#obviously i'm a lesbian so a guy speaks and im like. :

[love-byers]

What do you think about people saying that us Bylers are not supporting Robin as a character and they only see her as a gay mentor for Mike & Will? That we only see Rovickie as gay mentors for them. Some people are saying that because we pay alot of attention to Byler that it overshadowed Robin of her coming out as lesbian, personally i disagree with this, obviously everybody has their own opinions but I we can also voice our own. With Robin, I obviously see her as her own character yk? I don't see her as just a gay mentor for the kids, Robin is her own person, Rovickie is their own ship, I know it may look like I probably just see her as just a gay mentor but it's really not like that, she is an absolutely amazing character, she is for sure as hell a good example for people who are in the closet? I feel the same with Rovickie. Rovickie is their own ship, but I really don't see anything wrong with wanting them to guide Mike & Will, it's a necessity imo because their soo young and they don't know how to deal with all of this (especially in the 80s) they need help and guidance. But yeah I went on a whole rant haha, BTW I'm sorry if I don't explain well lol

i actually just saw the thing you're talking about and screenshotted it to post here!! i honestly think its so dumb. and i dont just say that because im a byler fan and feel attacked

if you're a byler fan and run a byler account, no shit you're going to mostly post about byler. if you don't run a robin blog/account you probably don't mention her as much as whatever your account is dedicated to. i do talk about other ST topics and general theories but its mostly byler. because thats just what i like to talk about. so yes a lot of the time when i mention other characters its in relation to byler, not always though. that doesn't mean i dont like the characters or only view them as support beams for byler.

as a lesbian i love robin and think she's wonderful representation. i heard it was maya hawke's idea which i think means robin was originally going to be straight and just didn't see steve that way so it was going to be about him accepting the fact that a girl doesn't like him just because. but i'm so happy maya suggested that because its eons better than the original. robin is a great character and i think her coming out scene is so perfect and well written. her fear is so relatable, that feeling when you realize your guy friend likes you but you really do love him and don't want to lose him? its scary. and maya portrayed that beautifully. seeing her be accepted by steve was so emotional and also really important.

but i don't say all of that every day because i'm not a robin blog. i've posted about her/rovickie a few times without relation to byler, but yes i frequently mention parallels and mike and will interacting with robin and vickie in s5. because i am absolutely PUMPED FOR THAT. will is my favorite character and i think it would be really touching to see him interact with another queer person and feel like he can finally open up and feel safe while doing it. i don't know why some people think we're evil for wanting that. like its such a real thing for queer youth, making your first gay friend, perhaps someone a bit older and more realized/confident, and being SO happy that you can speak freely and be yourself. i want that for will who at this point in the story feels like a mistake, and of course mike makes him feel better about that as he said, but he cant speak freely around him. he could do that with robin. he probably feels like the only gay person in hawkins, so imagine how happy he would be to find out there's MORE!! THEY EXIST!! YOU'RE NOT ALONE!!!!

if you don't want to see queer characters connect especially in the 80s i honestly don't know what to say. you've got some serious pettiness problems if you don't want that

and i also hate the trend of diehard ST fans acting like the characters are real people. they're made up. you can't hurt their feelings. getting offended on behalf of a character is some real chronically online behavior.

there is no quota on how many times you have to post about a certain character. its your account and they're not real people so you can do WHATEVER YOU WANT. for every post you make relating robin to will or rovickie to byler, you don't have to make another post talking about how great robin is to make up for it. that's stupid. i seriously dont know what they expect when they go on a BYLER ACCOUNT.

i used to get attacked on twt for only mentioning el in relation to byler, which first of all wasn't true, but even if it was WHO CARES??? i was a byler account literally WHAT DID THEY EXPECT??? it hurts no one. people just hate byler fans (which honestly i lowkey understand cause some of us are terribly annoying) and look for any reason to sound justified when they express that hate.

you dont have to equally divide your love and attention to all the characters. you don't. at all.

[dukeofankh]

So...the gay orgy I mentioned the other day is more accurately a Queer SOP play party. I'm going because me and my wife's partner, who's nonbinary, suggested it. And now I'm worried I might not actually be welcome as a cis-ish dude

I was rereading the event rules again because it's happening tonight. I don't know how I'd missed it before now, but in addition to the usual barring of misogyny and transphobia, and a nice uncommon addition against fatphobia...they also say that "machismo" isn't allowed. Later in the same paragraph they say they're aiming to decentralize the kink/play party scene from being "masculine focused and cis-centric"

Like... obviously the positive way to read this is as just saying "don't do toxic masculine shit". There's a rule about not having culturally appropriative hairstyles too, they could just be covering their bases and listing all of the stuff that would piss people off that they don't want. But like...there are definitely events around here that are, with varying levels of directness, trying to achieve a "no cis dudes" environment without outright saying "no cis dudes." This one is very explicitly celebrating trans and nonbinary folks, so it's not TERFy, but I'm left wondering whether I'm actually wanted there?

I've been surprised before. Like, I've been to a "Lesbians and queer people" event and very quickly determined from the way people responded to my presence that that was meant to be understood as "Afab people." (Possibly with an exception for trans women, I don't want to speak for their experiences. There were definitely some there).

Like, they also suggested that everyone wear pink? It doesn't seem like a hard and fast dress code but it is all definitely leaning towards a "let's have a sex party without any of those gross boys" vibe, but with more of a t4t spin making it "*cis* boys"

Like, I know what toxic masculinity is. I can not do toxic masculinity. Machismo? If at some point in the night I'm acting in a dominant way with my wife or partner, is that going to be read as machismo? Is being masc machismo?

My constant desperate search is to find places that I belong. I knew I'd be more of a guest in this space--im genderfluid but that means a lot of the time I am just presenting as a regular ol' cis guy--but now I'm trying to figure out whether this is coded messaging telling me that I'm not wanted here, or if I'm just having an anxiety spiral.

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

i was really happy at first to see the gold star lesbians speaking up for ourselves but now im starting to get uncomfortable with some of the things im seeing like real lesbians wouldn’t ever do this or say that or or or. like i feel like i should go back to lying about being bisexual because apparently lesbians would never have male friends or be able to tell a guy looks good without being attracted to him or would never like a male celeb or character even platonically. it’s giving its own brand of polilez. why can’t anyone be reasonable

Hi anon!

Like I replied to another ask, I'm not really surprised by this. It's the first time we can attempt to have a real space and conversation for ourselves, so obviously the tension and wariness are at an all-time high to make sure we aren't yet again derailed by fakers. It will get better over time I think.

The solution to that is not to become withdrawn but, on the contrary, to share how you feel and what your life is like to show how varied gold stars are and find more like you :)

If that can reassure you, I have two long-time friends, one is a lesbian and one is a straight guy I used to be roommates with. Having male-dominated hobbies and working in a male-dominated environments, means that I've had male mentors too. If I find that het and bi women talk too much about their feelings for men and there are no lesbians around, I'm more likely to hang out with the guys instead to talk about sports and video games.

When it comes to characters, I like sports animes and most of them are about guys! It's just that, when I used to make self-insert fics or stories in my head, I would fantasize about being my favorite character's relative, things like that.

As long as you're truly homosexual, there's no shame in sharing your perspective in that conversation! Someone accused me earlier of being a fakebian because I read BL sometimes, I explained my point of view and she apologized, so there's nothing to worry about, we're all in the same boat :D

[c0rpseductor]

i realize im preaching to the choir here but it is extremely bold of the autogynephilia guy to insist that the VAST MAJORITY of adult trans women are, like, outright lying about their own experiences based on his having sorted them into arbitrary, unscientific categories AS A STRANGER. extremely fucking deranged

also obviously speaking on a more personal level the proposed "autohomoerotic" type of trans guy is so fucking infuriating to me. it's like, obviously that's going to be the explanation for gay trans men this idiot comes up with because of the view that being gay is "feminine male" behavior, so how do you victor victoria around that if your understanding of how gender and sexuality interact is from the stone age? Well Clearly It's A Total Separate Other Thing.

it's obviously a talking point every gay trans man on earth has heard at least once, like "you're trans because you're interested in pretending to be a gay man" rather than like. the actual situation. you know. i'm very tired i feel like garbage bc it's a bad migraine brain day but like it just frustrates me bc like...i mean clearly it's cruel and uncharitable and transphobic.

my own experience is that i grew up experiencing a lot of "typical" markers of dysphoria and preferring to be seen as a boy or at least "not a girl" and wanting to hang out with other boys and puberty sucking etc etc you have certainly heard the narrative people trot out and i did fit a number of those points. but it was difficult for me to pin down how i felt and who i actually felt i was without also wrangling the fact that i was struggling with a lot of internalized homophobia. growing up even before consciously understanding myself as male i felt a lot of guilt about being interested in guys and felt it was "wrong." for a good number of years i attempted to transform "i guess girls are pretty" into "i'm DEFINITELY attracted to women, a very socially acceptable thing for a man!" while also trying to deny being trans, which resulted in this really absurd attempt to convince myself i was An Lesbian despite having genuinely no fucking interest in women whatsoever beyond liking their clothes. ("slay bitch!" is not actually attraction to women, but try telling 19 year old lestat that, he will not agree.) and, of course, i absorbed a lot of surface level feminist talking points about how Bad And Yucky men are that made me feel that it would be, like...misogynist to not be a woman.

so i did have to reconcile all those things at once, but ESPECIALLY the fact that i was attracted to men to finally, like, be ready to just call myself a trans man. it was finally realizing that despite my shame about it growing up and the feeling that it was "bad" or "wrong" or "not feminist" (????) (my internalized homophobia was weird sometimes) i did like men, but only if they'd also treat me like a man, because i didn't really want to be having relationships with men as a woman. i was like "huh...this kind of sounds like i don't want to have relationships with ANYONE as a woman." and then i kind of realized after a short stint of identifying as bi that i was also like. just not interested in women at all. i had been making that shit up for notes.

so like, i think in that regard it's like...it's hard to separate my understanding of myself as a man who likes men from my understanding of myself as a man more generally, which is why it's especially frustrating to me to hear that twisted into "it's because you have a fetish for gay men" when i had to like. fight myself tooth and nail for Literally 22 years to accept that i am a man AND that i am attracted to men. i was so uncomfortable with who i was and tried so hard to be cis (or at least Not a man) and straight (or at least Not into men) at the same time that i tried to force myself to be a lesbian. despite having no interest in women. to me that was better than being the person i actually was, which was somebody i felt a lot of shame and discomfort about. accepting that i was binary trans and gay was not like "being gay seems cool can i play" so much as having to tell myself "maybe liking men and being male does not make you some kind of disgusting aberrant monster, dude." but god forbid anybody have any compassion about that when it's way easier to get mad at a straw fujo

[pressagie]

tw: homophobia

hello!! first of all i just wanna say that i love your blog (@/diospirando) so much. i found you through your uquiz (which was really helpful btw). i came here to ask about my love life. here is a little bit about me: my hobbies include learning about marine life and watching films. i am a lesbian and come from a pretty religious family and almost everyone i know is also very religious. i haven’t come out to anyone for obvious reasons except for a few really close friends. i myself am not religious and have left my religion last year, however i feel this overwhelming sense of guilt for leaving even though whenever i try to come back to my religion i just can’t get myself to believe in it again. sometimes i wish i could just go back to believing in it like i did before and try my best to start liking men because i really dont want everyone i know and love to hate me. all of my irl friends are homophobic and i feel a lot of guilt for what i am and after constantly being told my whole life that i will go to hell for simply loving someone i just dont know anymore what to do because i am really so lonely. a lot of my irls are in relationships and i just wanted to ask if there is someone for me as well? like someone who is able to understand me unlike all of the other people in my life and accept me for who i am? and is there a chance of that person being a guy? (i know this sounds bad of me asking since i just said i am a lesbian but i really am just hoping that there is some guy out there that i will like so i can continue to have a good relationship with my family and friends). i am honestly just really sick of being lonely and not being understood, i just want to meet someone who gets me well. i have a preference for tarot but you can decide which works best for my situation. i’d also like to request a book passage and song of your choice. again, thank you and sorry for this question being so long.

hi im so sorry im the person who sent the last anonymous ask (the one that mentions being a lesbian and having a very religious family). i forgot to add something to it and i have no idea how to unsend/edit an ask because im kind of new to tumblr but i just wanted to add something to my question. I'd like to know about future patner and the type of person they are (any information is about), it can be their appearance, personality, achievements, where I'll meet them or even how they're doing currently in life whatever you can channel I'll be happy with anything. thank you :D

Hey 🤎

I'm so sorry you're going through that.

(And thank you for the TW.)

Speaking as a queer person with christian and queerphobic relatives: please remember that you can't choose to like men, or anyone for that matter. Obviously, attraction is fluid – but let me ask you this (and tell me to fuck off, if it's not my place): even if you were to be with a guy, would that solve all the problems which the people in your life have?

I can't tell you what to believe, just as no one should. But if you need to hear this, and it helps in any way: I promise that you're not going to hell for being a lesbian, and you deserve so much better than the judgement and guilt from your family and other people. You deserve to be happy, be it single or otherwise. You deserve understanding, to feel connected – and not only acceptance, but FULL BLOWN RESPECT.

(I'm really glad that you liked the quiz! Guessing you meant this one?)

(Did I understand correctly that you follow me @diospirando? Either way, feel free to come say hello 🥰 I'm very curious to know if we've interacted before, but no pressure!)

(Oh and you can't unsend/edit asks.)

Note: I added some info to my pinned post, and I recommend (to everyone who sent in questions) giving it a read.

Now on to your reading... I did try Tarot first like you asked, but the Oracle's what you get today 🤠

This deck is based on animals at risk of extinction in the Iberian Peninsula (where I live) and others with relevant roles in our mythologies/religions... I included their names, in case they have any personal, special meaning for you – and there are some marine species :]

Spoiler alert: you only got birds 😂 but at least 3/5 (that I checked) are related to the sea!

Is there someone for me as well?

— Who is able to understand me unlike all the other people in my life and accept me for who I am?

ASCENSION & the pigeon Columba palumbus azorica (horizontal)

I take the terms the author of this deck uses with several grains of salt cause I don't buy into the common spiritual associations with, e.g., ascension (but that's a conversation for another time) so here I'm taking the card to mean distancing yourself, traveling... Flying, if you want to be more literal.

This species is endemic to basically one of the Azores islands only – meaning it can't be found anywhere else in the world. If you combine this information, I think it's fair to say that you can find someone (to have a relationship like you want) if you look somewhere you already expect to find them, such as a specific community (that could very well be online)!

Sidenote: it landed on my lap instead of the table, and I usually use that to signal if something/someone has tried to catch your attention, or is still trying – so pay attention.

I'd like to know about my future partner and the type of person they are.

— Their appearance, personality, or even how they're doing currently in life.

RECOGNITION & the falcon Falco naumanni (horizontal) AUTHENTICITY & the gull Ichthyaetus audouinii (upright) + VISION & the eagle Aquila adalberti (inverted) WISDOM & the eagle-owl Bubo bubo (upright)

You may recognize each other from somewhere, but not like you knew each other well before (there is a Reunion card to symbolize that kind of previously established contact/relation in a stronger way). This falcon is a summer migrant so that might point to when you first crossed paths and/or will cross again.

Their personality is authentic, but you'll have a hard time seeing that (at first). This could be related to your own interests and lifestyle, and the concept of individuality (refer to the gull's and the eagle's links for inspiration to think deeper about this).

Either they're being thoughtful regarding how they live, and making wise choices, they're a student/teacher – or both! The Bubo bubo (adorable name) being a species of eagle-owl can indicate some connection to the previous eagle card (individuality, perspective...).

This is getting a little long so I'm gotta let you take it from here 🐚🌊

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (1865) Chapter III: A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE

«They were indeed a queer looking party that assembled on the bank – the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.»

Movement by Hozier in Spotify Singles (2019)

Thank you for trusting me to read for you. I would love to know what you think: if this resonates with your circumstances, and what comes of it. Don't be afraid to give me honest feedback and suggestions, after all, it'll help me become a better reader :]

Do you want to expand on this or have another topic to explore? Leave me a (follow-up) question!

You can always include the numbered tag associated with your reading(s), and I'll add it to the future posts as well, so they are identified as belonging to the same querent, and easier to find – check below, next to #OMEN DEAL.

For Ko-fi tips (zero pressure)

I honor the spirit who helps with my practice – for winding and guiding my path, learning how to sit with me, and being a light to read by.

Elioth Gruner's Milking Time / Araluen Valley

[quietwingsinthesky]

hi will!!!! can I get uh. ruby & my main man bones mccoy for the character thingy???

absolutely absolutely and you know let's just. pretend i answered this in a timely manner. definitely.

i do think that for the wait you've earned both! (and i want to talk about both so :3)

Ruby

Sexuality Headcanon: It's funny, I don't usually have a set sexuality for any character right up until the moment I'm asked, at which point I receive visions from beyond my understanding that inform me of the truth. and the visions said she's a bisexual lesbian.

OTP: local idiot forced to choose between samruby and annaruby, 69 injured, 420 dead

BroTP: I actually love dean & ruby's weird combative vibes. i love when she saves his life in Malleus Maleficarum, and he immediately gets all huffy about it ("It's called witchcraft, short bus." "You're the short bus … short bus." AFTER SHE'S ALREADY LEFT SKLAJSLDKJALSD) i love the few moments we get where they aren't at each other's throats, but also i do love when they're both so unnecessarily mean to each other like girls. girls, you're on the same side. it's so funny. and the fact that they have the same speech patterns. if you locked them in a room together for a week and they didn't kill each other, they'd come out speaking a pop culture language they invented together that no one but them and sam can understand.

NoTP: i don't think i have one for her? uh. bobby/ruby. sure.

First headcanon that pops into my head: from what i remember, what we know about Ruby is a) she was human once, b) during that time, she was a witch, and c) this was probably a pretty long time ago? let's say it was a long time ago for my purposes. anyway. salem witch trials ruby real. (also, additionally, ruby loved sam. she did. she really did. this was just Not A Good Thing.)

Favorite line from this character: yes yes she is the best of those sons of bitches but that entire speech is bitching. "You didn't need the feather to fly, you had it in you the whole time, Dumbo!" and obviously the lucifer parallel lines that drive me insane, "Because it had to be you, Sammy. It always had to be you. You saved us. You set him free. And he's gonna be grateful. He's gonna repay you in ways that you can't even imagine." LIKE. OKAY. YEAH. SURE. IM FINE AND NORMAL ABOUT THIS.

One way in which I relate to this character: she is sooo. god i don't know the word for it, somewhere between determination and loyalty, and i don't know so much about 'relates to this' as i want to have some of that. yes, okay, the thing she was determined to do was start the apocalypse but. but. she did it, didn't she? and that's damn impressive. and i just need some of that energy to finish my chemistry homework.

Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: SamRuby sex scenes, but idk if that's so much second-hand embarassment as it is me averting my eyes like a scandalized victorian gentleman going 'oh dear lord, this is none of my business, i should not spy on them.' It's just. O-O they really went all in for those scenes huh. huh.

Cinnamon Roll or Problematic Fave: Problematic Fave and i love her for it.

McCoy:

Sexuality Headcanon: gay gay homosexual gay

OTP: Bones/a vacation (but if pushed, i will admit to being a pretty big fan of McSpirk. OT3s my beloved.)

BroTP: okay okay hear me out: bones and uhura. she's the language lady, and he's the guy who has about 700 different sayings all tucked away inside his head, and no way do they not get drunk together. asdfhgjljk her teaching him vulcan sayings that are almost equivalent to something he could come up with, just so that they can both see spock's muted confusion (which is practically him shouting "bones what the fuck are you saying to me.") and oh obviously they are the people closest to the eternal disaster that is the kirk & spock dynamic (romantic or otherwise) and if they don't bitch to each other about those idiots, they might explode.

NoTP: Bones/that salt monster from The Man Trap. but in all seriousness, I don't think I have one.

First headcanon that pops into my head: Spending a few years in space means that whenever they get their feet on solid land, he's happy for transport that's less likely to send them into the freezing void if handled wrong. He's happy about this, for all of the ten seconds he's fool enough to let Kirk drive. He is never getting in a car with that man again.

Favorite line from this character: Oh, the first one I can think of is from the hand-off from TOS to TNG (the thing they do every time a new show starts where a character from the last one makes an appearance, however small, to sort of... I don't know. Wish them luck.) Anyway, in Encounter at Farpoint, when he's talking to Data, he ends the scene by saying about the Enterprise-D, "This is a new ship, but she's got the right name. Now you remember that, you hear. You treat her like a lady, and she'll always bring you home." which. feelings. T-T

One way in which I related to this character: we are both southern and grumpy lmao

Thing that gives me second-hand embarrassment about this character: I honestly can't think of any? I think his general 'I do not give a fuck, this is my medbay and you're all going to do what I say' negates my ability to feel second-hand embarrassment from him.

Cinnamon Roll or Problematic Fave: Hm. I'm giving him cinnamon roll status, but he would Not like it.

[msookyspooky]

About your post about greasy teen boy and kid googles, in my highschool there was this guy supeeeer popular with greasy hair shitty attitude and dumb as fuck. I found him so fucking ugly, literally repulsed by him but all my female classmates and even teachers... (yes... teachers) found him such a hot bad boy. One time he gave attitude to one of my friend (the sweetest guy, so kind and shy that u can't possibly have a problem with him cause' he doesn't even speak to you to avoid confrontation) so I told him to back off or we might have a problem that included my chair and his head. His response was that I should stop playing hard to get (where the fuck that come out I don't know) and I don't have a chance... because I think he thought I was being "mean" to him as a way to have his attention? I don't know, but I decided to demolish him by describing every single thing I founded ugly about him (physically and personalty talking) From greasy hair (obviously) to croocket nose, to a huge lack of skincare showed by a myriad of red pimples all over his face that I doubt he washed, from a basic fashion style stolen by Danny Zuko of Grease (lol... grease... grease hair... HA!) and the most annoying of all the fact he always act so sleepy, like he just woke up, talking so slowly... just to hide the fact that he was dumb as fuck and need more time to think.

Plus the friend he was picking on would for sure became someone successful in the future, will accomplish something with his life while him is gonna stay with his daddy and enherit because nepotism and daddy issues go hand in hand. AND HE WAS SHORT!!!

And as I finished the last sentence... the magic spell fall! Everyone start seeing what I was seeing... A rude greasy guy with attitude problem. His mini fangirl groupe slowly disappeared (just a girl remained) teachers weren't charmed anymore by him and guys started found him pathetic. He didn't graduate with me caused he failed one too many classes. Lol.

Moral, greasy rude teen boys are a lot of smoke... but no roast. Being mean to someone and pointing out all their insecurities IS VERY WRONG, but with guy like this is the only way to defeat them and save other people from being bullied.

Btw his response, a very late one I might add since I had already walked away, was "Shut up, everyone knows you're a lesbian" (I lived in a very catholic and conservative city so being gay was the worst thing to be, they literally forgive pedophilia but not homosexuality) and my screaming one was "I would love to have hard core bdsm sex with Meghan Fox" I was a 16 teenage girl, a pretty confused 16 years old, and being this repulsed by this guy that everyone found hot made me seriously doubt if I was straight.

Im in my twenties now and for sure I can say that I'm straight... but Megan Fox is a huge exception.

BRROOOO He sounds like every freaking popular guy I went to school with they were such dick munching asshats for no fucking reason and girls ate that shit up! My guess is when you pointed that out and he was stunned with his dumbass delayed reaction; the bad boy persona slipped OR you got in his head that bad that it slipped on its own and those gaggle of girls saw it.

Good for you and I'm glad you stuck up for yourself and your friend! Every asshole I went to school with in these small towns either became teachers, got pregnant and married before they were able to drink or are working at a regular job like everyone else EVEN THO they were going to be someone and everyone else was the loser....Sure Josh. Whatever you want to think babe. I'm sure you and your friends are better off in life than that fuckface will ever be.

And yeah, in small towns, the bad boys no matter how ugly are always popular. The ruder they are, the more girls want them. It's pathetic honestly and sad on the girls part. I pray those girls outgrow it bc it's fun in fiction but not irl.

I'm sure saying that about Megan had every catholics mouths gapping at you 😭☠️ Good for you bby 😜 😌

[olderthannetfic]

hi hi history-non again, sorry I know it's a very

ahem wide and girthy ahem

ask, and i'm sorry for not narrowing it down farther my brain is smooth as butter and the dart board, so to speak, is. big. i feel like im throwing my dart in the ocean of 'what i don't know' and trying to spear a fish who might speak to me like the queer elder i never ha d ;lkasjd;flkas damn you small conservative town ANYWAYS

i guess okay maybe do you have any favourite figureheads? whats your fave pieces of lgbtqa+ media (like books or shows?)

thanks again and sorry for.

uh.

big.

--

Lolololol. Yes.... it’s so... big...

In the 90s, the writers of nonfiction who I found really inspirational were Susie Bright and Kate Bornstein. My Gender Workbook was a classic. I gather there’s a new edition.

I was a massive, massive nerd, so my actual favorite queer book as a 14-year-old is one that will be a bit... uh... much if you’re not feeling very intellectual. It’s Third Sex, Third Gender: Beyond Sexual Dimorphism in Culture and History. This thing is a massive doorstop of a book that collects academic journal articles on third gender roles from various cultures. I was obsessed with this thing. Again, it’s academic journal articles, not popular nonfiction, so expect that level of impenetrable prose.

I was also a giant weeb, so I read a bunch of books on the history of gay sex in Japan. It’s pretty interesting how much people assume the “m/m sex = sin” shit was worldwide and how much it just was not.

In terms of fiction, I’ve always struggled to find f/f media I relate to. I really like the tv adaptations of Fingersmith and Tipping the Velvet. Lots of fucked up problematicness and gorgeous visuals. Gotta love the lady with the strap-on and the gold body paint!

For other queer media, I was a big fan of Velvet Goldmine and of Pedro Almodóvar’s older films, which are full of every problematic kink you can think of. They also have a lot of het I like, like the lady being coerced into sex (that she enjoys) by the drag queen who impersonates her famous mother she has a lot of mommy issues about... except said drag queen is really an undercover police officer. Just... whut. (All the “straight” stuff in Almodóvar’s films is also bugfuck nuts and often kind of queer.)

I really, really, really loved Crash. Not the shitty one that won an oscar: the car crash perverts one full of weird UST. There’s a ton of straight sex in this too, along with every gender combo and a laundry list of upsetting kinks. It’s just every kind of weird perv thing. (”Weird art film full of sex and problematicness” is pretty much the defining feature of movies I liked as a teen. I loved Kissed, that het necrophilia movie too.)

Stage Beauty is probably my favorite film for bi vibes. It’s this meditation on identity as the English stage was changing over from having men play women to having actual actresses. It ends in f/m, but it’s definitely a very queer film.

If you want slice of life stuff, I guess you could try Dykes to Watch Out For (the comic that’s the source of the bechdel test) or the Tales of the City novel series. These will both give you a sense of what was going on in certain queer communities in the late 20thC. If you want something relatively fluffy, Maurice is a historical costume drama with a happy ending. I found it awfully slow as a college student, but it does have naked Rupert Graves (Lestrade from Sherlock), so...

----

See, this is hard to answer because I came of age and did all of my reading of that kind a long time ago. I pretty quickly moved on to fangirl media, which I have always liked a lot better than other arguably queer stuff. Back in the 90s, that meant Japanese stuff and fic. Later, I had access to more flavors of by-fujoshi-for-fujoshi media.

So my actual favorite m/m books are a bunch of “m/m romance” (i.e. American BL being sold as ebooks on amazon). If you want live action TV and fandomy vibes, you’re better off with Trapped (hot cop/mobster action!) or one of those Thai series about schoolboys or something than stuff made by cis gay men in the US.

I also came of age in an era when “queer” media was very Cis Gay Men And Sometimes Cis Lesbians with an occasional nod to bi people existing... maybe. Kate Bornstein and a few others were raising the profile of MtF transsexuals (the term in use at the time) who wanted surgery or even, gasp, maybe didn’t want bottom surgery in some cases. Anything about FtMs or nb/agender/etc. identities was practically invisible. I saw the term ‘genderqueer’ around a bit, but it was mostly in contexts that were very tryhard and unappealing to me.

(You haven’t given any details, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you’re like much of tumblr and the flavors of queerness you relate to aren’t so much the Cis Gay Men Only culture that makes up quite a bit of queer history and older queer media.)

I can tell you what I liked as a teen, but not everybody is into fucked up art films that may not have happy endings. I can try to rec things about queer culture in the 90s, but I probably don’t have great recs for way earlier or later than that... unless it’s so much earlier that I’ve researched it while writing fic of some historical canon or other. A lot of how I learned about queer culture myself was from magazines or from reading soc.bi on usenet or just from living through the 90s--not typically from books that are easy to unearth and just hand to someone now.

I tend to just not like anything in the contemporary romance or slice of life genres, regardless of gender and orientation, so while I’ve watched/read a bit more queer stuff like this, especially in the past when I had less access to queer media, it’s not a space I’m great at reccing in. And that’s unfortunate because a lot of that type of art gives you a better sense of what other queer people were like in other eras and/or it’s a safer rec than some bananas crazy BDSM film.

I was, and am, very kinky (though pretty lazy in terms of actual practice), so a lot of my reading and media interest was bound up in that also. Obviously, I was quite interested in the drawings of Tom of Finland or the photography of Robert Mapplethorpe, but are you going to be into photos of some guy shoving a whip handle in his ass? I love the movie Cruising... it’s about serial killers and leather and homophobia and is every bit as potentially traumatizing as that sounds.

I feel you on the problem of finding queer elders. There isn’t really an obvious way to go about this.

[love-to-lgbtq]

Hi, so I'm a cis girl, and I'm thinking I might be bi but I'm not sure and it's driving me a bit crazy bc I feel like I should've realized before (?) Or maybe I just think that I am but I'm really straight (?) Idk

1- I just started college and I'm living on my own for the first time in my life, and ever since getting to this city I've been like "wow, girls are hot", but I never had that feeling before

2- I've only had one (1) actual serious crush in my life, and it was on a man. But I am notoriously terrible at identifying how I feel, and I've had some mini-crushes on other guys, as well as some rather confusing and unclear feelings for some of my female friends (one of which is bisexual and even had a crush on me at one point, so I always felt like I was just responding to the attention, but maybe I had an actual crush on her as well???)

3- Obviously, I have no romantic nor sexual experience to speak of with anyone of any gender, so...

4- I play a lot of videogames and interactive fiction where you have like romance subplots and the like, and I've almost always romanced men in those. And the few times I chose a woman, my character was an OC instead of a self-insert. However, lately I've become more and more interested in exploring some wlw romance routes on some of the games I'm playing with a self-insert

5- It makes objectively no sense for me to be somehow repressing my sexuality. I grew up in a fairly liberal country, my parents are not homophobic at all, and 3/6 of my closest friends (and many of my more casual friends) are in the LGBTQ community. I don't know why I wouldn't have known before or why my mind would be hiding this information from me

6- I'm not even crushing on anyone. It's not like I fell in love with a girl or anything, I'm just noticing them more. But it's like a switch flipped. On my first day, I was asked my orientation by a very nice lesbian and I said "straight" without hesitating, all the while thinking "she's cute, but I don't think I'd be into her even if I were into girls". The other day I crossed her on the hallway and I was like "whoa 😳". I thought sexuality was something that was always there, but in my case it seems like I somehow acquired it here or something idk 😂

7- I'm scared to start identifying as bi because that would mean becoming part of the LGBTQ community, and I don't want to enter those spaces only to later realize I was straight all along. It would feel dishonest and wrong. Especially since absolutely everyone I know knows me as a straight woman. Not in a "assumed heterosexuality" kind of way, but in a "a lot of people thought I wasn't straight and I've been verbally communicating my heterosexuality for years" kind of way.

8- I also don't want to ID provisionally as bi bc I don't want to feed into the "it's just a phase" myth

9- Sorry for the long ask, but it's just that I needed to vent and to get advice from someone who doesn't know me irl. Should I wait until I actually get a crush on a girl? Is there a way to know for sure if you're attracted to girls? What do I do???

Dear anon,

Oh, honey. Its as if I actually know you. You sound just like so many people im acquainted with. First I will tell you a joke that my mom and i have which is "straight people don't question their sexuality" if youre thinking you might be bi, ive got some news for you. You probably are. College is a time where a TON of people figure out their sexuality. Also I will note another queer joke that queer people tend to "flock" so yes you may be the token straight friend now, but all your queer friends have probably just been waiting for you to realize youre queer too. Different people figure themselves out at different times. Some people figure out in their 40s or later! Theres no shame! And if you realize you arent bi (but I'm almost certain you are) then thats fine! Labels only hold as much power as you let them. They change. Thats life! Ive changed my labels before. I used to identify as gender fluid and now I identify as nonbinary.

I think you should act upon this to your comfort level. If you want to experiment, go ahead. If you want to wait and see, that's fine! If you want to just tell people youre questioning, that works too! It's up to you. Its your identity. It sounds to me like youre bi, but if youre not ready to accept that or if you still arent sure, then that's fine. Live in the moment. Feel whatever you feel without questioning it. The rest will come later. Theres no need to stress over it.

Good luck, let me know if you have any more questions or just need to vent.

-Day

[menalez]

TMI/TW het stuff: So this might not be something you can answer, but how can OSA women discuss how dicks are gross without conflating our aesthetic rejection with the sexual repulsion lesbians experience? Because dicks aren't anything interesting to look at. Men's questionable hygiene means we've had some funky smells added to our perspective. Those of us who've performed oral know the taste of ejaculate is sour or bitter but always terrible. Then you consider what we learn in general about, like, smegma. And one thing I liked about everything @nectarxne said is we don't experience true clinical repulsion to our own bodies, which is why as a woman and a feminist I'm not grossed out by vaginas and some of that ~divine feminine~ vulva imagery. And I guess that's why guys are obsessed with their own dicks. I can totally understand how this contributes to lesbian confusion growing up with het as default. Is there any good way to distinguish all of this?

i guess idk.. differentiating between not thinking something is aesthetically pleasing and framing it to others as like. something u think is repulsive? idk. i can’t speak on this bc as a lesbian i simply find penises gross and feel nothing for it and repulsed by them. so i don’t know how exactly het nor bi women feel about penises at all, i just know growing up i heard het women say penises are gross and ugly and all women think so etc, not much of an emphasis on liking other aspects of male bodies. and i was like oh ok my lack of attraction to male bodies is just part of the hetero experience! other women also aren’t into male bodies! i have to say i did find ppl calling vulvas gross very very confusing and odd bc i never felt that way but i heard that moreso from men, less so from het women.

tbh from the way you worded it, it doesn’t sound like u necessarily find dicks gross or repulsive, but obviously u care about decent personal hygiene (understandable) and maybe u don’t think they’re like.. anything intriguing necessarily but i don’t get the sense here that u find it inherently gross? the thing that confused me a lot is that the het women in my life would straight up tell me “don’t worry, we think penises are gross but you’ll end up liking it anyways :)” or “yeah we all think male bodies aren’t nice and find female bodies attractive!”. i realise now when im around them that they DO in fact like penises (some of my female relatives straight up were like “wait so u really don’t like penises AT ALL?”) and DO find male bodies attractive. so that makes the statements i heard growing up even more confusing to me today 😭. idk if i gave any useful insight here, i probs just rambled aimlessly.... idk hopefully maybe someone can give a better answer here

[nnq]

modern!au k(lance)

they're all in their 20's except for Shiro who's 30 and coran who's 50

first of all. miss me with that 'pining roommate' shit. I love miscommunication and making characters that r sexy bffs with one another

Lance meets Nyma through a Craigslist ad he put up saying he needed a roommate. the moment they met was a tragedy for everyone but them because they're that powerful and beautiful

lance with tousled hair, wearing a half-unbuttoned silk shirt and designer jeans, Michael kors sunglasses pushed up atop his head, arm wrapped around nyma: hi guys this is my roommate, nyma!

nyma, with her blonde 3-ft long box braids down her back, perfectly manicured red nails, bodycon dress and loubitons, hand on lances waist: hey

allura, shaking and on the verge of tears: STOP MAKING US LOOK POOR AND UGLY

Lance is in school for marine biology and Nyma works as a hairdresser and the both of them are small beauty gurus on YouTube that collab with one another

lance: hey guys we're going to be trying out the new anastasia pallete we got today :)!

nyma: and by got we mean shoplifted from sephora

lance: NYMA YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT

they're also insta baddies and both gender non-conforming baddies. Nyma is a nonbinary lesbian icon and lance is a nonbinary bicon.... those are like the fucking BEST senses of style

anyone with eyes can see that nyma is into and ONLY into girls but of course... heteronormativity.

rolo: I still don't get why you're dating lance. he's super annoying.

nyma: he doesn't bitch nearly as much as you even when he's got my cock in his ass

they do this thing where when people assume they're a couple they pretend they're some kind of kink couple and freak everyone out

which is why when hunk and pidge meet nyma they're like :eyes: but when nyma flirts with pidge lance doesn't even bat an eye and then lance starts pining about Keith's greasy mullet and his bags under his eyes and nymas got this look on her face that perfectly resembles a man who's lost all sense of normalcy and righteousness in his life and now sits in a bar every night listening to this dumb romance novel type shit and then pidge and hunk are like. oh. no they're just gay.

speaking of keith. he's one of those gays. one of the quirky emo gays that never sleeps and listens to 'coffee and cigarettes' on repeat and has like 3 strings of lights in his room and not only is an art major but ALSO a photographer. and yet somehow he still has the will to wake up at 5 am every morning and go to the gym like some kind of HEATHEN.

Lance knew Keith in high school for 3 years until he got expelled for fighting at the end of his junior year. He was also universally crushed on and was the bad boy jock of the school with a heart of gold so naturally Lance pretended to despise him so he could pine for him in peace

that all goes down the drain when Lance recognizes Keith in one of his classes and goes through the five stages of grief because a) he's hot and b) Lance is openly bi now so he doesn't have an escuse to not tolerate him

(He wasn't gonna do anything about it until he was put in a group with Keith a few weeks into class and he off handedly mentioned he went to Keiths high school, and Keith claimed he didn't remember him, and Lance was just a tad bit upset but was gonna leave it at that except after like 5 days of working together Keith slams his fists into the table and is like 'HOLY FUCK LANCE MCCLAIN?' And Lance is like. w. What.)

turns out Keith does remember lance. very vividly, actually. because he was the guy that everyone kind of had a crush on because he was so nice and charming to everyone he met, and Keith was SO gone for him. he just didn't recognize him tbh, which makes sense, bcuz in high school lance wore blue contacts and had straight hair and now he just wears glasses occasionally and leaves his hair wavy. Keith is gay and stupid don't blame him

keith, bursting into Shiro and Adams apartment at 2 pm: SHIRO HOLY FUCK

adam, bags under his eyes, underneath the covers of him and shiros bed: good fucking god not again

I'm tired of talking about ppl other than Lance and nyma though so I'm gonna talk about them for a bit because im love

as I said Lance has wavy hair and his actual eye color is brown but as he was growing up he was hella insecure about it that's why he wore blue contacts.... nyma caught him once trying to put them on again and put an end to All That Real Quick

nyma has brown eyes too and they're super dark, almost black, and that shits breathtaking bro. she usually has her real hair dyed blonde all the time and permed but she also likes to wear wigs and get braids too because she knows she looks damn good in them. everyone is jealous.

lance has tons of super light freckles. Enough said. nyma has a birthmark on her hip that's kind of shaped like a horse if you look at it from the right way

lance: you were a horse girl as a kid weren't u

nyma: how fucking dare. how fucking dare you say that. I really do have to laugh.......

nyma: obviously I was a warrior cats stan

lance's sense of fashion ranges from 'i went to California for a week once and now I can't stop wearing sweatpants and slides' to 'It's surprising I haven't gotten robbed at this point'. Lance is a scholarship baby so all the money he saved up through countless jobs and the one he already has at a coffee shop almost exclusively goes to clothes and kombucha

Nymas sense of style is definitely more on the eccentric side but since she looks good in EVERYTHING she gets away with it. think dollskill but with more neon colors and designer. she's the kind of person that never wears the same shade of lipstick for a whole month and has a box full of makeup palletes that are almost untouched and everyone who has seen it is both jealous and in wonder FENTYWAYS...

Keith goes over to lance's apartment for a project of sorts and immediately assumes that Lance and Nyma are a thing (they're very platonically affectionate, Nyma will kiss lance's cheek and they cuddle sometimes) which is disappointing but it's not a surprise considering Lance is so Lance and everyone else acts like they are dating so that must be the case, right?

lmao you thought.

nyma: holy shit. holy Fuck. God, allura is so hot. I would probably die if she brushed past me. I would die happily knowing I've been blessed by the touch of an angel.

lance: yeah haha she's really pretty.

keith, struggling to not choke on his coffee hearing All This at 9:31 A.M. in starbucks:

Keith asks if he can take photos of the two of them for his photography insta and they both jump on it so they can flex being sexy and afterwards Lance thanks him with a kiss on the cheek and Keith is sent REELING into gay mayhem.

lance: do you think that was like..... too much.

nyma: i think men are dumb that's what.

I mean u can't really blame Keith because Lance and Nyma are constantly joke-flirting with one another on social media and are in almost every one of the others photos in some way, or at least tagged, so by the time Keith actually works up the nerve to ask about that, it's been WEEKS since Lance kissed him and he's been miserably failing to ignore it

keith: so.... how's nyma doing?

lance: she's good! She's spent all day dying one of her wigs so she went for a coffee run lol. probably will hang with allura and shay later too

keith: and.... that doesn't make you jealous?

lance: LOL no.... they could never compete with me (talking about being Nyma's best friend)

keith: oh.... well, it's good that you trust each other a lot in your relationship.... you seem like a really good boyfriend

lance: wat the fuck did you just say.

as soon as lance explains that nyma is not his gf and they're just bffs Keith is like ohthankgod.jpg and almost accidentally asks lance on a date before he stops himself and is like.... dumb gay bitch calm DOOOWWWNN

after that it becomes very obvious that nyma and lance r just friends at least for Keith mostly through dumb shit they say to one another

lance, sitting with hunk, pidge, and Keith at the library: hey guys wanna see something cool.

pidge: go for it

lance, clearing his throat: she think she bad but I'm better, these bitches tryna play catch up-

nyma, coming out of nowhere: SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN I'M TALKING LIL BITCH, PUT YO HEAD DOWN WHEN YOU TALK TO A PIMP-

Nyma and Lance have self-care nights every Friday, sometimes Allura or Shay will come, and very RARELY Keith if only to spend time with Lance. also? Allura and Shay are dating, die mad about it.

They do waxing, exfoliation, mud masks, moisturizing treatments, hair masks, painting nails.... need I go on. it's basically whatever they want to do that week and when Keith reluctantly agrees to participate one day Lance goes mental

lance: OK so here's what I'm thinking. it's obvious you haven't really had a self care day for a while, which is like, fine, you do you, but holy shit are your split ends bad. I was thinking maybe I could trim them and then we could do a hair mask? Oh! A face mask would be good as well, even though you've practically got perfect skin. I'd offer to wax but for first timers the pain is a bitch to handle on the face. I'm not sure if you'd be an acrylic kind of guy but I have some black nail polish that I could put on- wow, your hands are really big compared to mine, and they're so soft, haha, isn't that crazy? so what do you think?

keith, still reeling from the fact that lance is going to touch his hair, face, and hands in the next several hours: uh......yeah..... sounds great.

nyma, sitting on lance's bed in nothing but a bra and sweatpants, smoking a blunt and readjusting her sheet mask: *long exhale* christ

Shay got Lance into the whole healthy organic food thing and in turn he got Nyma into it so they're both the bitches who drink nothing but Fiji water and almond milk and will offer you a plate of sliced cucumbers and tomatoes as a snack. we Stan a vegan couple.

keith: these are actually really good.

nyma: we usually put them on our eyes, but go off I guess.

keith:

nyma: nah I'm just fucking with you, we have different cucumbers for that

by the end of the night Keith feels like he's been cleaned by a car wash and he's dizzy from all of lance's thoughtless affection and when lance says he can stay the night because it's already late, Keith mindlessly blurts out 'only if it's with you' and nymas like.... um. Wig.

keith, laying stiff as a board on one side of lance's bed: uh

lance: oh my God you gay bitch get over here and spoon me. also kiss me on the fucking lips bro.

Nyma owns a cat named Beezer that she stole from her old roommate (rolo) but calls her beebo because quote 'beezer is so fucking lame bro i hate men'. Lance owns a Russian blue mix called, you guessed it, Blue, that he found stuck in his apartments basement only a few days after moving in. Nyma and Lance are WEAK

lance: ohhhhh look at my pretty baby sitting on the table all cute and relaxed!!! look at that baby!!! fantastic stuff!

nyma, putting her head on beebos belly: You Are So Soft And So Chubby I Would Die For You

pidge would also die for the both of them

OK I'm tired and uninspired so I'll stop here but I MAY ADD MORE LATER