#oc: professor poirot

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

trying out a more cartoony minimalistic style as a midpoint between my usual one and my chibi one. here's some Jakobs execs

[v-thinks-on]

Wanna Know a Writer

Thank you very much to @sparrow-ink for the tag - I love doing these when I get the chance! Incidentally, this is also my 1001st post on Tumblr!

How many works do you have on AO3?

It looks like I have 116 right now, but it will be 117 tomorrow (with a short Batman/Superman fic)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

716,792 apparently... I’ve been writing like crazy lately and I still swear that can’t be right, but there you go

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

It looks like I’ve posted fic for 30 (including crossovers and fusions) and there may be more I haven’t posted, so not listing all of them. You can see the whole list here

Following @sparrow-ink‘s example, I’ll let my filesystem speak for itself:

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Language of Chess has been the undisputed champion for a while (Kirk and Spock flirt using the Vulcan language of chess)

The Old Family Farm is a more recent fic that came up from behind while I wasn’t looking (Clark Kent takes Bruce Wayne to meet his parents)

The Gift Giving Game was my K/S secret santa gift for Herenya_writes (Kirk and Spock stir up rumors as professors at Starfleet Academy)

A Hidden, Personal Thing (Spock offers to mind meld with Kirk)

Human, Vulcan, and Everything in Between (Spock is ace, Kirk is polyamorous, and it works well for them)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to respond to every comment because there’s nothing I like more than talking with people about my writing and the stories that inspire it! I’m more than happy to answer questions on here too, if anyone has any!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

So, these days I’m generally a firm believer in happy endings, but in the pre-AO3 days, I used to mostly write death!fic and a few highlights actually made it onto AO3:

The Death of Spock - Spock dies during the original five-year mission and Kirk is left to pick up the pieces

Only a Fool - Watson dies at Reichenbach and Holmes is left to pick up the pieces

Honorable mention: Devoted - the inevitable tragedy of Mary Watson (nee Morstan)

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

As it turns out, the other thing I used to write is crazy crossovers, many of which were never finished, let alone saw the light of day. I’ve dialed back on it (a little), but here are some highlights:

Spock in Wonderland

Millennium Death Note - currently in progress! (What if Light Yagami solved the Millennium Puzzle?)

The Mysterious Mr. Jeeves - Jeeves and Wooster x Everything, but I think the most outlandish one in there would have to be The Phantom of the Opera

Honorable mention: my old BBC Sherlock x Harry Potter - the writing isn’t great and the plot is a bit of a mess, but it will likely always be my most viewed fic

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Only a little bit and mostly just on FanFiction.net - there was one person offended that my big Star Trek TOS x TNG crossover was “secretly” Kirk/Spock. More often I get people who like most of my fics, but then get annoyed about Kirk being polyamorous or Spock being ace or don’t like how I decided to end something, which isn’t terribly helpful, but could be worse.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Nope, don’t read it, don’t write it, just not for me.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, thankfully.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I’m honored that people want to translate my stories into other languages (and make podfic of them)!

The first three chapters of Devoted (the tragedy of Mary Watson) are available in Chinese

Enough to Drive a Man to Madness (Mycroft puts up with Sherlock Holmes angsting about Dr. Watson) is available in Russian

Once Upon a Dream (Holmes and Watson dance) is available in Russian

The Appearance of Dorian Gray (Bertie Wooster meets Dorian Gray) has a podfic

And I think someone did a podfic of a scene from A Crazy Little Thing Called Love (the progression of Kirk and Spock’s relationship over The Original Series), but I can’t seem to find it right now

What’s your all time favorite ship?

My first and dearest will always be Holmes/Watson from the original Sherlock Holmes stories

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’ve gotten to be pretty good at finishing things I want to write, but there’s this huge Disney crossover I started writing with a friend that is glorious and complicated and almost 1/3 of the way done despite being over 90k already. Whenever I think about it, I always think that, yes, I will finish it some day, even though my co-author has lost interest, but the truth is probably not... But who knows, maybe I’ll turn around and have it done for next year’s @wipbigbang!

What are your writing strengths?

I’ve discovered a secret talent for finishing what I start, which is nice - a combination of planning and just keeping at it, slow and steady.

I think I do a good job of capturing characters’ voices, whether in dialogue or narration, and it serves me particularly well when I’m trying to imitate a style - I’m especially proud of some of my Jeeves and Wooster. I can also do some nice flowery prose if put my mind to it.

What are your writing weaknesses?

For all of my love of pretty prose, it’s easy for me to forget to describe things, so my writing can end up fairly sparse. I also feel like I could get better at integrating romance and plot - the romance often ends up getting drowned out by everything else going on, which is especially frustrating because I’m usually writing it because of the romance.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

That’s a good question. Probably Death Note (my friends and I used to ship L/Light) - that’s the oldest fic I have on my computer, at least, but I used to write on paper, so there may be something even older there. The first fandom I posted anything for is Harry Potter (a next-gen OC fic about the daughter of Bellatrix Lestrange - it’s best not to ask). I also posted my first Holmes/Watson fic at about the same time (it’s pretty bad, but I tried).

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I’m actually really happy with a couple of my somewhat recent longer fics:

Generations - my Kirk/Spock Star Trek: Generations fix-it

Bertie Solves a Mystery - Jeeves and Wooster get embroiled in a murder mystery and meet Hercule Poirot and Hastings (also Jeeves has a mysterious backstory)

tagging: I’m going to second @plaudiusplants and tag @the-z-part​ and @marlinspirkhall​ if you’d like to do it, along with anyone else who wants to go for it!

[infawrit10]

Y’all... stop me if you’ve heard this before but... America’s Got Talent AU

Okay so this is one of the first ideas I actually ever had for this fandom but I,,, can’t be bothered to actually write it in fic form. I tried, but I just... can’t be bothered lol. So it’s going here.

Okay, roles!

Roman’s a singer, I don’t think that surprises anybody.

He’s a baritone and is Proud Of It—they don’t get the recognition they deserve!!!

The boy sang before he could even form a sentence; he’s always just been ✨ musical ✨

Got the lead in every school play, and was playing bars before he could drink and the security people had to haul him out by his shirt collar just to make sure he’d leave after each set dsfjkdc

Came to the show because he knows a lot of singers win lmao

Patton is a comedian!

At the auditions, he goes around to people who look nervous just to give them a friendly smile and crack a joke or two just to give them something else to focus on for a few minutes before they have to get ready to go onstage.

He’s got a little bit of a gimmick where he’s just Everyone’s Dad.

In the recorded package they have for his act for the televised cut, there’s actually shots of him going around to different people and being distinctly Dad-like. One of them is of him and Virgil sitting on a crate together and Virgil looking at him frankly and saying, “I’m not your son.”

The judges immediately love him. They love his positive energy and they mostly love his jokes—though some of them do groan at some of his more painful puns.

Logan is a mentalist. Man is BRILLIANT.

Has been called a mind reader on more occasions than he can count on his fingers and toes.

He’s a professor by day, but at night he does gigs at clubs and things of that nature. He basically wanted to be Sherlock Holmes/Hercule Poirot So Badly when he was a kid that he just sort of,,, developed telecommunicative powers djsafndsknc

Jkjk, he’s just Incredible with deduction, and when the judges say that he accomplished his goal of becoming Sherlock Holmes he smiles so wide and it catches the stage lights so nicely and many people in the audience abruptly feel faint.

Virgil’s I actually came up with first. He’s an escape artist. I figured anxiety, scaring the pants off of people, makes sense.

He could actually be classified as agoraphobic, but he realized he wanted so much more than fear in his life, and not doing anything day in an day out depressed him so badly that he basically tried to push himself to the complete opposite end of the spectrum and just,,, started trying to figure out how to escape straight jackets (he much prefers gay jackets) and other such things lol.

His whole schtick is with each act he does, he wants to face one of his greatest fears.

He came to the show to prove to himself that he could do this. And because it also conquers a fear of looking stupid/making a fool of himself on camera.

Despite how nervous he is, his delivery is actually Really smooth. He’s smug, sarcastic and dry, riding the line between being a total a-hole and super endearing.

When the judges first meet him and question him before his act, he’s so nervous. His voice shakes, he’s looking up through his bangs at all the people in the crowd and it’s all so Much that he seriously contemplates walking off and abandoning the whole idea. But when the questioning ends and they invite him to start, he bounces in place a little bit to shake out the nerves, claps his hands once decisively, and to anyone not inside his head, it seems like he’s entirely level-headed and ready.

(I came up with this so long ago that in my notes, Janus is labeled as Deceit ajdnalsdnlf)

Janus is a magician!

He’s incredibly good with close-up magic—card tricks, etc.—but he definitely has a flair for the dramatic and is a natural showman, so he easily establishes himself as one of the strongest contenders in the competition.

Remus is a gross-out act. He’s one of those acts that reminds you of a car wreck, where it’s so awful you don’t want to look, but you just Absolutely Have To out of pure grim fascination. He’s the act the people watching at home fast forward through on their DVRs.

The judges are astounded by how different he is to his brother, and the production team LOVES reminding the audience both in-house and on TV that they’re brothers. At every possible opportunity, they’re compared, and Roman absolutely Hates it.

Also Remy’s a comedian and Emile does impeccable impressions of cartoon characters!

Btw, I’d have OCs fill in for the judges because most of the judges annoy the heck out of me ndafsfandskl

This is getting really long, but if you ever have questions on this AU, don’t be afraid to send ‘em in!

[couchcushings]

I was tagged by @majora-the-trekking-hobbit to answer these. Thanks!!

1. What is the most overrated movie made by your favorite director, in your opinion?

See, this one is going to be hard because I don’t really have a favorite director. I have favorite actors/composers/authors etc. So I guess I’ll go with longtime fave of mine, Peter Cushing. And the most overrated movie I saw him in? Star Wars IV: A New Hope. I’m just... a Trekkie I guess. I’ve seen it several times over the years (mostly before I got into his stuff) but it didn’t really stick with me beyond the age of about 12. *shrugs*

2. If you could go to one of your favorite musicians’ live in concert, who would it be?

Ha, so, I don’t really have a favorite musician. But either Queen Flo or Lindsey Stirling.

3. How would you describe your clothing style?

Is it warm? I’m wearing it. In the summer I dress like your tacky great-grandma.

4. What is your favorite flower?

Daffodils!!

5. What is the weirdest movie you ever watched?

Captain Apache. I really REALLY love LVC but uh, honey, no.

6. If you were asked to sing a song from a musical, what song would you sing?

The Professor of Music from MGM’s The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

7. What is the worst horror movie you’ve ever seen?

Ooo, that’s a good one. While Pete is aesthetic as fuck in it, the Blood Beast Terror was awful.

8. What is your favorite Shakespeare play?

I don’t have one~

9. Which actor, from any time period, would you want to spend a day with? 

See, questions like this are the reason I procrastinate about doing these. There are so so many people I’d love to chill out with. E.G. I want to buy Buster a cookie and tell him how much everyone loves his movies. Or spend the day with Bev Garlard staring awkwardly at her and telling her how badass I think she is. Or the a day with Danny Kaye spent trying out different tongue twisters. Maybe Bing, Bob, and Dorothy and I going on a roadtrip? See, I can’t pick.

10. What is your favorite silent movie?

I have seen a total of seven silent movies and they were all Buster Keaton pictures so please bear with me but, honestly, The Haunted House (1922).

11. If there was one historical figure you’d fight/argue with, who would it be?

DON’T FUCKING MAKE ME PICK JUST ONE. I am five-feet-one-half-inch of pure unbridled Rage. First off, it’s a Dunkin’ parking lot at two am and it’s snowing. There are three people waiting for me: That Jackass Andrew Jackson, Thomas Edison (the Wanker), and fucking FDR. They’re all going down.

Anyways, here are my 10 questions for y’all:

1) Favorite 1960s sitcom and if you don’t have one, google them and pick whichever one looks the funniest.

2) Which children’s book series is the best in your highly objective opinion.

3) Which supernatural creature are you most likely to date and why?

4) Drawing or writing and why?

5) On a scale of Hercule Poirot (everything has its Very Specific Place) to Sherlock Holmes (my bills are in the light fixtures), how organized are you?

6) Your fave OC (if you have any).

7) What would your horror/fantasy alter ego be like? (EG mine is a cheerful necromancer who likes building bone dogs.)

8) What was the last book you read?

9) What’s your Type(tm)?

10) If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

I tag @majora-the-trekking-hobbit, @rynnwolfe, @justastormie, @ufonaut, @liggytheauthoress, @general-sleepy, and @herbertwestapologist, and whoever else wants to answer c:

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

a few goobers from the three planes, my magi-teslapunk fantasyish universe

(he/him for the 2 guys on the left, pe/per for the gentleskleph in the center, he/they for the fancy hat wearing automaton, she/xit for the fist-happy kit-de on the far left)

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

revisiting some old ish fandomless ocs

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

MY TURN which one of your ocs would get sent to weenie hut jr's instead of being admitted into the salty spittoon

Lazarus, Samuel, Maxwell, Dell, Thuil and Walter.

Kat & Dawg would get sent at first but through a whole sitcom slapstick episode of murder and hijinks (and or bomb/death/etc threats) they would eventually be admitted.

Poirot also would get sent but then he would blow up the Salty Spittoon with giant fireballs. And then blow up Weenie Hut Jr's too for good measure

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

This feels mega cringe but uhh here's Borderlands au Sir Robert Windward and Professor Charles Poirot lmao (if you follow me long enough to remember these two, you deserve a veteran's discount).

They both work at Jakobs because I'm ill. Windward is head of Security, Poirot is the director of R&D's "Department of the Aberrated", which deals in [REDACTED] and [CLASSIFIED] (every corporation has Something that deals in shit like that).

The sexual tension between them is so thick you could cut it with a knife.

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

prof poirot and le'thuil! : 🍉🥑🍇

🍉 [WATERMELON] What will your OC take to the grave?

Poirot - Esoteric knowledge nobody would even dare read and his crush on Windward (the latter only in a few endings, but still)

Thuil - Around a hundred extremely complex analyses of classic theatrical and literary pieces. Pe's kinda too busy to write them all down.

🥑 [AVOCADO] What will they never back down about, even if it makes them seem bad?

Poirot - The freedom of knowledge, specifically the freedom to practice any kind of magic. He's basically the wizard equivalent of a feral scientist after all.

Thuil - Formality and general class. Pe WILL use extremely complex words and dramatic flair in literally every situation. Also, that stuffed isopod is the best food in existence and everything else sucks.

🍇 [GRAPES] What's their circle of people/their species like? What dynamic would they be called?

Poirot - Well, he's human, so fairly obvious, but also a thaumatologist, AKA a wizard: in his case, specifically proficient in conjuration and destruction, dabbling in forbidden magic, especially transmutation on the side. Wizards in general have a stereotype of being secretive weirdos, but he couldn't be more open! And ever so slightly silly (read: he loves casting fireball and turning flesh into silver).

Thuil - Cethelans are a strange bunch. Tall, semi-aquatic, molluscoid, tentacle-faced, one eyed, four armed, hermaphroditic. The closest trope I can think of is elves, and while their bodies are better conduits for magic than human ones, cethelans aren't smug (Thuil is, but pe's just like that) or exceptionally long lived. Clan Le is... strange to say the least. They've had a lot of famous and/or infamous members over the 300+ years of its existence, in no part due to a whopping 11 schools being part of it. They make an impact, and that's all I can really say.

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

gay wizards have bonus damage to their destruction spells. trust me

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

wizard moment

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

love this wizards. the poison rot

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

ah yes the scrunklies

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

everyone else in the comittee is in the mercenary business mostly for the cash + "legal" protection but prof. charles poirot? that old man just really loves killing with fire and warping flesh

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

he is casting the spell of fuck you (and everyone in your general vicinity)

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

professor ending: auto makes poirot confess his feelings to windward. windward graciously accepts and reciprocates. poirot faints from the shock right after. in the credits you see them sitting on a bench watching the sunset

bodyguard ending: auto encourages windward to start going out beating stuff up again like in the old days. he joins ursula on one of her jobs and the two accidentally develop feelings while fighting some bad guys. poirot is obviously sad but comes to the conclusion that as long as windward is happy he's happy.

thief ending: happens if auto doesn't anyone up with windward. le'thuil jokingly flirts with windward. he returns the feeling genuinely and you can later see the two hanging out in various clubs. in the end credits you see them clinking wine glasses and chatting. again a bittersweet ending for poirot.

hitman ending: auto sets up a totally friendly meeting between knight and windward. turns out the meeting is a date. windward figures it out and seizes the opportunity to seduce the automaton. poirot is confused as to how his boss chose a literal killing machine over him but feels roughly the same as in the other endings. in the end credits you see windward kissing knight's chassis.

true ending: you arrange dates with each of the committee members and windward so that they all meet in one place. polycule time. in the end credits you see the committee all embracing windward, also his organic hand has 4 rings one on each finger except the thumb.

secret ending: auto uses their video game protagonist powers to romance windward