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datninjalyfe · 4 years

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Not Without You, Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Jumping Between Memories

“Wow, what an amazing quirk!” a teacher gloated on Katsuki after his hands accidentally sparked up during class.

“You’ll be a great hero someday.” another told him.

His eyes grew wide in amazement when he first heard those words. He looked at his hands in astonishment, total bewilderment at the blessing that was now bestowed upon him.

“Your quirk is amazing, Kacchan!” Izuku told him.

Izuku had told him that twice in his life. The first time was when they were little. Young Katsuki being followed by his little Deku, who trotted behind him, telling him of his incredible attributes he already knew about himself thanks to all the other people who had told him similar things. The other was a little over a year ago during a brief fight where Katsuki had exposed his insecurities about Shoto.

At the time, Katsuki could feel that Izuku wasn’t telling him everything, especially when it came to his friendship with Shoto Todoroki. Izuku was holding a secret, something that only the two of them could share—it was irritating for Katsuki, not to know what it was. Katsuki tried to breathe through the anger and not to lash out at Izuku. Calm down, he had told himself. But he didn’t want to lose him. Not to that bastard, anyway. “Deku. I’m not just anybody. I can hold a secret.” Izuku shook his head and Katsuki’s quirk grew hotter in his chest. He felt the heat run down his arms and he quickly hugged the sides of his body, muffling the wet, warm sweat in his hands that had begun to ignite. “Hell, I’m holding the most important secret in the world for you right fucking now, in case you forgot.”

Again, Izuku shook his head. Before Katsuki could say anything to combat it, Izuku told him, “I’m thankful for that, Kacchan, really, but this is important to him!”

Important to him?! He’s not fucking serious, right?! Katsuki could feel the sweat start to drip down the sides of his torso. The heat was substantial like a furnace running through him. “To him? What about what’s important to ME?”

There were two knocks on the wall—Uraraka’s way of telling them that they were getting too rowdy. The last thing they wanted to do was blow their cover and have Aizawa catch Izuku in his room. But Katsuki was so scared of losing Izuku. He was scared of everything that he had done wasn’t enough. A slow exhale left him. He won’t leave you! It’s okay, you two will be alright. Katsuki tried to tell himself, but he couldn’t stop. Izuku’s time with him was so precious and it was already being lost. Katsuki let go of his body and sat down in his desk chair. He waited a few moments, giving his mind and body time to recover. It took a few seconds, but his hands eventually stopped smoking and he gained a little more control. “Am I not important?”

Izuku sat down on the bed across from him. They were quiet until Izuku said, “Kacchan.” he said, a little flute playing in between each letter. Katsuki melted hearing his nickname that Izuku had given him. While direct, there was also a warmth and calmness in his voice. “You are important.”

“It just—,” Katsuki started. I just want to be with you and it seems like you don’t want to be with me. Rather than say that, Katsuki decided to take a different route. “It seems like you spend so much time with everyone else. It’s not fair.” Be with me. I’m only ask for your time, Deku.

“You’re allowed to have friends. Why can’t I?” he asked Katsuki.

Even then, Katsuki could feel that there was something Izuku wasn’t telling him. He leaned back in the chair, smirking slightly, but narrowing his gaze. “It’s not just that, though. Is it?” Katsuki could feel Izuku thinking. It was a piece of Izuku that Katsuki had actually grown to love over the years: Izuku was smart, but Katsuki couldn’t help but feel that in this moment, Izuku was being more calculated and tactical rather than truthful. It didn’t encourage Katsuki. He wanted to be reassured, but feared that Izuku was just thinking of a way to strategically bullshit his way through an answer. But instead, to Katsuki’s surprise, Izuku said bluntly: “You have nothing to worry about.”

He tried to hide the tears that welled up in his eyes. I told you I’d give you my all. Why aren’t you doing the same? He closed his eyes, but he could still feel the water behind his eyelids. He sniffled loudly. I don’t want to lose you, Deku. Katsuki got up from the chair, quietly walking over to him. He lifted Izuku’s chin and gently placed his lips upon Izuku’s, a light, soft kiss. Instantly, Katsuki could feel all the tension leave him. Please, just let me love you. “Okay, Deku.” Katsuki said releasing the kiss, and wrapped himself around Izuku, holding his shoulder’s tightly and placing his forehead in the crook of his neck. He kissed Izuku’s collarbone.

“Could you make yourself warm?” Izuku asked him. “It’s kind of cold.”

Katsuki chuckled quietly and handed Izuku the U.A. jacket he was wearing. Katsuki’s shoulders were bigger and broader than Izuku’s, but Izuku’s arms were larger. Despite being fit to Katsuki, it looked great on Izuku, making his muscles bulge through the sleeves. “Come here.” he told Izuku, laying down. He held out his arm. “I’ll warm you up.” Izuku smiled, blushing slightly and laid atop of Katsuki, who pulled up the blanket. He felt his body hum as he warmed his chest, trying to isolate the heat underneath the blanket. He pulled Izuku in closer. “Better?” Katsuki asked him.

Izuku nodded. “Your quirk is amazing, Kacchan.”

My quirk…

Katsuki was almost instantly jolted back to the present. He looked up at his hands, feeling the heat rush to his fingertips. He laid down in his dorm room, on a mattress he basically threw on the floor. He hadn’t done much decorating to this room, since he was hardly ever in it. During the week, he mostly spent the nights in a small city just outside of where U.A. where Katsuki did his work study. His weekends, when he was off, was spent with various women, most of whom were just one-night stands. He didn’t bother learning any of their names, just wanted to literally get in, get off and when the morning came, get out.

It honestly felt strange to him to be back on campus on a Friday night. The woman that he had been messaging online had canceled on him and he called his boss to let him come in, Radioactive had Yoyo talk him into staying on campus.

“Bakugou, I appreciate the help, really—,” Radioactive started, but Katsuki cut him off.

“Good, then I’ll be there in an hour.”

“—no, really, we can handle it. Take the weekend for yourself.”

“I don’t understand what the big deal is.”

“Bakugou, your work ethic is admirable. But we aren’t working on anything too big right now and we can handle the work load by ourselves.” he heard Radioactive sigh loudly. “Why the hell does it sound like I’m talking to my fucking mother?! For the love of fucking God—Yoyo, tell your friend to stay the fuck home!”

Katsuki could hear shuffling in the background and only imagined Yoyo cartwheeling over to the phone before saying in a horribly fake British accent, “Hello, may I ask who I have the privilege of speaking to?”

“Yoyo, it’s me.”

“Not much of a privilege, then, is it?” Yoyo asked. Katsuki could hear him smiling through the phone. “You just finished one hell of a mission, maybe you should take it easy.” Yoyo said. “Really, sweetheart, it’s best if you just stay on campus for a night. It won’t kill you.” Yoyo pleaded.

“I—don’t want to be alone.” Katsuki confessed.

“I know, honey, but I think some alone time would do you some good.”

“Can you—,” Katsuki started before sighing loudly. “—just stay on the phone with me?”

There was silence. “Okay, for a few minutes. What shall we discuss?” Even over the phone, Katsuki could hear Yoyo thinking. “Oh! Shall we gossip about your class?”

“I did Detonation in class yesterday.”

“OH!” Yoyo said loudly, and Katsuki had to pull the phone away from his ear. “The new ultimate move Radio’s been teaching you! How did it go?” Yoyo’s voice lowered. “Was he impressed?”

Katsuki opened his mouth to yell at him, but then immediately closed it. He hadn’t really thought about whether or not Izuku was impressed with his new move. “I hope so.” he whispered to his friend.

There was a time when Izuku was impressed with anything Katsuki did. A time when Katsuki could’ve crawled all over the quirkless boy and Izuku still would have followed him. Izuku held Katsuki in such high esteem. But he doesn’t anymore. He hated being on campus alone. He hated not having anything to do. These sorts of thoughts always came back, playing like a movie relentlessly over and over again, bouncing around in his head.

He thought about Izuku when he awoke in the morning and tirelessly tried to distract himself from thinking about him for the rest of the day. For the third years mainly, since they mainly focused on work studies, most of the students weren’t on campus much. The time they did have class was rough, especially when both he and Shoto were in class with him. They both worked at Endeavor’s agency, so one or both were always gone on various missions. Radioactive was a small time, local hero but promised Katsuki he could push his quirk to it’s full potential. And he hadn’t lied. Katsuki was now able to use his quirk in various different ways simultaneously, even pushing it to detonation, a move that he hadn’t been able to do previously. Katsuki was thankful for his mentor, but also for the distraction from his thoughts.

His phone buzzed—a message from one of the dating apps: IT’S A MATCH! and a message that read: You’re the Explosion Hero Kacchan, right? He was surprised, considering Radioactive was such a small-time hero. Yeah, that’s me, he messaged back. The response came quickly, but it was a link. Katsuki pressed it and it took him to an article from a mission he had completed over last summer. It was one of his first missions with Radioactive.

“Prove yourself.” his mentor had told him. “I won’t help someone that isn’t willing to help others.”

Katsuki smirked, a smile from ear to ear. “Just tell me what I have to do.”

An explosion had engulfed a government facility. It was unknown whether villains would be there, but Katsuki was told to rescue anyone from the building without causing further injury. When they arrived on scene, Katsuki was shocked by the horror that he saw: people were jumping out of windows, their bodies covered in flames and trying to avoid being burned to death, they were killed instantly as their heads splattering against the pavement below.

“Kacchan, save her!” Kastuki heard Yoyo yell out. When Katsuki looked up, a woman that was holding on to a piece of the collapsing building had broken off.

“I got her!” Katsuki yelled back, jumping up off the ground and grabbing the woman. He gave himself a slight blast back up into the air so he would have a smoother landing. When both feet were firmly planted on the ground, he looked at her, quickly checking for any injuries. He couldn’t see any, despite the outpour of tears flowing from her eyes. Reminds me of fucking Deku.

“You—you rescued me.” She climbed out of his arms and shakily bowed, trying to be respectful. “Thank you, young hero.”

Katsuki looked at the picture in the article the woman had sent him from the incident. It was a picture that had been taken and plastered on almost every newspaper in Japan. She was in his arms, her body clinging onto his tightly. The Young Explosion Hero, Kacchan, Makes His Debut! He looked at the woman in the picture and then scrolled back to the app messages, where he clicked on her profile picture.

Same woman. Katsuki thought before clicking on chat. He read over her message: I’m not really looking for anything, but that was my sister you rescued. I really just wanted to say thank you.

Katsuki chuckled, thinking of what Kaminari would say in this situation. Something stupid and vulgar, I’m sure. But he typed out: Not necessary. An ellipsis appeared on the screen and her response came quickly: I’d like to show you my gratitude, young hero…

He truthfully thought about it. He wanted to say yes, he wanted to desperately to be in the company of someone, to have them love on him, suck him, fuck him. He wanted to have someone show them how thankful they were, how appreciative they were that he was there for them and wanted to be shown that admiration in return.

He scrolled through her pictures, trying to convince himself that he found her attractive. “C’mon…” he tried. He looked through the pictures, trying to find just one, but grew angrier the harder he looked. When he couldn’t do it, he threw his phone across the room. He cried, burying himself in his hands. Why? Why am I not over him yet?! “God, what’s wrong with me?” he asked himself, just wanting something. Did he not deserve to be happy? Did he not deserve love?

“No, I do. Fuck it, I deserve someone to love me.”

Send me an address. he finally messaged the woman. Katsuki wiped his face off, zipping his pants back up, he left his room and made his way downstairs. His phone buzzed once more with her address. Katsuki was surprised when the elevator doors opened and he saw Kirishima on the couch next to Sero.

“Hey, man, heading out?” Kirishima asked.

Katsuki thought about staying in for the night and hanging around with Kirishima and Sero. “Thought you were working on a big mission.”

“We are, but the meeting is downtown, so I’ll leave in an hour or so.”

Damn, Katsuki thought. He would’ve much rather spent the night here than providing fanservice for a one-night stand. “Yeah, I’m gonna head out. I’ll send you the address.”

After unsafe events from last year, the two gave each other their locations every time they left. “Just be safe, bro.”

Katsuki took a screenshot and waited until Kirishima gave him a thumbs up that he received the message to head out the door. He pulled out his earphones, placing one in each ear and opened the door leading outside—

and stared into the bright green eyes of Izuku. Katsuki dared not take a single breath, nor could he avert his gaze. His heart hammered against his chest, louder with each beat, faster with every second that passed; it deafened his ears, crashing hard against his ribcage, causing adrenaline to pump with his quirk, through his veins. The heat beat into the palm of his hands, dripping down into the very tips of his fingers. The two could only look at each other as sharp threads of panic darted through him. Katsuki wanted to speak, trying to force his mouth open, but as if his mouth was stitched completely shut. He said nothing, didn’t move, couldn’t move.

But Izuku just smiled, blushing slightly and said, “Kacchan.” a tiny flute playing in his voice.

The sound forced a breath that Katsuki had choked back and he exhaled a hot breath that condensed into the cold air. Realizing how tense he was, he dropped his shoulders and unclenched his jaw. He wasn’t completely relaxed, but there was comfort in the tone of that voice. It wasn’t harsh or rude; it wasn’t shaky or scared; instead, it was just a simple word, but it was so familiar and made Katsuki feel so safe, so secure in that moment. And before he could stop it, he acknowledged Izuku back with a simple, yet familiar word of his own: “Nerd.”

He felt the heat rush to his cheeks as it left the seam of his lips. He stepped past Izuku, finally able to tear his eyes away. Each step was harder than the last as he moved forward. He swore he could feel Izuku’s eyes still on him, but when he turned around and started to say, “Deku—,” but the door to the dorm had closed, Izuku on the other side of it.

Katsuki waited there for a few more seconds, just staring at the door. The heat of his quirk still raged within his body. Go after him, it told him, motivating him to walk back through the door. Icy Hot isn’t here—it continued and he took a single step. God, just say it again, Deku. He took another step towards the dorm. He wanted Izuku, needed him—

But he stopped himself. No, not like this. Turning back around, he marched away from the dorm, lightly humming to himself. Smiling from ear to ear.

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#bakugou katsuki #izubaku #bakudeku #deku x bakugou #bakugou x midoriya #katsudeku #deku x kacchan #izukatsu #katsuki x izuku #myfic #notwithoutyou #myficstay

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