#now back to this show one more ep before bed cause my head really hurts

[todayisafridaynight]

So, Ichiban’s mom isn’t Janel Monae (as in she’s not black)? If so saaaaaaaaad and missed missed missed opportunity.

if we're real with ourselves there wasn't ever really a chance ichi's mom would be anything but japanese- im more surprised at the fact she's alive lol

[lutawolf]

My Dear Gangster Oppa Commentary Ep 4

If you haven't seen my other commentary, you can find it here.

This makes me sad because what was special for Tew was the fact that Guy wasn't afraid of him. But here he is, afraid. Which clearly is upsetting to Tew.

As soon as Guy opens his eyes, they are drawn to the gun wound scar. The face that Tew gives him then...

And Guy's concern, then confusion. So much emotion in one frame.

Now they are sitting and communicating. Tew tells Guy that he didn't tell him that he was scared that it would put Guy in danger. Which confuses me because not knowing, knowing, is there really a difference in danger level?

Tew starts to explain his past and his joy of playing video game. Then his home life. While not rich, he had a loving father. Who clearly raised him right because he is so well-mannered. Oh no! Cough with blood.  

Damn... I was really hoping he would kick their asses, and get home to his dad.

I mean, we knew it was coming, but the fact that he didn't get to say goodbye. Oh damn, that really explains the previous episode where he came to meet Guy to say goodbye before his trip.

Ohhhh, Tew looks scary now.

OH! Who called it?!?!

And then he is shot!!! What!?!? I was not expecting that. Nor was I expecting the next part. I was kind of expecting him to have been forced into killing. Interesting. I wonder if Wish John Lennon was one of these kids???

So while bad boy is a rebel with a cause, he still a rebel. Then he just lays down to die.

I think it's safe to say that home dude was not thinking that day.

I think Guy gets it, but it will be interesting to see if he accepts it. He at least isn't scared of Tew anymore. Butt he more Tew explains, the more clearly you can see he is an anti-hero. Won't go so far as to call him a villain butttttt. He is no hero. Yay!!! This is my favorite type of character!

I am not sure what to think of the mob boss. He is putting a lot of trust into a kid, but he also appears to be giving him the keys to revenge. He is an interesting character to say the least.

The rules seem simple enough. No lying and no betrayal.

"Once you touch a gun. There is no going back to a normal life"

Then, Tew gives a little smirk and says that he doesn't plan on going back to a normal life anyway.

And Guy is seeing this. I think it's interesting because for some reason Tew really expected that Guy would absolutely understand. He is pretty spot on because Guy does understand.

Really Guy... You are going to be butt hurt over the restaurant lie??? I mean, I actually get where Guy is coming from. I'm just thinking it's funny to pick that after hearing Tew's story.

It apparently was not what Tew was expecting Guy to be upset about either. His face says he is completely dumbfounded. Honestly, in my opinion, Guy is latching onto something to use so he can run scared. I don't think he is scared of Tew, but of his own feelings that are happening too fast. I could be completely off base, but that's what I see from how he is acting and reacting.

Boy up in his feels getting sloppy drunk. Other boy is being emo in his bed. What a pair.

Oh, no! Boss man is not okay with the fake restaurant.

Home dude is not right in the head, is he?

I'll say it again. Mob boss daddy is interesting. He cares about Tew, but he isn't a push over.

I'm suspicious... How is a regular dude off the street not scared when goons show up???

Again, not a push over.

Now back to emo boy with his bed and his fish. Damn it Guy! That was a shit move to do to your guild!!! And his first thoughts when there is a knock at the door is Tew. That should tell you something, Guy! You're running from your feelings. Coward!

Nope. It's jackass Wahl, who I just know has something to do with stirring up shit. I know. He seems sweet, but how can he not tell that his bestie is upset??? Wahl is just too selfish for me to like him. I tried to like him, I really did, but I don't like selfish besties.

Discount Lennon out here trying to drown people.

See, I told you that Wahl was where this bullshit all started. He is being so condescending. Saying he is the most important person to him but then ditching him all the time. I really hope, at some point, Tew beats him up.

Did he drown him???

We're back to the guessing game of: Dead or Passed Out??? (If you said that in a game host voice, give yourself ten points.)

Oh! Not dead! Ohhhhh, another pissing contest in the wild!

I refuse to believe that Tew is that stupid... I hate Wahl because I feel like he is going to get a call from his gf and just leave Guy like he always does.

Ahhh... Nice. Tew planned ahead. Never mind, I take it back. Tew is stupid. Don't lie to the boss, especially not for Wish Lennon.

I don't like the fall troupe when it's Guy and Wahl.... Just saying.

Please, please, let Tew beat him up.

Yes, I agree. You need to put an end to your feelings. Oh, wow! Wahl didn't ditch Guy, but Guy ditched Wahl!!!

Sadly, though, Guy isn't answering Tew's phone calls either.

I really think that Tew should take this opportunity given to him and beat up Wahl.

The wrong person got punched! That did not go the way that I wanted.

Guy ran home. I can respect that. Except the fact that he is acting like a two-year-old. Awww, bless him. Well, at least now he is realizing that he is running away from everything.

Finally!!!

What does it say that Tew didn't stop till he found you Guy? LOVE, the communication going on. I love that Tew is calling out Guy, telling him that he feels this way and ran because he cares about him.

He called him little boy! And then gave him a real hug!!!

Ahhh, Tew confessing. Hot damn! They are making up for that shitty ending last episode!

OH SHIT.... He is going to quit the gangster life... I'm scared.

Never mind, we'll just shelve that concern for another day. Carry On. 💜💜💜

[olivieraa]

I went to bed really upset last night

I think there was a variety of factors that made me into a bit of an emotional mess after finishing attack on titan

Its like "its just an anime" or "its just a show"

Firstly, it was the anime/show that's been in my life the longest. 2013-2023. I associate a lot of my tumblr posts with the show. I called any character Kaji Yuki voiced in any other anime 'Eren' for fun. My time watching the first season is so vivid to me. I remember so much about analysing this show, and talking about it with friends.

Secondly, due to my OCD, the O stands for obsessive, and that connects to a lot of things, but its extremely hard to get me out of my Obsessive mode. I actually planned to make this rewatch last a couple of months. I was like "ah yeah Ive seen season 1 three or four times so its not gonna be that entertaining watching it again, I'll try watch a few a day". ...That didn't happen. I dont know why or how, but season 1 felt v different to me. I still got chills, I still got shocked when something happened, I would finish an ep and have the urge to scream from the adrenaline that went through me when something intense happened before a cliffhanger, almost as if I didnt know what was gonna happen next.

The reason I put off watching the show immediately after it ended is bc I'm aware this happens to me and its hard to get out of it. In my head I thought my obsessive nature wouldn't come around until I got to season 3 which I hadn't seen before and I thought I'd get to season 3 by mid-January. But from the absolute get-go, it kicked in, and from 7pm on the 21st of Dec to 4am on 26th of Dec, I binged the absolute fuck out of the show, taking breaks to do essential things like eat and shower. I barely slept.

So needless to say, I've only just come back to reality.

Third, I'm emotional af. Stories impact me on a really high scale, and I start to get stomach aches and chest pains bc of it. Esp if the story is magnificent. I finished that show last night and when I saw "The end", I was still crying, I hurt all over, and I just happened to be lucky that a friend who has seen it (and shockingly, doesn't watch anime) replied back to me and we talked about for a little bit. It helped to rant it out a bit but my sleep deprivation caused me to make so many typos and I officially had to sleep, which was hard, due to the chest pains.

And fourth, I believe what I just watched was perfection. To ever rewatch the show again, I'll see everything differently. Everything. The first 5 seconds of the show will be different. And when I'd had that realisation, I started crying again.

Like, I'm thinking of moments in the show that are literally just "characters swinging around and slashing titans" which is what the show was first known for, and now I'll be thinking "holy shit, these scenes have a bigger significance than you realise".

And for a show that's not about romance, the romantic tragedy that ties it all together, is what got me more than anything.

If this show gave off a vibe that the creator never knew where he was going with it, then I dont think it would be as impactful. As someone who loves Stranger Things, not everything ties up perfectly. And maybe the creators had an idea of their ending and then had to figure out how to get there, but it doesn't show. I've a feeling that by the end of that show, I'll be thinking that they ran through different drafts for their ending and finally settled on one and brought back a few tiny moments from the other seasons that ties it in and boom, done.

But almost every moment of attack on titan comes full circle, to the extreme point that I believe he wrote this whole thing out, almost every millimetre of it, and then released it at a specific pace up until recent years, and then obviously the anime adapted it. Yes he could have made slight changes along the way like "I originally wanted this character to say this line but changed it to this character cause it was more fitting" or something like that, but nothing that would really change anything about the direction he was heading with it.

Do I regret binging it? Yes, bc I have loads to do that I now have get stuck into with v little breaks (SnK was SUPPOSED to be my breaks), but also, mainly, bc I felt like I was there. Like when you're away from home for a month and you come back and everything feels weird and sorta wrong. So that's a learning lesson to myself. Never binge again.

Last time I did that was with Succession, but I'm just lucky that Obsessive mode kicked in about 20 eps in (so the first 20 I watched one a day), and so when Obsessive mode came in, it was for the second set of 20 episodes).

Unlike SnK where I watched almost 100 eps in 5 days :')))

Anway, I'll be thinking about this fucking show for a while, especially Eren. Especially Eren. He's just too complex, and I like to analyse, and that's some long analysation.

Also Mikasa and Levi impacted me too (Hange is my girl tho).

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I'm glad I wrote this out. My thoughts are going through my head way too fast for my typing to keep up so I've had to slow down my thoughts and so my breathing is a little better this time around lmao

I'ma miss this show, and I look forward to the day I rewatch it and take every speckle of the show in again. Knowing my ass, it'll be on my next break which is sooner than I'd like it to be, cause I know what my addictive obsessive ass is like. Ugh, I'm a wreck

[moimoimoinnnn]

Welcome ladies and gentlemen give it up for the band Hi we'Re the Ban dmy name is Jayho and this is my friend Sung Bun we are from South Korea and we will be one of Koreeas favorite band ever oR TAHT IS OUR GOAL ANYWAY WE LET YOUD ECIDE AND BE SURE YOURE GONNA JUDGE WISELY. ;) WE RECENTLY GAVE OUT OR EP CALLED WHAT IS LOVE BUT COPURIGHT SO WE HAD TO CHANGE IT TN LOVE IS WHAT BUT IF YOU AKS ME ITS ALWAYS WHAT IS LOVE ALTHOUGH I KNOW IT OK I WAS ALWAYS PLAYING LOVELY DOVELY YES I SAID TAHT IN high school i wa sthe pumpkin spiced latte said cause i was half white but im not a basic bitch and yes i said was cause i died but got chrynofrozen and tgehn unfrosen back ti life it wa surreal i was not willing to do so but hey im bakc and now i dont understand why i wasnt willing to do so in the frst place. Anwyay my single dead and then undead was really popular

gee i winder hwy sung bin not round now i am talkning tomy fans 'bro your camera is turned off

more like on Minhjoo said when he came in th eroom

eight Minhoo can you scootsh back ok this is worse than that band with more than 84 memebers and still called them 84 what a world i know right but before we could continue our intelligent conversation the bus took a turn for the worse or a u turn we grabbed our seats but no too late i hit my head we all did and woke upin the hopsital not remembebirng a athing so we must learn how to be kpop stars all over again pretty much guys

so first of all the fan service can you do taht

well since minwhioo only love himself you should ask him that if he could hey self love is important mnot this much we all said

ok so

Kim PARK

CAN YO U PARK YOUR CAR

if tah s what yo uare gonna call it then yes

night pk get going guys and os we did we practisied dancing for four hours not five thank god and sang and everything until we couldnt talk literally lol

butn ot lol my throat hurts Minwhoo cried ill help you i said Thanks Kim Kimchi

tahts not my STAGE NAME AND NEVER WILL BE well what ever my pumpkin hey no tahts the other guy

i know he said adn kissed in the air to me

i but my hand in a way

no way i was getting kisses and def no t air kisses

they were more seriosu that anything

oro should isay cheerios and im niot saying that cause i ve been paid tp but we got pur paycheddk fro mcherrios so

Anyway we were lit liek our stage all in candles teh show was lit

And the nMinwhoo told me to get to the stage room

i felt like iwas in A drama Why would you call form e so unesxpectactly

well i have a request

ok

can you become my man

on nstage

catch you and stuff we already practised that wjen i jump you jump ok i know but i mea in bed

in bed

i was not sure what he meant

ok dont be so nervous he said take of your shirt what

kome here kimchi he said and began to undress

i looked at his abs they were marvelious

i felt hugnry no thirsty well both'

i couldt stop looking i was in awe

so much so that i got a boner akward i hadnt even started to undress

its ok i know him Minwhoo said

of COURRSE YOU TOO YOU SELF LOVER

WELL I CAN PLAY FOR THE OTHER TEAM AS WELL TOO HE SAID AND WE BEGAN TO KISS AND MAN IT WAS HOT MAKEOUT SESSION MY FAVORITE KIND OF SESSION. mY GOD YOURÉ GOOD I SAID DEFIENLTY NOT BAD YOURSLEF EITEHR

I CANT BELIEVE IUT WE WERE KISSING WE WERE SO NAUGHTY BIYS I MEAN UHUM MEN ANTWAY WHO LIEKS TO PLAY NICE ALL THE TIE EITHERWAY

SO WE WENT PON AND ON AND sEUNG bIN WALKED IN WHAT ARE YO UGUYS DOIN OK OK I SEE WELL I Knew you would be close but damn you´Re reall yclosoe thats cool btw

oh man icnat believe im saying this but Sung bin your nit Sung IN this story

sayonara OK KIM kIMCHI

Hey ilove that food

i thought you loved me Minhoo said and laughed i started to laugh to o we had a fun night that night filled with joy and lauughter;)

It wa sbetetr than our band called teh band so we were the band teh band or teh band band as our fans called us

[remmysbounty]

Can you please write more Torres?? Action, fluff, angst. Even stuff for the blip and after? EP 1 inspo 🥺🥰

hehehehee boo I wonder if you might regret asking for angst... anyway ENJOY 🤍 and thank you for the request

note: I just finished writing this, and I just want to say... I apologize in advance

Tick.

You looked at your watch, one hour late.

Tock.

The waiters were now sending you looks of pity as you continued to sip your water and pick at the appetizer that had basically become your meal.

Tick.

You checked your phone, again, as you walked home. Nothing. No phone call, no message.

Tock.

The door finally opened. From the way his footsteps slowed you knew he was probably surprised by the set up. Blown out candles, the pillows and blankets all set up on the floor, and a small projector- now turned off- up on the sofa.

You could hear him making his way to the bedroom and as he opened the door, you slowly rolled over, giving him your back as you heard him step closer. The tears that you had cried when you’d arrived to an empty apartment returned in full force, and yet you kept quiet.

“Amor?” his hand rested on your shoulder and for a second you thought that he would roll you over so that you would face him, but instead he pulled his hand away and got ready for bed.

He got into bed next to you, keeping his hands to himself for once but still facing you if the hot breath you felt on your neck was any indication. You could feel him get closer and closer, and then he left a subtle kiss on the back of your neck, “Buenas noches, mi amor.”

The tears finally fell when you no longer felt his breath on you and they stayed that way the whole night.

You opened your eyes around 4 in the morning and after realizing you wouldn’t get any peace just laying in bed next to Joaquin, you quickly checked to see if Bucky was awake. His quick response didn’t surprise you and your only question was Breakfast?

When you looked behind you, you saw that Joaquin and Fish were in deep sleep. You were still hurt but you still didn’t want to cause Joaquin anymore pain, so before slipping out the door, you left him a note on his nightstand letting him now you’d gone out and weren’t sure when you’d be back.

“You okay?” You found Bucky waiting for you at the entrance of your building. His eyes clearly showing the concern he had for you since getting your text so early in the morning.

Shaking your head, you started to lead him to a diner that the two of you used to frequent when Bucky first used to call you in the early mornings.

“He didn’t show up last night,” your voice hoarse from the silent tears you’d cried only hours ago, “This is the third time he hasn’t shown up to a date.”

Bucky only nodded his head, “Did you talk with him?”

You cleared your throat as you tried to hide the tears that had re-emerged, “I was just so tired last night when he finally got in, and so hurt... He knows I’m here though, I left him a note.”

Bucky once again nodded his head and when the waitress arrived, he made sure to order for the both of you.

“So what do you have today Bucky?”

He sighed at your question, “Therapy.”

You nodded your head and let the comforting silence between the two of you continue.

As the two of you stepped out of the diner, it was like a silent agreement between the two of you, a bit begrudgingly on your part nonetheless, that you’d head back to your place to get what you’d need for the day, and maybe talk to Joaquin if he was still in.

He stared at you as you walked in. Clearly he was waiting for you, all dressed in his uniform, his boots still sitting next to him in front of the sofa.

You let the door close behind you, and unsure of what to do, you just stood there.

“Hi,” he whispered softly, “I wasn’t expecting you back.”

You shrugged your shoulders and slowly made your way to the bedroom, “I have to get some stuff before I head out.”

He grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him, “I’m sorry... about last night.”

Not once did your eyes look at his face, “Mi amor,” his voice started to crack, “I’m so sorry, I messed up I know, but please let me make it up to you.”

That’s when you scoffed, and let your anger lose, “Why? So you could leave me alone a fourth time?”

“No, no, mi amor, that was never my intention-“ you stepped away from him, finally showing your tear-stained face completely to him, “Ya well you’ve already done that three times. What’s to say it won’t happen the fourth?”

He stepped forward. You stepped back. The pain he had from hurting you was etched clearly on his face, but the pain you had because of him was marked even stronger.

“Mi amor,” his voice sounded more like a whimper now, you wondered if he realized what he was even saying. You just shook your head, shaking and shaking as you slowly made your way into the bedroom and grabbed what you needed.

He stood there, not blocking your way to the entrance but also not letting you walk away from him completely.

You knew the two of you should really talk about it, but the reminders of being abandoned every time lingered in your head, and you couldn’t relive it- at least not now. When you finally thought that Joaquin would say something, someone knocked on your door.

It was Bucky, “I knew I said I’d wait, but we have to go or I’ll be late.”

A look crossed Joaquin’s face, he was hurt, that you could tell, but there was something else there that you didn’t fully recognize and then he stepped away, giving you complete access to the door.

“You should go,” his usually smooth voice was rough.

Now you were the one to approach him, even lifting your hand up to caress his face until you were cognizant of what you were doing.

You saw his heart break as your hand dropped back to your side, and you were sure yours did the same when not a single word left Joaquin’s lips as you walked out the door.

——

Joaquin Torres: @pascalpanic @cleversturmhond @booksmusicteaandanimals @cooluncleboba @autumnleaves1991-reads @marvelouss-marvel @mischiefmanaged71 @the-and-sign-anon

[sirenprincess15]

Please Don't Leave Me Chapter 2

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Author: SirenPrincess

Description: What if Aleksander hadn’t answered the door when Ivan interrupted the war room kissing? What if Aleksander and Alina had a bit more time to get to know each other before Baghra told her his true identity? Alina is the only one who can comfort Aleksander through his nightmares. Will she leave once she knows who he is?

This story is based on the show version and features a soft on the inside, hard on the outside Aleksander with an emphasis on emotional hurt/comfort and angst. If you are looking for lots of hurt!Aleksander thoughts, then this story is for you. Mal exists but pretty much solely to cause Aleksander some angst. Don’t worry. It will be a Darklina ending.

Chapter 2 takes place alongside Ep 5 and then diverges from canon there.

Pairings: Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, bits of Ivan/Fedyor

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Grisha are oppressed in this universe, and I don’t shy away from showing the horrors of that. There may eventually be mentions of canon-typical torture (Fjerdan pyres), death of family members, and cruelty to Grisha children. It’s not the focus, but that backdrop is definitely there and comes up as characters discuss their past.

Catch up on any previous chapters you might have missed.

Chapter 2

Seeing her in the black, his color, marking her as his, well, it was going to be his undoing. Aleksander could barely concentrate on even pretending to make small talk with the king or his court. As soon as the demonstration was over, their obligation fulfilled, he couldn’t wait to be alone with her. Or was it the power she had demonstrated that was driving him crazy? She was finally showing who she truly was, and now that she was no longer trying to hide who she really was, her strength showed straight through.

No longer caring who might notice, he grabbed her hand and led her to his war room. He’d intended to make it farther toward the bed chamber, but his body decided he’d been waiting long enough … hundreds of years, truly, for an equal. His lips found hers and the spark of electricity, power, warmth that shot through him was indescribable. He tried to go slowly, to kiss her softly as she had kissed him before. When she didn’t pull away, he could not stop himself from kissing her more and more, as if he had been starving all his life and she was finally providing the nourishment his soul needed. He lifted her hips straight up onto his strategy table. Who cared if they knocked a few army markers out of place? She was responding to him, arching up into him, and everything just felt right, as if this was always what was meant to be.

Suddenly, he stopped himself. He was losing himself too quickly, and he feared that if he went much further, he wouldn’t be able to get himself back under control. “Are you sure?” he asked.

A moment of confusion flickered across her face until he spoke, and then she smiled and nodded. That was all the encouragement he needed. Her hands were all over him. Every place her hands touched felt alive, as if her hands alone could burn away the shadows in him.

A knock came at the door. She laughed and started to pull away. “Go away!” He growled. The knock came again. “Not now!” He did not care if the king himself were on fire; nothing was tearing him away from her.

Once he sensed they were alone again, he began unbuttoning her kefta. Why did the fabrikators always add so many buttons on them? His fingers deftly removed each and every one from their loops until he had her to her undershirt. He left the kefta, though, over her arms. It would be a pity to remove the black so quickly, and she would look so amazing with the kefta and only the kefta on. He tore her shirt from her. There was no way to get it off properly with the kefta still on, and he hadn’t the patience for it anyway. He pulled back just a moment to appreciate her beauty. He could have admired her for days, but his body had other plans. He pressed himself to her and felt the power flowing between them, his body calling to the power within her, and hers responding. Her warmth washed over him, through him. It took his breath away.

“Aleksander?” He was so awash in pleasure that he almost didn’t notice except for that flicker of joy he felt in his heart at hearing her use his real name. He ran his hands over her now naked chest, but then there was this flood of anxiety from her. He glanced at her with worry.

“Aleksander, could we just stop for ...”

His heart crushed inside his chest. Of course she was scared of him. He had sliced a man in half using only shadows right over her head. She had made it quite clear how uncomfortable that had made her. There was a darkness to him, not just his power but all of him, that had always been there. He was sure if he could feel her warmth radiating through her touch, then she could feel his blackness. It was so stupid of him to think that just because she was becoming comfortable with her own power that she might accept his. Her smiles and her impromptu kisses had convinced him otherwise, but of course now that she could feel the power and darkness deep within him, she was terrified. He pulled back as he inwardly chastised himself for messing this up.

“It’s okay. I understand,” he interrupted. His voice was hoarse, but perhaps she would chalk that up to his difficulty stopping himself and not the pain he felt at her rejection.

She looked at him with confusion. “I don’t think you do …”

He had gotten so caught up in the potential of their destiny--finding her, her power, the Stag--he had forgotten that she might remain horrified at what he was. “I wouldn’t want to sleep with the monster of Ravka either,” he said, hoping to reassure her that he wasn’t mad. Maybe with time, once she saw how fragile mortals were, once she realized what it was like to see everyone die around you ... “This doesn’t change anything with our plan. Please don’t think that I expect …”

“That’s not what I meant,” she interrupted him.

Now he was the one confused. “What?”

She reached out her hand and caressed his cheek. The anxiety was gone, replaced by a feeling he could only describe as love and concern. “Aleksander, I want to. I’ve been signaling that to you all night. It’s just when we started to … I realized I’ve never …” She was nervous again.

“Are you a virgin?” he asked with surprise. Why hadn’t he considered that? Had it been so long since he had tried to woo a maiden that he had forgotten such things?

“No, not that. It’s …” She stopped herself abruptly. “Are you disappointed?”

“Not at all,” he said with certainty. He reached out and stroked her hair. “You are perfect as you are.”

She leaned into his touch. After a moment, she let her concerns tumble out. “I’ve never with a Grisha … or as a Grisha … and it’s just … is Grisha sex different? Am I supposed to do something differently? My power is so greatly affected by being near you. What will that do if we’re …? I don’t want to mess this up with you.”

He smiled. Such a small worry for him to have gotten so worked up about. Hadn’t she realized she could never disappoint him? “Ahh, that. It will be different. Because I can do this,” he said, brushing his fingers along her arm. “And your power will respond to my touch. Do you feel it like I can?”

She nodded, her breath catching as she shivered in pleasure.

He looked straight into her eyes. “And your body will do that. And I can feel it. And you can feel me responding to how you feel. Before we even bring in anything else, our powers touching alone could be enough to cause orgasm.”

She kissed him passionately, urging him to return to letting his mouth nearly devour her.

“And then, just when you think you cannot hold out a moment longer, I will carry you to my bed and make your body sing.”

[leamy-world]

Some afterthoughts on The Devil Judge (spoilers for all the drama!)

Hello everyone! I hope you’re doing well!!

I wanted to write my thoughts after the finale aired because ep. 13-14 made me a mess and were too nerve-wracking! After these two episodes, i only wanted the week to go by fast to see how the finale unfolded (but at the same time, this drama entertained me sm i didn’t want it to end haha).

Watching this drama each week and reading your reactions and thoughts made me enjoy it even more, i’m glad i came back on tumblr! It was a really nice ride (more like an emotional rollercoaster haha)! It motivated me to write my thoughts and analyses on fictions i watched in the future, especially My Mister and Beyond Evil!! I forgot how much fun it was to do that and putting my thoughts into words gave me a little closure to my watch haha

These are just some afterthoughts & personal interpretations i had and were maybe probably already discussed, but i couldn’t get them out of my head haha

See you around and take care!!!

THE CAST. It left a strong impression on me and i can’t see other actors playing their respective roles!

—   Yohan portrayed by Ji Sung … i have no words, this devil judge left me speechless! His character, to his Devilish Smile (and hollow laugh in front of CKH and his son, or Gaon), his variating voice intonations (like damn, he’s a living ASMR like Lee Sung Kyung), his held back emotions and touch-starved and even desperate touches when it came to Elijah and Gaon, to his rage and unhinged moments! 

I winced seeing him contort in pain when Sunah revealed Elijah accidentally lit the church fire, and the two times he hugged Elijah totally destroyed me. His last scene with Gaon showed how gazes & micro-expressions alone could convey unspoken words as strongly. I’m weak for these kinds of scenes, My Mister for example did it and killed me haha

For this post, i rewatched some scenes and damn, Elijah and Yohan’s support of Gaon after Soohyun’s death was really emotional …

(They had no business in making Gaon have this kind of dream, those german scissors left a ... strong impression on him haha)

—   Kim Min Jung’s depiction of Sunah’s was hauntingly beautiful, a femme fatale who kept a broken child deep inside (and at the same time surfacing on her manners and personality) and a strong businesswoman. It’s a fascinating character i loved hating as a villain but still sympathized with. The scene where she murdered the former foundation’s president sent me chills down my spine (i still have her shot of her, sitting at his bureau and manipulating his speech video)! 

The melancholy slipping through her facade when she visited the mansion the first time in a while, as well as her devastation in front of the President’s scheme, by the young girl’s bed at the hospital were memorable. The tension between her and Yohan was incredible: they both managed to keep a very disturbing but enthralling aura, tangled with nostalgia at the same time each time they met.

(Looking at her reflection is a recurring pattern for Sunah’s character, i found this shot above interesting, divided in the two ends of the mirror, as if her self can’t be found on the other side anymore)  

—   This was the first time i saw a drama with Jin Young and i really loved his playing! Never thought I’d say one day i enjoyed someone’s tears and rage on screen, but his crying scenes stuck with me, especially in the prison yard and the last episode (he deserves therapy after all he went through, really) … And his letter to Elijah … (i’m glad nobody harshly revealed the truth to her, i’m really glad!)

I loved to see how his gaze evolved through this journey with Yohan. His endearment to Soohyun, Elijah and Yohan was very precious ;; Even though Yohan was the one who was first seen feeling lonely, Gaon’s loneliness since his parents’ death slipped through his seemingly fine world, i found that interesting! (And on a lighter note, i’ll always remember the truth behind Mrs. Ji’s cooking, Gaon’s epic reaction, and the pure comedy she gets to own a healthy food shop thanks to Yohan!!) 

I also enjoyed his supportive friendship with Jinjoo!!

—   Park Gyu Young’s acting was also on point! It’s really too bad she didn’t get more screen time because i wanted to know more about Soohyun!! I felt robbed haha, because when TDJ began airing, they introduced her as one of the ‘main’ characters of this story ;; The scene when she was on CKH’s suicide scene really left a mark on me + when she was confronting Yohan, especially after she took Elijah out!

—   Elijah. Just Elijah, our best girl!!! Apparently it’s one of Jeon Chae Eun’s first roles, she did so well!! Along with Ji Sung and Jin Young, she gave a whole new definition to the Domestic Scenes, i swear. These scenes will keep a special place in my heart for a long time! Her adorable smile and cheekiness were a refresher in this show!

(They could change TDJ’s concept in a second season and make us a domestic slice of life series, i wouldn’t mind AT ALL! Take my money!!)

Seeing her complicated relationship with her uncle unfold before us deeply moved me. The complete loneliness she silently depicted moving to her bed in the wheelchair, after Gaon left the mansion was heart-wrenching. And also the scenes after Soohyun’s death, hurting with Yohan seeing Gaon’s pain (the way she spoke her worry for the two of them, Yohan couldn’t let the words out properly to Gaon).

—   CKH’s character, played by Jang Young Nam, was amazing. Her acting already shattered me when i watched Nobody Knows! Her cold gaze, her harsh tone, she was badass i have to admit! 

The narcissistic rage was well depicted in her character, and even though i get where many’s opinions on her death come from (i share it too sometimes, but i feel it more for Sunah), i found this final decision fitting to the character, especially if you look how she treated her own son (each hold felt like a grip from rage eg. in ep. 3, as she maybe felt her son was the cause of her demise).

(HUGE SPOILERS FOR BEYOND EVIL BELOW!!!!) 

She reminded me of HKH’s ending: seeing his path to success was crushed with no way out of it except death on his own accord (in his eyes, because it was his absolute life aim, every single being, to his own wife and son, and means, even bending the justice independence, were his expendable ways to pave his path), HJW’s father was set on suicide before his son barged in. 

(Funnily enough, the filming spot for CKH’s house is the same for HKH’s house haha)

—   And also … Lawyer don’t-worry-i’ll-get-you-out-on-probation Ko deserves a round of applause for the best lawyer he is hahaha

THE STORY’S DEVELOPMENTS (AND SCRIPT). I feel like this story could very well have been developed on 20+ episodes! Even if i know some scenes in a script are sometimes (bound to be) cut in the drama, TDJ’s script leaks make me feel there was SO much more to be told, and so much more to explain some plot events in the airing drama!

Because the story was ambitious, both character and plot(twists which give you whiplash)-driven (and also the filming context with the pandemic), i feel like some choices were made.

The lines of thought about justice and the drama’s attempts at its ‘true’ definition are not lost on me. It was really interesting!

On a side note (there will be many, bear with me haha), the symbolic behind the app’s name, DIKE, which i’m pretty sure (correct me if i’m wrong, i only have some very rough basics in korean haha) is the korean romanization of Nikè, or in ancient greek Νίκη, the greek divinity of Victory ( ‘ㄴ’ in korean sounds like an ’n’ but its pronounciation is more abrupt/brisker, to the point of what could be sounding to ears like a ‘d’).

Nikè is most of the time represented as an attribute to other greek divinities who also embody the victory eg. Zeus or Athena, thus seen as a bestower of victory (in any domain, be it war, games = interestingly enough, the live court is set in a colosseum-like room, arts, …)  to the humanity on behalf of these gods (Nikè sometimes stands in her palm as an attribute of Athena, like the owl or the helmet). But sometimes Nikè was also revered an independent protective divinity.

Nikè is represented as a winged divinity in a long robe, flying above the victorious, assisting the humans in their works/challenges eg. handing them a laurel crown as a sign of victory, or a helmet, etc. Its mostly known representation is the Winged Victory of Samothrace (or The Nike of Samothrace) sculpture in the Louvre. The brand Nike also used it in its logo.

It calls back to Yohan’s line: « I make sure i win before the game starts », and in fact, since the beginning, unbeknownst to everybody witnessing the trials and participating to them, the app was his way to win. It foreshadows the ending of the story, Yohan finally taking down the foundation. It also adds to his god/devil image: he assumes the role of the intermediary/abyss of the « gods » (the Justice), taking in all the hubris of the society in order to bring the justice (well, guess we could say it put some hold to the cycle of the powerful culminating to chaos?) back, in some sort of catharsis through DIKE.

It might be a stretch, but Nikè’s winged representation could be found on Gaon’s tattoo (at first to me, it looked like a phoenix/winged angel, which symbolizes a ‘reincarnation’/new beginning for Yohan finding peace, a second chance to his past and Elijah thanks to Gaon & Gaon finding a new world even if his first crumbled ie. his parents and Soohyun’s death and professor Min’s betrayal).

(The whole virus plot by the end of the story made me feel a little uncomfortable given the actual context and the conspiracy theories that are spreading, but it wasn’t used carelessly and served the commentary of the powerful and how far they would go, i think? That said, a fiction, especially a dystopia like this, stays a fiction but when they used it, it gave me a forced laugh haha)

Now, if someone gets to translate some script bits, i’m really looking forward to:

K’s backstory!!!!!

Isaac and Yohan’s past!!!!

More about Elijah!!

Where’s the cat???

What was the script saying for Gaon and Yohan’s confrontation in ep. 12? When Yohan faced the window, waking up from a nightmare after Gaon left?

ABOUT SOOHYUN’S BACKSTORY. (Now, this will get long, i’m sorry but i needed to let my thoughts out haha) The drama introduced her as one of the four main characters with Gaon, Yohan and Sunah. I had so many expectations for her character! Especially from the three scenes we got of her:

➔ In the first episode, we see her save a young girl in the street from two men, looking up at the poster « A safe Korea will be realized from now on. »: it was a great introduction to the blatant lie of the ‘safe’ dystopian world that was being created in the story. It also showed how Soohyun felt in front of this insecure world. A side note, but seeing her hug the young girl like that reminded me the hugs she gave Gaon: she wanted to protect him from this unjust world with all her might (especially the scene in the restaurant where she hugs him). ➔ Her two confrontations with Juk Chang! ➔ Her dilemma and emotional turmoil when she erases Gaon’s presence in CKH’s office.

She was portrayed in the story as Gaon’s pillar since his parents’ tragic death and his moral compass. She’s the lawful citizen, despite feeling helpless to the world’s changes, who hopes it could be saved as long as the rule of law is preserved by everyone, and this begins by respecting it themselves. 

But she was not standing around and i kind of regret this was not shown more in the story: she kept doing her best in the « system », fighting from the inside the injustice hoping the little changes could make a difference someday. Because she couldn’t take Yohan’s path, in no way: the system/the law must be respected for it to be sustained. And i’m glad they addressed this point in the drama: Yohan chose to take on the role nobody wanted or even dared to assume, knowing fully well he became a criminal the second he began his plans (just as lawyer Ko said he was no longer a lawyer once he sided with him). 

This must not be glorified, nor vilified. As he said, it was a choice he decided to make. She mirrors his choices to some extent and i would have loved to see more of their interactions or her thoughts about that! And how she worked through the system to change things, her vision of the justice. They showed us the flashback of her career choice in high school, and it could have been interesting to learn more about her! 

A backstory about her saving the youth and meeting Sunah by accident would have been very interesting (given Sunah knew all about her since the beginning and ordered to kill her). Their meeting wouldn’t have foreshadowed Sunah’s plans, quite the opposite, and it would have given more ‘substance’ to her plans. We were robbed of this relationship haha! 

And of course, seeing her side with Yohan & Gaon for a short while (because seeing her team up with them all along the way could’ve been a little ooc) would have been dope. Her arresting Juk Chang while the two of them stop the gang was the closest thing we had to their teamwork ;;

Among the drama’s main focuses (the self-pity of the powerful and the never-ending cycle of their greed, the power displays it ensues which come in many forms in the system’s game), the conception of justice was developed all along the drama. It would have been really interesting to see whether Soohyun’s conception of justice could have changed in her own way!

And professor Min’s potential manipulation of Soohyun!!! Some scenes on their interactions could have been nice to see and explain why she focused solely on Yohan, the only side of the whole story she knew! Her reporting to the professor about her investigation (and him feeling she got too close to the truth) would have made sense because, as she saw Gaon growing apart from her as he was getting closer to the Kangs (especially since she saw him interact with Elijah when they invited her to the café, like Sunah saw how Gaon fit in their family at the dinner scene), she would’ve wanted to protect him without him knowing because she knew it’d have hurt him. It could have paralleled Gaon’s reports on Yohan to the professor at the beginning of the drama. And that could have explained (aside from the whole love triangle dynamics they had) her reluctance to tell Gaon Yohan was the one who told her his whereabouts when he was in danger in ep. 13 ; this scene also was one of the only moments addressing the lack of communication in their relationship. Seeing her feeling confused over Yohan could have been interesting!

(This also got me wondering whether in the script, Yohan’s injury was ever addressed.)

Also, i’m curious about her family, if the script mentions something about them: did they know Gaon?

About the loveline between Gaon and Soohyun: while the friendship could have stayed as is (it already felt pretty genuine in my opinion and strong friendships also deserve to be portrayed in stories), i’m convinced this drama wanted to set Gaon as the center of a subtext love & morality triangle between Soohyun and Yohan (and K and Sunah on Yohan’s part). I think i would’ve appreciated Gaon and Soohyun’s loveline so much more if they developed it more! And it had to develop in the very same episode she died: apart from the confession and kiss scene (i’m curious about the scene’s description in the script), the flashback of their moments, seen from Gaon’s pov, came just right in to ‘explain’ it! 

Of course it wasn’t the main focus of the story and there was already so much happening, but their new relationship development and her death almost had no impact on me even if it was set as a turning point for Gaon (and K for Yohan, as a cement to their respective decision to fight the system and how they would do it), and it made me really really sad! Of course it was a plot device (and i now wonder what would’ve happened if she or K wasn’t dead), but if it was bound to happen, the emotional impact was lessened!

Jinjoo’s character development and her relationship with Sunah happened really really fast, and i wonder how the script describes it!

Sunah’s involvement with the juvenile care center!!!  Her scene at the hospital left me really sad.

(Also, on the love plot, Gaon and Yohan jealousy bits weren’t used later as an expression of their envy towards the other’s status/life/etc. and were actually directed to people outside ie. Sunah/K/Soohyun in the plot, which makes me think they really wanted to set it as a love triangle!)

ABOUT SUNAH’S DEATH. I feel really really conflicted on this point. Her story was a parallel to CKH (and of course Yohan, i’ll talk about it below): two women — coming from totally opposite backgrounds — climbing their way up by their own means in this power circle. And despite all their accomplishments unnoticed (because they were the ones seeing through their plans while the others were mainly seen tearing each other into pieces), they could still be ruthlessly ejected from this world any day, part of it because they were belittled as women all the same, and chose to end her life on her own accord, still having agency over it. 

As someone else pointed it out, it also acts as a « poetic » retribution for her murder of Soohyun and K. BUT her exiting the scene in some other way staying alive could have contrasted with CKH’s suicide (especially since she overthrew the president who was the only one on her side getting in her way and even killed him in the end). Especially in a show that deals about how the justice can be carried out!

Of course, Yohan and Sunah were a foil to each other in their respective fights and traumatic past: the drama showed us how having someone to reach out to and protect (Elijah, Isaac and Gaon to Yohan ; Soohyun, Yohan and Elijah to Gaon) can become a driving force. Sunah, despite thinking this could be a weakness, also longed for companionship (from Yohan mainly, but also from Jaehee), and had no one to stop her crossing the line and preserve her from herself and the world. At least someone hearing her story, staying by her side and trying to understand her. 

Each time she said ‘can you be a little nicer to me?’ to Yohan made me feel for her (and also that one call with Jaehee), it was the only cries of loneliness she silently let out!

On a totally random note, i would have loved to see her interact more with Gaon (especially by the end of ep. 15, when Yohan was arrested)!

The story gladly didn’t end Yohan’s traumatic past and growth in death, but what about Sunah? In any case, Sunah was a really good and complex character, i enjoyed her character!

What about Jaehee? How did she react to Sunah’s death???

What about CKH’s family after her death???

I would have loved to hear more about Sunah’s plans as well! Scenes where she would play with Gaon for example (in Yohan’s presence or not, like at the photoshoot)! 

(This comment above foreshadowed, along with the dinner scene in ep. 11, she used him all along!)

Her involvement behind the scenes was only exposed in ep. 15 but i wanted to know more about her (motivations aside from her focus on Yohan, what did she plan to do before finding out a look-alike to Isaac, ...)! Given the elements in the plot, i get the idea she planned this whole business with the foundation first to reach the top and wanted to bring Yohan up with her (eg. leading the foundation or becoming the president) or down without her along the way, because she wanted his companionship. Maybe the script expands on it more? Did she really believe in the Dream Home project? Because as we saw her speech in the juvenile care center and her strong reaction to the youth being harmed in these schemes, i believe she kinda wanted to protect them as the best revenge on her past, because nobody could do it for her?  

THE ENDING SCENE. The ending was pretty good and didn’t give us an all-out tragedy, so i’m really glad! I still can’t believe Gaon was ready to blow his life away once he learnt Yohan’s death AND wanted to die with him (falsely) realizing Yohan wouldn’t change his mind, dead set on his decision (no pun intended!). And Yohan’s reaction to this ............... Now, their last scene is left to the viewers’ interpretation, but it felt to me like a new beginning to Yohan and Gaon’s relationship! As it was already said by many people on tumblr, Yohan wasn’t sure if Gaon would still be by his side despite it all, and he didn’t expect Gaon to feel this way. They’ll definitely meet again, it’s a promise of more in the future (especially Yohan’s nod, on the verge of tears and Gaon’s two relieved/endeared smiles, full of forgiveness). Gaon will join his new world once he’s done or they’ll come back to him once Elijah’s recovered.

And this game of hide and seek/hunt reflected their relationship development: Yohan felt unattainable at first, but he chased after him in the maze that was his devilish game, symbolized by the crowd, chasing him motivated by his suspicion, curiosity, anger and hate, disbelief and disappointment, empathy, worry, affection, desperation and love, until he finally reached him and they understood each other among all the crowd, living metaphorically in the same time, facing each other on the same (ground) level.

(A scene in the first episode, Gaon seeing a maze of Yohan’s reflections, maybe symbolizing he could not see through his facade in the beginning, being an enigma to him at first sight ; the choice of the reflections in the mirrors through the drama is interesting and reflects the story: depending on the angles, a story can hold as many meanings as there are points of view, the complete image surfacing once everybody’s story is told)

(Just like how, in ep. 4, Yohan shows Gaon the wicked system right under their noses, Gaon’s enraged and confused gaze directed right at Yohan after they all block his view by clinking glasses ; Yohan hoped he would understand what lies beneath but Gaon understands it fully through his own past in ep. 7-8)

(The crowd is cleared from their/our view in the final scene, leaving the two of them facing each other without any obstacle/reflection on their path)

Gaon kept Yohan’s watch all the time even in moments of doubt, sorrow and rage (the best PPL in drama history so far haha), Yohan finally got to Gaon and entered his world as Soohyun did, reaching out when he needed it the most, to stop him doing something he would regret deeply. It was symbolized by the scar he got on his left hand from preventing Gaon from stabbing him (that’s also why he caresses his scar in a bittersweet way, lost in thoughts, reminding him of their last meeting).

As @i-guess-it-rains said + according to the BTS’ editing (it passed off as a joke but i can’t erase it from my brain now haha),  the way the scene where Yohan defused Gaon’s bomb was framed looked at the same time like Yohan was also carefully handling Gaon’s heart (the bomb countdown clock radiating a red glow on his chest), on the verge of exploding. Now i have The Nights lyrics in my head haha (« My heart is going back to you, i just don’t know »)

On another note, i realized that in ep. 12, after Gaon left, he’s seen trying to call Soohyun in order to reach for her since their last confrontation, but right before, his finger glides over his contact, hesitating on Yohan’s contact before choosing to call Soohyun.

While in ep. 8, he only reaches out to Soohyun after his breakdown in the prison yard (without thinking to call Yohan because he was in the core of his doubts and pain at that time and needed space to reflect on all the events):

And it parallels to Sunah attempting to reach out to Jaehee in her loneliness at the top, hesitating before deciding to call her.

Now i hope TDJ will be on Netflix! It’d be very nice to get to watch the drama in high quality and have more people to see it!

I heard it got a webtoon adaptation so i also look forward to it once it will be translated!

A SECOND SEASON? When i first saw the ending, i thought it got wrapped up nicely and didn’t « need » another season, but it also left some parts open and laid out a new background for further developments (the system repeats itself but in another form, Yohan leaves the scene with his signature smile, maybe up to something else again, saying metaphorically or irl to Gaon he’ll come back if he doesn’t do well), kinda like Stranger/Forest of Secrets s1 or The Guest ending (the corruption doesn’t end there). I also heard it got high viewing rates in SK, so maybe it will be taken into account? And well, i’ll miss the cast so i would welcome the idea haha

THE SOUNDTRACK. The whole OST was stellar (and their titles are on point really!)! Getting to hear it without voices or noise over and with my headphones on made me realize it was even more beautiful! Because I Have You, Warmth That Melts Loneliness and If Only… are the end of me (especially If Only aaaaaaa)! Don’t get me started on Enemy of Truth’s title to the OST playing for the church fire because it’s devastating ;;;

If Only’s title … It leaves us filling in the blank space, the dots to Gaon’s thoughts when he learns about Yohan’s past and how it impacts him to this day.

The 4 songs were amazing (there’s also Different from the Outside but i still didn’t get its lyrics). Tempest was definitely etched in my mind as TDJ’s main theme haha And The Nights was my favorite!  

➔ Tempest was Yohan’s iconic theme and depicted his lonely path to revenge after the tragic events in his life, and his (fated) encounter with Gaon, how deeply it will change him in this journey in ways he didn’t expect. It perfectly introduces (with Chet Faker and Flume’s Drop the game) and concludes the drama!

➔ What you gonna do was THE revenge epic song making everyone revel in the ‘bad guys’ despair and Yohan’s badass moves! 

➔ The Nights felt like it was both Yohan and Gaon’s theme and Gaon’s sorrow after Soohyun’s death: at first i thought it was only Yohan’s, but his revenge and the last episodes proved me wrong! The song’s lyrics mirrored themselves (‘my/your night shines on you/me’), as if a complete understanding between Yohan and Gaon was found on their dark road. Yohan’s night shines on Gaon: Yohan’s broken past and all his misunderstood or hidden sides, his dedication to Elijah. Yohan’s rage (almost wrath since the biblical and god symbolism are there haha) and desire to take the inique system down waked Gaon’s own rage, buried deep inside, and made him move forward too. Gaon’s night shines on Yohan: all the time he spent with the Kangs, Gaon’s deep empathy and understanding, helping him reconnect with his niece, their dinners at night, his rage exploding when the truth about his parents was revealed, his desperation on the last two episodes (in ep. 15, seeing Gaon’s realization everything was a lie and Yohan was innocent, and in ep. 16, Gaon wanting to die by his side). Gaon’s night also shined on Soohyun, who wanted to protect him with all she got each time she saw him crumbling down.

There was still light on their dark road (which looks like a callback to Nightmare’s lyrics, « Save me from myself / Save me from this darkness that has lost its light »).

➔ Nightmare felt like it was Yohan and Sunah’s theme. When it last played when Sunah’s death happened on screen, it left me speechless (and if i remember correctly, the ‘save me from myself’ bit was played right when she shot herself … o u c h)!

[leftonraed]

The Night We Met - Episode 6

pairing : Taehyung x OC   genre : bodyguard!au, singleparent!au, idol!au   word count : 4.1k summary — It doesn’t look good for Taehyung and his niece when his brother’s in-laws come visit them. Prologue | ep.1 | ep.2 | ep.3 | ep.4 | ep.5 | ep.6 | ep.7 

“I told you you didn’t have to stay home today,” you hear Taehyung tell you when he comes out of the bathroom. “I don’t want to ruin your week when I don’t have to go anywhere.”

He pauses in the entrance corridor where you’re standing almost at attention. You look up at him and can feel some uneasiness on his behalf when you don’t move an inch.

You speak calmly. “You’re not ruining anything.”

He frowns,powerless and opens his mouth without really knowing what to say back. He slowly walks away in the kitchen.

“Want me to make you something?”

You shake your head. Seeing him confused and trying to find some meaning behind your attitude is somewhat amusing.  

He pauses again.

“Come sit with me… I’m barely awake but you’re stressing me out.” You indulge him. He frowns to himself, “don’t make me order you.”

You sit at the end of the couch. “Thought you’d like it...”

“Huh?”

“Nothing.”

You both hear Hina toddling out of her room. Her usual toothy grin is absent this morning and it immediately thought-provokes you both.

She doesn’t look up at you but stops a short moment to hug your knees as a compensation. You watch her shuffle her way between Taehyung’s legs with a pouty face.

“Morning sweetheart. You okay?” He cranes his neck down to get a look at her face pulled back downward. “What’s wrong? Feeling sick?”

Your eyes show little worry.

“You tummy hurt?” He asks again when she rubs her stomach. She nods a little, turns around and lifts her arms to have him hug her. He traps his slice of bread in his mouth, rubs his hand and picks her up on his lap. “Want this banana? It’ll make you feel better.”

She accepts to be fed with little zeal but eats anyway.

******

Taehyung has noticed your unusual quiet behavior which has now endured the whole past week but he doesn’t comment on it. He senses you alert but isn’t sure about the reason behind it. His attention is fully directed to his niece, taking special care of her as she thankfully seems to get better quickly.

You’ve been left alone in the living-room for a while. You look at the door when the doorbell rings and stride towards it confidently.

You swing the door open with too much force, taking by surprise Hwiin who’s standing on the other side. You frown a little at her when she smiles at you eerily. You shift to let her in.

You walk past her and sit down again while she remains standing, looking around to localize anyone else.

Luckily, you both don’t have to keep up with an awkward silence when Taehyung shows himself a couple of minutes later. You don’t pay attention to them as they start conversing about whatever brought her here.

You find yourself looking at her two or three times before you eventually decide to walk away and check on Hina.

“This seems like a lot, to be honest,” Taehyung admits looking at the screen right in front of him. “I’m barely keeping up with Hina and her school schedule.”

Hwiin’s smile doesn’t falter. She leans in and gently puts her hand on his arm. “Trust me, those interviews and shows overseas are much needed after your successful comeback.”

“I thought they’d be enough, you know, given my previous absence.”

He meets her fairly subtle gaze, sensing its pleading. It used to work much more easily before. He runs his finger in his hair, breaking touch with her but gets her all the more captivated with his casual demeanor and bare face.  

“You cannot just rely on local activities, it’s an opportunity not to miss. And I’m sure your foreign fans will be so grateful. It’s been so long.”

He leans back in the chair, grazing his bottom lip with his teeth. He can’t say he doesn’t miss them just as much.

“We’ll take care of…” She looks down, frowning as she looks for her words, “adjustments later. Please give your green light.” They lock eyes. She grins an innocent smile, “trust me.”

The dilemma is very clear but his hesitation also emphasizes his excitement about touring abroad again.

He lets out a deep sigh, covering his face with both hands, “I can’t believe I’m saying this but… okay. I’m down.”

He hears the excited squeal that escapes her.

“You won’t regret it.” She says delighted as she nimbly taps an answer to an email on her tablet computer and puts some order in the several open documents. “Okay,” she brings the device back in front of him and quickly resumes as her way not to lose momentum. “I also needed you to take a look at the new merchandise…”

Sitting with your back against the wall with Hina’s head on your lap, you’re gently combing your fingers through her silky dark hair. You’re starting the reading of the second book when the bell rings again.

Taehyung frowns at the door.

“Are you expecting someone?” His manager inquires as he carefully stands up.

“No…” He trails unsure. She watches him take a look at the intercom to identify the visitors. His frowning deepens. “Yes?”

“Hello, mister Kim?” A female voice says.

“Yes?”

“I am Seohyung Choi from the Seoul Council.” She continues, “our agency received a call from someone concerned about- I believe if I understood correctly your niece, Kim Hina. I would like to discuss it with you.”

Hwiin doesn’t say anything and can feel alarm overwhelming Taehyung.

“Uhm-...” His pulse picks up in speed and his mouth feels dry. “I don’t understand, I-”

“There is nothing to be worried about,” Seohyung reassures him. “I simply would like to ask you a couple of questions about you and your niece, if that is possible.”

“But I- we don’t have any issue here. I me-”

“Let her in.”

Taehyung looks over his shoulder when he suddenly hears your voice.

“I’m not-” He stutters, wondering if you knew about this. “I don’t know-”

He’s panicked and your heart squeezes at the sight but you don’t dither.

“Let her in. Go change quickly. Don’t worry.”

He takes a deep breath and looks back at the intercom. “Uh.. Come in.”

“Thank you.”

He dashes to his bedroom and starts looking for clean clothes with shaking hands. He barely gives himself the time to look at his reflection to ruffle his hair. He thinks of checking on Hina who’s quietly looking at the pictures in the book you were about to read and decides not to bother her.

You watch Taehyung giving quick looks around the penthouse to make sure it is not too messy before he joins you back in the corridor leading to the entrance.  

“It’s going to be okay,” you say softly only for him to hear.

His eyes are glued to the door. “I don’t know why… I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know. You’ll just be answering some questions. Don’t worry.”

He doesn't know how you’re doing it but the calmness in your voice manages to sooth his nerves a little and he remembers to breathe somewhat normally.

“Should I come later?” Hwiin interjects standing up, making you and him turn your heads in her direction.

“Y-you can stay. It’s fine.” Taehyung trails while staring back again at the door. He mutters to himself, “everything’s fine.”

You step back behind and wait.

He pauses right before opening the door. A woman around her mid-thirties walks in with a warm smile and you let out a relieved sigh at her seemingly likeable air, thinking it’ll help him feel less stressed.

She takes off her shoes, smiling at you and Hwiin when she sees you two.

“Please, come in. This is ______, our bodyguard and here, Hwiin my manager.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” she grins and you both return the gesture. “You’re home is so lovely inside.”

“Ha, thank you.” He smiles shyly. “Uhm- w-would you like something to drink?”

“Oh don’t bother yourself. I’m good, thank you.”

A very brief instant passes by with everyone being quiet. You look at Taehyung.

“Maybe we should sit down.” Seohyung suggests, smiling to herself while Taehyung leads the way to the dining table with an embarrassed look, shaking his head as a way to get a grip.

“Is Hina here?”

“She’s playing in her room. Should I bring her?”

“Oh don’t. It’s good this way since I’d like to discuss with you first.”

You let him on his own not to cause any kind of extra stress and decide to keep Hina company. Taehyung notices and feels relieved you’re taking a weight off his mind. Hwiin has moved her belongings to the couch where she feigns focusing on her work.

********

“Where are you going?” you ask Hina.

“With daddy…” She pouts at you because of your sudden serious tone.

You stand up from her bed to peek outside her bedroom. Taehyung and Seohyung have left their seats and he is now showing her around.

“Okay, you can go.”

Hina walks away on her tippy toes. You see her hesitating on her tracks at the sound of an unfamiliar voice. She freezes when Seohyung crosses her path.

“Hello, you.” She crouches at her height, slightly shaking her hands. “Your name Hina’s right? Can you show me room?” She lets out a chuckle when the little girl forces her way between Taehyung’s legs to hide herself behind.

“It’s down the corridor.” He informs her when she stands up.

You walk out to let her in and lock eyes with him. He seems a lot more comfortable but gives you an interrogative look. You settle for a small supportive smile and leave them alone.

Hwiin naturally looks up at you when she feels your presence. Her mood seems to have changed.

Seohyung smiles your way when they come back. She and Taehyung sit down with Hina perched on his lap. She finishes writing down notes on her report.

“Alright, I didn’t see anything worth being raised about your household. Beside that one outlet and the window in the bathroom like I pointed it out earlier.”

Hina whines when she drops her soft toy, signaling Taehyung to get it back.

“Otherwise, it seems very secure for little Hina.” She smiles at her while Hina baby talks to her plushy. Taehyung keeps all his attention on the woman. “I’ll send you an email with all the documents needed so I can complete your dossier.”

“Alright.”

“Do you have any specific questions? Something I can shed light on?”

“I don’t think so, no.”

“Very good. Here, my contact information if something comes back to you.”

“Thank you.”

She bids her goodbye to everyone before Taehyung shows her out. You take one last glance at Hwiin whose face has turned expressionless.

*******************

You’re waiting outside the dressing room with Hina half-asleep in your arms.

Taehyung just finished performing for a show and is now discussing alone with Hwiin as she’s requested. The chair you’re sitting on has been positioned not too far from the door so you can hear it immediately when their conversation becomes heated although you can’t decipher their exact words.

The door opens a short while later. When you look up, Taehyung seems to try his best to keep himself calm. You don’t see Hwiin follow closely.

“Give her to me,” he says quietly with his arms stretched towards you. You stand up and let him hold Hina. He’s wearing the clothes he first came with so you grasp he’s ready to leave the building.

The ride back home is quiet.

He puts Hina to bed and goes shower after telling you to order dinner from his phone. You take it where he left it on the counter on his way in, unlocking it without difficulty since he didn’t set a password.

When Taehyung walks out, dressed in a simple black shirt and grey sweatpants, freshly cleaned but visibly exhausted, you are unpacking the few last dishes.

You start eating, letting the TV fill in the silence between you. You don’t mind being quiet, it just feels off when Taehyung seems elsewhere and it indirectly has you looking for ways to bring him back.

“Hey, you’re not eating that?”

He blinks and automatically hands the chicken wings left in his box.

“I’m not eating if you want it,” you smile faintly.

“I’m full you can have it.” He trails with a small pout and you take his box.

“Don’t look so dejected or I’ll lose my appetite too.”

He lifts his chin to look pensively at the small frown on your face as you bite on the food. “Sorry.”

“You want to talk about it?” You cock your head towards him, attacking a second wing.

He remains quiet a moment and you think you should’ve as well when you see his face gets darker.

“I feel abandoned.” He begins quietly. “It’s like everyone wants me to give up on the idea I could be good for Hina and it’s putting me off.”

Your lips part but you’re not sure if you mean to talk. You wipe the grease off your hands with one of the wipes given by the restaurant.

“I keep asking myself why no one’s seeing the efforts I’m making for this to work. It’s not fair... Just because I’m not practising the kind of job they think is more suited for a family life? It’s not fair...”

It really isn’t, you think. You never thought you out of all the people in his life would be among the few supporting him. You wish you had a say but you’re only left with encouraging words to repeat yet again.

You naturally reach for his knee, squeezing it a little. “I think they know you’re doing a great job. For some reason, they refuse to accept it.”

“They think Hina’s maternal grandparents would provide a more stable environment. I don’t want her to be taken away, ______.” He groans with a weak voice.

You feel a pang of sorrow when he blinks his teary eyes at you. You detest when you can’t find anything to do that could help. You reach for the second wipe, tear it open and unfold it.

“Even if they do,” you inch yourself closer to clean the stains of the dipping sauce off his mouth and explain with a soft voice. “You won’t give up on her. Because you know, it’s the right thing to do. And if you don’t, you’d prove them right.”

Taehyung quietly fixes his gaze on you with tired eyes, replaying your words in his mind. You remain silent as well, squeezing the dirty wipe in your fist, and find yourself glancing down at his lips irregularly.

Before you can feel drawn to each other even closer, you back up until reaching an appropriate distance from him and begin cleaning the table, looking away. “You should go to sleep.”

************************

Taehyung tried his best not to look too dispirited the following weeks until the day he received a mail stipulating Hina’s maternal grandparents showing themselves as the better option for her at this moment in the eyes of the court.

You couldn’t help but think it had to do with the sudden change in social workers.

You close your hands around the cup of hot tea you just made herself, eyes riveted on the grey winter sky.

You get snapped out of your reverie when you hear one of the stools being dragged as Hina tries to climb on it. Your eyes soften at her when she gives you a victorious smile and settles on her seat to eat her snack prepared by you. It’s almost dinner time but Taehyung doesn’t care.

He dressed her in a beautiful dress, you wouldn’t dare to guess the price of it.  

Taehyung joins a little after with a matching hair band in his hand. You don’t look at each other. He carefully combs her hair and places the accessory. He sits down between you and watches her eat in silence.

He props his hand on the table to rest his head on. You don’t mind him hiding from you.

“We going to the zoo again? Let’s go to the zoo.” She blinks her big eyes at him.

He combs her bangs away from her eyes and wipes his nose with the back of his hand. “Wanna go see the animals?”

She hums positively and nods at the same time bringing her eyes back on her brownie. “They don’t bite, daddy. They nice.”

Hina stretches her tiny hand to feed him some of her snacks and lingers her gaze on him for a second, thoughtful.

“We going with ______ too.”

You look away from her and lower your head.

He cleans her mouth with his thumb and jumps a little when the doorbell rings.

“I going! I going,” she chirps, jumping down from her seat with his help.

A shaky sigh that escapes him. You gently grab his forearm, addressing him with a supportive look before you both walk towards the door.

You stay behind. Hina’s now able to graze the doorknob when she stretches on her tiptoes. You wonder if this is how she looked right before you first saw her. Your face darkens.

When he opens the door, you recognize the new social worker joined by her grandparents. Everyone’s eyes on the little girl who seeks comfort behind Taehyung as she peeks up curiously.

“Hina,” calls softly her grandmother with her open arms. “Come say hi.”

She doesn’t move, tightening her grip on his pants. He pats her head while her grandmother keeps beckoning her.

“Go say hi to grandma.”

After a couple of seconds, Hina walks slowly towards the elderly couple to let them kiss her as they exchange a couple of words. Taehyung walks away to get a bag with all of Hina’s belongings.

You don’t know where to look. You try not to stare as he crouches down at the doorstep. Her grandmother tries not to look too affected when Hina hops back in his arms.

“Hina you’ll go to grandma and grandpa’s house, today.” He trails softly while putting her coat and small beanie on for her. “You’ll go with them for some time and then I’ll come see you, all right. Here, don’t forget your gloves… It’s snowing outside.”

“You coming with Hina?” She asks after fetching his black knit cap from the sideboard for him.

He takes it from her, ignoring the tightness in his chest. “No, baby. You go with them. I will come after.”

Her frown deepens as she shakes her head unsatisfied. “No, no. I stay with daddy…”

“Hina,” her grandpa’s voice earns their attention. “There are a lot of toys back home. Don’t you want to go play with them? There’s a big princess castle built an-”

She turns away to hug Taehyung’s neck, shaking her head again.

“Hina, we should go now. Come.”

He can’t help but tense at the authoritative tone the old woman uses. She goes to grab one of Hina’s arm and forces her back up on her feet.

She starts whimpering and her eyes get teary.

“Let’s try not to linger.” The social worker interjects suddenly, backing away to prompt their quick departure and get settled with it rapidly.

You look their way. Hina brings a clothed hand to her face and rubs it when a tear slides down, naturally recalling what Taehyung always told her when she’d fuss. He stands up with his head hanging and she cranes up hers to pout at him and her grandmother, baring her grief.

“Let’s go,” her grandfather prompts after taking the bag from Taehyung.

Hina drags her feet, looking back as she’s taken further and further away from him. You join Taehyung rooted in the corridor. He sniffles at the gut-wrenching sight.

“Don’t break down in front of her.” You say quietly, seeing her one last time before they turn around the corner.

He looks down at the black beanie and closes his hand tightly around it. Her crying is weaker now and Taehyung can't hold it back anymore.

You walk him back in and barely have the time to close the door before he slowly grabs onto your body, hugging you to him, seeking comfort.

You freeze in surprise a quick second and slowly lower your hands on his back, listening to him sobbing in your neck.

“Please, hold me.”

You squeeze him hard, clenching away the tears blurring your vision.

***********************

You indulge him when he asks you to spend the night in his bed, allowing him to curl in your embrace as he cries himself to sleep.

The following day, he hopes to see you still by his side but finds the other side of the bed, cold and empty.

He didn’t rest that night and the note you left on his bedside table had only awakened a headache he would’ve done without. What he reads doesn’t surprise him, Hina had been taken away from him and so did your professional duties with you.

Hwiin cannot hold back the delight of having him to herself again, steering him towards whatever she thought advantageous for him and mostly for her.

She didn’t take in account the other side of the coin. As pliable as she got him to be, his demeanor was left out of her reach.

Taehyung does the bare minimum expected from him on tv shows and interviews, he still gives his all during performances but they’re lacking and soon, Hwiin is brought to deal with unhappy and worried fans who do their utmost to discover the reason behind his dull self.

Taehyung becomes withdrawn not only around strangers but also when he’s with his parents, friends and even when he’s left alone with her  and she doesn’t stand it. She hates to witness him become the ghost of himself and this would only lead them to their downfall. Her feelings for him make it all uncomfortable.

****************

As for Hina, she isn’t doing any better.

Her grandparents have a hard time getting along with her. She’s not lacking anything but they fail filling in his absence. She struggles to get familiar with her new surroundings and their strictness does nothing but nurture her fear of them.

Her change of mood doesn’t go unnoticed by her school teacher but even her doesn’t manage to make her talk.

“This can’t go on,” her grandfather grunts sitting down on their bed, facing the window. His wife remains quiet on her side. “This isn’t benefiting any of us.”

“If she goes back with him, we’ll never be part of her life.” She places the comb back on the bedside table. “She’s everything we’ve got left of our precious Yuri.”

“Let’s not put a wall between us and him.” He reaches back when he feels her slipping beneath the sheets. “We’ve got to admit he did a good job raising her all this time despite his lack of experience… We’re not this patient anymore... It pains me to see Hina like this. We should think about it.”

She doesn’t answer and he turns back to look up at the night sky.

I hope you forgive us, Yuri.

***********************

It takes a month to Hwiin before she decides to visit mr and mrs Hiroshi. The wind is harsh on her skin as she climbs up the slope leading to their house. She tries to block the cold as much as possible, tilting her head down in the collar of her coat and ends up bumping into someone coming in the opposite direction.

“Sorry,” she apologizes instantly but the person doesn’t acknowledge her, hidden under a large hood. She stops a second wondering if they come from their house since the path doesn’t lead anywhere else but hurriedly picks up her walk again.

She pushes the intercom button but notices from afar mister Hiroshi outside sweeping the pathway from the outside door to their house.

“Hwiin, isn’t that right?” He recalls after walking up to her and greeting her. “What brings you here in this awful weather? You’re going to catch a cold.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she trails embarrassingly as she tries to think of ways to formulate her next words. “I’m sorry to bother you but I’ve come to talk to you because of Taehyung a-”

“You here to convince my wife to have Hina go back to him, aren’t you?”

“Uhm- y-yes, yes.” She blinks a little taken aback. “I- I”

“Well, you’re running a little bit late.”

She stares back, confused.

“A young woman around your age- very charming and polite by the way- just came by with the same motive. You probably saw her, she left a couple of minutes ago.”

Hwiin looks behind her, pensive. “Did she?”  

/////////////////!\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Feedback is much appreciated Reblog if you wish to read more

[starlost-andfound]

we’re still okay // d.j.s

Inspired by the song ‘Track 9’ by Alexander 23

Summary: Daniel loves making music. The lyrics, melodies and harmonies are all like a language to him. When he was with you, all he wrote about was you. Now that you’re gone , the language that was once native to him has suddenly become foreign.

W/C: 2.077 K (Approximately)

Warning : Angst, implications of death of a loved one

A/N: Hi hello, please listen to ‘Oh No, Not Again!’ the EP by Alexander 23 because it’s a masterpiece, please and thank you.

Hey

It's been a while since we've talked

Daniel sighed quietly, staring at the wall across him in his room. The dark room, illuminated by a soft glow of the sunlight peeking through the blinds. He cuddled her pillow close to him, the remains of her scent, barely there. Recently he had been spending a lot of time in his room, in the dark. His sight had begun to adjust and he immediately picked on the form of the picture frame on his desk, an image of him and his lover looking back at him.

He sighed shakily. He turned away from the picture he loved and hated with a burning passion, as the sound of the door opening caught his attention. He turned to see his visitor. His brother, Christian shuffled into the room.

“Hey buddy,” he smiled softly. Daniel turned back around, facing the wall again. His lips trembled and he shut his eyes tightly, holding in his tears.

“I made breakfast, if you want to come out and eat.”

Silence.

Christian cleared his throat, “You haven’t eaten, Daniel. I know you're hurting but-Please, just eat something. Do it for me, at least.”

When he got no response, Christian sighed. He picked up the dinner plate on Daniel’s bedside table, the food untouched and cold. When the door finally shut, Daniel sighed in relief, a quiet cry leaving his lips. He pressed his face into the pillow, the cloth, absorbing the stream of salty water as it fell.

His fist gripped the pillow as he tried to quieten down, muffling his soft whimpers. He gasped for a breath in between his cries, his hands furiously brushing away his tears. Daniel cursed under his breath, pulling himself out of bed and shuffling to his bathroom where he splashed his face with cold water. He stared at his reflection, pain and sorrow etched in the bags under his eyes and red cheeks.

I see you made it all the way to "Track 9"

So thanks

For listening to all my thoughts

I used to give 'em to you straight

But now you wait for the release date

Recently, Daniel spent a lot of time in his room, so when he stepped out of his room that afternoon, the surprised looks from his brothers didn’t go unnoticed. He ignored their failed attempts at subtle stares and headed for the kitchen. He rummaged through the fridge, searching for something to eat.

His appetite sparked at the sight of an apple and he picked it up, snatching a bite of it as he closed the door and walked back to his room.

“You wanna watch with us?”

He stopped and turned to his brothers who sat and watched The Office on the TV. He gulped, looking at the screen and back at his brothers. The Office was her favourite show. He swallowed the bite of the apple he had taken, the piece hurting to swallow with the growing lump in his throat.

Daniel stormed back to his room as tears pricked his eyes and he slammed the door shut, resting his head against the cold wood. He took a deep breath in and exhaled. You should have just stayed in your room.

He didn’t come out for dinner that night, just like the previous few nights. Just like the last few nights, Christian or Tyler always passed by his room to give him his dinner. His head perked up from his bed as the door shut behind him and he craned his neck to see what was on his plate that night. Mac and cheese and nuggets, his favourite.

“Why is that the only thing you eat?”

Daniel looked up from his plate with a smirk on his face, “What do you mean?”

Y/n grinned, “Baby, you practically live off mac and cheese and chicken strips!”

Daniel giggled, “Nuggets, babe, gotta get it right if you’re going to call me out.”

Daniel sighed, closing his eyes and resting his head back onto his pillow. His hand reached out for the pillow next to him, tugging it closer. He rested his head against it, cuddling it close to him. He inhaled, smelling her fading scent. He almost finished using the perfume in her perfume bottle. The shop didn’t have any more in stock.

And you're probably wondering where are all the songs about us?

I hear 'em in my head, but I can't write 'em down 'cause

Once the pen's to paper, then it's really, really over

And I'd much rather pretend that maybe we'rе still okay

Daniel tiptoed across the hallway and into the living room. He walked past a sleeping Kobe with a soft smile and opened the backdoor, shuffling to the studio. His nose tingled at the stuffy air as he turned on the lights in the room. His finger swiped across his table where his music equipment was laid out, picking up a layer of dust.

He pulled out his chair and sat on it with a sigh. Daniel reached behind his computer, pulling out a journal, his song book. His hands delicately flipped through the pages, stopping at his last song in progress, the unfinished lyrics singing back to him in his mind.

“What you working on, baby?”, two arms wrapped around Daniel’s shoulders from behind and he turned his head to see y/n.

He pecked her cheek, “Just a lil something.”

Y/n smiled and kissed his shoulder before resting her head on it, “Can I see?”

Daniel nodded, passing his journal to her. Y/n skimmed the contents of the page as Daniel briefly explained he had yet to finish some parts. He noticed the soft blush which tinted her cheeks when she looked up at him again. “Is this….about me?”

Daniel smiled bashfully, “Maybe?”

“You wrote a song...about me?”, y/n repeated.

Daniel nodded and scratched his head, “Everything i write is practically about you….do you um..like it?”

Y/n looked up at him , frozen for a second before wrapping her arms around him tightly. “I love it so much, and I love you.” She looked up, a lovestruck smile on her face, “I love you so so much.”

Daniel pressed his forehead against hers, their noses brushing together, “I love you too, my love, forever and always.”

She never got to hear the song. The lyrics, melodies and harmonies remained unseen, unheard. A song meant for his lover,  that was so abruptly cut off by a sudden loss. It didn’t seem right to finish a song for someone who would never get to hear it. Daniel’s vision grew blurry and he wiped his eyes. His fingers brushed across the lyrics on the page, and he closed his eyes, imagining she was here.

I really hopе that by the fall

We'll find the peace we're missing in the missing pieces

Oh yeah

And I hope we look back at this song

As the beginning of the rest

And not the ending of the mess

Days when they had picnics at the park in their hidden spot, were always Daniel’s favourite. He would rest his head on her lap, y/n talking about her day while brushing her fingers through his hair. He loved the tranquility and the warmth of th emoment.

“You’re so pretty, did you know that?”, y/n whispered, her fingers playing with his hair.

Daniel looked up with a small blush on his cheeks, “Thank you baby. You’re absolutely beautiful.”

Y/n smiled, kissing his forehead, “Thank you, bubs.”

Daniel smiled, reaching up his hand to caress her cheek, “Can you read to me?”

Y/n giggled, “Since when have you enjoyed reading?”

“Since you’ve read to me, your voice is soothing.

Y/n smiled and picked up the novel she had been reading recently, flipping to the page she left off. “Should I start from the beginning?”

Daniel shook his head, “No, it’s alright. I just want to hear your voice, I like to hear you talk.”

Y/n pressed another kiss to his cheek before starting to read, flipping past the pages as Daniel listened attentively. As she read, he plucked a daisy on the grass, stretching his hand to lace in her hair, behind her ear.

Y/n shot him a smile before continuing to read, her hands going down to play with his hair. Every now and then, after a couple of pages she would lean forward to place a kiss on Daniel’s forehead.

After a while, Daniel said, “You missed a spot.”

Y/n looked down at him, putting the book to the side, “Oh?”, she smirked, “And where’s that, hmm?”

Daniel smirked, sitting up before pulling her in for a kiss.

“Right there.”

Y/n rolled her eyes, “You’re so cheesy”

“But you love it,” Daniel grinned.

Y/n shugged playfully, “Eh”.

“Hey!” Daniel’s fingers poked her side, causing her to giggle. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close and tickling her.

“Daniel!”, y/n shrieked with laughter, “Stop it!”

Daniel laughed, “Just admit it!”

Y/n struggled against his grip before giving up, “Fine! Fine!” She gasped for  a breath as Daniel halted, waiting for her to speak.

“I love it.”

“Love what?”, Daniel asked.

Y/n hesitated a moment before speaking, “I’m in love with you.”

Daniel froze, processing her words, “You are?”

She nodded, cupping his cheek, “I am in love with you, Daniel James, so much.”

Daniel’s face broke into a grin and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her down to lay down on the mat as he peppered her face with kisses. Y/n giggled, “Dani!”

Daniel lifted his face, looking at her with nothing more than admiration in his eyes, “I’m in love with you too, so so much.”

But now you're

Probably wondering where are all the songs about us?

I hear 'em in my head, but I can't write 'em down 'cause

Once the pen's to paper, then it's really, really over

And I'd much rather pretend that maybe we're still okay

Daniel tapped his pen against the page, small flicks of ink replacing the absence of ideas. Write it for her. He dropped his pen and turned to his keyboard, his fingers dancing across the keys. A mismatched tune echoed in the room after Daniel played the wrong chord and he started again. When he couldn’t find his rhythm, he huffed in frustration, trying a different scale of chords.

He slammed his hands onto the keys, a violent note resonating through the room. Daniel tugged at his hair, trying to calm himself down. He turned and picked up his ukulele, tuning the strings, hoping that this would bring him somewhere.

It was like déja vu as Daniel couldn’t find his rhythm. He set the small instrument aside and picked up his journal. He browsed the pages, searching for any unfinished songs he could work on. Maybe that can get you somewhere. He turned a page, reading the title of the song, Love Song. He immediately flipped it over, ignoring the pang in his heart. Yet, the next page held another name which hurt to read, Fallin’ Into You.

It was as though everything was against him, trying to haunt him. Every page he turned had her name written all over it in melodies and drabbles of chords written in the margins. Every song was about her. Daniel turned to the last used page, the last song he wrote about her.

The one he never finished.

The one that slipped like y/n, through his hands.

He glared at the crossed out words and angry scribbles on the page, pulling the last straw. A sudden anger filled his veins and Daniel yelled, ripping out the page and throwing it to the ground. His hands gripped the sheets in his notebook, yanking them out. His knuckles turned white as held each page, tearing them out. He threw his notebook across the room. It hit the wall with a slam.

Daniel threw his hands on the table, pushing the stationary off the edge. The containers clattered across the floor as he raged across the room. He kicked the couch, a strangled cry leaving his mouth as he fell to the floor. Daniel gripped onto the couch cushion, pulling it down with him as sobs wracked his body.

He hid his face in his hands, clutching onto the pillow tightly as he broke down. He was tired and hurting. Everything ached and the weight of it all was too much to bear. Daniel leaned his head back against the arm rest, crying silently as he looked at the wreckage he caused.

A soft ping from his phone took his attention away as he weakly reached for the device in his pocket. He lifted the screen, seeing a pop up notification from his Photos App.

[Photos : Memories - 1 Year Ago Today]

Curious, Daniel unlocked his phone, clicking on the banner to direct him to the app. The application opened to an image of him and y/n with the scenery of the pier behind them. They wore the biggest smiles on their faces as they stared at the camera. While Daniel’s gaze was focused on the camera, y/n’s was looking directly at Daniel, a huge smile on her face.

Daniel whimpered, wiping his eyes to clear his vision and zooming in on the picture. He looked at y/n one more time before hugging his phone and the cushion close to his chest.

We're still okay

[k0dzukwen]

ʚ 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐞 ɞ

- ”I would’ve never thought I would have to say goodbye to my paradise so soon...”

pairing: tendou x gn!reader

genre: angst, tragedy

word count: 1.7k

song inspo: mr. loverman by ricky montgomery mixed with as the world caves in by matt maltese

warnings: major character death, mentions of eating disorder, mild cussing, hospitals, 

pre a/n: if you wanna blame someone for this idea blame rex orange county, jjk newest ep, and my bestfriend ANKNKA ok but fr...i was thinking of who to do for this for about like..30 mins, it was between tendou, kita, and atsumu. i’ll try to do atsumu tonight because i have a AMAZING prompt for him ok? anyways enjoy this :))

“I can show you everything”

You wanted to be shown everything once, you were so eager to go everywhere and memorize every detail. And there was one person who you wanted to travel everywhere with

Satori Tendou

You were captivated by him, thoughts of him fogged your mind daily and you could barely focus. You knew he was the one for you that day you first started as a manager and he offered you candy, along with asking if you read manga. His smile when you said yes and accepted his snack made you melt on the inside, you practically started floating when he sat next to you and started talking about character complexes and powers. You listened to him for hours that day, you secretly wished he had invited you over so he could talk to you more. You went to sleep that night reminiscing over every word, every sentence, every laugh you both shared. 

Were you really that head over heels after one day?

As the days went by you and Tendou grew closer, becoming best friends within weeks. Yet the sparkle in your eyes when he smiled and laughed never faded, the warm feeling from being with him remained with you only growing stronger. You always fell too easily which left you vulnerable to getting hurt, yet with him you wanted to open yourself up completely hoping he would do the same. Months turned into years and before you knew it, You guys were graduating. Everything went by so fast you would believe you blinked and suddenly became a third year, now you were laying in the grass behind the dorms stargazing with your bestfriend who you had unironically fallen in love with. Have you told him how you felt? Nope

“Do you know what paradise is?”, Tendou stared up at the sky the slight light from the lights nearby illuminating his face and causing his eyes to sparkle

“Something or someone you find comfort in, Something you’re so addicted to just doing it or being around it brings you unimaginable joy. You can’t and won’t imagine ever leaving it or stopping it voluntarily” You sighed and looked over at him, gazing into his red eyes, “Why do you ask?”

He laughed and closed his eyes, breathing deeply “This is my paradise...I don’t think I’m ready to leave..” He opened his eyes and smiled, “But you know, This is a part of growing up right?”

“Ugh..” You huff and sit up, “What the hell is growing up anyways?”

Tendou sat up and shifted closer, leaning in so his nose could almost touch yours, “You aren’t old enough to understand”

Your face flushed a deep pink, he was so close to your face if you accidentally moved closer your lips would meet. You smiled at him and burst out laughing, laughing so hard you had to lay back down and hold your stomach. He laughed too, laying next to you and continuing to point out constellations like nothing had happened. What did he even mean “You aren’t old enough to understand”, he was only one year older than you so what did he mean?

Did you really want to know?

You never really understood the term “growing up”, deep down you wanted to stay a a kid forever. You knew that growing up brought unwanted pain and stress and even trauma, if you weren’t stressed with college enough you also had to deal with paying for bills on your studio apartment and making money from the cafe you worked at. And to make it all worse your best friend, the guy you were lovesick for was moving across the country to pursue his dreams

In Paris

You always asked why Paris, didn’t he want to go pro in volleyball? Wasn’t that his paradise? You knew you wanted the best for him but deep down you didn’t want the love of your life to move across the country, you knew you would both lose communication with eachother, you knew he would forget about you and you didn’t want to bear that pain. Yet he didn’t want to listen, he left to paris and exactly what you predicted happened. You started off calling him every day along with texting him, sending him pictures of what you did in everyday life. You didn’t have many friends so you often found yourself waiting for his reply, you knew his job was time consuming but impatience still got the best of you. Hours without a reply turned into days, the realization that you had lost your love ate at your soul. You found yourself skipping meals, and slacking off in school. You knew it was unhealthy and that you needed to stay strong but you couldn’t, his laugh and smile lingered in your dreams. You missed him dearly, but still couldn’t get the confidence to dial his number. One day you couldn’t take it and booked a flight out to Paris, you thought at the moment it would be the best option.

You never even left the hotel

You paced around the room, the TV playing in the background. You knew the chocolate shop he worked at and had a way of transportation but couldn’t bring yourself to go, what if he didn’t remember you? What if he had someone else? You tried to talk yourself up, motivating yourself to press the button

“God damn Y/N just-” You were cut off by a breaking news report, Your gaze switched from your hands to the TV. You squinted at the screen as it showed a report of a young male involved in a car collision, you didn’t even know what the instinct was but you ran out your hotel room down to the lobby, you busted through the entrance and started to run to the hospital the news report specified, tears welled up in your eyes as you ran praying that it was just a mistake. You prayed that the male in critical condition wasn’t who you thought it was, you stumbled and bumped into people as you ran saying a quick “I’m sorry” and keeping your pace. You arrived at the hospital and bust through the doors, running up to the desk

“Please miss, Who was the man involved in the car collision? The one in critical condition?” Tears pricked at your eyes as you stared at the woman in front of you expectantly

“Oh, at first we labeled him a John Doe but after further inspection we have confirmed the mans name is...Satori Tendou, We really shouldn’t give out this info but you seem like a family member or-”

The nurse continued on but you couldn’t hear, everything went silent as if you had just became deaf, Your knees felt weak and threatened to give out. It couldn’t be him, You shook your head and covered your ears despite the fact you couldn’t hear anything, everything started to swirl together like a fever dream. Thats right, it was just a dream, This wasn’t happening. You were gonna wake up from this crazy situation and go see your bestfriend, You were gonna finally see your best friend and he was going to be alive and healthy. Everything was going to be just fine, This was just a sick nightmare thats it

“Excuse me, this is his room. I’m sorry but he has about 20 mins left to live, he can hear but can’t move or respond to anything...I’m sorry”

The doctor patted your back and left the room, gently closing the door to avoid startling you. You hadn’t spoken a word since the news was given to you and of course, you didn’t take it well. You broke down completely, the nurses had to escort you to a room and try to calm you down

But even now you felt nothing but numbness

You stared at Tendous body blankly, gazing at all the tubes coming out of him, the beeping of the heart monitor and pumping of the life support machine kept the room from being completely silent. You felt tears well up into your eyes again and this time you didn’t fight them, you slowly walked towards his bed and gently touched his face. You could feel his face flinch and heard a wimper escape from his body, you let out a quiet sob and placed your hand over your mouth. You remembered how the doctor said he could hear you and feel everything

Feel Everything

He could probably feel the tubes and they were probably painful, He probably didn’t think that life was worth so much pain. 

“Tendou...” Your voice cracked and you sniffed, “I’m so sorry...I should have been there..for you” You sighed and sat down in a chair, leaning on the bed “Did I ever tell you about my paradise? Well unlike you...My paradise was a person, They were super funny and their smile could brighten anyones day” You smiled at the last part, unknowingly laying your head on the bed, “They had am amazing laugh too...It was so contagious I learned to memorize it, whenever I was around them...I felt like I was complete. I felt like I had a life worth living when they were around, I loved them..letting them go was the hardest thing, but at least they were safe and happy...” You started to choke up, tears streaming down your face, “You’re my paradise Tendou...I’m in love with you and I want to stay here forever if It means I’ll be with you”. You looked up at the monitor noticing how it was slowing down, You didn’t know much about medicine and medical things but you knew that wasn’t a good sign. You gently grabbed his cold hand and squeezed it, you blinked through tears and opened your mouth. You didn’t know what to say until the monitor started to rapidly beep, fear shot through your body causing your tears to flow faster and your body to shake. You broke your gaze from the monitor and looked at Tendou, his skin was pale and you could barely see his face through all the tubes

“I would have never thought...I would have to say goodbye to my paradise so soon. I love you Satori, I’m sorry I was too late” 

↳𝐞𝐧𝐝 

post a/n: currently sitting here crying, i’m not even attached to Tendou like that and i’m HURT why do i do these things to myself i’m sorry to whovever reads this </3

[valhallasubstitute]

The Things You Deserve

--Sihtric x reader

After the re-taking of Dunholm you go to find Sihtric. When you do he’s a little bruised and more than a little upset - that doesn’t stop you from loving him though. While you help him bathe Sihtric reveals some of his past and you begin to understand how a man like him deserves to be treated.

A/N: So this is set just after season 2 ep 4, I thought this version of Sihtric would work real well but it ended up really sad so I’m sorry anon, I hope I did your vision justice.

WARNINGS: Mentions of past abuse, mentions of injury, angst? fluff – some real lovin’ being given to our Dane boy who may or may not resemble a rat but he is sad. Really fuckin’ sad

Wc: 1599

It was dawn and Dunholm was quiet. You stepped over many drunken, sleeping forms as you moved through the main yard. The feasting had been magnificent as it always was in Uhtred’s victory, ale had not stopped flowing for many hours and you had no doubt that the celebrations would continue today and into the night once more.

You had partaken in drinking and games with your fellow warriors, enjoyed the buzz of victory and the end of a blood feud but you weren’t oblivious to the look in your lovers eye. Nor how he had left your side as you slept not ten minutes ago.

You hadn’t been with the quiet Dane for long, a few months at most, but in that time you had become inseparable. If he was sitting you would be found in his lap, if he was playing games you would be found beating him, and if he was in battle you would be found at his side.

You had kept a close eye on Sihtric as the square was made for Ragnar and Kjartan. You watched him bask in Ragnar’s revenge, Ragnar’s justice and Ragnar’s broken rage.

You also watched it break him in ways neither of you were expecting.

You saw the way his eyes watered, how he flinched as Ragnar just. Kept. Stabbing.

He had been quiet for the rest of the night. He never refused a cup of ale handed to him and he never denied your touch but barely a word passed his lips, physically your lover was there but the look in his eye was far away and it pained you.

The guards at the gate let you pass without argument, with Kjartan dead there was no threat.

Not right now.

You found him at the lakes edge. The sun was rising and you admired his silhouette, the light seemed to glide over the sharp angles of his cheekbones and jaw, even his arms. It softened them and bathed him in pale gold.

He did not hear you approach, and the way he flinched as you slipped your hand into his made your stomach lurch.

‘I did not mean to startle you, my love.’ You spoke the words quietly, his eyes were wide like a startled deer’s. You made small circles with your thumb over his knuckle and the movement seemed to pull him back to the present. He swallowed deeply, blinking rapidly before he spoke.

‘I came bathe…’

‘I shall leave you to it then, I only came to see what pulled you from our bed.’ You turned to leave with a smile but his grip on your hand tightened.

‘Stay Y/N. I would like you to stay...’ You could see his tears then, too stubborn to spill but they danced in his eyes regardless.

‘I will not leave you Sihtric.’

He nodded and started to remove his armour. As you were unlacing your own you heard him hiss through clenched teeth. He dropped his arms in defeat, half snarling at the garment as you stood in front of him. You started to remove it yourself and Sihtric didn’t stop you, his eye would not meet yours, instead he watched your fingers work. You loosened the ties with care, unbuckled the belts with trained efficiency and on your tip toes you pulled the main bulk of armour over his head with only the smallest indication of pain.

When he stood naked before you couldn’t help but take a sharp inhale, even with the purple bruise that was covering his ribs, he was a sight to be seen. There was little blood but the wound would still need to be cleaned. You bent slightly, taking your dress in hand and ripped a piece from the bottom, Sihtric looked down at you, confusion clear as day on his face.

‘You can buy me a knew one with all that sliver Uhtred keeps promising you. Now get in the water, I need to undress.’ He did as he was told with a small nod and the ghost of a smile. He still wasn’t himself but it was something.

Sihtric stood waist deep in the water, his face towards the sun once more. You announced yourself as you approached, a small cough and light splashes of water against your thighs. Only his head turned in acknowledgement, his eyes roaming over your form freely as you came to his side.

Neither of you spoke as you started to wash him, the rag of your dress was soft even soaked in water, the fabric glided over his skin smoothly, washing away the grim and dirt of battle. He smiled properly when you washed his face. He had closed his eyes in anticipation for the cold water not your warm lips on his cheek. You watched his eyes flutter open as you washed down his neck, following his tattoo down to his shoulders and chest.

He seemed to relax at your touch but not completely. Once the front of him was clean you moved to his back. It was broad and muscular and you admired it as much as you did the front of him. You took your time cleaning his wound, it had undoubtedly been cause by a fierce whack of a shield, only the tense of his muscles showed you how much it hurt. You brushed your lips over it once, twice, three times before you heard a tiny breathless laugh from above you.

‘I am no child Y/N.’

‘I know but even the most accomplished warriors deserve kisses.’

You went back to aimlessly running the cloth over the expanse of his back, eventually replacing the rag with your finger. Despite the chill of the water his skin was still warm and you found yourself humming, lost in the intricacies of his skin.

You joined every freckle with an invisible line and traced every scar with interest. You knew the story behind most of them, it was inevitable when you participated in pillow talk with one of Uhtred’s men. There was one scar that you hadn’t noticed before now. It sat just beneath his right shoulder blade and it was long and faded. Even so you could tell that at the time it had been nasty. Painful.

Had anyone else been watching they would have thought that running your finger over it caused Sihtric pain even now.

His whole body tensed. It was like his entire being collapsed in on itself and the scar was an vacuum, sucking him in.

‘Sihtric, what’s wrong-‘

‘Kjartan.’ His voice trembled slightly and your heart shattered. Grief and guilt and relief was the cause of Sihtric’s distance and tears. You chose not to speak, instead you pressed your cheek into his back and wrap your arms around his frame gently. ‘Kjartan was not fond of me – his bastard. He…he would beat me as punishment or as entertainment. For grieving my mother he had me lashed. It left that one.’ There was forced indifference in his voice.

‘That one … has he left many marks on you?’ Sihtric did not answer, you could feel as well as hear the shaky inhale he took. He took one of your fingers in his large hand and placed it up to his chest. He dragged the pad over the skin, enough pressure that you could feel the slight dip of another scar. When he lifted your hand you had expect him to place it back but instead he placed it onto another on his chest, and another on his thigh and another and another. Some where worse than others, all of them old enough that you hadn’t seen them.

Once he had traced the last of them he took your entire hand in his and brought it to his center of his chest. You forced your tears to stop and the lump in your throat to disappear.

‘You did not deserve such mistreatment. You do not… you do not.’

‘I was his-‘

‘There are no excuses for what he did to you. Bastard or not you were his son and you are a man that deserves many things and that- that was not one of them.’

‘I do not know what I deserve.’

‘Then I shall tell you Sihtric, if you trust me to be honest.’

You removed your head from his back and gently tugged him to face you. He did with little resistance and together you walked back to land.

The two of you sat in your under-garments on the shore line, Sihtric lay between your legs as you re-braided his hair. You told him again that his father was wrong in his mistreatment of him. You told him that he deserved respect and renowned as a warrior. You told him that he deserved the love and loyalty of Uhtred. You told him that he deserved the love of a good woman and many beautiful children , children that he was capable in loving in a way his father never was. And that was because he was a better man.

‘The things you deserve Sihtric are all good and they are endless, my love.’

-*-*-*-*-*-

And in the years to come, despite the battles and the politics and the questionable haircuts Sihtric came to believe your words. The scars of Kjartan faded to sliver and memory, new ones covering them but he didn’t mind. While he never came to believe that he deserved you he would never deny you kissing his wounds better, once, twice, three times just as you had done in the lake by Dunholm.

[sirenprincess15]

Please Don't Leave Me Chapter 9

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Author: SirenPrincess

Description: What if Aleksander hadn’t answered the door when Ivan interrupted the war room kissing? What if Aleksander and Alina had a bit more time to get to know each other before Baghra told her his true identity? Alina is the only one who can comfort Aleksander through his nightmares. Will she leave once she knows who he is?

This story is based on the show version and features a soft on the inside, hard on the outside Aleksander with an emphasis on emotional hurt/comfort and angst. If you are looking for lots of hurt!Aleksander thoughts, then this story is for you. Mal exists but pretty much solely to cause Aleksander some angst. Don’t worry. It will be a Darklina ending.

Chapter 1 is a missing scene at the end of Ep 4, and Chapter 2 takes place alongside Ep 5 and then diverges from canon there.

Pairings: Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, bits of Ivan/Fedyor

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Grisha are oppressed in this universe, and I don’t shy away from showing the horrors of that. There may eventually be mentions of canon-typical torture (Fjerdan pyres), death of family members, and cruelty to Grisha children. It’s not the focus, but that backdrop is definitely there and comes up as characters discuss their past.

In this chapter: After centuries of being alone, Aleksander struggles to share his problems.

Chapter 9

Aleksander was busy working in his office. The roaring fire warmed him as he poured over ship manifests and army documentation on this Dmitry. If they could find who Dmitry traveled with, who was likely to be loyal to him, then perhaps they could identify any threats before they even came to the Little Palace.

When Inessa and Fedyor delivered Alina, Aleksander rushed to her side. “Thank you,” he said, dismissing them. He pulled her into his arms, rested his chin on top of her head, and deeply inhaled the scent of her. She was safe. “How was your day?”

“Boring. Fedyor and Inessa wouldn’t even let me go outside, not even for training. I’m never going to get stronger if I don’t train.”

“It’s just a precaution.”

“A precaution for what?”

He ignored her. She didn’t need the stress of knowing how anxious their enemies were to kill her. “I thought we’d take dinner in here tonight, if that’s okay with you.” His emotions were a mess. As haunted as he had been since Marie’s death, it was even worse now that the continued active threat was confirmed. He was relieved to be with her because he could see she was safe, but he was also still deeply ashamed of his panic attack from the nightmare the night before. He feared she would bring it up. He couldn’t talk about it. Eating in the main hall would stop her from doing so, but he was worried about security and didn’t want her with a large crowd. Her food would be easier to poison there, even with her taster. Truthfully, though, Aleksander wasn’t sure he had it in him to perform the intimidating General Kirigan act tonight, and he wanted her nearby for safety. Then he worried about what would happen when it was time for sleep. He had unleashed shadows last night, and they could have hurt her. He would never be able to forgive himself if he harmed her. That morning he had decided they’d have to sleep apart, but that was before he’d known of this new threat, of spies sneaking into the palace to check her routines. There was no way to know if the man he’d killed had been the first or the last. He couldn’t risk letting her sleep without someone strong guarding over her, and she’d never agree to let someone like Ivan stand over her bed. She had to stay here. Selfishly, he was grateful to have the excuse to keep her in his bed.

“Of course.” Her expression begged him to answer her previous question, but he didn’t. He well remembered what it was like to be afraid everywhere you went at all times. He could protect her from that.

“I do have quite a bit of work to complete, though. I’m afraid I’ll be quite busy. I did take the liberty of having Genya select some books from the library for you.”

She raised an eyebrow, as if signaling to him that she saw right through his attempts to distract her, but all she said was, “That was kind of you.”

He sat back at his desk and tried to focus on the lists in front of him. Something wasn’t adding up. Dmitry would appear on a ship crossing into West Ravka, but not on a return, and then somehow a time later be on a manifest for a ship crossing the wrong way. How was that possible? Was he missing manifests or was Dmitry paying someone off to keep his name off the lists?

Alina stepped behind him and started rubbing his shoulders. “Alek, you’re so tense. The stress coming off you is nearly unbearable. What happened today?”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

She sighed. “Are we really going to do this thing tonight?”

He lifted his eyes to take in the annoyed look on her face. “Thing?”

“You know, where you pretend to be the oh so busy and important General Kirigan who uses his sense of authority to push people away? And then acts like he couldn’t possibly have any feelings or needs of his own? He’s fine. Everything is fine. He doesn’t need any help.”

He hadn’t even realized he was doing it, but she had. “Accurate,” he admitted.

“I’m going to let you in on a secret. The act doesn’t work with girls who have shared your bed.”

He laughed. Only she could call him on his behavior like this without irritating him. Only she could make him smile when he was otherwise so miserable. “I can assure you it worked fine on girls who have shared my bed. Apparently, it doesn’t work on the one girl I have let into my heart.”

“You’ve let me into your heart? So … let me help you.”

“Alina, it’s not that simple …”

“You can’t bear this burden alone, Aleksander. I won’t let you. Whatever is happening, it is crushing you. If not me, then get Ivan in here and talk to him. ”

“You want me to summon Ivan in here? This must be serious.”

“He is a good friend to you, and I know you trust him. I just want you to let someone help. You are not alone. This,” she said, putting her hand over the papers, “is not yours alone to figure out. Stop trying to solve everything with no support.”

“I’m not … used to having support.”

She nodded, took his hand, and squeezed it. “I know. I’m not really either. We’ve learned to do things alone, to hide pain and keep it to ourselves, but I know that problems are better solved together. Together, Aleksander. Stop trying to protect me from scary truths. Fedyor scanned every room we went into before he’d let me enter. I’m not stupid, Aleksander. If I can handle you cutting a Druskelle in half on top of me, I can handle whatever is threatening us now. Stop trying to push me away when it comes to important things. Let me help.”

He sighed. She was frightened already; she might as well know the truth. “Zoya caught a man trying to break in today. I have her guarding the palace exterior since she can’t seem to behave herself around you. He is working for Zlatan and was sent to spy on you. They’re making a plan for a better attempt on your life.”

Her shoulders slumped and her gaze fell to the floor as she took that in. “Hunted wherever I go. Still not used to that.”

He stood and wrapped his arms around her. “I will not let them succeed. I promise you that you will come to no harm.”

She looked into his eyes, stared there for a while, then found her strength. “Tell me about the papers.”

He quickly filled her in on what he had discovered about Dmitry and the mystery of the paperwork. It did actually feel good to have someone to discuss his findings with and not keep the thoughts spinning in his head. He talked through all of his ideas, no matter if they led nowhere. She indulged him and asked appropriate questions at all the right times. Finally, he arrived out loud at the stuck place he was in his head. He had so many theories, but how did he figure out if any of them were right?

She was quiet as she turned from page to page. Dinner arrived, and they ate in silence as they continued to try to find a pattern among the papers--the same captain, the same record keeper, accomplices that might travel with him. All ideas led nowhere, but they continued to look.

Hours later, Alina stood and walked into the war room.

“Alina?” He trailed after her. She was staring at the map. After a long time, he prompted her. “What is it?”

“I’m sure it’s stupid.” She shook her head and hugged herself.

He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her. “I don’t like it when you put yourself down like that. That’s not you. Those are words from your past.”

She shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Hmm, well then, let’s hear it. I’m frustrated. Maybe if it’s really stupid we can have a good laugh about it.”

“I used to stare at the map and dream of finding a way around. I was told there is no around, but … is there? Any secret path or …”

Aleksander felt his stomach twist as the implications became clear. “There are reports of Fjerdans in West Ravka, rumors that Zlatan is aligning with them, letting Druseklle ...” A vision of Nina being tortured popped into his head. He had to fight his jaw from trembling so she couldn’t see how upset this made him. “There is an around if you’re in bed with the enemy. He’s going through Fjerda.”

She gasped as it came together in her head. “He sends his emissary to Fjerda with messages, who then gets a free pass into our country to deliver orders to his spies, but then he needs the quick return across to do it again. How long would it take to travel through Fjerda? Check the dates. Do they match?”

“Fjerdans. It’s worse than I thought.” He could feel the Fjerdan fires licking at his skin.

They spent another hour pouring over records and checking their theory. Finally, Alina yawned. “We should get some sleep.”

He wanted to tell her to go on ahead, but he didn’t want her sleeping in a room away from him. He almost offered to just watch over her, but he feared he would accidentally fall asleep and end up as he had the night before. His chest tightened with worry as he considered possibilities, none of which were acceptable.

“I tell you to come to bed, and that sense of dread is what I get? I might think you don’t want to …” she tried to lightly tease.

“You know why,” he whispered, still not wanting to talk about it.

“Which is all the more reason to get you to sleep soon. Your nightmares are worse the longer you try to keep yourself awake. Have you noticed?”

He sighed. “This morning I was trying to work myself up to telling you that it’s not safe to sleep with me anymore, but now with this information on this potential attack, it’s not safe to sleep away from me either.”

“Don’t you dare do that to me!”

“What?” To her?

“Don’t you realize what you do for me? For years I cried myself to sleep every night, Aleksander. For years! I used to lie there and wonder what was wrong with me that no one could want me, how it was possible for me to not belong anywhere. I slept with a weapon under my pillow to fend off anyone who might come to hurt me. And now I sleep in your arms. Desired. Loved. Don’t you dare take that away from me.”

His heart ached for her. Was it possible she needed him as much as he needed her? “I hadn’t realized …”

“No matter how bad our nightmares get, we stay together. You make sure I can sleep, and I will do the same for you. Just promise to wake me up tonight. You can’t get yourself overtired like that again.”

“And you will wake me if the shadows start again?”

“I promise. Right away.”

“Okay,” he agreed, feeling less selfish about allowing it if it benefited her too. It was better than the alternative of some spy finding her room in the night or her lying awake with a knife under her pillow wondering if someone was coming to kill her. He would have to take care of himself more for her--get an adequate amount of sleep, actually stop and eat meals instead of working through every waking hour, maybe even share some of his stresses with her. He would do those things if it meant he could be there to protect her.

“Now,” she said, kissing him gently. “What do I have to do to get you out of that kefta so I can kiss away all those battle scars?”

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, SE02, Ep25 (Season Finale)

ah~ I finished furuba’s Season 2..T_T.. now my life is empty..that’s a good ep!

- A moment with yuki:

I think there’s sth I still don’t understand abt yuki’s tohru-mom feelings...I thought that yuki after acknowledging such feelings, will slowly build a healthier, more equal relationship with tohru  & the only reason he didn’t tell her is cuz he wants her to be ready & not worry. So today, it makes sense that he comes & tells tohru he stood up for himself & was scared but made it! he’s proud of himself & tohru should be proud of him, too. Also, it helps tohru let go of worrying abt him & realize his growth. All amazing!!! However, the scene was depicted in a way that screams, “look mommy, I’ did it!” rather than a friend reaching out & proudly telling a friend. it really cemented the mom-son dynamics. I felt “awe look at him proudly telling his mom” sth I thought, we’ll be slowly moving away from towards more equal dynamics. Yuki was drawn extra thin & he was leaning as if he was waiting for a head pat. Nothing is wrong with yuki wanting motherly feels since he never got one but i felt nothing changed between them. yuki still below tohru. I mean he’ll never be able to repay her kindness. true. but I thought the story will let us see him standing taller bit by bit, y’know? I know he still calls her honda-san & perhaps him finally calling her “tohru” is when they’re equal..but shouldn’t he move slowly towards that? rather than suddenly coming & thanking her for being his much needed mother figure? why is this scene depicted with extremely strong mother-son feel? could it be cuz yuki is still putting tohru in a pedestal? he told momiji “did u do sth worthy of honda-san’s praise” as if tohru isn’t the person who praises momiji for a cute uniform or kyo for making a standard riceball. hmm, maybe yuki can’t be equal to her if he still sees her as the sky or an angel or someone who desperately needs protection. tohru is precious to him & he’ll protect her with his life, but I thought he’ll do so as a friend, not as a son. Maybe SE03 is abt him learning to see tohru as a normal, lacking but still amazing person? I’d love to see that!!

- Shigure ( the main character ):

It’s always forgotten that this goofy, good for nuthin dude is a main character. But once he turns dark & reveals his face, no doubt that this guy is the plot’s leader! Shigure doesn't do lengthy inner monologues, nor his actions are easy to read. Mayuko is right “ he is like a ripple in the water” .The stages of shigues’s emotions:

Bitter: “why not let yuki take responsibility & tend for akito?” mocking akito’s bedridden status over yuki’s defiance. “ why u ask abt tohru in the phone?” & proceeds to mock kureno for calling. Tohru would never answer the phone first. “ you’re featherbrained” cruelly mocking him using a pun on his zodiac while suspecting he isn’t one anymore. Only shigure is capable of such salt!

Silent Anger: looking at akito as she rants abt him not coming to her first! not choosing her first. while she’s the one who didn’t choose him. “you’re one to talk” Epic!! “ what do you want from her?” shigure had no right intruding on kureno’s business with tohru. but he’s too angry to behave. Kureno answers like a good boy.

Refusing to play blind: hatori looking for excuses for akito’s behavior within the curse’s lore. Shigure fires back with “haven’t u ever felt sth off with kureno?”. They all did. “ Ah~at long at last” not even waiting for kureno to say first.

Sticking his finger in open wounds: “don’t accept it?scared? sad? emotionally attached to the bond?” Verdict: “devious” he’s calling out  hatori & kureno both!

Embracing himself with no regrets: “ weak, intolerant, worthless, worst kind of man”. He embodies his own description of himself as he talks to kureno over the phone & sends tohru. “ see you later” only the worst kind of man uses tohru like that. sending her with no clue to an emotional shock. He wants the situation to escalates. He’ll use tohru if he have to. Let’s see if kureno’s “kindness” spares tohru the pain or if it tears her heart apart as it has been tearing everybody, kureno induced!

-Akito’s manipulating tactics start to backfire:

“ I speak cruelly of you, You know I don’t say it out of spite” very typical sentence abusers say to further their grasp around others. Insult them cruelly, then play the kind apologetic card. It makes the other person linger longer. “X didn’t meant it. X actually cares. X just lost control”. It happens in domestic abuse cases all the time.. it never changes..it never stops. Akito knows when she’s loosing her grip on someone. she feels it. Her ego doesnt let her acknowledge it. However, seeing akito’s innocent young self humanized her so much. She wasn’t despicable since birth as we’ve seen in yuki’s flashback, but here she was even more innocent than with yuki. Could it be cuz it’s from kureno’s perspective? someone older than her? or she treated older male zodiacs differently. Akito knew kureno’s curse broke as he himself did. hmm. it’s the bond, so the ruler does have a connection with the zodiacs. Akito fearing kureno’s abandonment is understandable. Akito using tears, screams, pleads & frantic behavior, “so typical of spoiled children” to get kureno to stay. It is a working tactic. A tactic that abusive adults use in toxic relationships so much & works to trap the other party to stay. Stay with me cuz you pity me, yes, but I’m the one on control. Keeping in mind akito’s age here, she looks 6? 10 maximum! is really twisted. Akito learned early one that manipulation works. She gets what she wants by playing games, whether it’s tears, pity, rage, ridicule, mockery, bets, humiliation, or sexual seduction. It reinforces her behavior that nothing can stand between her & her desires. curse or no curse. If she can keep a  non-cursed person, then the cursed ones are way weaker to leave. This, off course doesn’t justify her abusive behavior with yuki/ kyo/ momiji/ kisa/ rin/ haru/ hatori but today, we got a small window open into her psyche. The best “antagonist” is someone with irrational behavior that stems from twisted mindset! She is so interesting!

-Kureno & ( the most destructive foolish traveler):

So, kureno stayed with akito cuz he can’t turn a sad, lonely, fragile child away. Can’t bear to break her heart. The child became a woman. The woman needed him in bed, he can’t turn a sad lonely woman away. He gave in & their relationship became even more twisted with the complexity of intimacy issues. Kureno said “ arisa is the first person he ever loved on his own”. meaning that he slept with akito using the remaining feelings of attachment of his previous bond. EXACTLY as shigure said while questioning hatori’s refusal to believe the curse can break“ emotionally attached to the bond”. He continued this unbalanced sexual affair with her. completely submissive to her moods & whims. Unbalanced relationship cuz both stayed together for twisted reasons “unable to let go”, She has control over him since she’s the family head, over even his freedom outside the house, He is willingly submissive to her, choosing to not seek his happiness,  not standing up & denying her, or stopping her or telling her sth as simple as “ i want to go out to the supermarket”. content & satisfied with his dull, lifeless life. Until akito “ the sad child/ the sad woman doesn’t need him anymore??? but kureno can see that him staying by akito’s side didn’t do shit to improve anybody’s situation!!! Akito is still miserable! even before tohru appears in their lives. all the zodiacs were miserable & united in a toxic fake bond. The bond is so fake that all this time there was a fake imposter & no one dared to question. They’re so accustomed to submissive obedience that they don’t dare to hope. Only shigure. The intolerant jerk saw through it all.

-Kureno is a different kind of foolish traveler. He helped no one. Not even the person he gave his eyes to, Akito didn’t benefit from his kindness. He didn’t benefit, nor arisa, nor any zodiac. What kureno’s kindness brought him is misery. What it brought the sohma’s is enabling abuse & continuation of current toxic atmosphere. He is a more sever enabler than hatori. Hatori enabled the continuation of the curse by erasing memories & staying by akito’s bed tending for her with no life of his own. But hatori knows he’s a sinner & hatori is still chained by the bond. Kureno is free to leave. Yet, he’s still here deceiving everybody & suffering alone while pretending to be content with fake smile. Was Kureno raised to always follow orders? No personality. No needs. Still, he decides to continue even after given a chance to leave now!!!! he lost the first chance due to a promise he made while he was afraid, lonely & felt pity. Now, he knows someone there loves him (arisa), he has a new friend (tohru), someone flat out told him to freakin leave (shigure). Still, he feels that causing akito to break down & cry is cruel. The most passive character in the shows I’ve watched!! Kuteno is another proof of this brilliant writer! there are many kureno’s around us. hurting themselves & others by staying in the cycle of abuse. The writer is really brilliant for writing such variety of characters. Who cares if fans find him appealing or not? hot or dull? good or bad? that’s not the issue here. He fits the plot so amazingly & realistically represents real life ppl who are caught between causing immense harm & being severely harmed, between helping & ruining! Kureno just closed his own caged tight shut behind him. so foolish, so tragic!

Side Notes:

Momiji pulling tohru to his level to tell her abt his achievement is cute! I was told he’s supposed to be taller than tohru now! can’t wait to see that!

Momiji’s been dressing more mature for a while, such as the violin ep, ep24 & now. All three tops while still having so much decorations, a hint of feminine designs are still in tune with momiji’s funky spirit! Also they are NOT toddler-like clothes! at all. I’m convinced it is done on purpose!! baby is growing!

I love dark shigure!! OMG! the story take a whole other level once he turns dark & turns off the goofy mode, activating the bitter mode! He was raw with no mercy & unveiled hatori’s hidden feelings with no hesitation. He tore kureno like a vicious dog! I LOVE.

Akito’s Japaneses VA is queen! & shigure’s Japaneses VA is so amazing!! can’t wait for his American VA!!! he’s one of my faves!

the bond breaking visuals are perfect! 10/10. No words needed.

tohru does have a women’s intuition! She is the most emotionally intelligent & socially perceptive character in furuba, just as long as it’s not abt herself. XD

tohru had a flashback within a flashback! lol. flashback inception!

they gave tohru a lil bit bigger boobies than usual!! my girl is maturing, too? =D

The scene of kureno & akito’s innocent childhood & the curse lifting being cut & inserted all over the ep is EPIC!! 10/10 presentation. It gave the ep eerie & distorted feel. Exactly as both kureno & akito felt. 

The scenes of tohru realizing sth is off with kureno’s curse is 10/10.

“ how did the curse break?” tohru’s first question! wow! I thought it was good for you, I’m happy, then ask afterwards. But NO. Interesting!!!!

I love that there is NO explanation of why the curse broke!!! I hope there is NEVER any explanation!! plz don’t let it be sth magical kureno did without noticing or anything. Let it either be random to keep the suspense as we wouldn’t know who’s is next or let be sth abt the bond somehow. But not sth tohru herself needs to do!

I still don’t understand kureno much, but I find him well-written for the reasons mentioned in my post. As for akito, I still don’t know much abt her. I doubt I’ll like her easily. But I can feel that her part in the story would be so amazingly entertaining!!

Shigure is the most unique furuba character hands down!!!!! this unbelievably entertaining jerk! is hot too.

[perfecttimeseleven]

https://open.spotify.com/episode/599XTxnDzzcJibnEaEjPdb?si=e9ce5c51fbdb474e

PERFECT TIMES ELEVEN EP. 7 TRANSCRIPT

ACT TWO SCENE ONE Lights rise on a table and two chairs in an otherwise empty-seeming room. THIEF #1 and THIEF #2 are seated at the table, examining a laptop. They’re both young; even younger than REMINGTON, JAY, and DAISY (think 13 or 14.) They’re unassuming — cute little kids, even — dressed in all black. THIEF #2 (bored) When you said “surprise job for our two-month anniversary”, I thought we’d like, I don’t know, kiss with tongue. THIEF #1 Yeah, but this is just as good. THIEF #2 Do you care about kissing with tongue at all? THIEF #1 Babe, of course I do. I just think -- THIEF #2 It’s just heist after heist all the time. The only thing you don’t seem to care about stealing is my heart. THIEF #1 Babe, it’s what we do. THIEF #2 Besides, it’s a crap job. Robbing a supermarket? A supermarket? That’s the most boring junk I’ve ever heard. THIEF #1 Don’t you trust me? THIEF 2 You’re a bank robber. THIEF 1 You’re a bank robber. THIEF 2 Okay, that’s fair. I just…will this be worth it at all? I know you have trouble grasping the fact that we’re now fricking loaded. We’re not little please-sir orphans snatching heads of lettuce from farmer’s markets anymore. We’ve stepped up our game. What’s so special about this supermarket? THIEF #1 Trust me. This will be an easy, fun night out. What’s not special about it? THIEF #2 Why are we wasting our time? We could be preparing for the Minecraft job. Or kissing with tongue. And…and, and, and…you’re not even taking the proper precautions. I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to get caught robbing a stupid supermarket, of all things. Like imagine it! You get cornered in the...I don’t know, produce aisle or something stupid like that and the headlines are all “two kids got caught stealing from the Shoprite off the highway” — who wants that? (THIEF #1 stands up. 11. Super Supermarket Heist.) THIEF #1 (pointing at the laptop screen) LOOK. ALL RIGHT, WE’VE GOT OUR TARGET HERE. THIS LOCAL SUPERMARKET. YOU KNOW YOUR JOB, YOUR INSTRUCTION — THIEF #2 (standing up) I THINK WE NEED SOME MORE DISCUSSION. THIEF #1 IT’S A QUAINT UNPOPULATED SPOT WE KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT, AND THAT’S NOT A LOT! THIEF #2 WHERE’S THE FUN? WHY NOT GO BIGGER AND PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS THIEF #1 AND PULL THE TRIGGER? THIEF #2 Fine. I guess you have a point. I’ll do it. But you better watch a sweet, romantic movie with me later. THIEF #1 Is it — THIEF #2 Cats 2019. I know you hate it. THIEF #1 Fine. THIEF #1 YEAH, WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU STOP AND SHOP NOW PUT YOUR HANDS ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD OR YOU’RE DEAD OH YEAH, THAT’S WHAT WE SAID GRAB THE CASH, THEN DASH OUT THE BACK AROUND THE TRASH THIEF #2 WILL THAT WORK? THIEF #1 (exasperated) JESUS CHRIST! THIEF #1/THIEF #2 A SUPER SUPERMARKET HEIST! WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU STOP AND SHOP NOW PUT YOUR HANDS ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD OR YOU’RE DEAD OH YEAH, THAT’S WHAT WE SAID! SIT TIGHT OR WE’LL FIGHT OH, THIS AIN’T THE NIGHT TO BE STUCK UNSUPERVISED IN A SUPER SUPERMARKET HEIST! THIEF #2 YOU KEEP ON SAYING THIS’LL BE A CAKEWALK. ALL OF THIS “NOTHING MUCH AT STAKE” TALK! HOW CAN YOU KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT? WE NEED TO PREPARE FOR ANY THREAT THIEF #1 I’VE GOT INSIDER INFO FROM MY SOURCE. I TRUST HER. SECURITY TONIGHT WILL BE LACKLUSTER. RIGHT NOW, WE WILL JUST SIT TIGHT. AT EIGHT O’CLOCK, WE’LL SHOP RITE! THIEF #1/THIEF #2 WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU STOP AND SHOP THIEF #1 AND NOT A SINGLE COP WILL SEE, TRUST ME, THIEF #1/THIEF #2 IT’LL BE EASY! GRAB THE CASH, THEN DASH IN AND OUT IN A FLASH! CATCH THEM BY SURPRISE! A SUPER SUPERMARKET HEIST. WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU STOP AND SHOP NOW PUT YOUR HANDS ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD OR YOU’RE DEAD OH YEAH, THAT’S WHAT WE SAID! SIT TIGHT OR WE’LL FIGHT OH, THIS AIN’T THE NIGHT TO BE STUCK UNSUPERVISED IN A SUPER SUPERMARKET HEIST! THIEF #2 I just…this is so out of nowhere. We usually plan these together. THIEF #1 I wanted to surprise you. You’ve been so stressed. I didn’t want to add the stress of planning a fun anniversary outing on top of that. THIEF #1 I KNOW

THINGS HAVE BEEN ROUGH — THIEF #2 YOU’RE NOT AN OPEN BOOK. THIEF #1 BUT THAT’S EXACTLY WHY WE CAN’T GIVE UP HOPE AND — THIEF #2 LOOK. WE’VE GONE DOWNHILL. ADMIT IT. IT SURE SHOWS! BANKS WERE OUR TRADE, NOT TRADER JOE’S! THIEF #1 SURE, WE’VE DONE MUCH COOLER JOBS WITHOUT MUCH  CONSEQUENCE BUT A SMALL VICTORY WILL BOOST OUR CONFIDENCE! THIEF #2 DOING IT TOGETHER IS WHAT MATTERS MOST TO ME ART MUSEUM OR BANK OR MALL OR…I GUESS GROCERY THIEF #1 Yeah? THIEF #2 Yeah! THIEF #1/THIEF #2 SUPER SUPERMARKET, SUPER SUPERMARKET, SUPER SUPERMARKET, SUPER SUPERMARKET, SUPER SUPERMARKET, SUPER SUPERMARKET, SUPERMARKET HEIST! YEAH, YOU’LL STOP AND SHOP NOW PUT YOUR HANDS ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD OR YOU’RE DEAD OH YEAH, THAT’S WHAT WE SAID! SIT TIGHT OR WE’LL FIGHT OH, THIS AIN’T THE NIGHT TO BE STUCK UNSUPERVISED IN A SUPER SUPERMARKET HEIST! WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU STOP AND SHOP NOW PUT YOUR HANDS ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD OR YOU’RE DEAD OH YEAH, THAT’S WHAT WE SAID! SIT TIGHT OR WE’LL FIGHT OH, THIS AIN’T THE NIGHT TO BE STUCK UNSUPERVISED IN A SUPERMARKET WE’RE ARMED AND DISGUISED IT’S A SUPERMARKET GROSSLY OVERPRICED IT’S A SUPER SUPERMARKET HEIST! (THIEF #1 and THIEF #2 exit.)

ACT TWO

SCENE TWO

The lights rise on REMINGTON and HP. REMINGTON is sitting next to a Dumpster in the back alley behind a restaurant. HP is squatting beside her, picking at a piece of crumpled paper and tossing its remnants into a small trash can that he hugs with one arm. REMINGTON is wearing floral shorts and a tattered, half-tucked in Domino’s employee shirt. HP is still in his original outfit, although he’s ditched the rainbow scarf and his jacket. Those can be seen laying on the other side of the Dumpster, next to the wall in a pile of other fabrics that seem to comprise a makeshift bed. The two kids have a half-empty and surprisingly fresh-looking Domino’s pizza box in front of them. REMINGTON is snacking on one of the last pieces. REMINGTON Okay. I’ve been doin’ some big brain thinking. Superhero names. HP (turning his head sharply from the paper) Hm? REMINGTON Let’s do a little word association, okay? Test the power, the wow-factor that these names hold. Ready? HP Mmkay. I like to word associate. REMINGTON What comes to mind when you hear the word...Flambé? (HP pauses, looking up contemplatively, before turning his head back to REMINGTON.) HP Shrimp? REMINGTON Nooo, like…I don’t know. (takes a bite of the pizza) Doesn’t it sound fancy? Like ain’t it French or something? (receives no reaction from HP) Okay. Okay. How about...the Remedy? HP (squints a little in confusion) What? Like medicines? Medicines and pills and little maggots in bowls? REMINGTON Like, my name is Remington, but there’s not much you can do with Remy or Remington that isn’t Ratatouille — (sees HP’s blank face, gives up) I’ll think of more names. (takes another bite of her pizza) Mm. Domino’s could beat up Papa John in a fight. (HP finishes tearing up the piece of paper and jumps to his feet.) HP Your break is almost over. You need to get back to work. REMINGTON No. The voices hurt. I’m lazy! HP One fire by the end of the day. That is our rule. REMINGTON (reluctantly dropping his half-finished slice in the pizza box) One spark. HP No, one fire. You’ve passed the spark level. (HP offers REMINGTON his hands, which REMINGTON takes. HP effortlessly pulls REMINGTON to her feet.) HP C’mon! It’s easy! (REMINGTON reluctantly unclasps her bracelet and tosses it aside. 12. Perfect Times Eleven.) HP NOW DEEP DOWN, THERE’S A FIRE GROWING STRONG JUST LET THEM HELP YOU SET IT FREE, REMINGTON LONG! IMMERSE YOURSELF IN VOICES, AIM THEIR ENERGY AT ONE SPOT! CAN YOU FEEL YOUR INSIDES SORTA GETTING HOT? REMINGTON Yeah, but it doesn’t feel healthy... HP ONCE YOUR BRAIN WIDENS, GIVE IN TO PRIMAL DRIVES, YOU’LL GAIN ENERGY FROM ALL YOUR PAST LIVES NOT JUST THE ONES YOU HEAR SINGING! REMINGTON What do you mean? HP WHETHER ANIMAL OR HUMAN, THEY WILL BE BRINGING YOU ENERGY! AND THAT’S THE KEY! IT SWELLS UP IN YOUR BRAIN! LET IT PLUMMET DOWN LIKE RAIN ONTO YOUR GOAL HP/REMINGTON THIS ENERGY IN YOU AND ME, ALL OF IT COMES FROM THE MOMENT WE BECOME ONE WITH THE SOUL AND OUR SOULS HAVE BEEN PERFECT TIMES ELEVEN REMINGTON WHICH MAKES US NOW GODS AMONG MEN HP WE COULD BURN AWAY ALL LIFE AND CREATE THE WORLD AGAIN REMINGTON THAT’S A LITTLE EXTREME, BUT SURE, I SUPPOSE. AT LEAST ONCE I'M TRAINED, WE CAN LEAVE THIS TENT BEHIND A DOMINO’S! HP/REMINGTON PERFECT TIMES ELEVEN, A UNIVERSAL LOTTERY WIN! NATURALLY MORE DISPOSED TO FREE THE ENERGY WITHIN! TIME AND SPACE WILL JUMBLE AND CRUMBLE AT MY HAND I’M A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX WITH REALITY AT MY COMMAND! HP STARTING LITTLE FIRES IS THE EASIEST TO MASTER! AFTERWARDS, YOU’LL LEARN TELEKINESIS FASTER TO SET A FIRE, GIVE YOUR SOUL’S ENERGY A TOSS! SCOOP UP A BIT OF THAT TIME AND SPACEY SAUCE THROW IT OUT OF YOURSELF AND JUST LET IT ALL GO THE HUGE AMOUNT OF ENERGY WILL SET SHIT AGLOW AND AFTER YOU CAN GET FUN LITTLE FIRES TO START, MASTERING THE REST OF IT’S THE EASIER PART HP/REMINGTON ‘CAUSE ENERGY IS THE KEY! IT SWELLS UP IN YOUR BRAIN! LET IT PLUMMET DOWN LIKE RAIN ONTO YOUR GOAL THIS ENERGY IN YOU AND ME, ALL OF IT COMES FROM THE MOMENT WE

BECOME ONE WITH THE SOUL AND OUR SOULS HAVE BEEN PERFECT TIMES ELEVEN, THE LUCK OF THE DRAW REMINGTON IS BEING A REALLY GREAT TEACHER ONE OF YOUR POWERS? ‘CAUSE I AM IN AWE. HP WELL, TEACHING YOU’S AS FUN AS MAKING ANIMALS COMBUST! REMINGTON THANK YOU…THAT’S A COMPLIMENT, I TRUST? HP/REMINGTON PERFECT TIMES ELEVEN, A UNIVERSAL LOTTERY WIN! NATURALLY MORE DISPOSED TO FREE THE ENERGY WITHIN! TIME AND SPACE WILL JUMBLE AND CRUMBLE AT MY HAND I’M A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX WITH REALITY AT MY COMMAND! HP Now, concentrate! Feel it build up inside you until every cell of your body feels like it’s screaming! REMINGTON Ahhhh! This shit hurts! HP And let it go! (REMINGTON propels her hands forward in one strenuous motion. There’s a whooshing noise and the inside of the trash can is now impressively aflame.) HP That’s it! REMINGTON That was my best one so far! HP/REMINGTON WE’RE PERFECT TIMES ELEVEN! A ONCE-IN-A-BLUE-MOON CHANCE, WE'RE EXISTENT AND ALIVE AGAINST ALL CIRCUMSTANCE! HP IT’S GREAT TO BE BETTER THAN HUMAN! REMINGTON EH. IT’S OKAY. IT’S GREAT TO LIVE WITH YOU IN THIS ABANDONED ALLEYWAY! HP/REMINGTON PERFECT TIMES ELEVEN, A UNIVERSAL LOTTERY WIN! NATURALLY MORE DISPOSED TO FREE THE ENERGY WITHIN! TIME AND SPACE WILL JUMBLE AND CRUMBLE AT MY HAND I’M A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX WITH REALITY AT MY COMMAND! (REMINGTON, perhaps spurred by the vigor of the musical number, is ready to go apeshit with the fire. She concentrates on the pizza box.) REMINGTON’S VOICES AHH! (She manages to set the pizza box on fire.) HP Yes! Nice! REMINGTON’S VOICES AHH! (REMINGTON manages to start a fire from somewhere inside the Domino’s — we can see a faint flicker through the window.) HP You’re doing so good! REMINGTON’S VOICES AHH! (REMINGTON sets all of the nearby Dumpster’s contents on fire. Spectacular!) HP Fantastic! (REMINGTON victoriously embraces HP, who attempts to spin her around. REMINGTON then takes HP’s hand. They skip around a little/dance giddily amid the blaze.) HP/REMINGTON PERFECT TIMES ELEVEN, A UNIVERSAL LOTTERY WIN! NATURALLY MORE DISPOSED TO FREE THE ENERGY WITHIN! TIME AND SPACE WILL JUMBLE AND CRUMBLE AT MY HAND I’M A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX WITH THE WORLD AT MY COMMAND! (pausing in a triumphant pose center stage) PERFECT TIMES ELEVEN PERFECT TIMES ELEVEN PERFECT TIMES ELEVEN! (REMINGTON and HP freeze in their triumphant pose. Somewhere behind them, a burning piece of cardboard unceremoniously falls out of the Dumpster. Blackout.)