#or i dont even kno how to describe it

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[hayscodings]

how do you think the actions from 3x06 affect lana? i dont rlly remember much but the best person to ask felt like you.

This is an excellent question. I started a google doc not too long ago to jot down my observations on every Svetlana scene and only got as far as her first three episodes, so I've given this some thought. I actually hadn't watched the scene in 3x06 since I first picked up the show, as I always skip it, but I needed to rewatch it in order to draw conclusions about how it affected Svet and, while I was doing so, I noticed some interesting things.

First, I think it's curious that all it took to get Svetlana to the Milkovich house was a call from Terry saying "It's Terry. Send the Russian." As far as we know, the girls at the spa did not make house calls. Which begs the question, why did Terry have the power to have her sent over with just five words?

Second, how exactly did Svetlana get to the Milkovich house? As far as we know, she never owned a car. She also couldn't have taken the L because she shows up without a purse. Is the spa walking distance or did someone drive her over? If so, who? Why would the people running the spa cater to Terry in this way?

Third, it is very odd to me that Svetlana shows up without anything on her person— no jacket, no purse, no wallet, nothing. She's not even wearing clothes with pockets where she could be carrying any personal belongings. Terry makes one quick phone call and there she is at his doorstep a few minutes later, heavily made-up in a short dress and very high heels. There's a metaphor to be made here about her not being her own person.

Which brings me to another point: Terry never calls Svetlana by her name. He frequents the spa enough to be able to summon Svetlana by just stating who he is over the phone, and he's been a client of Svetlana's before, yet he refers to her as "the Russian" on the phone and addresses her as "сука" (which means "bitch" in Russian) to her face. This could mean one of two things: (1) he either never bothered to learn her name; or (2) he knows her name but actively chooses not to call her by it. Both are equally dehumanizing in different ways.

Which leads me to wonder...what exactly was the dynamic between Svetlana and Terry like? We know he solicited her services (presumably) more than once, which suggests some sort of satisfaction with them, but we also know that he didn't believe that she was worth more than "a couple of bucks". As I mentioned before, he also never calls Svetlana by name, and at no point do we see him act particularly warmly towards her. Yet he specifically requests her when he calls the spa...why is that?

Perhaps the most interesting observation I made while rewatching this scene though, is that Svetlana never utters a word in it. Not to greet Terry at the door, not to ask him what she was called over for— nothing. There are no pleasantries exchanged between them. She doesn't so much as nod when he gives her his orders. This suggests that she knows how he works, knows that he doesn't consider her anything more than just some hand-whore, and I don't think it's a stretch to assume that she is probably scared of him. Everything about the way that Terry approaches the situation indicates that he does not view Svetlana as a person, but rather as a commodity— to use, to exploit, to rent as he pleases. And Svetlana acts accordingly.

From the moment she walks into that house she looks completely dead-eyed. The only time she looks anything other than 100% emotionally checked out is when she's looking between Ian and Mickey, taking stock of their injuries and piecing together the severity of the situation that she has just been dragged into. She knows Terry is responsible for what's happening, she can see that he has a gun, and she knows better than to protest or try and leave. The most accurate word I can think of to describe the way that she approaches the situation is: clinically. She looks completely detached.

Now, I know that deleted scenes aren't canon but I want to bring up the deleted scene where Ian goes to visit Svetlana at the spa for just a moment. In the scene, Svetlana tells Ian, "Your face looks familiar." She recognizes him enough to know that she's seen his face before, but she can't place why or from where. And while this might seem impossible given how horrifying that entire situation was, or even odd given that she clearly took note of Ian in that scene, it actually makes a lot of sense and clues us into how Svetlana coped with the situation: by suppressing it.

Back when the show was airing, Isidora said in an interview, "At the end up the day she is a victim of that event as well, and is traumatized in her own way." I think a lot of people assume that Svetlana wasn't affected by the situation because she never says or does anything to indicate that she was, but that's the thing— she never acknowledges it at all. Just like she tries not to acknowledge her father's abuse, doesn't stand up for herself when Kev refers to her having sex with Yvon as 'cheating' (he was threatening her— it wasn't consensual), and doesn't let is show that Kev and V pushing her around is actually getting to her until she finally reaches her breaking point and can no longer hold it in.

Svetlana copes by pretending that her trauma doesn't exist. She suppresses it, she ignores it, she compartmentalizes. And when someone brings it up, she either brushes it aside or attempts to downplay it. When Kev asks her if her father ever sexually abused her, she gets up and walks away. Then in a following scene she casually confirms that he did, as if it's no big deal.

She doesn't make a big deal of her trauma because she so badly needs it not be. Calling a spade a spade would mean actually having to face what she's been through, and she doesn't want to do that. It's easier for her to claim that her father "had good qualities too", and to respond to other people acknowledging the abuse that he subjected her to by correcting them on meaningless details ("it was three-hundred dollars", "it was potato sack"), than it is for her to confront the truth. Because deep down she knows that, if she does, she is not going to be okay. And she needs to be okay.

She needs to be okay because she is poor and she is undocumented and she has a child to take care of. She needs to be okay because she can't afford to not be. Because, if she's not, then where does she go from there? How does she manage to get up every morning? What happened in 3x06 was awful, but people need to keep in mind that that day was not so out of the ordinary for Svetlana. She was sold into sexual slavery when she was just ten years old, was being abused by her father before that, was married to an abusive man who used her for sex sometime during her teens, and probably dealt with her fair share of violent clients at the spa. She's been raped many times over.

It's hard to say, in so many words, how all of this has affected her, because, the truth is, I think there is precious little about Svetlana's personality, and everything that she does, that isn't a direct result of her trauma. Her hyper self-reliance, her inability to ask for help or lean on other people, the way that she grounds all of her decisions on practical bases forsaking any potential hurt feelings, the difficulty she has comprehending others peoples' emotional appeals, her need for security and some semblance of a functioning family, her willingness to forgive any wrong, the way that she accepts mistreatment from people she cares about, and, most notably, the way that she lives her life in survival mode even when she no longer has to. All of these things can be tied to her trauma.

It's easy to look at Svetlana, see how mature and responsible and put-together she is, and assume that she is okay. But, in actuality, all of the things that paint the picture of her being okay are indicators that she is very much not. It just so happens that the manner in which she chooses to cope presents itself in a way that makes her seem extremely high-functioning. But just because she isn't turning to a bottle to get through the day, or going on benders, doesn't mean that she isn't hurting. She is. And what's sad is that the fact that her suffering is so subtle and quiet actually works against her, because nobody ever sees her pain. They just assume that she's fine.

So if she's not asking for help or sympathy, and no one is offering her any, well...

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

i’ve noticed that you update language barrier pretty much everyday with very little time or days between every update. i was wondering how you update it so fast? do you already have most of the story finished but just adding some last minute touch ups and/or checking for grammar mistakes? or do you just do one chapter a day in a impressively short time? i’m curious since what i noticed writers tend to take some time updating their stories so it was just really new to see someone update theirs so frequently. 

I shit u not, at this point im a degenerate neet

I wake up at 1pm, have one meal until 1:30pm abd then sit in front of the computer until 2am in the morning, typing away, each chapter i try to go for 4000 words but never able to reach them most of the time, so usually its around 3500 plus

It all started with me breaking my leg 💔 before that i had a job and shit but now nyeeh i cant really do shit without breaking down crying how painful my leg is, so im doing this to cope and stuff

If u look closer theres a lot of leg and foot injury mentions recently, especially when it comes to Yandere Best Friend

I dont do touchups and grammar check, or even check for plotholes or continuity- i rely on my vague recollection of the previous part , then i publish my chapters hot out of the oven, right after add a bunch of tags, link my masterpost and previous posts , at that point my brain is fried thru n thru and thars why my author's note looks like it was written by someone on fucking molly

How i write is by checkpoints or specific sentences that I want to be added in the story- and in between each checkpoints i pump out filler chapters, these filler chapters can range anywhere from one chapter or 7 fuckin chapters

U kno that wordy translation about "she who is divine" bullcrap? That is A checkpoint, everything else past the Giant vs 2718 fight was just filler lol

Fun fact, part 11 where theres a lot of angst with 2718 is considered a filler chapter 2 me

As soon as i put out a post, i go straight back to my drafts and work on the next part

The reason why thers so many fillers is cause i try not to use timeskips all that much, the pacing between chapters are usually within a 30 hour timeframe (with the exception where reader fell into a comas cause i dont want to write the entire journey back, i thought it would be boring as hell to just describe 2718 put a foot in front of his other foot repeatedly)

The next major checkpoint is probably like lightyears away, i try to churn out as much as i can before the end of this month, where ill restart uni and wont have any time to update AT ALL, lest i fall into dormancy until i break my other leg

Language Barrier is just one long bullshit session lol

[alyszaen]

i dont kno why your acting likeyoure writing is good it actually sucks and you should stopwriting it sounds like you have problems and need help but writing isnot it foryou 💀

omg hi hun you are officially my first hater <3

here have a thank you <3

Your hate can't touch me, because I am very well aware of my skill. I take a lot of pride in some of my fics, actually. Yet I want this to be a learning experience for you.

If you are dyslexic this is likely not going to be of a lot of help and you can ignore this. I don't know enough about dyslexia to give tips on how to overcome it, if it's even something you can "overcome" per se?

But if you are just young or non-native, I decided to correct your ask for you. <3

"I don't know why you're acting like your writing is good. It actually sucks and you should stop writing. It sounds like you have problems and need help, but writing is not it for you. 💀"

For future reference: your describes a posession of some kind, "your writing" you're stands for you are, describing someones state of being, "you're acting"

[coyotevallie]

if i had a nickel for every time i asked you for headcanons about an autistic penumbra podcast character i’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice (ie: please talk about cecil being autistic thanks)

YES YES YES . THANK YOU FOR ENABLING ME REENTERING MY CECIL KANAGAWA ERA U WILL DEFINITELY NOT REGRET THIS (lies)

okay so right . before i get into my Personal hcs i feel like i should explain why he is literally so fucking autistic to the point that despite being a oneoff chara he to this day is one of my strongest supported autistic hcs . because i could go into like Depth and pick apart a bunch of tiny little details but literally if i just in very broad strokes describe him as "a guy with an extremely narrow interest that he zeroes in on and impulsively buys tons of things out of excitement for it and who is infantilized by his mother despite being a grown adult and whose 'best friend' in fact seems to deeply resent him a fact he is entirely clueless of because of his inability to read the very obvious social cues" and ull be MORE than convinced so why would i bother

speaking of which he has a special interest on ancient torture devices which is like two steps away from canon anyway <3 his show is one massive excuse to infodump on the subject . pov youre about to get your head chopped off and you just want to get it over with but unfortunately your would-be murderer is giddily explaining the history of the guillotine

i think hes like . he has this weird masking thing that he cant stop doing where he basically CONSTANTLY even when hes not on camera acts like hes acting like hes constantly flourishing and performing for a camera and an audience and shit . its part of why people tend to find him kind of obnoxious because hes CONSTANTLY doing his stage persona bc thats just how he masks and gets thru social interaction while still seeming charismatic and he doesnt really know how to switch it off totally

VERY VERY VERY stimmy he cant hold still hes CONSTANTLY moving especially when hes talking . usually this shows as him just pacing back and forth and flourishing in the air while he talks but when ehs VERY excited he flaps his hands a lot and claps his hands and giggles . he kicks his legs when hes sitting down a lot hes basically always swinging his legs bc he cant hold still but when he gets hyped up its VERY AGGRESSIVE . which is bad bc hes always wearing very thick boots

he like . he masks a lot to hide Social Awkwardness which hes pretty good at but hes very very bad at masking his emotions if hes uspet hes UPSET . especially with sensory issues if you ruffle his hair when hes not expecting it he gets VERY FLAILY and makes a lot of dismayed noises he cant really regulate his reactions to stuff at all . im crazy about cecil and junos weird half-friendship so i think he Knows cecils ways of reacting to stuff and like just out of habit he immediately course corrects whenever cecil makes one of his little agh argh rhghrhg noises that means hes overwhelmed and trying Very Badly to mask it . dont let anyone kno tho they cant know juno (ugh) Doesnt Want Cecil To Be Upset or whatever

he likes lots of pressur!!!!!! im weak for the idea of the cameramen just being silly little dogs when theyre not doing their work and shit so he likes just lying down and letting one of these MASSIVE fucking genetically engineered monster creatures just fwop on him so he has pressure . tbh

ok im going on forever i can talk about how autismcore he is for hours . but last hc i swear i swear . hes very much a sensory seeking autistic he cant handle Surprise sensations but he LOVES sensory input when hes the person thats Causing It To Occur. he always has SUPER BRGIH SPOTLIGHTS on even when ehs not filming because he likes the bright light he likes clothes that he can swish around for the sound and feel and look of it hes VERY VERY VERY physically clingy for the stim of physical affection juno steel cannot enter the kanagawa household without cecil hanging off his arm

hes my skrunkly skringlo my blorbo boytoy etc etc etc

[cutemeat]

you are so fucking correct for your interpretation of the orgy dream and reading it was not only cathartic and validating but also enlightening. the themes of dennis being the glue of the gang carry on throughout the entire show so this reading makes a lot of sense, not to mention charlie’s unavailability is a rly underrated part of his character when ppl talk abt him imo (or maybe i’m just an aro charlie truther </3). i love unreliable narrators and getting more insight into the other characters/relationships from a one-sided pov, and we rarely get such an explicitly isolated perspective. and not to rehash old topics, but i think you handle fucked up subjects (particularly the family aspect of this) really well. it’s hard to ignore bc of how intrinsic they are (for lack of a better word) to understand these characters, but it’s hard to talk abt when ppl don’t want to discuss those topics for actual analysis reasons. the way dennis reacted to dee showing up did not come off as a freudian slip at all to me, i enjoy your interpretation of his feelings of entanglement in the gang so much more. so thank you as always for sharing your thoughts, it’s a relief hearing abt these things in a way that feels respectful to the characters

Danny I'm SO glad you also feel the same way about charlie's unavailability!! it does feel like such a major aspect of his character that often goes overlooked, i don't think it's just a matter of u being an aro charlie truther cuz i rlly do see that super clearly in his writing! even if rcg dont kno what the term aro means or used it to describe charlie, i think that's basically what they were aiming for. he is written to be a pretty romance-averse character for sure!!

It doesn't seem like Charlie rlly has any desire to be in a long-term romantic relationship with anyone. But the thing is that doesn't mean he is not an interesting and substantial character cuz he cannot be paired up with anyone. N that's why he's worked best within Sunny's framework... over time ppl wind up annoyed w all the other characters cuz they have Foresaken the Formula of not making the show all about love n relationships-- which is one of the whole metaphors of s15 and esp in the finale!

Charlie seems to really enjoy the chase and the reward aspects (i.e. stalking the waitress, getting the idea in s6 from Dee to berate someone n break them down repeatedly so they sleep with you, eventually getting to do just that and then get her in bed after all that time before subsequently ghosting her when she wanted to get serious afterward) ... like he is really the only one who has successfully "D.E.N.N.I.S."d a woman lol... cuz he truly enjoys the 'conquest' more than the love. but he really doesn't like the commitment in the long-term. Even aside from DDL, he has shown this pattern of behavior long before that.

Like I said... I really don't think Charlie wants to be in a relationship with anyone. But also why would he?? He's never had an example in his life of how a committed romantic relationship in itself could be fulfilling. And the love he did have growing up from his mother was smothering, or he was made uncomfortable and violated by people like his Uncle Jack. He does not have a great track record with this shit seemingly until having met Mac?? And in the end.. Charlie n Mac become less compatible over time as adults than they were as kids, cuz as they grow up-- Mac has that desire to 'settle down' n have a romantic relationship with someone, whereas Charlie still doesn't n hates that Mac is seemingly "betraying" him by pursuing that kind of connection w someone instead of their constant n typical ways of scheming. It's just like where Frank was at when we met him in s2. (I sense Sunny taking the Gruesome Twosome in a direction where Charlie will reach a point like where Frank was at in s2 ep1 where he needed a change ... but instead of getting a sort of 'route to somewhat-redemption' like Frank, he gets one that takes him down a worse path) I mean, after a certain point you do begin to wonder why someone like Frank would enjoy Charlie's company in the first place lololol.. N that is made even more apparent as soon as Mac comes out, the way Charlie's demeanor towards him turns more and more sardonic. But again that's what makes it compelling in the first place, cuz it's actually pretty honest and accurate. It's a very realistic depiction considering this group of people they're working with.

I grew up around a side of my family that had a very similar type of dysfunctional dynamic that had this core of fear that revolved around trying to gain the approval of one person who was 'at the top of the pyramid' so to speak.. n how that could manifest on different levels so all this shit is super interesting to me n I'm rlly flattered that u thought my reading was a sound explanation for their behavior!!

Cuz sometimes it rlly does feel like all I'm doing is projecting rather than being able to just take from those experiences n use them as a point of reference to make some sense of this group of fictional assholes' behavior, so it's reassuring n honestly rlly rewarding anytime someone else gains something from my reading of the gang. <3

Like that evidence of Charlie being turned off by the thought of being engaged in a romantic relationship is so present so again I also don't understand how it constantly gets ignored?? Charlie gets extremely stressed out by dealing with other people's feelings and emotions, which is basically the foundation of relationships .. the ability to express those things and not feeling shut off or being shamed for doing that! So tbh it feels sort of disingenuous for me to pretend like Charlie would be this overly tender and caring lover or whatever lol. Cuz that doesn't mean he is not still an interesting and entertaining character?? Charlie doesn't need to be a viable love interest to be interesting.

I mean.. He created one of the most fan-beloved episodes of all time by being calculating n manipulative about a relationship. He wrote the entirety of The Nightman Cometh just so he could try to paint himself as this ultimate tragic figure with a traumatizing childhood who Waitress should just accept... Like yeah, yeah, he's a piece of shit but be with the poor guy anyway cuz 'oh look his life was just Really hard so can't you show him a little sympathy??' n had to put her in a situation where he thought she might just feel pressured enough into accepting his proposal in front of a huge crowd... Like... He is a piece of shit but that's what this show is about and it has created some of the most iconic episodes n storylines within it so that doesn't discredit Charlie as being a good character for this show LOL.

Cuz the other thing that I like is.. Charlie is not the "bad guy" for not having romantic feelings for anyone... He's the "bad guy" cuz he chooses to be an asshole repeatedly, but it has nothing to do w any of that low empathy/lack of desire to have romantic relationships. cuz Mac n Dennis are two very sensitive/emotional ppl at their cores and both are capable of having a romantic, loving relationship n yet that doesn't inherently make them better people. They are still huge assholes like Charlie is in their own ways, and end up deciding to just be bad people... Together. How romantic. LMAO...

and i lov how throughout the narrative, Dennis has consistently made a series of bad decisions that have only contributed to Charlie feeling worse and more alienated from people all bc Dennis can't stop projecting his own emotional experiences onto Charlie (tho tbh i'd say all of the gang does this... as they all are def more emotional than Charlie on a pretty consistent basis). Dennis refuses to see the world through Charlie's own individual pov which prevents him from being able to analyze Charlie's behavior in any meaningful or substantial way or in a way that could've maybe genuinely helped him in time. (i.e. just sending Charlie off with another rat stick to keep bashing rats in King of the Rats instead of trying to help Charlie in any way that stopped him from doing the type of labor that was clearly creating this very serious issue in Charlie's psyche n was making him become more n more detached emotionally all cuz the gang didn't wanna be the ones who do the Charlie Work..)

Like it's all a very simple theme at its core! But it's presented in very realistic ways even thru these very fucked up and over-the-top, satirical characters n thats so interestingggg

[donghuamuqing]

(from this) 🤯 + 🛒 + 🛠 + 🦅 + 🤩 bc i want to kno All of the Things Abt U And Ur Process <3

HELLO!! im gonna go in order bc idk how to do emojis on my computer :)

Whats a genre you struggle with as a writer? hm idk. I dont try to write outside of my comfort zone but i dont think id do horror very well. Action is also hard when ive tried to do it

What are some common things you incorporate into your fics? the feeling of devotion?? i really like the idea of all encompassing love that you feel so extremely and wholly so i like to make my characters head over ass in love all the time. I really like adding lots of eye contact to my fics because even if i dont like irl its a really good way of getting intense and really works to connect the characters beyond the body

What tools/programs/apps do you use to write? I use google docs! sometimes i run my stuff through grammarly but not very often.

Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants? I go either way bc ill usually write down some quick notes/a summary of everything i want to include and rawdog the actual writing process. Sometimes ill actually outline scene by scene but i dont usually have a fic planned out well enough to do that.

Who's your favorite character to write? hmmm i usually like to write from the perspective of my favorite characters love interest bc i like to describe my fav thru their eyes but other than that i dont have a defined favorite to write. In my last fandom i a different pov for almost every fic lol and in st i did all outsider pov on the byers soooo

[tricobicoart]

su half agate si au 3: amnesiac chaos trio mae aka i need a shorter name for the tf2 mae au that still emphasizes that she got amnesia

summary & ramblings between me & atlas under the cut!

Basically mae takes a big hit to her head & a little to her gem (which may or may not be related to Medic fiddling w it when they find her & stopping immediately when it starts to crack like "oopsie", haven't decided yet), loses all her memories past landing in the danvs universe & giving less shits/relapsing into depression self-destructive habits, is taken in by the mercenaries, and then is super suspicious when apollo & dan show up to rescue zer

ath: SHE GETS IT ALL BACK EVENTUALLY BUT NOT BEFORE WHEN THEY COME FIND HER & ARE AGGRESSIVE TOWARDS/OPPOSE THE MERCS SHE GETS SUSPICIOUS & AGGRESSIVE AND THEN SHE HAS A NIGHTMARE ABT THE TWO GROUPS HURTING/KILLING EACH OTHER PERMANENTLY & IS LIKE "WHY WAS THAT UPSETTING I DIDN'T EVEN KNO--HMMMMM"

atlas: EVIL!!! ABSOLUTELY DETESTABLE/LH YOU KNOW APOLLO FUCKS THE MERCS UP A FEW TIMES BEFORE THEY GIVE UP ON KILLING HIM AND MAE IS LIKE "STOP HURTING MY FRIENDS!!!" AND DAN IS LIKE "YEAH! STOP HURTING US!" "WHO TF ARE YOU TWO?? YOU'RE NOT MY FRIENDS, I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU!!"

ath: KJFSDGFKLJG YEAH EXACTLY!!!! LSDJGK MAE, WELL-VERSED IN STORY CLICHES AND HOW MANY OF THEM HAVE APPLIED TO HER LIFE(COUGH COUGH ENTIRE SU SERIES COUGH COUGH): NICE FUCKING BRAINWASHING TRY, PEOPLE WHO ARE CLEARLY MY ENEMIES JUST TRYING TO GET ME ON THEIR SIDE!!

and then later back at the base she's like "that scrungly guy was kinda cute tho" engineer: what adjective did you just use to describe him??????

atlas: JDSFHJKSDFGHJKHSDGJHSDGSDHFGSHJDFG apollo, leaning towards dan and whispering: should i tell her that i can actually control minds? JKHGDFJHGSDFJHGSDFHGFS ENGIE JUST "what in tarnation"

ath: JFJDSLKJGLKJH Dan: Don't see why not SPY JUST WALKING BY GOING "what horrid ""tumblr"" phrase did you spew at him this time"

atlas: SLAJKDHJUKASDFGJHDFGGHJDFGHGJDFGHSJDFGGHSDF Apollo, just boosting up his 'charm', walking towards Mae with a cocky grin: oh sweetheart, if i wanted to mind control you, i already would've done it. <3 KJHDSFKJHSDGFJHSGFDJFGSDJHDGF "i just said the scrungly guy was cute!!!" ".....which one is that supposed to be?"

ath: Mae, finger and thumb on her chin: As terrifying at that statement is, it is true. *grins rudely* You especially coulda done it when i was beating your ass earlier.

"bsdf--wha--THE SCRUNGLY ONE OBVIOUSLY!! WITH THE SCRUFF AND SCRUNGLE!!"

atlas: APOLLO JUST WHEEZING AND SPUTTERING BC GDI, HE LOVES THIS ASSHOLE/POS "OHHH, the short, irate one with bad facial hair?" "HES CUTE!! IN A SCRUNGLY WAYYYY!"

ath: SDL;GKHSGH YEAH AND HER GRIN'S LIKE. BARELY MENACING BC SHE'S CLEARLY SO PROUD OF HERSELF FOR THE ROAST/POS JSHGKLJSF LKMAOOOO MAE GETS HARASSED FOR AHVING MEDIOCRE TASTE/J/LH

atlas: APOLLO KNOWS HER TOO WELL!!!!!!!!/LH/HJ ADHKDDJKDDHJDF MAE POINTING AT A PICTURE OF AMBROSE: if my taste is bad, what does it make yours?

ath: YEAH!!!!

KDGJNJFGKFDSLJGKFG SPY JUST SPUTTERS

atlas: SPY CAUGHT IN 4K

So basically Mae gets taken in by the blu mercs, they become fond of each other, she graduates from on-base intern to in-battle backup to a scout(they nickname her Flanker or Midfielder to tell the two scouts apart), sometime along the way they meet Apollo & Dan, and then the events of the comics happen after the chaos trio gets separated again by some plot device or another. Also zhe definitely fuses with Scout at one or more points, and maybe some other mercs.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[videostak]

also realized sometime im really gonna have to get like every ryuichi sakamoto album T-T it sucks since they have differences between japanese pressings and international ones but i think ill prolly just hunt out the japanese pressings for the most part. but i was watching concert footage of the heartbeat tour on yt in the living room with dendy and was like fuuuuck its so good and i kno like practically none of it T-T still so embarrassed that i actually was lucky enough to see him live in 2019 and literally knew none of the songs except for merry christmas which was the encore. v embarrassing to only kno that song out of all of his like basic bitch moment ._. at that time i had only relaly known his ymo stuff and like his first two solo albums T-T like later laerned he did last emperor theme and pariolibre and bibo no azoria there but i had no idea how those sounded. for some reason i was like my manifesto was to go to concerts knowing as little as possible and not to like binge listen to all the albums in advance so that i dont get my hopes up expecting certain fav songs or somewhat. like so i could just enjoy the concert as is. but even tho i knew nothing it still really was and still is the mosst beautiful concert i ever went to tho i havent been to many. but like also this is b4 i was familiar with debussys work but like thats the vibe i would describe it w/ just like very beautiful quiet debussy moods it was really beautiful. kinda weird to think that i wasnt familair w/ debussy back then cause that is like the only way i can describe it now. buuut ya i need to find all his albums sometime. preferably chronologically.  at this point. the nect would be futurista and im hoping that shows up on ebay soon for cheap since that ones so great i have media bahn that i was lucky enough to find at my local record store for 5$ LOL and thats like the futurista sound live so like i already have a lil taste of that era so im hoping to find that album sooooon. but ill prolly play it by ear and get waht i can find conveniently. really wanna get his 90s stufff

[james-fun-in-the-sunderland]

pt 2 . still vicky. 31, 35, 40, 51, 67, 69. 🙄

NO need for all of these rolling eyes SMH... u didnt evven have to send these sirrrr

ANYWAY link back to the 69 ttrpg asks i GUESS

31. do they respond well to praise? how about criticism?

as said in the last ask he does respond well to praise however it all depends on WHO is praising and how OVERT and how OFTEN... praise him too much and he'll get MAD but praise him too little and he will also get mad, he doesnt respond well to criticism. if you criticise him too much he may actually completely hate ur ass, but thats if he thinks it isnt deserved and EVEN THEN he will still get annoyed like whatever man >:/

35. when did they feel loneliest?

i feel like this ones a LITTLE obvious but while his mom was in the hospital probably! his childhood home would be all empty he'd have no one to come home to and he would only come home after doing jobs and visiting her so he had no time for literally anyone or anything else, not that he really had the energy for anything else anyway, at least after she died he would go out and just talk to anyone off the street but while she was still alive it was just him and a dying woman while he pushed away anyone else bc he felt extremely vulnerable during this time too (he was also like. 25 so he was also just dealing w being a young adult and all the angst there so . he was NOT doing well)

40. if you had to remake this character right now, how would you change them?

GOOD QUESTION id probably make his hair different, change his backstory a lil and quite a few scars ! alot of stuff w him is either in active development or straightened out so id probably change more of the actually established stuff ... maybe give him a different clothing style, make him more outward with some traits like his musical ability... hmmm this is such an interesting q

51. what element of their backstory are you proudest of?

ALOT OF IT im always very proud of my lil characters backstories hehe... i try to make them all make sense for the person a character has developed into and i feel like vickys especially really reflects that, if i really had to choose one aspect it would be how death just follows him all throughout his backstory, people dying annd leaving him left and right making him really feel surrounded by it ya kno... not even just with the obvious stuff like ALOT of his childhood friends end up dying lmao its just fun themes ...

67. do they consider themselves to be special?

NO absolutely not, hes literally described himself as just another average joe DESPITE COMPLETELY NOT BEING ONE . this man cannot die and works for like 5 different mobs and yet hes like nah im just a normal single father man, idk why ur saying im so weird. he also just gets weirded out by the idea of someone finding him so special... ofc he really would love to be special in a way he can control, i suppose thats really it huh, he really loves control and if people find him special for his deathlessness or anything its like... ok but he doesnt CONTROL that... he can control his talents though so if someone found him special for that hed be like YEAH literally im so cool

69. what’s one secret they don’t want getting out?

the classic. lets go through the obvious ones, his deathlessness, even though its an open secret he really doesnt like people talking about it, his crime too of course but he doesnt even care that much about that either, like even less, his daughter even knows and has talked abt how he kills people for money so... his whole past is a secret even to his daughter bc hes just a private person... i suppose also the main one would be his real name (for people who dont know his real legal name isnt actully vicky love, its louis cox! ( louis pronounced louey bc hes french lol)) he started fully going by vicky when his mom died so he just doesnt like to be called louis bc it reminds him of his 'past life' ... hes got alot of secrets huh... these are really the only things he DOESNT want to get out tho, most other things hes private about he doesnt really care if people learn it

[astrxlis-archive]

Hello Fox (ღˇᴗˇ)｡o♡ I got so distracted before actually Writing This Down (accidentally scrolled through twitter and whatever stuff besides writing you the reply 😭) I'll reply first to the very very first message i sent you

YOUR JEWELRIES 😳 It is giving Mona⭐ Please attach some pictures when you found the time to do so! I wanna see those~ They aren't just jewelries to me in your description... they sound so fancy it is definitely Monacore! (I do relate with owing someone something too but i like gifts nonetheless as long as they dont make me in their debt ya kno... Paying for food seems wonderful, or maybe even paying for you when you're tight on money)

Thank you so much for the hug 🥰 it's alright, you know how wonky you can be living with mental health struggles? I'd be feeling happy at the moment, but maybe internally not at the same time ♪ Unfortunately, I stopped the meds (but also because my mom doesn't plan to go back anytime yet). I just don't think it's possible to live through drinking it daily or even get used to it since it's too bothersome 😅

Nahida is so radish looking there is no simpler way to describe her. If i could, i'd show her to a kid learning about vegetables. I'll call her the Radish Fairy (affectionately). I think I'm a menace for this ☺️.. I may not be able to purchase merch (f2p even irl), but I sure do hope they make Aranara plushies... they could profit off it so so much! (And give players joy) I wanna suggest to HYV to make a detachable mix-&-match wooden aranara dolls like in the game event~

I'm gonna cry... I wanna try to shorten messages and replies but alright this is the shortest i can go...😆 There's too much to talk about it's crazy 😭

I'm just a c0 kazuha haver^^ Well ya know tighnari will be in standard pool soon so... He might come when you lose your 50/50 (reversed!!) It's almost 2 yrs of me playing the game I still have no diluc 🤣 i'm rooting for tighnari to come home first when i lose 50/50 bye diluc

Ooh heizou! Yes, yes. I love his character! (Doesn't know his story) i love detectives and his design + voice is really perfect.. THE MOLES. He's too smooth and Thank you so much hyv for that ^0^ playstyle wise, it's really not my type, or maybe because after getting him i got a commission to fight the eye of storm (my team during that time includes kazuha, thoma, heizou, & zhongli(he carried with meteor). There is No archer or catalyst user) it was hell... 🤣😭 Happy to say that kazuha, heizou and thoma are friendship 10 now!

CYNO is too cool and good to be true, but i need to skip *cough*. It's more on the aesthetic for me 🥰 may you get him on his rerun!! Mwa mwa I'm still processing how he canonically jokes unfunny or cringe ones (to tighnari) but anyways people will still love him 🤣 it's good to be goofy when your position is serious

Tbh, the studyblr posts i've been seeing aren't really suitable for me and they're more like... good student kind of tips 🤣 idk, maybe i am really stubborn or dislike following things very much (Would read the rules but then do something that breaks it afterwards <- the kind of person i am. Insane) Thank you for your support Fox!! 😭🥰 (it's so weird to say this but..) i'm really grateful for you being with me through all these times! <33 you atleast, have lifted some emotional burdens from me at some times which i am thankful for! 🥰

— 🍰.

hewwooo 🍰!!

i understand the "doing something else instead of what i meant to do" thing 😂 also tumblr pls.

the small earring set really reminded me of mona 😭 the long one actually reminded me of kaeya, and as a kaeya simp, i had to buy them /j i actually waited a week to see if i really wanted them, and i was really happy when i went back to the store and they hadn't been sold~ the pics are up! just ignore the dust lol usually when i can i pay for my friends food hehe small actions of love :')

yeah, i understand that all too well tbh... i can't really comment on the med part because i agree and i'm also struggling with taking my own. they're not for everyone and that's alright. they weren't a good option for me for a long time. but please continue to take care of yourself, ok?

i'm sure the child would say she looks like a radish too pls 😭😭 i would buy the plushies if they sold them....... or at least i'd want to buy bc shipping + currency conversion would cost me a lot............. but dude!!! wooden mix and match aranara dolls!!! that'd be so cute 🥺

i really do hope he'll come home for both of us. if i get another keqing i'm going to cry. also i'd give you my diluc jf i could, but alas jfndjsns i think i somehow summoned him when i bought his skin...... 🙃

dude, how do you raise friendship so fast??? my kazuha is still level 7 and i'm struggling 🫥 but you're right, heizou really has a smooth voice, both in english and chinese. he's benched right now bc my team has only one rotational spot and kazuha's in it lol i can imagine your struggle... that's the downside of having two anemo characters AND the catalyst one is actually a physical one 🥲

there are some leaks that we'll actually get to play the card game cyno plays on 3.3 and i'm slightly excited. a game inside a game. gameception lol i hope we'll get to see tighnari and collei interact with him, especially collei. i don't remember if you mentioned it but is there anyone you'll be skipping him for?

oooohoho, so you're the rebellious type? /j hmm, i remember seeing posts like those too. feels weird when you're neurodivergent, doesn't it? it makes me really happy to read i was able to help you somehow 🥺 i hope i can continue to do so. 💕💕

[everyonewantstodie]

dnt kno how to describe this feeling

but so restless

and everyhting feels like theres no meaning to it

why am i even trying

whats the point of anything

fr the people i have in my life alwayss be the ones leaving or maybe i jst dont cherish the people i have rn

sometimes just think fuck it they all have their own lives and will leave me

then other times i think about it and it just feels so bad

probably why whenever someone ever give me any care or attention

i get scared because iknow it won’t last long and i wont be able to accept it because i’ve nvr had anyone that cared?

which sounds vry ehh

but some people would know what i mean?

in my mind everyone is selfish and ugly only because i want to protect myself from ever experiencing new things again?

i think

when u see someone genuinely happy because of u it’s like the warmest thing ever

and i’ll never be able to communicate that well with them

[moidse]

dreams

wow i just woke up from the most detailed dream that has emotionally effected me in a while.

I was working somewhere. it is hard to describe, there was a lot of computers, part of it was cave like and there was a fashion show,, and it was like we were temp living out there for the job.. anyways k*** was there and so was my hs crush b*** .... and i dont remember everything but there was this part where me k and b were all in bed together... k was trying to sleep on one side while me and b were having a heart to heart and she opened up to me.. i remember in the dream thinking how this is the most she was ever opened up to me... she was basically admitting that she likes me and has always liked me but she was too scared to do anything about it. i wish i remembered more details... i just remember it was bringing back a lot of feelings of when i first had a crush and just all that... and we were kissing... kind of a lot after having this deep conversation basically both admitting we have strong feelings for each other... we were kissing a lot and i wanted to do more..  i literally checked in with k twice to make sure it was okay... i was like is this okay or should we go to another room.. and they didnt want me to go to another room... i feel like cuz i would’ve banged ... and they said it was fine... even when i asked again... so we just made out there and it was such a rush of emotions. the whole rest of the dream i was floating on cloud 9 ... i remember i kept thinking to myself like wow, i can’t believe remaining a friend to this person and they finally do actually like me.. cuz ya kno i feel like thats a tv/movie trope almost and i was like wow it happened to me.... and i just kept feeling how special this moment was and i was like do i move temp and try being with them?? what do i do with my current relationship?? the rest of the dream i felt like this was a fairytale and then i was debating do i give this a go because im in a relationship... i remember at one point i was like holyshit i need to call saoirse and have them read tarot and help me decide. but by the end of the dream i knew i wanted to at least try to make it work. I just kept thinking this is someone i’ve had a crush on for so long... someone i go back to in the my head every now and then and think about and i always wished she liked me back and for this to happen i was like I can’t pass up this opportunity i would regret it a shitton.  so i decided i was going to explore more by the end of the dream. and by the end of the dream the job was over and we were all leaving the office space and me and k were leaving and i find b to say it was really nice talking to you and i invited her to hang with us tonight and i dont think she could but i invited basically like i wanna still be in contact and try to see you was what i was saying. (also in the dream it wasn’t even her anymore i knew it was her but why she look like my housemate kk? idk i think it was one of those things that dont make sense in your dream) idk this dream just felt so powerful. like it created such an emotional response from me.. as i was waking from it i thought to myself NOOO NOO i dont want this experience to be over :(. ..... I haven’t had a dream like this in a really long time.. like i honestly don’t remember.. 

and here is the kicker.. i was listening to chadvice before bed and there was some ppl who were asking about relationship advice that felt similar to my own thoughts and things and... i just was thinking non-stop before bed about wanting to feel more in a relationship.. just i dont feel butterflys emotionally or sexually and i haven’t in a really long time... i’ve had a wondering eye for a really long time... and just listening to their advice how im hurting the other person more and more the longer i take to say something.. its kinda like this rough pill i have to swallow.  ... and this dream was like reminding me of the emotions of having butterflys and being so swept away by someone... i miss all of those feelings and when i feel them for a moment i always feel very depressed afterwards because i know i dont feel that with k and its been so long since ive felt that and i feel so bad and depressed by it. 

i just got myself into a really bad situation because i depend on them so much since i moved here and i dont have support out here or even my own car so its hard for me to realistically think of an exit strategy. plus i will potentially lose them in my life, i will lose all of the friendships i’ve made so far here.. i will be very very alone here and without a car and i would have to find my own housing which is scary. 

I think i do resent them for taking so long to want to have sex with me... i lowkey bring it up a lot as a joke but thats because it does annoy me that it took like 8 months for them to want to have sex with me because i feel like i was holding out to see if we had this physical connection and i didnt feel it and they kept coaxing me to wait and they will be more comfortable and open to more soon ... and i just kept waiting and waiting ... and things have gotten better slowly.. very slowly ... and i just know deep down they can never be like as good as things have felt for me.. and part of it is this process.. i am annoyed that i have been doing this so long.. i want to feel confidently in love and fully attracted to someone... like i know this isn’t healthy but i also feel stuck and dependent on them. I also have a deep fear of being single so i get it. 

[arthurroseart]

i think i might have to make two animated films at once for my finals so i am going to fucking die but ones about mario party and the other is like. artsy so thats a weird shift huh

[wingedbeings]

my body thinksshes so funy