#not every slip-up in communication is a huge problem thats just real life i thought we wanted imperfect characters

[halforcdad]

really saw someone call lucy immature and compare lucy not telling kate she was looking for a new apartment to lucy getting upset at kate for not telling her why she made the move from DIA to FBI (to point out the hypocrisy of not communicating) like what is context

[itsbeenahellofayear]

what we got, it don't come easy

Summary: Some things are easy, some things aren't. It can take time to learn what is important.

Warnings: Smut. Maybe not as much as you'd expect from a story thats pretty much only about sex. Some feelings. Language.

Author's Note: It took a while to get this one across the line. The first segment has been written for weeks, but I lacked inspiration, motivation, and was a little burnt out on anything Leaf related for a little bit there. RIP 2021 season....

Thanks to all of you who kept checking in and were enthusiastic about the little snippet I posted. Kind of kicked my writing into gear today!

I crave your feedback - this is weird and disjointed and very personal in a lot of ways, so I'd love to hear what you think!

---

Sex with Auston is easy - that's never been the issue between you.

This thing started with sex - you connected on tinder, got to talking for a couple of days, then went out for drinks.... That wound up with him in your bed, having arguably the best sex of your life.

That first night, lying hot and sweaty and completely satiated, you'd be lying if the thought didn't cross your mind that you could do this for the rest of your life.

It was that good.

-

You don't keep a list of things to try, but you kind of keep a list of things to try.

-

Some things that make the sex with Auston so good:

He's the first guy to encourage you to use your vibrator on your clit while he's fucking you - it's not every single time - sometimes coordination isn't possible when he's fucking into you so good but those times when he's pressing deep into you, hands on your breasts, grip firm just the way you like, and you've just got your vibe pressed to your clit on a low setting and you just shake apart.... Those are good times.

His dick is huge. Like he's big to start, but then he grows. It honestly took a bit of work to find angles that didn't have him ramming your cervix each time, but once you did... He fills you up so good.

He loves to eat you out. You've had your fair share of mediocre oral, but there's something about the way he just goes for it, lets you twist your fingers in his too long hair, makes these little noises into you, that just really does it for you. He'll open you up with his thumbs and just dive his tongue deep inside of you, then move up and basically caress your clit with his tongue. If you're honest you can't even fathom what he's actually doing, it just feels insane.

He lets you ride his face. Now, it's not an every time thing, mostly because if you're going to expend energy on riding him, really what you want is his cock buried inside your aching slit. But sometimes, he'll settle himself on the bed, and you'll just climb on top of him, grip the headboard, and just ride.

-

You might love him.

(Maybe that's why it's good)

-

So the sex has never been the problem.

The problem lies in the in between bits.

In the moments when you're feeling insecure about his fame, and his looks, and the company he keeps. You're not a party girl - you'll go out to the bar once in a while, but people, everywhere, is not really your scene. You know he likes to go out, especially after wins. You know he likes to drink. And sure, sometimes he'll text you, and he'll end up at your place late at night. But sometimes he won't. And so you wonder.

It's also the moments where he just shuts down, internalizes, and won't communicate. You're not one for talking about your feelings, but you do believe in communicating when it's about things that affect someone else! Case in point: you send him a message in the morning on what you know is his off day - he doesn't even read it let alone respond until 8pm. You had asked him if he wanted to meet up for afternoon drinks.

It's also the moments when he says stupid immature shit, when you realize that, no matter how great a family he comes from, he's still a rich, entitled man-child that doesn't really understand the value of a dollar. And that irks you.

A lot.

-

But.

You're just fooling around - keeping it casual.

But.

-

He takes you out to the cottage with some of his boys. The season ended in heartbreak, they're splitting up for the summer, they want to blow off some steam.

You spend the days lazing by the lake, lying in hammocks in the yard, sneaking off for a "picnic" in the woods. And by picnic you mean Auston laid you out on a blanket and ate you out until you couldn't take it.

You spend the nights getting high sitting out by the fire, leaving unsubtly to go back inside to fuck.

It's probably around day 3 when you realize you're legitimately, 100% in love with this guy.

Day 5 you head back to the city, and haven't really talked to him about how you feel.

He leaves for Arizona the next morning.

-

He's not your boyfriend.

He doesn't know you fell for him.

-

The first night you had sex with him – the first night of the rest of your life – you remember thinking you've never felt this full.

Now, months later, you feel like you're empty.

Anytime you think of him, it's like your pussy just clenches involuntarily around what it thinks should be there, inside of you.

You want him so badly, so deeply, and you don't even have a real claim to him because you couldn't open up and tell him that something had changed.

You catch yourself scrolling insta late at night, looking to see if he's posted something that might hint he's out with someone else.

You hate that you're like this.

-

(You never see anything, for the record)

-

He comes back to Toronto in August.

That honestly catches you by surprise.

More so because you're just home on a Saturday afternoon, watching TV when he knocks on your door. Pretty much the last person you were expecting to see, but you can't deny that your heart ends up in your throat at the sight of him, tanned, bulked up, and looking at you like THAT.

"What..." you start.

"Faith" he breathes out.

You don't understand.

He walks forward into your apartment, crowding you back against the other wall of your tiny entryway.

You're still so caught up in him being here. The way he said your name...

You look up at him.

He just presses himself against you and crushes you to him in a hug. You feel him everywhere. The faint spicy scent of his cologne, the heat of his body, the puff of his breath against your neck where his head is pressing.

Engulfed - your brain provides.

"I missed you" he mutters into your neck.

-

Your brain is going a mile a minute.

How is he here? Why didn't he tell you he was coming back? He doesn't need to be back for weeks. Why is he here? What is happening?

You push him back a little. Not off of you entirely, just enough to give you some space to breathe.

"Auston, what?" You try again.

He looks down at you.

Swallows.

"I..." He starts.

Swallows again.

"I needed to see you, Faith."

He looks... Nervous?

"Aus... What's going on?" You ask him, heart racing out of your chest.

He swears.

"I might be reading this thing wrong, this thing we have, but... I want you to be mine."

You feel like you've been hit with a brick.

All you can do is stare at him as your mind struggles to keep up. You feel yourself reaching for him.

"Aus. Yes. Of course."

He blinks. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

You reach for his hand and pull him to the bedroom.

-

Sex is easy, with you and Auston.

You've never been afraid to ask for what you want. He's never been shy to ask for what he wants. And usually that lines up.

But for the first time since all this started, you feel almost shy with him.

Without discussing it, you both get naked pretty damn quickly. There's a second or twenty where you're just looking at him, drinking in his broad shoulders, his stomach muscles, his trim hips and his thick thighs. God, do you want him.

You might say that last part out loud, from the way he laughs and just picks you up and tosses you on the bed.

You've been soaked since you opened your door, and you're impatient to feel him again. He looks at you and you just whimper his name and he smiles, hitches up your legs, and slides slowly, so slowly, inside you

“Fuck, Aus" you hear yourself.

"You feel so good, baby" he groans out, letting you get used to him stretching you out, leaning down to press a filthy open-mouthed kiss to your lips. He bites at your lips as he starts to move, driving into you in a rhythm that makes you feel so good, hitting you just right.

It’s not enough.

But before you can say anything, Auston pulls back, and changes the angle that your hips are lined up with his and suddenly he’s impossibly deeper, and you just can’t breathe with how good he feels and his hands are on your breasts, and he’s pinching your nipples just right, and you are moaning his name almost like a prayer, and it just slips out.

“Aus, I love you.”

You don’t even realize what you said until he stills for a moment, eyes snapping to yours, and he makes this noise.

“Do you mean it,” he asks.

Its not the time for it, but you’re never going to be his open another time so… “Yeah.”

“God, baby. Yes. I love you too. It’s why I came back. I just wasn’t sure…”

He moves back so he can kiss you, deep and filthy. You feel him, deep inside you, and you just… cling to him. He starts fucking into you in earnest - hard and fast, kissing you the whole time, though it ends up being more like just panting into each others mouths but you can’t get enough of him.

“I’m so close,” you manage to get out.

Auston gets a hand between you and presses his thumb to your clit and you just hear yourself keening.

“I love how you feel around me,” he groans out. “Come for me.”

It doesn’t take long.

You shake apart underneath him, and you feel him pulse inside you and it’s just so much and you can feel tears leaking out from the corner of your eyes, and you just feel so much in that moment.

It’s so much.

-

So sex has never been an issue.

But now it is so much more.

[golgoterror]

Alright, this is ungodly long, but I just wanted to talk about something regarding Jake. 

A lot of this fandom -- at least, from what I’ve seen -- label Jake as stupid. Some may even say Jake and smart are antonyms. This could not be further from the truth. It almost irritates me how much the fandom places this mischaracterization on him. Also, I get to talk about The Lad™ for about ten pages worth of words on Google docs, which is always very, very fun for me.

Well, first things first, let’s talk about the child genius and multi-billionaire polymath that is Jake English.

Puzzle Modus.

Let’s begin with something small. Jake’s modus is of puzzlekind! This is described as:

It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never. (x)

He likes puzzles! This is a huge headcanon I absolutely adore that has a basis in the comic: He’s a puzzles guy! This is just sort of a neat little fact about him that I adore to the moon and back. Just the idea of Jake fiddling about with a Rubik’s Cube is kind of adorable.

This is how he goes about doing everything every day of his life. I think that’s just amazing! And incredibly smart of him, I might add.

Skaianet. 

Jake is shown in the credits to take over Skaianet after the game ended. For those unfamiliar, Skaianet made many things for the game, including but not limited to: the interstellar travel we see, transportalizers, the lab by Rose’s house, all Jake’s fancy-schmancy computers, and Sburb itself. In the beta timeline, Grandpa Harley founded Skaianet. In the alpha timeline, Grandma English did. I know Jake didn’t start it up and trying to pass off his alt-timeline self as him is a bit far-fetched at best, but he had the spoons to take it over. I think that speaks volumes for Jake’s intelligence -- this implies, at the very least, he can understand mathematics and physics at a high level. Remind you of someone we already know?

It is also important to note that Jake does, in fact, build the company back from the ground up, because it went to shit before his grandmother died:

GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes. (x)

So he built an interstellar company back up -- using what his intelligent grandmother had once used -- to being very useful and practical once again. 

As someone with a degree in mathematics and about to finish a degree in physics, I can say this sort of work would for sure require at the very least a decent understanding of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics, electrodynamics, calculus (vector and differential forms), ordinary and partial differential equations, and perhaps other things like topology. I don’t know about you -- and I’m probably tooting my own horn a bit by saying this -- but I think that’s pretty nifty, if I do say so myself. 

Actor.

Once again, I’m reaching into the credits to show that Jake has become a movie star after the game ends. Memorizing all those lines, slipping into characters... Being an actor is no easy feat. 

( Side note: This leads into my headcanon that Jake can imitate accents and voices on a whim. No more arguing about whether he has a British, American, or Australian accent -- you’re all right! )

And I would like to add he has two jobs! Skaianet and being a movie star! This guy’s a fucking polymath for Christ’s sake.

Reading People.

Let’s start of simple: Brain Ghost Dirk. I can hear the outcries now of Dirk’s powers being the cause for this. And, yes, I can’t ignore Dirk’s influence in this, but Jake’s hope powers were also needed for the projection to come alive. And the fact he was able to make such a startlingly accurate projecting of Dirk in his own mind is astounding -- even BGD himself thinks so!

TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him. TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness. TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes. GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking? TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick. TT: But pretty damn close. (x)

A very deep understanding of the other is needed for Jake to do this. That is pretty fucking incredible. He can clearly read people really well -- he had a few times where he was cluing in on Jane and Dirk have feelings for him:

TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much GT: It is? TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm GT: Talk about what? TG: nope GT: You mean how um... GT: Well a way in which i suppose... TG: no nope GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection? (x)

TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me. GT: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk are you... uh... GT: Saying what i think? (x)

He’s not completely clueless on people! In fact, he seems to have a really good understanding of his friends. That’s something a lot of people seem to forget because of the incident that I will be getting to later on.

Fending For Himself.

I’ve already written quite a bit on this, but I’ll sum it up here: Jake is exceptionally good at living in the wild and taking care of himself. Sort of like a wild garden; he doesn’t need to be taken care of. Survival skills, especially around fighting and fending off things, aren’t something everyone has. This, once again, counts in his favour, even if it doesn’t line-up with “book smarts”.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

That’s five things! It’s clear Jake is, in fact, a polymath and incredibly intelligent. So, what’s with the fandom painting him as being dumb? What’s with people actually thinking he’s stupid? I think we can all take several wild guesses as to why that’s the case.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Takes things literally.

This is something that plagues Jake quite a lot. Case in point:

GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film? TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness. GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee?????? TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even. TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though. GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :( TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok? GT: Oh ok. Whew. (x)

But, well, let’s address the elephant in the room. The chat I laughed so hard at when I read it the first time due to pure, unadulterated second-hand embarrassment: Jake asking Jane if she had feelings for him.

Let’s analyze this, shall we? Jake starts off by being vague as all Hell, and I’ll spare those details, until finally...

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? GG: No! GT: I see. GT: Very well then. GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. (x / x)

Okay, she says no, and he backs off. That’s fine and dand--

GG: No!!!!!! GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here? GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way! GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here. GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. GT: But now that i think about it you know what? GG: ... GG: No? :( GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! (x)

... Oh, right. Yeah. It keeps going. It just keeps--

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! GG: Haha, yes! GG: Friends!!!! GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! (x)

Sweet Jesus, Jake.

GG: Me? GG: HOO HOO HOO! GG: I'm just GG: Terrific! GG: I'm feeling so... GG: Friendly!!! GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? GG: Shit I mean GG: Ahahahah! GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. (x)

Alright, alright, enough! You all remember the fucking chat. 

Regardless, it’s very apparent Jake takes things at face value. I also will cite him talking to Jane before her birthday, but not list examples, because what happened above will just happen once again. 

Okay, so he takes things at face value. What’s wrong with that? He trusts people to not lie to his face -- to not sugarcoat things or beat around any bushes. Perhaps I’m projecting a bit, but I do the same damn thing. I think a lot of people do! I don’t think reading things as fact over text is a good measure of someone’s intellect. All it does is show he has issues with communication. Okay, so he struggles with one thing. Sue me.

Doesn’t catch things right away.

Yeah okay I’m just gonna dump a few examples of this.

GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy. TT: So... TT: You're not making any connections there? GT: Where? Huh? TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness... TT: Not ringing a bell? GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here! TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot. GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro! TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way. GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! TT: Moving on. (x)

GT: Whats going on? TT: Took you long enough to figure it out. TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn. GT: Figure what out! TT: You're asleep. (x)

This leads into the point above. His mind doesn’t work that way -- but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He needs everything laid out in front of him so he can make the connections and understand what’s happening, but there’s no real harm in this, and it certainly doesn’t dictate whether the guy is “intelligent” or not.

There are many, many more examples in canon depicting Jake as having difficulties with communication and you all can open most of his pesterlogs and probably find one. I’m not going to list anymore. But, hold your horses, I swear I’m getting to a point!

Difficulty reading.

A lot of the media Jake consumes is picture-based. Movies, comics, even the puzzles are most likely spacial and probably not riddles. It’s not far to imagine Jake might not be a terribly good reader, considering nobody was really around to make him read. Of course, his grandmother was around when he was little, so he can read -- and he can read just fine. But he probably isn’t very good at it simply from lack of practice. He also has terrible grammar, something Jane picks on him for, so it’s entirely possible that’s a contributing factor. He may just have trouble reading and writing.

Speaking from experience, I have dyslexia. As such, reading and writing are incredibly hard for me. I never read the books in my literature classes -- both in English and French -- but I did get the gist of the books (enough to get a decent mark in the class at least) by watching a movie adaptation of the novel. I don’t think it’s that far-off to think Jake may, indeed, do the same thing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NOTE: This next part is a bit hard for me to write, because I don’t want to vilify any of you. It might not have clued in on anyone or maybe you just saw Jake as a sort of comic relief and meant no harm by it. And I hope shining a light on this will make you all think twice about the guy. However, I can’t really avoid this next part, and I may get a bit emotional in it. Just a bit of a warning.

All of the above points are just me trying to say Jake probably has undiagnosed learning disabilities and perhaps autism. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how those don’t make someone “stupid”. If you think that’s the case, fuck you. I can’t argue with ableists, much less do I actually want to. 

NOTE: I wrote a thing on his speech impediments. That may be of interest too. I don’t really know, but here it is nonetheless.

My take-away message here is: just because someone struggles with socialization or other things doesn’t mean fucking anything in terms of their intelligence. Jake is very clearly smart and has the ability to read people incredibly well -- to the point of making copies of them! Perhaps it’s just a bit easy to underestimate the guy compared to other characters, though.

There are other things that muddy this up a bit, unfortunately.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Trolling.

Jake is such a fucking troll. Jesus shitting Christ, does he get a kick out of acting stupid just to make the other person look silly. Or perhaps even to make himself laugh in the process. Case in point:

uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL. (x)

Look at his goddamn face during this exchange:

That little bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. 

And these aren’t stand-alone events! Jake is very, very silly and will use the fact others see him as stupid to have a little fun. May as well, right? And, in the process, he makes others look pretty damn stupid. 

But sometimes it’s a bit hard to tell when he’s acting stupid against when he’s genuinely not getting something. I think he even fools himself sometimes! So you have to be a bit careful about fake-outs. I’m sure even the other alphas have trouble deducing when he’s doing this -- which only adds to the myth of him actually being “stupid” when viewed on first-glace.

He probably also does this with crushes, purposefully ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to deal with it or may not believe anyone could like him that way. After all, if he’s wrong, he may think himself to be conceded and having a big head. So, he ignores the signs, thus convincing himself the feelings aren’t there. Then he gets absolutely fucking bamboozled beyond belief to find out they actually do like him. But that’s just a little side-note.

Thinks he’s stupid.

This one is just a bit... Sad. Very sad. Jake genuinely does think he’s stupid. Quite a lot, really. 

GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes. (x)

Just... Man, he’s been called and treated as stupid so many times, he’s at the point where he believes it. If you asked him, he’d say Dirk is a genius, Roxy is always smart and sassy, and Jane is brilliant. (I don’t have a source for that last one but... Come on. She lectures him about grammar. Don’t fuck with me.) But when it comes to himself? He can’t say the same. Of course he then acts that way. He sees himself as a burly adventurer who is also a gentleman and tries to live up to that. No where along those lines does he think he’s intelligent. And that’s just... a little heartbreaking, really, all things considered.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Can’t believe this blog is just me going, “Wanna see how fast I can talk about Jake?”, and a shit-ton of people all nodding before I talk for six hours straight. Anyway, take-home message is: Jake’s smart. Jake’s very, very smart. He’s also a himbo, but he’s incredibly smart. Just because he has learning disabilities doesn’t mean fuck-all. 

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. There are drinks and refreshments in the back. Have a safe trip home. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses. Jesus fuck can I run this gag any harder into the ground? Giving me language was a mistake. No but, really, if you read this whole damn thing, thank you! I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write.

[pinkykitten]

Sacrifice

Chocobros drabbles

Requested: By anon Could I request for an angsty drabble with the Chocobros where their S/O sacrifice their life in a middle of a battle and they ended up surviving it despite having a huge fight the day before? Thank you for writing this request of mine. 😊

Authors Note: i did not re-read this lol cuz u know ur girl is lazy 😜. im sorry this sucked but i had writers block during this and yeah i just didnt get a lot of inspiration, but i tried my hardest! thank u anon for requesting some dash of chocobros. im gonna put this under the preferences section thing in my masterlist cuz thats what the layout was but i still did what anon requested. thank u for reading and enjoy! my bbys look so beautiful! 

Noctis Lucis Caelum

You and Noctis were having an argument about his relationship with Lunafreya. You thought they were too close for your taste. But it seemed as though Noctis was taking her side, and you were jealous of her. You both stormed out of the tents giving each other the silent treament. You held that treament even during a fight. You all were currently fighting a daemon. You were killing so many with your weapon. Taking your anger out in a battle. You saw out of the corner of your eye Noctis having difficutly with a daemon. Your heart almost stopped when you saw he was about to be killed. You ran to him and bravely took the beating. Noctis went to your limp body and shook you, worriedly. He was truly panicking. He called out your name trying to search for any movement. When you got healed up you woke up to him laying by your bed. You can tell he was crying because of the tear stained cheeks. You shake him lightly and he bounces up. He starts asking a million and one questions about if you’re okay, do you need anything. You settle him down and tell him why you sacrificed yourself. He apologizes for the fight, and says he will always protect you. You both makeup with a kiss. 

Prompto Argentum 

You and Prompto were fighting about how Prompto and you never really have good communication anymore. You felt Prompto was always keeping his real feelings hidden inside him, like he never expressed himself. It hurt to see him like that, but you and him ended the conversation on a bad note. You both said things you didn’t mean, but they were said. Now you were fighting Aranea, you gave the fight your all. You and Prompto spoke during the fight but it was professional and short. Back to back with Prompto you and him fought. That is until Aranea tried to come at Prompto. She gave a few slashes here and there on him. You saw the commotion and used your weapon on her. Angry, she came towards you and struck you instead, knocking you out. You woke up to a tearful Prompto, with seeing you alive cried some more. Saying that he is so happy that you’re alive. He can’t stop giving you hugs and kisses, and he apologizes for the argument he and you had the day before. Saying he will never argue with you again. 

Gladiolus Amicitia

Its funny your argument with Gladiolus actually stared during a fight with Gilgamesh. Gladiolus wanted you to stay out of this fight to not get hurt. You tried to assure him that you could protect yourself and that he didn’t need to watch your every move. Ignis was already, you could tell, getting annoyed with you and Gladdy going back and forth. You were dodging every attack, whilst yelling at Gladiolus. Ignis was getting angry that you weren’t focusing on fighting. Gladiolus saw that you were about to get hurt, so he sprinted towards you to shield you. You got pushed out of the way. Seeing his struggle with protecting you, you try to lure the creature to you. Your expression is filled with worry. Gladiolus tries to hold on to his sword but his fingers slip to grasp it. Without any hesitation you go and sacrifice yourself. You stand in front of Gladdy and protect him. Gladiolus carries you, when he and the others defeated Gilgamesh, to make sure you get healed. Once you are healed Gladdy kisses your forehead. He gets angry at you for getting in front of him like that stating he always needs to protect you. You and him make up and both of you apologize for the dispute you had earlier. 

Ignis Scientia

Ignis was angry at you. You were angry at Ignis because he was always busy tending to Noctis and his problems. He never was with you anymore and that made you self conscious of your relationship, and you were very worried about him. Ignis was still talking to you after your fight with him but they were short quick comments. You felt bad and guilty. Later on you and the chocobros had to fight some daemons. You stayed in the car while they fought because you didn’t know how to fight. You waited patiently, hoping Ignis would be okay. From far away you spotted Ignis and Prompto fighting one of the daemons. They were struggling and you could tell Ignis was not focusing. He was too busy focusing on yours and his argument. You yelled his name and Ignis turned his head to you. Ignis was about to get killed when you intervened. You jumped across from him and got hurt instead. Ignis out of rage killed the daemon. Your body limp is taken to get medical attention. When you awake all healed you see that your hand is enveloped into Ignis. Ignis, glad to see you okay, kisses you. He apologizes for arguing with you and he reprimands you of sacrifing your life like that. He says he needs to protect you.

[whatswithinme-blog]

damaged forever.

We think we know what ‘love’ means, but do we really know? We toss the “L” word around and we forget the true meaning of it. To me, Love is a feeling that is hard to explain in words and much easier to show with action. For instance, the love I have for my family is unconditional - as much as they annoy me and frustrate me, I will always love them; and the love never goes away.. I’ve learned to truly love because of my family.

When my boyfriend came into my life. The love I gave him grew more and more each day. I gave him my undivided attention, I did everything to make him happy, to see him smile. I cared for him, I made sure to treat him better than anyone else. I prioritized him. The love I gave him was the same love I gave my family. He was my family. But I didn’t get the same love in return. That didn’t matter to me though… at least not at that time…

Just two years into our relationship - he began to ignore me. I’ve shared stories with him, asked him about his day, asked him to tell me what his thoughts are. His response? Absolutely nothing. If I pried it out of him and asked: “Why dont you talk to me? Why dont you respond? HELLLO? Do you hear me?” Still, absolutely nothing…. He gets defensive, “Well what do you want me to say?? You ask me ‘how is your day?’ every single day!!! My day is the same. My answer is the same. I go to work. THATS IT.” I am sad. We drive in the car together, I tell him a story, it’s a funny story, so I glance over to see his response; maybe just a smirk? Nothing…. so I get offended - “Hey I’m talking to you!!!!” His response? “WELL IM DRIVING. I HAVE TO FOCUS!” Oh…. ok…. sorry… I am sad. We go out for dinner. We sit down and order our food, while waiting, I talk to him, but he doesn’t reply; we get our food, he eats it, then we pay for the tab and leave. I am sad. He comes home from a long day of work. I’m so excited to see him and talk to him. He’s just scrolling on his phone while I’m talking to him.. “I BARELY LOOK THROUGH FACEBOOK. YOU ACT LIKE IM ON THIS ALL DAY.” I confront him over and over about this same situation. He continues to be emotionless and unexpressive, at least just with me. He still ignores me til this day. And I still remind him to stop these behaviors every day... 

Im sure he listens closely to me, but doesn’t know what to say. When I express my concern about anything to him, his mentality is “well what do you want me to do?” the answer is NOTHING. I just want you to be there for me and understand how I feel. Just be there and make sure I’m ok. For him, it’s usually in the context of “How can I fix this?” and he tries to respond with solutions, rather than expressions of how he feels. This can be a deeply ingrained habit, and hard to break. When I talk to him, I may simply be attempting to share my experiences or feelings, but he feels this urge to help, rather than commiserate or share in return, but not know how, or what to do. So he stays silent.

he just… doesnt know how to respond to some of the things I said, and never learned the social skills to communicate that he heard me and appreciated me. So he ignores me. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel those things - he just didn’t know how to communicate it through everyday conversation. It was a pattern of communication in his own family. But, the real question is whether these type of interactions are what I want in this relationship. For me, it became very frustrating and made me feel small, even if he didn’t mean it, and I found myself craving conversation. Is this something I want to have in my relationship? Is this the person I want to marry and be with for the rest of my life...?  It may be, just an idiosyncrasy in his communication style, and have nothing to do with me. but it upsets me. Not acknowledging when someone has spoken to you is rude. Though in a relationship a person should be able to let slip the rules of etiquette once in a while, this particular breach is hurting my feelings. I’ve let him know that even if he doesn’t have a comment on what I was talking about, I still need to know that he was listening. It can be as simple as an, oh yea? or an uh-huh, or just a hug if it’s something that I’m upset about. Even if the topic of conversation isn’t something he cares about, he should care about MY feelings. I’ve let him know how his actions are affecting me, but he continues to act that way…………Why? Iduno.

Honestly, it’s not at all an issue when I’m feeling awesome about myself, but when I’m not…it’s a huge, glaring, and sometimes painful issue. You count on your significant other to bolster you when you feel bad about yourself, not make you more insecure.

If a coworker said something to me in the break room, no matter how uninterested I was in the topic, I would make some reply. Hell, I would reply to someone in the line at the grocery store. If he can’t empathize enough to see that a response is needed, that’s a definite red flag. 

I try not to lose hope. I continue to talk to him, share my thoughts, ideas, stories. I continue to remind him to stop ignoring me. I know it takes time to learn, so I gave him 6 years. But eventually I lose motivation. I’ve been hurt. I become less expressive. I get angry easily. I am not the same hopeful person I used to be. I began to pick fights with him. I began to get him angry - it was the only emotion I was able to get from him..

But I couldn’t let him go. I picked him to be MY person. I invested all my time and energy to mold him into the person I wanted him to be. But after 8 years, I realized he wasn’t that person. At least not for me. 

He doesn’t really love me because I’ve watched him interact with his family. The people he truly loves. When he is around them, he’s so kind, so caring, so interactive, so positive, so engaging, hes amazing. When hes having a bad day, I can’t fix it, but when hes with his family, theres a light that shines on him. His mood is lifted and his emotions are elevated. So I thought I had hope. I wanted him to feel that for me. I knew it was within him because I saw it! 

But I am wrong. I can’t make him give me the same love he gives his family. The love he has for me will never be the same as the love he gives his family. I am not family to him. I’m an outsider. He’s comfortable joking around with his family in spanish. I dont understand what they are saying, but hes giggling, so I know hes happy. 

When he leaves his family, and comes home empty, I’m used to being greeted by a miserable shadow of that smiling entity. For a long time it made me really upset (after all, as his girlfriend, don’t I deserve the same treatment?), but then I realized something: he let’s me see how he truly feels. No need to pretend around me, and he may have to “Fake it ‘till you make it” with his family and friends, but I’m the person whom he takes solace in.

Perhaps he already thinks that because I am by his side, that I will not leave him. If that is the case, then he is taking advantage of my presence. Sometimes, people tend to think that the more ‘comfortable’ you are with someone, the more ‘okay’ it is to treat them less than with the effort they first put in.

Over the years, I become jealous. he treats me unfair, rolls his eyes at me, ignores me, gives me attitude, is rude… But he doesn’t treat his family like that.  I am not his family. I am just a girl he’s comfortable with. He treats all his cousin’ and brother’s girlfriends with respect, gratitude, love… However, the person they know isn’t the person I know, and it’s rather endearing. I see the side of him that no one ever sees.  I am heart broken.

When I tell him all the things he does that hurts me, I hope that he loves me enough to keep that in his conscious mind when he interacts with me. If he really loved me, he would think twice before doing it. But he doesnt really care. He continues to hurt me by doing the same thing over and over. One day, he will find someone that he truly loves - like he loves his family. I am sad that I have never gotten that same love. But I will be happy for him.

Our relationship is damaged forever. Every time he ignores me. Every time he gives me attitude. I get defensive. I get angry. I get so frustrated. I backlash at him. My anger elevates with each negative interaction we have. I can’t go back to baseline. I stop having hope. I know he tries. He has gotten better over the past few years. But why does it still have to be a problem til this day? Why does he still do the same thing over and over? Why does he still hurt me when he knows exactly what to do to solve it? I dont understand... The solution is right in front of his face, but he chooses to disregard it.. to disregard me. 

He gets mad that I always “bring up the past”, that I “always hold grudges”, that I’m always picking fights with him over the “smallest things”- but what he doesn’t realize, is that he conditioned me to be this way. Our past experiences and memories is what makes up our relationship in the present. So when he ignores me, gives me attitude, gives off negative vibes, even if its for a split second - I recollect all those hurtful memories of the past and I get reminded of how terrible I feel for myself.. 

I’m still waiting for the day he talks to me and engages in conversations - asks me questions and has enthusiasm in his voice. I’m still waiting for the day he doesn’t release negative vibes or energy towards me (for no apparent reason). I’m still waiting for the day he shows emotion and expresses himself to me. But until that day comes, I will find happiness and love within myself.