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#old grief with bandages merely pilled up over festering wounds
impossible-rat-babies
·
11 months
Text
I just. love the funny intersection eyrie has between DRK and WAR it just tickles my fancy
#it tickles my fancy in an angsty way
#it’s like. there was plenty of grief there after haurchefant in HW until their head started getting ideas about deeper pains
#old grief with bandages merely pilled up over festering wounds
#and they couldn’t deal with it. they weren’t ready to face it
#they would have nightmares about the daughter they lost and her asking them these difficult question
#and they had no answers. no way of making it make sense. it tormented them
#and it all just turned to anger and frustration. what could they do to satisfy their guilt? their grief?
#they had no words. it was just rage rage rage
#rage enough to drown out fray. rage enough to hopefully drown out the ghost of their daughter
#rage enough to drown out the guilt of losing papalymo and the knotted tangle surrounding Ilberd
#it’s so much of a shift that embodies denial but also embodies coping
#they deny fray. they deny this part of themselves that seeks catharsis and care
#it’s denying any softness for a path of destruction and frustration
#the denial of softness being one of self harm. a self flagellation to make the pain mean something
#there has to be a reason or a justification in general. a way to make it make sense
#it goes hand in hand with their complex surrounding blame and taking responsibility when it’s not theirs to take
#still puzzling out how it resolves itself in the end
#it’s funny in StB how zenos recognizes the way they act but doesn’t truly grasp the motivation
#oc: eyrie kisne
#ANYWAY GOODNIGHT
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