#old man yells at cartoons i need to go and start weight painting

[antirepurp]

the unfortunate state of sonic cartoons where everything from the 90s looks Like That and even if one of them has a supposedly interesting premise the aesthetic repels me, sonic x has chris and a pacing that iirc was the main reason i ended up dropping it, boom exists to be funny and while it accomplishes that goal and is an enjoyable watch it isn't terribly compelling beyond that and fun aesthetics, and prime is multiverse slop that i would not be able to digest even if i tried to. like you'd think they could do more with a furry guy who oozes the dictionary definition of cool and yet

[lesbianlovelanguage]

Lost Boys of Starwood Ch 1

Fandom: Stranger Things Paring: Harringrove Chapter 1/10 Rating: T Co-written by myself and the amazing @catharrington​

Summary: West Hollywood California was a lighthouse on the beach for Steve Harrington moving down from nowhere Indiana. But for billy Hargrove it was a cage with golden bars kept locked by his father good and tight. They both found safety inside the darkness and splendor of Starwood, but will they be able to see the only way they can be truly found is through each other?

Read it on ao3 here or in the read below

“Get your fucking hands off of me!” Billy grunted, trying to squirm his way out from between two massive bouncers.

They ignored his shouts and threats, and continued to lead him outside. Once at the door, they threw him on to the street and slammed the door behind him.

“And fuck you too!” He gave one final middle finger at the closed door, and huffed before pulling out his almost empty pack of Lucky Strikes and lighting up a cigarette. This night was turning out to be a bust. The few drinks he was able to pilfer from the bozos around the dance floor weren’t doing much more than giving him a light buzz. When Billy tried like hell to convince an older guy to buy him a shot of Jack, the old geezer got security involved. Billy had just slid his hand up the meat of this guy's inner thigh a little, nothing big. No one is ever down for a good time any more.

Thankfully, the lights of Hollywood Blvd never turned off. He walked slowly, hands stuffed down inside the pockets of his tight denim, sweat from the club slowly drying on his naked chest. Billy left the top buttons open, even out on the street, wouldn’t want anyone to miss the show.

In his short year of exploration of the strip, Billy was proud to say he had been in each club at least once. Usually he was able to get a beer in his belly and a hand on his ass before he got caught and kicked out for being 17. He didn’t look it though, hand to god. He could pass for older, no problem, the earring and cocky smirk only aiding in the ruse. It’s just he didn’t have a fake ID, and, whilst Billy hid his age, he never hid his loose sexual orientation. Some clubs were okay with it and some were not, to say the least. The ones that didn’t care played the music that Billy craved. The angry lyrics, the loud guitar, the volume breaking the metal from the speakers as quick as they can, that’s the music Billy needed in his veins.

Taking slow drags from his cigarette, head down and debating about going home for the night, Billy started hearing some halfway decent music. He turned up his head to the sound of hard drums and a fast guitar start up, followed by an angry voice practically screaming I don’t wanna live to be thirty-four. Billy was definitely intrigued, and so he followed the music to another club. The neon sign naming the bar as “Starwood” and proclaiming the night’s guest to be a band called The Circle Jerks . Between the music and the name, Billy couldn’t find one reason to resist as he steered towards the doors. The chaos of the loud music at a shitty bar seemed exactly the kind of excitement buzz Billy was craving so deeply.

Just as he was poised to go in, Billy faltered in his step as a towering brick wall of a man covered the doorway. His one hand pushed the heavy door open, while the other was almost closed in a fist around a bloodied up man's throat. They walked out farther into the sidewalk, with the bouncer dragging the other man like a doll.

Billy knew an opportunity when he saw one, and even though there was a heavy thrill in seeing this fight and getting a look at the full sleeves of ink up and down the bouncer’s arms, Billy saw an opportunity. Billy used the distraction to dive for the quickly closing door.

Inside Starwood wasn’t much. The hallway was blacked out and the floor was scuffed from use to be just as dark. Multiple layers of faded posters glued to the walls on either side were a buffer to the noise, but not a good one.

Billy let his hands slide alongside the short hallway as his ears lead him around a corner into a thick mass of bodies.

As soon as he entered the main area of the bar, he was overwhelmed in the best way. The music was loud and fast, the bodies were sweaty and constantly in motion, and the booze was pouring freely and creating sticky puddles that merely added to the atmosphere. For the first time in a long while, Billy felt at home. It was easy to slide between the dancing bodies towards the bar in the back. He hung back, read the crowd, and easily snuck over to a particularly crowded spot at the bar.

He tucked himself just behind a thin woman who was already slurring her speech and snatched the neck of a beer bottle right under her nose. She was too busy leaning forward into the space of another girl talking with her hands to notice the thief, and once Billy took enough steps away she would have no reason to suspect a thing. Sometimes people let their guard down too easily at a bar, and while Billy knew about that, thankfully he just wanted to get drunk tonight. He cleaned off the lip of the bottle with the hem of his shirt before gulping it down for dear life.

There was a uniquely shaped stage on the other side of the large room, taking up almost the whole wall but was narrow. The band performing that night had the singer squashed between a massive drum set and a guitarist who held a wide power stance in tight leather pants that fit him like a second skin. The singer didn’t seem to have a care in the world as he bumped and even grinded against his guitarist's ass during a long and heavy solo.

This bar kept getting better and better to Billy. He wondered for a moment if he would have luck with what he attempted in his previous escapade. He had leaned up against a support beam covered in stickers and something sticky, but he didn’t care about that, nothing he hadn’t felt before in other places like this. Sea blue eyes scanned around the dark room hunting like a shark.

Then he saw someone, a lanky boy, fresh as a daisy but rushed and sweating behind the bar. He had long brown hair that just seemed to float above his head like a damn halo, and brown eyes that were just as big. From where Billy was standing all the lights of the stage reflected off those eyes, rainbows of colors, and when the boy slid a glass down the bar top and smiled, it was just as fantastic. Something that pretty shouldn’t be in a place like this, where the floor was basically one big puddle and the paint was peeling. He belonged on the cover of those magazines Susan read. Billy wanted to get his lips on that smile.

Billy chugged the last of the beer and marched over to the bar, waiting for a minute until it seemed that the bartender, with eyes like that damned cartoon deer Bambi, had a second to stop and wipe his hands down with a rag, then Billy took his shot. He caught the boy’s attention with a small gesture, and he had to yell over the noise, but he didn’t really care who heard.

“Hey, fuck me if I’m wrong, but is your name Bambi?”

He heard a couple hoots and cheers from the small gathering around the bar, but all he got from the boy was an eye roll, and he strutted to the other side of the bar to continue working. Bambi it was going to be then, his goal for the night, and oh was it going to be a fun chase.

He didn’t get to keep good on his goal however, because after staring at Bambi, or rather Bambi’s ass, for a minute and debating his next move, Billy felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, and came face to face with a person who was so clearly a skinhead, and not the nice kind judging by the nazi ring and the white laces in his boots, it made Billy want to roll his eyes.

He’d dealt with assholes like this at other bars, but he really didn’t want to go home with more bruises. It couldn’t be helped though, when the bald bastard leaned in close and spit “You a fucking fairy?” in Billy’s face.

Billy’s jaw flexed. This man was bigger than him,  but Billy wasn’t a push over. Hours under the sun surfing through unforgiving waves, weight lifting, and getting into more fights than he would care to remember has left him with an impressive physique of his own. Billy knew he was cut. And he knew how to win a fight. It wasn’t always about bigger or stronger but sometimes about the tricks.

“Who’s asking, big guy? Looking for a good time?” Billy flicked his eyes back across the bar just for a second to make sure that Bambi’s eyes were fixed on him. Their brown color sparkling with something intense as they connected. “Sorry but I’m taken right now-“

“Can’t fucking go anywhere these days without some faggot trying to suck dick in public. You’re disgusting!”

Billy couldn’t keep his smile under control, practically baring his teeth at this point. “You wanna watch me suck his dick, fella? Promise I’ll make it a show.” Then Billy’s tongue darted out to swipe along his bottom lip rapidity, wagging so suggestively, and it was turning the bald head on this bastard bright red. He hollered loud over all the music and noise of the bar, then lifted two hands gripped like fists in a club, fully ready to swing at Billy’s head of curls.

But then, the skinhead's shout was cut short. His anger boiled over so he was attacking all offense, leaving no room for defense. Billy easily leaned to the side and lifted his arm to push hard at the back of his sweaty, ugly head, successfully sending the thick skull of the man into the bar with a sickening crunch. That must be his nose, Billy had heard that noise many times before.

The skinhead crumbled to the ground, whimpering pathetically as he tried to stop the blood flowing from his face. Another man at the bar was lumbering over to haul the man up, maybe another security guy, maybe the same one from the door, Billy wasn’t watching. He only had eyes for Bambi, turning in place to stare at the bartender.

The sweet brunette bartender had obviously heard and seen what Billy did, and it worked like a charm. He leaned one hand on the bar and another against his hip, fingers coiled tight around the part where his shirt was tucked into tight denim jeans. “Nice show,” he had his head leaned down to look at Billy but his chin cocked up, like he was sizing him up. “Got a name?”

“Billy! The name’s Billy, pretty boy. But you can call me any time.” He had to yell over the music that hadn’t stopped.

“Order a drink, Billy. Whatever you want, it’s on the house.”

“You on the menu?” Bambi clearly hadn’t expected Billy to try and flirt so blatantly again, blinking a couple of times as if to process what he had meant.

“Sorry Billy, not tonight. How ‘bout a beer?” His voice was loud from having to holler over the sounds of the bar, but somehow soft and spoken just into Billy’s ear. It felt almost like a caress.

Billy grinned, at least this time wasn’t an out-right rejection. It could only be a matter of time before he wormed his way into Bambi’s heart, or at least his sinnfully tight jeans.

“Or, what about a Dirty Shirley?” Billy said, licking his bottom lip.

“How about a good ol’ Moscow Mule?” Steve hollered back, a light chuckle in his voice.

“I think I’d much rather a Quick Fuck.” Steve’s eyes glinted mischievously under the harsh lights of the bar.

“I know just the drink for you.” He then proceeded to mix together three different types of alcohol from the bottles lining the back wall. He poured it all into a little shot glass and placed it in front of Billy with a flourish.

“Well, pretty boy, what’s it called?” Billy asked, trying not to seem too eager, but fuck if this wasn’t the most fun he’d had in while.

Steve finally leaned over the bar towards Billy, and whispered in his ear. Soft rose petal lips tickled the blonde hairs curled under the lobe of his ear.

“It’s called Blue Balls,”  Steve pulled away, looking like the cat who got the cream, not realizing that his snark had only cemented Billy’s determination to win him over.

With one quick move, Billy downed the shot easily and stood up.

“You got me, Bambi, I guess I can handle a little blue balls tonight, but next time I’m really hoping for that Quick Fuck,” and with that promise of a return, Billy strode deeper into the club, thinking

You may have won this battle, Bambi, but I’m gonna win the war.

--

So this started as me being thirsty for headcanons, and then catharrington was a genius and brought up the amazing idea of punk!Billy in California, and well... Lost Boys of Starwood was born! I'm so excited to start sharing this story with y'all, so please let me know what you think :)

Also, if you're into punk music, totally check out the music in this fic! It's all LA based bands from the 1980s. Or message me for a playlist I made lol. Also let me know if you’d want me to make a taglist for this series!

[pigeoncentric]

i did an A:TLA rewatch and took notes because that’s just what i do, and here’s the notes if anyone wants to see my thoughts

i haven't watched atla since about a year before korra started airing, so like, around 2011. i should also mention that i never watched korra through to the end, but i guess i'll do that after this. if i feel like it. i do know that the biggest bottles were never popped

i have such a clear memory of the first episode. it must've been on nickelodeon pretty often, even though when it was airing, i only watched it occasionally. i remember they also aired the library episode super often.

aang's voice is so tiny and sweet

i gotta turn off my dumb adult brain and put my dumb kid brain back on so i can better appreciate the nickelodeonness of it all

sokka and zuko's first interaction.......

zuko's intimidating approach and then his tiny teen voice

SOKKA AND ZUKO'S SECOND INTERACTION............

zuko's like "i'm going home." with aang. he must be feeling an incredible mixture of feelings, thinking he has the avatar and can reclaim his Honor. but he also must be terrified to go back, and in disbelief... fortunately he's not going home like he said and there are even more confused feelings in between

i just remembered that iroh's voice actor dies between seasons :(

thinking a lot about dante basco... no thoughts in particular, just a lot of them... and how he shipped zutara lmao

"my troubles cannot be soaked away!"

hei bai looks like a ben 10

mounts list (added to as i progressed through the series): zuko's rhinos. earth armored ostriches. metal noshing mole. north pole goatyak. azula and friends' fur geckos. sabertooth moose lion if you're not a wimp. appa-sized beetle. moose with aquatic features. Eel Hound.

you can't out-mom-friend katara. even when she's yelling and being reckless

it's true... airbenders are weak to nets.

the n*tfli* captions are making several mistakes. eat my ass ne*f*ix and hire me to do flawless captioning instead you dumb fucks

YEAH! even by episode 13 in season 1 we already know zuko is a good boy! well also by episode 12. and earlier. well i've seen the series before.

i've just learned that zach tyler eisen is the voice of aang and i have to give him huge props for having the perfect voice. i pay a lot of attention to voice acting, usually in a nitpicky way, and i've never heard an english voice actor whose voice is perfect on the level of ikue ohtani... and when he was like 12 years old. incredible. i'm not being remotely sarcastic

i gotta be 100% honest. i had completely forgotten the existence of zhao and that he's actually a pretty important character, at least in season 1. also his voice actor is pretty good. generally the voice acting is good in this show, and i'm picky.

god the animation where aang makes one catapult catapult the other is so good. also appa just picked up and grabbed a guy. with his fist. wait how many toes does appa have? is that 18 in total? also appa has scutes on his ventrum. anyway i love that appa can pick up and grab a guy but generally chooses not to. gives it more weight when he does choose to

zuko tells turtle seals to be quiet and then touches them unkindly :(

zuko busted out of katara's ice orb instead of melting it :\

zuko put his hood up like iroh told him to but aang just has his naked bald head in the snowy cold :(

seeing zhao grab and bag the moon spirit fish made me feel sick. such a foul act

god. the quality rope. i noticed sokka mention it and was like, "was this a chekhov's gun or a red herring" and then a few minutes later there was a pointed pan over to the quality rope.

anyway examining the quality of the voice acting here leads me to a thesis i might gather evidence to prove: american english voice acting for cartoons is far higher quality than american english voice acting for anime dubs. or is that just something obvious that everyone already agrees on

anyway anyway, the episode ended without the quality rope being put to use. unless i missed it, which is entirely possible.

jesus i heard azula's first lines and got an instant flashback to all the tumblr drama about grey delisle and her tumblr account and how she pretended it wasn't hers or something let's just erase all of this from my brain right now

this is kind of out of nowhere and borderline inappropriate but i'm glad characters in avatar are illustrated with nipples when they're shirtless... it always disturbs me a tiny bit when shirtless characters are depicted with zero nipple, not even a hint of nipple. (Aladdin.) not just because it implicitly stigmatizes something everyone has, but also because this scenario always plays in my head where it's like, a little kid sees a cartoon character without nipples and they think, "so i'm not supposed to have these..." and they start feeling weird and bad about themself... all you need to depict a nipple is a single unobtrusive dot. nothing visually offensive or explicit about it.

even to an audience who doesn't understand any cultural context, you can't not see the significance of zuko and iroh cutting off their topknots...

fandom seems to see sokka as the silliest one when in fact at least 40% of his entire role as a character is to be the tsukkomi

underrated moment: "you've got an elbow leech." "WHERE?! WHERE?!"

zuko should be a good boy and only steal if it's from pirates

stealy zuko stealing money and buying iroh a teapot !

god i forgot what a tiny baby voice toph has... so tiny

zuko trying really really hard but doing a bad job hammering (tears)

azula set up zuko and mai for a lucky sukebe...

when zuko's mom told him not to forget who he is, she didn't mean to remember that he's a prince and an heir as he revealed to the unsuspecting earth kingdom village. she meant to remember that he's someone with at least the base level of empathy and compassion, unlike most of his immediate family...

i still think aang's voice actor did a great job but i bet it sucks to be a young boy doing an excellent young boy voice and then when you grow up a little and presumably experience some puberty you just Cannot do the young boy voice anymore. hopefully in most cases where that happens, it's at least not abrupt

placing a bet that the writer for episode s2:e10 (the library) is different than most of the other episodes. i don't like it very much, at least in the first several minutes. if it's a name i recognize from the credits of several other episodes, i might be a bit disappointed in them. seriously, there's one stinker after another. and with such a great concept of an episode...

i didn't recognize the name of the guy who wrote this episode so i thought i was right but no, he wrote a bunch of episodes. must have been off his game for this one... either that or i'm in a very unforgiving mood and don't realize it... also when i went on wikipedia to look at who wrote which atla episodes, i learned that the animation for the show was split between two animation studios, and they're both korean. ah, i guess that doesn't mean all the animation took place overseas, as DM movie has a headquarters in the US. according to wikipedia.

oh, they're BUZZards... i get it... i gotcha.

aang with a vengeance is both scary and sad to see. but he does understand that property damage is nothing compared to a life

people who love azula are the exact same as people who love vriska: [comment redacted]

they have american birds in the avatar world. i keep hearing an eastern wood-peewee going "pee-pee-uwee" in the background :3

the serpent's pass seems geologically implausible.

sokka should really get face paint all over his face when he kisses suki. or like, the cartoonish image of when someone is covered in lipstick lip smacks, but it should be suki's makeup color

appa's been through so much and now he has to meet a boarcupine?!?! fortunately he still knows how to pick up and grab... but still :(

he touched appa's scutes and read them like a palm...

longshot translated his meaningful stares into out-loud words for katara and friends

zuko forgot that azula always lies :(

zuko should know that being redeemed in his father's eyes is the opposite of what he wants...

i LOVE aang's passionate tsungi horn dance

there are spring peepers in the fire nation

god the dripping of the rotten clams is so excessive

you know how ultrasonic humidifiers can create water vapor without heating it into steam, by vibrating it super fast? let's try that with waterbending, it'll be cool

two different bad guys have been skipped across the water like a rock

i love the fake time lapse of cleaning the river... and it showed how with pollution in real life, stopping the source of the pollution is not enough. it needs to be removed as well

sokka deserves LOTS of credit just for being able to handle a boomerang.

GOD THE SLOW PAN OVER THE BEAUTIFUL SWORD (in 3:4)

sokka also deserves LOTS of credit for being able to admit he doesn't know everything.

i managed to forget that zuko turns his back on iroh, while remembering that at some point, iroh gets buff

the voice of sokka's master is the voice of the boulder. right? right? no? are you kidding me? i suck at this

seems like kissing azula would have immediate consequences, like something melting

zuko is poorly socialized

zuko still forgot that azula always lies. even when she's being somewhat humanized in an episode like this.

so avatar roku had earthly attachments he did not let go of, presumably. such as his wife. did he have unfettered access to the avatar state? that's what i would ask him during this expositionfest if i was aang.

so sozin could do heatbending... that's amazing. i think i missed that the first time around.

that's right, zuko came back and his hair is long enough, but he hasn't recreated his topknot.

hawky is the only atla animal that poops on camera.

if you're gonna bend sweat, you might as well bend spit, and it's a little easier to obtain

wait so... is combustion man also a heatbender? i'll have to look into it later. [looked into it later: the avatar wiki has termed it "combustionbending?" are you shitting me?]

ooh it's the bloodbending episode! i'm pumped.

someone made a post about how when they watched this show and they were a kid they were thinking about how the characters are hot, and now they're watching as an adult and the characters are all tiny children... that's how i've been feeling. also season 3 episode 8 aang's voice sounds a little bit pubertous.

anyway damn this bloodbending episode is outright traumatic. good shit

oh, now zuko's topknot is back.

appa's armor covers each individual toe <:3c

i seriously misremembered the course of zuko's character development. and the timeline of the invasion in general. but now i understand that zuko has to tell his dad to eat shit face to face.

watching zuko's "zuko here" practice speech hurts 100% as much as it did the first time i saw it. and when he's delivering it to the gaang it's impossible to watch. i didn't put my hands on my head-- they just went there unbidden.

i kinda can't help picturing dante basco's face every time i hear zuko talk. the whole time. it's sometimes not optimal to know the faces of voice actors. especially when you're like me and you're not good at pushing out unwanted mental images.

what the fuck, combustion man? he just loves assassination so much you can't take back any orders. also i can't help but imagine that if you put a slice across his third eye his combustion would be fully inhibited. well i guess that's not a problem anymore.

i like that the gaang are a variety of heights, and that they're all noticeably shorter than most of the adults they meet. it just makes it feel realistic

if it was a US max security prison and prisoners were escaping they'd probably just fucking murder them

i love how when mai starts up the gondola again and azula is like "what is she DOING!" and ty lee just makes an "iunno" noise

tfw your best friend abandons you because you wouldn't let her murder her own brother

chit seng didn't get to free his girlfriend and best buddy :(

funny how azula seems almost docile when she's getting everything she wants. typical narcissist. well ok not the least bit typical.

sokka ate the rose. i remembered this scene Too clearly. but i didn't remember that.

um... was that the full moon? when katara bloodbent that guy? i should've looked at the sky... i went back and looked and still didn't see if it was the full moon. maybe the wiki knows. i don't care enough to look it up properly.

i was wondering when the melon lord would show up

none of the teens understand the obvious solution of defeating the fire lord by beating him INTO SUBMISSION (or oblivion) instead of killing him. just like in every anime fight ever. it's over when you acknowledge you've lost or you can't fight anymore, not when you die. (for the #1 best example of ending a fight the right way, see the way luffy defeats crocodile.)

so i know aang's gonna defeat the fire lord by essentially hitting him with a forced purification beam to the face and make him realize the errors of his ways or something. the fun part is how we get there

bumi bending entire houses through the air

aw i forgot the turtle island didn't have a cute face.

jyong jyong firebent a jet platform to fly around on?!

i guess the firelord can fly around like bakugou katsuki

i forgot that aang took away his firebending... and sokka hops up to him like "well, look at you, buster"

i'm glad i decided to watch this again. even if i didn't do a great job paying attention tbh. well i did spend a bit of time carving a little wooden spoon while i was watching. anyway i was thinking i wouldn't move right on to korra but rather read some of the atla comics that i know exist but have never read whatsoever. i wonder if i can find them in some kind of library...

  i found the comics illegally on the internet and read a whole bunch (up until the end of the "zuko finds his mom" arc). i didn't write my thoughts down as i was reading, so i don't remember them. that's how my worthless brain works. i do remember that i found the comics satisfactory as an accurate extension of the show, and that i feel ambivalent about how azula is written/treated in the comics.

i don’t know if i feel like rewatching korra yet.

[afterspark-podcast]

G1 Episode 26: Transcript

Episode Show Notes

[This can also be found on AO3!]

S: It's a Megaman rock opera and a Megaman rock opera prequel.

[ Intro Music]

O: Hello! And welcome to the Afterspark Podcast, an episode by episode recap of the Generation 1 Transformers cartoon. I'm Owls!

S: And I'm Specs! 

O: And today we're gonna be talking about episode number 26: Attack of the Autobots. Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?

S: Sure.

O: Today we open at the Ark, with the Autobots preparing something when the Decepticons attack. Prowl has a confrontation with Laserbeak.

S: Buy Prowl now, kids! He comes with a rad grappling hook accessory. You know you want it. 

O: Tubular! [Laughter] Thundercracker and Skywarp shoot at Optimus and he tries to save Ratchet bridal style but the explosion throws them both face-first onto the ground.

S: No one’s having a good day here.

O: No one is having a good day here. 

S: Rumble then, like, does his thing and sends Optimus and Ratchet into a crevice.

O: Elsewhere, Megatron and Starscream prepare to storm the Ark by spraying each other with invisibility spray.

S: Alright! Stuff that they'll never do anything with ever again. Does no one ever think of using these things, like, seriously? Do they ever think this stuff through? 

O: We both know they don't. Soundwave is the only one capable of planning ahead and no one listens to him enough, obviously. 

S: I guess, and then these two. They just walk smack-dab into the Ark. 

O: The Autobots don't have any sort of scanning crap for their front door based on weight, heat signatures, something?

S: I mean, I thought they had a camera when Nightbird turns up or something. They had a camera at some point, but it looks like they just got rid of their anti-ninja floor which would have maybe helped here?

O: Possibly, but then Megatron and Starscream enter the main Teletraan-1 room and press a button, revealing two beds or recharging chambers, rather. 

S: Oh, what does this tell us about the Autobots? Rather too much, I think.

O: [Laughter] 

S: Megs tells Starscream to hand him the personality disrupter-

O: Oh god.

S: And then he just, like, plops the thing into the machine.

O: We’re in the Teletraan-1 room, right? Like this- this is really the plan we're going with instead of blowing it up or something?

S: Or sabotage? 

O: Sabotage, yeah! I mean, I guess this is sabotage of a kind, but- but, boy in a roundabout way. 

S: Everyone just wants to fuck with each other's heads, we already know that. 

O: I guess. We were talking about Megatron and Starscream. It's like their MMO or their IMO- modus operandi.

S: Yes. And then these two just, you know, trot off outside and then take off. Megatron is laughing maniacally about the Autobots experiencing a “transformation” they won't expect the next time they go to sleep.

O: What is he, Freddy Krueger, now?

S: I guess?

O: [Laughter] The crossover no one asked for.

S: Well, someone might have asked for it.

O: Eh…

S: I don’t know. Back with Rumble, he's kneeling at the edge of the crevasse he created earlier wondering why he didn't hear Ratchet and Optimus hit the bottom.

O: Optimus and Ratchet come out magically flying and say, “Because we'd rather hit you!”

S: Okay.

O: It's so dumb, I can't I hate it. 

S: Unfortunately, the mental image that I have of this because I don't actually remember what happens is that they’re doing side hugs as they fly out-

O: [Laughter] No, I think they both come out punching or something but I don’t remember.

S: Yes but what I’m seeing is like a side hug with punching.

O: Oh my god. [muffled laughter]  

S: I’m sorry, it’s been so long.

O: It really has been awhile since we watched this.

S: And so, um, Megatron orders a retreat and the Decepticons follow suit. 

O: I love that Laserbeak gets away from Prowl in like five seconds flat despite being caught by Prowl’s grapple hook thing. It really makes it seem like he was just toying with Prowl the whole time. He probably was, cuz Laserbeak is actually intelligent. 

S: Yeah and distracting Prowl, or the guy who might wonder why the hell they did this seems like a smart thing to do.

O: Well, or the person who's going, “Golly, where’s Starscream and Megatron?” 

S: Yeah.

O: So, yeah, go- pretty good planning, there.

S: For someone, which was probably Soundwave.

O: Or Laserbeak. I would, I think either one would be capable of this.

S: Yeah. Brawn yells that, “Soundwave didn't finish his nickel-plated knuckle sandwich,” as Soundwave flies off. 

O: Say it with me kids, “Fuck Brawn.” [Laughter] Ratchet tries to chase Rumble but Rumble turns into a tape to escape his grasp. So he falls to the ground and then he turns back into a robot when Ratchet tries to pick him up off the ground and then he flies off, turning back into a tape and hopping into Soundwave’s chest. 

S: And the good chunk of this is happening while Ratchet is knelt on the ground trying to pick him up in tape mode.

O: Which is just a wonderfully ridiculous sentence. Anyway, the Autobots watch the Cons fly away as the moon chills in the background.

S: And this, it honestly just looks like a magical girl anime shot for some reason. 

O: Okay, I'm just like, how do you turn, like, the Transformers theme into a magical girl theme and and, uh, has that been done?

S: At this point, all that's coming to mind is, like, crossing the Transformers theme and the Sailor Moon theme.

O: I feel like Sailor Moon’s not a good fit. There's got to be a better- a better magical girl theme that's a little bit more action oriented, because you've heard- you've heard Sailor Moon, it's a love song.

S: Yeah, but the thing is I don't really watch a lot of magical girl anime, so I have a limited amount of experience.

O: Touche. I feel like Utena- crossing it with Utena would actually work better. Utena’s weird as balls, guys.

S: Yes, but I haven’t seen that yet.

O: I need to lend it to you, because it’s weird. It's, like, my kind of weird. [Laughter] Anyway, Ratchet comments that, “It's kind of weird that Megatron ran off so quickly,” but Prowl thinks that perhaps they were so quick to respond they were able to make their goal impossible to achieve.

S: Unfortunately, Prowl, you are extremely wrong here. You're so very very wrong, you're on a different continent. 

O: [Laughter]

S: You're on a different planet. You're ice cold, buddy. 

O: [Laughter] You can go south, you're, like, in the North Pole. 

S: But Optimus just looks very squintily into the camera and says that, “Megatron always has a method to his madness.” 

O: HE DOES!?!

S: Yes! 

O: I think it depends on the day and the writer. Is he a moron or a genius?  The world may never know!

S: How much crack is involved.

O: Also true. The next day we see the Autobots using the recharge chambers.

S: Oh, and our first victims are Ratchet and Optimus. And this honestly makes me think of- okay so the positioning of- [groans] 

O: Okay, with how the beds are positioned, it looks very, very similar to- to the 50 sitcoms like, you know, the ones. Like, uh,I Love Lucy, uh, Flintstones is not a good example because they did sleep in the same bed. Just, 50’s sitcoms, yes?

S: Yeah, I Love Lucy, The Honeymooners, probably. Um. So basically because of, you know, morality codes or something they couldn't show couples sharing beds because- sex. You couldn't imply sex.

O: Basically, despite if they have children. I just can't get over that these are the ONLY two beds on the entire Ark. 

S: It’s share and share alike here, I guess. All the minibots pile in. I don't know. 

O: “Ah, nothing like a good recharge to give the old bolts some volts.” 

S: Some pep in your step!

O: I really hope that's what they meant.

S: I don't want to debate the robot physiology HERE, okay.

O: Not here, not now, uh-huh. The stars! The stars are not aligned! 

S: [Sighs] Optimus tells everybody to recharge after he hops out because they got some shit to do, man.

O: Teletraan-1 informs the Autobots of a rocket launch and Optimus orders everyone to the air force base because the Decepticons will obviously be trying to steal it.

S: [Sighs] It’s the only air force base in the continental United States, obviously. It's the only thing the Decepticons can pay any attention to.

O: Apparently, but this is not before his eyes turn red and he starts to sound real evil, though.

S: Yeah, everyone else appears to be bitten by the evil bug, too, as their eyes also start glowing.

O: We have confirmation that Optimus, Skyfire, Prowl, Bluestreak, Brawn, and Hound have been affected. Teletraan can apparently sense evil now as it blasts out about an evil presence being di-tected- di-tected? Detected!

S: Honestly, why couldn't Teletraan-1 tell there were evil presences there earlier with Megatron and Starscream, or any of the other damn times the base has been infiltrated because-

O: [Whispering] Who the fuck knows? Who the fuck knows? [Normally] Megatron appears to be talking to Teletraan-1 directly now and he kind of begins to monologue to it-

S: How the hell is he aware of any of this?

O: The personality thing had a camera/communication device on it or something?

S: Well, I mean, I guess Laserbeak could have planted cameras.

O: He's a good birb.

S: Yeah, either that or maybe he's there, considering that in the movie we see him, like, filming stuff.

O: That's also true, but we don't see him in there at least as far as the cartoon was concerned. 

S: That's true, I mean, the Decepticons didn't even see what he was filming until after he turned up, went into Soundwave, and Soundwave showed them or... 

O: True. However, for that matter, why the hell didn't they just send Ravage for all this? He- he can turn invisible! 

S: He was off doing something else? 

O: Getting a college degree? In what?

S: He's taking a course in oil painting.

O: I hate you, and I hate that this the obvious answer here (is because of you): he's getting a degree in Russian!

S: Because he's always a-rushing.

O: [Groans loudly] It's the only excuse I have for Beast Wars. It’s definitely your fault, though!

S: [Laughter] The camera pans out as Megatron blabs some more. Additional bot’s that are infected are: Ratchet, Sideswipe, and Trailbreaker. So we did cover it. 

O: We did cover it. Megatron orders the Autobots to silence Teletraan and Optimus just punches the fuck out of it. 

S: I guess that's one way to handle that, you can't turn it off. But, I mean, well maybe you can turn it off. But I mean, someone's gonna be real unhappy about that, later. 

O: Possibly. Whoever the poor sod is that's gonna have to fix it. 

S: Also, Optimus is probably gonna feel like a bit of a heel.

O: I imagine. Outside we see Bumblebee and Jazz returning back to base with Spike and Sparkplug. 

S: Sparkplug was feeling very, very posh today so they took the Porsche. 

O: Apparently, they've been updating Jazz's sound system.

S: I find it really funny that the humans have a better quality sound system than the giant robots.

O: Well, I mean, if high quality sound wasn't something they needed or wanted during war than it may make kind of a certain amount of sense.

S: That is a good point about, like, resource management. 

O: I mean like, it wouldn't be highly on the list of priorities. Can we hear what they're saying? Yes? It's good enough.

S:  Yeah, granted I don't know- Decepticons are the only ones who seem to use bugs or anything.

O: Also true. Otherwise it’s Bumblebee overheard it. [Laughter]

S: Yeah. Bumblebee overheard it or, possibly, Hound getting weird radio transmissions ‘cause I think that happened too.

O: Oh right, right when, uh, he jacked into Megatron's head.

S: Yeah. 

O: He didn’t, but that’s really what it looks like. 

S: It really is. He had a stupid little radar dish.

O: Pretty much.

S: Yeah, so Jazz stops and they proceed to test out those new speakers but Bumblebee’s just like, “I’m- I'm done, I'm going back to base.”

O: I love that Sparkplug complains about the volume as Bee’s driving off, too. Like, Sparkplug, like, you could have gone with Bee. [Laughter]

S: Yeah. 

O: Uh, but Bee arrives back to base and somehow initially misses the giant hole punched into Teletraan-1.

S: He rolled a one on this passive perception.

O: And that’s a whiff! [Laughter]

S: He got distracted by something else.

O: [Laughter] Bluestreak?

S: Maybe. Because Bluestreak’s being all creepy here and trying to drag Bee back to bed.

O: I love that Bee’s reaction to this uh, because Bluestreak picks him up. He's like, “No, wait-” But he doesn't sound afraid, he just sounds confused.

S: Now’s not the time Bluestreak and I mean, this just makes me wonder whether, like, the other Autobots just like, occasionally pick up the minibots?

O: Yeah. Like, do they- do they carry them? Are they like, “We need a nightcap and someone to hug.” Bumblebee is very huggable, obviously! 

S: I don't think Brawn would be especially-

O: No-

S: Brawn- or Huffer or Gears.

O: No,no, Brawn is going to sit in the robot playpen, for being mean to Perceptor. 

S: Yeah, I don't think Brawn, Huffer, or Gears would be especially, uh, popular with that but who knows?

O: Huffer would just whine all night. He would not be fun. But Bee is very popular as a cuddle buddy. A cuddle bug if you will.

S: Yeeeeeaaaaaaah!

O: Yeeeeeaaaaaaah! [Laughter]

S: [Sighs] Jazz manages to get some rock and roll with real rocks with his new speakers.

O: Which Sparkplug calls an avalanche but wouldn't this be a rock slide?

S: I don't know, maybe he's got different parlance, but I think it would just be a rock slide. Who knows. Jazz and the two humans head back to base, arriving just as Bluestreak shoves Bee into one of the infected recharge chambers. 

O: Bluestreak fires on Jazz but Jazz beans him in the crotch by throwing something. 

S: What did he throw? Who knows. Do they need it later? Also, who knows. Bee seems fine, I guess? I guess the chamber didn't turn on or wasn't on that long enough but-

O: He's fine, he's not evil. Eh.

S: And Sparkplug is able to fix Teletraan-1, so I guess he's the one who regrets everything.

O: [Laughter] I hope he gives Optimus a good talking to later.

S: Yeah, and Teletraan-1 then displays a video of Megatron shoving the thing in the thing, so I guess Teletraan-1 knew? 

O You couldn’t have said something sooner? You had all night, Teletraan. Really?

S: Teletraan-1 has just the shittiest priority's, I guess.

O: Apparently, Sparkplug asks how many other Autobots are infected and Teletraan-1 just says, “All of them.” 

S: Those beds got an awful lot of use and Teletraan-1 has no excuses-

O: No-

S: For not telling anyone. 

O: No, none excuses. 

S: The Autobots crash through into- through into the air base.

O: Welcome to this 30 second interlude. Now back to Spike and Co. 

S: Teletraan-1 warns them about the attack on the base and Bee and Spike drive off. 

O: Ratchet and Hound are in the front of some building, under orders to retrieve the plans for the solar satellite. Inside we see a female scientist chatting on the phone. 

S: She's literally the best human in this episode, and I have a question. Is this the first we’ve ever heard of the solar satellite or it's-

O: I think they might- I can't remember. I think they said it earlier in the episode when um, when teletraan one was like, “A solar satellite is going to be launched-” 

S Oh, yeah, it’s to do with a launch or whatever. 

O: Yeah because that's what they're launching.

S: Alright.

O: So I think Teletraan-1 might have mentioned it earlier when the Autobots were like, “Oh, we have to go there and protect it from Decepticons!” and then, “Oh no, we're actually evil right now.”

S: Okay, okay.

O: But she is definitely the best human in this episode.

S: She's alerted to the two Autobots attacking and then grabs the blueprints for satellite and books it. Meanwhile we cut to, um, evil Ratchet and Hound stooped over, stalking through the halls.

O: I love that, even, evil they aren’t just destroying everything, right now. 

S: Even evil, Ratchet’s got a delicate touch.

O: Not too delicate, and he does smash through the wall slash door to get to the scientist. 

S: I guess you do what you’ve got to do when you're-

O: Evil?

S: Evil or mind controlled or whatever. So the lady scientist, who’s name is Dr. Harding, breaks a window and then jumps out, cushioning her fall with a convenient table umbrella and then hoofing it off into the distance.

O: Cue scenes of destruction, as the Autobots are just breaking all of the shit back at the Air Force Base. 

S: They have Optimus smashing things and shouting, “Destroy, destroy, destroy!” 

O: Bee and Spike arrive on scene with Bumblebee trying to talk some sense into Prime but he gets punched in the face. He says, “Prime, it’s Bumblebee, I'm one of you're-”

S: I’m one of your whats?

O: What am I, anyway? Am I your son? Is that how this works?

S: Eh, who knows? Megs busts uh, into Mission Control like he's the freaking Kool-Aid man, you know, again, threatening a scientist who tries to stop the launch.

O: Then he destroys a bunch of computers and tells Soundwave to hack the main computer which looks suspiciously like the bank of computers he just had destroyed.

S: They wanted to- they wanted to save some money. Got to reuse that stuff. Soundwave’s just got this itty-bitty little Jack in his finger that lets him jack into the computer immediately and, honestly, I'm kind of entertained that somehow... the robots are compatible with human computer systems. 

O: I mean, I wouldn't put it beyond Soundwave to have like purposely thought that far ahead-

S: Yeah-

O: Either but- but, yeah.

S: Going backwards compatible for something as primitive as a human computer-

O: In the 80’s.

S: -in the 80s.

O: Yeah.

S: Verses, they're giant robots from outer space.

O: I mean, when we could make the argument about their tech isn't super as advanced as you'd think considering maybe they've been stopped since the start of war but ehh?

S: Maybe, it's just they're like 4 million years old, at least. Who knows what tech they had and also they're obviously a hell of a lot more-

O: Tech savvy than- than humans, yes.

S: They should be. Umm, and then afterwards he espouses about how “The launch can't be stopped now and in two Earth hours they'll be on the rocket, on their way to Cybertron.” 

O: So let me get this straight. You went into Mission Control, blasted a bunch of stuff that apparently didn't matter, then had Soundwave reprogram the thing so it'll go to Cybertron. Do they even have enough fuel for that? Do they know?

S: That's really what I was wondering too, or is there even going to be enough room for all of them on that considering that, you know, that sort of thing. It's like a rocket but most of that is just to convey this satellite into the upper atmosphere and then it just stays there.

O: I don’t even know if this is supposed to be manned. Like, if they were just launching a satellite I don't even know if there should have been room for people, period. 

S: There shouldn't have been any sort of room there. Whatever room there might be is supposed to be, like, fuel tanks or rocket engines.

O: But, but yeah! A lot the rocket gets dropped off in pieces during liftoff. Do they know that?

S: I think they just don't give a shit. I don't know, they don't give a frag, cuz they're robots. I mean, I assume that they scope this stuff out but I don't know.

O:  If Soundwave or the cassettes did recon they're gonna be fine. Seeker’s did it, they’re all going to die.

S: Yeah.

O: That- that's my take on it. 

S: Back at the Ark, Sparkplug says a bunch of gobbledygook about a thing he made to revert the Autobots back to normal.

O: I call bullshit, sir. But we all know it's gonna work because that's how this show works, so carry on. Uh, Jazz simplifies this as a “goodness transfusion.” 

S: Oh, Jazz, we love you, we do.

O: We do, you're great. Bluestreak gets back up and Jazz seems to think they've found their volunteer test subject.

S: How did they not tie this dude up while he was unconscious?

O: Good question, it's not like Jazz didn't have time while Sparkplug was fixing Teletraan-1 and making his goodness transfusor thing. What was he doing? 

S: For that matter, why the hell didn’t Jazz just- just, like, sit on him or something, so they didn't have to- didn't have to tie him up. Or have anything to tie him up. 

O: An even better question. [Laughter]

S: I don't know, they probably could have locked him in one of the recharge chambers or-

O: Something.

S: Jazz distracts Bluestreak while Sparkplug runs up and sticks the device on Bluestreak’s leg.

O: This works as Bluestreak’s optics change from red back to blue.

S: And he informs Jazz that- and Sparkplug about Megatron's orders to take the airbase and steal the plans for the satellite.

O: The three of them set forth to make more attitude adjusters. Apparently, they're not multi-use.

S: I have a number of questions, including why they're stealing the satellite plan but they're literally going to be stealing the satellite?

O: Megatron wants to cover all of his bases.

S: I guess? Maybe they wanted to like review if they're going to adjust the satellite or something-

O: I suppose.

S: I don’t know, or just make copies of it but if they have it they could just- I don’t know.

O: I don't know. 

S: Meanwhile, Dr. Harding continues to be a fuckin badass, climbing into a dumpster to hide from Hound.

O: In heels. I’m pretty sure she’s in heels. 

S: Yeah. 

O: Seriously, I’m in love with this woman. Why isn’t she in the series more? 

S: She and Carly would have gotten along well. 

O: I would have loved to see that.

S: She, Carly, and Chip.

O: Yeah! Yeah! Science buddies! 

S: Mm-hmm. So Dr. Harding’s, um, hiding attempt almost doesn't work as Hound begins picking up dumpsters and crushing them, but Jazz shows up just in the nick of time. 

O: Sparkplug and Jazz are able to return Hound to normal but the doctor runs off and right into the still-evil Ratchet. 

S: Jazz is a very on point today as he stops Ratchet just in time, as well.

O: Back at the Air Force base, the Autobots are continuing their rampage continuing to blow up all of the shit. 

S: Yep, tired of watching this Bee jumps on a plane and tells Prime he'll have to destroy him, too. 

O: And commercial break! Buy the toys, kids, Bumblebee’s gonna die! 

S: And back to the show, Skyfire is in the air, blowing shit up.

O: I just feel really bad for him, he's gonna feel super bad if he remembers any of this when he wakes up.

S: Um-hm. Sparkplug, Dr. Harding, Jazz, Bluestreak, Hound, and Ratchet arrived on the scene. They're just collecting people-

O: Yeah, this is like the superhero movies where you have to go collect each superhero. I also kind of love that Dr. Harding was riding in Ratchet, who was tried to kill her a few minutes ago.  Respect, madam, respect. 

S: Yup, they see Skyfire and then Scarf- eaugh- 

O: [Snorts] And then Scarfplug-

S: Sees Skyfire and Sparkplug wonders how they're going to get one of the devices way up on him. Hound offers to shoot it with his vertical beam gun.

O: Patent-pending.

S: They're able to shoot him once they get him to come a bit closer and then Skyfire returns to normal and then, now that he’s there, they load up and roll out.

O: Still the taxi service, buddy.

S: The scale is incredibly off here because Skyfire just looks like he's bigger than the Ark. 

O: Big boy! Bee is still holding the ground against Optimus but gets lifted up in the air, just as the others arrive in Skyfire.

S: They show up just in time to interrupt the evil Autobots’ arts and crafts lesson.

O: With aircraft! 

S: There's so much you can do with aircraft.

O: Obviously. Look! I can make pretty flowers. 

S: Yeah. You can give yourself wings.

O: [Laughter] Look Optimus! I’m a Seeker! 

S: Hound is able to shoot Prowl and Brawn with the personality things but misses Optimus. Who proceeds to chuck Bumblebee across the tarmac. 

O: Prime splits into three, by way of his trailer, Roller, and himself. So, the Father, Son, and Holy Trailer? [Laughter] 

S: Yeah.

O: Hound nails the trailer and Roller in short order.

S: They missed their chance to hit the three for one deal and now they have to get them all separately and, oh no! They're down to their last attitude exchanger.

O: They apparently only had time to make one extra.

S: I'm kind of amused by the fact that they acted- so the thing is, technically, I think they made three extras.

O: I guess you're right, because they missed with one, and then they had to hit two or- for the trailer.

S: that- four.

O: Yeah, they had- so they had to hit his trailer and Roller and then him. So you’re right. Technically, they made four. 

S: Which, that is actually a pretty good margin of error, I think.

O: Yeah, I’ll give you that one. You're right, they were like, “Okay, we know this many are infected, presumably,” and then they made four extra and probably ran out of time, which, fair. Okay, fair. 

S: So they- they made an attempt. 

O: They did. I got to give Jazz and Sparkplug more credit here. And Bluestreak, I guess, he was helping, too. 

S: Yeah. Bee yoinks the uh, remaining attitude adjuster out of Ratchet’s hands and books it on over to Optimus.

O: Optimus is able to fight the control for just long enough for Bee to get the attitude exchanger on him.

S: The Autobots realize they must stop the rocket launch to stop Megatron's plan and Dr. Harding says that it must go into orbit and that earth needs the energy that it'll supply. 

O: Why didn’t the Cons just steal it from orbit?

S: Because they're dumbasses and we've got to have something so, you know, have drama here.

O: Do they not have object permanence? Like, “Oh, we can't see it anymore, it's not there anymore.” 

S: I guess, I don't know they've made so many fucking spaceships at this point that they just have-

O: This shouldn't be a problem! [Wheezes] Hell, Starscream is apparently space worthy! They could have just- I don't know, waited a couple weeks and chucked Starscream into the atmosphere? 

S: I imagine all the Seekers are space worthy. I mean, have we gotten to the episode where Shockwave just rides Starscream in-

O: No, not yet.

S: -in space.

O: No, no, not yet. But- but yeah like we have proof that, at least, Starscream is space worthy and presumably both the other Seekers are, too. 

S: I don't think, shoot. What's-his-face? Astrotrain has come in yet but he's definitely space worthy.

O: Like, yeah, yeah! Fair, fair.

S: And we know Megatron’s space worthy.

O: Oh well, yeah, right! He can fly, why am I arguing with this? 

S: Yes, he can fly and, I mean, we already saw him survive a planet explosion or whatever happened with that.

O: I would still- don't know how that worked but, uh, they all load up into Skyfire again, and head over to the rocket launch.

S: Megatron rips a door off the rocket and the Cons pile in and-

O: That's not gonna cause problems at all here, huh?

S: Oh, it should. I mean, it doesn't mean that it will. 

O: This ship doesn't operate on reality... right.

S: It- Yeah, it ignores so many things.

O: It does. The rocket blasts off and Ratchet and Optimus bail out of Skyfire to land on it.

S: They, um, they're go- they're the go-team, apparently. Where's Wheeljack in this? I feel like Ratchet’s missing his buddy.

O: Wheeljack hasn't been in this entire episode so I have to assume he's taking the Dinobots somewhere, otherwise I'd assume they would have all been smashing stuff up, like with everybody else.

S: At this point, I just think Wheeljack, Perceptor, and Beachcomber took the Dinobots out for some enrichment and missed the whole thing.

O: I mean, probably just so they didn't have to fight the Dinobots uh, is why they're not in here but, uh, yeah, no, I agree with that. That's much nicer. 

S: Yeah, they're all out doing swamp science or something.

O: See, I'm just imagining - they took the Dinobots to the beach.

S: [indistinct]

O: Beachcomber’s with them, right?

S: Yeah.

O: So, they're all on the beach. Uh, Wheeljack is there with whatever a robo pina colada is, uh, Perceptor’s taking sand samples, Beachcomber is corralling the Autobots- er, the- the Dinobots close to shore. It's a very, very heartwarming family vacation. So Ratchet could get a bit of a break, you know, not having to babysit the dinosaurs and then they come back and it's- it's like that gif where the guy walks into the room and everything's on fire. That- that is what Wheeljack came home to- and he's, like, “Probably a good thing I left although, boy, do I hate coming home.” [Laughter] 

S: Yeah, yeah. Meg- Ratchet and Optimus have been trying to separate the rocket and the satellite so Optimus can take it into orbit and Megatron doesn’t like this plan.

O: Nevermind how this rocket is fucking GINORMOUS for some reason because the Cons are so! Tiny! [Laughter] Specs just keeps, like, shrugging in more exaggerated motions, I’m sorry you can’t see it.

S: Yeah. The other Autobots want to help but aren't sure how- with how to do it without hurting Optimus and Ratchet, until Jazz gets an idea, and I wonder what that idea’s gonna be.

O: He gets on the outside of Skyfire and I love Skyfire so much here, he's like, “Watch the first step, it's a doozy,” and, of course, all I can think of is, “Watch the first step, it's a dooooozy!”

S: And then Jazz transforms into car mode, so we have a car... riding a jet. Specifically, a Porsche riding a space jet.

O: I'm pretty sure that Skyfire’s, ah, model or whatever was not big enough to do that in Macross but alright. [Laughter]

S: Who knows? And about that Chekhov's gun or, in this case, Chekov’s speakers.

O: Jazz uses his new sound system to create a musical sonic boom.

S: Jazz weaponized music to take out a rocket.

O: Of course he did. Megatron orders the Cons to, “Abandon rocket!” 

S: Ratchet and Optimus land safely on Skyfire who takes them high enough for Optimus to yeet the satellite into orbit.

O: [Laughter] 

S: Honestly, why don't they just get Brawn to do this? 

O: I- do we even see Brawn? Is Brawn here? I don't remember.

S: I don't know, it's just no- I mean, why don't they just hire out Brawn’s services to toss things into orbit? 

O: [Laughter] Well, or, like, Perceptor. I know he's not in this episode but he's in the next episode as like- I could see Perceptor shooting something into space with an amazing degree of accuracy.

S: That’s true.

O: Probably would take less fuel, too. 

S: Yeah. So, yeah, Optimus yeets the stupid satellite into orbit and it's just goofy as hell. Back at the Ark, Ratchet’s yanked out the personality displacer from the recharge stations.

O: This would not have fucking happened if you had more than two beds! In the entire Ark! 

S: And if they weren't controlled by the same damn thing, like, if you had separate control systems.

O: Right, so you couldn't just shove the thing in Teletraan-1. But! Everyone decides to fight for credit for saving the day.

S: Ratchet has a fit of temper, as he does not want to share and begins to argue with Sparkplug, 

O: “You wouldn’t know a microchip from a potato chip!” The Autobots know what potato chips are.

S: Well, Ratchet does, and presumably Spike has eaten potato chips in Bumblebee so he might have had to deal with-

O: -Crumbs.

S: [Laughter, indistinct] -crumbs!

O: “Hey, Ratchet, I need a good vacuum.” “You need a what!?!” 

S: And we have a total on the number of Air Force jets destroyed by the Autobots. 

O: Jazz says it's 47. 

S: How much is that gonna cost the Autobots, anyway?

O: Nothing! Optimus says Ratchet, Sparkplug are gonna fix them!

S: Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy. Uhhh, I’m not sure they're gonna pass muster for safety tests and Spike says that they're gonna be doing it for weeks.

O: Weeks? Just weeks!?

S: Well, I guess when you have giant alien robots doing all the heavy lifting it's not that bad but rather they shouldn’t be putting those back together, anyway. They should really just make new ones at this point because planes have a lot of safety requirements-

O: Yeeeaaaah.

S: -and stuff. Uh, I don't think anyone's gonna want to be in those planes.

O: I wouldn't blame them and join us next time for episode 27: Microbots! Get ready for a fantastic journey, into Megatron???

S: Oh, it's into a world of imagination.

O: Like nothing you’ve ever seen. Also Perceptor! It is a Perceptor episode and I am delighted.

S: Yessss. 

O: Also fuck Brawn. 

S: And we have some fanfic for today but I think Owls’ gets to be the one to give the recommendations.

O: So, I've mentioned this before, but I have a whole uh, sheet of fics, just in case Specs forgets to do the fics. And Specs forgot to do the fics, so I get to do it today. 

S: A lot- A lot of stuff happened recently.

O: It's been a busy month, guys, it has been so busy. I am so tired. The first recommendation is “Quiet” by LittleMissSweetgrass. Continuity is IDW, the rating is G. It is slash, because it is Cosmos/Soundwave. Our characters are Soundwave and Cosmos, and “Soundwave gets a virus and suddenly it is very loud.” It's a one shot. It is part of a series. It is very short but cute and uh, Coswave is one of my favourite ships ever,  which is why they got added to this because it doesn't exist in G1 and I’m well aware it doesn't exist in G1 so I was, like, look I gotta put ‘em somewhere. 

O: And then our other one is “Here Be Monsters” by Lush_Specimen. Continuity is IDW, it's G, its slash, it has Hoist/Trailcutter, Rodimus/Thunderclash, and uh, Minimus Ambus/Megatron- Our characters are Megatron, Hoist, Rodimus, Thunderclash, Riptide, and Minimus Ambus. In summary, “A late-night visit from Hoist forces Megatron to confront the overwhelming personal tragedies created by his legacy of violence. As he contemplates the long reaching consequences of his words he begins to wonder if he truly deserves a second chance.” This is multi-chapter but it has been completed. Um, it's just kind of nice. I'm always- I'm always here for ah, Lost Light Megatron actually having to think about things and being forced to consider, basically, his actions. So I really like this one.

S: Nice, thank you. And that just about wraps it up for us today. Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned.  You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter @AftersparkPod (all one word), and various other locations by searching for, “Afterspark Podcast,” such as AO3, iTunes, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and Youtube, just to name a few.  Until next time, I'm Specs.

O: And I'm Owls.

S: Toodles!

[Outro Music]

[im-abanana]

-The Demon and The Angel- ch.3

I was inspired, I dunno, don’t even mind me and my author block. Here’s another Fluff/Domestic Bendy x Alice One-Shot.

Summary: If you’re a dancer, pulling a muscle can be the worst thing ever.

AO3 link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12736851/chapters/29507064

-Muscle-

“What? Com’on! It was just an innocent accident Joey, for God’s sake!” Charley kept saying for an entire hour in front of his angry boss, the cartoon’s deep and irritated voice echoing in the empty corridors as his old fellows Barley and Edgar nodded silently without saying a word, to prove their leader’s point. “We didn’t mean to push Bendy against the corner of that chair, but he started the fight! It happens, the fault isn’t ours this time.”. “It’s not true, you did that on purpose! Liars! Mobsters!” Bendy yelled back with a cracked and pissed voice, holding his aching spine with both hands and dropping heavily on his sofa, a sad and desperate pout painted on his round face. “My poor back… assholes.” he concluded, groaning. “Wanker.” the three antagonists replied spitefully, frowning deeply and cracking their knuckles, aggressive. “You want some more, sissy?”. “Stop it, I’ve had enough!” Joey snapped all of the sudden and punched the study table to shut them up, evidently tired of all that screaming and bickering between those four, taking his final decision and huffing. His creations jumped in fear and closed their mouths as they heard the unexpected thud, sitting down and listening to their dad’s scold closely. “Alright guys, first of all I don't care who started the fight, or why it happened in the first place. You all are guilty, and this means that you all are grounded for two weeks.”. At that exact moment, hearing the previous noise and the complaints that followed Joey’s last phrase, the wooden door behind the group’s shoulders swung open and a very confused Alice peeked through it. “What’s happening here? Henry just told me that- oh.” she mumbled and then smirked, spotting The Butcher Gang standing next to Bendy, the little demon pathetically laid on the reddish couch with a contorted expression. “Henry wasn’t lying then, it’s true. You idiots seriously injured each other before an important performance that, I’d like to point that out, takes place in three days. My sincerest compliments, boys.”. “Great, gang: first the demon bitch, now the wingless cunt. Where’s the pussy wolf, uh?” Barley rolled his pitch black orbs and crossed his muscular arms to his hairy chest, clearly not happy to see the fallen angel or pay attention to her sarcastic comments. “Don’t you have anything else to do, Angel? Like, I dunno, go fuck yourself for example?”. “Says the one who’s in trouble. And not really, I’d rather stay here and quietly enjoy the little show you put up for me, especially the part when Joey shames you all.” the beautiful singer of the band lifted an eyebrow with a satisfied motion, calmly sitting down next to her dancing partner and making herself comfortable. “Oh, please Joey, don’t stop reminding them how stupid and irresponsible they are just because I’m here. Don’t mind me, I beg you.”.

“Alice, not you too, please. This is not a joke, and I need your help.” their annoyed creator sank his head between his fingers, groaning out his frustration and explaining his worst worries to the tall girl, to his only beloved daughter, who was definitely the most mature of the toons: “Bendy probably twisted a muscle in his back, and if he can’t dance or even stand in three days max, we’ll be ruined. We should give the money for the tickets back and apologize to the parents, and I don’t want to do that; I know it’s late and you’re tired, I know that you two don’t get along so well, but I’m kindly asking you to prepare him some herb tea and send him to bed. I’ll deal with those three in the meantime.” the man angrily declared, shooting an icy glare to The Butcher Gang. “I hope you understand.”. “I do understand, don’t worry. I can’t say I’m happy about this job, but I’ll do it anyway.” Alice immediately obeyed to her boss’ orders, sighed out and took Bendy in her thin but strong arms, ignoring his enraged protests and trying not to drop him as the demon squirmed wildly. Oh, she wished she could indeed drop and trample over him… “Goodnight, Joey. Fuck you, Charley, Barley and Edgar. See you all tomorrow morning at dawn.” she said before walking outside the busy room and closing the door behind her, heading for Bendy’s private room. “Ehy, hands off, Angel Cake! Let me go! I’m not a kid anymore, and I can walk by myself.” the short devil screamed and kicked the air like a mad horse, offended and in a bad mood because of the stinging pain. “I don’t want some stupid tea, and I won’t go to bed just because you’re ordering me to do so.”. “Honestly Bendy, I couldn’t care less about what you want or not. You don’t want my herb tea? I’ll simply shove it down your fucking throat when it’s still boiling, at least you’ll shut up and won't wake the others that way.” the fallen angel shrugged it off and placed the dancer on his own bed, making sure not to hurt him more despite the intimidating threats. “And if you don’t want to sleep, I’ll just hit your skull with my horns and knock you out for the next… let’s say twenty-four/forty-eight hours. How does it sound, my dear?”. “… on second thought babe, tea and nap sound nice. But I prefer lemon tea.”. “That can be arranged.” Alice happily agreed to those terms with a sly grin, satisfied and proud of herself, as she opened the thick door before her.

“Ehy toots, back off this second!” Bendy cried out in pure terror as his elegant jacket was quickly removed and tossed away by force, detail that made him feel terribly exposed as his naked chest brushed against the greenish blankets that covered the comfortable mattress. He tried to jump off the bed and run away despite the ache, but found that option unattainable when Alice gently sat down on his spine, her greater weight blocking the thin cartoon. “No! Don’t touch my back, you’re gonna make it worse!”. “Trust me Bendy, I know what I’m doing. I might not be a dancer like you or a doctor, but I sprained a lot of back muscles as we moved into the new studio.” Alice patiently explained and pinned the boy down without any effort, her smaller thumbs energetically pressing against his dark skin and working around and on the knot, trying to loose it and ease the pain at the same time. She also kept a close eye on the water on the stove as she eased his pain: the most incredible thing about their rooms was that they looked like small houses, provided with a bathroom, a small kitchen and even a sort of living room. Being a star surely had its advantages. “And I never complained about it, not even once. I guess I’m stronger.”. Feeling the young woman’s fingertips massaging the sore spot with such care and self-assurance forced the small demon to let out a quiet and relaxed moan, and his blurred mind barely registered what the black haired girl just said. The tension and irritation disappeared all of the sudden, and every single fiber of his previously tense body fell limp under her lovely touch. The boy asked in hilarious submission: “W-what do you mean with that, toots? Joey and Henry did all the work when we moved here… right?”. “Wrong. Do you really think they could transport and place all the boxes, stuff and furniture around all by themselves? No, not at all. Without me and Boris the process would have been much more complicated and long. We worked as a team, as the family that we are.” the horned angel explained in composed silence, putting more strength in her precise and careful movements and pressing deeper, earning another content yelp from her calm partner. That sound made her smile a little, but the slight frown carved on her slim visage showed how concentrated she internally was: Alice knew that a single imprecise touch could damage the musculature even more, so attention and composure were the key words. “You and The Butcher Gang are the lazy ones here, that’s for sure. You don’t like working or helping the creators and the crew, I get that, but at least try not to cause any trouble or get into those violent fights ever again. Now you have a sprained muscle, and that’s bad enough for a dancer, but next time you could find yourself with a broken bone or worse, a concussion.” the stunning cartoon sadly sighed out and deeply stared into his guilty eyes, severe, sweet but assertive, almost like a maternal figure. “Don’t make things more difficult for Joey and me. It’s tough enough as it is, we don’t need other problems because of your egoism.”. The last and cold sentence hit and slaughtered Bendy’s soul to its very core, forcing the demon to look away and rest his face against the soft pillows, in pure defeat and inner humiliation. “Who am I kidding? It’s true, everything she said is true.”, deep inside the star of the show knew there was a ring of truth in those words, and that hurt. It hurt like Hell. “Alice is right. We always say that we’re independent adults, but at the end we behave like brats.”.

A respectful silence filled the room as a thousand thoughts and faults invaded the devil’s mind, the only sound the fallen angel could clearly hear was the wall clock ticking, gradual and inexorable. “Are you ok, Bendy?” Alice questioned when she counted at least five hundred ticks, tilting her neck and watching her co-worker with puzzled eyes; that kind of behavior wasn’t like him, she knew that cartoon too well to fall for it. “You’re oddly silent tonight.”. The black demon snapped out of that state of trance and shook his big head with vigor, struggling to hide his worries and speak up: “I’m just… thinking.”. “About what?”. “About stuff.”. “Could you be a little more specific, pray tell?” the raven-haired girl groaned a bit and crossed her arms, interrupting the relaxing massage and waiting for him to open up and confess what was evidently torturing his conscience. “There’s something wrong with you, you wouldn’t just shut up for entire minutes. Not that I’m complaining, but you know… I’m here to listen.”. “Oh, for Satan’s sake Alice, stop it! Leave me alone!” Bendy literally boomed at that point, feeling enraged and defensive, a visible grey blush covering his cheeks as the inky blood pumped in his veins. “Why do you care so much?”. Blinking a couple of times in confusion and disorientation, Alice replied to that nasty question with spontaneity and slight rage, standing up and yelling her answer right in his face: “Because I care about you!”. Boom, crash and burn. “Well, I do not… I…” the little demon opened his mouth and pointed an accusing finger at Alice, ready to shout back without even thinking, to insult the singer or at least preserve his dignity, but he immediately perceived his own artificial heart sink deeply in the middle of his chest and his throat dry up, like a river during a hot summer day. But worst, he felt shit about himself; everytime something went horribly wrong, someone scolded him for something he did, or even when he fucked things up, Bendy always found a way to blame someone else for his mistakes. The Butcher Gang? No, the pride was probably his worst enemy. “I’m sorry, Alice. I was unfair to you while you only wanted to help me.” Bendy whispered sadly as he realized how much of a dick he had been, staring at his knees and nervously playing with his moving and pointy tail, avoiding eye contact. “I’ll try to do better.”. “No, don’t try to do better.” the fallen angel wisely declared and forcefully grabbed both sides of his round head, turning it and literally forcing her amazed co-worker to stare into her serious pitch black irises. “You have to do better. You can do better than this, than fighting all day and cause trouble. You’re the protagonist, our leader, and we all look up to you.” she forced a tiny smile and gently caressed his left cheek as her delicate traits appeared sweeter, more sympathetic. “We all count on you, Bendy. Don’t let us down, please. I believe in you.”. We count on you, Bendy. Don’t let us down, please. I believe in you.

“Well… it’s pretty late, here’s the lemon tea you requested, big baby. Drink it before it gets too cold.” Alice smirked smugly and offered a white, piping cup to the demon, helping him up and covering his tired form with scented sheets and thick blankets, making sure he was warm and comfortable enough for the entire night. “Try to get some rest and don’t move around too much, your muscles need a break. A long break.” the fallen angel laughed mercilessly and ignored his still reflecting expression, scratching her nape and stirring as she was done preparing her injured partner’s refined bed. “If you need something or if you’re simply bored, just punch the wall beside you or talk to yourself for a while. Your voice is so damn annoying that I will surely hear it from my room.”. Despite her sincere words were still echoing in the short demon’s mind, and they’d probably keep doing it during the whole night, he managed to take the joke and grin. “Very funny, toots! You know, you surprise me, teasing your own boss, who’s even suffering, is a risky move indeed.” Bendy snickered back in front of the young woman’s audacity, admiring the brazen singer as he was admiring the most beautiful and breathtaking masterpiece inside an art museum. “Sometimes I forget who’s the devil and who’s the angel, here.”. “Look again, Bendy. Maybe I’m both, and maybe I’m not as generous or kind as I look.” Alice promptly stood up and winked endearingly, pointing at her curved horns and shiny halo with a tapered finger. “Don’t ever forget it.”. “Oh, I wouldn’t, toots.” Bendy shrugged it off, playful and grateful. “I wouldn’t.”.