Peyton: "Literally me when Jack - alpha werewolf - emo - scary - if you see me smile in a fight... RUN. - single - straight - i love my mommy - badass"
Kat: "STOP."
Alex: "Yall are just jealous"
Kat: "Maybe you should put your shirt back on ASSHOLE."
Alex: "Bit-"
Peyton: "Guysss!! Stop fighting!! Kat, this isn't youuu!!"
Kat: "bro not this again."
Peyton: "Where is the cutie kitty kat i used to knoooww?? I miss the old you!!'
Sam: "this is literally why we broke up"
Peyton: "Please, Kat. I know you're still in there"
Kat: "literally stfu you taste like shit"
Peyton: "If you're going to fight Alex, fight me first."
Kat: "dude 💀"
Sam: "PEYTON YOUR CRINGE IS CONTAGIOUS."
Peyton: "😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭"
Alex: "i need to shit."
Sam: "shit in my mouth"
Kat: "that's kinky"
Sam: "☹️"
Kat: "peyton your cringe is rubbing off on us"
Peyton: "YOU GUY-"
Sam: "ATCHOO!"
*silence*
Kat: "Sam you r-"
Sam: "ATCHOOOOOOO-UGH"
Peyton: "sam i wish you DIED in that fire"
Sam: "DATS BEAN DOU'R STO BEA- ATCHOCOOOOOOOOUGHAHHHHHH"
Kat: "gurl go get the fucking duct tape"
Peyton: "already on it"
Alex: "But then I can't kiss hiiimm!"
Kat: "good."
Sam: "ATCHOO-uH. buCk" *snort*
Alex: "but then we can't be famous with all the fanfics"
Kat: "YOU GAYS ARE OVERRATED."
Sam: "ATCHOOOO-doW" *fucking falls down*
Peyton: "SAM SHUT YOU'RE BITCHASS UP YOU HAVE L RIZZ"
Alex: "💀"
Alex: "BRO CAN I NOT DO THAT?"
Sam: "ATCH- phHHHFFFT"
Peyton: "EW HE SNOTTED ALL OVER ME!!! THAt IS A BIG L"
AND ORIGINALLY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A (wasteland, still) WHOLESOME KINDA THING WHERE ALL THE MAIN CHARACTERS ALL WORKED TOGETHER AND STUFF TO GET THROUGH IT
and my dumbass really suggested zombies and that the zombies carry explosives
so that kinda happened…and then i said we should make a character based off of J (j is a kid from school, i won’t say his name for privacy reasons ykyk) and yk what we did? made a character based off of J.
and there wasn’t really supposed to be murder or anything like that. because, like i said, it was supposed to be wholesome.
and originally, it was my friend’s book, but i kinda started suggesting so much that she made me co author and editor (idk ig she thinks ik grammar???) and yeah.
like….it’s insane. and the original book was supposed to be called Best Team Ever because yk wholesome friends helping eachother in the appocolypse/wasteland (well it also sounded bad and cringey so ykyk)
i suggested the whole appocolypse thing lmao
but no we turned it into fucking DEATH DEATH GUNS MURDER KNIVES AHAHAH LETS STAB JAZON IN THE BACK—- sorry
so there’s main character Katlynn Johnson (from her perspective), her best friend (also kinda sorta implied crush) Peyton McLinn, peyton’s younger brother Alex McLinn, and then there’s Sam Broadly.
oh and of course JAZON MY BBG BELOVED <3
alex and sam kinda implied btw
but also sam like(s/d) kat???
AND HAHAHAHAH I CANT SAY ANYMORE ILL SPOIL IT AND MY FRIEND WOULDNT LIKE THAT
but like hehe
can you tell i like it a lot?
like…i’m already writing fanfics about it. i’m so excited to get it published (self published. we broke out here) so i can post the fanfics 🙇♀️🙇♀️
Peyton: "No that's her greatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreat grandfather's daughter"
Kat: "She practically isn't related to me anymore
Demon: "What the fuck is wrong with this gen-"
Demon: "why is my name LITERALLY demon."
Sam: "Because we don't know what yo name is"
Demon: "Oh, my name is-"
Peyton: "Literally, no one cares. Just go away momm- I mean- haw- I mean-"
Kat: "PEYTON SHUT YO LESBIAN ASS UP I SWEAR TO GYATT YOU QUEER WOULD SHOVE A GUTTER UP YO ASS AND MAKE OUT WITH A KITCHEN DRAIN. YOU CAN'T BE LEFT ALONE BECAUSE YOU WOULD LITERALLY GO ON TINDER AND WOULD TELL TEN GUYS YOU SWIPED ON YOUR EXACT LOCATION YOU MANIFEST WHORE."
Sam: "Kitty it ain't that seriou-"
Kat: "SAM YOU CAN'T BE TALKING YOU HAD FIVE GIRLFRIENDS ALL UP ON YOU BEFORE YOU LEGIT SAID 'fuck it im gay bitches' AND ALMOST MADE HALF THE GIRL POPULATION JUMP OFF A BRIDGE. AND EVEN WORSE YOU STARTED DATING ALEX WHO LOOKS FIVE YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU SO PEOPLE START CALLING YOU A PEDOPHILE. I SWEAR ALL YOU DO IS BEG FOR ALEX JUST SO YOU CAN MAKE OUT WITH HIS DOUBLE BUBBLE GAY ASS."
I was border than my bike with training wheels that hasn't been used since 2008 that was still in the garage. So, I decided to be a normal person and went outside.
But since my life can never be normal, (like how hard is it just to give me a normal life?) some random purple shake popped out of nowhere, scaring the crap out of me. And unlike a normal person, I picked it up and drank it.
It was disgusting.
I drank some more.
Then, my stupid, fiberglass-eating, nose-picker, toe nail-chewing little brother, Alex, took MY SHAKE.
“Yummy!” Alex exclaimed as he brought his crusty, musty, dusty, rusty, lips to the straw. I scowled.
“AYE THAT’S MINE!” I yelled.
“NOT ANYMORE IT’S NOT!”
He scurried away.
“THAT’S MY RANDOM PURPLE SHAKE YOU USED WET WIPE!!” I screamed as I ran after him.
Of course I was the faster runner. I ran track. So that slow-poke was pretty easy to get to.
“That’s mine, you coconut!” I yelled as I snatched the shake from Alex.
“Give it back!” Alex reached for the shake, but I held it over his head where he couldn’t reach.
HONK!
“Get outta the road ya nincompoop!” Someone in a car yelled.
So like the good big sister I was, I kicked Alex to the road and ran away.
“PEYTON!” Alex screamed from behind me.
“I’m calling the police!” I responded.
Ten minutes later, Alex and I were in the back of a cop car. It felt like detention.
“So, you stole a Grimace shake?” the cop asked Alex.
“My Grimace shake,” I scoffed.
“I wasn’t asking you!”
“She’s my sister! I always steal from her!” Alex argued.
“WHAT?” I screamed.
“Tell that to the judge.” The cop sighed.
“Alex McLinn, please stand.”
Alex stood up like a flarping animatronic, so upright and smiling like a crazy person.
“Is it true you stole your sister’s shake?” The judge asked.
“Nah, she’s delusional. Lying to all y’all,” Alex bluffed, very much intentional.
“I am not!” I protested.
“You are too!”
“No!”
“Yes!”
“Silence!”
Alex smiled all innocent and stuff as he stopped and looked at the judge.
“That’s it, you’re getting death row.”
“WHAT WHY?” Alex cried.
“You’re too ugly to actually look at. You’re killing my eyes.”
“HUH?”
“CASE CLOSED!” The judge hit his goofy gavel on the goofy table.
“This is just as bad as mint toothpaste and mustard guacamole,” Alex complained.
“What do you mean? That stuff is good,” I said.
“Are you sure you’re not the one going on death row?”
A week later Alex got his last meal.
It was a Grimace shake.
Then I was told Alex would die by getting run over, and I had the honors!!! I got to drive a delivery truck heading right toward him without getting in trouble. I happily ran him over. (Not like I was planning on doing that anyway.)