#not really rant but this is long and kinda sounds like im complaining but I'm really not

[beansprean]

I'm sure Nandor is doing a great job out there.

My Familiar's Ghost part 11

Masterpost

(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: 1a. Close up on Laszlo dressed in a shirt and waistcoat with his hair pulled back in a small ponytail, a pair of old fashioned gold binocular glasses perched on his nose. He is leaning over a table which has a half-built ship in a bottle balanced on a wooden stand with a book underneath to elevate it. A few ship pieces are laid out on the table, and Laszlo has a sail carefully pinched in a pair of long tweezers, which he is slowly feeding through the neck of the bottle, tongue sticking through his teeth in concentration. 1b. Ghost Guillermo phases in through the wall behind him with a "Hey Laszlo?" and Laszlo startles, dropping the sail inside the bottle and spitting out a "Bloody-!!" 1c. Wide shot as Laszlo calms, taking off his glasses and leaning back in his chair with a frown, continuing, "-fucking Gizmo's ghost. What on this earth and beyond do you want?" Guillermo floats up behind him with an uncomfortable grimace, pressing his palm together awkwardly, and responds "Uh...I was just wondering...how you were feeling?" 1d. Close up on Laszlo as he slowly turns to look at Guillermo with an irritated expression that says "really?" Guillermo stutters, "Um...right." 1e. Full body shot of floating Guillermo, gesturing vaguely and looking up and away as he continues, "Just, the whole Colin Robinson thing...you and I were kinda in the same boat, you know? So I know how you feel-" Laszlo interrupts sharply from offscreen, "You do not. Know how I feel." 1f. Close up on Guillermo as he looks back at Laszlo with a contrite and surprised expression, stuttering back, "I-Im sorry..."

2a. Laszlo stands with a sigh, pushing in his chair with one hand and tucking his glasses into his vest pocket with the other. He says, "You should be focused on your own unfinished business, spectre. Not mine." Offscreen, Guillermo replies, "Well, I've got Nandor working on that for me..." 2b. Laszlo, picking up his unfinished bottle to put it away, barks out a loud laugh and looks back over at Guillermo, pointing out "Sounds like a one way ticket to getting stuck on this plane for eternity." Guillermo winces, forcing a smile through an embarrassed grimace and fidgeting in place as he avoids Laszlo's eyes. He couldn't argue with that. 2c. Laszlo turns to face Guillermo with a sardonic smile, one eyebrow raised, holding the book that was balancing his ship cocked against his hip. He gestures with his other hand and teases, "Unless that's what you want? I wouldn't say no to a clean house with marginally less complaining." Guillermo, close up in the foreground, looks up and away and holds out both hands in a stopping gesture. Still with a slightly embarrassed, self-depreciative smile, he responds, "Ah, no, no, no. That would not be...no."

3a. Full body close up on Guillermo in profile, clutching his elbow nervously with the opposite hand. His expression goes distant and pensive as he continues, "That could be...really bad, actually. Ever since I "woke up", it feels like I'm on a hair trigger constantly. Rage, grief, uh...other stuff... It's all right on the surface. And it's only getting worse. I can interact with the world more, but mostly it's... destructive. I'm not even really meaning to do it, I just... Do." In the background there is a collage of previous scenes in greyscale: ghost Guillermo angrily pouting, a crystal ball flying into Colin's face, Guillermo destroying an envelope with laser eyes, a sponge being thrown at Nandor, Guillermo ranting at Nadja, Guillermo shouting at Nandor, Guillermo shouting at Nandor again and him responding "alright, alright, yeesh. so testy lately". 3b. Close up on Guillermo's eyes gone wide with sudden horror, the background now solid black. He says, speech bubble black and glowing a ghostly blue, "Pretty sure this is how poltergeists happen."

4a. Reverse shot of Laszlo looking back at Guillermo with a serious expression. Guillermo continues offscreen: "I don't think I'd be great company after that." 4b. Same shot as before, Laszlo lifts the book in his hand in an uncaring shrug and points out, "Well, you're shit company now." 4c. Reverse shot of Guillermo, who snorts and turns his head away in an "I don't know what I expected" kind of expression. "Alright," he says. 4d. Guillermo continues, "Point taken" and phases out through the far wall. Laszlo stands in the foreground watching him go with a frown, clutching the book now with both hands. 4e. As Guillermo's ghostly trail fades from the wall, Laszlo lifts up the book to look thoughtfully at the cover. We can now see the title in flowing script: 'An Un-Erotic Guide to the Undead'. /end ID

[anything-viva]

sorry i just need to rant about this bc i've fucking had it. here's the big lies she's told me off the top of my head, kinda tmi but idc.

like she said she got pneumonia when she was nine and her parents refused to take her to the hospital, nearly killing her. funny thing, whenever i complained abt my cramps she'd bring up how hers used to put her in the hospital. (way to center the conversation on yourself, btw!) she wouldn't be old enough to drive when she first started getting them, so who took her to the hospital? i went to school with her, i live five minutes away from her, never saw ambulances that often! curious!

that's also part of the reason why i didn't get my shit checked out for so long! "oh, it's not as bad as rachel's so it's no big deal. i should just shut up and bear it." i can hardly stand up for ten minutes without pain now. THANKS! I CAME TO MY BEST FRIEND FOR ADVICE AND YOU LIED TO ME <3

btw her periods aren't even that bad. she gave me the thinnest fucking pad that would hardly last me three hours on a bad day like that. SHE CLAIMED IT WOULD LAST TWELVE! FUCKING LMAO! she didn't belive me when i laughed and told her it wouldn't last. if your parents refused to take you to the hospital when you nearly died, why would they take you if your periods are that light? like if your outer signs are so minimal, they wouldn't take you!!

said her dad took the lock off her door and creeped on her. HER DOOR HAS A LOCK, THERE IS NO DAMAGE ON THE DOOR!!! also the way she described it sounded exactly like an anime trope. shes a MASSIVE weeb, so i think she got it from some shitty anime she saw.

she said she's saving up to move out of her abusive household yet she splurges money like crazy. her room is full of anime figurines and unused wiccan shit. i really don't think she's actually a wiccan, she would've used those candles but they showed NO signs of use! as soon as we get together she starts talking abt buying lingerie and stuff from spencer's. aren't you saving up???

she says she can hear demons when her ears start ringing- babe, you have tinnitus.

and the constant constant "how do you think i feel?" she says i can tell her anything, but whenever i complain it's almost always "hOw Do YoU tHiNk I fEel" unless im on the verge of a fucking breakdown

said to my face "i haven't gotten fast food in months!" I WAS IN THE CAR WITH HER WHEN SHE GOT THEM? LIKE LMFAO? i wouldn't really care how she eats, but the audacity to lie to my face about something I SAW?!

she lies about getting commissions CONSTANTLY. made some fucking ridiculous lie up abt getting a comm from some rich lady who owns property at the tip of florida, supposedly over 100 manatees live there! No the fuck they don't!!!!!!! do you think i'm stupid?!

most recent example happened tonight. she hung up some of her paintings today at the gallery and claimed afterwards she got two offers on them? no the fuck she didn't, they were some of her worst paintings. i was there most of the time, i likely would've heard it!

i think that last bit is bc i got more attention than her. we were seated at the same booth. i talked a LOT to the people who were interested in my art because i can hold a conversation!

that's why she started making up shit abt commissions and getting jumped. OH MY FUCKIGN GOD

SHES BEEN DOING THIS AS LONG AS IVE KNOWN HER AND I ONLY JUST REALIZED

EDIT I FORGOT ABT THAT ONE TIME THIS SUMMER SHE SAID HER DAD TOOK A THIUSAND DOLLARS FROM HER BANK ACCOUNT. GOOD GOD I FORGOT ABT THAT. MY MOM AND BROTHER WERE THERE.

[depressed--and--bisexual]

Sooo remember when you were at school at had to pick your groups for a group project? Well this is happening to me rn at uni, except its a DEGREE WIDE GROUP PICKING. WITH 150 PEOPLE. AND ALL OF THE PEOPLE IM KINDA FRIENDLY WITH ARE ALREADY IN THEIR OWN GROUPS

If I keep sending messages down my contact list I'll end up passing as clingy, its people I'm not that close with, but if I don't ill end up with people I don't really like, shamed for having no real friends I guess.

Why can't we have assigned groups for this month long project?? Like ALL OF THE OTHER PROJECTS BEFORE THAT????

And the worst part of it all is that I can't complain about it verbally without sounding like someone who has no friends, literally everyone I know is happy about it and im like NO??? THIS IS HELL???? I HAVE NO FRIENDS APPARENTLY???

Anyway sorry for the rant my social anxiety haw been triggered and I needed to vent

[petruchio]

hi! first of all your thg takes are SO GOOD i love them. second of all i’m writing an indulgent screenplay for a fake thg web series and i wanted to know what you thought abt how to integrate katniss’ pov into screen format bc it’s so crucial to the story. unexplained voiceover felt kinda cheesy, i was thinking creating letters katniss writes throughout the series but that sounds equally cheesy. no pressure to respond! just wondering if you had thoughts. thanks!! have a good day

oh interesting question! it's honestly hard to answer for me because i'm not really a student of film (i am just a hater of the hunger games films) and as much as i complain about the movies not adapting thg well, it is probably true that voice-over would have been cheesy (my movie criticisms are more with what was cut or changed, like while i miss katniss' narration in the books WHOLEHEARTEDLY in the films, i don't necesarily think voice-over would have solved my issues with the movies -- and i still think jlaw was poorly directed in a lot of the scenes. or just no one on set understood katniss) (really not many people actually do understand katniss but whatever that's for another time) (SHES COMPLEX OKAY)

i mean one way that i would personally change the movies is to cut the capitol scene that opens the first film -- i think it devalues katniss' perspective as THE perspective we are meant to view the world through, and i have never liked how the first film opens with the capitol, because i feel like it puts us in the capitol's world from the start rather than katniss' -- instead of finding her reaching out to prim in bed and finding her missing (the literal thematic core of the series), we open with like an awkward capitol talk show. i think this has huge implications for how we perceive this world and how we understand our first introduction to katniss as a character, and i don't like it! (i've said before that if i thought the movies were going for a cool meta-commentary on how our place as moviegoers is more akin to the capitolites than it is to katniss, i wouldn't mind it so much, but i just don't think the movies were that smart.)

one thing i guess (?) you could do would be to incorporate more flashbacks? like a lot of katniss' narration is stuff that she's learned from talking to her father, or talking to gale, or talking to prim, and i feel like that would be a more effective exposition dump in order to focus on her? and not exposition dump in the same way that she and gale have that awkward stilted conversation at the beginning of the first movie, but like what if there was a flashback to her father explaining how the reaping works to child-katniss, and another one of gale ranting in the woods about the divisions between town and seam, or a scene with katniss explaining things to prim that she explains to the reader via her narration in the books. and you could also make the bread scene flashback like, <3 actually make sense <3, because in the movie its just some weird shaky cam shots. but i don't know -- i don't know how well that would work on screen honestly or how to utilize something like that effectively.

but yeah honestly i don't really have any more coherent thoughts than that, i know ive spent a long time dunking on the movies but i don't EXACTLY know how they could have done it better POV wise, other than cutting a lot of the snow/capitol/haymitch scenes that they show during the games (but that's just my personal opinion because i think they take you out of the games and out of katniss' limited pov, and i don't like that we get familiar with snow in the first movie because i think it's better to have him EVOLVE from a faceless villain to a real person as the books go on. and i think the haymitch scenes are just <3 shitty <3)

idk!!! if other people have thoughts please share via my ask or in the comments!! im curious what other people think

[jungxk]

// rant

i'm jus so heartbroken rn i've been crying for the past hour i jus need to put my feelings out there, i hope it's ok w you.

my mum wakes up today and jus starts berating me bc i didnt put washed dishes into the cabinets & the kitchen looked messy for her. i'm supposed to do it bc there's nothing else i actually do but yesterday i had woken up in the evening nd they called me to pray straight away so i totally forgot about it (coupled w the fact that i dont like doing it either cuz there's always sm dishes nd it's such a hassle). she jus started scolding me senseless nd im someone who doesnt get mad easily, even if i do i tend to stay quiet bc i dont like conflict & angry emotions are ugly. but i couldnt stop it today? she kept calling me selfish nd she's been calling me that the past few days as well bc i never help out w chores or anything. she's always asking me "what do u do for this family" or "what do u do in this house" every single time nd ofc i cant say shit bc i dont. i'm doing uni online nd it's really not that easy but bc i dont talk to my family like at all, they think i'm all good. the other day i pissed them off nd my parents straight up said "why do we need to pay for ur uni ure not doing anything anyway" & i jus... i didnt even know if i even deserve to feel sad over it. they were asking me what i wanna do after uni as if im not just in my first year & when i said im not sure they got so mad and my mum purposely said "just marry her off" to push my buttons into giving them an answer. they keep saying i'm pushing them into being the worst and saying the worst to me but how is that fair? they're parents? adults? i'm jus 20 & i can control my emotions? but today really jus pushed me she got so mad at me for the littlest things nd i jus exploded. I asked her why she's mad and she's like cuz of the kitchen bla bla bla nd it got so frustrating i told her it's not my problem nd i jus wont ever eat again since all the unwashed dishes piling is my fault. nd then she got mad at me for that and scolded me. I hate being touched but mostly i hate being hit. imagine getting hit at 20 years old bc my mother is too emotionally unstable that she cant take a few seconds by herself to calm her anger down. I hate it. nd bc i said it's not my problem she came nd told me "yea it won't be ur problem when i die too! i'll make sure when i do, u never come see me." jus... what kind of parent says that? i'm so careful w what i say & i slip sometimes bc i'm human but how can a mother say that? she doesnt know anything about me. she doesn't know i dont like being hit, she doesnt know i dont like it when ppl act impulsively on emotions. sometimes i feel like i really am the problem nd that i'm really selfish. spending shit ton of money to get me to study, maybe i am selfish. i dont mind it. i know myself well enough to hate things about myself. but to have parents who barely know me as a person rather than a daughter, getting this much mad at me for smthn so simple jus makes me so sad. bc i was doing the task when she asked. she does things like this then wonders why i cant ever talk to her. entire family thinks i'm immature bc i behave exactly how they treat me. 20 years. I never ask for much. but it's starting to feel like asking to study in the uk was my greatest downfall. it feels like i dont deserve this. every day i'm itching to get away, to live alone bc they've made me feel like i can never work well in groups. it's always somehow my fault as if they havent been invalidating me nd my feelings since birth.

nd i can never tell them all these bc i'm never confident in them. i'm never confident in whether i would be accepted nd comforted without ridicule or scolding. my brother & father tell me it's like that, that jus bc i may get a scolding shouldn't stop me from being open. but what kind of stupidity is that? my mother who makes me feel like the world is ending when i accidentally break smthn, that it wasn't an accident but rather it's me nd that i jus cant do a good job— where is the comfort i can ever find coming to her w a problem?

nd bc of that we're not close. bc of that she's closer to my cousins & everyone else really. they've never concerned themselves to talking about family issues w me but when i dont know, they shame me, saying i never bother to ask— how would i know when to ask? should they be telling me when there's smthn going on?

this makes the concept of family so repelling for me. there is inherently no reason to ever have a child that isnt selfish or self fulfilling. what they do as parents is to make them feel as important nd respected as they expect from the child. but it's never like that w south asians. emotions dont exist if ure the child nd apparently getting mad is a norm nd shouldn't stop u from being emotional w someone.

at times i tell myself that i should pay back every penny my parents spent on me. bc sometimes it feels like it's being used to make me act or feel a certain way. i dont wanna feel this way. theyre my parents, i know theyre good people. but i'm so hurt by the things going on nd the things from the past. my mother invalidates me sm. she more or less kinda blamed me for feeling useless and depressed last year. my brother was telling her to go easy on me nd she got so mad & frustrated bc she didnt know what she was doing wrong. "if she feels so useless why doesnt she do anything about it?" like that was such a golden chance for her to have comforted me nd i couldve opened up? but she ruined it nd hurt me again.

last year i lived w her alone nd my dad was in our home country. I was having some troubles w him gone but i dont call or text bc... it always felt like a drag. it never felt like a conversation nd the only time it did was when i complained to him about my mum. so much shit happened between my mum and i & this person advised me to jus write some of my feelings to her. so i wrote her a long letter nd i included saying how not having my dad was hard on me too. flash forward im in my home country & w my dad. i know nobody here bc i didnt grow up here. i'm doing online uni & basically have to stay indoors cuz of covid. she brings that letter up when she was to berate me nd it jus feels so uncomfortable for me? like ok my actions dont line up but i wrote that cuz i was looking for comfort nd understanding. if i knew it was going to be held against me, i would not have done it? "u said it was so hard for u without him, so what do u even do for him here now?"— what can i do? i'm just 20 nd the situation im in is not normal? i'm grateful to be w my dad again but what can i do? &it always freaking comes down to house chores. i try my best. when our maid doesnt come i do my best w my tasks. i know it's not enough but i jus... i dont even know. ig that part of me is selfish nd lazy.

it's so suffocating here. all my feelings are bottled up nd im so scared what that would do to me in the future. but at least i know i'm too selfish to ever spend the rest of my life w someone.

sorry for the long rant. i hope this didnt ruin ur mood or anything i jus need an outlet nd ur blog jus feels so comforting nd welcoming. thank u for listening to me nd my feelings. God bless u really kssjdjsj

i’m rlly sorry this is happening to you bby. idk what race u are but this sounds so much like that asian mentality where emotions are black and white and comfort in any way is out of the question. ur still rlly young tho so ur relationship with ur parents has room to improve i promise. i think it’s rlly important for u to move out whenever u can tho bc that’s what rlly improves the relationship. having said this i do think the way your mum talks to u/treats u is emotionally and mentally abusive so whether you want to uphold that tie with her in the future is ur choice i just rlly hope u get somewhere safe and away from ur family soon x

[elysianslove]

OH THEY'RE LIKE THIS....MATTE BRONZE-Y THING...you'd think with how much i draw i would actually know how to describe colors well but n o p e. but yeah that's how i'd describe it, my grandma saw it and was like "isn't this old, why does it look rusty" PLS

tsumu w glasses!!!!!!!!! is very hot!!!! sexy!!!!!!! i'm heating up just thinking about it!!!!! i was v thirsty for osamu today but then i remembered this and. and. 🥺🥺🥺🥺 tsumu 🤲 i want tsumie 🤲🤲🤲

also that sucks, esp since it was out of ur control >:( i'd be pissed;;; but also i hope you don't beat urself too much over it :( i'm sure you can still pull ur grades up next time!! also maybe ur profs should be more considerate in case things like that happen again </3 BUT YAY I'M GLAD IT WENT WELL FOR YOU!!! will u have time to rest a bit now?? hopefully u do, i feel like you've been pretty busy :o please do sleep once u have free time!!!!!!!!! make that headache go away!!!! shoo shoo

ALSO LIKE I SAID BEFORE PLS RANT AWAY...I LOVE READING WHAT U HAVE TO SAY!!!!! PLEASE KEEP DOING IT!!! and my day was,,,kinda okay, tho ngl i'm a bit irritated bc uh it's our first day holding classes for this one subject and our professor basically had us do a research paper 😃 which was due on the same day 😃 thankfully though i have great friends and it was a group project but still!!!!! it's literally the first day and we have other classes too, but we ended up using most of our time working on that 😔 it just sucks because i was looking forward to drawing today but alas </3

anw ily miss sal and i rly hope you're taking care of yourself!! this got super long again i hate myself omg 💀 —🦊

IM SORRY PLS I SAW THIS AND I THOUGHT I REPLIED BUT???? I REPLIED IN MY HEAD????? THE FUCK FHKSJHFKS ANYWAYS IM SORRY 

BUT 

pls your glasses sound so beautiful <3333 they’d go so well with tsumu, esp cause his eyes <3333 

but yeah that thing that happened w my quiz really did suck, but my professor is really kind and is trying her best to try to think up something to help us make this up somehow. ALSO ???? A RESEARCH PAPER??? DUE ON THE SAME DAY??? pls research is so hectic you never realize just how time consuming it is until you have to do it </3 so i feel for you, and i’m v sorry, but i’m still very proud you pushed through!!! and it’s okay, just give yourself a pat on the back for being hella productive n working on ur assignment <333

and i have been pretty busy :((( which sucks because i really really wanna write and come interact with you guys but by the time i’m done with all my work i’m literally zapped and drained of all energy and mental will to do ANYTHING it’s so exhausting i swear :( doesn’t help that i’m a huge workaholic that i can completely forget to do basic things to take care of myself like literally will forget that i haven’t eaten in over 15 hrs 🧍🏻‍♀️ PLS IM RAMBLING AGAIN IM SORRY 

anyways i love you so much more and i hope you’ve been taking care of yourself too!!! also never complain for any of your asks being long i love you and talking to you sfm >:( <3333

[piejumper]

Long post, im ranting about speculative ideas and potential problems about silksongs gameplay, but don't be mistaken, im not complaining I just really need to talk about this game rn

If I had to speculate about how the new gameplay features are going to synergize in silksong with the replacement of charms with tools in the new game, and the ability to only equip 3 at a time, id say that its looking like hornet while having more movement options out the gate, will be limited combat wise when it comes to being able to immediately strike enemies, so it seems like enemies will have both more defensive armor, but also large attack ranges that will force hornet to back off where in which the tools you have for combat will need to be used, giving it a....well. a dark souls feel to combat, which isn't bad, people are still riding the elden ring hype so that audience might find a new home in silksong. Kinda like how hollow knight satisfied that exploration urge i had after finishing botw. Theres also the move set hornet has for combat as well. It seems like hornet still has the basic attacks that ghost had in hollow knight, but with the re-tooling of movement options using the in game equivalent for soul, maneuvering to get in closer to attack is a lot more risky now especially given how healing has also been re-tooled to be instant but costing all of your silk(the replacement for soul in silksong). I'm definitely excited but I imagine getting used to the new combat feel will take a while assuming that the new item and ability progression in silksong is too fast. But im not too worried, its been months since I last played hollow knight so I shouldn't be too susceptible to muscle memory to be turned off by it. I am a little worried about how they'll go about incorporating the crafting system however, at the risk of sounding pessimistic I think having abilities that require constant replenishment at certain zones will end up bringing the constant flow of exploration and discover found in hollow knight (one of the things I love the most about hollowknight) to a halt for silksong in order to go back and farm certain materials for the sake of being able to use your favorite abilities which seems like it might be a step back concerning how one of the good things about hollow knight was the wide variety of builds you could craft using the charms you collected, it seems like introducing a crafting based combat system might pigeon hold players into being forced to use certain items for the sake of keeping momentum which might damage the enjoyability of the game depending on how flexible the player is, which is concerning considering team cherry is trying to introduce so many new things already on top of crafting an entire books worth of new lore, characters, and locations and having all these things fit nicely. I'm very glad they're taking their time, it seems like primary development of the game is mostly wrapping up right now assuming they don't get any more delays so all thats left after that is hammering out any bugs that appear after release and enjoying a vacation afterwards. I feel like they might release dlc for silksong like hollow knight but im gonna immediately put that thought back down because expecting too many things out of a developer because of one game is very dangerous especially considering that almost all the dlc for hollow knight was backer goals that were already public knowledge by the time hollow knight was released

[gendice]

(1) oh honey I feel your struggle. I'm a writer in this fandom too and like... I KNOW my stuff is good. I know it. And I have spent MONTHS on fics before only to post them to a lukewarm reception. It sucks because there are so many factors. So many! Posting time vs timezones, how many followers you have, the off chance of a popular blog reblogging it.. etc. And the most frustrating thing is sometimes I'll get a good reception on one website but NONE on another site, for the exact same fic!

The unfortunate thing is that’s just kinda .. how it is. It blows dude like fandom artists don’t really have to face that? The barrier to entry for them is so much lower I think. I’ve been writing for a very long time and I’ve sort of come to terms now with the fact that sometimes a story is just only going to get so many likes/comments/etc. Even when I think it deserves more or even when I feel like I haven’t gotten back nearly as much as I poured into it in the end I just try to remember that I’m writing for me more than anyone else. Everything I write makes me a better writer, so even if I post a fic and it only gets half the notes I’d hoped for, I’m still glad to have written it and put it out there. I’m still glad for the people who did read it and love it. I’m not trying to be preachy or anything, its just hard watching you struggle over something I’ve also struggled with for so very very long :/

Even established writers struggle with this! Like, I have a fic on ao3 that’s got 1000+ kudos and yet the Tumblr post for it slipped completely under the radar with few notes. You just can’t predict the whims of the internet sometimes. The only thing you can do when you’re sad about the reception of a story is to keep writing. The more you write the bigger you audience grows!! It’s the only constant that’s stayed with me from fandom to fandom. If you just keep writing, the readers will come.

sorry for the wall of text!! I really thought your story was lovely, and had a unique style to it. I hope you keep on writing no matter what, from one writer to another. Don’t be discouraged :)

hhhh h h ok i don’t want to discredit artists bc i know they spend a lot of time and effort on their works too but i think it’s easier for them to get notes/reception bc their works are visual and people can see what it is at a glance and decide whether they like it or not instead of having to spend actual time reading a bunch of words lol 

but anyway you’re right and logically i DO know there are plenty of factors to how well a fic will be received but also i can’t help but worry that it’s my fault that they’re doing so poorly?? i worry that the content that im putting out isn’t what people want to see which is the reason why my fics do so badly and, idk, i want to know what im doing wrong and what i can do to make it better but i just can’t? im not trying to say that my fics are better than those that get more hits/kudos but i can’t help it when i look at some more popular fics and i try to study them but i dont get what people like about them so much?? sorry this just makes me sound like a jackass but it’s probably just personal preference and mine being so different from the majority of the fandom’s which is also why i can’t write stuff that people like 

god i know everyone says that you should write for yourself and part of me does which is why i stick so closely to the style that i do but also it’s just,, numbers in the form of hits/kudos/notes serve as affirmation that my stuff is good, and it’s the only thing my flimsy-ass self esteem can rely on because i absolute hate hate h a t e the stuff that i make sometimes and i doubt myself so much all the time so when i see that a fic does well, it tells me that hey this isnt so bad, but when i see a fic flop it’s like, confirmation that my stuff stinks big time which is. its a sucky feeling. i know it’s not good to have that kind of mentality but it’s just the way that i am??? lets be real here like i can say in confidence that im a thirsty bitch and i do want people to read and like and kudos my stuff and my self esteem gets kicked repeatedly every time my fics flop so. h yea h 

honestly if it werent for my followers on here (sorry 2 everyone) and me shoving my fics in their faces i probably wont even get more than 100 hits on my fics lol and i feel kind of bad bc a part of me wants to deserve the hits and kudos that i get instead of having them just bc i kept yelling at my followers about my fics (i kind of feel like those people who would hold up the news and yell hear ye in medieval times or whatever) but. idk im conflicted cos i know this is one kind-of efficient way to get people to notice my fics. but part of me feels Bad when i do so too but idk. its also bc of this that i refuse to tag people or ask them directly to rb my fic posts bc i’d feel really guilty and ashamed and i don’t want to use people in that way?? and i’m not close friends with a lot of people on here either especially popular content creators so honestly i don’t think a lot of writers/blogs with large followings would rb my fic posts either so basically im just fucking myself over lol 

god sorry im ranting and i know i don’t technically have a right to bitch so much since as i’ve said before 1) my stuff isn’t as good as some other people who i know face this same problem and honestly deserve so much more attention for their works and 2) i havent even been writing for that long so i really am not allowed to complain but hh h h idk i just get super frustrated over this i cant help it