#or a kid who has to get pulled out of everything for nonstop appointments and meetings

[hugepolecat3298]

oh also more about that post i was talking about in the tags of the graduation post: someone in the comments was like ‘yeah its just like a participation trophy for finishing the easiest years of your life’ or something to that idea and like wow youre out of your fucking mind if you think thats an appropriate thing to say to the teenagers who everyone agrees are currently going through a godawful mental health crisis like i hate to break it to you but if you say that to your actual irl students at least one of them will use it as an excuse to genuinely kill themself like that statement isn’t anything but encouraging suicide you’re not funny

[dancingazaleas]

zeke yeager | pta meeting

i literally don’t know how to shut up about him

also this is all because i saw a drabble of dilf!zeke and it’s been on my mind nonstop

warnings/notes: dilf!zeke, fem!reader, cursing, eventual smut, zeke is a divorced/widowed dad(at 33), reader is 21, cursing, zeke has a mean daughter and a sweet daughter, breeding kink, overstimulation, brief choking, slight degradation, shit one shot i’m sorry

you swear to the lord that zeke’s 11 year old daughter is a menace to society.

she’s brutally honest, just like zeke, and mean. she’s oddly mature for her age, and you think it might have something to do with her late mother. she looks almost nothing like zeke, but she certainly inherited her personality from him. she’s got curly dark brown hair that ends at her armpits and zeke’s grey eyes. she has a button nose along with rosy cheeks, something else she inherited from her mother.

“y’know my daddy only dates you cause you take care of me and aloisia,” isolde says to you as she slips on her school shoes.

you feel your eye twitch as you turn to zeke’s other daughter, aloisia, who’s seven and looks exactly like zeke. she’s got his nose, his hair color, and even eye shape. she’s got hazel eyes and a slim face. she’s as bubbly as they come, always greeting people she passes by on the street, always making friends at the park.

“i’m ready,” she holds up her small hand to you, a silent request for you to hold her hand.

“same,” isolde stands up after she swings her back pack onto her back, brushing off the nonexistent dirt on her navy blue skirt.

“zeke, the girls are ready!!” you shout out, taking aloisia into your arms.

zeke comes stumbling out of his bedroom, a white sleep shirt covering his torso and grey sweatpants.

“you’re going in that,” you raise an eyebrow at his attire, “we’re going to a parent-teacher meeting, not the gym.”

“yeah daddy, my teachers are gonna think you’re a bum or something,” isolde snickers.

“i’ll help your dad, go watch tv for a little bit longer,” you chuckle at zeke’s pout and put down aloisia, who runs to the couch.

isolde takes off her backpack and joins her sister on the couch, putting her feet on the coffee table as aloisia puts on avatar: the last airbender.

“i thought the dress code was casual,” zeke furrows his brows as you take his hand and lead him back into his bedroom.

“it is. sweatpants are not casual, they’re lounge wear,” you snicker as he flops onto the bed while you close the door and go into the closet.

you know zeke’s rolling his eyes at you, judging from his silence. you grab ahold of a white button up with light grey vertical stripes on it, trying to picture your boyfriend in the shirt. you shake your head and put it back on the rack, deciding that the default outfit would be best for now. you take a white button up off the hanger and grab a pair of black dress pants from his dresser. you hand him a pair of black loafers to go along with it and some long black socks that would cover up his ankles, you’re so glad you reminded him that they exist. you throw a black belt next to him as well.

“this is boring.”

“zeke, this is a pta meeting, the whole thing will be boring,” you watch him rid himself of his shirt.

“should i wear a tie?”

“no, you’ll look better with one button undone,” you smile as he struggles to balance correctly when he puts on his pants.

he tucks the shirt inside his pants and slips on the belt with ease. he unbuttons a button before he slips on his socks.

“i thought today was my day off,” he smirks at you while you roll up his cuffs a bit.

you roll your eyes and he slips on his shoes. he doesn’t need to do his hair, it’s just effortlessly neat.

“time to go,” you scurry to the front door with the girls following behind you.

“he doesn’t look homeless anymore,” isolde notes when zeke follows you all out of the door.

“not funny,” he huffs while he locks the door behind him and the girls get into the black SUV zeke drives.

you help aloisia buckle herself up in the car seat and then slip into the passenger’s seat next to zeke. he’s grumbling something about ‘uncle eren’ and ‘getting the girls’ as he turns the car on.

————

you try to ignore the women ogling zeke as you all walk down the school hallway. you send isolde off to her class since her meeting is after aloisia’s.

“i hope you’ve been good,” you say to aloisia, who’s holding both your’s and zeke’s hands.

“i have! ms greene says i’m one of the best,” she gloats, and you hope for zeke’s sake that ms greene isn’t bluffing.

you three walk into the second grade classroom, which is empty because you reserved the appointment, only to find the teacher isn’t in there. it only seems to make aloisia more excited as she tugs you and zeke towards the class wall with a bunch of pictures of it.

“look, look!!” she jumps as she points at her’s, “they said to draw our family and she said i did a good job!!”

the picture is a messily drawn family portrait of zeke, isolde, and aloisia.

“you drew (name) very pretty,” zeke smiles at you when you snap your head back to look at the picture in closer detail.

there you are, stick figure holding hands with zeke’s and aloisia with isolde on zeke’s other side. you never expected to be on aloisia’s family portrait, you’d barely been in her life for two years and weren’t exactly motherly. you’re a struggling college student that she occasionally sees crying at the kitchen table with zeke comforting you from behind. she, on very rare occasions, sees you come home, absolutely plastered, with a sober zeke leading you to his room. you’re the woman that wakes her up when you cry on the couch late at night. you were, admittedly, okay with not being seen as their mom.

it wasn’t your place, for so many reasons. one, you didn’t exactly act as a role model. two, you could never replace her mother and would never try. three, zeke never referred to you as such. you’d only ever act like their mother whenever you were in certain situations. but that didn’t mean you didn’t want them to see you as a maternal figure.

it made you want to cry, but luckily you didn’t. you just smile at the picture and pat aloisia’s head in approval.

“you did do a very good job,” you smile down at her and before you can give her a hug, you notice a woman walking into the room.

“oh, you must be zeke yeager, aloisia’s dad! i’m ms greene,” her face flushes while she holds out her hand for him to shake.

“yea, that’s me. it’s nice to meet you,” he shakes her hand.

she turns to you, “oh my goodness, i didn’t know aloisia and isolde had an older sister!”

“no, she’s my girlfriend of two years,” zeke chuckles uncomfortably.

“i’m (name), nice to meet you,” you wave your hand, “i’m just here to keep an eye on aloisia while you two talk.”

zeke and her go to a table in the corner of the room and aloisia drags you towards a bookshelf.

thirty minutes of aloisia rambling about her favorite book go by seemingly quick, and you watch as she cheers when her classmates walk into the room. zeke’s walking towards you, holding a thumbs up with a cocky smile, for whatever reason.

you kiss aloisia goodbye, who doesn’t seem too fazed, and head towards isolde’s classroom. you hold hands with zeke while swinging them back and forth while he repeats everything the teacher’s said to him.

“i can’t believe my little girl’s at a third grade reading level,” he exclaims, “that vocabulary studying did wonders!!”

“you should thank me since i was the one who studied with her cause she asked about my assignments for class,” you taunt and laugh when zeke pulls you closer by the shoulder.

that’s how the two of you walk into isolde’s classroom. she’s sitting at a table with her teacher, miss dunst, and fidgeting with her thumbs anxiously. she’s covering half of her face with her hair. with the one eye you can see it looks puffy and her cheeks are red, as if she’d been crying.

it has both you and zeke rushing to sit down on both side of her, zeke asking miss dunst what happened while you tend to isolde.

“hey, why are you crying,” you’re squatting by her chair and you reach to brush the hair out of her face.

when you see her other eye, you gasp out at the black eye starting to form on her eye.

“oh my god, zeke, look at her face!!”

“that is what i wanted to speak about with you. isolde has been getting bullied by some of her classmates. today, a little girl hit her after isolde defended herself while they argued,” the poor woman looks sad watching you and zeke check isolde for more wounds.

“why has she been bullied? she’s not mentioned this to me or (name),” zeke asks while examining her eye more closely.

“well, during the first day of school, isolde introduced herself and told the class about her family. she mentioned you, mr yeager, and her sister. the kids asked about her mother before i could stop them and she was honest with them and said that she had passed. she then said that she still, in a way, had a mother. your girlfriend, mr yeager.

“i asked her occupation, to which isolde said a college student. the kids got loud but i managed to quiet them down, and i thought it was the end of that. after that, her classmates started to pick on her verbally about your age gap and her late mother. i didn’t find out about it until this morning when isolde was hit,” miss dunst frowns as she explains.

before zeke could open his mouth, you speak up, “i’m the girlfriend, (name). i am hoping that these children will be punished accordingly and that their parents be notified. if this has really been going on all year like you say, then at this point their parents should be involved.”

“of course! i’m giving all of their parents a call after classes today. the little girl who hit her is sitting down with the principal right now, so she should be safe if you two would like her to stay at school.”

“give us a moment,” you smile kindly, which she returns, and walks to her desk to give you ‘privacy’.

“isolde, why didn’t you tell your daddy or i about what was going on,” you ask while she hugs zeke.

she peeks her head out of his chest, “didn’t want to seem weak.”

“why would you be worried about that,” zeke asks.

“after mom died, you were always so sad and stressed. i thought that if i was strong, you would be happier,” she explains shakily.

“isolde, look at me,” you put a hand on her knee, “you were six years old when your mommy died. six year olds shouldn’t know how to accurately take care of themselves, it’s why your daddy was there. i’m sure your daddy appreciated the effort, but i promise you that all he wanted you to be was his happy little girl. you don’t need to be strong at 11 years old, and you don’t need to be strong all the time. like you said, your daddy was sad when your mom died. it didn’t make him weak, it made him a person. and that’s what you are; a person. a little person.”

she sniffles and nods at you, “people can’t do everything by themselves. i’m sorry if we made it feel like you couldn’t tell us, and it’s totally understandable that you felt that way.”

zeke hums in agreement, “we love you, baby. so much.”

“love you too,” she mumbles with a small smile.

“do you want to stay at school,” zeke asks, he didn’t want to force her into a situation where she didn’t want to be.

“i have a math test later, don’t wanna miss it,” she sighs, now looking up at you.

“(name)...?”

you tilt your head while you wait for her answer.

“i’m sorry i’ve been so mean to you. everyone was making fun of me and called it weird, so i guess i wanted to believe that too,” your heart warms whenever she looks away shyly.

great, now zeke’s horny from seeing you act motherly.

————

ever since you and zeke had stepped off school campus, one of his hands was always touching you. it didn’t matter where, zeke was shameless.

even as you unlock the door to the his house, he has his chest pressed against your back and his arms wrapped around your waist. his lips are kissing softly at your neck and his hands are shamelessly groping at your boobs.

“zeke, what is up with you,” you laugh whenever you open the door, kicking off your shoes immediately.

“horny,” he admits, swiftly following after you and locking the door behind himself.

“what about this morning made you horny,” you ask shyly while you sit on the couch.

zeke’s buttons are halfway undone and his belt is somewhere on the floor. he squeezes in behind you, once again pressing his chest against your back.

“acting maternal, i guess,” his beard tickles the back of your neck as he kisses it.

“is this why you told isolde it was okay if she wanted to stay at school,” you snicker at his fingers pulling your shirt over your head.

“why else,” he scoffs, “my only day off in a while and i’m horny. sounds like a deal.”

you whimper whenever he starts biting at your neck and when his large hands slip under your bra.

“zeke, if we’re gonna do it on the couch, can i at least lay on my back,” you ask while zeke unclips your bra.

without a word, he’s thrown you onto the couch on your back and climbing on top of you seconds later. your hands quickly unbutton the rest of his shirt, pushing it halfway off of his body.

zeke throws the shirt onto the floor and kisses you, hands running up and down your torso. he pulls away to kiss and suck at your neck while his hands grope at your tits. you’re stuck between laughing and moaning at zeke’s beard dragging against your neck.

his mouth trails down to your tits, mouth attaching to your left tit while he continues to grope your right one. you let out a moan whenever he tweaks your nipple with his right hand and bites softly at your left nipple.

he pulls away from your chest, tugging off your pants and panties in frustration. it leaves you laughing and assisting him. whenever your pants do come off, he throws them to the ground and spreads your legs.

“zeke, they’re not opening too far, we’re on a couch,” you note, but soon stand corrected as zeke grabs your ankle and puts it on the back of the couch.

“nevermind,” you snicker at his cocky smirk, as if he’d done something amazing.

your other leg hangs off the couch, leaving you spread open for zeke. zeke spreads open your glistening folds with thumbs and gives a mindful lick up to your clit. after realizing that his beard is not rubbing against you uncomfortably, he dives in like it’s a pool, which he thinks it is because of how wet you are.

his mouth his sucking on your clit vigorously, as if he were a man starved. you’re moaning wantonly as he suddenly ups the speed. how did he even go that fast, you have no clue, but either way you enjoy it. your back in arching off of the couch and your toes are curling as zeke starts bringing you closer to an orgasm.

“zeke!! i’m... i’m gonna come,” you tug at his hair as your legs start to convulse and close around his head.

he only goes faster, and you wonder to yourself if zeke is powered by batteries or something. but the thought is quickly shut off whenever you finally orgasm, moaning out in ecstasy and throwing your head back against the couch cushions.

zeke slows down his pace, helping you ride through your orgasm. he pulls away whenever you’ve calmed down, fingers immediately pressing at your tight entrance.

“zeke... i-i’m too sensitive,” your complaint goes ignored as two of zeke’s fingers are suddenly inside of you.

“don’t care, deal with it,” he huffs as his fingers stretch you out.

with his other hand, his thumb is rubbing at your puffy clit at the same time of his fingers curling inside of you. your hips buck up with a mewl and zeke chuckles at the sight. unlike last time, he’s moving his tantalizingly slow.

his fingers curl once more, rubbing against the spongy part inside of you sweetly. you buck your hips up again at the contact and curl your toes whenever zeke starts abusing that spot with overwhelming speed. curling his fingers against the spot each time he pistons his fingers in and out of you.

“zeke!!” you come again while moaning his name and he can feel his cock twitch in his pants.

zeke chuckles when he pulls his fingers out, spreading them apart to watch your juices stick together in strings. he plops the fingers in his own mouth, rubbing his other hand up and down your quivering thigh as he pulls away from your sloppy cunt.

he pulls his fingers out of his mouth with an obnoxious ‘pop’ and pulls off his pants and boxers at the same time. he groans at his cock hitting against his lower stomach.

you stare at zeke’s cock. the tip is flushed with a bashful pink and his hair is trimmed nicely against his groin. he’s more girth than he is length, a whopping 6.5 inches, which is something he absolutely gets arrogant about.

“hurry,” you huff while watching zeke fist his cock.

“nah, you gotta beg for it, baby,” the corner of his mouth tugs upwards as he watches you wipe away your tears from the previous orgasm.

“zeke,” you whine and wiggle your hips, “please please please give me your cock. need it so bad.”

he hums thoughtfully, and it already gives you his answer.

“please... i want it so bad, need to be fucked by you,” you pout but perk up at his dismissive shrugging.

“since you want it so bad,” he’s laughing while he puts his right hand on your pelvis and his other on his shaft to enter you.

you gasp at the feeling of him pushing inside of you, grabbing for his, now, free hand. when you catch his hand, you guide it to your bruised neck for him to grasp on. he’s chuckling once again, fingers lightly squeezing against your throat as he continues to push himself in.

he groans whenever he bottoms out, letting go of your neck to grab at your plush thighs. he pushes the towards your chest and thrusts into you shallowly after he spits on his cock buried in your pussy. he hits you deeper than he would’ve before, that much is obvious by your moans raising octaves when he starts to thrust roughly.

your hands reach up to grab the back of his thighs to pull him closer to you than before. he’s groaning at the feeling of your pussy squeezing onto him each time he pulls out and thrusts back into you.

“fuck... zeke!!” you cry and throat your head back.

“fuck,” he grunts, “you’re so fuckin’ tight. even after how much i fuck this pretty little cunt each week.”

his words make you whimper and squeeze your grip on his thighs, making crescent moons into the skin.

“i’m gonna come... i’m gonna come again,” you pant out, back already starting to arch, “come with me please..!”

he speeds up his thrusts, the sound of his balls slapping against your ass getting increasingly louder as he does so.

“you wanna come with me so badly,” he asks tauntingly while you nod.

“god, zeke, please,” you try to ignore the saliva and tears on your face as you continue to scream out for zeke.

“i’ll give my sweet girl my cum since she asked so nicely,” he’s biting his lip whenever he feels his orgasm getting closer.

“yes! yes! please,” you sound so desperate as your orgasm gets closer, “zeke, please, fuck a baby into me, please..!”

zeke almost comes right then at your pleas, but ends up stilling and adjusting his stance to thrust into you more efficiently. the sudden stop makes you whine but it’s soon interrupted with a gasp as he jackhammers into you harder and faster than before.

“fuckin’ whore, wanting me to fuck a baby into you. to make you a mom. since you asked so nicely, i’ll oblige,” he berates.

“you me to fuck a baby into you? make you a mom?” it has you nodding frantically.

zeke continues to degrade you as you’re orgasm comes rushing towards you, fingers now clawing at his thighs as a signal.

zeke thrusts into you two more times before the two of you manage to orgasm simultaneously. his jackhammering slows into a grind, helping the two of you ride out the euphoria you’ve both just went through.

you whimper whenever he pulls out, uncomfortable at the sudden emptiness in you. he watches his cum start to dribble out of you, telling you to keep your legs up. he scurries off to find a paper towel or something to wipe it up with before it falls onto the couch. you shiver whenever you feel a wet cloth wipe away the dribbling cum.

he’s wiping down your chest and neck as well with a clean side of it after you put your legs down. he carries you off into his bathroom, sitting you on the counter while he readies the shower.

“i can’t believe you said that,” he raises a questioning eyebrow at you while he checks the water’s temperature.

“i wouldn’t mind having your kid,” you shrug and watch him put two towels on the counter next to you.

“i might just give you one, don’t say that,” he jokes as he starts to hug you.

“‘m okay with that,” you sigh and lean into his touch, enjoying his warmth.

“you’re stupid,” he snorts and kisses at your shoulder.

“only for you,” you snuggle your head into his neck with a giggle.

“i love you,” he sighs.

“i love you. enough to have your kids.”

maybe in a few hours when you weren’t bathing in the afterglow, zeke would bring it up to you.

[evanstanwrites]

The CEO -1-

The beginning and the end?

summary:  y/n Photographer meets James Bucky Barnes CEO of White Wolf Industry, they fall head over heels for each other. But Bucky has many secrets, will she find out who or what he really is? And more so will she accept it or will she run as far as she can when she finds out?

A/N: based on elements of an rp with the lovely @loricameback​

A/N: proofreaded by my favo kiwi: @pawfect-melody​ 

moodboard below by @imanuglywombat​

warnings: mostly fluff and a small bit of angst at the end

The CEO masterlist

y/n couldn't believe her eyes when she saw the email. She had walked into her small studio office early this morning with her favorite Starbucks drink and a breakfast snack in her hands. She was first to arrive, even if the only other person working with her was Mia. y/n had opened her own photo studio only last year after being stuck at an office job for her entire working life. She hated the job but it paid well so she was able to save a good amount of money, only needing to take out a small loan with the banks so she could finally achieve her big dream: owning her own studio and being a freelance photographer. Mia helped her mostly with the business side of things and managing appointments, she was a godsend most of the time and one of her best friends. 

After setting her stuff down on her desk she was actually surprised Mia wasn’t there yet, Mia was usually the first to arrive and layers deep in work by the time she arrived.

Just when y/n sat down and started up her laptop Mia burst into the room with one of the biggest smiles on her face.   

“good you’re already here,” she says as she drops her stuff on her own desk. "Have you read the emails already?" 

"No, I just arrived myself but I was planning on checking them right now." She said as she opened the email app and scrolled through the new mails. "I already checked them last night from home. There is one, in particular, that is very interesting and I think is one of the best opportunities we have ever gotten. Scratch that it is the best." Mia rambles on like a kid with ADHD. Y/n pulled up the email she was talking about and began to read. 

Dear miss y/l/n,

I write to you on behalf of the White Wolf industry, seeing as our company has started a new campaign we see it necessary to complete this with media attention as well. Our CEO Mr. James Barnes has recently had an interview with the New York Times magazine and in addition to the interview will require professional photographers. Mr. Barnes personally requested your employment in this task if you so wish to accept. 

Contact our office on (000-000-000) to arrange a time and a place which best suits yours and Mr.Barnes needs. 

We look forward to your swift reply.

Sincerely,

White Wolf Industry 

Y/n couldn't believe her eyes as she reread the email over and over again. 

"Is this for real or am I dreaming Mia?" Y/n asked amazed

"It's real." Mia squealed enthusiastically "this is gonna be your big breakthrough y/n, THE James Barnes, CEO of the biggest company in New York and you're going to take his picture. Not to mention that he’s smoking hot"

Bucky had been working for many hours when Steve knocked on his open office door, entered and shut it behind him. 

“Buck, tell me you're only just in and haven’t been here all morning” Steve said as he sat down in front of Bucky’s desk knowing well enough that wasn’t the case. 

“ Seems like you already know the answer to that question, Stevie” Bucky said without looking up from his laptop.

“Man, you’re gonna kill yourself overworking. Did you forget this is only a front and you actually don’t have to do all that work by yourself, you’ve people working for you, you know.” 

Bucky only rolled his eyes not really responding to that, what kind of mob boss would he be if he didn’t play the part of the front that protected his true job and the people who were working for him. 

“So you take on the collecting rounds today, take Sam with you, I don’t want him around when miss Y/l/n arrives.” he said and Steve chuckles “Yeah I’ll take him wouldn’t want you to miss your shot.” 

Of course Bucky had looked the woman up when he came across her work, her work was amazing and he felt like he had to get to know her, meet her in person, so he looked up everything he could find out about her. So when the opportunity occurred and he needed his pictures taken for an interview he had done he immediately demanded her.

“Okay get going now, I pay you to work not to sit around and make fun of me.” Bucky barks only half-joking. 

Y/n didn’t know why she was nervous, maybe because this could be her biggest breakthrough or the fact that after she had called to make the appointment, now a week ago, she had looked up more information about Mr. Barnes. She hadn’t found out much other than the standard information about the company he was CEO of and a picture of a man with a buzzcut, sharp cheekbones and the deepest blue eyes you could drown in. 

Y/n took a few deep breaths after she had parked her car in the underground parking lot, Mia had called in sick that morning so she would have to face this job alone today. But just as she got out of her car a beautiful young woman walked towards her and greeted her with a smile. Apparently she was Mr. Barnes’s assistant, Sophie and she was tasked with greeting and helping her with anything she might need. 

so that’s how an hour later she found herself in an empty conference room, tables pushed to the side and equipment set up with the help of Sophie. 

“Thank you so much for all the help setting up.” y/n says to her as she leads her through the hallway till she stops in front of two beautiful wooden carved doors, clearly this was Mr. Barnes’s office and she would finally meet him. Sophie knocked on the door, entered and announced y/n’s arrival.

“Well don’t let her stand there let her in” she heard his warm voice call out before Sophie stepped out of the way and motioned for her to walk in. When she did she had to make sure that her mouth didn’t fall open, god he’s even more gorgeous in person and Mia was totally right he looks like sex on legs in his black fitted suit with no tie, leaving a bit of his chest and the small golden chain visible.  

“Miss Y/l/n, please come in” he says with a smile as he stands up to greet her and waved his hand to one of the chairs in front of his desk. As soon as she stepped deeper into his office the doors behind her closed and she was left alone with the hunk of a man. “It’s nice to meet you miss y/l/n, I’ve been looking forward to working with you” he says holding his hand out for her to shake. y/n walks deeper into the office and takes his offered hand, ‘wow his hands are so soft and warm, god I bet they’d feel amazing in other areas’ she thought to herself but had enough self-control to say “the pleasure is all mine, Mr. Barnes, I can’t say thank you enough for this opportunity.” 

“Please call me Bucky” he says while giving her one of his brightest smiles, making her want to melt in a puddle at his feet.

“Well only if you call me y/n.”

“You got yourself a deal” he says as they both sit down on the chairs in front of his desk. The conversation flowed easily between them, at first, it mainly stayed with professional talk but as time went on it started to feel more like two friends talking and the conversation also turned in that direction. It seemed like they had only been talking a few minutes when Sophie had knocked on the door to remind Bucky of his lunch reservation in the bistro downstairs. He had thanked her and invited y/n to join him during lunch under the claim of a work lunch but they both know work wouldn’t be the subject of conversation. As predicted their work lunch turned out actually more like a lunch date seeing as they both didn’t hold back the flirting that went on between them. 

Once lunch was over they both fell back into their professional self and they started the actual photoshoot, she had to admit he was a very easy model and one hell of a photo genetic man, like could this man ever be in a bad photo?  Once she had enough pictures she started to clean up her stuff together with Bucky’s help, which he offered himself not taking a no for an answer, but sadly it didn’t last long because once again Sophie came in to remind him of an appointment, this time for what seemed an important meeting. 

Bucky said goodbye to her with a sweet kiss to her cheek and a promise to get in touch with her later on.  

Later on turned out to be just half an hour later, just as y/n had arrived back at her office when a text message arrived on her phone.

“Thank you for today sweetheart, I had a real good time getting to know you and I know for sure those pictures will turn out to be amazing ;-). x Bucky”

‘How the hell did he get my phone number? I don’t remember giving it to him’ she thought but blushing as she read the pet name before shrugging to herself and typing her response.

“Well with a model like you I’m totally sure of that, there is not one bad picture I took of you. I had a blast working with you :-)” 

“I’m glad you think so sweetheart. Would you like to have dinner with me?”

of course she accepted and it turned out to be a regular occurrence and they went out for lunch or dinner almost every two days. When they weren’t together they were texting or calling each other, after two weeks she felt like she had known him all her life, she had never felt a connection like that with someone before and before she actually really realized it she was falling for him, hard. In week three their flirting was almost nonstop so she thought to herself that he had to feel the same way if he kept asking her out and flirted with her like that. She decided that she had to say something, she had to tell him how she felt, she wanted to know where they stood and if this was going somewhere. 

So that evening when he picked her up for dinner she asked for him to come in for a minute.

“Everything alright sweetheart, is there something wrong?” he asked as he sat down in front of her on her couch.

“No there is nothing wrong, I just wanted to talk to you about something important” she said clearly nervous making him worry a bit. He shuffled forward so he could take her hands in his running his thumbs over her skin trying to give her the comfort she apparently needed to say what she clearly wanted to tell him. “You know you can tell me anything sweetheart” to which she nodded before taking a deep breath. “I’m falling for you, hard. And I wanted you to know because I feel like maybe there is a chance you might feel the same and I wanted to know where we stood. Like is there even an us?” she rambled luckily he stopped her with just a look, a big smirk on his face. “Sweetheart, of course there is an us. I’m head over heels for you.” 

And before she knew it he had her on his lap, lips and tongues entangled with each other in a passionate embrace, their dinner date clearly forgotten as they had only want for each other.

Being in a relationship with Bucky Barnes felt like the best thing that had happened to her, he always made sure she felt loved and cared for, he gave her his full attention whenever they were together, even sent her flowers every few days. He made her happy and she could only hope that she made him as happy too. But after a while, things started to feel off. There were times that he’d be very secretive about either his job or things he did in his free time whenever they weren’t together, like where he’d go every Wednesday and be totally unreachable. She felt like there were things he kept from her, things he never wanted her to find out. Thoughts started to run through her mind from the stupidest things to the thought that maybe she wasn’t his only girlfriend that maybe he was cheating on her?

A part of her questions got answered on a Wednesday afternoon when she was taking pictures for a job in a park not far away from Bucky’s office. She was taking pictures of all the different kinds of flowers and plants when suddenly a man walked through her line of view, Bucky. But he wasn’t alone, what seemed to be a four year old was sitting on his arm with her arms holding him tightly around his neck and a stuffed monkey in her hand as she giggled at something he said to the little girl that oddly looked a lot like him. From their interaction, you could easily see he loved the little girl dearly, it was obvious to her that this must be his daughter. But why didn’t he tell her that he had a little girl? Then she started thinking about all the other things he held back from her and started to tear up at her conclusion, how could he do this to her, to anyone actually. She had to end this, she had to end her relationship with Bucky Barnes, clearly a married man with a daughter.

tags:

@marvelgirl7​ @imanuglywombat​ @loricameback​ @aesthetical-bucky​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @huskygreatdane  @cap-just-said-language​ @sebastianstans-girl​ @seasaurusrrex​ @lolabean1998​

[kingsuckjin]

The Enigma of Bunny |Pt. 11

Pairing: Jungkook, Yoongi, Jimin, Seokjin, Taehyung x reader featuring Namjoon and Hobi

Genre: mystery, thriller? Idk anymore.

Synopsis: You find a very sick young man in an alley and out of the bottomless barrel of kindness that is your heart, you decide take him home. Only then do you realize this stranger doesn’t speak, but that’s not the only strange thing about him by far. Who is he? Where did he come from? What happened to him? And why can’t he remember anything or even speak?

Warnings: None

Words: 4.5k

Prev // Next

➡My Masterlist

"So, the school definitely wouldn't be open right now- so here's what I have so far." Yoongi looked down at his phone as you sat in the driver's seat watching him and ready to listen to the information he had taken down so far. "Bunny was a trainee. He lived with his group. Went to an art school and juggled a night job. He was a happy kid until about a year before everything he began acting strange, depressed, he kept to himself, had to have had the girlfriend by then if she knew him well enough to supposedly help him through his family's death, he was on his phone a lot, probably with her. 'He had to call her all the time' those were the group guy's words, that's fucking weird but anyway... he got really bad after his family's death, seemed to cling to this weird Amanda girl, he cried a lot, showed up to work with cuts and then quit everything all at once, he didn't even show up to pick up his last check. There's two things I think we should do, the first being come back tomorrow and talk to maybe a professor and also talk to the police back home." Yoongi read off what he had typed up on his phone.

"Yoongs, I'm not driving all the way back here just to-"

"Call them you dummy. Call the school and see what you can find out." Yoongi interrupted you along with an added eye roll.

"I think we should go straight to the police, honestly this is getting weird." You admitted with a stressed sigh and ran your fingers through your hair..

"Oh so you believe my crazy theories now?" Yoongi tilted his head as he looked at you as if to say I told you so. But it was all beginning to dawn on you that his crazy theory could be right after all, you had never had a good feeling when thinking about where Jungkook was now, but you just couldn't fathom one of Yoongi's theories being right.

"It's not about who’s right and wrong, I just have a terrible feeling. I've- I've had it for a while now- I- I just didn't think it could be true..." You did, you had this strange sinking feeling in your gut that just wouldn't go away and it had only worsened as time went on. "Why didn't anyone see all this weird stuff and go to the police initially?! Why did no one care?!" You went off in frustration, pounding at the steering wheel as you drove.

"It's not that no one cared or didn't see it, it was the same reasons you had. Probably no one believed creepy shit could happen to someone they knew. See, everyone always sees this kind of stuff on the news to people they don't know, never to them or the people they care about so when it does happen it's probably hard to recognize the signs. But this does happen, it could happen to anyone." He explained

"What though? What exactly are we talking about here? What happened to him?" You asked feeling your hands already shaking. You just wanted him to confirm it one more time, to say it out loud again so it was nailed into your head.

"Y/n, I think he's been taken." The words made you feel sick. You began to sob uncontrollably and Yoongi made you pull over. You couldn't help but imagine Jungkook chained up around his wrist in the dark like he had explained in his dream once before.

"Oh god Yoongi, please don't say that." You wailed but he was was already leaned across the car console holding you.

You had let him go so long he could already be... you didn't want to think about that. Guilt ran through you as you thought about how you had made him go back, possibly to his captor. Your sweet Bunny might be somewhere hurting and dark and cold. That would mean he wasn't lying about coming back, he just couldn't.

"It will be alright, let's hope it's not true and just keep looking." Yoongi told you gently.

You waited until you your tears slowed down and dried your damp cheeks with your sleeve before beginning the trip back home. It was a long, quiet drive. You knew that when you get back you'd probably end up staying on Yoongi's sofa like you have the past few days. You hadn't really wanted to stay at your place alone because of Jimin, the psycho down stairs, the break up and now all of this. You felt like life was really starting to eat you alive and it was probably your own stupid fault.

The next morning after you woke up on Yoongi's sofa and he made you coffee, you headed home to have a moment to yourself to process all of this and make a decision as to what to do here. you sat there on your sofa staring at your phone on the table just thinking about it all.

This whole thing seemed just too much for you and Yoongi to handle, you weren't professionals, you weren't police, you weren't really detectives and this was not a game. Not only that, but you felt like time was ticking away, maybe every moment mattered.

You picked up your phone off the coffee table and made the call.

"Seoul police department." A vaguely familiar voice answered.

"I was wondering if I could speak to detective Namjoon?" Your voice cracked from nervousness a little but you cleared it and tried to push it aside.

"He's not here but can I take a message for when he gets back?" You could almost swear you had heard this officer's distinct voice before but you couldn't recall the name.

"Uh yeah tell him its y/n, y/l/n from-"

"Ohhh! Y/n or noona, I remember you. This is officer Jung, from the day you came to pick up that Jeon boy. I worked with detective Kim Namjoon on that case. Is there something I could help you with?" You now instantly remembered the cheerful officer.

"You did? That's great, then yeah there might be. Were you there when Jungkook’s girlfriend picked him up?" You asked. Was it okay to ask something like this? Did it go against some sort of confidentiality? Should you have even asked?

"Unfortunately not, we left it to the other officers, we really didn't feel the need to be there for that. Why?" He seemed curious now. You felt nervous about this and you were sure that he would just think you were crazy, but you had to do something.

"I think there's a problem."

"What kind?" He replied immediately.

"You're not going to believe me but... I was concerned."

You went on to explain everything, absolutely everything from the psychologist appointment to what the people who knew him had said.

His next words startled you.

"Do you think you could come down here? Detective Kim should be here by the time you get here. This is... it's rather strange." Officer Jung actually sounded like he might believe you.

After the phone call you got dressed but as you did so your phone began to ring nonstop. You picked it up and let out a groan at the word "boss" across the screen. You rid yourself of the annoyance in your voice and the slight fear of getting yelled at by this man for not working, and answered the phone.

"Hel-" your words were cut off by his stern, deep voice.

"Why have you not been answering my calls and texts?"

"I-I-uh…" you fumbled for an excuse.

"What more could you want from me? I've given you everything I could think of and you still refuse to do your job and you ignore me."

At his words a spark of bravery ignited inside of you.

"Frankly, Taehyung, you can take your job and shove it." You thought it would feel good to just say it, but unfortunately that spark of bravery had already abandoned you and died leaving you with nothing but nervousness.

"Is that so?" His voice seemed calm and almost amused by your little outburst. "If this is your resignation from your job then I don't accept, if you really want to quit then come see me and we can talk it over, if not, you're still employed by me and I'd appreciate it if you answer your calls and texts."

"Yes sir." You replied in defeat.

"Listen, I don't care how busy you are or what's going on in your life. When I reach out to you, you make yourself un-busy, you owe it to me, got it? I'm the single most important thing to you from here on out, understood?" His voice was firm and you could just envision him giving you that cold look of his.

"Yes sir." You replied with your voice far weaker than before.

"Good. Something needs to be done about this and we will be meeting before the week is over, I'll be in contact." And with that, the call ended.

You had a seat on the side of your bed for a moment to collect yourself until you decided to put the call behind you at least for now until you did what you needed to do right now, and that was to go to the police station.

You felt like you couldn't do it alone right now and decided that maybe Yoongi would be useful being there to so you headed right back to Yoongi's apartment and you didn't even have to beg for him to get dressed out of his pajamas at noon and come with you.

Officer Jung and detective Kim were already waiting for you when you and Yoongi arrived. Nothing was said, making you think that officer Jung had already filled detective Kim in on your story. They led you both into a small, basic white room with four chairs and a tape recorder on the rickety looking plastic topped table.

"Do either of you mind if we record this?" Detective Kim asked and you and Yoongi both shook your heads and had a seat across from them. He clicked a button on the recorder and a red light came on.

"Alright now, just start from the beginning, officer Jung has already explained everything to me but I just need it for the recording just in case this might be something very serious like you are insinuating." You were once again stunned and left wondering why and how they believed you when these accusations were even hard for you to believe.

"How much from the beginning?" You asked and looked between the serious faced officer and detective.

"To when and how you met Jungkook, I need to know everything from both of you." Detective Kim looked at you and Yoongi.

You both nodded.

"This is Sargent Jung Hoseok and Detective Kim Namjoon from the Seoul police department and we are here with Y/N Y/l/n and-"

"Min Yoongi." Yoongi replied.

"Go ahead." Detective Kim looked at you again with a reassuring smile which did nothing to settle your nerves.

You started from the beginning telling the whole story with Yoongi occasionally adding comments, and both the police officer and detective asking questions.

You had been interviewed for hours giving every detail you could, when you felt your phone going off in your pocket.You ignored it and tried to stay focused on what was being asked next, but it was hard when your phone just kept letting out little vibrations in your pocket.

"Now, this is a personal question, but we have to know everything." Detective Kim said "Did you and Jeon Jungkook ever sleep together or were you ever involved romantically during any point when he was with you?"

"Yes." You replied and swallowed hard but no one in the room seemed to bat an eye at your confession.

"When was this?" Officer Jung now asked.

"The night before he left." You let out a sigh after your reply.

"Did he say anything strange to you during that time? Did you two sleep together or did you just share your feelings with each other?" The detective asked.

You swallowed your nervousness once again as your hands shook a little. Why was talking about this so hard on you? You wiped your sweaty hands on your jeans and just left there on your thighs.

"Both. We slept together and he told me he loved me, I said it back. I guess all of that time together just... it made us close." You tried to reason why everything that night happened.

"That seems reasonable." Namjoon gave a confirming nod along with his words that helped urge you to speak more.

"He also left me a note for me to read after he left." You added, knowing you should mention it.

"Do you have the note?" Officer jung asked raising a brow at you, you could tell it had peaked his interest.

You pulled the note out of your bag and Yoongi gave you a weird look so you explained as you laid it on the table.

"I figured I might need it when you asked me to come down." You shrugged as the detective picked it up.

"May I read it? Out loud for the recording?"

"Yes." You replied to the detective who unfolded it and then began to read, making your cheeks feel hot.

"Y/n.

Please don't be sad. I understand that you just wanted to do the right thing. You wanted me to see if I loved her and you wanted me to find out who I am, but I promise you I'll be back soon. It hurts to leave, it's scary, I hate it, but it's okay, we'll both be okay until I'm home again. I only say I'll be back because I know there's no way I could love someone as much as you, find someone as giving and caring as you. Just hold tight for me for the next few days and I'll come home to you.

-love,

Your Bunny"

"So we now have it in writing that he promised he would be back." Officer Jung said. "That's important as proof of intent on returning."

"Y/n, do you have any enemies or stalkers or maybe ex-boyfriends that might not like the idea that he was staying with you?" Namjoon asked "I know you think it could be this Amanda girl, but what about on your end? I just want to be through."

"I just got out of a relationship and the guy and I kept running into each other before hand and he even met Jungkook but I don't think he would..."

"What was his name?" Detective Kim asked right away.

"Kim Seokjin, but as I said-" you wanted to argue that he was a nice guy, that he would never want to hurt anyone but in your paranoid mind you were now seeing everyone as potential suspects.

"Just trying to be thorough." The detective reminded.

"Jimin." Yoongi said out of nowhere catching everyone's interest.

"Park Jimin, your stalker. Or even your boss, he's rich and evil enough to do something horrible like this."

"Tell us about them." Officer Jung told you. "And it's important to remember to tell us if you were romantically involved with them and how."

You began to sweat even harder. How were you even supposed to talk about what happened with your boss? You looked to Yoongi beside you, as if to curse him for even bringing it up but when you did you felt a hand take yours under the table.

"It's okay, I've got you. No one is going to judge you here." Yoongi said softly and both the detective and officer agreed.

You didn't want to, but you told them everything and hoped Taehyung wouldn't find out about it.

As they had promised, no one in the room seemed to judge you as you told them everything about your boss, Jimin and Jin.

Office Jung and Detective Kim said that they'd look into the potential suspects, and talk to Jungkook’s former group, bar, and even the school and update you with any news.

But that wasn't enough for you. When you and Yoongi got back out to your car an overwhelming feeling of frustration and helplessness ignited in you and you once again found yourself sitting in your car with Yoongi looking at you expectantly, waiting for you to burst and spill your thoughts, and you did.

"There has to be something more I can do." You sighed.

"I don't think there is. The police can handle it from here, they can do more than we could." Yoongi told you as if that were supposed to stop this suffocatingly helpless feeling you had bubbling away in you.

"So what now? I just wait?" You said it with slight anger at this now being out of your hands. You didn't regret going to professionals but it felt so out of your control now and you hated the feeling.

"Pretty much." He shrugged.

"I can't do that... I've already waited too long! What if he's hurt?! what if hes-" you began to feel panicked and trapped from feeling so helpless, your eyes began to water up.

"Y/n." Yoongi interrupted you with a firm voice "it's best not to think about that right now. You did the right thing by going to them and they took it seriously. I'm sure they'll find him."

You closed your eyes, laying your head back against the headrest and took a deep breath to calm you but snapped your eyes open at the feeling your phone go off once more.

"Who the fuck is-" you had already taken out your phone but reading the name alone on the texts was enough to stop your sentence.

"Stop cursing, it's unlike you." Yoongi scolded but you were too deep in reading the texts to reply to him. He had most likely seen your lack of reply and eyes glued to your phone and finally took notice.

"What?"

You began to read some texts out loud to him.

"Jin: I'm so sorry, I didn't think things through before just leaving like that a few days ago. I was stupid. I thought about it and realized you would never do anything like that."

"Jin: will you please forgive me, baby?"

"Jin: I love you and I feel so guilty for leaving. I'll make it up to you if you let me."

"Jin: please reply, its breaking my heart. I just love you so much."

"Jin: you forgive me don't you baby?"

"What the heck?" You said in confusion.

"What? He misses you." Yoongi shrugged.

"Can you believe this guy? It's been four days and he thinks calling me baby and saying he loves me will somehow-" your confusion had turned to annoyance upon thinking about it.

"Wait." Yoongi paused and you looked at him in the now momentarily silent car as he looked to be thinking. "He told you he loves you? When did you two start saying that to each other? I thought we had a conversation about that not too long before the whole incident where you told me he hadn't said it yet and you didn't know if you were ready to." Yoongi seemed puzzled but so were you.

"Exactly. I think he thinks telling me now will get me back or something." You said with a scoff.

"And why is he calling you baby? I've been around you two enough to know he calls you cutie or lamb chop or cupcake." Yoongi pointed out.

"I don't know what he's thinking."

"Well either way you're not supposed to mention to anyone the police investigation so don't do that if you decide to take the idiot back." Yoongi, leaned back in the passenger's seat, crossed his arms and huffed.

"I know, I know. I just have a lot of stuff going on right now and I can't take him back." Your voice was weak, Jin’s texts had succeeded more than you'd like to admit at planting a tinge of guilt, or a small bit of longing for him in your mind.

"Well tell him that." Yoongi said so you began to try to write out a reply to Jin, but you deleted it and wrote out a new one before erasing that too and deciding on a simple reply. You read your reply to yoongi only after hitting send.

"I do forgive you but I just can't do this right now, Jin. I'm sorry."

Jin's reply back was immediate.

"Let's just talk this over, okay? Just come see me. If you don't want to do this right now then that's okay, I understand, but just come talk to me, baby."

Yoongi was now reading the text over your shoulder making you turn and give him a dirty look before he spoke one word quickly and rather urgently.

"Don't."

"Why?" You asked with your brows furrowed in confusion.

"Somethings not right."

"What? What do you mean? Don't be paranoid, Yoongs."

"I'm not, I just have a bad feeling." He said and you rolled your eyes "have I been wrong yet?"

"I don't know yet."

"Fine. Let's go see Jin. Right now. I'll stay in the car while you talk to him." Yoongi decided for you.

"It could be a while. Look, It will be alright-"

"No, what if it is Jin, huh? What if he was stalking you and that's why you kept running into him like that? You don't know what he's capable of when he's upset. What if he kidnapped Jungkook so he could run into you again and-" Yoongi spewed out his worries that felt like quite a reach to you.

"Yoongi, I've known him forever, he's not like that. Even when he gets upset it's not even that serious." You tried to reason.

"Or what if it's someone else entirely, what if its not even him texting you? Someone who doesn't know he doesn't call you baby?"

"You're being crazy! Why are you so protective over me anyway?! Why are you helping me with all of this when you like me?! What if it's you?! What if you're the only insane one?!" You went off now. You understood all of this made him worried but he was letting it make him paranoid.

"I'm helping you because I'm your friend and I care! I care about your feelings! Yeah, I like you but it doesn't matter because someone is missing and this is all so fucked up and weird! At the end of the day all I want is for you to be happy because you're kind and you've been through enough and you deserve it!" He yelled back.

You paused with your anger and frustration melting away. You stared at him in wide eyed shock until you felt tears in your eyes again.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell and make you…" Yoongi said with sincerity but you shook your head.

"No, I'm sorry. This is all a lot. Not what you said just now, everything, all these-these problems I don't know how to fix." You sniffled.

"I know." He laid a hand on your back for comfort. "But maybe if you go talk to Jin it will help solve maybe one of them."

You nodded.

"You can come with me, it shouldn't take too long." You started your car and gave into his worrying. What he was asking wasn't much, plus you felt bad for calling him crazy.

"What exactly is his address?" Yoongi asked and you told him but of course asked why.

"I don't know, I thought you mentioned he lived the other way across town, my mistake." He muttered while looking at his phone.

"I thought about moving there, those are some really nice apartments but now that... it's over with Jin and I... you know, I don't really want to live next to him."

"Well you don't know that. He seems to know he messed up. Maybe after everything settles down..." he trailed off.

"I-I can't." You admitted.

"I figured. I understand you're still waiting." Yoongi did seem to understand, just like he always did.

"Thank you." You announced before taking another deep and calming breath and to rid yourself of nervousness and worry, not only from everything today, but also from heading over to see your now ex boyfriend to talk.

"For?"

"For being so concerned about me all the time, for helping me every time I need it, for just being there. I know you like me and I'm sorry-" you wanted to try to talk about it, to let him know you hadn't ignored his confession, but he didn't seem to want that.

"No. No, it's no problem. You're kind of the only friend I have and I really don't want to ever mess that up. I've thought about it before and if you did like me and we did end up dating one of us would screw it up because that's honestly what we're good at doing in relationships from what I've noticed, so it's no big deal." He told you.

"I'm- I'm your only friend?" You asked with a bit of a smile.

"Yeah, I'm kind of not a people person in case you haven't noticed." He muttered ad you couldn't help but laugh a little at how true that was.

"That's kind of cute that I'm your only friend." You were now grinning.

"Shut up. I'm your only friend too."

"Oh. Oh yeah." You said in realization.

He then muttered something.

"What?" You asked him wondering of you said what you thought he did.

"I said and I like your polka dot umbrella, its cute! Damn, listen better." He said loudly and defensively.

"I can't when you mutter everything." You said but you laughed at what he had just told you about your umbrella. "I'll get you a matching one for your birthday."

"You better not." He replied dryly but with a hint of a small smile.

The car was silent for a little bit before he spoke again.

"You don't owe him a conversation, he left you like an idiot."

"I know Yoongs, I'd still like to be on good terms with him though. Not a fan of people hating me."

"If we just go home now I'll pay for pizza and let you pick the toppings this time." He offered but you just sighed and shook your head as you drove. "I'm afraid of you getting hurt, not even like me being crazy and accusing him of things, but...emotionally hurt from him again."

"I promise, I'm over it already. I'm over Seokjin." You assured him. "Plus we're almost there anyway, might as well go."

"Alright." Yoongi sighed in defeat.

Taglist:

@rikkafunthepureone @illnevertrustmyselfagain @sam-moss @minyoongi-infiresme @appreciatethefoolishness @sugajinny @loserjeonjk @im-emo-motherfuckers @savanna-1 @bulletproof-points @ddaengyoonmin @adelina1299 @hyungwonopex @jeonsclit @dinorahrodriguez @aaaaamnaaa @wildbeest55 @youraveragealto @weebasaurusrex @amudot @rhayad @m1lktae @arcofpiper @curlykoo @ilvebeenabad @liviaolivia @vampire-jimin @treatpeoplewithkindnesshoe @monsterwoosboo @obeythehemmings @jimintaelove @heyitsayjayy @peachy-bhun @ruinedbyjin @busansgloss @mikaisthicc @kassandravictoria @wifeofkimtaehyungofbts @a-kookie-with-my-tae @nooooooooona @exochanyeoltao @pastel-devil-06 @myownescapetowonderland @aylinruiz18 @madjammil @valleyvictoria @chloefran

[brightstarhoshi]

Say Goodbye for Now

✎ In Collaboration with @froneypupbee​

Chapter 1 [RE-EDITED]

✧ Link to Masterlist ✧ Genre: Angst, Romance, Slice of Life, Melodrama ✧ Word Count: 5k ✧ Summary: Diagnosed with terminal cancer, Mark Lee is met with the heart wrenching truth that he has less than a month to live. His first decision is to face closure with his best friend, Donghyuck, who struggles to accept the reality of their future. What starts out as an early farewell turns into Donghyuck suggesting they spend their last few months together by following Mark’s bucket list from when he was fourteen. As Donghyuck is aware that the list ranges from domestic to insane objectives, there is one item that slightly intrigues him—falling in love.

Mark Lee, at the age of 18, was dying. He’d undergone treatment for a long time, gotten better for a short period of time before his health plummeted and cancer proceeded to spread through his body. He was weaker than ever, physically and emotionally. He thought he’d come to terms with dying, he knew there was a chance of it happening, but he didn’t think it would happen so soon. After his one period of good health, he probably got it into his head that he might’ve actually had the chance of living a fulfilling life. At a point, everyone around him was just as hopeful as he had been. But the golden walls of that false reality came tumbling down to reveal the twisted reality he actually lived in.

Mark Lee learned on May 16th that he only had a few months to live at best and it was more likely than not that a few months could mean only one. He learned that all of the hope and happiness he’d compiled in his short life would end so soon. He had so much he wanted to do, but the time was torn from his hands. He wanted to weep, but the tears wouldn’t come out. He had to keep face in front of his parents and didn’t want to cry in front of the doctor that always told him to stay strong.

The ride home was one of the longest he’d ever experienced. His parents tried to act happy for his sake, but Mark could tell that everything was eating at them as much as it ate at him, but he tried to smile for them. They deserved happiness because he was living a life that would soon end just to devastate those around him. He’d try to make his end easier for them as long as he could.

Upon arriving home, Mark went straight to the only thing that was able to comfort him. The only person more like. He quickly unlocked his phone with hands so shaky he was surprised he could type properly. He opened his messages and a flood of agony swallowed up his mind. Donghyuck was always punctual and knew just how long his usual appointments would last, he’d always made sure to send him a message inquiring about how his appointment went. Mark could bear with what he’d have to tell his friend this time, so he didn’t reply with more than:

‘Come over. Urgent.’

He let his phone fall into his lap as he flopped back onto his bed, struggling to settle himself under the sheets while he awaited a knock from his friend.

Today, the earthy wands of the trees, those limbs that stretch into the sky, bloomed many new buds that decorated themselves in polka-dots. They had shed their winter covers, the layers they sheltered within, and now bravely sought the sun, renewed in its brilliance. This day was too charming to go out with, and instead of taking advantage of it like most would, Donghyuck made the decision to stay indoors and burn a batch of perfectly shaped pastries that Mark would have enjoyed.

Or at least, could have.

He sighed in defeat and paused to admire the flowers outside that blossomed from the windowsill planter. It was a shame—he missed out on the moment to be a part of the transient beauty that the floral aroma released, but now they were poisoned with the overwhelming char of the desserts. He tore the oven mitts from his hands and tossed them onto the kitchen counter, groaning in exasperation as he brought a hand to rub the tension from his temples.

After a few moments of pacing around in the kitchen, Donghyuck’s ears perked up at the sound of an unanticipated whir from the dining table. He followed the sudden interruption and perceived his phone blinking from numerous notifications. It was to be expected, as he often neglected any sort of mobile communication when he was focused on certain tasks. He almost shrugged it off as he thought it could be another text from his coworker asking to take his shift again. However, he immediately swiped his phone from the table when he saw Mark Lee’s name emerged from the rest of the miscellaneous notices, with a message so direct and brief it made his stomach drop.

‘Come over. Urgent.’

Donghyuck’s eyes darted up to the time displayed on the corner of his screen: 3:47.

“Shit…” His jaw clenched rigidly under his breath and he ran a hand through his hair, almost yanking on it. Mark had to have been waiting at home for at least half an hour, and Donghyuck wasn’t supposed to arrive at his door empty-handed. His pacing resumed as he continued to grumble over the failed chocolate chip cookies, convincing himself that he could possibly go for a second attempt the following day. Mark wouldn’t mind the overdue present so long as he still received them.

Donghyuck’s aimless wandering then lead him straight into his bedroom, where he snatched his keys and jacket off of the dresser. He quickly made his way back into the living room where he shoved his phone in his back pocket and didn’t hesitate to bolt out the door.

“Mark! Fuck’s sake, open up!” Donghyuck shouted from the patio as he refused to stop his persistent pounding on the door. “Don’t make me break in! I’ll climb through your window if I have to!”

His phone vibrated in his pocket for the third time now, and since creating a public disturbance seemed futile and a waste of energy, he withdrew his phone and noticed that it was Mark that had called him multiple times. His name on the screen still glared at him, the phone buzzing in his hand nonstop.

Donghyuck brought the phone up to his ear, stepping off of the patio and taking a gander out in the neighborhood as though he expected to discover Mark strolling on the sidewalk.

“Mark, where the hell are you? I’ve been banging on your door for the past five minutes and nobody—”

“Bro…” Mark muttered from the other line, and Donghyuck couldn’t tell if he was half asleep or in a state of confusion.

“I left the door unlocked for you…”

Donghyuck whirled around and glanced up at Mark’s bedroom window, eyes squinting from the blinding sunlight that reflected off of the glass. He raised an arm to guard his eyes and caught his best friend staring back at him through the window, a curtain lifted over his head.

He huffed through the line and tilted his head in inquiry. “Really? You couldn’t come downstairs to tell me that?”

Mark sighed into the phone and moved from the window. His head was pounding and the longer he stood the more pain he was in. “You have the key anyway, dumbass, you could let yourself in even if it was locked.” All that was perceived on the other end of the phone call was an exasperated sigh from Donghyuck, who was in complete denial that he had clearly lost the key to his house again.

After the call disconnected, Mark once again curled up in his bed as pain swelled in his chest and anxiety built in his body. He was about to tell his best friend he was dying and the closer Donghyuck’s steps came, the tighter his throat became. He forced himself to sit up when the door opened and as soon as he saw his best friend’s face look at him in concern, Mark Lee allowed his tears to stream down his face as though flood gates had opened.

Donghyuck was quick to wrap his friend in his arms, and even though Mark should find comfort in his friend’s grasp, he only felt more pain. “It hurts so bad, Sookie.” He was able to get out between panicked breaths. “It hurts so fucking bad.”

Mark always felt bad for putting his friend through his breakdowns, but he was never able to stop them from happening. He wished so badly he could will the tears away from his eyes today, he wished he could just tell Donghyuck and get it over with, but he couldn’t stop as the sobs painfully wracked his system for all too long.

It took a long while to stop crying. He didn’t really calm down at all, just ran out of tears to spill. To his friend, his breakdown seemed to be ending, but  Mark felt like that had only been the beginning of several weeks worth of pain much worse.

“Dongsookie… I’m not gonna be here much longer.” Donghyuck’s head snapped toward him at neck-breaking speed asking him to repeat what he’d said.

It almost hurt more the second time. Telling Donghyuck he was dying and that there was nothing more anyone could do for him. Watching Donghyuck process all of the information as his face went through so many emotional changes was almost enough to make Mark cry again, but he couldn’t. "I thought I’d come to terms with dying long before this, but... I’m so fucking scared now, Sookie. I’m terrified.”

The desolation Donghyuck felt was all consuming. His mind became an icy wasteland that froze over his emotions. The wind howled in his soul and wrapped ill-bearing tentacles around his heart so tightly it almost ceased its irregular beating. He felt emotionally bankrupt. There was nothing left to feel, nothing left to say, nothing left but the void that enveloped him in swirling blackness as he plummeted into the desk chair that sat behind him.

Mark Lee—his best friend since childhood—was dying. For as long as he could remember, all of the time they spent together was built off of mischievous phases that every grade school kid experienced. Flashbacks immediately flooded the catastrophic mindset he caught himself in—the Halloweens Donghyuck and Mark would spend vandalizing homes of people that nobody liked with spoiled eggs and low-quality toilet paper. He recalled the times when they would pull off harmless pranks on this one particular girl in fourth grade because they both had a crush on her. He could hear his mother scolding them both for bringing a muddy soccer ball and stained shoes into the house after a very wet day out in the park. Then afterward, she’d have a wave of guilt convince her into cooking them platters of spicy chicken and pork bulgogi. The list went on for what seemed like an eternity.

Either way, the laughter that coexisted in their lives were never ending and all of the treats they shared were wonderful. They were unforgettable moments that created such an imperfect but endearing childhood, all those simple days that seemed to go on and on, until today. And something foul had splintered inside Donghyuck.

“No.” Donghyuck bore his eyes into the clenched fists that pushed down on his knees. Tears were brimming in the corners of his eyes, his face the color of a brick, his voice cracking with a hard edge. His shoulders were tremendously heavy, weighing him down, leaving him almost paralyzed, but his head almost snapped as he looked at Mark with anger brewing in his chest, his face twisted with a venomous glare.

“This is bullshit,” he spat with a curt, clipped tone, almost snarling, “You were supposed to get better. You were supposed to beat this thing—beat this God awful misery that I spent years trying to helping you fight. I was always with you through all the stupid shit that came at us and now you’re just going to let it take you away from me?”

There was a slight drop in the air temperature—the descent of absolute silence.  Mark’s face had contorted into a look of distress, sadness hovering over his core and slithering into his chest, leaving his heart abandoned. There was a bitter taste sleeping on his tongue that he couldn’t control. There were blurry spots in the corners of his vision that he couldn’t choke back. It frightened him that sudden tears could burn his retinas and cause such a displeasing wave to wash over him, one that made him shudder all over his body. It only took all of the effort he could muster to tame the aches he endured, yet they were aggravated. Never so desperately had Mark wanted to recoil into his bed and shrivel into dust.

“Dongsookie,” Mark gasped, his restless hands curling and loosening out of agitation, unconsciously gripping a handful of bed sheets.

“I never had a choice in this—I didn’t decide to die because I wanted to. You fucking knew this could happen, so what the fuck is your problem?!”

He trembled as he was brave enough to bring himself to a stand, his legs almost failing beneath but they somehow kept a steadfast stance. The raw agony that shot up his back made him flinch, the memory of Donghyuck’s words impaling him as though a javelin took him as prey.  Suddenly, the distorted view of Donghyuck’s horrified expression slowly came into focus. He was seething at the slight remorse that he could already sense in the excruciatingly thick atmosphere.

“I’m dying and you act like it’s my fault...” Mark murmured under his raspy breath. The quivering never stopped. It was as though the cancer cells had already annexed his entire system and the only thing left to do was to gulp down all of his fears as a temporary coping mechanism.

But Mark was destroyed. Never had he felt so many emotions that secluded  him into a void that he couldn’t describe, and all he could do was cast his gaze onto the ground and his eyes darkened—almost black like the void that couldn’t be filled.

He glanced back up at Donghyuck, only to glower at him in rage.

“Screw you, Donghyuck.”

And all at once, he felt his heart rate pick up in erratic spikes. The words that filled his head persisted him to continue the spillage of his uncontrollable emotions. They were twisted with an unfamiliar hate that nearly consumed Mark if only there wasn’t a certain innocence that was portrayed in Donghyuck’s eyes.

The sight of those bittersweet chocolate eyes immediately squeezed his throat and compressed his chest shut.  He was now in a coughing fit, one that let out ugly rattles from his lungs. His head spun as catching his breath became more and more difficult. Mark clutched at his core, his wheezes leaving his throat with little to no respiration, and his vision was blotched with white spots that began to engulf his conscious. There was a numbness that spread throughout his entire body, which didn’t take long to collapse onto the ground, and after a couple of moments where Mark lost his ability to breathe, the whites of his eyes had rolled back into his head, where everything suddenly turned black.

Mark was balled up on the floor when he came to, his parents quite unsettled as they struggled to help him onto his bed. His mother became uneasy as she demanded for answers, or at least any sign of confirmation that he was okay to lie down and rest, but Mark was too distracted to answer, as he blankly stared at the wall in front of him that created a canvas for his thoughts to freely roam. He made the assumption that his parents had just missed Donghyuck’s presence, as his eyes scanned the room and outside the window, only to realize that he was nowhere to be found.

Mark was more so struck in dismay that his best friend had left him isolated and dejected without warning, a pain that Donghyuck had never inflicted him with before. His heart sank and he did his best to silence the returning tears. Still quietly wheezing, Mark used up all of the energy he had left, silently dismissing his parents as he forced his body into a deep, well-needed slumber. One that he hoped could last for a very long time.

Donghyuck stormed through his front door in a tumult of sweat and tears, not noticing that he had startled his mother, who was in the kitchen and had jumped with a frantic yelp upon hearing the door suddenly burst open.  He halted in her presence, immediately turning away in hopes of concealing the vulnerability that was clearly written all over him. The panting, however, didn’t go away, and the only time it’d stop was to desperately fill his lungs with fresh air. At this rate, Donghyuck’s mother would’ve been a fool to have missed the sniffles and stifling sobs coming from her own son.

“Donghyuck.” Her tone was tense, yet full of concern, and if it wasn’t for the memories of his family with Mark and his parents flooding back into his mind, he wouldn’t have given in and faced her, revealing the tears that cleansed his red cheeks. Few droplets remained, forgetting their way as the path was swept from beneath them, consequently blurring Donghyuck’s vision with episodes of torment and anguish.

“Mom…” He blinked back his briny tears, “I’m sorry for making a mess in the kitchen. I’ll clean up before curfew, I promise.”

This was not the first time Donghyuck cried in front of his mother, especially since Mark’s terminal illness was diagnosed. He could not help but bury his blotched face into his hands, especially when the pain came out like an uproar from his throat in the form of a silent scream. He was as hollow as Mark—he could feel the same emptiness that drove them both into a state of denial that life could be so cruel. They used to have this childish spirit that cherished everything, that sought to bring joy to themselves and to appreciate the laughter they bestowed in one another.

Now it was gone. Mark’s life was crumbling in his fingertips as the miserable years went by. So there and then, when Donghyuck’s mother approached him with hands caressing his face that was hot to the touch, his lashes brimmed heavy with tears, his lips trembling and his shoulders heaved with emotion, unwilling to back down. He suddenly crashed into her arms, sobbing endlessly.

“My Donghyuck… You know that’s not important.” His mother planted his head on her shoulder, hands gently stroking his hair.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” she said, “I can’t bear to see you so miserable.”

When Donghyuck wept, there was a gut-wrenching sound to it, like the pain was still an open wound. He clasped tightly onto his mother’s sleeves for support, and his whole body shook from the cries that would constantly trap itself in his throat.

“Mark—,” he gasped, “Mark’s not okay—he...”

The muffled sobs wracked against his chest. The world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. The taste of his salty tears, the smell of his mother’s clothes. Everything evaporated. The last painful scene of Mark plummeting to the ground slammed against him before he melted from the wave of exhaustion that washed over him.

“It’s okay,” his mother whispered, “Don’t say anymore.”

For a moment, Donghyuck thought he felt a deep sigh from her softly humming against his body, as though his grief had rubbed off on his mother. It only strangled his heart tighter, the stress pounding more blood into his head. The desire he had to tell his mother everything wasn’t enough for him to spill out the entire truth.

“I’m awful.” He could barely whimper the word he’d muster out. “I left him there, Mom. He said he didn’t have much time, and I just left him. I couldn’t stay to listen. I didn’t want to hear it.”

He couldn’t control his rambling any longer, and as Donghyuck wept, his breath struggled to collect itself.

“It’s not fair,” he cried, “I never got to do everything he wanted to do. I’m never going to see all of the places he wanted to visit.”

Donghyuck slowly withdrew himself from his mother’s embrace, with loud heaving sobs tearing from his throat. He kept his faint, yet unwavering gaze still with her, searching for any signs of hope in her distraught eyes.   

“Please let me wake up from this nightmare,” he pleaded, his legs almost giving in, “I don’t want to be here anymore. Not in a world without him. Please, Mom.”

But all she could offer was a lone tear that traced down her cheek, followed by a sniffle—a sign that she had the ability to take away some of the weight Donghyuck had sustained all this time.

“Honey.” A brief chuckle broke out from a warm smile that was plastered on her face. “You’re only this way because you care. But you’re still young, and you must learn to accept that this is how life will be for us. We have no choice but to continue living it, with or without our little Mark.”

Her thumb grazed against his swollen eyes. They looked as though an ocean had been encased inside of small glass marbles that appeared to be cracked. She brushed off the remnants of the ocean that had leaked and left tracks down his rosy cheeks.

“He wants you to be happy when he’s away, so you must make the most of it when you’re with him, okay? Promise me that.”

Donghyuck lips strained to exhibit a half-hearted smile—a mask he was more than accustomed to constantly wear in order to escape from his stubborn denial. The blue feeling washed in an unwanted wave of despondency, knocking his ambitious sandcastles flat. He still couldn’t accept that Mark was really on a time limit, and for how long was virtually unknown. The wish for him to remain in the same space he breathed in filled him with such rage and bitterness. It was as though Donghyuck was the time bomb that was nearly at its end, not Mark. What could he do—was he supposed to reconstruct the sandcastles from scratch? How could he do so, when Mark was the bucket that created the foundation of his structure? He stood in the dimly lit hallway with his mother, his head hung low. The sadness still lingered, but it was no longer raw—it was now an empty unhappiness, the kind he knew would not lift easily.

Moments of needed silence passed as Donghyuck was sent to his bedroom by his mother, who insisted that he’d call it an early night and that they would finish Mark’s cookies first thing in the morning. He reluctantly obeyed, as he discovered himself sprawled out on the carpet near his bed, staring up at the blank ceiling that seemed to have drawn him into another universe. All of the noise disappeared in an instant. He felt like he was stuck between two realities: one that was imperfect without Mark, but real. The other being a vision where he pictured himself reliving his childhood with Mark and their families, the one he longed himself to be a part of again for an eternity, where their hearts would be brimming with joy and episodes of constant euphoria.

“Wait…” Donghyuck mumbled to himself, descending his thoughts from the clouds. Suddenly his stomach dropped when a rush of realization passed through him.

Reliving their childhood together?

His body didn’t hesitate to jolt upright as Donghyuck scrambled on all fours, hastily crawling towards his closet. He hands ran through numerous items piled together in the enclosed space, mainly boxes packed with old projects from his middle school days. As he sifted and sorted through stacks of nostalgia, his eyes darted through each and every single paper he came across, on the lookout for a certain style of handwriting that only he and his best friend could recognize. By the time Donghyuck was dissecting his third box, the blood that had been vigorously coursing throughout his body suddenly plunged straight into his ears.

A single piece of paper, one that could change Donghyuck’s entire mindset on the matter that had been eating away at him for as long as he could remember. He delicately retracted the sheet that was covered with Mark’s juvenile handwriting scribbled in every space and corner. A flower was blooming in his chest, a hopeful one. It came from a wilted bud that was seeded deep inside, and it didn’t take long to light up his eyes and spread across every limb that was attached to his body. He could already imagine the elation in his alternate universe.

This is it, he thought. He could relive his happiest moments with Mark.

And for the first time in a long while, Donghyuck smiled.

Mark didn’t know what time it was or how long he’d even been sleeping when he was vigorously shaken awake. “Mark,” a harsh whisper pierced his ringing ears. “Mark Lee, wake up.” He sighed and slowly turned over in bed to face Donghyuck, looking entirely different from their last encounter.

“What...” Mark croaked out, feeling razors shredding down his throat.

“Hey, I know I’m a huge fucking jerk, Markie. But look at this,” Donghyuck shoved a piece of paper toward him, and in the dark Mark could vaguely make out his youthful handwriting.

“My bucket list?” Donghyuck shook his head and plopped himself next to Mark, making the bed jump slightly. “What about it? I was like fourteen when we sat down to make that… It’s probably full of some stupid shit I already got to do through Make a Wish.”

“Then make a new one. Right now. We’ll start tomorrow.” He seemed excited, but Mark honestly couldn’t muster up the same excitement, and upon noticing his mood, Donghyuck’s shoulders fell. “It’s cause of me, right? I know I screwed up. I got angry at you and exploded at you for something you can’t control and are dealing with first hand. I’m really, really sorry Mark. I just didn’t think I’d ever actually lose you. I thought we’d always get to be together.”

Mark relaxed slightly upon his friend's words, but couldn’t muster up more than a deep sigh. He was confused and scared. A bucket list is for people really dying, and the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to reject the idea. He could ignore the pain and the fact he really was going to die, but living his days as normal and bland as possible, not like every day could be his last. “What makes you think it’s such a good idea, Sookie?” He questioned and looked to his hands in his lap, curling them together to avoid looking at how boney his hands and wrists had grown. “Look at me, I’m skin and bones. I’ll be a skeleton in weeks. It wouldn’t be fun for you to have to haul me everywhere looking like that. My doctors are sending my parents a wheelchair so they have it for me when my legs go out. I’ll be dead weight, literally.”

Silence filled the room and Mark looked up just to make sure Donghyuck hadn’t bolted again. Surely enough he was still sitting next to him, eyes drilling into Mark’s now that they were face to face. “Are you done talking silly?”

“Uh, I mean, I guess?”

“Good. Mark Lee, have you already forgotten that I will always look after you, for however long it is I need to. Through thick and thin, now life and death, I’ll be by your side. We’re best friends. I’m not gonna leave you to rot in your room.” Mark’s breath hitched while his friend spoke, his chest getting tight with emotion once again. “Now get up, you have a list to revise and it’s time to start making some plans. We’ve got work for a lifetime set up in front of us.”

Mark hung his head, willing the tears his friend had brought to his eyes before pushing himself out of bed to sit by his desk. “Give me an hour,” Mark grumbled, snatching the paper with fake annoyance and quickly getting to work.

An hour turned into two, but Mark had finished the quickly revised bucket list. It took a lot of time and thought originally, but fourteen-year-old Mark had all of the time in the world to think stuff over. He had to finish all of his deep thinking in a night in hopes to finish at least half the list while he still had time.

As Donghyuck laid on his bed, now fully asleep, Mark read all of his bullet points again and thought about one more item to add. It was cheesy—really fucking cheesy and yet it drew more tears to his eyes as he shakily jotted it down at the very bottom of the list. He felt dumb for getting so emotional over something that could’ve never happen in his life anyway, but thinking about how he’d never get to experience it kind of tore him apart. He roughly tried to pull himself together yet again in the past eighteen hours and succeeded after a few minutes of thought processing.

He put the pen down atop the paper and slowly made his way towards his bed, where he gently nudged his friend to move over so he could sleep at his side. He looked at Donghyuck, whose soft complexion was bathed in the sheer moonlight that snuck through the curtains. Mark pasted a small smile on his face as he was relieved enough to rest his eyes shut, knowing Donghyuck wasn’t going anywhere. If his last days were going to be spent with anyone, his closest friend was the best choice—even if the road ahead would be as difficult as ever.  

[froneypupbee]

Say Goodbye For Now :: 01

✎ in collaboration with @brightstarhoshi

☁ Link To Masterlist ☁ Genre: Angst, Romance, Slice of Life, Melodrama ☁ Word Count: 5k ☁ Summary: Diagnosed with leukemia, Mark Lee is met with the heart wrenching truth that he has less than a month to live. His first decision is to face closure with his best friend, Lee Donghyuck, who struggles to accept the reality of their future. What starts out as an early farewell turns into Donghyuck suggesting they spend their last few weeks together by following Mark’s bucket list from when he was fourteen. As Donghyuck is aware that the list ranges from domestic to insane objectives, there is one item that slightly intrigues him—falling in love.

Mark Lee, at the age of 18, was dying. He’d undergone treatment for a long time, gotten better for a short period of time before his health plummeted and cancer proceeded to spread through his body. He was weaker than ever, physically and emotionally. He thought he’d come to terms with dying, he knew there was a chance of it happening, but he didn’t think it would happen so soon. After his one period of good health, he probably got it into his head that he might’ve actually had the chance of living a fulfilling life. At a point, everyone around him was just as hopeful as he had been. But the golden walls of that false reality came tumbling down to reveal the twisted reality he actually lived in. 

Mark Lee learned on May 16th that he only had a few months to live at best and it was more likely than not that a few months could mean only one. He learned that all of the hope and happiness he’d compiled in his short life would end so soon. He had so much he wanted to do, but the time was torn from his hands. He wanted to weep, but the tears wouldn’t come out. He had to keep face in front of his parents and didn’t want to cry in front of the doctor that always told him to stay strong.

The ride home was one of the longest he’d ever experienced. His parents tried to act happy for his sake, but Mark could tell that everything was eating at them as much as it ate at him, but he tried to smile for them. They deserved happiness because he was living a life that would soon end just to devastate those around him. He’d try to make his end easier for them as long as he could.

Upon arriving home, Mark went straight to the only thing that was able to comfort him. The only person more like. He quickly unlocked his phone with hands so shaky he was surprised he could type properly. He opened his messages and a flood of agony swallowed up his mind. Donghyuck was always punctual and knew just how long his usual appointments would last, he’d always made sure to send him a message inquiring about how his appointment went. Mark could bear with what he’d have to tell his friend this time, so he didn’t reply with more than:

‘Come over. Urgent.’

He let his phone fall into his lap as he flopped back onto his bed, struggling to settle himself under the sheets while he awaited a knock from his friend.

Today, the earthy wands of the trees, those limbs that stretch into the sky, bloomed many new buds that decorated themselves in polka-dots. They had shed their winter covers, the layers they sheltered within, and now bravely sought the sun, renewed in its brilliance. This day was too charming to go out with, and instead of taking advantage of it like most would, Donghyuck made the decision to stay indoors and burn a batch of perfectly shaped pastries that Mark would have enjoyed.

Or at least, could have.

He sighed in defeat and paused to admire the flowers outside that blossomed from the windowsill planter. It was a shame—he missed out on the moment to be a part of the transient beauty that the floral aroma released, but now they were poisoned with the overwhelming char of the desserts. He tore the oven mitts from his hands and tossed them onto the kitchen counter, groaning in exasperation as he brought a hand to rub the tension from his temples.

After a few moments of pacing around in the kitchen, Donghyuck’s ears perked up at the sound of an unanticipated whir from the dining table. He followed the sudden interruption and perceived his phone blinking from numerous notifications. It was to be expected, as he often neglected any sort of mobile communication when he was focused on certain tasks. He almost shrugged it off as he thought it could be another text from his coworker asking to take his shift again. However, he immediately swiped his phone from the table when he saw Mark Lee’s name emerged from the rest of the miscellaneous notices, with a message so direct and brief it made his stomach drop.

‘Come over. Urgent.’

Donghyuck’s eyes darted up to the time displayed on the corner of his screen: 3:47.

“Shit…” His jaw clenched rigidly under his breath and he ran a hand through his hair, almost yanking on it. Mark had to have been waiting at home for at least half an hour, and Donghyuck wasn’t supposed to arrive at his door empty-handed. His pacing resumed as he continued to grumble over the failed chocolate chip cookies, convincing himself that he could possibly go for a second attempt the following day. Mark wouldn’t mind the overdue present so long as he still received them.

Donghyuck’s aimless wandering then lead him straight into his bedroom, where he snatched his keys and jacket off of the dresser. He quickly made his way back into the living room where he shoved his phone in his back pocket and didn’t hesitate to bolt out the door.

“Mark! Fuck’s sake, open up!” Donghyuck shouted from the patio as he refused to stop his persistent pounding on the door. “Don’t make me break in! I’ll climb through your window if I have to!”

His phone vibrated in his pocket for the third time now, and since creating a public disturbance seemed futile and a waste of energy, he withdrew his phone and noticed that it was Mark that had called him multiple times. His name on the screen still glared at him, the phone buzzing in his hand nonstop.

Donghyuck brought the phone up to his ear, stepping off of the patio and taking a gander out in the neighborhood as though he expected to discover Mark strolling on the sidewalk.

“Mark, where the hell are you? I’ve been banging on your door for the past five minutes and nobody—”

“Bro…” Mark muttered from the other line, and Donghyuck couldn’t tell if he was half asleep or in a state of confusion.

“I left the door unlocked for you…”

Donghyuck whirled around and glanced up at Mark’s bedroom window, eyes squinting from the blinding sunlight that reflected off of the glass. He raised an arm to guard his eyes and caught his best friend staring back at him through the window, a curtain lifted over his head.

He huffed through the line and tilted his head in inquiry. “Really? You couldn’t come downstairs to tell me that?”

Mark sighed into the phone and moved from the window. His head was pounding and the longer he stood the more pain he was in. “You have the key anyway, dumbass, you could let yourself in even if it was locked.” All that was perceived on the other end of the phone call was an exasperated sigh from Donghyuck, who was in complete denial that he had clearly lost the key to his house again.

After the call disconnected, Mark once again curled up in his bed as pain swelled in his chest and anxiety built in his body. He was about to tell his best friend he was dying and the closer Donghyuck’s steps came, the tighter his throat became. He forced himself to sit up when the door opened and as soon as he saw his best friend’s face look at him in concern, Mark Lee allowed his tears to stream down his face as though flood gates had opened.

Donghyuck was quick to wrap his friend in his arms, and even though Mark should find comfort in his friend’s grasp, he only felt more pain. “It hurts so bad, Sookie.” He was able to get out between panicked breaths. “It hurts so fucking bad.”

Mark always felt bad for putting his friend through his breakdowns, but he was never able to stop them from happening. He wished so badly he could will the tears away from his eyes today, he wished he could just tell Donghyuck and get it over with, but he couldn’t stop as the sobs painfully wracked his system for all too long.

It took a long while to stop crying. He didn’t really calm down at all, just ran out of tears to spill. To his friend, his breakdown seemed to be ending, but  Mark felt like that had only been the beginning of several weeks worth of pain much worse.

“Dongsookie… I’m not gonna be here much longer.” Donghyuck’s head snapped toward him at neck-breaking speed asking him to repeat what he’d said.

It almost hurt more the second time. Telling Donghyuck he was dying and that there was nothing more anyone could do for him. Watching Donghyuck process all of the information as his face went through so many emotional changes was almost enough to make Mark cry again, but he couldn’t. "I thought I’d come to terms with dying long before this, but... I’m so fucking scared now, Sookie. I’m terrified.”

The desolation Donghyuck felt was all consuming. His mind became an icy wasteland that froze over his emotions. The wind howled in his soul and wrapped ill-bearing tentacles around his heart so tightly it almost ceased its irregular beating. He felt emotionally bankrupt. There was nothing left to feel, nothing left to say, nothing left but the void that enveloped him in swirling blackness as he plummeted into the desk chair that sat behind him.

Mark Lee—his best friend since childhood—was dying. For as long as he could remember, all of the time they spent together was built off of mischievous phases that every grade school kid experienced. Flashbacks immediately flooded the catastrophic mindset he caught himself in—the Halloweens Donghyuck and Mark would spend vandalizing homes of people that nobody liked with spoiled eggs and low-quality toilet paper. He recalled the times when they would pull off harmless pranks on this one particular girl in fourth grade because they both had a crush on her. He could hear his mother scolding them both for bringing a muddy soccer ball and stained shoes into the house after a very wet day out in the park. Then afterward, she’d have a wave of guilt convince her into cooking them platters of spicy chicken and pork bulgogi. The list went on for what seemed like an eternity.

Either way, the laughter that coexisted in their lives were never ending and all of the treats they shared were wonderful. They were unforgettable moments that created such an imperfect but endearing childhood, all those simple days that seemed to go on and on, until today. And something foul had splintered inside Donghyuck.

“No.” Donghyuck bore his eyes into the clenched fists that pushed down on his knees. Tears were brimming in the corners of his eyes, his face the color of a brick, his voice cracking with a hard edge. His shoulders were tremendously heavy, weighing him down, leaving him almost paralyzed, but his head almost snapped as he looked at Mark with anger brewing in his chest, his face twisted with a venomous glare.

“This is bullshit,” he spat with a curt, clipped tone, almost snarling, “You were supposed to get better. You were supposed to beat this thing—beat this God awful misery that I spent years trying to helping you fight. I was always with you through all the stupid shit that came at us and now you’re just going to let it take you away from me?”

There was a slight drop in the air temperature—the descent of absolute silence.  Mark’s face had contorted into a look of distress, sadness hovering over his core and slithering into his chest, leaving his heart abandoned. There was a bitter taste sleeping on his tongue that he couldn’t control. There were blurry spots in the corners of his vision that he couldn’t choke back. It frightened him that sudden tears could burn his retinas and cause such a displeasing wave to wash over him, one that made him shudder all over his body. It only took all of the effort he could muster to tame the aches he endured, yet they were aggravated. Never so desperately had Mark wanted to recoil into his bed and shrivel into dust.

“Dongsookie,” Mark gasped, his restless hands curling and loosening out of agitation, unconsciously gripping a handful of bed sheets.

“I never had a choice in this—I didn’t decide to die because I wanted to. You fucking knew this could happen, so what the fuck is your problem?!”

He trembled as he was brave enough to bring himself to a stand, his legs almost failing beneath but they somehow kept a steadfast stance. The raw agony that shot up his back made him flinch, the memory of Donghyuck’s words impaling him as though a javelin took him as prey.  Suddenly, the distorted view of Donghyuck’s horrified expression slowly came into focus. He was seething at the slight remorse that he could already sense in the excruciatingly thick atmosphere.

“I’m dying and you act like it’s my fault...” Mark murmured under his raspy breath. The quivering never stopped. It was as though the cancer cells had already annexed his entire system and the only thing left to do was to gulp down all of his fears as a temporary coping mechanism.

But Mark was destroyed. Never had he felt so many emotions that secluded  him into a void that he couldn’t describe, and all he could do was cast his gaze onto the ground and his eyes darkened—almost black like the void that couldn’t be filled.

He glanced back up at Donghyuck, only to glower at him in rage.

“Screw you, Donghyuck.”

And all at once, he felt his heart rate pick up in erratic spikes. The words that filled his head persisted him to continue the spillage of his uncontrollable emotions. They were twisted with an unfamiliar hate that nearly consumed Mark if only there wasn’t a certain innocence that was portrayed in Donghyuck’s eyes.

The sight of those bittersweet chocolate eyes immediately squeezed his throat and compressed his chest shut.  He was now in a coughing fit, one that let out ugly rattles from his lungs. His head spun as catching his breath became more and more difficult. Mark clutched at his core, his wheezes leaving his throat with little to no respiration, and his vision was blotched with white spots that began to engulf his conscious. There was a numbness that spread throughout his entire body, which didn’t take long to collapse onto the ground, and after a couple of moments where Mark lost his ability to breathe, the whites of his eyes had rolled back into his head, where everything suddenly turned black.

Mark was balled up on the floor when he came to, his parents quite unsettled as they struggled to help him onto his bed. His mother became uneasy as she demanded for answers, or at least any sign of confirmation that he was okay to lie down and rest, but Mark was too distracted to answer, as he blankly stared at the wall in front of him that created a canvas for his thoughts to freely roam. He made the assumption that his parents had just missed Donghyuck’s presence, as his eyes scanned the room and outside the window, only to realize that he was nowhere to be found.

Mark was more so struck in dismay that his best friend had left him isolated and dejected without warning, a pain that Donghyuck had never inflicted him with before. His heart sank and he did his best to silence the returning tears. Still quietly wheezing, Mark used up all of the energy he had left, silently dismissing his parents as he forced his body into a deep, well-needed slumber. One that he hoped could last for a very long time.

Donghyuck stormed through his front door in a tumult of sweat and tears, not noticing that he had startled his mother, who was in the kitchen and had jumped with a frantic yelp upon hearing the door suddenly burst open.  He halted in her presence, immediately turning away in hopes of concealing the vulnerability that was clearly written all over him. The panting, however, didn’t go away, and the only time it’d stop was to desperately fill his lungs with fresh air. At this rate, Donghyuck’s mother would’ve been a fool to have missed the sniffles and stifling sobs coming from her own son.

“Donghyuck.” Her tone was tense, yet full of concern, and if it wasn’t for the memories of his family with Mark and his parents flooding back into his mind, he wouldn’t have given in and faced her, revealing the tears that cleansed his red cheeks. Few droplets remained, forgetting their way as the path was swept from beneath them, consequently blurring Donghyuck’s vision with episodes of torment and anguish.

“Mom…” He blinked back his briny tears, “I’m sorry for making a mess in the kitchen. I’ll clean up before curfew, I promise.”

This was not the first time Donghyuck cried in front of his mother, especially since Mark’s terminal illness was diagnosed. He could not help but bury his blotched face into his hands, especially when the pain came out like an uproar from his throat in the form of a silent scream. He was as hollow as Mark—he could feel the same emptiness that drove them both into a state of denial that life could be so cruel. They used to have this childish spirit that cherished everything, that sought to bring joy to themselves and to appreciate the laughter they bestowed in one another.

Now it was gone. Mark’s life was crumbling in his fingertips as the miserable years went by. So there and then, when Donghyuck’s mother approached him with hands caressing his face that was hot to the touch, his lashes brimmed heavy with tears, his lips trembling and his shoulders heaved with emotion, unwilling to back down. He suddenly crashed into her arms, sobbing endlessly.

“My Donghyuck… You know that’s not important.” His mother planted his head on her shoulder, hands gently stroking his hair.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” she said, “I can’t bear to see you so miserable.”

When Donghyuck wept, there was a gut-wrenching sound to it, like the pain was still an open wound. He clasped tightly onto his mother’s sleeves for support, and his whole body shook from the cries that would constantly trap itself in his throat.

“Mark—,” he gasped, “Mark’s not okay—he...”

The muffled sobs wracked against his chest. The world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. The taste of his salty tears, the smell of his mother’s clothes. Everything evaporated. The last painful scene of Mark plummeting to the ground slammed against him before he melted from the wave of exhaustion that washed over him.

“It’s okay,” his mother whispered, “Don’t say anymore.”

For a moment, Donghyuck thought he felt a deep sigh from her softly humming against his body, as though his grief had rubbed off on his mother. It only strangled his heart tighter, the stress pounding more blood into his head. The desire he had to tell his mother everything wasn’t enough for him to spill out the entire truth.

“I’m awful.” He could barely whimper the words he’d muster out. “I left him there, Mom. He said he didn’t have much time, and I just left him. I couldn’t stay to listen. I didn’t want to hear it.”

He couldn’t control his rambling any longer, and as Donghyuck wept, his breath struggled to collect itself.

“It’s not fair,” he cried, “I never got to do everything he wanted to do. I’m never going to see all of the places he wanted to visit.”

Donghyuck slowly withdrew himself from his mother’s embrace, with loud heaving sobs tearing from his throat. He kept his faint, yet unwavering gaze still with her, searching for any signs of hope in her distraught eyes.   

“Please let me wake up from this nightmare,” he pleaded, his legs almost giving in, “I don’t want to be here anymore. Not in a world without him. Please, Mom.”

But all she could offer was a lone tear that traced down her cheek, followed by a sniffle—a sign that she had the ability to take away some of the weight Donghyuck had sustained all this time.

“Honey.” A brief chuckle broke out from a warm smile that was plastered on her face. “You’re only this way because you care. But you’re still young, and you must learn to accept that this is how life will be for us. We have no choice but to continue living it, with or without our little Mark.”

Her thumb grazed against his swollen eyes. They looked as though an ocean had been encased inside of small glass marbles that appeared to be cracked. She brushed off the remnants of the ocean that had leaked and left tracks down his rosy cheeks.

“He wants you to be happy when he’s away, so you must make the most of it when you’re with him, okay? Promise me that.”

Donghyuck’s lips strained to exhibit a half-hearted smile—a mask he was more than accustomed to constantly wear in order to escape from his stubborn denial. The blue feeling washed in an unwanted wave of despondency, knocking his ambitious sandcastles flat. He still couldn’t accept that Mark was really on a time limit, and for how long was virtually unknown. The wish for him to remain in the same space he breathed in filled him with such rage and bitterness. It was as though Donghyuck was the time bomb that was nearly at its end, not Mark. What could he do—was he supposed to reconstruct the sandcastles from scratch? How could he do so, when Mark was the bucket that created the foundation of his structure? He stood in the dimly lit hallway with his mother, his head hung low. The sadness still lingered, but it was no longer raw—it was now an empty unhappiness, the kind he knew would not lift easily.

Moments of needed silence passed as Donghyuck was sent to his bedroom by his mother, who insisted that he’d call it an early night and that they would finish Mark’s cookies first thing in the morning. He reluctantly obeyed, as he discovered himself sprawled out on the carpet near his bed, staring up at the blank ceiling that seemed to have drawn him into another universe. All of the noise disappeared in an instant. He felt like he was stuck between two realities: one that was imperfect without Mark, but real. The other being a vision where he pictured himself reliving his childhood with Mark and their families, the one he longed himself to be a part of again for an eternity, where their hearts would be brimming with joy and episodes of constant euphoria.

“Wait…” Donghyuck mumbled to himself, descending his thoughts from the clouds. Suddenly his stomach dropped when a rush of realization passed through him.

Reliving their childhood together?

His body didn’t hesitate to jolt upright as Donghyuck scrambled on all fours, hastily crawling towards his closet. He hands ran through numerous items piled together in the enclosed space, mainly boxes packed with old projects from his middle school days. As he sifted and sorted through stacks of nostalgia, his eyes darted through each and every single paper he came across, on the lookout for a certain style of handwriting that only he and his best friend could recognize. By the time Donghyuck was dissecting his third box, the blood that had been vigorously coursing throughout his body suddenly plunged straight into his ears.

A single piece of paper, one that could change Donghyuck’s entire mindset on the matter that had been eating away at him for as long as he could remember. He delicately retracted the sheet that was covered with Mark’s juvenile handwriting scribbled in every space and corner. A flower was blooming in his chest, a hopeful one. It came from a wilted bud that was seeded deep inside, and it didn’t take long to light up his eyes and spread across every limb that was attached to his body. He could already imagine the elation in his alternate universe.

This is it, he thought. He could relive his happiest moments with Mark.

And for the first time in a long while, Donghyuck smiled.

Mark didn’t know what time it was or how long he’d even been sleeping when he was vigorously shaken awake. “Mark,” a harsh whisper pierced his ringing ears. “Mark Lee, wake up.” He sighed and slowly turned over in bed to face Donghyuck, looking entirely different from their last encounter.

“What...” Mark croaked out, feeling razors shredding down his throat.

“Hey, I know I’m a huge fucking jerk, Markie. But look at this,” Donghyuck shoved a piece of paper toward him, and in the dark Mark could vaguely make out his youthful handwriting.

“My bucket list?” Donghyuck shook his head and plopped himself next to Mark, making the bed jump slightly. “What about it? I was like fourteen when we sat down to make that… It’s probably full of some stupid shit I already got to do through Make a Wish.”

“Then make a new one. Right now. We’ll start tomorrow.” He seemed excited, but Mark honestly couldn’t muster up the same excitement, and upon noticing his mood, Donghyuck’s shoulders fell. “It’s cause of me, right? I know I screwed up. I got angry at you and exploded at you for something you can’t control and are dealing with first hand. I’m really, really sorry Mark. I just didn’t think I’d ever actually lose you. I thought we’d always get to be together.”

Mark relaxed slightly upon his friend's words, but couldn’t muster up more than a deep sigh. He was confused and scared. A bucket list is for people really dying, and the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to reject the idea. He could ignore the pain and the fact he really was going to die, but living his days as normal and bland as possible, not like every day could be his last. “What makes you think it’s such a good idea, Sookie?” He questioned and looked to his hands in his lap, curling them together to avoid looking at how boney his hands and wrists had grown. “Look at me, I’m skin and bones. I’ll be a skeleton in weeks. It wouldn’t be fun for you to have to haul me everywhere looking like that. My doctors are sending my parents a wheelchair so they have it for me when my legs go out. I’ll be dead weight, literally.”

Silence filled the room and Mark looked up just to make sure Donghyuck hadn’t bolted again. Surely enough he was still sitting next to him, eyes drilling into Mark’s now that they were face to face. “Are you done talking silly?”

“Uh, I mean, I guess?”

“Good. Mark Lee, have you already forgotten that I will always look after you, for however long it is I need to. Through thick and thin, now life and death, I’ll be by your side. We’re best friends. I’m not gonna leave you to rot in your room.” Mark’s breath hitched while his friend spoke, his chest getting tight with emotion once again. “Now get up, you have a list to revise and it’s time to start making some plans. We’ve got work for a lifetime set up in front of us.”

Mark hung his head, willing the tears his friend had brought to his eyes before pushing himself out of bed to sit by his desk. “Give me an hour,” Mark grumbled, snatching the paper with fake annoyance and quickly getting to work.

An hour turned into two, but Mark had finished the quickly revised bucket list. It took a lot of time and thought originally, but fourteen-year-old Mark had all of the time in the world to think stuff over. He had to finish all of his deep thinking in a night in hopes to finish at least half the list while he still had time.

As Donghyuck laid on his bed, now fully asleep, Mark read all of his bullet points again and thought about one more item to add. It was cheesy—really fucking cheesy and yet it drew more tears to his eyes as he shakily jotted it down at the very bottom of the list. He felt dumb for getting so emotional over something that could’ve never happen in his life anyway, but thinking about how he’d never get to experience it kind of tore him apart. He roughly tried to pull himself together yet again in the past eighteen hours and succeeded after a few minutes of thought processing.

He put the pen down atop the paper and slowly made his way towards his bed, where he gently nudged his friend to move over so he could sleep at his side. He looked at Donghyuck, whose soft complexion was bathed in the sheer moonlight that snuck through the curtains. Mark pasted a small smile on his face as he was relieved enough to rest his eyes shut, knowing Donghyuck wasn’t going anywhere. If his last days were going to be spent with anyone, his closest friend was the best choice—even if the road ahead would be as difficult as ever.  

[ficsxreaderr]

Running lines.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x reader

A/N: I know this one isn’t a big deal, nor it is the most original thing I’ve written but I just had the idea wandering around my head so I wrote it down! Ballroom is taking me a while, but I’m getting there!!

I don’t have a “permanent” tag list, but if you would like to be tagged in the upcoming stories (Seb/Bucky/Marvel related), just ask!!

Warnings: Making out?? Small amount of fluff...

Reblogging and feedback are appreciated!

“Y/N, did you make sure you cancelled my breakfast meeting tomorrow?” He asks as he sits on the couch of his office, taking the book he’s been reading from the coffee table.

“Yes, Robert, everyone’s been notified, and I also set your lunch meeting for…2 PM.” You reply checking your tablet, twice so you don’t make a mistake and send Robert Downey Jr. an hour early or an hour late for his meeting. You’re sitting on the couch across the table from him, checking multiple apps as you revise his schedule.

“Perfect, that’s all for now, thanks. Now go have some coffee, please, I can’t imagine what 8 hours straight walking beside me feels like.” He replies, with the most concerned tone you could hear. You smile at him in relief and turn off your tablet as a sign that you’re done for the day.

“Thanks, Rob, and if you need me, please call my phone or text me, okay?”

“I won’t do that because as for this moment you’re free for the rest of the day. If I need to be a pain in the ass I will be to someone else.” He shrugs, and you both laugh, but you know he means every word of it.

“Alright, bye, Robert, enjoy your day.”

“Bye, kid.” He winks at you and you walk away, as tired as ever. You’ve been working for him nonstop for the past three days, he’s been so busy lately which instantly makes you busy. You don’t have much to complain about, though, he’s the best boss you could ask for. He has his bad moments just like anyone else, but you’ve known him for three years now, you know how to handle him. He’s never disrespected you, you’ve had your fights and arguments, but it hasn’t gone that far. Sometimes, he drives you crazy because he’s so indecisive about the dates he wants to set for appointments or meetings, but you rather help him choose instead of making the decision harder for him

You leave his office and as you close the glass door, you sigh, keeping everything that reminds you of work in your purse. You walk down the hall, and to the elevators to make your way out of the building.

You walk out and hear your phone starts ringing, since you had put it inside your purse, you need to look for it, and while you’re at it, you curse yourself for not turning it off before. You keep walking but you can’t find it, and as you stuff your hand deeper in the mess your bag is right now, you’re stopped by a voluminous body, which instantly makes you look up, scared of someone being mad at your for walking so stupidly.

“Oh, God, I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot.” You say without recognizing who it is.

“Relax, Y/N,” Sebastian chuckles at your reaction. “What is Downey making you do now?” He puts his hands on your shoulders, ready to listen to your complaints. You’re not going to tell him that, but finding him now is just what you needed to make your day brighter.

“Oh, no, nothing, I just heard my phone ringing and couldn’t find it in this damned bag.” You run a hand through your hair in desperation and sigh deeply. “But tell me, how are you?”

“How are you?” He frowns in concern. He cannot stand seeing you when you’re stressed, he feels the need to make everything right for you. “He’s driving you crazy, isn’t he?”

“No, not at all, in fact he gave me the rest of the day off but I—you know how I am, I stress out for nothing.”

“Well, he better be treating you right if he doesn’t want to hear a word or two from me.” He jokes, stroking your upper arms for you to relax.

“Shut up, you wouldn’t kill a fly!” You hit his arm playfully.

“For a girl like you, I’d have everybody fired if necessary.” You roll your eyes in amusement and he chuckles as he sees you’re now a little relieved. “I’m glad I ran into you, sweetheart, I hate to say this now but I was wondering if you’d help me run through some lines, you’re the best at it…but if you’re too tired, then I understand.” And there it is…sweetheart. You’ve known Sebastian for almost a year, and during the past months he’s chosen to call you with that pet name. You melt inside every time he calls you that, and you would die for him to feel the same way you feel, but maybe it’s just flirting and he doesn’t mean anything by it.

“I’m never too tired for you, Seb, I love running lines with you.” You certainly do, you love anything that has to do with hanging out with him. He smiles broadly and pulls you in for a hug, his hugs are the best. He strokes your back up and down, and you surround his huge body with your arms. You inhale his scent, too god for your senses, close your eyes and smile, too glad you just found him. He nuzzles your hair and then pulls away, too soon for you. “Your place or mine?” You ask.

“If you’re good with it, we can go to my place, we can run lines, and then watch a movie…or watch a movie and then run lines, it’s your call.” He shrugs, letting you make the decision you want, as always.

“Your place is fine, I guess, my place is a mess right now. This script is for your new project, right?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t let you even think of the script for anything Marvel related, that would kill you…and the Russos would kill me.”

“Thanks for your consideration, Stan.” He chuckles. “Shall we?” You ask, gesturing with your arm for you to start walking. You get to his car and, as usual, he opens the door for you and then gets in to drive to his place.

—

“Have I ever told you I love your apartment? It’s so classy and the view is great!” You say, standing in the living room with your arms crossed, watching through the huge window that lets you see the whole city. Sebastian is making some popcorn for the movie you’re going to watch, since you both decided to do that first.

“It’s no big deal, I picked this place for the silence, to be honest.” He speaks up from the kitchen, as humble as ever.

Once he’s done, he walks back to the living room and sits on the couch. “Come here, sweetheart, I poured you some beer if you’re in the mood.” He says turning on the TV and starting the Netflix app. You sit beside him, at a distance that won’t make it obvious you’re dying to cuddle with him, but that doesn’t show that you’re trying to stay away.

“What are we—did we just meet?” He frowns, sarcastically. “Get closer, it’s not like we don’t know each other!” He says, chuckling and propping his arm on the back rest, inviting you to sit as closer as possible so he can put his arm around you. Screaming internally but just smiling on the outside, you do as he tells you, trying not to look so eager. He drapes his arm around you, stroking your shoulder as you get comfortable.

“Are you okay there?” He asks, looking down at you, and you’re just dying to tell him you’re more than perfect, that you’re the happiest when he’s around. You nod and give him a smirk, and he smiles back, letting you see the crinkles at the corner of his eyes, those you love so damn much.

As you’re watching the movie, he lets you grab your beer from the coffee table, but as soon as you lean back on the couch, he drapes his arm around you again, pulling you closer to him. Once or twice, he kisses or nuzzles your hair, or places his fingers on your nape, caressing it through your hair, making you melt at the warmth of his hands. He plays with the ends of your hair, he asks you if you’re comfortable every twenty minutes, and if you’re cold every fifteen minutes. Within the first thirty minutes of the movie, you feel a lot more confident, and curl up your legs on the couch, resting your head on his shoulder, near his chest, and resting your hand on his abdomen, and so when he takes a deep breath or chuckles, you feel his chest vibrate against your ear, which only sends shivers through your body, and peace to your mind.

“I was not sure you were going to like it, but I see you did, you were quiet during the whole thing. Or did you hate it?” He asks after you’ve watched Inception, not moving a muscle to change his position.

“Of course I liked it, Seb, I had only watched parts of it but I never got it until now.” You reply, in almost a murmur, since you’re now a little sleepy.

“You sound tired, Y/N, are you sure you don’t want to go home?” You could be awake for hours if it meant spending them with him, so you just nod and sit up, facing him, showing him your best smile.

“I’m okay, I’m tired but we still have a pending task.” You prop your elbow on the couch, fisting your hand and resting your head on it. “Hey, Seb?” You say, already regretting what you’re going to ask, but you know if you don’t do it now, you never will.

“What is it?” He asks, mimicking your position.

“Why did you start calling me…sweetheart, and treating me the way you do?” You ask, almost murmuring but very sure of what you want to know. He remains silent for a moment.

“I thought you knew how I felt, Y/N.”

“I know you care about me, I know I’m your friend, but you’ve never told me anything else.” You say, hoping with all your might that he will tell you how wrong you are and how he’s fallen for you as hard as you have for him.

He draws his hand to your cheek, caressing your cheekbone with his thumb. He stares for a moment, his eyes glowing in the dim light, you’re mesmerized.

“I’m crazy about you, Y/N, I’m…the luckiest man for finding you and having this…bond with you, I can’t imagine my life without you in it.” Your stomach sinks, your heart is pounding, you can literally hear it; you feel your pulse getting stronger and faster, you even feel your hands are shaking. You thank God the lights are low so he can’t see your face as hot as fire, though you know he might feel it as he hasn’t taken his hand off.

“W-why didn’t you tell me…before?” That is all you manage to ask. You want to cry of happiness but you still can speak clearly without your voice cracking up.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t feel the same way, at the moment I still am. I was going to tell you, I just never knew how or when. I-I’m such an idiot, Y/N, I’m sorry.” Why the hell is he apologizing for? He didn’t do anything wrong and making him feel he did was certainly not your intention when you asked him that.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, I just wanted to know why you hadn’t told me because it drove me insane to be…so in love with you…” You whisper the last words, already falling apart and wanting to hug him forever.

He leans over, slowly, staring at your eyes until he kisses you. He slowly grazes his lips against yours, until you press yours against his, allowing him to kiss you as deeply as he wants to. He melts into the kiss, letting out a soft moan that makes you smile, but you’re unable to pull away. He keeps kissing you, placing one hand on your waist while the other one remains on your face; you place your hands around his nape, grabbing his hair gently.

“Stay the night, Y/N.” He whispers as he stops kissing you for a second to catch his breath. He stares at you with his beautiful eyes, which beg you to stay, hadn’t he said the words.

“I have to get up early and I have no clothes here.” You reply while he draws his lips to your neck, flipping the ends of your hair so your neck is exposed.

“I’ll drive you home early, I swear.” He murmurs against your ear, making your heart rumble, your body shiver and your hands fist on his hair. He nibbles your ear, and you close your eyes, letting out a small breath.

“Give me one more reason to stay.” You tease him, knowing damn well you already made up your mind, which you clearly couldn’t control given the way Sebastian was so close to your body, driving all of it completely insane.

He looks at you, tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, and pecks your lips softly.

“I—I love you, Y/N.” You let out a breath and curl up your lips in a smile, not believing your ears. Your hands now cup his face, tracing your thumb along his lower lip, he grabs your wrist and draws your hand to his lips, kissing your palm. “Is that enough?” He frowns.

“It’s more than enough, Sebastian.” You kiss him softly. “I love you, too.”

…

“Hey, Y/N.” You hear a whisper against your ear. Now, you feel his lips softly grazing your cheek, his fingers tracing along your neck, and his hands moving slowly along your bare shoulders. He kisses your shoulder, making you shift on your side to face him. “Good morning, baby.” He smiles broadly at the sight of your face, even if you feel you look lousy and tired. He strokes your cheekbone with the back of his fingers and kisses you softly.

“Good morning, Seb.” You sigh and smile to him. “Did last night really happen?” You ask, making him chuckle.

“Of course it did, baby, I find it hard to believe it myself, but it did.” In a second you come back to Earth. Shit, it’s Friday.

You sit up quickly on the bed and glance at the clock. “Shit, it’s late, Robert must have called me at least 50 times by now!” You exclaim, quickly sitting on the edge of the bed to put on your clothes and shoes. Before you can even stand up, Sebastian grabs your arm gently.

“Y/N, Y/N, relax.” He says, making you look at him over your shoulder. He sits up and kisses your cheek. “I called Downey at 7, okay? I told him you were sick and you had stayed here because it was too cold outside for you to go back home.”

You sit back on the bed, crossing your legs. “Did he buy it?”

“Fuck no, but he still gave you the day off.” He chuckles and you mimic him. He draws his hand to your neck and kisses you deeply, groaning softly when you bite his lower lip. “I love it when you do that.” He shakes his head in amusement, smirking and biting your lip. “I love all of you, baby.”

[orrangepoem]

imaginary friend // h.s // part two

author’s note: HERE IT IS!!! I am going to make this into a series, but I have no clue how many parts it’s going to be. I hope you enjoy!

w.c: 2.5k

summary: Harry has an imaginary friend called Y/N.

P.S: I do mention going to therapy and having depression in this part, so a trigger warning.

READ PART ONE HERE!

“I’m sorry, have we met before?”

Harry’s heart broke. No, it did more than break. It shattered, exploded, combust, all the words he could think of. Into a million pieces. This is his Y/N, he’s never been more sure of anything else. Her hair was the same color, though Harry could tell she needed a trim, and it was probably driving her mad. She always complained of her long hair, and would make jokes about shaving her head. “But I would look disgusting if I did that,” she’d say. Her pupils were wide, only allowing a small ring of color to show. Her cute little nose that always reminded Harry of a pixie, still sloped down to a point. Freckles spread across her face like constellations, and he remembered how they would disappear a bit in the winter and that’s why it was her least favorite season.

“You’re- you are Y/N, right?”

“Yeah. May I ask who you are?” She raised a hand to run it through her hair and Harry noticed her hands were a bit calloused and covered in paint. Despite the situation, he allowed himself a small smile, he always knew she was going to do something artistic.

“I’m Harry.” His introduction seemed to have a struck a chord within Y/N. Her eyes went wide and her mouth fell open, but no words escaped.

“Oh, well it’s nice to meet you, but I’m afraid you have me mistaken for another Y/N. I’ve got to get to class, bye.” Her words were rushed and frantic and Harry couldn’t figure out why. She put her head down and practically jogged away from Harry and into the art building.

“But…” It was too late, she was already gone. Gone from his life again.

Harry couldn’t help but think that there’s a chance, the tiniest chance that she wasn’t Y/N. She’s imaginary, don’t be so thick. Just a part of your childhood. She can’t be a real person.

But he would recognize that smell of vanilla and cinnamon anywhere. If she really was his Y/N, he refused to let her get away again.

He had to get her back.

-

Harry. Fucking HARRY. Y/N hadn’t heard that name in so long, not since she was in the beginning part of her teenage years. It caught her off guard that a boy, a very cute one at that, had come up to her. But when he said his name, it triggered something in her. All the memories had come flooding back.

For ten long years, from the time she was five till she was fifteen years of age, Y/N had weird dreams. Not nightmares, in fact the quite opposite. She’ll never forget the first time she saw him.

Y/N was having a dream about being in her backyard, when she spotted someone sitting on the ground under the big oak tree. He held his knees up to his chest and kept his eyes trained on the dirt. She slowly walked up to him and got a better look at him. He looked to be the same age as her and had brown hair, that was curly, and stuck out in every which way.

“Hello.” The boy looked up at Y/N and she could see the color of his eyes. As green as the grass he was sitting on.

“I’m Y/N.” She reached a tiny hand outward for him to shake, but he didn’t dare move. Y/N rested her arm back by her side and took her bottom lip between her teeth, trying to think of how to get the mysterious boy to open up.

“Wanna play superheroes? I like to be Wonder Woman, sometimes Poison Ivy, even though she’s one of the bad guys. You can be whoever you want!” The boy let a small smile loose, and Y/N noticed his two front teeth were slightly bigger than the rest, but she thought it was cute.

“Well c’mon!” Y/N grabbed his hand in anticipation and pulled him off the ground and began running off.

“I’m H-Harry,” he finally spoke up quietly and he wasn’t sure if she had heard but she turned around and gave him a smile.

That’s how all the dreams went, just she and Harry being kids. As she grew up in real life, she watched Harry grow as well. She always kept Harry a secret, in fear of anyone thinking that she was crazy. As she got older, Y/N thought about the possibility of Harry being real. Why else would she have dreams about the same boy for years? She wasn’t sure if she believed in fairytales, or soulmates, or anything of that nature, but the more she thought about Harry, the more her mind changed.

-

It was when she was thirteen that Y/N started getting anxious about how far this Harry situation was getting. A boy at school had gotten her attention and she tried being with him, but just couldn’t. Harry, this boy that probably didn’t even exist, had her heart, and she didn’t know what to do about it.

She confessed to her mum what had been going on and she suggested that Y/N see a therapist.

-

“What type of childhood did you have? Did you make friends with other children, or were you very timid?” Y/N was sat in a therapist’s office, goosebumps all over her skin because she was quite nervous and it was absolutely freezing in the room.

She expected to be lying down on a couch, while being asked the repetitive, “how does that make you feel?” Instead she was sat in a (rather uncomfortable) chair across from a woman called Dr. Green, who had papers strewn across her desks and children’s drawings taped to the wall behind her.

“I was quite shy, usually kept to myself. I did start to make friends once I got a bit older, but they’re all very outgoing.”

“Hmm I see. Dreams can sometimes be a bit difficult to interpret, but I would say that this ‘Harry’ boy was a way for your childhood self to cope with not having other kids to play with. Children tend to get attached to objects, or in your case, people, very easily and that’s what happened. Your brain tricked you into thinking that Harry was the perfect friend for you and you didn’t need anyone else.” Y/N nodded her head in understanding.

“What do you suggest I do?”

“It’s going to be difficult and take quite some time, but you need to slowly push Harry out of your life. Anything that may remind you of him, or if you do something regularly that you associate with him, get rid of it. But do it in steps and be patient, if you try to stop this all at once, it will be much harder.”

“I understand. Thank you so much, Dr. Green”

“It’s no problem, Y/N. I’ll see you again in two weeks to see what progress you’ve made.”

-

No progress was made. Y/N grew more and more frustrated during the two weeks while waiting for her next appointment with Dr. Green. Harry just wasn’t going away, even in her everyday life, he was always there.

Y/N decided to go to this restaurant that wasn’t too far from her house. It was old, run down, and she was always the youngest person in there, but they had the best curly fries and strawberry milkshake. She took a seat in a booth, and her usual meal was immediately brought to her. She was such a regular, the waitresses didn’t even bother with giving her a menu anymore.

“The usual, for our best customer,” Anne, the older waitress who never seemed to have a day off, placed Y/N’s fries and milkshake on the table, with a kind smile on her face.

“Thank you, Ms. Styles. Don’t you ever take a day off from work? Just for yourself or your family?”

“Oh, I wish I could sweetheart, but I’ve got to keep my little ones fed. And you can call me Anne, I think we know each other well enough by now. Enjoy love, let me know if you need anything.”

“I will. Thank you, Anne.”

Y/N’s mouth watered at the food in front of her and she nearly moaned when taking a sip of her milkshake. She made a mental note to get the recipe for it before she went off to university in a few years.

Y/N picked up a curly fry and was about to eat it, but stopped. Her face fell, and her stomach was in knots. The damn fries were reminding her of Harry, because they resembled the curls on his head. She threw it back onto the plate and pushed it away from her.

“Never thought I’d see the day when Y/N Y/L/N doesn’t eat our fries,” Y/N looked up and saw that Anne had returned.

“I never thought so either. My mind is just all over.”

“Well, lucky for you, I’m on my break so we can talk about it, if you would like.” Y/N nodded her head and Anne sat down in the booth across from her, but not before taking some fries. Y/N didn’t mind, she knew that Anne was always working nonstop, and probably didn’t get many breaks.

“So, what is it love?”

Y/N sighed and gave a small roll of her eyes, “boy troubles.” Anne let out a small giggle, and Y/N thought to herself that she hopes to be that beautiful when she’s Anne’s age.

“I remember those days. Getting butterflies when you saw the cute little boy you fancy in the halls at school. Then crying and thinking you’ll never find love again after he breaks your heart.”

“I think my situation is a bit more complicated, Ms. Sty- uh, sorry, Anne.” She raised her eyebrows as a signal for Y/N to further explain. She hesitated for a moment, because she liked Anne, and didn’t want to embarrass herself. Y/N took a deep breath and told Anne everything and her heart was racing when she was finished, she prayed that Anne wouldn’t think she was crazy.

“Sounds like a lot going on sweetheart and I don’t think I can give you advice on what to do because I haven’t experienced anything like that, but I will tell you that you’ll get through it. You and your mum have been coming to this restaurant since you were still in her belly. Always got fries and a milkshake, just like you. I’ve had the pleasure of watching you grow up and you have become a very strong girl and you’ll be ok.”

“Thank you, Anne, that means a lot to me.”

“And if you get over this mysterious boy in your dreams, maybe I’ll get you a date with my son,” Anne let out a laugh but Y/N got a feeling she wasn’t completely joking.

“Oh, you’ve got a son? Thought it was just you and Gemma.”

“No, I’ve got my baby boy as well, he’s about your age. My break is over now, but it was nice talking with you Y/N, come back again anytime you need, you know you’re always welcome.”

“Thank you again, Anne. Have a good rest of the night!” Y/N left the money for her food and a tip for Anne and walked out the door, letting the cold, evening air hit her face. She wondered why Anne hadn’t said her son’s name, but quickly put it to the back of her mind.

-

Y/N continued going to therapy, and going to the restaurant to have talks with Anne, but nothing was working. Harry just could not leave her mind, and Y/N became depressed. She loved Harry, although he was a part of her imagination, but she didn’t want to love him. She wanted friends, she wanted a relationship with a real person but she knew that she couldn’t be with anyone while also being in love with some imaginary boy who only appeared in her dreams.

This continued for the next two years, and Y/N just fell into a deeper hole. She felt helpless, and just wanted Harry to go away. But then things started changing, finally, things started to turn around. Y/N would never forget that day either.

February 1st. Y/N was 15. The night prior, Harry wasn’t in her dreams. She woke up feeling confused, a little sad, but also happy. When taking a nap later that day, Harry showed up in a dream, but Y/N quickly woke up. She was finally getting away from him, and wasn’t going to get sucked in.

Throughout that year, Harry came and went. Until one day, he was gone. No dreams, no nothing. There were still some things that reminded Y/N of him, but she didn’t care. She was finally making progress and wasn’t going to let anything get in the way. Finally, Harry left her life completely. Y/N went a full two months with no dreams of Harry and she knew in her heart that he was gone forever. Was she sad? Absolutely. This boy, whether he’s fake or not, had become a big part of her life, but Y/N knew she had to let him go.

-

Just when Y/N thought everything was going well, some boy named Harry had to show up. Y/N couldn’t even focus in class because he looked so much like her Harry. His eyes were the same color, the most beautiful shade of green Y/N had ever seen, and his hair was pushed back but still had those curls. His lips were the same shade of pink, and still looked soft. Those damn lips.

There was no way in hell, no way possible, that the boy who came up to her and introduced himself as Harry was her Harry. But Y/N had to make sure, she had to know. It was nearly 1 in the morning and Y/N couldn’t take it anymore, she had to find out. After she got out of class, she started talking to everyone and campus until she met someone who knew Harry and where his dorm was.

Y/N jumped out of bed and put her slippers on, not bothering with proper shoes or clothes. She grabbed a jacket, cause the London air always gets extremely cold at night, and made her way to Harry’s dorm. Thankfully, he was just in the building next to hers, so it wasn’t too far of a walk.

Second floor, room 213.

213. There it was. Y/N stood frozen in place, too terrified to move. She heard someone speaking on the other side of the door, and before she could run away, it swung open. Harry was standing in front of her, with headphones in his ears, a jacket on, and some workout shorts. She assumed he was about to go for a late-night run.

“Y/N…hey.”

“Hi. I know it’s late, I’m sorry. Can we talk? Or were you about to go somewhere?”

“We can talk. I was about to go for a run, couldn’t sleep. Do you want to come inside or…?”

“I’m not much of a runner, but we can walk around campus if you don’t mind,” Y/N gave a soft smile to let Harry know everything was ok, she could sense that he was nervous.

“O-ok.”

SEND ME REQUESTS AND GIVE FEEDBACK! Another side note, I am in no way a professional therapist, so the part where Dr. Green was talking to Y/N wasn’t proper advice or anything, I just tried my best to think from a therapist’s point of view. 

[singingunderthecurtain]

DIAMOND (CEO AU Baekhyun Series) Part 1 [Under Construction]

Also on AFF

Picture not mine, found everything on Google

Author: @julietsoddeye AU: CEO!Baekhyun Genre: Angst | Smut | Romance Pairing: Baekhyun x Lee Soojin (OC) Trigger Warning: Smut on future chapters. Mentions of car accident. Mentions of being blind. Baekhyun being an a-hole. Word Count: 2,554

Plot: After 10 years of exile to another country, Soojin is finally back home and was surprised to find out that she was already engaged to the son of her father's long-time friend and business partner.

A/N: Yay for a new series!!! Lmfao hope y’all like CEO Baekhyun lmfao.

Diamond Mini Masterlist

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20

It’s not even an hour yet since Soojin got home from her 10-year exile in another country, and her father is already asking for her to come into his office. For a normal person with a normal family, she should be excited to see her father after years of being apart. But Soojin is far from normal. 

Her family, her lifestyle, everything around her is far from normal. She was born into a family that is so rich, no one except people like herself can reach her or any of them.

Soojin and her siblings were put in an exclusive school, where children of the rich and famous like herself, can only go. You cannot interact with just anyone, especially not other kids from lower ranks. Soojin's parents were overprotective of her and her siblings. But their father’s affection for her disappeared when he banished Soojin at thirteen years old. He sent her away from the comforts of her own home, away from her mother and siblings. Away from the mansion she once called home.

Soojin was sad and depressed for half a decade after she was banished. She started closing herself away from people, including her own family, even the people who took care of her while living away alone. 

But then she realized along the line that this exile was kind of like a form of freedom she was always hoping for when she was younger. She was able to socialize with people who are very different from her without the parents she once knew to stop her from doing so. She even acquired two best friends. Yes, not one, but two people she can call her best friends. Soojin met a lot of people from all walks of life in those ten years that she was away from home, but only those two stayed.

Soojin knows everything about them and they know everything about her as well. They know that she is the daughter of the mighty Lee Seungho, second richest and powerful man in South Korea. But not once they took advantage of Soojin or the name she was carrying in her birth certificate. They offered her nothing but genuine friendship and love she never got from her own father.

As Soojin was climbing the grand stairs up to the second floor to her father’s office, dragging her pointer finger up the Australian Buloke handrails, she saw a significantly young maid looking at her wide-eyed as if she saw a ghost. The maid traced where her eyes were looking and she ended her gaze with Soojin's finger touching the rail. Soojin saw her continue to polish the handrails while still looking at her with a conscious-stricken expression on her face.

Soojin removed her fingers away from the rails and saw a light layer of dust stained her skin. The young maid bowed downed ninety degrees while nervously speaking of nonstop apologies to her. Soojin walked up to her, touched the young girl's hand and gave her a sincere smile. She immediately froze under Soojin's touch; she probably never had a good experience working in this household. She felt bad for this poor young woman.

When Soojin got in front of her father’s office door, she hesitated at first, but then let out a nervous sigh and knocked anyway. She was surprised she still knows where his father's office was located at after a decade of being gone. There are a lot of changes around the mansion and the whole fifty-acre property in general; additional small cottages were added as chambers for the helpers and a barn because her sister likes horses, as far as she knows she has four horses she keeps as pets.

After a few seconds, Soojin pulls down the lever handle and pushed the heavy wooden door open. Old classical music was playing softly that entered her ears pleasantly and the view of her parents sweetly laughing and talking while seated together on an office couch, feeding each other fruits almost made her smile. It was nice that they still show affection even after a lot of years of being together. But then the mere fact that her father sent her away and her mother letting it happen, stopped Soojin from giving them any form of emotion.

“Darling, come right in. Join us for some fruits.” 

Her mother, whom she hadn’t seen in two years, looks up at her with a warm and gentle smile. Although Soojin was glued awkwardly by the door frame.

“Come in.” 

The autocratic voice of her father woke her up from her own thoughts suddenly. Finally stepping inside and closing the door behind her. When she was about a meter away from her parents, Soojin bowed down in front of them before standing up straight again.

“Sit down darling, we need to catch up.” 

Catch up? She wanted to scoff at her words so badly, but she knew her mother only means better. She at least tried visiting her whenever she can and stay with her for long months on end. Unlike her father who never communicated with her, not once, not even one phone call. Not even a letter or an email.

“Are you finally settled in your room?” 

Soojin's mother initiates when she didn’t talk.

“Yes.” 

She lied. She was only been there for thirty minutes straight from her flight when she was summoned by both of them all of a sudden.

“Good to hear dear. Here, have some melon. They’re from Japan. The sweet kind which is your favorite.” 

Her mother smiles sweetly as she pushes the bowl of melons and softly laid down a spare fork on a table napkin in front of her. Soojin finally looks up and saw her father looking at her stoically. Equally, if not more, unemotional as she's trying to be.

“I’m going straight to the point Soojin-ah…” 

Her father’s words trail off as he clears his throat and straightens his sitting. Soojin heaves a long inhale of breath to prepare whatever he will say to her.

“There will be a corporate ball on Friday and I want you to come with us, your mother and I.” 

He wasn’t even asking Soojin if she would like to come, it’s more of a command and to be honest she's used to being told what to do all your life. It doesn’t surprise her anymore.

“Okay.” 

Were the only response she gave and her mother let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh let’s go shopping for dresses tomorrow, my darling! I can’t wait to take you out.” 

Soojin's mother claps her hands enthusiastically with a dreamy look on her face.

“Me too, mom.” 

Soojin gave her a stale reply and her smile dropped almost immediately.

“What is wrong, dear?” 

Her mother asks.

“I’m sorry mom, I’m just tired that’s all,” 

Soojin said as she tries to give her a smile, but it feels more like a grimace to her.

“Oh honey, I will send vitamins and supplements to help your jet lag. Go back to your room now and rest, I will see you tomorrow.” 

Her mother stood up from her seat to walk around where she was and gave her a warm kiss on the forehead. She stood Soojin up from the couch and walked her to the door. She didn’t even protest and just followed suit. She gave Soojin another kiss on the cheek before closing the door behind her.

— — —

As Soojin look at her own reflection in the mirror; her hair up in a low side bun with loose curls framing her made-up face. Face and eyes dusted lightly with muted colors, but lips as red as the long backless dress that hugs her toned body perfectly. Soojin sees herself but she know that is not the real her.

“You look so beautiful Ms. Lee.” 

Soojin’s newly appointed personal assistant, Mia, compliments her as she enters the bedroom of her hotel suite. Mia gives her a warm smile and she knew she’s not just saying that. Soojin can tell in Mia’s eyes that she really means it.

“Thank you, Mia.” 

Soojin acknowledges her praise and offer her the same warm beam she gave her. Mia kneels down beside her to fix the hem of her red gown.

“It’s time to go, my dear.” 

Soojin hears her mother call out for her from the outside of the room. Her parents were waiting for her as she was getting dolled up simultaneously by six people, including her mother’s own makeup artist. He said it’s the first time he saw Soojin and didn’t know she existed until now. Soojin smiled politely and told him that she was studying abroad since she was a child and not exiled by her own flesh and blood. He doesn’t need to know that part of her life.

“I’m coming…” 

You called back out a response and your PA handed you a small Swarovski clutch that matches your shoes and the simple diamonds you personally picked to accessorize your ears, neck, wrist, and finger. Thankfully, your phone perfectly fit the clutch and you inserted it inside and closed it before glancing back in the mirror in front of you. Once you’re satisfied with your appearance, you turn your heels to the direction of the slightly ajar door to exit, your PA tailing your every move.

“Oh, you are so breathtakingly beautiful, darling!” 

Your mother clapped her palms together once she saw you. Her eyes twinkle as she reaches out to you for a hug. You gladly accept her arms and she squeezed you ever so slightly as to not ruin both your clothes. Your father cleared his throat that made you look at him and his lips are slightly curled up in a minuscule smile but he immediately dropped it when he realized you’re looking.

You think thirty minutes into the program of the banquet the people would finally stop looking your way. But you are wrong; a lot of them are still sneaking a glance or two down your way where you were situated. Some a look of adoration and some are blank. But you choose to ignore them just as much as your parents did. They are probably used to being stared at being one of the richest people in this country.

“Let’s welcome on the stage, the third generation owner and former CEO of Byun Group of Companies, Chairman Byun, and his son, the current CEO Mr. Byun Baekhyun.” 

The host calls out and every soul inside the big banquet hall applauded. You placed your clutch on the table and proceeded to clap your hands a few times before dropping them on your lap.

An older man about the same age as your father walked up the stage with his head held high and another man who is taller and younger with navy blue suit walking behind him. His mid-brown colored hair brushed up in a side sweep style. From where you were seated, you can tell he is very handsome. And for a brief moment, your eyes met with his. He gave you the smallest, tiniest smile before he looks away from you and proceeded to walk the steps up the stage. Your heart skipped a beat after the microscopic interaction.

“As you all know, we are all gathered here tonight to celebrate the CEO position of Byun Group of Companies being filled by my only son Baekhyun…” 

You were awoken from your thoughts when the older man mentions the name of the handsome heir that you locked eyes with minutes ago.

“We are also celebrating another ten years of partnership with Lee Transport Group, one of the world’s largest shipping company based here in our mother land, owned by my very close friend since childhood, Lee Seungho.” 

Chairman Byun pointed at your father and the people roared with applause and happy congratulatory cries.

Your father pointed back at Chairman Byun with a happy smile you haven’t seen in a while. He stood up from his chair and walked to your direction. He stopped right in front of you and held out his palm up, in front of your face and he motioned for you to take his hand. You looked at your mother from beside you and she gave you a smile and a tiny assuring wink. Without any more hesitation, you took your father’s hand and let him lead the way. He probably just wants you to accompany him on stage, which your mother always do when functions and parties like this happen back when you were younger.

When you reached the stage, the host, who you happen to know as a well-known actor (Who Mia said she is a big fan of) motioned for you to stand beside the handsome Byun Baekhyun. You looked at the young man, who is, if you were being honest, even more, handsome up close, and are looking at you expectantly. His smile widens after he was done checking you out from head to toe. ‘Wow, really?’ you thought to yourself. You anticipated that he’s a really respectable man because he is a CEO after all, but you guess all men are still men.

You gave both men a small smile, trying hard not to roll your eyes and have them stuck permanently inside your head. When you stood beside Baekhyun, your shoulders almost touching his, the smell of his after shave or cologne hit your nose. It’s a very expensive musky smell and to your surprise, it’s not overpowering. The scent was soft but manly, not the smell you’re used to with boys back at University.

“Thank you for that remarkable introduction, my friend.” 

Your father spoke over the microphone. The applause and congratulatory cries are slowly dying down.

“I remember when my company was starting three decades ago, my friend here, Chairman Byun helped me a lot. He invested his time and effort to train me to be a business man. And in return, I gave him my loyalty. And to be honest there is no reason to not be loyal to Byun Group of Companies. Ever since the partnership started, both companies grew and never stopped growing ever since.” 

You father stopped and stepped away from the microphone. He pointed to the space he occupied for Chairman Byun to continue the collaborative speech. To which Chairman Byun happily obliged.

“And with that, we are happy to announce to all of you tonight the official engagement of not just the companies, but also our children.” 

Instantly, your smile faltered and snapped your neck to look at Baekhyun. He has the same shocked expression as you. You were about to speak up and protest to your father, but Baekhyun’s hand encircled your wrist to stop you.

“Smile.” 

He whispered in your ear as he led you to the front of the stage for the photographers to snap a million pictures of you and Baekhyun.

Your head started to spin and suddenly Baekhyun’s arm snaked around your hips to support you. You can hear the shutter sounds of the cameras and the applause of the crowd in the banquet hall. You lightly tug on Baekhyun’s suit and it made him gaze down on you. His smile reeled when he saw your obviously fake and twisted smile. He waved at the crowd for the last time and proceeded to usher you down the stage and out of the banquet hall.

***50% edited from 2nd to 3rd POV***

[positively-p0sitive]

Never-ending week 😵

Omg this week has felt so long It's been good stuff for the most part but soooo much happened Monday: worked over in Belmont Cragin hood, then came back and took my love @welcometosmashtown7 to the airport (I hate saying goodbye to you boo 😢) then came home and did some yoga Tuesday: last day at the Belmont Cragin school, which meant we had to move out at the end of the day and then one of the security guards who was maybe mid-30's with crazy ice blue eyes was casually flirting with me but it was all good bc he helped us move out 👌🏼 then I went to Nini's after work and organized paperwork and brought dinner home to my parents. And after a nap I went walking with my friend's mom and her dog for 40 min Wednesday: we moved into a school near Midway called Global Citizenship and omg these kids are so aware and open minded. Except they didn't tell us that ~15 of the kids we were supposed to see were leaving in a field trip an hour into the day. Everything was great until one of our last groups, when a girl who had eaten too much at lunch vomited in the chair and it got all over her hair and I felt so bad for her and the people working on her. Then we had to pack up and move the equipment upstairs so we could finish the kids that went on the field trip the next morning. After work I headed straight to my therapy appointment, then drove home through the nonstop rain and sterilized all the instruments from the past two days, then headed to acupuncture. Thursday: went to the school to finish the kids, then had to pack up and move everything to their second location 4 blocks away. We saw 50 kids and they were so entertaining! Then we had to move everything out, meaning we had been working from 8-3:30. I drove home, had 30 min to get ready for work, then worked at the studio from 5-9:30 doing 3 deep tissue massages. A 14 hour day 😅 And now TODAY (Friday) is MY FIRST DAY OFF IN SIXTY DAYS. IT FEELS SO STRANGE. But I'm meeting with my friend this morning to do yoga and massage trades and have tea so that is totally what i want to do with my day off 🙌🏼 PS the security guard found me on Instagram, has a 8-9 year old son, has the same name as my brother, then messaged me the night after we moved out. That's like three red flags right there. I responded casually, commenting that he managed to find me and asking how things were going, and he replied that he remembered my name from my nametag and that he thought I was very attractive when we'd pass in the hallways. I didn't reply because a) I was swamped at work all day and b) already were seeing the red flags. Then my coworker asks what his name is so she can find him on fb and she did and THIS MF'ER IS FREAKING ENGAGED. LIKE LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AGO. AND NOW HES PULLING THIS CRAP?! I feel so sorry for his fiancée because this is a very low low. So I haven't replied and then he messaged me last night asking for my number saying he's "a really cool guy. Seriously, hands down" Sorry bro but I do not believe you 😂

[carasueachterberg]

This week the pups morphed from guinea pigs to real puppies. They are growling and wrestling and starting to even notice the toys I’ve placed in their box. I tried a few Live Streams but as about 23 hours of their day is spent sleeping both ‘puppy hours’ mostly featured a big pile of pups napping. I will try again this week.

Mia continues to be an all-business mom, getting the job done and getting back out of the box. She is much more interested in what is happening in the rest of the house or the other dogs.

Below are the entries for this week. If you’d like to read them in real time (and maybe catch a puppy hour livestream) be sure to follow my public Facebook page.

Diary of a Rescue Day 8:

Everyone got noisy today. Mia has decided she does not want to be in that puppy room. She would like to come out and play with the other dogs in the house. It’s obvious she is a young dog and being cooped up with those little vultures is getting to her.

I tried to walk her more and to give her time in the hallway instead of only the puppy room. I’m hesitant to allow her access to the other dogs yet. With every other Mama dog I’ve waited until the puppies were weaned to introduce the mama dog to our pack. I still think that’s the best way so likely I will wait but we may try walking her with a Fanny, my young female dog who will eventually be her best playmate.

The puppies are also getting noisier and more active. It makes me wonder if their ears are starting to open. They are still wobbly and awkward but they are beginning to play and wrestle.

Because we all need some more positive stories to follow, I am going to try to post more video of the puppies. I’m going to set up my phone to stream a LIVE hour of puppies tomorrow from 11:30-12:30 EST. Can’t promise there won’t be poop or household noise but hopefully watching puppies will be much better than watching the news!

#stayhomeandsavelives and watch #puppies!

Diary of a Rescue Day 9:

They get a little more active each day. Today I weighed them all and everyone except Usnavi and Cinderella broke the two pound mark. If we have the birthdate more or less right, the growth chart puts them between 40-50 pounds. They seem small to me though so we’ll see if they stay on that trajectory.

Little personalities are starting to emerge. Dolly is very curious and outgoing, Usnavi is mischievous, Mr Mistopheles is very mellow (and the biggest pup), Evan Hansen is charming, and Calamity Jane is a bit of a noodge.

This morning I did my first ‘Puppy Hour’ and live streamed them for an hour. I will try again tomorrow but do it in the afternoon when they are more active.

I am trying to post as often as possible because I know people can use some happy media. Please take care of yourselves and look out for your neighbors.

#puppiesMakeEverythingBetter #opttoadopt

Diary of a Rescue Day 10:

At almost three weeks old the puppies biggest activity is sleeping. Still, I can spend inordinate amounts of time just watching them sleep- the little twitches, the mewling, the rolling over and getting stuck between siblings. All of it is adorable.

This weekend I thought I’d share a little of their days by live streaming a ‘puppy hour’ each day. I enlisted my son to rig up a holder for my iPhone and then I announced the appointed hour.

Saturday’s Live stream, while probably too far away at least had a little activity when Mia popped in and out of the pen and even settled down to nurse.

Sunday, though, was a solid hour of sleeping puppies, except when the phone holder slipped and then it was ten minutes of towel before Nick fixed it and then it was back to sleeping puppies.

I’ve decided I will give it a few days and then try the live stream again. With all that is going on in our world, I think a puppy hour would be a nice break from nonstop bad news.

Hopefully the next one will be a bit more entertaining.

Mia continues to spend her days at the gate, hoping someone will take her out for a walk. She is definitely ready for the single life.

#puppylife #nappinglife #opttoadopt

Diary of a Rescue Day 11:

It’s hard to get pictures of the pups with eyes open- when they are awake they are busy- stumbling around, nursing, or pooping. I caught a few today, though. They are looking less like guinea pigs and more like puppies.

Mia has been spending a lot of time in the hallway outside the puppy room, lying at the gate that separates the hall from our living room. From that spot she has been watching my husband install a hardwood floor. He says she reminds him of a toddler, easily amused watching ordinary things.

(I think he’s remembering our kids as babies, certainly by the time they were toddlers they were rarely content to ‘watch’ anything- they’d have made a big mess of all the stuff from the living room currently piled in that hallway!)

If we must be stuck at home, home with puppies isn’t such a bad deal. I hope you are fairing well and finding a few silver linings of this situation.

#staysafeandsane #togetherbutapart

Diary of a Rescue Day 12:

Today my kids, Ian and Addie, are in charge of the crew. My husband and I made a quick trip down to our cabin in the mountains of Virginia to cut the grass, address the carpenter bee infestation, and deal with the results of me leaving bananas on the counter the last time I was down here two weeks ago.

Thankfully, the bananas held up okay and the house wasn’t filled with fruitflies (as anticipated), but the bees are out in force and the exterminator is coming tomorrow. (I hate the idea of killing any bees, even ones that are eating my house, so hopefully he will have ideas how to not just evict them but keep them from coming back.)

So far, the meager first-hand reports are that the puppies and Mia are doing fine. Ian sent a few pictures. I’m sure they will seem so much bigger when I see them again tomorrow. I can check on them via our puppy cam and everything looks fine, at least on camera. My kids have helped care for dozens of puppies by now so I’m confident the pups are in good hands.

#togetherwerescue #mykidsareprettygreat

Diary of a Rescue Day 13:

The pups are three weeks old now. Tonight I weighed them. Smallest is 1 lb 11oz (Usnavi) and biggest is 2lbs 11oz (Mr. Mistopheles).

They got their second dewormer tonight and it went much better than last time- everyone slurped it up and looked for more. While I was deworming them, I noticed that there are teeth coming in, so later this week I will introduce some soft puppy mush. Solid food is the first step towards Mia’s independence, which she desperately needs.

Mia is a mischievous one, already trying to figure out how to climb out, pulling everything down within reach, and attentively watching out her gate at all times. She can’t wait to join the other dogs and this household.

Everyone faired just fine in my absence. It is awfully nice to have such competent kids (well really starter-adults).

#puppyhouse #happytobehome

Diary of a Rescue Day 14:

There is little to say beyond the cuteness, so I’ll let it speak for itself…

Thanks for reading!

Cara

If you’d like regular updates of all my foster dogs past and present, plus occasional dog care/training tips from OPH training, be sure to join the Facebook group, Another Good Dog.

For information on me, my writing, and books, visit CaraWrites.com. I have a new book, One Hundred Dogs and Counting: One  Woman, Ten Thousand Miles, and a Journey into the Heart of Shelters and Rescues, coming out in July. If it sounds like something you’d like to read, I’d be beyond grateful if you’d consider preordering it. Preorders contribute to the success of the book, not only giving me and my publisher some peace of mind but hopefully attracting media attention.

And if you’d like to know where all these dogs come from and how you can help solve the crisis of too many unwanted dogs in our shelters, visit WhoWillLetTheDogsOut.org.

Our family fosters through the all-breed rescue, Operation Paws for Homes, a network of foster homes in Virginia, Maryland, D.C., and south-central PA.

If you can’t get enough foster dog stories, check out my book: Another Good Dog: One Family and Fifty Foster Dogs . It’s available anywhere books are sold.

I love to hear from readers and dog-hearted people! Email me at carasueachterberg@gmail.com.

Need some good news for a change? How about #puppies?Diary of a Rescue Week Two #fosterdogs This week the pups morphed from guinea pigs to real puppies. They are growling and wrestling and starting to even notice the toys I’ve placed in their box.

[bambibambis]

wednesday january 2, 2019

i can't believe 2018 is over. time is going by so fast lately.

a lot has happened in the past few weeks. i think i need to start writing everything down. it's hard to figure things out without keeping track of what i already learned.

okay so where do we begin. things have been really rocky with harry. i can feel in my bones when things are good and when things are bad and my bones were telling me girl, you are in danger! i'm not sure how in detail i should get. on the one hand i need to remember everything to make sure it doesn't happen again. on the other hand i would love to erase this from my memory

from november 16th to december 7th harry had been sending nude photos of himself to kaya and receiving photos from her. it's really sad to think about. the devastation of being betrayed in such a selfish and thoughtless way at least brought some interesting experiences. during that time i received several signs that something was wrong. i want to get them all down so i know what to look for in the future.

on the 18th we went to a tash sultana concert. i knew something was wrong. he felt a million zillion light years away from me.

during the week that followed, one day i went in my room and saw harry doing something weird with his phone and his dick. i just thought he was jerking off or some weird shit but he was probably sending pictures to her. my gut told me to talk to him about it but i didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. in that same week my instagram was flooded with pictures of her. i thought she looked really dumb and it made me happy that she was making a public fool of herself so i showed them to harry and he laughed along with me but i could tell it was insincere.

i went out on the day before thanksgiving. before i went out harry gave me a lecture about how i need to be a better girlfriend. that's so funny to me now that i know he was texting pictures of his dick to his ex girlfriend not even a few hours before the lecture. we i went out i got really really drunk and had an emotional breakdown even though i didn't know why. i texted bryan hi and then texted him again saying never mind. he texted me back saying happy thanksgiving. historically, i only feel like texting bryan when harry is texting kaya.

thanksgiving weekend was hard. he was acting so weird and distant and we spent the whole weekend being sad and not talking. couldn't bring myself to kiss him or touch him and i didn't know why.

things kept being weird until the 1st of december. by then i felt happy with harry and i think he felt happy again with me. i'm not sure what shifted our energy. that night julia said something weird about how she used to have a crush on harry. the next night we went out to house of yes. our friend patsy came. she's kaya's friend too. julia got her tarot read. the tarot card reader said something like "stay away from harry." that made me mad because it was the second harry related thing coming from julia. i freaked out and yelled at harry as if i was yelling at julia. i think now it was just the universe telling me that something is going on between harry and a girl that's not you.

the next weekend harry went to court on the 7th. he later told me that after court he got coffee with kaya and told her they have to stop sending nudes to each other. we had a good weekend. on the drive home i told him the plans i made for his birthday. i said that i wanted it to be a surprise but i just couldn't keep any secrets from him. i had to tell him or else i would die of anxiety. he later said that made him feel bad, knowing that he was keeping something so big from me.

on the 12th we got an amazing 6 month anniversary dinner and went ice skating. when we got back the room was covered in rose petals.  i was happy.

on the 13th he left for shalom mountain. that weekend allie tumminia and ally cirelli both told me that julia had told them she and harry used to exchange nudes. i thought it was weird that they were bringing that up but they were just trying to warn me that my man was out her sending nudes. bryan also texted me that weekend.

when harry got back from shalom mountain my heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest. i was so upset and i didn't even know why. i cried nonstop all week. we talked on monday night but it didn't make me feel any better. i told him that.

H: Think about it and we can talk more. I want you to be happy my love. I feel like I have built our relationship without being upfront about my needs to be independent (partially because I didn’t realize and partially because of fear) and perhaps I kind of pulled the rug out from under you. Maybe that’s part of what you’re feeling. I’m sorry if it is, it doesn’t change how much I love you and want you.

tuesday i went home from work early and just stayed in bed all day and night. we hardly talked. on wednesday he was mad.

H: [picture of like george and martha washington and their kids or some shit] Found this this am.... dis is what I want with you. I have to go to Long Island tonight cuz I got doctors appointments tmw early. I hope we can talk before I leave. I can’t have you shutting down like this baby. I don’t really understand what’s going on, I made a mistake but it seems like you’re just closing off and shutting down. What you did when I got home from this weekend and what you continue to do is not acceptable. You say that I never tell you what’s going on with me but that’s what you’re doing now. I certainly never shut down completely like this on you. This is so fucking stupid, you’re upset about me leaving you for the weekend and so you push me away? As if I don’t dedicate literally every moment of my life to loving you. I hope you can meditate on your feelings today and come home communicative and with half of the accountability for our relationship. I would like to have at least 1 day of my birthday week not be completely shite. I love you Victoria, you have a partner who loves you boundlessly and goes so far out of the way to show it to you. There’s no reason to be doing this shit.

V: I don’t know why you’re being so aggressive and defensive I didn’t even say you did anything wrong. Yesterday I was just feeling sad and confused and also very sick. Idc about you leaving for the weekend at all I never said it was about that ever not once. furthermore I apologized for how I acted on sunday. And I told you I was upset on Tuesday. i feel like you talked at me so crazy in this message and in your messages from yesterday and when we were talking on monday. Like I cannot believe you would speak to me like this. Im sorry that your life is so horrible because of me engulfing it and im sorry im ruining your birthday by being sick and sad.

H: I’m aggressive because I’m angry. I don’t like being treated this way. You apologized but have continued to do the same shit so that apology means very little. It’s not okay to put a wall between us like this. You barely even looked me in the eyes yesterday. Being sick and sad and confused is no excuse to cut me off. Whenever I’m sick sad or confused I still give you love and do what I can to show you I care. If you don’t feel like I didn’t do anything wrong, why were you so angry and why are you treating me this way? What I’m hearing is “I apologized for how I treated you but I’m going to continue treating you the same way because I’m sad and confused for an unspecified reason but I’m not upset with you. You’re crazy for feeling the way you do.” You’re calling me crazy for expressing how I feel. I understand I’m being angry but I’m also listening to your feelings, hearing them, and apologizing for my wrongdoing. I’m being affectionate and trying to be communicative. The fact that you are calling me crazy shows me that you’re unwilling to see where I’m coming from. I’m not calling you crazy, I’m actually hearing you, I just don’t understand where you’re coming from because you haven’t seemed to tell me yet. It’s so fucked up of you to be calling me crazy. Even if I’m not understanding you I’m not being fucking judge mental about it

V: “I feel like you talked at me so crazy” does not equal me calling you crazy. At all. You’re confusing me because you’re talking at me in a way that is so unlike you that I don’t even know how to respond. and you’re not listening to a word im saying and what you are listening to, you’re misconstruing or misunderstanding. I was just laying in bed yesterday I wasn’t acting like a demon. Im sorry I wasn’t all over you and on top of you but you knew I was having a rough weekend and rough day and also you just got done telling me how much I engulf your life and how much you needed to get away from me and be independent from me.

H: This is me angry. I’m sorry I’ve never really talked to you angry so it might seem crazy but it’s not. I’m not saying you were acting like a demon, I’m saying you continued to behave the way that you had previously apologized for, which implies that you aren’t sorry and that you don’t care how that behavior affects me. I didn’t say I needed to get away and you engulf my life. I just said I needed to find myself and regain dope independence. That means me doing things on my own and for me sometimes, because I ignore my own needs a lot of the time. That doesn’t mean when we’re together let’s not talk or make eye contact. I’m just trying to reclaim myself, not put a fucking ocean between us. You always are a little distant when you are having a rough time but this is more than that and I already said this really hurts me and you ready apologized but continue to do the same thing!!! I don’t expect you to be all over me when you don’t feel well, but it seems very little to expect eye contact or hi or how was your day or hey I’m not feeling well I need space or how did this incredibly huge thing you just did go? or at the very least a change in behavior from WHAT YOU JUST APOLOGIZED FOR. And I still. Do not know. Why you are so sad and confused. [America i just want to point out that he is giving so much attitude acting like he don't know why i'm sad and confused knowing full and damn well that he was a trifling ass and that i have telepathy and can tell he was doing some trifling ass shit.]

V: i don’t even know I just have a horrible terrible feeling that’s making me feel like the worst I’ve ever felt in my whole life.  Im sad that you are talking to me like im a baby infant. Im sad that you rather talk to strangers about yourself than me. im sad that you feel like you want to do incredibly huge things without me. In my head there are 2 kinds of things: things I want to do with you and things I don’t really want to do. You’re the one who said you wanted to share everything with me and now you’re acting like I have you in a cage and only let you out to eat and pee. No one ever said you cant do shit on your own. You’re like blaming me for not being independent enough and like trying to make up for lost time by yelling at me and making me feel bad. To me it feels like you went to shalom mountain and they told you to come back and bully tf out of me and you were like amazing idea. You’re the one who like demanded me to be vulnerable with you and demanded us to be open and one with eachother and this and that and now it feels like you are ripping yourself off of me after spending the last 6 months coming together.

H: I’m sorry you feel so terrible. Thank you, that helped me understand your feelings and my feelings so much more clearly. I needed to find myself on my own, without you. Not so long ago I told you I felt like I needed to find my individual self again and you said that was smart. I love you so much that I cared more about you and our relationship than I cared about myself. That’s not healthy for me or for us. My need for you overcame my want for you and that was fucking with us. That’s what makes me feel scared to express myself, that’s what makes me feel like I’m being punished. That’s not your fault, it’s just what happened. I needed to step back, find myself and come back to you. I could not do that journey with you. I need to be in this relationship because I love you, not because I’m scared to lose you. I don’t blame you for any of this, I have put myself in a cage of my own fear and my own need. I do feel that the part of you that is afraid supported my cage. But I know that the true you doesn’t want me in a cage and supports my individuality. You had your part to play, but I know I did this to myself and to us. I built a lot of our relationship out of fear. I am trying to kill that relationship. And that may be why you feel so terrible. But it’s okay we can start again. I want to build a new relationship out of love purified of fear. I’m coming back from Shalom being a bully for the same reason you came to Japan being a bully, we needed to rebalance. We are so out of whack Vic. We always make it work because we love each other but we’ve been out of balance since I lost my job. You know you’ve been dating a shadow of the boy you fell in love with. I went to Shalom and I found the boy you fell in love with again. That amazing open brave brilliant human that radiates light and love. I rediscovered how I don’t need a god damn thing in this world because I am perfect. I don’t need anything or anyone because I am already perfect love. And then everything was clear, and I realized how much I wanted you, how much I love you, but how our fear had been getting in our way. I just wanted to come home and feel you clearly and to hold you and to be held and I was so excited to tell you all this and to tell you about my experience and talk about going back together but when I came home I was met with fear and rejection and what felt like punishment for what I knew in my heart was exactly what I needed for me and for us. It felt so horrible and violating to finally feel like myself again, be so excited to be with you again, leave 20 strangers who loved me unconditionally and come home to the love of my life rejecting me. That makes me so angry. I understand this all didn’t happen in the best way and I’m so sorry my love, I left fearful and I gave you fear. That’s what I’ve been doing over and over. Pumping fear into our relationship. I shouldn’t have expected to come home to anything else but the fear I created. I am so so sorry for doing that to you. But I’m not scared anymore. I have found the love inside of me again and I feel like I can love you purely again, without fear. I’m asking you to let go of that fear with me and rejoin in unconditional love. I love you, you are so important to me.

V: There are so many things in this big ol essay that are so hurtful that I cant even think about right now. Im very glad you found yourself and im very glad 20 strangers love you unconditionally. Sorry I cant be them. I hope we can figure this out bc right now I don’t feel like the harry I fell in love with came back I feel like the harry that infuriated me in Japan came back. it’s really really horrible to hear that what I’ve been trying to do for 6 months and failing 20 random ass strangers did in 4 days. That crushes me into a million zillion pieces.

H: I’m sorry you felt that it was hurtful. I’m trying to be truthful so we can heal. I don’t want you to be them, I want you to be you. But I think all the fear in our relationship has gotten in the way of the unconditional love. You could have never succeeded, and the 20 strangers didn’t succeed either, I did it, I had to do it by myself. I just needed to be in a place where I was not around anything I was attached to. It’s just like last year except reversed. I was trying to save you but I was holding so much of the power, and you needed to break away to take it back and take yourself back. Then I think I became the scared one and you’ve been trying to save me but I needed to break away and take myself back. And maybe I have the power now so you feel like you did in Japan but I don’t want the power! I just want to share it with you. We need to find balance so 4 days doesn’t become 3 months

V: idk I just don't think we are ever going to see eye to eye on this. I never ever feel like someone has power and someone doesnt. I just thought you were feeling down and lost or whatever. idk this is so exhausting and sad I want to be done with it. Whatever i have to do to find the balance or whatever I will do bc i literally cant spend another second feeling this shitty.

that night we both went to long island together. i cried all night and he held me. it felt nice. i was happy he was taking care of me. it felt like he hadn't done that in a long time.

the next day i felt better and told him i was proud of him and happy for him. his mom sent me a video for my video montage. it was baby harry naked. his sister freaked out and was saying she didn't want us sending naked videos of harry. that's funny now bc harry was sending naked videos of himself.

later in the day i had to get a few more things off my chest.

V: I just want to communicate that me being so sad was never about the fact that you went away or about your new shift or you finding your center, that all makes me so happy and that’s all I ever wanted. I want you to be more independent and love your life and feel good what you’re doing on our beautiful planet. it was more about feeling like you didn’t appreciate our last 6 months together and that now that you found yourself you feel like you don’t need me and that you were looking down on me for not being spiritual enough or whatever. i just had this overwhelming feeling that you didn’t care whether we were partners or not and that made me feel very sad. It felt like you didn’t look at me as part of you anymore. it felt like I could be replaced by anyone and you would be just as happy. Idk if that’s true or not and i really hope it’s not true and that my feeling was just on bath salts or something but I think that is what I was feeling and why I was so sad. Nevertheless all I ever want is for you to be happy. It’s literally my driving motivation and I am so unmotivated but I am so motivated to make you happy. So im happy that you are feeling so great and I really can’t wait to have an amazing weekend celebrating both of my favorite holidays.

H: I appreciate you telling me this and explaining your feelings. I hear you. Thank you for loving me and caring for me so much and supporting me on my journey. That means the world to me. I appreciate the past 6 months so fucking much baby. I’m crying right now just thinking about it. I am so grateful for your love, your partnership and everything you’ve done for me. I don’t know how I could have survived these past few months without you. It means so much to me. These past few months would have been so much worse without you. But I do know that I don’t need you. I truly believe needing gets in the way of loving you. I am an amazing perfect human being on my own. I don’t need you to be amazing. But when I’m with you I feel twice as amazing and double perfect. I don’t need you [america, i want the record to show that i really appreciated getting some resolution but i was so so so fucking pissed when he said this i don't need you bullshit lmfao] but I want you because you are the cutest funniest smartest emotionally in touch gorgeous sexy thang I have ever seen. I love being around you and with you. You could not be replaced by anyone, you are such an amazing partner and we are fertilizers to each other’s inner beauty. That said, things have been out of balance. I know you don’t understand it or like it but our bonding pattern has been off. I think both of us have been driven by a lot of fear and need. And unconditional love is not fear and not need. I really don’t look down on you for not being spiritual enough, but I am sad at how much that aspect of our lives has been absent. I feel like you ridicule it and don’t want to talk about it or nurture that aspect of ourselves and our relationship. I don’t look down on you and I don’t want to be your therapist but how can I not talk at you about spirituality when you won’t talk with me about it? This is a huge part of my life. I’m never going to be without it and I feel like after we split up you didn’t want anything to do with it. I understand that may not be true but that’s the way I feel and we need to shift. I also want to mention that you don’t need me. You are a perfect amazing person on your own. You are the most amazing person I ever met! That’s why I love you!!! I love us because I love you. It’s not healthy to love us because we love us. We have to love us because we love each other. And that’s where I was having a problem. It felt like we were each half of one person rather than being each whole parts together making one couple. I love you, I want you, I love our partnership. I hope this doesn’t come off as therapy, I’m just expressing myself and my feelings.

V: i don’t mean to seem like I don’t want to talk about spirituality, I feel like I bring it up a lot we just do it in different ways bubba. It’s such an important part of my life too. Im always down to ruminate over the meaning of life but im also always gonna clown on it bc I clown on the things I love. I don’t feel like im the reason why it’s been less present in our lives and I don’t want you to feel that way either that’s upsetting. I think you just have that part wrong but I’ll make a more concerted effort to engage with it. and bitch I know im perfect ! I didn’t mean need need [i did mean need lol i just didn't want to get into it even more than we already were] I just meant like i felt like you didn't care whether or not I was with you. I worded that wrong [nah i said what i said]. I guess I just want to know that you would be sad if we broke up or I died or got kidnapped by the yakuza.

H: I’m glad you feel perfect! But I would be devastated if we broke up or you died or you were kidnapped by the Yakuza. I would survive but I would be an absolute mess for the longest time. I would be sadder than when George died and I would spend all my time Liam Neesoning or performing Voodoo resurrection spells. You and our relationship is so important to me they became more important than myself! THATS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU. But I just need my self-love to be above all things

we got dinner that night after our conversation. things still felt weird but at least they were tolerable. the next morning he said he was going back to shalom mountain and i got so fucking pissed lmfaoo. we spent the day and night hardly talking. he fell asleep early. bryan texted me and we spent that whole night talking. bryan asked me if i was happy and i said yes. he asked me if he was being an asshole for reaching out to me after breaking my heart. i told him that the facts are we had a long intense maniac relationship that meant a lot to both of us and ended quite abruptly and that that's no ones fault and it's normal for us to both be babies about it whenever we feel like it. he said that i was so cool and mature. i had a relationship, could still talk to an ex in a measured and authentic way. that i was cool as shit. i told him that meant a lot and that it felt like like i needed to hear that but didn't know it until right now. he said maybe it was meant to be. we ended the convo and i knew that something was going on with kaya. the pieces were beginning to add up in my brain even despite my learning disability.

the next day, saturday, the 22nd, we rounded the troops and headed down to philly for harry's birthday party. at one point in the evening i went to get a video off his phone for the video montage i made him. what i found was 293847638292874632746786423892743075403598753486327r532768473890540938657439754036546594867458 videos of him and kaya having sex. that was a really pleasant experience for me. i didn't want to derail the party so instead i just kept my cool and continued to be the best host of all time. my friend ryan could tell i was upset and asking me if it was bc of the kaya thing. in my head i was like what fucking kaya thing bitch these are old videos so i know you ain't talking about this. so then i was doubley mad. he said "i'm sure the whole thing will implode." girl, i was seeing red. but i didn't want to ruin his birthday so we kept it moving.

later in the night we took some slamming molly and my third eye blew wide open. i told him i knew he wasn't telling me something and asked him to please just spit it out. he told me everything. i wasn't that mad at first. i understood. i really really did. when the molly started wearing off, i started crying so hard. i was so sad. i was crushed. heartbroken. i couldn't even look at him. it was still nice though. i really felt like i was with harry for the first time in a long long time. even though my heart was broken it was great to see him.

things since then were good but now they are back to rough. i'm still trying to make sense of it all and i'll get into more later. i wanted to get this chunk down so i don't forget.

[sunkissis]

Our time here has felt like light speed. The year before we moved Paris was the longest of my life. Now the days are flying by in an instant. So, what is life living in Paris like? It’s amazing, complicated, sometimes cold, strenuous, always exciting and the best thing that has ever happened to me (with exception to marrying Antz and having Olivia!)

This is just one of the hundreds of beautiful blue doors of Paris. I get caught up in the beautiful mix of this city’s architecture and the urban dirt. Besides my obvious tourist uniform, I know I stand out here because I’m the only person who looks up at the building and I always take not of the stamps found of buildings that show the architect and the year it was built. I appreciate every little detail. I also am constantly hunting for Invader mosaics using his app on my phone. I have already found 48 just this month.

I am going to keep it real. I love it here but it comes with the same issues as home. Most days are rad but some days suck too. I love the fresh food, the bread is insanely delicious and the charm of dining in French cafes never gets old. I do find eating at the cool places is becoming expensive, I miss In & Out drive thru and please, for the love of God, will someone bring blueberry bagels to France? They literally have every flavor but my favorite! We don’t yet feel completely settled because we will be changing apartments next month so we are still living out of our suitcases. We also haven’t figured out the final step of finalizing our visas which is stressing me out but also Merde, we have 90 days to get it together.

Our first week here was heaven. Antz had the week off from work and Liv wasn’t enrolled in school yet. Since we had the rental car for a few days it made getting around town a piece of cake. We took road trips, explored the streets of Paris and stocked up on groceries. When I took the car back at Charles du Gaulle airport, I took the Metro home. I was quite proud of myself for taking public transportation 45 minutes through Paris, at night, by myself. I would never have done that in Los Angeles but the Metro is relatively safe although you do have to be aware of pickpockets. We purchased monthly Metro passes with the help of a kind Metro worker who didn’t speak any English. The Navigo passes require your photo on them so I was able to use our rejected visa photos. Monthly passes cost 75 euros each but I think that’s a bargain since we use them several times a day! So far the hardest part about using public transportation is the nonstop walking and stair climbing. Inside of the Metro is an underground labyrinth that seems to never end. The train line we take most often is the furthest away and about 5 stories deep. There is something I will never get used to when using public transportation. Total invasion of personal space! I get it, most times the train or bus is packed with hundreds of commuters trying to get to their destination however, I get so annoyed when strangers touch me or lean against me. I know that sounds very American gross of me but I like my bubble. Also, I get stared at…ALL THE TIME. I’m used to people looking at me, I look like a giant baby doll but this is awkward, borderline rude staring. I get the full up and down look and I’m not sure if it’s judgement because I am the only person in Paris who wears bright colors, is a foot taller than everyone and I’m usually dancing with my headphones on or confusion. Either way, I have a tough skin when it comes to the staring or I stick my tongue out at them and they stop. On the brighter side, despite my self-admitted laziness, we are walking so much more now than we ever have. All three of us have lost pounds since our arrival and I can see a difference in how my clothes are fitting. My wedding rings are loose on my finger!

One thing I will say I am impressed about French people is they are avid readers. Nearly everyone reads on the metro. I have already finished reading Ready Player One in a few weeks which is something I never seemed to have time to do in LA.

Everywhere we walk there are public bikes for rent called Velib. Liv is always asking us to rent them so one day I couldn’t take her asking anymore so I gave in. Turns out the bike seat wouldn’t lower enough for Liv’s height so she was having trouble steering and braking. Instead of using the hand brakes (her bike at home is a beach cruiser so she is used to foot brakes) she would just jump off the pedals and let the bike drop. It wasn’t going to work. Antz ended walking with her the rest of the way home but I enjoyed my bike ride until I got off and realized how my butt was sore.

We had to do some shopping to commence our life in Paris so we hit up my two favorite stores, Bonton and Merci!

Me plotting on how to steal this fiat I can’t even fit in!

Antz needed a new scarf so he tried on almost every scarf they had. I don’t know who suggested paisley print for mens scarves but he opted for a simple yet stylish chambray blue. I browsed the lovely Merci en Rose pop up shop but I didn’t get anything. I may go back and get a Merci tote bag (hard to pick a color). I also want those eyeglasses that make me look like an adult with a PhD. Liv almost talked us into buying her this adorable fisherman hat but it was just too small. I hope to find it in medium.

When they finally pulled me out of Merci we walked to Bonton, a rad kids store that has toys, clothes, accessories and furniture. I knew the only way to get Liv from bugging us about renting bikes was to get her a scooter. Every kid (and some adults) has a scooter here. I liked that she had something fun to do during our long walks and Antz didn’t have to worry about her crashing like the bike. She even paid for her own bell with her euros from Aimee.

I haven’t seen the kid walk ever since!

  The second week Antz went back to work (from home) and I was devoted to enrolling Liv in school. This part really sucked. Before we left LA, I spoke with our school’s campus director (French version of a Principal) and he wrote Olivia a letter in French to give to her new school’s director. He gave me a list of documents we needed to enroll her, the school calendar and a list of school supplies. He seemed confident that we wouldn’t have any issues with enrollment. Monday morning we took Olivia to visit the school to meet the Campus Director and inquire about enrollment. We didn’t have an appointment so we arrived when school started at 8:30 am. Of course no one in the school staff spoke English so we stood around smiling and nodding for several minutes until Liv was somehow able to translate that we wanted to meet the director. The director reminded us of a character from Harry Potter but he was very friendly and kind. He took us upstairs and with very limited English, we discussed our desire to send Liv to his school. He told us he would love Olivia to come to his school and he complimented her French.  I almost hugged him with joy but he also mentioned, if we had the correct address for enrollment, he would welcome her. As we were leaving we asked to peek into a classroom to get an idea of what the environment was like. I was impressed to see the students all stand whenever the director enters a classroom. We used to do the same thing in Catholic school. We even had to stand anytime we spoke during class. Kids today have no idea how easy they have it! Liv mentioned how they didn’t have a smartboard like her school in LA. She hasn’t used a regular chalkboard in class before. He told the class that Liv was from Los Angeles and they looked at her like she was a celebrity. I was so excited for Liv to start school in a few days!

When it was time for me to go to the Mairie (town hall) to enroll Liv in school things got much harder. Back home, I researched everything I would need to enroll Liv in the school. I knew I needed to bring her birth certificate, proof of address, our passports and her vaccinations. The day we went for some reason, I totally forgot to bring her French translated birth certificate. We had to come back with them and the woman informed us that because of our address, we would be assigned to another school. Olivia had to act as  our translator and due to the nature of our conversation, there were many words she didn’t understand or didn’t know how to translate. I tried my best to explain to the Mairie woman why we wanted to attend that school but she wouldn’t change her mind. It was the famous French bureaucracy that I had always heard about. It really wasn’t a matter of me talking her out of this, it was our address that dictated which school Liv would attend. I left the Mairie in tears. I have never felt more frustrated. The main reason we moved to France was for Olivia’s education and I wasn’t going to settle for just any school. It was my shittiest day here. The next morning, I brought her French translated birth certificates, copies of our passports, I made an appointment to meet with a doctor to translate her vaccination chart into French and I had to pick up an original document to prove our French address. Once I arrived at the Mairie, I felt determined to win this woman over and knew that I had one more chance to try to get Liv into the school I wanted. When I arrived at the Mairie, the woman told us she was leaving for lunch and I needed to talk with her colleague. The colleague had no idea what we were asking her and she was even meaner than the first woman. When I say she was mean, it’s more of a blunt attitude. French people aren’t very smily and sweet like I’m used to. I was learning that if you don’t have the right paperwork here, you are screwed. She didn’t seem to understand that I was in the process of getting Liv’s vaccinations translated (I had an appointment later that day) and she keep requesting copies of paperwork the other woman had already approved. I ended having to ask Antz to email me documents and walking to a print shop and getting the copies printed three separate times that day. Since it was Friday and the Mairie closed at 4:30, I finally called it quits. I was panicked. Liv was supposed to be enrolled by the first week and starting school the next Monday and I still hadn’t made any progress for getting her into the school we wanted. I spent all night trying to figure out a plan. I went back to the Mairie on Monday and decided, I’m going to sit here as long as it takes to get Liv into the school. I finally had all the documents I needed. I was still waiting for the French vaccinations but she seemed to be fine with us showing the school once we had them. I sat there for three hours confused at Liv’s translations and feeling ill that I would have to enroll her into another school. She finally said she needed to speak to her boss about making an exception. I guess she saw that this crazy American wasn’t going to leave until I got what I wanted. She called the campus director and I was like Yay! He will vouch for us. When she got off the phone she was like, the campus director told you he would welcome you at his school IF you had the right address to enroll. Oooh No! So, after a stare down she went upstairs and told Olivia something about having to speak to the mayor. I thought Liv’s translation was off but shortly after, a guy in a suit came downstairs and sat down with us. He spoke a little English so he told me we didn’t have the right address for that school. I explained my situation to him and showed him the letter from Liv’s school director in LA. I have no idea what that letter says because it’s written in French but he made a phone call and then asked me why do you want to go to that particular school. I tried to explain but I’m sure he didn’t understand my English. He then said all the schools here are the same. I was like, I know parents of children that go to the school, I have researched this school online, I want the location of this school and then I stopped myself from saying I walked past the school everyday daydreaming about Olivia attending when I made a surprise visit to Aimee. Whomever he called I owe them my gratitude because the woman printed a form and told me to sign it and was like, Okay you can go to that school! I almost passed out with joy. It took me a week longer to get her in but the next Monday would be her first day of school.

I can’t believe that the morning of Liv’s first day we woke up to this white powdery magic!

Her first day was rad! She spent the first hour sitting in a fourth grade classroom. Everyone thought she was ten years old! She said at recess the kids were crowding around her like she was Michael Jackson. The best part is she had no problem with the language barrier. She has already made several really good friends. Her school starts at 8:30 am then at 11:30 they get an hour and a half for lunch and it’s served in an actual cafeteria! I thought those only existed in movies from the 80s. She isn’t so excited about eating French food but at least she’s trying new things. The rest of her day is from 1 pm – 3 pm, then after-school activities until 4:30 pm. She has an acting class and has joined the chess club. On Wednesdays they are dismissed early (at 1:30) so she goes to ballet class.

I researched a dance school when I came to visit Aimee so when we arrived, I signed her up for a month of classes. To my surprise, we showed up for the youth ballet class but everyone looked much older. I mistakenly thought one of the students was the instructor because no one spoke English. I could tell Liv was way out of her comfort zone. The teacher is BRUTAL! She doesn’t look like a ballet dancer but halfway through the class she unhooked her bra and kicked off her heels and started busting some serious moves. I was able to sit in the first class but I didn’t understand anything. Liv looked like a deer in headlights and I thought she would burst into tears any second. The teacher did a lot of shouting, clapping and stomping, it was intense but I loved that she pushed Liv and introduced discipline she has never experienced before. It wasn’t as strict as I’ve seen Russian ballet schools but it was not at all like her sweet, patient teacher at her ballet school in LA. After class one of the students tried to translate in English. All I understood was the teacher said Liv has deformed feet. I’m sure that was just a poor translation. I managed to take some secret photo during the class.

The woman in black is who I thought the instructor was. That is her teacher with the fiery red hair! At first, I didn’t think her teacher (aka Madam Black Swan) would allow her to stay but she met us in the courtyard and told Liv she was up for teaching her to Liv’s dismay.

  She definitely outgrew her old shoes and leotard so we headed to the famous Repetto Paris store. I was surprised that she chose black this time. My seven and a half year old teenager!

This was my kid’s face after her almost two hour class! Three weeks later, she’s really enjoying the class. She still groans about having to go but she comes out showing off her new skills and her posture is visibly improving. I know it will only make her a more skilled and stronger dancer. (did someone say Stage Mom?)

We had to celebrate that challenging week with a date at Princess Crepe.

It took me ages to find her a backpack for school. I originally wanted to use her Kanken backpack but it was obvious it was too small and every single kid at her school has this adorable French bag called Tanns. I asked some of the Moms where I could find them and they told me to go to Le BHV (a fancy mall). We only found a lame Frozen one. Finally, we walked around the neighborhood and bam! We realized there was a huge luggage store right around the corner from her school.

We all weighed in and this pink one was her choice. We added the iron-on patches of course.

So with school all sorted out, I think I have the grocery shopping here down to a science. The first thing I learned is shopping on Sundays is limited unless you head to the Bastille Marche which is a wonderful, large farmers market. I was bummed because they already sold out of the Spanish paella.

Monoprix has been my one-stop-shop, much like Target in LA, it has everything from clothes, to school supples, to groceries, to linens. I have a great Boulangerie (bakery) around the corner that I love but I’ve been pretty bummed for the last few days because they have been sold out of butter croissants. When that happens, I stroll down a small street nearby and find another bakery however, I have found that the croissants just aren’t as good. I think most fruit stands anywhere have consistently fresh produce but because they don’t soak everything in chemicals and pesticides like in the US, fruit spoils very quickly. We usually eat all the fruit on our walk back to the apartment. We still go all the way to the 10th arrondissement to our favorite boucherie (butcher shop) that sells our incredible rotisserie chicken and roasted potatoes. That has been our favorite meal since we arrived. The guys know us because we go there once a week!

I am so impressed by the level of quality and presentation the food is at Monoprix. Exhibit A: The meat and seafood section

Something as simple as buying bacon requires a variety of tasting different meats and having the butcher hand cut a half a kilo (that’s always weird to us). I don’t know half of the meat they sell but everything looks perfect. I have never seen so many different varieties of cheese. When we first went shopping Liv was like, can we just please get plain old yellow cheddar?

The shopping baskets at Monoprix aren’t this chic. I wouldn’t have much need for a wheeled basket in LA, but I bought this cute one from Olliella to use (when it’s not raining) to carry our heavy loads home. The plastic carts at the store barely roll, have a handle that is always broken and the insides look like someone threw up on them.

How cute is this guy?

One of Liv’s favorite thing to do is use the fresh orange juice machine at Monoprix. Why isn’t this wonderful machine in every grocery store in America??!!

We drink a large bottle every single day. Feeling healthy AF! There’s a little section in Monoprix devoted to “American” products like regular mustard (the French only use Dijan), pancake mix, syrup and oddly Nerds candy (my favorite!). I was dumbfounded to discover there is no steak sauce anywhere in Paris. After complaining about it to Aimee she send me a care package with a lifetime supply of A-1 sauce.

  So what’s it like eating in Paris? Expensive! We are lucky to have Chef Antz prepare fresh butter croissants and omelettes for breakfast most days but when we eat out, it’s always an 80 euro bill. It’s hard not to indulge in decadent meals and the kid loves ordering escargot. I pushed myself to try something new so I order a duck dish with roasted carrots and potatoes. I liked it but I probably won’t order it again (too gamey for my taste). We usually stick with a fish or chicken entree.

We have been guilty of eating at a few American restaurants as well. For my birthday we went to a Texas BBQ place called Melt, that was incredible. Best Brussel sprouts I’ve ever had.

Oh yeah, I am quarante-et-un now. This old lady had a birthday last month. I already got my wish, duh! My sweethearts found this rad rainbow cake for me.

Antz and I had an early morning date at Breakfast in America (they have the fluffiest pancakes in Paris!) It’s nice to know we can take a break from the exhausting life of being French.

My biggest craving other than bread, butter and grapes has been popcorn! I go once a week to get fresh popcorn from the cutest place called Yummy Pop! which happens to be owned by Scarlett Johansson. It reminds me of kettle corn from the farmers market from LA and we have made friends with the girls who work there. They know my regular order and I know this may sound gross but it’s strawberry mixed with truffle parmesan popcorn.

The weather in France is not what I expected at all. When I was packing to come here, I brought heavy sweaters, scarves, gloves and winter coats. This is why we had so much luggage! I was preparing for blizzards and freezing temperatures. We have been pleasantly surprised with how much we enjoy the cold weather. It rains much more often than in LA but we haven’t been too cold. There have been a couple of times we were caught in a downpour without our umbrellas. I am getting used to wearing a coat or jacket and a scarf everyday. Even the few days when it snowed it’s been bearable.

We are starting to get warmer weather. When the rain stops the sky is the most vibrant blue. Spring is here! This is a park close to Liv’s school. I cannot get over how beautiful this city is.

So that sums up our first month here. This post almost took a month to finish because I was having some technical issues with getting my photos and videos to upload. Needless to say, it’s been a fun whirlwind. I am hoping to take it easy in the next few weeks. Liv has two weeks of spring break vacation and we are taking a trip this weekend.

Merci my friends for checking in!

Bisous

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Moving Abroad: The first month Our time here has felt like light speed. The year before we moved Paris was the longest of my life.

[generousstudentpuppy-stuff-blog]

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To keep away from obtaining to iron your shirts when you unpack everything in your lodge place, pack your polo and dress shirts more very carefully. Use a hanging bag, and stack your gown shirts with each other. Then, beginning with the shirt in back, carry the arms around, stacking the arms and wrapping them close to keeps your shirts in area. Know the hotel's check out-in time. If you display up too early, you might discover by yourself sitting about the foyer, waiting around for your room to be prepared. If you foresee arriving before check-in time, make a get in touch with to the افضل فنادق جدة hotel and inquire if you can get there early. There are 3 things you have to do just before bringing your pet along on your holiday. Very first, find out if the lodge makes it possible for animals. Gather plastic grocery baggage so you are in a position to clean up any pet messes. Also, request a area away from other friends so that your pet does not bother them. If you are training for a marathon and have a weeklong business excursion prepared, you will find no reason to permit your working slip. Seem on-line for regional running groups in the metropolis in which you are heading to remain, and join them for their social operates. If there are not several teams, seem for regional running stores, as they also supply social jogs. It is typically valuable to pick a resort that consists of a free of charge breakfast. While a lot of of the breakfasts are not elaborate, they supply you a way to start off your working day off correct with no getting to look for for a location to try to eat. Numerous hotels provide a continental breakfast that contains, espresso, tea and pastries whilst others offer you cereal, eggs, pancakes, waffles and other breakfast food items. Likely eco-friendly is a growing pattern so it is no shock that accommodations are heading eco-friendly as nicely. It is fortuitous for you that there are fairly a whole lot of eco-friendly hotels available. Some of the newer resorts were built with inexperienced standards in thoughts. A lot of more mature resorts are environmentally mindful and have eco-friendly measures in spot. Converse with a travel agent to see if they can aid you select out hotels that care about the atmosphere. Be conscious of the check in and examine out times for the hotel at which you are being. If you get there as well early, your area could not be completely ready, and you may have to wait around a number of hours to access it. حجز فنادق مكهIf you are unsuccessful to verify out by the appointed time, you could be charged for an added day. Being aware of the hotel insurance policies with regard to verify in and examine out instances can preserve you some aggravation. Steer distinct of lengthy distance calls even though in a lodge. Try employing the Web instead to stay in contact. You can accessibility Skype with the Net link at your lodge. You can even now contact loved ones members, friends, and colleagues from your room with no racking up tons of costly costs. If your lodge delivers a kid's club, and you are taking into consideration leaving your youngster there, consider a number of safety measures. Locate out if the personnel has been through qualifications checks and ask about the youngster to grownup ratio. In addition, ask what the method is for finding up the child. You want to make certain that an individual can't just walk up and go away with your small one. Verify out the prices at the resort فنادق مكة website. Often the hotel website will have bargains that trump the resort discount internet sites out there. Ahead of you select a deal be certain to do this due diligence. You can even contact the resort to request if they have any unpublished costs. In no way ask for the minibar to be eliminated from your resort place. You may possibly feel this is a excellent way to make sure that you do not partake of the minibar even so, most resorts charge for this service. Instead, if you could be tempted to drink alcoholic drinks, acquire your favored beverage at a bundle shop. Will not drink the drinking water! You might be thirsty and tired. As a result, that bottle of drinking water on the tiny fridge may possibly seem extremely excellent to you. Resorts get gain of visitors by charging preposterous quantities for bottled drinking water. You may possibly find free of charge bottled water in the hotel gymnasium. Much better however, provide some bottles with you. As you know, remaining in a undesirable resort can wreck a trip. Whether or not it is enterprise or enjoyment, you require a lodge that can make you relaxed and fulfills your demands. So preserve the suggestions from the report previously mentioned in thoughts as you appear for a lodge and you will rapidly weed out the negative kinds and uncover the one particular that is right for you. See if the hotel is non-cigarette smoking or smoking. If you usually are not a smoker, then you want to stay away from using tobacco فنادق مكة rooms and maybe even cigarette smoking lodges in basic, but most resort chains do have using tobacco and non-cigarette smoking rooms. Even if you reserve a non-using tobacco place, the odor of smoke can flow into through the hotel's air vents and lead to your clothes to choose up the odor. Sometimes, smokers guide rooms that are non-using tobacco and smoke in any case. Request a non-smoking cigarettes room if you do not want to scent like cigarettes. Beware of the bottle of drinking water beside your mattress. Several accommodations demand as considerably as ten bucks for that bottle of water. Other products that you may not realize you will be billed for consist of: pool towels, newspapers and World wide web obtain. To make certain you are not being billed for objects you do not want study the wonderful print. If Wi-Fi is a extremely important amenity and you are searching to preserve a bit of income on your resort continue to be, it would be a great idea to keep at someplace that is mid-amount. While higher-conclude lodges could be a little bit cozier, they normally have a surcharge for World wide web use. If you checked out a resort price tag a couple of فنادق مكة months ago, be sure to check it out once again. Charges for resort rooms fluctuate not only week to 7 days, but also working day to day. There could be a new cost obtainable just due to the fact you waited. This is particularly accurate if there is a lot of further place stock. Until it is an emergency, often keep for the overall number of evenings that you have booked. The resort might demand you a charge for your early departure. When you book a lodge place, the lodge takes that place off the industry as a result, if you depart early they will lose income. So, they may possibly demand you a payment for early departure to change the decline in income. If you want to preserve money when scheduling a lodge place, contact the lodge directly. Tell them you happen to be interested in obtaining a good offer. Allow them know of any price reduction you may qualify for. This can contain federal government rates, senior costs, auto association playing cards or rates for organization travelers. Locating the proper resort for your desire vacation can be tricky. If you never know what you are carrying out, you can end up overpaying for some thing حجز فنادق المدينة that will not satisfy your expectations. This write-up supplied ideas that can support you make the proper decision. Preserve these in mind subsequent time you have to guide a lodge.