#once again you have to listen to crush by ethel cain to Get It

[ofthecaravel]

I'd Rather Be With You

Sequel to But You Look So Cool

Summary: Happy (????) Holidays!

Tags: Being home with your family for the holidays, The Twins conspiring, shame, doubt, arguing, Danny being a saint, NSFW at the very very end for like 2 secs

Words: 3k

A/N: Itty bitty holiday sequel to my most beloved! Wanted to touch more on Sam's family dynamic and what they've been up to since we left them. Thanks for reading MWAH

~~~

“Oh, my God, you were serious.”

“Did you think I was lying?”

“I mean, a little! Can you blame me?”

The Kiszka twins -home for the holidays, clutching wine glasses, and peeking around a doorway- were struggling to understand just what they were seeing. Not only had Sam brought someone home for Christmas (which is something they had never, ever expected from him, at least not in the state he’d been in for the past couple of years), but he had brought Danny Wagner. Danny fuckin’ Wagner, who stuck out in their collective consciousness for being a consistent presence during their Sunday school days and very briefly being the solitary member of their high school’s golf team. A nice, well adjusted boy with a nice, well adjusted family that he could easily be spending a much merrier Christmas Eve with. But here he was, laughing in the quiet living room of the Kiszka household and going through a photo album with Sam and their sister.  

“Crazy,” Jake murmured into a sip of his wine, shaking his head slightly as Josh nodded thoughtfully next to him. 

“It’s not like I’m mad he’s here,” Josh added, his eyebrows still high in surprise. “It’s just funny to see him next to Sam.”

They did admittedly look a little out of place nestled shoulder to shoulder. Danny’s smiling face was aglow with a wine drunk blush, snuggled up in a well fitting blue sweater and his hair tucked dotingly behind his ear. Sam, on the other hand, had his knees clad in oil stained mechanics pants and pulled up to his chin, looking not unlike an anxious pretzel as he chewed on his thumb and rested his head on Danny’s shoulder. 

“He pierced his ears,” Josh noted as he wiped some crumbs off the chest of his sweater. “Ya think Sam had something to do with that?”

“Definitely,” Jake smiled, his lips still stuck to the lip of his glass. “He probably did it for him. He’s gonna corrupt that sweet kid. Poor guy.”

“He’s been doing better,” Josh argued on behalf of his baby brother. “He’s got a job and his own place now. I swear Mom was gonna start charging him rent.”

“She would never,” Jake hummed, tuning in to the sound of their mother in the kitchen, talking to someone on the phone as dishes clinked in the sink. “He could crash the car into the house and she’d forgive him.”

“I guess the standards have been set pretty low,” Josh mumbled. Jake sighed a little and Josh cringed at his own words, slotting another cookie into his mouth and pulling out his phone.

He’d meant it as a joke, but it was still weird to even allude to everything that had gone down with their dad. It was hard to ignore, mostly when they were all together. It made it all the more obvious that someone was missing from the equation. Sure, he was a phone call away, but none of the siblings really wanted to talk to him. The twins were already graduating when their dad had been arrested, and they quickly escaped the immediate fallout with the titles of valedictorian, salutatorian, and two full ride scholarships that they rode the hell out of town. Ronnie had escaped into time with their mom and a myriad of friends to disappear in. And Sam…Sam had found his escape in means that only added to the fallout of the situation. 

So, yeah. The joke didn’t land. 

Especially during December. The family that used to fill their house simply didn’t bother to come by anymore, leaving only the immediate family to desperately try and revive a festive cheer that none of them really believed in anymore. Sam had barely attended the past few gatherings, and Jake and Josh had skipped them altogether under the pretense of their busy lives and jobs in Detroit. So imagine the oddity of having someone know all of the tension that would come with their awful little Christmas party and deciding to come anyway. 

“It’s just weird, dude,” Jake said plainly, finishing off his drink and setting it down loudly. “Kinda thought we’d be the ones bringing people home to try and fill the silence.”

“He’s making us look bad,” Josh chuckled, making a fond noise in response to seeing Danny give Sam a quick kiss to the forehead. “Look at that! What witchcraft has he been cooking up in his shitty little basement to swing that?”

“Love potions,” Jake responded in a silly voice and they both erupted into harmonizing giggles. 

The three on the couch looked up in confusion at them, which only made them laugh harder. Sam bristled instantly and Danny turned to see his eyes flicker with insecurity before glazing into a cold glinting squint.

“Shut the fuck up!” Sam barked, immediately (and correctly) assuming they were laughing at his expense.

“Sam!” their mom yelled from the kitchen, and Sam immediately closed his mouth and continued to glare stormily at his snorting brothers. 

“What’s funny?” Danny asked innocently, applying a gentle pressure to Sam’s shoulder with his own to try and calm him a little. Sam had been touchy for days leading up to this and Danny was honestly running out of ideas on how to soothe him.

“Nothing, nothing,” Jake said coolly, turning his back on them to return a bottle to their bar cart.

“He’s drunk,” Josh accused teasingly, exchanging an amused look with Danny that made Danny ease up ever so slightly.

“He’s an idiot,” Ronnie quipped, which Sam passionately nodded in agreement with. 

“You’re an idiot,” Jake retorted, his words carrying no bite as he and his sister traded mocking faces at each other while Danny watched with a shy smile. While the bickering continued, he looked over at Sam and melted a little at the sight. Around his siblings, Sam seemed smaller and softer than when he was trying to put on a suave front when he was on his own. Danny had obviously seen through that facade over a year ago, but Sam still attempted to carry himself with that same edge that Danny had fallen for but never really bought. However, in his childhood home surrounded by family and the ghosts of dynamics established long ago, there was no hiding for Sam. He was a little boy in a leather jacket being picked on lovingly by his big brothers and sister, and while Danny knew that Sam was going to be annoyed for the rest of the night, he really couldn’t help but find the whole scene adorable. 

“Danny is very tired and we are going to bed!” Sam finally shouted over his jabbering siblings, holding onto Danny’s arm and tugging to try and get him to his feet. 

“Aw, lame, Sam, come on!” Jake cackled while Danny gave Sam a look of confusion and amusement as they both stood up. “We were all gonna stay up until midnight and throw rocks at Santa’s sleigh.”

“I thought we were seducing him,” Josh complained, clearly much more into his idea. 

“Well, give him my number, then,” Sam countered. “Or throw a rock in my honor. I can’t be around you assholes for a minute longer.”

“That’s not very festive of you, Sammy,” Ronnie frowned, pulling on his sleeve as Sam attempted to shuffle Danny across the room almost as if he were a human shield. “Come on, stay.”

“I really am tired,” Danny said with remorse, giving all of Sam’s siblings a sincerely sympathetic smile. “But we’ll be up bright and early for presents, I promise.”

“You’re the sweetest, Danny,” Jake replied, clapping Danny on the back as they passed. “Don’t know why you bother with this street urchin.”

Sam rolled his eyes but Danny felt the genuine shiver of irritation from him as Josh and Ronnie hummed similar sentiments about Danny and Sam being…Danny and Sam.  

“Goodnight, you guys,” Danny bid them, giving a little wave as Sam practically dragged him up the stairs. 

--

They had all tossed him enthusiastic and properly festive goodnights as he chuckled and let himself get pulled along by Sam, who let out a frustrated sigh the second they were out of earshot. Danny only got a moment of appreciating the cute, vintage wallpaper of the hallway and the childhood photos hung up before Sam pulled him into his old bedroom and closed the door noisily behind them. Sam immediately collapsed face first into his pillow and let out a muffled groan while Danny cracked his neck and did a little perimeter walk of the room. He ghosted his fingers over posters ripped haphazardly out of magazines and Scotch taped to the wall and sun bleached science fair ribbons. Sam let out another noisy sigh while Danny continued to dote on every tchotchke and think with red cheeks about another time he’d surveyed Sam’s room while Sam vied for his attention. 

“They only razz you because they love you, baby,” Danny hummed, finally turning away from the sweetly dorky photos of Sam and his school peers to smile at Sam sprawled dramatically on his twin bed. 

“I wish they would do it in a way that didn’t remind me I’m such a fantastic fuck up,” Sam spat bitterly, flipping so he was staring up at the ceiling. His eyes were flat and dark in the way that Danny had seen for so many years and his heart fluttered sadly as he sat on the edge of the bed and put a reassuring hand on Sam’s cheek. Sam immediately let out a little huff and nuzzled against his palm.

“You’re really warm,” Danny noted simply as he felt the heat brewing on Sam’s skin.

“Yeah, ‘cause I’m fucking pissed off,” Sam muttered, rolling his eyes dismissively and shaking his head slightly as he stared at the wall and allowed Danny to swipe his thumb over his cheek and smooth his hair.

“You’re not a fuck up, Sam. I hate hearing you say that,” Danny assured Sam, using every ounce of sincerity in his body when he said it. Sam didn’t answer, simply continuing to chew on his lip and petulantly avoid eye contact. 

“Hey, can you look at me when I’m talking to you?” Danny asked sternly.

“Can you stop pretending like I’m some pathetic wimp fishing for a compliment?” Sam snapped, pulling Danny’s hand off of his face and rearranging himself again to stare into the expanse of the room. Danny recoiled slightly, unable to fend off the sting of Sam rejecting his kindness. But after a year of learning how to navigate Sam’s many tantrums and categorizing the roots of the meltdowns, he knew that Sam didn’t mean to hurt him. He never did. 

“Sammy,” Danny said softly, moving further onto the bed and tucking his feet under Sam’s legs. “I know you were really hesitant to come and do this at all.”

“They just make me so mad,” Sam whispered. “There’s just, like, this hole whenever we’re all together. Dad, I mean. His stupid choices and then, you know, my stupid choices. I don’t…I don’t want to be another empty space for them. And I feel like no matter what I do, I’m gonna be that.”

Danny couldn’t stand to give Sam his space for a second longer. He lowered himself to lay behind Sam and Sam immediately turned and buried his head into the crook of Danny’s neck, the both of them awkwardly entangling to keep Sam as close as possible to Danny’s chest while they clung together. There weren’t any tears from Sam, but Danny could feel the shudder in his thin chest as he fought to even out his breathing and calm down.

“And then,” Sam continued weakly, his voice high with emotion as he stumbled over his words frantically. “They’re giving me all that shit about how great you are and how you don’t belong with me. Like I don’t already know that. Fuck, Danny, I’m sorry but I agree with them. You deserve so much better than me and my-”

“Sam-”

“I’m serious, I swear I’m just waiting for you to wake up and realize I’m an asshole with-”

“Sam.” 

Sam, ever the obedient listener even in the midst of a full blown rant, cut himself off with a ragged exhale and pressed his mouth against Danny’s neck to silence himself. Danny held the back of his head and rested his lips right next to Sam’s ear, resisting the urge to nip his earlobe like he usually did when he was this close. 

“Sam,” Danny whispered, soft and smooth and steady. “You know I love you. You know I hate hearing you talk about yourself like this. I know you’ve had a lot of trouble coping with everything since your dad went away, and I know you made a lot of choices that you’re not proud of. But, I mean, you were a kid. A really hurt kid. And you’ve been trying so hard to change from the person you were and frankly, I can hardly believe you can’t see how much you’ve grown in this past year alone. You’re amazing.”

Sam sniffled slightly and burrowed up further against Danny. Danny smiled, his mind fuzzy with fondness as he thought about every instance that proved his own point. Sam, who quietly leafed through self help books rented from the library and wrote down all the tips and tricks he could because he was so determined to stop picking fights with anyone and everyone. Sam, who taught himself to cook with nothing but the cooking channel and the goal of having a new dish for Danny to try every week. Sam, who had worked infuriating shifts at the mechanics to pay for the lovingly hand picked presents for his family that now lay under the tree downstairs. Sam, who Danny loved more than anything.

“You should be with a good man,” Sam breathed, barely audible. “You’re gonna die wishing you hadn’t wasted so much time on me.”

“Good men die too,” Danny replied with a disbelieving laugh. “I’d rather be with you.”

Danny felt Sam’s lips smile slightly against his skin and he kissed his temple, still gently cupping the back of his silken head as his other hand absently doodled soothing shapes on the considerable curve of Sam’s back. If his hand dipped any lower, he’d be tracing the inky wings of the lower back tattoo Sam had surprised him with a few months back. Danny’s cheeks burned thinking about it for a moment too long and he channeled the warmth into pressing more kisses against Sam’s hair.

After a few minutes of silence, Sam pulled away just enough to look up at Danny through his starry lashes and give him a lovelorn smile. 

“Thank you,” Sam whispered sincerely, tucking a frizzy wave behind Danny’s ear with his deft calloused fingers. “I’m sorry for spinning out on you.”

“Family makes everybody crazy,” Danny shrugged, reaching up between them to lightly hold Sam’s chin with his thumb and forefinger. “And you never have to apologize. I’m happy to help.”

Danny tried and failed to smother his smile watching Sam’s pupils blow wide with affection as Danny kept a hold on his jaw. 

“I love you, Sammy,” Danny purred, teasingly brushing his nose against Sam’s. “And for the record, I have never once thought you were bad. You’re actually very, very good.”

“How good?” Sam asked bashfully, his lips parting to let out a shaky smiling breath as he playfully pressed his finger against Danny’s lip. If there was one thing Sam loved, it was hearing mountains and mountains of praise from Danny. And with all things considered, Danny figured he was owed it in.

“So good,” Danny grinned, tapping Sam’s nose. “You’ve always been so good for me, Sammy, right from the start. Such a good listener especially. So gentle and kind and nothing but good. And so, so pretty.”

“Now you’re just buttering me up,” Sam murmured with flushed cheeks, still staring unabashedly at Danny’s lips.

“I’m serious,” Danny rasped, his hand moving to properly cup Sam’s jaw with his fingers pressed right behind his ear. “If I had known how well you take direction, I probably would’ve started bossing you around a lot sooner.”

Sam’s eyes widened slightly and Danny knew he was teetering on the edge of falling deep into a sweet, needy headspace that he’d initially been shocked to uncover. But these days? He counted on it. 

“You want me to boss you around a little, baby?” Danny asked gently. “Do you want to forget your hard night and let me do the thinking for a little bit? And then you can wake up nice and happy on Christmas morning and open all the presents I got you. Does that sound good?”

“Yeah,” Sam breathed desperately. “Please.” 

Despite his impatience, he always knew what Danny wanted to hear from him.

“I didn’t even have to ask you to say please,” Danny delighted, finally giving Sam a kiss but pulling away far too quickly to whisper again. “You’re gonna have to be quiet, okay? I know that’s not your strong suit but we can’t have anyone hearing all your cute little noises.”

Sam nodded eagerly and, with both hands firmly planted on the sides of Danny’s head, pulled Danny into a much longer kiss that had Danny readjusting to pin Sam under him. Under any normal circumstance, Danny would’ve had Sam by the throat for grabbing him the way he did. He would’ve had him on his knees until there were tears in his eyes showing Danny how sorry he was for getting handsy without asking Danny first. But maybe Danny was feeling the holiday spirit a little more than usual and decided to show Sam some mercy. He’d bring it up later after Sam had the nice, black necktie Danny had gifted him as an early present wrapped around his wrists. 

“Love you,” Sam murmured dreamily against Danny’s lips as Danny put his weight on his knees and began moving his hands up to smooth over Sam’s chest and play with his waistband.

“Love you too,” Danny echoed with a mischievous smile. 

He didn’t give the chance for Sam to speak again before his palm muffled Sam’s chatty mouth and stifled his growls and whines until the first rose flush of dawn stretched over the newfallen snow and the lovesick boys tangled in a creaky little bed.

--

[belovedbow]

Ships and Songs! thank you @zozo-01 for tagging me lolol 💗💗💗💗

these are less of my ultimate ships and more, I think these songs represent the ship very well. they're also mostly tinged with angst cuz apparently that's what my playlists are made of.

Lovely/Vincent

And how could you ever conceive

How much I need you, how truly barren I can be?

A song I imagine from Vincent's POV where he's grappling with his self imposed guilt for Lovely's circumstance and his growing love for them.

Cutie/Geordi

Hope I get one more chance Hope I get one more call I only know what's good once I have lost it all

Cutie ofc, but I also think the back and forth singing is reminiscent of how telepathy is shown in their videos.

Starlight/Avior

I've been dreaming that you love me when the fighting Love me when the fighting's done Oh, my love Don´t cry, love I believe in us

Avior and Starlight hoping for the future! It works pre amnesia, but where we currently are in their story the "I believe in us" hits different.

Friend/Blake

Couldn’t fight to save your lifе but you look so cool Camo jacket robbing corner stores Hard odds to bеat when you’re on all fours Good men die too so I’d rather be with you

A bit of a wild card and more into headcanon territory. I believe Blake was always a problem child but Friend (lol when are they getting a proper name) overlooked his behaviour because they only had each other up until he vanished and why they welcomed him back despite the red flags. I don't really ship it in a way that I want them together, but I think they already more or less belong to one another.

Darlin/Sam

Just because I feel the devil in your bed don't mean it's you When you winced and turned your head and wept, that's when I knew ... I wanna be the one who kills the man who hurt you, darling

I already posted this one before, but it's too perfect how could I not share it again especially cuz works coming from either of them.

bonus:

Darlin/Quinn

You know that I could have Loved you with my bare hands You know that I could have Killed you with my bare hands

...

Love you, I do, I do, love you How could you?

Self explanatory but works perfectly for my version of them. I don't want it to be confirmed they were actually together cuz I like Darlin feeling this onesided intensity to Quinn who basks in it but doesn't reciprocate until they fight back.

This shorter than I thought it would be and took longer than I thought would so if you listened and got to the end mwah ilu

[colorisbyshe]

I really love Mitski, Wsshing Machine Heart and Nobody are very special to me :3. I also really love Strawberry Blonde & Me and my husband. I enjoy Conan Grey a lot, Comfort crowd is one of my faves. I also like Space Girl, by Frances Forever, Say so by Doja Cat. I also LOVE Do It by Chloe x Halle. Way Down by MØ. Also Janelle Monae.

A lot of the music on my playlists are very 'soft' and im looking for something harder, and I'm not really sure how to describe it. I did hear a BT/S song and liked the general vibe, but i dislike the band bc ive heard theyre very antiblack, but i do like what I heard so far so im pretty interested in kpop as a genre :)

Okay so some of this music I had to listen to for the first time, but I got you. Sort of. I'm taking all of this music into consideration at once because you cast a fairly broad net and I don't want to get too bogged odwn in going X Song of Mine = Y Song of yours.

I just scrolled through all my music by artist so uh

this got long

i;m sorry

Physical by The Aces, kinda poppier than you listed but still some gay girls making some indie pop-rockish music

Maybe try Runner by Alex G. I haven't listened to much Conan Grey so maybe I thought of this song when you mentioned him

Start It Up by Alex Mali, very sliick R&B with ethereal vocals. Check out the rest of this EP, tbh

Lovergirl by Andrea Valle is a bit more wavey but I think if you like Chloe X Halle this is... adjacent to that that but a bit more experimental

Lark by Au Revoir Simone has some of that sad girl crying on a synth vibe

Un Village by Baekhyun is Kpop, is both hard and soft, but has a focus on vocals that i see across your music taste

Maybe Fire Escape by Beach Bunny?

Actually I'm going through my music alphabetically and let me say if you like Chloe X Halle please listen to like... all of Beyonce's discography. She is like... the OG. I give you no specific song... just... explore, enjoy

Motospeed 24 by Bibi--she's kpop but more R&B inspired and has a lot of that vocal work I think you'll like. She can get dark and gritty

Your Light by The Big Moon, kinda poppy, kinda guitary. Pleasant

Luna by Bombay Bicycle Club--something you're less likely to stumble on as it's a bit older but it has the kinda poppy, indie rocky sound. This one is more of a reach

Forgive Me by Boa. I wanted to put Boa somewhere,because she's essential kpop me, and this is her song that feels the most "hard" BTS to me. Not a track that's indicative of most of her discography though

Just... all Bree Runway. Start with Somebody like You or All Night, which are more immediately in your wheel house

Western Wind by Carly Rae Jepsen, listen to the entire album this is from

Welcome to my Island by Caroline Polachek

HWA by CL is a bit harder kpop. Is dancier than previous kpop listing on this track

Stressed by Doechii, again more of the R&B stuff but she's GOOD. If you like this, also check out Persuasive

BOCA by Dreamcatcher, they do a lot of "harder" kpop but also have softer vocals as contrast.

An obviously Mitski-adjacent rec is Crush by Ethel Cain

Alternative to BTS: Exo!!! IDK what BTS song you liked, so it's hard to give direct alternaives but try: Monster, Tempo, The Eve, and I think Overdose is essential listening for them

I already forgot what the Conan Grey song you linked to sounded like, which makes this a bad rec based off it, but try back again by flor

MØ did a song with foster the people (blur, good song). Foster the people is one of my fave bands. None sound quite like way down but maybe try Pick U Up. Sit Next to Me is one of their song with the widest general appeal.

Undo by Heize. More kpop that isn't hard but I think based off your interest in Chloe x Halle... AND Doja Cat... thi sis a good middle place

Layin Low by Hyolyn. Sounds more like western R&B but... kpop

Be Mine by Infinite. NGL this has nothing to do with any of your songs, I just think it's essential kpop. The Chaser might be a closer BTS alternative

If you like Janelle Monae, make sure you don't miss her collab with Jidenna "Yoga." Telling a man to bend over... yes Janelle I love you

More by K/DA is a bit "harder"

Come In by Kai, I think based on your Conan Grey + Kpop interest, this might hit for you

Red Moon by KARD is a bit harder kpop, they have harder tracks but the instrumental here (and in a lot of their songs) has connective tissue with the song way down you mentioned

IDK what BTS song you listened to, so, again, Gasoline by Key is maybe the song I could more easily correlate with them. But Key is an eSSENTIAL kpop listen, so if you don't like this track, try others! Throw a dart at any track, it's good

This is a shot in the dar... by try Bedroom Eyes by The Knocks & The STudio Killers. Or look into any of The Knocks collabs with foster the people like their collab "ride or die"

LUNA from f(x) did a cover of "Say So" but her best song is "Free Somebody" which doesn't sound much like say so but give it a shot!

I feel like if you haven't heard much music, you probs don't know Marina, which is PROBABLY for the best, btu she was like... filling the void Mitski would later fill. Her older stuff is good. I am not a robot might be a nice place to start.

Another shot in the dark... try River by Mattis

All In by Monsta X is harder kpop and reminds me of what older BTS aspired to be. Try Shine Forever and Miss You a well

This is ALSO out of left field... try Heaven's Only Wishful by Mormor. Softer and different than the music you posted, but I think it's on the periphery of your taste and amybe you'll want to explore

Dark Doo Wop by MS MR comes to mind when I think of Mitski and idk why. Try it out

Listen to Come by Namie Amuro. It's jpop and it doesn't SOUND like say so but I think it taps into some of the asme energy.

This is Why by Paramore. Jump into Paramore's new album and celebrate with us all as it comes out soon!

Going by the MO inclusion, try out PVRIS. Just try a song or two from each album. Maybe start with Death of Me.

1-800-MLKYWAY by Rakiyah. She also has more Korean heavy tracks liek Like You or The Invitation.

I can't think of what Red Velvet track to rec to you just know that they are the pinnacle of kpop to me

One on 5 by Rico Nasty. Don't know why the way down track makes me think of htis but here we are

Same for Red Velvet: I think of Shinee as some of hte best kpop has to offer. Don't Call Me might be the most BTS-adjacent but isn't the best they have by a long shot. Listen to their song "View" and if you like that, I can rec you more

Listen to Jopping by SuperM i fyou want to be up to date on Kpop Memes because this one never dies but I prefer theri song I can't Stand the Rain

Idea by Taemin (a member of both Shinee and SuperM) goes pretty hard

If you liked the Tiger Woods track I mentioned in the last ask before, also try Mean Girls by her

Naturally by Tinashe, her entire 333 album really

im just rly into no one does from love by tove lo rn, check it out

you'll run into a lot of twice songs if you get into kpop, get loud is one of my fave less common ones

Scentist by Vixx is better than most BTS songs. Error is great too.

Try the WOnder Girl's album "Reboot." I have a suspicion about this

and i went overboard but i think that's it. i got distracted a lot doing this sorry

[groovesnjams]

GROOVES n jamsS.O.T.Y. 2021 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 27 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

“Crush” by Ethel Cain

MG:

Lately, my husband has started putting on this show called Chicago Party Aunt to play in the background while we fall asleep. I wouldn’t recommend it, necessarily, but as someone who grew up here and never left, the specificity is incredible. It’s hard to explain trying to get laid at Ribfest, much less why that scenario is funnier than trying to get laid at any other carnival, but Chicago Party Aunt lets it bleed and, I don’t know, just let me have this one weird way of living vicariously through a cartoon character I’d never want to spend time with were I granted that genie wish of once again having unfettered (but not specifically social) access to my little world.

Ethel Cain is also luxuriating in the details she couldn’t hope to explain. The only reassurance the listener gets that Cain is ok and not drowning in a world filled with the constant suggestion of casual violence and risky sex is the song’s title. It’s just a little crush, nothing to worry over. At the same time, she never directly mentions the Baptist Christianity or the swampland that heavily inform her persona -- and yet they still course through every slurred line, as inescapable as shame. “Crush” is as horrifying as it is gorgeous, and, despite currently hoping a cartoon explains how it is that a whole city knows how to double up a street without a single painted lane line, I also relate to that sixteen year old girl, sheltered by rules and restriction but protected by no one. It’s dangerous to love at all, so why not let it hurt a little?

DV:

“Crush” is constructed around a list of details and references that felt impossibly specific, until I realized that half the time Ethel Cain’s also describing people I went to college with and the other half she’s singing about The 1975′s “Robbers” from the other character’s perspective. What makes “Crush” hit so hard is Cain’s ability to take this archetype and imbue the world around it with an overwhelming emotional charge, until lines like, “Yeah right, he fucking loves me” detonate like fireworks. I like to think I’ve aged out of finding romantic nihilism compelling, but every few years it turns out I’m wrong: I don’t want “Crush” for myself, that I’m past, give me a life with no Marlboro Reds anywhere near it please. But Cain’s got me hooked from the first “you look so cool,” and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to tear myself away.