#people as genuine as Laudna are so rare

[ratinayellowbandana]

lavender thread // a curated imodna playlist

I started curating this playlist over two years ago, and it’s still one of my favorite creations because I put arguably way too much thought into it. I soft-launched this a couple weeks ago, and I was genuinely surprised by how many people checked it out.  

It’s in rough chronological order from pre-relationship to post-campaign. Every song goes through a fairly thorough vetting process for thematic appropriateness, accuracy, tone, and genre. For example, if there are too many references to modern technology, days of the week, months, real places, religion, etc., it will likely be cut to build the "world of the story." Imodna playlist, but make it hyperspecific. Like, corpse falling in love with an embalmer specific. (you can find the "rejects" here)

Right now, the playlist is broken into two acts, with a prologue, an epilogue, and a couple of sub-sections sprinkled in. I personally recommend not shuffling, at least on a first listen, so you get to experience the full journey. But hey, I can’t stop you.

This playlist is a constant work in progress. I’ll add new songs I find that feel fitting, and sometimes they live at the bottom of the playlist for a while before I get around to slotting them in. “Dance in the Graveyards” will always be the end of the structured playlist. Rarely, I’ll remove or shuffle a song if I think it doesn’t fit the vibe, the lyrics aren’t specific enough, or it’s just not working. 

I’m making this post to share my playlist with anyone else who might want it and to write down my reasoning for every song so I don’t forget it. It’ll be updated as new songs get added. Enjoy!

I laid out my reasoning for each song mostly for my own benefit. You'll see the "section," song title, artist, a little blurb from me, and one/two of my favorite or the most relevant sections of the song. Sometimes, I just had to pick something because the whole song was perfect.

Prologue: 

“Stories” - Lilli Furfaro

It’s a beautiful framing device. It’s the premise of the game, the world, the show, and the characters. Fun fact: I found this song two full years before I learned she made a whole Vox Machina album lol.

“We are stories / Bеginnings, middles, ends / Our power lies in living lives that touch a life or two [...] / In this world we’ve built on games of chance / And hours of introspection”

ACT 1

Laudna, Before:

A general note: I looked for songs that were just slightly off-putting with darker over and undertones to match Laudna’s energy.

“Old Churchyard” - The Wailin’ Jennys

Welcome to the world. Foreshadowing and a set-up for the downfall of Whitestone. Speaks to the exhaustion. I imagine a tiny Laudna being ever so hopeful that it might get better but embracing the eeriness of a graveyard in the meantime.

“I rest in the hope that one bright day / Sunshine will burst through these prisons of clay / And the trumpets will sound on the hills near and far / Will wake up the dead in the old churchyard”

“Funeral Bell” - PHILDEL

The aftermath of the banquet. The fear, sadness, and resignation. The sense of relief. 

“Oh mother, I’m scared to die. / Where, where do my good deeds lie? / Oh father, I’m scared to live, / Takes more than I’ve got to give.”

“Apple Tree” - Marika Hackman

Hanging from the tree. A crowd gathering. Wanting to be remembered. Enough said. 

“Here I hang for the sated crowd / To look upon my eyes, look upon my mouth / And say, ‘We were there that day / I saw a face, heard a sound’”

“Special Death” - Mirah

Asking, “Why me?” A sense of confusion and loss along with the saving of Whitestone. Concludes with the beginnings of the la-la-las. 

“But it's a special death you saved / For me, the brown-eyed daughter”

“Ain’t No Grave (Sparse)” - Crooked Sill, Aoife O’Donovan

It’s a little on the nose, yes, but I chose this version specifically for the sense of emptiness it evokes. There’s an implied skepticism of seeing people you think you’re able to trust, specifically “gods’ people” (as I’m choosing to interpret it), and thinking of the clerics who saw a monster. The dismay of being resurrected into a world that hates you. We’ll see if this one sticks; it’s a little heavy on references to Christianity.

“Ain't no grave gonna hold my body down / When I hear that trumpet sound / I'm gonna get up out of the ground”

“Don’t Know Who I Am” - Rebecca Roubion

The distinct loss of identity and a surprisingly apt description. Laudna had no name and no sense of self or what she was. She’s searching for something to identify.  

“Black tears on my shirt / Black tears on my freckles / I've been stung by this hurt / I've been stung by a stinging nettle”

“Lying Beast” - Run River North

Running. Running far and fast, leaving home behind. Seeing herself as a beast and being terrified of it. So alone. 

“And so I flew away with myself / I was the beast all alone in my hell!”

“Drinking Song” - House Phone

What could she have become if she hadn’t been murdered so soon? We see her begin to play and fantasize and dream and grow. 

“'Cause you won't rewrite history / To commemorate the likes of me / And you would not believe me if I tried / To tell you all the things I've seen / And all the places that I've been”

“Mile Magnificent” - molly ofgeography

Starting to explore her magic and Delilah’s influence in her head. It starts to feel... good? The pent-up frustration and anger have a release.

“We bloom beneath the blessings of a goddess with no face [...] / All my better demons have gone the way they came”

“Stolen Roses” - Karen Elson

Digging into the anger, searching for a purpose. Too old and too young at the same time, forced to grow up too fast. 

“There once was a time when I was a girl / That darkness hung in my sky / I was old before I learned to be young / Stone cold till I learn how to cry”

“These Bones” - Azrai (ft. Momo O’brien)

Searching for a home, a place to rest. Crossing the sea to Marquet. (The intro, as you’ll hear, foreshadows the pluckier sound of Imogen’s section.) Skeletal imagery. 

“I am a long time finding home / I have only ever wandered before / It′s a savage sea we're made to roam / Every tide can turn to haunt us / But the ocean reaches past these ghosts / And I will always sail for more” 

“Mountain Song” - Little Chief

A beautiful, adventurous musical introduction. Open to the possibility of new things, still weary, but there’s more here. 

“I’ve been living in a hole in the mountain / Ain’t no sins in there / Oh, these memories they keep on following”

This is our transition into...

Imogen, Before:

A general note: I tried to seek out songs with more of a folky-bluegrass vibe for Imogen to match her background. 

“Second Child, Restless Child” - The Oh Hellos

I imagine a very young, carefree Imogen. Well before her powers kicked in. I like to think she thought she was a bit of a troublemaker, but anything she did was so endearing and mild that it was sweet. A happy kid with big dreams until the signs of something else started to appear. 

“With a spirit running wild, running free / And they saw trouble in my eyes / They were quick to recognize the devil in me”

“I’ve Endured” - Tim O’Brien

Growing up with her father in the mountains and in the fields. The nightmares begin. But this is fine, right? She can handle this. 

“I've seen the lightnin' flashin', I heard the thunder roll / I've endured, I've endured / How long must one endure?”

“Wander. Wonder.” - The Arcadian Wild

The powers are coming on strong. Post-nightmares and in pain, nothing she did was good enough. She felt trapped in her own home, shackled by her mind and father, perhaps, as she tried not to let on that she was changing.

“Half awake I wander through this house / Lost in a labyrinth and left with no way out / I built this hall of mirrors all myself / Faces staring back at me look like somebody else”

“Lost in My Mind” - The Head And The Heart

Everything is So Much. Thoughts of leaving but–

“Momma once told me / ‘You're already home where you feel loved,’ / I am lost in my mind / I get lost in my mind”

“Trouble and Woe” - Ruth Moody

The voices are awful, and the world is so bleak. People are cruel. Getting worse, and hoping it will get better. 

“This world is full of trouble and woe / All I see is trouble, everywhere I go”

“Little Bird” - The Weepies

People have noticed. Trips to town are much harder. The voices are louder. 

“Sometimes it's hard to say even one thing true / When all eyes have turned aside, they used to talk to you / And people on the streets seem to disapprove / So you keep moving away”

“Storm Comin’” - The Wailin’ Jennys

It’s getting worse. Nightmares getting more frequent. Control is slipping. And, you might notice this song is by the same artist as Laudna’s first. I do love a bit of symbolism. 

“Will you listen to that thunder roar and let your spirits soar / When that love calls, open up your door [...] / No, don’t run from the coming storm, ‘cause it can’t keep a storm from coming.”

This leads us to…

Connection

General note: a blending of both genres and styles. 

“Mostly” - Vian Izak, Juniper Vale

A prelude, almost. Are you real?

“I've bought up all my dreams and sold off most my heart / I'd been lying to myself just to bury all my thoughts”

“Maybe” - The Henry Girls

The timid hope of meeting someone and realizing you feel like you’ve known them all your life. Suddenly, things might be okay.

“I feel like I should know you / I feel like we have met before [...] / And all these things that I don't really understand / Would be much simpler if you'd only hold my hand”

“Dandelion” - Heather Maloney

A moment of peace. I like to think of this as Laudna’s adoration of the natural world and its beauty. Her will to bend the laws of the world to give Imogen what she deserves. And, on a more literal level, to offer Imogen the gift of flowers because Laudna has little else to her name. This song also begins the recurring flowers-in-hair motif.

“I have nothing but these weathered hands / And I live nowhere on this wild land”

“Rain Clouds” - The Arcadian Wild

A connection over shared struggles from both sides. A mutual agreement of trust. 

“I’m being frightened by the people / They look at me like I’m a scar upon their perfect skin / Perfect to only them / I’m being shadowed by my past / Reminding me of what I was and what I could become” 

“Daylight” - Watchhouse

Realizing that this person might’ve saved you. 

“My search was unending, and my soul was bare. And darling you came to me like a midnight flare.”

“The Devil In You” - The Haunted Windchimes

The joy of being seen. Of being known. 

“I've walked a long long way it ain't new / Here I sit face to face with the devil in you / It looks a lot like someone I've spoken to / We were broken together it's true”

“Curses” - The Crane Wives

The fear that neither is good enough for the other. Basic choice? Maybe. But it’s too good to pass up. 

"Every word I say is kindling / But the smoke clears when you're around / Won't you stay with me, my darling / When my walls start burning down, down, down?”

“Wildflowers” - The Wailin’ Jennys

You deserve better. You deserve the world, and I can’t give that to you. The feeling that this is too good to be true. Surely, it can’t last. 

“Go away somewhere bright and new / I have seen no other / That compares with you”

“Bruised Feet” - Haunted Like Human

Laudna’s invitation to leave. Together. An escape from mistakes and the past. 

“Do you want to hear the stories these bruised feet could tell / ‘Cause I’ve been chasing sunrises, throwing change in wishing wells / And I’m running to and I’m running from and oh Lord knows that I ain’t done / Running for the sake of running wild, so come with me child”

Unless...

ACT 2

On the Road

“Light in the Sky” - We Banjo 3

And they’re off on a search for knowledge and freedom. 

“So if you’re lost in the night / Stuck between the demon and the knife / As it traces a line across your heart”

“Apple Pie” - Lizzie McAlpine

Transient, finding solace in one another. Home after home. How long can this last? This one has a few more references to modern things than I’d like, but I can’t pass up the vibes. 

“Every house looks the same in my dreams / Every house feels like home for a couple weeks / I've been runnin' 'round trying to find a place where I can breathe...Home is wherever you are tonight.”

“Almost Home” - Keston Cobblers Club

In search of a person, a place to settle. As long as they’re together. 

“The clouds will break the wind will brace these sails of stone / And I have never known a journey take this long / But I'm almost home”

“You and Me” - You+Me

They fit together. 

“They say everything, it happens for a reason / You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person / Someone who will be there for you when you fall apart / Guiding your direction when you're riding through the dark”

“Witchcraft” - Vian Izak

I like to think Imogen is... realizing some things, and getting attached. (We all know she fell first.)

“It's witchcraft / And I've got no defense for it / The heat is too intense for it / What good would common sense for it do?”

“For My Emablmer” - Emily June

Laudna’s turn. Still seeing herself as a dead thing, a little confused by Imogen’s friendship but embracing it all the same.

“I hope you know I won't complain / If I decompose and you're to blame / Abandon your duties, lay down next to me / Grab my hand, feel no shame”

“Home to Me” - The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Keep coming back to each other regardless of what other people think.

“How dare you love me like you've never known fear / You've got more troubles than minutes in the year / And a voice like your father's tells you nothing good's for free / Well, that may be / But you're walking home to me”

“The Moon Song” - Brittin Lane, Mitchel Morse

Foreshadowing the importance of the moon later. For now, it’s peaceful. 

“We're lying on the moon / It's a perfect afternoon / Your shadow follows me all day / Making sure that I'm okay”

“You Are My Sunshine” - Lena Hall

Contrasting the last song, when the moon becomes too much… there’s the sunshine. Specifically for Imogen constantly fighting the pull of the moon, Laudna is the sun, her spark, her light. What happens if she disappears?

“As I lay sleeping / I dreamed I held you / In my arms / When I awoke, dear / I was mistaken” 

“Two” - Sleeping At Last

These two self-sacrificial, loyal, dedicated characters. Bonus points for “I will love you without any strings attached.” A double meaning for Laudna and Delilah.

“No, I don't want to talk about myself / Tell me where it hurts / I just want to build you up, build you up / Till you're good as new”

The Campaign

“Growing Up” - Run River North

Apt for both of them as they come into their own. Growing together as they explore the world, adventure with their friends, and learn to take what comes.

“I used to close my eyes / To what stirred under my bed / Now, they're open wide / To the monsters in my head / Instead of claws, they whisper lies”

“I found my way without your help / With broken family / I'll take my breaks with my sins / Do as I do, please / With my friends 'til the end / There lies my loyalty”

“Anything Can Happen” - Tors

Imogen is being pulled. 

“But even when I start to dream / Every little piece of me / Gets a little close to the edge of darkness / I know I've been here before / Long as I'm not falling off / I'll be fine”

“Crawl In” - Upstate

Things are getting harder, but they’re seeking comfort in each other after nightmares and bad days alike. 

“Crawl in my head tonight / Read my thoughts so I don't have to speak / It's been a long, long week but I'm tryin’ / To make do and stop fussin’ and fightin’”

“Bottom of the River” - Delta Rae

The crickets chirping continue the nightmare-ish theme of the last song. However. Shit’s getting real. Holding onto each other as they sink deeper. 

“Hold my hand / Ooh it’s a long way down”

“Raise Hell” - Brandi Carlile

Can’t believe Laura Bailey beat me to this song by 2 days with her Imogen playlist. It’s the perfect mix of angsty and bluegrass-folky. Being born cursed and learning your strengths. May or may not stick because of the substantial references to Christianity, but I do love it for Imogen coming into her god-like power.

“It came upon a lightning strike / And eyes of bright clear blue”

"I'll Bend But I Won't Break" - Red Moon Road

First of all, could that band name be any more perfect? Second, this song is such a good tribute to Imogen's character. The tempo is quick; the drums like rolling thunder; and allusions to dreams, storms, the dark. "Still I will endure" calls back to the second song in Imogen's section, "I'll Endure," and "Still in the eye of the hurricane" is both great storm imagery and foreshadows "Hurricane" which is a song further down the playlist. I imagine this during Otohan Round 1, but it may shift around the playlist depending on how I feel about the flow.

"Lighting lights the sky like it's looking for me / Flashes of the forces the dark has set free / Thunder strikes the land / With the mighty heavy hand / It rocks me to my core / I won't fall down / I'll stand my ground / I'll bend but I won't break"

“Bury Me Smiling” - The Ballroom Thieves

Laudna’s second death. Love and loss. 

“I stood in silence / A mind's worth of violence / Strung me a short rope / Round my neck / A love like an old home / Breathes in these dry bones”

“Afterlife” - Haunted Like Human

Laudna on Imogen’s desperate search to get her back. Asking Imogen not to waste her time. The choice to return. I particularly love the chimes. Musical thoughts and the reflection of death. 

“So darling don’t go digging up graves / When love is lost the afterlife is a choice you gotta make / So put the nails in the coffin, let them rust in place / But darling don’t go digging up graves”

“The Mountain Song (First Dance Version)” - Tophouse

The “I would do anything for you” of it all. Resurrection. Hope. Bonus points for flower-in-hair motif.

“Well the clouds rolled in / There was lightning there was thunder there was rain / As we hid beneath our shelter / All the doubts that we had felt / Came pouring in as a flood we had to face”

“Flowers in My Hair” - Wes Reeve

Yearning. A bit of good old fashioned wanting what can’t be had. I imagine this is the last of the first Whitestone visit and the orange tree is the golden glow of the sun tree. Whitestone Andy mention? Continuing flower motif. 

“I had a dream of a boy who loved me and / We danced in the leaves of an orange tree [...] / Then I went my own way, and you crossed the highway / But just maybe someday we’ll be, my pretty”

“Haven” - We Banjo 3

The Rudius arc is kicking into gear. “You have the biggest spark of anyone I’ve ever seen” vibes. 

“The moonlight's a path we can travel down / River runs wild with what has gone before / Cast aside for new and more and more and more and more and more and more / Let me be your haven / Let me be your light”

Moon Arc

“Wax & Wane” - Alana Henderson

Oooh tension. The drama. The moon is affecting the relationship. We’re starting to see a shift to a darker mood around the Solstice and all that’s around it. Mirrors “Moon Song” - “There’s nothing I’d keep from you.” Oh yeah?

“But we bent and we broke and I meant what I spoke / And the blame game does not produce a winner / We went as far as we could go we had to go that far to know / That we had nowhere left to aim / And no one left to blame but / The moon’s wax and wane and the turn of the tide”

“The Moon Will Sing” - The Crane Wives

This reminds me of Laudna during the separation and immediately after, starting to question everything, seeing herself as dark. That extreme co-reliance. Clinging to each other. Is it a good thing? Laudna starting to lean back into Delilah’s burn. 

“The moon will sing a song for me / I loved you like the sun / Bore the shadows that you made / With no light of my own / I shine only with the light you gave me [...] / I want to feel the fire that you kept from me”

“Always You” - South for Winter

The rush of reunion. The high-pitched start, disbelief. Then: the warmth of returning to Your Person. Being able to rely on them. A bright spot. 

“Should the blood red tides run o’er / Should our nightmares all come true / Should we lose this holy war / I know there’ll still be you [...] Oh my love / The skies are growing colder / Oh, my love / I need you more than ever”

“Tether Me” - Galleaux

In addition to the obvious tether relation, they’re both feeling pulls in different directions: Imogen to the red dawn; Laudna to the darkness of her mind. Being tied to her limbs earns you more puppet symbolism. 

“For a moment, I was gone /  The speed of light into the red dawn / In this space, do I belong?/ It’s dark out here in my own thoughts / Pull me back out of my body / I’m tied to my limbs”

“Blood Moon” - Saint Sister

The moon sure is tempting. The pulls for both of them are getting stronger. Things are getting darker, harder, more intense. 

“And so I wonder will those scattered pits / Take root behind your cracking lips / They are always doing that [...] / The hunter’s moon was bleeding red / The night you left our thorny bed / You were always, always”

“If We Were Vampires” - Baggio & Hannah Kol

The looming sense that one of them won’t come back. As the end draws near, even if the upcoming fights don’t kill one of them, Imogen will out–age Laudna. 

“It's knowing that this can't go on forever / Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone / Maybe we'll get forty years together / But one day I'll be gone or one day you'll be gone”

“Hesitate” - The Harmaleighs

They’re hiding things from each other as the tension builds. 

“You keep saying you love me / You keep telling me you’re proud / But you don't know who I am / 'Cause you're not even living out loud”

“Soothsayer” - Haunted Like Human

Not gonna lie this is my favorite song on the entire playlist. It is peak Laudna-Delilah. I would quote the entire song if I could. It’s dark, thematically perfect, and haunting. It's also by the same artist as "Afterlife," Laudna's "death" song to reflect that link. I imagine this is late C3 as Laudna continues to feed Delilah. My favorite line: “The thing that you hate / Is the thing you've become.”

“There's a price to be paid / But ain't that every trade? / You're just looking for strength when you're weak / Oh you know there's a flickering darkness / And it sings out like sirens to you / Yea it's sickly sweet and elegantly violent / But these debts that you take / They will someday come due / Hungry hands reaching up / Crave for more, lust for blood”

“Hurricane” - Bandits on the Run

While still being them having to navigate their relationship in the midst of the impending end of the world, this song brings to light Imogen’s relationship with her mother, too. She meets her mother in the storm. 

“They told us run for cover / Stay close to home and mother / Don’t seek out any other”

“Chasing Twisters” - Delta Rae

It’s time. Make or break. 

“I was born with lighting in my heels / Sewed a spur onto my ankle / Bit a horse under the steel / And I lost hope when I was still so young [...] / I’ll take you to the grave / The only love I’ve ever known / The only soul I ever saved / And I went home”

Epilogue

At the time of writing, we’re around C3:E95, so from here on out this is even more so my reinterpretation or guesses about the future. I’m hoping to flesh out this section and the middle/end of Act 2. 

“Oh Mama” - honeyhoney

Our transition song. The cacophonous high of the last song into the unbelieving stillness of the piano, the end of a battle. The world has shifted. There’s no going back. 

“All covered in mud the day is done [...] / Oh mama look at my heart / I’m useless now that it’s dark / We’re praying for rain a thunder of change / And lightning to lighten my way”

“If She Ever Leaves Me” - The Highwomen

Alright, this one’s a little self-indulgent, even more so than the others. But don’t we deserve a little wholesome “we made it” energy? 

“I’ve loved her in secret / I’ve loved her out loud / The sky hasn’t always been blue [...] / She loves wild horses and tumbling dice”

“The Time for Flowers” - Emily Scott Robinson

The bookend and parallel to “Dandelion” from much, much earlier. This time, from Imogen’s perspective. Conclusion and continuation of flowers motif. “The skies are clear now. The moon is new.”

“I came upon a woman in a field on her knees / Singing ancient songs and sowing wildflower seeds / Tell me what the point in planting pretty things / In these days of darkness and disease [...] I have witnessed funerals and wars / Worried mothers, empty shelves, and empty stores / The storms will rage and the winds will blow / You are gonna find out that you're stronger than you know”

“Dance in the Graveyards” - Delta Rae

I always knew I was going to end the playlist with this song. It perfectly mirrors “Old Churchyard,” the first of Laudna’s songs. It's also by the same artist as the "climax" of the playlist. The drums give me Laudna, while the folksy sound gives me Imogen. Finding joy in death, in life, in love. Life will go on, new friends and old will come and go. And that’s alright. She’s happy. They’re happy. 

“When I die, I don’t wanna rest in peace / I wanna dance in joy / I wanna dance in the graveyards, the graveyards / And while I’m alive, I don’t wanna be alone / Mourning the ones who came before”

If you're listening to the playlist on a loop, you'll return to "Stories." It reminds us that it was all just a story. It will happen again. Stories and characters and people will move us, make us feel and hurt and love. It is an ending just as much as a new beginning.

[utilitycaster]

but you do have to admit that you write your 2k meta's mostly because you want (negative) attention? otherwise I don't understand why you are not writing more of your faves instead?

Sure! I can explain why I wrote this piece, which I assume is the reason you're asking this now.

I wrote it because I naturally had thoughts about the group dynamics of Bells Hells after the episode and started thinking about why this group is so disconnected this far into the campaign when, for example, the Mighty Nein, who had far more friction and conflict early on in the campaign, were positively ride or die by this point. I also really did genuinely find the degree of pressure that Imogen and Laudna have been putting on Fearne to be excessive and had been quietly thinking about it since episode 75 - they were the ones to initially make a big deal about "Emperor and Empress" (the fact that Ashton mentioned the party's positive reinforcement of the shard's retrieval being a factor in their choice is relevant here), I was reminded by someone else regarding Laudna's immediate shutdown of Fearne's attempt to tell the truth in episode 77, and then they called her out in front of everyone after she had expressed that she didn't want it to Morri. It made a clear pattern that I felt was interesting to explore, and in doing so I started asking myself if there were other patterns of behavior. I linked to someone else's post as well in there that talked about how Imogen and Laudna pretty much always act together in group discussions in my post because that was also an inspiration, and I've also talked a lot in the past about how Imogen and Laudna rarely bring up their own sources of conflict with each other, so the fact that their accusations towards Fearne are in the same scene where Imogen expresses disgust about Delilah's presence also is very relevant to their general group dynamics, since their own relationship with each other is very central to how they interact with the group.

I do write about my favorite characters as well. I wrote pretty extensively about Ashton after episode 78, as well as a bit about their conversation with Orym, but Ashton just had their big moment of explosion and I need to let that simmer or something else to happen before I have any longer posts. I've also, if not written anything myself, reblogged a lot of great posts about Chetney's fantastic reveal which I think tied up that whole exercise beautifully with a truth that was not a passive-aggressive accusation of others nor a self-flagellation but a realization of his own behaviors as well as an explanation to the group without expecting anything in return. In talking about the shard I did touch on my main feelings about Fearne in this situation but again I think I need to see how she actually reacts to the information she received here to actually have meta of substance, rather than "oh, interesting." And you can go through my archives if you'd like to see more; I'm usually pretty good about tagging by character.

But also: I like writing criticism, specifically. It is fun for me. I find that writing helps me arrange my ideas and understand them better, and sometimes I even change my opinion when I revisit the text or find my argument doesn't hold together on an intellectual level, even if I feel something emotionally. I've changed my mind about characters before through writing meta! Sometimes more positively, sometimes more negatively, but it happens, because the act of writing meta, if you do so well, is an act of interrogating your own pre-existing opinions and making sure they make sense to people who aren't you.

I also think there's value in writing things that aren't universally positive. Again, it forces you to actually think through what isn't working for you or what you dislike or what traits characters have that you think are causing problems for people around them rather than just saying UGH THIS SUCKS. But also, writing up how you'd fix a plot you don't like or how you'd resolve a conflict requires you have empathy for the creators or for the characters. Sometimes, even if a piece isn't, in your opinion, good, writing criticism of it helps you understand why a creator may have made that choice you didn't like. You can disagree or dislike something while still respecting it, and making yourself explain it to other people is a really good way to process your own feelings rather than stewing in them. I find people who never express any negativity openly are often deeply resentful and unpleasant and passive-aggressive. Indeed, that's arguably the whole point of that honesty exercise! This party keeps trying to smooth things over and so a lot of valid concerns or complaints they have about each other have since metastasized into something far more hurtful.

I can't speak for everyone, but a lot of meta writers write meta because it's genuinely a fun hobby for them. When I was writing my piece about Dimension 20's genre experiments I stayed up later than I should have several times because it was interesting and I wanted to make sure I didn't forget how I was planning out the piece. I like writing a lot, and I've always preferred to write essays and criticism to fiction - I like to think I have a knack for the former that doesn't come as naturally for the latter. My brain jumps to analysis more easily than the invention of plot.

If you don't like the things I chose to write about, that's completely valid. But I'm not doing it for negative attention. I'm doing it because it's enjoyable for me. How you respond to it and how it makes you, specifically, feel, doesn't enter into my consideration. It's 2k words because that's how long it took me to say what I was thinking and it's about Imogen and Laudna's effect on the group dynamic as I understand it because that's what I was thinking about since it was very present in this episode, and I wrote it because I like writing.

Hopefully that explains it!

[captainofthetidesbreath]

This post is way longer than I intended it to be, and for that I apologize, but: really, as far as the discourse is concerned, whether Laudna is resurrected or remains dead (and what people's interests and preferences about that are) has become totally irrelevant. It has become apparent to me that real point of contention in the discourse is: "Is it wrong to believe or suggest that permanent death can and does still happen, even to player characters, when there exists magic that can raise the dead?"

It is fascinating that some people assert that "resurrection magic exists in D&D and Exandria" naturally means "resurrection magic means that the inherent nature of death in Exandria is not permanent". It's a sentiment I've seen in multiple semi-popular posts. I've seen another post go as far as "if there is the ability to fix death, then all death is unnecessary tragedy, and it is wrong to not fix it as soon as possible". There's even some going "it's wrong to suggest that permanent death can happen to the heroes, and permanent death should never be allowed to happen to them". At least one person that I've seen believes that acknowledging that death can be permanent in Exandria suggests an unhealthy hang-up about death that needs professional help.

The existence of such magic does not actually logically lead to these. Frankly, I think some with such strong and negative emotional responses to the concept that permanent death can still occur in a world with resurrection magic need to examine why they get so, so angry when it is stated that resurrection magic does not necessarily automatically eliminate sudden, unnatural, young death. Why is it so infuriating to see other people acknowledge that permanent death canonically can and does still exist alongside this magic? (Don't come telling me about it. This is mostly rhetorical and, if one does decide to reflect, that is a private reflection I, a stranger, don't need to be involved in.)

There's a curious sentiment as well that "well, it's fantasy", asserting that the genre itself means that death does not need to ever happen. (Genuinely, I am personally hard-pressed to name a fantasy work that does not, in some way, involve permanent death, particularly fantasy written for adults.) This argument also ignores that CritRole has never been a fantasy that treats death as inherently temporary. CritRole has in fact made it possible for otherwise generally auto-succeed rituals to fail, and the lore of the world actively cautions that resurrection magic is rare, risky, and likely to fail. Every time, margin for failure increases. Performing the highest resurrection magics is held as one of the world's oldest heresies. So, that appeal to genre does not apply: Exandria considers it risky, even unwise, to mess with death.

Rhetorical question, what IS it about the sentiment of "permanent death CAN still happen in a world where resurrection magic exists" that makes some so genuinely angry that they start to believe that this statement and similar are wrong, sick, twisted, and fucked up to say. (All actual adjectives I've seen.) Some are behaving as if acknowledging that permanent death still exists in a world with resurrection magic is sacrilegious. Again, rhetorical question: WHY does the statement that resurrection magic does not make impossible permanent death instill such fury?

At this point, it is wholly irrelevant to the discourse whether Laudna remains dead or is brought back—that is entirely outside of my current personal concern here. What has been illustrated is that some are just SO incapable of handling even the theoretical idea that she MIGHT remain dead, simply because they believe that the existence of (emphatically: canonically rare and risky) resurrection magic inherently means that it is morally wrong to acknowledge player characters can permanently die. Their logic is that the existence of the magic alone automatically means that death should not be and is not allowed, thus, they interpret any acknowledgment that permanent death (canonically) can and may still happen as verboten. One is not allowed to suggest that permanent death still exists simply because resurrection magic also exists, the logic apparently being that the mere existence of such magic forbids any player character from dying permanently.

That belief that "resurrection magic === it is wrong to believe that permanent death is still possible for a protagonist" is a much more fascinating thing and much more central to the discourse than Laudna's ultimate fate—and much more concerning.

[undead-knick-knack]

Hi :)

You are one of the only people I really see on here that posts anything about ashton/laudna (and your posts always make me laugh) and I was wondering when you first started shipping the two of them?

Personally, I started to become fond of their relationship in episode 2 when Laudna first introduced Pate to the group. Ashton was so entertained and expressed his interest and how he never wanted it to end. It stood out to me that everyone else was in a way holding back (or outwardly expressing) their discomfort, with Imogen even saying that she never got used to it, even after two years of traveling together. It made me happy that Laudna had at least one person in the group who wasn't immediately put off by her creepy nature. Ashton and Laudna were already two of my favorite characters and I love their dynamic.

I also never really understood why this ship is not as popular as some of the other ships. I'm not bashing other ships at all, but the disinterest in this relationship is interesting when looking at it through the lens of someone who has been shipping them most of the time. idk it just makes sense to me.

i just love how surprisingly honest and healthy their relationship is and I just wanted to know your thoughts.

TLDR: I would love to know when you started shipping Ashton and Laudna and some of your general thoughts on their realtionship? Love the posts <3

Oh this is so sweet!! I’m glad my tomfoolery makes you laugh <3 

As for when I started shipping them, that was way back in March of this year (I rarely start shipping characters right away, hella impressed how early you were on this shit), I had enjoyed their dynamic before that but what really got me on board with them as a ship was this post by svartalfhild (which they’ve expanded on since initial posting). They did a great job articulating and consolidating everything I like about Ashton/Laudna 😊 

As for what /I/ like about them personally, that includes the whole Brick Shithouse/Breakable Bird-Boned Waif dynamic, most recently highlighted in the latest episode of Ashton (the barbarian) making sure to look out for Laudna (the squishy spellcaster) during the fight with Werewolf Chetney  I also enjoy their contrasting personalities. Ashton’s exterior is very rough but actually has a heart of gold, while Laudna is the outwardly happy-go-lucky type but has a lot of darkness hiding behind that bubbly exterior. Neither shy away from the other’s interior or exterior and I feel like they help bring their more hidden aspects out of each other for the better  They both have a similar background of “physically fucked up after traumatic experience” (I even made a meme about that lol) which I think gives them a pretty unique point of common ground  Something you talked about was how Ashton genuinely enjoys who fucking weird and out there Laudna is, with Pate being a great of that. While everyone is horrified or just put off by something Laudna created as a coping mechanism to keep herself going crazy with loneliness, Ashton thinks it’s incredible, exemplified by him getting Pate a suit and never hesitating to interact directly with Pate  And something I mentioned to a friend a couple months back was how Ashton is touch adverse (this was before we knew about his chronic pain), whereas Laudna likes to be physically close with others. Ashton only seemed to be ok with physical touch when it’s violent, ie not wanting a massage at the spa but diving head first into a fight at the Ball, so I figured Laudna being so touchy feely would be great in getting Ashton to accept positive physical touch. But then even after learning that his touch-aversion is the result of chronic pain from his Kintsugi scars, I still think Laudna could be a positive source of physical touch for him since her cold dead skin could bring some pain relief for him 

So yeah while this isn’t /everything/ I like about their relationship and dynamic (I’m not the best at right meta or articulating my thoughts like this lol), these are definitely some of the main things I love about them 😊 

I am hoping as more time passes and Ashton and Laudna have more moments together, more people will catch on to them and join in on this fun little ship, I think the lack of interest or just general awareness stems from a lot of attention being focused elsewhere   Tho by-gods am I going to annoy this fandom with my Tombstone shenanigans and maybe even pspsps a few into joining us 😁    But anyway, I’m so glad you like my shitposts (even the ridiculously cringy ones 😁) and here’s to The Punk King and Undead Goth Queen of our hearts🖤 

[helianthus-hellion]

For the ask game all of them

6. are you good at picking up on when people are flirting with you, or do you tend to be more oblivious?

30. who's your favorite sapphic character?

31. LEAST favorite sapphic character?

32. tell a funny story about something really gay you've done.do you get crushes/fall in love easily?

35. if you could tell your younger sapphic self anything, what would it be?

(as per your rec I am listening the Ninefox Gambit audiobook :3 )

i. am glad u sent the questions along with the numbers bc i do not think i have reblogged any sapphic ask games??? sounds fun tho. anyway uhh

6. oh i'm terrible at it. i miss it when people do, and then sometimes i will think someone might be flirting with me and am wrong so i just don't fucking know at all.

30. i've never been good at choosing favorites for anything ever but since u mentioned ninefox gambit i will say cheris i guess?? also a big fan of vi from arcane, laudna from critical role, and Every Dyke In Dykes To Watch Out For.

31. i'm sure there are some i don't like but i am drawing a blank rn tbh

32. that is either two questions or u forgot a number. anyway u would genuinely be better off asking @chondrichthyesrain for funny gay stories of mine but a recent gay thing that i did was when i went to get my first T shot at my doctor's office i wore a shirt from a concert i went to with my partner last fall and brought a snail shell fossil in my pocket to represent angela so it was like they were with me when i got the shot. all of the gay things i remember doing are more sappy than funny, sorry 😅

32.5 i never know how to answer this question bc i tend to have a hard time differentiating crushes from friendship? especially bc i'm polyam so i can't even use "would date this person above this other person" as a marker. i have a lot of friends i would kiss and go on dates with, and i'll see a cute stranger on the bus with a cool keychain or whatever and fall a little bit in love with them, but i feel like those things are different? i get Small Crushes quickly and easily but they're like. fleeting or not very strong. Bigger Crushes i get more rarely.

35. stop dating boys in high school just bc u feel like u wanna date someone. it's not worth it. ur taste in men is often terrible anyway.

[stardustedknuckles]

Actually I’m not done being sad about Imogen’s life growing up alone with her dad because until we’re told otherwise, I choose to believe he did his very best at the severe disadvantage of having a kid who could see every impulse parents are meant to hide. Parents resent their kids sometimes. It’s normal and not in and of itself damaging. What matters is that you never make them feel responsible for your emotions and you take the actions that are best for them, setting aside your own shit because that’s your job. They don’t need to know what you really think sometimes - often, even. You might not give a rip what new thing they’re into but you support it and them because it’s important that they be encouraged. Even when all you want to do is leave them at the store for an hour for some peace, you don’t. You figure it out, and they need never know.

Imogen’s dad never got to be that, not once her powers started. Every flash of anger brought on by the grief of having to go this alone, every time he looked at Imogen and saw her mother, every time he wished she was here because he didn’t know what to do with their daughter, every time he asked why this had to happen to her (or to him)...Imogen heard it. This raw, unfiltered blast of what it means to be a person, to think and exist and set yourself aside and make choices.

It’s easy to hear that he kept his distance even within their shared isolation and condemn him for leaving her be, but Imogen learned compassion from somewhere. Imogen seems at peace with the way things had to be even if she shouldn’t have had to be. She would have seen everything her father didn’t want her to, everything he couldn’t hide in the name of being the dad she deserved, and that means she would have seen what he wanted to be for her too. The ideals he aspired to, the life he’d wanted for her, the persistent sense of failure only even slightly mitigated by the fact of him being with her out in the middle of nowhere anyway. Imogen shouldn’t have had to see how much her dad missed people and how much he resented this curse on her (the curse, specifically, not her). She shouldn’t have been able to see how much this was ruining his life - he should have had the opportunity to hide that from her and be a good dad.

Imogen learned early and hard that love involves doing things you don’t want to for the good of the person you care about. Love must look so different to her, could you imagine? Her father brings her flowers and kisses her forehead and tries really hard to think about horses because she likes them and she deserves a simple moment of kindness. Imogen in turn tries very hard not to listen to the sense of desperation and loss beneath the gesture, the futility he’s trying to overcome for her sake. Sorrow, and sometimes she can’t be sure if it’s on her behalf or not but it’s okay, he’s here and she always feels him trying.

Imogen spends her teens internalizing what it is to be cared for despite, and then one day towards the end she meets a woman who looks at her and thinks Imogen must be the kindest person she’s ever met, someone who cares for her because, and oh - that’s something completely new. She hadn’t known that was possible, and coming to understand why Laudna would find so much value in someone who could read that her intentions match her words does nothing to diminish how soothing it is to have her as a friend. Laudna’s palms are always cool on her forehead when the headaches get bad, and she’s never wishing she didn’t have to comfort Imogen. She’s genuinely happy to be here, no obligation. She doesn’t want to leave. She’ll have to - Imogen hears that too, that Laudna is never able to stay in one place for long - but Imogen’s already decided she can’t go back from this. She can’t lose this.

So they go forth together, unused to being wanted without reservation and both determined to do whatever it takes to keep the other in her life, and they love. It’s not a love anyone else would understand - how could they? - but for once they don’t need anyone else to understand them. They’re enough for each other and more.

[utilitycaster]

I think the shallow feeling of Laudna/ Imogen also comes from how they talk too and about each other. The gnarlrock conflict felt so much more real than all the “Imogen is very competent and powerful” and “Laudna is so comforting,” there’s nooooot really anything else there? There’s no annoyance or teasing or boredom or Anything, just vague softness. And actual roommates or lovers or siblings aren’t soft and sweet all the time, so Imogen and Laudna come off as people who haven’t actually spent much time together.

So I want to talk about the Bjork song "Hyperballad". It's a great song musically which is why I originally liked it, but the premise of the song is that, within a relationship, there will be weird and messy parts of one's self that need to be expressed elsewhere, outside of that relationship, so that you can be both your entire self but also part of a couple, with the compromises that entails. Anyway, I love this song and I feel like that aspect of this relationship - either as friends or romantically - is entirely missing.

What gets me is that not only is there so little teasing or minor annoyances (and on the rare occasions we have seen them, even when it's been in less direct conflict - think Imogen being kind of impatient and annoyed at Laudna thinking her dolls birthed the gnarlrock - it's felt like a breath of air); it's that they both always automatically go to each other for everything, but won't address the darker issues, and seem to have no outlets for all of the messier aspects of themselves. It's again why Ashton calling Laudna out directly on her bullshit feels more vivid and alive than tens of conversations with Imogen in which neither is willing to risk asking any real, piercing questions. It's why the conversation in the storage room beneath Imahara Joe's is such a strong Imogen scene, because she doesn't have to spend the whole time correcting Laudna's misconceptions but instead actually has to think about and answer to whether she feels she's a hero or something to be feared.

I do keep going back to prior campaigns for comparison but I think that makes sense here. Part of why the Nein worked is that, for example, Jester and Veth became friends very quickly and were able to explore some of the sillier and more chaotic aspects of themselves there, which not only made them much more realized but also pushed Fjord and Caleb to mesh with the group more, whereas Imogen and Laudna are kind of a static island within a group that is both tied to them and also forcibly distanced from them. Or going back further, this is why the twins' respective romantic relationships (and Percy and Keyleth's friendship) make so much sense. The twins love each other deeply but there is a disconnect in what they understand about each other, and their romantic partners, respectively, do understand; but also it's valuable for, say, Vex to have someone in her life who's like "I see how you relate to Percy, and I genuinely believe you are very good for each other, but you are fucked up in the same way and you should be aware of that," just as it's valuable for Vax to have someone in his life who serves as an example of the virtues of self-preservation.

If I may: I think there's sometimes a belief in fandom that having an all-consuming relationship with nothing left outside of it is the goal, rather than a cautionary tale at best and a recipe for despair at worst. I also think there's a bizarrely prevalent belief that being openly protective of a person, in the sense of "I don't want you to get hurt because I care for you," is bad; but constantly trying to protect someone's feelings through never addressing difficult topics is good, even as it stunts their ability to grow as a person. The most obvious parallel from past campaigns I can think of is how Caleb specifically avoided telling the clerics about his past for fear of how they, Jester especially, would respond to it. And it's an understandable impulse, to want people to think the best of you; but it's also terribly difficult and sad to be around someone who thinks you have everything under control when you feel like you're drowning. I suppose from a certain point of view it's romantic to say "I love this person so much that I have to hide absolutely essential aspects of myself out of fear they won't love me back"; but in the 19th century doomed-by-the-narrative gothic romance Bronte sisters sort of way, not in a "this is a romance and they are in love and will live happily ever after" way. I want to see people who finally can be honest with each other, not people who can only engage with each others' masks.

So that's my problem; Imogen and Laudna do genuinely have potential if they can find a way to be honest with each other, but we're almost 40 episodes in and the relationship feels identical to how it did in episode 1, which is to say, recent roommates who might have crushes on each other, rather than best friends of 2 years.

[utilitycaster]

Ok I’m curious, what *are* your top like, 2 ships from each campaign? I’d love to hear more about what you feel constitutes a compelling relationship/theoretical relationship for CR

Ok I'm not sure what this is in reference to but:

Campaign 1: Percy/Vex and Keyleth/Vax

Campaign 2: truly cannot pick from among the canon ships we got so I'm going to say Fjord/Jester and Beau/Yasha just because I liked those ones the longest

Campaign 3: Currently, Chetney/Fearne and Imogen/Laudna. If this question was prompted by this post then yes, said post is in part about Imogen/Laudna, a ship that only I am correct in my feelings about. The other two ships I had in mind are not CR ships.

As for what constitutes something compelling:

In case it's not clear from my C2 answer: in actual play specifically, I will always prefer canon ships unless someone can prove beyond reasonable doubt that something fucked up happened behind the scenes. Because the character's actor is also their originator and, essentially, writer, I am not interested in the ship becoming canon if the people involved aren't all in.

For what it's worth, the (requited) romances that occur in a well-made written work will support the plot or themes of said work, and the choice to make a romance unrequited is itself a significant part of character commentary (C2 also did a fantastic job with this; the ships that were confirmed to be one-sided say a ton of interesting things about the character who had those feelings). What this all means is that if I'm explicitly shipping against canon for a finished work, it means either I don't think it's well-written, or it's a case of people being unable or unwilling to depict gay ships but providing the subtext. (On the other hand I do occasionally have 'I don't want this to be canon but it's fun to think about' and that's just like, its own separate thing, but that's relatively rare for me).

In case it's also not clear from my answers: my absolute favorite ship dynamic is people who have the same or similar flaws, who see those flaws in someone else and still love that person, and in doing so, can respect themselves; this is true on some level for all the Campaign 2 canon ships, and very much so for Perc'ahlia as well. That also means I like ships to be earned through conflict and development in the narrative; the course of true love never did run smooth. The course of really boring bad writing does often run far too smooth.

Also in actual play my rule of thumb is "do the shippers seem to genuinely like both characters involved, or is the ship patently BLORBO/uhhh whatstheirname." Obviously this isn't always true (*cough* that's one of the scenarios the post I linked is about *cough*) but like...without going into details, several of the most popular ships in C2 that didn't become canon were noticeably one-sided in whom the shippers actually cared about as a character, and who they felt should become a mostly voiceless appendage thereof, and that was a real turnoff. It's not the only reason I lost interest, because I do try to consider canon over fanon/fandom, but it definitely accelerated my loss of interest.

In terms of theoretical/not-yet-confirmed ships specifically, the main thought process is: "do all involved parties seem into it," and "can I see an interesting potential path forward with this."