#please reblog so I can have a bigger pull to see results.

[headeyes]

I am heavily curious because despite be actively searching and looking through all my local gamestops and other local game stores, I have never once been able to find the series 1 thru 5 amiibo cards in person. I am wondering if I am just extremely unlucky or if this has been a struggle for the community as a whole.

( * I leave the sanrio cards out of this because they are target exclusives and I HAVE had luck in seeing them regularly at my local target. )

[skz317cb97]

Seo Changbin x thick female reader

Word count: 4k

Synopsis: When your new personal trainer finds out exactly why you've hired him he does EVERYTHING he can to help you with your body image issues.

A/N: 18+ only! The 4th installment of the thick reader series! I hope you all enjoy! Please reblog, like, comment, shoot me an ask if you do! I love hearing from you guys especially about this series! As always warnings and smut below the cut!

Warnings: 18+ MDNI! Strong language/cussing, dry humping, oral (f receiving), a bit of spit play, protected piv sex, a bit of a strength kink if you squint, a little anal play but no penetration, cum shot, slighy Changbin dom/MC sub dynamic, praise/pet names (beautiful, baby etc). I think that is everything but if I missed something, please let me know and I will add it immediately!

You were a little nervous about your first session with the new physical trainer you had hired. He came highly recommended and you wanted someone, no NEEDED someone that would get you results. Quickly. It was a no brainer to go with him. You were sent an email before your first session outlining the first steps in his fitness plan for you. It also informed you there was a dress code to be followed and that when you were at the gym you were to be in workout clothes made of light material, that allowed for easy movement. There were a few other rules outlined like no food or drink on the workout floor except water, wiping down your own equipment, normal rules you would expect in any gym.

You were standing there waiting in said gym, your ponytail high, wearing a peachy pink spandex sports bra and matching leggings, NOT something you would typically pick to go to the gym in but you didn’t want to start off on the wrong foot. He did seem like a bit of a hard ass over email and it had you a little more than anxious about meeting him. You had no idea what this guy was like or what he looked like. What if he was like one of those massive gym rat bros that always glared at you when you went to the gym before, what if he saw you and thought you were just a waste of time because you’re bigger, what if...

You were pulled from your spiraling negative thoughts when the trainer finally came in. He smiled brightly as he walked towards you, a soft dimple appearing in one cheek and you couldn’t help but give him a once over as he approached you.

He was buff but not crazy big, yet somehow, he seemed soft with his wavy black hair and charming smile. He was not as intimidating as you had expected. He was gorgeous too with his sparkling brown eyes, full lips and strong jaw.

His smile seemed genuine but you couldn’t help feeling a bit self-conscious in your gym clothes seeing how fit he was. You were about to try and cover yourself a bit but he tossed his duffle bag and extended his hand to shake yours before you could.

“Hi! You must be Mrs. y/n y/l/n! I’m Seo Changbin.” You took his hand and he gently cupped his other over yours as he shook it.

“Yes, I am, Ms. y/n y/l/n, it’s nice to meet you Mr. Seo.” You corrected him and he smiled at you again nodding.

“Ms. Please, call me Binnie. We’re going to be spending a lot of time together so no need to be so formal.” He gave you a beaming smile before getting right to business.

“I’d like us to start with some stretching to warm up and determine your range of motion and flexibility. I have a couple of yoga mats set up over here so why don’t you choose one and get into a lotus position.” You looked at him as if he’d just spoken a foreign language.

“Uh... lotus position?” He nodded and motioned towards the mats.

“Yes. On your butt, cross your legs, feet resting on your thighs.” You nodded in understanding and got into the pose he’d described.

“Good.” He came behind you and pulled your shoulders back a bit.

“Shoulders wide, spine just a bit straighter, like that, yes! Good!” You went through a few yoga poses like that. You felt a bit awkward bending over in the outfit you chose while Changbin watched you intently, making adjustments where it was needed until he deemed you stretched out enough.

“Okay we’re gonna start with cardio. Then we’ll do some weight training focusing on legs and core today, and we’ll finish up with some light stretching like we just did to cool back down. It’s important to stretch after as well so you don’t tense up and pull a muscle.” So far Changbin had been nothing like you were expecting. He was soft spoken, gentle, and encouraging. He led you over to the treadmills and motioned for you to get on the first, which you did. He hit some buttons that adjusted the incline of the machine and the belt under your feet started moving slowly.

“Let start with a higher incline and slower speed and we’ll work things up from there.” You wondered if he chose to do that because you were bigger or if that was a normal thing he did with all of his clients. He was good at noticing when you were getting distracted by your thoughts and he would either make an adjustment or ask you a question. You couldn’t help being distracted by the thoughts that were plaguing your mind, they were constant and the whole reason you were there in the first place.

“I can go faster.” Changbin nodded and increased the speed of your treadmill. You were now at a light jog but you still felt like you should be doing more.

“Really Changbin, I can go faster.” He nodded but this time he did not turn the speed up.

“Please, call me Binnie, and it’s not a race y/n we’re just getting your heart rate up. I know you can run faster but we still have another hour and a half so you don’t need to wreck yourself right at the start, trust me you’ll be sore and exhausted by the end of the session. Just, go easy.” You wanted to argue but didn’t and focused on finding a rhythm. Over the next thirty minutes every time you started to get a comfortable rhythm Changbin gradually reduced the incline and increased your speed until you were running at a good pace.

“Be sure to control your breathing, keep your posture straight and plant your feet, don’t run on your toes, you’ll hurt yourself.” You made the changes he suggested and it did feel better.

“You take direction well. I’m gonna bring the speed back down, do a cool down walk for five and then we’ll take a short break and start legs.” The belt under your feet started to slow significantly as did you. You were sweating and had a few stray hairs sticking to your face that was most definitely red now. After the five-minute cool down you grabbed your towel and water bottle. You wiped your face and neck and then took a big drink of your water. You were a little embarrassed that you were already SO sweaty and worn out. Of course you were, anybody would be after running thirty minutes on a treadmill. You could only hear the same old words echoing in your head though. His words, always in HIS voice. ‘Fat’ ‘disgusting’ ‘lazy’ ‘ugly’.

“You’re really doing a great job y/n!” Changbin walked up taking a drink of his own water. You tensed up a bit and stuttered.

“I-is that surprising to you?” Changbin’s brow furrowed, his head tilting to the side a bit.

“Wha-no I’m... just for someone that’s never worked with a trainer before you’re doing a really good job. Not everyone picks up direction as well as you do.” ‘Comes from years of doing anything a man said you needed to do in order for him to stay with you.’ Is what you wanted to say, instead you just nodded and took another drink of your water.

“Alright breaks over, come over here to this leg press.” Changbin took you over to a weight machine that had a low seat that angled back. He pointed down at the seat.

“Go on sit down, plant your feet firmly and flat against that plate there.” You did as he said, sitting and putting your feet on the plate. He came over to make his adjustments and with the level and angle of the seat you could see up Changbin’s shorts enough to get a good look at his thigh muscles. When one of his hands touched your knee and the other gripped your ankle, spreading your legs further apart you flinched and you couldn’t help how red your face turned or the throbbing you felt inside. Changbin smiled softly at you, he noticed you tensing up when he touched you

“There, shoulder width apart like that.” He said gently. You cleared your throat and nodded. With your feet planted Changbin released the safety bar and you could feel the weight on your feet now. It really didn’t feel like more than the plate it was so light.

“Uh, Ch-Binnie? I can... this doesn’t feel like anything, we can put on more weight than this.” Changbin raised his eyebrow at you and gave you a smirk.

“Are you preparing for a squatting competition or what? Look I’m the trainer you’re the trainee. You might feel like I’m going easy on you but you have to start at the bottom and work your way up or you’re going to hurt yourself. I don’t do injuries, okay?” Again, you wanted to argue but bit your tongue and nodded. Changbin had you do a few sets on multiple machines that worked your quads, calves, hamstrings, and your glutes. Your legs weren’t quite jelly when you were done but you definitely felt every part of them.

“Alright quick drink and then we’re doing core which you will learn love, aka core sucks.” He laughed patting his abs and shaking his head.

“It is my least favorite work out to do but it is a necessary evil. It’s helpful with balance as well as toning.” You wiped more sweat off and chugged water like you’d been stranded at sea.

“So like crunches?” You asked. Changbin shrugged, nodding and tilting his head side to side a little.

“Yea that works one area of your core but we’re gonna be doing dead bugs, glute bridges, side planks and inchworms today. That should give you a pretty rounded core workout, hitting the most areas. Then we’ll stretch and discuss what to expect at your next session. Now up! Back over to the yoga mats!” He clapped and you stood making your way over to the mats and then waited for Changbin’s next instruction.

“Okay on your back, arms straight up in the air. Knees stacked over your hips and your ankles in line with your knees, at a ninety-degree angle.” You laid down and got into the position kind of. Changbin came over and made his few adjustments, every touch quick, necessary and professional but clearly, you’ve been touch starved because you welcome it each time and wished they lasted longer. As soon as Changbin stepped away from posing you properly you realized the ridiculous position you were in and you felt like an ass. Your arms and legs fell back to the mat and you huffed in frustration.

“Changbin this feels stupid, I feel stupid. None of this is going to make a difference. I need results.” Changbin knelt down by you.

“Why did you hire me? What was your reason for wanting a personal trainer?” You sat up quickly.

“What? Why does it matter?” Changbin shook his head.

“I want to know what it was that made you decided to want to have a personal trainer, what’s your motivation, why are you doing this, why do you NEED results?” You sat there speechless.

“Come on y/n! There’s a reason, what is it. What’s the push? The drive? Don’t waste my time! What do you want!?” You choked as tears welled up and yelled back.

“I want my ex-husband to want me! I want him to not cheat on me with a nineteen-year-old girl half my size that looks like a god damned supermodel! I want to be the person he desires for once in my miserable existence, someone that ANYONE desires!” The tears streamed down your face. You got up quickly, grabbing your towel and water bottle. Changbin stood up realizing he’d pushed you too far. That there was more going on than he’d realized.

“I’m sorry! I wasn’t... I didn’t mean to shout. y/n?" You didn’t move to leave but you didn’t set your stuff down either. Your head hung and you talked softly as you continued to cry into your hands.

“This was a mistake, none of it makes a difference. It never has before when I've tried diets and gyms. My ex-husband was right, I’ll always be fat, disgusting.” Changbin took quick steps towards you, firmly grabbing your arm and turning you to face him. You looked at the ground instead, your lip quivering as the tears still poured from your eyes. Whoever your ex-husband was had really been a piece of shit.

“You... you listen to me right now. Don’t EVER talk about yourself like that again. Not in front of me not EVER. Do you understand? What you just said is the furthest thing from the truth and I don’t want to hear it come from your mouth again. Even with diet and exercise y/n; will you ever shop in the petite section of a clothing department? No. It’s just your body and that’s alright! I’ll never shop in big and tall section either. It’s NO different and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you because there’s not and it doesn’t mean you’re not gorgeous because you are. Do you understand what I’m trying to say? You don’t need to change for anyone and fuck anyone who makes you feel otherwise. If you want change then change what you want. If you want to tone then we’ll tone, if you want to try and drop weight too that can also be a goal but the reason needs to be because you want it and it makes you happy y/n.” You sniffled and nodded and Changbin picked up a corner of your towel wiping the tears off your face. It was strangely intimate but not uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry I acted so crazy-” Changbin shook his head putting up a hand stopping you.

“Hey no you weren’t acting crazy, okay? Sounds like your ex did a lot to hurt you and that’s not easy to get over.” You nodded and went to leave before Changbin stopped you again.

“Oh uh! We’ll skip core for today but we should really still stretch and cool down.” You wiped your face with your towel again making sure your nose wasn’t running and walked back over to the mats.

“Okay, yea you’re probably right.” You tossed your things down and stood on your yoga mat. Changbin came up behind you suddenly, very close, and spoke right by your ear.

“We’re gonna do some different poses than what we did for warm up, okay?” Your breath shuttered out and you gave a small nod. Changbin’s hands held each side of your hips.

“Okay. Feet shoulder width apart now. Lean forward plant your palms flat against the mat.” You did what Changbin told you to, spreading your legs and bending over, his hands still holding you firmly. Once you were in the position Changbin made his ‘adjustments’ pulling your hips back just far enough for you to feel his warmth.

“Good good, just like that.” He said as he pulled back a little more and now you could feel his half hard cock pressing against your plush ass. You let out a small gasp and your whole body buzzed at the contact as your arousal practically poured from you.

“Does that feel alright?” You both knew he didn’t mean the stretching. You let out a breath and pushed into his touch a little more.

“Yea Binnie, feels good.” Changbin’s thumbs rubbed gentle circles on the back of your hips as he enjoyed the feeling of you pressed against him for a minute before pulling away. You stood up, surprised at the sudden loss, worried maybe he’d crossed a line he hadn’t really meant to that was until he walked around in front of you. He smiled at you but this one was different than the other’s he’d given you before. This was a little half smile. Just a smirk but it said so much.

“Lay down here, on your back.” You did so and Changbin knelt at your feet. One of his hands slid up your calf giving you a gentle squeeze behind your knee. You watched his every move and he was carefully reading the expressions on your face to see if you didn’t really want this, to see if you would stop him but you didn’t stop him. Changbin pushed up the leg he had a hold of stretching it up so your knee was pushed into your chest. His hips pressed into yours and you could feel his cock against you again, this time pressing against your warm cunt. You let out a deep breath as he leaned into the ‘stretch’ more, adding more pressure against your clit in the process and then he relaxed back a little, giving you a moment as he switched the leg he gripped to the other.

“MMhmm good... very good. Now this one...” He said pushing the other leg back just like he’d done the last but this time he practically rubbed his clothed erection up and down your slit making you close your eyes and bite your lip. Changbin watched as the blush crept up from your breasts to your neck, then your face as he rubbed his cock against you harder.

“That’s it, stretch it out.” It should have been a completely normal, innocent thing for a trainer to say and it would have been if Changbin didn’t have you in a half mating press while pressing his cock against your drenched pussy, your clothes being the only thing stopping from him sliding inside you and being in heaven. He released the hold on you again letting your leg come back down, his hands sliding down the outsides of your thighs as he leaned back on his heels.

“I think one more position should do it.” He said giving you that smirk again. You sat up and nodded in agreement.

“Okay Binnie, how do you want me?” You asked so sweetly he bit his lip and closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them again, they were dark and full of lust.

“We’ll finish with the frog pose then. On your knees.” You got on your knees for Changbin immediately and he smiled warmly.

“Good, you’re so good, listening and doing exactly what I say.” You nodded, eyes wide, and waited for his instructions again.

“Spread them apart,” Changbin’s hand slid between your thighs just barely grazing your cunt as he pushed your legs apart wide.

“Yes, just like that. Now bend over and rest your weight on your forearms, shoulder width apart with your hands flat.” You got into position like he said and when you did your back arched and your ass was pushed out. Changbin bit his lip again.

“Fuck.” He whispered as he grabbed your hips and helped push your forward. When he pulled you back against his cock and you rubbed and squeezed your ass against him, he couldn’t take it anymore. Changbin gripped the fabric of your leggings and ripped them apart exposing your ass and glistening cunt. You let out a little squeal in surprise. When you felt Changbin’s warm hands on your bare ass rubbing, kneading, spreading you open, you leaned back into his touch.

“God damn beautiful, this poor pussy has been so neglected hasn’t it.” You nodded, every drag of his fingers over your skin setting you on fire.

“Fuck yes Binnie, it needs fucked, filled, will you fill it for me Bin?” Changbin leaned forward spreading you open again. Spit dripped from his lips onto your asshole, dripping down your cunt before he started rubbing it up and down your folds with two of his fingers.

“I’ll fill you up gorgeous but first...” He laid down on his back, his head right under your juicy pussy.

“First you’re gonna sit on my face.” You were about to argue that but before you could Changbin’s tongue invaded your folds and he pulled you down on his face groaning into your cunt, a vibration that buzzed through your whole body when he did.

“Fuck Binnie! Oh my god! Don’t stop!” Changbin shook his head as he continued to suck and slurp on your clit pulling you to sit further on his face. You started grinding on him chasing the orgasm you were so close to already.

“I’m... FUCK... I’m gonna cum Bin. You’re gonna... gonna make me...” The grunts of satisfaction that came from Changbin pushed you over the edge. You came on Changbin’s face and tongue, him guiding your hips as you rode out your climax as long as possible. You leaned forward still perched up on your knees, ass in the air as Changbin slid out from under you.

He took his shirt off and wiped his face with it before tossing it aside. He leaned over to where he had tossed his duffle bag earlier and pulled out a condom. He pulled his shorts and boxer briefs down enough to free his rock-hard cock, tore open the rapper and rolled the latex over his tip and down his shaft.

“Are you ready baby?” You propped yourself back up on your elbows and nodded, biting your lip.

“Yes Bin! God FUCK me! PLEASE!” The way Changbin’s cock slid in to your warm wet pussy so easily made his toes curl.

“FUCK you are so tight! God damn!” Changbin got himself together and pulled out before pushing back into you hard and fast.

“OOOOH! Binnie! FUCK! Right there! Hard! Fuck me hard right there!!” Changbin pulled out and pushed into you hard again, this time pulling your ass back against his hips, making you scream for him.

“Yesyesyesyes! Fuckfuck right there yes harder Bin fuck yes!” He started fucking you faster, harder, pulling you back into his thrusts every time. He nudged your legs apart wider and pressed you down a bit.

“God damn beautiful you’re taking my cock so well! Such a good girl, spread your legs a bit more, yea like that baby, now down on your belly, yes fuck!” He rammed into you harder.

“So fucking deep! Just like that! Now lay there and get fucked like a good girl.” Changbin pressed your hips down as he fucked you as deep as he could, giving you hard unforgiving thrusts that pushed you up the mat each time.

“Yes Binnie, fuck my pussy, FUCK YES!” You came around Changbin’s cock as you screamed the only words you could form, his name.

"CH-chang-bin! Chan-g-bin! Binbinbin-binnie!! YES!” Changbin didn’t stop, he kept fucking you hard and fast trying to find his release now.

“Fuck y/n I’m gonna cum! Wanna cum all over your ass beautiful.” He spread your ass cheeks and watched his cock disappear inside you again and again.

“Can I huh? Can I blow all over your ass baby.” You groaned out in absolute ecstasy still coming on the dick hammering into your cunt, begging to paint you with cum.

“Yeeeees! Fuck yessss!! Cum all over me!” You didn’t think it was possible but Changbin started fucking your faster your pussy trembling in overstimulation. As he was about to reach his climax Changbin pulled out, pulled off and tossed the condom. He spread your ass apart spit on your ass hole again and pressed his cock against it rutting his cock between your ass cheeks until his thick, milky cum started to pool from his slit then shoot, streaking across your back and ass, dripping.

“Uhhh... fuck... ohhh fuck I’m coming baby fuck!” Changbin rubbed his cock through your cum covered ass crack before leaning over you, pushing your ponytail out of the way kissing your neck and shoulders, pressing his body against yours. He nuzzled his nose into your neck and it tickled, making you laugh. He rolled onto his back and looked over at you smiling, his eyes half closed and body still buzzing from his orgasm.

@jquellen27 @caroline-ds-world @ughbehavior @chansynie @hyunelixies @j-0ne25

“I think we should discuss considering some at home pro bono sessions, don’t you?”

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

[koishua]

a conversation by the ruby river.

characters: jay, gn!faerie!reader.

synopsis: a little insight into what being friends with a river faerie is like when you're a simple, curious boy.

length: 0.725k words.

notes: this is the result of listening to a hozier playlist uhh yeah anyways so i have no idea what the rules for writing faeries are, but this is... yeah take this as is idek what i did here haha hopefully you enjoy this brief look into jay and fae reader's cute friendship. this might not even make sense but bare with me here y'all

© KOISHUA 2022, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED | REBLOG! FEEDBACK!

Faintly, he hears the songs of the Forbidden Forest lulling the deers awake from their blissful slumber. The leaves rustle as the breeze blows through the sparsely spread out trees, affectionately stroking his warm skin as he treads carefully through the soft grass, mindful of the little critters crawling beneath his feet. He sees the pink clouds floating across the pale blue sky, unseeking of a particular destination. 

The early morning mist settles down by the time he excitedly arrives at a shallow creek, pulling out his sheets of paper all tied neatly down to a worn down leather no wider than the palm of his hand and as narrow as the inside of his palm, perfect to carry around in his secret endeavours in the outskirts of the small town where his house stands, facing the edges of the forest he is now located in.

Jay, carved into the leather bound notebook, is his name. 

He fishes out a wooden handle with a thin piece of metal attached to it, also rummaging through his satchel to pull out a container filled with ink in his favourite shade of blue; dark and azure, just like the eyes of the river faerie the pages of his book is filled by. 

Jay flips the pages to find an empty spot to run the tip of his pen over, already knowing just what he wants to portray. As the songbirds accompany him through each stroke that makes up your face, he waits for his muse to appear before him as always. True to habit, he hears the distinct splash from the river as red as rubies he sits before.

You are there, crouched elegantly over the boulder a little to his right, the stream of water divided into two around the large rock as it continues its journey downwards. Waving a hand at him, you chime a happy “Good morning, boy!”

His eyes train over your iridescent wings, just as mesmerized as the first time he’d seen them. “Hello, Faerie. You look quite ecstatic today. Did you finally get those spotted slippers you’ve been wanting?”

Your laugh rings delicately in his ears, a sweet little tune he adores hearing. To his delight, he hears it quite often whenever he is able to meet you on days like these. The air around you glows a faint yellow when you chuckle, meeting his question with an eager response, “No, but I have got even bigger news.”

Jay leans closer to the riverside, setting his page down with his pen. Equally, you step nearer, magically standing over the calmly running water, not at all disrupting its flow. “Look,” you point at a small insignia on your saturated skin, “I’m now old enough to cross the border. I’ll be able to visit you whenever I gather enough energy!”

“That’s great.” He finds himself hopping onto his feet with joy. “I can show you all of those things I have been telling you about then.”

You nod, dark blue eyes sparkling as though the stars in your irises are swimming in the place called space Jay has heard so much about. “Tomorrow, let’s meet by the Tree of Life, alright?”

Jay nods, pleased by the turn of events. “Understood. Then we can get you some of those pastries I brought with me two days ago and I’ll show you where I live.” 

Your brows set in a worried furrow, “Of course, I’ll have to disguise myself with your help too. I can’t be seen walking around with this hair and these wings.”

Jay, in his buzz, had forgotten about those small facts. Indeed, you’d have to hide your wings, which will be a shame, since he adores the way the light shines through the almost transparent structure. “I’ll see if I can find you some fitting clothes or something to blend you right in with us, but for that, I have to get back earlier, because the shops close soon. It’s a Sunday, so no one works much today.”

“That’s perfectly alright. You can go, I don’t mind.”

“Great, I’ll be back after my lessons tomorrow and bring you the things I could find.” He packs up his little station of items back into his satchel, careful not to smudge the ink that is still drying on the sheet. Sadly, he hadn’t gotten around with much progress on his drawing, but that could wait.

For now, he waves you goodbye and sets off to catch an open clothing shop before the sun fully rises right above his head.

permanent taglist (one). @shekllls @eternallyhyucks @yjwfav @speckled-sunshine @luvningkai @youreverydayzebra @ilandsghost @w3bqrl @candysofthours @moontines @rielleluvs @heefused @squiishymeow @just-uaau @catecita @namjoo-jay @shrutiajit @baekhyunstruly @changmin-wrlds @changminurheart @chewychubchuu @taegicarus @marknaeroni @enhacolor @heelariously @chaebb @nshitae @clarakyunisageek @aeonghaseyo @xiaosimp3 @misah0e @ily-cuz-i @jungwoniics @enha-hwajinna @todorokiskitten @bloom-bloom-pow

[ickymichi]

𝐃!𝐂𝐊 𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒

𝐒𝐄𝐈𝐉𝐎𝐇 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

<3 includes: oikawa toru, iwaizumi hajime, hanamaki takahiro, matsukawa issei.

<3 warnings: nsfw, a lot of dick talk,pube talk 😭i’m already laughing, describing peens, me being hrnknee for seijoh nothing new, me not being able to be serious

<3 things to know: as always, set in the timeskip! minors pls dni!

<3 a/n: ...i thought of this at 4:38am don’t say anything.this is just me being silly yuh. but, hope you enjoy my dears! reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

© all contents belongs to k1ttykawa 2021. please do not repost/modify on this or any other platform.

𝐎𝐈𝐊𝐀𝐖𝐀 𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔

♡ it’s gonna be hard for me to keep serious but i’ll try 😭

♡ anyway staring off with resident pretty boy which means, pretty boy pretty dick.

♡ definitely has more length then girth but he not a noodle. yk?

♡ got a slight curve to the right. definitely knows how to use his dick to get you wanting more.

♡ is circumcised.

♡ keeps is hair tidy and neat by trimming. went the full monty bald once and never again.

♡ over all yeah pretty dick to look at, wouldn’t mind having it down my throat. probably bout 6 inches ish.

𝐈𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐙𝐔𝐌𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐉𝐈𝐌𝐄

♡ hehehe girthy dick for a girthy man.

♡ pls have you seen iwaizumi hajime(27) athletic trainer? mf got a whole third leg‼️

♡ but yeah definitely more girth than length this time.

♡ no curve 😐just standing up straight. but shit down matter mf still rocks your shit every time

♡ is circumcised

♡ definitely used to go a while without shaving or trimming but now he just had a change of mind and does it way more often.

♡ but yaah vv nice dique love it. i’d say neeeearly 6 just tethering on the edge with a nice girth. isn’t too happy bout ‘kawa being bigger.

𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐈 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐎

♡ okay i know in all my hcs i always slander my mans but not today! only a little

♡ but makki is MY resident pretty boy so he also part of the pretty dick squad.

♡ definitely like oikawa, longer than thicker. hehe skinny dick

♡ curves to the left. he always thought his dick was broken till the boys told him it was normal

♡ his body hair is really fair everywhere so you can barely see it. but still trims it cause you don’t want a mouth full of pubes when you giving the good gawk gawk

♡ i definitely wouldn’t mind being face to face and choking on hiro’s dick any time of the week. maybe around 6 1/2 inches. definitely extremely happy to even be a little bigger than toru.

𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐀𝐖𝐀 𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐈

♡ i’m going off for my hubby.

♡ i just need to let this known before we begin. when they graduated they had a boys night to celebrate before oikawa and iwa left. this resulted in them all getting drunk and going into a room in pairs and flashing each other their dicks. makki went in with issei n he doesn’t know what he was expecting but it definitely wasn’t the fucking monster hanging between mfs legs. came out of the room with a shocked expression and told the others to ‘see for yourselves”. everyone had the same shocked expression that night

♡ but yes. biggest dick out of the four, out of all hq if i dare

♡ but doesn’t show off or be like yeah i’m hanging fuk you. is definitely quiet about it.

♡ which is why you were fucking speechless when he pulled it out for your guys first time. you literally are sitting there like 😟 and mf just like ...suprise ig.

♡ like you can tell he packing it with the undeniable bulge in every pair of trousers he wears.

♡ plsss mf wears sweatpants no boxers round the house just to get a reaction out of you.

♡ shit back to dique talk. yeah he’s hanging, got a third leg, huge balls blah blah stuff we been knew.

♡ but js mf definitely grows hair so fucking quick leaving him to have to trim at least twice a week.

♡ never went bald and never will. but never going back to a full bush. for your sake.

♡ doesn’t matter if mf doesn’t know how to use his dick.he does you still getting left unconscious.

♡ definitely had an incident where a chick nearly vommed on his dick if she didn’t pull off and run to the toilet.

♡ but overall, seggsy big man, seggsy big coque. 13 9 -10 inches and a girth to where your fingers aint meeting.

[oikadori]

Sleepover after Horror Film

A/N: I just thought this might be a cute scenario LMAO...considering my experience with horror movies hahahaha. I’m REALLY jumpy so each time I watch one of these I NEED to be with someone. Also we’re close to Halloween soo...Hope you like it! Thanks for reading!

Pairings: Sugawara x f!Reader, Bokuto x f!Reader, Kuroo x f!Reader

Genre: fluff, crack?

WC~1,4K

“Are those blankets ok?” Suga opens the door of his room, both of his hands stuffed with mugs of hot chocolate as he looks at you with soft eyes when you snuggle even more on his bed.

“Thank you for letting me stay, Koushi”, he smiles at you, handling you the hot ceramic, “How are you not scared??”

“Oh, I was, but you were ten times worse so that kind of calmed me down!” his airy laugh bounces in the room, making you pout. Your nerves tense up as you look at the clock hanging on his bedroom’s wall, “Are you really planning to stay up all night?”

“If it gets to 3am and nothing happens, I’ll sleep then”

You sip the hot drink as Suga sits beside you, yawning. He glances at you, a devilish grin growing on his face as he gently grasps your mug, making you frown.

“I won’t let any scary girl come out of the TV to take you away” He loops his arms around you, placing you on his lap gently before kissing the back of your neck, emphasizing his words.

Just as Suga was leaning close to your face, a bird stomps against the window next to his bed, causing a loud thump. Your high pitch shriek makes Suga jolt, instantly covering you completely with his much bigger figure as he looks over his shoulder at the glass.

Your grip on the neck of his sweater is still tight a few minutes after. He places his warm palms on your shaky hands before giggling with nervousness, trying to ease you.

“I told you, your cool boyfriend is going to protect you” you feel as if you can breathe again and the color returns to your face, “Sleep, Y/N. I’ll watch the clock until 3am”

“A-Are you serious Koushi?”

“If that makes you feel safe, angel, I’ll do anything” you stare into his big brown eyes, embarrassed at your childish demand as heat spread on your checks.

“But if some other bird crash against the window or any other animal wants to make his appearance this lovely night, I’ll carry you to your house, no matter the hour”

Suga’s sweet chuckles make your heartbeat slow down, a faint smile appears on your lips as you bury your face on his chest. He looks at your small figure before pecking your head lightly.

“Suga, you’re amazing” you mumble, interwinding his fingers with yours.

“I am, aren’t I?”, he chuckles again as his heartbeat lulls you into sleep, all the scary scenes fading with each circle he traces on your back.

As a result, your eyelids grow heavier and he watches you closely. A big smile spreads on his face when they finally give in to the tiredness and tugs you closer to his chest.

“See? There’s nothing to fear about, pretty angel”

“You look way too comfortable, ace”

Bokuto turns to you, head below your bed sheets and pout on his lips as you throw an oversized t-shirt over your head, walking out of your bathroom. His hair falls over his forehead as he pulls the blanket down, pressing it against his head.

“Why did you take so long?”

“I–Koutaro I was, like, 6 feet away from you!”

“Don’t you remember the movie??” he leans forward, his eyes searching for any glimpse of fear in yours, “Bad things always happen when they go to the bathroom”

He pulls back huffing at the smile that twirls on your lips, his teeth clamp together, noticing how cool you act after the heart attack he almost had.

“Awww don’t be scared, Kou.”, you coo, cupping his cheeks, his eyes drifting away, avoiding your playful stare as red tints his cheeks, “Your girlfriend is here”

“I was supposed to say that!”

Bokuto narrows his eyes at you, causing you to chuckle before giving him a soft peck. He moves his arm, lifting the blanket for you to snuggle up. In a quick movement, you find yourself in between his arms as he throws the cozy fabric over both of you.

“Guess your plan didn’t work, huh?”, you can’t see the way his cheeks turn bright red but feel his body tensing up a little as his bulky arms tight their hold around you.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Oh, so there was no special reason for you to be so persistent in watching a horror movie?”, you turn to look at him, quirking a brow as a mischievous grin grows on your face, “Sorry Kou but I’m not a jumpy person–“

Suddenly, your room goes black, darkness filling every corner, causing you to shriek. In less than a second, the ace is searching for your waist with sloppy touches to bring you closer. When he feels your hands on his shoulders his heartbeat stops pounding on his ears.

“I’m here”

“Don’t let go of me” he whispers shyly, and you instantly stop your hand from moving to reach for your phone.

You hug him closer, looping your legs around his waist in a koala way as you shake your head lightly, giggling. His breath fans your neck and you feel his muscles relaxing.

“Baby, you hate horror movies so much, if you wanted to sleep with me you only had to ask”

In less than a second, Bukoto’s face moves away from your neck and despite the darkness you catch golden eyes staring into yours.

“So you knew from the beginning??”

“Sorta”

You feel his embarrassed stare in the dark and search quickly for his cheeks, planting a bunch of tender kisses, tracing his skin. A smile curves on his lips against yours.

“You are devilish, doll”

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Your heavy eyelids open a little as you adjust your position on top of Kuroo’s chest. One of his hands is running your sides while the other rest peacefully on his stomach, his amber eyes are contemplating the ceiling when you look at him.

“I can ask you the same, Kitten”

He looks down at you as your hands rub your eyes, trying to shove away the sleepiness.

“What are you thinking, Tetsu”, a grin creeps on the corner of his lips as you wrap an arm around his torso, yawning before looking again at him with interest.

“It’s so ridiculous”

“What–“

“The movie, you know that’s not how blood works, don’t you? And don’t make me start about the ‘I’ll go alone towards the suspicious sound’’ cliché”

His voice shows annoyance, and you frown at him, resting your chin on his chest.

“It was really convincing!” he chuckles with closed eyes and pats lightly your head, “Stop teasing! It really scared me��“

“I know, kitten, that’s what you asked me to stay, isn’t it?”

“I'm regretting it now”, you turn away, crossing your arms and pouting. Kuroo clicks his tongue, amused, as his fingers brush your back sending a shiver to your stomach.

“Aww, don’t get mad at me. You look cute, scared like that, makes me want to protec–“

The sound of metal hitting the wooden floor makes both of you jolt. You turn to him, eyes filled with fear, and to your surprise your boyfriend shared the same look at you.

“Are your windows closed? Maybe the wind threw something off the–

A louder thump echoes from the hall, cutting of Kuroo’s explanation attempt. 

“Go to check”

“Me?”

“That’s why you are here”, he looks at your room’s closed door, resting on his elbows as he obligates his feet to fall onto the floor, “You said you’ll protect me” you push slightly his back as a final blow.

“I’m going! But – it’ll be smarter to go together”

“You are scared, too!”

“No. I’m being intelligent–” he sits on the edge of your bed as you smile teasingly at him, poking his back. “–If there is someone, it’ll be one and a half against one”

“You– I hate you. Go already!”

He grins, fighting the urge to ask you again to go with him as he stands and walks to the handle, he opens it carefully and peeks his head out of your room. Kuroo steps further, his back disappearing into the hall before a gasp leaves his lips.

“What happened, are you alright?” you lean on the edge of the bed, gripping tightly the bed covers as Kuroo enters again with a little cat on his arms, a cocky grin on his face, “How–?”

“It seems…you were not the only kitten in the house”

A/N: uGHHH I have like two requests but I really wanted to finish this first soo maybe for next week the requests will be done. As a said in my Requests post this month I’m kind of busy :( 

❀Thanks for reading!❀

@kouffee-ink​ 

 Please reblog if you like it ⟳

↳ ∴ Master List ∴

[nibeul]

Please I want to know more about your clones 🤔🤔

I am so late to responding to this but GLADLY!! I love gushing about them though I have so many (like 50 I think) so I will try to stick to my main group ahh :)

Cross (he/him): Cross was my first clone OC ever, so he holds a very special place in my heart even if I do not draw him often enough. He’s a commander (CC-0044) and was present on Geonosis, though later returned to Kamino to help Alpha with the CC training program.

He got his scar in 21BBY and it’s actually not from the battlefield (none of his scars are actually from the battlefield). The scar comes from being whipped by a lightsaber hilt, which sounds funny out of context, but it wasn’t an accident.

He’s batchmates with @katanrocksketches ‘s OC Asch! The two were pretty close when they were in training, and Cross got his name before leaving Kamino. It was given to him because of his kind of uhhh, “cross nature” or disposition pfft. He softens up a bit between 22BBY-20BBY though the walls go up again after that :’)

Coming off Kamino, he was a stickler for rules and was not a big fan of clones tattooing themselves/dying their hair and whatnot (he didn’t even like having a name at first though his batchmates used it enough that it begrudgingly stuck). After meeting Sunny though, he lets him do one tattoo and ends up getting his number underneath his left eye. It is like, staying to how he believes they should be while also accepting that it’s ok to be individual.

Cross’s favorite color is red because for him, red represents Ando (my Padawan OC) and they are very close (NOT IN A ROMANTIC WAY. He sees Ando as his little brother or kih’vod to protect).

Cross actually does not know a lot of Mando’a because of his belief that they should not try to be seen as individuals. He distanced himself from anything that he considered “individualization”, and Mando’a was included in that. Sunny teaches him a little bit later down the line, and Ando also teaches him and Ten (another clone OC of mine) some Togruti, too

Part of Cross’s strict disposition comes from being subject to Priest’s death circles on more than one occasion (I might retcon that to Adral—a mando OC of mine—because I hate KT Ugh).

By the end of the war, he carries a lot of guilt. He loses a lot of the people he’s closest to because of his actions/orders, and he uh. Doesn’t live past O66 :’) he does get a very quick.. redemption.. arc.. kinda..

Sunny (he/him): Sunny was my second clone OC made around the same time as Cross, and he also holds a very special place in my heart :) I really love clone medics, there is just something about them that makes my brain go brrrr. I also think the irony of his name is great

Sunny’s name was originally Sers, but after writing him for a few weeks, I changed it because I thought Sunny fit better. His name was given to him by his batchmate, Aran, and while he vehemently protested against it, the name ended up sticking. He won’t admit that he actually likes it (though the tattoo and painting of his armor say otherwise anyway)

Sunny is the CMO of the 409th Corps (my OC military group basically). He’s a Lieutenant (or at a rank around there, definitely a CO at the least) and he does not back down. Ever. Even the people who outrank him will fall into line if he tells them to, Jedi included. He is not afraid to pull rank as a Medic, and his resting bitch face can be very scary

On the same line of thought as the rbf, he is basically perpetually scowling. He does not look approachable at all

Sunny loses the entirety of his batch on Geonosis, including Aran who he holds onto while he is dying. The Jedi leading Sunny’s company was.. not accustomed to war and failed to adapt when it was needed. Because of this, Sunny doesn’t necessarily harbor a dislike of Jedi, though he does not really trust many of them in leading positions. He also does not like that there are kids being put in the role of commander, he does see many Padawan deaths (he later comforts a dying Padawan that he was close to, I think I wrote part of that scene for myself and it was kinda upsetting oof) —> he gets his tattoo/paints his armor in order to honor his dead batchmates

Throughout the war, Sunny gets seriously injured only once after going down in an LAAT (where he nearly ends up dying too). Boost finds him, though he’s kinda accepted that he’s not gonna make it (I mean he does but it doesn’t look like he will for a bit). After Flip (younger clone OC) dies, he doesn’t really care if he kicks the bucket either :’)

Sunny is the only one out of my main gang to make it past O66. His chip doesn’t work at all, though he has to fight through his brothers (aha, the only ones who are still alive that he is close with) in order to save a Jedi youngling that was in the medbay at the time. After that, he goes on the run with the kid (clone dad clone dad) and offers his services as a doctor in the outer rim in order to keep them afloat

Boost (he/him) (she/her) [either or, there is no real preference]: Boost has gone through a lot of changes design wise. He started out as Dax, but then Dax became another OC, then she was Boost, though she had kinda short hair that was pushed back by a headband, then his hair was buzzed, and now we are finally at long hair Boost. Idk how to describe, but she is very shaped I think

Boost for his nickname from bear hugging his batchmates and lifting them off the ground when doing so. Also from fucking around in training where he threw another one of his batchmates in order to get from one ledge to another. All around just a name with silly origins that she liked and decided to keep

Boost and Sol are batchmates!

Boost is very tactically intelligent. She’s good at thinking on her feet, sees the bigger picture before focusing on details, good problem solver, etc. He is an ARC after all, there is good reason for his status and rank as a Lieutenant. That being said, he can also be very very stupid in the sense that off the battlefield, he’s oblivious. He does enjoy being the jokester of the group, and he sometimes plays up his dumbassery for jest, though yeah, a lot of people assume that he is not smart because of his demeanor which is very wrong

Boost is terrible. Terrible at braiding her hair. Sol is the best at braiding it, though she would never admit that even if everyone knows it. He started growing his hair out once they were off Kamino and hasn’t stopped since despite the fact that is technically not within regulations. Cross turns a blind eye and Ko (Jedi General) could not care less for inconsequential regulations like that

Boost is really good with kids, but good in the way a uhh.. chaotic uncle/auntie is. He’s a lot of fun to be around with, and being around kids makes him even more rambunctious than usual. He can be what is considered “childish”, pulling pranks and everything but like, he is very emotionally mature and knows when to be serious. Again, a lot of people kinda just boil her down to “dumb” which is really wrong, though it doesn’t bug him a lot.

Boost has a big sweet tooth!! He loves getting sweets when they’re on Coruscant, which they actually tend to visit frequently enough because of Ko’s status as a Sentinel (and also because Ko benefits what the Republic sees as the “propaganda machine” as a prominent General with a good track record).

Boost is romantically involved with @buttsalsa ‘s civilian OC Esta. I reblogged some art of them the other day, they are very cute :D

Boost doesn’t make it to Order 66 :’) I actually wrote out his death and cried after going back to read it LMAO It was rough

Sol (he/him): Sol was made as a package deal with Boost, and I feel bad because I think he gets overshadowed a lot but he is kinda like the rock for the group. When he dies, things really start to crumble but uh!! That is a sad thought for another time. Anyways, like I said, he is basically the rock and also a voice of reason for Boost’s shenanigans

Sol got his nickname after reading through some flimsi that their trainer had given him. He didn’t know if it had any meaning, but he liked the way it sounded and immediately began using it. Boost quickly picked up on it and the rest of their batch was very supportive

Sol loves reading. He specifically likes reading history, and Ando slips him what he can (fun fact, when Sol dies, Boost returns to their bunk to find a couple of holobooks that Ando had left and breaks down aha.. pain). Whenever he doesn’t feel like keeping Boost from causing trouble, he just sits in a quiet corner and reads his books while everything erupts in chaos around him

Sol’s favorite beverage is tea which Ko introduced him to. He has a few boxes he keeps with him when he can, and he shares them with Boost sometimes though he has to add a lot of sugar/honey in order to do that. If he could drink tea all the time, he could. On the flipside, he absolutely loathes coffee and doesn’t understand how Sunny can drink multiple cups on a day

Sol is kinda like the person that everyone is friends with even if they don’t realize it. He’s like.. the perfect emotional pillar, kinda the therapist friend in a group that desperately needs therapy. He’s more of a listener than a talker which is why it’s easy to overlook him, but he insists that he doesn’t mind much. That being said, it’s only once he’s gone that people start to realize just how much he did (aside from Boost who already thought the world of him)

Sol is also an ARC trooper, having gone through the training program together with Boost. He doesn’t have the same tactical knowledge that Boost does, but he’s good at mediating, long range combat, and also working through plans (he’s pretty meticulous). He and Boost balance each other out well, since he is like the “slow and steady” one out of them.

Sol is the first to go out of the main four (second out of my bigger group of six). He and his entire platoon are wiped out in a massacre as a result of false intel.. man :’)

Anyways, thank you for enabling to ramble about my ocs ToT I honestly just needed to infodump shdjf

[thetravelerwrites]

Dr. Mael Halvorg (Finale) Lemon

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Male Part-Fae/Female Part Fae Additional Tags: Exophilia, Monster Boyfriend, Fae, Reader Insert, Genetics Content Warnings: Children, Pregnancy, Incubation, Birth, Babies, Surgery, Male Infertility, Mention of Cancer Words: 4233

The finale of @ivymemnoch​‘s commission! The reader takes Dr. Halvorg on a weekend trip for his birthday and changes his life forever. Please reblog and leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist

The plus sign on the stick had taken you by surprise. You don’t know why, though; you knew this was probably going to happen eventually when you decided to stop your birth control. Of course, you didn’t expect it to happen so soon, since he was still recovering and potentially wouldn’t necessarily be any more fertile than he had been before, but considering how prolific your family was, it shouldn’t have been a shock.

Three months after Maël’s surgery, his test results had been not quite normal but favorable, and he was already talking to you about perhaps finding a surrogate and in-vitro fertilization, getting your opinion and making sure you’d be okay with it. You told him to wait, perhaps, and give himself more time to allow his… swimmers… to get stronger. You hadn’t told him you were already prepared to carry his child for him. You wanted it to be a surprise. A gift.

But now, after dating for six months, there it was. Right there on the ultrasound screen: a tiny little baby belly bean, no bigger than your thumb. Whatever doubts you had were always drowned out by one sentence.

He’s going to be so happy.

You went into his office after getting home from the OBGYN, having told him you were simply going in for your normal bi-yearly check-up. He was working, like always, but he looked up when you came in and smiled.

“How’d it go?” He asked you.

“Totally normal and healthy,” You replied. The both of us.

“I’m glad to hear that,” He said, putting down his pen. “No lunch with Amai? It’s Wednesday.”

“I know,” You said. “But I wanted to spend time with you.”

His smile widened and he opened his arms. You went over and sat in his lap, giving him a kiss.

“So, you’re birthday is coming up,” You said nonchalantly.

He snorted. “I haven’t celebrated my birthday in over one hundred years.”

“All the more reason to do it now!” You insisted. “I want to take you on a weekend trip. There’s somewhere special I want you to see.”

“And what would that be?” He asked, smiling at you fondly.

“A surprise,” You said, twitching his nose. “It’s in New York, though.”

His head rocked back. “That’s a ways away. Why are we going so far?”

“You’ll see. Do you want to go? Please?” You looked up through your lashes at him, being playful, hoping you weren’t being too weird and that he didn’t suspect anything.

“Well, alright. I don’t really have much work to do right now.”

You sat up and looked at him in shock, laughing. “I totally didn’t expect you to agree!”

He hugged you close and laughed too. “Well, there’s no reason not to, I suppose. And I’ll do just about anything for you if you ask nicely enough. God, it’s been ages since I actually took an actual vacation.”

“See? Perfect timing.” You bit your lip and looked at the door slyly. “Does the door lock?”

His eyes flicked to the door and back to you, narrowing them. “Yes. But the room isn’t soundproof.”

“I can be quiet. Promise.”

You thought he’d decline and say it was inappropriate to be intimate in his office, that he’d see you after he was done working and then the two of you could play back at his massive suite. Which was now your suite as well, as you’d moved in with him about a month ago.

What you didn’t expect was him to grin sinfully at you and get up, closing the blinds. He went around to lock the door and sat on the couch on the opposite side of his desk and patted his lap. Smirking, you joined him.

Climbing into his lap slowly, straddling him, you went in for a deep, probing kiss, dragging your fingernails down his chest over his shirt. He groaned against your lips and put his hands on your legs, petting under your skirt and slip, raking his fingers against the lip of your stockings. You’d taken to wearing stockings because he rather liked them. It seemed to do a lot to turn him on, especially when they were all you were wearing. He also had a corset fetish, too, but you couldn’t wear a corset all the time, especially around the children, so stockings were a happy medium.

He kneaded your buttocks under your skirt as you reached between the two of you and unbuckled his pants, unzipped the zipper, and reached in, fondling him over his underwear. His groaned deepened and he squirmed underneath you, his head falling back onto the cushions.

You started kissing his neck, pulling up his shirt and running your hands up his back. He had large, curious scales on his back, an artifact of his fae heritage. They were a lot like pangolin scales: wide, brown, and ridged. He often wore special padded shirts, because normal shirts were shredded by the end of the day. You thought they were adorable and loved grooming them for him, which he greatly enjoyed and made him almost purr, though you could cut a finger on them if you weren’t careful.

He reached under you and pulled your panties aside, lining himself up with your entrance. You sank slowly down onto him, drawing it out, and he hissed in a breath, biting his lip to keep quiet. You began to move on him, and he moved under you, thrusting up as you thrust down. He was always a very active, enthusiastic participant during sex, even if you took the lead. One hundred years of celibacy might have had something to do with that.

He flipped your skirt up and tucked it into your waistband so that he could watch himself go into and out of you, watch your thighs flex and contract, and run his thumbs up the straps of your stockings. You pulled the tie from his white-blonde hair and shook it out of it’s neat braid, letting it fall around his shoulders so that you could play with and tug on it. His pace quickened, and you matched his rhythm, the both of you beginning to pant and moan, quickly suppressed.

There was a knock on his door. “Dr. Halvorg? I need your signature on these invoices.”

He pulled you against his shoulder, muffling your sounds of pleasure, but he didn’t stop thrusting. You bit into his shoulder to keep yourself for crying out.

“What are they for?” He called through the door, his voice remarkably even-sounding.

“For the medical equipment from Broadchurch,” The assistant said.

“No, no, we never got the product, we’re not paying that,” He said, for all the world sounding like he was sitting as his desk staring at paperwork and not railing you on his couch.

“I’m going to cum,” You whispered into his ear.

“You promised to stay quiet,” He told you just as silently.

“I can’t!” You responded desperately.

“You promised.”

“So what should I do?” The assistant said, seemingly none the wiser that you were about to explode.

“Call them and ask where our equipment is. Until they locate it, they’re not getting a penny.”

You balled up his shirt in your hands and gritted your teeth as you came, gushing on him and holding your breath to stay quiet. You made a squeak, and his hand closed on your throat.

“Shh, shh,” He hushed.

“I’ll call them back, but I don’t think they’ll be very helpful,” The assistant replied. “They haven’t responded to any of the emails. The only communication is from emails.”

“Send them an email, then. I’m busy, though, so get on with it,” He said impatiently, staring at your face as your orgasm crested and ebbed, keeping a firm grip on your neck.

“Yes, sir,” The assistant said. You heard their footsteps recede.

“Oh, fuck,” You breathed.

“You did well,” He said, allowing his breathing to go fast and shallow. God, he had amazing self restraint. “Good girl. Stay still, I’m almost there.”

His pace became frenetic and bounced you high on his lap. He let go your your throat and gripped your hips, slamming you down upon him. He grunted, getting a little red in the face as he smacked his body into you.

You felt him release inside you, pulsing against your inner walls. When he was done, he flipped you over and lay you down on the couch, watching his seed well up and out of you to drip down onto the vinyl couch. He always did that, and you weren’t sure why.

You went to the en-suite bathroom to clean yourself up and brought him a wet towel so that he could do the same. When you were both done and had straightened your clothes, you spent a few minutes making out against his desk before he sighed.

“I should help my assistant contact the supply company. He’s a bit of a pushover, the poor kid.” Maël smiled down at you. “That was nice. We should do that more often.”

“We almost got caught!” You objected.

“Hey, it was your idea,” He said, grinning. “I’m looking forward to whatever you have planned for our trip. I’m sure it’ll be amazing.”

“It definitely will be. I promise.” You kissed him one more time, lingering for a moment, before unlocking the door and letting yourself out.

Next week, Saturday morning, you took a plane out to Albany, New York, and drove a rental car to a house in Glenmont. When you stopped in the driveway, Maël looked at you with confusion and a little bit of apprehension.

“I don’t understand,” He said. “What are we doing here?”

“You’ll see,” You replied. “Come on.”

You walked him up to the front door and knocked. A young woman in her forties or fifties answered.

“Hello?”

“Hi, are you Mrs. Winston?”

“Oh, yes, you must be the young woman I spoke to over the phone!” She said. “Come in, come in. He’s in the parlor.”

“Thank you so much.” You stepped into the house with Maël following. You could feel the curiosity and confusion radiating off of him.

You were led into a sitting room where a man in a wheelchair was reading a paper at a table. He was quite old, by human standards, in his mid-eighties perhaps. He was hooked up to an IV and had an oxygen cannula in his nostrils.

“Dad?” The woman said softly. “You’ve got visitors.”

The man looked up at the two of you. Despite his advanced age, he seemed completely within his faculties.

“Are you the woman I talk to?” He asked you.

“Yes, sir,” You responded. “Thank you for agreeing to see us.”

“It’s no problem,” He said. He was staring at Maël.

You pulled him forward. “Dr. Maël Halvorg,” You said to Maël. “I’d like you to meet Dr. Maël Halvorg. Robert’s son.”

Maël’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped in shock. He seemed unable to speak. You smiled at him encouragingly and nudged him forward.

He cleared his throat and held out his hand. “It’s a genuine pleasure to meet you, sir,” Maël said in a small voice. “May I sit down.”

“Please,” The man, Dr. Halvorg, said, shaking Maël’s hand and gesturing toward the chairs. You and Maël took a seat.

“Do you know who I am, sir?” Maël asked tentatively.

“I do,” Dr. Halvorg responded. “You raised my father.”

“Yes,” Maël said, smiling in relief. “I loved your father very much.”

“I know you did,” Dr. Halvorg replied. “My father spoke of a lot when I was growing up.”

“Is he… is he alive?”

“No. I’m afraid he died about eleven years ago,” Dr. Halvorg said sadly.

Maël sighed and hung his head a little. “I suspected that might be the case, but I hoped.” He looked back up at the older gentleman. “Did he grow up okay? What kind of man was he? I apologize, but I just have so many questions.”

Dr. Halvorg chuckled. “It’s no trouble. Honestly, I was hoping I might get to meet you one day.”

Maël smiled. “You were?”

“Oh, yes. May father told me so many stories about you when we kids were growing up.”

“How many children did he have?” Maël asked earnestly.

“Four sons,” Dr. Halvorg replied. “He was a great father and a brilliant man, though he said he had a rough start.”

Maël nodded. “Yes, Robert had some learning disabilities that made certain things difficult.”

“He told me that many people said he was lazy and stupid, and that you were the only one who believed he could learn. You dedicated much of your time to helping him.”

“Yes,” Maël said. “Being in school made him quite frustrated and sad, so I took him from school and taught him myself at home. He seemed to respond positively to that.”

“Indeed, he did,” Dr. Halvorg replied. “It was because of you that my dad became a teacher.”

“Robert was a teacher?” Maël asked delightedly.

“Oh, yes,” Dr. Halvorg responded. “He taught children much like himself, the ones who needed special attention and care. He was well respected in his field and much loved by his students. He didn’t want to retire, in fact. It was age and illness that forced him to stop.”

Maël held a hand to his chest. “I’m so proud to hear that. Robert was always a determined boy, so I’m so pleased to learn he kept at it.”

“He struggled, I’m afraid,” Dr. Halvorg admitted. “After his mother, my grandmother, left you for his biological father, things changed quite a bit. His father was not as understanding or as patient as you had been and set him back rather badly.”

Maël frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“As far as my memory goes, he never called that man ‘father.’ As far as he was concerned, you were his dad. But his biological father insisted on wiping you out of their lives. That’s why he had to hide that.” Dr. Halvorg pointed to a picture on the mantle. “Young lady, could you kindly retrieve that?”

“Of course,” You said, standing up and going to the mantle, where there was a black-and-white photograph in a frame. It was Maël, wearing fine early twentieth century clothes, his hair cut short and wearing a flat cap. He was standing with his hands on the shoulders of a young boy, perhaps eight, wearing similar clothes. You took it and handed it to Dr. Halvorg, who gave it to Maël.

Maël stared at the picture, his eyes bright and glittering with tears. “I never thought I’d see his face again.”

“Keep that,” Dr. Halvorg said. “He’d have wanted you to.”

“Oh, I couldn’t!” Maël said. “This is yours!”

“I have digital copies,” Dr. Halvorg said dismissively. “In any case, I won’t be needing it much longer anyway. Stage four lung cancer, you see.”

“I’m so sorry,” Maël said mournfully. “Can anything be done?”

Dr. Halvorg shook his head. “I’ve lived a good life. I have children, and grandchildren, a beautiful wife, a wonderful job. The one thing I wanted was to meet my father’s father. Not that other man who did his best to tear my father down. The man who did his best to lift my father up. You. And I’ve done that. I can go now content.”

Maël’s restraint cracked, and he wept. “I appreciate that very much,” He said in a strangled whisper.

Maël and Dr. Halvorg talked for hours, recounting stories from both Robert’s childhood and adulthood. Dr. Halvorg showed Maël pictures of his siblings and children. Maël told Dr. Halvorg about his life’s work in reviving dying races. You watched the two of them interacting, and it made your heart swell with gladness. You’d never seen Maël so happy and excitable.

Finally, nearing sundown, you realized that Dr. Halvorg was becoming tired. His daughter came in to give him his evening meal and medication, and the two of you said goodbye.

“It has been an absolute joy, Dr. Halvorg,” Maël said, shaking Dr. Halvorg’s hand. “You lovely daughter has my number and my email, so please keep in touch.”

“My pleasure,” Dr. Halvorg said. “You have a nice trip back with your lady, Grandad.”

Maël laughed and teared up again. “I will.”

Outside, before you could get back in the car, Maël pulled you into a tight, warm hug.

“Thank you,” He whispered into your hair softly. “Thank you so much. I love you. I love you. I can never repay you for this.”

“What about a diamond ring and a pretty white dress?” You asked, wiping his tears and smiling up at him.

He laughed. “It’s a deal.”

Back at the hotel, he sat on the bed and stared at the photograph, pointing out little marks on Robert’s face and telling you stories about them. You listened with your head on his shoulder.

Eventually he stopped and placed the frame carefully in his suitcase.

“Are you hungry? I’m starving. Let’s order something.”

“Before we do,” You said. “I have a birthday gift for you.”

He chuckled incredulously. “Honey, I appreciate that, but honestly, there’s no possible way you could have topped what you gave me today.”

“Are you sure about that?” You asked, going to your suitcase and pulling out a small rectangular box. “Here, open it.”

The second he saw the pregnancy test, he fell to his knees, sobbing loudly, his head pressed against the floor. You knelt next to him and rubbed his back, letting him get it all out. Years of despair, pain, and sadness being released. You’re sure he was overwhelmed, so you waited in silence and lay your head against him.

“Is this real?” He choked.

“It’s real,” You assured him. “I have an ultrasound picture.”

His head popped up, tears streaming down his face. “Can I see it?”

“Of course,” You said, pulling it from your purse.

“Oh, my God,” He wept, staring at the small bean in the picture. “Oh, my God. It’s mine?”

“Yes, honey, it’s yours,” You said. “We can do a paternity test if you want, but I promise you it’s your baby.”

He stopped being able to speak and just cried. He cried for a very long time. You picked him up and laid him in the bed and ordered some food. While waiting for it, you climbed into bed and held him.

“Are you okay?” He asked after some time.

“Me? Yeah, I’m completely fine. Are you okay? You were crying pretty hard there. I’m surprised you haven’t fallen asleep. I’d be exhausted.”

“That’s not what I mean,” He said, lifting your chin so you were looking at him. “Are you okay with having a baby? I know I’ve been talking about wanting to have a child for as long as we’ve known each other, but is this what you want?”

“Yes, it is,” You told him. “I stopped my birth control months ago.”

“You didn’t tell me you’d done that,” He said.

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” You said, stroking his cheek.

“You. Are. Amazing,” He breathed. “I am so happy. Happier than I have any business being, and it’s all because of you.”

“You deserve to be happy, Maël,” You said. “Don’t ever thin’ otherwise.”

He pressed his forehead against yours. “I love you.”

“I love you back.”

Yenuno and Amai we’re overjoyed to hear the good news, and the children also seemed to be happy to have a new playmate coming. Maël seemed unable to stop smiling. He took time off from work to take care of you during the worst of your morning sickness and was present for every doctor’s appointment, every ultrasound, every time you even texted him. If you asked, he’d drop anything he was doing to come and help you.

His little girl was born in the spring, and he named her Roberta. He took her everywhere with him, rarely putting her down for any reason, even keeping her on his shoulder when he was working. The joy that radiated from him was infectious, and everyone near him couldn’t help but smile at his brand new attitude.

You planned your wedding for fall that same year, and afterward, you and Maël were able to take Roberta up to New York to meet Dr. Halvorg. He passed away a few weeks later. You and Maël attended his funeral, and as Dr. Halvorg was buried in the same family plot as Robert, Maël got the chance to visit his son’s grave for the very first time.

“Hi, Robert,” He said softly, kneeling down in front of the headstone. You waited with Roberta asleep in your arms a few paces back.

“I’m sorry,” Maël said, his voice breaking. “I’m sorry I didn’t do more when your mother took you. I wish I had fought to keep you, but I didn’t think I had any right. I just wanted to know where you had gone and if you were safe, but she told me nothing about where you were going and disappeared. I bribed the men at the train station and the docks to look through the ledgers, to try and find your name, but I never found it.

“I will always blame myself for not doing more, for not stepping in and making sure we could keep in contact. I should have taken it to the courts and let them decide, but I… I was scared they would determine I trying to hold on to something that wasn’t mine.”

Maël sniffed and wiped his eyes.

“I just wish I had one more chance,” He continued. “I wish I could have had a phone call, at the very least, to talk to you and hear your voice and tell you what I should have said back then. That it didn’t matter whose child you were biologically or legally. I was your father. You were my son. Nothing would ever change that.” His voice cracked further. “You will always be my son.”

After a moment silent tears hitting the grass where Robert lay sleeping, Maël straightened up an took a deep breath.

“I know where you are now, and I’ll come visit again, you and my grandson,” Maël said. He laughed. “I can’t believe you named your son after me. I’m honored more than I can tell you.”

Maël turned to you and opened his arms for the sleeping form of his daughter, his face wet with tears, and you passed her over.

“You have a baby sister, Robert,” He said, smiling. “I named her after you. She’s always smiling and happy. She reminds me so much of you when you were little that it’s kind of scary. I think the two of you would have been best friends. I’ll make sure she knows all about you.”

You put a hand on his back and rubbed gently. He kissed Roberta’s forehead and tiny little ear.

“We have to go now, Robert. You’re baby sister is going to wake up soon and be hungry. But I’ll come back to see you again, I swear. This time, I promise I’ll come back.”

As winter crested into spring again, Roberta was walking and had said her first word: “Daddy.”

You were still teaching at the facility, and had taken up the job permanently. Yenuno and Amai’s little girls were Roberta’s favorite playmates, though they had been warned to be careful, as Roberta developed more slowly than they did.

“Can we have another one? Please?” Maël asked one night as he watched gleefully as Roberta used her fat baby fists to shove raviolies in her mouth.

“Give me another year, but yes,” You replied.

“A year!” Maël whined. “That’s so long!”

“Don’t sass me,” You told him. “A year and no sooner. Besides, you still have more work to do. Did you get in touch with the Celtic Fae Council?”

“Yes, finally,” He replied, picking up his fork. “I didn’t realize how much red tape was involved. Genetic testing is underway. So far, there have been three men with similar blockages as mine. There are also a few women who were born missing one or both ovaries. We’re trying to trace back when this infertility spike started, but it could have been a millennium ago.” He laughed as Roberta threw a ravioli across the room. “I think she’s done, she’s just smashing them into her tray now.” He stood up and swept her up out of her seat, not even caring about the marinara stains on his shirt. “Come on, sweet pea, let’s take a bath. Eh? Eh, princess?”

He bounced her and she squealed.

You got up from your seat and came up behind him, circling him around the waist with your arms.

“You’re a good dad, honey,” You told him. “Roberta’s lucky. We both are. And so is our future children.”

He turned in your grip and kissed you. “If luck exists, you brought it with you. None of this would have happened without you. You are a miracle.”

You kissed him again and pushed him toward the bathroom. “She’s putting ravioli in your hair.”

He belly laughed and headed for the bathroom. You followed and marveled at how much had changed, wondering how it would change again. You looked forward to it.

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience! To help me continue creating, please consider becoming a Patron or donating directly to my PayPal!

Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[lindstromm]

Simplified Bookbinding: Buy Good Glue

In the first post in the Simplified Bookbinding series (How to Make a Cheap First Book), I explained the four steps to binding your own book. Because it was a crappy first-effort practice book and I didn’t want to ask you to buy anything special, I used Elmer’s school glue. You can see what’s already happening to the book. The end papers are pulling off the cover; the cover is coming off the boards; even the binding has split and pages are going to start falling out.

The most important bookbinding supply to upgrade immediately is the GLUE. In this post, I’ll go through the four standard steps of bookbinding and talk about what kind of glue you need for each step. Here are the steps:

Step 1. Format the text and print it. (No glue required.)

Step 2. Create the text block. (The glue is incredibly important for this step and I will tell you exactly what to buy.)

Step 3. Create the case. (You need a decent craft-strength glue. I’ll explain some options, but there’s a lot of leeway in this glue choice.)

Step 4. Attach the case to the text block. (I’ll give you a couple of pointers, and then you can choose your own glue as you develop the technique.)

If any other bookbinders @renegadepublishing​ want to reblog and add glue comments, please go ahead. There are so many glue tips and tricks, and what you can get varies with what part of the world you’re in, so the more perspectives, the more helpful it is.

Long post with pictures and astonishing amounts of glue geekery under the cut.

Step Two: Create the text block.

To put the pages together, whether you’re perfect binding or sewing signatures, you must use PVA bookbinding glue. The description should also say things like “archival quality” and “acid-free” and “PH neutral” and “non-toxic.” There are several brand names of PVA bookbinding glue. I bought Lineco brand from Amazon.

Step Three: Create the case.

The glue to create the case is basically any glue that permanently sticks paper and cloth and cardboard together. I watched Sea Lemon’s glue video and went to a craft store with my list of glue brands she recommended and couldn’t find any of them. So I picked up a bottle of Aleene’s Tacky Glue and an Elmer’s Craft-Strength Glue Stick mostly because that was all the store had. They’ve worked out great and I’ve never tried anything else.

Check the glue descriptions for those important words like ‘archival quality’ and ‘non-toxic.’ I figure any glue that claims it’s safe for photos is safe for bookbinding.

A case for a book is made out of cover boards (stiff, strong and thin cardboard) which are covered in either bookcloth or cardstock (See Simplified Bookbinding: Cardstock Covers). Those things will all warp if they get wet. Glue is wet. Creating a case means using enough glue to stick it together without using so much glue that your cover warps.

This is one of my first books, in which I spread liquid glue over the entire cover board. I think I was still using chipboard for the cover boards at this point. You can see how badly it warped:

Then I figured out you should only put glue on the edges of the board, and my covers warp a tiny bit or not at all:

I do not use the PVA bookbinding glue on the covers because the PVA bookbinding glue is very runny/wet. The Tacky Glue is thicker. The glue stick is thickest of all. I know some people are leery of using a glue stick, but I’ve had great results. The craft strength glue stick says it was formulated to use on photos, so I figure it won’t turn yellow and rot ordinary paper either.

Step 4: Attach the case to the text block.

There are two places you use glue in Step Four. One is to glue the end paper to the text block. For that, I use the PVA bookbinding glue, applied with one of these methods.

Method 1:

Dipping the end paper in a line of glue gives you a nice thin and consistent line of glue on the crease. 

You can also apply the glue directly to the text block, but that risks getting a glue blob somewhere, and then that spreads out and glues a bigger area than you wanted to glue.

Method 2:

Put some trash paper and wax paper between the end papers, and between the end paper and the first page of the text block (so you don’t glue pages together). Set wax paper on top of the text block, put some heavy books on it, and let it dry.

Is it dry? Moving on.

The second place you use glue in Step 4 is to attach the end paper to the case. In the pic on the right, I used liquid glue spread only at the edges. Maybe you can’t see it very well, but the paper is wrinkled like any paper gets if it gets wet and then dries. If you put a piece of paper in between the end papers while it dries, it absorbs some of the moisture, but I still get wet wrinkles sometimes. The one on the left was glued with a glue stick, and you can see how smooth it is.

I apply the glue stick only to the edges. (Notice I cut off as much of the spine cloth as I could.) Any glue on the end papers, whether glue stick or liquid glue, should only be applied around the edges:

Glue sticks dry really fast, so two sides are already drying out while I took this picture. One drawback to using a glue stick is you have to work fast. It might be easier to practice with liquid glue so you’ve got an extra few seconds to get the text block set straight in the case. Otherwise, you may have nice smooth end papers, but your entire text block is crooked. If the end papers are bad enough, you can always cut them off and start over with Step 4.

And just to keep glue in perspective, if the end papers get really screwed up, it probably isn’t the glue’s fault. This one is me not smoothing out the end paper very well before putting it under a heavy stack of books to dry:

Summary: Find good craft-quality glue and experiment to learn how to apply enough glue to stick your case together without applying so much that it wrinkles. That’s just a matter of practice, which is why I suggest making a few blank practice books before trying to bind something that really matters to you.

Good luck and have fun with it!

[universestarot]

CARD OF THE WEEK

for earth signs ♑️♉️♍️

-> where to focus your energy.

disclaimer: PLEASE TAKE WHAT RESONATES, AND LEAVE WHAT DOESN’T. I believe that every card is pulled for a reason, however this is my personal interpretation and it may not be fully resonating and accurate for every person.

♑️ CAPRICORN - nine of wands

you’re likely feeling drained from putting so much energy into something, however you have been so persistent and determined. this is a sign that if you continue this you will achieve the results you desire, because you are so close to it.

♉️ TAURUS - the high priestess

this card can be a reminder that everything isn’t always exactly as it seems. you should tune into your intuition and trust it, because it is your inner wisdom may help you the most in a lot of difficult situations.

♍️ VIRGO - the world

you may be reaching the end of a cycle, and finally achieving the positive results you have been working towards. sometimes when we finish a cycle, it can also allow us to see the bigger picture. focus on what is bringing you a sense of belonging, wholeness and harmony at this time.

THANK YOU!! please like and reblog to let me know it resonated <3

personal tarot readings (affordable)

love to you 🤍

[jstlikemagic]

One Night Chance. - Jeff Wittek Imagine

Title: One Night Chance.

Pairings: Jeff Wittek/Reader

Rating: R (For swears tho)

Summary: Being friends with benefits has always been fun but what about when two makes three? Also, what are the chances Y/N goes into labor at Jeff’s stand-up show?

TW: Drugs and alcohol (both lightly mentioned)

A/N: Hi y’all! Ya girl is BACK AGAIN!!! This time I have a “pre-sober” Jeff imagine! I decided to write this because I really wanted to write something pregnancy-related, a little bit of a comedy, and also something serious. If you liked this, please reblog/like! Thank you!

MY MASTERLIST

Taking a good look around Jeff’s dressing room, you started having flashbacks about what life was like eight months ago. The patron that was spilt on the carpet, reminded you of all times you and the guys would get fucked up at David’s house parties. The keef residue that was left on the table, reminded you of when you’d just be chilling in the living room with a bong in your hand, thinking life couldn’t get any better. You were so happy with your lifestyle and how much fun you’d been having. Soon enough though, life took a turn.

-Eight Months Ago-

The past few weeks had been rough. You were so tired that you almost fell asleep in the car a few times. You were so hungry, that Postmates was your new best friend. The toilet was your new home since you’d been puking and pissing a lot recently. Feeling uneasy one day and puking up a delicious breakfast burrito, you had that feeling.

Forcing yourself up from the bathroom floor, you grabbed your car keys and busted out of your apartment. Jumping into your car, you floored it to the nearest convenience store. After you parked your car, you speed walked into the store due to your heightened anxiety. As you walked down the aisles, you finally spotted the women’s health aisle. Pregnancy tests. Pregnancy tests. Where would those be. A lightbulb shot up in your head once you spotted the array of pee sticks. Shaky hands reached for the Clear Blue pregnancy tests, grabbing eight “just in case.” Going up to the counter, you hurriedly placed the tests on the counter. “Aw, sweetie. I see the anticipation. Have you been trying?” said the counter employee.

“Yes, I’m very much anticipating a little shit that’s gonna run my money dry and ruin my life,” you sarcastically said. With the employee looking shocked as hell and you already handing the cash over, you decided it was best to just leave as fast as possible. Taking the bag, you gave one of those bitchy smiles and said “have a nice day.” Fucking bitch.

Flooring it home, you nearly sprinted into your bathroom. Making sure you could provide for eight samples, you drank at least three bottles of water. After providing for each sample, you left each test on the sink counter. 

You weren’t going to cry but god damn, what if you were actually pregnant… with Jeff’s baby. The two of you were only friends, who fooled around occasionally. Backtracking to how possible it could be, you started freaking yourself out even more. Jeff had been fucking you for at least three months straight so that’d be very possible. Plus, you both relied on the “reliable” pull out method.

Creeping back into the bathroom seven out of the eight tests looked like they were done. With both ends on the edge of the counter, your head slowly drooped down to look at the sticks. Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant. Not Pregnant, oh I like this one. Pregnant. Suddenly, you saw the last test blinking which meant it was about to read the result. Every last bit of you wanted it to say not pregnant but it didn’t even matter at this point. Still keeping hope alive, you lifted the stick up to your face. Pregnant. 

Well, the next obstacle was telling Jeff you were having his baby.

-One Week Later-

“Hey Y/N. What’s up?” His voice alone could make your heart flutter. Reconsidering if a phone call was how you wanted to do this, you erased the consideration out of your head and proceeded with the phone call. It was easier anyways, you wouldn’t be able to see the shock and disappointment on his face.

“So, I have some big news. I mean I guess not big news, small news as of now that will get bigger eventually,” you spoke really fast.

“Did ya get the job ya wanted? I know you’re only a secretary but you’ll work your way up and life will be great!” he exclaimed. 

Trying not to be salty because you didn’t get the job he was talking about, you laughed it off. “I, uh-, didn’t get the job. I actually have some other news that involves you. I’m pregnant and it’s very much yours,” you blurted It out. Without hearing his response, you felt a huge weight just fall off your shoulders. Hearing a sigh come from the other end of the phone, it was soon followed by empty moments of silence.

“Are ya sure? Like are you sure that you’re pregnant? And are ya sure that you want this? Y/N, we’re in our 20s. We’re living it up and living our best lives.”

“Jeff, I am 100% pregnant. I’ll mail you out all the sticks I pissed on. You can have all water bottles I used too.” Taking a moment to think of his last question, you started to feel hot tears roll down your cheek. “I think I want this. This could be my wakeup call to cut the shit. This is my endgame... Actually, of course I want this. I think what I want to know is, do you want this? I’ll do this with or without-“

“Yes, I want this. I want you. I want this baby. I just wanted to put the ball in your court because it is your body, your choice. The idea of having a baby right now is a little frightening but maybe I need this wakeup call too. Ya know we do stupid shit. I wanna have someone to wanna come home to. I wanna have someone pop in my head every time I see ten shots lined up for me and it makes me not want to do it. With that being said. I’m down if you’re down,” he interrupted. Feeling so overwhelmed by his support and letting you have this decision just made you burst into tears. 

-Eight Months Later-

Getting up to go the bathroom, which felt like the millionth time today, Jeff grabbed your hand to help lift you off that comfortable couch. “I got this,” you agitatedly said. Being almost nine months pregnant, you hated everything. You either puked or pissed yourself. The smell of certain food would throw you over the edge. Moving around got harder because your huge belly that got in the way. You also partially resented Jeff because he shot his sperm up inside of you. He was really good dealing with your mood swings though. He knew when to give you space and is very assuring about everything you do.

Walking into the bathroom, you lifted your dress up and pulled your underwear down so fast, just to make sure you didn’t piss your pants. Immediately sitting on the toilet, you could feel some pressure in your uterus from the sudden and fast movements. Placing one hand on your stomach, you said “I’m sorry, baby. Mommy’s just making sure she doesn’t spring a leak on this god-awful linoleum floor. But I just want to let you know, that you need to get the fuck out of me.” Your voice got louder every word in your last sentiment.

“Is everything okay in there?” Jeff hollered from the other side of the dressing room.

“Yes, and please shut the fuck up. I’m concentrating!” you screamed back while rolling your eyes. Sitting on the toilet, you suddenly felt a huge wave of liquid pass through you. Knowing you didn’t put any pressure like you were pissing, your first instinct was to get up and look in the toilet. You immediately wiped yourself and threw that in the toilet. Spotting a little bit of blood and few solid pieces which resembled skin, you knew it was time. The time. Feeling a wave of panic and anxiety, you flushed the toilet, washed your hands, and called Jeff over to the front of the bathroom door. With a smile on his face, he dutifully walked towards you.

“What’s up, baby? Is everything okay? Is the baby okay?” he started questioning you. He could tell from the look on your face that something was happening.

“Okay, so don’t panic. That’s my first rule okay,” you whispered, making sure no one else was going to hear the next thing. “I believe that I’m in labor but like not too sure. But I think I am.” Seeing Jeff’s eyes go wide, you immediately covered his mouth with your hand. “Don’t you fucking say anything. Help me get in the tour bus and figure this out.” Threatening him wasn’t a part of the plan and you had to do what was necessary so no one else in the room heightened the panic.

Jeff took your hand and led you through what felt like endless rooms to the cool outside. While passing by people, you painted a smile on your face. The last thing you wanted was for someone to tweet that you were in labor. This whole pregnancy, you had been scared if any information would leak. Such as if the hospital was leaked and people put two-and-two together, that fans would show up. Finally reaching the bus, he grabbed both of your hands and walked you up the bus. You went to sit down onto the couch but instantly felt a contraction. People weren’t kidding when they said contractions were a bitch. As the contraction passed through your body, you finally sat yourself down with him right next to you.

“Not to be an insensitive asshole but I also have a show in like thirty minutes but we’re also having a baby! I’m gonna look up online how to stop labor for a little bit, just to buy us time.” Never have you ever shot him such a nasty ass look. You didn’t give a flying fuck about his show, you had a baby who just received their eviction notice.

“No! You can’t just web it the fuck up and expect it to stop!” you screamed. Out of everything he could’ve said during this stressful time, he decided to say that. Feeling another contraction, you threw your head backed and moaned at the pain. Looking at Jeff, you both just knew you two were in for one hell of a night, maybe even days. If there’s one thing you two understood was that you agreed on this together and knew you two have to work together to get this baby out.

[ask-de-writer]

SULA’S SONG : Part 25 : THE END OF THE SUN’S DAUGHTER : A World of Sea tale

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to World of Sea

SULA’S SONG : THE END OF THE SUN’S DAUGHTER

Part 25

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

123566 words presently written, WIP

Copyright 2021

All rights reserved. This document may not be copied or distributed on or to any medium or placed in any mass storage system except by the express written consent of the author.

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NEW TO SULA’S SONG?  READ FROM THE BEGENNING.  

PART 1 is HERE

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Jenna started by saying, “The first thing that I thought of is sort of a principle.  If we are going to do a total refit for war, the needs of fighting have to come first. We can fit our people around what's needed for combat.”

Master Guliard interrupted, “That is very true.  I . . .” he paused and visibly struggled to be diplomatic.  “May I put that up in the boatshop for everyone to see?”

Mistress Culark amended that by saying, “We need it up in every shop, Ducky.  Not just yours.”

Sula pointed back to the drawing and asked, “What do you think that we will need, Jenna?”

Jenna bit her lip and fearfully said, “I thought of several things.  To be sure what I want to show you I need to know if we are going to use fire weapons, like the Borens are using?”

Mistress Culark confirmed, “We are, my little hawk.  We are making some that we can throw by catapult.”

Jenna nodded thoughtfully to herself and then surprised them all by saying, “I thought so.  Loading them will be dangerous, won't it?”

Mistress Culark looked at Jenna with a seriously dawning respect and said, “They will be safe enough to handle and fire from the catapults.  If you mean filling them, you are right.  That is the most dangerous part of using them.”

Now sure of herself, Jenna pointed at the drawing and suggested, “Make the Armory a lot bigger and put it right here in the middle of the section.  It should use all three decks.  Make the filling part on the bottom deck and make the floor easy to drop out if there is a loading accident.  That will put both the burning stuff and anyone in there down into the water.  That gives both the crew and the ship the best chance of living through the accident.

“Run fireproof corridors to magazines fore, aft, starboard and port.  While I watched the battle at the Gathering, I saw how we used our catapults and how the Haghunter used theirs.  We need our strongest ones up forward, and one or two strong ones astern, as well as the all of the regular catapults.”

Master Guliard thought for a moment and Sula was pleased to see him start to reject the idea and then get a grip on himself.  Thoughtfully he looked and finally said, “We could do that.  The amount of damage that we already have in the center platform means that we have to completely restructure it.  It will need a lot of calculation to do this but the basic notion is sound.  I especially like the idea for the weapon loading bay.”

Just as Jenna was relaxing some Sula said, “When I asked you to think of these things, Jenna, I didn't expect this.  What made you think so deeply?”

Jenna's young shoulders began to shake. Tears came to her eyes and she sniffled before she was able to get a grip on her emotions.  “Ma'am, I was out with you in your boat at the Starseeker wreck.  All of those people were murdered.  I knew and played with seven of their kids.  I identified them all when we brought their bodies aboard.  I knew children from the Morag, the Morgan and the Lucky Lady too.”  

Even red and rimmed with tears, Jenna's eyes hardened and her back stiffened.  “Ma'am, You gave me a chance to put a harpoon into those killers who have turned their backs on the Law and the Dragons.  I want our ship to send as many of of them to Dark Iren as we can before we get sent to him ourselves.”

Master Guliard regarded the child before him and asked, “Why are you so sure that we will be sunk? We will be better prepared for war than they are.”

Jenna nodded, “True, Master.  They not only outnumber us, we will be fighting in waters that they know. They may simply swarm us until we have nothing left to shoot at them or maybe they might trick us into shallows on a Dragon Tide.” Bleakly, she added, “Like the Strong Skin that killed my mother and father, they don't take prisoners or save survivors.  Mirenda and Master Rokor are good foster parents but I don't expect to live long enough to have a child of my own.  Perhaps I can keep the Borens from killing many other children.”

Sula nodded a sympathetic understanding, her own eyes tearing a little as she said, “I wish that I had your faith in Dragons to sustain me, Jenna.  I won't try to hide the truth from you.  I think that you are almost certainly right.  On all points.  We have to oppose the Boren fleet, even if we die in the attempt.”

After studying the rest of Master Guliard's damage reports and Mistress Culark's weapon designs Sula came to a decision.  “This is all better than I had hoped for. Still, we now need all of the rest of the Masters in on the rebuild. We will have the meeting in the starboard mess room.  Jenna, will you go to find them and let them know, please?”

With a brisk, “Aye, Ma'am!” Jenna left on her errand.

Master Guliard watched Jenna go and commented, “I think that child may be the most dangerous person on Sea.  While the Borens figured out weapons to fight with and we worked on better ones, she was thinking about War, not just fighting. When she is old enough, if we live so long, I want her in my shop. She will probably wind up as an officer instead.”

The End of the Sun's Daughter:

For the next two weeks, Sula nursed her damaged vessel north.  At last they reached 75 degrees North latitude and the legal safety of the Dragon Sea.  The frigid waters teemed with schools of the twenty to sixty centimeter, eel-like gluefish. Boats put out to net the bounty of precious fish necessary to make the many specialized glue formulations needed to repair and rebuild the ship.

As the fishing proceeded, Strong Skins began to attack both the fish and the fishermen.  The harpooners and catapult crews reaped fish after valuable and deadly fish.  Their hides were necessary to make or repair almost anything.

It was quickly apparent that, in these latitudes, waiting for nightfall was wasted time.  The sun never fully set, only barely kissing the southern horizon.  The sun at nadir lit everything with a pale and ghastly light.  Even at it's low laying high noon, it shed little to no warmth.  The cooks needed far longer to get food ready with the big solar ovens.

Seeing that problem, Sula sat down to her big abacus and began to calculate.  After a few hours, she took her results to the now very busy Master Guliard.  He called over Willim, one of his journeymen, to look at Sula's design.

Rubbing his chin, Willim remarked, “Not too difficult.  Tricky to get the first one to fit that curvature exactly, but then we can use it to make a mold and lay up the rest of them without any difficulty.  We will need more Sidejumper scales to line them with than we have in stock at present.”

Sula said thoughtfully, “We just took three of them.  Good sized ones, too.”

Surprised, Willim replied, “Three?  They're usually pretty solitary.”

Sula nodded agreement.  “I know, Willim.  The way that things are going right now, I would almost say that the Great Dragons are helping us.  Pity that I don't believe in them.  I think that we have simply found what a sea untouched by human fishing is like.”

Willim closed and opened his eyes slowly, a respect to Blind Mecat, the Dragon of Wisdom, and said, “Perhaps, Ma'am, it's both.”

Sula grinned and said, “I can accept that.  Now get on these new reflectors for the cooks.  We need lots of hot food and the old reflectors aren't doing the job.

“We also need to process all of these gluefish and our old equipment is falling far behind the catch.”

Willim agreed, “With all of the repairs and refitting, we do need better equipment for the glue processing.  I could take this plan of yours and make one two or three times the size.  Those gluepots are big.”

Sula just said, “That sounds good. Do it.  I will leave the work in your hands.”

On her way back to her cabin and some shred of warmth, Sula saw Nightwatch Allen hard at work.  He was keeping the ship's children enthralled by some tale or other. Instead of words, he seemed to be conveying the story by gesture alone.  The reason for that was obvious.

Neither he nor his charges were cold at all.  They were swaddled head to toe in thick black garments that only showed their eyes.  Even their hands were thickly gloved.  In spite of their faces being fully covered, they sometimes interrupted . . . with gestures of their own.  Nightwatch Allen always responded comically as if he were surprised or indignant.  That always brought a flutter of hands from the children.

One of the children started to say, “But what was the Dragon's na . . .” and was instantly pulled back by a hand over his or perhaps her mouth by a child behind. Embarrassed, the silenced child raised a hand and made a series of gestures.

Those, Nightwatch Allen responded to with gestures of his own.  As she watched, Sula began to realize that there was a genuine language being used.  She wondered how he managed to teach it to the children so easily.

Back at her cabin door, Sula saw a small change.  There was  a ribbed plate attached to the panel.  A small stick like a short chopstick hung from it by a string. Curious, Sula ran the stick across the ribs.  The noise that it made was louder than she expected.  Looking closely, she saw that there was a resonating chamber under the surface, making it a sort of small drum that used the door panel as one of its heads.

Sula went into her cabin.  Since it was not her watch, Jenna was not there.  Sula walked to the chart table and got some crumbs and spread from the dish that Jenna always left there for Little Peep.  She fed him but before he would take any for himself, he first stuffed the craws of his four nestlings.

Sula tried to sleep but, as so often these days, her dreams chased her back to wakefulness.  Apparently she got more sleep than she realized because Jenna was crouching beside her, tucking another blanket over her Captain.  Sula could see that Jenna was smiling at her by the set of her body and head.  Her cabin girl was fully covered by the same dark garments that Sula had seen on the other children at the storytelling session.  

Reflexively, Jenna started to gesture at Sula and then said, “Sorry, Ma'am.  Did you sleep well?  You didn't toss as much as usual.  I brought you a breakfast.  It's on the chart table.  I'm afraid that Little Peep raided your bread roll. I hope that you don't mind beak marks in it.”

Sula smiled and sat up, pulling her blankets close.  “I don't mind sharing with Little Peep at all Jenna.  May I have that breakfast now?”

Jenna managed to look guilty as she put a cover over the plate and set it on a small device.  Sula grinned, “You let the little guy swipe my bun!  What is that thing?”

As Jenna turned her head, her headcloth turned along with her gaze, the eye holes staying firmly in front of her eyes.  “Yes, Ma'am, I did.  He was hungry.  This is a heating device that Mikal made.  He is one of Master Guliard's apprentices. It has an oil reservoir and several wicks.  It lights with this little bulb.  See, I push the bulb and it lights the oil in the wicks with a tiny bit of anhydrous drier.”  Sula watched with interest as her plate heated and steam began to rise from the cover.

When Jenna brought her the hot plate of food, Sula fell to with a will.  Her flashing chopsticks made short work of the food while it was still warm.  Replete, Sula noticed that Jenna had blown out the heater's lamps and covered the device.

Sula asked, “Jenna?  What are those gestures that I saw you using?

Jenna paused and thought carefully about something before saying, “Ma'am, we children were sworn to secrecy by Mister Allen.  Captain, I can only tell you because you are the biggest child on the ship.  Mister Allen calls it Dayspeech because we can use it anytime that there's light enough to see.  We children use it among ourselves so that we won't interrupt or interfere with all of the important work that is going on.  Mister Allen uses it to tell us stories to keep us entertained and out from underfoot.”

Gently Sula pressed, “And how did you all learn a whole new language so easily?”

Jenna shrugged and fluttered a hand before replying, “We didn't.  It's just Drumtalk.”  She held her left hand palm up and placed the open fingers of her right hand into her left palm.  “See?  My palm is the drumhead.  The first two fingers are the signal sticks, the third is the word end stick, the little finger is the pause punctuation stick, thumb is the exclamation and question stick and a short finger clench is a paragraph.  A fist says that you are done.”

Jenna began to slowly and silently beat on her left palm, “It is Dayspeech when we take away the palm and hold the fingers up where we can see the beats.”  She finished with her hand up, fist quickly clenched and released.

Smiling, Sula laboriously signaled back, “That was clever of Nightwatch Allen.

“Where did you get those warm looking clothes?”

Jenna clearly, by her body set, grinning, signaled back, Mistress Malein, the tailor and Mikal working together made them for us.”

Thoughtfully, Sula asked out loud, “Jenna, will you please find Nightwatch Allen, Mistress Malein and Mikal and have them report to my cabin?”

Jenna pointedly looked at Sula's hand. Sula returned another big grin and carefully, but already more quickly, signaled the request in Dayspeech.  Jenna promptly signaled assent and scampered off on her errand.  

Sula laughed to herself at the way that Jenna was including her as one of the ship's children.  In an odd way, that inclusion helped her to deal with the emptiness that she felt where Davaros should be.  Having the ship to distract her mind from her loss helped too.  There was so much to be done.  Thank the Dragons for so many details to attend to.

Sula was at work, redoing the ship's entire mast, rigging and sail plan, her big abacus's beads clicking rhythmically.  There was a clear scratching rattle from the door. Sula clapped her hands in invitation and the door slid open.  It was Jenna accompanied by Mistress Malein, Mister Allen and Mikal.

Sula offered them cushions to sit on and said, “I called you here because the three of you are connected in something that we need for the ship.”

Mikal looked puzzled.  He asked, “What could that be?”

Sula pointed to Jenna and then gestured, “Come here, Jenna.  They need to understand the importance of your outfit.”

Nightwatch Allen's eyes widened as he saw Sula's use of Dayspeech.  He filled in, “The children's clothes are that important?”

Sula nodded seriously and replied, “They are.  We presently have five  of the crew, three women and two men, in sick bay being treated for frostbite or at least severe chill to the point of dangerously reduced body temperature.  Clothes like these could prevent or reduce the problem.”

Sula turned to Nightwatch Allen and said, “Jenna tells me that you came up with the basic idea.  Why black?”

Nightwatch Allen shrugged, “It catches heat easily.  Besides, Mistress Malein has practically a hold full of black canvas.”

Sula chuckled and pointed out, “These are far more than just canvas.  Whose idea was that?”

Mistress Malein said, “When Cole, um, Mister Allen, explained what he wanted I made up a layered cloth. There is the canvas shell, two layers of Master Stimm's thickest knit and a satin weave inner liner.  That is why the clothes are a bit bulky.  At least none of the children are getting very cold.”

Sula smiled her praise and said, “That is quite ingenious.  When Jenna turns her head, the eyeslits stay in front of her eyes.  How is that done?”

Nightwatch Allen pointed at Mikal and said, “His idea, Captain.  The first time that I turned my head and wound up looking at the inside of the hood, I knew that we needed something.  Mikal was off watch.  Since he and I get along, I asked him about it.  He made a small sort of mask out of black finished Strong Skin.  It fastens behind your head and is sewn into the hood. Each mask is specifically fitted to the wearer.

“Jenna, take off your hood so that the others here can see how it works.”

Jenna reached up behind her head and untied the securing string.  She then slid the whole hood loose. Blushing, she handed the hood to Sula.  Sula thoughtfully asked, “Why are you embarrassed, Jenna?”

Ducking her head, Jenna replied, “You get used to being covered up really easily.  It's cold without it.”

Sula replied, “I see.  Mistress Malein, Mikal, this is quite well done.  Can you do these quickly? We need to fit everybody aboard with these clothes.”

Mistress Malein said, “I have the other cloths in plenty for the task but we will need a lot more of the knit.  It wouldn't hurt if it was even thicker or fluffier, somehow.”

Jenna almost fearfully raised a hand. Sula nodded to her and Jenna pointed out, “The knit cloth is easy to make.  I made some for Master Stimms' demonstration.  We kids could make it, if somebody set up the loom for us.”

Nightwatch Allen gestured something at Jenna, who grinned and fluttered her right hand at him.  Sula gestured, “I caught that part about volunteering but what was the hand flutter, Jenna?”

Jenna gestured back, “That's how we laugh without sound.”

Sula promptly fluttered her right hand.

Mikal and Mistress Malein were looking on in bemusement.  Sula explained, “Mister Allen warned Jenna that if she keeps on volunteering, someday somebody will put her to work. I will too.  It appears that we have the answer to this whole problem.  I will leave you to it.  Mikal, if Master Guliard objects, tell him that I have assigned you to this task for now.  Dismissed.

“Mister Allen, please remain.  I have another task for you.”

After the others were gone, Sula said, “The Sun's Daughter sank three days after that squall.”

Nightwatch Allen looked about in mock surprise and commented, “How did I miss that?  I think that I would have noticed it.”

TO BE CONTINUED

<==Previous   Next==>

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to World of Sea

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 09

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, slight angst

; Word Count: 4.2k

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: A Christmas present for you all! This has been my favourite chapter of Flower so far so I hope you all enjoy it too! Please reblog if you enjoyed and let me know what you think in a comment or ask!

; Flower Masterpost

-

The knock on your front door causes you to pause, clothes in your hand as you put them into your washing machine. You’d been frantically cleaning for the last hour, tidying up your already clean apartment to make sure that it all looked good. When you’d run out of stuff to clean, you’d resorted to washing your clothes early. 

Just for something to do while you waited.

But now he’s here. Hoseok is here. At your apartment, for the first time. You’d been to his a few times now but he’d never been to yours. That had been your fault because you simply just hadn’t invited him. It hadn’t entered your head to do that. Not until Chungha got exasperated and pointed out that perhaps he’d like to see where you lived too.

She must have been right because Hoseok had eagerly accepted and so here you were. You’d finished work an hour and a half ago, the time spent since waiting for him to finish and head home to grab his stuff before coming to yours had given you plenty of time to fulminate.

Not only was Hoseok coming over to yours for the first time...but he was going to spend the night. He’d come up with a plan to drive you both to an amusement park a few hours away tomorrow, but it required getting up pretty early. As a result, you’d just blurted out that he could stay with you.

You could tell that he’d been a little shocked at your proposition, not because you were suggesting he stay but because it was you who was suggesting it. He probably hadn’t expected you to propose that for a while yet.

Especially not when you had plans to let him sleep in bed with you too. You’d discussed it with Chungha and Soyeon in depth, wondering whether you should make him sleep out on the couch for the night. They’d been adamant that you couldn’t do that given you were dating, and you’d been together for two months so why not just let him sleep next to you?

If he remained as polite as he’d been, he wouldn’t be putting any moves on you. 

The easy way you’d said yes to it and suggested it to him told you, and everyone else who knew you, that you really wanted him to stay over. To sleep next to you. Honestly, it had one of your fantasies. Alongside the sexual ones, sometimes you just thought about him holding you in bed, cuddling with him.

Tonight you were going to get to experience that.

Quickly putting the rest of your clothes into the machine, you pause for a moment as you wonder if it’s stupid of you to be washing your clothes. But you push the thought of the way as you add powder and detergent before turning it on. A final glance around your small apartment lets you see that everything is as clean as it’s going to get and you take in a deep breath, smoothing down your shirt.

Opening the door slowly, you smile at Hoseok as he stands there waiting, a backpack over his shoulder and a bright smile on his own face. “Hi...err...sorry, I was putting my washing on. For some reason. Err...come in.”

He laughs softly as he enters, toeing off his shoes and carefully placing them on the rack you have set up next to the door without even being asked to. Moving forward through the tiny hall, you gesture to the living room and attached kitchen with a nervous movement.

“Errm so...this is the living room, obviously. And the kitchen. The door you just passed is the bathroom and the other door is my bedroom. It’s not very big,” You feel yourself heat up in embarrassment as your hands twist together. “I mean...I can still barely afford it but it’s home at least.”

Hoseok looks around slowly, eyes darting everywhere as he takes in the decor of the place. You weren’t allowed to put things on the wall so the only decorations were on the bookcase in the corner, your television stand, your couch, the coffee table and the drawers next to the bookcase. Looking around, you take it in the same way he does.

A fluffy throw in slate grey is draped over the couch, covering both the back and the seat cushions while an array of interesting cushions and plushies cover it. Your Pusheen plush sits in pride of place but there’s also a bao bun with a smiley face, an overly cartoony calico cat stretched out along the back and a Jack Skellington face on the couch as well. 

Other plushies dot the room as well, from the set of Pokémon on the bookcase which included all the Eeveelutions you’d carefully collected over the years and various Pokéball’s to random cute ones and even a Pac-Man. Amongst all of that, was other stuff you’d collected; a range of animal shaped hand creams, a bunch of tiny Harry Potter chibi snow globes, some Funko POP figures featuring Disney characters along with a Totoro clock.

Random lights were currently turned on around the room including the PlayStation logo light, the Mario Mushroom light and a Yoshi egg. Part of you cringed as you took in how...colourful and pretty everything was compared to Hoseok. It looked so...delicate next to him.

He was stood there in black ripped jeans with a Guns n Roses shirt on, his tattoos the only thing that matched the room really. And yet he didn’t look disgusted by it, instead he just looked fascinated. Moving forward, he looked over the various books, Blu-Ray’s and video games you’d collected over the years along with the tiny Totoro figures that almost made up a little set.

“Oh my god...this is literally you in a room.” He marvelled, eyes wide as he took in the light shade that covered the light bulb hanging in the room. It was simple, just a curved circle but it was navy blue with tiny circles cut into little rockets and planets. When you turned it on, which was rarely, it made the room light up with a space theme.

“Err...yeah...I’m sorry, I know it’s a lot.” You apologise, rubbing at your forearm as you feel the swirl of negative feelings within you start to bubble. Already you’re regretting letting him into your home, into your safe space. This was where you felt most comfortable, where you felt happy. You only let people in that you trusted, and after two months you were pretty sure you could.

But it was still overwhelming, letting someone into the very private part of you and letting them see what made you happy.

“Don’t apologise, this is great. You’ve seen my place, it’s barren compared to this. I like it. It’s nice. Feels...cosy.” Hoseok said with a bright grin, white teeth flashing as you glanced at you before looking into your kitchen with eager curiosity.

The cuteness extends into there too, sweet woodland themed animal print oven gloves draped over the oven handle while a whole array of cute magnets cover the fridge along with pictures and important notices. A Totoro egg timer sits next to a little polka dot flower pot on the window sill while a cat themed calendar is propped up on the microwave.

A soft meow combined with pressure on his lower legs causes Hoseok to jump slightly, looking down before he grins even bigger. “Oh hello there! You must be Kasumi! Your mommy has told me so much about you.” He croons in a high pitched voice, the kind people only use on babies or animals.

But you can see the delight in his eyes as she sits in front of him, her cream fluffy coat combining with her dark paws and ears alongside astonishingly azure eyes to make her look like the prettiest cat ever. You were pretty sure that she was a ragdoll cat, which meant it was even more shocking that you’d found her in a shelter as a kitten. 

She observes Hoseok for a moment longer before meowing sweetly at him, pushing up to butt his hand with her head and he coos as he crouches down, stroking and talking absolute nonsense to her. You get the sense that he’s just fallen in love at first sight with your cat, the smile on his face bigger than anything you’d seen as she flops to the floor, belly presented and batting at his hand playfully.

“I’m gonna steal your cat.” He teases, looking up at you with playful eyes and you snort, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Over my dead body. She loves me anyway, right Kasumi?” At her name, her ears twitch and she looks at you upside down, letting out a soft mewl as her loud purrs reach you. You grin and crouch down, arms open as you make kissing noises to her and she immediately jumps up, rushing over to you. Standing back up with her in your arms, you smile smugly at Hoseok and wonder why on earth you’re suddenly competing with him over the affection of your own cat.

It looks like the thought runs through his head as well as he shakes it before walking over to you, dropping his backpack past you onto the couch before he places his hands on your waist. Leaning close, you feel your shoulders rising at his attention and he chuckles quietly.

“I guess I’ve got some competition then, huh?” He murmurs before kissing you, the gesture ever so gentle. It’s nothing intense, yet it fires you up in ways you’d never really considered before. Here, in your home, with your cat in your arms and your boyfriend kissing you, you feel happier than you can remember in recent memory. It feels...almost normal.

Hoseok pulls away quickly, smiling as he looks you up and down with a raised brow. “Can I go change if you’re in your pyjamas already?”

His tone is ever so slightly teasing and you look away, pressing your face into Kasumi’s soft fur to avoid the embarrassment.

“Yeah...sorry. I don’t...I don’t see the point in wasting clothes when I’m at home. Pyjamas or die you know?” He snorts in response, kissing your cheek before grabbing his backpack again.

“I get it, I’ll be back in a minute.”

-

It turns out that Hoseok’s pyjamas are just...his normal lounge clothes apparently. A pair of plain black sweatpants is combined with an overly large Star Wars shirt, a few holes in both items that cause you to raise a brow in amusement. A far cry from the matching set of pyjamas you’re wearing; a set of Marauder's Map leggings combined with a black shirt and a gold Hogwarts crest.

“You can tell our personalities just from what we’re wearing.” He looks up from his phone, brows raised before looking between you both with a lopsided smile. Without a word, he walks over to you and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you to him tightly.

Body stiffening automatically without you even meaning, you force yourself to relax in his embrace. You still weren’t used to the open affection Hoseok lavished on you, the casual touches of his not normal enough for you to accept openly like you did with your friends and family. But you were getting there.

You just wished that you could extend the open affection to him in the same way. It was hard though, you weren’t naturally open to physical gestures like that. Normally you just accepted them, but you wanted to discover to be open with him.

Because as you melted into his arms, you realised that you really liked this.

“What are you trying to say, huh? That I’m ratty and old while you’re young and put together?” He teases, squeezing tightly while rocking you from side to side, putting just enough pressure that you have to stagger back as you giggle against his chest.

“No! I mean...you are older than me…” 

“Excuse you! I’m only two years older than you! Hardly Hugh Hefner here.” Hoseok protests, his voice loud but you can hear the playfulness in it. It makes you happy to hear that, knowing that he’s going along with you.

“You’re right...you don’t have as much money as him. I’m missing out.” At that, he leans back enough for you to see his face, his jaw dropped while he tries to stop a smile from spreading. It causes you to grin in response, squeezing him tightly in response before you press your face back to his chest. “It’s okay though, you’re pretty.”

“Wow...okay. Does that make me the Playboy Bunny in this situation?” You snort, hands lowering without even meaning to and making him jerk in surprise as you squeeze his ass without even thinking. The very ass that your friends had teased you about weeks ago.

“How do you look with bunny ears and a tail?” 

He moves away at that, eyeing you suspiciously as he bites his lower lip, the flesh disappearing between his teeth. “Let’s never find out, shall we?”

“Awww. There’s people who find that kinky. They get dressed up as animals and stuff. Sometimes it’s just...they just wanna dress up but sometimes they dress up and it’s like...they wanna have sex in those suits.” Hoseok just stares at you in disgust, looking away before nodding slowly.

“Sounds great. I’m never doing that. Just want you to know,” he pauses, looking up at the ceiling before cringing and shrugging. You’re suddenly reminded of that woman trying alcohol meme as he makes a considering face. “Okay maybe I’d try it once if you were into it but I don’t think it’s for me.”

You steadfastly avoid his face at that, body heating rapidly at the thought of him thinking about having sex with you knew he probably had. If you were thinking that way about him, then there was no one way someone like him wasn’t thinking that way too. And it was a very strange sensation to know that he wanted you like that.

So you just gestured to the couch, watching as he sits down and scoops Kasumi into his lap. A quick phone call gets you food ordered from your favourite Chinese place, Hoseok stating his preferences to you as he flicks through Netflix and strokes the fluff ball he’s holding.

The next few hours pass by in a food coma bliss of delicious food combined with both of you starting a show on Amazon instead called The Boys. It had surprised you both with how violent and gory it was yet you enjoyed it thoroughly, much to Hoseok’s amusement. Maybe he thought your love of cute things meant that you didn’t like that kind of stuff but you enjoyed it just as much.

You both made it through three episodes before you found yourself getting tired, it was nearing 11pm and as lame as it made you sound...you were someone who went to sleep a bit earlier than that. It amused Hoseok when your head started to loll onto his shoulder, the pleasant warmth and comfort of his body as you cuddled up together lulling you into drowsiness.

Which was why when the episode finally ended, he stood up and gently pulled you up as well. “Come on sleepy, I think it’s time for bed. Sometime’s tired.” He was using that voice that he’d used on Kasumi earlier, and part of you wanted to protest it but you were too drowsy to bother. So instead, you went around the room after shaking his hands off to turn off all the lights.

Hoseok went to the bathroom while you did that, telling you that he was just going to go to the toilet and brush his teeth. By the time you had finished cleaning everything up and throwing the empty Chinese cartons away, he was standing a little awkwardly outside your bedroom.

Smiling, you opened the door and let him in. “You can go in.”

He gave a little smile before heading in and pausing as he looked around once more. Your room was barely big enough for the double bed in it, one side pressed up against the wall while a bedside table rested next to it. A wardrobe was next to that and a chest of drawers along with a mirror. 

“Err...sorry...it’s a little cramped.” You say quietly, rubbing your arms nervously once more and he just shakes his head at you with a small sigh that sounds more amused than you’d expected.

“You need to stop apologising for everything. It’s fine, honestly. Don’t stress yourself over it.” He heads over to the bed and looked down at it, teeth clanking against his lip ring as it looked down. “I’m gonna guess that you sleep on this side?” 

Pointing at the side closest to the bedside table, you go to nod before realise he’s being rhetorical. It was blatantly obvious which side you slept on, given the other side was covered in a large array of plushies. From more Pokémon to a Star Wars teddy, Toothless from How To Train Your Dragon, a cute cat face, a fluffy llama and so much more. 

The side Hoseok would be sleeping on was covered in them and you cover your face in dual embarrassment and horror, realising that you’d blatantly forgotten to clean it off for him. “Err...yeah. You can just...put them on the floor or something. Sorry, I mean…” 

You cut yourself off from apologising again at his look but he just smiles and shrugs. “It’s okay, I’ll sort it out.”

Quickly, you leave the room to prevent any further embarrassment for you. Sometimes you really wondered why Hoseok stayed with you given how different you both obviously were. The thought made your chest hurt and you pressed as it, frowning as you did your own nightly routine. It took a little longer than Hoseok’s as you had a whole skincare routine to go through and so ten minutes later you walked back in with a face mask on.

He was lying on his back, pillows propped up behind him as he looked through his phone and you noted with amusement the little ice cream plush that was still situated next to him. In fact...he made the most bizarre image laid there.

Your bedding was white, with tiny rainbows ending in clouds interspersed with yellow stars and little cartoons unicorns and pegasus that jumped and frolicked. You liked your bedding to look as cute as everything else, only it looked childish with him in it now.

His tattoos look at complete odds with it all, dark hair pushed back and making him look even hotter than ever with it all messed up. He looked dark and brooding in your bed, anathema to your bedding and it was both adorable and bizarrely attractive. 

A sudden thought rushes through your head that one day, if everything goes right, you’ll be having sex with him in that bed. Cheeks heating, you quickly rush forward and sit on the bed carefully, plugging your phone into the charger before looking back over at him.

“Do you need your phone charging too? I have another cable and plug.” You offer and he lets out a noise, head turning towards you before his eyes finally pull away. When he finally notices your face, he jerks away in shock before his face contorts and he squints at you.

“The fuck is on your face? Are you cosplaying Michael Myers or something?” Hoseok mutters, leaning forward a bit and looking you over. You try not to laugh, not wanting the face mask to move and you push at his face lightly.

“Don’t make me laugh, you’ll ruin it. It’s just a face mask, my night routine.” Laying back on the bed, he pulls a face at you.

“You do that every night? Isn’t it tiring?” You shake your head, checking in your Twitter feed as you wait for the time to pass until you can take it off again. “Is that why your skin always looks so pretty? Or is that makeup?”

“Hoseok! I haven’t worn makeup the last three times we’ve met up. You haven’t noticed between that and makeup?” He just stares at you for a moment before shrugging, his hand suddenly running along your back in slow and steady movements. It feels like electricity moves through your body as he does so, but you can’t tell any sexual intention behind it.

“I feel like no matter what I say here...I’m going to get myself in trouble. So...I will be smart and say that you look beautiful with and without makeup.” His smile is boylike then, making his entire face look far younger than he actually is and you sighed softly in defeat, shaking your head before checking the clock on your bedside table. “Why does your clock look like that?”

You pull off the face mask and throw it into the small trash can underneath the table, gently patting at your face to get the excess moisture to absorb. Glancing at the clock, you note it’s unusual shape and size while the orange numbers glow.

“It’s one of those clocks that simulate sunrise to help make it easier to wake up in the morning. I struggle with feeling tired and in winter I never want to get up. Err...I tend to get a little...or a lot...depressed with it. So I got this because daylight is meant to make you happier so ten minutes before my alarm goes off, it starts to light up and simulate a sunrise. It works pretty well in fairness.” You finish, rubbing your cheeks before grabbing the next step of your routine.

“Really? Huh. Cool.” He hands you his phone once you’ve finished, turning onto his side watching you intently. The attention makes you feel warm inside and finally you’re ready to go to bed, lifting the covers and cautiously sliding in next to him. It feels warm and comfortable as usual, your pillow and bedding maximised for comfort.

Reaching over, you turn off the lamp, leaving you both in darkness. The room feels oppressively silent at that moment before you realise that you can hear his breathing next to you. Suddenly, you feel hyper aware of his every movement and sound, your own body stiff beneath the covers.

A few minutes pass by like that, you unsure what to do now and too tense to sleep even after feeling so drowsy earlier. And then suddenly Hoseok reaches out, his hand resting on your stomach tentatively before stroking gently when you don’t react.

“You’re so tense.” He laughs softly and you feel the need to apologise again. But you hold it back, knowing that you have no reason to apologise. Hoseok knows by now what you’re like, he’s aware of your shy and awkward nature and he must know how out of your comfort zone you’re feeling right now.

Which is why you appreciate how slow he moves, his hand spreading heat through your stomach as his slow movements lead you to relaxing ever so slightly. He keeps doing it, his breathing just as hypnotising and you find your eyelids fluttering shut as the earlier drowsiness comes back.

“Can you turn over? On your side?” Hoseok asks softly, hand pausing and it takes a few seconds for you to acknowledge what he’d said. But you do so, shifting lazily until your back is facing him and your head is pressed comfortably into the pillow with your hand slotted beneath both pillows.

And then carefully shuffles up behind you, a warm and heavy weight sliding around your waist as he wraps an arm around you. Pulling slightly, he tugs you into a more comfortable position and you’re suddenly wide awake again. Even though you’ve been cuddled up with him before on a couch, it’s somehow completely different now that you’re lying together in bed.

Every bit of his front presses to your back and you’ve never been so aware of someone else. He feels like a furnace behind you, though you’re not sure if that’s because he actually is warm or if it’s because your body is burning hot. But you like it, as nervous as it makes you feel.

Your limbs feel like you could go outside and run a marathon yet the idea of leaving the bed is so far beyond you. His warm breath gently puffs against your neck as he settles a little more and you swallow hard, forcing your body to relax as you get used to the feeling. It’s been a long time since you’ve slept next to someone, and you’d never felt comfortable with them.

But you do with him. You do with Hoseok.

And without even realising it, your wandering mind begins to drift off as you lay there comfortably, feeling safe and content about everything. 

[caitlinsnicket]

The Child Surprise

Request: Hello! Please could you write something where the reader is Geralt's child surprise (instead of Ciri) and the reader wanders off while Geralt (and his companions if you’d like to include them) aren’t looking which results in the reader finding an animal which appears to be harmless but isn’t and while she’s running back to Geralt she falls (and doesn’t get back up) so the animal/monster is much closer to her than Geralt and it’s just a chaotic mess?...Sorry

Warnings: Angst (happy ending), a few doggos, the overuse of some words (sorry), the usual bad writing, swear words.

Characters: Geralt of Rivia, daugther!Y/N.

Pairing: Platonic! Geralt x Y/N

A/N: This got way bigger than I expected. This is (I believe) my first platonic fanfic, so I hope it’s good. I’m sorry for any spell errors. Feel free to like, reblog or leave a comment! Also, requests are open.

Being the daughter of someone who doesn’t want you is not easy. Being the daughter of someone who’s not biologically your father is harder. Being the daughter of a witcher is even worst.

After spending most of my life running from people who wanted my head on a plate, I learned things the hard way. Including those weird magical abilities that I hadn’t managed to control yet, but I was doing fine. Amazingly fine for that matter. Then, everything went down. And I supposed the worst that could happen was me getting killed, but no. There was something far worse than that.

I ran into the witcher.

I had heard his name before, in songs and tales and legends, and every time something weird happened inside of me: the familiar pull of guilt. I knew his name, and I knew what I should’ve done from the moment I had to run away to save my life, but I couldn’t find him in the first year. Nor in the second. When the third yeat started, I had already given up. 

There wouldn’t be any knight in shining armor, a hero to save me in the end. No father, no mother, no person who would take care of me. I was on my own, and I was finally living the best life (the very best you can live being haunted down and dealing with a lot of things inside your own mind).

Then, I ran into the asshole.

Geralt is tall, muscular, and tough, which basically means that he looks like a wardrobe or a door. Add sounds once in a while, you have a literal tall piece of wood that creaks once in a while. He likes to... drink. And I guess he likes women too, but it’s not like he’s very enthusiastic about it. He does like money. And one thing that I learned very quickly after meeting him: he didn’t like a lot of people.

And he didn’t like me.

It was easy to tell, from the way he looked at me (like I was one of the annoying people that kept bothering him) to the way he talked with me (when he decided to). And usually, I would ignore it, because having the protection of a Geralt was better than having no protection at all. Plus, he’s my father. In a way. 

And I would ignore it, most days, but when he left me in the outside of a brothel and handed me Roache’s rope, I snapped.

“You wait here for a while, I’ll be out in some time,” He said, looking for something in one of the bags attached to the horse.

“I beg you pardon?”.

“You can wait in a stable near, buy something to eat. Anything, really, just don’t spend all our money” he said, and then headed inside.

I felt anger boiling up inside of me, and I used all the strength in me not to scream at him. Instead, I made a decision: I didn’t need him. I didn’t need him before, and I don’t need him now. So, I took Roach and left her in a stable. That feeling stung in my chest again, like a little voice saying “wait, you need him”, but as usual, I chose to ignore it. The horse tried to eat my hair, and as I took the strand of hair out of her mouth, I tried to calm her down.

“It’s okay sweetheart. I’m going to miss you too, but it’s better like this. His protection is not worth it. I’m sorry” she makes a sound, and I swear I know what she’s talking about “I do sound like him, don’t I? I guess I am his offspring”.

I patted her affectionately once more and paid the man who took care of the animals.

“When a man with white hair-”

“The White Wolf?”

I blinked.

“Yes. The White Wolf. When he appears in here, give him this horse. It’s his. And if he asks about me-” I chew my lip. I didn’t have to do this, and the feeling on my chest was stronger than ever “just tell him that I was gone before you could stop me”.

He tried to say something. My “inner voice” tried to say something. Even Roach tried to say something. But I didn’t listen. 

I walked in the direction of the woods.

The trees moved slowly, and their noises kept startling me. We are fine, we’ve survived until now, nothing will hurt us. I figured that if I kept telling myself that, at some point, it would become true. My left hand was closed in a fist, and my right hand was firmly set around my knife. There’s no way I’m dying tonight. I’m not giving him that satisfaction.

Then, I heard it. A dog’s cry, coming from the middle of the woods. I squeezed the knife more forcefully, and held my other hand in front of me, ready to use whatever I had to be safe- even if it meant I had to let my control go away. It cried again, to my right side, and the woods kept making their noises. A shiver ran down my spine.

I walked in its direction.

As I got closer, the cry became louder. Not only that, but it multiplied to three different cries. Then, it clicked: it wasn’t a dog, it was cubs. I instantly relaxed and walked faster, the things that scared me before became just echoes in the distance. After dodging a big tree, I finally could see them: three small cubs of some kind of dog wandering around, calling for their mother.

I tried to ignore that feeling inside my chest. Too many similarities between us.

Two of them tried to get away from me, but the last one stepped closer, sniffing the air. I kneel, petting him carefully, and his cries ceased slowly. After a few minutes, the three of them were moving around me, touching my legs with their little paws and licking my hands. I almost let a giggle break through me, but a sudden growl made me freeze.

I turned around, slowly, and the three cubs went in the direction of the noise. And the sorcerer of that growl stared at me with angry eyes and sharp teeth.

Geralt got out from the brothel, and it was already dark out. He searched for a stable, looking for you or Roach and ignoring the disgusted glares he received from strangers. When he reached the place, a man immediately got up, seeming nervous. The witcher tried to ignore the urge to just walk away.

“Was there a girl here? She had a horse”.

The man trembled before answering, his voice cracking a little.

“Yes.. sir, The horse- it’s there, and it’s been paid for, but the girl left”.

Geralt closed his eyes and sighed. He knew this was going to happen. He should’ve explained why he went inside that place (to look for clues on a special monster from one of his “sources”) and then tell her to leave, but his pride got in the way: Geralt of Rivia didn’t have to explain himself to anybody. But of course, she left without saying nothing, because that’s what he would’ve done as well.

They were too similar after all.

“Where did she go,” Geralt asked, almost growling.

The man stuttered, hurrying up to get Roach out of her cozy place and handing her rope to Geralt. He was getting nervous, and so was Geralt.

“I don’t know sir, I turned around for one second and-”

The witcher dropped Roach’s rope and grabbed the man by his collar, slamming him in the nearest wall. Air leaves his lungs, and Geralt feels something inside of him shift. She could be in danger, and it would be my fault.

“Now, you will tell me where she headed to, or I’m destroying this place until there are only pieces of it” Geralt whispered, moving closer to his face.

“To the woods! She asked me not to tell you, I don’t know why, she just paid and left! Please, don’t hurt me!”.

Geralt’s senses seemed to wake up. He suddenly was aware of what could happen: bad people trying to hurt her, monsters tracing her scent, wild animals, poisonous plants, or worse.

She could be okay without him. 

He left the man there, getting on Roach and riding as fast as he could, only one thought in his mind: protect the girl whose whole life was his fault.

My life passed in front of my eyes, and it didn’t feel good, but for some reason, I felt calm. That weird feeling in my chest ceased, and I felt safe, while the huge dog showed his teeth and growled at me, her cubs stumbling behind her. I started to consider her size, her colors, the way her head was shaped...

A wolf.

Of course, it had to be a wolf.

From somewhere far away, I heard horse steps, but even if I screamed, it wouldn’t make a difference, she was too close. And the second I opened my mouth, she would jump on me and that would be it. The power in my blood called for me, telling me that I could just move my hand, and then it would all be over.

But she was just a mother. And she was just as scared as I was. I wouldn’t do to those cubs the same thing someone had done to me. So I just waited. The horse steps got louder, and a sparkle of hope lighted inside of me, but immediately died when it just stopped. I couldn’t believe I was actually going to die in those woods.

“Y/N, get out of the way!” Geralt screamed from behind me. So he was the man on the horse. 

He went in the woods, probably to look for me, but it was hard to believe. And a little voice in my head was trying to put some sense inside of me, but anger took over. He was just there because he needed to be, not because he wanted to. I was a burden. Fact. And for some weird reason, I knew he was going to hurt those wolfs. I couldn’t let it happen.

As the wolf was distracted by Geralt, I raised my hand and managed to summon that weird force. It took me a moment, but when it happened, the trees around us bent, creating a lot of noise that scared the wolfs. The mother growled once more and then proceeded to drag her three cubs away from us. I breathed deeply, shaking. Then Geralt appears in front of me.

“What were you thinking? You could’ve gotten yourself killed, you know that?” He shouted, looking livid and holding his sword.

“Why do you care?” I whisper, my vision going blurry as the anger turned into sorrow.

“What-”

“Why do you care? Why? Since you met me it’s clear that you don’t want me here! So why not just get freed from this fucking bond and let me go?” I scream, choking in the last part as the tears finally pouring from my eyes.

He stays silent for a moment, and I know it hit him, but I don’t want him to feel anything. I just want him to go away, but at the same time, I want to be protected. I want to have a mentor and a companion, not because there was magic involved, but because he chooses to. My eyes are closed, and I hear him getting close to me.

“I don’t need to be here,” He said, his voice soft for the first time. I look at him, and he’s kneeling in front of me “our bond exists, but I’m not required to be here with you. This is my choice”.

Something crashes inside of me, but I refuse to cry. It’s a warm feeling, and I can feel myself smiling. But I won’t say sorry, and he knows it. I can almost see a smile on his face as well. Maybe it would work, maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe he would leave, or I would leave, or I would die. But if I could feel this good thing in my chest for a while more, learn how to use my powers and get to know this “father”...

Maybe it was worth the try.

“Let’s go. I went inside the brothel because I had to get information from one of the women that work there. She’s a source. We need to go to a forest far from here, so we better get going”.

Oh. That’s why.

“You can ride Roach if you want to”.

Yes, it was worth the try.

[hecohansen31]

Not The Right Time

The Story of How We Ended Up There:

Ivar+Reader (Modern! AU).

(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!

So this is my second idea for Ivar!

I am honestly a bit attached to this because it is the first one which came to my mind and with it being modern! Ivar I feel a bit more secure about the characterization, but still… let me know where I have to get better or work better!

I also wanted to explain that this is fictional and that some choices made by the reader are due to the plot and not what I actually and personally believe about such a complex argument as abortion.

Don’t feel judged in the slightest by this (and if you feel, please know I don’t mean it, and what I can do to avoid this mistake in the future).

Again this is a prologue to the bigger series, but it is mostly to know whether you like this idea or not!

So if you want more, please leave a comment or a reblog so that I’ll know what you think about it!

Have a nice reading!

SUMMARY: It wasn’t the right time to have a child and it isn’t the right time for you to meet your child’s father after all those years, but maybe... time and Destiny are two huge bastards.

WORDS: 4,7 K

WARNINGS: Pregnancy, Unexpected Pregnancy, Pregnancy at a Young Age, Mention of Abortion (and Being Harsh About it), Heartbreak and General Angst, Abandonement Issues and Being A Single Mom, Mention of Infertility, Use of the Word Cripple.

You were sure that you were cursed.

Who could end up pregnant… the first time they had had sex?

And worst of all, when you were nothing more than sixteen years old.

You weren’t also the type who would risk such thing.

Although you were naïve you were well-aware of the need to use protection.

And then, in the heat of the moment, you had forgotten about everything.

Just for eight weeks after to cry on the toilet, at the discovery that you were pregnant.

You hadn’t noticed it at first: you hadn’t gotten your period for a month, but you hadn’t thought too much about that, it sometimes happened.

But then, a few weeks after you had started feeling bad, both not energetic enough to do the normal chores and also extremely nauseous, which had then resulted in you thinking that pregnancy might have been a cause of your unwellness.

You had thought for the entire time you had been waiting for the result of the pregnancy test, that it wasn’t possible, it would obviously turn out negative.

You had a successful life ahead of you, a child… wouldn’t ruin your life, but certainly it wouldn’t have ruined all your dreams.

You had been mortified to discover that you were indeed pregnant.

And then you had been indignant: there were people who constantly had unsafe sex, every time they had it and they would never ever end up with a baby on the way.

Then you had had sex once, and shit went down.

Back then you had been scared shitless of telling your parents and had hidden the pregnancy test: what would have they thought of you?

Still you had thought that you had to talk about it with somebody.

And more precisely, the father of the baby.

You and Ivar were the typical high school sweethearts: you had moved slowly from friends-to-lovers and were both late bloomers in the sex department.

Hence when Ivar had wanted to ‘try’, you had been over the moon at that news.

Lately he had grown distant from you, after you had had sex, and some part of you couldn’t help but think darkly that he wasn’t interested with you anymore ‘because he had finally gotten what he wanted’.

But you knew Ivar better than anyone: he might appear like the coldest ice king, but he was sweet and soft with you, shy and gentle, the perfect gentleman.

So, you had thought to at least inform him about ‘the child’, thinking that it was also partially his decision about the baby, although right now some part of you, the one who wanted desperately to continue on dreaming wanted to delete this ‘mistake’.

But some deeper part in you, thought about what a lovely life would have been to share a child with Ivar.

It might not have been perfect, but you felt like it would have been a nice image.

A nice image of your future.

But when you had asked Ivar to meet you at your favorite diner, the one you had chosen for your ‘first awkward date,’ he had also told you that he had something to say to you.

Had he realized that you might have been pregnant?

The entire situation there had seemed rather awkward, Ivar had this acute gaze in his eyes, not to talk about the harsh way his mouth had been closed closed in a thin line for the entire time.

He had arrived late, meanwhile you were halfway through the second of a milkshake you had been having, the pregnancy cravings playing an important role in your diet lately.

“Hey, sweetie!” you had welcomed him, your high-pitched tone, expressing your happiness to have him there, he always fixed your darkest moments “…how are you?”.

Unlike you, he didn’t seem in the mood for any sweetness.

He simply replied with a nod and ‘a fine’, waving the waitress over for a coffee, you stared at him for the entire time: you hadn’t seen him in quite for quite a few days, due to studying, and couldn’t help but set your gaze on him, welcoming any new traits of him and wanting to kiss them, passing a finger through…

“… I don’t have much time, so I’ll say this as quick as I can” and then he had caught you in his icy gaze “… I am not in love with you, anymore”.

An arrow shot through your heart would have hurt you less.

You had stammered some questions, but Ivar had been glacial in his words, definitely not asking for any reply.

“… I have discovered it from quite some time ago, I didn’t want to tell you till I was sure, but these last days… have been… I didn’t miss you” every word was a strike to your hear,  and you hadn’t been able to properly protest “… I am sorry, I pulled this for so long, but I can’t…”.

Then and there you had gotten up, probably the best option possible, the only thing of that day that, looking back, you were proud of.

You had been crying on the sofa when your parents had found you, and there you had explained anything that had happened to you.

Child included.

They had been disappointed with you and your father hadn’t talked to you for the entire pregnancy but your mother had been the bigger support for you.

She hadn’t shouted, unlike your father, but just asked what you had wanted to.

‘Do you want to…?’ she hadn’t been able to talk about the option of abortion and you had understood her: she wouldn’t approve of it, but she would have helped through the entire process “… or do you want to keep it, babygirl?”.

“Shelley! Of course, she’ll fucking…! She is too young, she can’t fucking take care of a child!” had retorted your father, and you had covered your ears, shielding them from his hurting words.

It was as if for the first time your father wasn’t seeing his little girl anymore.

And you had chosen to try so desperately to go back to that image he had of you, choosing abortion, but when you had heard the child’s heartbeat, you hadn’t been able to carry on

You had gripped your mother’s hand and pleaded to her not to go through this, not to kill your baby.

Although you’d have to grow it alone, although the heartbreak was still pretty real and although it seemed the worst and you weren’t ready, you just couldn’t delete all this, so simply.

You had taken private lessons to hide your pregnancy, since you hadn’t wanted to reveal it to anyone, avoiding any outings unless you were sure you wouldn’t have been anywhere near people you knew.

The first week after the break-up, Ivar had continued on blowing up your phone with messages and calls, but you wouldn’t even look at his messages, ignoring him till you had convinced yourself to block his number and when he had tried to visit your home to talk, he had been lucky your father was out, and you had pleaded with your mother to fake of not being inside.

You had graduated from high school, one year prior, thanks to all the credits you had collected during the years and had a private diploma ceremony with your family and your pregnant belly.

You had grown to love your baby during the pregnancy: you would talk to them whenever you could, caressing your belly and chatting with them about your day, all the funny stuff you would do together and what the world outside looked like.

The entire birth part scared you like crazy, but you thought it would have been worth it.

And it had been as you had held your child in your arms, after hours of agonizing pain.

They had been forced to cut you open since the child was taking quite his time and you wouldn’t dilatate yourself, enough.

But when you had woken up your mother was lulling him in her arms.

He looked beautiful, having gained two beautiful blue eyes and a smile that made your heart clench.

Too bad that the doctor had taken it from you too early.

‘He seems to have problem moving’ he had mentioned, meanwhile he visited the baby ‘Is there any story of problematic diseases, troubling mostly bones or muscles?’.

‘The father has osteogenesis imperfecta’ had explained your mother, meanwhile you called out for your child ‘… but it isn’t…’.

‘No, sadly it is’ he had explained, meanwhile he gently handled the baby’s legs ‘… I can already feel a few broken bones… this is going to be much more difficult than you might think’.

Your mother had been scared about having to help you up, but you and Erik had just done fine, not without mistakes and problems, but you had managed to love your son and give him a proper life, even with his ‘problematic’.

All of this, without Ivar.

The Lothbrock had moved out on Erik’s first birthday, something which honestly helped you, since the thought of Ivar not meeting Erik stopped your ‘house arrests’ and pushed you out of the house, even more because you had to actually get a job.

Working as a waitress didn’t make enough income to help you with a child and the thought of moving away from your parents (although your mother insisted that you didn’t bother them, you felt that your father wasn’t of the same opinion) was terrifying, so you had taken up to giving some lessons to high schoolers and some more salutary jobs.

You ran all the time around, and had to definitely renounce to going to college, but each night, when you would come home, breathless and tired, to Erik, your sweet child, you knew it was worth it.

For five years it had been perfect.

And then everything changed.

Ivar knew he was already fucking late to the meeting with his brothers.

It hadn’t been properly his fault, although he would rather die than confess to his brother that he had been seeing a fertility clinic with Freydis, to try to start their own family.

The sole mention of a fertility clinic would have raised questions he didn’t want his brothers to ask.

Hhey already seemed to have a feud with Freydis that had been ruining his wedding’s preparations.

He already could hear Sigurd making fun of him for not being able to please properly a woman, which was partially true.

Through the years, his stupid prick hadn’t gotten up for any woman, even his beloved Freydis, the one woman that made him feel a god.

But it had happened once, probably more out of luck than anything.

His first love and the first girl whose heart he had broken.

And you had returned the favor: he reminded the days after he had acted onto his brothers’ wishes, when you wouldn’t answer the phone and pretended not to be at home.

It had been enough for him to feel like you didn’t want him anymore.

Maybe it was why his stupid prick wouldn’t work.

Some of the sex therapist Freydis had brought him to, had suggested that his ‘inability to raise to the occasion’ was due to some rejection his past, so it might have been actually true.

But he didn’t trust any of those doctors.

He simply did it for Freydis, because she still hoped.

He didn’t, anymore.

He walked in the diner, it was a small one, similar to the one of the city he had lived, before he moved in the big city, for work and for many more occasions, but he couldn’t help but regret the beauty of these small places.

They never aged and they always brought him comfort, timeless and always there for jim

He had had his first date in one of those.

(He had also broken up with his first love in one of those).

He still didn’t let himself drown in his thoughts, knowing that going back in time and turning it, was impossible.

(No matter how much, sometimes, he wished he could do so).

He immediately recognized his brothers’ table as the noisiest one, moving straight up to it, not minding the fact that half the eyes of the clients in the diner were on him.

It was one of the many side effects of being a cripple.

“You finally joined us!” exclaimed Hvitserk, talking through a full mouth of food.

“Unlike you lazy asses, I have things to do” he mumbled as Ubbe shifted to make him some space next to him “… can’t survive on father’s paychecks only”.

He sent a direct look to Sigurd, who was using his father’s paychecks to support his (failing) musical career.

“At least I don’t have to be reigned by my girlfriend” muttered darkly Sigurd and Ivar wasn’t able to stop himself from almost attacking him.

Thankfully Ubbe did it for him.

“No need to fight brothers” he stated, readjusting the glasses Ivar had knocked over “Don’t make a scene, we are older than children and we are here to have a nice night among brothers, are we not?”.

“I am here for the free food” muffled Hvitserk, offering a humor relief that made all the brother laugh lightly.

They talked more civilly and then a waitress moved in to ask their orders, but Ivar’s ears were suddenly attracted by another noise, a voice that had belonged in his memories.

Had he left them open?

And then he turned to where the voice came from.

And he saw you.

He remembered you as a sweet girl, what you had been hadn’t changed, except the way you carried yourself, showing a growth, a painful one that hadn’t changed what you believed in.

But it still left signs.

As the scars of a battle.

You had your hair up in a high ponytail, and you were wearing a waitress uniform, probably working there to fund your way to college.

Your eyes were tired, but your lips were crooked in a small smile as you took a small child’s ordination.

He thought he was hallucinating, when Hvitserk again spoke up:

“Is that (Y/N) (L/N)?!” this got all the brothers’ attention to shift to where Ivar was looking, although he wished nothing more than to shield you, because he had discovered you first.

“… oh shit, yeah it’s her” muttered Ubbe, following your silhouette as you turned your back to them to move to counter “… I thought she would be in college”.

“Some people don’t have their parents’ back up, she might be simply working to pay college” muttered Ivar, but nobody seemed to hear him.

“She hasn’t certainly aged a day!” commented Hvitserk, giving your ass a meaningful look “… ahh can you remember when we dared little Ivar, to…”.

Ivar shushed him with a dark look.

But when he was doing this, he didn’t realize that Sigurd was waving you over.

You approached the table smiling, since you and Sigurd had been an unlike friendship, and Ivar still remembered how his ‘most sensitive’ brother had been against the ‘dare’, but as he turned to face  you, you seemed to realize who Sigurd was with.

And the soft smile fell from your face.

You seemed to have seen a ghost.

“Oh Gosh, (Y/N), it’s been a lot since we have seen each other!” commented Sigurd, meanwhile your waitress friend asked with her eyes whether you knew these people or not.

You simply nodded, forcing a smile on your face, telling her you would have taken their ordinations.

“Ah it’s been a lot of time, indeed!” you smirked lightly “… I always see you in TV!”.

“… sadly, never winning” muttered Hvitserk “… we weren’t expecting to see you working here!”.

“And I wasn’t expecting you to greet me without your mouth full of food, so we are both surprised by how Destiny has cheated us” you joked back, smirking lightly “… it’s nice to see you, guys, but I haven’t much time”.

Although you were trying to be gentle, it was obvious that their presence was making you nervous and uncomfortable.

Ivar wondered whether it was for what had happened with him.

He couldn’t help but notice the way you avoided any eye-contact with him.

They all quickly gave you their orders and you thanked them, but before you could go away, again Sigurd grabbed your wrist, making Ivar hiss lightly.

“You have been greatly missed, (Y/N)” the simple affirmation seemed to break something in you and you were able to simply bow your head, as you moved to quickly report the order to the counter, before disappearing in the kitchen.

A quick sign that you didn’t reciprocate Sigurd’s thought.

“Well that didn’t go well…” muttered Hvitserk, going back to his food.

“It was strange” muttered Ubbe “… it’s strange… I expected her to be in Europe, she was always so brilliant”.

“Ubbe, what she does is none of your business” muttered Sigurd, for once, his words matching Ivar’s thoughts.

“I just… I mean… she doesn’t seem as the person who is stuck at 21st to serve tables, she was always smarter than that” mumbled Ubbe, again but shushed, as an elder woman brought them their meals.

“You know our sweet (Y/N)?” she asked, probably having witnessed the exchange of words, and Sigurd explained they were old schoolmates “…  such a sweetheart, and so strong…”.

“Anything bad happened?” asked curiously Ivar, knowing all too well when to ask and when to stay quiet, and that woman seemed like she wanted so desperately to talk.

“Nothing too bad” mumbled the old lady, pouring some coffee in their glasses “… just… she is so strong for bringing a child on her own”.

The news immediately surprised all the brothers.

Again, you were the smart and hardworking girl, the one that followed the rules and didn’t have any vices, so for you to have a child, so young, didn’t make sense.

You should have been attending the last year of college, hadn’t you already finished it.

The thought of knowing you were already a mom, completely shocked Ivar.

And, although he wouldn’t admit it, he felt jealous at the thought of another man having known you so carnally.

“… oh, we didn’t know” uttered Ubbe “We have lost the contacts, when we moved in another city, after high school ended”.

“If you want, I can tell her that you’d like to get acquainted again” mumbled softly the waitress, probably thinking she was doing something good, something that would have made you happy.

But from the simple thought of your forced smile, a few minutes before, you wouldn’t have been happy in the slightest of meeting them.

And Ivar couldn’t make it a fault to you.

“She is working, we wouldn’t want to bother her or get in trouble, we are going to try to maybe contact her through the socials, but it was good to see her” commented softly Sigurd, smirking gently at the elder waitress, who simply nodded before muttering something under her breath ‘about the usefulness of social’.

As she moved away a deep silence fell onto their tables.

“I didn’t… wow… she never told me” muttered extremely baffled Sigurd.

“Did you stay in contact with her after we moved?” replied harshly Ivar and as Sigurd shook his head “… well then you can’t blame her for having hidden this to you”.

They had obviously lost any right to you, after ‘the dare’.

He, himself, couldn’t blame you.

“…can’t believe it” muttered Ubbe, sipping slowly his coffee, meanwhile Hvitserk nodded.

“Accidents happen, don’t they?” muttered Sigurd. before he proceeded to move their attention away from the thought, although Ivar’s mind was stuck onto that news.

Had you searched the attention of another person, because he had rejected you?

No, you had always been stronger than you seemed.

You wouldn’t have simply searched somebody to feel some love.

You had had to have loved the father of your child.

And the sole thought of it burned his chest painfully.

You were on the last shift of the day, and although usually you were almost happy for the extra tips which would come, this time you would have given everything to change your shift or close early.

It had started as a nice day: Erik’s bones were strengthening themselves from the therapy he had been doing and he had been excited for the soccer training of that afternoon.

Your mother had been also extremely happy to accompany ‘her favorite grandson’: she had been rather blue after your father had left you, both.

Thankfully he had left your family but not the house and the little money your mother had on her own, which had funded your move from the small city to a bigger one.

Sometimes you wondered how much your pregnancy and Erik’s sickness had impacted on your father leaving, but you tried not to think about it.

He hadn’t been held at gun point, he had chosen to leave a faithful wife, a devoted daughter and a wonderful grandchild.

You, yourself, had walked at work happy, thinking about the fact that you had also managed to schedule a meeting with an art gallery.

Through the five years you had been working on improving your culture, although you hadn’t been able to attend college, you had attended some free courses and apparently they were looking for some people to explain the art gallery’s shows, hence you had proposed yourself.

Although you knew there would be many more talented people also attending it, but… you hadn’t felt like giving up.

If you got the job, you might have had to quit one of your many jobs and spend more time with Erik, alongside paying for some new therapies.

Then you had seen the Lothbrocks at one of the tables.

And you had been glad of having met again Sigurd: you sometimes would see some of his performances at lower TV channels, and always joked with Erik about his songs.

Ubbe and Hvitserk had been indifferent to you and you had kept up the same behavior.

But Ivar…

… part of you was worried about him finding out about Erik, solely from your thought.

Back in the day, he used to be extremely intuitive.

And part of you couldn’t help but feel the pain of rejection all over again.

You had tried to find an excuse to avoid them, after the first little chat, although you were aware they would be talking about it: the small town from which you had come from had talked since you had shown Erik to it.

‘She used to be such a good girl’.

‘She used to have such a bright future ahead of her’.

‘She could have been so successful…’.

Blah blah blah.

Although you would discourage people from getting pregnant at such a young age, you didn’t feel like you had lost anything, maybe just pushed it a bit in the future, but you, yourself, had gotten through your own prejudices of being a single and younger mom.

You might have lost something, but your child was a blessing in your life.

So, you just shook off the critics.

You were waiting at the cash desk, chatting amicably with the cook of the diner, the one who made the last turn with you, always having the kind heart of packing something for you, and leaving some sweets for Erik, slowly gaining a little spot in your family, as ‘uncle Will’.

You were also checking the situation at the Lothbrock table, because, whereas all the other clients had already paid or were going to do it soon, they were stalling.

Their meals were finished, and they were chatting, although there would be more silence than actual words, and when you had sent Marlou to ask if they wanted a dessert or more coffee, they had simply replied that they were full.

They were obviously waiting and deciding who had to pay for the meal, who had to come face to face with you.

You almost expected them to start playing ‘paper, rock and scissors’ but finally you heard the distinctive screech of one of the chairs moving, but as you raised your head to see whoever had finally managed to collect their courage ‘to battle you’, you couldn’t help but be a bit nervous to discover it was Ivar.

He looked a bit annoyed, as if he had expected somebody else to volunteer at his courageous attempt, but nobody did and you immediately shut your eyes onto the screen of the cash machine, finding their bill, so that you wouldn’t have to talk with him too much.

He, instead, seemed a bit chatty, although he had that painfully awkward smile in his face he had whenever he was nervous about doing something.

Back in the day when you were together you would rub onto the back of his hand if you were in public to let him know your support, or when you were alone, you would body-hug-attack him.

But those memories seemed so long ago.

“It has passed quite some time” he mumbled softly, trying to chat you up, but you had no interest in conversing with him.

‘I see it on my child’s face’ you wanted to mutter, but again: you couldn’t make Ivar discover about Erik.

At first it had been a petty thought of your broken heart, but the more Erik grew the more you were scared that Ivar knowing of him would take him away from you.

It was irrational, but sometimes you would check out on your child.

You would do it also that night.

“Quite some time, indeed” you shot back, telling him the total and asking whether he would be paying in cash or not.

Ivar seemed a bit taken aback by the coldness in your tone, but reacted to it better than he was used, hiding his pain at your harshness, as he told you he would be paying in cash, keeping up the entire rest of the transaction in silence, meanwhile you opened the cash collected the money, counting it discreetly, printed the receipt.

He tried to do one last attempt.

“… we should come all together one of these days”.

More like hell no.

But you didn’t reject the proposal completely.

“It would be nice” Ivar’s face seemed to regain a bit of color at that affirmation “I am just a lot busy with work, but I’ll see what I can do”.

And with that you passed him the receipt and wished him a good day, turning to the kitchen to fake an emergency there, whereas Will was simply packing you the leftovers which would be your dinner.

You waited there, spying on Ivar, seeing him for the first time in five years properly: he dressed as the industrial magnate he was rumored to become in a few years, expanding his father’s properties, but he didn’t have the face of an happy magnate.

At least Destiny hadn’t given him that.

He indulged a bit on his feet, and pushed a few dollar bills into the tips bucket, something that low key opened a bit your heart to him but didn’t make you feel any less convinced about hiding him from Erik.

You closed the shop alongside Marlou, who continued on commenting about how ‘gorgeous were your school friends’.

‘They were all so handsome! Ahh what a lucky family!’.

‘They could have been your children!’ you had retorted almost receiving an elbow in your stomach from the woman, as she muttered that ‘at least it would have been better than Karl’, her thirty something unemployed son with a permanent place on her sofa.

After you had wished her ‘goodnight’, you had walked till your apartment, rushing a bit both because seeing Lothbrocks had surprised you and both because you couldn’t wait to see again Eric, who had stayed the day with your mom, waiting simply for you at home to tell you all about his day.

No matter how tired or shaken you were, your son’s smile never failed to make you feel a bit better.

---

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[twiceblackvelvet]

hi

forgive me for the long post, i’m still trying to gather my thoughts on this situation but i’m going to do my best to address the most common issues people bring to me because clearly my intentions are being misconstrued, have become confused for some of you and people attempted to put a lot of words into my mouth last night that i never stated.

i’m also not the best at explaining myself at times but i am going to do my best to offer my own perspective as well as insight into my thinking, so if anyone is confused by anything detailed here, you can simply ask me in a polite manner and i will talk about it with you.

tw // mentions of anxiety, transphobia, self harm, suicide, harassment

i have for a long time discussed my dislike of this community when i first joined it. i thought that the big accounts were all in cliques together, not willing to help anyone and that they just never really cared about much except issues regarding themselves. i’ve also talked about how i personally did not want to be like that as i am unable to just simply “ignore” things i see happening, in fact, i struggle to let go of them as i do tend to hyperfixate on negative situations where i’ve felt like my feelings have been hurt which is very easy for me to feel like has happened even if someone wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt me. i have felt this for a large part of my life which never really became clear to me until i realised it’s also a part of adhd or more specifically rejection sensitive dysphoria.

i feel my emotions incredibly intensely and whether someone intended to upset me or not, i will in the majority of situations i’m in convince myself that they meant to hurt me and then i’ll put myself down because of that. it’s a lot harder for me through a screen to decipher people’s intentions but i try my best not to let it bother me too much, which isn’t easy whatsoever.

i also have anxiety which makes it hard for me to deal with certain situations where increased hate is thrown around so casually because i will start to panic. it also makes it hard for me to approach others particularly when i’m already in a state of anxiety which is kind of a cruel, twisted joke by the universe when you think about it.

however, i do find issues within this community incredibly important to discuss so that people can see how others have had to deal with such things as transphobia and make people realise we can all do better to protect others or make certain changes to try and stop it from happening. so, i always try my best to do what i think is right. people are free to disagree with my methods if they wish but i don’t believe you can stamp out some of these problems by talking about it behind closed doors as no one will ever know what your thoughts on it are, you have no way of educating others and it can come across as unsupportive instead.

when i first decided to use my voice back in May to talk about what in my opinion was one of the bigger accounts within this community, i figured that i had opened the floor for conversations that needed to be discussed about cis-het people in lgbt+ spaces. instead i was met with anonymous messages telling me to harm myself, i received lesbophobic slurs and even someone attacking me based on the fact i had pronouns in my bio who assumed i was trans. this was an incredibly difficult situation for me and caused me to almost be “afraid” of my own account for months. i only began to feel comfortable again when the issue with that same person arose just a few months ago which resulted in them deactivating.

i’m aware there are people out there who are upset with me and others for what they feel is us “bullying” this person off the platform, but what i see is that lgbt+ people/accounts finally decided to keep our spaces safe and i see that people are far more comfortable now with that person gone, whether you like it or not, that is the truth of the matter. they made people feel invalidated, they encouraged violence against lgbt+ people and felt like everything they did was fine. it was not. it never was.

for some reason afterward, people began coming to me to tell me about other people within this community who perhaps didn’t address something or had been friends with that person. i personally struggle to talk to anyone who was friends with them because i know some of them saw the original issue back in May and could have spoken up to at least try and stop people sending death threats, but they didn’t. however, i don’t think these issues have a time limit for people to speak up nor do i think people should instantly go to hate anyone who doesn’t but rather ask them “hey did you see x problem, what are your thoughts?” and then base what happens next on their answer.

but i want to make something very clear, sending messages to people telling them to harm themselves etc. is never the answer. it only causes more pain and takes away the opportunity to have an educational conversation with that person to perhaps make them see that their views may be problematic.

i’m only one person, you know? do i believe that i have this “power” that anons keep telling me i do? no. i think that this community has for a long time been silent on important matters and thus me and a few other blogs being outspoken on some of the bigger accounts who either once were or still are in the community has shaken a lot of things up for people and some don’t like that. i think when addressing such issues as transphobia and reblogging posts from those who have to go through it everyday who maybe detail things they experience, some people have realised they too hold the same beliefs as those who are being called out and by default they feel called out also.

but please don’t ever compare something as dangerous, life-threatening and harmful as transphobia to me not mentioning another creator in an ask. those two are in no way comparable and dilutes the issue of transphobia massively when it has real-life consequences that i’ve personally talked about a situation close to me but also happens every single day unfortunately and we all can do far more/better to protect people who are trans.

i’ve since brought up situations where other creators have either said or done something that i feel is wrong and again, if they’re willing to share opinions that are transphobic or mocking being n/b-phobic publicly, i also think other creators around them have the right to call them out publicly. i won’t apologise for this because again, it can’t be solved behind closed doors as that furthers the silence people previously relied on in this community to avoid helping or supporting others. i think anyone who does believe these things should be discussed privately after the person made it a public issue should reflect on that a little.

as for me not mentioning a specific creator in an ask. it genuinely was not my intention to hurt them or anyone else by not mentioning them, i genuinely just don’t like to talk about people on others’ blogs but especially not if i don’t know the person and they don’t know me. i understand now how that looks bad on me, but i still stand by my choice as i genuinely do not see why it caused such a huge uproar after i had explained myself multiple times.

i have apologised to that creator personally and unfortunately there are other complications there which have made it hard for me to let this issue go, through no fault of their own but rather i just am very aware of how i have now fixated on this and i have to get myself out of that ultimately. but i want to reiterate here that there is no problem on my side toward them, i genuinely just do not like to talk about others that i don’t know. i never have liked that as i’ve had it happen to me but there’s nothing more i can do about it now. i hope they’re able to see i meant no harm whatsoever as i hope the rest of you can but i understand if not.

i’m very aware that at least one of the anons from last night is someone who has previously attacked me on multiple occasions (same language etc.) and it does scare me a little bit that there is someone essentially just watching my account and waiting for me to do or say anything so they can strike and attack me but again there’s nothing i can do about that other than block them from sending asks (tried it) but if they continue to persist i don’t know what more i can do to protect myself from that.

i’ve opened myself up a lot here and i’m very proud of that because it’s something i struggle with, however, i’m also aware people can now use those things against me. but to see that someone mentioned my own relationship last night hurt me deeply because whilst i don’t mind talking about it, i also don’t wish for anyone to feel like they’re close enough to our relationship that they have the right to bring it up so casually as a way to try and hurt either of us or that any of you are entitled to an opinion on it because none of you truly know either of us or how our relationship works, nor will you ever from me at least. ultimately, no one has that right to mention our relationship but the both of us is my point. so don’t try and pull that with me, you won’t like the outcome.

i want to end this by saying that i’m fine and reassure you all that i’ve been able to let all of this go but the truth is i’m not fine right now. i always try to find a “fix” for any problems people have because i want to help everyone but i struggle to do so when it comes to my own ultimately and i also don’t believe there is a “fix” for this but rather i just have to come to terms with the fact that my values in wanting to stand up for others (which i will continue to do) or not wanting to talk about people who i don’t know have ultimately hurt others so i have to figure out a way to bring this back to a positive state for myself. i’m just unsure how currently but i’ll figure it out.

i apologise again for not mentioning a-nxny in that ask, it was not an intentional thing and i honestly did not think or believe anyone would find offense in it and had i known i wouldn’t have done that, but i do hope people can at least see this from my perspective a little bit and then it’s up to you whether you agree or disagree, again there’s no fix for this.

i am begging all of you who read this who maybe has sent hurtful things either recently or previously to please reconsider as that is never the answer and i do not condone anything of that nature whatsoever. if in future you see me talking about certain issues or if another creator does something problematic, don’t then go and harass them with asks wishing them harm. instead either approach them from an educational point of view or dont approach them at all. i am someone who this has happened with and had to get myself out of suicidal thoughts because of people doing this back in May, so don’t do it to someone else, please.

[closer-stars]

Strength - Hongjoong

Member: Hongjoong

Genre: Comfort? Fluff? 

Word Count: idk a lot.

Content: I had a lot of things going in my personal life so this happened. To those who have requested a fic from me, please wait patiently. I’ve been doing them I promise ;; it's okay to reblog this. 

Hongjoong finds himself unable to go back to sleep. Even if he tries to lay on his side, or his stomach, he didn’t feel any ounce of sleep again. He didn’t want to disrupt Seonghwa’s sleep so he pushed himself out of bed and figured that a glass of water could help him go back to sleep. 

He spots the door to your room still open. His eyebrows furrow in confusion, and he peeks in. You weren’t in bed sleeping. Were you in the living room? He stumbles down the hallway (maybe pushing himself up all of a sudden was a bad idea), to hopefully see you just in the living room. 

You weren’t. 

He turns to the door, since that was the last logical place he could think of at 2 in the morning. Your house slippers were there but your usual sneakers weren’t. Maybe it was his leader intuition skills, but he decided to check if you were on the roof top again. He quietly grabs his hoodie and puts on his sneakers then making his way to the rooftop hoping you’d be there. 

The ash haired male peeks behind the door. He couldn’t see you from where his view point. He slowly steps out and looks around, eyes scanning for any sign of your familiar figure. His search was fruitful, seeing you lean stand a few feet away from the ledge. Even at times like this, your fear of heights seem to get the better of you. 

“Hey.” He greets you, startling you out of your thoughts. Your hands were deep in the pockets of your hoodie. While his eyes stay at your features, he spots the tell tale sign of coffee that you probably had bought from a convenience store. You hum your greeting to him, your gaze was still steady on what’s in front of you: other rooftops of apartment complexes, facades of other buildings, some rooms still showing signs of life, some dead asleep at this hour. 

It was obvious that you were deep in your thoughts, and he could only assume what caused this. “Can’t sleep?” He asks, leaning against the wall. Knowing you, if he leaned against the railing, he’d get his ear nagged off to not lean on it. He knew better. 

You rub your eyes with your knuckles. You actually can sleep now: your eyelids heavy but your mind was busy. Busy with the words you and your parents had exchanged earlier that day. It hurt you but you didn’t have the heart to tell that to any of them. You were used to fending for yourself. “Kind of yeah..” You say with a dejected laugh as you bring out your coffee and take another sip.

“Hey, how can you sleep when you’re drinking coffee..” Hongjoong’s whines, resulting in you to laugh at how childlike he sounds when he whines. “Ah, really...” He says after hearing you laugh at him. At least you still had some strength in you to be able to laugh. 

“Sorry, just got a lot in my mind, Joong..” You apologize after calming down. The bottle finds itself back in your pocket, slightly pulling your hoodie down lopsidedly. Another sigh slips through your cold lips. Your mind’s a mess of concerns and insecurities. 

He takes his time to study your features: eyebags from the lack of sleep, the dim look of exhaustion in your eyes, the thoroughly bitten lips from constantly overthinking. “Parents?” He asks slowly. He remembered you being in a call with your parents earlier that day. While your earphones cancel any outside noise, the level you have them on can make him hear bits and pieces of the conversation. He only had a vague idea of what it was about but he remembers how steely your face had turned the longer the call went. 

You finally tear your gaze away from the slowly changing sky to him. Seconds pass and they feel like eternity before you nod. “Yeah. The usual conversation that I’ve come to love.” Your tone dry. He knew what that meant and didn’t pry anymore on what words were exchanged. 

Your struggles hit him a lot harder than expected; maybe it was because he too wasn’t one to share of his own struggles to anyone. To see you do the same, he somehow understood why the other members would often remind him to lean on them too. He also understands why you weren’t one to talk as openly as the others when it came down to it. 

For someone who wasn’t a big fan of physical affection as so he claimed, he opens his arms for you. You don’t turn down the invite and let yourself be enveloped by his warmth and his acceptance. 

“You’re still yourself. Even if you didn’t go down the road your parents wanted, you’re still someone we’re proud of. Your parents may have wanted you to become everything they wanted, but you’re becoming everything you wanted and that’s more important.” He says against your hair. 

You stiffen in his hold, not expecting him to say such words. You stay unmoving in his hold, hands hidden in your pockets. It was only now that you feel the cold air biting your legs. 

“You’ve been strong all this years. Their beliefs don’t define you. They won’t hold you back. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to let your walls down. You have us.You don’t have to worry.” He says, faintly singing to your ear. 

They were words you needed to hear, not from your own self but from someone else. You hide your eyes against the curve of his neck and shoulder. You didn’t want him to see you cry, you’ve always been strong in the face of hardships. Yet this difficulty made it hard for you to stand on your own. Hongjoong’s warmth in his actions and words have hit a chord in your heart. His hands thread through your hair, combing through the strands in hopes of calming you down. 

His skin starts to feel wet from your hidden tears. A small part in him finds relief in having you cry it out yet the bigger part of him is concerned with your well-being. He used to wonder: what was worse: quiet tears where your shoulders try so hard to not shake or loud sobs that were brought out deep from your own gut? He got his answer as you cry in his arms. He wonders too if this was how his members feel in circumstances where he nearly breaks. He knows he has an image of a leader to uphold, but being just Kim Hongjoong to his members wasn’t going to harm anyone. 

He doesn’t say anything anymore, as he lets you cry out the struggles you’ve kept to yourself. He doesn’t know how long the both of you were on the rooftop, but the sky was turning from a dark purple to light blue. You’ve calmed down by then, wiping your tears with the sleeves of your hoodie. “Ready to go back?” He asks softly as he lowers himself slightly to look at your downcast face. You quickly try to hide your puffy eyes from him with your hair and the hood but nod at his question, causing him to smile slightly. His arm was around your shoulder this time as he leads the both of you back to your apartment. 

On the way back, your head leans against his shoulder and in response, he lets his head lightly rest atop of your head. He brings you back to your bed, making sure you had a glass of water and painkiller by your bed side for when you wake up.

You’ll be fine, he thought. As long as you had him and the rest of the boys, you’ll be able to grow into someone you can be proud of.