#not to be like aaaggghh kids these days. but.

[kiwi]

everybodys gotta get back into the practice of using pseudonyms online... i remember the time of screen names where u never ever told anyone ur real name and that was just understood as basic internet safety. plus having a screen name is fun because sometimes it sticks so well that it becomes part of ur identity that u can use in whatever facet of ur life you choose. it rocks to pick your own name

[trashpandaorigins]

Heaven Can Wait We’re Only Watching the Sky Ch. 9

Unbeknownst to him, Rocket came into the world shrouded in the darkness of a hole in a large tree, enveloped in a sweet, damp, dark must that smelled of milk and fur. He was born to a nameless raccoon female and with three nameless siblings. In that safe place of earth and wood Rocket sniffed and nursed and slept against the other kits, tucked into the fur of his mother. Safeguarded from the cruelties that would befall him a few months later. He would leave the world, in a remarkably similar fashion.

“Hey rat!” Kraglin’s crackling voice carried through the Milano, pricking his ears as he sat trying to wire a new gun and glancing at the blue-print’s he’d drawn up some turns ago.

“What?” The raccoonoid growled, it had taken him so long to concentrate this hard on the weapon. Blinking and squinting every time he had to pour over the sketches he’d down.

“Mandatory movie night!” Rocket rolled his eyes, stiffening as he stood, catching his breath as his small feet struggled for purchase on the metal grating. He fell forward, reaching out for anything to grab on to, “aaaggghh,” his paws gripped air and he let out a scream as the impact of his body hit the floor with a rough clank, vision going white. Fuuck…. he whispered, seething as electric wires sent shocks through his metal bones. He huffed for breath, lying there. The people in the strange masks looking down upon him…. what’s the next test? Fuck heads?! His mind challenged the demons within. Breathless the raccoonoid stood, holding on to the wall for balance and carefully made his way up to the Milano’s main deck.

“Hello puppy!” Mantis greeted, Rocket suppressed a growl at her usual perky demeanor. “I am very excited to see earth movies!”

“Your excited about paint drying,” he spoke with a bemused cough. She only giggled while the made their way to Peter’s impromptu movie theater on one of the lesser-used rooms of the ship.

“There you are! We were gonna make Groot come down there and carry you!” Drax announced from his seat. Rocket glanced at the Flora colossus who gave him a look contradictory to the Destroyer.

“Why can’t we just watch the one with the kids and the pirates again?” Rocket grumbled, shuffling to an empty chair.

“The Goonies?” Peter corrected, squinting at the VCR as he attempted to configure it. “Because you all have a whole lot of terran pop-culture to catch up on and Star Wars is an institution. There’s guns, you’ll like it.” Rocket folded his arms, tilting his head as the lights went off and the blurry pictures appeared on the screen. He strained to see, nearly toppling out of his seat at the loud crescendo of music.

“Peter, your crushing my hand,” Gamora informed him. The human let go, apologizing under the music.

“A long time ago in a galazy far, far away,” he began to read aloud.

“What galaxy?” Drax inquired, “there is only one. This movie makes no sense.” Rocket tuned out the incessant questions of the Destroyer, but he did on the whole appreciate the film. Lots of guns, much more useful then the light up swords. He sat in his chair, shifting, trying to find a position where the panging in his spine and the throbbing in his hips would not hinder him.

“Psst, Rocket stay still would yah?” Kraglin whispered, Rocket dismissed him with a flick of his tail. Can’t be here, everything in Rocket’s little body that was natural-which was not much but just quiet enough-propelled him to go. To depart from the others, to find a quiet place and hold solitude. Somewhere preferably dark. Flee. He glanced at Groot, who’s large eyes were glued to the screen. Scanning the others for he knew they’d come after him, Rocket slid down off his chair and quietly made his way over the threshold and down into the hall. Dark and small, alone…he glanced up at the air vents and nodded to himself, crawling upwards and easily dislodging the grate.

“F…fla…flark it,” he hissed, metal bones threatening to pierce through his flesh as he crawled through the vents. Black sludge dribbled from his muzzle, though he hardly noticed it. He rounded another corner and two more, dragging himself, his aching from a slave to the instinct that compelled him. Finally, the raccoonoid collapsed at the dead end of one of the vents, just above the cockpit. Through the slotted vents his heavy eyes could make out the starlight. He could not remember the stars of his early days, the scientists ripped that knowledge with him along with the memories of the forest and trees, his mother and siblings, but he had seen stars for the first time when he escaped the labs. Though the sky had also been alight with gunfire, smoking and turning into the vast sky above. The moment he beheld the stars was the first moment 89P13 realized he did not fear life or death. He did not fear it now either as he allowed the twinkling stars to lull his disheveled mind.

“Rocket?!” Rocket’s ears flicked upward untold time later. “Man, where are you?! You missed the movie!” Quill. Go to them! No. Dueling voices within Rocket compelled him to stay put, he flung his tail over his face.

“Small furry friend,” Drax intoned, closer. “Where did you go? Are we playing the hide and seek game we played with Groot when he was small?” Rocket smiled at the memory though it also had resulted in several grey hairs that never regained their color.

“Rocket” Gamora called, clear and concerned. “Rocket we just want to make sure you’re alright!”

“Puppy?!” The raccoonoid cracked an eye, peering down at the cockpit, watching as Kraglin looked under the control panel and Drax began searching the secret compartments in the wall.

“I am Groot!” Rocket’s heart cracked at the fright in his friend’s voice, yet still he shrank back as Groot’s large eyes appeared before him and his nimble wooden fingers dislodged the grate. Rocket hissed, involuntarily, hair raising. The agony in his body creeping over his mind as Groot reached for him. “I am Groot?!”

“J…just leave me be,” Rocket begged, knowing logically that it was futile. He bristled as strong vines and ample hands wound around his body and lifted him down from the ceiling.

“You found him!” Peter came forward, followed by Gamora and Kraglin.

“I am Groot,” Rocket frowned. Why did his voice seem so far away? He was spinning in Groot’s hold. The flora colossus sat on the ground, legs folded, cradling Rocket in his lap.

“He…he doesn’t look so good….”

“Shhh!” Gamora snapped, the raccoonoid squinted, trying to see her face through the black spots of his vision.  “Rock?” She whispered, Groot’s own face loomed over him and Rocket smiled, recognizing that face.

“I am Groot,” the raccoonoid nodded though his body spasmed, light of the cybernetic panels reflecting against the bark of the flora colossus. What was happening? Wilting, he was convinced when he’d seen himself in the mirror. But maybe he was wrong. As Rocket lay there, leaning his whole body against Groot and surrounded by the faces of those who had done so much more than put up w him, but had forgiven him, loved him. He wondered if that sad garden of self he’d curated away in the dungeons of Halfworld wasn’t wilting at all.

“The light in the last of this panel…it’s blinking.” Drax fretted, though he could not hear him. Rocket stole a breath, and yes it really did seem like stealing. Stealing more scraps of air. He’d always been prone to kleptomania, but this time was different. This time he was stealing every moment of life he could gather to him. Rocket had been hard wired for hate, conditioned for cruelty. He was created for the sole, simple propose of violent vitriol. To kill and bleed were to be his only intentions. Rocket’s mind was malformed and warped to cause destruction.  Every strand of fur left on his 4’ body had been pricked as it was pricking now, fabricated with rage and it did not take long for that rage to become real. The first emotion he discovered. Yet despite all of this 89P13 who would call itself Rocket, refused to let anguish and chaos be his destiny. Though the tendrils of those scientists still lingered in his mind long after his escape Rocket eventually let himself discover other ways of being. Groot was the first to wrap him, unwillingly at the time, in love and compassion. It was not long before the others crashed into his life.

First it was Gamora. She who quickly shoved him out of the way, pushed him aside but then who had, in her own dignified way come to look upon him with kindness and understanding. Ever since then, Rocket recalled, sniffing her scent and letting it permeate his heart they had tentatively revealed the small dark scraps of their past to one another. How a woman who had endured arguable more torture then him, had such soft hands to work his cybernetics? He had known for many years. But he realized now, as he sensed her closeness that it was because she nobly refused her abusers intent, and because after all she had gone through, she was still Gamora. She smelled of metal and of pure intentions, of a heart that had only been made stronger through struggle.

The second person to come into Rocket’s pulverized existence, was Quill. The first to show Rocket friendship, the first to see his intelligence for his own, not the result of those experiments. Peter Quill, who like him combatted a traumatic unorthodox upbringing. Rocket sniffed weakly, leather, music, cologne that was left on too long. He smelled like the ship, he smelled of home.

Drax crept along the edges of Rocket’s life for some time, but it was he who had given him the first affectionate touch, besides Groot, hat Rocket had ever known. He turned his head slowly, colors moving, blurring together until Rocket could make out the grey and red of the Destroyer’s tattoos. He smelled of awkward empathy, of sweetness buried under steele. The unassuming scent of grief lingered too. It was ubiquitous but somehow serene.

In the churning waves of his awareness Rocket could smell Mantis. She who he had been malicious towards and realized almost too late that she was the most generous of them all. She had shown him this generosity. This ability to be profoundly empathetic. Rocket had poured all his pain into her these past few months and she had never spoke against it. He sniffed, her scent was of sunlight and tears, of a breeze that caresses others but is still itself. She is so sad…comfort her…He opened his mouth to speak but only regurgitated that black metallic residue within. It seared his throat and Groot’s fingers clutched tight to him.

Kraglin sniffed somewhere though Rocket could no longer perceive where. While other senses were failing him, he could still smell. The ravager smelled of ash and dirt and familiar gun-powder. He smelled like someone still a little lost, still trying to find themselves. Rocket had faith that he would. Kraglin had borne dignified witness to both his and Yondu’s own pain; a conduit for the sorrows of the two of them. A sentinel. He had shown Rocket humility.

The we’re all, each of them more than the wrongs they’d suffered, more than the mistakes they’d made. He was more than himself. Rocket felt himself sinking now, melting against the wooden embrace of his friend. All of them together, he and Groot included had been thrown together after saving the galaxy and all of the fame and fights and laughter and joy that had come with that. They saved themselves and each other. They sowed the seeds of their hurt and grew something beautiful. Something beautiful.

“Quill,” Rocket breathed, “in the engine room under my stuff in a box there’s a twig. Get it for me would yah?” Only Peter’s cold perplexed stare answered. Rocket shuddered in Groot’s hold, another stab of malfunctioning metal tore at his sides and in his belly. He gazed up at the humie and without provocation, grasped Quill’s hand. “This ain’t like your mom alright?” He tried to blink away the clouds of shadows obscuring Quill’s dejected face. “This ain’t like Yondu.” The slim fingers tried to pull away, but Rocket’s grip was earnest. “This…this is natural,” he spoke softly, “maybe the most natural thing about me.” Quill’s mouth parted, tasting those irrevocable words.

“Rocket…” The human’s face slowly crumpled It’s a’right, I don’t mind. Rocket would’ve continued if his throat would have obeyed, it’s a’right. Everything was all right. Every squabble between them, every insult hurled or sarcastic quip. It hardly mattered now. They had, each of them been trying to come inot their own. Peter clicked his tongue in some sound between a cough and a sob. Rocket tried to grin, wearying to make his own muscles obey him. Peter did not go off to get the stick but instead looked at the raccoonoid who in turn could feel his bright helpless eyes. If Groot had saved his soul, Gamora his past, Kraglin his unease and if Drax had saved his ability to receive affection, if Mantis had saved his pain then Peter Quill had saved Rocket’s life. He had tossed the opportunity upon him for a chance to be a part of a family and even when Rocket had rejected and reacted to it with malevolence Peter still stood by. Challenging him, challenging him to be better and always there. In Rocket’s small hand, Peter held with it all that was unspoken between them.

“I…it’s okay humie,” he could barely make out Quill’s solemn nod and felt the human’s fingers slip from his. He smelled Peter depart and if Rocket lamented anything about this whole flarking thing it was only the jokes and smart bickering they would no longer share. Rocket’s sentience was not of the kind to contemplate a higher power, but whatever else he hoped that Quill would forgive himself.

“It’s….the last twig from the old Groot,” Peter’s tender voice found him a few moments later. “You saved it.” Rocket felt the thin stick in his paws. It was smooth now, so brittle and bare. He held it to his chest, clinging to it with all the strength he could muster. Around him, spores of light danced, he could make out their faint glow. He swallowed more of that nasty liquid, the metal in his back stretched his skin taunt as he curled around the last remains of his original partner.  This last shred of that which he had cherished most in all the galaxy. Well, almost, more than anything. He twisted himself towards Groot again, smelling that earthen scent of soil and rebirth. The only thing he loved more than his original Groot, was this one. He gripped the twig in one paw, and the bark of his friend in the other.

“I am Groot,” Groot bent his head low, tears of sap collecting on the raccoonoid’s fur.

Rocket sighed, yes maybe he was wilting, but he knew as he looked up at Groot that which he’d been ignorant to see the first time: Groot was that little piece of his soul he had clung to. Groot was that part of himself and to another extent all of them were. Gamora asked him once, many years ago what the old Groot had meant when he said, “We are Groot.” Rocket couldn’t bring himself to answer her then, nor did he totally undetsnd himself. But he knew now. Groot had conveyed that all of them were more than themselves all of them had toiled through treachery, defined their tragedies and loved nonetheless.  He did not fully understand then, nor could he bring himself to tell Gamora when she asked. I gotta tell them now, Rocket’s fragmented mind urged him. He opened his eyes again, savoring each of their faces as he spoke.

“You. Are. Groot.” He looked a Groot last, yearning for that familiar face to be imprinted on his soul forever, no matter what happened next. It could not be more agonizing, more lovely or perfect that then which had already happened in his life. As he fell back into Groot’s hold he knew it to be true. All lives are blotted and smudged with pain and tears, with sleepless nights and unsaid words. Indescribable feelings. But if somehow through it all you could still love others the way he’d loved Groot and eventually the rest of the Guardians, then that was truly what mattered most. And so all things go on, he realized, spinning and turning. No matter what the Galaxy stretches onward into millions of stars. The only true eternity there is. Rocket curled up tighter, nestled in Groot’s chest. His heart and soul slept, content and whole and more than anything, loved.

He did not wake. He did not have to.

[dreadnaught002]

I decided to watch Avengers: Age of Ultron again, and decided to go through and figure out what I did and didn’t like about it. So, in order of appearance...

The Good:

Let’s be real: the opening shot is badass, as most one-takes are

The banter between the Avengers is actually pretty great

That includes Iron Man, who’s usually just a dick

Cap’s magnetic gauntlet is pretty smart

The Hulk CG effects are fucking nuts

The Ultron ‘birth’ sequence is pretty great

Best Stan Lee cameo ever

The Mjolnir scene.

Ultron’s reveal is cooler than most of the movie

Ok, the whole Wakanda tease is actually pretty great

Using the shield to describe the ‘strongest metal ever’ - A+

I don’t care if Klaw is pointless, I love Andy Serkis

Ultron’s writing is kinda fantastic

The transition into Thor’s hallucination is great

Rage-Hulk being more grey-ish is a nice nod to the comics

Tony’s transition between Iron Man and the Hulkbuster HUD is great

Let’s be real: the whole Hulk v. Iron Man sequence is fantastic

Cap pulling that log apart is fucking sweet

Now that I’m watching this at home, I actually like the stuff with the Vision

“Go ahead, piss me off.” Absolutely beautiful.

OK, the Jocasta thing is another nice little nod to the comics

Alright, never mind - the Vision can use Mjolnir, I’ll allow it

I like how Ultron basically carjacks the Avengers

...and then the Hulk carjacks Ultron

Hulk hanging up on Widow makes me happy for all the wrong reasons

The Bad:

The whole opening scene is WAY too long for what amounts to ‘we got the scepter also the Twins are bad’

The Black Widow/Hulk dynamic is just...we get it, Beauty & the Beast, blah blah blah tired trope is tired

Also the lullaby thing is dumb and doesn’t make sense

Quicksilver is pointless in this movie and noticeably inferior to the version seen in the X-Men movies

As cool as Iron Man’s ‘Sentry Mode’ is, it’s strategically backwards and ultimately pointless

Scarlet Witch alters reality, not...sends people on bad acid trips

What in the fuck was the ending of that opening scene?

Why did the writers go out of their way to make Hawkeye’s shitty ‘I Have a Family’ twist work

Seriously, it’s not a good twist an they tried WAY too hard to make it work when it was never going to

Tony not wanting to discuss a world-changing AI with four of his closest friends and allies is fucking dumb

Speaking of, how did the others not notice Stark and Banner going silent for three days straight, as the montage implies?

Wait...how is one holographic projection ‘stabbling’ another?

Why is Maria Hill so...BLECH in this movie

Alright, seriously - what is up with Black Widow and her writing

uuuuuuuuuuuuggghhhhhh

UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH

...did Ultron design his own updated body?

Also, giving him a ‘realistic’ face makes him a lot less intimidating

IN SOVIET RUSSIA, WITCH SCARLETS YOU

Oh shucks, Stark weapons created a villain...haven’t seen that before

Why put Strucker in the movie if he’s just going to get killed off-screen?

Klaw takes the loss of his arm remarkably well

Ultron’s writing is kinda awful

What the fuck is going on with Widow’s day-glo suit?

The drones should not look cooler than Ultron Prime

Hawkeye goes from ‘that was cool’ to ‘oooh...no...’ in mere seconds

The more this movie focuses on Black Widow, the less I like her

These hallucinations should have been cool, but...they’re not

I just realized how brown this movie is

man such a twist who could have seen this coming

Seriously, the safehouse could have been a great cameo, but NOPE

Could have been Fury, or Asgard, or...or ANYTHING

Apparently a robot can use Loki’s staff, but...I mean...what?

FUCK WE GET IT BLACK WIDOW IS THIRSTY FOR THAT HULK DICK

“Get it, she can’t have kids. That makes her interesting, I guess!”

I love how they didn’t even try to line up the lighting in this barn scene

Oh yeah, Nick Fury DOES show up...how did I forget that? Seriously, I had NO IDEA he was in this movie and I’ve seen it before...

How much of Renner’s part in this movie was a result of him whining

If you’re going to have confusing hacking scenes and confusing mystical Asgardian scenes, can you at least not show them at the same time

What the absolute fuck is up with some of these special effects

I like how they tried to make Widow’s bike cooler by giving it these goofy “WHOOOOOOHHURR” sound effects

...did ultron just earthbend

For some reason, I find the drones’ face-thrusters absolutely hysterical

Why is this movie so damned determined to get us to hate Tony Stark?

“Hey, remember that thing that created Ultron? Let’s do that again, only this time, we’ll be using an indestructible bio-human robot thing.”

CLOTHES BEAM

The dramatic arc for this movie looks like an EKG during a heart attack

...are we just gonna glance over that whole Mjolnir thing ok yup we are

There’s a difference between making the colors in a movie bleak and making them bland

Black Widow is easily the worst thing about this movie, and she’s trying to take Hulk with her

Since when does Quicksilver get tired?

These Ultron drones explode with the force of bottle rockets

“Hi, I’m Hawkeye - let me explain why I’m pointless.”

SOME OF THESE EFFECTS ARE JUST SO GOD AWFUL WHY

“Look, she’s in slow motion! That must mean she’s cool!” no, it doesn’t

If I got shot, I don’t think I’d give the ‘c’mon man’ shrug

This movie tries to impress us with a single helicarrier...there were three in Winter Soldier, and they were fancier

Man, good thing those Ultron drones aren’t attacking those big, defenseless transports oh wait

Who is this random Shield operative, and why does he get screentime?

Why are there sO MANY DICK JOKES IN THIS MOVIE AAAGGGHH

This movie’s brand of funny only works about 15% of the time

oooh nooooo, quicksilver’s dead, what’ll we doooooooooo

I’m so sick of this movie’s lack of color. EVERYTHING IS GREY OR BROWN AND I HATE IT

“This music is quiet and somber, that means it’s sad!” no iT DOESN’T

holy fuck this movie is still going

“Humanity’s doomed, but at least we get to watch.” ...wait what

oh good hawkeye got back to his family i’m so glad

ok so is SHIELD back now? This whole thing is confusing

You know, an Avengers movie can end WITHOUT the team dramatically going separate ways, you guys

Wait, why isn’t Cap allowed to say ‘Avengers Assemble’? i hate this movie

...so, what did we learn today? I don’t know, but I’m sure glad that Whedon isn’t coming back for Infinity War.