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orsuliya · 4 years

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Guess what, it’s time for more married!Awu/XQ headcanons, part 2 of who knows how many. Beware of the sappiness!

Once it becomes clear that Xiao Qi and Awu have wildly different ideas about educating children, the denizens of Ningshuo Fortress draw a collective breath. Amusingly enough, it never comes to an all out fight like the one people have been expecting… but still a rather interesting time is had by all.

See, there is no doubt that raising a legion of soldiers is as much out of question as raising a glasshouse of tropical flowers… or root vegetables. That much everybody – from Ah Li Ma to Tang Jing who were both asked to consult on the matter – can agree on. The devil lies in the details. Reading and writing is paramount, but is calligraphy really necessary? Sewing is obviously a must for all, but is fanciful embroidery? Every child should be competent with at least one weapon, but ought they also learn to play instruments, even those with no particular talent for it? At least rudimentary drawing is useful all across the board, no argument to be had there.

The problem is not that Awu and Xiao Qi cannot find a compromise in each of those cases – they absolutely can. Or rather they could... if they were not so careful of offending each other. There comes a time when Xiao Qi blurts out that a princely education is no guarantee of a clear mind or an honourable heart… and then spends the next day or two being strangely apologetic. Which Awu certainly notices, for all that she has no idea what might have caused this sudden development. Yeah, that comment didn’t really register, at least not in the way Xiao Qi fears it did. And yes, Zitan is that much of a non-entity in Awu’s mind.

At the same time Awu might have been dancing around certain subjects, loathe to admit that her husband’s writing is sufficient for the purpose, but would absolutely prevent him from pursuing any kind of serious career in civil service. And since they want their kids to have options, maybe they should think about employing a calligraphy master after all.

Don’t worry, they come clear on both issues! What else are their nightly hug-discussions for, if not resolving potentially painful matters in a relaxed, constructive and mutually satisfying manner?

______________________________

Why would Awu be dancing around certain subjects related to Xiao Qi’s level of education? It’s not like he was ever particularly sensitive to such matters as class difference, right? No sign of inferiority complex there, that’s for sure. Well…

When Awu and Xiao Qi were preparing to leave the capital, Asu made an entire production out of his sister’s upcoming departure. Ningshuo, for all that it may be paradise itself – if one listens to the locals – is rather… provincial, right? No decent wine to be had, no silks, golden bathtubs, first-class inks, high-quality perfume or incense and if there is one decent guan to be had out there, then Turnip will eat his own most decorative one!

Not that Turnip ever comes out and says that Ningshuo is his idea of hell, but still. There is a reason why Xiao Qi prefers not to take part in this whole packing rigmarole; he wouldn’t want to distress his brother-in-law too much… or rather more than he already does at court. Awu takes this brotherly care with good humour; Asu is Asu and it’s true that he would never be able to make it in Ningshuo, but they’re very different Wang breeds and she has no doubts that she will absolutely thrive once there.

The thing is that once they settle in Ningshuo, Xiao Qi starts making those little comments. Nothing really overt and really, they’re made in jest more often than not… But it’s concerning all the same. Self-deprecation is not a good look on Awu’s husband! Well, it totally is, but there are much better ones, so it’s time to stage an intervention.

The next time Awu hears that a Princess like her could have never imagined she would be forced to toil in the field, she snaps. Not like they were toiling anyway – marking out the best pastures is hardly a back-breaking work! So what does she do? Well, first she waits until the evening… and then she immobilizes her husband. True, he may still try to get up while she’s in his lap, but this way he would be forced to take her with him! It’s truly diabolical.

As her second step she asks – very seriously – who is always right in their household and is it true that it’s Princess Yuzhang. Prince Yuzhang, unaware that he’s entering a trap and also rather distracted with what’s in his lap, admits that readily enough.

If Princess Yuzhang is always right, declares Awu, and I am Princess Yuzhang, then what I say must be the absolute truth. And what I say is that you are a silly, silly man. There is nobody else that I would ever wish to call my husband and nowhere that I would rather live but here, by your side, building a future for us and our children. Why, I wouldn’t exchange our current life for any crown and I am something on an expert on those.

It works rather well, that’s as much as I will say on the matter.

______________________________

They do end up employing a calligraphy master for the children. And a painting master. And a slew of other masters as some of the kids get older and develop specific talents. Besides, there is nothing that says they need to limit their educational efforts to their own legion. Ningshuo’s population is booming and there is no better time to found a school or twenty for local children.

Of course most established scholars are very used to comfort and not really used to long trips. In short order, Ningshuo becomes the number one destination for young adventurous men of letters, most rather lacking when it comes to illustrious family background. But they are not the only ones interested in moving to Ningshuo: a good number of respectable old masters also decide to do so.

Turnip Wang tries to warn his sister that she’s playing host to a whole host of dangerous free-thinkers, some of them openly critical of this whole idea of monarchy. Oh, the horror! Awu simply looks at her harried sibling with a perfectly straight face and says that she hasn’t noticed any danger other than the danger of having exceedingly eloquent dinner-companions, which sometimes means that food grows cold before anybody even starts on it. Xiao Qi is very pointedly suppressing a smile in the background.

______________________________

Xiao Qi and Awu are that unbearably cheesy married couple who remains staunchingly and embarrassingly in love even after twenty, thirty years of marriage. And they have absolutely no qualms about public displays of affection. Which leads to some rather amusing moments while at court, but that is an entirely different story.

Now, their kids – both bio and adopted – think it’s the bee’s knees that their parental units love each other so much… but could they tone it down? Just a little? Would a tiny smidge of dignity be totally out of question? There is nothing fundamentally wrong with Father picking Mother up… but must he do it in the middle of the courtyard? And let us not even speak of farewell hugs. And the teasing. Oh, the teasing!

It gets much, much worse once the kids grow up and start pairing off. See, only now do they start to realize what some of their parents’ little quirks actually mean. And most of them mean that Awu and Xiao Qi – grey hair and all – are not that far removed from a pair of newly-weds. More that one son-in-law gets absolutely flustered – some into speechlessness – by the ever-powerful hearteyes. For some reason daughters-in-law deal with this situation much better, although approximately every second one develops… certain expectations.

______________________________

Awu and Xiao Qi do not get it on nearly as often as those poor horrified kids might think. That is they do get it on quite a lot! But it’s far from the only way of marital closeness they enjoy.

The first time Awu and Xiao Qi take a bath together establishes a routine that lasts for the rest of their lives. Dressing and undressing is Awu’s time to be petted and made much of, but bathing? Ooooh, that’s a wholly different matter.

That first time they get into a tub together it’s actually Awu who sits behind Xiao Qi and starts washing him. At first he is more than a bit bashful about it and tries to turn the tables on her, but she is relentless. Finally he starts to relax and once Awu gets to washing his hair, his state can only be described as utter contentedness. There might be some neck kisses and soothing scratches to be had as well, both of which only draw him deeper into a dreamlike trance.

After the water grows cold, Awu dresses them both in soft nightime robes and leads Xiao Qi, still pretty out of it, to bed. Not to have sex, mind you. Just to lie down and breathe together, as close to each other – bodily and mentally – as it is even possible. I am not saying that Xiao Qi cries at any point… Well, of course he cries! It is the first time he’s been treated with this kind of overwhelming tenderness; experiencing such absolute depth of care and love for the first time is an earth-shattering experience for a man who had known so little of both in his life.

They take care to repeat this experience at least once a month; after the first several times Awu no longer has to propose taking a bath together. The first time he actually asks? Her heart grows two whole sizes from sheer pride.

#the rebel princess #monarch industry #Awu and XQ headcanon time #I am so sappy it's getting embarassing #do I care #no not really and it's all your fault anyway #you evil nonnies with your evil asks #you know who you are #I am but a victim and so cannot be blamed for anybody overdosing on pure sugar

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tamcitrus · 4 years

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Senior year.

I had fun writing this. It’s my first time writing Ushijima and I like what I did.

A big thanks to @loneveenas for beta-reading my work and all the great advices she gave me 🥰 🥰 🥰 🥰

I wrote this for the HQ Writers’ Net monthly prompt! My prompt is: New Beginnings.

pairing | Ushijima x f!reader

words | 4k (!!!)

warnings | curse, insult

work is under the cut ~

Who the hell changed school in their senior year? Probably only you. It's not like you had a ton of friends to left behind anyways. On top of that, the last person you dated turned out to be a shit, so maybe this family drama and moving to another city was good. More so when you got a recommendation to enter a great Academy, Shiratorizawa, your mom's contacts finally put to good use, or so she said.

You became friends with a guy in your class who saw you playing guitar after lunch and approached you.

"Do you play? That's cool," he said, casually, as if he didn't spot you from across the campus.

"Uhm yeah, thanks," you forced a smile.

"Semi-semi, is this the new girl in your class? Hi! I'm Tendou Satori, Semi's best friend," a redhead sang from behind this Semi guy.

"No you're not, ugh," Semi pushed the other boy off him and he smiled at you.

"Hi Satori, hi Semi. I'm [y/n][l/n], nice to meet you both."

-*-*-*-*-*-

Within a few months, a lot of talks and pranks and a ton of hours playing guitar together, you and Semi Eita became best friends. Your taste in music, your passion in pursuing dreams, your humor, it was like you were siblings.

With him, and Satori, you got to know the whole Shiratorizawa Volleyball Club, and of course their ace: Ushijima Wakatoshi.

You and Ushijima had encountered each other a few times. Well, a “few” to say the least. He had seen you multiple times hanging out with Eita-kun outside the gym, just killing time until he had to practice. Today was not an exception.

“Ushijima-san! Is it practice time already?” Semi stood up and dusted his pants.

“No, it’s not. I’m here early,” the tall guy said, serious as usual.

“I can set for you,” Eita offered.

“If you want…” he said and kept walking.

“Do you want to watch, [y/n]? You can stay until it’s really the time for practice” Semi said, offering you his hand to help you get up.

“Am I allowed to?” you said. “Your handsome captain kinda intimidates me,” you said, entering the gym behind Semi, and loud enough for Ushijima to hear you.

If he did he didn’t react, Semi set ball after ball for him to spike, and it was interesting to watch. You grabbed your sketchbook and pencil and started drawing a few lines here and there from both boys playing.

“Ooooh~ will you draw me too?” Satori appeared out of nowhere and was crouching by your side, looking at your sketches.

“Of course I will, if you play,” you answered. The boys in the court were looking at your interaction with the middle blocker.

“Are you drawing us?” Semi said, walking your way. “Let me see.”

Ushijima was intrigued, he’s not gonna lie to himself. All of you intrigued him and it was so confusing to him. He walked to the bench and drinked water while you showed his teammates your drawings.

“Wakatoshi! Yours is great, come to see it!” Satori pulled him from his shirt, and you held your notebook for him to watch. “This is great, you should be a mangaka,” Satori said.

“It’s just a hobby,” you laughed. You saw Washijo-sensei arrive to the gym. You got your belongings together quickly so the old sensei couldn't scold you for intruding his practice. “See you later guys!” you exited the building from the contrary door where the coach was standing.

Ushijima was flattered. No one before had drawn him and showed said draw to him. You really were intriguing.

-*-*-*-*-*-

The next day you get to the volleyball table, as people called it, looking for Semi. You were one of the few affortunates outside the team, if not the only one, to sit there from time to time.

“Can I help you?” Ushijima asked.

"I was looking for Eita," you said. Your eyes were red, as if you were crying.

"He's sick, he isn't coming today," Leon answered.

"Oh, that's why I couldn't reach him… Thanks and sorry for interrupting."

You turned around, leaving a table full of volleyball players confused. Satori took his food and followed you to another table.

"Are you ok?" He said, sitting in front of you and offering his food.

"Yep. All good," you forced a smile. "Just needed Eita."

"You're catching someone else's attention~" he said, gesturing with his head to his previous table. Ushijima was looking at you, no intentions of being subtle. Not that he cared about what anyone else thinks but he really wasn't trying. "I can get you his address if you want to check on him," Tendou offered.

"I'd like that, thanks Satori."

You ended at Semi's house after school, sitting at the end of his bed while he was just lying there recovering from a fever.

"I'm sorry to come and bother you when you're like this," you ended telling him your newest family drama. The fact that your father tried to convince you with material stuff, such as a car or money, so you went to live with him made you upset, it made you feel like he didn't love you, he just wanted to win something to your mom. You were almost crying again.

"It's ok, I told you I'd be there no matter what and I'm keeping my promise. I can't hug you right now so just hug my pillow instead."

"I'm definitely getting sick after this," you laughed.

"Ushijima texted me. He was worried about you," your friend said and waited for your reaction.

"Bullshit," you scoffed and Semi lent you his phone.

Eita-kun, [y/n] was looking for you and didn't look good. Is she ok? you had read the text a few times but still didn't believe it.

"I told him it was a family business and I'll keep him updated," he waited a minute for you to say something and took his phone back. "Oh my, you're speechless."

"This doesn't make any sense," you looked at Semi. "He doesn't even talk to me."

"He's just like that," he shrugged. "But obviously he has you in mind. Maybe you actually have a chance to get your crush."

"I don't have a crush on him," you lied.

You were observing him since you started the year at his same class. Besides his looks, he was handsome, his personality was intriguing. He was interesting. His stoic face, his direct manners, his apparent lack of interest in anything but volleyball, his persistence with practicing, all about him and the intensity he did anything with was outstanding for you.

"Yeah the ton of sketches you have of him don't say the same," your friend scoffed.

You thought Eita didn't notice it, but he did: how your gaze lasted a few seconds longer on him than on anyone else, the way you blush when he greets you every morning, the sudden shyness when he approached Semi and you when you were playing guitar on the breaks, the fact that you had an obvious fixation on drawing the ace of the team, and he could go on the whole day.

You left Semi's house that day finally admitting that maybe, just maybe you did have a crush on his captain.

-*-*-*-*-*-

A week later you were sick. It's your fault so come over here and bring me some snacks and any homework we get, you texted you friend. And of course his only brain cell found a way to try and help you become close to your crush.

"Ushijima-san, can I ask you a favor?" Eita took the captain away from everyone after class and when he nodded, Eita continued. "[Y/n] couldn't come today and she asked me to get her the homework from math class. I can't bring it to her today but she lives near your house, maybe you can drop it on your way home? Only if you want, I don't want to bother you," he didn't even have an excuse, but he hoped his teammate didn’t ask why. "I'm sorry, I don't really trust anyone else to do it," he bowed.

"I can do it, no problem," Wakatoshi said. He could be reliable, it was his duty as captain, right?

And there he was, knocking on your door. He would just drop Semi's notes and leave, maybe he'd have time to practice some more on his house.

"It's open!" you said from inside.

"[Y/n]-san? It's Ushijima Wakatoshi. May I come in?" he was standing at the entrance. He closed the door behind him and noticed that your house smelled like you. He heard you cough in surprise.

"Yes, come in!"

He saw you in the living room, on the couch and wrapped up in a blanket.

"Hi, Ushijima-kun. I'm so sorry to bother you. I don't know what happened to Semi, he's a douchebag. Thanks so much for coming," you stood up and got the notebook from his hand.

"You shouldn't have left your door unlocked" he commented. "Are your parents home?"

"Mom works late today, so, no," you stood up and started walking to the kitchen.

"And your father?"

"Not in the picture," you smiled but it didn't reach your eyes. You were mad and still avoiding him after the 'come live with me and you'll get a car' thing, it wasn't the best thing Ushijima could ask at the moment. "Can I offer you some tea? Or coffee?" You walked behind the kitchen counter.

"I’m sorry. Just a tea please," he sat at your table. He wasn't planning on staying but he made you uncomfortable by asking things about your family and he couldn't just leave now.

"It's nothing. He barely was around so now that I grow up it's not a big deal," you set a cup of tea in front of him and another in front of you. "Is your family waiting for you? I don't want to keep you."

"I let them know I was coming to a classmate's house, so it's ok."

He drank his tea in silence, your tv playing softly in the background. He felt something touch his leg and saw a big grey cat.

"Grape, leave him alone!" you scolded. "Sorry, he's excited to have visits. We don't receive much people besides Eita," you smiled. Ushijima thought this was the first genuine smile he saw on you, and he liked it. The cat made his way to your lap and purred.

"He's nice," he stated. What was it about you that he found so fascinating?

"Oh, I drawed something to make a flyer for the next tournament. Do you want to see it?" you offered and went to find it. You were back with a big drawing with him in the middle and the rest of the team from major to minor by his sides. "This was fun to do, and the fact that you're the tallest also made it easier."

"It looks good. Thanks for doing this, I’m sorry we can’t repay you," he felt kinda bad about it.

"I like to do it, so it's fine. Semi buys me snacks for this so he’s repaying," you giggled. You took his empty cup and yours and went to the kitchen to wash it.

Ushijima couldn't help himself and went through your drawings while he waited for your return. You were really good, Tendou was right. He saw there were a lot of him: him in lunch, him looking absentmindedly at the window in class, him in the court and spiking, him and Semi talking. Each one was better than the last. This was how you looked at him? You made him look way cooler than he thought he was.

You took a little longer than usual to wash two empty cups but you needed a minute to recompose yourself, you felt nervous and flustered, the fever you had wasn't helping either. Then you turned around, ready to talk about nothing again, and Wakatoshi was looking through your sketchbook. He was looking at your drawings. To be more specific, he was looking at his drawings. Shit, he wasn't supposed to see those. You walked slowly back to the table.

"Oh I'm… really embarrassed, you shouldn't have seen that," you were now standing at the opposite side of the table, his eyes still fixated on your sketches. “I can discard them if it makes you uncomfortable,” you held your hand open for him to return your notebook. He looked up. You were blushing.

“I like them. I really like that you draw me,” he admitted and returned your sketches. “I have to go now. Thanks for the tea.”

“Thanks for coming,” you said and watched him leave. You exhaled a breath you didn't know you were holding as you saw his back fading at the distance.

That was fucking unreal. You felt overwhelmed and there was only a person to blame. No, not Ushijima, he was being nice, in his own way. I’ll fucking kill you tomorrow istg, you texted Semi. He felt triumphant and didn’t care about your death threat. Yeah you can thank me later, he responded.

-*-*-*-*-*-

The next day Eita received glares from you all morning, you refused to talk to him. He didn’t really care, he knew his little trick yesterday had been put into effect when Ushijima asked him that morning if you were coming to school today. You avoided your usual table and sat alone at lunch, away from the volleyball club table and away from your friend, maybe when he didn't find you he'd leave you alone for the day.

“Hey,” he said when he found you and he sat in front of you. “Come on, you can’t be mad forever [y/n], I’m your best friend,” he whined a little.

“Shut up, he saw all my fucking sketches. He might think I’m a stalker and it’s your fault,” you hissed. You felt Ushijima’s stare all morning and now you saw him looking at you and Semi when he stood up and followed the team to exit the cafeteria.

“He’s looking this way, isn’t he? He asked for you today, before you arrived. So, I won. You’re really on his mind!” he grinned.

"You're way too excited for this. He's probably thinking how to tell me that I throw all of the drawings I did of him!"

"I wouldn't ask you that. I like them."

Suddenly, a tall figure was behind you. You glared at Semi for not warning you and turned around to greet Ushijima.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" he said in the same casual tone he used before.

"I'll leave you two alone. Find me later, ok?" Eita smiled at you and at his captain before leaving.

"Hi Wakatoshi-kun," you felt your cheeks turn red. "Thanks again for coming yesterday and keeping me company. I enjoyed it. I'm sorry that Eita bothered you."

"I'm… I had a good time too," how could he explain what he felt? It was all too confusing. "I was thinking if you would like to come and see me at our practice game tomorrow after class?" that couldn't fail. He saw his teammates asking their girlfriends to come and watch their games. Well- you weren't his girlfriend. Not yet. But this could be a good start.

"Oh… yeah I'd like that," you smiled.

Wait, did he just think about you being his girlfriend?

-*-*-*-*-*-

And there you were. Sitting on the floor by the door, sketching again while the guys did their warm up. Ushijima had seen you arriving and slightly bowed his head to say hi.

"Hey." Semi approached you. "I didn't tell you we were playing. What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry? Someone else invited me, you shitty friend," you smiled.

Eita knew that smile wasn't for him, you were still pretending to be mad at him. He turned around to follow your gaze and saw Ushijima looking back at you. It was almost imperceptible but he was smiling too. Wakatoshi was smiling at you.

"Oh, you so owe me one," Semi said and went back to the court.

You were going to insult him again but he was too far when you reacted. Well, maybe you did owe him, but you had something else in mind at the moment. When the game was over, and Shiratorizawa obviously won, Ushijima approached you.

“If you want to wait a bit I’ll walk you home, we’re having a meeting and then I’m done,” he explained.

“Of course, I’ll be sitting outside waiting for you,” you smiled. You were smiling a lot that day.

Ten or twenty minutes later, you didn’t really know, he was standing behind you and observing how you finished a drawing.

“Oh, Ushijima-kun! Sorry, didn’t hear you were here. Are you ready to go?” you closed your sketchbook and put it back on your backpack.

He nodded and offered his hand to help you stand. Remember Wakatoshi, ask her about how she feels and if she has someone in mind, like a crush or something, Tendou said before he left. No, he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t have a casual talk like that out of nowhere. But he could try.

“You played well today. I mean, you always do, but you were like even better today,” you said when you started walking out of school.

“I didn’t know you understand about volleyball,” he said. He felt in better shape today too, for some reason.

“Uh yeah, my… the last guy I dated played too. He was good and he explained it to me, so I have a pretty decent knowledge and I can tell when someone is good. You’re awesome.”

“You don’t… anymore? Date them, I mean,” well maybe he can do small talk.

“No!” that was too enthusiastic. “I mean, no, I don’t. That was one of the reasons I moved here, besides from my parents divorce. There’s this saying that goes like better be alone than in bad company. Well, my mom and I sticked to that,” you laughed. He liked that, your laugh and how you can laugh from the bad experiences.

“Am I a good company?” he was genuinely curious but it sounded like he was flirting, though he had no idea how to do it.

“Yes you are!” you said quickly, you didn't even need to think, of course he was. You stopped and looked at him. “I uhm… I like you, Ushijima-kun. Like romantically? I don’t know if that makes sense to you but…”

“I like you too, I think. I keep getting distracted when you’re around at school and today I wanted to impress you, so I tried to play at my %120,” he interrupted.

“Yeah, that sounds like you like me,” you giggled. He was so bold and sincere. “Can I kiss you?”

His mind went blank for a minute. Had he even kiss someone before? Yeah, at that dumb 'spin the bottle' game, on the party his teammates organized for the beginning of their senior year. Had he kissed someone he felt something for? No, definitely no. He wasn't even sure he liked someone before. His mind was put on volleyball the whole time.

He was staring at you. Your eyes were on his, expectant. He sighed and put his big hands on your waist, instinctively closing the distance between your bodies. You felt his warm through your shirt. You put your hands over his and made your way up his arms slowly. Even on your tiptoes you didn’t reach his mouth so when he finally nodded you pulled him down by the collar of his jacket.

It was a soft and chaste kiss, his chapped lips felt so good against your own. You caressed them with the tip of your tongue, hesitant. He mimicked your actions and your tongues explored each other's mouth shily. You retreated for a second to look him in the eyes. He smiled and kissed you again, this time with the same passion he did everything else on his life. It was more insistent, almost clingy. You tangled a hand on his hair, it was incredibly soft, and the other rested on his chest. When you separated looking for air, his hands were still holding firmly to your waist.

“Semi… Eita-kun told me you had a bad experience with your ex. I would never do such a thing. If you want, I can try and give you a new beginning, a new experience…”

“Ushijima, are you asking me to date you?” you interrupted, surprised. You also made a mental note to punch Semi. “Oh my, the Ushijima Wakatoshi is asking me out, for god’s sake” you didn’t want to tease him but you couldn’t help yourself.

He looked at you, unamused. This wasn’t a joke to him but he learned that your way of coping with things was through laughter, so he waited for you to pass the surprise and be serious again, the whole time holding you from your waist against his body.

“You’re not answering,” he said after a minute. You were just looking at him and blushing.

“I want to,” you said and caressed his face. “I’d like that, yeah. So… can I call you my boyfriend now?”

“Yes you can, you're my girlfriend now,” he simply said. He let you go and started walking again as if nothing happened.

“Can I hold your hand?” when he hummed in response, you kept talking. “And can I kiss you tomorrow at lunch? Oh everyone’s gonna be so surprised!” you looked at your hands held together.

He laughed at your silly questions and comments about how your classmates were going to react when they saw you together. You arrived at your home and he walked you to the door.

“For real, can I kiss you in front of everyone tomorrow? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” you were just joking before but now you really wanted him to voice his thoughts.

“Yes, just not in class,” he answered. “Sadly, I have to go now so I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Text me when you get home,” you said and he kissed you one more time before leaving.

-*-*-*-*-*-

"Maybe, just maybe, I owe you a big one," you said the next morning after greeting Semi.

"Yeah, how's that?" your friend asked with a satisfied smile.

"I confessed yesterday. And it went even better than I thought."

"Yeah, I know. Tendou told me. I can't believe you didn't call me yesterday after it happened," he whispered, he was offended. "Maybe the whole school knows by now."

You laughed out loud. Ushijima told you he mentioned the situation to Satori, he was his best friend and the one who advised him to confess his feelings, so you texted him too to thank him.

"I wanted to surprise you, I didn't expect the rumor to spread throughout the school like fire!"

And in fact, by lunchtime the whole school was talking about you and how could it be that the new girl conquered Ushijima’s heart in a few months? If the girls didn't like you before, now some of them definitely hated you. It didn't really matter, you would make it work. After almost a year of bad experiences, you were happy again.

-*-*-*-*-*-

Your relationship with Ushijima was easier than you expected, somehow your opposite personalities balanced each other. Your routine didn’t change that much, but now you walked home in your boyfriend’s company everyday. Your mom loved him, of course she did, he was a gentleman, he even bought her a present the day you asked him to come dinner to meet her.

Your senior year was coming to an end, and you were more than happy with all the new things that came with it.

"Would you come to prom with me?" Ushijima asked at the end of the day.

You were chilling on your couch after his practice, watching a volleyball game of a team he liked. Your legs were tangled together, your back resting on his chest and his head resting on top of your head.

"Of course, Toshi! I wouldn't want to go with anyone else," you took his hand and kissed it, both of you still focused on the game.

He didn't think you'd say no, but he had to make sure, just in case.

Almost five months have passed since the day he asked you to date him and he was sure of two things about his future: he wanted to be a professional player and he wanted to spend as many time as he could with you, maybe not necessarily in that order.

Neither of you believed in 'happily ever after', not with your respective parents' divorce, but you did believe in spending many years together, making each other happy.

#haikyuuwriters 0520 #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima oneshot #haikyuu ushijima #hq ushijima #ushijima x reader #ushiwaka #shiratorizawa #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #haikyū!!

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fandomlurker · 4 years

Text

A Ponderous Rewatch: Jockey For Position

Now that we’re done with that long cameo, it’s time for our feature presentation for tonight, and it’s a doozy!:

We open with Pinky frantically running on a spinning globe while Brain stands above him on the…globe holder? I don’t know if that part has a name or not.

“[winded gasps] Can I stop now, Brain?”

“Not until I finish my demonstration.”

Brain, that’s just… Well I was about to say it was mean, but given that Pinky understands the details of his plans better when Brain demonstrates it or draws elaborate diagrams, maybe it’s for the best? I doubt Brain could make that large globe spin just by using his hands, and Pinky’s been seen a lot of times running on the mouse wheel in their cage so he’s gotta be pretty in shape. Still, it feels like Pinky’s been running for a lot longer than he needed to…

You know what? I change my mind. It is a bit mean, Brain.

“When I build my reverse geotropic arrestor, Pinky, and throw it from the North Pole like this…”

The word “geotropic” doesn’t quite sound right. I wonder…

…Okay, yeah, Brain’s getting worse at naming things.

“…In a matter of seconds the cable will become taut, gravity will cease, and everyone will fly off the face of the Earth!”

Oh my GOD, Brain. This has got to be the stupidest plan you have come up with yet! Nothing about this will work.

Well, there goes poor Pinky.

“Leaving us alone to assume control.”

It’s still “us”, huh? Noted.

Long Pinky.

“Egad, Brain, brilliant! Haha hehe heh—!”

Pinky, sweetheart, I know praising Brain is kind of your thing but this is one time I’m going to have to call you out on your bias because this is super not brilliant and I’m actually a little worried for Brain’s mental state.

“—Oh wait, no, no. What’s going to keep us from flying off the Earth?”

That’s one flaw of many, Pinky, but I guess it’s as good a start as any.

“We will duct tape ourselves to a tree.”

Because the tree will totally stay in the ground when the Earth abruptly stops spinning. Not that it will stop spinning, because none of this makes any sense.

Brain, did this idea come from, like, a dream you had or something? Is that why the plan is working on dream logic?

I know this is a comedy cartoon and this is all a joke but sometimes Brain’s plans are so fucking out-there I just have to roast him for it.

“Unfortunately we still need to raise money to buy a one billion ton magnet. But I have a solution!”

Oh boy, can’t wait to hear the solution to this one. It’s gonna be stellar if the whole plan today is anything to go by.

Oh nice, Brain’s the one sewing for a change! Usually this is Pinky’s area of expertise, but it’s always nice to see that Brain can do some classically domestic things too.

“Tomorrow is the running of the Kentucky Derby. Do you know what that is?”

Most of my knowledge on it comes from “My Brother, My Brother, and Me” goofs, so my mind keeps autocorrecting it to “Kenfucky Derby”, but go on.

“Umm… Oh! A very large hat?”

“Promise me something, Pinky. Never breed.”

“I’ll try.”

Well, that’s going to come back to haunt them.

“The Kentucky Derby is the biggest horse race of the year. There’s a one million dollar purse going to the jockey riding the winning horse.”

“And I am going to win that purse!”

Okay, first off: Pinky, are you just going to stand there and stare at Brain as he gets changed? Like, I understand they’re naked normally and this is the exact opposite of stripping but umm…

Secondly: Brain, did you really have to get that up close to tell Pinky this? You two are making this too easy for me.

“Zort, Brain! A million dollar purse?!? Ooooh!~ You’re going to need matching pumps and earrings for that!”

Pinky’s got his priorities in order.

“Focus, Pinky, focus!”

“Now watch.”

And now Brain’s ordering Pinky to watch him dress and I just…I have no words. This is all so suspect. Why do you two even need a dressing screen if you’re usually naked anyway? And it shouldn’t matter if anyone sees you get dressed unless this is some weird reverse nudity taboo you two have developed and if that’s the case, why are you allowing Pinky to watch? And if it’s for a dramatic reveal WHY ARE YOU ORDERING HIM TO WATCH YOU CHANGE???

This episode is already so goddamn wild.

I am really not sure how I feel about that pan-up of Brain when he’s thrust his pelvis forward. At least the outfit is cute, though.

“Narf! Oh, Brain, I get it! You’re a beautiful lawn ornament!”

“Beautiful”, huh? Also noted.

“Look at me, narf, I’m a pink flamingo! Ahahaheh!”

Oh LORD, Pinky, how are you—?!?

“I’m a cement deer! Ah hah!”

PINKY, STOP, YOU’RE SCARING ME! D:

“Oh, I’m one of the seven dwarves, Brain!”

That’s more acceptable but Pinky, sweetie, warn me if you’re going to nightmarishly shapeshift again, okay?!

I guess we can add that to the list of random abilities Pinky has.

“Stop it, Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you.”

You are much calmer about this than I would be if this happened in front of me, Brain.

“Oh. Right-o, Brain. Narf.”

“Now let us make haste, for we have much to do before the race begins.”

“Poit.”

So then we cut to Churchill Downs, and I can only assume another roadtrip adventure was had off-screen.

“First, Pinky, we must visit the stables.”

“Inside, we will find the winning horse.”

“Err… How are we gonna do that, Brain?”

“The racing form, Pinky.”

My bet’s on... [squints] hLUUNO the horse.

“By analysing the velocity-based pace line, mile turf win and bayer speed figures, we’ll find a grade one stakes claimer who’ll give us a key horse situation.”

“Key Horse Situation” would be a great band name. Also, whoops, little bit of an error on the name plaques, background artists.

What do your mouse eyes see, Pinky?

“Err, can’t we just ride the pretty one?”

SHE!

So here she is, one of the few characters debuting in the Animaniacs run that will matter to PatB lore going forward aside from our main duo.

A fun fact for you all: Phar Fignewton’s name is a triple reference joke. “Phar Lap” was a champion thoroughbred race horse in the late 1920s and early 1930s. Fig Newtons are small pastries filled with fig paste. Lastly, “Fahrvergnügen” was a slogan for Volkswagon starting in 1990. Translated, it means “driving enjoyment”.

Phar Fignewton makes a whinnying noise and ends it off with a goofy laugh.

Brain is not impressed.

“Heavens, they’re multiplying…”

Pinky is instantly smitten with her.

BONK!

“This is a business trip, Pinky!”

“Oh. Right. Sorry, Brain.”

“Here is our horse.”

“’Daddy’s Little Angel’…”

I guess it’s an ironic nickname.

“Pinky… Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“Whu… I think so, Brain, isn’t Regis Philbin already married?”

…

Now I’m wondering if Pinky is suggesting that one of them marry Regis or if he’s suggesting that Regis marries the horse. Either way, what the fuck?

Yeah, same.

“The race, Pinky. By combining the statistics and my low body weight, this horse cannot lose! The prize money will be ours!”

GAH! Brain, I’ve had enough minor heart attacks from this episode because of Pinky’s eldritch morphing ability, I don’t need another one of your bizarre close-ups to do the same!

“Now I must take the place of the real jockey.”

“Hello?”

“Is this the Jockey who’s going to ride ‘Daddy’s Little Angel’?”

“Yeah.”

“This is Ed Mcmahon from Publisher’s Smearing House. You’ve just won ten million dollars.”

Pinky delightedly and silently listening in and chuckling in the back is precious.

And honestly, Brain, I don’t know why you’re crouching here, but it’s also cute.

“I won ten million dollars… I WON TEN MILLION DOLLARS! I am outta here! Later!”

The mice are lucky that he’s so excited about winning all that money that he forgets to do basic things like ask when and how he’ll get the money.

“Louie! Louie!”

“Later!”

“Who’s gonna ride my horse? I mean, Louie is the smallest, lightest jockey in the entire world!”

Did you know that there’s a weight requirement for jockeys, but no height requirement?

“Not anymore!”

“[GASP]”

Whoops, I just noticed another error, though it’s minor: Brain’s jockey outfit throughout this scene is light tan and purple instead of the pea green and purple that it’s supposed to be.

“You’re a jockey?!”

“Actually, I am a mouse in the early stages of an elaborate scheme to take over the world.”

The more this happens, the more I’m starting to think that Brain does this shtick on purpose to emotionally and mentally disarm people who would otherwise suspect that he’s not human. The fact that it works shows you just how idiotic the human beings of this world are.

“Well, fine, we all need a hobby but…will you ride my horse?”

Oh, sir, I think it’s much more than a hobby at this point. If only you knew…

“I shall ride! And win!”

His design is a little odd here, but it’s still a good pose.

So Brain next has to be weighed to make sure he meets the requirements.

“Saddle: Seven pounds. Saddle and rider: Seven pounds 3 ounces.”

So if you can recall from the previous rewatch post, a house mouse on average weighs 19g, and a common wood mouse weighs 23g (it can be up for debate which type of mouse Brain is). Converting Brain’s 3 ounces of weight to grams would result in him weighing 85.0486g.

Brain does have a bit of a cute little potbelly thing going on, but he’s also consistently much smaller in height and width than the average adult mouse in the series. I think the incredible difference in weight is mostly coming from the heft of Brain’s, well, brain and skull…and the muscle mass packed into that tiny body to help keep him upright.

“A genetically perfect jockey! This is fantastic!”

Please don’t phrase it like that.

“…Let’s look into early retirement.”

That jockey on the left is going through some shit, man. He looks like how I feel after working an eight hour shift on the holidays.

And so we skip to the beginning of the race!

That poor, poor jockey…who changed colour schemes for some reason.

There’s Phar Fignewton with a jockey who honestly looks like he’s high.

And here’s our little mousey fella, who has somehow managed to make this aggressive horse obedient.

“Camptown race is five miles long, do-dah, do-dah.~”

He’s so happy he’s singing to himself! This is honestly so precious that I completely forgive him for not getting the lyrics correct.

Coincidentally, Daddy’s Little Angel is positioned next to Phar Fignewton.

“Ooh, isn’t this exciting, Brain?”

Uh oh.

“Pinky, what are you doing here? Your weight will disrupt my winning calculations!”

I don’t know if it’d be that off, Brain. The combined weight of two mice is still much less than that of a human jockey.

“But Brain, it’s too exciting! I—“

[TARGET LOCKED]

“Oooh! Heh. Hello.~”

I think I’m going to save my thoughts on this whole…thing until the end. Right now I will say, however, that I wasn’t quite expecting the tongue-hanging-out-of-gaping-mouth lovestruck/horny??? reaction.

“Pinky, the race is starting!”

Too late, Brain.

And we’re off!

Bye, Pinky.

“There’s baloney in our slacks…~”

Pfft.

So as the race goes on, we get to know a few more of the horses’ names: Isle of Yap (a nice callback to the first PatB short), Flamiel (which is apparently the WB writers’ favourite word?), and Leggo-my-Egoiste (a double reference to an old Eggo slogan and the name of a cologne).

The other jockeys are more than a little surprised by Brain and his steed taking the lead early in the race.

Phar Fignewton is trailing way behind.

Meanwhile, Pinky’s woken up from fainting, seeing the oncoming horses—

--and promptly freaks out and stumbles back down again.

“Victory, she waits for me! Oh, the do-dah-day!”

You really have to stop tempting fate like this, Brain.

Phar Fignewton’s very tired, but what’s this?

Is that…Pinky in harm’s way?

ThePowerOfLove.mp3

Determined and fueled by her inexplicable crush, Phar Fignewton starts gaining ground on the other horses.

Brain didn’t calculate for this!

…Oh! Hi, Warners! Looks like they’re cheering Phar on.

“Oh no! Yah! Yah! Yah!”

I didn’t think whips were allowed in races like the Kentucky Derby, but apparently they are. Their use was only restricted—not banned—in the summer of 2020, which is alarming to say the least.

On a different note, I know some of you folks are now jotting down the fact that Brain knows how to use a whip. I see you.

She makes the save!

And she also wins the race! Way to go, Phar Fignewton!

“In the words of the great Willie Shoemaker: ‘Nuts!’”

It was a good try, Brain, but honestly I’m glad you failed this time if only so that you wouldn’t embarrass yourself with your actual world domination plan’s failure later. Maybe take a couple nights off to rest up a bit and formulate plans that aren’t totally bonkers, hmm?

I might as well go ahead and talk about this now. I…am conflicted on this whole Phar Fignewton thing. It makes for a very strange one-off joke about Pinky instantly falling in love with a distaff counterpart of his that’s a horse for whatever reason…but the fact that she’s not a one-off character is baffling in and of itself. Like I’ve said before, she’s mentioned a couple of times going forward as being Pinky’s girlfriend, or as a bizarre joke at Pinky’s expense about him being in/having been in a relationship with a horse. There’s even a small running gag about Pinky’s reaction to people’s disgust about it: “People can be so intolerant!”. I don’t know if the joke is supposed to be one about racial segregation or a wink and nod to queer folks in the only way that the writers could get away with in a cartoon at the time (in a “see, Pinky’s down for a relationship with anyone, even outside of his species!” type of way).

Phar Fignewton herself is a sweetie but besides that she has no personality to speak of and we’re just meant to assume based on physical appearance that she is equivalent to Pinky. And like, she hasn’t been uplifted to human levels of intelligence and sapience like Pinky has because of Acme Labs, but she seems to be naturally sapient for some unknown reason and just simply unable to speak English.

On top of all this, the relationship is very shallow and the only reason we’re given as to why Pinky likes her is because he finds her pretty. It’s perfectly in character for Pinky to easily fall in love, as he does so with other animals a couple more times in the spin-offs, but it just feels weird that this is the one that sticks around purely to become a running gag that gets mentions that are sometimes literal years apart from one another.

And listen, I know the writers most likely made this a thing just because they thought it was a funny joke and a few of them managed to remember about Phar and would use Pinky dating her as a gag. I know this. But it doesn’t make it any less confusing and weird. I remember the jokes about Pinky and horses from way back when I first watched Animaniacs and the PatB spin-off when I was a kid and I never had any context for it because I don’t think I ever saw this specific episode. Coming back as an adult and seeing all these episodes in order and watching this one in particular and finding out the context is “Pinky thinks a horse is pretty and the horse and him are in love and long-distance dating now” is both underwhelming and leaves me with more questions than answers.

…Also, if my earlier theories on why the writers made this joke are correct, does this mean Phar Fignewton is metatextually a beard for Pinky?

I just don’t know, folks. You’re welcome to leave your thoughts on this in comments.

Let’s wrap this up.

So as we can see, Brain is, as usual, back to work on another plan that involves—

—a goddamn cannon, holy shit! What is he using the glue for? That’s a little ominous, given what’s been involved in this episode.

There’s a hammering noise in the background and we see Pinky putting up a photo of Phar Fignewton.

“Pinky, will you please stop that? I’m trying to concentrate on tomorrow night!”

Wow, you’re more irritable than usual, Brain. I didn’t think some delicate hammering would annoy you that much.

“Mwah!~”

…Despite my ramblings earlier, that’s very cute of you, Pinky. I’m sure you could’ve gotten a better photo, though.

“Why, Brain, what’re we gonna do tomorrow night?”

Try to take over the world, of course! Right, Brain?

“Guess.”

…

Umm, wow. That’s a first. You look like you’re absolutely enraged, Brain. All this over some hammering sounds?

This had me taken aback a bit when I watched it the first time, not gonna lie. We’ve seen Brain after a plan’s failure plenty of times before. He’s been frustrated, sure. Humiliated at times, or maybe he just sighs in resignation and walks off into the sunset. It always ends with him simply using these feelings to fuel the fire in him to do better tomorrow night.

This is the very first time we’ve seen him jumpy and irritated at the most minor of things and so angry that he literally refuses to participate normally in his and Pinky’s shared catchphrase. And this was for a plan that was just to fund the real plan! So why is this time any different?

Oh.

OH.

Okay, that’s… That makes a lot of sense, actually. Damn.

Hey, fanfic writers? Ya’ll ever use this as the very first time Brain experiences romantic jealousy? Let me know.

“Oh yeah, try to take over the world. Right.”

I think even Pinky’s put off by this development, if his hesitant and quiet finishing of the saying is anything to go by.

And that’s what we end off with.

All in all, this episode is a wild ride of strangeness in small moments and bizarre additions to lore and ends on the first subversion of the long-running closing gag of the series. It’s not exactly a great episode, but that ending is intriguing enough for one of the main purposes of this rewatch. In short, I’m just baffled.

Luckily the next episode is much better. Next time, the mice head on down to Tennessee to seek world domination via country music.

See you then!

#Pinky and the Brain #PatB #Jockey For Position

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trensu · 5 years

Text

Episode 26: The One where the Rain is Actually the Fandom’s Endless Tears

We start off the episode with the awful reminder that su she exists; it’s terrible, we all hate it

Lwj is the one who reminds us, which makes it both better and worse

At least lwj is looking nice in his pale blue robes

Non-wangxian nonsense happens

Brief moment to admire jc’s fashion

More non-wangxian stuff happens

Ooooh, now we get to watch jin zixun be an asshole again, but with the bonus of having a little bit of wangxiantics!!

Jz goes to our lan bros and starts talking to them

(how dare he be anywhere near their presence?? YOU ARE UNWORTHY OF BREATHING THE SAME AIR AS HANGUANG-JUN, YOU ASSHOLE)

He tells lxc to take a shot with him even tho everyone and their mother knows lans don’t drink alcohol

Alcohol is Forbidden

But there he goes, peer pressuring the heck out of lxc, like, oh, if you don’t take a shot it’ll be an insult to me and my clan blah blah

And everyone agrees with him?? For some reason??? As if forcing someone everyone knows doesn’t imbibe into taking a shot isn’t rude af??? FUCK YOU JZ

Lxc capitulates way too easily imo and takes the shot

Lwj watches this go down out of the corner of his eye, and when lxc drinks, his eyes flick away (as if ashamed? Disappointed? Idk, but it wasn’t a positive feeling i know i was definitely disappointed)

Then jz goes and does the same to lwj

It’s awful but LET’S TAKE A MOMENT TO ADMIRE LWJ

LWJ looks at the offered drink just long enough to make sure EVERYONE KNOWS HE KNOWS IT’S THERE

AND THEN RETURNS TO GAZING STEADILY FORWARD

like, yes, i’m ignoring you aND I WANT YOU TO KNOW IT

I LOVE YOU HANGUANG-JUN!!!!!!

And just before this becomes a diplomatic incident, we see a hand reach out and take the shot glass from jz!

Wwx: i’ll drink for him. Is that okay?”

And he downs the shot before anyone can say anything (showing off the lovely expanse of his neck and we all appreciate that or at least I do)!!! He even flips the shot glass upside down to show that he emptied it completely!!!

WWX PULLED AN LWJ-MOVE AND SWOOPED IN TO SAVE HIS SOULMATE FROM HAVING TO SACRIFICE HIS PERSONAL IDEALS

THAT’S ~TRUE LOVE~ BABY

And lwj’s expression, omg. I can’t even describe it?? Awed gratitude bc of the rescue?? Stunned attraction bc of seeing wwx expose his neck so indecently?? I’m totally not projecting that last part, maybe, i think

For real tho, it looks like lwj was walloped with the strength of his love for wwx

As if seeing wwx do that for him gave him an abrupt reminder of how overpoweringly in love he is with him

It’s beautiful

Now there’s a jz vs. wwx showdown

It’s super stressful and Important to the Plot

So we’re glossing over most of it!!

But let's MARVEL how wwx totally owns the jin clan

Jz: you really think you’re so invincible you can overturn the heavens?

Wwx: are you comparing yourself to the heavens? With all due respect, you have a really thick face

Lol, “with all due respect” = 0 respect. Jz you deserve ZERO RESPECT YOU ASSHOLE

Wwx is putting these gold-robed bastards on the spot and it’s AAMAAAAZZING

Wwx: do you think that now that the Evil Wens are gone, the Jin clan should naturally take over? So that everything should be given to you and everyone should follow your orders??

I LOVE MY BOY. LOOK AT MY SUNSHINE BOY BURN THE FUCK OUT THESE DOUCHEBAGS

HE’S ALL “WHY ARE YOU BOOING ME?? I’M RIGHT”

BECAUSE HE IS. HE IS RIGHT.

Lwj says his name worriedly here; he knows wwx is getting himself into some deep trouble here

More Plotty Confrontation happens…

And then wwx loses his patience, and gets ready to draw his demon flute

Everyone in the banquet hall jumps to their feet and readies their swords bc they are scared shitless. Wwx doesn’t even acknowledge them. His focus is all on jz

Wwx: if i kill you today, won’t it be justified by your standards?

(for the viewers keeping track at home, that brings the score to wwx = 3, jin clan = 0)

LOOK AT MY BOY GO

Lwj: Wei Ying!

Lwj calls him practically in a panic

I mean, he only says his name slightly more forcefully than usual, but in lwj-speak that means PANIC

Ahhhh, i LOVE this next line. It's a great line. I mean, it’s an absolute terrible line for wwx’s future wellbeing, BUT STILL

Wwx: if I, wei wuxian, want to kill someone, who can stop me? Who dares to stop me?

HE IS FURIOUS

RESENTMENT IS FLARING EVERYWHERE

Lwj: wei ying, put down the demon flute!!

He’s so worried for his soulmate!!!!

wwx starts a countdown to get the info he wants

🎶IT’S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN~!🎶 Sorry sorry, not appropriate but i’m stressed, LET ME HAVE THIS

Wwx: everyone knows i’m not patient. You have until the count of three…

He makes it to two until jz gives in and finally finally tells wwx the info he’s looking for (aka where the wen labor camp is)

Wwx: why didn’t you say so earlier?

Lol, he says it all calm and easy and leaves the banquet hall with a confident swagger (which brings the final score to wwx = 5, jin clan = 0 AND THE CROWD GOES WILD, AHHHHH!!)

BUT you can see on his face that he knows how badly he handled this situation

He knows he’s just screwed himself over

Depressing Plot Things happen

So lets see lwj defend his soulmate to make us feel better!

Jgy: wwx is too impulsive. How could he say such things in front of the gentries

He says that to lxc, trying to turn him against wwx!! That scummy bastard!!!

Lwj: isn’t what he said right?

I LOVE YOU HANGUANG-JUN

Jgy: well, yeah, i guess, but he can’t just say that to everyone’s faces!!

Lxc: wwx’s temperament has changed a lot recently

LXC I AM ASHAMED TO KNOW YOU. YOU GIVE IN LIKE A WET PAPER TOWEL. GROW A SPINE (i still love you tho)

Lwj bows to lxc right after that and lxc dismisses him from the banquet hall with a sad smile

Lxc: go and do your best

BC HE KNOWS HIS LITTLE BROTHER

HE KNOWS HOW MUCH LWJ LOVES WWX AND HOW MUCH HE WANTS TO PROTECT HIM

MORE DEPRESSING PLOT THINGS HAPPEN

Like, Super Depressing

Like, “violating Geneva Conventions” Depressing

It’s really really awful

Because now we’re at a labor camp

We get to see wq lose her mind as she finds her little brother’s body

AND BECAUSE I VALUE MY SANITY WE’RE NOT GONNA GO INTO THAT ANY MORE

I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS SO MUCH

THEY DIDN’T DESERVE THIS

THEY’RE GOOD PEOPLE. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO THEM

*SOBBING*

WEN NING STILL HAD THE PROTECTIVE CHARM WWX GAVE HIM IN HIS HAAAANDDD

WHY IS EVERYTHING TERRIBLE ALL THE TIME

We do get a badass scene where wwx STEADILY WALKS BACK THROUGH THE CAMP PLAYING HIS DEMON FLUTE TO CONFRONT THE JIN GUARDS

CALMLY CONTROLLING ALL THAT RESENTFUL ENERGY THAT’S JUST POURING OFF OF HIM

The jin guards are begging for their lives and still have the gall to lie about killing their prisoners??

“Do you really think I can’t tell that you’re lying?”

Wwx is so angry here, he isn’t even raising his voice

Some idiot here has the nerve to remind wwx that his clan and their clan are allies

And wwx’s all “bold of you to assume i care about clan politics”

Throughout it all we see resentment curling and misting around his shoulders

God damn, it looks so cool

“Since you won’t admit to it, i’ll let wen ning point it out himself”

AND THE GHOST GENERAL MAKES HIS FIRST APPEARANCE IN HISTORY BY SLAMMING INTO THE SCENE LIKE A BOSS

LOOK AT MY DARLING ZOMBIE BOY GO, TOSSING THOSE JIN BASTARDS AROUND LIKE NOTHING

Stuff happens and those jin guards make a run for it

Outside the camp we see lwj walking with his umbrella in the rain and he knocks one of the jin bastards back with his sheathed bichen and demands to know what happened

While he’s getting the rundown, wwx gathers up the wen prisoners and mounts them on horses to flee

THERE’S NO TURNING BACK FROM HERE

OH GOD MY HEART

They’re riding off and SUDDENLY WE SEE THEM RUN INTO LWJ

LWJ WHO IS STANDING THERE ALL ALONE IN THE RAIN WITH HIS UMBRELLA

AS ~THEIR SONG~ STARTS PLAYING MOURNFULLY IN THE BACKGROUND

SHOW WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, WHY DO YOU HURT ME THIS WAY

Oh god, the way the camera travels from an overhead view downward to slowly reveal lwj’s face under that frankly beautiful umbrella

MY HEART MY HEART

HIS FACE, LOOK AT HIS FACE AS HE LOOKS AT WWX AND THE PRISONERS HE RESCUED

HE WANTS SO DESPERATELY TO SAVE WWX FROM WHATEVER IS COMING NEXT BC HE KNOWS IT’S NOT GONNA BE GOOD

BUT HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO DO HERE???

This shot is beautiful in a heart-rending way

Wwx on his black, agitated horse, soaked to the bone, restlessly moving and placed farther away from the audience

And lwj, practically glowing in his pale blue robes under his pale umbrella, standing still and strong as a statue, placed much closer to the audience

Wwx: lan zhan, are you here to stop me?

Lwj: wei ying, where are you going?

Wwx: i have no idea but the world is wide. There must be a place for us.

“US,” HE SAID “US”

WWX HAS ALREADY CHOSEN HIS SIDE.

HE’S FOREVER WITH THE WEN REMNANTS NOW

MY SUNSHINE BOY IS TOO GOOD FOR HIS OWN GOOD

OH GOD WHY

Lwj: you need to think again. If you do this, it will be considered a rebellion against the orthodoxy with no way back.

LWJ CAN’T SAY WHAT HE MEANS. JUST SAY THAT YOU’RE WORRIED FOR HIS SAFETY, DAMN IT.

HE KNOWS HE’S LOSING WWX AND HE’S TERRIFIED

HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

Wwx: a rebellion against orthodoxy? What kind of orthodoxy is that?

Wwx: lan zhan, do you still remember that promise we made together?

THIS IS WHERE THE EPISODE ENDS

I AM DROWNING IN MY TEARS

MY HEART IS SHATTERED ON THE FLOOR

LWJ WAS TEARY-EYED THROUGHOUT THAT ENCOUNTER

HIS WORLD IS FALLING APART

AND WWX IS DOING WHAT HE THINKS IS RIGHT

BUT YOU CAN SEE HOW SCARED HE IS OF WHAT HE IS DOING

BC DOING THE RIGHT THING IS NOT ALWAYS EASY AND SOMETIMES IT’S DOWNRIGHT TERRIFYING

I HATE THIS SHOW

STOP MAKING ME FEEL SO MUCH!!!

Return to Masterpost

#WangXiantics #wangxian #the untamed #cql

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makeste · 5 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 253: That Good Angst

Previously on BnHA: The villain Ending, whose name in retrospect is hella melodramatic for a guy whose power is MAKING ROAD MARKINGS COME TO LIFE, kidnapped Natsuo and then deservedly got his ass kicked by three teenagers. Endeavor won the manga’s coveted Best Hug award, made up by me just now, and then gave one of the best monologues in the whole series, basically owning up to all his crimes and saying he doesn’t want or deserve his son’s forgiveness. And he didn’t get it either, which was excellent. Instead, he announced to his kids that he was building them a new home for them to go live in with their mother and without him. Meanwhile Katsuki was all, “btw I’ve decided on my new hero name,” and the ENTIRE FANDOM was all “!!!!” until he went on to say, “but I ain’t revealing SHIT until I’ve told it to Best Jeanist,” which caused everyone to collectively wince and awkwardly glance at each other wondering who’s going to break it to him. Uh.

Today on BnHA: hAHAHAHAHHA.

Sorry, I forgot to turn my capslock back off. Anyways, so we return to U.A. and everything is all “HAPPY NEW YEAR IIDA!” and “STILL ON ABOUT THAT UNREQUITED LOVE THING, HUH OCHAKO?” and “LOOKS LIKE THAT SCAMPISH IMP BAKUGOU IS AT IT AGAIN!” and all the usual stuff. We then have a complete switch of gears, and I seriously mean like the GEAR SWITCH TO END ALL GEAR SWITCHES, as we cut to Aizawa and Mic driving to Tartarus! Why are they driving to Tartarus you ask? Well it’s because they got a call from Naomasa and he was all “hey, so you know your deceased childhood friend from chapters 59 through 65 of Vigilantes? Well IT TURNS OUT I HAVE A FUNNY STORY ABOUT THAT.” Anyway so the rest of this chapter can basically be summed up as (1) LOL SO KUROGIRI WAS REALLY SHIRAKUMO ALL ALONG, and (2) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

btw the whole reason I spoiled myself in the first place was because my dumbass id was all “WE SHOULD CHECK IF THEY MENTION THE HERO NAME” and I was like “YES” and just immediately lost all self-control. like it wasn’t an accidental click or anything; I was fully aware of what I was doing. lord knows what I would have done if I actually had been spoiled about the hero name lol. that would have been so much worse than the spoiler I actually got, so yeah. just stupid decisions all around. anyways how are you

no BnHA thumbnails on the Mangastream homepage today. must mean Kacchan didn’t make any good faces. ah well

lmao the chapter is literally titled “Shirakumo.” well I guess I wasn’t spoiled much after all. I did catch a half-glimpse (I was trying not to look; like, I had my fingers covering my eyes and was peeking through them. again, I’m not really sure what I was trying to accomplish in the first place honestly) of what seemed to be Aizawa with a shocked expression on his face though, so that’s why I was so convinced Kumo was somehow coming back from the dead or something. WE SHALL SEE

MY FORMULA 1 SON!!

lol I’m having one of those Berenstein moments. like. he didn’t always have those huge exhaust pipes running out from his sides and from either leg, right? those are just for this cover. or else something new and fancy he just added to his suit. right??

anyway so yes, Iida is the color page this week, just as we all expected from a chapter titled “Shirakumo”

“WINTER BREAK WAS OVER IN A FLASH” oh man. ain’t that always the way

wow I’ve really missed U.A. like, we’re cutting to these panels of USJ and the stadium, and it’s so fucking nostalgic geez. we weren’t even gone that long

Deku’s voiceover is talking about how they only have three months left in their “tumultuous” first year. ha. tumultuous. if Deku hadn’t met up with All Might, he could have easily fallen back on a career in PR; he’s got a gift for phrasing things diplomatically

Iida is wishing everyone a happy new year! happy new year Iida!!

he’s announcing that their class will be an action report meeting, which apparently means everyone’s gonna share what they learned over the winter break

but now he’s telling everyone to come down to Field Alpha, which Mangastream annoyingly spelled out with the Greek symbol α, forcing me to look it up because I’m sorry but I don’t speak math. ?? like what is this

now Aizawa’s sliding the door open all CRANKY because he’s MISSING HIS NAP

but Mina is all smooth like,

Mina could also have had a promising future in PR. well it’ll still serve them well in their hero careers too

oh my lord

WHAT is that FACE, Iida. just what. is that an eyebrow waggle. what the fuck. he looks like the next words out of his mouth were going to be “sliding into people’s dms”

jokes’s on you Horikoshi!! you think a panel like this will stop my “stupid sexy Iida” jokes? IT ONLY MAKES ME LOVE HIM MORE

oh? someone on the loudspeaker is calling Aizawa and summoning him to the faculty room. I wonder what this could be about. probably nothing!

now we’re cutting to the changing room and the girls are admiring Ochako’s new costume!

I’ll add an ETA later where I actually analyze the changes in her costume. right now let’s just pretend like I’m aware of what actually changed. I swear I pay attention to things. by the way, why would the suitcase get heavy? her quirk can be applied to anything can’t it?

(ETA: so the costume changes are (1) an upgrade to her gauntlets, and (2) an upgrade to her headset. so anyway that’s pretty cool, even if it was really only brought up in this chapter so that we could get that SWEET YA ROMANCE DRAMA. which I know annoys some people, but at this point I feel like Horikoshi only throws it in because he’s expected to, and the way he does it is so adorably reluctant that I can’t help but enjoy it at this point lol.)

OH MY GOD

OCHAKO YOU KEPT DEKU’S CHRISTMAS PRESENT TO YOU IN YOUR HERO COSTUME FOR GOOD LUCK, OH MY GOD. (1) YOU ARE THE LITERAL CUTEST, (2) IT’S TIMES LIKE THIS I’M GLAD I SHIP BASICALLY EVERYTHING BECAUSE THIS IS A DELIGHT, and (3) MINA’S REACTION TO THIS IS ABOUT TO BE MY FAVORITE THING OF ALL TIME, SO LET’S COUNT DOWN TO IT IN 3... 2...

okay but before we click to the next page, I just need to draw everyone’s attention to the background of that Jirou panel, where I’m pretty sure that is Ochako acquiring Hagakure’s quirk in a moment of transcendent desperation, much like how parents are able to summon incredible strength in times of crisis to lift cars off of their trapped children and shit. we are witnessing the next stage of human evolution over here

-- oh fuck me

hello, Horikoshi? yes, this was supposed to be a cute moment of teens being teens and giggling over high school crushes. did you not get the memo. what are you doing here with this sucker punch of feels right to my fucking kidneys. why would you do that. why does this panel of Ochako make me want to fucking cry, I did not ask for this

(ETA: but like also, you see how he just instantly drops the subject less than a panel later lol. like “THERE’S YOUR ROMANCE PLOT, OKAY?? NOW BACK TO THE REANIMATED BRAINWASHED CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ARC.”)

meanwhile in the boy’s locker room! so apparently word has spread about Deku mastering Bloopwhip!

so Ojiro is evidently fucking ripped under that karate gi. Ojiro, this one corner of a panel with you facing away from the screen is possibly the most interesting thing you’ve ever done. have you considered what a costume change might do for your image. I’m just saying

lmao Deku

I have never in my life found the idea of Villain Deku even remotely convincing until this exact moment. jesus christ. Deku are you sure there isn’t a little piece of AFO horcrux soul in you right at this moment. just wondering. if it was Kaminari doing this, the headline for this chapter would be “KAMINARI 100% CONFIRMED THE TRAITOR” and even I would find myself hard-pressed to argue at this point

anyway, the hero we deserve is stepping in to bring him back to reality sob

(ETA: I’m not even going to check the bnha tag to see if there is discourse about this, because I already know!! because clearly this is a very serious panel which should be taken 100% seriously!! anyway I’m not even going to go here lol.)

it’s okay kids I’m already dialing 911. Kacchan, honey, come here. listen, we need to put you in a time out. I love you but you can’t just go around throwing your spiky headgear at people like a fucking tomahawk, and also what the fuck is that thing even made of jesus christ

sob is Deku actually fucking dead

and so, while the girls were having cute shoujo drama about a romantic All Might plush, over in the boy’s locker room an actual murder was going down

FSDKDJL

I can’t. stop laughing. I

and the way they’re all just staring at him and clearly have no idea what to fucking do at this point. “so should we just... leave it in, then?” lmao Horikoshi what the fuck kind of substance did you ingest before you went and drew this. I need me some of that

(ETA: and now that I’ve mostly stopped laughing, I would also just like to point out that he is essentially saying “I just had to stop thinking so hard about it and just do it”, which I’ve only been saying SINCE FOREVER, DEKU, but sure go ahead and don’t listen to me then!)

ALL MIGHT IS...

WHY, YOU ASK? WHO CARES!!

lol apparently it’s a pun. someone go over there and check to make sure this All Might isn’t actually a bunch of Mirios hidden underneath a trench coat

anyway so they’re completely unimpressed, because they’re all jaded fucking teenagers with no souls, and they’re asking where Aizawa is

is this the part where we slide right back into the angst after our brief humorous interlude with the kiddos. because I am ready. bring it

OOOOH HERE WE GO, LOOK AT THIS TENSION

SO HERE WE HAVE MIC ACTUALLY TELLING AIZAWA TO SHUT THE FUCK UP, AND IT’S CONFIRMED, THE WORLD IS ENDING

and look at Aizawa’s body language. arms crossed, fingers tapping anxiously, gritting his teeth. fucking Mic has to tell him to calm down. jesus christ. anyway so Aizawa angst is apparently MY DRUG you guys, and Horikoshi you can go right ahead and INJECT THAT SHIT STRAIGHT INTO MY VEINS

AHHHHHHH

OHHHHHH THAT’S GOOD. I might need someone to come and slap me in the face in another minute just to make sure I can continue here

-- HOLD UP, WHAT

THAT SOUND YOU HEAR IS THE SOUND OF MY MENTAL BRAKES SCREECHING TO A FUCKING HALT, EVERYONE HOLD THE FUCK UP WHILE I DO A QUICK MENTAL ROLL CALL OF THE VILLAIN CAST AT USJ. FUCK ME, PLEASE TELL ME HE WASN’T THE NOUMU. BUT ASIDE FROM HIM AND TOMURA, AND THE FACELESS NO-NAME VILLAINS, THAT ONLY LEAVES... OKAY MY BRAIN JUST SERIOUSLY FROZE UP WHILE PROCESSING THIS, BECAUSE NO FUCKING WAY

fuck me fuck me FUCK ME

there is no fucking way it can really be Kurogiri, can it?? Kumo didn’t have a portal quirk. but All For One, though?? but no wait because we know he didn’t have that quirk because he had to use the other teleportation one instead. John’s or whoever’s

so then the only other option is the Noumu. could this be the start of the Noumu arc at long last?! oh my godddddd I’m about to get up out of my seat and just jump around for a second to get all my nerves out. ahhhhhhh

Horikoshi knew full well what he was doing titling the chapter “Shirakumo” and then teasing us with this incredibly tense buildup, too. I have actual fucking chills

oh my god IT REALLY IS THE NOUMU ISN’T IT

I HATE AND LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SIMULTANEOUSLY, IT IS THE WEIRDEST FEELING. IT’S BOTH INVIGORATING AND TERRIFYING HOLY SHIT

I WANTED THIS. I KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE DARK. I WANTED IT SO BAD AND I COULDN’T WAIT FOR IT AND NOW IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING AND WHAT A FUCKING WAY TO KICK IT OFF I JUST!!!

AHHHHH

DON’T MIND ME PLEASE CONTINUE AND IGNORE ALL OF MY SILENT SCREAMING!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AIZAWA IS ABOUT TO LOSE HIS FUCKING MIND. HIS CLOSEST FRIEND WAS DESECRATED AND VIOLATED IN AN UNIMAGINABLE WAY AND TRANSFORMED INTO SOMETHING UNRECOGNIZABLE WITH ALL TRACES OF HUMANITY LOST, AND THIS WHOLE TIME HE THOUGHT HE WAS FUCKING DEAD. THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE A THERAPY FOR THAT, PEOPLE. THAT IS THE KIND OF ANGST THERE’S NO COMING BACK FROM

ANYWAY, SO THERE’S THAT SHOCKED AIZAWA FACE I CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF YESTERDAY, NOW WITH HORRIFIC CONTEXT, AND IF ANYONE NEEDS ME I’LL JUST BE HERE IN THE CORNER SETTING MY KEYBOARD TO PERMANENT CAPSLOCK, AND UPDATING MY SEXUAL ORIENTATION TO “THE FUCKED-UP AIZAWA ANGST IN THIS CHAPTER” BECAUSE THAT’S APPARENTLY WHAT IT IS AND ALL THIS TIME I NEVER KNEW

OH GODDDDD

BRB UPDATING MY ORIENTATION AGAIN TO “MIC’S COMFORTING HAND ON AIZAWA’S SHOULDER AS AIZAWA STRUGGLES TO HOLD ON TO THE LAST OF HIS COMPOSURE WHILE TRYING AND FAILING TO PROCESS THIS UNFATHOMABLY HEINOUS THING THAT’S ABOUT TO BE REVEALED”

(ETA: and also!! the fact that either Mic’s hand is shaking, or Aizawa is shaking so badly that it’s affecting Mic’s hand on his shoulder too! either way how the hell am I not literally dead after reading this chapter, I don’t even know.)

WAIT WHAT!!!!

THE CORE?! SO WAIT, IS IT KUROGIRI THEN??? OR WHAT?!

(ETA: I know I’m just inserting random commentary all over the place at this point, but like, can we also talk about how Naomasa looks like he hasn’t slept in eleven years?? this is taking such a toll on his soul here and it’s heartbreaking.)

OH MY GOD!!!!!

I WISH I COULD BETTER DESCRIBE THIS FEELING BECAUSE IT’S REALLY SOMETHING!! I’M SO EXCITED AND AT THE SAME TIME FULLY AWARE OF HOW I’M DELIGHTING IN THE PAIN OF THESE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, SO IT’S LIKE THIS GUILTY SADISTIC GLEE AND AT THE SAME TIME SHOCK AND EXCITEMENT AND DAMN NEAR A KIND OF ELATION AT BEING FULLY TAKEN FOR A RIDE BY THIS EPIC FUCKING TWIST. IT’S GOOD SHIT

SDLKFJASLKDFJ;LKS

(ETA: so if they can trace quirk factors like this, they should be able to do it with the other Noumu they have in captivity, and also with any dead Noumus they’ve collected as well, yes? including the one that Stain killed a few months back? like, don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here trying to calculate the Six Degrees of Bakuangst for this plotline seeing as my brain, as ever, is focused on one thing and one thing only.

and so if they have managed to ID some of the Noumus, would that info maybe be on the Hero Network? meaning Endeavor would have access? would the interns then have access too? or if not, is his password something easily guessable, like Shouto’s birthday or something? will I ever stop running out of hypothetical scenarios along these lines? doesn’t seem likely as of now.)

“SEVERAL DIFFERENT QUIRK FACTORS” HOLY SHIT, AFO. THAT MANIAC. THIS WHOLE TIME MY RESPECTED DOCTOR OF MEDICINE WAS REALLY A HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT WHO GOT CONKED ON THE HEAD BY SOME FALLING ROCKS ONE DAY. THE GRANDDADDY OF ALL TWISTS!! THIS TWIST WAS CONCEIVED IN THE BOOK OF GENESIS!!

AND BY THE WAY, THANK YOU AGAIN TO THAT ANON, BECAUSE HOLY SHIT THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT IS FUCKING RAW. ONCE I FINALLY COME DOWN FROM THIS BIZARRE HIGH I’M GOING TO CRY FOR AIZAWA BECAUSE HE IS HURTING SO BAD RIGHT NOW AND I CAN’T EVEN, SOMEONE SAVE HIMMMM

WELL FOLKS. THERE IT IS. HORIKOSHI FINALLY HOOKING US UP WITH THAT GOOD ANGST. THE PLOT THAT WAS PROMISED. THE ANGST THAT WAS AVOWED. YOU GUYS I CAN’T BELIEVE AIZAWA SHOUTA WAS SHIGARAKI TOMURA’S FUCKING UNCLE THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME. HOLY SHIT

AND YOOOO I JUST HAD A BUNCH OF THOUGHTS THAT I CAN BARELY EVEN PROCESS RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THIS REVELATION OPENS UP SO MANY NEW DOORS NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN THOUGH. BUT LIKE, IF AFO AND UJIKO WERE IN THE BUSINESS OF TAKING CHILDREN’S CORPSES AND REVIVING THEM AND INFUSING THEM WITH UPGRADED QUIRKS AND NO MEMORIES OF THEIR PRIOR LIVES, THEN HOLY FUCKING SHIT, WHAT IF A CERTAIN TODOROKI SIBLING REALLY DID FUCKING DIE AND HAS ACTUALLY BEEN A PUPPET OF AFO’S THIS ENTIRE TIME OH MY GOD. THIS CHAPTER IS JUST!!!

(ETA: yeah I actually have a lot of thinking to do about this one, because holy shit. I mean there must be a reason we’re getting this reveal directly on the heels of the Todoangst Arc with all of its talk about Touya and how dead he is, right? god I’m still trying to wrap my head around it all. this stupid manga!!)

AND AIZAWA’S FACE. THE WAY HE’S COVERING HIS MOUTH AS THOUGH TRYING TO KEEP HIMSELF FROM BEING SICK. THE MAN WHO PRIDES HIMSELF ON HIS RATIONALITY IS SO COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED BY EMOTION THAT HE’S STRUGGLING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER. THIS IS THE DEFINING WOUND OF HIS CHILDHOOD, RETURNING ALL OF A SUDDEN TO STAB HIM RIGHT IN THE HEART ALL OVER AGAIN WITH A FRESH NEW KIND OF HORROR. MIC, YOU’D BETTER BE THERE FOR HIM AFTER THIS, BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO FUCKING BREAK DOWN IN THE CAR ON THE RIDE HOME OR SOMETHING PROBABLY, AND HE NEEDS YOU, AND YOU PROBABLY NEED HIM TOO, AND FUCK

I DON’T HAVE SPACE FOR ALL THIS ANGST IN MY HOUSE!!! BUT LIKE HELL AM I GIVING ANY OF IT BACK, IT’S MINE NOW AND I’M KEEPING IT!! I WILL FUCKING RENT OUT A STORAGE LOCKER FOR THE EXCESS!! I WILL HOARD IT ALL LIKE A GREEDY DRAGON IN MY CAVE. THIS ANGST IS MY CHILD NOW. FUCKING SUBSCRIBED, GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE

#bnha 253 #aizawa shouta #yamada hizashi #shirakumo oboro #kurogiri #uraraka ochako #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #and here's another thought I just had #which is that we were basically one momo away from potentially playing out this exact same plot twist #but with deku and kacchan instead #because the league would not have taken no for an answer #and even if tomura had felt like being merciful #(since he clearly has more humanity left in him than I formerly gave him credit for)#I guarantee you that afo would have stepped in at some point and been all #'you know what tomura why don't you let me see if I can help convince him'#like every now and then I just randomly think about how close my child came to experiencing an unimaginably dark fate #and I'm just like #deep sigh of relief #but oh the angst #this is the fuel that sustains me friends

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nothingunrealistic · 5 years

Text

be more chill, august 4, 2019

Cast: Troy Iwata as Rich, OBC otherwise

More Than Survive

“girls! …boys!” is still in the show! Jeremy Heere: Not Cishet

there’s a drawing of a tesseract on the blackboard in the classroom. what are they teaching these kids?

there are posters advertising several school clubs, including chess club and Spanish club. (those were the only ones I could make out.)

Jeremy doesn’t even look at Christine when she’s telling him there’s something written on his backpack.

for most of Michael’s solo, Jeremy just looks frustrated with Michael for not listening to him, rather than relieved to see him.

as Michael and Jeremy are harmonizing on “Christiiiine,” Christine (having already signed up for the play) runs around them in circles. Naruto running, to be specific.

I Love Play Rehearsal

Michael physically shoves Jeremy into rehearsal as he’s verbally hyping himself up to go in.

when Jeremy asks if this is where to meet for the play, Christine looks around in disbelief and gestures to the podium when telling him it’s actually where to meet for the swim team, and Jeremy goes “what??” and spins around looking equally disbelieving.

after telling Jeremy that play rehearsal is “fun,” Christine shuts herself up — and then very gradually turns around to look back at Jeremy, and sees he’s still listening attentively, which gives her the courage to say more.

the few times Jeremy speaks in this scene, his speech is even more stilted than in the first scene, and he practically doubles over from nerves at some points — most notably when Christine comes VERY close to kissing him and then pulls away to Scream.

Jeremy anticipates Christine saying that play rehearsal is starting “now,” and starts to form the word “now” just as she says “soon” instead.

Jeremy gets shoved off his chair by Rich and ends up on the floor, as do most of the characters.

Jeremy’s expressions throughout Jake and Christine’s conversation epitomize “looking into the camera like you’re on The Office,” especially after Jake describes Juliet as “that girl who died.” when Jake is telling Christine about the pressure he always feels, he not-so-subtly flexes his arm muscles, and Jeremy looks at his own arm with disappointment.

Christine leans on the podium in an obvious attempt to look Cool And Casual while Jake is talking to her, though she’s clearly nervous, and surprised when Jake tells her he’s doing the play for her.

the other ninety percent of this post is under the cut (with pictures!)

The Squip Song

I’ve seen Gerard’s Rich described as trying to fight/resist his SQUIP throughout this song and clearly not wanting to tell Jeremy what he’s telling him. Troy’s Rich isn’t anything like that — other than smacking himself to snap out of lisping, he doesn’t seem to be having an issue with his SQUIP at all.

Jeremy, on the other hand, spends the whole song flinching away from Rich — on Rich’s string of “then then then then then…” Jeremy is continually backing away from him, until he’s backed all the way into the proscenium and Rich is RIGHT in front of him.

on the “blip” of “on the school social map you’re just a blip!” Rich boops Jeremy’s nose, which would be adorable if Jeremy weren’t terrified.

in his reprise of the song, Jeremy attempts the hand choreography that Rich was doing in telling him about the SQUIP, and fails miserably.

Two-Player Game

Michael is drinking the Crystal Pepsi that he’s comparing Jeremy to. that can’t be safe.

when Mr. Heere enters, Michael is curled up on the floor, so only his back and feet are visible to Mr. Heere — no wonder he didn’t recognize Michael.

Mr. Heere and Michael exchange Understanding looks behind Jeremy’s back after “that’s why most people aren’t your father.”

The Squip Enters

the Scary Stockboy communicates exclusively in grunts for several lines. think Tim Allen on Home Improvement.

Jake, Christine, and Jenna are looking on in confusion as Jeremy is first talking to his SQUIP, and he gestures to Christine that he’s okay.

Be More Chill, Pt. 1

Jeremy has fun following the SQUIP’s instructions at first — he goes over the top with arching his back, puffing out his chest, and walking with Swagger, looking cheerful all the while. he doesn’t look unhappy until the SQUIP tells him that “all your nerdiness is ugly,” which it does while physically moving his head/face around with its hands to look at him better. (it does that to him a couple other times too.)

after “everything about you makes me want to die,” Jeremy mutters “oh God, oh no” repeatedly, in addition to breathing hard and fast. in this song, and throughout the first act, he mouths “what?” and other phrases to himself in reaction to everything happening around him.

Troy plays a mall employee in the mall scenes, rather than whatever character Gerard plays.

the mall people get Right up in Jeremy’s face when telling him he sucks.

the girl’s shirt Jeremy picks out is the shirt Chloe’s holding in this picture, which is nothing like what I would have expected.

Do You Wanna Ride?

Brooke’s attempts at seduction involve twirling around the straw from her can of La Croix (which sprays some in Chloe’s eye), crawling on the floor, and shoving the can into Jeremy’s chest. oh, Brooke.

Brooke also emphasizes the “ex” when telling Jeremy about her ex-boyfriend.

Be More Chill, Pt. 2

“I can… access the mall security cameras” is clearly a hasty lie from the SQUIP.

Jeremy falls asleep sideways on his bed once he gets home, and the SQUIP makes him tuck himself in — possibly the first instance of it controlling Jeremy’s body?

Sync Up

while opening his laptop, Jeremy makes beeping noises to the melody of More Than Survive, which is also playing in the background at that moment.

“I was just going to check my email” was delivered angrily rather than defensively.

Jeremy’s “ooooh” in response to his vision being fixed is also Tim Allen-esque.

as Jake passes by, the SQUIP tells Jeremy to “make a fist,” just in time for Jake to do an elaborate handshake/fist bump with Jeremy.

while the SQUIP is telling Jeremy about Chloe’s obsession with status, Chloe is leaning against the side of a bank of lockers, trying to collect herself and calm down.

Brooke reads the French phrase she’s using to try to impress Jeremy off of her hand.

during various instrumental breaks, Jeremy does the Squip Song hand choreography in sync with Rich and later the SQUIP, and cycles through greeting all the other students (bumping hips with and high fiving people, taking a selfie with Jenna, etc). it’s a great illustration of the “good hand-eye coordination” allegedly required for success in life and for how the SQUIP is helping Jeremy already, and also just really cool to watch. the lack of an applause break after the song was disappointing because I desperately wanted to clap for all that.

A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into

Brooke is hovering over Chloe’s shoulder while Chloe is confronting Christine about Jake, even twirling her hair in time with Chloe doing the same.

the curtains part on the school’s stage to reveal Rich twerking. he immediately scurries off.

most of Jenna’s Midsummer lines are delivered in a normal voice, but “one thousand years ago this midsummer” is in the most over-the-top Shakespearean voice imaginable.

Jeremy starts coughing the moment the SQUIP stops delivering his monologue through him, and looks shocked that it happened at all.

Christine is carrying the box of prop hearts when complimenting Jeremy on how Into This he is. wonderful visual symbolism.

as previously mentioned, the extended bowling ball dialogue (all occurring while the SQUIP looks on in confusion and disgust):

Christine: …and at the end, I give birth to the bowling ball! Jeremy [clapping]: That sounds awesome! And very… theatrical! Christine: Well, thank you. If you don’t mind — [hands over the bowling ball] Jeremy: Oh, yeah — Christine: Just for a moment… [both cooing over the “baby”] Christine: Don’t cry, you’re just a BALL! [takes it from Jeremy’s arms and rolls it offstage; both laughing] Christine: Ten! Jeremy: Win!

the other students pass back and forth behind the partly open curtains with the prop hearts (which are hinged in the middle) before passing between Jeremy and Christine with them.

Christine gets very close to Jeremy’s face, as if to kiss him, again, before revealing that the guy that she’d kinda be into is Jake.

Upgrade

Brooke sits on the ground and clings to/wraps herself around Jeremy’s legs while telling him about Eminem’s death; she slides onto Jeremy’s lap from a higher row of the bleachers to kiss him, and when the scene cuts back to them he fully gets up and off the bleachers to ask why she likes him.

Britton Smith’s vibrato. end of note.

during the overlapping “I’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that I am,” the teens repeatedly cross the stage, finally arranging themselves in a V behind Jeremy until he jumps back onto the bleachers, telling the SQUIP that “this is way too intense!”

Loser Geek Whatever

exact words from my notes: “Will Fucking Roland did THAT”

he spends the first verse and chorus sitting on the top row of the bleachers, only standing and walking down the bleachers in the second verse.

the act still ends with the SQUIP ominously reaching for Jeremy just as the lights go down.

Halloween

Jenna arrives wearing a mask as part of her clown costume — not quite like the clown from IT, but in that same vein of creepiness.

some new dialogue between Brooke and Jeremy after he compliments her costume:

Jeremy: I mean… it’s amazing. You’re amazing. Brooke: That’s what I like about Halloween. It’s the one night I get to be something I’m not. Jeremy: What’s wrong with the way you are? Brooke: You’re sweet, Jeremy. You need a drink.

Christine vanishes after Jake tells her that “the keg’s over there” and walks away.

Chloe is talking to Jeremy on the couch at one point before they both leave, presumably telling him about Brooke’s “surprise.”

Do You Wanna Hang?

the best way I can describe the choreography/staging of this song is that, like Brooke, Chloe has wildly inaccurate ideas about what “sexy,” is, and less like Brooke, she has wildly inaccurate ideas of what constitutes consent. (this post explains it well.)

the SQUIP makes Jeremy walk over to Chloe (in an extremely jerky/robotic fashion) while he’s expressing surprise that she’s jealous of Brooke. to which she responds “obviously, I am NOT” while obviously crying.

Brooke shows up after Chloe tells Jeremy that “I’m bored of you anyway,” and Jake soon follows, yelling that they’d better not be having sex on his parents’ bed because “I specifically told everyone that was off limits!”

after Jake chases Jeremy out, Brooke stays behind to ask Chloe “how could you?” Chloe’s response, delivered so drunkenly that is isn’t even an answer to the question: “I’m so wasted right now.”

Michael In The Bathroom

“what’s not on the Internet?” got a lot of laughter.

Michael and Jeremy’s argument isn’t about luck, but about who’s looking out for Jeremy:

Michael: Think, man! We’re talking an insanely powerful supercomputer! And you’re using it to, what, get laid? Did it ever occur to you that there could be consequences? That you’re messing with something you don’t understand? Jeremy: You’re the one who said technology isn’t dangerous. Michael: Yeah, unless you use it like you. Jeremy: And I thought Chloe was jealous. Michael: I’m trying to look out for you. Jeremy: Oh, really? Because I think you’re pissed that I have one and you don’t. Michael: Oh, come on, man. Jeremy: I’m looking out for myself, for the first time in my life. With my history, I think I deserve that.

the jack-o’-lanterns hanging overhead flash in time with the “knock knock knock knock/clang clang clang clang/[etc.]” lines.

they really do take the bathtub away like in the rehearsal videos! bizarre choice if you ask me, but I’m not Stephen Brackett, so they didn’t ask me.

A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into (Reprise)

Brooke enters in the background just as Jeremy is sitting on the couch with Christine, stops to look at him sadly, and then leaves without saying anything; he doesn’t notice her at all.

Christine now tells Jeremy that Jake is upstairs fighting with Chloe, rather than having makeup sex, and that she dumped him because “I know he seems like this confident guy on the outside, but… under that he had this whole other layer, he was sensitive and sweet. And then the third layer was like, this underlying total jerk layer.”

at this particular show, Jeremy and Christine’s mutual weird noises were just full-throated screaming.

Christine advises Gingivitis to “drink water!” as he stumbles offstage.

over the course of them making weird noises at each other, Jeremy ends up lying on the couch with his legs hanging over the armrest, a pose I’d seen before in at least one piece of fanart but hadn’t realized was actually in the show.

Christine no longer gives any explanation of why she can’t date Jeremy — she just apologizes and runs off. the SQUIP’s return moments later is met with a very morose “look who decided to show up.”

The Smartphone Hour (Rich Set A Fire)

Brooke has a pair of earbuds that she briefly poses with (holding them taut overhead) before tossing them away just like her banana.

The Pants Song

at the SQUIP’s advice, Jeremy “disengages” from the conversation with his dad about the party; Mr. Heere says not to “hide behind [his] phone,” but Jeremy doesn’t look up until his mom is mentioned.

Jeremy’s rant about how his dad can’t act like a father and just keeps waiting for his mom to come back ends with “No wonder she’s gone.”

upon seeing Mr. Heere, Michael hides whatever it is he’s using to smoke (I don’t think it’s a bong but I have no idea what it actually is) among a bunch of garden gnomes.

“do you love him?” is followed by a record scratch (or maybe shredding on a string instrument?) and the music completely stopping long enough for Michael to respond.

Michael straightens/tugs down his boxer briefs during the second chorus.

“somewhat reluctantly” is followed by a recorder trill that’s not in the album recording.

Mr. Heere opens up his robe on “real literal pants” and shows off his distinct lack of pants to the audience before Michael urges him to put all that away.

The Pitiful Children

when Jeremy arrives at school, Chloe and Jake are arguing about who’s worse off:

Jake: No, no, no. You were messing around with Jeremy in my parents’ room! Chloe: You dumped me for a theatre girl! Jake: Hey, come on, Chlo. I broke my legs! Chloe: You broke my heart. Jake: Well, my house burned down! Chloe [furiously]: You had it coming! Jenna: Oh my God, guys, did you see me on TV? Chloe, Jake, and Brooke: Not now, Jenna!

Brooke’s confrontation of Jeremy now mentions her ex:

Jeremy: Hey, it’s so crazy, right, with Rich and the fire — Brooke: You knew my last boyfriend cheated on me. And you did it anyway. Did you even like me? Or were you just using me to get to someone else? Jeremy: No — Brooke: I am not a sexy dog you can kick, Jeremy. I am a person. [cue Chloe calling her like a dog]

Christine says “I guess I’ll just do theatre” with heavy irony — she realizes that doing theatre won’t fix anything that she’s upset about.

on the first chorus, all the teens (who had left the stage) walk back through again, as if to remind Jeremy of who exactly the pitiful children in question are.

Jeremy adds Mountain Dew to the beaker first, followed by a few SQUIPs, which frankly seems like the worst order to do that in.

Jeremy sounds more stilted again (more like in act 1) when offering Jenna the excuse about preparing Pansy Serum. he still asks Jenna “how are you feeling today?” but doesn’t immediately interrupt her to offer her a SQUIP:

Jenna: No one’s ever asked me that before. I know everything about everyone at this school, but no one ever wants to know me. SQUIP: You can help her. Offer her a drink. Jeremy: I can’t trick her into drinking a pill! SQUIP: She would do anything to feel like she belonged. Jenna: I would do anything to feel like I belong. Jeremy: Then would you maybe want to… drink this? Jenna: What’s in it? Jeremy: A supercomputer from Japan that’ll solve all your problems. Oh, and Mountain Dew. Jenna [cheerfully]: Okay!

the same blue screens/user agreement that appeared in the projections during The Squip Enters appear again behind Jenna, during her singing to the melody of The Smartphone Hour, suggesting that that’s the moment when her SQUIP fully activates.

by the end of the song, Jeremy has joined in on the choreography with the SQUIP ensemble. at times the SQUIP guides him through it by standing right behind him and placing its arms under his, a gesture that returns in The Play.

The Play

after Jeremy’s attempt to convince Christine to get a SQUIP totally fails, his SQUIP enters from above, being gradually lowered from the ceiling onto the stage.

Mr. Reyes gives Brooke the Pansy Serum onstage (as in, on the stage of A Midsummer Nightmare About Zombies) and she drinks it through a straw. (how did the SQUIP even get through it?)

the SQUIP explains its reasoning behind taking over more than just the student body:

SQUIP [over building music]: And why stop with the school? There’s an entire world of suffering people who need my help! It’s the glorious destiny for which I was programmed! And I never would have discovered it without… you. [music cuts out] Jeremy: …Oh, shit.

Rich physically shows up and yells “I NEED MOUNTAIN DEW RED!” when Jeremy is remembering him doing just that at the party. I tried to describe the staging but couldn’t put it into words so here’s a picture

Jeremy glitches even more than is on the cast recording, from the moment he first tries to say “I’m sorry,” and the lights in the set itself flash in time with his glitching; when he isn’t talking or being forced to hit Michael, he’s clutching his neck/throat and bending over in pain.

Jeremy knocks Michael to the floor with a punch, which was met with gasps and silence until Michael said “then why are you hitting me?” (an understatement, really.)

Jake pours the Mountain Dew Red either down a sink or into a laundry bin (either way, it’s not just onto the floor.) after telling Jeremy and Michael that his SQUIP blocked his pain receptors, he jumps a few times and says, “Now I don’t hurt anymore… here… or here,” first gesturing to his legs and then putting his hands over his heart.

when telling Jeremy they’re no longer mad at him, Brooke clings to Jeremy’s legs like she did in Upgrade, while Chloe wraps her arms around his neck and head; once they realize they see and like one another, they physically toss him aside.

the SQUIP urges Jeremy to “look how happy everyone is when they just get with the program!”

Michael tosses the bottle of Mountain Dew Red to Jeremy just before being knocked out and taken away by the SQUIP zombies.

the SQUIP zombies all bow to Christine when she appears. Christine gets VERY close to Jeremy during her solo, putting her hands on his chest and just generally being all over him.

once Christine’s finished singing, Jeremy is standing and watching her, the SQUIP telling him he can’t possibly drink the last drops, the hand that he’s holding the bottle with shaking uncontrollably as he tries to fight the SQUIP’s control… and then! his hand stops shaking as he gains the strength to physically knock the SQUIP back — and gives the bottle to Christine.

Michael explains about the links between the SQUIPs that means destroying one will destroy them all, AS the deactivation sequence is happening. good for him for figuring it out so quickly, I suppose? it does mess a bit with the flow of the scene though.

Voices In My Head

Rich’s “totally bi now” on Michael’s entrance is sung, sounding a lot like like “technically I’m homeless!”

Michael tells Jeremy that after everyone at the play passed out, “the audience went totally crazy… they’re saying it’s the best school play in years.”

since Michael’s already explained the linking between the SQUIPs, his and Jeremy’s conversation now focuses on how Jeremy knew that destroying one would destroy them all (he didn’t — he “was just trying to save Christine”) and why Michael came to help him:

Jeremy: After everything I did, you were still there for me. Michael: Oh, I was fully prepared to watch you suffer. Jeremy: Wow. Michael: But then someone reminded me, when you love someone, you… [Mr. Heere enters] Michael: …it sounds better when he says it.

Michael fixes Jeremy’s sweatshirt while saying it’s reassuring that Jeremy still needs them.

after Rich suggests that Jeremy tell Christine that she “excites you sexually,” Jeremy points at Rich as if to say “is that right?” and Michael and Mr. Heere make frantic gestures to the effect of “NO IT ISN’T.”

Brooke tells Jeremy that she’s still mad at him, but also over him, and Jenna’s arm is on her shoulder the whole time. considering that Chloe and Jake are being similarly affectionate in that scene, it certainly suggests that Brooke and Jenna are a couple now.

Jake dabs after offering his own advice, and Jeremy dabs in response.

Christine revealing that Ruth Bader Ginsberg was her SQUIP also got a big laugh.

instead of Jeremy bending down to kiss Christine, he kneels down in a sort of lunging position, and Christine runs into his arms to kiss him.

the repetition of “the loudest one is mine!” is accompanied by all the teens hugging and high fiving one another and dancing together. they’re all in love…

Stage door

Troy Iwata was the first to come out and sign things, and someone standing near me shouted “Troy’s our boy!”

George Salazar came out second, not long after Troy and first went around posing for selfies with everyone before going around a second time to actually sign things.

after a while of waiting, the band came out — no idea if they signed anything, but they got cheers, especially the theremin player.

#be more chill #jeremy heere #michael mell #christine canigula #jake dillinger #rich goranski #brooke lohst #chloe valentine #jenna rolan #the squip #mr heere #sometimes i write #this took a frankly unreasonable amount of time

110 notes · View notes

fillianore-moved · 5 years

Text

this is just a very long and unfortunate list of incorrect quotes i’ve compiled for the fe3h squad + my oc (aka cassia montal, who’s the assistant teacher at the monastery and is romancing jeritza)! i just needed a way to develop her and all the relationships there more, and this is the result, so it’s completely self-indulgent, lazy and frankly pretty silly, but still i had fun and developed her and her relationships a lot during this process! @highoverseer and @koroleyva i’m tagging you two because idk anyone else who’d care at all for this flaming pile of trash packed into a fe3h package uwu 🌷🌼🌸

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byleth: how long have you been sleeping with cassia?

jeritza: that’s disgusting. and wrong. i don’t even get… why would... i…i’ve never had sex with anyone, anywhere. it’s none of your… you have… the nerve, the audacity… cassia is my colleague, technically. and she is terrible, face-wise. and how… how... do i know, frankly, that you’re not sleeping with her? maybe you are. maybe you’re trying to throw me off? hmm? check and mate.

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cassia dies.

annette is sobbing

dimitri is heartbroken

edelgard is trying to do a satanic ritual with hubert to bring her back

claude is stapling memes to her coffin

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byleth: you dropped your dyn- dy- dyna… mite…

byleth: uh… what else have you got in there?

cassia: oh… gunpowder, nitroglycerin, notepads, fuses, wicks, glue, and… paperclips. big ones.

cassia: uou know. just office supplies.

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cassia to annette: when you turn 18, people are gonna try and tell you to buy drugs or cigarettes because you can. no. you know what else is legal to buy at 18? blades. get yourself a damn sword. a big knife is also okay.

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cassia: we both look very beautiful tonight.

jeritza: you know, if you- if you’d just said I look beautiful, I would’ve said “so do you”.

cassia: i couldn’t take that chance.

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dorothea: you need a hobby.

cassia: i have a hobby.

dorothea: staring at jeritza’s face isn’t a hobby.

cassia: you’re right. it’s a profession and i excel at my job.

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cassia, looking in the mirror at 3am trying to practice self love: you’re doing great you stupid bitch..

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manuela: i didn’t want to do this, but i know one way we can get the money.

cassia: you’d make a decent prostitute.

manuela: i’d make an amazing prostitute, but i was actually talking about this guy I know.

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byleth: admit it! you like cassia!

jeritza: oh, come on. i mean, am i attracted to cassia? sure. do my days feel better when I’m around her? yeah. does she get me in ways no person ever has? indubitably. do i fantasize about her? sure, of course, but only in two positions. but do I like her? the answer is no.

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cassia: when have i done anything rash or irresponsible?

claude: i keep a list if you wanna see. it’s alphabetized.

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byleth: whose turn is it to give the pep-talk?

cassia: (sighing) felix’s…

felix: fuck shit up out there, but don’t die.

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annette: is anyone else scared?

cassia: not really. i’ve already lived longer than i expected.

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flayn: what is the best way to kill someone?

byleth: kindness.

cassia: If we’re being stealthy, potassium cynaite. otherwise, anything from a knife to a bazooka works...

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cassia: *crying*

byleth: i would like to join you in acknowledging the difficulties of your life

cassia: you are the WORST at this comfort thing

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claude: if edelgard, dimitri and i were drowning, who would you save?

cassia: you morons can’t even swim?

edelgard: teacher, it’s a hypothetical question.

dimitri: yeah, who would you save?

cassia: my time and effort.

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annette: The cookie isn’t sweet enough, and the texture is runny because it’s not fully baked. if I have to rate this, i would give it three points.

cassia: i made it myself…

annette: it’s out of three points.

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edelgard: if I ask you a boy question, will you promise not to be weird?

cassia: i promise.

edelgard: so, there’s this guy-

cassia: you can do better.

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cassia, torturing a prisioner: we have ways of making you talk…

cassia: flayn, what are you doing here? you’re not allowed in here

flayn: (hands her a drawing)

cassia: did you draw this? this is so good! i promise we’ll hang it in the entrance of the dungeon so everyone can see it before they get tortured!

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sylvain: i rarely give compliments, teacher, but that shirt looks great. i bet it would look even better on byleth’s assistant’s bedroom floor.

jeritza: …

cassia: sylvain, are you … hitting on jeritza for me?

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cassia: it’s hard being byleth’s assistant teacher sometimes, but i love the my students and that’s all that-

caspar, in the background: teacher cassia! I tried to make spaghetti in the coffee pot and accidentally broke it!

cassia: *inhales*

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post time-skip, black eagles route

cassia: i need some peace and quiet...

edelgard: i’ll be quiet!

hubert: and i’ll be peace!

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jeritza: everything’s going to be fine. it’s just a crush.

cassia: hey, jeritza!

jeritza: i love you.

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post time-skip, blue lions route

dimitri, talking about cassia: i know you think my judgment’s clouded because i like her a little bit.

dedue: you doodled your wedding invitation

dimitri: no, that’s our joint tombstone.

dedue: ... my mistake.

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post time-skip, hubert’s support

edelgard: (whispering to hubert) start with a compliment! tell her she looks thin.

hubert: (to cassia) you seem malnourished.

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post time-skip, edelgard’s support

ferdinand, watching cassia train: she can’t be good at everything. maybe she’s a bad kisser.

edelgard: no, she’s good at that too.

ferdinand: what?

edelgard: what?

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sylvain: I'm grounded?

cassia: yes, you're grounded.

byleth: you disobeyed an order.

dimitri: and now we're going to bury you until you learn your lesson.

cassia:

byleth: dimitri, that's not how grounding works.

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dorothea: i promised byleth we wouldn’t do anything illegal.

cassia:

cassia: Why would you lie to our resident parental figure like that?

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linhardt: i slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

cassia: linhardt that’s a coma

linhardt: sounds festive

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cassia: don’t worry, i have a permit.

seteth: …this just says ‘i do what i want.’

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cassia: there are no mistakes, just happy little accidents

cassia: ... and lorenz

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post time-skip, golden deer route

cassia: this is it

cassia: this is the darkest timeline

hilda: we just ran out of alcohol you dramatic little bitch

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post time-skip, blue lions route

felix: cassia?

cassia, sighing: jeritza used to call me cassia…

felix: because it’s your fucking name

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cassia: WHO THE FUCK ATE ALL MY MACAROONS?! IM GOING TO KI-

annette: it was me.

cassia: KISS YOUR HEAD SO SOFT BABY, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU THE MOST RIGHT?

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post time-skip, black eagles route

edelgard: so what are we gonna do?

cassia: i don’t know... pizza maybe?

edelgard:

hubert:

ferdinand:

edelgard: about the war, cassia

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during a mock battle

ferdinand: start waving your white flag!

hilda: THE ONLY THING I WILL BE WAVING IS YOUR DECAPITATED HEAD ON A STICK IN FRONT OF YOUR WEEPING MOTHER.

cassia: ... Yikes...

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cassia: hey flayn, do you think I could fit fifteen macarons into my mouth?

seteth: you're a hazard to society.

flayn: and a coward. do twenty!

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byleth: your trainee said a swear word in class.

cassia: i’ll talk to them about it..

cassia, to lysithea: what the fuck, dude...

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rhea: this was a 100% successful trip.

byleth: we lost cassia.

rhea: this was a 100% successful trip.

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sylvain, flirting with a girl: so, are you from heaven?

cassia: yes, she's a ghost...

cassia: she died fifteen years ago...

cassia: like that pick-up line of yours.

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dedue: felix lost cassia…

dimitri: how do you lose a woman?!

ashe: you forget to cherish her.

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cassia: you like me? you like my personality?

byleth: i was surprised too.

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lysithea: [covers cassia’s eyes] guess who? she’s sweet, she’s adorable~

lysithea: and she’s gonna be really mad if you get it wrong!

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ignatz: i lose at everything. i even lost my glasses.

cassia, staring at the glasses on top of his head: i’ll help you find them for five gold...

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jeritza: what are you, a cop? fuck off!

cassia: jeritza...

jeritza: okay, sorry, one more time.

priest:

priest: do you take this woman to be y--

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rhea: cassia, can we speak privately for a minute?

cassia: ooooh, someone’s in trouble!

cassia : no, wait.

cassia : it’s me.

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cassia: wait, stop, think!

caspar: no, no, and no.

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bernadetta: i’m just worried about hurting their feelings!

cassia: hurting their feelings…? you just walk around all day caring about peoples’ feelings?

bernadetta: yes, of course. don’t you?

cassia: no.

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byleth: you’re smiling, did something good happen?

cassia: can’t I just smile because I feel like it?

dorothea: seteth tripped and fell in the courtyard.

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claude: i trust cassia.

hilda: you think she knows what she’s doing?

claude: ... i wouldn’t go that far.

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cassia: oh, yes, i’ll live.

cassia: but i won’t enjoy it.

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cassia: you piss me off so much.

rhea: i literally just said “hello.“

cassia: yet here i am, boiling with rage.

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cassia: don’t worry, you’ve got everything you need to defeat them.

marianne: the power to believe in myself?

cassia: no, a knife.

cassia: stab them.

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petra: i’ve never done anything wrong in my life

cassia: i know this and i love you

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ignatz: *trips on nothing*

cassia: ha, you’re so clumsy.

(5mins later)

cassia: *aggressively punching the air* what’s your–fucking problem huh?? what–did he ever–do to you??

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byleth: now we’re going to compliment the person to our right.

cassia: *looks at seteth fondly*

cassia: nothing brightens up a room like your absence.

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shady guy, coming up to cassia: if you care about your student you’ll come with me..

cassia: which student?

shady guy: lorenz hellman gloucester

cassia:

cassia: *turns around and walks away*

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cassia: did it hurt?

jeritza: *rolls eyes* let me guess, when i fell from heaven?

cassia: no

jeritza: what?

cassia, grinning: did it hurt when you fell for me?

jeritza: ...

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marianne: does this make me a bad person?

cassia: marianne, there is not a force in history that could make you a bad person...

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cassia: you and me? we both want the same thing.

cassia: but we’re gonna have to work... near each other.

seteth: you mean together, cassia?

cassia, turning around angrily: did you hear me say together??

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cassia: annette’s at that very special age where she has only one thing on her mind.

manuela: boys?

cassia: murder.

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cassia: *hugs dimitri*

dimitri: what's this? what's happening?

cassia: it's going to be alright.

dimitri: why are you squeezing me with your body?

cassia: it's a hug, dimitri. i'm hugging you.

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cassia: claude, can we talk, one ten to another?

claude: i’m an eleven, teacher, but continue.

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mercedes: oh fiddlesticks.

cassia: look, i understand this is a tense situation but let's watch the fucking language.

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linhardt: i’m busy.

cassia: do you think drinking 36 glasses of wine consecutively would make my battle senses and crest powers even more heightened or would I just die?

linhardt:

linhardt: i’m on my way.

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cassia: we’re engaged

jeritza: IN COMBAT

jeritza: *pulls out his sword*

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manuela: why does everybody always assume I'm having a stroke?

cassia: age.

dorothea: diet.

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leonie: i sort of did something and i need your advice. but i don’t want a lot of judgment and criticism.

cassia: ... and you came to me?

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cassia: what do we say when life disappoints us?

dimitri: called it.

cassia: NO--

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cassia: *sees someone do something stupid*

cassia: what an idiot.

cassia: *realizes it’s sylvain*

cassia: oh, that’s my idiot.

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cassia: ferdinand, we tried things your way.

ferdinand: no, we didn't.

cassia: i did it in my head and it didn't work.

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manuela: between claude, ignatz, lorenz, and raphael - if you had to - who would you punch?

cassia: no one! they are my golden deer! my students! i wouldn't punch any of them.

manuela: lorenz?

cassia: ... yeah.

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cassia: you need them to think that you are stronger than you actually are.

ashe: that’s what you do, right?

cassia: oh, no. my power is no illusion. i can fucking demolish you.

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cassia: before i do anything, i ask myself, would rhea do that? and if the answer is yes, i do not do that thing.

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flayn: do you really think we should stay outside or do you just not want to deal with this right now?

cassia: two things can be true...

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cassia: name a way to be nice to others.

dimitri: don't kill them.

cassia:

cassia: setting the bar a little low, dima, but I'll allow it.

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cassia: remember that time you made me lick the swing set?

dorothea: no, i said "cassia don't lick the swing set!" then you said "don't tell me what to do!" and then you licked the swing set.

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cassia: what are the signs of depression?

byleth: why are you asking?

cassia: manuela was doing laundry earlier and she dropped a sock and i heard her say “why has the goddess forsaken me?”

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cassia: i just realized. i had a terrible childhood.

manuela: yeah, i know.

cassia: what do you mean, “you know”?

manuela: look at the way you stand... people who had good childhoods don’t stand like that.

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cassia: you have to learn to love yourself.

marianne: but don’t you hate yourself?

cassia: yes, but this is about you, stay focused.

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hilda (with lysithea probably): REMEMBER THE PACTS FORGED BETWEEN OUR PEOPLES LONG AGO.

cassia: stop it, it's 4 in the morning.

hilda: YOU PLEDGED ETERNAL SERVITUDE.

cassia: i did not.

hilda: IN EXCHANGE WE WOULD COME TO YOUR AID IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED.

cassia: i'm not feeding you.

hilda: REMEMBER THE PACTS.

--------------

annette: hey, can you do me a favor?

cassia: i’d kill for you, but go on.

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in the garden

mercedes: annette, can you grab that hoe?

annette: *grabs cassia’s arm*

mercedes: wait, that's not what I meant...

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flayn: hey cassia, can i go get some candy?

cassia: what did seteth say?

flayn: no.

cassia: then why do you think i’ll let you?

flayn: because seteth’s not the boss of you.

cassia, internally: it’s a trap it’s a trap it’s a trap

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dorothea: if I die, my ghost is gonna haunt you!

cassia: then your ghost is going to see some disgusting stuff.

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hubert’s support in a nutshell

hubert, in the margins of his notebook: mywife is soft nd ilikeher

hubert: my wiwwwfie wife is visiting a noble family with the empress and i miss her

hubert: MY EWFIE IS HOME MY WIFE

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felix: see? this is my “i don’t care” face.

cassia: that’s your normal face.

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cassia: of course, i care about everyone in this house equally!

claude: we were attacked while you were away.

cassia: is marianne okay???

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cassia: if edelgard jumped off a cliff, would you?

hubert: *stares into the distance with a blank expression*

cassia: hubert!

hubert: well- er- i mean, it depends.

cassia: DON’T JUMP OFF A CLIFF!

hubert: well, i wasn’t planning on it.

cassia: but if edelgard did, you would!?

hubert: *stares into the distance yet again*

cassia: HUBERT!

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lysithea: if i run and leap at cassia, she will almost certainly catch me in her arms.

lysithea: COMING IN! *runs at cassia*

cassia: NO! I’M HOLDING COFFEE!

cassia: *drops the cup and catches her*

------------

leonie: why are you helping me so much?

cassia: because my life is a mess right now and i compulsively take care of other people when i don’t know how to take care of myself.

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hubert’s support, post time-skip

dorothea, barging into the library: you two ARE having sex!

hubert: really? cassia, why didn’t you tell me? i would’ve put my book down.

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cassia: we have fun, don’t we?

ashe: i have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

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cassia: why are we laying on the ground?

sylvain: you got knocked down so i laid next to you so everyone would just think we were chillin’.

------------

petra: i did something terrible.

cassia: it’s okay, i have a shovel.

petra: wait, what do you think i did?

cassia: it doesn’t matter, no one will ever know.

------------

seteth: time for bed.

flayn: cassia says that I can stay up as long as I want, and YOU need to die.

seteth:

seteth: what the heck, cassia-

------------

ingrid: i think rhea is in trouble!

cassia: alright... struggling to give a fuck, if i’m honest.

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marianne: i made a friendship bracelet for you!

cassia: i’m not really a jewelry person.

marianne: oh, you don’t have to wear it.

cassia: no, back off, i’m gonna wear it forever.

-----------

manuela: i’m playing a new drinking game. it’s called “Every time i’m depressed, i take a drink.”

dorothea: that game exists. that’s called alcoholism.

manuela and cassia: *take a swig simultaneously*

--------------

during hubert’s support

cassia: i love you. you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.

hubert: i’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you?

cassia: yes.

hubert: … now i’m starting to feel a little sorry for you.

--------------

cassia: alright, listen up you little shits.

cassia: not you, bernadetta. you’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

--------------

cassia: do you ever wanna talk about your emotions, felix?

felix: no.

sylvain: i do!

cassia: we know, sylvain.

sylvain: i’m sad...

cassia: we know, sylvain.

--------------

cassia: since when is babysitting them my—

cassia: oh, my god, that’s exactly my job.

#i'm trying to pinpoint her personality and i finally think i've got it #so like... just a completely self indulgent long list of convos that never took place #obv these are from various different tv shows/movies/books/etc #also if anyone already used these in a similar manner - sorry also we've ascended #for everyone who knows anything about the game - i have like 10 s support routes prepared for her akljdkksj because no control thot life #THIS IS A WIP and i'll add more of these from time to time~#oc: cassia montal

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lightanddarklove · 4 years

Text

Connverse Week Day 6: Sword

Talin the Hexblade

This could really take place any time in the SU: Future Timeline. I started this back in February, but could easily fit before Together Forever, or between I Am My Monster and The Future or after The Future. I don't even mention anything about Greg's hair so this could even fit before Bluebird.

Thanks again for all the likes and reblogs! Check out my masterpost for my other writing links if you've been enjoying my writing.

Each of the characters created in this oneshot have their own character sheet I made in D&D Beyond. I'll also be linking here the drawings once I get them scanned and on my art blog of each of their portrait drawings.

Connie’s character Talin the Warlock Amethyst’s Character Wiivai the Barbarian Steven’s Character Larks Song the Bard

Gen | 4478 words | Tw: Discussions of Death, Undead creatures and Drinking in a fantasy context

Greg, Connie, Steven and Amethyst are trying out some collaborative storytelling through characters of Faerun. Or, Greg tries to tell a story through D&D and it's like herding cats. Mostly platonic, and not to be taken seriously.

“Okay,” Greg started, setting down a bag of dice and his DM screen that looked older than his son on the folding table. He looked to the other three surrounding him: Connie, Steven and Amethyst, seated around the small table, piles of dice near each player. Amethyst and Steven sat with blank character sheets in front of them and Connie’s section of the table was conspicuously free of paper. “So who knows what they want to play?” Almost immediately, Connie retrieved what looked like a nearly completed character sheet from a folder she had previously set in her lap. “Teifling Warlock, Hexblade Subclass, Hermit Background,” she declared proudly. Greg nodded sagely. “Out of the four basic roles Steven explained to me, Beatstick is the one I’m most interested in.” Amethyst answered casually. “But… I don’t want to be super reliant on armor, so the best choices are Fighter and Barbarian, right?” “Yeah,” Greg replied. “Both of them can use shields, but you can sacrifice a bit of your Armor Class, meaning how often you get hit, to wield two-handed weapons, which are stronger than those that only use one hand. Out of the two classes, Barbarian has the most HP, but some of the subclasses may draw you to one over the other.” Greg opened the 5th Edition Players Handbook and stuck a blank index card in the opening page of both classes, sliding the book over to Amethyst. “See what strikes your fancy. If you don’t love those subclasses, I got a few more for you to look at in this bad boy,” he said, patting Xanathar’s Guide to Everything on top of his stack of books. Greg turned his attention to his son. “And how about you, Steven?” “I was thinking a caster, but we need a healer, right?” Steven asked. “Well,” Greg answered, “if you didn’t want to play a healer or half-caster with healing spells, like Ranger or Paladin, I can cook up a NPC to keep you from blowing yourself up.”

“Um, the thing is, I was kind more leaning to a specific race than a class, but it’s from Volo’s Guide. Is that acceptable?” “If that’s what you want, I’m fine with it. Just show me.” Greg said. Steven presented Greg his phone to show the screenshots of the class. Greg quickly scanned the page. “Tabaxi. Dex +2 and Charisma +1. Ok, darkvision, sprint ability, climbing speed 20, 1D4 unarmed melee damage, and Perception and Stealth. I don’t see anything here that seems to be too overpowered. We’ll wanna order a copy of the book to make it easier to reference when we start playing, though.” “Ok. So for my class, if we need another caster I could do Sorcerer, or for a healer Bard is cool.” “Yeah, if you have the plus to Charisma, Bard fills the healing role fine and has a lot of fun spells when you don’t need to heal. If you change your mind, let me know.” “Yeah,” Steven said. “Tabaxi also have a quirk, so I’m gonna roll for that now while Amethyst looks over her class options.” Steven plucked the D10 from his dice pile and gave it a light toss. It tumbled across the table and landed on 0. “Oh dad, I’m sorry.” “What?” Greg answered.

“‘You can’t help but pocket interesting objects you come across.’” Steven recited. “That’s going to make things annoying for you, probably.”

“It’ll be fine as long as you don’t roll bad when stealing. Otherwise the guards will be after ya.”

“Noted,” Steven answered. “I’ll be taking the ‘Sleight of Hand’ skill then.”

“So Amethyst, you made up your mind?” Greg turned his attention to the gem sitting across from him.

“Yeah, unarmored defense and rage sounds rad.” Amethyst replied. “The totem warrior thing I get at level 3 sounds cool, but you said there were other options in the book with the eyeball creep?”

“Oh yeah, you might like Path of the Storm Herald.” Greg flipped the book open and searched for Barbarian subclasses. “The ‘eyeball creep’ is a Beholder, they’re really powerful magic creatures that have a lot of knowledge and are known to be dangerous to anybody who isn’t high level.” Greg located the page and set the book down in front of Amethyst.

“Do you think you know what race you want?” Connie asked, having been quiet since she had revealed her almost complete character.

“Well, Barbarians are strong, right?” Amethyst replied. “What’s a race that has higher strength?”

“There’s a subrace of dwarf that has Strength, and they naturally have Constitution, which is the other important stat for Barbarians.” Greg answered. “The other common race for Barbarian is Half-Orc, they’ve got plusses to Strength and Con as well. They also do more damage when they critically hit.”

“Oh Amethyst,” Steven interjected, “I got one you might like.” He scrolled on his phone and presented it to her. “How would you like to be a Lizardfolk? They’ve got a bite attack and a swim speed.”

“I can bite people?” Amethyst exclaimed. “I’m gonna chomp my way to victory!”

“I see your biting people,” Greg replied in a more measured tone, “And raise you breathing fire or spitting acid. Check Dragonborn out, they increase Strength and have a breath weapon.”

“Ooooh…” Amethyst said with a grin. “I like spitting acid.” Greg took back the Players Handbook and flipped to Dragonborn, handing the book back over.

“So, look that over, jot down your notes on your features, and then we’ll roll your stats.” Greg instructed. “Gonna give you a bit of a buff over the stats in the PH since besides the damage resistance and breath weapon they don’t have a lot of other features like some of the races do. But we can go over that once you roll.” He turned his attention back to his son. “Now Steven, did you have any ideas on what subclass you wanted? I know you don’t get your Bardic College till level 3, but knowing what you’re building towards may help you pick out what spells you want and your playstyle.”

“Valor’s cool, and when I looked into Xanathar’s I also liked College of Swords, but is there any subclasses that are like Sheppard from Druid? Where I can make friends with animals or stuff like that?”

“Oh Steven!” Connie interjected. “There’s a new subclass that they just released, College of Eloquence, which lets you talk with all kinds of creatures for 10 minutes at a time as a bonus action for one of your bardic inspirations. It’s in the newest Unearthed Arcana, I’ll look it up right now.”

“Unearthed Arcana, huh?” Greg pondered. “I haven’t heard that name in ages, but that’s just the way they describe playtest material nowadays, right?”

“Yeah,” Connie replied, pulling out her phone and searching in her recent history. “If you’re fine with stuff that hasn’t been made official yet.”

“Back in 2nd edition and 3.0 days, before you two were born, we used homebrew stuff all the time,” Greg said. “So having playtest material isn’t a bad thing, especially since people making the game are the ones putting it out. Trying out this new subclass to make yourself the role of animal tamer, if that’s what you think you want, Schtu-ball.”

“I’ll check it out,” Steven replied. Connie handed Steven her phone, and he took it graciously.

“So while they’re checking out their classes,” Greg said, “Connie, are you ready to roll your stats?”

“Yes, sir.” Connie said, picking up her set of blue and green D6s.

“Four of those, drop the lowest of each set of four to get your total,” Greg instructed. “Write ‘em down as you go and roll that seven times. Drop the lowest of the seven and place your six stats where you like.” He handed her an index card and she took it, nodding. She tossed the dice into her short dice tower and began totaling her stats.

“So,” Amethyst interjected, “I’m a black Dragoborn Barbarian and I’m thinking I like that Storm herald for when we get to level 3. What else do I gotta do?”

“Just check out the backgrounds in Chapter 4 of the Player’s Handbook,” Greg replied. “There’s more in Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide, which I can pull up on my phone, if you don’t like these. After that, we’ll roll up your stats.”

“Ok, I’m done,” Connie said. “I got 15, 11, 14, 17, 12, 10. I dropped a 7.”

“If you put that 17 in Charisma and add your racial trait, you end up with 19 and that’s a +4 bonus to start with. Not bad at all. Where you placing the other ones?”

“10 Strength, 14 Dexterity, 15 Constitution, 11 plus 1 racial Intelligence, 12 Wisdom.” Connie tallied.

“Quite respectable.” Greg replied. “Now I wanted to start everyone at level 2, so you’ll be getting your evocations now and another spell. If you haven’t picked your proficiencies, do that now.”

“since I’m a teifling,” Connie said, “I’m going to take advantage of getting the darkness spell once per day for free, so my best evocations for now are Devil’s Sight and Agonizing Blast.”

“You’ve sure done your research, Connie.” Greg said.

“I’m excited to play!” She replied eagerly. “I’ve always wanted to get into a group ever since my dad and I played Baldur’s Gate when I was 11. I was only allowed to play it with the gore settings off though, when I was younger. The only time I got to play D&D was a one-shot with a few school friends but the DM that ran it moved away, and no one else wanted to try.”

“Yeah, DMing isn’t for everyone,” Greg said, nodding.

“Ok Greg,” Amethyst interjected, “I’m gonna go with the Sailor background, so am I good to roll?”

Steven grabbed the Players Handbook from in front of Amethyst since she was done with it.

“Yup. Here ya go!” Greg said, handing over the 4 six-sided dice.

“Go over the math on this one more time, would ya?” Amethyst asked.

“Roll those four dice seven times total.” Greg answered. “Each time you roll, add the three highest numbers together and write it down. Out of those seven rolls, you drop the lowest number and take those to place in whatever stat you like. Con and Strength are the most important for Barbarians, but Dex can be handy too. The dump stat for you will likely be Intelligence, like how Connie put her lowest in Strength.”

“OK,” Amethyst replied. She gave the dice a shake, before cupping her hands in front of Steven. “Blow on ‘em, for luck Steven!”

“The statistics on your dice won’t change just because somebody blows on them, Amethyst.” Connie teased as Steven puffed out a breath onto the dice. Amethyst shook her hands few more times.

“Just cause that’s true for humans, doesn’t mean is true for gems.” Amethyst countered. “Steven’s got magic spit, maybe it’ll magically make my rolls better.” With a gentle throw of her wrist the dice bounced and spread across the table. “6, 5, 6, 2. That’s a 17. And if I don’t botch the next few throws I can be the powerhouse of the group!”

“Don’t count your dragons before they hatch, Amethyst.” Greg chided with a smile. “You never want to tempt fate on the dice gods, or your campaign can be doomed before it starts.”

Amethyst scooped the borrowed dice into her hands again and with a shake rolled them again. “Aw dunk, 4, 3, 4, 2. That’s 11. Not great.”

“Keep rolling, Amethyst. Just give me the totals when you’re done.” Greg instructed. He turned to Connie with a smile. “Now Connie, unlike the other two, Warlocks often have more perspective on theism than martial or arcane caster classes. So tell me,” he leaned on his hand, “what is your character’s relationship like with her deity?”

“My character goes by Talin.” Connie replied, tone serious. “She came across her arcane focus left for her by the Raven Queen while she was exiled from her hometown. She was drawn to it from a message in a dream. If my patron contacts me it’s either with just a few words, or in my dreams. If I’m commanded, I can meditate and she can send me short messages.”

“Are you one of an order, or are you working alone?” Greg asked.

“Alone. If there are others who work for Lady Death, I don’t know it. All I know is I was chosen.”

“So what does Lady Death expect of her chosen?” Greg probed. “What is your calling, and why have you returned to the civilized world?”

“The Raven Queen wants the souls of the undead who have been wrongfully brought back or kept from peacefully passing to the afterlife in the first place. So she wants me to send back to the world of the dead ghosts, skeletons, scarecrows, vampires, and most importantly Liches. Plus I need to stop any necromancers or other magic users that create these things.” Connie replied.

“Scarecrows are undead?” Amethyst asked, rolling her dice again.

“Yeah, they’re animated by souls of vengeful spirits, whether humanoid or demons.” Connie replied.

“You didn’t say zombies, is the Raven Queen ok with zombies?” Steven asked, looking up from the Players Handbook chapter on Backgrounds.

“Zombies aren’t animated by souls, they’re just bodies.” She answered. “Like an animated armor, so if it’s not a returned soul, it’s not a problem. Skeletons are controlled by souls, despite not having free will.”

“So I’m done rolling stats, Greg,” Amethyst cut in. “17, 11, 8, 11, 17, 16.”

“We got a power player here,” Greg replied approvingly. “So by putting the 17 in Strength, you’ll end up with a 19, giving you a +4 to hit and damage. Set the other big numbers in Constitution and Dexterity. And I’ll give you an extra +1 to Con since Dragonborn are a little underpowered. So, if you make Dex 16, put the 17 in Con, you’ll end up with a +3 and +4 as your modifers, meaning your starting AC will be 17 with no shield and 19 with a shield. Pretty respectable.”

“So if I wanna take intimidation as a class skill, I wanna give an 11 to my Charisma, making that racial bonus hit 12, right?” Amethyst asked.

“You’re picking it up, Amethyst. That just leaves wisdom and intelligence left.” Greg answered.

“Kay, I’ll put the 11 in Wisdom and 8 in Int,” Amethyst replied. “Connie’s the smart one in this crew, no surprise there,” she teased, and Connie smiled as her cheeks flushed.

“So why are you rolling into town, Connie?” Greg posited.

“My Lady Death thinks I can get stronger faster with a group. There’s only so much I can do on my own, but as long as I can eventually get strong enough to be a lich hunter, whatever I have to do with my time to get there she’s in favor of.” She shrugged a bit. “I can fight a couple skeletons on my own as a level 1, but I’m sure I didn’t see a lot of them all the time. I bet I got most of my XP from beasts or bandits.”

“Sounds like someone’s playing an edgy character…” Amethyst teased.

“I just loved the potential for what Hexblade can do in combat.” She said, twirling her pencil. “So I did a lot of research and figured out what made the most sense for my ideal playstyle.” Greg set his hands together and leaned towards Connie, eyes glinting with feigned apprehension.

“So Connie, this sounds like you’re not playing a good character. Are you going the evil or neutral route? What’s your alignment?” She hesitated a moment, setting her pencil down and spinning it on the table.

“… If you really think about it, I’m fighting mostly evil undead, and Raven Queen’s an unaligned deity…” Connie’s voice came out high and nervous, the least confident she had been all afternoon. “So the case can easily be made for her followers to be neutral, right? After all, it doesn’t matter if you’re good or evil, just about everything will die eventually.” She hesitated, glancing back to Steven and Amethyst. “I just don’t want to make the team weaker if we have conflicting alignments. If I have an evil character, and one of you is playing a good character, I’ll have to trick you into thinking I’m not evil so we don’t end up constantly bickering.” Amethyst shrugged.

“My character’s not much of a free thinker.” She replied nonchalantly. “She probably wouldn’t be into slaughtering innocent people, but I don’t really think she’d have any reservations about smashing up some skeletons or necromancers. I say, if you wanna go bad, go for it.” Greg, Connie and Amethyst all turned to Steven, who had been quiet for a little while. He looked at them confusedly for a moment.

“What?” He asked.

“Are you into playing the bad boy, Stee-man?” Amethyst purred, spinning a d8 on the table.

“I-“ He froze for a second. “I could play an evil character if that’s what everyone else wants to do,” his voice tight. “I mean Amethyst and I were heels when we did Purple Puma and Tiger Millionaire…”

“If you want to play a good guy, that’s fine,” Connie interjected. “I’ll play Talin as neutral.”

“Connie, I want you to have fun, so I can play a neutral character if that’s better for the group.” Steven replied. “I think I found a background that will work for that anyway, just gimmie a sec…”

“Ok, Steven.” Greg said. “Amethyst, what’s your motivation for your character? You said she’s a sailor, right? So what brings her to port, and what reason would she have for finding an adventuring group?”

“Oh, that’s easy: revenge.” Amethyst replied with a sneer.

“Did you get kicked off your ship?” Connie asked. “And what’s her name?

“Not just that. My ship was stolen by pirates.” She answered roguishly. “I was one of the few survivors of the Silver Swordfish. I want to group up and get stronger so I can take the ship back. There’s two people that need to go down for their place in this folly. The captain of the ship that boarded my vessel, and the cad who’s heading it now both need to find an axe in their heads. My axe, specifically. And her name is Wiivai Norixius.”

“You came up with that fast, Amethyst,” Greg replied.

“Guess I’m just a natural improviser,” she said coyly.

“With what you just said, that sounds like you have a pretty specific goal in mind.” Greg replied, and Amethyst nodded. “We’ll workshop your remaining crew and your adversaries on our own time.”

“Sounds good, Greg. Oh, and when you were talking about alignment stuff, I think I’m feeling the Chaotic Neutral vibe.” Amethyst said. “Outside of my goal to take back my old ship, I’m down for whatever. Drinks, fighting, gambling, flirting. It’s all on the table.”

“Oh boy.” Greg replied, running a hand through his hair. “Well, we’ll make it work.”

“Dad,” Steven said, “I wanted to know if you were open to the Background Variants. There’s one I like if I can play around with it a bit.”

“Lay it on me,” Greg replied.

“Okay, so noble makes it easier to talk to other nobles and get common people to accommodate me, right? But I’m a Tabaxi, which is from the southern isle of Chult, so likely there wouldn’t be many noble-born families on the main part of Faerun.”

“Well, that’s true, but I can make exceptions if you’d want to play it that way. In that case, it will probably make you the face of the party. You’ll probably be doing most of the talking for the group.” Greg interjected. “All of you are playing uncommon races, so the idea that the cat-man is the most approachable of this trio makes the most sense.”

“Ok, so here’s the alternative option. Noble has a variant for knight, which gives three retainers instead of having a position of privilege, which makes less sense for a foreign noble. But I’m a bard, so instead of having knightly retainers, I could have them be my back-up band! I’m the second son of noble family, an eccentric musician who wants to get out and see the world. I’m still well-spoken and have a bit of money to throw around, but I’ve got a little crew, instead of having to worry about the names of local nobility.”

“So what’s the catch?” Greg asked.

“I would just want my retainers, or band, to be proficient in one skill,” Steven replied. “Performance with a different instrument than me.”

“I don’t see a problem with that.” Greg answered. “I still think based on your college of eloquence, and noble background you’d probably end up leading most conversations with NPCs. Connie and Amethyst will likely be pulling their weight more in combat.” Steven smiled and shrugged. “Ok, your turn to roll, Schtu-ball.”

“Okay.” He picked up his dice and gave them a toss.

“Connie, do you have your spell list finished?” Greg asked.

“Yes sir.” She answered. “But I had a question about equipment. Warlocks only start with simple weapons and light armor, and I won’t be as well equipped for the role my character is filling without some more gold. Are we only working with the starting equipment?”

“Well, ya’ll are level two, so I think we can make you guys a little richer than you started with.” Greg answered, flipping to the chart and setting it in front of her. “So in addition, we can do the table on the wealth by class but halved. I think most of you getting a hundred extra gold would be too much in the opposite direction.”

“So, I would roll the 4d4 but multiply it by 5 instead of 10?” Connie asked.

“You got it,” Greg answered, shooting her a finger gun, and dropping two d4s in front of her.

“Hook a gem up, Greg.” Amethyst said. “How many d4 do I roll?”

“2 d4, multiplied by 5. That would be a minimum of 10 and a max of 40.” Greg replied. Connie gave her 4 dice a shake and dropped them into her dice tower.

“Oh good. 11. So that makes 55 gold on top of my 5 from hermit and starting equipment.” Connie said.

“I’m open to letting you sell what you’re not using before all your characters meet.” Greg interjected. Amethyst dice clicked lightly on the table.

“I got 5. So 25 extra gold for me.” Amethyst said.

“Pick yourself up an extra weapon or two, and probably a shield, Amethyst. It’ll come in handy.” Greg replied.

“Okay so I got 17,14,12,8,12,14.” Steven jumps in.

“That’s a little low, but with your racial bonuses and placement in the right stats you’ll be fine.”

“So 12 Strength, 14 in Dex and Con, Intelligence of 8, Wisdom 12 and 17 Charisma. Tabaxi’s bonus makes Charisma 18 and Dexterity 16.”

“It’s a solid array your party has.” Greg replies. “Now roll your 5d4 for your extra money.” Greg hands the teen the pyramid shaped dice he retrieved from Connie and Amethyst earlier, and turns to Connie. “Have you decided your alignment, Connie?”

“Yeah, I still think True Neutral fits best.” She answers. “I have most of my character traits nailed down, and I think that’s what makes the most sense.”

“You know your character best,” Greg replies. “Your turn to measure your wealth, Schtu-ball,” With a quick toss, the dice lay out Steven’s fortune.

“Dad, I made out like a bandit,” Steven preened with a smile. “14 times 5 which is 70. I wanna buy a pony.”

“Hold your horses there, kiddo.” Greg replied. “Some of that money’s gotta go toward outfitting your band.”

“Huh?” Steven said, face puzzled.

“I never said that you were going to get your trio’s instruments for free, did I?” Greg asked, smiling slyly.

“Aw…” Steven mumbled. “Maybe only two of them should play and the other should be our roadie.” Greg chuckled.

“You’ll have to pick out your spells kiddo, but I think we’ve got a solid party here.” Greg replied. “Are there any other burning questions for the group?”

“Nah,” Amethyst answered. Connie shook her head.

“How do you feel about character voices?” Steven asked.

“I’ll probably do some for the important NPCs but you can expect your Joe Schmos to sound like I usually do,” Greg said with a laugh. “As for you three, you’re allowed, just don’t strain yourself or make it sonically unpleasant for everyone else at the table.”

“Anybody seen where they pahked the boat? I was jus in the gahden tryin to chahm a lady afta I hopped off the bow,” Amethyst rattled off in her Bostonian accent, and the teens at the table giggled.

“I hope you can keep that up, Amethyst.” Greg replied. “Afta all, you got do a lotta tawkin’ when ya ain’t brawlin’,” he added, slipping into an Empire city accent.

“Good ‘eavens, das quite enouf-“ Steven started before Connie cut him off.

“No Magic Brian.” She said leaning into him with a smirk.

“Aww…” he replied. “What are you gonna do?”

“Svedish.” She answered. “If my Lady Death vills it.”

“My, my, I do see a fine lookin’ miss with those horns across the bar,” Steven drawled sweetly. “I do declare I must ask for her name and buy the lady a drink,” he continued, southern accent giving him a coy air.

“Vat manner of cveature is ze cat man approaching me?” She asked shyly.

“Ok kids, save it for when we get started.” Greg interrupted.

“Aww man,” Amethyt said, “it was just about to get good, Greg!”

“I know how busy y’all are, but I want to try and make this happen once a month at least.” Greg interjected. “So if we can squeeze a session in next week or the following week, we’ll move forward a few weeks from there.”

“Most of my classes are weekday mornings or afternoons,” Amethyst replied. “So weekends or school nights after 6 are good for me. Thursdays are the only days I’m booked.”

“It depends on the projects I got going on,” Connie added. “Some weeknights I’ve got 3 or 4 nights with open hours, and other weeks I’m so swamped I have to eat at my desk most of the time. I’ll keep you posted once the weekend hits and I bang out my schedule.”

“Whatever day works for you guys, I’ll clear my schedule.” Steven said. “Just give me a couple days’ notice.”

“Ok,” Greg replied. “Good session folks. If anybody has questions about spells or rules, just text me. I got some fun stuff planned…”

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Busts of the Trio:

If you want to see these in fullview, I’ll be posting more on my art blog in the next day or so. Thanks for reading!

#Steven Universe #Steven Universe: Future #su fanfic #Fanfiction #Connie Maheswaran #Greg Universe #Amethyst #connverse #my writing #my precious gem child #Dungeons and Dragons

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