#personally i rank this movie right up there with the avatar live action | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

human-enthusiast · 4 years

Text

One Piece “isms” - #1

--Episode 2/ Chapters 3 + 4

Theme: Abusive Authority

Details: When Luffy and Coby dock in a town named Shells Town, they quickly learn about their troubles with authority. The mention of Roronoa Zoro and Marine Captain Morgan’s name expels fear in the citizens for some similar reasons. Later, after meeting the Pirate Hunter tied to a post, they learn about Morgan’s tyrant ruling over people. Specifically, those that openly defy his rules and authority, treating them like inhumane scum.

Characteristics:

1. Authoritarian Leadership - (Dictatorship quality)

2. Inferiority (Superiority) Complex

3. Obsession with “treacheries”, insubordination, or lack of power over even small matters.

4. Alignment: Lawful Evil

5. Unfair imprisonment - Zoro and the existence of a Crucifixion Yard.

Very early on in the series, we have, what I would describe as a mild introduction to certain conflicts the protagonists face. Now whether or not you ever watch movies or read books centered around pirates, it’s common sense to know they are enemies to the world’s government(s).

It’s not to say pirates don’t have their own form of government or authority -- any society or civilization has one that was structured around those who first joined-- but they separated themselves from the one governed by kings/queens/emperors/ or anyone who governs with written or traditional laws.

So, if being introduced to a character, who begins his journey as a pirate, we would expect his enemy to be the Marines right off the bat.

Not so unusual. Luffy has shown to have a gray morality or chaotic neutral personality, but this isn’t well defined until way later on. He does what he wants, with a mindset that says ‘consequences be damned’. That is pretty much his motto at this point. That being said, the opposite to what Luffy’s side of the story represents would be lawful and justice.

Captain Morgan is actually the first official Marine we see in the series. By that, I mean he’s the first one actually named and given a personality to judge on. Though technically, Helmeppo would be the first to be seen, but it’s his father whose been alluded to since they arrived. Right off the bat, they both show case the worst possible outcome of authorities: power trips, abusing the system, respect is demanded, and rules are absolute.

Both the anime and manga illustrate Morgan’s delusions of control and megalomaniac personality quite well, and how Helmeppo thrives in it by hand-me-down powers.

Something to note, I just started reading the manga, but I have watched the anime for a few years now (English dub), and I’m now just starting the Dressrosa arc. While the anime is good (not perfect) at adapting from the manga, there are more intriguing details to me that do better in narrating the story (at least with the first few chapters).

Here the manga shows tax exploitations:

Some are fairly easy to miss, but the walls and metal gate show signs of poor treatment, or degradation. The anime does something similar with the gate, having more advantage with coloring:

The door used to have what I believe was a darker green color. But now it’s rusted fairly much, even a little on the hinges, and the paint for the symbols looks a little faded. Now, this may just be a way to give texture to surfaces, which is initially true and what I thought when I first watched/read the series. However, the kicker we learn is a little ways after.

It’s explained that the people are under heavy taxation to the point that it depletes a living wage for everyone. Morgan refers to the people as peasants, so he’s clearly aware of their indigent state. It would explain a little about the state of everything and how he could’ve paid for the erected statue of himself.

The red-circled speech bubbles are especially important, and I think highlight Morgan’s character. It’s my favorite detail with him. I’m not saying I like the character all around; if I ever meet someone like this, I’d probably pull a Luffy and straight take a swing at their throat/junk (although I tend to think of the consequences, so I’d more likely take a legal/other direct action if need be).

No, it’s just...characters with this kind of mindset are fun to observe and explain.

There’s another character that is like a mirror image from this Marine: Azula from Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Both are high ranking members of their society, wealthy, completely power hungry, apathetic, and fear inducing to their subjects. There are plenty of complications with Azula, but it definitely shows in her first introduction and later on in Season 3 when she has a psychological break down.

Direct conversation from Season 2 Episode 1:

[Ship Captain]: “Princess, I’m afraid the tides will not allow us to bring the ship into port before nightfall.”

[Azula]: “I’m sorry, captain, but I do not know much about the tides. Can you explain something to me?”

[Captain]: “Of course, your highness.”

[Azula]: “Do the tides command this ship?”

[Captain]: “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

[Azula]: “You said the tides would not allow us to bring the ship in. Do the tides command this ship?”

[Captain]: “No, princess.”

[Azula]: “And if I were to have you thrown overboard, would the tides think twice about smashing you against the rocky shore?”

[Captain]: “No, princess.”

[Azula]: “Well, then maybe you should worry less about the tides, who have already made up their mind about killing you, and worry more about me, who’s still mulling it over.”

I included the exchange between her, the bat-shit crazy royal, and the captain, who has better acknowledgement of the forces of nature, because it’s fairly similar to the exchange between Morgan and the marine he’s talking to about the people’s wealth. The marine and captain regard their authority’s title, and probably have similar worries over their inability to reason maturely.

Any good villain can be vindictive, selfish, and have no regard for others (a lack of empathy), but the one underlining similarity is their negligence with reality. And in order to get like that, there is a deep obsession with control.

Azula wants to disregard nature, specifically ocean tides, rather than change her course and plan. This is a frightening aspect because of her complete ignorance on the mod of reality. She wants to maintain control of her ship, and she is very much willing to sacrifice the safety of others just to feel superior.

While Morgan also wants to keep an iron fist over the citizens. He has this more monetary greed, spending it more in lavish purposes for him and his son. He’s a little more aware of the fact that the people don’t have much money, but to him, it’s no excuse to pay the taxes in full. There’s absolutely no regard for other matters in reality, that including personal finance.

The obstacles or personal matters of those “below” him fly over his head. Because what he believes to be a level of respect is absolute obedience. I almost have no doubt that if Luffy and Coby never made it to Shells Town, it may undergone an actual dictatorship like life. When the people have seemingly ran out of money, an alternative subjection-- or showcase of loyalty--probably would have been enslavement and unpaid labor. Assuming that the money Morgan and Helmeppo spend remains on the island at a high fixation.

Maybe that’s too extreme and would also have economic downfall on the Marines as well, but I wouldn’t put it pass Morgan to come up with anymore extreme ideas.

One other similarity with Azula and Morgan is the insane notion of loyalty. This mental state is compromised more with Azula during the final episodes. At that point, she is given the responsibility of being Fire Lord, and with it, comes absolute hysterics and paranoia about maintaining control over everyone. The slightest missteps from her servants enacts a banishment for them, leaving less people to remain under her control. This may have also been a product of Mei and Ty Lee’s betrayal in the Boiling Rock Part 2 episode, completely warping her sense of trust.

There isn’t much known about Morgan before he was head of the Marine Base that is explanatory of his own behavior, but he has the same obsession over the concept of loyalty and traitors. Whether the actions are from citizens or his own subordinates, there is no excuse for anyone to disobey him. Hell, he found it perfectly acceptable to kill a marine who accidently bumped a part of his statue, that probably didn’t do anything minor to it.

That being said, he has no room to let anyone ignore his orders. When the Lieutenant was ordered to kill Rika because she helped Zoro while tied up, he refused. In response, Morgan went for the kill (he’s very much alive in the anime).

He and Helmeppo also show case this behavior in ways that are actually more foreshadowing for later arcs.

In the manga:

The citizens are bowing as the brat saunters by all high and mighty. This is the earliest render of how Celestial Dragons are introduced. While maybe this isn’t necessarily required for the Marine official, it’s more of a by-product on fear-induced situations. A psychological reaction if anything.

The other foreshadowing is the distinction of what the Marines and the World Government consider justice. What is right to them means following the laws-- obedience and purity are absolute. That’s a whole other topic in of itself. But it sets up the fight that Luffy finds himself in with the Marine. Morgan thinks he’s wrong and worthless, fighting on the grounds while yelling “I am Marine Captain “Ax-Hand” Morgan!”

Names carry power. Titles govern rank and superiority. Morgan believes this should be enough to make Luffy crumble over. It’s not. This is a revelation that goes beyond what someone holds in status. And thus, making Morgan a rather incompetent leader.

It’s also rather ironic how, with their battle, it’s very black and white in terms of morality, and the side that views what’s right is on the ‘wrong’ side (pirates). Pirates aren’t lawfully good, or very empathetic. That’s usually not their objective during the Pirate Era. However, if a group of pirates fight against a base leader, and as a result, creates a more balanced, sustainable life for the citizens in the end, there is something drastically wrong with the authority system.

Morgan really sets up as one of the first Marine antagonists, and it’s done using underlining characteristics of higher powers in more tame situations. What one fight could fix within an hour or two, would take more or less years to handle further along in the Grand Line. What One Piece offers is a focus with a type of matter that resurfaces again with different opponents.

~*~*~*~*~*

#one piece #analysis #themes #manga #anime #world issues reflection

9 notes · View notes

aion-rsa · 4 years

Text

The Simpsons Season 32 Episode 11 Review: The Dad Feelings-Limited

https://ift.tt/2X8fN3N

This The Simpsons review contains spoilers.

The Simpsons Season 32 Episode 11

The Simpsons goes back to the past to make way for the future on Season 32, episode 11. “The Dad Feelings-Limited” is an origin story, revealing the sad and lonely tale of Comic Book Guy. No, it isn’t done in panel layouts, and his super strength turns out to be his greatest weakness.

Comic Book Guy, diversely voiced by Hank Azaria, is a fairly one-dimensional character. He critiques everything he sees, and has no stomach for outside criticism. He’s already got a bellyful of tacos (breakfast burritos on a workday). He doles out droll insults to children too young to understand them.

Like many of the origin stories on The Simpsons, the first order of business is to explain the particular limits of the character. Professor Frink had the Nutty Professor for a dad. Comic Book Guy’s father was Postage Stamp Fellow, played by Dan Aykroyd.

The sequence is slightly reminiscent of the Taxi episode where we meet cab driver Jim’s family. Christopher Lloyd’s presence even looms over this episode in the film parody. But the main difference is that here, it is the one dimensionality of the character which adds dimension to him. The very thing which pushed him into the comic book netherworld is the information he gleans from it, like reading a Classic Comics adaptation.

“The Dad Feelings – Limited” skips not only the couch gag, but the entire opening theme sequence, which is always an early indicator of a good episode. This means there is more meat to the story. We find ourselves in Comic Book Guy’s apartment, right above his store, where he has prepared scones for his mangaka muffin, his wife Kumiko Albertson (Jenny Yokobori).

She has fashioned his five breakfast burritos into a Voltron. They are nerds. They met in the Season 25 episode “Married to the Blob,” when she was visiting Springfield doing research about America’s saddest cities for an autobiographical manga. It was a match made in “Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con.”

They are now living what seems to be the perfect life. And for that they will pay. Their mornings are spent wandering as aimlessly as the plots of the upcoming Avatar movies. They go to Miyazaki marathons. They revel in a happy, carefree life. More than one, if you count their cosplay universes. Meanwhile, Springfield families like the Simpsons are circumnavigating the heedless waters of children’s birthday parties — intolerable, mal-nutritious events where every bouncy castle is a death trap — in the hopeful dreams of visiting parents. After a day of it, Homer and Marge need adults.

The first adult we see is Ned Flanders, and already eyes are rolling across the country, but he is dispatched in a particularly malicious maneuver, with no regrets nor even a pang of conscience. They know they’ll be forgiven. He’s in the left-handed forgiveness business. The grown-ups are gathering at Moe’s, and they’re playing games. Not even adult games, regardless of how much Moe grasps at single entendres for dirty jokes.

It’s Trivia Night at Moe’s and every question is so specialized it looks like the game is fixed. The Simpsons pair up with Kumiko and Comic Book Guy, and of course between the geeky young couple and the domesticated Simpsons, the disparate couples fill in every gap. It works not only as a contrivance, but as a gag in itself.

Kumiko gets the biggest laugh of the night. She actually commands and gets it on demand. The premise of the show is the discussion of having children, but this joke is brilliantly executed. After Kumiko spends time with baby Maggie, we can see her maternal instincts kick in. The transition is expertly muted, and there is a sweetness and innocence in the build-up. Kumiko is timid with Maggie, afraid to do anything wrong, but is brought into the child’s world completely.

We have no idea Kumiko is going to go Game of Thrones’ Dragon MILF on us, but her delivery on “impregnate me” can tumble walls. It is as hysterical as it is unexpected. Yokobori almost upstages herself in a later sequence. She commands Marge and Homer to fix a problem, calling Marge a “baby drug dealer” and Homer a “cheeseburger goblin.” To be fair, she’s really not off the mark with that one. He could put it on a resume.

Then things turn a little dramatic, what with all the discussion of bringing children into a General Mills cinematic universe starring the Hamburger Helper critter. But in the end, the “Great Resistor,” a hero Comic Guy thinks up in the heat of the moment, is able to frustrate his sexy Greenland gremlin’s deepest desires. Although I don’t for one minute believe she’s been keeping that particular fetish from him.

Hulu New Releases: January 2021

By Alec Bojalad

Culture

Link Tank: Every Spider-Man Animated Movie and Series, Ranked

By Den of Geek Staff

The discussion at the center is a new one for The Simpsons. Apu’s children came organically, although Marge’s advice also played a big part in that transition. But with Comic Book Guy, we wonder whether a person who spends his entire life dealing with children should actually deal with children. Is he prepared to heat formula when he can’t even cool Kumiko’s baby fever?

The best part of the episode is how the “right” things are set in motion for the wrong reasons. Marge pushes to uphold Springfield’s community standards, but appeals to Homer’s base side to manipulate it into action. The young, unfettered couple can sleep in. They don’t have to lug car seats on airplanes. Even their cosplay sex is good. They can do it anywhere, on a kitchen or bathroom floor, on a new microwave popping popcorn. It is a Simpsons twist to have Homer vow to do “anything to destroy their paradise.” The concept gets two “fehs” for emphasis.

At least Homer and Marge get to “see how the other half dies” in a model crypt. The bit about comparing decomposing in adjoining coffins to “snuggling for eternity” is very goth, and the “Til death, do each other” line is poetry. Bart, however, gets credit for the best couplet of the evening: “Our parents are undead, our dad will eat your head.” Being Mrs. Dracula is all fun and games until you get trapped in a crate full of smooth jazz.

The segment pokes fun at the generational divide. Bart and Lisa put away their cell phones to watch the cemetery showing of “Forward to the Past.” Comic Book Guy points out that a movie screen is “unswipable.” This is also where we see the weakness-as-strength in Comic Book Guy. He realizes he can experience a movie he’s seen a million times for the first time again through the eyes of children, He also realizes “little ones love useless knowledge.” This is the one scenario where his superpowers actually come in handy. It is also his kryptonite.

“Living with your folks, the beginning of the end,” Groucho Marx said in Animal Crackers (1930). “Drab, dead yesterdays shutting out beautiful tomorrows. Hideous, stumbling footsteps creaking along the misty corridors of time.” Kumiko calls it a place where there is no hope, and Comic Book Guy finds it’s also a place where his sheets haven’t been changed.

Aykroyd throws just enough SNL-consumer-probed-toy-manufacturer-Irwin-Mainway-intrigue into his introduction as Postage Stamp Fellow to pepper it with Ghostbusters suspense. One written gag which works very well is when a crawl explains that a philatelist is a person who specializes in philately. Comic Book Guy comes from a long line of collectible-collectors, from cruel bird houses to antique cricket cages. The house he grew up in displayed everything but love. The sequence also contains a very Rocky and Bullwinkle moment where the narrator, Bob Balaban, breaks the second wall by arguing with a character.

That’s not the only curveball in the episode. We learn Comic Book Guy tried to pitch at his school baseball team and had one devastating specialty throw. It’s what separates the men from the boys and ultimately the villains from the jugheads. The minor trauma of his “worst day ever” is basically a misunderstanding based on the expectation of a disappointment so great even “the left hand of god,” Hall of Fame pitcher Sandy Koufax, could only walk it home.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

The Simpsons season 32 has been a standout because it is moving forward into new territory while updating the attitudes of their early seasons. The series is no longer as sloppy as it used to be but they are still putting the Springfield community under a microscope, and looking at the microscope through a telescope. It is as subversive as it has even been, but buries the subterfuge in plain sight, whether it’s well-lit or not.

The “Radioactive Man Re-rises” poster which frames Comic Book Guy and Kumiko as they mingle to create the “interracial nerds in the future” is a subtle double entendre in a pro-family themed entry; Bart and Lisa have to be bribed to act like desirable youngsters. “The Dad Feelings-Limited” is a very warm installment of the series, but it’s got a devious heart. What makes it so funny is how good it looks worn on their sleeve.

The post The Simpsons Season 32 Episode 11 Review: The Dad Feelings-Limited appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3rOvKdA

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

0 notes

shoriignis-blog · 7 years

Text

HEADCANONS

tagged by: honestly no one i just found this & wanted to do it. tagging: also no one. if you want to do this. do it && tag me.

fave/least faves;

music genre: bakugou is really into angry emo/rock music. but also classical. his least favorite is probably country.

movie genre: acTION. he also enjoys crime dramas, &&& just straight dramas. he likes sci-fi/geeky movies as well. his least favorite movies are suspense/thrillers because he can never get invested in them.

tv shows: since i can’t really point to a specific tv show, i think i’ll just do examples? he would like serious crime shows, like law & order sort of deal, he lowkey would like cartoons like teen titans. he hates sitcoms.

movies: again, i’ll just give vague examples. since different world && all that. movies like fight club, kingsmen, star wars, predator, the dark knight trilogy are all ones he would like. &&& he’d hate movies like “hush” or “split.”

artists (singers & painters etc): bands like three days grace, fallout boy, red jumpsuit apparatus are things he’d be into. but in the classical sphere he really likes yiruma, this playlist probably saved his life, && he would have a lowkey crush on lindsey stirling.

youtuber (optional if they don’t watch youtube): i don’t think bakugou would be invested enough in youtube to have people he was really a fan of or really disliked. but other than music he would like montages of people getting injured doing dumb shit.

singles/tracks/album’s: again, this playlist he loves.

foods: bakugou fucking loves spicy food. but whenever he eats it he has to be extra careful not to blow anything up since he sweats so much. he doesn’t like junk food.

drinks: honestly he drinks a lot of Gatorade type sports drinks, water, &&& things like that. he’s really not a fan of sodas - or anything carbonated.

personality stuff;

the archetypes (quiz): 39% athlete, 33% advocate, 28% rebel.

game of thrones/a song of ice and fire house/rank type: i imagine his family would be on the noble side, but rather than having inherited it through generations they’ve earned it through knighthoods. katsuki would definitely be far more interested in being an active knight than the lord of some castle.

living stuff;

where do they live - explain on why they live there - or we’re the forcibly thrown there? What does it look like, how many rooms - any curtains? etc etc: he lives with his family, in an apartment building ( even though they could afford a bigger place - his mother insists on not having more than they need ) there are three bedrooms, a kitchen, a living room & four little closets. they don’t have any curtains - but bakugou’s mother has pinned up a sheet over her window because no @ the sun.

do they have neighbours (you don’t have to go supper deep into it but you can if you want - heck don’t listen to me it’s your fucking character.): lmao you mean “deku”

we have the standard vices (drink/drugs/smokes); what do they eat - are they vegetarian, vegan - lactose/gluten intolerent: katsuki wouldn’t touch alcohol, drugs or cigarettes honestly. he really values his body. like he knows he has to be in the best shape possible to be the best hero. so his diet also follows that - he doesn’t eat anything genuinely unhealthy.

do they exercise? how often? how dedicated are they to it: bakugou works out a lot. not only just in school - which is mandatory, but also on his own time. he runs a few miles every sunday, he does cardio in his room, he has a punching bag in his family’s storage unit that he visits on sundays as well & spends at least three hours kickboxing with it. decidedly not using his quirk.

cleaning routine. do they clean? do they clean once a month, does someone clean for them? can they clean - like have they been taught the standards of cleaning or are they a germaphobe: bakugou cleans a lot actually. his room at least. you might expect it to be a little torn apart - but it’s actually pretty organized. having his space neat gives him a nice feeling that helps him calm down.

accessory stuff;

do they have a phone? if so what colour is it in? Does it have a case - what kind? do they have a ring tone or is it always on vibrate/silent? What is the ringtone (default, some david guetta song etc: yes he has a phone. it’s black. his case is black, but with a orange gradient. it’s almost always on vibrate though because his mom is almost constantly messaging him about whatever nonsense. he doesn’t have a song for a ringtone - just the default one.

what does their key chain look like - do they lock their front/back/side door? how many keys do they have? do they have charms or old pet name tags: his keychain is basic as hell. it’s literally just a silver ring with 5 keys. one to his house, one to his bike lock ( not that he rides his bike all that often tbh ), one that unlocks his families storage unit, one that unlocks his dads office & one that opens this little vault he has in his room that holds his Most Precious Things.

do they paint their nails? which ones (ie their toe nails or finger nails)? what colour(s): matte holo, nail art, one colour, top coat & base coat, only top coat, ONLY base coat: he doesn’t paint his own nails no, but honestly i don’t think he’d be against having someone else paint his nails.

way too close for comfort stuff;

what do they smell like - do they shower often? do they LOAD the perfume/cologne on? if so what does it smell like - or is it a bunch of smells from birthday/christmas presents: bakugou smells like nitroglycerin. literally. because he sweats it. like he tries really hard to cover it because no one wants to smell like a chemical so he ends up smelling pretty “clean” because he uses all kinds of odorless soaps & such to cover it. bakugou has to shower really often ( like two times a day - minimum ) because otherwise he becomes a legit safety hazard. because of, as discussed, he sweats nitroglycerin.

what kind of laundry detergent do they use? i am stealing a headcanon from this fanfiction && saying that he has to use a custom detergent to avoid blowing up washing machines with his clothes.

do they ‘five-finger discount’ everything (steal shit), or is it just the ‘small’ stuff: bakugou literally wouldn’t shoplift anything. ever.

family stuff;

how did their family upbringing affect them? were they orphans? were they spoiled? I have a lot of headcanons on this so i’ll direct you to my headcanon tag.

do they even like their family? headcanon tag.

friends stuff;

are they a friend hoarder? do they have 1-5 really good ones; or 1,200 fb friends: bakugou has, if he’s telling you himself one friend. in reality he’s probably got five people he likes well enough to actually want to be around them. but he’s really such an idiot when it comes to friends tbh.

what do they look for in a friend? a listener or a talker: i think it’s more just that he needs friends who can deal with his dramatic monologues without taking them too seriously, but don’t expect him to do much in way of conversation otherwise.

relationship stuff;

what do they look for in a relationship? boy isn’t looking for a relationship right now. he’s focused on becoming a pro hero. but if he were to get into a relationship it’d have to be with someone who respected that his hero dreams are his first priority & someone who understood him well enough that they could deal with his personality without trying to change it. other things too, but those are the big ones.

how old were they when they had their first kiss, what happened? katsuki was seven-years-old & a girl pretty much jumped out up out of nowhere during recess smacked her lips against his && ran away. he was so shocked he kinda just stood there for a while. he never told anyone about it.

how many relationships have they had? why didn’t they last? lmao he’s never been in a relationship in his life.

are they straight, bi, gay? something else? he’s bisexual. but hasn’t really had the time/energy/interest in sitting down & doing any soul searching. he just knows that girls can be really fucking hot but so can guys.

are they poly? or mono? bakugou would have to be monogamous. he’s way too fucking possessive to share. however i can see him being okay with a closed relationship with two other people? as long as they were all together exclusively.

pet stuff;

do they have a pet? are they allergic to any animal? do they LOVE cats or hate them with a fiery passion - or are they just fucking cats: he doesn’t have a pet, because his dad #cannot with animals. but he’s not allergic to any of them & he fucking LOVES cats but he won’t admit it if asked.

are they dressed up super cute? katsuki wouldn’t dress any pet up tbh.

do they WANT a pet really badly but *insert relationship here* is allergic, hates animals etc? baku would like to get a cat but as said above, his dad just can’t with them.

social media stuff;

do they have… if so what is there… AND (since it applies to all of them) what’s their avatar? if they don’t have these in their world what would they be if your character could have them.

facebook [user name], [## friend count], [any family members on the sidebar], [their about] : bakugou katsuki. 403 friends. his header image is an old family photo. his profile picture is him flipping of the camera & his about says, “if you don’t know who the fuck I am, why are you here?”

instagram [user name], [## following], [## followers], [## posts]: explosioncrowned. avatar is of him in a beanie. he’s following five hundred blogs, but has four hundred thousand followers because so many people love his posts tbh of which he has 2k of. he’s had his instragram for a little under a month & absolutely brags about his follower count.

skype [user name], [## contacts], [description]: his skype username is just bakuplosion, he’s got 2 ( two ) contacts && no description. he exclusively uses skype to talk to his dad when he travels for work &&& his mom when she goes with him.

tumblr [url], [## followers], [## following], [## mutuals], [## posts], fancy theme they made, fancy theme someone else made, OR tumblr default: honestly i don’t think baku would have a tumblr. he doesn’t care enough to maintain one.

twitter [user name], [## followers], [## following], [## mutuals], [## posts]: explosioncrowned is his username again & once again he’s got a pretty significant following with 350k. he follows about 50 other people, 46 of which are mutuals. the other four are his #favorite celebrities.

snapchat [user name], [## contacts], [## stories]: again, I don’t think he’d have a snapchat. it’s just not his thing.

youtube [user name], [## subscribers], [## subscriptions], [## videos] - extra; are they a vlogger, gamer, musician, cover artist etc. he has a youtube account that’s literally just linked to his email. he only uses it for music && to watch montages of people failing at things.

pinterest [user name], [## boards], [## following], [## followers]: while bakugou wouldn’t have his own pinterest - I have a pinterest for him so check it out.

deviantart [uses name], [## watching ], [## watchers], [## submissions], [## favourites] - extra; do they sort anything?: yeah he definitely doesn’t have one of these. baku baby sucks at art.

#✶ || letting this fire inside simmer down ( queue )#✖ || headcanons

2 notes · View notes

jacobtmcelroy-blog · 7 years

Text

Batman the Animated Series: ALL Episodes Ranked

Over my lifetime, I have seen many live action and animated television programs. Out of all of those, I have never watched a show I have as much adoration for as Batman: The Animated Series. The series premiered in 1992 and could have been a cheap cash-in on the success of the first two Tim Burton movies. However, thanks to the storytelling skills of Bruce Timm, Kevin Altieri, and many others, Batman TAS was a massive success. The show was dark, mature, but still great for children and adults alike. Two episodes even won Emmy’s. So, I recently re-watched the series and decided I am going to take on the brave task of ranking every episode. Because there are so few purely bad episodes of Batman TAS, choosing the top groups was incredibly difficult. However, I did my best to complete the tall task and my hard work lies below.

The Dreadful, Horrible Tier

As I previously stated, there are very few bad episodes of the BTAS. Very, very few. However, those select few are pretty atrocious. Basically, this is the “what this show could have been with lazier, cheaper writers tier”.

102. Showdown

This episode has absolutely nothing to do with Batman. That is all. Let’s continue.

101. I’ve Got Batman in My Basement

Batman: The Phantom Menace. Seriously, these kids were as bad as Jake Lloyd Anakin.

100. Tyger, Tyger

Who thought turning Catwoman into an actual cat was a good idea? It definitely was not.

99. Love is a Croc

Odd pairing couple strategy just ended up being... odd.

98. Cat Scratch Fever

Man, Catwoman had some bad episodes. This awkward commentary on animal testing was one of them.

97. The Demon Within

This just feels nothing like a Batman episode. The evil kid is really annoying too.

96. Critters

Joel Schumacher takes over the helm of this hilariously bad episode... at least it seems like.

Of Lower Quality Than Others Tier

While not horrible and a disgrace to existence like the prior episodes listed... these are not too great either. They are at least watchable. Usually these are either uninteresting, laughably entertaining, or just REALLY mediocre. At least there’s no “I’ve Got Batman in My Basement” here.

95. Prophecy of Doom

Batman versus... Miss Cleo, the fraud psychic from the 90′s! It’s about as interesting as it sounds honestly.

94. The Underdwellers

Hey Arnold’s Sewer King episode was much more interesting. Not much else to say honestly.

93. Terrible Trio

Talk about appropriate title names. The plot isn’t terrible, but the villains certainly are. One of the show creators called this the worst episode of the DCAU.

92. Make’em Laugh

See? Even the Joker can have a bad episode.

91. Blind as a Bat

“ALFRED, I CAN’T SEE!!!” Possibly the worst delivery from Kevin Conroy for one of the most melodramatic lines of the series. The Penguin has another flop here.

90. The Cape and Cowl Conspiracy

The poor man’s Riddler takes on Batman in this underachieving episode that actually could have been interesting.

89. The Forgotten

Cool Hand Batman! If the villain wasn’t a joke, maybe I would not forget this episode as much.

88. Moon of the Wolf

Entertainingly stupid, but also stupid. Why would “advanced werewolf-ism” cure werewolf-ism?!

87. Sideshow

A bit of a controversial placement on this list, but I just don’t think Killer Croc is a sympathetic villain. He is pretty much a pure evil character. Just my opinion.

Jason Bourne Amnesia Tier..../Forgettable

We have escaped the very worst of what BTAS had to offer. The problem is there are so many good episodes of the series that some fall through the cracks. Oh, and there are also some mediocre episodes in this tier too. Especially, forgettable sequels to really good first episodes.

86. TIme Out of Joint

Basically, this is one of those. A disappointing sequel to a stellar introductory episode to the Clock King. This one also has too much of the Saturday Morning cartoon feel to it.

85. Animal Act

Mad Hatter definitely had some good episodes in this series.This one was not one of them. The writers tried to institute Dick’s circus past into this episode, but they just don’t do it very well.

84. Cold Comfort

Essentially, this is the Saturday Morning cartoon Mr. Freeze episode. Both of his other episodes were mature, dark, and tautly written. This one is not terrible, but it is just really disappointing based on his prior two.

83. Be a Clown

This episode isn’t near as bad as I remembered it to be and it actually has a nice lesson for kids and parents. However, there are some really stupid parts. Why did Bruce, Mayor Hill, Gordon, or anyone else not recognize the Joker in disguise... AS A CLOWN?! He even puts a bomb with a Joker face on the cake. Oh, and the kid is kind of annoying.

82. Fear of Victory

This is not a terrible episode either, but it feels a lot more juvenile than most episodes in the series. Comparing this to the other Scarecrow episodes makes that more obvious. Pretty forgettable too.

81. Bane

Bane’s sole appearance on his own in this series is fairly mediocre honestly. His fight with Batman is good, but Bane’s representation in this series is sort of laughable. His lines and character are ridiculously over the top and almost cringe-worthy at times. Also, Robin is a joke this episode.

80. Torch Song

I have always thought Firefly was an underrated Batman villain, but his iteration here leaves a lot to be desired. His burning the city plot is kind of cliche and the girl he is stalking is really unlikable. However, the ending has a nice “burning” feeling to it. (*facepalm*) One of the better of the series actually.

79. A Bullet for Bullock

I wish this was a more memorable episode based on the fun but complicated relationship between Batman and Bullock. However, the abrupt and awkward ending drops this episode’s quality significantly.

78. The Lion and the Unicorn

Looking into Alfred’s past and making him more involved was a good idea, but bringing back such a mediocre villain like Red Claw sure was not. Her accent is just as awful as it was the first time.

77. Fire from Olympus

Fire from Olympus is entertaining, but Maxie Zeus and his plot is honestly too cartoony and goofy for a cartoon with the tonality of BTAS.

76. It’s Never Too Late

This is not a bad episode by any means, but I forget it exists most of the time. Enough said.

75. P.O.V.

Remember what I said for the last one? Same case here.

74. Girls’ Night Out

Despite Supergirl’s appearance, Girls’ Night Out is by far the least memorable of the Harley/Ivy team up episodes. The dynamic between Supergirl and Batgirl is fun at times though.

Flawed... But Still Entertaining Tier

This next group of episodes is a decent step up from the last section due to them being a little less forgettable or at least trying a new concept, even if it does not fully work. Still, once again, these are where we are starting to venture into the decent category. (very good for most other shows...)

73. Chemistry

This episode had an interesting and much higher usagee of Bruce Wayne, which helped its cause. However, the plot feels way too similar to the superior “House and Garden” episode from the second season making it a retread.

72. Night of the Ninja

Kyodai Ken brings in elements from Bruce’s past, which I always like when the series does. However, his plot and overall character, in this episode, are just kind of boring and cliched. His fight with Bruce near the end (with a nice touch as Summer is covered by a curtain) was pretty solid.

71. The Worry Men

The Worry Men is fun and is full of fan service at the end, but its twist is just a little too predictable for my liking.

70. What is Reality?

The Riddler’s back... and he either watched Spy Kids 3, Tron, or Sword Art Online while he was gone! The use of virtual reality really has not aged well in this episode... at all. Still, it’s at least fun even if parts only sort of make sense.

69. Mad as a Hatter

Oh ho ho, another controversial placement. While almost all the established origin stories are good in this show, I have always felt this one pales in comparison with the others. Not saying it is bad, but Hatter’s first episode’s plot does not pop out to me as much as others.

68. Sins of the Father

Tim Drake’s origin episode should have been a lot better than this. The death of his father did not leave him with a single tear, which took out all the needed emotion in this episode away. Compare that to the masterful Robin’s Reckoning. Dick’s reaction after leaving the circus for the first time carried more emotion than this entire episode combined. Still, at least it is entertaining.

67. Off Balance

Off Balance is thoroughly entertaining and introduces us to Talia and briefly Ra’as. However, it just does not stand on its own well. It’s well... off balance. (Da dum tis)

66. Eternal Youth

The sight of Poison Ivy’s end plan is pretty horrifying. Alfred and a lady friend are a bigger part in this episode, which is also a nice touch. The part that bothers me is not a single person recognizes Poison Ivy’s Clark Kent disguise. She should have had a lot of media coverage after trying to kill Harvey Dent, right?

65. The Cat and the Claw

Catwoman just could not stop from being paired with either bad villains or bad villain plots, could she? The parts that focus on her and her relationship with Batman in this episode were great as most would expect. However, Red Claw and her atrociously fake accent is such a boring villain that it takes away from the rest of the episode.

64. Avatar

Batman: Raiders of the Lost Egyptian Tomb. This is sort of an out there episode for Batman TAS, but admittedly it is pretty entertaining. Bruce, Talia, and Ra’as have such an interesting relationship that it makes any episode with all three of them in it at least fun. Once again though, this just does not feel much like a Batman episode.

63. Cult of the Cat

I really do not like the re-designed Catwoman suit in the later seasons of the series. I had to say it. Besides that, Cult of the Cat is a fun Catwoman episode that lets her be slightly more evil than normal. The action is high octane and kickass here too. However, the villains are kind of stock and bland making this episode not stick out as much as it should.

62. The Last Laugh

“You Killed Captain Clown!”. What a wonderful line and moment of the series. Besides that, line nothing really stick out from the pack of great Joker episodes in BTAS. The plot is okay, but forgettable.

61. Lock-Up

This episode never reaches the heights that it should given timing of it to all of those villain reform episodes. It is entertaining, a little silly (Bruce’s smoke suitcase he borrowed from Clark Kent, I guess), but cannot land the Shoryuken it sets up before the time skip. However, the ending is brilliant and one of the best in the series.

Now These Episodes Are Good Tier

Now, this is what I was talking about. From here on out, I can say every episode it at least in the good category and would be really good for most other shows. Are episodes in this tier masterpieces? No, but while they would not be the first I would recommend, watching these will at least entertain and leave most viewers feeling mostly satisfied.

60. Paging the Crime Doctor

The creators of the show dub this episode as “the geezer episode”. Despite this moniker, the storytelling under the hood is both suspenseful and gives a different feel than many other episodes of the series. The only real downside is we never the see “The Crime Doctor” again in the series, which is a shame because he is an interesting character. It makes the episode lose some of its punch because of it.

59. Holiday Knights

While not groundbreaking, Holiday Knights is a really fun episode. In fact, it is the only anthology episode in the series, which gives it a different vibe. Of the three stories, the best one I believe is the Harley/Ivy going with Bruce on a shopping spree story. The following two are not quite as strong, but fun episode all and all.

58. Heart of Steel

Holy invasion of the body snatchers Batman! The fact this is a two part episode feels a bit odd to me, but it is entertaining despite it being way over the top. Building up Barbara’s character and her relationship with Bruce was a nice touch here.

57. Day of the Samurai

Batman meets anime. The Big O? Not quite, but we will get to that later. Day of the Samurai is a much better Kyodai Ken episode than his prior appearance, but still feels a little out of place. However, the setting and classic samurai style to the story makes Day of the Samurai an entertaining watch.

56. Zatanna

Zatanna is one of my favorite DC heroines, and her appearance here came out of nowhere for me. While the plot and Batman/Zatanna team-up is really fun, the villain is kind of average and forgettable. The flashbacks in this episode were particularly strong on another note.

55. Christmas with the Joker

“Jingle Bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg!”. Christmas with the Joker sure is not deep, but it is still a fun Christmas episode that I watch every year during the Christmas season. The only aspect of the episode that bothers me is that the ending is incredibly similar to The Last Laugh. Still though, nice Christmas episode.

54. Mean Seasons

When an episode like Mean Seasons only finishes mid-pack, you know you have a good show on your hands. Mean Seasons is a clever narrative on age and beauty standards in modern times in the entertainment industry. It stands up really well. However, for some reason or another I still forget about it when I do my watchthroughs of the show.

53. Appointment in Crime Alley

Roland Daggett appears in episodes all over the board in quality it seems like. While Appointment is not his best episode, it is definitely solid. The ending is another one of the best ones in the series. Once again, not much terribly wrong here, I just tend to forget about it.

52. The Mechanic

The Mechanic is a highly underappreciated episode of the show. I usually find it ranked in the bottom ten to twenty in most lists that I see. Unlike most, I think the Mechanic has great action and a nice, different twist on the origin of the batmobile and its creator, which one never really thinks about. Plus, the duck scene is one of Penguin’s most menacing of the series. Is it deep? No. Is it fun? Yes.

51. Batgirl Returns

Of all the characters who received great iterations in BTAS, one of the more underrated ones was Batgirl/Barbara. Her character is extremely likable. Combine her and Catwoman (plus a disapproving Robin) and you get a fun episode. This episode fades in comparison to her premiere episode, but this one is pretty good too.

50. On Leather Wings

The first produced episode of Batman is definitely a good one. In a rare occasion for this show, I believe the sequel to this episode is superior. However, that does not mean On Leather Wings is a bad episode. The action is great and it is a good early Batman against Bullock episode.

49. Baby Doll

Well, here comes another controversial placement. I do definitely think Baby-Doll is an emotional, zany episode with a solid ending, but it just feels too zany and unbelievable at times. Despite that opinion, Baby Doll is one of the more interesting original villains introduced in this show. She’s certainly a lot better here than in “Love is a Croc”.

48. Second Chance

While The Riddler will always be my favorite Batman villain, I personally believe Two-Face was the best and most consistently written villain in this series. All of the episodes based around him are good, but that also means some fade into the mix. Second Chance is one of those due to Judgment Day using a similar twist in a little better way. That is not to say Second Chance is not good. Because it definitely is.

47. Beware the Creeper

Woah, what a zany, fun episode. This could also be one of the most risque in the series too, especially due to the very seductive, and hilarious, Harley Quinn inside the pie mix dance for her and the Joker’s anniversary. The Creeper himself is a crazier version of the Joker, created in the same way the Joker was in the 1989 film. I did not think a crazier version of the Joker was possible, but alas here he is. While I do not think this episode reaches quite the heights it could, the Joker screaming in fear to get away from the “crazy guy” is never not funny.

These Are Really Good Tier

Well, you read the tier name. Let’s continue.

46. The Strange Secret of Bruce Wayne

Now, this is what I am talking about. An interesting plot, a great early series supervillain team up, and a hilarious twist make Dr. Strange’s lone appearance on BTAS a good one. My only real complaint is Bruce makes some uncharacteristically stupid decisions in this episode that propels the plot into motion.

45. Vendetta

Killer Croc has never been amongst my favorite Batman villains, but this tautly written episode makes the best use of (solo) Croc in the series. Besides Croc’s appearance here, the Batman/Bullock relationship is explored and is made a central focus of this episode. As one may expect, I like that.

44. You Scratch My Back

As previously stated, Catwoman had some real duds in this series. However, her later appearances tended to be solid. Teaming Catwoman up with a rebellious and somewhat angsty Nightwing was a smart move by the writers here. While I saw the twist of the episode coming, it was still really entertaining and made for one of Selina’s best episodes of the series.

43. The Ultimate Thrill

So... this could be one of the racier episodes of non-adult cartoons I have seen. Roxy Rocket mounts a rocket for a large portion of the episode, gets off due to Batman chasing her, and is half-dressed a large amount of time. I can understand why this episode was skipped when it aired later on. Besides what I mentioned, The Ultimate Thrill is a really solid episode with really nice action setpieces. It all feels a little... strange, but still a good episode.

42. Legends of the Dark Knight

Episodes like this one with so many in jokes only comic book fans would understand are wonderful. The kids’ throwbacks to the 60′s campy Batman and the gritty Frank Miller Dark Knight Returns Batman are spot on. I also love the jab at Joel Schumacher with the kid named Joel’s ridiculous description of what he thinks Batman is like. It’s hilarious. The only real uninteresting part of this episode is the frame story.

41. Riddler’s Reform

Of all of the season 2 redemption episodes, Riddler’s falls into the upper tier. Yeah, a couple we will talk about soon are definitely better, but Nygma’s reform path is a good one. I like how Ed actually sort of wants to reform in this episode but is just to obsessed with riddling Batman and Robin to actually reform. Oh, and the ending is executed really, really well.

40. Read My Lips

I have always found the Ventriloquist to be an underrated Batman villain despite how silly he is in premise. The writers of the animated series always utilized the character’s multiple personality syndrome really well and in the most realistic way possible. As one may guess, the character’s premiere episode was really good. However, (unpopular opinion) I think some of his later episodes are a nice step up.

39. Joker’s Favor

How does the average Gotham citizen view the Joker? Well, similarly to how most of us would view a homicidal maniac it ends up. Joker’s relentless torture of an average guy is an interesting idea for an episode that is well executed throughout. Another plus is this episode created Harley Quinn. So, there’s that. Oh, by the way, that makeshift bat signal would not have worked if Bruce was 100 feet further ahead.

38. Nothing to Fear

Besides one misstep of an episode, Scarecrow is another villain with a tremendous track record in BTAS. His premiere episode is a great introduction to the character and slowly introduces who the character actually is and why his motives are what they are. Crane’s later episodes are mostly improvements, so we will talk more about those soon.

37. Shadow of the Bat

As I said earlier, Batgirl’s representation in this series is well done. The way the writers introduced Barbara first similarly to the way the writers introduced Harvey Dent and Two-Face gave viewers a basis for the character early. As most two part episodes in this series, Shadow is great. The slow burn of Batgirl being looked at as a joke to a somewhat reliable ally for Batman and Robin is written well.

36. Deep Freeze

Backing up Heart of Ice was an almost impossible task. While Deep Freeze is a lesser episode in comparison to the aforementioned masterpiece, Deep Freeze is a terrific Mr. Freeze episode... even though it inspired the plot of Batman and Robin. Despite that, the emotion is still here and Mr. Freeze’s voice is still kick-ass.

35. Mudslide

Similarly to Deep Freeze, Mudslide is a small step down from its predecessor, but Feat of Clay was one of the best of the series. So, take that as it is. Mudslide continues the tragic downfall of the drug addict Matt Hagan and his yearning to become fully human again. This episode does a stellar job at showing showing what desperation can do to those most in need of a cure to their ails.

34. Birds of a Feather

The Penguin had a few major clunkers in this series, but Birds of a Feather is far from that. In fact, it is another one of the best attempts at reform episode in the series. In fact, I was halfway cheering for Penguin during the course of the episode because of his sincere effort. The ending is both tragic and fitting for character like Oswald despite this.

33. Harley’s Holiday

If one would like to watch one of the funniest episodes of Batman, look no further than here. Parts of Harley’s Holiday are hysterical. One scene (at about 1:30 here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J064TI8WDKo) where Harley recognizes Bruce’s chin and identifies him as Bruce Wayne rather than Batman is brilliant. In fact, all of Harley’s interactions with Bats in this episode are. A certain other comedic Joker episode beats this one out, but Harley shines here big time.

32. Joker’s Millions

Remember that Joker episode I mentioned one episode ago? Well here it is. Joker’s Millions is probably the funniest episode of the series. The fake Harley Quinn and tryouts to be the new Harley Quinn are possibly one of the funniest scenes of the series. (another certain Joker scene takes the cake though...). I found the twist a little predictable, but this episode is perfect if you want some Batman action and laughs at the same time.

31. House and Garden

Of the reform episodes of the series, this is probably my second favorite overall. Poison Ivy somehow becomes sympathetic and really disturbing in the same episode with a perfect mix. Without revealing spoilers, the twist is revealed in an effective, slow-burning manner. Just give this one a watch. You will not regret it.

30. See No Evil

If I had to rank the most underrated or overlooked episodes of BTAS, See No Evil would easily make the cut on that list. Why is this exactly? Mainly, this episode is genuinely really, really creepy. A man with an invisible suit could have been a lame and cliched cartoon villain, but like with many other things, Batman did it right. The episode has some stellar dialogue, action, and a surprisingly funny moment in it. Oh, and Batman has one of his coolest lines of the series near the end.

29. Never Fear

Never Fear, one of the Scarecrow’s best episodes, dares to answer the question: what would Batman be like if he killed people? Never Fear uses the opposite formula (literally in a way) than the rest of the Scarecrow episodes as his fear toxin in this episode gives the unlucky victim no fear rather than all the fear in the world. Its effect on Batman alone makes this a fantastic episode. The guy takes out alligators with his bare hands in this episode for God’s sake.

28. Harley and Ivy

A Harley Quinn/Poison Ivy team-up episode did not have to work, but fortunately for everyone, it did. This is one of the first episodes to show what Harley could do without the guidance of her “Puddin’”, and the added new element to her character improved it even more. Poison Ivy is fantastic here as well in the mentor role to criminal noob Harley. Oh, the Joker’s material here is as good always too.

27. Dreams in Darkness

The best Scarecrow episodes are the ones that ask the most questions. Here, what if Batman was insane? Dreams in Darkness is my favorite of the many great Scarecrow episodes due to the challenge of Batman facing off against his sanity, (something he also does in a certain Mad Hatter episode...) which is something we do not see that often. The narrative all the way up to the ending with giant versions of his rogues gallery makes Darkness ultimately satisfying.

26. His Silicon Soul

I love many things about His Silicon Soul. First, the animation was done by Sunrise, the animator for Cowboy Bebop, Outlaw Star, Gundam Wing, and The Big O. In fact, this episode was the single biggest influence on Sunrise on The Big O’s creation. That anime was essentially BTAS in look, characters, and tone. Good show. Another discussion for another time though. Back to the episode, this use of HARDAC was much better than the first time. Creating another Batman and sticking him in Gotham was more clever and deeper than the prior two-parter combined. The ending is also a work of art.

The Elite

During the NCAA basketball season, the polls and pundits keep a Top 25 list of the best 25 teams in the sport at the time. These teams are powerhouses, the best of the bunch, and not surpassed by any others. Same can be said here. Out of all the wonderful episodes of BTAS, these are almost the best of the best.

25. Pretty Poison

While I have made many obvious and repetitive statements while making this list, I will say again Batman did a fantastic job of establishing its villains before they became villains. Pretty Poison establishes Harvey Dent as one of Bruce’s best friends before ongoing his transformation, and it pays dividends later on. As for this episode itself, Poison Ivy is established early as one of the most dangerous re-occurring villains of the show. She is seductive, tough, and clever all at the same time. Her plot in this episode is simple yet suspenseful due to tight writing. Make this an essential viewing.

24. Terror in the Sky

On Leather Wings was an entertaining and explosive start to the series that lacked... well... something. However, Terror in the Sky added whatever Man Bat’s first escapade was missing. The action in Terror is some of the best in the entire series from the motorcycle chase to the final showdown on the plane. Also, the twist is a classic in the series. Without spoiling anything, this overlooked episode of Batman is one of the very best action focused episodes of the series.

23. Judgment Day

Without spoiling everything here, Judgment Day probably has one of the best twist endings in the entire series. I was genuinely shocked after my first viewing of this episode. I may have been six or so, but still it is really clever. Aside from the ending, Judgment Day features some nice action, a mysterious new vigilante character, and whole lot more. Just watch it.

22. The Clock King

While Mr. Freeze is the most famous example of Batman’s rogues gallery being revitalized, The Clock King is honestly a close second. Clock King really had not been utilized since the 1960′s as a Batman foe, so using a gimmicky, sort of goofy villain here in a 1990′s cartoon was a shock. Luckily for the show, they had world class writers that converted Clock King into a gimmicky, but psychotic, vengeful villain. After being late for once ruined his life, Temple Fugate devoted his life to trying to humiliate and murder Mayor Hill in, of course, a time-themed way. This episode could have been really silly, but Clock King ends up being a fantastic villain in a well-paced, action packed episode of Batman.

21. Joker’s Wild

Of all the wonderful Joker episodes, I find this one to be the most overlooked and underrated. The episode starts off with a fun interaction between Joker and Poison Ivy, kind of like the awkward best friend who hates her friend’s boyfriend type of situation. After setting his sites on destroying a new casino designed after him, the Joker is actually shown escaping Arkham, which is a rare occasion in the series. What follows is a brilliant scene where Bruce Wayne eggs on the real Joker, high octane action, and the expected brand of humor. Simple, but great.

20. Catwalk

Now we are finally talking, Selina Kyle. Catwalk is one of Catwoman’s final episodes of the series, and it ends up being her best by far. After giving up her life up as Catwoman, Selina is trying to blend in with the real world with the aid of Bruce, but it just is not working. Subsequently, Kyle is given an offer by another certain rogue that she cannot turn down. Thus, Catwoman returns. What makes this episode strong is the twist, the dynamics between Batman, the other villain, and of course Catwoman. She gets to be more of a villain this episode, or at least more gray, and that is how it should be. Good job Mr. Altieri.

19. Old Wounds

After the events of Robin’s Reckoning, one could start to tell the relationship between Bruce and Dick was starting to weaken through their differences. A major wrench was thrown into that already strained relationship when Barbara played her hand as Batgirl. Thus, we have Old Wounds, one of the best flashback episodes of the series. Without getting into spoiler territory, a traumatic event on the night of Dick’s graduation from college, when Dick was already fed up at Bruce for pulling him away from, almost completely severed the head off their relationship. While the ultimate reason is a bit of misunderstanding and involved jealousy, it is really sad to watch unwind even if we know what is coming. Nightwing’s mullet suck still though.

18. Over the Edge

Let me get this out of the way. Over the Edge could have easily been a top 5 episode if the ending was not such a cop-out. *sighs* Oh well I guess. But seriously, other than the asspull of an ending, Over the Edge is the most suspenseful episode of the entire series without a doubt. Without spoiling things again, shit hits the fan about five minutes in here and everything snowballs from there. Watching it is thrilling, unnerving, and feels nothing like most of the other episodes of the series. Seriously. When a certain other baddie comes in at the end (in a much better appearance than his first, mind you...), things get even more intense. Give this one a try even if the ending leaves something to be desired.

17. Perchance to Dream

Once again, I will start on the only tiny negative of this episode. If you know the villains’ theme music like I do, you will know who the villain is in this episode early on. Anyways, dream episodes when they really should dream episodes can be very good. HINT HINT. Perchance to Dream is definitely one of those. After waking up in a world full of his greatest desires, Bruce has to unravel what has happened to him and what actions he should take. That may sound vague, but I am trying super hard to avoid spoilers in these top few episodes. Just watch this one and wait for a wonderful ending and a great dual performance from Kevin Conroy.

16. The Laughing Fish

Who would have thought an episode having to do with copyright law and patents would be the Joker’s best episode? Not me. But, The Laughing Fish is indeed my favorite Joker episode (where the focus is on his plots). After making nets full of fish in Gotham harbor carry his signature smile, the Joker tries to patent the Joker fish. After being denied, old Jack Napier takes revenge on everyone who stopped his original plan in a demented, funny, and tightly written plot. Hell, there is a scene where the Joker dresses up like the Gorton fisherman. This episode is a blast.

15. Growing Pains

Well, I feel depressed after watching this one. Growing Pains is one of the most heart-wrenching episodes of the animated series. Not only is it painful for the viewer, but even moreso for Tim Drake’s Robin. I feel like this is the best utilization of his character. After not listening to Batman’s advice, Robin gets more wrapped into helping a young girl who is seemingly running away from her abusive father. This plot brings back Drake’s relationship with his own father and his empathy for others he sometimes lacks in other episodes. Oh, and the twist is brilliant and connects the later episodes to the original series satisfyingly.

14. Double Talk

Ah, the best redemption episode of the series. Not only is Double Talk my second favorite episode in the later seasons, but it is one of my favorite dramatic episodes of the entire series. The Ventriloquist could have easily been a joke of a villain, but he has several stellar episodes in this series. Out of all them, Double Talk is definitely the best. The audience is cheering for Wesker to get over his issues, and his battle to overcome them is suspenseful and well written. The ending is poetic as can be, and I love it. Give this overlooked episode a watch and you will not regret it.

13. Feat of Clay

The downfall of Matt Hagan is one of the most depressing storylines of the entire series. The allegory for drug addiction with Matt’s reliance on Renuyu and the awful things he would do for just a little bit of it is a true tragedy. The allegory went over my head in my younger years, but watching now after seeing several people I have known my entire life struggle with addiction, the episode has a heavier hit. The two-parter’s first half ends possibly on the most horrific scene of the series. Anyone who has seen this knows what I am talking about. While the second half is not quite as strong as the first, Feat of Clay is a top flight Batman episode.

12. Robin’s Reckoning

Speaking of depressing two-parters, Robin’s Reckoning is the closest thing to a tear-jerker in the series. The scene where Dick leaves the circus left the production staff silent for several minutes supposedly because of how emotional it was. While Robin’s Reckoning is one of the many Robin origin stories in existence, it is definitely one of the best ones. The raw emotion makes RR one of the best episodes of the series. Robin’s decision at the end of the second episode is tense. Maybe that is why it won a Daytime Emmy.

11. Harlequinade

Have I stated on this list before that I really like Harley Quinn and her episodes? I guess I have. Out of all of them, this is my... second favorite. Tough decision. It is painful making this one miss the top ten. Especially after Harley’s rendition of Say We’re Sweethearts Again. And Batman facepalming on a table. Literally. The plot revolves around the seemingly serious sounding plot of the Joker stealing an ATOMIC BOMB and threatening Gotham. Batman teams up with Harley Quinn in exchange for her immunity to bring down Mistah J. What results is one of the best and funniest episodes of the series. Just watch Harley’s karaoke moment of the episode if you do not believe me. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vp6wLXj4-5A)

The Masterpiece Tier

The title should say enough for these episodes of BTAS. While Batman of the 90′s has so many stellar episodes, these are the best of the best and incredibly difficult to rank. I tried my best though.

10. Almost Got’im

When this episode ranks as low as ten... woah. AGI is the best episode with mulitple villains collaborating in one episode. While they are not coming up with an evil plot in this episode (well, mostly...), the group discusses the closest each of them got to killing Batman. Each tale is fun and the other villains’ commentary on the other stories is even better. The interaction between Two-Face and Poison Ivy is particularly good. The final line of the episode is also wonderfully poetic. Almost got the that top spot...

9. Mad Love

Of all the top notch Harley Quinn/Joker episodes in this series, Mad Love takes the cake as the best one. Based off the graphic novel of the same name, Mad Love possesses all of the extreme emotions and dark realism as its source material... besides some of the racier stuff. Still though, Mad Love does not hold back. The relationship between our two leads is completely one-sided and abusive making this episode work as the perfect allegory for all too common abusive relationships in the real world. Just because the main focus is on the clowns this episode, does not mean Batman is not excellent this episode. Because he is. Also, the Joker says, “May the floss be with you” at one point...

8. I Am the Night

Possibly the most emotional episode in the series, I Am the Night takes the animated series to its darkest depths. While laying flowers on the site of his parents death site, Batman misses a police sting where Commissioner Gordon ends up shot and critically injured in the hospital. Batman, feeling useless and underappreciated, vows to stop being Batman because of his failure. Every supporting character is utilized perfectly in this episode to stretch Bruce’s mental health in very different directions. Bullock and Robin represent the most extreme opposites. The ending is super satisfying and can teach everyone a lesson if they are feeling underappreciated.

7. Heart of Ice

Before Joel Schumacher and the Governator took a steaming pile of crap on Mr. Freeze’s new origin, Batman the Animated Series revamped the character with this well-known masterpiece. Seriously, this one won an Emmy too. Before the 1990′s, Mr. Freeze was a lame, generic ice villain, kind of like how Firefly is a lameass fire villain in this show. Heart of Ice is shockingly dark, soaked with emotion, and cold-hearted to the core. Mr. Freeze’s voice is soooooo perfect in this series too. Not much else to say that has not been said.

6. The Man Who Killed Batman

The premise to this episode is so simple that it is unbelievable that it is so good. A small time crook nicknamed Sid the Squid, while awkwardly stumbling on a rooftop, appears to kill Batman. After this moment, Sid becomes an idol to all the criminals in the city. Unfortunately, this is not all good news for the squid. What follows is some top notch comedy when everyone in the city might want to fight him now. Even the Joker makes an appearance. That appearance I personally believe is the best for the Joker in the entire series. Don’t believe me? Watch this scene. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ld0uIhst3TA) It is possibly my favorite of the entire show. All in all, watch this episode for something great from beginning to the end.

5. Beware the Gray Ghost

Alternating from the top comedy of the prior episode, The Gray Ghost is one of the more depressing episodes of the series. Without spoiling as much as I can, it is also one of the more uplifting that gives me chills almost every time I view it. A type-cast actor who used to play a superhero on a tv show is struggling financially, with his career, and overall emotionally. His state gets involved with Batman when the episode’s villain’s plot collides with a plot from an old episode of the Gray Ghost. At first bitter and not wanting to help, Batman soons teams up with his hero to take down the villain and it is almost perfect. Who plays the Gray Ghost by the way? Adam West. Whoever came up with that idea deserves a medal. Also, Bruce Timm plays the villain in this masterpiece, which is pretty badass.

4. The Demon’s Quest

The second best two-parter of the series, The Demon’s Quest combines the best of Batman with arguably the best iteration of Ra’as Al Ghul as well. The whole episode feels like an Indiana Jones film, which is not a bad fit honestly. The first part does a nice job establishing Ra’as and Batman’s relationship, and the second half does a stellar job of completing the plot with major style. Talia and Robin also make major appearances in this episode and both really work. Once again, watch this rare world domination episode of Batman for something very different, but very good.

3. If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Rich?

Now, here is my sleeper episode in the top five. I see this episode on people’s list every once and a while but rarely this high. Is this a Riddler (my favorite villain) bias? Maybe a little bit, but I personally think this is one of the strongest episodes due to several factors. One, this iteration of the Riddler is terrific. John Glover is perfectly cast as the genius and knocks it out of the park. His plan involving revenge, video games, supposed mental superiority, and of course riddles is well written. Robin makes one of his best appearances in this episode as a good foil to Batman’s riddle solving methods, and having superior video game skills predictably. However, the most stalwart aspect of this episode is the ending. It’s chilling and perfectly poetic at the same time. Way to go, Nygma.

2. Trial

Remember when I mentioned Almost Got’im as the best villain teamup episode? I lied. Flat out. Trial combines all of the best aspects of almost all of Batman’s reoccurring rogues gallery and all of them are at the top of their game here. Batman is captured and put on trial in Arkham, and the new DA, who hates Batman and thinks he belongs there as well, has to defend the Dark Knight. Joker plays the judge, Two-Face the prosecutor, and several other villains take the stand as witnesses. Guess what? It’s an absolute blast to watch. The episode has good comedy, top notch dialogue, and a terrific ending note. Trial is guilty of nothing but being one of the best episodes in the series.

1. Two-Face

Not the most original choice, but Two-Face was my clear cut favorite episode of Batman the Animated Series from the moment I considered composing a list. As I stated before, Two-Face is the best villain in the animated series overall. This episode really aided in making that true. So did Pretty Poison’s establishment of Harvey Dent. Seeing Harvey’s downfall from beloved District Attorney, fiance, and best friend to Bruce is painful, tragic, and as well written as humanly possibly. I feel like the first half is slightly better than the second, but both are masterpieces and work perfectly together despite a time gap which all other two part episodes lack. So, all in all, Two-Face is what I believe to be the most masterful episode in a series full of masterpieces.

Thanks for checking out my list. I had a fun, but strenuous time making it and hope you check out my future lists too!

#batman #batman the animated series #dcau

6 notes · View notes

hackfortnite7987-blog · 5 years

Text

Discover a Quick Solution to Fortnite V Bucks!

Money Laundering Scheme Uncovered Using Fortnite V

Now for some latest exciting news: New leaks have appeared online that point to snow arriving at the drawing of Fortnite Battle Royale for the winter season. Fortnite carry out a juvenile person base. That's why Epic is ensuring that all eligible participants into direct qualifiers are 13 years or big, which players between 13 and 17 years old must have permission from a father or appropriate parent” to restrict with the World Cup. This collection contains more than 14 Plans to make your Fortnite FPS get senior and minimize lag, also that controls over 30 Windows Tweaks & boosts to expand running and eventually Increase the FPS while performing Fortnite.

To Get Free V Responsibilities in Fortnite Battle Royale, there are bunches of legit ways available for you. Still, this open v bucks query and provide itself a chance for scammers to dodge game players with present them Against Bucks Generator for Fortnite Game. If you happen to use Discord, then ensure that you optimize that also to enhance your FPS in Fortnite and other games while Discord is going on in the history.

Fortnite Battle Royale has been free to games because the launch, and its virtual currency is a major revenue river for Epic Games While items held from the collection offer no competitive edge, they earn the game cool and green. The basic guide to Fortnite, the biggest game in the day, combining information in Campaign Royale and Avoid the planet modes in the final one-stop winner's manual.

Fortnite is the largest sport of 2018, when you see a person who games regularly, there's a great opportunity they're enjoying that. The game itself becomes free, but players have to use in-game V-Bucks to buy customizations. EPIC UPDATES & EVENTS - Weekly updates constantly fuel the joy. New gameplay modes, powerful and mad new looks for your avatar, new tools and items….Fortnite is always expanding.

Epic Games: Fortnite Battle Royale says no direct the game to babies under the times of 13 in the BRITISH. Starting about May 13, players will be able to comprehend the Fortnite World Cup Open Qualifiers presented like a game approach in the way selection screen. Each qualifier can give a total prize puddle of $1 million, which means Epic will spread $10 million simply with Direct Qualifiers with the Earth Cup.

Part of Fortnite's climb to dominance has no doubt become its cross-platform availability, with casual mobile gamers on the move able to get involved with hardcore bedroom gamers about the same footing ( Sony was unwilling , but cross-play functionality has lately been helped for PS4 players ). Most of the FORTNITE V BUCKS GENERATOR websites out there are try to assure a person which somehow the developers managed to hack into the FORTNITE Database, and so they can easily achieve the unlimited free v-bucks into War Royale game.

With Season 7 in full swing, version 7.01 can not sound to exciting by contrast. That said, the new type of Fortnite embraces the Infinity Blade system from Epic Games' Infinity Blade series, the new Close Encounters limited-time mode, and more. Figure 2a: Data program the estimated profit from point print and consequences range in Fortnite players May 2017 — June 2018, based on the Edison Trends dataset.

3 VBUCKS Secrets You Never Saw

Accumulate resources: Unlike other Battle Royale, one of the secret of Fortnite remains which foster is very important. From a ramp allowing you to climb to an elevated point into a wall behind that to take in yourself, or treatment as a cover to escape if you are at a disadvantage, take a potion. For the first time ever, Fortnite Battle Royale players have the chance to compete with one another for a huge sum of V-Bucks, the sport virtual currency.

With more than 100 million Fortnite players playing the game around the world, hopefully one of them will have fixed the mystery in the purple cube the moment and for all by then. I was in complete shock to see fortnite v bucks Generator, I try and persuade myself that it is not going to works, but it pieces, next I passed cool tools and costumes for the hero. An easy door to sport the action on iOS, PC, PlayStation 4 and Xbox One and get there to enjoy a more affluent experience. Get relief from Fortnite V Bucks Cheats to have enough funds to improve the lawsuits and manage to make your hopes come true.

Gratitude for mind my Fortnite: Battle Royale & Fortnite: Save The planet videos! Need additional? I announced daily Fortnite movies before anything interesting for Fortnite Battle Royale. Fortnite's unique and fewer common horde mode offers daily login bonuses, daily obstacles, and compensates for Storm Shield Defense missions. They occur short and straightforward ways to get a tiny quantity of currency each day, although you'll should really acquire the method.

Being the best in Fortnite Battle Royale is no easy feat, and there's no sure way to find a Triumph Royale every time. Yet, while we may guarantee you'll end in the prime five whenever you act, our information to playing Fortnite Battle Royale should help you out-survive your peers more often than not. That important to know where chests are used in Fortnite - Battle Royale. It gives you a great advantage. You can remember every individual spot but the easier approach is to visit them in this program.

Epic Activities are trying to develop a tiny side of Fortnite Battle Royale for participants to enjoy with their colleagues here creative mode, using a smaller starting circle. In rapid, I discovered a backdoor break into the records of numerous big gaming crowd. The Fortnite Battle Royale database lets myself to help charge as many resources because I want in any Fortnite Battle Royale account.

VBUCKS - Not For Everyone

Watch the latest episode of our Fortnite talk show Squad Up to meet Patrick Warburton enjoy around movement royale. One of the best things about building a MACHINE for Fortnite lives to, instead of a great in-game performance, people only really need 2 or more CPU cores. Kids can sometimes buy V-Bucks fortnite vbucks without their parents' knowledge, as their parents' character or debit cards are associated with the activity account they will application to show. Although the issue isn't special to Fortnite, the problem with Fortnite has invited particular attention as the game is so popular right now.

Now, not the whole Side Quests get you V-Bucks (Fortnite is rather particular about this stuff) but the critical portion is there are some Side Quests which steps you around 150 V-Bucks. V Bucks Hack Problem in Fortnite and presented a Anti-Ban article by utilizing Proxy setup. Fortnite battle royale is a free game, open on multi platforms. Participants could play daily given challenges wherever they may gain vbucks, it is the game internal currency that may be useful for the gambler team with guns.

The account confidence is the top priority! Defend the story in permitting 2FA. As a prize for protecting your report, you'll unlock the Boogiedown Emote in Fortnite Battle Royale. It's unclear at this time how the Buried Treasure item will work, however. It'd make sense if the item somehow told a singular, powerful tool hidden somewhere around the map—but most Fortnite fans don't know what to expect quite yet.

So that's everything you need to know or making put into Fortnite and Fortnite Battle Royale. We'll guarantee anyone in the dugout. With answer , Epic staff member darkveil” said, Yes!” The plan is already in place but it is technically a little difficult,” according to the comment. Epic wants to provide mini-BR” sport with Creative where users can configure the Storm, use the bus drop feature, and other objects through the main Fortnite battle royale island.

Fortnite season 6 is out right now and prepared to get but Epic Activities have emerged a telling about V-Bucks purchases. Fortnite gift certificate generator is a server-based tool. You can create unlimited gift card codes by using this application. All flavor of Fortnite (which take 10 weeks), you are presented a Row Ranking. Simply playing the action with completing challenges may spread your Level Ranking. And for each Tier Ranking you unlock, you'll get something different. That may be some benefit V-Bucks, a new skin before the XP booster to boost your turn.

youtube

V-Bucks hack - V-Bucks is become a very important store to increase your upgrade. Spend the Fortnite hack device then you may receive your own goals. That's why you're here in the opening place. If you have enabled Players vs Enemies” (PvE) mode or Save the planet” game kind in Fortnite, you are the eligible to take role in Regular Quests on the sport. Daily Missions are only serially open daily in-game tasks for you to finish them individually and acquire free v-bucks contrary to the chores you completed on the same day.

Fortnite Battle Royale happens currently presented at Android and IOS collection at free of charge. This great competition was created and broadcast by ‘Epic Games' crowd. The qualifications to course that competition are high, recommended to use flagship way as the game is dependent upon weight whole planet place. Over us you are able to move free Fortnite V Bucks without completing any annoying studies or walking yourself banned from the game. Some Fortnite hacks include illicit bots that can be dangerous. Instead in the website we deal anyone the opportunity to make V Bucks without completing studies, using illicit bots, or other illicit means.

You can turn off hardware acceleration with Google Chrome so that history applications performed by Chrome do not consume too many resources once you become playing Fortnite. Free Fortnite V Bucks Generator Ideal and Cool Way for 2019. But, if you're not, then pay attention to this section then examine very precisely. Since those fake V Bucks Hack can cause the ‘Fortnite account banned or blocked‘ if you slide to the corner.

Having moving storm turns in creative would as well live perfectly collected from the Fortnite competitive community because participants will be able to consistently practice hectic end-game scenarios commonly noticed in LAN events. Fortnite could also follow PUBG's pattern also count news roads to color up the gameplay (but made with Fortnite's signature, goofy style). More vehicles could be another interesting direction to look at home, with competitors PUBG , H1Z1 and now Appeal of Due: Blackout successfully featuring vehicular gameplay.

0 notes

no-ns-en-si-ca-l · 6 years

Text

Some Moments Leading up to This One • Christina Catherine Martinez

RATS

At some point the rats got out of control. Our parents purchased the rats from a guy who bred them in buckets of wood shavings in his garage. We surveyed the containers like they were windows full of puppies. The little pink and white things wriggling around in them were to be our pets. That they were bred to be food for larger pets belonging to families moving in more robust circles of economic activity did not occur us children.

COPS

My father was mildly obsessed with cops, tried several times to become one—making circles on practice tests for the written exam, making circles on the dirt track of the Sherriff’s training academy behind our house—but there was always some clerical snafu or abstruse psychological red flag (one question they ask is whether or not you turn around to look at your waste before flushing the toilet. Apparently there is a wrong answer to this). On rainy days my brothers and I slurped ramen noodles and watched the police documentary series COPS on Fox 11. Matthew lived next door and was a couple years younger than me. His parents told him he was too young to watch the show, but he pleaded them into the odd compromise of watching the title sequence only, which succored him enough to stalk the neighborhood with a nerf gun singing the theme song, bad boys, bad boys, over and over under his breath.

We were home schooled and Matthew was not. Every morning, around the time my mom began clearing up the breakfast dishes and herding us together to begin the day's work, I would see Matthew's little face inch past the living room window in his grandmother's big white Cadillac. I can’t remember if she lived with them or not, but she was always around, functioning as part chauffeur, part babysitter, and all around emotional punching bag for this supremely unhappy family (the entire second story of their house was added on as a private bedroom suite for mom). Every afternoon my brothers and I returned to the window just in time to see the white car pull up to their tight, golf-ready lawn and watch Matthew's backpack sail through the passenger-side window, followed shortly by Matthew himself. He yelled and spat and kicked papers and shit all over the lawn, without fail, every school day. It was such a treat. I credit this daily theater with planting the seed of skepticism in my attitude toward institutions, and I suppose by extension, to anyone in uniform.

Still, as committed members a religious suburban community, of some of my parents' closest friends were officers of the law. Not the slack-jawed, double-chinned avatars of male torpor, but sweet, boar-bristle ‘stached men with bright eyes and prematurely creased foreheads. The kind earned from continually raising brows at things children say. Especially children who don't go to regular school. Dad stopped trying to become a cop after noticing their off-duty penchant for K-Swiss sneakers and Hawaiian shirts.

Eventually, between the hours of 12 and 6 am, between backseat blow jobs and furtive jam sessions, I would run into these men. A tense skein of trust evolved as they circled the perimeter of my adolescence; tapping the glass, raising their eyebrows, and waiving me home. I lived in cars, but I was no good at it. I wondered what separated me from the subjects on COPS, who also just wanted to hang out but invariably, somehow, ended up face down on the sidewalk. I asked Gonzo what his rules of thumb were for letting girls off with a warning. He was immune to crying and pleas of period emergencies, but once, upon pulling over a swerving vehicle and finding a woman covered in exploded burrito, he did let her go. Gonzo is a close family friend, and I was convinced that he was the greatest cop that ever lived.

Years later I asked him why, at tender age of thirty five-ish, he left the po-po biz to become a teacher. He said he didn't like kind of person it was turning him into.

PUBLIC SCHOOL

For a radical experiment in parenting, try this: take a feral child (who loves Jesus), strap it to a translucent purple backpack, and place it in a structured learning environment. Years later—

APPLES

A lot of our games were about dying. The best, by far, was the night we tried to enact as many stock movie death scenes as possible without laughing. We were just hanging out. Someone was on the floor, and then Nadal starting noodling something sad on the piano, and then it kind of took off from there. We played a swan song for a gritty, browbeaten cop with a heart of gold (a peculiar trope, and, as I learned years later after experiencing the privilege of transatlantic flight, a particularly American one). We slipped through the hands of an action hero clinging helplessly to his buddy dangling off the edge of a cliff. Grenades crashed all around as Paul and I played out a lost cause on the battlefield. I cradled Paul's head in my arms, taking his shirt in a vice grip and screaming, “Don't you die on me soldier!" and then, for context, finessing a line about how he can't die, because he never taught me his secret gumbo recipe. Paul gasped for air, phantom blood filling his throat and mouth. It dribbled down his chin, sputtered off his lips and onto my shirt. Everyone clapped their hands over their mouths to keep from laughing. Just before his eyes rolled back in his head and his neck went limp, Paul pulled me close and whispered in a Cajun accent, "Don't forget the nutmeg,

mon ami....

" I brushed my fingertips over his eyes to close them. At this final touch, we could hold it no longer. Everyone burst laughing, crying, chugging beers, and yelling

ok, now me! me and you!

As the only girl, more than once I resorted to my privileged trope of peaceful cancer girlfriend. I'd stroke whoever's face very softly and whisper sweet platitudes about Finding New Love and how I Will Always Be With You. The beloveds raspberried in my face with laughter, and then we'd all drink some more. I died at least five times. We drank, the piano lolled on, we laughed until the laughter turned to honking chest rattles because we hadn't quit smoking yet. The roleplay kept going. In high school we'd made exclamations of love to one or more of one another. We filched wine and read e.e. cummings by candlelight, smoked weed and listened to records, made out in the McDonald’s PlayPlace, and screamed at one another in cars, breaking up and getting back together many times over. We heeded the tap on the glass and went home. We threatened to kill ourselves and harbored baroque fantasies about our funerals. Dying for fun at the crash house purged our maudlin adolescence and all its attendant delusions, suddenly petty in light of things like getting dressed for work and swinging a grocery basket in the crook of an arm and filling out apartment rental applications at Starbucks. An ironic bow at the threshold of adulthood, when all the quotidian necessities of independent living were briefly, intensely glamorous. We got oil changes and shopped for work clothes. We stopped buying Nat Sherman Fantasia's and got promoted to shift lead. We had people over for dinner and complained about our bosses. Then some of us got actual cancer, and some of us actually tried to kill ourselves, and once or twice we went blind, stabbing the roof of our mouth with the toothbrush, our girlfriends trying to pull rank on despair.

We scatter. But we find each other. Years later, Landon and I are sitting in the Seinfeld restaurant in Harlem. I’m on my first work trip with the gallery. Landon entered Columbia University as a film major, and is about to leave with a degree in computer science. Upon learning the average post-graduation salaries for his respective choices, the change was swift. I show him my little stack of business cards with the word director printed under my name. He pays for the meal with an elegant slip of his own card. The last time we dined, it was at a Cheesecake Factory in Orange County. He wore sunglasses to mask the bandages over his eyes, and I wept into some kind of alcoholic milkshake called a Flying Gorilla.

We pick at anonymous fried brown things and exchange tabs on where we all went. The food here is decent, except for the marinara sauce, which I suspect is with dishwater to make it last. We talked about all of the times we died and I ask, between bites of naked mozzarella stick, why he left the old crash house.

“I just thought we could be grown-ups,” he said.

I remembered the giant Patrick Nagel poster that crowned the faux-wood paneled living room, a crouching woman in pink thigh high boots, larger than life.

“Mmmmm," I said.

“And we just”—last time I visited the house she had grown a dick, a mustache, and a fist-sized hole near her shoulder—“like, we couldn’t do it,” he said. “We couldn’t have nice things or make a home.”

“You should have taken out the wallpaper."

“It was his mom’s."

“I know," I said, "but that’s a lot of apples."

MONEY

Money is an excellent balm, very near to forgiveness. I met John Wayne at a comedy show, and he quoted Austin Powers in bed, but the following week he was out of town on business, and it felt good to say “he’s out of town on business” in response to someone’s face screwing up about the yeah baby stuff. It generally worked, and I have no reason to believe John Wayne wasn’t his real name.

MONEY

“Does the taco place take cards?”

“They charge seventy cents to use a card.”

“Alright then let’s swing by the Chase ATM on the way.”

“Are you for real?”

“Yes. What? Yes I’m for real.”

“You’re just going to spend the seventy cents you’ll save from using cash for the tacos on the extra gas it will take to swing by the ATM for the cash.”

“It’s on the way.”

“It’s so freaking hot right now.”

“It’s literally right on the way.”

“I can’t believe you can make these kinds of calculations after we’ve been sitting under a waterfall all day.”

“I’m stopping at the Chase ATM.”

“If you’re going to trap me in this hot car any longer in order to save seventy cents, then I’ve earned seventy cents worth of bitching for however long this ATM detour is delaying tacos.”

“I can’t believe you can make these kinds of calculations after we’ve been sitting under a waterfall all day.”

“We haven’t even moved in the last five minutes.”

“Fine. It’s worth seventy cents to not have to sit in this traffic or hear you bitch.”

“Do you think if we had universal basic income, Post-Internet art would still exist?”

….

“What?”

“I don’t know.”

RATS

Oddly enough they fuck like rabbits. We brought home a brother and sister from the bucket guy, thinking they might respect their second chance at life by refraining from incest. Instead they multiplied, and we had to buy more cages to house all the pink little nubbies that kept popping out of the mama rat. Seizing upon this educational moment, our mother encouraged us to learn more about rats, and we observed the little nubbies at length, patiently waiting for them to grow into more comely beings. One day I noticed one of the nubbies lying still while the others inched around the cage with their little salamander limbs. I put him in my palm, and he was cold. I took him to my father, who was preparing his next sermon in the dining room. I had yet to attend public school, but I’d seen enough television to aesthetically forecast the kind of educational moment he might seize upon.

“Dad,” I cooed, “this one died.”

“Oh honey,” he said, taking the miniature creature in his hands, “He’s not dead… he’s just thirsty!”

And with that, he dropped the dead baby rat into his glass of lemonade.

I froze for a few seconds, then clapped my hands over my mouth to keep from laughing.

That’s when I became a comedian.

#(truth)

0 notes