#ok i went off on a rant here but man i am tired of folks acting like the grass is greener on the other side and manhood is all hunky-dory

[roboticutie]

We talk a lot about either being lumped in w women and being completely erased from medical narratives when we aren't lumped in w women, but we don't discuss cis men refusing to align with trans men enough. Trans guys already know as a given that cis men don't see us as one of them the majority of the time. Even some that try will have a subconscious divide between men w dicks and men without, which takes a lot longer to work on even when they're actively trying. The majority just don't try.

This is such a given that we don't end up bringing it up because it's a huge fucking bummer, and bc we live with this every day it's kind of an unspoken background truth that every trans guy in the room knows.

But no one else seems to realize this, because it doesn't get said aloud. So I want to bring it up and remind y'all that yes, the stories of cis male family members and guy friends at work or school giving us a "pass to the boy's club" is sweet and real. But systemically that's not what's going on. And the fact that there are a handful of these stories vs hundreds of daily occurences where we ARE ousted for not being men in the "right" way and are at risk of abuse by cis men for threatening their understanding of manhood is still a very real issue.

Trans people threaten every cis person's idea of what their gender is so long as we're all taught first that gender is what's in your pants and we have to unlearn that in order to feel comfortable with our identities. This means that cis men don't actually like trans men a lot of the time. They don't see it as gaining another to the team, often we're seen as a threat to their established male heirarchy at best and a delusional woman at worst.

Cis men's gender is constantly threatened and used against them, especially those raised in hypermasculine environments that took in the sexism prevalent in the American and Canadian militaries (the phrase "Alright ladies!" to a group of men working under the boss, "you fight like a girl", "this is what REAL men do", "you're not a man you're a coward", "are you a man or not?!"). Their "man card" is constantly under threat of being revoked by someone more "man" than they are. They don't even take each other's personal identities seriously a lot of the time.

This results in a lot of cis men being seriously defensive when it comes to doing literally anything out of line with what they're taught manhood is. This is widely known to contribute to abuse against women, feeling threatened by and then hurting trans women, but it's also a major cause of abuse by male family members to male family members, men in same sex relationships, AND attacking any trans man who asserts that he doesn't have to have a dick OR conform strictly to masculinity to be a man.

Cis men fucking hate us and do NOT want us to be recognized as men. Why does anyone think we are, en masse, totally chill and fine w cis men?

Obviously the answer here is not to divide ourselves from cis men further than they already divide themselves from us. It's most important to bridge that divide and be taken seriously as men, hopefully breaking down a tonne of sexism, transphobia, and racism fraught in our cultures in the process. But my point here is that that's not our reality right now, and just because your insular leftist echo chamber sees us as men as much as cis men are (though subconsciously you might have a bias still there too fyi), that doesn't mean that's actually trans men's day to day lives.

Trans people just aren't respected equally to cis people. Yes, even the men. Cis men don't even respect each other equally as men, why would they respect us? It's redundant and erasure to try and push otherwise.

[wallstoothin]

A Bouquet Instead of a Goodbye

fixed up one of my fics

Akechi Goro’s body was eventually found, it was tucked away in some bush near the diet building. His eyes wide, broken, and very very dead. A proper autopsy showed a bullet hole on his forehead and a matching exit hole at the back of his head. There were also small cuts and bruises all over his body, their origin unknown. Some speculate that the detective was held hostage and eventually killed due to the lack of cooperation from the police department. Others said that it was from an old grudge from a case he did long ago. A situation like these happens in movies all the time. Who's to say it can’t happen in real life.

The one who found him was an ordinary gardener, the bush was growing wild and it was about the time to trim it. Based on the news the gardener ran all the way to the police station unable to utter a word and completely forgetting about the phone in his pocket, dragging the poor rookie all the way to the body. It was said by some sources that the young man almost threw up on the dead body.

The world mourned before they started pointing fingers because that’s what society does best. But the search for the culprit ended as soon as it started. His father, the disgraced politician  who had abandoned his son long before his birth, has admitted in prison that he had plans of killing him. The news ate it up. 

Akira found out from the comfort of his home, watching the evening news as he brushed Morgana’s hair. He could only stare at the dead body on the screen as his phone rang beside him. The news censoring the blood and gore as an announcer talked about Akechi. Later announcing that there would be a short thirty minutes special celebrating the life and accomplishment of Goro Akechi coming soon. There will also be a live funeral for him, his remains would be going under Shido’s family tomb for the sake of tradition. No one cared over the fact that it was Shido who ruined the young man’s life and set him up for a path of self destruction and ruins. And the fact that Akechi would most likely protest. But no one heard him, he’s dead after, and the dead don’t speak.

He can feel Morgana’s paws clawing at his shirt trying to get his attention, his phone just as whiny as his feline friend was also going off. Akira let out a sigh, reaching towards the remote and turning off the television with a small ‘click’ from the power button. He ignored Morgana’s questions of ‘Are you ok’ and the constant calls and messages from his friends. He stood up and brushed off any lingering cat hair that stuck to his pants and legs making a mental note of vacuuming sometime later before he get in trouble with his parents and head to his room.

He needs to do some research.

Akira has never attended a funeral before, he’s been invited to a few sometime during elementary and middle school but he never went. He wondered if his sister in heaven hates him for never going to hers. Akira also wonders what Akechi would think when he told Morgana and everyone else that he has no plan of turning into Akechi’s public funeral or when he decline the invitation Sae-san send him through email an hour after. 

That funeral is for the detective prince, a mask that Akechi wore in order to feel some semblance of love. But in the end that love was too distant for the dead man. Akira can see it right now, thousands of young girls watching as the black car pass by as they cry, some holding on to their handkerchief while others scream their confession out loud for the world but not Akechi to hear. Akira feels that he would not be able to stand going to a funeral like that. From what he heard, Haru and Futaba also decline going to the event. He hasn't heard from everybody else but he suspects that Ryuji might skip as well. 

He let out another tired sigh as he stared at his old laptop screen, he still had things to do. But at this rate he’ll be up all night. Akira can hear the rant Morgana have in store for him later but maybe if he play his card right he should be able to stay up late. He later watched Morgana eat his fatty tuna, his wallet clutch in his hand. His wallet was looking slightly lonelier but at least he got what he want.

A week passed and life went on as usual. The public forgot about the incident until the funeral where the name Akechi Goro is once again trending on the net. On the day of the funeral Akira left the house at five am, making sure to leave a note behind for Morgana to read. No need to leave anything for his parents. 

The walk from his house to the train station was long but he was unsure if the bus even operate at this time and like hell is he going to leave his bike near the station. Even in the city there are times where the train comes few and the buses fewer so he can’t really complain about it being just a ‘countryside problem’. He have no choice but to take the long route.

 It gave him even more time to reflect. Since he’s been back in his sleepy hometime that’s all he can do without being given a strange glance or an ugly look. Everything was quiet in his hometown even during the afternoon where everyone would be out of school and shopping around but it would still be quiet, no sound this town could make would ever compare to the Shibuya crossing and for some reason it irks him. Which led to a new habit of wearing headphones around his neck in case things get too quiet around, of course another good substitute is Morgana who enjoys chatting about the things he sees or other small topics that he demands Akira pay attention to. 

By the time he made it to the train station the sky had turned from a murky blue to a bright and sunny one. The train station was empty save for the workers and a few people in suits. It was still early after all. Had Akira decided to leave the house two hours later the station would be filled with people and many more inside the train. He did not want to be seen today. Akira checked his phone to look at the time. He still have another two hours before he reaches Shibuya, still a lot of time to spare. It was probably best to check the group chat before the rest of the gang do something stupid. 

Akira:

I’m alright guys don’t worry

The replies he got were all the same asking if he was really alright and if he need someone to come over. He’s been offline for days and now that he gets a good look at his notification he can see that his messaging app has over a few hundred unread messages.

 He softly smiled, the feeling of warmth covering his chest. He loved his friends. They cared for him more than anyone else in his life and he will do anything for them. 

Akira:

I’m sorry for not answering all you calls

And texts. My family has been busy.

He added a cute frowny emoji for good measure.

Akira:

I won’t be online for the rest of the day

Sorry! Talk to you all later

He felt bad lying to his friends. But today he’s on a solo mission. He doesn’t want anyone else to be with him. He hopes they can understand. Akira slips his headphones back on and lean back in his seat, his hand reaching out and pulling the blinds so they fully cover the window and for the rising sun light stays out of his eyes. His destination is still a long way. A quick nap before then couldn’t hurt. 

===

The news mentioned him once today. It was more of a passing comment from a news channel that barely talked about him when he was alive treats him just the same dead. The big screen on the building creates white noise behind the already loud Shibuya. He knows he shouldn’t dawdle, who knows how everyone will react if he takes too long to answer back. He doesn't want to worry them ever again. 

An aggravated sigh escaped his lips. Today is not about him. He shouldn’t be selfish today of all days. He needs to quickly transfer trains before someone spots him and distracts him from his task. 

He reaches into his pocket expecting his train pass to be in there, he doesn't have any money in the card at the moment but it should make entering and leaving the station much easier as soon as he refills it.

And his pocket is empty. 

Guess in the end he has to buy a ticket. Yippie. 

Putting paying extra aside-he still have some metaverse money that he split evenly between the team long after their last heist and a short while before his departure. In the end everyone received a good amount of cash and after a long lecture from Makoto went mostly to saving so wasting five hundred yen for a round trip shouldn't hurt his bank account at all. 

The train in Shibuya is much busier than the one he took from his hometown. He scoffs, Of course it’s busier everyone here is always busy doing their own thing and living their own lives. It was almost disturbing to see how quickly city folks move from one topic to another especially after seeing the public’s one track mind on the Phantom thieves and Akechi but that was all due to the influence of the false God. Now that everyone is free, everything went back to the same boring way it was before. 

The city charm has long died out somewhere along his journey. But it was better than the countryside for sure, as a third year he now have to worry about college and future plans. Whatever it is he hopes he can do it by his friends’ side and not alone. 

There was a soft melody on the overhead, that must be his train. He stepped aside as the people leaving rushed out, and as soon as the last person exited he made his move. He quickly glanced around the cart, there’s no empty seats how unlucky considering he’ll have to stand for another thirty minutes . The train was filled with sleeping salarymen and bored elderly. He knows he’s not getting a seat anytime soon. He pulled out his phone and opened the music app. He never liked the waiting game but hopefully music can make time go by faster.

-

Akira also dislikes being squeezed to the point he can feel his ribs but being in Tokyo comes with a price. The train was not that packed compared to the early morning rush that he dealt with every morning for the past year. But not being able to pull out his phone to change the song, has made the trip much longer than expected, when Akira pushed his way out of the train he let out a huge sigh in relief. It was a good thing he decided to buy the supplies on this stop, the last thing he need is to feel the glares of fellow passengers over spilt water and crushed petals all over someone’s over expensive suit.

A sponge, a small box of incense, small candles along with two canned coffee . He ignored the sad look the cashier passed him as she was ringing him up. Did he have everything he needed? He thinks he does but if he did forget something then there are sure to be a convenience store nearby. He still have some time before the next bus comes, maybe he can buy a triple seven chicken and gobble it down. 

As he step out of the store he paused in his step. Flowers ! How could he have forgotten about the flowers especially since he was complaining about it earlier. He open up his metaverse free navigator. It was still too early but there should be one place that’s open right? He grin widely after finding out that yes there is a place nearby that’s already open. A small family run store instead of the big corporate one that he worked in once before. Hopefully they can help him pick up the perfect bouquet for him. 

An hour later and a few thousand yen emptier, Akira finally reach the grounds.

The hike up the hill was just as stressful as the trip getting there, he nodded to the monk who was sweeping and headed over to the sink and grabbed one of the available pail filling it with water and started making his way up the hill. It took awhile for Akira to find the right grave, he did not have an exact location and it was not like the monk at the entrance knew each place by heart, so Akira had to walk pass each individual family grave until he found one that was covered with dirt and weed. 

Here it is. Abandoned and left alone like the people who’s spirit left there. He put down the bucket gently on the floor and reach for the sponge making sure the sponge took up as much water as possible before reaching toward the grave, the name which was hidden after years of abandonment shine in the sun. He smiles as he dip the sponge in the water again. 

--

Cleaning the grave back to its former glory took about an hour, cleaning around the graves like pulling out the weed and disposing of old flowers took about half. By then Akira was covered with dust, dirt and sweat and in need of a good soak. But it was far from over, setting up the candle and incense shouldn’t have been a problem. He done it many times before, but it took a few broken one and a sip of water before he was satisfied with the white smoke in the air. Akira then reached for the flowers and carefully placed them in their placeholder. ‘Done’ he thought to himself. After seeing his parents prepare the family grave each summer he thought it would be easy but it was a lot more work than what he expected. It must be the heat.

He then took out the canned coffee already lukewarm from staying in the heat the whole time and placed it right under the engraved name. Akira then put his hands together, closed his eyes and talked. 

When he opened his eyes again it was already dark and his neck was burning from standing outside for too long. His voice was hoarse from talking too much but it was not like he talked much in the first place. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tie that was frayed and wrinkled with the lack of proper care.  

Akechi’s body was long gone. His ashes spread over a name he hated all his life. By spreading the last part of him to a place where he wanted to rest would make him happy, right? He pulled out a lighter and slowly moved it towards the tie.

Akechi loved his mother didn’t he? So Akira should do this one last favor and help guide him to her. But- his hand shake as the fire slowly touched the end of the tie. He quickly turned off the flame before it take more of the tie than it already had. 

He can’t

Akira bit the end of his lips internally scolding himself. This is not about him, this is about Akechi. He shouldn't be selfish . It was selflessness that saved the world before, the options he had before when he was allowed to be selfish would have ended up in ruins. Even now after defeating the false gods, the golden rule still applies. He should hurry up and burn it up already !

He drop the lighter on the floor and clutch the tie in his hands tightly. One day, one day he’s sure that this decision is going to bite him back. It might even haunt him for the rest of his life. But it was unfair, he was still a kid, he should be allowed to grieve the way he wants to. He stare sadly at the grave in front of him. Akechi is probably mocking him. A sentimental fool. He wouldn’t mind hearing him sneer one last time. 

Akira let out a wet chuckle and wiped his eyes erasing any evidence of tears that was forming in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I’ll try to visit again soon.” He said as he stood up, making sure to grab the bucket and sponge, leaving no garbage behind as he walked back down the hill and back home. 

A03 Link : https://archiveofourown.org/works/24458830

[dynamesvirtue]

False Light Ch.1

AFTER A MONTH and 2 days, Here is my first chapter of my Magnus fic, I hope you enjoy and any feedback would be appreciated!

7 months left

Tap tap tap. The sound of nail hitting against wood was heard quite loudly in the silent apartment. Dull and tired eyes stared idly at the blank word Doc on the screen. Her St Bernard Nana, laid close to her feet, yawning before putting his head down. Bailee had to choose her words wisely, those assholes were always watching. Deadlines due in six hours, and her leads on dethklok have fallen kinda of short. Online reports were the worst, it just made her procrastination that much easier. Luckily she only had to do this once or twice a month, being a reputable Dethklok reporter has its perks. She would rather be out there being the first one to get the scoop as she normally did. And her mysterious “manager” was extremely helpful with her success. In a way, Bailee sort of felt bad for the folks reading or watching her work. They had no clue what’s to come and the thought of that sort of excites her. 

Leaning back on her desk chair, the tired girl looked at the few files that laid on her desk. Majority of them were mundane Dethklok shenanigans and leads she found out a few hours prior. One of them caught her eye was that Nathan was dating a fan. It was quite interesting after the whole NateBecca scandal, but this one really takes the cake. After digging into this Trindle girl, Bailee already knew this was going to be a mess. They’ve been only dating for a couple of days and she has a history of dating Nathan impersonators. She wonders if the poor boy knows anything about her obsession, and was surprised that Charles let someone that unstable so close to the band. How Hypocritical.  After showing the would be article to Magnus, the two had a good laugh, with him stating Nathan always had a thing for crazy or insane girls. She just might go with this one.

The other file only had a couple of information on it. As Nathan is dating again, William Murderface started to take up smoking. Not entirely news worthy as the one prior, but has a bit more to go on. As the band is now known smokers besides cannabis, the Tobacco stocks and sales have risen and so has the number of first time smokers. Most of them range from early teens to late 40’s. Not entirely news worthy since the world doesn’t have that many years left anyways. Bailee never understood the appeal of smoking. It smells bad and tastes just as bad as well. Some of her so-called friends smoked all the time and she hated the smell. Her tired face made a small smile as she thought she was lucky Magnus was able to quit smoking long before he met her. 

The third and last file she had wasn’t really for the public eye. Magnus and her were working on this together, but it's been a couple of months she heard anything from her “manager” or her usual insider friends. Though he remained calm about it, she knows the so-called “rumor” was eating the back of his mind. He waited this long to have something planned against Dethklok, what can waiting a little bit longer do? A small pout pulled at her lips as she felt like in a similar situation. Bailee could never understand how patient the Tribunal was with the whole prophecy thing. So close yet still out of their reach. She was ready for the chaos to happen with her and Magnus officially starting the shebang. But in order for this to work, She needs to have Magnus stay in the dark, just like his role as the “Man who stands behind shadows”. 

 Thoughts were interrupted by the sound of an alarm pinging. Looking at the clock of the screen she let out a groan. 5 more hours until it's due. “The sooner you finish it the quicker you’re done with it!” Magnus called from the living room. Soon after that he heard her reply with another groan. Nana barked in agreement. Eventually she decided to give the smoking article to Smokearooni Aficionado. Seemed like to fit their style and the extra bucks that came from that lead didn’t hurt either. Now that she’s finally picked a topic, Bailee went to typing. 

A few days later..

 “I can’t believe you didn’t want to come, it was totally epic!” Bailee exclaimed, waving her arms in excitement as Magnus grabbed her suitcase. “Bodies, everywhere! Blood, everywhere! They even found Trindle’s body among the mess HA! How easily death follows Dethklok!” The bitter man made an annoyed groan, slamming the trunk of the car rather hard as she continued her supposed rant. He always felt annoyed with her line of work. Dethklok this, Dethklok that. Yeah, it was the main source of their income, but knowing every move they made all the time just irritated him to no end. Though it was useful for future arrangements, it was just annoyance.

 Bailee noticed his change in demeanor and stopped her ranting, though a grin was still plastered on her face. She felt like something was gonna change, and hopefully soon. Though it wasn't time to let Magnus know what was truly going on. "Let's get going.." She said, stretching her arm over her head. "I just wanna go home." She leaned onto Magnus who was standing next to her and wrapped her arms around his neck. All she wanted to do was relax and spend time she had left with Magnus. It could be hours before she was pulled into work again. Being a reporter for Dethklok was demanding, but someone had to do it. Just the thought of working again after flying back home made her pout and cling on to her boyfriend even tighter. Eyeing her pout, Magnus gave her a quick kiss on the head and rubbed her back. "Ok then.. let's get going." He said softly. 

 The ride home started off quiet. The airport was a bit away from home so the car ride was rather long. The two of them sat in comfortable silence as the radio played softly in the background. It was some rock station trying to promote new bands. Bailee watched idly as they passed by random buildings next to the freeway. Her hand twirling around her orange hair. While away she noticed her roots were coming back in. Maybe it was time to change her hair color again, though she had gotten used to the bright orange hair over the past month. The sound of Magnus' voice snapped her out of her thoughts. "What?" She said softly, clearly not hearing what he said. "I said, 'whatcha thinking about?'" He repeated, his eye still focused on the road. She hummed for a second before replying to him. "Nothing in particular..." she said. "Though.. I am curious." Magnus interrupted her with a scoff. "When are you not?" The reporter let out a laugh and playfully nudged his shoulder. "Whatever!" She smiled. "I was gonna ask, what do you do when I'm gone?" She tilted her head to the side, curious to see what his answer was. Magnus pressed his lips together toughly. What she doesn’t know is that he also has a trick up his sleeve. Someone reached out to him while Bailee was out on a different work trip. Though it was a brief meet and greet, that person also had mutual grudge against Dethklok. However he would only meet him while she was away. The man was not someone that Magnus wanted Bailee to be around with. 

“Oh you know. Just lazy on about,  ignoring Nana and getting wasted until you come home.” He joked, keeping his little secret in the back of his mind. Bailee arched her brows before laughing. “If I ever believed that, it would be pathetic. Plus You would never ignore Nana.” She said in between laughter. “So you think I would be pathetic?” He questioned, playfully pretending to be hurt. “Hmm a bit sad but not that pathetic.” She replied. With a grin still on her face, her hand stopped twirling, her played-with hair bounced lightly on her chest. Her eyes gave Magnus a sensual look. “So tell me what do you really do when I’m gone?” She said in a low voice. Oh he knows where she's going with this. Magnus bit the inside of his lip as he tried to focus on the road ahead of them. The exit they needed to take wasn't too far now. Though his thoughts were distracted as Bailee placed a hand on his thigh. “Well?” She questioned, waiting for a reply. Magnus shuddered as his girlfriend began to rub his thigh. Damn girl knew how to get him aroused. “C-Come on Bails.. This isn’t the time for that. Besides… You know I preferred if you watch.” He chuckled. His girlfriend gave a playful pout and placed her hand back in her lap. She gave a playful pout and placed her hand back in her lap. “Fiine I’ll let you win... for now.” She stuck out her pierced tongue at him. 

 After that the ride home was quite short. Once off the freeway it was only 15 minutes before they could reach the townhouse that they shared. Though as Magnus parked the car in the garage, they heard Nana barking like crazy. Bailee immediately glared at him. “What did you do to her?? Leave her on the leash again?!” 

“What!? No of course not. I’m not that cruel.” He argued back. “Maybe she just saw a squirrel or something.” Bailee rolled her eyes and scoffed, rushing in the house. Magnus followed suit, but as the pair rushed through the door, they both immediately stopped in their tracks. The backyard door was shattered with a hole in it, a bloody trail leading to an even bloodier rock with what seemed like a note attached to it. Nana was still barking wildly from the opposite of the room. The baby barrier blocked her from entering the open kitchen and dining room. Both Magnus and Bailee were too scared to move, and were pale as a ghost, hoping the note wasn’t from someone they didn’t want the other to meet.