#oh and we cant forget about ‘this man cannot have any motivation without a dead girl in his backstory’

[metaphysicae]

look i love guillermo de toro but his show’s adaptation of dreams at the witch house was a fucking mess (granted he was not the writer but ????)

[orionsangel86]

13x01 - Episode Review Part 1

In which Dean just about held it together... and I did not. 

This review will be in several parts. I have separated it into several sections that I wish to talk about because hot damn. What an episode! This Part 1 focuses on Dean’s grief and Destiel and saying goodbye to Castiel. 

Firstly, an introduction

As I sit here, surrounded by three friends who I met on tumblr, BECAUSE of this show, I am amazed at how far I have come. I did not think that when I joined this fandom I would ever get to this moment, but my gosh what an amazing feeling this is. To all of you out there – reach out to people, you really won’t regret what you find. 

I adored this episode. I screamed, I even shed a single man tear whilst holding on to @amwritingmeta quite tightly… sorry Annelie if I hurt you at all. @tinkdw, @margarittet and @amwritingmeta you guys are wonderful and I am so glad that I have been able to flail and scream along to this awesome episode with you. Thank you for sharing this crazy obsession with me.

Part 1 - Love, Grief and Saying Goodbye

THEY USED METALLICA’S NOTHING ELSE MATTERS AS THE OPENING SONG! We were two seconds in and @margarittet had to pause because we all collectively SCREAMED that they chose to use this as the open song AS WELL! @tinkdw said that she wanted to try and guess what the opening song was this season but I don’t think ANY OF US considered that they would reuse “Nothing Else Matters” because its just so on the nose isn’t it? Nothing else matters? Nothing else matters than what exactly?

Well once again the “Then” sequence ends on Dean kneeling over Cas’s body.

The answer is Castiel. Nothing else matters than CASTIEL. This is repeated CONSTANTLY throughout the episode. You are not allowed to forget about him for a SINGLE SECOND and this opening song drums that home. Seriously if there are any Cas fans out there still bitter about Cas I dunno what show you are watching because it certainly ISN’T the show I watched yesterday.

It hurts to think about. What even was this episode? From the opening song “Nothing Else Matters” to the “Goodbye Cas” at the funeral pyre, this episode was chocablock full of moments that prove unequivocally that for Dean, Cas truly is his guiding light, his hope. Even if you don’t see their relationship as romantic you cannot possibly deny after 13x01 that Dean and Cas have an extraordinary connection and a deep and profound love that has now transferred to an even deeper excruciating grief in Dean.

Choosing to use this song as the season opener though? The season opener always reflects the tones of the season, the main themes. To have THIS song as the season opening? Wow. Just wow. This is a song that comes up first if you google “Metallica Love Song” by the way. In case you were wondering if it was indeed a love song. Because it is. James Hetfield confirmed it was written for a girlfriend. Interestingly though it has been debated over the years as the lyrics themselves are not conventionally romantic lyrics. Nevertheless, this is now fact: Supernatural used a Love Song called “Nothing Else Matters” to set the tone and theme of season 13, lingering over shots of Dean looking down at Castiel’s dead body. This isn’t even arguable. This is where we are.

(and what a wonderful place to be my friends)

Dean’s grief was beautifully portrayed by the superb acting skills of Jensen Ackles. In my season 13 wishlist I said this:

“It probably goes without saying but MAN PAIN OVER CAS – I mean, I reckon we are gonna get a good helping of this. Maybe not immediate tears but its gonna be pretty damn angsty – if the promo’s are anything to go by. I basically want it to be UNDENIABLE in canon that CAS is the reason that Dean is so broken up and that BOTH brothers are seriously struggling with his death. It has to be OBVIOUS how important Cas was to them and how his death has affected them”

I think we can tick this one off. :)

Continues under the cut.

The grief was so intense, it left me with a constant ache in my heart that still hasn’t shifted as I write this. From the first moment, Dean’s face in this episode brought me both intense pain and also intense joy. Bless Jensen for being such an amazing actor.

LOOK AT THIS FACE

There was a lot of speculation over the summer that Dean would just snap, pull out his gun, and go to shoot Jack once it sunk in that Cas was actually dead, and that is EXACTLY what he does. But that isn’t what broke me, what broke me is just how OFTEN the audience is reminded that ultimately, even though others died as well, for Dean, it is ALL ABOUT CAS. (Nothing Else Matters after all).

In the now famous sneak peek car scene Dean can’t even say the words when it comes to Cas SPECIFICALLY. He can admit that Crowley is dead, that Kelly is Dead and that mom is gone, but Cas? Nope. He chokes on his words:

(x)

Sam IS able to say the words. He can ask “Is Cas really dead?” Dean just growls “you know he is” and drives on. It is HEARTBREAKING.

The next moment we get that textualises the huge difference between Cas’s death and the other deaths for Dean is the moment during the fight with Miriam the angel when this wonderful exchange takes place:

(x)

Now we don’t actually know what was going through Dean’s head at this moment, but Miriam calls him out on it anyway - whether or not she was able to read his mind or she just went for the obvious assumption we don’t know. But Miriam doesn’t mention Mary, she doesn’t mention Crowley. She only mentions Castiel. This is in contrast to Sam’s discussion with Jack about reopening the portal, which is easily interpreted as Sam thinking of ways to use Jack to get Mary back, because we can understand that OF COURSE that would be Sam’s primary motivation right now. Sam still has hope. Dean doesn’t - except for the split second in this scene when he does. He falls for Miriam’s words, and it makes her “Oh sweety” so much worse.

The angels are usually exposition for Cas’s feelings for Dean, but in this scene, in a somewhat similar way to the scene in 8x19 with Naomi, they are exposition of Dean’s feelings for Cas, in a theme that is constantly running throughout this episode.

Finally once all the action is over and the boys head back to the cottage with Jack we get ten minutes of the emotional, poignant and touching moments that this show has ever given us. Enough that once I started sobbing, I couldn’t stop. 

I love Sam’s careful questioning to Dean:

“Are you sure about this Dean? I mean its Cas. Ya know? Maybe we can bring him back? Like you said?”

“No we Cant”

“Chuck did, um God did, remember that? So maybe if, I dunno, if we prayed to him or…”

“You don’t think I’ve tried that?”

Before I even get into the beauty of Dean’s prayer, THIS right here is ONCE AGAIN proving HOW differently the brothers view Cas. Sam is asking these questions, rather than telling Dean. Because he know that Dean is the authority on all things Cas. He knows that whatever Dean decides, he is going to go along with it. We have had this same theme running throughout seasons 11 and 12. Sam always accepts Dean’s decision when it comes to Cas. Always.

And yet we still don’t textually have a reason for this. Dean continues to refer to Cas like his and Sam’s third brother. So why are the two not treated equally? Yet again we have been shown the difference between the brotherly love between Sam and Cas and the ??? love between Dean and Cas. One is not the same as the other.

DEAN’S PRAYER

This is where I started to tear up. Honestly…

FULL PRAYER: “Ok Chuck. Or God or whatever. I, I need your help. You see you left us. You left us. You went off… You said, you said the earth would be fine because it had me and it had Sam but it’s not.  And we’re not. We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back. You’re gonna bring back Cas, you’re gonna bring back mum your gonna bring em all back. All of em. Even Crowley. Because after everything that you’ve done you owe us you son of a bitch so you get your ass down here and you make this right. Right here. And Right now.”

“Please. Please help us.”

Now, see this is where I squeal because he said “We’ve lost Everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back.” Because this CLEARLY reads as Dean saying that Cas is EVERYTHING (which fits in nicely with the theme of “Nothing Else Matters” to Dean) and I know there has been some debate over whether it was actually “him” or whether it was “em” that he said, but since the official CW subtitles caption it as “him” I’m gonna assume they are correct. And anyway, it says a lot when the official PR team use this specific interpretation – almost like they wanted to make sure we knew exactly what Dean was saying. Hmmmm… I wonder why.

The fact that we then get the pause where he turns away from the camera, waiting for a sign, anything, and it feels almost like we are interfering. Dean is hiding from the camera in his moment of anguish, and we are made to feel hopeless in light of his pain.

To then see Dean smash up the sign on the door (which I will talk about more in my Signs, Symbols, Ships and Handprints part of the review), and just finally show the extent of his emotional anguish and grief is again so fantastic for anyone still doubting Dean’s absolute love and adoration for Castiel:

(x)

This is a man who only prays in the most DIRE situations. Look at the desperation on his face. REVEL IN IT!

Moving on and honestly I didn’t think the episode could get more emotional than that prayer BUT I WAS WRONG. (Oh how much I underestimated Dabb when writing my wishlist!)

The way that Dean stands in that room, the high angle shot and the cinematography/lighting which makes it gloomy and almost sepia toned like all the colour has been drained out of Dean’s world. The way he looks both too small and too big for the room. Its sombre. Its silent. The atmosphere is drenched in sorrow. Its beautifully done.

(x)

The way he removes the shroud and takes one last look. His own private way of saying goodbye. Its Dean’s micro expressions both here and throughout the episode that I ADORE because you can tell so easily that he IS fighting back tears almost constantly. It’s the jaw clenching, the swallowing down his pain, I was half expecting a Darcy hand clench to appear.

(x)

His pain is so raw, so real, and so fucking heartbreaking. This is pain and grief for someone you deeply love on a whole other level. This is the pain of a lost spouse. Words can not describe how beautifully Jensen delivered these scenes. I don’t think I will ever be over just how intense this was to watch. I don’t think I will ever be able to watch it without crying.

We talked at our premier party about the significance of Dean wrapping Cas’s body. About how this is the first time such a thing has ever been shown (usually the show just cuts straight to the pyre). It’s a mark of serious respect to Castiel, as a beloved character on the show, and also, a nod to traditional ceremony’s in Jewish and Islamic cultures of the closest family members to the deceased preparing the body for burial. The fact that Dean does this on his own, without Sam, is also to highlight the difference in their relationships.

I stress again that Sam DOES see Cas as his brother. Because regardless of ridiculous arguments that try to state otherwise, Sam is not an asshole and made it clear last season that he too loved Cas deeply. So why is Dean doing all the work? Because Dean is not Cas’s brother. He is his freaking husband. He’s acting like a widow throughout this entire episode.  He is playing the dutiful spouse. In deep mourning, fighting back tears whilst he says goodbye to the love of his life.

(I’m crying again FYI)

But then even all THAT isn’t enough for Andrew Dabb. Oh no. He had to hit us with even FURTHER angst with the pyre scene and Sam’s heart breaking speech of goodbye:

“Thank you. You say thank you. And you say you’re sorry. You hope they’re somewhere without sadness and pain. You hope they’re somewhere better. You say goodbye.”

(x)

And in that moment Sam Winchester stomped all over my already beaten heart

Because this really was a send of to Cas. Yes Sam was talking about all of them, and we lost A LOT of great characters in season 12, and this was the writers way of paying respect to all those characters, but ultimately, like how he was at the forefront of Dean’s mind the entire episode, he was so very present throughout all of this, and the respect and love shown to Cas in this episode by the characters, the writers, the show creators... I’m in utter awe. It’s so much more than I could ever have asked for.

(x)

“Goodbye Cas”

And Dean just put in the final blow.

Once again though Cas is at the forefront of Dean’s mind. He comes first. That makes three times in this episode that Dean has listed out their fallen family. Every time though, Cas is separated from the others. Cas’s loss is on a different level to Mary and Crowley and Kelly.

Kelly was a victim, but her loss wouldn’t gravely hurt Dean

Crowley was an ally/nemesis who was sometimes something more. His loss gave Dean conflicted feelings.

Mary was their mother and that one would have hurt deeply. But Mary’s death was already an old wound, a new person in their lives who they didn’t really know. They were only starting to know her. Their grief over her will be strong indeed, but its not the same.

Cas was the loss that buried deep. Cas’s loss has broken Dean. Dabb has made it absolutely undeniably clear that Cas’s death is the focus of this episode, even when not directly mentioned (more on that later). And that Dean’s love for Cas is the very central theme of this entire season. Nothing Else Matters after all. Not for Dean. Not any more.

Thanks for reading! In part 2 I will explore the introduction of Jack and the narrative mirrors surrounding him in the premier. Watch this space.

[surveysonfleek]

697.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 44 4201. Has your life lacked a miracle? i mean... not really. it’s my fault for not having the greatest motivation. 4202. Would you shoot a terrorist? if i had a gun and they were attacking people, then yes. otherwise i’d call the cops first. 4203. Were you an unlovely child? probably the opposite, i was very loud and talkative as a kid. 4204. In the recent Michael Jackson documentary was he treated fairly? haven’t seen any mj docs in years tbh. 4205. New York City and other places along the East Coast have recently been said to be the next terrorist targets. What do you think about this? this is a really old survey, so i’m taking this with a grain of salt.

4206. What should the last question in this survey be? not sure lol. 4207. Are you more likely to think so deeply about things that you forget to take out the garbage OR be wrapped up in your life and forget to think deeply about things? the first one. 4208. In what ways are you destructive? that i’m not thinking about the future enough. 4209. If you're not with the one you love can you love the one you're with? for me, no. 4210. Why is it that when you hang upside down the blood rushes to your head but when you stand up the blood doesn't rush to your feet? i actually have no idea. 4211. Do you demand a better future? sure. 4212. Does it make you uncomfortable to meet a person with a handicap or deformity (retarded, deaf, lacking a limb, etc.)? no? why would it. 4213. What did you think of the movie Vanilla Sky? never seen it. 4214. What is your favorite thing to dip into fondue? depends on what kind of fondue.  4215. Are you moe like Wayne or Garth? neither. 4216. SNL or Mad TV? neither. 4217. Best three REM songs: i can only name two tbh. 4218. Name something you do that might be considered eccentric: i’ve been into this paint by sticker thing lately. time consuming but fun lol. 4219. Are you hard or easy to love? pretty easy i’d like to think. 4220. Could you be the next american idol? no because 1. i cant sing and 2. i’m not american. 4221. If you were going on american idol what would you: wear? n/a sing? 4222. Is Simon Cowell sexy or does he suck? he is definitely not sexy to me lol. 4223. What was the last thing you used a credit card for? a christmas present lol. 4224. Do you like back or foot massages more? back. 4225. If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow why oh why can't I? ok. 4226. Why do teachers always want blue or black ink? well tbh i’d hate it if i had to read papers written in red or something light. 4227. What do you keep your change in? my wallet. 4228. Do you read playgirl or playboy for the articles? no. 4229. Are you old fashioned? In what ways? not at all. 4230. If you were going to get a mentor who would your top three choices be (out of everyone alive)? casey neistat, rihanna and oprah. 4231. Would you rather visit France or Thailand? i’ve been to france so probably thailand. 4232. You love your partner but they are a slob. They aren't likly to change. Your thoughts: i honestly cannot bear to live with a slob, so i’d have to talk to them about my concerns and get them to change their ways or i’ll probably just snap and leave them. 4233. Is anything brainwashing people? probably. How/in what ways? the media in general, being picky with what and how they portray world issues. 4234. If you were a sex psitols song which one would you be (some choices in case you aren't familiar with them: Holiday in the Sun, Bodies, No Feelings, Liar, Problems, Seventeen, Pretty Vacant, New York, E.M.I.)? i don’t know any of their songs. 4235. Are you more likely to drink moderately and often or drink within an inch of your life but only once in a while? i only really ever drink to get drunk. so not often at all. 4236. What scares you most about war? how it’ll affect my family and friends around the world. 4237. You find a man with wings (an angel?) half dead in your back yard. the first thing you do is: if someone’s home with me i’d get them asap. or i’d at least take a pic/video from afar then probably call the cops lol. i’d be too scared to check up on them myself. 4238. Why do people go to faith healers when there is so much proof that they are fake? some people just need a little hope sometimes. it’s just unfortunate that these fakes take advantage of them and take their money. 4239. When someone you care about is really angry with you how do you feel and how do you deal with that feeling? i feel pretty shitty. if it’s my fault i’ll do my best to make it up to them. 4240. There's a guy who sometimes get violent with his wife. He will scream 'I LOVE you!' While he hurts her. Do you think there could be any love there? hell no, i don’t think anyone should hurt someone they love... 4241. Name at least three things that make you want to cry. idk. 4242. Is John Malkovitch sexy? Is Billy Corgan? no to all. Is Michael Stipe? Is Moby? Is Sinead O'Connor? 4243. Imagine there's a lepper and he wants to be cured but instead of going away his sores sprout sunflowers? Would that be a miracle? Would that tell you anything about anything? i’d be freaked out. 4244. Do you watch people? sometimes. 4245. Do you have anything that doesn't belong to you? yes. 4246. what is normal? whatever you think it is. 4247. You are given your own private island. What would you name it, and who is allowed to live there with you? i’d name it after me and only my family, boyfriend and friends are allowed to live there lol. 4248. How can you prevent war? i don’t think i can tbh. How can we all prevent it? write to the government. 4249. If something is wrong in society and you don't like it butr you do nothing about it, i a way aren't you supporting it? no, i feel like supporting it is more about agreeing and spreading the word about it. 4250. Do you like Leslie Nielson? idk them. 4251. If you could make a new toothpaste flavor what would it be? apple. 4252, Have you ever called the police or the fire department? yes. Why and what happened? called the cops once coz there was a huge fight in broad daylight, called the fire department because i was driving home from work one night and a random tree was ablaze. 4253. What's more important, freedom or security and why? for me, security. i don’t really like facing the unknown without security. 4254. Who pays most of the taxes, rich people, or average people or poor people? everyone is basically paying the same cut. Who should pay the most? politicians lol. 4255. You are on the weakest link with these contestants: a monkey, Simon Coswell, Hayden Christensen, Cher, a guy in a teenage mutant ninja turtle costume and GW Bush. Who do you vote off as the weakest link and why? the monkey because it’s not human. 4256. Do you like: mint skittles? never tried. mint ice cream? sometimes. junior mints? never tried. 4257. Does protesting/demonstrating really have any effect? yes. it spreads the word and gives people a platform to protest something they are passionate about. 4258. After the world demonstrated against war with Iraq, Saddam was quoted as saying america was 'weak and isolated'. Do you believe this is so? i don’t know... i don’t know enough to comment. 4259. Have you ever wanted to be with someone who was off limits? no. 4260. Have you ever wanted someone so badly that you would kiss your hand imagining it was them? haha no. 4261. Are there any situations when cheating on someone is okay? only if you had some sort of agreement with your partner to be in an open relationship but then again it wouldn’t be classified as ‘cheating’. so idk. 4262. When you feel empty inside what do you fill yourself up with? Where does it come from? sleep. 4263. Would you rather be loved or desired? loved. 4264. When you remember something do you remember yourself to be more or less graceful/positive/smooth than you actually were? none? 4265. How can you tell the days of the week apart without using a calander? Are your days really different or all the same? just by comparing it with the dates and days of this week. 4266. Who started punk rock? idk. Who started goth? Who started hip hop? 4267. What 3 things about you have shaped your life the most? my family and upbringing, my boyfriend and my education. 4268. Is your mind awake? yes. Is your soul? yes. Were they always? i guess so. If not, can you remember a moment or a few moments that helped you wake up? 4269. Have you ever misperceived what was going on only to discover it when it was too late? not that i can think of. 4270. Do you understand the human heart? no. 4271. How important is your weight? How important is your partner's weight? important. and not super important for my partner, as long as they’re healthy. 4272. What color is the wind? nothing. 4273. Do you believe children or adults know more? adults for the most part. 4274. Do you believe you are crazy? no. 4275. Did you predict the ending to Joe Millionaire? Is there something you care about less than you care about Joe Millionaire? don’t remember. 4276. Snow blower or shovel? neither because it doesn’t snow here. 4277. List everything you ate in the last 24 hours? tuna, crackers, nutella sandwich, chicken, broccoli and rice. 4278. Have you ever plagerized? no. If yes, what and why? did you get caught? **** No one could act in that daredevil movie. The script sucked as well. This is not a question. **** 4279. Who specifically annoys you? my boyfriend. 4280. What is your favorite blanket like? i don’t really have a favourite. 4281. How do you feel about teachers coming on to their students? Students coming on to their teachers? both wrong. 4282. In what ways do you keep yourself entertained? youtube, netflix, surveys, reading. 4283. Entertainers (musicians, sports players) are the highest paid people in america. Why are we so obsessed with being entertained? it’s just part of society. 4284. Do you want a perfect body? i wish. 4285. Do you want a perfect soul? no. 4286. Which do you want more? body. 4287. Do you want people to notice when you're not around? huh? 4288. Are you more of a creep, a wierdo or special? none. 4289. Who wrote the bible? the disciples. 4290. Who wrote the book of love? what is the book of love? 4291. Who put the bomp in the bomp ba bomp ba bomp? idk. 4292. Who rocks the party that rocks the party? idk. 4293. If you could pick 5 things to study with no limits what 5 things would you pick? space, i.t., history, geography and science. 4294. Do you study any of them on your own? no. 4295. What's more important, learning or getting the hell out? learning. 4296. What is your favorite highlighter color? purple. 4297. Give everyone some advice: be the best version of yourself. 4298. Are you practically perfect in every way? no. 4299. Are you nasty and tricksy? no. 4300. Where is the precious? idk.