#peak brother behavior of going 'I will LITERALLY die before I let you best me at anything ' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

arinaco · 4 years

Text

Keith and Shiro: The Hero’s Journey

Translated and edited by @Nadezhda932

Once I was asked if I would write a meta about Keith or Shiro, and then I refused, because their story at that moment seemed to me simple and clear. But since then, a certain amount of nuance has accumulated that could be written about, so I decided to write a meta.

Warning – the topic of Sheith won’t be raised. All the ships are respected here, but in order to avoid any controversy, in this meta the relationship between Shiro and Keith will be considered exclusively in the context that was declared by the series itself, where Shiro became like an older brother for Keith.

Shiro and Keith’s storylines are closely related, so it’s pointless to look at them separately. Moreover, if Keith’s story is in many ways the standard story of a teenager growing up, then Shiro’s story touches on a completely different – not childish – question.

And I’ll start with the most scandalous – if I may say so – part of Shiro’s storyline. His flashbacks in S7. In the interviews, EPs said they planned to introduce these flashbacks much earlier, but many didn’t believe them. And I’ll start with them because they have an important storyline for Shiro in S8, and most likely one of the reasons why Shiro’s story arc was practically cut out there.

To answer the question of whether these flashbacks were inserted at the last moment, we need to go right back to the first seasons to remember the strange behavior of Shiro, the weirdness of which passed us by, because at that moment there was no clear explanation.

In S1, Shiro appeared before us as a young strong man, mature and confident in his professionalism. He’s almost 30, and this is the very age when a military man can finally begin to count on some serious shoulder straps and a promotion. And suddenly this young man begins to talk with Keith that he may lead the paladins instead of Shiro. As if he was about to retire and needed someone to replace him, although future successors of people at this age usually command an army of plush toys.

I want you to lead Voltron.

After being wounded, Shiro remembered that he was mortal… and that death was very close to him

Of course, the situation was difficult and there was a constant risk, but only Shiro prepared a successor in advance… as if he was about to die. Why did the young man have so many thoughts about death? And here I’ll ask you to remember the plot of flashbacks from S7. Because it’s only in the flashbacks of S7 where we find out… that Shiro was really going to die.

He was ill. Terminally ill. And he knew that soon the very time would come when he lay down in a hospital bed and would never leave its walls again. Yes, the Galra, who had big plans for their new champion, cured the disease, but Shiro didn’t know about it.

And this can serve as the main proof that yes – the flashbacks were indeed planned initially. And only the creators of the series know why they were introduced to the series so late. And they must be taken into account when we talk about Shiro’s storyline, as well as his relationship with Adam.

So where does Shiro’s journey actually begin? It’s unknown when exactly Shiro found out about his illness. Perhaps already in adulthood, or perhaps he even experienced difficulties when entering the Garrison, because the selection for pilots in terms of health has always been very strict. The main thing is different – how Shiro reacted to his illness. He turned out to be one of those people who decided that if they were destined to burn like a match, then they had to shine so as to eclipse the supernova. The entire closet in his house is filled with commemorative awards and diplomas; he’s called the best pilot of the Garrison in plain text. And that’s why his close friend, Professor Holt, decided to take him to Kerberos – this was a gift before his death. At that time, this would probably have been the highest achievement for a space pilot. The title of the discoverer of deep space for planet Earth. Gagarin of a new era, who, by the way, also died young – at 34.

Clear your mind. Now imagine your Lion.

At the same time, of course, it should be noted that Shiro as a whole was a selfless person, striving to take care of others. Perhaps it was a way for him to come to terms with impending death – to live for others, forgetting about himself. The presence of the disease made him a person who doesn’t think about his future and believes that his personal problems don’t matter. If he dies soon anyway, what’s the difference?

There was a difference, though not for Shiro himself. Adam is the very best friend of the hero who always remains in the shadows, behind his back. They started as co-pilots, friends and associates. They worked in one team. Pilots often work in pairs to duplicate each other, and Adam was the one to back Shiro on combat missions. And so their photo together was in the same closet where the awards that Shiro had so eagerly sought to receive were located.

And to better understand Adam… how do you think, who in this situation made sure that Shiro took pills on time, followed the regimen and went to the doctors? Despite the fact that Shiro chose the path of absolutely not giving a damn about his life.

I think the answer is obvious.

While Shiro dedicated his life to the stars and serving the community, Adam dedicated his life to caring for Shiro. And from a moral point of view, this is a very difficult role: to take care of an incurable patient, to take him to hospitals, to monitor his condition, to look at disappointing forecasts with despair, but still continue to fight the disease, winning if not a year, then at least a month… Shiro told Keith that he had only a year or two left, but I think Adam could have given more accurate numbers.

And the problem with this situation is that… Shiro didn’t look back. Only forward, only to the stars. And Adam couldn’t help but start wondering how much Shiro appreciated his efforts. Shiro had a couple of years of normal life left, and Adam wanted them to spend these years together, but then a dangerous, though truly starry peak appeared on the horizon, and of course, Shiro decided to conquer it, even though the high command spoke out against it…

But this is more than a mission, this is your life at stake.

And… Adam just couldn’t stand it. All these years he obediently covered his back, but now Shiro was going on a solo mission, and if something happened, Adam wouldn’t even have anything to bury. So he just left. Broken. It’s very hard to love and care for someone if you don’t feel the same in return.

Takashi, how important am I to you?

How did Shiro feel about this? Perhaps, at that particular moment, he even thought that it would be better this way, because Adam one way or another would have to continue to live without him. Being a selfless person, he probably wanted Adam to be happy after his death, and in order to move on, the dead must be left in the past.

I’m going on a mission.

It didn’t even occur to him that Adam would fulfill his promise in the most literal sense. And that the very question «How important am I to you?» would remain unanswered.

This was the starting point of his journey. The journey of a person who, due to illness, began to regard his life and problems as something insignificant. A person who’s used to devaluing his personal needs and health. And it’s the question of depreciation that runs like a red thread throughout his entire storyline.

Only… it’s easy to devalue your health and feelings when you’re generally a happy person. Maybe Shiro even wanted to die before becoming a helpless vegetable. Better to die a hero than live bedridden. But then the Galra appeared in his life – the very variable that he couldn’t take into account. And uninvited guests «rewarded» him not only with good health, but also with strong PTSD. After all, Shiro, like all other paladins, including Allura, grew up without war. He didn’t know the war. The difficult tasks that Shiro had to solve in space came from an aggressive environment, not from aggressive neighbors. The last war on Earth took place long before his birth.

And Shiro was really shocked when he met the Galra. «We’re unarmed, what are you doing?» – quite a classic reaction of a person who lived in a prosperous, peaceful society. There were thousands of them – boys who, from their usual peaceful environment, unexpectedly went to war, and then returned as crippled combatants. And PTSD in Shiro’s situation is a tragic, but quite natural development of events.

If you open some serious scientific text on PTSD (and I found one, not even a very old one – 2015 edition), then it’ll be written there that one of the main problems of sufferers of PTSD is that they don’t perceive symptoms as one whole and just don’t understand that they need help. And a man like Shiro thought that amnesia, flashbacks and nightmares were his own problem, which shouldn’t prevent him from playing the important role of leader and nanny of other paladins. No, under favorable conditions, PTSD can really go away on its own – new emotions and positive experience repeatedly assure a person that now everything will be fine, and after a certain time his psyche relaxes. But Shiro didn’t have such conditions. He sharply turned out to be the most important and eldest in the company of children, and his task was not to go into space to conduct experiments, but to stop the aggression of a huge empire. And his PTSD from the acute phase just turned into a chronic one.

And here we need to briefly recall how PTSD affects a person. PTSD is a state when tragedy doesn’t let go, when a person continues to cycle through events, and as a result begins to fear their repetition. And he spends all his efforts to prevent this from happening. The simplest case: I was bitten by a dog – so I’ll avoid all dogs. By keeping my distance, I’ll be safe.

And all of Shiro’s changes – his desire to control the situation, his bitterness throughout the series – it all grows out of this. And that’s not even considering the influence of Haggar. Ever wonder why the clone had the memory of the real Shiro? Because Haggar thrust her fingers into Shiro’s mind and didn’t want to let go. As she appropriated the souls of the old paladins, so she did with Shiro, and then used him to protect herself from the White Lion. Only in S7 Allura managed to rid Shiro of the last fragments of this influence.

I won’t listen to you!

Are you saying this to Sendak or to your memory?

Fortunately, Keith was next to Shiro. At the time of their first acquaintance, Keith was still a child whom Shiro took into care. Shiro saw in him that very problematic teen who needed support, and naturally he couldn’t pass by. Under his leadership, Keith became more balanced and was able to reveal his pilot talent. Shiro saw potential in him and wanted to help Keith channel his energies in a positive direction.

Keith, being a lonely child and an orphan, saw Shiro as his only close person and naturally couldn’t agree that Shiro’s health and well-being were something unimportant and unnecessary. He was ready to tear his veins in order to save the only semblance of a family that he had, and thus repeatedly proved to Shiro that yes, Shiro was important, that yes, he must live, because his life was valuable even without victories and awards. Keith literally forced Shiro to accept help, forced him to put up with the fact that Shiro couldn’t always control the situation. Keith helped Shiro learn to rely on others again.

And that’s why they win Sendak together. Sendak has been Shiro’s personal enemy since the first episode, but the truth is, alas, that Sendak and Shiro are fighters of different weight classes. Sendak is more than ten thousand years old, he’s a Galra from the days of old Daibazaal, he was trained personally by Zarkon. There were only three fighters of this level in the universe at that time, and, unfortunately, Shiro wasn’t included in this three. And Lotor wasn’t allowed to kill Sendak, otherwise it would have been a shame that Lotor had killed all the main enemies of the paladins.

Shiro objectively couldn’t defeat Sendak alone. And that’s why Shiro killed Sendak together with Keith – Shiro accepted his help and said not «How many times will you save me again?», but a simple «Thank you».

But then… after S7 everything goes downhill. And scraps of Shiro’s story arc stick out like torn threads. And this applies to two aspects:

Shiro’s personal life;

his being a paladin;

First, I’ll tell you about him as a paladin. Despite the fact that Shiro is no longer a Black Paladin, the last episodes of S8 clearly show us that he’s still a paladin. His eyes also shine along with everyone else, and… against a WHITE background. And the background at that moment was the color of the paladin’s Lion.

Because Shiro became a White Paladin, although this has never been officially confirmed. Most likely, this moment fell under the carving knife along with many other cut scenes. But we still can trace the general outline of this story arc.

And here we need to remember the Alteans and their culture. The Alteans had a real cult of sacrifice, most likely as a consequence of the potential danger of the alchemists (say hello to Honerva). Therefore, the test on Oriande isn’t a check on whether you’re good or bad, but a check on the conformity of belonging to the Altean culture.

Stage 1 is a pass from Honerva’s storage. Perhaps this pass was given to every alchemist without any explanation of how to use it. The alchemist had to guess it, but Honerva for some reason couldn’t. And only an Altean could get such a pass.

Stage 2 is checking basic knowledge. In the space age, the ability to use the Teludav was most likely a must-have for any alchemist.

Stage 3 is the most important. White Lion, testing not your moral qualities, but your belonging to the culture of the Alteans. Understanding the cult of sacrifice. That’s why Lotor didn’t pass this stage – his upbringing is different. A true Galra must not die for his homeland, he must make his enemies die for their own.

But Shiro, one might say, is the ideal member of this cult. Pass a sea of quintessence through yourself so that Professor Holt can hack the ship? Yes, please, he doesn’t mind. The White Lion appreciated that. More precisely, the White Lion appreciated Shiro even earlier, when Honerva used Shiro’s soul to pass the trial. And Shiro… actually passed the trial of sacrifice in her place. The White Lion saw him and realized that Shiro was really selfless to the extent that a true Altean should be selfless.

And Atlas didn’t transform into a robot because the brilliant Professor Holt was able to build a second Voltron. It happenned because the White Lion came and said to the other Lions: «Hold my beer, now I’ll show you how to save the universe». By sacrificing himself, Shiro initiated himself as a White Paladin, and combined with the Castle’s crystal this allowed him to summon the Lion to the Atlas.

A very important nuance in fact. But it flies past us, forcing us to wonder how a huge bucket of nuts from the backward Earth managed to catch up with the creation of King Alfor.

The loss of the second aspect of Shiro’s storyline was so great that couldn’t be unnoticed. Shiro abruptly lost touch with other paladins, and his behavior became authoritarian and aggressive. As if as soon as Shiro sat in the admiral’s chair, power hit him in the head.

And then at the end of the story, he unexpectedly quits his job and marries a random character. I’m sorry, what?! O_o

For unknown reasons, someone abruptly decided to delete Shiro’s line from the story, due to which the character completely lost the logic of his behavior. And we can only guess what was really there, armed with common sense and a reference book on psychology.

The most obvious line that was cut (of which I’m 90% sure) is the line of Adam’s death. When Shiro learns about Adam’s death in S7, he remembers his name with great anguish. Until then, the thought that Adam might die before him seemed inconceivable to Shiro. And here he was left alone with the very last question, to which he never gave an answer. And when Shiro says that «their deaths won’t be in vain», he speaks first of all about Adam. And he rushes into space «to do good» with thoughts of Adam. Despite the fact that the Galra Empire is no longer there, there’s no one to fight with. Only to catch small associations throughout the universe that do no more harm than ordinary pirates, and in most cases they just try to survive. Shiro in S8 behaves exactly like Allura in S1, who shook her fist and threatened all Galra with revenge in a desire to fulfill the command of her deceased father and save the universe.

Adam…

He never told Adam that he was really important to him, and tried to express these words with his actions. And against the background of this grief, which remained unmourned in the series, the wedding looks weird. He didn’t refuse Kerberos mission for the sake of Adam, but gave up his life’s work for the sake of the first comer.

All Shiro’s experiences, all his pain were simply put under the knife, as if it never existed. As a result, we got a character whose behavior changed dramatically, as if instead of Shiro there’s again another clone.

And if you evaluate the arc from the point of common sense, Shiro should have shared his grief with his friends. With Keith at least. Express it, rather than go through this stress alone. Otherwise, it turns out that Shiro’s entire storyline was just about nothing. So many times Keith saved him, but he still continued to keep all the problems in himself, not telling anyone about them.

It truly feels like the light has gone out in our lives

The rest of the storylines have no real confirmation, except for theories, so I won’t describe them. Moreover, against the background of the main experience mentioned above, they look less significant and practically don’t affect the plot.

The epilogue of Shiro in the original script, most likely, was supposed to be a significant political position, but a peacemaker, not an aggressor. The conduct of diplomatic negotiations between the races, which flashed for a couple of seconds, fits well into this image.

Now let’s talk about Keith. It’s even sadder with the end of his arc, because it’s completely lost. And as a result, instead of normal development, Keith sharply turned into Marty Stu. And I have to admit, probably the Keith’s storyline in S8 is what comes second on my list called «Things That Piss Me Off In This Season». Only Romelle’s storyline pisses me off more than Keith’s one. And the reasons why it pisses me off can be divided into two categories:

Category 1 – Keith as a «good Galra»

Category 2 – Keith as a «great leader»

I don’t like the first one for one simple reason: Keith is not a Galra. Because belonging to a people isn’t determined by a set of genes. Because any nation is primarily a language, culture and history. When an invader wants to demonstrate his power, he forbids the people to speak their native language. And the fact that Keith is very similar to his mom doesn’t make him a Galra. Keith was born on Earth, raised on Earth and is psychologically an Earthling. He’s an Earthling with Galran blood, nothing more, nothing less. And that’s why, when he tells Lahn that he’s also a Galra, Lahn replies something like «You don’t say» with obvious skepticism in his voice. Because the Galra are a people with a very ancient culture and their own special collective psychology, and all this can’t simply be inherited through genes. Through genes, only temperament is inherited, and a certain belonging to culture in a person appears only during upbringing. Moreover, in the series we see an example of the fact that no matter how strong the desire to become a part of another culture is, it doesn’t always help. Who is this example? The answer is simple – Lotor.

Lotor has spent his entire life studying the culture of the Alteans, and he’s nearly ten thousand years old. But at the same time he was born among the Galra, was brought up by the Galra and lived according to the principles of the Galra. As a result, Oriande said goodbye to him. Lotor wanted to be part of the Alteans, but he couldn’t – despite the fact that he’s half Altean. Half the blood didn’t help him in any way.

But for some reason, Keith has suddenly become a real «good Galra» just by the wave of a magic wand. Despite the fact that he never showed interest in the Galran culture, and even among the Blades he remained on his own special wave. He felt at home among the Blades not because he was a Galra, but because Galran society was historically formed to be able to live in close groups and get along with each other. And when Keith went to the Blades, they just took him under their wing, and thereby gave him what he needed then. Therefore, this is why Keith felt that he belonged, not because of some mythical voice of blood.

The second category is worth talking about after analyzing Keith’s storyline.

Keith’s storyline is the Hero’s Journey. Almost a classic version. A young man must leave the comfort zone, perform a feat, receive a reward for this feat, and return home matured after the trials he has endured.

The reward for Keith is finding a family, and his trial is becoming a leader. Now remember his epilogue. Do you remember what happened there?

In the epilogue, Keith never appeared with his family – neither with Shiro, nor with Krolia, nor with Kolivan, but he got a chance to take the imperial throne. The trial was turned into a reward, and Lotor’s generals, almost strangers to him, became his circle of friends. Who, by the way, betrayed Lotor, so Keith should watch his back.

It looks so cute, if you forget that Zethrid has problems with aggression, and Ezor is a hidden sadist…

Just because Keith had to become a leader doesn’t mean he wanted to be. The fact that he has assumed responsibilities doesn’t mean that he has dreamed of fulfilling them all his life. But, in order not to be unfounded, let’s take a closer look at how Keith’s personality changes according to the plot.

The Hero’s Journey of Keith

Stage 1. Everyday World

To understand what his Call to Adventure was, as well as the Unknown World and the Trial, you need to look at where it all started.

After the decision was made to change S8, Keith was compared to Lotor, despite the fact that they’re two completely different people with completely different fates. And if Lotor’s childhood was stable and predetermined (from birth he was in the hands of the governess and from birth he knew that his destiny was to rule the Galra), the situation with Keith turned out to be radically opposite. He knew nothing about his mother, except that she was missing. It was even sadder with his father – he died, leaving behind only a dagger. It’s sadder, because it was the father who embodied for Keith the stability and security that every child needs. And although everyone said that Heath died as a hero, Keith, who ended up in an orphanage, didn’t get any easier from this knowledge. The exact period of his father’s death wasn’t named, but most likely Keith at that moment was at least 6-7 years old, mature enough to remember his parent well.

Keith was by nature a classic introverted child (which, by the way, isn’t a Galran character trait at all) who needs his own corner and wants to be able to be alone in this corner. An introvert prefers that his social circle is limited to a certain list of people, and he’s morally stressed by the constant need to be in society, since he’s simply mentally tired of this.

But, alas, the orphanage isn’t the place where they will give you your own room when you want to be alone. And against the background of a hot temper, this led to the fact that Keith didn’t get along with the children and educators. He desperately wanted to regain the very cozy world where he and a strong loving dad were, but those around him simply couldn’t give it.

Ultimately, this resulted both in the absence of friends, and in the reluctance of educators to spend time on him. After all, they had others – talented, not problematic, excellent pupils with perfect discipline. And without support – especially the support of wise adults – Keith has turned into a kind of a little mouse that wants to sit in a mouse hole, categorically unwilling to protrude into this dangerous unknown world, where everyone can offend him. And if this tiny mouse does get out, it begins to run and grind its teeth on everyone, so that every potential aggressor knows that this mouse, although small, can bite you.

Stage 2. Call to Adventure. The first Mentor appears

Maybe you’ve got what it takes?

At first glance, it may seem that the Blue Lion has become the Call to Adventure for Keith. But in fact, the Unknown World for Keith was not distant space, but life itself. And this Call happened much earlier than the events of the first episode.

Namely, the appearance of Shiro. The very moment when he came to school to tell the children about piloting and offer to play the simulator. The big man saw this very little mouse sitting in the corner and offered him his hand. He offered to show that the world outside the mouse hole isn’t so scary, and even interesting and wonderful.

What did our mouse do in the first moment? That’s right, he bit this hand. Keith perceived Shiro as another potential aggressor and didn’t want to make contact.

But Shiro’s tenacity was beyond measure. He told Keith over and over again that he needed to be bolder. He showed him the spaceship and told him about the astronauts who weren’t afraid to go into the unknown. He jumped off the cliff with him, demonstrating by his example his willingness to step towards this terrible frightening thing called life. And he explained that even such a flight can be controlled if you’re prepared for it in advance.

The mouse bit him on the finger, but he continued to offer his hand, promising to protect and help, to become a guide in the world around him, and under the guidance of Shiro, our tiny animal got out of the hole and began to gradually look around. Keith kept snapping at the people around him, but Shiro’s guardianship helped him start to feel a kind of security and certainty. He got a new father figure in Shiro and began to stabilize mentally.

But this process was cut short in the middle.

The first alarming call was the news about the illness. Keith of course told Shiro that he’s grown up enugh for this kind of news, but just remember how hysterically he spoke about it. The possibility of losing a father figure (for the second time!), guaranteeing stability and security, seemed daunting to Keith. He didn’t want to believe it, he refused to believe it, and by the events of the first season he simply threw this knowledge out of his head as unwanted information.

But then something happened that we already know. The expedition with Shiro disappeared, and the mouse, left without a protector, scaredly bit everyone who was nearby, and at the first cosmic speed rushed back into the hole. Keith quarreled with others and was expelled from the Garrison for deviant behavior, and then returned to his old house, where he once lived with his father. We now know that Heath lived there because he was guarding the Blue Lion, but then Keith simply returned to that one place where he felt comfortable and safe.

2.1 Supernatural Aid

As the saying goes, sometimes a decisive step forward is the result of a good kick from behind. Either the Blue Lion sensed the approach of the Galra, or she was simply bored, but she started sending Keith signals to go to look for the «anomaly» and, in the end, brought all the main characters of the series to her.

And by the will of the magic princess, for a more comfortable confrontation with the world around him, Keith receives a transforming sword, a stylish suit and a mechanical cat with character.

2.2 Refusal of the Call

No, I can’t take it.

Keith refused the Call from the beginning. But. Up to this point, Shiro played the role of the Good Father: he didn’t demand that Keith decide something himself, he stroked his head and persuaded him to trust father’s decisions. He took full responsibility for himself, allowing Keith to remain in the role of a child.

Now, with the arrival of the Galra, everything has changed. Shiro was no longer the same, and the world around him wasn’t the same. Shiro found himself in a situation where he was appointed commander-in-chief in a war against a huge hostile empire, and instead of the army he was given a handful of teenagers. Moreover, Shiro was sincerely convinced that he would soon become incapacitated, and the newly acquired PTSD demanded to keep everything under control. This means that he – Shiro – must take care of everything, including what will happen when he can no longer lead the team.

And in this situation, it turned out that Shiro really knew well only Keith. He knew what Keith could, and he knew Keith was trustworthy. In Shiro’s eyes, there was no longer a child, but a rather grown up guy, and Shiro treated him as an equal. And he began not to persuade Keith to go forward, holding his hand – he began to insist that Keith go and lead the others.

If you become a leader, you’ll have to act wisely.

From that moment, from a Good Father, Shiro began to gradually turn into an Evil Father, who demands that his son pull himself together and grow up. The Evil Father isn’t actually bad, he loves his son, but he believes that it’s time for the boy to stop being afraid of the outside world and become a man.

But Keith wasn’t ready yet. The child has just learned to stand on trembling legs, but here they’re demanding that he not only run forward, but also drag someone along with him.

So Keith began to refuse. To give up not so much the role of a leader as the obligation to take responsibility for himself. From the obligation to become an adult.

But the more the son resists, the angrier the father becomes. Because you can’t hide forever, and you can’t remain a child forever. Sooner or later, a moment may come when a father, out of love for his son, simply throws him out of the nest so that he forcibly learns to fly.

Stage 3. First Threshold. The second Mentor appears

3.1 Threshold Guardians

Trials can only have two outcomes.

First Threshold is the line that the hero needs to pass in order to enter a new unknown world. In Keith’s case, a new, unexplored world of maturity. At this turn, depending on the behavior of the protagonist, he’s met by either the Threshold Guardians or the Belly of a Whale.

What’s the difference? In the first case, the hero meets the Guardians, and they check the hero, whether he’s ready to cross this line. And only after passing their check, the hero receives permission to go further. In the second case, the hero is metaphorically killed, that is, he’s forced to change so that he meets the necessary requirements for entering a new unknown world.

Knowledge or death.

In Keith’s case, the first scenario happened. And Kolivan, accompanied by the Blades, becomes the Guardian at the turn of the new adult life. The one who will later become Keith’s guide through this world.

When the Blades meet Keith, they demand that he return the dagger to them, but Keith refuses. The fact is that for Keith the dagger embodied the very bright past that he desperately wanted to return. The last connection with that wonderful childhood, where he and his loving dad were. And the hope that if he tries, if he’s lucky, he’ll understand what this dagger means, and will know who he is and where he belongs. Where is his home and family.

But the Blades, as Guardians of the threshold of maturity, ask Keith how much he’s willing to give for this last hope. What are his priorities. For a very long time Keith turned away from people, from the whole world, in order to cherish dreams of a bright past in his head. And then he was forced to ask the question: how much he values these dreams. And he had to answer. Give the answer not to them, but to himrself.

Ultimately, between a childhood dream of a family and an adult responsibility to others, Keith chooses the latter. He passes the test of his willingness to begin the journey to maturity, and the Guardians let him through.

But think: what marks the passage of this milestone for Keith?

It’s marked by the battle with Zarkon, in which Shiro is killed and merged with the Black Lion.

Moreover, after these events, Shiro, in the person of Kuron, finally turns into the Evil Father. He simply refuses to lead Keith by the hande. And he inherits the Black Lion and the title of the Black Paladin.

Remember my words about throwing a chick out of the nest?

This is exactly what Shiro did. By becoming one with the Black Lion, he forcibly made Keith the Black Paladin.

Stage 4. Road of Trials

You wanted me to lead Voltron? This is the kind of leader I am.

It’s difficult to say how correct this decision was. Rather, Shiro simply didn’t see other options, since the Black Lion itself was made for an adult, responsible leader, and such ones don’t lie on the road.

And Keith, who was left with no choice, began his journey. On his trembling legs, the child began to walk forward, constantly falling and dropping the rest of the children following him. Naturally, he wasn’t happy about this. He constantly looked back, looking for thefsther figure and hoping to take him by the hand again. But dad saw was no longer a kid, but an adult and wasn’t going to help at all.

However, such a harsh decision did bear fruit. Other kids helped the main character; they walked tightly holding each other’s hands, and Keith began to feel grateful for the support and responsibility for the fact that when he falls, everyone else falls.

But then comes the second most important event in Keith’s life.

4.1 Test challenge & prepare hero

Shiro: Here’s the plan. Keith: Okay, team, we need to…

A sure sign: two housewives in the kitchen will lead to broken plates.

To accurately understand the meaning of this stage, I’ll briefly describe this stage in understandable language: this is the moment when the main character tries to defeat the main boss of the game for the first time. The main boss kicks him, but doesn’t kill, and the main character retreats, realizing that his level is too low.

And yes, the main boss of Keith’s game is the Evil Father in the person of Kuron. Kind dad has become a terrible dragon, and the boy must figure out what to do with it.

Kuron-Shiro returns. He returns, and the paladins receive not one, but two Black Paladins at once, which entails the need to establish a hierarchy. Because two drivers can’t sit behind the wheel at once – sooner or later a conflict will begin.

And on the one hand, Kuron actively advocates for Keith to be in command, and on the other hand, out of habit, gives instructions himself. And Keith needs to enter into some kind of rivalry in order to arrange roles and finally establish himself as a leader.

The boy has just begun to walk firmly, and dad is already offering to run a hundred meters for a bet.

And what does Keith do in this situation? He runs away He runs away to the Blades because he feels completely unprepared for such a challenge.

There’s only one question: why to the Blades? At first glance, the answer seems obvious: Keith learned that he was half Galra, saw his own kind in the Blades and decided to go to them. This is exactly what the paladins thought, and therefore they forgave Keith for such a decision.

In reality, the main motivating reason wasn’t race, but the behavior of the Blades in relation to Keith. More precisely – Kolivan’s behavior.

You broke protocol.

Statement of fact without any punishment.

If Shiro saw Keith as an adult and treated him like an adult, then for Kolivan – from the height of his past centuries – Keith was still a child. Colivan didn’t read him speeches about the need to become a leader and didn’t arrange competitions, and therefore, faced with an insurmountable obstacle, Keith simply fled under his wing.

And he got in Kolivan exactly the one he needed all these long years. Kolivan saw how the boy was unstable on his feet, took his hand and led him. He didn’t require Keith to walk on his own, but didn’t interfere with his attempts to do so. And he didn’t threaten with this terrible word «responsibility», but only reminded that every action has consequences, that if Keith falls in his desire to rush forward without looking, it will hurt.

You didn’t consider that something could have happenned to you.

Kolivan didn’t go easy on him, because such behavior was contrary to the Galran culture based on survival. But under his leadership, Keith became calmer, more concentrated and more confident in himself. He was in the position of an ordinary soldier, and therefore he wasn’t required to make decisions. On the other hand, Kolivan kept him nearby and from his example Keith learned what it means to be a leader.

Shiro: You must defeat the dragon! Keith: o_o Dragon called Life: You can’t defeat me, hero! Keith: O_O Kolivan: Dayak’s Galran Recreational School offers dragon-fighting training services Keith: Six months, please.

The evil Shiro demanded that Keith go ahead and lead everyone. Kolivan the mentor showed Keith how to do it.

The long-lost father returned home, and the child, having ceased to fear for his future, finally regained his balance. He began to stand harder on his feet and walk harder, because he felt that now he wouldn’t fall.

Again, speaking in gaming language, up to this point, Keith was offered to level up in locations with enemies above his level. It went slowly, the enemies were killed badly, and they could also kill Keith himself, and then he would lose experience and go back. Now he found a location with enemies of his level, and the process went quickly, fervently and without unnecessary risk.

Stage 5. Nadir/Abyss

So, Keith has leveled up and is ready to face his dragon again. What happens to him when he comes close to the moment X?

5.1 Meeting with the Goddess

The Goddess embodies for the Hero the personification of unconditional love, as the beginning of life. And meeting with her allows the protagonist to learn this aspect and understand that life is not only a series of suffering.

And here I can’t help but remember that initially a pairing with Acxa was planned for Keith, but then, to the great joy of some of the fans, this pairing was cut out. Since I hate it when the screenwriters cut a ready-made script, I can’t say that I’m satisfied with this fact, but at the same time I can’t but admit that this pairing practically didn’t play any role for Keith’s storyline. In Keith’s storyline, pairing isn’t at all important or even needed, because an abandoned child needs a completely different manifestation of love.

And his mother becomes his Goddess, the one who bestows unconditional love. Kolivan – who probably quickly guessed whose son Keith was – gives Keith a task and sends him to meet with Krolia. Subsequently, they travel together for several years, allowing Keith to satisfy the need for maternal love and close the state of his relationship with the maternal figure.

5.2 Woman as Temptress

And here we’re beginning to say hello to the edited S8. Temptress or Deceiver. A person encountered on the path of the protagonist, who takes advantage of his weaknesses and manipulates him for their own purposes. Historically, most often this person appears in the image of a seductive woman, because:

men in life easily trust beauties;

intrigue is a favorite female way of achieving a goal

Keith’s Journey at this stage is still a classic version, but thanks to the people who edited S8 this moment is completely lost. And it’s very bad.

Because the moment disappears when the hero realizes that he was deceived. When he realizes that his weaknesses have been taken advantage of. When he realizes that weaknesses can’t be indulged if you don’t want bad consequences.

So who is our very woman-temptress? That’s right, this is a sweet helpless girl Romelle, tearing out the metal sheathing with her bare hands and knocking out the hatches with her foot. (In this meta, I went through the scenes with Romelle in detail to explain why I consider her a liar )

Keith, look at those sad innocent eyes, how can you not believe them? Look how lonely she is, how she suffers after losing her brother.

What is Keith doing? Keith makes a stand: I see the goal, I believe in myself, I don’t notice obstacles.

When they flew to the moon base, he was already mentally prepared to see evidence of Lotor’s villainy. At the base, they didn’t see either guards or any warehouses with quintessence, but he immediately concluded that Lotor would get it from the Alteans. Why? Because «Do first, think later» is the main motto of the Red Paladin. After all, they were following the trail of the blue quintessence, and Romelle said that Lotor was taking away the Alteans. And Keith hastily decided that there’s a direct connection between the two events.

In mathematical logic, there’s such a concept as necessary and sufficient conditions. A sufficient condition is a condition that is sufficient to declare that the theory is correct. A necessary condition is a condition without which it’s impossible to prove that a theory is correct. The sufficient condition can’t exist without the necessary, but the necessary condition can’t replace the sufficient.

And it so happened that Keith used the necessary condition as sufficient and as a result came to the wrong conclusions. And inspired by righteous rage, our protector of the innocent flew to punish the big bad Lotor. Punished, well done. So that the whole universe backfired.

5.3 Atonement with Father

Here it is, here is the main moment of the feat. When the hero is faced with the dual figure of the father: both a protector and a tyrant. Literally dual in the face of Shiro and Kuron.

Kit tries to save the Good Father, Shiro, and at the same time – save the last echo of his childhood. But the Good Father says that he’s lost forever and can’t be returned in any way, and Keith has to come to terms with this. Because his friends need him. Because paladins need their leader.

And only at this moment, when Keith agrees to give up childhood and accept responsibility, he comes to terms with his father figure.

The Evil Father waited until his son became an adult, and ceased to be a source of fear and aggression. Kuron and Shiro merge, returning not Good or Evil, but just a Father to Keith. Not an all-powerful protector, but a person who’s ready to support his son and needs to be supported.

The feat was finally accomplished. The dragon is defeated without firing a shot.

But is this the end? No, this is not at all the end of the Hero’s Journey, but only the middle. The only problem is that the next stage – leading up to the recieving of the award – has been ripped out of Keith’s storyline.

But this is the most important stage.

Stage 6. Transformation

Having accomplished the feat, the hero changes internally and looks at the world with new eyes.

This stage for Keith began in S7 and should have reached its top by the middle, if not the end of S8.

Keith stopped running from responsibility. He agreed to become a leader. But he must also understand how to do it correctly. Draw conclusions from everything that happened in the past.

Shiro taught him to be decisive and not afraid of the unknown. Keith learned this lesson.

Now it’s time to learn Kolivan’s lesson. A lesson of realizing that every action has its consequences. And that you need to calculate and think before you do something.

But thanks to the changes in S8, instead of a process of awareness, instead of seeing the consequences of his actions and drawing conclusions, Keith suddenly turned into a «wise leader», infallible and invincible. So wise that he even teaches Zarkon.

Keith. Teaches. Zarkon.

You know, I sincerely admire Zarkon as a person. A great warrior, a great strategist, a wise ruler who concluded peace treaties and alliances for the good of his people. A loving husband and father. He was mistaken in only one thing – when, in desperation, he risked everything to save his wife and son.

Whatever one may say, but this is the most well-written pairing of the series.

And even mad after the shock dose of the quintessence, he – having in his hands only a disadvantaged people and a handful of ships practically left without energy – managed to build the strongest empire in the universe.

And Keith teaches him. The same Keith, who more than once abandoned everything and everyone to save Shiro.

When I watched this scene, I wanted to say only one thing: boy, you are now lecturing a man who came out against your Red Lion with one bayard and almost rolled you into a pancake. And you screwed up so many times that the entire universe burns with a bright flame.

Who are you to teach him?

Neither you nor your whole bunch of paladins were able to defeat Zarkon. Lotor did it, in a fair one-on-one duel.

Who are you to look down on him and claim victory over him? You didn’t defeat him. You weren’t even with the team at that moment.

And who is Keith for the Galra to offer him the throne of the emperor? He’s a savior to Earth, but to the Galra he’s nothing. They don’t care that he’s a Black Paladin, but they know that the paladins of Voltron destroyed the empire and thus broke the lives of many representatives of their people.

I could understand if they tried to make Lahn the ruler. Lahn tried to save at least something left of the empire and took care of his people. Or Kolivan, although the Blades always tried to stay in the shadows. But Keith has done absolutely nothing for the Galra to claim such a title.

Child, instructing adults – quite silly content for children. And all I can do in this case is an endless facepalm.

Someone who seemed to have Keith as a favorite character decided to give him a cookie in the end. To take this cookie from another – hated – character and give it to Keith. True, Keith didn’t need it at all, but the main thing is that another – hated – character has lost his cookie.

But let’s get back to the Hero’s Journey. What was really going to happen there?

Fortunately for us, the initial outline of Keith’s transformation is still being felt. This allows us to make fairly strong assumptions, and not just poke a finger in the sky.

The first – the earliest demonstration of Keith’s internal changes – is the scene with Zethrid. The episode was added in S8, but let’s keep in mind that it was originally planned for the beginning of S7.

Keith forgives Zethrid. Remember what Keith did to any hurt he got as a child? He got into a fight. Why did he do it? Because an insecure, scared person is afraid to appear weak. Therefore, any aggression is immediately responded to, if suddenly someone decides that they can offend him with impunity.

You need to have inner strength and confidence in order to respond to aggression with calmness and mercy. Lotor forgave his generals not only out of sentimentality, but also because he was confident in his abilities. A person filled with inner strength remains calm and merciful even to enemies, because in his soul there’s no fear for his life.

Keith became more confident, and therefore calmer, and most importantly, more merciful. And he found the strength to understand Zethrid, forgive and respond to her aggression with compassion.

There’s nothing special about killing your enemy. True valor is needed to understand them and forgive them. And he needed it, it took him later at the end of S7 to learn an important new lesson.

Unfortunately, to really understand the essence of my reasoning below, you’ll need to read my meta about Admiral Sanda. There’s a lot written there, and I wouldn’t want to drag it all here, so I’ll just build my ideas on what I wrote there.

Now I’ll return to the most recent events of S7. When the team of paladins ends up in prison and learns that it was Admiral Sanda’s fault.

Have you ever wondered why at the moment of confession we’re shown Keith’s face? And what was that face like?

Keith had been running away from the title of leader for so long, because even then he realized that this was a difficult role. Keith became a leader against his will and felt that he was carrying a huge burden.

But becoming more self-confident, more mature, Keith also learned to be more indulgent towards other people’s mistakes.

He understood Sanda because he knew how terrible it was to hold other people’s lives in his hands. And he forgave her, because he found the strength to respond to the stab in the back with compassion.

And Sanda taught him something that no one had ever taught him. Neither Kolivan nor Shiro.

Sanda taught him how to behave as a leader if he realized that he had made a total mistake.

She made no excuses, throwing the blame on Sam Holt.

She didn’t quarrel with the paladins, proving her case to the last.

When she realized that she was mistaken, thereby substituting people who depend on her, she admitted she was wrong. She admitted and asked for forgiveness. And she did everything to fix it – standing up to protect the paladins in a moment of danger.

And this is the most difficult option for taking responsibility. Taking responsibility for the fact that your actions have hurt other people. Who aren’t obliged to forgive you just because you threw up your hands and said «I’m sorry».

And Keith, whose actions brought trouble on dozens, if not hundreds of planets, badly needed this lesson. Sanda, without knowing it, gave Keith advice on how to act in such a situation, and later – in S8 – Keith began to use this advice.

When? Remember the conversation with Lahn. Did Keith have any need to reveal that it was he and Krolia who released the monster? No. Would Lahn ever know about this? Also no. Only Keith and Krolia knew why this creature was free. They might have shoved responsibility on the long-dead Galra, and no one could ever prove otherwise.

But Keith felt guilty for the death of Lahn’s subordinates and felt it right to confess. To take the responsibility. Would Keith from the first seasons, who sought to hide from responsibility behind his Father’s back, have done this? No. That Keith would have said nothing.

The completion of Keith’s Transformation stage, alas, is associated with the return of Lotor and therefore has been completely cut out. After the events of Clear Day, the true details of the events on the Altean colony were to surface, and Keith had to decide how to react to this information.

One thing I can say for sure: a conversation with Zarkon would have had a completely different tone. It’s unlikely that Zarkon would have been struck to tears by the fact that he fought with the entire universe, because for the Galra, all life is war. But he wouldn’t forgive himself an attempt to kill his own child. He wouldn’t forgive himself for the betrayal of his only son.

And Keith, from the height of his guilt – after all, it was he who left Lotor to die – couldn’t help but try to support Zarkon in this moment. And in the end, Zarkon would talk to him about responsibility, not that «Galra blood is cool, it made you a leader».

Upbringing made Keith a leader, the Galra blood gave him only beautiful eyes and chic hair.

Stage 7. Apotheosis

The hero receives his reward, consolidates the experience gained and sets new goals for himself.

Everything is quite simple here. The Blades in the face of Kolivan and Krolia join the celebration of life again, and they all decide what to do with Honerva. Keith has a mom, dad and an older brother. Keith paid off his debts, got his family, and the only obstacle to returning a quiet life is Honerva, not Keith’s personal problems.

Stage 8. Return Threshold

8.1 Refusal of the Return

About this, alas, nothing is known. The only thing I can assume is a state when a person who has returned from the war can’t learn to live peacefully again. In the case of Keith, he’s used to being the leader of the paladins and perhaps so got used to this role that he will no longer want to leave it. But whether Keith had this in reality is unknown.

8.2 Magic Flight

Flight of the paladins between realities on the mega-Voltron.

8.3 Rescue from Without

The Lion Goddess helps the paladins follow Honerva.

8.4 Final Challenge

Paladins meet Honerva in the space between realities. Allura and Lotor leave to restore the worlds, the guys return home.

Stage 9. Return

Free life, the hero becomes the master of his destiny. Epilogue.

From my point of view, there could be no disbandment of the Blades of Marmora. There are enough problems in the universe to require the services of an elite combat unit. And Keith could have stayed there as Kolivan’s assistant. It’s a bit early for the leadership, and it’s not a fact that Keith wants this. By the standards of the Galra, he’s still a very young man, with a whole life ahead of him. Surely there would be scenes with family and friends. Keith should be shown as a serene mature person.

What conclusions can be drawn from everything described above? Well, I personally understood for myself why it was Keith who gained such wild popularity among fans. Monomyth, as always, worked flawlessly and took the minds of people with it. I’m even beginning to suspect that the screenwriters simply took Campbell’s book and used it as a scheme for work, as Lucas once did when creating the old Star Wars trilogy. Keith had every chance of becoming Luke Skywalker of VLD, but, alas, not with that ending.

It’s a pity that such a wonderful work was let down the drain, I hope the screenwriters will please us in the future, and the result of their work will fall into more gracious hands.

#voltron #team voltron #VLD #keith #voltron keith #shiro #voltron shiro

10 notes · View notes

mychemicalxmen · 4 years

Text

aight here’s the tea on TUA and “It’s Not Like in the Movies” from the Superhero musical

Thank you so much to @mycosmicspacestorm for the excuse to go off on this!! This is probably wayyyy more than you expected, but I just feel like bein a nerd rn. Much love. <3

*Here’s the song on spotify.

*Basically, for me, it hits that vibe of when someone asks you what TUA is about and you want to say it’s a superhero show because it technically is but it also sure as hell don’t feel like it, in tone and plot but especially in the fact that the Academy itself was a really unconventional superhero force. *I’m coining the term Duty Bros to mean 1, 2, and 5, the siblings who seem primarily driven by a sense of duty/responsibility. (Luther with his moon mission, Diego with his vigilante justice, and Five with stopping the apocalypse.) These brothers actively want to save the world and know they’re perfectly capable of doing so. (Allison and Klaus, on the other hand, seem to have been running from responsibility their entire adult lives and are only just now making an effort to change that.)

*Like I kinda alluded to in the tags, there’s two ways I like to imagine this song. If you don’t worry too much about the lyric-by-lyric parallels, you could picture it as Diego/Klaus explaining his past to Eudora/Dave for the first time. The subtext being “Yeah, so here’s this thing that made me Who I Am Right Now, and no one really knows/remembers that about me. No, it’s not how you think it would be. Also, it left me with a ton of weird baggage, so even though I like you, it’s probably best if you keep your distance from me”. The other way is this super abstract Oops All Siblings animatic/amv.

ok let’s go No one can get too close. No one can get inside of you. No one can know the secrets that you keep. Your head is always down, hoping that people slide past you, Almost as if you’re walking in your sleep. I feel this for all of the Hargreeves. All of them have trauma. All of them have walls. All of them have secrets. All of them have behavioral, psychological, and/or physical scars from childhood. (Five, especially, has a hell of a wall between him and the rest of humanity, and he has no time to be noticed in 2019 while trying to save the world.) And most of them aren’t especially eager to be recognized as one of the Academy kids. And you can’t cry, though you hurt. You are always on alert. Though you try and you fly, people die.

ngl, this lyric is pretty weak, but it kinda fits with the Duty Bros. This is what they’ve decided to do, but you can’t save everybody, and there’s no time to be sad about it. Alternatively: “Yo, I’ve seen some shit since I was 12.”

It’s not like in the movies, where the hero’s loved and known. It’s not like in the movies; I spend my days alone.

Again, they’re not recognized as the Academy anymore. They walked away. And currently, they’re all living in some form of isolation. Allison not having a family of her own anymore; Luther on the moon; Klaus’s struggles, etc.

I don’t even get a hug from the kid stuck in the tree. It’s not like in the movies; No one knows it’s me.

The Duty bros can’t really reap any tangible rewards from their service. They barely get recognition. And none of them really got suitable gratification for the missions they did as kids. No real connection to the outside world. You don’t drive a tricked-out car. You don’t work at a lab or the Daily Planet for a boss who yells but has a heart of gold.

The Handler doesn’t yell but bitch doesn’t have a heart of gold either. You don’t bleed or scrape or scar – well, at least not on the outside – And you’re at your peak, though you can’t help feeling old. Snarky Five line. New body who dis. You’re always tired, but you can’t rest. You often lose, though you’ve done your best. There’s no parade, no city key. Just anonymity. It’s not like in the movies. It’s a little more complex. It’s not like in the movies. No CGI effects. I don’t get to learn life lessons from my human family. It’s not like in the movies. No one knows it’s me.

Same stuff as before. The Hargreeves in general. Certain aspects of their careers as children were glamorous, but others really really weren’t. And now all the glamor they once had is gone. I’ve tried to walk away, so I won’t wake each day To cries of anguish in my head.

This could be pretty damn relevant to Klaus, who tries to “walk away” from not only the past, but from even having his powers. Boy literally wakes up in Episode 2 to cries of anguish in his head. And in the Superhero musical, there’s actually a really cool, spooky “Help me” musical motif that shows up whenever this character hears these voices and needs to spring into action. And he fuckin hates it. Spot-on parallel.

Alternatively, for all the siblings: “walk away” = “totally block out the past”. I’ve tried to repress it all and never look back, hoping the memories wouldn’t haunt me. But it doesn’t work like that.

But if I disappear, you’ll all implode, that’s clear. It’s gotten worse and worse with every passing year.

You could swing this for Luther trying to take control the way he does (“you’ll all implode” = “you need a leader”) or you could swing it for Five (“you’ll all implode” = “the world will end; but also, you guys are a mess as people, and you have been for a while, and you can’t fix this without me”). And quite literally, if Five decided to disappear halfway through his big mission, he knows for a fact his siblings would die. A lot of pressure there. I don’t mean to sound so harsh. I’ve also seen the good out there. Empathy and kindness on display. But every time I think I can release myself from this nightmare, someone tries to blow the world away. Duty Bros. Especially Luther on the first two lines. He reads as the least cynical of the lot, and his naiveté and hope is really what keeps him on the moon. Five is the one really living the “nightmare”, trying to track down the one who’s going to “blow the world away”.

And so I don’t want to sound insincere, but I think you should just forget what happened here, ‘Cause no one ever truly sees me.

“I got a lot of baggage, bro, you really shouldn’t get involved.” (You’re Jim, the man in 4-B.) An outside voice, reassuring. “You’re not Number Two. You’re Diego.” “You’re not Number Four. You’re Klaus.” Etc. “This new identity you’ve adopted after all that shit went down? That’s the real you. That’s who you are now.” Now Simon, that’s an ending I would really like to see, But I can’t make a life out of my secret identity. The rebuttal. “I can’t just stop being ‘Number X’. I can’t just pretend that wasn’t part of my life. I can’t make that stop haunting me.”

(Why not? It’s not like in the movies.) No one knows it’s me. You mean, like, maybe I can actually process my emotions like a rational adult, and find a healthy way to cope, stop identifying with the shit Hargreeves put me through, and move on with my life? whack.

anyway........................ where’s that season 2 trailer at huh

#if anyone wants to yell w me about the Hargreeves and literally any musical theatre song I am H E R E #but ye thanks cosmic!!!#superhero musical #tua #the umbrella academy

11 notes · View notes

lokilickedme · 5 years

Text

Because things have been odd lately...

I know some people aren’t understanding my behavior in the last week or so. I know I’ve been “off”. I know I’ve been less interactive. I know some people have taken silence and lack of response on my part as something personal against them.

It’s not.

I’m going to tell you something. If you clicked and continued reading, then you care enough for this to matter, or you’re curious, or bored and looking for someone else’s drama to entertain you. It’s fine, I’m the same way.

But this is important, to me at least.

For the first time in my entire life I said five words that I never thought I would hear myself say, out loud, in my kitchen, in front of another human being. Granted, it was in the middle of some of the worst pain I’ve ever had, at the peak of one of the most stressful weeks I’ve had in ages. But I still said it, and I can’t stop thinking about it now.

Just five words. Five words I’ve never even said inside my head, much less out loud.

I wish I was dead.

A lot of you don’t know me apart from what I share with you online. Fandom stuff. Writing. Funny stories about my kids and pictures of whatever. But those of you that have gotten to know me a little bit beyond those things know that this, those five words up there, that isn’t me. Those words are not something you would ever hear me say, or even hint at. I’m not depressive. I don’t have suicidal thoughts or ideations, I never have. And I still don’t. But nothing stopped those words coming out of my mouth, no safe barrier flew up to prevent my tongue forming them, and now I can’t unhear them.

I don’t think I meant it. I know I didn’t. I think the wording of it is important - I didn’t say I want to die. I said I wish I was. I’m sure it had everything to do with the pain and the final frazzled unraveling of my nerves, because I’d felt for three days at that point like I was about to go full blown into a nervous breakdown. But when they hit my ears carried by my own voice, there was no stab of nervous panic at hearing them. Just sort of...

I don’t even know. I’m not going to go too far down that road, because I don’t think it ends anyplace I want to be.

This is where it starts, I think, at least the recent part of it. I’m not going to go back further to the obvious roots of an entire life of twisted bullshit because I’m actually dealing with that a lot better than this. And a lot of this likely won’t make sense to a lot of you - I’m sorry. Read on if you wish...if not, no hard feelings.

Most of you know a little bit about my oldest son, the one we call Big. You probably know him best as my witty smart longsuffering angel who copes on a daily basis with his trialsome frootloop of a younger brother. Some of you also know he has some struggles and that he’s come so far and done so much. You all know how proud I am of him. He’s my first, the one I nearly had to let go of before I ever knew him, the one I almost had to let go of myself for. He’s the one I’ve tried to carry to the far side of hell so he can step safely through the door onto cooler ground while my own feet are on fire.

I’m afraid I’m losing him. He has made profound, astounding leaps of development this year. But something has happened, and I don’t know what or why.

He’s suddenly regressing in some ways. He’s losing his ability to maintain eye contact, something that’s common for children with his wiring differences but that he’s never had a problem with until now. He repeats himself constantly now. Sometimes it’s nonsense, though I know it makes sense to him somehow. I can give him the same answer to a question or the same reply to a comment ten times in an hour. Sometimes more.

He wanders off on flights of fancy, telling himself stories that he sometimes shares with me, about people he knows and places he goes. People and places he’s created for himself. He’s always known they exist in a separate world, but lately he’s been introducing them to us as if the worlds no longer have walls around them. And he actively fears some of them.

He drew a face and handed it to me yesterday.

That’s him, he said. And then he told me he loved me, and that he would do his best to protect me from him. I don’t know who him is.

This year he started to master physical contact, which is a big thing for him. He’s always been loving but never physically affectionate. Never hugged or kissed people, not even me. His hands have always been kept away from everyone, his physical self kept carefully apart from a world full of bodies he distanced himself from without a second thought.

Several months ago he decided he wanted to learn how to hug, so we worked on it. He got good at it. He was understanding the rules of it, determining appropriateness of timing and recipient, various reasons for extending or offering physical touch. The science of it, which was the only way he could understand it. And he got to where he enjoyed it and it didn’t causes him distress or discomfort. He even lost the awkwardness. It was no longer like hugging an automaton...it felt like hugging a child.

And now suddenly he just holds on. Won’t let go. It’s like he’s afraid to move away, to sever the connection. It’s no longer just a curious desire to feel contact with another human being, to overcome a facet of “otherness” that he’d noticed in himself. Now it’s like a fear of the space between us. He doesn’t want to let go.

As I write this he’s sitting on the floor in front of me, not interacting, just being close. He isn’t looking at me. I don’t know where he is...he’s somewhere else, but he’s making an effort, a desperate one it feels like, to stay near me. But it feels like every day he goes further and further down a road I can’t see, and from time to time he’ll look back over his shoulder and remember that this is where he needs to be...but he keeps walking.

I’m scared for him. When I speak to him now, his eyes nervously dart to other places. Faces have begun to disquiet him. He flinches at noises that he’d gotten used to. He tries to maintain eye contact, he realizes what he’s doing and pulls his eyes back to my face, but they dart off again quickly to some empty space beside me.

He goes into his other places more often.

He’s losing his ability to connect.

I don’t want him to disappear into some other world where I can’t follow him. But I don’t know how to pull him back to the safety of this one.

I don’t even know if this is the safe one.

I’m not the best person to help him right now. I’ve been cranky. I’ve been having chronic migraines for weeks. I haven’t been easy to get along with. I’m trying, but sometimes it feels like all my physical, mental, emotional energy goes to everyone else and leaves nothing for me. My argument with myself is that I’m the mother, it’s supposed to be like this. But I feel like I’m dying sometimes.

More so lately.

I lost a baby recently. Very recently. I didn’t tell anyone because I knew from the start something wasn’t right and there would never be any good news to announce. My hCG levels stopped rising and never went any further. I’ve been sick from that - physically a little, emotionally a lot - and haven’t wanted to deal with anyone or anything. Just working with Big, trying to hold onto him somehow. Trying to keep Little under control, which is...an undertaking of such astronomical proportions that I don’t even know where to start. He has issues of his own and I haven’t been a very effective parent for him lately. He’s frustrated, I’m frustrated. We’re all frustrated with each other.

I’ve been dealing with some fairly huge internalized trauma from other things as well, in recent days. Things from the past that I never realized were tearing me up until I took steps to distance myself from them. I won’t go into it here, right now. You’ve seen random posts from me about it, and you’ve seen me go off on people for not understanding. You’ll probably see more of it. I’m just beginning to realize how bad things were. I don’t know yet how to deal productively with any of it.

I’ll figure it out.

I don’t need someone to solve my problems. I vent to soothe my nerves and no other reason. It’s how I deal with whatever shit is eating me. Please don’t feel the need to help me or try to fix anything, or even feel obligated to offer sympathy - god please don’t, because that’s not what it’s for. If you see a rant from me it simply means I’ve hit a point where I will explode if I don’t put words to my feelings. This is the only safe place I can do it.

Also please know that if you do say something kind to me in those moments and I don’t say anything back to you, it’s nothing you should take personally. I love you. I just can’t tell you that I do.

If I go quiet for days, don’t take that shit personal. It’s nothing to do with you.

If you say something that triggers me and I get rude with you, don’t take that shit personal either. I’m weak these days. My whole life has been about controlling myself and my every response to everything, tiptoeing around every other human being on the planet with the enforced belief that literally everyone’s feelings are more important than my own. That I’m not valid as an individual, that only my usefulness to other people is important. And I’m finally done with all that.

But I don’t know how to do it right. I’m a fucking child as far as allowing myself to react to things. I’m having a really rough time right now and I��m getting myself through it however I can figure out. Ignore me if you must. Just don’t take it personal, because none of it is about you.

I’ve found some things that help me cope and make me feel better. I’ve been keeping them separate from my main blog because I know most of you are here for one type of fandom content, and my other interests aren’t it. But I’ve just realized...this is my blog, and I’ve spent my whole life hiding things I loved because other people didn’t like them or didn’t approve.

Not here, not anymore. Not so much in my personal life anymore, either. If I like it I will say so and I will share it because it makes me happy. I’ll do art and writing for other fandoms in addition to the one you originally followed me for. You know you’re free to share in it with me or not, I don’t have to explain that. I’ve had my share of people claiming they would read anything I write no matter what it is, only to have them vanish the second I start writing something outside their preferred fandom. It’s happened more often than I care to mention, but there it is. And that’s their right and choice, I respect that. But it’s not going to stop me from writing what I want to write. Not anymore.

I write because I need to. For me. I share it with the rest of you. People have come at me recently in the comments section at AO3 expressing their dislike over various things, and I’ve responded politely with as much accommodation as I can muster. I think I’ve allowed a lot of reader entitlement concerning my work over the past five years, changing things to suit people even if it didn’t suit the story, simply because they barked at me about something they didn’t agree with.

I won’t be doing that anymore. Because if you’ve read this far, you’ve likely realized at least one thing -

Pretty much everything I write is based in some way on my own reality.

It hasn’t always been pretty. And things get really rough sometimes or veer way off down a twisted road before they get resolved, just like life tends to do. I don’t write a lot of easy fluff these days. It’s your right to read it or not, but I do ask that you respect my right to write what I choose, because it’s my coping mechanism, and sometimes I have a lot to cope with. And I do that by turning real life bullshit into something entertaining, because the best thing you can do with monsters is put a goofy hat on them so they can’t scare you anymore.

At any rate, this is a not so quick synopsis of why I haven’t been particularly fun in recent days. I try, but it gets on top of me. I’ve felt ignored, shunned, overlooked. I realize that is sometimes my default assumption, that I’ve worn out my welcome and no one cares anymore. I also realize that sometimes it’s just that other people have their own shit to deal with and they probably haven’t even noticed I was gone. But I came back after a few days of silence to some hurtful shit that I know was done with intent, and I’m trying really hard to overlook that.

One of my few redeeming qualities though, I think, is that I bounce back fairly quick...so give me a few days, a couple of weeks, whatever, to get my bent up self back into shape. I’m handling more than I can handle at the moment in my life outside of here, and I can’t hand it over to anyone else for even a minute. I’m doing my best. I’m not okay right now.

I will be, but I’m not going to rush it.

Nothing good survives being rushed.

#I don't even know what to tag this as #there's a lot of potential triggers in here #so I guess just proceed however you see fit #I only have the energy to type all this once so instead of giving it privately to a few I'm slapping it down here for anyone who wants it #I won't reply to anyone who wants to be abusive

29 notes · View notes

petertingle-yipyip · 5 years

Text

Sometimes It Rains In L.A. - Kol Mikaelson

//Requested: Your stories Cheater and Detective (Pt.1 Pt.2), inspired this idea. Readers 4th year dating Kol and got a degree in Criminal Justice. She got a offer as a Federal Agent in LA. She wants to talk to Kol first. She then finds him in bed with Davina. She’s heartbroken when Kol tells her he’s been with Davina for a while now and they break up. She takes the job and moves to LA, leaving everyone a letter. As she’s on the plane, she gets several calls from Kol and the whole family to come back, but she refuses.//

//Pairings: Kolvina, Kol x Reader. Warnings: cheating, language, angst. Tag List: @akshi8278 //

//Part Two//

New Orleans. A city of booze, beads, and blood. Not everyone saw all three stories, but you did. You knew the nightlife, the constant inflow of tourists and spring breakers. Girls and guys that were freshly twenty one or the friend group that just had to spend Mardi Gras in NOLA. It was nice, constant chatter. The city truly never slept... And neither did it’s villains.

You had been in this beautifully historic city for about six years now, and were entering you fourth year of a committed relationship with a textbook sadistic psychopath. But it wasn’t as bad as it sounded.

He was clinically insane, you never doubted or argued that because you saw it. It was part of your job to notice and understand these behaviors. And quite frankly, your boyfriend was probably the prime example of a lot of those behaviors. Of course, he had his own trauma and experiences that contributed to it but he was just a lunatic, if you were being honest. And he knew that. He reveled in it more often than not but it was fun for you too. Well, at least he used to. Hes calmed down a lot since you two got together, at least that’s what his family tells you.

Now his family was a whole other can of worms. There were so many toxic traits between them all that you were honest to God shocked that they managed to stay together and not murder each other for the thousand plus years. Granted, that might have due to the fact that none of his family could really die but that was besides the point.

But, your relationship wasn’t your sole purpose in New Orleans. You moved to the city after you got your Master’s in Criminal Justice. With a minor in criminal psychology, which is how you noticed and knew how to handle the various personalities within the Mikaelson family. But your relationship did complicate the job, considering half of your cases were because of the Mikaelsons or their enemies. It was quite a sticky situation more often than not. That was, until you got the job offer in Los Angeles, the offer of a lifetime.

Los Angeles was a dream. Celebrities lived around every corner, premieres were every weekend. The clubs were fantastic, the concerts were unforgettable. And the pay would be a lot higher. The only thing was, you were in love. So, you thought you could ask him to come with you. Leaving his family would be healthy for him, a little space to be himself. But they were all so dependent on each other...

“Hey, Nik. Is Kol home?” You asked his brother as you skipped into the compound. Only Klaus and his daughter seemed to be home.

You liked Hope. You hadn’t known Klaus before but from the stories you knew, he was a maniac. An unstoppable force that no one could survive. A hurricane at it’s peak. But once Hope entered his life, he softened completely. The myth became just that, a myth. Every now and then, he could be a tornado, destruction following in his wake. Klaus Mikaelson had gone soft, all because he had his ‘littlest wolf’.

“Well, someone’s very excited.” Klaus laughed slightly. “What’s so great?”

“I just got offered a job in Los Angeles.” You gushed in excitement, unable to contain the news you wanted to first tell your boyfriend. “It’s a federal agent position and they need an answer tonight. I guess all that schooling really did pay off. Who’s laughing now, Klaus? Ha ha!” You joked.

“So you’re going to break up with Uncle Kol?” Hope asked from her dad’s side. She sounded almost... hopeful. She paused for a second after receiving a look from her father. “I mean... You don’t wanna do long distance, do you? I heard it’s really stressful. Plus a new job, a new federal agent job, that sounds stressful enough.”

“Um, no, I’m not. I mean. I hope not.” You laughed slightly. “I’m actually kinda hoping he’ll come with me. I already thought about the long distance and with how unpredictable Kol is, there’s no point in long distance, I guess...” You said somewhat awkwardly, not getting the response from the family you had wanted. “Okay! So, I’m just gonna go find him. We’ll do goodbyes later!”

“Wait!” Hope called as you headed towards his room. “So you’re taking the job either way, right?” She clarified. “Opportunity of a lifetime... A man can’t dictate what you do with your life... You have to do what’s best for you, even if it hurts...” She tried to convince you.

“Yeah, most likely.” You answered in slow confusion. “I can’t miss this opportunity. You know, I’ve wanted this since I was younger than you. Catch you later.” You winked and turned to see if Kol was in his room.

That’s when you heard it. Heard her. The dor was nearly shut, cracked about an inch. Your arm was raised to knock but you were frozen in your place. Your heart felt like it had literally stopped beating, if only for a second.

“Kol, she’s going to find out. I’m tired of sneaking around.” She said to him. “It’s been months. How much longer do you need?”

“I know, Darling. I just need to figure out how to tell her.” Kol’s voice answered.”I need you to understand that I do still love Y/N. I’ll always love her.”

‘Always love me, my ass’ You thought as you reacted silently, falling against the closest wall and staying away from the slightly open doorway. Your hand covered your mouth, the other clutching your suddenly painful stomach.

“Yeah, well, I love you, Kol. I’m not going to keep sneaking in and out when she’s not here. I hid in that attic for long enough.” She said plainly.

“It all makes sense now...” You sighed as you made your presence known, throwing the door open as you paraded in. Davina sat up quickly, pulling the covers up to her chest. Kol swung his legs to the floor and sprinted to your side. “This is why Hope wanted to make sure I would leave...”

“Leave?” Kol asked frantically. “You can’t go, Y/N.”

“I have to..” You said numbly. All of Hope’s convincing was making sense. ...what’s best for you, even if it hurts.... “I got a job offer, federal agent. I was going to ask you to come with me to- Actually, don’t worry about it. He’s all yours, Davina. Have fun.” You turned on your heel to leave before adding one final comment over your shoulder. “Oh, and by the way, if you want him to be putty in your hands, wear something maroon with an open back. He’ll be drooling all night.”

You kept your head down as you marched out of the room and out of the compound. You knew you couldn’t stop to talk to Klaus and Hope. Stopping gave Kol a chance to catch up with you which gave him a chance to talk to you. Stopping also meant all your emotions could catch up with you. You ran until you got home.

You locked the front door and leaned against it, letting a few tears fall as your head hit the wood. You slowly slid down until you were on the floor, knees pulled up to your chest and head hanging low. A few knocks sounded soon, followed by a strained, familiar voice calling out for you. Judging by his voice, it sounded like Kol had shed a few tears as well but you knew that was it. The final straw.

You had told Kol from the beginning that you knew his life was complicated and you understood that he would have to do things that any mundane would never consider. You knew he had a dark past. His current status was nearly as dark. But he said you were his light, you were his inspiration to be better. Through everything, you asked him to just never cheat. And he swore he would never. But it looked like four years changed things. And with Davina fucking Claire of all people.

Once to knocking had stopped, you had managed to compose yourself enough to call the agency and tell them you were accepting the job. They said they would have you on the first flight tomorrow and to watch your email for the flight information. Goodbye New Orleans, hello Los Angeles.

You knew you weren’t going to be able to sleep so you stayed awake packing your bags, cleaning your apartment, making lists of things to be cancelled and transferred. Most importantly, you wrote letters to the people you wouldn’t be able to say any last words to.

‘Hope, I don’t think you truly understand what you’ve done for your family. You were the one to change your father. You’ve heard the stories about the infamous Klaus Mikaelson, the first hybrid. But around you, he’s soft and loving. You have such a powerful, warming presence. I know you’re going to kick ass at whatever you choose to do with your life. You could rule the whole world blindfolded with your hands tied behind your back. I know I’m only a mortal and you’ll outlive me by God knows how long but I know for a fact that your impact on this world will never fade. I wish for you to grow into an even more powerful, stronger, smarter, kinder, and more beautiful version of yourself. Through whatever your future holds, never lose track of who you are or where you came from. You were right after all, Little One. I have to do what’s best for me... even if it hurts like hell. Much love. Xx’

‘Klaus, you made my life hell when I got here and I still think you did it on purpose. You were the suspect of nearly every case I had, but how I was supposed to arrest my (now ex) boyfriend’s brother? How was I supposed to arrest the man, the myth, the legend Klaus Mikaelson? Despite all of that, you were my closest confidant. I could trust you with anything, especially my life. I didn’t know you before your daughter, and maybe that’s for the best. I don’t know if I would’ve been as much of a friend to you if I had... But then again I fell in love with your equally sadistic brother so who knows? Look out for him, Klaus. He may not say it but you’re his brother and he needs you. He loves you. I know he can be the biggest asshole in the world, but he does have a heart... And his family takes up most of the space in that heart. So don’t let him go too long without knowing that you care about him... Have fun, be safe, and I’ll talk to you soon. Much love. Xx’

And that was it. The sun was rising and the airport was your next destination. You folded the papers and placed them in their own envelopes. You addressed them and on your way to the airport, you dropped them off at the post office. That was the last task you had left in New Orleans. Nothing was holding you there anymore.

With a heavy heart, you went through the usual checkpoints at the airport. Numbly, you checked your bags, boarded, and took off. You stared blankly out your window as the beautiful city of New Orleans that you called home for the past handful of years disappeared.

Your phone buzzed in your lap repeatedly. Flipping it over, you saw Kol’s name, along with his contact photo lighting up your screen. You were debating whether you should let it ring or decline it. Instead, you ended up accepting the call. You pressed it to your ear and listened silently.

“Who am I kidding?” He said sadly. “You’ll never answer. You’ll never forgive me. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, not by a long shot. I swore to you-”

“I’m sorry, ma’am.” The flight attendant said kindly. “But you’ll have to turn off your cell phone. It’s airline policy.”

You smiled kindly and shook your head, lowering the phone and ending the call. “Not a problem.” You said and she smiled in thanks as she walked away. You turned on your airplane mode setting before dropping your head onto the headrest. You couldn’t help but wonder what Kol was going to say. Had he realized you picked up? Did he think it was your voicemail?

Before you knew it you were in Los Angeles and a whole new life was going to begin for you.

#tvd imagine #tvd #the originals #kol mikaelson #vampire diaries imagine #vampire diaries #kol imagine #the vampire diaries #kol mikaelson imagine #the originals imagine #kol x reader #to imagine #kol tvd #kolvina #kol x davina

177 notes · View notes

thepeakmoment · 7 years

Text

More Peaks Returns

It appears to me that Lynch is inserting some heavy commentary about societal behavior, the most obvious being the “fix your hearts or die” assertion about Denise Bryson’s transition. Another clear instance is the decay of social norms exemplified by the elaborate unfolding drug storyline. Several characters are being depicted wheeling and using drugs, and Lynch-Frost are telling an updated version in P5 of the illicit activity, how it has already effected Shelly’s daughter and husband, a continuing cycle of abuse and dysfunction still playing out.

I also believe Sherrif Frank Truman is a personification of Lynch’s transcendental meditation wisdom. Harry Truman’s brother is an honest character and to be trusted absolutely as a transparent truth teller. His name is the very meaning of honest, open, direct — Frank. His earnestness is exemplified when Doris Truman shows up at station spouting domestic house anxieties while Truman remains sitting, saying nothing at all throughout. It reads like a subtle teaching of how not to respond to anxious energy, worry and dis-ease — do not engage with it. This is classic buddhism — how everything arises from conditions, has a presence in the moment, then decays when conditions change — thus, everything changes, no reason to get wrapped in unnecessary entanglements, including the wrath of someone overreacting to common occurrence. See impermanence.

A Twin Peaks Podcast: A Podcast About Twin Peaks and Deer Meadow Radio are two of the better podcasts on The Return worthy of listening.

Random

Richard Horne — is this the first clue from ?????’s prophetic clues, “Watch for Richard… and Lynda.”

Richard Horne passes bribe money in a pack of Morley cigarettes… the brand of choice for Cigarette Smoking Man.

Salesman asking Lucy at desk for Sheriff Truman, Lucy asks which one? An in-joke allusion to another Sheriff Truman duality, Harry-Frank.

There was a bonsai plant on side table next to Sam sitting on couch in P1, which was also featured in original series’ S2 Windom Earle arch.

Marjorie Green carries her dog, Armstrong, a small Mexican Chihuahua.

Here’s a good article on the absence of Badalamenti music thus far in The Return.

No white dot in Bob Cooper's pupil/eye — life-less .

End of P4 before Bang Bang Bar is blue rose scene… shot in blue tint

Owl cookie jar on counter behind Dougie Cooper during breakfast

A lot of Lynch visuals hearkens to Eraserhead, coming full circle in his cinematic journey of a master’s craft.

On Jun 4, 2017, at 9:59 AM, Dom wrote: I think I made a nice discovery which I posted on Reddit (Fred_Truax).

I cannot find Fred[undescore]Truax in any reddit search — author:Fred_Truax yields nothing. I’m not a Reddit reader, the whole thing is a fuck show of multi-threaded comments. It hurts my brain to go there. I can tolerate direct links, though.…

Reading Best Fan Theories at Indiewire, one theory suggests Wally Brando is really dead (source: Reddit /u/chblank), that “Lucy and Andy [are] in denial and shock … of losing her only son as a child.… Sheriff [Frank] Truman may have hired an actor to play their son — a role that fake Wally took literally, considering his “The Wild One” getup and bad “Godfather” impersonation. This could also explain why Wally Brando makes a point of telling his parents that they can convert his childhood bedroom into a study, as a way to help them move on and let go of the past.”

Same article posits that the headless body in the librarian’s apartment belongs to Major Briggs (source: Reddit /u/billy_yllib11). “Although the decapitated head belongs to the dead woman, there is a grotesquely contorted body detached underneath, one that comes from an unknown person. Later, we learn the forensics team has a match on the body, but they need military clearance to unlock its identity. Perhaps the kind of clearance that Major Briggs once had when he was working on top secret projects for the government? Of course, if the decapitated body does in fact belong to Major Briggs, it would also contextualize the appearance of his disembodied head, which floated in space at the beginning of [P3].” …But how does Dougie Cooper’s ring get in stomach?

I also noticed something strange about those two scenes:

In episode one when Sam leaves the Glass Box room the second time to go into the lobby to see Tracey (and the security guard is NOT there) he leaves the small black box of video cards on the step ladder near one of the cameras. The black box remains on the step ladder for the entire scene almost. The box disappears for a moment when they start to take off their clothes, then is back on the step ladder right before they are attacked.

However in episode 2 when Cooper enters the Glass Box and we think Sam is in the Lobby with Tracey, you can clearly see the black box of video cards and his pen on the side table next to the small couch he sits on.

Did Cooper enter this room at a different time they what it appears to be? Is Cooper in a second identical room? I just think its weird the black box is in two different locations in what appears to be the same time?

What do you guys think?

I’m beginning to understand these time shifts as backward dimension bleeding into forward dimension. BOB Cooper begins “‘yrev' very good to see you again old friend” to Gordon Cole when they first see each other again (P4). Relatedly, there’s fervent speculation that Sonny Jim blinks backwards while in back seat of car when Dougie Cooper notices Sonny and sheds a tear (P5).

Backward-forward are the two directions in which one can enter-exit the Black Lodge, shown to us in Classic Peaks and FWWM. Now we’re seeing vertical up-down direction to enter into-exit out of the Lodge, exhibited by the sudden vertical floor vibration as the Arm's doppelgänger appears and Cooper falls down through floor. Or Laura pulled up off the floor screaming into oblivion, as well as the ghostly pirate-like figure in a jail cell floating up into thin air.

Backwards is a reality dimension different from forward (as normal) dimension. P3 glitchy quick backward-forward movement when Cooper lands into hub in space and interacts with eyes sown shut woman, a reality between the two dimensions (?), existing on the threshold — Dweller on the Threshold?

This new movement is depicted in the opening title sequence when the wavy-flowing red curtains cross fade to chevron pattern panning across floor, seemingly tracking the camera in a circle. I love the new title sequence opening drone shot over the falls, hangs on waterfall from above, dissolves to a slight CU of waterfall spray, then segues to the rhythmic curtains — an abstract version of the classic series opening dissolves from the waterfalls to a flowing river.

I am also convinced that Laura is going to leave the Black Lodge somehow and venture into the real world.

On Jun 4, 2017, at 3:01 PM, Erik wrote: Dom, did you see the Tweet I sent your way? with the info that the Casino Cooper goes to in Vegas was actually filmed in Commerce, CA. (they have actual casinos there) about 35 miles from my house. judge for yourself...

<PHOTO>

Dudes, when we finally graduate from trekking back to Peaks (WA), we have to eat at The Roadhouse Restaurant & Inn. Can’t believe we overlooked this. We’ve done the original Mar-T Cafe (plus the deplorably named and renovated Twede’s) and Fall City Grill (Haps Diner), we gotta do the Roudhouse, regardless if it’s only the exterior.

It will be interesting to see if the green revolving doors that Cooper has trouble with are actually here as well. So I guess we know where you might stay next time you come out here to Pin Peaks Locations. I thought it would even be fun to get a room and watch the season finale there, then go down to the gaming floor and "Helllloooooo!"

As far as the actual plot...

I have come upon no clues or conclusions at all. It is very dense material. What little I have read online is complex and sometimes implausable, but who am I to say? I like the scene when Douggie is getting dressed and Sonny Boy … comes out and they make a lot of visual and action references to the Season 2 opening scene. What does it mean? No clue.

In P4 Cooper is Home — Dougie Cooper says aloud, “Home.” This is symbolized as a birthday with balloons in the kitchen behind him. Similar balloon shapes appear when he is dropped off at outside of work building, when Cooper mimics statue pointing gun. I’m thinking Dougie is the character Lynch-Frost are using to teach the viewer how to assimilate and understand the Twin Peaks world view. From Dougie's point of view, he seems to know little or nothing about the world. He’s in process of making sense of it, and now that he's starting from home, we should follow along and we'll learn together. As viewers, we’re putting some faith in the storyline will resolve eventually, even if only in part. During the following scene when Gordon meets Denise Bryson in her office, she says, "I trust you Gordon." We should trust Lynch.… But how does this all jive with ??????’s “You are far from home”?

Gonna review a bit and start my edible regimen, no cherry pie this week, coffee and donuts YES. Last time, I cracked a beer when it started, had a full bowl next to the food. I did not touch either of them for 2 hours straight. Completely forgot about them actually. Totally engaged. Only ate pie, donuts and coffee... I'll have messenger open at 5:30PM est standing by.

On Jun 7, 2017, at 4:38 PM, Dom wrote: So who do you think are Richard Horne's parents? Audrey and Cooper? Audrey and Jack? Ben and his wife? Jerry and some random chick?

Definitely not the son of Cooper and Audrey. Cooper’s been in the Lodge and he shot Audrey down at every turn before meeting Annie. The other possibilities are intriguing and any of them are plausible. Audrey and Jack — do you mean John Justice Wheeler? Richard Horne seems to be 25 years old and got hooked up with the wrong crowd, that’s easy to do these days. Ben and his wife? Maybe, they could have reconciled their stormy marriage. Ben does seem to have remained steadfast in earnest goodness since emerging from his civil war. Perhaps Richard Horne is Jerry's son that steals his father’s weed to sell. Or maybe Jerry is a big kahuna now in the drug trade? I doubt it. Regardless who the parents are, Richard is a Bobby Peru/Leo Johnson mutt that fits right into Lynch’s social commentary of prevalent drug use still running amok in the world.

Great to see Mike return too.

Would be cool if Mike and Bobby had a beer together at The Roadhouse, catch up a bit with each other — Bobby asking Mike, “Do you remember Laura Palmer?…” I wonder how Bobby will act around Shelly?

I also have another prediction;

The person Gordon wants to look at Cooper will be Diane play by Laura Dern. That's not much of a shock but...

Remember when Albert says he doesn't know where she lives, but knows where she drinks...

My prediction is that they will find Diane (Laura Dern) in that bar we went to in Los Angeles that night I arrived on my last visit. It has all of the nice woodwork and we had to walk down a flight of stairs to enter.

I have resisted right from the outset of Laura Dern cast as Diane. I don’t really want Diane’s identity to be revealed, would much rather have her remain anonymous on the other side of Cooper’s dictaphone. I know there’s speculation and makes sense that Diane will appear as Dern, but this way too obvious, especially after all Lynch has presented us thus far — even considering how close Dern is to Lynch. But still, I hope it isn’t so.…

I also find it weird that Agent Tammy Preston in episode 4 had to ask Albert who Phillip Jeffries is. She learned about his existence in the Secret history of Twin Peaks as she was the agent in charge of examining the dossier. She even added her own notes about him.

That is awesome about the Casino. Next time I come to Los Angeles, I am so game to go play some slots. HELLO O OOO OOOO!

#twin peaks #twin peaks: the return #commentary

1 note · View note