#now i’ve just made myself sad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blueliliesblueroses · 10 days

Text

POV: your last look at your moon princess girlfriend

171 notes · View notes

cable-salamder · 1 month

Text

Mad that they removed seemingly every trace of Misako do you know how badly I want to see her interact with Arin so they can bond over being spinjitsu-doers without elemental powers. Off to make five billion hcs now goodbye

#i hadn’t even noticed it at first #but yeah they even removed montgomery from lloyd’s full name #anytime he says the full thing it’s only ‘’lloyd garmadon’’#what did they do to her :(#(i guess i’ve tried to ‘’console’’ myself that the reason they’re not looking for her is because.. she’s dead? idk #i don’t want her to be dead really but it’s the only way i can say that they would not look for her because they know she’s gone #(sorry for the random angsty ass hc i’m sad again now))#ninjago #lego ninjago #dragons rising #ninjago dragons rising #ninjago arin #arin ninjago #misako ninjago #ninjago misako #i’ve made my peace with her and now i just want her back :/#ninjago hcs #cable hcs #< ig? in the tags i suppose

275 notes · View notes

silkjade-archived · 24 days

Text

i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….

#or maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now #everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point #i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person #lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before #everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me #what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz #but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but #it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to #because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but #over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner #idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From #i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here #if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil

20 notes · View notes

ickypuppi3 · 2 years

Text

franz kafka // billy & steve

#+ words #billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove #do you ever think about #billy wanting to leave #planning to leave #saving up to leave #then getting with steve and #.. yeah #either staying and enduring all the shit he does anyway #staying under neil’s roof even though he now has a ‘choice’ as such #because of steve #or leaving #and telling steve that they would just end up resenting one other if billy stayed #GOD #no one talk to me i’ve made myself extremely sad about this

288 notes · View notes

alluralater · 4 months

Text

sharing my health progress from the last month <3

april 28th: extremely ill + no sleep in days, no food in 8 or 9 days, extremely dehydrated, still trying to smile through it

may 19: eating a cheese stick or a meal once a day, sleeping better, drinking water like a pro, getting some of my color & health back

today, may 29th: feeling much better + eating at least one meal a day :) still lots of pain and nausea in the mornings but i’m doing a lot better!! can’t drink 64oz of water per day like before but i’m really grateful that i’m able to drink a little more than a quarter of that and im SUPER excited to get back to the gym in the next few weeks. i’m looking more and more like my normal self each day <3

#allura.jpeg #seeing it all side by side is really encouraging <3 #things were a little scary there for a bit lmfao but i’m extremely happy for the progress i’ve made in the last month and wanted to share <#my muscles atrophied a bit unfortunately but that just means i gotta build em back up. let’s do thisssss (in a few weeks. if i went now i’d #probably pass out halfway through my cardio)#anyways yeah :)#oh AND i wanna say that im really happy to be falling in love so- there’s that too 🩷#none of these have filters on them and #it makes me so sad to see how dead my eyes look in that first set. i took the other silly one because the one showing my eyes and such #scared the fuck out of me. i try to take pictures of myself smiling when i feel really fucked up physically but yeah that was hard to see.#glad i have them to look back on now though and see such a difference!

31 notes · View notes

roseworth · 4 months

Text

my urge to remake my rose reading list is constantly at war with my urge to do nothing forever

#i could fix her (my own list that i made myself and could fix at any time)#it’s fine as is but it would be different if i made it now #not drastically different. but different.#first of all i don’t like how i organized it #second of all there were some issues i didn’t put on it and i KNOW why i didn’t include them. but i’m so sad they’re not there #like the issues of rose getting kidnapped in ds91. they’re not on the list bc rose does very little in those #and it’s a rose list and not a lili list… but i really like what lili’s up to in those……….#plus i feel like i was too harsh with some of the tt03 issues i didn’t include #i’ve actually tweaked the list multiple times since i first posted it but it’s always been just minor changes #idk 💔 perhaps once i get through all her elseworld appearances i’ll just make a full list of Everything

7 notes · View notes

spacespore · 12 days

Text

HI TUMBLRR it’s me

#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm #im right #ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa #all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too #but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now #anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them #but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of #idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad #but I never held it against them cause we were children #but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen #well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik #them as much Lol #I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually #for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it #im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked #out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha #that’s how Francis came to be #and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol

4 notes · View notes

whitehartlane · 7 months

Text

was walking down the street today and someone wanted to collect donations for something and they addressed me with a “hi girl!” and i wanted to crawl into a hole and die :-(

#ah it’s not their fault i don’t pass but it still hurt very suddenly #i get addressed as mädel soooo much esp if i’m out w friends who are girls #that’s just how germans are they’ll go ‘hi mädels’ or ‘seid ihr bereit zu bestellen mädels’ or whatever #but man :( it made me sad i couldn’t rly get myself out of the funk as i usually can #which upsets me bc every time i think i’ve made my peace w it i realise i haven’t 🥲#i’m still a bit fucked up by it since now it’s making me think abt my family and whatnot ugh #sorry for rambling

6 notes · View notes

carniecarnage · 18 days

Text

small talking to myself kinda post pay no mind

#I’ve been wondering a lot about myself and my place in things again lately #Been thinking about my identity and who I want to present as and how I act #Someone who I used to consider my best friend broke me down so miserably that I’ve grown to hate myself for everything-#that they would shit on me for.#It makes me think about when I was like that to someone I cared about #And it makes me really fucking sad #I’m proud to say I’m not that person anymore but knowing I invited it back into my life-#through another person that I continuously made excuses for #It’s like I felt obligated to be miserable as some stupid egotistic self righteous karma #And I truly hate that. I hate that I let it go on for so long because I hated myself too much to change it #It’s okay now but I still reflect on it often #I’m constantly wondering if I’ll go back to being shitty or if I’m letting myself be abused again #It’s messed with my view of myself. My view of my looks. Of my gender. Of my trauma #Of my humor. Of my tastes. Literally everything #I haven’t been able to repair my trust with myself enough to trust others and it fuckin blows man #It sounds stupid saying it out loud I guess #But I can’t keep bottling it or I might implode #I think that things will be fine with time and continued effort #Just need to spend some time really thinking about where I want to be in the future #I think I want to start therapy but voluntarily this time #Maybe a professional will be able to help me sort it out #vent #rant

3 notes · View notes

angelstrawbabie420 · 2 months

Text

felt

#anyway im gonna vent real quick #it’s absolutely crazy to me how much my relapse into self harming/cutting has made my anxiety worse #bc until i was 18 whenever my mom’d find out i’d cut i’d just be punished emotionally and physically to the point i am now looking over my #shoulder constantly paranoid that i’ll be hurt somehow bc i’ve relapsed #despite now being an adult and my parents being dead #it’s crazy how i constantly feel like i’m being watched 24/7 even when i #im entirely home alone bc my privacy was invaded so severely and my every move picked apart constantly my whole childhood #i can never behave like my true genuine self bc im terrified someone will find out and ridicule me for it #it got so bad i started to have panic attacks & literal hallucinations over it when i was younger #and it’s so sad to me bc i was struggling SO horrifically w trauma and abuse as a child and i felt like self harm was the only way to cope #and yet i was never met with any understanding or help i was just told i was attention seeking/hurting everyone around me/making ppl’s lives #hell and though there’s no way anyone would find out unless i told them now and there’s no one to control me over it #i still feel like the biggest burden on earth for coping any way i can to keep myself alive #every time i’ve done something to keep myself on this earth i have been told i’m being so selfish #yet if i chose the alternative and actually killed myself it would be all ‘oh gone too soon we loved them blah blah blah’#you treated me like i was dirt that i was was desperately clawing along in an attempt to survive #it’s as if these people would rather me have died #i do not know how to heal the decades of damage this has led to. i don’t know how to move forward #all i’ve ever been good at is being a nuisance to others that they’d rather drop like hot garbage #anyway. i cut so bad last night my entire fucking upper arm burns #i haven’t done it that bad in years. i can usually stop myself after just a couple but not this time #i just feel so guilty and heavy and gross and disappointing. even tho the only ppl who know are those who i confide in #whatever #sh tw #dlt ltr

5 notes · View notes

titsthedamnseason · 11 months

Text

my roommate cut my hair for me tonight and at first i was (secretly) sad because it is wayyyyy too short but then i realized. i literally just got the 1989 chop. like this was all meant to happen this way

#nooo bc like 😭 it is NOT her fault. it is entirely my fault #i have curly hair (maybe i should start straightening it just to fully live out the aesthetic lmao) and i made the rookie mistake of showing #her where i wanted it to fall when it was DRY #and on top of that obviously when it comes to hair cutting everyone is always doing too much #but my friend is soooo cautious and gets anxious about these things so i honestly thought she wouldn’t do enough #and would kind of ask me while doing it in increments #like last time when i had my roommate cut my hair i couldn’t even tell that she did ANYTHING #but anyway yeah she definitely went shorter than where i pointed which already was faulty in the first place because i forgot how much it #would curl up #i mean i’m actually happy because it’s been frustrating me how absolutely tangled it’s been getting so that’s a relief #but i’m mostly sad because it’s about to be halloween #and i wanted my dead ends GONE for halloween because i am being barbie. who has notoriously perfect hair!#and they definitely are but i also lost all my length #like i’m trying to tell myself it’ll grow back soon but the last time my hair was this short was maybe like two years ago #and i’ve missed my long hair so bad it was finally starting to come back #but now it’s gone again and i have to start all over ☹️ and my barbie hairstyle options are severely limited #i will probably do braided pigtails #mine

15 notes · View notes

romantichopelessly · 2 years

Text

do you ever feel like you aren’t actually feeling an emotion, just thinking about it?

#delete later #I think I dissociated a bit too much or smth and now I’m wondering if I’ve been simulating humanity my whole life #but also like. every time I feel something I tend to like. actively think about it #like I don’t just get sad feel sad cry and move on #if I’m sad or anxious or etc etc I will Think About it.#like intellectualize my emotions?#like I’ll actively think about what made me sad and my mind will string together like. lines of text describing all my symptoms of sad #or whatever emotion #like I’m writing the feelings into myself. like I’m some kind of robot trying to feel the most sad #or again. whatever emotion #like I’m trying to capture the emotion #anyway just kind of felt. blank. out of nowhere and caught myself thinking abt it like I was trying to fill in a different emotion #idk #I’m shutting up now

36 notes · View notes

funeral-pyree · 1 year

Text

thinking about how ellie and joel coded this is and now i wanna throw up

#this song is already so sad and now i’ve just made it worse for myself #ellie williams #joel miller #the last of us #tlou #ethel cain #preachers daughter #tlou lyrics

12 notes · View notes

philsmeatylegss · 2 years

Text

Me like 99% of the time: “Lol, yeah, I was super suicidal and severely mentally ill when I was 13/14. I was so cringe. Glad I’m better and can make light of the topic. What a wreck lol”

Me that 1% of the time: …I was suicidal when I was 14

#never realized how fast I moved on #I went from being super sick and once I got better I just erased the past #everything that happened then was something cringe my middle school self did #MIDDLE SCHOOL #I WAS A CHILD #no child should ever be so sad they want to kill themself #I guess I’ve never given it thought #never mourned or reflected what I lost and what happened to me #I guess it’s just easier to completely separate that part of me than remember it #because it’s painful and hard to remember #I wasn’t a good person then I was in a lot of pain and I was so young #no one wants to think about that #but now I have such a huge disconnect between that time of my life and who I am now #I’ve completely made that part of my life a separate entity #and it’s literally been this past month or two that’s i realized this #I’ve spent the past three-ish years just making fun of myself at that time period because it’s easier than thinking about that part of #my life #it’s a chapter I don’t want in my story but keeping it out leaves this awkward blank space #I’ve never been good at receiving apologies or praised for doing something hard #and looking back and admitting that I was so sick so young and was able to get over it is something that’s fucking amazing and fucking #horrifying and I’m allowed to feel those things without pushing it away and making a joke about it #this is so random I meant for this to be a lol relatable post #delete later #rae’s rambles

27 notes · View notes

arolesbianism · 4 months

Text

Ok yeah I’m a little obsessed with them

#keese draws #oxygen not included #jackie stern #olivia broussard #I’m experiencing joy and whimsy allow me to be cringe for a time #anyways ferret jackie snuggling with her tail is my favorite image now #and olivia eating pecha berry is my second favorite look at her #if I’m the only one making fanart of these two I must train myself to go insane over my own art it’s for my own survival #even if I don’t have the motivation to make a full drawing rn #plus it’s good practice for me to get better at sketching sketching is usually big biggest roadblock to making the pieces I wanna make #anyways I was nowhere near consistent with sizes here but I like to imagine that olivia is significantly smaller than jackie #jackie is very large by furret standards and olivia is very small by bibarel standards #again didn’t draw that well here since I was being lazy with jackie but just imagine I did draw it well #honestly it’s going to be a miracle if I ever get around to designing anyone else in this au I have favorites #plus some of the ideas I have are going to be. annoying to excecute to put it mildly #it’s my own fault no one is forcing me to make ada an aegislash but I’m going to complain abt it anyways #although tbh liam as a panpour is probably going to be harder for me since at least I have a silhouette in my head for ada #and then there’s yanma ari and kabuto hassan who are deceptively easy sounding #as in my gut says oh yeah that’s easy but my brain says oh this is going to be hell #otto as flaaffy is another one that Should be easy but I know it’ll be hell since I have no ideas for their shapes #and I’m never drawing mi-ma since for some ungodly reason my brain decided to cling to making her metagross #and then my only other idea as of now is galvantula ellie but I’m not set in stone on that one #honestly if anyone has suggestions for the other scientists feel free to shoot them at me #or just wants to share what they’d make any of them even if it’s the guys I’ve already decided on I’m still not set on some of them and #it’s fun hearing other ppls ideas #real sad thing for me is that this is probably going to be pmd au number 2000 without any good zorua candidates 😔#nails comes close but the shapes man the shapes don’t call to me #also color pallet would be hell I’m sorry bestie but your hair is such an ugly color #ohhhh wait what if I made them a trubbish…. that could work honestly #I’ll also totally need to make someone a vanilite as the worlds number one vanilite defender

3 notes · View notes

francesderwent · 2 years

Text

it’s not that I think I’m never going to get married. it’s that I am never going to get married the way I thought I would. I am not going to fall in love with a nice young man, get married in a whirlwind of youth and optimism, and have ten kids. I am not going to learn who I am as an adult as part of a team, with my partner by my side. that story is currently going on with my college friends who are celebrating fifth anniversaries and having second kids, but I missed the start of that timeline and it went on without me. I am not going to have that story, I cannot. I am not young and naive enough. I have already grown into who I’m going to be by myself, figured out adulthood and built my own habits without a partner. I cannot have ten kids, I literally don’t have enough years of fertility left. and there’s no conveniently single male friend waiting, Gilbert Blythe-like, in the wings of my life who could turn things around quickly so that I could even begin to catch up. my story will be something else - might be meeting someone in my thirties or forties, probably falling in love slowly because of the trust issues, and maybe having two or three kids, maybe adopting more. it’s a fine story. it could probably make me very happy. but it’s not at all the story I thought I’d have. I always wanted my mom’s life, and I am not going to have it.

#a version of this has been in my drafts for something like three years #I’m posting it because it’s why the movie made me so sad #and because maybe other people are weighed down under this today too #idk my sister and her husband and daughter have been staying with us for a couple weeks #and I love seeing them #but I worry that I’m just way too set in my ways to ever have that now #I worry that I am so used to being by myself and doing what I want to do #that there’s too much selfishness in me now #that the same self-assured independent qualities which make it hard to fall in love #would actually make me a bad wife and mother #and that’s what I’ve been thinking about for the last two weeks!#happy birthday to me #in which cate tells stories #discount chocolate day

33 notes · View notes