#pa-goffik-grape

[rumor-weed]

Have ya heard the one about Pa Grape?

“The one where he has multiple partners with the same name, the one where his kids don’t talk to him anymore, or the one where he drives without a license because they took it away? Or are we talkin’ of one of his many other controversies? Take your pick, Anon, but I heard it on the grapevine that he’s not as wholesome as you’d think.”

The weed was almost glowing, as much as a weed could live up to that descriptor. The gossip and rumors coming her way had given her more strength than she had seen in months. She probably could even get a strike if this lasted to her next bowling game!

[thevtbanker]

pa-goffik-grape​:

“Oh. Her too. I was thinkin’ more… you know, Lovey’s dead ex coming back to life, or the guy who died in that murder-suicide coming back after forty years. But uh… she is the most recent, yeah? Mom Asparagus. Poor Dad’s takin’ it hard. And Junior? He’s still a little shit so who knows. And Libby? I forgot Libby even existed. But it can’t be easy on her either.”

“How do we know Libby didn’t do it?” The Banker couldn’t help himself from asking / throwing out a wild ass accusation. He was a Chewie muse after all.

“Chaos and bloodshed already haunt us, honestly you shouldn’t even talk.” (From Pa Grape)

Pa was right. Chaos and bloodshed did already haunt these vegetables. The Banker was possibly the most haunted of them all. But he couldn't let them know that. How would they feel if they found out their beloved and trusted banker held so much darkness inside of him?

"Yes, well," The Banker nodded slowly, "That's why I rarely do. Talk, that is."

[sweet-sweet-petunia]

 "you look kawaii, girl." (From pa-goffik-grape)

"Hold on, let me google something." Petunia muttered, pulling out her phone. "Awww, thanks!"

[rumor-weed]

Is it fucked up to make two more blogs tied into a fanfic that is utterly ridiculous that I may not even finish?

Maybe. But I also have the url for @pa-goffik-grape and we all know how close we were to that one being snapped up! I was so worried it would already be taken.

See also @lauracarrot

But she’s the one who drives a truck.

(Replies are written and scheduled to post 10am central tomorrow!)

[rumor-weed]

((Think I might bring my laptop to work since I’m there til 7. Might be around at lunch. Ask boxes are always open for asks for all the muses

@rumor-weed @the-clone-of-nebby-k-nezzer @divorced-loveyasparagus @lauracarrot @bartlebey @peter-pepperazzi @art-bigotti @goliaththegiantpickle @frankencelery @pa-goffik-grape

Heard @xxxunogoffboi666xxx is gonna be around then too, so send asks to the Goff stuck in 2006!)

[madame-blueberry]

pa-goffik-grape​:

“Oh, Right, We’re still telling people that one, ey, ‘Madame’?” He asked with a teasing smile. After all, they knew each other way back, and to him, this had just been the way they teased each other. “You wouldn’t have brought it up if you didn’t want to help. Now, who is it we’re talkin’ aboht again? I already forgot.”

“How could you possibly know that,” She sneered. He was right though, and she hated it. “Mais, Monsiuer Asparagus of course! What... with all the hanging around with Art Bigotti and what not.”

❛  i bet he's having a mid-life crisis!  ❜

"Do ya really think so? Mid-life, huh? That was... ages ago, but I don't remember havin' a mid-life crisis when I was that age!" Said the Goffik Grape, who was not going through a Phase or Crisis but just was Always Like This. "Does everyone have one? Did you?" He asked, referring to the blueberry's vague but possibly older than she looked age. "Mid-life crisis, huh? You really think? Well, a crisis usually means he needs help, right? So how are we gonna help him?"

[andimlarrythecucumber]

“Where’s he keepin’ the skeleton?” Larry asked naively, before moving on to the next thing, “Uh, not yet. I’m, y’know, a little afraid of Halloween-y things.”

"My neighbour has a skeleton." (from Pa)

"Oh, cool! Just in time for the spooky season!"

[art-bigotti]

@rumor-weed @pa-goffik-grape @bartlebey @peter-pepperazzi @divorced-loveyasparagus @xxxunogoffboi666xxx @art-bigotti @the-clone-of-nebby-k-nezzer @goliaththegiantpickle @frankencelery

🐝  *  ―  𝑭𝑨𝑲𝑬 𝑫𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  i promised my parents i'd introduce them to my partner the next time they came around ... will you please pretend to be my girlfriend / boyfriend?  ❜ ❛  you can stop pretending, there's no one around anymore.  ❜ ❛  somewhere along the way, my fake feelings became real feelings for you.  ❜ ❛  if you want others to believe we're dating, you'll have to start acting like you at least like me.  ❜ ❛  do you think they believed we're in love?  ❜ ❛  thank you for pretending to be my boyfriend / girlfriend.  ❜ ❛  if you still need a date for tonight, i'm free.  ❜ ❛  they're looking suspicious. quick, kiss me.  ❜ ❛  give me one more stupid pet name and i'll break up with you right here, right now.  ❜ ❛  can you please pretend to be my partner so this asshole will leave me alone?  ❜ ❛  it says couples only ... let's say we're dating and we'll get in.  ❜ ❛  we don't have to kiss, do we?  ❜ ❛  no one's going to buy it unless we actually commit to the act.  ❜ ❛  i'm not comfortable with doing anything more than holding your hand.  ❜ ❛  it feels wrong to lie to everyone like that. why can't we just tell them we're just friends?  ❜ ❛  fake dating you is a lot more fun than i expected.  ❜ ❛  surprisingly, i really enjoy your company. we should do this again sometime.  ❜ ❛  my date bailed on me, can you take their place instead?  ❜ ❛  can we do this again? but maybe this time as an actual date.  ❜ ❛  relax, so far everything went well and no one is suspecting anything yet.  ❜ ❛  i don't think i can fake being in love with you anymore ... because i've fallen in love with you for real. ❜ ❛  the others are going to catch on if you keep sending me death stares.  ❜ ❛  please say you'll do it so they'll finally stop harassing me to find someone.  ❜ ❛  i heard you needed a date tonight, so here i am.  ❜ ❛  you don't have to do anything if you aren't comfortable with it.  ❜ ❛  shouldn't we go over our stories so we don't accidentally tell people two completely different versions of how we met?  ❜ ❛  wow, you almost convinced me you really meant what you were saying.  ❜ ❛  wait, this wasn't part of the act?  ❜ ❛  we're already so close, no one will suspect a thing.  ❜ ❛  okay, but won't we have to explain it when we break up?  ❜ ❛  if you really want to get out of this so bad, you'll have to be the ones to break up with me in front of our friends and family.  ❜ ❛  i couldn't have asked for a better person to be my fake girlfriend / boyfriend.  ❜ ❛  when did your feelings for me become real?  ❜ ❛  how long do we have to keep this up?  ❜ ❛  i don't like lying to people about things like that ... but if it'll make you happy i'll do it.  ❜ ❛  want to help me make my ex jealous?  ❜ ❛  i know this wasn't part of the plan but i think i've caught real feelings for you.  ❜ ❛  you don't have to pretend anymore ... no one's looking anyway.  ❜ ❛  was any of it real or was it all just fake? because it didn't feel fake to me.  ❜ ❛  will you at least hold my hand?  ❜

[art-bigotti]

@rumor-weed @pa-goffik-grape @bartlebey @peter-pepperazzi @divorced-loveyasparagus @xxxunogoffboi666xxx @art-bigotti @the-clone-of-nebby-k-nezzer @goliaththegiantpickle @lauracarrot @frankencelery

FEAR STREET SERIES. ↳ quotes from the fear street book series by r.l. stine. they're not all horror-themed, but there are mentions of murder, death, and a few mentions of food.

“i have a couple of suggestions to help things along. first of all, go back to school on monday.”

"my first day back was a non-event."

"they will come when they come. screaming your throat raw will not change anything."

"i hope you learned your lesson."

"i'm not into lord of the rings."

"this must be what it's like on the moon."

"it's bad enough that we killed [name]. we can't kill four people."

"i heard the whole story. i'll phone the police."

"you've been out in the ozone somewhere since we got here."

"oops! forget you heard that. it just slipped out."

"simon and angelica fear were supposed to be the most evil people in the world. we studied it all in fourth grade."

"without the nectar, i'll perish!"

"where'd you get that line? out of an old horror movie?"

"yes, i know what facetime is."

"like, hello. it's the twenty-first century — geeks rule!"

"dreams are all wishes, right?"

"sorry, i'm on my break."

"i sound so broken up about it, even i would believe me."

"evil never dies. those who do it's work can be conquered, but the evil never goes away. it only seeks a new vessel. anyone can be the victim of evil. even the kindest heart, the gentlest soul, is at its mercy."

"what if you're a ghost from the future?"

"you're not interested in their story, you're interested in their bod!"

“i know i’m going to be different when i go to college. i’m getting my nose pierced, definitely. and maybe a tattoo.”

"good idea. let's get some pizza!"

"why is she so sad? and so mysterious?"

"i will never apologize to a murderer!"

"that's dumb. my plan is better than that."

“i think i’ll write to my mom that you and i have gotten to be very close — very close friends.”

"did you really believe i was a ghost?"

"how can i prove that i'm not a ghost?"

ever since i found out Iiwas a pisces and water was my sign, i’ve had a much better relationship with swimming.

"that was the worst, thinking a fish had eaten the eyeballs out of my skull."

"you went out with me just because you wanted to kill mr. northwood?"

"psychos are allowed to wear maroon, too, you know."

" i tore a fingernail while getting dressed for school this morning and burst into tears. that’s how messed up i am."

"yeah, well, there's no guarantee the sun will rise tomorrow."

"he's so intense, but i like him anyway."

[taylorgrape]

"Yes, I got your letters, yes I'm doing better," Taylor smiled genuinely at her father, before frowning slightly at the mention of her mother. "She looks at life like it's a party and she's on the list... she looks at me like I'm a trend and she's so over it." She announced sadly.

“ tell me , do you recognize me ?? ” (from taylor)

Pa squinted behind his glasses. "Eh? Taylor? Wow! I can't believe ya showed up to my party. Ya havin' fun? This means ya got my letters, right? How's your ma?"

[andimlarrythecucumber]

"So it cooks bread... twice?"

“This is why you made me drive three hours out into the middle of nowhere?” (larry star of christmas verse)

"Beautiful, though, isn't it?" Seymour said, grinning widely. "This here scrap pile's got everything you need for a good invention. Think of it, Milward! Those springs, with that metal box, a lighter, and a piece of bread? Combine 'em and get your bread toasty fresh. It'll even pop up for ya. I'll call it a toaster!"

[andimlarrythecucumber]

"What, a cucumber's not allowed to want to look dapper?"

❛ it looks ugly but it's clean. ❜ larry

"Uh-huh." Pa glanced at the cucumber suspiciously. "Doesn't look clean, and I'm pretty sure it was nicer than that when I lent it to ya. What'd you even need my hat for anyway?"

[xxxunogoffboi666xxx]

Uno rolled his eyes. "You're so embarrassing. I was making a reference. Thanks for following my blog, I guess. I'll follow you back."

"I knew who you were all along." (tumblr eats my asks if I don't send them anonymously. who fucking knew. unogoffboi)

“Oh, hi, son! I got one of those Tumblrs you were tellin’ me about. Nifty things. Well, my name’s in the blog title thingy and I followed ya, so is it really a secret who I am?”

[thevtbanker]

pa-goffik-grape​:

“I mean, these movies that keep coming out!” Pa exclaimed. “Oh, I Don’t mean literally, Banker, you know I always enjoy our chats. Holding up the line at the bank is always fun, but… boy. The horror films out there? Ghosts and ghouls? Dead coming back to life? Doesn’t that just give you the creeps? Feels too familiar. Too real.”

It certainly did give him the creeps. He did value his time at the bank with good old Pa Asparagus. But this felt... odd. Like the vegetables were on to him and his corrupt past. “It is... quite odd. Poor Mother Asparagus.” He accidentally said the last bit out loud.

“Chaos and bloodshed already haunt us, honestly you shouldn’t even talk.” (From Pa Grape)

Pa was right. Chaos and bloodshed did already haunt these vegetables. The Banker was possibly the most haunted of them all. But he couldn't let them know that. How would they feel if they found out their beloved and trusted banker held so much darkness inside of him?

"Yes, well," The Banker nodded slowly, "That's why I rarely do. Talk, that is."

[madame-blueberry]

“How dare you!” Megan gasped, “I am not old enough to even be near my mid life!” She sneered before sighing out dramatically, “Who said anything about helping? I simply wanted to watch the whole thing unfold.”

❛  i bet he's having a mid-life crisis!  ❜

"Do ya really think so? Mid-life, huh? That was... ages ago, but I don't remember havin' a mid-life crisis when I was that age!" Said the Goffik Grape, who was not going through a Phase or Crisis but just was Always Like This. "Does everyone have one? Did you?" He asked, referring to the blueberry's vague but possibly older than she looked age. "Mid-life crisis, huh? You really think? Well, a crisis usually means he needs help, right? So how are we gonna help him?"

[andimlarrythecucumber]

"Bread comes from dough?!" this, for some reason, was a revelation. "Alright, alright. You might be right. May I try some of this... Toast, you say?"

“This is why you made me drive three hours out into the middle of nowhere?” (larry star of christmas verse)

"Beautiful, though, isn't it?" Seymour said, grinning widely. "This here scrap pile's got everything you need for a good invention. Think of it, Milward! Those springs, with that metal box, a lighter, and a piece of bread? Combine 'em and get your bread toasty fresh. It'll even pop up for ya. I'll call it a toaster!"