#on the other hand i would be interested in hearing other people's opinions on the gender thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

holllandtrash · 7 months

Text

now that we don't talk | charles leclerc

pairing: charles leclerc x reader part 2 to say don't go

so i pay the price of what i lost and what it cost now that we don't talk

word count: 5.6k tags/warnings: slight angst, mentions of being disloyal, this is sad, pato o'ward makes a guest appearance had to rewind a bit because because this is charles' pov during and after the relationship - i promise we'll find the ending eventually

Charles was late to the welcome party in Vegas and maybe that was a blessing in disguise.

He showed up a little after 11pm as he really wasn’t in any sort of rush to make an appearance. This week was going to be a long one already and with the obligations piling on top of each other, he tried to spend the minimum amount of time doing what was required of him.

So on that Wednesday evening, he showed up over three hours after the recommended time of 8pm. Alexandra was with him, Alex as she preferred to be called. The coordinated outfits were her idea and Charles didn’t mind it, but it wasn’t an outfit he would have chosen himself.

But they showed up, hand in hand and Charles found a few members of his team - or rather, Mark found him.

“Did you know Damon Hill and his family are here?” Mark didn’t even start with a greeting. He did smile at Alex, out of politeness, but his interest lied with Charles knowing that the Monegasque driver hadn’t spoken to you in a few months.

“The whole family?” Charles asked with a breath, feeling the tense glance from his girlfriend.

Mark nodded, “Yeah. Yeah they’re all around here somewhere.”

Here being the very large venue dedicated to tonight, to the inaugural Las Vegas Grand Prix. Members from each team, the drivers, invited guests and sponsors, everyone was here tonight.

And apparently, so were you.

Mark was not the only person to mention to Charles that you were there, in fact Mark was the first of about eight people who felt the need to tell Charles that the girl he once spoke to was somewhere around.

Of course, no one could tell Charles exactly where you were, but it didn’t surprise him to hear you were leaving good impressions on everyone you had spoken to. You, someone who could part the red sea with ease, took a more delicate approach tonight.

You were fully aware Charles was going to be there, but he was of no concern to you. You were polite to absolutely everyone you spoke to and if by chance someone mentioned that, ‘oh, Charles will be here eventually’ you simply smiled and nodded because you weren’t about to make any more waves in the motorsport industry. You preferred your name stayed out of the tabloids and what good would it be going around telling people how Charles broke your heart?

There was speculation, of course. People knew you spent time together. Those online shared their opinions, right or wrong, thinking they could put the pieces together just based on the fact that he was seen in Paris with you one day and then in Monaco with Alex the next.

It didn’t help that you left England soon after, making only one more appearance in Formula 1 when you went to Spain.

Charles still thought about that conversation, how calm you were throughout, not allowing him to take any piece of your dignity despite what he did, how he made you feel.

Charles thought he was better off this way, with Alex.

You were certainly better off.

He didn’t like admitting it, in fact he probably never would, but he kept up to date with you, with your life. He saw on Instagram when you dyed your hair and then dyed it again and then chopped it to your shoulders. He saw when you spent time with the F1 Academy drivers, when you attended Nascar races, when you started spending more and more time with the Arrow McLaren team.

You had told him that you wanted to watch a few races, check out a few teams before deciding whether or not you wanted to pursue a career in the motorsports field.

And you had done just that. From the outside looking in, Charles couldn’t help but think that this was you just trying on different lives. Indecisive, certainly. But you looked happy, so who was he to have a say?

It shouldn’t have come as a shock when the news dropped of you being brought on as a Performance Engineer for the US based papaya team starting in 2024. The photo that accompanied the headline was you sitting at the pit wall in Portland, already with the orange headset on as you watched the race.

Charles was in Italy when he read the article. Just over three months after your relationship ended...but who's counting?

He had finished fourth that Sunday, not his worst race but his best one either. He was just on his way to his car, wanting to head to the airport when he came across the news on Instagram.

He wanted to congratulate you. He wanted to call you and tell you he was excited for this move, for this career you landed on. He wanted to joke that he could have gotten you a job at Ferrari if you had just asked.

But you didn’t talk anymore so he couldn’t say anything. This was the cost of losing you. Charles couldn’t stay your friend, not after what he did, and in return, you were out of his life.

It wasn't that he was looking for you that night in Vegas but he wasn't not looking for you. It was quite a large crowd that even he had trouble navigating his way around. Alex walked behind him, following Charles at a close distance.

And truthfully, Charles tried not to compare you and Alex, but something about knowing you were in the vicinity had him thinking of what would be different if you had accompanied him tonight.

You wouldn’t reach for his hand, but you would have lightly grabbed the back of his shirt if the crowd started getting a little suffocating. Just a slight tug on the material and Charles would turn around and assure you with a smile that he wasn’t going anywhere.

The first time you did that, you were in Monaco. Those weeks he flew you out to spend time with him after only meeting once in the Ferrari garage.

After leaving a nightclub, the crowd got a little rowdy- they all wanted a piece of him. You stood behind him as he walked to the car that was waiting but when people started moving closer you felt as though you were suffocating. Heart racing as anxiety crept up, a new feeling because you didn’t think you were claustrophobic but you had also never been in this situation before.

You reached for the back of Charles’ shirt, hand brushing over the thin material before taking it between your forefinger and thumb. It was helpful for you, knowing that you could still touch him, feel him. It grounded you. A little bit of comfort amidst the chaos.

Charles turned when he felt the faint tug. He recognized the wide eyes, the fear that you tried to play off because this was normal for him. But it wasn’t normal for you so he raised his hand, sliding his fingers into yours to give you that gentle squeeze before finally making it to the car.

The anxiety faded the second Charles closed the door for you. He walked around to the drivers side and slid in, hand automatically finding your leg.

He didn’t ask about it, the sudden panic. He knew you had been around large crowds a handful of times before. You weren’t in the public eye per say, but your father was and growing up you became used to it.

But this was just different. Charles recognised it, and he knew moving forward he’d have to be mindful of it, of you, of how you were feeling.

He wondered how you were doing tonight in Vegas, if there was someone else's shirt you were clinging onto this time. Or maybe that was something you saved just for Charles. He couldn’t ask, though. He wouldn’t know the answer to how you were feeling because you didn’t talk anymore.

He also had absolutely no idea where you were.

Maybe you had left by now. It was getting late. If you showed up on time, which you probably did, you’d have been ready to call it a night thirty minutes ago. You’d have gone back to your hotel room and scrubbed your makeup off, changing into one of those matching jumper and sweats sets you always had.

You craved comfort over anything else.

Charles remembered Paris. The first night. Not the night where everything fell apart right in front of him all because he couldn’t say those three little words back to you.

No, the first night was good. It was great, magical even. Charles had taken you out to dinner. The skin tight black dress you wore, the one with the low cut neckline - Charles still thought about it. He’d love to know if you still had it, if you wore it for anyone else but those were questions he kept to himself.

He remembered at the end of the evening you were at your second wine bar, having come across this one completely by accident on your way back to your place. Charles remembered pulling you inside, suggesting that one more glass wouldn’t hurt anyone and you hesitated because it was getting late, but nevertheless, you followed.

One glass turned into splitting an entire bottle at one of the high tables in the very back. This place was old-school chic with the decor and the 80’s records playing on low volume. It was nothing like the modern and elegant bar you had just spent the last hour in. No, this place was intimate, cozy and surprisingly you didn’t want to leave, even as the night went on.

And that surprised Charles because you had joked at the beginning of the night that you wanted to be in bed by at least eleven. It was half 12 now and you showed no signs of trying to get back to your flat.

“So do you or do you not like staying out late?” Charles asked, trying to get the proper read. His hand was resting on your leg, fingers daringly close to the hem of your dress. You were both way too overdressed for this establishment but no one seemed to mind. No one paid you two any attention.

You smiled and glanced around, wanting to bring light to the fact that no one had approached you since you stepped inside, but you didn’t want to jinx it.

“After a certain hour I like to be comfortable,” you answered. “There’s nothing comforting about a stuffy bar and loud music and people in your space who think they know you but they really don’t. And I like going out, I do, but I don’t like staying out longer than I need to.”

Charles nodded, understanding the point you were getting at. This wine bar was a hole in the wall, a hidden gem that provided you the comfort you desired. While you weren’t entirely alone, it certainly felt like it. You could laugh freely without worrying about being too loud or embarrassing. You could sit as close as you wanted to Charles without being cautious of who was nearby. It was just you and him.

And you could have gone back home, but home would always be there. This moment, this bar, this was just as comforting and in the back of both of your minds, you knew it wouldn’t come again.

You were right.

Charles would have rather been back in that corner of the wine bar with you now, back in Paris without the impending end of your relationship weighing over his shoulders.

He wished he could relive that night over and over because for a moment, he thought that maybe, possibly, he could love you.

Charles blamed it on the wine. The way the dim light hit your delicate features was only accentuated because he was drunk. Your laughter was soothing, heartwarming even, but he reminded himself he had heard it hundreds of times before. You looked at him that night, a naive glow to you and it terrified Charles.

He pushed that four letter word aside. He couldn’t love you. He couldn’t love anyone, he couldn’t have that commitment, not with his lifestyle- his career. If he loved you, you’d become a distraction. You’d want more from him and he couldn’t do that, he couldn’t give you more.

So when you told him you loved him only a few days later, he ran.

He ran back to Alex because she would never tell him she loved him. She wouldn’t put that on his shoulders, she wouldn’t carelessly hand over her heart that way you had. Because that’s what you did. You gave Charles everything, all of you and he didn’t know what to do with it. He wasn’t ready to give you everything in return.

He was left with a tainted memory of Paris.

So yes, he tried to think of that first night more than any other one. At least that memory was pure, wholesome.

It wouldn’t have surprised him to find out you left this Vegas party already. Probably found the quietest bar on the outskirts of the strip. Or you might have even gone back to the hotel because what comfort could a bar bring you?

Did you still think about that night in Paris too? Or had you tried to completely forget about your time together there? Again, Charles couldn’t just ask you that. You didn’t talk.

But there were people here that you did talk to.

Charles spotted Pato O’Ward, the well adored driver in the IndyCar series. You may not have been hired as a performance engineer for his car, but you were going to be a crucial part of the Arrow McLaren team. Plus you had spent a handful of races with them already, sometimes in his pit lane box.

They had met before, briefly but it was a long enough interaction that Charles didn’t feel uncomfortable approaching the Mexican driver.

They chatted about the race happening this weekend, about Pato’s upcoming practice session he’ll be participating in in Abu Dhabi. Charles was friendly, he knew how to carry a conversation.

He also knew how to find out the information he couldn’t get first hand from you. Of course, waiting until Alex walked off to get another drink.

“I heard about Y/N joining the team,” Charles casually mentioned. “That’s exciting, she’ll be a good addition.”

“Oh for sure,” Pato nodded in agreement. He glanced around, as if trying to find you but he didn’t spend too long looking. “She’s a genius. We’re happy to have her. I’m surprised that she didn’t find a job in Formula 1, though. With her father and all and-”

Pato cut himself off, unsure if this was a line he wanted to cross.

But Charles chuckled, making light of the history he had with the new Arrow McLaren employee. The more at ease Pato felt, the more likely he’d be willing to talk about you.

“Honestly I could have gotten her a job at Ferrari if she showed interest,” Charles told him. He wasn’t sure if that was true or not, but Pato wasn’t going to talk if Charles was quick to shut down the topic of you. So he continued, “But she always talked about IndyCar. She only ever spent time at Formula 1 because of the history, because of her dad but her interests lied with your series. I think it’s because she grew up with Formula 1, you know, there was no more fascination. IndyCar is almost like a challenge for her…she did always like to challenge herself. I hope this career is good for her- I think it will be, I think it’s what she needs. I mean, I guess I don't really know what she needs but I hope she finds it at Arrow McLaren.”

Where the fuck did that come from?

Even Pato was a little taken aback. He didn’t show it on his face, but he certainly hadn’t expected Charles to say any of those words about you. There was a longing in Charles’ tone. He wasn’t just speaking highly of you, he was pulling from his heaviest memories, his cherished moments. He wasn’t just telling Pato everything that Pato probably already knew. Charles was reminding himself of the person you were, the person you still are.

The person he didn’t know anymore.

Charles cleared his throat, “Do you talk to her? Or not so much in the off season?”

Pato moved on along with Charles, as best as he could, offering him a faint shrug, “I chatted with her earlier tonight. She’s in the middle of a move, actually.”

“To the states?” Charles asked.

“Bristol, I think,” Pato racked his memory but was confident with his answer. “She lived in Paris for a bit but is going to spend the next few months in Bristol before heading to the states at the end of February.”

Bristol did not come as a surprise to Charles.

“If you could move anywhere, where would you go?” You had once asked him. Although, your timing was poor as you were both currently lounging on the front of his yacht in the French Riviera. Why would he want to move anywhere else when everything he needed, for the most part, was right here?

“I don’t want to move,” Charles gave you the answer you had expected. He turned his head to face you, arm resting on the back of the chair. He had sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose but he took them off his face and handed them to you when he realised you were squinting as you looked at him.

“I’d move to Bristol,” you told him, unprompted. His sunglasses were a little big for your face, but the gesture was sweet.

“Bristol,” he repeated. “Why Bristol?”

“It’s beautiful,” you said. “Rich in history and culture. I’d live on the seaside. I’d spend my days in the market. There’s still a bit of a nightlife if I feel like going out. But It’s serene there. I’d be happy there.”

Charles sat up a bit, “Monaco has all that. Why don’t you just move here?”

You laughed. As if moving to Monaco was that easy.

Regardless, Monaco was missing something you cherished.

“I enjoy the cold weather, Charles.” You said as if this wasn’t something he already knew. “Bristol’s like the perfect place. It doesn’t snow often but it still drops in temperature during the winter and if I wanted a white Christmas I could just drive a few hours inland. I can’t thrive in 365 days of heat. Sometimes I just want to make a cup of tea and curl up on the couch with a blanket.”

Charles admired a lot of things about you, but near the top of that list was how much you appreciated the little things in your life. You were raised in wealth, with a name that everyone was familiar with, but you were simple. You worked hard for what you wanted and you cherished what you had. You never asked for anything more and you were always content, never one to complain. You were probably the most down to earth person he’d ever met.

So no, it wasn’t shocking to hear that you had moved out of your flat in Paris to spend a few months in Bristol. To get that British winter one more time before moving for your career.

“I’m sure she’s around here somewhere if you-” Pato stopped mid sentence, his eyes landing on something, someone, behind Charles.

Naturally, Charles turned over his shoulder to look.

There you were.

Part of your hair was pinned back with a pearl hair clip. You opted out of a dress, going for a matching skirt and cropped blazer instead, pairing it with a pair of heels only a shade darker. You were chatting with someone that Charles didn’t recognise, a champagne glass held delicately between your fingers. You were so into your conversation that you had no idea that you had gained the attention of not just one driver, but two.

Charles wasn’t the only one who was dying to spend some time with you tonight.

He turned back at Pato and Charles would be lying to himself if he said his blood didn’t boil over at the way Pato was looking at you. He was envious in this moment. He knew you were larger than life, but you were such a well kept secret, his secret, and you were the farthest thing from that now.

Pato muttered something about catching up with Charles later and all Charles could do was watch as the IndyCar driver made his way over to you. You greeted him with a warm smile. His hand found your lower back with ease, like he had placed it there before. You handed him the champagne glass in your hand and Pato took a sip, holding it onto it, like that was normal. Like you shared drinks with him before.

And Charles knew he didn’t have any sort of right to care, to question, to even wonder what you were doing now but god it pained him to think that you were possibly, probably, sleeping with Pato O’Ward.

When did that start? Before you signed your contract or after? Did that matter? No of course it didn’t matter. None of it mattered because Charles was with Alex. He made that choice, he let you go. He foolishly, stupidly, regrettably, let you go and now he had to watch from the sidelines as you lived your life without him. You found the career you wanted, not in Formula 1.

If you were with Pato, there was no doubt in Charles’ mind that Pato treated you better than he did. He was a stand up guy, he was charming, he leaned in and whispered something in your ear that had you blushing in seconds.

How Charles was feeling wasn’t fair and he knew it. He knew he was in the wrong. He knew he couldn’t be jealous seeing you with someone else. You had moved on, you had every right to move on.

He knew that it shouldn’t have taken seeing you with Pato to realise he had made a mistake. This was a conclusion he should have come to a while ago, honestly he should have never even let you go in the first place. And maybe he did know it and just didn’t want to admit it until it was screaming at him, a brutal hit to the face over and over until he just couldn’t ignore the bruises anymore.

He shouldn’t have let you go.

But he did and this was the price he had to pay. He watched from the outside, watched you change and grow through the stories he overheard and pictures you shared. He was a mere crumb in your life now compared to when you handed him your heart on a silver platter.

Charles regretted everything. He regretted that he left you waiting for him to say ‘I love you’ and at the very least, hoping he would say ‘don’t go’ and instead gave you nothing. Now he couldn’t say any of those words. Now you didn’t talk.

He left the party early. Alex didn’t say anything on the ride back to the hotel. Neither did he. What was there left to say anyway?

But the silence from her left less of a hole than the silence he got from you.

He sat in the hotel bar while Alex packed up her suitcase and asked the front desk for a new room. She wasn’t going to leave. Not yet, at least. Just give Charles the space he needed and honestly, Charles knew she was waiting for him to return to her once he came to his senses, like he did last time.

Because Alex gave him what he wanted. Comfort, but she didn’t ask for it in return. Adoration, but didn’t expect the love to be reciprocated. She played the part of the girlfriend and she played it well, accompanying Charles wherever, whenever. Alex thought that if she played the long game, Charles would love her. Charles would see a future with her.

You, though, you didn’t have time to wait. You weren’t going to sit ideally and beg for him to love you back. You weren’t going to tell him that you’d wait for him, that you’d be there if things with Alex didn’t work out.

You moved on.

Charles tried to accept that, really. He tried to just focus on the last two races and not about what you were doing. If Bristol was everything you dreamt it was. If Pato and you were together. He tried not to think about anything that revolved around you.

He thought he could at least make it to the New Year, and maybe he would have. He might have reconnected with Alex on the 31st if he successfully went the entire month of December without his mind trailing back to you.

But the second his friend who resided in London called him up and asked if he wanted to attend a fashion show he was part of...well, it was embarrassing how fast Charles agreed to go. Because London was certainly closer to Bristol than Monaco was. And if he was in London, it was hard to find a reason why he shouldn’t just…go to Bristol.

Actually it was very easy to find dozens of reasons. Charles simply ignored all of them.

He didn’t think this plan through at all, which was why he stood outside your door for nearly five minutes before knocking. What was he going to say?

For starters, he was really hoping you wouldn’t ask how he knew where you lived. Charles didn’t feel like explaining the hoops he had to jump through that may or may not have involved Joris at one point pretending to be your brother and calling your place of employment.

It was fucked up. Charles could admit that. But if he could admit that, he could admit it wasn’t the only fucked up thing he did. Letting you walk away from him was at the top of that list.

When you opened the door, you weren’t upset to see him, but you weren’t happy either. Charles carried that vibe the entire time he was inside, starting from when you reluctantly let him in to the way you handed him his cup of tea without so much as a word.

“How’s Alexandra?” You asked him. Charles could tell you were only trying to be polite.

“Do you care?” He asked in return.

No hesitation from you as you shook your head, “I do not.”

He always admired your honesty. He was still scared shitless at the way you could quite literally kill someone with kindness, but he also respected it. You were the only person he knew who’s gentle smile had the ability to send someone cowering. It was a skill, truly.

“So let’s not talk about her,” he suggested and you nodded, but you also weren’t about to let the conversation carry on if it was pointless.

“Charles if you don’t tell me why you’re here…”

He had an entire drive to figure out how he wanted to word this. He had a whole plane ride to put together the perfect sentence, the perfect mix of apologies and admittance and instead his mind was blank. He didn’t know the words to say to you, not after going so long without saying anything.

But he lifted his head and met your eyes. He thought about reaching for your hand only to decide against it because your hand wasn’t his to hold anymore.

“I shouldn’t have let you go,” he said, voice low, breaking almost. He shook his head, repeating it. “I made a mistake, I shouldn’t have let you go. I don’t want to be someone who’s not in your life. I don’t want to be someone who means nothing to you anymore. I-”

I love you, he wanted to say.

Because he did.

At least, he thought he did. At one point, he knew he could. If he could then, he could now, right? He could still love you. If you took him back, if you found a way to still love him, Charles wanted to love you back in the same way.

Or maybe he just didn’t want you to love anyone else.

“Charles you don’t know how to love anyone,” you knew exactly what he was going to say. And at one point, you wanted to hear it. Now, though? This was the one time you were hoping he didn’t say it.

“That’s not true.”

“It is,” you stated, like you knew him better than he knew himself. Maybe you did. “You don’t want to love someone, you just want to be loved.”

“I want to be in love with you.”

“That’s not the same and you know it,” your words could have cut through him like glass if your tone wasn’t so soft.

Charles shifted uncomfortably. This conversation hadn’t gone as planned, but what was he truly expecting? You’d take him back? You were better off without him. Anyone could see that.

“Listen, I had to get over you and you weren’t even mine, Charles. Do you know how twisted that is? The only person to blame for my broken heart was myself because I knew, all along, you weren’t mine. I knew it and I went along anyway and I’m not doing that again. I will not love you again. I don’t need another wave of self destruction and false hope and unrequited love. I am happy, okay? I didn’t need you to come here with some sort of declaration that you can’t even say with your chest. I don’t- I don’t need that. I don’t need you.”

He still tried, still attempted to win you back with the what if’s but you saw through it. You cut him off before he could finish his question. What if I do need you?

You shook your head, staying firm with your decision. “It’s over now, Charles. It was over then and it’s over now.”

Charles believed that. He repeated your words the entire way home. He could never give you the closure you needed so you gave it to yourself and you seemed adamant that your past with Charles was going to stay there, in the past.

He didn’t get back together with Alex. He couldn’t. He ended things the second he returned to Monaco. She asked if you were the reason and Charles didn’t really have an answer. You weren’t dating, but you were still there. In the back of his mind, in his dreams, everywhere he looked he saw you.

He didn’t think he’d actually see you again. He knew you were moving in the New Year. That you had officially gone on with your life.

So imagine his surprise when you showed up at his door on New Years Eve.

Smudged mascara under your eyes, an unopened bottle of wine in your hands and a dress that left very little to the imagination. Charles had hundreds of questions, for you, for himself, like was he just imagining this?

And then you stepped past him, sliding your heels off and immediately going to his cupboard to pull out two empty wine glasses. It was a screw top, the bottle in your hands, Charles wondered where you got it but he didn’t ask. He just let you pour a very healthy amount into each of the glasses. He didn’t say anything when you handed one to him, you both just took a sip in peace.

Charles wasn’t sure where he found his voice, but he somehow managed to. And he said the stupidest fucking thing ever.

“I thought we were over.”

“We are,” you stated, taking another sip. You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror behind him and you tried to wipe your undereyes but the dry pads of your fingers did little to help.

Charles stepped into the bathroom to grab one of those white hand towels that he hung on the rack. He ran it under some warm water before making his way back to you. He was hesitant to step close, but you didn’t flinch away.

So he raised his hand to your cheek, holding you still as he wiped away the stains of mascara, the remains of whatever you were crying over. His touch was gentle. You could feel his breath hit your face and you couldn’t help but glance at his lips. You hadn’t been this close since Paris.

“Thank you,” you whispered when he dropped the cloth to the sink.

Charles didn’t back up after. He stayed with his hand on the side of your face, even sliding his fingers against your scalp to get tangled in your hair. Something he knew you loved. You hummed at the feeling, how normal this seemed, like you weren’t the one to end things that last time around.

Unlike last time, Charles was the one to ask, “Why are you here, Y/N?”

You shook your head, wishing he could just accept this for what it was. You didn’t want to have a conversation.

So you reached for the front of his shirt, dragging your hand up to the collar as you brought your lips closer to his. The little twitch in the corner of your mouth, that faint smirk, it ruined Charles. His hand found your waist, he was only human.

“Please, Charles,” you breathed out. Not a beg, a request if anything. “Now is not the time to talk.”

#charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc one shot #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc x y/n #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you #f1 one shot #f1 fic #holllandtrash #say dont go #cl16 x reader #cl16

1K notes · View notes

iamasimperyk · 4 months

Text

Professor's Pet

Warnings: Smut, Cursing, Taboo topic, English is not my first language

Summary: You have a crush on your professor

Pairing: Professor!Rafe x Student!Reader

You knew it was wrong, however, you couldn't help but fall for your professor.

Rafe Cameron. The hot professor every girl on campus had a crush on. You promised yourself you would not be one of those girls, save to say you failed miserably.

Another thing you promised yourself was to never fall for a married man. Fuck. He even had a child.

All the time you reminded yourself that it was nothing but a silly little crush. He had a family, and you were barely twenty.

Still, every lecture got harder and harder for you. He just looked so fine and the way he had with words—it was just too much for you.

"Alright, students, see you next Monday." Rafe smiled, finishing his lesson.

People slowly started leaving, leaving, and you took a big breath before you approached your professor.

"Mr. Cameron? Could I talk to you for a minute?" You asked, feeling how your knees had already gotten weaker.

His smile fell a little, but he nodded regardless, "Of course, Ms. Y/l/n."

"The essay from a week ago, I think you made a mistake with my mark." You said in the friendliest way possible.

"No, I don't think so. The grammar of your essay was rather weak, and I didn't really appreciate the way you chose to write about the topic. The task was to write nothing but information and nothing about your personal opinion." He told you, packing his stuff in the meantime.

"All my other professors never had something against my grammar or my use of words?" You said in confusion.

"Well, Ms. Y/l/n, I suggest you focus on your writing. I am not quite interested in hearing your little excuses." He said with a strict voice before he walked out of the room

You stood there stunned. He never had something against your writing, and he never acted so annoyed and cold toward his students.

Tears swelled up in your eyes, and you quickly left the room, wanting nothing more than to cry in your bed.

You felt like shit. Rafe Cameron couldn't know about the crush you had on him since you never told anyone, and you also tried your best not to make it too obvious—not like the other girls. Maybe he had just a bad day, or maybe, he was really not fond of your essay.

------

A few weeks later, nothing had changed. You saw how friendly your professor acted toward other students, but when you tried to ask a question, he just acted differently. Fuck, he even ignored you every time you raised your hand in one of his lectures.

At this point, you should have accepted the fact that he hated you. But you couldn't.

You stood in front of his office and knocked on the black wooden door.

After a few seconds, it opened, " Oh, you must be one of my husband's students."

There she was, Rafe Cameron's wife. She was beautiful, and she seemed to be nice.

"Y-yeah, I just wanted to ask something about the lecture today, but I will just send him an e-mail." You mumbled with a small smile before you turned around to leave.

After you heard how the door closed, there was screaming.

------

The next day, after everybody left the room, Rafe Cameron asked to talk to you for a moment.

"Ms. Y/l/n, I am sure you had a good reason for coming to my office yesterday, but I would appreciate it if you don't bother me in my free time." He said in a cold tone.

You couldn't take it anymore. It was not a crime to ask a professor a question outside of lectures.

"Mr. Cameron, I tried my best not to say anything, but I can't take it anymore. I was polite to you and handed in every assignment you gave. And you? You gave me bad marks, and everything I do is bad in your opinion," You raised your voice, but he just stared at you coldly.

"What have I done wrong? Just tell me so I can change-" You went on, before he interrupted you," You are the problem. Everything about you is the problem."

You looked at him confused, "What do you mean, Mr. Cameron?"

"Fuck, I mean look at you. The way you look, the way you dress, the way you swing your hips when you walk out of the room, the way you bite down your lip when you're thinking. I can't think about you this way. I am your professor, and you are my student." He told you, pacing around the room.

Your professor, who was also your secret crush, liked you. He liked you in the same way you liked him. But what now?

"I- I don't know what to say now." You muttered and looked away, biting down your lip.

Rafe looked at you, taking a big step forward, and put his hands on your cheeks, "Just one, please."

You looked at him innocently and gave him a small nod. That was all it took before he leaned down and pressed his lips against yours.

You kissed him back, your tongues dancing around in each other's mouths.

"Please," You let out a desperate moan, and Rafe quickly picked you up before he placed you on his desk.

He took one of his hands away from your butt and brought it down to lift the hem of your black skirt. Slipping it inside your panties and pushing a finger inside your tight, now wet folds.

One of his hands still squeezed your ass as you moaned into his mouth. He broke the kiss, his eyes staring into yours, full of lust, "Who would have thought that you are such a slut for your professor?"

He started to work a second finger inside your tight cunt. Your clit grinding against his palm.

"So desperate, my little whore." He picked up the pace, pumping his fingers in and out of your aching pussy.

All you could do was moan and whimper. You were about to cum before you felt him retract his fingers.

You let out a sound of disappointment, which he returned with one of his famous smirks. He unbuckled his belt and pulled out his cock. He rubbed it against your dripping wet slit before he buried it inside your little cunt.

"Mr. Cameron," You let out a moan that was muffled by another hard kiss.

He started to thrust his hips. Your little pussy clamping around his hard thick cock as he fucked you on his desk.

You wrapped your legs around his waist as your bodies rocked together.

"Is this what you wanted?" He asked, and all you could do was cry out a small 'Yes, sir'.

He kissed you hungrily, and you could feel yourself nearly at the edge. "Cum with me. Show me what a little slut like you looks like when she cums hard all over her professor's cock." He moaned into your mouth.

You threw your head back as your pussy spasmed. Your hips bucked against him as his orgasm washed over him as well, riding out your orgasms together.

He looked into your eyes again, "You did so good for me, princess. Come on, let's clean you up."

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe x reader #rafe x you #rafe x y/n #rafe #rafe cameron #rafe outer banks #ob x #outer banks x reader #outer banks x you #outer banks x y/n #outer banks #smut #rafe fanfiction

434 notes · View notes

mybelovedwoo · 7 days

Note

yunho as boyfriend, please 🩷🩷

The long-awaited yunho boyfriend headcanon is here!!!

jeong yunho as your boyfriend - headcanon

headcanon, romance, fluff, smut

reader x bf!atz

wc. ~ 0.7k

an: i know this took soo long to write, but I actually had a really busy time since I last posted one of these TT but as summer is here now I'll hopefully have more time to write

you can request headcanons if you want to!! if you want to be tagged in any of my fics you can apply here <3

masterlist

- the funny golden retriever boyfriend, who never fails to make your mood better and to make you smile (it's his personal goal in his life, to make you the happiest, and he really does)

-just as to everyone, he is your sunshine, your happy pill, the reason you smile every single day

-he is also the "college boyfriend" kind of vibe, who is the love of your life and will be your husband in the future

-he always texts you no matter what, if his phone is in his hands, then he's most definitely chatting with you. also if he can't say anything else, he'll send you memes (it's one of his love languages)

-loves treating you with gifts, would most definitely bring you flowers on date nights, but don't forget about the bag of snacks and chocolates he always brings you on the first day of your period (he even tracks it on his phone, so he can be prepared)

-he's a gamer boy, so it's no surprise he loves it when you make interest and ask about his game, not even talking about when you ask him if you can play with him

-lots of inside jokes

-he is a big act of service guy. absolutely loves cooking for you or making you coffee before you wake up in the morning

-he never lets you pay for anything, even if you beg him. he thinks it's a gesture he is supposed to do as your boyfriend (at least that's what his father taught him)

-gets embarrassed very easily when you compliment him, he gets all shy and giggly, sometimes you do it on purpose, just to see his flustered face because it's the cutest

-he communicates problems so well, that you barely ever fight

-carpool karaoke dates, blasting your favorite music and don't care what other people think of you

-this man has endless energy, so he's never tired of doing anything for you or being with you. when you call him, he's right there just for you

-holding hands 24/7, even if it's too hot outside and your hands get all sweaty, he just doesn't care

-he loooves it when you pamper him, with kisses, or caress his back

-he asks for your opinion on everything, if you don't like something then he doesn't like it either. your opinion is the most valuable thing for him

-goofy nicknames that don't even make sense but you can't help but love it

-somehow always knows what you're thinking about. when you feel uncomfortable in a situation, he's right there for the rescue, tho you didn't give him any specific sign, he just knows you too well. or when you come home from work, you haven't spoken yet, but he knows by just looking at you that you had a bad day and ready to cuddle you all night long

-idk he gives off shy kisses vibes with lots of giggles, but when it's really intimate he just holds your face in his big ass hands

nsfw +18!!!

-okaay hear me out, he is probably a switch, but mostly a bottom. he just loves it when you take control, it's his favorite thing

-he would prefer the good old cowgirl position, but anything, where you're on top is his "favorite", at least that's what he says

-but there are times when his dominant side comes out and ohh boy, you are so blessed to experience it

-when he's in that mood, he just rails you with no mercy. he has to let out all the tension and there's no better place than in the bedroom

-he does magic with his long fingers, takes you to heaven then brings you right back to earth

-he likes doing it in a chair with you on top, of course, he likes the closeness and loves holding you during it

- sex with him is anything but boring, yeah it's really sweet with a lot of emotions, but it's also really passionate and sensual. he would recommend new positions and toys all the time, he likes experiencing

-for places, I think he's a traditional in-bed kind of guy, he likes to stay comfortable

-holds your hand and whispers sweet nothings into your ears, he talks you through it (with a really low and raspy voice)

-you have sex max three times a week, especially after a date night it's an essential

-his libido is quite high since he's a dancer, he can go multiple rounds in one night

-he likes to cuddle after, holds you in his arms. after a couple of minutes, you both just fall asleep right there and then

taglist: @dinossaurz (you can message me if you want to be added or removed)

244 notes · View notes

onismdaydream · 1 month

Text

tw: afab reader, fingering, sex in a public place (they don't get caught), pet names, not proofread

note: i asked what i should write the other day and @papersirens said suguru and then this happened so yeah :3

"look at that guy over by the bar."

suguru hums, you can feel the faint rumble of his chest on your back, and turns his gaze towards the direction you're facing. "the one in the red?"

"no, no, three people to the left of him. he's wearing that flashy chain. you see him?"

"what about him?" your boyfriend hooks his chin over your shoulder, his arms wrapped around your stomach pulling you ever so closer.

"he just struck out with this one girl, must've said something real bad because she threw her drink at him. see how his shirt is wet?"

"mhm."

"well, now he's talking to that blonde girl and i'm pretty sure that she's friends with the first one because they came in together."

it's common, at this point, that whenever there's some sort of outing with your friend group, you and suguru find yourselves tucked away in the quietest corner you can find. you'd much rather people watch than quite possibly make a fool out of yourself and suguru didn't mind the change of pace it provides. nursing drinks and pointing out the interesting things people did was plenty entertaining in your opinion.

"and," you continue, grateful that the music isn't as loud over here and you don't have to strain your vocal cords to be heard. "i think he's about to blow it here, too."

almost as if on cue, the girl tosses the remainder of her drink at his face and storms off, leaving the man alone and rejected once again. he grabs some napkins from the bar counter, wiping at his face and grumbling, before he walks off towards the bathroom. you would feel bad for him, but you have a feeling that he deserved it.

"looks like you were right." suguru chuckles, his arms loosening around you and allowing him to run his hands along your sides slowly. you can practically hear the smirk that pulls at his lips.

"you should know by now that i often am."

"then tell me, angel," his voice drops, his head turning so his mouth ghosts along the shell of your ear. "you think people can see us?"

suguru's hands drift lower, one squeezing at the fat of your hip and the other skirting dangerously close to the edge of your dress. a shiver runs down your spine, anticipation coursing through your veins as his fingers grazes against your skin.

"suguru," you whisper, your own hands reaching out to rest on his. you don't stop him, don't pull him away, don't want him to pull away.

"i don't think they can." he answers for you, his hand slips under your hem and your legs spread for him on instinct. humming softly in approval, he presses a tender kiss to your jaw. "only way they'll know is if you make noise. but you can be quiet, right? be good for me?"

his fingers tease you, sliding up and down your slit through your underwear. you're already wet, the dampness soaking through the thin fabric and you'd be a lot more embarrassed if it didn't earn you that throaty groan from suguru.

"you like this, hm?" rubbing at your clit to draw a quiet moan out of you, he nips at your neck, a sharp pinch that makes you arch into his touch. "better be quiet, baby. don't wanna draw attention to us."

"don't," your breath hitches, his fingers sliding underneath the band of your panties, touching you. "don't tease, suguru."

he must take pity on you, on your desperate state, because the next moment, he's properly fingering you and your head falls back against him, mouth open as you gasp at the sensation. if anyone were to look over, one glance at your fucked out expression and they would know, but your corner is secluded enough. suguru wouldn't risk you getting caught — he didn't want anyone else to see you like this. this sight, your face scrunching in pleasure and chest heaving as you try to catch your breath, was his and his alone to savor.

long and dexterous fingers prod at that spongy spot inside you, slick wetness coating them so there's no resistance. it's hard to stay composed when the heel of his palm grinds against your swollen clit. he can tell you're getting close, the little whines and the way you're clenching around him pointing towards your inevitable release.

"cum on my fingers, angel."

and you do. you would do anything he says, follow him everywhere and anywhere, so long as he gives the word.

his cock throbs in his pants, you can feel the hardness of his length against your body, but he doesn't pay any attention to it. his focus is on you.

"so pretty." he whispers, almost to himself as he admires you, your beauty that he could never tire of. he waits a moment, allowing you to regain yourself before pulling his fingers out. your slick and cum web between his digits, making them shine even in the low light.

suguru places them in his mouth, groaning at the taste of you, tongue swirling around to get every bit of your essence. you watch in awe and arousal, your core thrumming with another wave of desire.

"we're going home." suguru smoothes out your dress before pulling you with him. "gonna make you come on my tongue next."

#this might be messy idk i just let myself write without worrying too much #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #suguru geto #suguru geto x you #suguru geto x reader #jjk smut #perce.doc #.jjkai

283 notes · View notes

plush-rabbit · 5 months

Text

Dating Vox Headcanons

I have opinions again!! It's been forever!!

A/N: its kinda on brand for me to fall for a tv headed demon

It comes to no surprise that Vox is obsessive when it comes to things that interest him. Taking note of you, is both a blessing and a curse. It’s cute- He’s cute. When he attempts to speak to you in the beginning, he’s mauve, not skipping a beat in his attempt to make himself bigger and better than anyone you’ve ever known. However, the moment that you take interest in him- that you actually encourage him to talk more about himself- he might actually short circuit a bit. His screen freezes and he might even flash SMPTE colors on his screen.

As cute as he can be in the beginning, his obsessiveness also leaves you with no privacy whatsoever. He needs to know what you’re doing. It’s almost more than a need. It’s a want. It’s a desire to check in on you no matter what he’s doing in the meantime. He checks on you constantly, and sometimes it's for the worst. Hearing you laugh with someone that isn’t him, knowing that you’re having a good time when he isn’t around, is enough to have him claw at the table. He won’t confront you about it- at least not in the beginning of the relationship. At some point, you just become aware that he’s there. That as long as there’s some sort of screen- a camera, a television, a watch, anything- he can be there in no time flat.

He needs you close to him. He doesn’t want to wait a second more without you, so he’ll hire you as his personal assistant. It’s great pay and hours, and the benefits are reserved to you and only you. At first, you’re grateful- you’re in Hell and your partner is someone who holds power, honestly, it could be worse. He gets the benefit of seeing you everyday, practically 24/7, with you at his beck and call. You scurry beside him, take your lunches beside him, he takes up your entire time. The few times that you are allowed to go eat with others in the building, he’s keeping an eye on you. He needs to make sure that he can trust the others around you- that they won’t set you up for failure.

That being said, any relationships that you have outside of him and the other Vees, is monitored. Thanks to technology and addictive personalities, everyone has some sort of device on them at all times. He needs to make sure you aren’t with people who will whisper misguidance into your ear. He needs to make sure that you’re okay. However, the minute someone gets a bit too cozy with you, he’ll make sure to take care of the problem. Whether it's stitching an audio together to make it sound like they’re badmouthing you, or anything of the sort, he’ll do it. He just needs you with him. He can’t risk someone else starting to tell you how suffocating the relationship sounds.

It’s gifts here and there for you! Whatever you want- whatever you’ve even browsed online, he’s sending it your way via express shipping. It’s wonderful at first- you get what you want and all you have to do is tell the television demon how wonderful he is and how much you appreciate him and how you’ll never leave him. It’s sweet at first, you get nice things, but then you have an argument with him, and you realize that his gifts aren’t just that. What he gave you was expensive- would it kill you to just be a little kinder to him? You can’t just smile and admit you’re wrong at least once? Especially after everything he’s done for you?

Whether you’re tolerated by Velvette or Valentino or not, you’re stuck in every meeting that Vox has with them. Lunches, dinners, conferences, attempting to calm Valentino down after a tantrum, overseeing Velvette and her fashion shows- you’re right there, next to Vox. His hand claws over the top of your head, patting you, or raking his claws down your back or over your arm in an attempt to soothe him. The way he sees it, he soothes everyone else, and there’s no one to settle his nerves except for you. You’re an accessory at times- dolled up, perched at his side, and only speaking when you’re given permission to. You’re paraded around the office, following him close at his heels, making sure that where he goes, you follow. You can’t be left alone- what if something were to happen to you? He needs to be close by to make sure that you stay safe.

He hates getting upset at you. It breaks his heart- or whatever he has inside of him- to see you snap at him. You curl your lips, bare your fangs and with tears in your eyes, you tell him how you’re exhausted and how you don’t want to be some accessory to him, how you’re tired of being stuck inside the damn tower. You never listen to his warnings of it being so dangerous outside, and when you do make an attempt to walk away from him, you remember that he’s an Overlord, and you are not. He’s horrific, mean, and much stronger than you are, and he has no trouble putting you in your place if you even make an attempt to leave him. He really does hate yelling at you. You’re terrified of him days after, flinching and tensing when he reaches for you. But you’re just a bit dense and while you’re pretty, there’s not much going on in that head of yours, so you have to understand that he just has to be assertive sometimes.

After an argument, he doesn’t necessarily say he’s sorry, but he is softer around you for quite some time. His hands caress yours, and he adorns your wrist in jewelry, letting the tips of claws bump over every bridge of charms and rings. His claw traces over your fingertips, and he mumbles sweet things to you. He tells you how pretty you are, and how sweet you are to him. He takes a day off to just spend with you, to make up for everything that happened before. An apology will never be spoken out loud, he could never admit that he went too far, but he would tell you that maybe you two can leave the tower, go someplace nice and see all that he doesn’t let you see alone.

Considering who he is surrounded with consistently, he needs attention that isn’t cruel. He craves your attention. He likes how kind you are to him. In those moments where everything is still, and the lights aren’t so bright, but coloring you both in a golden hue, he likes the quiet when it's with you. It’s interesting to watch him be so apprehensive with his movements. He slowly rests himself on his stomach, the back of his screen facing upwards, as your hand starts to scratch up and down his back. You can feel him shiver, you can feel his breath, the tapping of his claws against you- the stillness that he tries to hold just so you won’t stop. If your phone buzzes, or your attention is taken away, he buries himself further into you, a low hum emitting from him. It’s the few times you see him so mellow.

There are times when Vox can be sweet. When he has the time- usually during a lunch, or one of your breaks- he’s right beside you, listening to you rattle on about this or that, showing him a video on your phone. He’ll nod and laugh, be attentive and ask follow up questions so you know he’s actually paying attention. You’re pressed close to him, his arm over your shoulders, your legs over his, bodies pressed so close together, it’s a wonder you two haven’t melded into one. Even if his screen makes certain things difficult, it doesn’t stop you from seeking him out. Despite how malicious he can be, you return to him, you adore how he talks sweetly to you, how he calls you his one and only, his dear, his sweetheart.

368 notes · View notes

thepradapariah · 9 days

Text

Astrology Observations

Twin Flames 😇😈, Karmics 🪐 & Soulmates 🕊

AUTHOR’S NOTES

Hello to all the Kosmic Baddies!! And welcome to all the new ones! I ADORE you all. All the positive comments and words of encouragement really make my soul warm and it means the world to me that you enjoy the content as much as I enjoy making it.

You all have given me the energy to write something else! And I appreciate it because I get so bored……………………………………

Thank y’all. Love y’all and I hope y’all enjoy this post. If you aren’t interested in my definitions, you can scroll down to the observations. I promise, I won’t take it personally :)

With Love & Lust,

A-D

INTRODUCTION

Unlike most of my other posts, this is a breakdown for how to read soulmate connections in a chart. Most of these observations are ones that me and my sister made just studying couples in pop culture and in our personal relationships. I thought it would be a fun post to write how I categorize these different kinds of relationships.

This post is probably my most subjective in awhile. These aren’t rules, per-say, but they are patterns I noticed when studying different relationships.

First, I will breakdown MY interpretations of what all these different titles mean, and then I will breakdown how they MAY appear in a chart. It is imperative to have the correct birth details for these observations to reign true. In Vedic Astrology, you don’t have to have a birth time because you can use these same calculations through the Moon chart. (Making the moon sign the ascendent. For instance, I am an Aquarius Sun and an Aries Moon, so my Moon chart starts with Aries. So my first house is in Aries, Second house in Taurus, third house in Gemini etc. My sister on the other hand is a Gemini Sun, Scorpio Moon, so her Moon Chart would be Scorpio in the first house, Sagittarius in the second house, Capricorn in the third house etc. Moon charts are a nifty thing to look at when doing astrological overlays, particularly if you don’t have an accurate birth time).

Again, just a friendly reminder that this is a PERSONAL OPINION piece. Now, for those of you who have been with me for my previous post, you know I’m not talking out my ass. So I can absolutely promise that I am giving you the most educated and thought out explanation that I can give at the moment. I am by no means the final say on ANY of this stuff, I am far from God and don’t want to be the judge or the jury…it is faaaarrr too much work. But please understand that there may be some things in this post you disagree with~ that is LOVELY, share your opinion with me in the comment section, I am more than happy to hear from you and listen to your insight!

But without further ado, let's break this down shall we?

DEFINITIONS

Karma:

Hinduism, Buddhism. action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation: in Hinduism one of the means of reaching Brahman.: Compare bhakti (def. 1), jnana.

Theosophy. the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation.

Soulmates:

Soulmates are just that– a mate for your soul. This is another soul, individual, or essentially another life force that you just “get”. Every relationship comes with its ups and downs and soulmates always seem to find one another no matter what. I find animals to be some of the BEST examples of soulmates out there. Isn’t it crazy how you can form a bond with another life force? I don’t find it to be a coincidence that animals and their hoomans can even look alike!

But enough with the furry friends, let's talk about hooman friends as well! Soulmates can also manifest as people (duh…)– whether super long lasting or a fleeting moment. Some friendships can prove to be some of the most profound soulmates in the course of a lifetime.

And of course…a soulmate can be a lover. We will discuss what can make a soulmate different from a twin flame further in the post. But yes, soulmates can absolutely manifest as boyfriends/girlfriends/theyfriends/husbands/wifes/partners etc. This is probably the most common and sought after kind of soulmate in mainstream culture, but I cannot express enough how soulmates can manifest in so many different ways. You know how Prince would rock out with that beautiful purple guitar? I consider that guitar to be a soulmate? After all, they shared a vibration and what is a man without his tools? As long as science says that everything is made up of tiny atoms, and each person, place, or thing contains its own vibration, we are bound to time and space by our soul’s connection. These types of connections help us move through the void of the darkness and chaos that is the universe, and we will be defined by the contracts of our souls through lifetimes and eons. (Smeeexxiiii, huh)

Twin Flames:

All twin flames are soulmates, but not all soulmates are twinflames. This is IMPERATIVE to understand when you are defining your connections for yourself. It seems to be trendy in mainstream culture to conflate the two, but these relationships have very distinct qualities and very different karmas (lessons). For the sake of starting on solid ground, let’s say that Twin Flames are like soulmates on steroids. Why? Because the contract level of Twin Flames can be an extremely heightened feeling and bring out the best and worst of ourselves so we can confront ourselves through a mirror like image, a reflection, if you will, so we can truly see ourselves through a 3rd eye perspective. Sounds like a lot of mumbo-jumbo, huh? Well, it kind of is. This may be a hot take, but it is an important one, NOT EVERYONE WILL EXPERIENCE A TWIN FLAME RELATIONSHIP IN THEIR LIFETIME. I repeat, NOT EVERYONE WILL EXPERIENCE A TWIN FLAME RELATIONSHIP IN THEIR LIFETIME. Why? Again, because this is HIGH level spiritual work that most souls just aren’t prepared to encounter. To be fair, just because it’s high level spiritual work does not equate to it being “high vibrational”. Most Twin Flame journeys deal with lower vibrations in order to raise them. So don’t confuse the work with the payoff. Twin Flames catapult one’s soul to the next dimension when it comes to spiritual growth and learning. One of the most popular modern examples of a Twin Flame relationship is…drum roll, please…Twilight (Spoiler Alert!). Bella started out as an innocent, run-of-the-mill suburban average teenage boring, blah blah blah, nothing-special kind of girl, with perhaps a proclivity towards darkness, who got entangled with a 300 year old vampire (or however old….), went on to experience the highs and very very very lows of a relationship, flirted with death, lost him, got him again, was deflowered, got pregnant, damn near lost her life trying to give birth and ultimately had to be “killed”/ “turned” by Edward– literally (or figuratively because it’s in a book…) “dying” to be born again and made anew. Essentially growing from an innocent virginal girl, to a very powerful woman & mother. Meanwhile, Jacob, who I would argue is simply a soulmate (see the difference…he was obviously the “safer” choice, but would not have sparked that dramatic of a shift in her soul) just watches from the sidelines. It’s just worth noting how traumatic that entire 4-book series and 5-part movie is from Bella’s perspective, but also from Edward’s. His darkness engulfed her willingly, like Hades to Perspephone. He wasn’t really a willing participant– until he unleashed all his passions and desires onto her. She reflected back to him a purer version of himself that was lost to the past and to his “vampirism”, while she was drawn to him to take her out of the mundane expectations of suburban living. Both parties were made to sacrifice a sacred part of themselves in order to embrace one another, but ultimately to embrace their truest form. For Bella, it was her becoming a mind-bending vampire…a FAR cry from the less than average suburban girl she started as. And for Edward, it was to bring love and happiness back into his life. He had to let go of his “I’m a monster” perspective of himself and see that although he is a lust driven, blood sucking, overly wealthy, perpetual teenager…he is…in fact, worthy of love. Awwww…now isn’t that just…romantic? To the teenage version of me…yes. To the adult version of me who has bills to pay…not so much. However, the story is a powerful one because it clearly illustrates the drama, the passion, the highs, the lows, the love, the lust, the hate, the envy in a spiritual twin flame connection.

(Tangent, but the word envy made me realize another key difference in the twin flame journey versus the soulmate or karmic journey…Envy plays a major part in twin flame relationships. There is something that you feel your twin has, that you feel like you don’t. Going back to our Twilight example, Bella envied Edward for his mystique, and his seemingly other worldly experiences. She envied his relationship to his own darkness. She found him interesting, to say the least. He was a masterful artist, a great pianist, wicked smart, and a selfless individual. Bella, at best, was a mid-level high school student. She didn’t have any talent, any hobbies, any desires. She was very boring and humdrum. She envied him for being so ridiculously complex. She was essentially a blackhole, wanting to be filled by him– sexually, physically, mentally, etc…She wanted nothing more than to dissolve into his world, inheriting his self-hatred and his life issues (like the Volutrie)...she envied his essence. On the other hand, Edward was envious of her purity. He found deep comfort in her lack-lusterness. She was beyond ordinary. So ordinary, in fact, she became extraordinary to him. To see a virginal young woman, full of life, and promise, brought him great desire. A desire he fought for like 3 books/movies. Edward, was by far, the “runner” in this scenario because he absolutely felt that his presence in Bella’s life would destroy her. And for what it’s worth, he was absolutely correct. He demolished her from the inside out– taking her virginity to ultimately making her a mother, an evolutionary act within itself. The triumph of the virgin to the whore pipeline (lol, no pun intended, but pun definitely accepted). Tangent over lol)

BUT what makes them a twin flame specific quality is the fact that you realize, you are actually the same. Edward was equally as dark as he was pure and same for Bella. There was no need to envy one another because they were both capable of all states of being. Edward and Bella are a good and bad example of twin flames, because they are the rare twin flames that stay together. So it’s beautiful they were able to find a middle ground and create a child and merge families–blah blah blah…but, that is pretty uncommon. MOST, not all, but MOST twins do not end up with a happily ever after. They usually are unable to reconcile their souls' differences. These relationships are usually to prepare one another for a high vibrational soulmate.

Karmic Soulmates:

Karmic Soulmates, are souls that have past-life unfinished business OR are meant to inspire a lesson that may or may not be resolved in this life in general. Karma/Karmic is a neutral term, so this type of relationship doesn’t have to be inherently good or inherently bad. It is a relationship that brings forth lessons so the soul can carry out the rest of its karmic mission. These relationships can play out in a romantic way, but they tend to be more on the platonic side. You can be in a Karmic relationship with your mother, brother, sister, teacher, etc. as well as a place! You can have a significant bond with a city, country, place and time. Anything that promotes the soul’s growth through support, challenges and forces you to learn, is a karmic contract/soulmate.

You are certainly meant to learn. But because of Karma being ruled by the planet Saturn, these relationships can go on for a long time, can be extremely difficult and will keep pressisting until the lesson is learned and the karma is fulfilled.

Karmics tend to have a negative connotation, particularly in the youtube tarot world, but it genuinely doesn’t have to be. In fact, I argue that all significant relationships are inherently karmic– be it clearing up Karma from a past-life, or creating new karma for the next.

Always remember, the universe is neutral. Lessons are neutral. Love/Hate is…neutral. We need not judge the nature of any relationship, including our own, if it means to help enlighten, enrich and grow our souls. We are social creatures and we don’t learn lessons about ourselves in a vacuum. Different souls, people, places, and things can trigger our growth in ways that we are incapable of imagining beforehand.

I say all that to say, as one of my favorite quotes from a family friend who passed away years ago said, “some things, you just don’t need to experience”. There will be times in life where you touch the fire and need to feel it to get burned…other times, you will know what that burning feels like and will turn away. This is the perfect system of Karma. Sometimes you will get burned, whether you “asked for it” or not, and other times, you will know that there is no need to even play with the fire to begin with.

So take everything in life with a grain of salt and a shot of whiskey! Life is supposed to be fun…even the not so fun parts! Live, laugh, love, lust & learn! Enjoy the moment.

(This is a great example of a non romantic karmic, he wrote this song for his grandmother who passed & it catapulted him to another dimension career wise)

OBSERVATIONS

Observation 1

Do not underestimate the power of Chinese Astrology

Hear. Me. Out. I haven’t found a more accurate astrology for relationships than Chinese astrology. Crazy, I know. But Chinese Astrology is extremely straightforward. Screw the birth times, you just need a month and year and you’ve got all you need. I always joke that I exclusively date through Chinese Astrology, but I am seriously only half kidding (lol). I kid you not, whenever I study my relationships through this particular astrological lens, I am genuinely AWE STRUCK with how uncannily accurate it is. Try it! Next time you find yourself dating, or even checking the compatibility with your current mate, read a few articles and see how it lines up for you. I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised. I manifest partners through their Chinese zodiac because I am so passionate about it! It hasn’t let me down yet!

***Note: I don’t have this as an official observation because it’s not astrologically based, but look into numerology as well when studying compatibility! It is VERY insightful.

Observation 2

Usually Twin Flames/Soulmates have Gemini placements somewhere in their personal planets or ascendent

So this take may not sit well with everyone, because you may feel limited in the types of soulmates you can encounter if you don’t have any Gemini placements. Fret not, keep reading, you may fit in another category.

I am not saying that this is the LAW, I am saying this simply is something I have noticed when studying what I consider twin flame relationships. In most Twin Flame/Soulmate relationships, the Zodiac sign of the twin is usually present for BOTH individuals/souls. The psychic nature of Gemini makes it very easy to just “get” someone, and feel as if you’ve known them for years. Have you ever heard two Geminis talk to one another? It can be hard to keep up with them!

Soooooo…..I feel the same to be true when it comes to these kinds of intense relationships.

It is also worth noting that Gemini is ruled by Mercury. Mercury/Hermes in Greek Mythology is the only God that can travel between Mt. Olympus (Heaven, so to speak) and The Underworld (Hell, if you will). I think this is important because it demonstrates why Gemini placements in particular can experience a love of such depth. It can go into the pits of hell and to the glories of heaven with ease, making it one of the most valuable placements for a twin flame relationship.

Another note is, in traditional tarot, The Lovers card is depicted by the twins. I feel this is a significant indicator of a deep soulmate connection because of the telepathy and how intertwined lovers/gemini energy can be. The inherent closeness of these soulmates is intrinsic to closeness that is required for any level soulmate/twinflame. Nonverbal communication can play a major role in these types of connections. As chatty as Geminis can be, it’s what they don’t say that ACTUALLY matters. Only another Gemini person would understand that.

Now, Virgo is also ruled by Mercury, but Venus is in detriment in the sign of Virgo. I don’t think Virgo fits this description as well, because Virgo is inherently about solitude, represented by The Hermit in traditional tarot, making it more about virginity/purity than about a 3D twin flame physical connection. To be honest, I just haven’t witnessed it as much when dissecting charts, but I will study it more and perhaps my opinion will change. But as of right now, I don’t believe Virgo placements depict as strong of a connection as Gemini in this case. Feel free to prove me wrong! I’m always open.

Back to Geminis…It seems so weird that Gemini energy would be the ones who attract such intense relationships because they seem so, unloving…but one of my favorite Gemini on Gemini relationships is Courtney Love (Gemini Sun & Moon) and Kurt Cobain (Gemini Moon). Ooof. OOOF. But it was like they had their own language and lived in their own world. Now, that relationship ended up in tragedy…but hey…they had some “fun” moments. They were so similar and too similar at the same time, that it fueled an outwardly bizarre connection, but to them it made perfect sense. This is the power that a double gemini connection can have. Minus to tragedy part.

Observation 3

Twin Flames almost always have the SAME zodiac placements or DIRECT OPPOSITE zodiac placements.

This rule, without fail, is one of the most important and powerful observations that I have come across. If you are checking the zodiac for twin flame compatibility, I will almost say YOU MUST have the same or opposite placements in the big three (rising, sun, moon) and/or Venus and Mars.

This can be ANY SIGN in ANY HOUSE.

For example: You have Sun in Scorpio, Moon in Cancer, Rising in Sagittarius…Your twin could have Sun in Virgo, Moon in Taurus, Rising in Aries. Because the Sun and Moon are in opposite signs, you could experience a twin flame relationship.

Another example: You have Sun in Gemini, Moon in Aquarius, Rising in Pisces…Your twin could have Sun in Libra, Moon in Leo, Rising in Aquarius. Because the Moon and Rising are in the same sign, you could experience a twin flame relationship.

You can mix and match, as long as something mixes and other things matches (lol). I’ve seen so many charts of couples that share placements or have opposite placements and immediately I go “uh! Twin Flame!”.

I think this is due to the illicit push and pull nature/mirroring nature of Twin Flame relationships.

This is where “real” science comes in. All energy has an action and a reaction to create equilibrium. This is why this particular observation is so important. As I’ve stated from the beginning, when it comes to Twin Flame relationships, they are meant to teach, expand, challenge and heal, so it makes sense that you would be met with the opposite force and attract one another OR the same force and repel one another. (Let’s talk physics…think magnets…two positives and two negatives repel, but a negative and a positive attract…woot woot! Call me Bill Nye biiisshhhessss) The entire effect is to make your soul ebb and flow so it can reach a state of neutrality. You want someone to challenge your opinions and your sense of self so you can know what/ who you are. If you’ve never had a mirror, how do you know what you look like? Again, the same is true when someone is so similar to you. You may look at them and go “wow, is this how I come off?”. Just to reemphasis, I don’t want this to come across as an inherently negative thing, it doesn’t have to be. It just usually requires a highly developed spiritual understanding to see that. This particular alignment can give the “can’t live with em, can’t live without em” feeling.

If you have complementary placements, like your Sun is in Capricorn and your partner has their Moon in Taurus, this may be more of an indication of a soulmate connection. The same can be true if you are both air/air or air/fire or water/water or water/earth.

Now, another way you can see it is if you have opposing elements. But, I don’t think it reads as strong as actual zodiac signs.

Just to be clear, all my examples thus far have been using Sun, Moon and Rising, but this trick can extend to Mars and Venus. So let’s say you have Venus in Cancer and your partner has Mars in Capricorn…it counts!

Observation 4

For long-term compatibility, your partner’s Venus will be the same as one of your placements in your big three or your venus– ESPECIALLY WOMAN in Heteronormative connections or Males in same-sex relationships.

Trigger warning for those who are sensitive about pronouns…please use your imagination. I am talking about ANCIENT astrology, so it is rooted in traditional gender norms. You may disagree, that is fine, no judgment, but for the sake of this observation, you can bear with me…or ignore it. The choice is yours!

Now, I am talking about a man’s Venus placement here. In traditional astrology, Venus indicates the man’s wife. So if your “man” has Venus in Pisces, you may have Pisces Sun, Moon, Rising OR Venus/any other water placements. This would make you complementary. In fact, I would say if his Venus placement aligns with your chart, other placements in the chart won’t matter as much.

For example, You are a Gemini Sun, Libra Moon, Aquarius Rising. If your partner is a Pisces Sun, Cancer Moon, Scorpio Rising, BUT their Venus is in Gemini, Aquarius, or Libra…you’re in luck! From the big three, it may seem as if you are completely incompatible, but low and behold, your partner loves what you are putting down, so the “differences” may not be so different after all.

Venus is EXTREMELY important to long-term relationships. So is the 7th house. I won’t go down that rabbit hole for this particular post, but keep that in the back of your mind.

These connections may not be as intense as Twin Flame, but this is certainly a great indication for a wonderful connection. Let me say, like I said in the beginning, not every soul needs to experience a twin flame connection for its evolution. If you are wanting something more grounded, then follow this rule of thumb when checking initial compatibility with a partner.

BONUS: If your person’s Venus falls in your first house, this is a great indication of producing love at first sight! Now…other placements matter, obviously, but this is an extremely powerful indication of strong, immediate, attraction.

Side Note: For Women, you would look at your Jupiter placement for compatibility with your “husband”! I find that you can also use this rule for Mars when it comes to “boyfriends” as well.

Observation 5

Synastry and Overlays Matter!!!!!!!

Definitions:

Synastry- When comparing two natal charts, this calculates the planetary alignment between two individuals.

Examples- Mars conjunct Venus or Sun trine Saturn

Overlay- When comparing two natal charts, this calculates how a person’s planets fall into another person’s house system.

Examples- Person A’s Jupiter is in Person B’s 8th House. Or Person A Venus sits in Person B’s First House.

(if these are new concepts to you, I HIGHLY suggest you do some research. Tumblr has some wonderful posts dedicated to these practices that are highly informative. I would love to do posts concerning synastry and overlays in the future!)

Okay, this may be the MOST important observation, but it is more advanced than Sun/Moon/Rising/Venus compatibility. This requires you to have knowledge of the WHOLE HOUSE system (sorry, western astrology) and deep comprehension of planets, conjunctions, oppositions, trines, squares and aaaaallll that good stuff.

My sister and I LOVE synastry and overlays. It really puts entire relationships into context to see how your chart lines up and what underlying energies you’re dealing with, regardless of the actual placements. How the planets react to one another and how those planets show up in your chart is MUY IMPORTANTE! Chances are, if you’ve read these other rules and they haven’t resonated with you, I guarantee, you’ve had a relationship that is based more on planetary alignment than zodiac compatibility.

(Just to be clear…this is why I started off with Chinese astrology…Chinese astrology is INSANELY accurate and doesn’t require nearly as much study as what I am saying here. DO NOT underestimate the power of Chinese astrology when it comes to compatibility. I love how accurate it is with very little information.)

With this rule, you don’t need birth times, but my goodness do they make an impact when doing overlays. If you don’t have accurate birth times, always remember you can do it off the moon chart, which essentially makes the moon the ascendent sign. Just know, for an accurate overlay, you will need to use the moon sign for BOTH charts. It will not be as accurate if you use your birth chart with an accurate birth time and overlay to their moon sign. It isn’t “wrong” per say, it just isn’t nearly as precise. You want to use the same charts. Moon charts overlay one another and natal charts overlay one another. If you have both birth times, then do both! Go wild! The more the merrier!

Now, I am not going to go in depth about what these two practices mean, because that’s an entire post within itself and I wanted to keep this one “short and sweet”. But I will say, for a rule of thumb, if you have strong trines, oppositions, and conjunctions with a person, that is an indicator of a twin flame, soulmate, and karmic connection. If you have Saturn, Pluto, Venus, Neptune and Mars with low orbs, this can indicate a soul contract/intense connection. If yours or their placements sit in your 1st/7th/8th/12th house, this can be a VERY strong indication of a powerful & spiritual connection. There are plenty of ways this can be mixed and matched. The relationship between two charts is so important, they are a study within themselves. I am only scratching the surface here, so if you are a novice, again, I cannot express enough how exciting it is to do some digging when it comes to this stuff in relationships.

There are plenty of free synastry calculators online, so please use them as a resource– even if you don’t understand the calculations, it is important to see the results. These placements can truly unlock a much deeper understanding of your relationships that you just won’t get when it comes to looking solely at your charts at face value!

Let me know if you’d like me to discuss these topics further moving forward! You know I love to spread the knowledge, and there is just something so sexy about synastry and overlays…it’s honestly one of my favorite parts about Vedic astrology!

Bonus: North Node/Rahu and South Node/Ketu can play a VITAL role when determining what kind of karmic relationship you are in.

POP QUIZ

Just kidding, there is no test, because I’m too lazy to grade anything, BUT here is an example of what I’m talking about when combining the previous observations. I am not doing a super deep dive, but I want you to see how everything overlaps and intersects.

Let’s use Rihanna and ASAP Rocky as an example. Their connection hits on a few different cylinders. Rihanna is an Aquarius Sun and ASAP Rocky has his Venus in Leo. Why does this matter? Although Rihanna is an opposite, so Sun opposition Venus, which is twin flame-y, she is a FAMOUS, CREATIVE, ENTERTAINER and MUSE…this is ALL dealing of the 5th House/Leo energy, so it make sense…for now…as to why he would be attracted to her. She has No Leo placements in her big three, but because it’s the opposite, we go to that push-pull magnet thing I was talking about earlier. As far as how their relationship will play out long-term, I have ZERO idea, but I can say their attraction to one another is very real, but it will probably be volatile at times because of the Sun Venus Opposition. I’m sure her ego will cause difficulties to his love language, BUT he may be able to take it, because his Venus is ruled by the Sun. See how layered and complex it can be? And we are just looking at one placement. They work because he enjoys the attention that she brings (not in a vampire way, just in a “wow, isn’t my lady so cool” kind of way) and he allows her to shine without dimming her light, while she enjoys the fawning that he gives her. He loves that his partner is larger than life and Rihanna is larger than life because…well…she’s Rihanna. She is able to appreciate him, because at this point in time, he doens’t in any way seem like he is trying to compete with her. He is a confident person who can stand beside and behind such a force, BECAUSE he has such a strong Venus placement.***

Relationships aren’t black and white. These are just observations and rules/patterns that I have found to be true. But as you’ll see, as I have presented, some things will contradict, some things won't make sense, what makes sense for one chart doesn’t make sense for another. Etc… This is such a fun topic because it really is like a puzzle. And it really is a case by case basis. The more in depth you can look at a chart, the more knowledge you can walk away with.

FINAL THOUGHTS/MINI RANT

Oof….okay, what a ride! (Can you believe I had the intention of this being a short post. HA!) I hope that you were able to take something away from this post and learn something new! As you can see…there is a very intricate science behind how soulmates/karmics and twin flames work. It is so much deeper than saying “oh wow, that’s my twin flame”...like…maybe? I feel mainstream spirituality/astrology/tarot has taken that phrase and run with it. And saying “if you identify as twin flames then you are” is misleading. It really isn’t something you “identify” with. They either are or are not your twin flame. There isn’t an in between. It is not ambiguous and it can be fact checked. Also, twin flame makes it seem like you can only have one…I don’t think that’s the case. I think you meet as many “twins”/mirrors/soulmates/karmics as you need until your soul learns the lesson. Have you ever felt like you just keep meeting the same person over and over and over again? That’s because we are talking about soul recognition and not necessarily 3D body recognition.

You may be attracting different “people”, but you could be attracting the same “spirit”. So don’t always get so hung up on a particular person. TRUST ME BABES, if there is unfinished business, that same energy will come back around over and over and over and over again until you geeeetttt ittttt.

Another note is, if you’re like me, and you have exalted Venus in Pisces conjunct Ketu…then every relationship feels twin-flame-y. Why? Because I have my relationship planet tightly conjunct my south node, so I am on a spiritual journey on my own when it comes to relationships…my twin flame is most likely…Jesus Christ…sooooooo……yeah. (I kid, I kid, but not really. My placement can indicate being a nun…and trust me, after dealing with the crap I’ve had to put up with when it comes to these men folks, I have absolutely considered giving my body to God…cuz these men just don’t do right…lol…anyways…) Men and relationships have become my life’s work…which is why I am here sharing this information with you today. Each relationship is very nuanced but all have similar themes.

I am very much into tarot and astrology and all the things, but I do feel like there is a fad going around about this twin flame business. And as much as I enjoy a tarot reading popping up on my tiktok talking about my “twin”, I am always acutely aware that it can be a mislabeling and inspire people to put up with all kinds of crap for the sake of the label. If you’re going to be in a shxtty relationship, then be in a shxtty relationship, but don’t misuse the word. Twin Flame does not automatically translate to terrible, explosive, runner-chaser relationships and it does not excuse poor behavior. There is a difference between someone who is making mistakes because they are trying to learn and someone who is taking advantage of someone who won’t stand up for themselves. Sometimes, someone you like, just doesn't like you and your ego in tandem with your fear of rejection/abandonment is preventing you from actually growing and pursuing a relationship that would benefit and promote your soul’s growth. It’s almost like getting stuck on level one of a video game. Until you beat that internal need for validation from one specific person/soul…you’ll never get to play the next part of the game. Now…this isn’t me saying that soulmate/twin flame/karmic relationships don’t have their downsides, but I am saying, at least know the kind of energies you’re dealing with before you go putting pressure on a presumably less evolved/knowledgeable individual expecting them to “challenge your soul” and you haven’t even challenged yourself. This whole twin flame ordeal is like handing a toddler some markers and leaving them alone in a room full of white walls– it is bound to get messy. Soulmates are a BEAUTIFUL thing. And very rarely, I mean VERY rarely can a twin flame move into a more relaxed “soulmate” relationship. It is not impossible, but the amount of effort that is required to transcend, is unbelievable. BOTH PARTIES have to be spiritually mature and aware to do the work. This connection is NOT one sided…BOTH individuals are required to learn, grow and HEAL. Mind you, healing is the main reason for these kinds of relationships. There is no way to heal when your relationships keep pouring salt into an open wound. People can get caught up with and hang on to people for far too long because of a mislabeling. It is equivalent to a misdiagnosis from a medical doctor. Sure, you may have a cold, but if they misdiagnose you with a broken leg…are you receiving the right treatment? NO! And now you won’t heal properly! TO BE CLEAR…I believe in fate– so if you meet someone and you have an extraordinarily intense connection, you probably fit one or more of these rules and THAT IS why I am making this post. I want you to do the research for your own sanity so you can express FREE-WILL in whether you want to walk down that path or not with a certain individual– while also knowing the other person has free-will too. No label, or synastry, or overlay, or Chinese compatibility will change the fact that you may be fated to meet someone, but free-will may take you down different paths.

On another, equally important note…It is also possible to end up and stay with the wrong person. It is! You may look at a chart and follow some of these patterns and realize, you have NO BUSINESS with that individual. But people end up with the wrong people all the time. People have wasted LIFETIMES with someone they had no business with. But their ego decided they were a “soulmate” or a “twin flame” or they aren’t “healed”/spiritually awaken enough to realize they can do better…and low and behold…they were wrong and they wasted precious time. Now they’re miserable, can’t figure out why, and they end walking straight past a real soulmate in a supermarket…unable to even recognize them because they are so bogged down and clouded in their unhealed ego and a bad relationship that has cut them so far off from their own divinity, they can’t recognize love if it smacked them in the face. DON’T LET THAT BE YOU!

THERE ARE LEVELS TO RELATIONSHIPS!!!!!!!!! Not every soulmate will be as intense as the next. Not every boyfriend/girlfriend will be as compatible as the last. Love is a game of musical chairs. There is movement, there is stillness, seats get taken away, and eventually, there is a winner. And babe, it will ALWAYS be you. You will always be the last one standing when it comes to relationships because you have free-will. (Let’s not forget the importance of the 1st House/7th House axis. You vs Relationships. It is as equally you as it is them.) You are bound by nothing. You are bound to no one. You are love. You are light. If you do the work, you may find a wonderful, loving, long-lasting relationship full of romance, but this is not guaranteed. You AND your partner have to choose each other every single day. The best relationships require discipline, work, forgiveness, “God”/some higher power, and love– no matter who you cross paths with in this life…you have to do this for yourself first and foremost. Alas, if you are too caught up in people who won’t meet you in the 3D, let alone the 5D…you will always fall flat of what you are looking for. The chair will always be ripped from under you when the music stops. Always. All of this is irrelevant if it doesn’t come from within. And this is why I want to express it one last time…NOT EVERYONE WILL EXPERIENCE A TWIN FLAME CONNECTION. You don’t understand how much you have to overcome rejection, overcome fear, overcome lust, desire, ego ALL the things, to open yourself up enough to join forces with another soul and try to tackle life together. Your ultimate lover is not your savior– they are your equal. You have to save yourself. You are not your ultimate lover’s savior. THEY have to save themselves. You ain’t super(wo)man and they aren’t either. Your partner has to be willing to do the same work…THAT’S what makes them a twin. It is not because they are treating you like shxt, babes…

Learn the lessons. Do the work. Love every bit of the journey…especially the crappy parts, because THAT’S what will make it all worth it in the end and you’ll enjoy the beautiful parts as much as the Greek Gods enjoy sweet nectar and ambrosia.

Why is this important to differentiate? Why now?

Now, one thing is for sure…and two things for certain, I am psychic and I have seen in my crystal ball that there is heavy energy of union in the atmosphere. I am hoping that whoever stumbles upon this post, is on the path of self-discovery which ultimately leads to liberation because not all union is good union. (I think covid brought in a lot of bad unions for example…but that is another topic for another day). The days are getting darker, and the evil forces are getting stronger (am I being dramatic enough for ya?) so it is important to know exactly what we are all up against. Only few are chosen to be in relationships that are led by light. There is so much overwhelming darkness now and I don’t want anyone that I am influencing to fall into the trap. There is potential for WONDERFUL, POWERFUL, SEXY, LOVING, LONG-LASTING & HIGHLY SPIRITUAL unions right now. But you may be tempted by something that seems beautiful and it is nothing of the sort. So please, do your research. Love with all your heart. Let spirit lead you! Let love find you, there is no need to seek it out! Take calculated risk! Open up your heart chakra! But ultimately, always be mindful of the wolves in sheep's clothing.

Ciao ✌🏾

#astrology #astro notes #vedic astrology #astrology observations #sidereal astrology #astro community #astrology notes #astro observations #tarot #Spotify

259 notes · View notes

ktempestbradford · 9 months

Text

A Story for Star Trek Day

I've told this story on Twitter before. I tell it every Star Trek Day and whenever a Deep Space 9 anniversary rolls around. It's about me and Avery Brooks (aka Best ST Captain Benjamin Sisko).

The college my mother went to specifically started recruiting top Black students in the 60s. Due to this, the Black kids all mostly knew each other as they were in that same program. Avery Brooks went to the same college and they were good friends.

(She once told me he had a huge crush on her and I was like MOM. MOTHER. WHAT. HOW COULD YOU HE COULD HAVE BEEN MY DAD.)

Anyway, many of the students in this program remained friends long after college. So over the years as Avery was getting TV gigs & such we would all watch cuz he was my mom's friend & I thought that was the coolest. There was one particularly fun night when my best friend's uncle, Frankie Faison, guest starred on A Man Called Hawk. TWO people we know on TV!

When I was in middle school Avery was touring his production of "Paul Robeson" and it came through our town, so I got to see him perform in person (awesooooome) and meet him for the first time since I was a baby (which I did not remember, of course).

Now, backing up a little bit: I am a Star Trek fan because of my mom. She loved the original series and I remember being a wee Tempest in front of the TV watching The Wrath of Khan and us excitedly going to see Star Trek IV together.

I watched TNG from the instant it appeared on TV because of her. I watched all of The Animated Series even though everyone looked "wrong". (Man... it took me 4 months to realize that dude in the red shirt was Scotty cuz I'd only ever seen movie Scotty.)

Then... they announced Deep Space 9.

We heard Avery Brooks would be the commander and there was MUCH rejoicing around our house. DS9 turned out to be the best Trek ever and, of course, Avery was awesome. This was around the time my mom dropped that "he had a crush on me but I wasn't interested" bombshell.

I'm still bitter.

I mean, I love my dad he's great. But SISKO COULD HAVE BEEN MY DAD.

I lost my mom in 1999. She was--and I'm not exaggerating--an extraordinary woman and beloved by many. I received so many beautiful messages of condolence from her friends all the way back to those college years, including Avery. So many people remembered her fondly. <3

I kept watching Star Trek and often talked to her as if she was there during episodes. She would have LOVED Discovery. Especially since she took me to RENT the year I started college. I'm sure she would have shared my opinion of Enterprise as well. But she loved her some Scott Bakula, so she would have watched, anyway.

I got the chance to interview Avery Brooks at DragonCon back in 2013 (jeez, it's been almost 10 years omg). Before the interview, I went up to him on the Walk of Fame and I said:

Hi, I'm (name K stands for) Bradford, I don't know if you remember me...

And he looked up and said: Of course I remember you.

We talked for a bit and I asked if I could come back and interview him later and he said yes (he wasn't supposed to; his handler had A LOOK). I didn't want to hold up his line, so I said I'd see him later.

Before I could go, he reached out for my hand and squeezed it before saying: I loved your mama, you know.

And we just stayed like that for a few seconds, missing her together.

...I might have been trying very hard not to burst into tears.

That DragonCon was the last time I saw Avery. Barring an extraordinary circumstance, that's probably the last time I'll see him in person. I'm glad we got to have that moment together. And we had a great conversation!

His contribution to Trek has meant so much to me. SISKO4EVA

And I'm glad that it's another tie between me, my mom, and Trek. I can't watch DS9 without hearing her voice giving color commentary. Even the episodes she didn't live to see.

I think Star Trek is part of what gave her hope for the future. She passed that on to me. ❤️🖖🏾❤️

Happy Star Trek Day to all who celebrate.

#Star Trek Day #Sisko #Deep Space 9 #DS9 #Star Trek

770 notes · View notes

creativewritersposts · 16 days

Text

fucked up - Nico Hischier

summary; Nico Hischier x reader.

The honest opinion from a person you really like can hurt the most. But what if Nico regrets it?

warning(s); bad language, angst, argument, fluff, maybe grammar errors

author's note; based on a true story. I'm sorry for not posting "happy-clappy fluff imagines" like usually (promise they'll come back soon). I can't write just pure fluff when I'm crying a river.

--------------------------------------------------------------

It's the third day in a row that Nico doesn't want to talk with you. You can't explain why, but your stomach feeling tells you, something is not okay. You tried to distract yourself with work, work and more work. But when you step in your apartment, you're mentally break down. Your overthinking says hello. You grab your phone, trying to call him, just his mailbox.

"What did I do wrong", you mumble to yourself, biting on your lip. It's rainy outside, like how you feel. You're starring at other people out of the window, until your phone vibrates. "hello?", you start the conversation without looking on the screen, who it is. "it's Nico, are you at home?", his voice sounds deep and kinda annoyed, "yes", you smile, happy to hear he's alive. "Ok bye", he hangs up without a second. You stress yourself to cook a nice dinner in an hour until the door bell rings. "hi baby!", you want to wrap your arms around his neck, but he pushes you politely away, "we need to talk, something is bothering me", his brown eyes let you feel confused, he never been so serious. You nod and let him walk in your kitchen. "I cooked dinner for us two", you smile to blow the negative vibes away. "Do you think dinner will change the fact you act exaggerate?!", his tall body turns around because he stands before you. "huh?", you're even more confused. "We're not together and you stress me out", he tolerates no argument whilst speaking. Honestly you're not able to argue. It's like a punch in your face. "what did I do?", you feel so small. Even when he told you this in a respectful way. "you stress me out. You want to text non-stop and you're not my girlfriend, not yet. After last night with five text messages I'm thinking if it's a good idea to ask you for that", Nico grabs your shaky hands,"it's not like I'm not interested anymore", he kisses your forehead. You're just able to nod and accept the fact. What he needs and wants.

"Thank you for telling me this", your fake smile shows sadness. Nico doesn't want to hurt you on purpose. "I'll pack in the pesto for you", with blurry eyes you do that, giving him the lunch box. Nico just stays calm, taking it and when you close the door behind you, he thinks of hoping you understood what he meant.

The next days your chest feels heavy, texting no message, you don't call him, you let him his freedom. You know Nico lost the finals of the world championship, he looked so disappointed and usually you would at least send him something lovely, but your brain tells you; you were clingy. You're the problem. You're a bad Person for bothering someone. You don't enjoy being a clingy girl.

In the middle of night your phone vibrates again, like ten times until you groan, you're not in the shape to talk happy phone calls. "hey, are you ok?", his voice sounds occupied. "Sure", you reply. "You didn't text me once. I'm worried. We lost", he let you know the news. Of course you're not saying that you watched his game. Like he gave you a clear message. You would be clingy you're not his girlfriend and he owes you nothing.

"I'm sorry to hear that", your hands shake again. You don't feel comfortable anymore, more like you have to hide your personality to be not the problem anymore. "I didn't mean that I don't like to talk with you", he coughs. "I really like you anyway as a person who you are", he talks more. "I'm tired, good night", hanging up until he can hear how much you're hurt. Just thoughts hunting you in your head;

what are you doing now?

What is the right way to deal with this?

#nhl blurb #nhl x reader #nhl hockey #nico hischier #nico hischier blurb #nico hischier fluff #nico hischer x reader #nico hischier angst #nhl angst #nhl imagine

163 notes · View notes

luceafarul-de-dimineata · 2 months

Note

I'm curious, what if mc in the shipper au is polyamorous and dates multiple or perhaps all of the kings, what then?

I'll be including Asmodeus as one of the kings MC starts dating because I want to write for Dantalian as well.

Whb shippers reacting to a poly!Mc dating all the kings

Well, you're dating Satan, so Paimon doesn't complain that much. Would probably still bicker with some of the more active shippers about which king you like most, but he'll be chiller in the forums. He continues his usual fan-fic writing and edit making maybe throwing in some photos of you and another king so he doesn't get pilled on by the other shippers.

Eligos takes a hit when he hears that but he learns to accept it. This is... good, from his point of view. Mammon loves seeing you being greedy for lovers and Eligos likes seeing Mammon happy, it's a win win situation. After all, everyone in hell belongs to Mammon, so you're basicly just playing with some toys that belong to you. Eligos is of the opinion that you're only trully dating Mammon and the other kings are side-dishes, so he let's it happen.

Foras cries. He just cries. He's absolutely godsmaked as to how you could possibly convince Leviathan to let you date other people. On one hand, he's happy that you consider his majesty your lover. On the other hand, how dare you go out and show your affection to other's. He tries to keep you in Hades as much as possible, right next to Leviathan's side, and he'll only stop when either you or Leviathan tell him to. Stops doxxing people for a month since he's too sad to open the forums.

Glasylabolas is sad, but for other reasons. How is he supposed to start drama when it's public information that you're dating all the kings?! He tries to argue with people about which king you love best, but he only gets responses from try hards (Gamigin) which is less fun than having all the forums in chaos. Plus, Gamigin never leaves Paradise Lost and he was doxxed ages ago, so he no longer has where to show off his hacker powers.

You better hope that Beelzebub set Amon down and explained what polyamory is because the moment he finds out that His Majesty Beelzebub's s/o is being stolen by the other kings, he sees red. The one law that seperates Avisos from Abaddon is that you're not to steal someone's lover, which is how Amon percieves this whole ordeal. At one point you were on a peaceful date with Mammon and you see Amon making a beeline to you. He was ready to shoot Mammon (as if one bullet could kill him) but you had to throughly explain to him the concept of polyamory.

Amon: So it's like an orgy... but romantic?

Mammon: Sometimes it's just an orgy

Mc: Mammon! But yeah, that's kind of it.

Will leave you alone from that point onward. He has no interest in destroying a happy law-abiding relationship.

Dantalian is also sad that he no longer has anyone to fight with in the forums. But he has a lot of fun going "I told you" on every post he made about how a poly relationship is the only logical step for the relationship between you and the kings. Him and the whole Abaddon crew would ask if they can join in the bedroom fun and 9/10 Asmodeus even encourages them. Whether you like it or not, dating Asmodeus was always the gate way drug to being into polyamory.

Gamigin chockes on his spit when you tell him that you're dating all the kings. He looks at you with this face

He didn't know you could do that. He's still an avid Mc x Lucifer shipper and will continue to get into arguments with people that disagree. He had to be lectured by the Paradise Lost marketing manager (Buer) about how bad it looks for most of Paradise Lost's media output being arguments on the internet about a stupid topic. Gamigin stops redirecting his passion for the subject towards making sure that your stay at Paradise Lost is the best in hell. Finally he can talk with his brothers and they'll understand what he means by keeping you happy so you come to Paradise Lost more often.

#anyone interested in a fic about the paradise lost gang being your personal bootlickers so you stay with Lucifer?#whb #what in hell is bad #shipper au #whb paimon #whb satan #whb eligos #whb mammon #whb foras #whb leviathan #whb amon #whb beelzebub #whb glasylabolas #whb dantalian #whb asmodeus #whb gamigin #whb lucifer

206 notes · View notes

inuyashaluver · 5 months

Note

I love jealous fanfic, so right now, I'm obsessed with Felicitas Rauch right, and you and her go out on a date and the waiter is flitting with you and ask you questions and all that stuff and at the end of the night woth felicitas get quite angry, that waiter ask you out and you can do that every with the ending but I think it would be quite funny. Thank you, and I love your work ❤️

the waiter - felicitas rauch

felicitas rauch x reader

description: in which your girlfriend takes you out to dinner on your anniversary and the waiter seems to take an interest in you

warnings: swearing, suggestive, german in bold italics!

a/n: hiya!! thanks so much for the love and request, hope you enjoy ❤️❤️

⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆

you and your girlfriend, felicitas are very much enamoured with each other. everyone knew it, as did you and your girlfriend.

you two had been together for over 5 years, living together in germany absolutely smitten for each other.

—

you’re a sports journalist, having made the big move to germany from australia about 6 years ago. you had been learning german for a large portion of your life, you were relatively fluent but it still made you extremely nervous to interview people in their native tongues.

it was after a loss for wolfsburg that you and felicitas laid eyes on each other for the first time. she always dreaded interviews after defeat, she rolled her eyes when she got pulled for media.

but when she saw your pretty face on the pitch nervously shifting your weight between your feet, she perked up. she was excited, but you were a little tense, especially when you saw the gorgeous player smiling charmingly at you while she got mic’d up.

“hello” felicitas smirks, holding her hand to you for a handshake. you smile brightly at her, taking her hand and shaking it firmly. “hi, big fan” you say shyly, the girl in front of you raises her eyebrows amusingly, “well it’s very nice to meet such a pretty fan” she winks, your knees almost gave out.

“you guys ready?” your cameraman asks, cutting your interaction short. you give a curt nod, smiling at the girl who gives you a reassuring smile, almost implying you’d continue the conversation after your duties.

“hello everyone! (y/n) (y/l/n) here with the amazing felicitas rauch” you smile at the girl and she smiles back, waving to the camera before focusing wholeheartedly on you. she was entranced.

“despite the unfortunate loss today, you played amazing, a definite favourite in my opinion.” you talk directly to her, holding eye contact with the girl was hard but the way she’s smiling so softly at you made you feel a newfound confidence you haven’t had before.

“well that’s good to hear” felicitas laughs, moving her body slightly closer to you, you smile sheepishly and continue . “how are you feeling about the team’s performance overall?”

she nods at your words, “i think we played really well, even though we lost. but it’s nothing we won’t bounce back from, i think today we all made mistakes and that’s okay. the other team played better today and we’ll come back better” she shrugs, smiling at you while you listen intently to her words,

“we are definitely looking forward to the next match, thank you for speaking to us today” you smile at her, she places her hand on your arm quickly before letting it hang back to her side.

“it’s been an absolute pleasure” she smiles back at you, waiting for the camera to be turned off.

“thank you again, felicitas,” you attempt to shake her hand again but she experimentally pulls you into a quick hug. “no worries, and please, call me feli, i hope i see you around” she grins as she pulls away, you can feel yourself a little warm.

“yeah, me too, feli” you breathe out, she smiles and waves at you, walking off to the change rooms but not without looking back at you and checking you out.

—

and she did in fact see more of you, you were at every game and it made both of you giddy. every time she saw you, she’d pull you into a tight embrace, each one longer with every interaction.

she made an effort to hang around after each of your interviews to chat, sometimes lasting over an hour of just getting to know each other.

and after a little while, she knew you liked her, your pink cheeks telling her everything. and so, she asked you on a date and laughed when you instantly agreed. the rest is history, now living together in germany absolutely in love.

—

it was your 6th year anniversary, you and felicitas were heading out on a special dinner date to celebrate. it took her everything in her power to let you actually leave the house, you looked absolutely beautiful. when you walked out into the living room to an awaiting felicitas, she swore her heart stop at seeing you.

“my god” she mumbles, she hides her face in her hands and leans back on the couch, you smirk a little and move to sit sideways on her laps. “you okay, baby?” you tease, placing an arm behind her neck, she takes her hands off her face and wraps an arm around your waist,

“mein liebling (my darling)” she breathes out, kissing your cheek repeatedly as she pulled you closer. “you’re absolutely beautiful” she says in awe, taking in your appearance, her heart fluttering at the thought of you being hers.

“you look beautiful too, geliebte (loved one)” you smile brightly at her, brushing a piece of hair off her face, both of you had pink cheeks, truly endearing how after 6 years you’re still so shy around each other.

“should we skip dinner?” she smiles suggestively, giving your thigh a gentle squeeze, you chuckle and give her a gentle kiss on her lips, hearing immediate protests from your girlfriend when you pull away.

“no, let’s go” you say cheekily, pulling her up from her seat and receiving a half assed glare from the girl you loved so much. “beauty only gets you so much” she sings out, teasingly pulling you close to her, lips grazing gently. she smirks at seeing you tense up, she knew how much she made you nervous and she loved it.

—

you both made it to the restaurant, lovesick smiles evident on both of your faces as you sat down. you both engage in conversation, hands interlaced over the table as you talked.

“this place is very romantic, feli baby,” you grin, resting your head on your free hand while you look at her, “only the best for mein ein und alles (my one and only)” she scoffs proudly, giving your hand a gentle squeeze as you chat about the ambience.

though, the moment is ruined when your waiter for the night makes his way over.

“hello, ladies, i’ll be your server for the night, can i get you anything to start with” the waiter smiles, only looking at you with a hungry gaze. felicitas immediately raises her eyebrows at watching you completely unaware, you were focused on her, your hands still intertwined on the table.

“maybe just some wine for now?” felicitas suggests and you nod at her with a smile, looking up at the waiter to see him already looking at you. “i’ll get that for you right now” he winks at you and you look slightly shocked, was he flirting with you right now?

the waiter walks off to get your wine and felicitas begins to giggle. you look at her in surprise, “looks like someone’s got a little crush” felicitas teases, you instantly roll your eyes and sit back in your seat, your hands separating causing the girl in front of you pouting slightly.

you were about to say something until the waiter comes back, “here you go, beautiful” he smiled charmingly and it made you feel sick, you smile kindly at him, thanking him and dismissing him but he doesn’t move.

“let me pour it for you, pretty girls shouldn’t pour their own wine” he smirks, pouring your glass first before quickly doing felicita’s, you not rejecting the offer had your girlfriend feeling a twinge of jealousy but you were genuinely in shock, not knowing what to do in this situation.

the waiter leaves for a moment and you nervously sip on your wine, felicitas narrows her eyes at you challengingly. “he’s friendly” she grits out, her jaw clenched as she takes in your appearance. “yeah” you cough out, quickly averting the conversation as both of you talk normally. until the waiter comes back and takes your order.

“excellent choice, you’re a woman of good taste” he winks when you recite your order, you freeze up and look at felicitas in shock.

“yes she is” she coos at you, she was furious, she tells the man her order and reaches for your hand again, you happily and very quickly take it. apparently this meant nothing to him because he flirted with you the whole rest of your time at the restaurant.

felicitas surprisingly let it continue, teasing you everytime he would leave. she’s not worried about it at all, but she is jealous. she knew you loved her more than anyone so she didn’t think that much of it, until you were about to leave and he slipped you a note with his name and number on it before walking away but lingering nearby to see your reaction.

“you’re fucking joking” she laughs in disbelief, promptly taking the paper and ripping it before throwing it on the table. the man’s eyes widen as felicitas pulls you up from your seat and pulls you close by your hips. she presses you into her, kissing you passionately, making you lightheaded when she slipped her tongue into your mouth.

she smiles against your lips when you whine into her mouth, wrapping your arms around her neck to pull her closer. after a few seconds she parts from you, giving you a playful slap on your behind before grabbing your hand and dragging you out of the restaurant, making an effort to walk in front of the waiter and winking at him, kissing your temple as she walks you out. “my pretty girl” she says proudly, no ounce of insecurity evident in your voice at seeing your desperation for her.

you give her a shy smile when she pulls you to the car, opening the door for you and rushing off to the driver’s side. as soon as she’s seated, she pulls you into another fierce kiss, pouring out all her pent up frustration into it. she pulls away with a teasing tug on your bottom lip between her teeth, placing a hand on your thigh as she drives you both home.

“it’s very cute that he thought he had a chance with my girl” she chuckles, giving your thigh a squeeze.

“i only want you, feli” you breathe out nervously, she looks at you briefly with a smirk, “oh, i know, baby” she teases, ready to get you home as quickly as possible so you know exactly who you belong to.

⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆