#not even a single date in germany lmao

[javier-pena]

i wish vampire weekend would announce a tour date in europe in a city i could get to without having to fly :(

[hetalia-has-a-secretary]

What if s / o were the most distracted flirting person in the world? she won't notice someone likes her until they tell her face-to-face. allies and axis have a hard crush.

Heh- so they're extremely Naive? And just because I can feel like someone is going to mention it, yes I make a good 98% of my Headcannons with they/them pronouns Because I can, and I like making all genders inclusive, especially since I've seen some of you talk about how you replace S/O with other countries to make your own shipping scenerios and honestly, I never felt more appreciated in my life lol

Allies and Axis crush on an overly naive S/O

I'm starting off by saying not a single one of these guys know how to get their point across, and are all internally screaming.

Allies:

America:

Has taken so many deep breaths over every lost pick up line and joke.

But finds it kind of hot they don't get it, which means he doesn't have to kill his energy or make a fool of himself to get them to like him

The biggest hint he tried to give them, which still failed, was the classic, pebbles on their window and playing a romantic song to them.

His S/O was like, why did you not just send me the link in text lmao.

Cue him screaming into a bush on the way home.

Finally admits it straight forward Because it was honestly killing him, but the cute flustered look on their face was so worth it.

England:

Welp. This is frustrating.

He's the biggest hopeless romantic and is so shocked none of his methods of buying flowers and such was working.

Just, please, accept his love, no? You're just going to assume these letters from a secret admirer is some kind of prank.

Is his S/O okay?

He literally got on his knees from sheer relief after he admits his feelings, and his S/O said they felt the same, scolding him for not just telling them.

France:

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Literally doesn't know what to do about this. Literally everyone he knows, knows he's a complete flirt and a romantic so maybe that's why they don't pick up what he's SMASHING ON THE GROUND SO HARD PLEASE!

It's quite funny for everyone else though.

Finally gets to telling them face to face, and still wanted to face palm Because it was. So. Much. Easier.

China:

First thought they were playing hard to get until they mentioned how odd it felt not having a boyfriend like their other friends.

He hinted at his feelings and they literally went "if only..."

What.

Spent so long trying to figure why it was going over their head.

It was his S/O's friends who spilled the beans to them before he had a chance to admit his own feelings, but was just, so happy they finally got it.

Russia:

Has no clue what he's doing wrong, and assumes it was because they didn't like him.

Became even more confused when they still persisted on hanging out with him.

Eventually has a tiny meltdown asking why they toyed with his feelings for them.

S/I: wait... You have feelings for me?

Russia, having the sudden urge to beat his head against a pole for unknown reasons: DA!?!

Axis:

Germany:

Immediately knows it goes over their head, and finds it amusing.

Tries to see how long it takes them, and honestly it felt more like bonding time and a chance to know them without the akwardness of dating.

When he realized how badly it was going over their head he was quick to ask them what they find in a guy attractive.

When it sounded like they described himself, it made it so easy to admit his feelings. Not fully aware he just happens to fall in the category.

Japan:

Thinks it's the cutest thing.

Makes it easy for him so he can sort out his own feelings to be fair.

But the few times they watched romantic movies, it kind of irked him because his S/O didn't understand some of the flirting going on in the movie.

Finally admits his feelings, and was grateful they agreed to take things slow, little did he know it would be even too slow for his own liking.

Italy:

Has the confused Pikachu face when he dropped his best pickup and they just kind of laughed and walked past him.

Immediately has a deflated ego, but gets stubborn and pulls all the stops out.

Why are they doing this to him? Please, say sike right now.

Wants to cry when he figures out all it took was a little straight forward honesty, but is now hyper aware about being a bit more straight forward.

This has become my favorite ask, just because I find this trope to be the funniest and most satisfying thing in the world. Like it's super painful, ESPECIALLY if the naive love interest liked them back but all the hints fly over their head. Even better if the love interest is confused by the increase of attention their crush gives them.

[lonelyreputation]

Not Important

A/N:  Hello we are BACK with Jealous!Shawn––It’s been sitting in a doc for nearly a month now so I thought it was about time to let it out into the wild lmao 

There’s ~some smut but like nothing full on…hands disappear…but like…that’s it 😬 So if you’re not 18+ head over to my masterlist and read something else!! 

Thanks a MILLION to all of you who have read and reblogged and shared your thoughts with me on anon😌 It really does give me motivation to write!! Reblog are never expected, but always appreciated!! ☀️💗💜🥰🌻 Hope you’re all staying safe out there!!

Let’s Chat!! | MASTERLIST

Warnings: Smut (it’s my first time writing it so be nice plz), little arguments, some swearing, and jealousy (??)

Word Count: 9.5K

Buzz.  Buzz.

You blindly reached a hand out from the covers and tried to quiet the noise.

Buzz.  Buzz.

An arm tightened around your waist and you felt hot breath fan against your neck, “Turn it…off.” 

Once your hand finally connected with your phone, you pushed the lock button to shut off the noise.  With your eyes still squeezed tight, you brought your phone to your face and squinted one eye open.  

3:27 a.m.

Even though your brightness was turned all the way down, it was still too bright.  Shawn groaned as the light illuminated your face as he nuzzled his head deeper into your shoulder to block out the light.

“Back to sleep,” he grumbled against your neck.

You lifted your hand that was curled around Shawn’s neck and played with the curls at the nape of his neck.  You wanted to go back to sleep, but you were curious as to who was texting you this late at night.  And you were curious as to why your night time mode was no longer in effect.

It took a few tries to correctly enter in your passcode since Face I.D. didn’t recognize your face in the pitch black.  You then tapped on the green message app and read the few text messages you received.

How was your day?

Having a good spring break?

With a swift click, you powered off your phone, and let out a deep sigh.  It was a kid from your marketing class three semesters ago; and he had taken up a habit of texting you every day.  You hadn’t talked to him face to face since you presented the disaster of a marketing project and you had hoped to keep it that way.  He was a nice guy, but he was just a partner in a group project; nothing more and nothing less.

But for some reason he thought it would be best to rekindle whatever dynamic you had. You didn’t have a dynamic with him other than working on a semester project.

You wiggled your way down the bed and felt a hand on your back creep its way under your shirt.  A relaxed sigh left your lips as Shawn rubbed lazy circles with his thumb along your spine.  Your eyes fell shut as you felt a soft kiss be placed on your collar bone, “Important?”

“Not at all,” you hummed as Shawn stopped his hand movements and pressed his hand flat against your back, pulling you tighter against his bare chest, “Sleep.” You barely got the single syllable out of your mouth before you felt yourself get carried away into a dreamlike state.

•••

Waking up on a tour bus was something that you weren’t too fond of, but you couldn’t deny how exhilarating it was to wake up in a different city.  And sharing a bed with your boyfriend on his own bus was something you couldn’t complain about.

It was your spring break and you made plans to visit Shawn while he was on the European leg of his tour.  Touring Europe was one of Shawn’s favorite experiences and he begged and pleaded with you until you agreed to spend your break with him.  It was quite the sight, watching him literally fold his hands up in prayer at your knees, but little did he know, that in your mind you had hoped he would invite you out for some of his European dates.  So he didn’t need to beg. 

Shawn had played a show in Cologne, Germany the previous night and you drove through the night to Paris, where his next show was being held.

The two of you got up early, Shawn mentioned something about wanting to walk around the city with you a bit before he got swept away in tour mode.  Shawn texted Andrew that he was heading out and that he would keep him updated on his whereabouts.  Andrew made Shawn promise not to wander off too far.

Once off the bus, Shawn took your hand in his and started to obnoxiously swing them.  You let out a little laugh and went along with it.  After all, you were in Paris––the city of love––with your boyfriend.  It was a little cliché to think, but you felt as if you were floating on cloud nine.

There was a small cafe not too far from where your bus was parked and Shawn decided he wanted to try it out.  Shawn opened the door for you and immediately you were encased with the smell of sweet pastries and espresso.  A smile over took your features as you looked back at Shawn who was already smiling at you.

“This is heaven,” you breathed out as you stood close to the pastry display window.  You wanted to taste every pastry, but knew that was impossible.  So you convinced Shawn to have you each buy two pastries each to try.  He rolled his eyes but went along with your idea.  You knew he wanted to try every pastry in the window too.

Once your americano, and Shawn’s cappuccino, were finished, you took your bagged pastries and went outside to sit on their small patio area.  You unwrapped the bag with the chocolate croissant and ripped a piece off.  

“Who texted you last night?” Shawn took a sip of his cappuccino.  He tried to play it off as if he wasn’t that interested, but you knew it had been bothering him since your phone woke the two of you up in the middle of the night.  

Shawn was the only person who ever texted you that late; with the exception of your best friend and sometimes your mom.  Shawn was always forgetful of timezones, but he was sleeping with you in bed last night, so he knew it couldn’t possibly be him texting you.  There was someone else.

You shrugged your shoulders and offered him a piece of ripped off chocolate croissant.  He took it and popped it in his mouth, still waiting for your answer.

You sighed, “Just some guy from my marketing class.”  You broke off another piece of croissant and dipped it into your coffee which earned you a confused stare from Shawn, “I read an article that this is the French way to drink your morning coffee.”

“You’re insane,” Shawn let out a breathy laugh, “But this guy, you have a class with him?”

You scoffed and took another sip of your coffee, “Yeah, like last year.”

Shawn choked on his coffee and started coughing uncontrollably.  You placed your cup down and made a move to get up and help him, but he just held his hadn’t out and choked out a fine, before patting his chest and coughing a bit.

Shawn coughed once more, “And he––You still talk to him?”

You tilted your head in thought, you didn’t really still talk to him.  He was radio silent for over a year and then sent you a message out of the blue, a bit odd really.

“Not really, he’ll just text me and I’ll respond sometimes.”

“Have you talked to him over the phone?”

You let out a laugh at his ridiculous concern, “Never.”

“Does he know you have a boyfriend?”

You tilted your head once more and softened your eyes, “I––I don’t know?”

Shawn let out an exasperated breath.  He was annoyed, you thought, he was upset with you and you didn’t like the nauseous feeling that bubbled up in your stomach.

“We weren’t dating when we had our group marketing project––“

“You did a project with him?”

Your grip tightened around your paper coffee cup, “Yeah, with three other people.” 

In through your nose, out through your mouth you repeated the mantra over and over in your head.  Keep your cool.  It was silent for a moment and you rationalized with yourself that what you said probably didn’t ease his concerns at all, but then again, Shawn was never the one to be jealous.

“I’m sure he’s seen the picture or two I’ve posted with you on Instagram,” you thought that would ease his concerns but it only caused his eyes to widen even more, “But he’s not important,” you waved the subject off and reached your hand across the table, “I’m in Paris with my insanely hot boyfriend.”

Shawn dropped his left eye in a wink and smirked, “Damn right.”

•••

Shawn’s performance in Paris went better than expected, Andrew nudging his elbow into your side from the side stage saying that it was all because of you.  For the rest of the night, Andrew’s words rang through your head and you blushed every time Shawn looked backstage at you.

After the show concluded, Shawn handed his guitar off to someone and thanked all of the crew he walked past for a great show until he came barreling into you.  He wrapped his sweaty arms around you and squeezed you tight. 

You let out a squeal but hugged him back with as much strength you could muster up.  He kissed your cheek, released you from his embrace, and threw an arm over your shoulder as Andrew talked his ear off about hotel reservations for the night and travel plans for the next day.

Andrew guided both of you toward the back exit of the arena where a black car was waiting for you to take you to the hotel.  There were two days between the Paris show and the next show in Munich.  And Shawn had convinced Andrew to let you both stay over night in Paris and then meet up with the team in the late evening the following day.  Andrew reluctantly agreed, and he made Shawn promise that he would be on his best behavior for the rest of tour.

The car ride to the hotel wasn’t long, but it didn’t help that Shawn kept his hand on your thigh for the whole ride.  And it didn’t help at all that he kept inching his hand up as he nonchalantly looked through the window with a smirk on his face.  Once the two of you were at the hotel, Shawn took both of your bags, checked in with the concierge and wasted no time in pressing the elevator button.

“Geez, be patient with it,” you laughed as Shawn repeatedly pressed the up arrow.  He ignored you and continued to press it until the ding sounded.  He cheered in victory and yanked you into the elevator with a yelp.

When Shawn pressed the button of your floor, your phone buzzed in your hand.  You looked down at it and grimaced at the text message you saw.

How was your day?

Everyday, without fail, you received a text message from the guy from your marketing class, and while you didn’t want to assume anything, it was a little annoying that he kept texting you when you told him you were on vacation with your boyfriend.  You looked over at Shawn and saw that he was busy scrolling on his own phone, so you decided to respond.

You typed, it was good!! Just finished watching my boyfriend perform in Paris! Crazy!

Your phone vibrated with another text, Paris is always good––always love going back there. Between the good art, good food, and good coffee it’s a city built for me. 

That was the other thing about texting him; he always revolved the conversation around him or brought it back to relate to him in one way or another.  And yes, you knew that to keep up conversation, you had to talk about yourself, but the amount of times he always seemingly tried to one up you in conversation did not go unnoticed.

Yeah! My boyfriend and I got coffee at a cute little cafe this morning! Better than anything back home!

You made it a new rule to mention Shawn at least four times in conversation with him because the more read into the text messages, the more you could see where Shawn’s worry and jealousy came from.  When he first texted you out of the blue, you thought it was a bit weird, but you loved reconnecting with people so you just saw it as that.  But when Shawn was sound-checking today, you read back through the text messages and they did seem flirty on his end.

I could show you some really good coffee shops in Toronto.

“Y/n?” You looked up and saw Shawn standing outside of the elevator and holding the door open with his arm, “Coming?”

You nodded hastily and left the text message on read without a response.  That was the furthest he’s gone in insisting on a date.  He had brought up his ex-girlfriend a handful of times, clueing you in on how he was single, and to refute his claims of your supposed interest, you brought up Shawn.

Stepping out of the elevator, you took your suitcase from Shawn and rolled it down the hallway.  He stopped in front of the door and put the room key in.  Once it lit up green, he pushed the door and held it open with his shoulder as you shuffled in with your luggage.

You set your suitcase down to the side, not bothering to unpack since you were going to be leaving tomorrow.  Behind you, you heard the door close with the click sound of the lock, and felt a presence behind you.

Shawn’s hands hesitantly ghosted over your waist and you immediately straightened your posture.  You felt your breath hitch inside of your throat as Shawn’s hands became more steady on your hips; pulling you back into his chest as you let out a relaxed breath.

His thumbs rubbed soft circles on your hips as his hot breath hit just below your ear.  You thought he was going to whisper something, but instead, he placed a single kiss under your ear.  And then another kiss on your throat as one of his hands slid up your waist.  And then he placed another lower kiss on crook of your neck.

The hotel room was silent; save for the Paris traffic sounds that seeped through the window and your racing heart.  You could feel Shawn’s heart rate from being pressed up against him.  And there was no doubt he heard just how loud your heart was beating for him.

You so desperately wanted to turn around and return Shawn’s kisses, but his hand was firmly planted on your hip, keeping you in place as he continued to pepper kisses up and down your neck.  His hand snuck under your shirt, electric jolts zipped through your body, as he slowly inched his way up to cup your breast in his hand.

You let out a quiet moan, not being able to hold off any longer.  Twisting your head at an uncomfortable angle, you pressed a hard kiss to Shawn’s lips.  He groaned as he turned his head to meet your lips for a prolonged kiss as he continued to massage your breast.

Breaking the kiss for only a moment, Shawn spun you around and pressed your back against the wall, before hungrily reattaching his lips back to yours.  With his hand still caressing your breast under your shirt, you tugged at the bottom of his white tank-top that was still sweaty from his performance.  He took his hand out from under your shirt and swiftly threw it over his head, not caring where it landed in the room.

Before Shawn reconnected his lips with yours, he reciprocated your actions by tugging on the bottom of your shirt.  He looked into your eyes, silently asking permission to remove your top.  With a nod, he took it off at a much slower pace than how you ripped his shirt off, savoring every curve of your body as he peeled your shirt off.

Once your shirt was off, and you were just left in your bra, Shawn brought a hand up to cup your face as he stared tenderly into your eyes, “Stunning.”

Not being able to contain yourself anymore, you rounded your arms around his waist and pulled him in so your chests were pressed up together and continued kissing him.  Shawn brought one up and placed it beside your head, palm flat against the wall to support himself.

Your head was getting dizzy, but you would rather suffer from suffocation than break the kiss.  Shawn always had this affect on you; feeling dizzy.  You felt as dizzy in this moment as you did on your first date when he pulled out your chair for you.  The summersaults your stomach was performing were similar to the feeling of going around a loop on a rollercoaster, but instead of begging to get off the ride, you wanted to stay on for as long as possible.

Shawn’s hand that was cupping your jaw slowly moved its way down your neck and onto your shoulder, toying with your bra strap.  His fingers would lift up the strap as he would pull it down your arms, and then back up to your shoulders, in a teasing manner.  In between kisses, you struggled to get ay words out, but the one coherent word that Shawn heard loud and clear was off. 

You were always comfortable in Shawn’s presence, but being bare in front of a person came a certain vulnerability.  And it was different when you were with a person you loved.  The vulnerability of being completely undressed and open with the person you cared for created a connection deeper than life itself.  

The constricting feeling of your bra clasped around your back was gone in a swift motion as you felt Shawn sponge kisses onto your neck.  He used both of his hands to slowly drag your bra straps down your arms, with his fingertips grazing your skin, causing goosebumps to appear.

You felt your nipples harden from the gush of cold air, but the inside of your body felt as if it was on fire from Shawn’s touch.

The kisses Shawn continued to place on your neck were soft, giving you time to catch your breath, as he nipped at your skin.  Like his hand had done earlier in the night, it crept up your stomach at a painstakingly slow pace until his hand got to his desired destination.  You leaned your head back on the wall and let out moan. 

You could feel Shawn’s smirk against your skin as he squeezed your breast again, eliciting another sound from your lips.  

Trailing your hands up Shawn’s arms, you made sure to feel every crevice.  It seemed as if you had the same affect on him as he had on you; his muscles tensed up under your touch, but relaxed the more you rubbed up and down his arms.

Having Shawn’s lips leave marks on your body was nothing you would ever complain about, but you were missing his lips.

Without losing contact of his body, you trailed your hands up from his arms, giving his biceps a slight squeeze, before trailing your fingers up to softly gaze his neck.  You heard Shawn’s breath catch in his throat; you smiled at the control you had over him.  

With both hands placed on his cheeks, you lifted his head up from your neck.  You offered him a small, soft smile as you tangled your fingers in his hair.  His eyes closed momentarily as he leaned his forehead against yours, hot breath fanning on your face.

“God, I love you.”

Your heart felt as if it had set off fireworks in celebration.  And in every sense of the word, it was a celebration.  With the way Shawn made you feel loved, appreciated, and wanted… Everyday with him felt like a reason to celebrate.

“I––“ you said before he pressed a searing his to your lips, “––Love––“ his hand squeezed your hip as it slid further down, the opposite way it had been trailing all night.  With the fireworks still going off in your chest, you felt the anticipation of the night’s activity build up in your lower region.

Shawn’s hand played with the top of your jeans, sliding his thumb in and out of the denim.  When Shawn felt as if he teased you enough, he stilled his thumb over the top button of your jeans.  Your kisses slowed down, now soothing and languid, as you felt Shawn’s tongue slowly part your lips.

You leaned your head to the side, granting him more access to your mouth, that he greedily took as he popped the button off from holding your jeans together.  And just like his kisses, he slowly moved his fingers down to your zipper.  You couldn’t hear the sound of your pants being unzipped over the ringing in your ear caused by pure pleasure.

As your jeans hung loosely at your hips, he brought his hand back up to your underwear.  His cold fingertips pressed against your lower stomach which caused you to flinch, but once he dipped his hand down your front, and you felt a single finger swipe up your center, it didn’t matter to you.

Nothing matter to you in this moment.

You whimpered into his mouth at the intimate touches as he brought his free hand up to cup your jaw as he kissed you long and slow. 

Buzz.  Buzz.

Shawn halted the movements of his finger as he abruptly jumped back at the loud vibration against the wall.  Your eyes widened at the loss of contact and also at the harsh vibration coming from your back pocket.

“Jesus Christ,” Shawn swore under his breath as he pressed a hand to his bare chest, “That scared the shit out of me.”

You tried to even out your breathing, frustrated that your activities with Shawn had come to a standstill.  With a loud and annoyed breath passing through your nose, you reached into your back pocket for your phone, ready to give the person who interrupted the two of you a piece of your mind.

Once you swiped across on the message, not bothering to read the preview on your lock screen, you entered in your passcode and were automatically brought to the messages app.  Once you saw the name on top with a blue dot next to it, you leaned your head against the wall and shut your eyes in frustration. 

Hello??

What’s your favorite coffee shop in Toronto?

“Alright?”

You held down the volume and lock button to turn your phone off, leaving Shawn unanswered for a few seconds longer.  Once your phone screen was completely black, you threw it on your suitcase and let out another frustrated breath.

Why couldn’t he take the hint?  Why did he insist on texting you every night after more than a year of radio silence?  It made no sense.  He was just a boy who was put in a group with you that was randomly created by the professor.  And whether or not he just wanted to be friends, it was quite annoying having to keep up conversation everyday with a person you didn’t think twice about.  Seeing his name pop up on your screen made your stomach crawl and you dreaded having to make polite conversation.

“It’s…” You walked over to the bed where Shawn was sitting on the edge of.  You sat next to him, debating on telling him the identity of the person who texted you.  But from his tensed up shoulders and folded up hands, you could tell that he already knew, “It’s not important.”

“Was it the guy from marketing?” His voice held an edge to it as he turned his head toward you.

You nodded your head and rolled your eyes, “I don’t get it, honestly, it was over a year ago and I never gave him the impression––“

“He likes you.”

“As if––“

“He likes you,” Shawn’s voice was borderline emotionless as his jaw clenched, “He wants––“

“I love you,” you turned your top half, that was still bare, to face your boyfriend.  You brought a hand up to his clenched jaw and caressed his cheek with your thumb, “I only want you.”

Shawn’s eyes darkened with lust as he twisted his body, placing a hand on your hip, “Move back,” you didn’t question his command as you inched your way up on the bed.  Once you were at the top of the bed, Shawn slowly lowered you until your head was resting against a plush pillow.  He situated himself on top of you as he ran a hand softly through your hair, “I’m gonna show you how much I love you,” Shawn whispered each word as he slowly brought his head down to brush his nose up against yours.

The tension was thick; unfinished business left up and open in the air.  

With every breath you breathed out, your chest touched Shawn’s.  And every breath you breathed in, all you wanted was for him touch you.

Your lips ghosted over Shawn’s for a brief moment, barely able to contain yourself, before whispering, “Show me.”

And show you he did.

•••

The air conditioning was on full blast, but you were still sweating out of your mind, as you laid on the couch with Shawn.  Both of your bodies were drenched with sweat, having spent all day out in the Italian sun in Bologna.  Your bodies felt as if they were melted together by humidity itself.

Feeling a bit cramped, you stretched out your legs.

“Stooop,” Shawn groaned as your legs peeled off his, causing an uncomfortable sticky feel to the back of your calves.  You didn’t like the feeling of your hot legs slowly becoming unstuck from Shawn’s, but your legs felt free and refreshed after a quick stretch.

“Sorry,” you apologized before slotting your legs back into place with his, “Needed a stretch,” you snuggled back into his chest as Shawn curled his arm around your neck to bring your head up to press a kiss to your temple.

The two of you continued to lay in silence, enjoying the feel of the other’s gentle rise and falls of chests.  You felt disgusting, and you knew you needed a shower, but cuddling with Shawn was your top priority.  You only had two more days left with him and you wanted to be with him of every second of those last days.

You were set to fly back to Toronto the day after his show in Turin.  So while you were excited to see Shawn perform more, you wish he had an extra date somewhere that would give him an off day.  It would be at least another month or so until you would be able to see him in person.  At times, you grew jealous of all the fans who were able to see Shawn in concert.  You were jealous that they were with him and you would be sitting on your couch, scrolling through update accounts to get a glimpse of him.

The thought of leaving Shawn for a lengthy amount of time caused a familiar sting in the back of your eyes.  You weren’t going to cry, you repeated to yourself, you can’t cry.  Shawn had no control over his touring schedule, and you knew how much he loved this part of the job.  And seeing him doing what he’s passionate about made you love him even more.  You couldn’t deny the joy you felt coarse through your veins as you watched him strum his guitar on stage with thousands of fans singing his lyrics back to him.

“I’m gonna miss you.”

It was as if Shawn was thinking the same thing as he voiced his concern.  You lifted your head up slightly, not wanting to move it too far off from where it’s been resting on his bicep because of the stickiness between your bodies.  He was already staring down at you.

“I’ll miss you too,” you breathed out a sigh.

Shawn swallowed hard, “Will you––Are you seeing that marketing guy when you get back?”

You scrunched your eyebrows together and answered slowly, “No?”  He didn’t look satisfied that your answer came out as more of a question, “I mean––I don’t have any plans to see him, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Shawn sat up, slowly untangling his sticky limbs from yours, “Do you want to see him?”

You rolled your eyes at Shawn, who was now sitting on the opposite side of the couch staring down at you with hard eyes, “No.”

The rattling of the air conditioner was the only sound that could be heard between the two of you.  Shawn was still distancing himself from you and you didn’t know how to get it through his head that you had no interest in the guy from your marketing class; you had a boyfriend––Shawn was your boyfriend.

“I’d feel better if you’d stop talking to him.”

You let out a little laugh, not believing what you had just heard him say, “Okay, sure.” 

You went to reach out for Shawn’s hand, not liking the space between you when your time with him was dwindling away.  Once your fingers were slightly curved over his hand, he snatched his hand away.  Confused and hurt, you looked up at him to see his jaw set and head turned as he looked away from you.

“I’m serious,” he said, “I don’t want you talking to him.”

Your confusion morphed into annoyance, “You really don’t get to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with.”

“So you’re friends with him now?”

“Oh my God, Shawn,” you let your head fall onto the back of the couch and screwed your eyes shut, “It doesn’t matter! You don’t get to decide that stuff for me.”

Shawn scoffed, “I’m your boyfriend.”

You lifted your head up and rubbed your temples before opening your eyes and looking at the cause of your oncoming headache, “Yeah you are,” you let out a deep sigh, “so you shouldn’t be worried.”

“He likes you, Y/n,” Shawn slightly raised his voice.  You raised your eyebrows silently asking him if he was really going yell at you for something out of your control, “Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled without actually meaning the apology, “But can’t you see where I’m coming from? He texts you every day––And you can’t even deny that, I hear your phone in the middle of the night––And even when you try and ghost him he still texts you every day.  He really really likes you.”

He had a point.  You didn’t like that Shawn made absolute sense.  You looked down at your hands while starting to nervously fumble with the end of your shirt.  It wasn’t like the guy from your marketing class wasn’t a good guy; he was nice, polite, and genuinely wanted to hear what you were thinking at all times during the day.  Sure, keeping up a conversation with him was exhausting at times, but you didn’t know what else to do.

“What if like––What if like we weren’t together––hear me out,” you cut your explanation short when Shawn’s tight jaw went slack and eyes bugged out of his head, “So in this alternate universe where we are not together,” you gave him a pointed look, “And say I really really liked you.  I would text you nonstop.  I would want to hear everything about your day, even if you had just slept and done nothing all day, and I would be absolutely devastated if you wouldn’t text me back.”

Shawn was silent, carefully planning out his next sentence.

“So you…” he started off slow, “Don’t want to hurt his…feelings?”

You shrugged your shoulders, “I guess so.”  

On the inside you felt defeated, you knew that wasn’t a good enough answer, especially for Shawn, because he got up from the couch and started pacing behind it.

He ran a hand through his curls, “And what about my feelings?”

You propped your elbows up on your knees and rested your head in your hands as you let out an aggravated sigh, “Can we not argue about this?”

“I really wouldn’t feel comfortable if you saw him when you go home,” Shawn stopped his pacing and leaned his hands behind you on the couch, “Please promise me you won’t see him.”

You gulped, your head still buried in your hands.  You had no intention of seeing him when you got back, you respected Shawn’s feelings about him, but it ticked you off that he thought he had some sort of power to tell––not even ask––you to not see him.

Lifting your head from your hands, you turned your head around to see his eyes pleading with you.  It made you sad to think that Shawn thought someone could easily come between your relationship.  Did he not trust you enough to be alone with someone else?

Buzz. Buzz.

“Jesus, fuck––Are you kidding me?!”

Shawn’s outburst caused you to jump up from the couch and spin around to face him.  His eyes were glaring at your phone that continued to vibrate on the glass coffee table.  Which was odd since your phone only vibrated twice whenever he texted you––Oh.

Your eyes widened at the realization; Oh.

Buzz. Buzz.

“It could be anyone,” you tried tried to calm him down as you carefully reached down to your vibrating phone, “He’s never called me–––“

And just as you said your famous last words, you turned over your vibrating phone to see his name appear on the screen.  With wide, nervous eyes, you quickly pressed one of the side buttons on your phone to silence the call.  When you no longer felt the vibration in your hand, you opened your mouth to offer an excuse to Shawn, but your phone started vibrating in your hand again.

Buzz. Buzz.

“Is he for real?!” Shawn threw his head back in a humorless laugh that sent chills down your spine, “After you sent him to voicemail, he’s still––“

“How do you know it’s him?!” You raised your voice to match Shawn’s, your tone sounding defensive.

Shawn narrowed his eyes at you, “Don’t pretend like it’s not!”

Growing more and more frustrated with his accusations, you turned your phone off and threw it on the couch.  Now that the sound of your vibrating phone was nonexistent, you only heard your heart angrily beating through your ears.

“Is this how you really want to spend our last days together?” You took the cheap way out of deflecting Shawn’s negative emotions and changed the conversation, “We have two days left together and you want to fight?”

Shawn pinched the bridge of his nose, “You’re not listening––“

“Shawn,” Andrew’s voice was followed by two knocks, “Soundcheck!”

You breathed out a sigh of relief.  Shawn breathed out a sigh of irritation.

“This conversation isn’t over,” Shawn said coldly over his shoulders as he walked toward the door; swiftly opening it up and slamming it behind him as you heard Andrew’s muffled voice go on and on about what Shawn still had to do before the concert.

•••

The last two days you spent with Shawn were tense.  

You still held hands, you still cuddled together in bed, and you still shared intimate moments together.  But everything felt stiff.  Shawn’s hands were limp when you held them, Shawn didn’t rub circles on your back when you had trouble falling asleep, and your intimate moments were always overshadowed with Shawn trying to prove he was better than anyone else who could possibly want your attention.

He was jealous.

The conversation that Andrew interrupted the night of the Bologna show was never picked up again.  It ended right then and there with the slam of the door.  Shawn was usually a person who kept their word; so you were expecting to circle back to that conversation after his show when on his tour bus.  

But that wasn’t the case.  That night was filled with lust, love, and connecting with one another.  Your head was resting on Shawn’s shoulder, his hand clasped around yours as they rested on your lap, as you recounted the events of last night.

He grabbed your wrist, untangling your hands from his curls, a mischievous smile on his lips before his head ducked under the sheets and began place kisses on your torso, making himself comfortable between your legs.

You looked up at Shawn through your eyelashes, already missing his tender touches, as you watched him mindlessly scroll through Twitter.  Squeezing his hand, it caused his attention to drift away from his phone; a lovesick smile spread out on his face.

“Shawn,” you muttered his name out before he abruptly cut you off as he dragged his tongue along the inside of your thigh, eventually meeting your aching core.  You had to bite your lower lip until you tasted blood to fight off the string of expletives that were threatening to slip past your lips. 

Once his eyes met yours, he locked his phone and threw an arm around your shoulder, pulling you in close to him,  You snuggled your head deeper into his neck and breathed in his scent not knowing when the next time you’ll see him would be.  You had tentative plans to see him once he was back in Toronto, on a break from touring, but you knew he would still have some work and would want to spend time with his family.  He pressed a soft kiss to your the side of your head, “I love you.”

There wasn’t a second where his name didn’t escape your lips. Over and over, you said his name like a prayer.  With your fingers entwined, the feeling in your lower stomach was strong, but not as strong as the love you felt for him in that moment.  You had come to realize that you lived out everyday to love Shawn.  Just Shawn.  One of his free arms hooked around under your thigh and held you in place as you fought to squirm, overcome with a pleasurable sensation.

You wrapped your arms around his waist, which was a little difficult considering the tiny amount of space between him and the seat.  You hugged him tighter as you saw the sign on the highway indicate you were coming up close to your destination of the airport.  You didn’t want to let go of Shawn.  You never wanted to let go.

Before the car even made the exit from the highway into the airport vicinity your eyes were already prickling with tears.  You loved how Shawn was out in the world living his dream.  You loved seeing him bounce off stage with the thrill of performing in front of thousands of people in his eyes each night.  But there were times where you wanted to be a little selfish and just keep him to yourself.

You let out a sniffle when Shawn informed the driver what airline you were flying so he could drop you off at the appropriate location.  Taking notice of your unhappy state, Shawn carefully rubbed his arm up and down your arm, “Hey,” he said once softly, and then repeated himself with a hushed tone, “You’re okay. I’ll be home to you soon.”

The way how he equated home with you was what lowered the barrier of your sniffles into free flowing tears.  Not caring about following road safety, Shawn unbuckled himself and then reached over to undo your seat restraints.  Once the click of your buckle indicated you were free, he circled his arms around your waist and pulled you up to sit on his lap.  

You kept your head buried into his shoulder; your hands clutching his t-shirt.  Your tears were silent, save for the occasional hiccup from trying to hold back the intensity of your cries, but Shawn’s hands grazed up and down your spine, trying to calm you down.  He whispered encouraging words into your ear about how well you’ll finish up the semester and how much he loved you.  You wanted to hear those words on repeat for the rest of your life.

Once your tears were nearly gone and your chest was just slightly heaving, the car pulled up to a stop in front of the airline you were flying back to Toronto.  When you felt the car stop and heard the driver put the car in park with a polite, Ms. We’re here, you shook your head in denial as you clutched onto Shawn tighter.

Shawn continued to rub your back as he let out a sigh, “I’m going in with her,” his voice was just above a whisper.

Knowing that you’ll get to spend some extra seconds with Shawn inside the airport was enough to get you to calm down.  Your time was officially ticking down to your last minutes together and you wanted to spend as much time with him as humanely possible.  It seemed as though Shawn had the same idea.

“Mr. Mendes,” the driver started out as he looked up in the rear view mirror, “I don’t think that’s a––“

“I’m going in with her.” Shawn’s voice was strong as he didn’t leave any room for discussion.  The driver seemed to understand the memo as he nodded his head and got out of the driver’s side and rounded the car to the trunk to unload your suitcase.

Shawn unlocked the door and was able to open the door.  He softly patted your back, indicating that you had to get up and out.  Begrudgingly, you slid off his lap and quietly thanked the driver who rolled your suitcase around to you.

After a brief word with the driver, Shawn softly laced your fingers with his as he walked slowly up and through the automatic doors that led into the airport.  There were people of all ages in the airport and you were a bit nervous that your final goodbye with Shawn would be so public.  

Your bloodshot eyes looked up at Shawn as you felt your bottom lip begin to tremble.  Shawn’s eyes were apologetic and full of sorrow as he looked down at you, then up at the crowded airport, and then back down at you.  Thinking that this was where you were going to say your final goodbyes, you took a deep breath, but before you could get a word out Shawn tugged on your hand.

Like always, you blindly followed him to wherever he was taking you.  Shawn led you to a quieter part of the concourse, tucked away behind a thick metal beam where prying eyes couldn’t find you.

Shawn took your other hand in his, holding both of your hands tightly as they swayed slightly in between your bodies.  He looked down at you, his eyes sad but also twinkling as he smiled, “It won’t be too long, promise.”

“I––I know,” you hiccuped, “I just always miss you.”

You already missed the way his muscular arm wrapped around your waist as you slept.  You already missed the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed too hard as he recounted a story.  You already missed the whisper of his voice, that carried words you wanted to memorize like one of his songs.

You felt a chill wind wrap around your heart––never having missed him with so much before.

“I’m sorry,” Shawn blurted out, “I’m––I knew I acted weird these past two days and I’m sorry that I made our last days suck and––“

“Hey, hey,” you were the one comforting him now.  You released one of his hands and brought your fingers up to brush through his hair.  His eyes normally closed in bliss, but they stayed open with regret, “It’s alright. That––It was stupid.  Just a little something, but everything’s all good,” you emphasized the last word as you squeezed his hand, “I quite enjoyed the last few days.”

No matter how hard you tried to hide the blush from creeping onto your cheeks, it was inevitable when Shawn’s soft smile changed into a devious smirk, “Quite enjoyed it, huh?”  

You rolled your eyes at his cheekiness and smiled at him before scrunching your eyebrows together; you wanted to take in every last detail of the face you fell in love with, “I won’t see him when I get back,” your voice carried a more serious tone than the lighthearted banter shared just moments before, “I––I know it makes you feel uncomfortable, so I won’t see him.”

Shawn closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on yours. He breathed out a sigh of relief, “Thank you,” before capturing your lips in an innocent kiss.  Much different than the kisses you shared all throughout visiting him on tour.

“I don’t want to––“ you were able to get out a few words before Shawn kissed you again, “But I––“ he brought a hand up to rest on your cheek, holding you in place, “I have to––“ 

“Sh,” Shawn quieted you as he kissed your lips that turned upright into a smile, “Let me kiss you.”

“I have to go,” you managed to get out between each sweet kiss he gave you.

With one––two––three more soft kisses, he reluctantly pulled himself away and looked into your eyes with care and affection, “I love you.”

You smiled and leaned up to press one last peck to his lips, “I love you, too.” Shawn’s smile grew from a closed lipped one to a full blown grin as he stared down at you.

“Text me when you land,” he took your suitcase handle, along with your hand, and started rolling it toward the escalator that you needed to go up in order to get through security.  You nodded and told him to expect a text from you when you landed and when you were back at your apartment.

With one last kiss pressed to your lips––one that caused a few tears to slip through your closed eyes––you watched as he walked away, head turning over his shoulder every other second and waving to you as you took the escalator up.  Once he was finally out of your view, you let a few more salty tears escape down your face, still being able to feel his soft lips pressed against yours as you made your way to the security line.

Once you had waited your turn and made it past security, you walked up to the flight board to make sure that your gate hadn’t changed from the time you printed your ticket.

Buzz. Buzz.

How was today?

Your stomach dropped at the name that appeared on your screen.  You hadn’t texted the guy from your marketing class back since he had nearly ruined the night with Shawn in Paris.  You had prayed that he took the hint in you not returning his texts.

Buzz. Buzz.

Miss you already!! Counting down the days until we’re back together. Maybe we can do a repeat of Paris or Bologna?? ;)

Your heart fluttered all throughout your stomach as a smiled slowly inched its way on your face.  You had last seen Shawn within the hour, but your heart still ached for him.  You came to a conclusion that your heart would always ache for him.

And with those two text messages––from two very different people––coming into your phone at the exact same time, there was only one person that you deemed worthy of a response, and the other person was not that important.

•••

Dressed in black skinny jeans, a maroon button up shirt, and black Ray-Ban sunglasses; Shawn thought he was dressing incognito, but he really didn’t do much to hide his identity.  He was very upset when you pointed out that he still looked like Shawn Mendes.

He whined the whole car ride as he drove to a coffee shop you spent most of your semester at.  You wanted to show him the little things in your life that he missed when he was on tour, so that way he wouldn’t feel as sad.

“I’m just saying,” you laughed as you shut Shawn’s car door and rounded the front of it to meet up with a pouty Shawn, “Maybe try wearing a hat? A puffy jacket––“

“Y/n, it’s nearly summer,” Shawn scoffed as he walked up to take hold of your hand, “Like hell I’m wearing a puffy jacket.”

You shrugged your shoulders as you opened the door for him and walked in to the coffee shop that was littered with a few people.  With universities out of session, the coffee shop you frequented wasn’t nearly as crowded as it normally was.  

You smiled, happy that you wouldn’t have to fight for a table, “C’mon,” you tugged Shawn’s hand toward the front counter, “I’m getting an espresso, what do you want?”

Shawn took his time reading the menu, debating on getting a specialty drink or sticking with green tea to keep his vocal chords healthy for when he was due to head back out on tour.  A pang of sadness hit your heart when he nonchalantly mentioned leaving again, but you tried not to focus on that.  You were focusing on the present––being present with Shawn.

Once he decided to order a lavender honey latte, you ordered your drinks together and slipped the cashier some cash before Shawn could whip out his credit card.  He glared at you and you leaned up on your tip toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

When you had your drinks in your hands and heading towards a table in the back, you were laughing at something Shawn said when a voice cut you off.

“Y/n?”

It was a voice you hadn’t heard since your marketing class now four semesters ago.

Shawn turned around before you did and looked at the guy before scrunching his eyebrows down at you in confusion.  You let out a frustrated breath and turned around with a fake smile on your face.

“Ridley,” you let out another sigh, “Hi.”

At the sound of his name Ridley brightened up and sent a smile your way, “It’s been a while! How are you? How’s your day been?”

You ignored Shawn’s stare burning into the side of your head.  If reading the constant text messages from him starting every conversation off with how are you or how was your day wasn’t bad enough, hearing him actually say them to you sounded like nails on a chalk board.  You thought you were successful on getting him out of your life.

“I’m good––Actually, I––I’m here with my boyfriend–––“

“You never responded to my text,” Ridley cut you off, calling you out for ghosting him. 

And if Shawn hadn’t put two and two together, he definitely did now as he extended his hand, “Hey, man, I’m Shawn, Y/n’s boyfriend,” he emphasized his title and you didn’t miss the little glare Ridley sent Shawn’s way.

“Ridley,” he dropped Shawn’s hand in a manner of seconds, “Y/n and I had marketing together.”  Shawn was about to open his mouth to say something, but Ridley shifted his body to face you and tilted his head, “But yeah, I never heard back from you since Paris.”

You lightly clenched your coffee cup, wishing that there was a way to ghost someone while talking to them in person, “My phone actually fell into a river and when I got a new one I lost all my contacts,” you offered a small smile with your excuse.

“That sucks,” Ridley said.  His eyes momentarily left yours as he intently watched Shawn’s arm sneak around around your waist and pull you into his side, pressing a soft kiss to your temple.  A true genuine smile lifted on your face.  Ridley took notice and didn’t seem to like it one bit.

Ridley cleared his throat and fumbled with something his back pocket, “Here––What’s your number again?  We still haven’t gotten coffee together after I asked––“

Shawn let out a laugh that cut Ridley off.  Both of your heads turned to face your boyfriend and your eyes widened, unsure of what was to come out of his mouth next.

“Are you really asking her out––my girlfriend––out on a date in front of me?”

Ridley’s eyes widened at Shawn’s bluntness before they narrowed in on him, “I think she should decide for herself––“

“Oh, fuck off,” Shawn groaned as he leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling, trying to conceal his anger.  You tried pulling him away from the situation, mumbling a c’mon, but Shawn wasn’t having any of it, “Leave her alone.”

“You can’t make decisions for her.”

It sounded very familiar to something you had said a few months ago when Shawn told you to stop talking to him.  You had told Shawn that he didn’t have any control over who you could and couldn’t be friends with.  And while that still remained true, it felt slimy coming from a person you didn’t even want to be friends with. 

“You’re right, I don’t make decisions for her,” Shawn’s voice was low, “But you’re clearly making her uncomfortable and as her boyfriend I always have her best intentions in mind and right now,” he removed his arm from your waist and took a step closer to Ridley who shrunk back, “you really need to leave.”

You had never seen Shawn act so calm while visibly angry.  His voice was laced with poison as he spoke to Ridley, his hand was clenched, and face turning a shade of red with every second Ridley didn’t leave.  If this was any other person trying to ask you out, you know Shawn would’ve paid no attention to them, but since it was Ridley––the guy from your marketing class––who was relentless in trying to pull you away from Shawn…You could see where he was coming from.

Ridley had caused some turmoil in your relationship when you visited Shawn on tour.  And there was a brief period where Shawn was more scared than he’s ever been at the thought of losing you to someone who could provide you with a stable lifestyle.  But now, face to face with the person behind the text messages, Shawn just felt anger toward him.

“She’s not uncomfortable,” Ridley stared back at Shawn, before he turned to face you, “How about a coffee?”

You honestly didn’t know how he was so confident in asking you out in front of your boyfriend.  Above anything else, that made you uncomfortable.  You could handle his texting and the nuisance of his presence, but this was a step too far.  It was as if Ridley knew Shawn’s biggest fear was losing you to someone else and he was dangling it right in front of him.

Ridley also wasn’t as observant as Shawn.  Shawn noticed your body language; he noticed your tense shoulders, heavy sighs, and how you positioned your body slightly behind him wanting protection.  Ridley hadn’t noticed any of that––he hadn’t noticed that you were uncomfortable.

Shawn looked at you with concern in his eyes, wanting to get you out of this situation, silently telling you he would do whatever necessary to make you feel safe, but wouldn’t push you too far.  And Ridley looked at you with a glimmer of pride in his eyes, full of mischief like you were a prize to be won and paraded around.

After a moment of silence, you cleared your throat and shuffled into Shawn’s side, “I’d actually just like to sit and have a coffee with my boyfriend.”

Shawn draped an arm on your shoulder as you answered.  Without looking up at him, you knew he had a shit eating grin on his face.  Ridley’s face dropped as he looked between the both of you, and with a huff, he left you alone without another word.

You breathed out a sigh of relief as you rested your head on Shawn’s chest and let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you.”

Shawn shrugged his shoulders as he pulled you in closer to him with his one arm, “Just doing my job,” he then guided you to a table in the back where you sat down across from him.  You took a sip of your lukewarm espresso as Shawn played with your foot under the table, which caused you to look up at him.

You tilted your head and let out a small laugh at his smug facial expression, “What?”

“You were right,” Shawn took a sip of his coffee, “He’s not important.”

[fmdjake]

𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐎, 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 !!!!!!!  first of all, this is embarrassingly late, but i finally have some time to get this together this week, so here goes nothin’ ! for those who may not know, this is boone ( h/h, 21+ ) ! i’m the typist to cloud’s rioh and candy’s michelle, and below the cut, i’ll be introducing you all to my third muse here, 𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐌 ! he’s the resident hot guy of polaris, as well as their lead vocalist. hope you like him ! if you’d like to plot, please like this post ! 💘

𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘.

born in daegu, sk; raised by a single mom until age 4.

mom met / married a man from the usa, a solider at daegu’s base.

at age 6, his whole lifestyle changed into a more “nomadic” one.

spent a majority of his childhood on the move; becoming resilient.

he’s lived in belgium, germany, hawaii, japan, and south korea.

in middle school, he was a class clown and relentless prankster.

being born on april fool’s day, his stepdad found it really fitting.

he was ALWAYS getting in trouble at school for pranking people.

he’d upload/send his prank videos to his friends to keep in touch.

scouted in korea during a period he was visiting his grandmother.

trained in dimensions, debuted in polaris after “next generation.”

from the get-go, he was known more for his visuals and charm.

his fun, jovial, loud personality paired with classic beauty was a+.

he became favored domestically and was branded a heartthrob.

never thought he’d be an idol or an actor. he’s starred in 3 dramas.

he’s become more known as an actor after his two lead roles.

likely to continue with that in between polaris’ schedules.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘.

a total textbook aries in a nutshell. like, to the tee, to be honest.

hotheaded, impulsive, direct, competitive, fearless, confrontational.

he’s well traveled and really "cultured” even if that sounds annoying.

gets INSANELY BORED easily and that’s the main cause of his jokes.

loves fucking with people and getting away with it; kind of obnoxious.

he’s quite the risk taker whose addicted to excitement / stimulation.

feels a constant need to be “in control” of his life; hates that he’s not.

fiercely loyal; will punch someone out for a friend if needed. unafraid.

knows he’s hot and rolls with it... he’s an intense flirt; earnest, too.

likely has dated tons of people in the best ( possible connections ) !

a lot of people probably think he’s an asshole... and for good reason.

he means no harm most of the time, he’s just... a dumbass ngl. 😂

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒.

literally anything... lmao seriously, like, i’m up for it all !

exes, fwbs, flings, mortal enemies, rivals, etc. gimme gimme !

i’d LOVE if he had a best friend in the group tbh. near his age-ish.

someone for him to speak other languages to so he doesn’t forget. for references, he speaks japanese, spanish, english, and korean fluently. he used to know some german and dutch, but has mostly forgotten those as he was really young when he learned.

omg idk, just... everything. let’s brainstorm or i’ll look at your plots 💖

[lordeasriel]

The Sun never sets on the Magisterium

The reach of the Holy Church in Lyra’s world is the first and most prominent worldbuilding aspect we learn from Northern Lights. It is the most important introduction one has to this world, so vastly different than ours yet so similar still, and it is the one trait that remains constant throughout both trilogies and novellas included.

This is an analysis of the Church in Lyra’s world, so spoilers for all the books and novellas, most likely. I’ll try and make a single post about this but I’m gonna reserve the right of maybe doing two separate parts because it’s a big subject. Under the cut because you know the drill, it’s long lol

The Magisterium was founded after John Calvin’s death, who had been Pope, and had the seat of the Church moved to Geneva. Although it is never clear, the Magisterium’s religious aspects come mostly from the Roman Catholic Church, and Pullman himself said in an interview, that some of its dogma is based on the original puritans. In this world, Calvin didn’t seem to have moved forward with his reform, not needing to break ties with the Catholic Church since he had become the Catholic Church.

Despite becoming a vast collective of “courts, colleges, and councils,” the Magisterium remains rather similar to most Christian branches from our world, at least in the medieval times. They had ties with kingdoms, they had influence over colonization, as well as economic and political influence, not to mention military too.

In Lyra’s world, the Magisterium seems intimately tied to Geneva’s politics, at the very least; it gives the impression that the city is somehow independent from the rest of Switzerland, not unlike the Vatican is independent from Italy. It is however, mentioned that the Swiss War was an armed conflict between England and the Magisterium, which means that they must have a full fledged control over the entire country and not just Geneva, although like most things in these books, this is not a sure claim.

With the Swiss War happening some time around 1933 and 1935, it gives this wild and quite odd picture, of a Church actively trying to invade a country. Although not that foreign a concept, since the Catholic Church was highly involved with the colonization process of our world, they never quite invaded the countries themselves (at least during the 1500s colonizations, as the Crusades were sort of Catholics invading countries lmao), instead joining later as the Monarchs of Europe established outposts and colonies and had already subdued natives in the area.

We do not have an exact date for the Magisterium’s creation, the implication being that it was set somewhere 600 years prior to Marcel Delamare’s acceptance of Leader of the High Council in TSC, it is fair to assume that colonization was already happening in Lyra’s world’s 15th century-ish and that the Magisterium was involved with that much in the same way it was in our world: by converting people, be it by force or by persuasion.

However, in Lyra’s world, the Magisterium stopped being a fully religious entity at some point, and became a full fledge state-like organization, spread all across the globe in different shapes and names, all answering to the bigger and more powerful groups, usually stationed in Geneva: the College of Bishops during its initial centuries, then eventually the Consistorial Court of Discipline, who by NL had become an immensely powerful group, in a power conflict with the less threatening Society of the Work of the Holy Spirit. The CCD being the harshest and most powerful group in the Magisterium, at least during the events of HDM, seemed to have had a lot of power in Geneva and in nearby areas, such as France (as we learn in LBS, the alethiometrists of Paris were sympathetic to the Church, not a surprise given France’s very Catholic Background) and Germany.

With information known from LBS and HDM, the Magisterium seems to hold under its power both the Swiss Army (implied, at least, given the Swiss War being a conflict created by the Magisterium itself) and the Imperial Guard of Muscovy, which seemed to have been under the control of the CCD in particular. It is not explained exactly why the Muscovite Army serves the Church and personally, my knowledge of anything Eastern Europe is very slim, so I’m not gonna attempt to assume much, but given that in TSK it is said they were “sworn to uphold the power of the Magisterium”, it’s possible — and very likely — that the Muscovite government had some sort of deep rooted connection with the Church. Again, not a surprise for Europe, as most countries had monarchies connected to the Church very intimately.

I’m not diving deep into every single one of the Magisterium groups, especially because we know very little about most of them. During the Magisterium congress in TSC, it is mentioned that 53 delegates attended, each representing a group at least (we know both Pierre Binaud AND the President of the CCD attended and they both are part of the same group), so that alone should prove why I couldn’t possibly talk about every single one of them lmao Some of those aren’t even mentioned by name. So, before I tackle on the most important groups and what they represent, I wanted to discuss how the Magisterium’s influence in the world seems to work in a geographical way.

We know for a fact that Geneva — and Switzerland, at least implied so — is absolutely under the control of the Church. Whether they share power with a political group or they are the political branch themselves, I could not say, but at any rate, we know the Magisterium waged war on England under the Swiss banner at one point in time and it’s fairly unlikely that it changed much in less than a century; that alone proves that State and Church don’t seem separate here.

So, how I perceive the Church in Lyra’s world — not just based on preference, but also on what we see of the world, however little it is — is that the further the country and cities are from Geneva, the looser the Magisterium’s grasp is and the more different its approach to power becomes. I use the word ��looser’ here very lightly, as I don’t think the Americas weren’t oppressed, but I think the Magisterium had a much different type of hold and influence there, and I do think the huge oceans separating Europe from Oceania and the Americas helped change the pull of the Church.

That is different from how it happened in our world, but there is also the difference in how the Magisterium operates; each of its groups work under different philosophies and dogmas and politics. They embody the same religion - Christianism - but they do not act the same way, a good example being how the faithful in Constantinople act towards the Patriarch, while England has very little respect for the CCD, instead just fearing it. In our world, the Church operated sort as an unified front, but in Lyra’s world these many groups are always and constantly fighting each other for power and influence, creating alliances and making enemies between themselves. In England alone, we see that many groups have “outposts” there, the CCD and the Oblation Board, as well as all the Priories and chapels and all that.

There is also the fact that Lyra’s world still seems to have a very independent Africa, as we see the presence of King Ogunwe, meaning that some of the areas in Africa still had independent Kingdoms. This doesn’t mean that the African colonies that did exist weren’t converted or oppressed, but it does mean that these independent Kingdoms resisted the Church’s influence and depending on what group was harassing them, they could succeed in breaking the Church’s ever growing presence. This seems a similar situation for the Americas, given how odd the borders are in Lyra’s world  — South America having way less countries than it does in our worlds and the US never being formed, instead separated into at least two regions, three depending if New France means Canada or yet another part of a possible US.

This is a very ugly map I coloured to show my point lmao The Red Areas cover most of Western Europe and some of Eastern Europe, as well as a part of Russia. All these areas are connected by roads or trains, meaning that the Magisterium’s pull could have started long before airplanes were even created; these means the influence and presence would have existed for a long period of time in most of Europe, meaning More Magisterium Strength. It also covers areas I assumed would be heavily populated areas in the colonies, most of the coastal areas in Brasil, most of the United States because they have two different countries in them  — Texas and New Denmark  — and most of Coastal Australia, although by HDM it’s fair to assume all these regions are no longer colonies, but independent states.

I didn’t go into full detail, there are countries I didn colour with red but that should be red. The Green Areas are contested Areas, places where the Magisterium would have a presence but that would create conflicts for different reasons, being other religions, an uncooperative governement or simply because the group in charge of the area is not competent or too violent to properly establish a presence. This would be the areas in the continents, especially in Africa, where in our world they were heavily colonised but in Lyra’s world they are still independent kingdoms, with military forces and political freedom. Some parts of Russia are green because in Lyra’s world there is the implication Russia is divided into at least three different territories  — Muscovy, Tartary and Siberia  —  and the tartars are considered heretics by the Church; is the territory I painted in green correspondent to actual Tartar regions? I have no idea, but I’m hoping you can forgive my geographic inaccuracy in favour of all this mega meta thing I just spurred. LMAO

And finally the Purple Areas are mostly in places where the weather would be too harsh or where population would be too small to attract the eye of the Magisterium. Ultimately, the Church in Lyra’s world does not only seek to convert everyone and rid the world of heretics, but they also want political influence, economical and military as well, and a small village in Greenland offers absolutely none of that. Some of these areas would also be found in Asia, I believe, especially the very distant and small villages where Islam would have been able to survive. I’ve written a bit about other religions in Lyra’s world if you want to read before going on.

With all that in mind  — and out of the way!  — let’s take a closer look at the Magisterium most notable groups. Starting of course, with the CCD, it’s important to keep in mind that the CCD was the first group created in the Magisterium. It wasn’t always, however, the most powerful one; in Northern Lights, it’s said they only gained notoriety in “recent years”, and we see in La Belle Sauvage that they were already active, including in England, so my assumption is that not only Pullman did a slight retcon here, but also that recent years can mean somewhere in the range of 70 to 100 years. This doesn’t change the fact the CCD became powerful and feared in the Magisterium, nor that their power in England grew considerably between LBS and TAS and then TSC. They are mostly an enforcer type of group  (this is how I refer to them, not canon: enforcer or militia for groups that can arrest, or do any type of Police/militia/army related type of work; dogmatic is how I refer to the groups that usually deal with conversion, reeducation, philosophical works - this isn’t relevant, I’m just. Trying to Make Sense lmao) and as an enforcer, the CCD is violent and ruthless and often lawless in its work outside Geneva.

Despite the fact they are known as a Church Authority, they cannot murder freely and without consequence. In England they act in the shadows during LBS, disguising Robert Luckhurt’s murder as a drowning, and not much is known about their work during HDM, but in TSC they start to openly arrest people for heresy, no doubt a change from the government after Marcel’s rise to power. The CCD seems to act all across Europe and even Central Asia, as we see some of its forces in Constantinople, although it isn’t clear if they were there simply because the Patriarch died or if they are also stationed in the city; the Sublime Porte had its own guards as well, given its status as a government base.

Not much is known of the Society of the Work of the Holy Spirit, except that they seemed less harsh than the CCD and during their quest to find Lyra, they were far more interested in not killing her. Lord Asriel mentions in TAS about his surprise in learning that Lord Roke managed to infiltrate the group, as they were considered impregnable; given Lady Salmakia’s method, and the whole attitude of the group towards the prophecy — it was assumed they weren’t going to do anything about it  — I’d safely assume they were more inclined towards being dogmatic.

Perhaps even older than the CCD, the College of Bishops was perhaps inherited from the Catholic Church before the Magisterium was born. It was known to be the most remarkable and powerful of the groups for centuries after the creation of the Magisterium. Not much is said about them, but given their counterpart in our world, I’d assume they were more inclined towards dogma than enforcer. They are, in our world, a collection of bishops who work closely with the Pope; in Lyra’s world, by the time the Magisterium existed, the Pope no longer existed, so the assumption is that the College replaced the Pope figure altogether, being led by all the bishops in the collection, probably working like a council.

Everything we know about La Maison Juste is confusing and unclear, as most things worldbuilding-wise are in these books. Their official name is League for the Instauration of the Holy Purpose, which coincides with Olivier Bonneville’s description of their work, about “accomodating the life of the world to the life of the spirit”. In other words, it means making sure that daily life can be fitted into the dogma of the Church; it’s vital for the Magisterium to adapt as progress comes. Unlike the CCD, that suppress anything that borders heresy, La Maison Juste seems more inclined towards adapting the dogma so the world can still be within the Magisterium’s expectations.

However, there is mention of La Maison Juste being a place meant to study and examine heresy; there is also a mention in TSC, by Olivier, about how the group changed under Marcel’s leadership, “being a force for good” in the ranks of the Magisterium. What that means exactly, I can’t say; it could be Marcel changed the heresy examination to something more productive and less harsh, or it could just mean he became more strict towards heresy, but that would conflict with Olivier’s description about the accomodation thing. At any rate, I do classify them as dogmatic, and we see Marcel using the CCD to go after Olivier when he flees Geneva; it’s curious because there seems to be implied the CCD outranks his group, but he still uses their forces to do anything remotely violent. There is however, a passage where Lyra lies to a guard from the Office of Right Duty about being part of La Maison Juste, and the guard gets spooked. This is curious because La Maison Juste barely seems remarkable up until the congress happens, but the mention scares the man off.

Two groups  — that we know of  — were responsibility of Mrs. Coulter. The League of St. Alexander seemed to have been created around the same time LBS happens (roughly 1986 if the timeline makes any sense, which probably doesn’t). Hannah Relf learns at some point that Marisa was behind it, but it’s never clear what was her role in it exactly. It doesn’t look like the League was a private initiative, but actually tied to the Church and it was as good a Scam as any. Marisa being behind it didn’t necessarily mean she was the active leader of the group, as they mention a man under the codename Bishop seemed to be in charge, but then again, I cannot say with certainty. They were definitely a dogmatic group, with brainwashing added to the mix, but they seemed to have mutated over time and it isn’t clear whether they only existed in England or not.

The General Oblation Board was Mrs. Coulter’s actual, proper group. It was a private initiative, under the CCD’s rule, but the nature of their work seemed to threaten the CCD’s leadership in the Magisterium. MacPhail made an extra effort to try and dismantle them, especially because he believed that Dust should be destroyed and not examined. I don’t think the fate of the group was ever disclosed, despite their losses, but by TAS MacPhail mentions them as if they are still functioning. Whether they survived up to TSC is not clear, but it’s also hard to imagine what could they have become without Marisa. It’s also interesting to think what would have happened to the Magisterium, had Marisa succeeded in taking the place of the CCD; a private initiative group as the most powerful group in the Magisterium would have caused drastic changes, and probably opened the doors to the big corporations much sooner than Marcel’s work in TSC. The GOB could be classified as dogmatic, given their interest in Dust, but they were far more into scientific research than La Maison Juste seems to be, for example. They also had their own private guards, so no need for the CCD’s enforcers.

I think these groups showcase well how the Magisterium operates. The further we see Lyra go into the East, we realise how the grip of the Church seems lighter and far more military inclined. Is the Magisterium everywhere? Frankly, I don’t think so. I think they have a substantial presence in every country with any amount of political influence or power; any country that might offer opposition. We know they tried to conquer England through an actual war, which is quite odd for a religion, but this is where the Theocracy takes it place in Lyra’s world: they become a single unified front with their country  — Switzerland, in this case  — and the countries where they have more power, they can also control. The places they can’t take by force, they take with dogma and faith, and slowly overthrow these governments by turning their people against themselves.

They are so vastly fragmented that even places with small groups are affected by their presence, no matter small and odd that can be. It’s both curious and terrifying to see a world so deeply overwhelmed by a single opponent, but then again, it’s not that far off our reality. The Magisterium doesn’t represent just faith and religion, but also the big oligarchies, and how governments bend to the will of big companies, and how these aligned forces can become oppressive over time. The Church’s hold across Europe, Africa and Asia was not fast and unpredictable; it was obvious and slow. It started with small conversions and with time, the Church become a force of sustainability for different regions; they become an important part of the enviroment, of the economy, of the security of the country. They become something to be relied on and thus removing them become difficult over time as well, as the micro societies  — the neighborhoods, the small villages  — they become reliant on the Church’s helpful groups to survive, meaning that their fear of the enforcers are overwhelmed by the help of the Chapels, and the priories.

It’s the creation of a co-dependent ecosystem that is very difficult to dissolve without harming innocent people.

[yourfinalbow]

Ack anon I'm sorry. Tumblr ate your ask and I'm 🔪 But I saved your ask to put on the Google Doc so don't fret! I have it!

“Hi Ghastie Ghast, I wanted to share a prompt with you lol. I decided to go more holiday theme’d because it’s never too early to get into the holiday spirit.

“Your favorite winter drink was back on the menu, so I decided to surprise you with it.”

Please enjoy this prompt lmao”

The nickname made me -_- but hi Little Gray Circle Dude With Sunglasses! Thank you for sending me this! I had fun writing it. I'm assuming you wanted a Destiel fic, so that's what I wrote! (Also bonus points for Saileen as a background ship?) I sort of strayed a little from the prompt and the tone gets heavier as it goes on… 👀 I also accidentally wrote more than intended, so you can read it on Ao3 if that's easier. (And maybe give it a kudos because you’re the best?)

Title: Black Coffee Derangement Syndrome

Ship(s): Dean Winchester/Castiel, Sam Winchester/Eileen Leahy.

(Basic) Tags: Fluff, Slight Angst, Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker, Established Dean/Cas, Established Sam/Eileen, Using black coffee as a metaphor for hypermasculinity, With a whip cream style topping of internalized homophobia. *Finger guns.*

Warnings: Coffee gatekeeping and small sections of fluff that are as sweet as Cas’s Starbucks order. Also I’ve been to Starbucks once. Maybe twice? (Also a single mention of a drug that's commonly found as white powder, the non-descriptive comparison of Sam’s stupid health stuff with emesis, and use of the name that the figurehead for Germany in WW2 bore, just to be safe.)

Rating: T? Maybe? For language?

Word Count: 9k+

Quick thanks to my awesome beta @walksinstarllight! They are a poet and a writing sorcerer (wizard without a hat), and the only reason this fic even makes sense so please go shower them in kudos. (You can find their work here.)

Another thanks to @internetintroverts, who described a peppermint mocha to me in like 300 words because I drink black coffee and know nothing of anything ever. You can find their work here! (There's an Easter egg of one of their fics in this one hehe.)

The first thing Dean did when Cas got back from the Empty was give him coffee.

Okay no.

The first thing he did was fall into Cas’s arms and grip that stupid trenchcoat until his knuckles turned white. Shaking and laughing with hot tears streaming out of his eyes, he told him he was an asshole for leaving him like that. And to never, ever do it again. With blurry eyes and all other thoughts hazy, he told Cas he could have it, he could have what he wanted. Whatever he wanted. He told Cas he loved him too.

But then the next thing was coffee.

Caffeine is a hunter’s number one best friend, and since Cas was human again, Dean knew Sam was going to come at him with his stupid green health drinks and herbal tea. As Cas’s knight in shining armour, (a title used by Dean and Dean only), it was his duty to protect him from the disgustingly liquified rabbit food.

Now he expected Cas to like black coffee, you know, like a normal person.

But no, oh no. Apparently, he was dating a heathen.

Dean had to actually rub his eyes the first time he watched Cas fix his own coffee. He stood in the doorway of the kitchen, mouth agape.

Cas was leaning on the counter, humming some song that Dean could neither recognize, nor would he approve of, thank-you-very-much.

(Ok it was Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift and it's entirely possible he's listened to it once or twice but he still doesn't approve of it, thank-you-very-much.)

He held his yellow and black striped, bee-themed ceramic mug Eileen had bought him in one hand, and the entire five-pound bag of cane sugar in the other. And there he stood, happy as can be, pouring it directly into his mug.

Dean rubbed his eyes again.

And not even like, a normal amount either.

He just kept pouring, and pouring, and Oh my god he’s still pouring. Dean thought. It would honestly be more believable if it wasn’t sugar at all, and instead was in fact Cas’s secret stash of cocaine.

Dean might actually have to put sugar on the grocery list after he was finished.

His thoughts traveled back to Ishim doing the same thing with his coffee, in the tiny little diner Cas had set up as a meeting place. Dean had barged in that day, not thinking of his brother mocking him, or the possibility of danger inside. His vision was as tunneled as his thoughts  focused only on Cas, not caring about anything else.

By that time the following day, Dean thought they were both going to die. The bloody and uneven sigil on the wall, Cas no more than ten feet away. Not quite within a comforting reach. The room was spinning from the blow to his head, and he could barely make out the words being spat from Ishim’s mouth.

“You blast me away, you’ll blast away every angel in the room. I’ll survive. Castiel, on the other hand, he’s hurt. He might live, or he might just end up a bloody smear on the wall.”

He almost lost Cas that day.

The blood rushed to his ears as his instincts sought out the mark on the wall. Ishim had told him to roll the dice, but in his head he couldn’t look past the chance of rolling a one. Watching the acrylic cube bounce until it decided Cas’s fate. There was no dilemma, there wasn’t even a decision to be made. He would always choose Cas over himself. Silent acts of care he could never vocalize.

An inability to speak formed from fear and cowardice. Like a lion in his stomach scratching at the words until they fell back down his throat.

And it was that inability to speak that led Cas to think he was nothing more than a tool for the Winchester’s to use.

He almost let Cas believe he meant nothing to him.

Dean cleared his throat. “Mornin’ Sunshine.”

Cas set down the bag of sugar and picked up the pot, the glass making a small clink as it hit the top of the coffee maker. “Goodmorning Dean. Would you like any coffee?” He greeted cheerfully, turning around like he hadn't just put enough sugar to make a pound cake in his coffee.

“Uh.” Dean was still caught off-guard by Willie Wonka over there. “Sure Cas.” He took the coffee pot from his hand and muttered a thank you.

“So,” Cas started while Dean reached into the cabinet for his own mug. “What ingredient do you suggest I put in my coffee this morning?”

“Uh...I don't know man. I drink my coffee black.”

“Yes I know you’re boring Dean, but you can still help me not be.”

“Black coffee isn't boring it's-”

“Dean, if you say ‘manly,’ I will sit you down and make you eat only spinach and kale for a week.” Sam said, walking into the kitchen, hair still spiked up from sleep. He used one hand to sign the words, his other one occupied by Eileen, who was sleepily shuffling closely behind.

Dean looked aghast. “I would starve.” He attempted to sign his indignant response, hands moving sloppily while holding both his mug and the coffee pot.

“I think that's the point.” Eileen said, laughing. She looked at Cas. “Is Dean gatekeeping your coffee aspirations again?”

“Yes.” He answered, ignoring Sam’s laugh and Dean’s huff of exaggerated outrage.

“Have you tried cinnamon?” Sam suggested. “You like Dean’s apple pie, and that has cinnamon in it.”

“I’m not so sure about that, Sam. Dean told me not to ever take cooking advice from you.“

“And I stand by that.” Dean interjected suddenly.

“I can cook!”

“Ehhh…” Eileen’s comment bought her a look of betrayal. “Though Sam may be right on this one, you might like it.” She shrugged.

“See.”

Cas pondered the thought for a moment. “Perhaps I will then.”

“Do we have nutmeg?” Eileen said, breaking away from Sam’s grip to check one of the cabinets. He walked to the other side of the kitchen, intending to look through the spice rack, knowing exactly what his girlfriend was getting at.

“You better not mess up my damn kitchen.” He said quickly. “Or you're organising them all next time.”

Sam rolled his eyes, knowing full well Dean would never let him organise the kitchen. Eileen looked through them, carefully turning the bottles around until the labels faced her. She pulled out the cinnamon and clove while she was looking for the nutmeg.

“Found it.” Sam called from the other side of the kitchen, walking over and putting a hand on Eileen’s shoulder.

“Thank you.” She said with a smile, grabbing the plastic spice jars.

She individually tossed each one to Cas. “Use these, it will taste like a pumpkin spice latte.”

“And don't forget the milk.” Sam added.

Cas scrambled to catch the spices, successfully grabbing two of them out of the air, the third one intercepted by Dean.

“What’s a pumpkin spice latte?” He looked at Eileen before snatching the bottle of cinnamon from Dean.

“It's a famous drink you can get at Starbucks.” Sam answered.

Cas tilted his head to the side and squinted at him. “What's a Starbucks?”

“You know, the coffee shop Alex and Patience drag Jody to all the time.” Dean said.

“I’m pretty sure Donna drags her there too.” Sam added. “Something about girl’s date night out.”

“The one Claire says is for ‘basic bitches’?” He lifted his hands, forming air quotes as he spoke.

“Yeah.” Dean answered, quietly laughing. “That's the one. She’s probably right, too.”

Cas carefully put the different spices in his coffee, eyeing the mug warily. His light brown coffee now had specs of...stuff in it.

(And unbeknownst to him, there was also a small pile of sugar at the bottom, the coffee so saturated it wouldn't dissolve any more.)

Eileen laughed at the look on his face. “It's good, I promise.”

Sam turned to look at her. “How would you know? Most of the time you get hot chocolate and spike it with bourbon.”

“You’re the one who gets a Pink Drink.”

Dean choked on his coffee. “What?”

“It's strawberry and coconut milk, and it's delicious.”

“Sure it is Sam.” Eileen jabbed.

“So what I'm getting here is that not only have you two been to Starbucks often enough to have a regular order, but Sam gets something called a ‘Pink Drink’?”

“No…” Sam started, trying to find a way to defend them. “Sometimes we…”

“...Make our own drinks.” Eileen snapped her fingers as she finished for him, attempting to save them from the endless stream of good-natured insults Dean would throw at them otherwise.

“Well you two are a real Martha Stewart, aren't you?”

“Yeah, except she's a convicted criminal.” Sam attempted to snark back.

“So are you!”

Before either of them could respond, Cas shoved his mug into Dean's face. “You have to try this, Dean. It tastes like pumpkin pie.”

Dean carefully grabbed the hot mug from Cas and took a sip. He was right, it did taste kinda like pumpkin pie. He took another sip, letting the pleasant flavor sit on his tongue. The different spices mixed perfectly together.

“I mean it's… okay.” He lied.

Dean contemplated his pumpkin themed food options. “Though I would rather just have pumpkin pie.”

Cas took his mug back. “Fine. More for me.” He said with a smirk, mimicking the look Dean gives him every time Cas says he doesn't want anymore bacon, before taking another sip of the makeshift pumpkin spice coffee.

Dean smiled at him, setting his own mug down and moving Cas’s out of the way to pull him into a kiss. He could smell the nutmeg almost as much as he could taste the cinnamon on his lips.

“Mmm we should bake pumpkin pie tonight.” He said, pulling away just enough so he could talk.

“I would like that.” Cas answered. “All four of us could make pie. According to the 'mom blogs', as you call them, it would be a good family bonding exercise.”

“That’s right. And if they want any pie, they gotta help make it. That means more for us if they refuse.” He grinned.

“A win-win situation, really.” Cas smiled before tugging Dean close so their lips met again.

“I love you.” Dean muttered.

“I love you too.” Cas said softly.

Behind their backs Sam and Eileen were fake-gagging at their sickly sweet interaction, but secretly just glad the two of them had finally gotten over their stubborn (and oblivious) selves.

Sam was honestly overjoyed to see his brother finally happy. He would even go as far as saying finally willing to be himself, too. (Not that he would ever say this outloud. Sam can practically see Dean’s eyes roll farther back into his head than should be possible at the words.) All four of them had gone through more shit in the last few months than any normal person would in their entire life. They were all just lucky to be alive, and with that, learning how to savour the little moments of overly sweet normalcy.

(And the pumpkin spice-life Dean had secretly been longing for since they were little kids.)

So of course they were going to help bake pie.

---

“I want to try Starbucks.” Cas said the next morning, both of them still in bed.

Dean groaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Can I ask why, or is this one of those, 'I'll tell you later’ disasters like with the slime ingredients?”

“I want to try all the human things that I didn't get to try last time.” He said offhandedly.

Dean pictured Cas’s hurt face when he had told him he couldn’t stay, smile broken as Dean’s own heart shattered from the look the newly-human angel was giving him.

He wanted to tell him it was going to be okay, that Cas himself wasn’t the reason, but the lion in his stomach clawed the words down faster than even the thought of ruining Sam’s chances at survival could.

With a pang of guilt from the memory, Dean pulled himself closer to Cas and rested his head on the other man’s chest. He wrapped his arms around him, trying to preserve as much warmth and comfort as he could until they had to inevitably get out of bed. “Only if you let me sleep like this for thirty more minutes.”

Cas smiled. “Oh, are we making deals now?”

“I’d sell my soul for you.” Dean said cheekily, which earned a glare from Cas. “Believe me, I know.”

After a beat he went on. “Fine, you have a deal.” Before Dean could celebrate by tugging the covers over their bodies, Cas added another clause to their agreement. “But... in true Crowley fashion, you have to seal the deal with a kiss.”

Dean lazily threw his arms into the air. “Victory.”

He turned over, pulling himself upwards until he was just inches from Cas. Cradling the angel-turned-Winchester’s head in his hands, Dean placed his lips on Cas’s, melting into the touch as he felt the other man’s arms wrap around his torso.

When he broke away from the kiss, Dean found himself face to face with the most beautiful smile he had ever laid eyes on, one born from adoration and love. Cas’s eyebrows were slightly scrunched up, but for once it wasn’t a sign of confusion when met with some obscure eighties rock reference. It was a tiny expression of care, and it was one that was truly Cas. Not Jimmy’s, not even one Cas had picked up from him or Sam. It was completely and wholly Cas, and a completely and wholly human thing to do.

He realized Cas had been doing that long before the Empty stole his grace.

Dean smiled back at him, relaxed. Like taking in a deep breath after being under murky water for forty years. He brushed a loose strand of soft, brown hair into its place, before falling back into his spot and closing his eyes. “Crowley would be proud.” He whispered with a soft laugh, smile deepening as Cas joined him.

When their quiet laughter died out, there was a pause, air stagnant and in its own sleepy haze

“Oh and Dean?”

“Hm?” Dean turned his head to look at him, eyes not failing to glow with their unusually bright, green pigment. He took a deep breath, the lids of his eyes already started to slowly fall back down again.

“The slime wasn't a disaster. You enjoyed it.”

“I did.” He muttered sleepily, a loose smile forming on his lips as he drifted off to sleep. Cas laid there, running his fingers through the other man’s hair, contentment and admiration showing itself in every feature on his face.

This was more than he could have ever wanted.

---

“Dean. Dean wake up.” Cas was excitedly whisper-shouting in his ear like a kid on Christmas morning. It was exactly thirty minutes later, (he had counted), and Cas was ready to get moving.

“No.” He answered back, mimicking Cas’s tone.

“But you’re like a cat.” He teased. “You're on me and I can't get up.”

Dean sighed. “I can't believe I let you talk me into this.”

“It didn't take much convincing.”

Dean rolled over to give Cas a playful glare, but was met with the saddest puppy dog eyes he had ever seen, completely throwing him off his guard.

“I'm going to kill Sam for teaching you that.”

Cas just continued to give him that look.

“Fine.” Dean relented, sitting up with a yawn and thinking about how he will now never be able to win another argument.

“Get dressed.” Cas said excitedly. “We're going to Starbucks.”

“Hooray.” He gave a sarcastic laugh, but a smile creeped on his lips.

They walked out of their room together, heading towards the bunker’s library. Dean slid in one of the chairs, turning Sam’s still-open laptop around and waking it up.

Cas, meanwhile, turned to a random page of the lore book resting on the table and started reading in an attempt to pass the time.

The sound of Dean typing filled the air. “So, I just looked it up, and do we have to go to Starbucks?”

“Yes.” Cas said simply, not looking up from the book.

Dean groaned. “Cas there isn't one in the county, let alone Lebanon. That's probably why Sam and Eileen make their own.”

“Where's the closest one?” Cas asked, his blinding, blue eyes glaring at the back of Sam’s computer like he was trying to will the coffee shop to be near.

“I thought it was across state lines and in Nebraska at first, but it looks like there's a small one in a town called Washington. It's about 80 miles from here.”

“Let's go!” Cas excitedly straightened his trenchcoat and headed towards the door.

“Or, we could leave Starbucks to the fourteen year old girls.”

Cas turned back around and rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure their entire demographic is fourteen year old girls, staff included.”

Alright, smartass. Dean thought, struggling to hide a smile.

Cas walked out the door, expecting Dean to follow.

“It takes an hour to get there, our coffee’s going to be cold by the time we get home, and it's freezing outside.” Dean muttered under his breath, but he grabbed his keys off the table and stood up, willing to follow Cas to the ends of the earth if it meant he would stay with him.

Not that he was going to enjoy this trip. In fact, he was currently doing the opposite of enjoying, and they hadn’t even gotten into the car yet. Starbucks. Starbucks. Really, Cas? Of all the places he wanted to go, it had to be Starbucks. He couldn’t want to explore humanity through Target or something?

Even Claire wouldn’t be caught dead in that place, with all the frou-frou toppings, elaborate drink mixes, and colourful, drizzled syrup. The people who go to Starbucks are the kind of people who like coffee that doesn’t taste like coffee. Teenage girls who might as well just be drinking whip cream, and that was without considering the seasonal drinks they fawn over.

Seasonal drinks that shouldn’t legally be allowed to be referred to as coffee.

Dean couldn’t believe he ever agreed to this, but still, he begrudgingly followed.

---

Using the GPS on Cas’s phone, (Dean said his insane directional skills helped out too), they found the Starbucks relatively easily once they were in the little town.

They parked the Impala, and Dean looked at the modern building. The green lettering contrasted with the tan plaster walls, spelling “Starbucks.”

He heard Cas get out, his feet making a crunching noise as they hit the gravel, and watched from across the top of the car as he started towards the coffee shop. Dean looked at the building warily, reluctance painted on his face.

Cas was telling him some random fact about a bird he saw, but Dean could only think about his reputation that was about to shatter like a vase dropping on tile floor.

Reputation with who? He didn't know.

Well, he had a vague idea, but chose not to let his thoughts wander that far.

It was okay. This was fine. He could swallow his pride and-

“Ooh. The peppermint mocha looks good.” Cas was reading the limited edition drinks on the drive-thru menu as they traveled across the parking lot.

Dean was going to barf.

They walked into the building, immediately hit with the overwhelming smell of excessive amounts of flavoured syrup indoused coffee. Dean glanced around the well-lit building, taking note of the many different people there.

(He wasn’t about to have any black-eyed minions reporting his Starbucks order to a very judgmental Queen of Hell.)

Cas pushed Dean’s protesting body into the line, looking pleased with the many different options written on the menu overhead.

He enjoyed the small touch of Cas’s hands on his back, moving him forwards to the line, but was grateful Cas was careful not to let them linger there too long.

He was still wary about doing… this, in public.

He knew Cas was patiently waiting for him to be ready, so he didn't know how to tell him that he might never be.

The teenager working the cash register interrupted his train of thought. “What will it be for ya?”

“I would like a peppermint mocha please.”

“Alrighty. And you?”

“I'll take just a black coffee.”

The barista looked unimpressed. “And your names?”

Dean grinned. “John and John.”

“No relation.” Cas added.

The barista just sighed. “How do you want me to differentiate the two of ‘em then?”

“Oh you can put ‘John Bonham’ on mine.” Dean replied.

“Comin’ right up.” Their tone didn't change, still just full of apathy that could only be perfected by the work of a burnt-out teenager.

Dean and Cas walked down to the end of the counter and towards the pickup section. “Now tell me, Castiel.” He stressed his partner’s name. “Who’s John Bonham?”

Cas sighed, but the corner of his mouth upturned in a grin. “John Henry Bohnham, affectionately referred to as ‘Bonzo’, born in 1948 and was most well known for being the drummer of the rock band ‘Led Zeppelin’.”

“Mmm very close, but unfortunately you forgot the word ‘best’ in front of ‘rock band.’” Dean smirked before leaning in for a chaste kiss.

“You should have said I was ‘John Bon Jovi.’” Cas said, smiling.

“Why? Because you’re only good at this sometimes?” Dean closed the gap between them.

As soon as their lips met, Dean pulled away instinctively, realization hitting him like a hunter with a bat as his eyes widened in terror. ��I-I'm sorry, I didn’t...” His words faltered as he looked around at the people sitting in the coffee shop, all of which were paying no mind to them.

He felt sick, guilt gnawing at him from a pit in his stomach.

“Hey, it's okay Dean. You know I'm perfectly fine with public displays of affection, and no one else even saw us. There's no need to apologize.”

“Yeah-h.” He said shakily. Before he could figure out who he was apologizing to, a voice from behind the counter called.

“I have an order for a mister ‘John’ and ‘John Bonham’.”

“That's us.” Dean spat the words out quickly, turning around to take them from the barista’s hand. He rushed out of the door, the small tinkling sound of the welcome bell and the blood rushing to his ears drowning out the sound of Cas’s call from behind.

He sat in the front seat of Baby, knowing he was being childish. Dean took a shaky breath and tried not to think about it.

About what the hell he was thinking, kissing Cas out in public like that. The judgemental eyes- black or not- that were watching. He thought about what his father would say, mind instantly going back to a moment in his childhood he has tried to forget since it happened, wondering where he went wrong.

About the time John had caught him and Lee, ignoring the weak excuses Dean was stuttering out. Skipping town faster than they had done in years.

About how the left side of his face had been a yellow-ish purple for weeks following, and the sore spot on his arm from where he caught the pavement as he flew towards it.

About how he had told Sam he just fell on a hunt. “Don't worry kid, you should have seen the vamp when I was done with him.” He swung his fist around in slow motion, pretending to punch an invisible enemy as his little brother giggled in childish bliss.

About how John never looked at him the same. The disgust in his eyes, harsh words on his lips.

About how he vowed to never disappoint his father like that again, and their joint hatred for that part of him. Sometimes it felt like the only thing they could agree on.

About how somewhere, somehow, he had decided Cas was different. That he somehow didn’t count, and that losing him hurt so much, was such an egregious pain, he wanted as much of Cas as he was allowed to have. And how that was something insurmountable stronger than the twisted, sick feeling John had placed in his gut.

He remembered something Cas had told him once: “Hatred isn’t a natural trait, Dean, it’s a learned one. A baby isn’t born with the ability to hate, it’s passed on from one broken soul to another. Love, love however. That’s something different altogether.”

Cas’s hand on his shoulder pulled Dean out of his thoughts. “Hey.” He said softly.

“Hey Cas.”

“I love you.” He got in the passenger's seat, taking his coffee from Dean’s still frozen hand.

“I love you too.” He whispered absentmindedly, staring straight ahead and seeing nothing but thoughts from the past. His mind fighting an internal battle, logic telling him that what he had with Cas wasn’t wrong, and even though everything from fate to God had tried to wedge itself between them, it was still the most right thing he had. And he knew that, but his dad’s drunken, booming voice echoed throughout his head, telling him that he was dirty. Telling him the Winchester men had no place for someone like him.

“You better stop that now, boy. Bad things happen to you when you’re weak.”

At the time he had taken that as a warning, rather than a threat. But now Dean wasn’t so sure.

It’s not even that his Dad was particularly religious. He wasn’t told that it was a sin, or that he was going to Hell. Though it’s not like that particular statement would have been wrong. He thought with a bitter laugh.

While the thoughts in his head were screaming mercilessly, the drive home was in a simple silence. The only noise being Cas’s occasional sip, and the sound of soft fabric rubbing against skin as Cas moved his hand in small, comforting motions against Dean's back.

When they got to the bunker, Cas, who was genuinely impressed that Dean managed to drive them home without crashing into a tree, pulled Dean out of the car and gently shook him out of his self-imposed stupor.

“Your coffee's cold.” Cas said with a laugh.

Dean blinked a couple times, clearing the fog from his mind, before laughing along with him. “And who’s fault is that? You were the one who insisted on traveling across the state to get it.”

“Do you want some of mine?” Cas asked. “There's a little bit left, and I held it next to the heater. It should still be lukewarm.”

“No thanks, Cas. I can go make some in the kitchen.”

“But what if I want you to try it?” Dean glared at him. “Don't make me do Sam’s ‘puppy dog eyes’ again.”

“Okay, okay. You win.” He put his hands up, mimicking a surrender. “I'll try some of your stupid, Christmas cookie, candy-cane flavoured coffee thing or whatever.” They started walking towards the entrance to the bunker.

“Peppermint mocha?”

“That's the one.”

Cas laughed at him.

“Oh just, give it here.” Dean said. He took a long sip from the disposable cup. He could taste a vague hint of whipped cream mixed in with the coffee, its light fluffy texture sticking to the last swallow of smooth liquid in the bottom of the cup. The chocolate and espresso rested on his tongue, and the peppermint was strong and refreshing. He took another sip.

“Does that face mean you like it?”

Dean looked at him guiltily. “No.” He opened the bunker’s door and started walking down the metal stairs.

“Yes you do.”

“No, I don't.”

“You took a second sip.”

Dean reached the bottom of the stairs first, and walked over to the War Room table to set both coffee cups and his keys down.

“So? I was trying to make sure I properly understood the flavour. Since when is that a crime?”

“You wanted to properly understand a flavour you didn't like?” Cas walked up to Dean and pulled the nearest chair out to sit down.

“What are you two arguing about this time?” Eileen asked from the library.

Cas clenched both of his hands into fists, putting the right one on top of the other. He made small, circular, stirring motions with his right hand. “Coffee.” He signed swiftly, movements fluid.

“Ah. That makes sense.” She spoke the words.

“What makes sense?” Sam asked, walking in from one of the hallways, making sure Eileen could see his lips before speaking.

“They're arguing over coffee again.”

Sam glanced at both of them, before his eyes reached the two cups on the War Room table.

“Wait a second… Dean?” He looked at his brother, before turning to face his best friend. “Cas?”

“Yes, Sam?” Cas answered.

“Did you two go to Starbucks?”

“I don't want to talk about it.” Dean grumbled.

“Yes, we did!” Cas sounded way too excited to be referring to coffee. “I got a peppermint mocha, and Dean tried some and liked it.”

“I did not.”

“I don't care what coffee you like, Dean. What I do care about is that you went all the way to Starbucks, and didn't bother to ask if we wanted to come.”

“Not cool Dean.” Eileen walked in, shaking her head and hiding a smile.

“I might have thought about buying you two drinks, but there was no way I was ordering yours with a straight face.” He looked at Sam. “And it's an hour away, they wouldn't have been hot or cold or whatever they're supposed to be by the time we got here.”

“Well then we'll just have to go back, all four of us.” Eileen put simply.

“It's an hour away.”

“We know.” Sam added.

“Let me say that again, in case you weren’t listening. It's an hour away. For coffee. That isn't even that good.”

“I beg to differ, Dean.” Cas said.

“Yeah I'm definitely with Cas on this one.” Eileen agreed while Sam nodded along.

“No. There's no way I'm getting back in Baby to drive all the way to Starbucks again.”

“Fine. We’ll go get our own.”

“With what car?” Dean said, very sure of himself.

Sam snatched Baby’s keys off the war room table, which in hindsight was probably something Dean should have expected.

“Let's hope Sam doesn't have too many shots of espresso.” Eileen said, faking concern. “I would hate for your baby to pay the price.”

“Fine. I'll drive you.” Dean grumbled while Eileen double fist-pumped her win.

Cas looked very pleased with the thought of getting to try more coffee.

---

They left shortly after, the drive over painful for everyone except Dean, who listened to the same four songs on repeat the entire hour.

(It’s their own fault, really.)

---

“Can we please listen to something other than Bob Seger on the trip home?” Sam complained as he slammed shut the door to Baby’s backseat.

“You’re just mad you didn’t get shotgun.” Dean said, closing his own door. “Besides, driver picks the music, everyone else shuts their cakehole.” Sam mouthed the words along with Dean, having heard the speech a million times before.

Eileen and Cas got out, neither one of them had any desire to input on their squabble, and were instead engaged in their own, quieter discussion.

Both brothers continued to argue until they walked into the Starbucks.

“Ah. There's the scent of overpriced coffee I missed.” Eileen joked as she took her first breath inside the building, using her hand to waft the smell towards her.

“What are you getting?” Cas asked Sam.

“I want my usual, and Eileen, what are you having?”

“Hot chocolate with espresso shots please. This place doesn't sell liquor.” She shook her head sadly and Sam laughed. “Good thing I brought my own.” She winked at them, opening her jacket just enough so they could see the inside pocket and showing off her flask.

“Oh, now that would be a Starbucks I would go to.” Dean said.

“You two wait in line.” Sam pointed to Cas and Dean. “We’ll save a table.”

Dean looked like he wanted to protest, but they walked away before he had the chance. Cas leaned over towards him. “Don't worry. I'll order Sam’s.” He very conspicuously winked.

Dean smiled at his attempts of regular human interaction, before over-the-top winking himself.

“Can you order for us? I need to talk to Sam about something.”

“Sure thing…” Cas had to think before finishing his sentence. “...buckaroo.”

Dean outwardly cringed. “Keep trying, you'll get there eventually.” He patted Cas on the back, which was slightly moving in a chuckle.

It was good to see Cas filled with so much simple joy. Face creased from laughter rather than stress, he seemed so much lighter. Happier. It was only a small sliver of what he deserved, but it was something. Maybe he could live with driving an hour to get what he assumed was half-decent coffee.

“What would you like?” Cas asked him, eyes still filled with a sparkle that only comes from gaining something you thought you lost.

“Uh.” He thought about it for a moment, almost considering branching out into the unexplored terrain that was the dark green menu with small, white text, before shuddering at the thought.

“I think I'll take that expensive black coffee I didn't get earlier.”

Dean was not going to turn into one of those people, if he had any say about it.

Cas walked into the line, leaving Dean to scan the room, furiously waving Sam over when his eyes found their booth.

“Sam.” He sounded like he was trying to whisper, but his volume raised far higher than that. The patron closest to Dean gave him a look before turning back to their work.

“Sam, come here, it's urgent.” His brother turned to look at him, rolling his eyes before getting out of the booth.

“What do you want?” He said once he reached Dean.

“Sam. Help. What do I do?”

“About what?”

“About what kind of coffee Cas is having.”

“Oh god, Dean let it go. He's not going to only ever drink black coffee. Contrary to popular belief, former angels do actually have souls.”

Dean ignored the implications that he didn't have a soul, too distracted by Cas. “But look.” He motioned his head towards where Cas was standing, next in line to order. “He’s eyeing the weird fruity drinks.”

“Dean. It's Cas. The man’s favorite food is PB&J. What did you expect him to have, taste?”

“Alright that's rich coming from mister Pinkity Drinkity or whatever the fuck.”

“You walked into a Starbucks and ordered black coffee, I don't think I'm the wrong one here.”

“Wait, wait. Shut up. Quiet.” He hit Sam on the shoulder in a childish attempt at getting him to stop talking so he could listen.

“Ow. That hurt.” Sam muttered, before turning to watch Cas, which Dean was already doing.

“I would like to try a…” Cas methodically scanned the menu again. “A ‘Passion Tango Iced Tea,’ please.” The barista took no mind to the excessive air quotes.

“It's not even coffee.” Dean said to Sam, clearly distraught. He turned to look back at Cas.

“And your name sir?”

“Lizzo.”

Dean threw his arms up into the air. “I can't believe this is the man I love.” His voice cracked like he was holding in tears of anguish from listening to Cas order.

Sam just rolled his eyes at the theatrics. Right, and he’s the dramatic one.

“Aw. You're in love.” Sam held his hands up, forming a heart and mocking his brother.

“Oh shut up. What are you, seven?”

“Is Cas your gay thing?”

“You shut your mo-”

“What are we gossiping about?” Eileen whispered, cutting Dean off and causing them both to jump.

“We're not gossiping.” Sam said indignantly.

“Sam started it.”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

“This is where I call you two ‘asshats’, right?”

“It's ‘assbutt.’” Cas said, walking up to them and catching the tail end of their conversation. “And that's my line.”

Cas handed them each their drinks, before excitedly trying his own. He put the plastic cup up to his mouth, almost missing the straw. When he swallowed the cranberry-colored liquid, his face relaxed in pleasure.

“I know this one isn't coffee, but it's really good.”

“We didn't get coffee either.” Eileen said. “So don't worry, Dean's the odd man out here.”

Dean glared at her before trying his own coffee, and well, it was coffee. The point of buying expensive caffeine still went straight over his head.

The four of them went over to their thankfully-still-available booth and sat down. Dean and Cas sat on one side, both instinctively choosing the side that faced the door, with Sam and Eileen sliding into the seats directly across from them. They sat there, talking about nothing in particular, and certainly nothing of importance, before falling into the natural art of storytelling.

Aside from killing monsters, that’s what hunters did best. Sitting around and sharing stories. As tiring and dangerous as their lives were, some hunts were worth sharing exaggerated and hyperbolic versions of, especially over drinks.

Sam’s favourite story to tell changed every time, and one would almost be inclined to believe that most of it wasn't real, but the wildest parts also caused the most merriment. (Dean pretended he hadn’t witnessed the whole thing, sparing Sam by not telling the other two how it actually went down.)

Eileen shared of her time in Ireland. “Foreign country, foreign monsters.” She said with a wink, telling of creatures neither Sam nor Dean had even read about.

Dean’s favourite story to tell, aside from the fact that he killed Hitler, was the time he got to solve a mystery with everyone’s favorite talking dog. And yeah, all three of the people that sat at the table had heard both many times before, but that didn't matter, it was still enrapturing to hear them again.

Cas had millenniums to choose from, but always found the most interesting hunts to be the ones with the Winchesters. He also had many hilarious stories about his adventures with Crowley, but he was less fond of those.

“I remember once, Dean went on a hunt with Dad.” Sam started. “Nasty vampire, it got a hit or two on Dean. I think you guys went with another hunter. Young. About your age, actually. Uh…”

He snapped his fingers, trying to recall the name. “Lee. That's it.” Dean looked up from the coffee right as Sam said it. “Do you remember him?”

Something flashed in Dean’s eyes, but his brother didn't seem to notice.

Cas, who was used to admiring every minute detail of Dean's expression and posture, didn't miss the ever so slight, yet sharp, inhale. Or the way he swallowed before speaking, trying to clear the small lump from his throat.

Dean noticed too, internally rolling his eyes at his own reaction.

“Yeah it's been a while, but I remember him.” Dean was blatantly ignoring Cas’s burning stare from beside him, and the fact that he had stabbed Lee through the chest just last year.

Cas made sure no one was watching before gently placing a hand on Dean’s thigh. Knowing it would comfort him from both intuition and experience. Dean stiffened under the touch, but after realizing no one could see where Cas’s hand was, he visibly relaxed.

“What happened to him?” Eileen asked innocently.

“Oh uh, a hunt I think. Most of us go that way, I assume he was no different.” Technically Dean dealt the final blow, but it was the entrancing call of the monster, greed, and the life Lee and Dean had both secretly wanted, that caused his former-friend’s downfall in the end.

“Yeah.” Sam said solemnly, suddenly lost in his own thoughts, most of which were riddled with grief.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, letting the weight of their many losses wash over them like a tidal wave.

One made of espresso and milk rather than the rough waters of the sea.

---

The ride back was more manageable, Dean allowing them one song choice each, complete with a warning to pick wisely.

(They all very cheekily chose the songs they knew would bother Dean the most.)

---

Full on coffee, cookies Dean bought for them at Starbucks, and brimming with contentment, (as well as the fact that they spent half the day in the car), Cas suggested to Dean that they “hit the hay” as they stepped back into the bunker.

They laid there in silence, breathing in scents of comfort, coffee, and each other, until Cas eventually drifted off to sleep.

Dean, however, continued to lay there. Thinking.

He remembered the first solo case John sent him on.

Something curled inside his gut.

They had been two nuns, their fate a product of hate crime. Put to death for simply being themselves.

Dean didn't blame them for coming back as ghosts.

He remembered the words - ones he would soon learn were slurs - that John would spit out like acid.

Or offhandedly toss like they didn't bear enough weight to shatter the window of a person's self-image.

It had taken him almost forty years to realize that very same window inside of him was in sharp, jagged pieces. Cutting anyone and everyone who came near.

It had taken Cas dying to start picking them up again.

He turned to look at the man next to him, relaxed and blissfully sleeping. His chest moved up and down rhythmically, and Dean slowed his breath to match until he fell into a surprisingly peaceful slumber.

---

When Dean woke up, the other side of his bed was cold.

He didn't panic, knowing full well that Cas probably ran to the bathroom, or was pouring another mountain of sugar in his coffee.

Losing Cas again to the Empty had ripped him apart, but months of spending every night with his partner left him with less nightmares and waking in cold sweats then he had since before Hell.

Dean also learned that his own presence was enough to fight off the demons of solid, black goo that plagued Cas’s head at night.

He was finally starting to understand why life seemed to lose all meaning when Cas was gone, and from there he could slowly start to rebuild both of them.

Dean heard soft padding noises as socked feet walked down the hall, and there was a knock on the bedroom door. "S'your room too, Cas. You don't have to knock." He laughed, words slightly slurred from just waking up

Cas walked in, wielding two mugs of coffee and a proud look shining in his eyes. “I made us coffee.” He said triumphantly, handing one of the mugs to Dean.

“I put chocolate and peppermint in your coffee.”

Dean fake-gasped. “You monster. Ruining the integrity of my drink like that.”

“I'm a human, you ass.” Cas responded, a smile tugging at his lips. “Besides, I know you liked mine yesterday.”

“I did not.” He said, discontentedly crossing his arms. “I only drink coffee that's as black as my soul. Darker than the night sky. Hotter than the bunker’s computer when it overheats. As manly as-”

“Oh, just drink your damn coffee.”

“Fine.” He groused. “But I'm not enjoying it.”

Cas raised an eyebrow at him, before setting his mug on the bedside table and sitting down behind Dean. The bed creaked underneath him as he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist. “Is this why you and Sam never use umbrellas?” He joked.

Dean laughed.

Cas rested his head on the crook of Dean’s neck and whispered. “You know you don't have to pretend.”

“Pretend what?” Dean asked softly.

“You know.”

“That I don’t like flavoured coffee?” He said with a snort.

“Sort of.” Cas hugged him tighter. “No one’s going to think any less of you Dean. You’re allowed to like the things you like.”

“I know.” He resigned.

“John isn't here anymore.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I know.” The words barely came out as a whisper, hot tears betraying Dean’s eyes as they silently leaked out and ran down his cheeks.

He tried to wipe the tears away, hearing his Dad’s voice in his head and knowing he was being stupid.

Dean couldn't help but think of himself as a small, living-room window, from an old, dilapidated house. Stained yellow with age. Cracking from wear.

He let the drumming of his Dad’s words in his head be drowned out by Cas’s voice.

He couldn't unwrap the fuzz from around him, so he didn't know what Cas was saying, ears seemingly filled with cotton. It was just the knowledge alone that he was there. That he was holding him and whispering comforting words into his ear. That even as a human he could heal Dean at his lowest points, and still see him as the brightest, strongest, soul.

You don't really know what a picture is going to be until it's done.

Maybe that window is a beautiful stained-glass portrait.

“Uh.” Dean cleared his throat. “What-what do you have?” He indicated Cas’s coffee by angling his head towards where it sat on the nightstand.

“I made iced coffee.”

Dean just looked at him, astounded, eyes widening. “You mean it’s not hot?”

“Yes, that's where the ‘iced’ in ‘iced coffee’ comes from.” He said very seriously.

They both sat in silence for the next hour, peacefully drinking their coffee and enjoying the presence of one another.

---

When they got out of bed and ventured into the rest of the bunker, they found Sam and Eileen in the library.

They were sitting in adjacent chairs, with Eileen laying her head on Sam’s shoulder and reaching for her water bottle on the table. They were reading a book together, but Eileen shook Sam indicating she had seen them walk in.

“Goodmorning.” She greeted cheerfully.

“Mornin’.” Dean pulled up a chair across from them, and watched as Cas did the same.

“What are you two reading?” Cas asked.

“The Men of Letters’s Bestiary.” Sam said.

Dean snorted. “Ah. Doing a little light reading are we?”

“We're thinking about filling in some of the pages.” Eileen added.

“Yeah, for all of the stuff they have here, it's surprisingly empty.” Sam continued flipping through some of the pages, most of which were blank.

“Heh. I should put you in that thing, Cas.”

Cas let out a laugh. “Right. Because I’m a good example of an angel.” The sarcasm was masking something else in his voice.

“If it makes you feel any better, you’ve always been my favourite angel.” Dean only realised how sappy he sounded after it came out of his mouth.

“Yeah, I’ve heard the rest of them are dicks.” Eileen added.

Cas smiled at that, seemingly back to normal.

“Right, well you three can do that, I'm off to the Dean Cave.”

“Or…” Sam started.

“We could go back to Starbucks.” Cas finished, nodding his head enthusiastically.

“Yeah... that's not where I was going with that, but I like where your head’s at, Cas. We should definitely go back.”

“Eileen?” He asked.

“Hell yeah.”

“Dean?”

Dean pressed his mouth into a thin line and glared at him. “Yes, sure, fine. But we're not making this a daily thing.”

“That's fair.” Cas agreed. “It's probably not very healthy.”

He went to grab his wallet and keys before Sam could start his speech on the nutritional value of green things, and Eileen snatched her water bottle off the library table as they all got up to leave.

---

Dean gave up on letting them choose the music after snickering and requesting “Friday” by Rebecca Black for the third time in a row.

(It wasn't even Friday?)

---

Dean stepped out and closed Baby’s door in the parking lot of Starbucks an hour later, kicking the loose pieces of gravel on the asphalt for the third time in two days.

“We might as well just live here.” He said, tone dripping with sarcasm.

“I wouldn't make that offer if I were you, Cas looks like he’d be totally on board.” Sam laughed.

Cas went and stood beside Dean as they started walking towards the building, smiling.

“What?” Dean asked, question genuine and free of all malice.

“Nothing.” Cas answered, smile not faltering.

His eyes revealed nothing but pure devotion for the man he was staring at. A silent promise, one without pressure, that he would be standing there, and Dean could take the leap anytime he wanted.

Dean was slowly inching towards the end of the diving board.

---

“I think I'll just drink my water.”

“Oh that's exciting.” Sam joked. “If I got you a lemon to go with it, would you be able to handle that?”

“Don't talk to me about my drink, when yours is a vivid green puke colour.”

“Hey, at least it actually has a colour. And a flavour at that.”

Dean couldn’t believe those words were coming from the same man who drinks exactly a hundred and one ounces of water a day. (Which, according to Sam, is the recommended amount for males, as stated by the Institute of Medicine.)

(Dean didn’t care.)

“Fine then.” She turned to look at Dean. “Get me the strongest thing on the menu.”

Dean laughed before turning to Cas. “Let's just go get in line before we suffer at the hands of the Leahy like Sam.”

Sam and Eileen went to look for a place where they could all sit again, playfully bickering the entire way.

While he was standing in line with Cas, Dean looked over at his brother, and found him and Eileen sitting at a small table in the corner.

Cas was still helping him learn ASL, so he caught parts of their conversation.

“If Jack is in every drop of rain, do you think he's in your water?” Sam signed, trying to contain his laughter.

Eileen pushed her water away with a look of disgust. “You’re lucky I love you.” She answered back.

“I know I am.”

He watched her silently laugh before turning back to look at Cas.

They really did have it good, didn't they?

“What are you ordering, Dean?”

Dean stood there silently, contemplating. He internally weighed his pros and cons, mind leaving the menu entirely. While there was still a lot of shit he had to work through, (shit he had been actively not working out his entire life), there wasn’t much of a decision to be made.

He would always choose Cas.

“You know what?” He reached out and grasped Cas’s hand firmly. “I was thinking about being less boring. What ingredients do you suggest I try?”

Cas smiled warmly, reaching the crinkled corners of his eyes. “They have a cinnamon flavoured one. That’ll be almost like apple pie.”

“Will it really?” Dean’s tone was dismissive, but there was a smile on his face.

“Yes, Sam told me.“

“Not that I trust Sam’s judgment, but okay, I think I’ll take one of those.”

“I'm going to have a real pumpkin spice latte this time.” Cas seemed very pleased with the aspect of buying something they could make it home, but Dean wasn't going to fault him for it.

The patron in front of them finished ordering, clearing the way for Cas and Dean. The barista from the first time they went caught sight of them and made a face. “Wait a minute. I think I know you two.”

“Yes, we came here yesterday.” Cas helped. “Well, we actually visited twice, but you weren't working the second time.”

“Right... John and John, how could I forget?”

“This time we're ordering for four though.”

“I would like a…” Dean squinted at the menu, looking for the cinnamon flavoured coffee. “‘Cinnamon Dolce Latte.’ And my devilishly handsome friend here will take the pumpkin spice version.”

“And what are the other two drinks and names?”

Dean whispered something in Cas’s ear. “I'll drink the coffee, but I won't budge on this one.”

“That's okay Dean, you’ll get there eventually.” He whispered back.

The barista looked unimpressed with them. Again.

Dean cleared his throat. “Ahem, sorry. The tall one with the stupidly long hair,” he pointed towards Sam, “is getting…” he trailed off before looking to Cas for help.

“I don't know, man. It was something sickly looking. Cold? Green? Possibly tea?”

“And Iced Green Tea Latte?” The barista suggested.

“That's the one. His name is Jimmy.”

“And the lovely lady sitting next to him would like the strongest drink you have. Her name is Robert.”

“Her name is Robert…?” He slowly pointed towards Eileen, sounding unsure of himself.

Or them.

“Yup.” Cas said.

Eileen gave a little wave from across the room.

He gritted his teeth in a very clearly fake smile. “Coming right up.”

They paid for their coffee and picked it up, taking the travel cups across the room and towards Sam and Eileen.

Cas took a sip from his pumpkin spice latte, gleefully smiling. “As much as I like trying different drinks, I think I might start just getting this one. It's my favourite.”

Sam leaned over to Dean, neither one taking their eyes off of Cas. “Should we tell him the drink is seasonal?” He glanced at Sam, before staring back at his partner, whose face was beaming like a literal ray of sunshine.

Dean’s face softened. “Nah. Let’s not ruin his moment.” He took a sip of his cinnamon coffee and damn, it was delicious.

Nothing at all like apple pie, but still delicious.

Cas walked over to him, making eye contact in a silent question. Dean nodded with a small smile, and Cas took his hand.

“I love you.” Cas whispered.

“I love you too.” He whispered back.

They didn’t whisper to hide, and it wasn't because he was ashamed. It was because that exchange was just for them.

Dean leaned in and softly kissed Cas.

Now that was to tell everyone in the shop that his devilishly handsome friend was spoken for.

Slowly, the sun would come out and shine through the stained-glass window, shadow portraying the picture of an angel.

And alright, fine, Dean could admit that he enjoyed the peppermint mocha.

He thought about it for a moment, before giving a light chuckle, realising something.

“What?” Cas asked, turning to look at him with a soft smile resting on his face.

“Nothing.” Dean whispered, squeezing Cas’s hand in his. He took a sip from his coffee, relishing in the warm and cozy flavour enrapturing his tongue.

He was only thinking that maybe, just maybe,

Cas had changed him too.

---

Bonus Epilogue:

Dean held the glass door open for the other three, and they all walked out onto the asphalt, laughing, and making their way towards Baby.

The street lamp overhead flickered, and all four of them froze.

“Did anyone happen to get the salted caramel macchiato?” Dean whispered.

---

-This fic on Ao3 (Kudos and comments would be greatly appreciated.)

-Writing Tag

-Ao3

-Request fics/drabbles/ficlets. (Please)

[turnaboutyandere]

Ok so Japanese culture two electric boogaloo.

In japan a girl gives all the people they know chocolate on valentine's day. Theres a catch tho. Only crushes partners and spouses get handmade chocolate

So yeah ace attorney characters when you handmake their valentine's gift:

Phoenix: drops what he was holding no matter what it is: coffee cup, paperwork, his wallet, his lunch. The only thing he wouldn't drop in that situation is his daughter. Hes far from the lovesick fool he use to be with dahlia but he is annoyingly cheerful and apollo athena and maya have noticed

Miles: had done research prior about y/ns culture as he hadn't lived in japan for a long time/at all/whatever capcom's decided now. Was sweating on if he should give y/n something back and also expecting store bought. When he sees the chocolate hand made he calmly smiles gets up and hugs them. Shocking everyone around him in the process.

Franziska: will take anything you gift her today as a subtle flirtation. Has done a little research on japan and valentine's day though so when she sees the handmade candy she is really happy tho just like her she doesn't let it show. At least until she reaches under the table and pulls out handmade chocolate of her own.

Diego: do yourself a favor and store buy. Tell him you like him but you understand that he only accepts food in closed packages. That you respect his boundaries. Trust me he will appreciate it. Confesses then and there

Dahlia: she wont exactly eat it store bought or handmade cause of poison and calories. Also will not reciprocate. Does take a picture for her Instagram.

Iris: I honestly think it's against her eating restrictions. Get her a plushy instead tho she will almost certainly give it to a needy child. She will still think your sweet tho

Klavier: didnt research. Was irritated when y/n gifted candy to everyone. Did notice his gift was different then everyone elses. Asks either franziska or miles about it in german. While y/n is still in the room. After he understands right when y/ns about to leave he tackle hugs them. It takes a hour to convince him to let go.

Mia: pretty lady is shocked. Has NEVER gotten a gift on valentine's from a girl before. Feels guilty cause babe doesnt have a present to give back. Reassure her please. Relieved that y/ns into girls. Takes y/n to dinner to reciprocate. Almost doesnt want to eat it cause it's a symbol of love.

Gumshoe: thrilled, completely and absolutely thrilled. Runs around showing people like phoenix shows people his badge.

These are all beautiful (also Gumshoe’s lmao) so of course I’d like to add the rest of the characters:

Damon: Wasn’t expecting anything but is pleasantly surprised by your gift, especially since it’s homemade. He’s not too happy that everyone else got a gift from you as well, but he puts up with it; it is your culture after all. He probably wouldn’t know about White Day, though, so he’ll just reciprocate your gift that day. Surprisingly, he’s actually pretty good at making sweets.

Shelly: Very, very happy that you got him something, even though chocolate isn’t really his thing. He’s also not the best at making it either, so expect to be treated to a nice dinner that day as a way to make up for it. He’ll also give you something on White Day, too. Though the chocolate you receive is store bought, it’s very high quality, as he wants you to have nothing but the best.

Matt: Hesitant to eat it unless it’s store bought and even then, he won’t be eating much. He’s an actor, after all and he wants to stay in good shape. He will reciprocate, though, but he’s too impatient to wait until White Day. Expect to get chocolates, flowers, a teddy bear, etc. that evening. He goes overboard with his gifting, mostly because he wants you to feel like you have to stay with him since he’s done so much for you.

Kristoph: Actually was expecting to get something from you but is surprised that it’s homemade. He’ll graciously accept it, though, despite the fact that he’s not really a fan of sugar. Being who he is, he’ll likely try to one-up your gift when White Day comes around. However, since he’s not good at making sweets, he likely orders chocolate from Germany and gives you that.

Wocky: Listen, listen, listen - this boy will cry and hug you like there’s no tomorrow. He’s never gotten something for Valentine’s Day before, so he’s both surprised and emotional when you hand him his gift. He’ll excitedly tell his parents about it afterwards, and they’ll help him find a good recipe for sweets that he can make you.

Ray: A hopeless romantic through and through, so of course he’d planned to surprise you with something on Valentine’s Day, like a nice date or a thoughtful gift. The one who ended up being surprised was him, though, since he was not at all expecting to get homemade chocolate from you. He’s very happy and even a little emotional, tearing up a bit at your small symbol of love. He doesn’t wait until White Day to reciprocate, though, as he wants to show you his love for you every single day.

Sebastian: Has never gotten something for Valentine’s day before, so he’s very emotional when you give him chocolate, regardless of whether it’s homemade or store bought. He probably got something for you as well, but he feels it pales in comparison to your gift. He’ll try to make up for it on White Day, though, and do his best to make you something that’s at least edible.

Simon K: Immediately gets jealous when he sees you giving candy to others, despite the fact that he doesn’t like sweets himself. But when you give homemade chocolate to him (and explain the meaning behind it) he’ll feel conflicted. He’s never felt loved before, so your gift has caused a lot of emotional conflict within him. Still, he’ll make sure to give you something back on White Day, even though he’s not the best at making sweets.

Katherine: Going to give you homemade chocolate of her own since she kinda does that already. Even if your sweets aren’t the best, she’ll gladly eat them and even offer you advice if you want it. When it comes to her gift, she goes all out, pouring her heart and soul into each and every piece of chocolate she makes for you. She’s also very careful not to let them become misshapen like her usual chocolates are.

Bobby: So happy that he’ll nearly burst into tears (who am I kidding? He will burst into tears). He promises to return your gift on White Day (after Blackquill, who was very annoyed, explains it to him) but he ends up giving it to you a week earlier due to his impatience. Also, the entire precinct will hear about your gift because he refuses to shut up about what an amazing partner you are.

Simon B: Becomes very red but tries to play it off like it’s nothing. In reality, he’s just surprised by your gift, especially since it’s homemade. He’s very grateful though, and it helps to ease his worries about the relationship. When White Day rolls around, he’ll give you homemade sweets in return. They’re not exactly pretty and are quite misshapen, but it’s clear that he put a lot of work into making them.

______

- Mod Dollie

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #444

“the monster you made is wearing the crown  /  i’ll be the king, and you’ll be the clown”

Do you take off from school, or work for your birthday? Ha, I used to try to talk Mom into letting me stay home from school... It only sometimes worked. Have you ever created ‘open when’ letters for someone? No. That'd be cute for an s/o, though. What is the best thing about being in the relationship you’re in right now or about being single? Not having to fear my partner leaving because of the struggles I'm going through. Not having to worry about not being enough for another person, because I'm not even enough for myself. Do you have a favourite painting? Not by a historical artist, no, but there is a piece by a deviantART artist called "Denialism" (by NukeRooster/Tatchit, if you're interested) that I adore so much I've actually gotten her permission to get it tattooed one day when I can afford a brilliant artist to do it. What are some of the best life hacks you know? /shrug What makes you smile without fail? MARK LAUGHING laj;sdkafjwlk;erj Do you know what you’ll be getting your loved ones for the holidays this winter? No clue. That's still a whiles off. What is your biggest short-term goal (within the next month)? Just lose a decent amount of weight for a month's time. What will your next tattoo be of? It depends on what cash I have available, really. As much as it sucks, I think my next tat is a whiles off because I just have more pressing things to pay for. Has anyone very close to you ever died? Besides pets, the closest human to me that's ever died was Jason's mom. If you were throwing your significant other/best friend a themed party, what would the theme be? Uh, Frieza-related, obviously. Do you feel prepared for the apocalypse? I don't believe in the apocalypse in the biblical sense of it being determined by an ultimate power, so this isn't something I really think about. Whenever humanity ends, it ends. I don't have a say, so I may as well not obsess over it. Do you think you will have children naturally, adopt, or forgo having children altogether? I'm not having kids, but if I did, I know that either I'd have to give birth to them or my hypothetical wife would for me to feel *properly* connected to them as a mother should. Oh, or if my male partner had a kid from a previous relationship, but I'd have to be REALLY in love with him to feel like that child is also my own. Do you take pictures of yourself on a daily basis? Oh god no. Do you believe in angels? No, but rather just spirits. Is there anything in your past that you used to regret, but now you don’t? Hm, maybe? Does your knee hurt? My knees always hurt. Has anyone ever called you sexy? Yes. Do you like raisins? omg nooooo What is your favorite bug? Butterflies! :') Do you like Scrabble? Sure, it's fun for a board game. Do you have a printer? Yes. What is your favorite food? Cheeseburgers or pizza, probably. I know, so American. Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to? Yes. Do you like ants? They are very fascinating when you really think about it, but I still find them incredibly annoying. Did you like the movie Antz? I loved it as a kid. Have you ever drank goat milk? No, I don't believe so. What’s your favorite video game? Silent Hill 2 and Shadow of the Colossus. Do you like cats? I love kitties!!! :') Are goldfish your favorite fish? No. I think my favorite is probably the lionfish. Do you like vanilla pudding? No. I only like chocolate pudding. What is your opinion on gay marriage? I 100% support it and would fight to the death for it. What is your opinion on gay adoption? Don't even fucking look at me if you see a problem with a parentless child finding a home with two people in love. Who was the last person you had a crush on? Sara. What’s the most expensive piece of clothing you own? I have zero clue. Why do you drive the car you have right now? I don't have my own car. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Omg yes and it sucks. Are you friends with your neighbors? No. What is your current desktop picture? One of my favorite pictures of my late pup, Teddy. What’s the coolest thing you’ve seen out the window of an airplane? Mountains! Does your neighbor have any pets? *shrug* Have you ever swam in a mountain lake? No, but that sounds VIBIN'. Has a cat/dog ever thrown up on your bed? alksdjflk;a;jdfalwe yes Have you ever had a concussion? One or two. Do you know anyone who has a pet gecko? Not currently, I think? I want a fat-tailed gecko, though. :( Would you ever go bear hunting? I wouldn't dare hunt ANY animal. Have you ever seen two movies at the theater in a row? I have not. How many teenagers do you know who have babies? I know no teen personally that has a child, but there were some pregnant students in high school. If you could keep your parents or trade them for other parents, which would you pick? I would NEVER change my parents. Is there a piggy bank in the room you’re in? It's not a "piggy" bank, per se, but my sister got me a skull one that she says is for my tattoo funds. :') How many sets of twins do you know? Two, off the very top of my head. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? Yes. No one fucks with her for as long as I live. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? Not especially. Who is your favorite Disney Channel person? Uhhh, maybe Raven Symone? How many pets do you have? Just two. Do you think you will be successful in life? No. :/ What do you have pierced? My earlobes, twice, and my bottom lip. I have been dyinnnnggg for some new ones lately. :/ Does techno annoy you as much as it annoys me? No, I actually enjoy quite a bit of techno. What’s your comfort food? Ice cream. Do you like paranormal stuff? YES. Do you have a favorite stuffed toy? Rebel, my adorable meerkat plush from Jason, and Brownie, my moose from Cabela's. What’s the most exciting project you were given? In a way, my senior project since you got to choose your own topic, but I dreaded the presentation. Do you have a good sense of direction? Not at ALL. What are your favorite colour for a cat? Orange! If you had to live your life carrying a shield, what would its design be? This is gonna sound super, super cheesy, but probably a heart to symbolize how love should and could block the effects of hate and general evil and that we should pursue that instead of violence. Out of all the cancers, which one do you think needs to find a cure first? Oh god, they all do. If I had to pick one though, it'd be one of the inevitably fatal kinds, like pancreatic. What are your general afterthoughts when you’ve finished a book? I feel accomplished for actually reading to a story's completion. How many pairs of glasses (not sunglasses) have you owned? Two, I think? What color is your flash-drive? Hot pink. Have you ever built a sand castle? Yeah. How many houses have you lived in? Six. One I have no memory of. Do you shut off the water while you brush your teeth? Yes. What video game should everybody play at least once? Amnesia: A Machine for PIgs for the symbolism. It blows my mind how most horror fans hate it; it's like they totally miss the point. 100 years from now, what modern things will people look back on and say, “WTF?” Hopefully things like homophobia, racism, misogyny, concepts like those. What is impossible to understand until it happens to you? Mental illness, to name only one thing. What fictional food item from a television show, cartoon, movie, or video game have you always wanted to try? Hm. There's a lot that has looked super good, really. What’s something that gets much more hate than it deserves? Nickelback, lmao. What phrases or sayings drive you crazy? "Everything happens for a reason," "it could be worse/some people have it worse," "it's all part of God's plan," "just think positive"... a lot of stuff. Do you have a deviantART? I do, even though Eclipse made it fucking suck. I only really stay because I cling to the dying hope of being at least somewhat successful on there, and I enjoy keeping tabs on the artwork of the hundreds of people I watch there. Who is your favorite character in your favorite movie? Mufasa, even if he doesn't last long in the movie. :''''''( Have you ever been to Germany? No, but I'd love to! What is your favorite holiday? Christmas. Have you ever been ice skating? No. The blades on the skates scare me. Have you ever taken a karate class? No. Do you have any nieces or nephews? I have a lot, if you include my half-siblings' kids. Do you own an Xbox? Nah, I've always been a PlayStation gal. Would you date someone who’s well-known for cheating? Nope. Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? No. I'd consider their reasons, but ultimately, it's about me loving the person. Could you be in a relationship without sex? Yeah, sure. It's not ideal, but I mean if the other person is just very opposed, I'm certainly not forcing them. Emotional intimacy is more important to me, anyway. Have you ever been “friendzoned”? Yep. :') Briefly, anyway. Jason tried for my sake, but it was VERY short-lived by no one's fault but my own because all I know how to do is fuck shit up when it comes to him. Which “famous couple” is your favorite? LOOK Mark and Amy are FUCKIN GEMS Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? Pretty fucking much. Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? I'm submissive by nature. Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? No, I think it's a cute holiday. Which do you feel is worse of the two to smoke: weed or tobacco? Well, weed has more carcinogens, but at least it has actual health benefits. Who did you last see that you haven’t seen in ages? *shrug* Are you photogenic at all? God no.

[akkurai-zandervos]

Okay clown u answer all of them too 🤡 (or if u want just 11,20 & 33 😌)

I’mma go ham (i guess)

1. What’s your sexual orientation?

Grey-asexual

2. What are you obsessed with right now?

Video games, (right now it’s Valorant and Yakuza Kiwami 2)

3. Ever done any drugs?

I guess? Not sure if alcohol counts, and I accidently ate a pot brownie, cuz no one told me

4. What piercings do you want?

Maybe like a third and first piercing for my ears, but I think I might just get magnetic ones :3c

5. How many people have you kissed?

I had to reach into the past for this one woof, 7?

7. Who are you jealous of?

Me? Who gave me the right to be this epic (I’m joking, not really jealous of anyone)

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

Not really a binge watcher, but I’ve been wanting to rewatch Bleach/naruto

9. Do you watch porn?

Eh, sometimes, but it’s kinda boring

10. Do you have a secret sideblog?

Nah, it’s just this and my art blog @akkurai

12. What’s one of your fantasies?

Making something cool and that I’m proud of

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

Nah and nah

14. How would you spend a million dollars?

Giving it to someone else, I don’t need 1 mil, it’s too much and I could survive on much less

15. Are you in a relationship?

Nah I’m single ;)

16. Do you follow porn blogs?

Nah, and I don’t allow porn bots to follow me, so my blog stays fresh, clean, and sfw c:

17. Are you angry with anyone right now?

Not at anyone person, I mean I’m always angry but it’s calm rage because there’s not much I can do about the issue, so I don’t let it consume me

18. What tattoos do you want?

I have 2 already and want at least 1 more, maybe 2 if I’m feeling spicy

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

Whatchu mean, my name is flawless as is, Akkurai Zandervos

20. What is something you’re obsessed with?

Swords and art

21. Describe your best friend.

I have 2, one is a lovely person who is mega outgoing and fills the silences I can’t but despite that she still likes hanging out with me and my other best friend has been my friend since middle school and even if me and him don’t chat for a while when we do meet back up it’s like no time passed at all

22. Tag someone you think is hot.

I don’t really find people hot, but I could tag some people who are beautiful or that I think look amazing (but I won’t because then I’d be hitting on them, and that makes me nervous cuz like y’know aaaaaaaaaaaa, hey don’t read this part plz) 

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

-Glass Animals

-Tame Impala

-CRX

-Eve

-Pale Waves

24. What are three places you want to travel?

-Japan

-Italy

-Germany

25. Describe your perfect Friday night.

Perfect? Alright grab your popcorn. I wake up at 10am, I eat some breakfast, I play video games with friends for a few hours, then I pick up my special someone and we go on a cute date and hang out for the rest of the night until we pass out from exhaustion and that’s as far as my brain goes

26. What’s your favorite season?

Autumn!

27. What’s your pet peeve?

Hmm, people who are rude for no reason and thinks it’s funny

28. Who is the funniest person you know?

My lil bro, he wildin’

29. What’s the most overrated movie?

Like people overhype it? Uhh I dunno, not really a movie person

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

But then I’d have to talk to them LMAO, honestly any mutual I have not chatted with

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

Paperrrrrrrr, I like turn pages

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

All custom one of a kind stuff, but not like made of fancy ingredients, I just mean something like tie dye, ya can’t replicate it even if the same person made it again, for example I have a jacket that I bleached and dyed so it’s carbon grey and orange my two fav colors, I will never see someone with the same jacket as me~

34. What’s your coffee order?

At the store? Caramel Frappe. At home? Medium roast coffee with 3 teaspoons of sugar

35. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Perhaps

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

Nah, like I wish them well, but I don’t have any romantic feelings for them

37. Have any tattoos?

2

38. Do you drink?

Not really, alcohol taste bad, but IF i have to, Jack Daniels or Scotch

39. Are you a virgin?

;)

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

This list is out for my life huh

41. How many followers do you have?

250 ish, we a small little family

42. Describe the hottest person you know.

The person reading this <3

43. What’s your guilty pleasure?

I like sleeping on the floor, and I also eat frosting out of the container

44. Do you read erotica?

Ya might laugh, but sometimes I do try to read it for the plot (spoiler alert, they mostly bad)

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

Fun date at arcade, playing pool/billards, date got a text and it was there turn so I told them that just so they knew, they told me to shut up and be quiet as they finished their text. Entire date ruined for me

46. How many people do you follow?

348

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

Uhm, I dunno, it’s hard to say cuz I don’t really know what they are like

48. Describe your ideal partner.

I’m pretty simple, someone who is kind and likes me for me, and is comfy being themselves with me

49. Who do you text the most?

I don’t text anyone really, my phone do be kinda silent tho

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?

Overcast with slight wind, about 65 F or 19 C

[partyinthemysterymachine]

🌻🌻🌻🌻 🚜 it's like a little garden!

hello lil garden <3 im gonna pick all the floweurs :3

there are like two dreams i remember pretty vividly: one, i had stigmata. (fun fact: i’m a jew) i woke up and i could feel the pain in my palms and feet. i was like. maybe in fifth or sixth grade. everything happens when i’m 13 or 14 because i have exactly zero memory and Bad Brain Disorder Origin Years just makes everything a sad mockery of mashed potatoes

the second dream i remember vividly was essentially that i discovered a door to Wonderland (and listen here u lil shits: i’m not a big Wonderland person, not even a Mad Hatter kinda gal despite whatever my past has said about me, and also my Jervis Tetch is super valid and prob one of the best out there you’re welcome) in this honestly gorgeous old mansion. the kind that’s just. tons of dark wood, narrow halls, winding and yet there’s a lot of natural light, like gorgeous. and i found a door to Wonderland and holy fucking shit

what i would give to actually find a door to that Wonderland, bye y’all peace it’s been a gas but i gotta run

so after i left i wanted to go back, and i had a rough time finding the portal and ok long story short it turned out i had to go deal with a unicorn cult (it was more intense than that but hey, cults amirite) in order to get the reagents to go back to Wonderland and i suddenly found myself falling in a huge cave and the spirit healer from WoW was there so that says a lot about where i was in my life at the time

still tryna go back to Wonderland

i made this guy in Sims4 and he’s really fuckin cute and i named him Lane Morgans. i’m gonna put his tag on this post so maybe you’ll go take a look at him and see how amazing he is but i’m just gonna jerk myself off here too

(also sidenote, Salutations (my farmer in sdv, also top notch) is his uncle and when i wrote up his first char sheet i fucked up his last name bc his last name can’t be Morgans, but i’ll give him another one Soon(tm) (no i won’t))

Lane is a retired rollercoaster engineer who is now writing romance novels. he’s doing absolutely amazingly and his twitter a mess in a good way. he wishes he was Chuck Tingle’s bff. his novels aren’t modeled after Tingle’s (hehe), he writes very well rounded, interesting, and diverse romance that doesn’t take itself seriously. because i do what i want, he’s pretty well known and on several bestsellers.

he’s like in his 40s by now i think and he’s a late transitioner. he’s a divorcee (he and his ex wife are really good friends it’s all good) and he had his son Ellis awhile back (who is just a whole dutch cookie tin of crayons and then some). at a singles mixer he met a gardener who would be his future husband and everything is amazing now

also side braids and ponytails run in the family i guess

(actually Salutations has been side ponytail like all his life and Lane was enchanted by it so he side braids. Salutations is very proud)

i still think about it honestly i was really into keeping up to date with junk food news and food product for a while there but the popular sites were starting to piss me off with their rating systems and reviews like holy entitlement and superiority complex, batman! so i dropped out of it, like the only one that is still super valid is onsecondscoop.com tho it’s been a real hot minute since

i have a lot of my parents’ vinyls and that includes The Beatles white album with some water damage bc i guess my dad knocked something over at some point but also the good stuff like Fleetwood Mac, Linda Ronstadt, America, Seals and Crofts, a lot of musicals, James Taylor, Gordon Lightfoot, Cat Stevens (now Yusuf), Earth, Wind, and Fire, Marvin Gaye and more!!! (and i left a whole shitload in chicago too) and it’s very telling about my musical tastes. 

i had ordered Arctic Monkeys’s AM album and it skipped on No. 1 Party Anthem and some other song and so i was like :\ and ordered another and you’ll never guess,

a few songs stand out to me:

Gordon Lightfoot’s Approaching Lavender 

Seals and Crofts’s Hummingbird

Fleetwood Mac’s Silver Springs

James Taylor’s Never Die Young, Line ‘Em Up, Shower The People

(the Fleetwood Mac and James Taylor songs are specifically the ones i was introduced to with, as in the Live versions of Silver Springs and Shower The People)

for those who don’t know i’m also a huge Enya fan (LOTR was good to me) and Dark Sky Island was sick af btw, and also Donna Lewis’s entire Now In A Minute album is pretty fuckin close to my soul

however probably my favorite song, most sacred to me, hard to explain it but just the. whew the memories attached is I Love You Always Forever

furthermore a song that still really creeps me out (that also has an origin story attached to it) is 98 Degrees a cappella cover of She’s Out Of My Life (yep! still no thanks)

i grew up around a cappella since my mom is like a lifetime member of the Sweet Adelines womens a cappella organization or w/e so yeah and i’m not ognna link this on bc it’s a bitch to find just by itself, but Lida Rose from The Music Man is also a fist clench...

now on a more depressing note but one i have mention, Spice Girls’s Viva Forever is uuuhhh hhhhhhhhh hhhhhhnnnnmmmmmmmmmmm 

anyway my dad used to travel overseas for work and when i was younger he went to Germany (and he’d go back there several times after) and he brought me back my first jar of Nutella. naturally i lost my entire shit, and imagine my surprise when Nutella got really big in America lmao he’d brought that jar home like. uh. 7, 9 years prior?? idk guys, ages and math, but it was funny to me

best fucking gingerbread recipe is by Nigella Lawson and i found it in her book How To Be A Domestic Goddess and it’s right fucking here ur welcome 

i’m definitely one of those people who picks a book with a cool cover, reads a couple pages and then decides if i’m taking it or not and that’s how i found like so many good books

ask me about The Passage series and how i am both in love with it and kinda mad (also lmao @ the failed TV show y’all fuckin dumb as hell)

[softhwaa]

𝖊𝖑’𝖘 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘

masterlist 🌱☁️

nct 00 line

- met jeno, donghyuck, and jaemin cus they played overwatch together in 2016 dkdnhsjska

- met renjun during a dance comp in 2014

- met yangyang when she visited sm’s hq in china with kun in 2017

- tbh they’re normally split into [yangyang] and [renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin - let’s just call them dream 00 line to make things easier]

- but they’ve all hung out together once or twice

- el was actually in the 00 vlog

- andddd the 00 live (but only thru a call 😭 00 line enthusiasts i feel you 😔)

- dream 00 line and el normally go do some random shit around seoul (as shown in the 00 vlog) like karaoke or han river

- sometimes they just spend the whole day playing video games together

- el and renjun are probably the closest cus they’ve known each other for longer 🤷‍♂️

- yangyang and el normally sneak out at 2 am and play truth or dare at convenience stores skdnhshs and go back to the wayv dorms at like 5 am

- sometimes bring lucas along cus he wakes up at midnight in search for food

- yknow that rainbow v ep where hendery and yangyang are just randomly dancing like the icons they are in the practice room?

- yeah that’s yangyang and el on a daily basis lol

- german buddies awwww

- yang and el talk in german when they conspire against the members haha

- they wanna go to germany together sometime but they’re both so busy 🥺😔

joshua:

- actually met el a looooong time ago

- so basically vernon brought el to the dorms once cus she kept on insisting to spend a night with his friends n stuff (keep in mind this was like 2013 or so)

- so 13 year old el was studying abroad (in germany) came to korea for break and brO y’all should have seen predebut el— at that time, she didn’t think she’d be a kpop idol but she was a gREAT dancer

- so when seventeen were training, she was like ahaha y’all suck at dancing

- jk but everyone was super shook when they saw her dance cus she could’ve debuted right then and there and it would’ve seemed like she had trained for a long time

- k so basically el was always so adventurous

- so she decided to go to the forest at 4 am cus she’s low key crazy

- and joshua was getting water and saw her rIGHT when she was boutta leave the house

- brO el pANicKEd nsnshshsjana

- but she brushed it off and was like “h-hey josh u wanna like come w me to this super sketchy forest at 4am and idk maybe make friends with those big birds... in the... forest...?”

- and he straight up was like sure wHy nOT

- yeah that’s how they became friends isndhshajabd (also w the big birds in the forest lmao)

- even tho shua is 5 years older than el, they get along great

- they normally play wii and stuff at el’s place

- they fight over what game to play all. the. time.

- wii sports resort is obviously the best but for some reason joshua always insists on playing mario kart

- in fact, josh and el fight a LOT but never over anything super serious (mostly it’s abt food haha)

- like who gets the last oreo, or who called shotgun first

- all in all, josh + el = bffs (pERioDt.)

chaeyoung:

- ngl el was a super famous trainee

- cus like 1) woAH a foreign trainee ! 2) crazy talented 3) hella down to earth and funny 4) tbh everyone had a crush on her 🤭

- so el was kinda like a “legend”

- and she thought she had to live up to the expectations of the “perfect, beautiful, amazing” girl that everyone loved

- but that rly took a toll on her mental state... (oh nooo ! ! )she just got rly self conscious abt everything...

- there was this one jyp trainee that she had heard abt...

- chaeyoung ! !

- they managed to get in touch and it was like that thing in “instant family”

- a 𝒄𝒐𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒄 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

- one look and “bro she’s my bestie for life”

- they would train together like every single day even tho they were from diff companies, their bosses didn’t rly care cus aww they’re such good friends, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕 you’d feel if you’d separated them 🥺🤧

- chaeyoung really really really helped el with her mental health

- trainees would be talking to chae being like “omg ur friends w el?!?” and she’d be like “ikr my bestie’s so amazing 😉”

- after chae debuted, el was “nEOmU loNeLY” (hehe) but issok her bestie was fAMOUS 🤩

- when chae and el hang out, there’s always food involved kenxhsjsbsba

- cooking, baking, going to a restaurant

- el and chae are the purest best friends 🥺 (i’m gonna use that emoji a lot for their friendship cus it’s the only one that can depict it well)

- they even did a photoshoot together once and it was LEGENDARY

- there have even been articles saying that they might be dating... 👀 but sadly, no :(

- they help each other when they’re sad

- literally know eXActLy how to cheer each other up 🥺😩 (i’m dEVASTATED THEYRE SO CUTE EVEN THO ITS NOT TRUE )

- *sigh* chae-el forever ✊😔💞

[purplesurveys]

657

~A~ Is your birthday before August? Yep, and the month starts with A, too – my birthday’s in April. Are you an Aries? Close enough. I’m a Taurus. Would you consider yourself Artistic? Hell nah.

~B~ Are you a Brunette? I am not. Do you have Blue eyes? No I don’t. Hair and eye color questions get so tiring to answer, lmao. Your Best friend? I have two best friends.

~C~ What is your favorite Channel on TV? Mmm I don’t watch TV anymore but I think my favorite would be either TLC or E!, because I’m a sucker for dumb reality shows, lmao. Back when I still used cable religiously I’d normally tune in to Fox. Have you ever been to Chicago, IL? Nope but it’s one of my dream destinations for sure. Do you have a Crush on anyone? Yep. It’d be weird to be in a long-term relationship with someone I didn’t have a crush on haha.

~D~ Where is your Dad right now? As far as I know he’s stationed in Australia and is staying there until the end of his term. His ship normally has cruises around Japan, China, and South Korea but because of the coronavirus going around exactly in that region, his company has made everyone stay in Australia for the meantime. Are your parents Divorced? No. Even if they wanted to they couldn’t, because divorce is illegal here. Do you have your Driver's license? Yeah, I’ve had it for four years.

~E~ What did you last Eat? I’m eating chocnut at the moment :) I haven’t had it in a while but I had a sudden craving for it last weekend, so my mom bought a pack just for me.

How many piercings do you have in your Ears? Two, one in each earlobe.

Is it past Eleven o'clock am? Way past, it’s 7:17 PM.

~F~ Who was your First friend? My first friend was a girl named Kaye that I met in kinder. She has very common first and last names, so it’s been impossible to find her on social media and reconnect with her.

Who was your First Boyfriend/Girlfriend? Gabie.

Where was your last airplane Flight to? Flying back to Manila from Batanes.

~G~ Are you a Gemini? Nope, but you’ve mentioned the star signs before and after my real one, Taurus.

Have you ever been to Germany? I have not. But Germany is kinda close to my heart because Nacho was always studying to be fluent in German. When he passed we came up with an inside joke that he actually just moved to Germany to finally fulfill his dreams, and that joke became a source of comfort for us. 

How many of your Grandparents are still living? Three out of four.

~H~ Are you in High School? Nope. It’s been nearly four years since I graduated. :)

What is your favorite Holiday? My birthday, if it counts. If it doesn’t, Halloween. If that also doesn’t, I don’t have a favorite holiday I guess.

What do you Hear right now? Just my electric fan whirring. I don’t feel like having background noise at the moment.

~I~ What is your favorite flavor of Ice cream? Cookies and cream!

Have you ever been Ice skating? Yesssss it was one of my favorite pastimes as a kid. I never took lessons, I never learned a single trick, but I could glide for hours, and that was enjoyable enough for me. My parents used to drop me off at ice skating rinks while they did the groceries and went window shopping, because they knew I’d find those boring.

Can you play any Instruments? No. I can play simple tunes on the recorder but like almost everybody can use the recorder, so I don’t even count it anymore hah.

~J~ Does your name begin with J? It doesn’t...and my name is still pretty far down the alphabet.

Does your birthday fall in the months of January, June, or July? None of those months.

Do you know anyone who speaks Japanese? I probably do. UP is a very diverse community and I just know there’s a community out there with varying degrees of knowledge of Japanese dedicated to learning the language.

~K~ Do you regret your last Kiss? Not at all.

Do you have any Kids? I don’t.

Have you ever taken a Karate class? No but I used to be jealous of my kuya because he regularly took taekwondo as a kid. I thought it was super cool seeing his uniform and the color of his belt gradually changing.

~L~ Who was the last person to tell you 'I Love you'? My girlfriend.

Have you ever been to the Statue of Liberty? No.

When was the last time you went to a Library? Uhhhhh last week. For one of my classes, we had to go to the main library’s AVR to watch a documentary on Jose Rizal. 

~M~ What is your Middle name? Meh, I’m not saying that on her.

How old is your Mother? She’s 48, but is turning 49 later this year.

What is your favorite kind of Music? It varies. I have favorite artists, not genres, so my taste in the latter is really spread out.

~N~

What are the last 4 digits of your phone Number? Nope.

What does your Name mean? Last time I checked it means something like fame or bright or star.

Do you have any Nieces or Nephews? No, but I was already assigned to be a godson to my cousin when I was 15 which is close enough. About nieces or nephews though, I’m one of the oldest kids from our generation so if anything, my relatives are waiting on me and my other similarly-aged cousins to be the first ones to have kids haha.

~O~ Do you live on your Own? I don’t. I still live with my parents as do most Filipino kids/young adults do. I’m planning to move to my own place within a couple of years, though.

Are you the Oldest child? Yes I am.

Do you know anyone who lives in Oregon? I don’t think so.

~P~ What are your Parent's names? Edgardo and Abby. My dad goes by a certain nickname also but he hates it, so only family and close friends call him that.

Do you have any Pets? Yes, I have the cutest, sweetest, chubbiest dog on the floor beside me.

Do you have any Polish ancestry? I’m like 300% sure that I do not lmao.

~Q~ Have you ever been to Quebec? Nope.

A Quote you like: Just because I recently rewatched Titanic: “A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets,” said by Rose by the end of the film, when she talks about how she has never talked about Jack until that moment, not even to her granddaughter’s grandfather.

Do you ever eat at Quizno's? I have never eaten there and have only ever seen one branch here in Metro Manila, which has since been replaced with a Krispy Kreme as far as I know.

~R~ When was the last time you saw a Rainbow? A safe guess would be a few weeks ago.

Are you a Redhead? Nope.

What was the last book you Read? It was a book on communication theory that I needed to read for my community press elective.

~S~ When was the last time you Slept in someone else's bed? A month ago, I think? I have bad short-term memory lmao, but that’s my best guess.

Are you a Scorpio? Again, no.

Would you consider yourself a Shy person? I am at first but I can warm up pretty easily.

~T~ How many Tattoos do you have? Approximately zero.

Are you a Twin? No.

Do you like Techno? No.

~U~ Do you own an Umbrella? Not anymore. I used to keep buying new ones but I keep losing them, so I just stopped buying altogether and just relied on hoodies whenever it would rain.

Are you Under 21? Nope.

Have you ever been to Utah? I have nottttt.

~V~ Are you a Virgin? No.

Have you ever been to Vatican City? No.

Where did you last go on Vacation? Our last legit vacation would be the one in Batanes. We’ve had several out-of-town trips after that, but those were usually quick, weekend getaways.

~W~ How many Windows are in the room you're in? One, but there’s also a set of glass doors here.

What are you Wearing? Just an ordinary t-shirt and shorts.

Can you Whistle? Yes I can.

~X~ How many X-rays have you had in the last 2 years? Zero.

Are you on good terms with your last Ex? So good I’ve been dating her again in the last four years, lol.

Do you own an Xbox? We’ve never owned an Xbox. This family takes their Playstation love seriously.

~Y~ Who is the Youngest person living in the same household as you? My brother, who is currently 16.

Are you wearing anything Yellow? Nope.

Are you Younger then the last person you kissed? No. I’m older, but only barely.

~Z~ When was the last time you visit the Zoo? I’ve never been to a zoo. The closest thing to a zoo that I’ve been to was a safari, and that would be like 6-7 years ago.

How many Zippers are on the clothing you’re wearing? None.

What is your Zipcode? No thanks.

[spacedadpicard]

Europe.

.... hoo boi

germany 🇩🇪 : do you like bread? no. i LOVE bread.

france 🇫🇷 : ever drunk alcohol? alas, yes.

england 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 : ever made a mistake you really regret? mmm... yes? but i don’t blame myself for it. i didn’t know any better.

scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 : do you prefer summer or winter? winter. not sure why people enjoy being SWEATY and TOO HOT over being able to comfortably wear jumpers and drink hot chocolate.

italy 🇮🇹 : currently in a relationship? yep!

wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 : how old are you? 21!

finland 🇫🇮 : longest you’ve ever been in a relationship? my currently relationship is also my first ever relationship, and it’s been going on for about five years.

sweden 🇸🇪 : have you ever been to ikea? but of course.

norway 🇳🇴 : do you prefer wearing trousers or skirts? trousers.

spain 🇪🇸 : do you take naps during the day? you bet.

portugal 🇵🇹 : your sexuality? bi/pansexual

estonia 🇪🇪 : do you have a crush? hahaha “““a””” crush, that’s so cute

ireland 🇮🇪 : favourite tv show? STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION

denmark 🇩🇰: what were you doing at 20.30 last saturday? i don’t have a single clue

poland 🇵🇱: do you have any pets? we have a fish..? we put out dog down in january, and i miss her so much. 

austria 🇦🇹: do you like chocolate? Y E S

switzerland 🇨🇭: ever kissed a girl? no :(

romania 🇷🇴: morning or evening? mm... evening

bulgaria 🇧🇬: who was the last person you snapchatted? i think my boyfriend

czech republic 🇨🇿: is there a song that never fails to make you cry? ‘it’s quiet uptown’ is.. usually pretty reliable on that front

slovakia 🇸🇰: how many languages can you speak? i’m only fluent in english, but i can sort of speak french, too.

slovenia 🇸🇮: what colour is your hair at the moment? like... light brown-ish?

monaco 🇲🇨: do you have an iPhone? nope.

the netherlands 🇳🇱 : when did you last see your mum? a few hours ago

greece 🇬🇷: do you live with your father? hell no

croatia 🇭🇷: do you wear glasses? nope

belgium 🇧🇪: favourite colour? it varies, but, right now, blue

iceland 🇮🇸 : if you could chose one thing to be in your future, what would you choose? a house that i own

ukraine 🇺🇦 : what’s the most money you’ve ever spent on clothes? like.... £150, maybe. most of that on a coat, aha.

malta 🇲🇹 : have you ever been on a cruise? no

hungary 🇭🇺 : would you date someone 3 years older than you? yes!

cyprus 🇨🇾 : if you could kill one person without any risk of being caught for it, would it be someone related to you? lmao probably

luxembourg 🇱🇺 : what’s the coldest temperature you’ve ever experienced? eeehhhmm probably only about -15 C

serbia 🇷🇸 : do you use instagram? i do! you can follow me here

albania 🇦🇱 : can you swim well? reasonably well!

lithuania 🇱🇹 : if you could go back in time to a moment in your life, when would you go back to? mm. i remember being up in the highlands, reading the wind in the willows in the little cabin we stayed in by lamplight, while it was dark outside. i don’t wanna stay in that moment, but i’d love to revisit it; things felt so simple back then

montenegro 🇲🇪 : pizza or pasta? pasta

latvia 🇱🇻 : do you have any scars with an interesting or grisly story? nahh

macedonia 🇲🇰 : ever eaten snails? nope

belarus 🇧🇾 : last book you read? uhhh i think the last book i read and finished was a game of thrones.

bosnia 🇧🇦 : last time you cried? a couple of nights ago. it was... a particularly emotional episode of star trek: deep space nine

moldova 🇲🇩 : do you have a sister? nope!

[marculees]

85 Questions Tag 🌟

Tagged by my lovelies @castielsinwhite  @taetarte @taeyongsflatbutt @pikachulein. I’m going to tag @jbemin @thefroghyungwon @jaeminrenjun @jenoscity @ltaeyonqs @moonlight-seulgi @cosmicrailwaybisexual @donghyuwus and anyone else who wants to do it because I’m too lazy to tag 20 people hahah

Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

Last

1. Drink - 7up but I had to mix my tablet in it so it was gross sadly >.<

2. Phone call - My dad

3. Text message - My cousin

4. Song you listened to - Blackout by Pegboard Nerds (listening to my hype playlist lol)

5. Time you cried - Yesterday, I think? XD

Ever

6. Dated someone twice - I’ve only dated one person and never would again so no hahaha

7. Kissed someone and regretted it - Didn’t like it but don’t regret it

8. Been cheated on - No and omg I’d end the relationship straight away sklgdkjlg

9. Lost someone special - Haven’t we all?

10. Been depressed - No, thankfully

11. Gotten drunk and threw up - Never even been drunk!

Fave colors

12. Pink

13. Purple

14. Blue

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends - Yes and I’m much happier <3

16. Fallen out of love - Wasn’t really in love but I got over a crush?

17. Laughed until you cried - Yes, yesterday actually lmao

18. Found out someone was talking about you - If I did, I can’t remember :o

19. Met someone who changed you - Yes, my new friends have made me feel more confident in myself

20. Found out who your friends are - Yes, but I already knew tbh lol

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - Nope, not that I mind because its mostly family and people from school hahaha

General

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - like 98% of them

23. Do you have any pets - One cat and one dog <3

24. Do you want to change your name - No, I love it! ^-^

25. What did you do for your last birthday - I went for brunch and dinner with my parents and sister

26. What time did you wake up today - 10:30am-ish

27. What were you doing @ midnight last night - I was fast asleep because I could barely stand yesterday from exhaustion lol

28. What is something you can’t wait for - To go back to college <3

30. What are you listening to right now - Blast by Tokyo Machine

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - Yup, I had one in my business group project last year and another was in one of my other subjects

32. Something that gets on my nerves - Slow walkers like omfg MOOOOOOVE JFC I can’t deal with them XD

33. Most visited website - Tumblr and Youtube

34. Hair color - Blonde with pink and orange undertones since I dyed it about a month ago and the colour has faded into my blonde now

35. Hair long or short - Its grown kinda long now actually!

36. Do you have a crush on someone - Not at the moment unless you count idols lol

37. What do you like about yourself - My passion and hardworking nature

38. Want any piercings - Not for me

39. Blood type - I have no idea and I asked my mum and even she said she doesn’t know hahah I think it could be A?

40. Nicknames - Niamho, Niamhie, then my full name but the surname i shortened?? and Spitfire sjkagschkfh 

41. Relationship status - Single and idk how to feel about it tbh ._.

42. Zodiac - Leo

43. Pronouns - She/her

44. Fave TV shows  - Line of Duty

45. Tattoos - None

46. Right or left handed - Leftie!

47. Ever had surgery - No and it really freaks me out >.<

48. piercings - I used to have my ears pierced but its been over 10 years since I took them out so no XD

49. Sports - I did karate up until about 2 years ago but my actual fave sport is badminton <3

50. Vacations - America (1 time), England (1), Scotland (1), France (1), Italy (1), Germany (1 but it was only landing at the airport and driving through so I don’t really count it), Luxembourg (1), Belgium (1 for a day visit), Spain (1), Portugal (1), Lanzarote (2 times)

51. Trainers - I’m not one for sporty shoes as such so my fave pair of runners would just be these white ‘sneaker’ ones with pink at the back from Penneys/Primark XD

More general

52. Eating - I made some cheese toasties about an hour ago

53. Drinking - Water

54. I’m about to watch - Some horror game playthroughs

55. Waiting - For Dreamies, BTS and GOT7 comebacks :D

56. Want - To hold someone’s hand, as cringey as that sounds

57. Get married - Maybe someday but there is really no rush >.<

58. Career - Would love to be an author but its so difficult as a career so I’ll likely end up writing on the side instead :L

Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses - Hugs but even then I’m not very good at them and just end up really stiff and awkward and pls let go of me now

60. Lips or eyes - Both are nice but I’m a sucker for puppy eyes *-*

61. Shorter or taller - Taller but not too much because I then feel even more self-conscious of how babyish I look and get a bit intimidated tbh

62. Older or younger - Older (but like 1-3 years) since boys my age are immature enough, forget even younger.

63. Nice stomach or arms - I have a big weakness for arms, like I’m not even ashamed of it lol

64. Hookup or relationship - Relationship without a doubt

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - Hesitant

Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger - Nope

67. Drank hard liquor - Nope

68. Lost glasses - I lost my sunglasses, if that counts? I need to wear them when out most days because of the sun glare and then seizures and yeah :’)

69. Turned someone down - Yes

70. Sex on first date - Nope, not for me D:

71. Broken someone’s heart - Yes, but I can’t force myself to like someone and I would never expect them to either >.<

72. Had your heart broken - I’m sure we all have

73. Been arrested - Noooo omg XD

74. Cried when someone died - Of course

75. Fallen for a friend - Yup

Do you believe in

76. Yourself - I try my best

77. Miracles - Ehh more of a fate person tbh

78. Love at first sight - No, I think it can be attraction but calling it love based purely on visuals seems shallow to me but hey whatevs you do you

79. Santa Claus - Not anymore :’( dsjkgdkhdgvj

80. Kiss on first date - Personally I can’t even really kiss anyone unless I’m dating them but if you do it then go ahead, I’m not judginglike if it feels right to both people then go for it feck it yolo

81. Angels - Not really :L

Other

82. Best friend’s name - I don’t really have one but if my sister counts then Orla

83. Eye color - Blue

84. Fave movie - Toy Story and Hercules

85. Favorite actor/actress - Tom Hiddleston and Emma Watson <3

[agent-ches]

TAG GAMEEEEEEE

Rules: Answer these 85 questions about yourself and tag 20 people

tagged by @charlesgasly 💕 thank yewww

Last:

Drink: iced kopi c (black coffee with skimmed milk)

Phone Call: my mum lmao 

Text Message: touch rugby team 

Song you listened to: Think For A Minute by The Housemartins (Handsome Devil soundtrack heh) 

Time you cried: today during the dortmund match HAHAHA i have no shame

Ever:

Dated someone twice: never even dated someone once lmao 

Kissed someone and regretted it: haven’t kissed anyone whoops

Been cheated on: nopee

Lost someone special: oh boi yes

Gotten drunk and thrown up: i have a high alcohol tolerance so nope

In the last year, have you:

Made new friends: MANY oh my goodness

Fallen out of love: haven’t fallen in love in a long time so nah

Laughed until you cried: defo

Found out someone was talking about you: from batchmates to teachers, yep

Met someone who changed you: yeppo 

Found out who your friends are: mhmm

Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: i don’t even know who’s on my friends list

General:

How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all

Do you have any pets: sadly no :(

Do you want to change your name: kinda? i want one thats more androgynous tbh

What did you do for your last birthday: sushi with the fam and half the damn canteen singing happy birthday cause i walked in with a big ass pink balloon (this is what happens when its a school tradition to sing and clap along whenever its someone’s birthday regardless of who it is, needless to say, i hid behind a bench full of people)

What time did you wake up today: uhhh 7am

What were you doing at midnight last night: i think i fell asleep right before midnight what a rare occurence

What is something you can’t wait for: Singapore Writers Festival!! going to a play that my friend is acting in!! cat cafe with @starscvm !!

What are you listening to right now: Sucking it Out by The Shaker Hymn (Handsome Devil soundtrack again heh)

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: wow no

Something that gets on your nerves: people who beat around the bush

Most visited website: this hellsite lmao 

Hair color: black/dark brown

Long or short hair: short! after like 10 years i chopped it off, best decision ever

What do you like about yourself: enthusiasm 

Want any piercings: yessssssss

Blood type: O but i ain’t sure if i’m a plus or minus

Nicknames: uhh ches, tee, i have one friend who calls me by my surname 

Relationship status: single pringle

Zodiac sign: capricorn 

Pronouns: She/her

Favorite TV show: uhhh don’t think i have one particular one but I love Mr Robot

Tattoos: planning to get one once i graduate but right now none

Right or left handed: sadly right 

Ever had surgery: nope

Piercings: ears

Sports: formula 1, football, i play touch rugby 

Dream Vacation: take me back to norway please (or let me visit germany thanks)

Trainers: nike for class, adidas/puma for out of class

Eating: nothing but i want toast

Drinking: nothing lmao

Waiting: for project work season to end already ffs

Want: someone to give me constant hugs 

Get married for: love obviously, i’m a hopeless romantic

Career: Hopefully linguistics or journalism based, writing on the side

Hugs or kisses: hugs, i like warm hugs and i would vhoose them over kisses any day

Lips or eyes: eyessss

Shorter or taller: tallerrrrr

Older or younger: older

Nice arms or stomach: armss

Hookup or relationship: relationship yep

Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant definitely

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger: nopeee

Drank hard liquor: yeppo

Lost glasses: but i always find them

Turned someone down: yeap

Sex on first date: call me old fashioned but no sex before marriage 

Broken someone’s heart: maybe idk i rejected someone before

Had your heart broken: yeap

Been arrested: nah

Cried when someone died: yea...

Fallen for a friend: mhmm

Do you believe in:

Yourself: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Miracles: yep!!

Love at first sight: yuppo

Kiss on the first date: depends

Angels: see em everyday so

Other:

Best friend’s name: jonathan

Eye color: brown :”)

Favorite Movie: struck by lightning

Favorite actor: hard to answer heh 

Favorite Food: sushi and tofu

Extrovert or Introvert: ambivert :)

Favorite flower: blue/violet/purple hydrangeas!

Favorite Hello Kitty characters: wot

tagging @maxielriccappen @theitalianspaghett @starscvm @ribess @realcibeles @maxierre and whoever else wants to do this lmao it’s late and i need to do work i’ve procrastinated enough, enjoy fam!

[sebbies]

since we’re alone

note: this is for @buckthegrump‘s writing challenge with the prompt; “did you mean it? what you said.” also lowkey inspired by germany’s version of grey’s anatomy lmao warnings: language, tiniest amount of angst word count: 1.634 masterlist

The beeping of the heart monitoring machine echoed throughout the quiet hospital room. The sound became so dull and boring that you had a strong desire to turn it off, but it was telling you that Bucky was still alive and that made it bearable.

“You’re a dimwit,” you whispered as you sat in the chair next to the bed. You watched Bucky’s chest rise and fall in a rhythmic pattern, his eyes shut and relaxed. You rested your elbows on the bed and placed your chin on top of your knuckles, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath in, only to sigh it out.

“You’re a complete and utter idiot, James,” you grumbled as you leaned back in the chair and crossed your arms over your chest. The faint announcement of some doctor being needed was the only other thing you heard and it was just another reminder of where you were.

“I can handle myself and you know it,” you murmured, leaning forward and grabbing onto Bucky’s metal hand. Your fingers ran over the grooves and plates of his arm, admiring the way they were built.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you continued to berate while your fingers went towards his, tracing every single plate one by one. A knock interrupted your intimate moment and a blonde haired head popped through the crack of the open door.

“Hey Y/N,” Steve said, walking into the room and closing the door behind him. You just nodded in response.

“How’s he doing?”

“He, um, he crashed once this morning,” you winced, “they used a sedative that Tony made for Thor and you guys, causing nothing they have knocks out a super soldier.” You let out a dry chuckle at the memory of Tony coming into the room with a needle, stating ‘payback’s a bitch’ and Bucky protesting as much as he could with a few broken and bruised ribs.

“Tony said that he should, uh, he should wake up within the next ten hours but he isn’t sure.” Steve nodded and laid a hand on your shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“You should go back to the tower,” he said.

“No,” you shook your head, “I can’t leave him here.” You hated how your voice trembled.

“I’ll be here.” You kept sitting there, holding onto Bucky’s fingers as if they were your life line.

“Y/N, you need to take a nap and eat and shower. You’ve been here since he was brought in.” Your stomach grumbled at the mention of food and you suddenly realised how tired you were and that you were still in your stealth suit which was covered in Bucky’s blood.

“Okay,” you replied weakly, “Just- just call me if anything happens.” Steve nodded and helped you up from the chair. You looked back at Bucky and gave a small smile before leaving the room.

You arrived back at the hospital a few hours later after getting refreshed and napping for a while. You could hear Steve talking to someone and you prayed it was Bucky, but when you opened the door, you saw he was talking to a doctor.

“Hey Y/N, she was just telling me that Bucky will make a full recovery.” You wanted to scoff, of course he would, he’s a super soldier and even though you knew that, there was some kind of relief that you felt when you heard the news. The doctor checked Bucky’s vital signs and ran a couple of short tests before leaving you and Steve the small room.

“I can take over again,” you said as you placed your bag down next to the chair.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Steve nodded and got up to leave. “Take care of him.”

“Always have Cap.” You watched as the heavy wood door closed behind him and focused your attention back on Bucky.

“I know I’ve said this so many times, but you’re such an idiot James. You can’t just go around, pushing people out of the way so you can take the hit. I know I might not show it often, but fuck, James, I care about you so much. My heart literally crumbled when I saw you on the floor bleeding out,” you took a deep breath in before wiping some stray tears away from your cheek. “I thought I lost you,” you confessed, grabbing onto his metal hand again. It seemed to be the only thing that brought you comfort and safety in times like these.

“I can’t lose you, Bucky, I love you,” you whispered so quietly you weren’t sure if you had spoken the words out loud. The heart rate monitor beeping accelerated and you let go of his hand in shock. The door swung open and a whole team of doctors and nurses crowded around the bed, pushing you to a corner of the room. You felt helpless as you stood and watched them rushing around the bed, preparing for the worst.

“False alarm,” the doctor stated after she wrapped her stethoscope around her neck. “He’ll be fine,” she added while scribbling something down in his chart. You waited until everyone left the room before sitting back down.

“Like I said, idiot.” You laid your head on Bucky’s hand and rested, reminding yourself that you would have to update Steve.

“Y/N?” A hoarse voice croaked out. Your head snapped up and over to Bucky who was in the process of opening his eyes.

“Y/N?” He whispered again, confirming that in fact he was calling for you and not his hospital pal, Steve.

“Jame-Bucky?” You stood up and leaned forward, pressing your hand against his forehead.

“I knew it was you,” he croaked out again, prompting you to get him a glass of water.

“You’re the only one who calls me James and freely touches my metal hand,” he explained after taking a sip. You scoffed as you took the cup from his hand and placed it back down on the tray.

“Did you mean it?” He asked. You noticed the colour coming back to his face and that he no longer looked like a corpse.

“What?”

“Did you mean it? What you said?” Suddenly your body tensed up, if he could feel you playing with his fingers and calling him James, he definitely heard you confess your feelings.

“Yeah, I meant it when I said you’re an idiot.” Bucky let out a dry chuckle, glad to see your humour hadn’t left.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” You stared at him, contemplating whether or not you should come forward but seeing how you almost lost him three times in a span of 48 hours, you decided to tell the truth.

“Yes. Yes I meant what I said,” you firmly state as you looked into his eyes, instantly blushing at the intense gaze you were receiving.

“So you’ll let me take you out on a date?”

“No,” you replied sternly before sitting back down in the chair and crossing your arms.

“What? Why not? I thought you loved me?”

“I don’t go out with idiots.” Bucky scoffed and opened his mouth to say something but you cut him off with a harsh ‘don’t’ while pointing your index finger at him.

“You were right,” he began.

“Always am,” you interrupted him and he glared at you.

“You were right. I knew you could handle yourself, you’re a great agent but that doesn’t mean I still worry about your safety. Your safety is my top priority and if that means me getting killed in the process, I don’t care, I’m fine. As long as you’re safe.” His words hung still in the air and you let them sink in.

“I would feel safer when you’re alive and well. I would feel safer knowing that you can protect me. And I care Bucky. I care if you live or you die. I care so much,” you whimpered out, tears beginning to fall down your cheeks. Bucky made a motion with his left hand and you placed your left hand in his. He gently pulled you closer to him.

“I’ll be careful next time,” he whispered as you rested your forehead against his. Your right hand came up and cradled his face, running over his scruff and feeling it prickle your skin.

“Please. It’s all I ask.” Your lips brush against his a few times, you can feel his warm breath fan across your face as you wait for him to make a move. Without warning, Bucky pulls you down and crashes his lips against yours and you can’t even remember when the last time you got so lost in a kiss. You can feel your heart keeps missing several beats and you know Bucky’s does the same due to the heart monitor’s beeping becoming irregular.

“Code blu-” The doctor announced as she entered the room but stopped when she saw the scene play out before her. You pull away from Bucky and take a few steps backwards as a wave of embarrassment washes over your body. The doctor moves towards the heart monitor machine and turns it off.

“We don’t need yet another false alarm,” she snickers with a smirk, winking at you before leaving the room. You groaned and hid your face in your hands.

“Oh c’mon baby girl, let me see that beautiful face.” Slowly your hands fall to your side and you narrow your eyes at him and stick your tongue out.

“No more kisses for you until you’re all healed up,” you ordered as you sat down in the chair and pushed it away from the bed.

“I almost died and now you’re gonna deny me kisses?”

“Yes,” you said without a second thought, “should have thought about that before almost dying.”

how bad is this????

tags: @sebashtiansatan @soldatbarnes @4theluvofall @captainpunk @capsbuchanan @james-bionic-barnes @marvelmom @modestlyconfused @rotisserierogers