#once again forming a parasocial relationship with my anons

[blorbocedes]

cannot believe you have me searching for george russell videos but here we are my beloved. i need people to understand that gr is not a natural born tory, not in the way that alex and lando are. alex and lando were born to rich, bougie families. they both went to private school (lando actually went to the same school as the king of thailand, and his father is one of the uk's wealthiest people, that's how rich his family are) and it is clear in the way that they speak.

the uk is absolutely preoccupied with accent and class and the intersection of the two. the most 'acceptable' accent to have is received pronunciation, which is generally thought of as being the southern accent, but is more precisely the accent of wealthier, middle to upper class people from the home counties (the counties surrounding London), particularly the wealthier parts of London, Oxford, and Cambridge. think judi dench, vanessa kirby, stephen fry, joanna lumley, helen mirren for an accent reference.

neither alex nor lando are from these areas, lando is from Bristol and alex is from Suffolk, both of which have distinct accents of their own, but they both speak with a fairly RP accent because of their wealth, class, and education. alex's accent is 'better', it's more crisp, and captures the phonetic rhythm more accurately. it's also slightly more nasal at times than lando's form, but lando's so much whinier that his accent is always more snobbish than alex's.

george, on the other hand, is actually from the general RP area. he was raised in Wisbeach, in Cambridgeshire, so the pattern of his speech and the general way in which he forms sounds matches that of the RP accent. but if you listen to this, an interview taken when he was fourteen (his speaking starts at around the 40 second mark) you'll notice a big difference in the way that he talks to the way in which alex and lando speak. this is the point at which class comes in. now, while i'm pretty sure that george and his family are middle class, george's accent is 'common' enough to suggest that they're certainly not an upper middle class family (yes, there are layers upon layers to the british class system, yes it's stupid and terrible) and likely only lower middle class. this is also supported by the fact that george went to grammar school (a state funded school, but one that is selective and requires you to pass a test to get in) rather than a private school (there are many private schools in the area that george grew up in, and in general private schools care less if you miss lots of school for competitions etc because you're paying).

because accent is linked so much to class, and therefore access to education because the british school system is broken, having a RP accent is an instinctive indicator of wealth and intelligence. it's clear that george has put effort into his accent and ensuring that it is crisper, shortening some vowels and ensuring that he enunciates his consonants, but even so, if you listen to him here, you can still tell that he was raised and educated amidst the 'common people'. similarly, he's evidently put a lot of effort into dressing in a certain way to give the impression of wealth and sophistication. the accent, the clothes, the hobbies (see this photo of him playing croquet, this photo of him cycling in the ponciest way possible, and this photo of him cosplaying shooting at balmoral) are all carefully curated to give the impression of a man who is rich and well-educated from the upper echelons of british society. he's trying to seem like the motorsports version of hugh grant, but the accent betrays him ever so slightly.

this doesn't mean that he's not still a tory of course. he's obscenely wealthy, definitely a queen fucker, and has an almost baffling lack of charm that goes hand in hand with the belief that capitalism is a good thing and that liz truss is an acceptable choice to lead the country (we're definitely not a global laughing stock), but he's definitely not the same kind of tory as lando, though like you i don't think lando has ever voted in his life whereas george definitely had an orgasm the moment that he dropped his Conservative vote into the ballot box (we do still use actual bits of paper that you draw on with a pencil, isn't british democracy wonderful).

anon you are so out of this world in levels of scholarship. i felt like I was reading an academic paper I was nodding along, I was going why of course, yes, as if I have Any idea what differentiates a posh British accent from a common pleb 😭

this is truly... wow. you've convinced me I now believe GR is Not a trueborn posh boy silver spoon of Mayfair but is desperately trying to fit in by being the Most tory of all... something about George Trying intentionally to sound more upper class is so... George...and having a chip on his shoulder cause his peers are so effortlessly belonging to said class, like you Know lando has never thought about pronunciation once in his lifetime, he doesn't even know what the word means! or how Alex is so perfectly pleasant and well bred and his Friend but also everything that doesn't come to him with ease, that he has to carefully think about and project... I just know he saw David Beckham queuing 13 hours for the queen's ash box and if it lands him a knighthood George is gonna 🔫 Charles (prince not leclerc) himself so he can stand in line for 20 hours !!!

it feels only fitting to post this now that wet lettuce has outlived Liz Truss 🥬 lmaoooo but you're right... GR absolutely got a hard-on voting for the Conservative party... he has a little pin that says for queen and country... cheers 🥂🥂🍾

i actually love anons like this cause wow you know what You're talking about and I'm just here to make hehe joke . this is where I develop a parasocial relationship with my anons and wish you were my friend so I could spam about GR larping as a posh boy despite Being a millionaire in your dms (this is an open invite to slide) but thank you for this essay, I truly enjoyed reading it ahaha <3

[amyyscorner]

Heya anon. Since you seem to really want my attention, I'm giving you this present of a response. Doing it here, as to not clog up my fanfic account. I hope you understand. <3

Let me start by correcting your message: Allie is a name, so the first letter is capitalized. Don't is a combination of two words: "do" and "not". Therefore you need an apostrophe between the n and t.

Now for the contents of your message: It seems that you have formed a parasocial relationship, or possibly an obsession with Allie. I understand that parasocial relationships aren't as uncommon as we would like for them to be, especially in fandoms and especially in kpop, as idols create content for the sole purpose of getting people obsessed with them to a certain degree. But, unfortunately, I must inform you that Allie is an adult, who is fully capable of choosing who she spends her time with. I did not at any point force her to be friends with me. I did not make her tell you off. I can't make her do anything. And she isn't an idol. As for the interactions: Our friendship lies beyond content creation. She knows that I do not look at all of her posts, the same way she doesn't look at all of mine. Fortunately we do not need to interact publicly, to be friends privately. You know nothing about our lives. And about the last thing you said - making space for other people - I have not once asked her to or made her stick with only me. She is fully free to make friends with whomever she would like. Who she talks to and who she doesn't has nothing to do with me and is her free decision. It kind of sounds as though you are jealous, that a friendship between you and her hasn't formed. Now that may either be because you haven't even reached out, or because you just didn't get along, but please do not let your jealousy affect the lives of others. It is not within my control who Allie spends her time with.

I kindly ask you not to send an ask like this again. You are only harming the writer you idolize so much, by harming people close to her.

[nymphacae]

I really hope this doesn’t come off as a weird question, but do you have any advice for socializing in online spaces? You seem to be really good at interacting with people. /gen

This isn’t a weird question at all! It's actually an honor that you consider me qualified to answer this question, bc a year ago I Definitely wouldn’t have considered myself someone who’s sociable! (still not, tbh, social media is terrifying in a different way than reality is, lol)

I’m coming at this as someone who gained a following through….recognition, i guess? I hopped on really late into the game, so by the time i was on social media, the community kinda already knew who i was. And I’m glad for that opportunity! It’s a unique situation, sure, but i understand the feeling of being bogged down by ‘oh god am i doing this right’ ajskajsk

So yea, being sociable online is HARD, but I’ll ATTEMPT to narrow down how I approach it:

Be respectful! The golden rule!! You don’t know what the other is going through, what they’re going to say, the duration of the conversation, who they even really are, etc. but that doesn’t mean you can’t be considerate. Do no harm, take no shit

Be open-minded – you’re gonna meet folks from all different walks of life, and there’s absolutely no shame in stepping back and just listening! You learn a lot this way and it keeps conversations innovative and new ! share your perspective and realize your story/worldview/opinions are not End All, Be All. it’s way more rewarding than it might sound, or maybe i’m selling it well, who knows!

Be sincere! Reach out to those in a genuine effort to be friendly, and try to remember some tidbits about the people you’re with! Personalized messages are a great way to let folks know you care about them, just think about how YOU’D wanna receive a message from somebody — we’re all just people behind a screen, shrug

And also, maybe I’m just old and grew up on scary Stranger Danger PSAs, but I think another thing that’s lost is: Know When To Step Away!!! It’s SO easy to get sucked into the wormhole of social media. One thing to remember is: if you’re online, you have an online persona, and if you have followers or FANS of that online persona, you can form parasocial relationships. IE: I have a responsibility to ensure I’m not subjecting anyone to anything they didn’t sign up for; as someone who tends to discuss darker, more mature topics I try and keep a fair distance away from my younger viewers and let them know WHY. I talk with/follow some teens, sure, but they’re not my immediate friend group, i’m probably not in their notifs very often; that’s just how I’M comfortable online

Establish boundaries!!! Be upfront! YOU curate your own space online – and in turn, Please remember you’re not responsible for the image people make of you in their head, don’t let blocking/unfollowing or anything like that destroy you, sometimes you just won’t Vibe with someone; you don’t Vibe with everyone either, yknow? you can only ever be yourself, and that’s a blessing or a curse, whatever way you wanna consider it

Again, these are just tools that help me, and I’m still learning! Just test out the waters; it’s that first step in making an account and getting to talking that’s the scariest, but once you find your Group a lot of things are gonna come naturally, i PROMISE you. And you’re already Taking a big step in reaching out to ask this! I’d get so nervous submitting questions on anon back in the day….honestly, we’re ALL just freaking out on the other side of the screen, if that’s any consolation, haha

[isitovernowfromthevault]

ur tags.....if u ever want to share these thots abt the sw*ftie fandom, I promise I will reblog and scream your post on the rooftops. it’s the best tea there is

My thoughts are kind of a mess and they change as we see more and more internet creators speak out about the fucked up nature of parasocial relationships.

It basically goes like this: ever since her MySpace days, but particularly around the Secret Sessions and tumblr interactions, Taylor herself has basically functioned as a BNF (big name fan) within the fandom. For the longest time, BNF’s have been kind of a replacement creator inside the fandom. For example, you could never have an actual conversation with JKR (ew) and actually change her mind about what she was going to do with Harry Potter, but maybe you could get Cassandra Claire to become your friend and listen to you for suggestions on fanfiction. Or at least laugh at your jokes. And so fandom became an insular activity somewhat separated form the creator.

This barrier did not exist in swiftdom, because back when she was a teenager, Taylor realized that she was basically sharing her diary with her fans and she wanted to actually meet these people. And then swifties realized that, if they got lucky, they could get the actual creator to laugh at their jokes and even invite them to her house. So swiftdom never really developed outside the ever present Taylor, and, likewise, Taylor never really stopped trying to meet as many fans as possible. Neither side took the traditional role.

So of course this leads to a unique kind of insanity. On one hand, swiftdom has a very unique hierarchy defined by Taylor herself: secret sessioneers. Its undeniable that she approves of these fans AND they have access to special content, so they’re at the top. At the same time, these people suddenly have a huge amount of responsibility, they have to not spill the beans for starters, but they also end up with a huge audience, and now “policing” the fandom is kind of up to them as well. If you think its inappropriate to speculate on her romantic relationships, you may just yell at people and log off, or ignore the drama. But if you think its inappropriate AND Taylor follows you AND invited you to her house, then the least you can do is make sure tumblr is a safe place for her, so now you have to be very careful about how you talk about it. Fandom becomes a spectacle. Its all very fucked up, because of course she doesnt actually see everything thats going on, and its not really her duty to police everything everyone says in her name, but the fandom acts like it is.

Her solution as of this year seems to be to distance herself from fandom, which, while on the surface is the most sensible solution, does leave an entire fandom without the leader it used to have. (who also never functioned as a traditional leader but thats besides the point). Now you have the same homophobia and bigotry except without the classic “Taylor liked” that would put a stop to it, so thats a mess. I think its also important to remember that whatever Taylor liked or reblogged was interpreted by the fans. She was kind of an oracle that came in to say “oh I like that” and then everyone would be left scrambling to figure out what exactly she liked. Im still not sure how I feel about her leaving, or what exactly I think her responsibility to and inside the fandom is.

The whole ask blogs thing is a separate but somewhat related discussion: there are always going to be BNF’s thats just... human nature to create leaders I guess. It also leads to a lot of trouble. You have people trusting other people with their problems and life stories, because they want to be seen. But now you have blogs that receive dozens or hundreds of asks a day that are also forming parasocial relationships with their followers. Once again you have someone who cannot possibly be expected to deal with so many people on a personal level (and cant even if they wanted to-these are anons we’re talking about). And then you get, yet again, a hierarchy.

I think to condemn any sort of structure besides purely horizontal is to say you cannot have a fandom bigger than a dozen people and I dont think thats the solution. I think its ok to have gif makers, people that interpret lyrics, make masterposts, gossip, or even blogs that give advice. Its fine to have some BNF’s, and fandom really isnt fandom without them, but its also important to acknowledge that they can sour the entire experience because they have too much on them. Anyone can have a bad day and get snappy, and I think everyone needs to realize that you cannot depend on one big blog (or several) for your entire fandom experience. If a big blog, or even Taylor, has a bad day and yells at people (or calls them freaks) its not their fault if the entire fandom then goes down the gutter.

I dont really know, and my thoughts on the matter change every day. For example, I love Taylors Easter Eggs, and i dont think she should stop doing them, I think they can be a very healthy way of interacting with hardcore fans: its saying “this one is just for you guys”. But spend five minutes on Kaylor, or Haylor tumblr and you can see how these are spun wildly out of control to people looking for clues to a truth only they know. (not unlike QAnon).

I dont know, and if you have any thoughts on this please share them. Ive spent most of my life in one fandom or another and I do think Swiftdom has a uniqueness to it that comes from Taylors close interaction with it. Also, shes a mega popstar of truly gigantic proportions so maybe the fandom is just bigger than usual and gives more space for wild things.

[vampiresuns]

“Hey me and this person misunderstood your poorly written joke/stupid meaningless bullshit. Fucking die lol” okkaayyy thank you so much for responding to my explanation correcting my shit wording and then telling me to die. Thanks guys! Could’ve been solved with a “uhhhh did you mean you Want in****” and me telling you no and re-explaining myself but okay. Die! That’s fun!

You know? I was going to ignore you, but apparently you do not understand the meaning of the phrase "don't talk to me again". Which I meant seriously! Unlike the "oh you're dying? then die" which you can trace back both to 1. slang 2. meme format.

Maybe that just goes to prove that y have no idea how you sound. Because your first message did sound incesty, and where you explained yourself (which I deleted, but I have a screenshot just in case you wanna misinterpret me again) wasn't any better. Clearly you're another case but I don't wanna date two siblings at the same time — and given general experience about involving yourself in such a scenario I'm either gonna go with:

a) You're rationalising something — and then, Honey, it's not my problem. That's on you.

b) You probably do not have siblings — aaaand your misconceptions about sibling relationships and your (to me) borderline incest, definitely incesty, wishes which you put up on "the game's fault for not having poly routes" is something that is yours alone to handle.

This takes me to two further points: first of all, what in my blog made you think I would sympathise? That I have OCs for either Portia or Julian? Who are, by the way, related to each other? I don't know who the fuck do you think I am, but this isn't it. Still on this topic, out of all my blog, out of all of it, out of all the things you could've sent me an anon about, this is what you wanna talk about?

Honey, if you wanna talk about whatever is going on that head of yours, either find a friend (I'm not your friend, I don't know you. I owe you politeness at best), or you know —if it's something you really wanted to talk with me— you could've used the dm system, which is a more suitable way to establish a conversation than anon. Unless, of course, you don't want your name associated with whatever is going on inside your head. Once again, that's on you, and I don't know what you want me to do here.

Secondly, if you put this much importance to what I have to say using a meme format, which is kind of self-explanatory about it not being serious, you are going to analyse the brain rot that Tumblr has put in your brain and examine the parasocial relationships you form with people under the guise of anonymity. Ask yourself what are you trying to do by getting your opinion validated (which won't happen in your case) by a person who has less than 400 followers and all they do is talk about their OCs and fantasy politics, because that's the world building I'm into.

Also, I would advice you to get away from the internet a little bit, if someone using a meme format to speak to you, makes you feel this badly. You know, for your well-being.

I don't know what makes you think that I was mildly going to agree with you, and that I am somehow obligated to not draw a boundary about things that you say, as a fucking stranger who can't even send something off anon, and the things that make me uncomfortable for whatever reason.

I know there's a pandemic, but why don't you mask on, and go outside and touch some grass. Everything else you send me, I will delete. Since I can't 'then perish' you for the meme, I will resort to say it literally: go live your life however the hell you want, find whatever attention or outlet you're trying to find within reasonable boundaries, and be happy, but do it the fuck away from me.

Oh, and one more thing: don’t police how I speak when the tone and meaning is self-evident in context.

Bye-bye ♥️

[astoldbysteph]

the people sending me weirdo anons are truly sick and y’all need desperate help.

i dont understand why y’all think that me, a literal abuse and incest survivor, would excuse someone’s support of it, or why you guys are all over my inbox, insulting me and making a whole load of weirdo assumptions as well as actually celebrating someone finding proof of danna’s being a gross weirdo. like, are you guys actually okay??? are you that starved for entertainment that you must turn something so heinous into a source of “internet drama”. if i defended her before it’s because that woman herself condemned the nasty ass plot in spanish interviews. if her ass can’t decide how she feels about that vile stuff that’s on her, not me, so idk why the freaks in my inbox are trying to turn into something that it’s not, or even have the gall to assume that i would excuse her nonsense. but tbh, i do know it’s because freaks here just look for reasons to hate on me because they once felt called out over something i said, but seriously, y’all really need to reconsider the parasocial relationship you’ve formed with me as well as the way you handle the revelation of stuff such as danna’s excusing the nasty elite plot she was part of. 

i think that maybe instead of celebrating and relishing the on the fact that now you get to call her names or shit on me, maybe you need to look into what has prompted you to be that way and actually focus on being disgusted by that shit instead of just partying because now you have an excuse to dislike someone.

danna is absolute garbage for excusing that nonsense, her past doesn’t excuse the brainrot that drove her to say it was interesting or whatever the hell. her and anyone that makes comments like that about something so vile is sick. 

but i do want to mention that the post i made about her was because i was mad that people were so quick to call her names and shit on her, while white men with a dubious past had people make excuses for them time and time again. that double standard is still alive and well and whether y’all wanna admit it or not and if people get mad when someone asks them to examine their own biases, that’s on them.

[flebus]

Good evening, I am enamored with your bugs and would like to know more about them, I find the lore you have crafted to be fascinating, might I be able to ask why Rita killed one of them? I would love to hear you talk about them in more detail, I am ever a fan of your work

omg, this is the sweetest ask ever, it really made my day <:’^D thank you!!

hmm... let’s see... they’re all part of a longer-form comic i’m working on right now! it’s been coming along slower than i’d like because life has been hectic lately, hahaha, but i’m really happy to be able to share some of it here X^) 

the whole thing is kind of about, um, pop culture obsession and parasocial relationships. and killing the sixties? Rita loves the insects but ultimately it isn’t sustainable or good for her, and there’s something, like, evil in the center of that love, you know? they aren’t real, not truly, so they can’t ever give anything back. she loves a projection of them. she has to kill them to move on, i guess. 

thank you for sending this, sorry to answer it in the most roundabout rambling way ahahaha. i don’t know if i’ll ever want to post the full thing online once i finish it (i’m saying “once” instead of “if” so that i feel legally bound to completion) but again i really enjoy sharing parts of it, ‘cos i love it a lot and it’s really fun for me to draw things for it. 

have a good evening yourself, anon ^///_>///^ 

[wellknownwolf]

I want to move into a new phase in my relationship with fandom, as I mature with new experiences. I'm not sure what exactly that looks like though. What is your take on the parasocial affection inherent in an RPF like Rhett & Link? Or even the deep attachments that can form with fictional characters? Or a desire to emulate fantasy worlds? I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable with all this, it's just that it's been a long time coming, and once I got started I couldn't stop. - Natasha (5)

First, let me post the full question, since it came in 5 parts:

Hey, it's me again. Your 'mystery inquirer', as you so adorably dubbed me. You're right, I had forgotten I'd sent in that ask. Just now, I couldn't help but think about a scene from Life After, as I am wont to on a frightfully regular basis, which is what got me back here. When you said you pondered over my seemingly simple, banal question for a good while, and wrote out a beautifully thoughtful answer like you always do, it made me happy.

Your narrative voice is similar to my own, and it made my chest ache in a certain way to have gotten such a response to what felt like a random shout out into the abyss (though it obviously wasn't, I sent it directly to you, I guess it's more what it felt like taking a chance on a conversation with a random stranger online). And now I'm cringing a bit at how melodramatic all sounds. But I'm committing to it, anyway. That's the beauty of anon, eh?

Wolfie (is it presumptuous to call you that? Please do forgive me the liberty I'm taking), I must admit. I'm quite envious of this community you have with @missingparentheses, @lunar-winterlude, and other wonderful people. Since childhood, I've been head over heels in love with fandom. Not a specific fandom, I've been a traveller through dozens, but fandom in general. I've read probably thousands of fanfics, spent countless hours daydreaming about beloved characters and their stories.

To the point where, in my most recent and worst depressive episode, it may have been for the worse, if I'm honest. Escapism and yearning to the point of impairment, engendering a sense of constant bereavement. But it's taught me so much about life and its wonders, I can't write it off as just some damaging habit. It's such an integral part of who I am, a deeply curious soul (shout out to my Enneagram Type 5-ers out there!). But I don't anyone to share it with, and it can get quite lonely.

I want to move into a new phase in my relationship with fandom, as I mature with new experiences. I'm not sure what exactly that looks like though. What is your take on the parasocial affection inherent in an RPF like Rhett & Link? Or even the deep attachments that can form with fictional characters? Or a desire to emulate fantasy worlds? I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable with all this, it's just that it's been a long time coming, and once I got started I couldn't stop. - Natasha

.....................................................................

Thank you for giving me so much to respond to, Natasha.  Thank you for continuing to reach out.   I accidentally wrote something like a paper in response to your thoughtful question.  I even conducted a little research and cited a source.  ENGLISH TEACHER, ACTIVATE!

Also, for what it’s worth, I feel at times that I communicate exclusively through shouts into the abyss, so it’s a language with which I am at home.  In fact, it is this very technique, this experiment with intense vulnerability at the hands of a virtual stranger, that earned me one of my absolutely most-treasured friends: @missingparentheses.  I have poured out a great deal of my own melodrama to her, and she has received it and reciprocated it in a way that, three years later, continues to teach me how to be a better friend.  In short, I’m a firm believer in diving straight in when it comes to new friends.  Cringe not; I’m on board.

So let’s dive.

R&L is really only the second “fandom” with which I’ve been involved.  Third, if we count my preteen obsession with ‘N Sync (and considering how much wall space I dedicated to their posters and self-printed photos, we probably should).  My point is, while I don’t have much experience with the community facet of fandom, I do relate to your feeling of near-obsession.  Or clear obsession.  

I know the feeling of escapism you’re describing, and I know the yearning and melancholy that can come on our worst days, where we feel like “real life” will never measure up to the color and brilliance of the worlds we spend so much time considering. These worlds, these characters and their relationships, their challenges, victories, and defeats all seem so purposeful: they’re the plot points we use to craft the stories in our heads (regardless of whether we’re writers at all).  It can be much harder to view ourselves as protagonists worth analyzing, viewing and reviewing through new lenses, perhaps because we’re warned against navel-gazing, perhaps because our self-perception just won’t allow for it.  Maybe a little of both.

But yes!  It teaches us!  We DO learn about life, other people, love, risk, all kinds of things through what we consume in these fandoms, so I would never classify it as a “bad” thing.  We hone our imaginations and learn to pay attention to our own emotions as we recognize feelings from our favorite shows, games, books, and characters arising in ourselves.  

I used to be a little afraid of the fact that I was always telling myself stories, internally imagining myself as someone else, a player in the worlds I often loved more than my own.  I suspected that someday, somehow, I would be caught playing pretend all the time in my own little ways.  I was a bright and ambitious young woman, so why would I give so much of my mental energy to such frivolous pursuits?

In my first semester of graduate school, though, I learned from a Lit. Theory professor who intimidated the hell out of me that we all do this.  We’re all telling ourselves stories all the time, some of which are true and close to objective reality, some of which are more subjective to whatever fantastical (or fandom) material we last consumed.  I’ve whispered my own dialogue in the shower, but so have you whispered yours in your head (if not also out loud in your shower!).  And through this act, however it is performed, I have made those worlds part of my own.  So have you.  In this way, they are real, and I no longer feel fearful of being “found out.”  

When we have those moments of doubt, though, when we wonder whether we’re going too far, it probably stems, at least partially, from the “us v. them” divide between fandom and mainstream society.  We love our little worlds, but we also feel that twinge of anxiety that we might be bordering on obsession, that our guilty pleasure might be discovered and we will be socially punished for it, namely, as Joli Jensen writes in “Fandom as Pathology: The Consequences of Characterization,” because “the fan is characterized as (at least potentially) an obsessed loner, suffering from a disease of isolation, or a frenzied crowd member, suffering from a disease of contagion. In either case, the fan is seen as being irrational, out of control, and prey to a number of external forces” (13). According the consistent covert (and overt, at times) messages of the mainstream, “[f]andom is conceived of as a chronic attempt to compensate for a perceived personal lack of autonomy, absence of community, incomplete identity, lack of power and lack of recognition” (Jensen 17).  Yikes.  That doesn’t feel good to admit about ourselves, does it?  

Luckily, it’s bullshit.

Treating “fans” as others (outsiders, people who can’t form relationships or find fulfillment in the “real world”) “risks denigrating them in ways that are insulting and absurd” (Jensen 25).  Those who take this stance, who see fans as victims of hysteria or desperate loners, do so in order to “develop and defend a self-serving moral landscape.  That terrain cultivates in us a dishonorable moral stance of superiority, because it makes other into examples of extrinsic forces, while implying that we [members solely of the mainstream] somehow remain pure, autonomous, ad unafflicted” (Jensen 25).  In short, that us/them thinking just makes people feel better about themselves by pointing out an easily-identifiable “other.”

 I have also grappled with the concept of parasocial affection, particularly with R&L.  I was well into writing my first Rhink fic when the thought crossed my mind, “Oh my god, what if I actually met these people someday?  How would I look them in the eye?  I’d feel like a crazy person (again)!”  From the safety of the Midwest, I laughed off the thought.  And then a year or so later, they were announcing their first tour. And I was still writing, here and there, still deep in my affection for them, sometimes wrestling with the thought that I’ve devoted so much energy to people who would never know I exist.  

It doesn’t matter that the attachment was in the most obvious, tangible ways only one-sided.  As an adult who is ever-learning how to navigate the worlds of her own creation and the ones over which she has far less control, I view my intense attachment to characters both real and fictional with deep fondness.   And while I may not receive affection or attention directly from the sources (R&L, fictional characters, sports teams, who/whatever we build fandoms around), I am still earning some very real rewards for my involvement: Because of them, I found my way to a participatory culture in which I was supported and encouraged to express my creativity.  This gave me the push and interest that I needed to hone skills that have not only made me a better writer, but also a better teacher and mentor.  With fandom comes the ability to immediately strike up a conversation over shared interests. With fandom comes a sense of belonging in what we have proven is an awfully divisive world.  

Right now, I’m consuming far less fandom-related material than I did a few years ago.  I don’t really watch GMM anymore and I’m on a break from Ear Biscuits (though I still love it), Gotham ended over a year ago and I’m not in the habit of reading fics right now, and I can’t yet play the remade Final Fantasy 7, so that’s out for me, too (though I know I will fall deep into that well once the game is in my hot little hands).  This all happened by itself.  I never consciously moved away from these sources; I just floated on to other interests and other levels of interest, knowing that if and when I wanted to dig back in, I could always come back.  

I used to feel quite sad at the thought of someday “moving on” from these intense interests.  I couldn’t fathom somehow falling out of love with those bands, actors, or video games.  But for me, the transition into wherever I am now has not been painful in the least.  I’m glad I knew the intensity that I did, and I’m happy with the distance I have now. And there’s a good chance I’ll be fanatic about something else someday.  I’m looking forward to it!

 Here are some responses that I couldn’t organically fit into my essay:

Yes, you can call me Wolfie if you’d like.  That name started with @missingparentheses (her second appearance in this answer!), and quickly became a reminder to not take myself too seriously.  

Second, I don’t think I know any other Type 5s!  I’m a type 8. 

Also, here’s my MLA formatted citation for the Jensen source:

Jensen, Joli. “Fandom as Pathology: The Consequences of Characterization.”   The Adoring Audience: Fan Culture and Popular Media, Routledge, 1992, pp. 9-29.

[aijee]

you don’t have to send a link for parasocial relationships, i do study psychology after all! but i appreciate it (for those who don’t know please read!). i do agree that those sending any form of malicious intent to the mistranslator is just not acceptable, and also to the fact that we should be critical of out relationship/thoughts/feelings toward our idols. and i don’t think we’re able to judge people’s relationship with their idols, someone being clingy/attached to their idol doesn’t mean they’re not critical of their relationship. it’s really a mix of a person’s individual circumstance that we simply cannot judge.

i also understand that you’re not that active on the twitter side of the fandom, where most of fandom discourse often happen. but people were never mad at the translator for bringing the issue into light, they are mad for the gross mistrans and the things she added that weren’t there that just adds fuel to the flame. and how she apologized but decided to private her account for 2 weeks so the people who believed her mistrans never got to know it was false. it’s so easy to hound on people’s posts on twitter: fans who expressed relief for the clarification has been questioned, called an apologist, told to not be happy about the news, etc. i’m glad that tumblr allows you for a more ‘personal’ relationship with your idols, but not all of us can afford that when people were sending horrible things to us. the mistranslator shouldn’t be blamed for people’s gullibility, no, but she should have been responsible for the things she put out on the internet.

our opinions don’t conflict, i just hope that i could bring another perspective, mainly those who are active on twitter. i have moved on, and we should encourage this who haven’t to do so as well. but this did hurt a lot of people, some deeper than others, and i don’t think holding resentment for the original translator is fundamentally a bad thing. i keep in mind those who feels as though what once was a source of happiness for them has bern ruined, those who have been run off from the internet with hate for being critical of the original mistranslation, those who had their traumas resurface due to the mistranslation. hope you’re staying safe as well, aijee.

Entirely fair, anon. I agree with and understand all your points. I want to emphasize that my critiques are not widely-encompassing of Carats, only a subset and, in a slightly broader sense, the actions/words of some but not necessarily the fans themselves. I’m not undermining the trauma or hurt experienced, if that’s how I came off; I’m raising my eyebrows at the unnecessary cruelty, thoughtlessness of some responses, and quick disregard of victim stories by some fans in defense of the idols in question (the resentment towards the mistranslator was a given in my head, honestly, that I didn’t feel the need to repeat it).

Separately from the mistranslation, separately from concerns about Korea’s sociocultural system and poor handle of classroom relationships, my concern goes beyond the boys/fandom and towards those who dedicate themselves so much to these parasocial interactions that they’ve lost touch with reality and empathy for potential abuse victims. Within a fandom, there are pockets that exemplify the thin line between dedication to our faves and putting them on a pedestal.

What really grates me I think is Internet culture in general, how quickly people jump to conclusions and judge others for information that is trusted too quickly, how quickly malicious activity (like that of this mistranslator) can spread and how ingrained the lives/professions of idols are in a volatile environment.

II’m really sorry that you and other Carats have been subject to what sounds like awful behavior from others; that is NOT okay, and you all have been hurt from not only the mistranslator, but everyone who was quick to jump on the hate train. It might not mean much, but I’m a strong proponent of karma, and I hope these hate-spreaders take accountability and reflect. You all are very strong for being able to push through that shit while standing your ground in your social media spaces. 

Another point I was trying to make previously was that processing the resentment and hurt is fully valid, but continuing to fuel it is not healthy. Again, I can only really speak for myself in saying that; it’s very easy for me to wallow in my anger and bitterness towards people who hurt me or my loved ones because there’s a self-validation in doing so. But it’s in gradually shifting my energy to rebuilding what’s been broken down that I and those loved ones have started finding peace. I practice the principle “What happened, happened. So what do I do next?” I understand that that doesn’t work for everyone. Grain of salt and all that.

Thank you for all the input. Despite the difficult topics at hand, it’s been a riveting conversation, especially with more input from what’s going on in the Twittersphere; there’s only so much I can see on my brief visits through my friends. On a slightly different note, I just wanted to say that I think it’s super cool that you’re studying psychology. It’s such an interesting subject! If I wasn’t so far into a different major by the time I took my first psych class, I probably would’ve majored in psychology as well. But it’s also a major that requires...so much...investment...at least at my uni lol.

[alienheartattack]

2, 8, 10, 13, 31, 34, please (tho I know that's a lot, lol, sorry)

Oh no, an excuse to talk about myself. Well, anon, if you insist. (Thank you for giving me an excuse to ramble about myself.)

2. if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

I wish I was less lazy and more disciplined. The fact that I get anything done is a fucking miracle. (Having depression and the crushing demands of late capitalism certainly don't help, but I could also be doing more for myself.)

8. what color do you think goes best with your personality?

A therapist once told me that red was my "power color" so I'm gonna go with that. I'm an Aries and I've got a ton of Mars/other fire elements in my various horoscopes, plus I've got kind of a fiery personality. Maybe a darker red, like a wine color, because I am also very into lounging and not doing shit.

10. what do you wish you hated, but actually like?

THIS FUCKING MANGA. (J/k. Sort of. I don't know anymore.)

You know what I actually wish I hated? Dairy products. I'm moderately lactose intolerant and I cannot quit cheese, and I will keep eating it and getting sick because dairy is delicious and I am weak. (I've managed to quit milk completely, if only because it makes me violently ill. I can tolerate cheese to an extent.)

13. talk about an au or story you came up with

I'm currently writing a novel, but I want to talk about the novel I came up with while writing the novel. So the romantic lead in my current WIP is based on a specific actor, which led me to think about how absolutely fucking mortified I'd be if my book ever got published and got big enough that I'd have any reason to meet this guy. So that led me to the idea of, what happens when an actor meets his biggest fan and she absolutely does not want to meet him?

I'm still writing down ideas and getting to know the characters, but so far it involves Shay, a woman who's grieving the loss of her mother after a long battle with cancer and the estrangement of her siblings due to hurt feelings about their mom's will. (Their father passed when they were all young.) Shay decides to get involved in her town's drama festival that summer to give her something to do and to try to get her back in the swing of socializing again, since she spent the past few years taking care of her mother during her illness.

Shay is excited to take a step into a new life until she finds out that the drama festival's big get this year is Nicholas Byrd, a character actor who's extremely talented and has had a steady career, but has never really had his big breakthrough. Shay just happens to be one of his biggest fans; she runs his fansite along with one other friend. In fact, her only friends are the people she met online through fandom, and they all help work on this site and its associated social media. She decided years ago that she was not going to try to meet Nick because even though she's infatuated with him, she's terrified of making a fool of herself in front of him and she doesn't want to find out that he's an asshole in real life. She recognizes that his work imprinted on her in a stressful and vulnerable time in her life and tries to indulge her obsession in a healthy way, but her work with the drama festival, her growing friendship with Nick, and the tension it's causing among her fandom friend group is turning her life upside down.

It's a romance so they're going to fall in love, obvs. Nick is going through an existential crisis because he feels torn between his love of acting and his desire for recognition for his work, because he busts his ass and is genuinely talented, but ends up getting killed off in half the roles he takes or is overshadowed by bigger names. He took this drama festival gig because it seemed like something simple and easy to get him back to his love of the craft of acting, but the longer he stays, the more he finds himself making excuses to hang around Shay. (There's also a subplot about how he's a huge animal lover and thinks her dog is the cutest thing in the world.)

I'm excited to work on this story because I really want to dig into the idea of parasocial relationships, healthy and unhealthy expressions of fandom, and how we form connections with others. Shay's closest friend turns out to be a toxic fan who gets upset and possessive as she gets closer to Nick, and Nick has had his own run-ins with this fan in the past. I'm also excited to dig into Shay's feelings of isolation and grief and trying to reemerge into the world, which I'm only now realizing is a parallel for the end of the pandemic.

I'm like 70% done the massive first draft of my novel so hopefully I'll get to write this story sometime next year!

31. how easy is it for you to be honest?

Pretty easy! If anything, I overshare or tell the full truth instead of doing the tactful white lie thing. (I have since gotten better at that; sometimes it is just better socially to be nice rather than brutally honest.)

34. what food do you binge on when you’re lazy?

I am blessed to live in a neighborhood with a large Mexican population and amazing food. I will shove nachos into my face at the drop of a hat, though lately I've been crushing quesabirria and consomme from the taqueria around the corner (see above re: me being weak for cheese).

If you’d like to ask me more questions, here’s the post!

[aijee]

for once i have to disagree with you. the damage the initial translation has done will be irreparable, is irreparable. people are still labelling mg as an assaulter/abuser/r*pist, etc. things he weren’t, things he aren’t. the fact that she also added things that weren’t even the original post is also something you cannot ignore: a sign of the translator having a dislike towards mg in the first place, along with other proofs in her old tweets. i agree with not sending hate in any form, but don’t blame people for harboring negative feelings for the translator, especially those who didn’t take her words as the truth in the first place and decided to be more critical.

TW: abuse, sexual assault, threats

Hi anon, your reasoning is very fair. The consequences of the mistranslator’s actions will echo for a long time, especially considering how entrenched K-Pop culture is in Internet culture at this point. Mingyu, Seventeen, and his team will continue to be affected by this person’s actions, which, as you mentioned, held ill intent. There’s a part of me that honestly continues to feel bitter it happened at all. Fans are fully justified in being critical of the mistranslator. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been critical of being critical, which itself requires a level-headedness and broad consideration of context alongside the parties involved. I’ve been critical of extreme reactions of extremely overprotective fans of a K-Pop idol they don’t know personally.

The reason why I’ve held back on criticizing the mistransator is that (1) I don’t want to beat a dead horse with a million spotlights on it, my criticism aligns with many already; (2) I still believe that the gullibility of netizens is not the fault of the mistranslator, that is a consequence of Internet culture, clickbait titles, and existing haters who latch onto anything to be hateful; (3) my support and love for Mingyu/SVT is very personal and not contingent on interacting with Internet communities. The last point essentially means that I minimally consume fandom content and prefer what is released by the boys or Pledis. What matters to me is my relationship with the boys, not others’ relationships. I know the former is not in a vacuum, the boys are impacted by others. But at this point, I simply do not have the energy or mental bandwidth to argue with a username. That’s their prerogative to be hateful. I’d rather help in rebuilding what has been damaged with positivity than fight anger with more anger; a broken building won’t be repaired by breaking it down even more.

Something to consider is that my opinions and your opinions don’t necessarily conflict, in the same way siding with the victim(s) doesn’t conflict with believing in Mingyu’s innocence. We both agree that being intentionally and excessively malicious towards the mistranslator is not acceptable; death threats, wishing bad health outcomes, demonizing, etc. Again, those types of people are who I’m being critical about—individuals who are choosing to fuel their hate disguised as care for the sake of the target of an ultimately parasocial relationship (link to the definition enclosed). Caring for an idol is valid, because they are very much human, too; don’t misunderstand, I am also concerned about how Mingyu is doing. But I think it’s important to deconstruct why we feel so strongly about them, and how much that empowers us to act or behave in certain ways.

Would we be this defensive if the accused was not an idol we love so much or feel so close to? Are we being protective because our internal reality can’t possibly associate squeaky-clean Mingyu with such serious accusations? How much would our emotions/opinions change to these questions if Mingyu’s name was replaced with a different name?

As someone who has been, frankly, abused by someone whom I saw as trustworthy, kind, couldn’t possibly hurt me—I tend to be wary of fans’ reflex protectiveness of public figures as a whole, not just idols. To be clear, this is NOT an accusation of Mingyu whatsoever. But as a very general statement, an abuser can literally be anyone. Blind, immediate trust in fans towards their faves undermines the journeys of real victims who are seeking justice (just like fabricated stories of abuse—again, it’s not a black-or-white, either-or thing. The world is not compartmentalized. It’s messy and complicated).

Thank you for pushing back against my statements in a civil manner. You’re welcome to still disagree. I will say that, at this point, I’m putting the situation behind me. I’ve felt the resentment against the mistranslator, deconstructed it and analyzed the situation in my own time, and decided to move on instead of dwelling in the negativity. Something my therapist told me was “Continuing to interact with toxicity will continue to make you feel sick. If you want to feel better, step away from what’s poisoning you.” 

But I know everything above accounts for me/how I feel and not necessarily you or anyone else, so take what I write with a grain of salt. Always. This is my blog, after all! I hope you’re safe, healthy, and taking care of yourself, anon.