#perspective can use work block and not have this come up in their feed

[etoilesbienne]

re: boundaries

I've made many posts previously on this subject already, so people are already aware of my stance regarding disliking the way "boundaries" as a concept are used by the mcyt fandom, however I want to have a brief meditation on why this is the case, and a look at common arguments about them.

however i do want to make clear that i don't mind boundaries as a concept, actual boundaries. as in "if you do x, i will respond with y" kinds of boundaries. I think cc are completely fair and understandable in this kind of perspective. if someone makes a kind of content they dislike, they're free to block that fan or express discomfort over it. That's normal.

my critical eye is turned toward the fandom's perception of "boundaries" as a sort of fandom ruleset, either you follow them with the in-group, or you're thrown in the out-group and labelled all sorts of insults, anywhere from a criminal offender to just having people be plain nasty toward you. this in my opinion, really feeds into the fandom habit of having "cliques" as fandoms are social networks that are voluntarily joined. i find it juvenile at best.

at worst, on the other hand, is the concept of mcyt having mixed in kpop stan culture around 2019 with smplive (great server. horrific fandom at the time it was run. all of the smplive fans still left are veterans worthy of respect for surviving that.), which caused a very explosive mixture.

kpop fandom has this outlook and parasociality toward idols because these idols are borderline unreachable. even in smaller groups, companies generally (not always.) discourage idols from talking one-on-one selectively with fans. there deserves to be a more thorough examination of kpop fandom with stan culture, that i believe i am not fully qualified for. my point is that kpop idols are a hell of a lot harder to reach for english fans, whether through language barrier or through professionality done by companies.

the explosive mixture is bringing this same mentality - the mentality that these people you look toward as the main source of the fandom as being untouchable, perfect people. it's dehumanizing in its own right, but aside from that, it creates a dangerous fandom situation. as best shown using smplive with CallMeCarson from before.

CMC is the origin point of boundaries within the MCYT fandom, having held a live in fall of 2019 talking about how a popular danganronpa themed wattpad smplive fanfiction was upsetting for him to read. CMC had an intense fanbase that could and would look up to him no matter what. of course the fanbase would go after and harass this author off of the internet and deleting their work (which remained lost media until this January of 2024. Almost half a decade.) after this situation, only months later it comes out that CMC had in fact been manipulating women aged 17 to early 20s, into sexual dms and sending him explicit photos of themselves for around a year. i am of the opinion CMC would have done this behavior regardless, however, the fact he had access to so many women who put him on a pedestal without considering he could exploit them was exacerbated by the stan culture mentality of mcyt's fandom at the time. this is not a criticism of the women, it is a criticism of the fandom culture of the time for failing to treat carson as a human being who had every capability to treat people like this.

no cc is exempt from that mentality by the fandom. carson knowingly used his position within the fandom to make the choice to do that to those girls. no cc should be exempt from the real possibility of the consideration that they can fuck up, not always in the way that they necessarily need to be cancelled or deplatformed, carson is an extreme example that is absolutely not representative of cc as a whole, but there needs to be a healthy level of doubt and separation between creators and fans.

to reiterate: cc are not your friends. cc do not need you to speak for them. you do not know these people personally. to present your defense of them and their personal opinions like you spoke to them directly and are close friends is dangerous, both for yourself, and for other fans in the community.

everything i have listed is why i always will be critical toward any fan group or clique that presents themselves as being pillars of the community, and why i am critical of any page or resource that tries to list "boundaries" as hard fast rules to be self policed by the fandom. not only is that punitive mentality, it's careless and poor understanding of how communities at large work.

i don't think a "boundaries" list is necessarily a bad idea in the long run either, if these lists were, like, compilations of streamers' twitch chat rules, that'd be cool! but generally these lists lack any nuance of why and where some boundaries may apply. like a ton of streamers hate ships being spammed in chat, but could give less of a fuck about people making ship fanart. or like wouldn't care as long as the ship art isn't put in their main tag.

as well as the general ignoring of regular boundaries, we all remember the horror show of people dono-ing to cc in 2020-22 asking for their boundaries right? like just so we're explicitly clear, walking up to someone and asking what someone's opinion of making adult content of them is very much sexual harassment. that's objectively something fans should not be asking to cc. if they want to say something, they can speak up on their own. they do not need your prompting. if you wouldn't ask it to your boss in an office, don't ask cc it. tangentially related is the ignoring of boundaries based on disliking fans harassing each other or other cc. those boundaries never get to be prioritized for a reason, as those behaviors feed into the stan culture mentality of pitting sources against each other in fan wars.

parasociality and stan culture turn mcyt fandom into a power vacuum where fans who like to self-police to a dangerous extent try to take charge. this makes the fandom worse.

[itsbeenliketenyearsitsprettywild]

What if... Kazui’s victim WASN’T his wife?

So, I just connected some dots about Kazui’s videos and various points of symbolism in it, and If I’m right.. Kazui might’ve been pulling the wool over our eyes way further than we thought, guys. That is to say: What if his wife’s death was in reaction to his original murder?

(rest under readmore!)

Part 1: Kazui, René Magritte, and the Art of Misdirection

One of the things Cat made sure to make clear to the audience was that we have to take everything Kazui gives us with a major grain of salt. This is shown multiple ways; the illusionist persona he takes on for most of the video, the fast-paced sequences meant to obscure important details, the fact that it involves multiple René Magritte references, etc.

Though, speaking of René Magritte... anyone remember another of his famous works?

That’s right: Kazui’s mind might be feeding us a narrative more deceptive and treacherous than we think. And this will all unfortunately be ignoring the fact that ‘une pipe’ is French slang for ‘a blowjob’.  don’t blame me, blame Kazui’s subconscious

Just to be clear: I still think the visuals Kazui gives us and the clues he sets up for us are very important to consider. It’s just that the obvious picture they paint isn’t entirely accurate.

After all, while he may be one of the prisoners that the narrative has been clear about being an intentional liar/deceiver, the way his mind portrays these deceptions is very different from how MILGRAM’s other liar, Shidou, goes out of his way to deceive us:

Shidou’s method of deception is more obvious while at the same time being more obtuse: he makes copious use of visual symbolism and metaphor. The building blocks he uses are, by their nature revealing to us his subjective feelings and personal truth with regards to a subject, while the objective reality of what happened takes a back seat. In doing so, he’s still honestly revealing that everything we’re seeing at a given moment is important. It’s just that, what anything we’re being shown is actually supposed to convey, that’s for us to work out.

In comparison, the way Kazui sets up his lies?  Well, like any true illusionist, it’s all in the presentation and setup.

Part 2: The Man(’s Wife) Behind the Curtain

So, given that Prisoner 007’s main tactic for lying to us is misdirection, this means one big foundational aspect of truth is immediately doubtful: Anything Kazui directly tries to tell/convey to us is immediately questionable and likely not entirely accurate.

You see, one of the best ways a stage magician can misdirect an audience is through an misleading framing of events. They do this multiple ways - by stating what kind of trick they’re going to be pulling, letting the audience see what props they’re holding as the trick begins, and noting where the conceit of the trick isn’t (ie; the classic  “Nothing up my sleeve!” line).

In doing so, the audience is primed to see everything they notice from a particular perspective. That way, even if they DO glance at the trick the magician is pulling, they’ll still be unlikely to understand exactly what they’re seeing and have ‘the magic ruined’ for them.

So, any big conceits and large framing devices Kazui draws our attention to probably aren’t being utilized the way they seem to be at face value. If we want to the truth, it’s gonna be in the slower moments where Kazui isn’t talking to us. Or, in the moments that he is, the most important parts are the little things that go by too fast for up to keep up with.

As an example, look back up at the most recent screenshot I posted. Notice anything that’s a bit harder to immediately parse compared to everything else?

Yep, that little French blurb tucked between all this bigger, flashier stuff. Just based on the captions, it’s easy to pin them as the lyrics translated to French, right?

Wrong. 

While the lyrics and visuals seem to be painting a picture of Kazui eventually coming into conflict with his innocent wife, the second line in French... could almost be taken as a... statement of solidarity? It’s written in past tense (as compared to ‘we will be better’), but is still much more equal and affectionate on both sides than the simple ‘victim-criminal’ dynamic would lead one to infer.

Not to mention... wasn’t it implied they talked about all this and largely resolved it back in half?

And indeed, it was! Starting from 2:18 going to 2:36, we get the green apple (which seems to represent Kazui’s hidden nature) sitting on a table onstage with the spotlight shining directly on it. The truth about Kazui has been put front and center where it can readily be seen. And what do we see as we pull into the foreground?

Not a fight, or a clash, but Hinako reaching out and comforting Kazui.

For all he’s told us that confessing the truth is what lead to ‘her’ death, the actual (notably subdued and understated) moment we see where it seems like he’s finally admitted what he’s been hiding his entire life, she responds to his truth with a very small smile.

A hand on his cheek. More than anything else, it’s this moment that resonates with that ‘we would do better’ that Kazui tried to slide past our radar.

But if that’s the case, it raises a very important question: If it wasn’t actually the truth itself that caused everything come crashing down, what did? If this was still everything being fine... 

Then, what moment was represented by all of this?

What, exactly, was this ‘dove’ Kazui tore apart with his teeth that drove his wife to react with horror and despair?

Part 3: Green, the color of hidden truths

For all that Kazui’s intentional deception of the viewer is near exclusively done through misdirecting the audience’s attention or misleading our perspective, there’s still a lot he’s only willing to tell us through symbolism. The most obvious case of this, of course, is Kazui’s green apple, reflecting his true nature he’s hidden away for most of his life.

But did you notice the color coding he also uses throughout most of Cat?

On the most basic level, we can see this utilized as a way to differentiate relevance to characters: Kazui represents himself with blue, and Hinako with pink.

See? 

As such, the colors Kazui uses in backgrounds, in drawing characters, and to write out text can be very important in deciphering what everything is supposed to mean. The problem is that he uses a lot more colors besides just pink and blue, with us currently not knowing what any of the other colors mean.

...Well, besides green, at least. He’s already made it pretty obvious that green represents hidden things that Kazui (on some level) doesn’t want discovered.

...But, wait. 

If so....

...Why is this one woman in the wedding audience wearing a green dress?

Most of y’all probably already know this, but I recently made a post where I drew the conclusion that she’s actually the wife of Kazui’s childhood friend, the bartender, with the bar scene in half being their introductory meeting so they could get to know each other better.

One of the things I didn’t bring up in that post was the fact that we seem to watch her get absolutely sloshed during it.

Which. Certainly is a choice? Going out all dressed up to where your hubby works, to meet the guy he’s been best friends with since childhood, and you decide the best way to make a first impression is to get hammered and start having to lean against this relative stranger just so you don’t fall off the stool? 

Don’t worry, my theory isn’t going the roofie route, so no need to fret over that.

Instead, the question I started considering was, “Why would she feel the need to start drinking so much?” And, in general, there’s a few different reasons why someone might decide to get seriously inebriated; to blow off steam, to forget your problems, to fuel a budding alcohol addiction, etc. 

But the reason that made the most sense to me in this context was drinking to settle the nerves. 

Sometimes, when people feel tense or awkward when socializing, they’ll start drinking alcohol as a way to calm themselves down and make things less tense. Booze is a well-known social lubricant, after all; knock enough back and suddenly you’re everybody’s friend! 

But, to feel the need to go that far just to keep up a conversation with the guy your husband is closest to... She must have felt REALLY uncomfortable, for some reason.

Which brings me back to her wearing the color of intentionally hidden secrets at Kazui’s wedding.

I think she had a feeling about Kazui’s true nature from when they first met. While the thought of it made her uncomfortable, largely as to what might mean for Kazui’s dynamic with her husband. However, she didn’t want to come out and confront him about it in such a public place (and where her spouse works, no less!), so instead she just kept drinking. The wedding... to be honest, I think the wedding reassured and assuaged her doubts for at least a little while. 

After all, he and Hinako seemed to be seriously happy and in love! It wouldn’t feel anywhere near as sincere if the groom was secretly ‘like that’, right?

And at some point during that time (don’t remember if we’ve been given an official marriage length for them or not; please let me know if we have) Kazui confessed the truth to Hinako, who largely just took it in stride and stayed by his side through thick and thin. 

‘It’ only occurred after all that had already happened.

What’s ‘it’, you ask?

Well... the truth is, I have no way of knowing precisely what ‘it’ was; it’s the biggest truth Kazui is hiding from us, after all, and a magician would never reveal his secrets so easily. What I do know is that it likely involved the bartender’s wife directly confronting Kazui, with Kazui doing something drastic in return, likely to better keep his secret hidden.

And, for all I can’t tell you precisely what ‘it’ was, whether ‘it’ was threatening someone or the actual murder Kazui was put in Milgram for, I CAN readily point you to how Kazui viewed ‘it’:

And it was only after discovering whatever the above represents that we see Hinako react like this: 

But, with all this in mind, I think Hinako’s potential... murder? suicide? whatever it was? ... is far less about whatever ‘green apple’ Kazui was hiding, and far more about how far he was willing to go to keep it hidden. 

TL;DR: In keeping audience misdirection in mind, Hinako finding out about Kazui’s true nature more than likely isn’t what lead to the ‘murder’ Kazui is in Milgram for. If anything, it was likely the wife of his childhood friend confronting Kazui about his secret that lead to where things ended up; from what we can tell, Kazui had already told his wife his secret, and that hadn’t pushed her away.

[alyjojo]

The Person On Your Mind in January 🏔️ 2024 - Cancer

Whole of their energy towards Cancer: 8 Wands

Feelings: 4 Cups

Intentions: 5 Swords

Actions: The Tower & The Magician

You crazy. This person is a total dicksicle and your message is “I will never leave you alone”. Good lord, why? I assume you’re the one messaging them, hoping for a new beginning, you probably have feelings for this person. Page of Cups feelings, it’s new, it’s something you see as potential to be love. Idk why. Their feelings are 4 Cups, they don’t care. They either see you as someone they work with, a friend, someone platonic, and I say them because it’s clearly not switched for this one. It’s like they’ve already ghosted or they’ve already cheated/messed with your head, if anything they look at you with a “you should’ve learned” kind of perspective. They could have an ego that borders on toxic, they love to mess with you, but in their very slight, tiny defense, you’re feeding the monster 👺

They intend to fk with your head and bail, or torture you until you do? They could be verbally vicious, bullying, I mean…this can’t be invisible to you. In action, two options. Either they shock you by sweeping you off your feet and into their bed (with fkd intentions 😣), or you’re moving on very quickly to someone else that has real potential, a genuinely great person, maybe not a person at all but a great job opportunity. Something amazing happens for you that shocks the shit out of them. Ball is in your court & you deserve better, that may be unconscious to you right now, it may be Spirit and Towers forcing you another direction - for your benefit. They’re meant to be a lesson.

Messages:

Their side:

- Infidelity 💔

- Leave them on READ

Your side:

- Lesson 💯

- I will never leave you alone.

Possible signs:

Cancer & Aquarius heavy, Aries, Pisces

If you’re dealing with:

7 Wands & 10 Swords, something very painful has happened in your group of people. Your energy is defending yourself against what others may have to say about a situation, a person, your involvement, like it’s none of their business and they can fk off. Or others feel this way about you, only you will know. You could be defending other people as well.

Aries - leaving a job or a relationship

Taurus - feels left out or abandoned & they didn’t have a choice in the matter, or you do

Gemini - confessing something they’ve been holding back, could happen very quickly

Cancer - pissed off & condescending about progress on something, their version of the truth hurts you, could be this person

Leo - an opportunity they’ve waited on is ending, blocked, not happening, but there’s another path being highlighted as a clear ✨yes ✨

Virgo - coming back around because they don’t want to be without you, or they need money

Libra - still holding grudges from the past 😤

Scorpio - giving you some sort of information, feels valuable or helpful, could be teaching you something along with a gift - the example I got was a parent giving you a dishwasher and showing you how to use it

Sagittarius - getting positive attention & recognition at work, moving up the ranks, or publicly noticed/awarded in some way ⭐️

Capricorn - pressured by someone that acts dramatic, jealous, bossy, etc., but is taking the high road, or leaving/quitting altogether

Aquarius - healing after a breakup or since the two of you split, if it’s you

Pisces - thinks you’re hot, but doesn’t take this seriously, could be new & they just don’t know what you want/like/etc.

[short-yandere-stories]

not sure if match-ups are open but if not, feel free to ignore! starters, if i could pick any character i could see myself as, i would say martha and eli mixed! i am an enfp and an optimist who would never let negativity ruin anyone's day! i am considered as the 'mom' friend of the group and hmm... i like to draw and bake! extras; i am a rather affectionate person! i like to spoil people, platonically or romantically, with gifts and many things just so others won't feel unloved 🥰 thank you in advance!! 💖

Awwww that sounds lovely!! Martha’s internal strength, support and optimism, and Eli’s caring and help-

I believe that the characters who would go yandere for you are Naib, Violetta, and Grace. Let me explain.

Content Warnings: Yandere (obviously), possessive behavior, mentions of threats (and death threats), aggression, manipulation, spiders, dolls, isolation, unhealthy dependence, controlling behavior, unhealthy mindsets, threats of harm to others, mentions of potentially killing (the reader), mentions of potentially turning reader’s dead body into a doll, abandonment, bad mental health, mentions of past drowning, the reader is partially drowned in one sentence (water covering face, but not lethally), unwilling bond/marriage

This is a yandere work. Proceed at your own risk and please be mindful of your triggers.

:✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

:✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

As a stern, battle-worn mercenary, Naib is more than used to the cruelty of life. He’s often pessimistic and sulking, sure that no matter how hard any of you try, there is no way you’ll be able to ever leave the manor.

At first, your cheery outgoing personality and optimism just piss him off. How can you so cheerfully tell Ganji that he did great when your defeated team is returned to the manor? If you lost, he clearly didn’t play well.

But, slowly, he starts to first tolerate, and then enjoy your outlook on life in the manor. It’s a refreshing new perspective, and with the way you’ve stubbornly hovered around him trying to cheer him up, it’s not surprising that even his hard shell would eventually crack.

Admittedly, it helps that you are so insanely talented at baking. It’s no secret that Naib loves delicious food or desserts; but no one, including himself, could have foretold just how much he’d adore your baking. Even if you follow the same recipe as someone else, yours will always taste better.

Coming into his room after a lost match and seeing a small plate of cupcakes with a sheet of paper next to it: a drawing of you hugging him, and the text ”I believe in you! Cheer up.” Makes his stomach churn in a good way.

He just can’t get enough of you after a while. And before long, his cranky behavior returns, but no longer aimed at you. Instead, other survivors now find themselves walking on the metaphorical glass around him as seemingly anything can set him off in a rage.

If you’re not immediately saved when you’re chaired, or if no one body blocks, he will retaliate by either screaming at them after the match or straight up refusing to rescue them. If someone says anything even remotely negative about you or your performance, he will glare them down, whispering a threat about how they would regret it if they ever said something like that again near him, or God forbid, near you.

If someone else eats your baking, he takes that as a personal offense, and people quickly learn to stay away. It worries you. How people start avoiding you, nervously looking away when you meet their eyes. Rescuing and defending you no matter the hunter, as if there is something (or someone) scaring them even more than the hunter.

You complain about it to Naib one day, bringing him a chocolate chip cake as an apology for ranting. Have you done something wrong? Your teammates have started to avoid you.

And Naib gently feeds into this, slowly but surely making you keep your distance from the others as well.

He wants to make sure that no one else can hurt you. Hunters can hurt you during matches. Survivors who were kind can flip and become cruel.

Naib knows better than anyone how war or struggle changes people.

And he’ll be damned before he lets any of that get to you.

Just keep being as wonderful as you are, tell Naib your problems, and feed him your baking and he will be satisfied.

And should you start complaining about his overprotectiveness, he’ll gladly remind you that other survivors are staying away from you. He’s all you have, so you better keep him satisfied.

He loves you, but his heart has hardened so much that he’s forgetting how to actually show it.

All he can do is what he couldn’t do for his comrades in the army:

Keeping you safe. No matter the cost.

:✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

:✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

Violetta has always been... unusual. Even by the standards of the hunters.

As such, she is pretty isolated in the Hunters’ side of the manor.

Her highlights of her stay is the days she gets to play with the adorable little survivors, and attempt to wrap them up in her pretty silk threads like dolls.

Of course, they never like it, sadly enough, and always try to run away from her.

Yes, the point of the matches is for the survivors to escape, but why do they never want to have fun or play with her?

But then one match at the Red Church, that changed.

Violetta was stumbling around the map, looking for the Painter that had just wriggled loose and ran from her, annoyance clear in the way she moved.

She saw movement near a rocket chair and hurried over, ready to strike Edgar down, but stopped, one leg raised mid-air.

There you were: sitting casually, legs crossed on the grass in front of the chair, cipher behind you not decoded and forgotten.

In your hands was one of the small, white ragdolls that usually sat next to the chairs, and you were humming to yourself, using a pen you had with you to decorate it.

Now, the white doll had a pair of eyes and a wide smile: looking far more alive than before.

”That is so cute,” Violetta said, suppressing a giggle when you jumped, not having noticed her or your heightened heartbeat.

”Yeah! I thought she looked sad without a face,” you replied, giving Violetta a smile.

She sat down as gently as she could manage next to you, surprised as to why you weren’t running away. For a moment, she just sat there, watching you add ears and a nose to the doll. Then, you spoke up as if you’d just had a wonderful idea.

”Miss Violetta, you’re a great knitter, right? You must be, judging by how gorgeous your webs are. Do you think you’re able to make a little dress for the doll?” You asked.

Violetta swore that there was something wrong with her chest. Why did it feel... nice to talk to you? You weren’t running away in terror, despite being in a match, and you even praised her and asked her to help out!

Match forgotten, you sit and watch Violetta knit a dress for the doll, the two of you only remembering that you’re in a match when the airhorn signalling the pop of the last cipher rings out.

You thank Violetta for making such a nice and intricate dress for the doll, saying that it looks so much better now. She walks you to the gate, and you wave goodbye, promising to bring her a snack the next time you had a match with her.

This, of course, as you never knew your next hunter, led you to play many matches with baked goods in your pockets. Some cookies and pastries survived, but others were destroyed completely.

The next time you was up against Violetta, she looked almost shy, waiting for you in front of the very same doll the two of you had customized. As luck would have it, the map was the same one as last time you met up.

You cheerfully greet her as your teammates scurry off to decode, handing her a lightly smushed frosted cupcake. It had a tiny spider design in the center.

Bashfully, Violetta also handed you something in return — a soft scarf that felt like a caressing breeze when you ran your hand across it.

Needless to say, you wore the scarf almost always after that. It was warm, comfortable, and looked amazing.

Something stirred in Violetta, seeing you proudly wear her craft.

You began noticing flung spider webs stuck to the window of your room, bringing small gifts and notes.

Meeting between the mansions was difficult, so this was as close as you would get to talking between your far-off matches.

Until they weren’t far apart anymore.

You started being summoned to matches almost daily, always having an eager Violetta waiting for you.

If you told her you were too tired to talk and just wanted to decode, she would pout and sulk the whole game.

Seeing you getting along so nicely with your teammates made her feel something she thought she’d suppressed. The feeling of jealousy.

You were the first person in a long time to genuinely talk to her without fear, and seeing your care extended to other people made Violetta feel possessive.

Wouldn’t it be so much better if all your positivity and attention were focused on her? You must like her company back — why else would you wear what she made for you and talk to her?

Suddenly, instead of waiting for you in matches, Violetta would move with a speed never before seen, striking and cocooning your teammates as fast as she possibly could, batting your hand away when you tried rescuing them.

”We have more time to talk now! The loud siren won’t interrupt us anymore,” she’d say, grinning widely, wondering why you seemed to slowly shrink away from her.

Why were you starting to avoid her? After all she’s done for you, and created for you? She had even talked to the scary owner of the manor to let you meet more frequently.

That absolutely had to change. What was the point of having met you and felt happiness for the first time in so long if you were just going to disappear and leave her hurting?

You quickly realize and learn that if you just appease Violetta and keep her happy, you can often talk her out of ending your teammates. You could argue that if they left, it would just be the two of you, and you could snack on some cookies you had baked before!

And if you keep moving away, disappearing from her, looking at her with those sad eyes, she had a solution.

Wouldn’t you look just gorgeous wrapped in silky threads, smile never leaving your face?

Maybe the map could do with a new doll, if her hand was forced. :✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

:✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

Humanity is ugly. Kind one moment, only to turn around and stab you in the back (or sacrifice you into the depths of the ocean...)

When Grace appeared in the manor, she despised every moment of it. Matches were not even fun for her — striking down fleeing humans provided her with no joy or satisfaction.

And it was worse when the game was at Lakeside. Too many horrible memories kept resurfacing.

One such game, Grace was too mentally drained to even have a wish to try.

She simply floated out a bit into the sea, feeling the sea water lap at her shins, and the light of the full moon bathe her face.

Grace did not notice you, the survivor staring at her, slowly growing concerned.

From her looks and abilities, it was not far-fetched to assume she had ties to this map. Past trauma.

Not entirely sure how to approach her, you gently stepped onto the sandy beach, quietly using the wand you found in a chest to draw. Grains shifted, lines appearing, and when you slowly snuck off, you felt Grace’s eyes snap to you.

For a moment, the two of you just stared at each other. Then, you pointed to the beach with a soft smile.

In the sand was a crude, yet clear cartoonish drawing of the two of you hugging, with the words ”You are not alone” scrawled next to it.

It felt weird feeling salty water run down her cheeks instead of down her nose and throat.

The next time the two of you were in a match together, she looked hesitant and almost afraid to approach you — worrying that you’d run.

But you didn’t. Your teammates scattered, leaving you to contain the hunter, but you didn’t mind.

”Your name is Grace, right?” You asked softly, introducing yourself. You took a seat with your back to one of the walls in Arms Factory, motioning for her to sit next to you, which she did after a moment’s consideration.

It took a while for her to begin feeling comfortable and opening up, but slowly, she did.

You were not back in the manor until hours after the gates had opened, your teammates beside themselves with worry. You merely brushed them off, saying that you had something to talk about with Naiad.

She’d opened up to you about her past, and how difficult the time in the manor had been so far, glancing up at you every so often to see if you were rolling your eyes or dismissing her, but you weren’t. You merely listened, hummed, and offered sympathy as she talked, her webbed fingers nervously fiddling with her harpoon.

Something about the message you’d left in the sand had stuck in her mind, leaving her thinking about it for days afterwards.

And seeing how nice you were, maybe it wasn’t too difficult to open up?

Having a better understanding of Grace, you went out of your way to accompany her and let her rant if she needed when you were in a match.

You taught her how to draw, dipping your finger in the water spawning beneath her feet and painting on the flat walls of buildings, encouraging her and being there.

Grace didn’t know just how much she’d missed having a friend until you came along.

Slowly but surely, she began to feel better — and with this, utterly decimating your teammates in games with a previously unseen fervor. They would complain to you about how much worse you made her, but you’d disagree every time. There was now life in those dark, sad eyes of hers.

You taught Grace as much as you could about things humans did in their free time since she likely knew nothing after her passing, and remembered little from the time before.

Her favorite was combining two things you were good at; baking and drawing. You’d bring undecorated cupcakes to matches, as well as supplies to decorate them, and Grace would have the time of her life adding decorations on the tops of them. Small fish, a seastar, a heart. She was almost as giddy as a child when she piped the baked goods, uncaring about the frosting on the tip of her nose.

And she’d smile so sweetly when you complimented her.

Without either of you properly realizing it, she had become dependent on you. And, unfortunately for you, she was the first to notice this.

You brought things to fewer and fewer matches. It was not to be rude, but because you thought she’d gotten a lot better and you didn’t want to be too overbearing.

However, Grace did not see it from your perspective.

To her, this was you, just like everyone else, turning your back on her. Leaving her for dead.

The next match you had together, she’d beg you to always be by her side and never leave her. She needs you. Desperately. She has no other reason to continue on in the death games than to meet you. To hear your praise.

And when you gently try to let her down, saying that it’s impossible to always be with her due to the separation of the manors and games, she snaps.

With a look of frightening chill, the calm before the storm, she manipulates the water under her to encircle your head, depriving you of air.

When she deems it enough, when you feel black spots appearing in your field of vision, she removes the water before asking again, and she repeats this until you give her the answer she wants.

A small seashell on a necklace is placed around your neck as you gasp for oxygen, a matching one around Grace’s neck giving off a small green burst of light at the same time.

”Now, we are bound together,” she whispered, placing what was meant as a soft kiss on your cheek. Though, you felt the sting of salt and the coarseness of her parched lips and were yet again reminded of the unpredictability of the sea.

Grace’s voice almost sounded like it was underwater as she talked about how this was likened to a wedding ceremony in her village, and that with the help of the manor’s owner, magic had formed a stronger bond than just a promise.

You realize, all too late, that Grace was no longer a hurt, betrayed woman, but the personification of the sea itself.

Filled with both beauty and darkness.

:✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

[streamingcolors-gvf]

Hi darling! I just wanted to swing by and say that you do not deserve any of what you are dealing with right now in regards to this fandom.

Often times, people get nasty when they defend their friends, even if it’s wrong. From my experience, and i’ve been reading your work way before SD, I have never had an issue with your warnings. an /that/ specific warning, i knew what it was, but didn’t know the word for it, so i educated myself on it. it’s not that hard to click to google > put one word in > and read.

Now, i haven’t seen /all/ of what happened, and i don’t know what specific fic you were talking about of lucie’s. I stopped reading her stuff after everything with Noel because of how cruel lucie was towards me for asking Noel to have proper warnings in her fic. I don’t completely feel comfortable posting about it publicly, but if you would like to know, i’m a message away.

That also includes an ear from me if you want to talk.

(i wish i could post anonymously, but something had to be said at some point)

P.S. don’t let anyone else harass you off/out of this fandom. you deserve to love in your space comfortably.

Unfortunately, this entire thing has gone to an extreme it really didn’t need to go to.

So I’m gonna preface this now, I understand fully that a writer should defend their work. Their art. It takes time, energy and so much effort to create. Having people openly attack it, quite frankly, sucks.

But there is a more mature, and respectful way to address accusations someone may have about your work. My own perspective and my level of comfortability is not everyone else’s. I do my best to put the appropriate warnings on my fics, but I’m not perfect, and I may miss stuff. It just takes a message to be like “hey! I think you should add this warning.”

It doesn’t take away from my work to do that. Or if people find certain content of mine offensive, for me to edit/remove it so it’s more suitable for this community.

I share a public space with others. I’m not exempt of criticism. I always understood Lucie’s feelings on wanting to defend something she worked hard on, whether I was personally fond of certain parts of the fic in question or not.

It was the arrogant behavior, victim mentality and lashing out towards others. It was the take she had about SA — one that she doubled down on multiple times.

Her argument was not the same as mine. I’m not trying to be a hypocrite, but I apologize if it has come off that way. While she felt that she was not responsible for your feelings, and didn’t need to put trigger warnings because it’s “art”. I simply said, if there are warnings you don’t recognize, it’s not really my job to educate and describe what each one of those are. I’ve seen other writers use warnings I had to look up. It’s not difficult, and I would never accuse them of not informing me on the meaning themselves.

I only spoke openly about the use voice ai, because it was something that I simply didn’t agree with or want to participate in. And still don’t. I didn’t name her or anyone associated with her publicly, but they chose to target me out of the number of people that disagreed.

I did not coordinate or scheme to get Lucie “cancelled.” It was not some elaborate plan. Things that were said, were one so by every individual person on their on accord and the way she handled them, was her own doing. I was honest about my feelings to her directly when everything happened weeks ago, and she decided to not speak to me again and block me from her blog, which is fine and her right to do so.

If you don’t agree with me, that’s valid. You can unfollow me and choose not to read my content. I’ve also turned off my anons because I’m over dealing with this and I don’t know who are the ones sending the hateful messages.

If you feel like there’s an issue with my work, or a take that I’ve had, feel free to message me directly. And we can discuss it there. I know people are over seeing this on their feed, and frankly, so am I.

But I appreciate you reaching out, love ❤️

[fromtheboundlesssea]

I hardly think you of all people should be so against Rhaenyra simply because she refuses to accept the boundaries a woman has in Westerosi society when so many of your characters that are presented as hero’s do the same.

I’m not for either her or Alicent completely because I think both have points working for and against them. I’m also not a person who likes Dany.

I still try and understand these women as well as possible.

It’s just that you’ve proven yourself to only like women in ASOIAF who aren’t rebellious or even if they are rebellious, it’s simply them wanting to learn how to fight.

You can try and defend yourself but your entire feed is a testament to this.

We all know it wasn’t a good decision but Rhaenyra made a choice when she had very little agency over so many other things.

Is it really so wrong to not go down without a fight? To just accept her situation as it was with Laenor and give up? I’m pretty sure you won’t understand what I mean because you’re not really trying to see things from Rhaenyra’s perspective or even give her the benefit of doubt.

Your dislike of Dany is creeping in so maybe don’t complain about other people’s live for Dany creeping in. Hypocrisy isn’t a good look.

My issue is that Rhaenyra is not well written in HotD. Do not get me wrong, she is an interesting character, but she’s the one character that has suffered the most from the constant time skips. Alicent has had a character arc and we can actually see where her decisions and growth (or opposite of growth, which I don’t know the right word to use would be) comes from. Thus far, Rhaenyra hasn’t really had a consistent arc. I still haven’t had the chance to watch the newest episode.

I don’t only like the traditionally female characters in ASOIAF, I just enjoy writing them. And I won’t try to defend myself. You’ve made your opinion known and you have either followed me for a long time or you have glanced through my feed and made your opinion based on that. That’s fine.

Again, Rhaenyra has suffered the most from the multiple timeskips so her character choices feel disjointed. And the show focuses WAY too much about telling us things instead of showing us.

I think we should have had one more episode with the younger characters so we could see how Harwin and Rhaenyra got together. So we can see her and Laenor dealing with “their first child” not looking like either of them. So we can see more of the aftermath of the wedding and how Criston kept his white cloak. How Rhaenyra entered more into her mature nature. This would be like if GoT went from the Season 1 finale to opening up with the first episode of Seaon 8.

You can block me so you don’t have to be bothered by my thoughts and opinions.

However, whether we like it or not, Dæny is connected to this series because HBO used her as their main promotional figure in the series and it’s most likely because of that we got this show. I am merely pointing out that HBO probably didn’t go with the Long Night series because the Targaryen fans are more vocal (which isn’t a bad thing).

Again, you have no obligation to interact with me or see my posts. Feel free to block me.

[futureotstudent]

UKZN OT Curriculum: A guide to becoming a switched-on community therapist.

Click, clack, click, clack…a familiar sound that can be heard in some scattered South African OT departments. Can you imagine your occupational therapist transferring you from your wheelchair to a plinth with heels on?! It would be unfair to generalize by saying this is a common South African occurrence, but there are those stand-alone cases. The very cases we are trained to identify, challenge, and hopefully not add to those unrecorded stats. Critical thinking. This concept is taught within the UKZN OT curriculum and trains us to not practice with blinkers on but to actively question, analyse, reason, articulate, and justify every action and decision (Papastephanou and Angeli, 2007). UKZN OT curriculum as a whole applies to more than just identifying injustices, this informs the dynamic and holistic practitioners we will grow into very shortly.

There are points within this degree that a student may feel ill-equipped, we need to consider the different learning styles and their effects on learning outcomes (Cimermanová, 2018). As a practical learner, I often find myself entering a practical block feeling inadequately prepared, but as the days and weeks go by, I find myself digging into that storage cabinet at the back of my head and pulling out the information and tools that I have already been equipped with. Despite moments of uncertainty, it all begins to pull together and makes sense. If I look at the curriculum in retrospect, I now start to see how it trains us to be holistic and adaptive. Perhaps this con is a temporary con, experienced for a short period until we see the bigger picture and it is then transformed into a pro. If we reconsider the different learning styles, perhaps the current structure of the curriculum is the only feasible and realistic structure that will produce holistic and adequately competent OTs.

A con I have experienced is that differing placement sites for practicals provide different exposure and experiences. Due to the random selection of placement sites, your experience may be diverse, ranging from acute to chronic and to differing diagnoses. In my case I got to experience many chronic cases due to my placements, this allowed for ample time for practice and implement theory learned vs. another friend in my community group who had a range of acute and chronic placements. This allowed her to work with conditions and diagnoses that I have not yet put into practice, as well as taught her the skill to rapidly assess and formulate a treatment plan this is needed in community practice as the people you see daily filter through and may not be seen again.

The large workload within this curriculum may also be considered a con. Whilst each topic builds onto the next it is important to highlight just how rapidly learning happens. It is also important to understand that for some learners it takes additional time to retain the information taught (Farley et al., 2013). It is then easy to slip into falling behind or get lost whilst still trying to catch up with the heavy workload.

Another con that came to mind is the different supervision styles that come along with different supervisors. Despite the academic expectations being standard at the start of each block I find myself adjusting to the different ways each supervisor prefers expectations being met. This feeds into a pro of the curriculum. With different supervisors come different perspectives and guidance. The differing feedback allows for professional growth (Fong et al., 2018).

The impact of COVID-19 on our learning of this curriculum cannot be overlooked. In 1st year we do an amazing community module that gives us insights into our communities and related socioeconomic factors. However, our 1st year entailed online learning. This resulted in us having an unsteady community foundation that may result in us being ill-prepared for community practice in 4th year.

The biggest pro of this curriculum is that the learning methods are relevant and enable the meeting of module objectives, such as the community module. For example, working within the community allows us to learn concepts and lessons from case-based experiences, and collaboration within the MDT at CMC at a PHC level, this helps prepare us for our future professional lives when working with the MDT and understanding each team member's scope of practice and how we fit in.

Our country has a lack of resources. On one end of the scale is the fact that some of the clinics and hospitals we are placed at may have adequate resources, whereas, on the other end, our communities are not as well-resourced. This teaches us to become flexible, adaptive, and innovative. This trains us to work with the resources we have and this prepares us for whatever we may be faced with within the PHC sector next year during community service.

In terms of the structure of the curriculum, my opinion is split. There is a logical progression of topics that feed into each other. However, the 2nd and 3rd year of our degree is separated into two blocks- psychosocial and physical. This helps break down learning to help us understand but it also may cause learning to happen in a compartmentalized manner. This may be a con as community and treatment within the PHC level like any other OT intervention and assessment requires a holistic view and those invisible partitions to be broken down.  

Group work is a pro intertwined into this degree and allows for peer learning. Within a group, we are exposed to people who are different from us in terms of religions, beliefs, cultures, values, and socioeconomic factors, such as family, financial background, etc. This is an important learning environment that opens our minds and understanding to a world broader than our experience of it.

Despite some of the cons identified, I think that the UKZN OT curriculum is perfectly set out to prepare us for community practice and the provision of PHC. Agreeably some factors, such as COVID-19 and random selection into similar placements are inevitable, other factors work together to prepare us to be the amazing OTs that lace up their sneakers and get down to work. A lesson learned over the past 3 years is to trust the process. As the blocks go by and practice is gained everything comes together and starts to make perfect sense. We have what it takes to be the switched-on community OTs we need to be.

The following link directs you to the outline of the UKZN OT curriculum: https://ot.ukzn.ac.za/undergraduate-programmes/

References

Cimermanová, I. (2018). The Effect of Learning Styles on Academic Achievement in Different Forms of Teaching. International Journal of Instruction, 11(3), 219–232. https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ1183439

Farley , J., Risko , E., & Kingstone , A. (2013). Everyday attention and lecture retention: the effects of time, fidgeting, and mind wandering. Frontiers, 4.

Fong, C. J., Schallert, D. L., Williams, K. M., Williamson, Z. H., Warner, J. R., Lin, S., & Kim, Y. W. (2018). When feedback signals failure but offers hope for improvement: A process model of constructive criticism. Thinking Skills and Creativity, 30, 42–53. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tsc.2018.02.014 Papastephanou, M., & Angeli, C. (2007). Critical Thinking Beyond Skill. Educational Philosophy and Theory, 39(6), 604–621. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1469-5812.2007.00311.x

[rjtempest9900]

Ideas for a new animation and why this one hasn’t worked.

The idea I have at the moment hasn’t been planning out as well as I’d like it too due to,

1. The people who I’m in contact with are over seas and are very busy with their own lives.

2. Questions haven’t been answered so I’m falling behind with all my academic work due to being flustered with needing the information I’m not able to collect.

3. General topic and change of animation methods aren’t suited to me due to mental health issues and travel.

So, in my eyes yet again I’m going to have to change the idea of my animation to something completely different. something a little more lighthearted maybe or to still concentrate on mental health issues? The idea of having artist block isn’t great to me at the moment but I think that’s due to me panicking about not getting things done and having a schedule to run from, so this is definitely why I’m pondering new ideas and thinking of another way around my dilemma.

First idea I have come up with – Depression demon. Everybody knows about depression either through personal experience or through a friend/ family member who is going through it. So, my first idea is from a personal point of view but told form the 3rd person perspective.

It’s what I can imagine my depression ‘monster’ looking like if it could manifest into a physical form, this monster is the part of you that hides your true emotions from the outside world therefore always hiding your true expressions from the ones you love and those who care about you. This creature is like a leech only it emerges from inside the body and attaches itself to you like a led weight being carried around and feeds off your negative emotions making you feel them to the full extent.

For the basis of this animation, it’ll be based around a woman who suffers with depression and everyday her ‘monster’ of depression chooses the mask she has to wear which are all in a cupboard labeled with each day of the week, hiding any sense of her original and true emotions she will go and see her friends or go to university with a mask hiding her true self underneath. until one day she’s had enough and goes and talks to a doctor, which in turn enables her to cope with the depression which leads her to burn all the masks, hence she burned the masks of which the said monster used to suppress her to what she had become rather than who she is letting her live a life she’s always wanted to have leading to her happiness and achieving all her goals.

Second idea- Joseph’s little moment of joy and lifelong dream. Alone, no one likes being alone, in a world made for people to live with others loneliness is a hard hitter when it comes to the younger generations between the ages of 16-26. This idea came from thinking of different types of trade workers and how it can be lonely in certain types of trades for example lighthouse keepers tend to be alone all the time due to the situation of the job. This became an idea for an animation on loneliness and depression.

The animation will be about a 25-year-old man named Joseph, who works in a lighthouse in the south of England. The year is 1809 before the automatic lighthouses had been brought into society these had to be manually lit with whale oil or paraffin which was a lot of work for the keeper up and down the long spiral staircase to get the oil and bring it back up to fill the reservoir for the light to shine bright enough for the safe passing of boats. It’s the same routine each day for him, wake up, make food and eat, go down the spiral stairs, get the oil for the light, go back up the spiral stairs, fill the reservoir, polish the glass of the lighthouse, cook and eat dinner, go down the spiral staircase, get the oil, go back up the spiral staircase, fill the reservoir again, log the days activities and then bed time. The same old routine each day everyday for the rest of his life, Joseph lost his wife and child due to Tuberculosis which sent him in to a downward spiral of depression hence why he got the job as a lighthouse keeper so he could concentrate on that and himself and he could get away from the harsh reality back at his homestead. Until one day his routine changes and he finally has something that makes him feel better about his life, he’s always been a massive fan of a big ship named the Percival which is a big Brigadier built in the 1780s manned by a massive crew, Joseph had always had a fascination with this beautiful vessel ever since he was just a wee nipper himself, it had survived many encounters with the French naval ships which where often targets of the English vessels due to the napoleonic wars happening between the English and French. As Joseph had been at sea in the lighthouse for around 6 months now and had been told that the relief for him to go for his 2-week break had been postponed due to harsh weather it was getting really tough for him as he knew he maybe in the lighthouse for many more months on his own due to this situation, the change of witnessing this wonderful ship that he’s been wanting to see since a child really made him think of what he misses the most but yet again of how it can be the little things in life that change how you feel about life.

This is the central message for this animation little things in life can make the biggest impact on your mental health no matter the situation.

What do I think? I’m leaning more toward doing my lighthouse idea as it would be really nice to see this in the stop motion style, I can really show my passion for the media. Not only do I love ships to, but I can resonate with how loneliness can be a massive pain for anyone suffering with depression as I have gone through this myself during my first year of university on my undergraduate degree, I had to concentrate on something else to keep my mind off what was happening around me so I put my feelings and thoughts away to concentrate on my degree which in the end got me a 2:2 overall but without doing what I did to keep myself afloat I wouldn’t have gotten my degree at all. This is the same for Joseph, if he just sat and got in his head about what had happened at home he would’ve ended up in a worse place and would’ve never had the opportunity to see this magnificent vessel and complete his life’s dream.

[starlillyanne]

Research

This article is just talking about how our therapy can help patients with mental struggles, especially after the pandemic.  How we as a community have struggled to be near people or being in our studios. Also saying how artists are kind of messed up by the pandemic because they struggle with creativity because some people feed off of other people's creativity and bounce ideas off but since we had to be alone during the pandemic it was hard for us to even bounce creativity of so we work with art therapist so that we can maybe bring some more art back into our world.

This article briefly discusses the relationship between art and mental health. Art can be defined as any means for the expression of individual and social values through concrete and artistic activities and processes. It also says that art can be in many different forms like music painting drawing creating and everything in between. The positive impact that art has on our psyche gives us different techniques and how to use it. It's all article also discusses how the Art and Psyche Festival was to develop an artistic visual exhibition on the campus of a psychiatric hospital to invite every citizen to come to and experience its environment with the aim of challenging some traditional stigmatized beliefs about mental illness and psychiatric hospitals.

The article just explains the benefits and the effects of creating art for yourself. How it can make you happy, less stressed, and less depressed.  Art has an incredible way of connecting the world and allowing us to express ourselves, because of these feel-good effects, art is a powerful tool for self-care and mental health. How art can be a form of self-care. Mindful art, people can simply start creating or choose a piece of art as inspiration for their own creation. Block out the other thoughts and distractions in your life and give yourself a set amount of time to make art or enjoy it.

This article just explains how it is mindful to go and create when there are also depictions of what it is like to try to reach out to a loved one living with depression, and what it is like to feel like you’ve failed. It was an intense exhibit, yet there was still an air of hope in each piece. By telling a narrative through art, perhaps the artists hope that their audiences will take their work as a motivating story. There are some of the people we encounter every day are living in silence, often without a support network or access to adequate resources and treatment.

This article discusses how participating in the arts can enable people to deal with a wide range of mental-ill conditions and emotional distress. Art has also been linked to improved memory, reasoning, and resilience in aging adults. Studies have shown that expression through art can help people with depression, anxiety, and stress. We often catch ourselves slowing down, being more patient, Art helps us in slowing down our mind, get out of other distractions, and focus more on the work.  This slowing down process creates a sense of calmness in one and also connects with oneself more, provides a grounding, and less anxious.

[indigo474]

Saturday- new moon? MAY 20

I'm not sure when the new moon is? maybe yesterday- they say you can feel astronomical events for 3 days either way. I was wondering why i was emotional the past few days-and horny- i got my period.. they great news is NO ANXIETY.. NONE! thank you baby Jesus. thank you. i'll take crying down by the river over crippling anxiety anytime. recovery is possible. hoping to never feel anxious again.. speaking of horny i was wishing i had someone to call to come over and fuck me. i could seriously use a friend like that.

I went and looked at a condo today. Anything is better than the apartment i'm in. Nice place-but not crazy about the location and basically an apartment complex.. so NO-- Mads and i both agree we like where we live.. but i'm thinking i may have to move out of this town. if my Mom can move from the town she lived in for 60+ years i can move out of the down i've lived in for over 20. I don't really want to. hoping and praying something good happens and i can find something i love. funny i was texting Mads and she tells me things like this take time. I probably should have started looking a while ago BUT i was waiting to find out about my divorce settlement so.. here i am. MAds is on her way home. she sounds like crap. she's been saying all week she has allergies.. she;s never had allergies.. i think she's actually sick. she asked if she could have a bearded dragon.. no, you can not.

I ran today and it felt good-great-in the rain. i started taking a vitamin that is suppose to be good for joints. ive taken it before. I wonder if my joints hurting is hormonal. I've read things about joint pain and peri menopause. i try not to read much on the topic because its ALL negative. I don't want to feed my head with negative thoughts about something my body is going to go through regardless. compared to 2-3 years ago i actually feel better- i'm sure that is due to a lot of things-

i had a horrible call last night- there are times when i really can't stand people. I try my best to see things from other's perspectives. this lady was nasty to me - cursing- because she didn't get her oil delivery- she wasn't out of oil. she didnt get her delivery because 1. she didnt pay her bill. 2. we went to deliver and there was something blocking the driver from being able to deliver. I asked her is she had a gate.. NO. i googled her house and she has a great big driveway and the fill for her tank is kind of near her driveway. I ask if anything was in her driveway maybe preventing the driver from making the delivery- she says NO, but goes on about how if a car was in the driveway the driver could have knocked on her door and on and on she went. she expected a driver to delivery 830 at night- not gonna happen. she was so nasty. i tell her we are in the oil business- we want to delivery oil to people- the driver couldn't. she hung up on me. why are you screaming at me? she called back at 9 demanding to speak to someone in delivery- no one is in delivery. she hung up on me again. nasty nasty woman.

I work tomorrow- i want to get to the gym to lift. i'd like to run tooooo... james freaked out when i told him i had rita's water ice.. On a weekday he says.. what? it was sugar free. you eat sugar free water ice- yes- is it good- not as good as the water ice with sugar in it. geeze.

i pray i make the right decisions.. i want to do good for myself and mads. i just want to do good.

[semper-legens]

55. Small Angels, by Lauren Owen

Owned: No, library Page count: 463 My summary: Chloe’s wedding is going to be perfect. Just her and her man (and their families, of course) in a quaint little church nestled in the woods by the village where he grew up. But there’s strange things afoot in the church of Small Angels. The villagers don’t talk about it, mutter grim tidings. Her fiancé is evasive about what he knows. And Mockbeggar Woods whispers in the night. Something is stirring, something once-buried. And it’s coming for her... My rating: 3.5/5 My commentary:

This one, I picked up entirely on a whim. I love a ghost story, and the title and premise of this book were intriguing enough to me that I felt I should check it out. While in general I'm not so much a fan of works set in contemporary reality (ghosts notwithstanding), I will always make exceptions if there are some other personal draws, such as genres that I like or elements I otherwise enjoy in fiction. This was...perfectly fine for what it is, but I don't expect that I'll remember much about it in a month's time. That kind of book, you know?

The point of view switches between a few characters. We have Chloe, the young bride who hired Small Angels, Kate, her sister-in-law with her own connection to the woods and their more recent history, and Lucia, a traumatised young woman who knows offhand just how dangerous the Mockbeggar woods can be. Their differing knowledge about the situation makes for some intrigue - Chloe is an outsider, Kate grew up here but has significant blocks in her memory, and Lucia is the most clued-in to what's happening in Mockbeggar past and present. Each character brings their own personal perspective. Chloe's almost aware of her Final Girl-type status, Kate is furiously trying to work things out and cling onto her relationship with Lucia (yay, another book with surprise lesbians!), and Lucia is trying her best to make up for past mistakes. Despite being three characters very similar in demographics to one another, I never felt that their perspectives were too samey, which is always a plus.

One thing I really dug about this book was its emphasis on the storytelling tradition. The girls go out and tell tales to the trees, both fictional stories of their own imagining and the real story of the ghost their family wronged. The emphasis is on changing the story, as Lucia Gonne wishes to change the tragic story her family has been caught up in rather than just rehashing and reliving it over and over again to no change. Rather than being prisoners of the past, Lucia wants to help Harry's ghost as best she can. I like the idea of changing the story, of fashioning a new ending for yourself amidst the trauma of the past and letting go a pain that your family have been holding for generations. I do wish we'd seen more of Mockbeggar in all this, though. The idea that the woods are feeding on stories to the point where they manifest elements of those stories is really cool and interesting, and I wish that the novel had explored that a bit more outside of Harry's particular haunting.

The prose here was somewhat purple in hue - I personally have a high tolerance for overly florid language (er, obviously) but I'll admit it's of the sort that might turn someone off if they prefer things to be a little more straightforward. The pace, too, was slow. Not so slow that I got bored reading, but it seemed to take a long time for the plot to meander to its next point, and I can imagine how that might be frustrating for someone who doesn't read as ridiculously fast as I do. On the whole I didn't think it was badly paced, it just could have used a bit of tightening here and there.

Next up, a woman attempts to escape slavery.

[rauhauser]

Facets of Reality

The country has changed a lot since I first got involved in a sense-making operation almost fourteen years ago. I publicly mentioned “retirement” in late 2020, and was thinking with Biden’s election I’d wind up operations and go do something with money in it. The target date was the anniversary of that first project, roughly St. Patrick’s day of 2021. As you may recall, a few things have happened since then.

Besides the lack of funding on the left for the sort of work I do another strong motivator was the steady encroachment of algorithms into human affairs. I deleted my Facebook account a decade ago, I relentlessly identify and block the various consumer behavior profiling services, and I otherwise resist tracking. Even so, when I sit down to read with my Kindle the lock screen will have an ad for a product related to whatever my most recent searches have been. China has been cramming every bit of text they can find into AI projects, they’ve got swarms of socks mapping LinkedIn, and on Twitter I’ve had a couple encounters with things that must have been algorithm driven faux humans.

I recently opened @AmericanHacker back up to expanding its audience and after just a week or so of “follow back” I don’t think it’s a good idea. The quality of information I see from that facet plunged, while emotional hot buttons skyrocketed. That account is corralled in a virtual machine, it’s not on very often, but the fact that it exists at all kinda gets on my nerves.

Being aware of the problem, my situational awareness methods have evolved. I have a sort of “cube” construct I’m using, with each of six facets providing views into the ever shifting mass of causes and conditions we refer to as objective reality. My goals in this are a high signal to noise ratio, a linear flow of time, and the ability to quickly “rotate” the cube to whichever perspective I need in the moment.

Facets I am using are ...

Twitter is just nasty. I have a fourteen year old account that has no followers and no friends. The only thing it does is host a Tweetdeck setup. I have decks for various topics, they contain searches for clusters of names, and I only look at English results from verified accounts. I don’t see trends and they don’t get to insert random stuff into what I see.

Inoreader gives me a Tweetdeck like view into RSS feeds. It’s a flexible, programmable system, and I don’t use it to anywhere near its potential. But it puts everything I want to see in one place without any advertising or other distractions allowed.

Open Semantic Search is a search engine that you control. I use their virtual machine appliance, creating a VirtualBox Linked Clone for each area. There are a lot of document caches out there – 6300 pages for the Mueller Report and supporting FBI FD-302s, 1900+ pages for Zoe Lofgren’s Congressional Capitol Siege social media report, and the Trump campaign’s income/expense report was released as a single ginormous 211,825 page PDF.

Visualization is an absolute must, there’s just too much of everything no matter where you look, we’re drowning in data. So I have Maltego as my go-to link analysis tool, and after ten years of using the commercial version there are 1,700 graphs in my Maltego instance of OSS. MAGA world has been such a shitstorm I started keeping a graph on it two years ago. Today that graph has almost a thousand URLs in it and 2,808 names, which makes it unwieldly on a twelve core Xeon. I’ve taken to pulling out pieces of it to update, saving them as date stamped files, and then letting OSS handle the complexity of finding things.

Books have come fast and thick thanks to the MAGA corruption wave. I was hobbled by Lyme and post-Lyme troubles since 2007, but that started to improve at the start of 2019, and I got my brain back in early May of 2022, just in time for things to go completely out of control. I’ve already published a recommended reading list, but Denver Riggleman’s The Breach is NOT on it. That’s not a statement on the books quality, it’s that it’s a new arrival and for me it’s a source of narrative for all the data I hold. I read just a little bit, then set it aside, because when I do read it I’ll have a notebook close at hand, so I can compare his findings to mine.

The final facet are the various chat rooms that I frequent. I used to spend a lot of time with grassroots groups but that’s been steadily declining since 2020. It’s better for me to focus on data/process, and leave the mingling to those who are able to do so without causing a stir.

[cosmicangel888]

When You Love Yourself ~ Better Choices & Simplicity 3D - 5D Release the Drama

If you love yourself, not ego love, but deep soulful love, that comes with doing the inner work; when you know of your worthiness to take yourself out of ego drama, gossip, targeted complaining, mind games, emotional games; all are done to 'feed energetically' what has not been found with Spirit of spirit within -

Awakening is our ability to grow in such and release the need to cycle and circle in such drama and pain, suffering - Spirit will block, stop, and turn the energies of such back to those that need the deepest lessons; the turning of such energies toward the innocent, the endless efforts for peace with those that just want drama is over and such spirit will the player in these games - the innocent, the light workers will move on from such.

Spirit will show you a better life. It is up to each to seek, ask, reflect, observe; you can set boundaries, vibrational, emotional, physical blocks and intentions to send back all energies, intentions, projections, games, and spirit will stop before it starts by doing what spirit do - all deserve peace.

When someone has not been there in evidence to show for helping you in your work, in your inspirations, with no contribution and yet want to do all they can to take from you when you have small and grand wins; opportunities for you are not for all - and spirit will assure those that are not meant to eat with you will not eat with you - so be humble in your interactions and pure in your heart - not all are able to walk your path and be in your intimate circles - the inner work must be done - it is not about judgment or ego -

Why Daily Self Reflection of Loving Yourself is So Key - Know Thyself and know it is important to OWN your uniqueness and be ok with others not getting it, not being ok with your new found level of self love and self care; boundaries are key!

As you expand, your aura changes,

As you clear, cleanse, become more honouring in your loving intention with spirit, your fields, your chakras and your needs will drastically change - your environment, your home, your space, the care and nourishment of your space is required and let no one make you feel as if you have to fight, or be in defence of being treated and expressing yourself as 'selfish or unreasonable' -

Narcissists ache to return any level of self knowing, self love onto a blame and shame game, to find weakness and trigger points - strange but true - the psychological games and manipulations done can be harmful unless you are standing fully in your own story, vibration, truth, sense of self - and you are not taken down by the outer - a new inner realm is necessary and why moving away, getting out is required to heal, to rebuild, and see life from a balanced and healthy perspective - such environments may be 'normal' for some, but daily energetic drama, and emotional games are not normal to healthy living, and it causes and wrecks havoc on the cells and the inner realm so harshly and is absolutely not necessary - these are such crimes of the soul and how such wounded beings use tactics to keep you bound to dysfunction through guilt, games of pitting family against the other, and triangulation, deceit, illusions of smoke and mirrors - making problems where there is none so that the focus of their malice is never truly figured out -

All is healable - but all must take accountability for their energy, their intentions, their bodies, and choose from a place of self love first and the universe will follow - Choose self love!

All must look within, and regardless of how hard one may try to never look within, or negate others emotions or feelings, or needs; spirit will assure that each have their time to do such inner work; this is the tower moment in which what was denied and pushed aside as soulful growth will occur - and spirit is the writer of this in all peoples lives; make no mistake about that. © 

Raising the bar for our communities, our own bodies, our world, our nature and our futures begins within - always - never skapegoat another for what is your greatest gifts; going within and finding who you truly are and what you are made of; who are you? this is your job and your job only - your life is your choice, your voice, your story - not the choices of another - all is your own making - so how may you make this anew - know there will be a way shown if you love yourself to want and deserve peace, love, joy, and creative freedom! this is spirit and the alliance with light!© 

ask daily - do I love myself, do I respect myself, emotionally, mentally and physically and are my words, actions, intentions matching such

do those around me love me, do others show in actions, words, intention of such - am I honoured, valued, and my right for spiritual, emotional and mental or physical care in alignment with my higher path of self love and self nourishment

In asking and reflecting upon such; the evidence will be clear - tune in to how you feel - you already know your answers!

The Profundity of your changing and uplifting energy requires new attention, new inner work, new inner salvation to protect and nourish, and feed, and expand within - you have outgrown the land, pot, the environment of dysfunction - know when to walk on for your own healing, and energetic expansion.

Moving on, setting clear and precise boundaries is about assuring your energy and knowing of your rare and precious gifts are not compromised further - the games have gone on, the attempts of peace and working out in a fair and balanced manner have been offered over years -

my energy is precious and my gifts are profound, and the gamers have literally taxed and wasted so much of my time, wisdoms, and energy on such unnecessary selfish games, tactics; enough is enough and all will be closed for such of impure hearts for their lessons to be blatant as their deeds. It is the way the universe works - energy is energy - what is the intention of each moment and what will be before you - that is Creation and God of the most high in a story of a new human becoming -

You have human rights, you have spiritual rights; so seek, ask, research your rights to be protected and held in loving safety from the games that others want to pull when you begin to feel good, feel healed; none deserve to be held in dysfunctionally stagnant and held in emotional, mental toxicity - let go, know you are changed, and move on.© 

Drop what is not yours; those that work within sneaky energy, shady ways, causing the drama and darkness then expect and feel entitled for others to fix it, rebalance it, and you have every right to stop, block, and let go of all threads - of those that simply belittle and disrespect your sacred heart.

Eons of negative energetic cycles, galactic, planetary collective energies that press energies to control and thwart outcomes, such community negligence will be shifted by the light each carry, by the standing in power of each person not willing to be abused; small or minor or profound ways; mental, energetic, manipulation with resources, and information is still negligence; taking of someones work, energy, and emotions, games of such is still dysfunction and all have the right to live in peace with guilt or bullying of out-dated timelines, roles, conformity to normalization of abuse and aggression of human life.

Misogyny, subjugation, misrepresentation of your energy, environment, resources, name and gifts, skills; some truly do such with intent to make themselves feel better; this is deep lack of sense of self that need healing and such narcotic relationships and circles can be healed - step beyond and walk away - every person has the right to heal and do what is mentally, emotionally, vibrationally in their highest and best - what your children see, know, feel, sense will see it and feel it; set the new example of what a home truly means and feels like.

None should sacrifice themselves, their light, their stability and sanity to the games of the dysfunctional and toxic - all must level up and move on out of drama, chaos, complexity, allow those to feel the pain of those walking away from what does not nourish - it is a lesson of self love; all must see it, feel it, from whatever perspective is needed to 'go within' and sort out why there is need of such painful attention, in the harming of others through such games, taking, and taking advantage of - if you love yourself, you will take yourself out of the environments that create such Webbs of invalid and belittlement; what message do you send your children in your living of everyday life?

All will be seen for who they are by the actions and the energy they create - each have free will to walk away and be peaceful and new!

Set the new standards for our homes, communities and see what is before you - the illusions, smoke and mirrors, games of falsities and ill will that the unhealed sit within - Spirit will lift and show the world who is who - for the lessons of what will be known, needed, created of the purity of heart - for all era's require the tongue of spirit in new ways - none write such for humanity but the hearts of good will and common honour for all life - this is law; align or not, that is law.

The innocent will no longer be denied of their equal right for peace and gentle living - peace is; let go and allow.© 

It is all personal choice and everyone has their right, their free will to begin again and anew; Spirit will support - heal your wounds so it does not become anothers' - all have the right to evolve without bullying, blocking, stalking, interference - Spirit will block - those awake are paving the way for the ease of ascension for all -

Most have no idea the work, the transmutation that light workers do for such beings and all life upon earth - a conduit, an empath, crystal children feel it all & we are here to embrace and uplift all of humanity.

This is our new reality of multi-dimensional living - all deserve the right to live in peace and health.

Go within and focus on your own life, get right with your own life, leave and allow others their path - co-dependence, is not inter-dependence - heal thy wounds!

This is the most loving act one can take - self love, self honour, self respect and your choices and vibrations will be of such - actions, words, intentions, energy of others will be shown; all is for the purpose of the highest lessons that each need - allow spirit to handle such - no need for crime, just go within and heal - all is abundance and all in loving peaceful care - it will be shown.

Blessings and grace,

Dream, imagine, sing, dance, create and know you are loved!

Joanna

#ascension

#healingfromneglect

#healinghumanity

#healingdysfunction

#healingourchildren

#enlightenment

#awakening

#selflove

[collectionofcherries]

☕ Morning Coffee ☕ Malcolm Reynolds

So everyone seemed to enjoy my Morning Coffee imagine with Hannibal Lecter so I thought I’d do one with Malcolm Reynolds. In synopsis Morning Coffee is a simple concept, it follows your morning to the start of your cup to the end of it. Hope you enjoy! ---

written in the mind-frame of a Female!Reader but there are no pronouns mentioned nor gender specific anatomical body parts.  Warnings: None, fluff, my attempt at humour. Word Count: 1,812 ---

Malcolm Reynolds

   Dinosaurs in space. You suppose you've dreamed of weirder but when a T-Rex in a spacesuit came at you you'd decided it was time to wake up and stay up. So here you were now, feet kicked up on the dashboard beside the plastic mini monstrosity that had decided to terrorize you. You hadn't questioned the little knick-knacks when you'd agreed to pilot this Firefly, there were a number of things you hadn't questioned like the fact there was some interesting to say in the least patchwork on this chair, patchwork that might've hinted to what kind of nightmare had actually happened here. But there was a sadness around the cockpit and no matter your curiosity you knew it was best to not ask. Plus Zoe scared you a little bit too much to ask, she already didn't seem to like you as a pilot as nothing you did seemed to impress her and Gorram had you tried to impress her to get on some good footing but so far it seemed like you were on your knees. “Do you even have teeth?” You wondered out loud.    You leaned forward and for the first time actually touched the hard plastic figurine to inspect it, it was worn down and the paint flecked off of it and as for the teeth your nightmares told you to be afraid of? Fused together. This T-rex couldn't have eaten you if it wanted too, couldn't even take off a toe. You stretched your arm out and the picture of a dinosaur in space was kind of funny especially as your tired eyes focused on the T-rex and the space behind it became blurry. “Ya, having fun?”    If this chair wasn't attached to the ground you're sure you would've taken it with you to the ground but with the limited amount of motion you just managed to flail like an idiot in front of the Captain. “It fell. I wasn't touching it.” You let out.    You felt caught, like a child with their hand in their parents wallet. A small chuckle let you know however that you weren't. “It's fine, space is yours now anyhow.” He shrugged.    The words didn't have any malice but they didn't feel honest and even if they were you'd never throw out these toys. You got ahold of yourself and put the T-Rex back near its Stegosaurus friend before looking over at Mal and to your surprise he had two cups in his hands. “Double fisting some caffeine?” You teased.    “Funny.” He remarked as he came over and offered a cup out to you. "Saw you was up, figured you'd want a cup.”    “Oh.” That was awful nice, wow. “Thank you.” You said taking it.    You expected him to leave since that's what everyone does, you'd pretty much had the cockpit to yourself since you'd signed onto the crew but instead he went over to the other seat and sat down with a sigh. He leaned back into the seat and the way he stared around at his ship was with contentment, free hand giving the arm of the chair a pat. There had always been something sort of heartwarming about the way Mal treated the ship, it was almost like he was giving her moral support and you'd be damned if there hadn't been times where it'd felt like that really was the only thing holding her together. “What? I got something in my hair?”     You were brought out of your thought. “Huh?”    “You were starin’.” He let you know.    “Was not.” You insisted, heart pumping at the idea of being caught gawking.    “Your eyes just stuck?” He teased.    “I was...” You paused and you swore steam was about to come out of your ears you were thinking so hard to come up with something plausible. Shit, shit, shit--maybe? No--Got it! “I was just making sure I wasn't dreaming, don't usually have anyone up here with me.”    Got it? Really? You got nothing. You couldn't even smile at your own garbage excuse as all you got with a small shrug and nod from Mal before he looked away from you. Was it possible to dig yourself a hole while in space? It seemed like against all odds it was. You took a deep breath and focused yourself on the coffee in your hand, you couldn't say anything dumb if your mouth was full so you took a sip. The warmth helped to eat away your nerves and the taste distracted your mind. “I get it right? I've seen you have coffee once and I tried to replicate the way you desecrate it with sugar.” He joked.    “One, ouch. Two, sugar brings out the notes in coffee. And three, yes you got it spot on, shiny.” You admitted almost defeatedly at the end.    “That might pass as a reason for that much sugar if this was actual coffee, the only notes in instant is dirt.” He jokingly scoffed.    “I'm a pilot, I don't like dirt. Gotta drown out that taste somehow.” You joined in teasing yourself.    It earned you a smile that you couldn't help but to return. Mal's smile was weathered but Gorram if it wasn't contagious. This time however you made sure not to stare too long and got yourself to look out the front instead at the stars that the ship swam through. “Anything worrying gotcha up?” He asked.    It was nice to him to check, as far as Captains you've piloted for so far Mal had been the most caring, still rough around the edges but it wasn't all he was made of unlike some of the Fèihuà Captains you'd crewed with. “Dinosaurs.” You admitted sheepishly.    “Dinosaurs?” He checked.    “Dinosaurs in space.” You clarified as if that made it make more sense.    “Suppose I've heard weirder before.” He shrugged with a chuckle. “’Least with you it ain't some kind of poetry I gotta unwind.” He remarked.    You knew he was talking about River, sometimes what she said was easy to understand and other times it felt like you were trying to solve the Da Vinci Code. “You don't know that, I could be talking metaphorically about the ancient dangers of space.” You tease.    He chuckled as he looked over at you, eyes crinkling at the corners with joy that some might consider unnatural this early in the morning. “Oh yeah? Enlighten me to these ancient dangers then.” He challenged quirking up an eyebrow.    Your brain practically whirred trying to think. “You know I just don't know if it's possible to bring you to my level of enlightenment over the complex subject that dinosaurs in space.” You settled on, nodding every time your mind came up with the next part of the sentence to make it comprehensible.    You accented your brilliant statement with a loud sip of coffee. “One can only dream of such enlightenment.” He settled on.    “It was actually a dream that led me to this enlightenment.” You let him know.    He looked at the plastic toys. “They are a might frightening, certainly turn the legs to jelly.” He teased.    You let out a small laugh and even though it was teasing you enjoyed it, it was lighthearted. “What about you, anything got you up? Metaphoric ancient dangers or otherwise?” He pauses at the question before letting out a small exasperated sigh and shrug, his free hand opening and closing to accompany the shrug. “Come on I told you about my fear of space dinosaurs I think you can tell me about whatever is running through that pretty head of yours.” You insisted trying to keep the lighthearted tone going.    He scoffed with a smile. “Pretty head of mine? Ugh, you're our pilot so tell me you don't need glasses.” He scoffed.    “Don't ‘ugh’ me.” You chided, copying his dissatisfied noise. “My eyesight is perfectly fine.” You insisted.    He rolled his eyes and shook his head a little but you could've sworn you saw the tips of his ears and cheeks tinge with a little bit of red. You had to take another sip of your coffee to hide your grin over that. “Beg to differ.” He settled on.    “Then beg.” You quickly quipped.    You almost spat out your coffee in glee of his reaction. You managed to choke down the liquid in your mouth before falling into a fit of giggles at the look of astonishment on his face. Even he had a good laugh at it once the shock had subsided. “That's good, I'll have to remember that.” He chuckled before calming himself down to take a sip of his coffee.    You nodded along in agreement before taking a sip of your own coffee only to be greeted by a whole lot less liquid than you expected. You stared down into your cup to find it now barren expect for the small flower Kaylee had probably painted on the bottom staring up at you. It was just a pretty little daisy that had no business being as cute as it was, speaking of pretty things having no business being a cute as they were you brought your attention back over Mal. He still looked amused as a small smile kept the corners of his mouth turned up.     “Glad to hear you've come to your senses and agree with me.” You let him know.    “I didn't say that.” He insisted.    “I certainly don't hear any of that begging.” You remarked.    He looked over at you a little unimpressed but his smile was still there so you just smiled bigger, practically daring him to do it and he knew it. He silently conceded with a small head shake before taking the last sip of his own coffee and he too seemed to stare down at the little flower in the bottom of the cup for a moment. He took a deep breath as he got up. “You finished?” He asked before heading towards the door.    “Yes, unless you're offering a second cup?” You cheekily asked.    “Oh, now I see, you were just buttering me up.” He accused with a smirk.    “Only if it worked.” You agreed offering your cup out.    He let out a small amused breath before taking the cup out of your hand which only made you smile more. “Be a waste of perfectly good sugar if you didn't have another cup since there's so much left in here.” He reasoned before heading out.    “Whatever you convince your pretty head of.” You nearly sang.    You heard him chuckle as he made his way down the steps and you smiled to yourself as you looked out vastness of space, a vastness you'd gotten used to over the years. You gave a pat to the dashboard of Serenity as a thank you to her for letting you on to enjoy the vastness of space with this crew. --- ~Admin Coral 🍒 Buy Me A Coffee? --- Note: Fèihuà 废话 roughly translates into bullshit in Chinese. 

[liberty-barnes]

okay okay but i just need to mention one little thing:

fan site dynamics work like this: twitter reacts first, usually dramatically, thinks later. tumblr thinks first, analyses to see exactly what we're working with here, puts it in perspective with their YEARS of experience in this fandom, then reacts.

therefore if you're coming here from twitter, you should have that in mind, as well as keep in mind a few guidelines that worked great for me as someone who lurked around fandom since 2013 and only got REALLY involved in quarantine:

1) RESEARCH PEOPLE RESEARCH. i don't care if you've been part of fandom on twitter for five years, tumblr has so much more information. on absolutely everything. and it all comes back pretty frequently in some way or another. so, to avoid making the Knowledgeable Veteran Larries want to smash their heads into a wall at every "wait what happened in xxx?" message they get even though they've discussed it 1000 times already, just do your research. @larrytimelines has, as you guessed it, timelines for shit that happened over the years so that may be a good start. otherwise, @daisiesonafield-blog has a very well organised blog (how, i don't know, lowkey suspect she's a witch) so just look through her many useful tags for larry resources and you should be good to go for a nice long while.

2) don't come here thinking you know better than the people that have been around for 10 years. that's the main one. it's as simple as that. these people have lived through the worst stunts, they've seen it all, they know what they're talking about. they know better.

3) if you're gonna be ageist you can fuck off. i've lost count of how many people on twitter have said that after 25, you shouldn't be a part of fandom anymore. you do not lose your interests as you get older. if i see you being ageist anywhere in my or others' blogs consider yourself blocked because i do not have the mental stability to handle idiotic children (and i promise you that it's possible to not be asshole to people older than you. at 19 i'm a baby larrie here and i get along with the veterans just fine so you can do it too, it's really not that hard to be respectful)

4) don't be a dick. don't judge people for liking or doing things that you wouldn't like or do. most recent example is the hs3 leak. don't wanna listen? don't. blacklist the HS3 LEAK and HS3 SPOILER tags and just get on with your life. do not be a dick to people who choose to listen to it.

5) before sending an ask to a blog asking about something, scroll for a bit to check if they haven't answered that question already. or check their blog for key words related to that subject. AND DON'T USE PEOPLE'S ASK BOXES AS GOOGLE SERIOUSLY IT'S ANNOYING WE'RE NOT GONNA FEED YOU EASY-ACCESS INFORMATION ON A SILVER PLATTER YOU CAN GET UP AND GO GET IT YOURSELF (that one is particularly annoying to watch so i can only imagine how it feels to get them) (I just make one tiny distinction: if you've genuinely tried looking for the information on Google, on other blogs, etc. then it's okay to ask for help, or to ask if they have any tips on how to better find the information you're looking for, I just get really pissed when people ask things without even trying to find the information themselves.)

6) go look at just general tumblr do's and don'ts. take the time to do it. tumblr is not twitter we do not work the same way and i don't want my beloved hellsite to get like twitter, as fun as it is at times.

and that's about all i have for you at 8.30am, feel free to add some more if you have anything else in mind, dm me or send me an ask if you want more information on why twitter and tumblr are different as someone who's in both

-Love, Miah🤍

[ramp-it-up]

It Takes Two

Pairing: Soft Dark!Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings:  18+, Minors DNI. Curate your own experience. Cursing, drinking, cheating, breakups, rehab, recovery, deception, lies, celibacy, manipulation, wedding planning, semi-public explicit, rough, sex, oral sex (m receiving), degradation kink, breeding kink, choking, dubiuous con (b/c of deception). Darkish! Scott Evans. This is not proofread!

A/N: @lovebittenbyevans gave me a great idea about still dealing with Chris when commenting on The One.  I thought that the Chris in that fic could really go left and get pretty Dark and dirty. And then.... 

Anonymous asked:

Imagine Chris cheating on Y/N …

That made me think up this fic. It is a sequel to The One. I hope you like it!

-----

You left him.

You flew to Montreal to surprise him on set, trench coat and lingerie and everything, and when you opened the door to his trailer, you saw Heidi on her knees giving Chris a blowjob.

You cussed him out, threw the ring back in his face and turned around and left. 

You blocked his number, moved out of his house and cut off all contact.  You were done.

The audacity of Chris being indignant about your warnings about Heidi when he was boning her all along.

You loved Scott, but you had to cut him off too after he tried to explain that Chris was drunk when you found him, and was going to rehab to deal with his issues. 

 It was classic celebrity bullshit and you didn’t have time for it.

You decided to center yourself, and swear off all relationships and sex. You wanted to purge your mind of all that weighed you down. 

You concluded that love, sex, and Chris Evans made you feel heavy as fuck. 

You moved to New York City. It was far enough away from Chris and your folks in Houston to give you some peace. 

You could still run your business and even think about a storefront.  It was the perfect location to live your best life, eat healthy, exercise, socialize and network. 

You fell in love with yourself, and you didn’t think much about Christopher Robert Evans at all.

Only every time you went on IG or Twitter, even though you blocked him and his hashtags.  And every time you went to Target, because his fucking movies and merchandise were everywhere. 

But you were cool, because you were doing you. You weren’t looking for love.

Of course, that’s when it found you.

Six months after you left Boston, you were at a natural beauty products expo in Brooklyn hawking your wares.  

Your business had taken off, with almost a half million dollars in sales, and you were being interviewed by a major news outlet of color when one of the correspondents caught your eye. 

You flirted, exchanged numbers and ended up going on a date. In another three months you were engaged to him.  

Kevin Watts made you feel safe, protected and loved. And he wasn’t just after sex. He was well off, and secure in himself and you.  It just felt right. 

When Kevin proposed, it was just you and him at your favorite restaurant. So romantic. 

Not like the rowdy family 4th of July party at which Chris asked you to marry him last year, in front of both your parents.

The laughter and the joy was just a little much. 

This was perfect. You didn’t miss Chris at all. You set about planning your wedding with a profound sense of peace and safety.  

You and Kevin were meant to be.

----

Chris was nothing without you.

Nothing but an award winning actor and producer, a multi-millionaire and founder of a major organization dedicated to bringing opposing political viewpoints together. 

All of that was cool, and it kept him going, but when he lost you, he lost his motivation.

Chris didn’t take any more roles after the sequel with Heidi, and he dumped her post haste. He did enter rehab and realized that he depended way too much on alcohol to dull his emotions. 

He got drunk off his ass when he was away from you because he missed you so much, and that led to him letting Heidi think that she could have him.

She’d had him physically, but never his heart. Or his mind. You owned those.

Chris followed your business closely, and was proud of your success. 

Of course he followed your social media on burner accounts and saw that you were doing well. 

You looked like you enjoyed being single and seemed healthy and happy.

He couldn’t ask for anything more for you.

Except to be his again. 

Chris was just biding his time for your reunion, deciding to give you a year before he made his move. 

Now he felt every emotion, and he knew that you must still love him too.

You just needed to realize that your life would be even better with him back in it.

The year apart would be just punishment for what he’d done to you, and when you came back together, it would be better than before.

Everyone speculated on his bachelorhood, wondering if he would settle down, speculating and gossiping about who he was with, but he just played coy and kept quiet.

No one would know that he was yours and yours alone, and that you were still his.  

You just didn’t know it.

But you weren’t going along with the plan that you didn’t know about. 

About seven months into his self-imposed purgatory, a complication started popping up on Chris’s feed. 

Kevin. 

And a couple of months after that, a post of a proposal, in a restaurant.

The asshole probably didn’t even ask or involve your folks.  Chris was in a rage for a week. 

He almost started drinking again, but as he got ready to drive to the liquor store, Kevin’s face flashed on his screen doing a report on the election.

Instead of making him even more angry, he smiled, elated at the thought that came to him.

Chris had a new plan, and it was going to be even better than before.

-----

The last three months had been a whirlwind, and you never thought it would turn out this way.  

You were planning your wedding with your mother, discussing the seating at the reception, and you deciding where Chris Evans and his date would sit.

What a time to be alive.

Your mother only let it slip a couple of times that you should be marrying Chris, but for the most part, she kept it cute.

You explained to her that everything was squashed between you and Chris, and that he and Kevin had a great relationship, were friends, even.  

They’d bonded over politics when Kevin interviewed him, and became buds before Chris even realized that you and he were together.

Kevin knew, but he wasn’t the jealous type, and he didn’t want to make things awkward. Surprisingly, Kevin insisted that he be at the wedding. 

You thought about it and decided it would be the ultimate closure for Chris to watch you marry someone else. 

You were pleasantly surprised at Chris. He was handling this very well. He never tried to contact you, and according to Kevin, never even mentioned you. That was growth. 

Maybe you too could be friends. 

You felt good about it. So much so that you unblocked him and started a dialogue.

-----

Hi.

Chris saw your number come across his apple watch and he practically did a dance. It was 9:24 pm.  He picked up his phone and stared at the word, forcing himself to wait and not respond.  He went to work out.

47 minutes later, he responded.

Hello?

This time, he sat and waited for your response, which came 7 minutes later. 

I just wanted to say, I appreciate the way you're handling this.

Chris bit his lip, imagining you sitting there, thinking of what to say and staring down at your phone.

I’m sorry, I don't know who this is. You may have reached a wrong number?

He grinned at the play. 

----- 

Your heart dropped. Did he no longer have your contact?  

Why would he do that?

You don’t know why you felt some kinda way; you’d blocked him. 

Maybe he had changed his number and this was no longer his. Your heart was beating fast when you texted back.

Is this Chris?  This is Y/N.  I was just texting about Kevin Watts.

You anxiously watched the thought bubbles on imessage.

----

Even though you’d texted back almost immediately, Chris kept you hanging for just a couple of minutes. His dick was hard at the thought of communicating with you. 

Fuck, you were such an aphrodesiac.

Oh shit! Y/N I’m sorry.  I got a new phone.. You know how it is…

He knew you wouldn’t believe that. That’s why he said it.

You just stared at the phone. That was bullshit. You can easily port your contacts into a new phone.  You just never believed that Chris would really move on.  And you didn’t know why. 

You had.

You took a deep breath and continued.

Lol, No worries!  Just wanna say thank you for being cool with my Boo. I’m gonna turn in now. Check you later.

You tried to keep it light.

Chris ignored the ‘my Boo’ comment and focused on the thought of you in bed. 

You usually slept in a tank top or t-shirt and panties, and the top would invariably come off because you got hot. 

And then things would invariably get hotter if he was in bed with you….

Cool! Sweet dreams. Check you later. 😉

Chris made sure to exit your message thread and come back so that you wouldn’t see the thought bubbles that he saw when you kept staring at the text.

You  were lost in the times that Chris always used to say that to you, and when he whispered “Sweet Dreams” in your ear when he was far away, you always had wet dreams about him. 

And that wink. 

How could a fucking yellow emoji turn you the fuck on?

You reached for your bullet vibrator as you continued to stare at the interaction.

Chis had already started stroking himself when you told him you were going to bed. 

Knowing that you were thinking exactly what he wanted you to got him close, and he didn’t even have to pull up your old videos to get off. 

Not tonight.

-----

Over the next few weeks. you’d texted a few times, Chris ‘made amends’ and you accepted his apology. 

Then, you started texting more regularly, mainly joking around about sports, your Celtics/Rockets rivalry ever raging. 

From your perspective, Chris was always appropriate and respected your relationship with Kevin.  You were glad because you’d missed your friendship with him.

You felt giddy that your life was working out so well, and you traveled to your weekend getaway in the mountains for your bridal shower with a light heart.

Chris attended Kevin’s bachelor festivities with only a week to go until the wedding.

——

From Chris’s perspective, things were working out better than he’d hoped. 

Scoring an invite to the wedding was more than he’d imagined, and Kevin inviting him out to his Bachelor party was just icing on the cake.  

Maybe he could make Kevin slip up enough so that you would dump him before the wedding. Chris was hopeful.

If not, Plan B was the nuclear option. 

-------

Kevin was following the stripper’s ass like a puppy. He was lit on booze and pills (that Chris provided) and his guard was down.

Kevin considered Chris a friend. 

Chris just wanted to keep Kevin close because he was the enemy.

They were talking about you.

“She’s so fucking innocent. A sweeter angel there never was. I’ll have to teach her how to fuck.”

Chris almost choked on his water.

“I'm sorry. What now?”

Kevin just barreled on, ignoring the question.

“That's how I know I need to wife her.” He was talking to Chris, but still staring at the stripper.

“She would never chase the D. Hell, she won’t even touch mine. You know, her being celibate and all.”

Chris raised his eyebrow and smiled, which Kevin never noticed. Chris shook his head at your antics.  His little beautiful love.

“That’s why I was never pressed that you are her ex. I mean, I’m impressed you were with her as long as you were.”  

Chris just smiled and nodded, curious as to where this was leading.

“A man like you don’t have to put up with that. You must have punani lined up for days, bro.”

Chris’s heart lept. This dullard did not have access to your pussy. HIS pussy.  Never has.

Chris could fuck a lot of people a million ways from Sunday with one text. Except for you. And you were all that mattered. 

“I don’t know about all that.” Chris put on his best, ‘aw shucks’ act.

Chris was over the moon. You were still his. In every way.

Kevin kept tipping the stripper and was trying to call her over. He asked her about a private lap dance.  Chris’s eyes lit up. This asshole was making it too easy.

The stripper nodded and went back to finish up her set.  Chris walked over to the bar.

“Aye!” Chris summoned tha bartender over. 

“What can I get you, Sir.” 

“I don’t need a drink.  I wanna take care of my friend over there. He’s gonna have a lap dance with Star. It’s his bachelor party.  I need it to be extra special.”  

Chris started peeling off hundreds so the barkeep could see. 

“And I need him to have some keepsakes, so he’ll remember it always.” 

More hundreds came off. The bartender’s eyes got bigger and bigger. “That’s no problem.”

Chris flashed his famous smile.  

“Great, let me tell you where to send them. Wanna make them a wedding present.” He wrote down an address on a napkin. 

He was now on Plan C. And it was perfect.

------

A week later and the rehearsal at the church was more fun than you thought it would be.  You weren’t allowed to participate, just watch, as the result of an old wives tale.

The church secretary found you in the pews. She handed you a manila envelope.

“This was mailed here yesterday, probably an invoice of something for the wedding, I put it aside for you, sweetie.”

You smiled back at her and tucked it into your purse, not wanting to distract yourself with more wedding bills. 

Later, when you and Kevin were in the back of the car to the restaurant for the Rehearsal Dinner, you pulled it out and opened it. You couldn’t believe your eyes.

“What the ENTIRE FUCK KEVIN!”  

You threw the pictures of him fucking a stripper in his face, startling him out of staring at his phone.

He picked one up, his mouth dropped open and started talking. 

“Look, Baby, Baby! I can explain!...”

“DO NOT FUCKING LIE TO ME KEVIN!  WE HAVE OVER 300 PEOPLE HERE FOR OUR WEDDING TOMORROW MORNING.” 

Kevin was on his knees in the back of the suburban. 

“Listen to me.. Listen.  I’m a man. I have needs…”

“Kevin, I swear to god….”

“Okay, okay… I admit it…”

You listened to him and your heart went silent.  You couldn’t even absorb what he said.

When you pulled up to the restaurant, you straightened your dress and looked at him coolly.

“I am NOT going to deal with this tonight. Tonight was supposed to be a fun celebration of our wedding. I will decide later if it's still going to happen.”

Kevin was terrified.

“Right now, you and I will go into this place, greet our friends arm in arm and pretend that you are not a fucking narcissitic asshole who just ripped my heart to shreds. Got it?”

“Yes, but I-”

“Do NOT speak to me unless I speak to you first. Or it's automatically off.”

Kevin just nodded and cleared his throat.

You raised your chin and said, “Let’s go.”

-----

Two hours later, dinner was over, and you were lit on your way to TURNT.

Chris observed you, from the moment you entered holding hands with Kevin to the second you dropped his hand in disgust, to the way you held yourself away from him at dinner, but then put on a sweet face when everyone spoke, to Kevin, who was an absolute mess.

He figured you got the pictures. He suppressed the glee that was coursing through him.

But he couldn’t figure out why you were still going on with the charade.

Chris didn’t make a beeline for you like he wanted to, he just let the natural flow of the party lead you to him.  He was talking to your cousin when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around.

“Hey you.”  

You cocked your head at him in that way and looked up at him, your smile brightening your face.  Damn, he had to plant his feet. You smiling at him like that made him feel faint.

You both heard your cousin say something, but you didn’t pay attention, caught up in your own orbit.

“Hey.”  

Chris crossed his arms, and you swore that he was recalling the time when you told him your forearms made you horny. Fuck. Chris made you wet and you were fresh out of fucks tonight.

“So, I can’t have a hug?”  

Chris shook his head at your line and opened his arms to embrace you, keeping a respectable pressure and distance until you hugged him tight and pressed close.  

He couldn’t help but pick you up, but he put you down immediately, cleared his throat and backed up, looking uncomfortable.

That wouldn’t do. You wanted more of his scent, his warmth, his HIM. You pouted unconsciously in your buzzed state.

Chris’s cock stirred.  That fucking mouth had haunted his dreams for almost a year. He was pleased that you were flirting, but he had to work the plan.  Couldn’t go too fast.

“You look… great.  I can’t wait to see you tomorrow in your wedding dress. You will be a beautiful bride.”  

Chris broke his voice in just the right place to convey a wistfulness, making you think that he thought he lost you.

You felt bad.  Chris was so sweet.  You thought about him and you thought about Kevin. 

What was the difference between what Chris did and what Kevin did?  

And who did you have more chemistry with? Chris.  

Why were you even marrying Kevin?

You looked over at him looking at you and Chris like a lost dog.

You had no idea why you were marrying him.

“You look… Like Chris fucking Evans.” You two laughed.  

“I bet you’re fighting them off with a stick.”  You sideyed him.

Chris reveled in your interest in his sex life.

“Well, you know. After rehab, I’ve laid off the... physical part of my life. It only brought chaos, you know. I’m trying to be more… zen. Haven’t really had… that  for the better part of a year.”

He watched your eyes get big.  

“Word?”  You smirked. “So you…”

Chris held up his hand.  The one you knew he jacked off with.  You grabbed it and started drawing on his palm.  Chis pulled it back and cleared his throat again. 

You pouted again. Him being hard to get made you wet.

And Chris knew that.

“So… you ready to marry the love of your life?”

 Chris’s sea blues looked you deep into your cocoa browns. You were transported back in time.

“Yes.” 

 Then you snapped out of it.  

“I mean… the church is set up, the dress is bought, everyone’s here. I guess so.”

Chris laughed as if you were telling a joke.  

“I miss your sense of humor.”

You all made small talk and you caught up a little before you asked what you wanted to know.

“So what are you up to tonight?”

Chris looked at his watch.

“I’m actually about to go to my condo an turn in. I get up early to work out.” He felt your eyes sweep up and down his body, and he flexed even though he was fully dressed. It was true. Working out was a regimen. He wanted you drooling for him. 

“It’s the Marvel condo in Brooklyn?”

You nodded, remembering good times.

“So you have a car picking you up?”  Your mind was whirring.

“I actually have a rental.” 

You gulped your drink down, not daring to look in his eyes. Now, not only was your pussy wet, your nipples were hard as hell. 

“It’s in the parking garage down the block.”

“Well, I need to clear my head. I’ll walk you there, and you can drop me back?”

Chris looked down at your cute face, and then around the room, spotted Kevin and gave him a nod.

“You sure that’s a good idea?”  

You looked at Kevin, too.  You wanted to stick your tongue out, but you just took Chris by the arm and headed toward the door.

“I’m a big girl. Nobody owns me.” 

You looked up into Chris’s eyes and instantly regretted that statement. You played it off and pulled him through the door.

You didn’t talk at all the entire way, both of your heads deep in the clouds of you and him.  The chemistry was crackling the air between you.

You held on to his arm, and he let you, reveling in your touch.

When you reached the parking garage, Chris pressed the button with his knuckle and you got in, headed for the top deck.

You just stared at each other, both thinking the same thing. Chris chuckled.

“You’re dangerous, night before your wedding, you probably have cold feet, I’m here. Maybe you want to be sure that you’re sure…”

You cocked your head. “Who said I wanted to fuck you, Chris Evans?”

Chris cocked his head too, mirroring you.  “Who said ‘fuck?’ I was thinking you wanted to talk.”

He smirked and you scowled as the door opened.

Chris left you in the elevator stewing as he walked over to the black Tesla he’d rented. There was no other car on the deck.

You scoffed, and followed him out.

He was about to walk around to the driver's side door when you grabbed his arm before he made it. He stopped directly in front of the car.

“Do you mean to tell me that you don’t want me?”  You were hot, in more ways than one.

Chris leaned back against the hood.

“That’s not what we’re talking about, y/n. You’re getting married tomorrow. To someone else.”

You smiled and reached up, fingers grazing his neck and playing with the hair at his nape. You ran your fingers through his beard.  Kevin’s couldn’t compare.

“That’s tomorrow. Tonight I’m single as fuck.” 

You stood on your tip toes and brushed your lips against his, reveling in the moan that came from his throat.

Chris fought to control his urge and continued with his act. His fingers tightened around your waist and you thought this was it.  He turned you around in front of the car and then let you go, stepping back to pace back and forth.

“What? What is this? You’ve had almost a year. Kevin’s my friend. What do you want from me?”  

He advanced on you, and you had to remember to breathe.  He knew what you wanted.

“You. I want you, Chris.”

Chris attacked your lips with his own.  He took two seconds to savor them before he ravaged your mouth with his tongue.  You moaned and he broke from your mouth to re-discover your face, your neck, your cleavage.  He had to control himself not to rip the bodice of your blush pink chiffon dress.

He had a raging hard on, which you were feeling up, remembering how you always struggled to take him.  You wanted him to hurt you with it now.

“Give me this Chris… please…”

You were reaching into his pants, thumb caressing his wet, thick tip. He was leaking for you.

“Remember when you told me that I would meet you in a parking lot, and let you fuck me over the hood of your rental car? Even if I was with someone else?”  

You pulled your hand out and started sucking your thumb, closing your eyes at the taste of Chris after so long.  You pulled it out with a pop.  

“You were so right.”

Chris practically growled, grabbed your arm and spun you, pushing your back until your chest hit the hood of the Model X.  He leaned over you, pushing his covered crotch into the back of your dress, you moaned, wanting more.  His mouth was at your ear.

“Oh, so you want to be my cock whore on the eve of your wedding to someone else.”  You moaned because it was true.

“It’s been so long, Chris…”

He reached down in between you and flipped the flouncy skirt of your dress up, exposing you to the wind of New York City.  He looked at it for a minute, your ass always his favorite.

He caressed it with both hands, pressing into you with his thumbs.  

“So you want me to feel you up?”  He pulled his hand back and sucked one of them, practically jumping for joy when he tasted you. 

“You want me to pull your panties to the side….” and he did so, seeing your slick shine in the moonlight, and playing in it for a minute, tracing your lips and making you quiver around nothing.

The way you were moaning his name was everything right now.

Your face was pressed against the cool metal of the car, and it was the only thing tying you to the earth.

“Oh yes, Chris…. Please please yesss...fuck me… damn...stretch me out…”

Chris’s dick pulsed and he needed you around him. He moved close again and unzipped his pants, the sound making your knees weak.

He teased your cunt with his tip, collecting your arousal and smearing it not only around your pussy, but around your asshole.

“I know you’ve fucked him, but have you let him have your ass?  Am I still the only one…?”

Chris was still playing the game. 

“No, no, no… I haven’t let him… I haven’t given him anything. I’ve been celibate, too.  It’s still yours Chris. All of me is still yours.”

Chris almost came just hearing you say it out loud. He already knew, but hearing you say it was the shit.

He pushed into you with a grunt, and it was difficult.  He didn’t make it. Your cunt squeezed him out.

“Ffffuck, y/n. You’re practically closed down.  Is it true?”  

He started rocking his tip into your pussy slowly, both regretting and reveling in the fact that he didn’t stretch you out with his fingers beforehand.  Then he decided that he wanted you to feel this fully.

You couldn’t answer, only responding with moans has he painfully breached you. You welcomed it, though.

“Ah, ah, ah, ah… yes Chris.  Only you.. Since you and I….”  Talking about it and the fact that you were taking him again made you wetter, and eased Chris’s way, although your pussy was already stinging with his girth. Your eyes rolled back in your head.

You would never get over this and were so grateful for the feeling again.  

Chris watched you and had to grit his teeth to hold back from the reality that he was taking you again. 

He leaned over you, hot breath huffing in your ear, puffing and groaning as he fucked you slowly.  He was trying to feel every sensation. He wanted you to know that each and every millimeter of your glorious wet, tight pussy was his.

‘Ohhhh. Fuck Chris… YESSSS!”  Your voice echoed off the concrete walls, and Chris wanted you louder.

“This what you wanted?  You wanted your thick cock inside you again. Hunh?  You wanted me to stretch your walls and fuck you raw, hunh?”  He started speeding up in time with your moans.

“Such a fucking filthy cockslut for me, baby.”  Chris grabbed your neck from the back. “Why didn’t you let Kevin hit, hunh?”  

You didn’t answer, you just moaned and Chris smacked your ass, hard.

“Chris! Fuck!”  

You screamed. You missed his ruthlessness when you fucked, you missed him making sure that you knew that he knew that you knew. You belonged to him. 

 “Please!”

“I know why.” 

Chris stopped fucking you and pressed down harder on your back, reaching around to find your clit.  He swirled around it once, then started to press down slowly. 

“Because you would never beg him for that subpar dick that he has. You’re MY whore. You belong to me.”

He pressed down roughly, and you detonated around his dick.  He didn’t have to move.  Chris pulled out, leaving you cold and bereft.

You turned around and leaned up against the hood, panting and still desperate for him.  He stood there in front of you, dick sticking out of his pants, which were ruined, and still rock hard and ready. He was in a quiet rage.

“Why did you leave me?” 

You searched his face.  He sounded like he was about to cry.  You couldn’t quite see his entire face, but his eyes shone, bright with liquid.  You went toward him.

“You hurt me Chris.  I couldn’t stay. But let me take care of you now.”

You got on your knees in front of him, the hard concrete of the parking structure digging into your knees.  

Again, you welcomed the physical pain, distracting you from what you were doing to Kevin, to Chris, and to yourself.

Chris felt like he could fly.  You on your knees for him again was a dream. 

He took his cock in his hand, stroking it, while moving close to you. In no time, the back of your head was in his palm, and you opened wide to accept him, hand coming up to stroke what you couldn’t fit.

“Ah, ah. Let me.”  

You looked up at him to see an evil grin shine down on you. 

Chris looked down on an angel trying to swallow him whole. He brushed the tears away from your eyes as you struggled to breathe. You were perfection.

Moaning around him, you relaxed your mouth and throat and let him use you.  It was difficult, because you were out of practice, but you welcomed the letting go of all thought. 

You dripped down your thighs as Chris pumped into you, ready to accept what he had to give. 

After a few minutes, he stopped, and pulled out, grabbing you up to your feet. 

Then he bent down and grabbed you by the back of your thighs and you wrapped your legs around his waist, kissing him and trying to grind down on his still-erect cock as he backed you to the car.

Your ass hit the hood, and Chris reached between you to first tear your panties off. He put them in his pocket as he swiped his dick up and down your dripping wet folds.  

He looked back up to watch your face as he pushed inside you, now, an easier path to nirvana.

He pulsed as he watched the pleasure take over your face, with your mouth slack and your eyes glassed over. This was his main purpose in life and he almost lost it.

He brought his hand up to bring you closer, breathed into your mouth as he squeezed your throat. You were high instantly, and clamped down on his cock as your body was wracked with waves of pleasure.

Chris let your body descend back down to the car as he pumped his seed into you, his mind fantasizing that he was impregnating you. 

He shook your body as the last ropes of cum spurted out of him. He ran his hand down your body as he pulled out, zipping up his pants as you came back to your senses on the hood of the car.

You stared at the stars as you realized what you had done.  You sat up and adjusted your dress, gingerly climbing back down to the ground.  

Chris kissed you on the forehead, and this time you let him get into the driver’s seat. You got in the passenger side and Chris reached into the glovebox and handed you some wet wipes.

“Fix your face. And your knees.” 

He nodded down to your legs, which were dirty from the parking structure floor.  He watched you wipe your knees off, but stopped you as you went higher.

“No. I want you to feel me all night long.”  

You wanted to be a brat, but you didn’t feel like sass right about now. You felt kinda terrible.

You got another wet wipe and fixed your makeup as best you could as Chris drove you back to the restaurant.

“Chris, I…”

“I know.  None of that meant that we’re back together.  That was for some kind of something, I dunno, something Kevin might have done?” 

You looked down, ashamed. Chris lifted your chin up with his hand.

“I want you to come to me on your own.  You’ve gotten that out of your system, and I’m glad to be of service.”  You looked up into his eyes and at his wry smile.

“But remember, you still have a choice. I’m here if you choose me.”  

He leaned over and gave you a tender kiss in front of the restaurant.

You smiled at him and climbed out of the car, watching as he drove off.

Chris’s heart was beating out of his chest as he watched you turn and go back inside. He fought the urge to turn around. It was better this way.

----

You walked in the restaurant, and pulled Kevin over to the side of the restaurant in dark alcove. 

“Listen. Do you still want to marry me?”

He looked you up and down, taking in your state, from the faint marks on your neck to your scuffed knees.  He knew exactly what was up.

You raised an eyebrow at him.  

-----

Three hours later, a sleepy Chris answered the doorbell in Brooklyn.

He smiled at you, in the Captain America t-shirt and jeans that you’d stolen from him after a photoshoot, looking like his favorite Disney princess. You.

You took him in, clad in grey sweatpants that hung off his magnificently cut body.  He blinked at you sleepily.

“The wedding is off. Chris, I….”

He reached out and grabbed you, pulling you in the brownstone and shutting the door behind you.  He had you pinned up against the wall as you tried to speak.

“Shut up and let me taste you.”  

You grinned and wrapped your legs around his waist as he carried you upstairs.

--- 

The next morning, Chris was on the phone with Scott.

“Yes, tell the workers at the warehouse to dump all the products….I don’t care, the river, the landfill…. Y/N can’t find out that I bought up all her stock…. We’re going to be married..... I know what the fuck I’m doing Scott. We leave for Aruba this afternoon. Listen, I’ll call you later.”

Chris hung up and turned to find you in the doorway, frowning and rubbing your eyes.  

“We’re going to Aruba?”  

You smiled and yawned, sleepily stretching.  That was all that you’d heard of the conversation.

Chris gave you his stunner smile.  

“Yes. It was going to be a surprise.” 

He reached down and swung you up in his arms, carrying you into the bathroom bridal style.

“Now let’s get in the shower.  You’ve been very naughty, gotta get you clean for your wedding day.”

You giggled as you relaxed in Chris’s arms. “It takes two to be naughty, Chris.”

He winked at you as he turned on the shower. “Don’t I know it.”

-----

I know it’s different. Let me know if you like it. Like, comment, reblog! 

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