#one just has to know how to navigate and curate while not put hatred as the front of the locomotive train

[fellow-traveller]

A slight rant, I suppose. But it's more frustration than annoyance.

(under the cut because I don't want to spoil someone's day with this discourse)

I'm pretty much active in Twitter/X mainly because of the 1 Day 1 Hol Horse thing, but when I ventured deeper into the JoJo fandom, I realised the anti-proship discourse is just a huge WHY for me.

Like, why does this mess have to exist?

Why does one have the need to not interact with other fans in the same fandom, especially if they also share a similar preference?

Why can't everyone just like what they like, and leave what they don't, without harming actual fans, like sending death threats, trolling, doxxing, rallying hate etc?

To clarify, I've only known about this new definition of anti-proship about this year, when I got active again in the JoJo fandom. And it came to me in the form of being forced into a voting poll without my knowledge, and the fans that voted for or against my account labelled me a proshipper based on "problematic" fanarts from my Japanese friends and moots that I liked and shared.

It was the very first time I learnt what the bastardised definition of a proshipper is to these group of people.

Because during my anime/manga era, some good 20 years ago, proshipping basically means shipping whatever one likes and accepting that others may ship things one dislikes. We had terms like OTPs and NOTPs and BroTPs, and we use them freely to express love and acceptance, while also acknowledge what we prefer and what we don't.

Yes, there will occasionally be fans who will throw a tantrum about what others ship. They were the ones we call antishippers - the most intolerant of fans. They started ship wars, they send death threats, they doxx. They are the unhinged that most likely would kick a baby if given the opportunity.

Proshipper is actually a very positive word, and we love proshippers, because they're very tolerant, they work as middle men in ship wars, and by all things divine, most of them have really great artistic skills. Antishipper, nope, we don't want to be that. We hate that. We despise that.

But somehow the new generation seemed to shift the blame of all things bad on proshippers by changing the definition of it.

Depending on who you ask, proship could be a short to "proactive shipping", "professional shipping" or just "pro shipping" (as in pros and cons). All positive words. Now the new generation who most likely was never thought of how to explore fandoms at a young age, deemed proship as "problematic shipping".

The audacity to simply change the definition is palpable. Especially when I find out the kind of "problematic" things that they try to justify hating on.

Kids. Teens. Young adults. My dears.

Whatever "problematic" things you've seen in a fandom /ship /character now IS NOT NEW. It's not something that just happened to exist in a recent fandom to spite the younger gens. It has been there 20 years ago when I was underaged and older fans were making fanart of their favourites both "problematic" and not. Heck, probably way longer before for them as well.

If only you utilise some reading skills and maybe your library card, you can find the history of anime-manga was filled to the brim with "problematic" topics. It's a way of expression, it's a way of coping, it's a way of criticising certain factors like politics and people. Anime and manga has always been "problematic". That's a hard fact.

Virtue signaling especially if you're from the West is not gonna change that.

Also, I cannot stress it enough that fiction does not equate to reality. At best, it is an imitation of reality, in a form safe for consumption and indulgence that require no harm to real living beings. Once people can differentiate these, trust me, life will be so much easier.

While the definition of proship had seen a pretty twisted change, antiship didn't. They still did the same things, only now, the minors were dragged in.

Despite all, I won't deny there are absolute rotten eggs on both sides. There will definitely be proshippers who are so disturbing it scares even Junji Ito. There will also be antishippers who will do anything to spread more hate in the fandom, making it rather unlivable. And both sides have the capability to influence an attack on each other, or worse, take advantage of gullible, ill-informed fans, especially minors.

But if we stop lumping everyone into "proship dni" and "antis dni" lists, and openly, properly communicate and explore about likes and dislikes and preferences like old times, I'm sure complaints from antis like

"Why is this fanartist who draws / fan who like [insert ship] has to be a proship?"

"I like this fanartist's artwork but they are a proship, so now I can't see their stuff."

"There's not enough fanart of [insert ship/character]."

would be way, way less.

And I always wonder if these antis, who were mostly young teenagers of a sound mind, have a pending curiosity to explore something adult through fictional characters. Hence why, while they despise proshippers and anything not sfw, they still talk about it among themselves and draw lemony drawings, even to a detail I personally wouldn't share so openly. And why they still invade not sfw spaces even with a clear warning.

Because, I get that, I've been there, most likely as early as 12. Exploring sexuality is not wrong at that age, and it's already a correct method to use fiction for it.

But by pushing away people who had been there, who can actually help, is gonna continue making these antis be a hateful, intolerant bunch. And more easily influenced by actual real life predators.

And for the "proshippers", it's also pretty frustrating to see themselves being harrassed, blocked, and talked about behind their back from antis who never thought of maybe, just maybe, getting to know them first. Especially if they are not from the West.

So my advice to these antis and especially the antis who practically had no reason to be an anti, don't confine yourself into a small container and scream why it's too small. Fiction is there for you to explore reality and things that you can and will never do in real life. Exploring it is way better than suppressing yourself, as long as you know your own limits. Preference and discomfort are only evident if you communicate in a proper manner, not by bashing someone without them knowing and shift the blame of the discomfort you caused yourself on them when they had no intention to even present it to you.

We're in the same fandom. Sharing the same love for the same character and ships. I don't see why we should cut it down so meticulously just because one cannot separate fiction to reality.

As a pretty much seasoned anime-manga fan, especially in JoJo (I've been with the fandom since 2001, tbh), keep your mind open. Block and mute are always your friend if things get too overwhelming, but hatred shouldn't be the main motivator. Communication is key. If you want to know more, express your discomfort, discuss on characters / ships / fandoms...always communicate first. Never assume, never stab on the back. You might be surprised how helpful proshippers can be if you're just, for once, be nice.

That's all.

[fairycosmos]

hey i’m super sry 2 bother ive just been struggling and i know u understand how i feel..i’ve never been this bad in my life. i feel so stupid agonizing over smth like my physical appearance but my reflection genuinely makes me nauseous and throws me into a breakdown each time i see it. i cant help but feel like id much rather kill myself than spend the rest of my miserable existence being so revolting and grotesque. i hate being conventionally unattrctive- going out in public is just the worst:(

hey angellll i'm sorry 2 hear you're dealing w this rn. you're not bothering me either, it's cool. :(( also i got your other anon and don't worry, i didn't think you were calling me ugly djekdkekk,, but i mean i AM lol. and i can definitely relate to feeling viscerally disgusting in your own skin......you're not over exaggerating, i promise. you are always going to have the right to feel a certain way about something that seems to dictate so much of your life. countless women are going through it. i struggle with this every single day myself and i honestly don't have all of the answers of even half of them, unfortunately. and sometimes nothing can calm me down from the shame i feel about being who i am, but here are a few thoughts/ideas that soothe me and may soothe you if you allow them to:

1. our perception of beauty is always being manipulated. they keep moving the goal posts and narrowing the standards to get us to chase these totally false ideals, purely because it makes money. that's it. they plant the insecurity, market a fake 'solution', and profit. when we look in the mirror a life time of conditioning looks back at us and the only way to get around it is to be consistently aware of that fact. once you begin examining and questioning why certain features are seen as attractive and others aren't, you realize that none of it really holds any ground. it has very little to do with our bodies, and everything to do with controlling them. it's all the result of a never ending advertisment, and engaging with it for too long is certainly going to exhaust you and fuck up your self perception. the way you see yourself is not as accurate as you think.

2. we are all going to be old and therefore conventionally unattractive someday any way. a defining factor of this game they force us to play is that we will never win. due to circumstance, or time, or just cause we're human. seems like for women we're not allowed to reach a day over 40 without being ridiculed for it. but i really do believe that getting older affords a certain amount of freedom. when you get to that point in your life, you're going to know yourself so much more than you do at the moment. your perspective WILL be different. you're not going to be basing your worth off of how you look because you'll have lived what you're capable of, and it's so much more than.......appearing a certain way for a moment in time. curating a life worth living pales in comparison to looking flawless. and i know it seems like you can't do that because you feel so gross, but you can - insecurity doesn't have to stop you from putting your best foot forward. you are worthy because you're here. you deserve to live because you are alive. at the end of the day, you don't have to like yourself, but you have to like BEING yourself. you have to learn how to enjoy your hobbies and opportunities more than you hate your skin or your face or whatever.

3. your body is here to experience and relate with the tangible world. it is the vessel with which you are able to walk, talk, love, eat, play, and enjoy. it is very very unconcerned with being palatable to the masses. ultimately, that is not what you exist for. it always comes back to that, no matter how much the world demands a performance of you - you don't have to give one. even if the so called audience doesn't like it. it takes time to truly accept that, i still can't. but working on neutralising the self is key. if you can't love yourself, just acknowledge yourself. these are my hands that allow me to create. these are my eyes that allow me to see. they are doing their job. they are okay. they can't be right or wrong. they just are.

4. self destructive thoughts are always over dramatic, always temporary, and often entirely untrue. it's ok to experience those urges, but do your best to find the line between having them and acting on them. it's alright if it takes a while to learn how. as long as you're attempting. that's all that matters.

5. try to consciously practice healthier thinking patterns on a daily basis. realistically consider how you judge others and why you're being so harsh on yourself when you would never act like that towards anyone else. understand that your energy, your presence, the way you smile and comfort and work, what you can give and receive - all of that is more important to pretty much everyone, than how you look. after a while, especially when you love or care for someone, their appearance becomes a total secondary characteristic. nobody is worrying that much over these self perceived flaws you're so stuck on, as much as you are. if they do take the time to mull on you, it's more likely they think something simplistic such as: oh there's that girl who lent me her homework or who always wears cool shirts, or whatever. they're too busy stressing about themselves.

6. attempt to build your own confidence. this is another thing i can't grasp either but. basically. you are going to be you for the rest of your life and that is a fact. the only realize you think it's a bad thing at the moment is because that's how you've been taught to feel. but you can unlearn, you can let go of what hurts. and that starts with accepting what you can't change and controlling what you can - your self esteem, your internal narrative, how you take care of your body and mind. even engaging in small, seemingly dumb exercises like pointing out three things you like about yourself in the mirror, can make a difference. you have all of the time in the world to learn how to be friends with yourself. but you might as well start now. baby steps are good. if you hide, spend half an hour outside, even once a week. get used to the discomfort. treat yourself. let it all contradict. growth is totally inevitable.

unfortunately, there's no all encompassing answer. you can know all of this logically and still feel Bad. and you're obviously allowed to be frustrated, to cry and break down, to have moments where you just feel entirely overwhelmed with self hatred - i can't figure out how to stop them, and i think they will remain with us for a while. maybe the goal is to just to cope with them in a decent way and not to prevent them all together. but those episodes are not an excuse to take your own life, ever. i can't think of a bigger fucking tragedy than the world losing you before you even had the chance to attempt living by an alternative narrative. you deserve so much better. i can't stress it enough. you have a whole open future just waiting for you, a healthy body to see it all with - it's going to be beautiful, it's going to surprise you even when you think you're a totally hopeless case. you're not. that's just another lie. your humanity is never going to depend on your physicality and anyone who can't accept that can fuck off!!! anyway i hope you know that there are genuinely so many resources available if you feel like this is getting Too much to handle by yourself. you're honestly not alone and if this is having a big impact on your overall stability then you're totally entitled to professional or medical support. it doesn't have to be a big deal. suicidal thoughts are not normal and there are people who will enable you to dissect and overcome them, you just have to make the initial choice to reach out. even if your brain is screaming otherwise. whether it's through school or a hotline or your doctor - communication WILL put your pain in perspective eventually, in turn lessening it. please consider it. even if takes you your whole lifetime to appreciate yourself, the fact that you're here and trying and navigating this shitty world is more than good enough. i'll be rooting for you from a place of total understanding until the end of time. please take and let me know if you need a friend. i'll be here.

*sorry if this didn't help. the other day i was having an Episode and nothing anyone said could've changed how absolutely disgusting i felt. sometimes it's like that. but this will always be here for you to look back on when you're in a more fair and objective state of mind.

[errantabbot]

Sunyananda's General Guidance on the Stages of Awakening

Generally speaking Buddhists, non-dualists, and mystics of all sorts spout off quite a bit about “awakening,” and uphold it as an amorphous, yet identifiable destination on the trajectory of spiritual practice. Very rarely is awakening clearly identified, let alone its path. This lack of clarity has contributed to the origination, and proliferation of an infinite variety of practices and disciplines that subsist only through their vague pointing toward a reality that is “somewhere over there,” called awakening.

In my own practice, I have engaged innumerable disciplines in a number of mystical faith traditions, and have in the course of these experience been disillusioned by the number of these practices that clearly do not point toward any of the obscure tenants of awakening as it is frequently alluded to. I have therefore sought to discern what is awakening really? Is there a concrete term that we might use to bring clarity to this experience, or attainment? And along these lines, I have sought to identify perennial stages that various traditions point one toward, which progressively reveal the spiritual summit known as awakening. What I have discerned is that there are approximately six stages of awareness and experience that when fully engaged, build upon and grow from one another into what we might term awakening, which I suppose could be appropriately termed the “Realization of Transcendent Wisdom.”

In general we may say that the six stages begin with the Dawning of Metacognition, which births the Experience of Interdependence, which stewards the Arising of All-Enveloping Compassion, which propels the Persistence of Equanimity, which allows for the Curation of Cause and Effect, which yields the Expression of Non-Attachment, which summarily presents as the Realization of Transcendent Wisdom (Awakening itself).

The Dawning of Metacognition is assuredly the first stage on the path. It is really the primary objective of meditation, namely to distantiate from our sense of self, that is the small “I” that typically leads us around. This separate perspective to the thinking mind is born of the realization that the possessor (seemingly the “I”) cannot simultaneously be the possessed (the thoughts, opinions, ideas, brain, body, and even soul that the “I” all casts as “my”). While at first a great sense of unknowing and confusion can and often does arise at this realization, when this unknowing is gently held in meditation, gradually a clear sense of witness arises that observes the machinations of the mind formerly known as “I.” This sense of witness does not identify the mind or its functions then as a substantial self, and does not take on such a mantle itself, rather this sense of witness is a process that does not come to be conceptually amalgamated. Should such an amalgamation occur, it precludes the actual dawning of this first stage of awakening that is termed metacognition. The mind is particularly good at creating illusions to prevent the self from being distantiated. A great amount of practice is generally needed for an authentic experience of the metacognitive witness, and even more effort must be put into sustaining then, this unamalgamated process.

As a practitioner becomes firmly settled in this newly dawned metacognition, a natural progression stemming from continued intentional awareness, that is, the metacognitive awareness’ ongoing witness to both (seemingly) internal and external conditions and phenomena is the Experience of Interdependence. This stage is particularly difficult to identify under the banner of a single term, as it is indeed quite expansive. To experience, or perceive interdependence is to become aware of the insubstantiality of not just the self, but of all things. Reality is insubstantial in as much as it is unfixed, constantly moving, coming both together and apart in a constant flux. In fact reality is so unfixed, and so in motion that nothing really moves, comes, or goes at all. This seeming dichotomous conundrum is only resolved when it is left to be as it, witnessed rather than defined. To witness such a reality is to experience interdependence, and thus sunyata (absolute reality itself), which may also be termed the ground of being. In many spiritual schools (especially neo-advaita etc), this stage is considered to be awakening itself, however this is not so. The direct experience of interdependence is but a step, albeit a particularly large and life-altering step, but a step none the less on the path toward awakening.

It should be noted that Christian mystics have given us a particularly important turn of phrase that describes a common experience that is frequently encountered somewhere in the midst of these first two stages, and that is “The Dark Night of the Soul.” While not an absolute certainty, many people experience a great sense of grief around finding the self, and reality itself to be insubstantial. All of the rules that a person has built up in their minds about the world and the way it works in the course of a lifetime tend to be simultaneously broken in this process, and when not prepared for such a thing, the profound unknowing that is so essential to awakening can be experienced as profound loneliness, darkness, and loss. Luckily though, as the Lankavatara Sutra states “things are not as they seem, and nor are they otherwise.” While reality is undoubtedly shaken in the process of awakening, reality indeed is unmoving, and no student of the way has ever in fact been separate from reality as it is- most have just done an awful lot of daydreaming on top of it, it is in fact these dreams that are being illumined and shed, thus we are awakened.

Somewhere along the way of identification with the small “I” falling away, and the insubstantiality of reality being revealed in its interdependence, comes the Arising of an All-Enveloping Compassion. This is indeed the antidote to any “dark night of the soul” experience, which arises still in the absence of such an experience. All-Enveloping Compassion shares a root with small-minded narcissism, therefore as identification with the small “I” falls away, so too does any appendant and latent self-admiration, as it becomes recast as limitless compassion for all beings, and experiences. In the experience of interdependence we find that not only are we insubstantial, but so is everyone and everything else, and in our shared non-being our capacity to love anyone is transformed into an impetus to love everyone and everything. A true arising of this All-Enveloping Compassion comes too with an inability to hate- this doesn’t mean an inability to grow angry, or to become frustrated, but specifically an inability to hate. This inability may be understood in examining a quote from the Roman playwright Terence who once famously wrote "I am human, and I think nothing human is alien to me." From a true place of witness to reality as it is, of which we and all are a part, no-thing, no matter how saintly or heinous is foreign to us, and where there is suffering we can only then know sadness, empathy, and compassion, not hatred. Compassion does not equate to condoning, but perhaps may be said to stem from understanding. This empathetic understanding, which can be called compassion is the very seed of the Transcendent Wisdom that the present schema terms awakening.

The natural bedfellow of All-Enveloping Compassion is the Persistence of Equanimity. Witnessing and being with reality as it is (radical acceptance), and being foreign to no experience we find that just as reality is ever oscillating and thus still (perfect in its “as it is-ness”), so too are we as seeming microcosms of reality, or more accurately reality’s self-awareness. As reality is ever in a state of equanimity, that is, of no hesitation or hindrance, it is natural then that as the metacognitive witness rouses “us” from our daydreams that we too come to embody such stability in our individualistic expressions and experiences of life.  

It should be said here, that the ongoing practice of awakening at any level is that of integration between the seemingly absolute, and seemingly relative aspects of reality, experience, and life. The metacognitive witness comes to uphold each of these stages perfectly, however, the small “I” largely is just a collection of sensory reports yielding to cause and effect. In other words, the small or relative self is largely governed by habitual energy and observed behavior (which is why, for instance precepts centering around consumption, mental and physical exist). Not being identified with the small “I,” one option is to simply let it run amuck, unchecked and unhindered, however, this is an incomplete awakening. When the small “I” truly integrates the All-Enveloping Compassion of the previously examined stage, it naturally works to alleviate even relative suffering, that seemingly near and seemingly far (personal and other), and thus is metered by the process of the metacognitive witness.

The following chart sorts each of the stages of awakening into a primary orientation, with the final stage of the Realization of Transcendent Wisdom holding a unique, integrated (terminal) position. The initial stages of awakening are experience oriented and pertain to the realm commonly identified as absolute reality. The last stages before awakening are expression oriented and pertain to the realm commonly identified as relative reality. The stages between the two seeming polarities are transitional, and are easily categorized as one or the other, absolute and relative, experiential and expressional. In reality, each of these stages is unfixed, and insubstantial, as are their seeming orientations (as their merging, or integration into Transcendent Wisdom would suggest). That said, this categorization may be helpful in navigating and understanding the general feeling and energy of the stages of the awakening process. 

This brings us to the Curating of Cause and Effect. While former stages seem to largely be interior or absolute oriented and experiential, this stage is assuredly also expressional. The curation of cause and effect is where the metacognitive witness most clearly meets the unidentified, or distantiated small “I” and appears to become directive. However, the metacognitive witness process, being impersonal cannot actually direct anything but the awareness pertaining to it is, itself, a cause with an effect. The cause, in this case, is small “I” transcendent awareness effecting the small “I’s” seemingly relative process, through being informed (aware) of subsequent stages (2-4, especially). A natural yield of metacognitive awareness and witness is profound insight into what we may call “karmic ripples,” which when met with All-Enveloping Compassion, for instance, inspires the habit of karmic control, or curation for which the capacity to do so has ever been present, if covered up or even ignored.

The final stage in the process of awakening, which must occur before integration and awakening itself may be rendered is that of the Expression of Non-Attachment. The Third Patriarch of Zen, Sengcan once wrote “The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences.” Absolutely, this is no problem- the metacognitive witness has no preferences, nor is it capable of any. However, the relative, small “I” functions only by them. When these two fully meet and mingle, it is not that preferences fall away, but that attachment to them does. Non-Attachment (to views, experiences, people, places, and things etc.) arises in summation of all of the foregoing stages, in that it is the only possibility when one comes to be able to perceive and uphold multiple views of reality simultaneously. The futility then, and harm of strong opinions and ideas is illumined through awareness of the multiplicity of reality, and deference to the cogs of reality, as opposed to those of ideas, is birthed.

As Lao Tzu is thought to have said: “…The Master leads by emptying people's minds and filling their cores, by weakening their ambition and toughening their resolve. He helps people lose everything they know, everything they desire, and creates confusion in those who think that they know. Practice not-doing, and everything will fall into place.”

~Sunyananda Baba