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fayeimara · 4 years

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Meant To Be Series || One For Every Billion

Episode 4. If You're A Masochist

Putting your phone away after posting your latest update, you look around one more time for either of your cousins. The oldest, Ren, had left you with his brother Shin, strictly telling him not to leave you alone before he met back up with you both. But then you convinced Shin to call the car and drop off the bags you'd overloaded him with, agreeing to meet back here this cute café. It had been pretty easy to convince him, seeing as how you could barely make him out over the bags and boxes of items you'd bought for your friends and family back home. It was fair play, after all, you'd brought just as many gifts with you for your cousins here when you'd arrived.

Smiling as you tip the cup of coffee up to your lips, you consider if you've harassed him enough for the day or if you should top it off by ordering him something he'll hate just to see that distressed look on his face. He deserves it for the prank he pulled on you a few days ago, when they picked you up from the station, literally scaring you half silly when he snuck up from behind you, grabbed you, and started to run. You were pretty worried because not a single person in the busy terminal had tried to stop him even though you were clearly (momentarily) terrified and not aware of who had 'kidnapped' you until he'd finally put you down. You guess you should have expected this with him though, given you both have always messed around with each other, pulling fun pranks and stupid stunts, since the two of you were kids, but you'd gotten completely complacent since you'd last seen these oh so lovely cousins of yours.

If there was any doubt on whether you had any payback planned for Ren, well, he was the one who'd grabbed not only your bags but also several pictures of your embarrassing slip in composure, i.e. your briefly terrified face, and shared it with the world. So yeah, you were sure he was sleeping with an eye open for the time being, which is why you would call on your considerable patience before hitting him subtly and satisfyingly when he least expected it.

With that in mind, you head back to the counter to place another order and then ask if there are any specialty dessert shops in the area. Happy to hear of one pretty close, you're sure you'll be able to quickly head over and back before Shin returns.

The shop is as incredible as promised because it only takes them about ten minutes to prepare your custom order of mochi with a spicy twist. Trying one out, you can't help but enjoy the sweet flavour and texture even if you're disappointed that it doesn't seem to have the effect you were hoping for, until you feel the heat slowly build the more you chew. Oh. Oh my. Oh my g- Mouth burning, you quickly gulp at the coffee still in your hand to try and relieve the pain. Okay so.. it's perfect! Cue evil laugh.

You thank the brilliant artisans, because that's what they are, and promise to leave a review on your way out. It's not until you're walking by an alley (how typical, right?) between shops on your way back to the cat café, that you're pulled from your thoughts of not-so-sweet revenge.

"Give it up, kid." It's nothing alarming at first. Not until you hear the next cry.

"Don't touch me! Leave me alone!"

Um. What?

You've stopped even before you turn your head to look in at a couple older guys surrounding a little kid. Seriously, what's with the cliché? You honestly thought this only happened in anime but you guess dummies always prove people wrong.

Debating who you should call, because you're not going to assume adding yourself to the equation alone is going to be any help, you quickly look around only to realize that the only people passing by near or across the street either don't seem to care, or aren't the kind of people you'd feel comfortable asking for any assistance from. People can call you out on stereotyping but really, where's the kind but strong elderly gentleman or tough, no nonsense, do-gooder woman when you need one??

"Hey!" The tears in the kid's voice draw you back, with your head whipping around to witness one of the bullies reach out to grab his collar. Quick kid, he manages to dodge even if barely but he's about to be blindsided by one of the other guys.

You don't even have time to sigh at your stupidity as you run up between them as fast as you can, slapping the second guy's hand away from where it was reaching for the kid's arm.

With that loud sound and dramatic entrance, all eyes are now on you, but the element of surprise does provide enough time for you to pull the boy behind you and back the two of you up a bit so you're both not completely surrounded.

Okay, this kid barely reaches over your hip, he can't be older than about 6 or 7 maybe, what's he doing here alone?

"Well, well. What do we have here?" The first guy that had tried to grab the kid's collar studies you. You want to say his voice is annoying or that he's an ugly creep but he's just an average guy of about a few years older than you. The only distinct feature are his glasses and that's probably because you don't typically think of wannabe thugs in glasses. Again, so sue you for you conventional stereotypes, but you're in a kind of delicate situation to be worried about thinking inside the box.

"Why don't you tell me," You shoot back, pretty upset about this pathetic tableau, "since it looks like three guys old enough to know better than to bully little kids."

The third guy hasn't done much until now but he laughs at your statement and, okay, at least his laugh is kind of annoying, like a dumb donkey's braying. You hope he's trying to fake an evil laugh or something and that's not his real one? Seriously, it sounds forced and fake so you hope for his sake it really is or no one will trust him once they hear it if that's all he has to work with for the rest of his life. You're tempted to say that to his face, but you've also been told by your friends that your reckless impulses tend to escalate the situation when you need the opposite so you hold back.

Because you're outnumbered. With only a crying kid at your back, quite too literally.

"Oh no, we're not bullying him. He's my kid brother, you know? We were just messing with him since he was being a brat and grabbed the new games we just bought."

You hesitate, thinking it over. Did you make assumptions and jump in too fast? He didn't call out for help or say anything specific to indicate he didn't know these guys. You don't want to turn away to look him over, but he had been holding something clutched against his side.

You feel a little hand clench into the back of your dress and a couple tugs follow, so without turning away, you cast your gaze down and meet teary hazel eyes that are peering up with a little hope among the fear, "He's lying, oneesan, I don't know them."

"Ahh, stop lying and dragging the nice, pretty girl into this." Second guy speaks up, trying to reach around you to grab the kid, but you quickly shift the both of you back a bit more. You realize the wall is just behind you, if the kid's gasping sob means anything. You're out of space to maneuver.

So...you're in a tough spot, you've got your hands literally full and you're up against three guys that are definitely living up to your first impression of them. You don't really have time to think it over as 'glasses' loses patience and reaches for you directly, grabbing your arm that's holding the trick mochi and trying to pull you forward. "What's this? Maybe we should take it for the trouble you've added by interfering in a family issue."

"How about this instead?" And before you can pity the loss, you've thumbed off the lid to your delicious hot coffee that you guess won't get to finish drinking, and toss it in his face.

"Arhggh!" Wow, high pitched for a tough guy, but you really can't think about that right now. Goodbye, coffee, your sacrifice is appreciated.

"What the hell, you crazy b-"

"Don't bother, dumbass, it's probably not hot enough to permanently scar him at this point." True story, you like your coffee cooled down more than most.

They're staring at you like you're crazy but it's really just the recklessness you're known for. Although you should have held on to that reminder of your friends' warnings that ran through your head earlier because the situation has definitely been escalated if the mean, hateful looks that are appearing from behind their fake polite masks are anything to go by. They clearly weren't even trying that hard to pretend. While the second guy is supporting his friend who's flailing, 'Fake laugh' reaches for you, this time angled for the collar of your dress or even your neck, "You stupid bitch."

Oh okay. Well, I'm so sorry for my impertinence, god. This is payback for the mochi prank, isn't it? You actually roll your eyes upwards for a split second with that thought.

Then you prepare to drop the maybe-unlucky box for the coming fight but just before his hand reaches you, another suddenly shoots out and grabs it. Hard.

"Don't you know how to treat women, buddy?" Wow, now that's a nice voice.

Shifting your eyes to your left without turning your head, you catch sight of a handsome bedheaded guy about your age. You would probably be all heart eyes in any other situation- who are you kidding? This is literally the perfect situation.

"I don't think he does, but that's probably because he has zero experience with them." Yay, your mouth can run freely with your attitude now that you have some back up. Not that it stopped you earlier, though..

This new guy shifts his gaze to meet yours and looks pretty surprised at your smirky smile (yes you're calling it that). Why so surprised though? You guess you should have been crying or even praising this god for stepping in. Whatever, he's just a boy. Even if he is drool worthy.

He studies you and pauses briefly on the redness marking your wrist from where one of the guys had grabbed you and then his golden eyes flick down to the boy hidden behind you before focusing a steady stare back on the bullies, "I think you should leave before I really get pissed off."

He must be a magician because they vanish pretty fast after his low declaration, supporting their friend who's managed to wipe most of your precious coffee off of his slightly reddened face. Looks like, he'll live to be a dumbass another day. Could've told them that and avoided the escalation. Oh wait, you pretty much did, right?

The guy is turning back to you after watching them leave the alley and you reach for the little kid with the hand that once held your coffee. Feeling his little hand slip into yours, you start to walk the two of you towards the street while keeping your body angled so you don't completely turn your back on this new guy. You swear the amount of times you've had a situation like this turn into something unexpected is a little unnatural. "Wow. Well... Thank you, stranger, for your help."

He narrows those stunning eyes on you but you don't think he's angry, just a little confused for a moment, before he realizes you're equally wary of him. He moves out of the alley after you both, but thankfully not too closely, because you have to turn your back on him so you don't trip or walk into anyone once you reach the main street.

"It's Kuroo. Kuroo Tetsuro."

You silently startle around at the sound of his voice coming from a lot closer to you than expected but compose yourself quickly so as not to offend him by whirling around in alarm.

"Oh, uh.. nice to meet you." Okay, you both should be safe now. You turn back to face him and the kid is now glued to your side, tiny hands gripping your dress with both hands, one at your back and one at the front. At least it's not silk because that would leave quite the wrinkles. "Anyways... we have to get going now to find whoever lost this little guy."

His arm moves up, rubbing his hand in his hair at the back of his sheepishly tilted head. Probably can't get his hair any messier at this point. "That would be me."

"What?" You raise a disbelieving eyebrow. Always the unlikeliest odds with you and really, what are they anyways here in this situation? But it turns out he's not kidding and you're not misunderstanding.

"I'm the one who lost him. That's my little cousin you're trying to walk away with."

"Hey!" You protest his teasing implication, before looking down at the boy. The other guys tried this too, though.

So you delicately crouch down (aware you're in a dress and heeled ankle boots that could spell impending disaster if you lose your balance) to make sure you're at eye level with the kid. He's not crying anymore, but not looking happy or relieved either. Just staring back at you steadily, a little like the calm gaze of this other guy, actually, but let's not go with confirmation bias. Maybe he's just not an overly excitable kid to begin with.

"Do you know this guy?" You ask softly. He told the truth before, under the stress of a pretty scary situation, after all.

He looks over and up at the tall teen claiming to be his cousin before nodding. "Oh." You give the little boy a reassuring smile before leaning in to whisper in his ear, "Can I ask your name?"

And when you turn your ear to him so he can whisper a reply, you hear, "Itsuki."

Giving him another sweet smile, you stand back up and he's glommed right back onto your side. You meet the bedhead's eyes with your own slightly narrowed but steady too, and settle on a serious expression with an eyebrow raised. He hasn't looked away from you even once but that's fair considering you might actually be trying to take away his little cousin... whom he's lost already once today, if we're all being honest.

"What's his name?"

He raises an eyebrow to match yours, stance indicating he's in no rush but expression definitely amused, "You mean Itsuki?"

"Yeah.. okay, then." You look back down at the boy who's reluctantly releasing you as Kuroo moves closer to you both, your smile back on my face. "It was really nice to meet you, Itsuki. Thank you for being so brave and strong back there. I couldn't have sent those bullies away without you!"

"Or me?" Kuroo asks but it's not really a question more like an amused statement sliding into remind you that he did save you both in the end. Isn't he a little too close for politeness?

"I suppose." Now you have tilt your head back to look at him again. Argh, why is it like a compulsion to just stare your life away when you look into those eyes? "Thank you, then.. Kuroo."

"Not that you needed my help." Ohh, he's smirking at you and it. is. something. "You looked like you were mostly holding your own before I stepped in."

You laugh, because he's really just being nice and you don't know what expression your face might make after seeing his smirk if you don't pick amusement, "Pretty sure it was painfully obvious who brought the most advantage on our side if it came to a fight... and it wasn't me."

"Oya? Our side, huh? And what's your criteria for assessing that advantage?"

And before you can stop yourself, his question has you looking him up and down like.. like you're checking him out. Cue your blush. Ugh. You pass it off and try to push through, "What? I'm not supposed to notice that you have the physical advantage over me?"

Yeah, you worded that deliberately and wouldn't change it for anything because it's so worth it to see the red lightly tint his own cheeks. Yeah, I see your thoughts went there.

"Anyways," You start to step backwards, "Really, thank you."

You turn away to walk over to the coffee shop just another door down.

"Wait," You look over to see both Itsuki and Kuroo catch up to you quickly, the latter now holding on to the former gently but firmly, "I should be thanking you. You did step in to help my cousin when not many others would."

"Oya?" You copy his cute phrase with a look at him from the corner of your eyes and a teasing smile of your own, "How do you know he didn't step in to help me?"

"Somehow I doubt that." The three of you come to a stop in front of the coffee shop and Kuroo's distracted for a second, "Wait, this is your stop?"

"Yeah, why?"

He chuckles, "Ours too. We'd just stopped in here ourselves when Itsuki wandered away." We?

"Oh, I was here a little earlier too, but I needed to grab.." You lift the box, ".. this, for someone. I left my order here though."

"You lose your coffee often or just an addict?"

"Haha. Neither. It's... a thing. You'd think I'm horrible if I explain."

"I doubt I'd ever think that at this point. Can I pay for your new order and you can tell me about it over your next cup? You know, as a thank you for putting yourself in a dangerous situation for my cousin." Why does he make that sound both grateful and like a stern admonishment at the same time?

"I covered it already and it wasn't really for me. But I really appreciate the offe-"

You're cut off by the door opening and Shin bursting through with a very exasperated look on his face. Whoops, guess you took too long. He immediately starts complaining, "Where have you been?! Imagine my worry when I arrive here and you're gone! You promised you'd wait here."

Another guy has walked out behind him but you ignore that because you see that Shin's holding the drink you got him, but that has your name on it, and can't help but point out both literally and dryly, "Clearly so worried, you picked up my order in the meantime?"

"Hey, there are two drinks so I figured one was mine! But they're both awful!" Of course he tried them both. His face turns into a sad pout, "Why would you order such sour drinks when you know I hate them! And I know you do too! So... do you really hate me for that little thing? You've been so mean today."

You chuckle because this is literally the perfect opportunity. Well, actually, Kuroo is still standing by politely with Itsuki, watching you both with interest, but that other guy has walked up to them and is now also standing there. Is he gaming out here? Never mind.

You give Kuroo an apologetic smile with a finger held up to indicate you'll be a moment and then turn back to offer the box you've been holding onto this whole time to your dear cousin. "I can't imagine why you'd feel that way, but I did get you this, too. You can't have it all though, it's also for Ren."

He reaches for the box when you pop it open and happily exclaims, "Mochi? Aw, I take it back, you're the best!" before proceeding to pop two in his mouth. Oh. Uh-oh.

Okay then, closing the box, you walk back over to Kuroo as Shin happily munches away behind you. "Sorry, yes, I appreciate the offer but as you can see, I have my hands full with-"

"Ahhh! OMG, my mouth is burning!!! What is this?" Is he crying? He's definitely chugging that 'horrible' drink. "I take it back that I took it back. You do hate me. And for what?! I'm sorry I tried to kidnap you, okay?! Ahhh! Make it stop-"

He keeps rambling, even while alternating between choking down the sour drink and pausing for quick panting breaths every now and then, as tears actually run down his face. Even the gamer boy is momentarily distracted watching. You can't help the satisfied smile that stretches across your face as you watch Shin dissolve into tortured agony from the corner of your eyes and finish your sentence "-a pretty troublesome commitment already."

Kuroo looks a little worried but definitely way more amused, "I thought that box was something really special, the way you held onto it the whole time."

"Yeah, even in exchange for my precious coffee-" You wipe away a pretend tear and swear he mutters 'so you are an addict' under his breath before you finish, "but it was worth the revenge, wouldn't you say?"

"Well... He tried to kidnap you?"

"Ugh, don't ask. It was a stupid prank that I briefly fell for. But I think he won't try getting me back for a while. At least a week of peace."

"So.. don't mess with you, is what I'm hearing."

You laugh at his accurate interpretation, "Pretty much. Or do, if you're a masochist."

He looks slightly awed and a whole lot intrigued when he states, "At first I thought you were some incredible angel.. but you're pretty much more an incredible devil, aren't you?

"Incredible, either way? I'll take it." You smirk, thinking of the irony he'll probably never understand.

"How about my request for a name?"

"Isn't it Kuroo Tetsuro?"

"I'm asking for your name, Kitten." He's a little exasperated and just a smidge embarrassed that you made him spell it out. I mean, you like that he's all witty and smooth but... you really like a guy's direct side, too.

You do still smile and tease a little more, "Kitten could work, given the irony..." He gives you an unamused look, but you were continuing anyway, "But since you asked so nicely.. I'm Y/-"

"Oi!" Ren is standing across the street with the car, door open, "I've been looking for you. It's time to go."

"Oh," You look back at Kuroo who's still looking at Ren a split second longer before focusing back on you, "I'm sorry, I have to go!" You smile at him apologetically then face Itsuki, slightly crouched, to give him a bright smile, "Bye Itsuki! Take care and don't wander off again!"

You don't have time to say anymore than those goodbyes to the pair of cousins before your own is dragging you away, cursing you out and swearing he'll get you back. He's listing a lot of pretty creative ideas, silly boy, you'll just use them before he can.

You check both sides of the road as he's pulling you across since it doesn't look like he's going to but you both make it safely to Ren who just gives the two of you a droll look. "You guys definitely didn't listen to me."

He didn't even pose it as a question. You just shrug and give him a kiss on the cheek before sliding into the back of the sleek car, followed by Shin and then Ren, who calls out to let the driver know to take you all home. Maybe you glance out the tinted windows to steal one last look at Kuroo before the car starts to move away. Maybe you see that he's looking too, he's staring at the car but his mouth is moving and when it stops, the gamer boy says something back.

The last thing you see before the car pulls away completely and you can't see anymore is Itsuki pulling Kuroo back towards the café and he takes one last look your way before heading inside with his friend following.

You turn back around, not realizing you'd shifted your whole body. Ren is looking at you oddly so you just raise an eyebrow at him, but smile when Shin happily exclaims, "Hey Ren, we got you some treats too!"

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Masterlist

Behind The Scenes!

-Kuroo not only didn't get Y/n's name, but was pretty curious as to her close relationship with the two guys that we know as Shin and Ren

-If she had to measure, Y/n felt about the same level of attraction and connection with Kuroo as she did with Oikawa when she first bumped into him at the boba shop; he was interesting but still just a casual, fun encounter in the end

-Gamer boy was obviously Kenma, yeah?

-Is it funny for anyone else that Bokuto is liking or retweeting the posts about Y/n? Or is it just me because I clearly know too much?

-Itsuki is non-canon, if you weren't sure :(

A/N: I really like how this one turned out, I don't know why. It could have something to do with the fact that I've been a Kuroo simp the longest but I dunno, it just... flowed. And I barely even chewed over the edits.

Btw, if you guys ever see first-person POV (my, me, I, us, we) or 'Faye', it's probably a good time to restate that this started out as a purely self-indulgent imagining, which is why I write most seamlessly as myself in the scenarios. I then change it over to 'Y/n' and reader perspective during multiple levels of edits so you all can hopefully enjoy the story/scenarios too, but it can (and likely will) still slip through sometimes. Just let me know, and I'll fix it, thank you :) <3

Taglist: @delusivist

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a-blue-secret · 4 years

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GENRES: non-idol au, taegyu are fiances, yeonbin are married, not angsty but sad, but it has a happy ending I promise

PAIRING: taegyu, side of yeonbin

WARNINGS: Descriptions of schizophrenia, Beomgyu is dead before the au begins, Taehyun faints but it's nothing major

WORD COUNT: 7.8k+

A.N.: I understand that mental illness is a sensitive topic. Therefore, I have tried to make my account of it as accurate as possible. If I have gotten anything wrong, please just kindly inform me for the next time I may write something like this. -now on ao3 here-

SUMMARY: “Taehyun, please. All jokes aside. Do you… can you actually see him?” Yeonjun asked seriously.

“What do you mean? Of course. I know my fiance anywhere.”

“Ex-fiance, since he’s dead,” Yeonjun muttered: not bitterly, just in a matter-of-fact way. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Taehyun, do you think Beomgyu may just be, you know, part of your… hallucinations?”

People passed by Taehyun, offering their condolences, smiling sympathetically. He smiled back, slightly confused, but took their condolences in his stride.

"Mr. Kang, I understand you were the fiance of Choi Beomgyu?”

“I- yes, I am,” Taehyun answered the old man, slightly confused. The man’s gaze softened, and he patted Taehyun’s arm reassuringly.

“Choi Beomgyu was a good man. Being here, at his funeral… it reminded me of what a wonderful person he was. I am glad I had the pleasure to teach him and know him, before his untimely passing. My condolences, sir.” The man bowed, smiling at Taehyun as he moved away. Taehyun shook his head, confused. Everyone kept on saying Beomgyu was gone. Gosh, that boy really had tricked so many people.

It was odd, really. Taehyun was sitting at home one minute, peacefully drinking a cup of tea, waiting for Beomgyu to come home, but then the next thing he knew he was standing in a black suit in church, everyone weeping over a mahogany box. He just didn't understand it. Nothing was making sense. Taehyun frowned and rubbed his nose. It all started when that pesky police person turned up at his door one night.

-----

Taehyun opened the door, smiling brightly at the person. "Oh hello! You're one of those…police dudes right?"

"Yes, I-I am. Would you happen to be Kang Taehyun?"

"That would be me. How do you do?"

"I am doing, um, fine thank you very much. May I come in?"

"So you're telling me… Gyu is… what? He's 'passed on'?"

The police officer nodded gravely. "Unfortunately so, sir. We are devastated that it had to happen this way. The other car driver has apologised profusely, says he'll pay whatever compensation you need. I know that you will be devastated by this news, as I understand he was your fiance and to have him go so suddenly-" Taehyun could only stand there as the officer's words washed over him. "-again, our deepest condolences, sir."

Taehyun shook his head. "No. He's not gone."

"I understand that it will be difficult for you to process this-"

"No, you don't understand. He- he can't be gone!" Taehyun looked around, for any piece of evidence that Beomgyu was still alive. Suddenly, his face relaxed into a relieved smile. "You're being silly. He's not gone. He's standing right there!"

"What?”

The officer looked to where Taehyun was pointing, confused. "W-Where?"

Taehyun sighs. Honestly, were they blind? Beomgyu was right there. He could see him standing behind the officer, clear as day. He was going to say so, but then Beomgyu pressed a finger to his lips secretively. Taehyun widened his eyes with understanding. Ah, this must be a prank! They're pranking the officer!

"N-nothing, officer," Taehyun said instead. "I- just my brain playing tricks on me."

The police officer smiles sympathetically. They bow, and head for the door. "My condolences. I'm sure Beomgyu was a great man."

Taehyun smiled and saw the officer out. Once he'd closed the door, he spun around, looking for Beomgyu.

"Darling?" he called. "The police are gone now. You can come out." Beomgyu didn't answer him. Odd. Well, perhaps he was in a tricksy mood today. Taehyun shrugged. "Well, I'm going to bed now. You come up when you're ready." Turning away, he swore he heard Beomgyu's gleeful giggle come from behind him. He turned around, smiling at the sound. "Come on, Gyu," he laughed. "It's late. We should get to bed."

-----

From that day onwards, people that Taehyun and Beomgyu knew would turn up at their doorstep, tear stains on their faces. They'd hand Taehyun gifts, draw him in for big hugs, and even burst into tears. Taehyun didn't quite understand what was going on, but judging from how their friends talked it seemed that Beomgyu had pulled a prank to make everyone believe he had passed away. He accepted the gifts with a slight smile, rubbed their backs when they cried, and allowed himself to be drawn into hugs.

"We'll organise the funeral," Soobin had said tearfully, clutching Taehyun's hands tightly. "We promise to give him the most beautiful send-off. Don't you worry."

Yeonjun had given him kisses on each cheek repeatedly. "Gyu meant so much to us as well. We can only imagine how hard it must be for you."

"We're here for you," Hueningkai had promised. "I know you're probably putting on a brave front for us, but I promise you don't have to. We'll understand if you cry."

Seeing his friends so teary and distraught made Taehyun tear up a little too. Their obviously upset faces made him feel a little guilty about the prank Beomgyu had pulled, so he'd leaned forward confidentially and confessed.

"Guys, it's a prank," he whispered. "Gyu-hyung is still alive. It's all a prank."

His friends had looked at each other in an almost sad way.

"Taehyun-ah," Yeonjun said gently. "Is this… is this how you've been trying to cope?"

Taehyun blinked, confused. "What are you talking about? It is a prank. Beomgyu said so."

Soobin sighed, and wrapped an arm around Taehyun. "It's okay, it's okay. We can't believe it either. There's nothing wrong with trying to imagine he's still here, Taehyun, but it's not healthy. We'll have to accept he's gone."

Taehyun squirmed out of the hug. "No, you don't understand. It is really a prank. I can show you. Beomgyu?" He turned around and called for the elder, walking towards the bottom of the stairs in order for him to yell upstairs. "Darling? Come on, we need to prove to Binnie-hyung and the others that it's a prank. Beomgyu? Come on!”

Soobin walked up to Taehyun and attempted to wrap his arms around him again. "It's okay to be in denial, Taehyun."

"He's just being temperamental," Taehyun explained. "I didn't give him a good morning kiss this morning, so he's grumpy." Taehyun frowned. "Although to be fair, he'd woken up before me and decided he wanted to play hide and seek. So it's not really my fault I didn't have time to give him a kiss."

Soobin looked over at Yeonjun and Hueningkai, who had walked over to join them.

"Babe, he's really in denial," Soobin said to Yeonjun. The eldest simply sighed.

"Look, Taehyun. We'll organise the funeral. Heck, we'll pay for everything, even the gravestone. Okay? It's okay to cry over it. It's okay."

Taehyun looked at him, confused. They really didn't get it, huh? "... Sure. You can do that. But trust me, Gyu'll reveal it's a prank soon enough, so don't actually spend money."

Hueningkai's eyes had welled up, and he suddenly snatched Taehyun out of Soobin's grip and pulled him into a big hug of his own.

"It's okay to be scared, Taehyunie," Hueningkai whispered. "We'll be here for you."

Taehyun didn't know what to say to that. He patted Hueningkai's back comfortingly, letting himself be hugged. "Thanks, Hyuka."

Hueningkai leaned back, but kept his hands on Taehyun's shoulders, looking at him with wet eyes. He smiled through tears. "It'll be okay," he said, nodding as if to convince himself. "It'll be okay."

-----

That all happened three weeks ago. Now, Taehyun was getting ready to go to church for a special service. Yeonjun had told him to wear all black and, from that piece of information, he gathered there was a funeral of some sort taking place.

"I just don't understand," Taehyun said conversationally as he fixed his black suit. "We're going to church, and we're wearing black. Who do you think died?"

Beomgyu shrugged.

"Maybe one of Kai's distant relatives? The ones in Hawaii somewhere?" Taehyun carried on. "Can’t be someone we know personally, because then I’d be more upset. Maybe he's bringing us along for moral support."

Taehyun glanced at Beomgyu through the mirror. "Darling? Won't you get dressed?”

Beomgyu stared blankly back at him, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Taehyun sighed. "I'm not sure what I did wrong this time, hyung." He turned around, but Beomgyu had disappeared again. Taehyun frowned. “How do you keep doing that?” he asked, turning around in circles. “Gyu? Beomgyu, darling please, we need to go soon.”

Suddenly, Beomgyu was standing right next to him. Taehyun jumped, and Beomgyu stifled a giggle from behind his hand. Taehyun rolled his eyes, smiling.

“Come on, you,” he said. Then he frowned. “Aren’t you going to wear black?” He shrugged, face clearing. “Oh well. The invitation didn’t specify, so it’s okay. Let’s go then, eh?”

-----

It was the aftermath of the service. Everyone had stayed in the church to have drinks and converse with others, reminiscing about the person who had died.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Taehyun said. "Beomgyu is not dead."

Yeonjun set down his glass, turning to Taehyun with a serious expression. "Okay, stop it. This is getting serious now. We were literally just at his funeral service, and watched him being lowered into a grave. I don't know why you think he's still alive."

"Because he is. Look, he's right there-"

He’s not here! No, you look at me! The only part of him that’s here is his body, and that’s in a coffin!” Yeonjun lashed, finally losing his cool. "He's not here, okay? Stop!" He looked up at the ceiling and blinked rapidly, trying to dispel the tears. Just as soon as he’d erupted, Yeonjun calmed himself as quickly. Taking a deep breath, he looked at Taehyun again, who was watching him carefully after the sudden outburst. "Tell me honestly, Taehyun. Do you really believe he's still alive? And think, actually think before you answer.”

To his credit, Taehyun really did stop and think. Did he believe Beomgyu was alive? Well, yes. He did. But… was there much evidence to show that he was? Other than his random appearances around the house, Taehyun wasn’t sure.

“I… I don’t know,” Taehyun said in a small, confused voice. “He has to be, right? Yeah, because he’s over there.” The apprehension cleared from his face when he saw Beomgyu waving from the other side of the garden. Yeonjun turned around, trying to spot what Taehyun was staring at. When he couldn’t find it, he turned back around to face the blond.

“Taehyun, please. All jokes aside. Do you… can you actually see him?” Yeonjun asked seriously.

“What do you mean? Of course. I know my fiance anywhere.”

“What do you mean?” Taehyun scoffed. “I don’t hallucinate, hyung.”

“But you think you can see him, can’t you? Even think you can hear him. One minute he’s there, but the next minute he’s disappeared. Right? That’s what has been happening, isn’t it?”

“O-oh,” Taehyun faltered. Beomgyu had been doing that a lot recently, now that he thought about it. “He’s just really fast, you know that hyung,” Taehyun dismissed.

Yeonjun looked unconvinced. “Okay, when was the last time you actually touched him?”

“That’s a silly question, not a day goes by where Beomgyu doesn’t…” Taehyun trailed off. When was the last time they’d actually had skin-to-skin contact? Taehyun can’t remember. “Anyway hyung, what’s your point?”

“I did some research,” Yeonjun said solemnly, spotting Soobin and Hueningkai and waving them over. “Last time we visited you, and you kept saying you could see Beomgyu. I did some research and from what I found, and what you’ve told me just now, I think you might… you might…” Yeonjun struggled to form his next words. It was heartbreaking to think that one of his closest friends might be suffering from any sort of mental disorder. Soobin rubbed his back comfortingly, encouraging Yeonjun to carry on. “I think you might have… schizophrenia.”

Taehyun stared at Yeonjun in horror and fear. “No, no no… I don’t. I’m not sick.”

“We don't know for sure, though,” Soobin added, in an attempt to calm Taehyun down. “We’ll need to go to a doctor for them to properly diagnose you.”

“I don't- I don't want to go to a doctor. I’m not sick, I swear!”

“You don’t have to. I visited the doctor’s a few days ago, described your general behaviours… they said it’s likely that you are.” Yeonjun gulped nervously.

He hated seeing Taehyun look so fearful and stressed, and evidently Hueningkai did as well, for he attempted to hug Taehyun. “They said they’ll treat you, but you have to agree to the medication before they can help you.”

Taehyun pushed Hueningkai off, shaking his head. “I’m not sick. I’m not.”

“Hyunnie, please,” Hueningkai begged, holding onto Taehyun’s arms. “Think. You haven’t truly seen Beomgyu-hyung for weeks. Just random appearances of him, right? That’s because of the… the sickness. He’s not actually here. He hasn’t actually been here for about a month now. Please. Let the doctors treat you. We can’t… I can’t… afford to lose my best friend.”

Taehyun’s eyes glazed over. He sat, silent, before suddenly snapping his gaze back to Hueningkai. “You’re saying… Beomgyu has actually died?”

The younger boy nodded, eyes desperate. “Yes, and your hallucinations aren’t healthy so please-”

“So it wasn’t a prank? He’s actually gone?”

“I mean, yes, that’s why we had a funeral-”

“And he’s left me? All alone?” Taehyun’s eyes welled up, as his gaze moved from Hueningkai’s face to the other side of the garden. Beomgyu was no longer there.

“N-no, Taehyunnie, you still have us,” Hueningkai desperately tried to explain. “You're not alone. We can help you- oh my god!”

Taehyun’s knees had buckled, and he suddenly fell against Hueningkai. His eyes blinked shut, dark eyelashes lying in stark contrast to his paper-white face.

“Hyungs, help,” Hueningkai whimpered to Yeonjun and Soobin, who had just been standing there in shock. Yeonjun immediately sprang into action.

“Babe, lift up his legs,” he instructed. “If you do that, I can pick him up. Hueningkai, run to the car and open it. We’re going to have to take him home.”

-----

After his fainting at the funeral reception, Taehyun’s friends had taken to moving in with him for an extended amount of time.

“There’s no way we’re leaving you alone,” Soobin had stated firmly when Taehyun had tried to protest. “It’s not safe. No space? Come on, Taehyun, this house is ridiculously large, even when it was for you and Beomgyu. There’s enough space for the four of us to be here together. We’re not going to leave.”

And when Taehyun had asked why they were staying, Hueningkai had answered with a determined tone. “Because we don’t want to lose another friend.”

Their overprotectiveness carried on for several weeks. One of them would always be home to keep Taehyun company, and they’d constantly let him know that he could talk to them whenever they wanted. They'd assign themselves to be his talk-buddies every few days, and would stick to him like glue until it was someone else's turn to be the talk-buddy.

At the beginning, Taehyun didn’t want to accept that he was potentially a schizophrenic. But, after seeing Beomgyu disappear from where he was standing one too many times, he’d finally broken down and accepted that the love of his life really had gone.

That week had been absolutely miserable for everyone in the house. Taehyun would scream, throw things, and then suddenly dissolve into tears at the most random times. Then came the period where all the emotion seemed to have been sucked out of him, and he’d wandered around the house, as listless as a ghost. Soobin, Yeonjun and Hueningkai begged him to accept treatment, but every time he still refused. Two months after Beomgyu’s death, Taehyun's condition was worse than ever.

His friends couldn't get him to talk, to sleep, to eat. He would randomly appear in doorways, before abruptly leaving. He didn't smile, didn't cry, didn't say a word. Once, Soobin found Taehyun sitting in the middle of his room, staring at the wall. He'd tried to get the younger to go to bed, but Taehyun just shook his head and resumed glaring at the white structure. In the mornings, his hyung would smile and offer him food, even though they knew full well he'd only have a tiny bite before not touching it again. They still tried to pretend everything was fine.

His friends tip-toed around the subject of how emotionless Taehyun was being, pretending everything was still going okay. But there was only so long they could pretend.

-----

One day, Yeonjun snapped. He was tired of seeing his friend wander aimlessly about the house, devoid of any emotion. That day had been particularly stressful, since Taehyun hadn’t slept for the past few days and even refused to eat anything for breakfast or lunch. It was only after copious amounts of coaxing and wheedling that Hueningkai had managed to convince Taehyun to eat some fruit.

Yeonjun slammed his hands down on the table, where Taehyun was meekly picking at some strawberries. The boy flinched, but didn’t lift his eyes from the seed-studded fruit.

“Taehyun. Let me book you an appointment.”

“No.”

Yeonjun sucked in a breath. He wasn’t expecting such an abrupt answer. He tried again.

“Come on, Hyun, you’re obviously not getting any better.”

“No.” Taehyun’s hands clutched the fork tight, fist trembling from the pressure.

"Taehyun, look at you! You're like a ghost. If you get treated, it'll get better, I promise."

"Yeonjun," Taehyun said quietly- too quietly, as Yeonjun didn't hear him and carried on.

"Just, accept the treatment. Please. Let them make you better. You're wasting away by refusing help. Look! You're so thin, your skin is literally like paper, and you can barely eat. Come on."

Taehyun let the fork clatter out of his hands and into the bowl. He looked up, and Yeonjun startled when he realised his eyes were brimming with tears.

“Taehyun, please, just let us help you-”

“I said no, hyung. Stop pressuring me! Please, just leave.” The tears were now pouring out of his eyes, thick and fast.

Yeonjun frowned worriedly. “I- this is not healthy. Let me call the hosp-”

“No, don’t,” Taehyun sobbed, hands pressed firmly against his eyes to try and stem the furious flow of his tears. “I- I don’t want them.”

Yeonjun tried again. “Taehyun-”

Soobin and Hueningkai suddenly ran into the room. Soobin and put up a hand, effectively silencing Yeonjun. “Hyung, stop.” Then he turned to Taehyun, placing a hand on his shaking shoulder. “It’s okay, Taehyun. You just come to us when you’re ready.” He nodded to Hueningkai. “Hyuka, stay with him. Make sure he’s okay.”

Soobin took Yeonjun out of the room, and stared at him disapprovingly. Yeonjun stared back at him, then realised what he’d just done. Soobin pinched the bridge of his nose.

He began, “Hyung-”

“I know, I know,” Yeonjun sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I shouldn’t have forced it upon him like that.” He lightly slapped his cheek. "That was stupid of me. I was so, so dumb. And senseless. I should have realised how stressed he was getting by me going on like that. Oh… I feel really bad now."

Soobin sighed too. “I know you mean well, hyung. But that really wasn't the right way to go about talking to him at all." Yeonjun hung his head as Soobin stared him down. Soobin carried on, "There’s no point in forcing him to accept treatment. His condition isn’t life-threatening at the moment, so there’s no hurry.”

“But there is hurry, Binnie,” Yeonjun said, looking up and holding both of Soobin’s hands in his own. “It… It breaks my heart to see Taehyun like this. He’s not like himself. And his condition could turn life-threatening at any moment, Soobin. You know that.”

“It breaks my heart to see him like this as well, hyung,” Soobin said softly, drawing Yeonjun in for a hug. “But yelling at him to accept help isn’t going to make things any better.”

“I know,” came Yeonjun’s muffled voice. There was silence for a bit, then he spoke again. “So would it be best to leave him alone?”

“I think that’s the best option we have right now, hyung,” Soobin replied. “Hueningkai’s gonna be his talk-buddy for the next few days. Who knows? Maybe he’ll find a way to convince Taehyun to get treated.”

-----

Meanwhile, Hueningkai silently handed Taehyun tissues as the blond cried. He didn't say anything, and just sat by Taehyun, not uttering a word. Every time Taehyun used up a tissue, Hueningkai would tear another one out of the box and offer it to him.

“Do you think I’m sick, Hyuka?” Taehyun mumbled, blowing his nose on yet another tissue Hueningkai had given him. The younger boy sat there thoughtfully, watching as Taehyun took another tissue to dab at his red eyes.

“I don’t know, Taehyunnie,” he said at last. “Sure, you think you can see Beomgyu-hyung, and you’ve shown no emotions over the past week, and yeah, maybe that’s not normal. But then again, no one is normal, so perhaps it’s not that bad.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Everyone’s a bit off their rocker in one way or another, and you just happen to be able to see Beomgyu. It’s okay.”

Through teary eyes, Taehyun looked up at Hueningkai and smiled. He patted the younger’s hand. “When did you become so wise?”

Hueningkai smiled sadly at Taehyun. “When I had to watch my smartest friend be reduced to nothing but a shell of what they once were.” He placed his hand on top of Taehyun’s, and smiled just a little bit brighter. “But it’s okay! Becoming wise is part of growing up, isn’t it? And people change. That's a given in life. Now, let’s not talk about such depressing matters. Do you have any games in your house? ‘Cause I’ve been searching for weeks and all I found were these playing cards.”

Taehyun grinned at his best friend, the tears now drying around his eyes. “Wait, let me show you a trick with the cards first.”

-----

When Soobin had been his buddy, there’d been an uncomfortable air of ‘must protect Taehyun from himself at all costs’. There’d been a lot of soft conversations, with concerned glances and quiet offers of help. Yeah, it had made him feel comforted that he knew Soobin would be there for him, but it also made him frustrated at how he was being treated like a sick little child.

When Yeonjun had been his buddy, Taehyun suddenly became stressed all the time. Yeonjun always had a big presence. One couldn’t help but notice him. And with all of his attention on Taehyun, it made him feel uncomfortable in his own skin. This wasn’t Yeonjun’s fault- he couldn’t help being the way he was- but it still had Taehyun feel on edge for the whole time Yeonjun had been his buddy.

With Hueningkai as his buddy… those days were probably the most normal Taehyun felt since the police came to his door. They’d just talk about silly things, like what would happen if the world turned into food overnight, or theorised about whether there really were such thing as aliens. They laughed and joked and went about their day as if everything was fine. That was one of the things which made Taehyun appreciate Hueningkai so much. He was gentle and kind but also excitable and fun. He didn’t push Taehyun to talk about things that he didn’t want to, instead opting to let Taehyun talk when he was ready. And that day came.

“Hueningkai,” Taehyun said hesitantly as the younger sat down beside him on the sofa.

“Yeah?” Hueningkai handed Taehyun a cookie, stuffing one in his mouth as well. He accepted it, but just stared at it in his hands.

“I just… I want to say thank you, for not forcing me to talk about the… sickness. When I was with Yeonjun-hyung, and Soobin-hyung, they never mentioned it, but the implications of it always hung in the air. You never, ever treated me differently. You even pretended it didn't exist, and I'm thankful for that."

Hueningkai smiled, swallowing the mouthful of biscuit he'd had. "I knew you'd feel either resentful or frustrated or annoyed if you were treated differently. That's why I decided it'd be best just to talk to you as Kang Taehyun, my best friend who I’ve known for years.."

"I'm really grateful you did," Taehyun said earnestly. "And while I appreciate it, I think we might also need to talk about my… condition."

Instead of looking worried or annoyed, Hueningkai just nodded in agreement. "Definitely. While it's good to interact normally, we still need to address the things which are definitely not normal." Hueningkai pointed to the cookie which Taehyun was still holding in his hands. “You gonna eat that?” Taehyun responded by taking a huge bite out of the treat, causing both of them to giggle slightly. Then Hueningkai’s face grew serious, which made Taehyun just a little bit nervous.

“Wait,” Taehyun said. “Can we- can we ease into the subject please? It’s kind of scary to straight away talk about what might be wrong with me.”

Hueningkai nodded understandingly. “Of course.” He hummed, twiddling his fingers as he thought of a topic to talk about. “Ah! I realised that we haven’t really talked about Beomgyu-hyung much. Even at his funeral, we didn’t talk about him.”

Taehyun looked around, nibbling on his cookie apprehensively. “You have tissues ready right?”

Hueningkai patted the box on top of the coffee table. “Right here,” he assured Taehyun. “So, why don’t we talk about the last time we spoke to hyung?”

Taehyun missed the cookie and accidentally bit down on his own fingers. He winced and set it down, sucking on his sore fingers. “I don't remember the last time I spoke to hyung. No wait, I do. It was… it was the day the police officer came to the door.”

Taehyun smiled a little, remembering Beomgyu’s bright, beaming face. “You know how during our lunch breaks the five of us would always meet up to talk? That day, Beomgyu and I had a date. Just a simple one, a quick coffee date in one of the cafes near his workplace. I remember how sunny it was that day, and while I’d complained about the brightness, the whole time I couldn’t stop staring at his face. The sun bathed him in a golden glow, and he looked absolutely beautiful.” Tears pooled into his eyes as he remembered that day. “I remember thinking how lucky I was to have him, and hoping that he’d never disappear.” Taehyun sadly took another bite out of his cookie as a few tears escaped the corners of his clenched eyes. “That thought aged well, didn’t it?” he said bitterly. Hueningkai rubbed his thigh comfortingly.

“It’s okay, Taehyunie,” he said. “It hurts, but it’s better to hurt together than alone.”

Taehyun sniffled, accepting a tissue that Hueningkai offered him. “We talked about the usual fiance things. Wedding plannings, honeymoon plannings, jokes and the simple things in life. At the time, it felt trivial, insignificant- it was just another date out of the many more we thought we’d had.” The tears came faster, and Hueningkai hurriedly handed Taehyun a bunch of tissues. “And then at the end of our lunch break, we parted ways, saying what we always said- ‘I love you, see you soon’.” Taehyun had to stop talking for a few seconds, and close his eyes against the sudden onslaught of memories. The emotions were overwhelming him; a lump was forming in his throat that he just couldn’t will away.

Remembering Beomgyu’s smiling face as he’d bid Taehyun goodbye made his heart ache. He realised just how much he missed Beomgyu- the real Beomgyu, not the ones out of his hallucinations. Taking deep breaths, he opened his eyes again.

“So yeah, that was the last time I saw him. You know how I always end work earlier than Beomgyu, so I was waiting for him to come home when… when it happened.”

Hueningkai smiled reassuringly. “At least your last memory of him was happy, wasn’t it?”

Taehyun dabbed at his eyes. “I suppose so. Why? Is your last memory of him not happy?”

“Oh, no, it is. But it’s also not-so-happy at the same time.”

When Taehyun tilted his head in confusion, Hueningkai explained. “The last time we spoke was over text. A few light conversations, jokes. He said he and I should meet up sometime. It’d been ages since we’d talked, one-on-one. We’d agreed to go get ice cream together, hang out at the park next to our old school.” Hueningkai smiled a bittersweet smile. “The day we’d planned the hangout was the day after the accident.”

Taehyun felt himself tear up on Hueningkai’s behalf. “Oh… hyung was excited for that as well. He told me how much he was looking forward to hanging out with his favourite dongsaeng. That’s… that’s a real shame, Hyuka.”

“Yeah, well,” Hueningkai shrugged, attempting to mask the sadness. “Fate is nothing but cruel, right?” He looked up at Taehyun, smiling a wobbly smile. “It’s fine. I just can’t imagine how awful it must have been for you, though.”

Taehyun peered back at him worriedly. He placed a hand on top of Hueningkai’s, and spoke in a soft tone.

“It’s okay to show how you really feel, Kai. It’s okay. Don’t pretend you’re fine when you’re really not. I can see how much you’re hurting inside. You don’t have to hide it.”

Even though Taehyun was the one who was supposed to be mentally unstable, the one who was supposed to need someone to support and take care of him, here he was, offering his own support to his friend, because he saw how much he needed it. He smiled reassuringly. “I’m here for you."

Hueningkai had always been a gentle soul. Gentle, compassionate, and kind. He was also delicate. No, he wasn’t fragile- he wasn’t one of those easy-to-break people, but he was just more delicately built compared to others. Losing one of his dearest hyungs, and almost losing his best friend too… well, it was enough to test even the mental wellbeing of someone as strong as Yeonjun. Poor Hueningkai had had to grow up too fast. He’d had to watch as his little, perfect world suddenly crumbled, and had had to hastily cover his own delicate heart in order to try and fix the broken hearts of his friends.

Those five, small words, those five, tiny syllables, were enough to expose Hueningkai’s delicate heart. Yes, he’d cried the day they’d turned up at Taehyun’s door after hearing the news, but that had been about it. He hadn’t been able to cry after that.

Now, he cried with his whole heart. His whole, gentle, loving heart. He cried for his hyung, who would never live a full life; he cried for his hyung’s family, who would never see their son grow old; he cried for his friends, who would never be able to hear Beomgyu’s bright laugh again; and then he finally cried for himself. He cried because he’d never hear his hyung’s comforting voice, never hear his thoughtful words, never see his fingers dance across the guitar strings, never feel his comforting presence in the world.

He cried, poured out all his sadness and grief over the loss of Beomgyu into his tears. He let go of all the pain and devastation he’d experienced from the news of his hyung’s death. He cried because he missed Beomgyu, missed his sunshine-y hyung who would never again grace the earth with his smile. All throughout his tears, all throughout this, Taehyun hugged him close.

Taehyun hugged him tight, wrapping his arms around Hueningkai, holding him as his shoulders shook with the force of his tears.

“Shh… shh… it’s okay, Hyuka. Cry as much as you want. Let it all out,” Taehyun murmured softly, rubbing Hueningkai’s back. “You’ve been so brave. It’s okay. Shh…”

The sobs wracked his body, and Hueningkai cried so forcefully that he had trouble breathing for a few moments.

“I- I shou-ldn’t be cry-crying so mu-uch,” Hueningkai sobbed into Taehyun’s embrace. “Y-you had to su-ffer wo-orse than m-me.”

“Nonsense,” Taehyun said gently. “You were his friend too. You’re allowed to cry for his death.”

“B-ut you-ou h-had i-it so mu-uch worse,” Hueningkai hiccuped. “A-and you ne-ever cri-ed like thi-this.”

“Maybe not, but I have my sickness, don’t I?”

Hueningkai just cried harder. “I-I feel so-o sorry fo-for you, Tae-Taehyunie.”

“Shh… It’s okay, Huening-ah. It’s okay.”

They stayed like that for another half an hour or so, until Hueningkai’s tears had slowed a little.

“I didn’t- I didn’t know how badly you felt,” Taehyun said worriedly as he handed Hueningkai the tissue box. “I should have noticed.”

“ ‘s not your fault, Taehyun,” Hueningkai sniffled, blowing his nose. “You had too much on your plate already.”

“My plate is never too full to look after the happiness of my best friend,” Taehyun replied. Hueningkai just shook his head, smiling.

"You're too caring," he said jokingly. Then his tone grew serious. "Come on, you should focus on yourself."

Taehyun swallowed. "Can I… can I confess something? Promise you won't tell hyungs?"

"Of course."

"I- I'm scared of the treatment. I never thought of myself as mentally unwell before, and now being told I'm sick and need to be fixed? It's scary."

Hueningkai took the half-eaten cookie out of Taehyun’s hands and set it down on the table. “It’s completely understandable to feel scared. It’s okay.” He wrapped his hands around Taehyun’s, gently, to try and soothe their trembling.

“Look,” Hueningkai said. “I’m going to be honest as well. I really don’t… care if you accept treatment or not. Don’t get me wrong, it would be nice for you to be back to your normal self again, but if it scares and worries you that much, it’s okay. We’ll support you whatever you choose to do.” He smiled, holding Taehyun’s hands tight. “Your happiness is the most important thing. Whether you’re sane or not? Pssh. We’re all a little crazy. It’s okay.”

Taehyun began to tear up again, but this time it was out of happiness, not sadness. “Thank you, Hyuka. I- just thank you.”

“Any time, Taehyunie. Any time.” Hueningkai smiled. He squeezed Taehyun’s hands a little. “But seriously though, it would really benefit you if you let yourself be treated.”

“I know. I know.” Taehyun took in a deep breath. “Actually, what I wanted to tell you was that… I decided I was going to accept treatment.” He exhaled. The words, when he’d tried to say them before, had stuck in his throat and built up an enormous pressure inside his chest. But now, after he’d actually said them, he realised it wasn’t really that big of a deal. The words which had worried at his mind for days were, he found, simple and almost relieving to say.

It was a simple thing, saying the words, but the promise was so much bigger. It was a promise of, 'I will become stronger', a promise to overcome what had been a dark, hard time in Taehyun's life.

It was with that confession: those tiny, tiny words with their big, big meanings- it was at that time, that Taehyun began to heal.

-----

Life after that seemed to become so much brighter. The dark cloud of stress and worry and fear that had hovered over their lives lessened. When Taehyun had told Yeonjun and Soobin (with Hueningkai there to encourage him), it would be a lie to say that the two eldest hadn't broken down into tears. Tears of happiness and relief, of course.

The road to recovery wasn’t smooth, though. Taehyun knew this. But, for Beomgyu, he’d endure everything- all the pain, all the tears, all the frustration- because he knew the elder would want nothing more than for Taehyun to be well.

Sometimes everything went fine. Taehyun was going to therapy, and had weekly visits from a social worker who came to have tea and chat. They were pleasant; he was never pressed too much to talk about things, and at times they seemed to even like how he'd stay silent. He had his friends, as well. They supported Taehyun every step of the way, reminding him each day that he had them, and he wasn't alone. He had them, and they would never leave.

Sometimes though, the coddling and gentleness became too frustrating to bear.

If Taehyun's patience had been worn thin by the counsellor's patronising tone, he'd lose his cool and start yelling at them. If the social worker attempted to make him drink that weird herbal tea one too many times, he'd storm out of the room in a flare of his temper. If Soobin tried to get him to eat on a day when the medicine's side effects were particularly harsh, he'd snap and push away his friends out of anger.

Other times, when it was really, really terrible and he just couldn't take it anymore, Taehyun would beg his friends to not make him go to therapy. He'd fall against them, tears staining his cheeks, begging them not to make him go back, because I hate it, please, don't make me go, please, please I hate it, I hate it so much, please. Soobin would look at Yeonjun and Hueningkai, sigh, but say nothing. The next counselling session, however, Taehyun would always clamber into Yeonjun's car with a sullen face, neither resisting treatment nor willing to eagerly participate in it. And then the cycle would repeat.

It was a hard process. But still, Taehyun's friends stuck by him, and it was probably due to their support that Taehyun managed to heal. And three years after Beomgyu's death, he was better. Not completely the same as he'd been before the life-changing day, but better than he had been for a long time.

"Kai!" Taehyun laughed, hitting the younger. "Don't sneak up on me! You know the last time Soobin-hyung did that, I almost poked his eyes out with the brush!"

Taehyun's friends had never really moved out of his home. In a way, Taehyun was grateful that they stayed. It would have been lonely to be in the big house all alone. It was three years after Beomgyu's death, and life had gone on. Sure, it hurt at first, but the sharp stab of pain eventually numbed to a dull, throbbing ache. It would never go away, because their memory of Beomgyu could never go away, but they learned to live with it.

Hueningkai stuck his tongue out. Taehyun tutted. "You're 25 now, yet you still continue to act like a child? This is exactly why Yeonjun-hyung won't let you drive round his car when you ask him to."

"Hmph! Like he let's you drive it around!"

"You know it's because he's afraid I'll have another hallucination and crash the car. You, on the other hand, are just a walking disaster."

"Hey! I'm 25 you know!"

"Yeah, but you're still 15 at heart."

Hueningkai grinned. "Yeah, and so are you." He looked around, spotting at the half-painted canvas propped up on the other side of the art studio. "Another painting of Beomgyu, I see?"

Taehyun covered the painting with the black cloth. "Oh, shut up. He was my fiance, I'm allowed to paint him. Besides, it's actually a painting of all of us. It's not finished yet."

"Aren't you glad they recommend art therapy to you? Yet another good thing that came out of those sessions."

"Yes, because pushing a brush along a canvas saved my life," Taehyun stated sarcastically.

"Yeah well, it did, didn't it?"

"...Okay yeah, but that's not the point!"

Ever since his counsellor had mentioned art therapy to help him heal, Taehyun hadn't stopped painting, even after his treatment ended. He found that expressing his feelings through colours and paints helped relieve him from all his stress and worries. At first, though his understanding of shades and tones were not the best, he persevered and now looked proudly at all the canvases of his work displayed all over the rooms of the house. They were far from what someone like Picasso or Turner could do, but they were his own work and in his opinion they were perfect masterpieces.

"Anyway," he said, smiling at Kai. "Was there anything you needed?"

"Nah, just wanted to bother you." Hueningkai cackled as Taehyun jabbed him with the end of a paintbrush.

"You- annoying- brat!" Taehyun said, punctuating every word with a jab at Hueningkai's abdomen. "Go! Shoo! This painting needs to be finished in time for Beomgyu-hyung’s death anniversary!"

"Okay, okay," Hueningkai laughed, retreating. "I'm going! Oh, hi Yeonjun-hyung. Yes, Taehyun! I'm going!" Yeonjun was leaning against the doorway, smiling at the two bickering 25 year-olds.

"Hey Taehyun," he said, walking in and ruffling the other's hair. "How're you doing?"Taehyun looked at him strangely.

"You ask me that like we literally do not live together."

"Ouch," Yeonjun laughed, putting his hands into his pockets. "Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to visit Gyu's grave. His death anniversary is coming up, and I can drive you there if you want."

"Oh, I thought you were taking Soobin on another date," Taehyun said, blinking innocently up at Yeonjun.

"Soobin is visiting his parents and has been away for the past three days. You know that," Yeonjun scolded, flicking Taehyun's forehead playfully. "So do you want me to take you or not?"

"Yes please," Taehyun said, standing up and wiping his hands on his apron. "I'll go get dressed into something more presentable."

"Don't be too long!" Yeonjun called. "It's getting dark earlier than usual since it's winter, and we should go there before the sun goes down."

-----

They reached the cemetery as the sun was low in the sky, bruising the sky with its gentle blue hue. As Taehyun undid his seatbelt, he noticed that Yeonjun wasn't coming out.

"Hmm? Hyung, aren't you coming?"

"I- I came yesterday." Yeonjun said shortly, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter. Taehyun's heart melted with sympathy. Even after all these years, it seemed Yeonjun was still hurt. He patted the elder's hand.

"It's okay, hyung. I'll go then."

"Don't be too long!" Yeonjun called after him. Taehyun gave him a thumbs up without looking back.

Hands deep inside his coat pockets, he trudged along the snow-edged paths. When he reached Beomgyu's gravestone, he buried his cold nose deeper into his scarf and sighed. He leaned down to touch the cold granite. Gently, he traced the carved letters, smiling to himself.

"Oh, Beomgyu," he said aloud to the chilly winter air. "You were too young to die." Before, the words would have been said with devastating hopelessness. Now, Taehyun uttered them with a joking smile on his face, only a hint of sadness tainting the edges of his lips. A breeze whipped itself through Taehyun's hair and he looked up to see Beomgyu standing there.He startled a little, taking an involuntary step back. It had been a while since he'd last had a hallucination.

The figure smiled, and silently looked at Taehyun. The younger was unfazed by the hallucination- he knew how to deal with them now. But at that moment, he decided it would be nice to talk to Beomgyu - even if this Beomgyu was just a figment of his imagination - one last time.

"It's been ages, hasn't it, Gyu?" Taehyun said, looking back down at the gravestone. Beomgyu looked sadly down at it as well. Taehyun swallowed, and raised his eyes. "... I miss you."Beomgyu smiled a little forlornly, and reached over to pat Taehyun's shoulder.Taehyun carried on, "During the early days, I couldn't even properly mourn because of my illness. And then, I couldn't visit your grave for ages because they said it might trigger the hallucinations to come again." He chuckled. "Guess they were right. This is the first 'vision' I've had in ages, did you know that hyung?" Beomgyu's eyes sparkled as he gazed at the younger. "Anyway, it was only really a few months ago that everything became sort of normal."

Taehyun kicked at the snow. "And I miss you, hyung. I really miss you." He looked up to find Beomgyu giving him a fond look. He smiled back. "But you know. In a garden, one always picks the most beautiful flowers first, right? And besides, I'm doing okay now. I miss you still, so much, but life is full of ups and downs. This was a really big down, but you know…everything happens for the better or worse, and we just have to deal with it.”They stood there in silence, both of them looking down at the gravestone.

"I just- I can't believe that you're really gone," Taehyun said to himself, feeling tears build up behind his eyes. He quickly wiped them away, taking a few breaths before smiling at Beomgyu.

"I shouldn't cry," he said, trying to laugh a little. "I came here to say goodbye, after all." He nudged Beomgyu. "And I know you never liked goodbyes to be sad."

More silence swept through the cemetery, and this time it was a heavier one. The sky was growing darker, and Taehyun knew he'd have to say goodbye. He was reluctant to say the first farewell, and this must have been evident on his face. The elder turned to him and gently touched his nose to Taehyun's. Beomgyu's eyes were sympathetic and kind, with a look of 'it's time' in them. I love you, Taehyun darling.

Taehyun sighed, knowing the time had come. He stood up on his tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss onto Beomgyu's dark hair.

"I love you too, darling. Always," he murmured. Then he closed his eyes and squeezed his fists tight so his nails dug into his palms, just like the psychiatrist had taught him to. When he opened his eyes, Beomgyu was gone. And yet, it didn't hurt Taehyun's heart as much as it used to, when he first saw Beomgyu disappear. He knew that the elder was still with him, inside his heart.Taehyun gazed at the granite engraving of his love's name, before turning around and walking away.

He looked up towards the sky, and sent his thanks to any god that may be out there. He thanked them for letting him have Beomgyu in his life, because, although he may not have had him forever, the moments they shared would be treasured by him until the end of time.

Blue hour faded as Taehyun walked out of the cemetery, and while his eyes were heavy with unshed tears, his heart was light with happiness- and love.

#ahahaha guess who almost went over limit posting this here :)#txt taegyu #taegyu #txt fluff #txt fanfic #yeonbin #tomorrow x together #txt taehyun #taehyun #txt beomgyu #beomgyu #tw//schizophrenia #tw//mental illness

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bakubabes-tatakae · 4 years

Text

The Uchiha In The Leaves (Part Nine)

Author’s Note: If anyone wants to be in a taglist for this feel free to let me know! Happy to do it for anyone!

(Kakashi x Reader)

Summary: What happens when Y/N finally returns to the Village Hidden in the Leaves? Her life is flipped upside down when not only does she find the man that’s awaited her return, but she finds someone she thought she’d never see again.

Part One, Part Two: *NSFW Ahead!*, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight: *NSFWish Ahead!*

Part Nine:

Word Count: 2,202

*Y/n's P.O.V*

I found Sasuke sitting on the small porch in front of the house. He was sitting on the step when I opened the door. He didn't move when I came out so I sat down next to him. I put my head in my hands for a minute before I talked to him. "I'm sorry Sasuke."

He looked over at me. "For what?"

"Last night, I should never have taken my anger and stress out on you like that."

"It's okay. I get it. I struck a nerve with what I said and I shouldn't have."

I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and pulled him into me. "You know that I cared more about you and your safety than I did having Zabuza alive, right? I would have died trying to save you if he had gotten any further yesterday."

"I know." Sasuke looked up at me. "I just couldn't stand to see you as hurt as you were when he went after Kakashi-Sensei. You two weren't as secretive as you thought you were walking through the woods either."

I chuckled at him. "You three can't say anything when we get back to the village. It has to stay between the three of us. Kakashi and I don't want people in the village to look at us any differently. I don't want them to break our team up. It's going to be hard enough to hide that the two of us are together when you come home with us."

"You have my word Y/n." Sasuke stood up from the porch, leaning down to kiss the top of my head. "Love you big sis." He smiled as he walked back into the house.

As Sasuke walked through the door Kakashi walked out. He sat down next to me with a loud sigh. "Are you alright?"

I looked over and smiled. "Yea. I'm fine. Just had to have a heart to heart with him after what happened yesterday. I told him that the three of them needed to keep our relationship to themselves until we're ready to say something."

Kakashi kissed the side of my head. The Mask was silky as it touched my temple. "Eventually we will. We just need to find the right time."

I sighed and laid my head on his shoulder. At least with the kids knowing it would be a little easier for us around them. We wouldn't have to worry as much about what we said.

* * * * * *

Training the kids for the upcoming battle would be the hardest thing we had to do. We had told them to meet the two of us in the forest the following morning. Kakashi still wasn't completely up to par and had resorted to walking around using crutches to keep his balance as much as he could. I was still recovering from my injuries, but we had to prepare them as soon as possible. Who knew when Zabuza would strike again? And who would he bring with him this time?

The three of them stood in front of us, ready to learn. Kakashi leaned on his crutches and was hopeful that the kids were as ready to learn as they looked. "Okay, training starts now."

Naruto was excited, like he always was. "Alright!"

"First," Kakashi put one finger up. "We'll begin with a review on chakra, the ninja's basic source of power. Understanding chakra is essential."

Sasuke was getting cocky, something that was his specialty lately. "We know that."

Naruto piped up with him. "He's right, a long time ago we learned about catra..."

I hung my head and looked over at them, hoping my disappointment was clear. "Chakra..."

Naruto looked embarrassed and started to sweat. Kakashi looked over at Sakura. "Go ahead Sakura." He knew she would be able to explain everything to Naruto quickly.

Sakura put her hands on her hips and I smiled and chuckled a little, Kakashi watching me out the corner of his eye. "Alright, Naruto. I'll explain it simply so you can understand it. Chakra is the elemental life energy that a ninja uses in jutsu. It's the source of his power. Now this energy comes in two forms; there's the phsyical energy which exists in all the cells and the entire body all work together. The other is spiritual energy, the primal source of power which is intensified by training and experience."

I yawned and saw Kakashi smile at me, trying not to laugh at me as Sakura continued. "As you see, these two chakra must be drawn out and brought together in order to perform jutsu. Finally, hand signs focus and unleash the chakra."

When Sakura looked back at Kakashi with a smile he looked over at Naruto. "Right on all points. Iruka-Sensei really did have some excellent students."

Naruto was still sweating. "What's the big deal with all these complicating explanations? The whole point is to learn the jutsu, isn't it?"

Sasuke looked annoyed, but he couldn't help but agree with Naruto. "Naruto is right for once. We're already using chakra in our jutsu."

I looked over at me little brother and raised my eyebrows. "No! You have not mastered this power, you've barely scratched the surface of it!" I was just as frustrated with Sasuke's cockiness as Kakashi was getting.

Naruto started to raise his voice. "What do you mean?"

Kakashi sighed. "Calm down a listen." How did we end up with these two stubborn kids? "It's just like Sakura said, you have to draw on physical and spiritual energies and then combine them. But, how do you do that?" Kakashi looked over at me, clearly wanting me to continue. He knew that Sasuke listen best to me.

I nodded. "Each jutsu uses a differnt type of chakra and in different proportions. You must select and combine them in exactly the right way. Up to now you've just guessed at the proportions, hoping they'd come out right. Even if you produce a lot of chakra, if you can't balance and control it, it's all worthless. The jutsu wont work at all of it'll be a joke. You waste so much energy that way and then you're out of chakra and you can't fight at all, you're just a target."

Naruto looked a little embarassed, knowing he had a problem with that in the academy. He scratched his head. "So how do we change that?"

I was getting more frustrated so Kakashi cut me off. "Train so hard that controlling your chakra becomes second nature. To achieve this goal you must be ready to put your life on the line."

They all looked confused, especially Sakura. "What do we have to do?"

Kakashi pointed up. "Climb a tree."

They all spoke at once, complete confusion in their voices. "Climb a tree?"

"That's right." I smiled and cut Kakashi off. "But there's one rule; no hands."

Now the kids were even more confused. Sakura just looked annoyed. "What? You're kidding?"

"Are we? Let's see." Kakashi looked over at me and nodded. We both put our hands together and balanced our chakra. Kakashi hobbled over to the nearest tree and I followed. We climbed up the same tree , using just our chakra, focused on our feet. The kids stared dumbfounded on the ground. Just to throw them off even more we walked to the largest branch on the tree and hung upside down, having to focus even harder so we wouldn't plummet to the ground. "You get the idea. Focus your chakra to the soles of your feet and use it to connect to the tree. This is one way to use the power of chakra." Kakashi smiled at them.

"Wait a minute, that's a nice trick, but how does that help us fight Zabuza?" Sakura was once again, full of questions.

I let out a breath to calm down a little before speaking. "It's the only way to fight Zabuza. That's the entire goal of this training you guys. First, you'll learn how to draw a precise amount of chakra to a precise part of your body. This is difficult for even advanced ninja. This type of climbing requires a precise mixture of physical and spiritual energy and the bottoms of the feet are the most difficult place to balance chakra. Are you getting the picture? If you can master this, you can master any jutsu."

Kakashi interrupted me. "Well, theoretically," I shot him a glare. "The second point is to learn to maintain your chakra. When a ninja is in battle it's even harder to maintain and control his chakra levels, a deadly mistake. To avoid this maintaining chakra must become second nature, effortless." I paused for a second. "Well, I could talk about this all day, but that won't advance your skills, will it? You need to apply the power of chakra through training."

Kakashi pulled out two kunai and I pulled out one. We threw them to the kids. Naruto and Sakura caught Kakashi's and Sasuke caught mine. I spoke. "Use the kunai to mark the tree at the highest mark that you can climb, without using your hands. Then try to get past that mark the next time. At first you'll need to run at the tree so your momentum will take you as high as possible. Until you get used to it anyway."

Kakashi continued where I left off. We were trying our hardest to teach as a pair. "Ready?"

Naruto picked up his kunai. "I'm ready. This is gonna be no sweat all the way, believe it. Remember what you said Sensei. I'm the one that's grown the most."

It was then that we knew we should never have said that to him. Kakashi sighed. "You're definitely the one that talks the most. Now get focused and do it."

Naruto looked offended, but shook it off. The kids put their hands together and started to balance their chakra. They all took off at a run. Naruto made it two steps up the tree before falling. Sasuke made it about a quarter of the way before his chakra balance went off and smashed the tree some with his foot, marking it with the knife before coming back down. Sakura on the other hand sat on a branch about halfway up her tree, smiling down on the boys. I was extremely proud of her. "Well," I looked particularly at Sasuke, not afraid to be the toughest on him. "Looks like the female member of the squad has the most chakra control."

Sakura stuck her tongue out at the boys and Kakashi praised her. "Well done Sakura."

Naruto was at least being a good sport about it. "Yea! Good job Sakura. I always knew you were awesome, believe it."

Sasuke looked up at me and mumbled, not realizing that we could all hear him. "Whatever."

Sakura was instantly distraught, clearly she was hoping she would impress him. Kakashi tried to help her out a little. "Not only can Sakura control chakra, she can hold and maintain it as well." He looked toward Naruto. "We spoke about someone becoming Hokage one day, didn't we?" He was trying to get a rise out of the boys to make them try harder. "Seems Sakura's got the best chance of that. Wouldn't you say?" Kakashi stepped over the line with his next crack, not only getting a rise from Sasuke, but from me. "And as for the great Uchiha clan, maybe they're not so great after all."

Sasuke and I glared at Kakashi, and so did Sakura. "Shut up Sensei, you talk to much."

Kakashi looked over at me. "Alright, I think they're motivated. I know Naruto and Sasuke have much more chakra within. If this training works their mastery of chakra will become a valuable asset."'

I was still glaring. "And you little comment about the Uchiha clan? What was that?"

"I was just trying to get your brother going, I know how he feels about your clan."

"Well, don't push it with that again Kakashi, or I'll knock your chakra off balance and let you fall from this tree."

He chuckled at me. "You're cute when you're angry." If steam could be coming from my ear it would be. And with that, they all began to attempt the tree again, each time getting just a little farther.

* * * * * *

After an hour or so the kids were all exhausted. The kids were definitely learning from the teamwork. Naruto went and huddled next to Sakura. Kakashi smiled at me. "He's catching on. From now one he'll only get stronger and stronger. How strong tho?"

I leaned my head on his shoulder. "Naruto possesses more chakra than Sasuke. I can feel it."

"In fact, the amount of chakra he possesses is greater than my own, and yours."

Taglist 💕 @nubiadethemyscira @nimeryaa @o-franzii-o @chidori-mint @fan-g0rl @ari-hatake15 @puredicks @hunie-hun

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