#or a version like this for Higgs maybe ���

[ahhrenata]

had to get this out of the system. Death Stranding got its grip on me (so has Norman Reedus 😅)

[slytherinprincesses17]

Part 1:The boy who flew too close to the sun and the girl who was made of sunlight

Summary: The part where Draco decides if you are the sun, then he must be Icarus

Author Note: Hello Everyone, This is my 1st Draco work! I'm very excited to share with you all, this takes pace in 4th year through 6th. I was inspired by Greek Mythology as well as Vincent Lima's EP Versions of Uncertainty. Reader is Terence Higgs, younger sister though it is not mentioned much in this one. Pure blood and one of the sacred 28 families. This going to be multiple parts! Im thinking maybe 4/5 !!

Please leave your feedback and comments!!

-K🍄

______________________________________________Draco Malfoy had known Y/N Higgs since childhood. His mother and yours were close from their Hogwarts years. So, you could often be seen frolicking throughout the manor. He recalls you picking flowers and handing them to the house-elves. Chasing butterflies. Lying about in the grassy hills, always under the blooming wisteria trees. Draco always felt drawn to you. Like spring after winter, you warmed those around you. He was no exception.

You murmured "Draco..." as you lounged in the garden one afternoon. As the brilliant blonde sat next to you with a Quidditch magazine in hand.

"Mhmm…" his head turned to you before he could think… like a sunflower to the sun, you commanded his attention.

“Will we be friends next year?” you inquired with a tilted head, fingers plucking at the blades of grass. You avoided his gaze, afraid of the blunt boy's answer. 

"Of course y/n, don’t be silly…. my mother's anger would erupt if I showed you any disrespect." Draco spoke in a flat tone.

He wanted to escape this moment, afraid you would see through him. That you would see it was he who disapproved of your exit from his life's circle.

“Even if I’m not a Slytherin?” you inquired, your voice tinged with melancholy, eyes narrowed.

"Of course, sunshine..." He said softly returning to his pages, looking up out of the corner of his eye at you. You had a matching rosy tint and a smile. 

“Good… That’s good,” you said softly.

To tell the truth, Draco thought you would never become a Slytherin. Simply because it wasn't in your nature. You are ambition and cleverness have always been present, but never cruelty. You were cunning and crafty, but never at anyone's expense. You were smart beyond measure, like a Ravenclaw. Kind and loyal, as they could come, like a Hufflepuff. And hard-headed and brave, like a Gryffindor. Yet he found himself corrected that 1st year at Hogwarts as you sat beside him in your green tie and beaming smile. Draco had never been more relieved to have been wrong.

From then on, everyone knew you, Y/N Higgs. You stood out as a remarkable Slytherin, distinct from the others. Walking with a gracefulness that compelled those around to turn their heads. Spending time showing 1st years around and volunteering in the Hospital wing. Even helping Hagrid with the magical creature care. You held friends in all the houses. Everyone would say you were uncharacteristically nice for a snake....

Draco always wondered. How could a pure-blood Slytherin, raised under the same pressures as him, be so kind? Still, you stayed close to one another. You kept your promise to be friends until one cold winter day in 4th-year during potions...

"You will work on this essay in pairs, and it will account for a significant portion of your final grade.”  Professor Snape droned on, explaining the assignment.

"I have preassigned your partnerships and will hear no griping or groaning about said matters. If you cannot work together, write your own 6 parchments on the effects and magical uses of a bezoar. These partnerships are absolutely final. Due Monday.” Snape said in his dreary, disinterested tone.

"Now…" Snape began to read off the pairs.

"Grander and Parkinson"

"Potter and Parvati"

"Zambini and Longbottom"

"Granger and Goyle"

"Malfoy and Higgs"

"Weasley and Finnigan."

Draco's doodling stopped at the sound of his name. Professor Snape was continuing down his list, leaving no room for complaints. As you plopped down next to him, your feet shuffled about. The scent of honey and wisteria filled his nose; you always smelled like home to him.

"Hello, Draco! How lovely… it’s like our summer studies at the Manor," you beamed, unpacking your quill and ink.

Draco nodded and returned a soft smile that was only reserved for you. 

"Not even our summer studies are this extensive. Leave it to Snape to dampen the weekend before the Yule Ball." You huffed out, defeated.

"About the Yule ball…..” Draco trailed off as you turned to look at him with hopeful, wide eyes.

"Who gets the pleasure of being your date for the evening?” he asked, his gaze slanting towards you, his breath suspended in anticipation. 

You see, over the years, Draco has grown fond of you as you have of him. Both too comfortable in your normal to risk something so dear, so both stood still. Suspended in the friend zone until he heard news that someone asked you to the ball. Lighting a newfound fire underneath him. He couldn't resist taking that leap, determined not to let the opportunity slip away.

"I was hoping you would’ve asked me by now, Draco. Though I take it you're opting for Parkinson.” You made a face when referring to Pansy Parkinson, a Slytherin with a crush on the Malfoy boy.

He let out a gentle laugh in amusement. He cherished the moments your envious Slytherin persona emerged.

"No. No. No. I'm not attending with Pansy. I heard through the gossip vine that the champion asked you himself: Cedric Diggory, is it?" He grimaced at the name. From the start of the year, it was known that he fancied you.

But who didn't? You were a dream come to life. You were kind and smart, second only to Hermione. Yet, you never dated. You never agreed to Hogsmeade dates or study sessions with anyone. That includes Oliver Wood, Cedric Diggory, and even Saint Potter. No one knew why. But you did. If you never agreed, you'd find Draco next to you in the library, or arm in arm on Hogsmeade weekends. So why agree when your heart was already so full?

You declared, "He did, but I turned him down." You shrugged, refocusing on your homework. The air around your desk grew heavy as you huffed out a breath of frustration.  

You adored Draco. The parts of him reserved for you were warm and soft. He looked out for you and was always there. Waiting since the announcement of the Yule Ball for Draco to ask you, turning down everyone who wasn't him. You knew he was a bloody coward, even considering asking him yourself a few times. All you needed was confirmation. Reassurance that it wasn't only you who found yourself wanting more.

"Since we cleared the air and I'm not going with Parkinson, you're not going with Diggory. Shall I save you the embarrassment of attending alone?" He flashed a playful grin.

"Save me the embarrassment? No. No. No. Mr. Malfoy, you forget yourself. I have a line of willing suitors waiting for me." You laughed, noticing Draco's slight annoyance.

"Let me save you the ghastly displeasure of having Parkinson be your last resort... Of course, I'll go with you, Draco; why do you think I turned down the future Triwizard champion?" You gave him a sidelong glance. "I was waiting for your daft arse."

Draco's lips curved upward in a subtle grin of admiration at your boldness.

" Well, thank you for waiting for me to catch on... It is a pleasure to be on the arm of such a lady."

You shared a warm smile with him before resuming your tasks. A new excitement and giddiness filled you both. 

__________

The following evening, you found yourselves in the library. Draco occupied the seat opposite yours. Surrounded by dim candlelight, open textbooks, and the smell of fresh ink in the air. You both discussed what colors to wear to the Yule ball and the Potions assignment. Which reminded you to write to your mother about the recent development. Both mothers grew anxious as they awaited news of your companions for the ball. They had hoped it would be each other after all. It was Narcissa Malfoy and Beatrice Higgs who watched all those summers. As childhood friendship bloomed into something only mothers could sense.

As the sunset and talk faded, you whispered, looking up at him through your long lashes.

"What do you wish to be when school is over?”

Draco set his quill aside, gazing at you with introspective eyes as he pondered the question.

“I know Father wishes for me to take a prominent position in the Ministry someday.” He muttered, shrugging his shoulders. "You know, following after him and all."

"No, no, no... what do you, Draco Malfoy, wish to be? Parents be damned!" You shook your head in disapproval and reached for his hand.

He let out a low, amused laugh and curved his lips upward. "A potions master, maybe an astronomer," he whispered, placing his icy hand on yours. You smiled back.

"I wish to be a healer, maybe a teacher. My parents likely want me to marry, and that would be the end of it." You huffed, your cheek resting in your palm.

“Parents be damned ….” Whispered Draco, tightening his grasp on your hand.

With soft smiles, hours passed and homework gave way to chat. The air was fresh and electric around you both. A want... no, more like a compulsive need to touch and be close grew and grew. As you worked through the weekend together in your safe little cove of the library. Transitioning from opposite each other to shoulder-to-shoulder. Any space between you both was too much.

___________

The Yule ball night arrived suddenly. As Draco found himself standing at the bottom of the long stairs in front of the great hall with Theo and Blaise. All anxiously awaiting their dates to descend the stairs… all minus Theo. Nothing could have readied Draco for the stunning sight of you in candlelight. Your dark blue dress and gold accents shone like the stars that made the constellation….

You descended the stairs grasping tightly to Draco's outstretched hand. Everyone faded away as he drew near, his gaze locked on you. When you finally reach him, he spins you around to savor every angle, embracing you tightly.

"Wow, Higgs, I knew you would clean up exquisitely."

Theo Knott, the endless flirt, spoke. Breaking your gaze with Draco and ruining the moment. The blonde boy shot a piercing stare at Theo, who responded with a sly wink. 

“Thank you, Theo… you’re too kind." Your face flushed; you dipped your head in embarrassment.

"Lucky man, Malfoy." he said, still gazing at your glory as you stood, arm locked with Malfoy by your side.

"I know, Knott … by the way, don’t you have a floor of single women to save from a night of heartbreak versus harassing my date?” Draco spat with no real malice toward the Knott boy.

"Did you come alone, Theo?” you said, confused.

"Don't waste your pity on him Y/N… he chose to come alone on purpose," Blaise said, laughing. "It's all part of his grand plan to woo the hearts of many."

"Exactly correct... because why limit oneself to one date when one can save many from a night of loneliness?" Theo said rather proud of himself "Although, if you were my one date, Higgs... I'd accept the burden." He smirked.

Draco pulled you closer into his arms as he swung at Theo playfully, shoving him away. As you rolled your eyes at the boy's antics. 

Lorenzo Berkshire appeared from behind Draco, quickly taking your hand from his cousin’s grasp and spinning you in a circle.

“ My goodness, you are a sight Y/N” Enzo said laughing softly

“ Enzo, you are too kind” you stated slightly dizzy steading yourself with your to his chest and a smile

“ This is not flirting with my date hour…” Draco huffs in annoyance as he once again pulls you towards him tucking you under his arm tightly. You smile at him softly patting his chest in reassurance.

"And who is the lucky girl gracing your arm tonight, Blaise?" you asked, changing the topic.

“You mean unlucky… very unlucky, y/n," Theo added with a laugh.

Daphne Greengrass your best friend appears looking like a fairy princess in her dark green and silver gown.

“ That unlucky girl would be me…” She says shooting a glare at Theo “ And at least we have dates” she stick her tongue out in touché

The last of your group trickle in, complimenting one other and filling the area with small talk.

Soon Draco’s hand finds your waist as he leaned over and whispered in your ear too distracted by his breath on your neck to listen to Enzo speak anymore. You turn your attention fully to the Prince of the hour.

"Shall we find ourselves a spot inside Sunshine?" he whispered, only for you, against the shell of your ear. It caused goosebumps to travel up your body.

"Lead the way, love….” You gazed, captivated by his timeless black tuxedo with blue highlights. He looked like he came from a fairytale. His regal appearance captivated you. 

You walked in through the large doors, arm in arm. Heads turned to see that the Slytherin Prince had won the fair maiden's heart. Yet, it surprised none. It was only a matter of time before the Slytherin Prince captured the princesses.

As you danced the night away with your friends. You suddenly weren't heirs to pureblood fortunes. You were nothing but dumb teenagers in love at a school dance. And it was there... in that moment, as his heart raced. Not from dancing, but from looking at you in the soft candlelight. He decided: if you were a flame, let him be a moth. If you were the sun, let him be Icarus.

Draco decided he would gladly face your light and fire. Fearing no consequences if it meant being wrapped in your warmth for a second longer. Let his wax wings melt and he be drowned in the ocean. Let him plummet from the sky ungracefully if it meant being with you. Because you.... made of sunlight and sugar, were worth it.

"I don't want this to end..." Draco's soft voice fought to be heard above the blaring band and laughter as you stood beside the punch bowl. 

You lifted your gaze from your cup and furrowed your brow in puzzlement. Was he referring to the song? The ball? The night?

“Say what you mean, Draco." you urged as you stared into his icy eyes that held a fire behind them.

“I mean this feeling, this … whatever this is. I enjoy who I am with you at this moment. I don't want it to end." His voice held a sense of sadness and fear, like after the music stopped and the night ended, that would be that.

You declare “ Then let’s be like this… always.” As you grasp his hand tightly and pull him into a kiss. He meets you halfway, kissing back effortlessly. He wraps one hand around your waist and the other in your hair. Passion and years of yearning found itself exchanged in the kiss.

As you broke apart, heavy breathing and foreheads touching, you chuckled at the cliché of it all.

"Shall we get out of here?" Draco's red, puffy lips spoke softly against yours.

And you could only nod as he took your hand out of the great hall, smiling and laughing. 

Running through the halls hand in hand, up the tall winding stairs to the astronomy tower. Stopping only to kiss each other for a few moments. It was there on the ledge. The very ledge that would later and forever change the course of your life, that Draco gazed at you.

"Y/N, my love…” he reached for your hand and began playing with your fingers as you both stood leaning on the rail.

"I am enamored by you. You roam my mind, unrestricted at will. I wonder endlessly about your happiness. I wonder if you dream of me. If you ate. If you're safe." he rambles like a madman.

You smile, rubbing your thumb against his hand as encouragement…

"Please do me the honor, sunshine, of being mine." He draws a long breath, his eyes locking onto yours.

"Oh Draco…. You whisper, "I've always been yours," before you lean in to brush your lips against his. He responds with a fervent kiss, hands around your waist, yours buried in his soft hair.

You spent another hour in the tower. Draco pointed out his favorite constellations between fevered bouts of making out. His suit jacket wrapped around you. It smelled of mahogany, fresh apples, fresh ink, and silver. Nothing but more time could have solidified the night as perfect.

"Your lips are turning blue, sunshine." Draco chuckled as his fingers caressed your winter-kissed cheeks. His hand felt like ice, so you enveloped it in yours, pressing your lips gently to his skin. The winter air was becoming too cold to ignore, signaling the end of the night.

"I guess we should be heading back then." You groaned, throwing your head back.

Draco's laughter burst out as he rose to his feet, bending to grasp and lift you upright. He enveloped you in his suit jacket, tucking you in tight and kissing your cheek lightly. Leaving a warmth in their place. You smiled.

Walking back to the common room down the tower steps, hand in hand, a newfound contentment hung in the air.

The rest of the year went by rather quickly. Between classes, you and Draco made time for each other. Enjoying Hogsmeade weekends and late nights sneaking off to the astronomy tower. It all felt too good to be true. Which as fate would have it was true... nothing good lasts long.

There you were in the stands of the third Triwizard task. Screams and cries filled the air. Draco hid your face in his chest, holding you close and tight. As you stare in shock at the body of the kindest boy you knew... tears slipped slowly down your face. Time dragged on, after Cedric's memorial with the buzz of grief and you-know-who on the rise. Static seemed to be in the air… like a drop of water about to fall into a still lake.

If only you knew then what hung in the stars for Draco and you. What darkness was at play and how far your Icarus was willing to fall for you, his sunshine. 

[accountantcontent]

What if Higgs and Sam didn't fuck. Maybe we should sit down and consider for a moment the amount of harassment Sam deals with on a regular basis throughout the story of Death Stranding. Seeing Higgs as this sort of Sex Freak just because he is acting Weird to you and idk he licks Sam? He's a funny son of a bitch to me but he's nothing but a traumatized man, clearly struggling with his mental health long term due to abuse And exposure to chiralium, during some pseudo apocalypse who was given the power of a god.

Smth smth portray him however you want but it feels almost disrespectful to anyone involved portraying him as a sex fiend, or even putting Sam in the position of Tolerating or Enjoying that sort of interaction. Enjoy your favorite characters and game however you'd like but it's almost funny how ooc the fandomized versions of them are.

[blueberry-beanie]

The New Cue #357 February 12:

Everything Everything's Jonathan Higgs

"We were weirdos then and we’re weirdos now"

At the beginning of next month, Everything Everything release their seventh record Mountainhead. It’s another brilliant album from one of the UK’s most imaginative and forward-thinking guitar bands, a quartet who never tread water and have been consistently honing, reworking and outdoing what’s gone before for over 15 years, always coming up with a new version of themselves without ever losing what makes them special. The pillars of their music tend to be a mix of danceable synth-y grooves and inventive art-rock, intricate arrangements constructed around big pop hooks and surrealist lyrics, frontman Jonathan Higgs’ vocal delivery emotive and exuberant at the same time.

Higgs is at the centre of it all, a creative dynamo who seems to sum up their idiosyncratic approach and who has the ability to inject emotion into the bizarrest lyrics, lines such as:

“And no reptiles! Just soft boiled eggs in shirts and ties, Waiting for the flashing green man Quivering and wobbling just like all the eggs you know”

That one is taken from Get To Heaven’s epic standout No Reptiles.

Or this, which somehow sounds poignant when Higgs sings it on the electro-pop banger Arch Enemy:

“Fatberg you smile, with your grave wax eyes, will you consume me?”

Or how about this oddball corker, from the euphoric electronica of Raw Data Feel closer Software Greatman?

“Maybe I see Klingons on the starboard bow Maybe, I’m a cat inside a sacred cow

Higgs is at it again with this zinger from their excellent recent single Cold Reactor: “I sent you the image of a yellow face To tell you I’m sad about the emptiness that’s all around me”

That song, released in autumn last year as the first single from Mountainhead, has become Everything Everything’s biggest radio hit yet. It’s spent weeks on the Radio 1 B-list, a very uncommon position for an indie band whose members are all in their late 30s, but its success that sums up the vibrancy and relevance of Everything Everything in 2024. Even better, it probably meant Radio 1 have had to get their heads around this blurb from Higgs on what the new record Mountainhead is about:

“In another world, society has built an immense mountain. To make the mountain bigger, they must make the hole they live in deeper and deeper. All of society is built around the creation of the mountain, and a mountain religion dominates all thought. At the top of the mountain is rumoured to be a huge mirror that reflects endlessly recurring images of the self, and at the bottom of the pit is a giant golden snake that is the primal fear of all believers. A ‘Mountainhead’ is one who believes the mountain must grow no matter the cost, and no matter how terrible it is to dwell in the great pit. The taller the mountain, the deeper the hole.”

Well, you don’t get that with Catfish And The Bottlemen. A few weeks ago Niall – that is me, I am The New Cue’s resident Everything Everything nut in case you hadn’t guessed – spoke to Jonathan over Zoom about the mad concept around the new record, the dynamics of being in a band in 2024, his favourite Liam Gallagher tweet and more. I’ve made this playlist of my favourite Everything Everything songs to listen whilst you read,

Hello Jonathan. I love the new record, it feels different to Raw Data Feel, a bit looser… Yeah, it’s got a lot more freedom and it sounds more like a band playing a lot of the time rather than the rigid, more computerised stuff that we were doing before. We made an effort to make it feel a bit more real and laid back.

Was there much overlap? No, partly because we put everything we made for Raw Data Feel on that record, we didn’t leave anything in the banks. We did the opposite with this, we actually went back and looked at some old demos and brought them back to life because we were looking for some kind of angle that we weren’t going to stumble across, we wanted to go back to our youngest selves and go, ‘What was that thing we were doing?’.

That’s interesting, how far back did you go? I think it’s sessions for A Fever Dream, or it might be Re-Animator, so five or six years ago. Some of the songs on this are from that time, or at least elements of them are or a little demo was made and then thrown away and then we went back and said ‘Let’s explore this and breathe new life into it.’

When you’re seven records in and you start to look back like that, does it feel like different versions of the band? Yeah, definitely. There’s definitely been eras, we’ve never got stuck in one way of doing things. There’s an evolution, for good or for ill, since our first songs to now. I can find myself very quickly thinking in those terms when I hear a song from then, I’m like, ‘Oh yeah, I was trying to do this’ and that stuff changes over time and I’m glad it does because otherwise, you just make the same record again and again and no-one wants that.

Yeah. Without naming any names, for some bands it ends up becoming a process of survival and maintenance. Yeah, thankfully, we’re not in that position. I know what you mean, this idea of being a nostalgia act does not appeal very much, partly because we were at our peak three albums in so we can go back and feast on Get To Heaven-era but I have no interest in going back to Man Alive and trying to recreate that partly because we were weirdos then and we’re weirdos now, it wasn’t the glory days by any means. I’m immensely proud of what we did back then but I’m not going to try and retread it. This is an odd thing to say having just said that I went back to some old demos and put them on our new record, but those demos were rejected for reasons that I find interesting now. And I don’t feel that we need to play the games we were playing them because we’re so good at writing successfully now, I think.

Something like Cold Reactor, I didn’t labour over it and I knew as soon as it was done, it was great and I knew that would that would carry us through. It allows you to feel a bit more relaxed about creativity rather than ‘Must get that radio single or we’re doomed!’, which obviously is the burning hot coal under our butts most of the time because it’s easy to take that stuff for granted, popular songs, but you’ve got to actually write them and they’ve got to actually be popular otherwise no-one cares. Basically, every album usually comes down to one, two or three songs and if none of them have any interest, then people just go, ‘Did an album even come out?’.

Cold Reactor is a good example of the band right now, it seems to sum up all that’s great about Everything Everything and it’s become this mad radio hit. I know! We’ve watched a lot of friends’ bands struggle in this period we’ve had, 15 years now. There is a tendency to rest on your laurels or try and repeat the thing and it’s very difficult to not do that. Sometimes, I’ve done it myself when I’ve sat down and written a song and then I get to the end of it, I go, ‘Well, we did that better with X song on Arc’ and it’s like, ‘I could do this and our fans will really like it because it sounds just like us, it sounds just like Arc’ and then we’re like ‘No, into the bin with you, let’s try and take that same sensation but do something new with it’. That often comes down to the production. I think if you were to strip all of our songs of their production, then you could probably find something I’ve written now very similar to something I’ve written.

There’s a simplicity to a lot of the songs on the new album, nothing is overloaded and it makes the more outlandish stuff more potent. That’s been a big thing to learn over our careers. You’ve got the ability to do outlandish stuff, and you’ve got these players who can play really well but that isn’t enough to just present all of those things at once and expect people to go, ‘Wow!’. Some of them will, and that’s how we made our name, the prog dads, as we used to call them, that came to our shows in the very early days and just stand there and go, ‘yes, this sounds like Yes!’, and that’s fine. But that I felt like it wasn’t really a challenge. It felt like being a music student still, trying to dazzle each other with complexity and emotion slowly rose through all that and they all just fell away. I was like, ‘No, that is the hardest thing to communicate’ and that’s the challenge. That’s what the greats do is, they get your emotions and you can’t manufacture that and you certainly can’t bamboozle that into people, you have to start with a strong, simple, true, or as close to true as you can manage, emotion and then you can start having fun with it. I think that’s the thing that took us the longest to learn.

Everything Everything’s work has grown more emotional with every record. You’ve got these big concepts around them but that disguises the fact they feel a bit more personal and vulnerable each time… I think that’s what happens to humans. Twenty-three-year-olds are a strange breed to look to for sustenance when it comes to art, there’s a rawness to being that age, it’s an age of discovery. And that stuff is very exciting but there’s no real reason why someone older would create like that or go to that well, it actually gets quite sad when people try to go to that well. Now I’m older and I’m more of an emotional person and I’m less about fireworks and more about volcanoes! I don’t know how to put it, there’s something much deeper now when I create than when I was a young punk.

On that note, rather than me crowbar into an incredibly long question, why don’t you sum up the concept of Mountainhead? It’s extremely simple, a one metaphor fits all type-deal. I knew I wanted to sing about capitalism but not put too fine a point on it. I mean, it’s not a very subtle metaphor. But I knew there were certain elements of it that I wanted to get across, namely the Sisyphean sort of feeling of it being pointless and also, the fact that there’s this trade-off between building the mountain but having to live in the dark, which was a big touchstone for me when I read Capitalist Realism by Mark Fisher, this sense that our lives are getting worse in some ways, that the more we progress we’re becoming more isolated and we’re shutting off large parts of our humanity in the search for this goal of ever expanding and growing our economy and trying to climb the ladder. It’s simple enough that you can’t really fault it, I’m not saying this is exactly how we live, there’s not enough to it for it to fail. It’s something everyone gets straight away.

A lot of the lyrics touch on that theme but which of the songs is the most personal to you that veer away from the concept? Probably The Witness, that’s definitely not really related to the concept. That’s pretty personal. There’s a line in there about this… I shot this bird with an air rifle when I was a kid. I walked into the shed and I saw it, this cute little chaffinch or whatever and it just sat there looking at me and then I picked up the air rifle, I knew where it was and I killed it.

You bastard! I know, I’m telling you this now cos I felt bad, I’m not saying it was a good thing! For some reason that came back to me. During the very early sessions on the album, we’d all gone away somewhere and when we got back, Alex went up to his studio at the top of his house and a pigeon had got into the room and thrashed and thrashed to get back out for four days, there’s like blood all over, feathers everywhere. I was like, ‘Guys, this is a sign… we’re gonna call it The Pigeon!’. Obviously we didn’t but birds do get into it - Canary obviously is a song there - and this thing about that bird and it flew into my head. That’s very personal. But then the rest of the song is about some fucked up stuff that happened to me in the pandemic that haven’t properly been able to talk about in these situations because it’s a bit too personal, basically. A lot of Raw Data Feel was about trying to deal with that as well. I should’ve called it Raw Data Deal. That’s the only moment I’ve given over to that thing on this newest album, the last song. I haven’t actually been able to listen back to it because it makes me too emotional when I think about what it’s really about. But that’s not for public consumption, it’s not needed.

Fair enough. Tell me about the dynamic between the four of you, because that seems like a really important point in your longevity. Apart from a very early line-up change, it’s been the four of you the whole way. Yeah, it’s great. We’ve settled into our roles over the last 15 years. Alex [Robertshaw, guitarist and keyboards] is very much the producer now and by way of that, he’s ended up writing a lot of the guitar and keyboard parts, which I would usually write more of in the past. I’ve become completely consumed by the emotion of getting the message across in the lyrics and stuff like that, as well as obviously writing songs. But in terms of how they sound, I’m less and less involved or concerned, that’s Alex’s playground more. Mike [Spearman, drummer] and Jez [Pritchard, bass] are very good at taste-making. Me and Alex do 98% of the composition and then those guys are much more like, ‘Well, I feel like this is a good way for us to go or this is better than this one,’ things you can’t really tell when you’re the creator and you think everything’s great. They’re also really good at the whole business side of the band, which is the less romantic end but incredibly important. So talking to accountants and they’re having meetings with the labels and Mike’s producing the videos, getting organised, all the stuff that me and Alex being “the creatives” are terrible at because we have the luxury of being terrible at them. Those guys fill in the gaps and they’re really, really good at that. Jez is really good at meeting people and all that kind of shit, so it works really well. You’ve got at least one person covering every possible angle. I’m doing a lot of the visual stuff now. I’m designing a lot of the visual side of the band, basically most things that we’re tweeting or videos is all being done by me. As a unit we could basically do this by ourselves... if someone gave us loads of money, which is how we operate.

My last question is a random one but it’s been on my mind. On Christmas Day, you dug up a four-year-old Liam Gallagher tweet where he called the producer Dave Sardy “Dave Sardine”, and I wanted to know how your Christmas Day mind had been drawn back to that. Haha! Well, when it happened someone tweeted it to me and I thought was funny and I retweeted then. Then recently, I remembered it and I went to see if it was still there. It was and I was like, ‘I’m gonna save that for Christmas Day’ - it wasn’t related to what I was up to. It’s just like, right, ‘Christmas Day, time to tweet my favourite tweet’. It will always be my favourite tweet because it’s how angry he is about Dave Sardine. It’s so good.

The full article is available on substack.

[chiralcrystallization]

Theory Time..!!!

*insert Conspiracy String Board Meme*

Higgs :

Lets be real....this mofo is going to be Higgs...

We know Higgs saw everything in Amelie and was her proud lil lap dog in the first game

She gave him a false sense of Purpose so in my eyes it makes sense thar after she disappeard with her world destroying duty unfullfilled, that he picks up on that.

"I want to be a god like her, I am the bringer of extincion, I finish what she started"

He Obsesses over Amelie and his pov of her trying to become what he things she was...

We know that Higgs likes to obsess over things (fragile back then, Sam...)

so it makes total sense for me...

Fitting to his god Motive he rebuilds his old fraction but this time its going to be a Cult

Probably an Doomsday Apocalypse type of Cult with him as religious "godlike" Centerpiece and bringer of destruction yadda yadda...

Maybe even trying to convince his followers that HE is Amelie

....and i think those two compared pics have something onto him...

Idk Why the name is APAC but the logo for sure gives me some religious and cult like vibes if you leave the official name away

Well..

What does Higgs need to fully capture Amelies being and Life ..?

To fully transform into her Mentally?

Louise:

A Child of course...

And what child does he know and maybe is the reason all his world destruction plans failed?

Lou

How can he make Sam repay what he did to him, How can he revenge Fragile and make them all suffer the best way?

Taking Lou

I dont think lou Dies in that sequence , but gets kidnapped by Higgs...

We can Hear Troy Baker sing Lous Lullaby in the Trailer and tbh ? It gave me an off feeling...., it was lacking warmth....love....and overall heart like the original..

A comment by Tumblr User @headlessstar gave me the final push beliving that higgs took lou as sort of revenge against Sam and co

A mocking version of that song connecting Sam and his love for his Daughter just makes sense

I Remember a post some way back comparing Elle Fannings mocab Poses to Lou in her pod...wich makes me sure that elle might play a grown up version of Louise..

Wich would explain Sams visual change because years have gone by on his probably search for his daughter...

If Lou was kidnapped with 2... and grows up at least 15-20 years will pass and our dilf turns into a gilf

FRAGILE still looks unchanged tho..., but maybe that has something to do why she got her youthfull body back...

Maybe now she cannot age annymore at all..

ANNYWAYS

Lou growing up with higgs would also explain Kojimas Marketing poster questioning Elle in big letters " WHO AM I " and Norman asking himself " WHY ME "

Because of course our big Himbo daddy cant think of anny reason why someone would be after him and i love him for that...

Back to the Poster ...a kidnapped Lou also explains Leas Lettering of " How Come ?" Asking herself how the fuck she could let that happend in the first place

CONCLUSION:

I think Ds2 is going to be about Lou,

who grew up with higgs in a doomsday cult asking herself who she really is and where she comes from,

Because she feels that she belongs somewhere else...

Fragile trying to make up what she did to Sam...loosing his Daughter and Sam trying to find Lou at all costs..

I have no Clue what the other actors are about...

How NWR is involved...

What is about Deadman or Heartman...

But i think i Connected the most important Dots so far!!!!

Pls tell me your Opinion on my Brainbarf

[raiden-brannigan]

I’m curious since you seem be a fan of MGS too, what do you think about DS APAC being a version of MGS’s A.I Patriots?

Oh man I am a HUGE fan of mgs, have been since 2013 (literally just got the FOX unit logo tattooed on me like two days ago LMAO)

That being said, a lot of the stuff in ds2 so far looks very "metal gear, but let's do it differently" - apac, the Magellan is very REX-esque, the return of the Cyborg Ninjas (Higgs is straight up raiden 2), and it makes me SO excited for it. I love kojima weirdness and ds dives way more into that than mgs does (listen, mgs is Weird, but not tons of people dropping the game an hour in cause it "makes no sense" weird) so it's really cool to see a lot of these elements I (and other mgs fans) are so familiar with dialed up to an 11. The DS universe is unique enough that it doesn't feel like any of this is copy pasted, but instead a fresh take on stuff we already love. Is APAC just the Patriots again? Maybe! But I'm super excited to see where that implication leaves us in the Weirdness of the DS universe

[jamie-fanfan118]

My wild speculation of how they will adapt the rest of the comic / Solitaire

Okay, it’s time for my heartstopper obsessed brain to get out all the baseless speculation for season 3… Major Spoiler alert for the Heartstopper comics and Solitaire (and maybe Radio Silence)!!! Also trigger waring for ED and self-harm.

So season two introduced the plot line about Charlie’s mental health with him telling Nick (in two scenes that made me tear up) about needing to control his eating and self-harming. This will obviously be a big part of the next season, but the question remains open about how they are going to do this.

In the comics the timeline is basically like this: paris trip -> Nick telling Charlie about his research into Eds during their friend groups trip to the Beach -> Nick’s holiday and Charlie getting worse because he is arguing with his mom -> Nick’s mom telling him that love can’t cure mental illness -> Nick’s birthday and him getting Charlie to talk to his parents (best scene in the comic btw)

The comic then fast forward with the following happening during the time skip: Charlie not getting an appointment with a psychiatrist -> Tori finding Charlie bleeding in the bathroom (with Charlie’s note on the cake card for Tori) -> Charlie going to a mental health ward -> Charlie coming back and the events of the short story this winter

And then the events of Solitaire take place. Of the things that happen in that book the heartstopper comic basically only mentions two things: Charlie’s self-harm attempt after his fight with Nick and Tori being friends with Micheal Holden. From that point on the comic does it’s own storyline till present (ending probably some time before the short story Nick and Chalie)

So where does that leave the Heartstopper TV show? I think they can basically do the following:

Season 3 will cover the 5th part of the comic (including the beach scene, Nick’s holiday and ending with Charlie talking to his parents.). Let’s say they add plots for the other characters like they did in season 2 and it just about fits. Then season 4 can cleanly make the same time skip the comic did. I’m guessing they would use Nick’s and Charlie’s diaries as a framing device and simply adept the flashbacks of the comic and maybe the full story of this winter.

So far so good, but the big known-unknown in this is the whole plot of solitaire. The comic sort of skirts around the plot of solitaire and simply explains the parts that are relevant to Charlie (with the notable exception of Ben getting outed and targeted by solitaire). Adding to this the comic also has a much lighter tone than solitaire (e.g. they skip showing Tori finding Charlie in the kitchen). (As much as I would kind of love it) clearly the TV show can’t simply pivot to adapting solitaire for a season.

Of course the dream scenario would be season 3 -> solitaire movie adaption -> season 4 😍

But I think that is somewhat unlikely since it would slow down the production of the show and also make it confusing for people who just watch the show.

I’m kind of sad to say this but I think they will simply cut the plot of solitaire and put a few of the more interesting pieces into the show. For example, in season 4 they could have a b-plot of Tori meeting Micheal without the context of the actual solitaire group and that leading to a toned-down version of the scene of Tori finding Charlie in the kitchen.

They kind of already started this in season 2 with the Ben Hope plot. Charlie is basically done with Ben. We don’t really need the solitaire-scenes of Ben confronting Charlie at school or Ben getting beat up at the party. The story with Imogen is also clearly similar to the story with Ben and Becky in the book.

This way you can still have all the parts of Solitaire that are needed for Nick and Charlie’s arc and also a different version of Tori’s arc as a b-plot. Ironically Solitaire without the actual group Solitaire… and no Higgs burring down. Even Tori as Wendy Adams meeting Francis as Doctor who girl is kind of questionable.

Yeah, so basically that is 3 days of my disorganized thoughts about the future seasons. I have no doubt that Alice and the whole team will do a great job on future seasons. What do you think about how they will adept the rest of the comic?

[ashkav]

Rock a bye baby (where am i?)

I was re-watching the trailer again after getting pretty far into a new playthrough of DS1 when something clicked. we've heard the lullaby at the very end of the trailer before, in DS1:

(starts at 9:25 in the trailer, and a couple seconds in in the second video)

when we meet Mama and her BT baby the exact same section of the exact same song is playing as the trailer, but a little extended and with more melodies going. and the song is pretty significant even in DS1 without connecting it to DS2: this is the only other lullaby we hear in the game that isn't BB's theme. and it plays directly before we meet the third most important child character in the game, after Lou and Sam. and the order we hear BBs theme and rock a bye is even the same! the first trailer, Higgs sings a warped version of BB's theme, which we hear in DS1 near the very beginning after hooking up to Lou for the first time and seeing Cliff sing a section. the second trailer, a warped version of rock a bye, heard for the first time about a third of the way through the game when first meeting Mama.

the song is slower and simpler in the trailer compared to in DS1, with a very old almost broken down sound. the octopuses on the mobile seem really relevant considering just how many references to tentacles we've seen in the trailers so far: Elle Fanning's sucker arm, the tar-cat's tongue, the DHV Magellan's logo. and we know some time has passed since the end of the first game. could the song be coming from the same mobile?

thematically, it would be a fitting gift, if it was given as a gift to Sam - if the theories are right and Lou is haunting the BB pod then it'll be an object shared between two impossible BT babies. LockneMama would be the literal best person for Sam to get in contact with again, being the only person (people?) to actually have gone through something similar with a dead not dead daughter. (and it's a completely impractical gift for a living baby with squishy skin, being metal and likely to cut or injure a grabby infant.)

I don't know. i think it would be a really neat narrative parallel if Mama played a role in DS2, but since Margaret Qualley has not been mentioned in any promotional material I doubt she'll be in the game in any major way. that doesn't necessarily mean the theory is wrong; the character could still interact with Sam through emails but the reduced presence doesn't seem

ok wait had a brain wave does Shioli connect to this somehow? complete hunch based on nothing but the first song was obviously the song that connected Lou and Sam, as they're both BBs and the theme is used for both of them. we've seen absolutely nothing of who Shioli is despite knowing she must be a major character based on her poster and her name on the credit list. is rock a bye the song that connects Lou and Shioli's character?

her character poster:

rock a bye baby is about a baby being 'lost' - "when the bough breaks the cradle will fall/ down will come baby, cradle and all."

euphemistically, it can be about child death due to negligence or instability, but going 'down' in the case of death stranding also immediately brings to mind tar, the sinking and the rising. is she 'down' at the beach?

'cradle and all' seems to me to imply there's other things related to cradles that are all going down with the baby, blankets, toys, etc. lots of mobiles attach to cradles.

maybe i'm grasping at straws with the Shioli connection, but the lullaby is the only part of the trailer that doesn't seem to obviously link back to or directly relate to the known characters. and since Mama isn't going to be a major player, maybe Shioli will fill the same thematic presence in this game as Mama did in the last - Mama, too, was lost in a sense, her Ha and Ka split when her baby died and untethered when her psychic link to Lockne broke. Mama was an inversion of the stillmother - maybe Shioli is an inversion of Lou?

[savage-rhi]

⭐ I'd love to hear about your thoughts on Sky of Atoms. It's one of my favorite Higgs stories. What inspired Gene? And what are some of your favorite parts? One of mine was when Higgs played the guitar and sang. That was a lovely scene you painted.

@likesugarandcyanide Oh, it's been a long, long, time since I've talked about SOA or Gene!! I'd love to answer your questions and share!

What inspired Gene?

Well, I wanted to write SOA originally to give Higgs a happier ending. There were many parallels between the abuse he endured from his uncle (daddy) and what I myself dealt with growing up. Like Higgs, I had a phase in life where I honestly was a fucking menace because of how I was abused by my family. Now, I didn't become a terrorist or kill anyone, but I did hurt people because I was hurting.

I wanted to see Higgs get better because I saw a lot of myself in him, and this is where the creation of Gene came into play. She was based off of the qualities I'd been working toward: flawed but empathetic. Strong willed, but knowing when to let someone else take the lead etc. Gene was also inspired by several friends of mine who motivated me to becoming a better version of myself. I wanted Higgs to find himself a friend that would be there for his ups and downs while he sorts through his bullshit, and Gene fit the bill haha! But you know, it evolved into a romantic relationship over time.

I've been expanding on Gene as of late, giving her her own separate story from Higgs and the main cast of Death Stranding. She's becoming more solidified as a character, and I'm looking forward to writing her own fic/story down the road.

What were my favorite parts of SOA?

I really enjoyed the scenes near the beginning where both Gene and Higgs were testing each others boundaries. The banter was fun to write!

I also enjoyed the scene where they gotta hide because Higgs stole the guitar and the other encampment got pissed and tried to look for them. I believe that's connected to the scene you mentioned you liked!

I appreciate you for reading SOA and I'm glad it was a fun experience 💙. With how much my writing has changed since then, I'm thinking of rebooting it so to speak and maybe subtracting/adding scenes so the story flows better.

[obiternihili]

How scientific or pseudoscientific a theory or idea is obviously kind of relative. But people tend to talk about it like it's a binary.

I feel like you could sketch out a taxonomy of scientificness according to various principles given that. Like

There's empiricism.

Something completely unfalsifiable, and such that no evidence can affect its overall appeal is, like, true pseudoscience. God did it is this tier.

Something arguably unfalsifiable (via patching the theory, adding complications to it) but it none-the-less amenible to evidence that affects its appeal - via say occam's razor, or something - has a place in the process; it's probably pseudoscientific but science can be done with it, I guess. I think a lot of history-adjacent hypotheses land here, and so historical linguistic hypotheses like Altaic end up here.

Something only theoretically falsifiable is in a different family, but still meets Poppler's criterion. And it might be that technology actually does reach a point where what was once thought this because definitively falsifiable. String theory is maybe reachable in a number of ways but at the time is mostly theoretical.

Which is the top tier of empiricism, something reachably falsifiable. With current tech or near-current tech. Obviously this is the best empirical science. This is like, the higgs boson exists. Universal grammar is on the threshhold between this and the previous tier as neuroscience, psycho- and cognitive linguistics improves.

But there's also rationalism. We still care about rationalism actually.

An issue is logical incoherence. It's not that the universe doesn't present us with new math now and then, but even if a theory mostly works, if it leads to contradictions there's probably a problem with it. I think phlogiston was abandoned for this reason.

There's also a lesser version of it where it doesn't really make sense but it also doesn't necessarily lead to contradictions, just paradoxes. The Copenhagen interpretation is widely disliked for these reasons and have people putting forward things like multiverses or pilot waves or retrocausality or so on, although modulus things like non-locality being necessary as interpretations they're all about equally valid as explanations conforming to the data QM gives.

There's the flavor most things are where the theory is rational and doesn't lead to paradoxes, but a number of equivalent explanations can satisfy the data.

Then there's an almost unreachable ideal where you can mathematically prove something within the theory or get to a point where you can prove that whatever explanation you use has to at least include this. This tends to also not reach a lot of thunder when it happens, because it tends to be something like "does this approximate addition" or so on and is usually a hypothesis that isn't even thought of on the grounds of it being a hypothesis, you just fit the data.

There's also conformity though; GR and QM cover almost every case except, like, dark hole shit. You'd be tempted to place them in one of the low ranks rationally for this, but these are some of the most well-support, most-confirmed, most "correct" for whatever you want to call it theories that have ever been; they just have a limit of applicability. There's a whole relativity to wrongness that also needs to be multiplied into this matrix to prevent lumping in something like "earth is a sphere" with "earth is flat". But this also kind of intersects with that last rational tier, since whatever the GUT is, it probably has to contain GR or something, instead of outright superceding it the way phlogiston was.

[michwritesstuff]

You’re Not So Bad (Harry Potter: Adrian Pucey)

THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG! never finished this the way i wanted to so i cut a bit out and kept it at this, might have another part but i’m not sure yet! hope you guys like it :)

summary: hufflepuff female reader (she/her) x adrian pucey He was a Slytherin. She was a muggle born Hufflepuff. What more can I say? (get it? like sk8r boi?) anyways…Y/N is a proud and talented member of the Hufflepuff quidditch team. After one too many coincident encounters with Slytherin’s Adrian Pucey, she realizes that maybe she was wrong in her initial judgement of him and his housemates. notes/warnings: mentions of blood word count: 1.9 k

Another year at Hogwarts meant another year of getting to take the Hogwarts Express. As a muggle born you never failed to be excited by the enchanting nature of the Wizarding World. If your parents weren’t too busy with work, they would have been dropping you off themselves. Much like you, your parents loved everything about the Wizarding World and cherished the times when you needed to go to Diagon Alley.

You thanked the cab driver as he pulled up outside of King’s Cross Station and walked to the back of the car, dragging your trunk out. As you continued along through the station, you walked at a steady pace until you had reached platform 9 ¾. As nonchalantly as possible you glanced from side to side before walking directly through the platform wall. The Hogwarts Express came into view, steam whistling from the front as families lined the platform. You pushed your way through, trying your best to avoid bumping into anyone. Finally, Cedric and his dad came into view.

“Hey Y/N!” he called out when he saw you.

“Hi Ced, how have you been?” you asked, pulling him into a hug.

“Good, you know...taking care of this old man,” he laughed as he patted his dad on the back.

You laughed along before turning to pull Cedric’s dad into a hug.

“Y/N my girl, how are you? How are your parents?” he asked.

“They’re doing good, wish they could be here of course,” you smiled.

“Well, I’ll be sure to send them some stuff from our garden and let them know I saw you and Ced off, how about that,” Amos stated.

You smiled at him warmly before thanking him one last time.

Grabbing your trunk you followed Cedric through the train, quickly glancing around the carriages in hope of finding an empty one or finding the rest of your friends. You stumbled along behind him, a carriage door sliding open as the two of you passed.

“Diggory,” a voice called out.

You and Cedric snapped your heads around, trying to place who had spoken. None other than Marcus Flint stepped out of the carriage. You glanced inside and saw two other Slytherin quidditch players who you recognized to be Adrian Pucey and Terrence Higgs whispering among themselves.

“Suppose your ready to lose to us again this year?” Flint taunted.

“Suppose your ready for me to fly circles around you again this year?” you replied, a smirk growing across your face as Flint’s smug look was replaced by a look of disdain.

You could hear Pucey and Higgs’ giggles increase at your statement. They knew it was true. The Slytherin team was strong and known for their unfair play, but Y/N Y/L/N was one of the best flyers at Hogwarts.

“You wish Y/L/N! Gonna wipe the pitch with you mudblood,” he threatened.

Your eyes widened at the ghastly use of such a word, your eyes quickly scanning Flint and the people behind him. Pucey and Higgs’ giggles long gone. Higgs quietly looked down at the floor of the compartment, trying his hardest not to make eye contact. Pucey however, stared right back at you. His eyes held something you couldn’t quite place, sadness? No, why would he be sad, he probably just pitied you.

Cedric’s hand found your shoulder and hurried you along the corridor of the train. Finding the carriage with the rest of your friends, Cedric ushered you in. As he retold the story bout the encounter with Flint they all gasped and looked offended and disgusted by Flint’s behavior.

“He’s an asshole, we knew this already,” you stated.

“I’m fine guys, promise,” you smiled weakly.

Truth was, you were fine. Flint’s aimless name calling didn’t concern you. You were proud of who you were and who your parents were, it didn’t matter. You were going to wipe the pitch with him this season AND continue to fly circles around him. The biggest thing on your mind had nothing to do with Flint, you were too concerned with Pucey. You couldn’t erase the look on his face from your memory.

That night all previous conversation about Flint had subsided as it was replaced by conversations about the summer break and upcoming term. From laughing and joking about the first years waiting to be sorted to complaining about having Herbology with the Slytherins.

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

Classes were finally in full swing and the first quidditch game of the season was approaching this weekend. Unfortunately, you felt unprepared for both. Practices had been long and gruesome, and they left you with little free time for studying and getting work done. This meant hours spent in the library and sneaking into the kitchens where the house elves offered you coffee and various pastries to help you get through the long nights.

So here you were, sitting at a table with books open and sprawled out. Unused rolls of parchment lined up next to your spare quill and bottle of ink. You worked absentmindedly scrawling as much as you could about the effects of fresh mandrake juice on petrification. Ever since the incident with the Chamber of Secrets being reopened, Professor Sprout thought it useful understand the importance of utilizing the magical properties of specific plants, rather than just how to care for them. Rereading the same line for what felt like the hundredth time, your attention was interrupted by an unexpected voice.

“Room for one more?”

You looked up to find none other than Adrian Pucey to be the source of the voice, book bag hanging off his shoulder. He motioned to the seat across from you.

“Uhm, yeah let me just…” you trailed off as you attempted to gather and organize all your materials to your side of the table. Pucey lightly chuckled at your frazzled state. Sitting down and pulling his own parchment and books out, his eyes glanced over your materials.

“Working on the Herbology essay?” he asked, his eyes focused on his own parchment.

“Yeah, though I don’t know how much more I can possibly write, you?” you replied.

“Nah, I finished that the other day. My muggle studies essay on the other hand…” You glanced up to meet Adrian’s eyes at his statement, giving him a look that meant to explain.

“Mum loves plants, grew up with those bloody curlers’ and books about them,” he stated, referencing the mandrakes. You laughed at his comment, they were truly dreadful to work with.

“What’s your muggle studies essay about?” you asked curiously, eyes scanning to the top of his parchment which read Muggle Transportation.

“Have to write the about the importance of public transportation in muggle communities. Not really sure what to include, I wasn’t really paying attention these last few lessons.” You once again giggled at his explanation.

“Well then…if you help me with this herbology essay than I’ll help you with yours. Not sure if you know this, but I’m quite the muggle expert,” you mused.

“Deal,” Adrian replied, a warm smile growing on his face.

The two of you spent the next hour working on your essays and making small talk, just getting to know each other.

“Ughh I don’t think I can ever write another essay again,” you exclaimed dramatically, throwing your quill across the table in the process.

Adrian laughed as he watched you pack all your things. While you gave him some background information and personal experiences about public transportation in your own community, he didn’t write much.

You continued packing until everything had found it’s place in your book bag. You stood up placing your bag on your back.

“You coming?” you asked.

Adrian looked up, eyes meeting yours. He was clearly confused as to what you meant, and to be honest, you weren’t entirely sure why you were inviting him to your secret place. There was something about Adrian, he was kind, welcoming, exciting, and most of all he felt familiar. He was easy to get along with, and from the small amount of conversation you had with him already, he was funny.

He packed his book bag and followed you out into the corridor.

“Where are you taking me Y/L/N?”

“It’s a secret, now keep up Pucey.”

He continued to follow you down a staircase and through a corridor. When you had finally reached the entrance of the kitchen you urged Adrian forward. He stared at you blankly, confused as ever. You took a step forward, now standing shoulder to shoulder with him. Reaching your hand up you tickled the pear in the middle of the portrait. The portrait swung open and revealed a warmly lit large kitchen with pots and pans draping the ceiling.

“Wow,” Adrian breathed out.

The two of you were immediately with welcoming and friendly house elves singing a chorus of “Welcome back Ms. Y/L/N” and “So good to see you Ms. Y/L/N.”

“Welcome to the Hogwarts kitchen Pucey,” you stated.

You thanked Winky as she handed you a warm mug of pumpkin juice and a chocolate chip muffin. Setting your stuff on the counter, you did your best to split the muffin into two equal halves. You handed a half to Adrian who greeted you with a warm smile of thanks.

“This is incredible Y/N,” Adrian mumbled out, his mouth still full with his half of the muffin.

With a wide-eyed gaze Adrian moved through the kitchen like a kid in the candy store, or similar to you at Honeydukes on a weekend trip to Hogsmeade.

“It’s pretty great. I come here during late night study sessions, if I’ve had a shitty day and I’m and feeling stressed, or if I’m just absolutely craving something when I’m in my dorm. The Hufflepuff common room is just around the corner,” you explained.

“And tonight?” Adrian asked.

“Late night study session…and stressed,” you answered chuckling before trailing off at the end.

“About what?” he asked.

“Well school for starters, and this upcoming quidditch match against Gryffindor. I mean we have a strong team and have worked hard at all are practices, but their seeker…I mean Harry is amazing. And I…I need to play phenomenally.”

“Y/N, you’re one of the most amazing flyers I know. The entire school knows this. You truly do fly circles around everyone, not just Flint,” he laughed, his tone reassuring and positive.

You recounted on the day you had first really noticed Adrian Pucey. Unfortunately, it wasn’t one of your fondest memories of Hogwarts. Your parents were too busy with work to see you off and Flint had called you a mudblood. You were distracted from your thoughts when you heard Adrian’s voice.

“I’m sorry about that Y/N,” he stated rather shamefully

“You know, about that day on the train…” he continued.

“Oh uhm yeah, don’t worry about it. It’s not like you said anything. Besides, I know Flint’s just insecure about being outflown by a girl.” Adrian laughed at your statement.

“True…but still, you didn’t deserve that. That term is outdated and inappropriate, and it shouldn’t matter how you got here. You deserve to be here,” he finished.

You smiled widely at him, surprised and touched by his genuineness. Looking at the clock you realized that it was getting late, and with a mandatory team practice before breakfast, you could use all the sleep you could get.

“Uhm I should—I should get going. It’s getting late,” you stated.

“Uh yeah, thanks Y/N, you know…for showing me your secret spot.”

“Anytime Pucey.”

You followed Adrian back out of the portrait, giggling to yourself as he tripped over his own feet trying to do a cool spin. He stumbled a bit before shaking his head in embarrassment, his own laugh roaring from his chest.

“Bloody hell…I’ll catch you later Y/L/N”

“Yeah, later…” you smiled to yourself. You don’t know what it was about him, but Adrian Pucey continued to have an unexplainable effect on you.

a/n: If you like my work please support by liking/reblogging. Also, feel free to message me about ideas. I haven’t written in a while because I don’t have a lot of time, but when inspiration hits i’ll sit down for hours

Masterlist

[dafukdidiwatch]

Part 32 End

I mean just...W O W. That is a lot. 

Right when Agatha finally gets the official approval of being the true heir....everything turns to shit again.

Tweedle kidnaps Agatha, acts as what a Tryannical Ruler would be being aggressive, sadistic, evil, just...fuck that is a good antagonist right there to be fucking with us.

But two and a half years. GOD. Literally the day the castle came back online, they lost the heterodyne again. Klaus fucked some shit right up, but if he surrenders to the castle then...at least he is out of Lucrezia’s hands. So that’s at least good.

But Gil and Tarvek. Tarvek is not dead (I refused that anyone is dead until I see their dead body assholes.) So maybe he is keeping Mechanicsburg in check while looking for Agatha? And Gil...yeah I don’t know what Klaus did to him, but he is letting his dark possessive side out. Did he destroy the empire and instated his own rule? Did he boil the waters of England like he promissed? Because while I like Gil over Tweedle, they currently have the same vibes of “I must capture Agatha to make her mine” and that is what’s scary. Gil is turning into the worst version of his father and it’s scary.

At least Dupree is safe from wasps. And Zeetha and Higgs are there spying so they can probably help...even if a rescue mission isn’t feisable anymore. I just, we need to know what’s happening right now.

[wugblogs]

heartstopper comic thoughts! starting at chapter 4 since this is apparently an approximate post-show-events time, even though it's not quite the same

a lot more family right off the bat. hello David you suck.

nick looks stupidly adorable in comic form too.

my best friend Issac isn't here! :( Aled is probably also good though, we'll see!

completely not about the comic but is anyone else amazed at the existence of the tunnel? you just DRIVE through the OCEAN?

"is pizza French" i'm extremely disappointed in truman/higgs education if these children don't know what Italy is

distracted from the gay by being jealous I haven't been to paris

not eating big meals is just how some people eat but if it's being brought up in a fictional story... concerning...

[exasperated voice] tao. this boy needs more self confidence. well, so does charlie. this friend group?

*narrows eyes at Nick's texts with his dad*

also knowing French has been surprisingly helpful. didn't anticipate that.

Harry...is not a static character apparently. Hmmmm. don't know how I feel about this yet.

je n'aime pas tao triste :(

et je n'aime pas however tf you say eating disorder in French. charlie nooo. eating disorders is one of the things I have trouble relating to on a personal level but I'm gonna hate seeing Charlie suffer.

He says they're going to talk next week which I guess is probably normal for a family where your dad lives in another country? I dunno. Also, are regular people using Google translate or just having no idea what's happening here, because I see no English version.

nick's dad ISN'T COMING. that was my guess already but :( Nick doesn't seem super disappointed at least? I have 0 read on this relationship.

Unimportant, but I assume Nelson is his mom's name, and with the implication that his dad being in Paris has been the situation for a long time... he doesn't seem to be a complete deadbeat dad, but an involved parent choosing to live in another country seems unusual. I wonder what the family dynamic in general is like here.

the kissed IN THE LOUVRE

first tao/elle kiss IN THE LOUVRE

that's just unfair. where's my Paris trip. and cute girlfriend.

whoa it's Gay Teachers time

how many gay teachers do we even have wow like the students are one thing (hundreds of them and birds of feather, so having a bunch in the same story is almost expected) but usually you get maybe 1 Gay Mentor Teacher Type

can't believe even the adults are trying to embarrass me though. this flirting is terrible.

[writingawaymylife]

NSFW Alphabet Higgs 18+

A/N: This has me now writing a Higgs smut. So that’s exciting! Also, everything under the cut because this is mature shit - so please be aware of that!

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He isn’t one for cuddling or gently helping you come down. After you’ve both come undone he’ll hover over you, or hold you on top of him for a moment. Just enjoying the comedown, and the heat and warmth of it all. Eventually, he’ll need to either get off of you, or get you off of him. Might go have a shower, get something to drink, have a smoke - whatever he feels he needs in that moment. 

If it was a particularly rough session, he would probably be more keen on how you’re doing. Asking if you’re alright, sticking beside you and just talking. No cuddling. He doesn’t really enjoy clammy, hot bodies after it all. 

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He doesn’t really have a favourite of his - but, if he had to chose, it would probably be his hands, or his tongue. This man has got some big hands, and those fingers? Just as skilled as his tongue. This man knows how to use his hands and mouth. Trust me.  

Higgs loves your neck and jaw. Leaving marks along your throat, a small bruise underneath the corner of your jaw. Drives him crazy seeing those pretty little marks once they start appearing. 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Loves coming in your mouth. The way your lips press a little tighter around him, how your throat constricts as you try to take it all down. And when you come up, and some slips onto your lips and you lick it off? This man will turn to putty just at the sight - or go absolutely feral. 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Tie this man up. Make him your whore. He tries to act like he is 100% into only having control, that he would never let someone make him scream. But if you give him that look, and hold his hands down? He wouldn’t be able to find it in him to fight it. He would just nod at whatever orders you gave him, let you completely bend and take him how you pleased, and he would love every minute of it.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Higgs has most definitely had some experience. Maybe not a lot, but he knows what he’s doing. Trust me, this man is a quick learner. Whatever you like, however you need to be pleased, he’ll find it all out, and he’ll have you crying before he’s even close to being done with you. He loves having you melt underneath him like that, and he’s willing to be as observant as possible to make it happen. 

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

He loves when you ride him. When he’s sitting up, back against the headboard and hands on your hips, moving you how he likes. You might be on top of him, but trust me, this man will still have control. Have you begging as he keeps to pace just below what you need, able to kiss along your neck and down your chest. Able to grab whatever he wants without anything obstructing his hands. 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Depends. Sometimes he’s in a mood. He doesn’t want to talk or think, he just wants you and you alone. 

Most times, he’s unable to keep a straight face. Either through teasing you, driving you crazy and making you want to almost throttle him from his taunting words - or through random, dry humoured comments that have you laughing, and totally ruin the atmosphere for the moment. Too serious and he gets uncomfortable, it feels to professional for a situation that is anything but. So expect him to make some stupid, offhanded, sassy comment in the middle of everything, sometimes without him even thinking about it.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He keeps himself clean down there. Trimmed - neat. Nothing too fancy or overly high maintained. 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Not the romantic type. The man isn’t one for soft, romantic, “making-love”. It just makes him uncomfortable, being that intimate. But eventually, as he gets more comfortable with you, he will take on his own version. 

The moments are far more sensual, if anything. Firm, sharp. Hands grabbing at your hips and dragging you close. Teeth nipping at skin and leaving small bruises, if you let him. Kisses are slower, more intimate in these moments, but there is still teeth and nips. Words mere whispers as he tells you how good you are for him, how amazing you’re making him feel.  

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

If he has to. Not against it, not really for it. He’s far more into fucking you over his hand, but if he has to he will. Quick tugs in a quick moment, eyes closed as he thinks about you and your lips and hand as he brings himself over the edge. 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Being tied up or tying you up - whichever works at the time, whichever you’re comfortable with. This is probably his go to. Loves feeling that twist in his stomach when his hands are tied over his head, only for you of course. 

Edging: This man can and will edge you for hours, when given the chance. Loves watching you squirm and beg, the way your body shakes as you get close, how your muscles clench tight when he leaves you just on the edge. And the way he can just take you for however long he wants. 

Edge play: He isn’t keen on actually cutting into your skin - he doesn’t want to cause any real harm. But he loves trailing his knife along your body, pressing it just enough where there’s that slight sting - cutting off your underclothing with a slightest flick of his wrist. Loves it. 

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Literally anywhere. Take you on the kitchen counter, the couch, the bed, the shower. Outside? He doesn’t care. Fuck you right on the ground - or maybe even against the truck or on the reverse trek. However, he can’t complain that a bed is the most comfortable - and that shower sex is amazing - so he would probably say those two are his favourite. 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Anything. Though he loves when you lean down a little more than needed to grab a cargo box, and the way your Timefall suit clings to your ass… drives him crazy. Sometimes you just get a little more snarky with him than usual, maybe your sass turns a little mote flirtatious, or maybe you just kicked ass in some MULE camp, and it just gets him going. 

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Voyeurism isn’t something he’s particularly keen on. Even when you’re out in the middle of the day, he tries to make sure it’s private. The risk of being caught is something he finds hot, but the actual act of getting seen while in the middle of something like that? He doesn’t like that idea, and he doesn’t like the thought of others seeing you like that, either. 

He also won’t do anything that causes too much harm. He doesn’t like when hands touch his throat, and he doesn’t really like wrapping his hand around yours either. Hitting, spanking, anything with blunt force makes him uncomfortable and can easily trigger him. Also there’s bathroom play - but I don’t really think I need to explain why on that account. 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

As much as he loves seeing your mouth around his cock, he loves giving. He loves the fact that he is the one making you feel this way, and that you are completely at his mercy. If he wants to stop he just can, leaving you breathless and begging. If he wants to push you a little further, have you come undone even further, drive you blind with pleasure? He can. He loves it. 

And trust me - you will too. This man knows what he’s doing. 

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends. He’s more into rough, firm, slow. Taking you in just a way where he can drive you crazy with want, along with himself, before finally giving in to what you both need. Sometimes he’s fast and rough - but he prefers to take his time, to watch you slowly come undone until your falling apart at the seams. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He really would rather take his time, but if time doesn’t allow that, he will most certainly go in for a quickie. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Absolutely loves to experiment. As long as it isn’t anything part of the no subject, he will give it a shot. 

Once you two got stuck in BT territory in your truck, were stuck there for a while. Higgs, being the creative bastard he is, came up with a very fun idea - seeing who could stay quiet the longest. Whoever made the first noise above a whimper or a muffled moan? They were at the will of whatever the other wanted when they got back home. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He can go for a few rounds. 

Unless he is really excited, he will probably last a long while too.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

If you had some toys, he would probably be up for using them. Whether that be on himself or you, he doesn’t mind. But he doesn’t own any of his own.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He loves teasing. Edging, getting you amped up without even touching you properly? Loves it. 

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s pretty quiet when you first start exploring with him. Keeps things to grunts and groans, definitely strings of curses - though he is definitely vocal when it comes to comments and jokes. However, eventually he starts getting more comfortable with you, and he gets a bit louder. He isn’t one for growling and crying out - not unless you are on top and your pulling them from him - but they will slip out. 

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Loves watching you tease yourself. When you’re completely at his mercy, and he has to tell you how fast or where to touch, it’s a giant boost to his pride. The fact that you are technically in control, and yet still gave him the wheel of the bus. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Higgs isn’t the thickest, but man has he got some length to him. 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He’s a slut. You could look at him from across the room and he’d already be taking off his clothing. 

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Usually takes him a while. He has a hard time falling asleep in general. So, while sex does help calm his mind and tire him out more, he still finds himself awake for a while afterwards. 

[builtonashes]

Lost It All

So I’m FINALLY done with this Higgs x Reader story where I managed to combine a few prompts I got here on Tumblr. It’s pretty long, but I do like the way it turned out! Please tell me what you think :)

Pairing: Reader (F) x Higgs Monaghan

Rating: E

Word count: 15 028 (!),  18 467 in the final version

AO3 link: here

WARNING! This is a previous version of the story. An updated (and much longer) one is available under the AO3 link. I’m leaving the first version here to let you compare them yourself should you want to do that! All the changes are fitted into chapter 2 on AO3 so that you don’t have to go through the entire thing again of you don’t want to.

You hated this. You hated the weather, you hated the temperature, you hated the fact that it was getting late and that you were still far away from your shelter. Did you mention that you hated the weather? Well, now that you did the timefall got even heavier. Be careful what you wish for, you guessed, sighing and adjusting your backpack. There was nowhere to rest or hide from the rain so the only way for you right now was forward.

It was during times like these that you regretted the fact that your shelter has not yet been connected to the chiral network. No timefall shelters, no bridges, no structures at all. Just some rocks and an ever expanding MULE territory. If it wasn’t for your job, you would have moved to one of the Knot Cities a long time ago. Unfortunately your research demanded a very specific climate and a very specific location. Which was both your doom and the best thing to happen to you as you were at least left alone, but then every single time you needed resources or instruments you had to get them on your own. Usually on foot and usually under the worst imaginable weather.

Ever since Sam Porter Bridges connected most of the facilities in America to the UCA, it was getting harder to avoid MULEs. Their camps kept moving unpredictably and they were constantly adjusting the type of weapons they used. You were lucky to avoid them during your expeditions as you usually travelled light; unfortunately there were more and more news about your colleagues getting ambushed and robbed, usually not even remotely close to the MULE territory. It made your heart skip a beat every time you heard an unknown noise, even if it was just an animal passing you by. You already filed for a contract with a porter company a while ago as they were much better equipped to handle such situations, but no single one wanted to take it as the deliveries were unevenly spaced and relatively rare. Therefore most of the equipment you needed you actually had to pick up yourself. It didn’t help that the equipment you needed for your research was very valuable. You were actually hoping that the MULEs were stupid enough to not realize what your company’s researchers were carrying. The chiral transmitters didn’t look valuable, but if disassembled into parts they could fetch insane prices on the black market. You knew this, the other researchers knew this; hopefully, the MULEs didn’t.

Coming back from Mountain Knot City you didn’t have far to travel, but you did have to do some hiking. You actually liked the fact that your shelter was located in a very remote location. It was quiet and really hard to find if you didn’t know where to look. The proximity of caves and passages was also something that worked to your advantage. It was incredibly easy to get lost, slip and fall or take a wrong turn and end up in a completely different place. Of course you knew the paths by heart and it always made you laugh at all your guests trying to locate the lab and cursing for a few minutes after they arrived. You wanted to put up some signage at some point but dropped the idea pretty fast. It was one of your only sources of amusement during your working hours.

You decided to think about the good things. In an hour or so you’ll finally be able to dig into the sweets Heartman sent you as a thank you gift. You noticed gingerbread cookies, candy, caramel fudge and shortbread. You were right to leave those for later. Now you had something to look forward to.

You could almost see the path leading to the first of the intersections you had to pass when the rain almost stopped. A few drops here and there, but at least it was easier to see now. You were just about to turn left and pass one of the meadows when something caught your eye. A movement; normally your instincts would tell you to expect some kind of a forest animal, but there was no wildlife here; timefall got rid of it very effectively. You had to learn to not trust your instincts anymore. You suddenly felt blood rush to your head, filling your ears with a slow thrum of your own heartbeat. There was a sudden weight in your stomach slowly giving way to panic. Was someone here? Who could it be? Were you supposed to run? Or maybe try to hide?

Unfortunately, before you were able to make the decision you heard a swoosh of air and  noticed an electric rod dig into the ground right next to you with a loud thump. You felt a jab of searing pain in your left leg, traveling all the way up to your knee. You tried willing your body to run, but the only thing you managed to do was fall over with dreaded realization that you couldn’t move. You couldn’t move your legs, you couldn’t move your hands. Apparently this time it was you the MULEs decided to ambush.

Your theory was confirmed in a few seconds as two strangers in very distinctive jumpsuits approached you, lifting you up by the arms and watching you closely. You closed your eyes shut, trying to calm down a little. There was no use in panicking. They already had you; the only way you could get out of this was by thinking smart.

„What do we have here?”, came a low, amused voice, forcing you to open your eyes. „Looks like it’s our lucky day, boys. I suggest we take her stuff it for safekeeping. What do you think?”

Two other men approached and ripped your backpack off your back. Going through your stuff, they discarded everything they didn’t need on the ground and finally found what they were looking for. The instruments were taken out with a loud aha! and quickly stowed away in one of the man’s vast pockets. You suddenly felt a hand tighten around your wrists, twisting them behind your back.

„What else do you have there, miss?”, the guy asked, the tone of his voice weirdly excited. „Apparently following you was a good decision. We were hoping to find maybe one of those expensive ass transmitters, but two? Almost like Christmas coming early this year.”

Well, that was it for hoping that the MULEs didn’t know how valuable your equipment was. You stood silently, trying to even out your breaths so that you wouldn’t hyperventilate. Your legs were still very weak, but you had no idea whether it was because of the electrocution or because of the pain. Your head was spinning and you felt nauseous. What were they going to do to you? The MULE’s grip on your wrists tightened even more, bordering on painful.

„You already have my stuff,” you whispered through gritted teeth, trying to take your mind away from the pain. „I don’t have anything else that could be useful to you.”

„Well, that’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart,” the MULE’s voice suddenly gained an undertone that made you feel very uncomfortable. „You see, we don’t have many visitors. Why don’t we have some fun before we let you go, huh? What do you say?”

You turned your head to look at the man right next to you. Tall, well-built, with a strong grip. There was no way you could overpower him. One good thing was that they were not going to kill you, not wanting to risk a voidout. Then again… there were so many other things they could have done to you it almost made you throw up. Unfortunately, you were still not able to move your legs. There was no way you were going to run.

You suddenly felt a stray tear fall down your cheek. The stress was getting to you. Your stomach felt like a tight, ice-cold knot and you could still feel the excruciating pain in your muscles. All these years with no incidents, all these comfortable years when you somehow felt invincible. And now this. They could do anything they wanted and there was no way for you to fight back. You were a scientist, for fuck’s sake - how were you supposed to oppose a group of men armed to the teeth?

Apparently it was only going to get worse.

The first hit to your face was hard and painful, immediately making your eyes water even more. You gasped, trying to move away, but the hold they had on your wrists was very powerful. The second blow was aimed at your stomach and sent you kneeling down on the ground. That was when you heard three vicious laughs right next to you and a new voice, a little higher than the last one.

„Just how I like them; on their knees and with nowhere to run,” the man said, moving closer and standing right in front of you. „Maybe we should take her to our camp? What do you think?”

„Dunno, boss,” an answer came from behind. „Too much trouble, I think.”

„Yeah, you’re probably right. Besides, we have a few other deliveries to catch.”

The sudden sharp pull on your hair made you gag, the boss’ hand bringing your face upwards to look you in the eyes. You couldn’t see him underneath the entire suit, but the urge to throw up was almost overwhelming.

„Gonna tell me your name, sweetheart?” - he asked, tightening the grip on your hair.

You shook your head. It would be too easy for them to target your friends if they knew who you were. You also knew that you were a terrible liar, so there was no use trying to come up with a random name just to give them something.

„As you wish,” the man said in a sing-song voice and raised his fist to hit you again. „Or maybe? Hm?”

You didn’t say anything and braced for another blow you could almost see coming. When the man’s gloved hand connected with your face you could swear there was something in there that tore the skin of your left cheek. And if that wasn’t enough, you could feel blood running down your nose, painting your mouth red.

„Nevermind then. We don’t need her conscious, now do we, boys? What would you say if I…”

He was suddenly cut short by something you were too exhausted to notice, your eyelids feeling too heavy to open fully. But there was movement; it was fast, chaotic, and there was a voice saying something you couldn’t understand. What you did manage to notice however was that there was a sudden release of both your wrists and hair, resulting in you falling to the ground again. Still unable to move your body, but able to twist your neck, you saw a flurry of black and red, painted with a little of orange signifying the MULEs’ jumpsuits. It was just a few minutes before you heard footsteps approaching, automatically flinching at the sound. What just happened? BTs? Another group of MULEs? You squeezed your eyes shut, not knowing what to expect, but bracing for pain nonetheless. When no blows came, you decided to slowly open your eyes.

„Hey, you alright?” The man approaching you crouched next to you and looked at your face. When he moved closer you saw him too; dirty and a little banged up, with a mouth crooked upwards in a smile. „I swear if I see those bastards here again I’m going to kick them to the nearest Beach. You have no idea how much they irritate me.”

Did this man… save you? Or was he just trying to take your cargo for himself? You tried to move, your body still in a lot of pain. It was hard to talk.

„Wh… Who…?”

„Oh, who am I? Just a random passer-by. I keep wandering those mountains and looking for… stuff. And I really don’t like these guys fucking with random hikers.”

You grunted, spitting out blood and finally managing to move enough to lay on your back. The relief was much greater than you initially thought if would be, but the searing pain was still there, making you shiver uncontrollably and intensifying the dizziness. „You… saved my… life-” you wanted to say, but he interrupted you immediately.

„Well, they wouldn’t’ve killed you, darling,” he moved even closer to you and reached out with his gloved hands, wiping the blood from your face with his thumb. „Okay, now you look almost like a regular human being, but this cheek is gonna need stitches. Anyway, I’ve seen those guys do some nasty stuff to the people they ambush. Now don’t get me wrong. They wanna steal, I’m not gonna care. But this, I don’t want to see on my watch.”

You closed your eyes and felt the adrenaline leaving your body. Suddenly the pain was almost as unbearable as the fatigue. You started wondering how you were going to get back to your shelter.

„Fuck, it hurts,” you sighed, gritting your teeth.

„I can imagine,” the man said, sitting down on the ground right next to you. „Hey, I have a favor to ask. Do you live far?”

„No… not really.”

„Great. I’ll help you get there. Looking at your company tag, you probably have some food and a place for me to crash for a while. You think you could help me out, darling?”

Every single cell of your being screamed no, you have no idea who that man is, don’t trust him, but on the other hand, he did save you from the MULEs. It was the least you could do to pay him back.

„Fine,” you said, opening a direction map on your cufflink; the action almost seemed impossible in your current state. You could feel your head swimming again and your vision was beginning to darken. „Let’s go… before the rain gets worse.”

„Sure thing.”

Before you even had the time (or strength, for that matter) to protest, he picked you up and started carrying you with an it’ll be faster that way thrown carelessly in the air between you. The last thing you were able to notice before you threw up and then passed out was that he was also carrying the chiral transmitters the MULEs stole from you.

***

You woke up with a dull headache, opening your eyes seeming impossible at first. Where were you? What happened? You did have some recollection of the most recent events, but definitely not all of them. You remembered your way home from Mountain Knot City, the MULE attack… oh, and the strange man who saved you from those idiots.

Forcing yourself to open your eyes, you noticed that you were in your own shelter. In your own bed. Everything hurt like crazy, something pulling at your cheek and your jaw feeling incredibly swollen. You tried to move your legs and almost, almost made it when you heard a shuffle of fabric and noticed the stranger suddenly standing next to you.

He was taller than you remembered.

„Good morning, sunshine,” he chimed, leaning over you and looking you in the eyes. „How are we feeling today? You slept for an entire day, you know. You have no idea how bored I was.”

You tried sitting up a little, just to be able to talk to him more comfortably. A day? Your head was wrapped in bandages, some strange gel covering your leg. What the hell happened here?

„Wh… how…”

„Don’t try talking yet, darling. You’re still exhausted. I patched you up the best I could, so you’re probably going to live. Oh, and your friend Heartman called. I didn’t pick up because I didn’t want him to freak out. By the way, what kind of a stupid name is that?”

Heartman called? Oh God. He was probably worried sick by now.

Sitting up a little with your back resting against the pillows, you moved your hand up and noticed purple bruises where your cufflink was. Probably from the strong grip those bastards had on your wrists. Only then did you realize how lucky you actually were that nothing worse happened to you.

„Alright,” you sighed, not really able to think as fast as you would’ve like to. „Thank you. Really. Have you been here all this time?”

Instead of answering, the man reached for a bottle of water and a straw, moving it up to your face. You caught the straw greedily between your lips and even though you knew it wasn’t wise to drink this much this fast, you didn’t care. You were so thirsty.

„Yes,” the man answered, sitting on the bed right next to you. You were finally able to take a better look at him. „It’s actually pretty cozy here. And warm. And I was right about you having food. By the way, I ate most of it.”

The man was tall and well-built, currently wearing a black t-shirt and cargo pants. You noticed a few scars on his arms and hands. His hair was a mess and he apparently hasn’t shaved in the last few days, but he still looked… friendly? Well, definitely not as someone who could hurt you. The look in his blue eyes made a very different impression though.

With the water doing wonders for your sore throat, you were finally able to focus your thoughts a little more.

„Who are you?” You asked, leaning back into the pillows.

„Do you really want to know?” His tone was playful. Why was it playful?

„Well, you spent all this time here and patched me up, so I guess I could at least get to know your name.”

He seemed hesitant. Placing the now empty water bottle on the ground, he shifted uncomfortably.

„I’m not… the most desired person to be around right now, you know.”

„So I’ve guessed. But don’t worry, anything you say here is safe with me. I owe you that much.”

He shifted again, suddenly moving his gaze away from you.

„Alright. It’s not like you weren’t going to find out anyway. My name is Higgs. Higgs Monaghan.”

You blinked twice, expecting him to say that it was a joke. But he didn’t. If he really was who he was saying he was, you let the most dangerous man in the world into your home. Very smart, Y/N. Very smart.

But then again, if he wanted to hurt you or abuse you in any way, wouldn’t he already have done so? Something was wrong here.

„That Higgs Monaghan? Weren’t you supposed to be dead? Or, I don’t know, exiled or something?”

He moved his head, looking at you again. There were so many conflicting emotions lingering on his face that you had no idea how to read them.

„Well, that didn’t really work out,” he shrugged. „Although I am exiled in a way, you know. Anyway, I won’t be too much of a bother. I promise. I’m just going to crash here for the next few days and leave, and you’re never going to see me again.”

„Wait,” you said, trying to follow his train of thought. „So that’s all you want? A place to crash?”

„Uhh, yeah. I don’t really… have anywhere to go now, you know. And I figured that you might help me if I helped you. So I jumped in when those nasty MULEs were trying to hurt you. I guess it was kinda selfish of me, huh?”

You sat in silence for a few moments, trying to figure out how to respond. Higgs, the terrorist and cold-blooded killer, sitting on your bed, definitely not acting like the monster you heard he was.

Something was not right here. Was he… playing you? Maybe he was planning to take you hostage? Your brain immediately started coming up with so many different scenarios your head started to hurt. You had to do something, something that would make you feel safe.

„Alright,” you said after a while, closing your eyes again to try and control the headache. „I have to call Heartman. He’s going to worry.”

„Have fun then. I’ll be on the couch, eating.”

You watched with disbelief as he stood up and left the room, hearing him sit down on your couch in the space you liked to call your living room. Not like it resembled one at all, but you liked to have this distinction. Suddenly, you felt even more uneasy. This man was in your house, in your room. It was no longer your private, personal space. What was he trying to do? Did he have any hidden agenda? You were hoping to observe his reaction to your mention of needing to call Heartman, but he didn’t seem to care. So probably not a hostage. Maybe he was actually telling the truth.

Maybe he was just as lost as the rest of the world.

You opened a connection on your cufflink. Heartman picked up after half a beep.

„Y/N, Gods, I was worried sick!”, you heard him say on the other side and suppressed a chuckle. „What happened? Where were you? Why did I get those weird biometric readings?”

„It’s nice to talk to you too,” you smiled, the motion making you flinch with pain due to your cheek injury. „Before I tell you anything, I just want you to know that I’m fine.”

„What are you talking abo-”

„I was attacked by MULEs,” you said quickly, not really wanting to get into another long discussion about the need to monitor every single activity of all people who work on the network. „But I’m fine. A little bruised, but I’ll live.”

„What-how-I’m sending a medical team to you right away-”

„Stop,” you could almost imagine the scowl he would make at that. „Do I need to remind you that we only have one medical team at our disposal? I suggest you don’t bother them every single time I get a bruise. They might, you know, actually be needed somewhere.”

You heard Heartman sigh. He knew you were right. On the other hand, you also knew that he always worried about his fellow scientists.

„Alright,” he said, defeat obvious in his voice. „But please promise me that you’re going to call me if you need anything. And send me the coordinates so I can send an investigation team to secure the area.”

„I will. Now please stop worrying. I just have to rest for a while and I’ll be good as new.”

„Only if you really rest, you know. Not get to work right away,”

„I know, I know. But you really don’t need to worry. I know I have to take it easy every once in a while.”

„I hope you do. I’ll call you again in a few hours to make sure.”

„Well, I can’t promise I won’t be sleeping then.”

„Or working.”

„I love you too.”

You ended the connection and sat back on the pillows. It really did take a huge toll on you to pretend that you were feeling better than you actually were. Your muscles hurt, your head was spinning and you were pretty sure there were burns on your leg because of the electrocution. At least it felt that way. Not to mention that you could feel the stitches pulling every single time you moved your jaw.

Higgs came back into the bedroom, carrying something with him.

„I brought you something to eat,” he said, eyeing the package carefully. „But I’m not sure how to serve this.”

You glanced to the right, noticing what he was holding.

„You… have to boil it first,” it was beginning to get harder and harder to talk.

He approached you with a weird expression on his face.

„I’m… not sure I understand. How do I boil it?”

„You know. The usual way. You boil water, put the contents in the pot and add some spices. And a spoonful of butter. Then you boil it some more.”

„Wait… what?” His expression changed to puzzled and you realized he had no idea what you were talking about.

„Nevermind,” you sighed, the pain in your back getting worse and worse. „I probably wouldn’t be able to eat it anyway. There’s some protein bars in one of the cupboards. Do you know how to make tea or is that too much for you?”

„Hey! No need to be rude!”

„Sorry. I’m just… it really hurts, you know.”

His features softened a little and he sighed too.

„Okay. I’ll be right back.”

You slumped down on the pillows again and tried to regulate your breathing. Your legs did not only hurt, now they were starting to itch. Maybe you should try and get up just so you could make sure Higgs used the proper medicine.

You moved your entire body to the left and tried moving your legs too to let them dangle from the bed. It hurt like hell, but then again it wasn’t because of the pressure, so you figured it wouldn’t get worse if you placed your feet on the floor and tried to get up.

Unfortunately you were very, very wrong.

The second you pulled yourself up you fell down hard, hitting the floor with a loud thud and the fall resulted in a cascade of pain travelling between your legs and your chest. Suddenly it got hard to breathe. You got scared and felt tears well up in your eyes, constricting your airway even further. Still, before you managed to make any additional sound Higgs was by your side, lifting you up and placing you back on the bed. As soon as you were laid flat again, the suffocating feeling disappeared.

„Seriously, can’t you just lay still for a moment? You’re really badly hurt. You’re not supposed to be moving.”

„I know… I just…” you hated how weak your voice sounded. „I thought…”

„Just stay here, okay? You’ll be back up in no time, but you can’t rush it. Which reminds me, I have to change the dressing on your face. But that can wait until you’re done eating.”

He actually brought you one of the protein bars and some fresh brewed tea. You tried taking it easy with the bar, knowing that you literally won’t be able to stomach it if you ate it too fast. You had to admit that the meal actually made you feel a lot better.

„Thank you,” you said, feeling much warmer and a little stronger. „I’m sorry for being an idiot. I won’t do that again.”

„Good. Now sit up so I can redress that wound.”

You were surprised with the swiftness of his moves when he took off the old dressing, cleaned the area of the wound and placed new gauze on top of your skin. You didn’t fail to notice that he actually knew what he was doing. It made you a little less concerned about the state of your legs.

„Does it look bad?” You asked, looking away from his face.

„Not really,” he said, collecting the used gauze from your bed. „It probably won’t even leave a scar. I had to put two stitches in, but if you don’t fumble with it then you have nothing to worry about.”

Two stitches. In your face. Great.

„Thank you.”

You didn’t have a lot of energy to talk more than that, so you laid back down and decided to take it easy. You noticed Higgs leaving for the living room again, heard him sit down on your couch again and slowly drifted into dreamless sleep.

Maybe it would really do you good to just take it easy for a while.

***

The next few days were a blur, consisting mostly of sleep, eating, taking care of your injuries and Higgs washing your skin with a damp cloth. You were not really comfortable with him taking off your shirt and pants to do that, but you had to admit you were grateful for his help, especially since you were in no condition to just get up and take a shower. He would submerge the cloth in warm water, sit down next to you on the bed and wipe the sweat and blood off your body.

„How long are you planning to stay here?” You asked during the third session, trying to take your mind off the fact that you didn’t really like strangers touching you, especially in such a vulnerable state.

„I don’t know,” he answered, not looking at your face. „Probably a few more days. I’ll wait until you can take care of yourself. But I can leave now if you want me to.”

You did and you didn’t. You had to admit that it was nice to have someone to talk to, but then again it was Higgs, a mass-murdering terrorist with strange powers that you couldn’t even begin to understand. And yet he did nothing to scare you so far. You figured he would’ve hurt you a long time ago if that’s what he was after. Apparently that was not the case.

„It’s fine,” you said, trying to adjust your position so that your back wouldn’t hurt as much. „I just… I don’t really understand what you’re doing here.”

„Mostly reading,” he answered with a silent chuckle. „But yeah, you probably have quite a lot of questions regarding what my plan is. Allow me to explain then. I have no plan. I’m just trying to find a new place for myself now that I’m no longer the herald of death.”

You blinked.

„Excuse me?”

„The extinction entity cut me loose. BRIDGES found and destroyed my hideout. I made so many enemies that it’s probably not a good idea to live close to other people. I’m sure that if you told BRIDGES where I am they would immediately hunt me down. So yeah, I guess I owe you one too. For not telling them, that is.”

You haven’t even thought about that, but now that he said it, it made perfect sense. One message or one phone call and they could be here in half an hour. But it’s not like it would be of any use.

„Why would I do that? You would probably just kill everyone, me included, and all my work would disappear in a voidout.”

He snorted.

„Yeah, I probably would.”

Something was off in his voice, but you decided not to pry any further. You couldn’t help but feel that the conversation was turning dangerous.

In a week the pain in your legs finally got bearable and you could stand up to take a shower. Higgs helped you get to the bathroom, holding one strong arm around your shoulders. You were surprised to notice that he was actually rather skinny - something you were not able to notice with all the clothes he was wearing. He left you by the door and returned to the couch, looking tired. Passing by the living room you noticed discarded wrappers, empty bags of crisps and sweets, but no plates or bowls of actual food. It puzzled you a little, but the thoughts left you as soon as you entered the shower and finally let the warm water run down your skin.

It wasn’t easy to move your arms and your body in general, but you managed somehow, washing yourself the best you could. It was amazing to finally feel clean, to finally be able to wash your hair. There were burn marks on your legs, a few leftover bruises and the still-healing cut on your cheek, but you had to admit it wasn’t that bad. It could’ve been a lot worse. You shook your head, trying not to think about what the MULEs were planning to do to you. You were fine. You were going to be fine, because he helped you. Even if he only did it because of his own selfish reasons, there was no denying that he basically saved you.

You suddenly felt wrong, not really being able to pinpoint the reason why.

When you put on some clean clothes and returned to the living room, you were surprised to see Higgs laying on the couch, curled up in a fetal position under a blanket, asleep. Now that you had more time, you took a better look at him. There was only one word coming to mind looking at him then. Vulnerable. Pale skin, bags under his eyes. What was the deal with this guy? From what you heard, he was supposed to be the most powerful human being on the entire planet.

You sat down next to him, trying to not wake him up. He shifted under the blanket, murmuring something under his breath. It was only then that you noticed a digital notepad laying on the table in front of you. It wasn’t yours, so it must’ve been him who left it there. Without giving it much thought, you reached out and grabbed it with your right hand, careful not to move too much both because of the pain and the fact that you didn’t really want him to know that you were going through his stuff. Still, it looked like he was working on it, so maybe it was going to give you some answers. Especially since he left it unlocked.

You noticed a few files on the desktop, all named using dates. You clicked the one featuring today’s one. When you noticed that it was just a wall of text, you decided to close it, but something stopped you. The title.

It was a journal.

Higgs was writing a journal.

You sent a quick glance his way to make sure that he was still sleeping. There was no movement from his side, so you decided to read through it.

You would have never expected to read what you did.

You’re all alone now. You’ve lost everything. Your mask, her quipu, the BB doll… gone.

You thought you had the power, that you were the one fated to lead them unto extinction… yet here you are, alone. You thought you were in control. That this was your role, your dream… The verge of victory, of oblivion for one and all… Herald, executioner, pawn. God particle? Hah. A stupid name for a stupid goddamn fool.

This was your life, Higgs. Your tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and righteous fury…

Signifying nothing.

You stared at the notepad, trying to wrap your head around what you just read. What was that supposed to mean? Was this what he meant by cut loose by the extinction entity? Or maybe…

Your train of thought was abruptly stopped by a hand snatching the notepad away from you. You screamed in surprise as Higgs was immediately upon you, hands pinning you down to the couch, one on your chest, one on your neck. Anger was burning in his eyes.

„You should not have done that,” he whispered through gritted teeth, face inches away from yours. „You really should not have done that.”

He squeezed hard, blocking your airway, bringing tears to your eyes.

God, why were you so damn stupid.

„I’m… sorry…” you wheezed, trying to take a breath, but his grasp got even tighter. „I didn’t… know…”

„Of course you didn’t,” he spat, his expression even more angry. „You think I did?”

Tears were falling down your face now, not allowing you to speak anymore. So this is it, you thought. Curiosity always kills the cat. And you were going to die here, Higgs was going to kill you with his bare hands, your shelter will be destroyed in a voidout and that would be it. Your life and research gone with a snap of his fingers.

And then, suddenly, his hands let go and he pulled away from you.

The breath you took felt like something that could rupture your lungs, burn through your entire body with the sheer force of your constricting muscles. But it didn’t. It left you gasping for more air, your neck hurting and bruised, incredibly painful. You blinked a few times to chase the tears away, wheezing as your body desperately pleaded for more oxygen. You moved away, sitting up instinctively, trying to protect yourself from the man in front of you. But he was just sitting there, a shadow of defeat present on his face.

It made your chest hurt once again, but this time it was an entirely different feeling.

„I’m sorry,” you whispered, your voice coarse from the assault. „You’re right. I shouldn’t have touched your stuff.”

He didn’t answer. He just slumped on the couch, back under the blanket, turning away from you.

„It’s fine,” he said after what felt like hours, resignation obvious in his voice. „It’s not like it matters now anyway.”

You didn’t know what to do. What were you supposed to say? What were you supposed to do? You had so many questions, but there was no way to ask them now. You didn’t want to make him angry, but there was obviously something wrong, something that made you think he wasn’t really the man he was said to be, at least now. Something that made you think he might’ve been through more than you and that he didn’t just look defeated.

He was defeated.

You stood up, massaging your neck and making your way into the kitchen. You needed some food to help you think. By the looks of your living room, he needed some real food too, so you decided to make something that would actually be both good and nutritious.

Going through your fridge, you were glad to see that most of your groceries were still good to go. You still had some vegetables from the timefall farm, some rice, some frozen chicken. Apparently Higgs only dug into your supply of protein bars and junk food. You felt a shiver run down your spine when you thought about his eating habits. Well, he still saved your life. And you were an idiot to look into his notepad, yes, but you could at least try and make it up to him somehow. You didn’t want to make him think that you weren’t grateful.

Although it might have been too late for that.

When you were done with the preparations you put the rice, the chicken and the vegetables into two bowls and went back into the living room. Higgs was awake, sitting on the couch and clicking frantically on his notepad. You felt another shiver, but suppressed it quickly and approached the couch, sitting down right next to him.

„Here,” you said, offering him one of the bowls. „I made some food.”

He looked at the bowl, a puzzled expression on his face.

„You’re not trying to poison me, are you?”

„No Higgs, I’m not. Eat. You could use some actual food.”

„I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

„Protein bars and crisps are not actual food.”

„Maybe for you.”

You were glad to notice that he was back to his usual demeanor, not sulking under the blanket. You took it as a good sign. He took the bowl from you and started eating, eyeing the first spoonful carefully.

„It’s not going to bite you.”

„Very funny,” he said, swallowing down a particularly big portion of vegetables. „Oh.”

„What?”

„It’s… it’s really good.”

You’ve never seen anyone eat so fast before. He devoured the entire bowl in what felt like seconds while you were still on your second bite. He must have noticed the surprise on your face, so he smiled a little and carefully put the bowl back on the table.

„There’s more if you want.”

„Yes please.”

He ate another serving of the meal just as fast, his look turning into disappointment when he was done. Ultimately he ended up eating another portion and only then did he finally seem sated.

„I take it that you liked it.”

„It was amazing,” he said, making you chuckle. „Really. It was the best meal I ever had.”

„Well, I’m glad. I need to rest now. Cooking was more exhausting than I thought, but the food made me feel better too.”

You sat on the couch for a while longer, Higgs looking weirdly confused. Apparently he wanted to say something more. So you just sat there looking at him until he finally sighed.

„I’m sorry,” his voice was soft, no angry undertone present anymore. „I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. I just… I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t planning on showing this to anyone. I guess I just had to let it out of my system somehow.”

You got more comfortable on the couch, your legs starting to hurt again. He moved, making more space for you.

„I know,” you said after a while. „We can agree it never happened if you promise not to do it ever again.”

„I promise,” he answered immediately, a pleading look on his face. „I do. I don’t want to hurt you.”

You smiled.

„Good,” you said, the stress and worry dissipating a little bit. „And I promise I’m never going to touch anything that belongs to you without your permission.”

„Thanks.”

„But we can talk about it if you want. About what’s bothering you so much, I mean. Maybe it’ll make you feel… better.”

He sighed again.

„There’s nothing to talk about. I’m done and it’s all over. Everything is gone. There’s nothing I can do or change in that matter.”

You moved a little to massage your legs. The muscles were still sore and you felt very weak. Starting with your feet, you moved upwards, kneading your calves carefully.

„Alright. I’m not going to pry. But I want you to know that you can talk to me. It’s the least I can do.”

„You already did more than enough,” he ran his hand through his hair. „Here, let me.”

You stopped moving and looked at him, puzzled.

„What?”

„You’re tired. Let me massage your legs for you. Sit back and relax.”

You were surprised with his offer, but did as you were told. Straightening your back to lay against the pillows on the couch, you extended your legs and he started massaging your left foot. It felt much better than your own hands, still weak and tired from an entire week of just laying down.

It was actually a very pleasant feeling.

„You don’t have to do this.”

„I want to. Shut up.”

Relaxing into the couch a little more, you groaned with disbelief and decided to just let it go. You sat like that for a few minutes, Higgs massaging your legs carefully and you feeling better and better with every passing minute.

„I guess it would do me good if I actually walked for a bit,” you said after a while, moving your legs away and placing your feet on the ground. „I do have to get stronger. I have to get back to work. Which reminds me… I think I noticed you taking my stuff back from the MULEs.”

„Ah, yes. I left these weird things by your bed. One might be broken though.”

„Doesn’t matter. I can always repair it. Making a new one would probably be… impossible,” you sighed, standing up and stretching. „Anyway, I guess I’ll try to slowly get to work. I’ll be in my study if you need me.”

„Study?”

„Yeah, this tiny room over there. I have my desk and instruments there. I’m gonna go through my calendar and figure out what I have to do.”

„Okay, but try not to overwork yourself. I’m not carrying you back to the bedroom.”

You snorted.

„I may not look like it, but I’m actually pretty resilient, you know.”

„Oh, that you are. But you’re also pretty stupid sometimes, so I’m saying it just in case.”

You rolled your eyes and left the living room, taking the chiral transmitters from the bedroom and placing them on the desk in your study. You were right; one was broken, but it wasn’t anything you won’t be able to fix.

Still, you figured it might be a good idea to give Heartman another call.

„Hey there,” you said as soon as your cufflink connection went through. „Just wanted to report that I’m feeling much better.”

„That’s great,” the scientist’s voice came from the speaker. He was obviously relieved. „I take it that you were resting?”

„I was, actually. But I think it’s high time I got back to work. I’m bored.”

Heartman laughed. His laugh always made your heart warmer.

„Good, good,” he said, voice soft and sweet as always. „I actually have some good news for you.”

„Go on.”

„We signed a contract with a security company working with BRIDGES. They will be patrolling the area between our settlements, so we won’t have to worry about MULEs any longer. They already started with the patrols too, so you’ll be safe to travel when you get better.”

„Are you saying that because you’re concerned about our safety or because you want to invite me over for tea?”

„Do I really have to choose?”

You both laughed for a while, his words always lightening your mood. Talking to him felt like home. After all, he was the closest thing you had to a family. You didn’t want him to worry about you too much, but being the kind-hearted man he was you knew it was impossible for him to just let this go. So you actually… lied to him a few times. Just so that you didn’t put even more strain on his poor heart.

You talked for a while longer, Heartman giving you updates about his most recent work so that you could jump right in. As soon as you were done, you decided to work on the broken chiralium transmitter first. Your back still hurt a little and your legs would cramp from time to time, but it was nothing you couldn’t live with. Still, you decided that three hours of work was enough and decided to get back to the bedroom and get some sleep.

You were expecting to find Higgs on the couch, minding his own business, but as soon as you entered the living room you noticed that something was off. It was quiet. Lifeless. The room was empty, two bowls you ate out of still on the table. There was no sign of Higgs in the bathroom or your bedroom either. You sat down on the couch, sighing deeply and feeling a sting of guilt in your stomach.

You didn’t expect him to leave so soon.

***

„I have to tell you something.”

You were sitting at a table in Heartman’s lab, a cup of tea in your hand. You left your shelter for the first time since the assault. It felt so long ago that you couldn’t believe it has just been a little over a month, especially since almost all of your injuries were perfectly healed by then.

„Oh?” Heartman’s tone was inquisitive, curious. „What’s that?”

„About the attack. I wasn’t completely honest with you.”

You noticed his expression shift into concern.

„What are you talking about?”

You reached for a gingerbread cookie and chewed on it, trying to find the right words.

„Can you promise me that it’s going to stay between us? I don’t want BRIDGES all over this.”

„Of course,” Heartman activated his cufflink and cut off all network connections just in case. „Please don’t tell me I have to be worried. Did they… what did they do to you?”

You looked around, following the lights of network switches going offline with your eyes. As soon as the last one was off, you sighed and moved a little closer to the table.

„There was a man,” you started, not really knowing how to put all of this into words; still, you knew you had to talk to someone and Heartman was the only person you trusted wholeheartedly. „He saved me. He took care of me. He brought me back to my shelter, nursed me back to health and disappeared. It has been bothering me ever since.”

Heartman blinked, opening his mouth to speak and closing it back immediately.

„A man? You mean, a stranger?”

„Not really. Well, I had no idea who he was at first, but then he introduced himself and I was sure he wanted to use me as a hostage or something. But he didn’t. He just sat there, saying that he lost everything and that he had nowhere to go, and that…”

„Y/N,” the look in Heartman’s eyes was soft, but also full of worry when he interrupted your sentence. „Who was this man?”

You sighed.

„Higgs Monaghan. It was Higgs Monaghan.”

Heartman’s eyes widened in obvious shock, a visible shiver running down his spine.

„That Higgs Monaghan?”

„Yes.”

„And you didn’t think it might be a good idea to tell me?”

„No, because I was sure that if BRIDGES learned about his whereabouts they would send a small army to hunt him down and he’d just kill everyone and send all my research to hell with a voidout!”

„Alright, alright,” Heartman’s tone changed to apologetic since he realized he might have upset you. „You’re sure it was him?”

„Yes.”

„But you said he took care of you. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would he?”

„I don’t know. He said he figured I could take him in for a few days and that I probably had food. I figured it’s the least I could’ve done to repay him. He did save me from the MULEs, you know.”

Heartman looked puzzled, obviously going through what he just heard in his head.

„I have a hypothesis,” he said after a while. „I already shared it with Sam and Die-Hardman. I think it would make a lot of sense if what you’re saying is true.”

„Meaning?”

„Meaning that we believe Higgs lost his powers after he lost the connection to Amelie. He was supposed to wander the Beach for all eternity, but the extinction entity brought him back to our world. Powerless.”

Suddenly, it all clicked.

„My God, you might be right. I accidentally read his journal and it was… he seemed so defeated. He wrote about being alone, about losing everything. At the time I didn’t understand what it could mean. But God, you can be right.”

Heartman put his cup of tea back on the table and moved his wrist to open something on his cufflink.

„Look,” he said, showing you a chart analyzing a BB doll. „We ran tests on the dolls, actually being able to confirm that they acted as conduits between Amelie and her pawns. Higgs had one just like that. I believe that when Amelie took the doll away from him, he didn’t lose his powers per se, just the connection to the source. But we don’t know how it might affect him. Have you seen him use his powers?”

„No,” you admitted, trying to recall the events of the assault. „I remember MULEs beating me up and some very blurry scenes. I don’t know if it was him attacking them or anything.”

„Well, we must assume that my theory might be true. Still, there is no power source even half as great as Amelie. If he truly did lose it, there’s no way he’s getting it back.”

You suddenly felt your chest tighten with pain. Why would that affect you so much?

Heartman closed the chart and brought his cup of tea back to his lips, taking a long sip.

„Why save me then?” You asked suddenly, rather asking yourself than Heartman.

„There are a few options. One, he figured he might use you somehow. Two, he wanted what you had for himself. Three, he’s actually powerless and lost. Four… all of the above, I guess.”

„What if it’s number three? What if he actually has nowhere to go?”

Heartman straightened his back in the chair, obviously concerned. Not for Higgs though; his concern was for you.

„Well… with all the people currently after him, I don’t really think he has a chance to live much longer. Not after what he’s done. I’m not going to report him to BRIDGES, but I think you should. It’s only a matter of time before they find him.”

„You think they’re going to kill him?”

„I wouldn’t be surprised.”

You wouldn’t have been surprised either. And yet somehow it felt so wrong to judge this man like that.

God, what a mess, you thought. What an actual, fucked up mess.

***

You thought that talking to Heartman might make you feel better; in reality, it made you feel a lot worse.

Coming back to your shelter from his lab you felt your heart growing heavier with every passing second. The thing was, you knew all the things that were said about Higgs. But you also knew this side of him that was so unlike anything you’ve heard. The side where he actually saved your life, for that matter. Even if it was just a coincidence for him, it definitely meant much more for you. You owed him more than you could ever possibly repay and it made you so angry that you will probably never have a chance to even try and return the favor.

Trying to organize your thoughts somehow you didn’t even notice how close you were to your shelter already. Moving along a narrow path leading almost exactly to the entrance, you could’ve sworn you caught yourself mumbling. Stopping for a while to adjust your backpack, you were glad to see that the pathway was actually safe this time. Ever since the BRIDGES patrols started showing up, there were no MULE sightings whatsoever. You stretched, took a few sips of water and continued the walk, trying to calm down and think about work for once.

When you arrived at your shelter it was already getting dark, the evening breeze a little too cold for your liking. It was also pretty foggy, making the valley appear much more ominous than it actually was. You heard the familiar robotic voice informing you that you ID has been recognized and just as you were supposed to enter you heard another sound, one you have actually never heard before.

„WARNING. INTRUDER ALERT. WARNING. WARNING.”

You started looking around frantically, trying to subdue the panic starting to rise in your stomach. Nobody knew you lived there; nobody knew anyone lived there! If your location has been compromised, you would probably have to find a new place. Fuck this. Where was this damn intruder?

You looked around, noticing no change to the surroundings whatsoever. Only then did you notice something weird on the rocks just north of the entrance, a dark smear of some sort. Approaching it carefully and looking more closely, you felt a shiver run down your spine.

It was blood. Fresh blood.

And there was a lot of it.

Too scared to move, you followed the bloody trail with your eyes first. It didn’t start by the rocks, it started much earlier. The problem was that is led directly to the entrance of your shelter. And over there…

You couldn’t believe your own eyes.

There was someone laying there in a pool of blood, wearing heavy boots, a weird cape, cargo pants and… oh my God.

It was Higgs.

Throwing caution to the wind, you were by his side in seconds. Checking for his pulse, you felt incredibly relieved when you found out he wasn’t dead, just very weak. You turned him carefully to see what injuries would cause such massive blood loss, finding three deep cuts on his stomach and leg. It was then that he opened his eyes, face extremely pale, and smiled at you weekly.

„I’m sorry,” you heard him say, his voice barely above a whisper. „I… didn’t know where else to go. But it might have been a bad idea… if I die… I didn’t…”

„Shut up,” you said, feeling tears welling up in your eyes for no apparent reason. „Shut up. Don’t talk. You lost a lot of blood.”

Trying very hard to keep pressure on the wounds, you managed to help him up and then inside, placing him on the bed and removing his clothes immediately. The cuts were bad but it was not the only thing you noticed. There were also bruises and burns all over his body, all of them relatively fresh. You also realized that the fingers in his right hand were broken and that his fingernails were gone. Not really wanting to think about it too much right then, you felt the adrenaline kick in immediately. You needed to help him and you needed to be fast.

You didn’t have a lot of medical experience, but what you did have should be enough. You managed to clean and sew the two deepest cuts, making sure he won’t be losing any more blood. He needed a transfusion though and there was no way he would have been able to tell you what blood type he had. Taking a small sample and waiting for the results you cleaned some of the burns, two of them obviously chemical, covering the wounds with special dressings that were supposed to speed up the healing process. Focusing on his hand, or rather what was left of it, you noticed something else. A few thin, long lines across his wrists, obviously old and well-healed. You ran your fingers along them, noticing how much blood you had on your hands.

„D-don’t,” you heard Higgs say through gritted teeth, „Don’t let d-daddy see, he’s going to hurt me, p-please don’t let him see-”

He was obviously delirious, mumbling under his breath, but the words hit you like a freight train. You realized then that you had absolutely no idea who the man on your bed was and what he has been through. You knew what he did, but you had no idea why he did it. And you were more and more curious with each passing second, so many contradictory facts only messing with your head more.

Now was not the time to think about it though. The blood test was done and you immediately used your terminal to fabricate three blood bags, making sure it was offline for the duration of the process so that nobody could notice you using it for a blood type that wasn’t your own. Hooking Higgs up to the first one, you turned your attention to his hand. Every single finger was broken and apparently his fingernails were torn. Was he tortured? What the hell happened to him?

Cleaning his fingers you realized there would be no way for you to fix them with your medical expertise. Taking a 3D scanner from your study you quickly scanned his left hand, mirrored the image and quickly designed a special two-part cast that would push his bones in place when snapped together. It took ten minutes for your chiral printer to fabricate the design; unfortunately attaching it to Higgs’ hand obviously caused him a lot of pain as he screamed so loud you swore it almost ruptured your eardrums.

„I’m sorry,” you said, placing a hand on his forehead and noticing he was burning up. „It’s okay now. I’m so sorry. I’ll give you something for the pain and some antibiotics soon. Just stay with me, okay?”

„Okay,” he said weekly, looking straight into your eyes. „O… kay.”

There were tears running down the sides of his face. You used your thumbs to wipe them away, suddenly feeling this weird sensation in your throat. Compassion? Hurt? You had no idea. The only thing you did know was that you couldn’t bear the pain so obvious in his gaze, burning through you with intensity you have never experienced before.

You were not going to let him die.

You prepared an IV that was supposed to help him both with the pain and the fever, carefully tapping into one of his veins. When you were done you went through his entire body, checking for additional injuries, luckily not finding anything life-threatening. You could tell some of his ribs were broken though. Unfortunately you didn’t have any equipment to perform a scan, so you quickly placed an order for the Doctor to send you one. And then, four hours later, you were done.

Exhausted and covered in blood, but fucking done.

You sat down on the bed next to Higgs, not even trying to stop the tears from falling anymore. It could have been the chiral allergy for all you knew, or the exhaustion. Or the overflowing feelings you didn’t know how to deal with. You used the back of your hands to wipe the dears away, only realizing that you just smeared blood on your entire face.  Perfect. Just what you needed.

You moved a little closer to Higgs, taking a damp cloth and wiping the blood and sweat from his face. He still looked distressed, but at least he wasn’t that pale anymore.

„Y-you need to run,” he said, obviously still delirious, now probably even more due to the meds you had him on. „You need to go. If he finds you… h-he’s going to hurt you too…”

„It’s fine,” you said, pressing your hand to his forehead again. „Nobody’s here but us. You’re safe here. I got you.”

„N-no, you don’t understand,” it made your chest hurt seeing him in such distress. „We’re not allowed… to go outside, he will… kill me this time, he-”

„Nobody’s going to kill you, Higgs. You’re fine. You just need to rest.”

„B-but he will. He will, you have to make sure to hide the bruises… he hates them…”

You had no idea what he was talking about, but it did strange things to you. It made you feel sorry for him. You knew you shouldn’t have felt that way, but you couldn’t have helped it.

So you stood up and left the bedroom, deciding to take a shower and collect your thoughts.

It was going to be a long night.

***

You woke up because of the pain in your neck, trying to move your head to switch to a more comfortable position. It was only then that you realized you were actually sitting down on a chair, arms folded on the bed and your head resting on top of them. Great. As if the soreness wasn’t enough. Why were you here anyway?

The events of the night started coming back to you slowly just as you looked up to see Higgs laying on your bed, blood everywhere, discarded towels and fragments of clothing on the floor. You sighed. It was a hell of a battle. Probably the toughest you ever had to face.

Getting up and taking a better look at him, you were glad to see that he was no longer so pale and that even though his face was still covered with blood and dirt he actually looked peaceful. There was no additional swelling in his hand either. You sighed with relief as a temperature scan revealed that his fever was also going down. No longer running on adrenaline, you felt your stomach do a flip, reminding you that it was high time you ate something. You decided to leave Higgs in peace and went into the kitchen to grab some fruit.

You were tempted to call Heartman then, to talk to him and ask him for advice, but you didn’t want to put this kind of responsibility on him. He’s already done more than enough by keeping your little secret. You also noticed that the urgent order you placed with the Doctor has already arrived at your delivery terminal. Retrieving the package and using the scanner on Higgs immediately you were relieved to see that only two of his ribs were broken and than no organs were damaged. You allowed yourself a deep sigh of relief as you sat down on the bed.

Higgs was asleep. No longer unconscious, but asleep. The meds really did help his pain. His lips were slightly parted, blowing soft puffs of air with every rise and fall of his chest. Without thinking much, you reached out and nuzzled his cheek with the knuckles of your right hand. As soon as you realized what you were doing though you stood up, angry at yourself. You shouldn’t be touching him. You shouldn’t even be close to him before you get to know what’s going on.

You went into the bathroom to retrieve a cloth and a bowl of warm water, coming back to the bed to wash Higgs a little more thoroughly. It was strange to still remember so vividly how he did the exact same thing for you not so long ago. The only difference was that he was in a much worse shape.

When you were done with the washing you gathered the bloody towels, brought back a new pillow and covered Higgs with an additional blanket. Seeing as there was not much more you could have done, you decided to get back to work and just let him rest.

Except there was no way for you to focus right now. Every single time you tried to go back to your research you would find your mind wandering, thinking about the man in your bedroom and about what he said during the night. He was obviously talking about a very specific person that he was sure was going to hurt him. At the beginning he mentioned daddy. Was he really that afraid of his father or was it something he was just remembering? And if it was just memories, why now?

So many questions and not a single answer. You groaned, burying your face in your hands, massaging your forehead. You had no idea what to do. For the first time in your life. It felt like something was happening that was entirely out of control and you hated this type of situations. The worst thing was that you felt like you couldn’t really talk to anyone about it or even ask someone for support. How were you supposed to take care of man who has nearly died? You did have some medical knowledge, yes, but definitely not to that extent. So you decided to just browse through the chiral network to try and find some useful information. Writing down notes and going through some documents from the Doctor, you ultimately didn’t realize how much time has passed when you were done.

You went back to the bedroom to check on Higgs. He was still asleep, looking a lot more comfortable than earlier. You replaced his IV, checked his temperature and sat on the bed again.

Looking at his peaceful expression made you feel uncomfortable. You couldn’t really pinpoint the reason why. You heard so many awful things about this man and yet here he was, looking so… human. You figured Heartman’s theory might have been correct. If he let anyone do this to him, he must’ve been unable to fight back. Maybe he really did lose his powers.

You noticed him stir, murmuring something under his breath. When his eyes opened and he focused his gaze on you, you instinctively tried reassuring him with a smile. He looked so lost and confused that for a while you thought he might not even know where he was.

„Wh…,” he tried to speak, but you hushed him by placing your hand on his cheek.

„Don’t talk,” you said, surprised with the hoarseness of your own voice. „You’re safe. And you’re going to be okay. Just take it easy.”

He blinked a few times, looking around the room. Apparently it was all coming back to him now that he was awake.

„I, uh…”

„You’re in my bedroom, Higgs. I took care of your wounds, so you can say that we’re square now. Do you want something to drink?”

That was when he realized your hand was still on his cheek. He leaned into it gently, closing his eyes and nodding.

„Y… yes.”

„I’ll be right back.”

He must have been both hungry and thirsty at the same time, so you figured water might not be the best choice. Instead you warmed up some almond milk to make sure it would be good for his stomach and at least a little nutritious. You brought a mug back to the bedroom and helped him up a little, adjusting a metal straw just so he could drink comfortably. He drank greedily but you took it as a good sign. Obviously his stomach was able to take it too.

„Thank you,” he said when he was done as you placed the mug on a table behind you. „I… I probably would’ve been dead now if it wasn’t for you.”

„It’s possible,” you said, wiping his mouth with your sleeve. „I’d say you were pretty close. Can you tell me what happened? Who did this to you?”

Higgs sighed, obviously trying to collect his thoughts.

„The MULEs,” he said after a while. „I think they heard that I could no longer use my powers to the extent that I would have liked and decided to, well… set some things straight. Let’s just say that it wasn’t the most pleasant encounter in my life.”

He snorted with something that was probably supposed to be a laugh but went into a coughing fit seconds later. You held him up, placing one hand on the back of his head.

„Believe it or not, but I could tell. How did you manage to escape?”

„Coincidence. A porter was driving through the area and those idiots left me alone to try and get him. So i used the very last ounce of power I still had in me to teleport away from there. Unfortunately, it made me too weak to even be able to walk, but I managed to crawl my way to safety. And then I got here. I figured… if anyone…”

You were waiting for him to finish the sentence, but he never did. So you brought some more warm almond milk from the kitchen and sat next to him again, allowing him to drink at his own pace.

„You figured I would help you,” you said, holding the mug close to his face. „And you were right.”

„I guess I was.”

Silence fell between the two of you, interrupted only by the sound of him swallowing mouthfuls of liquid from the mug.

„So is it true? Did you really lose your powers?”

When he was done drinking he laid back on the bed and sighed.

„It is and then it isn’t. I mean, you see the state I’m in. But on the other hand, I didn’t lose the power itself. I was just cut from the source.”

So Heartman was right, you thought.

„The source being Amelie?”

„Precisely. That pretentious bitch used me and then just threw me away when she no longer needed me. I guess I deserved it though. I wasn’t exactly the kindest person, you know.”

„So it was her pulling all the strings? Fording you to do these things?”

„You can say that,” he sighed again, this time deeper. „She was smart about choosing her minions. I guess that’s what happens when you give unlimited power to someone who’s never had any his entire life.”

So that’s what it was about? Trying to make up for helplessness and the inability to control your own life? You didn’t want to jump to any conclusions yet, but it did seem awfully possible. Especially knowing about Amelie’s role in all of this.

„Alright,” you said, desperate for some answers but not really wanting to exhaust the man any further. „Let me see if your fever has gone down.”

You reached out with your hand to place it on his forehead and something unexpected happened. He flinched. Flinched and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to move away from you. It was just two seconds altogether, but even though you were puzzled at first it ultimately made so much sense. Especially in connection to what he has been saying.

„I’m not going to hurt you,” you said, trying to sound calm. „I just want to touch your forehead. Can I do that?”

Obviously surprised with his own reaction he nodded, eyes wide open and fixated on you. You tried not to think about it too much even though your thoughts were racing.

You only noticed how tense he was when you finally placed the hand on his forehead and felt his body relax under your touch.

„Sorry,” he whispered, flashing you a toothy grin. „Old habits die hard, I guess.”

You didn’t want to know. You didn’t want to ask.

But the pain in your chest was not getting any better.

You eventually did place the hand on his forehead and noticed with relief that he no longer had a fever. Still, what happened shook you up a little and you decided to just leave him alone for a while. You sat down in your study and noticed a message from Heartman with a few files attached.

I just got this from Sam, it said. I think you should see this.

Attached were twenty six parts of what you immediately recognized to be Higgs’ journal.

***

You spent the next few days basically walking on eggshells. You had no idea how to confront Higgs about what you read, especially remembering how angry he got when you read that single entry over a month ago. On the other hand, you couldn’t pretend that you didn’t know. You were such a bad liar. So you kept telling yourself that you were just going to wait for the right moment.

Luckily Higgs was feeling better with every passing day. After a little more than a week he was able to get up from the bed and walk around the shelter on his own. You were also able to remove the stitches from the wounds you sutured and to adjust the cast for better healing of his bones. He was also finally able to eat solid food, eagerly waiting for every single dish you would whip up for him.

One day you decided to make something sweet and maybe get him to talk a little more. You baked a simple cheesecake and brought it into the living room where Higgs was laying on the couch. He sent a puzzled look your way, eyeing the tray you were carrying with curiosity.

„Why does this smell so nice?” He asked, sitting up immediately.

„It’s a cake. They always smell nice.”

„A cake?!”

The excitement in his voice both surprised and amused you. You set the tray down on the table and watched him devour the cheesecake piece by piece. You had to snatch a piece for yourself to even be able to try it at all.

When he was finally done you saw him relax back into the couch, blissful expression on his face as he wiped his mouth with the back of his left hand. You sat back too, figuring it might indeed be a good moment to start a conversation.

„So Higgs,” you started, eyeing his face carefully for any signs of discomfort. „What wre you going to do now?”

He sat up a little, making sure to keep eye contact.

„I have no idea, darling. Honestly, I’m surprised I’m still alive. So many people out to get me and it was the MULEs who did it first? I’m pretty sure BRIDGES is going to hunt me down as soon as I step out of this shelter, especially since my powers are, well, useless. And it’s not like I can just stay here forever, no matter how charming you find me, right?”

You sighed. It wasn’t going to be easy.

„If you could go anywhere and do anything, what would you do?”

You noticed a shift in his attitude. He couldn’t deflect all your questions with his weird sense of humor.

„Well, I would probably go somewhere far away, maybe even beyond the mountains, and just stay there until the rest of my days. In fact, I was trying to do just that before the MULEs stopped me. I’ve learned my lesson, you know.”

„What lesson?”

„Wherever I go, destruction follows, even if I don’t really want it to happen. You know it well enough, sweetheart. And I would hate it if anything happened to you.”

„Me? Why is that?”

„You’re probably the only person ever who was nice to me. Hell, you saved my life. Although maybe it would be better if I was gone, you know. I don’t really want to die, no, but I figured just leaving would do the trick. Only it’s not going to be as easy as I initially thought.”

You felt a sting in your heart at these words. And then you remembered what you read in the journals. He never really had anyone. Or anything, for that matter.

„Why did you do it?”

„Did what?”

„All those things to all those people. You know, with nukes and Homo Demens at your disposal.”

He sighed. It was a heavy sigh, one that you could almost feel the weight of in your own chest.

„I thought it would be the only way for me to have something, you know. I had all these followers, I had this power. I never felt so… alive. And Amelie, this fucking bitch, she knew exactly what buttons to press. She promised me so many things and I fell for it like a kid who just got offered candy. She promised I would be important, respected. Feared. And I was, but so what? It didn’t matter, it didn’t matter at all.”

You moved a little closer to him, trying to make sure that he could look you right in the eyes when you started talking.

„I understand you did things you’re not proud of,” you said, making sure to choose words carefully. „But it’s not too late, you know.”

„Yeah right. Try telling that to BRIDGES.”

„I just might. But I need to know what your plans are. It seems to me like you didn’t really want to do any of these things.”

„Of course I didn’t!” you could clearly hear anger in his voice. „I just… I thought it might be the only way for me to have something. To have her, I don’t know, someone who cared. That if I did what she said I might feel welcome. Or wanted. I know it was stupid, but there’s only so much one can take, right?!”

You did not expect those words to fall from his lips, but they hit you right when it hurt most. The constant need to be appreciated. To be praised by someone. To feel needed. You knew this feeling all too well, but you had people around you who were always eager to give you so much of it.

Judging from his words, he never had any in his entire life. No wonder he turned out to be so broken.

„I know, Higgs. I know,” you said, trying to make your voice sound as calm as possible. „I know exactly what you mean. It just seemed to me that you picked fear instead of respect out of worry that there was no other way.”

„Because there wasn’t. My own family hated me. My own father, well, uncle, do you know what he did to me? He kept me locked in a shelter for as long as I can remember, beating me up every single time I wanted to even take a look outside. He would beat me so badly that I could barely walk. How could there have been any other way?”

„I’m very sorry to hear that. It sounds terrible, and…”

„It was terrible. But then he died and I was finally able to leave the shelter, and you know what? I was happy. I was a porter, you know? And I loved this job. Except people were still afraid of me, high DOOMs levels and shit. So I figured, why change that? Why work my ass of to prove something they wouldn’t believe anyway? I should just find a way to be more powerful. But if you base everything you are on power, what do you have left when it’s gone? Nothing. You’re suddenly left with nothing, no fear, no respect. Nobody would even care if you’re gone. Just like I never cared about my father. Just like I felt relieved when he died, everybody else would if I did.”

„That’s not true.”

„What can you know? You sit here in your fancy shelter, do your fancy work with your fancy friends. I bet you’ll all be drinking tea soon, talking about stupid Higgs who finally got what he deserved, and…”

You felt anger rising within you this time.

„Shut up! You know nothing about my life. And I care about you, okay? That’s why I brought you in. I could’ve just left you outside to die and then take you to an incinerator, but I didn’t. Not because I owed you one, but because I cared, okay?! Because I don’t believe you’re as shit as you want everyone to believe! I figured you had more in you. And I’m pretty sure I was correct.”

He opened his eyes wide, looking at you with disbelief.

„You… what?!”

„I know a broken man when I see one. And yes, you are a little shit, but it’s no wonder considering what kind of childhood you had. So maybe try and be nice for once.”

„I’m always nice!”

„Oh, come on. I knew you weren’t the monster everyone’s picturing you to be. You saved me from the MULEs, for fucks’ sake. You could’ve left me there and just taken my cufflink to navigate you here, but you didn’t. And you fucking nursed me back to health. You may be an idiot, yes, an idiot with really bad manners. But I’m pretty sure you have it in you to be a little… I don’t know, more likable?”

Higgs shrugged, obviously uncomfortable, but that was good. At least he was listening.

„I’m not heartless, you know?” He said, sending an accusatory gaze your way. „I just… I learned to not depend on other people. With you… I may be an idiot like you said, but I really do believe that you care about me.”

You rolled your eyes. This fucking guy.

„Well, it’s about time you did. I was really trying to make it clear.”

Was he… was he smiling?

„You’re right. I’m sorry. I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me. Hell, nobody has ever done even half of what you did for me. But I… I don’t have anything to give you in return.”

„I didn’t do this to get something in return, Higgs.”

„Then why? Why did you help me?”

He surprised you with this question. You didn’t really know what to say because you didn’t really know the reason why yourself.

„I don’t know.”

„And you’re saying I’m the broken one.”

You reached for one of the pillows and threw it his way without even thinking about it. He chuckled and caught it with his left hand with no effort whatsoever.

„I just…” you said, still baffled. „I just didn’t want you to be alone.”

„I never wanted to be alone either. Look where it got me.”

You made up your mind then. Sitting up, you gestured with your hands, getting more comfortable on the couch.

„Come here,” you said, trying to encourage him.

„Where?”

„Here. I’m not going to hurt you. I want to hug you.”

He was obviously surprised with what you said, but moved forward nonetheless. Kneeling between your legs he slowly lowered his body into your welcoming embrace, wrapping his arms around your waist. He looked up at you then, head resting on your chest as you tangled one of your hands into his hair and placed the other on the small of his back. You could feel a shiver running down his spine, a shiver he was not even trying to hide.

He eased into you then, muscles suddenly relaxing and giving in to your touch. His left hand pressed softly into your back, pulling on the fabric of your shirt. You lowered your head and buried your face in his hair, nuzzling the skin there with your nose.

It felt good. It felt safe.

„So this is what it feels like,” he said softly, his voice bringing you back to reality.

„Depends,” you answered, smiling. „But yes, it’s usually very nice.”

He shifted a little, moving his head so that his face was resting in the crook of your neck. You felt his warm breath against your skin.

„I’ve never… been that close with anyone,” there was a strange tone to his voice; something you couldn’t really pinpoint. „It feels… strange.”

„We can stop if you’d like.”

„No. Please.”

The last sentence came out a little desperate, raspy, almost as if he was actually scared you would push him away. But you weren’t going to. This has already gone too far and you were not going to back away now.

You couldn’t shake the feeling that he needed you. And that you needed him, even if you couldn’t understand it yet.

So you brought him even closer, hand still in his hair, lips pressing against his ear.

„I’m here,” you said, voice barely above a whisper. „I’m here and I’ll take care of you.”

He moved then, moved his head to look you straight in the eyes. You almost felt you head spin from the intensity of his gaze. He placed his forehead against yours, nuzzling your nose with his.

„You will?”

„I promise.”

When he pressed his lips against yours you weren’t sure he knew exactly what he was doing, but you welcomed him, welcomed his gesture and welcomed his trust. Biting his lower lip you made him open his mouth, sliding your tongue against his. He moaned then, not even trying to hide it, letting you do whatever you please and pressing into you even more, shifting a little to get more comfortable. He reached out to bury his hand in your hair too, pulling you closer, resting his weight on you even more.

That’s when you noticed he was painfully hard.

„Higgs,” you whispered right into his mouth. „Take it easy, slow down-”

„No, please,” he was begging again, whispering right into your mouth. „Please don’t stop. You feel so good.”

As messy as your kisses were, you had to admit they did have a powerful effect on you too. You couldn’t remember when was the last time someone kissed you. But this? You wanted this, you wanted it more than anything in the world right now. You wanted him any way he would allow.

But today was about Higgs and his comfort. About making him feel good. After all, you did make a promise. Might start taking care of him now.

Not breaking the kiss, you reached down between your bodies to slide his pants down. He moaned into your mouth again, biting your lower lip, chasing every sound you were making with his tongue.

„Higgs-” you wanted to ask for permission, to warn him, but he didn’t even let you.

„Pleasepleaseplease don’t stop, oh please… oh fuck!”

Your hand slid behind the waistband of his pants and grabbed him hard, moving agonizingly slow from head to base. He was a mess in your hands, the words he was saying to longer intelligible.

„I’m here,” you whispered, biting his lower lip. „You’re safe here. I got you.”

He came hard then, your name on his lips followed by a string of yeses and ohs. You held him through it, not letting his lips go even for a second. The look on his face was so blissful, so sweet you felt another violent pull in your heart.

This time though it was an entirely different type of feeling.

He collapsed onto you, once again burying his face in the crook of your neck. You kissed the top of his head, removing your hand from where it was sandwiched between your bodies. You wiped it on one of the pillows, making a mental note to take care of it later. The only other thing you managed to do was reach for a blanket and pull it over the both of you, earning a content sigh from Higgs.

„That was… so good,” he said, voice still shaky, mumbling against your skin.

„Yes it was,” you smiled, nuzzling his hair with your nose. „We’re in this together, Higgs. We’ll find a way to get through this.”

„I don’t ever want anything bad to happen to you,” he said after a while. „As I said, I’m bad luck. Really bad luck. But I… I also don’t want to be away from you.”

„I understand. We’ll figure something out.”

„We will.”

„That’s what I just said.”

„I know, it’s just… it feels so good to say we and mean… me and you.”

You smiled again. He could be nice sometimes.

„Yes. Me and you.”

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

3, 8, 12, 18!

characters you would marry in an instant? I always find this a hard question to answer because I am so shippy-minded that I just want the characters to be with each other and for me to have nothing to do with it, but here are some characters I find to be PEAK MARRIAGE MATERIAL by my standards:

Henry Higgs from Selfie (THE PERFECT ROMANTIC HERO! I! am! so! mad! this show! got canceled!)

Will Cooper from Single Parents (THE OTHER PERFECT ROMANTIC HERO! I! am! so! mad! this show! got canceled! Hey wait. Does the universe hate perfect TV comedies with strong romcom elements?)

Ron Weasley, which I know is a weird answer because we only see him as a child in canon, but I was also pretty much the same age as him as the books were released, and technically, the dude was born in 1980, so! I’m standing by it! I feel like Ron Weasley was very formative for me re: the level of hilarious snark I demand from a life partner.

Catherine from Reign. Not a good idea, but I Love her, I would follow her to my ruin, and it would be swift.

Lord Castleroy from Reign, but not the s4 version that’s like “Greer, thanks for standing by me, I’m dumping you for a literal KAREN!”. We’re talking old school Castleroy only. PEPPERCORN STYLE.

Jonah from Superstore, MY NPR ENTHUSIAST SOULMATE

Inventor of modern chivalry, TED LASSO (but plz marry Rebecca instead, sir)

Ann Perkins. I just think she’s neat and also perfect!!!!

A Mr. Knightley who magically shifts between being the Jonny Lee Miller version and the Johnny Flynn version, just based on my mood that day.

Tara Maclay!!!!!

MARK DARCY, in original perfect Bridget Jones’s Diary condition. (The sequels really complicate things!)

Gwen from Merlin. I barely remember Gwen because I’ve all but blocked Merlin from my psyche, but I would trust her w/ my life and also she’s perfect.

OWEN FROM BLY MANOR. But then I would nobly trade myself for another Hannah, Hannah Grose, and they would finally get to go to Paris and live happily ever after.

Donna Noble, because I think it would be a fun life.

Patrick from Schitt’s Creek, because he reminds me a lot of my boyfriend and it tickles me. (I am basically David but with a really disappointing shirt collection.)

ANYONE PLAYED BY MY #1 CELEB CRUSH MARC EVAN JACKSON! Except maybe the horrible demon from The Good Place (was his name Shaun?), but who knows?????

do you prefer happy, bittersweet, or sad endings?

Answered here! Spoiler alert: HAPPY.

if you could change one ending to a book/show/game/etc, what would you change about it?

I am going to cheat and have two answers, because of course, but I feel like my approach here is different and therefore valid:

I would give Reign a proper series finale, rather than what they thought was a season finale with a series finale ending tacked on, because even though this show was ALL OVER THE PLACE, I think it always did a really good job with End of An Era episodes (3.05 and 3.15 in particular), so I would love to see what an actual series finale episode of Reign would be like. Probably everyone I love would be dead, but that’s okay!

For the Gilmore Girls revival, I would have Logan break things off with his fiancee and propose to Rory during the big ol’ Life and Death Brigade sequence, like I thought was happening when I first watched it (SIGH!), and then I’d have Rory’s pregnancy declaration to Lorelai at the end be a happy event rather than a The Scream Emoji one. And then my soul would know peace! My relationship with Gilmore Girls is very much in the vein of Taylor Swift’s song “Peace”, in that it is constantly singing to me, Would it be enough if I could never give you peace? and I’m like, “Sighhhhhh, yeah, I GUESS you’re forever my favorite television program of all time.”

characters you want to wrap in a blanket and tell them they’re going to be okay?

Answered here! But you know what? I will also throw in Judy and Jen from Dead to Me, because DANG! May they cuddle in the same blanket and get some gosh darn rest.