#overcoming perfectionism is my key to writing more often

[erinlbowe]

Plum Island

The gulls dip low across the sand, Pass the dunes, and head Into a vacant shopping lot. The tourists have grown wary Of their sneaky little games.

So now they peck At stale fries on painted lines And wait until the tide is low and high.

Until they choose to circle back To terrorize afresh The new beach-comers And the ones too spent To give a damn If a bird should take their lunch.

[worldismyne]

Analysis: Warrior's of Hope (Peds Psych 101)

SPOILER WARNING FOR DANGANRONPA ULTRA DESPAIR GIRLS

This post will look at the Warriors of Hope as a group. Now since we are talking about the Warriors of Hope, we will be discussing child abuse. So if at any time you feel things are getting to you or need to decompress after the essay, feel free to click this link.

What is a Paragon?

To start, we will be focusing on the paragon trope, defined by Overly Sarcastic Productions as a hero that is both righteous and charismatic; your "do no wrong" hero, if you will. They do what is right all the time because of their personal beliefs. Protected by a heavy coat of plot armor, they gather a small group of companions who learn through their example to be better heroes; and together they overcome evil and spread peace throughout the land. That’s the basic formula of a paragon hero, if you want or need  a more in-depth explanation, I would strongly suggest watching OSP’s video.

In the first game, we follow Naegi, your textbook paragon hero up against Junko Enoshima, the queen of charisma. I feel it important to mention that Junko, while almost a paragon in the way she gathers her followers, is missing the key ingredient of knowing she’s doing is right, because she admits to the opposite. She’s doing the wrong thing on purpose to see what will happen and how far she can take it.

While in the second game you look at Hinata (our paragon hero) up against Komaeda; someone who believes wholeheartedly they are right, but lacks the charisma to rally allies in-universe. You can love Komaeda all you want, but no one during the game's central plotline seems to particularly like him or want to follow him. Which makes Junko and Komaeda foils of each other in a way, each consisting one half of the paragon trope.

So what does this have to do with Another Episode? Simple, the dynamic is flipped. The Warriors of Hope are each paragon’s in their own right, varying on the scale of righteous and charismatic. But what makes them villains is that what they believe to be right, is in fact horrendously wrong. Their righteousness and charisma become their greatest flaw when pointed at the wrong enemy. It showcases how this type of character can be equally dangerous on the “wrong side”. We see this especially in Nagisa, who has openly convinced himself the ends justify the means. A place where children can be safe is the top priority, nothing can stand in the way of this ideal, not even the lives of other humans.

Additionally the real heroes of this tale are two halves of the paragon hero, like Junko and Komaeda. We have Fukawa; hideously unliked by everyone around her but righteous to a fault, and Komaru; an ordinary girl who appeals to everyone, yet has no strong beliefs outside of her need to feel safe. We are reminded throughout the game over and over again that the reason Komaru was picked as the heroine was not because she wanted to help others, but because as an ordinary girl. And this isn't portrayed as a bad thing. When teamed together, Fukawa and Komaru formed a paragon duo strong enough to overcome the obstacles before them. The game flat out states they are meant to work together, in order to make up for each others shortcomings.

So it is here we see the typical dichotomy of Danganronpa flipped in Another Episode. In which two character types that were typically used for villains are up against a group of paragons set on a path of destruction. Bringing to question, if someone like Naegi were to be sent on the wrong path, could they be redeemed and change direction?

And the answer the game gave us… was no.

At both the end of the game, and the end of the anime we are left at a standstill where neither side will move. No outside force can change how a paragon thinks other than the paragon themself. Sure outside circumstances may kick-start introspection, but they can not change the way this type of character progresses by force. Not to say that change is impossible; but that journey would take more time then both the anime and game could allow, especially if we were to cover all five characters. But further discussion on the matter should be left on a character, by character basis.

Age and Developmental Stages (Time to Get Scientific)

As a BSN with a particular interest in pediatrics and psychology, a great deal of my analysis’ will refer back to my classes. Writing characters under the age of eighteen can be really difficult for writers, especially if they are not in constant contact with at least one individual from the age group they are trying to portray. Often times in media, we find child characters to be annoying, grating, and unrealistic; because on an instinctual level, we understand that's not how children that age typically act. You won't see an eight year old acting like a teenager, or six year olds throwing tantrums.

This is especially important, because children are not bound to the same rules as adults when it comes to understanding the world around them

According to Kotoko's mother, Kotoko was still 10 years old while she was alive. And while we can't determine when exactly her murder took place, we can say it happened shortly after the despair incident but before Junko was locked in the school.  Since the children still refer to themselves as Super Elementary School Levels, they can be no older than 13 based on the Japanese school system making them range anywhere from 10-13. So what does this tell us about how they should think?

Erikson’s theory of child development indicates they are just now gaining their own sense of identity outside of the roles they had been assigned. There is pressure to look to the future and what they want to be when they grow up. If they don't see a place for themselves in society or dislike the role they've been forced into, they will be more likely to rebel and cave to peer pressure. We see this especially with Nagisa who struggles between his role as the new leader verses his previous role as the dutiful son. If they are on the younger side, their sense of self worth relies heavily on the praise of their peers and mentors, seeking approval of their accomplishments. They define themselves through peers and test values/belief systems against society.

Above all else is an inherent inability to understand abstract concepts, or ideas that extend beyond where they are and what they know. Simply put, they cannot understand why adults are bad or that someone may have an ulterior motive. They know that their parents were bad, so all adults must be bad. This idea is reaffirmed when their peers share the same conclusion.

Everything is black and white, good or bad, right or wrong. They are just beginning to understand that an idea, such as freedom, means something different to everyone. Until they fully comprehend this, they are unable to fully empathize with individuals that don't share their viewpoint. When it comes to things that are not physical like love, empathy, morality, justice; they simply can’t understand it the way adults do.

In their mind, their view is right because they are good, anyone who disagrees must be wrong and therefore bad. This is not a moral thing, it’s how they cognitively process the world.

This is in no way saying their actions were justified. Simply, that they were just beginning to understand that there are things outside of what we see/say/do. The idea that someone can be both good and bad, nice yet dishonest; was not something they knew before Monaka betrayed them.

Coping Mechanisms in Children

When it comes to abusive situations, a huge emphasis is placed on power and control. Children in these situations will do anything to seek the control they do not have. This can include laying low, people pleasing, hurting themselves or others, aiming for over-achievement or perfectionism. It's not entirely uncommon to see children using multiple coping mechanisms at once, jumping from one to another until they regain a sense of safety and stability.

In times of stress, children will exercise their ability to control their perception of what happened. This can include denying the effects of trauma (Masaru),  detaching their emotions from what happened (Kotoko) and failure to see that something can be positive and negative at the same time.

Children may also try to change or justify their situation. They can try to rationalize, or explain why something bad happened to them, even if the explanation is not grounded in reality (Jataro). Or they may try to please/appease those who hurt them by seeking approval (Nagisa).

I cannot emphasize enough the importance power and control has over children in these situations. Power is safety, exercising that power is a reminder of that safety.

Building the Children's Paradise has less to do with recreating Lord of the Flies, and more to do with creating a place where they have control over everything in their environment (rules, peers, and who is allowed close to them). Anything that threatens their position of power is an immediate and personal threat to their own sense of safety. For example, the peers they consider friends are brainwashed into doing exactly what they say. The only adult allowed near them acts as a slave to be manipulated and mistreated.

The Influence of Role Models and the Importance of Subjective Information

We know very little about their parents from a omnipotent view. With the exception of one letter from each parent, all information comes from their victims. However, there is still much we can determine about them, in how the children themselves behave.

According to the "Identification" theory; a child's behavior patterns, beliefs, and values are greatly influenced by their parents. And not because it was something that was taught, but it was something they saw routinely growing up and adopted themselves. While this does not eliminate their ability to make their own choices, a great deal is to be said about learning through example. Self destructive behaviors like substance abuse, low self-esteem, and violent behaviors are often traits learned by watching their parents. We know in great detail about what the parents did to their children, but very little about what their parents did to themselves or peers.

Likewise, the kids have an opposite view of Junko which is equally as biased and inaccurate. According to the Warriors of Hope Junko is sweet, caring, and blameless. As someone who met one of their most neglected needs, she represented a sense of security and love they never had. But we all know Junko's true nature and how manipulative she can truly be. The children actively deny any accusation against her because she became, essentially, their surrogate parent. It's not clear how involved she was with them, but we are given a sense that at face value, she took care of them the way a big sister ought to. Once again, an example of this black and white thinking still held by the children, it also gives us insight on the validity of their information.

Questions like "Why does Junko want to destroy the world?", "Why is my dad an alcoholic" or "Where’s the rest of my family?" may not have occurred to the kids as important, and certainly were not included in the original narrative. With no intent to excuse the abusive behaviors, it's important to keep in mind we are given a very narrow and subjective view of their home lives that purposefully excludes any positive redeeming aspects. This is all by Junko's design; as a way to keep them in a traumatized, despair-induced state that would facilitate the killing of adults.

We know this, because several rules of the Children's Paradise Commandments expressly forbid remembering the past and emulating the behaviors exhibited by their parents (including Nagisa trying act as a competent leader). Any positive influences their parents (or any other adults) had are actively being repressed to perpetuate the massacre of Towa City.

Cultural Considerations

If you're reading this, there is a high probability that you live someplace other than Japan. Your views on everything are influenced by the culture you grew up in, and just because we can relate to other cultures, doesn't mean that we completely understand them and the issues their country faces on a daily basis. The best we can do is look at the window they provide us.

In Japan mental illness is a taboo topic to discuss publicly. It's seen as something to be ashamed of or suffer in dignified silence to protect the family's reputation. Equally taboo is the discussion of child abuse, with the Japanese government only starting to track of cases in 1990. 50% of all sexual abuse cases go unreported because of Japan's cultural stance on upholding strong moral values closes off the discussion, in a “it could never happen here” sort of way.

Foster homes in Tokyo are packed to capacity with kids that were taken from their abusive environments with nowhere to go. Not because people don't care, but because culturally, the discussion of abuse and having an adopted child are not embraced the same way as in other cultures.

In fact, both Kotoko and Nagisa point out that the surrounding adults wouldn't help them. It's not entirely unthinkable, given Japan's history, that they had tried to reach out for help; only to be let down by a system that was still adapting to discussing the topic. The revolution of reporting and advocating for children's rights is still a new and growing practice in Japan.

When Danganronpa Another Episode released in Japan, the number of child abuse cases were the highest ever, surpassing 70,000 reported cases for the first time and has been rising since they first started reporting cases. This isn't to say people were abusing their children more over the last few decades, but that people's stance on reporting abuse has drastically changed and continues to improve. Games like Another Episode not only champion the cause of child advocacys among newer generations, but spreads it to a wider audience, including people who will form and change the governmental and social aspects of Japan's culture in the future. Games like Another Episode provide an important platform to discuss societal issues that have for years been ignored because talking about them was 'uncomfortable.' To unironically quote G.I. Joe. "Knowing is half the battle."

Abuse in DR

The topic of child abuse is not a new one to the DR universe. In fact several characters share similar childhoods and have spoken quite openly about them.

(Masaru: Oowada, Kazuichi)

(Jataro/Monaka: Fukawa, Mikan)

(Kotoko: Sayaka, Hiyoko, Akane)

(Nagisa: Togami, Ishimaru)

What separates the Warriors of Hope from the other characters, is their age and proximity to these negative events growing up. We closer see the impact of what these things to do to their personality and worldview because they're still children. It's all the more heartbreaking because we understand, while dramatized, it is something very real and in some cases, relatable. Seeing their stories play out, makes us uncomfortable, because we know that there are children out there that experience similar pain and there is very little we can do about it at the very moment we are reminded these things exist.

However, it is important to acknowledge the things about society that upset us, as it is a crucial step in orchestrating change.

I'd like to end by highlighting charities and organizations working to fight child abuse in my own country. If you do not live in the United States I would highly recommend finding reputable charities in your area that are working to help, if you are interested in volunteering or donating to the cause.

Thank you so much for reading this crash course through child psychology and I look forward to seeing you in the next analysis.

http://www.ylc.org/

https://promisehouse.org/

https://lnfy.org/

[alcego-writes]

Writing With ADHD

Writing is hard at the best of times, but when you have to add your brain to your list of obstacles, it gets exponentially more difficult. That doesn’t mean you can’t do it! Like most things, it just means you have to find a way to write that works for you.

I am notoriously ADHD. For the majority of my writing experience, I have done nothing but write short snippets of something and then disappear into obscurity because that was all I could manage to do. However, recently I’ve been able to spend time trouble-shooting my writing experience and that’s been a godsend. I’ve been writing consistently (at least four days a week) since mid-September of this year, something that was previously unthinkable. In that time, I’ve written roughly 82,000 words across several projects, which is more than I’ve written in my entire life, let alone over such a short span of time.

I’m not saying this to brag, although I am certainly proud of this, but to say that it is possible to write with ADHD. It is possible to write a lot with ADHD. And it is possible to write without being in agony with ADHD.

It’s not an easy process, as what works for writers without ADHD may not work for you, or may need to be tweaked considerably to work for you. So here I’ve broken down a few issues that I struggled with, as well as some ways to overcome those issues. (Note: These may not work for you, or may need to be changed to work for you. Don’t worry about that! All that matters is you’ve found a way to write that works for you.)

Inspiration Overload

You know what I’m talking about: when you’ve got one great idea, but before you can make any real headway on the project you get another great idea, but before you can get started on that you get yet another great idea, and so on and so forth. It happens to the best of us, and it doesn’t have to get in the way of progress!

Obviously there are a ton of ways to overcome this, but for this post I’m just going to focus on these three:

Idea Dumps

Multiple Projects

Work It In

1. Idea Dumps

It’s not exactly an attractive name, so apologies for that, but it does mean roughly what it says. Personally, I have two idea dumps: one is a Scrivener document where I jot down loose lines of inspiration or basic ideas. The other is a notebook where I loosely outline ideas so I can appease the side of my brain that demands I work on it right-now-immediately.

Obviously, there’s more options than just that. You may find that sticky notes or a legal pad or a Google Doc or the notes program on your phone works better. That’s fine! Just get the idea down, so you won’t have to worry about forgetting it and you get a little bit of satisfaction knowing you’ve gotten some work done on it.

2. Multiple Projects

If you can manage it, pull up several documents. Write down the idea and bounce between the docs as your inspiration shifts. This does require some self-control, namely knowing how many WIPs you can actively work on at the same time (and when you need to shift something onto the back-burner). 

This will look different for everyone. For me, I can work on two projects at a time when time and energy allows, but as soon as mid-terms/finals/holidays come into play, I have to shift my focus to one WIP or risk burning myself out.

Play with it! Look at your history of WIPs. When has it been the easiest for you to write? The hardest? Apply that to your writing routine and tweak it as needed until it works for you.

3. Work It In

This doesn’t work for all ideas, but finding ways to include a heist narrative in your vaporwave novel can be an incredibly rewarding feeling. To do this, consider your active WIP and the new idea you have. What does the new idea have that the other is lacking? Can the new idea be shaped to fit into the active WIP? 

For example, I developed the concept for my sci-fi novel from two different ideas. One was a young woman who doubled as a superhero trying to take down a corrupt government, and the other consisted of three clearly defined characters who lacked anything resembling a plot. By merging the two, I gave that WIP a well-rounded cast and ensured that those three characters didn’t waste away in my idea dump doc without ever getting a plot.

It’s trial and error, but it can work!

What the Fuck is a “Routine”

I don’t know about y’all, but I cannot function without a routine. I also struggle to establish anything resembling a routine without a lot of struggling. It’s hard! It’s difficult to do anything, let alone create a method of going about your day that leads to consistent productivity.

The biggest thing that helped me get a routine was to stop thinking about it as a rigid, immovable thing. Routines can be that, yes, but for me it was impossible to create a routine without trying to track my every task down to the minute. Which, if you’ve ever tried a routine like that and started falling behind, is a slippery slope.

Instead, make a list of the things you want to do every day, or every week, or every month. Look at the ones you want to do right now, and focus on doing those on a regular basis. Once you’ve worked that one thing into your day and can do it without struggling overmuch, you can start focusing on adding another.

For example, I wanted to write consistently. Not every day, but at least every week. And I wanted to have something to show for that, so I would be able to look back and say, “Hey, I’ve been doing good!” So I grabbed a sticky note, wrote the date on the top, and listed every day of the week on a different line. Each day I wrote something, I wrote the word count on the sticky note. At the end of the week, I totaled up what I wrote for the week and then stuck it in the front cover of my writing notebook.

I’ve spoken with people who take their planner/calendar and put one sticker per thousand words on the day they wrote (e.g. on November 28, I wrote 2,000 words, so I would put two stickers on November 28). You might grab a clear jar and some cotton balls/marbles/little rocks and put one in for every thousand words, or enter it into a writing program that tracks that for you. Whatever works!

The point of this is to give yourself a reward system. What I outlined above is a form of reward system, where you can see your efforts clearly and on paper. This is more effective for me than telling myself I can’t get on Tumblr/read/listen to a podcast until I’ve written x number of words, but there are different strokes for different folks. Play around with it, and find a way to reward yourself for your work! (Your brain will appreciate the dopamine boost, I guarantee it.)

Once you’ve added a few things to your daily/weekly/monthly tasks, you’ll have a routine! I like to break down my tasks as little bullet-points on a notepad so I can cross them out when I get done. (Right now my lists look like 1. Write, 2. Algebra HW, 3. Sociology HW, 4. Eat, if that gives you any idea of my priorities.

Burnout

This shit sucks!! You write 5k in one sitting and then nothing for the next eight months (I’m totally not speaking from experience... that would be.... ridiculous). It’s really disheartening, as it feels like you’ve lost all creative ability. You go to write but words Won’t Happen. The ideas don’t just turn stale; they disappear entirely.

It happens. Unfortunately, it does. Some people may call it writer’s block (which I could do an entire post about on its own, as it comes in so many different shapes and sizes) but in the end, all that matters is you Can’t Write.

Before you decide that writing just isn’t for you, take a moment to consider why you’ve burnt out. What external factors (school, work, social obligations) affected you? Were any internal factors (mental health, illness, bad break-up, etc.) getting in the way of your work? Is there anything you can do to ease those challenges?

You might be surprised to notice a few patterns. For example, I always struggled to write during a flare-up, or when my mental health got bad, or when school and work collided in disastrous ways. There isn’t always something you can do to fix those things, but just knowing that there’s a reason can be helpful.

Also, take note of when you start getting your mojo back. When do you notice the first ghostly shape of an idea taking form? When do you start itching to write? Music, relaxation, and days off can have a significant effect on your creative cycle.

In fact, your creative cycle will almost definitely insist you take days off. There’s a reason I don’t hold myself to more than 4 days of writing a week, and that’s because I know my limits. My idea-brain needs time to recharge, even if I can occasionally go weeks at a time without taking a break. (Which, for the record, usually results in burnout.)

Be kind to yourself. Take note of your patterns and play into them. Take time off, force yourself to write on the days when you know it’s just hell-brain throwing a tantrum, remember to eat and drink. You’d be surprised by how often burnout coincides with a decline in self-care.

Consistency

Routines aren’t all that matter. Consistency is key, and not for any of those bullshit “you’re not a real writer unless you write every day” reasons. Momentum is incredibly helpful, and you can’t build that unless you’re also developing good habits.

Routines can help build momentum, but the crux of it all lies in self-discipline. AKA ADHD hell.

Reward systems can help, as can accountability systems (like posting your writing progress every week...), but the biggest change for me was not any of that.

It was letting myself write badly, and celebrating those words anyway.

Sounds odd, right? Why would I celebrate what is objectively bad? It’s because a combination of ADHD-brain and my upbringing led me to develop a paralyzing case of perfectionism. What’s the point of writing it unless you do it perfect?

It’s better to write it badly and make sense of it later. As the saying goes, you can’t edit a blank page. Write badly. If you need to, turn the text the same color as the background so you can’t obsess over the quality. Write in Comic Sans (which is a very good font, but also incredibly difficult to take seriously) or something that you can’t read easily. Find a way to write garbage and then celebrate it. Celebrate the number, or the fact that you’ve gotten the dumbest version out and it can only get better from here.

By doing that, you allay fears of perfectionism. Practice makes perfect, and practice means several drafts, many of which will hurt to read. You’ll get better the more you write, and the more you write the easier it will be to push through the scenes that aren’t working. Hell, get into the practice of using brackets when you can’t think up the scene, or need a name, or need to do research, and just keep writing. No matter what, keep that momentum going.

If you need an outline to avoid getting lost, do that. If you need to feel free to explore the story without restraints, do that. Just write. Keep writing. It’s bad? Keep going. Your ideas will change; adapt to the new concept and make a note to yourself to fix the earlier aspects later. Keep going. 

And there’s obviously more I can go on about, but these are the main things that helped me. (Apologies if the text gets thick at times. Writing is one of those things I can talk about forever when the mood strikes.) Please let me know if there’s anything else you want to know! If you have any questions, feel free to pop into my ask box! I’m happy to chat.

[hello-thefatlosshabit-blr]

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One of the most potent strategies for reaching a goal is to identify the obstacles ahead of time and to develop a plan to address each before they are encountered. We want to be optimistic, but we don’t want to be a naive optimist. The naive optimist ignores the obstacles in their way and believes that they will not confront any challenges while striving to accomplish their goal. The realistic optimist believes in their ability to accomplish their goal despite the obstacles in their way. They acknowledge and prepare for the obstacles which makes them much more likely to achieve their goal. We want to have faith in our ability to overcome obstacles, not naively believe we won’t encounter them.

Research shows that predicting how and when you might be tempted to break a resolution increases the chances that you will keep it.[i]When you are working on developing a daily discipline, ask yourself: “When am I most likely to be tempted to give in? What situation is most likely to get me sidetracked? What excuses will I give myself to procrastinate?” Once you have such a scenario mapped out in your mind, imagine yourself in that situation, what it will feel like, and what you might be thinking?  If we are struggling to form a habit, it shouldn’t be difficult to imagine what situations will cause us to slip off our path, because these situations must have occurred for us to be struggling with forming the habit now.If you enjoyed this article, please LIKE and SHARE. 

Why is imagining the situations that will cause us to fail such a useful tool for overcoming our willpower challenges? It’s because once we have identified them, we can anticipate them and develop a plan to either avoid the situation or mitigate the temptation. When you have a definite strategy in mind, imagine yourself doing it. Envision what it will feel like to succeed. The more you mentally rehearse your plan, the more likely you are to execute it successfully when the temptation confronts you.

While planning missions in the military, two things were drilled into us. The first was to keep our plans as simple as possible by avoiding unnecessary complexity. We were taught the acronym KISS, “Keep it simple, stupid.” Simple plans are easier to execute. Complexity is the enemy of execution. The second was to rehearse, rehearse, and rehearse. The simpler your plan is, and the more you rehearse it, the better you will execute your plan. Execution is critical. Plans do not produce results unless you execute them.

Gabriele Oettingen a clinical psychologist and author of Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation, found that regardless of the goal, weight loss, obtaining a high-paying job after college, finding your soul mate, or recovering from hip replacement surgery, being a realistic optimist dramatically increases your odds of success. Realistic optimist recognizes the pitfalls that lay in front of them and develop a plan to address them. They don’t overestimate their ability to overcome challenges through willpower alone. They shape their environment and create if-then plans to shape their behavior. Realistic optimists have meals ready to eat in their freezer, they submit more job applications, they exercise more courage to meet potential romantic partners, and they create daily routines around rehabilitation exercises.[ii]

We must believe in ourselves, but one of the worst things we can do is underestimate the challenges we must overcome or overestimate our finite and fickle abilities to overcome them. Presuming that our willpower will always be adequate to the challenge of overcoming every temptation is folly. We need to recognize the challenges before we encounter them and develop a plan, based on proven strategies, to overcome those challenges. We should seek the advice of people that have done it.

Everyone struggles with procrastination, laziness, and overcoming distractions to make progress toward their goals. The bigger the goal, the more likely we are to be intimidated by it. The more likely we’ll be to procrastinate. When a reporter asked Earnest Hemmingway how he set about writing a novel, he replied, “First you defrost the refrigerator.” While I am no Hemmingway, the task of writing a book can seem overwhelming. To prevent the enormity of the task overwhelming me, I focus on writing the next paragraph or outlining the next chapter. A beautiful book about the joys, struggles, and rewards of writing is Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird. She describes writing as a gritty endeavor that requires courage to overcome procrastination born out of perfectionism to produce that “shitty first draft.” She says, “Perfectionism is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist’s true friend.”

Her book’s title reminds me to focus on taking that next small step to produce that shitty first draft. I remember the story of Anne Lamott’s brother for which the book is titled. She recounts the story in her book: “Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he’d had three months to write, which was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother’s shoulder, and said, “Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.” Her father’s simple advice is something we can all use as a tool to stop procrastinating and take one small step, and then another.

It is a common mistake to think that our weaknesses are unique to us. They aren’t. Many of us wrongly believe that our weakness of willpower reveals a profound flaw in our character. It doesn’t. Frailties and imperfections are common. It is part of what it means to be human. They are so common that we marvel at and celebrate those that can overcome them. Weakness is a part of the human condition. We need to understand our limitations and develop effective strategies for coping with them. We all struggle with willpower, but most of us never seek a better understanding of it. The better we understand our human frailties, the better we can manage them to overcome our willpower challenges.

The only way to beat procrastination is to overcome the mental obstacles to starting. Marla Cilley, the creator of the 5-Minute Room Rescue, found an ingenious way to help us overcome procrastination. She suggests you commit to five minutes of work. For example, tell yourself, “All I am asking for is a five-minute commitment, after that we can stop.” Of course, after starting it is much easier to keep going. This same tactic can be applied to performing a workout when you just are not feeling it. Tell yourself, “let’s get changed, grab a cup of coffee, and warm-up for five minutes, and if we still are not feeling it, we can quit.” Once you get started, it is unlikely you won’t be able to finish the workout.

We have one brain but two minds. One mind is motivated by base instincts and strong emotions, the other is logic driven and focused on our long-term goals. Emotions are powerful. Overcoming them through sheer force of will is very taxing and can deplete our willpower reserves quickly, leaving us more vulnerable to the next temptation. Shrinking the commitment, by asking for only 5-minutes of work is a very effective strategy for overcoming our feelings. The more consistently we can overcome our emotions to do what is in line with our long-term goals the more successful we will be.

Consistency is the key to making progress. John Maxwell’s Power of Five provides a great example of the power of small persistent actions. He asks what would happen if you had a large tree on your property and you committed to taking five swings at it each day? The answer is always the same; the tree will eventually fall. It doesn’t matter how large the tree is. He has written over 70 successful books using the Power of Five. We are often intimidated by the large trees in our life, but if we just committed toward doing a little each day, instead of being overwhelmed by them we would achieve incredible results.

When it comes to writing, I subscribe to Steven King’s philosophy, “Don’t wait for the muse. As I’ve said, he’s a hardheaded guy who’s not susceptible to much creative fluttering. This isn’t the Ouija board or the spirit-world we’re talking about here, but just another job like laying pipe or driving long-haul trucks. Your job is to make sure the muse knows where you’re going to be every day from nine ’til noon or seven ’til three. If he does know, I assure you that sooner or later he’ll start showing up.” I keep showing up. The worst thing we could do is judge ourselves too harshly and believe our weakness of willpower reveals a unique flaw in our character instead of what it is, ordinary human frailty.

The three most important things to understand about willpower is: (1) we need to get adequate sleep each night to begin the day with the maximum amount of willpower (2) our willpower depletes as our day progresses, and (3) the more self-control we are forced to exercise, the faster the rate of depletion. Stress and fatigue are the enemies of willpower. If you wake-up each morning tired, you’re already starting the day at a willpower disadvantage. Most people need at least 7.5 to 8.5 hours of sleep each day. Since our willpower is greatest at the beginning of each day, that would be the best time to schedule the tasks that require the most willpower. You’ll also find you have a lot fewer interruptions in the morning. The last strategy and perhaps the most important is to avoid taxing our willpower unnecessarily. We want to shape our environment to promote positive habits and discourage negative ones.

I have made writing a daily a habit, so it doesn’t require much willpower anymore. It is just a part of my day. Most times I can block out distractions and my ideas flow. Sometimes I cannot, but I keep showing up, determined and excited to make whatever little bit of progress I can make each day with the time that I can set aside. I write in the early morning hours because the rest of my day is filled with personal and professional commitments. I know that if I keep plugging away, I will eventually complete this book and the other books I have already outlined. The key to finishing is to develop the habit of starting again each day. I don’t rely on willpower to write each day; I rely on my morning schedule. I don’t struggle with the decision. I look at the clock, and when it says 4:30 AM, my mind says it is time to write. Routines reap results because they don’t rely on willpower, that fickle friend that is never there for you when you need him. Disciplined habits are our best friends. “A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labors of a spasmodic Hercules.” Anthony Trollope

The more we rely on willpower as our strategy for success, the less likely we are to achieve our goals. The problem with willpower is that it depletes as the day progresses and leaves us naked to temptation. It is more useful to shape our environment to reduce temptations and distractions than to rely on willpower and grit. When we overestimate our willpower, we unnecessarily expose ourselves to people, situations, and environments that will tempt us to break our resolutions. “Research shows that people who think they have the most willpower are actually the most likely to lose control when tempted. For example, smokers who are the most optimistic about their ability to resist temptation are the most likely to relapse four months later, and overoptimistic dieters are the least likely to lose weight. Why? They fail to predict when, where, and why they will give in. They expose themselves to more temptation,” Kelly McGonigal.

Ronald Amundsen

The 1909 race to the South Pole illustrates the necessity to identify the challenges ahead of you, learn from the success of those who have gone before you, and not to rely too heavily on grit and determination to push through whatever obstacles you encounter. Two teams took-up the challenge of being the first to reach the South Pole. One group was led by British Naval Officer Robert Scott and the other lead by Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen.

Amundsen gave his people the best possible equipment, and paced their journey to ensured he gave his men plenty of time to rest along the route. Scott’s team was ill-equipped. Inadequate clothes lead to frostbite, and poor goggles lead to snow blindness. Amundsen used dogs to haul their provisions, while Scott used untried motorized sleds which quickly failed, forcing his men to carry their provisions on sleds.

At the South Pole: Wilson (left), Scott, Oates (standing); Bowers and Evans (sitting)

Scott pushed on and ultimately made it to the South Pole, albeit one month behind Amundsen’s team. Tragically, no one on Scott’s team would survive the journey back, while Amundsen’s team returned with no severe maladies. There are many reasons for the radically different outcomes, but ultimately it was Scott’s overconfidence in the grit and resilience of his team that caused him to underestimate the difficulty of their journey. His dying words illustrate this point. “Had we lived, I should have had a tale to tell of the hardihood, endurance, and courage of my companions which would have stirred the heart of every Englishman. These rough notes and our dead bodies must tell the tale.”[iii]

I don’t want to diminish their courageous act of perseverance, but merely wish to point out that it could have been avoided. Scott could have given his team a better chance of success if he had better identify the challenges and better understood the limits of human endurance. This program offers tools to make your journey more manageable, but certainly not effortless. You will have to demonstrate some grit and willpower, but much less than if you didn’t use the proper strategies. The mistake I want us to avoid making is relying too heavily on willpower.

A plan that relies too heavily on willpower is doomed to failure. We are foolish to subject ourselves to temptation needlessly. Willpower is a fickle thing that often leaves us during our time of greatest need. As Shakespeare put it, “we are devils to ourselves, when we will tempt the frailty of our powers.”[iv] We shouldn’t tempt fate by relying on willpower when an effective strategy could reduce or eliminate the need for willpower. The proven strategies contained in this program will give you the greatest odds of success. Why make your journey any more difficult than it needs to be? The best use of our willpower is the implementation of strategies to reduce our need to exercise it.

The distance between our goals and where we are is the journey before us. When we choose to spend time with people that exhibit negative attitudes and behaviors, we are deciding to put rocks in our backpack. If we are trying to eat healthier but choose to stock our pantry with junk food, we are choosing to make our journey harder. We are consciously choosing to put pebbles in our shoes. Many people say they don’t want to deprive their kids, of what exactly I don’t know, a lifetime of sugar addiction? I believe desserts should be an occasional treat, not a daily indulgence.

These rocks and pebbles won’t produce an immediate failure, but they will make failure inevitable. The extra weight will slow your progress, and the pebbles will grind away at your resolve with each step you take; until you eventually give up. When your willpower finally gives out, you’ll blame it for your lack of success, instead of your decision to expose yourself to the temptations unnecessarily. You are going to need grit and willpower, just like Amundsen’s team surely did to successfully navigate the South Pole, but they combined it with the right tools and strategies.

Save your limited willpower for the temptations you cannot avoid, instead of putting more in your path. You are going to be tempted at the office to eat the donuts, cookies, and birthday cakes on a regular basis. Our supply of willpower can vary significantly from day to day depending on how stressful our day has been. This is especially true as the day wears on, and our ability to exert willpower is depleted to almost nothing. If we get adequate sleep each night, we begin the day with a willpower reservoir that is fully restored like your cellphone battery. The more we use it throughout the day, the quicker it depletes. Ever notice that most of our bad habits occur late at night?

That is because our willpower has evaporated and all we are left with is our desire to seek instant gratification and relief from our stressful day. Shaping your environment by eliminating the temptations you will encounter in the evening is the most effective strategy you can adopt. The next most effective technique is establishing an evening ritual that supports your goals. Habits conserve our willpower because they don’t require our conscious mind to decide what to do. The decision is made automatic through repetition. Our primitive mind encounters the cue and executes the routine automatically.

Change agents often find that what appears to be a people problem is a situation problem. Instead of taking on the difficult task of changing our behavior through willpower, we can often tweak our environment and make change happen painlessly. Instead of relying on workers following proper procedures, safety engineers install guards and controls to prevent workers from taking shortcuts that put themselves at risk. They do this because they know that it is easier to tweak the environment; rather than to force 100% compliance with proper procedure as workers become overconfident and complacent.

I hope you’ll decide to become an optimistic realist. I hope I have convinced you that we cannot ignore the challenges in front of us or imagine a future in which they won’t exist. We must develop a plan that relies less on willpower and more on structuring our environment to make good habits easier and bad habits more difficult. Our environment profoundly influences our behavior, so it is only logical that we would want to shape it to promote good habits and discourage bad ones.

A realistic optimist anticipates the challenges that are outside their control so they can develop and rehearse a simple plan to address them. If you are struggling to exercise five days a week consistently, I want you to first ask yourself “why am I NOT going to train five days this week?” Then I want you to develop a plan that will allow you to overcome the excuses. Optimism is an excellent source of motivation, but naïve optimism is a recipe for failure that ends in bitter disappointment. I want you to believe in yourself, but I want that believe to be based on the world as it is, and not based on the world as you would wish it to be. I want you to be a realistic optimist.

Best wishes and best health!

[i] Kelly McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It, Avery; Reprint edition (December 31, 2013)

[ii] Heidi Grant, Be an Optimist Without Being a Fool, Harvard Business Review, MAY 02, 2011

[iii] John C. Maxwell, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, HarperCollins Leadership; Revised & Updated edition (September 16, 2007)

[iv] William Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida Translation, Act 4, Scene 4

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The Fat Loss Habit: Creating Routines that Make Willpower and Fat Loss Automatic takes a new approach to getting leaner, fitter, and stronger. The program uses high-impact change strategies that make the process of adopting a healthy lifestyle easier. The nutrition and workout program, like the change techniques, have all been proven effective, and are all backed by research and scientific studies.

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Don't make the mistake of being a naive optimist. Research shows that predicting how and when you might be tempted to break a resolution increases the chances that you will keep it. Learn more. If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook. One of the most potent strategies for reaching a goal is to identify the obstacles ahead of time and to develop a plan to address each before they are encountered…

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Reading Response #9

🔍 My Thoughts on Emerge (Ideas) pages 56-66

This chapter of Emerge covers ideas and how to get them. Don Perini explains that there are idea-friendly times during the day during which ideation (the creation of ideas) is most likely to happen. Some of these times are while one is listening to a sermon, falling asleep, reading or driving a car. These activities will put you in a relaxed state of peaceful wakefulness, a state of mind open to new thoughts and ideas. I can relate with this, as I’ve often had ideas pop into my head when I was in the middle of one of these activities. Our brains work subconsciously to generate ideas, so when our consciousness quiets down, we’re better able to listen for new ideas. Another topic Perini discussed in this chapter was how to capture our ideas. He notes that they’re worth their weight in gold, so it’s incredibly important to record them before we forget. He recommends keeping index cards around for this purpose. Personally, I’m more of a fan of post-it notes and my Notes app on my phone for quickly jotting down ideas.

🔍 My Thoughts on Emerge (Master) pages 81-87

In this chapter, Don Perini explained the process of becoming a master in a craft. First, you have to put in 10,000 hours of practice, and second, you must practice with a purpose. You need to take initiative to develop your skills and talents so you’re able to realize your dreams. Perini recommends pursuing other areas of knowledge and integrating them into your craft so you can grow. Mastery comes through hours of intentional practice. For me personally, I know that I need to work on this––more doing and less dreaming. If I’m honest, I feel like I have a lot of potential, but it’s just going to stay potential if I don’t start striving for mastery. I need to start implementing  intentional practice daily if I’m going to get better at painting watercolors or drawing on my iPad.

🔍 My Thoughts on Emerge (Messiness) pages 100-107

In this chapter, Don Perini discusses the “creative habit of messiness.” I really appreciated learning about this. I’ve often been afraid of failure, and gotten discouraged in my art-making because I’ve felt that it had to be perfect the first time. But Perini explains that “Creatives overcome their fear of failure…by developing a willingness to start out messy. Creatives recognize that all creative endeavors must start out messy if they are going to eventually become useful.” This is kind of a revolutionary idea for me. If I give myself permission to be messy in the beginning stages of my work, whether that’s a sketch or a first-draft of a paragraph, I can see myself succeeding in what I make. Giving myself permission to be messy at the beginning gives me more freedom to work and takes away the discouragement that accompanies failure. I need to recognize that it’s okay to failure, too, as long as I’m learning from my mistakes.

🔍 My Thoughts on Emerge (Habit) pages 108-116

Perini discusses the process of forming a daily habit in this chapter of Emerge. Habits are cycles which begin with triggers, followed by routine behavior, followed by a reward, and then back to the trigger again. Triggers alert you that an action needs to be performed. I loved Perini’s example for writers: keep a lit candle on the middle of your desk to remind you that you need to focus on writing. The candle is a trigger. For habits to be effective, they also require rewards as a way to celebrate your success at completing your daily habit. Perini advises visualization techniques to keep our momentum going, and adding a “village member” for accountability. Repetition, of course, plays a key role in forming habits, too. Lastly, Perini addresses our mindsets as we form our habits. You need to believe that the new habit is good, right, and in your best interest in order to successfully change your old habits. And you need to renew your mind by replacing negative thoughts about ourselves with positive ones. I think these tips are all very useful for habit formation. I’ve seen their effects before in my life when I’ve established habits in the past. I don’t think I’ve ever used all of these tips at once before, and I’d be interested in trying out the visualization technique, effective triggers, and accountability partners.

🔍 My Thoughts on “The Habits of Effective Artists” video

I really enjoyed this presentation by Andrew Price. It was both engaging and informational. In his talk, he shares about the bet he made with his cousin, and the seven habits he then learned about how to be an effective artist. These seven habits are:

Daily work. Price recommended that artists work on their craft everyday, rather than waiting for large chucks of time. This reminded me of the fable about the tortoise and the hare: slow and steady wins the race. In the same way, practicing something everyday will result in a good habit and (in the artist’s case) more muscle memory. Price shared his goal for himself: one line a day. Often, he ended up spending hours drawing after he made his one line. The hardest part of maintaining a daily habit is getting started on the days you have no motivation, which is why he recommended setting the bar low.

Volume, not perfection. Price explained that the more work a person makes, the better they’ll get. The majority of the learning process happens in the beginning stages of an artwork, not the tweaking stages at the end. Artists should focus on quantity over quality, because they’re get more learning time in when they spend less time with the ending perfectionism stages.

Steal. Price makes the point that great, original art is built upon art copied from hundreds of other artists. We learn by imitating others, so “stealing” work is how we grow as artists. I’m not sure how I feel about his word choice, but I think I understand what Price is saying. In order to learn, we need to imitate others’ work. Price recommends creating a file of artwork you love, which works as both inspiration and reference. Personally I do this with Pinterest boards and photo albums on my phone, and it definitely helps me when I’m not sure what to make or how to make it.

Conscious learning. Price explained that practice doesn’t make perfect without learning from your mistakes. In other words, you have to to focus on what you’re doing so you can actually improve. I definitely need to work on this one, because it’s easy for me to just listen to music and “doodle around” mindlessly, but that’s not actually going to help me in the long run. Improving requires concentration and self-discipline.

Rest. This is a big one. Rather than working endlessly on a project, Price suggests following the examples of other great artists and taking breaks from your work. When you pause for a couple days and come back, you see your work with fresh eyes, and it’s easier to find solutions to the problems you faced before. I implement this habit a lot when I’m creating artwork, and also when I write papers for school. Sometimes I just need to come back to it the next morning in order to see what needs to be changed.

Get feedback. This is also important for improving your craft. According to Price’s presentation, the best artists are those who “seek criticism and actually listen to it.” By listening to constructive criticism, you’re better able to improve your mistakes and grow as an artist. I know this tip has definitely been helpful to me in my artistic journey.

Create what you love. Don’t waste your time on something you’re not interested in. When you create what you enjoy, Price explains, “you’ll make better work and you’ll stay motivated.” I would definitely agree with this. In my experience, I’ve found that it’s really difficult to force yourself to make something you have no interest in. It’s good to try new things and expand your horizons at times, but discovering your personal niche is best in the long run. That way you have something of a comfort zone for your art-making, and it’s easier to engage in the daily habit of artistic practice.

I really appreciated learning about these seven tips, and I definitely want to start implementing them as I practice making art. I think establishing these habits will help me grow as an artist.

📷 Image above:

https://www.google.com/search?q=artist+aesthetic+blue&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjAzp3CstPsAhXPgZ4KHbZbAzIQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=artist+aesthetic+blue&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQAzICCAAyCAgAEAgQBxAeMggIABAIEAcQHjIGCAAQCBAeMgYIABAIEB4yBggAEAgQHjIGCAAQCBAeOgYIABAHEB5QjN4EWIDnBGCC7gRoAHAAeACAAXGIAcIDkgEDNS4xmAEAoAEBqgELZ3dzLXdpei1pbWfAAQE&sclient=img&ei=bFmXX8DoPM-D-gS2t42QAw&bih=789&biw=1440#imgrc=D9bX_xU_7OAg9M

[hrjerry-me-blog]

For GOD’s Sake, Just Try Something New!

I really admire successful people. And over the years, I’ve studied many of them, read their biographies and books and tried to emulate their strategies.

These books have helped me, but it wasn’t their strategies that gave me the most valuable insights.

I discovered the one thing all successful people have in common, a trait that all of them have practiced without exception:

They try new things. Risky things. Innovative things.

Their progress and success is based on breaking the mold, and doing the things very few people are willing to do.  

And I’m stating it so simply because it is that simple and that difficult.

Sure, we all try things in our business:

We read articles and books

We put together a website

We try new software and online tools

We participate in social media

We ask for referrals from existing clients

We get out there and network

But with most of these, we’re just going through the motions. We’re doing what everyone else does to just survive in business.  

Most of these activities are safe and don’t challenge us, let alone lead to breakthroughs in performance and results.  

This article is an attempt to help you understand what it takes to successfully try new things.

Why do we settle for doing the safe things that everyone else is doing? Why do we hold back and play small more often than not?

It’s very simple, really.

Trying new things is scary!

If it wasn’t, we’d all be outrageously successful at everything we attempted to accomplish.  

And clearly, we’re not.

Instead of trying new things we delay and procrastinate. We get stuck in perfectionism. We judge and second-guess ourselves. We are paralyzed by analysis. Or we hope things will change.  

The first thing we tend to do is make a whole lot of excuses. We convince ourselves that we’re not ready yet.

We don’t try new things because we believe…

we don’t have good enough ideas

we’re not smart enough

we don’t have enough information

we are lazy

we’re not committed

we don’t know the right people

we don’t have enough time

we are disorganized

we don’t have the right resources

we don’t have the experience

we are not creative

we are inherently weak

we don’t know where to start

we have bad habits

we can’t get a break

All of these are just delay tactics. And none of them is legitimate.

The one and only reason we don’t try new things is:

FEAR.

Many people, much wiser than me, have a few words to say on the subject: “Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.” – Frank Herbert

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” – Paul Coelho

“When we are afraid, we pull back from life.” – John Lennon.

“Fear cuts deeper than swords.” – George R.R. Martin.

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” – Plato

“Men go to far greater lengths to avoid what they fear than to obtain what they desire.” – Dan Brown

“I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life.  – Yann Martel

“Fear kills everything, your mind, your heart, your imagination.” – Corenlius Funke

“Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end.” – Krishnamurti

Yes, the only thing that stops us from trying new things, from success, from living our dreams, is fear.

Therefore the only way to succeed is to face our fears and try something new anyway.

And this is a lifelong process, an everyday process.  

Thankfully, many wise people have even more to say about going beyond your fears.

“Fear is inevitable, I have to accept that, but I cannot allow it to paralyze me.” – Isabel Allende

“I believe that every single event in life happens as an opportunity to choose love over fear.”– Oprah Winfrey

“We meet fear. We greet the unexpected visitor and listen to what he has to tell us. When fear arrives, something is about to happen.” – Leigh Bardugo

“Find out what you're afraid of and go live there.” – Chuck Palahniuk

“I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” – Rosa Parks

“There's no shame in fear, my father told me, what matters is how we face it.” – George R.R. Martin

“It's better to die laughing than to live each moment in fear – Michael Crichton

“Don't fear failure. Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.” – Bruce Lee

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” – Marie Curie

“He who has overcome his fears will truly be free.” – Aristotle

“Courage is feeling fear, not getting rid of fear, and taking action in the face of fear. – Roy T. Bennett

Face your fears. Find your inner courage. Take action.

This is really the only strategy we need to remember and come back to over and over again, no matter what we want in life.

Don’t be distracted by a million strategies that everyone tells you are the answer to success:

– Develop a perfect 10-step morning routine

– Read one book every week

– Exercise 30 minutes every day

– Write down your goals and look at them daily

– Meditate before you take on a big challenge

– Write a step-by-step action plan before you start

– Make sure your goals are aligned with your purpose

– Keep lists of every task and project important to you

– Write down all the things you’re grateful for

– Pursue excellence in everything you do

Forget about all that stuff. It only clutters your mind.

There’s nothing wrong with any of these, except that we think they hold the key to our success.

Instead, they just distract us from taking action now on that new idea or project that’s important to us.

We don’t need to be perfect or make things perfect and organized before we take action.  

Nothing, absolutely nothing, trumps trying something new that we fear. And then simply doing our best.

Everything in our lives neatly falls into place when we make that our primary success habit.

All the ideas, strategies, tips, people, and resources that we need will come to us naturally and easily when we face our fears and take action.

If you don’t believe me, believe these people:

“Do one thing every day that scares you.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Everything you want waits on the other side of fear.”  – Lisa Wingate

“On the other side of fear is your breakthrough.” – Jeanette Coron

“Feel the fear and do it anyway.” – Susan Jeffers

Cheers, Robert

P.S. You’ll find some wonderful quotes (more than 6,000 of them) about overcoming your fears on Goodreads.

Action Plan Marketing helps self-employed people attract more clients through action-oriented marketing strategies that get you in front of prospective clients. Get our free report on how you can attract more of your ideal clients at this link: http://actionplan.club/free-stuff.

[awesomecolorfulcollectorwombat]

5 Essential Communication Strategies for Perfectionists

New Post has been published on http://delphi4arab.com/5-essential-communication-strategies-for-perfectionists/

5 Essential Communication Strategies for Perfectionists

My company has invested in years of research developing a program that identifies six key personality types and their corresponding communication styles. One of the six main traits we identified is the “diligent” personality type. People who strongly identify with diligent personality traits are inclined toward perfectionism. By definition, diligent or perfectionist personality types are motivated by data and practical behaviors. They exude confidence in an evidence-based framework and are laser-focused on facts and achieving outcomes, preferring to get to the point of any conversation quickly. These particular skills are often advantageous to any organization when balanced with a healthy component of emotional intelligence. Another upside to this type of particularized communication is that people can count on diligent personalities to be objective and efficient in their interactions.

Problems arise when you are locked into a diligent state. Every problem must be solved, every rock must not go unturned, and every issue must have closure. Perfectionists are also inclined to persuade, over-explain, and offer unsolicited advice. If you identify with these strong perfectionist habits, you may also tend to face challenges when communicating with others. If you can’t keep your intense feelings in check, it can leave others exhausted and tuned-out.

When regulated, perfectionist types are open to the needs of others rather than sticking with a “prove it to me” mentality of engagement. Consider the following tips to help loosen the reins of perfectionism and improve your communication. The ultimate payoff will be a more balanced and healthy relationship with others — as well as yourself.

1. Hold your tongue.

Practice mindful or silent listening. Refrain from providing “answers” to statements unless it is formed as an actual question posed toward you. Most people just want to be heard as they work through their feelings and thought process. They are not expecting you to provide an answer to their issue or problem. Honor their unspoken wishes. Try to adopt the mindset that not every conversation requires your input or an instant solution.

2. Don’t fill in the blanks.

When you are caught up in fact-based thinking, impatience can set in, especially when you believe that you already know what the other person is going to say. When this happens, you stop listening and appear disrespectful. It can cause frustration for all parties involved. There is a fine line between identifying the facts and coming across as a know-it-all.

3. Stop critiquing every idea.

Perfectionism can stifle creativity and innovation. Brainstorming is an effective exercise to overcome detail-oriented biases. Allow thoughts, feelings, and ideas to flow freely — without evaluating, critiquing or questioning. Just try it. There are many ways to get started, including writing down your thoughts and asking open-ended questions.

4. Know when to accept “good enough.”

Not all exchanges require a definitive outcome, and not all tasks must be completed to exhausting perfection. Issues arise when intensity takes over — and you cannot let go. Allow yourself the freedom to feel comfortable with unrestricted outcomes and a less than perfect finale. Remind yourself to “let go” and then ask, “Will this be important, in one week, one month or one year?” Accept that 100 percent closure isn’t always the other party’s priority in the first place.

5. Learn mindfulness meditation

Even the most self-proclaimed over-analytical thinkers can learn how to benefit from a mindfulness meditation practice. It takes commitment and patience to get started, but the results can be remarkably rewarding. Meditation can help free closed-mind and build self-awareness. Here is a shortlist of evidence-based facts that highlight many of the wellness benefits of mindfulness thinking. An excellent place to start is with this five-minute meditation that can be practiced anywhere — even at your desk.

[sailorrrvenus]

How Fear Holds Us Back from Being Better Photographers

A few years ago I was shooting at dawn in East London for one of my books. I walked past a butcher and thought, “awesome!” Capturing people up at dawn can be really hard as they are either not around or it can be difficult to find people doing interesting things.

The scene was great. I liked the blue early morning light on the buildings contrasting with the yellow tungsten inside. It really was a perfect combination of elements. I lifted my camera, shot this, but I obviously wasn’t happy with it because the positioning is all wrong.

Then I saw that the butcher had spotted me. Guess what I did? I carried on walking! I had been totally overtaken by the fear and just left the scene.

“We pay a heavy price for our fear of failure. It is a powerful obstacle to growth. It assures the progressive narrowing of the personality and prevents exploration and experimentation.” —John W Gardener

To be honest it sort of surprised me how fearful I was. I have a lot of years under my belt of photographing strangers. It just shows you, though, that fear is not something you overcome and then that’s it, it’s gone. It can come back at any time. And of course, we professionals are not immune.

But you know what? That’s OK. For me the best way is to accept that fear is a bit like clouds in the sky or rain in London – it comes and then it goes. The worse thing for me to do is let it stop me from taking the shot – or in this case, going back and getting the shot.

Fear is an interesting concept (I like to think of it as a concept because the more I emotionally distance myself from it, the less it’s likely to eat me whole). A little fear and a little anxiety can be great drivers for creating work.

Fear can keep you motivated and alert and save you from the most dreaded of all creativity killers: inertia. But too much, and it’s a real threat to your creativity. And it’s too much fear that I see most often on my workshops.

It’s good to note though that it’s totally natural to feel fear when you are creating.

“We’ve evolved to distrust creative ideas: except in a crisis, there’s little survival benefit to trying something new.” —Oliver Burkeman

As creative people though we are always striving to be better at what we do, trying to create original and beautiful things with our photography.

I believe that fear in its many forms is the main barrier to improving your photography. It’s not just the thing that will stop you from photographing strangers – it will also stop you from pushing yourself further with your creativity. It will stop you from envisioning what is possible to do with your photography – and then getting on with it.

I see fear all the time with my students, and often they are surprised when I tell them that most people can experience fear when they are taking photos. They are not unique or alone in this. With my students I see fear come up in the form of:

Not staying at a scene long enough

Self-consciousness when shooting around people. So instead of being in the moment, connecting to your environment and composing your image, half of your mind is distracted with what people might be thinking or what is happening outside the moment of the photo

Not shooting what you really want to photograph because it scares you too much

Not shooting that intriguing stranger

Not getting started! I see this a lot. Worrying about doing it just right, so people don’t even get themselves out the door. (Perfectionism is just another form of fear.)

I agree with Oliver Burkeman (again) in that…

The real question, then, is not whether creativity provokes fear, but what to do when it does. Far too many authorities urge you to conquer it… but as with any emotion, launching an all-out attack on fear is counterproductive. That just puts it center stage, and risks reinforcing the notion that creativity must – and should – be one endless, bare-chested struggle.

So what I encourage in the dealing with fear is:

Be patient with yourself. Fear is just a feeling. Don’t react to it. Let it come up and eventually it with leave you. Probably the worse thing you can do is start adding lots of thoughts and judgments about your fear. Thoughts are like adding fuel to the fire. Let the fire just burn itself out.

Accept that it’s part of being creative. Putting yourself out there in terms of showing your work, being out there in the world with your camera, doing something outside of your day to day life is going to provoke feels of discomfort. And really, if you are feeling discomfort you are on the right path – it shows you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone, you are onto to something new and different.

I also like this idea about overcoming fear by distracting your mind and creating habits:

There’s nothing wrong with fear; the only mistake is to let it stop you in your tracks. A basketball player comes to the free-throw line, touches his socks, his shorts, receives the ball, bounces it exactly three times, and then he is ready to rise and shoot, exactly as he’s done a hundred times a day in practice. By making the start of the sequence automatic, they replace doubt and fear with comfort and routine. —Twyla Tharp

Accept it is impossible to totally quiet the mind. Thoughts just keep coming in whether you want them to or not (I love what the meditation teacher Jack Kornfield says — that the mind has no shame, it “secretes thoughts the way the mouth secretes saliva.”). So the only choice you have is to ignore your mind, the thoughts, and pay attention to being completely present.

Don’t rush

Don’t think ahead

Don’t wonder where you are going

Instead:

Listen to the sounds around you

Look for the light

Spend three times longer looking than you usually would. Stop yourself from moving

Imagine yourself just drifting, like a small child looking around with fresh eyes, catching the things that interest and being totally absorbed until you are ready to shift the interest to the next thing

Try and look at the whole scene

Don’t think about taking photos, think only about looking and seeing

If in doubt, stay still

And perhaps most importantly….have fun! (remember how much you love photography?)

When I am really struggling with fear I like to remember what Seth Godin advises about starting small:

What we need to do is say, ‘What’s the smallest, tiniest thing that I can master and what’s the scariest thing I can do in front of the smallest number of people that can teach me how to dance with the fear?’

Once we get good at that, we just realize that it’s not fatal. And it’s to intellectually realize – we’ve lived something that wasn’t fatal. And that idea is what’s so key — because then you can do it a little bit more.

Photography for me is not a list of technical skills or camera gear to acquire. It’s not exotic locales or hip people to photograph – photography is a state of mind. The more you work on removing what is cluttering up your vision, the more you’ll see searingly original, interesting photos that make people go “wow!”

Last thought for you: if you are struggling with fear, and not sure if you want to overcome it, then I like to remember this:

“Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes; work never begun.” –Christina Rossetti

About the author: Anthony Epes is a photographer whose work has been featured internationally; including on BBC, French Photo Magazine, Atlas Obscura and CNN. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. Epes is also a teacher – writing in-depth free articles on his website. Receive his free ebook on the two essential skills that will instantly improve your photos, and sign up to his weekly newsletter providing inspiration, ideas and pro-photo techniques. This article was also published on Cities at Dawn.

source https://petapixel.com/2018/11/02/how-fear-holds-us-back-from-being-better-photographers/

[pauldeckerus]

How Fear Holds Us Back from Being Better Photographers

A few years ago I was shooting at dawn in East London for one of my books. I walked past a butcher and thought, “awesome!” Capturing people up at dawn can be really hard as they are either not around or it can be difficult to find people doing interesting things.

The scene was great. I liked the blue early morning light on the buildings contrasting with the yellow tungsten inside. It really was a perfect combination of elements. I lifted my camera, shot this, but I obviously wasn’t happy with it because the positioning is all wrong.

Then I saw that the butcher had spotted me. Guess what I did? I carried on walking! I had been totally overtaken by the fear and just left the scene.

“We pay a heavy price for our fear of failure. It is a powerful obstacle to growth. It assures the progressive narrowing of the personality and prevents exploration and experimentation.” —John W Gardener

To be honest it sort of surprised me how fearful I was. I have a lot of years under my belt of photographing strangers. It just shows you, though, that fear is not something you overcome and then that’s it, it’s gone. It can come back at any time. And of course, we professionals are not immune.

But you know what? That’s OK. For me the best way is to accept that fear is a bit like clouds in the sky or rain in London – it comes and then it goes. The worse thing for me to do is let it stop me from taking the shot – or in this case, going back and getting the shot.

Fear is an interesting concept (I like to think of it as a concept because the more I emotionally distance myself from it, the less it’s likely to eat me whole). A little fear and a little anxiety can be great drivers for creating work.

Fear can keep you motivated and alert and save you from the most dreaded of all creativity killers: inertia. But too much, and it’s a real threat to your creativity. And it’s too much fear that I see most often on my workshops.

It’s good to note though that it’s totally natural to feel fear when you are creating.

“We’ve evolved to distrust creative ideas: except in a crisis, there’s little survival benefit to trying something new.” —Oliver Burkeman

As creative people though we are always striving to be better at what we do, trying to create original and beautiful things with our photography.

I believe that fear in its many forms is the main barrier to improving your photography. It’s not just the thing that will stop you from photographing strangers – it will also stop you from pushing yourself further with your creativity. It will stop you from envisioning what is possible to do with your photography – and then getting on with it.

I see fear all the time with my students, and often they are surprised when I tell them that most people can experience fear when they are taking photos. They are not unique or alone in this. With my students I see fear come up in the form of:

Not staying at a scene long enough

Self-consciousness when shooting around people. So instead of being in the moment, connecting to your environment and composing your image, half of your mind is distracted with what people might be thinking or what is happening outside the moment of the photo

Not shooting what you really want to photograph because it scares you too much

Not shooting that intriguing stranger

Not getting started! I see this a lot. Worrying about doing it just right, so people don’t even get themselves out the door. (Perfectionism is just another form of fear.)

I agree with Oliver Burkeman (again) in that…

The real question, then, is not whether creativity provokes fear, but what to do when it does. Far too many authorities urge you to conquer it… but as with any emotion, launching an all-out attack on fear is counterproductive. That just puts it center stage, and risks reinforcing the notion that creativity must – and should – be one endless, bare-chested struggle.

So what I encourage in the dealing with fear is:

Be patient with yourself. Fear is just a feeling. Don’t react to it. Let it come up and eventually it with leave you. Probably the worse thing you can do is start adding lots of thoughts and judgments about your fear. Thoughts are like adding fuel to the fire. Let the fire just burn itself out.

Accept that it’s part of being creative. Putting yourself out there in terms of showing your work, being out there in the world with your camera, doing something outside of your day to day life is going to provoke feels of discomfort. And really, if you are feeling discomfort you are on the right path – it shows you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone, you are onto to something new and different.

I also like this idea about overcoming fear by distracting your mind and creating habits:

There’s nothing wrong with fear; the only mistake is to let it stop you in your tracks. A basketball player comes to the free-throw line, touches his socks, his shorts, receives the ball, bounces it exactly three times, and then he is ready to rise and shoot, exactly as he’s done a hundred times a day in practice. By making the start of the sequence automatic, they replace doubt and fear with comfort and routine. —Twyla Tharp

Accept it is impossible to totally quiet the mind. Thoughts just keep coming in whether you want them to or not (I love what the meditation teacher Jack Kornfield says — that the mind has no shame, it “secretes thoughts the way the mouth secretes saliva.”). So the only choice you have is to ignore your mind, the thoughts, and pay attention to being completely present.

Don’t rush

Don’t think ahead

Don’t wonder where you are going

Instead:

Listen to the sounds around you

Look for the light

Spend three times longer looking than you usually would. Stop yourself from moving

Imagine yourself just drifting, like a small child looking around with fresh eyes, catching the things that interest and being totally absorbed until you are ready to shift the interest to the next thing

Try and look at the whole scene

Don’t think about taking photos, think only about looking and seeing

If in doubt, stay still

And perhaps most importantly….have fun! (remember how much you love photography?)

When I am really struggling with fear I like to remember what Seth Godin advises about starting small:

What we need to do is say, ‘What’s the smallest, tiniest thing that I can master and what’s the scariest thing I can do in front of the smallest number of people that can teach me how to dance with the fear?’

Once we get good at that, we just realize that it’s not fatal. And it’s to intellectually realize – we’ve lived something that wasn’t fatal. And that idea is what’s so key — because then you can do it a little bit more.

Photography for me is not a list of technical skills or camera gear to acquire. It’s not exotic locales or hip people to photograph – photography is a state of mind. The more you work on removing what is cluttering up your vision, the more you’ll see searingly original, interesting photos that make people go “wow!”

Last thought for you: if you are struggling with fear, and not sure if you want to overcome it, then I like to remember this:

“Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes; work never begun.” –Christina Rossetti

About the author: Anthony Epes is a photographer whose work has been featured internationally; including on BBC, French Photo Magazine, Atlas Obscura and CNN. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. Epes is also a teacher – writing in-depth free articles on his website. Receive his free ebook on the two essential skills that will instantly improve your photos, and sign up to his weekly newsletter providing inspiration, ideas and pro-photo techniques. This article was also published on Cities at Dawn.

from Photography News https://petapixel.com/2018/11/02/how-fear-holds-us-back-from-being-better-photographers/

[healthnotion]

The Little Handbook for Getting Stuff Done

By Leo Babauta

There’s a ton to be gained by getting good at Getting Stuff Done (GSD).

While I don’t think that productivity and efficiency is the answer to life, nor should it be your only focus … there are still a ton of benefits from Getting Stuff Done. A ton.

Some of the benefits:

You start accomplishing more

You begin to believe in yourself more

You waste less time procrastinating and distracting yourself

You become more trustable — when you tell people you’re going to get stuff done, they believe you

You become more hirable, as people love to hire someone who gets stuff done

You are less held back by this dimension of your life, which will allow you to go deeper in other areas — understanding what’s important, being curious, playing, learning, making deep connections with people, retraining old mental patterns that are getting in the way, and more

You start earning more

You might be able to found a successful startup or create a great organization

You might be able to spread your ideas further, as you prove yourself worthy of listening to (because you’ve accomplished something) and as you get the things done that need to be done to spread ideas, like writing a book or blog or giving a talk

And on and on. You get the benefits — you just want to know how to get better at Getting Stuff Done.

This is the guide for you. First we’ll look at the stuff that gets in the way. Then the skills you need to get good at to Get Stuff Done. Then how to get good at Getting Stuff Done.

Stuff That Gets in the Way

Executing is not difficult, if there are no obstacles. Just like moving great distances isn’t difficult if you don’t have gravity or things in the way.

So let’s look at the obstacles, before we look at how to get good at the skills.

These are the most common obstacles to Getting Stuff Done (with some recommended fixes):

Habit of putting off starting, because it’s uncomfortable. This is procrastination — you putt off starting a task because it’s hard or you’re feeling overwhelmed or uncertain about the task. The fix is to make the start as small as possible, create conditions that make you more likely to start, and then to practice starting over and over until you get good.

The switching habit. Maybe you get started, but then constantly switch to other tasks. This is for the same reasons as procrastination — discomfort and uncertainty make you want to do something else, so you go to an easier task or your favorite distractions. Switching, switching, switching, leads to a lack of focus and constant busyness. The fix: create focus sessions, where you practice staying focused on one task for a short period of time (10 minutes, 15 minutes, etc.) until you get better at staying, at least for a little while.

Perfectionism. You put off starting (or finishing) because conditions aren’t perfect, or the work isn’t perfect. For example, you want to start a blog but can’t until you find the perfect platform, perfect theme, perfect schedule, and have all the time you want, a list of great ideas, and a perfect understanding of how to be a great blogger. Good luck with that! Or you write a blog post or article but don’t publish it because it’s not perfect yet (hint: you’re just experiencing uncertainty). The fix: commit to starting imperfectly, just starting even if things are messy, creating that shitty first draft, and cleaning things up later. You might need some accountability to commit to this.

Other people. Other people frustrate you, holding things up with their delays, making things more complicated, complaining, messing things up, being irritating. In truth, it can be hard to get things done when you rely on other people. But this is often a rationalization. The fix: take complete responsibility for your part, get good at doing your part, and step into a bigger leadership role where you help the whole team succeed, stretching yourself to be positive and whole-hearted with other people despite their shortcomings.

Distractions & interruptions. You get pulled away by constant distractions and interruptions. Some of those are under your control, others aren’t. The fix: create focus sessions of distraction-free time, where you turn off the Internet or get a site blocker and commit to just focusing on one thing for a short while. Talk to others about interruptions during this time (tell them if you have headphones on, they shouldn’t interrupt you). Turn off notifications during this time (it might only be for 20 minutes at a time). Finally, practice dealing with interruptions (that you can’t control) by letting go of what you were doing, turning mindfully and gratefully to the person interrupting you and giving them your full attention, then returning to your task and giving it your full attention again. This takes practice.

Being tired. You’re tired, hungry, low on energy, frustrated, lonely. These kinds of difficulties can make it hard to focus and get things done. Fix: Recognize when you’re in one of these states, and do what you need to get recharged (a short nap, walk, or meditation might help). Or do tasks that don’t require great energy and focus (answering emails, doing routine admin tasks, etc.). If it’s a long-term problem, fix your sleep and eating.

Fear, uncertainty, feeling overwhelmed & self-doubt. Lying at the heart of most of the obstacles above are these mental conditions — fear and uncertainty, which are really the same thing. Fix: Getting good at staying in fear and uncertainty without needing to shut down, run, avoid, get in control or lash out (the usual responses), is a key skill. More on this below.

This might feel like an overwhelming list of obstacles. But the fixes are relatively simple, and I’ll talk more about how to put together a simple program for getting good at overcoming these obstacles, and getting good at Getting Stuff Done in the process.

First, let’s look more at the skills you want to get better at.

10 Skills to Get Good At

With our list of obstacles, we started to come up with some fixes … and they mostly have to do with skills that we want to get better at. Let’s look at those here:

Picking one important thing (prioritization). If you focus on important tasks a majority of the time, you’ll be getting stuff done. If you focus on getting the small stuff done but not the big stuff, or switch between tasks all the time, you’ll be less effective. It’s useful to pick one important thing to focus on at a time, learning over time what tasks and projects are of higher value to you than others. Is answering this email more important than writing that article? What would move the needle more, for your career, your team, your happiness and health?

Starting. Procrastination is one of the most common obstacles to Getting Stuff Done … so if we get good at starting, we’ll have conquered a huge obstacle. Starting is best done by focusing on the smallest first step, and practicing just launching into that. When I wanted to form the habit of running, I focused on just getting my shoes on and getting out the door. An art teacher I know tells students to just focus on getting the pencil to paper. Meditation teachers say to just get your butt on the cushion. Pick the tiniest first step, and launch into it.

Focus sessions. Switching to other things is also very common, so I’ve found huge value in focus sessions (also called the Pomodoro method by some). Basically, you pick a short interval (10 minutes, 15, 20, or 25) and practice focusing on one task during that session, until the timer goes off. Then take a break, and try another focus session. I recommend just doing a couple focus sessions a day for a week, and expand from there.

Managing task list. Choosing a todo program, finding the perfect system for it, and managing all your tasks and projects … it can be overwhelming. I know a lot of people who don’t even bother. But it’s a great skill for keeping yourself focused and Getting Stuff Done, and if you keep it simple, it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. I recommend picking just a simple todo program (lately I’ve been using Todoist, but I switch every now and then) and not overthinking it. The real skill is throwing all your tasks into your todo program (into the Inbox), and every day just picking a few tasks to focus on — I recommend 3 important tasks and 3 smaller ones per day. Your exact number will vary on how long you work, how hard the tasks are, how fast you are, etc. Once you have your tasks picked for the day, simply pick the first one and do a focus session with that task. It might take several focus sessions to get a task done.

Shitty first draft. Perfectionism gets in the way of Getting Stuff Done. So adopt the attitude of the Shitty First Draft, not worrying about perfection but just getting it out. Then go back and revise. But don’t overthink it, just focus on doing.

Being in uncertainty. There will be fear, uncertainty and discomfort in all of your work, and it’s a great skill to learn to be in uncertainty without running, avoiding, complaining, lashing out, hiding. The practice is to notice when you’re in uncertainty, when you’re feeling insecurity … and to just stop and be with it. Notice how it feels, physically, and be present with the feeling. Be gentle with the feeling, even friendly with it. Notice that you’re OK even when you’re in uncertainty and discomfort, and find gratitude for being in this moment. Love it just as it is, even with the feeling of insecurity. It takes practice!

Stepping back into the big picture. It’s one thing to be deeply focused on a task, but it’s another to step back and taking a look at the overall picture. I advocate doing that at the beginning and end of each day (a morning planning session and a brief evening review of your day) but also checking in during the day with how things are going and how you might need to adjust your plan and refocus yourself. We all get distracted, interrupted, waylaid by unforeseen difficulties. And those are all fine, if we can refocus ourselves as needed.

Taking full responsibility & leadership. This would be more of an advanced practice, but taking full responsibility means not blaming others for your difficulties in getting things done. Recognizing the obstacles but taking responsibility for finding a way, or accepting what needs to be accepted, or recognizing your part in the dynamic you’ve created. Taking leadership is taking responsibility for creating a better dynamic, creating structure if needed, even if you are the subordinate or not the official leader of the team.

Communicating. Another advanced skill — this is about communicating clearly and honestly, so that everyone is clear on responsibilities and boundaries and consequences of not honoring those responsibilities and boundaries. This kind of communication is leadership and structure, that helps everyone function better.

Creating structure. I do not advocate rigid structure and overplanning. It’s not conducive to Getting Stuff Done, and rigidly planned days are just a fantasy anyway. Instead, having a minimal structure is good: how will you start your day so that you’ll work on the important stuff? How will you do your focus sessions so you won’t be too distracted? How will you review your day so that you’ll learn from what happened? How will you create accountability? When will you get email done, and have meetings? Some simple answers to these kinds of questions helps you create structure. But don’t worry about getting structure perfect — if you have reviews, you can adjust and get better at creating structure over time.

It might feel overwhelming that there are 10 skills on this list — but you don’t have to get good at all of them at the same time. I would focus on the first four first, then expand slowly to practicing the others.

A Simple Program to Get Good at GSD

With all of the above in mind, let’s simplify things and create a five-step program for getting good at Getting Things Done:

Create a daily practice structure. Have a simple plan for practicing Getting Things Done — 1) a morning prioritization session; 2) a couple of daily focus sessions; 3) uncertainty meditation when you’re feeling fear, doubt, uncertainty and discomfort; and 4) a review at the end of the day to iterate and improve. Give this plan to someone else, and commit to reporting to them every day for a week. Then commit to updating them weekly after that, telling them your successes, obstacles and how you’ll adjust for the coming week. This daily structure plus accountability will help you get better over the coming weeks.

A morning task list session. This is part of your daily practice structure mentioned above, as are all of the items below. Basically, just spend 5-10 minutes going over your task list, and picking the tasks you want to focus on today. Keep it short, so you aren’t tempted to skip it. Look over what tasks are on your list, and move 3 important tasks and 3 admin tasks to your Today list (or whatever number works for you). This is the time to check your calendar to see if there are any appointments to account for. Basically, it’s a short planning and prioritization session, so you know what to focus on for today. Related skill: add things to your task list and calendar when you think of them!

Focus sessions. Use this to tackle the items on your Today list. Three important tasks on your today list? Pick the first one first (no putting it off!), and do a focus session with it. It might be a tough task, so just do 10-20 minutes of the task, as tiny a start as you can. In this way, you’re practicing starting and staying focused. Take a break when your timer goes off (after 15 minutes, let’s say), walk around, stretch. Then do another focus session, finishing the task if you can, or moving on to the next one if you are done with the first task. You can do the same kind of thing for less important tasks — a focus session for processing your email inbox or paying bills, for example.

Uncertainty meditation. This is a bit trickier to remember, but I believe you can do it if you put a visual reminder around you (like a little note to yourself) … basically, any time you’re feeling like shutting down, procrastinating, distracting yourself, etc. … notice that you’re feeling uncertainty. Then pause and do a meditation for just a few moments: drop your awareness into your body, notice the physical feelings of the uncertainty, open your heart to feeling it, notice that you’re OK in the middle of uncertainty, and stay with it with gentleness and friendliness for just a little longer. This kind of practice will transform your relationship with uncertainty, fear and discomfort — you won’t get rid of them (that’s not the goal), but will train yourself to be OK in the middle of them, without needing to run, avoid, shut down, control, exit or complain. That’s huge, and worth a little practice

Review: To iterate & improve. Each day, take 10 minutes to review how your day went. How did you do with your structure? Did you do your morning task list session? Your focus sessions? Your uncertainty meditation? Make a few notes, about what victories you had, what got in the way, how you can adjust going forward. If you have an accountability partner, send them a few lines with that review. Doing a short weekly review is a good idea too. These reviews serve as a way to understand what works for you and what patterns get in the way, and to adjust so that you’re constantly getting better and better over time.

Expand: Over time, the focus sessions, uncertainty meditation and other structure will get easier. Then try practicing some of the other skills above, including embracing the Shitty First Draft, taking full responsibility, working and communicating open-heartedly with others, improving your structure as needed.

OK! This little handbook, if put into practice, will take you a long way to getting better at Getting Stuff Done. But you have to put it into practice. Get an accountability partner so you don’t neglect the practice.

Take action. Enjoy the process. Be mindful in the middle of the chaos of your day. And don’t forget to appreciate the miracle of the day you’ve been given.

The Little Handbook for Getting Stuff Done published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[carltschweitzer]

The Little Handbook for Getting Stuff Done

By Leo Babauta

There’s a ton to be gained by getting good at Getting Stuff Done (GSD).

While I don’t think that productivity and efficiency is the answer to life, nor should it be your only focus … there are still a ton of benefits from Getting Stuff Done. A ton.

Some of the benefits:

You start accomplishing more

You begin to believe in yourself more

You waste less time procrastinating and distracting yourself

You become more trustable — when you tell people you’re going to get stuff done, they believe you

You become more hirable, as people love to hire someone who gets stuff done

You are less held back by this dimension of your life, which will allow you to go deeper in other areas — understanding what’s important, being curious, playing, learning, making deep connections with people, retraining old mental patterns that are getting in the way, and more

You start earning more

You might be able to found a successful startup or create a great organization

You might be able to spread your ideas further, as you prove yourself worthy of listening to (because you’ve accomplished something) and as you get the things done that need to be done to spread ideas, like writing a book or blog or giving a talk

And on and on. You get the benefits — you just want to know how to get better at Getting Stuff Done.

This is the guide for you. First we’ll look at the stuff that gets in the way. Then the skills you need to get good at to Get Stuff Done. Then how to get good at Getting Stuff Done.

Stuff That Gets in the Way

Executing is not difficult, if there are no obstacles. Just like moving great distances isn’t difficult if you don’t have gravity or things in the way.

So let’s look at the obstacles, before we look at how to get good at the skills.

These are the most common obstacles to Getting Stuff Done (with some recommended fixes):

Habit of putting off starting, because it’s uncomfortable. This is procrastination — you putt off starting a task because it’s hard or you’re feeling overwhelmed or uncertain about the task. The fix is to make the start as small as possible, create conditions that make you more likely to start, and then to practice starting over and over until you get good.

The switching habit. Maybe you get started, but then constantly switch to other tasks. This is for the same reasons as procrastination — discomfort and uncertainty make you want to do something else, so you go to an easier task or your favorite distractions. Switching, switching, switching, leads to a lack of focus and constant busyness. The fix: create focus sessions, where you practice staying focused on one task for a short period of time (10 minutes, 15 minutes, etc.) until you get better at staying, at least for a little while.

Perfectionism. You put off starting (or finishing) because conditions aren’t perfect, or the work isn’t perfect. For example, you want to start a blog but can’t until you find the perfect platform, perfect theme, perfect schedule, and have all the time you want, a list of great ideas, and a perfect understanding of how to be a great blogger. Good luck with that! Or you write a blog post or article but don’t publish it because it’s not perfect yet (hint: you’re just experiencing uncertainty). The fix: commit to starting imperfectly, just starting even if things are messy, creating that shitty first draft, and cleaning things up later. You might need some accountability to commit to this.

Other people. Other people frustrate you, holding things up with their delays, making things more complicated, complaining, messing things up, being irritating. In truth, it can be hard to get things done when you rely on other people. But this is often a rationalization. The fix: take complete responsibility for your part, get good at doing your part, and step into a bigger leadership role where you help the whole team succeed, stretching yourself to be positive and whole-hearted with other people despite their shortcomings.

Distractions & interruptions. You get pulled away by constant distractions and interruptions. Some of those are under your control, others aren’t. The fix: create focus sessions of distraction-free time, where you turn off the Internet or get a site blocker and commit to just focusing on one thing for a short while. Talk to others about interruptions during this time (tell them if you have headphones on, they shouldn’t interrupt you). Turn off notifications during this time (it might only be for 20 minutes at a time). Finally, practice dealing with interruptions (that you can’t control) by letting go of what you were doing, turning mindfully and gratefully to the person interrupting you and giving them your full attention, then returning to your task and giving it your full attention again. This takes practice.

Being tired. You’re tired, hungry, low on energy, frustrated, lonely. These kinds of difficulties can make it hard to focus and get things done. Fix: Recognize when you’re in one of these states, and do what you need to get recharged (a short nap, walk, or meditation might help). Or do tasks that don’t require great energy and focus (answering emails, doing routine admin tasks, etc.). If it’s a long-term problem, fix your sleep and eating.

Fear, uncertainty, feeling overwhelmed & self-doubt. Lying at the heart of most of the obstacles above are these mental conditions — fear and uncertainty, which are really the same thing. Fix: Getting good at staying in fear and uncertainty without needing to shut down, run, avoid, get in control or lash out (the usual responses), is a key skill. More on this below.

This might feel like an overwhelming list of obstacles. But the fixes are relatively simple, and I’ll talk more about how to put together a simple program for getting good at overcoming these obstacles, and getting good at Getting Stuff Done in the process.

First, let’s look more at the skills you want to get better at.

10 Skills to Get Good At

With our list of obstacles, we started to come up with some fixes … and they mostly have to do with skills that we want to get better at. Let’s look at those here:

Picking one important thing (prioritization). If you focus on important tasks a majority of the time, you’ll be getting stuff done. If you focus on getting the small stuff done but not the big stuff, or switch between tasks all the time, you’ll be less effective. It’s useful to pick one important thing to focus on at a time, learning over time what tasks and projects are of higher value to you than others. Is answering this email more important than writing that article? What would move the needle more, for your career, your team, your happiness and health?

Starting. Procrastination is one of the most common obstacles to Getting Stuff Done … so if we get good at starting, we’ll have conquered a huge obstacle. Starting is best done by focusing on the smallest first step, and practicing just launching into that. When I wanted to form the habit of running, I focused on just getting my shoes on and getting out the door. An art teacher I know tells students to just focus on getting the pencil to paper. Meditation teachers say to just get your butt on the cushion. Pick the tiniest first step, and launch into it.

Focus sessions. Switching to other things is also very common, so I’ve found huge value in focus sessions (also called the Pomodoro method by some). Basically, you pick a short interval (10 minutes, 15, 20, or 25) and practice focusing on one task during that session, until the timer goes off. Then take a break, and try another focus session. I recommend just doing a couple focus sessions a day for a week, and expand from there.

Managing task list. Choosing a todo program, finding the perfect system for it, and managing all your tasks and projects … it can be overwhelming. I know a lot of people who don’t even bother. But it’s a great skill for keeping yourself focused and Getting Stuff Done, and if you keep it simple, it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. I recommend picking just a simple todo program (lately I’ve been using Todoist, but I switch every now and then) and not overthinking it. The real skill is throwing all your tasks into your todo program (into the Inbox), and every day just picking a few tasks to focus on — I recommend 3 important tasks and 3 smaller ones per day. Your exact number will vary on how long you work, how hard the tasks are, how fast you are, etc. Once you have your tasks picked for the day, simply pick the first one and do a focus session with that task. It might take several focus sessions to get a task done.

Shitty first draft. Perfectionism gets in the way of Getting Stuff Done. So adopt the attitude of the Shitty First Draft, not worrying about perfection but just getting it out. Then go back and revise. But don’t overthink it, just focus on doing.

Being in uncertainty. There will be fear, uncertainty and discomfort in all of your work, and it’s a great skill to learn to be in uncertainty without running, avoiding, complaining, lashing out, hiding. The practice is to notice when you’re in uncertainty, when you’re feeling insecurity … and to just stop and be with it. Notice how it feels, physically, and be present with the feeling. Be gentle with the feeling, even friendly with it. Notice that you’re OK even when you’re in uncertainty and discomfort, and find gratitude for being in this moment. Love it just as it is, even with the feeling of insecurity. It takes practice!

Stepping back into the big picture. It’s one thing to be deeply focused on a task, but it’s another to step back and taking a look at the overall picture. I advocate doing that at the beginning and end of each day (a morning planning session and a brief evening review of your day) but also checking in during the day with how things are going and how you might need to adjust your plan and refocus yourself. We all get distracted, interrupted, waylaid by unforeseen difficulties. And those are all fine, if we can refocus ourselves as needed.

Taking full responsibility & leadership. This would be more of an advanced practice, but taking full responsibility means not blaming others for your difficulties in getting things done. Recognizing the obstacles but taking responsibility for finding a way, or accepting what needs to be accepted, or recognizing your part in the dynamic you’ve created. Taking leadership is taking responsibility for creating a better dynamic, creating structure if needed, even if you are the subordinate or not the official leader of the team.

Communicating. Another advanced skill — this is about communicating clearly and honestly, so that everyone is clear on responsibilities and boundaries and consequences of not honoring those responsibilities and boundaries. This kind of communication is leadership and structure, that helps everyone function better.

Creating structure. I do not advocate rigid structure and overplanning. It’s not conducive to Getting Stuff Done, and rigidly planned days are just a fantasy anyway. Instead, having a minimal structure is good: how will you start your day so that you’ll work on the important stuff? How will you do your focus sessions so you won’t be too distracted? How will you review your day so that you’ll learn from what happened? How will you create accountability? When will you get email done, and have meetings? Some simple answers to these kinds of questions helps you create structure. But don’t worry about getting structure perfect — if you have reviews, you can adjust and get better at creating structure over time.

It might feel overwhelming that there are 10 skills on this list — but you don’t have to get good at all of them at the same time. I would focus on the first four first, then expand slowly to practicing the others.

A Simple Program to Get Good at GSD

With all of the above in mind, let’s simplify things and create a five-step program for getting good at Getting Things Done:

Create a daily practice structure. Have a simple plan for practicing Getting Things Done — 1) a morning prioritization session; 2) a couple of daily focus sessions; 3) uncertainty meditation when you’re feeling fear, doubt, uncertainty and discomfort; and 4) a review at the end of the day to iterate and improve. Give this plan to someone else, and commit to reporting to them every day for a week. Then commit to updating them weekly after that, telling them your successes, obstacles and how you’ll adjust for the coming week. This daily structure plus accountability will help you get better over the coming weeks.

A morning task list session. This is part of your daily practice structure mentioned above, as are all of the items below. Basically, just spend 5-10 minutes going over your task list, and picking the tasks you want to focus on today. Keep it short, so you aren’t tempted to skip it. Look over what tasks are on your list, and move 3 important tasks and 3 admin tasks to your Today list (or whatever number works for you). This is the time to check your calendar to see if there are any appointments to account for. Basically, it’s a short planning and prioritization session, so you know what to focus on for today. Related skill: add things to your task list and calendar when you think of them!

Focus sessions. Use this to tackle the items on your Today list. Three important tasks on your today list? Pick the first one first (no putting it off!), and do a focus session with it. It might be a tough task, so just do 10-20 minutes of the task, as tiny a start as you can. In this way, you’re practicing starting and staying focused. Take a break when your timer goes off (after 15 minutes, let’s say), walk around, stretch. Then do another focus session, finishing the task if you can, or moving on to the next one if you are done with the first task. You can do the same kind of thing for less important tasks — a focus session for processing your email inbox or paying bills, for example.

Uncertainty meditation. This is a bit trickier to remember, but I believe you can do it if you put a visual reminder around you (like a little note to yourself) … basically, any time you’re feeling like shutting down, procrastinating, distracting yourself, etc. … notice that you’re feeling uncertainty. Then pause and do a meditation for just a few moments: drop your awareness into your body, notice the physical feelings of the uncertainty, open your heart to feeling it, notice that you’re OK in the middle of uncertainty, and stay with it with gentleness and friendliness for just a little longer. This kind of practice will transform your relationship with uncertainty, fear and discomfort — you won’t get rid of them (that’s not the goal), but will train yourself to be OK in the middle of them, without needing to run, avoid, shut down, control, exit or complain. That’s huge, and worth a little practice

Review: To iterate & improve. Each day, take 10 minutes to review how your day went. How did you do with your structure? Did you do your morning task list session? Your focus sessions? Your uncertainty meditation? Make a few notes, about what victories you had, what got in the way, how you can adjust going forward. If you have an accountability partner, send them a few lines with that review. Doing a short weekly review is a good idea too. These reviews serve as a way to understand what works for you and what patterns get in the way, and to adjust so that you’re constantly getting better and better over time.

Expand: Over time, the focus sessions, uncertainty meditation and other structure will get easier. Then try practicing some of the other skills above, including embracing the Shitty First Draft, taking full responsibility, working and communicating open-heartedly with others, improving your structure as needed.

OK! This little handbook, if put into practice, will take you a long way to getting better at Getting Stuff Done. But you have to put it into practice. Get an accountability partner so you don’t neglect the practice.

Take action. Enjoy the process. Be mindful in the middle of the chaos of your day. And don’t forget to appreciate the miracle of the day you’ve been given.

[cedarrrun]

By Leo Babauta

There’s a ton to be gained by getting good at Getting Stuff Done (GSD).

While I don’t think that productivity and efficiency is the answer to life, nor should it be your only focus … there are still a ton of benefits from Getting Stuff Done. A ton.

Some of the benefits:

You start accomplishing more

You begin to believe in yourself more

You waste less time procrastinating and distracting yourself

You become more trustable — when you tell people you’re going to get stuff done, they believe you

You become more hirable, as people love to hire someone who gets stuff done

You are less held back by this dimension of your life, which will allow you to go deeper in other areas — understanding what’s important, being curious, playing, learning, making deep connections with people, retraining old mental patterns that are getting in the way, and more

You start earning more

You might be able to found a successful startup or create a great organization

You might be able to spread your ideas further, as you prove yourself worthy of listening to (because you’ve accomplished something) and as you get the things done that need to be done to spread ideas, like writing a book or blog or giving a talk

And on and on. You get the benefits — you just want to know how to get better at Getting Stuff Done.

This is the guide for you. First we’ll look at the stuff that gets in the way. Then the skills you need to get good at to Get Stuff Done. Then how to get good at Getting Stuff Done.

Stuff That Gets in the Way

Executing is not difficult, if there are no obstacles. Just like moving great distances isn’t difficult if you don’t have gravity or things in the way.

So let’s look at the obstacles, before we look at how to get good at the skills.

These are the most common obstacles to Getting Stuff Done (with some recommended fixes):

Habit of putting off starting, because it’s uncomfortable. This is procrastination — you putt off starting a task because it’s hard or you’re feeling overwhelmed or uncertain about the task. The fix is to make the start as small as possible, create conditions that make you more likely to start, and then to practice starting over and over until you get good.

The switching habit. Maybe you get started, but then constantly switch to other tasks. This is for the same reasons as procrastination — discomfort and uncertainty make you want to do something else, so you go to an easier task or your favorite distractions. Switching, switching, switching, leads to a lack of focus and constant busyness. The fix: create focus sessions, where you practice staying focused on one task for a short period of time (10 minutes, 15 minutes, etc.) until you get better at staying, at least for a little while.

Perfectionism. You put off starting (or finishing) because conditions aren’t perfect, or the work isn’t perfect. For example, you want to start a blog but can’t until you find the perfect platform, perfect theme, perfect schedule, and have all the time you want, a list of great ideas, and a perfect understanding of how to be a great blogger. Good luck with that! Or you write a blog post or article but don’t publish it because it’s not perfect yet (hint: you’re just experiencing uncertainty). The fix: commit to starting imperfectly, just starting even if things are messy, creating that shitty first draft, and cleaning things up later. You might need some accountability to commit to this.

Other people. Other people frustrate you, holding things up with their delays, making things more complicated, complaining, messing things up, being irritating. In truth, it can be hard to get things done when you rely on other people. But this is often a rationalization. The fix: take complete responsibility for your part, get good at doing your part, and step into a bigger leadership role where you help the whole team succeed, stretching yourself to be positive and whole-hearted with other people despite their shortcomings.

Distractions & interruptions. You get pulled away by constant distractions and interruptions. Some of those are under your control, others aren’t. The fix: create focus sessions of distraction-free time, where you turn off the Internet or get a site blocker and commit to just focusing on one thing for a short while. Talk to others about interruptions during this time (tell them if you have headphones on, they shouldn’t interrupt you). Turn off notifications during this time (it might only be for 20 minutes at a time). Finally, practice dealing with interruptions (that you can’t control) by letting go of what you were doing, turning mindfully and gratefully to the person interrupting you and giving them your full attention, then returning to your task and giving it your full attention again. This takes practice.

Being tired. You’re tired, hungry, low on energy, frustrated, lonely. These kinds of difficulties can make it hard to focus and get things done. Fix: Recognize when you’re in one of these states, and do what you need to get recharged (a short nap, walk, or meditation might help). Or do tasks that don’t require great energy and focus (answering emails, doing routine admin tasks, etc.). If it’s a long-term problem, fix your sleep and eating.

Fear, uncertainty, feeling overwhelmed & self-doubt. Lying at the heart of most of the obstacles above are these mental conditions — fear and uncertainty, which are really the same thing. Fix: Getting good at staying in fear and uncertainty without needing to shut down, run, avoid, get in control or lash out (the usual responses), is a key skill. More on this below.

This might feel like an overwhelming list of obstacles. But the fixes are relatively simple, and I’ll talk more about how to put together a simple program for getting good at overcoming these obstacles, and getting good at Getting Stuff Done in the process.

First, let’s look more at the skills you want to get better at.

10 Skills to Get Good At

With our list of obstacles, we started to come up with some fixes … and they mostly have to do with skills that we want to get better at. Let’s look at those here:

Picking one important thing (prioritization). If you focus on important tasks a majority of the time, you’ll be getting stuff done. If you focus on getting the small stuff done but not the big stuff, or switch between tasks all the time, you’ll be less effective. It’s useful to pick one important thing to focus on at a time, learning over time what tasks and projects are of higher value to you than others. Is answering this email more important than writing that article? What would move the needle more, for your career, your team, your happiness and health?

Starting. Procrastination is one of the most common obstacles to Getting Stuff Done … so if we get good at starting, we’ll have conquered a huge obstacle. Starting is best done by focusing on the smallest first step, and practicing just launching into that. When I wanted to form the habit of running, I focused on just getting my shoes on and getting out the door. An art teacher I know tells students to just focus on getting the pencil to paper. Meditation teachers say to just get your butt on the cushion. Pick the tiniest first step, and launch into it.

Focus sessions. Switching to other things is also very common, so I’ve found huge value in focus sessions (also called the Pomodoro method by some). Basically, you pick a short interval (10 minutes, 15, 20, or 25) and practice focusing on one task during that session, until the timer goes off. Then take a break, and try another focus session. I recommend just doing a couple focus sessions a day for a week, and expand from there.

Managing task list. Choosing a todo program, finding the perfect system for it, and managing all your tasks and projects … it can be overwhelming. I know a lot of people who don’t even bother. But it’s a great skill for keeping yourself focused and Getting Stuff Done, and if you keep it simple, it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. I recommend picking just a simple todo program (lately I’ve been using Todoist, but I switch every now and then) and not overthinking it. The real skill is throwing all your tasks into your todo program (into the Inbox), and every day just picking a few tasks to focus on — I recommend 3 important tasks and 3 smaller ones per day. Your exact number will vary on how long you work, how hard the tasks are, how fast you are, etc. Once you have your tasks picked for the day, simply pick the first one and do a focus session with that task. It might take several focus sessions to get a task done.

Shitty first draft. Perfectionism gets in the way of Getting Stuff Done. So adopt the attitude of the Shitty First Draft, not worrying about perfection but just getting it out. Then go back and revise. But don’t overthink it, just focus on doing.

Being in uncertainty. There will be fear, uncertainty and discomfort in all of your work, and it’s a great skill to learn to be in uncertainty without running, avoiding, complaining, lashing out, hiding. The practice is to notice when you’re in uncertainty, when you’re feeling insecurity … and to just stop and be with it. Notice how it feels, physically, and be present with the feeling. Be gentle with the feeling, even friendly with it. Notice that you’re OK even when you’re in uncertainty and discomfort, and find gratitude for being in this moment. Love it just as it is, even with the feeling of insecurity. It takes practice!

Stepping back into the big picture. It’s one thing to be deeply focused on a task, but it’s another to step back and taking a look at the overall picture. I advocate doing that at the beginning and end of each day (a morning planning session and a brief evening review of your day) but also checking in during the day with how things are going and how you might need to adjust your plan and refocus yourself. We all get distracted, interrupted, waylaid by unforeseen difficulties. And those are all fine, if we can refocus ourselves as needed.

Taking full responsibility & leadership. This would be more of an advanced practice, but taking full responsibility means not blaming others for your difficulties in getting things done. Recognizing the obstacles but taking responsibility for finding a way, or accepting what needs to be accepted, or recognizing your part in the dynamic you’ve created. Taking leadership is taking responsibility for creating a better dynamic, creating structure if needed, even if you are the subordinate or not the official leader of the team.

Communicating. Another advanced skill — this is about communicating clearly and honestly, so that everyone is clear on responsibilities and boundaries and consequences of not honoring those responsibilities and boundaries. This kind of communication is leadership and structure, that helps everyone function better.

Creating structure. I do not advocate rigid structure and overplanning. It’s not conducive to Getting Stuff Done, and rigidly planned days are just a fantasy anyway. Instead, having a minimal structure is good: how will you start your day so that you’ll work on the important stuff? How will you do your focus sessions so you won’t be too distracted? How will you review your day so that you’ll learn from what happened? How will you create accountability? When will you get email done, and have meetings? Some simple answers to these kinds of questions helps you create structure. But don’t worry about getting structure perfect — if you have reviews, you can adjust and get better at creating structure over time.

It might feel overwhelming that there are 10 skills on this list — but you don’t have to get good at all of them at the same time. I would focus on the first four first, then expand slowly to practicing the others.

A Simple Program to Get Good at GSD

With all of the above in mind, let’s simplify things and create a five-step program for getting good at Getting Things Done:

Create a daily practice structure. Have a simple plan for practicing Getting Things Done — 1) a morning prioritization session; 2) a couple of daily focus sessions; 3) uncertainty meditation when you’re feeling fear, doubt, uncertainty and discomfort; and 4) a review at the end of the day to iterate and improve. Give this plan to someone else, and commit to reporting to them every day for a week. Then commit to updating them weekly after that, telling them your successes, obstacles and how you’ll adjust for the coming week. This daily structure plus accountability will help you get better over the coming weeks.

A morning task list session. This is part of your daily practice structure mentioned above, as are all of the items below. Basically, just spend 5-10 minutes going over your task list, and picking the tasks you want to focus on today. Keep it short, so you aren’t tempted to skip it. Look over what tasks are on your list, and move 3 important tasks and 3 admin tasks to your Today list (or whatever number works for you). This is the time to check your calendar to see if there are any appointments to account for. Basically, it’s a short planning and prioritization session, so you know what to focus on for today. Related skill: add things to your task list and calendar when you think of them!

Focus sessions. Use this to tackle the items on your Today list. Three important tasks on your today list? Pick the first one first (no putting it off!), and do a focus session with it. It might be a tough task, so just do 10-20 minutes of the task, as tiny a start as you can. In this way, you’re practicing starting and staying focused. Take a break when your timer goes off (after 15 minutes, let’s say), walk around, stretch. Then do another focus session, finishing the task if you can, or moving on to the next one if you are done with the first task. You can do the same kind of thing for less important tasks — a focus session for processing your email inbox or paying bills, for example.

Uncertainty meditation. This is a bit trickier to remember, but I believe you can do it if you put a visual reminder around you (like a little note to yourself) … basically, any time you’re feeling like shutting down, procrastinating, distracting yourself, etc. … notice that you’re feeling uncertainty. Then pause and do a meditation for just a few moments: drop your awareness into your body, notice the physical feelings of the uncertainty, open your heart to feeling it, notice that you’re OK in the middle of uncertainty, and stay with it with gentleness and friendliness for just a little longer. This kind of practice will transform your relationship with uncertainty, fear and discomfort — you won’t get rid of them (that’s not the goal), but will train yourself to be OK in the middle of them, without needing to run, avoid, shut down, control, exit or complain. That’s huge, and worth a little practice

Review: To iterate & improve. Each day, take 10 minutes to review how your day went. How did you do with your structure? Did you do your morning task list session? Your focus sessions? Your uncertainty meditation? Make a few notes, about what victories you had, what got in the way, how you can adjust going forward. If you have an accountability partner, send them a few lines with that review. Doing a short weekly review is a good idea too. These reviews serve as a way to understand what works for you and what patterns get in the way, and to adjust so that you’re constantly getting better and better over time.

Expand: Over time, the focus sessions, uncertainty meditation and other structure will get easier. Then try practicing some of the other skills above, including embracing the Shitty First Draft, taking full responsibility, working and communicating open-heartedly with others, improving your structure as needed.

OK! This little handbook, if put into practice, will take you a long way to getting better at Getting Stuff Done. But you have to put it into practice. Get an accountability partner so you don’t neglect the practice.

Take action. Enjoy the process. Be mindful in the middle of the chaos of your day. And don’t forget to appreciate the miracle of the day you’ve been given.

[pamelahetrick]

6 steps to help you move past perfectionism

Do you seek praise and approval from the people around you?

Is it difficult for you to accept being second best?

Do you often sacrifice your own well-being in order to complete a task perfectly?

Are you generally stressed and anxious?

If you’ve answered yes to more than three of the questions above, chances are that you’re a perfectionist.

I feel your pain.

I know the anguish that lurks beneath the polished veneer of perfectionism. I understand the hours that you have given to making each and every project perfect. I get it because I’m a reformed perfectionist. After years of stressing myself out trying to get everything just right, I came to a significant realization: trying to be perfect all the time was making me a very unhappy human.

My perfectionism peaked in art school. As a student I would spend too many hours working on projects with work often rolling into the weekends. I also had a tendency to be unrealistic about what I could accomplish in a given time frame or within the limits of my skill set.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Like that one time I turned a simple CD cover design assignment into a sewing disaster. We were asked to create a cover for The Arctic Monkeys song I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor. Simple enough, right? Not for me. I decided to stitch together fabric from a pair of shiny hot pants and material from a pair of jeans. Together they would form the outer case of the CD cover and would open with a zipper. But there was one complication: I had no sewing experience. I spent an entire weekend wailing over a sewing machine, cursing my design concept and snapping at my poor family. Eventually I enlisted the help some fashion designer friends, got a crash course in stitchery and finished the project at the last hour.

Perfectionism can’t make peace with the concept of “good enough.” And since perfection is ultimately unattainable—nothing’s perfect, right?— it never leads to a true sense of fulfillment. When you’re in that place it’s impossible for creativity to flow.

Thankfully, you don’t have to live like this anymore. There are simple steps you can take to move past the need to be perfect and into a space of creativity and exploration.

Here’s how!

Illustration by Sarah Healy

1. Create a jar of awesome —

Yes, this is indeed as awesome as it sounds. This is an idea I learned from author Tim Ferriss. Perfectionists often neglect to give themselves praise for good work or to celebrate their victories. This invention seeks to celebrate all of your achievements regardless of how big or small they may be.

To create your jaw of awesome, simply:

Find a suitable vessel for your awesomeness (think: mason jar or shoebox)

Create a bright and inspiring label for your jar clearly stating that this is indeed a jar of awesome

Each time you experience a win (i.e.: meeting a deadline, trying out a new tool or technique, receiving positive feedback from a colleague or client, adhering to a regimen of self care, etc.) write it down on a piece of paper and pop it into the jar of awesome

Remember to take a moment to bask in the glow of achieving something awesome!

The next time you sense the looming shadow of perfectionism—this may look like harsh criticism of yourself or doubt in your abilities—open up your jar and get inspired by your awesomeness.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

2. Take a step back —

I always feel a certain degree of stress when a deadline looms on the horizon, yet I know the best thing I can do in this scenario is… nothing. Moving away from the project may seem counterproductive, but I’ve found that it helps me accomplish my goals.

So, take a step back. Breathe. And do nothing. Or at least nothing that pertains to your work. Go for a walk, head to the gym, read a book or play or listen to music. Choose an activity to jolt you out of work mode. For me it was the treadmill. While writing this article I did some work and then walked away. The next morning while on the treadmill, words started to pulse through my mind. I jumped off the machine and began furiously scribbling in my notebook. (I carry a notebook with me everywhere—you never know when inspiration will strike).

I find giving projects the chance to breathe supports the creative process, which generates more ideas. Productivity and creativity do not reside in cramped, stressful quarters. Create some space!

Illustration by Sarah Healy

3. Become a time management ninja —

A perfectionist will work tirelessly on a project until it is perfect. This is not realistic, especially when faced with a looming deadline.

Allocating a specific amount of time for a project forces you to be more productive. When we have too much time we tend to squander it by procrastinating and before we know it we’re up all night racing to meet a deadline.

Create boundaries for yourself by sticking to your own set of internal timelines. This kind of structure will give you more creative freedom in the long run.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

4. Stay focused on the big picture —

This one is connected to number 3, with additional emphasis on staying focused on the end goal. It is easy to get lost in the details of a creative project and lose sight of the end goal or big picture—which is completing the project!

When I first began as a designer I was very much guilty of this. I would spend far too much time getting lost in meticulous details. This level of perfectionist behavior can hurt a project. The truth is that you could work endlessly on a project trying to make it perfect. A deadline saves your sanity—and the project—by giving you a goal to meet. Tell yourself that everything needs to be completed to the best of your ability within a specified time frame.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

5. Don’t be afraid to fail (i.e. fail spectacularly!) —

I am a big fan of the great stoic masters like Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius and Greek philosopher Epictetus. I believe a lot of wisdom can be gleaned from their words, in particular their timeless guidance tor overcoming perfectionism. They view perfectionism as an extreme way of thinking which can lead to depression and frustration—never satisfaction or happiness.

In order to overcome perfectionism, they suggest embracing pragmatism. Pragmatism encourages action, the very thing perfectionism interrupts.

Epictetus emphasizes this by saying:

We’re never going to be perfect — if there is even such a thing. We’re human, after all. Our pursuits should be aimed at progress, no matter how much it’s possible for us to make.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

6. Cultivate self-acceptance —

I will let you in on a little secret: you’re not perfect. Neither am I. Nobody is. Once I accepted this fact, it freed me. I was no longer a puppet controlled by perfectionism. I was uninhibited and could finally create authentic work. I rediscovered the joy of creating and became much happier.

The root of perfectionism lies in the belief that we are not good enough. Self-acceptance is a key step to moving beyond the need to be perfect and embarking on a happier path.

Go forth and be your wonderful imperfect self.

About the author

Sarah Healy is a freelance writer, designer, and adventurer. She has worked in animation studios creating award winning apps, and for large corporations helping them to tell their unique story through branding and visual creations. She can usually be found competing in ultra-marathons or undertaking crazy bike expeditions and is currently traversing Australia with little more than a backpack and a smile.

Have you struggled with perfectionism? Share your top tips for moving past perfectionism with us in the comments below!

The post 6 steps to help you move past perfectionism appeared first on 99designs.

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One of the most potent strategies for reaching a goal is to identify the obstacles ahead of time and to develop a plan to address each before they are encountered. We want to be optimistic, but we don’t want to be a naive optimist. The naive optimist ignores the obstacles in their way and believes that they will not confront any challenges while striving to accomplish their goal. The realistic optimist believes in their ability to accomplish their goal despite the obstacles in their way. They acknowledge and prepare for the obstacles which makes them much more likely to achieve their goal. We want to have faith in our ability to overcome obstacles, not naively believe we won’t encounter them.

Research shows that predicting how and when you might be tempted to break a resolution increases the chances that you will keep it.[i]When you are working on developing a daily discipline, ask yourself: “When am I most likely to be tempted to give in? What situation is most likely to get me sidetracked? What excuses will I give myself to procrastinate?” Once you have such a scenario mapped out in your mind, imagine yourself in that situation, what it will feel like, and what you might be thinking?  If we are struggling to form a habit, it shouldn’t be difficult to imagine what situations will cause us to slip off our path, because these situations must have occurred for us to be struggling with forming the habit now.If you enjoyed this article, please LIKE and SHARE. 

Why is imagining the situations that will cause us to fail such a useful tool for overcoming our willpower challenges? It’s because once we have identified them, we can anticipate them and develop a plan to either avoid the situation or mitigate the temptation. When you have a definite strategy in mind, imagine yourself doing it. Envision what it will feel like to succeed. The more you mentally rehearse your plan, the more likely you are to execute it successfully when the temptation confronts you.

While planning missions in the military, two things were drilled into us. The first was to keep our plans as simple as possible by avoiding unnecessary complexity. We were taught the acronym KISS, “Keep it simple, stupid.” Simple plans are easier to execute. Complexity is the enemy of execution. The second was to rehearse, rehearse, and rehearse. The simpler your plan is, and the more you rehearse it, the better you will execute your plan. Execution is critical. Plans do not produce results unless you execute them.

Gabriele Oettingen a clinical psychologist and author of Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation, found that regardless of the goal, weight loss, obtaining a high-paying job after college, finding your soul mate, or recovering from hip replacement surgery, being a realistic optimist dramatically increases your odds of success. Realistic optimist recognizes the pitfalls that lay in front of them and develop a plan to address them. They don’t overestimate their ability to overcome challenges through willpower alone. They shape their environment and create if-then plans to shape their behavior. Realistic optimists have meals ready to eat in their freezer, they submit more job applications, they exercise more courage to meet potential romantic partners, and they create daily routines around rehabilitation exercises.[ii]

We must believe in ourselves, but one of the worst things we can do is underestimate the challenges we must overcome or overestimate our finite and fickle abilities to overcome them. Presuming that our willpower will always be adequate to the challenge of overcoming every temptation is folly. We need to recognize the challenges before we encounter them and develop a plan, based on proven strategies, to overcome those challenges. We should seek the advice of people that have done it.

Everyone struggles with procrastination, laziness, and overcoming distractions to make progress toward their goals. The bigger the goal, the more likely we are to be intimidated by it. The more likely we’ll be to procrastinate. When a reporter asked Earnest Hemmingway how he set about writing a novel, he replied, “First you defrost the refrigerator.” While I am no Hemmingway, the task of writing a book can seem overwhelming. To prevent the enormity of the task overwhelming me, I focus on writing the next paragraph or outlining the next chapter. A beautiful book about the joys, struggles, and rewards of writing is Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird. She describes writing as a gritty endeavor that requires courage to overcome procrastination born out of perfectionism to produce that “shitty first draft.” She says, “Perfectionism is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist’s true friend.”

Her book’s title reminds me to focus on taking that next small step to produce that shitty first draft. I remember the story of Anne Lamott’s brother for which the book is titled. She recounts the story in her book: “Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he’d had three months to write, which was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother’s shoulder, and said, “Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.” Her father’s simple advice is something we can all use as a tool to stop procrastinating and take one small step, and then another.

It is a common mistake to think that our weaknesses are unique to us. They aren’t. Many of us wrongly believe that our weakness of willpower reveals a profound flaw in our character. It doesn’t. Frailties and imperfections are common. It is part of what it means to be human. They are so common that we marvel at and celebrate those that can overcome them. Weakness is a part of the human condition. We need to understand our limitations and develop effective strategies for coping with them. We all struggle with willpower, but most of us never seek a better understanding of it. The better we understand our human frailties, the better we can manage them to overcome our willpower challenges.

The only way to beat procrastination is to overcome the mental obstacles to starting. Marla Cilley, the creator of the 5-Minute Room Rescue, found an ingenious way to help us overcome procrastination. She suggests you commit to five minutes of work. For example, tell yourself, “All I am asking for is a five-minute commitment, after that we can stop.” Of course, after starting it is much easier to keep going. This same tactic can be applied to performing a workout when you just are not feeling it. Tell yourself, “let’s get changed, grab a cup of coffee, and warm-up for five minutes, and if we still are not feeling it, we can quit.” Once you get started, it is unlikely you won’t be able to finish the workout.

We have one brain but two minds. One mind is motivated by base instincts and strong emotions, the other is logic driven and focused on our long-term goals. Emotions are powerful. Overcoming them through sheer force of will is very taxing and can deplete our willpower reserves quickly, leaving us more vulnerable to the next temptation. Shrinking the commitment, by asking for only 5-minutes of work is a very effective strategy for overcoming our feelings. The more consistently we can overcome our emotions to do what is in line with our long-term goals the more successful we will be.

Consistency is the key to making progress. John Maxwell’s Power of Five provides a great example of the power of small persistent actions. He asks what would happen if you had a large tree on your property and you committed to taking five swings at it each day? The answer is always the same; the tree will eventually fall. It doesn’t matter how large the tree is. He has written over 70 successful books using the Power of Five. We are often intimidated by the large trees in our life, but if we just committed toward doing a little each day, instead of being overwhelmed by them we would achieve incredible results.

When it comes to writing, I subscribe to Steven King’s philosophy, “Don’t wait for the muse. As I’ve said, he’s a hardheaded guy who’s not susceptible to much creative fluttering. This isn’t the Ouija board or the spirit-world we’re talking about here, but just another job like laying pipe or driving long-haul trucks. Your job is to make sure the muse knows where you’re going to be every day from nine ’til noon or seven ’til three. If he does know, I assure you that sooner or later he’ll start showing up.” I keep showing up. The worst thing we could do is judge ourselves too harshly and believe our weakness of willpower reveals a unique flaw in our character instead of what it is, ordinary human frailty.

The three most important things to understand about willpower is: (1) we need to get adequate sleep each night to begin the day with the maximum amount of willpower (2) our willpower depletes as our day progresses, and (3) the more self-control we are forced to exercise, the faster the rate of depletion. Stress and fatigue are the enemies of willpower. If you wake-up each morning tired, you’re already starting the day at a willpower disadvantage. Most people need at least 7.5 to 8.5 hours of sleep each day. Since our willpower is greatest at the beginning of each day, that would be the best time to schedule the tasks that require the most willpower. You’ll also find you have a lot fewer interruptions in the morning. The last strategy and perhaps the most important is to avoid taxing our willpower unnecessarily. We want to shape our environment to promote positive habits and discourage negative ones.

I have made writing a daily a habit, so it doesn’t require much willpower anymore. It is just a part of my day. Most times I can block out distractions and my ideas flow. Sometimes I cannot, but I keep showing up, determined and excited to make whatever little bit of progress I can make each day with the time that I can set aside. I write in the early morning hours because the rest of my day is filled with personal and professional commitments. I know that if I keep plugging away, I will eventually complete this book and the other books I have already outlined. The key to finishing is to develop the habit of starting again each day. I don’t rely on willpower to write each day; I rely on my morning schedule. I don’t struggle with the decision. I look at the clock, and when it says 4:30 AM, my mind says it is time to write. Routines reap results because they don’t rely on willpower, that fickle friend that is never there for you when you need him. Disciplined habits are our best friends. “A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labors of a spasmodic Hercules.” Anthony Trollope

The more we rely on willpower as our strategy for success, the less likely we are to achieve our goals. The problem with willpower is that it depletes as the day progresses and leaves us naked to temptation. It is more useful to shape our environment to reduce temptations and distractions than to rely on willpower and grit. When we overestimate our willpower, we unnecessarily expose ourselves to people, situations, and environments that will tempt us to break our resolutions. “Research shows that people who think they have the most willpower are actually the most likely to lose control when tempted. For example, smokers who are the most optimistic about their ability to resist temptation are the most likely to relapse four months later, and overoptimistic dieters are the least likely to lose weight. Why? They fail to predict when, where, and why they will give in. They expose themselves to more temptation,” Kelly McGonigal.

Ronald Amundsen

The 1909 race to the South Pole illustrates the necessity to identify the challenges ahead of you, learn from the success of those who have gone before you, and not to rely too heavily on grit and determination to push through whatever obstacles you encounter. Two teams took-up the challenge of being the first to reach the South Pole. One group was led by British Naval Officer Robert Scott and the other lead by Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen.

Amundsen gave his people the best possible equipment, and paced their journey to ensured he gave his men plenty of time to rest along the route. Scott’s team was ill-equipped. Inadequate clothes lead to frostbite, and poor goggles lead to snow blindness. Amundsen used dogs to haul their provisions, while Scott used untried motorized sleds which quickly failed, forcing his men to carry their provisions on sleds.

At the South Pole: Wilson (left), Scott, Oates (standing); Bowers and Evans (sitting)

Scott pushed on and ultimately made it to the South Pole, albeit one month behind Amundsen’s team. Tragically, no one on Scott’s team would survive the journey back, while Amundsen’s team returned with no severe maladies. There are many reasons for the radically different outcomes, but ultimately it was Scott’s overconfidence in the grit and resilience of his team that caused him to underestimate the difficulty of their journey. His dying words illustrate this point. “Had we lived, I should have had a tale to tell of the hardihood, endurance, and courage of my companions which would have stirred the heart of every Englishman. These rough notes and our dead bodies must tell the tale.”[iii]

I don’t want to diminish their courageous act of perseverance, but merely wish to point out that it could have been avoided. Scott could have given his team a better chance of success if he had better identify the challenges and better understood the limits of human endurance. This program offers tools to make your journey more manageable, but certainly not effortless. You will have to demonstrate some grit and willpower, but much less than if you didn’t use the proper strategies. The mistake I want us to avoid making is relying too heavily on willpower.

A plan that relies too heavily on willpower is doomed to failure. We are foolish to subject ourselves to temptation needlessly. Willpower is a fickle thing that often leaves us during our time of greatest need. As Shakespeare put it, “we are devils to ourselves, when we will tempt the frailty of our powers.”[iv] We shouldn’t tempt fate by relying on willpower when an effective strategy could reduce or eliminate the need for willpower. The proven strategies contained in this program will give you the greatest odds of success. Why make your journey any more difficult than it needs to be? The best use of our willpower is the implementation of strategies to reduce our need to exercise it.

The distance between our goals and where we are is the journey before us. When we choose to spend time with people that exhibit negative attitudes and behaviors, we are deciding to put rocks in our backpack. If we are trying to eat healthier but choose to stock our pantry with junk food, we are choosing to make our journey harder. We are consciously choosing to put pebbles in our shoes. Many people say they don’t want to deprive their kids, of what exactly I don’t know, a lifetime of sugar addiction? I believe desserts should be an occasional treat, not a daily indulgence.

These rocks and pebbles won’t produce an immediate failure, but they will make failure inevitable. The extra weight will slow your progress, and the pebbles will grind away at your resolve with each step you take; until you eventually give up. When your willpower finally gives out, you’ll blame it for your lack of success, instead of your decision to expose yourself to the temptations unnecessarily. You are going to need grit and willpower, just like Amundsen’s team surely did to successfully navigate the South Pole, but they combined it with the right tools and strategies.

Save your limited willpower for the temptations you cannot avoid, instead of putting more in your path. You are going to be tempted at the office to eat the donuts, cookies, and birthday cakes on a regular basis. Our supply of willpower can vary significantly from day to day depending on how stressful our day has been. This is especially true as the day wears on, and our ability to exert willpower is depleted to almost nothing. If we get adequate sleep each night, we begin the day with a willpower reservoir that is fully restored like your cellphone battery. The more we use it throughout the day, the quicker it depletes. Ever notice that most of our bad habits occur late at night?

That is because our willpower has evaporated and all we are left with is our desire to seek instant gratification and relief from our stressful day. Shaping your environment by eliminating the temptations you will encounter in the evening is the most effective strategy you can adopt. The next most effective technique is establishing an evening ritual that supports your goals. Habits conserve our willpower because they don’t require our conscious mind to decide what to do. The decision is made automatic through repetition. Our primitive mind encounters the cue and executes the routine automatically.

Change agents often find that what appears to be a people problem is a situation problem. Instead of taking on the difficult task of changing our behavior through willpower, we can often tweak our environment and make change happen painlessly. Instead of relying on workers following proper procedures, safety engineers install guards and controls to prevent workers from taking shortcuts that put themselves at risk. They do this because they know that it is easier to tweak the environment; rather than to force 100% compliance with proper procedure as workers become overconfident and complacent.

I hope you’ll decide to become an optimistic realist. I hope I have convinced you that we cannot ignore the challenges in front of us or imagine a future in which they won’t exist. We must develop a plan that relies less on willpower and more on structuring our environment to make good habits easier and bad habits more difficult. Our environment profoundly influences our behavior, so it is only logical that we would want to shape it to promote good habits and discourage bad ones.

A realistic optimist anticipates the challenges that are outside their control so they can develop and rehearse a simple plan to address them. If you are struggling to exercise five days a week consistently, I want you to first ask yourself “why am I NOT going to train five days this week?” Then I want you to develop a plan that will allow you to overcome the excuses. Optimism is an excellent source of motivation, but naïve optimism is a recipe for failure that ends in bitter disappointment. I want you to believe in yourself, but I want that believe to be based on the world as it is, and not based on the world as you would wish it to be. I want you to be a realistic optimist.

Best wishes and best health!

[i] Kelly McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It, Avery; Reprint edition (December 31, 2013)

[ii] Heidi Grant, Be an Optimist Without Being a Fool, Harvard Business Review, MAY 02, 2011

[iii] John C. Maxwell, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, HarperCollins Leadership; Revised & Updated edition (September 16, 2007)

[iv] William Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida Translation, Act 4, Scene 4

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Don't make the mistake of being a naive optimist. Research shows that predicting how and when you might be tempted to break a resolution increases the chances that you will keep it. Learn more. If you enjoy this article, please LIKE, SHARE, and follow us on Facebook. One of the most potent strategies for reaching a goal is to identify the obstacles ahead of time and to develop a plan to address each before they are encountered…

[myongfisher]

6 steps to help you move past perfectionism

Do you seek praise and approval from the people around you?

Is it difficult for you to accept being second best?

Do you often sacrifice your own well-being in order to complete a task perfectly?

Are you generally stressed and anxious?

If you’ve answered yes to more than three of the questions above, chances are that you’re a perfectionist.

I feel your pain.

I know the anguish that lurks beneath the polished veneer of perfectionism. I understand the hours that you have given to making each and every project perfect. I get it because I’m a reformed perfectionist. After years of stressing myself out trying to get everything just right, I came to a significant realization: trying to be perfect all the time was making me a very unhappy human.

My perfectionism peaked in art school. As a student I would spend too many hours working on projects with work often rolling into the weekends. I also had a tendency to be unrealistic about what I could accomplish in a given time frame or within the limits of my skill set.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

Like that one time I turned a simple CD cover design assignment into a sewing disaster. We were asked to create a cover for The Arctic Monkeys song I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor. Simple enough, right? Not for me. I decided to stitch together fabric from a pair of shiny hot pants and material from a pair of jeans. Together they would form the outer case of the CD cover and would open with a zipper. But there was one complication: I had no sewing experience. I spent an entire weekend wailing over a sewing machine, cursing my design concept and snapping at my poor family. Eventually I enlisted the help some fashion designer friends, got a crash course in stitchery and finished the project at the last hour.

Perfectionism can’t make peace with the concept of “good enough.” And since perfection is ultimately unattainable—nothing’s perfect, right?— it never leads to a true sense of fulfillment. When you’re in that place it’s impossible for creativity to flow.

Thankfully, you don’t have to live like this anymore. There are simple steps you can take to move past the need to be perfect and into a space of creativity and exploration.

Here’s how!

Illustration by Sarah Healy

1. Create a jar of awesome —

Yes, this is indeed as awesome as it sounds. This is an idea I learned from author Tim Ferriss. Perfectionists often neglect to give themselves praise for good work or to celebrate their victories. This invention seeks to celebrate all of your achievements regardless of how big or small they may be.

To create your jaw of awesome, simply:

Find a suitable vessel for your awesomeness (think: mason jar or shoebox)

Create a bright and inspiring label for your jar clearly stating that this is indeed a jar of awesome

Each time you experience a win (i.e.: meeting a deadline, trying out a new tool or technique, receiving positive feedback from a colleague or client, adhering to a regimen of self care, etc.) write it down on a piece of paper and pop it into the jar of awesome

Remember to take a moment to bask in the glow of achieving something awesome!

The next time you sense the looming shadow of perfectionism—this may look like harsh criticism of yourself or doubt in your abilities—open up your jar and get inspired by your awesomeness.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

2. Take a step back —

I always feel a certain degree of stress when a deadline looms on the horizon, yet I know the best thing I can do in this scenario is… nothing. Moving away from the project may seem counterproductive, but I’ve found that it helps me accomplish my goals.

So, take a step back. Breathe. And do nothing. Or at least nothing that pertains to your work. Go for a walk, head to the gym, read a book or play or listen to music. Choose an activity to jolt you out of work mode. For me it was the treadmill. While writing this article I did some work and then walked away. The next morning while on the treadmill, words started to pulse through my mind. I jumped off the machine and began furiously scribbling in my notebook. (I carry a notebook with me everywhere—you never know when inspiration will strike).

I find giving projects the chance to breathe supports the creative process, which generates more ideas. Productivity and creativity do not reside in cramped, stressful quarters. Create some space!

Illustration by Sarah Healy

3. Become a time management ninja —

A perfectionist will work tirelessly on a project until it is perfect. This is not realistic, especially when faced with a looming deadline.

Allocating a specific amount of time for a project forces you to be more productive. When we have too much time we tend to squander it by procrastinating and before we know it we’re up all night racing to meet a deadline.

Create boundaries for yourself by sticking to your own set of internal timelines. This kind of structure will give you more creative freedom in the long run.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

4. Stay focused on the big picture —

This one is connected to number 3, with additional emphasis on staying focused on the end goal. It is easy to get lost in the details of a creative project and lose sight of the end goal or big picture—which is completing the project!

When I first began as a designer I was very much guilty of this. I would spend far too much time getting lost in meticulous details. This level of perfectionist behavior can hurt a project. The truth is that you could work endlessly on a project trying to make it perfect. A deadline saves your sanity—and the project—by giving you a goal to meet. Tell yourself that everything needs to be completed to the best of your ability within a specified time frame.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

5. Don’t be afraid to fail (i.e. fail spectacularly!) —

I am a big fan of the great stoic masters like Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius and Greek philosopher Epictetus. I believe a lot of wisdom can be gleaned from their words, in particular their timeless guidance tor overcoming perfectionism. They view perfectionism as an extreme way of thinking which can lead to depression and frustration—never satisfaction or happiness.

In order to overcome perfectionism, they suggest embracing pragmatism. Pragmatism encourages action, the very thing perfectionism interrupts.

Epictetus emphasizes this by saying:

We’re never going to be perfect — if there is even such a thing. We’re human, after all. Our pursuits should be aimed at progress, no matter how much it’s possible for us to make.

Illustration by Sarah Healy

6. Cultivate self-acceptance —

I will let you in on a little secret: you’re not perfect. Neither am I. Nobody is. Once I accepted this fact, it freed me. I was no longer a puppet controlled by perfectionism. I was uninhibited and could finally create authentic work. I rediscovered the joy of creating and became much happier.

The root of perfectionism lies in the belief that we are not good enough. Self-acceptance is a key step to moving beyond the need to be perfect and embarking on a happier path.

Go forth and be your wonderful imperfect self.

About the author

Sarah Healy is a freelance writer, designer, and adventurer. She has worked in animation studios creating award winning apps, and for large corporations helping them to tell their unique story through branding and visual creations. She can usually be found competing in ultra-marathons or undertaking crazy bike expeditions and is currently traversing Australia with little more than a backpack and a smile.

Have you struggled with perfectionism? Share your top tips for moving past perfectionism with us in the comments below!

The post 6 steps to help you move past perfectionism appeared first on 99designs.

6 steps to help you move past perfectionism published first on https://www.lilpackaging.com/

[roxysbeachlife]

18 Things Happy People Never Do (So You Shouldn’t Either)

BY CHARLOTTE HILTON ANDERSEN

How many of these tiny, everyday things are you doing that could be slowly destroying your happiness?

Stress over their love handles

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Our culture is saturated with images of “ideal” human bodies so it’s totally understandable if the way you see your body is depressing you. But the key to feeling happy isn’t to change your body until it’s perfect (spoiler alert: there’s no such thing), but to learn to love your imperfections, says Erin Olivo, PhD, a clinical psychologist, Columbia University Assistant Professor of Medical Psychology, and author of Wise Mind Living: Master Your Emotions, Transform Your Life. “I ask all my patients to make a list of what they think makes a person valuable and worthy of love,” she says. “Appearance is almost never on that list, yet when I ask them to list the things they think make them unworthy of happiness, appearance is often the top answer.” Bottom line: Your happiness should not be dependent on your appearance. Need more? Try these unusual ways to make yourself feel happy.

Give people the silent treatment

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When you’re hurting it’s natural to want to withdraw but unhappy people make a pattern of punishing others by being cold and silent. The secret to happiness? Talk! “Everyone has a fear of not being loved, but happy people learn to directly ask for (and hopefully receive) love,” says Todd Pressman, PhD, licensed psychologist, speaker, and author. “Even if you don’t get the answer you want, you will discover that your fear of not being loved is not the ‘monster’ you thought it was, and this by itself is powerfully healing.”

Make the same mistake over and over

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It’s not that happy people never screw up (oh, if only that were possible!) but rather that when they do make a mistake, they learn from it and move on, says Amy Benton, social worker, life coach and owner of Thrive Life Coaching. Too many of us cling to bad habits, even if they’re making us miserable in the long run. “Letting go of past habits is a huge barrier to happiness that you need to overcome if you want to change and experience growth and joy in your life,” she says. Not sure where to start? Pick one of these 50 tiny changes that will make you a happier person today.

Be so afraid of falling that they never jump

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Perfectionism and fear of failure go hand-in-hand… for miserable people, anyhow. Happy people may feel afraid of trying something new or taking a risk but they understand they have to move past the fear if they want to succeed, Benton says. Unhappy folks, on the other hand, hide behind their fear of failure and then feel proven right when they don’t reach their goals.

Procrastinate until the very last minute

MARVENT/SHUTTERSTOCK

Procrastinating doing something unpleasant or difficult may feel like it’s making you happy in the short run (because, hey, you’re not doing whatever it is you don’t want to do!). But happy folks don’t procrastinate, recognizing that the fleeting relief now will be overshadowed by the dread and fear of the looming deadline. Just can’t help yourself? “Commit to concentrate on doing a task for just 15 minutes after which you can take a break if you need to,” says Hoan Do, a life and success coach. But often you won’t need that break and will be able to keep on working. Or try one of these tricks every procrastinator should know.

  Play the victim (even if they are)

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Has someone done you wrong? Probably, it happens to all of us, but when it comes to happiness that isn’t the point, Do says. “Happy people don’t blame others, they take responsibility for themselves,” Do says. “To be happy you need to switch from a victim mindset to a creative mindset because creators have choices and power—victims don’t.”

Volunteer to be the PTA president, project manager, soccer coach, and homemade cookie baker

BARANQ/SHUTTERSTOCK

Are you overworked and overwhelmed? That’s a fast-track to misery and yet so many of us feel like we just can’t say no and take on way too much, Do says. “I see a lot of people who are always multitasking and think they are good at it but the truth is they often get less done overall.” Happy people focus on their priorities and what the most valuable use of their time is, Do adds. Another easy tip? Try these 10 unexpected ways to dress happier.

Weigh all opinions equally

TWIN SAILS/SHUTTERSTOCK

Just because someone says it doesn’t mean you have to believe it—especially if they are talking about you! Happy people are able to identify those whose opinion and advice means the most to them and block out the rest (even if it’s well-intentioned). “Only take life advice from people you admire and would want to be in their shoes,” says Gina Marotta, life coach and founder of The Genius Guru.

Do something without asking, “Why?” first

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How often do you do something simply because you’re asked to do it? Plenty of us go through life blindly, going from one “emergency” to the next without ever taking the time to figure out why it’s so important, Marotta says. “Happy people discover the deeper purpose in what they are doing and act consistent with that goal,” she explains. “When you act from a sense of higher calling, you bring an energy and joy to your work and life, even when things are tough.” You can even write your purpose down—it’s one of the 10 things happy people do daily.

Lose hope (at least not for long)

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When life’s storms eventually hit, you can focus on the hurricane surrounding you or you can look for the reprieve coming eventually. The former will keep you feeling trapped and beaten down while the latter will keep you moving you forward no matter what, Marotta says. “Be patient. Hang in there. Repeat to yourself ‘It will work out.’ And it will,” she adds.

“Should” all over themselves

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Doing something for others will always feel like work but do that same task for yourself and it will feel like joy. “The ‘should’ shouldn’t make you feel bad,” says Megan Bearce, licensed marriage and family therapist. “I often hear things like ‘I should be thinner’ or ‘I should go to law school.’ I always ask them whose ‘should’ is that? Whose ruler are you measuring yourself with? If you do it, will it lead you toward your goals or make you unhappy or resentful?” In a relationship rut? Check out this surprising advice from happy couples.

Use these two words

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Is your to-do list bumming you out? Happy people accomplish their daily goals without getting overwhelmed by making this tiny one-word change: “Every time you have to get something done, change ‘I should’ to ‘I want’,” says Roger Ziegler, a counselor and life coach. Say it out loud and as many times as it takes to help you believe it. It’s subtle but changing your intention can change how sad or happy a task makes you feel.

Ignore their dreams

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Obviously happy people pay attention to their dreams in life and take time to write down their goals but the same is true for the nocturnal variety as well, Ziegler says. “You can use your dreams as a life guide to help you find happiness,” he says. “Ask yourself a question before you go to bed and when you wake up, record your answer in a notebook by your bed.” You’ll be amazed at how well your subconscious knows what you need to be happy. Dreams can also make you feel nostalgic, another key to happiness.

Call themselves names

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When you make a mistake is your automatic response “I’m such an idiot!” or “Why am I so stupid?” or “Bad things always happen to me!”? Berating yourself does you no good, says Akshay Nanavati, life coach, author, and creator of Fearvana. It’s fine to feel painful feelings and be upset but don’t assign a value judgment to your feelings. “The single greatest mental ailment that unhappy people suffer from is passing judgment on their emotions,” he says. “Neuroscience has shown we don’t control our feelings but rather how we respond to them.” Bottom line: Stop the shame spiral before it starts.

Need everyone to love them

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Being loved by every single person you meet may sound awesome but in reality, it’s likely evidence that you’re a people-pleaser, so focused on what others think that you lose your own sense of self. To be truly happy you have to accept yourself first and then reach out to others, understanding that not everyone will like you and that’s fine, says Kelsey Silver, licensed marriage and family counselor and author of Crack the Social Code. “When you maximize your own feelings of self-acceptance and confidence you figuratively glow and attract others to you,” she says.

Let their health go

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Physical and mental health are inseparable so if you want to feel happy you need to take care of your body, says Katherine Schafler, LMHC, a licensed therapist. This doesn’t mean achieving some unattainable standard of perfection with six-pack abs and luxurious hair. Rather, happy people take the time to care for themselves by eating nutritious food and exercising. “Your body is all yours,” she says. “It’s yours to enjoy, nourish, touch, energize, lull to sleep and love. Your amazing body will take you wherever you want to go, and if you want to go far, you need to take care of it.”

Forget their blessings

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“The first thing I do every morning is recite three things I’m grateful for out loud,” says Zen Cachola, life coach and founder of Aspired Steps. One of the best things you can do to feel instantly happier is to forget about having what you want and focus on wanting what you have. This is the one secret science says is necessary for a happy life.

Ditch their bucket list

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Happy people are often list-makers, says Kayce Hodos, a licensed professional counselor. And with good reason: “Make lists of places you want to visit, things you want to learn, accomplishments you’ve made, goals for the future,” she says. “This will help you visualize the life you want and what you can do to achieve it.” Read on to find out the 13 things homes of happy people have in common.

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