#are you exploring aspects of their personality that are hinted at but suppressed in their natural habitat

[antirepurp]

the unfortunate state of sonic cartoons where everything from the 90s looks Like That and even if one of them has a supposedly interesting premise the aesthetic repels me, sonic x has chris and a pacing that iirc was the main reason i ended up dropping it, boom exists to be funny and while it accomplishes that goal and is an enjoyable watch it isn't terribly compelling beyond that and fun aesthetics, and prime is multiverse slop that i would not be able to digest even if i tried to. like you'd think they could do more with a furry guy who oozes the dictionary definition of cool and yet

[saraunailyqistfarees]

"LOVE BITE",4'6"x3'2" By Laurie Lipton

Laurie Lipton, an artist from Los Angeles, creates intricate, large-scale drawings solely using pencil and charcoal. Her work delves into the darker aspects of human nature, exploring unthinkable images lurking in the subconscious, including her personal experiences as a woman.

Terry Gilliam, who was interviewed in the Love Bite documentary Love Bite: Laurie Lipton and Her Disturbing Black & White, said, "What she’s dealing with is what everybody has inside them in one form or another, and probably most people are frightened to recognize it. You put it down in the basement and keep the trap door shut." This observation leads to the notion that women, due to societal norms, often suppress their emotions and experiences. Throughout history, societal expectations have pressured women to embody nurturing and self-sacrificing roles. Additionally, women frequently face the suppression of their voices, fearing consequences when expressing genuine emotions or opinions.

"Laurie Lipton's "Love Bite,” a detailed charcoal drawing measuring 4'6"x3'2", captivates with its intricate features—hair strands, wrinkles, nails, veins, and texture. The close-up of a woman's face reveals wide-open eyes with an intense gaze against a white background, adorned with swirling hair patterns and dark, dramatic shading. In a compelling twist, the woman, appearing ready to bite into an apple, cradles a baby instead. While the artwork has drawn comparisons to Francisco Goya’s “Saturn Devouring His Son,” the two pieces convey distinct messages."

"Love Bite" delves into the emotional and psychological complexity of womanhood. The title holds metaphorical significance, suggesting emotional scars left by love, symbolizing the highs, lows, and complexities of deep emotional connections. The woman's intense gaze reflects a profound engagement with her emotions.

Her direct gaze and overall composition convey agency and inner strength, yet the white background and tangled elements hint at vulnerability, blending fragility and power. The artwork explores a woman navigating the feminine experience, scrutinizing how women negotiate the emotional landscape. The strength in the woman's gaze resonates with the depth of her emotional experiences.

Despite its impact, some find the drawing unsettling. James Scott, the documentary director, shares that he refrains from displaying "Love Bite" due to audience discomfort, highlighting the drawing's powerful effect when portraying a woman as the subject.

“I’m isolated. I’m in my head. I’m on this piece of paper. And what goes in between me and the paper... everything comes into my play, my entire life.”

Lipton challenges the stereotype prescribing that women must suppress their emotions, utilizing art as a medium to express herself and cope with trauma. This statement suggests a personal connection, as she embeds aspects of herself into each drawing. Despite her artistic intent, negative comments expressing discomfort with the drawing's disturbing nature reveal societal reluctance to embrace unconventional forms of expression. This reaction is disheartening, considering Lipton's drawings serve as a means for her to communicate and process her emotions."

One of the platforms where we can see negative comments on the art is:

"LOVE BITE",4'6"x3'2", charcoal&pencil on... - Arts, Artists, Artwork | Facebook

“My father gave me radiograph pens when I was about nine or ten. And I used to take my little book into school with me and just draw. There’s a very hurt child in all my work. very alone, very confused, and out of it. And she is still in me.”

When Lipton was 5, she experienced a deeply disturbing incident that was to colour her whole life—or perhaps one should say to remove the colour from her whole life. Lipton was the victim of a horrific kidnapping. The man who kidnapped her just recently escaped from an insane asylum, and before her, he had molested two other children.

Lipton states, "It's just one crazy incident. One accident between this man and me That changed my entire life and perception because suddenly reality shifted. It jet-propelled me to the outside. My mother turned into something else. My life turned into something else. People were dangerous. Stuff was incomprehensible. Before then, I was fearless. I was fearless. And it made me an artist.

“I know this sounds very bizarre, but I’m grateful for it. I'm not grateful for the fact that this little girl suffered. I suffered. Little Laurie suffered. I’m very grateful. It’s odd, isn’t it? You never know. You never know what kind of gift comes out of suffering. You never know.”

This incident led Laurie Lipton to develop a distinctive style of macabre black-and-white drawings, defining her prolific body of work. For Lipton, black and white symbolizes the color of ghosts, old TV shows, and memories like family photographs—an embodiment of the past, longing, and thought.

The artist stands out with surrealistic images and symbols that entertain the life-and-death cycle by emphasizing death themes. These themes emerged after her mother's passing. The consequences of the woman's actions in the drawing hint at the overarching theme of death.

In essence, the artwork portrays a woman undergoing and absorbing horrific experiences, ultimately shaping her into a person of strength. The heart-shaped earring and nails symbolize the center of emotion, suggesting a universal connection to every woman who has faced challenges, consumed difficulties, and emerged stronger.

“I’m very grateful. It’s odd, isn’t it? You never know. You never know what kind of gift comes out of suffering. You never know.”

-Laurie Lipton

SOURCES

BATUR ÇAY, Meral. “Sürreali̇st Ressam Lauri̇e li̇pton’un resi̇mleri̇ndeki̇ Semboller.” İnönü Üniversitesi Kültür ve Sanat Dergisi, vol. 7, no. 2, 2021, pp. 238–248, https://doi.org/10.22252/ijca.1029513.

Chaplin, Tara M. “Gender and Emotion Expression: A Developmental Contextual Perspective.” Emotion Review : Journal of the International Society for Research on Emotion, U.S. National Library of Medicine, Jan. 2015, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4469291/#R15.

Scott, James, director. Love Bite: Laurie Lipton and Her Disturbing Black & White Drawings. Vimeo, https://vimeo.com/356729842. Accessed 29 Nov. 2023.

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

i've been exploring chatgpt (my horror, my nightmare, my nemesis, my reason for giving up) lately because it was getting a lot of attention at work, and what really astounds me about it is that when you tell it to put supporting quotations in, it just fully makes stuff up. the supporting evidence is literally!!!!! fake!!!!!!!

for example, i just told it to write me this essay: Write a 500 word essay explaining why Gerri Kellman from Succession is in love with Roman Roy. Include four supporting quotations from the show.

... and it spat up this pack of lies! also, chatgpt is not good at writing succession dialogue!

disclaimer: okay, admittedly, except for "you know, i wish i was allowed to have desires." i would pay one zillion dollars to hear jsc drop that one on us as gerri. it is not amazing writing, but it is made to be said in her dulcet tones and immortalized in 1000 gifsets.

A FAKE ESSAY BY THE EVIL INTERNET ABOUT ROMANGERRI

Title: The Complex Affection: Gerri Kellman's Love for Roman Roy in Succession

Introduction

"Succession," the critically acclaimed television series, intricately weaves a web of power dynamics, family struggles, and intricate relationships within the Roy family. Among the myriad of characters, the relationship between Gerri Kellman and Roman Roy stands out as a compelling example of unexpected affection. Gerri's unspoken and complex love for Roman is subtly portrayed throughout the show, revealing a unique connection that transcends the conventional boundaries of power and status. This essay delves into the reasons behind Gerri's affection for Roman, supported by key quotations from the show.

Shared Vulnerability and Wit

Gerri and Roman's dynamic is characterized by a shared vulnerability that draws them closer together. Gerri finds herself attracted to Roman's quick wit and sarcastic humor, which provide moments of genuine connection amid the often tense family environment. In Season 2, Episode 8, Gerri remarks, "You’re very charming and funny, but it’s a defense mechanism. So, you’re very guarded too." This quote highlights her perceptive understanding of Roman's emotional armor and hints at her admiration for his protective facade. This shared insight into each other's vulnerabilities creates a bond that goes beyond the surface.

Emotional Support and Trust

As the show unfolds, Gerri becomes a trusted confidante for Roman, offering emotional support and understanding that he struggles to find within his family. In Season 1, Episode 7, Roman confesses to Gerri, "Sometimes, I feel like I can only really talk to you." Gerri's role as a sympathetic listener and her ability to provide Roman with a safe space for his emotions showcase her genuine affection for him. This level of trust and emotional intimacy further deepens their relationship.

Challenging Status Quo

Gerri's love for Roman is not just about affection; it challenges the Roy family's established power dynamics. Gerri, as General Counsel of Waystar Royco, occupies a significant position, yet her feelings for Roman disrupt the conventional boundaries of power and social status. In Season 2, Episode 3, she admits to Roman, "You’re the one Roy that doesn’t take advantage of me." This confession underscores the unorthodox nature of their connection and suggests that Roman's treatment of her is one of the reasons she's drawn to him.

Unfulfilled Desires

Throughout the series, Gerri's unfulfilled desires and the limitations of her personal life come to the forefront. In Season 1, Episode 3, she tells Roman, "You know, I wish I was allowed to have desires." This line reflects her suppressed longings and suggests that Roman, with his reckless demeanor, represents a certain freedom and indulgence that she craves. Her affection for him might stem from his embodiment of the boldness she feels constrained from pursuing.

Conclusion

Gerri Kellman's love for Roman Roy in "Succession" is a multifaceted and compelling aspect of the show's intricate character dynamics. Their shared vulnerability, emotional support, challenge to the status quo, and unfulfilled desires all contribute to the complexity of their relationship. Gerri's affection for Roman transcends the boundaries of power and social norms, providing a unique lens through which to examine the characters and their motivations. As the series continues to captivate audiences, the intricate dynamics between characters like Gerri and Roman continue to illuminate the human complexities that lie beneath the surface of wealth and power.

[ladyzerodark]

So, Shadow Beasts. How do they work? Are they independent creatures a la Digimon with partners? Manifestations of a person's psyche conjured with a special type of magic? Or is there some greater force behind them?

Honestly? They're a bit of mix of all three.

I had to hunt around for a document I had written up about them (which is why it took so long to answer) but despite me not touching it since 2013, the information is still pretty much the same!

Apologies for this wall of text and if it sounds a little dramatic. I think I was trying to make it seem like a legit scientific study when I wrote it. I am taking out some parts that were just fluff though.

"Shadow Beasts are creatures formed of a human’s will to change itself.

In psychology, particularly Jungian Psychology, the Shadow is a part of the inner workings of the mind, along with the Anima/Animus, Self and other Jungian Archetypes. The Shadow contains suppressed and/or repressed aspects of the person’s personality. Depending on how you look at it, this Shadow could have good and/or bad traits. The bad traits are those that the person refuses to accept as a part of himself or herself. The good traits are those that the person has yet to find in themselves.

Shadows Beasts are similar to the Shadow of the mind, and some consider them to be the physical manifestation. However this is not 100% correct. Shadows Beasts represent two aspects of their wielder’s personality: Something they desire and something they need to learn."

Let's use Dark and her main Shadow Beast, Marciano, as an example. One of Dark’s desires is to have a strong presence in her life, someone she can look up to and help her grow and one thing she needed to learn is how to teach others. Marciano, while not originally her Beast, was first summoned to a home where his wielder was the father of a new child, but was unprepared for it. The presence of Marciano allowed him to grow both as a father and a person. When he was given to Dark, Marciano was almost forced into a world where he needed to interact with more humans than he’s used to. This gave Dark the opportunity to teach him about humanity and how to interact with them. These ended up being exactly what she needed: a strong presence and someone to teach.

The creation of the Shadow Beasts varies on the type. The two types are Shadow Borne and Shadow Forged.

Borne are the Shadow Beasts that were born of other beasts. Marciano is an example of this, as his mother is the Shadow Beast called Moira. So in that sense they are beings separate from the mind of their wielder but a higher power does still connect them to where they need to go, again, like Marciano finding Dark.

Forged are Shadows Beasts created by the wielder themselves. Sometimes it’s accidental, other times they do so on purpose. There is a being called the Master Shadow, the first Shadow Beast, that was made a very long time ago by a demi-goddess with high darkness affinity but is still around today, going from wielder to wielder.

Most Beasts, regardless of how they were created, are very long lived, the Master Shadow being the oldest, and can have multiple wielders within their lifetime, regardless of the type they are (though Forged tend to stick closer to the soul of the wielder than Borne). It should also be noted that depending on how powerful the wielder's affinity for shadow magic is, they can have multiple Beasts partnered up with them. Dark, due to her powerful affinity, has multiple partner Beasts, though Marciano is considered her main partner. There is a third way to create one, one very recently discovered, but that will be explored in the story more. I have hinted at it in the memes, but only once or twice. Now, I assume these questions also have to do with Orion and how his shadow beast became the way it was. In his case, his Beast was a Forged, therefore VERY, VERY close to his psyche. Because of how badly his personality warped due to his obsessions, it caused the Beast to lose many of it unique aspects, turning it more into a tool than a living being. It became another obsession of his to make every wielder have a Beast like him, so all of the younger wielders he manipulated had Forged Beasts rather than Borne. Unlike Orion's, because their wielders are being manipulated, most of these beasts were able to keep a core part of their personality, "Protect their wielder". And like with all living beings, it is possible for a Shadow Beast to die, though it is very difficult to kill them. In Kaiya's, the little girl found by Dark in that one comic I did, case, her beast used up all his energy to keep her alive, after the experiments that Stoica and Orion put her through. I would say the closest feeling to losing a Beast would be feeling as though you've lost the closest person to you and you feel as though there is a massive hole in your heart where they were. It is traumatizing, and there are a few that have gone through it: Kaiya, Priti and Rezar being a few named examples. Should they wish, they can try to form a bond with a Borne Beast, but they would be unable to form another Forged. Priti is, so far, the only one who decided to find another beast; Rezar decided it was too much for him. Ah! I should also note that most wielders know each other, as there are only a few teachers of shadow magic; Orion and Dark studied under the wielders Sakina and Qinlia, for example.

Oh and aside from maybe, like, four or five, most Beasts, Forged or Borne, have a name starting with M. I honestly do not remember, nor can I find, a reason for it but eh, it's been years since I first made them so it's on me for not keeping track.

I'm still toying around with some ideas as to how they work in the Shadow Robot Wars AU canon, but that's pretty much the sum of it.

Sorry again for the wall of text!

[ddarker-dreams]

Yan Diluc, Childe, and Venti HCs.

i’ve been into genshin impact the past month so it was just inevitable at this point

Diluc:

Diluc’s descent into obsession would be a slow one, characterized by doubt and distancing. He’s journeyed the world, exploring the darkest corners, coming out a different person for it. Change doesn’t always mean improvement. Underneath a carefully crafted façade of composure, is the fear that he’ll lose you too. 

His mind becomes a battleground, logic versus emotion. Diluc is aware of what his impulses mean, that it’s immoral, and how he shouldn’t entertain them any longer. Entangling himself in a romantic relationship would serve no practical purpose. He tells himself this, unable to look away when you’re in the room. His thoughts don’t align with his actions. 

Diluc is mindful of his actions and surveillance of you. He can’t get too close -- not yet -- while there are still people who’d seek to hurt him by any means necessary. So for now, he contents himself in making small but meaningful contributions to your life. 

Not one to flaunt his wealth openly, Diluc would be surprised how much of a crutch it becomes in his pursuit of you. Mysterious gifts from an unknown admirer become the norm in your life. He’s displeased with himself at first, but being as inexperienced in courting as he is, it feels like a good place to start.

Your interactions are curt yet pleasant. When Diluc isn’t working, he tends to avoid people but is always open to discussion with you. He allows you to carry the conversation, asking open-ended questions with the hopes of learning more. Any troubles in your life that you share with Diluc will seemingly disappear overnight. 

The only time he’d ever take drastic action is if you were somehow in danger. That’d be a tipping point, one he’d never bounce back from, crazed at the idea of you being harmed. What he ultimately will depend on you. Should you welcome Diluc into your life, under the guise of keeping you safe, all will seem well on a surface level. 

It’s when you refuse the limitations he “suggests” following your life-threatening encounter, that Diluc changes his methodology. He’ll explain, in a calm voice, that your physical well-being will come before your happiness.  

Childe:

Childe, while not malicious for the sake of it, has shown he’s willing to accomplish his morally ambiguous goals by any means. This means that nothing in the pursuit of winning you over his off the table. Bribing, intimidation, kidnapping; whatever it takes is his motto. 

He’ll initiate a give and take relationship to ensnare you. The phrase “too good to be true”, is evident with Childe. You don’t meet the standards for a loan with the bank? Oh, you poor thing, leave it all to him; he promises to take care of everything. Childe disguises himself as your savior when in reality, he’s anything but altruistic. There comes a time where the debt will be repaid. 

It won’t come down crashing down at you at once. No, it’ll be a slow yet steady plan to trap you, and an effective one. Childe will hint at suggestions on how to keep him on your good side. That he’s done oh so much for you, more than anyone else would. Why not give him a chance? 

If you deny him what he wants outright, you won’t see the consequences immediately. Childe will sigh, muttering something about how unfortunate your decision is, but that he thinks he can change your mind eventually. All said with a tight-lipped smile. 

That’s when you feel the ripples in the water. Any business that you’re associated with will be met with fierce competition from the Fatui, rendering them obsolete. This extends to your family as well, financial pressure unrelenting from all sides, a clear agitator in your mind. 

You know it’s Childe. He knows that you know. And god, if he doesn’t love every second of it, watching how you’re forced to come crawling back to him. Or maybe he’ll pay you a visit, under the pretense of checking in. Whatever the case may be, you’re presented with a single out. Devote your life to him as he has his to yours. 

Childe promises you, that all will be forgiven, that he’s willing to put it in the past. So don’t look at him like that, he is being more generous with you than he would be anyone else. Don’t test that benevolence any longer. Giving yourself to him isn’t an unreasonable request, he assures. 

Venti: 

Venti isn’t held back by rules and obligations like most. He does what interests him, whether it be traveling or recounting legends to captivated crowds. Trivial matters, or more precisely, human matters such as love were never given credence. This leads him to be unsure of his approach to you. 

He plays it as naturally as he can. Venti makes random appearances in your life, popping up at the most opportune times, intent on seeking out your company. Even if you’re busy, he’ll still be by to chat you up. There’s no ridding yourself of him. Venti is everywhere you are. 

You might be left with the impression that he knows more than he lets on. That beneath the carefree smiles and singing, there’s ancient wisdom being drawn from. Venti knows a little too much -- more than any man could -- and doesn’t seem to care much that you pick up on it. If anything, he hopes that it’ll impress you. 

Venti believes that the winds will lead you to him. Even if it’s just for a moment, he omits the knowledge of how immoral this is from his mind, guiding you on a path with a single destination. Venti reassures himself that such minor interference on his behalf is trivial. 

Venti’s surprised by much he enjoys physical contact. Even if it’s just resting his head against your shoulder, it’s thrilling, unlike anything he’s experienced before. He has numerous methods of getting information on you, but none can compete with the pleasure of close physical proximity. He’s very touchy, shrugging it off should you ever point it out.

When he can no longer suppress his obsession with you, it bleeds into every aspect of his life. Venti’s lyrics and ballads will consist solely of love stories, a stark change in tone from his normal adventure-based narratives. Some might gather that the young bard himself fell in love by how personal the stories sound. 

One thing’s for certain, Venti will remain ever-present in your life, no matter what measures you take. Mondstadt and beyond, the winds will always bring you back to him. He’s more than happy to remind you of this with a thrilled tone. That it’ll be far less painful should you cave to his whims. 

[bestialchorus]

The Invisible String- Chapter 5 (Final)

You feverishly kiss Donna back while rushing into the hallway, your grip tightens as she pulls you flush against her. To think, just hours earlier a simple grazing of skin burned your flesh like acid. But now you eagerly embrace each other’s desperate desire, welcoming all that was originally hidden in the darkness as it rises to the surface. You never could have predicted the woman returning your feelings, let alone with such vigor. You’ve only kissed and yet, Donna kisses you as if she’s trying to express something that cannot be said through words, speaking a language only possible through love and lust. Every touch is making it harder for you to keep your composure.

For a split second you think about heading to Donna’s room, only to quickly abandon the idea once you remember it’s full of dolls. You assume it best for all parties if you were away from prying eyes. The only witness to your passions is the grandfather clock you run by as you awkwardly enter your room, shutting the door behind you with a kick of your foot, your hands much too preoccupied to help.

Brilliant rays of sunlight shine into your window, illuminating the cozy room you’ve been occupying for the past year.

The bed dips under Donna as you lower her as gently as you can despite the haste in your movement. But the dollmaker has no intention of separating, you smile as she brings you down with her, bracing your hands on either side of her head. The plush bed anchors you as reality begins to melt away, all that exists is Donna and the little sounds of pleasure she exudes as you kiss her harder….but you want more, no, you needmore.

Donna almost protests when she feels your lips leave hers, only to release a small sigh once you start peppering kisses along her jawline. Already she feels slightly delirious, slowly catching her breath as you lovingly mark her skin and mark her you do. Donna cradles your face as you trial down her neck, softly gasping as you start to leave a hickey, her alabaster skin quickly bruises. The sensation is new for her but hardly an unwelcome one as she feels her core pulse, her body embracing, no, aching, for more. Warmth plagues her skin, making her head feel heavy as her physical desires start to take over. You make your way back to her lips, lightly nipping at her skin, leaving as many “signs” of your love as you can. You selfishly want to let the world know she is yours and you are hers. It’s primitive and a bit animalistic but you can’t help it, there’s something about the woman with veil trying to hold back her erotic sounds as you make her yours that brings out another side of you. The image of her snowy skin turning pinker as every touch overwhelms her is almost intoxicating.

When you finally pull away, heavy breathing fills the air as you admire each other. Her hair is sprayed across the sheets, finally free, crowning her with a dark halo. The image reminds you of the angels you’ve see on stained glass windows, appropriate considering you wish to worship her in every sense of the word. Her gaze locks onto yours, her eye is completely black now, like a void calling for you to get lost within it once more.

Donna places a hand on your cheek, worry evident on her face as her voice brings you back.

“Are you okay, Y/N? Is something wrong?”

You must have been staring at her longer than you realized.

You lightly shake your head, taking a few seconds to look down at her, REALLY look at her before answering. “You’re just……so beautiful, Donna.” You say with a breathy whisper, almost in disbelief of her existence.

Surprise flashes over her face for a few seconds, clearly not expecting such a response. Donna avoids your gaze as her cheeks flare up, her demeanor shrinks as she speaks.

“You just…..you’ve always just been too nice to me, Y/N.” She softly retorts, trying to find the hidden meaning behind your statement. *You don’t have to lie to me, I know what I look like*- she thinks, her expression riddled with insecurity and doubt.

Your eyes slightly narrow as you study her, gaze lingering as you try to process her statement, your expression unreadable as various emotions fill you. It pains you to think Donna believes you taking her bed is you simply being “nice”. But you know addressing a lifetime of anxieties isn’t exactly the best kind of pillow talk, nor is it something that can be helped overnight. But there is something you can do, right here in this moment; you can try to convince her, to show her your feelings go beyond “nice”.

The woman catches something flash over your eyes, but what exactly she can’t pinpoint. You ever so slightly bite your lip as you look away for a second before returning to her.

“I’m glad you think me kind, my love-“ You say while leaning down, your hair framing her face.

*my love* The term of endearment makes her heart skip a beat.

“..but it seems I’ve failed to properly show you how I really feel about you…” The bed creaks under you as you place a knee between her legs, the sudden pressure makes her gulp.

Your gaze locks onto her, “but I think I know how to convince you.” You finish with a low whisper, pressing your leg further against her. Donna loudly whimpers in response, quickly covering her mouth in embarrassment as she feels another pulse ripple through her core. Your own cheeks warm up from how erotic you find the sound…but you can’t help but want to hear more.

You gently remove her hand and give her a chaste kiss, her lips try to follow you as you pull away, wanting to explore your mouth once again.

“You sound as beautiful as you look.” You again overwhelm her with your words alone, your deep stare only adding to their meaning. Though you see disbelief in her eye- she doesn’t look away this time, almost as if this is her way of “compromising”.

You take your time as you lean back, bed creaking from the shift in weight as you straddle the woman, your gazes locked onto each other. Donna looks up at you, gulping as your stare doesn’t waver, instead, noticing your hand slowly start to reach towards her dress. Anticipation fills her veins as you inch closer. But right as you’re about to reach the buttons over her chest, you stop and hover for a bit before pulling back. Donna tries to suppress the anxiety that tells her “you’ve come to your senses” about wanting the one-eyed mutant. She instead tries to decipher the idea that flashes over your eyes. You catch the woman off guard, suddenly ripping your own outfit off with visible determination. You throw the clothing behind you with little care, showing no acknowledgement as it hits the floor.  

You think it may be more comfortable for the dollmaker if you were naked first…and by the way she looks at you, you may be right.

Donna’s eye travels over your figure as sunlight highlights every detail. She looks up at you with what can only be described as awe, as if she was looking at an ethereal being for the first time. You never thought much of your body.  But Donna’s expression says otherwise; for there is admiration there, mixed in with something you know too well, hunger.

“Y/N… you’re perfect.” She says earnestly and you can’t help but bashfully look away for a second as a crimson hue emerges over your face. She simply responds with a doting smile as it truly wasn’t her purpose to embarrass you, but she can’t help but adore every aspect of you, physical and all.

*Geez, for someone with little social skills she sure knows to make a girl blush.*  You think while scratching the back of your head.

You try to regain your composure through a joke, “I’m sure you say that to all the girls, Mistress Beneviento.” Your voice low and coy.

Unfortunately, Donna refuses to let you recover, continuing to rattle your composure…all without even trying.

“You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted.”

She says without missing a beat. Her expression is as determined as it is loving, the seriousness behind the statement makes your heart race.

Oh, how you could write poems, novels, of how this moment sets your heart ablaze. How your love for this woman could be read as sermons of worship for those looking for the meaning of life, for you’ve found it in the face that looks back at you…but right now you can’t, for your mind is only full of static. Something is taking over, something more….animalistic. The heat you’ve felt late within the night as you dreamed of this woman is nothing compared to the flames that fill you now. Hell has awakened within you and it’s taking over…

Donna takes notice of how your breathing has quickened. You look down at her like a beast who has cornered its prey, she’s ashamed to admit that it excites her. Her gaze tells you to take her, to satiate your hunger and to not look back…so you do.

You capture her lips in a fevering kiss, running your hands down her dress. She quietly whimpers as she feels you begin to gently massage her chest through the heavy fabric. The pressure sparks heat between her legs, making it harder for her to kiss you as she moans against your mouth. Donna throws her arms over your shoulders as you deepen the kiss, anchoring herself as your tongue explores her.

The temperature in the room rises as Donna starts to realize just how sensitive she is, quickly becoming overwhelmed as your hands travel over her body. The dollmaker’s dress starts to feel tighter the more her arousal begins to grow. The offending fabric suddenly feels too heavy, almost suffocating as she aches for your touch against her skin.

Eventually your hands graze over the buttons on her collar once again, Donna holds you there with a fierce grip. The gesture makes you break the kiss, you look down at her in a slight daze. You’re met with a flushed Donna, her pale skin now wearing a prominent blush. The woman’s gaze travels down your body, taking her time before quickly flickering back towards her hands, squeezing tighter as she tries to tell you what she needs. You take the hint and begin undoing the first button, gently addressing her.

“Are you sure? There’s no rush.” You say with a slight shake to your head, looking to her for consent.

Normally Donna loves your patience but not now, not when she feels as if she could combust at any moment.

“Please, Y/N. Please don’t stop.” She pleads with a rasp to her voice, looking up at you with desperation. The image makes your cheeks burn, creating heat between your legs.

You lower yourself back down to her, matching her whisper. “Okay…” You claim her lips once again, “okay..”

Donna’s grip instantly loosens as you taste her again, hands surrendering as she feels you unbutton the rest of her dress. Your heart drums against your chest as you undo the final button, leaning back as you gently help the woman maneuver out of the outfit, finally removing it and her underwear with it. You toss the articles of clothing to the side, the fabrics gently smack against the floor.

Your eyes fall onto the woman before you. Donna sits on her knees; hands covering her chest as goosebumps naturally form over her newly bare skin. She wears a bashful look, trying not to retreat as your gaze travels over her. You notice the occasional patch of mutation over the right side of her body, very similar to her eye. But just like the rest of her face, the rest of her body is equally porcelain in nature. Everything about it is just so……perfectly Donna. You cup her face and softly smile at her.

“Thank you for trusting me…” You whisper while lightly caressing your thumbs over her cheeks. The woman hangs off your every word, taking in all of you as you take in all of her.

“Thank you for letting me see you…..but now I want to show you how beautiful I find you.”

Your words make her heartbeat quicker.

You position yourself behind her, brushing her hair away over a shoulder as your lips meet the back her neck. She relaxes under your touch, exposing more of her skin to you as she leans into your kisses. A sigh escapes Donna as she feels your hands trace over her the outline of her shoulders, lightly grazing over her skin with the pads of your fingertips, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Your amazed of how smooth she feels; even the bumps of her mutation feel almost inhumanely soft. Her skin feels less like skin and something more akin to satin.

“My gods, Donna..” You rest your head on top of her shoulder, looking down as you watch your hands makes their way towards her chest, slowly caressing up her body.  

“You’re so soft.” You coo against her ear as you cup her breasts, making a shiver run down the dollmaker’s spine. Donna feels heat pool in her core as you massage her chest, quicky losing clarity as you lovingly fondle her. She moans, slightly squirming as she feels your fingers delicately claim her nipples, rubbing them between your index and thumb. To no surprise, your Mistress is quite sensitive, the nerves in her body ignite as her peaks pebble between your fingers. Her heavy breathing arouses you, making you release a shaky breath against her ear as your eyes shut for a moment. The sensation has her desperately seek your lips once again, turning her face towards with you with a silent plea.

Your mouths meet and her lips burn your flesh. Her moans fill you as her hands suddenly cover yours. Donna slightly keels over as your lips claim her shoulders, bed creaking under your weight as you singe her skin with more hickeys. Your dominate begins to hand glide down her body, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. You only have two hands and yet it’s becoming harder for the dark-haired woman to pinpoint where exactly she begins, and where you end. With every passing second your bodies blend more into each other, becoming one as your desires finally meet.

Donna takes a breath in as the tips of your fingers inch towards her sex, biting her lip in anticipation as you move a bit too slow for her.

“Please…” she rasps, already lightheaded.

You loudly moan into her ear as your fingers enter her with ease, realizing how wet she is, she’s practically dripping. “Fuck…”

Donna immediately covers her mouth as you easily fill her. At first your pace is slow, trying your best to slowly ease her into it as her walls engulf you. The dollmaker bucks into your touch, body urging you to speed up as she tries to focus on subduing her sounds but failing as they become louder from behind her hands.

“Please let me hear you, Donna. I want to hear you.” You breathe into her ear.

You accentuate the point by lightly biting her neck. You quickly make sure to soothe the sensation by running your tongue over it and sealing it with kisses. Too overwhelmed to refute, the dollmaker throws a hand to your cheek and the other over your hand, supporting herself as vocalises everything she feels.

Her sweet sounds fill the air; whimpers making your head spin and moans making you quicken your pace. The beast still rules you, telling you to mark her so the world knows she belongs to you but there’s something else here, something much softer. Donna begins to pant against your ear, making your core burn but that doesn’t matter right now, for all you want is for her to feel sweet release. You start pumping in and out of her as quickly as you can, hand starting to cramp up, but you don’t dare slow down.

Donna’s hand tightly grips yours as she finally keels over, landing on all fours as your body mounts her from behind, your hand never leaving her centre. You decide to try something out…

“You’re so beautiful, my love.” You praise her as you nip at her ear, making her whine and you decide to push further. You continue to whisper sweet affirmations, this in combination with your fingers pumping in and out of her makes her tightly clutch the sheets, knuckles turning white. You tell your Mistress how erotic she is, how her lovely mewls stir something deep within you, pressing your body further against her from behind. Wetness starts to drip down her thigh.

Without warning, the dollmaker loudly moans, her body slightly spasms once your fingers find a certain spot. Her legs start to shake as you repeatedly press against it, confirming your discovery.

“There! Please there!” She cries, rutting harder against your hand, desperately trying to add more pressure.

You answer her plea by tightening your grip over her body and suddenly upping your pace until its relentless. Your carnal desires take over as you hook your fingers into her, filling her as deep as you can while your palm roughly hits against her clit. Donna is barely holding herself up as you rail into her, pleasure clouding her mind as you grunt against her ear.

“Y/N…” She says in between ragged whimpers.

You involuntarily buck against her, your body moving on its own as you take her both from the front and from behind. You ferally pound against your mistress.

Your voice comes out heavy with desire, as you and Donna are cheek to cheek.

“Come for me, Donna….I want you to come for me, baby.”

Hearing your voice finally sends her over the edge…

The dollmaker almost blacks out as she comes with a cry, all of her builtup pressure finally released as her body goes limp. The woman would have collapsed onto the bed if you weren’t there to support her, you hold her flush against you. You lovingly kiss Donna’s face as you continue to gently finger her, slowing your pace as you help her come down from her high.

“You did so good, my love.” You comfort the limp woman in your arms, gently lowering her onto the bed as she tries to catch her breath. She looks up at you through hooded eyes, a lazy smile on her face as she feels completely at ease, it’s as if she’s released some sort of weight, she somehow feels lighter.

You return her smile and bring your hand to your mouth. You lick your fingers clean, keeping your gaze locked onto her, waiting for her reaction. A sudden blush appears on Donna’s face, eyes widening in realization as she gulps.

“You taste delicious, Mistress.” You say playfully.

The woman lays there stunned as another pulse sparks her core, blush deepening.

“Is that..possible?” Her voice quiet but carrying genuine curiosity.

For some reason you find the question endearing and you feel that softness once again. Without thinking you straddle her and lower yourself until you’re face to face. Her eye travels over you but different this time, it’s as if she was looking at you with fresh eyes, as if you’re still Y/N but meeting you again for the first time. You gently kiss where her right eye should be, taking a pause to look at her as you press another kiss to her lips. Your actions make you realize what this softness is…but you want to show her, just, without the beast.

She happily sighs as you she feels you kiss down her body, bringing her hands to your hair once again, lightly caressing your scalp. This is when Donna notices healed lash marks down your back, narrowing her eye as she tries to process them during the quiet moment. Confusion and worry fill her but right as she’s about to raise concern, she feels you kiss her inner thighs. Her gaze meets yours and without warning you give her sex a languid lick, never breaking eye contact. Donna bucks against you, feeling her arousal return as your tongue continues to worship her.

It doesn’t take long for pressure to build up within the dollmaker, her thighs tightening around your head as you suck on the sensitive bundle of nerves between her legs. But right as you feel her release coming, you stop- much to Donna’s disappointment as she whines. But you don’t leave her waiting for long as you quickly move back up her body, straddling her as you capture her lips once again.

But before she can register what’s happening you start to grind against her, rubbing your sex against hers. Donna holds you tight against her chest (consciously making sure she doesn’t disturb your marks), eye shut while gasping into your mouth as she loses herself to the sensation. It feels both heavenly and sinful. Sweat starts to run down your forehead as you give into the carnal pleasure, equally losing yourself to the moment. That is…until you look down at her.

The beast starts to fade away again, desperately trying to clutch at your senses but it’s no match for her…no one is. Your heart swells when you look at her, wound up to no end, hair in complete disarray as sounds of pleasure leave her. You now understand what the softness is…and it terrifies you. Insecurity riddles you once again as you ferally rut against her, feeling her wetness down your thigh. Donna arches her back off the bed as she’s about to come once again, further pressing herself against you as her toes curl.

No. Do not allow fear to blind you. Give yourself to her, ALL of you just as she has to you. Speak your truth and be brave, for she deserves that…and maybe..just maybe, so do you.

You feverishly capture her lips again and she matches your passion. “Donna? Donna, please look at me.” You almost plea between kisses.

Her eye flashes open, you see very little white in it, and you wonder if it’s a side effect on her mutation, regardless- it only adds to her beauty in your eyes. Donna struggles to keep your gaze as she feels you begin to speed up, responding with a shaky cry and you almost come then and there. But with the little composure you have, you speak.

“I love you…”  You begin pounding into her with everything you have, the bed loudly squeaking under you. You press your forehead against hers as you continue, your entire body tensing up as your gaze locks onto hers.

“I love you, Iloveyou,Iloveyou, Iloveyou!!” You chant over and over again as you finally bring her over the edge. Donna arches her back and violently slams against the bed with a harrowing sob. Her eye rolls into the back of her head, nails digging into your back until she quickly goes slack under you. You come just seconds later; your voice caught in your throat as the smallest sound leaves you. You see stars before immediately collapsing onto the dollmaker.

The heavy breaths of you and your lover fill the air, a small smile appears on your face as you feel her hands embrace you, holding you in her arms. You hear her sniffle and use what little strength you have; you look at her. Remnants of tears can be seen in the corner of her eye and concern covers your face. But before you can comment Donna speaks.

“It’s okay, you didn’t hurt me, Y/N. Just a bodily response to overwhelming…feelings.”

Your worry is replaced with guilt. “I shouldn’t…so quickly- I should have waited-“  You’re stopped by her finger gently pressing over your lips.

“Shhhhh, believe me when I say I enjoyed every second of it. You would know if I didn’t.” She finishes with a warm smile. She’s right, you would. You can tell when Donna is lying or feeling uncomfortable by her voice alone and currently you don’t hear any discomfort in it (or see any for that matter).

Her smile suddenly becomes bashful as she awkwardly looks away from you, forcing herself to meet your gaze again as she speaks.

“I..I just wanted to say..” She gulps and anxiously stares as you as she works up the courage to continue. Whenever Donna struggled to say something, you always told her the same thing, time and time again; take your time, there’s no rush.

You decide to reposition yourself so you’re holding her in your arms, you place a kiss against her forehead.

“Take your time, there’s no rush.” You lovingly say as you bring the comforter over both of you. This seems to give her the courage she needs.

“I..I-I love you too, Y/N. Truly I do.” You smile at her as she characteristically blushes, and you tenderly kiss her once again. Though she hasn’t voiced it yet, the head of House Beneviento would kiss you for the rest of her life if she could. When you pull back you stop just a breath away and push some stray hair behind her ear. The air shifts as you address her, your voice soft but steady.

“I can’t believe it took us this long to say it….we make quite the pair.” You finish with a playful tone and Donna responds without skipping a beat.

“At least you didn’t have to get advice from the other lords…” She admits sheepishly.

Your mouth hangs agape in shock. Donna goes on to explain how she went to her fellow Head of the Houses for confessional advice, apparently some advice ended up being more helpful than others. She also admits that certain “meeting” days was simply a coverup so she could spend time at Castle Dimitrescu. Lady Dimitrescu and her daughters were especially helpful with listening and giving Donna the confidence boost she needed to tell you.

Donna tries her best to impersonate each of the animated members of House Dimitrescu and you listen intently, enjoying very much how comfortable she seems without her veil. It feels as if a wall has disappeared between you, and you couldn’t be more grateful. She giggles when remembering how defeated Alcina looked once the young women started suggesting “sexy” lingerie as “bait” (an idea she immediately shot down, but they continued anyway). You allow her to relive her memories, admiration in your eyes until a sudden realization hits you.

“Oh my gods, Donna…”

She looks at you, curiosity evident on her face.

“…..you seduced me. I can’t believe you would use your prodigious title to seduce a poor, innocent painter like myself. The rumors are worse than world could have ever imagined, Donna Beneviento; devious seducer of young maidens…who could have guessed.” You say while feigning shock. You add to your over-the-top performance by clutching imaginary pearls, hand splayed across your forehead.

Donna gives you the lightest smack on your arm while giggling but decides to play along.

“Oh, what will innocent maidens do with a menace like me on the loose?”

In a fluid motion you straddle her once again, lowering yourself to her face as you whisper.

“I suppose it’s up to me to help satiate your hunger. It’s the only way everyone will be safe.”

A pleased smile emergences on Donna’s face, happy of where the moment is going. “Are you willing to make such a sacrifice?”

You raise an arched eyebrow at her in response, fighting back a smile. You look down at her for a few seconds before going to whisper into her ear, your voice heavy with suggestion.

“That depends, how hungry are you Mistress?”

She answers your question by grabbing your face and bringing your lips back to hers, telling you she has an insatiable appetite but maybe just maybe, you’ll be able to help with that.

[jsio]

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT

MILES PROWER, ANTI-TAILS

Moebius' true king.

Art by Arealscrog

Archie's wasted character

Who is Miles?

Miles Prower is the Anti equivalent of Tails, from Mobius Prime. He is afew years older, being 11 instead of 8 and much more mature. He still appears to possess Tails' youthful tenacity and desire for independence, but he has a violent rebellious attitude and shows no interest in holding himself to childish things, even though he's only 11 years old himself, hating the nickname "Tails" being an example.

Miles holds his younger counterpart in utter contempt for traits Miles sees as weaknesses, especially how Tails went down the path of Science and technology instead of his magical Chaos force heritage, implying that Miles went down a more mystical path instead of Science, but from what we see in the comic Miles is more in the political field, by that I mean he manipulates all the political aspects of Moebius.

His actions throughout the comic run make him out to be smart, picky, but also cold, calculating and always 5 steps ahead of his own team and Adversaries, this leading to Alicia making him the Suppression Squads leader behind the scenes, while she is the figurehead "ruler."

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That's Anti-Tails, Who throughout this I'll be reffering to as "Miles." Now you may be thinking, "Why make a post on an extremely obscure and hardly used Archie character? Why not someone Like Tails, Shadow or a more popular Archie character?"

Well, it's because I believe that Miles had the potential to be one of Archie's most intresting original characters, I believe he could've easily held his own "Suppression Squad" comic run, but Archie Unfortunately really underused him and wasted his potential, but hey...

That's where us fans come in!

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This post is All about Miles Canonical self, every canon fact I can find about him and his full story in his short run during Pre-Reboot Archie Sonic, and my own personal headcanons in the later post.

But...before I get into any the headcanons, I need to teach those who don't know him about him, I need to talk about his Canonical self..so, let's get into it. Headcanons will be in the follow up post.

Canonical Apprearnces.

(Reworded from the wiki)

First appearance

The first appearance of Anti-Tails was back when the character was just "Evil Tails" and it was of him joining the Anti Freedom fighters in an attempt to take over Mobius Prime, prior to the downfall of Eggman.

He and his evil allies pretended to be the good Mobius Prime versions, and struck knothole with acts of mayhem, vandalism and overall mischief, a common thing on moebius. The real Freedom Fighters soon returned to set things straight, but their initial attempts to defeat the Anti-Freedom Fighters failed as their Anti-Mobius selves knew their moves as well as they did. Sally Acorn came upon the solution: switching combat partners. When he faced Rotor, Evil Tails proved unable to overcome the larger and stronger Mobian. Defeated along with the other Anti-Freedom Fighters, he was sent back to Anti-Mobius, where they continued to cause mayhem despite the efforts of the kindly Dr. Ivo Kintobor (Anti-Robotnik) to stop them.

This was the last we saw Evil Tails for awhile, however we did see a cameo of him along with every other tails when they all came together and formed Titan Tails.

The Suppression Squad

Art by Pota on Pixiv

Some time passed before his next appearance, and in that time "Anti-Mobius" went through changes in its name, now "Moebius." And all the characters changed alongside it.

Miles had assisted Boomer in stealing Dr Kintober's goal posts in order to allow the Suppression Squad to have access to inter-dimensional travel. Scourge obviously took this opportunity and went straight to Mobius Prime, along with a few other members of the SS, Miles being one of them, and they attempted an assult on the Freedom HQ, where we see Miles' and Tails face off, with Miles declaring to not be referrd to as Tails or Anti-Tails, but instead just "Miles".

He also indicated his disgust at Tails for having chosen a path of Science and study, despite having a strong connection to "Chaos force", aka magic. This has led to people believing Miles himself is a magic user.

When Metal Sonic attacked Scourge, believing him to be the real Sonic, Miles stayed back and observed instead of helping his king. Now, you may think that's betrayal, but in reality Miles didn't help because he did not wish to undermine Scourges strength, so instead he observed. Soon after Sonic came onto the scene he showed his willingness to help anyone, even his enimies, and this gave Miles an idea:

Let's team up with the freedom fighters to betray Scourge, that's the new plan.

Miles later met up with Sally, Bunnie, Antonie and Tails to offer an alliance, but didn't let Tails speak and showed his contempt to the original version, telling him, "Please don't talk, little boy, We're trying to have an intelligent conversation." Sally accepted the offer, knowing she needed all the help she could get for taking down Scourge.

Upon returning to Scourge, pretending to be running from the freedom fighters, Scourge asked for a summary on his mission, that being "bomb New Metropolis" but Miles ignored him however, instead reporting to Alicia (Anti-Sally) that his mission was a success. Immediately thereafter, Alicia told the Suppression Squad to, "Show our King just what we think of him", with Boomer and Patch clearly readying for battle

However, Miles was doubling up his betrayal, blasting both Sonic and Scourge back into Moebius for them to Duke it out there, with Boomer sealing the portal behind them. An ethical debate followed this, between Sally, Alicia and Miles, the trio being ordered to get the goal posts ready to be able to return the freedom fighters to Mobius after both groups agreed to make sure Scourge was defeated on Moebius by Sonic

Miles was as shocked as the rest of the group to find Scourge had defeated all of his opponents as Super Scourge. When the rest of the Knothole Freedom Fighters and Suppression Squad were quickly defeated, Scourge turned his sights on Miles, identifying him as the mastermind behind the betrayal.

Miles, cowering in fear, denied his role in betraying Scourge, who was threatening to beat him for his betrayal. However, Miles was saved by Silver the Hedgehog and unlike the rest of his allies, wasn't even hurt. Following Scourge's defeat and Miles' attempt to recruit Buns Rabbot into the Suppression Squad, Miles spoke to Alicia about who would be their new leader. Alicia explained that while she may be the figurehead ruler, they both knew Miles held the real authority at this point, to which Miles grinned.

That was the last we see of Miles in the Archie comics, he unfortunately isn't in the post reboot because he's now owned by Ken Penders, so we'll never see him again. Below is all of his official designs, and after that is my final thoughts on the character.

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My overview of Miles as a character.

I'm no Character analysist so I'll make this short and sweet, my review of Miles is that he's a Character with alot of potential, but he went wasted, not on purpose, but thanks to the lawsuit.

I believe that if that lawsuit never happened, and that arc was closed up nicely Anti-Tails would of became a far more realistic and grounded Character, and probably pretty popular too. Miles to me is a kid who was manipulated into a life of crime and now believes that's what is right, and I think that could of been an arc for him, mellowing out and becoming a true king for the people of Moebius. I also like how when Scourge goes Super and goes to Miles to confront him, he dosent stand up to him, he dosent become strong, but instead he cowers in fear, hes terrified and tries to lie, to me, that makes him feel more grounded, and I like that.

Personally I wish Miles was more popular, I wish he got more spotlight than he did and I wish his story got concluded, but with what we got, I think he's pretty good, and pretty interesting too! I've seen alot of ideas float around for this dude, all of them making sense in they're on way, and to be honest? His lack of story kinda helps make him more accessible.

Tl:Dr: I like Miles alot, and I hope this post helps you lot learn more about him and overall, gets more people down to write with him, draw with him and explore him!

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Would I change him in any way?

Yeah, there's one key part of Miles (from what we got) that I think was wasted. Now, what is that? What would I change about a Character I've mostly praised? Well...

I wish he was magical. In the Archie comics Tails is actually strongly connected to the "Chaos Force", not as connected as Shadow, but still VERY connected, and guess what? Miles and Tails ARE biologically the same, same DNA, and in that bit of the comic, Miles calls Tails out on something he should have no idea about if he himself isn't connected to the same thing (or Moebius equivalent). To me at least this kind of implies Miles is magical too.

Basically, I'd give Miles' moveset a touch of magical abilities, connecting him to Moebius' "Anarchy force". I think it would help separate him abit more from Tails, while also connecting them, because whenever you have science and magic together...they clash.

But yea that's all I'd change in what we got, just hints of magic, some magic attacks here and there. I think it'd be pretty neat, and it'd have the science Vs magic aspect with him and Tails relationship.

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Lets finally wrap this up! At least, for now.

Thank you so much for reading all this If you did, it, this took me alot of hours, and I, I think it's over 2000 words now you madman. Why not spend your time doing something more worthwhile? Why not...have fun? meet someone? Go on a date? Live your life? Why read a post on an obscure Character, mainac.

But in all seriousness thank you for reading my post, I really like this character (clearly) and I want to teach people about him, and I hope this post has done that! Post 2. There's going to be a sequel post going over all of my personal headcanons, and possibly a 3rd going over community ones. Keep ya eyes out~

But yea, big read, now you lot know about an obscure Character, and this was fun to write! But now I'm gonna end this post with a fun fact:

Miles and the Suppression Squad were going to have one more arc, it was teased at the end of issue 196, but unfortunately it never got written. That would of been really neat but unfortunately it never got to happen.

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BON'VOYAGE, HEDGEHOGS!

[appleflavoredkitkats]

Analysis of the “Fundy’s Mind” Stream: A Showcase of Repressed Memories and Repressed Insecurities

i. INTRODUCTION

Hi! This is going to be… something. Funny how I focus on this rather than my research homework, but I have a MASSIVE Fundy brain rot right now and I’d love to share my thoughts on Fundy’s newest stream. Fair warning, I am not the Messiah, so don’t take everything as fact. I’m open to constructive and objective discussions in replies or in DM’s, so feel free to hmu!

All of this is /dsmp and /rp by the way!

Heavy trigger warnings for derealization, parental neglect, neglect in general, self-deprecation, self-neglect, low self-esteem, death, manipulation, abandonment, loneliness, trust issues, torture mention, blood mention, and broken friendships.

Word Count: Approximately 10k.

ii. PRE-LIVESTREAM ASPECTS

Before we begin deep diving into the mind of Fundy, I do want to emphasize two major themes of this stream: 1.) Fundy’s insecurities, especially when it comes to abandonment and trust, and 2.) Fundy’s future predicting abilities. A ton (but not all) of statements uttered by the books and Fundy himself tend to have double meanings that apply to both of these themes. 

We can further discuss the future predicting powers later, but to give a little background on Fundy’s insecurities: Fundy is notorious for heavily depending his self-worth on the recognition other people give him. Despite his immaturity, a lot of Fundy’s character is rooted in being heavily underestimated. This could be observed during the Pet Wars when his safety was constantly being threatened by Sapnap, inevitably making him lose a duel against him. Another way we can see this is through Wilbur’s early treatment of Fundy where he constantly infantilized him because Wilbur believed Fundy was a child incapable of being independent. This caused Fundy to appeal a lot to any type of compliment from any person- it began with Quackity ensuring him that he will gift him a lot of cookies if he votes SWAG2020, then to Schlatt complimenting him to the point that Fundy almost gave up on spying and siding with Pogtopia, then to the Butcher Army where he unhesitantly followed Tubbo and Quackity’s lead no matter how many times they made fun of him. While he revels in any type of recognition given, oftentimes, those who seem to care for Fundy tend to leave after he grows attached to them; first with Wilbur, then Niki, then Schlatt, then Eret and Phil, then Tubbo, Ranboo, and Quackity. In the Dream SMP, Fundy is very lonely and has dealt with abandonment issues left and right, but typically, he never does anything with his loneliness, as the last time he lashed out against someone who left him, nothing positive really came out of it (this is when he got mad at Ghostbur). 

(Everything else is under the cut! I worked so hard on this, so please read it if you can, it’d mean a lot!)

So, with all that laid out, I want you to keep this all in mind as it is important for understanding why Fundy feels the way he does in the stream.

Now, let’s begin the analysis. First off, I believe it is important to denote the title and the tags of the stream. The stream is titled “Fundy’s Mind”, so we have to denote that this isn’t merely a dream sequence- the stream is meant to explore the complexity of Fundy’s mind. This includes his thoughts, insecurities, repressed memories, and so on and so forth. Additionally, the stream is tagged “Permadeath”, something different from what Fundy typically tags his streams. There is no clear explanation as to what this could mean, but the possibilities are:

It is hinting that the death system in the Dream SMP could be rigged, and someone is messing with the semantics of death and how it works.

It is hinting that someone will face a permanent death, and most fingers are pointed at Fundy as this is his stream. If not a permanent death, he might at least lose one of his canon lives which was hinted later on in the stream (will discuss later).

It is hinting that he was killed by the end of the dream. Not really a solid theory as we don’t actually know the repercussions of killing someone who is actively dreaming, but it is a possibility.

iii. PROLOGUE

A thing to question at the beginning of the stream is if the entire introduction was part of the dream or not. Seeing how Fundy has the same inventory from this to the next scene, it is plausible, but I don’t think it provides anything if it were a dream. 

Anyway, other things to denote are Fundy’s hotbar! First noticeable thing would be the 38 baked potatoes. The website angelnumber.org explains that 38 means:

“The combination of these two numbers makes the number 38 a number which signifies joy and optimism, courage, finding creative ways to materialize abundance, reality, etc.

The essence of the number 38 in numerology are different kind of relationships, such as romantic ones, business partnerships, teamwork, cooperation, diplomacy, etc.

Number 38 people have a talent for dealing with people in a caring and creative way. They are born team-workers. They need interaction with other people to fully enjoy their lives. They are usually optimistic and have a gift of inspiring others to action.”

So far, the number 38 is viewed to be positive. It signifies financial success and cooperativeness, which is interesting if Fundy’s future arc potentially ties to working with Quackity. To further add onto symbolisms regarding success, dreamastromeanings.com says the following:

“If you dreamed of baking or roasting potatoes, that dream is a good sign. It usually indicates your finances increasing over time.

Possibly you have made some investments and now you are beginning to reap the fruits of your efforts and risky activities.”

or,

“If you dreamed of holding a potato in your hand, that dream is a bit of a warning. You might soon receive some lucrative opportunity, possibly work related.

It is advisable to think fast and accept it because you might not get a second chance.

It could also indicate that you are a bit lazy when it comes to taking chances and missing opportunities because of that.”

Both explanations refer to business opportunities and possible investments. If we combine both the explanation for the number 38 and carrying potatoes, we can assume that Fundy will be receiving a business opportunity that would be too good to miss. These explanations also imply that nothing too negative would occur, but instead, Fundy can achieve success through this business opportunity. The only arcs in the Dream SMP which I think could provide a business opportunity would either be 1.) a new warden at the prison, 2.) new member at Snowchester (low odds), but the most likely occurrence would be 3.) Quackity offers him a position at Las Nevadas. With the Quackity smiley face at the end of Fundy’s stream, we can safely believe that the job opportunity at Las Nevadas would be the most likely occurrence.

Another explanation for this is that because the 38 potatoes were brought from the seemingly real world, it could possibly pertain to something that had already happened in the past. This could possibly allude to L’Manberg, especially when the explanations behind 38 potatoes are presented to be more positive, something the current Las Nevadas arc isn’t.

Second thing to notice about the hotbar: Fundy is currently at level 5, with his EXP bar 1/18 filled. To reach level 5, one has to gain 55 EXP, and to reach level 6, one would need to gain an extra 17 EXP. If the bar is merely 1/18 filled, 1/18 of 17 would be 0.94, which when rounded off, is 1. Add 1 to the extra 55, and we would approximately get 56 EXP. The website angelnumber.org says the following:

“The number 56 symbolizes teamwork, coexistence, family, relationships, adventure and expression of freedom.

Number 56 people have diverse interests, some of which they have an in-depth knowledge of and some just general understanding.

They try different approaches in relationships, trying to keep them alive. If everything they’ve tried fails, they simply walk to another relationship.”

This could mean a lot of things. The second sentence could imply that Fundy doesn’t fully comprehend the complexity of his mind. Some parts, he may understand, some, he does not at all. This could imply that there are also more secrets hiding in his mind that we couldn’t get to see. The third sentence is more interesting as Fundy’s entire character arc involves him and his broken relationships with other people. It’s a quite accurate description of Fundy, describing how he desperately tries anything to make a relationship work, and if it fails, he could easily befriend other people even if there is a possibility that that relationship would fail like the previous. 

If we ignore the number of EXP, we can merely focus on the number 5, which means the following:

“When angels are sending you number 5, they want to encourage you to have hope and to be ready to accept all the changes that are coming. Also, if number 5 has appeared just at the moment when you have been thinking about something important in your life, this number could be the answer or the solution for your problems. You should pay attention to number 5 and think of its secret meanings.

If number 5 keeps appearing by your side, it means that changes are already happening in your life. If they have not happened yet, don’t worry. They are on the way and you will feel them in the next couple of days or weeks.”

This can be connected to both the EXP number and the stream as a whole as Fundy begins to accept the gravity of his abandonment issues instead of suppressing his negative feelings towards it. Throughout the stream, Fundy is shown rejecting the idea that he is being neglected by others, but by the second half of the stream, he rejects it less and less. This could be the change the explanation is referring to as Fundy realizing his negative feelings towards his abandonment issues are valid and he needs to take them more seriously rather than brushing them aside. 

With number symbolisms finally aside, we can begin analyzing the actual sequences! Fundy is seen to be approaching his “Not A Secret” Base with a sigh, asking chat if they can go to sleep so that he can go to sleep too. Fundy immediately doubts the possibility of the others in the server following through his request until Ranboo responds with a simple “okay” while Niki responds with “yiss, am asleep”. Fundy quickly flashes the members list on the screen, showing us that only Niki and Ranboo are online on the server before he showcases his new bed, claiming that he likes it.

Two interesting notes about this: 1.) he decides to sleep, which is odd enough in the Dream SMP, and 2.) him having three new beds despite only using one of them. For the first point, I’d like to refer you to what Fundy said at around 26:08:

“I just gotta sleep and then, it’s gonna disappear! And then everyone is gonna appear out of a bush and they’re gonna be ‘Surprise!’, and I’m gonna be like, ‘You guys…! You’re always pranking me, you’ve always been there for me. Every single time… except sometimes… when I needed you the most.’ I just go to bed, I just go to bed, and none of this ever happened.”

While I understand that he is referring to the dream, I also believe that this statement would be one of those types I mentioned earlier that may have a double meaning. While “I just go to bed,” could refer to him wanting to sleep and wake up from this horrific dream, it could also refer to how he easily shuts down to his abandonment issues and goes to bed instead of handling it head first. Knowing this, him going to bed in the first scene could imply that he is in this type of  abandonment predicament, especially when we connect it to the second point. The color orange is meant to represent joy and warmth, and even without the symbolism, we all know orange is Fundy’s favorite color. He sees these three beds and says that he likes them, but I can’t help but feel like the other two beds are meant for two other people. I don’t think Niki and Ranboo being the only other two people on the server is coincidental; they have to relate to the two extra beds in some way.

Niki and Ranboo are two prime examples of close friends Fundy had before breaking off after a misunderstanding. Niki fought with Fundy after he had to burn the flag she made in order to gain Schlatt’s trust, while Fundy fought with Ranboo after Doomsday when they had conflicting beliefs about neutrality and sides. After both incidents, Fundy never really made his way to apologize, but Fundy has awkwardly met up with these two after a certain point. With Niki, he was forced to team with her at the beginning of the November 16th War, joking around with her and Eret, while for Ranboo, Fundy had to talk to him and Philza when they were joking around in the SMP. The meet ups definitely relieved some tension, but it never fully resolved the conflict Fundy had with both characters, so there was never a chance for him to rekindle the close bonds he had with both Ranboo and Niki in the past.

Fundy going to his favorite beds with two extra spots next to him could represent how he does cherish the friendships he shared with Niki and Ranboo, but never has the guts to actually bring back things the way that they were before. So, instead, Fundy sleeps, not wanting to think about them any further.

iv. FIRST DAY

When he wakes, Fundy checks his inventory before exiting his base, saying “Uhm, I don’t actually-” until he cuts himself off once he spots the desert. I don’t actually know what Fundy was supposed to say here, but because he checked his inventory beforehand, I believe he was trying to say “I don’t actually know where my things are,” but I could be wrong. To be fair, this isn’t too important, so we don’t have to focus on that. What we can focus on is the misplaced desert that was obviously not there before Fundy slept. We can easily infer what deserts could symbolize in dreams, especially when it comes to loneliness and the feeling of being deserted, but for better insight, consider what dreamstop.com claims about deserts:

“A dream of a desert is about something that is devoid of any feelings or care for you. It is all about them and nothing about you. Does someone show you a lack of respect? Is there someone or something in your life you dislike and adds no meaning to your life? Do you feel invisible? That no-one cares about you? Deserts represent an empty, barren place you may be trying to fill.

Desert dreams may appear when a relationship or friendship breaks down, or when you feel totally alone. You may have moved recently and have not yet made friends. You may feel homesick for all you left behind.

Being lost in a desert refers to your feelings that a situation is hopeless. You may have a problem you feel no-one cares about, even though you tried to reach out. You may feel there was no support and are feeling hurt and alone.”

You don’t need much analyzing to connect these meanings to what Fundy is experiencing. The setting of a “desert” merely pads the idea of Fundy being incredibly lonely to the point of him believing that he has nothing left to lose. Back in Doomsday, he was an optimistic nihilist, claiming that he doesn’t care much about what occurs from this point onwards as long as he can have a little bit of fun. On the stream where he created the Cube, he claimed that most people hated him anyway, so the least he could do was to make himself so hateable so other people could unite together in their hatred of Fundy even if it meant Fundy would have no companions left. Let it be known: Fundy is incredibly, incredibly lonely, and he is miserable in his loneliness, especially when his self-worth depends on how much people recognize him.

Another thing this desert could be eluding to would be Las Nevadas as it is set in the desert. I do think the desert’s main purpose is to showcase Fundy’s loneliness, but the connection to Las Nevadas is plausible.

Additionally, the dark skies Fundy sees doesn’t really need much of an explanation either. I couldn’t find a website exactly defining what it means to find a dark sky, but most of them speak of it as a negative thing, often symbolizing something terrible to come. I don’t think I need to explain that part, so we’re moving on.

Fundy is, understandably, very confused about this entire predicament. He quickly moves around his base to figure out what is going on, even messaging in chat to see if anyone would respond. Climbing up the ladders, he stands atop his base, spotting the silhouette of the Camarvan from afar. He continues to be confused, claiming he has no idea why he’s here in the first place. He claims he is “freaking out”, continuing to ask questions about where he is, and why the sky turns dark. He denotes that he isn’t at least completely alone as bunnies swarm around the desert. He begins to follow this sandstone path, every few blocks or so passing a fence with a torch stood atop it.

Here, we can infer that Fundy seems to have never seen this place before, or has no recollection of it entirely. Fundy doesn’t seem to be immensely freaked out just yet, especially since he hasn’t asked any questions about how no one is there, mostly focusing on his location and asking what the place is about.

Fundy then asks why the van is here, then zooms in on the nametags he sees at the back of the van. It is notable that something nametagged “Fundy” is shorter than another thing that is nametagged “WilburSoot”. Fundy tries to reach out for them but is unable to enter the van.

We can easily infer that this scene was meant to represent Fundy’s childhood in L’Manberg when he was being taken care of by Wilbur. Despite the lack of silhouettes, we can easily determine that Fundy is young in this scene because of how his nametag is in a much lower position next to Wilbur's, implying that whoever owns that nametag is much shorter. We can denote that by the beginning of the L’Manbergian Revolutionary War, Fundy was, in fact, a child. 

Another question some of you might ask: why is the Camarvan here in the first place? While I believe it could be representative of the part of Fundy’s mind that tackles past memories, I do think it also serves another purpose which I will explain later.

Moving on to the next scenes, Fundy continues following the sandstone path while typing in chat, asking if anyone was actually there. He gets confused by the path for a moment, wanting to go to the ominous building, before realizing that the path does connect to the building, it just swerves a little to the left.

It is notable that when Fundy cried out for help, he doesn’t call for a name in specific-  he calls out for ANYONE. The fact that he is calling out for “anyone” could denote that he doesn’t have any close friends or family members he would want to specifically call out for. 

Continuing on, Fundy follows the path to the building, still very immensely confused about where he is. Opening the door, he sees that the inside descends into an underground room with its flooring made out of chiseled quartz blocks. Fundy gets scared at first, immediately closing the door, looking back in, and going back out once more.

Fundy denotes that there is absolutely nothing out here as he walks around the building. He then gains the courage to descend the staircase, wondering what it is, and at the bottom, there are a lot of misplaced sandstone blocks with small lights illuminating at certain corners. The path leads to the left, showing 10 pieces of red carpet on the floor, and 8 pieces of yellow carpet on the table. He approaches the wooden table before looking to his right, spotting a skull on the floor next to a piece of redstone, which I believe is meant to resemble blood.

I don’t think we really need to research a skull to check what it might represent, but my theory so far as to what the skulls mean in each building would be that it’s meant to represent Fundy losing a canon life. I don’t know if this was intentional, but the corner room where the skull is somewhat reminds me of the Final Control Room with the redstone in the middle representing the button. That is, after all, where Fundy lost his first canon life. 

One of the theories I subscribe to is that the skulls in these buildings are meant to foreshadow Fundy’s death before he ever reaches it. Earlier in the day, we saw Fundy pass by the Camarvan with a younger Fundy which could possibly imply that they haven’t gotten to Eret’s betrayal yet, but the skull creeping up at the corner could represent that it is, in fact, coming. How this ties in to the entire future predicting thing, I will explain later, but for now, keep an eye out on the skulls.

Terrified of the skull, Fundy opens the chest and hesitantly picks up the book and quill inside of it. He opens it and is introduced to another Fundy writing to himself. Other Fundy claims that they’re not exactly the same person, but this Fundy is a part of the real Fundy. Other Fundy claims that Fundy cannot trust this place as it is not real, then begins saying that Fundy himself is not real repeatedly. Fundy’s heart rate suddenly increases when he sees the words “wake up” appear slowly in the book, and after page 34 is shown, Fundy wakes up to a new day in the dream world. 

First thing to denote is that the book has 87 pages, and 87, according to affinitynumerology.com means as follows:

“The numerology number 87 is a number of family, organization, and prosperity.

It's also a number of harmony and idealism, the ideal generally related to a harmonious and prosperous family relationship.

87 has parental instincts. It assumes responsibility for the welfare of others it considers to be family.”

The explanation implies that Fundy longs for family and cares deeply for those who he considers as his family. As much as he hated Wilbur after he died, Fundy still continuously expressed how much he needed Wilbur to be there. He is absolutely attached to anyone who poses as a possible family member, especially to those who he views as parents or guardians. Even outside of Wilbur, he is still practically attached to Phil, even if Phil refuses to consider Fundy as family. Fundy also got immensely angered by Eret when she didn’t show up to sign his adoption papers. I’d even say his attachment to family would even reach people like Sally and Schlatt. Fundy has a tendency of casually talking about Sally, and whenever a character talks about eating salmon, Fundy becomes deeply offended. For Schlatt, Fundy kept Schlatt’s netherite sword after he died, considering it to be an “heirloom”, something that only gets passed down onto different generations of the same family. Fundy is incredibly attached to the sword, and whenever he loses it, he’s absolutely desperate to get it back. As much as Fundy gets abandoned, he still deeply appreciates a lot of his family.

87 is also very reminiscent of one of the books in the Inbetween. A lot of the phrasing in the books are actually quite similar to the Inbetween, but we aren’t sure if Fundy and the Inbetween are directly affecting each other or if these places merely work in similar ways. The main similarity between Fundy and the Inbetween is that it involves something related to time travelling, so the similarities could be pointing towards that rather than imply that Fundy is directly affecting the Inbetween all together.

Secondly, the book stops at Page 34. The website angelnumbers.org express the following:

"Most likely you are leaving your projects unfinished because of fear for their destiny after you finish them.

Will they be rejected or accepted by others?

Because you would rather not find out that and possibly have your ego hurt, you consciously or subconsciously sabotage your work and leave things unfinished.

When this number starts appearing in your life frequently, it is a reminder to acknowledge you have a problem and start dealing with it.”

This is very reminiscent of the paragraph I made earlier discussing Fundy’s relationship with Ranboo and Niki- and this could honestly apply to any other relationships Fundy has as well. Besides Fundy’s relationships, this explanation could apply to Fundy’s hesitance of finding out the truth of his mind. Earlier on in the streams, Fundy is immensely confused about the dream, not wanting to discover its truths at all. This eventually changes on the third day, but we’ll discuss that in a bit.

Another thing I’d like to discuss would be the identity of the book authors and why they wrote the books the way they did. I’ll explain about this more in-depth later, but I do believe that another Fundy is, indeed, writing these books. As this was set in Fundy’s mind, it’s quite impossible for anyone who isn’t Fundy to be meddling with the books. What we can denote, though, is the reason as to why these books were created in the first place. The book itself seems to be harmless at first, quite inviting towards Fundy in the first few pages, but once it had to introduce what this world is, it seemed to hesitate. There were a couple of disjointed pages, as well as blank pages, before it began claiming the world wasn’t real, and that Fundy wasn’t real. It turned a complete 180, which seemed to be very odd to me. In past events of the Dream SMP, derealizing statements like this tend to be tricks of the mind, but these statements seem to be intentionally put there by those who wrote the book, especially since later on, we see another book completely give up on saying these triggering statements, saying that “It’s not going to work.” (32:05). 

What this implies is that whoever placed these statements are attempting to scare Fundy in some way, possibly heightening his insecurities and terror so that he can be truly terrified of the place. The constant statements of “you are not real” may not only refer to the Other Fundy trying to make Fundy spiral downwards in derealization, but it might actually represent how neglected Fundy feels to the point of feeling invisible, to the point of feeling that he “isn’t real”. But why is this Other Fundy trying to scare Fundy, and who, specifically, is the person behind the writings, you might ask? This question will be answered later on when we go more in-depth with the other books, as the bigger picture is very much needed instead of explaining it all by the first book.

v. SECOND DAY

Fundy wakes up in his base once more, evidently confused. We don’t really know why he wakes up in his base, and why the world changes every time he wakes up, but let’s just say this is all part of his dream to make sense out of it. This time, he sounds more broken, and definitely more unhinged. He calls out for any other member in the chat, telling them that whatever they’re doing is not funny. This is the first we see of Fundy believing that the others may actually just have been pulling a prank on him. He opens his chests frantically before venturing outside once more. He claims that he doesn’t believe the book, saying that this dream sequence feels pretty real to him. 

This time, Fundy puts a bigger emphasis on asking why he is alone, and why nobody seems to be here with him. Fundy seems to be more shaken up by the idea that he’s alone over the idea that he does not know anything about where he is at all. He approaches the van, and when he zooms in, he sees that Wilbur’s nametag disappeared. 

Transcript of this following scene:

“I knew you were there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no- you can’t fool me! No, I knew you were there Wil. You were there, right there! Where did you go? Are you being- he’s being funny. This is funny! This is great. Aw, this is amazing- it’s just a prank! It’s April Fools soon- that’s why! Oh, I’m just being pranked… right?”

Now, this was… sad. This is one of the other statements that could have a double meaning. Fundy insisting that Wilbur is supposed to be there could not only be him comparing this day to the previous, but it could also imply his true feelings towards Wilbur, especially since he’s disappeared for a good portion of Fundy’s life. Fundy believes Wilbur is supposed to be there for him, but the reality is that he wasn’t. Instead of facing reality, Fundy concludes that all of this was a harmless joke instead of believing that Wilbur might have possibly left him.

Fundy attempts to enter the van once more, but his attempt doesn’t work. He then follows the path on the side directing to the ominous building only for him to realize that it has gotten closer.

The building getting closer to the main base actually has a lot of symbolism behind it. The building itself stores a lot of secrets, especially when it comes to the truths about this world and the different insecurities Fundy has repressed. Those writing the books have laid out all these secrets in every single book found in this building. The fact that it’s underground is meant to represent that these secrets are meant to be hidden in the depths of Fundy’s mind, but the fact that the building is getting closer to the main base makes it feel like 1.) the stored secrets about this world that Fundy may have forgotten about might finally seep into his consciousness, making him aware of them next time he wakes up, and 2.) the insecurities Fundy repressed deep down are seeping out more and more as it reaches the main core. Once it’s there, Fundy won’t be able to reject the truth about his abandonment issues any longer.

Fundy nears the building, still quite nervous. He opens the door, and the layout of the inside seems to be slightly similar to the previous day, but there are small details here and there that are different. Instead of 10 red carpets, there are 6, and instead of 8 yellow carpets, there are 6. Additionally, the skull seems to be closer, this time directly next to the table.

While the carpets were quite subtle, I do think it symbolizes a certain decrease of something. Red symbolizes the color for passion and love, while yellow is meant to represent happiness and positivity. Earlier, we saw that Wilbur disappeared from the Carmarvan, so the decrease of rugs for each color could represent Fundy’s love and happiness decreasing.

For the skull itself, I don’t know if I’m right, but this is what I infer from it: On the first day, we saw that Wilbur was still standing next to Fundy in the Camarvan as the first skull underground was still very far away. On the second day, when Wilbur was gone, the skull got closer, standing next to the table instead of it being far away. I theorize that if the skull is closer, then a canon death has already occurred in the time period the day wants to present. The first day presents a time where Wilbur was still taking care of Fundy, so Eret’s betrayal may not have happened yet, hence why the skull merely stayed hidden at the corner. On the second day, Wilbur has actively left Fundy, similar to the period after L’Manberg’s independence when Fundy had to partake in the Pet Wars alone. During that era, the betrayal has already happened, which is why I believe the skull is much closer this time. 

Continuing on, Fundy opens the book and begins reading. From this point onwards, I do want to go more in depth with each of the books, so I’ll put transcripts here and there with my thoughts added onto it after each transcript.

“Hi me!

Welcome back!

Yeahh, second time here? or third?

not entirely sure”

So, this is confirmation that this might not be the first time Fundy’s having dreams like this. A good question to ask is if the book was written a long time ago and has presented itself the same way it does right now, or if this book was written recently. I don’t think the stream gave a definitive answer, but it is something to keep in mind.

“Listen to me Fundy

and you should trust me because,

well you know why

There are two things you can do right now

Walk back to your base, jump in bed, fall asleep, and you will wake up as if nothing ever happened

Or you can keep reading…

And I will tell you what I know”

The book pauses for a bit then continues saying “You are not real” ten times, “You dont want to know the truth” fifteen times, and spams “WAKE UP” until the 38th page, a number we analyzed earlier because of the 38 baked potatoes. 

For the book itself, whoever is writing the book seems to be a bit hesitant when writing. It doesn’t seem to want to explain what this place truly is to Fundy, and as much as it clarifies that they are, indeed, Fundy, they never expound on how they were able to write these books and why Fundy should trust him. Other Fundy saying “you should trust me because, well you know why” is actually quite ominous, and I can only think of two reasons as to why they would say it: 1.) Other Fundy is implying that Fundy can trust him because he is, in fact, the same person, or 2.) Other Fundy is hinting that Fundy trusts too easily as seen with the people Fundy trusted in the real world.

Additionally, the Other Fundy seems to emphasize on the fact that they WANT Fundy to go to sleep and wake up in the overworld. They phrase it so that sleeping once more is the more logical option, while they basically scare Fundy with the other option, evident by his quickened heartbeat. The Other Fundy seems to know about the intricacies of this dream and its world, but seems to be very hesitant to tell Fundy about it. The continuous threats imply that the Other Fundy doesn’t want Fundy to know the truth at all.

Basically, this Other Fundy knows something, something our Fundy doesn’t know about, and wants to emphasize that it is something horrific. He will do whatever he can do so that he can stop Fundy from knowing the truth, even if it means he has to scare Fundy.

Additionally, to me, it feels like “WAKE UP” could possibly have two meanings. If the underground structure is meant to represent things that Fundy constantly represses to the back of his mind, not only would the secrets of his dream reside there, but his own repressed insecurities may reside there as well. The way Fundy treats the truth about his dreams is actually quite similar with the way he treats his insecurities- he tends to reject its existence and pretend that everything is normal. This dream isn’t just a dream, it’s an exploration of Fundy’s mind, and telling Fundy to “WAKE UP” doesn’t just refer to not knowing the truths about the dream, but it could also refer to Fundy not knowing the truths about his own insecurities hidden deep in the depths of his mind. 

vi. THIRD DAY

Fundy wakes up, breathing heavily. He paces around his room before opening the door frantically, seeing that he is still stuck in a desert. He begins to laugh, repetitively telling himself that all of this is a “joke”. He continues questioning why he’s still in this dream, and when he opens the door, he sees the ominous structure observably closer to the base. He claims that he’s actually stressing out, and Fundy goes on a tangent about this dream and reveals a bit about his insecurities:

“They’re toying with me, they’re toying with me. They’re actually- everyone is toying with me- they are ALWAYS TOYING WITH ME. Everyone is! I’m always being played with. Why? Why always me- no! Why does it always have to be me? Every single time. I don’t wanna- (sigh). I don’t wanna keep dealing with this- I just wanna- no- do I just… Do I just… Do I just go up here and listen to- wai- okay. The book said I have two options: I can wait here until it’s night time. Wait until the sun sets and I can go to sleep, and when I go to sleep and wake up, none of this is real. None of this is gonna- it’s gonna disappear. None of this is real, none of this is real, none… It’s not real, it’s not real, I am currently not real, this is no- how is this possible? How is this- wha- how did- how… None of this is real. I am not real. All I have to do is wait for midnight and just sleep, and all of this would end, right? All I have to do is… wait until night time and then… it’s all gonna be over, it’s all gonna be done. 

I just gotta sleep, and then, it’s gonna disappear. And then everyone is gonna appear out of a bush and they’re gonna be ‘Surprise!’ and I’m gonna be like, ‘You guys! You’re always pranking me… you’ve always been there for me (sniffs). Every single time… except sometimes… when I needed you the most. I just go to bed… I just go to bed, and then I wake up, and none of this ever happened. And we’re gonna go back to my old life where I have fun and join parties and join groups and only see them disappear in front of my eyes as I start to get attached to them. Y-yeah, that’s- that’s- that’s the choice I’m making. Go back to that... (sigh). Just… or you know…”

LOTS to unpack here, and I’ll go one by one explaining certain aspects of this because it’s not just something that showcases Fundy’s insecurities.

Firstly, interesting how Fundy believed that the book was toying with him like how a lot of other people do. That’s what makes him afraid of the book- the feeling of being pushed around. The book is actively trying to use Fundy’s insecurities against him in order to make him more and more afraid of the truth. This is interesting because Fundy is known to be ignorant towards his actual issues (just look at his monologue), but the Other Fundy seems to be acutely aware of them. I will explain why he is aware of them later on.

Secondly, this is the most observable point, Fundy seems to be aware that he is quite frankly, alone, but tends to ignore it. He copes with his abandonment issues by treating his abandonment like a joke. He believes that every single person who’s left him did it as a prank. Even if he laughs at this idea, he is also evidently hurt by it. It hits even harder when you realize that Fundy is quite the dependent character, often sucking up to any person who gives him recognition. If Fundy depends on others to dictate his self-worth, how do you think he thinks of himself right now when he literally has nobody?

Putting emphasis on Fundy’s loneliness is going to be interesting because I do think some characters in future arcs are going to exploit that. If Quackity is going to use and manipulate Fundy the same way Sam does, then there would be no doubt that he will use Fundy’s loneliness against him. Even if it’s not Quackity who approaches Fundy first- even Bad, Sam, Dream, anyone, really, could use Fundy’s loneliness against him, which will make for an interesting plot point.

Lastly, not a lot of people spotted this, but this monologue also gives us insight as to why Fundy continued looking for the truth about his dreams instead of staying in his base and waiting for night. When talking about what to look forward to once he wakes up, he talks about how much “fun” he is going to have. Slowly, you see his denial start to dwindle as he finally admits that people leave him just as he gets attached to them. As much as Fundy wanted to wake up from this horrific dream, he realizes that, once he wakes up, he has nothing to look forward to either. That’s why he hesitates when he says “Yeah, that’s the choice I’m making,” because he realizes waking up isn’t as ideal as it seems. This is why Fundy immediately goes outside afterwards with no hesitation- Fundy has nothing left to lose, hence why he chooses to venture forth. Fundy is driven to do things because he feels like his life is purposeless anyway.

Fundy then begins to head outside quietly, zooming into the ominous building while walking right towards it. He then detours for a moment, walking towards the right of the building, and approaches a giant crater filled with obsidian and blackstone.

The explosion could symbolize two things:

Any of the L’Manberg explosions. With the obsidian and blackstone combination, my guess is that this is either the first Doomsday event (L’Manbergian War of Independence) because of L’Manberg’s walls, or the November 16th War because of Schlatt’s Podium. Why the big amount of blackstone and obsidian? Well, I’m not so sure when it comes to L’Manberg as its walls didn’t have obsidian, but for the November 16th war, I do think that the abundance of blackstone and obsidian is meant to represent how Fundy is reducing the November 16th war to Schlatt’s Podium. This can be alarming as he was the one who made Schlatt’s Podium, so reducing the war to that one building might symbolize that he blames himself for the war.

Another theory, which is the theory I subscribe to more, is that this is actually depicting an event in the future that we haven’t seen yet. Namely, the prison. If you zoom in on the explosion, the block pattern is quite reminiscent of the block pattern present in the prison.

While I’ll mostly discuss Fundy’s future predicting powers later, I do think that there’s a possibility that Fundy saw a vision of the future, unlike the past two days where he saw visions of the past. The prison might possibly be nuked in the future.

Fundy then proceeds to walk back towards the building, repetitively saying “no”. He claims he needs to find out, sounding more determined than before. For this, even if the explosion could represent many things, I do think Fundy is generally reminded of the explosions he had to witness throughout the history of the Dream SMP. Perhaps he believes that finding out the truth could prevent more explosions from occurring, perhaps he figured out that this was the prison and he needed to know why it exploded, perhaps him walking away from something that’s reminiscent of real life represents his choice of wanting to learn more about his dreams rather than sticking to anything similar to real life. 

Moving on, Fundy enters the building, saying he wants to know what’s going on. The underground room seems to have changed a bit, as the chiseled quartz floors changed into quartz bricks. The place also seems to be littered with end stone blocks and bricks. The place is much darker as well, and the carpets on the floor and table seem to be gone entirely. Two skulls can be observed near the table.

My brain actually can’t reason as to why the end blocks were there, or why the quartz blocks changed. My guess is that the end stones will eventually connect to a future plot point relating to the End, but again, I’m not sure. The carpets being gone could represent that the love and happiness (red and yellow) that Fundy had disappeared completely. The dishevelled state of the room could represent that the secrets being held inside this underground room are finally breaking free as its confines tear down more and more. 

Now the skulls- if we go by the theory I presented earlier, then the skulls are meant to represent canon deaths. If the skull was tucked into the corner, then that means death is to come, but if it’s near the table, then I believe the canon death already occurred. If two skulls are next to the table, then it could imply that whatever time period the day is set in should be around the time Fundy loses a second canon death, which hasn’t occurred yet. Again, this is all speculation, so I might be overthinking, but if the explosion is meant to represent the prison getting nuked, then there’s a possibility Fundy would lose a canon life before the prison gets destroyed.

Now, onto the juicy bit: the book. The book reads as follows:

“Hi. again.

...Why are we so persistent

...Why are we so stubborn

...You have been here before, but you keep coming back

...Why?

WHY???

You dont want to know the truth

It will hurt you

I dont want to be hurt again

YOU dont want to be hurt again

I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

PLEASE JUST LEAVE

GO TO BED

FALL ASLEEP

ENJOY YOUR LIFE

ENJOY THE FUN THINGS

THE TRUTH ISNT WHAT YOU WANT

PLEASE

STOP THIS

STOP!!!”

The book tries scaring Fundy by spamming “WAKE UP” across multiple pages.

“It’s not going to work, huh..

Listen to me Fundy…

Your mind is not safe…

You are not imagining this…

This place might not be real…

But he is.

Spare yourself.

I need you to listen carefully.

Do not join him.

Whatever he asks of you.

Do NOT join him.

his plans aren’t as nice as they sound.

his intentions aren’t what you think they are.

he will use you

he will destroy you

everything you ever loved

everyone you ever cared about

do not join him.”

Before I explain this book, I think it’s best to also note down what was said in the next book as well so I can better explain what’s going on.

“note to self

hello

I just wrote this book to remember who I am

To remember what is happening

All the books I just found are indeed written by me

Listen to yourself

You suffer from a very odd illness

You suffer from a form of insomnia, within your own dreams.

Now the effects of this aren’t really known, and even I don’t fully know what is going on.

but let me tell you

somehow, this world, these actions and events, are linked to reality.

things that happen in these so-called “dreams”, tend to leak into the real world

they will actually happen.

you might wonder how exactly this is a bad thing.

the ability to predict certain events from happening, sounds pretty cool.”

Fundy then stops reading the book, seemingly overwhelmed by the influx of information. Analysis time, boys, time to unpack what this all means.

Firstly, I believe that this dream has happened before. Multiple times, actually. If certain “events” in the dream are meant to predict the future, then the moments involving the Camarvan on the first two days could imply that Fundy has seen this place before during the L’Manberg era where he could’ve predicted Eret’s betrayal and the loss of his father. If we think about it, the books could honestly be given to Fundy at any time period and it would work. Look at the entire section of the book describing someone who Fundy can’t trust- this “him” person could honestly be… anyone who abandoned Fundy? If the book hints at someone who might possibly hurt and use Fundy, then Eret, Wilbur, Schlatt, and Dream could also be considered. These people were nice to Fundy at first before betraying him one way or another. There is a possibility that this dream has warned Fundy about these people in the past, only for Fundy to forget about the dream. What about this time though, who is this “him” that’s going to betray Fundy during this time period? Well, the easy answer would be Quackity, but Bad could be a possibility as well. With the hint towards Quackity at the end, I do believe that Quackity would be the main suspect, but it’s also good to keep an open mind as we don’t know much of who Fundy’s involved with in Season 3.

Now, why would Fundy be able to forget about the dreams, though? I do think that whoever is responsible for writing the books are doing their best to prevent Fundy from uncovering the truth. Who do I think are the book authors? Well, I don’t think they were lying when they said that they were Fundy. I believe that, just like the Dream voice in Ranboo’s head, the Fundy that writes books would be some sort of conscience or subconscious in Fundy’s mind. This part of the mind holds certain memories repressed by Fundy, as well as some of the insecurities he chooses to ignore. They are aware of all of Fundy’s past visits of this dream, and they know the dangers of it, which is why they want Fundy to not uncover the truth. 

The signed book claims that whatever Fundy sees in the dream will seep out into reality. Knowing this, I believe Fundy’s subconscious is trying to prevent Fundy from seeking out the truth to prevent these future visions from happening in real life; this especially applies to events that involve Fundy possibly being hurt. There is a possibility that this Fundy has seen past Fundy’s discover events like the Camarvan and the loss of Wilbur occur in dreams way past before it occurred in real life, so they feel afraid that our Fundy would uncover more and more truths that would become reality. While we don’t know if Other Fundy’s beliefs on future predicting is true, this gives us a better understanding of why they want Fundy to go to bed and wake up. (Additionally, the Other Fundy has placed emphasis on saying that the truth may hurt Fundy, so there is a possibility that these future events might involve something that heightens Fundy’s insecurities more. That’s why this Fundy seems to be so aware of Fundy’s insecurities- they have witnessed Fundy’s insecurities being used against him in certain visions.)

For the memory thing, so far, I believe a part of Fundy’s mind is actively suppressing all the memories Fundy has of his dreams. Fundy already represses a lot of his insecurities, so using Fundy’s insecurities against him might actually enable them to keep Fundy’s memories about the dream locked in the corners of his mind. The place where the book is kept in is underground, after all, but we do have to keep in mind that the building is getting closer and closer to Fundy’s main base. This could symbolize that Fundy will remember his dreams more once he wakes up.

So basically, so far, Fundy has dreamt this dream multiple times in the past, and during each dream, he witnesses an event in the future that could possibly happen in real life. Fundy’s subconscious, or possibly past versions of Fundy, are trying to warn future Fundy’s to not uncover too many truths about the dream as they believe this could possibly manifest terrible events to happen in real life. To get Fundy to go back to bed, they try scaring Fundy, using his insecurities against him, only this time, Fundy is a bit more disobedient because, again, he feels like he has nothing left to lose. 

Another theory I have which I’m not 100% sure about is that this Other Fundy, as much as it has good intentions, may have committed a mistake when they tried to get Fundy to bed by using his insecurities. If anything in the dream may happen in real life, them heightening Fundy’s insecurities might pass over to the real world as well. While scaring Fundy could prevent him from uncovering the truth, it might’ve also been a double-edged sword as Fundy is more aware of his insecurities more than ever.

Continuing on, Fundy decided to leave the building, seeing that it’s night time. He sounds relieved knowing that he can sleep and that he can wake up from this dream. He celebrates for a moment, throwing the book away, but then he hesitates, saying he wants to know the truth. He picks the book up again but doesn’t read it immediately, claiming that he could just sleep instead of knowing the truth.

Fundy seems to revel in the idea of waking up for a bit until he mentions how much of a “blast” he can have with everyone once he wakes up. After mentioning this, he immediately picks up the book with no hesitation. This is the second time Fundy is shown to be motivated in finding the truth about his dreams because of him realizing how unfun the real world is. Again, Fundy is seen to be motivated by the fact that he has nothing left to lose, and as much as he is scared of this dream, he seems to prefer finding this world’s truth over going back into the real world where he’s practically alone.

Moving on, the book continues:

“however…

while this might be the case of dreams…

this is also the case for nightmares…

this is your last warning Fundy

please… for the both of us…

just wake up”

This part of the book simply affirms all I’ve theorized about earlier. The Other Fundy hints that some events that Fundy might witness in his dream would be detrimental to Fundy, which is why he doesn’t want Fundy to continue exploring. He knows that Fundy will possibly manifest an event that will ruin him in real life, so he wants Fundy to sleep instead of accidentally manifesting his demise.

vii. FOURTH DAY

Fundy then wakes up once more, complaining that this dream never ends. He goes outside, seeing a black, hooded figure slowly turn around and chase him. With a quickened heartbeat, he runs up his stairs to sleep in a black bed placed on the roof. Fundy screams as we see the hooded figure approach, and the screen fades to black. A white smiley face reminiscent of the one on Quackity’s skin appears on the screen as casino slots sound effects play in the background.

Now, what do I make of this? Well, firstly, we gotta point out that his bed at the end looked EERILY similar to a gravestone. A lot of websites claim that sleeping in a gravestone or seeing a gravestone could indicate change, especially when it comes to overcoming one’s sadness or problems. In a literal sense, we can think of it as something foreshadowing a future canon death, especially if we think that the person chasing Fundy is the grim reaper.

Speaking of that person, I do have a couple of explanations as to who this person is:

The person is death themselves, the grim reaper. This is the common conclusion everyone believes in, especially when we consider this “him” person possibly hurting Fundy, and that second skull in the underground room. Quackity is the main culprit for now, especially with that smiley face in the end, but there could be other possibilities! Like, what if someone takes Fundy’s canon life before he joins Quackity, which is why the smiley face only popped up after Fundy’s dream death? Mayhaps someone affiliated with Quackity might be doing the dirty work for him, so Bad, Sam, Dream, and anyone, really, could be responsible for Fundy’s future canon death. Moreover, the fact that this death occurs affirms the beliefs of the Other Fundy. The Other Fundy merely wants Fundy to be safe from possibly manifesting his demise in real life, but Fundy’s curiosity got the best of him, and in the next sequence, he was killed, proving that the Other Fundy was right in saying that Fundy should’ve just slept.

A theory I made up which I’m not 100% sure of is that this figure is actually Fundy’s subconscious trying to get him to sleep. When Fundy was being chased, we heard a quickened heartbeat, and where was the only other time we heard that? When Fundy was reading the “WAKE UP” and “you’re not real” messages from those books. We can view this as the Other Fundy’s attempt in trying to get Fundy to actually sleep by using another scare tactic against Fundy. And well… it did work! Because Fundy was afraid of this figure, Fundy went to sleep. There is also a possibility that this occurrence is what makes Fundy forget about the dream because his subconscious got a hold of Fundy and forcibly made him forget, but I’m not 100% sure about that one yet.

Lastly, the face! That should already allude to Fundy possibly joining Quackity’s lore, and with the “38 potatoes” symbolizing business opportunities, I expect Fundy to be joining Las Nevadas as a possible employee. Quackity does, in fact, prey on people who are insecure, and can easily get them to do whatever he wants because of his words. If he can get Sam to give him the tools needed to torture Dream, Quackity might exploit Fundy’s loneliness into making him do whatever Quackity wants from him. 

Another face that this could possibly connect to is the face in the Egg lair! While I’m leaning more towards Quackity because of the casino sounds, I do wanna say that the Egg and the Eggpire could possibly be connected as well, especially when the Egg could provide Fundy anything he wants. Just like how Quackity could prey on Fundy’s insecurities, the Egg preys on those who feel like they’re missing something, so as much as Fundy could be manipulated by Quackity, he could also be manipulated by the Egg. Additionally, business opportunities could apply to the Eggpire as well as they’ve contacted Purpled in the past to assassinate Puffy, so who’s to say they won’t try adding Fundy to the Eggpire?

TLDR; This entire stream showcased both Fundy’s insecurities and Fundy’s future predicting powers and how this “Other Fundy”, aka his subconscious, wants him to repress them because they believe that if Fundy uncovers the secrets of his dream more, then Fundy would accidentally manifest his demise in real life. Additionally, Fundy is very lonely, making him vulnerable of being used in the future because he is desperate to get any type of recognition from anybody. In summary, be afraid of Fundy’s future lore streams, be very afraid.

viii. ADDITIONAL NOTES

Even when I finish this, there’s a lot of questions to ask about this stream that I want you to keep in mind:

How many times has Fundy encountered this before?

How does Fundy forget all the information he got from the dreams?

How does Fundy write to himself?

Why is there so many details connected to Karl, and what does it have to do with time travelling?

Why does Fundy return to his bed every time his heartbeat quickens when reading a book?

Was the first scene part of the dream or not?

Could the underground room’s structure actually mean something?

And there’s probably more, but just saying, keep an open mind about this entire stream because there’s definitely a lot more to uncover.

I want to reiterate: I am not the Messiah, so don’t take my word as the truth and the absolute truth. I’d love to hear your thoughts about Fundy’s stream as a lot of it could be up for speculation! The entire thing is filled to the brim with symbolisms, so there could be a lot of interpretations to consider. If you enjoyed this, feel free to like and retweet because I worked my ASS off with this one. 

Special thanks to the following:

Fundy and any of the Dream SMP members because that stream was INCREDIBLE. Go give them your love and support.

kingjem for always being there whenever I want to discuss any ideas I have about the Dream SMP. One of the smartest bitches I know, go follow them.

To all my betas who reviewed this document since I have a TON of grammar mistakes (thanks English): prismartist, bootsforthebootsgod, Finni_june (twt), ender-hyperfocuses-on-things, and Dngertosociety2 (twt)

And to all of you who like this post and would share it to other people! All support is appreciated. :D

[sserpente]

A/N: Requests from three anons. After the fluff comes the smut! (Is that how it goes? Probably not.) Enjoy, my lovelies! ♥

Words: 2691 Warnings: smut and shameless thirsting for Loki

“The bed sheets are to be changed at the end of the week but please do not worry about hurrying to make the bed in the morning. He enjoys his solitude and peace in the early hours of the day.”

You nodded, mentally taking a note of this. Frigga was heart-warming, kind. You could barely believe she was Thor's and Loki's mother. Be that as it may, you would fulfil your duties as Frigga's chamber maid to her satisfaction. Loki’s was sick this week, bed worn with a heavy case of the Asgardian flu and she had asked you to also take care of Loki's chambers this week.

Unlike his brother and much to your surprise, Loki did not have many demands. He would ask for books brought to him from the library for when he returned from a long day on the training grounds, he wished for fresh fruit (mainly grapes) and wine on his table at his immediate disposal at all times and in the mornings, you were to bring him his breakfast personally.

You were hesitant, for even though you could use the extra wage, Loki... he intimidated you. He intimidated you in a sexual manner. Tall, strong and elegant, it was short of a miracle the women were not falling to his feet like they did with Thor. How could they prefer the God of Thunder over him anyway? Loki was intelligent and witty, always up for a trick and eloquent on top of that. You liked his mischievous vein, even though you could never possibly admit that out loud. Loki's presence made your heart beat rapidly—and his curious, sometimes even seductive looks he observed you with during public feasts where you served drinks and food... they made your knickers damp and your blood heat up. It was wrong to desire him, so you knew. You were a mere chambermaid, unworthy of even thinking about an intimate encounter and yet... his long body and smooth voice had been haunting you at night ever since you had become Frigga’s chambermaid.

You were more than ready to lose your virginity, finally. No man had been inside you yet, no one had claimed you as his. Working as a chambermaid, your opportunities to meet proper men obviously remained ridiculously little, and you were far too proud to give yourself to an unexperienced stable boy. Even when Odin had royal visitors whom you served in his palace rarely paid attention to a simple chambermaid when they could have one of the other beautiful women with a status in the throne room. Besides, your mother had taught you that it was forbidden for an unmarried woman to desire intimacy without a spouse, forbidden to desire a prince at that.

“Loki can be a very gentle man once you get to know him better. Yet I will ask him to behave around you. I know he can be rather intimidating.” Frigga said just then, her hand touching your shoulder in a comforting manner. Once again, you nodded shyly as you came to a halt in front of Loki's door and knocked hesitantly. His smooth voice sent shivers up and down your spine the moment he spoke up and invited you into the lion’s cave…

“Yes?”

“My prince? I, uh… my name is (Y/N). The queen sent me to take care of your chambers this week.”

He looked as handsome as ever. Dressed in more casual clothing than usual, he was sat at his desk with his legs on the table, reading peacefully. Your mouth watered when he licked his index finger to turn the page.

The God of Mischief looked up from his book. “Ah yes…” A playful glistening erupted in his blue eyes like a fiery volcano. “My mother told me she would be finding replacement. I know you. You help out the kitchen maids during feasts, do you not?”

“I do, your highness.”

“My mother has acquainted you with my habits, I presume?” He said, raising his eyebrows slightly.

“She has, your highness.”

“Very well then… I shall be looking forward to an… entertaining week.” Your heart skipped a beat.

-

Panting, you turned over to avoid the wet spot your arousal had left on your thin mattress. Your hand emerged from between your legs, your shaking fingers sleek with your juices. How many times this night had you touched yourself simply by thinking about how concentrated Loki had still been reading in his chambers today when you came to bring him fresh fruit and wine? You had not missed the thoughtful and knowing glances he had shot you, nor had you failed to notice the hint of a smirk both playing on his thin lips and sparkling in his eyes. He kept doing it, knowing very well what it did to you, no? He must have known. Loki was the most perceptive man on Asgard. Perhaps he already knew your reactions to him better than you did yourself. But it could not happen. Frigga might have asked him to be nice to you after you had left but that did not mean he could not have his fun with you and tease you, relentlessly, until you begged him to fuck you senseless, right in his bed while you dug your nails into the green silken sheets. You wanted to have sex so badly—to have a man sheath himself deep inside of you, to have him take you thoroughly… but… you wanted to have this with Loki.

Grunting quietly, you buried your head under your pillow and forced your eyes shut in an attempt to sleep. His blue eyes kept haunting you even in your dreams.

-

“Your highness? Your breakfast is ready.”

“Come in.”

Quietly, you pushed the door open and rolled the serving cart inside. Your cheeks turned bright red when you spotted Loki lying on the bed half... if not entirely naked in his bed. The green sheets left little to nothing for your imagination, the silken fabric complimenting his rather pale but still well-defined skin. A smirk played on his lips upon noticing your staring.

“G-good morning, your highness.” You choked out. Loki chuckled darkly.

“Good morning.” He purred the words as if he meant to seduce you and quite possibly... he was. You had never imagined him to be so smug, to be honest. Compared to his brother, Loki has always seemed to be the reasonable and rational one, however humbler; and you were still sure that in some aspects, he was. He knew, he knew, he knew... a betraying voice in your head whispered. You swallowed thickly.

“Your, uh, breakfast.”

“Thank you, dear.” He was still smirking and you were sure that by the time you hurried to leave his chambers again and shut the door behind you, you could hear him laughing mischievously.

“Are you not going to join me?” He suddenly said when you nodded and turned to leave his chambers for good.

“I, uh, what? My... surely it’s not my place to...”

“It sure is if I ask for some company while having breakfast.” He waved his hand nonchalantly. “Entertain me.”

“I… your highness, I have to prepare your mother’s breakfast too.” You replied sheepishly.

Loki only suppressed a smirk.

“Very well then…” Now why did you have the feeling that this had sounded like… a promising threat?

-

You kept dancing around one another for the rest of the week. Loki would watch you hungrily and practically undress you with his eyes and you would try and avoid him, do your duties and masturbate to his mischievous chuckles at night. Soon now, you would be out of danger. The week was almost over. All you had left to do was changing his sheets and flee his bloody chambers, forever. Never again would you agree to replace Loki's usual chambermaid.

You had expected for the younger prince to have left by now, to go on a ride with his brother and then train with some einherjar. But apparently, that was not the case. When you entered, his fresh bed sheets in hand, Loki was sitting by his desk reading a book.

“Oh, your highness... I'm sorry, I thought you were out. S-should I come back later?”

“That won't be necessary. Go on.”

Your heart was already leaping out of your chest as you stepped closer, the door falling shut behind you as if your fate had been sealed.

Trembling slightly—and ignoring how your core heated up when you felt his curious gaze on you, you turned your back to him and began to change his sheets with sweating palms. Ten seconds passed. Twenty, then thirty.

Then, suddenly, you felt his body warmth in your back—his hot breath against your neck. You gasped when he wrapped his arms around your middle, exploring your curves through the simple fabric of your dress.

His mouth attacked the sensitive skin of your back, inhaling your scent deeply before biting down—hard. A scream, both terrified and aroused, escaped your lips. Struggling against his steel grip, you fought against the need to press yourself against him and offer him your body to do with as he pleased. This urge… no, it had to be wrong. Even though it felt right.

“Y-your highness... Loki.... w-what are you doing? P-please... s-stop...”

“Do you truly wish for me to stop?” He growled into your ear. No. No you did not. Feeling his strong body against yours, it felt heavenly. But you were still a mere chambermaid. Odin would possibly throw you in the dungeons if you herded with his second-born son. It was not your place to desire, not your place to... oh... you whimpered when Loki turned you around so you were forced to face him, his lips crashing down on yours and his hands disappearing under your dress which he impatiently pushed up, digits probing your naked thighs and tearing your knickers in two as if they were made of paper.

He already knew how wet he would find you for him, still, your sleek petals caught him off guard and he let out an animalistic growl when his fingers found your clitoris and began toying with it.

You were tempted to closed your legs, to flee... instead, your body finally leaned into him; spreading your legs even further to give him more access. Unceremoniously, Loki lifted you up and threw you on his bed, earning him a terrified squeal from you. It was a moment you needed for your mind to follow rational thinking. Breathing heavily, you attempted to crawl away but the God of Mischief had already seen it coming. Your futile attempt to escape was foiled when he pinned you on the mattress, leaving you helpless and utterly defenceless underneath his strong body. Once again, Loki devoured your neck with relish, kissing, licking and biting until he grew tired of having only half your body at his immediate disposal and proceeded rip the rest of your clothing apart. Your breasts bounced free, your already hardening nipples tightening up even more due to the sudden cool breeze and Loki’s greedy blue eyes on you.

“Your highness... please...”

You could not tell whether you were asking him to keep going or to stop.

“You have been longing for me to sheath myself deep inside of you ever since you first set a foot into this palace, no? Admit it…” He lowered his mouth onto one of your buds, sucking it between his teeth. Your fingers dug into his raven hair.

“I…”

You could feel his arousal pressing against your naked thighs, even through the tight leather fabric of his trousers. Impatiently, he freed his awaiting length, his mouth never parting from your skin.

“Have you got any idea…” He mumbled against the underside of your left breast, “…what you have been doing to me this past week? Teasing me like this… dancing around me…”

What? Indignantly, you opened your mouth. “I… I wasn’t… you… you kept staring at… me as if you meant to… eat me alive!” You panted. Loki growled in an animalistic manner.

“Well, perhaps I will… but first, I need to have you. No one can know of this, yes?” He hissed—although it was phrased like a question, it downright sounded like a threat; and for some peculiar reason, even if your lack of keeping this encounter a secret would have serious consequences both for Loki and yourself, you had the feeling his personal punishment for you would involve nothing but pleasure.

You nodded, biting your lower lip as you did, for you could already feel his tip nudging your petals. Painfully slow, he parted them to give himself access, eliciting a moan from you as you threw your head back in pure bliss.

Loki wasted no time—if what he said was true and you had made him as hot and bothered as he had made you these past days, he must have been desperate for his release… and you could barely wait for him to take it from you, to use your hot cave, claim you and make you his… you were certain you were not going to be left out in the cold. At this point, he had already gotten you worked up so much it would take only a few strokes of his skilled fingers to bring you to the edge of pleasure and make you cum underneath him.

“Please, Loki…” You did not know if you were even entitled to call him by his name but in this very second, you could not care less. You whimpered when he finally pushed inside you, defeating what little resistance your body offered despite your wetness and burying himself inside your core.

Your walls clenched around him at once, moulding around him as if you had been made for his cock. Had he known you would feel this good, he would have dragged you into his bed much sooner. His fingers intertwined with yours, his mouth capturing yours in a passionate kiss once more, but only when you wrapped your legs around his hips to urge him on did he start moving inside you. He retreated almost entirely only to plunge himself inside of you again almost roughly, desperate for relief.

There was no pain really, the unfamiliar feeling quickly replaced with a tingly feeling spreading in your entire body. Finally… this was so much different from masturbating, so much different from secretly stealing a carrot or a cucumber from the kitchens to feel filled.

Loki thrust into you viciously, his hot breath against your lips and your whimpers fuelling his own arousal. Moaning shamelessly, you bucked your hips up to meet his strokes, your back arching as your body climbed the ladder of orgasm higher and higher. It was then he buried himself as deep inside you as he possibly could, the feeling both a little uncomfortable and arousing as he grinded against you, his pelvis rubbing against your clit. You could not help it, not any longer. Screaming his name, you came, your nails leaving angry scratch marks on his back, your peak of pleasure numbing your entire body. He too found his release. Groaning into your mouth, his hard member twitched against your tight walls, coating them with his warm seed. With but a few more thrusts helping you ride out both your climaxes, he collapsed on the bed but made sure to roll you both over so you came to lie on top of him instead.

For a few moments, his chambers were filled with nothing but your rapid breathing. Then, suddenly, he chuckled. This time, his smile was honest, content. “What an interesting turn of events…”

You giggled too, burying your face in his chest. He smelled wonderful. Like an autumn forest, ice and molten metal all at the same time.

“I will let my mother know that I prefer you as my chambermaid and that I would like to keep you permanently. That you will stick to your duties... from now on. Surely, we can come to an arrangement.”

“As you wish, your highness.”

-

A/N: Check out my blog to find more Imagines and take a glimpse at my  first (to be) published novel! If you enjoyed this story, I would  appreciate so much if you supported me on Kofi! ko-fi.com/sserpente ♥

[nightswithkookmin]

I am a hard Taekook shipper but recently Jikook have been melting my heart by being so cute and cudly and loving. I understand and i am sorry for so mhch hate from Taekookers but trust me Taekookers are a bit shaken right now. I cannot disclose my name here but i would like to say if Jikook is real or they decide to come out which i higly doubt then i am 100% in support and also ur page helped me open my eyes and see a diff sude of shipping which is needed alot more. I am Loving Love ryt now.

C'est la vie!

So sorry for the late response love. You've always been on my mind.

I get not every Taekooker is wild and rabid just as not every Joker is sane and fake woke. Lol.

I mean I'm still holding on to my grudge against your people for storming my business pages and leaving shit reviews on my books- and laughing about it? What was that? Damn. Had to change my author name and everything and I've since been publishing under an alias- let me tell you, it's no fun at all.

In retrospect, I shouldn't have called y'all's ship dead- but honestly it dead, it dried up like a drop of sweat on a dessert. What can I say? People just don't want the truth, lol- had these angry thirteen year olds and fake woke Jokers coming for my ass and my business ass on the flamingo app. Chilee. Your people don't want to be civil. Sigh.

Some people just have no sense of personal responsibility and when they get called out for it they slap you with the whole, 'no one asked you to put yourself and your business out there' - this creepy behavior and mental adroitness is not far from rapists blaming girls for wearing short shorts and mini skirts or thieves blaming people for not putting up a fence and shit to protect their property. It's fucked up.

And don't get me started on what they do to Jimin or JK... or even Tae- not to make you feel bad or anything. It's just my people suck, your people suck, we all suck square- don't apologize for it unless you plan on doing something to change it?

As for Taekook, yea I don't think there is anything wrong with shipping them. They have a beautiful bond, they are both visuals and both funny as hell. If you won't ship them I will. Lol.

Just know the reason you are shipping them? If you are shipping them because you genuinely believe they are a couple too then you need to stop shipping them and start supporting them?

And once you start supporting them then I think you'd sooner realize there isn't anything there to support in the first place. Lol.

I support Jikook because I believe with my full chest they are real and are closeted- emphasis on closeted. And for the record, they are the only queer couples in BTS.

Tae lost his queer card when he accidentally outed Jimin on that radio show. 'I think he likes men' yea, straight up het behavior. Lack of homo sensitivity.

Did you see JK's reaction when JM was asked to spill tea on their pervy behaviors behind cams? My butt quivered. Chilee, I thought he was gone out JK too. Damn.

I think the word real and closeted have come loose and cheap on these streets these days. I don't think most of these shippers when they throw it around fully understand the term or realise what it means and what it takes. If they did, they wouldn't randomly be labeling every ship as 'real' within the fandom.

If you believe Taekook is real and that they are equally hiding their sexuality as well as their relationship within the group, then you should understand how severe and traumatizing this fact is and would be for them as gay men?

The thing is, they are not just hiding parts of themselves and their identity for the sake of their careers or military or whatever if they are real, they are lying to millions, millions of people at a time about who they really are by keeping their identity a secret. Secrets are lies honey, however way we want to see it.

If they are real then they are concealing their true identity away from not just their families and friends- if they haven't come out to them, but acquaintances from work, businesses who wouldn't work with them otherwise, brands, sponsors, Heads of states, their fans....

It's one thing for a heterosexual to keep their heterosexual relationship a secret, it's another for a queer person to keep their queerness and or queer relationship a secret.

A lie as heavy as this is bound to take a toll on them, no matter how good they are at hiding it. A secret gets heavy before it gets easy. Not to sell you on anything but do you see any such secret taking a toll on Taekook? Because I see it taking a toll on Jikook.

Do you believe Taekook are closeted? Because I believe Jikook are.

Being closeted means they have to carry the guilt of knowing that each time they pander to heteronormative roles in variety shows or interviews, or imply by omissions that they are straight, or make generalizing statements about their sexuality to avoid addressing their sexuality directly or give it away, that they are lying to people and spewing half truths- seven years in a roll.

Being closeted is not a joke. It's heavy. I think you need to grasp this before you claim it for anyone.

People like to throw the 'closeted' phrase around willy nilly but fail to comprehend its weight and complexity and consequences especially for people that they believe are actually queer.

It's not easy lying to people about who you are. Unless you are a pathological liar and a psychopath, it's like drowning each day you wake up. You die a little each time. Your sexuality is a huge part of your identity and when you deny it for so long by lying and suppressing it, it's like shutting out a peice of yourself and silencing your own voice. The more you push it aside the louder it screams and the harder it fights to come out.

It's a state of constant internal struggle. You wake up everyday contemplating whether to risk the perfect life you've spent years building just so you can turn off the guilt that comes with keeping a secret of this nature.

And each time you get better at omitting or generalizing and evading questions that hint at your truth, the more you hate yourself and the more guilt you feel. This guilt can become a driving force that pushes you to make risky moves and take impulsive actions such as 'borderline outing your relationship'- does that sound like Taekook to you?

If you are not driven by the love you feel for your partner, you are driven by the guilt and neither is a great place to be if you are queer.

You lie everyday, you get caught up in the lies and soon you start believing in the web of lies you've woven around yourself such that you don't even recognize who you are or why you are, anymore. As such, you are constantly searching for yourself, to reconcile the bits you've hidden away and perhaps forgotten, and you keep exploring your identity because you are unsettled- honey, that sounds more like Jikook than Taekook to me but c'est la vie.

Being closeted is not about moments that get cut by editors, or less interactions, or being seperated or seated further apart from eachother. These are just ship street parlance. Being closeted is an attitudinal, internal attribute rather than external manipulations or influences- it's a science. Lol

Coming out may be risky for any of these boys if they are real, but I promise you hiding is much harder for them.

And so When I look at Taekook, and I see how beautiful they are yet I don't in God's honest truth see them 'dealing' with any or all of these struggles Jikook deal with or have dealt with at one point, in my opinion- forget the homophobia, the wanting to come out, the low key microaggressions they deal with even within the group- 'the Jk never stops crying,' 'the real men don't do this and that talk' talk, the toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia traits JK and Jimin used to exhibit in their early days talking about 'real men don't twerk,' 'real men don't wear rings on their pinky'- all the times Jimin have had to defend his masculinity or even femininity, or stand up for Kook's within the group. 'Men, men, men. What is men?'

Jikook are the only two within the group that in my opinion have struggled most with their identity, with embracing aspects of themselves; you hear them complain about 'living a lie' 'tired of hiding, lying' and all these are themes consistent with closet behavior that they've both explored in one way or the other and even as of 2020 they are still dealing with or 'exploring' their identities perhaps as a means to reconcile their true selves? I'm really struggling with this post because I don't wanna get salesy on your ass. Lol.

Don't get me wrong, Tae struggles and deals with issues too- mostly with loneliness, lowkey depression in my opinion, lowkey bullying- sometimes, lol and he often expresses a desire to find someone and be happy and yet 'his supporters' don't recognize that...

You can wait till Jikook come out officially as queer, if they ever chose to, to support them- Or you can choose to support them and love them now because that's what they need in order to officially come out as and when they choose to? Ok I'm being salesy. Lmho. I'll stop. Don't mind me. But think about it.

Ship whatever ship you want but support Jikook. It's all I'm asking. And by support, I mean don't exhibit any anti homosexual attitude towards them- deadass. You and I gone fight, square up toe to toe, if you do. Lol.

People don't need to be afraid of Jikook. They just need to treat them as human beings and not reduce them to a mere ship. They are a ship too yes, but they are more than that if you ask me.

You sound nice. I love you. I'm glad you enjoy my posts. Merry Christmas and cheers to our ships.

Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Signed,

GOLDY

[ravenskeepofficial]

Welcome to #SymbolSaturday!

Today we will go into detail about the dream symbol “house”. If you think back to the time we first talked about this symbol, you may remember that it came with a lot of information. I will try to break it down to the essentials, so you can work with the information I’ll give you.

But first we will need to talk about how to use this information.

Dream analysis may sound intimidating and somehow occult, yet it is pretty straight-forward. The way I do it is by taking the things that I dreamed about _without giving them any additional interpretation_. I just take them as they are (e. g. “blue house”, “broken window”, “rain”) and look them up in my lexicon (if I’m not a 100% certain about the meaning, and even then, I might still look it up).

I make sure to make notes of the different meanings one by one, and then (and only then!) I look at them as a group, looking for the connection between the symbols. Note that things like “broken window” may need to be separated into two searches (“broken” and “window”) and then combined to one image before looking at the whole group.

Now, on to the Symbol…

HOUSE.

The question connected to this symbol is, “What do I believe or fear relating to me?”

The house, familiar or not, usually represents the dreamer’s Ego/Personality. It will almost always refer to how the dreamer “builds” their life, and how it looks inside him.

Rooms and other areas of the house represent parts of the dreamer’s personality and experiences. It is important to pay attention to the state of the rooms: How does it look? Is it tidy, empty, messy? If something in the room stands out, it’s also worth looking into: Is there a big desk, a broken window, a bouquet of flowers? All of these are keywords to look up in the lexicon!

To explore the house can symbolise the beginning of self-discovery, especially if the house was familiar, but the rooms were different.

The study refers to work discipline. This doesn’t always need to be job related, but can also refer to work on relationships, friendships, etc.

The bathroom refers to the dreamer’s cleanliness and intimate thoughts. It can refer to a spiritual cleansing, or to the need for the dreamer to morally purge themselves. The toilet often represents letting go of old memories, guilt, etc.

A library would represent the mind, and how the dreamer works with information. It may also stand for the dreamer’s need to learn something. The books in the shelves might give you a better idea of the details.

The roof represents the mind and intellect.

The attic represents experiences from the past and old memories. Here the dreamer will often find suppressed and forgotten memories. It may also give them a hint on what kind of clutter they still hold on to.

The dining room and the living room are pretty similar; both are spaces of social conversation. Only the focus in the dining room is on food. The question here is, what does the dreamer consume, and why?

The kitchen represents the motherly side (may be different if the dreamer’s dad took care of the cooking—this is why it is necessary to always keep the context in mind), and how information is processed.

The house front represents the ‘social mask’ aka ‘Persona’ the dreamer wears for the public.

The fundament represents, you guessed it, the fundaments of the dreamer’s life. Those can be financial security, but also opinions, expectations, etc.

The corridors represent how the dreamer interacts with other people, and how the dreamer refers to them. Remember that the corridors connect rooms, and with that practically the different aspects of the dreamer.

A basement usually represents the subconscious, and experiences with which the dreamer hasn’t dealt properly. It also represents spiritual/mental depth, and sometimes even hidden qualities. If you didn’t grow up with a basement, think of other places with a similar use (e. g. conservatory).

The bedroom represents sex, but also death and birth of the dreamer.

This is only a small overview of all possible symbols. As said before, it is important to look at these things in the context of the dreamer’s experiences, but also in the context of each other (after the initial sorting and defining). Things like the wallpapers, state of the house, the rooms, music playing, things or creatures in this house, are also important to form a complete picture.

Yours truly,

S

[wistfulcynic]

I've read everything you published and I loved all of it. One of your fics that I love dearly is "on what they fall". You portray Killian's feelings and conflicts beautifully in that work. I'd like to know how you do to create such complex characters with such detailed thought process and complex feelings? How much of it you outline the beforehand? Thank you!

Thank you anon, for the question and for reading!

On What They Fall is one of my favourites as well, because it strikes the angsty note that I’d been trying to get right in other stories but not quite hitting it, as well as being a chance to explore some interesting versions of Emma and Killian. 

Characterisation is one of my favourite things because it’s so interesting to me to explore how different circumstances of birth and upbringing can affect people. Emma and Killian offer really fascinating opportunities for that because they both have very strong innate personality traits but also a great deal of their canon traits are arguably the result of their experiences. I’ve spoken before about Emma’s WALLS(TM) and how they are presented by the show as a defining character trait but realistically an Emma raised by her parents in a loving home would not have them. That Emma would still be tough and brave and want to help people and do the right thing, and I think she would also still be guarded with her emotions but unlike canon Emma she would not be so afraid of feeling things or of what she feels. Presenting softer, more openly loving versions of Emma (like the one in OWTF) is something I very much enjoy. 

As for Killian, he’s just my favourite thing ever. There’s so much to him, so much to mine and so many opportunities to play with the circumstances of his life and how they would bring out different aspects to his character. In OWTF I focused on something I hadn’t explored with him before, which is his inquisitive nature and desire for adventure. It’s just hinted at in the show, but I’ve always felt that Killian knew what to say to Milah to get her to come with him because he really felt for her, being stuck in a tiny village with no opportunities to see all the things that are out there in the world. If Killian himself were trapped in that kind of situation he would absolutely implode from the combination of boredom, frustration, resentment, and self-loathing that it would inspire. He is someone who needs adventure and self-determination in order to feel that his life has meaning. And that species of Killian provides the perfect foil for an Emma indulgently raised by loving parents. He would obviously adore her and also feel that there was no way he could ever hope to be what she needed or deserved. Meanwhile, Emma would see all the good things in Killian that the circumstances of his life keep suppressed and would love him hard for them, and be absolutely destroyed by his refusal to accept her love. 

That’s a very long-winded way of saying that the characters are really already there. Canon gives us so much to work with in all the things hinted at and undeveloped about both Emma and Killian, and also all the things that can be played with in their backstories to bring out different aspects to them. When I write AU versions of them I just take all of that, discard the things that don’t work in my AU, and develop the things that do work as much as possible. And of course I am always, always thinking about feelings and how to demonstrate them, because that is also my jam. The messier and more complex the better. 

This is a Wall of Text already, but I’d also like to touch on your question about outlining, because the planning actually plays a huge role in the character development. I lay out the basic plot of the story and then think “okay, how would these characters act in this situation? How would they feel?” etc etc. It’s something I didn’t do when I started writing and learning how to do it has made things so much easier that I wouldn’t even attempt to write without a plan anymore. 

Thanks so much for the great questions! 

-

it’s fic writer Friday, ask me anything! 

[elyvorg]

Celeste Chapter 9: When Your Self Returns The Favour

Celeste already had a solid, self-contained story that reaches a wonderfully satisfying conclusion. When I heard that a bonus chapter was on its way, I wasn't really expecting it to have much story to it, because I didn't really think there was any significantly more story that needed to be told here. It was probably a little naive of me to think that, really. Regardless of how lovely the original ending was, of course Madeline's mental illness was never gone, and so it is indeed quite possible to show her facing a new, different struggle, since life can always throw you curveballs to make things worse again.

The thing is, it would have been so easy to write this chapter such that it simply rehashed the exact same kind of conflict the main story had between Madeline and her Shadow (that's what I'll be calling Part of Her in this post, just like I did in my other one, which I recommend you read first if you haven't already). But what's really great about chapter 9 is that that's not what happens at all. What we get instead is a story which serves rather beautifully as something of a mirror image of before, while also illustrating exactly why the conclusion that was reached last time and the message of that story was so, so important.

Spoilery levels of detail incoming, obviously, for both chapter 9 and the main story. If you haven't played Celeste already, you still very much should (but maybe only watch chapter 9 unless you're insanely good at platformers).

On its surface, chapter 9 is a story about dealing with grief. And that alone is great enough, although I'm not really the one to talk about why that particular aspect of it is so good, both because I can't personally relate to this kind of struggle, and because things being a dream mean it gets quite symbolic and I'm not super well-versed in interpreting that kind of symbolism. (I'd be really interested to see other people's thoughts on that aspect, though, if any exist!) But what I love most about the chapter and am going to talk about at length here is how the grief presents a new challenge for Madeline to overcome that serves as a basis for even more of the really delightful character writing of Madeline and her Shadow that Celeste is so good at. It explores the concept of Shadows - the part of you that you repress from the surface, which is what Part of Madeline is and why I'm calling her that - in ways that I'd never really considered before, even though I love this concept enough to have thought about it a lot outside of a Celeste context as well.

Madeline's regression

So, Madeline had grown very close to Granny in the intervening years, such that when Granny passed away, Madeline completely couldn't handle it and fell apart to the point that her depression and anxiety, which she'd started to have somewhat under control, got the better of her again. The chapter itself begins when at some point, things get so bad that Madeline goes and has an elaborate, deeply psychological dream born of her desperation to convince herself that Granny isn't truly gone somehow. Granny simply being alive again would be too obviously impossible for her to be able to fool herself with, though, so instead her mind comes up with the vaguely more plausible idea that the bird was Part of Granny (who knows? Maybe it actually was! But that doesn't really matter here because this is just in Madeline's head), and that if Part of Granny is still around then maybe Granny can somehow be brought back. Her justifications change all the time throughout the dream as to what exactly she is planning to do by chasing after the bird - bring Granny back, set Granny free, save Granny. At one point her Shadow tries to ask her what her endgame is, because she very clearly doesn't actually have one. She's just being driven by a desperate desire to not give up on Granny, somehow, however that can be achieved, because in the end all Madeline wants is to not wake up back to a world with no Granny in it.

It also appears that Madeline's grief has caused her to regress somewhat in the way she's thinking of her Shadow. Last time on the Mountain, Madeline thought of her Shadow as bad and monstrous and the source of all her problems that she'd be fine if she could just get rid of. By the end she'd learned that was wrong, that her Shadow was an unremovable part of her whom she needed to accept and work with and be kind to, because after all, she's still her. Presumably she spent most of the intervening years doing just that, as you'd expect after she'd learned how important that was. But here we can see Madeline slipping back into old habits from before the Mountain: "I'm done letting her hold me back", when her Shadow shouldn't have been holding her back for a while now; "Just shut up and help me for once", when she understood in the end that her Shadow has always been trying to help her; that one bit in the tutorial, which was all from Madeline's thoughts since this is a dream, saying "And Part of You won't help (she's the worst)", when no, she isn't, you should know this, Madeline.

The reason Madeline's started doing this again seems to be about her fervently disagreeing with the way her Shadow has been trying to get them to deal with Granny's death. Based on the conversations they have about it, it seems Shadow Madeline has been trying to run away from their pain by pushing them to just get over it and move on so that they'll stop hurting. (Which is to say, even outside of the dream in which she can actually talk to her Shadow, Madeline knows there's a part of her beneath the surface that's been secretly wanting that.) It's not the healthiest approach to try and act like Granny's death doesn't hurt when it still does, but at least there is an actual reachable end goal here of having moved on. This is Shadow Madeline trying to do her job as Madeline's defence mechanism and keep her functioning!

But Madeline can't stand the fact that a part of her wants to be okay with the fact that Granny's gone, so instead she lashes out at her Shadow again while trying to run away from her pain in the complete opposite direction, by running away from the very idea of Granny being truly gone in the first place. This is considerably more unhealthy than Shadow Madeline's approach, because doing so is straight-up not possible. Every reminder that Granny really is gone and there's nothing Madeline can do about it (symbolised, I assume, by the bird flying away from her and not wanting her to catch it) is just going to bring her pain back up to the surface and make things even worse as she tries harder and harder to deny it (she totally can catch that bird anyway, just you watch her give herself a tutorial on exactly how to do so). Partway through the chapter, the environment around her begins to distort and crumble, which I imagine is a representation of the damaging levels to which Madeline is trying to force herself to keep denying reality even as it becomes more and more obvious that she simply can’t change Granny's fate. Shadow Madeline's approach may not have been completely ideal, but Madeline's approach is far more decidedly not the right way to deal with this and is just making everything considerably worse.

Shadow Madeline's growth

So I know that in my previous Celeste post I linked at the beginning, I made a big point of how your Shadow is the weaker part of you. But chapter 9 made me realise something I’d never really thought about before: that that's not necessarily true! "The weaker part of you" is not inherently the definition of a Shadow; a Shadow simply the part of you that you suppress from the surface. That usually constitutes the weaker part of someone, since most people are usually trying to be strong on the surface, doing their best to overcome their problems and get through things in spite of the part of them that feels like they just can't. But that doesn't always have to be the case. In this chapter, Madeline is consciously thinking and acting in a way that is ultimately her being unable to deal with this and trying to take the easy way out. On the surface, she's being weak. But beneath that, her inner strength is still there - which is to say, in this context, her Shadow is still able to be strong. Not perfectly strong, because she was still pushing a bit too much to just move on while ignoring how much it hurts, but she is being stronger than Madeline by trying to move on in the first place.

And it's only thanks to the more positive outlook and behaviour that her Shadow has developed, because of the kindness with which Madeline learned to treat her on the Mountain, that she can be this way now. Madeline may have regressed somewhat in the progress she made on the Mountain, but Shadow Madeline very much has not. It is so lovely to see how much she's still holding onto what she learned back then. She's a lot more willingly open about how scared and unnerved she is by where Madeline is going with this, because she knows that it's okay to be scared and that voicing that won't make Madeline ashamed of her or try to push her away any more. There's no more need for her to cover that up by being biting and cruel about Madeline's recklessness. It's not quite that Shadow Madeline has completely stopped with the negative self-talk that she used to be an embodiment of; right at the beginning, there's some brief hints of that - "you didn't even go to the funeral"; "sorry won't bring her back", representing the ways Madeline has been harsh on herself for falling apart. But very quickly, Shadow Madeline seems to remember that that isn't helpful and quits with it for the rest of the chapter.

Quite possibly this is because Madeline immediately leaps into her reckless crusade of denial, and Shadow Madeline realises that she needs to help her. Last time, on the Mountain, she was still on some level trying to do her job as Madeline's defence mechanism and keep her safe, but Madeline's lifetime of pushing her away and ignoring her made Shadow Madeline convinced that simply talking to her about it would never work, and so she needed to resort to force. This only made things worse, because Madeline is so stubborn that she'd only ever respond to that by pushing back even harder in the opposite direction and exacerbating the clash between them even more. But this time, Shadow Madeline knows that, so on no level is she ever trying to force Madeline to stop. She says it herself: "I'm not forcing you. I'm asking you." Madeline's spent long enough in the intervening years making an effort to listen to her Shadow's thoughts and not shut her away, and so Shadow Madeline is now completely able to trust that Madeline will eventually listen to her now as well. All she needs to do is be patient and keep gently trying to persuade her. There's one point during their second conversation where she seems to be about to get angry and forceful like she did so often last time, but then she catches herself, breathes, and continues more calmly, because she knows that anger won't make Madeline listen to her.

On the Mountain, trying to persuade Madeline to stop was not necessarily the right thing to do. Climbing the Mountain was reckless and dangerous, but it was actually possible and Madeline did have a fairly healthy reason to want it, to prove to herself that she could achieve great things and get emotionally stronger. On the other hand, running away from a loved one's death by convincing herself she can bring them back somehow if she just tries hard enough is not healthy and not possible and she does need to be stopped from doing this. Last time, Shadow Madeline was trying to stop Madeline partly out of genuinely wanting to protect her, but also a lot out of her own hidden fear of being left behind if Madeline made it. She was mostly just telling herself she was the pragmatic part of Madeline to cover up the fact that she felt scared and useless and Madeline probably didn't need her after all. However, this time, she's trying to get Madeline to stop this for no reason other than to help her, and she's going about it in a diplomatic, non-aggressive way that she knows will eventually work. Shadow Madeline really is being the pragmatic part of her now!

One might think that, while she's waiting for Madeline to stop being stubborn and face reality, it would also be pragmatic for Shadow Madeline to keep helping her through the platforming anyway just to try and keep her safe. And I feel like she would probably want to do that, hypothetically; the second time she disappears, it's not without a "Good luck", like she's hoping that Madeline will be okay and would be offering more than well-wishes if she could. But as she says just before disappearing the first time: "I can't help you with this". Not that she won't, but that she can't, as if she's literally incapable of it, which I think really could be the case. Madeline's irrational desire to keep going with this is something that she's only clinging to on the surface - meaning that her Shadow, the repressed part of her, is not the part of her that wants to do this at all. Since this is a dream and therefore all very abstract and psychological, the part of Madeline that isn't in denial over Granny's death literally cannot help her along the abstract representation of her surface denial. Both times Shadow Madeline leaves, Madeline is barely forcing her to and it really seems more like it's the Shadow's own choice to do so. Yet it's not that she's actively trying to be unhelpful at all; she just knows that she can't do anything else in this situation.

Saving her self

But... this is all just a dream, right? Madeline's not actually in any danger from all the insane platforming, so what would her Shadow really be keeping her safe from here, anyway? At one point, Shadow Madeline mentions that she's worried about Madeline getting "lost" up here, but at that point, she's definitely aware that this is a dream because she says as much a few lines later in the same conversation - so what does getting "lost" even mean in this context, and why is Shadow Madeline so worried about it?

...Consider Theo at the end, who completely understood that Madeline's anxiety and depression had probably got so bad that she wasn't in the mood to talk to him and was totally cool about that - but he at least wanted to know she was alive. As if he'd have a reason to worry she might not be when he knew her mental illness would be giving her a hard time. And, much more tellingly, remember the part just after Madeline catches the bird the second time and it's trying to fly away again. She tells herself once more that it's totally Part of Granny and then says, "If you have to go, then... Take me with you." Take her... to the place where Granny went?

Madeline was beginning to contemplate suicide.

Maybe only in a very abstract sense at that point, but the thought process was forming.

And Shadow Madeline knew it, because it's right at that moment that she reappears in front of Madeline and desperately tells her to stop. She makes her intent very clear later in that same conversation when she says, "I just want us to survive this." Shadow Madeline is the part of Madeline that wants to keep living no matter how hard it is, the part that Madeline herself was in danger of pushing away and ignoring because she was too caught up in her grief and denial of reality. By talking Madeline out of this the way she manages to do here, Shadow Madeline is successfully doing her job as a legitimate, non-twisted defence mechanism. She literally saves their life.

There is no way Shadow Madeline would ever have been able to achieve this if they hadn't gone to Celeste Mountain in the first place and learned what they did there. Of course, then they also wouldn't have met Granny, but even without Granny, something similarly traumatic could have happened to Madeline to send her down this same kind of spiral - and in that situation, her Shadow would have done nothing but push back and be cruel and harsh on her and make everything several times worse. But not here! Which is what is so incredibly lovely about this whole chapter. Shadow Madeline was able to save Madeline only because of the newfound strength and kindness she's gained since last time, which in turn is only because of the strength and kindness Madeline started showing her, back when Madeline had been the stronger one.

One innocuous part that I love is when you die a bunch of times on the last and hardest screen, there's a small exchange where Madeline is starting to doubt if they'll ever make it, and her Shadow encourages her to keep trying and that they can do this. It's such a great reversal of how things were when they were climbing the Mountain together in chapter 7. Back then, Shadow Madeline was the one with doubts and Madeline was the one affirming that they could make it, because then her Shadow still represented the repressed part of her that didn't truly believe in herself. But now, thanks to everything Madeline learned and has been employing since last time, that underlying core of her psyche has become strong! Madeline's Shadow can genuinely believe in her now when she herself can't. Her Shadow is able to push them to keep going even when Madeline is starting to think about giving up - and that's true not only very literally in terms of the abstract dream platforming they're doing together at the end, but also in a more meaningful, overall sense in terms of their life.

And I just think this whole idea is absolutely freaking beautiful?

Be kind to your Shadow, not just because they deserve it, but because a day might come when you'll need them to be kind to you.

[juleswolverton-hyde]

Word by Word | 01 (Bangchan x Reader)

Genre: Fluff, Romance, University/College AU

Pairing: Graphic design student!Bangchan x Literature student!/Irish!Reader

Warnings: Swearing (but what can you honestly expect when dealing with an Irish person?)

Summary: An ancient saying dictates that polar opposites attract, which is proven once again once an introverted whiskey-loving aspiring author meets a fairly extroverted boy initially proposing to survive the loneliness brought about by academic administration together.

But soon the meaning of ‘together’ expands as personal creative worlds are explored and understanding stirs up hidden emotions.

Masterlist

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For anxious people, friendly support from strangers oddly turning into companions is often needed to get through the day, finding solace in the kindred spirit of the bond has been established despite being not worth a dime. The previous semester could only be survived thanks to the small group of friends that made the seminars more bearable, huddling together and always having at least one to have as a research partner or discuss a primary source with. Withal, the university administration has different plans for the second half of the year, resulting in the complete split from familiar faces which will now only be seen on Monday for the start of the academic week with lectures.

Henceforth, yesterday was only the misleading silence before the storm, chatting and fooling around with curiously close relationships during the day. As per usual, multiple pairs of shoes found themselves to the habitual café by the canal to go for lunch together in between lectures, but a lonesome soul listening to the vivid chatter only settled for a cup of coffee since the stomach could possibly not handle more because of the all-nighter working on the next chapter of the attempted novel and composing a few more poems for a to-be-published-someday poetry bundle.

A chip off the old block, taking after the grandfather who raised a timid girl to become like this: full of too many voices and writing them down since that is the only acceptable form of schizophrenia in today’s society. Fortunately, it is while enjoying the company of Dante, a Birman with hellishly blue eyes of an extremely distrustful and arrogant nature except when being with an aspiring author rivalling with a relative. He mostly lies on the duvet on nights filled with the self-inflicted torture of bleeding behind a typewriter, occasionally jumping on the desk beneath the attic window where often a raven nicknamed Edgar settles down and demanding to be pet whenever a repose is taken for a glass o’ Irish whiskey when threatening to fall on hard creative times. Otherwise, dirty bean water is grand as well. Whatever the case, Dante conveniently though perfectly times it each time.

In the meanwhile, Virgil is likely functioning as company for Charles, who is also known as “Grandfather” during formal events of which most relate to publishing houses and to which he always has to be dragged while muttering unintelligible Gaelic profanities. Alternatively, it is the first full name whenever competing with one another or simply “Charlie” when the old balding man with a snow white moustache reviews the latest result of typing on the historic sidekick of every author. According to the in-house editor and occasional enemy, a typewriter is the sole source of ‘’pure writing’’ and imprinted the habit of working with the old school machine as soon as hands were able to write the letters formerly merely read in books.

For those unfamiliar with the cats, it is impossible to draw a distinction between the two, but those who look closer notice that Virgil does not share the same eye colour with his brother, the ocean grey betraying the fact the fluffy bastard is indeed that. 

A bastard. 

Exactly like his owner and the owner’s granddaughter who was also born out of wedlock. 

However, even in Dante there is a trace of being not a full blood Birman since his slender skull hints at a Ragdoll influence though the selective sweetheart would never admit to it even if the ability of speech had been given to cats. 

All in all, all of us are outcasts so it has become the running joke beneath the roof of the outskirts mansion we are glorious bastards. Honestly speaking, it has a nice ring to it because if being separated from others for whatever reason counts as a qualification for becoming this, then the lack of pals in primary and high school is not minded. The same goes for the adoption by a loving howbeit harshly critical grandfather because the son who should have been a proper father could not bear the sight of the offspring originating in a scandalous affair with a secretary who had no mother instinct at all, thus sharing in the shallowness with her one-time lover.

Whiskey story nights filled with almost empty pens, digits stained with ink, reading breaks and lots of swearing in frustration or joy have come to form a steady aspect of life, Charlie clearly in a better mood when settling down to shape the rough paper diamonds in each other’s company despite the exchange of insults pertaining to manuscripts or in a loving manner. An Irishman can leave Ireland, but the Irishness will never leave the individual and the island tales that at times seem mere fantastic fancies create a bond with a heritage that would otherwise have never been known.

It is because of Charles, his upbringing that has not been without it struggles, and Dante and Virgil I am still here, exerting power as an author on the Internet after creating a manuscript on the typewriter that once belonged to the moustached man’s close American friend who, too, had a taste for liquor and a talent for writing. 

Apparently, one night at a party, this comrade was hit in the face by a drunken accountant who tried his hand at poetry nobody understood and insulted the boxer’s manhood, causing the offended party to strike the provoker down in drunken rage. Fortunately for the injured, the American was willing to forgive the insult after being offered an apology and the next day the papers reported the incomprehensible poet fell down the stairs, the accident resulting in a broken hip alongside other injuries, thus covering up the truth of being beaten black and blue.

When asking why nothing was done to stop the fight from escalating, the answer is always the same. ‘It was too much fun to see that idiotic sod being beaten up. Furthermore, he had it coming sooner or later because he was a fecking racist prick, Y/N. It was more of a service than a true crime.’

Basically, Granddad sat back with a bowl of popcorn and cheered his boxing buddy on.

Truly a gentleman bastard.

As proves to be an inherent characteristic, judging by the rage coming from the classically furnished writing room on the east side of the house bought with the royalties from writing pieces critical of the human condition and problems rooted in society under the guise of a cleverly composed story. ‘Virgil! For fuck’s sake, ye bloody gobshite!’

‘Charlie, how’s she cuttin’?’ Not so well, judging by the look of pure horror in fast passing stone-toned irises with elated pupils framed by deep earthy brown fur and liquid onyx paw prints creating a trail on the freshly mopped floor. What a way to leave the house before facing the horror of being left alone at the university because everyone has been placed in a different time slot. ‘Although, never mind.’

In the faux leather spinning chair behind the intricately designed baroque desk, agitated calloused fingers run through pale thin hairs while lips are pulled into a snarl at the sight of the obsidian pool of ink staining the pile of blank pages meant to be engraved with poetry. ‘Well, this is just fucking grand, isn’t it?’

‘Think about your blood pressure, ye aren’t all that spry anymore and your fans will not like it if you kick the bucket already.’ Grinning like the purple cat in the favourite story to listen to while sitting by the hearth during childhood, dark flats wander the afromosia floor to the stout big man with an irritated iron gaze that slightly softens at the sight of the lass raised as a daughter rather than a granddaughter, the pupil who has turned more and more into a peer as time went by. ‘And Virgil isn’t as graceful as Dante, prone to causing accidents yet you love him all the same.’

‘Ah, feck off.’ An eyebrow raises in question when settling down into the fauteuil in front of the bureau, casually crossing one leg over the other and endeavouring to suppress the pressing yawns as best as possible. ‘It’s yer first day of university after a week of being a dosser and you pulled an all-nighter while having to show up early. You’re not the full shilling, are ye?’

‘No. No, I’m not, but you are what you eat. I’m fine, Charlie. And I worked on a couple of poems, mind you, and also wrote two more chapters for Paper Wonderland. Furthermore, I read ahead for this block’s course so, overall, I’ve been productive.’

‘You haven’t been until I’ve seen the first drafts.’ It is a house rule: there are no actual original versions of a part of a tale unless the stern editor has seen it and given feedback. Otherwise, it is nothing more than stained paper. 

‘Oi, I want to keep some element of surprise to blow you off yer socks when you read the full result. Where’s the fun in being spoiled beforehand when it can become the reason I’ll finally conquer the throne you’re currently sitting on. One day, one day I’ll finally be recognized as more than mere family.’

The mentor stands up to walk around the chaotically ruined heavy piece of furniture to put an encouraging hand on the shoulder and give it a little encouraging squeeze, which gets nullified by a comment that makes the characteristic need for rivalry flare up. ‘Keep dreaming about that day, ye wee chiseler, and maybe, just maybe you’ll manage.’

A sarcastic mirthless chuckle functions as a nullifying factor for the elder’s smugness while standing up from the oddly comfortable espresso brown chair to head for the door. ‘You really like throwing shapes, don’t ye, gramps?’

‘As much as any grand man.’ The old great man matches the pace to the young feet eventually coming to a halt at the entrance of the writing office. 

At the double doors, on the edge of a casual temporary farewell, all devilishness fades away into fatherly concern due to the realization a difficult social challenge has to be faced, having had many conversations about the introverted anxiety of a mask-wearing lass who merely acts like a young professional while working as a barista to earn a little cash on the side. ‘Take that puss off yer face, Y/N. You’re gonna be grand because you’re a full-grown woman with an Irish background. We’re tough people made of iron who don’t take anyone’s intimidation.’ 

Two big wrinkled hands wrap themselves around upper arms clad in a neatly-ironed alabaster collared shirt as a moustached mouth places a familial hope-giving smooch on the forehead before giving the right cheek a weak playful slap. ‘Now, go, you fine thing. Maybe you’ll catch the eye of a proper laddie.’

‘Feck off.’ A playful punch on the shoulder undoes the intimacy and grants the opportunity to crack on to catch the bus towards doom after putting on a khaki trench coat and slinging the stone-grey laptop bag over the shoulder.

‘I don’t recommend effin’ and blindin’, though. Tends to give a bad image,’ is the last piece of laughingly uttered advice which is seemingly also disregarded howbeit with an absently-minded waving hand wandering down the sandstone cobblestone path towards the main road. 

And before taking an immediate right out of the gate towards the nearest bus stop, the other one holds the habitual saviour in the form of a book already.

An opportunity to escape the nervousness brought about by cruel reality that is taken away when bumping into someone, an accident which still tends to happen despite the mastery of avoidance skills, and the account of the life of a bookseller falls onto the concrete. 

Eyes as big as a doe’s when caught in the headlights of a rapidly approaching car stare in horror at annoyed molten chocolate irises above an admittedly adorable big nose, irritated by an ignorant daydreamer under the constant scrutiny of the world, which quickly gain a weird gentleness when truly looking back. ‘I’m so, so fe- sorry. I should watch where- no, watch my footing. Again, I’m so sorry.’

Please, don’t get mad. Grand job, Y/N. The day’s barely begun and you already messed up.

‘It’s alright.’ Bleached short locks clad in an onyx leather jacket squat down to pick up the paperback on the ground, long pale fingers dusting off the little dirt the impact of the fall has caused to stain the cover before handing it back. ‘You dropped this.’

Trembling hands accept a small piece of peace of mind, gaze averted from the small fading kind smile on the young man’s face to stare with burning cheeks and a raving heart at dark flats aching to flee the situation. ‘Thanks.’

‘Miss? Are you alright?’ The lost distant type of contact from just a second ago is futilely tried to be re-established, unable to connect thus to a soul with a thousand voices within now all rendered to a flustered whisper. 

‘Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll- I need to go. Don’t want to miss the bus.’ A curt nod ends the conversation abruptly, turning away as fast as lightning while muttering a form of apologetic goodbye as the walking pace enhances to a speed barely shy of running. ‘Again, my apologies.’

However, as Fate or mere coincidence would have it, this meeting is not the last as tracks are silently retraced by foreign sneakers as blasting songs from various genres disclose the world from a never tranquil consciousness.

A few minutes more the blissful unknowing continues, reading irises stuck in the sceptic description of a man able to do what wants to be done in case becoming a writer does not work out.

A few minutes more the wind has the possibility to play freely with locks without it being noticed nor minded.

Then all changes with the approach of the awaited vehicle. 

The loudness comes back with the bus.

And an ink-black leather jacket.

[the-starchariot]

Sun

Nouns / phrases: Sun, summer. Warmth, heat. Light, shine, glow. Brightness. The visible, clear, and obvious. Lack of depth; shallowness. Appearance. Day and daylight, waking state. Awareness, consciousness. Happiness, joy, celebration, vacation. Emission, transmission, a strong broadcaster, charisma. Popularity, fame, success. Extroversion, enterprising spirit, confidence. Also: the Sun might lessen the depth/significance of neighbouring "negative" cards.  

Activities: To heat, warm (up). To shine, glow. To light/brighten (up). To throw light on X. To spend a day with something/someone. To wake (up). To be aware or make aware, to be conscious of. To enjoy, have fun, celebrate. Possibly: to go on a vacation. To emanate, radiate, broadcast. To succeed, to be confident about X. To not hide one's light under a bushel. To keep up appearances. Attributes: Sunny, summery. Warm, hot. Bright, light, brilliant. Shiny, glowing. Visible, clear, obvious, superficial, apparent. Awake, aware, conscious. Easy, happy, joyful, merry, celebratory. Charismatic, popular, famous, successful. Confident, extroverted. As a person: Person with the above attributes, especially: a happy person. Person who is your sunshine. Sunny person. Someone who broadcasts something very strongly. As advice: Be happy (about it)! Always look on the bright side of life! Don't hide your light under a bushel! Take a day off! Negatively: Don't ignore the dark sides of life! Look below the surface!   Time factor *) : When it's obvious. Day(time), and more specifically noon. Summer.

Sun, happiness, awareness, the obvious, confidence

About the meaning: The first dimension of the Sun's meaning is literal. I rarely find it useful in actual readings. The meanings I describe in the paragraphs following it have turned out more applicable, for me. They basically are all figurative translations of the literal attributes of the sun. Sun / light / warmth: As mentioned above this first dimension of the Sun's meaning is literal. The card can represent the sun itself, the sun's light or light in general, as well as warmth or even heat. Some people interpret the Sun as a significator for the light-flooded, warm time of the year, late spring and summer. And finally, in direct opposition to the Moon which can stand for nighttime, the Sun may represent daytime; the times when we are awake. Happiness / joy / celebration: One of the most obvious figurative translations of the combination of warmth and light is "happiness". So the Sun stands for happiness, mirth, and joy, and for optimism. The Sun can represent celebration and festivity, and any other type of enjoyment. In some readings, the Sun represents a rather general sense of ease; a light state of being. Especially in combination with the Ship it might also suggest a vacation. Waking state / awareness / consciousness: While we are awake, as opposed to when we are sleeping, we are aware. We can process our surroundings consciously. Thus, the Sun doesn't just represent a waking state, and conscious processes, but also awareness. It can for example indicate the awareness of certain facts, or be saying that someone is doing something fully conscious of the implications. The obvious / superficiality: Things which are illuminated are clearly visible. Thus, the Sun represents that which we can see, and especially that which is conspicuous, obvious, evident. On the flip side, when something is brightly lit, we tend to look at only that, and overlook what's hidden in the shadows. Thus, the Sun can also stand for a superficial glance at things. It can mean that we're too easily satisfied with appearances, not looking further. In that sense, the Sun may indicate shallowness, a lack of depth. It is because of this aspect of the Sun's meaning why the card sometimes seems to suggest that a neighbouring card's "negative" implications (e.g. the grief of the Coffin) don't go very deep. Charisma / success / confidence: The Sun radiates light and warmth so strongly that its presence is immediately picked up by our senses. The Sun can thus represent a person who is a great broadcaster, neutrally speaking - for example, someone who broadcasts their feelings very strongly. And it could also, positively connoted, represent someone who has charisma. Taking a similar (and popular) line, the Sun can stand for success, popularity, even fame. These, I personally find not very useful. To me the Sun much more often seems to suggest extroversion, an enterprising spirit, and confidence, especially. Sometimes, I take the card as the valuable hint not to hide one's light under a bushel. 

About the Image: If you are familiar with the Anna.K Tarot, you'll have noticed that my Tarot's Sun and my Lenormand's Sun follow the same concept. This isn't due to laziness! When I first started sketching I intended to develop a very different design, and even finished one. But it didn't work for me. What I produced was quite good, but it was second best. After all, the Suns in Tarot and in Lenormand have very, very similar meanings. And my Tarot's Sun felt like the perfect expression of both. The light and heat the design radiated were almost tangible. The sunflowers, with their bright yellow and warm brown hues, spoke of summer, and joy. So I ended up discarding the new design and returned to the original Tarot design. I did adjust it, to the slightly different style of my Lenormand, but I kept the basic concept. Hopefully, it is as obvious to you as it was to me why this simple concept is just perfect to deliver the Lenormand Sun's meaning, too.  

Sun-Rider Good news; someone or something brings welcome change; to be glad that something is finally happening. To feel pressed to always appear happy. Obtrusive happiness. Someone or something brings joy. Attack of someone's happiness. A joyful, easy approach. Fun activities. A very confident person; confidence. Sun-Clover To experience a little bit of joy and ease. Short-lived happiness. Being happy is easy. Total avoidance of anything uncomfortable. Being free of responsibilities, or getting rid of burdens, makes one happy. To be able be happy about one's luck. To celebrate an opportunity. An obvious opportunity. Something that really, really is NOT important at all, something completely trivial. Sun-Ship A holiday trip; an outing; to go out; to be out and about a lot. To go where there's a lot of warmth and sun. To look for happiness. To change things only on the surface. Joyful exploration; fun experiments. New experiences bring joy! Awareness that it's time to leave. To keep up appearances although we're very close to just leaving. Someone is strongly broadcasting that they won't commit. Joyful departure. Farewell party. Absence of joy. Sun-House Happy family; joy about family/home. Family celebration; traditional holiday(s). Family (members) ignore conflicts/family secrets. Warmth within the home/family. To spend a day at home, or with one's family. Obvious plan; superficial planning. Awareness of family matters. The rules are clear (and no shades of grey allowed). Confidence in family/tradition/rules. Very established, stable confidence. Sun-Tree High spirits; great physical energy; enormous positive vibes. To find joy in physical life; to find strength in an optimistic world view. Physical warmth or heat; fever. Growing warmth (metaphorically speaking). To spend a day in nature. Confidence in one's physical abilities. Very obviously healthy/strong. Awareness of physical processes, or of health-related issues. Sun-Clouds Inability to see the positive side of things. Confusion or misunderstandings about what happiness means. Apparent clarity has deceit hidden in it; something which seems obvious really isn't. Something only seems obvious because we don't understand it. Pretend confidence. Light/heat are unbearable, so we go looking for shadow to cool down - metaphorically speaking. Secret joy. A dark cloud covers the sun (metaphorically speaking). Desperate attempts at having fun; something or someone tries to entertain but it doesn't work. Sun-Snake To crave warmth, light, summer. To want to be popular and do everything to achieve popularity. The talent to be positive about everything, to see the good aspects and focus on them. The (vain) effort to avoid anything that is sad or difficult. A party animal. To try to make things better, or more enjoyable. Confidently ambitious. Someone carries their selfishness on their sleeve. Sun-Coffin The end of something happy or joyful. The loss of ease (to become serious). Or: a period of grief is over; it's time to let joy into one's life again. An ending which causes joy. A good, positive end. Celebration of an ending. To suppress one's joy. To not allow oneself to be happy. Superficial grief. The positive side of an ending. To let go of pretence. Sun-Bouquet Party, celebration, congratulation, joyful gatherings. Superficial friendliness. Celebration of friendship; to find joy in cultivating friendships. Warm compliments, positive feedback. Great praise or appreciation. Pretty only on the surface. To please somebody. Making other people happy makes you happy, too! Sun-Scythe to reap happiness. Joy about a good harvest (metaphorically speaking). The fun is over suddenly. Interrupted enjoyments. It's time to be serious! Killjoy. Cutting away unnecessary things, cleaning up, leads to ease, makes it possible to lighten up. To clear something up. To cut off anything which isn't conducive to one's happiness (or, less productively, to one's ease). Sudden end of confidence. Sun-Whip To (justifiably) criticise someone or something for their shallowness. Negativity (or overanalysing) ruins perfectly good things. To spoil joy/fun with sarcasm. A show-fight. To feel guilty about being happy. To go into an argument confidently, or with a good mood. To enjoy arguing; to start arguments for fun. A heated argument. A conflict only on the surface. Sun-Birds Very superficial chit-chat. Joyful, quick movements or dance; jokes and laughter. Circling thoughts and worries destroy happiness. Happy flutter. Erratic/fluctuating/unstable happiness. To be happy with chaos. Unstructured entertainment; to enjoy lots of different things. Glaring disorder. The mess doesn't go down very deep. Awareness of where there is disorder. Sun-Child Childlike joy or childish enjoyment. Happiness about a child. Happy young person. Everything looks bright and easy because of a lack of experience with reality. Beginning of happiness; to make the first steps towards happiness. To spend the day with a child / to give one day to entertain one's inner child. Naive optimism. Small joy. Weak light. The beginning of day - morning. The first steps towards awareness, towards seeing something as it is. Sun-Fox A deeply joyful sense of self. To enjoy oneself; to entertain oneself. To be happy for oneself or by oneself. Distrust anything that looks happy or easy - to be unable to just enjoy something because it might be false or over soon. To find great happiness in going one's own way, in being self-determined and self-reliant. Self-care in the form of putting oneself in bright, joyful situations. Sun-Bear Very optimistic or popular leader, parent, or teacher. Someone who can teach you happiness. Life is dominated by optimism - or by the search for happiness. To have fun with a leading or parental role. Parenthood/teaching/leading brings happiness. A parent/leader/teacher who can't (or won't) deal with conflicts. Positive reinforcement. A dominant positive influence. An influence that doesn't go very deep. Sun-Stars To dare to just be happy - to go where happiness is. The belief that the purpose in life is to be happy (and avoid pain?). To find happiness in a sense of connection with the world. Great hopes. Superficial wishes. Positive spiritual experiences. Confidence that things will turn out fine. Optimistic view of the future. A celebration of one's dreams. Spirituality for show - possibly annoying to others. Superficial spirituality, or a spirituality which only looks at the positive sides of life. Sun-Stork A transformation causes happiness / happiness triggers transformation. A transformation of the view on what we need to be happy. A joyful inner journey. A change which stays on the surface. To emigrate to a warmer country. To yearn for sun / summer / light / holidays. Celebration of a transition. An optimist; someone who is by nature happy. To confidently transform. Superficial longings. To move away from superficiality. The return of someone or something makes us happy. Recurring joyful occasion. Sun-Dog Happiness in a friendship; an easy friendship. To share joy with a friend; celebration with/of a friend. Superficial friendship. To admire an idol. Someone who is loyal and supportive only as long as we're popular. Someone supports someone else's happiness. An extroverted/confident friend. Confidence in a friend. To not question appearances. Sun-Tower To enjoy solitude. To be very, very proud of one's position or popularity; high confidence. Everything is finally clear. Rationality makes things clear/obvious. Someone broadcasts their arrogance. Celebration of excellence. Appearance of authority. Conflict between someone who is outgoing and someone who is introverted. Sun-Garden Fame; public recognition; public celebrations; to share joy with everyone. Something is extremely visible, exposed, to everyone. To enjoy networking / social media. To present as a happy/confident person. To go out during the day; to spend a day at a public venue. Festival. Someone keeps announcing things which are already obvious to everybody. To let the cat out of the bag but everybody already knew. Sun-Mountain An obstacle to happiness. Happiness is curtailed. Difficulties with just being happy. Difficulties with seeing the bright side of things. To be unmoved by other people's happiness; inability to be happy for yourself or for others. Problems which maybe are not that relevant. To not feel like celebrating. A challenge that's fun. A very obvious obstacle. Something seems to be an obstacle only on the surface. Sun-Crossroad To enjoy one's freedom, to be happy about a decision. Celebration of a choice. Good choice. To choose whatever is more pleasant, easier. An obvious choice; the alternatives are obvious. Awareness of alternatives. All kinds of enjoyments. Spend a day thinking about it! Ambiguous joy; relative happiness. Being more tolerant will make life easier for us. A different perspective on what we need to be happy. Sun-Mice Lack of joy, optimism, or lightness. Dwindling joy, optimism, or lightness. Corruption of something which used to be bright and whole. To gloat; Schadenfreude. Unhealthy focus on only that which is easy, and happy. Tainted happiness; killjoy. Crabber, moaner - to takes someone's joy from them. To enjoy someone's plight. Sun-Heart Celebration of love. Happiness in a relationship; an easy-going, loving relationship (which might) lack depth. Stop worrying about things - just soften up, open up, let yourself melt with the experience! Confident love. To broadcast one's love. Obvious love. Love makes things (seem) brighter. Forgiveness makes true happiness possible. Sun-Ring Shared joy. A joyful connection. A superficial relationship; a link which is there but not very profound. To be committed to the search for happiness. To commit happily and easily. To promise happiness. An obvious connection. To prove a connection. Confidence in a relationship. Popular connection. Attachment to what makes one happy; to become attached to someone charismatic. Sun-Book Positive facts; the truth makes one happy. Feel-good literature. Academic success; popularity as teacher. Charismatic scientist/professor. To broadcast one's knowledge; to seem knowledgable to others. To study during daytime. A celebration to do with one's education. To find great joy in intellectual pursuits. An obvious truth. To prove the truth. To show the truth. Something which seems true on the surface only, at first glance. To categorise something (or someone) as obvious, superficial, bright, happy, charismatic etc. Sun-Letter Conversation about positive issues. Optimism concerning a conversation. To share joy; report of a positive event. Information about a celebration. Expressions of joy. Conversations which lack depth. To communicate what makes one happy. Communication makes things better. Joyful, warm ways of communicating. Conversations during daytime. Communication works better when one is wide awake. To communicate something very clearly. A very obvious expression of something. Sun-Man (a) Man who is: sunny, warm, brilliant, glowing, clearly visible, superficial, awake, aware, conscious, easy-going, happy, joyful, merry, celebratory, charismatic, popular, famous, successful, confident, extroverted, optimistic. Obviously a man. Man who is the querent's sunshine. Man who broadcasts something very strongly. Strong male vibes. To make a man happy. To warm (up), brighten the mood of, a man. To show a man clearly that X; to proof to a man that X. To spend a day with a man. To wake a man up. To be aware or make aware of a man; to enjoy, have fun with, celebrate, a man or men in general. Possibly: to go on a vacation with a man. Man who doesn't hide his light under a bushel. Man keeps up appearances / to keep up appearances for a man. Sun-Woman (a) Woman who is: sunny, warm, brilliant, glowing, clearly visible, superficial, awake, aware, conscious, easy-going, happy, joyful, merry, celebratory, charismatic, popular, famous, successful, confident, extroverted, optimistic. Obviously a woman. Woman who is the querent's sunshine. Woman who broadcasts something very strongly. Strong female vibes. To make a woman happy. To warm (up), brighten the mood of, a woman. To show a woman clearly that X; to proof to a woman that X. To spend a day with a woman. To wake a woman up. To be aware or make aware of a woman; to enjoy, have fun with, celebrate, a woman or women in general. Possibly: to go on a vacation with a woman. Woman who doesn't hide her light under a bushel. Woman keeps up appearances / to keep up appearances for a woman. Sun-Man (a) Man who is: sunny, warm, brilliant, glowing, clearly visible, superficial, awake, aware, conscious, easy-going, happy, joyful, merry, celebratory, charismatic, popular, famous, successful, confident, extroverted, optimistic. Obviously a man. Man who is the querent's sunshine. Man who broadcasts something very strongly. Strong male vibes. To make a man happy. To warm (up), brighten the mood of, a man. To show a man clearly that X; to proof to a man that X. To spend a day with a man. To wake a man up. To be aware or make aware of a man; to enjoy, have fun with, celebrate, a man or men in general. Possibly: to go on a vacation with a man. Man who doesn't hide his light under a bushel. Man keeps up appearances / to keep up appearances for a man. Sun-Woman (b) Woman who is: sunny, warm, brilliant, glowing, clearly visible, superficial, awake, aware, conscious, easy-going, happy, joyful, merry, celebratory, charismatic, popular, famous, successful, confident, extroverted, optimistic. Obviously a woman. Woman who is the querent's sunshine. Woman who broadcasts something very strongly. Strong female vibes. To make a woman happy. To warm (up), brighten the mood of, a woman. To show a woman clearly that X; to proof to a woman that X. To spend a day with a woman. To wake a woman up. To be aware or make aware of a woman; to enjoy, have fun with, celebrate, a woman or women in general. Possibly: to go on a vacation with a woman. Woman who doesn't hide her light under a bushel. Woman keeps up appearances / to keep up appearances for a woman. Sun-(Sensual)Lily Great sensual (or sexual) enjoyment. To celebrate sexuality/sensual experiences. Intense heat, bright light. Popular artist; popular art work. Superficial physical relationship, or superficial worldview which focuses only on what's pleasurable. To make a lover happy / lover or sex makes you happy. A long, slow day; a harmonious day. A mature view of what makes one happy. Sun-(Virtuous)Lily   The virtue of shared joy because of a lack of envy. To find great joy in virtuous acts. To find true happiness in a frugal lifestyle. To do good things in order to become more popular. Superficial virtuousness. Peaceful ("quiet") happiness. Awareness of moral relevance. A peaceful ("quiet", undisturbed) day. The profound happiness which comes with wisdom. To spend one day fasting/forgoing something. Sun-Sun*) Great joy. To radiate happiness. Superficial enjoyments; or joy which doesn't go very deep. Happy day(s). To spend a day with whatever one enjoys; to take a day off. Something extremely obvious. To prove the obvious. It's obviously good! Sun-Moon Conflict between just wanting to be happy and having to confront something fearful. "They are like night and day!" Profound happiness. Shallow emotions. Warm, happy emotions. To spend day and night with something/someone. Happy dreams. Obvious emotions; to broadcast one's emotions very strongly. Happiness comes and goes. Obvious depth. To rest for a day. To sleep during the day. To stay awake a night. Awareness of one's emotions. Sun-Key To let light and happiness into one's. To find out what is enjoyable, where happiness lies. An obvious solution. A superficial solution. Relief which is only a seeming, superficial, relief. To spend a day trying to find a solution. A day off, or a vacation, might open one's heart and mind to new things! Happy ease brings inspiration. To move on from what's obvious to whatever else is really there, below the surface. Sun-Fish A LOT of happiness; too much entertainment. To seek lots of enjoyments; bad quality enjoyments. To look for happiness in accumulating money. Optimism concerning profit. Happiness is of great value. To be happy about one's business, or about financial success - to celebrate them. Obvious value. Something which is valuable only at first glance. Sun-Anchor To be happy with the status quo; joyful everyday life. To try to hold on to happiness and ease; to always look on the bright side of life; to be in a state of stable happiness but maybe also superficiality. Celebration of having reached one's final destination. Happy ending. Sun-Cross To find joy despite hardship. To celebrate welcome responsibilities. To ease suffering; to try and ignore anything that is difficult. To make light of hardship. To be(come) aware of dogmatic thinking. To look for happiness. Being burdened dampens our joy. To hide our light under a bushel. Superficial suffering; the burden is not that big.