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wheresmynaya · 6 years

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Two Ghosts Ch. 9 | Brittana

Happy Brittanaversary! (A little early bcuz timezones are weird) Thanks for everyone’s patience and kind reviews once again. Ya’ll are awesome. Enjoy!

Twenty-five minutes fly by and before Santana knows it, she’s heading onto the field. Brittany and Quinn are already there talking while the squad warms up and Santana feels like she could actually pass out from all the anticipation. She genuinely has no idea how Brittany will react, but she knows she has to reconcile. At least, for the sake of the squad.

Brittany’s back is to her when she walks up but Santana puts on her brave face and takes a deep breath, “Hey Q. Hey Brittany.”

Quinn smiles in greeting as usual and says, “Hey Santana.”

Brittany remains icy, her eyes focused ahead of her as she says, “I thought you’d be in New York by now.”

Quinn’s brow arches in question at Brittany’s tone and she looks to Santana for an explanation, but Santana remains focused on Brittany.

“Can we talk after practice?” Santana asks, forgoing responding Brittany’s snarky comment and dodging Quinn’s inquisitive eye.

Brittany just crosses her arms and continues to give Santana the cold shoulder.

Both of Quinn’s brows arch in question this time.

Santana does her best to ignore Quinn as she fights the urge to roll her eyes at Brittany; she forgot how stubborn and petty Brittany could be when she’s angry but she knew getting Brittany to talk wasn’t going to be easy.

“You can’t ignore me forever..” Santana mutters.

This time Brittany turns to her and dark blue eyes narrow in her direction. Brittany’s glare has Santana wanting to run for the hills, but the slight redness of Brittany’s eyes stops her.

“Why not? Just so you can tell me about my life that you clearly know so much about?” Brittany asks, “I’ll pass. I have nothing more to say to you.”

Santana falters as her heart sinks, she deserved that, but she’s determined to make things okay. She rather have the awkwardness of before than the anger and hurt it has been replaced with.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Santana replies but it sounds more like a plea, “You can just listen and if you don’t like what I have to say, you can just leave.”

Quinn eyes them both curiously but she notices that some of the girls on the squad have taken an interest as well.

“Looks like you need something to do,” Quinn tells the squad and gives them a glare, “Wind sprints, go!” The girls quickly disperse, and Quinn turns back to Santana and Brittany, “I don’t know what you two have going on but you can’t bring it here. You can’t let it affect how you coach. These are teenagers, they love drama, so if you want them in your business feel free to continue but we’re adults and we can be professional. Ultimately, we have a job to do so sort your shit.”

Santana looks to Brittany expectantly, “Please?”

Brittany frowns slightly but nods before looking to Santana a little less angrily, “I’ll give you ten minutes after practice.”

Santana smiles weakly, “Thank you.”

“Whatever,” Brittany shrugs then turns back to watch the squad.

Two hours have never gone by so slowly for Santana, but by the end of practice the tension is so high that even the squad tiptoes around them. When Quinn dismisses the girls for the day, they’re all too eager to get the hell out of there. Even Quinn packs her things quickly and barely gives Santana and Brittany a second glance before she’s saying a quick goodbye and heading to her car. It’s eerily quiet as Santana and Brittany pack their duffle bags, their backs to each other’s.

At the sound of Brittany zipping her duffle closed, Santana stands and takes a deep breath, “Bleachers?”

Brittany stands too and nods.

They walk together in silence, the gap between them even bigger than normal, but they settle on the first step and dump their bags at their feet. Santana’s heart pounds wildly as she tries to find the words to start.

She peeks at Brittany who’s staring out in the distance, the setting sun turning everything golden, and tries to remind herself that Brittany used to be the easiest person she could talk to. Once upon a time she could tell Brittany anything so freely. Whatever Santana had on her mind, Brittany was there to listen always.

Although things are extremely different now, the memory is comforting and it gives Santana the courage to speak.

“So I just wanted to talk about yesterday,” Santana starts and she eyes Brittany curiously for a reaction. When Brittany barely blinks, Santana isn’t surprised. She just takes another steadying breath and continues, “I wanted to apologize for how I acted. I was hurt and overwhelmed and, I don’t know, I guess a little jealous?”

Santana pauses because it’s the first time she has admitted that last part and she takes another peek at Brittany but she remains unmoved, “I said a lot of things that were way out of line and I shouldn’t have lost it at you like I did. It’s just, being back here brings back all these feelings and memories that I thought couldn’t affect me anymore. I thought I had moved on and I was doing better, but I guess not.”

Santana glances to her side but Brittany continues to focus her eyes elsewhere. She closes her eyes as her shoulders droop, “I’m just really sorry, Brittany. I’m sorry for the things I said and how I’ve been acting lately. I guess I just don’t know how to be around you yet, but that’s no excuse. I know things aren’t great between us and they’re not how they used to be and I know we may never go back to being us but I don’t want to be the kind of exes that can’t stand each other. Despite how things have turned out, I still care about you and I do want what’s best.” Santana pauses again and realizes that tears have gathered at the corners of her eyes. She swallows hard and lowers her eyes to her fiddling hands, “I may suck at showing it, I know, but I really do want you to be happy, Brittany.” From the corner of her eye, she sees Brittany glance her way but she chooses to keep her eyes lowered, “And what I’ve realized from being back, is that I’ve missed you so much, I’ve missed having you in my life,” Santana admits and finds the courage to meet Brittany’s eyes this time. Blue eyes flickering back and forth, searching, but Santana just smiles softly, “I’ve missed my best friend.”

At that, Brittany’s lips part and her bottom lip trembles ever so slightly but she quickly looks back out at the horizon like she’s trying to hide. Brittany doesn’t say anything and Santana can’t really blame her, so they just sit silently together looking out at the setting sun. The longer Brittany stays quiet, the further Santana’s heart plummets. She didn’t think of the outcome of this conversation; she didn’t think of the possibility that Brittany really doesn’t want anything more to do with her.

Santana nods, sort of accepting that could be a possibility, and looks out at the horizon too, “Maybe I’m too late, maybe too much time has passed and whatever we had between us can’t be fixed, but I hope one day we can try again: to be friends. Even if that means being supportive of your relationship with Trou- I mean, Sam. I can totally do that. If he is what makes you happy, I won’t get in the way of that. I won’t make another comment about his abnormally large mouth or anything, because I’m an adult and I can be nice.”

That causes Brittany to look at Santana again, but this time she’s fighting a grin.

Santana looks back, perplexed, “What? I can. I can be nice.”

Brittany just shakes her head, her smile growing, “As much as I would’ve loved to see that, Sam and I aren’t dating.”

Santana’s eyes widen, “I’m sorry, what?”

“Yeah,” Brittany says, “That’s not a thing. Hasn’t been for years.”

“B-but you guys were-“ Santana stops herself as she tries to recall solid evidence, “At the funeral together?”

“I didn’t really want to go alone,” Brittany shrugs, “Funerals are weird. Everyone’s sad but we all sort of hated Sue at some point and now we all talk about how great she was, it’s just really weird.”

Santana’s brows furrow and she racks her brain for more proof, “He’s always around after practice? He waits for you..”

“He’s a part time personal trainer,” Brittany replies easily, “We work out together sometimes. I get a free gym membership, it’s pretty awesome. They can get so expensive.”

Santana lets out a sigh as she cradles her head in her hands, “I feel like such an asshole.”

“So you should.” Brittany smirks but it quickly fades to a frown, “You said a lot of hurtful things, Santana, things I never would’ve thought you’d say to me of all people.”

“I know,” Santana admits guiltily, “I was just so..” Santana pauses and closes her eyes to keep from crying, “It doesn’t matter, it’s no excuse.”

After a moment, Brittany purses her lips and says softly, “You didn’t even let me explain. You just attacked.”

If Santana wasn’t feeling guilty before, the feeling has worsened now. All she does is shake her head, “I’m so sorry, Brittany. I-I had no idea, I just..I thought-

“No, you didn’t think. You assumed.” Brittany clarifies but her tone isn’t filled with annoyance. She just speaks simply, “I shouldn’t have to explain my friendship with Sam though, that’s the worst part, you came up with this story in your head and you ran with it. I couldn’t even defend myself and what hurts the most is that you actually thought I’d settle for Sam.”

Santana looks up at Brittany but there isn’t anger in her eyes.

“He’s a great guy. He made me laugh at times when I didn’t think I could. He was there for me when things got hard and I love him for that.” Brittany explains and Santana tenses at the word love because she’s not ready for what Brittany has to say about him, “But I wasn’t in love with him. I figured that out early on and I knew it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to continue if I wasn’t fully invested in our relationship. I knew I wasn’t out of love yet but I knew I wasn’t ready to be in love with anyone else yet either. So we’ve just stayed friends over the years and that’s all.” Brittany pauses as she eyes Santana, trying to decipher her facial expression, but not even Santana knows how she feels about all this new information. She can’t believe how quickly she jumped to conclusions and she remembers how hurt Brittany looked yesterday and how she felt like she was about to go off on her but didn’t.

“Was that what you were going to say yesterday? Before you left?” Santana asks tentatively, “That you weren’t together?”

Brittany sighs and looks up to the sky as she nods, “I thought about telling you the truth, but I didn’t think it mattered anymore. You had your mind made up about me already so what was the point of explaining anything?”

All Santana manages to mutter is, “Oh.”

“I really wanted to tell you as soon as he and I broke up.” Brittany looks back to Santana, “That was two weeks after you left for New York.”

Santana just blinks, completely stunned, “Why didn’t you then?”

Brittany just looks down at her feet and shrugs.

Santana’s lips just part, but nothing comes out.

“If I would’ve told you, you would’ve turned around and come home.” Brittany explains and Santana finds herself tensing at the word home too. She hasn’t felt like she had a home in awhile, even Lima doesn’t feel like home anymore. “But I couldn’t do that. I wasn’t ready, I hadn’t even graduated, and I couldn’t hold you back from moving forward. We were at two different places in life and I couldn’t be the reason you had to stay. When I told you that you had to be somewhere as big and bright as you are, I meant it. I couldn’t turn around and say wait for me. It wouldn’t be right.”

“Brittany,” Santana mumbles in disbelief, “You should’ve told me..I-I could’ve, I don’t know, I could’ve done something. I could’ve helped.”

The corner of Brittany’s mouth quirks up in a grin but her eyes are show anything but happiness, “That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d drop everything for me and I couldn’t let you do that. I had to do this on my own. I had to learn how to be without you just like you had to learn how to be without me.”

Santana’s heart plummets again and a lump forms in her throat, “That wasn’t your decision to make.”

Brittany nods solemnly, “I know and I’m sorry for that, but I did and I can’t take that back now. I know you think that everything’s your fault and you have this urge to fix things, but this isn’t all on you, Santana. It’s on me too, I am also to blame.”

Santana just bites her bottom lip to will herself not to cry.

“I’d try to call but I never knew what to say so I never went through with it.” Brittany adds, “I didn’t want to be a reminder for you of this place. I didn’t want you to feel guilty or pity me, I didn’t want you to worry. You were finding your way already and I was still stuck at the starting line and I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me. But I told myself if you would’ve ever called, I’d take that as a sign that you’d still want me around and I’d answer. I knew that was silly though so I just kept telling myself I’d call you when I was ready instead, but..” Brittany pauses as her eyes well, “As you can see, I’m still stuck here so..”

Santana’s lips part but she doesn’t know what to say. She hates this side of Brittany because it seems so out of place; sometimes she forgets that Brittany can be just as small and insecure. But she can’t help but feel guilty for leaving Brittany alone in all this, even though Brittany says she shouldn’t. She’s always been Brittany’s protector, she has always looked out for her growing up, so maybe Brittany’s right. Santana had to go so Brittany could learn to be her own protector?

“I just studied hard so I could graduate and I worked on myself so that maybe I could catch up to you, and I tried to make it out of here but,” Brittany pauses again as her voice cracks. Santana wonders if she’s talking about her time at MIT since she’s yet to hear about it from Brittany herself. “It was hard. We both let too much time pass. I let too much time pass and now we’re here, just two strangers..ghosts.”

Santana heart aches for Brittany because she can hear the pain and she can’t imagine what it was like for Brittany to push through alone. She has missed so much and she wonders if she’ll ever catch up on those years, but she also decides Brittany is worth the wait. It’s sort of eye opening to know what Brittany has thought this whole time and how she’s been hurting just as much and all of this could’ve totally been avoided if either of them would’ve just picked up the phone. In a way, they both cared so deeply for each other, trying to make the right decisions for one another, that it all backfired and they ended up doing more harm than good.

They sit silently, both focused on how the sun hides behind the tree line. Brittany remains quiet and Santana just processes everything Brittany has said and she wonders how they ended up like this: two strangers sitting on a bench filled with regret and guilt.

“I can’t change the past, but I hope you know how sorry I am.” Santana says finally.

Brittany just sniffles and nods, “I do and I’m sorry too. I hate that we’re like this, like we don’t know how to be around each other. It sucks.”

Santana chuckles a little, “It does.” Then she wonders aloud, “So what do we do now?”

Brittany ponders a moment but then she turns to Santana and smiles, eyes watery and red, “Maybe we can start over?”

Santana smiles back, “That sounds like an awesome idea.” She then holds out her pinky to Brittany, a gesture that used to come so easily for them, and asks hesitantly, “Deal?”

Brittany takes Santana’s pinky in hers and nods confidently, “Deal.”

#brittanas4thyear #two ghosts #brittana #santana lopez #brittany pierce #fics #fanfics

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thorne93 · 6 years

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Whirlwind Romance (Part 19)

Prompt: You’re getting married to Chris Evans… Everything in your life is perfect… Except when you break the news to your two best friends: Tom Hiddleston and Sebastian Stan

Word Count: 1516

Warnings: language, anger, angst, adult themes,

Notes: This is for @carryonmyswansong challenge (Double Season, Multifaceted, 500 Follower Celebration, Writing Challenge!): Prompt – You’re marrying the wrong person! Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes bcuz shes amazing and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo @carryonmyswansong for letting me brainstorm with them. Got this idea from @formyfandoms… Fic image made by the super bomb @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo

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Tom had left, and Chris was now in your living room, agreeing to talk to you. You’d caught him just as he had got in his car and you nearly begged him to come back inside. Now that he was in here, twenty minutes of tense silence had passed.

You sat and thought about this over and over before finally speaking. You turned to him on the couch, ready to say your piece.

“I don’t like football, in fact, I hate it. I don’t get excited over sports. I'd rather be at a museum or looking at art. You want to live in Boston, I don't. The idea of starting a family immediately terrifies me, and I don’t like the way you make breakfast…”

Chris nodded, wondering exactly where you were taking this.

“But none of that changes the fact that you’re an amazing man. A wonderful man...who deserves his shot at true happiness with a girl that deserves you,” you continued, twisting your fingers roughly. Knots continued to writhe in your stomach, doing this made you want to throw up, you were so nauseous in that moment.

Chris frowned. “If you felt that way, why didn’t you just say it? I mean if you didn’t like all of that shit, why didn’t you just tell me?” he wondered.

“I didn't realize I felt this way. Not until Tom just now. You’re perfect. You’re this incredible guy who never does anything wrong. Sometimes, it got to the point I thought if I said no to things that made you happy, that I felt I was beingselfish. How hard is it to just go along with things you like? I mean, how lucky can one girl get to be with a guy like you? Most girls would kill for you.”

He smirked ever so softly.

“I wasn’t sure I’d ever get or deserve anyone as good as you, so I didn’t want to fuck it up by saying no to you. But… I’ve realized love isn’t sacrificing everything you want to make the other person happy.”

“And I never asked you to do that,” he defended.

You reached over and touched his knee. “I know you didn’t, and I know you wouldn't, but that’s why this won’t work. Because if I give things up, or you give things up, neither one of us is going to be happy. You don’t want to live in LA or wait for a family. There’s no compromise here.”

“There could be, if we talk about it,” he tried, taking the hand on your knee and putting it in his own hands. “I mean now that we know the problems, we can work through them together, fix them.”

“But how many compromises do we have to make?” you asked. You had dreaded this moment. Deep down, you knew this day would come for you and Chris. There were just too many incompatibility issues. But now that you were finally truthfully telling him how you felt, it was feeling like a weight was lifted. “Okay so we pick a spot between Boston and LA., and we wait two years to have a family. What next? You go to football games without me? You go camping without me? I go to bookstores alone? We can’t keep chiseling away the things that won’t work out between us. At some point, we have to face the fact that we aren’t compatible.”

For a long moment he was quiet, nothing but a frown on his face, he had no idea how to respond. He didn’t want to lose you, or what you two had, but if you were this unhappy, how could he rationally ask you to stay?

“So did you ever enjoy yourself or was it all a lie?” Chris questioned in an anguished voice.

“None of it was a lie. Despite hating some things, I still cherished the time with you. I still loved the beach with you, and dancing with you, and every vacation we ever took. I'm not saying it was all bad… or that any of it was bad at all. It's just… I've realized what we had isn't the once in a lifetime love…”

He finally looked up at you, his eyes red-rimmed, making you feel like the world’s biggest asshole for doing this to the sweetest, nicest guy.

“It was for me…”

You bit your lip, fighting back your own tears now. “I love you...But this just isn’t working out between us any more. I can’t marry you, not with good conscience.”

He shook his head, unable to accept that because Tom said he was in love with you that you were willing to change all of this, unless you’d had an affair, but he didn’t really think that was the case.

“I thought you were happy? I thought you wanted to move forward with us? I thought you were excited to be married? What the hell changed?”

You delicately shrugged. “I think I was in love with the idea of being in love… We were good, we were happy. But then we got engaged and it all got so real so fast and I suddenly started to have doubts.”

“So we’ll postpone the wedding, give us some more time,” he pressed. If you just wanted more time to get to know each other, he could do that.

You shook your head.

“It isn’t about time, Chris, it’s about the people involved. We just aren’t right for each other.”

“Is it me? Did I do something wrong? I know I’ve been kind of a jerk lately but… I mean, is it because I was working in New york?”

“It's nothing like that. Chris, I swear it's nothing to fix. You're who you are and I am who I am.”

“Is this just wedding jitters? Cold feet? We can work on that.”

“No. There is nothing to work on!” you stated, exasperated. You understood he didn’t want to give up, and it was sweet, endearing, of course he wouldn’t just step aside. He was in love with you. But you had this in the back of your mind for a long time, that the two of you just weren’t good together.

“So what? We’re just supposed to say fuck it to the last three years? Like they didn’t mean anything? If it’s about Boston then--”

“It isn’t just Boston. It’s everything. We’ll never see eye to eye on everything, on the big things that matter, or even the little things.”

“We see eye to eye that two people are in love should get married.”

At this, you nodded, swallowing before you said, “You’re right. We do.” For a split second, his eyes lit up, which is why you had to back it up with, “Which is why I won’t marry you.”

Chris let out a shocked, hurt breath of air. You shook your head, fighting back tears the entire time as you pulled off your engagement ring and handed it to him.

“It’s a beautiful ring… You should give it to a woman who really deserves it.”

Chris laughed slightly. “Yeah, I thought that was you.” He looked up at you. “So this is it huh?”

You shrugged awkwardly. “Yeah, I, uh, guess so…”

After a moment of pressing his lips together in a firm line, he gazed at you and asked, “Are you sure this is what you want?”

You nodded. “I… yeah. It’s for the best, for both of us. I think I knew I felt this way for a long time, but you are so amazing and sweet, I didn’t want to lose that… But that isn’t fair to either of us. I’m so sorry, but it’s good we end it now before going through with the wedding…”

“I’m not so sure,” he said, taking a deep breath. He got up to leave. The air between you two was now heavy and soaked in pain, and you weren’t sure how to handle it.

He simply nodded at you and went to walk out, yet, this time, no part of you wanted to ask him to stay, or felt bad about what was happening. You knew in your heart this was right. Maybe it would hurt like hell right now, but it was best it was happening.

With Chris gone, you sat and thought all night, running it over in your mind if this really was the best decision, and you realized it was. Just because Chris never did anything “wrong” doesn’t mean he did everything “right” either. You’d never thought about leaving him, because he never gave you a reason to.

He was caring and loving and patient, yes, but that wasn’t enough. You wanted someone that cared for you in the ways you loved, in the way that they were patient and it that didn’t feel like you were a burden to them. Someone that made you feel like you were priority, that you were on top of the world.

Chris loved you, he just didn’t love you in the ways that mattered to you.

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Sebastian Stan:

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#whirlwind romance #CarryOnMySwanSong500 #chris evans x reader #tom hiddleston x reader #sebastian stan x reader #chris evans #tom hiddleston #sebastian stan

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monsternme0101-blog · 7 years

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Destroy me with a lie, I will destroy you with the truth

Diary of a potential suicide: How's my life? He's doing good. Alot has happened. This entire blog started bcuz of the heartbreak a certain dumbass who shall remain unnamed, Johnny Rogers, broke my heart and destroyed me over and over with his homewrecking older uglier sasquatch only there bcuz my side of the bed was cold skank bitch. But that chapter has closed. New information has come to light regarding both of them. She left him for another woman's husband and was strung out the whole time she was destroying my life and calling me what she was...and him. He accuses me of destroying our marriage bcuz I cheated. No bitch, you were done. Remember? You were leaving me, divorcing me...so I was done too. You were a little boy who expected the toy he put down to always be there. But when someone else noticed it, you got a bad taste in your mouth. You blame me for the demise of our marriage, and made me believe it. Turns out broken hearted Johnny Rogers, has been cheating since 2014. Please deny it. I wish a fucker would. I will post proof, tag you, tag the bitches, your mama, your girlfriends (plural) and write a book for Google books and an audio version for youtube and google music. Bet I won't. ALSO, when he tells the story of us...he plays the victim of a violent mean crazy drunk wife who he stayed with for so long bcuz he loved her but couldnt take the heartbreak anymore bcuz she cheated 16 times. Real story? WITH PROOF AND PHOTOS? This asshole would get drunk, BEAT MY ASS NUMEROUS TIMES, (want pics?) Went to jail bcuz IT'S ILLEGAL TO BEAT YOUR WIFES HEAD ON A CONCRETE FLOOR BCUZ SHE WOULD NOT BUY YOU MORE VODKA. (want proof?) Or strangle her bcuz you're so out of your mind that you thought she was hiding people in the closet and wouldn't let them out. (Got pics) or kick her ass in her daddys house (should I tag him and ask daddy?) I could go on and on...the violence he is talking about? Is the time that I was done being the chick making excuses for a coward piece of shit and being my daddy's daughter, I beat his ass more than he beat mine. I gladly took that charge. In court, since they know exactly what happened bcuz he has been in front of that same judge for doing it to me literally more than 6 times, deferred. Judge told me its going to be a sad day when he is handing my husband a life sentence for killing me and that I needed to hear that God made me for greater than this man. He plays a convincing victim though, doesn't he? As for the cheating, yeah. He was in jail. I wrote all the time, put money on his books, bought phone cards to call me...he never did. The entire time. Then I got one letter. It said he's, 'done and having John (his stepdad) file for divorce.' Sounds done. So I'm supposed to NOT be done. I'm supposed to be a good wifey and wait? You got me fucked up bro. It wasn't cheating. It was the first step in the right direction. PLEASE CALL ME A LIAR!! I WISH A PUSSY ASS WOULD! YOU spin it on me. Make me out to be a junkie whore (exact words) while you are literally sleeping next to THE junkie whore (proof anyone?) when I just wanted to be left alone. You stalked me. Harassed me. Hurt me. Made up shit bcuz you knew I had warrants to have me arrested....and literally made me out to be exactly what you were. You made me believe what you said about me. In reality, I didn't see anyone. Ever. I kept to myself and minded my own buisness. You told everyone I was sleeping with everyone...no. As a matter of fact, between you and Monster, there was no one. And Monster insisted him and I wait til I hit a year. January 8th, 2016 Johnny and I got split. He went to jail. I went to long term inpatient rehab. 6 months. Left in September. Didn't care enough to care about anyone else and met Monster in January. He actually made ME wait until January 8th bcuz he said I'd feel better about myself if I did. Didn't happen that day bcuz all of our friends knew and made a big deal about it and I couldn't do it... So actually, over a year. Does he believe me? No. Do I give a shit? No. You don't know bcuz you bailed. You left me alone. I was there. I know what happened. You believe whatever you have to to justify what you did. THAT is why you will never ever get credit for the person that I am. I am the product of a good man who loved me when I still tasted like heartache and war. And never pretend like you know me again. And when you wanna talk about how we can be 'friends and have coffee and hit meetings together...' Fuck. That. You didn't want me when I was what you turned me into after 5 years of your bullshit and abuse you sure as fuck don't get to know who I am after a real man who loves me turned me into who I am now. Your REAL problem with me Johnny fucking Rogers, is that I see you. And I don't give a shit what you think or run your dick suckers about bcuz I have no respect for you. Hurts your nuts a little bit huh? That someone who loved you like no one ever will, That defended you after every beating, that stayed when the rest of the world turned on you, that always always had hope in you that this time will be different, the one person who had your back, even when you were dead wrong... That person that loves you with a chaos no one will again and would do anything for you... Realizes that my love is what made you good in my eyes. Without that, you are a sad shell of a twisted person who has no good left. I told you a long time ago, any good in you, came from me. It still stands. But now, you pretend to be someone you aren't. You know how you get pity? You tell MY story. WORD FOR WORD. You think I don't hear anything? That even in my hiding place, I can't see or hear? That everyone who knows me, hasn't met you, realized who you are and listen as you spout this to them and tell me?! Wow. You talk about how you don't like who I am...then why try and deny who you are? Why use the words I say to you bcuz I'm over you, to other people in our story like you said them to make it sound like you grew a pair? So no one knows you were the bad guy? So no one knows that you aren't a hater anymore, bitch, you're a fan. So when you tell the story, you aren't the bad guy? You tell people you're over me...that you couldn't save me...but forget to tell them, you were the one K needed saving from. You're over me, I'm running around Purcell high with a needle in my arm only 90 pounds and close to death. YOU WISH. Bcuz you hate the fact that it took you 5 years to beat me into submission and less than 5 months to be the person you wish you could be with.. But I don't want you. So you spin it. You tell people I post shit under fake profiles...bitch, like I am now, I will own every word I say and use my name to do it. You like the attention, you do it. Bcuz you are washed up and want to bring yourself front and center in my world bcuz it doesn't even touch your galaxy anymore. An excuse to be in my head again, even if just for a second. Bcuz you thought you could do better but found out you can't and thought I couldn't do better but did. Funny how that worked out huh? I told you, bad guys never win. Don't you read the story books? Use my words as your own...I don't care, bcuz I know that you know when you're saying them, who said them and why. You tell people I hack your accounts. I don't care enough about you or what you do to fuck with you. Should we mention when you broke into my Google Photos account didn't like the fact you were erased from my life for good and got butthurt at what you saw and sent people naked pictures of me and showing them off to your bros saying we were working things out and we just couldn't say anything yet bcuz we were scared about what Monster would do...that and the fact they all still gave you shit bcuz when they realized I am not what you've made me out to be, you had to pretend the fat ugly old chicks you get are a choice and not bcuz you are desperate. Did it hurt it wasn't you? Or when Monsters friend got wind of it, knew what happened, played you like a fiddle until you told him you can't be with the girls you're with without thinking of me? Or how you 'have no respect' for Monster and he's using me and doesn't love me but when you saw him face to face you called him sir? That's not respect. That's fear. That man made me see myself as he saw me, you had me scared everyone would see me like you made me see myself. Crazy how shit turns around. You're 'sober'? Do you need a Wiki definition of that word? You quickly forget, I do know people. And when they hear your sad story about love lost, they put 2 and 2 together and figure out who you are. Then they tell me you're screwed up on pills running your mouth. Oh right. You get drug tested....like you didn't beat those before. Right?! I am exactly what I am. Flaws and all. No more, no less. But I never pretend I'm something I'm not. I am enough to Monster. My horrible singing, terrible dancing, my snorts when I laugh, my stupid jokes, my random useless facts, my blanket hogging, my smothering love...everything you fell in love with me for but with a few things that make me better than I was. #1. I have a man who never lets me forget who I am and what I am to him. I have a man whom I love more everyday bcuz he has made me into someone I am proud to be instead of like in your case, loving you bcuz you literally convinced me I couldn't do better and beat me into the belief that THAT was love. If I know what love is, it is bcuz of Monster. #2. I am better than I was bcuz I don't have you in my life. Plain and simple. You prey on broken girls. The ones you meet in rehab, in AA or on the internet bcuz there, you can be someone you want to be but can't be. Bcuz if people ever saw the you that I see. That I know. That I am too good for, you'd die alone. What kicks your ass so bad is you KNOW what you lost...what should kick your ass is the person I am that you will never get to know. The person I am isn't the person you made everyone, including myself, believe that I am. It took a man that you say, *doesn't love me *is using me *has no respect for me to see, that as you were telling me these things, you were trying to bend me back into who you made me. I do not bend. Especially for you. Monster gave me that. You wanted me to start hanging with you, be besties, leave Monster for the reasons above....why? You said a few reasons.. 1. You still loved me. (Fuck. You) 2. You want to see me be okay (Fuck. You) 3. Bcuz you knkw you did me dirty and have guilt for doing an evil thing to a good person...which means you must have hit step 4 and my personal favorite...'BCUZ BABY, YOU ARE STILL THE SAME GIRL THAT I MARRIED' (I told you to never call me baby again, so don't) and I promise you, I am not that girl. The best parts about me are, but the part that had any respect for you, any love, any care for...you destroyed her. You just want to take credit for who I am bcuz people are seeing through your bullshit and its time to spin it again. You have nothing to do with who I am...You're only getting this much thought bcuz I heard the sad victim song you're singing one too many times and I am done. Please Johnny fucking Rogers, dare to call me out and say I'm lying about any of what I've said. I've already got the draft in my memo pad with odcr pages, pics of court papers, pics of my face after you'd beat me, the names and numbers of chicks you cheated with in 2014 (I will tag, I promise) and anything else I might need. I walked into this blog eyes wide open and prepared for you to call me a liar and anyone who wants to defend you. Either way, you will see them in divorce court. As for you, you will never get to know happiness. Any life you have left in you, you don't get to be happy bcuz it was built on my pain. It must suck to know that you tried to destroy me with my love for you and the worst possible thing you could have ever done and did do to another human, was the best thing to ever happen to them. You get no forgiveness. Ever. I used to believe in turning the other cheek, til you bruised that one too. Bye bitch. As for you Niki Harper. You and I will always have unfinished buisness. 1. Your hands should never have been anywhere near my dirty laundry 2. You didn't even know me when you did what you did. 3. Doesn't matter what sad tale he spun to you, he was a married man. You deserve slapped for that just bcuz that makes you a slutty home wrecking piss poor excuse for a woman. 4. Bcuz you like to talk shit and threaten me that you're on your way to kick my ass bcuz you left town for a few days and caught MY husband trying to hook up with me? (Ignorant cocksucker) (Johnny sent me that video. Thanks Johnny) BUT did you show up? No. You called the next morning asking me to forgive you. It's 2017. Nothing is ever completely erased. I even have my own folder in gallery dedicated to screenshots and verizon messages texts concerning what the both of you said and did to me bcuz you hoped 'I'd slit my wrist deeper and harder next time and end up dead in a ditch with a needle in my arm' didn't work. Nobody has that power over me. Especially a bitch with the only problem she has with me is that I am smarter, prettier, younger, better and when it came down to it, he tried to leave you to come back to me. I told you both.. Karma works for me. I have not done shit to either of y'all but sat back and watched you destroy yourselves and blame everyone else but yourselves. Your hell is waking up (probably next to some other womans husband) having to be you every single day while knowing, that I, the one you decided to destroy for NO FUCKING REASON, waited 33 years to meet someone who showed me the love you will never have bcuz you are exactly what you are and I wake up next to him. Everyday. What was it yall said on Johnny and I's anniversary when you bragged that when I called him crying saying I missed him? That you put it on speaker and laugh at me. And how 'blissfully' happy you were. You tried to replace me. You want on my level? Climb bitch. You couldn't be me no matter how hard you tried. That is why you hated me so much. Bcuz even though he was talking shit about me, he couldn't stop talking about me. Thinking about ways to hurt me, but always thinking about me. Sending naked pics of me to everyone, but thinking about me so he could stomach fucking you. Want the screen shot of the apology and asking for forgiveness Bcuz you found out everything he told you about me was a lie? I am sooo ready. I have been waiting for this for a long time. Had alot of time to prepare for what is next. So be careful and tread lightly. Know, before you do whatever stupid thing you might wanna do or say out of anger, that I can prove every word I said, EVERY SINGLE WORD, and it won't be out of anger. It will be out of shame and embarrassment at what you did and getting called out publicly. You made a spectacle with neon lights for what you did to me.. In life, you get what you give. So I'm returning the favor. How does it feel? Just think, this isn't even half as bad as what you did to me. You did it to me with lies and bullshit. This is the 100% Gods honest truth. That's why it hurta you so bad. Now everyone sees you. For exactly what you are. Please. Ask me to prove it. I told you both, I couldn't do to you what you did to me, destroy a good, innocent person with a lie, but I sure as hell can destroy bad evil people with the truth. You're welcome. Print it for your 4th step psycho.

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