#old Internet friend that my mom forced me to stop talking to bc she was convinced i was in love with her even tho i wasn't and then forbade

[house-in-the-backyard-trees]

Listen world if you're gonna just keep having keeping come in my life and then leave bc of my mother then just kill me bc I can't take it anymore

[faerielleart]

Hi sorry you don’t have to answer this! But I’ve seen you speak about LGBTQ+ and from my understanding you are a part? So I want to ask I have been dealing with my self identity and struggles and I want to ask if you can share experiences and how you find out since I think I am not straight to be sure… Thank you I hope this ask doesn’t put you in uncomfortable place.

yo anon hello!! 👋 no worries, i’m not in any way uncomfortable and i’m always happy to help if i can

first of all, keep in mind that not everyone’s experiences are the same and what i went through in my journey to exploring my sexual identity might be completely different from what someone else went through, hence take what i say with a huge grain of salt and know that everyone’s experiences are perfectly valid

alright hhhhh well my story’s pretty funny actually LMAO i think i already answered this some other time iirc? but yeah i started “having doubts” in middle school. i wasn’t interested in boys, i was genuinely meh in front of any dude my female friends found cute, i never thought about dating and i never thought about marriage. some people (my family) called me a “late bloomer”, my classmates secretly made fun of me for being “gay”.

thing is, i was obviously gay but i didnt know at the time- however everyone else did 💀💀💀 i was out there saying shit like “i wish men didn’t exist” “i wish the planet was only populated by women” and stuff like that on the DAILY and each time my classmates looked at me like 👁👄👁 and it was like the class’ inside joke that i wasn’t a part of. i was bullying victim unfortunately and i was the class punching bag 🚶‍♀️

one day, i was at my (at the time) best friend’s birthday party and all the girls in class were invited with some boys to her house. i remember we were playing truth or dare, my turn came and i chose truth; there was this girl who hated me with all her heart for no reason whatsoever and loved humiliating me while pretending to be my friend and i was too much of a pushover to say anything to her, anyway bitch started laughing and yelled in front of everyone “IS IT TRUE THAT YOU’RE A LESBIAN?????” and i was ,,,,, pretty much shocked. firstly i thought that was a dirty word, i had never known lesbians irl and i only knew gay men and i kinda associated lesbians with something taboo? i think i was maybe 11 or 12 years old but it was all peer influence, i was lucky to have parents who were never homophobic and never taught me to hate? so this “hesitation” towards this word was something that was instilled into me by my schoolmates who treated it as if it was something shameful and to make fun of. anyway, i told that girl to mind her own business and i was silent and sulking for the rest of the party.

several days later i was at the mall with my parents who asked me what was wrong bc i had been behaving weirdly since the party and i remember telling them exactly “we were playing a game and [girl’s name] asked me if i were…” and i didn’t finish the sentence. “if you were?” and i still was hesitant to answer but then i said “gay” in a really small voice and i remember getting super flustered and feeling so embarrassed?? and my parents just looked at each other and i think that was the start of everything lol in the next years through middle and high school i was so confused about myself i was refusing to label myself bc i thought i was “figuring myself out” and for a long while i thought i was bisexual. i used to tell my ex best friend about these doubts that i had and she was always a bit weird about it 🧍‍♀️

she randomly asked me shit like “do you wanna have sex with a guy? if you had a boyfriend would you have sex with him? would you suck his dick?” and shit like that and i always was so embarrassed about answering those questions? because my answer was always a straight up no, but i thought something was wrong with me if i didnt wanna do stuff with men. despite that, i still didnt truly question my attraction to men, i just went “yeah i mean all girls secretly think that men are ugly right that’s normal” for SO MANY YEARS LOL i thought everyone had the same experience??? i reached the point where i was 100% sure of my attraction to girls and i was forcing myself to be attracted to men as well bc “that’s the right thing for me”. i forced myself to be enthusiastic when my friends talked about boyfriends, i forced myself to pretend to have a crush on celebrities and THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING BUT LIKE ONE TIME I WAS WATCHING THIS TV SHOW WITH MY MOM AND THERE WAS I THINK ORLANDO BLOOM AS A GUEST AND I GOT THE IDEA OF PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM BC I THOUGHT HE WAS “THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN EVER” AND I SPENT LIKE HALF AN HOUR INSISTENTLY TELLING MY MOM “LOOK AT HIM HE IS SO ATTRACTIVE OH I AM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM” TO SHOW MY MOM I LIKED MEN 💀💀💀💀💀💀 I DID THAT A LOT IT’S LIKE I WANTED VALIDATION FOR IT i want to bury myself in sand thinking of this

anyway after an extremely failed coming out to my grandma whom i saw for the first time ever expressing disgust at the thought of me potentially being attracted to women i was terrified to do it again and i refused to tell any other member of my family. i still haven’t truly come out and i don’t think i ever will tbh even if i know my parents would love me and accept me regardless i still think of my grandma’s reaction and i start legit crying whenever i think of that

march 2020 comes and i finally accept that i am a lesbian. how did that happen? i was watching harry potter and i went “holy shit i wanna fuck hermione” literally that’s it nothing else. nothing else. that was that. that’s how i knew 100% i was a lesbian and i was tired of pretending i wasn’t. don’t ask me why, don’t ask me how but that’s literally what happened.

and that’s when everything started making sense tbh? like i just felt as if i had a huge huge burden lifted off myself for the first time ever? i said it out loud and i felt happy? the more i said it, the happier i felt? through the years i had always known deep down i didn’t like men, i was just pretending i was, comp-het was hitting me SO HARD and then finally i stopped letting it influence me.

what helped me was asking myself extremely specific questions after that to be sure, in the same fashion my ex bestie used to be weird about it when i “came out” to her. i imagined myself in really specific situations with fantasy boyfriends, i asked myself what i liked about men and the answer was always “nothing”, i asked myself “could i be capable of falling in love with a man?” and the way i was setting standards so high and ridiculous for any human for my “dream man” was the obviously negative answer to that question, i asked myself more intimate questions like “if it came down to it would you ever actually sleep with a man?” and the answer was always a solid no. basically putting myself in theoretical situations is what helped me finally understand. i had done that through the years and my answers were the same since the beginning, but i still refused to admit the truth to myself, until one day i just stopped.

and that’s my journey LOL it’s kinda pathetic tbh,,,,,, i could’ve been much happier with myself if i had just admitted it to myself since the beginning, bc deep down i always knew. would’ve spared me years of not feeling okay with myself, would’ve spared me years of surrounding myself with the wrong people who caused me terrible pain every time i heard them say lesbians are disgusting. but anyway, what’s done is done and i’m just happy now i get to be free and accept myself for who i am, unapologetically. on the internet. bc in real life i’m still traumatized 🚶‍♀️

i think questions are the easiest place to start. imagine yourself in situations, ask yourself how would you act and why. figure yourself out bit by bit and take your time to understand what you like. don’t ever let yourself feel pressured by anyone, don’t even let yourself feel pressured by the need of labels. don’t let anyone tell you your experiences are wrong or not valid, don’t let anyone tell you there’s a set way to explore your identity, don’t force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable doing. if you need to vent, my dms are always open. be happy exploring your identity, there is no right way to do it. and remember that you’re always valid. 💜

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #467

“oh, mary, mary, ain’t this fun?�� /  mary, mary, i’ve got a gun”

If the last person you kissed asked you to marry them, what would you do? Pray to god it wasn't in public and tell him it's waaaay too soon for that one. Does your favorite uncle have any children? Yeah, a son and daughter. Name all the members (first, middle and last names) from your favorite band. Ha, it's funny how once upon a time, I could do this. All I've got now is John Michael Osbourne. Have you ever heard a young child swear? Maybe? Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo?: Yes to both. Has a taste of something ever made you smile? Boy meet me at The Cheesecake Factory and see what my face does lmaooo As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a paleontologist sooo badly. I wanted to discover new dinosaurs, put a shitload of work into unearthing fossils and being so proud to see the final results... Even now as an adult, if I could handle the heat, traveling, and hardcore school, I'd still love to do that. Would you cuss the person you hate the most out to their face? No. My hatred for her is unjustified and I'd rather just not say anything to her. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? As one of the strongest people around. I imagine her with a job in medical coding, while also pursuing the hobbies of ball python breeding and writing. I'm sure she'll have loads of pets to love, too! Do you like Florence + The Machine? I've never listened to them. Did you watch the presidential debates? No. Do you ever watch Dr. Phil? No. Are you typically unattracted to people outside of your race? No; I can be attracted to any race. Have you ever ridden any animal other than a horse? No. Do you brush your hair when it’s wet? Yes. Do you eat the crusts of your bread? Yeah, I always have. Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah! At my childhood home, there was a tobacco field directly across the street, and when they weren't in season so the field was flat, Dad would help us with getting kites set up and in the air. Those are good memories. How are you for money? I don't make any money. Mom is struggling. Do you think you are more intelligent than the average person? Ha, no. Do you ever think about why we are here? Does it matter? We're here, so make the most of it. Do you like cherries? I fucking hate cherries. Name a celebrity that you admire that nobody would expect you to: Jeffree Star, probs. Can you use a yoyo? Not well, but yeah. Do you think Jenna Marbles’ videos are funny? I've actually never watched her. Do you like folk music? NOOOOOOOOO Ever had a crush on somebody of the same sex? Yes. Do you know any lesbians? Yep. Favourite member of your favourite band: I'm unfamiliar with all but Ozzy himself. And Ozzy is rad. Who’s your favourite female rapper? I don't have one. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No. I sometimes have very, very quick spasms when I'm falling asleep that feel like what I assume a seizure would, but they barely last a second. They seriously jerk me awake, though, and are very startling. What’s the oldest man-made object you own? I dunno. Is there anything you feel like you need a break from? Not really, no. What do you hate to hear people joke about? I will actually and remorselessly deck you in the jaw if you make a joke about rape. There are other things that are absolutely forbidden joking matters for me, too. What’s the largest animal you’ve seen in the wild? Hmmm... Nothing that big, really. Maybe a whitetail deer buck? Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yeah. We've had some savage thunderstorms. What political issues are the most important to you personally? LGBTQ+ rights and just equality in general, the pro-choice movement, environmental conservation, gun control, the abolishment of poverty and homelessness... There is honestly a lot. I could keep going. Do you know anyone who doesn’t know how to cook even just simple recipes? ... Me. :x Especially now that I'm in a relationship, I really want to make a greater effort to learn. I want to prove to him I give a damn about the success of our relationship and that I'm capable of being an adult that can take part in general adult responsibilities. ^What’s stopping them from learning this basic life skill? Laziness. Forgetfulness. The fear of getting burned. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? I can pick up on sketchy body language from a mile away. I'm too paranoid not to. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? At least from photographs I've seen, Utah appears BEAUTIFUL. That whole region of the U.S. in general. Are there any obscure foods you’ve eaten that most people have never tried? That's very unlikely. I'm far from explorative with food. When you travel to other countries, do you always try the local cuisine? I've never been outside the U.S. I would probably do that, though. I'd really want to experience the culture as thoroughly as I could. What did you do for your 19th birthday? Hell if I remember. What’s the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? I remember as a young kid, my parents, two sisters, and I were getting food at McDonald's, and whoever was in front of us paid for our meals. Such a sweet gesture for a larger family. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? No, but there actually is one that I can't recall the name of that I'd like to try when I cook myself, especially getting started learning, but yeah, subscription fees. You see a lot of YouTubers get sponsored by them, if that rings a bell. Do you have any psychological issues rooted in events from your childhood? Possibly my fear of men, with my dad having been an alcoholic that had a 50/50 chance of being very angry when drunk. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty organized, I'd say. I put stuff into folders. Would you date someone with braces? Yes? Do you ever rehearse conversations before you have them? Only always. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Myself, for sure. When taking a cab, do you talk to the driver? I've never even taken a cab. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? Nobody, really. My cat is occasionally in the living room to see who's home, but not always because he's a lazy cat, ha ha. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Not really, no. I wish. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No, bc I'm poor. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? No. Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? Yeah. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want some 'cuz I'm paranoid as hell. Are you waiting on anything right now? No. Have you ever been described as shy? Is it true? Oh, always. It's absolutely true. Name something you’re a complete sucker for? Baby animals, to name one thing. Do you remember when you first went on the internet? Nope. What is one way someone could completely put you off on a first date? Arrogance/over-confidence. What about a way someone could make you like them more on a first date? Make me genuinely laugh a lot, to name one way. Are you in love right now? Not yet. I love him with our decade of history, but I need more experience as a couple before I've got the confidence to say that. Do you wanna get married anytime soon? It wouldn't be smart to. I want to be in a strong relationship for quite a few years before I want that. Have you ever kissed someone in a band? No. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No but oh my fucking god I wish!!!!!! Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth? No, but Mom would threaten to. What was the last fruit you ate? Well, I had strawberry yogurt earlier today. Who was the last person to make you laugh? Girt. He is very, very good at that. Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you? No. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Hell yeah man. Is there one night of your life you wish had never happened? I wish it hadn't happened the way it did. Do you have a close relationship with your sibling(s)? No. What was the last thing that you shared? Some watermelon Sour Patch Kids with my mom. Do you think people talk behind your back? You couldn't get me to believe my mom doesn't at least sometimes to my sisters even if you tried your absolute damnedest. In real life do you laugh like ‘haha,’ 'hehe’ or something else? It depends on what I'm laughing at/at what intensity. Do you have any unusual skills? Nah. Who’s your favourite person? I don't have a sole favorite person. I love many people in different ways for varying reasons. Are there any chores you actually enjoy doing? No. When did you last have an "Oh, I get it now!" moment? Watching Attack on Titan yesterday w/ Girt. Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? My mom HAD to have suspected I was doing something FAR worse than innocent meerkat RP to have borderline fucking traumatized me invading my privacy and forcing shit out of me regarding what I was always doing on the computer so secretively. Like I get it, she was a concerned mother, but I was a fucking WRECK because I found it so embarrassing. It was insulting that she didn't trust her well-behaved daughter. What do you think about video games? They're great for both the creators and consumers. They're wonderful expressions of creativity, and so much fun to experience as a player, delving into a new world and getting engrossed in the story. I could go onnnn and onnnnn about what video games mean to me. I've gone my whole life as a loyal gamer. Are there any forms of Art you personally find pointless? I really, really don't get a lot of abstract art that's worth fucking thousands, BUT, I absolutely disagree that they are without purpose. The artist created what they did for SOME reason. As a distraction, a method of expressing emotion, to convey an idea... Are you tired right now? I have been SO ridiculously tired today. Like it's unreal. I've taken I wanna say three naps and I'm still sleepy. What’s something you do a lot? Drink something. I'm not talking about alcohol; just in general, I ALWAYS need some kind of drink by me, and I go through drinks pretty quickly. Are you currently on any other websites? Yeah, I'm watching YouTube. Are you good at using Photoshop? I'm decent, I guess. Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way? Yes, actually, at least by my mom, and she's right. My head tends to tilt VERY slightly to the right, and I can tell by how easy it is to bend my head that way as opposed to left. I'll feel a biiiit more strain.

[sirene312]

i'm back at home

This have to be the first time that the reason I disappeared here was not because I lost my internet, I don't even know how to start the nightmare that these last two-three months have been. What happened to me it's something so horrendous that i need to get this out of my chest now that i have the chance so i don't have to think about this whole experience ever again. sorry in advance but this is going to be a long post. 

Before you read this I want you to keep in mind that I live in a south american country falling apart with many problems (here's a translated thread (x) of the things happening on in my country. here’s the original with images (x) caution some images are distressing) where crazy things like this happen with impunity because literally nothing here works and that includes justice.

My dad passed away suddenly at the end of August, my brother and I went to his house that is on the other side of the city, and when we got there, apparently there were some “friends” living with him: a man, a woman and a child. At the time, since I was distracted by being utterly devastated and my mind was clouded with pain i didn't realize what this could mean, after all my dad had many many friends, but still i thought it was a little weird since we talked to my dad frequently on the phone and he never told us about these randos.

After the funeral, since we still needed to do more legal stuff and wanted to save to give him a proper grave/tombstone we decided to stay and live at my dad’s house (now ours by law) for a few weeks until we took care of everything. and this is where the nightmare starts.

We asked these "friends” of his when they would leave and go back to their place and they never gave us a clear answer, they were very evasive and never told us why they didn't want to go to their own home... and you know why? because they didn't have one. They were squatters. Here they are called “invaders” and you can read in these news articles (x) how they act (x), in our case these squatters were non violent but they did make our lives hell, because since we couldn't get them out we had to live with them or we would have lost our dad’s house and everything inside. 

In this stupid country if the squatters got into your home in a non violent way, you can't just force them to get out. Yes, you read that right. That is why we didn't went to the police, we knew they weren't going to do anything, they only do something if you have money, have contacts in the police, or a bunch of people make a fuss and attract media attention. 

The only thing we could do legally was go to la Fiscalía (I don't know what's the equivalent in English the persecution I think?) and file a complaint and some other paperwork, all that legal process can take years and meanwhile, the squatters can live there as they please and you can’t get inside your home again or get your things out...God...as you can imagine that was definitely not an option. 

After much thought we decided to sacrifice some of the money we had and got a lawyer for advice in what to do, and she said that while she searched for another legal way to get them out asap, we had to live in the house and don't ever leave it unoccupied, always my brother or I had to be there, because otherwise the squatters could change the locks and then there would not be anything we could do to get back in. I didn't want to do that but we had no other choice. Nothing could have prepared us to the things we would have to endure there.

Here are some the horrible things they did while we were living there:

They rearranged everything inside the house. We just lost our dad and I couldn't even keep the memory of how his house was decorated and how his things looked the way he had them. they moved around every little thing. it stills hurts, they had not right. 

They STOLE many things of my dad. They were only old things with very little value, but to me, their sentimental value was incalculable. like for example imagine that favorite chipped coffee mug your mom loves, or your grandpa reading glasses, or that comfy cardigan your granny likes to use when knitting, now imagine that a random stranger took them without permission and is using them as they please, worse because your loved one is no longer here and that is the only thing you had left of them. Now you have an idea of how sad and indignant i felt.

They never wore masks or didn't even wash their hands, they didn't care they were putting us all at risk with their lack of hygienic measures, in fact mocked us because we were super clean and wore masks when they were near us.

The woman pretended to have a serious medical condition and would threaten to report us for attempted murder  if we spoke to her in any way that she wouldn't like because getting “upset” triggered her “condition”. Which is ironic since I’m the one with a heart condition and she could have jeopardize my health with all the stress she and her husband were subjecting me everyday. 

They turned all the neighbors against us! that evil woman would pretend to have “fits” of “her disease” right on the street were the neighbors would witness it to gain sympathy and later tell them that we caused her that, they believed her and everyone on our street hated us, and even all of them signed a bullshit letter to have us evicted from our own house and to let them keep the house. Good thing that wasn't legal and the government office ignored that ridiculous letter.

They used everything inside the house without permission, like our refrigerator, the kitchen appliances, the washing machine, the stereo, our water and food, our frigging clean bed sheets, it was like that was their home and WE were the intruders. that made me so so mad. 

They psychologically tormented us. They took advantage of our emotionally fragile state to do and say things to get us so upset so we would leave the house for good. And they almost got it, my mental health was a mess, grieving and dealing with this was too much but our mom convinced us to stay, she said our dad wouldn't have wanted us to lose our house to these damn thieves.

and speaking of theft...they even tried to steal OUR DOG. The kid one day said “this is now my dog! our new dog, my mom said so!” and i was like wHAT NO! but i just said something like “but we love him we’ll be very sad and lonely if he's not by our side” bc i didn't want to upset the kid. She was very sweet and innocent, she and I actually got along well and played sometimes (she gave me drawings that i still have and i gave her some paper crafts and my childhood toys) it was not her fault that her parents were evil. That horrible man wasn't even her father, he treated her bad, god I hated how he yelled at her and made her cry she was just a little child, i wish i could have had the power to do something.

At this point you must be thinking, why the hell were you acting like a doormat?? why did you allowed them to treat you like this!! why didn't you do something!? oh believe me I was very vocal in my discontent and didn't give them an inch, but the thing is there was little we could do, if we tried to talk to them they ignored us at best, police were not going to help (we at one point did end up going to the police station just to get told what we already knew: that they couldn't do anything), and even when one day i snapped and i told them to leave us alone and not touch our things, they just brushed me off. They knew if things escalated and violence of any kind were used against them we could be in legal trouble (same applied to them, that's why they never physically attacked us). We were alone in this battle, didn't have the support of anyone. What else we could do? our hands were tied. 

We had to endure all this shit non stopping every day we were there. I was saving all my limited phone data for important things like calls and messages to my mom and my lawyer, so my only source of entertainment was the cable TV, I can't believe that what kept me sane was watching old reruns of Cupcake Wars and home improvement shows.

But the more time passed the more this situation was unbearable and we were not doing well, this distressed my mom so much that she decided to pack a small suitcase and go stay there with us, we didn't want her to do that because she is an elderly woman and her health could be at risk but she didn't care and just show up one evening and let me tell you, after months of not seeing her when she walked through that door i was so happy and relieved and emotional that i started crying two seconds flat and we just hug her for a long time. Damn these people for causing us to be apart when we needed our mom the most.

Now with our mom there I think they felt threatened and so those pathetic fools went so far as to make a false document where it said that they were “our tenants” so they could be protected by law and could stay there “legally” for at least a year or two. That stupid stunt would be their downfall. 

We were cited to go to a govt office that deals with rent and housing problems where they were going to present that bogus document, the office needed for all parts to be present there, so my bro, our lawyer and I got there and later the squatters and their kid since they were using the scarce public transport. My mom stayed back at the house alone. I don't know if it was luck or divine intervention (or karma in their case)  that the woman in charge couldn't make it and the audience got postponed for the following month, our lawyer was fuming she didn't want those horrible people to spend another whole month at our house, she called my mom and told her to lock all doors and don't let anyone in, we quickly got into the lawyer’s car and got to the house first before the squatters and we put a huge padlock on the door! That way they wouldn't be able to get in, they only had keys (that were originally our spare keys that they stole) to the front door.

I can't even begin to describe how nerve wracking was all this, but for the first time i felt hopeful because finally things were in our favor, now if those squatters tried to get inside of our private property by force they could get in serious trouble. How the turntables bitch!

And that's how we could GET THEM OUT AT LAST. 

When they realized they couldn't do anything more than pace furiously on the sidewalk they left (the woman tried having one of her “fits” to get people’s attention but since it started to rain she quickly gave up ha!). We thought they were going to stay in any of the neighbor's houses but they left to who knows where. A few days later we changed the locks and we got our uncle to go stay and live in the house while we finish sorting the legal papers. The only thing i felt sorry was for the kid but we later learned that the squatters found another house to take over the very same day we locked them out, so i know at least that poor little girl is not sleeping on the streets. I feel sad every time i think of her, this is not how a child should be living bc of her deplorable parents. i wish i could have had the chance to say goodbye to her in better terms.

I still can't believe all this happened to us when all we wanted was to get through grieving our dad and give him a better grave with some flowers. Hopefully we can finally finish saving and get that done now that we don't have to stress 24/7 over people wanting to make our lives hell.

I would have liked for this insanely horrible experience to end with them receiving punishment for what the did to us, but by this country standards when dealing with this kind of situation we were very lucky, this was the best outcome many people has told us, and honestly I'm just happy that it's over and I'm back at my home with my family and I’m sleeping on my own bed again.

Last but not least I want to thank everyone that took the time during these months to send me their lovely messages and their condolences, and were very supportive and understanding of my situation, although now is when I'm able to read them, they have made me very happy thank you so much for all your kindness.

and now to end on a high note here's Tomy our sweet dog, that belong to us and we get to keep because he’s ours :)

[itsclownhours]

merlin as tumblr posts again because when i edited a typo in the original it fucked up the formatting

everyone: you have to make time for yourself

morgana: *stays up until 1 am every night crying* me time

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morgana: ohhhh so the pain is forever and endless i get it now

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young!mordred: once i learn how to read and write it’s over for you hoes

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lancelot, in cursive: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: what does this say

elyan: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: bitch me neither that’s why i asked

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arthur, to merlin, about lancelot: is he...y’know…*gestures downard to super hell*

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uther, straight: hey what’s up guys do you want to go get some food

arthur and morgana, gay: ??????

uther: oh sorry i mean asgdhjdhs guys do you??? want some food??? lmao ashdjdjhs

arthur and morgana: oh! agshdjjshsj yeah lmao agshdj

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morgana: do you ever associate the word “girlfriend” with wlw so much that you forget straight boys have girlfriends

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gwen: am taking care of a tiny kitten. have given it an excellent name. dad thinks i’m calling her “minty” but this is actually short for The Government

gwen: The Government bit my finger and pooped on the floor

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gwaine: peak art is when you were like six and you scribbled all over ms paint and then carefully paintbucketed in all the different shapes in the scribbles to make “stained glass”

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morgause: forcing my car to commit sins so it goes to hell with me when i die

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leon, after arthur gives the knights a pep talk: so motivational...time to drill a hole in my skull

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morgana: i want to be a she really did that!! kind of girl but i don’t do anything

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arthur: pros and cons of being my friend:

arthur: pro: you have a friend

arthur: con: it’s me

.

gwaine, to lancelot: bro let’s watch a horror movie together...bro you look scared do you wanna share a blanket dude? if you wanna hold hands it’s ok. if you wanna rest your head on my shoulder it’s alright bro...bro if you wanna kiss that’s understandable that was a scary movie...we can keep cuddling after the movie is over it’s alright dude…

.

lancelot: old town road but he just keeps listing all the places he has horses

gwaine: i got the horses in the back

gwaine: horses on the track

gwaine: horses in the shack and i got horses fetching snacks

gwaine: i got the horses in earth’s core

gwaine: down under the floor

gwaine: horses in the store and i got horses on the moor

.

gwaine: died and came back as a cowboy i call that reintarnation

.

morgana: *shows up at college* excuse me will someone please direct me to the leftist brainwashing class? i’m here for the leftist brainwashing class

.

merlin: finally found someone i was more disappointed in that myself: the entirety of america camelot

.

morgause: customer (derogatory)

.

arthur: business major (derogatory)

.

leon: leonardo dicaprio date a woman over 25 challenge

gwaine: thought that said “leonardo da vinci” and was confused since da vinci was gay and also since you were calling out someone who’s been dead for well over 7 years

leon: well. da vinci has been well over 7 years, i’ll give you that

.

morgana: the retirement age needs to be lowered to 25. i’ve had enough

.

gwaine: i’m fucking in luigi’s mansion

leon: who?

gwaine: some italian freak

gwaine: oh you meant who am i fucking. your mom

.

leon: stop setting things on fire because you’re curious about what will happen. what will happen is fire

gwaine: but what if...something else happens. just this 1 time

.

morgause: bored? burn an orphan. who’re they gonna tell? their parents?

.

morgana: due to personal reasons i will be a serial arsonist

.

mithian: fruit (affectionate)

.

arthur: going to the fruit (derogatory) store do you want anything

.

gwen: fruit (salad, yummy yummy)

.

morgana, to gwen: i’m allergic to hookup culture and too weird to participate anyway. die in my arms

.

kilgharrah: i am fast and full of teeth. i will die in a barn fire

.

morgana: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana: evil again

.

morgause: every day i put on my evil little clothes and do my evil little tasks

.

percival: megan thee stallion and timothee chalamet are the same age

gwaine: megan thee stallion 🤝 timo thee chalamet

.

morgana: hey how many swords do you have

morgause: sword of a lot

morgana: blocked

morgause: parried

.

morgana and gwen simultaneously in 1x10: *chanting* girls with swords girls with swords

.

morgana: the more knives you have the more valid you are

.

kilgharrah: blocked. blocked. blocked. you’re all blocked. none of you are free from sin.

.

morgana: seven deadly sins speedrun

.

gwaine: i want 6 pet sloths so i can name them after every sin except for sloth

.

merlin: the eighth deadly sin is networking

.

arthur: online school culture is constantly wondering if there’s a sneaky little assignment you missed...is it tucked under modules or assignments or heaven forbid, announcements? who’s to say?

.

gaius: asynchronous learning

merlin, a clown: mmmnaptime

.

arthur: have you ever just cried because you’re you

.

elyan, to percival: bro, we are teens . it’s ok to cry around me . i’m your best friend . i love you … bro we are kissing now … no don’t stop bro … bro …

.

morgana: mad bc i was told as the bride my wedding would be “my day” but actually where will be a whole other bride there and we will have to share it

.

leon: i’m disgusted every time someone does a gender reveal and it’s about a gender i already know about, what kind of reveal is that

.

leon: gender reveal party??? no, this is a gender repeal party. we out here revoking genders

.

gwaine: you’re laughing. i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you’re laughing

.

gwaine: make no mistake not only am i party rocking but i’m also in the house tonight

elyan: are you shuffling?

gwaine: everyday

.

morgana: lung extensions

morgana: with extended lungs you can: scream longer, breathe harder, brag about extended lungs

morgana: this procedure is not legal but i will do it for you

morgana: do not tell the police or morgause

.

morgana: i’m so sick of dna, i’m going to have all mine removed

morgause: good news! this is a real thing that can happen to you

morgana: perfect, sign me up

.

morgana: if YOU die because i poisoned you...how is that MY fault like i’m sorry you aren’t immune to my poisons i think that’s genuinely something you need to work on. fix yourself before blaming others

.

arthur: my body is NOT a “temple”...it is a CLOWN CAR and NONE OF THESE BITCHES KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

.

morgause: live

morgause: laugh

morgause: l u r k

.

mcdonald’s employee: please sir get off the table

gwaine: I ASKED FOR TWO LARGE FRIES *dumping bag of fried out onto the floor* BUT INSTEAD GOT A HUNDRED FUCKEN LITTLE ONES

.

merlin: i relate to vampires because i too must be clearly and specifically invited in before i have the audacity to try to participate in anything

.

gwaine: it can’t be september, just yesterday is was marchgustuary

lancelot: today’s date: [REDACTED]/[REDACTED]/20

.

gwaine: why are internet friends not normalized. it’s 2020 they’re probably making robots that will wipe your ass for you and i can’t text grace in the uk and tell her to have a good day? fuck you

.

percival: imagine if halsey was in beauty and the beast

elyan: are you insane like gaston. been in pain like gaston. bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like gaston

.

arthur: my dad is learning about pronouns/gender identity and he called me in the middle of the night to tell me he is cis

.

merlin: ough. those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. maybe the next one will be better

.

morgana: i’m at the dark candy store, buying sorrowful ranchers

.

merlin: i’m surprised no one has ever punched me in the face

.

gwen: i want a gf so i can send her memes about loving my gf

.

morgause: oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open

.

morgause: decided i will no longer be paying taxes. what are they gonna do, tax me more? go ahead. i won’t pay those either. oh i’m going to prison? the one paid for by my tax dollars? sorry, didn’t pay em. now there is no prison. i am at least 3 steps ahead of the government at all times

.

merlin: lab safety but the teacher just wants to you die

merlin: lab safety: 1. drink whatever’s in that beaker. i know you fucking want to

.

morgause: my therapist is selling her house so i’m gonna find the listing online and make her living room my zoom backgrounds before our next session. you wanna get in my head? ok well i’m in your home babe. i’m in charge now

morgana: yeah i see why you’re in therapy

.

morgana: i hate it when people ask me to “explain my thought process” like hell if i know

morgana: what’s going on in that head of yours?” nothing i want to be a part of

.

mordred: hey girls what’s the hot gossip what’s new what’s the 411

morgana and morgause: everything is bad and getting worse by the day

.

morgause: common letter greetings from 1889

morgause: dearest my-soon-to-be-enemy

morgause: salutations and i hope you enjoy contact prison

morgause: i hope this letter finds you in a ditch

.

arthur: *highlights all the wrong and unimportant stuff with full confidence*

.

merlin: i’ve tried opening my mouth and saying words before and i’ve gotta say, i’m not a fan

.

morgana: a large group of humans is called a fuck that

.

website: synonyms for blood: juice

mithian: thank you thesaurus.com, that is absolutely not what i was looking for

.

gwaine: gen z humor was single-handedly cultivated by the zoo wee mama comic and you can’t convince me otherwise

.

morgana: screw this it’s halloween now *turns into a swarm of bats them consumes the moon*

.

morgana: i can’t believe the heterosexuals are gone. they’re gone

uther: we’re still here

arthur: who said that

.

gwaine: no more france

gwaine: society has progressed passed the need for france

.

morgause: girls night out (of body experience)

.

morgana, to morgause: what do you mean “what have i been up to”...i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch

.

merlin: stop complaining about your life. there are literally people living in camelot

.

arthur, trying to find new knights: oh so you’re a human? name three pictures with traffic lights in them

.

gwaine: we mcfreaking lost her doctor

.

morgause: looking for a wife in the walmart

.

morgause: arrested for visiting www.killing.com/murder

.

gwaine, to merlin: no bro this isn’t a date listen bro

gwaine: it’s bruhnch

.

morgause, to cenred: if you think i’m not interested, you’re right

.

gwen: put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe

.

morgana: idk what mad scientist needs to hear this today but your goggles and lab coat are incredibly flattering and all your experiments will block away the scientific community who called you a fool

.

morgause: i’m gonna fucking die disease

morgause: symptoms: back hurts a bit too much for a bit too long

.

arthur: if you think i’m annoying now wait until i get over my fear of being perceived as annoying

.

merlin: sorry if i’m bothering you

surgeon: how do you keep waking up and saying that

.

gwaine: home depot needs more small tunnels for me to crawl through tbh

.

percival: hot tip: soup is customizable! go wild but know your limits

.

morgana: brains say “i know a spot” and take you to a traumatic memory from 2011

.

mithian: “can you multitask” yes actually i am losing my mind and chilling at the same time

.

morgana: quarantine schedule to keep you on track

morgana: wake up

morgana: neglect online school

morgana: yearn (ongoing project)

morgana: again!

.

mithian: if cats don’t want to be held like little babies maybe they shouldn’t be roughly the size and shape of little babies

.

morgause: fuck this pandemic i could’ve ruined 2020 on my own

.

morgana: a cute girl told me she has lots of plants in her house and i told her for some fucking reason “damn the oxygen at your place must be mad crisp” and somehow still got her number so. chase your dreams. nothing is impossible apparently

.

morgana: oh to wear a knife strapped against my thigh beneath a silk dress

.

morgana, running off with morgause at the end of season 2: i hate this place i want to go to build a bear

.

morgana, at work: i’m evil

morgana, 1 second after clocking out: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana, the next day at work: evil again

.

season 2 morgana: i am fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me

.

morgause: *thinks about love* okay well i am just losing my mind and being insane now

.

arthur: you think you can hurt my feelings? i’ve been the least favorite in every single friendship group i’ve had since i was 8

.

morgana, staring out the window at arthur and merlin: look at them plotting my downfall

.

mithian: i wanna buy clown noses in bulk and start sticking them on every person i see whose mask is pulled too low

.

mithian: oh to be a tiny cat whose biggest concern is the looming threat of being gently picked up and kissed on the head

.

morgana: i deserve to be kissed

.

morgana: did you have a homoerotic friendship with a girl in high school that ended in tragedy and you two are never talking again or are you normal?

.

mithian: just diagnosed with forehead kiss deficiency :/

.

morgana: i think i’ll continue to wear a mask when this shit’s all over, and huge sunglasses. my face is none of your business

.

morgause: my therapist told me that sometimes when a person consumes the same piece of media over and over they may be unconsciously coping with a mental block so now i’m trying to figure out what the fuck i was going through that made me watch ratatouille 8 times a day for a solid month in middle school

.

morgause: opposite of depression nap. depression awakeness. refreshing the same three websites over and over. there’s nothing new on any of them. eight seconds have passed and it feels like a century

.

morgana: very homophobic that my head is not laying on the chest of my maidservant as i am drifting off to sleep

.

merlin: no no, it’s fine, i’ll text myself back

.

morgana: *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns*

.

arthur: i’d have to be a fool not to? being a fool and not doing things are my top two activities

.

gwaine: you think it’s easy to be me? you think it’s easy to get up every. single. day. and be an industrial grade dumbass? well it’s not. but that’s what i do. and i’ll never stop.

.

morgana: ah shit i’m sorry man, my schedule for the week is all booked

sunday: yearn

monday: pine

tuesday: long

wednesday: ache

thursday: sigh

friday: lament

saturday: crave

.

morgana: talents include: being a public menace, denying God’s will, petting dogs, yearning, being dramatic, witchcraft, quoting classic literature when no one asked, napping, befriending a murder of crows, being gay, covering up my emotions by being “the funny friend” when in reality i’m really going through it, wistfully staring out the car window

.

merlin: *doesn’t even do the bare minimum* all in a day’s work

.

cenred: a “period” is not an excuse to have an attitude

morgause: i miss the times when men would go to war and die

.

morgana: the cheap halloween vampire fangs stay ON during sex

.

gwen: maybe i pspspspsp’ed you because i love you. did you think of that? huh?

.

morgana: mom said it’s my turn to hand out the ominous and vague warnings

arthur: that wasn’t mom

uther: she JUST SAID it was her turn

.

morgause: i’m a chill person but if my back doesn’t stop hurting i’m going to take out my spine and beat God with it

.

mithian: one of these days i’m going to say the f word

mithian: then you’ll all be sorry

.

morgause: 3 words every girl wants to hear

morgause: club penguin membership

.

morgana: hmm, yes.

morgana: time to s i p

morgana: some *~crispy~*

morgana: d i h y d r o g e n m o n o x i d e

.

morgause: roll call! raise your hand if you’re in the following fandoms:

morgause: 1. suffering 2. the pain of living

morgana: *raises both hands and a leg*

.

leon: it’s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager

.

merlin: yeah bro hit me up and we’ll cancel some plans sometime

.

morgana: my brain, or as i like to call it, the suffer contraption

.

morgause: my circle so small i almost cut myself off

.

morgause hyping herself up before entering any public area: i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal

.

arthur: today in french we learned how to say “what’s in the bag” and i couldn’t stop laughing because

arthur: swaggity swag qu’est-ce qui dans le sac

.

merlin: even when i am not speaking, know that horrible sentences are raging within me

.

mithian in 5x04: sorry bro i can’t go out tonight. i’m stuck in an eternal state of melancholy

.

morgause: shower gel label: immerse yourself in this new “Me Time” luxury frooty tooty. abandon all sense of identity and dissolve your memories into this soothing chemical broth. one billion melons are in this tube...use them wisely

.

leon, writing a headline about the most recent knights’ mission: local dumbasses knew that what they were getting themselves into and did it anyways

.

morgana: *feels random pain in body*

morgana: kill me

.

mithian: *slowly inches closer to your pet*

.

morgause: *refuses to look at texts* i love conversation and communication

.

arthur: cute gender neutral things to call your partner

arthur: significant annoyance

.

leon: the most unrealistic fantasy trope is the one where half of the pair works in some sort of shop and one is a customer because i have literally never thought about a customer with anything other than contempt

.

gwaine: why is everyone talking about 1d all of a sudden did one of them die

elyan: they’re 10 years old now

gwaine: i wish them luck 4th grade is tough!!

.

gwaine: must i pursue a career? is it not enough to be passionate about tv shows and snack foods?

.

leon, aroace: cool date idea: me eating oatmeal by myself

.

morgana: i have no self of steam

.

gwaine: i hate wearing a mask. i miss being able to gently kiss my trader joe’s cashier on the lips after they ring up my $8 box of blueberries

.

morgana: committing acts of violence today…*pushes morgause’s glass of water off the counter*

.

gwaine: mario will do anything to put a smile on your face

.

morgana: haha we get along so well...our brains just work the same way

morgause, after changing her entire personality to match morgana’s after analyzing the way she talks and texts: haha yeah it’s incredible

.

gwaine: covered in sauce, trembling

.

arthur: *says the vaguest most incoherent shit ever*

arthur: you know what i mean :/

.

[online]

morgana: *screenshots things her girlfriend said to her so she can read it again later* yeah i’m not gay

uther: dude no offence i don’t want to sound like an sjw or anything but if you have a girlfriend you’re straight. that’s just how it works

morgana: i’m a girl

uther: what the fuck

.

morgana: the second you say “family group chat” i know we are not the same

.

gwen: what if early in the morning after buying groceries we got caught in the rain and i used my jacket to cover your head ut we still got soaked and we made a fire at home and brewed tea and sat together watching the rain as our cats hid under our feets at each sound of thunder and we ate stew for dinner and watched tv until we fell asleep on the couch with your head resting on my shoulder

.

gwaine, to percival: hold my hand bro we’re crossing the street

.

percival: imageine if we all just started ignoring celebrities though

percival: i can’t stop thinking about how funny this would be. imagine kyie jenner posting a selfie and it gets 12 likes

.

morgana: this isn’t fun anymore i need a kiss

.

morgause at 1159 pm: life’s great lol

morgause at 1201 am: does anyone really know me? most importantly do i really know me? what if life doesn’t get better than this?

.

merlin: king i needbfjdjgnjfg qldkr snmsmdjgjt ….. .. i need--fjrjkrhgphpqn dd

arthur: huh *dunks merlin’s head back underwater*

.

morgana: i don’t go to therapy or take any pills i just rawdog life and let my brain turn into soup

.

mordred: dark emails

morgause: to whom it WILL concern

morgana: now that this email has found you

.

gwaine: hi waiter could i get the spaghetti i promise i’ll behave this time

.

merlin: the sexiest thing about me? everything hurts my feelings

.

gwaine: how is sex fun if i have to remove my crocs to have it

elyan: if he makes you remove your crocs for sex he isn’t the one

.

morgause: a motherfucker could use an embrace

.

morgana: every night after 10pm my feelings start crawling out, starved, as i beat them with a moderately large stick vigorously hissing “stay back” until i inevitably fall asleep

.

fanfiction: there’s only one room available…

morgause, who specifically chose a rated m and explicit story: oh my gosh there’s only one room they’re gonna share a bed what’s gonna happen next

.

morgana: i can have a little unrealistic romantic fantasy. as a treat

.

arthur: some of y’all weren’t asked out as a joke in middle school and it shows

.

morgana: how is everyone doing. i’ll go first i’m doing badly

.

morgana: being a kid was so fucking funny we’d just go around lying to each other’s faces constantly to impress each other one of the knights told me he was the first person to visit the sun and when i asked him what it was like to prove he was lying he said he didn’t remember because they sent him there when he was a baby and to this day the mental image of nasa launching an unsupervised baby into the sun still makes me crack up

.

elyan: do you wish you were seeing somebody

leon: a therapist

.

morgause: when you see someone from high school and they don’t recognize you that’s the exact opposite of the mortifying ordeal of being known. the gratifying relief of being forgotten

.

[texting]

morgana: you seem hard to kill

morgause: aw thank you

morgause: i haven’t been killed yet

morgana: to your knowledge

morgause: what

.

morgana: just truly bonkers how much i love lying down……..like being horizontal? Unparalleled

.

arthur: when i was younger i really thought that piranhas were going to be a bigger issue for me than they’ve turned out to be

.

morgause: filling out the depression and anxiety checkboxes at the doctors is always so sad but also very very funny

morgause: i am handed a piece of paper. i check off a box that says “every day i wish i were dead”. i hand back the paper. the paper and its contents are never again discussed.

.

morgana: unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, i cannot just “walk up and join the circle of people talking”, but it does sound lovely thank you

.

morgana: if california is so expensive why don’t you move to somewhere like ohio

morgause: full offense but i’d rather be dead in california than alive in ohio

morgause: ugly and uninspiring--review of ohio

.

morgana: staying up late not even fun anymore it’s just sad

.

morgause: everyone should be comfortable in their own skin :)

morgause’s brain: except for you

morgause: except for me :)

.

mithian: please peer pressure me into finishing projects

merlin: do it or you’re straight

mithian: i said peer pressure not threaten

.

morgause: the year is 2030. bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. the uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. i go to hug my wife for comfort. she is cake.

morgause: i sob in despair as i eat my cake wife. she is delicious

.

gwen: do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

gwen: “i used to think that melancholy was a vegetable” that’s incredible, let’s hang out more

.

morgause: basically i accidentally listened to a song a few years ago and it led to this

.

morgana: *desperately tries to romanticise her homework*

.

uther: do i have to be pretty? is it not enough to simply be the loudest person in the room with the worst opinions

.

morgana: oh i can’t possibly study, i have allotted the next six hours to yearning vaguely

.

morgause: allow me to de-introduce myself

morgause: my name is [redacted]

.

arthur: i have no good posts today i’m sorry guys

merlin: haha “today”

.

mordred: “do we perhaps use magic because we were bullied and needed blah blah special interest blah blah” shut the FUCK up i use magic to see my anime husband’s big fucking honkers. sorry you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: i came here to bully people

mordred: is it because you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: no it’s because i’m deranged

.

mithian: pretty sure seven deadly sins is a bit excessive

mithian: just combine wrath and gluttony and make hangry

mithian: sloth and pride make Bottoming

.

morgana: despicable me ruined the word minion whenever i become a supervillain i’m just going to have to call them my homies or whatever

.

gwen: as a bisexual i am attracted to lanky boys with dark hair, girls who look like they could kill me, and anyone wearing vampire teeth

.

morgana: if someone tried to assassinate me that would make me feel so important and valued and beloved

.

gwaine: turn down for whom?

.

mithian: fact: usage of the word “the” has begun to decline. this is because as more and more people become educated, usage of the word “thoum’st” has become more common.

.

morgana, kidnapping mithian in 5x04: truth or dare? uhhh i dare you to………………………………..fall in love with me. haha i’m just joking bro………………..unless…………………………?

.

gwaine: my thoughts are like a clearance sale

gwaine: once it’s gone it’s gone

.

morgana: *pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce” specifically to piss off morgause*

.

gwaine: do you prefer women or men?

leon: death

.

morgause: honestly no offense but i love falling asleep and sleeping. it’s like. ok goodnight

.

morgause: ngl it’s kinda difficult to be the moody and mysterious background character in everyone’s life when you’re quarantined at home

.

morgause: i need to get laid

morgause: --to rest. put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend

.

gwaine: it takes a lot of heart to be this stupid

gwaine: it takes real strength not to know shit about fuck

.

elyan: what’s your favorite anime?

leon: i’m a christian

.

arthur: just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

lancelot: where are you gonna keep it

arthur: :)

merlin: i don’t like this conversion very much

.

gwaine: i’m home alone with the tv repair man

gwaine: i’m no fool, there are only two possible outcomes of this scenario

gwaine: porn or murder

gwaine, an hour later: apparently there was an unforeseen third outcome where he fixes the tv and then leaves

.

morgause: well tomorrow fucking sucked

.

morgana: dark brunch

morgana: *mixes a mimosa with evil intent*

morgause: this is just what being gay is like

.

gwaine: movie idea: guy finds a stone tablet engraved with a mysterious alien language and gets caught up in a national treasure-esque adventure to decipher its meaning, only to learn that it’s just an alien “live laugh love” decoration

.

arthur: sorry i didn’t mean to open your ig story 20 seconds after you posted i’m just unemployed

.

arthur: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgana: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

OR

cenred: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgause: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

.

morgana: wow would you look at that. it’s already that time of the night where i move the stuff on my bed to my chair. can’t wait until tomorrow when i move the stuff from my chair back onto my bed

.

gwaine: hi i’m bethany with girl defined ministry and today we are going to be talking about how to stan my chemical romance in a God-honoring way

.

morgana: bottom: ,,, !!! ;;; vers: …. top: no punctuation whatsoever

morgause: tops are illiterate

.

morgause: i slept for almost 12 hours but i might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

morgana: morgause that’s a coma

morgause: sounds festive

.

mithian: i am a simple woman. i enter the kitchen. i eat four servings of bread products. i leave.

gwaine: it’s one serving if you serve all of it to yourself

mithian: i like the way you think, friend

.

gwaine: spencer from icarly and rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid are on the opposite ends of the same spectrum

elyan: the gay older brother scale

.

merlin: i found a rock :)

merlin: my troubles will soon be over

gwaine: parasite (2019) dir. bong joon ho

percival: uncut gems (2019) dir. josh and benny safdie

elyan: cain

.

morgana: social distancing is okay for me bc i’ve been touch starved since the 15th century. i’m used to it

.

mithian: fanfiction hits different when you’re gay and yearning and haven’t experienced an ounce of romance in your life

.

morgause: callout for rude baby seen at grocery store

morgause: i’m calling out a baby (approximately 12-14 months old) from the grocery store due to its rudeness. i’m guessing its age based on appearance, motor skills (atrocious) and whatnot. anyway, i smiled at this baby and it just stared at me. as soon as i began to move on, though, the baby said “no!” and started giggling when i turned back around. this happened multiple times. the baby’s actions were toxic and manipulative. the baby was also manhandling a package of dried fruit which wasn’t yet paid for (quite minor) and was just generally sitting around and not helping

.

gwen: we need to melt down all the pennies and make the statue of liberty a girlfriend

.

morgause: had a realization in a dream i just had that this isn’t real and i can just do whatever i want and so i started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small i woke up sleep paralyzed

morgause: i was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing i did was use them to torment the nearest man

morgause: and the actual God woke me up and put be into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what i’ve done

.

morgana: does anyone else feel an awkward tension whenever you see another person your age in the grocery store

.

gwaine: the number 87 kinda looks like a plague doctor

percival: you’ve just changed the fucking game

elyan: [|87

.

morgana: a lonely bitch...a loner...i love isolation AND detachment

.

gwaine: i will not call the judges “your honor”. in america we don’t have titles of nobility. they will get a simple “yes dude” from me

gwaine: calling big bird just “bird” because i do not respect him

.

morgause: *photo of a pizza in a bad* caught the bae sleepin

mordred: now why would you waste a perfectly good pizza :(

morgause: that “waste” happens to be my wife getting her beauty sleep. think before you speak

.

gwaine: *finishes wedding vows* don’t forget to like and subscribe

.

morgana: *is bitter but is also right*

.

morgana: how dare you not notice me when i’m ignoring you

.

morgause, killing cenred: men be like i’m bilingual i speak english and over women

.

gwaine: after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

percival: i love that you’re adopting instead of buying from a breeder

.

mordred: joking about a kink is a gateway drug into developing said kink

morgana: my kink is mental, emotional, and financial stability

morgause: unrealistic, settle for choking like normal people

.

gaius: gay people use halloween props as home decor year round

morgana: shut up shut up this black jar with a raven painted on it is holiday-neutral

.

[texting]

morgause: can you come out?

morgana: yeah gimme a minute

morgana: morgause, i’m gay

morgause: i know that. come out to the car

morgana: car, i’m gay

.

morgause: God FUCKING damnit i’m such a hopeless romantic one day someone’s gonna say “i love you” and i’m just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

.

gaius: i’m not wearing glasses anymore i’ve seen enough

.

morgause: sorry my battery’s on 96% i gtg

.

morgause: you hate me? wow you think you’re hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so you can go grab a number and wait your turn

.

morgana: don’t ignore me ?? i despise being ignored ?? i mean i’m ignoring like 8 people right now but still ???

.

morgana: shoutout to my favorite coping mechanism, isolation

.

morgana: the concept of physical beauty is a scam unless you’re calling me cute in which case it is valid, actually

.

merlin: oh, so when other people go outside it’s “good for their health” and “highly recommended”, it’s only when i do it that it’s a “containment breach” and a “high-level threat to public safety and security”, huh?

.

gwaine: a charming photo of young john mulaney, seemingly celebrating the kennedy assassination

merlin: princess diana wasn’t john mulaney’s first kill

.

morgause: hate when i got out in public and the public is there

morgana: it seems the public is no longer in the public

morgause: i’ve won...but at what cost?

.

morgana: girls will see a chance to commit arson and be like “sorry, i have to take this”

morgause: girls will see a building that’s not on fire and say “is anyone gonna burn that” and not wait for an answer

[tfw-no-tennis]

hxh RESUME

back at it again w/the hxh, heres my recap of the last few eps 

ok so i totally forgot to recap that one ep at the end of the hunter exam arc lets see what i remember from like 3 wks ago lollll

i thiiiiink i left off in the middle of ep 21 lol. i really dont remember much tbh so im gonna skim the ep to refresh

exposition time! its so wild that if you lose ur hunter card That It like u cant get another or retake the exam hgabjdfuhasjf Ls 

also the fact that you can sell it is rlly interesting 

leorio & kurapika backing up gon as he confronts illumi again :’) good lil family 

illumi u fool. gon is a shounen protag. he can do anything he sets his mind to

the fact that gon thanks illumi for telling him where killua is....hes literally THAT polite like...what a perfect boy 

hisoka just fuckgin stepping out of the shadows....ok bitch 

the fact that gon fucked up illumis arm that bad with one hand....boi is STRONK 

AUGH AUGH AUGHHHH HISOKA IS SO CREEPY AUGHHH I HATE THIS BIIIITCH 

ok but like is illumi implying that hisoka is a fr p*do bc uhhhhh thats so nasty oh lord. pls stay away from gon, and killua, and like everyone as a matter of fact 

EWWWWWWWWWW I HATE HISOKA HES SO NASTY. PLS STOP MAKING P*RNO FACES IN RELATION TO 12 YR OLD BOYS. 

no but rlly what IS hisoka gonna do now. im assuming he’ll show up p soon (tho probs not in the zoldyc arc like i thought bc its shorter than i thought) 

ok the fact that they have the internet is hilariously wild to me for some reason....it just seems like this would be one of those fantasy shounen worlds with very little tech (a la one piece) but lol nope we can just google shit hvbhjdhjdfks

gon: it was fun when you beat me up for 3 hours and broke my arm! seeya dude!

i love gon he is so chill and doesnt seem to hold grudges except when it really matters (like hisoka and illumi) 

hanzo has.....ninja business cards....thats amazing hvbhsdjkujfnd

dont worry pokkle, leorio was basically carried thru the hunter exam by various people and also won by default. he still deserves his license tho

an exotic game hunter sounds pretty cool! i wonder if we’ll see pokkle again. kinda doubt it? that sounds pretty firmly non-combat based, and therefore probably pretty far from any plot lol

so gons dad is a bigshot huh.....whatever hed be a bigger deal if he didnt abandon his son tbh 

gon swinging his feet on the bench....sooo cute 

so ging could restore a bunch of ruins but he couldnt raise his son...ok

im just gonna be bitter at this guy for abandoning the most perfect boy vhbhjfbsjhdhbfsk sorry dude but being a good hunter doesnt make up for being a shit father 

gon is so precious ;_; 

WHAT WAS SATOTZ GONNA SAY TO GON???

why does it look like theyre googling things on MS paint 

ah yes, padokea, on the continent of Africa But Sideways 

idk if i talked abt it before but the world map is WILD lmao i love how its all the continents/landmasses scrambled around.....im super curious abt that weird island in the top center of the map, thats the only thing that immediately sticks out as not having a real life equivalent 

the music in this show is so charming :’) i love the main theme sm 

gon is sooo precious i literally cant get over it. and his hurry to rescue killua is so sweet....and i love how naturally charming/charismatic gon is....pretty much everyone he meets likes him, especially leorio and kurapika, who basically adopted him after knowing him for like a day, and continue to be completely taken by him

ok wtf is satotz & co talking abt......do they know something abt ging that they arent allowed to tell gon???? shouldnt gon have access to the same info now that hes a hunter? i need ANSWERS

i bet this whole thing abt the hunter exam not rlly being over is a metaphor abt the hunter exam NEVER truly ending bc youre always being tested, or st

ok the ED continues to be So Much like especially the last shot where the 4 main characters look like theyre posing for a JC Penny catalog while the singer goes FULL metal-screamo

ok ruth and i just rewatched the next two eps woohoo

i love that there are tourist busses that take people to the front gates so they can like pose for pics and stuff vhbhjafdsfkj and its like ‘ah yes here are where the local assassins live!’ thats so funny yet it makes so much sense

i love that leorio passed tf out during the bus ride. big big mood 

gon is so cute...hes like ok yes i understand that we’re not supposed to go in but i think they can make an exception for me bc im very polite. 

those 2 dudes r so ugly and so dead god bless

that bigass buster sword....sir please 

ruth and i rlly thot that the old guard guy was gonna turn out to be grandpa zoldyk or st lol

the fact that the dog managed to eat All their flesh but left some clothes....skill 

also the dog is named mike but it sounds like the guy is calling him miku hvbjdfssk

this cant be the first time some morons have been killed here likeeee 

i cant believe nobody has visited the zoldyk estate in 20 years damn they all rlly b havin no friends. depressing 

the whole gates thing is wild. also that part where gon gets the math wrong on the weight.....BIG mood kiddo 

ok the part where gons on the phone w/the butler is soooo good oh man. i love how gon just calmly dials the phone again after hes hung up on the first time and then YELLS....and leorio and kurapikas faces r so good 

also the butler guy unfortunately has a point, it isnt foolproof that gon is here Legit....but he IS let him see his tiny bf :( 

as ruth pointed out, the butler guy is reminiscent of kuro from one piece. same vibes 

maybe if leorio was jacked like he is in the manga/1999 anime he couldve opened the gate that first time around....Ls 

god i love this shows approach to Everything so far,....as ruth put it, half the time its like ‘oh wow they should do [x]/i wish theyd do [x] but ofc they wont cause its a shounen’ but then they DO do [x] and its like damn thats dope 

anyways i love how gon is increasingly approaching situations with his Plucky Shounen Protag Attitude in full swing, and he pretty much gets shot down every time. BUT his general determination to see killua bc killuas his FRIEND and hes gonna RESCUE HIM is still a good and pure motivating force 

like here, when hes climbing over the wall and hes like whatever i dont wanna have to deal w/being tested thats bullshit, i wanna see killua, my intentions are pure, im gonna try my luck with the dog....i was like ok yeah he’ll get over and like tame or defeat the dog and the guard will be suitably impressed bc nobodys ever done That before, and then gon will continue on to get killua 

but NOPE instead the guard calls him down and explains that gon Will Die if he tries that, and then the guard will die too for letting that happen. and gon is like oh shit my actions have consequences for people other than me, wow. 

and THEN the guard takes them in to meet the dog. and hot DAMN that is a scary creature. not even really a dog tbh. they did an excellent job making the dog Legit Scary and not just like, big and flashy looking....those eyes are so soulless, and the proportions are freaky 

and the guard says exactly what i was thinking - that gon would use his Country Boy Woodland Creature Skills to workaround the dog....but then the subversion - this creature is NOTHING like the woodland critters gon is probably used to dealing with. theres no way gon stood a chance here. the guard just saved him from a really unfortunate death 

i love all the Super Heavy Stuff in the servant house that seems so inconvenient vbhjdkfasjfld. also forgot to mention earlier but the guard guy being Absolutely Ripped was wild and kinda funny 

training montage! gon continues to be so cute. and i love so much how leorio and kurapika are like no, you rest, we’ll take care of this. good parents!!!!

and then!!!! they sync up and use the power of gay love to almost open the gate. but then gon uses the power of Improbable Shounen Protag Healing Speed to toss that arm sling off and help out

i feel like leorio was side-eyeing gon like w8 a sec u broke that arm like a few days ago that aint right.....

oh man i almost forgot abt that scene with the zoldyks torturing killua :( :( this poor kid he doesnt deserve that 

also mom zoldyck seems truly awful but i must say her aesthetic does fuck. the victorian-lookin outfit paired with the futuristic cyclops visor thing....excellent. also im betting this face bandages are from killua cutting her face 

this family is so fucked up hvbsjdhjfbakdfn

killua telling his mom that gon is definitely gonna make it there :’) hes got such unshakable faith in his bf thats so good.....

back w/the gang, and immediately they run into more trouble in the form of the young girl butler, whose name i dont know, but i love her....her design is SO good oh man. a non-caricature black person? who also isnt sexualized? in MY anime??????

 i love how gons approach to conflict is currently ‘let more powerful person beat me up for hours straight in hopes that they get tired or something idk bro’ like....i love him lol, is it in an effort to show how determined he is? he doesnt even try to dodge her blows or get around her....id be tryin to hop that fence lol 

oh shit the tiny zoldyk kid from earlier is spying on them....she was w/the mom so im sure thats not good

when he punches the rock part and it breaks....strong boiiii 

oh man that little flashback from when killua first came back and told her that he made a friend ;_; bruh 

i love butler girl :( she wants to let gon but knows it isnt allowed....and as soon as she starts to waver BAM here comes mom zoldyck JFC that was so sudden and jarring....im assuming butler girl isnt dead cause that would be lame and anticlimactic 

also IS THAT NEN??? NEN>>>??? NEN??? HM? NEN????????? 

im so annoying abt nen i need to make one of those ‘is this a pigeon?’ memes w/’is this nen?’ bc thats me anytime anything remotely weird happens lmao

i do think its rlly nen this time tho

anyways shit is wild, cant wait to meet the full zoldyck family 

PREDICTION CORNER: 

as i said above i doubt hisoka will show up now bc this arc is a lot shorter than i anticipated. also im doubting that illumis even gonna show up honestly 

i think we’re gonna have this OP for a while, as the part just at the end shows gon and hisoka fighting in what looks to be an arena, and ik the next arc is the heavens arena arc, which im assuming is the tournament arc....

also i have no idea what that weird building in the OP is but my guess is that its the building w/the heavens arena in it bc its tall and,,,,heaven 

i predict there wont be much fighting in this little arc bc how tf else is it so short. at this point i rlly think gon is just gonna grab killua and go lmao. im super curious abt how thats gonna go down, considering that killua is currently strung up just bc he wont apologize...so i cant imagine his family would just let him leave w/gon. i wonder if killua will fight them, or if gons determination will impress them and then theyll let killua go (doubt it)

thats basically it....we’ll see abt the next few eps holla

[historyrepeatsitself]

modern au headcanons p2

hey guys, so after uhh everything crashed and burned as u can see from this post, i did not follow thru in good time with writing a modern au headcanon post… BUT!!! fortunately, i have returned from my semi hiatus to bring you… inspired by this OG post… httyd modern au headcanons part 2!!!

also sorry for the weird bullet points, i did this in microsoft word so the entire thing wouldnt fucKING DELETE AGAIN

·         so like i said with the last one, cami is obviously internet famous for her ridiculously cool youtube channel

·         shes also quite popular on insta but youtube is more her jam

·         her fame started when a video of her pickpocketing stoick and them him finding out and absolutely Losing It went viral

·         it was a vine

·         you can hear hiccup laughing in the background

·         her videos used to mainly feature pranks she did but since then shes branched out

·         she still does a lot of pranks but now her videos also include: parkour, absolutely HORRIBLE karaoke (ft. hiccup and fishlegs), Q&A, playing with toothless for an hour and thirty minutes (yes, it did get a lot of views ((also toothless is a cat in this au))), roast battle vs snotlout (spoiler: snotlout cries), “a compilation of hiccup doing nerdy shit and me calling him a nerd (8 min, 30 sec)”, “reading yalls fanfiction abt me (fishlegs has an asthma attack)”, videos of her doing sports, & more

·         like in the original hiccup and fishlegs have their own channel

·         its literally shit

·         they update it only on lethal amounts of caffeine

·         its usually VERY active during finals week (hence their not great grades)

·         it puts shane dawson to shame

·         “NOT CLICKBATE: OBAMA IS FROM THE MOON????”

·         “NEIL A IS ALIEN SPELLED BACKWARDS??? DID ARMSTRONG USE THE MOON AS A WAY TO FUEL UP BEFORE JUMPING BACK TO HIS COLONY ON MARS??”

·         “MY CAT IS NOT FROM EARTH (VIDEO INCLUDED!!!!)”

·         “got rejected again…. </3”

·         “video of fishlegs on sugar high after i gave him a bunch of candy bc he wouldn’t stop crying”

·         “kids from our school found us” (during the whole video theyre panicking while wearing wigs and fake mustaches)

·         needless to say its very confusing when someone connects that those guys are also on cami’s channel

·         shes pissed but comes around and they regularly star on her channel while she regularly stars on theirs

·         hiccup also has his own side channel where he explains different animal species (natural history stuff) and also does various language tutorials

·         fishlegs reads poetry and sings on his side channel

·         cami has a video where she reacts to hiccup’s channel, he actually gained a lot of followers from it

·         hiccup and fishlegs go to the same school while cami goes to an all girls school across town

·         she actually doesn’t hate it

·         hiccup and fishlegs are public school kids

·         that public school vibe

·         kids from their school are so confused how they know cami and rly jealous

·         cami once stopped by after school (her school gets out a little earlier) and punched a bully for them

·         it was iconic

·         she smacked him right in the face and hauled hiccup’s ass up and dragged them both in the car

·         cami is pretty popular at her school

·         hiccup and fishlegs are NOT

·         theyre honestly a bit like peter and ned from spiderman

·         gotta love that lego deathstar

·         cami does not like legos

·         both hiccup and fishlegs are smart but don’t put in a lot of effort

·         fishlegs excels at English and hiccup is good at science classes (esp bio) and history

·         fishlegs is ok at history but finds some of it a little boring

·         they HATE gym

·         theyre both shocked to find that cami (a dumbassTM) is actually a straight A student

·         shes super competitive so she actually does super well and gets rly rly good grades and all her teachers love her

·         she didn’t for awhile bc she has ADHD for school was HARD but shes gotten a lot better and got tutors and study methods and also shes just super competitive

·         she was on math team in middle school and hiccup wont SHUt Up about IT

·         “hey theres my favorite student mathlete!!!!!”

·         fishlegs doesn’t even try and help him anymore, he does this to himself

·         fishlegs wins English awards every year

·         he also got a 36 on his English ACT hes just SO GOOD

·         hes also a theatre kid lmao

·         he does shakespearean theatre on top of his school theatre too

·         “to be or not To Be”

·         Hiccups not a huge English fan and he doesn’t rly like Shakespeare but he does rly like Oscar wilde

·         Dorian gray is the Shit

·         Fishlegs was so happy when he read it bc they could finally talk about LiTeRaRy ClAsSiCs!!!

·         the trio met bc hiccup and cami’s parents own rival business companies

·         both stoick and bertha are very Rich and Important

·         hiccup and cami sometimes have to go to business dinners

·         they fuck around

·         that’s how they met

·         hiccup bumped into cami replacing the soap in the hand dispenser in the men’s room with silly string

·         he thought she was the coolest person ever

·         she tried to fight him at first but they quickly united against the Evil Boring Dinners With Stupid Old Men

·         they locked this one old racist dude in a bathroom stall once and sent fishlegs a video

·         truly forces of chaos

·         the forces of chaos were unfortunately grounded for that tho

·         stoick is very busy and valhallarama travels a lot so they hang out at hiccup’s bc its usually empty (cami’s house is also kinda far)

·         cami’s parents are divorced but her dad stops by occasionally

·         fishlegs has a foster family and that’s how he wound up meeting hiccup was when he moved to be with his new family when they were in second grade

·         hes rly grateful that hes been able to stay with them for a long ass time

·         theyre actually pretty nice

·         hiccup gets to come over for dinner

·         snotlout is hiccup’s bitchy cousin whos a grade ahead of hiccup and fishlegs

·         he eventually becomes nicer to them at the beginning of sophomore year

·         some bad stuff happens  (might write an angst fanfic idk lemme know (itll prolly be hiccup centric))

·         basically, snotlout kinda realizes hes been a bitch

·         hes sorry

·         things get better

·         until yknow

·         gotta keep things sad cant get rid of all the emo

·         but anyway snotlout does wind up becoming a good friend to the trio!! <3

·         oh lmao when valhallarama came home for Christmas she thought hiccup was either dating cami or fishlegs and she didn’t know which one bc hiccup was so shy she just figured he was dating one of them and just didn’t tell her (theyre all like super close yknow)

·         after seeing hiccup and cami holding hands (a RARE moment, it was bc they thought it would annoy snotlout bc he hates cami (it did)) she assumed it was cami

·         she brought it up

·         LMFAOOOO hiccup laughed for like 10 minutes

·         She then immediately was like oh ok ur gay and its fishlegs

·         that was even funnier

·         “mom fishlegs is weird lmao” (he and fishlegs probably friendly roast each other a lot tbh. they definitely call each other “weirdo” “freak” “nerd” other possibly explicit words, its chill)

·         Valhallarama is so confused

·         she didn’t say it but “child u literally told me that u thought ur little cat that’s missing teeth is prolly from area 51, ur the weird one son”

·         she asks stoick

·         hes just as confused

·         she drops the whole topic

·         it has yet to occur to bertha

·         fishlegs’ family is good as long as hes good theyre chill like that

·         oh and cami’s school has uniforms

·         yes, she does have to wear a skirt

·         yes, several of them were shredded freshman year

·         bertha is So Tired

[gatorademachinegun]

An Incomplete List Of Dumb Shit I've Done In No Particular Order

uhh trigger warning for injuries and blood bc dumb shit also means being a reckless idiot sometimes

nearly took my own hand off with a metal grinder temping at a machine shop

didn’t tell anyone about it, calmly walked to the bathroom, notified my mother, dug the first aid kit out from under the sink, and stitched it up myself

attempted to go back to work but was busted by my supervisor and sent home

i routinely go walking around the farm at night. in my sleep wear.

went walking out to check on the cows during the blizzard we had a couple weeks ago because my fathers an asshole who refused to check on them himself.

was forced to help move heavy metal shelving despite me telling them i had messed up my shoulder that week and dislocated my left shoulder holding this heavy ass sheet of metal but when everyone around me started screaming I just calmly said, "I told you all this would happen. It's too late now. Let's just finish this." and then relocated my shoulder 20 minutes later and left

accidentally fell off the jungle gym, landed like spider man, then stood back up and did it 3 more times.

went mountain trail riding and broke my throttle thumb half way up the hardest trail there but instead of signalling and stepping off my stupid ass just floored it till I got to the top

kicked a good sized dent into my wall during a flurry of panic because I'd suddenly remembered that I hadn't wished my girlfriend goodnight

accidentally pissed off the bull and was chased up a tree by 2,400 pounds of Anger With Horns, where i spent the next 2 hours waiting for that fucker to leave

accidentally pissed off the bull a SECOND TIME while riding a honda mini trail 50 that i was too big for.

i panicked and floored it, hit a sand patch, crashed through the barbed wire fence, ran a stick of re-bar into my ribs (right under my left boob)

i then picked myself back up, straightened the bike, walked back up to the house and scared 20 years off my fathers life when he saw me covered in a gross mix of sand, gasoline, and blood, parking the bike back in the shop like it wasn't no big thing

broke my right wrist when a dump truck bed at Bass Pro unexpectedly flipped while I was monkeying around on it

(back at school with my broken dominate wrist) taught myself to write with my left hand because the kid who was supposed to be writing my assignments out had terrible handwriting and took too long

intentionally took as long as possible to do any kind of student council assignment because I hated math class and if i took long enough i could miss 90% of the math lesson

got into a screaming match with a dude named Bret, yelled so hard it triggered my gag reflex so i threw up right between our feet, and then went right back to screaming. Bret was so startled he couldnt come up with an argument back and i have not spoken to him one on one again.

rearranged the entire living room while home alone because I got bored

left my glasses in the refrigerator

left my phone in the refrigerator

left my glasses in the freezer, then wanted to microwave them to clear the frost on the lenses because it was 4am and i wasnt all the way awake yet

left my glasses under my father's bed who sleeps an entire floor above my room. took me 2 hours to find them and i just sat their stupefied for a while

randomly thought of this ask and fell halfway down the stairs laughing, then just sat there, wedged on the stairs for a while

I ran outside the other day forgetting the patio was iced over and slid right from the front door all way off the end of patio and landed ass first into a snowbank a whole foot taller then i am

my mother was there to watch the entire thing and she still hasnt let me live it down

repeatedly climbed onto the roof to fix the satellite dish because it may be snowing but i am not going to be without internet

learned Russian because i was too lazy to google translate those Russian cat memes but somehow motivated enough to learn an entirely new language for CAT MEMES

was practicing Russian verbs at my local library and this angry white lady who thought i was summoning Satan started screaming at me while i continued to chant verbs till someone a couple stacks over just said "lady shut the fuck up" and i had to stop bc i was laughing too hard

my nervous 15 year old ass looked right into the eyes of a well off white lady as she let me into her giant house bc i was 20 minutes late to a Halloween party and said “this house is too big. the ceiling arches are too tall for proper acoustics. it’s hard to scream up the stairs for your kids isn’t it?”

i just looked her in dead in the face with a blank expression and she never actually answered my question

she just vaguely gestured towards the kitchen and i just Fled and then she stood in the foyer for a solid 10 minutes before following me to the kitchen to ask me my name

we never talked about and i still keep in contact with her daughter and she's never mentioned it either

every time i see this woman in a public place if we make eye contact she stares at me for a long time and i Know she's Remembering

needed to ask a gas station employee about the gas pumps. found one kneeling by the sandwich cooler and crouched next to him so i wasn't looming while i talked, waved a little bit and said "hey uh-" and must have startled him bc he whipped around to face me. slapping me across the face with the sandwich in his hand in the process. I didn't comment on it. just asked my question and left to laugh my ass off alone in my car.

laughed at a pun my mom sent me i fell off my stool at the school library, still howling, and the librarian came over to check on me saying "are you ok? you're laughing so im assuming you're ok? please let me know if you need help" and then she left while i continued to wheeze on the floor for the next 15 minutes

those are all the ones i can think of off the top of my head but I’ll ask my friends what other dumb shit they’ve seen me do and add to this list as I remember stuff 

[echy-hexi]

Me:You let a pyro have a match... What did you think she was going to do? Just light her cigarette?

My dad, almost having his eyebrows singed off:Yes

Me:...I'm disappointed

My dad:As you should be.

///

King:hey I gots a question

Me:Nani?

King:What happens when a girl takes a penis enlargement pill?

Me:...I- what?

///

Me:You're too sober Faith, go get a beer.

///

JJ:Bruh why the fuck are the staff at this funeral home crying?

Celo:Because they work at a fucking funeral home

King:But they should be used to it

Me:No mom

JJ:Yea but you'd think they'd be desensitized to it.

Me:they're paid to cry

Celo:People have emotions unlike you. Not everyone is an emotionless piece of shit.

King:Sympathy

JJ:I'm not an emotionless piece of shit, you're confusing me with Faith

Me:lmao

///

JJ:It looks like Satan's cock

Me:Wtf

Celo:It does

Me:How would you kn-... Nvm

King:Satan, did you just send a dick pic? [Context:They all call me "Satan"]

Me:No wtf

JJ:Trap

King:Don't lie

Fai:oh

Me:I'm literally bleeding from my twat and you assume I just sent a dick pic

King:TF is a twat?

Celo:Pussy

King:o

Me:I regret life decisions

///

JJ:Lei are these still your notes for us?

"My brother said he is a explosive potato"

"Oofity scoop"

"I mad I wasted 4 years at LCA"

"ok listen here failed abortion im tired of trying to be nice so fuck off you ugly lonely ugly cunt and good night"

"Drink coffee it doesn't stunt ur growth although u don't have growth"

"lmao I got kicked out of 2 friend groups bc i said tiddies in Japanese"

"This is why you're not allowed to have a kid"

///

JJ:Isen wants to speak to your manager lmfao

///

Me:We're great friends here at Chaotic Evil™ the Group Chat HQ

JJ:Move I'm gay

Fai:Oh great

Me:We know

///

Masky:I don't know JJ I just want to kill someone so I can eat *vibrates eyes*

Me:o h l o r d

Me:gEt ThE hOlY wAtEr MoThErFuCkErS

Masky:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Masky:NOT THAT!

JJ:*sprays with holy water*

Me:XD

Masky:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

JJ:*spritz spritz bitch*

///

JJ:Everytime somebody says some dumbass shit I have a split decision between saying: "fuckin pardon?" or "come again *****??"

Fai:Why not both

Fai:Mix them together

JJ:Pardon again *****? Fuckin come again??

///

JJ:Anyway I'll be sleeping w multiple soft n fluffy pillows like the trashy hoe i am and y'all will just have to deal, g'night

///

Me:My sister wants to send a bird and some grass to China

///

Fai:i'll just stab him in the dick. No more kids for you buddy

///

Me:Reasons I don't need to discuss you butt taco

///

Jeffo:That goddamn bever exposed my twitter

///

JJ:Don't fuck rachel gardner tf y'all are both underage

///

Celo:Concern is futile

///

Su:You're literally talking to someone who read Danny x Rachel fanfiction at 5 in the morning

///

King:How y'all doing

Fai:Dying

///

Me:*recites the entire script of "history of the entire world, i guess" in chat*

///

JJ:YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT ANYBODY BEING A BOTTOM CELO

JJ:I PUSHED YOU AND YOU LITERALLY FUCKING MOANED

Su:w o a h t h e r e

///

Me:"My parents are going to beat me" kinky

///

Me:Last year:King being accused of raping JJ

///

Me:ur mum gae

///

Me:SHE WAS LOOKING AT LEVI'S DICK-

Su:And I oop-

Fai:Stop. Halt. Halt. Stop.

///

Me:EVERYONE IS GAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Fai:No lei

King:Nope

Me:GO BACK TO YOUR CLOSET

///

Me:lets rape africa

Fai:lets not???

Me:they scrambled to see who could rape africa the fastest

///

Me:let's blame the maine on spain

///

JJ:Cactus dildo

///

Me:the holes just appear over night and magically get white stuff in them-

Fai:Alright

Su:I-

///

Me:FBI OPEN UP MOTHERFUCKERS

///

Me:michigan's a 4-year-old basic moody bitch wearing crocs and socks drinking some fucking starbucks and breaking down in the corner of america while everyone else gets high and drunk af and ignores him to cry. except ohio

ohio is michigan's not alone buddy

///

Me:kim kardashian is a boy?

///

Me:levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith

Fai:halt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halt

///

Me:all i heard was big. what-

Fai:don't worry bout it

///

JJ:You ask your broke ass friends if they have money

///

Me:my sister has a girlfriend apparently-

Fai:Her hand

Me:no

King:Jeffo

Fai:ye

Me:This chick she met in a game

JJ:When's the wedding

Me:Lmao

///

"You can't legally stab children"

"Not on purpose anyways"

///

Me:TIL my dad's boss lives near Jeffo and my sister's into punky skaters

JJ:TODAY I LEARNED THAT CELO'S MOM KNOWS MY MOM WHAT THE FUCK

Me:so kids what lesson did we learn

Fai/JJ:Nothing

JJ:Jynx

Fai:This is horrible

///

Celo:unholy tutu screeching intensifies

///

Me:im seriously crying by saying "im a weiner dog"

Me:i am the weiner dog

Me:the holy weiner dog

Su:w h e e z e

Me:im the all-mighty weiner dog

Celo:I can't breathe

Su:c r y i n g

Celo:And I'm ashamed

Me:im crying-

Me:im not

Me:im probably contact-high

///

Su:The question is not are you choking, its what are you choking on?

///

JJ:"Go jerk off to your fictional waifus, you horny fucking weeb"

///

JJ:I speak English not oui oui baguette motherfucker

///

King:i just had a flashback of when Destiny Powell started to have nicknames and called Nini tater tot.

King:then christoff just yelled, TATER TOT SHE'S A THOT

JJ:I don't remember Destiny saying that but i definitely remember Christoff saying that

///

Me:hi and welcome to college! you want fresh air? WELL IT CANT FUCKIN HAPPEN! BECAUSE WE'RE TOO AFRAID YOU'RE GONNA COMMIT SUICIDE! SO THIS IS ALL YA GET. A SMALL CRACK IN THE WINDOW!

///

Me:i enjoy the fact that none of us can actually bother correcting shit after sending unless someone points it out or we notice and it pisses us off.

///

Me:i read that as "my new seat in meth is great"

///

JJ:stop flirting some of us are trying to spill some tea

///

Celo:Squidward thicc af 😏

Me:I- Cel why-

Cel:Aren't you the bitch that likes fell

Me:fuck you dont use this to your advantedge

///

Cel:Also, how does that explain why Skyler doesn't even have a dick

///

Me, using something from Tumblr:

Cel:There's a fight going on down the block. Wanna go see?

JJ:What-

Lei:Wh- what the fuck- why?

Fai throws Jeffo and Kint down the hallway to their right yelling “FUCK YOU!"

Sounds of things smashing

Lei:I could use some air and time out of the house. Sure why not-

Est:Take me with you I've been stuck in here for *counting on fingers* 50 years-

Lei:You're only 21-

Est:It only looks like I'm 21

Lei:What the fuck-

---

JJ:Did Cal just tell me he loves me for the first time?

Lei:Yes.

JJ:And did I just do finger guns back?

Lei:Yes. Yes you did.

---

Cel:Hello-

Fai, grabbing through the bars:*Starts to choke him*

Lei: Faith! Faith! Hold on let him explain!

Fai:He’s selling us out!

Lei:Let. Him. Explain.

Cel:*Coughs* Thank you, Leila.

Cel:I’m selling you out.

Lei:*Angry screaming*

Cel:*Choking noises*

---

Cel:Why are you smiling?

Jeffi:Can’t I just smile? Maybe something good happened and I’m happy!

JJ:Faith tripped and fell in the parking lot.

King:Did she die?

JJ:No

///

Me:you force fed me pizza when i was a baby i remember the future

///

Me:all these quotes from the internet, family members, or friends. then there's "ahem You can't be bisexual if you're sansexual. You get to live with this information now, bye"

///

Some random discord shit

[dreammutual-remade]

high school!mark

request: highschool!mark if u love me plspls

 word count: 5.5k

a/n: lucky that I love u anon hehehehe !!!!! also wOW I didnt mean to make this so god damn long itS REALLY JUST THESE GOD DAMN HIGH SCHOOL AUS IM WEAK FOR THEM OKAY. look at this cutie hOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO RESIST

mark, renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin, chenle, jisung

warnings: the usual intermittent cussing and probably an inappropriate joke or two

this au is my Ultimate Weakness it makes me soft as hell alright

………………….

LETS DIVE IN

okay so your mom has a job that forces your family to move around….. A LOT

and while you’ve gotten used to it for the most part it still sucks having to leave people behind and make completely new friends once every couple of years

this time you’re moving to a new school for your SENIOR YEAR and you’re livid

bc like ??? it’s senior year and you have exactly zero (0) friends since you’re new,,, yet again

you Threw A Fit when you found out but your mom was like shut up you ingrate soon you’ll be in college and won’t even have to worry about it

so you, an ingrate, shut up :/

you move in a month before school starts and the house is nice and your room is cute so that’s a plus !!!!!

you hang up some pictures and organize all your cute little trinkets you’ve collected over the years aw

you’ve even got a lil succulent garden growing on your windowsill

ITS CUTE AS HELL OKAY

alright so you’re gonna go explore around town because you , don’t know where anything is and you wanna find some good spots to hang

you take the bus into the middle of town because who tf is tryna drive themselves amirite ladies

support ur local bus driver

anywhom this isn’t a HUGE town but it’s one of those cute towns where you can pretty much walk anywhere you need to go

(god i wish that were me)

so you spend all day just, walkin

you find a library and pick up some books …….

both for decoration and reading okay

and you find a couple of restaurants and write them down to try later along with some coffee shops and whatnot

eventually you’re tired and prolly a lil sweaty bc it’s summer and you’re outside and ugh

so you find a nice big park and a tree and sit down at the base of it to read and mindlessly sketch things in the margins of your book

whEN OUT OF NOWHERE

someone shouts

“HEY WATCH OUT”

and you look up just in time to dodge a sOCCER BALL HURTLING TOWARDS YOUR FACE

it bounces off the tree and rolls a couple feet away

“uhhhh holy shit” - you

you just kind of sit there astonished for 5 seconds before you get up to get the ball and look around for who saved your LIFE

and there’s boy jogging toward you looking extremely embarrassed

you meet him halfway to hand him the ball and he’s like

“oh mY GOD i’m so sorry i told them to settle down but they never listen to me and jisung just ??? doesn’t know how to not take everything seriously and he lost and got pissed and kicked it and we didn’t even kNOW you were over here and also i’m so sorry”

you smile and tell him it’s fine and hand him the ball

you go to get back to your tree and he’s like hey uh you there uh wait up

god he’s awkward

and you turn around to face him with an expectant look

“so um, what’s your name? i haven’t seen you around here before and like in case i ever gotta make this up to you you know ??”

cute

you tell him your name and stick out your hand to shake and he grabs it very hesitantly and tells you his name is mark

he has , very warm hands and they’re only slightly bigger than yours but that’s still cUTE

MARK HAS BABY HANDS I DARE U TO SAY HE DOESNT

he says he hopes you enjoy your book and he’ll make sure the boys don’t disturb you anymore than they already have

you wave as he goes and he gives you a smile over his shoulder and his cheeks are tinged pink and wOw this boy is a cutie patootie

you go back to your reading but now instead of doodling you’re just writing his name or drawing his big doe eyes or his smooth hands

(((((let’s pretend we’re all good at drawing okay god knows i can’t do much more than a stick figure)))))

the boys leave after an hour or two and you leave pretty soon after then because the sun is setting and you gotta be home for dinner

basically your mom wants to make sure you aren’t kidnapped and/or lost in a new town

which, to be fair, is not that unlikely

you have your headphones in and you’re leaned against the bus window half asleep as you go

bitch wake up youRE GONNA MISS YOUR STOP

it’s the same bus driver who saw you get on and honestly there aren’t a lot of people on the bus so he makes sure you get off

“hey you, girl back there, hEY! this is your stop girly”

you thank him profusely and tip him because uhhhh u gotta get home and like Not Lost

you skip home with your bag of books and miscellaneous items you found at the thrift store!!!

you bought a little figurine of a dragon and she’s beautiful her name is saraphina because why not

that’s completely irrelevant i’m so sorry

i have ADHD

anywhom

you walk in and you’re all like hey momma !!! how goes it !!:3

and your mom is Sus™️ because why are you in such a good mood

and you’re like !!! cause i had a good day okay love u bye i’m going to my rOOM

don’t let her question anymore or else she’ll dig out that you met a Cute Boy

you go to your room and get out all your purchases and organize them while you still have the motivation to do so

and yeah

you use one of the blank notes to start like a lil drawing diary of sorts ???? like just to draw stuff in whenever you’re inspired or you see something pretty

and you definitely saw smth pretty today ;))))))))

hint: ITS MARK

you try to draw him from memory but it doesn’t look quite right and like :(((((( how sad is that what if you don’t even see him again

the rest of the month passes pretty quickly in the same fashion

by now you’ve befriended the bus driver and he tells you all the cool secret nooks and crannies of town for you to go find

he’s also your bff pretty much he always tells you about his daughter and all the cute things she does and you just talk about your life in general and he gives you advice

congrats you’ve unlocked Wise Uncle

he gives you directions to this teeny TINY flower shop where you befriend the old lady who works there by bringing a muffin everytime you go by

she trades you for a seasonal flower and makes a big deal out of tucking it behind your ear herself

basically you find all the cute old people in town and make them your friend because.

THATS CUTE

ADDED BONUS OF LIKE 17 PARENT FIGURES TO GIVE YOU ADVICE

this is accidentally straying into art hoe territory i hope y’all are okay w/ that

school is starting really soon and you’re nervous but also used to this so it doesn’t affect you as bad as normally

also you did meet some people so you aren’t going in with no friends but like, pretty close to no friends

on the first day of school you ride the bus and you see ???? mark ????? on your bus ????????

so you get on and do your daily greeting of the bus driver

his daughter lost her first tooth AW

you fake cry and he says “mood” and you lose it because you’re pushing internet culture onto this unsuspecting middle aged man skdkdkkd

you pat him on the shoulder as you walk back to find a seat but there are none because for some reason the bus is busy this early in the morning ????

you wouldn’t know lmao summer sleep schedule had you up at 10 at the earliest

so you go to stand and hold onto one of the poles in the center

(nearby our boy mark LEE)

mark looks up from his phone

these god damn millennials always on that damn phone

and he sees you and he’s like wHOA what’s up uhhh Soccer Ball Girl

and nice you remembered his name bUT HE DIDNT REMEMBER YOURS

but then he’s like nahhhh just kidding i remember ur name hey y/n !!!

you talk otw to school and find out you’re both seniors at the same school and how you’re excited for sports games and like, GRADUATING

mark keeps trying to offer you his seat but you refuse and he pouts everytime you say no :((((

good god just take the seat look at the sad baby boy :((((((((((((

there is an, occurrence

at one point the bus goes over a bump and you stumble a little and mark reaches up to catch you before you literally fall on him

his hands fly out and grab you by the hips to steady you since he’s sitting and you’re standing and he can’t exactly reach your shoulders sO YEA

or at least that’s his explanation in his head huehuehuehe

his hands linger for MAYBE 10 seconds before he whips them back into his pockets and blushes while you thank him

you: are also blushing

the bus driver: completely did that on purpose

when you get off the bus your Second Dad tells you good luck and pats you on the head and mark is like ???? do you know him

and you’re like yeah that’s my man maurice we’re buds

and he’s like ???? i’ve rode that bus all my life to school and i’m not buds with him wtf :/

“srry you’re not as lovable as me!! jealousy is a disease <3”

and he laughs his dorky laugh

you highkey are smiling so big because this boy is so cute and he’s walking close enough that your shoulders brush every once in a while and he has a silly laugh and AW

as you walk into the school marks group of Boys starts waving him over excitedly and he turns in their direction but then stops when he sees you aren’t following

“hey whatcha doin???”

“well uhhh those are Your Boys you know and i’m, i don’t, really, uh they don’t know me”

“aw cmon they’ll love you!!! look ill just introduce you and if they’re terrible and annoying you can leave”

“........ i gue-“

but he’s already grabbed your hand and is pulling you over to them

“sup fellas this is y/n and she just moved here this year so don’t be too overwhelming.”

the smaller one with the highish voice chimes in

“aww but overwhelming is my only setting”

“then just don’t be yourself, chenle”

“heYYY it’s that girl i almost killed in the park !!! so sorry about that by the way”

he introduces them to you one by one and they all shake your hand

jisung is the one with the big ass yaoi hands and also the one who almost ended your young life

jaemin is the one with pretty smile

jeno is the one with the squishy eyes

renjun is the Art Hoe of the group you can just tell

he’s wearing some got damn overalls you gotta befriend him immediately

donghyuck is the one with beautiful skin and a v high voice you’re highkey like hey but can you dROP THE SKINCARE ROUTINE and he’s like “i just wash my face every day xoxo :*”

you quickly learn who is a piece of shit and who isn’t

you figure out who has classes with you and then set off for the day !!

mark has gym and economics with you but those are after lunch :(((

he squeezes your shoulder before he leaves and says good luck though so you’ll survive

you have art with renjun first and this boy is your bestie already

he’s such a sarcastic shit and he too likes drawing random things and vandalizing school textbooks with artistically correct memes

he also has the AUDACITY

“so, you and mark already ;););)(;);)))”

“i uh don’t know what you mean by that”

“you SO do!!!!! you guys walked into school together everyone probably already thinks you’re a thing”

“oh shit really??? ah i feel so bad”

“is that a bad thing???”

“i mean yeah i’m not tryna Tarnish mark’s reputation”

“that is some self hatred bs he would be lucky to have you !!!!”

“renjun you don’t even know me that well yet”

“i know enOUGH”

you just uhh change the subject which renjun def notices but like

who cares

renjun apparently also goes to the same flower shop as you !!!

you find out because you see him drawing the front of it and you’re like heY i’ve been there my girl edna works there !!!!! she insist i call her grandma tho

and he’s all oh sHIT that’s my girl too !!!!!!

long story short edna is now your shared grandmother

now THAT is some uwu shit

you go about your day and it’s lunchtime and yOU uh don’t know where to sit :(

you see a girl that you met who works at the little coffee shop you like so you set off in her direction and you’re almost there when jeno and jaemin walk up and sling an arm around your shoulder from either side

“hEY BUDDY” -jeno

“SUP SQUIRT” -jaemin

and they start steering you in another direction towards their own table

“god of all nicknames you had to give me sQUIRT”

“yes it’s because you’re cute and small like squirtle”

“that’s a god damn reach if i’ve ever seen one but okay”

you get there and they practically TOSS you into the seat next to mark

he winces and gives you and apologetic pat on the back before starting the conversation

“alright so who actually did the summer reading”

as the table bursts into Absolute Ruckus you just kind of sit back and watch

mark notices you being quiet and while renjun and chenle are arm wrestling he leans over to quietly be like

“hey you doin okay over there? are they too much”

“oh not at all i’m just takin it in lmao”

“yeah that’s understandable. they’re easily the most entertaining group of people you’ll ever meet but also i’ve wanted to strangle every single one of them at least once”

“what are you 30??? you talk about them like you’re their mom”

“i mean someone’s gotta do it”

you and mark talk all throughout lunch and head to gym together since that’s next

exercising right after eating ??? sounds like a GREAT plan thanks so much public school system !!!!

you go to pull out your bag of gym clothes but ??? all you’ve got is shorts ?????

S H I T

you start whining because you’re like aWW i’m gonna get in trouble :(((((

and he’s like here i have like 12 shirts in here because i always bring too many and then leave some when i got soccer practice i gotchu

(he gives you the clean shirt that hasn’t been sitting in his locker <3333 what a guy)

you thank him proFUSELY and then go to the girls locker room to change

the shirt is too big and you don’t wanna look like a Bag so you tie a lil knot in it in the front

you don’t look like a thot tho you just look Cute As Fuck

some girl in the locker room lets you borrow a hair tie and off we go !!!

it’s the first day so everyone literally just stretches and sits around talking

you’ve hashtag LOST mark and you don’t have any friends yet so you’re just chillin talking to the girl who gave you a hair tie because she seems nice and you got nothin better to do

you’re explaining to her how to take care of a succulent /properly/ when mark catches a basketball that was headed right for you yelling a watch it !!!! over his shoulder

he turns to you and giggles a little, nudging your foot with his

“you’re just a danger magnet aren’t you”

“i mean danger is my middle name so”

“uGH get your ass over here away from all those freshman hoodlums who think they can play”

you wave bye to your friend because there’s literal fear in her eyes at the sight of mark ??

you ask her what’s wrong later and she’s like oh it’s not him i just have a crippling fear of boys

(that’s a mood)

you and mark pass a volleyball back and forth and fuck around pretty much all period

this is actually the one (1) sport he isn’t good at thank GOD you were worried he had no flaws

at the end of the class you ask him if he wants his shirt back and he says, and i quote,

“nah you and your thot knot can keep it, looks cuter on you anyways”

you smack his arm for calling you a thot but then thank him anyways for the shirt and for calling you cute :))))))))

econ passes the same way except normal clothing and no sports

although mark does throw a wadded up piece of paper on you that says u want 2 hang w the boys n me after school ? if yes then breathe if no do a backflip

this headass boy

you throw it back so it bounces off his forehead and then nod to confirm you will

you don’t have any of the boys in your last class and you don’t where to meet up so you just kind of loiter by your locker since jeno’s is pretty close to yours and maybe they’ll meet here ????

luckily jisung spots you and is like hey what r u doin here aren’t u hanging with us after school??? cmon

you follow him out to the parking lot where they’re all gathered around jeno and jaemins vehicles because apparently they’re the only ones with actual cars

rip

they start waving too excitedly when they see you and mark smiles all big

wooOOO baby boy already has a crush on you :3

they’ve apparently already decided to go to chenles house because apparently he’s fuckin loaded

you don’t believe that for a sECOND because he’s wearing crocs and an old ass polo shirt but

we’ll see

you mark and renjun ride with jaemin while the Babies ride with jeno since he is able to ignore them being crackheads in the backseat and drive his vehicle without crashing

apparently they’ve cause multiple vehicular accidents ??? possibly the reason renjun doesn’t have a car ???????

who knows

y’all have a blast in jaemins car tho playing tokyo drift from the third fast and furious movie if u haven’t heard that shit plEASE GO LISTEN WHAT A SONG HEHEHHEHHEHE

you pull into this BIG ASS house and you’re like no fucking way dude

and everyone else in the car simultaneously says

“i know right ???”

y’all pull in and go inside and it’s real nice holy SHIT

chenle comes in cackling followed closely be jisung and more sedately by jeno who looks ready to fckin die

you pat him on the shoulder and go you did well, soldier

he salutes solemnly before breaking out into the smile

y’all know the one

you UWU right there on the spot but hold yourself back from poking his cheek and cooing

chenle then SCREECHES and yells

“WHO IS TRYNA PLAY JUST DANCE”

and everyone crowds into his living room

somehow the couch is big enough to fit all of you comfortably that’s fckin impressive

you play just dance for 3 whole ass hours and now you’re Tired and Ready To Go Home

there’s a bus stop nearby and you insist upon walking since jaemin already have you a ride here and you didn’t even have gas money to give him :(((

mark goes to since you have to catch the same bus

you hum as you skip around the sidewalk and he walks behind you smiling fondly while you twirl around

he recognizes the song and whistles along and wow !!!!

Harmony™️

when you get to the stop you’re like 5 mins early

so to entertain yourselves you play rock paper scissors and each time the winner gets to flick the loser on the forehead

mark is a sweet boy so he flicks softly but you go all out

wouldn’t be surprised if he had a bruise tmrw girly u need to chill

you sit on the bus together when it arrives since there’s actually room now and he slumps down low until his head is pretty much rested on your shoulder

(our man maurice sees and is like GET IT GIRL but only so you notice and you make threatening hand motions at him)

you’re not sure if he’s asleep so you stay extra still just in case

and no one needs to know you rested your cheek on top of his head

but when it gets to your stop you’re like mark? mark lee??? mork ???? wake up ??? and you nudge him a little with your shoulder and he sits up and rubs his eyes aW

he slow blinks at you and goes

“hm?”

and you’re like i uh gotta go now

and he’s like :/// okay i’ll see you tomorrow and stands up and gives you a half hug before you go

maurice is DYING in the front you’re going to kill him

you walk home with a smile on your face and again your mom is suspicious of your good mood but you’re like aw it’s nothin just had a good day at school made lots of friends !!!!!!

as summer turns into fall you make more friends but you mostly hang out with the boys because they’re funny and nice to you and also Mark is there and we love our boy

you guys all attend football games together and go absolutely ALL OUT for whatever the theme is

for example: the theme was halloween and you all dressed as god damn SMURFS

it was legendary there was not one bit of you all that wasn’t covered in blue paint

jisung almost fought some girl who thought he was from the movie Avatar until everyone was like jisung cHILL OUT ITS NOT HER FAULT YOURE VERY TALL AND COMPLETELY BLUE

and well

can’t argue with that

it gets chillier though so you all bring blankets and cuddle most of the games

all of the boys suspiciously aren’t cold at first until you and mark share a blanket

they’re so obvious GOD

with each time y’all share you get more relaxed around each other until eventually mark has one arm slung around you and your legs are hooked over one of his thighs while y’all Snuggle

renjun waggles his eyebrows at you every five minutes and you discreetly give him the finger every time

little ASSHOLE

college applications are due like. right now

you all apply to a nice university close by as a backup/safe place and then apply to more brazy places just to see if you can get in

everyone’s been real stressed lately so you’re like !!!!! hey imma throw a friendsgiving party !!! yeehaw !!!!!!!!!

and you invite all of them over

“everyone bring smth and i’ll bake a ham or smth,,, i swear to GOD if all of you show up with store-bought pumpkin pie. i will kill you and then myself”

“what’s with you and pumpkin pie?”

“jUST. don’t”

((((srry i’m projecting my hatred of pumpkin pie onto u reader heheehehheh))))

everyone comes over and it’s really chilly so you have a fire in the fireplace and you have a couple of your gal pals over too

your mom is nice enough to leave y’all alone for the night and she’s not hurt since it’s not real thanksgiving

we stan moms

you bring out the ham and someone has brought green beans and mark ,,,, tHAT ANGEL he brought cornbread stuffing do y’all know what i’m talking abt

OOO THAT STUFF IS GOOD

and there’s sweet potatoes and apple pie and all the Thanksgiving Essentials

jisung wanted to be a dick so he brought cranberry jelly

“why don’t you have some:) cranberry preserves:) , jisung” -you, every 30 seconds

everyone sits down to eat and it’s LOUD so you’re like shut UP !!!!!!!!!!

“every1 say smth ur thankful for :3333”

“my family !!!!”

“you guys <3”

“awW BOOO” - everyone, while throwing things at jaemin

“my life !!”

“that i’m happy”

“gay” -chenle

“minecraft”

anyways no one took it seriously until it got to mark

“i’m grateful y/n moved here :))))))”

everyone goes KSKDDIDI and you blush and you’re like okay ily mark JSKKD

everyone EATS A LOT and then you go sit in a pile in the living room

you go to make hot chocolate for everyone and when you come back it’s , interesting how there’s only room for you next to mark . hm

you pass out the hot chocolate and everyone reaches Maximum Sleepytime

at this point you’re too tired to give a fuck and you just flop onto the couch next to mark and curl up into his side

he puts his arm around you to pull you close and this mf presses a tiny barely there kiss to your temple

you look up and like talk with your eyes

did u just

i did

oh

yeah

and then you just settle back down

it’s too crowded in here for any Moves to be Made

bUT YALL BEST BELIEVE WHEN ALL THESE YOUNGINS GET OUT UR HOUSE

you’ve got the karate kid on bc ??? who doesn’t love the karate kid and all of your cutie friends are asleep in various places

but once it gets super late you start waking people up and going hey i love you but your mom called mine like 8 times you gotta gO

you make sure everyone is awake fully if they’re driving and to text you when they got home safe

at long last

you’re alone

in your house

with mark

actually where is mark

mark has disappeared ?????

you start looking around for him and find him in your room ???

“you snoopin thru my things ??!?!??”

he jumps and is like uHH but you’re like nah you’re fine idc

so he continues and he was really just lookin at what kind of books you have and the little drawings and paintings and knick knacks everywhere

you just sit on your bed and observe him

let’s be real he’s nice to look at and you’d be perfectly fine doing this for uhhh the rest of your life

he pulls a book off your shelf and starts flipping through it until he pauses at a page

and his face blooms into this big smile and he looks hella giddy

and you’re like uhh hey whatcha lookin at there bud

and he just keep smiling and it’s a little smug now wtf

“when were you reading this?”

“oh uh i don’t know i got it this summer at that cute little bookshop”

“was it, by chance, the day we met?”

“i mean maybe??? why ????”

and he shows you the page and it’s tHAT oNE WHERE YOU WERE DOODLING BITS OF HIM AND WRITING HIS NAME ALL OVER IT

FUCK !!!!!!!

you immediately turn tomato red and snatch the book in to hold it tightly to your chest

“uhhh i do that with uhhhh eVerYONE I MEET”

“aw i thought i was special:((((”

he’s creeping closer to you this whole time until he’s INCHES AWAY

he gently pulls the book out of your hands and places it aside before grabbing your wrists and uncrossing your arms

“personally, i think it’s really cute”

you blush even more this man knows what he’s doing

you mumble a thanks with your eyes trained on his fuzzy socks what a dork

he releases one of your wrists to push your chin up so he can look you in the eyes

“do you really do that with everyone you meet?”

“,,,,,,, no it’s just you”

“alright cool”

and then he wraps his arms around your waist to pull you close til you’re pressed together chest to chest AW

he nudges his nose against yours and you close your eyes because your god daMN HEART IS POUNDING AND YOU CANT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THOSE BIG PUPPY EYES

he presses the sweetest and gentlest of kisses to each cheek and then to the top of your nose

he presses one last lingering kiss on your forehead before he tilts his chin down to press your lips together

it’s so soft and innocent wow i’m going to SHED TEARS WRITING THIS

and he pulls away and you press your face into his neck in embarrassment

he chuckles a lil and rubs your back, leaning his cheek against your head

“hey, you down there”

you say “yeah?” but your voice is muffled by his neck and it’s more like eh ???

“my girlfriend y/n will you be ???”

what the fuck

you pull your head back so you can look at his face which is turning steadily redder

“uh what”

“shIT uh i meant will you uh bemygirlfriend”

your confused expression turns into a shit eating grin and you’re like

“what was that :)))) i didn’t hear you :)))))”

he groans and rests his forehead on your shoulder and pitifully whines out

“please be my girlfriend :(((((“

you pick his face up and hold it between your palms and he pouts playfully

“well how could i say no to that face”

and you smooch him right on those lil pouted lips

“yes i’ll be your girlfriend”

he smiles real big and smooshes you against him aw

wow so now you’re mark lee’s gf

LUCKY BITCH

lowkey you get a few threats but as soon as mark catches wind of that he stands on the statue in front of the school and announces that if anyone has a problem with you they’ve got a problem with him !!!!

and he looks like: ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

you drag him down while apologizing to everyone in the general vicinity

mark is. veRY CLINGY NOW

i mean no complaints here it’s just

wow

you’ll be standing at your locker when BAM mark is wrapped around you from behind and you get a hey baby how’s ur day right in your ear

in gym class he restrains himself since the coaches are always like LEE KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF

but he always whines after and is like

:((((( but you look so cute in my shirt i wanna squish you

whenever mark comes over you force him to let you draw him at least once

each time it gets easier since you’ve started to memorize the details of his face and the knuckles of his hands and the shape of his shoulders

a lot of times he just comes over to watch movies and talk

he’s not an eloquent guy

(“you all look like pretty grass :)))” - mark lee)

but he gets what he needs to say out and he enjoys listening to you talk about whatever’s on your mind

you’ve started a glow in the dark star sticker collection to put on your ceiling and each time he comes over you put a constellation up there

so you’ll lay in bed and turn off the lights and just stare at the ceiling and try to name them all

soon you’ll just get sleepy though and press your face into his chest

he uwu’s every time :((((

after he’s done being astonished by his Baby™️ he’ll wrap his arms around you and stroke a hand up and down your spine wow

Real Relaxation Hours

your mom will come home and find y’all asleep and then SHE uwu’s and it’s just one big cute MESS

he loves to kiss you right as he’s leaving like he’ll lay one on you then RUN to the bus stop

p.s. maurice is on y’all every day saying he called it AY

his other favorite kisses are when he catches you off guard and just turns you around and kisses you and you’re like

I’m Confused But I Like This

lots of sweet pecks throughout the day and then longer slower stuff when you’re home and alone and relaxing

leaves hickeys on your neck literally just to be annoying

it’s oKAY THO DONT TELL HIM YOU LIKE IT

months pass and youve said your first “i love you’s” to each other and renjun is always like so when y’all gettin married huh

you both SMACK him simultaneously

but lowkey you would marry mark he’s the best and you love him so wHY NOT

but it’s early and you know that and you’re happy with what you have now :))))))

pls love and support our hardworking baby mark lee he is doing his best and i love him goodnight

[17mounteens]

Long-lasting (Chan)

Request:

hi! can i request a fluffy (even angsty if u want bc im a sucker for happy endings) chan scenario where ur childhood besties w/ chan, n u develop a crush on him that lasts all the way through primary n high school, even tho they actually kinda started drifting apart in high school. he doesnt even know abt the crush!! but they get to college n she thinks hes forgotten all about her, until they see each other again n u can think of the rest~ im just rly soft for best friend + college au's (cont)

» alcohol warning!!!! drink responsibly if you’re old enough 🙏 I hope this is at least something like you expected, and there is a fair share of angstier bits ;; 💕

» If you’re using the tumblr app and can’t see the scenario, which is under a “keep reading”, please try opening the post in your phone’s internet browser (or a computer)! 💕

» 6,006 words

Your first day of kindergarten had left such a deep impression on you that you could still remember it fairly clearly. You had been almost three, and watching your mother leave had made you cry, which wasn’t exactly rare to happen there. You had stayed by the window for a long time, crying and hoping your mother would come pick you up soon, no matter how much the adults tried to kindly tell you that she would come in the afternoon.

The tears only stopped when your shoulder was tapped and you had turned around to see a boy of your age, smiling brightly.

“Come play with me. My mom left, too, but she’ll come back. Come on.”

And that was how you had met Lee Chan, your future best friend.

None of the first mornings at the kindergarten were easy for you, but Chan made them a lot better by playing with you and making it apparent that he wanted to be your friend. Playing with him made you forget about how much you missed your mother, and because you were new and you got along with him, you wanted to be his friend, too.

Both of your parents picked up on your friendship soon, whether it was because you two were always playing together whenever they picked you up or because you talked so much about each other and how you were friends at home. It didn’t take long for you two to have regular play dates, and you also invited each other to your birthday parties, where you were tightly together, too.

Simply put, you became best friends rather soon and stuck side by side throughout kindergarten and preschool, and would do so for many years to come.

Somewhere during preschool, however, you were surprised to have your mother ask you something that would have you think about everything in a new light.

“So, darling… do you like Chan?”

She had been folding the laundry and sounded casual while asking that, and you turned to look at her in surprise, putting aside the simple children’s book you were reading here and there. “He’s my best friend, of course I like him.”

Your mother had turned to look at you meaningfully, a warm smile on her lips. “I meant as more than a friend. We’ve noticed the way you look at him, and we were just wondering…”

“Who’s we?” you asked, focusing on the less important part rather than the fact that apparently you had a specific way in which you looked at Chan. Had he noticed?

“Your father and I, Chan’s mother, the preschool teacher…” your mother hummed and laughed good-humoredly when you hid your face in the nearest pillow and groaned dramatically. Putting the laundry away, she sat next to you on the couch you were lying on and stroked your back. “Honey, it’s fine, crushes come and go. It’s completely fine.”

Yeah, crushes came and went, but yours stuck with you for the next thirteen years.

After that discussion, you began thinking about it more, and realized that you may or may not have had a small crush on Chan. It was all kinds of pure and innocent - you were only six, after all - but you decided already then that you would never let him know about it.

Your friendship was more important than a flimsy crush that would eventually go away.

…

Time passed, and you and Chan were happy to be in the same class when you entered primary school. The teacher soon figured that you two should not sit next to each other unless they wanted to have you chatting throughout every lesson, but neither of you minded too much: you spent the breaks together, anyway.

As you grew older, you and Chan only got closer, although you also had your fights. Sometimes one of you would feel left out; sometimes he’d get upset after you beat him at a game; sometimes one of you just had a bad day, and sometimes there were simply misunderstandings that you solved fast and continued as though nothing had ever happened. None of the small quarrels tore you apart from each other, and instead brought the two of you closer to one another.

Even your crush on him got stronger as time passed, which wasn’t necessarily what you wanted to happen. You thought he was really cute and cool, and loved seeing him dance as he picked up interest in it. Whenever he was sick, you worried about him, and would help him with schoolwork if he wasn’t fully on track. Naturally he was also incredibly kind to you, being a good-hearted boy who thought of you as one of the most important people in his life, and it made you happy. He never left a favor unreturned, and took similar care of you as you did of him.

Still too pure to think too deep into it, you simply enjoyed the hugs you got from him and gave him, as much as they made you feel butterflies yet were simply an act of friendship to him.

It wasn’t until you entered middle school that you realized that especially with your feelings growing stronger, the one-sided nature of them would eventually hurt you: Chan was starting to get interested in people in a romantic way, and when he first whispered to you that he had a crush on someone, your heart jumped to your throat, only to sink back down when Chan told you who it was on. Naturally, you though, it was not on you.

“That’s nice,” you told him, forcing a smile to your face, and held back a deep sigh when the object of his crush walked past the two of you and you had to witness the smitten look on his face.

“It feels so nice,” Chan sighed dreamily, a serene smile on his face, and turned to you with a wide smile. “I hope you find someone you like soon, too.”

“Sure,” you managed to say despite your heart hurting and wanting to tell him that you had already liked him for seven years.

He tilted his head a little at your ingenuine tone and expression, but was soon distracted by the teacher entering the class. “I’ll talk to you again after the lesson.”

You only nodded, sighing when Chan left to his own seat, and looked at your notebook absentmindedly. Now that you knew who he liked, you couldn’t help but pay attention to how much he looked at them, and you could only wish he would look at you with such a warm, adoring gaze.

In all honesty you had known it was bound to happen sooner or later - with how many confessions he had gotten, you thought it impossible for him to not like someone eventually. For the sake of your own heart, you just hoped that he wouldn’t start dating before you got over your silly little crush.

You got your share of confessions, too, and after turning down one, you had Chan running to you. You were in ninth grade, practically counting days until the summer holidays, after which you’d enter high school.

“Why did you turn him down? He really likes you, and he’s not too bad, either, is he?” he asked, genuinely curious, and got his arm around your shoulders, which made your heart flutter.

“It’s too early to start dating,” you mumbled, avoiding Chan’s gaze, and sighed. “And besides, I like someone else.”

“He must be a lucky guy,” Chan smiled widely and squeezed your shoulder lightly. “You need to tell me who he is sometime.”

“We’ll see,” you said with a small smile, although your heart felt heavy. Even after all those years, you still weren’t ready to tell him - not when you had regular sleepovers and knew practically all of each other’s secrets. It was all too precious to be ruined: by the age of fifteen, you had some knowledge on the possible outcomes of confessing to your friend, and you didn’t want to take chances.

By the time you finally entered high school, you were officially smitten for Chan. Your cheeks would heat up in his presence a lot, and you were getting more and more conscious over the fact that he was attractive and that you really wanted to kiss him.

He had yet to notice anything, and by then you were in too deep to say anything about your crush, either, and instead swallowed any and all bitter feelings inside of you when he found a girl he liked, then loved, and eventually started dating.

Up until then you had been inseparably close, and even when he started dating the girl, you remained fairly close, although you could also feel him growing more distant as he began spending more time with her and less with you, which you also partially blamed on yourself. With the bitter emotions storming inside of you, there had been a few occasions where you had let jealousy have the best of you and had given him a bit of a cold shoulder, which you regretted.

It all lasted for a few months, during which you had gotten closer with your friends in one of the after school clubs you took part in, until one afternoon you saw Chan waiting at the door of the classroom your club was in. Frowning, you grabbed your bag and walked to the door.

“What’s up?” you asked in concern as the two of you began walking home, and Chan remained oddly quiet.

“She broke up with me,” he then said, his eyes aimed at the ground. Your heart dropped at the sight and knowledge, and you pouted a little as Chan sighed, a small, sad smile on his face.

“You’ll be fine,” you said and got your arm around his shoulders, holding him close to you. “You’re so sweet and kind and so cool when you dance; I’m sure there’ll be someone else.”

Sighing, Chan nodded. “I hope you’re right.”

For a few months you got closer again as you helped him mend his broken heart, but eventually, especially during the second year of high school, the two of you began truly drifting apart.

Chan got more active in the dance club, which took a lot of his time, as well as got much closer to the people in it. Adding a new girlfriend to that, there wasn’t too much time for you, although both of you tried to stay close for as long as you could. However, once you started spending more and more time with your other friends, too, it started to feel natural to talk less and less.

For some time you two would still text regularly and talk at school every now and then, but gradually throughout the school year, the two of you went from best friends to near strangers. You were in different classes for your last year of high school, and hardly talked at all during it.

By the summer you hardly even greeted each other, and it tore your heart apart just as much as it did to see him kiss his girlfriend at your graduation with the brightest smile on his face.

Your parents had also taken note of him not coming over, as opposed to him coming over at least once a week for whatever reason, and you had told them with a pained expression that you two weren’t talking anymore.

That summer, both your parents and friends made sure you had a great time, and you found yourself hardly even thinking about Chan with all the trips you went on and great things you did with your friends.

You could only hope college would be good to you, too.

…

Unfortunately you were painfully aware about the fact that Chan would be going to the same college as you, but you found solace in thinking that he’d probably have forgotten about you, as well as the fact that the college had so many students that bumping into him out of all people seemed unlikely.

Once you had first gotten to campus, you got settled in your room, which you were fortunate enough to share with someone you clicked with fairly well, and sighed as you looked out of your window. Your roommate tilted their head.

“Something on your mind?” they asked and got their counterpane out of one of their boxes so that they could put it on their bed.

You pouted a little and turned to look at your roommate. “Just… it’s not too likely to meet someone from your past when there’s so many of us here, right?”

They raised their eyebrows before shrugging with a small smile. “I want to say it isn’t, but the universe has twisted ways.”

“That’s true,” you sighed, slumping your shoulders as you sat down on your bed. “I just want to have a peaceful freshman year.”

Your roommate snorted, at which you pouted.

“Good luck with that.”

Not much later, you were called out for the beginning of orientation, and you decided to stick together at first, although you both had some of your friends from high school join you rather soon. There were a few quicker informative lectures about the college, how it worked and so on, and a few hours later you were more than ready to retreat back to your room with some pamphlets and flyers in your arms.

“Is there still something?” you asked with a sigh, and one of your high school friends hummed as they looked at the timetable.

“A lecture on student services, I think,” they said, and you held back a groan.

Before you were able to say anything else, you heard your name be called.

“Y/N?”

Chills ran down your spine as your feet stopped moving, and your friends turned to look at you in surprise. Slowly, you turned to look at the direction where the familiar voice came from, although it was lower than you remembered.

And there he was: Lee Chan, looking confused and wearing a pair of round glasses that made him all the more adorable.

“Chan..?” you asked with a tilt of your head, frowning, and felt your heart jump to your throat when he melted into a wide smile that left no room for misunderstanding: it was Chan. Turning to your friends, you smiled a little. “I’ll come soon. Save me a seat, okay?”

With that, you walked to Chan, all kinds of emotions storming inside of you: disappointment over how things had gone between the two of you, surprise to see him on the very first day of orientation, happiness over seeing him after a long time, and… something warm in your chest over how lovely his smile still was.

“I saw you were going to enroll here, but I didn’t expect to see you, at least so soon,” Chan said brightly, and you nodded with a small, awkward smile on your face.

“Me neither,” you noted and took a deep breath. “So… how are you and Minkyung?”

His face fell momentarily, but the smile reappeared on his face soon. “Ah, we broke up over the summer. It wasn’t working.”

“I see,” you nodded, trying to ignore the way your heart seemed to flutter with some dumb hope.

“What about you? Anything new?” Chan inquired, and you wished you had something interesting to tell him, such as having a hot boyfriend or having done something cool over the summer or just anything.

And yet. “Nothing, really. Same old, same old.”

Chan smiled at you. “Well, now that we’re in college I’m sure there’ll be something. And also… do you want to catch up sometime? Like, properly, over coffee or something?”

“Uh, sure,” you said, slightly dumbfounded as to where it was all coming from, and got a bright smile from him.

“I think we need to go now, but I’ll message you about it later,” he stated and you could only nod as you then began walking to the auditorium your next lecture would be in. Chan stole glances at you, worrying his lower lip between his teeth; he was next to his childhood friend who was once his best friend, yet you now felt like a stranger, and he blamed it on himself. “So… did you have a nice summer?”

“I did, actually,” you said, your smile becoming more genuine and happy as you recalled all the great memories you had made during the few months you had had free. “I travelled quite a bit, and just… did a lot of things, you know.”

“I think I saw some of the photos, yeah,” Chan hummed and gave you a warm smile. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

“I hope you did, too,” you said right when you reached the auditorium door, which was where you parted your ways as Chan left to look for people he knew and you located your friends, too.

Your roommate nudged you as soon as you had sat down next to them. “Was that the someone from the past?”

“Yeah,” you whispered, trying to calm down your rapidly beating heart.

“Is he your ex or something?” they asked, and you nearly choked on your spit.

“God, no. We… used to be best friends and I used to like him for a long time, it’s a long story,” you mumbled and let out a deep sigh. Your roommate nodded in understanding, and before the person at the very front of the auditorium began talking, told you that they’d be willing to listen if you ever wanted to talk about it.

A few hours later you were finally back to your room, and upon checking your phone, noticed a message from Chan where he asked you if you wanted to grab coffee the next day. Although skeptical, you found yourself agreeing, and so the next day you made your way to one of the cafés on campus, spotting Chan by the door of it.

“Good to see you,” he smiled when he spotted you, and you smiled once you finally reached him.

“Yeah,” you said with a nod, and without further ado suggested that you enter the café.

The two of you looked at the menu carefully, and Chan asked you what you were getting. When you answered, he chuckled and looked at you brightly. “Some things don’t change. I remember you getting that pretty much all the time.”

“Why change the order when you’ve found something you like,” you said with a soft chuckle, and Chan agreed. Much to your amusement he ordered his old favorite, too, and soon you were both seated by one of the window tables.

Meeting up with him was just as awkward as you had feared it would be, yet also oddly comfortable. While you hadn’t talked in almost a year, it felt like hardly any time had passed since you last spoke. It was weird and it made you both happy and sad, knowing that you had missed almost a year of time with him.

Almost a year without your best friend.

You caught up pretty extensively and talked about your shared memories, all of which made you feel nostalgic, and for a moment it felt like you were with the 3-year-old you had once become friends with - only, you were both 16 years older.

A few hours later, the two of you walked back to your dorms, talking cheerfully as you did so. When you reached your dorm, Chan turned to you.

“I know I kinda… blew it in high school, but would you like to start seeing more again?” he asked, seemingly hopeful yet nervous about your reply. The next words he practically blurted out. “I really miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” you mumbled, hardly able to keep a pout off your face, and without thinking about it too much - thinking about your feelings too much - you nodded. “I think it’d be nice to reconnect.”

Even if it meant awakening the warm feelings that were already starting to arise in your chest whenever you saw him smile.

“Great,” Chan grinned at you, and gave you a friendly hug. “Well, I’ll see you around, then.”

“Yeah, see you,” you smiled and watched him leave as he continued walking down the road until he reached his dorm. Sighing, you entered yours and made your way to your room, thinking about the decision you had just made.

All you could do was hope you wouldn’t regret it.

After that you and Chan saw each other regularly, regaining the close friendship you once shared, little by little. You were a bit worried to realize that with that, all the adoration and love you felt for him were brought back, too, but you didn’t know how to stop it, and finding someone else didn’t feel right, either, as much as your roommate promised to work as some sort of a matchmaker for you.

No, you’d figure it out yourself eventually.

Time passed, and towards the end of the first semester you and Chan were more or less best friends again, although you were still trying to mend what had been lost and broken between the two of you. You spent a lot of time together and supported each other during whatever slumps occurred, and also went to most of the events and parties together, sometimes with one or two other friends, too.

It made you smile how you got to see him in such new situations: falling asleep on his book in the library, witnessing him dancing wildly at a party after one too many drinks, sneaking him to your dorm room after he had gotten locked out of his own for a reason you weren’t sure you even wanted to know… you treasured every bit of it, and Chan felt the same way about you.

Shortly put, you were both more than happy to be back in each other’s lives.

As the spring semester came near, Chan invited you to yet another party, which felt particularly tempting due to how annoyingly strong your crush on him was getting once again. Sleeping had gotten difficult because you thought about him so much, and you found yourself thinking about him more and more, too, and not completely platonically, either. With how much you wanted to do all kinds of romantic things with him and have him treasure you, you concluded that you were in need of a drink and letting loose; you were in need of forgetting, if only for one night.

As per usual, the two of you went to the party together, and Chan raised his eyebrows when you went directly to the drinks.

“Planning to get wasted today?” he asked jokingly when you poured a drink for yourself, and you nodded determinedly once you raised the cup to your lips.

“Damn straight,” you said with a smile, not in the least correcting Chan when he assumed that the reason lied in the nearing new semester, which only knew stress, deadlines and lacking sleep.

“Good thing you have me taking care of you,” he chuckled and got himself a drink, too and you agreed with him.

Much to your joy the party was incredibly pleasant. You had a good time and were actually able to forget about your feelings for Chan for a moment, and you found out that the party wasn’t too bad even when you were separated from him for a while. You talked with people you hadn’t spoken with before, danced a little and all that, all the while Chan talked with some people, too, while making sure you were okay and not getting into any kind of trouble.

Some hours into the party, Chan blinked in surprise when you suddenly got your arm around his shoulders and leaned against him, your breath smelling faintly of the alcohol you still had in your cup as well as in your body. A smile spread to his lips, and he got his arm around you, too, providing you support. “What’s up?”

“I have to tell you something,” you began with a giggle that he could tell was more hollow than it was meant to be. He raised his eyebrows, and you grinned at him, although it didn’t reach your eyes. “It’s a funny story, really.”

“What is it?” he asked, one of his eyebrows quirked, completely unaware of what you were about to say.

You let out a deep sigh, your face falling a little at that. “I used to have a huge crush on you for a loooong time, you know?”

Chan’s eyes widened and his lips parted in surprise, and he was unable to say anything as his heart jumped to his throat.

“You never noticed it… Maybe I hid it so well? It was funny, honestly… Being your best friend when I just really… loved you,” you said, your words sounding a bit messy, and Chan listened intently, his expression darkening a little when you went on. “All the girls you dated… your broken heart that I had to help you heal…”

“Y/N, stop,” Chan managed to say at last and pulled you a bit closer to him so that he could hug you with one arm. You sighed again, closing your eyes and leaning into him, hardly remembering the cup in your hand.

“You’ve still got such a warm hug,” you sighed, breathing in his scent, and there was something in the situation added to the alcohol in your blood that made you emotional. Sniffling, you took a hold of the back of Chan’s sweater. “...I want to go home.”

As much as he was enjoying the party, his heart was hurting seeing you like that, especially after hearing what you had said, so he nodded without hesitation. “Let’s go.”

Chan walked you to your dorm room and made sure you got to bed well, but when he was about to leave, you took his hand into yours.

“Don’t leave me again,” you mumbled, your eyes already closed, and Chan pouted a little, rubbing the back of your hand gently.

“Do you want me to stay over?” he asked, and you let out a noise he could only take as a positive answer, especially when it was joined with a nod from you.

You let go of his hand and got into a comfortable position under your blanket, and soon you had him lying down next to you, keeping a safe space between the two of you. Chan sighed as he looked at you, a put on his face, and stroked your arm slowly through the blanket you had over yourself.

“I’ve made you go through a lot, haven’t I?” he asked rhetorically, his voice small, and smiled a little with a sad hint to it. “I’ll try to make up for it. I’m sorry.”

The next morning you, much to your own surprise, woke up with Chan by your side. You frowned, trying to remember what had happened the previous night, but it was all so blurry and the headache was killing you, so all you could do was hope you hadn’t said or done anything dumb, although being in your own bed fully clothed gave you a lot of hope.

Somewhat able to scramble over Chan, you got out of bed and into the bathroom, taking note of the empty bed of your roommate’s on the way. Figuring that they’d gotten some other place to sleep at the night before, you instead focused on how the night had been for you while brushing your teeth and washing your face.

Clearly you had been with Chan the whole evening, which wasn’t much of a surprise since you were close again, but besides that it all was a blur. Only your gut feeling told you that there was a good reason for him to have slept next to you.

Even after you had freshened up a little, you remained seated on your toilet, trying to will your body to feel less nauseous while also avoiding having to talk with Chan, who you hoped was still sleeping.

Your hopes turned into dust when you could hear a knock on the bathroom door, followed by a low, groggy voice. “Y/N, are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, just give me a second,” you rushed to answer, and you hated the way your heart was hammering in your chest. As if you weren’t feeling bad enough already.

“Okay,” Chan replied, after which you figured he left the door.

Sighing, you massaged your temples. Whether it was the hangover or just a general arising of old emotions, you suddenly felt as much like a mess as you had in high school when you were trying to deal with the unrequited feelings you held for the boy that was now sitting on your bed.

“I’m stronger now,” you mumbled to yourself and finally stood up and got out of the bathroom, building up your courage so that you could look at Chan and actually talk with him.

He smiled up at you, his hair a bit of a mess. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” you mumbled with a small smile, too, and leaned against the wall next to the bathroom door. Clearing your throat, you began fiddling with the hem of the shirt you were wearing. “So… what happened last night?”

You could see Chan’s expression change for a moment before he sighed and gave you a soft yet sad smile. “You kind of… opened up, I guess.”

Feeling your eyes widen, you then winced and covered your face with your hand. “About..?”

Chan pouted and stood up so that he could walk to you. “About you, me, us… I had no idea you liked me.”

Your heart felt like it could’ve burst out of anxiety, and breathing felt challenging, too. Chan looked at you in concern and slowly placed his hands on your shoulders, only pulling you into a hug when you didn’t show a sign of not wanting it.

“It’s really nothing,” you mumbled, clinging onto Chan as you hid your face in his shoulder. Tears were stinging in your eyes, and a part of you hated just how comforting his hug was, even as you braced yourself for yet another rejection, this time a direct one.

“It’s not nothing,” Chan said, audibly pouting, and stroked your back soothingly. “I could tell you’ve been hurting, you know. And I’m sorry. For that, and for letting us drift apart, and…”

“It takes two to drift apart,” you reminded him with a sniffle, and got a quiet hum from him.

“I guess. I just… I never wanted to hurt you,” he whispered, holding you close as he sighed. “I’m sorry for being blind.”

Holding the back of his sweater in your fists, you shook your head. “It’s fine, I was doing my best to hide it anyway… I played myself.”

“I didn’t mean that,” Chan said quietly, and you slowly lifted your face, looking at him with a small frown, your eyes glistening with tears. He gave you a small, sad smile and dried some of the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs. “I’ve been blind to my own feelings.”

Unable to say anything, all you could do was stare into his eyes as you tried to figure out if he was saying what you thought he was saying, and you could hear your heartbeat.

Melting into a wide smile, Chan caressed your cheeks. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently, Y/N, and I think I…”

“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it,” you whispered, your eyes watering with fresh tears, and Chan shook his head, his eyes glistening a little, too.

“...like you. I like you.”

His voice was so steady and his gaze was so warm that your knees nearly gave in, and you weren’t sure if you still believed your ears.

Lee Chan, who you had liked since preschool, liked you?

A smile spread to your lips as you sniffled and placed your hands on top of his on your cheeks. “Really? Even though I’m… me? Despite all the unflattering situations you’ve seen me in?”

“Because you’re you,” Chan laughed, the grin on his face widening at your latter remark. “Besides, most of those unflattering situations were in kindergarten.”

“My point exactly,” you choked out and let out a quiet laugh. “We’ve known each other for so long, it’s crazy.”

“Maybe that’s why I’m crazy about you,” Chan blurted out and blushed a little. “I mean--”

“Smooth,” you smiled at him, and Chan held back a groan before looking into your eyes shyly, lowering his hands from your cheeks and taking your hands into his.

“How do you feel about me now, though?” he asked quietly, biting on his lower lip as he waited for your reply.

“Right now you’re not helping my hangover, but,” you began, taking a break as you grinned widely, “I still like you, you dummy.”

Chan let out a sigh of relief and hugged you tightly, only to pull back soon afterwards. “You’re hungover?”

“Yep,” you nodded with a meek smile, and got a chuckle from Chan.

“Get in bed, I’ll go grab us something to eat and be right back.”

You did just that and watched him curiously as he put his jacket on and turned to look at you with a bright smile on his face before leaving your room.

There was comfort in the knowledge that he would be back, and once he did return, the two of you ate eagerly, after which you talked a little about how you felt about each other and how you would continue.

Little by little your relationship grew more romantic in nature - neither of you rushed anything, and instead let it all happen naturally as days passed. You’d start holding hands, hug more, cuddle…

And, a few weeks later, you shared your first kiss, which was everything yet nothing like you had imagined, but only in a good way.

You had been on your bed, you with one of your coursebooks on your lap and Chan was playing a video game on his portable console, and after finishing another stage, he had turned to you, about to ask something. You had turned to him at the same time, and your lips brushed against each other’s, which made your eyes widen.

Melting into a smile, you had then placed your hand on his leg and given him a proper kiss, to which he replied with a similar wide, happy smile, cupping your cheek with his hand.

Slowly, you pulled back, the brightest smile on your face. “So, what were you about to say?”

“I forgot,” Chan snorted, and you gave him a gentle nudge, at which he laughed.

Whatever he was about to ask you never came back to him, but instead you shared a few more light kisses before attempting to focus on what you were doing again, which proved out to be impossible to the point where you ushered Chan out of your room, laughing.

“I’ll leave with one condition,” he said with a laugh when he was standing in the hallway and you were by your door.

Quirking your eyebrow knowingly, you grinned. “One more kiss?”

“Exactly,” Chan smiled and pulled you in for a kiss that nearly had you melting and reconsidering your decision to study rather than spend time with him - only the importance of the course helped you remain strong.

Meanwhile, Chan left with a grin on his face, and once you returned to your bed, you were met with two messages showing on your phone screen.

14:02 I could tell you wanted me to stay. Study well, I won’t kiss you again unless your exam goes well! 14:03 ...We both know that’s a lie, but I still want you to do well! I love you 💕

Admin Scooter

[galimatios]

sci-fi au again but it’s some bastardized blame au feat. my twins

thinking about a bastardized blame au that borrows the setting of blame but with some minor differences, aka humans weren't dead for as long and silicon lifeforms are part of a disease that turns pure humans into half synthetic life, aka go feral go crazy some retain intellect tho, and pure silicon creatures are fully sentient and intelligent but im thinking of a society in which android labor was widespread, but bc humans were wiped by silicon corruption, there's huge populations of androids w/o purpose humans do still exist but they're not pure, most of them have varying levels of silicon corruption as well as varying resistances. it does grant these humans superhuman strength or healing though i kind of. wanna put rey and ray as twins in this au as bounty hunters aka humans who hunt down corrupted humans who've gone too far... but they also do odd delivery jobs and stuff likelihood is that they've been alive for Way longer than humans should be due to their own corruption they remember what life was like before things went to shit ray owned a restaurant and rey owned the bar on top of it as siblings they went thru hell together and back and this was their dream and. well. then shit changed but also aesthetic bc: rey with short hair, tank top, sci-fi ass gear and army boots she's also the Slightly Older twin and holds this to ray all the time they argue. Nonstop. sometimes they cant stand eachother bc dumbasses both have strong aggressive personalities but (and ive been thinking abt rey w a sibling for a while) at the end of the day they trust eachother bc they both had the same shitty mom and survived. they can do anything, they're Them? but the scourge... well. they're always upbeat. they have eachother after all, but sometimes when they're alone, ray gets nostalgic. a little wistful, a little sad "it was nice while it lasted, huh? not even a full ass decade, and everything came tumbling down." legs hanging off a ledge, the smell of cigarette smoke "wonder how dom's doing." rey doesn't want to talk about her. she steals the cig from his mouth and puts it out. "that shit ain't good for you." "the fuck? you smoke too you know." but rey's already leaving. neither of them know if dom survived. ray lost a best friend, rey lost a lover it's been two hundred years, maybe more. if she hadn't shown up, dead or alive, she's probably gone but the thing is, the megastructure is huge. so vastly huge and confusing, anything can happen. ray thinks one day she'll show up. dom is tough. she's out there somewhere. (END PROSE) also i just love the idea of rey being a heavy firearm user and she just has a huge laser cannon strapped to her back at all times ray thinks weird flex but ok he probably uses a device that resembles some sci-fi spear/rapier thing but it channels electricity so on his command he can roast shit and also override / destroy power structures as needed. both of them have mechanical skills, can hotwire stuff, they're too dumb for hacking so they usually just try to physically brute force shit (aka... hitting it until it works) ray... leather jacket and gloves. NOTED THO: organic materials are really rare and are either salvaged or synthetically created instead. so this is like fake ass bioengineered leather from one of the few bastions of semi-human life, a big city within the megastructure that's where rey and ray live... they actually do want to start a restaurant again but. i think they've sworn off it until they find out what happened to dom, bc she's the only person they've ever trusted with their dream so until then, bounty work ok wow i kind of love ray w a fucking. black electric rapier spike thing + black gloves and black jacket, leather fucking pants, DANGER BOY!!! then rey loves firearms but sometimes she JUST PUNCHES SHIT. SHE'S STRONG!!! fingerless gloves for the girl. cries I love my redheads

KEITH PROBABLY. WOULD BE A TRAINEE BOUNTY HUNTER/SCOUT AND PROBABLY HAS A MASSIVE CRUSH ON RAY LMFAO. ray is like lmfao (puts hand on head) u are So Short keith: kkkdjdjsjhdhdhfnfbfbfjgjfjfj rey voice god you have bad taste keith follows ray around like a puppy who wants to be helpful and ray doesnt particularly mind as long as he doesnt get in the way. but its like. this video (youtu.be/TJAqwSmbKJc)

SORRY KEITH HE LIKES HUNKS AND TWUNKS BUT UR TWINKISH TWUNK AT BEST but ray has a soft spot for him once keith proves he's actually super capable at his job puppy gets head pats god i wanna stick all my ocs in this au now jonah would be s service android who used to work for a family he really cherished but they were wiped out. so now he just. kind of drifts. AI technology is self learning so i believe at this point androids have largely gained sentience and semihumans treat them like one of them alister.... heh. fuck. i really want him to be an antagonist actually but a kind of misunderstood one. he's definitely the root of everything. he is probably the progenitor of the scourge and is a human mind implanted into a fully silicon body. who KNOWS how old he is in actuality he was a sick, dying child whose experimental treatment went horribly wrong but this silicon body is stronger, faster, better. he feels no pain anymore. he can walk and run. but he's also immortal. and he can't be with humans bc contact with him is toxic humans with weak resistances died immediately once the plague started. so all the humans left are those who resisted full corruption they went after the source of the plague, intending to kill to stop its spread but even when they did get to alister, they couldnt kill him and boy they tried! took him into labs and did horrible things! some succumbed to the plague from overexposure to him but nothing seemed to stop Alister decided he had enough, killed everyone in a haze, left, then decided to make silicon lifeforms he was lonely! all of them are precious to him and every time a hunter kills one, he mourns semihumans who become fully or mostly corrupted he considers part of his family too GOD I COULD MAKE AND PORT SO MANY OCS cade is about 60-70% corrupted. he's definitely in alister's ranks i gotta think tho bc i do want one pure human with the net terminal gene. probably hidden somewhere in one of those cryosomething freeze tanks idk if i have an oc pure enough to fit the role i gotta check my roster TO EXPLAIN THIS. you need the gene to access the netsphere the netsphere is like an evolved form of the internet that's sort of like heaven and also controls some things in base reality, like the robots that are in charge of automated construction of new structures- these have gone haywire which led to uncontrolled growth this is just canon material but my addition is that once alister went full silicon, he also unintentionally became connected to the netsphere without any real authority to do anything, but the system still detected a breach and it locked Everyone out after alister infected them originally only those of pure genetic pedigrees possessed the net gene haha i love caste systems but now they're all fucking Dead. i imagine life wasn't GREAT before the scourge but it was better than a semi-post-post scarcity environment where some places are uninhabitable so you have silicon life out hunting humans to protect alister, or just for territory, and security systems that have been tripped and now safeguards are running around killing everything that moves safeguards are like antivirus programs but like. in base reality

GOD ALISTER GROWN UP BUT LIKE EVIL AESTHETIC. ALL BLACK EVERYTHING. he definitely has morphing skills, he can connect himself to technology and easily control it bc hes not organic, innocent boy is now twisted and sitting on his throne of black, corrupted human bones truthfully though alister just... wants to successfully turn more humans into silicon so he can make friends and be happy it's sad that they don't usually survive. hundreds of years of loneliness dulled his moral compass the silicon close to him feel like they're not enough they are hideous but fully sentient and intelligent with the same emotions as humans but ig to alister it's not the same. he still loves them but. he truly was human in the past in the end silicon can't truly replace flesh alex... is a high level safeguard with sentience unlike the low level automated ones that attack everything fuck ALEX OF ALL MY OCS TAKES THE PLACE OF KILLY IN CANON THE FUCK he'd probably operate differently tho. way more compassion

"once i find the net terminal gene, most likely the system will begin to purge all impurities. any and all corrupted will likely die. ... but i see no reason to shorten the life of a man already dead." this includes the humans with resistances. people like rey, ray, keith all resistant humans are <50% corrupted. they cannot be allowed to live bc there is a chance exposure to toxic materials or alister will continue the process but i think alex would change his mind and try to find a way to cure it using the net terminal gene he makes friends with the bounty hunting group, aka keith and the twins... and eventually they will find dom and. oh god what if dom is 80+ percent corrupted what if they have to put her down I AM MAKING MYSELF UPSET

BUT FUCK IT WPULD BE A GOOD CATALYST FOR ALEX TO CHANGE HIS MIND ABOUT LETTING ALL THE CORRUPTED DIE AHHHHH also alex in an all black suit with a little cyan neck ribbon I LOVE MY OCS SORRY I ALSO LOVE BLAME AND SCIFI FUCK ME UP anyway i think im done for now but ughghfjgh im thinking about this for days

[brady-personal]

1-10 reflections

these posts are so funny to read in hindsight. i want to respond to the previous posts, as if i’m answering questions from the future. which i suppose i am.

1

there’s a lot of pain in this post, likely because this was the year i really started forcing myself to analyze my sexuality. 

i still find it so fascinating how clear it was to me. while i might argue i still don’t understand my sexuality (and likely never will), there was no period where i really thought i was straight, at least once i hit the age of fifteen, three years before this post. i remember getting off to porn, watching the guy, falling in love with his grunts and his machismo, wanting nothing more than to be held by him and be looked at like how he was looking at the girl. like a meal ready to be devoured. but there was nothing i was ready to do at that time, so i told myself to “wait until i was in college to figure it out” and consequently wasting a ton of time in high school

although i suppose we never truly “waste time” as sometimes things aren’t ready to happen and we have little control over that

i think this is about allison. i’m unsure (and maybe a later post would clarify this), but this beautiful theater girl was interested in me, and i think, if anything, this was a confusing confidence booster for me. this was the first year where multiple people were pining for me, mostly bc i exuded asexuality (bc of my confused sexuality) and this was when i became a little flirty, a characteristic i hold to this day. 

this is evident from my reaction to people online thinking i’m cute. now, i know i am attractive, but that also comes from me growing out of an awkward stage and developing a style of my own, something very few high school seniors have. but there is so much hatred in these words, looking at how shocked i was that people could be attracted to me. 

i started learning that i could be a sexual creature, but was not ready to actualize that and feel whole about it. something i still struggle with to this day.

tbh, this is pretty self aware though. i’ve always been pretty self aware, maybe because i have generalized anxiety and look at every angle of every situation. i want to understand the full picture. either way, reading

“but i have interest in being with this girl and i can’t tell if it is because she’s so interested in me or because it is truly what i want“

is remarkable, because i was right. while i was a little sexually curious, i think it was more that she liked me and that felt good. 

this is an exciting post, because i had SO much in the future i had no idea about that would provide some clarity. but wow, the confusion is real

2

little did i know how marijuana would fuck up my mental health. i’m happy i didn’t have a joint in this post, and it’s funny to see how drinking black tea made me feel “so zen” when i struggle to feel that way now without weed.

i remember so much about the timing of this post--this is right when i met lincoln, the first boy who ever expressed interest in me (that i was aware of). he was from tumblr. not sure if i discuss this later, but we eventually met. 

i remember being locked in my house bc it was so cold outside, and spending so much time talking to this boy online to pass the time.

also, no one is reading this blog as it is password protected, so i’m unsure who i thought i was talking to in the last paragraph. but here’s where the ego started :)

5

ok brady you do this to people all the time. sometimes people just don’t want to talk!

like i get so annoyed at people expecting my attention all the time, especially with how connected we’re forced to be with the internet. if i could go back i’d tell brady to chill out and stop personalizing everything bc, while i don’t remember the exact context of this post, it’s very likely that someone is just sleepy and doesn’t want to keep up a conversation

but also lol this is kind of cute

7

i’m so curious who this is about??? 

to my understanding, i came out to ria first in the sonic parking lot and then came out to sonia in her living room. but i wouldn’t describe either of them as “not one of my best friends but someone i love very much.” i really don’t know who this is about........!!! gonna keep thinking about it

but i think what i was feeling was acceptance, and that’s a beautiful thing.

omg i remember lincoln answering those questions. in hindsight, it’s so perfectly timed that i cannot believe that just serendipitously happened. that boy totally asked himself those questions and hoped i would see it. i cannot believe that worked HAHA (of course i could be wrong but i’ll never know so it doesn’t really matter)

lol @ “this is all happening really fast” like for seventeen year old brady probably but in reality nothing had really happened. but i miss this romantic excitement--i rarely feel this anymore

also i didn’t end up taking ap macro so CRISIS AVERTED

“happy someone of each gender likes me” (no probably about it) shows i was kind of just ego tripping here, collecting these experiences to choose what path to take, ultimately taking neither really. but that all comes out later :)

8

i don’t remember him meaning that much to me. but this is kind of nice to read. i never had that experience of waiting by my phone for texts, which should have said something about my feelings for him versus the girls.

“see him and kiss him” aw that’s so cute

“or if he’s just a horny guy” is where this all began, putting criticism towards that horniness as if it’s a bad thing, thinking it’s bad that a guy could maybe just wanna fuck me and that being a bad thing. but we have so many types of human connections, and sometimes all we’re meant to do with someone is fuck. not that i would know..........

9

ROSENDO! ugh this was one of the best nights of my high school life. it was easter i remember, and i felt so unholy and that was exciting to me

feeling like a “bad boy”

(i’m going to read this in five more years and cringe at that term but i guess i mean it tongue in cheek. not “bad boy” like jesse katsopolis but allowing myself to do things that are pleasure focused)

an older mexican man. seemed like perfection, right? to think that i thought of him as so mature, when i’m now almost 23 and he was only 20! i can’t believe rosendo was only 20. wow. such a baby, and the fact that i thought of him as such an expert in this world. sure, he was more experienced than i was at 20, but he was such a baby. i remember him turning 21 and thinking it was so crazy that he could buy us alcohol.

he was a really good kisser

10 

there’s a lot to unpack with this one

kyle was incredible, unfortunately he moved and i was kind of a dick about it and he cut me out and hasn’t talked to me since. i think we texted once about a year ago but he has pretty actively tried to get some distance. he lives in LA now and is super into video games. his mental health is still not great i think. i wonder about him sometimes and i hope he’s doing well-- he really was a sweetheart.

i didn’t get into UROP

and that friend group was super dangerous for me, so learning that it’s ok that they didn’t want to hang out with me was super substantial. cutting the cord was great. now sean lives in vancouver and i’ve tried relentlessly to see him but alas he’s distant and hard to reach. even my own mother told me to stop caring about him haha. so i guess mom knows best, as usual

and, to this day, flamboyant men still make me uncomfortable, even though i am one of the now. mostly because they are so confident and sure of themselves, and i am not. i look it though, and i know many people would be surprised to hear me say that i am anything but confident. but it’s a facade we all put on one way or another, and one day i hope to be one of those flamboyant out-and-proud gay men who i secretly looked up to, even five years ago