#old panic! goes hard idc

[atomicradiogirl]

and when i make a dennis edit to there’s a good reason these tables are numbered honey, you just haven’t thought of it yet you will all see

[pricetheghost0]

⚠️MAJOR TW⚠️

Self harm (pretty gorey), suicide, abuse, sexual assault (implied but no detail), panic attacks (no detail really)

——————————

This is a vent for me. This might be shitty but idc. I just needed to feel better.

——————————

Words: almost 6k 😅🤠🫠

——————————

Aizawa x Mic x Shinso x Eri x y/n (family)

——————————

Y/n is abused by her parents and has to move into the dorms after villain attacks. She self harms but goes to far after remembering how bad her parents abused her. Aizawa finds her in her dorm and saves her. He adopts her into his family. Too bad she couldn’t take it anymore.

————————————————————————

Aizawa pov

Honestly… y/n is pretty special. Her quirk is good but her personality… used to be special, enchanting even. She was calming and kind.

Her quirk is called assassin. She can vanish into thin air. She is also super agile.

The reason her personality “used to be” anything is because she changed. She hid it well but I noticed. It wasn’t immediate. That would have been impossible. But after all the villain attacks and moving into the dorms it must’ve taken a toll on her.

I already knew something was up when her parents didn’t care if she moved to the dorms or not. She kept drinking whisky and brushing me off saying “kidnap her, enslave her, whatever I don’t care now get out and take that useless thing with you. She also makes for a good plaything~.” Her dad said with a wink.

It sent shivers of disgust down my spine. What father could think of their child like that.

Y/n pov

I hated the attacks. I hated that I wasn’t good enough. I hated that I couldn’t help Aizawa more. He was like a father figure even if I hadn’t known him for long.

I sat in class but it was hard to act as I always did. It was getting harder to wake up everyday. I would go back to my dorm everyday just to find my best friend in the drawer of my desk. That cold metal I rely on. My upper arms and hips were covered in old and new wounds. They were the easiest places to hide my scars.

I've been self harming since middle school. It’s probably already been 3 years. I was running out of space, and fast.

Time skip to class~

I walked into the classroom only to be greeted by Mina. She is my best friend but I started to get annoyed by her pushy personality. That kinda made me feel guilty.

“Hey! How ya doing?” Mina said loudly.

“I’m good! How about you?” I said with a huge fake smile plastered on my face.

“Goooood” she said, spinning around.

“SHUT THE HELL UP! IT'S TOO DAMN EARLY FOR THIS!” Bakugo shrieked.

“Tch” Mina sat down next to me.

Time skip….

3rd pov

You all went to lunch. Well… all accept you. You aren’t hungry anymore. Class is getting harder too. It makes you feel kinda stupid. Now you have a hunger for your blade.

“Maybe just a little” you say as you lock your door and grab your blade. You search for a place to slice like a goddamn cutting board.

“I mean… I already wore long sleeves knowing this day would come. Haha those dumbasses believe it’s better for my quirk.” You laugh to yourself.

You roll up your sleeve and position your blade. You slice and slice. Your skin screaming with pain telling you to stop. You could feel anything anymore. 1,2,3… you lose count. You grab a towel to catch the already rotting blood flowing from your forearm.

*knock*knock*knock*

“Y/nnnnnn” it’s Mina.

“Yeah” you say with a smile in your voice as you panic trying to stop the bleeding and roll down your sleeve.

“Aizawa needs you,” she says.

“Alright I’ll be out in a sec” you say putting the blade away.

You walk out and go to Aizawa classroom. For once he isn’t sleeping. Instead, he is standing and waiting for you.

“You wanted to talk to me?” I say with a smile.

“Are you doing alright?” He asks with a concerned face.

“Yeah why?” You say keeping your smile while internally screaming.

“You seem off. Not to mention your parents being the way they are.” Aizawa looked dead into your eyes.

Your smile dropped and you told him about the abuse. They hit you and broke bottles to slice you with. They starved you and made you pay for food and bills. Your father assaulted you and your mother sold you to different men so she could buy alcohol.

You told him everything except the toll it took on you. The fact that when people yelled, like Bakugo, you shook a little. The fact that you wanted to die and you self harmed. You didn’t even tell him about the full mental breakdown you had behind a rock in the USJ accident.

He sighs and thinks about what to say.

“Would you like to lock them away?” Aizawas eyes begged for the truth.

“Yes. To be honest I would hope they rot in jail.” You said with hatred piercing through the air.

Aizawa was a little shocked by the aggression coming from such a calm student but he felt the same. “Can I talk to Principal Nezu and the authorities about this then?”

“Yes.” You couldn’t stop thinking about the horrible things your parents did. As you walked to your next class you felt sick. Just the thought of your parents was enough to drive you mad.

“Mic…” you said, holding your stomach.

“Yes?” He then noticed how rough you looked. “You alright young listener?”

“I feel really sick. Can I go to my room to rest?” At this point you almost throw up. Flashbacks won’t stop playing in your head.

“Hey kid, you don’t look so-“ you pass out right in front of the poor guy. He panics and sends iida to get recovery girl.

Time skip—

Y/n pov

I slowly opened my eyes only to see Aizawa panda Principal Nezu talking to recovery girl. I can’t hear what they are saying but they stop when they notice I’m awake.

“How are you feeling hun” recovery girl has a concerned facial expression.

“Like I got hit by a truck.” I say running my fingers through my hair.

“You seem to have fainted due to shock.” Recovery girl said. Aizawa looked guilty.

“Aizawa, it’s fine. I had to say it at some point. Are they at least going to be locked up?” I drink some water.

“I’m still sorry y/n. I didn’t mean to push you and yes they will be locked away.” Aizawa choked back tears.

“Thank you.” A real and small smile showed on my face.

*******

You ran back to your dorm. You needed more from that blade. You haven’t gone past styro. Most of the time you did little cat scratches though. This time you had enough. You locked the door, grabbed your blade, and then sat in the corner. The memories of your parents and the embarrassment of passing out was too much.

You began slicing your upper arms and forearms. Each cut was deeper than the last. First it was cat scratches since you were afraid of what you could do in this state of mind. Then you slowly gave in and did styros. This pissed you off.

“Is that it? Is this all I can do?” You thought as you completely snapped.

All of a sudden you heard a louder slit sound from the blade ripping through your skin. You looked at your forearm only to see a deep cut showing the fat layer.

It throbbed. Pain was shooting into your head and you were bleeding… a lot. You panicked and that made it bleed more. You were scared. You pushed a towel on it to stop the bleeding.

*knock*knock*knock*

Shit.

What do I do now?

Fuckkkk.

——————

Aizawa watched as you left. He saw something in your eyes he knew about. When he was younger he self harmed. He knew the blood lust he felt all those years ago. He saw the exact same bloodlust in your eyes. Nezu talked to him as he was slowly losing patience. Aizawa knew he needed to get to you and fast. Before you did something dangerous. He finally lost it.

“The police will need your statement. They will be here in-“ Nezu was silenced.

“Ok ok ok I need to go. It’s important. I’ll be with y/n so you can send them to her dorm if they won’t already be there.” Aizawa panicked.

“Why would the police-“ Nezu couldn’t finish because Aizawa had already left running down the hall. That brings us to the present.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Aizawa pov

When I knocked on her door I heard sniffles and shuffling. I also heard some mumbling that I could make out. Did she do what I thought she would do? Is it as bad as I thought? Is she ok?!

“Y/n please open the door.” I know a few more times.

You heard Aizawa's concerned voice. All you could do was feel guilty. You made this teacher, who already had to deal with the press and paperwork from the attacks, sorry about you. At the same time you were almost glad he came. You couldn’t manage to speak. Hell, you were about to pass out due to blood loss.

I hear the door unlock and a thud. At that moment I knew for a fact that she had passed out. I opened the door slowly to make sure I wouldn’t hit her. I then saw her as I looked at the floor. I immediately called for an ambulance.

I put the phone on speaker and dropped my phone and my knees to the floor. She hit an artery.

“FUCK” I couldn’t hold my tears in. This drew the other students' attention. Thank god for Iida who gave me and y/n some space as I held a half soaked towel to her arm. There were whispers making it obvious no one knew about her “habit”. Scars both new and old were on display for these poor students to see. A few people were crying on the floor. A few people were too shocked to feel any kind of emotions. Others comforted the ones on the floor even though they were crying too.

The ambulance quickly came and it was easy to find out where they should go since they saw the group of crying students at the door ready to lead them to another group of stunned and crying students.

I rode in the ambulance with y/n. I couldn’t hear the emts muffled questions through my own questions.

Why didn’t I notice sooner?

Why did I not run after you sooner?

My thoughts immediately stopped as we got to the hospital. They took you away from me. I had unconsciously thought of you as my own daughter. You were the person I felt the most comforted by. We had a similar story.

My heart shattered more as more time passed. I needed a sign. I needed a doctor to walk out of those doors and say everything was going to be ok.

I heard a door open and I weakly looked up. The door had opened countless times and still no news. All of class 1a walked through the door. Their faces were red and puffy but they calmed down a little more. They all sat down waiting. For once this class of cheery, optimistic hero’s was quiet. They were too stunned to speak.

Nezu walked through the door. I was too drained to greet him. He walked right up to me. Midnight, mic, and all might were talking to all the other students. They wanted to make sure we were all fine. Mic wanted to talk to me but he was on the verge of tears already. If he saw me, his husband, this broken he would lose it.

3rd pov

“Is this what you meant? Did you know this would happen?” Nezu asked with a serious tone.

“Yes. I had a feeling when I saw the bloodlust, all so familiar to me, in her eyes.” I could hear mic choking back sobs from the other side of the room. He knew exactly what I was talking about. He had helped me through a lot and never thought y/n would be the same.

“That’s all I needed to hear.” Nezu sat down next to Aizawa. Now there were 25 people waiting for the news that you were fine.

After another silent half an hour the doctor walked through the big metal doors. It had been 3 hours of waiting and finally you got to hear the news.

“Who’s here for y/n” the doctor said, a little shocked by how many people were in the waiting room on a slow night. (Never say it’s slow in a hospital)

Everyone jumped up looking at the doctor with eyes that were pleading to know if you were ok.

“We all are sir,” Aizawa said.

“O-oh sorry. Well I came to inform you that y/n is all stitched up and will make a great recovery. She might need physical therapy but we won’t know until she wakes up. She lost a lot of blood so we thank you sir for donating some of yours.” The doctor looked at Aizawa. Of course he would help his student. Especially since he thought of her as his own daughter.

Everyone let out a sigh of relief. It was like those words were the reason we could breathe again. We all had tears. Some were sobbing.

“W-when can we s-see her” Mina said through her sobs.

“Only one person can see her at a time and only two should visit her tonight. Like I stated earlier, she is asleep and it’s best for her to stay that way.” The doctor said calmly.

The group decided Aizawa and Mina should go. After all, Mina is your best friend and Aizawa is the one who found you.

Mina walked with the doctor and was left alone after being greeted by an officer who was guarding y/n from herself. She stood outside of the door. She was heartbroken by the fact that she had to guard a girl the same age as her daughter from herself. She was happy to see that a huge group of people came to see you.

Mina cried and asked your sleeping body why you would do such a thing. She talked about how everyone reacted and left after telling you to wake up and be ready for a fresh new start.

Aizawa greeted the officer and then walked into your room. He cried and told you about himself and his journey through mental illness. Little did he know, you heard everything. It took everything in you to not cry in his arms. You didn’t want to overstep your boundaries because you didn’t want to possibly make him upset.

Once he walked out of the room the police officer walked in. She saw that you were awake and sitting up while you held your head because it was throbbing.

“Hey, how ya feeling hun?” She said sweetly while taking the chair next to you.

“Everything hurts,” you said weakly. “Am I in trouble?”

“No sweetheart.” The officer giggled a little. “I’m Hana Shiozaki. I’m here to keep you company. We want to make sure you're doing ok.”

“Like Ibara Shiozaki?”

“Yes. She is my daughter!” She said cheerfully.

You stayed up for hours talking about UA and the attacks and everything else. You got so comfortable with her that you were able to talk to her about the abuse you endured without feeling as upset as you were earlier. She felt as safe as Aizawa but this time you were ready to talk about it.

Shiozaki cried and held you as you told her about the abuse. You cried in her arms and fell asleep. She lashed you down and after an hour she switched with another officer so she could go home and come back in the morning.

“””””””””””””””

Y/n pov

I wake up low key forgetting where I am. Shiozaki walks into the room looking tired. I feel kinda bad for her because she has to watch over me.

Thoughts swarm my mind. “Burden” “disgusting” “waste of time” “you should add more scars” “you’ll be fine since your in a hospital”

Shiozaki notices your panicked look. She walks over to you calmly.

“Good morning y/n” she smiles.

“Good morning” I yawn.

“What’s going on inside your pretty little head? You seem upset” she has a worried expression.

“Nothing much haha” I can’t help but laugh nervously.

“You can tell me what’s bothering you. I want to help. I’m sure the man standing outside of the door would also like to know.” She says while stroking your hair.

“Huh? What man?” I shook a little thinking it was my dad or something.

Aizawa walks through the door. He kneels by your hospital bed and puts your hand up to his forehead. He starts to tear up.

“Y/n… please… why” his mind spirals and you start to cry holding his and Shiozakis hands.

“Do you really want to know? It’s so dark and sad. It’s not fun to listen to.” You say trying to keep yourself together.

They both nod and you take a deep breath. Shiozaki brings Aizawa a chair and you start to talk. They were ready for the worst. They knew this wouldn’t be some measly boy trouble or friend group drama.

“Sometimes I sit there and think. It’s so hard to live a life where your own parents aren’t there to care for you but to kill you. I’m pretty much a slave. I’m like a sex doll and a punching bag. I’m an expensive 2 for 1 deal. I guess I’m not that expensive since they only spend money on themselves and I get the leftovers.” You bitterly smile at your own sick joke.

“It’s so painful waking up everyday wishing that you hadn’t. It’s so painful to lose all the feeling left. It’s not painful anymore to dig sharp metal into your own flesh. It’s not painful anymore to have a man violate me. It’s not painful anymore to be strangled” your vision gets blurry from tears. You start to shake like a mini earthquake and then your vision gets darker out of pure rage.

At this point both adults don’t know what they are feeling. They are so blindsighted by rage and sorrow and pity that they are lost. They are crying softly to themselves. They let you continue so you can get these emotions off your chest.

“I’m covered in scars. I made most of them but some of them are from when men ‘had too much fun’ with me.” Aizawa gritted his teeth. He was so mad that someone so young had to deal with this.

“Another few scars were from my failures. My mother threw a knife at me when I burnt her burger. My dad threw a bottle at me. It smashed against my back and the glass cut me. The alcohol still in it burned the cuts as it trickled down. He did it because I wasn’t mopping fast enough. He blamed the wasted alcohol on me and I had to clean the house while doing a handstand for hours.” You bitterly laughed at how ridiculous you sounded.

“The cuts all over me sting every now and then as a reminder. It helped me in a sick way. It helped me stay in my head so I wouldn’t say anything I would later regret. If I replied with anything other than ‘no sir’, ‘yes sir’, ‘no ma’am’, or ‘yes ma’am’, implying I had an opinion of my own, they would punish me. That could mean a whole other world of things. This could mean I would have to sleep out on the back porch nude in the winter or sunbathe on a secluded part of the roof nude in the summer until I burnt. My parents actually encouraged my self harming. They praised it and said I deserved it. They even bought sharp knives for me to ‘try out’” I cried and all of a sudden the heart monitor which had once been stable started to go off.

You were having a flashback. You weren’t in the hospital anymore. You were back at your house. Back before you ever went to UA. Your mother locked you in a room with some unknown ugly looking man. You knew exactly what was happening. He was going to play with you. You waited for your impending doom and all of a sudden you were pulled out of the memory.

Aizawa was there hugging you as the heart monitor calmed down. The hospital's social worker used his quirk to stop the memory and force you back into reality. This causes you to want to sleep. It was exhausting. The worst part was that the therapist had to see what your memory was to bring you out of it. Shiozaki looked to see the therapist shaking. He could feel that you were used to this. He could feel the pain you were feeling. This all added up and he fell to the floor. He was new and wasn’t used to this awful sight and feeling.

Shiozaki took the therapist away and Aizawa stayed with you while calming you down. He eventually laid you down and hummed you a lullaby until you fell asleep. He stared at your puffy eyes and wiped your tears away. He left the room and saw your classmates. He told them it wasn’t a good time and that you needed rest. They all tried to argue but gave up and went to the dorms once Aizawa snapped and told them to leave.

Aizawa didn’t mean to snap. He was just so angry that you were in this state. He was angry that your memories even made the poor therapist cry. He knew what he should do and called Mic.

“Helloooooo” Mic screamed into the phone. “How’s our little y/n?”

“Please don’t yell.” Aizawa sighed. “Can you come down here. I wanna ask you something in person.”

“Alright I’ll be right down!” He said cheerfully. He was just glad to hear his husband's voice after being so quiet yesterday.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Present mic pov

I got to the hospital. I never liked being here. It was so sad and I have to remember Shota being here because he tried to overdose. It sends a shiver down my spine every time.

I turn the corner to see Shota, an officer, and a therapist. They all had puffy eyes. This isn’t good.

“What happened?” I try to speak quietly.

“Looks like she’s got some pretty awful trauma. She had to be pulled out of a flashback which was bad enough to make this young man cry.” Shota said with his typical tired voice with an added sniffle. My heart drops. I can’t believe things could be so bad.

“I was talking to this lovely officer about how we could help. This is where I wish to talk to you.” Shota grabs my hand and pulls me to the side. “I was thinking… What if we adopted her? Of course we will have to talk to Shinso but I think it would be a good idea. Her parents are getting arrested as we speak and I already think of her as my own daughter.”

“I’m fine with it as long as Shinso and y/n agree.” I am glad he thinks the same way I do.

Dunno the pov anymore

Once you wake up, mic and Aizawa talk to you about your parents being found and arrested as well as the men who assaulted you. They then continue to ask how you are feeling and ease your concerns. They have a nice talk and you already feel a tiny bit better. Then comes the big question. They already talked to Shinso and he was almost in your room. He walked in and you were slightly confused. You knew about their family. You just didn’t know why all of them were here.

“We have something to ask.” Present Mic smiles.

“We talked with Shinso as well.” Aizawa says calmly.

“Sorry this is so cheesy but they made me do this… would you like to be my sister?” Shinso said, embarrassed that he had to be there at all. It was all pretty cringy. He had no clue why his dads would adopt a student out of the blue since he didn’t know your story other than the fact that you tried to commit.

You were shocked. You were too numb to cry but you were so happy that you almost caved.

“W-what?” You needed a reality check. ‘Is this even real?’ You thought.

“We want to adopt you. However, the decision is all yours.” Aizawa said with pleading eyes. He really didn’t want to give you a choice. He wanted to help you and wanted you to be his own daughter to teach you the love of a real dad. Not some chewed up trash you called ‘dad’ in the past.

“I would love to!” You hugged your two new parents and Mic told Shinso to join the hug since you would soon be a part of the family. Shinso awkwardly hugged you and his dads while cringing.

“So uh… why are we adopting her?” Shinso said, not meaning to break the happy atmosphere.

You look down and grit your teeth. You pull yourself together and tell him the bare minimum. You were trying to ease the pain both on you and your new family. This made Shinso livid. How could someone do that? This is where protective Shinso kicked in. He comforted you and shocked his parents in the process. They had no idea how comforting Shinso could be until now.

Time skip ^~^

You got out of the hospital and everyone kept an eye on you so they could possibly come that close to losing you again. It turns out your parents associated with the LOV. This was hard for you to deal with so you turned to the blade, being extra careful on placement and depth. You didn’t want what happened in the past to happen again.

You were officially adopted by the two teachers and Shinso helped with your panic attacks when you occasionally called him. Turns out he was amazing at this whole comforting thing and would immediately run to you when you needed it. Of course you still had relapses but no one knew that. You didn’t want to hurt them.

The difference is that you relapsed less and you could actually smile a real smile. You were happy even though you had your moments. When Eri was adopted you were the best sister you could be. You protected her and helped her panic attacks like Shinso would do for you. Aizawa would look at you with pride, he was happy that you found peace.

After a while your family found out about your relapses and kept a closer eye on you but they comforted you. They made you feel alive. That was until your metal health got twisted out of nowhere. You fell deep into the dark. You tried to tell your dads about it and they comforted you well.

“D-dads. Can I talk to you guys?” You were nervous about how to say you were getting worse.

“Of course love!” Mic said as both of them dropped what they were doing once they heard your tone of voice.

“What is it hun?” Aizawa said sitting down with you on the couch followed by Mic on the other side of you.

“I want to die.” You didn’t know how to say it any other way. You had to say it bluntly or you wouldn’t have been able to say anything at all.

“I-“ Mic pulled you into a hug. Eri overheard this small conversation.

“Is this why you slice your skin and cry at night?“ Eri asked while walking over. Everyone was stunned.

“W-what.” You were upset with yourself for letting her see that even if it wasn’t your fault. Your dads had no idea what to say.

“I wanted to die too when I was with those villains. I don’t feel it anymore since you made me feel better!” Eri said, sounding sickeningly innocent.

“Baby you felt that way?” Aizawa asked, tearing up about this whole situation.

“Oh my god..” Mics breath was taken away.

Of course Shinso walked in when everyone was crying.

“Did I miss something? Should I be crying too?” Shinso said confused and walked over to the group of crying family members.

“Well I guess at least 2 of the 5 people in this room want to die.” You laugh at the pathetic situation.

“WHAT? WHO?” Shinso is confused.

“Me and Eri. At least Eri doesn’t want to anymore.” You say going back to crying.

Now Shinso has joined the group that is crying. He begged you to stay safe and begged Eri to not think like that. He was a mess. His dads remembered the suicide attempt Aizawa made and regretted. They begged you to stay with them.

Pathetic time skip T~T

This helped a lot but not enough. You felt like you couldn’t carry on any more. You were haunted by nightmares and panic attacks and you felt pathetic when someone had to calm you. Especially when Mina comforted you since she would end up in tears every time.

It was going to be hard on everyone but you gave up the moment your parents became horrible to you at 5 years old. You wrote out a note and grabbed your anti depressants. Funny how you were gonna die by the hands of something that was meant to make you not want to die. Just to make sure you snuck a bottle of vodka into your room to down the pills with.

You had sworn to never drink because of your parents who were rotting in jail just like you wanted but it didn’t matter anymore. You were going to die so who cares if you drink. You started writing the note your family would have to read.

“To my amazing family,

Please know that you made my life so much better. You made me happier than I could have ever been. I’m sorry it has to end like this but I can’t take it anymore.”

A tear drips onto the page. You really didn’t want to die but you thought it would fix everything. You wouldn’t be a burden on your family and friends. They wouldn’t have to strain themselves or drop everything to comfort you. They wouldn’t have to spend their hard earned money on you. Then you continued.

“I’m so grateful for your help. Shinso, you have been the best brother. You always helped stop my panic attacks and flashbacks when our dads were busy teaching.

Aizawa, you have been an amazing dad. Your steaks were the best tasting things in the world. Your comforting was just what I needed to get this far. But this is as far as I’ll go.

Mic, you were great at cheering me up. The car rides we went on while blasting music was so much fun. You really brightened the mood whenever I was down. Too bad my mood could only be lifted so much.

To my little baby sister Eri, I hope you grow to know how to use your quirk. You’ve already made so much progress and it makes me so proud. I hope you never feel like I do right now ever again. The world may be painful so you must become a light for the world.

To Mina, you have been a great friend. I also considered you a sister. You helped me even when you didn’t know how. You have been amazing to me. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You made class more fun with the notes you handed me. It was really hard trying not to laugh in the middle of class. (Sorry Aizawa and Mic school in general bores me)

To class 1A, you guys were a lot of fun to be around. We fought really well together. You guys are super strong and I know you’ll make super amazing hero’s one day. Treat this as the disappearing part of my quirk. I will always be there watching. Who knows, I might even smack you guys around if you feel down haha.

Thank you all! Really… I needed you guys. I’m sorry again for having to do this. I would have been long gone by now without you all. Please don’t be too sad. I’m just going on a road trip… to the after life. Don’t worry though!! I’ll bring souvenirs if I get to come back!”

You needed to add a small joke. Duh! Then you cried a bit. Silently of course. You locked your door before writing the note so that was one less worry. You folded the note into a cute heart. You opened the bottle of vodka, getting a whiff of the poisonous drink. You cringed a little and then took a sip. You were too numb to feel a thing.

You opened the bottles of pills and got ready. You dumped the pills into your hand and chugged some vodka. You got more and more numb the more vodka you consumed. You left the other third of the bottle to swallow. You shoved the pills into your mouth and swallowed them with more alcohol. You felt dizzy from the intoxication.

Then your stomach churned. Your head was pounding and your limbs were going numb.

*THUMP*

Everyone heard your body hit the floor except for Eri who was a heavy sleeper.

“Y/n? You ok?” Aizawa asked.

“…”

“Y/n, please answer” mic pleaded.

“…”

“Fine!” Shinso banged on the door but couldn’t break it down.

Aizawa stepped up to break the door down. “Mic, call an ambulance. NOW!”

The door broke off its hinges. They saw you. Laying on the floor. Lifeless.

They all froze as Mic told the emergency operator to hurry. Aizawa dropped to his knees next to you checking your pulse that had disappeared. He started crops and Shinso grabbed the heart shaped note. He read it out loud and then they noticed Eri, who had woken up from the banging and yelling, standing at the doorway crying.

She had listened to the note and watched as you were taken away. She was destroyed along with the rest of your family. She swore to help anyone who felt that way. She swore to carry on and help her family. Aizawa impatiently waited to hear the doctor say you were ok. He wanted to make things better. He wanted to fully heal you this time.

Mic promised to never let you leave his sight. He begged whatever god he needed to, to make sure you would be ok. Shinso was left as an empty shell. He felt angry and confused. He couldn’t fathom losing you. He couldn’t help but cry and look at the ground.

What they didn’t know was that you were watching this. It was like an out of body experience. This confused you. It made you wonder if you succeeded. You actually regretted doing this. Then everything went black.

*beep*beep*beep*

“A heart monitor?” You thought. “Am I still alive?”

You open your eyes to see that you fell asleep at your desk. The beeping was your alarm clock. You looked around and realized that My Hero Academia was still just a show. You noticed a pen in your hand.

That was the last line of our story… but it wasn’t real. It was just me and a pen and paper. I wrote it all…(@Katelyn on tik tok p.s. I couldn’t find her normal @)

How can something feel so real but be nothing but a dream. Truly I wish I never woke up if it meant I got to be with them. (@Bash11_13 on tik tok)

Your heart shattered when you heard your mom screaming at you to get ready because another man was coming by to “play” with you…..

[trensu]

Episode 45: The One where the Juniors Stick It to the Old People

Still in the demon subdue palace aka wwx's classy cave and wwx is putting ss on the spot and it's great

he's implying that su she is just the distraction or whatever so jgy can enact the Ultimate Evil Master Plan

oooh, i like this idiom he used here

"the mantis is catching the cicada, not aware of the bird behind it."

nice

I LOVE WATCHING WWX BE CLEVER

HE'S SO ATTRACTIVE DOING HIS DETECTIVE WORK

HE JUST BLUFFED HIS WAY INTO MAKING SU SHE REVEAL HIS HAND AND IT WAS AWESOME

he was all, why don't you prove me wrong and play the Totally Not Evil Magic Music you played before?? hm? 

su she ofc didn't play it so wwx pulls out some papers from his robe and is like, that's alright i'll just have lqr read this sheet music i stole from your boss's secret chamber...

and then su she panics and tries to stop him but lwj launches bichen at su she like a boss

The only unbelievable thing here is that su she somehow managed to block bichen and send it right back to lwj tbh 

(thus revealing he still had access to his own spiritual energy lol what a loser)

Lwj catches it gracefully and does a serious pose and side-eyes su she with all the venom he can muster lol

Ewww, su she just spat blood and disrupted the magic circle (bc he knows he’s been caught out)

lwj ofc tries to attack him again but su she is COWARD and teleports himself away

The puppets try to storm the place but wn is on them in an instant

Oh, lwj gets bichen ready to help but wwx grabs him by the arm to stop him

Wwx: it won’t work, don’t bother

Lwj doesn’t look happy about this but he lowers his sword anyway

sect leader yao starts talking but idc what he has to say

Wwx takes the time to spell out that ss is working for jgy and they’re both up to no good

Bc apparently all his detective-y exposition didn’t make it obvious enough

God, it must hurt wwx to be surrounded by idiots all the time...

wn is still fighting off puppets but he lets wwx know that he’s not gonna be able to hold them back for very much longer

The fact that he can hold them back by himself like this at all is amazing tbh

So lsz, being the protective badass sweetie pie that he is, immediately dives in after wn, offering to help!

Jin ling sees him do this and draws his sword to follow behind but jc stops him…

JC IS GIVING JL THE ZIDIAN

Lol Jc’s all like don't lose it! But jin ling doesn’t take it!! 

He actually shoves his way passed jc and throws himself into the throng of puppets with just his father’s sword

Jc is FURIOUS, he’s all, get back here you idiot!! 

Jin ling ofc doesn’t listen

Lsz: you should go back

JL: I won’t!

LSZ AND JL, I LOVE THEM SO. LOOK AT THOSE PRECIOUS BABIES BE BETTER PEOPLE THAN THE OLD FARTS IN THE CAVE

So now we have wn, lsz, and jl fighting off the puppets and protecting everyone

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WWX TOOK OFF HIS OUTER ROBE AND REVEALED LWJ'S UNDERTHINGS 

wwx slices his fingers on bichen to start writing on lwj's white inner robes that he’s shamelessly wearing and displaying to the world

lwj watches him VERY INTENTLY, LOL

WWX IS USING HIMSELF AS BAIT!! THE MARKINGS ARE GONNA LURE THE PUPPETS TO HIM!!!

AND HANGUANG JUN IS GOING TO BE FIGHTING OFF THE PUPPETS THAT GET NEAR HIM

BC THEY'RE SOULMATES AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER

AND THEY’RE A FANTASTIC TEAM OVERALL

Ljy tries to offer himself up as bait too but wwx is like nope! You all just stay out of our way

Ljy tries to protest but lwj cuts him off with a “listen to him.”

Then our boys share a brief look before throwing themselves into the fray

They look so cool here! Wwx lands steady on his feet with a solid thunk and brings his flute up to his (beautiful) lips

In contrast lwj slides in with sharp glide right next to wwx and gets battle-ready 

LOOK AT MY SUNSHINE BOY PLAY HIS FLUTE LIKE A BOSS

God he looks so good when he’s focused like this

LOOK AT LWJ FIGHT OFF HUNDREDS OF PUPPETS LIKE A BADASS

Lwj is twirling around wwx so fast, fighting back every puppet that comes his way

Wwx is dodging any that get too close but he’s also smoothly bobbing and weaving around lwj’s attacks

THEY WORK SO SEAMLESSLY TOGETHER I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

meanwhile wn helps clear the way for the rest of the cultivators to escape

cut to the cultivators swarmed around the exit of the burial mounds, yao is talking, yuck

sect leaders yao and ouyang are the worst. 

they're all, let's just leave and go to lotus pier to recover!!

jc is like, you want us to leave just like that?? (YOU COWARDLY BASTARDS, he doesn’t say but i know in my heart that he’s screaming that in his head) 

and the other guys are like, yeah, it's not like lwj and wwx are gonna survive that 

jl is like BULLSHIT OFC THEY'LL COME BACK (i love my bratty son)

And Jin Ling is Right BC LWJ IS COMING OUT OF THE WOODS WITH WWX LEANING AGAINST HIM

Wwx looks all weak and worn out. Like, he’s leaning against lwj heavily and lwj is watching him all worriedly

Wwx knees buckle and he goes down, but thankfully since lwj still has his hands on him, he doesn’t fall hard

LSZ RUNS TO THEM AND IS LIKE R U OK???

POOR BABY IS SO WORRIED AND UPSET!!

Lwj still has his eyes glued on wwx but you can tell that he’s starting to feel weary from the battle too

wwx is like we're okay, don’t worry, AND THEN PASSES OUT

which is the EXACT OPPOSITE of okay, omg

Lwj does this little gasp and twitches towards wwx but thankfully lsz is able to catch wwx before he hit the ground

Lsz is frantically calling his name but wwx is completely out of it and all we hear him say in response is a very weak “a-yuan”

At that, lwj’s eyes shift from wwx to lsz and he just stares at him bc here is his son, frantic over wwx, his soulmate, and his son's other father.

And there is his soulmate, murmuring their son’s name

AND NEITHER OF THEM KNOW WHO THEY ARE TO ONE ANOTHER

BC LWJ KEEPS NOT TELLING THEM FOR SOME REASON??:?

cut to some docks on the river

fucking yao and ouyang are running their mouths again

i hate those losers, i'm ignoring what they're saying

oooh, wn is approaching the juniors. lsz specifically. jl gets all on guard.

lol all the other juniors cower away but lsz stands his ground. 

aw ☹️ wn steps back when he sees the kids get all scared

now we're getting some info from lsz that's heavily implying that lsz is actually a-yuan. 

wn is so excited here bc he might have a surviving family member! he's so happy!! It’s adorable!!!

wn: can i call you a-yuan?

lsz: ofc! (WITH THE SWEETEST SMILE!)

wn: a-yuan, how have you all these years?

Lsz: i’ve been living well!

EXCUSE ME A MOMENT. I'M DEF NOT CRYING. JUST GOT SOMETHING IN MY EYE. LIKE A TREE BRANCH OR EMOTIONS OR SMTH. IT'S FINE.

here we learn that lwj started taking care of lsz  since he was about 5yo, and he taught him to play the guqin

WN GIVES HIM A LITTLE PAPER BUTTERFLY

AND HE FLASHES BACK TO A HAND GIVING HIM A PAPER BUTTERFLY AND IT'S SO OBVIOUSLY LWJ'S HAND

wn is all teary-eyed and tries to reach out to touch lsz's face

but jl draws his sword and startles them

lsz gets between them but jl is all like step aside, this is none of your bsns

lsz: jin ling, put your sword away first

jl: get away! *shoves lsz*

He regrets it IMMEDIATELY if the way his jerked forwards to, idk, grab him is anything to go by.

He holds himself back tho bc he’s cursed with pride and general awkwardness towards his crush like his father before him

lol everyone rushes to catch lsz bc lsz is a sweetie-pie and everyone loves him

wn is all it's okay if you're mad at me, i won't fight you but don't hurt lsz!

oyzz: he was caring for you! how could you push him and ignore his kindness?

omg oyzz really does have a sensitive soul. what a sweet boy.

then someone mutters smth like oh, he's so ill-bred and ofc jl hears it

jl: right! i'm just that awful, so what?

now we cut to lwj and wwx who are on one of the boats! 

lwj has his guqin out and is playing magic music for wwx who's got his eyes closed and eyebrows are all pinched together

WWX IS SO BEAUTIFUL, EVEN WHEN HE'S OBVIOUSLY EXHAUSTED AND IN PAIN

lwj can hear the juniors bickering and wwx starts fussing in his sleep muttering jin ling jin ling

lwj: wei ying

and wwx startles awake

wwx: lan zhan, what happened?

lwj: you passed out

wwx: not me. i mean, jin ling?

ofc wwx doesn't care what happened to him, ofc he only cares about what happened to his nephew

lwj doesn't answer but they both hear the bickering on the docks

we cut back to the juniors

jl is like, yeah i'm awful but you can't discipline me!!

wwx: what is going on?

and we watch wwx exit the boat and make his way down the dock to where the juniors are

and i was thoroughly distracted by his slim waist in those swirling black robes and had to rewind to watch it again

jin ling looks like he's about to cry and he has wn at sword point and wwx is all gently telling jin ling to put his sword down

jl: i won't!

wwx: jin ling!

jl: no!

and then he has a meltdown. he's all like, so i'm acting childish, satisfied? AND MY POOR BRATTY SON STARTS SOBBING HIS LITTLE HEART OUT CLUTCHING HIS SWORD 

jl: this is my father's sword, i won't put it down!

AND NOBODY IS GOING TO HIM. NOBODY GETS NEAR HIM OR TRIES TO HUG HIM AS HE CRIES WITH HIS WHOLE BODY, MY POOR LITTLE BOY

SOMEBODY GIVE THIS KID SOME GODDAMN AFFECTION ALREADY

LIKE, EVEN A PAT ON THE SHOULDER OR SOMETHING. ANYTHING!!

all the juniors look down awkwardly but wwx swallows back tears bc he knows that he's partially responsible for the way jin ling hurts rn. even lwj looks sympathetic

(oh, finally remembered that this is a kid in pain, huh, lwj?)

jc hears his nephew crying and comes out of his own boat

jc: a-ling! why are you crying? come here.

and jl goes running to him

and it's kind of sweet how he does it?? idk. 

the lack of hesitation indicates that he sees jc as a safe person to run to and it's sweet, i guess.

jl starts scrubbing his face in his sleeve to get rid of the tears

jc: what's wrong? who made you cry?

i wouldn't say he asks this tenderly but his voice is softer and not nearly as sharp as it usually is when he talks to people

and you KNOW he’s ready and willing to rain hellfire on whoever made his nephew cry

jl doesn't answer but jc glares down the dock where everyone is standing

LOL EVERYONE LOOKS DOWN 

THE JUNIORS, WWX, WN

THEY ALL AVOID JC'S GAZE AND HAVE THE GUILTIEST LOOKS ON THEIR FACES

lwj doesn't look away tho and his face is in its usual neutral state 

but we all know how lwj and jc's relationship is so this is not surprising

then yao has to open his mouth again but what he says doesn't matter, it's how the juniors react that matters

oyzz is all like why are you using that tone? if wwx wanted to hurt us, we wouldn't have made it this far, right?

lsz: oyzz is right!

lol oyzz does this little chin thrust like heck yeah i'm right

LOL jc is like, sect leader ouyang, the mouthy kid is yours, isn't he? he's so good at talking 

I LOVE WHEN JC GETS LIKE THIS. 

HE SAYS IT SO MILDLY AND OUYANG LOOKS PAINED AS HELL

NHS SMIRKS IN THE BACKGROUND

IT'S GREAT

ouyang: zizhen, come here to your father

oyzz: father, you said i shouldn't disturb you

and his dad's all like, get over here right now and oyzz ducks behind lsz and says I WON'T

LOVE THAT KID LOL

his dad proceeds to scold him and nhs is giggling in the background, i LOVE it

some jiang disciple goes up to jc to let him know they're ready to set off to lotus pier

Jc to wwx: you're barefaced enough to go back there?

wwx looks stricken

lwj is watching his face closely, concerned bc his soulmate is hurting (again) bc of jc (again).

we make it to lotus pier by nightfall

Side note to mention that the scenery and music as they travel down the river to lotus pier is really beautiful

Everybody files in but jc stops in front of our boys and wn and doesn't budge until wn says he'll stay behind. 

and even then he doesn't say our boys can come in, he just turns around and walks off

AWWWWWW

LSZ TELLS WN HE'S GOING TO STAY WITH HIM AND KEEP HIM COMPANY

WN IS SO SURPRISED AND HAPPY

AND OUR BOYS ARE WATCHING THIS HAPPEN

WWX IS ALL WIDE-EYED

He makes a move like he's going to join them and lwj stops him

lwj: let them be.

you know lwj, this would be a perfect time TO TELL WWX THAT LSZ IS HIS KID, HIS LITTLE A-YUAN.

but no, instead he just gazes at him soulfully

which, okay, i'm never gonna say no to soulful gazes BUT YOU CAN MULTITASK, CAN'T YOU??

LWJ, YOU CAN LOOK AT HIM WITH YOUR WHOLE  HEART IN YOUR EYES AND TALK AT THE SAME TIME.

Oh, lwj and wwx are at the gates of lotus pier and wwx looks at the sign above the gates 

his eyes get all red-rimmed and you can see his throat bob 

BC HE'S HURTING. 

BC THIS WAS HIS HOME WHERE HIS SISTER AND BROTHER LIVED AND LOVED HIM AND NOW HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY OF THAT

god the way lwj looks at him whenever these moments pop up...he knows exactly when wwx starts hurting inside and he keeps his eyes trained on him the entire time until wwx indicates he's ready to keep moving

we cut to a little moment between lsz and wn where lsz tells us how lwj raised him with a bunch of bunnies and it's adorable

We cut to sword hall where all the cultivators are gathered

jc gets called away and as he's going to tend to whatever it is he sees wwx try to go towards swords hall and glares at him

wwx literally had one foot over the threshold and he awkwardly drags it back out at jc's glare

poor wwx. he just looks awkward all over.

like, he looks down and away and gets kinda fidgety. can't meet jc's eyes. BUT HE STILL MAKES IT LOOK SO PRETTY

lwj on the other hand stares right back at jc, lol, to emphasize I'M NOT INTIMIDATED BY YOU EVEN IF THIS IS YOUR HOME I'M IN RN.

and only after that's, like, telepathically communicated or smth do his eyes flicker over to wwx to see how he's doing.

after jc stalks off, wwx does that cute little nose tap thing he does

wwx: lan zhan, sit down~

and he indicates the stoop with a playful smile

lwj looks at the stoop for like half a second before walking around wwx like NOPE, sitting on stoops is not a thing that hanguang jun does

wwx's mouth curls into a little scowl like fine, be that way.

he sits down on the stoop himself while lwj leans on the pillar next to it, eyes closed and arms crossed and basically looking like a very beautiful and elegant statute

LOLOLOLOL

WWX GOES TO SPRAWL BACK ONTO THE STOOP, RESTING ON ELBOWS 

AND LWJ, WITH HIS EYES STILL CLOSED SAYS: No misbehavior.

HE KNOWS WEI YING SO WELL

wwx looks up at him and pouts but still straightens up so he's sitting properly

wwx starts to sulk and complain about how jc's been gone for so long when jc shows up with a couple of ladies following him

jc pauses to look at our boys and says "come on in" shortly and turns on his heel to enter swords hall

Lol wwx turns to look at lwj with a big smile on his face bc hey, look at that! jc invited them in!!

wwx and lwj just loiter awkwardly near the entrance of sword hall

now we're gonna get a whole bunch of exposition that we don't care much about

blah blah jgy arranged for jgs to die surrounded by prostitutes blah blah

blah blah jgy knowingly married his half-sister blah blah

and throughout all this exposition, wwx is the only one who asks questions and looks for more details.

the rest of them are all willing to take everything at face value which really just explains everything about how they all ended up in this mess, tbh

we also keep getting reaction shots from jin ling and it makes me sad. 

he does the death grip on his sword, and looks shocked and confused at every revelation, poor boy.

and the episode ends as the crowd starts to get riled up over all this brand new information

Which honestly is a relief bc things were getting WAY TOO PLOTTY for my tastes

Return to Masterpost

[science-lings]

I'm glad you had fun doing it because I had so much fun reading it! what about some headcanons about Tony and Peter spending some sort of holiday together? may and pepper would be good aswell!

okay, let’s do a few of my favorite holidays. 

Pride Month: 

Tony already has a bisexual-pride iron man suit featuring glitter and a rainbow confetti canon so he can fly over the crowd and shower the gays with colorful bits of paper. All of which are biodegradable and disintegrate before the parade is even over. He flys around and says hi to all the kids and is generally like his iron man 2 kind of presenter but like more queer. 

Peter’s first pride was as spider-man, he worked on his suit with Tony for a month and it’s not for fighting. Its fabric changes color on command so he can go between trans pride colors to ace pride colors to bi pride colors to rainbow and he can’t stop changing them the whole time. He also has a trans pride flag as a cape the whole time. He does a whole lot of interacting with people and spending his money on pins and has too many of them at this point. He sticks to Tony’s back to fly around and waving at the people below. 

May and Pepper, who do not like hurling in the air but still like being a part of things, end up taking charge of the stark industries funded avengers float (the main six if we want to care about civil war or not idc) each with a different pride-themed outfit even if they didn’t completely co-respond with the avengers actual identities. Like I headcanon Steve as straight but maybe trans idk, he’s a confused old man that has to take several days to research the gays and then realizes OH THAT’S A SLUR WHOOPS. 

I don’t know that the avenger's float would look like but if spider man is part of it, he’s on iron man’s back and even in paper mache looks very excited. The next year they go as themselves and go all out with face paint and stuff. Tony is already good at makeup so he gives Peter some crazy blue, purple, and pink eyeshadow and even some sharp eyeliner. They went all out with outfits and for some reason, no one could recognize Tony Stark when he has so much makeup on and fishnet tights. May bleached and dyed her hair rainbow because Tony said he’d pay for it and she was not one to pass up free fun. Pepper got a rainbow pantsuit and rainbow heart glasses and resumed work as normal. She didn’t bring it up. 

Halloween:

Tony is experienced in elaborate Halloween costumes that only celebrities can afford. It started at MIT before that he wasn’t allowed to do anything for Halloween because Howard is a dick. Tony has gone from everything from a demon and a vampire to slutty Captain America and slutty Darth Vader. He thinks he’s funny. He went to the superhero-themed met gala as a gender-bent black widow, he dyed his hair red and wore classy black leather. That was the year he convinced Natasha to come and she wore an Iron Man themed dress that showed off her strong arms and featured a cloak. It also featured a glowing fully functioning arc reactor because Tony didn’t do things halfway.  

May had always helped Peter with making his own Halloween costumes and since he's pretty proven to be good at sewing, he usually makes his own. Usually, they weren’t amazing but he worked hard on them. He turned some old dented metal from a destroyed car into a partially functioning iron man suit that he wore for several Halloweens and refuses to show Tony but eventually it just happens. 

Together with Tony’s fashion sense and Peter’s enthusiasm, they become an unstoppable Halloween team and go all out every single year. Tony made a more family-friendly Darth Vader as Peter went as Luke Skywalker, both with real lightsabers that they had way too much fun making. However, he couldn’t take it to school. Thankfully a Han Solo flavored Ned and a for some reason Goth Princess Leia themed MJ came over to Stark Tower for a chill Halloween party and got so see the lightsabers. Under heavy supervision by an Obi-Wan Kenobi Aunt May. She only withstood the fake beard for pictures.  

Pepper goes to work as a clown every year and her only explanation is that its symbolism for her life. Before she was CEO she dressed up as a strawberry as for a while that was the scariest thing to her. 

EXTRA:

Tony has a massive panic attack every Fourth of July. Then he has cheeseburgers with his family that May makes because Tony would find a way to start a fire and no one wants to deal with that. 

Tony has a panic attack every Christmas as it’s the time that always reminds him of his parent's death. Then he watches the grinch four times in a row. He has memorized the whole film as a coping mechanism. 

May and Peter go out for Italian every valentine’s day and reminisce on happy story about ben before getting sad and gorging on breadsticks again. 

okay this is long again whoopsies 

[rainywritingsx]

Request: Can I get a bnha matchup please? ;u; I'm a transman, 165 cm, 20 and bi/pan with no gender preference. I'm usually quiet/reserved, monotone/boring when spoken to, but once a subject of interest is brought up, or when im with someone I'm comfy with, my personality does a 180 - I'm loud, sarcastic, and annoying. My sense of humor is all over the place lol Ive been told that I'm "old in spirit" bc I'm really mature when I need to be, even if most of the time I act like I'm 5 lmaoo

I'm pretty chill for the most part, idc what u do as long as it's not hurting anybodyhdjdh im also rlly stubborn but a huge pushover, dunno how that works. I'm both carefree and a worrywart (to both others and myself) and I typically hold my emotions in cause I don't wanna bother others. I try to help others 24/7, even if it affects me negatively. Uhh physically speaking im a lot stronger then look, and I own literally no nice clothes lol its all graphic Ts, cargo pants and hoodies for me

I'm a huge ass nerd when it comes to anything science related, especially paleontology + herpetology. I love all animals (no phobias) and I have 3 snakes whom I adore. I also like to draw and write occasionally. I have severe MDD and SAD, so even with meds I can have really bad depressive episodes and/or panic attacks. This is getting super long so I'll stop now fjfkh thank you !! Sorry if I repeated info I got a shit memory

Before I start, I personally have no experience with MDD or SAD, but I did look up both disorders and I hope that what I wrote about them is okay. If you’d like to correct me, please feel free to do so ^^ 

I’m sorry that this is so long lol, but I wanted to discuss as many things you noted as possible ^^ Hope you enjoy it!! ^^

Reminder that as of right now, requests are closed!

I ship you wiiiith

Hawks!

Your personality reminds me of a rainbow in a way? So, I feel like Hawks would never ever find a day boring with you! Since he has this whole thing of people calling him fast etc, I lowkey get the idea that that also applies to his personal relationships, so having someone with so many fun personality traits is perfect for him.

I think Hawks is mature in a way, just like you are. I mean, he started his own agency at 18 and a few years later he is the number 3 Hero, that definitely does something to you. So I think it’s nice to him that you are the same, while also remaining carefree most of the time. It makes his busy and serious life a bit more fun.

Your chill attitude is yet another thing Hawks loves, since he wants to be that way as well. Also, with his job, he most likely can’t always tell you everything about it for safety reasons. As for whether it’s hurting people… He can’t always promise you he won’t do that, but he will let you know it’s always with good intentions. Villains can’t always be defeated with just talking to them.

It kind of warms his heart when you are worried about him. I don’t think Hawks is really the type to fall in love easily, so if he had any relationships before meeting you they may not always have been genuine. While part of him likes it, he also doesn’t want you to worry. He always promises to come back, and it does make him a bit more careful when patrolling, because the last thing he wants to do is upset his wonderful boyfriend.

Now, when it comes to you keeping in your emotions, this is where it gets a bit difficult. I don’t know exactly how much time you two will be able to spend together, so he may not always be able to be there for you when you’re having a hard time. However, while Hawks appears to be chill, he’s also smart and analytic and notices when you are feeling down. He won’t force you to tell him what is wrong as he knows it’s hard for you, but he does reassure you that you’d never ever bother him and he will always listen to whatever you have to say. However, if it seems to go on for a long time, he might push you a bit more, simply because he knows keeping it in won’t do any good. But also here he can tell when it really gets too much, so if you still won’t tell him, he will be a little hurt, but definitely stop.

He thinks you’re the sweetest person ever, but he also worries about your well-being at times. If he sees you absolutely exhausted but still telling him everything is fine, he will just scoop you up and go somewhere so you can relax for a bit. Sorry not sorry :p

He thinks it’s kinda hot that you’re stronger than you may seem heh, like if you work out or just do something that requires strength and he sees it, he might make a flirty remark about it and appear chill but on the inside he lowkey panics because uhm what how is his boyfriend so attractive???? explain?

I don’t think Hawks cares that much about what you wear really, if you feel comfortable in it that’s all that matters. You could literally wear a potato sack and he will think you’re the most attractive person on the planet. He might even spoil you a little by buying you hoodies and other clothing which he knows you would love. And no, he won’t let you give it back, it’s yours.

I can’t really see Hawks being super interested in paleontology or herpetology, but he won’t mind you rambling about those things to him! While he might not always focus 100% on what you’re actually saying, he will study your face, smiling at how your eyes are lighting up and your lips are curled in a happy smile as you go on and on about it. If you catch him not listening to you, he will just make a remark related to your beauty, partly to see how you react and partly because he genuinely means it.

So you love animals? Bird boi is perfect for you, now he sees why you fell for him ;). He definitely likes birds, i don’t think he particularly adores any animals but I can see him strongly disliking some mammals like cats and dogs (I think these sometimes eat birds sooooo yeah..) He definitely thinks your snakes are pretty cool.

Hawks doesn’t seem like much of a reader, but he would definitely love to see your drawings! He thinks every single one of them is super awesome, and if you ever give one to him, he will definitely make sure it gets a special place in his house, a place where he can look at it easily whenever he misses you or just feels like it.

As for your MDD and SAD, at first Hawks will be clueless on how he can help you out. If you have a depressive episode that causes you to isolate yourself, he will definitely force you to go outside. It could be just walking to his place, or taking you on a nice flight at night over the city. Afterwards, he will bring you to your favourite restaurant or buy you food that he knows you love. You will also definitely be showered in lots of love and affection. If you’re uncomfortable with PDA however, he will only do it when you two are alone. He will also joke around and flirt with you just to see you smile, but if he sees it doesn’t help he will stop.

Same goes with your anxiety attacks, at first he’s completely lost on what to do. Hawks isn’t stupid of course, but he’s aware that every person is different. If he finds out about this before you have an attack, he will ask you what would help you in situations like that. However, if this happens without him knowing about it at all, he can recognise what’s happening and will do his best to get you to calm down first before talking about it with you. Hawks may not always seem like the most serious guy, but when it comes to you he’s dead serious and always careful. 

So, you’d be very lucky to have someone like him by your side :) Once Hawks is in a relationship, he will give his all. And any moment with him is definitely far from boring

[mirohed]

kim seunghun | love me, love me not

pairing: kim seunghun + gender neutral reader

wc: 3.7k

genre: hanahaki au + angst 

synopsis: daffodils represent unrequited love. is that why you keep coughing them up?

warnings: implications of suggestive content, descriptions of illness (and mention of surgery), mention of alcohol

playlist: love me, love me not.

a/n: happy birthday to me!! im glad i finally got to finish and post this (its,,, been in my wips since at least february LMAO) !! they prob wont read this but i wanted to thank my irls for dealing w me and my kpop bullshit (esp bc none of them stan ygtb 😔)

It's getting worse.

Your knuckles turn white, gripping the porcelain of the toilet. Tears and blood alike fall into the bowl, disturbing the gentle peace of the water. You pound at your chest, the action causing you to hack up yellow daffodil petals stained suspicious red. It's a monotonous process at this point. Pound. Cough. Pound. Cough. Repeat until the damned coughing stops.

It takes ten minutes before you return to normal. Or at least as normal as you can get. You got lucky this time.

You watch the petals spiral downward into the gaping hole in the toilet and get flushed away.

Being with Seunghun wasn't always accompanied by a tightness in your chest and petals tickling your throat.

june 19, 2005; 2:52 PM.

"I wanna grow up," you had grumbled, your hands squeezed around the chains of the swingset. You and Seunghun had been riding your bikes for the first time since getting the training wheels off. You had sped down a hill ("First one down’s a rotten egg!") and lost control, falling off and scraping your knee on the pavement. He rushed you to your parents' house, supporting your weight with an arm around your waist. The two of you had settled for playing on the swingset in your backyard instead.

"Me too," he said. "I think." He'd been rocking forward and backward on the swing, eyes focused on the blades of grass underfoot.

"You think?"

"I don't know." You stayed silent, trying to gain as much height as possible with your uninjured leg. "I don't wanna grow up and stop being friends." That got you to stop right in your tracks, your leg planted on the ground.

"What?" You sent an incredulous look his way. "Why would we stop being friends?"

He had let go of the swing, his hands finding his lap. "Some of the older kids stopped being friends when they grew up," he mumbled. "I don't wanna stop being friends, but neither did they..."

You got off the swing, limping over to him and wrapping Seunghun in the biggest hug your six-year-old arms could muster.

"We're gonna be best friends forever. Don't forget that."

"Best friends forever." If he wrapped his arms tighter around you then, you didn’t pick up on it.

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i had fun today :^))

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i wanna adopt a puppy!!

[09:55 PM] huniebee🐝: will you promise to help me take care of it

You brighten as the messages come in, your phone's vibrations distracting you from the way your throat clogs.

[09:56 PM] you: ofc

[09:56 PM] you: well be the best puppy parents the worlds ever seen

[09:57 PM] huniebee🐝: wait i need to send the pics from the pet shelter

[Attachment: 8 images]

You save each picture, cooing over the puppies you got to meet. This time, you only get a precious few minutes of relative clarity before things get too distracting to ignore. You return to the bathroom with a resigned sigh that devolves into a fit of coughs.

You cough and retch and cough some more. By the time you're done, there are less petals and more blood in the toilet bowl. Your chest still feels full of something you can't quite spit out.

Then you hack up something new: a bloody stem with wet flowers still attached.

There's nothing left to do but cry, your whole body wracked with pain both physical and emotional.

august 29, 2011; 3:15 PM.

"Today was fun," you said, making yourself right at home on Seunghun's bed. Your new backpack hadn't lasted more than a couple minutes in his house before getting neglected on his carpet. Your best friend hummed in acknowledgement, already sitting at his desk with his workbook out. "I'm glad we got to meet some new people," you continued, "but that Hyunsuk guy? Seems like a major pain in the ass."

"Give him a chance."

"I know, I know. I will. But still," you huffed, “it was his first day too. No need to act like a know-it-all."

"I know. But it's the first day. Maybe he'll even himself out with time."

The conversation ended there, and you spent some time staring at his ceiling fan, the blades going round and round in a big, beautiful blur. Before long, you had grown bored, looking over at him only to see his pencil flying across the paper.

"Hey. Let's go to the mall and get pretzels." Seunghun spun around to face you, a foot stopping his chair from going too far.

"Sure," he gave a placid smile. "Do your work first."

You groaned as loudly as you could, sounding much like a petulant child straight out of elementary school. (Which was more or less the truth, but you thought you were better than that.) After a few minutes of uninterrupted whining and failing to get Seunghun to break, you spoke up. "Why do I need to do my work? You're Mr. Hardworking, Mr. Teacher's Pet."

"We're in middle school now," he had said, and you remember thinking you were in for a long lecture, "and pretty soon, we're gonna have to go to high school and take entrance exams and decide which university we want to go to and..." He averted his gaze, put down his pen. "We need to start growing up."

"We're still young," you reasoned, sitting up and letting your legs dangle off the side of his bed. "If anything, this is our time to experience things and, you know, make mistakes before we become adults!"

He was silent for a few long, agonizing moments, long enough to make you think you'd won. The pretzels were within reach; all you had to do was ask for them.

"I call a compromise."

Shit. Compromises were common in your friendship. Seunghun was always a little too good at stopping you from making stupid decisions. The worst part was that you could never argue with them. "We go to the mall to get pretzels—my treat—if, and only if, you do your work. We don't go until we're both finished. Deal?"

You opened your mouth, determined to pick the proposal apart, but his reasoning was (unpleasant, yet) bulletproof. Instead, you reached for your backpack with a heavy sigh. "First of all, fuck you. Second of all," you said, tugging your own workbook out, "you're impossible."

"I know. Do your work."

"Fine."

The math problems had been difficult, definitely harder than you were used to, but doable. If anything, the greasy mall pretzels that were way too salty to be healthy made it all worth it.

Seunghun gets understandably very worried when you text him from the hospital, but he comes to see you nonetheless. In his arms is a bouquet of daffodils.

"They symbolize friendship," he says, setting it down on the table next to you. You stare at the pristine yellow petals and flatten your lips in a tight smile. How ironic, you think, that he doesn't know they also symbolize unrequited love.

"The doctors wouldn't tell me why you're here. Classified information, they said." That much is true; nor much is known about the disease outside of shitty romance movies with unrealistically happy endings. Seunghun always believed in them. You never did.

You don't think your story's gonna have a happy ending.

You didn't want him to know anyway, lest he worry. (And you don't want to think about what would happen to your friendship if he found out he was the cause of it all.) "You don't have to tell me," he begins, sitting himself down on one of those rigid hospital chairs, "I just wanna know if it's bad. Like, well...you know.” He lowers his voice to a whisper. “Terminal."

"Like if I'm gonna die?"

"Yeah," he rubs the nape of his neck, a bit abashed, "more or less."

"I don't know. Sure hope not," you chuckle. That brings on a coughing fit, and Seunghun looks on, brows knit together. He moves close to offer what little comfort he can, but you hold your hand up to stop him; having him near will only make things worse.

Petals threaten to spill out of your mouth, and panic bubbles in your chest when he asks if you're okay. Your doctor, bless her, chooses that moment to enter. She shooes him out "to speak to you in private." Seunghun, to his credit, obliges and flashes you a smile and a thumbs-up as he goes. You try to mirror his expression (and hope your smile isn't more of a grimace).

The door closes behind him with a soft click. "Friend of yours?" the doctor asks.

You spit the blood-stained petals into your hand, your doctor graciously looking the other way as you toss them into the trash. "You could say that."

october 4, 2013; 5:11 PM.

You tugged at your clothing, feeling more than a little uncomfortable as you waited for your best friend to show up. The DJ, a former student, was already hard at work inside the gym. You heard the bass-boosted beginning of the Cupid Shuffle and shot a frantic text to Seunghun.

[05:11 PM] you: holy shit theyre playing the cupid shuffle can you PLEASE hurry up

[05:12 PM] you: idc if this is our first homecoming you better get your ass over here

[05:12 PM] huniebee🐝: give me like two minutes!!

[05:12 PM] you: THE SONGS GONNA BE OVER IN 2 MIN

"Are you waiting for Seunghun?" Hyunsuk had asked, tie already loosened. You two had gotten close—not as close as you and Seunghun, of course—this year as a result of having classes together. You wondered why you ever hated him.

"Yeah. He won't be too late, thank God, but I'm pissed we're missing the Cupid Shuffle. What about you? I remember you bragging all week about 'flexing your dance skills in front of the ladies.' Or are you all talk, as usual?"

"You know, it's almost like you don't want me to wait with you."

You had laughed, knocking your shoulder into his. The chatter kept up for a minute or two before he made his leave. ("Well, it's time for me to flex my dance muscles in front of the seniors," he chuckled, giving you a salute as he walked off.)

"I'm here! God, I can't believe I missed the Cupid Shuffle," Seunghun said, head hung low. You began to feel a little self-conscious; you were feeling out of place in your semi-formal outfit, yet he looked right at home in his dress shirt.

Chasing those thoughts away, you grinned. "You're here now, aren't you? Come on." You took his hand and dragged him into the gym.

You don't talk to Seunghun or to Hyunsuk after that. You're not sure if you should tell Hyunsuk about the whole situation when he texts you. Seunghun must have told him something was up, of course, and he's insightful enough, sensitive enough (when he wants to be), but you worry. You're afraid he'll open his big mouth. Instead, you send a few messages to your best friend.

[04:29 AM] you: hey

[04:29 AM] you: i just wanted to say in advance that im sorry

[04:29 AM] you: im so so sorry for everything ive done and for what im about to do

There's one last message in the text box, daring you to send it. "I'm sorry I love you," you whisper instead, deleting the message before you do something you’ll regret. To seal the deal, you tap through a few menus until you reach his contact. The picture you've assigned to him is one you took; he's about to take a big bite of cotton candy bigger than his head.

With a heavy heart (though you hope it’s just the weight of the daffodils in your chest), you block his contact. It's better this way. It has to be.

Your doctor said you could get rid of the thick, thorned vines with a vicegrip around your heart and lungs, could pluck the flowers that threaten to spill out at the mere thought of your best friend.

The biggest side effect of it all, she told you, was that you'd forget all about Kim Seunghun. So you steel yourself.

The last thing you think about before they insert the thin needle of anesthesia in your veins is Seunghun's smile, and how you'll never see it in person again.

And how even if you did, you wouldn't remember it as the grin from the boy you love.

october 4, 2013; 9:16 PM.

The frenetic strobe lighting in the gym slowed to a stop, having been replaced with a spotlight making lazy rounds through the gym.

You knew that marked the beginning of a slow song, and dragged Seunghun off the floor in search of some punch. He seemed to have different plans, tugging you back on the floor and pulling you flush against him.

"Where are you going?" he had asked. "You're the one who wanted to dance the night away." His hands found your waist, yours instinctively folding behind his neck. You had wanted to say something about how that claim was void now; he was the one that made you miss the Cupid Shuffle, but the words get extinguished when you look at him.

It was just like that time you practiced in fifth grade, but you swore there was something different about tonight and the way you swayed. You thought back to your practice session in fifth grade, how you had stepped on each other's feet, how you spent the whole time laughing. (For the record, it wasn't for any lack of balance; you started it, laughing as he cried out before he stomped on your toe.)

There was no laughing during the song. Everything was vibrant and deafening and there all at once. But at the same time, it was like everything had been stripped away. Everything but you and Seunghun.

Things changed after that. You were left with a dizzying, free-fall sort of feeling that picked up with each glance at your best friend. Almost every butterfly in the world was taking current residency in your stomach, making you feel light as your body moved to the music. Before long, there was something lodged at the back of your throat, nudging its way forward.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick," you said, a particularly heavy cough bringing the mysterious lump to your mouth.

Running your tongue along the smooth texture of the lump (okay, so not phlegm), you spat the offending object into the sink: a single yellow petal, coated in saliva.

You blinked.

Blinked again.

"Oh, what the fuck," you muttered, unlocking your phone. One quick Google search later—why the fuck am i coughing up flowers—you found an answer.

Flora mortem. You were loath to believe WebMD, of all things, but you found yourself tapping the link regardless. There was another term for the rare disease: Hanahaki.

Revising your search query was a mistake. The first result was the "hanahaki" tag on Tumblr, which showed nothing but models with tears in their eyes and bloodied flowers in their mouths. Yikes.

You made your way back to the party after that, but lingering in the back of your mind was the cause of the disease: a severe case of unrequited love.

There is only one definite cure for Hanahaki Disease: having the object of the afflicted's affections return their feelings.

You almost manage to purge the petal and the stupid WebMD page from your mind for the rest of the night.

Almost.

You wake up hours later. It's a little disorienting, sure, to come to with little memory of what landed you in the hospital. You peek under the oversized hospital gown to see bandages over your chest, get tempted to rip the IV drip from your arm. The doctor comes in right before you make a move on the needle. She tells you all about how the flowers in your lungs are gone for good.

"You're saved. But the final test," she says, pulling a phone from her pocket, "is this. Do you recognize the people in this picture?"

You recognize yourself next to a boy you don't know. His hand's around your waist, pulling you close. You wear matching grins. Given the way you're both dressed, you suspect the picture's from your freshman year's homecoming dance. Weird. Memory's kinda fuzzy from that night.

"Yeah. Myself. I don't know the other guy. Am I supposed to?"

"No. You're not. Congratulations," she smiles, placing a hand on your shoulder. "You're cured."

You look through all the old messages and pictures when you have some time to yourself. You reach out for the memory, the feeling of knowing Kim Seunghun. You get nothing, and while your brain knows something's wrong, you're more concerned about being able to breathe easy.

You move to a new city, far, far away from the place you grew up in. You finish your last year of high school, get a job, start college. You make new memories with new people. You forget all about Kim Seunghun.

It gets easy to forget that you weren't born with the ugly faded red scars that run up and down your chest. It's your only remaining tie to the man you loved so much you almost let yourself wither away. You think it's a good thing you cut him off; why stick around, why force yourself to suffer, for someone who doesn't love you back? Why be with someone if it physically hurts to stay by their side?

But sometimes you wonder. What happened? What happened to him after his best friend walked out of his life for good with no explanation?

Those days are never good. You distract yourself then, often with the familiar kick of alcohol burning in the back of your throat. You've never been much of a drinker, but you figure it's never too late to start.

Sometimes, the distraction comes from being in the arms of another.

(One of your favorite distractions, a young man named Byounggon, had run his fingers along the angry lines one night, jotting them down in his map of your body.

"Do you regret it?" he asked then, eyes half-lidded with drowsiness. You cupped his cheek, ran a thumb along the planes of his face.

"I wouldn't be here if I regretted it, now would I?" He let the corners of his mouth turn up just so, pressing his lips to yours.

You don't talk to him much nowadays, your interactions reduced to likes on Instagram, views on Snapchat. He's moved to a bigger city. "More opportunities," he said. You keep up with his dream of being a musician, always. There was a time when you were his number one supporter, after all.)

"Will that be all?" the cashier asks, jotting your order on the plastic cup. When you nod, he asks for your name. He jots that down too.

But then his eyes widen and he looks at you with renewed interest. "I'm sorry?"

"Is there a problem?" you asks, peering at your name (spelled correctly) on the cup. His eyes search for an answer within yours, some sort of explanation you can't seem to give. He averts his gaze, shakes his head, places your cup in the queue of orders.

"I'm sorry," he says. "Just thought you were someone I knew. Have a nice day." You parrot the phrase, catching a glimpse of the young man's name tag.

Seunghun, it reads in cheerful yellow. There's a doodle of a puppy in the top right corner. You think it's rather cute.

Two weeks later, you meet Seunghun again. This time, you're out for a morning jog. The crisp autumn air greets you as your feet meet the pavement and let out a satisfactory crunch under the burnt orange leaves on the sidewalk.

You both get stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to change. While you catch your breath, you don't miss the way he flinches, as though he didn't expect you to show up. He schools his expression into something friendly within no time, and you wonder if you imagined the whole thing.

"The weather's nice, isn't it?"

"It is," you pant. "On your way to work?" He raises a hand to tug at the strap of his backpack with a small smile.

"Yeah. You should come by, give us business," he grins. "On mornings like this, I recommend the hazelnut latte." You hum in agreement, not yet recovered enough to converse. "Tell you what, you come and get one when I'm working, I'll make sure it's on the house."

"Really? Maybe I'll swing by." The light changes, and you leave Seunghun behind, waving goodbye as you do.

You come in later that day, ordering a hazelnut latte as promised. Seunghun's manning the register, same as two weeks ago, and when he takes everything down, he smiles. You miss it as you pay, but there's something extra on your cup.

As you take a sip of the (delicious; his coworker Yedam must be some sort of brewing prodigy) latte, you catch a glimpse of the extra writing.

Along the side of the cup is his phone number.

[10:58 PM] seunghun!: more than anything i want to adopt a puppy

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: or rather another one

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: i named this one after an old friend

[Attachment: 1 image]

The picture of Seunghun and his dog brings a smile to your face. You've been spending more time with him recently, whether it be going on coffee runs ("Are you sure you're not just using me for my employee discount?") or complaining about life as a broke college student ("My card got declined trying to buy a bag of chips last night...").

It's nice. Spending time with him is...nice.

It's more than a simple distraction, somebody to hold close on nights your decisions try to haunt you. It’s friendship, something to hold onto when you lose your way in the dense forest of your mind and to cherish when you manage to make it to a clearing and bask in the sunshine.

You've caught a cold recently (probably from that bastard Seo Changbin in your communications class). Seunghun's given you some homemade tea, swearing on its usefulness. It certainly tastes good, the sweet honey chased by tangy lemon. Unfortunately, the tea isn't able to stop the persistent cough you've been plagued with.

Feeling phlegm start to come up, you turn the bathroom lights on, hacking it up and spitting into the sink.

Huh. That's weird.

There's no phlegm.

The only thing in the sink is a single golden petal, coated in saliva.

[simonarmstrcng]

heyo, i’m pepper, and i’m late as usual (who’s surprised?? not me lmao)! i am here to introduce you to my favourite mess, simon who was actually one of my first muses! i’m trying to revive him so atm he’s a bit bare bones but here’s hoping i can get through this intro coherently (unlikely, but i’ll try)

[ MUSE 3 ] ●● is that LUCAS JADE ZUMANN ? no, that’s just SIMON ARMSTRONG , the 16 year old CISMALE who is a HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR. some say they’re NERVOUS AND AWKWARD, but their family and friends will swear they’re INTELLIGENT AND COMPASSIONATE. when i think of them, i think of the smell of books, fingers indented by violin strings, freshly dusted spelling bee trophies, wrinkled noses, ironed socks, ink stained fingers, and notebooks filled with doodles. i wonder if their family know that HE is hiding that HE’S QUESTIONING HIS SEXUALITY. ●● ( pepper && twenty two && est && she/her )

BIO(ISH)

tl;dr he’s a soft anxious overachieving nerd who likes to draw. that’s it, that’s really it idk why i took so long to say that sdkjsdkj

here is an aesthetic moodboard for simon and here and here are a few personality one’s with gifs! also here is his pinterest board 

inspired by: seth cohen, stiles stilinski, amy santiago, hermione granger (and a bit of neville longbottom i’m ngl), spencer reid. 

simon has always been a bit high strung tbh i’m ngl. he was the kid on the playground who was always a bit too mature for the kids around him in the way that he’d be like five and stressing about his potential career paths or the state of global warming yk, always kind of had conversations with grown adults that made them do a double take just because very adult conversation coming out of a tiny kid can be kind of startling. that said, he never really quite fit in with his peers because of that, i feel like he may have even been bullied for it a bit in the past. he was definitely that kid who reminded the teacher about the homework i am not going to lie to you. 

 simon always took academics extremely seriously. he always puts pressure on himself to be perfect and get straight a’s and he is like the definition of a try hard, simon tries hard at freaking everything. his hard work pays off though, he’s been at the top of the honour roll for the past few years and he’s got more spelling bee, science fair, debate, and decathlon trophies decorating his room than he knows what to do with.

(not one for any athletics though,,, physical exercise was never simon’s strong suit)

also plays the violin and the piano, again, more evidence of him being a huge overachiever. he is actually quite talented honestly but he isn’t really incredibly passionate about either instrument. 

simon has asthma, is allergic to bees, has sleep paralysis and pretty bad anxiety. he used to get panic attacks as a child and while he hasn’t quite grown out of it, it’s not nearly as bad now. i feel like he is on medication for it though and he may even go to therapy. 

afraid of abandonment (irrational because i’m pretty sure he’s never been abandoned but it’s there) and he’s also afraid of failure, of being a disappointment to his family, of never living up to his potential (when he was younger he was advanced for his age academically so he has skipped a grade.) he fears that he’s a disappointment to his parents as a son considering he is the farthest thing one can be from a potential fbi agent, and considering he can’t even do a lap without wheezing he doesn’t think he ever will be, but he is trying to aim for forensics instead of anything in the actual field anywhere close to actual danger. kind of insecure despite his success and low, low, low, low low key kind of feels like the kid his dad brought home might be his new replacement as a son. 

one of his closest friends is the school guidance counselor atm. think edge of seventeen. he just goes in there, eats his lunch and talks to her about everything that’s going on with his life like it’s cheap therapy. 

wants to go to harvard and is a big ball of stress over it currently. he’s hit a whole new level of academic intensity and his sexuality crisis is not helping in the slightest, but it is very much happening and he doesn’t know what the hell to do about it thanks for asking. he may be bi or gay or pan or none of the above, he’s not sure and he’s not thinking about it because he doesn’t have time to be questioning his sexuality when college admissions are rearing their ugly head. 

a big introvert. can occasionally be very witty and funny if he’s comfortable you but if he’s not he tends to just be quiet and kind of awkward. tends to enjoy to spend a lot of time alone in his room playing animal crossing, or indulging in a very private hobby, drawing. 

simon has always loved art and comics and drawing but he knows they’re kind of pointless passions, like realistically he doesn’t think he will even actually become a comic book artist the odds are too low. and yet that hasn’t stopped him from doing it. drawing is really one of the only things that really calms his anxiety, and that he really enjoys doing. that and reading. so simon has secretly been drawing a comic. he hasn’t really shared it with anybody and would die if anyone found out about it. here is a moodboard for the comic (he’s going by the pen name orion kace like the nerd he is) and here are some headcannons about it. 

honestly a big sap. like lilo and stitch can still make him tear up even if he won’t admit it dkjdkj. he’s got a soft heart and kind of just wants to make sure everybody’s okay tbh. tends to worry more than he lets on which is saying something because he worries outwardly a lot too.

can be very tempermental/moody and selfish though, especially when stressed. he gets to a very self centered ‘woe is me i’m the only one with problems’ place when he’s stressed out. 

a big ass nerd! i feel that goes without saying but loves comics books, loves star wars, harry potter, and could probably recite the opening scene of game of thrones yk, that kind of nerd. 

has never gone to a party. has never smoked weed. has never snuck out. has never tasted more than a sip of alcohol. honestly, simon hasn’t done anything, and he’s okay with that. 

i think that’s it omg tHAT’S PROBABLY IT. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS ;

best friends - i feel like at least two of these would be fun! a little squad for my lonely boy (2/2) cailin, john

childhood friends - i will give you my left arm for a childhood friends plot. unlikely friends maybe? or just two nerds being dweebs together? friends who are still close as hell friends who had a falling out or just grew apart, idc i love it all please give it to me. cailin

the ex - i feel like simon maybe had ONE relationship in his lifetime if that and relationship might be stretching things. they could have held hands on the playground when they were six or dated in middle school (do you like me check yes or no sdkjsdk) kind of think like it could be that or it could be a high school thing, once again idc give it to me. 

student - someone who simon tutors maybe? simon is probably volunteering to do it to look good on his uni application so Yes free tutoring from your local nerd. skylar, aria, 

crush - like i said simon is questioning his sexuality so if anybody wants to volunteer to be the boy that simon has an inconvenient crush on please be my guest. scout

rival - an academic rival would be !!! so fun, because simon is lowkey quite competitive so this could be a really interesting connection. farrah

mentor - someone who simon looks up to a whole lot. this would likely have to be someone either really cool or really nerdy and this is open to older muses mostly, just older than simon tbh ajax

bad influence - someone who will get this boy to live a little! maybe drag him out to a party, get him a joint, get him drunk, the works! leo, andrew

those are just some ideas but ofc like this if you want to plot and i will come running! okay thank

[allheartnobrainandnoplans]

Warframe personalities from how I see them, by my first glance at them.

Heads up, this is a long post. Enjoy~!

Ash: Aloof mofo with a stabbing habit. could rob you of all your money in texas hold ‘em. Too much damn side eye. Kills everyone is the room, then breaks for coffee like nothing happened. Ninja who steals the last slice of cake from the fridge.

Atlas: would kick your ass then be your best bro. is dead inside? somewhat likely but can’t tell anymore. makes shitty jokes. I get he’s a one punch man stone golem, but c’mon, the guy gives pretty good hugs.

Banshee: Resting bitch face, but is sound sensitive so she has a reason. Most likely up to god knows what hours listening to music enjoying synethesia sensations. Knows a thing or two about where to find the best obscure books. Caring protective friend.

Chroma: Moody guy who just wants some fucking peace and quiet. Hoards things like trophies from kills, bet this guy has so many hunting trophies? ffs, his ult is a dragon pelt, might as well be a dragon! Really good at pissing off people without even trying.

Ember: Sassy friend wants all the tea. Best booty to boot. You see that guy over there? He’s on fire. She fucking murdered him with sick comebacks. Don’t get me wrong though, she might like her bacon crispy but she’s a pretty loyal friend. Probably would come get your ass for a revive with intent to raze the fucking field with wildfire.

Equinox: Calm balanced friend??? Has two sides she shows to different people, everyone who talks to her might find something different about her. Likes keeping a lot of houseplants in her room in the dojo. Courteous and polite and gives the best backhanded compliments under a pleasant facade.

Excalibur: Average Joe. Good at a lot but not the best, really doesn't give his best. Very athletic. rushes through missions impatiently. Might play too many hack’n’slash games in his spare time.

Frost: Stoic, quiet, probably has some thought going on at all times. Reads a lot of mythology from before the orokin era. Procrastinates and stalls for his buddies while holding down the fort. solid person to talk to if you need someone to listen.

Hydroid: The guy has enough mentions about tentacle porn, it’s safe to say he’s hoarding a hentai stash somewhere. or people assume. just a guy who loves the water, could talk for days about fish and where to find all the best seafood restaurants. has had enough people mentioning pirates around him. has a good, hearty laugh.

Inaros: Tired, always fucking tired. Sleep? I’ll sleep when I’m dead. if you can kill me, that is. Mmm. nom. Corpus tastes metallic. Grineer tastes like really bad slimy chicken. I’m not sharing what infested taste like. Shields? What the heck is that? Appreciates old architecture and hoards ayatan statues.

Ivara: Sneaky sneaky~ I got an arrow for just about any job. Just because i am a cyclops doesn’t mean i don’t have depth perception, dumbass. Carefree happy lady, fun to talk to. Makes lots of banter with teammates on missions.

Limbo: Trolls might love this guy, why doesn't he have a fedora helmet yet? I’ve not seen enough Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure to know what those references mean. He’s a real gentleman, very inquisitive. He’s a scientist? Aw, cool. Prolly spacing out while carousing through the rift, thinking about his next project.

Loki: The Cheeseframe is what people call him. Knows where all the loot is, all the time. Giggling and pulling pranks 24/7. Can do shit effortlessly and stares at his team wondering why the fuck the had to trigger the damn alarm in a mission. Also, hammerhead shark. This guys likes playing card games too.

Mag: In a state of calm and panic at the same time. Doesn’t show much though. Magnetic personality? Could crush your heart in a minute. Has a good taste in interior design, rather good at art deco/ industrial. Has some walls to get through before befriending her, but melts like a marshmellow when ya do.

Mesa: 360 no scope!!! It’s high noon! okay, now that’s out of the way, let’s keep going. Keeps an orderly schedule, off doing solo missions all the time. Loves a good movie, could talk about her favorite film for hours. Deserts are dry? So is her humor. Would shoot you without even thinking.

Mirage: You thought Loki’s pranks were bad? At least her enemies get these night mare shows and not you. This chick loves horror films, special effects make up and disco. Pretty good at good at lighting up the room and your smile. She really just wants a good time, okay?

Nekros: Sick mofo who tells dead baby jokes. Has some interesting kinks. Rarely eats, if ever. Would look you dead in the eye and try to tell you bad puns seriously as possible. Has seen the dead walk again, thinks they’re best buddies. good guy to go to a graveyard with.

Nezha: Srsly good looking.. guy? girl? oh idc he can be genderfluid and i’d still think he’s attractive. Got serious hula skills. Never takes himself seriously and just loves going for long missions. Knows a thing or two about culture, rather classy guy but can be a bit childish. Never really grew up, but you don’t notice that behind the charm.

Nidus: This is the I-don’t-give-a damn guy. He wrecks everything he touches, spreads space aids, yet his personality is far from cancer. Very good with animals. A bit messy. Too many damn things talking in his head from the infested and ignores them like a champ. They bend to his will.

Nova: A Good Egg, if slightly cracked. Giggles at the mention of inane words. Everything explodes!!! ADHD in a frame. Good natured wholesome friend who loves everyone. Bad habit of breaking appliances and electronics. Geiger counters near her start playing Imagine Dragon’s Radioactive?

Nyx: Look at this frame. You took a good warframe and gave it anxiety, sheesh. Shy, kinda hard to deal with hearing everyone’s thoughts sometimes. ain’t got time for your drama. Loves talking about current events, but not much of a gossip out of respect for others. giant personal space bubble, do not touch!

Oberon: Royal pain in the ass, but a lovable doofus so you kinda just let it go. Very protective dad friend, complete with dad jokes. Probably would like to finish your sandwich if you’re not gonna eat it. Would open his home to you if you needed a couch to surf on.

Octavia: This girl loves all music, could help you find just the mix you were looking for. Got sick dance moves too. Might have been in band. Would happily binge watch any tv show with you and discuss everything about it. You don’t know what so charming about her, but you really like her so you always accept her invites. Had a bad habit of fidgeting.

Rhino: This guy could bench press a grineer ship in one hand and corpus ship in the other. you don’t move out of his way, he runs you over, simple as that. gym rat, for sure. somewhat impatient. watches way too many superhero blockbusters and devours the comics. Mows down the entire enemy wave just get your sorry bleeding ass back up and fighting again.

Saryn: Oh, good lotus, this chick has got good looks and a deadly touch. Cunning girl could outsmart anyone. Low key annoyed in general. Would back stab you without a thought, given a reason. Knows a lot about cooking. I mean, if you’re going to poison someone or at least know how to work in the biolab you should probably know how this type of chemistry works. dodges responsibility a lot tho.

Titania: flighty as fuck, gets startled easily. graceful; she has good fashion sense. you have no idea where she came from in the room. fairy tales are definitely her thing, but happy endings really aren't true with that state of things right now in the solar system. too many butterflies, but is fine with it since they help her stay calm. Actually really good at flying archwings, I think?

Trinity: First one to rush into the fight, last one to leave until everyone is okay. Is the Mom friend. Likes to be helpful. Rather much a bitch to those she hates. She may have an open heart, but don’t walk all over this girl. Cross her once, shame on you. Cross her twice, she leaves you for dead on eris, end of story.

Valkyr: Look, she’s been through some shit, has ptsd, the very least you can do is give her a cat plushie and your support, okay? Gets angry easily and has meltdowns. She’s not a pushover. She knows what’s best, she can endure. semi serious, jokes fly over her head. it may take a bit for her to like you. literally a cat frame, you don’t know love until you've been loved by a cat.

Vauban: Forget Limbo being a troll. This is THE trollframe. Went to college for engineering, came back out a smart ass. Don’t loan money to him, he prolly won’t pay ya back. Pretty good drinking buddy tho. Reads a shit ton of shakespear to know what that sense of humor really is. Shit poster, meme hoarder extrordinaire. you can have a grenade! And you can have a grenade! YOU ALL CAN HAVE GRENADES!

Volt: Impeccable taste mixed with sharp commentary. Why does he have a helmet that’s a boob? maybe he has a high schooler’s sense of humor? would be honest with you and tell you straight up what needs to be done. This guy likes expensive suits. Has a tendency to be impulsive.

Wukong: Has loads of stories to tell. Good memory. Can comeback from just about any setback. determined and will happily grind with you in missions for hours. Also pretty damn stubborn and doesn’t listen well to others, kinda has to speak first.

Zephyr: Life’s a breeze here, right? Kinda goes with whatever and has a hard time deciding on things. Kinda clumsy too. Crashes raids and blows away the enemy. Usually minds her own business with her head in the clouds.

[skiasurveys]

sex sex sex sex.

1. What’s your favorite position and why? i like doggy style a lot because i dont know it just feels really great and its pretty dominating..but i also like missionary but its boring but i like it when i want to feel “romantic”. lmao.

2. How did you lose your virginity? If you’re still a virgin, is there any specific reason?  I lost my virginity at 19. Basically I was preparing to bang my boyfriend ( my current one!) but I was super nervous ( I already had some trauma from the past). I was scared and stuff and so we tried and I was like Idk man im scared. Then later that night we just started to kiss and make out and he asked if I wanted to try again and I said sure so I got naked blah blah, I was sitting on him kissing hm and then bam he fucked me but it felt really awesome and nice, didn’t hurt because he was slow at it and then he fucked me from behind after i got used to it lol. Great times. That was like a year ago!

3. If you could have sex with any porn star or model, who would it be?  i dont know any porn stars and im not attracted to any models either.

4. What’s one thing in particular that makes you want to tear off your lover’s clothes? Sometimes if he looks at me a certain way or if were doing something . Or if he starts touching my thighs and/or kissing my neck 

5. Five turn ons. 1. Strong looking/masculine 2.Taller than me but no taller than 6′3 3. kissing my neck. 4. man handeling me (without being too aggressive).5. showing me off ( Not like “OH LOOK WHAT I HAVE” but being proud you have me. 6. Five turn offs. 1. Being an asshole. 2.Acting like you don’t care about me when youre around others. 3.Racist/sexist/etc 4.Creepy. 5.Hating my friends

7. Have you had any embarrassing sexual experiences?   its so embarrassing.. so I had just finished my period ( OR so i thought) and we started to fuck and it was going well.. after we finished he was like “Um i think you still have your period.” and Im like “what?” and yeah there was blood on his dick and I legit ran and cried in the bathroom like a little bitch LOL. He came after me and said it was fine and that hes done more awkward shit but DUDE...

8. Do you have a fetish? not really. I like calling my boyfriend daddy in the bedroom but i dont like the ddlg fetish at all. 

9. Have you experimented with anyone of the same sex?  no 10. What’s “out of bounds” for you during sex?  Choking, or tying me up, or like bondage stuff. I just have a severe panic attack if that happens and I dont like it and I had trauma so its actually triggering.

11. What’s the best sexual unsolicited advice you can give?  Just dont fuck them if youre not ready. 

12. Hickies - get ‘em or give ‘em? both

13. Do you like giving head? im that weird girl who actually enjoys sucking cock

14. Do you like getting head? yes 

15. What’s one thing you look for in a partner?  loyalty and companionship. 

16. How many partners have you had?  1 and im still with him :)

17. What’s your sexual orientation? Straight

18. If you’re bi/pansexual, what gender do you tend to prefer? n/a

19. Describe the best sex you’ve ever had.  Theres a few. It usually is when he goes hardcore with teasing me and kissing me. One time he was kissing me and teasing me. He ate me out for a bit which was amazing, and the he kissed me from my tummy to my lips, and he fucked me hard but slow and said I love you which was awesome. But i also had one where He was teasing me and doing lots of foreplay and he told me he owned me and that he wanted all of me and then he fucked me so good. especially when he cums inside me. MMMMM.

20. Describe the worst sex you’ve ever had. It wasnt bad but I just have depression and sometimes it hits me when were fucking and  i lost my sex drive and just didnt care and it didnt last that long but i lied i orgasmed so he could finish because i wasnt feeling it lol

21. Have you ever had a funny sexual experience? What was it? i dont know. Im sure. 22. Are you okay with rough sex?  Yess just not too rough ok!

23. How big was the biggest dick you’ve ever seen? Was it in a porn or in real life? well i mean guys in porn always have huge dicks but my boyfriend is the only one Ive had and he is pretty big.

24. Boobs or ass - which is better? ass. 25. Do you prefer sex or masturbation? sex i hate masturbating.

26. Describe how you usually masturbate. ill leave that for your imagination. 

27. Do you like tattoos on a partner or do you like them to have a clean slate, skin wise?  i dont care. either or.

28. How do you feel about daddy dom/little girl roleplaying? some people go a little too far with it. Like for example actually acting like they are 4 years old in public. You can leave it to the bedroom, please.

29. What’s your fantasy?  pay off my student loans.

30. Do you have any sexual regrets? no

31. When did you last have sex? april 1st before Connor moved! He will be back in the end of May or start of June so it will be a while before we have sex again :(

32. When did you last masturbate? last night

33. Have you had anal? yeah. Its ‘ight. 

34. Do you like to spank/be spanked?  i like to be spanked.

35. What do you want done to you right now?  well since  I havent seen my boyfriend in like a month i would love it for him to just push me against a wall. mmm.

36. Are you comfortable with getting tied up? no

37. Did you have sex in high school? nope. No one really liked me back then. I had like 2 boyfriends then and it was shitty then. I met Connor the fall after i graduated. Hilarious.

38. How old were you when you lost your virginity? How long has it been? 19 years old and its been a year now.

39. Do you like teasing or would you rather get straight to the point? teasing.

40. Sexting or phone sex?  ive done both. sexting is fun but phone sex can be pretty hot. I just dont like phone sex..i rather sext tbh

41. Have you had sex in any interesting places? One time we were hanging at our friends place and everyone had gone to bed and Connor was cuddling me on their couch and he said , “ I bet its just bothering you that you cant touch me” and im like whatever idc and then hes like “lets lowkey fuck” so we fucked on their couch while they were sleeping! It was pretty fun but nervous cus if someone walked out. oh god..and then we fucked behind a couch like 3 times while there was a party going on. cool.

42. Are you sexually active?  i guess so. since he moved its hard to say but its only for short time.

43. Have you had car sex? no our car is too small for that. but i want to.

44. Have you ever had sex with anyone else in the location you were at? (i.e., while your sister was in the other room) yes..see above

45. Why aren’t you fucking anyone right now? well the only person i would fuck is in a nother city obvs so thats why.

46. Are you able to have emotionless sex? not rly

47. Does penis size really matter? yes

48. What has been your most memorable experience sexually? theres a lot

49. If male, are you well endowed? n/a

50. If female, what’s your breast size?  34 B cup.

51. Have you ever been the other person? no

52. Have you ever cheated on anyone?  no!

53. Describe an orgasm.  i just felt really weird and shakey but it felt so good.

54. What’s the longest time you’ve had sex for? I dont really keep count.

55. What’s the shortest time you’ve had sex for?  like 5 minutes. -___-

56. If you could change the person you lost your virginity to, would you?  no

57. Have you had any pregnancy scares? Yeah kinda. my one period didnt come once and i was so scared. I bought like 3  sticks.

58. Are you comfortable naked?  kinda. Ive been with Connor for a year now and I still feel awkward naked. lol

59. Are you comfortable sending pictures of yourself to others? depends.

60. What’s your sexual comfort zone like?just dont do rape play.

61. What’s something sexual that you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up liking?  i cant think of anything

62. Do you have any piercings in fun places? (i.e., clit, nipples, dick) no

63. Would you say you’re good in bed?  i think so.

64. How do you get sex tips? internet or i ask him how he wants me to do something. like i ask him if he likes what im doing and he will tell me how he wants it.

65. Have you ever had sex with anyone while they were on their period? Have you ever had sex while on your period?  no except that one time when i thought i was fkn done but i wasnt. kill myself.

66. If you could be the other sex for a day, would you and what would you do first? idk.

67. What’s your favorite part about being the gender you are? I dont know really. I can buy cute drinks without looking dumb?

68. Slow but passionate, or fast, furious, and kinky? slow but passionate. But also depends on the mood or whatever because sometimes i want rough, sometimes i don’t.

69. Have you ever 69’d? Did you enjoy it?  yes but it feels too good to suck him while hes eating me out.

70. Have you ever done drugs and then had sex?  weed

71. Have you ever had sex with someone you’re in love with? yes

72. How are you with BDSM? Would you ever engage in it?  nope.

73. Do you like gagging on cock/having someone gag on your cock? Why?  i love gagging on his cock.

74. When it comes to oral, are you gentle? Do you use your hands too? gentle. i dont want to hurt him but if i do go hard kinda. and yeah i used my hands.

75. Okay, how do you feel about handjobs?  sometimes i do hand jobs but its only when im making him hard. Lol.

76. Have you had any unwanted pain during sex? yeah.

77. What is something that’s not sexual that can turn you on more than anything sexual?  arms? 78. Can your sexual partners be categorized by their zodiac signs? no

79. Have you had sex to music? What’s your favorite sex song? we fucked to Wish you were here by Pink Floyd.

80. What’s something you want to try in bed?  i dont know.

81. Has anyone drew blood from you during sex, whether it was by cutting, biting, or scratching? How did you feel about that? no. if there was blood from biting/scratching/etc i would feel awful.

82. Have you ever fucked someone who was sad? Did it help them emotionally or make it worse? I have fucked him when he was sad and it helped and same for me sometimes it makes me feel way better.

83. Do you like sexual anons? no

84. What’s your ideal round of sex?  i dont know.

85. Do you like the use of whipped cream, handcuffs, chocolate, and cherries?  nope.

86. Have you ever been walked in on or caught?  almost got caught.

87. Have you ever had sex in public? Would you? yes and i would.

88. What’s a good sex joke?  i dont know. 89. Do you like to be called a dirty slut or would you rather be treated like royalty?  i love it when he calls me a slut but theres a time and place during sex when i want to be slutty and then loved LMAO.

90. Are you more submissive or dominant? sub 91. What’s your naughtiest secret? i almost fucked a 33 year old when i was 18.

92. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve encountered sexually?  i cant think of anyting

93. Have you ever “stuck your dick in crazy”? Was there a lesson learned?

94. Do you like playing with balls/having someone play with yours? i like playing with them because he loves it. 

95. What’s the best nonsexual feeling?  feeling safe and loved by them.

96. Do you like feet? ew 97. Do you look at rule 34/hentai? ew....

98. Pick a random question off this survey for yourself. N/A 99. Who’s your ideal sexual partner? MY BOYFRIEND.

100. Do you have a partner right now? Would you like one? have my boyfriend :) 101. Are you accepting “applications” for a partner?  um no