#now im getting feelings abt MY synagogue

[manicpixiedreamjew]

hi. i don't want to trouble u so if u don't want to answer this feel free to ignore it. it has been my dream for years to convert to judaism and i've been in contact for a while with a synagogue in a town near mine, participated in shabbat services and some high holidays even (rosh hashanah was my favorite), started reading the recommended books etc. i loved it all but once i mentioned the unjust treatment of palestinians by the israeli government and my politics which are generally very left-leaning i was told that the palestinians aren't oppressed, that no jew thinks like me and that with my views it would be more than difficult to get close to the jewish religion and i was basically told to distance myself from the community. this was a progressive synagogue btw. i live in germany and in one of its smallest states population-wise as well, so now due to this rejection i'm kind of losing hope to be ever able to realize my dream. i assume you'refrom the us and i know the us has a big jewish minority while germany has a very small one for obvious reasons. i have a lot of understanding for why zionism exists but i simply can't agree with it bc it goes against my morals. i can't feel patriotic for any country. and personally i do not agree that being a leftist and a jew is mutually exclusive. i get the impression from your blog that you are a leftist as well. did you have any such problems when first getting in contact with a jewish community? i don't want judaism to be a space where i need to leave my morals at the doorstep (that would be ironic and nonsensical to me) and hide things abt myself (like that i'm a leftist, lgbt, mentally ill) but i'm scared now that this won't be possible. anyways. hope you're having a nice day/night. here's a monke for u. 🦧

ty for monke!!

im so sorry youve had this experience, as far as my own experiences go, this sort of treatment is extremely unusual for any liberal or leftist jewish circles in the us. i myself am not versed in the israel/palestine conflict but my rabbis are, and they CONSTANTLY speak out against the injustice happening over there, and they offer unbiased tours of israel where you go talk to palestinians and israelis both

i dont consider myself zionist or antizionist and i really have no energy to go into the whole shebang debate, so i will publish this and see what my followers have to say :) pls no vitriol or meaningless political fighting on this post this person is genuinely confused and hurt

anon if you want to private message me i can get you in contact with my rabbis who could explain this better than any of us could i bet!

[jewishomgcp]

i know people like to imagine Jack going to shul and stuff, but like imagine if you will that the Zimmermanns were really trying to be practicing when Jack is little, like going to service one a week, having big get togethers on the High Holy Days, etc etc. Well, imagine as Jack gets older, with his parents careers and hockey, that once a week becomes once every two weeks, then once a month, then just going for holidays, then just saying “Oh, Alicia, did you know today is Rosh Hashanah?” “Haha, let’s get some Chinese to celebrate and try to be all together tonight then”. So Jack feels like he lost something along the way. He loved the structure of services, how they were always the same but the meaning you can give to different prayers can change the entire experience; how no one asked him about hockey, just school and friends and pinching his cheeks and asking if he wants more food; how calming the music was to him, how singing a certain prayer could help him when having an anxiety attack. He feels like he’s grown up and lost this. So, after the overdose, doctors and his parents ask him what they can do to help him gain structure, some sort of home base, and he just kind of gets embarrassed but says “Take me to Temple?” and so he starts going every week and getting sort of involved with the goings on, maybe teaching the b'nei mitzah kids Torah trope because he remembered he liked the patterns and was good at it (i headcanon hes a good singer dont look at me) and that’s how Jack Zimmermann rediscovers his Jewishness on his own terms, choosing to become more religious as an adult. — broadwayholster

im dead and also cryign bc everytime i think abt jack zimmermann rediscovering his jewishness in the aftermath of his od i get really emotional??? like he doesnt have a lot of time for it at school or w the falconers but he tries to go to shul when he can and sometimes he just sits in the synagogue and he feels more peaceful

[nitzavim]

antisemitism tw

somebody tell me how to do "keep reading" cutoffs

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already ranted abt this but real talk I've gone past shock and now I'm just really really mad

and I'm not usually an angry, hate-y person but idk how else to respond to a fucking synagogue getting vandalised

I didnt want to think about it but my friend said his family is afraid there could be a shooting and theyve been discussing it ever since the rabbi told them what happened

and I was crying earlier bc idk I cant deal with this it's a lot

I was scared enough with the "go back home" shit from the president because hello, I've been scared of internment camps and having my/my Asian mom's citizenship questioned since forever

and this is a whole other level

I cant even try to ignore this shit if I wanted to anymore because all of it is right in front of my face

idk just Gd forbid that anything bad happens

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but man, it is 2019. how is this happening.

fucking. swastikas. on peoples' houses. in 2019.

how the fuck.

the fact that they know where Jewish people live is bad enough.

but like

this synagogue vandalism isnt even on the news.

partly because the rabbi doesnt want it to be, so the nazis dont feel accomplished or anything

but like

a synagogue was covered in swastikas, one that is right off a main road, and it took the rabbi seeing it for it to be reported.

a window got broken. in close viscinity to SEVERAL HOUSES, likely in the middle of the night, and nobody reported it. how did nobody hear it? hell, how did nobody SEE WHO DID IT.

you would think it didnt even happen.

and let me reiterate that people are being targeted

and evidently nobody outside of the Jewish community really knew about it bc I sure as fuck didn't know and neither did anyone else I've talked to

I don't have to tell you how dangerous that is

like, my friend only knew about this because he personally knew a lot of the people whose houses got vandalised

and the thing is? most of them didn't want it getting on the news, either

because they didn't want to encourage and/or anger whoever did it

and I'm like

I wasn't aware that we were living in fucking 1940 here.

and man, I had never seen these stopsigns

because THEY'RE ALL IN PREDOMINENTLY JEWISH COMMUNITIES.

they're not doing this where I live because they're doing it around the Chabad house and the Orthodox synagogues and in places where there's a distinct Jewish community

so NOBODY FUCKING KNOWS ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT NEVER MAKES ITS WAY OUTSIDE THESE COMMUNITIES

I have another friend who goes to a Reform synagogue. she didn't know this was happening. she had no idea. she had never seen the swastikas and didnt know anyone who had their house vandalised because that synagogue isnt in a Jewish neighbourhood and everyone there is kind of from all over

like dude this is fucking terrifying! whoever is doing this knows exactly where to go and they know exactly what theyre doing!

this isnt edgy teenagers making bad jokes, it's fucking actual nazis marking people and targeting communities and knowing where to find Jewish people

and this is so fucking horrible

I don't even know

I kind of need to chill or I'm going to drive myself crazy

but I'm absolutely not going to chill and I'm just going to be scared forever now I guess

how can I let my emotional guard down when it seems like every gun in a 100 mile radius is pointed at my friend and nobodys even doing anything about it and something could happen at any moment

and whats worse is that I'm in the process of emailing rabbis now

the guns could be pointed at me soon

what if when I join a shul something like this happens there

what if when I join a shul I end up getting myself and my family targeted somehow

idk

Im kind of falling apart rn

I never thought this would be so close to home for me

and this is all just

a lot