#now fix your fucking car!
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What if I cried.
#kudos to you aston keeping me into the sport for 2 more ssns at least 🥳#now fix your fucking car!#nah bcs the biggest grin is on my face rn. trying to be normal in public#i got the notif from the f1 app right after leaving my class and was so ?????????#cmon this means they gotta have smth in their pocket no?#some incentive for nando to stay on right?#thank god man.#fernando alonso
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#so i'm the first one to shit on ferrari usually#but i'm actually quite sick of this narrative that today's debacle from charles should be blamed on ferrari#yes they should develop a faster car and not an understeer garbage#yes they should develop a car that suits their number one driver#yes their strategy is incompetent 95% of the time#yes it's very *odd* how things only break on charles' side of the garage and not the bank's side#BUT come on#today's debacle is firmly on charles' shoulder for me#let's be real he has now shown on THREE DIFFERENT TRACKS on THREE DIFFERENT RACE WEEKENDS that in mixed wet/dry conditions...#he's just a fucking mess#yeah yeah yeah his particular setup is unfavourable and the car is too understeer and the front won't turn in the mixed conditions blah bla#but this is ON CHARLES#HE DID NOT ADAPT to these problems#he's fighting the car and has zero confidence and his driving is frankly abominable in these conditions#his DRIVING is the problem and so he needs to fix himself#and yes ferrari has a laundry list of things to fix but let's not pretend that charles hasn't shown a deficiency or weakness today#i am very disappointed in him because i KNOW he can be adaptable and i KNOW he is capable of much better#so ADAPT and figure it out#and don't fucking do the same overtaking attempt that doesn't work over and over again when you're fighting your own car#charles is absolutely right: HE is a large part of the problem today#at least he is honest about this and i know he has the talent to overcome this#elle.txt#austrian gp 2023#f1
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love waking up to my mom giving me an ultimatum and ordering that i have to give up my (admittedly expensive) apartment 1n 2 weeks and move back home for good. i had stuff to do today but i guess being gripped by dread and anxiety works too
#i had been thinking about moving to a smaller one too. but now she's ordering me to do that#and expects me to move back home#when my university and all of my two friends are in the city.#and i have TWO WEEKS to live here if she wants me to move before summer because i have to go back home anyway in early may#for my summer job.#like sure i wouldve understood like a hey. my child. your financial situation is oretty tough so i have some suggestions that could help#but she was like okay here's whay you do: option a) [something i couldnt do before fall] b) find a cheaper apartment and live in two weeks#c) move home for good and commute over an hour any day you have university stuff to do and also essentially lose access to your#friends and all and any independence you have managed to cobble together so i can treat you like a child and yeall at you#the last part wasnt included but it's what she does anyways so i assume it's part of the deal#then i would have to commute or drive an hour any time i wanted to see either of my friends. after every summer im already#tired and desperate to come back to my apartment to get to be on my own. and now she's saying i have to never do that again#and here's the fuckin thing. her husband is planning on fixing my car. my mom pays my phone bill. i know what a loser i am whatever.#she actually owns my dogs and my childhood home. i cannot. piss her ofd too much. because then i'll lose all of those#phone. whatever i can get a new one. car. slightly more heartbrwakin but like i still own it. but the house?#my dogs?? i think i would rather die atm if im being honest#so what the fuck am i supposed to do. huh.#maybe i should just walk into the sea foe good i feel like that would just so neatly solve all of my problems
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it's actually evil that you need to have a (newer) smartphone and an app to confirm the transaction every time you want to transfer money
for many, many reasons, but mostly because it's one more thing I need to keep figuring out for my mother and I don't want to!
#first I had to add her account to my app and deal with that for six months because her phone was too old for the app#then I gave her my phone when I got a new one (the fact that she needed one for that was a big factor in me buying a new one)#and had to set all of that up.#and now. she keeps having problems with it!! and she doesn't understand my instructions on the phone!! so I have to drive over there to fix#whatever she did#which right now only takes 30 minutes if I'm lucky (depends on how annoying she wants to be that day)#but once we move it'll be an hour of driving alone. plus the time I'll have to spend at her place.#so yeah I'm pissed off about it#the TAN generator things that you put your bank card in worked perfectly fine but noooo everyone has a smartphone right 🙄🙄🙄#fucking hate that shit#especially since the tiny branch of her bank in her village closed a few years ago. so yeah either you have a smartphone and someone to help#you set that up and solve any issues. or you have a car to drive to the nearest bank and do it that way.#this sucks#personal
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#idk it's just really frustrating to think that people will ALWAYS make allowances for people they're romantically in love with but#not make those same allowances for someone else they otherwise care about.#that people will risk things for their partners that they wouldn't for their friends#that it's EXPECTED for you to prioritize your spouse/significant other/etc. at all times but prioritizing your friend(s) is rarely even#considered. and when you're like me and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO THIS SHIT BY YOURSELF...#like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy)#but genuinely I'm not even sure that I want that I think I just want someone who will fucking visit me in the hospital if I get into a car#crash or fix me soup when I'm sick.#like...yeah. in that one story I wrote I think I distilled it down: we all just want someone to hold us when we're sad#and it SUCKS that the only avenue we seem to be allowed to pursue that is through a romantic relationship#right now I have my dad but if something happens to him...I genuinely do not know what I'm going to do. I'll have nowhere to go#if something terrible happens. I'll have no one to help me be a person. and I just. like I really am going to just have to power through#the next 60 years on this fucking planet alone and by god I'll fucking do it but I wish I didn't have to!!!!#and I think this was why the loss of Her™ friendship (which was necessary. for both of us) was so acutely painful. because even after#she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think#anyone ever has. and I just really don't think I'll ever find that ever again. and I can't go back and I don't WANT to be with her anymore#but it was this time of the year when she told me she was getting married way back when and my brain has kept that like the World's Worst#Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that#this not-even-relationship is STILL doing this to me#WHAT THE FUCK!!! IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!!#*sigh* okay for REAL I am logging off right now because I've already said Too Many Embarrassing Personal Things about myself today#and I do not want to put myself in a position to say anymore!#In the Vents#GOD this is so stupid IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY DIED WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
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screaming in the club
time for another vent in tags
#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO#i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe#n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th#ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a#utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai#ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell#like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc#then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no#food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it#harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats#fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY#SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf#the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther#es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the#bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and#no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh#it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression#i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point#i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT#everything has gone to shit#vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.
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having a "former gifted kid" type mental spiral
#i say this because the spiral is actually about how much i hate the word and the general culture around giftedness#mostly because its incredibly inconsistent between schools so people often mean different things when they say it#but also because in my specific case its certainly not a gift but like. what am i supposed to call it.#its literally a neurodivergence in my case that has had many effect postive and negative on my life. but its also a school club.#and its also nothing! before the advent of like modern standardized public education i wouldve just been a curious kid#Without modern public education im not sure i wouldve even been different from other kids. maybe a little socially awkward still but idk#and like. Am i really different from other kids? am I now as an adult different from my peers? Occasionally i will get told as such#how the fuck am i suppose to talk about how much being seperated from my peers and held to higher standards sucked#when the name of the reason why this happened might as well be 'gods specialist little boy'#none of the things that make people think im smarter are really all that useful day to day. and most non-gifted people are like. still smar#i happen to be good at memorizing the kind of facts schools test you on as children#but is that just because i was told as a kid to be good at school and so i tried hard to do that?#even if I am uniquely good at that#does that really make me more intelligent than the high school dropouts who can fix cars like its nothing?#in fact i would say they are at least wiser than me for picking something practical to be smart at#at my school being gifted usually implied you were a little neurodivergent and bad at socializing#often our gifted kids were actually failing classes because they were smart enough to realize they didnt matter#(not me but still)#but at some schools being gifted just means you were an avid reader or were pressured by your parents to maintain perfect As at all times#so if i say. wanted to talk about how being 'gifted' has often made some aspects of academia like hating emails and having time blindness#and not having a good friend network and having many unadressed issues around not really knowing how to make friends#if i wanted to talk about that. and i say 'I was gifted growing up and this sucked'#the person on the other end might hear 'oh woe is me im so smart and this makes my life so hard'#AND FURTHER STILL#on tumblr especially 'former gifted kid' has kindve become parlance for 'guy whining about nothing'#or even 'person who they were told was smart but is actually kinda dumb'#which... yeah! theres a reason many former gifted kids are like that! thats kindve my issue with the program in the first place!#it takes otherwise relatively normal if well achieving kids and tells them they are gods specialist little children.#THIS CANNOT BE HELPFUL TO ANYONE? like whatever chance the kids had at seeming normal has been stripped away#and they now also think they are the smartest person in the room in every situation
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this is going to sound strange, but does anyone have any resources for like. how to go from being unable to think about the future to being able to think about the future
context being: i'm still unable to convince myself i'll live past 25 (i am 21, that's getting close lmao) nor that next year is a thing that exists. i would like to stop doing that on account of it's very annoying to have to scramble to get things done at last minute every single time because i just can't bring myself to remember that the future will someday be the present and i can just. plan ahead.
#further context is that im having to scramble for housing and may need to do this next year entirely offline#because i forgot to apply for housing at college and dont have a car because i keep not feeling like there's any time left to bother gettin#a drivers license. or fix my bike.#oh *online. i cant learn online well but i cant take another gap year they'll kick me out of college#anyway this is a completely avoidable issue (i couldve just done 'housing renewal' in march and agreed to live in the same place this year#which i liked living in so i shouldve. but i felt like it 'didnt make sense' because i 'didnt know if i was coming back' which i obviously#was) and now it is a big problem#also additional; how to tell your already fed the fuck up with your bullshit family that this is a thing and you also forgot to deal with#it until last week and then didnt tell them#im gonna get yelled at.
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#okay it’s shouting into the void time kids#tw gender dysphoria#it’s been a solid week of crippling dysphoria#like.. i’ve NEVER had it this bad ever#i cant breathe#and it’s been like this for a full week now#and i think some of my friends need a break from hearing about it#hence the yelling into the void#and i just cant breathe#not like in a panic attack way (i dont think) but in a ‘my body is WRONG and i need to FIX IT’ kinda way#i keep trying to do self care but it’s not working#i’m fine and happy when i’m doing stuff but when i stop? ..it’s still waiting for me#and i’m drowning under sudden bills and expenses that i can just barely afford and i just cant breathe ok#can the world just… not for like a day or two??#on the other hand shout out (lol) to the dickhead who cat called me today and briefly replaced the dysphoria with barely suppressed rage#i already knew my ass looked great i didnt need you to tell me you fucking mistake#hope you wrap your car around a lampost :)#ranting is cathartic though so that’s nice#props to you if you read this far <3
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found out today btw that getting my car fixed is gonna cost at least $1k and i want to die forever
#god being an adult is like#spend $500 on new work clothes cause the dress code is strict and now you need basically a whole new wardrobe!#spend $77 on a dye job that’s going to wash out in a week! you thought you could have fun and have something nice? fuck you!#spend $3000 on dental surgery!#spend $1000 to get your car fixed!#spend $100 a month on all your prescriptions!#spend $50 every time you try to buy a few groceries!#never spend money on a replacement for your laptop cause you’ll never be able to afford it at this rate! you stupid bitch!#i want to kill myself#snow.txt
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theyre called "Dodge" bc when you decide not to buy one youve dodged a fucking bullet
#still think of my stupid ex who dropped 40k on a truck while he was flat broke just to stroke his ego#and the truck he picked was a fucking dodge. like really. just insult to injury at that point#cracked the windshield like 2 weeks after he got it and couldnt even afford the deductible from insurance to get it fixed#like bro do you think thats maybe a sign youre a raging idiot. he was permanently broke im not like making fun of being on hard times#im kind of drunk i tried some new vodka thing its good ill have to get more. i love tags i can say anything and nobody has to see it rly#should sleep now <33#and fuck that guy im so much happier without him. last month made 1 yr since i cut him out of mylife and i dont miss him or his stupid truc#or his piss poor money management skills while having (at the time) paid-for cars and no rent and journeyman wages $20-25/h#always borrowign money and never paid it back. lucky i only stopped speaking to him and didnt take it out of his truck nova scotia style#its what he would have done. cunt. bedtime for real now maybe ill remember to delete all this in the morning ily all
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HELLO. YOUR UPDATE IS THAT THIS FLAT IS ACTUALLY INCAPABLE OF RECEIVING AN INTERNET CONNECTION. I HATE LANDLORDS. I HATE ESTATE AGENTS. I AM GOING TO WALK INTO THE SEA.
#rangnar rambles#'lol ur landlord gave a complete nonsesne address when he registered your flat with the government so we're going to blame you and refund u#UM???? NO????#5 months and NOW you figure out theres a mistake that SHOULD be easy to fix????#except this fucking landlord is impossible to get hold of so theyre right it would be easier to not even try#i hope everyone at this company gets shat on by every seagull in this city forever. i hope it cakes onto their company cars.#*screams forever*#ANYWAY. my essay is submitted and i have one more project and then Maybe. maybe i will have some free fucking time.#UNLIKELY. THE HORROS PERSIST.#at what point do you have to go to their office and threaten to kys in the lobby. like. it should not be this hard. <- for legal reasons#that is a joke#apologies to everyone i have been meankng to message. i cannot get anything to work i am in hell :)
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man Ford cars fucking suck ASS
#'american made' YEAH NO SHIT IT SUCKS RAT COCK#the door lock completely got jammed man.....#i had to disengage the battery just so it wouldnt drain while i brought the car into the garage to warm up#its fixed now (lmao but i already called into work so whatever) but its something that has to be addressed professionally#because i absolutely cannot have this happen when im AT work#also this is for men who are into cars and fixin them - stop. hiding. your. fucking. TOOLS.
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anytime my bike or laptop or headphones is outta wack it feels like my whole life is on pause until theyre fixed
#have not had access to my ebike for almost a month now#and every day i feel worse#the mechanic working on it is a nice guy#but fuck i cannot inspire any sense of urgency in him to get it fixed faster#imagine being without your car for a month#my ebike is my vehicle#i cannot focus on anything until its fixed
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My brother really had the audacity to tell me his work took them out to breakfast this morning (the entire business, which is small because it's family run, but it's still like ten people) and paid for it and then he tells me this afternoon after lunch that he's "going back to hell"
Bro they provide drinks for you??? Water, soda, monster, Gatorade, you ask for it they buy it??? You're able to come home for lunch, you can leave a job site and go back in an emergency, and you're in hell???
I never want him in my industry I swear to God 💀 he would absolutely complain about the hours, the people, the drive, the customers, the companies, and it would all come back to in me because your family affects your work in the industry. If you come from a family that's known for some lazy workers, you're going to be side eyed unless you prove yourself different. Coursez if you come from families that have union ties and have had them for a while, you're also all set regardless of how well you work 🥴
#My brother: these people who take care of their employees fucking suck#How dare they take me out for breakfast? Give me a brand new tool box? Provide tools for me?#How dare they give me free drinks so I don't have to buy my own? How dare they let me help fix up a boat#That once it's fixed the employees and their families are also allowed to use?#Me: yeah my job wanted to write me up for working a full shift :) they only provide water when someone complains#They've had people die in the floor and just told the employees to keep working and they had someone#Working off the clock who ended up running over a woman with a forklift possibly killing her#But at least maiming her and they won't take responsibility for it.#But your job sucks.#Bet your car sucks too. The one that used to be mine that now has the front passenger seat full of empty bottles and cans :)#Amazing how much damage you did to that in five years.
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honestly schools really need to bring back home economics and woodshop and driving lessons and sex ed classes, etc., so the teens can be well rounded people and are at least a little prepared when it's their time to head into the "real world"
but those require more material and labor costs and probably permission from parents (like with sex ed, it's always gonna be controversial but it's still needed) so school administrators or whoever is in charge cut these programs or never have them in place at all
teens need to learn about more than just what's in their history textbook, they need art and music and food and fitness and knowledge about their bodies and how to take care of themselves bc our society believes that all 18 year olds are "adults" now and automatically know everything about the world that they will soon need to face on their own
#I'm saying this bc I'm reminded of how when I was in high school I wish we had these classes offered#our science room was once a garage where they had a mechanics course back in the 70s and 80s and that would be cool to have in 2010#home ec and stuff should be all inclusive btw and not just a 'girls class' or a 'boys class'#'oh you're an adult now you should know how to cook and file taxes and fix your car on your own'#FUCK OFF!!#bre's posts
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