#oh yeah she said she didnt care if i starved to death one time

[sleepy-exe]

Shapeshifter AU - 6

Iwaizumi x f!reader

<< Part 5 | Part 7 >>

Summary: Mizuki and Y/n have a girls’ night after getting ditched by someone else again. Y/n wants to see Iwaizumi again. Sakusa is done with her shit. 

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: none

Genre: sfw (for now, 18+ regardless), shapeshifter au, strangers to lovers

a/n: Is Mizuki modeled after my own friend that I lovely dearly? Maybe.

Part 6: Girls’ Night

Soft lofi beats play softly in the background. Steam in the air gives the bathroom lights a glowing halo around each lightbulb. Bathtub filled with hot water, a thick layer of bubbles on top. Phone resting in one hand as Y/n relaxed in her bath, unwinding for the evening.

With a sigh, she sunk further into the tub, water splashing her chest. Another night that Mizuki’s plans were canceled. Another night Y/n would likely be the backup plan. Not that she minded being second choice. Mizuki is a major social butterfly, more than Y/n can handle on her own all of the time. So she welcomed not being the first choice every time.

She rested her head back and closed her eyes, hand with the phone hanging over the edge of the tub. Her friend’s night may need to be rescued, but it's not like it's an emergency or anything. She could take some time to enjoy her bubble bath first, right?

Sudden ringing jerked her from her relaxed state.

Or not..

Glancing at her phone she could see Mizuki was trying to video call her. With a groan she denied the call and sat up, quickly texting before her friend could call again.

>> To ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “not now in the bath”

>> From ‘My Best Bitch <3’: “so?”

Her phone started ringing again and with another groan Y/n shifted lower into the tub once more, fishing bubbles to her chest before answering the call. With a tap, Mizuki was now looking right at her through the screen. “Can’t a girl enjoy her bath?”

“Don't sound so grumpy! Anyway, like I was saying, A-“

Checking in the little box in the corner that displayed her own face, she made sure she was covered enough.

“Are you even listening? Ugh, you’re acting like I’ve never seen you naked before.” The aggravated woman snarled through her screen.

“Sorry, sorry! And yes, he’s at the gym with Sakusa tonight. I already knew that.”

“But our plans!” The video shook as Mizuki moved about.

“No, your plans, Mizu’. Girl, I love you to death, but making plans with someone’s gotta go both ways. He didn't even know about your plans before he planned to go with ‘Kusa, did he?” She spoke calm but sternly. “I can’t say that’s his fault, dove.”

Mizuki was frowning, “Sigh! I guess you’re right, okay? But I was really hoping we could have gone out tonight, but he’s too busy with Sakusa.” Her frown faded to curiosity. “Say.. Do you think there’s anything go-”

“Mizu’!”

“Yeah yeah. They just spend a lot of time together is all.”

“They’re friends, colleagues, and neighbors and only one of them has a car. Of course they're together a lot. Besides, you spend every day with someone and yet you’re single, right?  That doesn’t mean anything.” She slipped further into the bath, knees poking out of the water and popping some bubbles with her free hand.

“Unfortunately, I am single! Otherwise I’d be spending my time with my date!”

“Uh huh,” emotionless she brought her attention back to her friend.

“Anyway..” Mizuki squinted at her. “How’s your love life going, huh? Pretty sure you’re married to your work.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Have any cute guys or gals around.”

“Mizuki,” she whined.

“What? We can’t all four be lonely and starving for intimacy,” she sang, batting her eyelashes.

“I’m not sure that any of us could possibly be lonely as much as we are around each other,” she said dryly, earning a whine from her friend. “And as far as I know, you’re the only one searching for.. intimacy.”

“Uh huh. Didn’t you spend your time with someone like two nights ago? Or did you just forget to let Sakusa know when you got home.”

Y/n looked away from her phone as if she was messing with something off screen so Mizuki didn't see her blush.

I messaged ‘Kusa that morn-.

Oh. Right.

“Mhmm. So who is this guy that you left me all alone for in my time of need?”

“You weren't alone,” she eyed her friend.

“I may as well have been without my sweet, dear Y/n.”

She tapped the side of the tub in annoyance. “So are you coming over or not?”

“Duh, I’m on my way already. Have you even been paying attention? I’ll see you in five!” She flashed her hand to the screen displaying five fingers.

“What!” Y/n lurched forward.

She cackles loudly. “So much not seeing you naked.”

Covering her chest with her available arm, she stood and pulled her phone close to her face. Scowling at the realization, “Really, Mizuki?!”

Throwing on shorts and a baggy sweater just in time for Mizuki to bang on the front door, Y/n raced over and let her in. She quickly locks the door again before rushing back to her bedroom. “Come on, Mizu’.”

“Yeah, I’m coming.” She chased after Y/n after removing her shoes and coat.

Mizuki walked in the bedroom to find her friend laying across her bed. And of course she flopped down beside her. “Can we get takeout?”

“You just got here!”

She whined, “But Y/n! You don't want to go out and I was hoping to go out to eat!”

“Ugh, okay.” She rolled to her side. “You order the takeout and pick something to watch, okay?”

“Okay! I have the app for that yummy noodle place down the road.”

“Cool. I just hate calling places.” She rolled again, this time onto her stomach and locked a leg around one of Mizuki’s.

Mizuki laughed. “Girl, don't you call places for work?”

“Yeah, but that’s different.”

“I don't see how ordering food over the phone is worse than that.” She tossed her phone next to Y/n’s head. “Put what you want on there.”

She orders from that noodle place enough to enter her order in a few swift clicks. “Here.” She handed the phone back then unhooked her leg from Mizuki and crawled across the bed to get her own phone.

“Aight, it's in!”

There was a sudden blaring for all of two seconds. “Oh look, if it isn’t your bestie.” She brought the phone to her ear, “Hey, shithead.. What?”

At least she didn't put him on speaker. Together they were always so loud.

Unlocking her own phone, she opened her messages.

>> To ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’)’: “you ratted me out to MIZUKI??”

A text from Iwaizumi popped up before Sakusa had even read her message. So she went back and forth between the two chats to talk to each of them.

>> From ‘zumi’: “Oikawa is on the plane. Idk if you planned to still talk to him but there's a major time distance where he lives. Just a heads up.”

>> From ‘zumi’: “Sorry if he freaked you out earlier”

>> From ‘zumi’: “He can be loud”

>> From ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’)’: “Punishment for not letting me know that you didn't get murdered.”

>> To ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’)’: “I did text you yesterday!”

>> From ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’)’: “Not when you got home.”

>> To ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’)’: “I did forget.. But to be fair I wasn’t home until almost noon”

>> From ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’)’: “I’m sure Mizuki is asking plenty of questions and loving that.”

>> From ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’)’: “I just like to know you’re safe when you start check-in texts like that. It’s not like I care what you do.”

>> From ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’)’: “Well as long as you aren’t being careless on your runs again.”

Internally moaning, she looked over her shoulder. Mizuki was still on the phone walking laps around the room.

>> To ‘zumi’: “no no he’s great! And thanks for the heads up. Let me know when he's back safe?”

>> To ‘zumi’: “Sorry to run out i really did need to get going and i wanted to let you have time with Oikawa before he left”

Suddenly, Mizuki jumped onto the bed. “So anyway. What were we talking about?”

“Uhh.. I don’t know.” Y/n kicked at her playfully. “How long until the food is here?”

>> From ‘zumi’: “Will do”

>> To ‘zumi’: “maybe I’ll see you again”

Mizuki grabbed her legs to avoid getting hit. “It’ll be quick. Who ya texting?”

“Just Sakusa,” she lied.

>> To ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’): “So here’s the thing.”

>> To ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’): “I didnt get spotted or anything! I’ve learned my lesson”

>> To ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’): “That will never happen again!”

>> To ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’): “But the guy I met at the bar may have been the guy that might have spotted me that night I was with you.”

Mizuki moaned, “Why’d he steal my dinner buddy?”

She snorted. “Maybe you should ask him.”

>> From ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’): “Y/n what the hell”

>> To ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’): “It’s fine!”

She clapped. “Done. Maybe he’ll feel bad and let me go next time.”

“You? At the gym?” She laughed.

Mizuki threw a pillow which whacked the back of Y/n’s head and bounced to the floor. They both laughed. “Yeah, you’re right. I don't wanna work out or be around some stinky guys.” She got up and walked up to the window, picking up the pillow and tossing it back on the bed. “Man, I really need to move. My window just faces a parking garage. Boring!”

>> From ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’): “Is it?”

>> From ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’): “Is it still a ‘maybe’ seen you?”

>> To ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa): “I think it’s fine.”

“Girl, you have the money. When’s your lease up?”

>> From ‘zumi’: “Hopefully not by accident next time.”

Oh?

“Ugh! Not for like six more months,” Mizuki complained.

“Well, I can help keep an eye out for available units here. But why don’t you make a list of places you think you’d like.”

“Yeah, that sounds real fun.”

“Funner than waking up to the slight of a parking garage?”

“Oh you ass!” She balled up a shirt from the floor to chuck at Y/n, but a knock at the front door caught her attention. “Food is here! I’ll go get it.”

“Thank you, Mizu’.”

>> To ‘Emergency Contact (‘Kusa’): “It’s fine. I was just keeping an eye on him is all.”

>> From ‘zumi’: “Do you go to the park during daylight hours or is that strictly an after hours thing for you?”

“Hey girly!” Mizuki popped her head through the doorway. “I've got the goods and Netflix is ready. Come on!”

Y/n rolled out of bed. “Alright, alright. Let’s get this girls’ night started, yeah?”

>> To ‘zumi’: “depends..”

>> To ‘zumi’: “are you asking to go with me next time?”

Part 7>>

[macklives]

session 92 end (bye 413...)

this session was so long but so fucking hectic what the fuck

im going to try and slim it down to its bare essentials rather than go on a full rant because im pretty sure i want to make a post later on about vriska’s characterisation (not anything about me liking her/disliking her, just an analyse on her life really, so it wont be too bias because thats not the point of an analysis. i also want to do one on aradia, been meaning to for a while... hmm... damn i havent done much analogies lately, and i THINK the last long post on a character i made was about davesprite??? so its been a fucking while. that being said, ill leave a lot of details out for this end of session notes so i dont just repeat myself later on. rather will keep to plot points here and then make character points in another)

alright

first we had a page or two where aradia confided in nepeta about her being dead which means nepeta is the only one to know this revelation. im pretty sure aradia confided because there was no other way around it, since nepeta was her server player, so it was inevitable. either way, aradia still put her trust in nep, which means, if you think about it, nobody else knows and nobody else ever will. and considering aradia asked nep to keep it a secret, it probably wont get explored by others until MAYBE later on, whenever its plot relevant, so everyone will be in the dark about it for a while which ill have to remember for future dialogue and scenes with aradia in them

then we met vriska

which, yes, is a meme. i may not have been on a lot of fandom platforms, but you cant escape some of the stuff that goes around the internet. even if you dont know undertale, im pretty sure you know of sans. or komaeda if you have/havent seen danganronpa. its just.. the memes, ya know? ive heard from many sources of the “vriska did nothing wrong” quote (even through mbmbam which??? WHAT) but since i didnt even know what it meant, i never explored it so then i never knew it was a homestuck thing. imagine my surprise...... i think even at the time, i wouldnt have known what homestuck was either honestly so it wouldnt even matter. i only recently learned about the fandom.... uhh, maybe half a year ago??? yeah, august, so my knowledge was slim but vriska is a thing ive heard before, which still shocks me

goddammit

anyways back to her

so her intro was something, we pretty much found out she likes DnD (a FANATIC in fact) and feeds her lusus the flesh of living trolls. which is fucked up. but i wont get too much into detail about that until i make a post about her life on alternia and the consequences of such. or maybe just alternia in general...?? or *both* heheheh but i feel i need more information before i go off on a tangent about that

then we met??? white text dude?? who is a major asshole but an asshole with insults that hURted, to think i felt bad for VRISKA when that happened. woah.

i said before, but... karkat, he cant really hit deep because his insults are just HIM and his way to express himself. like some people find it natural to just go “FUCK YOU” to show emphasis on a point, and thats just karkats way. he may do it so aggressively that it takes you a second to realize what he said, but usually i dont take anything to heart whenever he spurts out some insults. ive progressed to the point where whatever he says, is just “karkat” and not him trying to be actively mean. rather, its now funny whenever he does say anything SOMEWHAT creative, dude has an imagination that goes on for miles

but vriska?? she IS trying to be a bully, you can tell. but i feel theres something much more to that. like shes trying to prove herself and her “blueblooded” demeanours or whatever the hierarchy is. she doesnt want to show emotions so she makes herself a barrier by being mean is what i can gather from her conversation with kanaya. im pretty sure youre not supposed to understand her until its pointed out and rather see her as an “antagonist” at first, but yeah, her insults are more pitiful than anything and i also cant take her too seriously. i may not like her as a person but her character is interesting because you cant always have the goodie two shoes as the protags. it doesnt diversify the characterisation so i like vriska as someone who makes the plot work and it becomes more interesting since you have someone that makes it harder for the main crew to progress. a happy-go-lucky adventure with no trouble and no turnabouts would be boring in a way. so having a character like vriska, or like this new white text guy, it makes you stop for a second and realize oh shit okay, here’s where shit CAN go wrong and WHY. and i do especially like it when these bastards of characters somehow have more depth than being the “bastard characters”. kinda humanizes them in a way. doesnt mean you have to LIKE them continuously, but theyre humans (trolls whatever) in the end and every person has their own story whether its for better or for worse

for example, i like her being placed into the story, along with white text, by how its all leading to this “accident” and is slowly showing us hints on what happened, but in the end, it wont be until later that we know the full story. even if it was in the past, it apparently is very vital to the plot and shapes how the characters act in the future, so important aspects like that are to look out for. and usually they only occur when theres been some trouble within friend dynamics. so without these bastard of characters, plot wouldnt grow AS strong and i often keep that in mind when i explore a story.

anyways, I HAD A POINT TO THIS: so vriska and karkat are characters who are yes, mean, but it seems to be their personality, and the way they either show emotions and convey feelings (karkat) or make a barrier so they DONT show emotions to produce vulnerability (vriska), white text guy seems to mostly be out to be an asshole. he told vriska she was useless to sum it up but im not too sure if this is one of those “first dialogue” to mould out a bias opinion before we even get to the character themselves, but judging by how vriska and karkat played out, he surely means something bad and i dont know how to explain it. but i cannot base anything off from one piece of dialogue. i dont even know what else to call him other than white text guy so...... ill just leave that out for now, until we finally get his introduction

though, i do wish to mention, and will expand on, im not wrong when i say karkat and vriska are similar but in different context. sorry if youre favourite is karkat and you dont like vriska, or vice versa, but uhhhh their introductions are so similar its uncanny and the way they’re portrayed is the same except one is more on crack about the meddling, while the other is angry about the meddling. similar to how it was with karkat, we were introduced to vriska talking with someone we knew (tavros) whom she obviously didnt like, so obviously, from her point of view, she wanted to be menacing. like how karkat was menacing to jade because she wouldnt listen to his point... he got angry, so he lashed out. but us, the readers, didnt know that. we thought “oh god its this asshole” until we made it further in the story and started to warm up to karkat. it may not be the same with vriska, she may be a bully regardless, but you cannot tell me we moulded a bias towards her character as we did when we first read karkat. theyre both truly mean to other people, maybe both for different reasons, but i do want to point out the similarities and not leave that out. im pretty sure andrew basically gave us a conversation that formed our opinion of a character right off the bat rather than go into depth of WHY they did it, and how they are naturally without the conditions of the game. which, you can also see with vriska when she conversed with kanaya. andrew started off with a character who only appears to speak once, and makes you judge them from first appearance alone, without any explanation as to why they said what they said and how they are with other characters, let says. so you assume they were simply a rude character. now look how karkat turned out. so im guessing in homestuck, the first impression should never be the opinion you stick with until MAYBE 5 more conversations with that character (each one different)

OKAY done with the vriska introduction, now to slutquius

yes, hes kinda weird, i have stated that many times. i have no idea what to say about him other than he likes porn, he likes centaur dick which just so happens to be his lusus as well and if that isnt a red flag idk what is

he also likes his lusus milk, right from the udders of his guardian

fun times, fun times

my opinion of equius kinda.. differs. which i should really put in place the “dont judge by first impression” rule, because at first i thought he was rude with, then i thought he was hhh okay, because i understood why he was being so protective over nepeta and her team placement, since the people she was going to play with WERE dangerous. but if you think about it, both sides will probably put you in danger. it just depends on which ones you confide in more to protect your back rather than those which would cause trouble on purpose, in my HONEST opinion. so equius was a little overdramatic on that part, but i got what he meant. he was on the blue team and he didnt want to leave nepeta alone without him on the red. but then this session happened. and he went back to being weird again because of the whole porn thing, especially being so open about it like dude chill youre 13. but the thing is, then i felt bad for him because hes basically touch starved. to say that he could break anything he touches, i doubt people would go up to him for hugs. in fear they would be crushed to death by a simple hug. so im guessing hes rather lonely and doesnt really know how to interact because of this. so i felt sad that he had to live a life where he needs to be careful of everything he touches so it doesnt break randomly. see? poor dude. but then things got weird. and im pretty sure hes a masochist. so my opinion on equius is a fucking cosine graph

which brings us to the final point:

gamzee and equius’ conversation

i dont even know.....like.........gamzee was unaware that equius was using him for his own power play roleplay, right? gamzee knew it was a roleplay but it had had some.. idk.... obvious sexual implications? and i bet gamzee didnt really know that? he thought they were only venting out through a simple roleplay and trying to get closer because he originally thought equius hated him, considering equius flat out said “i hate you” and gamzee went “you tell me everyday and im okay with that” so.. gamzee probably wanted only to get closer to equius so he helped out his little problem which.. thats so sweet but i feel bad he was coerced into something he didnt get, especially since he was innocent enough to go along without knowing equius’ true gain

anyways, equius was getting off with the hierarchy thing. considering he’s “lower” than gamzee, and gamzee is surprisingly ...high on the spectrum??? so equius wanted gamzee to boss him around, because it felt only natural to him since he’s the “inferior one” and gamzee is The Big Man. like i get that, but it was written in a way that was so uncomfortable, that i wish i didnt. equius is just a weird character... hes not BAD per say, but hes... hes something alright

but im really liking gamzee. the two things which struck me in that one conversation, was the “i dont get why we should dictate people by the colour of their blood, i just see people as people” piece of dialogue and “i cant go around pleasing just everything so its alright if you hate me”

thats... so good, idk. i really liked that. i also really liked when kanaya said “youre dangerous but dangerous people are needed and are important because it shapes you” like <33 my fucking heart

god homestuck may be a tad on the weird side with some of its characters but it surely knows how to create great lines of dialogue

and that concludes the long 4 hour session i did, hope you all enjoyed it

with that, i rest

[freebooter4ever]

my dad group texted my brother and i, highly unusual, and i think jordan was weirded out too cause his response was equally short and confused. on the list of things my little brother and i have never discussed, our dad’s relative interest or lack there of in our lives is pretty high. dad’s been messaging me since october, asking about stuff like where my next living plans are (which he has never done since i first moved out age eighteen), and i’ve only been vaguely responding to the point blank questions cause its just. so. weird. i think my grandpa’s death has shaken dad’s worldview a bit more than he’s been letting on.

he alienated my brother and i pretty much immediately after his secretive marriage to the bottle blonde rich bitch when i was 22. he kicked my brother out as soon as jordan turned 18, and when i discovered this by coming home one summer and seeing jordan wasnt in the house, i got so fucking mad that it was the first time i ever had a full out screaming match at my dad. and apparently this display of anger was when rich bitch decided she didn’t like me (probably valid, but also ironic because pretty much from birth it was known in my entire extended family that dad and i were almost identical personality wise, and both of us have tempers where we will not get mad at anything but frustration will build up and up until on the rare blue moon it boils over, and oh boy. watch out. those moments were the only times i was ever scared of my dad as a kid and i think it only happened twice in my entire life)(if she thinks im crazy when im angry, she should see my dad)

but i was crazy mad because while i was lucky enough to be put in therapy due to attempting to starve myself into non existence at age 13 (many many sessions of ‘family’ therapy with me in the center of a long couch silently trying to pretend i was invisible and my mom two feet away at one end and dad on the opposite end of the couch, and my mom doing all the talking, ranting and raving about how im starving myself to punish her. and then the therapist kicking both my parents out and trying to convince me to say a few words, and her finally getting me to realize that how my mom treated me was not normal and not something i needed to put up with if it made me sad and scared, and then the therapist realizing that i was still too sad and scared to confront it, and her and i coming up with a compromise where we would tell my mom that i was just ‘really attached’ to dad’s house and it wasnt that i was terrified of living with my mom or liked my dad better, it was that i just really liked living in one place instead of out of a suitcase and moving every week), and so had both the therapist and my dad supporting me when at fourteen i finally said enough was enough and demanded that my dad get full custody so i didnt have to spend every other week with my abusive mother anymore - while i got out of that situation, my brother didnt. i tried, he knew that it was my decision to live full time with dad and i made it clear he could do the same, but just as it was a given that i was identical to dad’s personality, my brother was identical to mom’s so i think he was more attached to her than i was. either way, he always refused and insisted on continuing to live between both of them. after i hit driving age, my dad transferred responsibility to me for shuttling my brother to and from my dad’s house to my mom’s apartment. dad’d lock himself in his room, or go to the gym, and i’d turn on an endless rotation of star wars movies for jordan and i to watch before i had to take him to his next week’s place (phantom menace was our favorite cause darth maul was just cool ok, dont judge).

anyway, the last day i ever stayed at my moms house, my brother was there. and i must have been twenty or twenty one because he would have only been around seventeen. but even at seventeen he was well over six foot five cause he got all the height in the family which was totally not fair but thats besides the point. so while i was there my mom flew into one of her alcohol induced rages, and took it all out on my brother. i had intellectually figured that all the anger my mom used to take out on me had then transferred to my brother once i stopped living there every other week, but up until that point i hadn’t actually seen it. she started shoving him, and punching him, and not enough so it would hurt much, because as i said he was well over six feet and she was barely five six, so he could pretty well block any thing she dished out. but he was cornered, and he looked scared. and i was hiding useless on the stairwell, crying, and begging mom to stop. and it only stopped cause jordan managed to slip out the front door and once he escaped mom went back into the kitchen, still yelling and angry. and i took the chance to grab my school bag and leave in solidarity. and my brother and i stood there awkwardly on the porch, me still crying, and him smoking and trying to look cool and not like he just got chased out of the apartment by a woman half his size. and i promised him we wouldnt go back until she calmed down, and that she was being unreasonable and he didnt deserve any of it, and id figure out somewhere to go. and we started walking down the sidewalk, but not together because we were never that close. he wandered off somewhere to smoke. and that’s as far as i remember.

this day came up in conversation with my grandma in the months after grandpa’s death, during one of our many three am can’t sleep conversations in grandma’s kitchen (grandma would wake up, i’d hear her get out of bed and wake up too. she’d make herself tea and eat some graham crackers and we’d sit together at the table feeling the third empty chair like an ache). grandma brought it up, because apparently, even though i cant remember this at all, i had my no/kia brick phone in my school bag (a minor miracle because i hated carrying around cell phones for the longest time), and i actually called grandma. and grandpa and her came to pick me up, and they found me sitting on a wall a block away from my mom’s apartment, and then we drove around till we found jordan, and then we all went back to my grandparent’s house. after bringing this up, grandma then, completely unprompted, told me something that child me thought about regularly - she said that even though her mom died when she was 8, leaving her to help raise her two younger siblings, grandma thought in some ways it was easier than what my brother and i went through with the divorce and my mom leaving. i used to regularly - not wish my mom dead, exactly - but wish i could pretend she was dead, rather than her just not being there anymore. especially since, when i was suddenly thrown into being her sole emotional and physical punching bag now that dad wasn’t filling the role anymore, a lot of the times being around her post divorce was not a good thing. (I cut off all contact with my mom finally at age 25 and haven’t looked back)

so yeah, i was fucking pissed that i had worked so hard to try to mitigate the damage i caused by leaving jordan alone with my mom for pretty much the entirety of my high school years...only to have my dad kick him out barely a few years after i left for college and thus putting my brother at my mom’s mercy. ostensibly my dad kicked my brother out because of his drug addictions, but my brother was the most mild mannered addict i’ve ever known. the worst thing he ever did was steal a couple hundred dollars from me, but he never got violent, he never got angry. other people got angry at him. my aunt once tried to fight him in a hospital elevator because he sold my cousin heroin or meth or some shit and my cousin ended up impaling a knife in his chest in front of my grandma, which is a whole nother story. but jordan was only nineteen when that happened. my cousin? thirty six. and a long time violent and angry drug addict with a record (he threw a book at his professor’s head and got kicked out of grad school while on cocaine once, which is how he ended up back in washington state and needing a new drug dealer - hence my brother suddenly getting involved) (same cousin later flew into a drug fueled rage in his forties and almost beat his girlfriend to death) (my brother was long since clean by then and had nothing to do with our cousin getting drugs at that point)

all this to say my dad’s rich bitch new wife didn’t think a drug addict and mentally ill artist fit into her picture perfect family, so dad started making it clear we were not welcome at family functions unless we complied with very strict rules. ironically, jordan was let back into the fold first partially because i can hold a grudge for a very long time and i was very very terrified of my mom and dad was the sane stable one and i had trusted him to take care of everything even without me there and dad had failed pretty spectacularly at that. im still bitter at my dad for his secret marriage and subsequent moving into her million dollar mansion and throwing my brother out. but also partially because jordan started following all of dad’s rules, got himself cleaned up (he moved in with his girlfriend, and i think being out of mom’s house had a lot to do with getting over his addictions), started studying computer science, found a really good software engineering job, suddenly dad approved of him. i also partially antagonized rich bitch wife by doing silly things like wearing black leather pants and the most provocative clothes i owned whenever i went over to their house. rich bitch was a very simple narrow minded person with a lot of prejudices. i imagine i was not seen as a good influence on her two younger daughters. and eventually they stopped seeing me altogether. even when i was living in washington for all of 2017 - the only time i ever saw dad was when he’d come visit my grandparents alone. the day before i took grandma on the train to move to ohio, we were supposed to all have dinner together at our family’s favorite place to eat out - crossroads mall - and the rich bitch refused to show up. that’s how petty she is. she also is so dumb she’s under the delusion that kids get into drugs if they don’t have dogs (????) so that’s why she forced my dad to get a dog for her spoiled brat youngest when the girl went into high school. my dad dislikes animals, so i will say one of the highlights of this marriage is seeing my dad become a dog person. the rich bitch and her daughters mostly ignore the dog, but my dad is so attached to max that he even lets the little puppy sit in his lap while driving. anyway, anyone who thinks dogs are the sole answer to preventing drug addictions can go to hell.

yeah, blah blah blah, to sum up its WEIRD for my dad to suddenly be texting my brother and i unprompted, and asking me about my life and my plans. i dont really know how to deal. i miss him. he was always the closest person in my life to the point where even when i moved away for college, i still assumed after i graduated i’d just move back in with dad so it was only four years being gone, cause why would i ever want to live anywhere else?. i kept thinking if i could hit some level of success that he would approve of, that maybe eventually i could become somebody his rich bitch wife would associate with. but that never happened, obviously. 

[nes-writing-paradise]

You Need A Break

AN: Hello! I’m getting so much inspiration recently! I have. An entire page in my notebook of ideas for different chapters! So here is the Minho chapter! So now Changbin, Jisung, Felix and Jeongin are left!

Plot: On the days following their elimination, Yena has been practicing non-stop. Deciding she is in need of a break, Minho drags Yena out of the practice room to spend a day in his hometown.

Yena and Minho sat in the very back of the quiet bus, the morning sun shining through the windows. Yena stared out of the window with headphones in her ears while Minho leaned back in his seat with his eyes closed. The bus was quiet due to it being so early in the morning so Minho had decided to use the time to take a nap. Yena, on the other hand, stared blankly at the cars passing outside, leaning her head against the cool glass of the window. A yawn escaped her lips as she picked up her phone, changing her music to something upbeat from the soft piano that was playing. The music would be enough to put her to sleep if she didn’t change it. She then closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the glass, ignoring the stuffness in her neck.

Minutes pass like this until Yena feels Minho shift in the seat beside her. She opened her eyes and looked over at him, watching as he blinked his eyes open. He reached into his pocket and took out his phone, Yena saw the screen flashing on his phone indicating that the alarm was going off. He let out a yawn and stretched his arms out in front of him, his face scrunching up as he did so. He then turned towards Yena, raising an eyebrow when he saw that she was already awake and looking back at him.

“Did you sleep at all?” He asked her. Yena shook her head in response.

“Nope. My neck is too stiff, so it was uncomfortable.” She replied and Minho chuckled.

“Thats what you get for sleeping on the practice room floor all night.” He comments and Yena nudges his side with her elbow.

“Shush.” She said jokingly. “I didn’t even mean to fall asleep. I literally just closed my eyes for a second and somehow ended asleep.” She defended, causing Minho to roll his eyes.

“And this is exactly why I’m dragging you away from the practice room today.” He stated. “You need to take a break to relax. You’ve been working youself to death lately, Genie.” Yena huffed.

“No I haven’t! I am perfectly fine.” She retorted. Minho raised his an eyebrow.

“Really? When was the last time you had a proper meal at a normal time?” He asked. Yena opened her mouth to answer but stopped to think. “And when was the last time you had more then three hours of sleep?” He continued when she didnt say anything. Yena sighed and looked away, knowing she couldn’t answer.

“I guess you’re right.” She replied.

“Thought so.” He said with a smirk. “So today, we are not going to worry about practice at all. We are going to spend the day exploring Gimpo and playing with my cats. Practicing can wait until we go back tomorrow!” He stated, causing Yena to chuckle. He bumps his shoulder against hers and smile at her.

“But first thing’s first. We need to get food because I am starving!” Yena says. Minho nods in agreement.

The bus slows to a stop a few minutes later at the place Minho and Yena needed to get off. The two of them threw on their jackets and shouldered their bags as they climbed off the bus and onto the pavement. Yena stopped in her tracks right as she got off the bus and took a deep breath of fresh air. Minho looked at her and chuckled, waiting for her to finish her little antics. She turned to face him and smiled as Minho made a point to dramatically roll his eyes. Yena went to stand right beside Minho and link their arms together.

“Come on! I’m hungry!” She excalimed and started pulling him in a random direction.

“Do you even know where you’re going, Genie?” Minho asked her with a chuckle making her stop in her tracks.

“I do not..” she replied. “But I’ll find my way to food eventually!” She said with determination.

Minho smirked. “With your record of getting lost? I doubt it.” He said causing Yena to huff. He used their linked arms to pull Yena in the opposite direction from where she was going. “Come on. There is a restaurant a few blocks away from here.”

They walked peacefully through the streets with their arms linked together. Minho led Yena down a couple of blocks until they reach a small restaurant.

They entered the restaurant and were immediately welcomed with by the smell of coffee and food. After they had ordered their food, they sat down in one of the small booth that was placed against the wall. Yena lets out a small yawn as she sits down in her seat and Minho chuckled.

“You really need to sleep more.” He said to her.

Yena sighed, “I know... but I need to practice”

Minho rolled his eyes. “How’s practice going anyway?” He asked her, changing the subject. He could lecture her about her health later, they had all day. “Did you come up with any new choreo ideas recently?”

Yena’s eyes lit up immediately. “Actually, yeah I have. I found a few songs that I could come up with some choreographies for and even came up with some ideas for them!” She said enthusiastically. Minho leans forward in his seat, resting his face on the palm of his hand.

“You need to show me when you finish. Your choreographies are always interesting.” He says.

Their conversation is briefly paused when a waiter comes by with their food and coffee. They both thank the waiter and instantly begin eating, enjoying the warm food.

“I might need your help with the choreos, actually.” She said between bites, earning Minho’s attention. He hummed in question, taking another bite of food. “Some of the songs are more suited for two people.” She explained with a shrug.

Minho nodded his head with a smirk. “I’m up for it. Partner dancing always ends up being really fun with the two of us.” He answered, laughing as he remembered the last time the two of them teamed up for a choreography. He took a sip of his coffee as Yena nodded.

“Oh I know!” She said. “And I have this one idea we could try...” Yena began talking passionately about the choreographies she had in mind, Minho interjecting with his own ideas as well. By the time they had finished their brainstorming session, the fod was all gone and the two of them were just nursing the last of their coffees.

They head out of the restaurant soon after they finish their meals, their stomachs full of delicious food. They aimlessly walked through the streets for a while, going into some stores as they walked. Suddenly, Yena gasped and grabbed Minho’s hand, tugging him towards one of the buildings.

“Min! Let’s go here!” She said with excitement. Minho looked at the building and laughed, letting himself be dragged toward the arcade.

“Okay, but just letting you know, I will take you down, Genie!” He said as they entered. He turned to her with a smirk, causing her to roll her eyes.

“Bring it on! I will destroy you in any game!” She answered. They ran into the arcade, going to the first two player arcade game they found.

“Yes!” Minho shouted, hours later, jumping up in victory. “Told you I would win!” He as Yena sulked behind him. They had played several games in the arcade over the past few hours going neck and neck until Minho they reached their last game. Minho managed to pull ahead right at the end of the game.

Yena scrunched up her nose at him. “You just got lucky.” She said, causing Minho to laugh.

“Sure, sure. Believe what you want.” He said with a smirk. “But we both know I won because of my amazing skills!” He said and bumped his shoulder against hers. She pouted as they made their way towards the exit. However, they stopped in their tracks when they reached the door and looked outside.

The sun had set not too long ago and thick, dark rain clouds covered the sky. The people walking on the streets all carried umbrellas as rain poured down from the clouds. Yena and Minho looked at eachother, thinking about what to do next.

“Do you wanna call a cab? Or should we just risk it and walk home?” Minho asked Yena. “My house is only a few blocks away.” He adds.

Yena smiled mischievously. “Let’s just walk. What’s a little rain gonna do?” She said. Minho shrugged his shoulders and chuckled.

They zipped up their jackets and adjusted their bags on their shoulders, bracing themselves for the rain. They then stood behind the doors leading outside and Minho grabbed Yena’s hand.

“Ready?” He asked her, earning a nod in return. “Alright, let’s go!” He said and pushed the door open, pulling Yena along with him as he exited the building. Yena let out a laugh as they broke into a sprint, getting soaked in the rain.

They ran through the streets, dodging people and laughing as they made their way to Minho’s house. Yena’s wet hair hit her face as she ran and her clothes were already soaked through but she was enjoying the feeling of the rain too much to care. Minho turned the corner and finally saw his building come into view. He ran faster, pulling Yena with him until they reached the entrance and pulled her inside.

Once inside the building, they stopped to catch their breaths. Minho looked at Yena and stifled a laugh when he saw her wet hair covering her face. Yena smiled and pushed her hair back away from her face, sticking her tongue out at him. He throws his arm around her shoulders and started leading her to the elevator.

“Come on! We need to dry off and I need to see Soonie and Doongie!” Minho said with amusement in his voice.

They made their way to Minho’s apartment, immediately taking off their soaking jackets when they stepped through the front door. As Minho was taking off his shoes, he heard Yena squeal which caused him to jump in surprise. He looked over to where Yena was standing, her shoes already off and a bright, excited smile on her face.

“Kitties!” Yena squealed as she found Minho’s cats sitting close to the door. Yena ran towards them but they both ran away from her. She pouted as Minho chuckled.

“Cats don’t seem to like me...” she said.

“They will. They will” he reassured her. “But we should dry off and change before trying to make you and the cats friends.” He said, drinning as he grabbed her arm. “Come on.” He lead her farther into the, currently, empty apartment. Minho’s parents were out for the day and wouldn’t be back until late at night.

Minho left Yena to change in the bathroom while he walked into his bedroom. He placed his things down in his room before picking some clothes to change into. After he was done, he walked out of the room and discovered that Yena was already done, seeing as the bathroom was empty. He looked around in confusion when he didnt see her before walking into the living room. He smiled at the sight in front of him.

Yena was sitting on the floor dressed in black sweatpants and a dark red hoodie, her long black hair tied black in a french braid going down her back. She was sitting cross-legged on the carpet, her hand held out towards Soonie and Doongie. Both of the cats cautiously approached Yena’s hand, examining her for a moment. Yena waited patiently for them, smiling brightly when they finally moved closer to her and nudged her hand with their heads.

“Looks like they’ve already taken a liking to you.” Minho said, walking over to where Yena sat. Yena smile up at him and pulled the cats into her lap, looking up at him.

“Hey Min! They are so cute!” She exclaimed, petting one of their heads, a childish spark gleaming in her eyes.

Minho nodded his head. “Yeah they are.” He said with a chuckle. He sat down on the floor in front of her, taking Soonie from her and placing it into his own lap.

Eventually, Yena and Minho stopped playing with the cats when they got hungry, and decided to make instant ramen for dinner. They sat on the couch in the living room, watching Harry Potter as they ate their dinner. Soonie and Doongie sat peacefully beside the two on them, climbing into their laps when they were done with their dinner. Yena leaned her head against Minho’s shoulder and glanced at the window, watching the heavy rain hit the glass.

“It’s really raining cats and dogs out there.” Yena stated. Minho nodded her head.

“Good thing we’re staying here for the night.” He said, throwing an arm around Yena’s shoulders.

Yena nodded her head. “Yeah, definitely.” She agreed. She snuggled closer to him and they both focused their attention back on the movie that was playig on the TV.

Goodness this was longer then I thought it would be! Hope you enjoyed! Lets see who is next!

Masterlist

[shiroe-is-my-baby]

Zombie AU - 2

Summary: A zombie outbreak struck the world over a year ago. Civilization is no more, and what’s left of it seems to be nonexistent. Ashley has to survive with her friends as long as it takes, going through more than just trials of survival, but relationships and trauma as well. In this chapter, the group has to help return home and assist with Shiroe’s injury. Since he’s too stubborn about the importance of heading home, hoping to make it in time to help save a friend in their time of sickness.

W: self-insert, fluff, eventual gore, zombies!

((Not a whole lot happens in this chapter. Just some clearing up of what happened near the end of last time and introducing more characters! Hope you’re enjoying it so far bc I definitely am!))

Part 1 | Part 2 |

“What the hell happened?!”

Noatsugu jogged towards us, his eyes wandering over the man that was draped over me and struggling to walk. I panted heavily, the adraneline in my veins slowly starting to dissipate. My heart still pounded in my chest but for a different reason now. Shiroe didn’t look so good, though he tried his best to tell me several times that he was okay. The man could barely walk, the injury on his leg a bit worse than I thought.

When I found him in the hallway, he had just managed to kill the creature that dragged him away. In the process, he must have cut himself on some glass. I tried to get him out of the building, wanting to get some light and hopefully bandage him up. There didn’t seem to be any more zombies to worry about, but I hoped we didn’t have to stick around any longer.

“We found the medicine, but were ambushed right before we left,” I said, motioning my head towards Shiroe, “He got grabbed and hurt his leg. I haven’t gotten a chance to look at it yet.”

“Well, put him down. We need to get it cleaned.”

“No, I’m… I’m fine. We need to make it back before sundown.”

“Shiroe you are in no position to walk,” I said, sternly, “We can’t afford to wait.”

His eyebrows furrowed, and he continued to shake his head. This was not the time for him to be stubborn like this. Not after the injury he had. We still had quiet a distance to walk, and he could barely move.

“I said I’m fine. We need to save the supplies. I’m not going to let us come all this way for nothing,” He said.

“At least let us wrap it to slow the bleeding.”

“Yeah. We can’t have you passing out on us.”

“Okay, yeah.”

His voice faded, unable to say anything else. Naotsugu helped me set Shiroe down on the ground, having Akatsuki keep watch while we bandaged him up. I shifted hair from his face, feeling the sweat that dropped from it. The sunlight helped me get a better look at him, seeing his flushed cheeks. If I would have been more careful this wouldn’t have happened. He wouldn’t have gotten hurt. He almost died because of me.

Because I was careless.

Shiroe squeezed my hand, disconnecting me from my thoughts. My eyes met his, a soft smile forming on my lips. “Don’t worry about me. I’m gonna be okay. It wasn’t your fault,” He said, almost as if he was reading my mind. Pursing my lips, I gave his hand another firm squeeze.

“I still should have been more careful.”

“It’s nothing you could have avoided. Don’t beat yourself up about it. We’re both fine.”

I nodded, bringing his hand up to my lips to kiss. Shiroe was right, but it still didn’t shake the feeling of regret I had. I didnt know what I would have done if something would have happened to him. If he would’ve gotten bit. The thought caused a shudder to crawl up my spine. I didn’t want to ever have to imagine that. A life without Shiroe is practically pointless.

Naotsugu finished bandaging him up, dusting off his hands. “That’ll have to do for now. But you gotta let one of the girls look at it when we get back. It’ll get infected otherwise,” He said. Shiroe nodded, pushing up off the ground the best that he could. I helped him up, giving him a kiss on the cheek once he was steady on his feet.

Akatsuki trotted over, punching his arm. “That’s for being stubborn,” She mumbled, a small smirk curling onto her lips.

“I guess I deserved that.”

“Okay, as much as I’d love to see Shiroe get scolded, we have to get going. It’ll be dark soon.”

“Ashley’s right,” Shiroe said, “Were not sure how much more time we have left.”

“Alright, well then let’s head out. I’m starving.”

The three of us chuckled at Naotsugu’s words, following behind him in the direction towards camp. I stayed in the back with Shiroe, helping him when he needed it. He insisted that he could walk on his own, but eventually had to lean on me a bit for support. Sometimes I wished he wouldn’t be this stubborn. He was bleeding. But I knew he was just worried about making it back in time.

The journey was shorter than on the way, mainly nexause we didn’t have to make many stops. Thanks to akatsuki’s flashlight, we were able to see once it became darker outside. We stayed close to each other, only stopping to give Shiroe a few breaks. My only worry was that we make it back before we have yet another accident.

We returned to camp without any more injuries. The abandoned warehouse could almost be overlooked in he darkeness, the several amounts of towering trees covering it and the gate surrounding it. We were surprised that we were able to find it, and it’s been our base for the pst few days. Although, we don’t plan to stay for too much longer.

There were rumors of raiders nearby, and these raiders were very terrifying. They were the same group that we heard had been kidnapping and killing children. Since we have three children in our group, it’s best that we steer clear of them. It didn’t make sense to me that people would harm kids, but now a days it doesn’t surprise me. People will do anything now that the world is basically a wasteland.

Anything to make them feel alive. To feel whole. If only for a second.

“Oh my gosh! You guys are back!”

Marielle bolted over the threshold, throwing her arms around Naotsugu. The impact caused him to stumble a bit, laughing as he squeezed his arms around her. Hearing her voice was like music to my ears. I missed her excitement, and itnhelped brighten my mood a bit.

“It’s so good to see you. I was so worried!” She switched to hug me, her eyes falling onto Shiroe. She gasped, widening her eyes in surprise.

“Shiroe? Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. Just had a… little accident.”

Marielle huffed, helping me set him down on one of the benches in the middle of the room. Akatsuki shut the door behind us, clicking the deadbolt and heading off to find Henrietta. “Let’s take a look at it. Did you find the medicine?” She asked. Shiroe nodded, wincing as she pushed up his pant leg to reveal the wound.

It was bleeding through the bandages, but didn’t look as bad as it did earlier. Naotsugu and I watched her unwrap the bandage, seeing the rather deep cut. “You cut yourself pretty good, Shiroe. Where’s the medicine? I’ll clean it up and have you better in no time,” She said with a soft smile. I opened up my backpack, handing her the first aid kit. We already put everything we found into it, but I could see the hesitation on Shiroe’s face.

“Don’t worry. We’ll still have some left over.”

“How is Minori doing? Is she feeling any better?” I asked.

Marielle sighed, her smile slowly disappearing. She opened up the kit, gently using the peroxide on his wound. Shiroe winced a bit, slowly relaxing in his seat. His eyes were more focused on her, wanting to hear the news more than he cared about his own wound.

Minori, one of the younger girls in our group, had gotten sick a couple days ago. Each day that passes seems to be worse than the last, and some think that she’s on the verge of death. We’re still not exactly sure what’s wrong, but we needed to do what we could to help. Her brother, Tohya, hasn’t left her side since she had gotten ill. I’m not sure what’ll happen if she passes. He’s a strong kid, but sometimes he can be a little over his head. I worry that he’ll do something stupid if something happens to his sister.

“She’s still really sick. I can barely get her to eat or drink anything. I’m so worried,” Marielle said, her voice cracking a bit.

“Well, we have the medicine. I’m sure it’ll help,” I said, “Minori’s a strong girl. She’s a fighter. She won’t go down without fight.”

“I sure hope so. I’d hate for something to happen. Losing her would… devastate me.”

“It’d devastate all of us.”

She nodded, reaching for the gauze in the kit. Shiroe’s eyes found mine, giving me a gentle nod. Like a silent thank you. Everyone was worried for Minori. That was the reason Shiroe could barely function today. Sometimes I feel like he’s even more worried than the rest of us. After all, were all family at this point. We’ve been trough so much together. We’ve survived together. To lose one of our own is a scary thought.

Marielle finished up with Shiroe’s wound just as Henrietta came barreling into the room. At first she looked disheveled, slowly pulling herself together when she saw we were all safe. With a gentle sigh, she stepped forward and adjusted the glasses into her face.

“I’m so glad you all are alright,” She said, “Akatsuki told me what happened.”

“It was a deep cut, but I was able to clean it up. Shiroe’s really lucky Ashley was there.”

“Yeah… I was.”

Shiroe smiled in my direction, but I could only smile feebly back. I didn’t think he was lucky to have me. I felt at fault for the entire thing. But I said nothing as our friends quickly gave us a gentle greeting. Marielle offered to give us something to eat, but I wanted to see Minori as soon as possible. Naotsugu didn’t pass up the opportunity to have his meal, offering to bring some to Shiroe.

He was instructed to sit and let his wound breathe for a bit. That wasn’t something he wanted to do, but Marielle was very strict with her orders. It was hard to make Shiroe stay still, but he’s very attentive when it’s for his health. Besides, he knew better than to argue with Marielle.

She and I followed the hallway down to the bedrooms where Minori was. I could hear the gentle conversation of a few more of our group members, the melody sounding just like home. It was a much needed sound for me after the day that I had. My anxiety had started to calm now that we were all safe and sound for the time being. I just hoped that Minori was going to be okay. That was my only concern now.

[rosekun25]

Fourteen Reasons why.

 April 9th, 2017

Dear Tumblr Diary, 

I’m watching “Thirteen Reasons Why.” 

I haven’t read the books since middle school. But my cousin from my Dad’s side of the family sent me the book I think a year ago.  Life always has a way of foreshadowing. I swear it does.

Anyway I’m reading the book too, putting off getting my food handler’s card because fuck that shit. 

Anyway Im watching this and its kind of triggering. I havent watched the part where she kills herself but I imagine I’ve seen worse. 

There’s a video I’ve seen Here’s a link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_PdYb0EL-Y

Anyway so far that part has hit me the most. 

I mean, It has. After I got out of the hospital nobody asked me if I was okay. I had to lie. I lied about everything so I wouldnt get sent away longer than they needed me to be away. 

I lied and said It was because I missed my great grandma instead of telling them it was because my world had shattered and nobody could hurt me anymore. 

I lied about the pills. I took 96. Well thats now many were in the bottle. I told them I didnt know how many I’d taken. I just lied lied lied lied lied. I didnt tell anybody why I did it. 

aTLEAST Until they couldnt send me away anymore. 

So here are fourteen reasons why I wanted to kill myself 

14. I felt like I’d do it sooner or later. 

I mean it was really weird. I’ve had depression for most of my earlier childhood. I remember not thinking I’d make it to 20. But here I am. I remember wanting to get married and have children but I didn’t actually think I would live long enough to actually do it. I mean I didn’t think I’d finish High School. 

13. I wasn’t beautiful. 

At least I didn’t think I was. I thought pretty girls were 100 pounds, blonde and didn’t have to worry about anything except which husband they wanted.  I guess I was sort of insecure. But not in the sense that I thought I was ugly. Just in the sense that I wasnt  beautiful. 

12. I was starving myself.

Well I don’t really remember this part. I just remember I was really really hungry. The doctors there said I hadn’t eaten for a month. But Im not sure that’s accurate. I mean I must have eaten at some point. I remember I drank tea.  But anyway. I guess i was displaying “Anorexic tenancies” or whatever I was half asleep I didn’t listen.

11. I wanted to die. (duh)

But it wasn’t in the sense of me actually wanting to die.  I mean when you’re young you learn about the circle of life, you watch ‘Lion King.’ Mufasa dies and you learn you wont be around for ever. I guess I just ’ wanted to hurry up and do what I was supposed to. 

10. At the time, my life sucked dick. 

I remember it. I was horribly depressed and doing my best to hide it. I remember I wanted nothing more than to just be held like a baby and told everything was going to be alright. But it wasn’t. There was a point in my life where I kept everything to myself. Everything. Even stupid shit like “Where do you want to eat?” or “Are you hungry?”. I just felt like I had to. Keep everyone safe, dont let anybody know you’re suffering sort of thing. 

Anyway my life sucked dick, because I was always hungry never sleeping and I was overworked. I also was verbally abused at my job. To the point where I would want to cry whenever I walked in the store. But more on that some other time. 

I also hated T or  C. If Im going back there. Im going back in a body bag. 

My Home life also sucked dick. I remember not having hotwater in the bathroom. I remember being cold every night because they refused to pay more money to turn up the thermostat. If I wasnt cold. I was so Hot. There were ants everywhere. On my clothes. In the kitchen. EVERYWHERE. I wasnt allowed to leave my house either. I couldnt just get up and go I wasnt allowed to leave except for school and work. I couldnt leave and it drove me fucking mad.  I didnt have much food to eat, If there was food it was all gobbled up by my fat ass Grandfather who liked to steal my things. I still dont know what he did with most of it. The dryer didnt work either so I’d have to go to school in wet clothes that were freezing. I hated it. Oh and not to mention every morning I’d wake up to screaming. Always screaming. Nobody could ever say “Good Morning Rose, you’ve to wake up now.” No. They were too busy screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming, 

9. I was so tired of everything. 

I was. Really. I still kind of am. Im tired of having to work all the time and having no money. I was tired of waking up every day and going to a school. I feel like I would have liked school better if I didnt have to wake up early and put up with all of that bullshit. 

The bullshit I am tired of here has literally went from 95% to maybe about 15%  Professors are honest with me, My coworkers all do their jobs and I dont get in trouble if they don’t. Really Imagine, getting in trouble because one of your coworkers didnt do their job right. 

The only bullshit I have to deal with is making sure I have enough hours. Which if you ask me isnt a biggie, also I make enough to take care of myself. Which is a lot better than where I was before. 

8. I was going insane. 

Now I know what you’re thinking “Omg, yeah sure whatever Rose. Everybody on Facebook likes to pretend they’re crazy for attention, Change your picture to Joker and Harley just to add edginess. 

But no. It was stuff I dont want to dicuss with you. I had horrible dreams and I wanted to do some horrible things. In a way, I honestly thought if I killed myself I would save everyone.  I still dont remember what I wanted to save them from. 

7. I didnt have any friends. 

Now again I know what you’re thinking, “This bitch is tripping. She won Homecoming Duchess and Princess at the last dance!” (  Side Note: I also went on to win Prom Queen. But Everybody voted for me because I wasn’t allowed to run for homecoming queen because I tried to kill myself in the Bathroom.) 

I didnt have a Best friend. I didnt have somebody who hung out with me or came to my house specifically to play with me. I worked too much or somebody who ate lunch with me because they wanted to and not because I’d integrated into their little group because one of the members felt sorry for me and wanted to be my friend again. 

I knew a lot of people. But I was fiery, Passionate and emotional. People were afraid of that. Either that, or they didnt care enough to try and understand it. 

6. I was suffering from an unDiagnosed Mental illness 

It was Borderline Personality Disorder.  It was making me crazy. 

I still dont understand what it means. 

I know it means. 

But I dont understand it. 

5. I missed my Daddy. 

There. I said it. I FUCKING SAID IT. 

In my family, I was supposed to pretend he didnt exist. We all were. We didnt have Dads. We were just born. You know i didnt accept my Step Dad until My Dad stopped coming to see me. But what does that matter? I mean I wasNT  A BOY. HE DIDNT FUCKING WANT A GIRL. HE PROBABLY HAS 80 BILLION FUCKING DAUGHTERS! HE DOESNT NEED ANOTHER ONE!!!!!!!!!

But how am I going to forget the man who hated it when I cried? The man who bought me all of these presents because he knew he was never going to see me ever again. The man who bought me my first Barbie Car, my Hamtaro doll and my pretty Amethyst Birth Stone Barbie. All because he fucking knew he was never going to see me again. 

I havent seen him since I was two.  But I remember waking up in my hospital bed with Leslie telling him he had to talk to me because the doctors said they didnt know if I’d make it. I heard my auntie tell him in spanish and then he said “I dont talk to anyone who isnt blood.” and I wished I would have died again and again and again. 

4. I wasnt afraid to die. 

I mean honestly who is? Im Catholic now. I understand its the circle of life. Ive seen Lion King. But I honestly wasnt afraid to die. 

Here’s my philosphy on Religion and Death and everything 

If you’re a buddist and you die. You go do Buddist stuff. Buddist heaven, Buddist Hell. 

If you’re Jewish and you die. You go to Jewish Heaven because there isnt a hell. 

I know in church they tell you not to believe in other gods. But God mentions in the Holy Bible several times. So Meh. 

But I wasnt afraid to die. Im pretty sure my life had been clean and the only sins I really had were Hating my parents and Premarital sex. God wouldnt send me to hell for that. So I thought I’d go to heaven and party with Kurt Cobain

Because when a kid with Cancer dies, God doesnt send them to hell for dying of Cancer. So why would he send me to hell for succumbing to my depression? 

I mean atleast even if He was the God I think he is. 

3. By this point I was honestly sure nobody cared. 

The English teacher who carried me to the ambulance cared. I’m sure of that. 

But I mean nobody cared. I remember coming home to no food in the refrigerator and thinking “Oh well they’re making it easier for me now.” I remember nobody ever asking how I was.  I remember feeling numb I remember waking up that morning and deciding I was going to give life one last Chance. I’d missed the bus that morning and I had to call my  Grandmère to give me a ride to school because My Mother wouldnt teach me how to drive because she didnt want me to run off with my boyfriend and be happy. 

Because I guess bragging rights about your kids going to college are more important than your kids actually being happy. I’ll remember that when I have kids. If I live to have kids at least. 

Anyway I remember forgetting to take the pills out of my backpack. Im sure there’s an alternate universe somewhere where I did take them out of my backpack and I just went home early that day instead of killing myself in the bathroom. But hey what about the alternate universe where Hitler cured Cancer?

Nobody cared. Thats the point. Obviously if nobody noticed I was starving myself. If nobody noticed any of the signs that I displayed. 

But of course they all showed up to the hospital and cried crocodile tears. Then they yelled at me again as soon as I woke up. 

2. My life was over. 

“But you were accepted into NMSU! You were graduating Highschool! You had your whole life ahead of you!!!”

Did anybody ever think for just a second that I didnt want any of that? Honestly! Everybody was so proud. Nobody stopped and asked me if thats what I wanted to do. Because it sure as hell wasnt. I didnt want to go to college. Twelve fucking years of a system that made me kill myself in the Bathroom and you wanted me to do  eight more years?!  I wanted to get married and have babies. But I had to. You understand. I had to. I couldnt be like my sister. I couldnt stay in Highschool forever. I had to go to school because Men are useless now and I couldnt just get married out of highschool because as soon as they leave you’re going to need to take care of yourself! But I didnt want that. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have kids. 

1. Chance left.

Honestly this was it. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I could see it coming though. Yeah, I made fake accounts to try and talk to him. Yeah I was a thirsty hoe (Symptom of BPD btw). Yeah I kind of texted him until right before I did it. I mean I was 18 of course I was obsessed. He cared. He would kiss me goodnight, He would try to get me to eat but I never would. I wanted to be pretty for him. I wanted him to love me. He did for a moment. You know love is like a drug, A drug that makes you happy every day of your life. Even if all you do is fight. Maybe its because I’d never loved anybody before him. Not even my Mother.  When I lost that happy bubbly warmth. I wanted it back. I was so desperate to get it back. I didnt notice. I didnt notice all the terrible things that happened. I looked over all of the mean words, and abusive flags. None of those mattered, as long as I got that feeling of being warm, loved, safe, and protected. Because it made me want to live. If I couldnt live. I wanted to die. I wanted to die and be with that feeling forever. 

Maybe things would have changed if I had realize what a fucking scum bag he was earlier. 

Am I still Suicidal? Yes.

You cant turn it on/off contrary to the belief of everyone around me. I’ve been suicidal since I was a little girl. But will I do it again? I cant promise I wont.  

 Fourteen Reasons why  I want to live. 

14. I’m happy now. 

I dont know if I could consider this as happy as I want to be, I mean Im still single. I have no children. But I’m happy. I dont have all the money in the world but I can go get Starbucks. I can go out and eat If I want to and that makes me so happy. It makes me so happy to have access to food. 

13. I love my apartment. 

I love my apartment. I love everything about it. I do. Except the rent payment lol. I love that I can literally do whatever I want in this little one bedroom place. I love it. I love keeping it clean, I love putting up whatever I want on the walls and I love love love it so much. Im so warm and happy and there is always food here. 

12. I love where I live. 

I love my town. Its big, its bright and i can get whatever I need to. I can go to walmart again whenever I want and I dont have to beg anybody to take me through the drive through or pay anybody to take me to the mall. I can go see movies and see the world. I love the world. I love the grass and the trees and the warmth of the sun. I can sit on my porch for hours, I can watch the rain, I can go outside. I CAN GO OUTSIDE!!!! 

11. I love being free. My freedom is my most precious possession, I don't want to die if I can be free. 

 10. I don't want to die until I find that person. My whole life I've been told There's a soul mate for everyone. When I think about suicide. I think about being dead, in a way, Death was freedom for me. But part of me doesn't want to leave that person alone. I can't. If He was made for me . Then he's like ME and if he is then I don't want to leave him alone. 

9. I have food. 

I know what you’re thinking “Whatever, I have a frozen Dinner in the fridge. Does that make me not suicidal?”

I have food to eat. Like I do. I dont have to scrounge around my house for a packet of Ramen or hiding a can of soup under my bed and praying it would be there when I woke up. I can wake up and eat whatever I want. I can make dinner and sometimes I just stare at all of the food in my refrigerator and smile. 

Side note, It’s now May 12th, school is over. Im trying really hard to finish this. It’s triggering. Like, Hannah Baker, Everything she does. I can see myself in her.  I could deal with the books. I could deal with the books because I had borrowed my friend’s book and typed the alternate ending and stuck it in my book. I visualized it in my own way. Now seeing it. It’s triggering. Did anybody notice? Did anybody try to? 

What about when I did it? Did anybody think? Did anybody try and look after me. I mean nobody noticed me stop eating so I doubt anybody noticed me writing wills in my psychology class, or me writing my suicide note over and over again. 

The final draft only had a few words by the way and nobody read it. 

They didnt even read the instructions I left for them incase I survived and had to go to the hospital which is why I had to wear the same clothes I wore when i did it. Which absolutely sucked. But i was glad I was getting out of the mental hospital, so there’s that. 

I still dont understand why shit like this cant happen in real life. I dont understand how people can make people suffer so much emotionally that they think suicide is the only answer.

This is really hard to write. I have to think of reasons I want to live instead of reasons I want to die. That’s hard. I want to die. Im so sick of this. But I dont want to die. I want to live.  

In a sense, I really feel like Hannah Baker. Because She wanted to live, she wanted life and happiness but she just dies at the end. I wonder if that will happen to me? 

I’ve had people ask me if Im sure I should even be watching a show like this. But I have to. I have to finish it. 

I read the book I know what happens. But I have to finish it for myself. 

8. Kingdom Hearts III will come out (Eventually) 

I have found joy in video games once again. I mean. Ive always loved video games. But I was playing South Park Stick of Truth again and I liked it. I liked it a lot and I wanted to... I wanted to play it so much. 

I’m sure they have video games in heaven but i wonder do they have midnight release parties? Do they have endings that arent perfect?  

Im sure they do. But being alive for them is different. 

Eventually though. Kingdom Hearts III will come out. Eventually.  Ill get to play it. Maybe Ill get to play it with my grandchildren and teach them about Sora, and Kairi, and Riku. 

7. I want to be a Mother. 

Thats all I’ve ever wanted in life. Really. I just want to hold my baby and raise her/him. I dont want them to have to come home and wonder if there’s food to eat, or if the house is going to be warm or when Mom is going to come home.

I want to have children and teach them and give them love and warmth and make them safe and give them everything I never had in life.  Like love, and chances. Chances to make something of themselves in a way I never could. 

6. I want to live to be an annual passholder at Disney 

I mean I’ve been to Disneyland Nineteen times and this summer it will be 20.  But I want to be able to wake up one day, have the day off from work and ask my kids if they want to go to Disneyland instead of school. I want to go there and have a great time and not have to worry about school or work or depression or anything.

5. I really want to do my bucket list. 

I mean there’s lots of cool stuff on it. But I’m sure they have most of that in heaven. But  I want to do it before I die. Like I want to visit Euro Disney in person and hang out in France. I want to walk up and realize I’m going to see the Little Mermaid on Broadway tonight. I want to be able to tell everybody about what I’ve done and inspire them to do the same thing.

(Update: It’s June now. I have to finish it. I had to stop. It was getting bad again. Really bad. I’m ready now. I really am.)

4. I want to get married.

Honestly thats been my life goal since I was a baby. That and being a ballerina but appertanly my dreams dont matter enough for us to stay in a place I could actually achieve them. I want to have a big fancy wedding which will probably dumb down to me getting married at the court house which I am totally fine with. As long as I am officially married and we honeymoon at Disney. 

Jesus Chirst I cant do this. I really cant. I fucking cant. . .  Why? WHY am I here? Why did I live? It’s fucking impossible did you know that? Am I still alive? Am I dead? I wont fucking know! I’m so much happier now! I really am. But I cant do this. I fucking cant. Why? Why am I alive? Why did I live? SO I could pay bills for the rest of my life? I hate being broke. I hate not having any money. I spent 20 dollars today to go out to lunch and that was a luxury. I couldnt afford that. Especially with all these bills. Why? Why is it so expensive to live in a 3rd world country with Iphones? Why? I dont have a car I have to ride the bus everywhere and spend a billion dollars on fucking everything. WHY? Why? I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate having to be mad at myself for going to the mall and spening 11 dollars. ELEVEN FUCKING DOLLARS! I bought a keychain today. I bought a keychain today and I wasnt supposed to do that!  I love my apartment, I love it, I wont leave it unless I’m in a body bag or leaving with my husband, But i dont understand WHY?! Why? Why do they want everything I have? Everybody just wants money. Everything is just money money money money, do I Have enough? WIll it last? Will I be able to do something with it? Why do you want all of my money? I can barley afford to live and everybody wants to make it fucking harder than it already is!!!!!!!!!! I cant do this. I really want to die. But i really want to live. I really want to live. But i cant live. 

3. I want friends. . .

I want best friends. I want the kind of friends where you all can just hang out together and do stupid shit. I want inside joke kind of friends, I want the sort of friends that make fun of you but you know they dont mean it. I want a specific place for us to hang out and laugh and live. 

2. I want to be infinite. 

I dont mean immortal. I mean I want to do things. I want freedom. People have freedom given to them while others have to fight for it. I want to take a roadtrip. I want to eat at gas stations with somebody and travel and see the world. I’ve always wanted to see the world but i’ve been locked up in this FUCKING TOWER for so long and now i’m afraid to get out of it. I am afraid to live because I’ve never been able to live before! Why are people born free when I could not leave my house to get the mail? 

1. I want to experience love. 

I have never loved anybody. For a moment, I thought I loved Chance. But I realized, you cant love somebody who has never loved you. So i didnt love my Mother, or My sisters and brothers or my grandparents. That wasnt love. It was forced affection. Because when you love somebody you make sure they’re in the car before driving away and asking if they are. If you love someone you dont kick them out of your car. If you love somebody you offer to take them home instead of letting them sit in 32 degrees watching their spit freeze, while you let your family treat them like shit just like you did. 

But I want to experience love. All kinds of love. I want to know why people like it so much and why the feeling is so euphoric. I want to be held and treated like I am a treasure. Like I am worth something. 

Is that love? I will find out one day. I want this. Even if its the only thing I will have. I want it. 

~

I’m on the second to last episode now, 

I wonder if the author wanted us to feel bad for people we’ve slut shamed.  I wonder if we’re supposed to think about it that way. 

I dont know about you but I hate fake people who pretend they’ve killed themselves.  I mean I know its a cry for help. But I wish they would go and talk to somebody instead of insisting they sliced their wrists 80 times and got sent to the ER even though their wrists are scarless and havent look liked they were cut ever. 

My therapist once sent me to the ER because I told her I was feeling suicidial. 

I thought that was utter bullshit. 

Because all I had learned to do was lie. 

Why are you suicidal honey? *Sniff* My greAT Gran died and I miss her so much and I wish I could talk to her and hug her. Oh baby it’s gonna be okay, Derek she’s not suicidal get her out of here. 

See? Then at my next therapy session I had to lie to her and tell her I wasnt suicidal. Which was another lie. 

Anybody who has ever asked me about my Great Grandma Elisa knows I hated going to her house and I didnt like her. I’ve never liked her. She was so mean to me. She really was. 

But i cant say I cried crocodile tears at her funeral. Or when They woke me up and told me she wasnt breathing and I knew she was dead, and I cried in my sleep. Something I didnt do, and didnt start doing until it was getting really bad again. 

Isnt that funny though? How i learned to just lie to everybody instead of telling the truth? 

~

I’m on the last episode now. 

I cant make you believe how many times I had to stop this and step away for a moment. 

It was honestly too realistic. 

Like just the things she said 

“I decided to give life one more chance.” 

I remember thinking the exact same thing. 

and watching it blow it. 

Thats always how my emotions have been. 

Hannah is stealing razors now.

I remember the day I bought the sleeping pills specifically to kill myself.

I didnt tell my Mom that. I told her I was having trouble sleeping which was true. 

I remember telling kids I thought I was taking too much.

I remember pouring handfuls into my own hand and just staring at them. I thought they were really pretty.  

I remember sleeping in class because I’d take too many on purpose. 

I remember hanging up on 911 

I remember calling my ex boyfriend. 

I wondered what would happen if he would have answered. I really do. 

Probably nothing, 

I still would have done it. 

I remember swallowing handful after handful. 

I remember being carried to the office and hearing your voice in my head. 

I remember dying and being at peace.

I remember waking up and screaming and crying.

Because honestly. Suicide doesnt hurt. No. aside from me not being able to eat for a couple weeks without throwing up, or choking up tablets everytime I tried to take a pill. 

What hurt was waiting. I waited for life to get better. 

It didn’t.  

Hannah baker is going to slit her wrists,

I’m mad. This isnt the way it happened in the books. She swallowed pills.

ItsnotrealRosemaryitsnotrealItsnotevenhowithappendinthebooks

This is triggering. 

I reserve the right to skip this part.

I cant breathe. 

Okay, Okay. 

I dont fucking get why people say this show glorifies suicide. We are literally watching a girl die. The worst part is this is how actual people have done it. Oh my god. Oh my god there’s so much blood. 

Her parents, Oh my god. Okay that was so fake.

American Horror story did a better job. 

Which is probably why it kept me from killing myself. I watched Violet do it and it scared me. It scared me so I didnt do it. 

You know when I first read the books I guess I was really confused because I thought Mr Porter raped Hannah. I was like in 8th grade. 

Okay so Hannah Baker is still dead. The episode is over. 

How are they going to do season 2? 

I mean Tyler is Obviously going to shoot up the school and Alex tried to off himself. It’s Obvious Alex isnt going to die.  It’s Obvious Tyler isnt going to kill him. 

~

I liked watching this. 

I mean aside from it taking me two months to finish because,  well it kind of was triggering.

Side note:

I am not contemplating suicide please do not message me or call the cops. 

Also for anybody who is. 

National Suicide Prevention LifelineCall 

1-800-273-8255

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

alright... here we go. we’re starting the big one. this... thing is almost over.

we’re going back to........ kooraheen to finish this.

time to strap in for the long haul.

-

did Dhurke hijack the PP show or was he just watching it and he decided to make that speech at his TV

i honestly can’t tell because of the weird way the scene was set. it looks like a reflection from a TV screen, but it also fades like a broadcast being intercepted...

fuck I'm just distracted by Dhurke’s stupid voice. and uncomfortable at the actress playing Rayfa. imagine being the princess and having your favourite show turn you into a weird damsel in distress being manhandled by ninjas. gross.

also yay! they’ve got the indiana jones orb!! time to melt off some faces...

-

ok it was a hijacked show... ...why is there a news report on this in America? Are American troupes assisting in the Kooraheenese war?

-

“Daaaa-aaaad. What’re you up to thiiiiis time???”

i love how not-giving-a-shit-about-it apollo is here. and by love it i mean hate it.

oh, your long-lost adoptive father just happens to pop up on television starting a revolution, and this is the first time you’ve heard from him in like 20 years? huh, no big deal.

-

AND ACE ATTORNEY TURNS INTO THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW

-

oh noooo... he’s one of THESE guys... ururughhhhghghgh

-

“Wait... don’t tell me you haven’t told anyone about me, son?”

“I’m sorry, dad, it’s just you didn’t exist up until now...”

-

“you just show up here without warning after all this time... what gives?”

apollo’s got a point there, pa. also Dhurke’s theme reminds me of Coach Oleander’s from Psychonauts

-

Apollo just instinctively knows that nobody wants to be around him unless they’re getting labour out of him. That’s... honestly really depressing. I mean I know it’s supposed to be a joke but I just can’t bring myself to laugh.

its just... apollo is legitimately so bitter and sad that i just feel awful for him. 

-

yeesh... this whole thing just started off super sour.

-

wait, the piano has sentimental value to phoenix? they mentioned he never practiced on it and he didn’t like being a piano player... does that mean this piano is something phoenix just happened to own, and has its own backstory? I WANNA KNOW

(snerk)

ok thats mean but it did make me laugh

-

the JACKET IS APOLLO’S

IT IS APOLLO’S

HOLY SHIT

the rest of this case can be total shit but at least we figured out the mystery of the discarded red jacket. 

-

“our houseplant was called apollo”

“was it a cactus?”

“How’d you guess?”

“cause apollo doesn’t get enough hugs, either!”

-

apollos dad is so cool he reads his son’s personal shit out loud. what a great guy!

-

“That’s too bad! You seem like you’d be a fun, cool guy to hang out with!”

when he wasn’t being a rebel and not having time for his kids, obviously.

-

THERE IT IS! 

siblings dont know theyre siblings joke is funny both normally and ironically because the writers need to FUCKIN GET ON THAT

also i love that he’s basically like “hey son, this girl doesn't resent me! you should marry her so that i can continue to get favours out of you!”

-

“What did Mr. Dhurke mean when he said he was the man who raised you, apollo?” i dunno, trucy... think with your mind brains...

-

“How come you never told me?!”

“Sorry, it’s just, capcom hadn’t butchered my backstory at that point yet.”

-

I honestly find it really weird that Trucy’s all chirpy about this. She of all people should know the sting of a dad just up and disappearing on you.

-

Dhurke: I have to steal this orb. I’m asking you two because youre lawyers.

Kay Faraday, sitting in the Capcom warehouse: (sneezes)

-

Dhurke: I made a stupid gamble. Hope you can bail me out, son I haven’t seen in 20 years!

-

nooo.... don’t bring Kurain Village into this, pleeeeaaase... I don’t want to have my favourite village ruined for meeeeee....

-

:3c i chose nope

-

i wonder what Trucy would do if Zak waltzed in and immediately asked her for a favour. tbf phoenix would probably launch him into the sun before he could set foot into the office but...

-

Ok... So Dhurke doesn’t actually want to fix the legal system; he just said that he wants to gain immense spiritual power which will somehow give him the legal authority to RULE Kooraheen. 

how does spiritual power have any effect on land deeds anyway? 

-

“Only the rulers of Kooraheen have ever laid eyes on the orb, Apollo”

and Ahlbi’s seen the box.

-

“I figured you were poor as fuck so I brought you a plate of sushi!”

ok either A) He thought so little of Apollo that he assumed he’d just be starving on the street

or B) He’s been keeping tabs on Apollo and knows that the WAA doesn’t make a lot of cash, yet he hasn’t made any attempt to contact Apollo himself. Until he needs a favour.

what a.... great guy.

-

what the FUCK

“here, as my second present... a PICTURE OF YOUR REAL DAD, THE ONE WHO CARED ABOUT YOU AND IS DEAD. HOORAY!”

i can tell theyre trying to do the ‘Hagrid gives Harry a photo album of his family for comfort” but its REALLY NOT THE SAME CIRCUMSTANCES.

-

His name was... JJ.

-

~as you know~

also why would a musician perform with magicians? 

-

y’know, ive seen pictures of Jove Justice so far. and A) he looks like a tool, and B) the designers were lazy as fuck and just slapped Apollo’s hair onto Phoenix’s face. I had a pretty negative opinion of him initially. I was thinking I wouldn’t like any of Apollo’s new dads.

But you know what? If they go deeper into Jove’s backstory and prove that he was a caring father, I’m ready to completely drop any criticisms of him and carry this guy on my shoulders

cause compared to Dhurke ill bet he's a freakin angel 

-

...welp... back to Kurain village. At least it’ll remind me of bygone days...

...heh, aw. it’s cute. i like the sparrows on the roof.

ooh! an updated theme, too! not quite as nice as the original but it is nice.

-

he was full of piss and vinegar

jesus

-

yeah, kids run around naked. its not super surprising.

-

“man, I miss that hut...”

apollo youre gonna make me cry;;

-

Ema: :) i’ll show you the way to Dr. Buff. SURPRISE, HES DEAD! AHAHAHAHHAHA

-

NOOO

MY SYSTEM FUCKED UP AND STARTED ME OVER FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE CHAPTER AAARGRRJHRFJ

id gone on a short break and i come back to this (weep)

-

...

does Dhurke have boobs..?

...or just extremely prominent pecs...

-

phew ok back on track. 

wait hold on. if Dr. Buff is in Kurain village, where is he staying exactly? All the houses in Kurain village are old-style Japanese; this appears to be a modern day number.

-

“please tell me youre joking”

“as if i’d come out here for a few laughs, Apollo”

yeah but youre not above leading him to the dr’s study and THEN telling him he’s dead WTF

-

ahah. further proof that stepladders are superior.

i mean i know he didnt actually fall off that ladder by accident or whatever but still

-

“you could say he died an honourable death...”

...crushed under his nerd books like a fuckin cartoon :T

-

YEAH

POPS

POHLFUCKYA

-

“I’m so sorry... It seems you’ve had quite a life.”

Why else would she say that except that some poor dialogue translator is secretly begging the series to stop fucking up his backstory

-

“I mean, middle-aged man with long hair and an eye-patch? You don’t see that everyday.”

just give Valant an eyepatch

-

hang on. why does an archeologist in America have Kooraheen’s founding orb anyway? I thought it burnt peoples’ faces off. And was super precious. Queen Garananana doesn't seem like someone who’d just hand out a precious ball like that.

-

oh huh they found an ugly dalek. thats two dalek references in this game now...

-

did i just... have a ladder conversation about a relic that looks like an airplane.

-

why does everyone keep making blithe jokes about the doctors horrible death..? does that usually happen or am i misremembering 

-

WHAT THE STATUE OF AMI AND THE URN AND THE GRAVY SCROLL ARE THERE NOOOOOO YOU GET YOUR SLIMY HANDS OFF THEM SOJ, PUT THEM BACK IN T&T WHERE THEY BELONG

god there’s even a coffee shelf. i guess this side of the room is the “Relics of a better game” section.

-

polly the clean freak. what a sweetheart :)

-

aw yeah baby

its printing time

-

oh yeah i forgot this version of printing SUCKS

but i do like the little pap sound it makes when you put down powder

-

...they have Datz and Dhurkes prints on file.

You guys sure rock at being undercover. 

-

ill give them credit for having the Dance of Devotion not rhyme in English.

seeing lyrics again just gives me flashbacks to Serenade tho

Guitar, Guitar... Up together to the sky...

-

MAY-OR DE-WEY

MAY-OR DE-We

wait that has the same number of syllables if you just say the pun

 PAUL-A TI-SHON

PAUL-A TI-SHON

-

...why the fuck is he in a palanquin 

anybody in a palanquin is bad news ALSO WHY DOES IT SAY RECLAIM THE GLORY OF KURAIN 

KURAIN DOES NOT HAVE POLTIICIANS. ESPECIALLY NOT MALE ONES.

SOJ. SOJ WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY.

-

oh yeah he’s a bad guy

-

...king of this fine nation. First of all... America doesn’t have kings. Second of all, Kurain isn’t a country, it’s a small village. Either he’s a moron or SOJ is fucking up at unprecedented speeds 

-

...did his theme song just ‘wheeee’

-

“Jerk Q. Public”

pffft

-

i wish you were golden boy. then you'd be morally questionable but entertaining. 

-

I'm very uncomfortable 

-

k so we’re back in Kurain and so far we’ve seen Zero women in total apart from Ema.

even the unnamed heckler was an old man.

is this the same Kurain Village I know?

-

wh- talk??

what do you mean talk???

i dont wanna talk to this guy he's a dickcheese!!!

-

Trucy’s 17 and she hasn’t studied politics at least a little yet? ...weird

-

“Its real name is the Crystal of Ami Fey”

wait what

-

“It’s been passed down for generations in the Atishon family”

WAIT WHAT

is he dicking around or is he distantly related to maya

or is he just totally dicking around

if so how dare he use Ami’s name in vain.

-

where is Datz from anyway

-

paul i dont mean to dash your hopes but becoming grand high emperor of kurain village will in fact not make you king of the world

-

datz sure is a good rebel... getting caught... and put in jail...........

damnit, Vore Machine, what am i gonna do with you?

-

well Apollo, from demon to deer. thats not bad.

-

dog-faced cop..??

if youre very sneakily referencing our old pal Gumshoe youve got another thing coming, Vore Machine. In the form of my fist.

-

“A shut-in? Sounds like it will be a challenge just to get a conversation going.”

yeah.... not like youve.... ever dealt with someone like that....... before....... hehe.... heh..............

-

how long has Datz been in jail if he already knows the cafeteria itinerary 

-

um guys; maybe you should be a tiny bit more concerned about Athena??

-

i just realized the Shichishito is gold. It’s green, you idiots. Or is that one too bent and bloody for display??

-

thats it folks thats spirit of justice 

apollo has become a living title drop

hes fuckin dead

-

what kind of bullets were those

-

yeah apollo, a fledgeling is equivalent to a private.

...also youre not a fledgeling youre near full experience capacity. this is your third... (and last...) year.

-

so Dhurke is in full stealth mode until it comes to a remotely operated drone that could have literally anybody on the other side? brilliant, pal. 

this is why your revolution’s taken like 23 years to get off the ground, jsyk.

-

...k komandir?

i thought you were supposed to be a parody of The Soldier. what are you doing calling people by Russian military names? did the red scare not happen in this reality?

-

pfft 

it’s so cute. 

im struggling between finding it adorable and being uncomfortable 

-

“in other words, something caused him to withdraw from the world...”

maybe his mom’s death??? maybe?????

does anyone in this game understand how a bad thing make a peoples’ brain go???

-

pretty impressive that a woman’s body could provide sufficient cushioning to soften such a drop.

-

lol. death attributed to random maniac. thanks soj.

-

“Private Justice! You’ve suffered a loss just like mine!”

“I have... and thats how I know how you feel.”

yes, i can remember exactly happened when i was a one-year old in diapers. exactly the same kind of pain and trauma.

look i know theyre trying to have a moment but there’s a huge difference between growing up orphaned and being recently bereaved. Sure, Apollo’s seen his fair share of hardship and his experiences aren’t to be devalued, but it’s not the same kind of pain as having your parents die later in your life, especially with the mom’s horrific demise.

Honestly, it’d make more sense if he brought up Clay, since Clay was with him since he was very small and his death was sudden and deeply unfair.

BUT CLAY’S IN THE PAST, CLAY DOESN’T EXIST, WHO’S CLAY?? I DONT KNOW BACK TO SPIRIT OF JUSTICE

-

YEAH

POHLFUCKYA DURKE

dhurke the burk  amiright attorneys 

-

“the opaque crystal orb is the key”

>needless adjective

>will come into play later in court

-

um so nobody’s gonna mention the blonde lady on his desktop background or........

-

i like sarge. i hope they dont turn sour when theyre revealed.

-

nice boot

ooh phosphorescence! neato!

-

pearl: hello I'm here to do something ive never done before to provide clues for this case. i hope i’ve been useful! thank you, and goodnight.

...as contrived as this is, i am glad to see someone who actually comes from kurain village.

-

wow, the gangs all here huh

-

so they renamed Eagle Mountain “”””mt. mitama”””” eh

nice...............

-

“you are at that age, after all...”

says apollo who's like 24

also why is she talking about all the women leaving the village? i thought it was the men. is this why i haven't seen any ladies? they all just shipped off downtown?? and of course there’s no mention of the creepy oppressive atmosphere and strictness of the village...

-

nice alliteration apollo

-

rain spirit at a bus stop and you hacks didnt make a Totoro joke?? lame

-

“Dj’you bring a light?”

“Ņ̮͔̜̬͖̝ͫͦ̄̒̀̾̆̓̀ͤͨ͋̓̈̑̂͗́ͤo̸̵͈͎̤͇̤̙̯͔̙͖̞̳̙̠̹̞̲̭ͣ́ͫ͌ͦ̒́͞ͅ?ͯͩͨ̾̅̈ͮ̉̀̌͛̆͑̚҉̧͓̠͎̠͎̀̀”

-

how can you not recognize a foreign voice you idiot

-

“He tried to fucking kill us but he also gave us this flashlight. To um... see our slow death by starvation better I guess?”

-

“We couldn’t get back to where we started if we wanted to”

if you wanted to??? thats exactly what you want!!!

-

Klavier: Hello! This is flashback Klavier here to say: Don’t you miss me? Haha. I miss existing too. Oh well! See you next time~ ...i if there is one.

-

DEAD

-

aw, lucky you! you lucked into falling to your death directly to where you wanted to go!

-

“Yes! Time to find that orb! When we have it, we can....rot here for eternity.”

...ok i know the doc found a way out but still

-

wHAT THE FUCK

THAT HOLE IS LIKE 40 FEET UP

...oh well, if phoenix can survive it, so can they..?

-

i love that there are various sea-related items scattered around that give an obvious way out but only yield “durr??? a sea thing??? how this get here??????????” when inspected 

-

whats with dhurkes’ magic eyes

-

mmmmmmmm a slide puzzle great

“maybe the ppictures correspond to the song”

NO

REALLY??

what is with this game and not outright stating the obvious? its not like it spoils the player or anything; it just makes the WAA look like idiots

-

fuck this I'm gonna finish this stupid puzzle without this game’s help or die trying 

-

...ah. my personal need for pattern and order blinded me to the truth

oh well; it’s open now. i’m gonna smash Eshiro’s stupid smirking face with it.

-

“opening that box means you're the best lawyer ever! enjoy leaving the series forever!!!”

-

“A royal stole that orb”

stole it... as opposed to just taking it and doing whatever they want with it because it’s theirs and there’s absolutely no reason to have to “steal” it. 

unless they wanted to frame the rebels i guess but like. theyre rebels. theyre already pretty hated

-

“it would be seen as utter sacrilege to let a foreign man study this artifact”

oh also it would debunk that whole “explodes your face if you look at it” thing

-

...here we go...

-

“he used to be a nice kid, but now...”

he’s an enourmous shitstain?

“he tried to convict trucy for a crime she didnt even commit...”

ok, apollo. there are a zillion valid reasons to hate sadmad, and yes, his reasoning in that trial was shit. but just being a prosecutor and doing what a prosecutor is meant to do doesn’t make him evil. he isn’t about to just roll over because the defendant’s your sis–– er, best friend.

-

he... could be playing the long game, and interfering could fuck up his plan, Dhurke. Also how was he a rebel and then somehow managed to get into good graces with the royals? It’s already been proven that Dhurke’s Dummy Dragon Gang suck at being stealthy or having any sense of self-preservation. I doubt they just wouldn’t recognize Sadmad

-

“it’s not conviction that fills his heart; it’s resignation and despair”

are you telling me Sadmad is the equivalent of a guy in a dead end office job taking it out on his coworkers

-

“The only thing I know for sure is... Nahyuta is suffering, and he is suffering in silence”

edgeworth: been there, done that!

blackquill: BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

-

ya sure put a lot of stock in Sadmad, Dhurke. i mean i guess he’s your son but seriously; if you're a proper rebel you’d cut your losses and get on with shit already with or without him

-

...y’know, this speech about lawyers being like dragons kind of doesn’t have the same emotion impact and gravitas that the non-dragon one in T&T did.

-

oh how... charming...

*America’s* badge is shaped like a sunflower... and Kooraheen’s is shaped like a buggy eye.

-

YARGH

dont DO that

your voice is BAD

-

“he’s my son! therefor he has to believe in the same thing as me! nothing, not even torture could have changed him!”

cue Gredgeworth’s awkward cough from the afterlife.

-

“You know, I remember when Nahyuta and I were kids, he used to say with great pride ‘I have the blood of a dragon in me!’”

cue tiny apollo feeling left out and alone because he doesn’t know what kind of blood is in him 

-

>reform court system

>rescue son

well... i guess there could be worse reasons to start a revolution.

-

“I mean, what are fathers for?!”

( ‘I... I wouldn’t know...’) 

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, GAME

ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK MY HEART

YOU CAN’T GIVE APOLLO ALL THESE EMOTIONS WHEN YOU’RE ALSO SHAFTING HIS ASS AT THE SAME TIME

SHAME ON YOU

-

HE HAS A BROKEN ARM

HOWS HE GONNA SWIM

-

oh its high tide yay

oh it’s... really high tide

wow.

-

well this is fun. i daresay id really like this sequence... if it wasn’t in this game.

-

“oh no... the water might carry me up to the way out of here... how awful.”

lol can you imagine if this was timed tho

-

oh hey it’s the DD panic panic song. i liked that one. it deserves its spot in the suspense music roster.

-

y’know at this point i kinda hope he really just dies

wouldn’t that be a kicker

not that i hate apollo or anything but I'm just............... so tired

-

apollo’s pretty calm for a drowning person

i’ve nearly suffocated before and the only thing going through my head was AIR AIR AIR GET AIR GET AIR GET AIR AIR AIR

-

baby apollo: waahhhh!!! we’re both perfectly dry!!! the artist didn’t bother to make us look wet in the flashback!

-

A) Little Apollo doesn’t even call Dhurke “Daddy” or “Papa” despite being raised by him since infant hood, possibly meaning Dhurke gave him the ‘You’re adopted” speech pretty early. Or else kids that “aren’t really my son” have to go by name basis. See? Nahyuta calls him father. 

B) Haha! Boys don’t cry, not-son! Suck those sissy tears back up into your skull, or you’ll look gay! It doesn’t matter that you’re like five and you almost drowned to death! Don’t embarrass me!

-

“Don’t ever hesitate to call when you need me”

oh but apollo your ass gets shipped back to america tomorrow ok

-

no seriously. on one hand; why did apollo get sent away? why couldn’t he be a rebel alongside nahyuta and fight for his family? on the other hand, why didn’t dhurke send nahyuta with him? if apollo’s going away because it’s dangerous, why is nahyuta staying with dhurke in the path of danger?

to be honest I'm ashamed that I'm crying, but it’s less about this scene being sad as fuck and more about the fact that I know that none of this is ever really resolved. Dhurke is still a piece of shit who made no attempt to contact apollo for years until he needed a favour out of him. and Apollo has to live with this stupid backstory because ESHIRO thought it would be dramatic and cool. Apollo’s going to “go home”, leave the series... He doesn’t even know he’s leaving his last scrap of real family who gives a shit about him behind in America.

Apollo doesn’t deserve this. 

-

Dhurke, with superman theme playing in the background: Redeeming my character! By saving your life! Redeeming my character! By saving your life! Though only a heartless, shithead person, would leave you behind to die! So this isn’t great.

-

...is he holding him in his broken arm

wait is that arm even broken

has he just been holding it like it’s in a sling for no reason this whole time

-

“Still can’t swim, eh?”

oh fuck off 

-

“Good thing your name’s not Neptune, hahahaha!”

A) OH FUCK OFF

B) NEPTUNE IS A SEA GOD, HE’D ACTUALLY BE RESISTANT TO WATER

-

WHOA FUCK HOLY SHIT

vore machine came out of nowhere and oh

also he is also laughing at a guy who almost drowned

well aren’t these two just the greatest men on earth huh

Trucy: :) lets make this drowning thing seem like no big deal by playing it off and not even asking if you're okay at all :))))

-

great... now he owes his life to him.... that completely cancels out every other piece of baggage.....

remember........ when edgeworth owed his life to phoenix......... remember how he was 100% okay after that and not fucked up at all................ remember how he just popped back into the series without any changes whatsoever apart from being phoenix’s friend again........................................

-

“GLAD TO SEE YOURE NOT CRYING SON; IM GLAD YOU GREW UP INTO THE EMOTIONALLY STUNTED MAN I ALWAYS WANTED, EVEN WITHOUT MY STELLAR PARENTAL GUIDANCE! THAT LONELY ORPHANAGE MUST HAVE TOUGHENED YOU UP GOOD! HAH-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!”

-

y’know in the interim i was thinking 

Rebel Apollo would be great. he’d probably be an enormous goofus but at least he’d be happy and maybe Dhurke’s shitty plan would get off the ground because an actual smart person would be part of the team.

-

listen to that fuckin “we solved the case” music.

(sigh)

at least apollo is eating.

Turnabout Revolution... End

heh i wish

-

“Sure wish Nahyuta was here”

I don’t.

-

you fucking morons. you colossal fucking asshats. i knew this was coming

Dhurke: DURR LETS TALK ABOUT THIS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT ITEM IN A PLACE WHERE WE KNOW THE GUY WHO WANTS THIS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT ITEM IS! WHATS A STEALTH????

This is why the revolution has taken 20 FCKIN YEARS to take off. Because Dhurke and his band of nincompoops are all incompetent fuckwits.

-

huh i can see where Nahyuta gets his magic clap from.

also say it you loser say bitch

say bitch

say bitch

say bitch

-

A) If the “crystal” is a fake thing, his police report probably wouldn’t check out cause I'm P sure that people can’t just file police reports for anything without proof of previously owning it.

B) Dhurke. You’re a rebel. Shoot someone. Throw a smoke bomb. Gently jog away? Idk if that works in America but it sure as hell works in Kooraheen.

-

no. don’t do it. don’t you fucking do––

oh, i just saw a ghost.

The ghost of the potential any sequels past AJ had. It blinked at me sorrowfully before CAPCOM busted it and crammed it into the Containment Unit.

-

(sigh) Ok (most likely) fake shit aside, that would make Atishon related to Maya, and the “heirloom” would more probably be Maya’s. Why is this excuse present at all anyway it’s stupid.

-

Apollo it shouldn’t fuckin matter; it’s a court case. Just prove the orb isn’t the Crystal of Ami Fey and you win the case. You know that Phoenix doesn’t cheat and you’re pretty certain that the crystal really is the Founder’s Orb, so you shouldn’t be upset about anything. This isn’t a murder trial, it’s a dispute over ownership of an item. You know you’re in the right, so you ought to be able to win the trial. There’s literally no stakes apart from the fact that you’re facing your boss... but so what? That can happen... I assume, I’m not versed in that sort of thing. But either way, lawyers sometimes have to face off against each other... it happens. You had to face Nahyuta. Now you face Phoenix. Unless you think Phoenix will cheat, or that you don’t have sufficient info on the orb, then there’s legitimately no fucking problem. I mean yeah, sucks to go to court, but who gives a fuck? Win the trial and skip back to Kooraheen to overthrow the oppressive regime.

-

I don’t 

what is the fucking problem

one of you gets payed, you both work at the same place

it doesn’t matter

-

APOLLO. You KNOW his methods. You know that he wins because his clients are innocent, and would graciously hand over victory if it was clear you were in the right; YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS. YOU’RE HIS BIGGEST FAN, REMEMBER??

Unless you think he’d fucking cheat for a skeezy politician for money in which case, nice. Gotta love that trust and belief that DD was building up there.

“Can I do it? Can I fight him?” YES ITS NOT EVEN A MURDER TRIAL

-

“May the best attorney win” 

well so much for finding the truth or whatever. Also Phoenix should be proud that Apollo is willing to go up against him; it shows he’s coming into his own. There’s literally no reason for them to be on shit terms right now.

-

“A fine mess I’ve gotten you into, son.”

Hey shithead that wasn’t an apology. Also yeah, go on and on about how good a lawyer Phoenix is just to scare Apollo. Brilliant.

-

“The first step of your revolution, huh?”

The first step. 20 years and he’s only just taking the first step. Not the first step to the end of the revolution; the first step to the revolution itself.

-

Welp, we’re off to fight over the possession of an oversized marble in court. Seeya next time i guess...

[bandwpanda]

piece of work

[...]

“Jake?” Lottie said, looking at his soft eyes and the bright smile, whereas he was dying inside.

“Yes?”

“I thought you were sleeping.”

“No, Sam said I’d slept for fourteen hours, it was enough for me.”

“How long do you usually sleep?”

“Well, that depends, but at most nights I sleep for like... maybe three hours, sometimes I don’t sleep at all.”

“Jake, you know that it’s wrong, right?”

“Yeah, I tried to change it, but I couldn’t, I can’t sleep.”

“Oh, baby.” Lottie said with tearful voice, pushing Jake’s weak body closer to hers, and hugging him tighter. “Please, don’t do that to yourself.”

“I don’t do anything, I just have severe sleeping issues.”

“You’re too thin, Jakey. Your cheeks are more... concave? When did you eat anything last time? And, please, don’t lie, I’m here to help you.”

Inside his broken heart and lost soul he knew that Lottie, the love of his life, was right. He could not keep lying about his eating disorder, self-harm, depression and suicidal thoughts that he has been having for about two years. Suddenly he felt guilty, what his eyes showed.

“Jakey?” she attracted his attention. “Tell me, what’s really going on?”

“I- I don’t know.”

“Jake, please.”

“I’m serious, Lottie.” Jake tried to hide his tearing up eyes, as he knew that it was not a good move to cry in the front of Lottie, because in that case she would find the truth about him out. “Everything is just fine.”

“Oh, honey, then why are you crying?” she wiped the tear streaming down his pale face. “Please, don’t lie. This one time, please.”

“I just- it's too complicated... And I- I don’t know what’s ha- happening to me.” Jake closed his eyes, and so many tears appeared on his concave cheeks.

Lottie kept holding his tiny body in her arms, but when she saw the first tears, she wanted to cry, too. For her it was a broken-hearting view. Lottie swayed him carefully, as she knew that it was one of the things that were able to calm him down, especially if she was with him during the cry, panic attacks or something even worse.

“Baby, you’re safe.” she whispered to Jake, when he tightened his fist on the material of her shirt.

“I know.” he barely said. “Just take this pain away from me.” he muttered.

“Shh, you’re safe, I’m here.” Lottie kept rocking him in the way like she was rocking a baby to sleep.

It took Jake a long time to calm down, what ended up him falling asleep in Lottie’s arms. He was, finally, breathing peacefully, even though the skin around his eyes, nose and cheeks was flushed and swollen. Lottie covered him with a warm, light blanket.

Around 6PM Lottie went to Sam’s and Danny’s room, leaving Jake alone in his bedroom.

“How’s Jake?” Sam asked when he noticed Lottie coming in.

“Well, he’s sleeping. He’s been crying for over three hours and couldn’t calm down so let him sleep.” the girl explained. “He’s very tired, thin and weak. Does he even eat anything?”

“Mostly, I think so. If he doesn’t... Well, he’s good at hiding emotions and feelings in that case... I don’t know, he usually eats something, especially when he’s with us.” Josh said after a moment of thinking.

“Oh, okay, well, he’s too skinny and small, that’s why I’m asking.”

“I know, we’re all worried about him.”

“I know. I just... I could feel and see his ribs and hips. He looks literally like a walking corpse. God... I don’t want to go to his funeral.”

“None of wants it to happen.” Sam said, looking at Ariana. “That’s the last thing I want to attend to.”

“Me neither.” Josh agreed with his younger brother. “Well, let’s talk about something different than this.”

“Let’s talk about music!” Ariana said louder than she should, what only highlighted her attitude.

“Sure, why not.” Danny nodded. “So, the Grammys?”

“Don’t tell me! No, stop right there.” Ariana moved her hand on Sam’s. “No, no, no.”

“Why? You wanted to start it?” Josh was surprised but not disappointed that much.

“She has a huge crush on Ariana Grande.” Lottie explained. “That’s why. She couldn’t stop talking about her and the Grammys two days ago.” she laughed lightly.

“I see.”

Ariana’s cheeks became flushed.

~~~~

Three days later Josh, Jake, Sam, Danny, Ariana and Lottie were to Los Angeles. It was because of the situation connected to Jake and his bad mood and mental health, of course Lottie was very concerned about it. She would never let him to go anywhere alone, which he understood. Her company was making him happier than he could ever imagine.

At boys’ house Lottie helped Jake to unpack his bags, and after it, when he was in the bathroom doing bathroom toilettes, she began preparing a meal, light enough for his damaged stomach.

“I’m back.” Jake came to the spacious kitchen. “What are you doing?”

“You have to eat something, so I’m preparing a very light meal for you.”

“I told you already, I don’t want to eat.”

“But you have to.”

“No, Lottie.”

“Yes, Jake, you’re too skinny, I can see your ribs and hips, and to be honest, your condition scared me.” she responded with a very harsh tone of voice. “If you won’t eat, then I’m fucking out, because I really can’t stand your talking about not being hungry, even if I fucking can hear your stomach, the fuck are you thinking about?! Do you seriously want everyone to be worried about you and your shitty condition?! What dream are you living in?! I’m fucking out if you won’t touch this meal. Not everything is about you! I’m trying to make you feel better and you still can’t look at the fucking food. I cared about you, I stayed up all night with you, just because you wanted to talk about some stupid things that don’t even matter to me even though I all I wanted to do was going to sleep. I paid you all my fucking attention, just because you can’t notice that you’re important to me. And still, you keep acting like a whole dick and can’t understand that we’re also scared. They won’t tell you that, they don’t want you to know that they’re scared to a fucking death of losing you.”

Jake looked down on his bare feet, as his hands were playing with each other. He knew Lottie was right, but could not admit it. His eyes teared up.  

“I’m tired of your shit. Keep doing that and you’ll going to end up dead in the fucking bath.” she added and left the kitchen.

Jake was guilty. He felt like this, but he would never use his friends or brothers to feel sorry for him. It was the right time to rebuild his mental health, and health in general.

The boy sat down on the chair, thinking about his best friend’s words. And now, because of him she was gone. Of course, not out of his life, although he had that feeling.

Lottie sat on the cold floor in the bathroom and hid her face in her hands. He overreacted, and accidentally hurt one of the most important people in her life, but she was right.

Twenty minutes later she came downstairs to the kitchen, noticed Jake sitting on one of the chairs in the dining room.

“Can we talk?” she asked, coming up to him.

“I think you’ve done it for both of us...”

“Jake, no, you know that I’m never tired of you.”

“Actually... I know, you’ve said enough. There’s nothing we can talk about.”

“There is. Well, firstly, you deserve an apology. I shouldn’t have said those words, I didn’t mean it.”

“I know you, Lottie, I’ve known you for a solid part of my life. Now just... leave me alone.”

“Jake...”

“I said something. I don’t want to talk to you for now.”

Jake got up and went upstairs straight to his bedroom, laid on the bed and covered his whole body with a blanket, which smelled like Lottie, what caused him to think about her. He took an album full of their pictures, some of them were took surprisingly out of nowhere when none of them expected it, some were like those amazing photoshoots for Calvin Klein. He felt that little spark called happiness inside his broken heart, and he smiled. That was a beautiful moment.

“Jake?” Lottie stood in the doorpost, watching his behaviour.

“What do you want this time? Yell at me? Well, do it.” he responded sarcastically, and she rolled her eyes.  

“I don’t want to yell at you, not again, you didn’t deserve it.”

“Nevermind. What do you want?”

“I just wanted to check on you.”

“I’m still, somehow, alive.”

“You know I didn’t mean this.” she sat next to him on his bed. “Why are you looking at our old pictures?” she took a peek at one of the mentioned pictures. In this one was her and Jake in the middle of the woods, taken probably in their high school. “I remember this.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you were fifteen then.” she laughed.

“So were you, honey.”

“I know, I’m not that old.”

“I missed this.” he claimed after few seconds of silence between them.

“What? The laugh?”

“Yes, I missed your laugh.”

“That’s so cute.”

“I know.” he laughed again.

Jake pushed her closer to him, and she wrapped her arms around Jake’s waist and lied her head on his chest.

“Do you have more albums of us?”

“I have some pictures of us with Ariana, Sam, Josh and Danny.”

“Aww that’s sweet.”

She looked at Jake’s bright eyes. The sparks were dancing in their eyes, while looking at each other. He kept her close to him, and she did not take her arms. Jake placed his hand on her cheek, and kissed her very gently. Lottie kissed him back. They opened their eyes in order to look at each other, once again. Bright smiles were true ones, without faking any second of this delicate moment. Jake wished this moment could last forever.

“You’re sweet.” Jake whispered against her face.

“Aww, no, you’re sweeter.”

“No.”

“You’re sweet when you’re trying to deny some facts.”

“Okay, let’s be it.” Jake smiled.

“Can we talk?”

“We’re talking now.”

“Yeah, I know, but seriously... Like... Serious talk?”

“Okay.”

“Are you making yourself starve?”

Jake’s eyes became more serious than barely seconds before, and darkened.

“Wha- What do you mean?”

“Well, at the hotel, two days ago, I was thinking about it, and I connected the facts in my mind. You’re very skinny, I can see and feel your ribs and hips, literally a lot of your bones, and you don’t want to eat anything, despite the fact that I can hear your stomach, but also, you’re weak and boys told me that you keep passing out after a lot of psychical effort, including playing on the stage and that sometimes you have to hold on to something in order not to fall down on the floor.”

“Oh.” he did not have enough bravery inside to admit that Lottie was right. Lowkey he hoped she will not notice his uncertainty. However, he did not want to disappoint her.

He looked down on his hands wrapped around Lottie’s waist, hugging her, but his mind and thoughts were somewhere far away than Los Angeles. On the other hand, she was staring at his scared eyes. In that moment she found out the truth and answers to her questions she had been asking long, long before.

“Uhm... I- Well...” he started slowly, as he could not find the proper words to say something, and his eyes were showing the lost.

“You don’t have to answer to my question if you don’t want to.” Lottie placed her hand on his left cheek, what caused Jake to look at her. “I can see that you feel lost.”

“I just... I had some problems.”

“That’s alright. I won’t push you to your limits. I know that damaged people need some time to admit that there’s something wrong with themselves. You need time, I see.”

“No, Lottie. I need you, you know? It’s always been you.” he said on one breath. “It’s always been you.” the boy repeated his own words. “I just- Well, I- It all is connected to you.”

“What? Why?”

“Remember that one day in our high school when we went to San Francisco instead of going to our classes?” Lottie nodded gently, still looking at the boy, who kept talking. “Then we almost kissed on that bridge. I didn’t forget. Then I knew... I fucking knew that I- I actually loved you.” a single tear ran down Jake’s pale cheek only to be wiped by the girl, who was listening very carefully.

Lottie opened her eyes wide, not being able to say anything. That was too much for her to take at once. It was not only the fact that he admitted to having eating disorders, being depressed, but also that he loved her. The girl who was always independent, cared only about herself, excluding important people in her life, but still, she would not find this secret out if she were not sitting right here on the bed with the right person after talking to other people, even if it was on the phone or texts. Her face was showing surprise, a big one. That confession was not exactly the one she has ever expected.

“You... Jake...” Lottie whispered, trying to find right words to say.

“I love you, Lottie.”

[hgfstreamchats]

The Sims 4

Smokey: MAKE ME IN THE SIMS Knock Out: I was planning on it! Smokey: WHOA REALLY? Smokey: YESSSSSSSSS Jalaperilo: Here she is! Jalaperilo: hello hello! Smokey: Hey! Knock Out: You're keeping the hat. Smokey: but Jalaperilo: yo smokes! Smokey: but woojit what about my beautiful hair :( Smokey: how am i gonna sleep if I have a HAT on Smokey: DONT MAKE ME PUBLIC ENEMY >:( Jalaperilo: Ive played 1 2 and 3 excessivly, but not 4 Knock Out: Too late! The hat is on! Smokey: woojit :( thenightetc: It's never coming off now.  You'll just have to have it clip through things. Smokey: im domed t never sleep Smokey: doom Smokey: doomed thenightetc: I can't quiiiiite read those.  What'd you give him, traitwise? Smokey: wait yeah what are my traits Jalaperilo: bunny slippers! Smokey: OOOH MAKE ME FASHIONABLE Smokey: can i be taller Smokey: i wanna clip through buildings Knock Out: Probably. Jalaperilo: didnt you already cause knock out to clip through a wall lol thenightetc: ...I swear they changed Simlish Smokey: Pfpfffpf- I sure did! thenightetc: It's a little uncanny.

Smokey: My translators are glitching up trying to figure out what they're saying- so probably! Smokey: can we make wheeljack yip Jalaperilo: do they still have real song on the radio that were rerecorded into simlish? thenightetc: Oh, it's a fake language.  It doesn't "translate" to anything too specific, you just get the gist of it Jalaperilo: i know its a fake language Jalaperilo: but hadouken, a band i love, rerecorded one of their songs into simlish thenightetc: ^Was replying to Smokescreen. Jalaperilo: ah Smokey: What? Fake language? How does that even work? Smokey: Isn't it a fictional language? LIke- with a sim dictionary somewhere? Knock Out: Good enough! Smokey: wheeljack looks ooooooooold thenightetc: Just, you know.  Phonemes. Smokey: but why and how Smokey: CAT EARS thenightetc: I guess because it stops it from getting too annoying/tiresome to hear them say the same things over and over. Smokey: Are youo sure it's not secretly a real language? Starscreamapillar: Drat. I must away. Have fun tormenting your effigies. Smokey: Awww, bye Starbeam thenightetc: Goodnight! Thebes: hello! Jalaperilo: hello! thenightetc: The little goatee arrangement is very You. Knock Out: We'll torment a few in your honor! Knock Out: Thank you! I'm very happy with that. Jalaperilo: sorry i looked away, whose being made now? Smokey: Breakdown it looks like! Jalaperilo: * squints* breakdown humanson Smokey: can breakdown have cat ears woojit Knock Out: He most definitely can. Jalaperilo: breakdown needs to be 6 ft wide with amazing hips Smokey: :D Knock Out: If I can find a him that isn't hideous. Smokey: just make a scan of breakdown and put him in like that Jalaperilo: i like the thighs Jalaperilo: he's built like a rower Knock Out: There we are. Reasonable and unbiased. Smokey: can the thighs be bigger? Jalaperilo: isnt knockout a bit tall? Thebes: Unfortunately, height isn't variable Knock Out: Let's play the quiet game, jalaperilo human. Jalaperilo: awwww Jalaperilo: i dont like the quiet game Smokey: I don't gotta play the quiet game do I Woojit :( Knock Out: You lost the quiet game vorns ago, Smokescreen. Don't worry about it. thenightetc: What are those pants thenightetc: That's like a wallpaper pattern. Jalaperilo: whos this now??? Jalaperilo: bumbumbee! Smokey: YAY So I never have to be quiet! That's awesome! Smokey: :O! Knock Out: His aspiration is to become a vampire because I said so. thenightetc: Excellent. Smokey: wait what Jalaperilo: is there an aspiration called 'take on too much responsibility cause you uncosciously feel like you need to be punished for not being good enough even though you really are? Thebes: technically no, but there's plenty of ways to plunge them into angst. Found that out the hard way when I randomly rolled up a sim and they got 'Lazy', 'Ambitious', and the aspiration to bodybuild. Jalaperilo: sounds like that can be rolled into one aspiration called 'executive dysfunction' Jalaperilo: oh. the screaming one thenightetc: It's going to be a good thing Starscream already left, isn't it Knock Out: Oh! Forgot to edit their walk cycles! Smokey: starscream should be older though right Knock Out: That's key. thenightetc: !! thenightetc: You can DO that? thenightetc: Amazing! Thebes: lot of oprions too~ Jalaperilo: haha! thenightetc: oh my GOD Jalaperilo: yes!!! Smokey: can you give me that walk of like... that one person in food fight Jalaperilo: booo Smokey: you know Jalaperilo: cruel thenightetc: This is amazing. Knock Out: No trade ins on walks. Jalaperilo: i do like that hair on screamer Knock Out: Unless you're Breakdown. Breakdown can have anything he wants. Knock Out: Requests for anyone else? Jalaperilo: the hunch one for screamer! Jalaperilo: nosferatu screamer! nosferatu screamer Jalaperilo: something jogging like for bumbum Jalaperilo: yes Smokey: woojit can my sim have money Knock Out: I'd give him bouncy, but that's a Smokescreen walk. Knock Out: They'll all have money. I'm giving them enough to finance all their vices. Jalaperilo: somkey, you have to like in a box and be paid pennies a day Smokey: :( Smokey: Thats just like my real life though Smokey: I don't even MAKE shanix for helping run my home Smokey: shanix isn't even really a thing thenightetc: Bigger glasses.  Bigger. Smokey: SOUNDBABE Jalaperilo: a big scarf that covers as much of his face as possible! Smokey: i need to find my old sims file with the terrifying soundwave thenightetc: Is that a bong? Smokey: had big, all seeing optics Knock Out: It is indeed. Jalaperilo: 3 piece black/purple suit! Knock Out: There we go! thenightetc: Oh dear, that clipping Jalaperilo: whee whee's pompadour isnt pompy enough Smokey: soundwave has the power to clip through anything Jalaperilo: just like ko thenightetc: I dunno, I liked the shirt with the headphone cords Smokey: I wish you could change clthing materials like in sims 3. you could make soome SUPER amazing and ugly clothes Jalaperilo: is 'super *** creepy' a trait Jalaperilo: and yes, smokey, the fabric changer was great Knock Out: I wish. Knock Out: Pompadoury enough now? Jalaperilo: lol. thank you boo thenightetc: So what walk cycle are you giving HIM. Jalaperilo: bit of a sausage fest... Smokey: can he just t-pose and float around Smokey: a sausage fest? Smokey: we can't even buy groceries yet though Smokey: I want my sim to eat a hot dog! Jalaperilo: its a festival where all you can eat is sausage and there's no taco stalls thenightetc: well I'm sure there are mods for that Knock Out: I'll put it on my to do list for the next time. Smokey: Man, that sounds like a terrible festival- there should be every kind of food available! Smokey: Wait you gotta mod the game for hot dogs? Jalaperilo: i agree. everyone should have a wide pallet Knock Out: I'd make Shockwave, but I've no idea how I'd make Shockwave. Jalaperilo: massive boobs Smokey: do we have pets in the game? Smokey: shockbabe Jalaperilo: what a lineup thenightetc: Look what Soundwave's doing Jalaperilo: ratchet have to be bbb's dad Knock Out: I'll go back and edit it in! Knock Out: Four bedrooms. They can all fight over them. Jalaperilo: ok. are we placing bets on who dies first? Knock Out: By all means! thenightetc: Oh, good, a way to start fires. thenightetc: It wouldn't be Sims without THAT. Thebes: Ohhh, it gets better. This incarnation allows sims to be embarassed to death. Smokey: wait what Smokey: well it's good I don't feel embarrassment ever! Jalaperilo: well thats smokey dead first them Smokey: NO Thebes: so new and unusual death methods remain even though they made it impossible to die in a pool thenightetc: So, just curious, there's gardening in this game right? thenightetc: :) Knock Out: There is! Jalaperilo: haha Jalaperilo: man, you guys dont wait around to start macking Knock Out: Can you blame us? Smokey: I want someone to smooch :( Knock Out: If no one dies in a reasonable amount of time, we can always toss on the violence mod. Smokey: the what now thenightetc: Oh my god, Wheeljack's just going to have that bong permanently attached to his hand, isn't he Smokey: wait am I becoming friends with screamer or are my optics broken Jalaperilo: smokey you should seduce soundwave thenightetc: Well, you did say you wanted someone to smooch. Smokey: byt Smokey: but Smokey: starscream?? Jalaperilo: or ratchet and become bbb's stepdad Smokey: Nooooo Thebes: it's sims. no one is allowed dignity. Smokey: ... if I smooched up to Soundwave would I be able to ground ALL the decepticons Smokey: wait whos that Knock Out: The neighbors. Smokey: we have what thenightetc: If you greet someone they get to come live in your house.  Those are the rules. Smokey: ..... Jalaperilo: human rules Knock Out: And Soundwave's insulted because someone on the internet insulted his Minicon care methods. Smokey: "You can't just glue them to your chest!" Jalaperilo: 'susan: has baby strapped to chest. susan: hypocritical *** with poor tate in shoes Jalaperilo: now i can only imagine sodunwave on mumsnet Knock Out: Oh, the violence mod for this one isn't funny. I'm not seeing an option to body slam anyone by their feet. Jalaperilo: aw Jalaperilo: they need to do a prowrestling expansion pack Knock Out: Aw, there you go, Smokescreen. You made a friend. Smokey: wait i wanted to ask starscream for WHAT thenightetc: It IS a good thing he's already left. Smokey: seriously what did Smokey: what did I just ask for i missed it Smokey: WOOJIT. Knock Out: Oh, this is priceless. thenightetc: I couldn't read the text. Smokey: .... Ask for sax. Smokey: Yes. That's it Knock Out: Exactly. Knock Out: Some long, thick sax. thenightetc: I see that diamond.  Is he just going to starve to death right there? Smokey: woojit why Jalaperilo: has anyone peed themselves yet? Smokey: why did you hover over the sax button again Smokey: ... wait why am I embarrassed Knock Out: Because he rejected your offer of sax. Smokey: oh........... :( Smokey: ... wait what are those hearts Smokey: why are there hearts Smokey: starscream no Smokey: you can't just kick breakdown out of his bed Smokey: uh Smokey: um. am i just standing there that's Jalaperilo: youre just being regular old smokey lol Smokey: True!

Jalaperilo: assert dominence by having sex with bd while looking the person he flirted with in the eye thenightetc: Just do it right there on one of those tables. Jalaperilo: yes Smokey: .. wait am I inspired to sleep or Knock Out: Excellent idea! Jalaperilo: i wish i could read the writing Smokey: No! thenightetc: There's a "random" option for the sex mod? Jalaperilo: haha! Knock Out: There is! Jalaperilo: i'm dying at this Smokey: Man- Starscream WOULD love karaoke Knock Out: He probably would have. He always loved a captive audience. Jalaperilo: physically chained down? Jalaperilo: ok. timne for me to go to bed. gotta get up in 6 hours of a 9 hour shift :( thenightetc: Goodnight! Smokey: Man- that sucks. Have a nice recharge, though! Knock Out: Goodnight, jalaperilo human! Jalaperilo: thank you! and good night smokey, nighty, knocky Smokey: Knocky Wocky! Jalaperilo: lol Smokey: ... you always gotta check on me after starry Smokey: w thenightetc: I swear that pouring animation has the drink missing the glass by several inches Smokey: where did I go Knock Out: They're all leaving more miserable than they were when they came. Smokey: woojit let old man screamer go home and sleep Smokey: :( Smokey: let my sim be happy woojit come n Knock Out: He looks downright jolly to me. thenightetc: The stink lines are true to life Smokey: NO thenightetc: Stinky Smokey. Smokey: I smell nice! thenightetc: *skeptical look* Smokey: .... who said yiff yiff Thebes: Nope. stink lines. And eeeveryone can tell Knock Out: By the standards of that house, I'm sure you do. Smokey: come onnnn Smokey: I bathed a couple of weeks ago! Knock Out: There we are, a much needed laundry machine. Smokey: Can we have a hot tub woojit Knock Out: Certainly not because they're prone to starting fires. No sir. Knock Out: Yes. thenightetc: You'll just pee in it. Smokey: well maybe if there was another toilet for me I wouldn't Knock Out: A toilet free household builds character. thenightetc: A stinky character. Smokey: whoa I'm so stinky looking thenightetc: Welp. thenightetc: I called it. Smokey: ....... thenightetc: And now you're just... sitting in it. :| Knock Out: You called it. You win the prize no one wants. Smokey: you win the pee Knock Out: And submerging in it. thenightetc: I think Smokey wins the pee. Smokey: noooo thenightetc: Ewwwwwwww Smokey: bee joins in Smokey: and makes the pee team thenightetc: Don't do it, Knockout! Smokey: iget in woojit thenightetc: You don't know what he's been doing in there. Smokey: woojit put on pants JUST to get in thenightetc: Ewwwwwwww Smokey: 3 guys chilling in a hot tub Knock Out: And takes them off to go to the town square. Smokey: did pee fall asleep in the hot tub Smokey: is starscream just shocked at the sight of me now Smokey: is it the hat Smokey: why do I keep thinking about pee Smokey: ... can you frag in the tub Knock Out: I'm sure it had everything to do with the hat and nothing to do with the odor of urine. thenightetc: Would you WANT to frag in that tub. Smokey: Well Starscream has NO room to talk Smokey: adsbzcxvzcx Smokey: RATCHET Smokey: wheeljack Smokey: you cant just watch thenightetc: What, rooting for him to join in? Smokey: NO Thebes: So that happened Smokey: am I never wearing my hat again thenightetc: Sinister music of someone about to start a fire Knock Out: Soundwave is keeping everyone from starving to death and that's not funny. thenightetc: ...It is a little bit. Smokey: Isn't that how the Decepticons were? Knock Out: ...When you're right, you're right. thenightetc: Is that a birthday cake? Knock Out: Alright, Smokescreen. I'll throw you a bone. I'll make your Sim happy. Smokey: :D Smokey: wait Smokey: wait how thenightetc: Oh boy! Smokey: ... Smokey: oh thenightetc: Did you mean to leave yourself standing on the bed permanently? Smokey: wait ............ Smokey: KNOCK OUT Smokey: KNOCK OUT Smokey: LOOK EVEN THE GAME THINKS WE'RE INCOMPATABLE Knock Out: The game has a poor sense of humor. Smokey: feed him thenightetc: ...Did that food just... ROT into nothingness? thenightetc: Is that why the plates are "clean" now? Knock Out: That would make sense. Knock Out: The mansion has become a metaphor for life, death, and decay. Smokey: knock out Smokey: the flirting is failing so much I'm so glad Knock Out: Are they just using the hot tub as a giant toilet? thenightetc: Mm, in 2 there was a mod that had some scripts to build relationships--it'd detect which interactions would be accepted, I think. thenightetc: It was handy Knock Out: You're lucky it wouldn't be as funny if I forced it. thenightetc: Oh, that was the point!  It wasn't forcing it, per se, it was just saving you the effort of looking up the interaction threshholds in the manual Smokey: It'd say way more about you thenightetc: Maybe my concept of what is and isn't "cheating" is a little loose. Smokey: sleeping in the pee tub thenightetc: You should just.  Throw that away. Smokey: NO Knock Out: The hot tub is its own ecosystem at this point. thenightetc: Yes, that's the problem. Knock Out: It serves as the mansion's toilet/bed/eventual grave. thenightetc: Try teleporting! Smokey: woojit if you wanna be with breakdown you gotta stop standing on top of sleeping bee thenightetc: What about that cheat that lets you pick up sims and move them around? thenightetc: Oh.  Does it not work in this version? thenightetc: I guess the bed's where you live now. Knock Out: It's a delicate condition and I'm a little sensitive about it. Smokey: He likes to feel tall Smokey: wait what happened to your helm Smokey: THERE WE GO thenightetc: Ahh, good. thenightetc: So... there IS some way to die in a hot tub, right? Knock Out: There'd better be. thenightetc: Maybe it can somehow light on fire thenightetc: OH BOY Smokey: WAIT WHO STARTED THE Smokey: AM I PUTTING IT OUT thenightetc: Everyone just walking through it. Knock Out: Oh, this game has no sense of fun! Smokey: I SAVED OUR LIVES thenightetc: Try putting more stuff around it!  Then the fire can spread. Knock Out: Excellent idea! thenightetc: Flamingos are traditional, but a little tacky. Knock Out: Better yet, fireworks! You can buy fireworks in this game! thenightetc: Oh!  Good idea! Smokey: :O Smokey: Fireworks are so cool I wanna see them! Smokey: But I also want to not die thenightetc: We all want things we can't have, Smokey.  Everyone's gotta go sometime. Smokey: I dont trust starry's food Knock Out: Rude, Starscream. Very rude. Smokey: rudescream thenightetc: What you should do--add another toilet, but surround it with things they can't step over, so that they can't actually reach it. thenightetc: Keep them from just using the hot tub all the time. Smokey: b Smokey: but Thebes: tiny things, too. so it's extra hilarious when they fail thenightetc: Yes! Smokey: :( thenightetc: Build a giant maze around it, too. Smokey: At least let me find love in someone that's not Starscream thenightetc: Oh my god. thenightetc: This is hilariously cruel. Thebes: That's basically the raison d'etre of the sims, tbh

Knock Out: Where are the manners, Starscream? thenightetc: Hmmm, I think if it's surrounded by walls, though, they won't even TRY to get to it. thenightetc: Did you take away all the beds when I wasn't looking, or something? thenightetc: Or are they all glitched? Knock Out: I'm fairly sure they can step around anything that isn't a wall. Knock Out: Who knows? thenightetc: Maybe Smokescreen just prefers sleeping in the pee tub. thenightetc: Just.  Marinating.  :/ Smokey: >:( thenightetc: Hey, I'm not here to judge! thenightetc: ...And yet here I am, judging. Smokey: I'm not marinating in my own pee! thenightetc: Well, it's not JUST yours, I'm sure. Thebes: Probably not going to stop anyone from talking about all this awful stuff we saw an entity named Smokescreen do Smokey: NO thenightetc: Thank goodness there aren't any pumpkins on this lot Knock Out: Pumpkins, you say? Smokey: NO NO NO NO NO thenightetc: I did say! Thebes: they're waiting in the buy mode Smokey: NO thenightetc: Ha!  So you don't even have to go to the trouble of growing them. thenightetc: Take a picture! Thebes: and now Smokescreen has failed at party too Smokey: :( Smokey: WOOJIT Smokey: YOU ARE FRAMING ME thenightetc: HA Smokey: I HATE THIS thenightetc: Good idea!  We should frame that. Smokey: NO Smokey: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO Smokey: WHY Smokey: starsc Knock Out: But look how eager you sound! Smokey: starscream just clipped through me Smokey: woojit i will make sure you are covered in owls Knock Out: Worth it. thenightetc: I feel like there must be some way to snap an object to a sim's hand. Smokey: woojit let me flirt with starscream please Smokey: end this pumpkin thenightetc: Flirt with Starscream and this pumpkin? Smokey: NO Smokey: end the pumpkining Smokey: please thenightetc: You're the pumpkin king! Smokey: i'll flirt with starscream offline just Smokey: no pumpkind Thebes: but then how can we tell everyone 'smokescreen carves pumpkins while being an exhibitionist' Smokey: you don't! thenightetc: Well then. Smokey: uh Smokey: NO Smokey: NO NO NO NOO NO Smokey: WOOJIT Smokey: I AM STEALING YOUR PENS Thebes: Okay, never mind, being able to say Smokescreen's a wanker is even better. thenightetc: A pumpkin wanker. Smokey: :( Knock Out: Alright, all in favor of just leaving Smokescreen like that for the duration? Smokey: NO thenightetc: Aye! Thebes: aye! thenightetc: Wait, wait. Smokey: NOOOO thenightetc: Move the bed, with him on it, out into the living room. thenightetc: Or, eh, there's not room there--the front yard. thenightetc: And the pumpkins Smokey: why thenightetc: Tooooo keep you safe from the fire that's starting! :) Smokey: I PUT OUT THE FIRE LAST TIME thenightetc: So who's burning to death here? Smokey: wait who paid me thenightetc: ...is ther e a tip jar thenightetc: Because honestly that's even funnier Smokey: .... Thebes: I think this mod, if it's what I'm thinking of, counts that as marketable public display Knock Out: Stop putting out my fires! Knock Out: You're ruining my dinner party! thenightetc: Who's that? thenightetc: I can't tell under all the soot. Knock Out: Wheeljack. I was going to send him to make pancakes. thenightetc: Ahhhhh. thenightetc: Hoping he'll set another fire, eh? Knock Out: At this point, the fire is our new roommate. thenightetc: The mansion belongs to the fire now. Knock Out: The hot tub and fenced in toilets belong to everyone else. Smokey: but thenightetc: Huh, does it not... actually burn stuff? Smokey: HELP ME thenightetc: What just happened? thenightetc: I heard a little musical sting Thebes: Honestly death in this game is a lot harder to come by. they even took out the ladder cheat. thenightetc: Which is disappointing, I mean the ladder cheat is really the heart of the franchise. Knock Out: And the fire death! Smokey: NO thenightetc: Well, at least we have pumpkin wanking. Knock Out: Ohho, wait! I found a mod! Thebes: 3 had the right idea. ladderdeaths, fire deaths, and the ignoble and amazing death by jellybean or time paradox Knock Out: We're doing it. I'm not ending this stream on an anticlimactic note. thenightetc: OOooo! thenightetc: Death mod? Thebes: WOO! Thebes: Fire burns, everyone dies! Smokey: :( thenightetc: I guess things'll still be "anticlimactic" for Smokescreen. Smokey: >:( thenightetc: Y'know, because the animation doesn't-- thenightetc: :) Knock Out: HAH! thenightetc: Was that a hah at my joke or a victorious hah? Knock Out: Your joke, but the latter, too. thenightetc: :) Thebes: At last, he can die as he's lived thenightetc: Surrounded by pumpkins. Smokey: No Smokey: No no no thenightetc: Yes! thenightetc: Hey.  Hey, see if you can move one of the pumpkins on top of him! thenightetc: Surely you can place things on beds, right? Knock Out: Will that do you? thenightetc: HA Smokey: NO. Smokey: KNOCK OUT. YOU ARE GONNA REGRET THIS thenightetc: ...What if you put the pumpkin on someoen else's head and had them, y'know......... Knock Out: They need to consumate their glorious love before the house goes up in a blaze. thenightetc: Yes. Smokey: :( thenightetc: Love the piles of rotting... laundry?  Realkly gives it a special ambiance. Knock Out: Doesn't it though? thenightetc: Awww, where'd the pumpkin go Knock Out: Again, the game hates fun. thenightetc: So what's the "wicked" interaction for the dj table? Smokey: e Smokey: eh Smokey: i looked away what am I DOING Smokey: who Smokey: why Smokey: woojit thenightetc: You're doing Starscream Smokey: WOOJIT. thenightetc: ...I mean, obviously thenightetc: Huh. Knock Out: Soundwave can have the honor of lighting the fire and ending this madness. thenightetc: Look at them; they're having fun. Smokey: i cant believe you woojit why me and starscream WHY he's a creep why are we going at it Knock Out: He was impressed by your pumpkin display. Smokey: ... Doesn't that mean he's a pumpkin fragger too? Smokey: Or a wannabe? Smokey: ... man we're really going at it thenightetc: Would that make you a pumpkin? Smokey: I guess that's better than the alternative but thenightetc: Well, if there were a WAY to dress Starscream up in a delightful pumpkin costume during this, I'm sure we'd be doing that thenightetc: But we can't have everything, apparently. Smokey: I didn't see it was at 3 times the speed Smokey: I just thought woojit was REALLY fast Smokey: :( Smokey: WOOJIT Smokey: WHY thenightetc: Yesssss. Smokey: NO Smokey: NO NO N O NO NO NONONONONONO NO NO Thebes: The mansion belongs to the flames now Knock Out: We all died the way we lived. thenightetc: CAN you die while doing those animations? Knock Out: ...Apparently not! thenightetc: Ha! Smokey: we're immortal! Thebes: only until you stop thenightetc: DEATH thenightetc: WE HAVE DEATH Smokey: WHERE AM I Smokey: AM I ALIVE STILL thenightetc: THREE deaths! Smokey: BARGAIN WITH DEATH FOR MY LIFE thenightetc: "Very tense" Smokey: FLIRT WITH DEATH Smokey: FRAG DEATH thenightetc: Aren't there two other sims somewhere on the lot? Knock Out: Probably. thenightetc: Why the superspeed? Knock Out: To see if it burns itself out. Knock Out: Or if the reaper moves. Smokey: can the reaper be naked? thenightetc: Ahhhhh thenightetc: So, eh.... who survived this? Knock Out: Starscream and Bumblebee, apparently? thenightetc: Huh. thenightetc: Smokescreen died covered in pumpkin pulp. Smokey: :( thenightetc: Sorry-- thenightetc: NAKED and covered in pumpkin pulp. Knock Out: He went out with his boots on, as the humans say. Knock Out: Doing what he loved. Knock Out: Which was pumpkins. Smokey: NO thenightetc: Yes. Smokey: i was fragging starscream thenightetc: And Starscream. Smokey: which isn't much better but Smokey: NO thenightetc: Starscream, who had been dressed up as a pumpkin shortly beforehand, in order to entice you. Knock Out: Rest in pumpkin. thenightetc: You should figure out which urn is Smokescreen's... Smokey: woojit you will Pay for these crimes thenightetc: And tip it into a pumpkin thenightetc: :) Smokey: knock owl thenightetc: Or I guess use moveobjects to cheat it into the same space Smokey: OOOH GHOSTS thenightetc: ...So, I guess with this mod, once a fire starts it never goes out ever and you can never save? thenightetc: ...Are those ghosts naked. Thebes: probably Knock Out: Yes. Smokey: clothes dont cme with you to the afterlife thenightetc: Sounds like an excuse to me. thenightetc: Can't believe all the furniture's still there and not little piles of ash. Smokey: we got super durable furniture Thebes: more durable than the tenants, in fact Knock Out: Well, they got most of the fire. Knock Out: "Almost" counts in fire, doesn't it? thenightetc: I'm pretty sure it does. Smokey: woojit you are the worst at this Knock Out: Well, it looks like that's a wrap for tonight. thenightetc: The best, surely. Smokey: :( Smokey: Night night Woojit Knock Out: Thank you all very, very much for coming! Smokey: I've got revenge planned for the pumpkins Knock Out: That's fair enough. thenightetc: Thank YOU for hosting this!  And entertaining us all with the pumpkins and so forth. Smokey: And also I'm definitely taking your pens because of the Starscream thing Thebes: And the many, MANY things we witnessed Smokescreen do Knock Out: Also fair! thenightetc: We're awful, but it's funny. thenightetc: Goodnight! Thebes: good night!