#like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy)

[musical-chick-13]

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[marzipanandminutiae]

I was just looking into the notion that widowers only had to mourn for 1 year after their wives' deaths, during the Victorian era, while widows had to mourn for two. because I've heard that a lot, but it seems to jive more with the Pop History version of the era where mourning existed because Imposing Rules On People Is Fun and All Marriages Were For Money than with the real version, inhabited by real people who idealized love matches and theoretically practiced formal mourning to show that they were going through something and needed gentle treatment

what I've gathered from a brief search for period sources seems to be:

one source from 1839 mentioned the "widows = 2 years; widowers = 1 year" thing

every other source I read (about 7, from various points in the era) implied or stated that the minimum normal period of mourning for widows and widowers was the same

That's a small sample size, but I still think it's significant

men's clothing could often be harder to visibly alter to reflect mourning, relying heavily on things like black cufflinks and collar studs that could be trickier to notice at first glance than. you know. a bonnet with a black veil over someone's face

a lot of sources talking about mourning clothes were fashion magazines aimed at women, and thus would be more likely to talk about women's mourning attire than men's

so my takeaway is that while some people at some parts of this 60-year period felt it acceptable for widowers to mourn for half the period of widows, many others at other times expected any bereaved spouse regardless of gender. obviously, in a highly misogynistic society, women's adherence to ettiquette could be much more scrutinized than men's; a widower who married six months after his wife's death would be looked askance at, but probably not subject to as much censure as a widow who did the same. and obviously, things don't go according to plan and the formal mourning system could of course backfire- forcing a woman into months of social seclusion for an abusive husband, for example

but.

the overall goal was to convey "handle with care" to the outside world. for many people, widowers were expected to need as much care as widows- and therefore to mourn for the same length of time

[palant1r]

death note characters ranked by how much they fuck, from least to most:

L: im sorry but this bitch died a virgin. you know im right. we can talk about lawlight gay sex all we want and its very fun but there is NO way his relationship with light actually went beyond psychosexual mind games that they both found far more sexual than actual sex. he does not leave his weirdass computer floor room he is NOT on tinder. this guy had watari make him a special fleshlight that jacks him off in 3 seconds every time he experiences horniness so he can get back to work

near: same as L, really. the only reason he's ranked higher is because he hangs out with a bunch of sexy americans and could theoretically have had an opportunity at some point

Ide: asexual king. could have sex but simply has no interest in it.

light: divorces his mind from his body to an absolutely insane degree. uses sex purely as a method to give misa rewards for killing a bunch of people. this barely ever happens

misa: only ranked higher than light because i feel like she had sex at least once before meeting light and light was absolutely a virgin at that point

mikami: he has scheduled sex that he pencils into his planner about once every month or so

takada: with how she reacted to light's advances, it's clear that this is not a woman who is accustomed to pleasurable sex. girl go get some better dick its not worth it.

aizawa: on one hand, he is married. on the other hand, between the investigation and having a young child in the house, i doubt they're boning down on the reg

mello: i know people will get mad at me for ranking him this low. because like, look at him. he LOOKS like he FUCKS. but im sorry. he doesnt. he goes after his goals with the singleminded focus of a bear on cocaine presented with a dumpster full of salmon and sex simply does not play into those goals. however he would fuck to FURTHER those goals he just wouldnt even enjoy it because hed be thinking about Beating Near the whole time but like, in a heterosexual way

soichiro and sachiko: you KNOW old man yagami is a freak. that man is not normal and he's gonna dick his wife down crazy style. however he is also working long nights all the time

matsuda: between his need to be around other people and his neglected shelter dog rizz, i think its fair to say matsuda is having a fair amount of sex

matt: to mellos chagrin, matt fucks

mogi: this man is coveted in the tokyo gay scene. dick is bomb AND he makes breakfast in the morning. this man FUCKS but he minds his own business about it

[bardcore-jaskier]

♡My immortal Jaskier headcanons♡

So here are my headcanons, because I refuse to believe that our ball of sunshine has an expiration date...

So, I know Lauren said that Jaskier not aging in the show was just a filming mistake, something they simply forgot to do and on a completely logical level I am fully aware that in canon Jaskier is completely human, 100%. And I also know that they're not gonna change it, no matter how much some of us may wish they did (Although why not? They already strayed so far from the books and made so many changes, might as well go the extra mile)

Realistic-ish headcanons:

- Jaskier is part elf, perhaps quarter elf like Yennefer, it is an entirely justifiable headcanon, theoretically, Jaskier's human father could have married a half elf commoner woman (who may or may not have had the pointy tips on her ears cut off with a knife to avoid human prejudice)

- Jaskier has a fae ancestor, somewhere many many generations back in his ancestry, so his entire family is suspiciously long lived but nobody cares because Lettenhove isn't politically important and therefore doesn't catch the attention of the prejudiced Nobles farther up the royal court chain.

- Jaskier unintentionally drinks the same elixir mages/sorcerers drink to prolong their life. I read that chaos wielders don't have naturally long lifespans, they semi-regularly drink an elixir with mandrake roots in it to slow the aging process. According to Witcher Wiki, you can only buy mandrake root in Lindenvale and my headcanon is that Jaskier experiments with many different tea blends to see which one is more effective for soothing his throat after singing. So at the age of 29-30, he wanders into Lindenvale and buys some dried mandrake to make a tea, after one sip he felt more rejuvenated than ever and since that day, mandrake root tea has become his number one go-to, he drinks it as often as he can.

More fanfic centric, less canon possible headcanons:

- Jaskier is a Dryad. (Yayyy trans Jaskier headcanon) Since Lettenhove is so tiny, it isn't even on the Witcher continent map, but a simple Google search says that it is Located somewhere in Kerack. Kerack borders with Brokilon, so it's kind of a nifty little loophole for fanfic writers to use and place Lettenhove somewhere near the forests where Dryads live.

And while most Dryads treat any man that enters their realm as a mere sperm donor, Witcher Wiki does also mention that some Dryads can form emotional relationships and fall in love with humans and/or elves, but in the end, all Dryad born offspring is AFAB. So imagine this, Jaskier's father falls in love with a Dryad, she falls in love with him, they have Jaskier, Jaskier notices early on that he feels like a boy and his rich Viscount father hires a mage to help Jaskier transition early.

- Jaskier is a higher vampire, higher vampires are a HIGHLY secretive society, even in canon, part of the reason why even Witchers have so little information about them is because they prefer to hide in plain sight and are ridiculously good at it. Jaskier doesn't age, has no self-preservation instincts, doesn't buy a horse and yet still keeps up with Geralt on foot for 20 years. Jaskier's personality isn't fake, he doesn't act like someone else, it's all him, but his clumsiness is a little bit of an act, he also purposefully avoids physical fights, it comes across as fear of getting hurt but in reality it's because he's afraid of appearing too strong and exposing himself. Lettenhove doesn't appear on maps, because it doesn't exist legally, it's just a castle hidden in the woods, a safe place for higher vampires, kinda like Kaer Morhen is for Witchers, Jaskier's parents just happen to be the ones who run it.

[queenie-blackthorn]

HI HI HI long ask incoming :,,DD

so i have a transmasc muslim character from Malaysia, and i was wondering what the biggest no-no’s are when it comes to writing their transition? and, also, what is it like being a queer muslim in general?

being a queer and trans asian i understand enough (personal experience lol) but i was raised (unfortunately) in a predominantly catholic country that has a LOT of misinformation abt muslims. which sucks. i vaguely know that removing one’s hijab is a very delicate, sensitive thing to do. but what happens when the person no longer identifies as a woman, and wishes to present masculinely? or heck, even present a bit femininely, but still choose to identify as a man? how would a trans muslim go about presenting the way they want to, in the theoretical situation that they’re in a safe enough environment to do so?

hii <333 i want to clarify beforehand that this is a VERY sensitive issue, esp among muslims. cause us as muslims have faced enough misrepresentation as is, and some (i promise not me) may consider it insulting and misrepresentative for a queer muslim to exist (as if they dont already). just, be wary when approaching this subject

now, the issue here is that trans muslims are an EXTREME minority, and i mean extreme. not many people transition and still call themselves muslim. they either renounce islam, or hide their identities for the sake of safety. islam resembles christianity in a way—queerness is a big no-no. HOWEVER, in islam its not haram to BE these things, its haram to act like it (specifically, acting like the opposite gender. dressing like them, who you get married to, etc)

you have to be v delicate, since most ppl would not accept a trans muslim character (i say most bc there are ppl who wouldnt mind, but society as a whole generally would in fact mind)

you almost never see women decide to take off their hijab bc they dont identify as a woman. removing the hijab is taboo enough in muslim culture, but doing that due to not identifying as a woman anymore? BIG no-no

if, theoretically, theyre in an environment safe enough to do so, they still may find ppl unfriending them bc of it, or tryna convince them not to do so for their own safety

HOWEVER, i do have genderqueer friends irl who are still muslim, all of them afab. im gonna use two of them as an example (keep in mind we do live in a transphobic/homophobic society)

the first one (genderfluid but goes w any pronouns) was a hijabi before they stopped identifying as a woman, and they still wear a hijab. however, they do wear chest binders and more masculine style of clothing (e.g. no skirts). they still cover their awrah (the part of a muslim that should be covered. for men its from the navel to below the knees, for women its everywhere except the face and hands), but theyve become a lil more careless w the hijab (like wearing it looser)

the second one (he/they) isnt a hijabi, and they still have long hair. however, he also wears a chest binder, but still likes makeup and things like that. ik less abt this one cause we arent as close as me n the first friend, but thats what ik

and i also mentioned the awrah. keep in mind that men have a hijab too, just a different kind. "hijab" just means covering, n both genders have to cover personal parts. so your character may stop wearing a headscarf, but they still have to wear longer shorts n grow out a beard (and yes, growing out your beard is a must for men in islam. according to most scholars anyway, since the prophet pbuh did it)

if your character was previously a hijabi, you might make him more careless w the hijab (showing more n more hair until he eventually renounces it completely) n start wearing more t-shirts w jeans and things like that (search up "grunge hijab" n youll see what i mean)

it IS better to make a trans non-muslim in a muslim society, considering a lotttttt of muslims might find it offensive if theres a trans muslim, but obv i have no say in your character and in the end its entirely your choice <33 just be aware that its kinda like stepping on broken glass here

[jadeyarts]

you know what Novelmore fans need? headcanons about the main characters’ absent parents, obviously. so here we go.

Arwynn’s mother, Queen Llewella:

since John is an English name but Arwynn is a Welsh name I decided that clearly Arwynn’s mother needed a Welsh name too.

late wife of King John, she died about a decade ago. Arwynn’s memories of her are fuzzy, but he resembles her in a lot of ways.

John had lighter blond hair than Arwynn, so I thought it would make sense for Llewella to be a strawberry blonde.

I haven’t decided how I think John and Llewella would have gotten together - it was either an arranged marriage that worked out well enough for them, or he had some kind of dramatic Married A Peasant For Love arc decades ago.

Brody’s mother, Captain Barabal:

Brody is a Scottish name, but Bayron is ... apparently the Spanish form of an English name? so mom gets a Scottish name!

his birth was a strategic political arrangement - his mother is loyal to Lord Bayron, but the two were never married. he was born out of wedlock and is only tolerated as much as he is by virtue of being of noble blood and the only heir to the throne.

since Brody’s description on the playmobil site said he’d been travelling between kingdoms before the plot begins, I thought it’d be fun if his mom was a privateer and he was on her crew. he doesn’t receive parental affection from her, but she does pay him more respect than Bayron does - she doesnt treat him like a son, but recognizes that he could potentially become her future boss so she’s more strategic in how she treats him. mostly she tries to keep him busy and out of her hair.

Gwynn’s parents, Geoffrey and Bronwen Greystone:

in the show Gwynn’s uncle is named Bran while the figure of her uncle in the toyline is named Geoffrey. these are based on the show, so I’m using Geoffrey as the name of her dad. 

uncle Bran is credited as Lord Greystone so that means he should be Geoffrey’s brother? but since Bran is a Welsh name while Geoffrey is a French name that was converted to English, I like the idea that theyre from two different cultural backgrounds + Bran is Gwynn’s maternal uncle. so mom gets a Welsh name :P

anyways Geoffrey is probably still alive, just living out in the wilderness. I get the feeling that Bronwen is... Not alive, though. Gwynn seems like someone who was heavily influenced by being raised as a woman without a female role model of any kind.

won’t lie to you - I based Bronwen on Snow White (iirc Gwynn means white) while I based Geoffrey on the Huntsman. not for any reason other than I felt allusions to either or both would fit Gwynn, in particular - its just to tie them to her, thematically! :P

Dario’s parents, Ser Claudio and Monna Annabella da Vanci:

Obviously the character with an Italian name, based on an Italian historical figure, is going to have parents with Italian names.

This means that Dario’s full name is actually Dario di ser Claudio da Vanci (meaning “Dario, son of Claudio from Vanci”)

Claudio, naturally, was the son of Dario the first - while he was a talented engineer and inventor like his father before him, he was more passionate about sculpting. He became well-renown for his sculptures, and was often commissioned by King John.

since Dario II is the last of the da Vanci family, we know that Claudio and Annabella must both be dead - or at least Claudio is. Annabella theoretically could still be alive, but likely would have remarried into a different family and become a little distant if so.

Claudio’s design is based on paintings of Leonardo da Vinci, somewhat, while Annabella’s design is based on the Mona Lisa.

Faylinn’s parents, Archer and Nadiye Fletcher:

uh... the thing is, Faylinn isn’t a name I can find previously documented use of, but there are the similar names Faelin, Faelynn, and Faylene. All English. so dad gets an English name. but Faylinn's outfit seems to take inspiration from a different culture, and to me it resembles Ottoman-era Turkish traditional clothing. so her mom gets a Turkish name.

currently thinking Nadiye was a merchant from a small community at the edge of Sal’ahari Sands. she traveled to Novelmore to sell her wares, until she settled down with Archer. she still sells homemade textiles and pottery, but no longer needs to travel such long distances to make a living.

Archer, obviously, being an archer. Faylinn was likely taught how to use a bow and arrow by her dad, given the circumstances...

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

Right Person, Right Time

A/N: I’m back to writing some Steve rogers so here’s some angst for y’all :) Pairing: CEO!Steve Rogers x F!Reader Word count: 3,927 words Warning: Angst, swearing, some fighting (verbal) the usual angsty fic

Birthdays are the one day a year when it’s all about you. When the entire day is centered around celebrating you, what you love to do, what you love to eat, your favorite people, everything that you could possibly love is squished into a 24 hour period and that’s essentially what you get.

Some people are blessed with other days too. Christmas and Thanksgiving are taken off to be near family, usually there’s a one week vacation thrown into the mix of the hectic 51 other weeks that separate work and regular life and the dream, relaxing state of what life really should be. But being married to one of the world’s most prominent billionaires meant anything but that.

Steve was devoted. It was one of the most admiral qualities he held, one that he applied to you when he could, but his company and enterprises seemed to constantly be his number one concern. Was he CEO? Yes, and a very active one at that. But CEOs usually don’t do all the work, they have dozens of henchmen around them that do those tasks to make sure everything stays stable while they’re off on a yacht in the Mediterranean.

Despite all the Christmas’ and Thanksgivings, the Easters and weeks of vacation he missed, he always vowed to you that your birthday was the one day he promised to take off every year. He had yet to break his promise, keeping his phone turned off the entire day so the potential shit storm that could be brewing he didn’t have to worry about on your day, instead dealing with it the next.

Maybe that’s why you sat in your bed this morning in utter shock when there was no Steve, not even a hint of warmth wafting from the sheets as an indication that he was there, and then found a note on the side table explaining his great regret for what this day would turn out to be.

Dear Y/N,     First and foremost, I’m very, very sorry. You have no idea how grateful I am for you each and everyday, and I know your birthday is the one day I always take off. But I woke up this morning to a true emergency, one of magnitudes that have to be dealt with today. I will make it up to you, I promise you and cross my heart. Whatever you want, consider it done. I’ve left the unlimited card on the kitchen counter, feel free to take it and have a field day. I think I deserve it for all of this. Again, I’m so very sorry.      Love,         Steve

You were going to kill this man.

A work emergency that he had to attend to and no one else could? Like he didn’t have Bucky and Sam right there to help him, or let’s not forget the thousands and tens of thousands of employees under him. But no, here you were left in a cold, empty bed in this stupidly huge penthouse all alone on your birthday.

You got up with a deep sigh as tears threatened to spill from your eyes, but you confidently pushed them back remembering that you would not let this ruin your day. You had too many of these damn run-ins with him to not know how to enjoy yourself a bit.

You pondered calling up some of your girlfriends to hang out, but remembered what Jackie had mentioned when you asked her about brunch today, “Steve told us all he had a full day planned, and to not worry about you.” She sighed, “So I’m planning on working. But I’ll be at your official party on Saturday!”

Yeah, so Steve fucked that over too. Sure, there were plenty of things to do in a city like New York, but you weren’t really in a shopping mood much. You were shockingly non-materialistic for a woman who’s long term partner was one of the world’s richest men.

You could theoretically travel also, running up to the upstate cottage for a day of relaxing not might be a bad idea, but you held onto the fact that maybe Steve would have some morality and soul in him to just come back mid-day and make it up to you somehow, someway.

That left you with the only other option: embrace being alone. You didn’t mind being alone, you more liked it on your own terms. And maybe to not have to do it on your birthday, but why dwell in a bad situation that you can’t fix?

The old grandpa sweater in your closet seemed to be calling your name today along with leggings, a shockingly simple but cozy outfit for an outing. You had announced to Steve’s security team that you would be heading out and insisted on walking, but two of the guars stayed with you at all times, just relatively far back so it wasn’t too noticeable that they were yours but they could swoop into action if needed.

First stop was the little, local coffee shop a couple blocks down. Their drinks were actually decently priced and tasted way better than any Starbucks you’ve been too, plus the staff was nice which deserved extra tips always.

The next stop was a bookstore a few blocks down, as you were nearly done with your current read and figured that if the plan for today was to do just that, you were probably going to need a new one to start. You tried to hold back from buying multiple, knowing many of them would go unread if you did so, so as soon as you found the one you kept your head down to the register in hopes of not seeing any other ones that sparked interest.

And finally, back home. Steve had made a mini office for you in one of the corner rooms, and you decorated it as cozy as you could. It definitely didn’t match the aesthetic of the rest of the apartment, but this was your space and so you could do what you wanted. 
You swore off on doing legitimate work today, and despite how tempting your desktop seemed to just check and respond to a few emails here and there, you decided to plant yourself in the cushy chair in the corner with a blanket and just read. Your usual drive was to read more challenging books that were actual literature, but a stupid romance novel that was poorly written but had a relatively entertaining plot seemed perfect for today.

But as you read and read you were continually reminded of the driving force of men being- men. Men being stupid and ignorant and just- ugh, being men. It reminded you a bit of Steve, and your emotions began to rise as this dick in the book continued to act like one.

Forgot an anniversary? He’s done that before, well, kinda, he didn’t forget but was too busy to show up for dinner. No present on Christmas? He bought you an absurd amount of presents, but he wasn’t there to open them. Thanksgiving at your parents alone because the man didn’t show up? That’s happened with Steve before. Twice, actually. And finally, what you should’ve seen miles away but didn’t, was today. The “sorry I forgot your birthday”.

You aggressively closed the soft cover with a slap and huffed, looking out the window as your teeth grinded together. How could you have been so stupid to have thought that he would ever care for you more than his business, or his money, or himself? You had this false perception in your mind, a dream almost, that he could just see you and love you as much as he loved the other things in his life. It wasn’t something you had ever asked for, having known from the beginning that it would be hard to even be a little thought somewhere in his mind throughout his hectic schedule everyday, but still.

Sometimes you were sure he forgot that you were the only person who would listen to his rants about whatever it was that bothered him that day. Or you were the person that would keep the oven on low with his food inside if he came home late so it was still warm. Or that you happened to manage all of his non-profits and “give back to the community” organizations to make him not look like a complete dick to the press and the general public, something that at the moment you even questioned.

You had fallen asleep early that night, very possibly from the emotional draining the day had taken away from you, curling yourself up in fetal position on your side so every inch of your skin was covered in thick duvet. You had also popped a melatonin or two, in hopes it would help your slumber come quicker, which it did.

But of course, amidst a good dream, you felt the bed shift slightly. You woke up a bit, and looked over to see Steve getting ready for bed. He noticed you with a smile, “Hey doll.” You grumbled and looked away again, hearing him sigh. “Listen I’m really sorry for today-“

“You’re on the couch tonight.” You announced, sitting up a bit and making direct eye contact with him in the barely lit room, only the small lights from below the window illuminating anything. His face grew more shocked. “Couch. Not guest room. If I wake up and you’re in the guest room I’m going to leave.”

“Leave? I-“

“You’re a dick, Steve. Now sleep on the couch and we’ll finish this conversation tomorrow, or continue it, and I probably won’t be here tomorrow.”

He stood there across from you on the bed with a blank face for a couple seconds, before sighing and leaving the room, walking in the direction of the living room. He had made his bed today, and he was going to lay in it tonight whether he liked it or not. At this point, you couldn’t give two shits for what his excuse was, if he would even tell you, because sometimes he pulled a “it’s really confidential” card which made your face bloom a shade of red in fury.

The next morning you woke up at your usual 8 am, ready to start the day as usual. You were glad when you heard the shower down the hall from the guest room, and not Steve invading your shower for the time being. It wasn’t that you were genuinely that upset at him, you just wanted him to understand how you felt for a bit.

You did your usual routine, brush teeth, shower, dry off, makeup, hair, clothes, and you were set to head to the office for another day of managing charity work and press events. When you entered the kitchen, ready to make your usual fixing of toast that would get you through until lunch, you were met with Steve sipping on his coffee and looking worried as ever.

He wanted to say something, his open mouth a clear indication of that, but your blatant ignorance of him standing there made him freeze and shut it again. This was going to be interesting.

You began boiling the hot water in the kettle, grabbing a tea bag and placing it in a to-go thermos, prepping your bread when he finally spoke. “Baby, can we please talk about this?” He pleaded, his voice actually sounding a bit genuine, like he was in pain.

“Is that strain from actually being sorry or from sleeping on the couch?” You asked, not making eye contact and standing your ground. He sighed.

“I promise I’m sorry, baby, just please talk to me.”

“About what?” You asked, placing a hand firmly on your hip and looking up at him with a quizzical face as you awaited his response.

“Listen, I was a dick, I know, but it was a real emergency and-“ You scoffed.

“Your excuses are old, Steven.” You began, “Find a new one that’s not about work and maybe I’ll believe you.” You popped your toast in the toaster oven and looked back up at him.

“I’m so, so sorry I missed your birthday, really. But I’ll make it up to you, a couple weeks away somewhere or as many fucking things as you want. I don’t care, whatever you want, consider it yours.” He looked at you with damn puppy dog eyes and a jaw slacked in defeat.

“I want you to not forget important dates, and to value me over work.” You stated, your teeth grinding in a firm growl. “Who’s the one who plays therapist after a hard day, hm? Who’s the one who makes you fucking food and keeps it warm when you’re not home for dinner, which is 99% of the time? Who is the one who makes sure you get at least six hours of sleep, and that you don’t kill yourself from stress? Who’s the one who runs all your nonprofit organizations to cover your ass from looking like the stupidly rich and oblivious billionaire that sometimes I think you are.” You were now within a distance of feeling his breath shadow on your skin, standing up to the man inches and inches taller than you, with a much bigger build, and staring him down with eyes of rage and power.

He stared down at you with a genuinely cautious and saddened face, no response leaving his lips. “All I ask of you is to appreciate me. I rarely get it, but for my birthday. And listen, the gifts and shit are nice, but I couldn’t care less if we were dirt poor living like the large majority of people out there. I think it would humble us both, actually. So don’t even start that argument, because I’ve never asked for anything of you, besides right now where I’m asking you to validate me as your partner in everything you do, and for once treat me with equal respect and not just like I’m an asset.”

The tea kettle screeched as it hit boiling point, steam spewing out of its tip. You backed away finally, going to pour the hot water into your mug, closing it, grabbing your toast on a plate, and leaving with him standing there staring.

For the first time in years, Steve couldn’t get any work done.

He was sat at his desk in this presidential suite that he now realized was more daunting with emptiness than anything, the floor to ceiling windows doing nothing but exposing his vulnerability at the moment further.

“Hey boss I-“ Bucky came in a moment later, stopping himself to twistingly admire the man he had known for practically his entire life sit in an awkward daze. “Are- are you okay?” The silence was thick in the air and filled with uneasiness.

“I don’t know, Buck.” He admitted, letting himself lean forward in his chair and sit his elbows on his desk, his hands holding his head.

Bucky shut the door slowly and quietly, trying not to alarm anyone of the different man that sat in front of him. “What’s wrong?” He asked and Steve sighed.

“I totally, completely and utterly fucked things up with Y/N.”

“Hm?” Bucky asked, confused as he approached his best friends desk. “I thought things were going well?”

“Me too.” He sighed, again, leaning back now in his chair, his head looking up at the ceiling. “But she dropped a nuke today. After I missed her birthday and all, I guess- I guess my behavior over the years caught up to me and she just let everything out.”

“Well what’s the supposed to mean?” He asked, sitting on the edge of the desk.

“It means that she feels like she’s an asset to me over a partner.” He explained, “I mean, I can kinda see some of it. But I thought I’ve always shown appreciation to her.” Bucky had no response, instead looking down. “What?” Steve asked, his voice growing in panic.

“I mean, seriously man, did you not see this coming?” Bucky asked as Steve’s face stitched itself in confusion, his eyebrows morphing together in a furrowed expression. “You have such a loving girlfriend who’s been with you for years. You- sometimes I don’t even think you know her, pal. I mean, you buy the nicest things out there for the most un-materialistic woman in the world. She makes dinner after her nine to five and keeps it heated up because you don’t even try to make it home for dinner or to help her. You missed her birthday which is just about as shitty as it gets, and missed Christmas and Thanksgiving last year.” He explained, “If I were her, I would think you didn’t care much for me either.”

Steve let his breath out in a mixture of a sigh/groan and bit his lower lip as he pondered what to do. There was no easy solution, he was essentially being asked to choose between the two most important things in his life. “What do I do, Buck?” He asked next, looking up at his right hand man in desperation.

“You want my honest opinion?” He asked and Steve nodded. “Take a temporary leave of absence.” Steve’s breath nearly stopped as his brain seemed to malfunction somewhere.

“What?” He snapped a bit, looking up at Bucky confused again. “Are you joking?” Bucky shook his head.

“The company’s stable right now, better than ever. It doesn’t look like the market’s doing much in the near future, unless some drastic change happens to the economy or society as a whole nothing will happen to the company for the next few months. Why don’t you take that time off and spend it with her, go travel for once and just enjoy life.”

“I do enjoy life.” Steve argued right back.

“Oh yeah?” Bucky asked in a condescending tone, “When was the last time you two went out on a date?” Steve sat with a blank face, thinking, but found nothing. “My point exactly. If you can’t even remember the last time you had a date with your girlfriend, you’re not living life and enjoying it.”

“I enjoy life through work.”

“And that’s the problem.” Bucky sighed, “You have all the money in the world, literally. You could go anywhere you want, stay at the most expensive hotels, buy multiple yachts and private jets, do whatever the fuck you want. And here you are, still sitting at this desk and staring at paper all day. That’s not enjoyment, Steve. That’s being held hostage.”

“Hostage is a strong word-“

“Would you just give in already?” Bucky laughed satirically. “I mean, c’mon man! This is what Y/N was talking about. You need to look at the world from a different perspective. You’re stuck in this ‘CEO Steve Rogers’ role and not just Steve Rogers. The same Steve I grew up with, the same Steve she fell in love with, the same Steve who worked his ass off in a one apartment dump in Brooklyn for years making building this company up. You’ve become obsessed, Steve, and you need to find yourself again.”

It was an instant, decisive decision Steve had made. He may regret it later, or not, but he had officially announced a three month leave of absence effectively immediately with Bucky and Sam currently playing Co-CEOs while he was away.

It didn’t take long for the news to whip around every news site anywhere. It was splashed on front pages and that was how you happened to find out that your uptight, always planned years ahead boyfriend made a split-second major decision, something you couldn’t have predicted if you would have asked the most experienced fortune teller on planet earth.

You stared at your computer screen for a few seconds, completely flabbergasted, before grabbing your phone and calling Steve. He answered in two rings. “Steve what is going on-“

“Meet me back at the house in 30, okay?”

“Steve what are you talking about-“

“Just trust me. Back home in 30. Love you.”

You weren’t sure where Steve Rogers went, but the man on the other side of that call sure as hell wasn’t him.

You took a deep sigh, wondering what you really should do. Was this a midlife crisis starting early? Was he going crazy? Had he always been crazy? You questioned these things but quickly shook them off. Fuck it, you thought. If we’re gonna do it this way, so be it.

It didn’t take you long to pack your things, check out of the office early but substituting your presence in meetings with some other people to fill in, and quickly left. You sighed to yourself as you entered the back of the large, black SUV Steve always had sent for you, buckling up and leaning on the back of the leather seat. What the fuck was he thinking.

You finally got back to the apartment, opening the grand doors and entering into a surprising sign of life being present, lights on and all. You cautiously went back to the bedroom where some of the house assistants were packing bags, Steve helping a bit. “Hey, doll.” He smiled up at you when he noticed your presence, getting up and walking over to you.

“Hey Steve-“ You were cut off quickly by a firm, and searing kiss. One that had some explosion of electricity you hand’t felt in a long while. “What’s going on?” You asked as soon as he let your lips free, his smiling down at you.

“We’re going on vacation.” He stated proudly

“Vacation?” You asked, dumbfounded, “Where? How long?”

“Wherever you want, but I figured Greece would be a good start.” He smiled, “And three months.”

“Three months, Steven?” You asked in complete shock, “Three months?”

“Yeah, I figured we both needed the break, I could focus on you more and the relationship, it’ll be good.”

“But what about my work? All the meetings and press junkets and announcement and volunteer opportunities-“

“All dealt with and covered.” He smiled at your even more confused face, “I had my people work on it.”

“Steven Grant Rogers.” You stated, crossing your arms. “I- I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” He responded, “I just wanted to make you happy and feel appreciated for once. Listen, I really did do some thinking introspectively, and I was being pretty awful to you. So, I’m just gonna spend a while focusing only on you.”

Your mouth opened in awe at the man in front of you who seemed so different from even the man you were met with this morning.

“I’m sorry for missing your birthday. And Christmas and Thanksgiving, and all the events you planned for the charities that I didn’t show up to. And for all the dates I didn’t take you on, and for all the homemade dinners I missed. I hope I can make up for it now.” You smiled tightly and looked around for a moment at the various luggages being chaotically packed and the window showcasing the city bustling below. But none of that mattered right now.

“Thank you.” You smiled up at him, “Thank you for listening.”

“It was something I needed to do for a long time.” He smiled back, “I just needed the right person to tell me, and that person will always be you.”

[mariana-oconnor]

The Yellow Face pt 2

Last time I was possibly overly critical of Mr Grant (or Jack?) Munro who was not dealing with his wife's curious behaviour very calmly. I stand by the fact that barging into people's houses in a fit of fury is very much not a good response to thinking your wife is lying, but I guess we'll see if I'm right.

“It seemed to be of an unnatural color, and to have a strange rigidity about the features. When I approached, it vanished with a jerk.”

An unnatural colour. Yes, both 'chalky white' and 'livid yellow' at the same time. I didn't bring this up the first time, but I probably should have. Was the face white or yellow? The title of the story indicates yellow, but the first description definitely, clearly, stated 'white'.

“Have you ever seen a photograph of her first husband?” “No; there was a great fire at Atlanta very shortly after his death, and all her papers were destroyed.” “And yet she had a certificate of death. You say that you saw it.” “Yes; she got a duplicate after the fire.”

A lot of very convenient events right there. And of course the death certificate comes up again - although now there is indication that it might be erroneous. I didn't know until recently that apparently you can just go to the hospital where you were born in the UK and say 'I've lost my birth certificate, I need another one.' I assume there is more to it than that, but I can't imagine there was in the 1880s. 'Hey, my husband died of Yellow Fever and I lost his death certificate in a fire, can I get a new one please. Yes, his name was Coen Siddence?"

"Let me advise you, then, to return to Norbury, and to examine the windows of the cottage again. If you have reason to believe that it is inhabited, do not force your way in, but send a wire to my friend and me."

Don't force your way into the other people's house. Good advice there from Holmes. He only follows it sometimes himself, but I do appreciate that he's being clear on this front. Do not break and enter, Mr Munro.

“I am afraid that this is a bad business, Watson,” said my companion, as he returned after accompanying Mr. Grant Munro to the door. “What do you make of it?” “It had an ugly sound,” I answered. “Yes. There’s blackmail in it, or I am much mistaken.” “And who is the blackmailer?”

OK, so probably not her kid. Probably her former husband who isn't actually dead, I guess. Because the death certificate which was so very specifically mentioned is not real.

“Yes, a provisional one. But I shall be surprised if it does not turn out to be correct. This woman’s first husband is in that cottage.”

Welp, theory 1 it is. Theory 2 has been thrown out of the window.

Her husband developed some hateful qualities; or shall we say that he contracted some loathsome disease, and became a leper or an imbecile?

Holmes... I'm not going to bother to unpack that but... okay then.

Right the term imbecile was one of those that used to refer to a very specific level of IQ and apparently there was also considered to be such a thing as 'moral imbecility' which was believed to be connected to genetic criminality and part of eugenics (hoooooo boy). Basically I don't really know what it means in this context, but I'm guessing he's going for the moral meaning rather than an IQ issue as I doubt someone with "a mental age of three to seven years" would really be hatching a dastardly blackmailing plot. Although my nephew can be particularly cunning sometimes in his attempts to get more cake, and he's younger than that, so... what do I know?

HOWEVER.

After all of this, we have to remember that this story started by saying the Holmes was wrong.

So maybe I'm right after all. Hidden child is back on the table, boys!

I was going to put the 'looks like meat's back on the menu boys LotR gif here, but decided implied cannibalism of theoretical disabled children is probably not the best idea I've ever had, so have this gif of Jeremy Brett as Holmes instead.

"She has been married three years, and believes that her position is quite secure, having shown her husband the death certificate of some man whose name she has assumed, when suddenly her whereabouts is discovered by her first husband; or, we may suppose, by some unscrupulous woman who has attached herself to the invalid."

Ah, no... the blackmailer in Holmes version is the northern woman who opened the door and wasn't particularly welcoming. Though it makes no sense why she'd be from northern Britain when the husband would, presumably, have been cared for in the US and she would, also presumably, have had to come over from there with him in order to hunt down his wife.

So she's either really good at accents or... she was British to begin with and knew them over there...?

Taking down with her the photograph which had probably been demanded from her.

This is a very weird demand if Holmes' theory is correct. The photo was one of the things that made me think it was a child, because giving your child a picture of you to look at is just... a nice thing. Taking a photo of the woman you're blackmailing is... I guess it's a control thing, or a weird stalkery thing.

"...on which the wife, knowing that he would come straight down to the cottage, hurried the inmates out at the back door, into the grove of fir-trees..."

Again, a strange detail for the blackmailing plot. This implies that Effie would have had some sort of control over her blackmailers. Surely they would be more likely to stay? Her husband wouldn't recognise the guy, by his own admission. Or they'd leave of their own volition, surely. But allowing their blackmailee to smuggle them from the house seems very weird.

But we had not a very long time to wait for that. It came just as we had finished our tea. “The cottage is still tenanted,” it said. “Have seen the face again at the window. Will meet the seven o’clock train, and will take no steps until you arrive.”

A round of applause, please, for Mr Munro's self control, which appears to have finally returned to him.

“What is your plan, then?” asked Holmes, as he walked down the dark tree-lined road. “I am going to force my way in and see for myself who is in the house. I wish you both to be there as witnesses.”

It was a brief reunion, alas.

“For God’s sake, don’t Jack!” she cried. “I had a presentiment that you would come this evening. Think better of it, dear! Trust me again, and you will never have cause to regret it.” “I have trusted you too long, Effie,” he cried, sternly. “Leave go of me! I must pass you. My friends and I are going to settle this matter once and forever!” He pushed her to one side, and we followed closely after him. As he threw the door open an old woman ran out in front of him and tried to bar his passage, but he thrust her back

Effie... please just talk to your husband. Clearly the 'trust me' line isn't working. Just... like... tell him. I really hope you married someone you can trust. Although, given... y'know, Victorian era etc. maybe you didn't. But communication is a really good strategy.

Jack, Grant... Grack, whatever your name is... Just.. stop barging into people's homes. And telling your wife you don't trust her like that is a dick mood. You need to calm down and talk this through, too.

In the corner, stooping over a desk, there sat what appeared to be a little girl. Her face was turned away as we entered, but we could see that she was dressed in a red frock, and that she had long white gloves on.

Hidden child. HA!

Also... Grack you just frightened a child. I hope you're happy with yourself, you great numpty.

Holmes, with a laugh, passed his hand behind the child’s ear, a mask peeled off from her countenance.

First - mask! Ha again! I mean... you really shouldn't touch the kid's mask without permission, Holmes.

I... did not expect the mask to be hiding the fact that the kid is Black. But I live in the 21st century, I guess. Yeah...

I burst out laughing, out of sympathy with her merriment; but Grant Munro stood staring, with his hand clutching his throat.

At least she's laughing too, I guess. But Grack, you need to prove yourself not a terrible person pretty damn quick. I still have a few shreds of faith in you.

She touched a spring, and the front hinged back. There was a portrait within of a man strikingly handsome and intelligent-looking, but bearing unmistakable signs upon his features of his African descent.

Well that's a super sideways way to describe his race, particularly after the choice of words to describe the kid. Also, hello racist implications of that 'but' right there. Le sigh. This story is really pulling a bait and switch by calling itself 'The Yellow Face', isn't it. You expect racism against one group of people but Surprise! it's about another.

"When I left her in America,” she continued, “it was only because her health was weak, and the change might have done her harm. She was given to the care of a faithful Scotch woman who had once been our servant."

Not going to touch the colourism of the passage before this with a barge pole. That's a whole heap of ugh that I do not have the historical or personal understanding to unpack in a way the subject deserves.

Also, the woman is apparently Scottish, not just vaguely 'Northern'. It does read as a Scottish accent when I look back on it, but still. Coming from someone living in Norbury, which is in South London, 'Northern' could mean anything higher than Watford! Northern? How vague can you be?

(Incidentally if someone from Berwick-Upon-Tweed calls you Southern, it can mean anything south of Sunderland. The Midlands of England is Schroedinger's land. It lives in a permanent superposition of being both The North and The South. Your interpretation depends entirely on which direction you're looking at it from.)

"But when chance threw you in my way, Jack, and I learned to love you, I feared to tell you about my child. God forgive me, I feared that I should lose you, and I had not the courage to tell you. I had to choose between you, and in my weakness I turned away from my own little girl."

Dick move, Effie. On so many points. My theory was waaaaay more charitable to you than you deserved apparently.

"At last, however, there came an overwhelming desire to see the child once more. I struggled against it, but in vain."

Shucks. You wanted to see the child you abandoned. How terrible.

This little girl deserves so much better.

“We can talk it over more comfortably at home,” said he. “I am not a very good man, Effie, but I think that I am a better one than you have given me credit for being.”

That... is optimistic. I mean... you're essentially just walking out on the little girl immediately. But he seems to be saying that he's not racist, at least. So yay for that?

That poor kid. For so many reasons.

EDIT: It has been pointed out to me that I missed a paragraph when I was reading, where he picks up the little girl:

It was a long two minutes before Grant Munro broke the silence, and when his answer came it was one of which I love to think. He lifted the little child, kissed her, and then, still carrying her, he held his other hand out to his wife and turned towards the door.

OK! Far more satisfying ending if your brain doesn't skip a paragraph. D'oh!

That's really sweet. You have redeemed yourself Grack. Still have those anger and trust issues to deal with, but this is good. I approve. And I approve that Watson approves. Yay. There is a happy ending.

Still some marital issues, though.

Not another word did he say of the case until late that night, when he was turning away, with his lighted candle, for his bedroom. “Watson,” said he, “if it should ever strike you that I am getting a little over-confident in my powers, or giving less pains to a case than it deserves, kindly whisper ‘Norbury’ in my ear, and I shall be infinitely obliged to you.

I remember this ending. I like this little nod to Holmes being aware of his own failings. And his trusting of Watson to keep him in line.

Well... I was right. And I absolutely allowed ACD to manipulate me into feeling smug for having beaten Holmes to the punchline. I was not expecting the race reveal, sure. But I think I can be forgiven for that. Effie needs to take a long hard look at herself in the mirror. Grack needs to sit down and deal with his temper problems. And that little girl needs to not be forced to wear a mask and gloves and stay inside all day.

Also, both Effie and Grack need to learn to trust each other. I get different time period, different attitudes, different expectations, but maybe you shouldn't marry a person if you can't tell him about your kid? And maybe talk to your wife rather than going full on B&E?

[kallistcs]

17 for all (or just the main ones) and 9 for paris 👀

Choosing violence, I see. ;) Let's start with nine lol and go from there.

Have you tweaked the character from canon? If so, what did you tweak? Hmm... it feels weird to say "the way he earnestly leans on the divine" both for when it comes to Helen and his faith in that things will turn out right at least initially, war-wise, since we don't have any surviving material that reveals what arguments Paris might have used for himself. But if I have done any big, obvious tweaks, it's probably this.

Like yes, it's at least a little an excuse for him, but also, it has been really interesting to have him earnestly believe that the divine influence and gods involved means he has, if not not done wrong, then done it with more understandable reason, and that they (Troy) will surely be fine because they do still have divine protection. It works out very well together with his general carefree and light personality/attitude.

Are there any ships you can’t stand, why? All righty. I'm going to put this under a cut because it'll get long lol

Ganymede: he doesn't really have any other big ships... I guess the closest would be Hera/Ganymede which I have seen at least once. Aside from how it's definitely been from a "oh, look at them ditch the bad man in their lives and sticking it to him ~together~" or whatever, I definitely... kind of hc Ganymede as way, way too gay for him to ever, ever think of this as a possibility. Never mind that she, you know. Very intently set about destroying his home and family. (Bonus: dark and non-con takes on Zeus/Ganymede. Like. I know why people would interpret it in that way, but I just seriously can't stand it. It's just upsetting, because it goes out of the way to put someone who is completely powerless in a never-ending misery. Aside from that I'm not at all into angst in that manner, part of the point of the fun for me with this ship is that Ganymede, otherwise powerless, gains a whole lot of power exactly because he is loved.)

Paris: ... :') People don't really like Paris enough for there to be any ships to be annoyed by lol Except for Paris being used as an obstacle in Achilles/Patroclus, but he gets that less than Hektor does. Otherwise, the closest would be is that 99% of the Helen/Paris stuff on AO3 is negative in a way that isn't even interesting. To a lesser degree, I guess, Oenone/Paris. But only because of the way it's hammered home he ~abandoned her~ and I'm like. She's a nymph. She doesn't need him in any way a mortal woman might. It's definitely sad to be left by someone you still love, but even if they were, by mortal standards, recognized as married, divorce exists and like. She would have married a teenager while undoubtedly having lived for longer than he has. I don't care about that, but expecting a forever-love from that... (She also definitely is the one with the power between them.)

Adonis: Persephone/Adonis, because I do have some lines in the sand and "woman raising this child as her son and then becoming sexually interested in him" is just... over that line for me lol. Besides, them as purely familial mother&son and Persephone still not wanting to give him up to Aphrodite is much more interesting and fun! (You get fun parallels with Demeter&Persephone that way!)

Angelos: ... girl doesn't have any ships! She doesn't even exist in the same way people have made Makaria exist, fandom-wise! But theoretically, since I hc her as a lesbian, seeing het ships with her would displease me.

Antilochus: ... doesn't really have any ships either. I think what would really piss me off would be making any potential Achilles/Antilochus(/Patroclus) about Patroclus instead (as I just saw a fic imply it was, even when it wasn't even an Achilles/Antilochus ship fic).

Hermaphroditus: The same as above. Buut, honestly Hermaphroditus/Salmacis would just skeeve me out. If one goes with Ovid's version (as my Hermaphroditus does not) she is attempting to assault someone who wants nothing to do with her!

Penthesilea: Oh, this one's easy. Achilles/Penthesilea. Hate any iteration of this, especially when it's not just presented as mutual but her pursuing him. Fuck off about that now. What we have canon-wise is Achilles falling in love/lust with an already-dead woman, no indication of what SHE feels about it. And why would she even be interested in him, anyway??

Teucer: Nothing here, really!

Achilles: ... All right. Achilles/Patroclus, but only because of what fandom and this ship's fans have done with the ship, the characters, and everyone else when it comes to their ship and these characters. It being a juggernaut is just frustrating, but how literally EVERYTHING is made to be about these two, that they are ~the most~ tragic and their story is ~the most~ saddest is like nails on chalk-board. Trojan characters are used as props for this ship, especially Hector who gets pulled in as a handy "third party interested in one of the two", or, in modern AUs, used as a fucking murderer in weird versions of Patroclus' Iliad death.

Dryope and Sinope: Like several others in this list, there's no ships, really. The only thing, I guess, would be for Dryope to be in some sort of tragic love with Apollo, mostly because the version of her story I go with, Apollo and the son she has by him is a byword, at most. It's her nymph companions that are far more important!

[goldeneyedgirl]

this is probably a dumb question but: how do you think the saga would have gone had victoria turned mike instead of riley? what do you think would have happened if it was revealed that bree or fred was/were related to jessica or something like that?

(or if angela really did turn out to be a witch?)

and also, how would you go about involving the humans of forks into all the supernatural stuff if you could rewrite the saga / have free rein?

and also also (i'm done now, i promise, this ask is all over the place, i am so sorry): tara x jacob? i ship it. please tell me more :-D

Ooof, Anon, great questions. Settle in, I've never been known for short answers.

mike.

So if Mike were changed instead of Riley, that's someone that Bella knows and theoretically cares about. That's a disappearance that affects her entire community - Bella works for Mike's family, she spends time with him, her other friends have known Mike for years. I can see Bella being concerned, but not overall worried or invested in Mike's fate too much. Bella comes across as very self-centered and I think that only Jessica or Angela could inspire her to really worry in this scenario. I can see some jokes being made about Edward not worrying about Mike anymore, and having that look very dark during the reveal.

I also think that Victoria would keep Mike a secret, and not let him roam as much as Riley, to have the maximum impact. Victoria got so close to Bella, she killed one of Bella's friends as part of her army. That's extremely scary and messed up.

There's a huge emotional arc of Mike disappearing without a trace, and then Bella coming face to face with him in the battle. And Mike is so confused - he's believed the whole time that he's saving Bella (because Victoria would use Mike's affection for Bella to her benefit) from the terrible, dangerous Cullens, and that he's met his soulmate in Victoria. That Victoria is really a good person who is looking out for Bella and only changed Mike because she loved him at first sight.

I like to think that Mike would have his moment, and turn on Victoria - maybe even help Edward and Jacob destroy Victoria. A nice little framing of the three boys who loved her protecting her. And Mike backing the fuck up away from Bella because he knows he's going to want to eat her if he gets too close.

As much as I think it would be cute and fun if Mike and Bree were allowed to live, and go off together as nomads with kind of a sibling dynamic (and great potential for their return in Breaking Dawn as witnesses; Mike has the advantage of testifying that no one suspects the Cullens of being anything except too rich and fucking weird), I think Jane would have executed both of them, and that Bella and Edward's choices would finally have a human price and a face to them - especially if Mike realized he was on death row and tells Bella to make sure his mom knows that he loved her.

I don't believe that Bella was written to reflect on this kind of thing much, but I do like the idea of Mike's death weighing on her and making her question everything that has happened since she moved to Forks, and Eclipse ending with Bella 'needing to think' rather than accepting Edward's proposal. She's the reason that Mike never graduated high school, why his family will never stop looking for him, why he never got to go to college or get married or have any of the things that Bella can still have.

And then you lead into Breaking Dawn with Bella finally accepting the proposal but asking to put off her change until after college (obviously Renesmee ruins that plan, but the sentiment is enough.) I would also hope that Bella chooses a boy's name of Edward Michael, to honour her friend.

It would be amazing fun, though, to have Mike and Bree return in Breaking Dawn to help Bella, considering each other family, and Mike meets Tanya and is just in awe of this gorgeous woman who actually seems interested in him? It might not be forever, but Mike kind of gets to make lemonade out of the lemons of Victoria changing him. Plus after all his time as a punchline, Mike actually makes friends with the Cullens? He and Emmett are both super enthusiastic about Cullen baseball and video games, he's stunned by how much Rose knows about cars, he gets to part ways with Edward as friends. Feels more fun, but it does lose a lot of the lessons his execution would have for Bella.

bree & fred.

To be frank, I don't think Bella would have cared if Bree or Fred were related to Jessica. I think she would have noticed Jessica's worried and unhappiness, and *maybe* made the connection when faced with them on the battlefield, but she wouldn't have been emotionally invested in them as people. Their execution would be sad, but I don't think it would fundamentally change Bella or her story.

angela.

I've never played with this headcanon much, but I am intrigued. I think that if Angela were a witch, it would be hinted at from Twilight - maybe James' hunt with Bella broke some kind of protective circle she and her family established around Forks. One that the Cullens didn't break because they genuinely mean no harm to the people, and because Carlisle arrived with the intentions of healing and helping.

I feel like Angela's relationship with the Pack could go either way - as an ally who provides healing and protection, as well insight, or as an enemy, someone tapping into powers and knowledge they have no business accessing.

She would definitely have some kind of rune to make sure that Edward doesn't hear anything she doesn't want heard. I think it would be SUPER fun if it were Angela who rocked up to the Cullens house to let them know there was an army being formed, and they needed to do something. Maybe spilling the beans that she's done a good amount of research and worked out exactly who Carlisle, Rose, Jasper, and Edward were, but she's never been able to pinpoint which era Esme, Alice, and Emmett were from, just to really stop the Cullens in their tracks.

During the Eclipse battle, Angela would be with Bella the entire time, creating any kind of protective circle and warding charms she could manage, and be zero-tolerance with Edward and Jacob's competitive nonsense - "Bella's a person, not an object to be fought over." She'd be sent back to the Res after the battle so that she didn't run into the Volturi.

Angela wouldn't end up imprinting on the Pack or anything; she'd go to college, maybe coming back for Breaking Dawn's confrontation during Winter Break (though she would definitely be facetiming during Bella's pregnancy with ideas, tips, and generally trying to convince Bella that the risk was insane and there was only so much that could be done). I think in that scenario, Angela would be the one entrusted with Renesmee, and that Jacob would be responsible for getting both of them away from the battle. Angela becomes a friend and ally to the whole family, and gets to live out her life with a foot in each world because she deserves good things.

humans in twilight.

If I had free reign over Twilight, Bella and Edward would be the B-plot, and Alice would be the protagonist learning about where she came from, and realising Aro wants her as a weapon. Or just a super self-indulgent human Alice/vampire Jasper moment. Or just ret-con a lot of it.

But I digress.

To integrate the classmates into Twilight more, I would let the Cullens have friends. No necessarily bffs, but maybe the Cullens sit at the same lunch table as Jessica and co, maybe Alice joins them sometimes and other times Edward summons her back to the family. Or maybe Rosalie is part of a study group for STEM, or Emmett had a part-time job down at Newtons (a GREAT opportunity for him and Bella to interact in the later books - I maintain that Emmett deserved a much larger role, and that New Moon needs a total overhaul to balance out Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. But that's a full TED talk on its own.)

Just something to integrate them more with their classmates. "The Cullens are kind of weird, but they're okay - Jasper Hale can fix any electronic, it's freaky, but he makes you pay. If you need any tutoring in the sciences, Rosalie Hale is terrifying but so good at it. Alice Cullen is so cute, every year she does the school musical's costumes by herself, and she teaches kiddie ballet classes at the rec center on Saturdays." Give these people some hobbies, some way of still being apart of human life beyond freakin' high school. Give them a reason for them to be accepted on the fringes of their classmates lives.

Have Bella be a little more pleasantly surprised how easily these people accept and want to make friends with her - maybe Tara's dad used to go fishing with Charlie, and she remembers playing with Tara when she was a kid. Maybe DJ Garret's older sister baby-sat Bella once or twice. Maybe Rachel and Rebecca Black text Bella welcoming her back to 'hell' and Bella spends four books trying to conceal what's going on because she doesn't think Rachel or Rebecca know anything.

Then start using them - specifically Jessica. She's a good foil to Bella because she's so outgoing, and Jessica is so fundamentally human that she can represent all the things that Bella is willing to give up. No gift, no trauma, just an ordinary girl in high school from a content family.

It's not Renee that James pretends to kidnap, he grabs Jessica when she shows up at the Swans to study with Bella; It's not Bella that's bitten, it's Jessica. Bella has to witness all this, and the Cullens are more invested because Jessica is fundamentally a nice person to them. Bella sees the horror of vampirism, but Jessica is convinced she just had a head injury.

Then New Moon happens and Emmett attacks Bella instead of Jasper and the Cullens leave. They let themselves get too close in Forks, it's become too much. They got too attached, and this is what happened. Maybe it's not realistic to live like humans anymore. Maybe they have to isolate themselves because of what they are. Make this a family choice, make everyone be leaving something behind - Carlisle, his work; Esme's social circle and maybe a business; friends, jobs, hobbies, just little human things they really wanted but can no longer justify.

Bella's depressed, but Jessica is getting more memories back, and her hand feels kind of weird and that scar looks like a human bite mark? The story isn't fitting together right. Why didn't anyone call the police over James? Why is Bella so depressed?

Jessica has a strong personality, and she definitely isn't going to let all this go... which results in her tracking Bella down at the Res to get some answers just in time to see Jacob transform. And OF COURSE Jessica tells her friends, who don't believe her until Jessica goes digging JUST in time to confront Bella with a full binder of evidence including the fact the Cullens owned the property back in the 1920s and Hoquaim Hospital happened to have a Doctor Carlisle Cullen working for them.

"I saw a guy turn into a giant wolf, Bella, nothing is off the table. Did you know a Rosalie Hale disappeared in New York State during the 1930s? She just vanished, and then her fiance was murdered in a locked room. The photos are blurry but I have copies."

By the time we get to Eclipse, Bella's trying SO HARD to protect her human friends from the Volturi by keeping them away from where Edward might hear their thoughts. Meeting Aro terrified and traumatized her; she's having nightmares. But Jessica has her friends convinced. She has Angela and Eric helping her comb records to find out where the other Cullens came from. It's pretty futile, since she only has two surnames to work from, but she does find a marriage certificate for an Esme Platt to a Carlisle Cullen from the 60s that she's certain is useful.

Eventually, Jessica decides she wants the full story. What do the Cullens want? What happened to her when that guy abducted her? So she gets her friends and goes to the Cullens for a confrontation. And Alice insists they tell them everything because that's how it has to go. There's no way around telling the truth now.

I'd mess with the timeline a lot to so that Bella has more time to develop her relationship with Edward, and so that the actual battle in Eclipse is the night of graduation - Alice's 'party' is just a cover. And Jessica and co want to help; the wolves and Cullens might be fighting and dismembering the newborns, but Mike has a whole camping store of weapons, there's a good likelihood of some of them having shooting skills, get them in the mix - first aid for wounded wolves, starting the pyres, holding some kind of line to warn the Cullens if any get past a certain point towards town. And then someone gets hurt - maybe Eric or Ben get attacked, maybe Nicole gets hurt bad enough she ends up paralyzed. Raise the stakes some more.

Then Breaking Dawn. Jessica hears that Bella is recovering from near-death after the wedding, and she and Angela go to visit Bella pregnant, wasting away. Jessica just rolls her eyes and is like "you really are gunning for Queen of Fucking Terrible Decisions, Swan. Move over, lets watch a movie." Jessica and Angela - maybe even Tara and Nicole - immediately start coming over to hang out with Bella, and help with the research into hybrids. I really find it bizarre that dhampir legends never came up in canon because vampire hybrids are based in actual mythology.

Then they all leave for college. Jessica definitely texts Bella 'Renesmee? What are you, Mormon?' when Ness is born, but it's friendly ribbing. The Cullens defend the presence of the humans to the Volturi by offering them this choice: either you have a dozen kids protecting their home, helping uphold the secrecy laws, and knowing that walking around at night is fucking dangerous in a new way, or you have an entire town slaughtered by newborns in the age of Facebook. Alice's visions of no one spilling the beans helps, but it solidifies to Aro that Carlisle cannot be trusted, that his compassion is also his biggest flaw. That if anyone should die for these humans, it should be the Cullens.

And then the last scene is spring break; Cullens vs the Pack baseball match, and the humans are back to watch and heckle. And Bella gets this one moment that if she has to leave it all behind, she's glad these are the memories and the people she gets to carry with her. The Cullens know that things have to change, that they cannot integrate themselves like this again, so that Forks will always be special to them. The end of an era.

Fade to black.

tara/jacob.

I think most of the rest of that verse is really from Alice's POV, so you don't get much from seeing Tara interacting with Jacob, but you get a lot of Tara having the biggest crush and freaking out that she's made a fool of herself in front of him. A lot of joking, a lot of girl-talk, a lot of "Bella. Look at me. Tell Jacob you are not interested and give him my number, you are a terrible wing-man. I will make a very convincing argument."

I do know that once Tara gets her guy, she gets to spend more time around at the Cullens asking all the questions she can think of (at least half of them are inappropriate), and she and Rose... they aren't friends, but they get along. Jacob is definitely frustrated that Tara likes the Cullens, and wishes she'd 'stay safe'. At that point, though, Alice has friends like a Real Girl (the document is actually called nofriendsforalice.pages) and Tara is laughing at Jacob, that he thinks manicures and pop music and gossip is dangerous.

The reveal is pretty fun, and the whole fic is really about female friendships and autonomy, and Jacob getting a girlfriend that isn't mystically ordained and just likes him for being him.

[marzipanandminutiae]

Madame Marzi I must defer to ur wisdom

Recently you rb’d a painting with some younger ladies and in the tags talked a bit about short hair in Victorian Times

Do you have any reference for how shorter hair was styled at the time? I’ve seen plenty of paintings and such with VERY short hair (post illness or perhaps childbirth) where all you can really do is smooth it back, but what about that awkward, past the shoulders sort of stage where it’s too long to just brush back but too short to do much to? Surely they had some styling guides..?

(Also, a side question— how old would one be before going from shorter skirts to adult/full length ones?)

The two little girls in the garden (probably preteens-young teens)? Yes, I did!

It's hard to find images of women with in-between hair lengths, and I'm not sure why. Possibly because they'd find ways to put it up with false hair, whereas hair too short to put up is more obvious in photos. This could also have to do with the type of woman who has pixie- or bob-length hair voluntarily vs. mid-length: the latter is more likely to be attempting a grow-out, and thus to try her darndest to do The Culturally Accepted Long Hair StylesTM where a lady who chose a much shorter look wouldn't care. If that makes sense? Because, indeed, some of the women with very short hair were not ill or postpartum: ladies could, and did, choose to eschew long locks back then. It wasn't very common, but it happened.

(Nicole Rudolph has an excellent video about localized short hair trends for ladies during the Victorian era.)

You see a lot of these bob-type looks in photographs where the hair is center-parted and either naturally curly or curled on purpose, around the mid-19th century:

(1850s or 60s)

(Author, feminist, and abolitionist Anna Elizabeth Dickinson- no relation to Emily that I know of, though Anna was also a queer female writer around the same era -c. 1860s. She wore her hair short all her life, so it was voluntary in this case.)

(Also 1860s.)

Pre-Raphaelite muse Fanny Eaton frequently appears to have chin-to-shoulder length hair, though given that she was Black with a corresponding hair texture, it's hard to tell what the actual length is- it may be long and looped up in the 1850s-60s styles popular when she was most commonly painted (most free Black women in England and the US wore styles also popular with white women, to the best of their abilities given that fashion plates assumed European-textured hair as the "norm"):

(Fanny Eaton, 1861. Also worth noting that we have no images of what her hair looked like when she wasn't posing for fantastical paintings.)

I've never actually seen an image of a Victorian woman with mid-length hair outside the context of theatrical or artistic images from the end of the century, now I think of it. Huh. It's a mystery, I suppose!

As for skirts, while in earlier periods children had basically worn miniature adult clothing, it became fashionable around the 1830s-40s to dress girls in short skirts and boys in short pants. The usual rule was knee-length until around age 10, then mid-calf-length until somewhere between 16 and 18 when skirts would be "let down" and the girl would start wearing her hair up, becoming a young adult in the eyes of society. (Contrary to popular belief, this had nothing to do with marriage- while you were theoretically eligible for it when you started dressing as an adult, girls/women younger than 20 were still often considered a bit too immature to marry. It wasn't forbidden, but many people thought it unwise. And yes, unmarried young women did still wear their hair up and their skirts long.)

...unless she preferred her hair short, which as you can see, was an option!

[adamsvanrhijn]

Ok, sorry for very random question, but i didnt find any satisfying answer when i tried to look it up. Do you know or have any ideas why after mr van rhijn death it is Agnes who seems to be in charge of running things instead of Oscar who will inherit and "is expected to run the house infinietly" only after her death? (Sorry for bad english, but i tried to be clear haha)

this is a very good question (and is perfectly clear!!) and there are a few things that could be happening!

@ anyone reading this i welcome corrections about inheritance law in 1870s new york

legally, one of the following is probably true:

upon mr. arnold van rhijn's death, control of assets (funds, investments, property/real estate, etc) was transferred from him to agnes, as his wife, for her use but with a clause that it would be transferred to oscar, his only son, once a certain condition had been met — most likely, that condition would be either her death, or, the earlier of either her death or oscar's marriage, or some upon oscar's marriage and the rest upon her death, etc

upon his death, control of assets was transferred from him to oscar, as his only son, with agnes, as his wife, given a monetary income for running her household in perpetuity until her death as the beneficiary of some kind of trust, with oscar (or an appointed overseer) as the trustee/person who legally oversees those funds

the reverse of #2, where upon his death, control of assets was transferred to agnes, who was expected to transfer them to oscar at any point in the future but also given the legal right not to as sole decisionmaker, with oscar as the beneficiary of a fund agnes (or an appointed overseer) controls

upon his death, some assets were transferred to oscar (e.g. investments and some property and whatever else) and some to agnes (e.g. money and the block of houses she lives in and whatever else), with the expectation that agnes would eventually (or upon her death) transfer her assets to oscar (but potentially legally could do whatever she wanted)

i BELIEVE, based on 1960s law reviews that talk about The Before Times but obviously that's 90 years after what we're looking at, that agnes would only have had the right to inherit if mr. van rhijn died without a will. if he wrote a will (no reality where he didn't imo) then he legally could have excluded her. there would have been major social ramifications for doing that, though.

there also was nothing Barring agnes from inheriting, and she had the right to own her own property (in both Pennsylvania and New York) as a married woman as of 1845. as a widow she has no property restrictions at all by default.

in real life with any given matriarch and only son in 1870s new york, any of those could be possible — it depends on the will & testament & any clauses associated with those assets, and that's pretty much up to the person who dies.

unless specified in family legal documents, patrilineal inheritance was NOT legally the default in the USA at this time, and it wasn't necessarily socially the default either — not the same situation as say downton abbey, where there's an entail that specifies only male heirs can inherit, and those entails were both common and were legally the default in England prior to i think the 1880s (but i don't remember the year off the top of my head i might be confusing that with another law). if you Are familiar with Downton Abbey, this is where the whole American heiress thing comes in. (in TGA we see it with Oscar, obviously, & i expect we're going to see a lot more of it in TGA S2.)

and to get back to your actual question, i think REGARDLESS of what the legal situation is, it seems to me that oscar and agnes have an understanding of who is in control of what until agnes dies— like it's theoretically possible that oscar controls all of it already or was given all of it and then was like "congrats mama you get to deal with everything i don't want to deal with [yet]", whether or not as an actual legal change in rights

but i don't think that's likely to be the scenario, based on both canonical dialogue and like. vibes

in the 2nd episode we get the exchange between ada and agnes where agnes says that she can't leave marian the van rhijn money, which Should and Will go to oscar, and also tells ada basically not to worry about being provided for because agnes will outlive her

and from that among other things we can gather that agnes is making monetary decisions, at least where her own household is concerned, until she dies, and is not concerned about others infringing on those decisions. it also implies that (at least some of) the money and house aren't actually oscar's legally yet, and depending on how you look at it, that agnes could if she so chose leave it to someone else

it isn't 100% clear because she could be saying to ada that it legally must/will and that she thinks it should, or she could be saying that she thinks it should [and/or that is an expectation placed upon it, socially] and so it will even if she had the ability not to

even if she is using the money for her own household, she doesn't see the money as hers, she sees it as family money that rightfully belongs to oscar

oscar, meanwhile, doesn't appear to see the money as belonging to him! he sees it as a family obligation, money that has conditions and expectations for use, and that he doesn't have true control over... he wants More, Other money (and heiress money frequently is socially earmarked for the family of the man she has when she marries... not money she is obligated to use for her father's family) for himself. the van rhijn money is for his mother's household and probably like, upkeep of family real estate, etc, & he is not going the prodigal son route here and using it for things other than its socially intended purpose

i don't think any of this actually answers your question because the canonical answer is "we don't know" and the rest of it is viewer discretion... my personal interpretation has been that #1 is the legal situation and agnes is basically just looking after the money but it isn't really hers because it needs to go to oscar at some point

[illithilit]

As promised, here's everyone's relationship info! ( If they aren't here, it's bc I haven't developed them enough in this area. )

Luparon. Demi, possibly asexual, possibly pan?? I'm not sure and neither is it. Probably about the same for romantic interests. Would be quite open to the idea of a polyamorous relationship. No experience with these things at all, or even to the culture of it, really, but would actually be open to and interested in learning. ( Note: very socially anxious individual; will not bring any of these subjects up on its own bc it doesn't know how to approach these things -- BUT will only turn down advances if it's genuinely disinterested in someone. ) Theoretically v willing to be a committed partner, but would want room to learn before committing to specifics like that, but would still stay within whatever boundaries that would have been set going into the relationship.

Mourndax. Homosexual and romantic. Has some experience, part with his first boyfriend in his teens, part with the woman he was forced to marry and have a child with, and some from a string of one night stands he's had since he settled on the surface. Not into polyamory. By default on the flakey side of committed bc he has issues, but is more the type to push people away out of a panic response; NOT someone who would cheat, to be clear.

Blurg. Pan / demi, both sexual and romantic. No experience prior to a ship, as he's a little fucked up from his childhood and needs a certain level of trust and similar interests before he starts to get feelings for anyone. And tbh, despite his culture being p open with sex, he's one that prefers to only have it with someone he has a strong romantic relationship with. Possibly situationally poly, but primarily monogamous. I cannot stress enough that he is the extremely committed sort that takes that kind of thing v seriously.

Grazilaxx. Pan / demi, both romantic and sexual. Good amount of experience prior to a ship, as it has dated and slept with a good handful of humaniods in between leaving its colony and the BG3 era, but they also serve as a laundry list of things it doesn't like in a relationship, so it's a lot pickier than it used to be about entering into such things. Probably only monogamous bc I have a hard time trying to imagine it pouring that kind of energy into multiple people or being okay with its partner doing that.

Orianna. Pansexual, with a strong male preference. Demiromantic. Extremely sexually experienced, as she's someone that likes sex a LOT. Not so romantically experienced, as the first and only time she tried it was one-sided and toxic af. Strictly monogamous if romantic, poly if sexual. Up front, it's difficult to get her to really commit to anyone in any kind of fashion, but if she actually emotionally bonds to someone, she'll happily commit to levels that mirror her affection level. Note: Confident in herself and not the sort to jump at ghosts so to speak ( meaning, not going to see reasons to be jealous when it isn't something obviously romantic or sexual going on ) but is the ugly jealous sort. Highly advised to be 100% certain before asking her to commit.

Amis. Bisexual and romantic. Fairly experienced sexually; some of it with devils, some of it with humanoids. Most of it p rough, which he likes less as he ages. Not super experienced romantically, but has kind of dated an erinyes and a fellow knight. Never actually been in love before Ashen / a ship. Situationally flexible with monogamy and or polyamory; depends on the partner(s) and the situation. The 'I found my person and it doesn't matter if they die when we're young or if we're old, no one else can ever take their place and it hurts too much to think of even trying' level of committed.

Yzare. Asexual and demi / grey romantic. Not at all experienced before a ship bc she's not interested in seeking that sort of thing out, and is perfectly fine with the idea of never having been in a relationship if she never discovers feelings for someone. Strictly monogamous bc she will 100% be a little possessive of a partner. Ride or die level committed.

Methil. Greysexual and romantic. Not experienced in any way shape or form bc he is a traditional squid, and traditional squids aren't even allowed to form platonic relationships, so he's literally never considered romance or sex. Could possibly be convinced of it if the subject was broached, as long as he's not actively in a colony. No idea on the rest tho

Cherish. Homosexual and romantic. Hadn't had any experience before Nephris, I think bc he's never had anyone but Nephris stay in his life long term so the idea was terrifying. Wholly monogamous. Committed body and soul to Nephris in the most unbreakable flavor there is.

Varen. Pansexual and romantic. P well experienced, bc tbh if you're down, he's down. V open and willing to love emotionally or sexually. Willing to go either way with monogamy or polyamory tbqh; the joke of the campaign he was created for was that the party was a polycule with a freshly adopted corvid child, but would also commit to only one person if that's what they wanted and he's in love. Not super committed by default, but would absolutely be the sort to follow a partner to the Hells and back without being asked.

[cfr749]

Her next question surprises him. “What was it like? Your wedding, I mean?”

He notices she doesn’t refer to it as his first wedding or his wedding to Isabel. He’s not entirely sure what to make of that.

She seems genuinely curious, though he’s now wondering if bringing up his wedding to Isabel was wise on a night when they are [theoretically] supposed to be celebrating their own, joyous occasion that it was.

“It was actually kind of a dumpster fire, if I’m honest. My family is —” he tugs uncomfortably at his collar, as he again second guesses the direction he is taking this conversation.

Lucy laughs softly, “I mean, you’ve met my family. So you know I’m not in any position to judge.”

He squeezes her hand. “Let’s just say that there were plenty of tears and a pair of dentures in the chocolate fountain by the end of the night. But other than that… uh… yeah, we were really in love and celebrating that with the people we cared about, so it was pretty wonderful.”

She nods, and she looks a little wistful. He thinks back to how disappointed Genny and Angela had been in him after the ceremony. And Tim can’t help but wonder if Lucy regrets not getting to have that experience, regrets deciding to do any of this.

No matter how things turn out for them at the end of this — the idea of a wedding, the experience of getting married, is always going to be tied to this for her.

He may not have gotten his happily ever after, but he’d still gotten to experience all of the incredible moments of his love story with Isabel.

He hadn’t wanted to carry the weight of those things for some random woman he’d never met and, subsequently, hadn’t given it all that much thought. But he’s thinking about it now, feeling the weight in his chest in an entirely different way.

Read Beneath Your Beautiful, Emotional Intimacy now.

[quill-of-thoth]

Letters From Watson: The Second Stain

Crimes in Context: Blackmail edition!

Blackmail, especially against women, is going to come up a lot in these stories. We’ve already been over the fact that women, whether married or not, had limited control over their own financial security, and what control they had depended on what other relatives, usually male relatives, had previously set up to provide for them, so the stability of her marriage could not be separated from her financial stability. 

Mrs. Hope, being the youngest daughter of a Duke, presumably has some security if her marriage fails, or at least more opportunity than the average middle class woman of the day, who may not be able to rely on a titled father or brother for financial support should her husband decide to leave her. Unfortunately, as a noblewoman and the wife of a high ranking government official, gossip magazines and newspapers would be more interested in the scandal of her love letter than they would be for an average Jane: even if her husband weren’t at all jealous, a public scandal over what we would consider an extremely minor thing today would be a long term nuisance to both of them.  Two kinds of indiscreet letters There’s also the matter of the letter itself. Hilda describes it as an "indiscreet letter written before my marriage—a foolish letter, a letter of an impulsive, loving girl,” and that description could cover a pretty large territory. Victorians were especially into deluding themselves that women, specifically, never had any sensual or sexual desire outside of marriage, and the higher class you were the more important it was for a young woman to uphold that image. A mere hint of romance within a letter - or even a non romantic letter to a man that implied any sort of closeness that could be construed as romantic - could have been "indiscreet” enough to, if not cause public scandal, severely damage Hilda and Trelawney’s marriage.  Based on the urgency of Hilda’s actions and her pleas to Holmes, I’m presuming it was an actual love letter, possibly to a man who was not a good match in terms of wealth or station but who Hilda had strong feelings for. If she didn’t mean any harm by it, he was probably unmarried, and probably someone she knew personally - someone she might have once convinced herself, on the strength of her feelings for him (or their feelings for each other) could be a match for her. It could also have been more overtly sensual, it could have referenced plans for Hilda and it’s recipient to meet, it could have had a number of aspects that would have been mild transgressions in context but would have been blown up out of all proportion by the fact that it was being used as blackmail. As you see in relationship advice columns all the time, the idea that your spouse is communicating with someone who they could theoretically be attracted to and you don’t already know all about it is still fodder for wild and often irrational jealousy. After all, if you didn’t know about it, it must be because they were hiding something! (Side note, but I’m writing this up on valentine’s day, and people: STOP TRYING TO BE THE ONLY RELEVANT PERSON IN YOUR PARTNER’S LIFE. I may be preaching to the crowd here but really: Be better than these Victorians.) Similarly, the stolen letter seems like a mountain made out of a molehill for those of us who live in the age of politicians taking to twitter to, at best, insult one another and the people of their own country. Without absolutely confirming the country of origin, or the writer, of the letter, I can’t really do much research to speculate on whether a piece of international hatemail could actually start a war at this time period. It is, however, also possible that its in-text description is deliberately understating the actual contents. It’s also possible that the idea that it was merely hate mail (possibly from one of Queen Victoria’s angry grandsons, perhaps Wilhelm 2?) is a multiple decade after the fact invention to take the place of a more obviously relevant or inflammatory document. Personally, I don’t intend to press too hard on the fictionalization theory for anything that is adequately explained by the text. So I’ll leave you with an imagining of potential modern equivalents: Hilda’s flirty text to a guy she matched with, and Kaiser Willy 2′s tweet “fuck grandma’s military, they’re always interfering with places I want to conquer.”

[comparativetarot]

Three of Wands. Art by Nara Lesser, from Neurotic Owl’s Faerytale Tarot.

Wands, wands, wands.  I went with Hans My Hedgehog for this card, which some of you may actually know from Jim Henson’s Storyteller for a change!  But basically it’s a Beauty and the Beast variant – Hans is top half hedgehog, bottom half man, so like the Cat’s ideal mermaid from Red Dwarf but, y’know, pointy and fuzzy.  

He makes a deal with two different merchants that the first thing to greet them on their return home is his.  Merchant A gets greeted by his daughter but just nopes out of the deal, and so Hans pokes the poor girl with his quills and excuse me, she did not make this dumbass deal with you, go stab her father you half-hedgehog dick.

Merchant B, to his credit, doesn’t WANT to send his daughter to marry this weirdo but she insists.  Naturally once she comes to marry him he whips off his hedgehog pelt, tosses it in the fire, and is revealed as a handsome dude and they theoretically live happily ever after.  Clearly they have a similar sense of what constitutes a binding agreement so I guess that’s something?

Also I changed the bride’s height several times because I intended her to be a trans woman (as usual that’s mostly in my head because all of my characters look fairly cartoony and femme regardless) so I thought about making her taller, but also I didn’t want to reduce the impact of Hans looming over her.  If you kind of measure out where a human head would land on him without the hedgehog body they’ll be close to the same height post-transformation, which I find really nice with a partner personally.