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pesterloglog · 9 months

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John Egbert, Jade Harley, Jaspersprite

Act 6, page 5283-5307

JOHN: jade...

JADE: hm?

JOHN: i think i just realized something.

JADE: what?

JOHN: THIS MOVIE FUCKING SUCKS!!!

JADE: whaaat

JADE: but you love this movie!

JOHN: yeah, i know.

JOHN: i mean... i thought i did.

JOHN: it's been kind of a long time since i last saw it. i really remember it being a lot better than this!

JOHN: but now everything just seems so cheesy and stupid.

JADE: but you were making such a big deal about finally getting me to watch it with you on your birthday!

JADE: you were going on and on about how i wouldnt be disappointed... but now youre saying you dont like it?

JOHN: i don't know. i'm trying to like it. i WANT to like it.

JOHN: i want to feel the same magic that was there all the other times i watched it.

JOHN: but i can't, because...

JOHN: it's just...

JOHN: not...

JOHN: good. :(

JADE: really?

JADE: i was actually kind of enjoying it!

JADE: its very silly

JADE: i really dont think its the kind of movie youre supposed to take all that seriously john

JOHN: but i DID take it seriously!!!

JOHN: i guess maybe that's kind of the point.

JOHN: i always thought all this hokey bullshit was legitimately awesome and compelling.

JOHN: what was i even thinking!

JADE: i dunno....

JADE: but people can change their minds about things

JADE: i think youre allowed to change your mind about a silly movie

JADE: i used to LOVE the squiddles show when i was really young

JADE: but as i got older i started to realize it wasnt as great as i thought it was

JADE: i was just too young to see how it was actually a flagrant vehicle for selling merchandise

JADE: and if you believed the conspiracy theorists it might have even been pushing some other dark hidden agendas.....

JADE: so i stopped liking the show itself as much but that didnt change the fact that i had a lot of fond memories about it

JADE: i still loved all the cute characters and could enjoy it on a nostalgic level

JOHN: well, maybe later i'll be able to rekindle some nostalgic feelings about it.

JOHN: but right now, i just feel like a dope for talking this up so hard.

JADE: what is even the problem with it?

JADE: ive just been watching this and thinking, yup, i can see why john was so obsessed with this movie...

JADE: its funny!

JOHN: it's just non stop terrible action movie cliches!

JOHN: look.

JOHN: i love nic cage. he is basically my hero, ok?

JOHN: but i'm kind of just realizing now that he is EMBARRASSINGLY BAD in this movie!

JOHN: he is just doing this corny parody of a southern guy who is down on his luck, and acts "charming" with his goofy accent and stuff.

JOHN: some things i used to think were so badass are just coming off as ridiculous now.

JOHN: can you believe that one time we were watching this movie, when he said "put the bunny back in the box" i actually high fived my dad?

JOHN: this time that line just made me roll my eyes.

JOHN: there's so much crappy dialogue!

JOHN: "cyrus, this is your barbecue, and it tastes good..." arrgh!

JADE: but he was trying to sound like a hardened criminal to win the trust of john malkovich!

JOHN: jade, please. it was a cheesy line, don't be so naive.

JADE: what!!

JADE: you spent your whole life worshiping this dumb movie and now youre calling ME naive????

JOHN: ok, i'm sorry. i guess in fairness to you, you have only just begun to climb the steep learning curve of this vexing and hypnotic film.

JOHN: but i am no longer bound by its spell, jade.

JADE: oh god

JADE: vexing and hypnotic??

JADE: its a movie full of explosions about a guy with a mullet

JADE: what is with you lately? you seem to be in such a crappy mood these days

JOHN: i am fine. this MOVIE is what's crappy these days.

JADE: oh bluh bluh

JADE: can we just finish the rest of the movie?

JADE: look you made us miss a whole bunch of stuff!

JADE: hang on im going to rewind it...

JOHN: who even cares what we missed.

JOHN: just cameron stupid poe in his idiot wife beater babbling some more southern home spun heroic nonsense.

JOHN: heart of gold my ass!!!!!

JOHN: everything dave ever said about this movie was right! i can't believe i used to think he was just trolling me.

JOHN: the stupid junkyard scene where cyrus makes a little model out of rocks and stuff, just so he could tell the criminals to surround some army guys and shoot them... that was pointless!

JOHN: and all this heavy handed scoring. oh my god. the music makes every little thing into such a federal issue!

JOHN: like... oh man, SOME MINOR CHARACTERS BEING INTRODUCED IN SLOW MOTION! dun-dun dun-dun DUN DUN DUN!!!

JOHN: there. now you officially know they are all badasses.

JOHN: also, i somehow didn't even remember dave chappelle being in this movie. he was pointless too.

JADE: whos dave chappelle?

JOHN: and you know the malloy guy, the dick head cop who we're supposed to hate, because of how he gives john cusack a hard time and makes asshole decisions with a helicopter?

JOHN: well screw that! he wasn't so bad. so what if he was a little grumpy? he was just trying to do his job. he had one of the best lines in the movie actually, which was another thing we were supposed to hate him for.

JOHN: what was it? about how cusack was probably out saving a tree and recycling his sandals or some shit? HAHAHA! now that i think about it, i fucking LOVE malloy.

JOHN: i'm going to rewind it to watch that scene again...

JADE: no!!!

JADE: dont touch the remote

JOHN: oh, and we're supposed to be like "YEAH" when cusack wrecks malloy's awesome sports car.

JOHN: but that was a nice car! john cusack shouldn't have ruined it like that for laughs.

JOHN: i know *I* wasn't laughing, were you?

JADE: YES :p

JOHN: john cusack was such a terrible character in this movie now that i think about it. i don't really get what he added to it?

JOHN: he was like the second hero... but dorkier? what did he even really do? he scampered around the junkyard for a while goofing off, and then when it was his time to shine...

JOHN: HE DEMONSTRATED HIS MASTERY OVER HEAVY MACHINERY! wow, he can operate a crane! i am thrilled by the exploits of this pedantic weenie.

JOHN: i guess he's actually like cage's estranged sidekick? almost like the robin that batman never realized he had.

JOHN: now that i think about it, this movie was always an oddly poignant tale of bromance between cage and cusack. just two bros separated by destiny, waiting to be united.

JOHN: when they finally come together to kick some ass, it is arguably more moving than when he reunites with his wife and daughter!

JOHN: i wonder if i'll think that scene sucks now too? it used to move me to tears, but now i'll probably think it's so lame, i'm almost afraid to watch it. maybe i should try to leave at least SOME memories untainted.

JADE: john you are kind of sounding like a crazy person here

JOHN: yeah right! crazy like a fOWWW!

JADE: what???

JOHN: oh...

JOHN: i guess there was a stray feather clinging to my pajamas and it just poked me in the ass.

JOHN: god damn dave sprite.

JOHN: that guy molts like it's going out of style.

JADE: oh...

JADE: heh

JADE: yeah

JOHN: where is he anyway?

JOHN: i specifically told dave sprite several times when my party would start, because i knew he would do this.

JOHN: he's already missed half the movie!

JADE: why do you always call him dave sprite?

JOHN: um... because that's his name?

JOHN: dave sprite.

JADE: no, i mean why do you always say it like that? with the space between words?

JADE: its not dave sprite, its just davesprite

JOHN: what ever.

JOHN: i can't believe he's standing me up on my birthday.

JOHN: maybe he doesn't want to hang out with jaspers?

JOHN: jaspers, i hope you're not going to start chasing him around again when he gets here.

JASPERSPRITE: Hisssss!

JOHN: dude, shut up.

JADE: yeah.... john

JADE: i dont think davesprite is coming tonight

JOHN: aw, man. really?

JOHN: i knew we shouldn't have invited both him and jaspers.

JOHN: that's just party planning BASICS.

JADE: no...

JADE: it has nothing to do with jaspers

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: then why?

JADE: he uh...

JADE: kind of broke up with me

JOHN: what!!!

JOHN: when did that happen?

JADE: a couple days ago

JOHN: no. no way.

JOHN: i cannot accept this!

JADE: john its ok you dont have t...

JOHN: you and dave sprite were like the glue holding everything together on this miserable road trip!

JADE: we were?

JOHN: yes, jade.

JOHN: you were our rock.

JADE: your rock??

JADE: what are you talking about?

JOHN: come on, jade.

JOHN: you and dave sprite were like... an INSTITUTION on this stupid golden battleship.

JADE: we were not an institution!

JADE: you are just saying meaningless things now

JOHN: why did he break up with you?!

JADE: um...

JADE: its complicated

JADE: basically hes just going through a lot of stuff right now

JOHN: stuff??

JOHN: what stuff.

JOHN: jade, we are all going through stuff. you don't see me flying off the handle and breaking up with MY girlfriend.

JADE: do uh...

JADE: you have a girlfriend?

JOHN: that is not the point.

JOHN: the point is that dave sprite is a douche.

JADE: i dont think hes a douche, hes just...

JOHN: no, he's an orange feathery douche.

JOHN: why is he such a basket case? he's like regular dave, but like, aloof enigma edition.

JOHN: maybe it's because he's part bird? i think becoming a bird and a sprite did something weird to him.

JADE: i dont think being a bird ever bothered him

JADE: like i said... its all more complicated than that

JOHN: normal dave was so much more level headed.

JOHN: i have to admit, i spend a lot of time wondering what he and rose are up to.

JADE: me too

JOHN: ehh...

JOHN: maybe it's for the best he broke up with you.

JADE: why?

JOHN: well, what kind of future do you think you would have with him?

JOHN: he's a sprite. like really, what even is a sprite? how long do they live? will he still be around if we win the new game we are allegedly trying to get to?

JADE: i dont know

JOHN: there are a lot of things we don't know.

JOHN: and also...

JOHN: how do things even work if you marry a sprite?

JADE: what do you mean

JOHN: i mean...

JOHN: ok, he has a ghost butt, for one thing.

JADE: uh

JADE: so

JOHN: a GHOST BUTT, jade!

JADE: SO WHAT IF HE HAS A GHOST BUTT!!!!!

JOHN: i'm just saying...

JADE: WHATEVER YOURE JUST SAYING, JUST STOP SAYING IT!

JADE: and whatever youre trying to gesture with your hands there, stop doing that too!

JOHN: what? no, i was just...

JADE: nope!!! totally not talking about this

JOHN: but

JADE: put your hands down john

JOHN: ok, fine.

JADE: thats not down, thats up!

JADE: oh well, at least youre not making those unsettling gestures...

JADE: john...

JADE: what are you doing?

JOHN: nothing!

JADE: i hope youre not entertaining some awkward train of thought about, uh...

JOHN: no!!!

JADE: what is with you??

JADE: today is your birthday, youre supposed to be having fun!

JADE: but youve been so testy, as if youre committed to not having a good time

JOHN: well, maybe i'm just getting a little tired of being stuck on this lame boat!

JOHN: don't you think it's gotten kind of old?

JADE: yeah, i can see how you might find it a little slow here

JADE: i dunno, i havent minded much... maybe its different for me though because i used to live all alone?

JOHN: oh sure, i'm sure it's GREAT for you. you get to spend your days smooching and breaking up with dave sprite and what not, and you can shrink down to any old planet you feel like, any time. whereas i have to make this whole big deal of ASKING you to shrink or unshrink me, and...

JADE: but i dont mind doing that any time!!!

JOHN: i know, but you think i want to bug you about that at the drop of a hat? when you're busy and on dates and stuff? i just happen to have respect for something called PERSONAL BOUNDARIES, jade.

JOHN: and it's not like there's really anyone else to talk to, except the inscrutable chess people and a bunch of brainless consorts and an idiot cat princess. oh and also nanna, but i mean, she's my grandmother, and she's great, but a guy can only spend so much quality time with his grandmother before he starts to feel like kind of a loser whose friends are too busy to spend time with him!

JADE: john... if you told me this earlier i would have...

JOHN: and i still never visit any interesting dream bubbles, and we can't even finish our cool planet quests because the moment we broke through the window all our denizens decided to go back to sleep, and...

JOHN: i guess what i'm saying is, i'm MORE than ready to get to the other window and meet our friends and other new people and stuff.

JOHN: are you sure you can't make the ship go faster???

JADE: were already going as fast as i can make us go

JOHN: and how fast is that again?

JADE: about the speed of light!

JOHN: well, can't you use your space powers and bump it up a notch?

JADE: no! nothing can go faster than light john

JADE: unless you teleport of course

JOHN: and why can't you teleport us again?

JADE: i already explained this! i cant do that here, its not within the domain of the green sun which gives me those powers!

JOHN: is that why we can't go faster than light either?

JADE: no thats just a regular law of physics!!! jeez

JOHN: ok, i mean, i know that. but this isn't really a regular place, right?

JOHN: isn't the speed of light like a thousand miles a second? so what does that really mean here? are miles and seconds the same here as on earth? how does this nonsense dimension we're racing through jive with all the relativity mumbo jumbo?

JADE: ok first of all, thats not even close to the speed of light

JADE: light travels at a hundred and eighty six thousand miles per second no matter what frame of reference youre in... even this one!

JADE: second of all special relativity and comparing laws of physics between different frames of reference, those are tricky issues to talk about!

JADE: but id be more than happy to talk about them if youd like. actually i would enjoy that because i never really get to talk about science wi...

JOHN: no, i don't want to talk about physics! i don't know anything about the laws of physics, because they are hard and boring.

JOHN: i simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! is that really asking too much?

JADE: yes as a matter of fact it is!

JOHN: well, guess what? SCIENCE IS STUPID BULLSHIT!!!

JADE: you take that back!!!!!

JOHN: no.

JOHN: magic is awesome.

JOHN: science blows.

JOHN: the end.

JADE: john.....

JADE: what is that?

JOHN: what?

JADE: under your hood...

JADE: looks like a piece of paper stuck to your back?

JOHN: huh?

JOHN: oh god dammit.

JOHN: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!

JOHN: THAT BASTARD!!!

JADE: what?

JOHN: THIS IS TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS.

JADE: what is it??

JOHN: I WILL TELL YOU WHAT IT IS.

JOHN: IT IS THE LAST FUCKING STRAW!!!

JOHN: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!

JADE: where are you going?

JOHN: I'M GOING TO GO KICK HIS ASS!

JADE: what! john, no...

JOHN: POSING AS MY DEAD FATHER BY MIMICKING ONE OF HIS GREAT FATHERLY NOTES HE USED TO HIDE AROUND THE HOUSE???

JOHN: AND ON THE TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE DAY HE WAS SLAIN BY JACK NOIR, A *FACT* OF WHICH THAT CHEEKY ORANGE ASSHOLE IS PLAINLY AWARE??????

JOHN: THIS IS A NEW LOW, EVEN FOR DAVE SPRITE!

JADE: ok yes, that practical joke is in poor taste, but you should try to calm down and...

JOHN: NO, SCREW THAT, I AM SUPER PISSED OFF ABOUT THIS!

JOHN: THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO SETTLE THIS, AND THAT IS WITH AN OLD FASHIONED BEATDOWN.

JOHN: WHERE'S MY HAMMER!!!!!

JADE: um

JADE: which one?

JOHN: ANY OLD HAMMER!

JOHN: WHATEVER. IT COULD BE A HAMMER FROM THE BARGAIN BIN OF A HARDWARE STORE FOR ALL I CARE.

JOHN: JUST GIVE ME ANYTHING THAT'S FIT FOR CLOBBERING A GHOST BOTTOMED DICK FACE WHO'S ALSO A BIRD.

JADE: sigh

JOHN: I'M COMING FOR YOU, DAVE SPRITE!

JOHN: DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU MAGICAL SON OF A BITCH? I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!

JOHN: THAT STUNT WASN'T COOL! *YOU'RE* NOT COOL!

JOHN: LIKE IT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH YOU DUMPED JADE FOR NO REASON. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!

JOHN: YOU AND JADE WERE OUR ROCK ON THIS SHIP! YOU HEAR ME?? OUR ROOOOOOOOCK!!!

JADE: :|

JOHN: AND NOW *THIS* BULLSHIT??? WHAT THE HELL, MAN.

JOHN: I DON'T GO AROUND LEAVING FAKE PUZZLES FOR YOU LIKE FROM THE MOVIE SAW, DO I? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ME SAY I WANT TO PLAY A GAME EVEN *ONCE*?? WELL, HAVE YOU????

JOHN: NO, BECAUSE THAT WOULD STIR UP PAINFUL MEMORIES OF A DEARLY DEPARTED LOVED ONE, AND THEREFORE WOULD BE UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY OF ME!!!!!!!!

JOHN: HEY! I SEE YOU THERE!

JOHN: GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW, WISE GUY!

JOHN: OH NO, DON'T PLAY DUMB. I CAN SEE YOU PLAIN AS DAY. I'M ON TO YOU, BUDDY.

JOHN: STOP VAGUELY WATERMARKING THE SKY WITH YOUR SMUG DOUCHEY FACE THIS INSTANT AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!!!

JOHN: YEAH SURE, LAUGH IT UP! THAT MAKES YOU SEEM LIKE WAY LESS OF A TOOL. NICE GOING BRO!

JOHN: EVERYONE ON THIS BOAT IS SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT! WHY DON'T YOU JUST FLY AWAY AND LEAVE US ALONE?

JOHN: HOW CAN YOU BE SO MUCH MORE OF A PRICK THAN THE REAL DAVE? YOU ARE THE MOST PISS POOR SUBSTITUTE FOR A BEST FRIEND A GUY EVER HAD.

JOHN: I CAN'T *WAIT* TO MEET UP WITH THE REAL DAVE AGAIN. THAT WAY WE CAN ALL GO BACK TO THE AWESOME STATUS QUO OF PRETENDING YOU NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE!

JADE: john...

JADE: theres no one there

JOHN: oh he's THERE alright.

JOHN: he's probably just using some sprite magic so only i can see him.

JOHN: don't you see, jade? he's antagonizing ME PERSONALLY, not you. he's done with you, remember?

JOHN: he already used you like a rented mule, and now he is moving on to greener pastures.

JADE: what pastures

JOHN: it's me.

JOHN: I'M the pastures.

JOHN: and now his mule is grazing all over them, while he has a good laugh.

JADE: what

JADE: wasnt i supposed to be the mule?

JADE: i dont think i understand your analogy

JOHN: no, you see, it's...

JOHN: the mule represented, like...

JOHN: i don't know, like the spirit animal of his douchey ways. or something.

JADE: ....

JOHN: augh, WHO CAAARES.

JOHN: who cares about mules, or pastures, or dave sprite's stupid ephemeral sky visage.

JOHN: who cares about anything!!!

JOHN: who cares about my birthday, or nic cage, or this boat full of idiots.

JOHN: JUST.

JOHN: WHO.

JOHN: CARES.

JADE: john i think youre officially throwing a tantrum here

JADE: ...

JADE: john?

JADE: john...

JADE: are you asleep?

JADE: please dont tell me you just fell asleep in your driveway

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bjugnakraekir · 5 months

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i transferred a fanfic to my 4th gen kindle and after wrestling with it for about an hour i was able to open the fic. forgot that it was 99.6k words and saw the page count. fucking 5297 pages.

#bjug post #kindle #4th generation kindle #fanfiction #its ghoap btw

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supermsninnet0 · 2 years

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plummains · 2 years

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After your registration is completed there is an automatic review of the account details entered and the system may decide that your account is not eligible for bonuses. All advertised first deposit bonuses/welcome offers are subject to an account registration check. Unless stated otherwise, whenever a time is mentioned it refers to GMT.ġ.15. We reserve the right to restrict access to all or certain parts of the Site in respect of certain jurisdictions.ġ.14. Unless otherwise stated in the relevant casino pages of the Site, minimum deposit amounts are 10 AUD/CAD/CHF/EUR/GBP/USD, 100 DKK/NOK/SEK/ZAR, 700 RUB and withdrawal amounts are 20 AUD/CAD/CHF/EUR/GBP/USD, 200 DKK/NOK/SEK/ZAR, 1400 RUB.ġ.13. All fees and charges displayed in this document are in pound sterling (“GBP”).ġ.12. You also acknowledge that We are unable to provide you with any legal advice or assist you with any Legal queries related to the legality of participation in remote gambling.ġ.11.

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By accepting these terms and conditions you agree that you do not find the services we provide through our Site and/or software offensive, unfair or questionable. Your participation in the Games is at your sole discretion and risk. If these terms and conditions are translated into another language, the English version will prevail.ġ.10. These terms and conditions are written in English. By using this Site and/or software you agree to these terms and conditions and any other terms or conditions that We see fit to impose from time to time.ġ.9. Where we have reasonable grounds to suspect that any two or more registered accounts are linked including whether they are linked to the same internet protocol (“IP”) address, pattern of use, proximity of transactions, common bank details or address in common or otherwise and that the services provided via the Site are being abused of by you in any way, including by way of example due to a previously undetected fault, bug or other fault in the software, we may suspend the services provided to you via the site and your ability to access your account(s) with immediate effect as well as to reverse transactions on any one or more of the accounts that are linkedġ.8. Once you have agreed to these terms and conditions, Your failure to comply with any one or more of them may result in disqualification, account closure, and/or legal action against you as deemed appropriate by Us.ġ.7. If you do not agree with any of the terms and conditions you should not accept them. By checking the ‘I agree to the terms and conditions’ box when you register an account, you acknowledge that you have read, understood, agree with and will comply with all the terms and conditions and you thereby enter into a legally binding agreement between you and Us. All customer data will be treated as confidential and will not be sold to third parties.ġ.6. For transaction security we use SSL encryption. Please note that all telephone calls are digitally recorded and may be used as evidence at Our sole discretion.ġ.5. Should you need any advice regarding these terms, or any other part of our service, in your own and our interests, please contact us via our Customer Services Department via the support link on the site and your trusted legal advisor.ġ.4. In these terms and conditions you are referred to as the “customer”, “you”, “user”, the “player” or by some other term of the same purpose.ġ.3. In the following terms and conditions, Skill on Net Ltd is referred to as “CasinoRedkings”, “We”, “Us” or some other name of similar purport.

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C50024 with its business address at Office1/5297, Level G Quantum House 75 Abate Rigord Street, Ta’ Xbiex 1120 Malta under gaming license number 000-039326-R-319358-003 issued by the Gambling Commission of Great Britain.ġ.2. Make sure to print these terms and conditions and keep them for your records.ġ.1 These terms and conditions govern your access to and use of the site CasinoRedkings (the “Site”) which is operated by Skill on Net Ltd, a company registered in Malta under Reg. Please read these terms and conditions carefully before accepting this agreement and before using this site. Gambling can be addictive, please play responsibly. C50024 with its business address at Level 5, Quantum House, 75 Abate Rigord Street, Ta’ Xbiex 1120 Malta and operated under a gaming license issued to Skill on Net Ltd by the Gambling Commission of Great Britain This site is operated by Skill on Net Ltd, a company registered in Malta under Reg.

#Locked symbols on poker copilot hud

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