#one day tazer better be a coach

[taz19hagel38]

Practice blackhawks

[princessphilly]

Hockey Fic Exchange: Second Chance in Chicago

This is for the @hockeynetwork​ winter gift exchange. I was matched with my friend, @texanstarslove​ and it was relatively easy to give her what she wanted. 

Title: Second Chance in Chicago

Player: Jonathan Toews

Genre: Angst, smut

Word count: 6410 words

 March 2007

“Wouldja look at that? There’s the future NHL star, looking like the dork he is.”

Lizzie stuck out her tongue as Rachel announced the presence of the asshole himself, Jonathan Toews. They were all sophomores at UND but he had gotten drafted third overall by the Chicago Blackhawks last year. Hockey ruled UND so the team already had a high profile. But this year’s team looked like it would do some damage in the tournament so all eyes were really on them.

Tonight, Lizzie and her friends had decided to go to a frat party at the Beta house. It was a cold early March Thursday night but she had been in the mood to party. Unfortunately, the party had been invaded by the hockey team.

Jonathan grinned, his deep brown eyes sparkling like he had already pregamed. “Hey ladies,” he greeted before grabbing Lizzie and giving her a hug.

“Ew!”

Lizzie pushed Jonathan away. He definitely had pregamed, he smelled like good old Vladimir vodka. He was going to have a fucking hangover tomorrow.

Jonathan pouted. “I thought we were friends, Lizzie,” he exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Lizzie again

“When did you think that?”

Rachel and Bethany snickered. It was a bit of a running joke, this animosity between Lizzie and Tazer. No one quite knew how it really started except it had been a freshman year hook up that ended bad. At least, that was the rumor. Ever since, Lizzie couldn’t stand Jonathan and Jonathan did every thing possible to needle her.

Lizzie flipped her hair over her shoulder before elbowing Jonathan in the ribs. Giving him an angelic smile, she ordered, “Don’t touch me.”

Being the drunken asshole he was at the moment, Jonathan leaned down and murmured in her ear, “You didn’t say that last weekend.”

“Ugh!”

Lizzie pushed Jonathan away before stomping towards the keg. Jonathan shrugged as TJ and some of the other hockey players came in. She was able to avoid him for the rest of the night and even flirted with a couple of junior guys she hadn’t met. Of course, as soon as she went to get a breather from the hot party, Jonathan was already outside.

Shivering, Lizzie huddled close to the door, planning to ignore Toews. There had been a snowstorm the other day and there was a good ten inches of snow on the ground.  

“Supposed to snow again tomorrow.”

Lizzie let out a loud sigh. Of course, he couldn’t respect her silent plea to be left alone. “This is North Dakota. It’s always snowing.”

Turning to her left, Lizzie looked at Jonathan. For once, he didn’t have his cocky, self-assured, ‘I’m the one in complete charge’ look on his face. He looked slightly pensive and a bit unsure. “Here, have my hoodie.”

“I don’t-,” Lizzie started to say but she relented as Jonathan put his hoodie over her head, pulling it down. She was cold as fuck, shivering in just a short-sleeved shirt and her jeans. “Thank you,” she murmured.

“You’re welcome.”

They stood there for several moments, breath turning into puffs of icicles before Jonathan finally broke the ice. “Ridley, really?”

“Oh, you know him?” Lizzie tensed, UND wasn’t as big as other schools but she could at least have found someone that Jonathan didn’t already know. But then, hockey ruled here and he knew more people than her so yeah, just her fucking luck.

“He’s cool.” Jonathan shrugged, suddenly feeling nervous as fuck. It really wasn’t his area to talk, he didn’t really want to be a cock-block, but fuck it. “He’s not an asshole or anything. But we both know that’s not who you really want.”

“Oh really? Who told you what I really want?”

He hadn’t really planned to do it now; Jonathan had planned to go for it next month. But he already had told coach and his teammates that he was going pro after this season, so he might as well do it. “We have unfinished business, Elizabeth.”

Lizzie froze at Jonathan’s use of her full name.  He was the only one here at UND who ever used her full name. It brought back memories, those first weeks of spring semester of freshman year. Memories of doing things that would have had Momma reaching for her rosary and Papa yanking her out of UND to go into a convent. She bit out, “No, we don’t.”

“So, that’s why you called me last Saturday, asking me to come over after the game?”

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “I was drunk,” she very primly replied, staring at her nails. She thought to herself, ‘I need a manicure.’

“Then last weekend, you came over and you definitely weren’t drunk.”

Lizzie shrugged, pretending she didn’t hear what Jonathan said. She didn’t want to admit the truth; Jonathan made her nervous. She was 19 and every time she was with him, she felt like this could be something that could be forever. But Lizzie had plans; she was planning to go east for law school, get out of North Dakota forever. This wasn’t the time to even think of settling down with anyone, especially not with Jonathan since he was going pro. Even though, her traitorous pussy reminded her, Jonathan made her cum better than anyone else and wasn’t scared to choke, bite, or spank her unlike other guys.

Jonathan growled, of course Lizzie would be acting obtuse. He wasn’t looking to settle down or anything serious, he was just about to turn 19 and about to go to Chicago in five and a half months to start his pro career. Jonathan did really like Lizzie a lot and wouldn’t be against putting a label on what was going on. Then, Lizzie got cold feet last year and had been stringing him along for over a year. It would be nice if Lizzie actually admitted that they had something going instead of being nasty to his face but fucking with him late at night.

“Okay, since you don’t want to face reality, I’m just going to say it. It’s not fair that you like to treat me like shit in public but you want me to fuck you when no one is looking.”

Lizzie opened her mouth before closing it. From the tone of voice that Jonathan had used, it sounded harsh. Like she was using him like a whore. But Jonathan wasn’t done.

“Don’t worry about my hoodie, I’ll get it before I leave.”

Jonathan turned around and went back inside of the party. Lizzie stayed outside for several more minutes, pensive. Then she harrumphed and rejoined the party, resolute that she was going to ignore Jonathan once she gave him his hoodie back.

**

Twelve years later

Lizzie brushed her ginger hair over her shoulder. It was weird to be ginger for the first time since she was fifteen. The past years, she had been a very faithful blonde but it was time to do something very different.

“Not bad for a rancher’s daughter.”

Lizzie twirled in her full-length mirror, admiring the way the navy-blue dress fit her body, accessorized with her diamond hoop earrings, tennis bracelet, class ring, and the brand-new patent leather heels she had managed to score on clearance at Neiman Marcus. Very much the uniform of an intellectual property litigator who had just made partner, not the yee-haw who had went to UND. But right now, as she thought about tonight, Lizzie felt like the yee-haw she tried to suppress.

Tonight, there was a fundraising cocktail hour for her firm, Bradley, Lewis, and Cooper. This would be the first one that Lizzie attended since she transferred to the Chicago office from Atlanta. She was good at gladhanding and charming people, attending Penn Law had sucked the yee-haw from Lizzie’s accent. Now, she was Elizabeth Romanelli, ready to make connections while raising funds for the Children’s Miracle Network.

Only fly in the ointment was that this fundraiser was being held at the United Center. Not only that, it was rumored that the firm was able to get a couple of players for the Blackhawks to appear. Bradley, Lewis, and Cooper did some work for the Blackhawks, mainly with local TV contracts and sponsorships. Lizzie took in a deep fortifying breath. “It has been years,’ she told herself. “There’s no need to be nervous seeing Jon again.”

She turned around and grabbed her coat. It was mid fall but the temperature dropped enough at night that Lizzie wanted to wear her coat just in case. Before she left, she looked at her left ring finger. Taking a deep breath, she slid her old wedding ring off her finger. It was a new start, time to act like it.

**

The fundraiser went pretty well, in Lizzie’s eyes. It was her first firm social event in Chicago so most of it was spent shaking hands, exchanging business cards, and talking some shop. There were a couple of Blackhawks players there, none of that Lizzie recognized. She admitted several times while in conversation, that she was more of a college hockey than pro hockey fan.

Then, the one person she was hoping wouldn’t show up, showed up. Lizzie worked hard not to check Jonathan out but he had the kind of presence that commanded attention. His hair was cut short and the once lanky frame had filled out completely. Lizzie smirked when she saw one of her fellow attendees lick her lips but she couldn’t blame her. Jonathan looked delicious in a black suit with a pristine white shirt, no tie. He looked like casual, dominant elegance in a hockey player package as he made his rounds the room.

“You’re lucky that your department doesn’t work with the Blackhawks on anything,” said the woman who licked her lips. Lizzie looked down and looked at her name tag, it said ‘Elise’.

“Oh why?”

Lizzie took a sip of her pinot grigio, waiting for a reply. Elise didn’t disappoint as she whispered, “He’s single and my law school loans say he would be perfect for them.”

She couldn’t resist laughing at that statement; Lizzie totally understood where Elise was coming from. But as soon as her laughter faded, there was Jonathan Toews, right in front of them. Elise looked up at him, obviously starstruck. Lizzie put her best courtroom face as she stuck out her hand. “Hello, I’m Elizabeth Romanelli. You are?”

Jonathan blinked when Lizzie introduced herself as Elizabeth Romanelli. She was Lizzie MacArthur in the flesh, all these years later. Grasping her hand, Jonathan said, “Jonathan Toews, but you know who I am.”

Jonathan kept his best PR smile on his face as he processed his thoughts. This was Lizzie, the only one who got away. She was a redhead now, not a blonde, but those green eyes were still the same. Deep green eyes that always brimmed with an intelligence that had made Jon feel like he was an idiot when they first met at UND.

“Oh, how do you two know each other?”

Lizzie managed to keep her expression completely neutral while Jon reddened a bit. He dropped her hand as he said, “We went to college together.”

“Where was that,” Elise innocently asked and Lizzie wasn’t sure if she was truly curious or if she was being a bit catty.

“I went to University of North Dakota with Mr. Toews for undergrad,” Lizzie said. “Then I did Penn Law.”

Elise replied, “Oh. I remember reading that once.”

Lizzie refused to roll her eyes as Jon made small talk about the hockey season with Elise. Spotting a waiter, Elise raised her hand for another glass of wine. Tonight, was looking like it was about to be long. Before she could make her escape, Elise exclaimed, “Oh, there’s Mr. Schmidt, I need to talk to him! It was so nice to meet you and talk to you, Mr. Toews, Ms. Romanelli.”

Lizzie sighed as she scampered away, leaving her alone with Jonathan.

“Long time, no see,” Jonathan said, taking a sip of his water. Tomorrow was a game night and while he enjoyed drinking, he had no interest in doing anything that would keep him out of peak performance. But looking at Lizzie, he wished he had something stronger. The years had done her good; she looked curvier, stronger, hotter. He felt his pants tighten and Jonathan thought of his smelly hockey gear to deflate his hard on.

Lizzie stroked the curve of her new wine glass before replying, “I know. Wasn’t necessarily planned.”

“Romanelli?”

“I was married,” Lizzie’s smile tightened.

Jonathan quickly replied, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ask anything that would make you feel- “

“It’s okay, let’s not go there, okay. Before you ask, I’m a widow.” Lizzie looked down at her wine. It had been long enough that she knew she wouldn’t break down but it was awkward to talk about it with her first college hookup/almost boyfriend. After all these years, Jonathan still had an affect on her. She felt a bit lightheaded but her once dormant libido had flared up as soon as they shook hands. It was as if her body had decided that someone worthy was nearby and it was time.

“I’m sorry,” Jonathan repeated, his voice low as he ran his fingers through his short hair. It was a bit overwhelming seeing Lizzie again but he was already damn sure that he needed to see her again. As they exchanged pleasantries, Jon moved on to another group at the fundraiser. But every now and then, he made sure to catch her in the crowd.

At the end of the night, he was finally able to get Lizzie alone, again. “Now that you’re in Chicago, why don’t we go out? As old friends?”

Lizzie laughed as she waited for her coat. “We weren’t old friends and you know it.”

“But who said that we can’t be at least friends now?”

Jonathan gave Lizzie a big smile while she scoffed, “I can tell by the way you’ve been looking at me all night that you aren’t interested in being just friends.”

“How was I looking at you?”

Jonathan leaned into Lizzie as he noticed that Seabs was nearby. While he loved Seabs as a brother, he didn’t want him to have any idea of what he was planning, yet.

Lizzie batted her lashes at Jonathan before replying, “Like you never seen a woman before. I have to keep the conversation business casual but we both know what I’d really like to say.”

“Then, you should let me have your phone number.”

“Smooth, Toews,” Lizzie commented. “Very smooth.”

“I try.”

Jonathan couldn’t help himself; as Lizzie received her coat from the coat check, he helped her put it on.

“Wow, I don’t know if you’re actually a gentleman now or if you’re trying to get points,” Lizzie quipped.

Jonathan gave her an aw-shucks grin and a shrug. Despite her better judgment, Lizzie figured that it couldn’t hurt. She didn’t really know anyone yet in Chicago and it would be nice to talk to someone who she at least knew from college. But she didn’t want to openly give it to Jonathan so she took the moment to turn and grab paper and a pen from a table. Writing her number and snap down, she slid it into Jonathan’s pocket.

“There, now you can never say I never gave you anything.”

Lizzie turned and sauntered away. Jonathan fished through his pockets and grabbed the paper, grinning and laughing to himself.

**

Lizzie had to give Jonathan credit. He knew how to attempt to get a woman’s attention. The flowers were a nice touch; not too ostentatious and he was smart enough not to attach his name to them. But Lizzie knew exactly who they were from because there were exactly nineteen pink and nineteen white roses in Monday’s bouquet. Yesterday’s bouquet was a set of nineteen purple flowers that after she looked them up, Lizzie found out that they were purple columbine. Today’s bouquet involved nineteen white camelias and nineteen red chrysanthemums.

“This guy must really like you.”

Lizzie turned around to see Peter, her paralegal. He was pointing at the flowers, a pensive look on his face.

“Really? He just wants my attention.” Lizzie dismissively waved towards the flowers but inwardly, she was loving it.

Peter raised an eyebrow. “Okay, whatever you say. Anyway, I have five messages from the managing partners.”

“I already know what they want and I already reviewed the files and sent them to Kristin, Jacques, and Malik. They are working on the briefs for the arbitration and they should all be done by the end of the work day. I will prep my own opening argument myself for the hearing when we are done talking. You can quote everything I just said in your email,” Lizzie stated with a smile on her face. This was her first arbitration hearing at the Chicago office with her new associates working under her. But she knew it would go well.

“But the flowers. I’d look them up, Ms. Romanelli. He’s sending you a message with each bouquet. Especially that first one with those kind of pink roses, maiden blush roses? Oh, he’s definitely telling you something.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

Lizzie brushed Peter off, her mind already back on work. However, she messaged Jon later, I like jasmine, lily of the valley, the most.

The next day, there was a bouquet with yellow jasmine, lily of the valley, and red pink flowers, the number adding to 19 and a note, looking forward to seeing you tonight.

**

Lizzie was still a mystery and Jonathan was desperate to figure her out. This was their sixth date and every time he felt like he was getting closer to her, Lizzie pulled back. Jon understood but at the same time, he was getting annoyed. He was also horny as fuck and trying very hard not to let his cock dictate his actions.

Tonight, Lizzie wore a little black dress with strappy heels to dinner and all Jonathan could think of was having Lizzie wear those heels while he fucked her hard and fast. It took all his willpower to keep the conversation light during dinner as his traitorous brain filled with all kinds of dirty images. Now, they were having post dinner drinks at a place Kaner had suggested. It was very intimate, the kind of place for seduction. Unfortunately, Jonathan thought, there would probably be no seduction tonight as he stood on the wall with Lizzie.

“I intentionally wore these for you.”

Lizzie fluttered her eyelashes at Jon’s dumbfounded expression. She wasn’t dumb; she knew exactly the kind of affect she had on men. Lizzie had to give Jonathan credit; he was doing a good job of not being a stupid hornball.

“I love them,” Jonathan drawled before taking a sip of his whiskey on the rocks. He told himself to be patient, as they continued to talk but after another half-hour talking about football, Jon finally broached the subject. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“Are you,” Lizzie countered. She went out on a couple of dates with a couple of different guys when the Blackhawks were out of town because, in her mind, she was still a free agent. Doing that actually made Lizzie feel more comfortable with going out with Jonathan. Not that the other dates were bad but Lizzie had to admit to herself that there was still something more with Jonathan.

“No,” Jonathan admitted. His DMs were full on all social media so he could go out with anyone he wanted if he truly felt like it. But right now, he really was just interested in Lizzie.

“That’s nice.”

Lizzie twirled the straw in her cocktail. Jonathan thought about what to say but ended up blurting out, “I still think about some of the things we did.”

“Woooooooow.”

Blushing, Lizzie bit her lip. Some of those memories had come back since she had seen Jonathan again. Some of those things that had seemed extra sinful at eighteen and nineteen were mainstream these days. Plus, Greg had tried but he didn’t have that same aura that teenage Jonathan had. Adult Jonathan had that dominant aura in spades and it was tempting.

Lizzie added, “And?”

Jonathan moved closer to Lizzie, his big body bracketing hers, his monotone voice even deeper, “You remember when I tied you up the first time?”

“That was…. interesting,“ Lizzie replied. She felt flushed, that memory now in her brain. They had been fumbling around and Jonathan had tied her up before making her beg and scream his name. But the knot had got stuck and after he cut her out, Lizzie had chafed skin on both of her wrists. “It was an interesting experiment.”

Jonathan licked his lips. He noticed that Lizzie was flushed, her body leaning towards his. It was almost heady, the tension, he could taste it. So, he decided to press into the attack.

“We’ve both grown up now. I mean, I know what I love to do in the bedroom and I’m not a teen boy fumbling around.”

Lizzie resisted the urge to roll her eyes at Jonathan’s pronouncement. Steeling her face so that she looked impassive, inwardly she was freaking out a bit. Jonathan had been pretty good fuck in college, better than the rest of her boyfriends before she married Greg. But this Jonathan, three times Stanley Cup winner and hockey superstar Jonathan, he seemed lethal.

And he knew it as he gave Lizzie a little smirk and a wink.

“Don’t worry Lizzie, no one is going to judge you now if you like a little pain. I definitely won’t. You know I liked giving it to you when we were experimenting.”

Exasperated, Lizzie exclaimed, “You’re still so arrogant! I seriously doubt you’d have a chance to fuck me again.”

Jonathan moved closer and Lizzie backed up, backing into the wall. Jonathan got close enough that Lizzie could smell his expensive cologne but far enough that she could easily move away if she wanted to.

“I don’t know why you’re still lying to yourself all these years later,” Jonathan murmured, his dark brown eyes looking black. “But I’m patient, I can still wait. You still want me and I’ve always wanted you.”

Lizzie bit her lip and Jonathan resisted the urge to groan. He had thought that he had forgotten her but just meeting her again two months ago had brought back those old feelings. Now, he was getting tired of playing cat and mouse but from what he had learned from TJ and Ridley, Jonathan was trying to be careful and tactical with his advances. He at least managed to get her to go out with him. His cock could wait.

Of course, after telling himself that, images from a decade ago filled his head. Ignoring them, Jonathan instead taunted, “Nothing to say? I never thought lawyers could be rendered speechless.”

Instead of replying, Lizzie reached out and touched Jonathan’s sweater. It was super soft and felt like it was made from the finest cashmere. She finally replied, voice low and soft, “Why am I so attracted to you? This shouldn’t really be happening.”

“Fate.”

It was a very simple reply as Jonathan grabbed her hand and brought it up to his lips. He kissed her hand, just a brief touch of closed lips to skin. But it felt like electricity coursed through both of them. Jonathan recovered first before giving Lizzie a devilish smile. “Night, night Elizabeth.”

***

“He’s way too smooth.”

Lizzie took in a deep breath as she watched the first snowfall of the year through her office window. Rachel’s laughter at her complaint registered super loud over her ear pod.

Rachel commented, “Of course he is, he’s had over a decade of practice. I can’t believe he’s still interested; I think Jon has dated models and he could date anyone. You’re lucky as hell, Lizzie.”

Lizzie pouted as she moved away from the window. “I don’t know if I want to be lucky.”

“Well, I remember all of the sneaking around you’d did when we were in college. You had no problems fucking him in private.”

“RACHEL!! Oh, my Gawd, you knew that?!?”

Lizzie put her hand on her forehead, mortified. She thought she had been cautious.

Rachel chuckled before continuing, “No one else figured it out. But it was obvious that sparks were flying. And then Jon goes pro and you end up dating around until you met Greg. But you never were as happy as you were freshman spring.”

Lizzie sighed, feeling a headache beginning to start. “Greg, you know I loved Greg.”

“I know honey, if you hadn’t, I would have seriously considered stopping the wedding,” Rachel consoled. “And he did help you escape the ranch and your parents’ plans.”

“I’ve been a widow for 3 years and this is the first time I’ve been attracted to a man,” Lizzie blurted out. Her cheeks reddened as she realized her admission.

There was an extended pause before Rachel finally replied. “Then you should go for it. Greg wouldn’t want you to give up on sex because he’s gone.”

Lizzie flipped through the messages on her work phone as she pondered Rachel’s words.

“I gotta go, Alyssa is about done with school and the baby should be up any minute. Stop thinking and just fuck him. Just remember to put color corrector and concealer over any marks Jonny leaves on you.”

Lizzie exclaimed, “Rachel,” but she had already hung up. Checking her personal phone for messages, Lizzie grinned when she saw she had a snap from Jon. Opening the snap, she saw a photo of Jon signing jerseys and picks with a note of can’t wait to give you one.

Lizzie responded; too bad I’ll be too busy to get one for the next couple of weeks

Lizzie put her phone down, ready to focus on her work before getting a new message from Jon. I told u I can be patient.

**

Lizzie looked down at her list of pros and cons. All the pros were reasons why she should fuck Jonathan: get rid of all the unresolved tension from college, he’s an already proven great fuck, probably the best guy to be her first fuck since Greg passed away. The cons were that he was Jonathan Toews, he was famous, and he did have the ability to be an asshole. Her skeptical side told Lizzie that she probably couldn’t keep it casual but the other side was like, was that a bad thing?

Shaking her head, Lizzie pulled on a pair of jeans before putting on a sweater. The Blackhawks were back in town and last night, she went to the game courtesy of Jonathan. Lizzie had taken Elise with her and they enjoyed the Blackhawks winning against the Flames. It was actually fun as Lizzie explained some of the finer points of hockey, such as power plays, penalty kills, offsides, and the fact that all refs in all sports were absolutely awful. Tonight, she actually told Jon she would come over after they saw a movie.

Lizzie was curious about where Jonathan lived. She knew it was in an area called Lincoln Park; she lived in the outskirts of the North Side. Her student loans from law school demanded payment so Lizzie moved in the nicest area she could afford, in a gentrifying neighborhood. “Get a taste of how the rich live tonight,” Lizzie said to herself. However, she did put on a matching pair of underwear just in case she decided to do more.

**

Jonathan looked at Lizzie as the car pulled up to his place. He had been on his best behavior tonight; no sly comments, etc. after last time. But Lizzie had been cuddly during the movie and now, she… he couldn’t read her actions.

Jon entered his code and led Lizzie inside. “Very nice,” Lizzie commented as they walked through the first floor of his place.

“Oh wow, you have my favorite flowers,” Lizzie exclaimed as they walked into his kitchen. There was a vase with Spanish Jasmine flowers.

Jonathan shrugged even though he was inwardly pleased. He had ordered them this afternoon, a rush order when Lizzie said she would come over. Now she was here and he felt at a loss. His cock said to seduce her, his brain said to wait for her cues and see if she was actually interested. Jonathan grabbed two cups and got himself and Lizzie a glass of water before guiding her back into the living room.

“More movies,” Lizzie teased as she made herself comfortable on his leather couch.

Jonathan shook his head no, suddenly nervous as he cut on the TV. He didn’t want to fuck it up.

Lizzie smirked as she watched indecision on Jonathan’s face. Tonight, had been their first date since that conversation and it was obvious that Jonathan was still very interested but didn’t want to do anything that seemed pushy. Lizzie thought at first it was because they were out in public but she realized that if she wanted to actually go there again, she would have to bring it up.

“What are you thinking about, Jon,” Lizzie asked, intentionally shortening his name.

Jonathan put his arms on the back of the couch and mentally said fuck it. “Do you want to good answer or the dirty answer?”

“Dirty answer?”

Lizzie grinned as Jonathan gulped then groaned.

“I keep looking at your ass in those jeans and I want to grab it so bad,” Jonathan admitted. Lizzie looked at his big hands and she decided that tonight was the night.

“You can grab it, if you want?”

“Huh, what?”

Jonathan looked so dumbfounded that Lizzie giggled. “I said you can grab it. That’s another way of saying, you can touch me.”

“Are you sure,” Jonathan asked, locking eyes with Lizzie.

Lizzie rolled her eyes before grabbing his hand. “I came here with the full intent of getting fucked. But if you aren’t interested, that’s okay and we can hang out before I go home.”

“Oh, do you really want me to fuck you?”

Jonathan raised an eyebrow as Lizzie flung her hair behind her shoulder. “I want you to kiss me, eat my pussy, maybe I’ll suck your cock, and then fuck me, if you want to get precise.”

“Goddamn,” Jonathan breathed. “Fuck, then why don’t you sit in my lap?”

Lizzie climbed into his lap before locking eyes with Jonathan again. His deep brown eyes looked nearly black and he had stubble all around his jaw. She traced his jaw with her fingers before running her fingers through his hair. His voice a deeper monotone, Jonathan murmured, “I’m not going to bite, unless you want me to do that.”

Instead of replying, Lizzie brushed her lips over Jonathan’s, once, then twice. Then she leaned down and nipped his lip. “I like biting,” she whispered against his lips before kissing him again. Jonathan’s arms came around her waist, keeping Lizzie in place as he began to take over the lazy kiss. Need stretched through their kisses, tongues interacting as over a decade apart melted away. Then Jonathan pulled away. Lizzie reached to pull her sweater off but Jonathan stopped her.

“Let’s go to the bedroom, I don’t want to fuck you for the first time in forever on a couch, at least not this time.”

Lizzie laughed as Jonathan picked her up and nearly ran to his bedroom. She didn’t even get a chance to look around and admire before he was on her. Jonathan’s hands were all over her body as he desperately kissed her. Before Lizzie realized it, her sweater and bra were off and so was Jonathan’s hoodie and t-shirt. She could feel his rock-hard abs against her body as Jonathan rolled so that Lizzie was on top.

“Your tits are still fucking amazing.”

“Thanks,” Lizzie beamed as Jonathan gently kneaded them in his hands.

He murmured, “They are still so sensitive,” as her nipples hardened quickly in his fingers, watching Lizzie’s changes in expression. “So, you’ll tell me right away if I do something you don’t like?”

“Like what,” Lizzie asked.

Jonathan lightly grabbed her throat, something they had never done before but something he had learned that he liked to do. “Like that.”

“Mmmm, this is good,” Lizzie replied. Choking was one of the kinks she had explored with Greg and that she missed.

“Fuck, you got dirtier,” Jonathan stated before rolling Lizzie under him again.

“Why don’t you stop talking and undress me some more,” Lizzie ordered.

Jonathan laughed before idly replying, “Normally, I wouldn’t let you tell me what to do but we haven’t even negotiated that yet. And we aren’t, not tonight.”

Lizzie’s giggled as she shimmied out of her jeans. But those giggles were replaced with moans when Jonathan’s fingers brushed her upper and inner thighs before stroking her pussy through her panties. “So wet for me.”

He had planned to go slow but Jonathan was pretty sure that wasn’t happening, at least not for this first round. He needed to be deep inside of Lizzie, back where he belonged. Jonathan stood up and took off his own jeans and boxers, revealing his very hard cock. Lizzie reached up and ran a hand over his cock before pumping it with both hands.

“I’m not going to last that long,” Jonathan warned as Lizzie began to jerk him off. “I want to cum deep inside of your pussy, Elizabeth.”

“Oh my God,” Lizzie breathed. There was something in the way that Jonathan said her full name, it made her pussy drip even more.

Jonathan reached into his night stand and grabbed a condom. “Be a good girl and put this on me.”

Lizzie took the condom from Jonathan’s hands and opened it. Then she guided it over his cock with a wicked grin on her face. Leaning back on her elbows, Lizzie smirked at Jonathan before sucking her lip into her mouth. “Fuck me, Jonathan.”

Jonathan growled as Lizzie spread her legs, showing him just how wet and ready she was for him. Pulling a leg up and over his shoulder, Jonathan entered Lizzie slowly, making sure she felt every inch. Lizzie moaned, her hands grabbing anywhere they could on Jon as he fucked her, slow soft strokes turning harder with each thrust.

“Fuck you feel so good,” Lizzie groaned as Jonathan gave her a harder thrust, hips grinding with each stroke.

Jonathan managed to reply, “Your pussy still feels like it was made for me.”

He was already close and Jonathan couldn’t hold off even though he could tell that Lizzie wouldn’t cum with him this time. Jonathan’s lips found Lizzie’s as he kissed her while he came. Lizzie let Jonathan ride his high out, she could feel that she was getting closer but she wasn’t there.

Jonathan slumped against Lizzie for a couple moments before withdrawing from her pussy. He took off the condom, telling Lizzie, “Stay there.”

Dumping the condom into the trash, Jonathan pulled Lizzie to the edge of the bed. Spreading her legs, Jonathan knelt in between, fingers spreading her folds. Then his tongue licked her clit and Lizzie arched off the bed. “Don’t worry, I’m going to take care of you,” Jonathan cooed as he played with her clit. Then he dove in, licking her juices from her pussy before tongue-fucking Lizzie’s entrance. His fingers continued to roll her clit with light pressure, enough to keep Lizzie on the edge but not enough to get her to cum. Then Jon sucked her clit into her mouth and bit it very lightly, enough of a shock to get Lizzie to cum with a scream, fingers grabbing sheets to hold on for dear life. Jonathan muttered something in French as Lizzie rode out her high. Then she fell asleep with a light snore.

**

Lizzie laid on the bed, her hair fanned out around her head, body too depleted to move yet. But she peeled herself up as Jonathan was sitting up next to her, a MacBook in his lap.

“Wow, what time is it?”

“It’s a little after midnight,” Jonathan replied. He had changed into a pair of sweats and Lizzie licked her lips. He looked really good in gray sweats.

She shrugged. “At least it’s Saturday.”

“I cleaned you up after you passed out.”

Jonathan gave Lizzie a wicked grin as she blushed. “It’s been a while,” she replied.

Lizzie got up and Jonathan pointed to his left, indicating that was the way to get to the bathroom. Lizzie stepped inside of the master bathroom, still too tired to check it out. After taking care of business and washing her hands, Lizzie walked back into Jonathan’s bedroom. Jonathan handed her a t-shirt and said, “You’re too tired to attempt to drive home. You can stay here; I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

“I like cumming so you don’t have to keep them to yourself.”

Lizzie gave Jon a saucy smile while he groaned.

**

Let yourself be happy. Find that guy again, the one who was before me. I just want you to be happy, don’t shrivel up and die because I’m gone.

Lizzie looked at the note, last note from Greg before he passed from non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Her wedding ring was on next to it, the simple gold band twinkling in the late winter sun.

Today was her seventh month since her move to Chicago, fifth since she met Jonathan for the first time in years. Tonight, she was going to the game, Elise going with her but this time, they were going to sit with the WAGs. Lizzie had met Jonathan’s closest friends and teammates and it was obvious that there was something happening between them. But Lizzie felt the need to look at this one more time.

“I’m going to be happy, Greg,” Lizzie whispered before putting her old wedding ring and the note in a box, setting it next to a vase of nineteen red tulips that Jon had given her. Then she pulled her hair into a ponytail, sent all work calls on her work phone to voicemail. Picking up her personal phone, Lizzie smiled as she looked at the text from Jonathan.

She wasn’t going to run this time. She was going to embrace a future with Jonathan.

[nijicx]

BNHA OC: Teachers

Name:

Paloma

Nationality:

Japanese

Hero Name:

Peek-a-boo

Occupation:

Support Teacher by day, Part Time Pro Hero

Quirk:

"Now you see me, Now you don't."

Quirk Characteristics:

Dissapears when she covers her eyes, and can re-appear when she uncovers them.

-She does not have to close her eyes, just cover them with her hands

Quirk Weaknesses:

Because her quirk is a non-offensive type, she has to make up for it with training and support items in order to take down villains. The legs of her suit are full of light gasses that help her be light on her feet. She also has tazers built into the palms of her gloves that charge with the kinetics of her body.

Personality:

Loud, will give her opinion on something even if she isn't asked, quick to start a fight and even quicker to finish them. She doesn't take it from anyone and can act rather thuggish. Her most noticable personality trait is the delivery of threats with an angelic smile. She doesn't let anyone off easy, not even her childhood friend and fellow teacher Miho

She's hard as nails with her students. She is incredibly serious about the importance a support hero has to their partner and works them incredibly hard. She often puts off a very "big sisterly" vibe and will act ditzy on purpose in order to land a particularly hard dish of truth.

Background:

Paloma and Miho grew up together in a mostly rural town that was rocked by a devastating earthquake the summer before they were set to start highschool. Because their town was rural and had many dirt roads now blocked by mudslides, they spent hours on their own helping rescue their fellow townsfolk and pull people out of the rubble. They made the decision that night that they would be heroes. And that they would forego going to the rural highschool a town over, and instead go to Tokyo.

Unbeknownst to them, the mayor of their little town had started asked the townsfolk to start a little letter writing campain. He asked for those who remembered the two coming to their aid to write a letter of reccomendation and their little town flooded the registry offices of most hero vocational schools with glowing reccomendations for the both of them.

They were both admitted to almost every hero school they applied to.

Fun Facts:

-During Highschool, Paloma would be stopped constantly by photographers and would-be magazine editors to beg her to do shoots for them. Eventually she got so annoyed that she couldn't go anywhere and just gave in. She only did modeling for a short time, but even now in her pro-hero days, people still come up to her with old copies of the magazines and she becomes incredibly embarassed.

-There are entire blogs on the internet dedicated to her buns....and not the ones on her head.

-Her fanclub rivals most more famous pro-heros due to her early days as a model

Name:

Miho

Occupation: 

Homeroom Teacher

Nationality:

Japanese

Hero Name:

BloodLetter  (after the victorian instrument used to draw blood) 

Quirk:

Bleed Out

Quirk Characteristics:

Miho's quirk allows her to control her bloodflow. Once it reaches oxygen she can weild it sort of telekenetically. Aka, through the air and have it form shapes. She can also control its density, however, it cannot harden, she can simply thicken the plasma and make it heavier so that it packs a decent punch. She can also transfer blood onto someone and retract it once dried. This effect draws the blood back to her like a magnet, but is ingrained in the suspects skin,hair or clothes. This pulls the suspect towards her. It can also be used as a tracking method as she can sense by the 'pull' how close or far the target is from her in low visibility.

She has to draw blood in order to draw it out of her body, the bigger the flow opening the faster she can attack. A bite to her lip wouldn't be enough to attack or defend. For this reason she has made several modifications to her body in order for her to have access to a steady and non-lethal flow of blood. On her forehead is a faint red line which is actually stitches, the forehead is home to a large amount of blood vessels and so if she pulls them out it breaks and she has a instant way of creating a sheild, hence their placement on the front of her body. She has piercings and many pull-tabs placed around her body for this same reason. The pull tabs on her back can be pulled to allow for 6 seperate flows, which she often puts to work offensively, while 2 she weilds defensively.

One of the interesting things about Miho's quirk is that she can drain her limbs of blood and pull it into other parts of her body if she knows she cannot avoid a viceral attack. This way, she doesn't bleed out if injured on that limb. Her blood cannot leave her torso however, since it is still required to flow in order to power and run her organs and brain.

Quirk Weaknesses:

She is limited to the amount of blood in her body. Once her quirk is activated her body begins to produce twice the natural amount of blood as a defence mechanism. If not being concentrated somewhere fast enough, the excess blood will begin to find ways out of the body to avoid hieghtening the blood pressure. This includes her ears, nose, mouth and eyes. Once the quirk is deactivated, only the amount of blood enough for the running of her body can be re-taken into her body naturally, the rest she actually weilds over to the rescue vehicles in order to be used as reserve for any emergancy blood transfusions to trauma patients.

She wears big sweaters to hide her rather muscular arms.

Personality:

Absolute crybaby. She is rather quiet and has a hard time being forceful, especially with her students. She often cries to Paloma on their lunch breaks in the teachers lounge about how she has no idea what she's doing and that she's probably failing them as a teacher. Paloma constantly telling her to pull it together and grow a pair if she doesn't like it.

She will always rush to someones aid without even thinking of it, it causes her to be a rather "helicopter parent" teacher. She also likes to help the students who are seeming to struggle in making connections. She is constantly checking in on Yun-Yeong and giving her bottles of water to take to her team mates in order to get her to interact with them.

Despite being a timid and rather softhearted woman, she is incredibly protective of her students. When her and Paloma were young, they decided they'd be heroes, which meant giving up any semblance of the lives some women dream of, being mothers, and wives, and having signifigant others. So her students are like her kids. Instead of the students accidentally calling her "Mom" like is so commonly done, she accidentally calls them her kids, and they tease her relentlessly for it.

When it comes to protecting her students though, she is moost like a mother grizzly bear. She wont hesitate to lay waste to any area in order to get her 'kids' back.

Background:

(See Paloma above as they share a bg)

Miho has always been rather quiet and soft spoken, tending to follow Paloma around seeing her as the stronger one, relying on Paloma to build her self esteem back up every time it falters. What she doesnt know is that she has been Paloma's source of motivation since they were little. Paloma actually sees her as the much stronger of two.

Fun Facts:

-Her personal underling is Winston, this is due to the both of them having quite unweildly quirks that both cause a great deal of pain, she is constantly coaching him in ways to make it easier on himself.

-Out of the two of them, Miho actually has a crazy tolerance for alchohol. Likely because of her quirk and how fast she can circulate it out of her system.

-Her and Paloma go and have beers at the local ramen stall every third friday of the month. Mostly so that Miho can get drunk and get grumpy drunk and talk about how her "kids" wont listen to her and are real nasty to one another. Paloma keeps a video of one such drunken rant, where Miho shakes an old man next to her and slurringly says that shes gunna "beat up all her buttheads in class 1-D".

-Miho has her own blackmail stock hidden in her teachers apartment at the school, she owns every single issue and interview Paloma did while she was a bratty model in Tokyo. Its a little nest she's sitting on for a rainy day.

-She decorates the dorms and the doors of the dorms for special occaisions like birthdays, christmas and halloween. She will even stay up late the night before with a beer making decorations and getting together things for their birthdays. Her students are largely from other countries so she feels as though it is her responsibility to not let any of them feel left out.

-Paloma teases her about her frumpy appearance constantly. Poking fun at her baggy clothes and plain taste. She jokingly brings much more attractive office clothes to her at the school but Miho is incredibly embarassed to be wearing showier clothing. Thinking it isnt' for girls who look plain like her. She thinks likes them better on Paloma.

_________________________________________ Next we’re onto the villains! 

[bigficenergy]

Brent turns around and raises the Cup above his head looking at the camera.  Duncan stares blankly at the man on the screen.  The memory of the Hawks’ 2010 win enters his conscious mind 

“Come on Duncs, grab it!” Seabs shouts from the blue line.  Duncan looks fondly at his liney knowing that he is so getting a piece of Seabs’ ass tonight.  He slides over to Brent and takes the Cup from the defenseman’s hands, locking eyes with Brent.  He lifts the cup and shouts a guttural yell into Brent’s face. 

Brent scrunches his face at Duncan’s after game breath.  A distinct mix of garbage can with a whiff of beer blast his face. 

“If you think you are getting that close later, that breath better be full of alcohol and spearmint toothpaste,” Brent chirps as he skates around while Duncan takes his victory lap.  Duncan is too filled with adrenaline and a noisy crowd to hear the man and respond with an equally vinegary chirp. 

The team is flat out drunk and loud the entire plane ride back to Chicago that night.  Jonny and Pat are in the back row making out and trading handjobs under a blanket as Duncan walks back to the bathroom.  Brent had banished him there until he brushed his teeth because he found Duncan’s after game breath too gross to kiss. 

They drunk march into Brent’s apartment that night.  The door locks shut behind them, and the clothes come off with animalistic lust. 

The bartender snaps Duncan’s trance after Duncan tipped his bottle spilling beer everywhere.  He’s jealous that Brent will probably go home and fuck Dayna senseless.  If he’s lucky he’ll get the feel of his right hand later tonight with the image of Brent naked in one of the beds of a road hotel room.  He felt the thoughts of what it would feel like to have Brent in his bed again, they penetrated his brain and his cock swelled to fill his boxers in an uncomfortable position.  Deciding Duncan has had enough drink, the bartender calls him a taxi to whisk him off to a hotel to sleep it off until he’s sober enough to collect his truck. 

** 

Brent stands there on the ice rolling his eyes while facing Kaner and Tazer waiting for them to cough up the Cup to the rest of the team.  Just like Ovi and Backy had done in 2018, they were making out on the ice and looking ridiculous at trying to hide it.  After a several moments of standing on the ice staring at each other, Brent realizes the one person he wants to share this moment with is likely drowning his sorrows in some Manitoba bar.  The romance Pat and Jonny are exhibiting on the ice make Brent long for his linemate. 

They’d played around on the road.  Nothing major, just some platonic sex on nights they couldn’t hook up at the bar when they were one the road.  Being bisexual wasn’t unheard of amongst athletes; they’re both pretty sure Kaner and Tazer were fucking every moment they could find. 

Brent met Dayna at a bar one night, emotions running high after a home win against the Habs.  Duncan had pushed Brent into working up the courage to buy her a drink and get her number.  She was quite charming and cute in a short skirt and blouse that drew attention to her chest.  Her intelligence and personality a few days later over dinner and a night of symphony pops in Grant Park just added to her stunning good looks.  He walked into his apartment that night lighter on his feet. 

He’d married her a few months after they started dating, welcoming a son in 2013, a daughter in 2015, and another son in 2017.  They lived in the suburbs of Chicago with a large house and big yard butted up against a lake.  It made Brent’s commute to work each day during the season hell, but he had a family he loved.  Ignorance was bliss, and Brent was completely unaware that his life was a ticking time bomb as his career hit its crescendo at 35 and slowing down until he hit retirement at 39. 

He longed to hang out with Duncan that night, Dayna had been cold to his advances when he walked into their house drunk after celebrating the cup win with his team.  For for the most part Duncan was absent in his last year, spending the last half of the season out with various broken bones, a concussion, and to top it all off a ruptured appendix.  His kids were great friends with Duncan’s son Justin and even they missed having their buddy around.  When Duncan had decided to retire, Brent decided to do the same after being offered a coaching job in Winnipeg. 

[fenweak]

Below the cut are 91 fics that feature Jonny and Patrick as creatures that lurk and prey (and snuggle) in the night. From wolfverses to fluffy animal transformations to love/sex magic. I've had such a great time re-reading all of these, as this pairing has been graced by so many amazing authors. Happy reading and happy Halloween!

★ are personal faves

Demons

a dainty dish to set before the king by mockturtletale ★ - demon!Kaner

But then the clocks strike midnight - clocks plural - and that’s weird as fuck, because the year is 2013 and Jonathan Toews doesn’t own any clocks that make that noise. He doesn’t own any clocks that make noise period.

Crossroad Blues by activevirtues- demon!Kaner

In which the demon Patrick Kane gives Jonathan Toews everything he's ever wanted.

Feathers by MJBadger - demon!Kaner, angel!Jonny

Not that Patrick has been snagging many souls or causing much in the way of mischief, lately. He supposes he should go out at some point and play a bit of catch-up. He assumes Jonny's been hanging out on park benches and saving jackasses left and right.

In which Jonny is an angel, and Patrick is a lazy demon.

Sweet and Tender Hooligan (or the post-apocalyptic au) by jezziejay - demon!Kaner

In which Kaner is a daemon of chaos, and Jonny is just trying to hold onto his city. Dystopian universe. Dark. Dark characterisation. A little TW, a litte GoT, and a little Patrick Ness. 

Together Burning Bright - demon!Jonny

Four times Jonny tried to eat Patrick's soul, and the one time he couldn't.

The Creek by mullsandmutts - demon!Kaner, angel!Jonny

Jonathan is a literal angel. Patrick is a literal demon (but with a sweet and kind heart -- it's complicated, okay?). They meet where their worlds are divided and existence might never be the same

Going West - not gonna spoil it but i love it

Jonathan finds the boy along the outskirts of a town market, chained to a post. There's a bronze armband clasped tightly on his forearm, winding around it like a snake, and he stares sullenly at the ground, heedless of Jonathan's gaze, while his toe traces patterns in the dust.

"I want him," Jonathan says to the vendor, pointing.

That's a lie.

Constant as a Northern Star - demon-hunter!Jonny, Pat is his safekeeper

The term "preux" was first used in the scripture that would become known as the Treaty of Avignon [signed in 1156, copies of the original - which was destroyed in the Siege of Harfleur in 1418 - are stored in Prague and Trondheim], marking not only the beginning of the working relationship between vampires and preux but also the use of a term to distinguish the preux from ordinary hunters.

(Or: Jonathan is a good fighter (it doesn't get more AU than this), Patrick waits for him,hates it and is a BAMF no matter the circumstances. Sharpy knows everything but doesn'tbetray anyone's secrets. He's a vampire, he has morals.)

Soulless by ice_hot_13 - demon!Jonny

Jonny used to have a soul.

Vampires

where the wild things are series by liketheroad - twilight AU

Seeing Johnny skate, Patrick realizes two things at the same time. One, Johnny is an incredibly gifted, terrifying hockey player, and two, Patrick is completely and irredeemably gay for him. Also, he’s definitely a vampire, but whatever, Patrick doesn’t really give a shit about that part. (Twilight AU)

Provenance by fourfreedoms ★ - vampire!Jonny  | sorta sequel here

“I uh, didn’t think it would be done so fast,” Patrick said when he arrived. Jonathan stared at him. “Done? You insult me. A good suit, at a lackluster slapdash minimum, needs three-fittings. You’ll be in here for four, I assure you.”

true blood chatfic by doctor_denmark - vampire!Jonny | not fic but still cute

So, sometimes hockey blogs say that Jonathan Toews's playoff fail-beard makes him look like a "victorian era vampire" (repeatedly), and when this happens, I start telling myself about the True Blood au, where Toews is the first vampire to play in the NHL, and Patrick Kane is the deeply closeted hockey player who falls in love with him. Then horrible enablers let me chat-fic at them for hours, and I end up with about 8,000 words, which is 9 times more than i managed on my thesis today.

I'm putting it here, because the world needs to witness my folly.

nature of the immortal being by Mayhem10 - vampire!Kaner

“Wait,” interrupts Jonathan, finally registering Patrick’s rant. “What exactly are you allergic to?”

Patrick waves dismissively. “You know, the usual.”

(In which Patrick is the worst vampire ever and Jonathan grows his own garlic.)

Sealed With A Kiss - (butt)vampire!Kaner

Five minutes after Coach Q explains to his new team that Patrick is indeed a supernatural creature of the night, he’s hustled into the corridor by his cute as hell new captain.

“An ass-eating vampire?” Jonathan asks.

“It’s not like I had a choice,” Patrick says, defensively.

bloodlust - vampire!Kaner 

One Time Patrick Kane Didn’t Drink From Jonathan Toews and Five Times He Did (also known as Vampire Kaner)

so say, what are you waiting for? by nuuclears - vamp!Jonny

“But are you even into this?” Patrick asks, biting his lip at how vulnerable it comes out.

Jonny straightens up fully and stares at him, hands full of gatorade bottles forgotten at his sides. “Kaner, it’s blood,” Jonny tells him incredulously, and ok, a valid point, Patrick does have some idea of how vampires get about blood, but still. It’s not like they’re just drinking from everyone either.

“And,” Jonny says, and blows out a harsh breath of air that he doesn’t even need. “And it’s you,” he admits, like it costs him something.

vampire!kaner AU by allthebros

He comes back to himself with Jonny’s blood in his mouth.

Werewolves 

All Practise and No Play by james - were!Kaner

Sometimes Tazer thinks it's like herding puppies. Actually, no, he thinks that all the time.

by the throat by liketheroad

The one where they're werewolves growing up in Manitoba.

Catalyst - were!Jonny

Full moon’s coming.

It’s about a week out, but even if they didn’t all keep a careful calendar of it, Patrick would know it just by looking at Johnny. Patrick’s known a few werewolves before, some distant family, and Johnny’s got all the hypervigilant aggression he’s used to seeing from them, but what they direct at others—bristling when people get too close, snapping when they’re provoked, showing teeth—Johnny turns inward.

fight or run, you're just getting older (podfic available by AshesandGhost) - were!Kaner 

Contrary to popular belief, weres don't actually need alphas. Patrick never had one, since he's the only person in his family with the gene, and his parents didn't push him into finding one. Alphas make their betas better; they keep them calm and level, they support them, they guide them. Without an alpha, betas are perfectly fine. They're just better with one.

Instincts (podfic available by exmanhater)

They don’t talk about what happens during the moon; and they don’t talk about how Patrick drives over sometimes to curl up on the couch and put his head in Johnny’s lap, jittery all over until he gets the anchoring weight of Johnny’s hand on the back of his neck; and they don’t talk about how Johnny calls him some nights and says, “Come over,” and Patrick does, because Johnny’s head is pounding with the need to get Patrick where he can see him, breathe in the scent of him, know he’s there and well. If they don’t talk about it they can just keep having whatever they need from each other; and that’s what they’ll do, because Johnny is Patrick’s alpha and Patrick needs him to be that for him.

For Johnny, it’s always been more.

I've Got A Feeling (I Hope You're Feeling It Too) by aohatsu - highschool werewolves AU!

When Patrick met Jonny for the first time, it was because they'd both just been picked for the same hockey team. When Patrick netted his first goal during practice, Jonny skated over to give him a congratulatory hug and, well, it's not like he didn't sometimes shift on accident, when he was excited or happy, but it hadn't happened at practice in ages.

Not Passive but Aggressive by reserve

Patrick Kane is a shitty werewolf; Jonathan Toews loves him anyway.

sun sweet berries of the earth series by gasmsinc -  were!jonny, forest spirit!kaner

There is a spirit living in Patrick State Park.

“Listen,” says Jonny. “I didn’t mean to step on your crown.”

The spirit’s bottom lip wobbles.

What If The Storm Ends ★

Here’s how it goes: Pat was out at a club, got bitten by a wolf—wtf?—got yelled at by Abby Sharp, woke up naked on her kitchen table, spent the day hiding in an IHOP, played the most aggressive game of hockey in his career and got mob-bossed off the ice by Sidney Crosby who, for the record, was surprisingly terrifying.

That was Tuesday.

wolf like me by gasmsinc ★ - were!Jonny

When Patrick had imagined his eighteenth birth year celebrations, he hadn’t imagined them taking place in a fortress a thousand miles away from home, surrounded by a people who were only his by marriage, while sitting next to a husband he barely knew.

He had imagined celebrating in Paelford Castle, right there in the great hall where his family had held every celebration, surrounded by the servants and nobles he had known his entire life, his parents and sisters on either side of him. He hadn’t imagined celebrating his eighteenth birth year on his wedding day, either.

Wolfverse by linsky - were!Patrick

Patrick has two goals for himself when he comes to Chicago: Win the Stanley Cup. And don’t let anyone find out he’s a wolf.

Ghost

Transcendence by ice_hot_13 - ghost!Jonny

Jonny shows up at midnight to play at the rink, and Patrick doesn't know who he is, what he's doing, or how the hell he even gets into the building, but Patrick still can't stay away.

If You Like It, Then You Should've Put A Ring On It - stepquietly

Tazer haunts Patrick through his TV and keeps threatening to kill him. And Kaner makes jokes about how Tazer lives at the bottom of a well and still uses a VCR. (The Ring AU crack!fic)

feel your heart beating as clearly as my own - ghost!Jonny

[He still doesn't get enough sleep most nights, and even though Jonny's there, he's notreally there, and he spends a lot of time sitting on the couch staring out the window,Jonny's hand clenched around his, like he's not sure what else to do.]

Jonny dies. Then he starts bothering Patrick.

the ghost & mr. kane - ghost!Jonny

"Uh," he starts. "You--if you're robbing me, you're not doing a great job of it."

"I'm not--I live here!"

"No you don't," says Patrick, dumb. "I live here."

"Yeah, I'm--I'm--I do too."

It snaps together for Patrick, suddenly--the guy's weird muttonchops, his suit, the way he disappeared and reappeared. "You're my ghost?" he asks. Just for confirmation, you know.

"Yes," his ghost says, glowering and still rusty-voiced.

as the ominous others

defrost, debauch, destroy by psocoptera (podfic by exmanhater)  ★ - ???

Beneath the ice, dread things lie dreaming. Or listening to One Direction, whatever.

thy hair soft-lifed by the winnowng wind by forochel ★ - leprechaun!Kaner

He made sure to lay out two saucers, one of spiked milk and one of pure whisky, that night; it was the closest to an apology he could think of.

Anatomy of a Hybrid series by maccabird_23 (abandoned WIP) - magical hybrid AU

Professional sports were chock-full of wolf and dragon hybrids; littered with adept humans but lean on the fairer hybrid. Most elves stayed to the more delicate athletics. Ballet and figure skating being the few sports they excelled at. Elves definitely didn’t play hockey. + Pat was many things but dumb wasn’t one of them. He knew how his teammates looked at him when he got worked up or even worst, turned on. He felt it deep in his gut and couldn’t control as the excitement, anger or arousal blossomed on his skin. Sparks of red and blue taking off from the tips of his pointy ears when he was happy. Deep reds gathering like coal along his scales when he was upset. His lips turning blistering silver before settling on frostbite red whenever he looked at Jonny.

bare those teeth to me please, man-eater - selkie!Jonny

 the one where johnny is a selkie, and patrick is the fisherman's son who loves him.

1988 selkie AU by allthebros - selkie!Jonny

They never give their skin willingly, his grandpa told him. You gotta either steal it and hide it away where they can’t find it, cause, believe it, first chance they got, they’re gone–doesn’t matter if they love you or if they have kids, they love and want the sea more. Or you gotta let them have their skin and let them go once the tryst is over. They don’t stay land-locked by choice, though they can still be happy and love like we do.

Patrick’s grandpa was a wise man, which is why it takes him more than a moment to understand what Jonathan is saying. “Take it, Patrick,” he repeats, his seal-skin all folded up between his strong hands. “I wanna stay.”

But You're So Magnetic by forochel - veela!Kaner 

Kaner comes into his veela heritage on his 24th birthday. Shenanigans and surprise feelings ensue.

call it magic by thundersquall ★ - faerie!Patrick

“It’s the faerie blood in me,” Patrick explains.

Jonny is just not equipped to deal with this shit.

OR, on March 17, Patrick turns into a faerie.

(Can't Help) Faun'in in Love by Miss_Psychotic - faun!Kaner 

When Jonathan is 12, he meets a boy named Kaner.

Crest and Break by hatrickane - mer!Kaner

 Kaner’s life in the deep is more than fulfilling - even despite his fascination with the fisherman who floats on the surface. He knows he has to keep his obsession a secret from the other Merfolk - but no banishment, magic, or legend is going keep him from getting closer to those kind eyes.

Friend Like Me by hatrickane ★ - genie!Jonny

 It wasn’t as beautiful as most oil lamps, Patrick surmised. It was a little stained, the ceramic chipped in places, but a meticulously crafted leaf sat nestled at the open mouth and Kaner dragged his fingertips over it.

It was warm, and he wanted it. Even without knowing what was inside.

First Frost by SimoneClouseau ★ - faerie (unseelie!Jonny)  

When he makes it to the party they ask him where he disappeared to an hour ago and Patrick stares back at them.

“What do you mean an hour?” he says. “It’s been ten minutes.”

Sharpy starts laughing. “Fine, don’t tell us.”

Patrick thinks maybe, just maybe, he’s going insane.

Patrick ends up somewhere he shouldn't be, and Jonathan is forced to claim him to save his life.

I want to meet the kind of folks I've never met by pistol_red - mer!Jonny

In which Johnny is tangled in a net and Patrick is the merman who saves him.

kiss the boy by gasmsinc - mer!kaner

The fish’s head is submerged completely under water. The only thing sticking out is the curve of its back, but Jonny can finally see why it’s stuck: there’s a fishing net hooked on a part of the rock.

It’s then that the fish decides to move again. Its tail thrashes back and forth wildly, and in its panic the fish bangs its broken fin right into the rock. A series of air bubbles pop up to Jonny’s right, but he doesn’t have time to acknowledge how weird that is, because three seconds after the bubbles, a boy’s head pops out of the water.

Jonny yells.

My Heart's in the Sea - Samantha_Holmes - mer!Jonny

When a mermaid named Jonathan saves a prince named Patrick from drowning, little did they know that their lives would be intertwined forever.

Animal Transformations

After Forever After by hockeyhawk ★ - angry frog!Jonny

One moment there was a captain. Next moment there was a frog. Someone has to step up, apparently it's Kaner.

The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All by forochel - hedgehog kaner

It’s a little known fact that the Kane family are in possession of a genetic quirk — an x-linked recessive gene — that basically boils down to this: Kaner turns into a hedgehog one day and gets stuck.

An Experiment In Hedgehog Physics by exmanhater - hedgehog!Kaner

Hedgehog!Kaner has the best ideas.

Hedgehog!Kaner series by altri_uccelli ★  - hedgehog!Kaner

Uhhhh, hedgehog Kaner in Switzerland.

+

Jon brings him up to his neck, cuddling him against the skin of his throat. He’s always done that, way back before everything. Even though it prickles, even though it gives him a light rash sometimes, he just likes Kaner there.

“Been awhile,” he whispers again.

+ A collection of ficlets and tagfic in the hedgehog!Kaner 'verse.

Better Off With You by tictactoews - hedgehog!Jonny 

Tazer has always seemed prickly on the outside, but he takes it to a whole new level when he turns into an actual hedgehog and becomes dependent on Patrick's care.

Changing on the Fly by mermaid - pitbull!Kaner

"Where's Kaner?" Jonny asks. "Where did this pit bull come from?" Duncs chews on his lip. "Uh, see, there's actually only one answer to both those questions."

Still muzzy with sleep, Jonny blinks at the guys. "So, like – Kaner got me a dog? And sent you two here to deliver it?"

"No," Sharpy says. "No, Kaner is the dog."

Duck Tales - duck!Jonny

“I think he needs floaties.”

Patrick resists the strong urge he gets to slam his head against the wall. “Kaner. He’s aduck; I don’t think they make floaties for them. What kind of duck can’t swim?”

“The kind that are magically transformed hockey players?” Kaner suggests and damn it, hehas a point.

Gone to the Dogs - puppy!Jonny

Jonathan Toews turns into a puppy. Then some other stuff happens.

Hooked on a Feeling (podfic available by exmanhater) - pug!Jonny

The one where Patrick is not exactly Bella Swan and Jonathan is definitely not Sparkly Whatshisname.

OR, THE WERE-PUG AU.

Into Each Life Some Rain Will Fall Like Cat Piss on Your Shoes by james - cat!Kaner

Johnny is waiting for Patrick to get home from Switzerland. What he gets is a surprise.

Slip the Jesses, My Love by flitterflutterfly - literally a hawk!Jonny

Jonny’s gets turned into a hawk and the only one he lets hold him is Patrick

The Cat Crept In by Celly1995 - kitten!kaner

Jonny's not entirely sure why he needed to get back to Chicago so urgently, because he *definitely* doesn't want to admit to himself that he's missing Patrick. But it's just as well he did come home, because Patrick's... not himself.

the skies are not cloudy - buffalo!Jonny

In which Jonathan Toews can turn into a buffalo, and Patrick Kane is the idiot in love with him.

Through the Looking Glass - puppy!Jonny, kitten!Kaner

The fic where Tazer becomes a puppy and Kaner turns into a kitten, but Sharpy still doesn't see any difference in how they behave.

To push a frozen rope - kitten!Kaner

It's just another day in the Blackhawks locker room when Patrick Kane decides to turn into a puppy.

you come around and the armor falls by altri_uccelli - puppy!Jonny

Patrick's in bed when he hears it, and at first it sounds like a peep that a phone might make, but then it happens again, elongated like a whine. His only theory is that it's a mouse, caught somewhere, and if Jonny's going to make a nuisance of himself by staying when he's not invited, he can damn well take care of this.

Bonus: IGAL 'verse by svmadelyn has an amazing tumblr tag that has ficlets and tag!fics with puppy!Tazer and doggo kids. Warning cuteness overload

Love & Sex & Magic

#1 Crush - sex magic

Patrick shows up at his and Jonny's hotel room under the influence of sex magic. 5000 words of porn ensues.

caring is creepy by liketheroad ★ - truth magic

When he gets out of the shower Johnny stares at him like Kaner’s the best thing he’s ever seen, which weirds Kaner out even more than the rest of this situation, because what, not even Johnny’s eyes can lie, now? This is some fucked up shit. Fucking Canucks fans, seriously.

 In which Tazer is truth whammied by a Canucks fan and it turns out he has a lot of feelings. Mostly about Kaner. But also about bacon.

Changing the Rules of the Game by Herwhereabouts - magic powers

Tazer has a concussion and is desperate to get better, while Kaner has healing powers he is unaware he possesses. Much drama ensues.

still into you by altri_uccelli - gender transformation

It's not even 12 hours after Jonny discovers he's a girl that he's sprawled on an itchy sofa, biting on his fist and being eaten out by Patrick Kane. He can't believe that a day exists in which having oral sex with Kaner, his oldest friend on the team and frequently a pain in his ass, is not the weirdest thing to happen.

A Handy Guide To Making You Feel Good by fourfreedoms and joyfulseeker - gender transformation

When it had first happened, body melting into this new form right there in front of all the guys, he’d demanded an answer from Jonny. “Did you see this coming?” A five first times fic.

+ “Um…” Patrick says, staring at the water beading down over the curve of one breast and along his taut stomach.

“What?” Jonny asks, furrowing his brows.

Patrick finally gets the chance to lend a helping hand.

Hanging on a Moment of Truth - sex magic

As it turns out, the weird sex magic is the least of Kaner's problems.

i mingle with divinity by mockturtletale - lucky sex magic

“Hey,” Patrick says, putting his hand on Jonny’s thigh, feeling giving, “It’s totally us. You and me, we’re golden when our boners touch. It’s just what happens after that’s unnatural or whatever.”

roving eye ravenous by toomanyhometowns ★ - possession

He opened his mouth to start talking and blinked.

So Deep in My Heart (That You're Really a Part of Me) by kiwoa - bodyswap

"No way," Jonny says, and he slowly turns his - Kaner's - head from side to side, watching the muscles in his face and neck shift. He licks his lips; it tastes wrong. His left wrist feels too stiff and his legs and stomach look too skinny and his hair still itches, damnit. Jonny scratches the back of his neck with nails that are too long and uncomfortably ragged.

"Okay," he says slowly. "Okay, this is not good."

Symptomatic by snapple_jax - sex magic

“What, like it’s hard?” Jonny parrots along with Elle Woods. He side-eyes Patrick, fully prepared for the gleeful chirp about how he knew Jonny loved this movie all along.

Only Pat’s turned an alarming shade of red before scurrying to the bathroom, blanket trailing behind since he couldn’t untangle himself fast enough.

the gift of obedience - obedience magic

Patrick will be fine without Jonny. Really. All he has to do is track down Lucinda and get her to break the spell. He doesn’t even have to liberate an oppressed magical species or find true love along the way.

The Hug Offensive by ingenius - magic powers

When he's five, Patrick figures out that he has a super power. He thinks it's awesome.

under your skin by hazel - bodyswap

Patrick goes to bed that night in Tazer’s guest room. It’s not the first time he’s slept there, but it’s the first time he’s tried to sleep in Tazer’s body. His legs want to kick out weirdly into the corners of the bed, and his head can’t find a comfortable position on the pillow. He drops off eventually anyway, worn from the current of rage he’s been carrying around all day and the constant slow rhythm of Tazer’s heartbeat, drumming in his chest like a cage.

yours and/or mine by demotu - bodyswap

Jonny shows Patrick how it works. And by "it", I mean his dick. Jonny's, but temporarily Patrick's.

love is a contact sport by hazel and mermaid ★ - soul bond

"And the tragic reality of Patrick's life is that even though they broke up over a year ago, he and Johnny still play beautiful hockey together."

A high school AU, featuring dream-fish, bad movie dates, and a little bit of magic.

glory days by liketheroad - soul bond

He never expected his destiny to involve anything but hockey, never thought it would show up in flip flops, but when Patrick smiles at him across the locker room, quick and surprised, Johnny lets his priorities shift and change without a hint of reluctance or regret.

22 by aohatsu ★- soulmate

There’s no other explanation. His soulmate must have turned twenty-two yesterday.

more magical Realism and fantasy

say it with flowers by hazel ★

GOOD WORK, YOUNG HAWK, the oak tree outside his building booms once the season’s over, and Patrick smiles sleepily in its direction.

He's never been sure how the trees of Chicago know about hockey—trees hear a lot, but it's not like he's ever stopped in a public park to ask one about it.

The Purity Myth by downjune ★

Patrick Kane is a unicorn—the ferocious, foul-mouthed, man-hating kind.

these are the fables on my street by Fahye ★

Patrick makes a fucking superhuman effort, sweeps up the mess of his emotions, and stashes his incipient freakout about all of this somewhere in the back of his mind where he can have it later. When Jonny's back in the driver's seat, and Patrick's had a chance to bring up the whole blowjobs-and-beach-walks issue. Focused on the win, that's Patrick Kane.

Custos by hatrickane

The legend goes as this: The Sorcerer of Mount Custos, the guardian, serves as the protector of the farmfolk.

Patrick thinks it's bullshit.

I have as much soul as you (and full as much heart) by Mayhem10

Jonathan Toews was born with only half a heart. He didn't know that the other half existed, let alone that it was held by some irritating American named Patrick Kane.

A Magical Realism AU

May your past be the sound by elareine

After that, Jonny set some rules for himself.

1. No using his power for himself. That just looked like a slippery slope to him. Helping others was fine, though. 2. Consequently, no manipulating the outcome of a game, no matter how badly he wished to change the way he’d played. That would be unfair and undermine any victories. 3. No relationships with teammates. Not related to the time travel thing, but important enough to include in this list. Just because he could turn back time didn’t mean he had to create any more opportunities for a giant clusterfuck than necessary.

(Five times Jonny travelled back in time, one time he couldn't, and one time he chose not to.)

Like a Leaf That's Caught In the Tide by Frosting50

For more than 200 years the Toews men have been blamed for everything that’s ever gone wrong in the town of Pumpkin Hollow. Or the Practical Magic AU no one asked for.

bring it if you really want it by staraflur

It starts like this:

Well, okay, Patrick has no idea how it actually starts. But as pertains to him (in other words, the important part), it goes a little something like so: America, being a nation composed in large part of a melting pot of immigrants who may or may not have taken over land already owned by others using less-than-savory means, doesn’t have much of a magical national identity. Much less a magical continental identity. There’s no grand heritage going back thousands of years. Magical families home-schooled all their kids until, like, the 1800’s, and tough for the muggle-born, apparently. Hopefully you got noticed by someone who knew what to do with you before you got burned at the stake. Since you probably can’t control your powers, sport.

forget met (not) by hippietoews

“You're remembering him, aren't you?" Pat asks. Jon hums quietly.

After the battle with Pitch, Jon never talked about his memories. He didn't share anything about his previous life with the other Guardians. He knows that they have memories of their own previous lives, but they seem so unattached to them now.

Who they are now is what matters.

Long Way Home by tictactoews

Jonathan Toews is a young heir to the Winnipeg castle and estate, but this comfortable and sheltered life is not what he really wants. When circumstances force him to join a group of Grey Wardens - warriors dedicated to defend the world against monstrous enemies - Jonathan finds a new life and new friends, including two runaways from the neighboring country of Orlais, an old friend who's now back in his life, and a rogue elf who will come to mean more to Jonathan than he ever expected anyone could.

Dragon Age AU. No prior knowledge of the game necessary to read this story.Spoilers (if any) for Origins and Awakening.No spoilers for Inquisition.

the times i spent with you

"Pat plays Quidditch because not playing feels like dying. It's just that simple." Quidditch AU

through the mirrored maze

Jonathan's relationship with his daemon is different from anyone else's.

together again for the very first time by draftingletters

Like, seriously, this is the great fucking irony of Kaner’s life. You’d think it’d be pretty awesome, having powers of prophecy and all that, but all the dreams that end up coming true are so hideously fucking boring. It’s the perfectly natural normal dreams his brain spits out that are fucked up. The kind where he plays for the Ducks, or is a professional florist, or a neon green elephant. Or banging Tazer.

the walls kept tumbling down (in the city that we loved) series by altri_uccelli 

“Patrick wonders idly what Toews' daemon is; something like a python, maybe, or a bird of prey. It would just figure if it were a hawk, Patrick thinks in disgust; he's already starting to hate Toews a little so he tries to dial it back. Then he notices a big cat—some kind of, like, mountain lion—sitting well apart from the other daemons. It's watching the ice intently, and if Patrick had anyone to bet with, he knows where he'd put his money.”

+ fighting dragon remix ★ by altri_uccelli

A month ago, Jon thinks: a month ago he hadn't even heard of daemons, hadn't yet had his life turned upside down by a talking otter and a boy with dimples and the smoothest skin he'd ever touched and secrets held close behind long-lashed blue eyes.

world enough and time

The effect is instantaneous: Jonathan jerks forwards, gasping, and over the white-noise screaming his eyes are wide and frightened and fiercely alive. In that instant Patrick thinks, clear as a bell, god, he’s gorgeous. Fuck. (A Pushing Daisies AU.)

For fic inquires. Rec me a fic? Happy reading!

[the-4ofswords]

Hi! I'm a huge fan of everything you've written. Would it might be possible for you to share some of your favorite fics written by other authors?

Firstly, thank you kindly! Glad to hear it.

As to your request, I’m not a big fan of doing recs posts because I’m lazy, so know that you got really lucky with this thinger here. I chose things that I think deserve a little bit more love, or are somewhat off the beaten path, because all of us know how to sort on kudos. (also, all K/T)

I’m Your Handyman, Lenore, E, 7027 words - Patrick breaks things, Johnny fixes them, and then there are feelings; or a tale of home repair and boys being really, really dumb.

I love the boys being both competent and silly and this was a lot of fun with hot sexy times besides.

*

Know The Ledge, my99centdreams, E, 2146 words - Patrick can hear himself breathing too loud, heavy and shallow, as he holds Jonny open. It’s embarrassing. He shouldn’t be getting so worked up over Jonny to begin with.

I can’t believe this fic is only 2000 words long. It packs in so much–one of my favorite porn stories in this fandom of all time.

*

Crossroad Blues, ActiveVirtues, E, 24,220 words - In which the demon Patrick Kane gives Jonathan Toews everything he’s ever wanted.

I come from SPN fandom many, many years back, so this was just everything I could’ve ever hoped for.

*

I’ll be the embrace that keeps you warm, longtime_lurker, E, 12260 words - It is like death, but it is not death; lovelier. / Cold, inconvenienced, late, what will you do now / with the gift of your left life?

longtime_lurker is a go-to reread for me, and this is one of my favorites. this fic has such amazing and strong prose with deeply resonant characterizations for both Jonny and Patrick. However, I’d probably happily read her rendition of a takeout menu, so.

*

Together In This Place, joyfulseeker, E, 12952 words - Practice is another reassuring mix of faces Patrick knows, drills he understands, Coach’s calls from the side. It feels good, like he’s flexing muscles that had gone tired and unused while he was over in Europe. He and Jonny are put on opposite sides playing keep-away, and he feels easier and easier on the ice, his pads and helmet a familiar weight on his body. He is going to light it up this season.

This fic was written it what I remember was a complete lull in the fandom. Nothing was getting posted, and so when it went up, me and andsparkles were like, oh god, it’ll probably be seriously underwhelming, but it was such an amazing breath of fresh air. I really, really loved this take on them and on the lockout shortened season.

*

changing the rules of the game, herwhereabouts, E, 17250 words - Tazer has a concussion and is desperate to get better, while Kaner has healing powers he is unaware he possesses. Much drama ensues.

This is an amazing take on the magical healing cock trope, omg.

*

I Could Dream of Ways to See You, I Could Close My Eyes to Dream, Frosting50, E, 2686 words - Misunderstandings and matchmaking. Cameos by real “Texts from Last Night.”

This is such a cute and sweet au, really love this and all its sequels.

*

Always Be My Baby, juliusschmidt, E, 28714 words - The thing is, you don’t just grow up once.

This fic makes me cry. I have read it and read it again, it is definitely my favorite futurefic in the entire fandom bar none.

*

Overwhelming, Vitula, M, 8730 words - Pat turns around and then Jonny’s hand is on his shoulder, twisting him back around. For a moment he thinks he’s actually going to get punched. Then Jonny’s growling “I could say something nice if you were ever good enough to deserve it.”

Patrick narrows his eyes.

“Fine. Prove it. Every time I play better than you in a game for the next month, you have to compliment me.”

Praise kink, oh my jesus. So good.

*

look around once in a while, achilleees, M, 11123 words - One man’s struggle to take it easy.Based off of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” but instead of girlfriends and daddy issues, there’s hockey and pining. And daddy issues.

I started this on caltrain the morning I first read it, and snuck off during my first break that morning to finish it. It’s very sweet and charming. And oh my god, that was a million years ago. GOD I’M OLD.

*

Fizzle, cupstealer, E, 4338 words - Jonny pretty much knows when he’s playing well. Pat likes to tell him anyways.(In which Kaner needs to chill.)

I was at my college reunion when this was posted in 2015 and was hiding away in a corner reading while the festivities happened (also did that for the game on the last night, lol). I’m still sad there aren’t 5 million words more.

*

Try to Know The Unavoidable Thing, andsparkles, E, 24438 words - Jonathan Toews comes to town the day Sharpy and Abby finally admit what everyone has known for years: they’re getting married.

This fic fucked me up. I got to see it grow over the year that she wrote it, and I’m still just totally floored from where it ended.

*

Pacific Standard Time, M, 2413 words - Jonathan Toews can’t sleep in a quiet room.

One of the very first fics I read in this fandom, literally five million years ago. It’s amazing how this really doesn’t feel dated, despite being nearly seven fucking years old!

*

‘Cause You’re All I’ve Got Tonight, sorrylatenew, E, 3140 words - It feels so fucking good and Patrick can already tell, already knows this one’s gonna leave him messed up afterwards.

This is another one where so fucking much is packed into only 3000 words. How does sorrylatenew do this? I am amazed.

*

Catching An Edge, MJBadger, M, 11965 words - A sequel to one of my favorite fics of all time, Take You There by ellievolia and hazel.

So the fic that this is based off of is deleted. That said, I don’t think you need to read the first one at all to understand. This is another really lovely and atmospheric futurefic.

*

Try to Change the Game, reserve, E, 2436 words, - Relegated to Buffalo after the Great Drunken Campus Tour of 2012, Patrick has to ask permission before doing… just about everything.

This is just the kind of D/s I like. I never wanted this fic to endddd.

[onlynot]

Teen Wolf - a summary

October 13, 2011 by (https://www.sarahreesbrennan.com/2011/10/teen-wolf/)

So, my resolution to blog more! How about blogging hilarious TV? I have rarely seen TV more hilarious than Teen Wolf.

I will give any show with elements of ze supernatural a chance, because I love me some fantasy. The basic premise of this show seems to be: People sure do like that Twilight! If we did a show all about werewolves, it would just be about the shirtless dudes in Twilight, and SURELY everyone would like that.

Fine by me, as I am devoted to The Vampire Diaries, also building on the popularity of Twilight. I was excited!

I watched half the pilot, and myself and the roomie gave up in disgust. Then a few months passed… I heard there was an actual gay character (In a supernatural show? Not a metaphor? Not subtext? An actual gay character? Actually?)… we gave it another try. Had our standards lowered, had we gone mad, did it get better? Who can say. But we watched the whole season.

Without further ado I present to you the tale of the Most Useless Werewolf In the World, and the People Who (Inexplicably) Love Him.

WELCOME TO BEACON HILLS

POPULATION: 2375. SHIRTS: 4. LACROSSE FANS: 2375 (there was one dude in Beacon Hills who wasn’t a lacrosse fan, but the werewolves killed that guy.)

SCOTT MCCALL: Our hapless protagonist. Severely asthmatic. Dumb as a box of rocks. Does not own a shirt. STILES: Obligatory genre-savvy best friend of protagonist. Is on meds for ADHD, super smart but cannot focus in class. Owns all the shirts in town. Never shares. SARAH: appreciates the fact that there are reasons for these kids to be loners, rather than ‘too deep to fit in.’

JACKSON: Minor antagonist. Captain of the lacrosse team! LACROSSE is very big in California. Dumb as a box of slightly more intelligent rocks than Scott’s. LYDIA: his beautiful mean-girl girlfriend. Sekritly smart but pretending not to be to please him. (Lydiaaaaaa.)

ALLISON: beautiful new girl in town. Family has lots of weapons. Surname Argent. SCOTT: … does not speak French.

SCOTT: I got bit by a wolf and now I am awesome at lacrosse! Rule! STILES: This is lycanthropy, Scott. SCOTT: OH MY GOD, IS THAT SERIOUS? WILL I GET A RASH?

SCOTT: Couldn’t help but use new super hearing to discover you need a PENCIL, new girl? ALLISON: I like you. You have a certain animal magnetism. SCOTT: Rule.

JACKSON: So you are suddenly awesome at sports, and kind of aggressive. Where are you buying the juice? SCOTT: My mom does all our grocery shopping?

TALL, DARK MYSTERIOUS STRANGER: *looms* SCOTT: Who that? STILES: Derek Hale. Few years older than us? Of the Hale family…? Who all died except Derek and his sister, who were in school when the house was burned down around their family by arsonists who were never caught? That’s why his face looks like that all the time. DEREK: 🙁 SCOTT: House that burned down six years ago, leaving many dead, terrified orphans, unsolved arson case, and a burned-out manor in the woods? Don’t remember that… STILES: Seriously? You are my best friend, and my dad is the sheriff. Everyone in a small town would know this. SCOTT: … Not ringing a bell…

STILES: I seriously suggest that you do not go to this party on full moon night. SCOTT: No. I must go on a date with Allison. IT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING. STILES: More important than people’s lives? SCOTT: As my friend you must try to understand my priorities, no matter how dumb or sociopathic they may be.

SCOTT: I am a wolf. This is so awkward. DEREK: Allison, you look like you need a lift home. STILES: Allison, just checking you got home okay. ALLISON: I’m touched by the concern for my safety shown by all the boys who WEREN’T my dates to the party.

SCOTT: I am a wolf. This is so awkward. DEREK: Please attempt to not get shot by these hunters. I will protect you. SCOTT: You are also a werewolf! OMG! You bit me! You jerk! Oh my god, people are shooting at me! I’m so mad in so many directions and I have so many questions! First of course is, how will this affect my relationship with Allison, the werewolf hunters’ daughter? Did she talk about me on the car ride home? DEREK: 🙁

STILES: We must deal with this problem! SCOTT: Do you think I should send Allison flowers? STILES: No… the werewolf problem… STILES: Scott, come with me and help me find the dead body buried in Derek’s yard and then I will summon my father the sheriff! DEREK: No, see, that is my sister. SCOTT: … Sick, dude. DEREK: Someone ELSE killed her. Someone ELSE bit you. A DIFFERENT WEREWOLF. And my sister was my ALPHA, i.e. the boss of me. And now there is a new alpha, i.e. the boss of us, and we are betas and we need to team up and defeat our evil wolf overlord! SCOTT: I do not want to. DEREK: And I will help you be a werewolf. SCOTT: … Then I can date Allison! DEREK: 🙁

DEREK: Due to the fact that physical aggression and other physical stuff could turn you into a wolflike monster that will kill people, I suggest you do not play lacrosse or date Allison. STILES: Due to the wolfishness, maybe cool it on the lacrosse and dating? SCOTT: I REFUSE. WITHOUT ALLISON AND LACROSSE, LIFE HAS NO MEANING.

JACKSON: Oh my God, Scott is even good at bowling. LIFE HAS NO MEANING. JACKSON: … I must know his dark, bowling-prowess-related secret. It is my no. 1 priority! LYDIA: I wonder if they put ‘bad taste in men’ in the Beacon Hills water.

SCOTT: I am so filled with angst at the unreasonableness of my friends. COACH: What is it McCall? Is it a girl? SCOTT: Noooooot exactly. COACH: Oh okay. So, Jackson’s best friend Danny is single and into dudes? He is a hot guy. And a great goalie. Keep it in the team, you know what I’m saying. SCOTT: It’s cool. COACH: You cannot do better than Danny, son.

STILES: I will train you to be a werewolf, Derek is an ass. DEREK: 🙁 My face is just stuck this way. 🙁

SCOTT: *knocks out Danny in wolfy lacrosse throes* JACKSON: NOT MY BFF. I WILL END YOU. EVERYONE ELSE: Danny? That is so uncool. STILES: Scott, I have figured out that Allison’s voice dewolfs you! STILES: Also, Danny? That is so uncool. STILES: Do you think Danny likes me? Am I attractive to gay guys? SCOTT: This show is not called Teen Sidekick. Let us discuss MY problems ONLY. JACKSON: *is a better friend than Scott*

JACKSON: I don’t want to watch the Notebook again, Lydia. JACKSON: Hey video clerk, I need the Notebook… Oh. I see you’ve been brutally murdered by a werewolf. Awkward. Time to faint and have the werewolf claw at my neck? Yes indeed. DEREK: We must deal with this evil werewolf menace. SCOTT: What rhymes with ‘Allison’? DEREK: 🙁

BLOND VICTIM LADY: drivin’ along, dead of night, wind in my hair, werewolf on the roof… BLOND VICTIM LADY: Must stop to freshen makeup and go after werewolf with bazooka. BLOND VICTIM LADY: *actually Allison’s Aunt Kate*

AUNT KATE: *pursues werewolves, shoots Derek with wolfsbane bullet* DEREK: My life. 🙁

DEREK: *faint from gunshot wound* Must find Scott. He will help me. JACKSON: Scott is useless. DEREK: Buddy, nobody is more aware of that than me, but I am out of options okay. 🙁 JACKSON: I presume due to leather jacket AND stubble that you are Scott’s drug dealer? What are you selling Scott? DEREK: I am either going to kill you or faint. JACKSON: You should quit sampling the merchandise.

STILES: JESUS CHRIST, IT’S A SICKLY WEREWOLF! GET IN THE CAR. DEREK: Scott, I need your help. You must go to Allison’s house and find the bullets used to shoot me so I may cure myself. SCOTT: That will be my second priority. My first is impressing Allison’s parents and Aunt Kate. I LOVE ALLISON. DEREK: I am dying. 🙁 STILES: I am driving a dying dude around in my car. 🙁 STILES: Can I drop you off anywhere? DEREK: I will rip your throat out with my teeth. 🙁 STILES: You are such an alarming person. 🙁 SCOTT: What beautiful chintz curtains, Mr and Mrs Werewolf Hunter! You have a lovely home. I am happy to sit and chat all day.

DEREK: Okay, I’m ripping off my shirt. STILES: Oh, of course. I know how werewolves like to do that. Is it for angsty showering in your jeans? I know werewolves enjoy that occupation greatly. Is it for a lingering locker room shot? Is it to celebrate Tuesday? DEREK: You are the only person in this town who is ever useful, and thus I would like you to chainsaw off my arm. STILES: … Scott never asks me to do this… STILES: I am not accustomed to this new alarming shirtlessness. STILES: You are such an alarming person. 🙁 DEREK: JUST CHAINSAW OFF MY ARM!!!!!! 🙁 DEREK AND STILES: Our lives are terrible. 🙁 🙁

SCOTT: After a lingering dinner, I have located the bullet in Aunt Kate’s bag. AUNT KATE: Who the hell went through my bag? SCOTT: !!!! ALLISON: Me. Wanted condoms. SCOTT: I could not be happier about this on so many levels. STILES AND DEREK: BOY ARE WE PLEASED TO SEE YOU.

STILES: So Danny, how is Jackson after seeing a brutal murder? Did he see any evidence werewolves are real? DANNY: He is traumatised and you are crazy. STILES: Do you think I am hot? DANNY: … crazy.

STILES: Lydia how are you feeling? LYDIA: Medicated! STILES: So you will have no recollection of this conversation? LYDIA: None at all! STILES: Is there any chance you could ever love me? LYDIA: None at all! STILES: Do you have a problem with me deleting incriminating pictures of werewolves off your phone? LYDIA: None at all!

AUNT KATE: Hey, any werewolves working out in this burned-out mansion? DEREK: 🙁 AUNT KATE: Derek, meet tazer. AUNT KATE: Whoa, Derek the werewolf, way to grow up hot. Should I kill you or lick you? DEREK: 🙁 AUNT KATE: I looooooooove torturing werewolves with tazers. DEREK: *escapes through woods* DEREK’S SHIRT: *does not escape*

SCOTT AND ALLISON: While all this plot stuff is happening to other people, we are talking a lovers’ stroll in the woods! DEREK AND STILES: Oh, take your time, guys.

SCOTT, ALLISON, DEREK, LYDIA, JACKSON & STILES: *rounded up and trapped in darkened school by Alpha* STILES: At least Derek, the other active character in this plot, is here. ALPHA: *rips out Derek’s lungs* DEREK: 🙁 STILES: Just me then. Forever alone. LYDIA: I can make Molotov cocktails? JACKSON: Baby, I will mess up your making of Molotov cocktails so we are totally defenceless. ALLISON: I wish I had my crossbow. ALLISON AND LYDIA: *would clearly be good characters if freed from the tyranny of strictly romantic storylines with the two dumbest dudes on the show* SARAH: Free Allison and Lydia!

SCOTT: I can explain everything. SCOTT: … DEREK HALE IS THE KILLER. STILES: NEVER TALK AGAIN. ALLISON: Scott, you are clearly lying and involved in shady business, so, Imma break up with you.

JACKSON: I am all sweaty and pale and weird from my werewolf clawing! Allison… I really like you. ALLISON: Oh my God. JACKSON: And Scott. I really, really like Scott. ALLISON: You are obviously high. JACKSON: Let’s all be frienz.

STILES: Scott, will you find out if maybe Lydia could ever be attracted to me? SCOTT: You are my best friend, and you have saved me from both death and murder of all my loved ones many, many times. You are the most awesome friend. I will totally do this. SCOTT: And by ‘talk to Lydia’ you meant ‘make out with Lydia myself’ right? STILES: 🙁

STILES: I’ve come to visit Scott, and I have brought bondage gear. *cuffs best friend to radiator* SCOTT’S MOM: You kids play nice. STILES: I’m still mad, but I don’t want you to kill people. I really am the most awesome friend. I’m going to stand guard now, listening to you growl and howl, with my head in my hands. STILES: … also my mom’s dead. SCOTT: Uh, are you not aware that Allison broke up with me? Why does it have to be all about YOUR pain all the time? God. *breaks out of chains*

DEREK: Hey I’m alive! And saving Scott from killing his girlfriend while a crazed wolf. Scott, has this experience made you rethink any of your life decisions? SCOTT: I don’t know what you’re talking about. DEREK: 🙁 SCOTT: By the way, I told the whole town you were a psychopathic murderer. DEREK: 🙁 🙁 🙁

STILES: Derek what are you doing in my bedroom? DEREK: I have to hide out here, because I’m a fugitive. STILES: MY DAD IS THE SHERIFF! Wouldn’t Scott’s house make more sense? DEREK: Scott is writing sonnets about Allison right now. He may put them to music later. 🙁

DON’T MAKE HIM GO BACK THERE.

SHERIFF: Son… your first lacrosse game where you actually get to play is on later today. I am so excited. STILES: DUN COME IN MAH ROOM! YES.. I AM EXCITED TOO… HUGS NOW SERIOUSLY LEAVE. SHERIFF: What kind of crazy porn is the kid watching in there?

STILES: So I’m going to look into the text that lured us all to school to be murdered that day. Who sent it? My lab partner has mad hacking skills I WILL make him use to find out. DANNY: I absolutely will not use my hacking skills. Who is that guy hanging out in your room? STILES: He’s not a fugitive. If that’s why you’re looking at him. He’s not a wanted killer. He’s my cousin… Miguel… DANNY: He’s got blood on his shirt. STILES: FROM NOSEBLEEDS. Change your shirt, Miguel. DANNY: ohhhh myyyyyyyyy god. STILES: … I’ve just had a brilliant idea.

STILES: You know that scene where the femme fatale distracts the dude for the con? Congrats Derek! You are the femme fatale. DEREK: 🙁 STILES: Try on every shirt in my wardrobe. DEREK: THEY ARE ALL TOO TIGHT. 🙁 STILES: Is that so? You surprise me! Proceed. DANNY: OH MY GOD, COMING OVER TO YOUR HOUSE IS AWESOME. STILES: Work it, tiger. So, Danny, about those hacking skills? DEREK: 🙁 STILES: My house, my rules. DANNY: Your house rules.

The rules are that you can leave your hat on, werewolf. Oh, what’s that? You’re not wearing a hat?

DANNY: Scott’s mom was the one who sent Scott the text. Radically exciting news. STILES: Scott’s mom lured us to the school? … Scott’s MOM is an evil werewolf? Um. Thanks, Danny! Later, Danny. DANNY: LATER MIGUEL. DEREK: 🙁

STILES: Scott’s mom can’t be the werewolf! DEREK: So who do you think it was using her phone from the hospital where she works? My fire-scarred comatose Uncle Peter? STILES: To the hospital, let us investigate! SCOTT: I don’t understand why you’re not coming to the game, Stiles. STILES: Because people dying is more important than lacrosse. SCOTT: … I don’t understand what you mean when you say that… DEREK: I do, though. 🙁 STILES: Are we having a beautiful moment? DEREK: No! Because you made me feel CHEAP earlier. 🙁 *bangs Stiles’s head against steering wheel*

STILES: Ahahaha, so the alpha IS your comatose Uncle Peter. DEREK: Well, crap. I was only saying that to be ironic. 🙁 CRAZY UNCLE PETER: All the aunts and uncles on this show are crazy. DEREK: Stiles, run! STILES: I absolutely will. I’ll get Scott! DEREK: That is such a sweet thought. But Scott is useless. 🙁

JACKSON: I’ve worked out you’re a werewolf! MAKE ME A WEREWOLF TOO. BITE ME, BITE ME, BITE ME… SCOTT: Augh! It doesn’t work that way! Augh! JACKSON: Yeah well make it work or I will make sweet love to your lady. SCOTT: NO! Not my LADY! JACKSON: Yep. I will do her someplace you will hear with your super wolf hearing and you will hear every moan and pant we make and… STILES: What is up, bro? SCOTT: Um, Jackson’s… talking dirty to me?

JACKSON: Bite me bite me bite any bit of exposed skin you like bite me bite me. DEREK: The schoolboys in this town will not stop hitting on me. 🙁 And I have enough problems already.

Jackson is being very inappropriate today.

ALLISON: I’m so done feeling helpless and as if people, such as my boyfriend and entire family, are keeping life-threatening secrets from me. I am going to practise my crossbow skills. LYDIA: I will come too! SARAH: Free Allison and Lydia!

Oh Allison. I know Teen Wolf is killing you. Allison! Your aim is true.

DEREK: I am evil now. Yep… totally evil. You and I should probably team up… with my evil Uncle Peter, until such time as we can catch him unawares. SCOTT: YOU MONSTER. DEREK: 🙁

JACKSON: Derek I’m in your burned out manor bite me bite me bite me bite me- DEREK: KID, I SWEAR TO GOD- SCOTT: Unhand him you MONSTER. HUNTERS: Oh hi. DEREK: Run, kids! AUNT KATE: Oh look, I have shot Derek, and I intend to keep him chained up in my basement. And electrocute him. And lick him. DEREK: MY LIFE. 🙁

JACKSON: Lydia, once I am a werewolf I won’t need a girlfriend! Welcome to Dumped-So-I-Can-Spend-Time-In-The-Woods-With-Shirtless-Dudes-Ville, population you. ALLISON: Lydia, since you macked on Scott, be a friend and take Stiles to the dance? STILES: Yay! My life is finally looking up! Finally! LYDIA: I love Jackson sooooooo much. STILES: Or not. UNCLE PETER: How’s about I lure Lydia out to the lacrosse pitch and savage her? STILES: OR NOT. 🙁

ALLISON: I wish somebody would tell me the plot of the TV show I am in! AUNT KATE: We’re werewolf hunters, Allison. Check out this werewolf. Isn’t he hot? I’m torturing him, and it is super fun! DEREK: 🙁 ALLISON: … I retract my wish.

AUNT KATE: Electrocute, knife, lick abs, electrocute… AUNT KATE: Remember when you were fifteen and I seduce-molested you, and you thought we were in love, and I used you to locate your family, and then burned your whole family horribly to death? DEREK: 🙁 AUNT KATE: Goooooood times.

This is why Derek’s face always looks like this. Derek wishes everyone would just cut it out.

SCOTT: I’m not allowed to be at this dance because I am failing all my classes! Danny–please, please dance with me. COACH: You’re not allowed to- EVERYONE IN SCHOOL: *deathglare* COACH: LOVELY TO SEE SUCH HAPPINESS. Dance, children. Dance. DANNY’S BOYFRIEND: Uh, step off my man. DANNY: Look, guys throw themselves into my arms 24/7 around here. We are the number two town for shirtlessness in America, for God’s sake! I can’t help it. Don’t hate the player: hate the game.

SCOTT: Now I can dance with Allison! As Stiles pleads for Lydia’s life on the lacrosse pitch, and Derek is tortured by his molester for the 3rd consecutive episode, I am sure everyone is totally invested in this romantical moment. ALLISON: Scott I have something important and plot-relevant to say about werew… SCOTT: Shhh, honey. Shhhh.

ALL THE GIRLS IN TEEN WOLF: are wasted. Teen Wolf, be better than this.

UNCLE PETER: Help me find Derek or I kill you. STILES: How do you expect me to do this? UNCLE PETER: You’re the only smart person on the show. STILES: A fair point. Okay, but help for Lydia first! OR YOU CAN JUST KILL ME. UNCLE PETER: Smarts and a moral compass. I like you. STILES: I don’t want werewolves to like me. 🙁 STILES: … Except Scott, obviously.

STILES: Okay, I’m going to break into Scott’s computer to get Derek’s phone number to trace him via GPS… UNCLE PETER: Scott’s user name is Allison? … Scott’s password is also Allison? STILES: Still want him in your pack?

UNCLE PETER: You know, I am Crazy Uncle Peter, but I am not this crazy. I totes wish I had bitten you instead, Stiles. SARAH: AND SO SAY ALL OF US. UNCLE PETER: Can I bite you? Can I can I can I bite you? STILES: Um… no… thank you? UNCLE PETER: I know you want it. STILES: No… thank you… very much?

BEACON HILLS: no. 2 for shirtlessness. no. 1 for inappropriate physical contact, often of a bitey nature.

SCOTT: Derek, I found you in Allison’s basement, mostly by accident! Let me unchain you. DEREK: Oh, thank you, Scott. At last I have a friend and ally who- SCOTT: First promise me to protect Allison’s family from Uncle Peter. DEREK: Let me get this straight – a condition of my freedom is to protect the woman who molested me and massacred my entire family? SCOTT: I <3 Allison! DEREK: ... You unbelievable jerk. 🙁 STILES: I must go save the day, I sense a confrontation with evil is imminent, and Scott is entirely helpless without me due to his non-functioning brain. JACKSON: I will help you! Trust me! ALLISON'S DAD: Who is the other werewolf and where are they all? STILES: Pardon me, Mr Crazy? I know not these 'werewolves' of which you sp- JACKSON: I WILL TELL YOU EVERYTHING. STILES: Oh for the love of God. ALLISON AND AUNT KATE: Werewolf hunting is a go! UNCLE PETER: Killing Aunt Kate is a go! UNCLE PETER: Sorry Allison, but she really was a bitch. SCOTT: Allison, we are both totally about to get et by Uncle Peter. So it's important for me to take this time to tell you that I love you very, very much. STILES: I AM HERE AND I BROUGHT MOLOTOV COCKTAILS! Lydia is more useful than Scott and Jackson, and she is unconscious for the entire episode! JACKSON: I'm here too... ALLISON AND STILES: Molotov cocktails and crossbow prowess unite! UNCLE PETER: *burns* DEREK: I'm going to kill him now. SCOTT: Derek no, if I kill him it might reverse my werewolf curse! Or it might make me the alpha and boss of you... DEREK: I cannot contemplate a future in which you are the alpha. *kills* AUDIENCE: I cannot blame Derek for a single, solitary moment. ALLISON: Daddy please don't kill my boyfriiiiiiiend. We already killed the bad werewolf. ALLISON'S DAD: Well, this is underwhelming. STILES: So Lydia is not dying or transforming, which means some other supernatural crap that I, of course who else, must solve. It is always me. JACKSON: Hey Derek I am trespassing in your home again bite me bite me bite me- DEREK: I just killed my last living relative and I am feeling a little unstable. 🙂 JACKSON: ... What is that? I have never seen your face do that before. SCOTT AND ALLISON: The viewers will be relieved to know that we love each other very, very much! VIEWERS: are very much hoping to see a progression in Scott and Allison’s relationship in the next season.

[wellmeaningshutin]

Short Story #7: Living in the Moment.

Written: 12/22/2016

She looked down at her watch, apparently only five minutes had passed since she was informed that she has the bug, the disease with the name that sounds helpful but is anything but, and she wasn’t sure if she should get up and leave or if she should just continue to sit in silence, but eventually she left. She finally put her phone down, got off of the couch, and left her house to talk a walk around the woods by her house, to get her mind off of things.

As she walked down the cracked sidewalk and took in the warm Summer air, the way the light hit everything that made all of the colors so much brighter, even the yellow of her sun dress gave off a glow, she questioned who gave it to her in the first place. It was definitely her fault that she was infected with AIDS, she touched a stranger’s blood at least once a month so she knew it was her fault really since she never got herself tested. To her it always seemed like something you got from sex or dirty needles, but, she kicked a bright red can into a puddle, it landed with a soft but satisfying plop, she should’ve paid more attention to the hazards that came with her night life, but hindsight is 20/20. She enjoyed taking big breathes of the warm air, and took her time walking to the woods that loomed in the distance. She wasn’t necessarily sad right now, she turned that feeling off for the moment, she was just peaceful. She had a firm grasp of her own mortality and she now knew around when and how she would die, and it was comforting in a sense.

When she got to the last house on the street, before the dead end, she saw Mrs. Applesworth watering her lawn, then the old woman saw her too and waved her over. “How are you doing Gloria? Nice day isn’t it?” The first question a formality, the second one genuine.

"Yeah its beautiful. Its a shame that fall will be here soon enough.”

“Well thats why theres nothing better than the now.” The old woman laughed and Gloria did too, but not in agreement but because she knew the old woman used this phrase because in an hour or so her husband would be home, and would probably get drunk and beat her like he usually did. He was a traveling salesman and was so used to the job that it pained him to come home, so he took it out on his wife the same way his father did onto him. “You going for a walk in the forest?” It was a common spot for Gloria to visit.

“Yeah, I figured might as well until it gets dark. How’s it going with Mr. Applesworth?”

“Wonderfully,” she said looking at Gloria from behind her sunglasses with a black eye, “Marriage is a struggle for some, but when you find the right man,” she gave a genuine smile, “life becomes beautiful.” Nothing like living in the moment.

“Have a good day then!” Gloria said cheerfully, resuming her walk.

“You too! And be careful of the critters in there!”

“You know I will.”

She climbed over the wooden barrier that marked the end of this civilized area and the start of the wilderness, around it there were almost always beer cans and cigarette butts from the local teenagers who would always hang out here, only venturing in the woods to fuck each other. When she entered the woods she never looked back until she knew that she was far enough in for the neighborhood and fences to be out of sight, she liked to be fully immersed. It was beautiful that day and she took in the smell of pine and almost forgot why she went in the first place, until she apathetically remembered that she was marked for death, which gave her a chuckle. When she heard the stream running nearby she looked behind her to see nothing but trees, undergrowth, and dirt, no signs of people anywhere, this was her happy place.

She walked down stream for some time until she reached the charred tree, split in half, killed by lightning, that formed a makeshift bridge over the stream. She crossed this, then kept walking until she found the spot she was dead set on visiting, the large white rock. To anyone else the area was just a clearing with nothing but dirt and a sun bleached boulder dead center, but to her this was her real life, the one she hid away back in civilization. She walked in circles around the stone, examining the forest bed, and then finally stopped and started brushing the dirt off of one area. Realizing she should’ve brought a trowel, since taking a shovel into the woods looks fairly suspicious, she left the clearing for a bit to find something to dig with, and she returned with a flat stone that she used as a shovel head to dig away the earth.

She was finally greeted by a face, albeit rotted, of a man in his mid forties, hair balding, thick mustache, physical features now murky. She leaned in close to him, “Was it you?” No response. He was some married used car salesman who made the mistake of coming on to her at a local bar. She knew he was married because she wasn’t his first option that night and one of his marks had informed him, angrily, that he still had his wedding ring on, but he was quick to recover, slipped it into his pocket, and then sat down next to Gloria, trying the same damn routine that he tried with the last girl. She couldn’t remember what he said because she didn’t have to listen, her head swelled with the contempt she had for the man and she knew all she had to do was nod every once and a while, laugh when he laughed, and when he’d make the inevitable, and disgusting, offer of taking the conversation elsewhere she’d agree and leave with him.

During those car rides she was always incredibly forward, usually not long after driving, when the area seemed about right, she would start stroking his crotch, kiss his neck, then tell him to pull over, she couldn’t wait. This made the sap too excited to realized that they were out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, just empty streets and empty buildings. She told him she had protection, to which he replied with something like “Dirty girl” or “You came prepared, didn’t you?”, but she was used to these pathetic responses and they all just kind of blended together in her mind, one big blur of disgusting old men. He started taking off his shirt in the meantime, she remembered because he was more excited than the others had been, and when he pulled his shirt off of his head she lunged her tazer into his neck and he jerked around like a fish out of water.

Later when the car was on fire somewhere, and she was wheeling him in a wheelbarrow through the woods, while he tried to mumble something and figure out what was going on, she reached the clearing and dumped him out onto the soil. He, being very disoriented, tried to get to his feet but she was already above him, her bat moving swiftly in a downwards arc, cracking his skull and leaving blood to splatter aggressively against her and the rock behind her. She then kept up the tradition of hitting him until she got it out of her system and then would proceed to bury him for a while, sometimes stripping naked to mock her prey, showing that death was the only way to see her naked, it was the price they paid for their disgusting habits.

Looking back on this she realized this general ritual is how she was infected. Sanitation and health concerns never really came to mind and now she was sick from a very preventable disease. The clearing now made her feel stupid, so she brushed the dirt over the salesman’s exposed and ugly face and began to leave the woods, realizing that she should’ve stayed home. On the walk out, which was beautiful with the way the sunset had hit the forest, she saw several doe grazing off in the distance, but no buck to watch them. She scanned all around the forest, turning in circles, to find their protector, but he was nowhere to be found, so she kept walking. The does watched her intently as she left, even though they were a hundred feet a way they still felt vulnerable to this unknown element, this possible predator lurking in their woods.

When she reached the barrier to the woods, and climbed over into the dead end, she saw Mr. Applesworth’s car pulled into their drive way and she could hear lots of shouting, but like the rest of that awful neighborhood she just ignored it and moved on. The neighborhood was less interesting in the dusk, the street lights had started to turn on and when she reached her house she just decided to plop herself on the curb out front. Several teens were making their way down the street, probably to go hangout at the dead end, and when they passed her she bummed a cigarette off of them. At first they were hesitant, but then she could tell they were then able to make out her face in the dark and handed one over flirtatiously. While she lighted it, they started to try to strike up a conversation with her, and while having to stuff down the urge to burn one of them in the eye she just ignored them and kept smoking, and after enough time they gave up and walked away towards the dead end, one of them muttering “icy bitch” under his breath.

She didn’t know how long she wanted to sit out there for, but she just stayed out there anyways. She started to think about her elderly neighbor, whose husband had stopped yelling some time ago, and she could see had drunkenly left to the garage to work on his car, he probably liked the thing more than his wife. She dropped what was left of her cigarette on the ground and stamped it out. She looked over at the woman’s house and realized that she was right about living in the moment, but only because of their situations. Gloria realized that both her and the old woman’s chances of dropping dead by the end of the year were pretty high, so there was no reason to really worry about it and it would just be easy to enjoy life and enjoy the little things as they happen, there is no longer a big picture, just brief existence than nothing. She wouldn’t have to worry anymore of her past, of the horrible things her softball coach had done to her, her parents not listening, her sanitary negligence, or her potential future of incarceration, which was now inexistent. She’d probably be dead by then, and the thought brought a smile to her face, nothing like the now.

She watched the teens hanging out at the dead end with distaste, all they did was smoke, drink, and talk loudly about a lot of shit that didn’t matter. After a little while of this she went back inside her house, walked to the kitchen, and rummaged around her cabinets until she found a bottle of whiskey, a quarter of it already drunken. Then she grabbed a small knife, opened the bottle, pricked her finger, and let some droplets make their way into the dark brown liquid, until she was sure there was enough disease inside. Then she shook it up, and hoped that the teenagers, who she was going to thank for lending the cigarette, were ignorant enough about whiskey to not notice.