#not even when s4 came out and the reaction was mixed or when stuff that would've warranted a bigger like drop y'know? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mizunetzu · 4 years

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can you do iwa chan with a male lover and how they’re always roughhousing and the one time reader gets hurt, iwachan gets so guilty 🥺

Ahhhh-sorry for not doing the Sakusa request (I can post the draft if you’d like) , I don’t know his character very well because I’ve watched and rewatched the 3 seasons multiple times and I’ve only seen s4 once !!

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Iwaizumi x reader - broken pride

⚠️ warnings - ME MISSPELLING “IWAIZUMI” THE WHOLE FUCKING FIC AHAHAH I FORGOT THE “I” mentions of breaking a bone..?

Pronouns - male, he/him

——————

“Iwa-Chan, (n/n)-Chan, you’re gonna break the floorboards!”

Ignoring Oikawas pleads, Iwazumi shoved at (y/n) to receive a ball hurling at the both of them. (Y/n) kicked at Iwazumis shins and dived for the ball. His body slammed against the floor as the ball struck into his outstretched arm, flying back to the direction it came from. (Y/n) let out a guttural laugh, raising his middle finger up to the mad, but smiling, Iwazumi above him.

“Take that, stupid Iwazumi! Fuck you!”

“Fuck you too!”

Iwazumi extended a hand to (y/n) bringing him up to a hug and patting his back, after pulling him up. Iwazumi and (y/n) were, surprisingly, best friends.

“Jeez (y/n)-that’s gotta bruise,” Iwazumi chuckled, breaking the hug to examine his side. (Y/n) swatted at his hands, chuckling aswell and stretching.

“Ah-who cares? It’s just a bruise, it’s not like I won’t be able to play anymore.” (Y/n) rubbed his neck, down casting his eyes a bit. “Cause I’m gonna be the one to bring you all to nationals.”

“Yeah, if you left I’d kill you.”

(Y/n) gasped, feigning a hand up to his forehead. “Iwazumi! How rude! Plotting to murder a poor, innocent libero!” (Y/n) turned his head away dramatically. Iwazumi let out another hearty laugh and punched (y/n) in the shoulder.

“Jeez iwa-Chan, (n/n)-Chan, we have the spring inter high coming up, don’t break eachother!”

The two sent a glare and a smirk over to Oikawa, who just stuck out his tongue and went to set to someone else.

———

“Alright! We’re gonna play a little match, so form two teams for me!” Coach Irihata boomed from the side of the court, making several players stop and scramble to pick up the volleyballs they’ve been using for individual practice. Players sifted left and right, teaming up with people they got along better with. (Y/n) caught sight of his best bro Iwa-chan, and jabbed him in the ass.

“OI!” Iwazumi let out a yelp and covered his abused cheeks whilst turning to face the libero. (Y/n) smirked at Iwazumi.

“Oi.”

“Jesus...so which team do you wanna joi-“

“Actually, why don’t we play against eachother?”

Iwazumi blinked. Darn. He kind of wanted to play on (y/n’s) si-

“So I can beat your ass to the ground with a volleyball.” (Y/n) balled up his fist and dug it into Iwazumis shoulder blade.

Oh, it’s on bitch.

“We’ll see, (y/n). Your going down, idiot.” Iwazumi smiled irritably and clutched the arm balled into his shoulder. The two walked away to the opposite sides of the court, Iwazumi joining Oikawas side while (y/n) joined the other. They each held a competitive glare, staring eachother down from opposite sides of the net.

Coach Irihara sounded the startup whistle, looking at each of the players. Iwazumi would be lying if he said he wasn’t feeling strangely hyper and competitive right now. He watched the ball fly over his head, eagerly waiting for the ball to return to his side.

The ball once again flew over his head, this time in his direction. He made eye contact with oikawa, and all too fast, he giddily jumped up and slammed the ball as hard as he can, in (y/n’s) direction.

Damn, he thought. That spike could rival that stupid number 10 at karasuno.

The ball zipped over in (y/n’s) direction, giving him little to no time to react. (Y/n) made the mistake of crouching down, hand outstretched against his kneecap, and bracing for impact. The ball plowed straight into his wrist, the remanence of Iwazumi’s powerful spike curving, and hitting his arm where it hung off his knee.

A loud cracking noise, followed by a piercing scream echoed across the gym. Each and every player fell silent, only gawking at the boy writhing in pain on the floor, clutching a mishapen wrist in his free hand while the ball tumbled away from him pitifully.

His wrist would’ve stood a chance if his knee wasn’t in the way, if the ball would’ve landed flatly against his arm, but given the power of the spike and so little reaction time, (y/n) was actually pretty lucky to even touch the ball in the first place.

It was like propping a frail wooden stick up against a rock, only to snap nimbly in half by stomping on it.

Iwazumi’s traumatic expression only deepened when he finally caught sight of (y/n’s) swelled up, deformed hand being swarmed by concerned teammates and a coach who was rubbing his back soothingly. His legs were rooted to the wooden floorboards, as he stared guiltily at his doing.

Iwazumi staggered slowly towards the body laying on the wooden floorboards, until he was ushered away by Kindaichi and Oikawa.

“He needs to get to a hospital, coach is calling his mom. Its best if you don’t...” Oikawa patting Iwazumi on the shoulder, contrasting his usual upbeat stupid attitude.

It wasn’t his fault, right?

It’s not, right...?

Right?

——————

The rest of the day flew by for everyone.

(Y/n’s) mother came and drove him to the hospital, where he got his wrist fixed. Since he needs time to heal, he wasn’t permitted to playing volleyball for a few months, or even applying any extreme pressure on it at all.

Meaning, he couldn’t participate in the spring inter high games.

(Y/n) seemed like he was in a daze most of the time, like he wasn’t really present when the teacher called his name, or when Iwazumi asked to hangout. A shell of the former glory he held in his broken wrist. (Y/n), for once in all 16 years of his life, was silent. And all that silence and guilt was eating Iwazumi alive.

(Y/n) was the most excited for the inter high games more than anyone. It made sense that he’d be at least a tad bit creastfallen, but it was even making the whole team depressed.

Another school day ended in seconds. Everyone packed up their stuff, conversing with their friends or just shuffling out of the classroom. (Y/n) numbly stood up, tentatively shoving books and papers into his bag with his good hand. Iwazumi watched him pitifully drag himself through the doors of the classroom.

Enough was enough, the wing spiker decided. He was tired of seeing him act so depressed. Or maybe that’s just what he told himself, to convince him, and the ugly guilt bubbling up inside the pit in his stomach, that it wasn’t his fault.

Because it wasn’t...

Iwazumi gently placed a hand on the liberos shoulder, more gentle than he’d been with (y/n) than they usually would greet eachother. It felt like ages than they last talked. It felt refreshing in a way.

“Hey.” No answer.

“Do you...do you want to come watch practice today...?” More silence.

(Y/n) stared at Iwazumi with cold, dead, unmotivated eyes. He bore a icy-hot gaze into Iwazumis face, while he tried so desperately to avoid his pitiful expression. The remaining sparks of the old (y/n) died in his cold eyes, while (y/n) shrugged his shoulder out from under Iwazumis hand. Wordlessly, he walked away, leaving the ace in the dust.

That hurt more than any other bruise or accidental cut they’ve ever given eachother, more than a cuss word thrown half heartedly at the other. Before he knew what was happening, he found himself bolting down the hallways, knocking past people, and sprinting to (y/n’s) house with no clear goal in front of him. He knocked on (y/n’s) house door. About 5 knocks later, a woman opened the door and greeted Iwazumi with a smile.

“Oh! Hello, Iwazumi! Is (y/n) with you?”

“Actually I-I was wondering if he was home-I need to talk to him.” And say what? Think these things though, Hajime. Damn. Iwazumi bit his lip.

(Y/n’s) mother cocked her head to the side. “No...he hasn’t come home yet. You can wait in his room for him if you’d like-“

“Thank you, Mrs (L/n)!” The boy flew past her, racing up the stairs. He stopped to a jog and eventually to a calm walk as he pushed open (y/n’s) door.

The room was always messy, but this just takes the cake. Papers and food wrappers littered the ground, the closet door hung open as clothes topped out of it, mixing itself into the mess called the ground, and his bed looked like a lazy excuse of a few sheets and pillows.

Iwazumi gulped. He normally would’ve laughed, or berated his friend for not cleaning his room, but he just felt a sense of guilt hit him like a spike to the wri-

The least he could do was clean up a bit. If (y/n) yelled at him for intruding, that was fine by him. It would just add on to the trouble he’d face for skipping practice today aswell.

Iwazumi picked up a trash bin and started swooping up pieces of trash.

It’s a process, Iwazumi. Do it for him.

————

“I’m home, mom.”

(Y/n) kicked off his shoes as carefully shook off his bag. (Y/n) caught sight of his mom in the kitchen, smiling and making her way towards the boy. She kissed him on the forehead, making him gag, and patted him on the head.

“How’s your wrist doing, dear?”

“It’s fine. It wasn’t hurting today.”

She clasped her hands together. “Oh that’s right! Your friend Iwazumi stopped by, I let him in-he’s in your room I believe.”

(Y/n’s) eyes widened. “Mom! Why would you do tha-“

“Honey, you need to talk to someone! I’m tired of seeing you so quiet and still! Where’s the rowdy volleyball player I know and love?”

They looked at eachother with a silent exchange. (Y/n) sighed and pressed his lips into a fine line. “One hour.”

“One hours all I need, dear.”

(Y/n) reluctantly trudged up the stairs, picking at the cast encasing his arm. The moment he swung his bedroom door open, he walked straight into the sight of a clean room, while Iwazumi folded his blanket. He whipped his head towards the door and dropped the blanket.

“Hey.”

No other words were spoken. You could hear a pin drop.

“...if your gonna say something, say it now, please.”

Iwazumi shifted his gaze away, uncomfortably. He never really had to deal with any other feeling than “fuck you, I spike harder” or “Get your ass over here, Oikawa”

(Y/n) quietly took a seat on his bed, not breaking contact with the person beside him.

“You’re...really bad at feelings aren’t you?”

“S-shut up! Shithead!” Iwazumi fumed, before covering his mouth. “I’m...im sorry I just-“

“God, I missed that. Makes me feel less ‘crippled’, yknow?” (Y/n) ran a finger across his dirty white cast. “Everyone was treating me like I was about to break, like-I’m sick of it! Insult me! Fuck me up! I’ll fuck you up too! Just because I broke my wrist doesn’t mean I’m some princess who needs saving, dude.”

Iwazumi met (y/n’s) eyes. For the first time in weeks, he saw the boy smiling, the same competitive, hardass glare he knew and loved. Seeing that calmed down his senses a bit.

“Jeez, if you had just told me that I would’ve broken your other wrist as well, fuckass”

“Hey hey, your supposed to be nice to me I’m hurting,” (y/n) chuckled, the sensation foreign on his lips.

The warm feeling of familiarity flooded the room as the two talked and joked around. It was the same, old (y/n) Iwazumi has known, but somehow it felt,..different. Like he was seeing his friend in a new light for the first time. Maybe it was because he hadn’t seen that smile he loved so much in was felt like centuries, or maybe it was something else.

Iwazumis eyes widened ever so slightly. “Ah-I should probably say...sorry...(y/n)..” Iwazumi said, finally addressing the elephant in the room. (Y/n) stopped laughing, and cocked his head to the side.

“What for...?”

“I’m the reason you can’t play anymore. Everyone knows not to aim for the libero, yet i did because I was stupid and I wanted to-“

“It’s fine, Hajime.” The boy looked at his friend. They almost never used first names unless it was something serious. He set his bandaged up wrist onto Iwazumi’s shoulder ever-so gently. “I don’t blame you. Even though you are pretty stupid. Even if I won’t be playing...ill still have fun cheering you on at the spring inter high games, I guess.”

The weird feeling from before resurfaced itself in the wing spiker. His heart began pumping faster and faster and he started to sweat a little. This feeling made him nervous, but in a good way? He didn’t know himself.

“...Iwazumi?” He didn’t realize he was staring at him before he started waving his cast in front of his face. Immediately he flushed up and took a step back.

“Are you...flustered? Oh my god were you thinking about boobs or something? Ahaha!” (Y/n) began teasing the boy infront of him, but it all went in one ear and out the other. Iwazumi couldn’t help but look at (y/n) with a certain fondness he’d never felt before.

Slowly, but surely, he would ascertain his feelings about the boy, but for now, he was content with being beside his best friend for just a little while longer.

——————

Very Tiny Tag list:

@kenmas-consoles

#iwazumi x reader #iwa chan #iwaizumi hajime #hajime iwaizumi #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu boys #haikyuu aoba johsai #iwazumi x male reader #haikyuu fic #anime

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youknowmymethods · 5 years

Text

Content Creator Interview #6

Hello again and welcome to our sixth interview. This time, it’s the turn of @ashockinglackofsatin to put @sunken-standard ‘s writing under the microscope. Together they chat about the early days of the Sherlock fandom, how music can influence writing, and why the I Love You scene helped end sunken’s own great hiatus.

For those who don’t know me: I am @ashockinglackofsatin on tumbr, satin_doll on AO3. My test subject...erm, sorry - interviewee - is the notorious sunken_standard, probably most famous for her two epic, novel-length stories Longer Than The Road That Stretches Out Ahead and Fumbling Toward Ecstasy, which can be found on AO3 (along with her other wonderful stories) and should be required reading for anyone aspiring to write fanfiction.

You should know, first off, that I’m crap at doing interviews, which I discovered years ago when I had to interview musicians and various personalities as a job. I didn’t last long at that job.

So here is Kat’s Idiotic Interview with @sunken-standard.

satin_doll: You’re very good at writing Sherlock’s emotional cluelessness without making him seem like an idiot or an ass. Can you talk a little about the way you see Sherlock’s character that allows you to do this?

sunken_standard: Thank you :D So the answer to this is going to carry through to some of the other questions, but basically, I write Sherlock as a version of myself. I feel a kinship with the character, a highly intelligent person surrounded by idiots and so, so frustrated by it, but even more frustrated by his own brain and the inability to control it. Probably autistic, just like I'm probably autistic (and I don't want to get into it but I'm not trying to co-opt an identity here or anything; I've tried to get a diagnosis and found out that's just not possible with my current healthcare options).

Anyway, one of my probably-autistic things is being hyper-aware of other people's emotions, but also having trouble identifying them and the appropriate responses. At times I do lack empathy, like I honestly can't understand why someone is feeling what they're feeling because I wouldn't feel that way in the same situation and it doesn't make sense. Sometimes I can empathize so much that it's overwhelming and I just kind of short-circuit, especially when it comes to grief or loss, and I end up being insensitive or just not saying or doing what a normal person would.

So basically, I approach his responses to other people's emotions the way I would my own, only stripped of female socialization and self-awareness.

satin_doll: How much do you draw on your own life and experiences in your fics?

sunken_standard: For scenarios and specific scenes, not a lot. For emotional and sensory experiences, more. I haven't done very much or lived to my full potential, so it's not a very deep well on either account. Every now and then anecdotes or details creep in (like Mars Cheese Castle and the “call me Daddy” during sex thing [which, for the record, was skeevy as fuck irl]), but most of it just comes from nowhere or stuff I saw on TV.

satin_doll: Both “Longer than the Road…” and “Fumbling Toward Ecstasy” are novel length stories. “Road”, however, is written without breaks/chapters. Did you ever consider breaking it up into parts or chapters? How hard was it to keep it all in one piece and how long did it take you to finish it?

sunken_standard: When I write, I usually just start and then go 'til it's done or I burn out. I got through three or four chapters' worth of FTE (and was on the verge of giving up until maybe_amanda convinced me not to). Since the story wasn't nearly finished and I wanted to start putting it out into the world (mostly because I have no patience, but also because I knew there was a window to stay relevant and a large number of people were looking for a longer, meatier [cough] post-TFP fic), I decided to start posting what I had and just write as I went because I was, in hindsight, probably hypomanic and I was keeping a good pace at that point.

I dunno, I think there was a lot more of that long-format thing happening in fic back then, where you'd have a 40k piece that only had breaks because of the word limit per post on LJ.

As far as how long it took, I don't remember. I know I started it February of that year and had probably a good 75% of it finished (all written at a tear, over the course of probably ten days or so, because when I was still smoking actual cigarettes I could and did do 3-5k words/ day), but then I dropped it and went on to try other ideas. I went back to it when those other stories fizzled, and I finished it in maybe another 2-3 weeks with editing and beta reading. I had some real problems with the ending and it was never good enough for me, but I just got to a point where I was sick of it and it was good enough.

So basically, it's harder for me to work in chapters than it is one long piece. There's more discipline to a chaptered work; each chapter is its own story, in a way, and each one needs to end on a certain kind of beat. I still don't feel like I have a knack for it, and I think if I did anything long like that again I'd have to write most of it without breaks and then shoehorn them in where I could later on.

satin_doll: You took a long hiatus from Sherlock fic after S2, and came back for S4. What was it about S4 that sparked your writing again?

sunken_standard: I don't really know. I mean, the ILY was a big thing, but I think S4 gave me more to work with for the kind of things I write (all the angst and inner monologue) than S3 or TAB. I had mixed feelings about S3. I didn't like Mary much for a long time because she was one of Moffat's women (and anyone who's seen my tumblr knows how I feel about that), but I finally unclenched after a while because I like Amanda Abbington a lot and Mary was preferable to Sarah Sawyer (who I'm more ambiguous about now, but really didn't like for a long time because there was something about her that I read as smarmy, though now I see her reactions as more subtly uncomfortable and kind of like “what's going on/ this is weird/ John's a nice guy but is everything around him always this weird?”). Anyway.

I did try writing a bit after S3, but I never finished any of it; I didn't really feel like there was a place in the fandom or much of a community at that time, either—at least, not like what I had been used to from the early days. The tribe that existed wasn't my tribe (any of them). I think I need a certain degree of shared enthusiasm to motivate me to keep writing. Like, I have a lot of ideas for fic in other fandoms, but they're dead or never existed in the first place. And I know I'll have some audience for the small fandoms and people will read and kudos and everything, but there's no one around to geek out with or bounce ideas off of, so it just isn't as appealing. If I'm going to be miserable and alone while writing something, it's going to be something I can at least make money off of, y'know?

satin_doll: Do you edit as you go or finish the story first and go back over it to edit?

sunken_standard: Edit as I go. When I get stuck, I break that cardinal rule of writing and go back over what I've written and nit-pick it to death. It's a bad habit, but at the same time, small changes have led to big developments in the course of the story later on. I mean, I think sometimes this is why I have so many unfinished things, but I've tried just writing through and that doesn't work for me either. Once I get to the end of something, I've already made most of big cuts and done a lot of the reworking, so the beta polishing isn't as labor-intensive. I'm one of those people that when I feel like something's finished, I don't want to have to go back to it again. And if I didn't edit as I went, it would kind of feel like redoing the whole story and that's extremely unappealing to me. It's kind of like baking—it's always better if you clean as you go, rather than waiting until the cake's out of the oven to do the dishes and put stuff away (which I do when I'm low on spoons, but it ends up seeming like double the work).

satin_doll: Do you proof it yourself or rely on someone else to proofread it for you? I’m talking technical details here, proofing as opposed to simple beta reading.

sunken_standard: Mostly proof myself, since I edit as I go (and proofing is inevitably part of that when the mistakes just jump out). My beta catches everything else (and she's amazing; I misuse words and just legit don't know spelling differences for a lot of things [stationary vs stationery] and I'm not great with grammar and prepositions because I'm an ignorant fucker with no education).

satin_doll: When did you first start writing? When did you first discover that you COULD write?

sunken_standard: I remember writing stories as a kid, but I burned them all when I was a teenager so I don't even know what most were about or anything. I do remember that I wrote one when I was in like 4th or 5th grade that was ST:TNG self-insert fanfic and I think the plot was me working with Data to bring Lal back. I know it was Data, because I had a huge crush on him as a kid. I really thought I could grow up to write ST:TNG novels at that point.

And as for CAN write—jury's still out on that one. Ask my 12th grade English teacher, who laughed in my face when I told him I was thinking of pursuing English so I could be a writer. But before that, I had some other teachers that used to give me A+s on my creative writing assignments (despite all the spelling and grammatical errors). In 11th grade, I had a really great teacher, Mr. Lansing, who turned me on to the good parts of American lit and really encouraged me to read (and write) what I liked, not just what other people told me I had to. He encouraged me when I applied for the Governer's school, too. (The Governer's School is this program in PA for kids who excel; it's like a summer camp for the elite nerds. They have a bunch of them, each for different areas—math, science, medicine, I think one that's like history/ government/ civics, and then one for the arts. For creative writing, they take a total of 20 kids—10 for poetry and 10 for prose. I tried for the poetry category and made the first round of cuts and went for a regional interview (with about 50 other kids, so like maybe 150 kids state-wide); long story short I didn't make it. I was the first alternate, meaning if somebody couldn't attend, I would get their spot. #11 out of 10. I was so crushed, because it basically reinforced what I'd been told by other people—I was a big fish in pond too small to even piss in and there were always going to be people better than me. I was already mostly checked-out when it came to academia and aspirations; after that there was just really no point to keep going.)

Anyway though, I did write bits and pieces here and there even after school, thinking one day I'd get my shit together and write my own Confederacy of Dunces and then off myself (it's still a viable plan). Then, in 2008 I was recently unemployed and everything in life was shitty, so I wrote a big happy-ending fic for The Doctor and Rose. It was kind of the right bit of media at the right time that inspired me. More about that later though.

satin_doll: What/who do you think has had the biggest influence on the development of your style?

sunken_standard: I've been asked this before, and I always feel like I'm a little pretentious and I trot out the same names (both fanfic authors and book authors), but I had a realization a while ago that I'm always missing one person—Vonnegut. I think he's got this kind of no-bullshit way of saying things that still manages to be poetic and delicate and that's what I most aspire to.

I think a lot of my style is influenced by film, too. Some influences are probably Todd Solondz, Richard Linklater, Kevin Smith, and John Waters, as far as the way I approach the reality within the story. I think I tend to focus on a lot of the same things—the weird, the mundane, the mildly uncomfortable—but I don't go nearly as far in any direction. I think even the way I string scenes together and the shifting of focus within my scenes between action, dialogue, and inner monologue are influenced by cinematography. I always say I'm just transcribing the movie in my head, so I mean, there's bound to be some kind of influence.

satin_doll: You’re noted for the banter between your characters, humorous and otherwise. Do you have rules/profiles for characters that establish their voices for you? Are there things, for example, that you think Sherlock or Molly simply would never say/do or would always say/do? How structured are these characters in your head when you start writing?

sunken_standard: It varies slightly from story to story/ universe to universe, but I think I have patterns for the banter (and I have a different set for Sherlock and John, and Sherlock and Mycroft, but there are common threads throughout). As for comedy, it's not quite straight man/ funny man, but I tend to default to Sherlock being more literal and deadpan and Molly being more expressive and emotive. I use the scraps of the dynamic the show's given us and just build on that. It's kind of formulaic, actually: Sherlock does a not-good thing (degree of severity varies), Molly reacts with a blend of annoyance and amusement while going along for the ride.

I have a kind of mental file for things I think would be out of character for each of them, but sometimes I like to try to find a way to get to one of those things and slip it into a fic organically. One of the reason I liked doing the one-line prompt fics so much was that so many of them could easily have been intros to the kind of fluff that makes me gag; I'm no fool, though, and I love me some low-hanging fruit, so I just adjust it to my tastes. I'm a never-say-never kinda gal. Mostly.

That being said, there are a lot of things that I think would take a lot of doing to make them be in-character. I don't think they'd ever use pet names for each other unless it was through gritted teeth or with at least a bit of irony (like how I used “yes, dear,” in FTE, and I think in some of the universes in Ficlet Cemetery). I can't see Sherlock ever doing housework unless it was for a case (though dishes and sanitizing surfaces are an exception, because both those chores are tangent to the kind of cleaning up after oneself one does in a lab setting, and imo that fits with his logic). I can't see him being very affectionate in public, except under rare circumstances when he might do an arm around the shoulders or a guiding palm to the small of the back.

And as for structure, I think they all start with the same scaffolding, but in every new universe they get draped slightly differently according to variations in backstory or tone or genre or whatever. Or like, they're already sculpted, but the lighting changes. I think that as I write, they take on different nuances and acquire more depth, though. Like it wasn't really until a few chapters in to FTE that I got a fuller picture of the Molly I was writing, even though I had the rough idea of her backstory from pretty much the beginning. Same with Longer Than the Road, too. As I come up with details of someone's past, I experience those scenarios and it makes me rethink and fine-tune everything about them in what I've already written, and adds more texture as I keep going.

satin_doll: You’ve listed a playlist for “Longer than the Road…” Do you write to music? How much does music inspire your writing? Does every story have a playlist?

sunken_standard: It's funny, but I don't listen to music nearly as much as I did even 5 years ago. Not sure why, honestly, maybe something to do with my mental health and overstimulation? So I don't write to music much anymore. Not every story has a playlist or songs attached (I don't think any of the FC stuff does, at least not in any significant way), but it seems like my best work is inspired by music in some way.

FTE didn't really have a soundtrack, but I listened to a lot of the music I had in common with the version of Molly that I was writing—very 90s alternative and pop rock. Lots of Pulp (which I picked as Molly's favorite band because I think they're Loo's favorite, or one of her favorites). For the proposal, I had “Dreams” by The Cranberries on a loop as I wrote. There's just something musically about that song that's full of anticipation and the wavy kind of guitar (I don't know the music terms and it's been so many years since I was into anything instrument-related that I'm not even sure how the sound is made, like a whammy bar or wiggling their fingers on the frets or whatever but anyway) just has this kind of wavering emotion that makes it feel like it's on the cusp of something. And also it's the big romance song from every coming-of-age thing ever, and so just hearing it is like an auditory shorthand for breathless, adventurous romance, at least for women of a certain age (namely, my age, and I'm only a year younger than Loo/ Molly). There was another scene—I can't remember what it was without rereading the fic—that I spent like three days listening to nothing but “The Way” by Fastball. It might have been the thing with the drink testing and then the sex on the sofa and the cake baking. (As an aside, I just started listening to the song and immediately got hit with a sense memory of night-wet spring air blowing in my window, because that's what the weather was when I was writing to this and it gives me a weird yearning pull in the back of my throat, like nostalgia almost but something else in it. Like, did you ever hear a pop song that taps into some deeper part of the human experience, both musically and lyrically, and you just feel like there's some universal truth in it that's too much to totally grasp? That's how I feel about both of those songs. Anyway.)

Another story that had a few songs attached was Stainless, Captive Bead. Radiohead's “Creep” was what they were listening to in the tattoo parlor, and a lot of the sex bits were written while listening to Nine Inch Nails' “Closer” (look, if it's set in the 90s and there's fucking in it, I'm going to find a way to relate it to “Closer,” because that song is just dark sex and angst set to synthesizers and a high hat).

Also, sometimes when I write I listen to ambient noise stuff, cityscapes or rain or whatever fits the tone of the piece and my mood. I can't listen to anything for too long, though, because I get listener fatigue and I burn out faster.

satin_doll: Have you ever considered self-publishing your stories as a book or series of books?

sunken_standard: I've tried to file off the serial numbers on the Girlfriend series, but it was harder than I thought it would be so I back-burnered it. I still like to think that one day I will, it's a life goal, but if I put too much pressure on myself I only make it worse and nothing gets done.

satin_doll: You seem to have a detailed backstory for every character in your stories, from Janine to Molly’s mother. Do you work these out beforehand or do they just happen in your head as you write?

sunken_standard: Both? I kind of touched on it earlier, but I usually have an idea of the backstory, the bones at least, and then as I write it gets richer. I have multiple headcanons for every character, so I just start off with one of those. Like I have five different families for Molly, all things I was coming up with when I was writing other stories. Hell, I've got like five different Uncle Rudys (most of them highly unpleasant and most likely triggering).

I have a habit of just sitting and thinking about a character, like “what would make them this way?” armchair psychoanalysis stuff. And if I can establish a plausible-sounding backstory, I have a better foundation for introducing non-canonical traits or details. I think that's the downfall of a lot of fic authors—they just write a canon character as they would an OC and expect us to play along without demonstrating any internal logic. Maybe I'm just picky; there's certainly an element of that, too.

satin_doll: How detailed is the story in your mind before you start writing it? Do you work from plans and outlines with every story?

sunken_standard: It all depends on the story. Sometimes I have a whole series of detailed scenes just waiting in my head to be written out. Sometimes I only have one thing and I just keep going. I say I use an outline, but it's not a proper outline. More like a collection of notes and bullet points of what I want to happen and what kind of beats I want to hit. I usually keep it at the bottom of my working document so I don't have to switch to another doc to look at it if I need to.

satin_doll: Where does a story begin with you? What constitutes the “urge” to write? You once mentioned (in a comment reply I think) that you know the ending of the story first and then write the rest of the story to get there. What do you do when a story goes off track? How do you get it back to the way you planned it, or do you even try to do that?

sunken_standard: (I don't know why my document formatting went tits-up here, so I'll answer 1 & 2 both here)

So stories are a visceral kind of thing. I always have ideas. Seriously, give me a theme or a title or something and I can spit out a summary and details in as long as it takes to type it out. But actually crafting prose (can I sound more pompous?) is best likened to the urge to poop. Classy, right? I said it was visceral. Really though, it's that same kind of state of heightened awareness/ arousal (in the strictest medical sense of the word, not sexual arousal), something is happening and if it doesn't things are going to get weird and I'm going to be very uncomfortable for a very long time. Also, like pooping, if it's not ready, no amount of grunting or straining is going to make it happen, and it might even make it worse in the long run. As you can tell, I've been very, very constipated for the last year.

Anyway.

Stories going off track... a lot of the time I just let it happen because it's taking me to a better place than where I thought it was going to end up.

satin_doll: Quote from you: “I spend way too much time thinking about who Molly is as a person. Writing porn and comedy both have their appeal, but I really like sitting down and thinking about what makes any given character tick and how they might feel about what's happening around them. 30s and single has so much baggage to it, even if all the women's magazine articles and whatever-wave-we're-up-to-now feminist thought pieces say it's a myth or a stereotype or whatever. It's a truth we don't want to be true because it's not fair. I mean, it's not the thing that solely defines any woman, but it's there, just like cellulite and brand new and worrying moles and our favorite brand of whatever suddenly being discontinued (or significantly changed) because some marketing person decided it was too 'old.' But anyway, such is life. And I like putting that in fic.”

Do you write character studies to use as a reference for your stories, or just wing it for each individual piece?

sunken_standard: The character study is dead, isn't it? Like, as standalone fic. Never see them anymore, which is a real pity. I used to write them (or, well, start them, heh) before I took a break from writing/ fandom, mostly to try to get some of my headcanons down in some kind of usable way. But I haven't really written a character study (in prose, at least) since 2012 or so.

So when I write, I keep two documents open—the working copy that's a first-through-final draft and a “notes/ cut bits/ things to work in somehow” document. In the notes document I usually keep any character details (backstory or how I want them to react to something later, whatever). There are themes I go back to over and over, like a cluster of traits I reuse in some fashion because I think they fit the character (Mycroft and disordered eating, Molly as a middle child in some fashion, John as the child of alcoholics, etc.), so a lot of that just lives in my head. Any bits of characterization specific to a story go in the notes doc for that story, while any generic thoughts or something that I think I might want to use later gets stuck in another document full of random ideas, snippets of dialogue, jokes, AUs I'll never write, that kind of thing. I've got a few of those docs from different writing periods. They're mostly just a way to externalize a thought so I don't lose it; I hardly ever go back to them for anything.

satin_doll: What was your first involvement with fanfiction? Where did it all start?

sunken_standard: I started to answer this in another question; basically, fanfic's been in my wheelhouse in one way or another since I was a kid (Star Trek novels are fanfic, period). I discovered fanfiction back in the days of eXcite searches and webrings while looking for translations of Inu Yasha manga scans; I stumbled upon an English-language fancomic/ doujinshi called Hero in the 21st Century and it was so well-written, funny and poignant and well-researched I was just drawn in. I still think about it and the author's other works to this day. I did pick at the idea of writing myself, sometimes even put down scenes or outlines and did hours of research, but never did the thing.

And then, in 2008, the stars aligned and I started a thing. Journey's End spawned a ton of Doctor Who fic, and that was good, because I could just kind of slip mine in there and I probably wouldn't get a lot of criticism or attention. So I wrote like two chapters without any idea of how it was going to end, and I submitted it to Teaspoon and an Open Mind (which was the Doctor Who fic archive at the time; it was curated/ moderated and where you went when you wanted to read something you knew would be good, or at least conform to certain standards, unlike The Pit [which is still garbage today]). And I got rejected. My grammar and spelling were awful (I didn't even have spell-check in whatever program I was using) and they said the whole thing had good bones, but I really needed to work on the English before they'd look at it again. Getcherself a beta, they suggested, and I think they had a forum where writers and betas could connect. So I got myself a beta and she stuck with me for like 30 chapters, answering questions and keeping my characterization on-track and basically re-teaching me the rules of written English. I tried to email her a few years ago to thank her again, but her email bounced back. Her name was Julia and if she sees this, thank you Julia. You're a wonderful person.

Anyway, I wrote lots in that fic universe for like 2 months, then got another job and tapered off. I abandoned it completely after a year. Life got in the way of a lot of things, and the next time I was really inspired to write anything was a couple years later, for Supernatural. I only put it on my LJ, never posted to a community or anything, and no one read it. Literally, I don't think the post got any hits at all and for sure no one commented. I sometimes think about putting it on AO3 just because. And then Sherlock happened and here we are.

satin_doll: Do you think writing fanfic has hurt or hindered your original work? Why or why not? (that looks like a high school test question - sorry!)

sunken_standard: Lol @ test question :D

I'm not really sure, tbh. On one hand, I only have so much creative energy—it's definitely a finite resource, and a scarce one—and devoting it to fanfic diverts it from any original work. On the other hand, all writing is practice. The only way to improve is to keep doing, no matter what it is. So in that sense, fanfic's certainly helped me to find a comfortable voice and a prose style that works for me. There are still problems to solve, figuring out the best approach to a scene or story from a technical standpoint (stuff like tense and perspective and all that), so I'm always learning something as I go. Mixed bag, really.

satin_doll: What was it about the Sherlock/Molly dynamic that got you started on a piece like “Longer Than the Road…” What did you see there that made you want to explore it in such detail?

sunken_standard: So I always talk about how Sustain was my come-to-Jesus moment with Sherlock and Molly. Here's something I've never told anybody, not even maybe_amanda (because I was kind of ashamed, but not for the reasons people might think): before ever reading Sustain, I started a story that was Sherlock/ John and Sherlock/ Molly. I had it roughly outlined and a few pages written, but I just kind of lost the feeling of it and it was starting to get problematic for character motivations, yada yada, so into the scrap heap it went. It had a passing similarity to Sustain because of a platonic-sex-for-pregnancy element (hence why I never talked about it), but the major difference was that it was going to end up as a kind of polyamorous arrangement, Sherlock loving both of them and having a kind of co-parenting triad. In mine, John wanted a baby, and Molly wanted her own baby, and Sherlock thought “best of both worlds!” and why do IVF when you can write awkward angst-fucking instead. But yeah, I never finished it.

Anyway, I always saw something there, but I couldn't make it work in a way that was consistent with my own characterization of Sherlock until after Series 2. Even in Series 1, he looks at her with a kind of fondness and a sort of bewilderment that just lends itself to nerds in love. At the time (and even now, tbh), I kind of attributed that to BC having a crush on Loo (and oh man do I have theories, which are gossipy and gross and not the kind of thing I usually even bother having opinions about, but have you listened to the S1 commentary and some of the interviews around that time? there's something more there) and that kind of just spilling over onscreen and it working for the editor because it makes BC look sexy.

I mean look, I make no secret of the fact I started off shipping Sherlock with John almost exclusively (though I'd read just about anything), and after S1 aired it was just a different time. I get really annoyed when people talk shit about the pairing and the people who still ship them, because most of them weren't even in the fandom at the time and didn't have the same experience as the OGs. When Series 1 aired, hardly anyone knew who BC was, and Martin was just the guy from The Office and some other shows that were kind of unremarkable; most of the fandom was composed of old-school ACD Sherlockians and a few stragglers (like me) that got there from Doctor Who or were just general mystery/ thriller fans that got sucked in. We had a different perception of it because we weren't led into it by Star Trek or Hobbits or MCU; the characters didn't have that baggage attached for us. A lot of us already had a perception of Holmes and Watson as some shade of gay, so it was no great leap to see the very obvious romance (and yes, they all called it that in interviews at the time) onscreen as a romantic one. Martin, when asked, said basically that he'd play the next series (S2) however they wrote it, and if romance was there he'd go down that road. Whatever, I don't need to defend it because people think what they think anyway.

Anyway, getting back to the actual question instead of a million tangents and rants, I think I saw a lot of the things that have since become like backbone tropes of the pairing (even in canon, with the whole “alone, practical about death” thing). Their interactions in S2 were great; everything hinted at more than what was on-screen. And I really liked the idea of exploring the dynamic that was pretty much already there, as far as Molly having both a crush and self-respect and Sherlock suddenly having to rely on this person (that he picked because she was reliable to begin with) who's a friend, but also kind of a stranger in the way that a lot of the people we consider friends are (at least, friends made in adulthood; work-friends, church-friends, club-friends, gym-friends). Past that, I really saw the potential for character growth stemming from their interactions, but not like her humanizing him or whatever; both of them gaining insight about themselves, with the other person (and their relationship) as a vehicle for those realizations. I think I could have done better on that front, but hindsight blah blah.

satin_doll: How familiar were you with the Sherlock Holmes character before the BBC series aired, and what made you want to write about him?

sunken_standard: So I wasn't very familiar at all. Just what was in the general cultural lexicon, maybe a few episodes of the Granada series on PBS as a kid, a few of the stories that I just couldn't get into when I tried to read them because I hate Victorian prose (hate it, everything about it, I won't read anything written before 1920 or so because I just hate it [Wilde being the singular exception, but I even get bogged down by him]). Oh, and the RDJ movie, which wasn't really Sherlock Holmes to me, but just like a Victorian-era action movie. After S1, I just devoured canon (though, full disclosure, I still haven't read all of it, probably only about 80%), then moved on to other adaptations and canon-era fic and pastiches, read a bunch of extra-canon material on the internet. So as far as that goes, I'm very much a poseur and newbie in the greater Sherlock Holmes fandom. At least I did my research?

Anyway, it really took the modern adaptation and BC's performance to make the character resonate with me. The aspects he chose to play up—the frustration and impatience and frantic mental energy—just hit a nerve. He really channeled the “gifted” experience (which I suspect was just a lot of BC himself bleeding through). Finally I could use a fictional character to bemoan how stupid everyone around me was and sound like a complete asshole and be completely in-character! The heavens smiled upon me.

Really though, I was initially attracted to how cerebral it was and how smart the fandom was overall. It was the early fandom (and I mean early, like days after episode 1 aired) that drew me in, at least to a participatory (vs. consumptive) level. Lots of very clever, very educated, very queer people having these deep, insightful discussions about everything (sometimes only tangentially related to the show). When I did start writing, I didn't have to dumb anything down; the challenge was to sound smarter than I actually am. And, I mean, I got to dredge up a lot of my own emotional baggage from being a perpetual outsider, which is always cathartic (and probably not very healthy, long-term, because it's not resolving anything, just exploiting myself, but that's a can of worms).

satin_doll: Are you more drawn to Sherlock or Molly as a character, or both equally? Why?

sunken_standard: Sherlock, I think, for the reasons described in the last question.

I don't generally identify with female characters in fiction, since my own identification as female is tenuous (and in general they're poorly written and poorly realized, but that's another story). I mean, I can draw from my own experiences as a (mostly) female-shaped person with female socialization, but I have a hard time intuiting feminine and it's harder for me to write a “normal” woman.

Paraphrasing something I read in an interview with another fic author I admire, writing a woman is always a self-portrait, and how much of yourself do you really want to reveal? Since I don't know how to woman correctly, I'm always afraid I'm going to slip up and hit the wrong beat for what a normal woman is and end up ruining the characterization. I do manage to channel a lot of my own frustrations with men, relationships, being a single and childless woman over 30, and the patriarchy into Molly's character, though.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I really love Molly (and always have—I was one of the first to use her as a main character and not just a punching bag or a punchline). I love her sense of humor and her job and her fashion sense, all of it. She's not one-dimensional. It's just easier for me to write Sherlock than it is to make decisions about who Molly is.

satin_doll: You are “internet famous” for Longer Than the Road (rightfully so!) What about that story do you think is so affecting for fans? How has “Road” influenced subsequent work you’ve done in the Sherlolly ship?

sunken_standard: You know, I'm really not sure why it seems to resonate with people. Maybe the homesickness or the exhaustion that comes with impermanence (and I mean, we all feel that on an existential level, everything's always changing and it's faster every year, just existing is like trying to walk in an earthquake). Or the healing/ recovery aspect of it (I tried to balance both sides, the affected and the caregiver). Or maybe I just wrote it at the right time (when there wasn't much else out there) and people kept coming back to it because it was familiar.

As for how it's influenced subsequent work... I'm sure it has, but I don't know how, exactly. I still think it's the best thing I've ever written and the closest to something literary I'll ever get, so in a way it's an albatross (no one ever wants to be reminded that they already peaked). I get frustrated when my newer work doesn't live up to the standard I set for myself with it. That frustration doesn't make me a better writer, it just makes me tired, so everything I do now is paler.

One thing it did do was cement my characterizations of Sherlock and Molly and the dynamic between them. I tend to write them a certain way and don't deviate from that, and that all has roots in the push-pull, love-hate thing I established in Longer Than the Road. I can't write Molly without a degree of contempt for Sherlock and I can't write Sherlock without a degree of shame and contrition in his feelings toward Molly.

satin_doll: How does feedback affect what you write? How important is it? Is it more important that a reader “get” the point of the work or just that they like it? What kind of reader do you write for?

sunken_standard: I try not to let feedback affect my writing. I mean, I only get positive feedback, really, so it's a high. I'm not trying to brag or anything; I count myself lucky that I don't get the shit others do (though I honestly think anybody that posts on The Pit is opening themselves up to it because it's a garbage dump, but I've never liked the site, so). I try not to let it go to my head or anything though.

I also try not to let it influence the direction my writing takes; I might do a comment fic or write a silly HC or something, but I like to keep my substantial pieces pure, so to speak. Though sometimes a comment sparks something and a whole other fic grows out of it, so I fail there, I guess. Sometimes it's a lot of pressure when people say they want to see more of something, or want me to write a kind of specific scenario, so I usually just don't, and then I feel bad about not giving nice people what they want and it starts this whole weird spiral of guilt and obligation and then swinging the other way and getting (internally) belligerent over not owing anybody anything. I uh, have a complicated relationship with my work being acknowledged in any capacity.

As for people “getting” it... I don't know if they really do or not. Sometimes I get comments and I can tell they're definitely on my wavelength and they picked up on an allusion or a detail or just saw or felt everything in the scene like I did when I was laying it out. Once in a while I get a comment that has a different interpretation than what I was trying to get across, and that's really cool because it makes me re-examine my own work and see it from a different perspective (which I think makes me stronger for the next thing). It's really validating when someone “gets” it, but at the same time, I write to entertain other people (as well as myself), so as long as they like it, I feel accomplished.

It's cliché, but I write for an audience of one. I've tried to write outside my taste and it doesn't end well. Sometimes I write tropes that aren't my bag (like the Wiggins “the Missus” thing, or kidfic/ pregnancy), but it's kind of like a nod and wink to people who do like it, rather than outright pandering. At least, that's what I tell myself. Sometimes you need to try on every bra in your size, even the ones you know you hate, just to make sure you're getting the right one, y'know?

satin_doll: Do you think fanfic has changed since you began writing it? If so, how?

sunken_standard: Yeah, but I don't think it's a good or bad thing. And it depends on where you look and what you consume.

In the last like five years, Tumblr's purity culture has shamed a lot of kink back into the closet, I think, and people (in my fandoms, at least) aren't really writing on the edge. I see darkfic, but it's about as dark as the night sky over Hong Kong. I think people are afraid to go really dark anymore because they don't want the backlash from a generation fed on a diet of pink princesses and promise rings. And I think everyone's desire for happy-ending escapism has ratcheted up because the real world is shit and TV shows are all playing Russian roulette with surprise deaths to add drama (thanks, The Walking Dead, for making that element so ubiquitous that the rest of the mainstream picked it up and ran).

On the other hand, I'm not seeing near the amount of badfic as I used to. It was never as much of a problem on the old platforms and AO3 (compared to The Pit), but there were always some. I mean, there are still lots of turds out there, but they all seem a bit more polished these days. As far as the English goes, at least. Maybe my fandoms are just maturing.

I think people interact a lot differently now, too. This is going to kind of tie into the next question, but the types of feedback are different now and I think authors have changed what and how they produce to kind of chase the dragon of positive feedback. Like, when I started, most public archives (read: not just one author's own website with all their fic, like you found in webrings a lot)—both completely open and curated—had some way to submit comments and allowed author replies. There was really no other way to let an author know you liked their work. I mean, some sites tracked numbers for bookmarking features or hit counts, but those weren't as... active(? I guess), they weren't really participatory for the reader.

Then AO3 came along and started the kudos thing (which people still bitch about because they think they get fewer comments; like be happy you get anything, ya fuckin' ingrates). Kudos count became a de facto rating system, thanks to the sort feature. Whenever I start reading for a new fandom, I pick a pairing, pick a rating, and sort by kudos. Sure, popularity isn't the best way to find good fic, but in any decent-sized fandom you can assume that the stuff on the first page is going to be written to a minimum standard. Anyway, one of the ways to game the system a bit on kudos is to do a multichapter fic; I've seen works that are like 80+ 200-word chapters (don't get me started on omnibus fic across fandoms). They aren't the best fic by far, but they pick up kudos every chapter, often from guests that are just people not signed in or on a different device. I'm not knocking it, exactly, since it front-paged me for more than one fic. Part of me still feels like it's disingenuous, but I also recognize that I should pull the stick out of my ass. Anyway, the kudos count was kind of the death of the one-shot longfic (which, when I wrote Longer Than the Road, was a pretty common format).

And now, it seems like the Tumblr fic culture is writing ficlets (under 1k words) and posting without a beta (and I do it too). Fic consumption has become a social activity. Reblogs aren't always about one's personal taste, they're a social signal of group affiliation. If you don't reblog certain things, you're suspect and given a wide berth. Woe betide the poor fucker that crosses party lines and posts one of the verboten ships. And I mean, this isn't just one fandom, I've seen complaints about it from all corners—Supernatural, Star Wars, MCU, Steven Universe ffs. I think when you have predominantly female spaces, you're always going to have an element of Mean Girl culture, y'know? I'm probably going to get my fingernails pulled out for being misogynistic or some kind of -phobic for saying that.

Whatever. It's true that a kind of hive-mind develops and all kinds of tropes and HCs get repeated until they become fanon. I mean, that kind of thing's always happened, but the whole culture of Tumblr forces you to identify yourself and your group affiliation by what fanon you subscribe to, probably because it's harder to find your tribe without dedicated community spaces like LJ had. With Tumblr, you basically have to trawl tags until you find your echo chamber.

I'm old and I fear change.

Tumblr ain't all bad, though. It's very collaborative, kind of like the old-school round-robin fic people used to do. Authors and artists riff off each other and a lot of really cool stuff comes out of these casual collaborations. And I do like the prompt lists; I remember kinkmemes and prompting communities back on LJ, but it feels more off-the-cuff and spontaneous to just give someone a numbered list and let them roll the dice for you.

You know what else has changed? We're kind of in a new era of epistolary storytelling with memes and shitposts; stories emerge that aren't prose (though might contain a prose element). I mean, people did mixed-media epistolary in 2008, but it was a lot harder then (create graphic, hand-code into text piece, hand-code all the italics and bolding and font changes to denote various media types, if you're really a wizard add in-line text links to audio clips to add ambiance). It's a lot easier to add a new thing on each reblog now, like someone does a video, followed by a 3-panel comic sketch, followed by a ficlet, and then a gif, you get the idea. I like it; it's just a shame that it's so ephemeral. Maybe that's part of the charm, though.

satin_doll: You’ve talked a bit about your experience with LiveJournal in the “old days”; what other platforms have you used in the past? Which ones did you like best?

sunken_standard: I went into it a little in another question, but I first posted fic to A Teaspoon and an Open Mind (www.whofic.com). Honestly, I don't remember much about it. I'm not sure, but I don't think they had a richtext editor at the time (2008) and I had to hand-code some or all of it. I vaguely remember having to do HTML for italics and paragraphs. I know I had to do that on LJ sometimes because the formatting from whatever word processor I was using at the time did some hinky shit sometimes on a copy/paste.

Next came LiveJournal (and DreamWidth, but I really only used that to back up my old LJ blog). It wasn't better than Teaspoon, just different. Teaspoon is niche, only fanfic and only for one fandom (well, one universe of fandoms, really, with all the spin-offs), where LJ was all kinds of stuff under one roof—personal blogs, communities with various intents and levels of participation, fanfic, fanart, gossip blogs, you name it. I liked the friendslist view thing; it was like proto-Tumblr. And you could talk to people on the threads; even personal blogs were like a forum.

I joined AO3 in 2011, after waiting like six months for more invites to open up, but I didn't post anything there until 2012. I'm really happy with it as a platform for posting fic. I like the editor and I like the tags, ratings, and sort features. I never even considered posting to ff.net because I'm a snobby fucker (and they can blow me with their whole “adult content ban” that still continues to be selectively enforced). Anyway, I preferred having my fic on AO3 before I even left LJ, since I didn't have to split my stories into parts because of character limits.

And then Tumblr took over and I kind of hate it, since you can't have conversations anymore, it's like leaving passive-aggressive post-its and there's no editing something once it gets reblogged, so typos and bad links and all that are always there. And even when the original is deleted, the reblog keeps going, which I really hate from a creator's standpoint (though the archivist/ curator part of me likes it because it doesn't get lost in the ether [the recent purge notwithstanding] like so much of the early days of the web did). Tumblr's really bad for posting anything but ficlets and links to fic on other sites.

satin_doll: What would your ideal fanfic publishing platform be like?

sunken_standard: Honestly, AO3 is just about as close to ideal as I can think of. I just wish you could directly upload images instead of having to do code jiggery-pokery to link to something hosted elsewhere. I've tried a million times and followed all the tutorials in an attempt to add the cover art to Longer Than the Road (gifted to me by @thecollapseinwonderland), but it just never works. It shows on the preview, but not on the live version and it's frustrating because I'm computer literate, goddamnit. Anyway. And I mean, in an ideal world there would be better ways to find quality fic to my taste, but there's no real way to add a rating system (like 5-stars) independent of kudos without discouraging authors (and I mean the potential for abuse and bullying is just too great).

Additional reader questions from @ohaine:

Stylistically, Longer than the road is quite different from the other fics at the top of the AO3 Sherlolly ratings; stream of consciousness at the beginning, and the nested internal thoughts. How much of that was a deliberate departure, and how much was you just channelling the story as it came out of you?

sunken_standard: At the time I was really influenced by a Sherlock/ John fic (I can't remember the title or author, it was 7 years ago, but I feel bad about forgetting). It was originally on LJ and their journal was a lightish blue color and the font was small (if anybody remembers this... there was something with an EKG and I think something with shooting up blood as a romantic gesture?). It was Sherlock POV and the author had a really unique way of presenting internal monologue. Anyway, at that time there was a lot of experimental writing going on on the slash side of things, it was great. To be perfectly honest, I hadn't read a lot of Sherlolly fic at that time because what did exist (as far as happy-ending/ happy-for-now stories vs like darkfic/ angst) was really, really not to my taste (the exception being Sustain). So it was only deliberate in that—even when I wasn't being experimental—I didn't want to write Harlequin books.

I wish a story like that would just come out of me. I mean, to a degree it did, but doing the thoughts and sub-thoughts was work. I mean, I've always been a brackets-and-footnotes kind of person because I like reading it, but the way I did the thoughts was more like writing HTML than a regular rambling narrative.

I think I read recently (maybe on a blog post?) that Riders on the storm was the original inspiration for Longer than the road. Was the scene in the storm your starting point with the story, or where did you begin?

sunken_standard: That was the first scene I wrote; at that time I had a really nebulous idea of the story. The imagery was really clear in my head, though the very earliest concept took place in the desert—the classic American image of the road going on forever and rusty sands and the heatwaves rising up off the asphalt. I'm not sure how it morphed into North Dakota, I might have seen a picture of lightning over the plains or something.

So after S2 aired, I just kind of sat and chewed it over for a month before any really strong ideas emerged for a story. I had to find the internal logic for the kind of plot I wanted to write—namely, them on the lam together. Making Sherlock have a breakdown seemed pretty natural at the time; in ACD canon (and many, many pastiches) he was always having them and going off to the country to recuperate. But he was supposed to be dead and he was all over the tabloids, so it's not like he could just move to some sleepy little village and hope no one recognized him.

I thought about sending him to Europe, using the places ACD Holmes went after Reichenbach (and I did start more than one with them in Florence, a few incarnations of which were Molly/ Irene wanklock PWPs, I actually think one of the Rusty Beds stories came from that, but I digress). The only problem with Europe is the language barrier; I thought it was too convenient to make Molly fluent in another language (she might have some conversational Spanish from a holiday or something, but that's it), so I had to make them go somewhere where English was common enough. I also didn't want them too far from the UK; I wanted Sherlock to be able to get on a plane and be back within half a day (I realize this isn't the reality of flying, but deus ex Mycroft, so). So Asia, Australia/ NZ, and even South Africa were out, leaving Canada, the US, or parts of the Caribbean. I didn't want them to by happy, so they didn't go to the Caribbean. Canada's great, but it's too nice and they also don't have deserts. America it was; it also really added some background tension because I think a lot of non-USians have a love-hate with us. Movies are okay, music too, and of course the tech and consumer innovations, but everything else is garbage and we're all just rude, ignorant, obese Yosemite Sams. For someone like Sherlock, I think the US is the last place he'd want to go (even though canon ACD Holmes was really into America). And I mean, write what you know, so that was that sorted.

Once I got them here I needed them to do something; I wanted to tell a very intimate story, and that would be boring if they were just living in a 2BR cape cod in Jersey. And I mean, what city would really suit Sherlock? Where could he have a life that wasn't London? Anyway, the inside of a car is just about as intimate as two people can get, and the greatest tradition in American literature and film is the road trip, and that was when I knew I had a solid foundation for a story. After that, it just kind of flowed as I planned the route.

Perfect, not perfect-perfect is a beautiful, brave piece that I think has a real air of authenticity to it. It was a very tough read, purely because of the journey the characters are on, and I wondered how difficult it was for you to write? Was it catharsis or an emotional black hole?

sunken_standard: You know, I'm not really sure if it was either catharsis or black hole. A lot of the particulars and even the emotional places in that story aren't mine, but an amalgam of some other friends' experiences with polyamory. My own experience with it was pretty shit and pretty unremarkable, but I learned a lot about the human heart and how some people can lie to themselves because they can't let go of their ideals and their identities (I'm also still a little bitter), but that's got nothing to do with the price of tea in China, so moving on.

Since a lot of those experiences weren't mine, it wasn't raw, so it wasn't very hard on me, personally. I think I wrote it in like three days? I don't think I wanted it to be a slog, so that's why it's in present tense and very sparse and matter-of-fact. Dispassionate, even. There are times when I'm writing really emotional stuff that I'm disconnected from it (which is a fuckin' mercy, because most of the time I'm right there going through it, over and over for days sometimes until I get the scene right and can move on to the next thing), and this was one of those times. I was writing this alongside the Girlfriend series, so there was some overlap there; I'd already done the emotional labor for everything up to Mary's death and I was thinking of different angles of approach for later installments of the series.

The most “me” part of it is near the beginning, writing my way around the bisexual experience from someone else's point of view. I don't have a lot in common with any of the characters; they're a higher social class, urban, products of a more liberal culture, yada yada, but there are some things that are just kind of universal and misunderstood about bisexuals, the stereotypes that we have to contend with and end up internalizing.

Oh, and the perpetual alienation is all me, too. Molly's feelings of being left behind are mine, how I felt every time friendships drifted apart or when female friends got married and then had kids. So a lot of the fatalism and insecurity are me projecting how I would feel or react. I kind of like depressed Molly, more than the perpetual ray of sunshine/ cinnamon roll at least.

*********

Many thanks to sunken_standard for taking the time to answer these questions!

And many thanks and much love to OhAine for all her hard work putting this project together! It’s been fun and enlightening!

Next week, Friday 29th March, it’s the turn of @ellis-hendricks and @geekmama

#content creator interviews #sherlolly #Sherlock #ashockinglackofsatin #sunken_standard

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leiascully · 6 years

Text

Fic: Between A Rock And A Hard Place (Part 5/5)

Timeline: Season 10 (replaces My Struggle in the All The Choices We’ve Made ‘verse - Visitor + Resident + etc.) Rating: PG Characters: Mulder, Scully, Tad O’Malley, Sveta (established MSR) Content warning: canon-typical body horror (mentions of abduction, forced pregnancy, etc.) A/N: I’m collecting all the related stories that go with Visitor/Resident under the title “All The Choices We’ve Made”, because it felt right at the time. This story is an alternate My Struggle that reflects M&S’ growth/change in the ATCWM ‘verse. I’m weaving canon dialogue into the stories in an attempt to keep the reframing plausibly in line with canon.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | AO3

It's not a surprise the next day when they emerge from the Hoover Building, where they've been supervising the setup of all of the new computers, to see Tad O'Malley's gleaming black limo. The door opens. They get in.

"Glad we caught you, agents," O'Malley says with a grin.

"We're not hard to track down," Mulder says.

"It's the chip in my neck," Scully says dryly, and Mulder isn't sure he's ever heard her joke about it before. But maybe she's spitting into the wind too, reminded of how whoever is behind all this has tampered with her at a molecular level. He admits it is easy to direct (or misdirect) that frustration at Tad O'Malley.

"Hi," Sveta says, waving at them from across the car. O'Malley hasn't brought out the champagne this time, but she's clutching a bottle of Perrier.

Mulder leans back against the leather seat. The car certainly is plush. The perks of selling out, he imagines.

"I didn't think you'd come, Agent Scully," O'Malley says. "After all, your work is so important. So I took the liberty of coming to you." He opens a small fridge concealed under the seat. "Perrier?"

"Thank you," Scully says, accepting a bottle. "What are you doing here, Mr. O'Malley?"

"Exposing a global conspiracy that's crushing the soul of America," O'Malley declares. "Agent Mulder knows what I'm talking about."

"You're ready to make a move?" Mulder asks.

"The Truth Squad with Tad O'Malley with a world exclusive," O'Malley tells him. "The story to end all stories."

"Why don't you give us a preview?" Scully says, settling into her seat.

O'Malley leaned forward. "We begin with a war. The Civil War. The United States splits in two. A new government forms. They mint their own currency. They make their own laws."

"They perpetuate the enslavement and genocide of millions of people," Scully murmurs.

"That enslavement creates the haves and the have-nots. And the halves begin to believe, to truly believe, that they are above the law. That they can meddle with the fates and lives of people they start to consider subhuman: black, white, Native American, and everyone else. An experimental program to create a better person through a variety of methods, including surgical intervention and selective breeding."

Sveta shivers. Scully looks at her compassionately. She reaches for Sveta's hand.

O'Malley doesn't seem to notice their discomfort. "The shadow government continues to exist after the war. The genetic engineering of a superior human continues in the shadows of the shadow. And they have other secrets."

"It all sounds like a ghost story," Scully says in that even voice that immediately sends Mulder into full alert. "Designed to scare children."

"Children should be afraid," O'Malley tells her.

"Everyone should," Mulder says, and he sees the shiver in her eyelid that means she's trying not to roll her eyes at him. "It's a conspiracy bigger and more secret than the Manhattan Project, with tentacles reaching back into the very roots of America."

"The metaphor is mixed," Scully says.

"All the more apt," Mulder tells her. "The Civil War set the stage and World War I gave us access to new technologies, but it wasn't until victories in Europe and Japan that the drama really ratcheted up for the rest of the world."

"Political and economic conditions became perfect for execution of the larger plan," O'Malley declared. "The success of the program in the former Confederate states had spread to the re-United States. Agents of the conspiracy, swearing their allegiance to President Grant, had infiltrated the highest levels of government. World War I and World War II had weakened the European powers that might have held the US in check. As it was, they were delighted to accept the offer of help from the United States, and if it came with a price, they were happy to pay it. Their scientists began working with our scientists. The project stretched those insidious tentacles to grasp the entire globe."

Mulder grins. This is his wheelhouse. Even as much as he's been jerked around and lost his faith, it's still exhilarating to put together the pieces of the puzzle he worked at for half his life. "Paper Clip. Experiments in the aftermath of the atomic bombings. The crash at Roswell leading to cannibalized alien technology and cannibalized alien corpses, all resources that furthered the project."

O'Malley breaks in. "The bomb was the latest threat of extinction, but not the first. The energy of the explosions acted as transducers, creating wormholes that drew in alien ships just like the one that crashed at Roswell, ships that ran using electro-gravitic propulsion. Sacrificing those alien lives with their extraterrestrial biology and their advanced technology delayed our self-immolation on the altar of democracy."

"World leaders signed secret memos directing scientific stuff of alien technology and biochemistry," Mulder puts in. "All in the name of furthering the project, creating a new species that could survive alien invasion or whatever else might wipe us out. Classified studies were done at military installations, extracting alien tissue. S4, Groom Lake, Wright Patterson, and Dulce: all part of a network of black sites where tests were conducted using advanced alien technology recovered from the ships." He glances at Sveta. She has one hand over her mouth. "Tests including human hybridization through gene editing and forced implantation of the resulting embryos in unsuspecting human subjects." He swallows and tries not to look at Scully, but can't help meeting her eyes. "Embryos with extraterrestrial DNA."

Sveta gasps. "Why do such a thing and lie about it? Our own government?"

"Aliens aside," Scully says, "the American government has conducted experiments on unsuspecting populations as a matter of policy. The Tuskegee Syphilis Study lasted for years beyond the point where they could have cured the patients. The scientists in charge chose not to inform their subjects because they were African-American. They let them die horrible, preventable deaths, claiming it was all in the name of science. Genetic material was extracted from a sample of a tumor taken from a black woman named Henrietta Lacks and used without her consent or her family's. Other people have been sterilized against their will, or stolen from their families. I doubt we'll ever understand the full extent of the violence done to the indigenous peoples of the Americas." She exhales loudly. "While I cannot substantiate all of Agent Mulder's claims, I have found evidence of anomalous genetic material being implanted or otherwise introduced into the DNA of numerous subjects, including myself. And you."

"What are they trying to do?" Sveta asks.

"That's the missing piece," Mulder tells her. "We've learned so much, but some part of this eludes us."

"But it's not hard to imagine," O'Malley breaks in. "A government hiding, no, hoarding alien technology for seventy years, at the potential expense of all human life and the future of the planet. A government inside the government, secretly preparing for more than a hundred years for the long-awaited event."

"The takeover of America," Mulder says, feeling sick to his stomach.

"And then the world itself," O'Malley says with an almost religious fervor. "By any means necessary, however violent or cruel. Severe drought brought on by weather wars conducted secretly using aerial contaminants distributed via chemtrails and high-altitude electromagnetic waves. Perpetual war waged overseas, a drain on our resources and our energy engineered by politicians to create problem-reaction-solution scenarios to distract, enrage, and enslave American citizens at home with tools like the Patriot Act, the National Defense Authorization Act, and pure old-fashioned jingoism, abridging the Constitution and its promised freedoms in the name of national security. Every dissident, every minority: a terrorist in situ. Vietnam, but this time they're doing it right."

"Militarize the police forces," Mulder says slowly. "Martial law. FEMA building prison camps. Mercenaries fighting under our flag, but not under our orders."

"The corporate takeover of food and agriculture," O'Malley says smugly. "It's already begun. Monsanto. Dicamba. They've got pharmaceuticals and healthcare in their pocket too. An insurrection of men and women with clandestine agendas to dull, sicken, terrify, and control a populace already consumed by consumerism."

Mulder leans over to Scully. "I didn't really like Wall-E," he whispers. She shakes her head at him.

"A government that taps your phone, collects your data, and monitors your whereabouts with impunity," O'Malley says with a flourish. "A government preparing to use that data against you when it strikes and the final takeover begins."

Mulder nods slowly. There is a seed of truth in O'Malley's conspiracy-addled rant. He's been seeking it long enough to know it when he sees it. The nation is poised on a precipice. All the rest of it is lies, smoke and mirrors, a way to turn the paranoid and the credulous into easy money. But somewhere, under eighty mattress-thick layers of right-wing garbage, is a pea-sized truth, and he's the princess shifting uncomfortably.

"The takeover of America?" Scully asks.

O'Malley leans forward. "By a well-oiled and well-armed multinational group of elites that will cull, kill, and subjugate."

"Happening as we sit here in this car," Scully says.

"It's happening all around us," O'Malley tells her.

"It's been happening for years," Mulder murmurs. "The other shoe waiting to drop."

"It'll probably start on a Friday," O'Malley says. "The banks will announce a security action necessitating that their computers go offline all weekend."

"Digital money will disappear," he says.

Sveta looks startled. "They can just steal your money?" Scully squeezes her hand.

"While the banks are vulnerable, they'll detonate strategic electromagnetic pulse bombs to knock out major grids. Traffic lights, security systems, everything: gone. Hospitals will be on backup generators indefinitely. It will seem like an attack on America by terrorists or Russia."

"Or a simulated alien invasion featuring alien replica vehicles already in use," Mulder murmurs.

"An alien invasion of the U.S.?" Scully says.

"The Russians tried it in '47," Mulder reminds her. "Or they took credit for it, anyway."

"They'll take more than credit this time," O'Malley says. "This goes worldwide. Everything that has happened for the past seventy years has been engineered by this global conspiracy, these shadow players. The structures they've built are designed to crumble, tearing America apart at the seams. They'll build a new world on the ruins of our current one. It will happen soon, and it will happen fast."

Scully shakes her head. "You can't say these things," she tells O'Malley.

"I'm gonna say them tomorrow," O'Malley says with an almost religious fervor in his voice.

Scully frowns. "It's fearmongering, isolationist techno-paranoia so bogus and dangerous and stupid that it borders on treason. Saying these things would be incredibly irresponsible."

"I hate to say this, Scully, but if this is true, it would be irresponsible not to say it," Mulder says reluctantly.

"If it's the truth," Sveta says, "you have to say it."

"It's not the truth," Scully says.

O'Malley grins that smarmy grin. "Agent Scully, with all due respect, I don't think you know what the truth is."

"The only thing I don't know is where you're taking us," Scully says, ice in her voice. "Except on a wild goose chase."

"It's lunchtime," O'Malley says. "I thought you might want something to eat."

It's clear from the look Scully gives him that there is a long, long list of people she would rather have lunch with before she deigned to have lunch with Tad O'Malley. In fact, it might be approaching seven billion people long.

"I think what Agent Scully is trying to convey is that we've got to decline your invitation," Mulder says.

"You believe me," O'Malley says to Mulder with certainty.

Mulder looks at Scully. She looks back at him, her eyes tight just at the corners. "I might have, back in the day. My doctor says paranoia is bad for me."

O'Malley sits back, disappointed. Scully's shoulders loosen. She glances at him and there's something between approval and gratitude in her eyes. He smiles at her.

There's a pinging noise. Scully checks her email on her phone. Her brow creases. She scrolls through something, then flicks back to the top and reads through it again. "This is strange."

"What?" Mulder leans over.

"Sveta, the lab retested your samples. A new tech was running the machines, and a number of test results were compromised. In fact, they retested your samples twice to be sure. Your DNA shows no anomalies." Scully looks up. "Whatever's been done to you, it had nothing to do with this project."

"Nothing?" Sveta and O'Malley ask at the same time.

"That can't be right," O'Malley says. "Retest her."

"I don't want to be tested again," Sveta says.

"You're my evidence," O'Malley tells her angrily. "You have to."

"She doesn't have to do anything," Scully tells him. "She's under our protection now."

"We'll see about that," O'Malley says. He presses a button. The driver pulls over. He opens the door. "Goodbye, agents. Goodbye, Sveta."

"What will you do?" Sveta asks him as she climbs out of the car.

"I'll do what I do," O'Malley says. "I'll tell the truth."

The car door slams shut.

Truth Squad with Tad O'Malley the next day is a runaway hit: high ratings, viral content, memes, gifs, and a media uproar. "I promised you the truth today, but that truth has come under assault," O'Malley says, looking into the camera, and they roll footage of Sveta confessing to reporters, accusing him of telling lies.

"I am so sorry if I misled anyone," she says tearfully, wringing her hands in front of her.

"They get her?" Mulder asks.

"She should be safe," Scully tells him. "They'll work on relocating her."

"Material witness?" Mulder asks. "That's a bit of a stretch."

"It won't be by the time all of this is over," Scully says grimly. "I went to the hospital to collect the samples and had our labs run them again."

"And?" Mulder says.

"Sveta and I share a lot," Scully says. "Including anomalous genetic material."

"O'Malley must be furious," Mulder says, propping his hands on his hips as he thinks.

"Rumor is they're going to pull the plug," Scully says. "No more truth, no more Squad."

"To his followers, that'll feel like a sign," Mulder says. "A shot fired across their bows."

Scully shrugs. "Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Either we embolden a liar, or we enrage his base."

"Politics have never been our strong suit," Mulder says. "You know, there's something called the Venus Syndrome."

"The plant, the planet, or something else I'm afraid to ask about?" Scully asks.

"The planet," Mulder says. "It's a runaway global warming scenario that leads us to the brink of the Sixth Extinction. Those with the means will prepare to move off the planet into space, which will have already been weaponized against the poor, huddled masses of humanity that haven't been exterminated by the über-violent fascist elites. If you believe in that kind of thing."

"Honestly, these days it sounds almost plausible," Scully tells him, leaning on one of the desks. Whoever has funded the untimely revival of the X-Files has been generous: they have two normal desks and four standing desks scattered around the office. It's much too flexible a workspace for two people.

Their phones go off almost in unison. They both reach for them.

"Skinner," Scully says.

"Skinner," Mulder confirms. He reads the message: Situation critical. Need to see you both ASAP.

They look at each other.

"Scully, are you ready for this?" Mulder asks.

"I don't know there's a choice," she says, but she sounds fierce and proud.

There are wheels turning somewhere. He can almost hear the gears of the world grinding. They won't get caught in the teeth this time, won't get torn apart. Whoever is behind everything they've been through will be exposed, finally and totally, brought to light. They'll have to open the wound to clean it out, but that's all right. They've finally learned how to heal. He opens the door for her and they stride toward the elevator together.

#xfiles fic #the x-files fic #xf alternate season 10 #xf revival fic #mulder x scully #my fic #atcwm verse

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scuttleboat · 7 years

Note

Do you like Echo? I really want to now that she's a regular but I can't shake my wariness of her. It seems like she's constantly in the antagonistic role for our mains, but then she'll look sad for like 2secs and people will feel bad for her. But I don't. Do you feel me? Im open to her changing and growing with the spacekru, and I hope I like her character next season. But as of right now I don't understand the fascination some people seem to have of her.

An Egregiously Extensive Echo Essay

I’m gonna throw this wild analogy at you: Echo kom Azgeda is James Bond.

She is a dangerous, beautiful, ruthlessly loyal spy. She serves the queen (or king) and has to kill a lot of people. Fanatically loyal, always gets the job done. She gets captured, she makes allies, she lies to people, she gets friendly with the enemy and then later has to fight them or kill them to save her country.

bad difference: she doesn’t get to have smokin’ sex with the enemy officer (yet)

good difference: she feels actual, on-screen, sincere regret and anguish for deaths that she knows are necessary for her people but will nonetheless cause pain to someone she respects. I don’t think I’d personally seen a movie with genuine anguish from James Bond until Casion Royale came out.

So James Bond is a superhero if you’re British, but if you’re Russian or Communist or you work for a well-paying criminal mastermind, he’s basically like a horrific monster who kills your friends and blows up your factory and keeps your homeland from winning the cold war either militarily or economically. Either way, a loyal killer lapdog of the monarchy.

That’s Echo. If you look at where she’s coming from, even the fact that Bellamy helped her once isn’t enough to counteract the belief from her people and her queen that the Sky People represent an extreme danger to the clans and to Ice Nation. So they betray Lexa (who they see as an unfit conqueror anyway), and take out the enemy stronghold (Mt. Weather). To do that, Echo lies to a man who helped her once and saved her life. Yes, it’s a cruel and terrible thing to do. Yes, he’d be in his rights to hate her forever. But that doesn’t make Echo any less of a hero to her people.

((sorry this is getting long, so…. behind the cut))

The way I see The 100, the show goes to extreme lengths to show that everyone has motivations for evil acts. Most of the time, those motives start out “good” (such as self-defense, protection of community, stopping cruelty). In a few cases, it becomes evil when A) the harm done so vastly counterbalances any possible rational good (Dante), B) when someone is just a total sadist (Cage), or C) when ego and neglect and vanity cause the literal apocalypse (Becca/ALIE). Echo does not meet the standards of either A, B, or C. None of the major Grounder characters do (maaaaaybe Luna? !SQUIRREL!). Anyway, Echo, like our main characters Clarke, Bellamy, Kane, Jaha, etc… she’s done terrible things to protect and serve her people. I don’t hate or even dislike her character for that. She just is a character in this universe. And I certainly adore Bellarke, who have done as bad or worse than Echo for the same reason, so I can’t point fingers on the whole military actions thing.

We didn’t get to really know Echo until this season, and I think the show tried hard to put a lot of character building in while not forgetting about what they’d used her for in the past. They did an… adequate job. There’s definitely stuff that could have been handled in a smoother or more complex manner, but at the end of the season I’m generally satisfied with how they brought her into the regular cast. Weak episodes aside, there were several of her scenes I liked, and plenty of points at which I felt sympathy for her, just as you mention in your ask.

The biggest thing I had wrt Echo going into season 4 was “How is her relationship with Bellamy going to be handled?” Because I stan that guy, and she did him dirty. She did him as badly as Lexa did Clarke, except no one was there to intervene and save the sky people this time. I was pretty frustrated with their dynamic in the first half of s4, especially 401, because I thought their scenes really underplayed the anger that Bellamy ought to have been feeling. And then again in 405, their pivotal conversation didn’t feel successfully dramatic to me because I was just asking “WHEN IS BELLAMY GOING TO BE MAD ABOUT STUFF?” Like, Echo was a pivotal agent in a plot that got his friends and lover killed, she lured him into a potential bloodbath to disrupt a peace summit, she held a sword to Clarke’s throat, she mortally injured Octavia, and she advocated for war with Skaikru. Even if Echo was just protecting her own nation, it’s incomprehensible that Bellamy wouldn’t be angry that she used their past shared trauma to personally manipulate him. And then like, basically assassinated his sister.

For most of s4, I was like “????????” about how this was going, but that was more about Bellamy>>Echo than about Echo the character. Luckily, 410 went a LONG way to fix that for me. In 410, we finally saw Bellamy’s rage. I normally am not here for guys choking women on TV but in this unique case it felt really earned as a climactic fight. He almost kills her the same way they killed Lovejoy, the same way Murphy and then ChippedKane almost killed him. I cheered cause WOOOO DRAMA.Bellamy found out Echo was interfering and would try to assassinate his sister AGAIN, so he tried to kill her and his violence took on a form that is indicative of his lessons on the ground. We saw him finally let out that rage that was suppressed during their earlier encounters.

I’m glad he didn’t kill her, and she didn’t kill him, but I think they needed to come close. They needed that release, so the real forgiveness could come. We’ve seen Bellamy forgive–or at least live with–the people who tried to kill him or his loved ones before (Pike, Murphy, Jaha, Kane). Bellamy at his heart is a loving person who is damaged by anger, not made strong by it. Forgiving Echo at least enough to help her survive is absolutely in character for him at this point in the story. That’s what makes him a heroic protagonist. Being a protector is a core trait for both him and Clarke, and part of why they’re ultimately so compatible. Does that mean Bellamy could fall for Echo? Ehhh… They’re in a fairly unique situation and I wouldn’t take sex off the table. I think a delicate strange friendship will come about. But I highly doubt he’d actually fall in love with her. If I was shipping them, that’s a really complex dynamic to write a ton of fanfic about. As I’m not, I don’t care.

“Do you feel me? Im open to her changing and growing with the spacekru”

Anon, I have to say that nope, i do not feel you on this. Specifically, I don’t think she has to “change” if ‘change’ means to go from being a bad person to a good person. From the POV of her journey, she did the right thing by her people every step of the way until 410. The conclave was the first time she went outside her orders and did a dishonorable thing to save her people. Ironically, the Skaikru did the exact same thing that very same evening. A lot of people cheated at that event. But why it mattered to Echo’s character is that honor was the heart of her story–and it was honorable, to her mind, to kill in defense of her nation in s3 and s4. But when she let her fear and distrust drive her to break the rules of this (totally outrageous fucking bonkers) murder game, she violated her own honor. Roan came down hard on her for that, because Roan happens to care a lot about honor when it comes to fighting, I guess. Echo went too far in 410–just as Clarke and Jaha and Miller did. Just as Bellamy has before, as Lexa has before. She was punished for it, essentially ordered to die in a few days time.

I don’t look at Echo’s character and see a bad person who needs to learn to care about things–Echo clearly cared about a fucking LOT. It just wasn’t what our mains cared about. Echo did have to learn a lesson about when to have restraint, but then that’s what everyone on the show has had to learn. Other than that, her being in a antagonist role has been entirely a function of plot on the show. The plot was that she worked for the enemy. Otherwise, she is pretty similar to our heroes, only taller.

We did see, at several points this season, that Echo’s fierce loyalty to Roan and the Ice Nation caused her anguish when it came to betraying Bellamy. She was fully aware of what he’d done for her, and that between them personally he didn’t deserve to be so horrifically betrayed. To be a little callous, that’s more genuine visible remorse than we ever saw from Lexa or Pike or–check this out–Emori. As a viewer, I feel like we’ve been given enough material to see her position and to understand where she comes from. I’m content with her being in the main group. I think she’s one more interesting person in a mix of interesting characters who are trapped together in space.

I mean, I may have a bad reaction if we have to SEE her make out with Bellamy. Like, I hope I don’t have to see that. Otherwise, I’m cool with her on the show. I feel bad when she makes a face like a kicked puppy. I think making deep and meaningful connections with people outside her clan will enrich her as a character.

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velkynkarma · 7 years

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So that happened--s4 thoughts

My thoughts on season 4, below the cut in case you didn’t catch the spoiler tags.

So. That happened. I kind of have mixed feelings on this season. I know already people are either love it or hate it. I wasn’t particularly wow-ed by it, but I didn’t hate it either. A lot of stuff happened, but at the same time, it kind of felt like it didn’t? After all their progression it felt like they just came back to square one. I dunno. There are still a lot of questions hanging out there, but I guess we’ll get those with S5. Maybe. Anyway, let’s get to my thoughts! Still no word on “Ryou” or “Kuron,” but I don’t think the concept is tanked just yet. I’m thinking Naxzela was supposed to be the trap he was supposed to set, unwittingly. When Shiro explains his plan, he takes care to point out where all the intelligence comes from, but when he points out the chain of planets with a weak link of Naxzela, he specifically says “I’ve identified.” Information that comes direct from Shiro with no additional source is suspect, especially when the entire thing was a trap set to get Voltron there and blow up the entire area of resistance, and especially when the entire plan hangs on that one piece, and especially when Shiro is the one that designed the plan in its entirety. And the weak link he “identifies” just happens to be the one place that’s rigged with a planet-sized bomb, a feat that had to have taken months at the very least to set up…and we are told it has been months since Lotor made off with his comet and Shiro has been in place, enough time for Haggar to confirm her pawn is in place, even if he doesn’t know it. We also know, thanks to her manipulation of Narti, that she can watch things through other peoples’ eyes if given time to properly set them up for it. If this Shiro is a clone or a pawn, she could certainly gain intelligence this way. It may have even been the reason Shiro couldn’t originally pilot the Black Lion—it sensed the wrong presence. And her plan was almost solid. The reason this “explode Naxzela” plan did not work was solely because Lotor turned on the Galra Empire at exactly the right moment…even Allura’s resistance was not enough to save them. Shiro was the one that put them in that position. Shiro even negated Lance’s initial orders to run when the pillars were first forming—Lance tells Pidge to plot a course for escape, and Shiro says to wait, they should figure out what it is. Those precious seconds they don’t run end up trapping them and nearly killing them. And even if he doesn’t know he’s the one that deliberately led everyone to a trap—even if it’s entirely subconscious, and he resists with everything that’s Shiro’s personality after to try and help everyone escape—that plan still would have worked but for one unpredictable factor: Lotor. Nothing Shiro could have done then could have saved them once the trap was sprung. He could have unwittingly killed all of them without ever realizing it. On the note of conspiracies, I’m not entirely convinced Narti is dead either. Lotor is a clever bastard. He likes playing with his opponent’s thought process. I think there is a reason he specifically chose Narti to come with him when he visited Haggar, even though Axca is his usual right-hand general. Narti has a few properties that Haggar can’t predict; Haggar’s druids could not figure out how Narti did her mind-wipe/mind-control thing, or that it was even her. Lotor has already used the strategy of letting his opponents “see” something that he was really controlling in past episodes, it would not surprise me if he deliberately let Haggar see something via Narti before Narti shuts it down while “playing dead.” Narti is Lotor’s ace in the hole. If she’s “dead” she’s free to move, because nobody is expecting her anymore, and she has a power nobody in the main Galra empire seems capable of predicting or understanding. She can literally go in and out of places without anyone ever remembering she was there. Her cat didn’t panic either, just sat there next to her and waited. I have to wonder if Axca is in on the plan too, though, as she was pretty adamant about trusting Lotor, and specifically took the lead in stunning Lotor for “capture” before Ezor and Zethrid could murder him for their own safety. Capture that he escaped pretty quickly (by doing something really trippy with his arms holy crap wtf was that?!) Lotor joining the alliance is at this point a necessity for him. His original plan did not work, he needs to study or steal Voltron in order to pass through realities, and the realities seem to be his primary goal for some reason. It’s still not clear why, but he seems pretty hellbent on going through and collecting the super-charged quintessence in it. Why would he need that? He doesn’t appear to have his father’s quintessence starvation thing going on, and he clearly has no love lost for either of his parents. It doesn’t seem he’s doing it for them. On the generals, my original guess was going to be that Axca, Ezor and Zethrid would have joined the Voltron alliance. Clearly their loyalties aren’t to the Galra empire, and that’s not really surprising either—based on the way the generals talked about them in S3E1, they’re all Galra half-breeds, and blood purity seems to be a big thing in the Empire. They were loyal to Lotor, enough to attack the Galra empire for his own ends. He broke that chain, so the first thing they tried to do was save their own ass by turning him in, but if that’s not an option…”If you can’t beat’em, join’em.” But we didn’t see them again, so my guess is either A) Axca is in on the aforementioned speculated plan, and is cutting Zethrid and Ezor in on it, or B) they’re going to go into play in some other way to save their lives. I’m not sure they could form any kind of alliance with Voltron if Lotor is also there as there is now bad blood between them…although curiously, Lotor was surprisingly understanding about the three of turning on him. Which is weird, as he has shown he can get violent over disloyalty or failure, just like his father, even in Season 3. And to round out the conspiracy train, wtf is up with Zarkon’s armor this season? It’s deliberately hiding his face, which we never actually see. I wonder if he’s entirely 100% alive again? He’s feeding on that super-charged quintessence stuff, it seems...he’s now wearing the same tanks that Galra warden used in S2E10. He was also curiously not a focus this season, despite being the big bad. The summary of what he does this season is put on his armor, tell Haggar she was dumb for putting Lotor in charge, and then flip his shit when Lotor turned on him and spend the rest of the season hunting him down and nearly killing himself (for a third time????) in the process. Very weird...and also, an interesting distraction technique. Haggar seemed curiously uncaring about Zarkon this season, too, which is a big change from her steadfast loyalty in seasons 1 and 2. They barely interact. For the Naxzela incident some Galra generals even tell her ‘dude should we get Zarkon and take care of this’ and her answer is ‘no, we got dis, don’t call him, he’s too busy chasing Lotor.’ I am absolutely positive Zarkon would never have approved the Naxzela plan, not because of the wholesale murder but because Voltron would have been destroyed too, and he wants that more than anything. She’s working behind his back, and possibly keeping him busy on a wild goose chase. But what’s most interesting is the biggest change for her this season is she has her memories back now—we see her practically having a mental breakdown looking at her reflection with her skin color changed, envisioning how she used to be. She remembers that her and Zarkon had a pretty solid relationship, and her first reaction is to put as much distance as possible between them and start going behind his back? I’m not an expert on relationships but that strikes me as very weird. Now, Keith. I’ve got some friends who are big Keith fans and I have a feeling they’re already not liking this season since Keith is barely in it, which really sucks for them. I am sorry, my Keith-fan friends D: On that note though, I’ve been noticing a really weird trend for Keith through all 4 seasons so far. Each season introduces a major plot element of awesome thing for him, and then next season it’s like that major plot point or element just...doesn’t exist anymore. “Lol, we thought this was awesome and we introduced this but then we decided no.” Here’s the breakdown currently:

Season One: Keith goes lone wolf and unlocks the Rail Gun on his Red Lion against Zarkon himself, the turning point in him surviving the first part of the battle and establishing these alternative weapons exist. This weapon has literally not been seen again since, making it seem a bit deus-ex at this point. Keith doesn’t use it again, and neither has Lance.

Season Two: Keith is Galra!!!!! Blade of Marmora!!!! Big surprise!!!! Also his connection with Red is like SUPER STRONG!! Never uses his blade in Season 3, the BoM connections are barely touched on outside the first season, doesn’t even pilot the Red Lion anymore

Season Three: Keith, you’re the leader now. It’s super important and we’re going to spend the entire season building up this Important Position you’ve taken as being the leader. We’re even going to clash you against Shiro as leader just to prove you’re important as a leader, too. Teamwork is important, you need to learn that and stuff. Oh wait, never mind—Season 4 called, they want your lone wolf persona back. Kthnx.

Season Four: Keith’s totally BOM now. I wonder how long THAT will last.

At this current pattern, Season Five will include Keith leaving the Blade of Marmora for his next plot hook of the season. I’m calling it now. That said, we did see some character elements of his return or get stronger despite his limited appearances, which I found intriguing. In the first episode he goes back to ostensibly save his companion, and maybe that was part of it, but he also went back to save the mission and get the data, and says as much. This is a call back to the ruthless big-picture Keith we saw a little of in season 1, which could possibly be set up as a point of contention for him later. It’s been hidden a little recently with his big focus on Shiro, which seems to be the one thing Keith will break that “the world before you or I” mentality. Keith was also (scarily) about to do a suicide run to try and save the world, which means he is not exempt from his own big-picture focus. I wonder what that will mean later. Other big character reveals—Matt is back! Now, I’m gonna confess, unpopular opinion here, I wasn’t a huge fan of Matt back in S1. Less because of his character (I mean...he didn’t have any character back then, other than ‘really likes ice samples’ and ‘literally nobody thinks he’ll survive a fight, including himself’). More because of his voice actor. I dunno, his lines in S1 felt very flat and fake to me when surrounded by a cast that just felt so natural. I’m happy to see that his VA got a handle on it though for S4, because he grew on me. I actually really loved Pidge’s episode to find him, which gave her some great development, and I love seeing their interactions. Probably one of my favorites this season. I also adored seeing him, Pidge and Hunk geeking out and getting their tech on together, and it was cool to see him co-piloting in the Green Lion! (You can get more chairs, incidentally. Interesting). He actually has a personality now too! That’s great. I am still curious about a few things that he never bothered to explain though, like why the rebels rescued him (him specifically? Were they just liberating an entire cell block?). Or the fact that he never really interacted with Shiro outside that one initial meeting, which was odd. You’d think he’d at least be like “hey, thanks for risking your life to save mine that one time” or at least “holy shit what did they do to your ARM.” And what about Sam? That poor bastard, he was barely talked about either. He’s out there too somewhere, somebody save him! And last big character point of interest for me, in the very last episode, Lance and Allura had a really great moment. I found it interesting that although pep talks are Shiro’s thing, it was LANCE that convinced Allura she could empower Voltron and get them out of there, even without training. (They mentioned training too, I’m guessing that will be a focus soon for Allura). Actually, Lance had a few interesting moments in this series where he took more of a lead role, which I found interesting. His are more subtle (and buried in a mountain of moments with him being exited about showing off in the shows and morale parades), but there are a few instances in which he does take control or leads the team in the absence of a leader. When the refugees are attacked and Keith is absent, Lance gives a few initial suggestions about how they should attack that are not-quite-orders, but they are suggestions the others take. As stated earlier, Lance is the first one to say they need to run on Naxzela, which would have been the right move, but Shiro shuts it down (which may have been a subconscious trap). I think he’s learning to be more impulsive and commanding in a pinch and starting to learn more split-second reaction from his new Lion. I don’t think he’d be quite ready to lead the full team (he still appears to be very attention driven which is not a strong quality for a leader), but he’s certainly maturing. Okay, now on to some less obvious or detail observations! By far the hardest episode for me to get through was S4E4. I can take all manner of angst, intense fight scenes, etc, but secondhand embarrassment kills me, and this ep had it in spades with the whole “Voltron show” thing. It was funny, I’m not gonna deny that, I was laughing a lot too, but I was also pausing like every thirty seconds because I Just Can’t Even. The puns, the references to every sentai show ever, the way Lance was getting so into it, Coran’s weird hybrid accent, “forming Voltron,” I just. Agh. But by far, the biggest call out (or possibly smack in the face) was this one: Coran: Except for you Shiro, I’ll never get rid of you. You’re our most popular character!!!! Lance:…wait, YOU’RE our most popular character?! Shiro: -_- Methinks the team has heard us on this one. Also, in the first episode, I’m not gonna lie...when Keith got himself ejected into space—AGAIN—I was half expecting the Red Lion to just break formation and abandon the parade to go save him. With Lance still in it. Though that probably would have caused more angst in the long run, if Red still considers Keith its “real” paladin enough to go save him. That would mean Lance can’t measure up, or that Red picks a paladin that abandoned the rest over him. So I guess it’s good that didn’t happen. KALTERNECKER LIVES. And has her own little area on the ship with holograms to look like Earth. And they can get milk from her which means she had a baby cow recently. And Hunk makes milkshakes with her milk! And Coran and Allura love them and don’t get brainfreeze but think the cow just makes them! And Lance has to show them how to milk a cow and they are completely 10000000% appalled. I fucking died. At all of it. 10/10 best part of the whole season. “This is our cow.” “How did you—” In the same episode we learn they FINALLY got their Mercury Gameflux II working, so that’s awesome. I adore that Lance was just sitting around in his PJ’s playing video games. I wish he’d recruited Allura and Coran to help him win. Haggar has a rank, “High Priestess.” Which implies some degree of religious belief. However, almost everyone else outside the druids appear to refer to her as “the witch.” Which implies some societal divides between the main Galra and the druids. Hmmm... Not that it came as a surprise to anyone, but Lotor confirmed his mama is Haggar. Still no idea when he was born though. Hmmm... When he does make this reveal, he actually pointed out something that I myself had been puzzling over a lot since S3. Alfor claimed to have destroyed the rift by blowing up Daibazaal. But it’s a rift to another reality. Would blowing up the physical matter it happened to appear on do anything to destroy the tear itself? I had wondered how Alfor’s attempt was even successful, and apparently it wasn’t. Still want to know what the hell he plans to do with this knowledge, though. BUT WHERE THE FUCK WAS SLAV THIS SEASON OKAY. SHIT and I just realized Shiro never used his bayard WE STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT IS FOR FUCK’S SAKE OKAY! That’s a lot of thoughts, and I’m sure I’m forgetting quite a lot, but there’s my initial feedback.

#voltron season 4 #voltron spoilers #voltron #velkynkarma thoughts

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theworstbob · 7 years

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the thing journal, 5.28 - 6.3

capsule reviews of the pop culture things i took in last week. in this post: from a room, chi-raq, the intervention, all the beauty in this whole life, bone tomahawk, spades and roses, souvenir, spin, brooklyn nine-nine, blue velvet

1) From a Room, Vol. I, by Chris Stapleton: My thing with Chris Stapleton is, I have enjoyed his two albums, I have thought they were both Very Good, I think they're both fine examples of what country should sound like and understand their importance in keeping country music vital. I'd fall just short of calling either of them classics. Which is a weird space to be evaluating an album, where your main critique of an album is that it isn't an all-time classic, that you agree the songs are good and that a lot are great (and there's some great fuckin' songs, "Either Way" is just, yerrrgh, that's a toughie), but sometimes, it feels like there's some ingredient missing from the mix. I think it just feels too perfect. This man has a perfectly tortured voice, capable of translating any sort of pain and misery he feels, and he's using it to craft perfect country songs about country things like drinking and being in jail. It feels like he's content to do great things within the confines of the genre when he could be reinventing it, which, hey, fair enough, Chris Stapleton making really good country songs is a thing in this world I'm not complaining about, and if he never unlocks the potential I believe he has and only ever makes songs like "Death Row," I'd be cool with that choice.

2) Chi-Raq, dir. Spike Lee: Because I am ignorant of any piece of media that was made before 2003, I did not know what the Greek drama this was based off was about, so when I realized it was a film about women withholding sex made by the dude who made She Hate Me (this is an unfair comment because I haven't seen the film, but I'm pretty sure that's an unpleasant movie), I kinda prepped myself for an uncomfortable experience. And then the film ended up being fucking fantastic. The fact that the "no peace, no pussy" protest elicits a reaction of "Well, we have dicks. They love our dicks! Surely, if we just remind them of the fact of our dicks we'll put an end to this nonsense" is not just what would obviously happen should a similar protest occur in reality, it calls attention to the fact that so many problems facing the world are being caused by dudes who can't see past the apparent power of their dicks. (I will bring to the grave the belief that, if all the Republican presidential candidates held a joint press conference to tell Donald Trump he had a large penis, Donald Trump would have suspended his campaign and receded into the background.) But more importantly, this film has things to say about this country. It hits on everything, and it hits it hard. It calls out gang violence for bringing strife to black communities, then calls out the people who would use that strife to undermine causes like Black Lives Matter. It's a film stylized all the way to hell that remains grounded in reality because, what with the lists of names the film brings up (multiple lists, and nary a name repeated on any of these lists), it's impossible to fully escape reality. It's an astonishing film from a master director on a subject he's had to explore too often. (Also, Samuel L. Jackson having the time of his life as a Greek chorus.)

3) The Intervention, dir. Clea DuVall: I can never remember which character from Parks & Rec elicited this Perd Hapley line that has stayed with me forever, but all the same, some character asks Perd Hapley "Do you know what I mean?" and Perd responds, "I don't! But it had the tone and cadence of a joke." I have used that line to describe so many things where I respect the attempt at humor but don't ever laugh. This film is an example of what I'd use that line to describe. There's a lot of funny people in the cast, and there were plenty of comedic set-ups, but nothing like an actual joke. I think the film wanted to be a serious meditation on the relationships between these people (who were related in some convoluted way or another), so it tried to distance itself from the comedy, but it never took anything serious enough for the emotional moments to land with any impact. I wouldn't attribute this to the cast -- Melanie Lynskey is fantastic, and I completely forgot but Cobie Smulders can do goddamn work y'all -- more to the point that, hey, there's a low ceiling and low floow for movies about upper-middle-class white folks who only share quiet and emotionally difficult moments with other upper-middle-class white folks, and this film lands somewhere in the middle. I saw this the same day I saw Chi-Raq. Y'all tryna get away with pointin' a camera at some randos, and that's not gonna cut it.

4) All the Beauty in This Whole Life, by Brother Ali: On my personal Top 20 list for the year, I have this ahead of DAMN. It's 10% contrarianism, 20% homerism, 65% this is an amazing record by an amazing man, 5% no one at any point shouts KUNG FU KENNY. It's easy to make an angry political record. I think Rise Against is releasing an album this year, and it's already getting an A- and barely missing the Top 20, because times are shitty and it's easy to be angry. It's hard to look at the world as it is today and find things to defend, reasons to keep going. The most profound political statement to be made is that the world is fundamentally good and needs to be protected from those bringing it ruin, and Brother Ali makes that statement with authority. We'll have plenty of time and reasons to get angry in the coming days/months/years/decades. This is a record advising you to take a second to reflect on what's good in the world, the reasons hate came to be, what we can do to bring out the beauty, to explore what peace we can find before we start a war. It's powerful, amazing work.

5) Bone Tomahawk, dir. S. Craig Zahler: Not gonna lie: took a catnap in the middle of this one, very short, not even sure I was asleep, but definitely let the ol' eyeballs have a rest for a couple seconds. Didn't feel like I missed much plot-wise when I woke up, though. Probably missed a lot of beautiful shots of the Western hills (ok, THIS film is how you break in an HD display, I feel, nuts to Interstellar), but hoo boy, this film moved slowly! On the whole, the film was pretty great, I loved the way it built that town's community in just the one emergency meeting scene ("Look at the mayor when you're addressing him." "Yeah! Look at me!"), but there's a lot of time spent with gruff Westerners speaking softly about the great and terrible things they've done, and impeccably composed as those shots were, I can only be so interested in the things Matthew Fox has to say. (Also, hey there, central romance between a dude and a woman 22 years younger than him.) The film builds to the conclusion well, it picked up the pace a few scenes after my nap most regrettable, and I typically can enjoy a glacially-paced film now and then without sleeping, but if you have a worse attention span than me, this ain't rhe film for you.

6) Spades and Roses, by Caroline Spence: i do not remember how i came to add this particular indie singer-songwriter's ablum to my queue, but here we are, and this was fine! This was fine. I liked it. I rode on a bus and listened to this album, and I thought the young woman sang soft and sweet though potentially dark songs over gentle acoustic guitars. I cannot say I regret listening to this album, though I find myself unable to say much beyond that, because it was fine.

7) Souvenir, by Banner Pilot: I listened to this pop/punk album from an act I understand to be local after Spades and Roses, and one thing I should learn to do is try to pair albums better so that I'm not dealing with a change in mood this intense, so that there's a logical flow to the albums, some thematic link, not just "I added some shit to the library and I guess I'm listening to these today." Figuring thiis sort of stuff out is kinda hard, y'know? Like, I don't want to feel like I'm adding stuff to the library just to get it out of the way three weeks later, and maybe that colors my experience with albums like this or Spades and Roses, where they're fine but not necessarily something I feel I need to listen to twice, but if I come away from an album thinking I don't need to listen to it twice to get the full story, I'm not sure I'm being completely fair to the album. ...This review isn't so much a review of the album itself as much as it's a review of how I listen to music. C-. Needs a lot of improvement.

8) spin, by Tiger's Jaw: OK so I can tell ya right now I fucked up listening to this one. I was distracted, I had connection issues, I went grocery shopping and spent the majoirty of the grocery shopping twist asking myself what groceries I needed instead of what this album was doing for me, I did the thing where I treated music like background noise and not the thing I should be paying attention to. I thought the album was OK, but I could tell that it came to me on the wrong day, that maybe I should have put on something I'd heard before, and saved this one for a time when I could give this what it deserves. Bad week for me and my listening habits. Like, I do the thing with movies where I put the film on full screen and only check my phone to check the time, I need to find the thing for music that gets me to pay attention to music for more than one song at a time.

9) Brooklyn Nine-Nine s4, cr. Michael Schur & Dan Goor: I'm beginning to think this show would be the rare half-hour sitcom to benefit from a 13-episode order. This does action-comedy so well, but you can't really sustain the intensity of the action-comedy aspects of the show over 22 episodes, but then they have to fill the rest of the episodes with hangout-sitcommy bits that are very hit-and-miss for me. Once the show has a plot, it sings, but when it's doing its mystery-of-the-week thing what with A, B, and C plots so the entire cast has things to do, it can feel unfocused. I mean, hey, I watched every episode, I think the show is hilarious (I will sing Andre Braugher's praises until they can hear me from the moon), but I had to learn to deal with its inconsistency. Maybe not a Hall of Famer, but so many All-Stars never make the Hall of Fame, y'know?

10) Blue Velvet, dir. David Lynch: I saw this on Saturday night, and I'm still trying to process it. I'm actually not sure right now that I've seen a David Lynch movie before, which might explain why I feel so off-sync with this film; I've seen season one of Twin Peaks, but I'm otherwise unfamiliar with what he does, beyond a David Foster Wallace essay about the director. Perhaps I've become too desensitized to violence to understand what's shocking about the violence in Blue Velvet, or too many films derivative of Lynch to see what's uniquely Lynchian about Blue Velvet. I do see the central point and believe it's fascinating -- the only think keeping Jeffrey Beaumont from actually being Frank Booth is a sense of decorum, that Jeffrey needs to be Jeffrey to live in civilized society, but the only thing Frank does that Jeffrey only does reluctantly is Violence, and now I'm realizing this is Hannibal, that's where I saw this movie, was Hannibal, OK, OK, cool cool cool, but also, that theme of the darkness within, of people like Frank being everywhere, it resonates, because now we live in a world where we can remove ourselves from a sense of decorum and be Frank. To see Frank Booth in 2017 is to see the manifestation of a Twitter egg. So in the course of this review, we discovered that we are on this film's wavelength, and that the distance we had to bridge was created by seeing Lynchian works and living in the end times.

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