#ok i’m gunna try to sleep again i’m so tired

[motheyes]

i hate you internet service. you lied to me like five times what the fuck how does this even happen

[liliesonpandora]

heyy!! So I read all of your avatar fanfics and omll they're amazing!!!

And I was wondering if you could write one about Jake and neytiri, where neytiri is sick with the stomach flu and Jake takes care of her?? Ik its random but I love the wholesome Jake an neytiri ones! if you to busy and can't it ok!!👍❤💗💕

Hii omg thank you for reading all my fanfics and being so sweet 🥹 Jake and Neytiri have my heart, I wish there was more out there for them. Tysm for your request! I hope you like this one just as much as the others☺️🫶🏼

Jake reached over and felt the absence of his wife laying next to him. He opened his eyes and sat up, trying to make out her figure in the night. She was at the other end of their home. “Neytiri?” He called to her.

When she didn’t respond, he began to walk over to her. She was hunched over, and over her shoulder he could see a bucket in her hands. He placed a hand gently on her back. “Hey, you okay?”

She looked up at him with a pained look and shook her head. He bent down and placed his hand to her cheek.

“What’s wrong, you feeling sick?”

She nodded. “I woke up because I felt pain in my stomach. Ive thrown up twice already.”

“Aw baby, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. You should’ve woken me up.”

“I wanted you to sleep, I know you’ve been really tired lately.”

“Nah if you’re not sleeping soundly next to me, then fuck that.”

Neytiri managed a smile at his vulgar language.

“Did you eat something bad?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Hm, maybe you have a stomach flu or something.”

Jake barely finished his sentence before she hunched over the bucket once more and proceeded to throw up a third time.

Jake quickly scooped up all of her hair in one hand and rubbed her back with the other. They stayed this way for quite some time, until it seemed like the vomiting had ceased. He eventually put the bucket aside and got up to retrieve something. He returned with a water jug in his hands.

“Here, have some water. You’re probably really dehydrated.”

Neytiri gargled a mouthful of water and spit it out. Then she lifted the canister to drink the rest of the water.

“Don’t drink too much too fast. Only small sips every now and then” he warned her.

She sipped a little and passed the canister back to Jake. “I really hope that doesn’t come back up.”

He let out a little laugh. “Lets sit here for a while and hope for the best.”

He opened his arms wide, she crawled into his lap and leaned back on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, his chin resting gently on the top of her head.

Neytiri groaned and hid her face in her hands.

“What? You gunna be sick again?” He asked with concern.

“No, I just hate that you have to see me like this.”

Jake looked down at her in awe. It baffled him that she could still be so shy and embarrassed when she was nothing short of amazing in every aspect. He thought it was adorable. He removed one of her hands from her face and interlocked their fingers. “In sickness and in health, right?”

“Hm?” She asked while looking up at him, a little confused.

“Oh, its one of the vows people say when they get married.”

“Ahhh, I understand. As my husband, it is your duty to watch me vomit.”

Jake chuckled. “Pretty much.”

He felt like he’d known Neytiri for his whole life, so he often forgot that she was from a different world. Often times, it would be silly little things like this… a phrase or a food. But other times, he would think about the fact that theres an entire part of his existence that she would never truly know. ‘But that part of me is dead now,’ he would think.

Jake felt Neytiri tremble in his arms, so he rubbed his hands up and down her skin to create some heat. “You’re shivering.”

“I’m really cold” she said as she leaned more into his hold. “Thank you for keeping me so warm.”

“You’re burning up,” Jake said as he placed the back of his hand gently on her forehead. “I think you have a fever, baby… you definitely have the stomach flu.”

“Ugh, how long will this last? I’m so tired,” she said with a yawn.

“1 to 2 days, max.”

“Okay, could be worse. But my duties…”

“I will take care of your duties.”

Neytiri opened her mouth to protest but Jake spoke before she could. “End of story. Don’t worry about anything until you’re better.” He got up to dip a cloth in some cool water. He rung it out and folded it up thinly before placing it on her forehead. “Hopefully this will be okay until morning.”

“You’re very familiar with this illness.”

“Well yeah, I mean we would get sick all the time as kids.”

“You and your brother.”

“Mhm. Tommy and I would take care of each other…because we were all we had.”

Neytiri placed a hand to his cheek, wanting to let him know that she was there for him. She always felt empathetic and sad when he talked about his brother. She knew so much loss, but so did he. At least now, they had each other.

Jake put his hand over hers and locked eyes with her. When they looked at each other, they had a shared understanding. He knew he had her heart. “You should get some rest for now, lets go to bed.”

Jake lifted her up and carried her over to where they slept. She looked up at him in adoration. “Yawne,” she said to him softly. He smiled warmly back at her. After placing her down, he got into bed next to her and opened his arms. “Alright, come get this hot body.”

She smiled and settled into his chest, feeling his heartbeat against her ear. ‘So this is to be loved by him,’ she thought to herself. She surrendered to him and let herself be taken care of, something she was not accustomed to. Heat filled her body, fatigue washing over her. She let her eyelids drift down, now surrendering to the sleep. “Goodnight, my beloved. Thank you for taking such good care of me.” She told him with her eyes still closed.

“Sleep well, my love” he replied. He played with her hair until he felt her breathing slow… fast asleep.

——————————————————————————————

Neytiri opened her eyes to Jake looking down at her. She had slept in his arms all night. She smiled lightly… grateful that he was always there when she woke up.

“You’re finally awake.”

“Hm? How long was I asleep?”

“About 12 hours.”

Neytiri’s eyes widened as she heard this. “What?!”

“Yeah, you were knocked out… which is a good thing. You need rest. How you feeling?” He asked while caressing her cheek.

“My stomach is still upset, but I do feel better than yesterday.”

“Thats good, you think you might be able to have some food? Just something small.”

“I dont really have an appetite but I think I feel well enough to eat.”

“I got you some banana fruit, it should be easy on your stomach.”

“When did you have time to get that?”

Jake peeled the banana and handed it to her. “A few hours ago. I got up and left you here sleeping. You didnt even stir. I came back and you were in the same position I left you in.”

Neytiri nibbled on the fruit as he spoke. She couldn’t believe that she slept that long.

“Oh, and I went and got this from your mom.” He grabbed a small bottle from his pouch. “You have to drink it twice a day to keep your fever down.”

Neytiri thought about how much he had done to care for her, and she was so thankful. “You are a gift sent to me.”

“Uh oh, I think this illness is worsening. You’re talking crazy,” he joked.

But Neytiri was serious. “Believe me when I say this, please.”

Jake sighed. It was always difficult for Jake to hear such kind words from Neytiri. He was forever filled with guilt over what he’d done. But he knew he needed to stop feeling sorry for himself, so he can be a better person for her. “I’ll try.”

This was enough for her to hear for now.

“You feel a little hot right now, so drink up.”

“Yes sir.”

Jake held the bottle up to her lips carefully until she had drank one dose. She grimaced immediately after. “That taste is absolutely horrid. If my mother was not Tsahik, I would have thought it was poison.”

“The strongest warrior I know gets defeated by bad tasting medicine. Thats an interesting concept.”

“Listen Toruk Makto… we all have our weaknesses.”

“You are mine.” He pulled her into a tight hug, not wanting to let go.

[abandoned-ax]

Im on the team pt - 4

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3

Haikyuu x ftm reader

Summery: 1st day of the training camp

When we came back for the longer training camp I was much more relaxed. Last time it was only one night but just a few weeks later and were back. Everyone’s been starting to try new things, I think last training camp had everyone realizing we don’t match up at all. Iv been working with Noya a bit more on receiving and everything a libero does as well as working with Tanaka on spiking. But the most interesting thing Iv been doing is helping Kagayama out, he’s working on a new kind of set and asked me if I would throw for him one day after practice, I was hanging back a bit myself just not wanting to leave the gym and so I decided to help him out. I’m seeing a new side to him I didn’t know, I’m used to seeing him as the perfect setter like he could do anything, but seeing him struggling and frustrated is new. The day before we left for training camp we were practicing his set and he got angrier then I had ever seen him, he threw the ball and shouted.

“Ahhhhhh! Why can’t I get it!”

I’m immediately on the ground trying to figure out what to do to help calm him down, but the only thing I can think of that he likes is volleyball. Sooo

“Kageyama!” He pauses to look at me, “umm I was wondering if you wanted to take a break from your set and maybe help me with mine instead.” I guess that got him to pause since he was now just looking at me, “is just Iv been wanting to work on it for a while now but it’s just, your so good at it and I just wanted to ask for some pointers, and it just seems like you could use a break so.” His breathing has started to even out a bit more, he looks a bit caught off guard.

“Ughh yeah I can do that.” So for the next half hour we worked ok my set, I made sure to praise and complement him on his set to make sure he knew how talented he was, I’m sure working so hard on a set and not being able to get it is really frustrating. After a while we were both tired so we moved to sit down drinking our water in silence.

“Thank you for helping me out, and you know for calming me down.” His voice got quieter as the sentence went on but I understood what he was getting at.

“It’s all good kageyama. I bet it’s frustrating.” He looks over at me and we make eye contact, it’s nice.

“Iv always been able to get it, and I just haven’t had to do something new like that in a while.”

“I know it’s frustrating, and I know I don’t know a lot about volleyball but even I know your one of the most talented players, you’ll get it, it’s just going to take a bit of time.”

“Thanks (Y/N)”

I smile over at him happy I could help in anyway, he pulls out his phone to check the time, “holy shit it’s late.” I look over at his phone and realize it’s 12:30 already!

“Oh wow.” Kagayama looks over at me and we start laughing, both realizing how wild it is that we stayed here for that long, “oh my god our buss to head to training camp is going to be here is like 4 hours!” Kagayama starts laughing louder.

“Holy shut we should head home huh?!” Both of us calm down our giggles before moving to walk home, we walk mostly together till we half to part ways, “well I’ll see you in a few hours Kags.”

He smiles at me a little “yeah I’ll see you in a few hours.” And with that we split ways.

It’s before the sun comes up that we have to be at the busses so naturally everyone is very tired. I meet Tsuki and Yams there but once Kagayama shows up I move over to him, he’s looking through his bag and so I ask “making sure you packed everything?” He look up startled but his gaze softens when he sees it’s me, “yeah after how late we got home last night I didn’t really have time to pack properly.” I giggle at him, “lucky I pack like a week in advance.” He chuckles “maybe I should start doing that to huh.” Coach gives a little speech and tells us all to get on the bus, I was originally planning on sitting wish Tsuki and Yams but they ended up sitting together and Kags asked if I wanted to sit with him so that’s what I did. Not long into the drive I ended up falling asleep with my head on Kagayamas shoulder, and he fell asleep with his on my head. But we were rudely awoken by Daichi “come on idiots were here.” I know I have a massive blush in my face so I get up and move to get off the bus quickly, I hear Daichi chuckle at us but ignore it and move quickly, one off the bus I move to find Tsuki and Yams, “so I see you’ve become friends with the king?” Tsuki says skeptically, “oh shut it Tsuki.” Yams laughs at us as we see Nekoma come out to greet us.

I walk over to where Kenma is talking to Hinata excited to see him again since we talked a bit at the last training camp and he seems super cool, “hey Kenma!” He looks away from Hinata and smiles at me “hey (Y/N), I was just talking to Hinata about the camp.”

“Oh yeah! It’s in a different place, do you know why?” Kenma chuckles at that question “yeah it’s a bigger space and a bit cooler here, but there’s a lot of bugs.”

“Fuck I should have brought bug spray.”

“It’s ok you can use mine if you wanna,” he says smiling a bit.

“Are you sure that would be ok?”

“Yeah I don’t mind!”

“Thanks Kennma.” I smile at him but the moment is cut short by a super tall guy yelling over at Hinata “hey did you grow taller yet?!” The two start bickering and I give Kenma a surprised look,

“that’s Lev, he’s the new kid for us.”

I giggle at the distressed look he gets looking over at the tall kid.

“I’m guessing he’s...a lot.”

“How’d you know?”

“I mean he did interrupt our conversation by yelling at Hinata about his height.” Kenma laughs at that.

“So (Y/N) you play any video games?” Me and Kenma talked the entire walk to Karasanos room, finding we have quite a bit in common, from our love of the same video games to our inability to sleep most nights. He’s nice to talk to, his calm and quiet tone is relaxing to listen to and his more subtle demeanor is cute.

We all put our bags in the room and got ready for our first game today. I didn’t play in the first few, but after a couple they switched me into the libero spot for a while and then I played middle blocker. We aren’t doing too good tho, haven’t won a single game, and after the 8th time doing the run for the loosing team I think I’m gunna die. When the end of the day came around we all collapsed after our last run.

“Ughhh I don’t think I can breath” I hear tanaka yell.

“We lost every game, how’d we lose every game.” Suga asked

We looked into the gym to watch the one game that’s still going, we are nowhere near that level. Daichi sits up and says he’s going to work on the synchronized attack, so everyone started to scatter.

I look over and see Tsuki walking away from the gym most of our team was using and Yams yells over at him “you aren’t going to practice Tsuki?” Tsuki turns around “no, we practice enough already.” And starts walking away, I knew Yams was probably itching to go practice his serve so I tell him, “go, I’ll follow the giraffe.” He smiles gratefully at me and I starts chasing after the blond boy.

“Tsuki wait up!” He doesn’t turn around so I start running faster till I catch up with him. “ughhh why are your legs so long!”

“There not that long yours are just short.”

We pause for a moment, it’s awkward. Me and Tsuki have never had an awkward moment, I don’t like it.

“Aren’t you going to practice?”

“No, we do that enough, everyday for hours we practice, I’m done for the night.”

I’m so lost on what to do at this point, I want him to come practice but I can’t force him too,

“Hey glasses kid,” I hear a voice say and turn around Tsuki stopping in his place, “oh and (Y/N)” it’s Kuroo from Nekoma.

“You guys wanna come practice with us? We could use another blocker!” I look over to Tsuki hopefully, maybe this will be the opportunity to get him motivated. Tsuki looks up and with the fakest smile on his face he says “sorry, I’m all done for the night.”

Kuroo and one of the other guys I think from Fukurodani are both appalled by his response,

“You know he may not look it but he’s one of the top 5 aces is Japan.”

The owl looking guy stands up taller and puffs out his chest looking proud. It’s cute!

“Yeah I think he’s still upset he’s not in the top 3 anymore.” I chuckle, there fun, you can tell they all joke around a lot.

“Well I’m in.” I say walking up to the gym and yelling back at Tsuki “don’t make me do this alone.” The three others stay in the door continuing to try and convince Tsuki to join.

I’m walking through but jump when I her “oh hi” from the floor, looking down it’s the tall kid who was talking to Hinata earlier. He looks like a baby dear before it can walk!

“What happened to you?”

“Kuroo did.” I laugh back at him. He sits up more going over to sit agains the wall and I move to sit next you him.

“Your a first year right? How long have you been playing?” A guy like him is clearly a powerhouse, I assume he’s been playing for years.

“Oh I just started!” He says with a goofy grin on his face,

“You just started!!”

“Hey! How long have you been playing!” He says in an amusing accusatory tone

“Well, I kinda just started too!”

“Haha were tied.” I smile over at him, he looks kinda intimidating but he certainly doesn’t act it as he giggles at our interaction. I think back to when I first saw him earlier he was with Kennma, I wonder where he is?

“Hey your on the team with Kennma right, I just talked to him earlier today and haven’t seen him around much since?”

“Oh Kennma?” I hear Kuroo yell jogging over to us “he went to go play some video games, he’s not really the type that needs to practice, nor do I think we could get him too!” He chuckles.

“Oh that reminds me! Did you get Tsuki to join?”

Kuroo gets a cocky smile on his face looking over his shoulder to see Tsuki looking angry. I get up but before I Kuroo I say “great, you made our tall guy with glasses angry.” I laugh at him sarcastically, he laughs back loudly and we go to start our first practice game of many.

An: hey guys sorry it’s been too long, I’m currently thinking I’ll make this a Kenma x Reader X Kuroo or maybe a Tsuki X reader not sure yet!! Let me know what you think!!!

[petboymart]

ok ur gonna like hate me because now i’m on a petboy kick. i’m sorry in advance

ok so imagine like working/volunteering at a petboy petting zoo this is off the a rough start jesus and you have all kinds of petboys including sweet gentle bull!ushijima, who likes you very much, and because of covid or some other reason the petting zoo shut down, and the workers are all taking in any pets that they can because they don’t want them to go to bad homes, they hold an adoption fair for the animals who couldn’t be taken.

and then the only one left is sweet bull!ushijima whos just so big that it would be hard for families or people with small houses to take him in. and you would rather die than let him go to an unloving home. so you walk over to tell him that you’re talking him and he’s just sitting in his pin, cris cross apple sauce, hunched over, playing with his hands, looking so sad because no one wanted to adopt him. and if you weren’t sure before, you’re sure as FUCK positive now.

so you open his gate, and his head shoots up, his little cow bell jingles, and he sees that it’s you and kind of deflates because he thinks that you’re there to tell him that he’s going to some breeding farm, and when you try to get him up, he pushes you off and curls more into the corner, and your like toshi what are you doing i’m trying to get you to my car? and he’s like i don’t want to go to a farm. and then your like baby you’re not going to a farm, i’m taking you to my house with me. and if that baby didn’t SHOOT to his fucking feet and latch onto your arm.

so you get him home, and you learn very quickly that you can NOT have breakable things on tables, walls, or the floor because he will nock into them on accident. he’s very clean, always picks up after himself. and he always feels so guilty when he breaks things, and you just reassure him because they’re just material things toshi they’re replaceable.

and you end up having to get a bigger bed because your full is NOT enough room for you and him, so you get a california king just so that you have extra room if you need it, but somehow every night he ends up pulling you on top of him and nuzzling into your neck.

he’s such a sweetheart, whenever you come home from work he always takes your coat, or your purse and says a quiet and deep welcome home, and then he shows you everything that he did that day in hopes that you’ll praise him and you always do. he looks at you with nothing but love and adoration in his eyes.

you don’t eat beef, for obvious reasons, and you kind of stop eating meat all together because he makes vegetarian meals for himself that are actually very good. and once he learns that you like his cooking, he starts having dinner ready for when you come home, and he starts packing you a lunch for work. he just loves you so much and he’s so happy you took him in so he wants to do nice things for you.

he tells you that he loves you every morning when you wake up, every time you leave the house, every time you come back to the house, every night at dinner, every night before bed, and some random ones sprinkled here and there.

like all animals he gets ruts/heats, but even with the pain he’s in he doesn’t want to ask that of you. you haven’t had sex yet! what if you think that he’s using you for your body!

and then you come home, and he doesn’t greet you like he normally does so you’re like wtf. so you look around for him and you find him humping your pillow on your bed while sucking on a dirty pair of underwear. and he’s so lost in pleasure that he doesn’t hear you walk up to him.

he feels a hand run down his chest and he whines before his eyes snap open and he looks wide-eyed at you. he scrambles to cover himself up, but ends up falling off the bed, so you crouch down, remove the panties from his mouth, and ask him toshi, do you need help with your rut? and he just slowly nods at you because as much as he doesn’t want you to think that he’s using you, it hurts so bad.

so you get him back on the bed and he sits as still as he can while watching you take your clothes off, then you crawl on the bed and kiss him while reaching for and stroking his cock a few times before he just loses it.

he flips you over to you face down ass up under him, he shoves two fingers in your pussy to prep you a little, because he’s massive, and then he just shoves his cock in.

he pounds you into the mattress for hours, the sheets are soaked with your tears, sweat, and cum. his little bell jingles with every thrust. he want to breed you, wants to make little calfs with you, he tells you over and over again. and you’re so fucked out that you can’t do anything but lay there and take it.

by the time he’s tired out, you can’t count the number of times that you came, or how many times he came. and once he comes to his senses he starts crying because he feels so guilty! i didn’t want our first time to be like that! i’m so sorry! and of course you comfort him and tell him that you really enjoyed it, and you love him, and you would love to do it again. and he calms right down.

so from then on his new routine is wake you up by eating you out, then fuck you while telling you that he loves you, get up, make breakfast and pack your lunch while you collect yourself and get ready for work, eat breakfast with you, send off with another i love you, your lunch, and a kiss, clean the house and do the laundry while you’re gone, make dinner and finish just in time for you to come home, greet you at the door with another i love you, an i missed you, and a kiss, eat dinner, fuck you to sleep while telling you he loves you and repeat.

-✌️

yes.......

mmmmmqjdkjaofuwidudi

my brain is gunna shut down for this one

he he he

AGAJHDIWHOFUWIFJSIF

cowbell and pierced nips

thank yew very much

[nachotrash]

ANOTHER EDITION OF INCORRECT QUOTES

ft: @catchmewiddershins @paradise-creator @elektrosonix @lilikags @todd-the-phrog and my irl bestie

Lili: I think I'm falling for you.

Anna: Then get up.

Anna: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.

Pauline: Screw that, I’m not kissing any of you.

*Wid walks in*

Pauline: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.

Sara: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreashing.

Wid: Are you a software update? because not right now.

Isamu: Is something burning?

Wid, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.

Isamu: Wid, the toaster is literally on fire.

Isamu: *seductively takes off glasses*

Isamu: Wow...

Anna: *blushes* Haha... what?

Isamu: You're really fucking blurry.

Anna: Any questions?

Wid: Uh, yeah, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

Anna: Uh, a plan, duh...

Shiyu: Wid, chill, I know it’s weird, but Anna has a point.

Wid:

Wid: THAT WAS LITERALLY A PONY DOODLE WITH A HAT!!

Wid: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Sara!

Sara: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.

Lili: I'm not that stupid!

Shiyu: Lili, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.

Lili: ANNA TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

Isamu: *visiting the squad* Hello, I just came to-

Isamu: *sees Sara shoving Shiyu into the washing machine while Anna records and Wid watches*

Isamu: *retreating* Something suddenly came up.

Shiyu: I failed my safety training course today.

Lili: Why, what happened?

Shiyu: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?"

Lili: And?

Shiyu: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.

Lili: How would you like your coffee?

Wid: As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Lili, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

Wid: It’s time to turn this into a real business.

Shiyu: What do you mean? Like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes?

Anna: Wait, have you not been paying your taxes?

Sara: I handle our accounting.

(no but this is actually me)

Sara: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed of the souls of the living I strike fear into-

Anna: You sleep with a teddybear.

Sara: He’s my sECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!

Lili: You are an absolute fucking dork.

Anna, singing: Yeah, but I'm your dork!

Lili: *sighs* Yeah, you're my dork.

Lili: Guys, I didn’t memorize my lines!

Isamu: Just use your lack of common sense! Everyone knows the characters in plays are dumb as fuck!

*During the play*

Pauline: Hey! You finally made it! Did you get the donuts?

Lili: W-what’re donuts?

Pauline: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-

Anna: A doll.

Isamu: A cinnamon roll.

Lili: A sweetheart.

Pauline:

Pauline: ...stop it.

Pauline: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.

Wid: Aren't you forgetting something?

Pauline: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Wid's forehead before running out.*

Wid: No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

Pauline: Why should I make my bed, when I'm just gunna unmake it to sleep in it anyways?

Anna: Why should I feed you if your just gunna die anyways?

Pauline:

Pauline: I'll go make my bed-

Lili: Yo dumbass, get over here.

Shiyu: Okay-

Anna: *gleefully runs past* I’m coming!

Shiyu, sadly: I thought... I was dumbass...

Shiyu: That shirt looks great, Sara.

Sara: Thanks.

Shiyu: But I bet it would look even better on Lili's floor.

Lili: Are you hitting on Sara... for me?

Pauline: I dare you-

Lili: Isamu is not allowed to accept dares anymore.

Pauline: Why not?

Isamu: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

Pauline: Dearly Beloved, we are here today to remember Isamu, taken from us in the prime of life; when they were crushed by a runaway semi, driven by the Incredible Hulk.

Isamu: Aww, you knew my favorite cause of death.

Lili: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?

Wid, whispering: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?

Sara, whispering: Because I have little hands.

Wid: Because they have little hands.

Anna: I’ve made a spread sheet of all the crime in Brooklyn.

Anna: There’s so much crime in New York, no one should live here.

Lili: Pros and cons of dating me.

Lili: Pros. You'll be the cute one.

Lili: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

Shiyu: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.

Pauline: The cow??

Shiyu: What?

Isamu: Pauline, W H Y?

Lili: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?

Sara: For the dogs.

Wid: Why are your tongues purple?

Isamu, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?

Shiyu: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen.

Isamu: Is this your plan B?

Lili: What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don’t get along?

Sara: Hey, no, you stay out of this, this is between me and Isamu!

Anna: Truth or dare?

Isamu: How many children do you have?

Isamu, tearing up the room: Where are they?

Sara, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?

Isamu: I failed my safety training course today.

Pauline, watching Isamu and Sara fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt?

(ok but this is kinda accurate)

Isamu: Do you want some tea?

Pauline: I have an idea.

Wid: When I was a kid, Isamu told me that the paper strip that’s in the chocolate kisses were edible and I ate them with the chocolate for a year.

Pauline: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??

Shiyu: What's wrong with you?

Wid: I intend to stay pissed at you forever.

Anna, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.

Anna, holding a rock: Isamu just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock".

Anna: What do you have?

Pauline: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.

Lili: Alright, listen up you little shits.

Anna: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!

Pauline: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed my car?

Sara: How stupid do you think I am?!

Pauline: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed of the souls of the living I strike fear into-

Lili: I'm going the fight the next person who insults Pauline.

Lili: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?

Anna: I wanna die.

Shiyu: Are you sure this is safe?

Wid: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Isamu: The time to act is now.

Isamu: Shiyu won’t wake up, what do I do?

Isamu: Why doesn’t Pauline find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Wid: Anna's first detention, I'm so proud.

Pauline: She's the girl of my dreams!

(and now, an only ship edition)

Pauline: So, are you two dating now?

Anna: I didn't drink that much last night.

Anna: Did you know you remind me of all 26 letters of the alphabet?

Shiyu: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash.

Isamu: *sees Anna and Pauline together*

Pauline: Two years ago, I married my best friend.

Anna: Well, remember when Lili made a romantic dinner for me?

Isamu: Sara, let’s go!

Anna: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Wid: Is this your plan B?

Shiyu: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!

Lili: I find it very unseemly of Shiyu to start dating again. Isn't the customary period of mourning 10 years?

Shiyu: Hey, Pauline? Can I get some dating advice?

Shiyu: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...

Isamu: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.

Anna: Guys, my friend here is bilingual.

Sara: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Anna: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Shiyu: Isamu kissed me!

Sara: Ooh, somebody has a crush

Lili: *sees Anna and Shiyu together*

*playing twister*

Wid: So, what is Shiyu to you?

Shiyu: Why are your tongues purple?

[editorialsonlife]

Well

Welp, feeling like doing an update because there's been a lot going on to be honest. its one of those weird dichotomies where every day feels like an eternity and there's so much going on and then you look back and you're like oh, ok its just my brain making it difficult and making things take forever but anyway.

LOCKDOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN

Lockdown life was good, apart from being thrust into it so suddenly dave left a banana on his desk. Wasn't great to come back to after 5 weeks out of the office - mummified mouldy banana!! Classic. We luckily got our first jab before lockdown started so that was good, and we were reasonably well stocked up on food and were generally a lot healthier this lockdown that last. honestly, there's a level of chill and serenity in lockdown that i just love. the ability to set my own schedule and only work the hours I actually work to get the job done? Amazing. getting 8.5 hours of sleep each night without having to wake to an alarm blaring? AMAZING. getting to go for walks every afternoon? SO FLIPPING GOOD. I love it so much, I really really do. I need this to be my life permanently.

WORK

Work is just ongoing and draining and honestly, coming back to the office was so fucking stressful and it was only one day. Being at home is just the fucking bomb. Pending home decisions, I wanna go contracting I think, but also ideally two part time contracts to have more flexibility? I dunno. You'd think a big 4 would provide variety but it really doesn't and honestly, with Richie leaving, wellington is just a sinking ship. Sean's off on parental leave, Kirstyn is down to four days a week, ben will be gone if he doesn't get promoted (and I don't think he will be tbh). Jack is just muddling along, Nigel wants to swap to consulting as well, Matt's going to be a shit leader in terms of bringing in work so it's just not going to work. and in our wider group it's going to get even more messy with heaps of the analysts leaving and a couple of senior hires too. so I think it's probably time to jump ship in general, pending the home stuff below. Also, coming back after a break again, I'm like, I don't actually like a lot of you? All the people I enjoy here are in other teams and groups, and I'll be sad to leave you all, but like, not enough to stay anyway lol.

Pending the home below, two options are to just going and get a job with a $30k payrise to make up for the maternity leave benefits I'm gunna leave behind when I leave this role - 18 weeks full pay, $100 a week for the first year back and a full year of maternity leave. It's basically 30k post tax which is a bit nuts to walk away from to be honest.

Otherwise the other option is to go contracting. Less security overall but holy shit so much money. If I went in as a project coordinator at the lowest rate to build up a bit of a portfolio I'd need to work 40 weeks of 40 hr weeks and Id basically match my current salary plus the lost family leave benefits and still qualify for govt maternity leave payments. Realistically I could go in as a project manager for $140 an hour ($60 more an hour than the above math) and absolutely smash it at that level as well so ya know, there's a bunch of other info. I like the idea of the flexibility of it and only having 6 months even if its a shitshow and beign able to walk away at the end of it. I really don't want to get a govt job and this is a v govt town which is fine but also, if I can avoid it that would be great. I just know I'm not gunna thrive in that environment.

Need to talk to Dave to get him across the line on the security issue part of that though. I've mostly come a long way in terms of my financial management (thanks YNAB) so I think he'd be ok with it mostly.

So there's a lot to toss up there because......

HOME

We got the reno plans done during lockdown, finally. which was super good. but holy fkn jesus $$$$$$ ++++++++++. The guy is coming around for the final quote on Thursday. We indicatively said $100k total because we're doing kitchen laundry bathroom and toilet. so only the most expensive rooms and when I was talking to him last week he said 'that might cover it' and they're seeing cost escalations of 7-10% a week which is just insane. we're not doing anything structural apart from putting in a cavity slider in the bathroom, and the quote they'll give us won't include flooring since they won't do it.

Meanwhile, the prefab homes I were looking at for our site were $425k fully done. Like, I'm not going to spend $130K on doing up my 1940s ex state house ya know? That's not good cost benefit ratio.

So depending on what that comes out at on thursday we'll be able to make some plans.

We also want to start trying for kids next year and need these renos done first - I am not having kids and no dishwasher lol.

Also we need bank financing so good to be in a permanent stable job for that application. the good thing is we have so much equity we know we can borrow whatever we need, I just don't want to spend that much money on it because it's fkn ridiculous. and if I'm going on maternity leave we need to be able to cover it all on dave's salary and whatever benefits I have as well so there;s a lot of financial planning and spreadsheeting going on at the moment lol. it's fab.

either way. we've got plenty of options up our sleeve. we've got friends who's brother owns a building company so we can talk to them, we've got the garage so we can get things prefabricated even if they're not installed til next year, Dave can get shit at cost through his work for whiteware, there;s plenty of things to like cost control we can do, we just need to know where we're starting from basically. thats the challenging part. but we'll figure it out, its just taking longer than I want it to basically.

We also planted up the vege garden for the spring/summer which was lovely, super jazzed about that. we've finally got the garden to a reasonably low maintenance level where everything is mostly under control and it's such a relief, honestly.

PERSONAL

Man what a shift to lockdown last year honestly. I think the last 8 weeks in particular has just been like, a massive reality check of how absolutely shit the last year was and how fucking glad I am to be rid of it. I spent a week absolutely spiralling 2 weeks ago now and honestly, I don't know how I lived in the state for more than a year. I actually don't know how I did it. and I could not be more glad that I'm finally on the other side of it, for the most part. There's still a bunch of other stuff to work through (hahahahahaha when is there not like damn) but fucking hell its nice to just not be anxious and nauseous and wound up constantly. life is actually accessible. miracle.

My workmate had his bebe - I went round and got newborn cuddles and was like, oh, is this what it is to be clucky? this is odd. so there's that as well. I think we'll probably start trying next year pending renos and jobs etc. If the renos can be done in jan I'll prob just stick it at the job to get the benefits but I dunno. it's a tough call to make really. we shall see. This all assumes we get knocked up without any issues which is questionable these days. I really want to feel healthier before getting pregnant as well, and part of that is losing weight. however, given discussing that is what triggered the spiral we're working on that one slowly.

Also, lets have a moment for counselling, because fkn bless anne and all her hard work honestly. I actually ended up emailing her being like, I;m losing my shit on the monday and then talked to her on thursday. And its so funny because it's such a counselling thing but I didn't realise until afterwards what she'd done but she was like you're clearly not doing well and then the night before dave got a fkn miserable migraine and he was up for like, 2 hrs powerchucking except he didn't make it to the bathroom in time so guess who was cleaning up vomit at 130am trying not to chuck herself but I digress. anyway, not doing well, couldn't even explain why, didn't even have words and super tired and she's like, what lynaire up to this week how's she going with izzy and chat about that and then be like how are you feeling about your body and then 5 more mins of chat about the cat and the chickens and then like bam hard question and then hows it going with x and y and z and its like, it wasn't til I was on my walk afterwards when I FINALLY started feeling marginally better I was like damn woman work your magic for figuring it out for me and helping me reregulate. all over the phone as well since we were still in lockdown. GREAT WORK FRIEND.

and then last week was like totally fucked theoretical discussion about religion and the role it's played in my life and fate vs free will and all this nutty shit but genuinely just a great discussion. She's the best and I love her. thank good for good counsellors. thank god I can afford to pay for it honestly.

Dave and I are just chugging along, god bless that man. I love him. its amazing. I miss having friends close by but understand why they had to move (boooooo f u house prices). Family is pretty chill, still not really talking to dave's parents which is nightmarish but we'll deal with that when we need to. gunna have to go and visit them at some point coz dave misses them and I feel for him, I really do. It's the whole boundaries renegotiation I went through with my family last year post wedding blow up and its just not a fun place to be. oh well. can't fix it for him but also I'm not putting up with that level of BS from either of our families once we have children. not gunna happen.

Either way, life is busy and full and fun and I'm enjoying it. Daylight savings starts this weekend too, its october next week WTF and I'm just waiting for 4pm to find out what's gunna happen to our girls trip. Clearly we cancelled our sept trip to christchurch and akaroa and hanmer springs so my covid travel curse continues. fkn ridic. Still dunno what we're gunna do with $2500 of flight credits coz if we get knocked up theres def no international trips happening any time soon.

thus concludes the almost 2000 word write up of life. hope you've enjoyed it. I'll throw up some pics in a separate post if people care about reno plans. such a good time!

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Meant To Be: Part 10

Pairings: Past Machine Gun Kelly x Reader, Opie x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, drug use, cheating

Word Count: 4,935

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A loud screech directly in front of your face jolted you from your nap, followed by toddler strength slap to your cheek, and a second screech.

“Child, what the actual fuck?” You groaned as you opened your eyes and watched Opie try to wrestle Gage into a diaper while your son continued to screech, laugh his butt off, and squirm with all his might to get away.

“Sorry. He is just not having anything of it...”

“Gage Michael!” You barked as you threw the blanket off of you and sat up. “This is not naked baby time! Naked baby time is after your bath...”

“Oh... um... I kinda had to spray him down?” Opie said hesitantly as he looked up at you. “You were out, and I heard him giggling so I was gunna take him outside to play on the swings so you could sleep a little more, but he was covered in shit, and... well I didn’t really know what to do so I just hosed him off in the bath and used the towel...”

“Then let him go for a bit.” You sighed with a nod. “It’s fine. Saves me a step before bed, but you should have woke me up. You didn’t have to do all that.”

“Yea, well you looked tired as hell.” He said as he set the clean diaper down on the coffee table as you both watched your son take off too push his dump truck popper toy around your living room, as happy as can be in his birthday suit. “And the kid fucking reeked.”

“That happens.” You laughed as you stretched your back out. “Time’s it?”

“Four thirty.” He said as he moved his foot out of the way for the toy. “And I’m just gunna fucking do what I should have done a decade ago and see if I can take you both to dinner tonight. My treat. I know a place by the beach, we can sit, and watch sunset if that’s not to late for him.”

“You don’t care that I literally just got out of a relationship and am currently knocked up?”

“OK one, does it look like I care, and two, can you really call that a relationship or just a toxic partnership?”

“Look, he may be a toxic, cheating, drug addicted scum bag, but he did give me two children and a lot of good memories, too.”

“And I respect that. But let me ask you this. Is the life you had with him the life you really see yourself raising your kids in long term?” He paused for a moment to let that question sink in, before he crossed his feet on the floor and leaned forward to rest his arms on his bent legs. “Look, you know me well enough to know I don’t fuck around with women I’m not serious about. I also know you well enough to know that you don’t like being alone. And I know that if you don’t move on, you’ll go back to him, and I couldn’t live with myself if I waited around for you to see your own self worth only to lose you to him again before that’s happened. So, I’ll ask again. No expectations. You wanna go to dinner tonight?” You groaned and covered your face with both your hands as you fell back into your couch.

“I hate that you know me so well!” You whined as you sat up and looked over at him with a shake of your head. “This better be the best mother fucking restaurant in the fucking world cause I’ll be really fucking pissed if our first date sucks...”

“It’s food truck city. You’ll have plenty of options to pick from and they’re all good.”

“The fuck is food truck city?!”

“It’s by the beach.” He repeated with his eyebrow raised. “How have you not seen it when you go to the beach?”

“Because I don’t go to the beach.” You giggled with a shake of your head. “I had a pool in my back yard...”

“OK, get the fuck up.” He laughed as he got off the floor with a giant smile on his face. “We’re fixing this problem right fucking now. I’m gunna go grab my other shorts from the truck and I’ll help you get your little nudist into a suit after. This is fucking ridiculous.”

“God, just as dramatic as ever!” You called out as you stood up to grab your child. “Come on, bubba. Opie’s gunna show you what the beach is all about.” With surprisingly very little coercing, you got your son in a swim diaper and a bathing suit, packed a small beach bag, and changed into a suit yourself in under twenty minutes. You let Opie drive your car so you didn’t have to move the car seat and so you could cover your kid in sun screen, and just when you were about to ask him about parking, he pulled into a house a couple blocks from the beach.

“Is this your place?” You asked as you leaned forward to look at the stunning house.

“Buddy of mine married a doctor.” He said with a shake of his head. “I use his driveway and save myself the parking fees as payment for photographing his wedding for half what I usually charge.”

“Do you have to go up...?”

“Nah, they’re both at work.” He said as he got out of the car with you and pulled open the back door to get Gage. “I already called him.”

“I got the stroller.” You started as you put the beach bag on your shoulder, but he shook his head.

“I got him.” He said as he shut the back door and moved Gage to his shoulders. “See, that view is much better.” He said over your son’s peels of laughter. “Can you carry my camera.”

“Oh, my God please do not drop my kid!” You laughed as you shouldered his bag and nervously reached up to keep Gage in place.

“Really? You think I’m gunna, what? Drop him on his head or something?” He laughed as he looked over at you, before faking a worried look and lifting Gage’s leg a couple inches. “Whoa... whoa!”

“Harry Winston, don’t even play!”

“She remembers the full name.” He chuckled as he lead you down the street. “Impressive.”

“Shut up.” You huffed as you whacked his arm and glanced up at your son again, who was curiously looking around at his new view of the world. “Wait, stop for a second.” You said as you grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop beside you. “He’s in awe right now.”

“It’s a pretty good view from up here.” He teased as he adjusted his grip on Gage’s legs. “Like right now, I have a killer view of this gorgeous pair of tits.”

“You’re unbelievable.” You laughed as you took a couple pictures of the two of them. “All I get is a beard.”

“That’s cause you’re short.” He pointed out as the three of you kept walking down to the beach. You gasped and fake pouted for a moment as he laughed at his own joke, but when he pouted his bottom lip out at you, your heart skipped a beat.

“Is it bad that I wish you hadn’t listened to my brother?”

“Our worlds would be a lot different, that’s for sure. I never would have moved to this hell hole town.”

“And I wouldn’t be bringing ten tons of emotional baggage with me.” You sighed as you crossed the road beside him.

“I’m not afraid of a little baggage.” He said as you stopped at a corner to cross the main road. “Especially when I know the girl carrying it. Not the girl she’s been trying to be, but the real deal, Southern born and bred, trash talkin’, gun shootin’, hunting in camo instead of going to church on Sunday morning girl.”

“You’re gunna make me start cryin’ again.” You pointed out as you followed him to the first of roughly a half dozen food trucks by the beach.

“Well, you can’t pick out something to eat if you are, so I suggest you stop and pick something.” He said as he took Gage off his shoulders and put him on his hip. “What about you, little man? What sounds good to you tonight? Uh huh. Yea, I think so, too. Uh huh...” A smile spread back across your face as Opie listened and chatted with Gage, pointing out different colorful things for him to look at and talking to him as if he was his best friend and not a one year old.

“Oh, my God. Fried Okra.” You said as you stopped in front of the second to last truck with a shake of your head. “I haven’t had fried okra in years.”

“Fried okra it is.” Opie said with a smile as he stepped over and got in line. “What else you thinking? Their southern mac is pretty spot on, too.”

“He’ll definitely like the mac.” You said with a nod as you stayed close, but far enough away to see the menu on the side. “Fuck, I don’t know. I want a little of everything.”

“Then we split a bunch of shit.” He said with a shrug. “My favorite is their shrimp and grits or their biscuits and gravy...”

“OK, you’re making the pregnant girl even more hungry than she was five minutes ago.” You laughed as you moved back over to his side. “But I’m down to splitting a couple things.”

“We’ll take one of everything for Opie.” He requested the second he walked up to the window. “No kick for the kid on the side of grits. And a beer, a large sweet tea, and what for little man?”

“I’ll do a water and a fruit punch for him. He’ll like that.”

“Alright bud, can you hand her the money?” Opie asked as he handed Gage a fifty, turned him toward the counter, and pointed at the lady. “You gotta share. Can you give it to her?” She ‘aww’ed’ at your son as Opie gently pushed his hand toward the window so the woman at the register could reach it, and he cheered for him when he let go of the payment, which made your pride and joy laugh and clap his hands excitedly.

“He’s adorable.” The woman said as she got Ope’s change.

“He’s his mother’s son in the looks department, that’s for sure.” Opie said with a glance over at you. “Keep the change, hun.”

“Thank you so much! We’ll call your name when it’s ready.” With a nod of his head, he put his hand on the small of your back and led you over to a half empty group of stone picnic tables. He grabbed one closest to the sand, and sat you down on one side of the bench facing the water to hand you Gage.

“Hey.” He said softly before he went back to get the food. You hummed and looked up at him as you situated your son on your lap, and he smiled for a half second before leaning down to kiss you. “Didn’t feel like waiting until the end of the date.”

“You are just trouble, mister.” You said as you reached out and grabbed his shirt before he could walk away. “I like it.”

“Oh, I’ve always been trouble.” He growled as he leaned down to kiss you again. “And you better fucking love it.”

“I do.” You confirmed as he turned and walked back up to the truck to get your food. You set up what you needed for Gage and looked up at Ope as he set the full tray of food down on the table. You both got an absolute kick watching your son fall in love with butter grits, and surprisingly, not the homemade mac and cheese you expected him to love, but you both about died laughing at the horrified look he made when he tried and quickly spit out the okra.

“It’s an acquired taste, bubba.” You laughed as you gave him some more grits to make it all better. Just like Opie had promised, there were no other expectations from the date, other than to just enjoy your evening. He took care of the bags as you helped Gage explore the new environment; snapping a few photos of quick range of emotions the child felt as he stood in sand for the first time, and documenting his sheer joy at the cold waves of the Pacific Ocean. And then his up close presence changed to one from afar as you played as a mother to a little boy, who didn’t also have to keep an eye on your troublesome ex for the first time in a long time.

You took your time building a small sand castle by the shore line just so Gage could smash it all down when you were finished, and you taught him how to chase after the seagulls like all little boys should do. You helped him pick out the best shells to bring to Opie as gifts, who put them all in his pocket as if they were his new prized possessions, and showed him how to gently return a starfish to the water where he lived. You sat in the shallow water with him standing between your thighs to get him to laugh every time a wave washed over your laps, and pointed out the surfers and the setting sun, which he was not that interested in, until he finally just collapsed in your arms in sheer exhaustion and passed out. 

“You wanna take him home?” Opie asked as he sat up and put his camera away when you walked over with Gage fast asleep on your shoulder.

“In a little bit.” You said as you used his shoulder to sit down in the sand beside him. “I haven’t sat and watched the sunset in years.” You glanced over at his nod and took the towel he was handing you to wrap your son up. “Will you stay tonight? I don’t want this night to end yet.”

“Absolutely.” He said with a nod as he draped your towel over your shoulders. “It’d make my day ten times better.”

“Mine, too.” You agreed as you leaned over into his side with a sigh, realizing for the first time that this date didn’t feel forced the way the one and only date with Colson did. “Thank you.”

“Any time, sweetheart.” He said softly as he scooted closer and wrapped his arm around your waist. “Any time.”

——

“Wait, you’re back?!” Your old agent, Shawn, nearly shouted. “Like back, back. Like taking work...”

“I’m back.” You said over him as you made breakfast for you and Opie while Gage babbled incoherently to his French toast stick pieces and cut up grapes. “But tell who ever that I’m sixteen weeks pregnant. But I don’t give a shit if it’s TV or a modeling gig or what, I just need something.”

“OK, you said sixteen weeks pregnant?” He clarified as he took notes, when a phone call beeped in on your other line.

“Yea, just hit four months.” You confirmed with a nod as you looked at Colson’s ID picture. You ignored the call and hit a quick text letting him know you’d call him back, which only made him call you back immediately anyways. “So not super showing yet, but if you squint, you can see it.”

“OK, I know for a fact Inked wants you.” He said as Colson called back yet again, which made Opie reach out to send the call to voicemail for you. “Inked has wanted you for months, I just didn’t know whether you wanted to come back after everything or not.”

“Yea, I wanna be back.” You sighed as you served up breakfast plates while a splash of regret washed over you. “Just don’t wanna think about my past shit anymore. Trying to move on, you know?”

“Right, of course. Well, let me make some calls. I know people have been in touch the past two years to see if you were taking jobs or not, but I gotta see if too much time has passed...”

“Just tell them I’m down for anything but porn.” You said as Colson called back a fourth time. “Keep me posted, I got another call.” You handed Ope his plate and hit answer with an annoyed growl. “Dude, I am on the fucking phone!”

“Yea, well when I see fucking pictures of my son and my girl at the beach with some other guy  first thing when I get off the fucking plane, I’m gunna blow your shit up ‘til I find out what the fuck is going on!”

“I’m not your fucking girl anymore, Kels!” You shouted back as you threw your pan in the sink. “That was your mother fucking choice. And I made a choice based off your stupid fucking choices, too. Now can I eat my breakfast in peace...”

“Where’s my kid?” He demanded over the sound of his car door slamming shut. “I wanna see my kid.”

“He’s eating breakfast, I’ll FaceTime you...”

“Tell me where my Goddamn kid is now, or I will put out a fucking warrant for kidnapping!” He shouted over you, which made Opie jump to his feet when he saw the sheer rage flash in your eyes.

“Mother fucker, I will drag your Goddamn name through the fucking mud if you so much as think of putting a warrant out on me ever again, do you hear me, bitch?! Don’t you fucking dare threaten me...”

“Easy...” Opie breathed in your ear as he stood against your back and took the second frying pan from your hand while Gage started to scream. “Easy, baby girl. You’re pregnant...”

“Tell me where my son is, and I won’t fucking have to!” Colson shouted back as Opie gently grabbed your wrists and crossed them over your stomach. Your whole body started to shake as you fought the conflicting feelings in your mind, and you teared up as you took a shuttering breath to respond.

“555 Whipper Willow Court.”

“I’ll be there in 30.” He barked before hanging up the phone, and you instantly dissolved into tears.

“I hate him.” You sobbed as Ope lowered you to your knees on the vinyl plank wood floor.

“I know, sweetheart.” He said with a nod.

“I need to find a lawyer.” You gasped as you stood up quickly and grabbed your phone. “Fuck, I gotta get ahold of that guy before he does.”

“OK, well I’m gunna head out for a bit...”

“No, please stay.” You said as you looked up at him with a desperate shake of his head. “He’s never hit me before but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t hit walls near me when we’re both going at it.”

“Then I’m not going anywhere.” He stated simply with a single nod. “I’ll clean up little man and take him out back while you call, OK? We got time.”

“Opie...” You said as your phone call to the lawyer that did your custody case with your mom started to ring through on speaker. He paused to turn around to look at you as you started to tear up again. “Thank you.”

“Of course, baby girl. I’d do anything for the three of you.”

“Adam Gracey’s office, Nicole speaking.”

“Nicole, it’s (Y/N) (Y/L/N). I need to schedule an urgent appointment with Mr. Gracey today to file for primary or even full custody...”

“I’m sorry Ms. (Y/L/N), Mr. Gracey is leaving today at...”

“It can’t wait.” You interrupted as you took the call off speaker and put the phone up to your ear with a shaky hand. You took a deep breath, knowing there was no other way than then truth you had tried so hard to manipulate in your favor just a month before in this situation, and exhaled forcefully. “We’re going through a horrible break-up and I don’t trust my ex around me right now, and I’m pregnant with our second. And even though I got clean two years ago, I’m worried he’ll try to use that against me to take my kids into an absolutely toxic environment without me in it to protect them from his lifestyle because he still uses drugs. Please... please, I’m begging you. I need to get the paperwork in before he does. Please. I know how this looks right now, but please...” Nicole stayed silent on the other end of the line for a moment, before you heard your lawyer’s voice faintly in the background.

“I remember them. Call the jet and push it back to four. Tell her to be here at one on the dot, or I’ll have to leave...”

“Oh, thank God.” You gasped as relief washed over you and took a giant weight off your shoulders. “Thank you, I’ll be there on time, I promise. Thank you so much.”

“We’ll see you at one, Ms. (Y/L/N).” Nicole said with a smile in her tone before she hung up to answer the next call.

“Does that smile mean you beat him to the lawyer?” Opie asked as he came out of the downstairs bathroom with your de-syruped son.

“He’s squeezing me in at one.” You said with a nod as you looked over at him. “You got him for a minute?”

“Yep. We’re gunna go out and swing a while, right little man?”

“I’ll be out in a minute.” You said with a nod. After locking the front door so Colson couldn’t just walk right in, you ran upstairs to double check the safety net of cash you had been squirreling away since you found out you were pregnant with Gage. It was small, considering it was mainly just all of your paychecks from working at the farm stand for a few months, some money your dad had secretly gave you when you dropped him off at the airport, and what was left in your savings account when you moved back home, but it was better than nothing since your current bank account didn’t look much better after renting the house you did. 

The weight that had lifted moments before settled right back down on your shoulders as the thought that, even if you were to get custody, you wouldn’t be able to keep your head above water for very long without work crashed down, and made you wonder if it would just be easier to go back to Colson to avoid what was about to come. But that thought was temporarily pushed aside when your ex started to ring the door bell incessantly between his angry pounding.

“Jesus, this man.” You growled to yourself as you put your money back in it’s hiding spot and headed down stairs to get the door.

“Who the fuck is here?” Kels demanded as he walked right by you without a glance.

“Friend from back home.”

“Where is he?”

“Jesus, asshole. Can you fucking chill out for one minute. No stop.” You said as you jumped in front of him before he could go upstairs. “This ain’t your fucking house, Kels. It’s mine. You’re not just helping yourself to roam about my house...”

“Move.” He said as he reached around you to grab the latch of the baby gate, and with your close proximity to it, you got pushed out of the way a couple feet when he swung it open forcefully.

“Hey!” Opie shouted, making your ex freeze as the former handed you your son and moved to stand in front of you. “I don’t fucking think so.”

“You the fucking prick that thinks he can move in on my fucking girl?” Colson asked as he stood up to his full height, which was the exact same as Opie’s. “Yea right.”

“No, I’m the fucking man that’s stepping up to treat her better than you could ever fucking dream of, boy.”

“Oh the fuck you are.” Kels said as he pulled back to knock Opie out in his rage, but your childhood friend grabbed his wrist before he could even come close to connecting with a simple smirk.

“Smile, mother fucker.” Ope said as he gestured to his side at his DSLR camera that you didn’t realize he had set up on the table by the door when you were upstairs. “You’re on candid camera. Judge’s love violence.”

“Wait, what... you filed for fucking custody?!” He shouted as he ripped his hand back and looked at you in total shock. “You’re fucking serious.”

“Colson, I’m not gunna take your kids from you.” You said with a shake of your head as you held Gage tightly to your chest. “But I don’t trust you to be alone with them.”

“Oh, I’ll see you in fucking court then, bitch.” He said with a nod. “All because you think I slept with some girl I didn’t even touch. Looks like you’re the slut here, shackin’ up with some new guy...”

“That’s enough.” Opie said loudly before you could say anything incriminating on camera. “Are you here to see your son or what?”

“No, my son needs to be home where he belongs...”

“Not without a court order.” You said with tears in your eyes and a shake of your head. “Or until you can pass a drug test.”

“Oh, because you have the moral high ground on that one. I’m not the one that overdosed when I was pregnant.”

“And you’re also not the one that’s stayed sober since then either.” You said evenly, hating that you had to use things you were sometimes guilty of yourself against him. “We have a swing set out back. Do you want to spend time with your son...?”

“Nah, I’ll be back with a court order to take him home real soon.” He said as he yanked open your front door. “And a fucking restraining order to keep Lurch here away from my kid.” You jumped when he slammed the door behind him, and Opie instantly reached back and picked up his camera.

“Take this to your lawyer today.” He said as he stopped the video and handed you the whole camera. “Just hit this play button twice and it’ll play back the whole thing. I’m gunna have a buddy of mine that owes me a favor- tech kid, he’ll put up cameras for the next time he comes back...”

“Ope, I can’t ask you to do that...”

“It’s no big deal...”

“It’s no big deal that I can’t afford!” You hissed back as you bounced Gage in your arms to get him to stop crying. “I’m fucked here unless my agent calls back. I will either be able to afford a good lawyer and be homeless by the time Colson finishes dragging this out as long as he can because he knows I’m broke, or I get a shit lawyer I can afford and I lose my kids. So I can’t afford some fancy cameras to make my case, all I have is my word against his so I’m probably just better off dealing with the cheating to keep my kids safe...”

“OK... OK.” He said as he locked the front door and stepped over to you to pull you and Gage both into a hug. “Listen, I’m not fucking around when I say I’m in this. You need help with bills, I can easily move in, because I live in a studio apartment paying month by month, and I hate the place. Shit, I’ll even sleep on the couch if need be. (Y/N), I moved out here to help you years ago. I just... well I lost you for a minute there, but now that I’ve got you back, I’m not letting you or your kids go. 

I’ve known since the day I fucking met you at that stupid middle school dance that we were meant to be, and I don’t give a shit what you’re going through right now, same as I wouldn’t have cared if I had been able to save you when you were using. I’m here for it, just like I should have been years ago when I saw how bad you were with using, and years before that when I saw the start of your down slide at my graduation. I know it’s messy and fucked up, and confusing as hell right now, and even if you just see me as a friend at the end of the day, let me help you. Let me help get you on your feet after everything you have been through until you are able to finally see the woman that I know is hiding under layers of make up, ink, and choices that were made for all the wrong reasons. Let me help you love yourself again. Let me help you be the mother I saw at the beach last night, who is willing to kill herself to make sure her babies are safe and sound. Let me help you, because I know you won’t let anyone else do it for you.”

“Opie.” You cried into his chest, which made him carefully tighten his arms around you in a way that didn’t squish Gage.

“I’m here.” He said with a nod as he leaned down and kissed the top of your head. “I’m not going anywhere. Not for anything.”

Part 11

[stayextrafrosty]

I Almost Lost You

Summary: After the garbage that took place in 2x06 I refused to accept it. So, this is the scene that should have taken place and what I will pretend happened from here on out.

Fandom: Roswell New Mexico

Pairing: Michael Guerin x Alex Manes

Warnings: tooth rotting fluff

Read on AO3 // Masterlist (this is my first RNM fic. Otherwise I mostly write Fall Out Boy fanfiction)

-

Michael wanted to throw up. Not from drinking or overexerting his powers. And he knows he should have killed him. That fucking weird ax-wielding psychopath. He wouldn’t have cared what consequences would have come of it.

Because Alex sat here in front of him. Bleeding from a stab wound that if he had just been a little earlier, maybe he could have prevented.

“DeLuca there’s a first aid kit under the sink. Bring it here!” Michael pressed his hand against Alex’s chest, his eyes screwed shut in pain. “You’re gunna be fine ok. Look at me,” he rushed out. Alex opened his eyes slightly. “I promise you’ll be fine.” Alex nodded and rested his head back against the wall of the trailer.

“Here. Alex, I’m so sorry, this is all my fault,” Maria said, tears slipping down her cheeks. He tried to shake his head.

“No, Maria. I should have noticed something was wrong earlier—AH,” Michael pressed a cloth with antiseptic against the open would. Alex’s hand shot up, covering his. He met Alex’s pleading gaze. The last thing Michael wanted to do was hurt him more, but it couldn’t be helped.

“Maria, help get his shirt off. I need better access to sew it up.” Maria hurried to the other side, lifting the ruined shirt carefully. The effort pushed more blood out of the wound. Michael cursed and pressed the cloth back against his chest.

Michael reached into the box for a needle. He had done this more times than he could count on himself. He was probably better at it than most doctors by this point. Alex tried to control his breathing around the pain.

“This is going to prick a bit,” Michael said softly.

“Can’t be worse than losing a leg,” Alex tried to joke. None of them laughed. Michael worked as quickly as he could, trying to limit the pain for him. Alex gripped Maria’s hand as she tried to whisper comforting things.

Michael took the small pair of scissors and clipped the excess thread. He dug around in the box, looking for the larger bandages. They all jumped as Maria’s phone buzzed loudly. She tried to ignore it but given the time, it was probably important. She grabbed it from the small table, looking at the ID. She sighed.

“It’s the home. Something about my mom. I’ll be right back, ok?” She squeezed Alex’s hand before rushing out of the trailer.

It was silent as Michael pressed the bandage over the wound. He tried not to jump when Alex laid his hand over his. He had hesitated and hadn’t removed his hand. He wanted to heal it. He cursed himself for not having Max’s abilities.

“Guerin,” Alex said quietly.

“I almost lost you.” Michael looked up at his face. He opened his mouth but closed it again. Michael reached up to brush hair off his forehead that stuck from sweat. As much as he tried to fight it, tears spilled out of Michael’s eyes. He dropped his head, trying to hide.

“Hey, look at me.” Michael refused. He tried to pull his hand away but Alex held tight. “Michael, look at me.” He couldn’t ignore it when Alex used his first name. It meant there wouldn’t be any walls. No lies. Just them.

“I’m still here. I made it back to you and it’s going to take a lot more than this to get rid of me.” Alex leaned forward, resting his other hand on Michael’s cheek. Michael glanced down at his slightly parted lips. He wanted to make sure he never left again. He would protect him. Not that Alex couldn’t protect himself.

Michael pressed his forehead against Alex’s. He heard his breath hitch for a moment. Even if it hurt, Michael loved him. He cared for Maria. He knew that. But he had never felt more consumed by a feeling than his love for Alex.

“I wouldn’t have been able to live. Not without you.”

“You’re the one who said we needed time apart,” Alex pointed out.

“And we do. That doesn’t mean I want to see you hurt or worse... I still love you.”

Before Alex could respond, the door to the trailer swung open. They jumped apart and Michael immediately felt cold. Maria rushed to Alex’s side.

“I’m sorry. Are you ok? Do you want me to drive you home?” Alex didn’t say anything so Michael jumped in.

“In what car? I’m too tired to change your tires tonight. You guys can just stay here.” After some halfhearted arguing, Alex and Maria laid in the small bed. Michael slouched in a chair across from them.

Maria was asleep shortly after her head hit the pillow. Michael’s eyes were closed but sleep wasn’t going to come. Not when he could feel a set of eyes on him.

“Got something to say, private,” Michael asked, opening his eyes slowly. He pretended to not be startled by the intense look on Alex’s face.

“Just that you are somehow the worst and best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

[valkyrieofsmut]

Captive Love   9

UF!Sans x Reader (or Frisk if you wanna)

Summary: Sans and Papyrus argue, sparking some of the memories Sans would rather not remember. Sweetheart is pissed.

A/N: Be glad this one isn't as long as it could have been had I just let loose... because- WARNING this chapter has a couple of Sans' memories of Gaster and his abuse. They are between the ~~~ lines. I'll put a quick safe read in the end notes.    Sweetheart is pissed now, and isn't having anymore of Sans' shit... cunning little thing..

Masterlist      Series Masterlist

Story

Bad memories.

She had been kidnapped. 

Adultnapped.

Whatever… 

The pain of the betrayal twisted her stomach and made tears gather at the edges of her eyes. 

These two couldn't be trusted. 

Actually, Papyrus could probably be trusted a little; he hadn't lied to her. Despite, or maybe because of, his lack of polite social cues, he was almost a brutal amount of direct, not hiding things behind flowery prose.  

Sans, on the other hand, turned out to be sly. Saying all the right things to get her to trust him, having the right demeanor to get her to relax… planning who knows what in the meantime. 

(Y/n) glared at the bookcase across the room, her mind stewing in anger and hurt for a bit as Sans and his brother spoke somewhere outside the room, though close enough she could hear most of the conversation, definitely the parts from Papyrus, at least. 

"SHE'S GOING TO GET HERSELF, AND YOU, HURT. I WON'T STAND FOR IT!" Papyrus' voice was softer than usual, though still forceful. 

"not doin' it," Sans grumbled back. 

"IT'S FOR HER OWN GOOD," Papyrus insisted.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Sans walked down the hall, bare feet bones scuffing against the floor, shoulders hunched as though from the weight of the thick collar around his cervical vertebrae, medical gown floating about him slightly. 

"Hurry up, you worthless brat," the voice above him demanded, holed hand closing and swinging forward. 

Sans' small body jerked forward, flying through the air until he crashed against the side of a gurney and fell in a heap, unable to catch himself with his unmoving body, almost harsh enough to cause soul damage. 

"Or I'll use the more compliant of you two." 

"n-no!" Sans cried. "i-i'm jus' a bit tired 's all! d-don't-! i'll do what ya want, jus'- jus' leave pap outta this!" He scurried onto the gurney and laid down in his normal position. 

The pokes. 

The prods. 

The pricks of needles… 

The tests after endless tests. 

Not needing to be strapped down physically… 

"o-oooow! i-it hurts! p-please stop! gaster! aaaahhh!" Sans' young voice was surprisingly desperate in the air, but it did him no good. 

He fought, instinctually trying to get away from the pain. 

"Hold still, you little shit," Gaster growled, his hand stretching and pressing down flat in the air at his side. "You'll mess up the results."

Sans felt himself lose control of his body- unable to even blink while his jaw was set in a pained grimace, unable to move. 

Tears gathered at the corners of his sockets, but he still couldn't move, not even to cry out. 

. 

"S'all your fault."

Sans raced through the hall as the sound of an empty bottle falling to the floor echoed from the room behind him. 

stupid asshole, he thought, feeling the fear, anger, and hatred burning inside him. 

He skidded into his and Papyrus' room, reaching out and grabbing the smaller skeleton's humerus and pulling him to his feet from his curled position on the carpet and dragging him along as he continued on down the hall, shoving him into the small hall closet, taking a hidden rope, putting a loop at one end around the door handle, tossing the other end around the pole the coats were hanging on, and pulling it tight to wrap it around the handle and tying it before pressing him down into the farthest corner, crouching between him and the door and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. 

"it'll be ok, paps," he breathed. "idiot'll probably trip comin' up th' stairs an' knock 'imself out again." 

Uneven steps made their way up the stairs, slowly, which Sans knew made it less likely that he'd fall. 

"jus' gotta wait it out," he breathed as he tried to calm his small, crying brother, ignoring the tears trying to push at his own eyes. 

He refused to cry. 

He had to be strong for Paps. 

The uneven steps were in the hallway, making their way down towards their hiding space. 

Sans hugged Papyrus close, keeping them both as silent as possible. 

"'M gunna find you, and you're gunna get the punishment you have coming!" 

Sans hugged his brother's shivering form closer, breathing as quietly as possible. 

Sans felt the collar around his neck vertebrae get lighter and let go of Papyrus, pushing him further into the corner frantically before he couldn't move, lifted into the air and jerked so hard the rope holding the door closed snapped the rod, sending the coats and other hanging clothing raining down onto the floor, burying Papyrus under them as he crashed through the door and into the hall. 

Gaster was standing at the end of the hall, a fresh crack running from the top of his eye socket to somewhere on the top of his skull. 

Dust was still trickling slowly from the crack, and he was obviously a little tipsy, probably chugged the bottle of liquor on the floor downstairs after he'd gotten Asgore's anger. 

"See what you did, you worthless little shit?!" He demanded, turning Sans to see his new crack better. "Asgore's not happy with the results." 

's not my fault y're a failure, Sans thought at him, not my fault whatever y're tryin' ta do is impossible.  

Sans was pulled, still unable to move his own body, until he was within an arm's reach of Gaster. 

The first hit fell across his nasal ridge, the next his eye socket. They grew harder and harder, hits landing on his ribs as well as Gaster held him frozen and helpless as he hit him, taking out his rage. 

Sans could feel the cracks as they were made in his bones. It was going to hurt for a long time. 

you can take it, he told himself. you can take it. as long as he doesn't hurt paps. 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Sans shuddered as the memories flashed in front of his mind's eye. 

"that shit ain't good fer anyone," he muttered. 

"SHE NEEDS IT, SANS. TO KEEP HER OUT OF DANGER! SHE NEEDS A COL-" 

"i ain't doin' it, paps!" He cut him off, his voice rising. "i'm not gonna put a collar on 'er! not on my sweetheart! i ain't puttin' 'er through that shit!" 

"SANS," Papyrus tried, but he was cut off again. 

"no, paps! it ain't happenin', end a story!" Sans turned, his sneakers squeaking as he stormed back to his room. 

The door slammed behind him, and he let out a growl, his sharp teeth grinding together as he stomped his way to where (Y/n) had been glaring out the window. 

She was frozen, her wide eyes on Sans as he got closer, trying to tell her body to get ready to move in case she had to dodge something. 

When he got to her, though, he just grabbed her and pulled her against his ribs, burying his face in her hair, then nuzzling his way into the crook of her neck. 

"i ain't doin' it… i won't do it…" he assured in a soft whisper. "don't worry, sweetheart," he told her, trying to ignore all of the flinching she was doing, though he felt each one as a prick to his soul. “i’ll keep ya safe…”

(Y/n) didn't care what Sans said, he was keeping her here against her will. 

She hadn't even seen any monsters, or any signs of a town between here and the small tops of the city buildings in the distance. 

She was going to leave. 

Fuck this situation, she was leaving it. 

She was glad that she hadn't given Sans her number. The last thing she wanted was to  ever  hear from him again when she got out. 

.

Sans tried to get her to go down to dinner with them, but she refused. 

Not only did she not want to see either of them, let alone be around them, because she was so angry, but with the way they'd argued, she didn't want to be in the area if something started again. 

Sans brought her up some food, and the only reason she ate it was to have enough energy to escape. 

When it came time to go to sleep, Sans climbed in the bed, getting comfortable for sleep, wondering why his sweetheart was acting so strange, keeping an eye on her. 

When she was ready to sleep, she stood from the desk chair she'd pulled up to the window and took a pillow from the bed before laying on the floor next to the bed. 

Sans' skull contorted in confusion. "wh-what're ya doin', sweetheart?" 

She didn't answer, at all. Not even lifting a hand to give him the finger. 

Sweat started beading on his skull as Sans rubbed at his sternum to try to ease the pain that had shot through his soul. 

"s-sweetheart, what're ya doin' on th’ floor?" 

She still didn't move. 

Sans growled in irritation, his hand fisting in his shirt. what th’ fuck? He wondered. "what're ya pissed at me fer?" He demanded. She flinched at his harsh tone and he let out another growl, this time of frustration at himself for making her flinch. 

Sans ground his teeth as he held back his anger. 

"fine then. sleep on th' fuckin' floor," he grumbled as he aggressively turned over and got comfortable.

He tossed and turned for a while, stubborn as ever, but eventually, when he still couldn't sleep, he threw the blanket off. "ya ain't sleepin' alone on th' fuckin' floor," he grumbled to himself, walking around the bed and picking her up to place her on the bed. 

(Y/n) moved to get off the bed as soon as he moved out of the way, but he stopped her, holding her against him as he got onto the bed and tried to get comfortable. 

"stop it," he hissed at her as she tried to squirm away. "go ta sleep." 

(Y/n) couldn't move, stuck where she was, trapped in his arms. 

She grumbled, but knew that sleep was important to get for escaping. And, since Sans wasn't trying anything more than keeping her in bed, and she couldn't get away anyway, she decided to get as much as she could. 

The city had looked pretty far away earlier.

A/N: Also! I'm doing a 2,000 followers special where I'm doing requests (answering questions and stuff) if you want to participate or whatever! 😁

~~~ Gaster does experiments on Sans using a leather collar around his throat to control him completely (physical control of his body, he can't even blink), and threats against Papyrus to keep him in line. . Gaster is pissed because Asgore gave him a permanent crack in his skull due to no progress in his research, gets tipsy and beats Sans- Sans makes his priority to get Papyrus as safe as possible, hidden in a closet, using a rope to secure the door, trying to keep him calm, making sure that he's not holding onto him so he doesn't accidentally drag him out when he feels Gaster taking control of him through the collar. Keeps himself motivated through the beating by telling himself that he can take it as long as it's not Paps getting hit. ~~~ I made it a bit vague on their relationship, because I didn't want it to necessarily be direct parental abuse, like, maybe their parents died and they were put with their uncle Gaster, or maybe Gaster is just the royal scientist and they were put in his care, either as a "wards of the state" kinda thing, or they were taken from their family/ given up and given to him to experiment on. Sans... promises to protect don't make you not a creep... they just kinda make you yandere... Til next week!

[gvf-imagine]

Part 3

A/N: as always I hope you enjoy this chapter! Any and all criticism is welcome and helpful! This chapter is a bit of a cliffhanger I’m sorry 😩 I hope you all like it!! Also I’m sorry it took so long I’ve been in a weird place mentally but now it’s done ❣️

Tag list: @karrotkate @satingrass-maidensfair @jimmypagesandbrianmayshair @justacollegestudentyay @love-philautia @bandaid-rainbow @kakarla @elliestrawberries

——————————————————————————————————-

Beep beep beep...

Your alarm was blaring , you’d been awake for hours now , you heard it but just couldn’t find the energy to turn it off. Instead you let your arm fall to the side of your bed, feel around for the outlet and unplug the cord.

The beeping stops only for a loud bang of silence to fill your ears. It’s been three weeks since you last spoke to josh. You were honestly so frustrated with yourself and Josh right now but didn't want to let it show too much. You knew it, how could you be so dumb, of course you aren't the only girl he's talking to. The more you think about it the more upset you got. You weren’t sure you’d be able to get over this, which really bummed you out because not only did you like josh but you loved the company of the other guys too. You didn’t wanna lose your friendship with them, maybe you could even still be friends with josh....eventually....maybe.

Speaking of the devil your phone rang , you grab it to see who it is , it’s Jake. What would jake be calling you for ?

“Hello?” You answer , your voice week from crying for the past few weeks.

“Hey (y/n)....are you ok?” He asks getting straight to the point. You throw your hand up incredulously.

“No jake. No I’m not ok... I’m really not ok but you know what? That’s my fault. I thought me and josh had a connection that I guess he didn’t see” you answer, your voice losing its luster as you spoke. You could feel your heart breaking all over again.

Why were you so sad about this? It wasn’t like you knew josh for a super long time and had a crush on him forever. He just made you feel so good about yourself, so happy it was almost addicting. You missed him.

“I know, I’m sorry....I don’t know why he’s even messing with her again, they didn’t have a good relationship and she was super controlling and weird” Jake informs, he sounded a little aggravated, it was obvious he didn’t like her.

“Well I hope they’re happy together” you say with a tone that suggested otherwise.

“Well hey, me Danny and Sam are having a movie night tonight and I was wondering if you’d like to join?” He asks, his voice perking up. You didn’t answer right away. You mulled the idea over in your head.

“Josh won’t be here” Jake adds , trying to entice you.

“Sold. What time should I be there?” You reply.

“Hmm how about four?” He suggests.

“Sounds good, should I bring anything?” You ask.

“Just that beautiful smile” Jake flirts, you could hear the purr in his voice.

You laugh, it was the first time you’d laughed in weeks. It felt good.

“Will do, I’ll see you in a bit” you chime.

After the call ended , your rush of happiness faded, and worries filled your head.

Would hanging out with Jake , Sam and Danny make you miss josh even more? It was worth the risk for sure, the guys were so fun and brought such light to your life. You didn’t wanna lose three great friends just because one boy was being stupid.

You convinced yourself seeing the boys today was a good idea and with a smile on your face you hopped off your bed to get ready for the night.

———————————————————

When you got the Jake’s place you were really nervous but you weren’t sure why. You took a deep calming breath before knocking three times in the mahogany door. Within seconds the door was flung open and a smiling Danny stood in front of you.

“Hey! I’m so glad you came” he said instantly pulling you into a hug. The butterflies in your stomach melted away, trickling down your legs and pooling out of your shoes , you glanced down at the imaginary puddle before you were pulled into the house.

Jake was the next smiling face you seen, he looked great, glowing honestly , you’d almost forgotten how attractive all of them were.

“Hey girlie , come here” he chimes , arms open ready to hug you. His cologne wrapped around you almost as tightly as his arms.

“I missed you” he says again with a sweet smile.

“I missed you guys too, so much” you reply.

“Where should we get pizza from?” Sam asks walking in from the kitchen , phone in hand.

“Oh hey!!” He exclaims when his eyes fall on you. Like Danny and Jake he wraps you in a gentle hug.

“How have you been?” He asks, you can see concern sparkle in his bold eyes.

You shrug.

“I’ve been ok, just tired I guess” you respond , your gaze falling to the floor.

Sam smiles softly and rubs your arm with his gentle touch. It felt so nice to have friends that cared about you, genuinely cared. You think back to what sam said when he entered the room.

“Have you guys ever had Marcos?” You ask , lifting your head to look at the boys.

The all shook their heads.

“Ok gimmie your phone , what kind of pizza do you want?” You ask again , grabbing Sammy’s phone.

“Pepperoni”

“Sausage”

“Hawaiian”

They each answer at the same time. You roll your eyes and chuckle, 3 pizzas for 4 people seemed a bit overzealous but that was nothing a little Mary Jane couldn’t solve. You called the pizza place and ordered the pizzas , Sammy paid even though you insisted you would.

By the time the pizza came , you and they guys had a few drinks and were feeling pretty tipsy. That old familiar warmth pooled in your stomach , your eyes hung low as Danny passed you the joint that was circulating the room. You offer him a small smile as you pluck it from his fingers. The sweet taste of the blueberry flavored rolling paper soothed the harsh itch of the smoke itself, you cough none the less.

You were all in the living room watching a show called ‘Bobs burgers’ one of your favorites. There was a knock on the door , you all sat up quickly, looked at each other before Jake stood up to answer the door.

“I’ll get it” he says as he walks down the short flight of stairs to the door, you can’t see him but you can hear him give a shaky “hey” to whoever was at the door. You heard jakes footsteps coming up the stairs along with what sounded like two other people.

You could almost hear your heart shatter as josh and Andrea appear before you. Your face felt like it was on fire and panic set in.

“Josh is she wearing your shirt?” Andrea asks looking at you, you were indeed wearing the jacket he gave you the night you met him.

“Oh you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me” was all you could manage to get out.

“I’m gunna go you guys... I’ll see you later , thanks for inviting me over Jake I had fun” you say, the sound of defeat ringing in your voice. Jake nodded his head with a sympathetic look.

“(Y/n) wait” josh calls as you walk out the door.

“No” you retort slamming the door behind you. Seconds later the door flung open and josh caught up to you as you walked towards your car.

“(Y/n) please!” He exclaims grabbing your shoulder.

“Please what?! Are you insane? I have no desire to watch you and your squeeze toy drool over each other all night! I thought you liked me Josh but obviously I was just something to do until Andrea came back around” you argue.

“Oh sorry I have to cancel our date something came up” you add with a mocking tone. Josh simply sighed and dropped his head.

“Look I DO like you (y/n) I like you a lot you’re a really great chick it’s just..” josh began to protest.

“It’s just what??? Andrea’s better ?? She’s funnier, smarter, more talented....prettier?? It’s just nothing and I’m just stupid.” You spat. The heavy lump of what felt like hot coals was back in your throat and you turned your head so josh couldn’t see you tearing up.

“(Y/n)...” josh whispered wiping a tear from your cheek. You wince and step back.

“Don’t touch me. Just don’t even worry about it josh...I wouldn’t wanna interrupt your precious time with Andrea.” You say turning to get in your car. Josh stood there and watched you drive away. Droplets of rain slammed against your windshield as you sped down the road. You heard your phone vibrate , you glanced down at it on the passenger seat next to you , it was josh.

Josh: I’m sorry.

“The fuck if you are” you say to yourself but you don’t respond to his message. At this point you didn’t even know what to say to him. You guys could still be friends but you needed space from him emotionally. You let yourself get way too attached way too quickly and that was your fault but he shouldn’t have led you on.

When you finally reached your apartment you walked straight to your room , took off Josh’s jacket and your pants and climbed under your covers. More tears spilled down your face as you slowly fell asleep to the sound of the rain.

—————————————————

The next morning you were awoken by the sound of your phone vibrating incessantly. You grabbed it, seen it was your manager and answered the call.

You: “Hello?” Your voice was hoarse from sleep and crying.

Manager: “hey! Got some great news!” He chimes

You: “what’s up?”

Manager: “I booked you to open for a hot new band on their upcoming tour!!” He practically yells.

Sweet! You’d never toured with another band before.

You: “that’s awesome! Which band?” You ask now sitting up.

Manager: they’re called Greta Van Fleet!

Oh...

[clowndaydreams]

Yan!Marvus x Reader

I hope you all like it!

“Can you pass me the potato chips?” You looked over to your companion. Marvus nodded and reached over to get said bag from his side of the couch.

“here ya go.” You grunted a quick thank you to the clown and started to dig in. You had been hanging out with Marvus all day. You still couldn’t believe how friendly you’ve gotten with the superstar since you met him at that concert you went to. It had been a few perigrees since then, but the clown had since made a habit of inviting you over randomly when he was free. You were just happy that he remembered you at all.

Currently though, you were both relaxing on the couch and watching some Slam or Get Culled episodes that he was in. Right now, a season finale was playing. He was the final challenge for that season’s top 2. They had to rap battle him and whoever fared better was the winner.  You glanced over at him. He was in his usual facepaint, but was casually wearing a neon yellow ripped tank top and matching pajama pants with some designer troll logo and ‘JUICY’ all over them. How he managed to look so hot in that would forever elude you. You snapped out of it when he started speaking again.

“u kno, i thought ricard was the better 1 outta those 2.” You pretended to glare at him.

“SPOILERS!” You jokingly huffed, lightly shoving his arm. It didn’t move, as you’d expect.

“LOL! XoD sorry fam, seen dis crap 1000 times alreddy.” Wait, then why did he let you pick this episode? Or even agree to watch this with you? If this was boring you could do something else. And as if he could read your mind, he held up a hand.

“dun worry bout dis. is chill or w/e. butt srsly, u kno who gunna win.”

“Still! I wanna watch it!” You giggled. You both watched on in silence as Marvus was brought on to surprise the contestants.

“How were they behind the scenes?” You asked as you watched the confessionals for both of the contestants.

“ricards moirail b a clown, so me n him knew each other alreddy. he wuz p chill i guess lol.”

“What about Krayaa?”

“turns out she wuz a fangirl. foamin at the mouth n erythng.”

“Really?!” You turned to him to try and see if he was lying. He looked almost bored about it all. Like you were both talking about the weather or something. You wished you could be so relaxed about meeting a rabid fangirl and somehow living to tell the tale. Seadwellers were supposed to be stronger and more durable than landdwellers. At least, that was according Polypa anyway. Huh, you had to remember to check on her later after you got home too.

“ye. she wanted 2 pail after the shoot.” Your jaw dropped. Krayaa was a seadweller! Did he have to listen to her? She could have killed him for not listening!

“Nahhh, no worries,, the contract she signed for the ep woulda had her disqualified and mah bodyguards woulda whooped her b4 she had a chance. ;op” He chuckled. “If she managed 2 get thru them, I aint no wimp.” He added, flexing his arms a little to prove his point. You almost couldn’t stop staring. He had to know what he was doing to you…right? Granted, this was a crush you had no intention of pursuing. If you were speaking honestly, Marvus was a guy who probably didn’t want commitment due to his lifestyle. Even then, he had people throwing themselves at him constantly. People his own species. People who were a lot better fitting with his general aesthetic and not some poor wandering alien that he would DM when he was high when they both should have been sleeping. Your own concepts of relationships and types of love were different. But you could dream, right? You were content with just having him as your designated hot friend anyway. …That did mean you were allowed to drool over him in your mind. As long as it doesn’t get creepy to him. Yeah. You were fine.

“u gud (Y/N)? u tryna lure snacks into ur mouth or smth?” You snapped out of your stupor.

“Ew! Gross! I don’t eat bugs like you weirdos!”

“it aint gross. literally free snacks u can catch. :o)” He laughed.

“Where I’m from they’re gross!” Granted, there were places that did eat crickets and the like on Earth, but you would never tell him that.

“dun knock it till ya try it.” He got up and left the room, returning after a moment with a small box.

“…What is that.” You had a sinking feeling you knew what it was.

“chirp grubs.” He opened it and there they were. Disgusting caramelized crickets.

“I can’t.” You shook your head.

“more 4 me lol.” You looked away as he ate a few of the crickets. You looked back at him when his palmhusk rang. It sounded like a clown horn version of one of his songs. Fitting, honestly.

He glanced at it and rolled his eyes before silencing the phone.

“Who was that?”

“thottie.”

“Oh…” He looked bored again. Not good. What could you talk to him about to keep him interested?

“Uh…You ever get tired of the fans trying to aggressively pail you?” Ok, that wasn’t the best choice for conversation. Your bad.

“i meannn….in the beginning yeah. now its kinda the norm 4 me ufeelme?”

“Yeah, I guess. Does it ever make you feel like you can’t have a relation-er, quadrant?” You assumed it would, but that would also come with fame in general, wouldn’t it? You weren’t sure. Then again, if he didn’t want-

“kinda. i think its kinda funny how i can attract psychos, fans and thots, but not my crushes.” You sat up straight. Marvus had a crush?

“Wait. You…uh…are pale or um….red? for somebody?” You didn’t have the best grasp on quadrant terms.

“lol sumtimes i forget your an alien.” He leaned back onto the couch.

“butt yeah, i have a few crushes at the mo.” He smiled, staring at the ceiling.  Few. He has more than one crush right now. That soft smile said it all. He had it bad.

“…Can you tell me who they are?” He looked over at you and looked sheepish.

“i…dun think is a gud idea.”

“Please? I have to know who the great Marvus Xoloto has a crush on.”

“u kno 1. itll be awk af :o(“ Now you had to know. Now you were thinking about whether or not Marvus had a type. What if they were all mega hot models? Wait! Did he have a crush on Chahut? They would totally have to know each other. Who else did you both know??? He heard of Cirava, but you didn’t think they talked. Who???

“…kk fine. only if u slam a faygo tho.” You gave him a look.

“Isn’t Faygo…not for non-clowns?”

“is just us. whos gunna kno?”

“You promise nobody’s gonna know?”

“on my life. u slam a faygo, n ill tell u who my flush be.” You thought it over. You remembered tasting the stuff at clown church when you went you went with Chahut that one time. Just a sip left you a bit tipsy. A whole bottle may have rendered you unable to be coherent enough to even process who his flush crush was. Would it be worth it? You felt a choice coming on. Either way you had to drink a certain amount in order to maybe try and learn this random troll’s identity. The question was, do you try and counter his offer or just slam the entire bottle and hope for the best?

…

It would be better to respect your own limits. A bunch of your friends had lectured you a few times over putting yourself out just to potentially make a friend. This would piss them off and would probably not end in your favor even if you did decide to just go with it anyway.

“How much faygo do I have to drink?”

“hm…” He got up, went to the kitchen and got a small can of Grape Faygo, a normal bottle for one and a whole 2 liter bottle. “imma b nice. u get a choice. u gotta try 2 finish the can. u get 1 q with the name if u finish the can. Smol bottle gets u 2 qs and the name n the 2L gets u as many qs as u liek. fair enough 2 u?”

…Now you wanted to chug the 2 liter. You haven’t even seen anyone try to down that other than the Grand High Blood once when you took Karako to clown church for the first time. But that guy was a clown and he is HUGE. You, not so much. But, you chose to respect yourself for once. You’d see how you felt after the small can and go from there. You picked it up, opened the can and took a deep breathe. Powers that be, let this not wreck you and let this answer be worth it. If he cops out with his answers, you would try to hurt him. You started chugging. You did your best to try and treat it like a shot like Cirava taught you so you wouldn’t taste the overly sweet flavor too much. After a moment of light agony and attempting to not drown in the soda, you reached the end of the can. You slammed it onto the coffee table and started panting. Ok, you weren’t feeling woozy like before. Maybe those tiny sips when you went to clown church helped your body get used to it.

“u gunna try the otha bottles?” You managed to shake your head. You weren’t gonna do that again. Your head started hurting. You looked over at him. Were his eyes always so vibrantly purple? Woah, now they’re flashing purple. What the heck? Was this Faygo high? You now understood why all the other clowns were so goofy after drinking a cup of this stuff. Crap, now your head was starting to hurt.

“Wh-Who….who is it..?” You started feeling like you were gonna pass out. You laid down on the couch. You needed to close your eyes. That was way too much for you. You felt Marvus pick you up into his arms.

“ye…after u wake up bb.” Wake up? Wait, did he just call you a pet name?! You were about to question him when he tilted his head.

“dangg,, u managed 2 stay awake with chuckles and faygo? ur stronger than i thought. Soz bout this babes.” His eyes became blindingly vibrant again and you blacked out.

[motheyes]

:(

[wantstoflyafraidtofall]

Chapter 7: Playing With Fear and Fire is out! This will be the last chapter before school starts again so it may take longer for any new chapters to come out.

Read on Ao3

~~~

Chapter 7: Playing With Fear and Fire

**TRIGGER WARNING**

Mentions of suicidal thoughts, past rape, and slight homophobic language! 

(Chapter below the cut)

~~~

Dean is standing on the balcony. He doesn't remember getting out of bed or coming out here, but he is.

It’s a cool night, the sky is dotted with dark clouds but you can still see the sky peeking through. It’s a new moon tonight, only the stars lighting up the dark night world.

He can’t move. He’s stuck again. The shadow is looming right next to him, looking over the balcony as if longing to leave. Or make someone else leave.

Dean can feel the cold press of the creature on his back but it's different this time. It’s taken control of his emotions, making him feel some sort of empty, like the silence plaguing the house.

It has Dean move to the edge and begin climbing up the wide rail. Despite his fear of heights, Dean feels nothing, his mind is empty. He doesn't fight to climb off or call for help, he doesn't even fully register what's happening.

He stands on the wide, flat top of the railing, the breeze ruffling his loose sleepwear and messy hair, feeling the slight tense of the muscles in his feet and legs as he balances precariously on the edge.

“Dean what are you- DEAN!” Cas wakes from his half sleep when he sees Dean standing on the ledge.

The shadow pulls back, letting Dean stand without assistance on the ledge. It slides back against the wall, watching.

Cas sees a dark flicker of what looks like an ink black shadow holding Dean at the rail before he lunges over to him and reaches for him, pulling him back and catching him in his arms as he falls to the ground.

Dean still feels dazed and a bit confused as he lies partially in Cas’s lap, looking up at his roommate with unfocused eyes.

“Dean... Dean, can you hear me? Are you okay?” Cas was asking, gently cupping Deans cheek, keeping his head from rolling around.

The realization of what just happened hit Dean like a punch in the stomach. He felt his heart jump and his breath quicken. His eyes grew panicked and he sprung out of Cas’s lap and stood, ready for attack and searching for the shadow.

Cas was on his feet almost as fast and ushered Dean inside and back into the bed, wrapping him in a blanket and sitting him up against the headboard.

The lamp on Cas’s side of the bed(Cas gets his own side now) Is on, casting a creamy yellow light over the room and making the shadows soft and fuzzy at the edges.

“You're going back to bed and we are talking about this in the morning.” Cas says as he gets back into bed after giving Dean a once-over, checking for injuries.

Cas turns off the lamp and Dean quickly falls into a deep sleep.

~~~

Dean spends the next day dodging and deflecting the questions Cas throws at him. By noon, Cas went from asking questions to angrily staring at him.

It was hard to spend the day with Cas giving him the silent treatment but Dean found plenty of ways to distract himself. He even tried to have staring contests with Cas but he always had to forfeit.(Man, does Cas even need to blink?)

By evening, Cas had calmed down a bit, coming to the conclusion that this may be a sensitive topic and it would take time and patience to get Dean to talk about it. Dinner was much more pleasant now that Cas wasn’t glaring him down or drowning him with inquiries about last night.

They ate the rest of the leftover spaghetti and meatballs from earlier that week and cleaned up the kitchen. Dean asked if Cas wanted to watch a movie but he refused, telling Dean that he should get some sleep.

It was only 9 but after last night, Dean was tired. He pretended to protest but followed Cas up the grand staircase and back to his room and got ready for bed.

Cas pulled Dean into his arms as soon as they got into bed, hoping that it would help keep him there instead of wandering around in the middle of the night.

Dean didn't complain, hoping he would wake up in bed and not one step away from his death. He felt safe in Cas’s arms and was sure he would get one more decent sleep before the shadow came back.

They drifted off to the sounds of each other's breathing, protected underneath the covers from the rapidly cooling air seeping into the room.

~~~

Dean was shivering. It was freezing and he was only wearing boxers and a T-shirt.

He was standing in the kitchen in the corner where the counters along the wall met. He held a sharp, gleaming steak knife in his hand which was shaking.

Panic rose in his chest. How did he get down here? Why is he holding a knife? Why is it so fucking cold?

“Dean.”

Dean’s shivering stopped and he widened his stance to a more defensive one. He knew that voice but it can’t be him. It can’t.

He looked up from the blade in his hand to the direction of the voice, his stomach dropped and the blood drained from his face.

His father was sitting at the island, hands folded beneath his chin. He glared at Dean with stone cold eyes, examining the man standing before him with the scrutiny of an Olympic judge.

“You know, I was proud to have two sons,” John began, “I was gunna teach ‘em how to grow up and be good, strong men. They were gunna get married to nice, pretty ladies and give me lots of grand kids.”

John stood and walked behind his chair, gripping the back, eyes never leaving Dean’s.

“Who knew that one was gunna be such a disappointing, disgusting little cocksucker? That after fix’n ‘em two times, he would still be a broken little faggot.” John practically spit the words at Dean, eyes filled with anger and disappointment.

“Y-your- you- you can’t- your dead. ” Dean stuttered in a small voice.

“Don’t go changing the subject!” John snapped, “It’s just me ‘n you now, Dean. Sammy ain't here to keep me from fixin’ the problem in this family anymore! I can do whatever I want with ya an’ ain’t nobody here to stop me!”

John advanced towards Dean his hands balled in tight fists by his sides. Dean raised up the knife before dropping it back down and raising it again. It’s his Dad, could he really hold a knife to his dad?

“HA! That knife ain't for me, boy. Remember, I’m dead. Now I wish you would be too so I can watch you burn in hell with those other fairies you flit around with.”

Dean’s hands were shaking again. The knife was for him . His father was here to kill him.

“I never really wanted you. I only kept you around to watch Sam, even then, it was a big debate on whether you more of a help or a pain. I trained you up anyway though and I was proud. I thought I finally had a good son, but then I catch you makin’ out with a man. I never fixed you. You were still just as much of a disgusting little waste of space as you were before, maybe even more then.

“I remember you could barely walk the next day after I was done with you. I thought that that was the end of it, that you were all better. You told me you were. And I was so naive and proud of my ability to fix you, I believed it.”

“If you're here to kill me, get it over with already.” Dean said in a shaky voice, his whole body trembling.

John ignored him and continued. “You were 18 the next time I caught ya with another guy. He ran off when he saw me, that coward. I took you back to the motel and got you another room and called up Jazmine.

“She came, I paid up some extra money to keep it quiet, and I thought I had finally found the way to fix you. She left satisfied and I never saw you with another man ever again.

“Not until now. I should have known you were beyond repair. That you are rotted to the core and no matter how hard I try, you can’t be fixed. You will always be a filthy little cocksucker and that won't change till the day you die.”

Dean could feel the tears leaving warm trails down his face. He held the knife in both hands but they still were shaking violently.

“You can still do it, Dean. You can still make me proud.” John’s tone became gentle.

Dean looked down at the knife. John wants him to do it himself. To take the knife and let it slide along the soft skin of his throat. Let the blood pour out of his body and stain the kitchen tiles.

He wants Dean to join him in some afterlife where he can be proud of his son and not revolted.

He continues to stare down at the shining blade in his hands. It is so sharp, it would be so easy. He could end it all now.

The door banged open on the other side of the kitchen and Cas ran in, spotting Dean immediately. Cas began to head to Dean but stopped when he saw the knife in his hands.

“Dean, don’t! Put it down!” Cas yelled.

“This is your final chance, Dean.” John warned.

Dean looked at Cas with wide, panicked eyes, flicking them back and forth between his father and his housemate.

A sob burst out of Dean’s mouth and he fell to his knees dropping the knife onto the floor and sliding it away from both him and Cas.

Cas ran over to Dean and wrapped him in his arms, letting him brokenly sob into his shoulder.

“I-I’m so sorry, Cas,” Dean sobs, “I shouldn’t even be here.”

“No, no, no, Dean. You belong here. I wouldn't trade anything for you to leave. I want you here. Sam wants you here. Kevin and Charlie want you here.” Cas whispers gently while softly petting Deans hair.

Dean cried for what seemed like hours before his breaths became softer and the tears stopped falling. Cas picked him up and carried him bridal style into the living room, gently laying him down on the couch.

“I’ll tell you.” Dean rasps, his voice weak from the crying.

“What?” Cas says.

“I’m gonna tell you more.”

“No, Dean, you don't have to, not right now-”

“No. I’m telling you now because you should know.”

Dean waits for Cas to refuse to let Dean speak again but he just settles down on the couch by Dean’s feet, facing him.

“Ok.”

“Dad got into drinking when Mom died. He was sad and angry. He couldn't handle it. I was always a disappointment to him so naturally, he took that anger out on me. He didn’t have a preference on how, belts, bottles, fists, sticks, words, the only thing he did was make sure Sammy didn't see and that it could be covered up by a shirt.

“Some days, I couldn't even sit down. After he caught me with a guy the first time, I could barely walk. The second time, he hired a prostitute to “fuck the gay out of me”. I was around 18 at the time.

“Even after he believed he fixed me, the beatings didn't stop. Not until he got sick and Sammy and I went to live with Bobby. Once Dad died, I still could hear his words wherever I went. It’s like he never left.

“I went to therapy for a bit but stopped when I went to the military. When I got sent back home, Sam tried to get me to start again but I didn’t wanna.

“I was doing ok before I came to this house, Cas. It wants me gone. It kept me awake in the beginning, that's why I was always so tired. That time you stopped me from falling down the stairs, It was like controlling me. Last night, It made me stand up on that ledge, I didn't even know what was going on till I was on the ground.

“Tonight, I woke up in the kitchen with a knife… and my father. He wanted me to kill myself, Cas. He said he would forgive me.

“This house wants me dead.” Dean finished.

Tears were rolling down Dean’s face again and he sat curled into himself in the corner of the couch.

Cas was looking at Dean, eyes brimming with tears and sadness masking over the shock he felt. Cas had thought he had seen something every time this happened.

A shadow on the balcony across the entryway, a shadow holding him on the rail, a shadow in the back corner of the kitchen. They were all brief flickers of it but what if Dean was right?

“We’ll figure this out, Dean.” Cas soothed.

He scooted closer to Dean and held out his arms. Dean shifted towards Cas and leaned into his embrace, curling up in the solid warmth of his friend's body. Cas held him close, softly running his fingers through Deans hair.

Cas listened as Dean’s breathing became slow and calm. He watched his friend's chest rise and fall in even breaths and tried to match his own rhythm to its rhythm but he couldn't shake the feeling of being watched.

He couldn't stop thinking about the shadow thing Dean had mentioned. Even though he had seen it, it couldn't have been real. They are just stressed and need some time to clear everything up and relax.

Cas grew eased as he rationalized the odd things he saw that night. He shoved the uneasy feeling into the back of his mind as his eyelids grew heavy. This will all make more sense in the morning.

~~~

Cas wakes up first and it definitely does not make any more sense than it did last night. If anything, he was more terrified of what happened now then he was last night.

Dean was curled in between Cas’s chest and the back of the couch, allowing Cas to get up without disturbing Dean much easier than if he was in the same position they fell asleep in.

He got up and crept quietly to his room and grabbed his phone off the charger. He knew exactly who to call. The line rang three times before it was answered and a cheery voice came through the speakers.

“Hey, Cas. Is everything alright?”

“Sam, I… I think Dean should come stay with you for a bit.”

“What? Did something happen?” There was a note of panic in Sam’s voice.

“No- Yes. Kinda. I don't think it’s my place to share what happened but I think Dean would be safer with you.”

“Okay, I’ll come pick him up as soon as I can. Don’t tell him I’m coming or he’ll find an excuse to stay there.”

“Thank you, Sam. I’ll watch him till then.”

“Thanks, Cas. See you soon.”

Sam ended the call and Cas set his phone back on the table, feeling better now that getting Dean somewhere safe was set in motion.

Dean woke up without the, now familiar, feeling of another body against his. He sat up, keeping the blankets pulled tightly around his shoulders to preserve warmth.

He looked over through the archway into the foyer to see Cas trying to tip-toe back into the living room, changing to a normal but still light footed walk when he saw Dean was awake.

Dean scooted over to make more room for Cas, grabbing the remote off the coffee table and lifting up one side of the blankets for Cas to go under. Once they were settled shoulder-to-shoulder underneath the blankets, Dean turned on the TV and began searching for a good movie.

They settled on The Princess Bride(“Come on, Cas! How have you not seen The Princess fucking Bride!”), finishing the movie before surrendering to their growling stomachs.

Dean got out the remainders of the pancake mix and got to work while Cas sat at the counter, watching.

He had to admit, telling Cas felt kinda nice and made his worry a lot easier to shove down now that there was an empty space for it.

Dean looked up and saw Cas watching him and smirked.

“See something you like?” Dean winked over at Cas.

Cas folded his hands under his chin, a sly smile on his lips. He let his eyes drag up and down Dean’s body, flicking his tongue out across his bottom lip, “Maybe.”

Dean felt a flush rise to his cheeks as he looked back at the pancake sizzling on the skillet.

They plated up their food and began to eat in a comfortable silence, their mouths to full to say anything as they scarfed down their pancakes.

They left their dishes in the sink when they finished and raced back out to the couch. Dean grabbed the blanket away from Cas, who then grabbed a corner and tugged it back from Dean.

“Oh so that’s how it's gonna be, huh?” Dean smiled and got into a pouncing stance.

Cas laughed and balled the blanket in his arms. Dean pounced grabbing the blanket from Cas and freeing it from his grip with a sharp yank.

“Ha, I win!” Dean grinned triumphantly.

“What makes you think that?” Cas smirked before tackling Dean.

They spun around, Dean holding the blanket just out of Cas’s reach while he climbed around Dean trying to grab it.

Dean’s knees bumped into the couch and he fell back, dropping the blanket and Cas being tugged down after him. Cas was straddled over Dean, pinning his hands just above both sides of his head.

Both men were breathing heavy from the tussle, the blanket discarded on the floor.

Dean looked up at his housemates flushed face and into those deep, ocean eyes. He could get lost in those eyes, their stunning shades of blue that seemed to have an endless depth.

Cas’s pupils were slightly blown, it may be from the dim lighting, but there was also this look, almost like longing, like half a question. Strong but restrained. Timid.

Dean glanced down at Cas’s perpetually chapped lips. They were slightly parted and looked so soft. Dean flicked his gaze back up to Cas’s eyes to see his pupils had dilated even more.

Dean ran his tongue along his bottom lip, wetting it slightly. He watched Cas’s eyes move down and catch the motion before moving back to look at Dean.

Cas lowered towards Dean, their hips settling together causing Dean to gasp, Cas was only an inch away from his face now, eyes dark and hooded, Dean's hands still pinned above his head and their bodies connected waist down.

There was a sudden, loud rap on the door that caused Cas to jump up from Dean, a deep rosy flush covering his face and most likely an identical one on Dean’s.

Dean looked away from Cas, not wanting him to see this ridiculous blush or how turned on Dean had actually been. They smoothed over their clothes and walked to the door, pulling the heavy oak wood open to see who was outside.

“Sam?”

~~~

@stuff-that-is-other

If you want to be added to the tag list, just ask!

[abandoned-ax]

I’m on the team - pt 3

Pt 1 pt 2 pt 4

Summery: the first day of training camp!!

Tw!!! scratching (self harm scratching), panic attack

It’s strange, over the week the team has been super busy, practicing and studying. I helped Tsuki with Hinata and Kageyama trying to make sure they pass there exams, Iv gotten pretty close with the two, there both really fun, and watching them both struggle with classes and Tsuki scolding them is super funny. Sadly the two didn’t pass their exams and are both super upset. I remember when we were getting our test scores back i rushed to their classroom with Yams hoping to see them both super excited only to see Hinata come out pouting, and Kageyama with this super dejected look like he was super disappointed in himself for his grades. They were assured tho that they would be able to get to the training camp just a bit late!

We’re headed to the training camp, me Tsuki and yams are all sitting together, me and Tsuki on one side and yams on the seat across the isle. I’m starting to get nervous, not knowing how other teams are going to react to me being there! They don’t even know who I am, or my situation!

“Tsuki!! What if their angry! Maybe I shouldn’t have come- or-or maybe I shouldn’t have even joined, we don’t know how people are going to react!”

“It’s going to be ok (Y/N) im sure their all nice.” Yams said with this super supportive smile

“Yeah and if anyone bothers you I’ll take care of them.” Tsuki says knocking shoulders with me giving me a small smile.

“Yeah (Y/N) don’t worry! You’ve got all of us, we won’t let anything happen!” Suga says turning around, seemingly having heard me freaking out.

I sigh starting to scratch my hands a nervous habit of mine. After a minute or two Tsuki notices grabbing my hand giving me a disapproving look. He reaches down into the backpack he brought on the bus looking for something, pulling out a stress ball and hands it to me.

The rest of the bus ride me Tsuki and Yams ended up falling asleep, I guess I tired myself out with all of my stressing.

We got to Tokyo faster then I thought, the bus ride felt way to quick! But I guess that happens when you sleep, it’s like time travel.

Getting off the bus we were greeted by some guy with crazy strange rooster hair, I quickly moved to hide behind Tsuki still scared about meeting the other guys. Daichi went over to talk to rooster head while the rest of us got our bags off the bus Tanaka and Noya pushing me and Tsuki and Yams to “walk faster” and “get more excited”.

I overhear The guy Daichi is talking to saying “ your missing a few aren’t you? Wait who’s the new kid” I move closer to Tsuki hoping his tallness will hide me, “why does the new kid look so scared of me.” all I can think about is what if they’re transphobic, what if they don’t want me here, what’s going to happen when they find out. “I’ll tell you about him in a bit.” Daichi responds giving me a concerned look. Tsuki makes a comment about annoying volleyball guys while nudging me to try and get my attention, he and Yams start bickering a little bit and Noya and Tanaka are practically bouncing off the walls and it keeps me distracted.

We were pointed towards the room we’d be staying in putting our bags down and changing. I started getting more nervous, Iv never met these people before and they don’t know my situation. What if I walk on the court and someone yells at me, what if people start asking questions, what if one of them gets super angry and starts yelling at me, what if the team decides they actually side with them! What if-

“(Y/N)” it’s Tsuki and Suga, the two are standing in front of me, Suga is holding my hands and Tsuki has a hand on my back.

“Come on let’s sit down yeah,” the two move me to go sit on a windowsill I look over their shoulders and see all the guys looking at me, I don’t know why I feel so small now, I know them all, I know their not judging me, but I still feel like the piercing stare I’m getting from them is too much. I see Asahi start moving and coming to stand next to Suga on the opposite side from Tsuki.

“Hey (Y/N) I need you to breath for me ok,” he gives me a really concerned look I hadn’t even realized I was hyperventilating, taking one of my hands from Suga and putting it on his chest taking big deep breaths so that I can feel it. “In and out, in and out.” The two words being repeated like a mantra.

Once I’m breathing slightly better Tsuki starts asking questions

“are you lightheaded?”

“Kinda”

“did you eat this morning”

“no”

“why?”

“Didn’t have time.”

“Can someone go grab a granola bar or something?” I see some movement and I think it was Noya who left to go grab something for me to eat. “Are you nervous about training camp?”

“Yes” I say quietly hoping that only he can hear

“Is it because you haven’t played a real game yet.”

I shake my head, I haven’t even thought about that fact that I’m going to be playing a real game for the first time, the only people Iv played against is the team.

“Is it because your afraid people are going to be mean about your gender?”

“I- yes,”

I see everyone look around, I guess they hadn’t thought this was really that big of a deal, but for me, this isn’t something that happens normally, while they all had the door to this space opened to them, I had to hike up a mountain to just get to the door, and I’m just scared that once I get into the space that they all see as a right, is a privilege that most people like me don’t have, it isn’t a space I’m normally supposed to be in, and once you realize my situation everyone knows it.

Suga pulls on my hands making me face him. “ it’s gunna be ok (Y/N), if anyone says anything we’ll deal with it. You’ve got the team! We’re going to make sure your ok.” Suga says with a reassuring smile.

Noya quickly gets back in the room with a granola bar and a water bottle sliding in front of me to hand them both to me. “Thanks Noya” it’s a couple more minutes that I sit there catching my breath before I give everyone a nod letting them know I’m ok, everyone starts to disperse to Finnish getting ready.

Tsuki went over to his bag giving me an extra shirt he had, just like when I first stopped wearing my binder while playing. It’s a reassuring gesture. I get changed and everyone starts leaving before Tsuki grabs my hand, holding me back for a second.

“Your gunna be ok. I promise. And if you get scared or anything just let me or Suga or Daichi know and we’ll get you off the court ok?”

“Thanks Tsuki.”

Tsuki speeds up a little bit to get to yams and Daichi slows down a bit to get back to me.

“Hey I wanted to let you know before we get in there, there might be a cupule people who know your situation, mainly Kuroo the captain of Nekoma, he’s the guy from when we first show up. And I think Kenma their setter might. Him and Kuroo are close and he’s friends with hinata, and we’ll you know hinata. Other then that I’m not sure, they might have told some others but still I can’t tell you what the rest know.”

“Thanks Daichi, um did Kuroo seem chill about it when you told him?”

“Yeah, yeah definitely, I mean he was for sure surprised but, he ended up just saying ‘oh! That’s cool’ so I don’t think you have anything to worry about there.”

“Thanks Daichi.”

“Of course kid.”

We finally all get into the gym moving to get warmed up before our first game!

—————————————————————

Let’s just say we haven’t been winning much, Coach put me into Hinatas spot so Iv been playing a lot. Honestly Iv been so stressed about my gender that I didn’t have time to stress about the fact that Iv never been in a game before. Iv gotten a few good spikes in and have been blocking a bit, but I’m by no means super good! We’ve been doing lots of flying laps.

After one of our practice games with nekoma everyone was taking a break to drink some water when some guy with bleached long hair came over to me.

“Hey.” He said kind of quietly, he seemed pretty awkward like he doesn’t do this often.

“Hey?”

“Um I just wanna let you know- i mean I’m friends with hinata and he’s told me about your situation.”

“Ah I see”

“I just wanted to let you know I’m chill with it, all of us on Nekoma are, so you’ve got nothing to worry about with us.”

“Thanks. It’s uh really reassuring to hear that. I’m (Y/N)”

“Kenma.”

“It’s nice to meet you Kenma”

“So uh how long have you been playing, it’s just we did a practice game with you guys not to long again and you weren’t there.”

“Oh yeah umm I just started playing only a few weeks ago.”

“Wow really. Your pretty good for someone who’s never played before.”

“Ha thanks, but I really have my team to thank, they got me playing and have been pretty good teachers”

“I hope one of those teachers hasn’t been Hinata I’m pretty sure most of what he says to explain volleyball is sound-effects.”

“I know right! It’s like he doesn’t know words sometimes.”

“Yeah it’s really strange but you get used to it.”

“Haha I guess eventually I’ll learn to speak his strange language!”

“Yeah!” Kind of out of nowhere the guy from this morning Kuroo I think his name was wrapped an arm around Kenmas shoulders.

“Well well what do we have here! Is Kenma actually talking to someone!”

“Shut up Kuroo”

“Hi I’m Kuroo, (Y/N) right?”

“Yeah, yeah that’s me.”

“Well it’s nice to meet the newest player.” He sends me a wink, “come on Kenma our games about to start, it was nice to meet you (Y/N)!” The two walk off headed back to the court.

It’s a little bit later in the day that Hinata and Kageyama show up! Hinata taking my spot in the game, and honestly I’m grateful, this day has been exhausting.

An: hey guys! Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all liked this part!! I’m so excited to keel writing!! I take requests so if you have any please just message me!!!

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, KAT! You’ve been accepted for the role of OTHELLO. Admin Rosey: So, one thing that’s really difficult to highlight without overemphasizing is Othello’s dichotomy and his constant conflict. Sometimes you can focus so wholly on one aspect of a character that it’s overwhelming. But Kat, you write Odin so effortlessly, so FREAKING effortlessly that you capture it throughout the application as an integral part of his character -- interweaving it into the plot, the sample, even the “what drew you to this character” section. I am completely blown away and utterly terrified of what havoc you’re going to wreak on the dash. I am screaming over this application and I always will, time and time again. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Kat Age | 25 Preferred Pronouns | She/her Activity Level | OK so my classes went online and my job has cut staff in half so I have so much free time and so much muse. Listen…. LISTEN I know I’m not always reliable but it’s game time lemme say like at least twice a week, I’m here for the haul let’s write baby!!!!!!!!!!! Timezone | EST How did you find the rp? | I originally came across it in the lsrpg tag, also my girl Taryn recommended it and also I miss y’all :( Current/Past RP Accounts | These are links to inactive past accounts:

https://neosy.tumblr.com/ https://grchcmisms.tumblr.com/ https://99gael.tumblr.com/ https://halogenq.tumblr.com/ https://odinbellc.tumblr.com/ ;) https://pavellam.tumblr.com/

IN CHARACTER

Character | Othello, Odin Bello – requesting faceclaim change to Trevante Rhodes :^) What drew you to this character? |

Through my first experience writing Odin I learned a lot about both him and myself as a writer. He was initially a challenge for me because at my roots I was never someone successful in writing characters with good intent, the easier side of him being the one of violence and chaos, something that was difficult considering more often than not… that isn’t who Odin is, or more fittingly, who he wants to be. I struggled with his daily life, the man he tries so hard to be and who he’s used to becoming over the years and I realized that was the key in; the struggle. I’ve teetered around writing for a while recently, the desire and the muse not being there for me when I remembered my dear, dear, Odin and for a split second I wondered about him. Such an interesting thing, to wonder about a character, to dive deep into your mind’s eye and ask, “How is he doing, I wonder? The man of gold and copper, the being of olympus and hades? How is my boy?” And realizing the responsibility of creating and finding that out is all mine. It felt like seeing a past lover in the check out line, wide eyes as you remember the missed calls and blocked number, and realize how fuckin’ good they look today and, damn, were stupid for leaving them.

Dearest Odin, please take me back. I miss you so dearly. I’ll try hard not to leave you so suddenly this time, that was my bad.

Who am I to fool myself? My heart always brings me back to him. Feed me an optimist with nothing but a history of failure, rocks beating down on a pristine marble surface til the cracks spell misery. It’s all his fault, the pain, suffering, and failure… but he tries so hard. It’s as if he’s doomed from the beginning, the first cries from his mouth as a child, a bad omen, the first steps he takes, the small tottering of a baby, were faced in the wrong direction. Some people are born bad, some people are cultivated as such, and Odin, at his root, is a demon in disguise even despite his most valiant efforts; it’s a nature he fights everyday and, oh, the battle grows bloodier and bloodier.

The rest may look familiar to you:

I’ve always been a sucker for a good heart and bruised knuckles.

Such beauty and chaos, such destruction and uncertainty, an aching heart that slips through your fingers as you struggle to grasp it, begging it to hold still. He shakes and struggles with nature and nurture, who he should be and who he wants to be, and more importantly, what he’s become. He feels the remorse and pain of it everyday when he wakes and each night he goes to sleep – for a time he managed to be the person he worked so hard to be. It crumbled under his feet and his developing insanity, the rumble of his father’s ways breaking the ground under his skin and causing something of a snap, a moment of true obscurity. He hates himself for it, but he cannot yet again break his mold, he cannot become someone else. His will is cracking, his heart breaking.

Give me his nuance, give me his pain, give me his turmoil, and oh, please, give me his struggle; the desperate gasp of collapsed lungs and a tattered chest. I cannot stress how beautiful I find him, the feeling in my ribcage so solemn at his childhood and forthcoming, his painful attributes and breaking spirit. A man who shows his kindness through terror and bloodshed, so intent on being a good person that he’d tear the throat of a thief with his teeth.

Yes, I’ve found love.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | Where do you see this character developing, and what kind of actions would you have them take to get there? 3 future plot ideas would be preferable.

(I have new ideas but lord, do I struggle with formulating plot ideas in this format so I’m just gunna keep the same ones because of such and because I DO in fact still want to play them out.)

MEN SHOULD BE WHAT THEY SEEM //

Oh, can the flash of his teeth brighten a room. His smile is bright but, these days, so rarely genuine. He no longer knows who he is truly fighting for, what side of the coin he lays on with his copper spinning on its side in a never ending spiral. He does not know where he belongs, nor, who he truly is and it plagues him in a way that’s all too familiar, a way that feels like his mother’s comfort and his father’s recklessness, the smell of alcohol on someone’s tongue when they speak and the feeling of a caress on skin. He needs to make a choice, a permanent decision for once in his life, pick his path and follow it to the end instead of cutting through the woods once more. Who are you, Odin? His own face in the mirror becoming more unfamiliar in each passing day, a building anxiety and insanity, a hurricane creating a disaster inside him. Who are you?

His reflection tired, tainting his handsome face and false expressions, a hunger growing just under the surface, a desperation so hot; who will you be?

FOR SHE HAD EYES AND CHOSE ME //

Delilah, oh, how she filled something inside of him, and oh, how he tore into the filled space as if rabid, as if being whole was too much to bear, the filled space too heavy, and the paranoia of losing it all creasing his forehead and melting in his palms.

So he did what he does best, and he ripped through the plaster and insulation like a hammer, shattered the glass and caused the empty space to bleed. It hasn’t stopped aching, despite his insistence that it has healed, sometimes he still wakes with his shirt soaked in blood, drenched in suffering. How can he learn to forgive? He learned his lessons but the morals cannot seem to stick, the weakness he caused in his own self and the horror he caused for the woman he loved – loves, still finding its way through his mind and heart. He seeks self forgiveness just as much if not more than he seeks hers. He cannot move on without finding solace or closure but those are two things so hard to capture and accept. Sometimes, he feels so much like his father with his past misgivings it stirs disgust.

It’s time to repent.

THE GREEN EYED MONSTER //

Ivan is a scab, an infection that Odin refuses to treat. He’s become cautious, wearily aware of betrayal in the past and more on the horizon. He has a feeling, a ponderance that keeps him up at night, the sends shocks through his veins. He hates to think of his friend, his family, as a traitor, as a monster in disguise seeking to antagonize the worst parts of Odin himself, but it’s becoming harder and harder to ignore. It scrapes the back of his mind, creates an itch that he cannot scratch no matter how deep he digs, no matter if the skin starts bleeding, it won’t go away. How does he cut out another piece of his life, another piece of himself so vital? It feels like he is losing those most important to him, that they’re all turning on him and it creates nothing but fear, more paranoia and uncertainty.

He wants so desperately to be wrong, but knows what will happen if he is not.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | If anyone deserves to die at some point in this rp I feel like Odin’s a good contender to get fuckin’ GANKED

IN DEPTH

Please choose between the interview or the para sample (or both, if you like!)

In-Character Para Sample:

Act I

The sun beats down on darkened skin, wind blowing through open cruiser windows, sunglasses adorned on his face and a holder keeps track of coffees. In the daylight he glistens – not in a literal sense of glowing skin and eyes, he does not hover over the earth as if ethereal, not a streak against the sky that blinds any human eyes that dare linger, but instead in the sense that no one could ever find the man to be anything but happy. His teeth, those straight, white, teeth that come alive in a smile and clear rooms with a sneer peek from behind pulled lips in a grin. He walks with a swagger, bearing gifts in coffee for other officers and sharp humor and barked laughs for poor moods. He so easily falls into the facade of being created from nothing but light and the body of Christ, a saint in all regards except moral, light jests greeting all who perceive him and all who engage.

Well groomed, upkept and clean, there was no reason to suspect anything was amiss in the crook of his grins, the sharp of his wit, the movements of his muscles under skin. He even makes arrests like a holy man, like someone with something to lose to violence. His hands rest on the steering wheel, music plays from the stereo and he nods his head, every other line finding its way out of his lips even in no one’s presence but his own. He isn’t playing a character in the moment, enjoying the everydayness of the outside world, the warmth of the air touching his limbs and being sucked into his lungs. He feels joy, he embodies it, he hovers with it. His foot eases off the gas at the turn of a light and one hand finds itself resting outside the drivers window, head cocked to the side, heart beating steadily in his chest – firm and ever present in the strength of his pulse.

A human being in all forms; a person, a person, a person, and his phone rings.

Pulling in the parking lot he answers the call, the perspective outside leaves the voice on the other end muffled as it’s pressed to his ear, his face falling ever so slightly, car pushed into park. He nods even though the speaker cannot see him, he makes a sound of understanding as they continue and suddenly something is more solid inside of him. The fluidity, the liquid that flowed between sunlight and good music steels itself against the reality of his life, of who he is and what he is to do, the lake jostled and good-feelings distorted. It’s not for the faint of heart, not created for those with poor constitution, and he is a police officer until ten tonight; that’s what he says to the voice on the other end so they tell him to have it done by eleven. He does not hesitate until he hangs up, a sigh of the last good breath leaving his lungs. A moment of silence for what he lost.

He grabs the coffees and heads inside.

Act II

The headlights send streaks through the night, the yellow color sending shadows running rampant across the near empty field – long and sickly. The air is not still but choked, a vice grip stealing the oxygen away from those who dared attempt breathing. There stood a figure in the darkness, large shoulders over a larger frame, muscles tightened as he digs and digs, the shovel breaking the earth harshly with each bend of his arms. His breathing is rough, like a rubber band pulled to full capacity trying to bend and break to fit the expansion of his lungs. The shovel carries on.

The silence that hung heavy around the lone sound of crumbling dirt could kill in its own regard; ringing in his ears as he ignores the shower curtain wrapped in duct tape buried in the back corners of his trunk. Odin’s mind is empty to everything but the task, split skin and dried blood from his face and knuckles, the bruises adorning his ribcage. Perhaps it was self defense for the sake of defense, he threw the first punch but it was returned just as well and by then, truly, the control was lost. It was what they had wanted to happen, and he was nothing if not complicit. He supposed that was what they liked about him, another body, a bloodhound. Caving for the sake of therapy, sober by daylight and drenched in sweat and blood by nighttime –  if only to keep his sanity. He was nothing if not built of power and control in both physical and mental regards over everyone but himself.

Try to carve a better god out of wood, put him on a pedestal and pray all you’d like, the real sacrifice will come in blood much later – but this flesh and bone, that which has created the man who finds himself up to his chest in dirt standing at over six feet, he is paid now and up front. He is solid, and real.

He straightens up, dirt caked to his jeans and soiled t-shirt, sweat broken across his skin making him shine under the glare of the headlight, the sheen making him appear as if glowing under the half exposed moon. He plants his hands on the outside on the deepened earth and pulls himself out, breathing hard through his nose, a noise like a grunt, face twisted, teeth appearing behind pulled lips. He stares at the dip of the trunk, chest moving, knuckles tightening, shovel thrown to the side. He isn’t even halfway done yet; he gathers himself, and pulls the latch free.

Act III

(TW: self harm kind of)

The neighborhood is still and quiet, blackness behind every window and curtain at such an ungodly hour, the only sounds being the low rumble of the occasional car passing on the main road nearby. In the stillness there begins a movement, the shape of a tall man shaking open the gate leading to the back of a house, his clothes defiled and leaving trails. He strips in the backyard of the home; shoes, socks, shirt, and jeans forming a pile of mud and dirt by the sliding glass doors until he stands in his boxers, fingers unlocking the back door, the cold of the night wetting trails down his back and sides, whispering to his skin. He walks slowly to avoid making any noise, the sound of keys hitting the granite of a kitchen countertop. Even despite how delicately he walks, the mass of his body makes the stairs protest lowly when his feet find them.

The man first goes to the bathroom, the light flicked on as he tries to avoid his face in the mirror. He is not the same creature that caused the blood to pool in his wounds, not the same monster with dirt caked under his nails – not here, he can’t be; not in front of her. He turns on the shower, body directed towards a corner of the bathroom while he waits for the water to heat, staring blankly at the space where the two walls meet, hands twitching, brain fighting not to think, the sound of static until smoke fills the room. The adrenaline still pumps through his veins, the wild-eyed insanity created by anger and a lack of self control, the rush of the final blow still stinging in the shaking of his muscles. The water turns first brown from the dirt adorning his limbs, then becoming a far more sinister red when he submerges his face and hands, he washes himself slowly, rubbing at his back and shoulders, the sweat off of his skin, the searing pain of smoking water near boiling scalding the back of his neck. He doesn’t allow himself to think, not now, not yet. He doesn’t hum or sing, doesn’t talk to himself, but instead thinks only of his actions as they happen or nothing at all.

He doesn’t know how long he stands under the water, so hot it scalds, burns off the sin and the disgust, scrubbing and scrubbing until he could feel himself beginning to cause harm, wounding, convincing himself he’s becoming clean until he forces his hand, stopping the running water. He stands even longer still, his wet skin freezing over in the silence of the steamed room. Finally when he finds himself ready, he dries off until he feels pristine, the wash of the shower head like a baptism into the form of a different man, a new mold built into his model. Only then does he look in the mirror, eyes meeting the reflection of a handsome man, a cursed man, a martyr only in the sense of self respect and fear. His eyes are tired, his face adorning new cuts and scratches, bruises blooming his sides under skin and over muscle. He aches all over. He bares his teeth at the reflection and it does it right back, a snarl of bright white, the bones straight and sharp, and his eyes so quickly become frightening. He turns away.

Odin’s face peers around the door of a new room, hands finding covers and the soft sound of a woman waking. She turns to him, her face telling of sleep and her lips turned slightly down in a frown, her hands finding his chest, wrapping around his torso, her face in his neck, breath fanning over that damn skin of his and she says, “Long night?”

His fingers trail down the back of her shirt, fingertips pressing to the small of her exposed back stretched between her clothes and he hums quietly, face buried in her hair, body melting and moving to fit hers more comfortably, grip tight to squeeze her form, to hold onto something solid, to find his anchor. “Always, baby. Go back to sleep.” He says in a low voice, something comfortable, something familiar there, as if he’s smiling. She makes a noise of acceptance, curling even further towards him, as if a safety, sinking even further as his fingers trail up and down her back, soothing, as to not allow her to be distraught. Delilah was always the one he worried about, not concerning himself with the rotting inside his own chest, the ache of something breaking within him. He fights with the inability to sleep while the rush of the night still feeds inside of him. He does not concern himself with what little is left of him because while he is with her he is safe from the part of himself that only consumes, he is not concerned with the fragility of his own being, not while he breathes in the heat radiating off of l'amore della sua vita.

Meanwhile, miles and miles away, something begins to rot under the cover of freshly turned Earth.

Extras: I made a tag for him a long time ago and haven’t touched it much since tbh but like I'ma probably add stuff the next few days so this 4 u: https://hypnosreigns.tumblr.com/tagged/character:%20odin%20bello

[chuffyfan87]

Growing Pains. Part 19a

Cowritten with @disastrousintention. Trigger warning for discussion of depression.

-x-

Sarah sighed as she looked up at the clock again. It was almost 3am and still no sign of AJ. He'd promised her that he'd stop doing this, that he would knuckle down and take his responsibilities seriously. It seemed to be just words. Especially the closer the baby got to being born.

She'd tried to stop him going out as she'd been suffering with terrible back pain for several days now but he didn't seem to care. Last time he'd gone out he'd disappeared for two days before arriving back home still drunk and smelling of another woman's perfume.

Sarah knew she deserved better but what could she do? She was having a baby, she was essentially homeless and the pay on maternity leave wasn’t exactly great. She moved out of bed to get a glass of water when she doubled over in pain. Fuck!

She desperately tried to rationalise that it was just braxton hicks again, she'd had them frequently through the pregnancy but she couldn't help panicking as the pains continued as she made her way slowly to the kitchen.

She grabbed her phone off the kitchen table and tried to call AJ. Cursing under her breath when it went through to voice mail.

Where the hell was he this time?! He'd promised not to turn his phone off!

She closed her eyes as another pain tore through her. Fuck! These weren’t Braxton Hicks! Able to pull herself together for a few seconds, Sarah found Duffy’s phone number in her contact list and rang her. She was running out of options!

It took a few moments but eventually a very sleepy sounding Duffy answered her phone. "Hello?" She yawned.

“Duffy...”

"Sarah?" Duffy's voice was clouded by sleep and confusion.

“The baby.”

"What baby?" Duffy asked as she sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes.

“I think... Fuck.” Sarah closed her eyes tightly, dropping the phone onto the counter.

"Sarah? Sarah?"

“It really fucking hurts!” Sarah mumbled.

"OK... Right..." Duffy shook herself more awake. "Is anyone with you?"

“Can’t get hold of AJ. Didn’t want to ring but fast running out of options.”

"OK, have your waters broken sweetheart?" Duffy asked as she attempted to get dressed one handed.

“Not yet.”

"That's good. Have you called an ambulance?"

“Again, not yet. I panicked.”

"Its ok. I need to hang up so I can finish getting dressed and drive over. Can you text me your address? If your waters break and there's blood before I get there you need to call an ambulance ok?"

“I got it.” Sarah nodded, “Thank you.” After Duffy hung up the phone, Sarah texted Duffy her address and pottered around the room for a while - trying to ignore the contractions. She wasn’t ready for any of this.

It was about twenty minutes later when Duffy knocked on Sarah's door. She'd left a note for Charlie to explain where she'd disappeared to.

It took Sarah several minutes to open the door.

"How often are the pains?" Duffy asked as she entered the house.

“I’m supposed to count them?” Sarah asked. “About five minutes or so.”

"Sorry I should have told you to."

“I don’t think I can do this.” Sarah replied. “I don’t want to do this.”

"I'm afraid you don't have a lot of choice right now." Duffy replied, squeezing Sarah's shoulder. "Is there somewhere we can go where you can lie down so I can check on how things are progressing?"

“The bedroom.” Sarah mumbled and moved to the bedroom. However, she had to stop half way when she felt another contraction.

"Just focus on your breathing Sarah. In and out. Nice and slowly."

Sarah focused on her breathing, breathing in and out.

They finally made it through to the bedroom and Sarah lay down on the bed.

"I'm afraid this is going to be uncomfortable but I'll be as gentle as I can ok?" Duffy reassured her.

Sarah nodded. She stared at the ceiling, just as a tear rolled down her cheek.

After she'd examined Sarah, Duffy sat back. "You're six centimetres dilated. Waters are still intact. Do you want me to give you a lift to the maternity suite?"

“You don’t have to. I shouldn’t have called you... Sorry...”

"You shouldn't be on your own."

“I guess I should get used to it.”

"I've told you before, you're not on your own!"

Sarah shrugged. “I just want to get this over with.”

"Do you have your hospital bag packed?"

“Yeah, it’s there.” Sarah gestured over to the corner where there was a bag and two suitcases packed.

"Wow! You intending on staying there for a week?" Duffy couldn't help but giggle.

“I was hoping I’d have a few days before little miss made an appearance to move out but, clearly not.”

"So that's all your stuff?"

“Yeah.”

"Do you have somewhere to go?"

“I’ll stay here.”

"You don't seem so sure..." Duffy commented as she picked up the bag and cases.

“I’ll find something.”

"Anyway, let's worry about that once your little girl is safely here OK?"

Sarah nodded and rubbed her stomach.

Duffy gave her an encouraging smile. "You'll be surprised what you're capable of, trust me."

“Or maybe I’m not, there’s only one way to find out.” Sarah said quietly before she cried out, a stronger contraction knocking the wind out of her.

"Right, as soon as that's over let's get moving."

There was suddenly a trickle of water down her legs and Sarah groaned. “Oh fucking hell.”

Duffy placed the bags on the floor once more. "OK, change of plan, back on the bed."

Sarah got back onto the bed.

Duffy quickly examined the young woman again. "Right, looks like this little lady has other plans. I'm going to call an ambulance for backup."

“You can’t be serious?” Sarah swallowed.

"Don't worry, it's all going to be OK."

The pains were becoming a lot stronger and Sarah began to curse a lot more.

"Right the ambulance is on its way. You can do this."

“Some people make this look bloody easy!” Sarah muttered.

"I hope you're not including me in that!" Duffy chuckled darkly.

“No.” Sarah screamed. “I can’t do this!”

"You can."

“AJ is never sticking his dick in me again!! Or any man! Ever!”

Duffy couldn't help but laugh.

There was a sudden loud crash at the door. On opening it Duffy found AJ slumped on the doorstep drunk. "Nice of you to join us." She remarked bitterly.

“Huh?” AJ frowned.

“Fuck off AJ! You piece of shit!!” Sarah screeched from the bedroom.

"You're about to become a dad so I suggest getting your shit together pronto!" Duffy informed him. As he looked up she noticed his eyes. She sighed. "Are you high as well as drunk?"

AJ shrugged, “May have had a few pills.”

“I don’t want him to come to the hospital!” Sarah shouted, “He can stay here!”

The two sides of Duffy's professional brain vied for her attention. Hearing Sarah scream again she made her decision. "You go sit on the sofa and don't move!" She told AJ before heading back to the bedroom.

“When I can walk again, I’m going to fucking kill him!” Sarah was agitated and wound up.

"Just focus on yourself and the baby."

“The baby he begged me not to get rid of saying we could make it work! All whilst he’s busy screwing fuck knows who and doing god knows what!!” Sarah’s heart rate began to accelerate higher.

"Sweetheart you need to focus on your breathing."

“You should’ve let me lie!” Sarah mumbled, trying to focus on her breathing that had become faster.

Five minutes later, with AJ passed out on the sofa, they were in the ambulance on their way to the hospital.

The paramedic had given him the once over and decided that he was OK to just sleep it off.

“I need to push!” Sarah groaned.

"We're almost there." Duffy told her, giving Josh a pointed look in the rear view mirror.

“I’m tired.” Sarah murmured.

"On the next contraction I want you give me a big push ok?"

Sarah nodded. On the next contraction, she gave a big push.

"Good girl! Keep going, you're doing great!"

Sarah continued pushing. “Fucking hell!” She yelled.

"OK, just breath now for a moment. That's the head out."

Sarah began to breath again. She couldn’t help the tears that rolled down her cheeks.

Duffy reached out to squeeze Sarah's hand. "On the next contraction we're gunna go for the shoulders ok? You're nearly there."

Sarah didn’t make a sound as she pushed again on the next contraction.

"Good girl! That's the shoulders. If you still feel the contraction then keep pushing."

Sarah kept pushing, eventually delivering her daughter.

Duffy wrapped the baby in a blanket just as they arrived at the hospital. "Oh Sarah she's beautiful!"

Sarah was silent.

After cutting the cord Duffy rose with the baby in her arms, bringing her round to Sarah who had her head turned away. "Do you want to hold her?"

Sarah was silently crying. She shook her head.

The back doors of the ambulance opened.

Mother and baby were taken straight to the Maternity Ward.

Duffy was extremely worried as still Sarah seemed to want nothing to do with her newborn daughter.

“I’m tired.” Sarah whispered as she glanced at Duffy and her daughter.

"I'm not surprised, giving birth is tiring work. I just... I think it might help if you were to hold her, even just for a short while..."

“I don’t want to.”

"Can you tell me why you don't?"

“I’m tired.”

Duffy sighed. "Do you have a name for her?"

Sarah shook her head.

"You need a name don't you poppet?" Duffy cooed at the baby.

Sarah watched Duffy with the baby.

After a few minutes the baby started to fidget. "She's hungry." Duffy told Sarah. "Do you want to try feeding her?"

“No.”

"Do you want me to go make her a bottle?"

“Whatever.” Sarah shrugged.

"Can you hold her while I do?"

Sarah shook her head. “I don’t want to hold her. Will you put her in the cot?”

"OK. Or I can take her with me if you'd prefer?"

“Whichever.” Sarah shrugged once more.

Duffy took the baby with her to get a bottle. By the time she returned Sarah was fast asleep so after feeding the newborn Duffy took her to the nursery and sat with her so she wasn't alone. She was still there a couple of hours later when Charlie arrived at the hospital to start his shift.

“Hi.” The first thing Charlie did before his shift was see how Sarah and the baby were getting on, knowing this was probably where Duffy was.