#peanut is tired af

[theholypeanut]

No one asked but I will still finish my wheel of fortune event, just in a different order than in a main post. As I struggle with writing for some time, I decided it will make more sense to write what I feel more comfortable with first, and then leave the challenge for later, otherwise I will be stuck forever. On this note, I will try to public in the next week Hiori Grumpy x Sunshine and Hoshiumi Forced Proximity fics.

End of the notification 📣

[imwritesometimes]

sometimes a cake's so nice you gotta bake it twice - peanut butter chocolate cake 🎂

[machinedramon]

called out due to pain

this sucks

[jillyb2004]

Happy 44th Birthday to Nick Weidenfeld! The Voice of Peanut Cop from 12 Oz Mouse!

[thealogie]

third nut from tonight’s queue chiming in! i truly can’t believe how all the stars aligned for us??? i got in the queue at 1:30 and had literally given up hope until me and peanut #2 were called in at 7:15(!!). when the guy at the ticket counter showed me where the seats were i was holding back tears and had to ask him to clarify. DT made eye contact with our entire front row crew during tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow i just about vibrated out of my seat. we did give a standing ovation as soon as the lights went up and our man gave me several smiles and finally a little smile & nod before walking offstage. cannot fully gather my thoughts on any more nuance at the moment but it was truly incredible life changing theatre. i flew in this morning and have barely slept the past two days and maybe never will again???? the power of david tennant 😔✊

Ahhhhhh ♥️ the magic of theatre. I truly did not sleep that whole week and I was not tired? I was literally on some form of theatre drugs. And I felt the same that first night!! I was literally bursting out of my seat involuntarily before I could even think! He was startled af but he deserves it!!

[prettybluelites]

Thoughts: The Curse of the Seafaring Life

Okay, fine, I'll watch Episode 5 one more time.

I have watched this half a dozen times by now and I have straight up howled every time Ed says "this here is a ship, and it's a space ship." The delivery combined with the hand gestures - I'm dead. I'm finished. Fucking genius.

A couple posts down I expounded on the fact that Ed is literally wearing sackcloth, still fascinated by that. Also wondering how much trouble he's having making the change from the infamous leathers to a loose-fitting linen onesie :P

That awkward position of, Do I clap, do I do nothing, or do I give the finger - so real

Does the mad cat on the new flag remind anyone else of the union rat inflatables that striking unions use?

Izzy got a new leg and it turned him into a right little sass pot

"I'm your captain! Wait, I can do it better." This whole scene is awesome and "That's the captain's chair" makes me laugh almost as hard as the space ship bit

Thinking a lot about Ed offering to let Lucius push him off the ship when it soon becomes clear that that isn't exactly what Lucius needs - I guess I'll just leave it at, I love how neatly the show illustrates that everyone heals differently

The shot of Izzy training on the gundeck is gorgeous and I'm not just saying that because of the Pecs of Death. And I love that he took himself down there and set all that up and took up his training his own self, idk, it feeds a lot of my headcanon about what sort of person Izzy is outside the context of Blackbeard - disciplined and fastidious

Love a good training montage, especially one that involves ass-slapping. And I love this new normal where Stede and Izzy, like, hang out and converse.

Will never grow tired of the fact that not one but both of Ed's shoes fly off

Really into geometry, lol. One of those superstitious bitches would have known what a pentagram was

Every girl loves an outfit she can twirl in

Third reliable lol of the episode: "draw me as, like, a steely...lord"

I was so busy thinking about Lucius and Pete each reckoning separately with Ed that I forgot to think about Lucius and Pete reckoning with each other. So glad this is a part of the storyline.

There really is nothing like a peanut butter sandwich. And then to be there when they were invented? Wow. :D

The scene with Ed and Fang in the boat is like Lucius recounting his horrors a couple episodes ago, shouldn't be funny, but...it's funny

Lucius is a man of some learning, he should know that Izzy's shark story is not, strictly speaking, fiction: A metaphor is a figure of speech that describes an object or action in a way that isn't literally true, but helps explain an idea or make a comparison.  (Thanks, Grammarly!) Izzy's not covering up shit with that story, he's explaining an idea.

STG if Izzy and Lucius don't make out by the end of this series...

Roach's comment about Frenchie's beautiful body, lmao

Anyone ever see Northern Exposure? There was a great scene in an early episode of that show where Joel was trying to figure out how Marilyn could sit still and quiet on her shifts as his receptionist and he was just boggled that she could, as Fang puts it, sit with herself. I'm not sure if this quote was from that episode, but I know it's a Marilyn quote: Words are heavy like rocks … they weigh you down. If birds could talk, they wouldn't be able to fly. That has stuck with me for a looong time. Anyway, sorry to blather, that's what this bit of Fang and Ed's conversation reminds me of.

Obvs the shirt needed to stay for plot reasons but also glad Stede got to keep it because he looks fine AF

Awwww Lucius and Pete, I love their love. I laughed and cried.

That feeling when someone reacts in all the right ways to all the right parts of your stories ♥

So much to love about this scene, obviously. Much has already been written about the kiss (THAT KISS!!) and Ed asking to go slow and Stede meeting him where he's at, but I am obsessed with the way Ed looks down, ever so slightly surprised, when Stede takes his hand. When, in Ed's adult life, has someone held his hand in a romantic context? It really is perfect.

And all that is to say nothing of Sometimes it's nice to be patient and wait. Jesus H Christ. When those two finally fuck, brains are going to melt and run out of the ears of fans all over the world.

Okay, phew! That was a lot, thank you for reading!

As a reward for your perseverance, here's a bonus quote I found while I was looking up Marilyn's bird quote:

"We are all pirates at heart. There is not one of us who hasn't had a little larceny in his soul. And which one of us wouldn't soar if God had thought there was merit in the idea? So, when we see one of those great widespread pirates soaring across the grain of sea winds we thrill, and we long, and, if we are honest, we curse that we must be men every day. Why not one day a bird!  There's an idea, now, one day out of seven a pirate in the sky. What puny power a man can attain by comparison. Compare a 747 with a bird and blush!"

Roger Caras, Birds and Flight, 1971.

[efloarchive]

𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐌 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 ( 1 / ? )

here are some tidbits of random facts about miss hana that apply to all of her verses and live rent free on my mind but are not significant enough to have an individual post. and because i love hana so much [ and frankly you should too or else LEAVE 😤 jk jk,,,,,, , , , , unless??? ] i made a small compilation of them, so please enjoy 😌🙏

hates the cold: hana gets cold very easily and overall hates cold weather, so during winter she will act a little grumpy. and even though she wears many layers of clothes she will still complain non-stop;

cuddle bug: on the same note, chances are she will cling to people a lot more when she feels cold, no matter if their body temperature is lower than the average person [ everyone is free real estate when it comes to cuddling and she won't take 'no' for an answer 😤 ];

has a noticeable accent even when speaking japanese: hana originally speaks in a heavy chūgoku accent and will slip back into it occasionally, mainly when she's tired or angry or talking to her family on the phone. she also tends to mix up dialects and idiomatic expressions while speaking so have a dictionary in hand bc you're gonna need it 😌🙏;

kampanaphobia: the sight and ringing of big church bells and loud sounds that resemble it will cause hana to have symptoms of a panic attack. she doesn't know why this happen but theorizes that it's a mental association to the kazehara estate and its proximity to a local church;

terrible singing skills: she is d.isney princess coded and tone deaf af at the same time. good luck hanging around the shop because she sings a lot while working and cleaning;

appetite for days: she likes food. a lot. that's it that's the post 🙏;

the strongest of the mochizuki siblings: everyone knows it, and even though atsushi her brothers hate to admit it hana can easily overpower them in a physical fight;

ambidextrous: though her dominant hand is the right one, hana can use both hands for different things;

anti peanut flavored desserts: she's not even allergic to it, she just doesn't like the taste of it and would rather eat sand [ i said what i said ]

[chickensarentcheap]

Esme stuff. Tyler centric :)

@secretaryunpaid​, @tragiclyhip​, @youflickedtooharddamnit​, @mushyhazard​

Man servant for rent.   He cooks, does laundry,  cleans toilets and windows, is insanely tall and strong, gets things off the high shelves, and can -and will-  carry all the heavy shit.

You’re not allowed to touch though.  You can only look.

He doesn’t think I’m very funny. Guess he’s against me pimpin’ out his sexy ass.

This is what you get when you track sand through my house,  shit head.  

#helovesme #yourfaceIlikethatshit #Iwuvyou

Have you ever flown with seven kids?  We have.   Too many times to count. And every time we do it, we say we’re NEVER doing it again.   He’s tired, grumpy AF, and giving me the silent treatment because I just informed him that Addie made it very clear that he’s to celebrate his birthday at a lunch with Cinderella and other princesses at the Disney castle.

Bet you’re missing your bachelor days now, aren’t ya?

He also cooks with clothes on if half naked isn’t your cup of tea

If your husband, boyfriend, partner (whatever) isn’t you sending you things like this while he’s out Christmas shopping, he’s not the one sis ;)

Apparently he found something he wants for Christmas.

My husband (a regular customer of the dinkie shrinkie box as our oldest son calls it):  “You should try it. It’s really good for you.”

Me: “No. No. That’s okay.  You can be the really healthy and fit one. I’ll be over here rummaging through our kids’ halloween candy searching for peanut butter cups.”

Now THAT’S a fire pit.

#heisntjustaprettyface

I don’t know why you’re looking at me like that or what is you want from me, but the answer’s yes.

What the ortho surgeon says:  “You should be taking it easy. Rest it.”

What my husband hears: “Blah blah blah blah blah.”

Not to make anyone jealous, but I know what it’s like to be under him when he’s in that position.

Mac is like “oh f*ck. Another one?”

So the husband and I decided to have a ‘x rated elf on the shelf’ competition this year and he totally brought his A game and won it with this one:

Taking the ferry to Phillips Island and he is out.

LOL.

The husband bringing the Malibu Ken vibes.

FYI, he totally didn’t understand that reference.

When someone starts getting a little too friendly and cozy with me in his eyes

[suckitsurveys]

What were you doing at 10:30 this morning? It’s only 8:45am.

Is there anyone else in the room with you? My coworker.

If you married the last male you spoke to, what would your initials be? Way to assume I’d take his last name. I didn’t take my actual husband’s last name.

What did you have for lunch today? I haven’t had lunch yet but I’m eating an english muffin with peanut butter right now.

In your phone, who is the first contact listed under ‘L’? Laina, a parent at the day care my sister used to own lol.

How old is he/she? I have no idea at this point, its been a few years since I talked to her.

What colour are your father’s eyes? Light green, almost blue.

Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? I honestly don’t remember.

What’s the 9th song on your iTunes “Recently Played” list? I haven’t used iTunes in over.

What colour are the eyes of the last male you text messaged? Brown.

Who is the first contact in your phone? What colour is his/her hair? The first contact in my phone is my husband because it lists favorites/ICE first, and he was also the last male I texted, so brown.

How many tracks were on the last album you listened to? There are 17 songs on Guts (spilled).

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? My dad. He can lose his cool easily and it makes for some embarrassing situations in public sometimes.

Is there a song you can listen to over and over and never get fed up? There’s a few.

Do you have a friend whose name begins with ’H’? Describe him/her. I don’t, aside from myself, lol.

Are there any songs in your iTunes library that you’ve never listened to? Don’t use iTunes anymore.

So, how are you? Is there anything wrong? I’m okay.

How do you handle awkward situations? It definitely depends on the situation.

Who is the most intelligent person you know? People are intelligent in their own ways.

Who was the last female you were introduced to? Uhhhh someone work related I’m sure.

What was your first impression of her? I can’t even remember them lol.

Who was the last male you were introduced to? ^ Same.

What was your first impression of him? ^ Saaaame same same.

Name one of your favourite foods that starts with the letter ‘F’. French fries.

Do you have a close friend of the opposite sex? Yes.

Would you ever consider being more than friends with them? Nope.

Who is the 8th contact in your phone? Is he/she in a relationship? A work contact. I have no idea.

If you could travel back in time, which year would you go to? I don’t know, that’s risky.

When was the last time you made a sandwich? What did you put on it? I made an egg salad sandwich yesterday and will make one again today.

What were you like as a 12 year old? Annoying AF. So not that much different than I am now.

What colour are the eyes of the last female you text messaged? Green.

When you woke up this morning, what kind of mood were you in? Tired and shitty. I had a weird dream.

Are you hungry? Craving any food in particular? Nah. I just had some breakfast.

In the past week, how many times have you cried? I don’t know if I have? Maybe over a tik tok once or twice lol.

On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being amazing), how good is life atm? 7.

[explorationsoftheid]

I posted 174 times in 2022

That's 38 more posts than 2021!

102 posts created (59%)

72 posts reblogged (41%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@autistic-af

@explorationsoftheid

@pascalcampion

@autiebiographical

@ndcirque

I tagged 166 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#autistic adult - 149 posts

#autistic community - 140 posts

#autism community - 119 posts

#autism - 117 posts

#autistic - 109 posts

#autistic feels - 93 posts

#neurodivergent - 92 posts

#autistic experiences - 85 posts

#actually autistic - 83 posts

#autistic culture - 82 posts

Longest Tag: 81 characters

#most weird plurals don’t bother me but for some reason ‘roofs’ fills me with rage

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

LOUD

Ever have one of those days when suddenly everything seems really loud? A day when the microwave door really SLAMS? When FOOTSTEPS seem to echo? When the sound of a teaspoon in a cup rings like a BELL? When your device seems loud even when it’s one click above silent? When your keyboard is making an amazing amount of CLATTER?

Yeah, that’s me today.

233 notes - Posted October 19, 2022

#4

There is something relaxing about eating trail mix.

Picking out the M&Ms

Picking out the peanuts

Picking out the almonds

Picking out the raisins

Systematically reducing the pile until it’s all gone

It’s like working through a puzzle.

244 notes - Posted April 19, 2022

#3

Advice

We have gone through a couple of years of lockdowns, financial hardship, weird theories on the internet, Zoom for school and meetings, and wondering if just going to the grocery store was going to kill us. That’s a lot. And we’ve been doing it without a break. Without any respite. The result of this is a lot of us feel like crap.

We’re tired.

It’s called burnout.

It’s perfectly natural.

Cut yourself some slack.

If you need to stim, do it.

If you need to cry, do it.

If you need to cocoon, do it.

If you need to say no, do it.

We’ve had a hell of a couple of years.

Take some time for yourself.

Take care of yourself.

259 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

#2

No everyone isn’t a little bit autistic

Any more than everyone is a little bit left handed because they can carry something in either hand.

No, everyone isn’t a little bit autistic

Any more than everyone is a little bit asthmatic because they occasionally get out of breath.

No, everyone isn’t a little bit autistic

Any more than everyone is a little bit handicapped because their foot fell asleep.

No everyone isn’t a little bit autistic

861 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Isn’t it fun when someone throws you a sentence fragment and assumes you have a clue what they mean? Tonight for example my SO came over, held out a half full bottle of water, and said, “My water. ”

I froze for a couple of seconds while I pondered this. The statement could have meant;

“Is this water in this bottle or something else?” As we have no history of putting anything else in water bottles in the refrigerator this seemed like the least likely meaning.

“This is my water. Keep your hands off”. This seemed unlikely, though not as improbable as the first one. We share everything and there were a bunch of bottles in the fridge so there really wasn’t anything special about this one. No reason to get possessive.

“Is this my water or yours?“. We both knew that I hadn’t opened one and we had been together all day, and there was no one else around to open one. Because of this, there was no reason for them to ask.

“Would you like some of my water?” This seemed to be the most likely possibility so I want with it.

After a long pause to sort through the various meanings and the probabilities of each, and once I selected the most likely one to formulate an appropriate response, I replied, “No thanks, I’m good.”

People wonder why I don’t respond quickly. “It’s a simple question, just answer,” is what i hear a lot. Well, it would have been if you had asked a question. But you didn’t. You dropped two random words while holding a bottle. I had to decode what you meant. You and other neurotypical people may pick up on these subtle meanings*, but I don’t. Just say what you mean.

Neurotypical people are so weird sometimes.

*(the bottle was tilted slightly toward me to indicate it was an offer, how could I miss that? /end sarcasm)

1,435 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ravengregory]

If losing my mind, alcoholism and addiction have taught me anything it’s how to cope with this world. How to reframe shit instantly. Because some days you wake up and you’re broke. Like really broke. Like not homeless broke but fuck guess it time to tighten up the belt and eat ramen and peanut butter broke. Some days you wake up to find out you need new tires on your car. Like you’re lucky you’re still alive need new tires. But you’re broke so no new tires. Guess we walking. Some days you wake up to a knock on your door and you get the fun life experience of learning that shit your kids do…things you had nothing to do with…can get you A FUCKING LAWSUIT. But hey. Shit happens. We deal. Some days you find out your loved one died. (Life, can you please chill with that shit? It’s getting ridiculous now.) And that loss makes you appreciate the loved ones you have left even as you are enveloped by what seems like endless grief. And some days you get a call and find out you have six months to live. …….. Guess you better make each day count. No more days to waste. Go time it is. And some days you really do think Aokigahara would look beautiful this time of year and a change of address might be nice. (Bitches, don’t take that shit seriously) Souls get weary. I get it. I really do. So when you see me laughing HARD AF at a comedy club at any and everything, I am literally TRYING TO STAY ALIVE! I will find the funny in this life no matter what it takes. When you see me at the gym busting my ass I’m not trying to inspire or show off, I’m fighting the demons in my mind! The thoughts that scream and never stop screaming. That’s literally the only way to shut the voices off. When you see the love I have for my friends and everyone around me that is me FIGHTING THIS WORLD AND THIS LIFE BY PUTTING AS MUCH GOOD ENERGY AS I CAN OUT INTO THE WORLD BECAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH FUCKING BAD. Moral of the story, find the bright side. Because this world is dark and full of terrors. Don’t forget your flashlight. #mentalhealthawareness #whosgonnacarrytheboats #75hard #weightlossjourney #standupcomedy #workoutmotivation https://www.instagram.com/p/ClXDVb5vm5s/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[tatakaebomb]

Maid for you

ꕥ Pairing : Matsukawa x Maid! Reader

ꕥ Synopsis : When mattsun’s horny. He’s horny.

ꕥ Word count : 2.2k

ꕥ TW : Smut, Blackmail, Manipulation, Shower sex, Dub con, non con (?), dacryphilia, dumbification, slight hand job, fingering, cream pie, perverted thoughts, small age gap (reader 21 but I don’t really mention that), virginity loss, issei a creeeeppp, dom! sub! Dynamic (sub reader), nipple play, ass play, slight breeding kink, foreplay, probs a lot more but issei horny af and likes maid girls okay okay. 18+

He was a workaholic. All day, all night. The funeral home he worked at was exhausting, clients walking into it with tears, and leaving out with more. He had no escape to say the less and for an opportunity to fly abroad, just him and himself even for only a week was something he would snatch at.

And that’s what led him to be sat on his hotel bed, staring at the fan, wondering what his life may be like in ten years time. He’s 27 for Christ sake and the closest thing he’s ever had to a long term relationship is the many hookups he’s been involved in. Just women to women in and out of his room, sometimes he doesn’t even go the full way of satisfying because they look better from behind than up front.

There was no noise in the room. Nothing but the faint noise of his breathing as he continues to picture a potential future lover. Someone he could settle down and have kids with, no scrap that, someone he could fuck over and over and over and never get bored of her. Throw her over the counter and spank her ass until it’s red and sore, suck hickeys into the side of her neck in the shape of his name. Have someone greet him when he comes home from work all tired and agonised, crawl on her knees and let him face fuck her how he needs to. He needs that more than anything, but at this rate he probably won’t get it.

It’s been 18 long months without sex, not even a kiss on his lips. Works been intolerable and all he needs right now is someone to let him touch up and plunge how he wants too, but that’s unlikely, that’s why this holiday would hopefully let him relax, maybe find a cute girl while he’s at i-

KNOCK KNOCK

‘Huh?’ He grunts, lifting himself up on his arms. He stayed staring at the door for a while, confused on who that could be.

Shrugging himself out of bed he didn’t bother to put on a top, only sufficing with his sweatpants. He wasn’t even bothered enough to look through the peep hole, only simply swinging open the door in hopes maybe it’s free food.

But it was something even better…

‘Hello Mr Matsukawa! Erm, I’m here for the room service you ordered?’

You were stood there, pretty in what looked like a simple beige apron and a yellow spaghetti strap dress with the hotel logo embedded at the front. You looked tired, face bare without makeup and hair messily tied up in a clip.

The hotel you worked at was a dump to say the least, it was around a 2 star maximum but with someone as pretty as you working here it was without a doubt probably the reason why the rankings are higher than they seem.

Issei couldn’t imagine the amount of men in the same shoes as him, just happy to see a woman like you wanting to serve them, to give them food and change their bedsheets. A pretty obedient maid that all they wanted was to take home and have them keep. You were probably underpaid and the only way to get tips was to show off your body, explains the slutty dress.

‘Sir?’

‘Oh right, yeah come in.’

Opening the door wider you rolled in with your tray. Setting it on the desk and allowing the little flower in the vase to swing around mindlessly.

All he ordered was a packet of peanuts, but you gave it prepared with little petals surrounded it, how sweet.

‘There you go, is that all?’ You sweetly ask. Turning around to face the man infront of you. His tired eyes and curly hair swung down his face, arms crossed over his chest flexing his muscles slightly. But it was out of profession to look, after all you rely on tips. Gotta stay sweet.

‘Hm… I didn’t ask for these.’ He lied, picking up the pack and examining it ‘Nope, asked for walnuts, not peanuts.’

‘B-but you told me peanuts? Are you sure’

‘Are you doubting me’ he sternly speaks, tone blunt. Not even a crack of a smile on his face.

‘NO! No of course not, I’ll go get your walnuts now sir’

‘It’s too late now, I’m not in the mood for nuts’

You were confused to say the less, he asked for peanuts, you knew he did because you spoke to him down the line.

‘Oh okay…sorry sir, please call if you need anything else..’ you walk towards the door, embarrassed and confused for what just happened, only for his neutral voice to speak out. Making you halter in your steps.

‘I didn’t say leave…whats your name?’ His attempt at a conversation succeeds as you shyly play with your fingers in your hands. Trying your best to make a good impression on the man sat on the bed infront of you, flicking through his phone.

‘Y/N sir…’

‘Pretty name for a pretty girl hm, how long you been working here for?’

‘Five years sir’

‘Five years? Why…?’

‘I- I’m sorry isn’t that a bit personal.’

‘You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to, just tryna make conversation sweetheart..’

The room was silent again, only the hum of the clock ticking was heard and the patting of his phone running down the phone screen, until the click of the button shuts it down.

‘What’s your job role?’

‘Maid sir, erm- to provide good service and make customers satisfied.’

‘Satisfied? You think bringing me peanuts made me satisfied?’

‘I did offer to get a replacement…sir.’

Your tone was slightly ticked off, attentive to mattsun who just wanted to rip your dress off and go to town on your pussy. But considering how timid and sweet you seemed, he wouldn’t mind a bit of foreplay.

Walking over to you, he pays no mind to cup your jaw within his fingers, forcing your beautiful eyes to stare up at him. All submissive and obediently.

‘I like when people make eye contact with me…’ his shallow words speak out, making you gulp slightly under his warm touch. ‘But I don’t like when they talk back.’

‘Sir, I didn’t talk-‘

‘Doing it again? It’s like you want me to report you.’

You were on your last strike, knowing that if you fuck up one more time you could lose your job. That’s why when this stranger spoke to you, you felt so scared. He seemed so big and scary, almost knowing of this himself. And you would be lying if you didn’t know he was about to use it to his advantage.

‘Sir….’

‘What ways do you satisfy a customer?’ His hand starting to wrap around your waist, pulling you closer towards him, the smell of fear radiating off you…

‘Room service, f-food service…’

‘Personal service?’

‘No sir, n-not that..’

‘Would you? Maybe for a bit of extra cash…’

Biting your lip, you knew you couldn’t give into the temptation of this man, it was your moral obligation to help him not serve him. ‘No sir. I cant. I wont…’

‘Shame…’ he sighs, dropping you and walking into the bathroom, your heart race dropping slightly at his next words before he entered the shower. ‘Might have to tell a little white lie to your boss.’

Your job was so unfair, the minimum wage scheme, the long hours and now being openly manipulated by random men? This wasn’t the first time this happened, but for you to be in your managers bad books you do not want to risk a job, besides it’s not like he was bad looking, maybe it would be a bit of fun. Maybe not though…

Opening the bathroom door, you were faced with the steamy mirrors and fog coating the room. Spinning around you saw him showering mindlessly, like he didn’t just blackmail you into having sex with him. You wish you could be as nonchalant as that.

‘You can start by taking off your apron and dress, leave it on the floor by the sink.’ He calls out, already knowing what you were here for. Seemed like it wasn’t his first time gaslighting someone into sex.

Stripping yourself, you unclip your hair and leave it by the tap. Your clothes and apron neatly folded and shoes placed sweetly next to it.

Stepping into the spacious shower, the water began running down your body. Your eyes shut and arms covering your waist in nerves and disgust for what your doing, you know it’s wrong, you don’t want this, but what more can you do?

His warm fingers move quickly to pull your hands away from you, greedy eyes examining your figure. Blood rushing to his cock at the sight of your flushed, embarrassed face. Pretty, erect tits, hard under the running of water. ‘Is this your first time?’

‘Yes sir…’

‘Call me issei’ one hand cupping your jaw as the other moves to claw at your ass, grabbing and slapping the flesh in his grip. Small gasp escaping your lips as he pushed his lips hungrily onto yours. Saliva coating your lips, you didn’t expect someone so handsome to be as horny and thirsty as he was.

You were suddenly met with the feeling of his tip brushed between your smaller hand. Your eyes moving to glance at the dick forced onto your grip. Issei’s larger hand helping you palm at him, his eyes shutting and head swinging back in pleasure.

‘Yeah- fuck like that…’ delightful sighs leaving mattsun’s lips, you thighs starting to clench at the feeling of him so hard under your touch. Your mouth with drool as you continue to stare at it, pace increasing every second. The long vein striped right from the cock to the tip made you drool unintentionally, a small drop of it tapping onto his flushed tip. ‘Don’t tease me baby…’

‘Sorry sir…’

‘I love how submissive you are, turns me on even more.’ He stares into you, lingering eyes as he begins rubbing at your tits, the water dripping down your cleavage all the way down to your sensitive pussy.

He doesn’t miss this, rutting into your core, you were slightly frightened from how big he was. Cock slapping onto you, easily reaching up to your belly button if not more.

Brown eyes move to meet yours, smirk planted on his lips as he drops your ass, picking you up and planting you on the glass walls. A loud moan screeched from your lips as he forced himself inside your tight pussy, so wet and juicy for him.

‘Your so tight…’ eyes fixated on where you two met, he felt like he could cum there and then at how you looked. So fucked out and scared already? He wasn’t even done with you. ‘You never even touched yourself? No vibrators? Fingers? Nothing?’

A small shake of your distressed face sent him into a frenzy, he was your first and now he’s gotta show you whose boss

Gripping your hips he began to move inside you, loud noises of flesh slapping began to be heard over the dripping over the running water, your arms mindlessly cupping round his neck as you started to moan in his ear.

‘It- hurts…fuck…’

‘C- calm down.’ A small spank to your thigh made you moan, biting your lip down, you could feel your tits pushing harshly against his strong chest.

‘Ah- feels good..’

‘Fuck- tell me how you like it baby..’ lips sucking violently at your skin as he thrusted balls deep inside of you, so desperately milking his cock into you.

‘Want you to touch me issei, please..’ pretty, tearful eyes stared at him. How could he ever say sorry to a face as beautiful as yours.

His fingers nudged at your red clit, rubbing it inside of you, you felt so full, cock bulging at your stomach from how much he pushed into you. This was so bad, so so bad…but it felt so good…

‘YES!! Yes like that yesss daddy…’

‘Such a whore for me yeah? For me?’

‘For you yes yes yes…’ your orgasm nearing, slick sticking to your thighs as he banged you out, you felt like a bitch in heat. A small vulnerable woman stuck in her own porno, getting used and beat the fuck out by this random stranger… but the way his cock pushed so deeply inside you was better than anything you’ve ever had, he felt so addictive

And he thought the same about you never the less, he loves tight, virgin women.. you were different to the rest, so timid and shy, but with such a bad attitude, a shy brat, something he just loved about his women…

‘ISSEI!!!’ You scream, gushing all over his thighs and legs as he did the same, filling your virgin cunt up to the brim, your teeth sunk into his shoulder as he continued to fuck into you, ride you both out of your orgasms…

Dropping you on your two legs, he took no time cupping you and throwing you over his shoulder, your tired face enough to show he did his job. Fingers plunged into you to make sure none of his seed spills from your hymen-broke cunt.

Turning the tap off, he made his way out into his room, setting you on the bed and watching your sleepy eyes start to close shut.

‘You ain’t sleeping, got a whole week with me, might even take you home if your lucky.’

[weweredoingmushrooms]

I'm so delirious right now I was seriously about to brush my teeth with fucking peanut butter.

No, dont ask me why, I DONT KNOW WHY

[i-write-boop-spoops]

Guzma as an expecting father! headcanons

ignore the fact I'm a day late for father's day, it's dilf! guzma time!

features: pregnancy and discussion of symptoms, a smidge of angst, and some mild references to sex

Enjoy!

Oh shit.

Well, this wasn’t part of the plan

It’s not necessarily unexpected though

Admittedly, you two had been rather lax when it came to protection

And as much as he talked up his pull-out game, Guzma found it very hard to put his money where his mouth is when he’s about to bust a fat nut

So here you are

His baby

His fucking cinnamon applin

Almost in tears as you tell him that you’re pregnant

From all the shock, he doesn’t know what to say

He doesn’t know what to feel either

His mind is a swirl of emotions

It takes him a moment (or several minutes) to fully comprehend the situation

Not great, since you’re freaking the fuck out waiting for his response

Eventually, he just gives you a big, reassuring hug and tells you that he’s here for you, and your baby too.

In reality, Guzma likes the idea of having a family with you

And you’re his boo, he’d do anything to support you, no matter what

He really really wants to be a good dad

A provider for your burgeoning family

The kind of man you deserve

So first things first – well after he takes you both out for malasadas to calm yourselves down and celebrate - he’s gotta get a job

He’ll take anything

Fast-food chef, janitorial duties, cashier, Pyukumuku thrower…

Hopefully some professional battling to get some legit earnings

Next thing, you two are moving OUT of the Shady House

And by extension Po Town

That place is not suitable for babies

You don’t stray too far though

Getting yourselves a cramped (but thankfully two-bed) apartment in Malie City

Lowkey

And by that, I mean HIGHKEY

Guzma thinks you’re hot af pregnant

Man is like 100 times more handsy

Which is wild considering how handsy he already was

But his touches are a lot gentlerand loving

Though still quite protective and possessive

My man may or may not have shed a tear when he felt that first kick

Guzma goes back and forth on whether or not to propose to you

On one hand, he loves you, and he wants to give your baby a more stable home

But on the other, he doesn’t want you to feel like he’s just doing this because you’re pregnant and it’s “the right thing to do”

Plus, weddings are so stressful

And expensive!

Eventually, he decides to wait until after your baby is here to propose

After all, they’d make such a cute little flower boy/girl on the big day!

God-mon Plumeria!

You two set up the cutest little nursery for youe baby

Ideally he wanted to fill it with brand-new stuff

But that wasn’t totally feasible, so many things are second-hand

Some from when you were born!

One of the new items though, is a cutiefly teddy

It was the first thing he bought for the baby

First thing he bought from his first pay-cheque actually

Walking home tired and stressed from his first week on the job

He’s usually pretty good at dealing with your symptoms

Gives you back-rubs, holds your hair back when you’re getting sick, over-indulges your weird-cravings…

Seriously he went out at four a.m. trying to find somewhere that sold pickled lumberries so you could have them with some yogurt and peanut butter

Though considering the fact he is new to all this + he has 0 patience things can get a bit hairy sometimes

Like he is not good at handling any mood-swings

Or when baby kicks him in his sleep

One thing he does enjoy about you being pregnant is that you’ve taken to wearing his clothes a lot more

They’re big on you, so they’re perfect for your changing body

We all know how he feels about you in his clothes 👀

He keeps ultrasound pictures on him at all times

Just as a reminder of his little larva

Makes the tough days easier

He loves being the big spoon even more now

Finding great comfort and excitement in holding you and cradling your bump while he falls asleep

When baby finally comes

Yall know ya boi is gonna be right by your side

Doing his best to support you through this traumatic, demanding time

(though I can also totally see him just chilling, casually eating a sandwich while you’re pushing out a LITERAL human baby from your bits)

Once baby pops out, and you get to hold your little one

Guzma wraps his arms around both of you, gazing at the wonderful life you’ve created together

And after a moment he asks:

“So, Guzma Jr.?”

“Absolutely not!”

[slimearchon]

Steven Grant x GN Reader Sugary Cookies and Midnight Walks

🍮- is my signature for my fics @slimearchon

Pairing: Steven Grant x GN Reader

Word Count: 2134

Warning: None. Fluffy af

Summary: You are out of eggs while making cookies and since it is late outside Steven walks with you to the store. 

(Gif not mine credit to owner)

🍮-Steven was laying on his bed listening to the podcast that was supposed to stimulate his brain enough to stay awake. The soft clicking in his room came from the Rubix cube he played with in one hand.

🍮-His tired eyes burned but he didn’t allow himself to rest them, knowing he would probably fall asleep and end up somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be. He didn’t want to run up his electric bill by keeping the lights on in the middle of the night so the soft lights of several lamps lit his apartment.

🍮-Their bulbs gentle buzzing and added to the symphony.

🍮-Abruptly another sound invaded his space, a series of knocks on his apartment door, they were gentle, probably not wanting to knock too loud and wake any sleeping neighbors but loud enough for his ears to pick them up.

🍮-He shot up from the bed, his eyes flickering to the podcast that was playing. Worries of it being too loud and he was about to get chewed out for it raced through his head. He checked to see if he was dressed enough to open the door.

🍮-He was lucky he had a pair of pajama pants on and didn’t shed them to sport his usual boxers and t-shirt he usually wore while he was waiting for the sun to rise and the rest of the world to wake up.

🍮-He jumped over the sand by his bed, not wanting to mess up the sand when he just smoothed it  out before he climbed into his bed.

🍮-He eyed himself in Gus’s fish tank, making sure he look alright before he opened the door. His lungs left his body once he realized who was at his door, his neighbor from across the hall, the one he held a big puppy crush on.

🍮-“Hiya, was my podcast too loud? I’m terribly sorry if it was, I’ll be sure to turn it down ya,” His words fell from his mouth at a rapid pace. His heart thudded in his chest, just from being in your presence.

🍮-He had pretty much given up on worrying about his under-eye bags and veiny red eyes knowing they were always going to be present with his sleeping disorder, but he couldn’t help but cringe at you seeing them.

🍮-“Oh no, that’s not why I was here.” You shook your head, smiling at him in reassurance, “I can’t hear it on my end.”

🍮-“Oh,” He scratched his head, his eyes skirting around your face instead of meeting your eyes. He found eye contact difficult with a regular person but making it with you was a challenge he always tried to beat. He loved gazing into your eyes when he had the chance to. “What brings you over then? It’s a bit late, innit?”

🍮-He was used to his terrible sleep schedule it was a but ironic for him to be worried about your lack of sleep.

🍮-“I wanted to bake a little late-night snack, I saw this recipe for these peanut butter sugar cookies and I won’t be able to sleep till I have them in my mouth.” Your eyes glazed over, recalling how good they looked on the food blog you were scrolling through.

🍮-You shook away the image and focused back on your sweet neighbor, you had bumped into him around the building a few times, he was always offering to help you carry your groceries or holding the elevator door open for you.

🍮-You never minded his little talking spells about random facts he read the night before. Always engaging him in conversation and asking him to elaborate more if you had the time, you never brushed him off like others would.

🍮-He was infatuated with you from the moment you smiled his way. He felt pathetic that a person showed him common kindness and his little heart fluttered alive. He felt like a creep, reprimanding himself for falling so easily.

🍮-Steven paused, not quite sure where this was going but not trying to be rude and rush you to elaborate. “Yes, those do sound lovely.” He nodded, clasping his hands together, running his thumb over his palm in a soothing motion.

“🍮-Turns out I am out of eggs, so I was wondering if you had any to spare? I’ll be sure to repay them. I knew you would be up so I thought it would be okay to come over and ask you.” You shifted on your feet, your hands intertwined together in front of you.

🍮-He flushed red, suddenly regretting his vegan diet. “I’m sorry, I’m a vegan so I’m afraid I don’t have any in my flat.” His fingers picked at his nails, upset that he had to give you a negative answer.

🍮-Your mouth dropped open, “Oh! I do remember you mentioning that. I’m so sorry for bothering you, I guess I’ll just have to pop into the shop then.” You smiled at him before, turning to go back to your apartment to fetch a jacket to go out in.

🍮-“You are gonna go to the shop in the middle of the night? A bit dangerous, innit?” He tilted his head to the side, worry leaking into his bones.

🍮-You popped out your door, a jacket now resting on your shoulders, and raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m fine going by myself. Unless you would like to go with me?” You hummed, widening your eyes, silently pleading for him to come with you.

🍮-Two people walking at night is always better than one.

🍮-You might have had a crush on the sweet man as well and wanted to spend more time with him.

🍮-“Me? Come with?” He waved his hands around, surprised at the suggestion.

🍮-You nodded, “Unless this is the night you decide to change your nocturnal way,” You laughed, shutting your door and swinging the keys in your hand.

🍮-“No, I’d love to go with you.” He rushed out, he shuffled into his apartment, stuffing his feet into the first pair of shoes he saw and hastily putting on a jacket. Just to be cautious of the dreary weather of London, he swiped up an umbrella before shutting his door closes with an eager slam.

🍮-“I’m ready now.” He puffed, his rapid movements catching up with him. Rapid footsteps echoed behind you as he scampered behind you to the elevator. “I brought an umbrella just in case, yeah.”

🍮-He waved it in your direction, shrugging his shoulders.

🍮-“Good idea. Who knows if it will start raining as soon as we get outside.” You chirped, excited that you got him to come with you.

🍮-As soon as you left the building the cold night air blasted both of you. This was just the outcome you had hoped for. You weren’t really a touchy-feely person, heck you rarely hugged your friends who you have known for years, but Steven didn’t know that.

🍮-With rehearsed words, you slid your arm around his and nestled into his side, “Oh it’s freezing out, I’m glad I have you to help keep me warm.” You looked straight ahead down the sidewalk, acting like nothing was out of the ordinary.

🍮-You noticed the way Steven stiffened up at your touch, almost like he hasn’t been in physical contact with a person in years. You felt him take in a large breath before letting it out slowly his feet leading him forward unsteadily.

🍮-“Yeah, no problem. I’m happy to help.” He grinned, behind his tired eyes gaining a sparkle of happiness.

🍮-You two make it to the shop and cruised the aisles, you didn’t bother to grab a basket or a cart. The small half-dozen carton of eggs was easy to carry by itself. While checking out you had pleaded with him to get candy as payment for walking with you.

🍮-“Come on, get one. I want to thank you.” You tugged at his arm, lifting it towards the assortment of shiny packages covering the shelves.

🍮-“Are you sure, I don’t want to put you out.” He chewed on his bottom lip, his eyes darting from you to the candy display. Finally, his hand shot out and grabbed a small bag of Swedish fish, he placed it on the counter next to the eggs.

🍮-“Cheers.” He gave you a small smile.

🍮-You plucked a Twix off the shelf and got your card out to pay. You hide your smirk when you went to put in your pin number and Steven hurriedly looked away. Like he didn’t want you to think he was going to steal from you or something.

🍮-Ever the gentleman, he grabbed the bag before you could and motioned to head out of the store. Soon both of you were once again walking down the street heading to your apartment building.

🍮-This time when you huddled close to him to leech off his body warmth he didn’t jump as hard as the previous time, he actually relaxed into your embrace.

🍮-Too soon the both of you stood in front of your respective doors. You purposely brushed your fingers against his when you took the bag from him. The touched left flutters across your skin. His hands were nice and big, perfect for handholding.

🍮-You longed to hold his hand one day.

🍮-You pulled the Swedish fish out of the bag and tossed them to him, he caught them with a fumble of arm movements.

🍮-You waved your hand, “Thank you again, I’ll let you know how the cookies turn out.”

🍮-“Yeah, cheers again for the candy.” He shook the bag in the air and scratched the back of his head, his curls bouncing around adorably.

🍮-“No problem, thank you for coming with me.” You sent a beaming smile, unlocking your door and stepping in.

🍮-“Goodnight, Steven.”

🍮-“Night!” He rushed out, sending you his own dazzling smile.

🍮-A week later after your little midnight walk, Steven was hurried to his door in the middle of the night once more. He recognized your soft knocking and practically tripped on his way to his door.

🍮-“Hiya! What brings you around this time?” His voice came out loud during his first couple of words, not able to control his excitement.

🍮-“I felt bad that you didn’t get any cookies the other night since they weren’t vegan. Luckily, the blog I was on had a vegan version of the recipe that I made. I thought I would bake you some.” You chirped, holding a big plate with a small mountain of cookies piled high, plastic wrap glinting under the overhead lights.

🍮-“Oh wow, cheers, thank you so much.” He breathed, his eyes widening in awe. He didn’t waste any time unraveling the plastic and taking a big hearty bite from one of the cookies. A loud moan burst from his lips.

🍮-“Wow, these are absolutely grand! Best bloody things I have eaten in weeks.” He hummed, talking around the cookie as he finished off the other half.

🍮-Your heart warmed, you always loved it when a man had a good appetite, and the compliments on your baking added to your pleasure.

🍮-“Well, I would send you a link to the cookies but then what would you have me for.” You smirked, tilting your head at him.

🍮-“I just might have to put a ring on your finger, to get the recipe.” He replied, his mouth moving before his brain could fully analyze what he said. The poor man started hacking up the bits of the cookie he inhaled.

🍮-“I didn’t mean it like that.” He coughed, “Not that it wouldn’t be a pleasure to marry you.” He reassured, one hand franticly waving around in the air.

🍮-“How about you take me out on a date first before you start talking about rings.” You sent him a flirty smile.

🍮-“What? A date? With me?” He shook his head, not sure if he ears head correctly.

🍮-“Yes, with you. If it goes well I just might tell you the recipe.” You grinned, leaning closer to him and catching his eyes in yours. “Would you like that? To go on a date with me?”

🍮-“Yeah, that sounds grand, like something out of a dream.” He whispered, afraid if he talked too loudly he was going to wake himself up, if this was a dream he wanted to stay immersed in it for as long as he could.

🍮-You chuckled, “I would love to go on a date with you.”

🍮-“Yeah, I would like that too.” He gave you a shining smile, feeling like his entire world was starting to warm up by your mere presence. He couldn’t wait to take you out and show you a great time.

🍮-Maybe if he charmed you would stay by his side forever. He could only hope.

I have never written a character with a British accent so please be gentle with your critiques. I hoped you liked it all the same! I am so lovesick for Steven and Marc. 

I look forward to writing for them more. Let me know what you think. Please leave a note and reblog. Both really motivate me to write more. 🤍

[gardenerian]

Allow me to indulge you and formally ask: 5 times Ian and Lip shared ice cream and 1 time... Mickey and Tami joined? Mickey and Tami brought them ice cream? Oh! Lip and Ian walked in on Mickey and Tami sharing ice cream? Whatever. Dealer's choice.

🗣 YESSSSSS! i meant to finish and post this yesterday but watch watch really took over my brain. thank you so much for indulging me, my love!🍦❤️ 

1.

ian wakes in a dark, cramped room, in a bed that's too small, surrounded by the sounds of someone else's sleep. just like he has for the last several months.

it's the same, really - except everything is different.

this room is his room. the walls aren't bare white cinderblock, they're covered with posters and childhood art. his toes hang over the side of the bed that's always been his, rather than a stiff prison bunk.

and those sleepy snuffles are carl's, rather than mickey's.

ian's not going to get any sleep in here tonight. he's too lost, too hyperaware of mickey's absence. thrown back into this house, this life, with all its chaos.

the party had been perfect - holding onto liam, ribbing carl over the cake. holding franny, holding freddie. kissing debbie's red hair. watching lip cradle his son at last. kev, veronica, and a hoard of people he didn't know.

but now he's alone with his thoughts instead of alone with mickey.

ian swings his feet over the side of the bed, holding his head in his hands for a moment before making a decision. it's foreign, this freedom. moving about the house simply because he can.

lip is sitting in the kitchen, poking at the sad remains of tonight's sheet cake with a fork. his smile is tired when he spots ian on the stairs.

"thought you'd be sawing logs by now, man."

ian huffs a laugh, snatching lip's fork as he sits beside him. "can't sleep," he admits. "too much... well, too much."

lip nods like he understands, even though he doesn't. he sticks a finger in the icing and frowns. "this cake is dry as fuck. think i know what it needs."

he scoots back from the table, and a moment later he plops a carton of ice cream on the table, two spoons clattering beside it. ian grins, tossing the icing-covered fork aside and reaching for a spoon. lip opens up the ice cream - peanut butter swirl - and holds it out to ian.

they eat in sleepy silence for a moment, two men out of their element even in this familiar place. ian feels the tension of the day slip away a bit. fiona's long gone, mickey's miles away in a cell without him, and his parole officer might just ruin his entire fucking life.

but he can still sit in this yellow kitchen with his brother, sweetness on his tongue and a warmth in his veins. lip looks tired, staring down at the table as he fiddles with his spoon.

"thought you were supposed to sleep when the kid sleeps, pops?"

"you gonna call me pops forever?"

when ian just smiles, lip sighs. "yeah, probably should be asleep. we're still tryin' to work out a routine, y'know?"

ian nods like he understands, even though he doesn't.

“i don’t know how the fuck this is gonna go,” lip continues, and this ian understands. everything feels so up in the air right now, and it’s hard to believe that fucking prison is the last place he really felt secure.

lip stands, pushing the ice cream closer to ian. “glad to have a minute with you though,” he says, clapping ian on the shoulder. “good to have you back.”

ian hums in agreement, tossing a wave over his shoulder. he doesn’t feel like he’s back, not just yet. but it’s nice to be here, wherever he is, with the familiar thumping of his brother up the stairs.

2.

lip stays in the living room after everyone disperses. mickey drags ian upstairs to celebrate the engagement, tami takes fred out to the RV, and the other gallaghers shut themselves away in their own bedrooms. 

but lip sits quietly, buckling under the weight of his own announcement, and listens to the sounds of his family settling in the rooms above him. thinks about raising his son away from them. 

after a little while, once everyone quiets down for sleep, lip is startled from thought by the creeping footsteps of someone on the back stairs. he turns to see ian tiptoeing into the kitchen. 

lip watches him fumble around in the dark for a minute, snorting when ian stubs his toe on the refrigerator. ian jumps at the sound. 

“the fuck you doin’ sitting in the dark?”

lip just shrugs. “just thinking. why aren’t you up there with your betrothed, huh?”

“also thinking,” ian replies, pulling a tub of chocolate ice cream from the freezer. he holds it out to lip in question, who gladly takes it, eager for a distraction. ian grabs the spoons, and they settle on the couch to dig in. 

“so you popped the question,” lip says after a moment. “for real this time?”

ian smacks him lightly on the head. “it was real the first time,” he argues weakly. “but yes, i asked him again tonight.” 

he looks a little dazed, spoon dangling from his mouth. there’s chocolate staining his lips, and he looks impossibly young for a man with a fiancé. 

“how did you know,” lip asks, “that it was right? how are you suddenly so sure, after all that?”

ian takes the tub from lip and settles it in his own lap. “i didn’t know,” he answers. “i don’t know. but - i guess i realized i’m not so afraid to find out.”

and how much of their lives have been driven by fear? fear of being without, fear of being alone. fear of whatever lives within them. fuck, lip’s even afraid right now. how can he know the right thing to do?

“you gotta trust yourself at some point, lip,” ian says then, as if reading his thoughts. he takes lip’s spoon and stands, walking over to the kitchen to put everything away. when he returns, he puts a hand in lip’s hair. 

“i’m going back up before mickey wakes up and gets cranky. see you in the morning?”

lip nods - maybe he’ll be less afraid in the sunlight. 

3.

he’s out of cereal. motherfucker. 

ian peels himself from the couch and trudges to the kitchen in search of a substitute. he finds it in the freezer - some mint flavor of debbie’s. whatever, it’ll do. 

he slumps in chair at the table, digging in without any real interest. it’s just something to do. 

mickey’s somewhere with sandy - for the sake of his anxiety, ian didn’t ask where - and ian suddenly has no where to be. without a job, there’s no need for him to shower or change, no need for him to feel any real urgency. 

no need for him for much of anything, really. 

lip breezes through the back door with freddie, derailing ian’s pathetic train of thought. ian’s glad to see someone else in the house; he was tired of haunting the place on his own. 

“what’re you up to?”

lip turns to him, settling fred in franny’s old high chair. “need to borrow a ladder,” he says, looking around the kitchen before his gaze settles on the ice cream in front of ian. “rough day?” 

“not really,” ian sighs, pushing the tub forward in invitation. “nothing’s going on. whole lotta nothing.”

lip raises an eyebrow as he sits at the kitchen table. he pulls one of fred’s little spoons from his bag and scoops himself a thimbleful of ice cream. “no luck on the job search, then?”

“not much work for a guy on parole, especially when the world’s ending,” ian answers around a mouthful. “and with the wedding money gone, we’re kinda fucked. mickey keeps scamming his way into cash, but how long can that last?”

“we’ve always scammed cash when we needed it,” lip reminds him. 

ian sighs - yeah, that’s true. but he’d thought, or hoped, maybe, that getting married might force a little security. a change in the way they care for each other. in the way they live together.

“i just don’t wanna have to,” ian tells him. “i don’t want every day to be such a risk, y’know? so fucking sick of prison looming over our heads.”

“i know man, trust me,” lip says, glancing over at fred. “but shit’s just - not normal right now. it won’t be like this forever. we just have to buckle down and do what we gotta do right now.”

ian leans back in his chair and swallows down a spoonful. he looks at lip, who looks back. they sit together in their own uncertainties, the same taste in their mouths. 

4.

it’s quiet when lip pushes into ian and mickey’s apartment. 

he doesn’t like it - there’s usually so much noise in here. mickey shouting about something, ian singing or humming off-key, nieces and nephews running around. 

but today it’s quiet.

ian’s on the couch, fiddling with his phone. he doesn’t look up when lip comes in. he doesn’t grin or wave, he doesn’t snap or tell him to go. he’s quiet. 

mickey called a little while ago, asking lip to come by while he went out for a bit. it’s really not bad, he’d assured him, i think he’ll just want to see you. but it doesn’t look like ian wants much of anything right now. 

“i brought vanilla,” lip announces lowly, and ian finally turns his head to face him. “mickey said your stomach’s not in great shape.” 

“it’s just the new dose,” ian mumbles. “can’t have too much.”

lip sits on the floor by the couch, dropping the ice cream and spoons on the coffee table. when ian makes no move for it, lip opens the tub and holds out a spoon. 

“don’t make me feed you,” lip warns. “i haven’t fed you in like, twenty years, and i think we’re past that.”

“you never fed me,” ian snorts, and lip delights in the sound. maybe it’s really not so bad this time. “i’m barely younger than you.”

“i absolutely did,” he insists. “you can ask fiona. she had to help me, but i definitely did it.”

“whatever, dad,” ian mutters, sitting up slowly and gingerly taking a spoon. he takes just a little bit, but lip watches him smile as the sweetness hits his tongue. neither of them really had a sweet tooth growing up, so these moments together feel extra indulgent now. 

they don’t talk much. there isn’t really anything to solve. there’s no big plan to fix this. it’s just something they have to feel their way through, wading through the quiet. 

“i would, you know,” lip says after a moment. 

“would what?”

“i’d feed you this fucking ice cream,” lip says around a laugh. “if you wanted.”

“oh, fuck off,” ian grumbles, rolling his eyes. then - “i know, asshole.”

5.

ian’s pacing the kitchen when lip finally bursts through the door.

“what’s wrong,” he pants, eyes roaming wildly over ian’s face. “what’s the emergency?”

“i never said there was an emergency,” ian corrects him. “i merely said that i needed you to come over immediately.”

“that implies something very urgent, ian,” lip sighs, throwing himself into a chair at the dining table. 

“this is urgent,” ian agrees. “just - not terrible? i don’t think?”

“what the fuck are you talking about?”

ian plops a carton of ice cream in front of his brother. lip leans forward and peers at the label. 

“is this fucking boysenberry?”

“yeah, they got really weird flavors in this neighborhood. best i could find.”

“well, you do owe me for dragging me over here,” lip says, opening up the ice cream. “what’s going on?”

ian takes a breath, steadying himself for this news. when they got the call, he was so wrapped up in mickey, he thought he’d never untangle himself. they’d spent last night celebrating, planning, and making promises. 

but today - he needs to talk to lip. 

“we’re getting a kid,” ian tells him. “a baby. human.”

“thanks for the clarification,” lip answers dully, before standing and pulling ian into a hug. “holy shit, man!”

“i know,” ian breathes after they’re seated again, “fuck.” 

lip sniffs at the ice cream, and, upon apparently finding it satisfactory, scoops himself a spoonful. ian follows suit, trusting lip’s judgment. it’s alright - it’s different, kind of tart. 

“look at us,” lip laughs, reaching for another bite, “we’re evolving.”

“i don’t think fruit in our ice cream counts as development, man.”

“i’d argue otherwise, but who gives a shit? you’re getting a kid! definitely evolving. how d’you feel? what about mickey?”

“scared shitless, both of us. but - happy? maybe even ready? can you really be ready?”

“sounds about right. you’re as ready as you can be, but then it actually happens and you realize you weren’t ready at all. but you’ll catch up.”

“comforting, thanks.”

lip leans forward, wrapping a hand around ian’s wrist. “you got this, pops. gonna be a great dad.” 

“learned from the best, i guess,” ian laughs, holding out his spoon. “to evolving,” he says when lip clinks his against it. 

+1 

“stop eating all the cookie dough, mickey!”

“stop batting my spoon away, bitch!”

“move the fuck over then, and let me have some.”

“this is my house, tamietti, and my ice cream.”

“pretty sure it’s ian’s, actually, and he’s gonna kill us when he gets back.”

“what’s his is mine, and this is mine.”

“you’re such a drunk idiot - hey!”

tami and mickey look up, stunned, as a giant freckled hand wrenches the ice cream away from them. ian looms over them where they’re huddled around the kitchen island, face thunderous. lip stands behind him, arms crossed over his chest, clearly amused. 

“the fuck, mick? i told you i was saving that for lip!”

“fuck lip,” mickey chuckles, reaching for the ice cream. ian holds it over his head and mickey pouts as it moves out of reach. tami snatches it and inspects what’s left of the pint.

“i’d say we saved you some, but mickey here ate all of the cookie dough in it. so there’s - there’s just vanilla left in here.”

“why are you guys even here?” ian snaps. “you’re supposed to be out tonight.”

“went out,” mickey shrugs. “got drunk, came back.” 

“sorry to interrupt brother night,” tami says, not sounding very sorry at all. “mickey said there were snacks here... so we’re here.”

lip snorts. “sound logic. it’s cool, ian, we’ll just run out for more. or eat this sad cookie dough, it’s fine.”

ian’s chin juts out as he narrows his eyes at his husband. “you’ve been eyeing this ice cream since i brought it home yesterday. was this your plan all along? eat it all before we got back from the movie and hope i wouldn’t notice?”

mickey bites down on a grin. “maybe i was gonna say fiona wanted some.”

“damn, dude,” lip laughs. “you were gonna blame this on your kid?”

“she’s not even here!” ian shouts. “this is a terrible plan!” 

mickey leans over the island, motioning for ian to come closer. “i’ll make it up to you,” he promises. “i’ll make it up to you all night.”

ian nods, considering. mickey’s brand of repentance is pretty enticing. 

“you better. now pass me a fucking spoon.”