#ntzsche Crash

[ntzsche9]

So, hi! I'm Verne (they/them), practically a queer elder in my 30s, brand new to tumblr (dunno how I ever missed the boat), and I only ever seem to write in the 20 minutes or so between pulling up to work and clocking in, or when I'm putting my toddlers down for a nap but don't want to crawl out of their beds and address the chores I gotta do while they're out of the way. I've written poetry, prose, and roleplayed in the past but got away from it for years and years, and only recently started writing again. I have notebooks and lists of story ideas but the few things I have fleshed out are mostly silly character-based "what if?" scenarios, because those are the most fun to me. Too many of my stories are me simply wanting to write a scene, developing a bit of a world around it, then losing interest entirely. I hope this blog can change that a bit, help me focus on following through or figuring out how to better develop small ideas into something longer.

Interests:

Post-apocalyptic

Near-future dystopias

Scifi/Fantasy (urban) with magical realism

History/AltHistory (especially lesser-known and marginalized stories)

Horror, dark, violent, and mature themes

Queer everything. I can't write heteros to save my life and I'm not all that sorry about it.

Sexy melodrama and smut with too much plot

Fanfiction (I could read/write Fallout stuff all day)

Some Favorite Authors:

Octavia Butler

Nnedi Okorafor

VE Schwab

Starhawk

Madeline Miller

Ta-nehisi Coates

Becky Chambers

Emma Donoghue

Looking for:

Community, inspiration, other writers to follow, and problem-solving tips in storytelling and sticking to stories when things get tough. I really just need some folks to talk to when working through all the things in my head. Open to the occasional tag but I'm not great at responding.

I have plenty more little bits of nonsense in various states of readability, like character backgrounds, alt-ending scenes, slice-of-life banter between characters, etc. These will be posted under the tag #ntzsche misc

Noteworthy WIPs:

Bad Blood - A Fallout Nuka-World fanfic (#ntzsche Nuka-World)

My longest story is a fanfic, but with a cast of characters largely not in the Fallout 4 DLC. I intend to eventually write this in a way that someone who hasn't played the game would be able to easily read.

Lafayette, the son of a 'retired' raider, left his abusive father to find his place in the world and was taken in by an eclectic trauma-bonded found family that inspires him to be a better person and shows him love he is certain he doesn't deserve. When his father comes across them in a raid, Lafayette is given the offer to join him, and he agrees in order to save the settlement and his little brother. Lafayette finds that being with his dad again, and being the son he always wanted him to be, isn't nearly as difficult as he thought it would be. He struggles to maintain the person he wants to be with the person he suspects he is, all while a cast of scheming raiders, wastelanders, and slaves vie for power in the raider city built within the rusted remains of an amusement park.

Salem's Child (#ntzsche Salem)

A background on one of the lesser Nuka-World characters that I got carried away with.

Andrew Rook doesn't look like his parents. He looks like someone they are desperate to forget. Growing up in post-apocalyptic Salem, Massachusetts has it's perks, though. In a fading settlement run by incompetent men who would rather blame the population of feral black cats for their problems than try to solve them, Andrew and his two best friends build a world in their imagination that shields them from the wretchedness of the wasteland and the people they have to rely on to survive.

Hechizo

Another character background that I would love to expand into a few short stories around.

Mateo Zavala was born in the vibrant and tight-knit community of Navarro. His great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother, a pre-war ghoul, is still the ruling matriarch, and it's hard for her not to play favorites when she has over 300 living descendants.

The Crash (#ntzsche Crash)

A what-if real-world rewrite of an event from another story. I just really enjoy writing these two.

Gabe always knew his functional alcoholic roomie would get into a terrible car wreck some day, but he never thought he would be dumb enough to be in the car with him. When the consequences of the wreck threaten to destroy Dave's life, Gabe finds himself doing everything he can to hold those pieces together. The love he harbors for his straight, polyamorous best friend runs deeper than either of them are ready to face, and find that Dave's injury turns their relationship completely on end.

[ntzsche9]

The Crash

Warnings: car crash with grievous bodily injury, alcohol abuse, driving under the influence, drug abuse

Gabe always knew his functional alcoholic roomie would get into a terrible car wreck some day, but he never thought he would be dumb enough to be in the car with him. When the consequences of the wreck threaten to destroy Dave's life, Gabe finds himself doing everything he can to hold those pieces together. The love he harbors for his straight, polyamorous best friend runs deeper than either of them are ready to face, and find that Dave's injury turns their relationship completely on its head.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

I'll be honest - I wrote this because I wanted to write that first scene, for funsies. Then all these details came to mind that I began to sweep together into a pile. I do plan to post more of it, once I get it together.

[ntzsche9]

Warning: car crash with graphic bodily injury, driving under the influence, m/m

Gabe told Dave that this was going to happen one day. He just never thought he would be stupid enough to be in the car with him when it did.

He didn't know who had the green light, but it didn't really matter. They were both going way too fast. The large truck slammed into the driver's side of the mini cooper, one headlight framed in the driver's side window and so bright it could have broken the glass even before the impact. Then they hit something else, and the smaller car whipped back to smack against the truck again. Gabe couldn't tell when they stopped spinning, because his vision stayed blinded by it for much longer. 

Weren't there supposed to be airbags? Gabe's body felt as baffled and mangled as the car must be. He braced himself against the dashboard like it was an anchor, willing himself sober enough to understand all of this.

The next thing he realized was that Dave was suddenly much, much closer to him. The car had collapsed inward like an aluminum can, and he wasn't leaning over as much as squeezed out from under the steering wheel like toothpaste from the tube.

"Fuck, Dave," Gabe huffed. "You alive?"

"Y-yeah, maybe?" he panted, then chuckled deliriously. There were cuts along one side of his face from the window exploding, shards glittering down from his arms and chest as he began to move.

The radio base still tutted softly as whatever pop song they had been talking over continued, unbothered by the wreckage. Gabe tried to focus on it to steady his heart and catch his breath, but a delayed panic was seeping in as he looked Dave over. His airbag hadn't gone off, either. The shadows from the streetlights didn't illuminate much, but the inside of the compact two-door car was now too small and jagged. It didn't make sense, and a cold fist gripped around his heart.

"Are you pinned?" he asked, eyes locked on the dark tangle of his legs beneath the crooked steering wheel.

"I.. damn. I think so," Dave whispered, getting his bearings enough to wriggle. He braced his arms against the wheel and the center console, but when he tugged, he shouted in sharp, sudden pain.

"Stop stop stop," Gabe hissed, bracing his shoulders.

"S-s-somethings wrong!" Dave gasped, suddenly hyperventilating. He tried to tug his legs free again only to make himself wail.

"Stop fucking moving!" Gabe demanded as the keening sound became a sob. He clenched Dave's shoulders still, and when the man finally collapsed against what was left of his seat, he saw a clammy sheen on his pained expression.

He needed a phone. Where the fuck were their phones!? He cast around blindly for them but it was too dark. Gabe's hands tugged dumbly at his seatbelt for a long moment before he got himself free and threw open his door.

It was a friday night, on a busy city intersection, and the sidewalk they landed against already hosted a small crowd as both pedestrians and traffic around them slowed to gawk. Someone had to have called 911 by now, right? Gabe glanced at the large silver truck that had rammed them and noticed both doors were thrown open, but there was no one nearby. This was Chicago, he thought numbly. There was a good chance the truck was stolen, and the people driving it had already bailed out.

He ducked his head back into the car, and with the overhead lights on, gave a sharp moan. Dave was white as a sheet, his pale blue jeans soaking through with blood. Unlike the bright red, thin streaks on his face and neck, a deep maroon was spreading up his thighs. Dave followed his gaze and tried to run his hand down his leg like he was looking for the rest of himself, and his palm came away thickly smeared. Gabe was about to bolt for the crowd, to demand anyone's phone, when he began to hear sirens echoing off the buildings. 

"Ohhh fuck, Dave, fuck fuuuck!" he groaned, crawling the shortened distance across to him and ignoring the glass digging into his hands and knees. Dave was staring at his palm, his breath a quick, shallow rush. His glasses had been knocked clear off his face, and Gabe didn't know if he just couldn't see or if he was going into shock. "It's okay, you're okay. D-don't look at it, an ambulance is coming, j-just hold tight."

"I'm bleeding," he whimpered. "I-I think I'm bleeding a-a lot. And I can't.. I can't feel my legs. I can't move anything."

There was so much fear in his voice that it broke Gabe, and he cupped the other man's scruffy jaw and pressed his forehead to Dave's temple.

"Shhhh," he pleaded. "It's gonna be okay. They'll get you out of here, it'll be fine."

"Gabe, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Fuck, fuck, I-I shouldn't have been.."

"It's fine, I'm good, and we're going to get you out of here."

"N-no, I.." he whispered, then his voice drifted.

After a moment, Gabe leaned back to see him better and chase the rest of that sentence. Dave stared back, his expression distant and sad. Without blinking, his dulled blue eyes drifted upward.

"No! No! NO!" Gabe roared desperately, patting Dave's bloody face with small, desperate slaps to rouse him again. Something tugged him back, tugged them apart, and Gabe clutched his head and neck desperately as he cried his name. Dave's head lolled in his arms and his eyes stayed open, lifeless and flat. Hands, hands were tugging Gabe back and he fought them as he panicked.

One of the EMTs was a large man, and pinned Gabe's arms roughly to his sides as he dragged him out and sat him on the sidewalk like a child. There was so much noise out here, sirens and shouts and lights swinging from every response vehicle that rolled up. The white panels of Dave's two-toned car alternated red and blue and looked as if half of the car had been crushed in on itself, the back end pinned to a bent lamp post. It had been the only thing that kept them from ending up on the crowded sidewalk, or through the front of a tattoo shop. The crowd of artists lining the front window, watching him in shock, finally convinced Gabe to stop fighting. He complied, sitting on the curb, but shouted at the large man that he was fine, let go, help Dave.

It took so, so long. Gabe was ready to crawl out of his skin, arms pulling his knees tightly to his chest as firefighters worked a massive, hydraulic set of scissors against the driver's side doors to spread it open. Two EMTs had taken his place on the passenger's side, and Dave must still be alive because they were slapping braces and tubes on him. There wasn't a breath in Gabe's body as they finally, slowly pulled his mangled body out. He didn't remember standing up, but gravitated around the car and toward the stretcher they gingerly placed him on - until he saw the crushed remains of one of his legs held on only by the hem of his blood-drenched jeans as it was set in place in the cot. The next thing he knew, Gabe was on his hands and knees at the edge of a pothole, vomiting every drop of alcohol he'd had that night onto the cratered street.

He barely had the sense to try to convince EMTs to leave him alone a second time between quaking sobs. When a pair of CPD officers began to callously demand questions from him - none of which he had an answer to - he decided instead to try to retch onto their shoes before collapsing back and let the EMTs scoop him up. They would figure out what had happened soon enough, he wasn't about to tell them shit. It was an expensive ride to the hospital with his bare-bones countycare plan, but at least he was right behind Dave.

………

They weren’t really friends when he moved in with Dave three years ago. If Gabe hadn’t been desperate, he would have never considered living with a straight, cishet white boy with a rich daddy.

They had mutual friends from university, and when Gabe needed to move out of a bad domestic situation that was rapidly getting worse, someone mentioned Dave Schneider had just posted online looking for someone to split the lease of the rather sunny top floor of a Logan Square three-flat. Gabe knew that even if he was the worst type of spoiled man-child, living with him on a reduced sublet would be better than where he was living before.

From what Gabe could remember of Dave in university, the guy hadn’t been half bad. He wasn’t exactly popular but still seemed to have friends everywhere, and had been at nearly every party Gabe went to. Pre-med and smart, but spoiled enough he never seemed to take school seriously. He had been notoriously bad at holding his liquor, but in a way that was almost endearing – everyone who knew him seemed to have at least one hilarious story about him. Gabe had seen him around, spoke to him a few dozen times, but they never really hung out. He had thought Dave was friends with a suspicious number of art and theater majors to be entirely straight, but he was in some long-term relationship with a girl just conservative and Christian enough that it gave Gabe the creeps. Turns out, Dave had dropped out of college before his senior year, too, and their relationship ended there. 

Gabe asked around about him online before he reached out to him, and did his fair share of cyber-stalking. He had some decent sounding gig with an insurance company, but it was a far cry from being a doctor. He looked cozy in photos with a few different girls, always by the lake or in front of graffiti or with iced coffees in hand, but didn’t seem attached to anyone. Too many photos with a pitbull-looking mutt for Gabe's liking, but always with the same guy, so he hoped the dog wasn't his.

He didn’t seem like a serial killer, or even an asshole, so a dog was about the only thing that would keep Gabe from moving in the moment Dave would let him.

It wasn’t five minutes after he sent him a tentative message that Dave responded in a long series of two or three sentence replies. Then a bunch of photos of the apartment. No dog. And while it was an afterthought, he also asked enough questions about how Gabe's life was going that he seemed to actually want to know. Gabe moved in three days later.

[ntzsche9]

Here's to a fresh intro! I'm Verne (they/them), practically a queer elder in my 30s and too many of my stories are me simply wanting to write a scene, developing a bit of a world around it, then losing interest entirely. I’m still trying to figure out how to break that curse, but in the meantime, I’m just going to chase inspiration and post odds and ends here. I used to be an avid role-player, and my small cast of OCs from those days provide the greatest and easiest inspiration - particularly in the setting of the Fallout Universe. I do my best to write for a reader who is unfamiliar with the series, though.

Interests:

Post-apocalyptic

Near-future dystopias

Scifi/Fantasy (urban) and magical realism

History/AltHistory (especially lesser-known and marginalized stories)

Horror, dark, violent, and mature themes

Queer everything. I can't write heteros to save my life and I'm not all that sorry about it.

Sexy melodrama and smut with too much plot

Fanfiction (I could read/write Fallout stuff all day)

________________________________________________

Noteworthy WIPs:

Bad Blood - A Fallout Nuka-World fanfic (tag: #ntzsche Nuka-World)

I hope to eventually write this comprehensively enough to post on AO3 but for now, I work on this story to practice becoming a better writer. Incomplete Prequel: Sanctuary.

Lafayette, the son of a 'retired' raider, left his abusive father to find his place in the world and was taken in by an eclectic trauma-bonded found family that inspires him to be a better person and shows him love he is certain he doesn't deserve. When his father comes across them in a raid, Lafayette joins him in order to save the settlement and his little brother. Lafayette finds that being with his dad again, and playing the son he always wanted him to be, isn't nearly as difficult as he thought it would be. He struggles to maintain the person he wants to be with the person he suspects he is, all while a cast of scheming raiders, wastelanders, and slaves vie for power in a raider city built within the rusted remains of an amusement park.

La Madre Eterna (working title) - (tag: #ntzsche Zavala)

Multi-generational short stories following a Chicano woman who survives the nuclear apocalypse in a small village on the US/Mexico boarder.

With her pregnant daughter tucked safely away in a government vault, María Zavala faces the nuclear apocalypse alone. The aging curandera vows to provide care for the survivors in the horrific aftermath until her last day, as radiation poisons the earth and destroys people from the inside out. Each day, the survivors come, and each day, they are buried.

All except for her. Even as death walks beside her, María never dies. There is always more work to be done.

The years go by, and generations pass under her care and guidance, until one day when María's own great-grandchild comes home to her. Against great odds, her community grows into a bastion in an otherwise inhospitable world.

________________________________________________

Miscellaneous

Master list of writing posts, mostly backstories, one-shots, and excerpts (tag: #ntzsche misc).

Every You and Every Me - Cosmic horror flash-fiction

The Crash - Real-world AU story with Dave and Gabe

Misc Fallout Fiction

Typically taking place before the events of Bad Blood, roughly in chronological order:

Smiling Jack - Backstory for Dizz

Vault 112 - Backstory for Dave and Gabe

If Dave Had Died - What-if scenario from prior to Sanctuary

Sanctuary - How Lafayette became a part of his new family, direct prequel to Bad Blood

The Boston Library - One-shot writing prompt containing Lafayette and Luvell, after Sanctuary

OC Intro - most of my recurrent OCs have their own tags.

(some links forthcoming)