#or even online friend but barely talked but

[mothdruid]

Within the past 72 hours the TGM fandom got a fire put under it's ass, for lack of a better term/phrase. Even though I'm not as active in the fandom anymore, it did make me want to talk about a few things. This isn't the first time that I've had to make a post similar to this, usually speaking about reblogs and keeping your fanfic writers feeling wanted within the fandom spaces, but today I'm going to talk more about fandom etiquette and my experiences in fandom spaces. So, if you want to hear my opinion on fandom etiquette, how I learned fandom etiquette, and my thoughts about the doxing situation that has happened, keep on reading.

My Fandom Experience.

The first fandom that I was ever a part of was The Hunger Games fandom in the 8th grade (if you don't include my anime fandoms). I was 12-13 at the time. This was when I was first introduced to Tumblr and being involved within a fandom online. At the time I was super young, barely even knew who I was as a person, let alone in a fandom space. All I did was reblog little gifsets and fawn over Josh Hutcherson. I remember getting my first hate anon, even though I didn't do anything that would generate that to even happen. Even when I was 12-13, I couldn't understand why anyone would send a hate anon. That was when I found out a friend of mine found my Tumblr and actually secretly hated me, so she sent me hate anons. Still, before I knew it was her I didn't understand.

Fandoms were a formative part of my childhood. I think that main one that helped form me though was the Supernatural (yeah, I know, eye roll), Naruto, and The Hobbit fandoms. I had made friends on Tumblr and Instagram through these fandoms. During these times was when I had first started consuming fanfiction. Specifically, destiel and thilbo fanfiction. This is how I started to find the things in fanfiction that I loved, and the things that I hated. Instead of sending hate to the writers for their thoughts and stories that I didn't agree with, I would back out of the story or just scroll past. Not only that, I also started to use the filters on AO3 constantly, ensuring that I was only reading the fics that I knew I'd enjoy. Also, I was careful to read warnings and tags prior to reading the fic. Never once did I blame the writer for something that I knew I didn't like and accidentally read or read for see what it was about.

After high school was when I started getting into fanfiction writing. I've written for a lot of fandoms during this time. The IT movies, Total Drama, Haikyuu, Attack on Titan, Marvel, Bridgerton, Top Gun: Maverick, and currently ASOIAF. As a writer I've never gotten hate, thankfully, but I have had a lot of friends that have. It's sad to see so many people who take the time to write, whether it's enjoyable or not, receive hate. As writers we are simply expressing our creativity for the things that we love. Since posting fanfiction on tumblr, I have experienced a lot of people pestering for new updates and when the next fic is, and so have a lot of other writers on here. Even though people only know us as a little icon and username, fanfiction writers are people. We have lives outside of writing fanfiction. Everyone also isn't the same type writer. One person may easily write multiple fics every week, some of us take longer, and some of us are even just passion writers (me lol).

The TGM fandom has been one of the most negative fandom experiences I've ever seen/had. It is full of some of the meanest people/anons I've ever seen. From writers being attacked for fic ideas, people being sent hate for something that the anon has full control over, and people constantly expecting new stories to read on the daily. Yes, I do know that other fandoms have these issues, but it seems to be almost a weekly, hell, even daily thing within this fandom. A lot of the issues that I see happen in this fandom are from people who don't understand fandom etiquette.

Fandom Etiquette.

If you had noticed there was a few things I put in bold above. These are key things that I learned during my time that attribute to fandom etiquette. So without further a do, I'll list out some fandom etiquette rules that I follow all the time.

Don't send hate anons to people

Block/unfollow people you don't like

If you don't like an idea or fic, don't read it

Read through all warnings and tags that the writer provided

Use AO3 filters

Don't blame the writer/creator for reading things they created that you actively know you don't like

Writers/Creators aren't "content farms"

There are people behind these blogs/usernames, treat them like someone you'd see on the street

Writers/Creators are expressing love/passion for something, don't hate them for doing that

If you see something fandom related that you don't like, scroll past it or ignore it

YOU CURATE YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE (ESPECIALLY ON TUMBLR)

The Doxing Situation.

For those who are unaware but decided to read this anyways, recently there was a writer (Mama Mayhem) on here who got doxed from another writer in the fandom. Mayhem has since lost her job due to the doxing. This was apparently from her breaking HIPAA by posting a picture into a private groupchat/discord. This picture was posted almost a half year ago. Meaning that the person who reported/doxed Mayhem had known about this picture for months and only recently decided to do something about it.

I'll start by saying that I also work in healthcare, and know many other people here who do. I understand that a HIPAA violation is 100% an offense that gets you fired. I'm not excusing the HIPAA violation if one did occur.

Some people have brought up the idea that maybe the person that reported the picture, and doxed Mayhem, was doing it out of the goodness of their heart. Due to the timeline of it all, that doesn't seem likely. I had a previous coworker get fired for HIPAA violations and it took a total of a week from the initial report for her to be gone.

The biggest thing I want to convey is that TWO WRONGS CAN HAPPEN AT THE SAME TIME. Yes, if Mayhem violated HIPAA, it is wrong. But at the same time, the person held onto this information for months only to use it out of spite, pettiness, and cruelty, is wrong.

My Thoughts.

Due to Mayhem being doxed, a lot of people have decided to leave this platform, take indefinite hiatuses, stop writing, or move to AO3 exclusively., and I don't blame them. I'll be honest, I'm thinking about moving to AO3 exclusively now. AO3 feels a lot more rewarding in my experience. I already only post my fics for ships to AO3, so why not just post everything on AO3 (which I usually do).

I think a lot of people have forgot what it feels like to feel shame in something they say or do. When I say this, it's directed towards people who send hate or do other malicious things in fandom spaces. Fandoms were never this clique-ish and mean. I think it has to do with the pandemic, meaning that a lot of people who would have never joined a fandom did because they weren't allowed to do anything outside of their house. So, those mean girls that made fun of fandom girlies (g/n) previously, joined the fandoms and decided started bullying the people within them.

This situation is super shitty and people are now scared. It makes complete sense, especially after seeing someone, that many of you were close to, be doxed. A lot of people are scared of it happening to them now. I don't think this fandom will be the same after this situation, but who knows, maybe everyone will just forget and move on. Either way, I think I'll be taking a step back from the TGM fandom. I'll still be here, but until further notice, I won't be posting any TGM fanfiction. Maybe a gifset/picture here and there, but I don't think this is a fandom I feel comfortable writing for anymore.

If you've read all of this, thank you.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA/WIBTA to remain friends with people who agreed not to move out with me?

☘️💮🏡💸🏝️🎏🥪 < 4 me

For a while, I wanted to move out of my parents' home and rent a place with B and T. We're all in our early 20s.

To make a long story short: B and T were my roommates freshman year of college. We got off on the wrong foot but reconnected and apologized to each other junior year. From there, I got to know them a lot better and slowly regained my trust in them. We got to talking about moving out together around this time as well.

however, I notice some issues in our friendship. After graduation, I moved back with my parents while they both stayed in an apartment with B's older sister. Anytime I visit, I barely get to talk with T, who is usually in their room talking to online friends or doing homework (has 1 yr of school left). The last time I visited, I bought everyone food and T came out to thank me. Me and B wanted to play a board game with them, and T promised they would join in later that night. They never came out of their room, even when I left the next day. This is on top of the few texts I get from both of them ever since I moved back home. But to be fair, I was always aware of B being a dry texter, and I know T needs to focus on her education. We're all introverted ppl here, but I'd appreciate it if they talked to me a bit more, yknow?

Now the housing situation: B recently brought up a place we could rent and told me we'll sign up for the waitlist IF I am financially stable to move out this year. If not, then they might be able to move out again into a bigger place when I am ready in about a year/year in a half. I agreed and said I'd give them an answer by the next week.

Next week comes along, and I just lost my job. I text the group chat about my situation and they asked if I wouldn't be able to move, to which I said no, it wouldn't be happening this year, but next year I should be ready and let them know when I could move ahead of time. B then says that they actually have no idea when they'd be able to move again and make room for me, and T adds that after a few yrs they will move out to live with their partner. I don't remember this change of plans happening so quickly, but I just reply wishing them the best of luck in finding a new place without me. I talked to my best friend about this whole situation with them and he's suggesting I definitely need to rethink the friendship if they keep changing their minds and not communicating with me, even if I gave them a second chance to be their friend.

Next time I visit them in person, I'm going to be honest about the issues in our friendship and how I feel a little hurt about how quickly they changed plans/don't talk to me as much anymore. I hate confrontation, but I don't want this friendship to be ruined a 2nd time and continue bottling up my feelings.

[msdk-00]

i really don't understand how one can have a close friendship where the other person doesn't open up or be vulnerable at all

[derpinette]

girls being nice to me gets me higher than ecstasy ever could

[chrisbangs]

hello... (and bye ig 👋)

[ouchhq]

>:(

[toxifoxx]

🥴🥴🥴

[peppermintbutch]

argghh I really wish I had some kind of butch/femme community irl or at least knew a few people, I think maybe some of my feelings of displacement/feeling unsexy and weird and stifled come from not really having anything like that (even though I have a great beautiful trans community where I feel very at home)

[toastsnaffler]

parkour was fun btw even if my hands are ripped to shreds now..... also one of the community leaders (who I admittedly have a baby crush on.... any pronoun dykes unite!!!!!) said he'd get me a free pair of lesbian flag laces for my trainers by the next jam <3 😭😭

[merevide]

how it feels to be a lesbian fan in tlou spaces who’s not romantically obsessed with tlou2 ellie williams

[skunkes]

i hope this doesn't sound too weird but i've been wanting to reach out to people more and i consider you a friend in a "we've been mutuals for a long time" kinda way but i've always wanted to be like. actual friends. and i know you're someone who worries about making new friends, how they'll think about you, whether you'll say/do the right things etc. but i'm someone who truly Does Not Care about any of that and i'd love to talk to you. but i dunno how i'll come off anon after saying that lmao..

i dunno how to respond to dis! if we've been long time mutuals i most likely consider us somewhat buddys anyway! As much as i crave to befriend people I feel im not very good at doing so...best I can do is replying to a mutual's post like twice a year at random

I never hope to sound like idk, im some weird untouchable Beast when I say stuff like dis but im usually open to have small little chats with anyone, its just getting past the small little chats and deepening bonds thats an issue, bc I'm like, a very surface level person lol t_t ⬅️ goes back to lamenting not having many friends

[sunjoys]

going stir crazy bc half my friends are doing exams and other half are in different countries and then the sprinkling of friends that are in the country and on holidays like me are people im not close to enough to hang out individually with / im not involved in their groups enough to organise a group hangout. and im going nuts cause ive been on holidays for 3 weeks and i need to hang out with friends instead of staying home with parents. anyway i invited a friend to see an art show with me and they just cancelled and like what the fuck am i gonna do. go alone? insane suggestion. this art show is in my school i cant show up alone. um. and also i work all weekend so whenever my exam-friends are free is when im not ! yippee <333333.

[chappellrroan]

i will sob omg

[annarubys]

the thing is my default state is casgirlism but i have been known to experience severe bouts of samgirlism when i remember how the show barely addressed his cage trauma

[wetchickenbreast]

i’m just like schrödinger’s cat