#now with more consistency and proper grammar and capitalization! fancy!

[samble-moved]

RoboHomu AU (Reboot)

A hopefully better version of this initial post, now that I (mentally) have the AU further "finalized".

First off, the whole AU is based off the idea that the Madoka Magica setting is a sort of "twenty minutes into the future" setting where technology is more advanced, but nothing crazy or incomprehensible. I use this as a setting due to some canon hints, like Madoka having a holographic keyboard, and the strange architecture shown. The Puella Magi Wiki actually has an article with some speculation on when the series is set, where the Director Shinbo "described the setting as 'in the near future, or a distant future' in an interview".

Now, onto the AU.

Kyubey and Homura's Wish Effect

The whole AU is also based on Kyubey's apparent track record of intentionally twisting wishes and/or taking them as super literal, in ways no human would. He's shown time and time again to almost maliciously misinterpret wishes, ignore implications or intent of them, etc.

Homura's exact wish is two desires in one:

1) I want to re-do my meeting with Madoka

and

2) Instead of her (Madoka) protecting me, I want to become strong enough to protect her.

Obviously, there are many hypothetical ways he could have granted this. But leaning heavily into the sci-fi and futuristic elements of the series, the AU assumes that one of these possibilities is that Kyubey's potential thought process is "stronger than Madoka -> stronger than a human and/or magical girl -> becoming entirely nonhuman". This also ties into later series stuff were Homura literally comes off as cold and robotic due to the timeloops.

Kyubey doing this wouldn't be something impossible or too out there. Some canon PMMM and Magireco wishes include him granting the ability to let a bunch of children literally steal his powers/abilities, have a girl's dead boyfriend's soul literally exist consciously in her mind, turning a girl invisible, granting mind control abilities, etc. So making a human into a robot/android isn't something he'd probably see as unthinkable.

How it Works

But wouldn't Homura (and everyone else) suddenly notice a robot person?

While Kyubey has had instances of girls immediately witching out after contracting (Nagisa, Ui), I imagine he'd like to avoid this most of the time. It seems pretty inefficient for a creature who prioritizes logic above all else to want to push girls into instantly despairing when their prolonged misery and fighting witches = more energy to collect later on and overall.

I imagine magical girls have natural things they just do without consciously thinking, the same way that blinking and breathing are pretty much unconscious things humans do without any manual action or thought to it. Turning one's soul gem seems to be a thing they can just do, and I doubt they have to be 24/7 focused on their gems being in that form to keep it that way. Homura doesn't notice anything immediately (nor does anyone else) because her magic naturally makes her "look" human — it doesn't require constant focus and thought. She believes she should look human, thinks she should look human, and thus does.

But, of course, something would eventually disrupt this. In this case, the Mami mental break event. AKA, "what if Madoka shot Mami a second or two too late"?

Homura gets shot, but doesn't bleed. The illusion shatters, and she doesn't feel pain. Because she's even less human than other magical girls. She trades off (in robot form) feeling pain or having to heal and waste magic in exchange for increased mental trauma. I mean, it's one thing to think you're "not human" for supernatural abilities, it's another to have physical and real proof that you're even less of a person than everyone else.

And I mean — Homura already is pretty self hating in the series, and the other characters really do get some correct but hurtful blows on her, which likely don't help. Mami telling her she thinks like a bullied child when Homura was indeed bullied, being seen as cold and robotic, Kyubey calling her an anomaly, etc.

Not to mention the paranoia potential of Homura realizing she doesn't even have a "brain", so how's she thinking? Did Kyubey do anything or program her to act in certain ways alongside the nonhuman aspect? Null Magical Girl explored this in a different way, but I can see that being a real source of anxiety and concern for Homura. Not even considering the "can a sentient robot have a soul" type deal with her being raised Catholic.

Other Notes

The initial drafts of this had be consider maybe that Homura was always a robot, and any human memories she had pre-hospital were false. But then I realized there's much more potential in Kyubey yet again screwing up a wish, and I feel like he'd comment on it if a robot tried contracting. Let alone the "do robots even have souls to make the initial soul gem" question.

Homura, in her human appearance, has skin/the feeling of skin, but anything deeper or more extreme than a cat scratch would make it obvious that she's not biological/organic inside. Like if she was in "human form" and got her arm gashed, the machinery inside would be obvious. The illusion is really only skin deep, pretty much.

As a robot, her face is more "human" looking than anything else (based off the apparent trend of humanoid robots having expressive faces, but more obviously robotic bodies — just Google "humanoid robot" if you want to see). She does have pieces that meet to resemble her glasses, though, and doesn't like it.

I've not been very stoked with any AU art I've made, so here's an edit of (vaguely) what she'd look like (mostly the face is most accurate), and here's some concept art (if you want to call it that).

Post-reveal, Homura finds having to consciously hold up the illusion while transformed into magical girl form more taxing and annoying/distracting (akin to manual blinking), and won't do it if in a rush.

Her vision in robot form looks sort of like this.

The initial AU was inspired by kintypes the repeated comments in canon about things like Homura being cold/creepy/robotic, and her being "an anomaly", as well as immediately telling Kyoko she's not a human, and neither is Kyoko. Obviously she didn't mean it in a "literally not flesh and blood" way, but seemed like a cool idea to me. Also inspired by the "Destabilize" series by PrinceWhateverer (WARNING: ponies).

A robotic magical girl seems feasible to me, since (to my understanding) Kazumi Magica introduced the idea of a clone magical girl who also isn't/wasn't "human".

More (non-pony) audio that (at least vaguely) fits this AU is "Hello World" and "AI Dreams". The latter, at least, is what she naturally "sounds like" in robot form, and she doesn't actually need to do things like breathe or have a heart beat that would be audible to someone close by.

[allisonilluminated]

The Seven Sins of Fanfiction

Hey all,

This blog is primarily focused on helping newer writers (and maybe some older ones) improve their fanfiction and increase their views.  Since that’s the case, it’s important to understand exactly what not to do when you’re writing.

These are the worst things you can do while you’re writing.  I can guarantee everyone reading this post has done at least three of them, and probably all in some shape of form.  This is the sort of thing that makes you want to click away immediately, that you cringe at when it’s in the first paragraph or laugh at how bad it is.  These things that make you stop reading other stories, just think about it for a moment.  What if fewer people are reading your own work because you’re making the same mistakes?

Yeah.  If you want to improve, you gotta know what you’re doing wrong.  Number Seven is the least worst, then the list descends to Number One, the worst thing you can do in fanfiction.

Note: This is a subjective list.  There are people who disagree with some of these points (especially the non-grammar ones), so it’s important to remember that these are the things I find most degrading to the quality of the story being written.  As a writer, you have the creative liberty to write whatever you want.

#7 – Bad Romance

“Wo-o-o-o-o, o-o-o-o, o-o-ah, caught in a bad romance fanfiction but it’s the only 100k fic for my OTP so I’m like contractually obligated to read it.” - Lady Gaga, mostly

We’ve all been here.  You know that moment when two characters meet, then suddenly decide to kiss, and the next thing you know they’re screwing on the patio with some kinky ass BDSM shit.  What about those cringe fics where suddenly Harry is spouting some creepy possessive stuff like “my only” or “softest light of my life” to twelve year old Ginny.  You know what I’m talking about.

Good romance is an art.  It’s about flawed characters (later) coming together in a beautifully intimate way (later) to make something even more beautiful.  There is so much bad romance on FFN and AO3 that it just blows my mind.

Giving tips would take an entire post, so here’s a good article on the absolute basics you need to write a good romance: https://www.nownovel.com/blog/romance-writing-mistakes/

#6 – Bad Dialogue Tags

“No!” he howled.

“Yes,” she growled angrily.

She retorted snarkily, “Well, screw you.”

“Fuck you too,” he scowled sadly, before gratingly mumbling “I still love you though.”

Alternatively:

“No!” “Yes.”  “Well, screw you.”  “Fuck you too.  I still love you though.”

There’s a glorious word in this social construct we call English, and it’s “said.”  Use it.

You don’t need a fancy word for every tag.  You don’t need a fancy word for almost all tags.  Eighty percent of your tags should be said, exclaimed, and asked, and more of said than the others.  Maybe a whispered or a yelled for some flavor.

Adverbs are your enemies.  I struggle with this, but you should use them extremely sparingly.

On the flipside, if your reader doesn’t know who’s talking, your dialogue is meaningless to them.  Also, use line breaks every time there is a new speaker.

The trick is finding some happy medium between the two examples.  A handful of fancy tags, a lot of said, and if there are two people talking back and forth you don’t even need to tag every sentence.

#5 – Bad Messaging

I don’t want to put down an example for this one, because I think writers feel liberated to write some really awful shit in fanfiction because it’s “not a serious medium” or “it’s the internet, I have free speech.”  Let me say this right now:

Stories that make rape a positive thing are not okay.  Stories that portray suicide in a glorified light are not okay.  Stories that show slavery, or torture, or all of the other horrendous things human beings do to each other in a romanticized or glorified manner are not okay.

I don’t care if it’s your fetish.  I don’t care, it’s just not okay to write about these things in a positive light.  The only reason this is so high on this list is because these stories aren’t as common as the rest, and are mostly marked M/Explicit so you can avoid them.

#4 – Overdescription

Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). [[I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow – My Immortal

Oh boy.

Writers, let me introduce you to this wonderful thing called your profile.  Assuming you aren’t drowning in copypastas, this is the perfect place for your character descriptions.  Alternatively, have you heard of Tumblr? Literally, stick them anywhere except the middle of your story, and I can guarantee you the readers that actually care will find them if you mention them in your A/N.

Show, don’t tell is one of the fundamental principles of writing. When you’re describing a character, you probably don’t need more than three adjectives and a one sentence description of their outfit. Yes, that applies even if your character has a special non canon outfit.  If we must know, work the details into the story. Info-dumping description is telling, and is one of the worst world building and characterization mistakes you can make.  Period.

#3 – Epithets

The blond girl walked to the door, and started as a burly man opened it.  “May I help you?”

“Yes, I’m here to get a consultation,” the graying businessman said as he ran a hand through his oily hair.

The youthful therapist nodded as she shut the door behind him. Rummaging on her desk, she asked, “Why are you here?”

“Well,” said the jaded economist to the buxom woman.  “This author thinks they’re being clever by not giving out names, but they’re ruining this story.”

The best way to get someone to leave your story is epithets.  

Epithets do not create mystery.  Epithets are not a good substitute for proper nouns.  Epithets will not make a clever opening, or add variety to your dialogue.

Epithets will ruin your story, and should not be used.

They come in varying degrees of horror.

The noun.  You might be able to get away with saying just “the woman” or “the child” under certain circumstances. This is almost an excusable offence.

The noun with one adjective.  This is already unacceptable. If you though you were going to solve Sin #4 by doing this, you’re digging yourself an even deeper hole.

The noun with one modified adjective.  Because they can’t just be sexy, they have to be shockingly sexy.

The noun with multiple adjectives.  This is automatically overdescription on top of being a horrible thing to subject another person to.

The noun followed by a relative clause.  Because there’s always a way to make it worse.  “The girl who was now holding his hand” is absolutely disgusting, and so is “The girl that was sitting across from her” or especially “the girl she knew had a chocolate bar somewhere in her pocket.

The noun followed by a relative clause with adjectives.  Put it together and what have you got?

Compound Epithets.  Oh. My.  God.  This deserves its own sin.  Even if your character has blue hair, you should never ever ever call them a bluenette.  Ever.  Ever ever ever. AAAAAAAAH!

The author has made her point.

#2 – Bad Grammar

I find bad grammar extremely agitating, mostly because there are a lot of great tools and easy fixes to solve the problems.  Most word processors have a built in spell checker, and a lot of them check for grammar as well.  If you need an alternative, grammarly.com has a good free version that’ll catch a lot of mistakes.  Of course, proofreading your work before posting is always a great idea.  Here’s a quick list of some of the most common grammar issues you should be on the lookout for:

A new paragraph for a new idea.

A new paragraph for a new speaker.

Dialogue formatting

Periods

Commas

Run on sentences

Using line breaks

Spelling

Capitalizing starts of sentences

Capitalizing proper nouns

Choosing CONSISTENT capitalization for canon terms (Pokemon vs pokemon, for example)

Repeated words.

Sentence fragments

Tense

#1 – Bad Characterization

“What?” you’re probably asking yourself right now.  “How is bad characterization possibly worse than poor grammar?  Than epithets?”

Allow me to explain.

When an author writes a story, a good story, they are creating characters who act like people.  They have wants, needs, hates, motives, and a concept of who they are, even if they’re only fictional.  The author gives them life, spirit, a spark that keeps you reading and wanting to learn more about them.

That sense of identity is what makes them real to us.  Why you binge a show on Netflix, or read a novel in one night.  Reading is a connection with these characters on a deeper level than you might realize, and this connection brings them to life.

Take that away, and your story is dead.

Your gray OOC Gary Stu overpowered Ravenclaw Harry who grew up with Snape and has a goblin half brother AU is not a story about Harry Potter.  It’s a story about an OC named Harry Potter, and Harry loses any integrity he had as a character in Rowling’s books.

That’s why there are fics with horrible grammar and massive following, alongside fics with incredible grammar and sentence construction but no followings.  Unless you maintain a basic level of your character’s identity, the essence of what makes them empathetic, you’re not writing about that character.  This is the worst sin, because even with all of the others in play, if there is good characterization you can still create an incredible story.

Just by fixing these seven problems, your fic can instantly jump from bad/meh to incredible in the way people perceive it.  Hopefully this list can help you determine things to either go back and revise or work on for future chapters.  When have you committed one of the seven sins?  What other sins do people make all the time in their writings?

Thank you to all of the amazing people who have followed, Allie

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