#or whatever other insidious shit they always assume I'm doing

[nexus-nebulae]

stupid fucking broken body

[creampievampire]

Could you go into the difference between the subtext and queerbaiting in it, I'm still kind of -well it's obviously gay but nothing was really ever said or shown that says that expect for people talking about it- Like are the characters and their relationship just queer-coded (positivly ofc lol) but the baitiness comes from them sort of confirming it off the show?

of course! im assuming by ‘it’ you mean merlin, but rather than explaining the reasons why i think bbc merlin is a matter of subtext (or queer coding) and not queerbaiting, i think it would be easier and more productive to explain the difference between the two in general. they are very similar - which is why i think a lot of people are unable to tell the difference between them - but they have important differences

just a warning, this is going to be a LONG post lmao ive bolded exactly what each term means below, after which i go into more detail on the whole issue. this is something im passionate about so,,, ♥

queerbaiting specifically refers to a marketing technique in which creators hint at but dont actually depict a queer character or relationship. They do this in order to attract a queer audience with the suggestion of a character or relationship they can relate to, while also avoiding alienating their queerphobic audiences

queer coding is the subtextual coding of a character as queer through the use of things like metaphor, allegory, hinting, recognisable traits/stereotypes/experiences, etc. This is done to build believable characters and create more complex plot lines, and it is also regularly used by people who want to tell queer stories but are unable to do so explicitly. it CAN be used negatively to enforce damaging stereotypes, but that is just a small part of its usage

both of these things utilise subtext in order to work. subtext is not only a crucial part of the creation of any piece of media, but is impossible to avoid.

an example of the most basic types of subtext is when a character tells someone that everything is going to be okay, but you can tell they dont believe it. or when youre watching a story unfold and you suddenly connect the dots and realise whats going to happen before its explicitly stated - you used subtext and the hidden meanings and hints to figure it out!

the people involved w a piece of media create their story with a specific purpose or meaning in mind, and they construct the subtext of the story to reflect that purpose/meaning. HOWEVER, the viewers dont always see things the same!

your experiences and personality shape the way you view and interpret every piece of media you consume. if you hate cops youll see the insidious undertones in cop shows - if you grew up with an abusive parent youll see the biting implications in a characters dialogue that others find innocent - if youre queer you will search for and fine queer characters everywhere, regardless of the creators intentions

now, both queerbaiting and queer coding use subtext to function, right? so how do you know which is being used and whether or not its a bad thing? its all about intention

to give a specific explanation of the difference im going to use two examples that are (arguably) very similar in the way their queer characters became canon

example 1: adventure time featured the characters marceline and princess bubblegum, who have been forever depicted as a couple in fan content. their interactions in the show were read into and latched onto bc we saw ourselves in them and we saw it as positive queer rep. but their relationship was never explicitly discussed during the course of the show and was only confirmed at the end of the final episode.

that makes 10 seasons in which their relationship existed only in subtext, and when it did finally exist in canon it was only for a few minutes, if that.

example 2: supernatural featured the characters dean and castiel (lol) who have been depicted as a queer couple pretty much since the first episode cas appeared in. i personally hung on their every interaction, analysed every glance between them, bc i interpreted deans character as a parallel to my own childhood trauma.

cas joined the show in season 4, so that makes 11 seasons in which him being gay existed only in subtext, and when it was confirmed he was immediately cut out of the show. the exact nature of dean and castiels relationship still remains in subtext.

so why is it that adventure time is widely considered perfectly fine but supernatural is dunked on as being the poster boy for queerbaiting?

its bc adventure time involved queer creators and was an earnest representation of queer characters, but they were boxed in by their publisher, Cartoon Network and thus the only way for the relationship to exist in the show was through subtext.

supernatural, however, consistently neglected their queer character and employed transparent tropes and stereotypes - bringing him in just sparingly enough to keep queer audiences interested while never being gay enough to alienate their macho manly man queerphobe audiences. they would have dean and cas stare into each other eyes for a full 30 seconds and then almost immediately follow it up with an episode about dean banging a disposable female character.

so imho adventure time falls under queer subtext, and supernatural falls under queerbaiting

when it comes to a show like bbc merlin i see a lot of debate about whether or not its queer coding or queerbaiting, and my intention is not to convince you of either. merlin was very much a product of its time, and i have argued the same about seasons 4-6 of supernatural as well, before the queerbaiting escalated and became exhausting to me

the purpose of this post is to start giving you the information you need to analyse any piece of media and come to your OWN opinion as to whether or not its queerbaiting or whatever else

people will ALWAYS have differing opinions about this shit yall. i have debated so many times w so many people about where the line is and whats okay and what should be ‘cancelled’ and if consuming something deemed problematic makes you a bad person or not

and my conclusion?

if youre capable of acknowledging the flaws and issues w a piece of media without trying to defend it as a shining beacon of purity simply bc you like it, then you do you. enjoy whatever you want to enjoy - if i think its reprehensible i simply will never interact with you lol

at some point everyone has to stop regurgitating these generic woke speak cancel culture speeches and buzzwords and formulate their own opinions

my advice to anyone reading this is to learn how to do close reading (ill provide a link to a wonderful short guide on it in a reblog bc tumblr hates links) and start really considering where you draw the lines with all types of content. decide for yourself whether merlin or supernatural or adventure time crosses the line into content you cant stomach, but respect other people whose interpretations differ from yours

i know a HUGE amount of people think supernaturals confession scene was homophobic and toxic - a slap in the face - but when i watched it i saw myself reflected in dean. a repressed bisexual whose emotions had been stunted by lifelong trauma, who wasnt ready to face his feelings for cas but quickly realising that his chronic avoidance and fear was about to tear them apart possibly forever. to me it was tragic and beautiful, and i loved it

i also think merlin is a tragic and beautiful love story, and to me its a pivotal piece of queer media that changed the way i viewed love and made me believe that it was a possibility for me bc i related so deeply to arthur

i hope that you can draw a satisfying answer from this, anon, and i apologise for this post being a full essay lol but i believe it needed to be said  - i dont think there is a right or wrong answer here

[cripplecharacters]

(blue, 1/3) for background... this canon character i'm writing about has some serious past trauma (longterm imprisonment + physical torture, has scars all over him), and later on he loses an arm in a traumatic battle. (unfortunately the author completely showed him 'fine' later and never touched on his feelings with his trauma, which is why i'm writing this!) but i feel like i'm walking into a minefield here: it's probably too risky to have him experience suicidal urges

TRIGGER WARNING

(blue, 2/?) or anything.. slightly beyond that at THIS stage in his life because the feelings of his past trauma would resurface with this injury, since given his cocky personality prior to this he would have never addressed his old trauma, even if i take the precautions of a) making sure the feelings are about the EVENT and not the result aka his lost arm b) making sure that’s NOT what the whole story/his character is about

(blue, 3/?) c) making sure it’s not a case of ‘this neurotypical ablebodied person TOTALLY understands what i’m going through and love heals all, wow! :)’… i probably should avoid this anyway, right? and instead opt for it being something that’s happened before prior to this, and now he’s just afraid since he thought this wasn’t an issue? for clarification he’s doing all the growth/development on his own, at least i’m trying hard to go for that, instead of having someone else do that for him.

(putting this here and in the tags but massive TW: SUICIDE, TRAUMA, SELF-HARM)

hey there! I’m a little confused on what exactly you’re asking- you’re trying to ask if it would be appropriate to write him with suicidal urges while he’s trying to recover, correct? side note- trying to write someone’s recovery because you feel the author did a shit job is a really great idea; and you sound like you’ve been doing your research!

so as someone with trauma; urges are par for the course usually, and not at all unusual when it comes to trying to recover and heal. they can occur at any point in time; even if you think you’re past them. if you’re writing him as he finally confronting his trauma, it actually wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for him to experience more/new suicidal feelings. it wouldn’t be out of line or unrealistic to include them if you do the research. you are attempting to make sure that his suicidal urges aren’t about anything that could be harmful, right? with the abcs you listed. even if he feels he’s ‘past’ them, the brain doesn’t tend to agree, especially when you deal with things that have resurfaced. so I think it would be an ok thing to write; realistic, even. here’s what I can think of that might help. obvious trigger warning, and I’m going to be as frank as possible in order to explain as much as I can-

many suicidal urges in traumatized people can come without a direct ‘cause’ and more as just a response to all the emotions and pain, I.e. thinking it can be an escape from dealing with everything. especially if one spends years trying to ignore it; that usually doesn’t work long term and can just make it harder to finally confront something. heavy emotions are really draining and can make it feel like each day is tiring and worthless (the depression.) it’s exhausting to deal with heavy emotions and fear and pain and the recovery can feel too slow. it’s frustrating and can make people angry and then guilty at being angry and so on. it varies from person to person how trauma can effect their day to day life, but everyone can agree that recovery is terrifying and difficult at the start.

it IS bad to use ‘the power of love’ troupe to ‘heal’ someone, but using support from loved ones to help does work. they can’t magically make things better, but they can provide support that makes recovery less bumpy. in the end you’re making the recovery the character’s journey alone, but including others who may influence it isn’t offensive or inaccurate. people can also influence suicidal feelings- increase them by guilt, or bate them by providing a reason to go on. these characters may not even know this, since everything is usually going on within one person’s head. however, sometimes even if you love someone the suicidal thoughts come; having a loved one doesn’t mean they’ll disappear. it’s a personal, private journey.

tw: self harm

looping back to suicide; if you don’t want the character to experience suicidal urges, then he probably will still experience self destructive urges, or general loose hold on safety. I can explain it by someone jaywalking not necessarily to die but with the thought that ‘it’s whatever if I get hit’ or doing things that are reckless because they don’t care if they die. these aren’t directly suicidal but are considered on a same scale because they show a lack of regard for one’s own life. risky behavior might suit your character more than outright suicidal urges, especially risky coping behavior like alcoholism or self harm. you can do these without outright hoping to die but they’re still as bad and in the same general area because they’re negative coping strategies that people often -know- are a problem but don’t/can’t care because they can’t se value in their life. from what I can gather; risky behavior might be what you’ll want to look into for him. and passive lack of regard for self where someone often has thoughts of 'I don’t care if I die right now’ or 'maybe I’ll get hit by a car today’ without actively wishing to do so. those are still in the same area but I don’t tend to see them written as often because people assume suicidal behavior is outright and loud when it can be insidious and itching in the mind. both are deeply upsetting. this might be more likely how he experiences new suicidal thoughts as he confronts his trauma and starts recovery. personally I’m very happy you want to take the time to write something so difficult and personal to some people because I’ve always wanted to see characters I like go through difficulties I/others have gone through and come out strong.

that’s all I can think of that could help; I’m sorry if I didn’t understand your question 100%! feel free to ask for specifics so I or another mod can pick up on it better! and apologies if I’m very frank about this. it’s a difficult subject that needs to be shown more in realistic manners, and I’m happy to see how respectful you’re trying to be. -mod Amy

[traumabrained]

I often read up on signs of abuse to understand them better & to identify my parents' actions/behaviors towards me since I'm currently trying to be removed from the home. However, I was having problems w an ex lover/ex friend & I noticed her showing abusive behavior but I'm afraid I was abusive as well & I'm not sure what to do or how to fix it? I have trauma symptoms from the experience but I think I caused harm too, is this possible & can I redeem myself? I don't want to be like my parents :(

i guess the first thing to figure out is if you actually did cause harm, or if it’s your abuse leading you to believe that you did.

if you google “signs of emotional abuse in relationships” (im assuming it was emotional abuse here but you can type whatever kind of abuse it was) you’ll get an overwhelming amount of sites. here’s the first one that came up, i scanned it and it seemed accurate, there’s a list after a paragraph of intro.

http://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse

the next question is, have you done a lot of the things on this list, or just a few, or none at all? if it’s the last two, then i’m gonna say that unless you can think of something else that isn’t on the list, or on another list you find, you probably weren’t exhibiting any abusive behavior.

here’s the thing that makes it all so complicated, though. relationships can be bad or toxic without being abusive. and further, two people can do the same thing to each other, and only one of them might be abusive.

it comes down to power. could you leave the relationship and still have a home, a job, your friends, etc? could they? who had the upper hand in arguments or fights? did you dread seeing them? do you think they dreaded seeing you?

see, if you had just said “im afraid i abused my ex-partner how can i help fix this” then i’d have a way shorter answer: ask them what they need from you, and then do it. whether it’s no contact or explanations or whatever. there’s really nothing else that can be done that would actually help.

but because you have told me that you were already an abuse survivor, that complicates it so much more. here’s an example: i was abused by my parents as well, and, as an obvious result, believe that no-one is capable of loving me, and that what i have to say doesn’t matter at all. but as a less obvious result, i also believe that i’m always the bad guy. that if a relationship goes south, it must have been 100% my fault because im awful subhuman garbage. when i say that to a therapist, they’re like nah. absolutely not. but even more insidious: because i believe that my friends dont give a shit about me, i withdraw from them. i ignore their messages. sometimes i dont believe them. that’s definitely not good behavior, but am i doing it on purpose? no. and am i gaining anything from it? no.

that’s why it’s hard to give you a concrete answer. on one hand, if you were abusive, then you need to recognise and try to fix that behavior before it harms someone else. on the other hand, if you weren’t abusive but your trauma makes you think you were, then apologizing or trying to fix things could easily place you in more danger, and could make your trauma a whole lot worse.

i’d really really reccommend trying to find a therapist and asking them, and detailing everything that happened. i’m sorry i cant be very helpful