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#one must imagine Jeb happy
hkayakh · 7 months
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One must Imagine Jeb happy
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So little side note, I didn't realize until the very end of writing this that Pike from MM was a Massif however he's a Napoleon Massif. When I wrote this I had an English Massif in mind (weighs more and is taller). So there's that.
SUPER happy with this part although I feel like it was a bit rushed at the end.
Warning:smut and teeth rotting Jeb adorableness
@plainlo-inthemorning
As the night wore on there was something about Jeb that put you at ease. You could have blamed it on the alcohol but since he sat down at the table, he had listened to you intently and once you had gotten past the unfortunate events that had been happening to him, Jeb himself began to open up. You felt now (with the help of some liquid courage) was as good a time as any to invite him over and see where the night took you.
"So, I'm dog sitting for my friend. Would you want to come back with me?"
Jebs eyes got bigger than you thought was humanly possible.
"Go back...with you? Yes! I mean...I’d really like that." He stammered while nodding his head so eagerly a stray curl fell to the center of his forehead.
Must like dogs? Check
"I do have to warn you. My friend likes to live on the...fancier side."
It took more fiddling with the door lock then you'd liked. You could only imagine what it looked like to your friend's posh neighbors. "Dear! Call the police! It looks like Mrs. Robertson has 2 intruders." You rolled your eyes at the thought.
"Ah!" You uttered in triumph as the lock finally clicked open. Within seconds of shutting the door Jeb saw a large animal come barreling past the living room wall and skidding to a halt at your feet, the laugh you let out had made he's heart swell. The beast of a dog was all loose skin and tail wags before he briskly made his way towards Jeb.
Dog approved, check. 
You thought to yourself as you watched Jeb being showered with licks and dog drool. For a dog that stood just under 3 feet and weighed well over 100 pounds, the Massif looked so much smaller next to Jeb.
"His name is Hawkeye, my friend's a big M.A.S.H fan."
As Hawkeye made his way back to your side, there was a sudden wicked idea that popped into your head. Deciding to act fast before you lost your courage you slowly crouched down, keeping your knees together, causing your skirt to slide up your thighs just a bit. Making sure your backside was well in Jeb’s line of sight, you started to pet Hawkeye. A quick glance over your shoulder had confirmed that your little display was working to you advantage.
"I call him Benjamin. He kind of reminds me of you."
You turned your full attention back to Jeb to find he was still staring at your crouched form and hadn't proceeded what you just said.
"Yeah...wait what!?"
There it is.
"You both have the brawn and the brains." You spoke as you stood up. Jeb hadn't known how to take the compliment, but you decided to add some more banter to the mix.
"Did you think I meant looks? Because if you did, he's clearly got you beat in that department."
As Jeb huffed out a laugh a genuine smile covered your lips in relief to know he wasn't taking himself too seriously.
When you told him your friend lived on the fancier side Jeb had pictured chandeliers made of crystals hanging from the ceiling and a grand piano that everyone would stands around at parties. The ones with an old lady that thought she could sing (but really couldn't) belting out words with Gin and Vermouth sloshing dangerously in her martini glass. What he hadn't expected was an open entryway that led to a spacious living room, white marbled tiles on the floor and a conversational pit couch?
"I told you she's a little fancy." You said as you watched him take in the room. "Make yourself comfortable, I'm going to put Ben outside and I'll be us back some drinks."
By the time you came back, drinks in hand, Jeb had chosen to sit in the middle of the couch on the right side of the pit and was nervously playing with his tie. You leisurely made your way down the steps and sat down next to him placing the drinks on the small center table.
"So...do you like music? I can put somet-"
"Do you have a bathroom?" Jeb interrupted not thinking about how it came out. Surprised by the random outburst you answered with the straightest face you could muster.
"Yes, they have an outhouse in the back, you might want to bring a flashlight though."
Is he sweating? I'm definitely not getting the host of the year.
"I'm kidding. It's the first door on the left down the hall."
Jeb profusely apologized before stumbling up the few steps and awkwardly making his way down the hall. If you had a plan for how the night would go it was definitely not supposed to go like this. For all the teasing you were putting Jeb through you decided you'll just have to make it up to him.
A few minutes later he came back looking relieved but there was still a hint of nervousness that showed in the way he fiddled with his hand. There was no longer a ring on his finger but then again you hadn't noticed if he had one on before. Jeb sat in the same spot as before, but he figured you must have moved while he was gone because now your knee were touching.
"Please make yourself comfortable, kick off your shoes." You said offering him his drink. "I won't bite I promise." Whether you meant it to be or not Jeb found the last sentence to be ironic, especially while sharing the same house of a dog that could eat a cow if it was hungry enough. It made him smile none the less as he took a hearty sip of his whiskey.
 "I must admit a smile really looks good on you." You said as he placed his glass back on the table. That had earned you a smile that was bigger than the one before as he went to untie the laces of his dress shoes. Feeling suddenly possessed your hand reached out on their own accord and ran your fingers through his luscious brown hair. Jeb froze but let out a sigh and you were almost positive you saw the tension in his shoulders drop.
Poor man must be touch starved
Sitting back up Jeb looked deep into your eyes before slowly leaning in to kiss you. Placing your hands on his shoulders you deepened the kiss before he grabbed your wrist and pinned you to the bottom cushion, hands above your head. Pulling back his head to take a breath the surprise look on your face stops him dead in his tracks. Snatching his hands off your wrist he balled them in fist so tight that the skin on his knuckles were turning white.
"Oh god! I'm so sorry...I...I thought you...I over stepped. I’m just going to-"
"Jeb. What's going on?" You asked calmly although completely confused on what was currently happening.
He released his right hand to run across the back of his neck as a deep blush covered his cheeks.
"I thought you said you like it when men were assertive. Well, you said that's what you...I just assumed. I'm so, so sorry."
While you sat back up Jeb continued to avoid looking in your direction and that’s when you noticed his bottom lip beginning to quiver.
"Jeb can you look at me?"
He reluctantly turned his head, his blue eyes now accompanied by tears. Grabbing the bottom of his tie you softly tugged.
"Why don't you show me how a good, assertive man can make me feel."
It was endearing how Jeb took the time to assess the situation, but you were becoming restless. Wrapping his tie in your hand you leaned back causing Jeb to have to follow your moment. As soon as your back hit the bottom couch cushions Jeb’s lips collided with yours. Taking the hands that were now on either side of his face, Jeb pinned them above your head again, this time without breaking the fervent kiss.
His lips where gentle despite how his body was trembling in anticipation. Removing his lips from yours, Jeb kissed his way down to your neck leaving a trail of heated skin. As he reached the spot just below your jaw you arched your back and let out an uncharacteristic moan, completely oblivious to the small smile of triumph that now covered his lips.
Nimble fingers made their way up from your ankle to the hem of you skirt before abruptly stopping. Jeb sat up fully and looks at you in apprehension.
"Gail, I mean my wife never liked when I...messed up her cloths."
It's a little too late for that
You were starting to get a good Idea of what type of woman Gail was and none of them were pointing to a truly loving wife. The poor man before you was trying his best but was being held back by years of excuses and flat on "No's" when he tried to become intimate.
"Alright then. It's my turn" you said as you got up to stand in front of him. "Sit back for me."
Like a dog that was being offered a treat, Jeb scrambled to get properly seated with his back against the cushions. You used a foot to nudge his legs further apart as you began to take off your skirt. Stepping closer and directly between his legs you undid the last button on your blouse and tossed it off to the side. After removing your lacy underwear, you straddled Jeb’s lap and settled on-top of his substantially large erection.
Reaching behind you, you undid your bra when you felt the warm touch of Jeb’s hands come to lightly rest on your hips. Landing a playful smack on his right forearm seemed to break him from his trance. "I want you to keep your hand to yourself for now." The most adorably pathic whine fell from Jeb's lips sending a bolt of electricity straight to your core.
If there was a word you had to pick to describe your action after grazing your sex over his pant clad erection it would be desperate. You were desperate to undo the buttons to his white button up shirt. You were desperate to undo his belt buckle and unzip his fly. You were desperate to get each item out of the way 'just enough' to allow you to run your hands over his chest and free his throbbing member. Most importantly you were desperate to get him inside of you.
You now were holding his face with both of your hands wanting to make sure you saw every facial expression he made as you sank down onto him. However, it hadn't mattered when you were the one who closed your eyes at the feeling of the delicious stretch you felt. Taking a moment to adjust you opened your eyes to see deep blue ones staring back at you in awe.
 The way your body withered when he caressed your breast. Pinching and rolling your pert nipples between his fingers had made you wish you'd let him touch you sooner. Leaning forward you lightly nipped his ear lobe and whispered "you're making me feel so good Jeb. So good." And like a branch that held too much weight, something snapped inside of him. Reaching underneath your arms he placed his hands on top of your shoulders to force to stay where your hips were joined. It's seemed as if he was letting out years of pent-up sexual frustration and being told he wasn't good enough, with each brutal thrust of his hips.
His pace hadn't allowed for a slow build up but the high you got when you came was like none other you have had before. Jeb wasn't far behind you as his hips began to stutter and he finished with a guttural grunt. Mumbles such as “I wasn't too rough was I” and “that was so amazing” where uttered between kisses he laid on your collar bone and the hollow of you neck.
When you had finally managed to wiggle from his tight embrace you leaned back with a smile and took in his disheveled form. The fact that he hadn't wanted to let you go could of been because he craved the closeness, that of which you did too. Or perhaps it was the tears that were forming in his eyes again. The sight of which had now truly upset you.
"Jeb Magruder you are full of mysteries and lucky for you I'm a bit of a detective."
If Jeb ever had doubts about you sticking around, you had just washed them away with one simple sentence. Grabbing the back of your elbows, he pulled you back against his chest.
"So when can I see you again?"
Placing several kisses on his shoulder then his neck, you finally looked up.
"Same time as always. In your office at 8 o'clock shape."
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mintenochian · 4 years
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what other people want added to Minecraft: g u n s
what I want added to Minecraft
•Birds
-For multiple biomes, but mainly for the forests.
-Songbirds would add SO MUCH life to the otherwise quiet areas of the game
-Ravens and crows would be awesome and could use some of the parrot mimicking AI
-Cardinals in the snow biomes would bring a GORGEOUS pop of colour into the white atmosphere
-Seriously we need something to populate the sky, parrots do NOT fly like they should
-nests in trees, can find eggs in them
-doesn't really add a use but fun new feather types would be cool
•Owls
-technically still a bird but would go really well in covered rooftop forests and snow biomes
-we're already getting larger avians added in the form of vultures so why not more large birds?
•Mice and / or rats
-absolute precious babies
-sadly would go well with owls :(
-with cave update coming we need adorable rodents scurrying around
-lil bastards could make mouseholes inside of blocks
-will they be tameable? idk.
-adds the necessity for cheese
•Deer
-MOJANG this is a MUST, this is a NEED
-You literally have pigs, chickens, cows, and sheep spawning in forests what the fuck
-Deer with spotty baby fawns??? Yes
-Young bucks with different stages of antler growth? Yes
-Fawns frolicking in flower forests bc they feel safe
-Stripped wood appearing on trees where bucks scrape velvet off their antlers
-Being able to collect sets of antlers when they fall off periodically (would NOT be attainable by killing the deer, you have to wait for them to shed)
•Elk and Moose
-Same vein as deer
-Bigger, much bigger, neutral instead of passive, less shy
-Snowy biomes
-Better additions than fucking llamas tyvm
-Sidenote but savannahs could also really use some endangered deer-like species to help raise awareness for their status
•Squirrels
-Mojang plz
-Adds nuts to Minecraft ;)
-Black, grey, red, and mixed colour squirrels and breeding
-Brings life to forests like songbirds and deer
•Bears
-Mojang bby you literally already have a neutral bear in Minecraft why have you not reskinned it for grizzly/brown/black bears?
-Bear caves
-Hibernating mobs
-Brings more use to the beehives and bees, bears could be attracted to any area that has more than one bee hive with honey
•WOLVES AND DOGS
-They NEED the ocelots and cats update
-More wolf types (red, timber, snow, black, etc)
-Actual wolf packs (the AI would be difficult to program but the doges are worth it)
-Please let the howl at the moon, if foxes get to say ringdingding all night long wolves deserve to be allowed to howl
-More dog breeds (I know that there's no reason for domesticated dog breeds in Minecraft but ACTUALLY THERE IS)
-Hunting dogs like springers that can jump and run faster
-Foxhounds :D
-Most Important Goodest Boy: Herding dogs like collies and sheepdogs
-Herding dogs could be found in plains where cows and sheep spawn and create herds
-LET DOGS LAY DOWN FOR FUCKS SAKE
•Herding
-Instead of having to pen up and enclose your livestock you could form herds of cows and sheep
-Your Goodest Boi herding dog would protect them and move around with them when they graze
-Just soft peaceful minecraft tingz
•Salt licks
-Something SO SMALL but would make SO MUCH HAPPINESS
-Drawing new cows into your herd by putting up a salt lick
-I'm soft
-I guess salt would be a new ore???
•Bird feeders
-idk I think it would be cool
-excess seeds used for SOMETHING
•Raccoons
-The coolness of wolves, the chaos of foxes, the cunning of cats
-thumbs
-be gay do crimes
-can open chests (trigger trap chests to catch them?)
-Fantastic little shits
-Not tameable but will trust players like foxes do
•Snakes
-I know it's a lot to ask and it would be hard to make them look good
-But??? Imagine a tiny lil garter snake in your garden
-unlikely but would be so fantastic
•Rope
-climeable
-please Mojang we need this so badly
-imagine the ships? The bridges? The bell towers and everything?
-super easy to add, just reskin vines and add a string crafting recipie
•Butterflies and Moths
-Bflies could be a unique mob to flower forests and friends with bees
-if moobloom is added they would all be BEST BUDS
-get it "buds" ahahaha
-help with flower polination but just gives a TON of life to flower forests
-We literally have lanterns in minecraft why do we NOT have moths? Such a cool aesthetic addition.
-helps fill both the daytime and nighttime sky
•Hummingbirds
-fourth member of BEST BUDS
-just soft baby
-i love birbs okay
-the only avian who does not work for the bourgeoisie
•Fireflies
-10 million of them please
-they give great hugs
-adds so much atmosphere to the night world
•Cheese
-We have milk
-We have, presumably, goat milk
-Quit being cowards and add butter and cheese
-Butter churn job block for villagers
-V funny bc they have no arms to churn with?? Oh well
•Seashells
-Something decorative and beautiful that could 1) liven up beaches and 2) have snails and crabs inside!
-Mojang plz do not add sand dollars to the game people already don't know how to tell if they're still alive before trying to take them home
•Whales
-WHALES.
-Imagine something as massive as the ender dragon but peaceful. Allows you to stand on them (idk how but make it happen Jeb)
-WHALE SONGS.
-Being so deep and far out into the ocean, and when the moon is high in the sky and you're sitting in your boat, you just hear the beautiful melancholy sounds of the whales in the distance
•Jellyfish
-Idk if y'all know this but the glow squid is a bad idea
-Dream buddy you fucked up, please use your influence to get in contact with Mojang and have them redo the vote. People would have so much regained respect for you if you tried to fix your mistake.
-Also why does a speedrunner get to tell millions of people what mob would bring more life to Minecraft? He's only playing the game for 5 minutes smh
-aNYWAYS
-Jellyfish could literally do everything the glow squid is going to and look better for it AND possibly be neutral instead of peaceful
•Orcas
-Not much to say but it would liven up the frozen water biomes a bit
•Penguins
-You already know why
-Imagine giving a new home to all the Club Penguin players? Legendary.
-Gender doesn't exist in Minecraft but we all know penguins would be hella gay
•Lobsters
-I think they would be cute
-You would NOT BE ABLE TO BOIL THEM ALIVE THANK YOU VERY MUCH
•Mermaids
-Never going to happen since passive mobs are generally real life animals but it would be so cool
•Otters
-they can hold hands
-brings life to the rivers
-super cute
•Frogs and possibly toads
-Swamp gods
-Absolute mad lads
-maybe grow from tadpoles
-wouldn't do much but needed
•Fairy Forests
-NOT Twilight Forests. Not a new dimension.
-Just gentle hidden groves in forests
-ADD FAIRY RING GENERATION TO MINECRAFT.
•Big cats
-Tigers, lions, bobcats, panthers
-Literally anything that could finally add a strong predator possibility to savannahs and jungles
•Zebras and Giraffes
-Shy and skittish
-cannot ride (their skeletal structure is NOT MADE FOR CARRYING HUMANS)
-Super cute tho, brings much needed life to savannahs
•Camels
-The better llama
-Can honestly just be a reskin
-brings much needed life to the desert
-spits and wears carpet and forms caravans like llamas
•Lemurs
-Easier to add to "jungles" than monkeys
-it would be really cool if we could just get a Rainforest biome
-King Julian stans awaken
•Red pandas
-we need them
-cuter than normal pandas and you can @ me
-better idea than sloths or koalas
•More Eldritch Horror Hostile Mobs
-Fun fact time
-The enchanting table language already has Lovecraftian references
-"phnglui mglwnafh cthulhu rlyeh wgahnagl fhtagn" is literally a quote from the enchanting table
-translates to "In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."
-Bet you didn't know that fun fact
-aNYWAYS add the Kraken to Minecraft instead of the shitty guardians. Thanks.
-imagine how cool it would be to see lights slowly extinguish as something terrifying and dangerous slowly moves in for the kill
-torches get extinguished and can get relit
-if not relit fast enough Something will be waiting
•Ice statues
-We have giant fossils and ship wrecks and cool stuff like that but please imagine finding a GIANT humanoid ice sculpture in an ice spikes biome
-maybe bones inside to show you that... That wasn't carved or naturally generated.
•Skeletons
-Not a mob but a decoration block
-Found in temples, mineshafts, and caves
-implied to be the remains of miners and explorers
-rare
-also implies that every skeleton you kill has some backstory since they look the same
•Constellations
-Not real world star maps but completely unique to Minecraft
-chance for LOTS of fun references
-The stars are your only companions in an apocalyptic world where you are the last of your kind
-Space is gay minecraft is gay thus minecraft space is gay
•Corn
-we have butter in this list
-we have salt in this list
-popcorn. That is all.
And finally
•Leeks
-mostly a joke but would be a cool crop
-100% a reference to Hatsune Miku the creator of Minecraft
DISCLAIMER: I recognize that mobs are added to Minecraft to serve a purpose within the game and that many of these mobs would be better in mods and such, but I also feel like many of these suggestions would really bring so much more life to parts of the game that really need it. Even if they don't serve a huge purpose, they would still be really amazing additions imo.
I would love to see the ideas and suggestions that other people have for what they want added to Minecraft, please TAG ME if you make a post like this, I wanna hear and read it!
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statetalks · 3 years
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Why Do Republicans Wear Blue Ties
How Did The 2000 Election Solidify Red For Republican And Blue For Democrat
How To Combine & Wear A Pocket Square With Ties, Shirts & Suits
The 2000 election between Gore and Bush was a momentous event for American politics. The election became a constitutional crisis and dragged on for 36 days, leading to constant television and newspaper coverage of recounts and debates over which candidate won each swing state. Networks banded together on their color selection for each party for the purposes of uniformity, choosing red to represent states Bush won, and blue for those Gore won.
It was also during this election that the New York Times and USA Today ran their first full-color electoral state maps featuring red for Republican and blue for Democrat.;
Do you know where the Democrat and Republican Parties got their names? Find out here.;
But why these particular colors? Thats a difficult question to answer because all news stations want to take credit for what is now the standard.
The credit of the colors rests in part with New York Times graphics editor Archie Tse, who used red for Republicans in 2000 election maps because red begins with R, Republican begins with R. Whatever the reason, all of the news outlets certainly played a part in establishing blue and red as the colors when they collectively used them the same way.
What Does Your Tie Color Mean
Get the girl.
What do these three things have in common?; The right image.
We all know that first impressions can be influenced by what you wear.; Whether conscious or not, people make grandiose assumptions based upon your everyday appearance.
A tie is one of the most influential tools at your disposal.; Thats why you always reach for your lucky tie when you are about to close a deal or why the girl at happy hour playfully touches your tie to show shes interested.; Your tie makes a powerful statement and its important to know what image you are projecting.
Its called the power tie for a reason, and by wearing a red tie you are implying that you mean business.; Just like Tiger Woods wears a red shirt to convey dominance, the red tie is a reaffirmation of strength, authority and dominance within the professional world.; For a less aggressive approach, switch out your vibrant red for a softer shade of burgundy.
Yellow/Gold
Yellow is the approachable cousin of the power tie.; While still conveying authority, intelligence and positivity, yellow is the subtle version of a red power tie.; This is the perfect tie to wear for a first interview, because it shows you are confident and not afraid of a challenge.
Blue
Green
Orange
Orange is the wild card of tie colors.; A bright orange tie will imply that you are enthusiastic, open-minded and adventurous.; It is the perfect tie for making a memorable first impression and creating a sense of excitement within the workplace.
Trending In London: Fashion Rental Energy Healing And Pigmentation
Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama and Republican presidential nominee John McCain take part in the first debate of the 2008 elections at the University of Mississippi on September 26, 2008 in Oxford, MS. AFP PHOTO / PAUL J. RICHARDS
;The default color scheme for presidential ties is so conservative that it is nearly impossible to imagine something like pistachio, fuchsia or neon-anything ever making the cut. Sometimes, of course, being an outlier can help secure the needed benefit of the doubt. Bob Dole wore a moderate-green tie to his 1996 debate against the incumbent Bill Clinton. Such a choice helped create an overall image that pundits found informed, thoughtful, and elevated. It briefly albeit unsuccessfully buoyed Doles campaign. Hillary Clinton did not wear ties during her runs for the presidency. Still, her accessories were scrutinized by the media with particular focus on , bracelets, and headbands. Alternately, when democratic primary candidate Andrew Yang showed up to a 2019 Democratic Primary debate with no tie at all, his historic bold move turned heads across the political spectrum from Fox News to the New Yorker. Ultimately, it was a minor side note in what cost him the nomination proving that the country is just not ready for a tie-less president.
Also Check: How Many Republicans Need To Vote For Impeachment
Desks Are Closets Too
Heather: I have an emergency blazer in my desk that I can whip out if I feel I need to, and then an extra pair of flats in my desk. You do so much walking in DC that flats wear out really quickly. Ill keep Band-Aids and Neosporin in my desk, too, for when Im breaking in a pair of shoes. Ill get new flats every four months Ill just go to Marshalls and get whats on sale.
Jen: Im a big fan of having a lot of jackets that I keep in the office. You never know what day youll need to go staff your boss on the senate floor. Jackets that you can put on regardless of whether youre wearing slacks or a dress or a skirt and a top I think thats one of the easiest things to keep on hand. Then I have a black sweater, because these buildings can be terribly temperature controlled.
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There Arent Real Forces Within The Gop Leading Change
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There is some appetite for change within the GOP. In those 2024 polls, at least a third of Republicans either were supporting a GOP presidential candidate other than Trump or were undecided.;
In YouGov Blues polling, only about 40 percent of Republicans identified themselves as Trump Republicans. A recent survey from Fabrizio, Lee and Associates, a GOP-leaning firm that worked on Trumps presidential campaigns, found that about 40 percent of Republican voters didnt want Trump to continue to be a leader in the party. Those numbers dont necessarily mean that those voters want the GOP to change drastically. But there is a substantial number of Trump-skeptical/ready-to-move-on-from-Trump Republican voters. But that sentiment isnt really showing up in the Republican Partys actions during the last three months basically everything GOP officials in states and in Washington are doing lines up with the Trumpian approach. So what gives?;
related:Why The Recent Violence Against Asian Americans May Solidify Their Support Of Democrats Read more. »
It is hard to see Republicans changing course, even if a meaningful minority of voters in the party wants changes, without some elite institutions and powerful people in the party pushing a new vision. And its hard to see real anti-Trumpism forces emerging in the GOP right now.;
Read Also: Who Will Be Speaker Of The House If Republicans Win
The Partys Core Activists Dont Want To Shift Gears
This is the simplest and most obvious explanation: The GOP isnt changing directions because the people driving the car dont want to.;
When we think of Republicans, we tend to think of either rank-and-file GOP voters or the partys highest-profile elected officials, particularly its leaders in Congress. But in many ways, the partys direction is driven by a group between those two: conservative organizations like Club for Growth and the Heritage Foundation, GOP officials at the local and state level and right-wing media outlets. That segment of the party has been especially resistant to the GOP abandoning its current mix of tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations, opposition to expansions of programs that benefit the poor and an identity politics that centers white Americans and conservative Christians.
You could see the power and preferences of this group in the response to the Capitol insurrection.
In the days immediately following Jan. 6, many GOP elected officials, most notably McConnell, signaled that the party should make a permanent break from Trump. Pollsfound an increased number of rank-and-file GOP voters were dissatisfied with the outgoing president. But by the time the Senate held its trial over Trumps actions a month later, it was clear that the party was basically back in line with Trump.;
related:Why Being Anti-Media Is Now Part Of The GOP Identity Read more. »
When Defeated Politicians Feel Blue They Wear It
He was feeling blue.;
There he stood, front and center in his home state,;cloaked in failure. Sad Senator Marco Rubio addressed the crowd Tuesday:
“While it is not God’s plan that I be president in 2016 or maybe ever, and while today my campaign is suspended…we must do all we can to ensure that this nation remains a special place.”
He certainly wore his heart on his sleeve well, in this case, his tie. It was dark blue.
Following in the footsteps of Jeb Bush, who sported a silk navy tie, and Ben Carson, who wore a powder blue striped shirt at their respective concessions, Rubio, too, wore the color.;
And it wasn’t by coincidence. Premeditated or subconscious, blue is the color when you’re feeling the shade.;
“Wearing a blue tie is the right choice for conceding in an election,” said Lauren Rothman, a Washington, D.C.-based political stylist, consultant and author of the Style Bible.
“The color communicates two emotions at the same time: optimism and sadness.”
Rothman,;who’s dressed many a politician for their concession speeches,;said that blue sends the message for supporters to continue following them on to their next chapters and that they have officially had a standstill.;
“There’s a sense of calmness to it and comfort as if showing that it’s okay, it’s going to be all right,” she said.
Lee Eiseman, a color specialist and expert, agreed.;
But Eiseman did clarify that there are different signifiers of blue depending on the hue.;
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How The Colors Came To Be Red White And Blue
Of the 205 sovereign nations in the world, 21 share red, white and blue as their flags colors. But why do so many share the same trio of colors, and what do they represent?
On July 4, 1776, a resolution was passed by Congress authorizing the development of a seal for the new country which reflected the Founding Fathers values.
When presenting the seal which was officially adopted on June 20, 1782 Secretary of the Continental Congress, Charles Thomson, explained, White signifies purity and innocence. Red, hardiness and valor, and blue signifies vigilance, perseverance and justice.
The meaning behind the colors have since shifted slightly. In 1986, President Ronald Reagan declared it the Year of the Flag, stating, The colors of our flag signify the qualities of the human spirit we Americans cherish. Red for courage and readiness to sacrifice; white for pure intentions and high ideals; and blue for vigilance and justice.
According to TIME Magazine, however, Mike Buss, a flag expert with the American Legion, points to the red, white and blue used in the Union Jack of England.
They come from the three colors that the Founding Fathers had served under or had been exposed to, said Buss.
Therefore, some of the correlation between the United States use of red, white and blue along with 20 other countries, including Puerto Rico, Australia and Cuba, could come from their historical correlation with England.
Why Politicians Wear Only Red And Blue Ties
Why does Trump Scotch tape his tie?
Joe Dziemianowicz of the Daily News wrote that even though President Obama doesnt like to reduce America into a collection of red states and blue states, he wore only red and blue neckties in his first 11 days in office. Is that just a coincidence?
Not according to science Robert Roy Britt of LiveScience explains why in high-stakes politics and business, there are only two color of ties, red and blue:
You May Like: How Often Does Joe Manchin Vote With Republicans
What Do The State Of The Unions Purple Ties Mean
Whats in a tie? If youre President Obama giving the State of the Union address, it can mean quite a bit. Tonight, Obama, along with Vice-President Joe Biden and Speaker of the House John Boehner, made a sartorial show of solidarity. The three leaders sported purple ties because as every first-grade student knows blue and red make purple, and it may be a visual signifier of Obamas desire for bi-partisan cooperation. This isnt the first time Obama and Biden have rocked the royal hue: The pair, along with thenSpeaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, all wore purple during the 2010 State of the Union. And then, as now, pundits speculated about its meaning. There is kind of a connotation in politics that comes through color, said fashion blogger Mary Tomer, of last years tie choices. I dont think its too much of a stretch to think purple couldve been chosen;symbolically.
Has Trump Been Wearing A Purple Tie More Often Lately
The last couple of weeks Ive noticed him wearing a purple tie.
Do Republicans notice this? Care?
Does it mean anything?
Why would it matter even if he was? Its a goddamn tie. You people love imagining bullshit where it doesnt exist.
Saying you people is almost always a derogatory remark. If you dont like the OPs question, address your answer to her.
Im with . Look around at other threads. Assumptions made on behalf of Trump supporters, and even supposing to know what our president plans, knows, wants, likes. Until Trump opposers are willing to stop lumping us in a pit of lost causes, expect the same in return.
, I have had the same observation, so perhaps he has. Does it have any significance? I believe only time will tell.
I think that if he is in fact wearing purple, he is doing it to reflect the electorate and its attitudes as the American population slowly moves to embrace the democratic party.
Are the colors of his tie supposed to mean anything?And WHY do Trump supporters get all bent out of shape and when thinking Trump opposers lump them in all together, but do the exact same thing when it comes to dealing with opposers?
So he bought a new tie. He wore the red one for almost three years, and he cant ever seem to tie it right. Glad he got a new one.
I think its some kind of white power salute.
Disclaimer: The above statement is a joke.
Which you people? and I?
Read Also: Why Do Republicans Like Donald Trump
Which States Are Considered Red And Which Are Blue
To go along with the colors, the terms red state and blue state were popularized by anchorman Tim Russert during and immediately after the 2000 election. Today, these terms are used to refer to which party a state voted for during a presidential election.;
Generally speaking, the Northeast and the West Coast are considered a collection of blue states as most of them have sided with the Democrats since the early 1990s.
The Southern states have sided with Republicans since the 2000s, while the Midwest tends to be tougher to predict. For example, Illinois and Minnesota are currently considered blue states, while Missouri and Nebraska are red. Hawaii and Alaska have been traditionally considered blue and red respectively as neither has switched parties since the late 1980s .
The Southwest has been split since 2000 with Nevada, New Mexico, and Colorado going blue more often than red and Utah and Arizona voting predictably red. Finally, we come to the coveted purple states or swing states,;such as Florida, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Iowa, Wisconsin, and Michigan. These states switched colors in recent elections and are often a key focus of electoral campaigning and strategy. Swing states can vary by election year.
Color And Clothing Choices
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When we see certain colors, they produce chemical reactions in our brains that can make us feel certain emotions. For example you are more likely to order more food in a restaurant that is decorated with a lot of red because that color makes us hungry. Sports teams often paint the opposing teams locker room pink because that color makes people tired. Guests on late night TV hang out in the Green Room before coming on stage because that color is the most calming and relaxing. So what could certain candidates be trying to sell you via their color and clothing choices?
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When Its Time To Head Back To The Office And On The Few Days When I Wear A Suit And Tie I Should Retire My Red Ties Right Unless I Want Everyone To Assume I Am A Trump Supporter Is It Possible For Any Man To Wear A Red Tie Now And Not Immediately Call To Mind The Former President Ken Newton Mass
Though the death of the tie is declared regularly especially given the pressures of both the long-term office-casual movement and our current working-from-home reality Guy Trebay, our mens wear critic, maintains that you should not count the accessory out quite yet. As he said, even if were not wearing them much during lockdown, you dont want to give up on an element of the wardrobe thats been around for 400 years.
Ties can, after all, be used to signal your club, your interests, whether you are a jokester, a brainiac or even a clown. Not to mention, as you say, political affiliation.
The question is whether the party dividing line between red and blue that has swept even the necktie into its maw will remain uppermost in everyones minds now that unity is the word of the moment . Given how central red ties were to President Trumps uniform, it is natural to think that we may now have a Pavlovian response to the color. But the fact is, red ties were a wardrobe staple long before Mr. Trump got hold of them.
Its the combination of shade and style that makes the statement of allegiance, not simply one or the other. Thats what you should keep in mind when getting dressed. Then go ahead: Tie one on.
source https://www.patriotsnet.com/why-do-republicans-wear-blue-ties/
0 notes
patriotsnet · 3 years
Text
Why Do Republicans Wear Blue Ties
New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/why-do-republicans-wear-blue-ties/
Why Do Republicans Wear Blue Ties
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How Did The 2000 Election Solidify Red For Republican And Blue For Democrat
How To Combine & Wear A Pocket Square With Ties, Shirts & Suits
The 2000 election between Gore and Bush was a momentous event for American politics. The election became a constitutional crisis and dragged on for 36 days, leading to constant television and newspaper coverage of recounts and debates over which candidate won each swing state. Networks banded together on their color selection for each party for the purposes of uniformity, choosing red to represent states Bush won, and blue for those Gore won.
It was also during this election that the New York Times and USA Today ran their first full-color electoral state maps featuring red for Republican and blue for Democrat.;
Do you know where the Democrat and Republican Parties got their names? Find out here.;
But why these particular colors? Thats a difficult question to answer because all news stations want to take credit for what is now the standard.
The credit of the colors rests in part with New York Times graphics editor Archie Tse, who used red for Republicans in 2000 election maps because red begins with R, Republican begins with R. Whatever the reason, all of the news outlets certainly played a part in establishing blue and red as the colors when they collectively used them the same way.
What Does Your Tie Color Mean
Get the girl.
What do these three things have in common?; The right image.
We all know that first impressions can be influenced by what you wear.; Whether conscious or not, people make grandiose assumptions based upon your everyday appearance.
A tie is one of the most influential tools at your disposal.; Thats why you always reach for your lucky tie when you are about to close a deal or why the girl at happy hour playfully touches your tie to show shes interested.; Your tie makes a powerful statement and its important to know what image you are projecting.
Its called the power tie for a reason, and by wearing a red tie you are implying that you mean business.; Just like Tiger Woods wears a red shirt to convey dominance, the red tie is a reaffirmation of strength, authority and dominance within the professional world.; For a less aggressive approach, switch out your vibrant red for a softer shade of burgundy.
Yellow/Gold
Yellow is the approachable cousin of the power tie.; While still conveying authority, intelligence and positivity, yellow is the subtle version of a red power tie.; This is the perfect tie to wear for a first interview, because it shows you are confident and not afraid of a challenge.
Blue
Green
Orange
Orange is the wild card of tie colors.; A bright orange tie will imply that you are enthusiastic, open-minded and adventurous.; It is the perfect tie for making a memorable first impression and creating a sense of excitement within the workplace.
Trending In London: Fashion Rental Energy Healing And Pigmentation
Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama and Republican presidential nominee John McCain take part in the first debate of the 2008 elections at the University of Mississippi on September 26, 2008 in Oxford, MS. AFP PHOTO / PAUL J. RICHARDS
;The default color scheme for presidential ties is so conservative that it is nearly impossible to imagine something like pistachio, fuchsia or neon-anything ever making the cut. Sometimes, of course, being an outlier can help secure the needed benefit of the doubt. Bob Dole wore a moderate-green tie to his 1996 debate against the incumbent Bill Clinton. Such a choice helped create an overall image that pundits found informed, thoughtful, and elevated. It briefly albeit unsuccessfully buoyed Doles campaign. Hillary Clinton did not wear ties during her runs for the presidency. Still, her accessories were scrutinized by the media with particular focus on , bracelets, and headbands. Alternately, when democratic primary candidate Andrew Yang showed up to a 2019 Democratic Primary debate with no tie at all, his historic bold move turned heads across the political spectrum from Fox News to the New Yorker. Ultimately, it was a minor side note in what cost him the nomination proving that the country is just not ready for a tie-less president.
Also Check: How Many Republicans Need To Vote For Impeachment
Desks Are Closets Too
Heather: I have an emergency blazer in my desk that I can whip out if I feel I need to, and then an extra pair of flats in my desk. You do so much walking in DC that flats wear out really quickly. Ill keep Band-Aids and Neosporin in my desk, too, for when Im breaking in a pair of shoes. Ill get new flats every four months Ill just go to Marshalls and get whats on sale.
Jen: Im a big fan of having a lot of jackets that I keep in the office. You never know what day youll need to go staff your boss on the senate floor. Jackets that you can put on regardless of whether youre wearing slacks or a dress or a skirt and a top I think thats one of the easiest things to keep on hand. Then I have a black sweater, because these buildings can be terribly temperature controlled.
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There Arent Real Forces Within The Gop Leading Change
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There is some appetite for change within the GOP. In those 2024 polls, at least a third of Republicans either were supporting a GOP presidential candidate other than Trump or were undecided.;
In YouGov Blues polling, only about 40 percent of Republicans identified themselves as Trump Republicans. A recent survey from Fabrizio, Lee and Associates, a GOP-leaning firm that worked on Trumps presidential campaigns, found that about 40 percent of Republican voters didnt want Trump to continue to be a leader in the party. Those numbers dont necessarily mean that those voters want the GOP to change drastically. But there is a substantial number of Trump-skeptical/ready-to-move-on-from-Trump Republican voters. But that sentiment isnt really showing up in the Republican Partys actions during the last three months basically everything GOP officials in states and in Washington are doing lines up with the Trumpian approach. So what gives?;
related:Why The Recent Violence Against Asian Americans May Solidify Their Support Of Democrats Read more. »
It is hard to see Republicans changing course, even if a meaningful minority of voters in the party wants changes, without some elite institutions and powerful people in the party pushing a new vision. And its hard to see real anti-Trumpism forces emerging in the GOP right now.;
Read Also: Who Will Be Speaker Of The House If Republicans Win
The Partys Core Activists Dont Want To Shift Gears
This is the simplest and most obvious explanation: The GOP isnt changing directions because the people driving the car dont want to.;
When we think of Republicans, we tend to think of either rank-and-file GOP voters or the partys highest-profile elected officials, particularly its leaders in Congress. But in many ways, the partys direction is driven by a group between those two: conservative organizations like Club for Growth and the Heritage Foundation, GOP officials at the local and state level and right-wing media outlets. That segment of the party has been especially resistant to the GOP abandoning its current mix of tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations, opposition to expansions of programs that benefit the poor and an identity politics that centers white Americans and conservative Christians.
You could see the power and preferences of this group in the response to the Capitol insurrection.
In the days immediately following Jan. 6, many GOP elected officials, most notably McConnell, signaled that the party should make a permanent break from Trump. Pollsfound an increased number of rank-and-file GOP voters were dissatisfied with the outgoing president. But by the time the Senate held its trial over Trumps actions a month later, it was clear that the party was basically back in line with Trump.;
related:Why Being Anti-Media Is Now Part Of The GOP Identity Read more. »
When Defeated Politicians Feel Blue They Wear It
He was feeling blue.;
There he stood, front and center in his home state,;cloaked in failure. Sad Senator Marco Rubio addressed the crowd Tuesday:
“While it is not God’s plan that I be president in 2016 or maybe ever, and while today my campaign is suspended…we must do all we can to ensure that this nation remains a special place.”
He certainly wore his heart on his sleeve well, in this case, his tie. It was dark blue.
Following in the footsteps of Jeb Bush, who sported a silk navy tie, and Ben Carson, who wore a powder blue striped shirt at their respective concessions, Rubio, too, wore the color.;
And it wasn’t by coincidence. Premeditated or subconscious, blue is the color when you’re feeling the shade.;
“Wearing a blue tie is the right choice for conceding in an election,” said Lauren Rothman, a Washington, D.C.-based political stylist, consultant and author of the Style Bible.
“The color communicates two emotions at the same time: optimism and sadness.”
Rothman,;who’s dressed many a politician for their concession speeches,;said that blue sends the message for supporters to continue following them on to their next chapters and that they have officially had a standstill.;
“There’s a sense of calmness to it and comfort as if showing that it’s okay, it’s going to be all right,” she said.
Lee Eiseman, a color specialist and expert, agreed.;
But Eiseman did clarify that there are different signifiers of blue depending on the hue.;
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How The Colors Came To Be Red White And Blue
Of the 205 sovereign nations in the world, 21 share red, white and blue as their flags colors. But why do so many share the same trio of colors, and what do they represent?
On July 4, 1776, a resolution was passed by Congress authorizing the development of a seal for the new country which reflected the Founding Fathers values.
When presenting the seal which was officially adopted on June 20, 1782 Secretary of the Continental Congress, Charles Thomson, explained, White signifies purity and innocence. Red, hardiness and valor, and blue signifies vigilance, perseverance and justice.
The meaning behind the colors have since shifted slightly. In 1986, President Ronald Reagan declared it the Year of the Flag, stating, The colors of our flag signify the qualities of the human spirit we Americans cherish. Red for courage and readiness to sacrifice; white for pure intentions and high ideals; and blue for vigilance and justice.
According to TIME Magazine, however, Mike Buss, a flag expert with the American Legion, points to the red, white and blue used in the Union Jack of England.
They come from the three colors that the Founding Fathers had served under or had been exposed to, said Buss.
Therefore, some of the correlation between the United States use of red, white and blue along with 20 other countries, including Puerto Rico, Australia and Cuba, could come from their historical correlation with England.
Why Politicians Wear Only Red And Blue Ties
Why does Trump Scotch tape his tie?
Joe Dziemianowicz of the Daily News wrote that even though President Obama doesnt like to reduce America into a collection of red states and blue states, he wore only red and blue neckties in his first 11 days in office. Is that just a coincidence?
Not according to science Robert Roy Britt of LiveScience explains why in high-stakes politics and business, there are only two color of ties, red and blue:
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What Do The State Of The Unions Purple Ties Mean
Whats in a tie? If youre President Obama giving the State of the Union address, it can mean quite a bit. Tonight, Obama, along with Vice-President Joe Biden and Speaker of the House John Boehner, made a sartorial show of solidarity. The three leaders sported purple ties because as every first-grade student knows blue and red make purple, and it may be a visual signifier of Obamas desire for bi-partisan cooperation. This isnt the first time Obama and Biden have rocked the royal hue: The pair, along with thenSpeaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, all wore purple during the 2010 State of the Union. And then, as now, pundits speculated about its meaning. There is kind of a connotation in politics that comes through color, said fashion blogger Mary Tomer, of last years tie choices. I dont think its too much of a stretch to think purple couldve been chosen;symbolically.
Has Trump Been Wearing A Purple Tie More Often Lately
The last couple of weeks Ive noticed him wearing a purple tie.
Do Republicans notice this? Care?
Does it mean anything?
Why would it matter even if he was? Its a goddamn tie. You people love imagining bullshit where it doesnt exist.
Saying you people is almost always a derogatory remark. If you dont like the OPs question, address your answer to her.
Im with . Look around at other threads. Assumptions made on behalf of Trump supporters, and even supposing to know what our president plans, knows, wants, likes. Until Trump opposers are willing to stop lumping us in a pit of lost causes, expect the same in return.
, I have had the same observation, so perhaps he has. Does it have any significance? I believe only time will tell.
I think that if he is in fact wearing purple, he is doing it to reflect the electorate and its attitudes as the American population slowly moves to embrace the democratic party.
Are the colors of his tie supposed to mean anything?And WHY do Trump supporters get all bent out of shape and when thinking Trump opposers lump them in all together, but do the exact same thing when it comes to dealing with opposers?
So he bought a new tie. He wore the red one for almost three years, and he cant ever seem to tie it right. Glad he got a new one.
I think its some kind of white power salute.
Disclaimer: The above statement is a joke.
Which you people? and I?
Read Also: Why Do Republicans Like Donald Trump
Which States Are Considered Red And Which Are Blue
To go along with the colors, the terms red state and blue state were popularized by anchorman Tim Russert during and immediately after the 2000 election. Today, these terms are used to refer to which party a state voted for during a presidential election.;
Generally speaking, the Northeast and the West Coast are considered a collection of blue states as most of them have sided with the Democrats since the early 1990s.
The Southern states have sided with Republicans since the 2000s, while the Midwest tends to be tougher to predict. For example, Illinois and Minnesota are currently considered blue states, while Missouri and Nebraska are red. Hawaii and Alaska have been traditionally considered blue and red respectively as neither has switched parties since the late 1980s .
The Southwest has been split since 2000 with Nevada, New Mexico, and Colorado going blue more often than red and Utah and Arizona voting predictably red. Finally, we come to the coveted purple states or swing states,;such as Florida, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Iowa, Wisconsin, and Michigan. These states switched colors in recent elections and are often a key focus of electoral campaigning and strategy. Swing states can vary by election year.
Color And Clothing Choices
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When we see certain colors, they produce chemical reactions in our brains that can make us feel certain emotions. For example you are more likely to order more food in a restaurant that is decorated with a lot of red because that color makes us hungry. Sports teams often paint the opposing teams locker room pink because that color makes people tired. Guests on late night TV hang out in the Green Room before coming on stage because that color is the most calming and relaxing. So what could certain candidates be trying to sell you via their color and clothing choices?
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When Its Time To Head Back To The Office And On The Few Days When I Wear A Suit And Tie I Should Retire My Red Ties Right Unless I Want Everyone To Assume I Am A Trump Supporter Is It Possible For Any Man To Wear A Red Tie Now And Not Immediately Call To Mind The Former President Ken Newton Mass
Though the death of the tie is declared regularly especially given the pressures of both the long-term office-casual movement and our current working-from-home reality Guy Trebay, our mens wear critic, maintains that you should not count the accessory out quite yet. As he said, even if were not wearing them much during lockdown, you dont want to give up on an element of the wardrobe thats been around for 400 years.
Ties can, after all, be used to signal your club, your interests, whether you are a jokester, a brainiac or even a clown. Not to mention, as you say, political affiliation.
The question is whether the party dividing line between red and blue that has swept even the necktie into its maw will remain uppermost in everyones minds now that unity is the word of the moment . Given how central red ties were to President Trumps uniform, it is natural to think that we may now have a Pavlovian response to the color. But the fact is, red ties were a wardrobe staple long before Mr. Trump got hold of them.
Its the combination of shade and style that makes the statement of allegiance, not simply one or the other. Thats what you should keep in mind when getting dressed. Then go ahead: Tie one on.
0 notes
acrimsonphoenix · 6 years
Text
Damn right.
So, this is a lot of fluff and fun. It's kind of building on the backstory I established in my previous two fics "Moving On" and "Pillow Talk", but I'm not really considering this fic here part of that universe - even though you can read it that way, of course. :) Enjoy!
(I really, really tried to keep both Frank and Karen in character despite the fluffiness, hope it worked)
You can also find this fic on AO3. 
Frank noticed it the first time when he was in the shower.
It was around 7 am, he’d just come back from his morning run and the rising sun was streaming in through the blinds of the bathroom window, creating a striped pattern on the tiles and his body.
There it was, on the inner side of his lower left arm, in hasty handwriting that was definitely not his own.
“pick up milk!!!”
Frank almost dropped the bar of soap he was holding and stumbled back. His forearm had been bare for almost 2 and a half years now, the last message he ever received from Maria still burnt into his memories. “Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. I miss you so much!” spelled out in her perfectly neat handwriting that he’d watched develop since he’d been a kid, and which had actually made him grin from ear to ear like a fool when he’d recognized it on the piece of paper on which Maria had written down her number when they met that very first time in the park. The ability to talk to her through writing had been invaluable during his deployments and had kept him sane many times.
He brought his arm closer to his face to inspect the writing. It was definitely not Maria’s; it consisted of scrawling, printed letters, whereas Maria’s handwriting had almost been cursive.
Frank carefully ran a thumb over the writing. Just like with Maria’s writing at the time, it didn’t smudge. He scrunched his eyes closed and opened them again, but the writing was still there. Frank wiped his right hand across his face, placed the soap in his left hand back in its tray, and quickly rinsed himself off. Then he turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his middle.
The mirror above the small sink had fogged up and so he wiped it with the palm of his hand, staring at his own reflection for a few seconds before looking back at his arm.
He had no idea what was going on.
Karen cursed for the umpteenth time this morning. It had not been a good start. First, she had difficulty getting out of bed, then, the water in her shower wouldn’t heat up properly but currently worked perfectly for Frank, she discovered a hole in her favorite blouse, and finally, she realized that she’d forgotten to pick up milk for her morning coffee for the third day in a row.
To make sure that’d she’d think about picking up some milk on the way home this time, she grabbed a pen and wrote herself a note on the inner side of her left arm. It was an unusual habit to have. Most people used their inner arm to communicate with their soulmate, starting around the age of 12 or 13.
Back then, Karen, too, had excitedly started scribbling countless messages to her soulmate, from “Hello! How are you? I’m your soulmate.” to “Just so you know, I really like the movie ‘Bring it On.’” However, she’d never, not once, gotten a reply. When she researched why that could be, she found a lot of potential reasons, but nothing definite. Some experts said it was because her soulmate wasn’t born yet (which Karen found really gross, she didn’t want to feel like she could be her soulmate’s mother!), some said it was because her soulmate wasn’t ready for a relationship yet (stupid reasoning, in Karen’s opinion; a lot of soulmates that had found each other at a young age didn’t start a relationship right away and still could communicate with each other), and again others said it was because her soulmate had died or because she simply didn’t have one (Karen didn’t know which of those two was worse).
Her dad had comforted her, telling her that she should give it time, that he was sure someone was out there that God had chosen for her, and that there was nothing wrong with her whatsoever. After his death, her new stepfather Jeb had of course said the exact opposite; that it was a sign that she was a sinner, that something was wrong with her, and that it was God’s way of saying that she did not deserve a loving husband, lest she try her best to become a good, God-honoring woman. Her mom just told her not to worry and to trust in God, but Kevin, the hopeless romantic, had always said that it must mean that she was special and that with or without the writing, he knew she would find someone who’d love her truly and forever.
That had been two weeks before his deadly car accident. While he had been writing with his soulmate, the two of them hadn’t met until that point, and to this day, Karen’s heart broke for her brother’s mate who had no idea what happened, except for a completely empty arm since that day.
To avoid getting bullied by the other girls at school for not writing with her soulmate yet (they could be merciless about that), and in hopes that she might still get a reply at some point, Karen had taken to writing random thoughts on her arm – quotes, new cool words she’d learned, things she wanted to look up, and simple reminders. The other girls saw that there was writing on her arm, but didn’t look to closely as it would have been considered rude, and left her alone; and so with time, Karen’s inner arm had been a reflection of whatever was going on in her head.
She hadn’t really used her arm that way since she’d gotten to New York, and she hadn’t received any (literal) word from her soulmate either, so Karen had gradually resigned herself to staying alone.
Until Frank, that was. Before him, there had only been Matt, and for the briefest of moments, Karen had let herself entertain the thought that he might be her mate – the one who hadn’t written to her because he simply couldn’t see what she’d written to him over all those years. But then with time, she’d decided that he couldn’t be her soulmate, given how much he hurt her again and again – and how close he and Elektra were.
But with Frank, she had a different hope. She knew Maria had been his soulmate, and with her gone, Karen thought that maybe, this was somehow also meant to be – her and Frank, both broken, without their soulmates, building a life together that was not the perfect dream soulmates supposedly had, but good. Happy enough.
As a result, Karen didn’t think about it much when she wrote herself a little reminder on her inner arm and yelled a quick goodbye to Frank in the shower, until Ellison spotted it with his usual keen eye when Karen passed him a piece of paper.
“’Pick up milk, huh?’ Sometimes I wish we’d record all those things soulmates really write each other. It’s always about those great romantic poems and exchanges, but let me tell you, at the end of the day, most of it is just ‘Don’t forget to pick up the dry cleaning, dear!’” he said with a chuckle. “Although that might actually be most romantic stuff of all.”
Karen quickly withdrew her hand.
“Uh, this is not … ah,” she stuttered, not really knowing what to say without telling her boss the whole no-soulmate-sob-story.
“No need to be embarrassed.” Ellison winked at her. “You wouldn’t believe the kind of stuff I’ve seen on some people’s arms – accidentally of course – that made me blush from just reading it.”
Karen just gave him a weak laugh.
“Tell Pete that I said hello, and that I still cannot wait to meet him in person,” Ellison said as he finally left.
Frank. She’d completely forgotten what it would look like to him when she had something scribbled on her arm. She decided that she’d wipe the reminder off as soon as she’d left the supermarket tonight.
The writing was gone by the evening.  
Throughout the day as he was fixing up the bathroom in the house he helped renovate, Frank had glanced at the note on his arm, still without a clue as what to make of it.  
Now, on his way to Karen, the note was suddenly gone. He wasn’t sure whether he should be relieved or sad about that, but he was definitely glad that he wouldn’t have to explain to her what that writing meant when he had no idea himself.
A few days later, another note appeared. This time, he saw it the second he woke up in his own apartment.
“ask IT abt word update”
Frank rubbed his sleepy eyes. It was the same handwriting as earlier that week.
The words stayed etched on his skin all through the morning until about 11 am when they were suddenly gone again. During his lunch break, Frank found a spot to himself and did a bit of googling regarding soulmates as he wolfed down his sandwich, but he didn’t find anything relevant. Soulmate experts insisted there was only one match per person, and while there were reports of people having two or more mates, none of them seemed reliable or trustworthy enough to him. But then soulmate science had not been fully explored in the least, and there were still a million questions that even the best experts couldn’t answer.
For a second, Frank contemplated telling Karen about the writings on his arm, but he immediately got scared. He had no idea what was going on, and he didn’t want to cause any issues in their relationship before he even knew what the problem was (if there even was one). Besides, he couldn’t really imagine being with anyone else but Karen at this point, and had no interest whatsoever in tracking down a potential second soulmate.
Karen. What about her? They’d never talked about her soulmate before. He’d mentioned once that Maria had been his, and had even told her a funny story about a time when they’d tried to write the worst cuss-words they knew to each other as teens while she was at her grandparents’ place in a short-sleeved dress. But Karen had never once mentioned her soulmate to him, or any stories of writing with them.
Truth be told, the thought of her soulmate had popped into his head every now and then, but he’d always buried it just as quickly, not really wanting to confront that question. Besides, he’d reasoned that if Karen never brought the topic up herself, and since she clearly wasn’t writing with anyone, she might have lost her soulmate, too. One’s soulmate was once of the most personal topics one could talk about next to sex, but now, he felt like he’d have to ask her.
(Personal or not, he grudgingly had to admit to himself that he’d definitely been avoiding the issue far more than was healthy or reasonable given the seriousness of their relationship, anyway.)
“Can I ask you somethin’? ’s personal,” Frank therefore said as he forked up some spaghetti that evening. He and Karen were having dinner together in her apartment.
Karen threw him a bemused look.
“Of course,” she said with a smile as she took a sip of her water.
“You got a soulmate? We’ve been talking a lot ‘bout Maria but never about yours,” Frank asked, fixing her with a direct stare to hide his nervousness.
Karen’s face fell a little and she lowered her eyes towards her plate as she played with her food.
“You don’t gotta say, but I’s just wonderin’, you know?” Frank added, still bracing himself internally.
Karen shook her head and looked back at him.
“No, no it’s ok,” she said with a smile that felt forced. “I, uh, I don’t have a soulmate.”
Frank set down his fork.
“What?” he asked, confused. “You mean they died or …?”
Karen shook her head once more.
“No, never had one from the beginning. I started to write when I was around 13, but never got an answer. No-one could tell me why. For a minute I thought it might’ve been Matt – because, you know, he wouldn’t have been able to read what I wrote – but by now I’m pretty sure his was Elektra.”
Frank narrowed his eyes. “You mean, you never got a single word?”
“Nope,” Karen said, popping the p, before taking another sip of water. “Don’t worry about it. I spent a lot of time thinking about why me, how, and so on, but by now I’ve come to accept it.”
Frank made a noncommittal noise and picked up his fork again. “‘m sorry. You’d ‘ve deserved it.”
This time, Karen’s smile was genuine.
“Maybe,” she repeated. “But what would that have meant for us?” she asked.
Frank didn’t quite know what to think of what Karen told him. He didn’t think she was lying – she never lied to him – but he also hadn’t heard of a case like hers before. But then, he’d also never heard of a case like his before, either. He asked her a bunch of follow-up questions that Karen patiently answered until she finally asked “Are you trying to get rid of me or something?” with humor in her voice.
“No, ma’am, just curious,” Frank replied before cornering her against the kitchen counter where she was cleaning up the cutting board from dinner. “Not going to get rid of me, either,” he said, half-jokingly, half earnestly before capturing her lips, burying his hand in her hair and pressing his body against hers for a heated kiss.
The next day, he hung back after Curtis’ meet-up. He needed to tell someone about the mysterious writings. Today in the late morning he had noticed another set of words on his arm saying “goodbye party at 2!” which had then disappeared again at around 3 pm.
Curtis listened to Frank’s story impassively as always and had no idea of what was happening either.
“Why don’t you write back?” he asked Frank. “Ask who it is who’s writing to you.”
Frank shook his head.
“No. I’d be betraying Karen,” he said flatly.
“But you don’t even know who it is writing to you. Maybe there was a mix-up or something and you suddenly got paired with someone else’s soulmate and he or she is wondering why their soulmate is no longer replying,” Curtis offered.
Frank huffed and shifted his weight on to one leg.
“Mix-up?” he asked mockingly.
Curtis raised his shoulders. “Don’t know man, it’s not like anyone actually knows how this stuff works,” he replied as he picked up two chairs to put away.
Frank shook his head once more. “’sides, you know you can’t write names until you’ve met,” he countered.
“Normally, yes,” Curtis agreed. “But, this is clearly not a normal situation. Maybe the usual rules don’t apply.”
Later that night, Frank was sitting in his apartment, staring at his lower left arm on the table in front of him. A pen was lying next to it, and Frank was contemplating Curtis’ words. Finally, he angrily slammed the arm on the table.  He felt more and more like he was betraying Karen and he hated it. Things were going extremely well for them at the moment, they were growing closer every day, and he had even been thinking about suggesting that they move in together. Even if he didn’t actually have an active part in receiving those words on his arm, he felt like he was doing Karen wrong. She deserved so much better already, especially if she never had a soulmate herself, and now here he was, receiving the world’s most intimate form of communication from someone else. Someone he didn’t even know. Even if the content of the messages was as un-romantic and un-sexy as possible, communicating via messages on your inner arm as an adult was generally seen as the most personal and intimate you could be, a bit like kissing someone. Frank was no exception to that rule, and so he felt increasingly uncomfortable with the situation.
His bad mood remained for the rest of the week, and got even worse on Saturday evening. He was in his own apartment once again as Karen had to urgently meet a source and planned to write up the entire story afterwards. He was supposed to pick her up the next morning to drive them both to lunch at the Liebermans.
While he was lounging on his sofa in a t-shirt and reading a book, he saw the words appear out of the corner of his eye, letter by letter.
“what did the card say to the stamp?”
Frank cursed. Was this some kind of joke? Fuming, he got up and angrily pulled a hoodie over his body. He really didn’t want to see those letters, and he only hoped that they’d be gone by morning at the latest. He’d already been incredibly lucky that Karen hadn’t seen them so far.
Naturally, the words were still there the next morning, and he had to hide them underneath a long-sleeved shirt when they went for lunch at the Lieberman’s. The thought of the letters on his skin made him edgy; he had the urge to scratch them off, or to cut them off, as long as they’d be gone.
As soon as they entered the house, Leo dragged Karen off to show her the science project she’d been working on. Karen had helped Leo by downloading some scientific journal articles for her using the Bulletin’s account, and now that the project was finished, Karen was of course the first one who had to see it.
Frank tried his best to not let anyone notice his inner turmoil all throughout lunch, and happily agreed to play catch with Zach afterwards to take his mind off things. As they were playing on the front lawn, Leo came out to watch them.
Frank threw a particularly long ball that left Zach scrambling after it.
“Hey, Pete,” Leo called out to him as they were both watching Zach run. “What did the card say to the stamp?” She giggled.
Frank’s head whipped around.
“What’d you say?”
Leo giggled again. “What did the card say to the stamp? It’s a riddle!”
“How do you know that?” Frank asked her agitatedly. At the same time, Zach yelled his name from the distance.
“Gimme a second,” Frank yelled back and turned back to Leo.
“Sweetheart, this is really important, ok? Where do you know this riddle from?” he asked again, trying to keep his voice level.
“From Karen. She had it on her arm when I showed her my project earlier,” Leo replied, clearly confused at his behavior. “It was a code for a meeting she had last night.”
Zach called Frank’s name again, but he didn’t hear him. His eyes darted about wildly as his thoughts raced.
“Wha-?” he was about ask when the football hit him right on the side of his face and everything turned black.
When he came to, he was lying on his back on the front lawn, his head pounding slightly. Karen and the Liebermans were bent over him and looked down at him concernedly.
Karen reached out to cradle his face with her left hand.
“F- Pete, are you alright?” she asked with worry in her voice.
Frank cleared his throat.
“Yeah, all good,” he said gruffly. As he tried to sit up, his eyes snuck to her lower arm next to his face, but it was bare.
“I’m really sorry Frank, I didn’t mean to hit your head.” Zach’s contrite face appeared in his line of vision.
“Don’t worry ‘bout it, kiddo,” Frank mumbled.
“Let’s get you inside and an ice-pack for your head,” Sarah said. David and Karen helped hoist Frank up and he leant on Karen as they made their way inside.
While Leo and Zach ran for an ice pack and some water as instructed by their mother, Karen and David helped Frank lower himself on the sofa. He really didn’t need their help, but he knew that neither of the two would take no for an answer.
He tried to find an opportunity to pull up his left sleeve to check if the writing was still there, but it was difficult while the others were still fussing around him. In the end, he just decided to risk it, and pulled up both of his sleeves to make it look less conspicuous.
His arm was empty again.
He was trying to process this information and what Leo had said earlier as Karen carefully pressed an ice-pack to his head that Zach had brought in.
His head was actually much better already, but he gladly took the respite to close his eyes and to bring his thoughts into some form of coherence.
If it was true what Leo said, then it was Karen who’d written to him, probably unknowingly. The scribbles read like small reminders for herself that she’d wiped off as soon as she’d completed them. Except for last night’s which she likely had forgotten about once she got home and got started on her story. She’d told him that she’d stayed up very late to finish it, and barely woke up in time for him to pick her up this morning. If she hadn’t had a chance to shower, Leo would have seen it. Speaking of which, Karen, too, was wearing a long-sleeved shirt today, and he remembered it covering her arms when she got into his van in the morning. Now, however, her sleeves were rolled up. Maybe she had done so in Leo’s room and washed off the riddle right after Leo had noticed it and probably asked her the answer?  
He needed more information. First of all, handwriting. It occurred to him that he’d never actually seen Karen’s handwriting. The two of them communicated primarily via WhatsApp and the like. He might have seen her handwriting in the documents she shared with him before his trial, but back then, he hadn’t actually paid any attention to it. For work, she only had one notebook that he knew of, but he’d never had any reason to look at it. The few files that they both had looked at together in the entire time they knew each other, her few notes on the margins had been in block letters. The majority of her thoughts on the files she’d scribbled into her notebook.
Secondly – could he write back? She’d said that she’d never had a single message from her soulmate. Was that because he was it, and they only recently became matched, for whatever reason?
He suddenly had the incredible urge to leave to be able to check on those two questions. Luckily, it was quite late already, and so it didn’t appear strange when Frank announced that he was fine, really, and that it was time to go. Karen insisted she drive back, though, and when they were in the van, she pressed a loving kiss to the spot on his face where the football had hit him.  The flutter in his chest at the contact just made him more eager to find out.
Back at Karen’s place, Frank noticed Karen’s notebook that was still lying on the kitchen island from the night before. When Karen went into the bedroom to change into something more comfortable, he carefully lifted the cover to peek into it.
The same scrawl like the one on his arm in the last few days.
Frank smirked and his stomach did a little flip. He had no idea what he’d done to deserve such a second chance, but he certainly wasn’t stupid enough not to grasp it with two hands.
A few minutes later, the two of them were settled on opposite ends of the couch, each of them with their own book, their legs intertwined in the middle. As was her usual habit, Karen held her book up with her left hand, while she turned the pages with her right.
Frank continued to pretend to read while he quietly picked up the pen he’d stolen from her desk and started to write on his forearm.
“So, ma’am, what did the card say to the stamp?”
He watched as her eyes suddenly jumped to the letters appearing on her lower arm just below the book she was holding and an incredulous expression spread across her face. Her gaze moved up, registering the pen he was still holding, and meeting his in shock. She dropped her book and brought her right hand in front of her mouth, still holding her left in front of her. Frank sat up, put the book and the pen in his lap and reached for her left hand with his right.
“Thought I was going insane when your scribbles suddenly appeared on my arm last week,” he said with chuckle.
Karen swallowed hard, her face caught between disbelief and happiness.
“But, how’s that even possible?” she asked, staring at her lower arm once more before taking hold of his left and examining it carefully.  
“Beats me, but I sure ain’t protesting,” Frank replied, stroking her hand with his thumb as he watched her.
Karen reached over to take the pen from where it lay in his lap, put it down underneath his words on her arm and drew a little heart.
She let out a short huff when it appeared on Frank’s arm barely a second later.
“This is … Frank – this is impossible,” she breathed as she gently traced the heart on his arm with her index finger.
“Yeah, I know,” Frank said with a small smile. “But this is definitely us.”
Karen’s eyes became moist and she pulled his head in for a fervent kiss. When they broke apart, she rested her head on his collar bone and inspected her arm once more.
Frank pressed a lingering kiss to the top of her head.
“’m sorry you had to wait so long,” he said as he rested his cheek against her hair.
“It’s okay. Better now than never,” Karen replied with a wet laugh. She picked up the pen again and wrote next to the heart on her arm.
“I love you.”
Frank grinned like the sappy idiot in love that he was and found that he didn’t mind it one bit. He took the pen from her and wrote on his arm.
“And I love you, ma’am.”
The next day, Karen was just doing some research on her computer when she saw Frank’s writing appear on her arm.
“You still haven’t told me, what did the card say to the stamp?”  
Karen smiled and grabbed a pen.
“Stick with me, we’ll go places.”
Frank’s reply took only a few seconds.
“Damn right.”
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gaymusicchart · 6 years
Video
youtube
GAY MUSIC CHART – 2018 week 14
 Welcome to the Gay Music Chart, the LGBTQA related music videos TOP 50 actuality and most request.
Vote for your favourite LGBTQA related music videos by leaving a comment for this post on :
YOUTUBE (in the comment section of the video of the week) : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz7yfp-xq-b08tD6mAWwclA
BLOGGER : http://gaymusicchart.blogspot.fr
FACEBOOK : https://www.facebook.com/GayMusicChart/
TWITTER : https://twitter.com/GayMusicChart with #GayMusicChart  
TUMBLR : http://gaymusicchart.tumblr.com  
 Here is the recap for this week :
 OUT : CRIMER - I Won't Fall In Love (Live at Openair St.Gallen 2017) (LW: 21 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 21)
OUT : VELO feat. Melissa BeFierce - Perra (LW: 30 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 30)
OUT : Cheese On Bread - Bad Friend (LW: 31 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 31)
OUT : La Prohibida - Baloncesto (LW: 35 / WO: 35 / PEAK: 03)
OUT : Happy Little Clouds - Beneath (LW: 38 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 38)
OUT : Alice Caymmi, Pabllo Vittar - Eu Te Avisei (LW: 41 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 41)
OUT : Osvaldo Supino - Amati (LW: 42 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 41)
OUT : Courtney Barnett - Need A Little Time (LW: 45 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 19)
OUT : teo entertainment - Легко / Easy (LW: 47 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 47)
OUT : Lycinaïs Jean - Parfait Tourment (Version radio Edit) (LW: 48 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 48)
OUT : Victoria Solé - Te Amo (LW: 49 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 49)
OUT : Jinkx Monsoon - Just Me (The Gender Binary Blues) (LW: 50 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 27)
  01 (+ 1) : Ryan O'Shaughnessy - Together (LW: 02 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 01 (x1))
Ireland - 2018
This sweet ballad will represent Ireland at the Eurovision Song Contest 2018. The music video is so cute.
 02 (- 1) : Years & Years - Sanctify (LW: 01 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 01 (x2))
UK - 2018
Years & Years singer Olly Alexander says the band’s new single Sanctify is about straight men who experiment with gay sex.
 03 (+ 10) : Matt Palmer - Inevitably (LW: 13 / WO: 8 / PEAK: 03)
USA - 2018 / from the EP "Get Lost"
 04 (+ 5) : Sufjan Stevens - Mystery of Love ("Call Me By Your Name" OST) (LW: 09 / WO: 21 / PEAK: 01 (x1))
USA - 2017 / from the album ("Call Me By Your Name" OST)
The song was nominated for the Oscar of Best Original Song at the Academy Awards 2018.
 05 (+ 1) : Allie X feat. VÉRITÉ - Casanova (LW: 06 / WO: 14 / PEAK: 03)
Canada - 2017 / from the album "CollXtion II"
 06 (- 1) : Saara Aalto - Monsters (LW: 05 / WO: 8 / PEAK: 05)
Finland - 2018
This song will represent Finland at the Eurovision Song Contest 2018.
 07 (+ 1) : Calum Scott - You Are The Reason (LW: 08 / WO: 19 / PEAK: 04)
UK - 2017
 08 (+ 10) : SAKIMA - Daddy (LW: 18 / WO: 16 / PEAK: 08)
UK - 2017
 09 (+ 8) : Trevor Moran - Sinner (LW: 17 / WO: 17 / PEAK: 01 (x2))
USA - 2017
 10 (+ 6) : Netta - Toy (LW: 16 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 10)
Israel - 2018
This song, made by gay composer Doron Medalie and his partner and producer Stav Beger, will represent Israel at the Eurovision Song Contest 2018. It is already by far the great favorite for fans and bookmakers.
 11 (- 7) : Francisco Victoria - Marinos (LW: 03 / WO: 14 / PEAK: 03)
Chile - 2017
This is the first single of the Chilean singer, produced by Alex Anwandter. A revelation.
 12 (=) : Troye Sivan - Strawberries & Cigarettes ("Love, Simon" OST) (LW: 12 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 12)
Australia - 2018 / from the album "Love, Simon" OST
 13 (+ 6) : Kevin Chomat - Petite Fée (LW: 19 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 13)
France - 2018
The French singer has made a song to support Lana, a young girl who has a rare genetic disease called neurofibromatosis.
 14 (+ 12) : Calum Scott - What I Miss Most (1 Mic 1 Take/Live From Abbey Road Studios) (LW: 26 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 14)
UK - 2018 / from the album "Only Human"
 15 (- 4) : Eli Lieb - Next To You (LW: 11 / WO: 16 / PEAK: 02)
USA - 2017
 16 (- 6) : Kylie Minogue - Dancing (LW: 10 / WO: 10 / PEAK: 01 (x3))
Australia - 2018 / from the album "Golden"
 17 (- 10) : Janelle Monáe - Make Me Feel (LW: 07 / WO: 6 / PEAK: 02)
USA - 2018 / from the album "Dirty Computer"
 18 (- 3) : Les Funambules (Maximilien Philippe) - Pardon (LW: 15 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 15)
France - 2018 - from the album "Les Funambules"
This song is the confession of a man who's quitting his wife because he realised he was gay.
 19 (NEW) : Rotten Guitars - Aaja Saiyaan (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 19)
India - 2018
This brilliant music video depicts the difficulties to have a gay relationship in a country where homosexuality is still criminalized. It's a tribute to all those who were being killed for loving against the Section 377 law. A must see.
 20 (- 6) : Holland (홀랜드) - Neverland (네버랜드) (LW: 14 / WO: 10 / PEAK: 08)
South Korea - 2018
This is the first South Korean music video showing a gay couple kissing in a romantic way.
 21 (+ 12) : Michael Blume - Blunder (LW: 33 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 22)
USA - 2018
 22 (NEW) : CupcakKe - Crayons (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 22)
USA - 2018 / from the album "Ephorize"
This song is an anthem to the LGBTQ+ community.
 23 (NEW) : teo entertainment - Открой мне двери / Open heaven's door (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 23)
Russia - 2018
This song is an tribute to the victims of the deadly fire of Kemerovo in Russia, which killed 64 people, including 41 children. This tragedy upsets a lot the Russian society.
 24 (- 1) : Virgin Suicide - Evil Eyes (LW: 23 / WO: 17 / PEAK: 05)
Denmark - 2017
This Danish music video is like a short movie, telling the struggles of a closeted gay teen taken by his father to a fathers-sons's camp.
 25 (NEW) : Les Funambules feat. Sarah Manesse - Alan (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 25)
France - 2018 / from the album "Les Funambules"
This song is a tribute to Alan Turing.
 26 (+ 1) : Openside - I Feel Nothing (LW: 27 / WO: 8 / PEAK: 11)
New Zealand - 2017
Lead singer Possum Plows, who is gender non-binary, raises the transgender flag in this music video.
 27 (+ 10) : REIKA by Daniel Robinson / Björk - Jóga (Howie B Main Mix) (LW: 37 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 27)
USA - 2018
 28 (- 24) : Troye Sivan - My My My! (LW: 04 / WO: 12 / PEAK: 01 (x3))
Australia - 2018
The first track of his upcoming album has topped at #3 at the Worldwide iTunes Song Chart. It's the eighth single of the Australian singer in a row to be #1 in our chart.
 29 (- 1) : Todrick Hall feat. RuPaul - Dem Beats (LW: 28 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 28)
USA - 2018 / from the album "Forbidden"
 30 (NEW) : Baby Yors - Bad Influence (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 30)
Argentina, USA - 2018
 31 (+ 12) : Jordan LeShea - Alone (LW: 43 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 31)
USA - 2018
 32 (- 10) : Bagarre - Danser seul (ne suffit pas) (LW: 22 / WO: 12 / PEAK: 10)
France - 2018 / from the album "Club 12345"
Several drag queens are featuring in the music video of this French Touch house music.
 33 (NEW) : BFF - Borderline (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 33)
Switzerland - 2018
 34 (- 2) : MNEK - Tongue (LW: 32 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 22)
UK - 2018
 35 (- 6) : Hayley Kiyoko - Curious (LW: 29 / WO: 12 / PEAK: 08)
USA - 2018 / from the album "Expectations"
In her new song, Hayley is wondering why the girl she's dating is dating also another guy in the same time.
 36 (+ 3) : CRIMER - Cards (LW: 39 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 31)
Switzerland - 2018 / from the album "Leave Me Baby"
 37 (NEW) : Todrick Hall - B (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 37)
USA - 2018 / from the album "Forbidden"
 38 (- 13) : Nakhane - Interloper (LW: 25 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 14)
South Africa - 2018 / from the album "You Will Not Die"
We supports the South African singer and actor, who is threatened to death for portraying a gay character in the movie "Inxeba / The Wound", which has been banned for a while in South Africa.
 39 (NEW) : Manu Gavassi - Me Beija (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 39)
Brazil - 2018
 40 (NEW) : Valerio Scanu - Ed io (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 40)
Italy - 2018
 41 (- 21) : Q-Tip feat. Demi Lovato - Don't Go Breaking My Heart (LW: 20 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 20)
USA - 2018
 42 (NEW) : Keiynan Lonsdale - Kiss The Boy (Official Lyric Video) (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 42)
Australia - 2018
 43 (- 3) : Namuel - Poder (LW: 40 / WO: 6 / PEAK: 25)
Chile - 2018
 44 (=) : Patrick Wolf - The Days (fan video) (LW: 44 / WO: 10 / PEAK: 07)
UK - 2017 / from the album "God’s Own Country OST"
The multi-awarded movie was nominated in 2 categories at the BAFTA Awards 2017, including Best Outstanding British Film.
 45 (- 21) : SSION feat. Ariel Pink - At Least The Sky Is Blue (LW: 24 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 24)
USA - 2018 / from the album 'O'
 46 (NEW) : Big Freedia - Rent (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 46)
USA - 2018
 47 (- 13) : Chase Sansing - Begins With You (LW: 34 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 22)
USA - 2018
The country singer comes out with this pride anthem.
 48 (- 2) : morgxn - Translucent (LW: 46 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 18)
USA - 2018
 49 (- 13) : Trixie Mattel - Break Your Heart (LW: 36 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 36)
USA - 2018 / from the album "One Stone"
 50 (NEW) : Javiera Mena feat. Li Saumet - Intuición (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 50)
Chile - 2018
  ALSO NEW THIS WEEK
 Kylie Minogue - Stop Me from Falling
Australia - 2018 / from the album "Golden"
 DJ Aron & Beth Anne Sacks - Imagine
USA - 2018
 MIDDLESPOON - LightningBug
USA - 2017
 Rae Morris - Someone Out There
UK - 2018
 Rico Dalasam feat. Dinho Souza - Não Deito Pra Nada
Brazil - 2018
 Jade Baraldo - Nem o Mar (Pôde Levar)
Brazil - 2018
 Goro Gocher - Sólo un Amante
Uruguay - 2018 / from the EP "No Corresponde"
 Tyler, The Creator - OKRA
USA - 2018
 Erasure - A Bitter Parting
UK - 2018 / from the album "World Beyond"
 Calum Scott - If Our Love Is Wrong (Audio)
UK - 2018 / from the album "Only Human"
 Sam Smith feat. Logic - Pray (Audio)
UK, USA - 2018
 Lady Gaga - Your Song (Audio)
USA - 2018 / from the album "Revamp: Reimagining the Songs Of Elton John & Bernie Taupin"
 David Guetta & Sia - Flames (Lyric Video)
France, Australia - 2018
 Kylie Minogue - Raining Glitter (Official Audio)
Australia - 2018 / from the album "Golden"
 Olympe - Freed from Desire
France - 2018
 Meshell Ndegeocello - Waterfalls
USA - 2018 / from the album "Ventriloquism"
This is a cover of TLC.
 Jeb Havens - Space Cowboy (cover)
USA - 2018
 Zacc Milne - voguing live performance @ Ireland’s Got Talent 2018 - The Final
  See you next week and don’t forget to vote for your best LGBTQA music videos ! Here are the rules :
1 ) You can vote for many videos as you want under the videos on YouTube in the comment section. It could be recent or past music videos, which must provide at least one among the following conditions:
- the music video has LGBTQA related content, in the lyrics or the music video
- the artist is LGBTQA, an LGBTQA icon or eventually ally
- LGBTQA medias talked about it.
2 ) You can’t vote more than 3 songs of a same artist per week.
3 ) In case of an artist who receive votes mostly by a fan base, we will count only one song, in a limited time of 10 weeks of presence in the top.
4 ) You can vote with only one account.
5 ) If you make 5 votes or less, your first vote will represent 5 points, your second vote 4 points, etc… until your last vote and following 1 point. If you make 6 to 10 votes, your first vote will represent 10 points, your second vote 9 points, etc… If you make more than 10 votes, your first vote will represent 20 points, your second vote 19 points, etc…
6 ) People who make 1 to 5 votes form the amateur ranking, those who make 6 to 10 votes form the fan ranking, those who make more than 10 votes form the expert ranking. We form the jury ranking. And we count now the ranking of minutes of views of our weekly playlist of the previous week. The Gay Music Chart is the addition of the five charts. In case of equality, the number of votes and the dates of votes will count.
7 ) The votes will close on Thursday, 8 PM, European time.
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notbemoved-blog · 3 years
Text
Books, Books, Books
Lists are all the rage at the end of any year and this plague year is no exception. Since I’ve read a fair number of books by friends this past year or so, I thought I’d send out my “Goodreads” reviews of all three books that I’ve enjoyed with the hope of giving each a bit more recognition (and perhaps a bump in sales) in the New Year. The reviews are presented in the order that I reviewed them. All three books are available on Amazon or through your local independent bookstore. Also try IndieBound, the online independent bookseller. 
[End of Year Note: My apologies for not being more active on social media lately. I’m working on my own follow up to “We Shall Not Be Moved” and have tried to stay away from all forms of distraction, including social media. With any luck, my next project, the story of the Tougaloo Nine Library Sit-In, will be on its way to the publisher at the end of 2021.]
And now, for our 2020 BOOKS, BOOKS, BOOKS!
Wave On: A Surfing Story by Michael E.C. Gery
(Amazon Digital Services, 2018, 432 pages, Autobiographical Fiction)
[Reviewed August 2019]
"A wonderfully adept stoner’s diary for the boomer generation."
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I was thoroughly enchanted with “Wave On” from beginning to end. Even when I wasn’t sure exactly where we were going, the ride was exhilarating. Perhaps it was because I knew many of the places where the action takes place: Williamsburg, the Outer Banks, Annapolis, Ocean City, College Park, and even The Who concert back in 1971 [or was it ’70?] at Merriweather Post Pavilion, which I also happened to attend!! I read very little fiction but a fair amount of biography and memoir, and I must say that I rarely find a work of fiction that is as engaging and heart-driven as “Wave On.”
Part One is a pure, lovely, romantic love story that is contemporaneous with our early adulthood and, thus, easy for me to put myself in the shoes of Cro as he tries to navigate the strictures of young adulthood in a laissez-faire new world of the mid-1960s. The fact that he has been schooled at an Episcopalian Boys school and loves all of those old hymns and prayers makes it all the more real for me, having attended a 4-year Catholic high school seminary. Cro’s goofiness, uncertainty, and (initial) shyness around women also resonated.
What I loved about Part One is that Gery establishes a voice for Cro, the Narrator, that is immediate, engaging, alive, and consistent throughout the entire novelization of what I believe is Gery’s young adult life. (A new term I just picked up--“autofiction” i.e., autobiographical fiction--seems to apply here.) Cro is so normal in his struggles to understand how the world works, so honest in his mistakes, so in love with his environment—the ocean, the waves, the shore—that he makes us love them, too, perhaps a bit more than we already do. But it is that voice that intrigued me throughout. No matter what kind of scrape Cro and his interesting band of friends and lovers gets into, there is a confidence that they are up to the challenge. [I must admit that Cro’s drift during Part Two with regard to his professional aspirations and even his family life was a bit baffling, but I came to think that the weed had a lot to do with his lack of ambition and direction.]
Part Two, of course, gets a bit more complicated as real life intervenes and our little Love Couple begins to encounter troubles from within and without. I hated to see that and was certain that Cro was going to lose his wonderful Ella and Adam and couldn’t see my way through to how it all might resolve, particularly when Maryanne enters the picture and the Neil Young Concert kiss betrays a problematic (if not fatal) flaw in our hero. But I suffered through all of that, wanting to see how it all came out in the end. Although there was no deus ex machina, the surprising turn of events that helps resolve these dramatic arcs is shocking yet consistent. It all made narrative sense and helped explain why we were taken on so many to such a happy ending.
“Wave On” is a wonderfully adept stoner’s diary for our boomer generation. I can’t wait for Gery’s next work of autofiction to continue the journey with him. 
 Hard Road South by Scott Gates
(Blue Ink Press, 2020, 254 pages, Fiction)
[Reviewed, May 2020] 
“A little jewel box of a novel.”
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 “Hard Road South” is a little jewel box of a novel set during the early days of Reconstruction Virginia. This beautifully rendered tale imagines a naïve Connecticut Yankee—a former Union soldier—who travels South to visit and potentially settle in some of the lush foothills of the Shenandoah Valley where he once engaged the Confederate “enemy”. Hoping to find peace while helping to reform a culture that wishes to be left alone, our hero, one Solomon Dykes, finds fast friends but also fast enemies amidst the verdant pastures of his would-be Old Virginny Home.
An early scene sets the tone: A down on her luck woman is stopped in the town of Middleburg—the place that would become the enclave of the likes of millionaires John and Jackie Kennedy and Jack Kemp Cooke a century later—by some Union soldiers still on the scene occupying this “foreign” land to ensure compliance with Union directives. Her transgression? Wearing the Confederate uniform jacket of her dead husband. The three Confederate buttons on the jacket must be removed or she will be arrested and charged with treason. Such is the over-reach of conquering heroes.
Our damsel in distress is aided by the swift thinking of one Jeb Mosby, a local farmer, who pulls out his knife and gently removes the buttons so as to spare his life-long neighbor the embarrassment of arrest. “Such was life now,” Mosby observes. “Filled with reminders—small as they may seem—that life would not soon be returning to how he’d left it before the war.” It is small observations such as this that gives this book its charm and its weight. Representations of what life must have been like for the conquered South are constant reminders that the likes of Solomon Dykes were not at all welcome and most likely would be rebuffed should the opportunity arise. Scott Gates is new to novel writing, but you wouldn’t know it from his sharp eye for detail and his pacing. Gates gives his story and his characters plenty of room to breathe and develop while providing the reader with glimpses of the specifics of their war-torn lives. A Southerner by birth, Gates offers a sensibility of one trying to bridge the great divide while not shying away from the difficulties building that bridge might require. This is a tale for our time, as well, as our nation is once again fraught with deep divisions perhaps not seen since the ending of that great Civil War more than 150 years ago. We are stuck and unable to move forward until some fundamental rift gets settled. “Hard Road South” is a highly readable, thoroughly enjoyable yet cautionary tale for our time. Perhaps we can learn from the past and this time get things right. Perhaps … 
 Small Business Big Heart: How One Family Redefined the Bottom Line by Paul Wesslund
(Highway 61 Communications, 2020, 242 pages, Nonfiction)
[Reviewed, August 2020]
“Big-hearted Book Teaches That Care for Others = Good Business”
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In the midst of a global health crisis—the worst we’ve seen in generations—and while we struggle as a country, as a people, to find our footing morally and culturally during a reductio ad absurdum political creep show, Small Business BIG HEART lands as a corrective, a balm to soothe frayed nerves and intemperate minds. That is not to say that this big-hearted book is pablum. No, the stories it brings are all too real—people who often have lost their way through drugs, alcohol, and bad choices; refugees who have fled horrific circumstances and are looking only to start a new life but can’t due to the stigma of being different; and one family in particular that is faced with its own dissolution as well as the loss of its dream of a thriving family business. The high-stakes rollercoaster ride that journalist Paul Wesslund takes us on is dizzying not only for its incredible highs and sometimes tragic lows, but also because it introduces a concept too often forgotten … no, disregarded … in modern business life—what corporate governance experts would call “the duty of CARE.”
Sal and Cindy Rubino are two hard-working business owners who, through the course of their trials and tribulations, manage to hold on to the dream of a creating their own business from scratch while also enduring the inevitable personal strains that such a dream exacts. The two met and fell in love while working toward Hospitality Management business degrees in Miami, but the real story starts when they try and apply the lessons of their training in the difficult day-to-day drudgery of actually running their own restaurant—simply named “The Café”—in an offbeat, run-down section of Louisville, Cindy’s hometown. It is here that their skills and wills are tested to the limits and each will have to adjust their visions to fit the realities not explored in textbooks. And it is here that their hearts will be broken, and then opened to the truths that adaptability and innovation can be applied not only to recipes and business models, but to the very people you employ and the methods you use to build a team for success.
Along the way, we meet all manner of broken individuals. The restaurant business is notorious for laying waste to lives due to its thankless dawn-to-dusk hours and the constant requirement to please the customer at all costs. Wesslund has an expert’s eye for the telling detail and the wrenching story line. [I found myself tearing up at any number of stories throughout this engaging, nonfiction tale.] His twenty years as editor-in-chief of Kentucky Living, the largest circulation monthly magazine within the state, shows in the well-drawn portraits of individuals from as far away as Bhutan and as near as Pricilla’s Place, a half-way house just a few blocks from the Café, where Cindy and Sal would find some of their best employees. Perhaps Wesslund’s (not to mention the Rubinos’) refusal to judge people by the standards of upwardly mobile middle-class values but instead, with extraordinary discernment, to look deeper into their souls to spot their special sparks and unique talents is the hallmark of this extraordinary book.
It is rare outside of evangelical circles to find a book that so openly espouses Christian principles, but Sal and Cindy make no bones about the fact that their faith community helped to save their marriage as well as their business, and Wesslund recounts the strength of those relationships and the power of religious inspiration with rare delicacy. Yet the book is not all seriousness and drama. We get, of all things, recipes (!) at the start of nearly every chapter—a creative way of introducing a new topic or the next development of this constantly churning story. And we are introduced to Cindy’s creative cooking style, to Sal’s winning smile and to their gracious, open approach to hospitality.
Small Business BIG HEART runs the gamut of the small business life cycle. It is a soup-to-nuts (literally) primer on the ups and downs of small business management. As such, it is tough medicine for anyone daring to think of creating their own start-up. Given that, however, it provides a deeply affecting microcosm of how we as a society—as a culture—might live if we, indeed, saw everyone we encountered as a member of our own family. It does not skimp on the tough decisions that must be made to keep a business afloat—the “tension between compassion and the bottom line”—but it provides a template on how to “run a business with heart”—where everyone can be a winner.
Wishing you a New Year full of new books, new ideas, new opportunities, new promise. 
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itsfinancethings · 4 years
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In his latest audition to be America’s Healer-in-Chief, Vice President Joe Biden delivered a speech on Tuesday about the fight against systemic racism, which he said was fundamental to a “battle for the soul of the nation” this election year. “The country is crying out for leadership,” Biden said, speaking at a podium at Philadelphia City Hall, flanked by American flags. “Leadership that can unite us, leadership that brings us together, leadership that can recognize the pain and deep grief of communities that have had a knee on their neck for a long time.”
The speech was the latest in Biden’s empathy offensive—a series of remarks and public appearances that talk about the pain at the heart of the nationwide protests, while calling for unity to confront systemic racism. Biden’s strategy is to make his presidential campaign a contrast between character and empathy on his part and antagonism and bluster on Trump’s. In the process, Biden is hoping to demonstrate a model of leadership rooted in shared suffering and compassion, themes that have animated his political career.
As he has often done over his decades in public life, Biden spoke Tuesday about personal mourning and historical grief, this time in the context of communities protesting the continuing scourge of racial injustice. “We’re a nation in pain, but we must not let our pain destroy us,” he said. “We’re a nation enraged, but we cannot let our rage consume us. We’re a nation that’s exhausted, but we will not allow our exhaustion to defeat us.”
Those themes serve his larger goal of drawing a character contrast with the President’s response. Trump, who tweeted that the protesters were “THUGS” and vowed that “when the looting starts, the shooting starts,” had spent the weekend threatening protesters outside the White House with “vicious dogs” and “ominous weapons,” and urged the nation’s governors to “dominate” the protesters, whom he called “terrorists.” On Monday, Trump delivered a speech in the Rose Garden threatening the use of military force against protests and vowing to “end it now.”
Biden, by contrast, used the Tuesday speech as an opportunity to illustrate a different vision of leadership. “I look at the presidency as a very big job, and nobody will get it right every time, and I won’t either,” he said in Philadelphia. “But I promise you this: I won’t traffic in fear and division, I won’t fan the flames of hate, I’ll seek to heal the racial wounds that have long plagued our country, not use them for political gain.”
The Trump campaign responded forcefully on Tuesday, accusing Biden of using “the politics of racial division when they suited his needs.” “Joe Biden’s campaign made it clear that they stand with the rioters, the people burning businesses in minority communities and causing mayhem, by donating to post bail for those arrested,” said Trump campaign senior advisor Katrina Pierson in a statement. “He has obviously made the crass political calculation that unrest in America is a benefit to his candidacy.”
But the Philadelphia speech was just Biden’s latest demonstration of his attempt to do the things Trump can’t or won’t: ease the pain and unify the country. On Sunday, Biden visited with protesters in Wilmington, wearing a mask as he posed for selfies with demonstrators. On Monday, he visited a local black church to pray and listen to community leaders, then took a knee for a photo. Later that day, he hosted a roundtable with the mayors to discuss solutions to police violence.
The speech also represented an elaboration on Biden’s oft-repeated slogan that this race is a “battle for the soul of the nation.” In Philadelphia, he articulated an analysis of America’s battle with systemic racism that borrowed from Barack Obama’s often-repeated idea that the fight is worth having, even if it is never fully won. “I wish I could say that hate began with Donald Trump and will end with him. It didn’t, and it wont,” Biden said. “American history isn’t a fairy tale with a guaranteed happy ending. The battle for the soul of this nation has been a constant push and pull for more than 240 years. A tug of war between the American ideal that we’re all created equal and the harsh reality that racism has long torn us apart.”
“The honest truth is that both elements are part of the American character,” he continued. “At our best, the American ideal wins out. But it’s never a rout, it’s always a fight, and the battle is never fully won. But we can’t ignore the truth that we’re at our best when we open our hearts rather than clench our fists.”
The response to nationwide protests around Floyd’s killing have crystallized the two candidates’ approach to the presidency: for Biden, it’s a moment to grieve and heal, for Trump, it’s a moment to emphasize divisions and talk about “law and order.” It’s “sort of a psychic X ray of what the two men are like,” says Stuart Stevens, a GOP strategist who ran Romney’s 2012 campaign and is now supporting Biden. “It’s impossible to imagine another president sitting inside the White House and rage tweeting” he said. “Even Nixon went out and talked to the protesters,” referring to Nixon’s famous visit with hippies protesting in front of the Lincoln Memorial.
The Biden team is clearly leaning into the contrast. “Whether it be on the physical or virtual campaign trail, Joe Biden’s unmatched experience, thoughtful leadership, and profound empathy are the qualities voters are searching for in a president and are completely absent from Donald Trump’s reckless behavior and deranged tweets,” says Biden spokesman Matt Hill. “As the nation mourns the loss of lives and livelihoods from coronavirus and grapples with the racial injustices that killed George Floyd, Vice President Biden has provided Americans what they are searching for—a leader who listens to their concerns, comforts grieving families, leads by example, and shows them how to come together in times of crisis.”
Biden has treated the last week as an audition for the American people, demonstrating his vision of how a President should behave through a national crisis. Part of that is drawing on his painful past: after losing his wife and daughter in a 1972 car accident and his son Beau to cancer in 2015, Biden has developed an uncommon fluency with grief, and a reflex to publicly share mourning that has powered him through his political career. “My losses are not the same as the losses felt by so many, but I know what it feels like when you think you can’t go on. I know what it means to have that black hole in your chest,” he said in Philadelphia. “But I also know that the best way to bear loss and pain is to turn that anger and anguish into purpose, and Americans know what our purpose is as a nation.”
Strategists in both parties say the roiling crises gripping the country gives Trump more rope to embarrass himself and allows Biden to flex his most powerful political muscles. “Is anybody defending Trump right now?” says Tim Miller, a Republican strategist who ran communications for Jeb Bush and is now advising conservatives to vote for Biden. “You don’t even hear Republicans on the Hill talk about how he’s doing a good job.”
The Floyd protests were just the latest opportunity for Biden to go on an empathy offensive: the coronavirus pandemic had already given him plenty of room to argue the point. Consider the difference when the American Covid-19 death toll reached 100,000 this week. On the day the New York Times ran the names of 1,000 dead Americans on their front page, Trump was golfing. On the Wednesday when the death toll surpassed 100,000, Trump tweeted glancing condolences about what he called a “very sad milestone.”
Biden, from his home TV studio, issued a 2 minute video address to mark the enormity of human loss. “There are moments in our history so grim, so heart-rending, that they’re forever fixed in each of our hearts. A shared grief,” Biden said, looking into the camera and speaking directly to the families of the dead. “I think I know what you’re feeling,” he said. “You feel like you’re being sucked into a black hole in the middle of your chest. It’s suffocating. Your heart is broken, and there’s nothing but a feeling of emptiness right now.”
That empathy gap may help explain how Biden has built a durable lead in the polls without visiting a single swing state or shaking the hand of a single voter in the last three months, as he’s been largely isolated in his home because of COVID-19. Biden leads Trump by 10 points according to a May 31 Washington Post/ABC News poll and has an edge in a half-dozen key swing states, an advantage that has remained remarkably stable over the past several months. One recent Quinnipiac poll found Biden leading Trump by 10 points with senior citizens and 11 points with white women, both groups Trump won handily in 2016.
Some observers say that lead is less the result of Biden’s empathy offensive than Trump’s erratic behavior in recent months. Biden‘s best move, they say, may be to just let the President stumble on his own words. “When your opponent is killing himself, just get out of the way,” explains veteran Democratic strategist David Axelrod, quoting an old campaign axiom. “Donald Trump can’t help but make himself the center of attention all the time,” he says, adding that any Biden mistakes look miniscule by contrast. “When you’re lighting your hair on fire every day, it’s hard to say ‘yea, but look at that guy.'”
And the protests could have political impact in November. While some research suggests that violent protests can favor self-proclaimed “law-and-order” conservatives like Trump, other data suggests that mobilizing non-white voters could be the key to a Democratic victory in November. “You can call them protests, but you could also call them non-white voter turnout rallies,” Stevens says. “It’s hard to imagine anything that’s going to be more motivating.”
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kaishighat · 7 years
Text
Loving||Self Para
October 12, 2012
Odysseus.
That’s what he thought of when he first saw her. All pink cheeked and out of breath from laughing, Kai had flirted his way through the freshman class, but he’d never seen Anja before. As far as he knew she didn’t go to the school but there she was in front of him. The moment he saw her he suddenly understood what all those men from the myths went to war and died for. He understood just how powerful beauty was and it didn’t drive him mad enough to do anything to continuously have her in his life, but he did drop the joint he was rolling.
April 4th, 2017
“Anja? Anja stay awake okay? I got you, but you gotta stay awake.” 
He spoke quickly, his arms wrapped around her chest as he dragged her to the bathroom, putting her body over the toilet and shoving his fingers into her mouth. There was a gurgle, a cough and finally she started throwing up, her body heaving forward on it’s own as the contents of her stomach emptied into the bowl. He leaned over turning on the shower, pulling her into it when she was done, propping her back against his chest and turning her head to the side. “There ya go… Just…. Just stay awake. Stay with me.” She was crying, wrapping his now wet forearm around her. “What have I done, Kai?” It came out as a slurred whine, followed by more heaving as she tried to cry. He sighed, his other arm going around her middle as he held her, letting her get it out. She could be screaming and he’d be fine, but she just had to be awake. There was nothing pretty about addiction and there was nothing pretty about overdosing.
He stuttered over his words, laughing as he bent down to pick up the now half empty joint. “Party foul!” She called at him, wandering over to help him clean up what was left on the floor. “Yeah, well, guess the doc had a slip of the fingers.”
“You must be a shitty doctor.” She replied, winking at him. Kai paused a moment, before getting the joke and letting out a laugh, kicking himself for sounding like such a tool. He didn’t even smoke, he just liked to roll them. He found it relaxing. Something about the repetition of it all. “So, that your name then? Doc?” She asked, standing up with him as he dusted his hands off. He gave her a nod, moving to start the process over. “Yeah. Doctor GreenThumb.” She gave him a serious look before breaking out into giggles. “You accepting new patients, then?” She asked. Kai smiled a little and shrugged. “Depends, who’s the patient?”
“Anja… I’m Anja.” Kai could’ve sworn if there was no light in the room her smile would’ve lit it. “Anja, huh? I’m Kai… And unfortunately, it’s not my stuff, so you’ll have to ask Aiden if he’s open to sharing.” She bit her lip, looking him over and leaning on the counter. For the first time that night he didn’t hear the music. He didn’t hear the people laughing and talking, he didn’t hear the yelling or the anxiety in his head. He just heard her voice. “Well, Kai, it’s nice to meet you. Even if you can’t be my doctor.”
She was stable now. The shakes stopped, her breathing wasn’t labored, there was a pool of vomit by the tub, but they were just laying under the spray, talking, crying, sitting in the quiet. Anja had sent Marley off with a friend before this all happened, only calling Kai when she realized she may have taken too many things. And Kai had never run so fast in his life. That’s the thing with love. No matter of the end, no matter of the bad, no matter of the hurt and the anger, the love is there. It’s hard to let go of and it’s hard to forget how strong of a connection it was. And Kai, still loved Anja. No matter what.
“I was doing so good, Kai…” Her voice was shaky and broken, a sob coming from her mouth as she held onto him tighter. “You were, you went awhile there… Remember what the counselor said, though? It’s not a steady line. We know you can go a year, so we’ll aim for two or permanent sobriety this time, yeah?” This wasn’t the first time she tried quitting, and it wasn’t even the second. She’s been on and off pills since she was sixteen, and it only got worse once they moved out to New York. “I’m gonna have to go to rehab this time, aren’t I?” Her voice broke the silence, and while he knew that she was going to have to leave, it didn’t seem real until she said it. Kai didn’t want her to leave. That meant the love wouldn’t be an arms length away and that meant Marley wouldn’t be with him anymore. But he also knew if he wanted her to get better, if she wanted to get better, she couldn’t be here anymore. He simply gave a nod, stroking her hair away from her face. “Yeah… Yeah I think that’s what’s gonna be best, babe.” He heard a sniffle and then she went quiet again, for a moment. He loosened his grip so she could move around a bit, doing his best to swallow the lump swelling in his throat. “Remember when you used to hold me like this?”
When they were fully in love. When they went through the sex talks, and the parenting classes for Kai, and he helped her kick her habit. Before the cheating, before New York, before all the bad, one of their favorite things to do what to take baths together. All bubbles and candles and laughing and gentle neck kisses. “So, if I pretend I understand what you’re talking about with the… design and shapes and stuff, do I get brownie points?” She giggled, looking back at him. “I mean, I can definitely talk about something else if you’re that bored.” He teased back, raising an eyebrow at her, an easy smile on his face. They worked. They made themselves work. Two different people in the sense not only were they on opposite ends of the spectrum, they were on completely different spectrums. Anja liked to party, and the most socializing Kai did was in lacrosse or at his art shows. This was their happy medium. Marley with grandma for the night, they cozied up in their tiny Louisiana apartment, and it was enough until it wasn’t.
“Yeah… Yeah I remember… How can I forget? You about burned my dick off with the candle.” He laughed a little, earning a gentle slap to the arm. “That was all you, my friend.” They shared another short laugh before it got quiet again, both feeling the things they used to but both knowing how this was going to end. “Do you… Do you still love me?” Her voice came out barely a whisper, and he could feel her stare going towards the ground, almost as if she was scared of the answer. And he didn’t even know what to tell her. So he told her the truth.
“I do… I think I always will… But we don’t work, and I think you know that.” He said it as gentle as possible, his own eyes going towards the shower head, not wanting to see the hurt on her face. There was so much happening and so much history that it was exhausting loving each other. When it gets to the point where you spend more time making it work than enjoying the love, it’s time to call it quits. “I know… I know that. Sometimes I just… I miss hearing you say it, is all.”
They eventually got out of the tub, Kai helped her clean up and then stuck around until she got out of the shower. “I called your mom to let her know…” He trailed off, eyes going to the clinic number they kept, handing it over to her. “She’s gonna call and have you checked in… Ian said he’ll have tickets booked for the three of you.” They went through the plan, as she dried off and sobered up a little. He knew she didn’t like this, but if they didn’t take control of the situation, she wouldn’t go. They’ve been through this before.
An addict is an addict is an addict and Anja? She’s an addict and she’d sooner ignore the problem than get help for it. “I don’t have to be accompanied like a child.” She rolled her eyes, going over to check her phone. “I know, but he just wants to say goodbye. And I can’t go this week, so it has to be him.” He explained, chewing on his bottom lip. Kai wanted to cry. Saying goodbye was going to be the hardest part of all this, but he knew it was best and he had to keep that in mind. Anja nodded, resting her forehead in her hand, letting out a deep sigh. “Okay. Okay, yeah, that sounds good. Yeah..” She let out another deep breath, rubbing her eyes. “Uhm, I can bring your stuff down to your mom’s since I have the Jeep, or Jeb brought his truck up so I can just borrow it…” There was a weird rift between them. This dreaded moment of knowing their story was coming to an end but wanting to so badly to keep it going. He got a nod in response, and before she could say anything, Ian walked through the door, worried eyes falling on Anja. Her face crumpled up once more and he rushed towards her, holding her against his chest.
It hurt more than he’d admit, watching them. Just one more thing he’d keep to himself. Kai stood up, shrugging his jacket on patting himself down to make sure he had all his things. Ian mouthed a thank you to him, and Kai just nodded, showing himself out and locking the door behind him, shoving the key under the door. He wouldn’t need it anymore.
The week went by and he met them at JFK, giving Ian a hug and thanking him for taking care of her. The two left Kai to be alone with Marley for a moment. Her eyes were puffy, he could tell she didn’t sleep the night before. “Hey Primadonna.” Her little arms wrapped around his neck tightly, and his own arms went around her little body, hoping that if he held on tight enough he’d open his eyes and this would all be one shitty nightmare. But it wasn’t.
It’s hard to believe but there was a time between them when love was enough. Kai had never wanted to be a dad until he met Marley. He’d be lying if he said they were always as close as they were, and it’s weird to think there was a time he was terrified to be alone with the little girl. Now it’s hard having to imagine going his days without her there. No more parent teacher meetings, no more recitals, no more clinic visits or checkups, no more giggles or kissing her scrapes. He wasn’t her dad, but he may as well have been. However, bonding isn’t enough to put your name on a birth certificate, and five year olds are too young to understand that mom has a habit so they say she’s just sick. And Marley can’t stay with Kai because Kai can’t use the system to help take care of her. He’s not family by blood or legal standing.
“Daddy, I don’t wanna go!” She started crying again, and it was so hard to keep his composure but he mustered all his energy and did it anyway.  “I know, I know, but you have to, okay? You gotta be brave for me, yeah? I’ll be down in a few months with all your stuff, and Grandma said you can call me whenever. You have my number right?” She was still crying, but she nodded, rubbing at her eyes. “Hey, hey, baby girl, it’s gonna be okay.” Kai put on his best smile, gaining her focus. “I will see you again, okay? I’m not going anywhere. When mom isn’t sick anymore, you can come up and see me, and I’ll be down in the summer to see you. Okay?” Finally, somewhere in her five year old mind, she found logic and calmed herself. “You promise me?” She asked, sticking out her little pinky. He snorted and nodded, wrapping his pinky around hers and giving them a kiss. “I promise you. I will always be here. You call me and I’ll come running.” She nodded, giving him one last hug and a little kiss. They finally managed to pry her off of him, doing one last round of hugs, then Kai watched them head to the gate and disappear into the crowd.
And then he went home, immediately starting to box up Marley’s things. He figured out of sight out of mind, but how can he really forget. All the pictures of the pair together, all the framed scribbles she called drawings came down and were neatly packed away. All the toys had already been boxed along with her sheets and stored in a unit he and Ian bought for Anja and Marley’s things. He didn’t slow until he picked up the most recent photo of them together, taking a seat on the bed and studying it. Kai had never wanted to be a dad. He didn’t want to feel this heartbreak. He thought if he kept telling himself she wasn’t his, it would stop ripping his chest apart but it didn’t.
So he sat there on the bed. Picture in hand, he took a few more out, deciding to keep some for himself. And he went and hung them on the fridge or placed them around the apartment, taking a seat on his couch and looking over at the now vacant room.
And he finally let himself break down and cry.
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