#past 2 days ive done ok holding everything back and today was going well bjt every single time i thjnk abt home
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o|-< man
#sorry m about to spill my guts here again#but i did talk to my therapist abt reinitiating therapy but im put on a waitlist till i get another appt and like#past 2 days ive done ok holding everything back and today was going well bjt every single time i thjnk abt home#or going home i mean iiiii feel like throwing up#just. some of the most intense anxiety ive ever felt in my life i dont want to go home for the weekend bc im scared#and i feel sick. thinking about it but i cant avoid it or act differently bc i dont want to make thjngs worse and#staying neutral is the only thing i can do. but doing so has its own set of problems but#if i get anymore involved ill fuck up everythjng more bc i cant mediate this properly when one person is emotionally blackmailing me and#the other is Also doing the same in a way and promises to burn all our bridges and never look back for good#like shes serious#and i cant take sides here its impossible they Need to talk but ones so angry i idk whay she'll do (not violence or anythjng but. worse?)#sorry i keep coming on here to vent like again i. dont have sny other place without potentially being found#i just feel so sick and anxious and i feel like being a coward and running away but#its hard when my life n existence revolves around them i just fucking wish theyd talk like normal people#i have promises to keep and rships to rebuild and i just Cant abandon either of them i cant snd#i get accused of being two faced bc i cant speak my mind on the spot and you know whay thats fine#i stopped having mental breakdowns in the bathroom at least so thats nice FJSHDKS#but i need to talk to a therapist rright the hell now and sort out that like#vile empty but anxious feeling thats in my system almost Constantly unless i busy myself with fiction or something#aaaaaaaaaa AAAAAA god whatever im so.#all this isnt as bad as what folks go through but it also fucking feels like my life and everything ive worked towards is falling apart#so thats neat?#anyway ANYWAY SORRY this was ridiculously long n i am at work and got curbstomped suddenly#i dont want my family to talk to me i just want them to be like. Normal this weekend. just one weekend.#m going to lose it h#vent /#tee.xt#also will delete this later if i remember
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