#pls excuse the awkward dialogue

[el-pada]

post big mama comic attempt

[hopelessdazai]

Dazai and female s/o being each other first time?

✿ 》Those Promises Of Yours.

╰⧼ 🪻 note.. ⧽ ; I got you anon. coming right up. [ holy shit zai update. apologies for my absence once again, writing hasn't been a priority recently but I'll try to start up again :) feel free 2 send in vague concepts / thirsts pls ]

╰⧼ 🌙 contents.. ⧽ ; dazai x f!reader, nsfw, slight corruption from dazais end but its still all consensual, vague mention of self harm once, dazai can't keep his fuckin promises, slightly rough sex, no aftercare but it's hinted at + he's soft at the end anyway. I suck at dialogue.

dazai osamu was a womaniser, a player anything but loyal.

that was something that everyone had learnt to know and only some could bring to love. this fact wasn't foreign to you, and neither was it ignored. though you certainly hadn't anticipated that he himself was a virgin.

so you found yourself in his lap in your apartment. he'd refused to take you back to his, claiming "a princess such as yourself should have the luxury of familiarity," but you could've easily called his bluff with the stench of alcohol on his breath. the place was probably ridden with bottles and signs of his lowest mental points.

he'd never been good at being vaunrable anyway.

dazai fumbles with your shirt, his hands shakily trying to unbutton them in a way that would hopefully erase the concept he didn't know what he was doing. you took it upon yourself to close your hand over his, giving him a soft smile, which he returned. you could almost smell the anxiety dripping from his body. was he sweating?

"it must be the drugs," he mumbles, finding an excuse. his voice is hoarse, tense, even. nothing like the usual confidence he carried himself with; his tone had never been anything but smug. and you liked this side of him. you loved it.

"you're sober." you respond, your tongue had carried nothing but truthfulness this entire time. and you were nervous too. the vaunrability that was required of both of you was enough to keep your mouth without a lie. he laughs breathily, sliding your shirt from your shoulders and unclasping your bra with only mild difficulty.

"I could be masking, no?" the brunette begins, his hand sliding down under your skirt to tap at the inside of your thigh. your breath hitches. "I've always been rather good at hiding when I'm high. you should know that." you shake your head. he didn't smell like any drug. just him. just dazai.

"you're being too conscious to be high." you respond, working to undress him back. it'd be too awkward if you were the only one shirtless, your mind wasn't foggy yet. but you still couldn't get rid of the ache between your legs. he was all you needed.

dazai doesn't respond, merely wrapping a hand around your neck and pulling you into a kiss. he was acting, you could feel it. none of his gestures were the same as how you'd see him treat the ladies he'd woo at the bar. it felt real, raw. you kiss him back.

he helps you undress him, you find yourself in a state where the only covers you both possess are your underwear. completely at each others mercy, vaunrable.

he wasn't sure if he hated it or not.

dazai brings a hand down to pull your underwear aside, collecting your wetness with his middle finger. it almost felt like he himself was adjusting to your anatomy, figuring where he'd have to touch to make you feel good. he'd always spoken about wanting to give you the best experience he could.

you wince at the intrusion as he slides his finger into you, feeling him bend down to gently kiss your forehead as he worked you apart like woolen scarfs in the autumn. the warmth of a promise to carry you through to the next spring. an unvoulentary whimper leaves your lips as he brushes against a certain spot, and you swear his eyes darken a shade.

dazai had promised himself he'd make sure it wouldn't hurt for you. he promised that he'd gently ease you in. he'd promised a lot of things. but after seeing you like this, you might as well slice his pinky finger clean off.

he doesn't quite know what's coming over him when he lays you down on the couch, pulling your underwear completely down and tossing them somewhere in the room, he didn't care. he slides a second finger into you and almost lets out a gasp at how you tighten.

he'd promised to be gentle.

"osamu." you whisper, your voice almost foreign to you. his eyes met yours, then did his lips. you'd felt how desperate he'd become, sloppy open mouthed kisses where his tongue tried to cherish your taste for all eternity. maybe calling him by a name he'd never heard wasn't the best idea.

he pulls away, pulling his fingers out and making quick work of shuffling his boxers off. gently sliding his cock in-between the warmth of your folds, daring to slide in without the prep he knew you would've needed.

the prep he promised.

he meets your gaze, noticing the slight fear in your eyes. he knew it'd hurt you, dazai knew damn well the pain the stretch would cause. but something about those eyes of yours, something about the look of fear. it was almost like he didn't care. he didn't mind breaking a promise.

"..hold your breath." He mutters, gradually sliding himself into you, and you let out a whine, trying to hold your breath like instructed. he felt your nails dig into his back. they'd be nice marks to tattoo permanently, maybe you'd be a healthier method of drawing his own blood. his pelvis pressed against yours

he smiled as you let out a shaky exhale, staying still to allow you at least a small adjustment period. cupping your cheeks as a tear fell down your cheek. fuck. he couldn't even find it in him to feel bad anymore. you were so warm.

you'd only managed to focus your eyes to look up at him for a second, before clenching them shut as he snapped his hips against yours. it stung, you could feel the trickle of blood.

"ah- 'samu-.. wait-!" was all you could manage to say, hearing his breath get heavier as he set himself a pace. he wasn't waiting for you to adjust anymore, he wasn't waiting for anything. if he could prioritise himself once, this was the time.

"shh-.. shh.. 'tll feel good. I promise. fuck-" his voice broke, moving a hand to hold onto your thigh, pushing it up to meet your shoulder. you were never this flexible, it almost stung. but you couldn't do anything but trust him.

and something about it did feel good. even as the burn hit you from more areas then you would've liked; something about the desperation behind how dazai fucked you and how he was using you to relieve his stress. it felt good. you enjoyed to be used like this.

your mind fogged, feeling him hit that one spot inside you repeatedly, you were struggling to breathe. struggling to think straight, struggling to focus on anything but the man inside of you. and dazai seemed the same. his mouth half open and bangs out of order, hanging in front of his eyes. you could hear his heavy breaths and faint whines. and it only turned you on further.

your nails dug into his back, the only sensation you processed was his thumb rubbing your clit as you hit your high, chanting out his name like a mantra as he chuckled, his thrusts becoming rougher before he buried himself deep into you, an unfamiliar warmth filling your abdomen. your vision going white.

you almost blacked out for a moment.

"..sweetheart?" a sweet voice called out as you regained your ability to see. dazai's arms were shaking, obviously struggling to keep himself pinned up over you. his eyes were softer, kinder. a man you barely knew. there was a shine of concern in them.

"..are you okay? shit- did I go too far? 'm sorry.. you felt so good.. you're a good girl.." and all you did in response was smile. he'd done enough, he'd always be enough. though the stickiness between your thighs and loss of fullness as he pulled out was mildly discomforting.

"mmhm.. im fine." you reply, feeling him sit himself back, pulling you up and into his arms. pressing you close to him and peppering you with kisses. "I love you.. s'much.. my baby.. im sorry.. i know I broke my promise. i'll get you cleaned up.."

you just smiled. maybe this broken promise wasn't so bad after all.

[pashminalamb]

✨Third one✨ (part 1)

ASJJFYJKHFTUJHG. As soon as I saw the header with Oliver I know it was finally time. LET THE FLIRTY-PLAYBOY-BABYGIRL SERIES BEGIN!!!!

I wanted to take my time diving into this fic and really digest and understand it as much as I can on my first read because I know it’ll be amazing so I saved it for last.

Love the setting up. The description is fantastic. Ohhhh there’s an older sister huh? I wonder if that relationship will come into play later 👀👀. PSHHHHHHHH THEIR FIRST INTERACTION IS LITERALLY COMPARABLE TO TWO JUDGY BRATS PLS ADJMHGGJNNH. This is amazing I already love where this is going Belle. Oh and they tolerate each other now? Hmmmm very much the potential for ignored feelings. “You can pay me back when you become a football star” oh ho ho making promises for the future already are we now? Loving how y/n is a tsundere but still shows that she cares. It’s really cute and adorable. ASHKKGFKKJHGGGG WHY IS IT ALWAYS 16 💀💀??? When I was 16 I was busy trying to survive high school, pass my classes, and watching anime. And here we have realizations of love already what?? Not a problem at all tho I love how quick this is moving along. Getting to the meat of it soon I hope. GASPS YOU DID NOT!!!! AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES ASDJKGGHJHHHG YESSSSSS. NAHHHHH STAB ME IN THE HEART WHY DONT YOU HE REALLY PULLED THE GAY ROOMMATE CARD OLIVER ISTG IF YOU DONT GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR- ahem anyways tough luck y/n stay strong girl 😭😤. Not you already being his wife what is this married-with-benefits 💀💀. Oliver wake up and kiss her already idc if it’s only chapter one 🙄😤🤚🏼. Oh thank God the sisterhood is safe *sighs in relief* as much as I love the drama that would’ve occurred if it had gone “that” route there seriously needs to be more loving sister relationships in writing, blood related or not. We Stan a supportive older sister 😤😤 (that digs up our buried love feelings for us even though we buried then for a reason 💀💀). LOVING THE ADVICE YES PUT YOURSELF FIRST YOU CANT WAIT FOR SOMEONE FOREVER BECAUSE OF THE POTENTIAL YOU SEE IN THEM AND STUNG YOUR OWN GROWTH IF THE TIME IS RIGHT ITLL HAPPEN. This is making me cry what the heck. I really needed to hear a variation of this at many points in life. I swear to God if Oliver starts coming around right after we start moving on I’m gonna riot. On the other hand love how y/n is starting to be real with herself like yes sweetheart you deserve better (and you’ll get that in him after you both grow separately ofc). OH ITS GONNA BE DUAL POV????? HECK YEAH GIMME THE TINY DETAILS FROM THE OTHER PERSON!!!! Oof not the wedding invite scenario pls this reality setting in part is hurting me so much legit tearing up rn gimme a minute Belle 😭😭. *sniffles* but the GROWTH it’s the first step y/n I know it’s hard but you gotta separate honey 😭😤. NO PLS GOD NO HOW DARE HE COME BACK AS IM SOBBING WHAT THE HECK OLIVER PRIVACY MAN. Not him giving you physical affection right when you’re most vulnerable and coming to terms with getting over him and looking all worried LIKE NO STOP THIS IS NOT HELPING OLI. Oh no not the alcohol 💀💀. This is gonna go great just fantastic isn’t it? *inhales deeply* Belle I’m not joking when I say that I was screaming internally the entire sex scene LIKE WHAT. Kicking my feet blushing and everything. It really felt so real. And the dialogue??? Magnificent!!! Tbh it was my favorite part. In my head I was like “NOOOOOOOO” when you kissed him but at the same time “…yes” when it started getting steamy and the teasing plus the praise??? Kill me now why don’t you. NOOOOO NOT THE AWKWARD MORNING *sobs* I mean I was expecting it but like. Serious. Emotional. Damage. 😭😭😭. Oh no. No you can’t be serious. Tearing up again hold on. The eavesdropping on the phone convo broke my heart seriously ouch. Not the way I gasped when he just walked passed the suitcases. Ahh yes. The m word huh? Excuse we while I go sob again. Almost nothing hurts worse than being called a mistake. Either from yourself or others it’s never fun. Speaking from experience. I knew the emotional outburst confession was coming. I knew. But still. Damn. If only everything could be fixed by telling your feeling out. Love her for that. Finally coming clean with everything. Also Oliver’s being such a jerk and an asshole rn but I know the later redemption is gonna be worth it. Still pissed at him rn tho.

- ✨ anon

✨Third one✨ (part 2) It really made me make a part two because the word count was too high the heck.Still pissed at him rn tho. Anyways moving on. I freaking adore how she also wrote her current feelings down as a part of the first letter. And how she just. Didn’t hesitate. And moved on. We’ve got a flight to catch. Oh my God that fic was amazing. Seriously. You outdid yourself. The pacing was fast enough that it didn’t feel dragged out. The characterization was absolutely on point. The oc characters had their own personalities no matter how few lines they had. The dialogue was emotional and to the point. And it was just overall really realistic in the sense of being human, loving, hurting, and moving on. It made me cry so many times. I had to take so many breaks Belle. It was seriously amazing and I loved it so much. I cant wait for the second chapter whenever it comes out!!! - ✨ anon

I read this ask over 20 times (or maybe more already) cause i love it when people go over the details of my writing and you got all of them! (⋟﹏⋞) Thinking if i should make a note of recommended songs before the chapter so that it make it a more immersive experience? The original setup was supposed to be different back in August, but then I came up with this in September. Mei was a part of the story, but the age gap was a really big one - and i had to make a change midway, so mei is 3 years older than (y/n)... I wanted to keep the pacing of the story to a medium because sometimes the details and the amount of drama that happens is such a drag that I wanted to move past that and onto the real stuff; not to mention that if i did drag it out, it would be more than 5 chapters. Mei and (y/n)'s relationship is gonna have more emphasis as the story progresses (cause honestly this is a simple plot but a very complicated one to explain and I don't wanna give away spoilers cause I wanna just see the reaction you guys are gonna give me) and most of the lines that i used in the first part are the ones that are going to be covered in the latter part of the series. it is going to be a dual pov (spoilers for part 2; the story is gonna be from Oliver's pov.) oh god- and this was the first part💀. you might need the whole box of tissues honestly for the onslaught that's gonna come. (i did cry btw. I ate the jar of nutella in such short time for a reason) The sex was such a drag to write honestly 💀 cause i was just not feeling it. Like really not feeling it; and i wanted to get to the conclusion and the angst (cause the potential for dialogue and feelings is high in those areas) but in the end, it ended up being satisfactory when i read it. Leaving the alcohol part out, everyone's first time should be a fun one and my attempt at keeping your standards and expectations high . (you saying that it felt real made my day, cause often times when i read smut, i really can't relate to it cause it straight up sounds like porn sometimes and porn is very unrealistic.) As for the concluding part of it, i had a bit of a struggle cause (y/n) needed a reason to back away from Oliver and the eavesdropping on the other side of the door was the last straw. And then... I just let my fingers do the magic, just typing everything out.

The amount of times I cried cause of the songs I used to write all of this, and the fact that it hits close to home. The second part is going to go on the ao3 account... still deciding the username i want so that i can upload my works there

But thank you for liking and reading it - cause i really enjoyed writing this one. i've already decided the songs i want to put for the next chapter

[dejwrites]

Lmfaooo I hate awkward I come off even when I’m doing anonymous excuse that pls 😭

But my question was have you ever tried to write but you were struggling to get anything out and the minute you decide to leave it for another time you get hit with the randomest motivation to write?

it’s okay, no need to apologize for something like that. to answer your question, yes. all the freakin time. when i get writers burn out and i struggle to write even a simple paragraph or dialogue, i never try to force myself to do it. i just come back to it when i do get inspiration or motivation to write. which sometimes i get it at the most random times, while I’m at work, early in the morning, while i’m at the gym, eating. that’s why i have google docs on my phone just for those random bursts of motivation

[muttfangs]

processing shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit and rantiiiiinnnnggg👍

rrrghhhhhhgh I'm trying to do better by myself and others by being an effective communicator and being less "rigid" and "stubborn" but fffffffffrrghh one of my close irl friends is just **SO** incredibly annoying it's astounding at times. I love him but he REALLLLLYYY pisses me off sometimes with how obtuse and insensitive he is. for context he is a white-passing trans man. incredibly neoliberal. twink. conventionally attractive. I mention the above descriptors bc he's super insensitive and shallow in regards to how ppl look at times. he will occasionally bring up how he's happy his transphobic brother is "fat" and how he "looks better than him now". speaking to me. a fat dude. and I understand you hate your brother (he's a huge piece of shit!) but theres a ZILION things you could pick him apart for... and you chose his appearance? while speaking to me, someone who looks like him? and every time I catch him saying gross superficial shit I say "hey, that isn't fair to rag on someone's appearance" he PUSHES BACK AT ME LIKE??? BRO. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW HURTFUL THIS IS TO HEAR FROM YOU. EVEN IF IT ISN'T ABOUT ME DIRECTLY. YOU ARE STILL SAYING FAT AND BALD PEOPLE ARE UGLY. I AM BOTH. he also just like... doesn't want to listen to anyone's opinion if they feel differently from him regarding gender / politics. I attempt to open dialogues with him about leftist theory... and thinking deeper... but he thinks he's right no matter what and just digs his heels in and metaphorically plugs his ears and goes LALALALA and it's??? quite frankly infuriating for example: i've told him multiple times at this point that I'm not comfortable in sapphic spaces. I am a dude. I look like a dude. I sound like a dude. I'm gnc but I use he / him. and I don't want to be invasive in spaces meant for lesbians. it feels super awkward and upsetting (AND REALLY WEIRD.....) when there's "parties" that are for """"AFAB people only"""" and he asks me to go w/ him????????? like uhh...... this is gender reductionist theory 101. what are they gonna do like. check ppl's junk at the door? make you bring a copy of your birth certificate? that's fucking weird, man. he invited me to another one when I was at our mutual friends place last week saying "this one is different! no cis men allowed!!" and it just makes me stop and think for a moment like... how do you quantify cisness....? I look unclockable. I look cis. would I not be allowed in even though I'm trans? would they not allow me in until I showed them I have a cunt? like what is the fucking thought process here, bro? clearly every time you try to invite me to these like fuckin terfy ass VAGINA HAVERZ ONLY parties I get really uncomfortable so ??? why do you keep asking??? why do you not listen to me when I tell you it's fuckin WEIRD to be exclusionary like that?? why not instead have a "no transphobes allowed" rule instead (WHICH MAKES WAY MORE SENSE???? THAN NO CIS MEN????)?? ... like I hate to beat on my fuckin drum about gender theory adn whatever... but barring "cis men" from these parties bars (pls excuse my language I dont have a better descriptor) AMAB eggs from exploring. it bars ppl from finding themselves. it bars cis men who maybe want to play around with their expressions or sexuality. and, needless to say it's WILDLY UNCOMFORTABLE to be reduced back down to my genitals. I'm more than just a walking cunt. I'm a complex human being. and I have ****zero**** fuckign interest being in these thinly veiled VAGINUZ ONLY TERF spaces. but he's all about that shit and doesnt care!!!! whatever!!!!!!!!!!

[crushquotesandadvice]

Hi!! I'm so very new to this whole things so pls excuse me if I'm being to direct but I srsly need advice

Uh idk how to out this but I think my best friend's ex has feelings for me.

I'm not very sure about my feelings towards him at all, I don't have any romantic feelings towards him as of such and I think of him as a really nice friend

Me and him were always friends from the very beginning even before they began dating. Ofcourse when they (my bsf and her ex) started dating I obviously was not that close with him and only after they broke up and he reached out to me to explain him side of the story and that my bsf and him both chose to remain as friends did we also start resume our friendship

Ofcourse we didn't resume our friendship right away and honestly I didn't want to because it felt awkward.

But my bsf didn't seem to mind until the past few days where..he's showing alot of interest

- 🌿 anon

Ahhh I can see your dilemma lol. I think a good standard to uphold in any situation is honesty, with your bestfriend and their ex. Maybe talking to your bestfriend about how they feel about all of you being friends can help. It'll give you a good idea on where they stand and it might help you navigate the friendship with the ex a little more. I think as long as you are unsure of your feelings about the ex, the only conversation needed is the one about your friendships with both of them. But I believe if you keep open dialogue with your bestie about how youre feeling that can simplify a complicated situation.

Good luck!

Keep crushing...xoxo

[fallinfl0wers]

hello!! c: I loved prompt 18 and so I was wondering if you could write something with childe, diluc and kaeya ​​(separately) where your s/o is very excited for the date that was arranged, the reader gets dressed and puts on his/her best clothes, but then after waiting a long time for her partner, she realizes that he won't show up. Maybe after returning home find the character sleeping or doing something else? angst/hurt with comfort attempt pls? 😭

When he stands you up, and then apologizes

summary: you had both agreed to this date, you even planned it on advance so that it wouldn't interfere with his schedule together! ...so why isn't he here? includes: childe (19 bullet points), diluc (21 bullet points), kaeya (19 bullet points) format: bulletted headcanons + small dialogues warnings: reader being stood up, also i think this turned out to be really gender neutral? i think i didn't really use gendered words... thank you for your request! i hope you like it >< i'm still not very good at writing kaeya, so i hope this was okay;;

Diluc

Truth be told, you were already expecting this to happen. Deep down.

But that didn't make it hurt any less.

You both had planned it with months of anticipation, too. He promised you he'd be here.

But here you were, coming back home after being stood up. You had waited for him for hours, and he never showed up.

So you were back at the winery, and he wasn't even there. The maids told you he had to attend... some business outside.

Just great, you thought as you entered your shared, empty room and put on some more comfortable clothing. He forgot about it.

When Diluc gets home late at night and goes to your room, he's greeted with you snacking on some cookies and reading a novel.

"Love?" "Oh, you're finally home. Hi."

Diluc feels guilty. The reason why he hadn't gone to your date was because he had received yet another threatening letter from the abyss order and had to take care of that as soon as possible.

It really wasn't his intention to stand you up!

Even if you know about his vigilante duties, he feels hesitant on telling you this.

He feels like it sounds like an excuse even if it isn't and he has proof.

So he kneels down next to the bed while you keep giving him the cold shoulder, hurt, yet trying not to show it to him.

"I'm sorry, love. I really am. I promise you this will be the last time something like this happens. Please let me make it up to you."

And making it up he does.

For the rest of the month, he clears his schedule as much as possible to spend time with you.

Whatever you want to get or do, he will get or do.

You want to eat your favorite cake? He'll get the maids to bake it for you.

You want to visit Liyue, you say? He can take you there and get you anything that catches your attention, from a simple dish to the most expensive of jewerly and outfits you could want.

He's awkward with his words, but even then he tries for you and tells you how precious you are to him, how much he loves you and how sorry he still is he sometimes can't spoil you and spend time with you how you deserve.

More than anything, though, he spends quality time with you and does acts of service for you besides the multiple gifts (since you probably rejected a lot of his offers to get you things). That's how he tries to make it all up to you.

He promises he'll be more careful from now on.

And he kept that promise, since in the next big date you organized, he was there an hour early with a bouquet of your favorite flowers, waiting for you.

You were never stood up again.

Childe/Tartaglia/Ajax

Normally, you wouldn't blame him or be too hurt when this kind of thing happens.

You understand he has a very important position within the Fatui and that means he can be sent on important, urgent missions at any time and he can't complain or go against his orders.

You respect his work, you get it and all.

But this time what hurt you the most wasn't being stood up, it was the fact that he didn't show up the next day, or the next, or the next, or the next after that.

He practically disappeared for two months without any notice and without sending any kind of letter or message.

A lot of the usual agents you'd see working at the bank and you knew worked under his command weren't there, and the few who were had no clue where he went.

You were both angry, hurt and worried sick.

You waited, and waited, and kept on waiting.

And the night he finally came back home, fortunately unharmed, you literally tackled him with a hug with tears in your eyes.

"Uwah, you missed me that much~? Wait- it's not the time for this! I'm- I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry I couldn't go to our date that day, it really wasn't my intention to-" "S-shut up! I- Do you know how worried I was?!"

He was thinking about your date the whole time he was away on that long, long mission.

Ajax can be a lot of things, most of which are bad things, but he would NEVER break a promise.

So he feels extremely guilty for breaking that one promise he had with you :(

If you thought Diluc could start to get overwhelming with gifts and attention, you have yet to see what Childe is willing to do to earn your forgiveness.

You WILL be treated like royalty, whether you want to or not.

He will spoil you rotten with everything he can. Food, gifts, travels, physical affection, adventures, theatre plays, concerts, art works, books-

Say the word and he will give you whatever you want. No need to hold back! He loves spoiling you, don't feel guilty for anything.

Hell, he would even let you beat him up without defending himself if you were really that mad at him.

"Okay, do you remember what we say in Snezhnaya about pinkie promises? If we break one, we can be thrown in the ice. Do you want us to go to Dragonspine so you can throw me in the ice or something?!" "A-ajax, we don't need to go that far!!" Or maybe you do, hmm...

Overall he's very apologetic and feels a bit disappointed in himself.

He never wants to break your trust, so he will make sure this won't happen again!

Kaeya

The Cavalry Captain is a very busy person, even if it sometimes doesn't look like it.

You know it, you've known it from the very start.

But it doesn't make it any less humilliating or painful to leave on your own after waiting for him for hours just for him not to show up at all.

You go back home and, after having cried for a while, you go to sleep on your own, locking the door from inside and keeping the key with you.

So when Kaeya went back home, he couldn't enter the room to sleep.

This man literally forgot about your date, sorry.

He just got so busy early in the day- he was practically overworked the entire day and couldn't get out to go to your date.

In fact, he was so tired at the moment that he feel asleep the moment he sat down on the couch.

So the apology would wait until tomorrow, when you would finally get out from the room to have breakfast.

You saw no glimpse of him, and assumed he just wasn't home right now.

But as you were making breakfast for yourself, he appeared seemingly out of nowhere and hugged you from behind.

"Hello there, darling... I'm sorry for yesterday, I suddenly got all this work piled upon me. I know, I know it sounds like an excuse but I swear it isn't. I'm just- I'm sorry, sweetheart, I really am."

He goes on to explain everything that happened to him the day before and apoogize over and over again.

He feels so sorry :( He was so stressed and overworked, it really just skipped over his head.

He asks you how would you want him to make it up to you.

He will do about everything you want, no matter what it is.

He, too, would let you hit him for a while if you were feeling mad enough to do it.

He's going to be practically glued to you for the rest of the week- or even the next month if he can!!

He will get very touchy and vocal about it too... Overall, Kaeya is going to be really clingy with you.

You might need to tell him to stop if it gets overwhelming, otherwise, he's going to keep on doing it!

[shoutaaizawas]

Can I request an arrange marriage au with the prompt “Please just kiss me already.” With Hawks?

thank you for the request!!

↳ takami keigo x reader → ❝wings❞

event: au prompts summary: the hero commission wanted you to marry hawks for their own gain. it’s hard for you to accept the loss of freedom but will you gain feelings for him? word count: 7k tags/warnings: drama, fluff, angst, tw kidnapping a/n: um this got a bit out of hand i don’t know what happened edit: i most definitely used the wrong dialogue prompt 😞 i fixed it tho pls excuse my dumb brain

Hawks experienced few freedoms in his life. Since he was young he had been under the hero commissions thumb. It didn’t come as a surprise that they would control this part of his life as well.

Of course, the hero commission would want to ensure their greatest weapon would live on through his bloodline. Hawks wasn’t sure what to think, he supposed that it was in his best interest not to think about it. It wasn’t like he had a choice.

The ground rules were pretty simple, he was to publicly ‘date’ you for a time, then eventually propose and marry you. It didn’t have to be a big spectacle but just enough that people didn’t question the legitimacy of the marriage. You didn’t have to like each other, you didn’t have to get along, you didn’t even have to live in the same house for all they cared. The only thing the commission wanted was for Hawks to have children with a similar quirk if not a better one.

Hawks shoved it down but the thought made him sick. It was all too easy to remember how they had treated him as a child, took his name away, his identity, they took everything from him. They expected him to have a child and let them do the same to his own blood?

He pushed away the thought, he had no choice. He had no freedom.

You were in a similar boat with Hawks. Your family had given you up when you were young and you had a strong quirk. The commission was more than happy to take you in and turn you into a hero. Your quirk was best suited to rescue work, once they trained you and sent you off into the hero world it was easy to forget that they had you under their thumb. It was rare that they asked anything of you other than to go on certain missions.

That was until they called you in one day and told you their plans. It was hard to accept. They wanted you to marry a man you had never even spoken to just to have children they could train into heroes. It revolted you but you had little choice, the hero commission was too powerful and there was little you could do.

Hawks was handsome, you’d give him that. He stood leaning against a wall clad in a black jacket, white shirt, and dark jeans. You watched as he looked down at his phone before he glanced around the area looking for someone. His gaze caught sight of you and a look of recognition passed through his eyes. He called out your hero name as he stood up straight.

“Hey, fancy meeting you here.” He said with a charming smile. You thought to yourself that in another life you might just be a normal girl meeting a normal guy for a normal first date. There would be butterflies in your stomach as his golden eyes met yours.

But this wasn’t that life. You were someone being forced to marry a man you didn’t know. There were no butterflies, just numbness.

“Almost like we planned it.” You said but there was no playfulness in your voice.

“Heh, yeah.” He said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I got you these, I know that these aren’t normal circumstances but that doesn’t mean I can’t get you some flowers.”

Hawks held out the flowers, it was a small bouquet but it was pretty, wrapped in brown paper.

“Thank you, that’s thoughtful of you.” You said with a small forced smile. You hated the circumstances you were in but you had the feeling that Hawks was in a similar position as you were so the last thing you wanted was to take it out on him.

Dinner was awkward, for all Hawk’s charm in the media it seemed a romantic dinner was enough to throw him off. You couldn’t blame him, you weren’t used to dating. You didn’t have the time to waste on it.

You couldn’t say that you hated Hawks, his awkwardness was surprisingly endearing. A part of you wished you could pretend it was your choice to be with him and throw yourself into the relationship but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel anything.

“I know that we didn’t choose this but I hope we can make the best of it.” Hawks said as you walked out of the restaurant. You looked at him standing there, his crimson wings behind him folded. It was hard not to admire them.

“Look at those wings. Stunning. You could do whatever you want with them. Fly off, anywhere, nothing could stop you. Yet you're here with me.” You said looking at him carefully. “The two of us, powerful heroes but all we really are is two birds locked in a cage.”

“I guess that’s just how it is.” He said his lighthearted demeanor gone.

“Yeah, I suppose so.”

Rationally you knew that it was in your best interest to get to know Hawks. That would only make your life easier, accepting what you knew you couldn’t change. You felt bad, you knew that Hawks was trying his best to go with it despite his lack of experience with relationships.

He gave you gifts, they were surprisingly thoughtful considering you didn’t express your interests to him. He texts you a lot, little things throughout the day. It was oddly endearing and you respected the fact that he didn’t give up despite your lack of interest.

It was a late night, you were over at Hawks apartment for dinner. He invited you over asking for your opinion on a case he was working on. You knew that he used that as an excuse to have you over but you still went with it.

His attempt to make you dinner was valiant even if you had to step in to keep him from burning the place down. It was the thought that counted.

Sitting down in the living room with him, you sipped on a glass of wine. It was rare for you to drink often considering you were always on call as a hero and you assumed Hawks was the same with how tipsy he was after a glass. Not that you could point fingers because you were the same.

“I’m sorry, you’ve tried so hard with me but I can barely manage to smile at you.” You said it seemed the solution to your numbness was at the bottom of a glass of wine. “It was so easy to pretend that I was a normal hero, that I went to a school like everyone else, like I picked my hero name like everyone else, that I had a childhood. But this, us, it makes it impossible to forget. It’s in my face every day that I wake up, every time that I see you. I can’t lie to myself anymore.”

“I accepted that I had no freedom a long time ago.” He said looking at you with sad eyes. You had never seen him look like anything other than the carefree hero the people saw. “That I’m nothing more than a weapon for people playing games that I have no interest in.”

Even without him elaborating you knew that he had been through much more than you had. Your heart sunk in your chest.

“I understand how you’re feeling. I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything, you have enough pressure from the commission.” He said looking serious. “It’s just when I met you I thought that even if this wasn’t my choice it didn’t mean that it couldn’t be a good thing. I’ve been alone so long, it might be nice to be lonely together. I can’t think of anyone else who could understand what we’ve been through. It will take time but I think we could be happy.”

His words hit deep in your chest. It was too much. The wine, the feelings you hadn’t felt in too long. That look in his eyes just shouting at you that he needed love, he needed anything other than the hurt he had felt his whole life. The scariest part was how everything you saw in him you saw in yourself.

You stood up taking a shaky breath.

“I don’t know if I can be that for you.” You said, tears welling in your eyes. Without another word, you walked out. The cold air of the night felt good against your flushed skin. You tried to forget just how sad his honey-colored eyes looked as you walked out.

It had been days since that night and you felt bad. You wished that you could just accept things like he had but every time you thought about it you felt like you were giving in. You knew you had no other option but you still wanted to hold on to the one shred of freedom you had left and if you gave in what did you have left?

Hawks had texted you like normal since that day but you hadn’t replied. You didn’t have a good excuse, you just felt so overwhelmed.

“Pro hero Hawks was hospitalized today after a fight with a villain. The winged hero came out as the winner but was injured badly-” The voice of the reporter filled your ears and you looked up at the screen watching scenes from the fight play out. You flinched as you watched him take a particularly hard hit.

Without thinking you stood up and left, rushing to the hospital that he was in. Thankfully with your status as a hero, it was easy to get in to see other heroes at the hospital. Your heart pounded in your chest, it was complicated between the two of but it didn’t mean you weren’t concerned. In fact, you were surprised at just how scared you were. You couldn’t push away the sick feeling in your stomach.

Opening the door you peeked through to see him laying in the bed, he had bandages around his head and some that went under his hospital gown. He was asleep. You turned to find the nurse that was taking care of him.

“He’s pretty banged up but he’ll make a full recovery.” She said with a warm smile. “We can release him tomorrow if he has someone to stay with him, he needs bed rest and help with his bandages. Do you know if someone can do that for him?”

“I can take care of him.” You said without hesitation, your eagerness surprised even you.

With the knowledge that he wasn’t on his deathbed, you could relax. You stepped in quietly, pulling a chair up to his bedside. Watching the rise and fall of his chest was surprisingly relaxing. It took you a moment to realize that his wings were gone. Your heart rate spiked again as you panicked.

Had he lost his wings? Why would the nurse have not mentioned it? You stood up, placing your hand on his shoulders trying to lean him up to see what had happened.

“Hello to you too.” Hawk's voice startled you and you jumped back. “I have to say that’s a unique way to wake up. One minute I’m passing out after a fight and the next I have you tossing me around.”

“I was not tossing you!” You defended. Only Hawks could wake up after a fight and not hesitate to start teasing you. “I was just checking something.”

“Oh really?” He said. “I don’t have tail feathers if that’s what you were looking for.”

“I was not.” You said folding your arms. “I just didn’t see your wings, I-”

“My wings?” He laughed. “I should have known you only wanted to marry me for my quirk.”

There was a playful look in his eyes but there was a sad truth to the words. You appreciated his humor, trying to make the best of your situation.

“I’m just teasing.” He said before sitting up slowly. He grunted in pain and you reached out to steady him. You watched as his wings, well a smaller version of them spread out. It was kind of cute. “Once my feathers get destroyed it takes a few days for them to grow back. Just give them some time.”

“Oh. I didn’t know.” You said relaxing. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Me too.” He said with a smirk as he laid back.

“The nurse said you could go home tomorrow.” You explained. He quirked an eyebrow. “I’ll be here to take you home tomorrow when they release you.”

Hawks raised both his eyebrows in surprise but didn’t articulate it.

“Okay.” He said.

“Did you want me to get you food?” You asked. “I know hospital food is the worst part. Well, maybe not to the worst part of being here but it’s pretty bad.”

“You don’t have to.” He said. You thought he would take your offer up right away.

“Let me rephrase that, what do you want? I’m getting you food regardless.”

“Oh.” He paused for a moment. “Um, I like chicken.”

“Alright, I’ll be right back then.” You said with a nod. “Hold tight.”

You convinced yourself it was the guilt you felt for ignoring him the past few days driving you to dote on him but you knew that was a lie. There was something about seeing him hurt, that period of time where you didn’t know just how bad he was hurt or if he would make it. It made your stomach flip. You didn’t like it. It made you want to take care of him, it was an unfamiliar feeling.

On your way back from getting the food you stopped to get flowers, you weren’t sure if he liked them but you figured the gesture was nice enough. You spotted a small round bird plushie, you could resist getting it. There was something about it that reminded you of Hawks.

When you got back to his room he was now sitting up with the beds help watching TV. News reports showed his fight, replaying footage of it. You watched him as he carefully watched the screen.

“That was a pretty tough fight.” You said setting the food down on the table before rolling it in front of him. You grabbed his food out for him. “Makes me glad I’m a rescue hero, I don’t fight villains very often.”

“It can be rough sometimes but nothing beats the feeling after you’ve won.” He said looking at you.

“Even when you pass out right after?” You teased.

“Yeah, even then.” He said with a small laugh. He watched as you placed the flowers at his bedside. “Those are really nice, thank you.”

“Can’t compare to all the ones they’ve gotten from the fans. But you bought me flowers so I thought it was my turn.” You said. “Oh, and I got you this. I’m sure you aren’t a fan of plushies but I couldn’t resist. Looks just like you.”

You handed him the round red bird and he took it with a smirk on his face. He held it up inspecting it.

“Is this what you think of me?” He asked facing it towards you.

“Yeah, the resemblance is uncanny.” You said with a straight face. Hawks laughed, not just a chuckle or a dry laugh, he gave you a genuine laugh. The way his eyes lit up made your heart skip a beat. How could he look so handsome with all those bandages on and in a hospital gown? It wasn’t fair.

Hawks let out a grunt of pain from his excessive laughter.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” He said after he calmed down.

Sitting down the two of you ate watching the news report on various things. You would talk here and there about different things. It was odd how things felt so different just in the span of a few days.

The next day you went to the hospital to pick up Hawks taking him back to his apartment. While it was probably nice for him to be out of there and at home the downside was the pain medication they gave him was weaker leaving him in more pain than before. He tried his best to put on that charming smile of his and play it off but you knew he was suffering.

When you got him home you helped him into his bed, setting him up with whatever he needed at his side. You tidied up around his house even though it was pretty clean. You wondered if he had a house cleaner or maybe it was just because he wasn’t home very often. Maybe he put those feathers to work.

Around the late afternoon, you started working on dinner, chicken soup. You knew that he wasn’t sick per se but it was still a healthy dish that would help him recover. You ate with him in his room, cleaning up after dinner.

Once you were done with that you figured his bandages would need changing. You had all the supplies you needed to do so and you were familiar enough with first aid. Your nerves were still through the roof. You knocked on his door before entering.

“I figured you’d want to change them before bed.” You said holding up the roll of gauze you had in your hand.

“That would be nice.” He said sitting up from his position leaning against the pillows with a wince. He turned off the TV leaving the room in silence. A part of you wished he would have left it on so you could distract yourself with something.

You watched as he tried to pull his shirt off, you looked away but glanced back when you heard a grunt of pain.

“Here,” You said grabbing his white shirt from the bottom and pulling it over his head. It took everything in you to keep warmth from blossoming in your cheeks.

It sounded like a simple task, trying to stay professional as you took his bandages off revealing his lean, toned body but in reality, it was a lot harder than anticipated. You did everything you could to keep yourself from looking flustered, you just knew that he would tease you endlessly if he caught on.

Placing the bloodied bandages aside you grabbed the fresh ones. You carefully examined his wounds, making sure that they looked like they were healing right. The gash in his side was deep but looked like it was beginning to heal, the skin that spanned his torso was different shades of purple and black. You winced just looking at it. It made you sad, it had to be hurting him even while he wasn’t moving yet with the way he smiled and teased you it didn’t seem like he was injured this badly.

Gently, you wrapped the gauze around his torso turning your head when you had to get to close to him. You could feel his eyes on you, watching your every move carefully. It made you nervous, you tried not to mess up what you were doing.

Once you finished with that you moved to the gash across his forehead at his hairline. His golden locks had fallen forward and in front of the wound. Soft as you could manage, you brushed the back of your hand across his skin moving the hair out of the way. You noticed how his eyes closed as you did this. For this wound you fished a gauze pad out of your first aid kit, taping it onto his forehead so he wouldn’t have to have the bandages around his head.

“Anything else I can do for you?” You asked. “Do you want me to help you brush your teeth or anything before bed?”

Hawks eyes fluttered open, you tried not to get pulled into them. A soft smile spread across his lips.

“I can manage that.” He said. “Thank you.”

It took everything in you to not run your hands through his hair as you looked down at him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” He questioned.

“I was going to spend the night on the couch if you don’t mind.” You explained gesturing towards his living room.

“Oh.” He said looking taken aback. “Yeah, that’s fine. You know you don’t have to.

“It’s okay, I took the time off to help you. I just thought I’d stay over in case you need anything at night.” You explained. A moment of silence passed and you nodded before turning to head to the living room to get ready for bed.

Hawks grabbed your wrist before you could get too far away.

“You can sleep in my bed. The couch isn’t comfortable. To be honest I barely even sit on it, I’m not home that much.” He laughed. “My beds really big, you can pretend I’m not even here.” He said looking over. He wasn’t wrong the bed was giant, far more than a single person needed but you supposed he didn’t put a lot of thought into his furniture.

The thought of sharing a bed with Hawks made your heart beat fast. You knew that he wasn’t being a creep, you trusted him. You didn’t realize you trusted him until this moment. You supposed that was something. You knew he was being nice by offering for you to sleep in the bed but you couldn’t help but wonder if he had any other motive.

You nodded, leaving to get ready for bed. You changed into something more comfortable before doing your nightly routine and making sure everything was put away and turned off before returning to his room.

The TV was still off and Hawks now laid down with his head on the pillow. He looked stiff, you supposed there weren’t many options when you were injured that much. His small wings splayed under him, looking a little more filled out today than they had been yesterday.

You turned off the main light leaving the bedside lamp as the only source before climbing into bed. You laid down at the edge, you felt so awkward. It wasn’t your bed and you were laying next to Hawks, even if there was a good amount of space between the two of you.

“Thank you.” He said, his gaze remaining on the ceiling. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to.” You said, glancing over at him. His expression looked off, gone was the charming hero replaced by someone more vulnerable. A few moments of silence passed and for a moment you wondered if he had fallen asleep quickly.

“Usually when I get hurt this bad I just end up staying in the hospital.” He said in a small voice. “I’ve never had someone take care of me.”

The hint of shakiness in his voice as he told you that nearly broke your heart. In one moment Hawks went from being the number two hero that everyone knew and loved to a small boy who just needed to be taken care of. You looked over at him turning on your side.

“Well, you’ll always have someone to take care of you now.” You said. In one way it was a joke mirroring the ones he had made about your arranged marriage but a part of you meant that genuinely. In one moment Hawks had broken down the walls you had built to hold onto the last shred of your freedom. The weird part was you felt freer now than you had before.

After the time you spent taking care of Hawks you couldn’t deny that you started to feel something for him. It was subtle at first. It began with you replying to his texts and not just passively. Then you found yourself excited for said texts and whenever you got to see him. Then you started texting him first and making plans to spend time with him

Every once and a while you would feel bad, feel like being interested in him was giving up your freedom. Did you really want to deprive yourself of the one happiness you would be allowed in your circumstance?

One night you were returning home from work, you were exhausted it had been a long day and all you wanted to do was collapse on your bed. You smiled as you replied to a text from Hawks watching into your bedroom.

You heard something from the corner of your room, as you turned to it you saw a dark figure approaching you before everything went dark.

Hawks didn’t consider himself a needy person. He had been alone so long he didn’t even know what it was like to have someone care about him other than for their own personal use of him. Then you came into his life, albeit not willingly but you were both on the same page with that. Ever since his injury the two of you had become so close. He enjoyed it a lot more than he would like to admit.

Hawks wasn’t the type of person to overreact when someone didn’t text him back but it seemed you were the exception to that. You had been in the middle of texting him about your day when you stopped.

He paced the house for an hour before he gave into his concerns. It wouldn’t hurt to fly over to your place, it wasn’t fair. He could drop in on your balcony and just make sure everything was alright.

Your apartment was dark, the blinds nearly closed. You wouldn’t have fallen asleep, you had just gotten home. He was sure you didn’t even have time to sit down much less doze off. He peered through the space in the blinds.

Red filled his vision when he spotted you tied to a chair, a man standing over you. Before he could think better of it he smashed through the glass doors with his wings and pinned the man to the ground in one fell swoop.

The feather he had against the man's neck dug into his skin, a trail of red starting. He had never felt more enraged in his life. How could someone touch his girl? How could someone even think of hurting her? He pressed the feather down and the man let out a yelp of pain.

Then he heard a whimper escape you. He let up on his pressure turning to look at you. Sitting there a rag tied around your mouth, tears running down your face. He had never seen you look so upset. It tore his heart apart. Suddenly he didn’t care about the man on the ground. He shot his smaller red feathers into the edges of his clothes pinning him down with no escape before standing up and moving to your side.

Hawks kneeled at your feet, his feathers moving to cut the ropes that kept you on the chair. His hands moved to your face holding you gently between his hands.

“Are you okay, little bird?” He asked, his voice frantic. He hadn’t even noticed he let the nickname slip.

“I-I’m okay.” You said, your hands moving to hold onto his biceps. He could feel the way you were trembling. “You came for me.”

“Of course I did, I’ll always be here for you.” He said. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.”

Hawks glanced back at the man on the floor. He pulled his phone out calling for someone to pick him up and take him away. Once he did he turned his attention back to you.

“I’m going to pick you up now and I’m going to take you to my place. Is that okay?” He asked. You nodded and he didn’t hesitate to pick you up in his arms.

Flying with Hawks was something you had imagines but nothing compared to actually doing it. The wing through your hair, the city lights passing you by. His speed and elegance was incredible. Even with the scare, you had tonight you could appreciate it. It felt like a dream.

The way your cheek rested against his shoulder, brushing against the fur of his coat. The way you fit in his arms like you were made to, it was nice being held by him.

As his feet hit the ground of his balcony lightly you came back from that dream. The fear that you experienced tonight still in your veins. He placed you on his couch, it really was uncomfortable, before standing in front of you. You hadn’t even realized that he grabbed a bag of stuff from your apartment till he sat it down next to you.

“Are you hungry or thirsty? Do you need anything? What do you need?” He said. It was funny seeing him so unsure of what to do.

“I’m just tired, I want to take a shower and sleep.” You told him. He nodded.

“Are you hurt?” He asked looking you over.

Your head throbbed from the man knocking you out and your wrists were sore from where he tied you down. Other than that you were okay.

“I could use some pain killers for a headache but I’m fine.” You told him.

Hawks quickly retrieved you some medicine and a glass of water. You took it thankfully before you went to take a shower. It was amazing how a shower could make things feel so much better. In your favorite pajamas feeling clean and refreshed it was easy to forget what had happened.

That was until you were finishing getting ready to go to bed. You climbed into bed, feeling less awkward than your last stay but still keeping to your side of the bed.

It was all too easy to hear the man’s voice in your head as you started up at the ceiling. Blaming you for not saving his family in the recent incident in the city. You had tried so hard to get everyone to safety but you couldn’t always save everyone. You knew you couldn’t save everyone but it didn’t keep you from blaming yourself. It didn’t help when you had the loved one of the people you lost screaming that at you.

Tears streamed down your face and silent sobs wracked your body. You didn’t even notice when the bed had moved under Hawk's weight. Not until he was leaning over you.

“Hey, hey.” He cooed at you, his hand gently and slowly reaching toward you to wipe away your tears. “Can I hold you?”

You barely had to nod before you were in his arms, he pulled you onto him as he laid down. He tucked you chin into his neck as he ran his hand down your back, keeping you close.

“You can tell me about it if you want to or I can just hold you until you feel better.” He whispered. “Just tell me what you need, anything.”

“His family died in the accident the other week.” You said. “I didn’t save everyone, I should have been able to. What kind of rescue hero loses peo-”

“Even if you did everything right, you’re going to lose people.” Hawks interrupted. “It’s not fair, not to them, not to their family, not to you, not to anyone. That man was grieving and he took it out on the wrong person. You’re an amazing hero and I won’t ever let you forget that, not even if I have to say it a million times.”

“Thank you, Hawks.” You said, your sobs quieting.

“Keigo. Call me Keigo.” He said. You leaned up looking at him, his golden eyes rested so softly on you. “They took my name away when they gave me the name Hawks. They told me to forget it. But I want you to know, to use it. You have a piece of me that I never thought anyone would have, hell I didn’t even know it existed until you came along. You shouldn’t have to call me what everyone else does.”

Blinking up at him you processed everything he just said to you. You wondered if it was even possible to process everything he just said to you. The weirdest part was you felt the same. Hawks- no, Keigo had a piece of you that no one else had. He made you feel things you had never felt before.

“Thank you, Keigo.” You said, pressing your face back into the crook of his neck. Holding him close you felt safe. Like nothing could ever hurt you. The way his strong arms wrapped around you, one hand’s movements soothing you. The way his wings wrapped around the both of you, shielding you from anything bad that could ever happen to you.

After that Keigo insisted you move in. It made sense considering your future plans. If you could call them plans. You could tell Keigo would be at ease knowing you were safe, he even offered to turn the extra room into your own bedroom. You wouldn’t even pretend to be against the idea. The thought of sharing a homemade you feel safe. And as much as you hated to admit it you didn’t mind sharing a room with him, not after you had the best sleep you could recall in years in his arms.

Living with Keigo was nice, at least when he was home. Work kept him busier than you which left you alone time which you appreciated. You started cooking for him, the look on his face when he got home and smelled dinner was priceless. You had never seen someone enjoy your food more. The way he would compliment it on and on made you laugh.

You were happier than you had ever been and your life had never felt more normal. But it wasn’t and as much as you enjoyed things with Keigo you couldn’t forget the shadow looming over you. Even if you cared for him, even if you were okay with marrying him it didn’t take away the fact that the commission wanted you to have children so they could take them away.

You weren’t even sure if you wanted kids but you knew if you did have them you didn’t want them being taken away from you and condemned to the same fate as you.

Keigo was keeping something from you and you didn’t want to push him but you did want to know.

It was dark in your bedroom, Keigo’s room. The sound of quiet cries had woken you up. Looking over you saw Keigo twitching in his sleep. You leaned over him, softly touching his shoulder trying to rouse him from his nightmare.

He sat up with a gasp, scaring you as you pulled back. His wings spread out and puffed up as he looked around his gaze settling on you.

“You’re okay.” He breathed out pulling you into his arms. He shoved his head into the crook of your shoulder, breathing in your scent. “Oh my god, you’re okay.”

“Keigo, I’m right here. It was just a bad dream.” You told him, running your hands through his hair trying to calm him down. “What happened?”

“They took you, they hurt you.” His words came out rushed. “You were- I think you were dead.” His hands gripped into the back of your shirt.

“I’m right here, I’m alive.” You told him, holding him tighter. “Who took me? That guy?”

Maybe he was having a nightmare about the man who had tied you up in your apartment.

“I need to tell you something.” He said quietly leaning back so he could look you in the eyes. “I don’t want you to look at me differently but I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Kei, I won’t look at you differently. I couldn’t.” You said holding his cheek in your palm.

“I’m a double agent, the hero commission wanted me to spy on the league of villains.” He said. “I’ve done horrible things, I- I’ve killed people.”

Keigo looked heartbroken, his eyes tearing up. He looked at you as if you were going to leave. It made sense, the small things you had noticed but were never enough for you to bring up. It all fit into what he told you. It didn’t shock you that the commission would force him into that.

“It’s not your fault, you didn’t have a choice.” You told him. He looked at you in disbelief.

“It doesn’t change what I did.” He said.

“I’m not going to leave, I don’t hate you.” You told him.

Tugging him closer you held him close, wishing that you could make him feel better. You would give anything to take his pain away. Once he calmed down more the both of you started talking about your childhood being raised by the commission. There were a lot of similarities but Keigo had been put through more, turned into a weapon.

Sitting so close to him you were practically on his lap. Your faces were so close, you couldn’t stop looking at his lips. Your gaze would flicker down before returning to his golden eyes. You could feel the pull between the two of you, all those feelings that ran between you swelling up.

“Please just kiss me already.” He whispered and you gave a soft nod. Keigo grabbed the sides of your face pulling you in for a passionate kiss. It was amazing, as you grew closer and closer to him you had imagined kissing him before but this was far better than those daydreams.

Pulling back both of you were breathless, staring at each other with dumb smiles on your faces.

“Kiss me again.” You said before he pulled you back again, his hands moving to your waist.

“I know we didn’t choose each other but there isn’t anyone else who could compare to you, if I could pick anyone in the world to be here with me I would pick you every time. I feel things I’ve never felt before with you. I- I love you.” He said, his thumb brushing your cheek.

“I love you too Keigo, you’re perfect for me.” You said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Keigo went in for another kiss before pulling you to lay down with him on the bed.

“We should run away.” You said as you laid there wrapped in his arms. “Run away where the commission can’t reach us and never look back.”

“Do you think we could manage it? What if they found us?” He said. “We couldn’t be heroes anymore.”

“Haven’t we done enough? How much are we helping by supporting the commission?”

There was a silence as Keigo thought about it.

“I don’t know.” He said, rubbing your back. “Let’s think about it more.”

Weeks passed and it was nice feeling like a real couple with Keigo after you had admitted your feelings for each other. But it didn’t change the fact that the commission still weighed on you. What they had done to you, what they had done to Keigo angered you more than ever. Then they put him in more danger working with the league.

It wasn’t until one day Keigo came home. You knew when he walked in it had been a bad day. He was off. Sitting down next to you he was silent. You looked over at him and he had a blank look on his face.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what you said.” He said quietly. “These wings and for what? I don’t have freedom. You’re right we should run away.”

“Really?” You questioned.

“Yes. I want to be with you by my own choice, I want to marry you because I love you not because we’re being forced. I want to start a family with you and raise our children with the love and childhood we didn’t get to have. I don’t want to be a pawn for them, a weapon. I want to be free.”

“Keigo Takami, will you run away and marry me?” You said taking his hands in yours.

“Nothing would make me happier.” He smiled so brightly it nearly stopped your heart. Happy tears welled in your eyes as you nearly tackled him with a hug.

The two of you traveled anywhere and everywhere you had always wanted to see, you ate all the food you wanted to try and saw everything the world had to offer. Walking along the old streets of Paris hand in hand with Keigo it felt like a dream. How had you come this far? You never thought you could be so free and happy.

Once you grew tired of traveling the two of you bought a house in your favorite place, you knew it was your favorite because you had been so many places at this point. It was secluded and far away from the commission.

Laying on a blanket in the grass of your backyard next to Keigo, you enjoyed the breeze and the sunlight that was just barely warm through the chilly air. Your head rested on his arm as the both of you watched fluffy white clouds float by.

Looking over you caught him staring at you. You smiled at him rolling closer to him leaning down. You brushed your lips against his, smiling against them.

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” You said, hand brushing through his hair.

“Nor would I.” He said before he flipped your positions and smothered you in kisses as you giggled under his attack.

Keigo was familiar with few freedoms in his life. Ever since he met you that all started to change. You should have been just another demonstration of how he lacked any choice but you ended up being the reason he was set free. And you were the reason he was happier than he had ever been in his whole life.

taglist(message to be added or removed): @sugarmaplewings-fics @lilkiwisfinest @ewwis-but-more-otaku @kandy1410 @moonlightaangel @winnies-headcannons @bkglovesyou @paintedr0ses1 @toobsessedsstuff @spellboundxizi @ourladyofseijoh  @x0doodlebug0x @katsushimaa @mooncademia @moon-write @todominica @why-so-red @seijoh

[americasmarauders]

in your eyes - Bucky Barnes

author’s note: so remember when I said I wouldn’t write Bucky anymore, only that one time? yeah, so I said, you know, like a liar. I saw the first episode of falcon and the winter soldier and that was all it took for me to fall into the ‘bucky barnes simp’ hole all over again. I made an entire one shot based on a single piece of a dialogue from the first episode. the story starts right before the first episode and ends right after the last. I spend an entire month and a half working on this please give it some love.(pls reblog i beg of you) Huge thanks to @batarella and @glorified-red for beta-ing this. ily <3 hwo knows, if people love it enough I might give a part 2. 

summary: her quiet job in the library got louder when Bucky walked into her life. (Bucky Barnes x telepath!librarian!reader)

WARNINGS: i do write a bit about addiction in this, if it makes you uncomfortable, please do not interact. it’s not heavy, or graphic, but the reader does experience abstinence. be warned.  no spoilers for tfatws, but i do reccomend you watching it. 

words: 11,416

mastelist

#

#

It was all so loud usually. When she first discovered her ability, it was like there were suddenly a thousand voices yelling inside her head all at once. She remembered falling to her knees, clutching her ears and crying out as the voices shouted different things at her. 

 Then the Professor came, promised her to help control her own mind. She didn’t want to trust the guy, even if he said he had the same power as her--even if he said everything would be alright. But the headaches were getting worse, the voices were getting louder and louder. She took him up on it and left her home to live in his boarding school. 

She met interesting people and--at the end of her stay--she achieved what she was there for. It took 4 years of her life, constant nightmares from reading too much of her colleagues' minds, and several isolated afternoons - more than she wanted to admit. Nevertheless, she could finally go to a concert or have a normal college class without crying from pain. 

She lived a normal life after her time at the Institute. She mostly ignored how her teenage years were far from the ordinary, or how sometimes she could hear a random thought from the person sitting next to her if the thought was loud enough. There were days when everything got too much, days where she lost control. She would stay in her house with noise cancelling headphones on (even if it didn’t work like that, it somehow helped) just going on throughout her day as quietly as possible. Tom knew she would get sick, even if working at the library rarely made her go into her lockdown modes. 

The library calmed her in a way. The thoughts were rarely disordered and loud, more focused and quiet. It fascinated her that even in their thoughts, people respected the quiet environment the library required. But sometimes, someone would appear with a troubled mind, something  books couldn’t even soothe. 

There was a regular now, he was one of those people whose thoughts were always all over the place; she couldn’t pick them apart, words would fly through her head -  words she often associated with the book he was reading. She wouldn’t know, it was Nancy that talked to him most times.

He always sat at the same old, worn out armchair, talking with the older people in the library as if they were the only people he was comfortable with. Sometimes, she would be restocking the books and see him looking at old newspapers. She never got the courage to talk to him. She figured her curiosity wasn’t enough to muster up the bravery needed to utter a word to him. 

Tom was on leave that day. He was stalling his doctor’s appointment, telling her his back pain wasn’t that serious, but she knew better. Every so often she would hear a whisper of pain in her head and she knew her boss wasn’t alright. It had taken her months, but she finally convinced Tom to go and get his back looked at. 

So she was working the counter that day: checking books off, admitting them, and then separating them so she could reshelve the books the next day. It was pretty boring work, repetitive, and she wondered how Tom kept busy all day when she finished all of her chores in a couple of hours. 

“Excuse me,” she heard, standing up as a reflex. Her eyes trailed up to the person standing in front of the main desk. It was the Loud Man (that was what she had taken to calling him). “I want to check this off.”

“Yeah,” she said, breathless. She was hearing too much from him, too many random words. It made her feel dizzy. “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

She took the book from his hands, her fingers brushing slightly at his leather gloves, her thoughts suddenly got even more flooded at the slight touch. She could feel a rising nervousness in him, so much it blended with her own nerves. She quickly retrieved her hand, hoping she hadn’t seemed impolite. 

She sat back at her chair, looking at the book. “The Hobbit, huh?”

“I’m re-reading it,” he said, his eyes sincere, “I read it when it first came out.”

She looked at him funnily. “You read it in 1937?”

His expression froze, the slight smile morphing into a frown, his loud thoughts got louder with a single word: ‘lie’. “That’s a funny joke.”

She smiled at him, not taking his comment too seriously. “I’m a funny gal.”

He laughed, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. It was like he was only checking off  a box of social convention. It quickly faded to an impatient expression, and she could tell he wanted to get out of the situation as quickly as possible. 

“I haven’t seen you here before,” he mentioned.  

“Oh,” she muttered, “I’m usually reshelving things, Tom operates the front desk but he went to the doctor. I’m the only other person who works here, so,” she trailed off, “I’m Y/N.”

“Bucky,” he responded, his face slightly tensed. His eyes hovered over everything in the library, as if he was trying to find something wrong in it. 

“Nice to meet you, Bucky," she handed the book back to him. "It's due next week. Don't be late with it.”

“I'll return it tomorrow,” the words slipped from his mouth. 

“Fast reader?” she asked. 

“Got nothing else to do,” he shrugged, the word ‘lie’ once again swimming in her head in the mess of thoughts she received from him. 

He gave her one last smile and disappeared into the library. His thoughts got distant, but they lingered in her head. Flashes of pain, bright white lights, and screams littered her mind. She shook her head trying to get rid of them. It rarely worked, not with thoughts so persistent. 

Her head started to pound as the thoughts got more intense somehow. That never happened before, usually she could only hear people that stood near her and she was sure Bucky walked all the way to the back - he wasn’t close to her in any way. 

Her hand shook as she fished out her headphones. She put them on and connected them with her phone. Playing her music was a hopeful distraction, detering her brain enough to quiet down everything. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out slowly, just like the Professor had taught her. He used to say a quiet and strong mind was the key to ward off stray thoughts. 

It helped clear the thoughts, the mess of words only leaving whispers of broken thoughts in the way. She grabbed those and put them away, shoving them inside a mental box of lost thoughts. She did that with all the others, it helped keep her mind organized. 

She didn't know how much time had passed when she opened her eyes. She always took too much time clearing her mind, she would forget the outside world. Peter used to poke fun at her for that, drawing penises on her face. When she came to her senses she would always run after him, ready to tackle him to the ground. It was always useless: you can't outrun Peter. 

She noticed Bucky leaning on the frame of the front door. It was getting darker outside, an orange hue illuminating his eyes perfectly. Her breath hitched for a second before recomposing herself. 

“Good nap?” he asked, the smallest smirk on his lips.

“I wasn’t napping,” she smiled, shaking her head. She checked the clock and saw it was way past closing time. It didn’t go unnoticed by her that he had gone out of his way to stay with her when he should have gone home. “Why’d you stay?”

“Everyone left,” he said, “and I thought it wasn’t safe to leave you in a trance alone in an empty library.”

“I wasn’t in a trance,” she took her headphones off, resting them around her neck, “I was… clearing my head.”

He looked at her funnily, “Busy day?”

“It’s been weirder than usual,” she responded, smiling. She sat back down and logged off the system.

“How weird is working in a library?”

She scoffed, lighty. “You have no idea,” she smiled mischievously.

She picked up her things, keys in her hand. She left the front desk, going to Bucky’s side. “Thanks for staying,” she said, “You really didn’t have to.”

“It’s no problem,” his hand brushed the back of his neck with a timid smile, very unlike his general physique and stance, “I had nowhere else to go.”

She could feel his thoughts bubbling underneath her skin, wanting to come out and flood her brain with confusing images and words. Whispers of faint words echoed through her mind, soft enough that she couldn’t distinguish what they were. 

“I find that hard to believe,” she said, words slipping out of her mouth faster than she could stop it. Old habits she supposed. She could always keep thoughts of other people to herself, it didn’t seem fair to them she could hear their thoughts, the least she could do was keep them to herself. But when it came to her own, they just came out of her mouth before her conscience could stop her. “I mean,” she started, “a guy like yourself -  good looking and all - must get a lot of people just, um, throwing themselves at you.”

He breathed out, an awkward expression on his face. She could hear one word clearly: ‘lie’. “I don’t date a lot,” he stated, “Not really my thing.”

She changed her approach to the conversation, sensing the uncomfortable energy he oozed. “Oh,” she muttered, “It’s okay, I mean, I don’t date a lot either. I barely leave my flat actually,” she brushed a single piece of hair out of her face, “I hate crowded spaces, and I have just the weirdest habits. You know, not a lot of people are into women who work at a library and barely make minimum wage,” she mumbled, her hands in her pockets restraining her hands for gesturing too much just like she always did,  “I have a lot of issues too, at least that’s what the Professor used to say to my therapist before each session, which is fair and--oh God, I’m sorry, I just rambled.”

He chuckled (an actual chuckle), a full light-hearted laugh, one that rumbled throughout his chest. “It’s fine,” he said, “I like listening to you talk.”

She heard the words ‘like’ and ‘quiet’ shoot through her mind. She smiled at him shyly, looking down at the ground. “I don’t know how to respond to that,” she laughed awkwardly, “Thank you again, for waiting and being, I don’t know, just nice, I guess.”

He smiled, a slightly bigger smile then he had given her the entire time they’d interacted. “Yeah, yeah,” he shook his head, “No problem.”

Both of them walked out the door. She turned and locked it, then pushed a button that activated the security systems of the building. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then,” she said whilst shrugging. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he went down a few steps of the main staircase. “I’ll see, uh, see you tomorrow.”

She saw him go down the steps, listening to the faint echoes of his thoughts in her head. She felt the tips of her mouth curl up, watching him go as the sun set on the horizon. She hadn’t felt that before, that sense of mystery, of wonder and curiosity. His mind was in shambles, broken pieces of it laying in every corner of his brain, and she heard all of it. It compelled her, even if it felt completely wrong to be so enthralled by someone’s mind. 

She felt inadequate for liking his mind when he didn’t even know she could listen to it. It wasn’t the first time she felt that way. She remembered a boy from the shop near the Institute, she loved hearing his thoughts. She rarely left the Institute, but when she did she would always sneak to the store to buy a popsicle as an excuse to admire him. Sometimes he would smile at her and her brain would malfunction for just a second, his thoughts flooding her and overwhelming her every time that happened. 

She anticipated it was only a matter of time before that happened with Bucky again. She didn’t exactly know if that was a good thing, if she should indulge in the latent curiosity and table herself further with his mind - with him. 

The sun set in the horizon, the orange glow fading to the blue of the night sky. Walking down the streets, she could still hear remnants of his thoughts inside her head, his imprint already set on her. She wondered how long it would take for it to fade, if it would fade and if she wanted it to.  #

#

He gave her one last look before walking away from her. She could feel him uncomfortable, it lingered in her head longer than it should. He lingered in her more than he should. Her eyes followed him on his way out of the library. His mind was confused and tired, it left a trail of breadcrumbs calling for her to solve the mystery that was.

Tom’s doctor ordered maximum rest. Apparently, the problem in his back was more serious than both of them anticipated. The doctor ordered as much rest as Tom could have, meaning more breaks and leaving early. That also meant she had to do double the work - she wouldn’t mind at all had she not left a pile of returned books to shelve. 

She put her headphones and drove the cart full of books through the library all afternoon. Usually not a lot of people came in on a Monday afternoon to check out books, most were local teens that were there to study or make out. She always pretended not to know which ones were there to actually study or not; the thoughts always flew out to her when they were there to snog, most times it was hard to contain the shit-eating grin that would want to rise. 

She felt someone touching her shoulder. She jumped slightly, startled at the touch. Turning around, she saw Bucky, his thoughts overwhelming her. She rested the headphones around her neck, pulling out her phone to pause the music. “Hey, Bucky,” she breathed out, trying to contain the images and words in her head, “What are you, um, how you doing?”

“I’m good,” he smiled at her, looking down at the ground, “Um, Tom’s not at the front desk and I gotta return the book.”

“Oh yeah,” she took the book from his hand. It was still warm from his touch, “I thought you wouldn’t come today, to be honest.”

“I said I was,” he looked at her intensely, eyes narrowing in suspicion. 

“Well,” she smiled awkwardly and averted her eyes to the ground, “People sometimes say things they don’t mean.”

She didn’t realise what she said until it was out of her mouth. She remembered how he was uncomfortable around her, and how he would think about lies just as he told her something. Embarrassment flooded her senses, she felt heat rising to her cheeks. 

He looked at her weirdly, as if he was analyzing her. The more he looked, the more she listened to his mind. Words of suspicion floated around, she swallowed dryly and nervously at the thoughts. Echoes of screams and a crushing sense of guilt came through, she wondered what had happened for him to think of that. She wondered if she was the one person that caused him to think like that. 

“I’ll return it for you,” she said, motioning for the book, trying to get the attention off of her. 

“Yeah, thanks,” he said, “D’you mind if I get another?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” she said, “I’ll wait for you - at the front desk, I mean,” backing away from him, she accidentally bumped into a bookshelf,  “Not, um, not any other way.”

He stared at her and nodded slightly. She turned around and walked to the front desk, cringing at her inability to mutter coherent words to him without stumbling in the middle of a phrase. Something about him made her lose all of her composure, she didn’t know if it was the constant flood of thoughts and memories she listened to from his mind or just him making her nervous. 

She sat down at the chair behind the front desk, and rubbed her face, as if it would rub the embarrassment out of her. Sighing, she returned the book for Bucky. Just as the day before, his thoughts lingered in her head, images that meant very little to her were calling out.

“Why’s Tom not here?” he asked. She looked up at him, his blue eyes piercing through her. It was the first time she noticed his eyes, and somehow, it made everything worse. Instead of whispers, she heard everything clearly. Fools said the eyes were the windows to the soul. She knew better: someone’s eyes told her what they were thinking, what they were feeling. And she could tell Bucky felt a lot. 

“Um,” she looked back down to the book she just admitted back, moving it to the pile of books to reshelve. “He’s on leave, doctor’s orders.”

“Back pain was somethin’ serious then?” he responded, handing the new book to her. 

“Yeah, I told him to get that checked out, turns out I was right,” she shrugged, getting the book, her eyes still fixated on the computer. She felt the leather of his gloves graze the tips of her fingers, and a searing pain shot through her head. She brought the book down to the table, closing her eyes hoping the pain would stop. “Brave New World? Revisiting the classics, huh?” she struggled to keep a whimper from emerging from her mouth. 

“Yeah,” he breathed out. She heard a whisper of concern run though his head, “Um, are you alright? You don’t look very well.”

She shook her head, faking a smile, pretending she wasn’t getting a thousand thoughts from everyone in the library- especially Bucky’s thoughts - blasted at maximum volume on the speakers of her mind. “Just a bit of a headache.”

“It looks serious,” she could hear the leather from his gloves squeaking as he rested his hands on top of the counter. 

“I’ll be fine,” she gritted through her teeth. It had been years since she was last in a position like that, her head throbbing with thoughts that weren’t hers. “I have these all the time.”

She heard his thoughts of concern louder than the others. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

She dismissed his question, not wanting to dwell on his concern longer. “Here,” she handed the book back to him, her other hand closed in a fist, “it’s due next week. Don’t be late with it.”

“I won’t,” he said, his tone slightly strained. “I’ll return it tomorrow.”

“Okay,” she shook her head, her eyes closed and teeth gritted, choosing not to question how he would return that book tomorrow. She fisted both of her hands, her fingernails sinking in the skin of her hands. “Yeah, it’s fine,” she whispered to herself.

She heard his footsteps moving away from her, she sighed in relief, hoping it would mean her mind was going to calm itself and the headache would fade. Instead, the footsteps grew closer to her once again and then the leather of his gloves was grazing the skin of her arm, helping her stand up and guiding her somewhere.

“Imma take you to the hospital, doll” Bucky stated, not leaving room for discussion. 

“No,” she tried to shake off his hold, “My shift’s not over, I can’t leave.”

“You look terrible, and you’re clearly in a lot of pain,” he grabbed her arm again, “You need to go to a doctor.”

“Doctors won’t solve this,” she once again freed herself of his hold taking a step back from him. More of his thoughts flooded her mind, a mess of memories and guilt overwhelming her. “They never solve anything,” she breathed out, her voice breaking, “I just need to rest.”

“Doll,” he dragged, his tone temptive and careful. 

“No doctors,” it was the first time she had looked in his eyes willingly. There was a sort of weird determination in her eyes, one that came with years of terrible experiences with doctors. Hundreds of appointments that left her more desperate than before, endless tests and thoughts heard that she didn’t have any fix, as if she was broken in the first place.

His jaw tightened and his intense eyes fell upon hers. Her throat dried up under his gaze, her head unbearably heavy with his thoughts and hers. “Fine,” he growled, his hands moving to the pockets of his jacket, “Fine.”

“I need to go back to work,” she backed away from him, slowly. “I--I’m sorry,” she whispered, not sure why she was apologizing to him. 

“It’s okay,” his jaw was still tight, his eyes were still intense lingering at her. She couldn’t even appreciate his gaze at her, and how if she was a normal person,--if she didn’t have that goddamn gene--she would have let her heart skip a beat and feel coy under his gaze. “It’s your choice.”

There was a stubbornness to his stance, something that told her he wouldn’t be backing down so easily. She couldn’t go to any doctor, she couldn’t risk anyone finding out. She didn’t want to go through the tests and the never-ending questions, whether it was out loud or not. There was only one person who could possibly help her, and she refused to go to him. 

She backed away from him quickly, turning around and heading to the front desk once again. Her headphones found their way to her ears, and she started to blast her music at full volume, hoping, or rather praying, it would help ease her headache. She put her phone in her back pocket, grabbed the book she had just returned. 

The cart wove between the shelves with ease under her direction. She could still feel Bucky’s presence within the library, it was like carrying an iron ball tied to her feet at all times. Unlike the day before, he was more troubled, he felt more things and more intensely. It was too much. She wondered what happened for him to be so restless. 

The music hardly helped, it somehow made it worse. She couldn’t shake the tangled thoughts and think for herself, and the music disturbed even more. She dropped her headphones, frustrated. Her head pounded, desperation rose in her. She refused to call Professor, he would not help, he would only rub in her face that she shouldn’t have left. ‘This wouldn’t have happened if you stayed at the Institute, Y/N,’ she could imagine him saying if she closed her eyes. 

“Are you better?” turning around, she saw Bucky, his hands inside the pockets of his jacket. His eyes were focused down, his shoulder slightly hunched. It looked like he was ashamed of asking her if she was alright, almost as if it was his fault that she was in pain. It was, but she didn’t hold it against him. She was certain it wasn’t his fault. 

“Not really,” looking at him, she analyzed his expression. His jaw was tense, she could see his hands were fisted inside his pockets, “I just need to sleep.”

He nodded slightly. “You sure you don’t want anythin’?”

Her head tilted slightly and her mouth quirked up a little. She could tell he wanted to charm her, she heard the word bounce around her head faintly--the guilt was louder, though she could barely hear anything else--and she would lie if she said she didn’t like his attention. “I am” her hands entangled together, her knuckles tight, “but thanks for the offer.”

“Yeah, yeah” he breathed out, his hand brushing the side of his leg in a nervous habit. “I need to go,” he pointed back at the door, his face stony. 

He gave her one last look before walking away from her. She could feel him uncomfortable, it lingered in her head longer than it should. He lingered in her more than he should. Her eyes followed him on his way out of the library. His mind was confused and tired, it left a trail of breadcrumbs calling for her to solve the mystery that was. 

#

#

She sat cross legged on her bed, her eyes closed. There were candles around the room, the lighting dim and warm. The smell of  incense was strong, it swallowed the entire room. It was necessary, she needed that to ground herself to the real world, and not lose herself in her mind. 

 Since calling Professor was not an option, she tried to take matters into her own hands. She was going to untangle the knot of thoughts Bucky had left in her head by herself. It could potentially be dangerous, if she wandered too far who knows what could happen. She had taken the necessary precautions, but she had  only done that before under the careful and judgemental eye of the Professor. It was the first time  she was doing it alone, it scared her to think what could go wrong. 

She breathed in calmly and concentrated on the knot in front of her. Her head was a whole other world, it could be molded to her will, she felt safe in it. Now, it was a black empty space, the only thing filling it was herself and the pulsating mess of thoughts Bucky had gifted her. 

Kneeling in front of it, she carefully picked apart superficial thoughts, setting them aside. They didn’t matter to what she was there to do, they were only random words and snippets of his day-to-day life that she was sure were not the ones causing him so much pain. 

It didn’t take long for her to reach what pained him. It was surprising to see the amount of thoughts in front of her, usually it was much less. People tended to blow things out of proportion often, little things could cause a world of hurt to themselves. Bucky seemed to take a lot of pain, underestimating his grief. A typical mentality of someone who lacked the confidence, who didn’t trust themselves enough. 

She picked a single memory and entered it. 

The lighting was dim, a yellow glow swallowed her. The room was dirty and disgusting, the tiles that were once white tinted an yellowish gray. It looked like a room used for medical procedures, judging by the sheer amount of medical-like instruments littered around the desks. There were no calendars in sight, she had no way of knowing when the memory had happened. 

There were at least 5 or 6 people in the room, all surrounding a metallic chair. She approached the scene, carefully. Standing beside the chair, she saw Bucky.

He couldn’t be much older than he was when she met him. His hair was slightly longer than it was currently, just brushing his forehead. He was shirtless, his skin glistening in the faint lighting of the room. His hand was tied to the chair. His temples bruised from something she hadn’t figured out yet. His chest moved violently, struggling to breathe properly. And his left shoulder? There was a red swollen scar there. She doubted the wound was fresh, more like reopened. Maybe they tried putting a prosthetic there and it failed. It was likely they hadn’t administered any painkillers in the procedure, and she felt anger boiling inside her at the thought. 

“James Barnes, 3255...” he trailed off, muttering under his breath. His eyes were halfway closed, it looked like he barely could keep them opened.

“Попробуй снова,” try again, one of the doctors said. 

Her eyes lingered on the doctor that had just spoken. He looked evil, and she felt in her bones he was. His smile was wicked as his eyes lingered on Bucky struggling to catch his breath tied to that chair. All of the doctors looked sadistic and malefic. She felt goosebumps flood her skin, disgusted by the situation. 

The machine started whirling. An appendix lowered into Bucky’s left eye, another lowering to his right temple. Someone put a protection on his mouth, and she could see Bucky trying to free himself from his ties. Something told her, even in an altered state of mind he was already conditioned to know that noise and that feeling were bad news. She swore she saw his eyes flicker to hers just before everything started. 

The screams - his screams - bounced on the walls and filled her soul in a terrifying way. Tears came to her eyes as she carefully studied what was happening to him. His hands formed fists, his knuckles totally pale on his flesh hand. His eyes were shut violently, his mouth open in a painful way. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she couldn’t. She wanted to hug him and take him out of that awful place, but she couldn't. It was all a memory, it already had happened and she couldn’t do anything about it. 

The doctors recited words in russian repetitively. Her eyes traveled to the doctor holding a red notebook. The wicked smile never faltered, completely ignoring the man in pain in front of him. She felt a urge she had fought so hard to suppress: she wanted to invade their brains, pick them apart and tear them down from the inside. She wanted to scream and shout at them and destroy everything in the room with a single thought. The fact that she was inside a memory and couldn’t physically change anything bothered her little. The anger and sadness she felt were real.

The machine stopped humming and Bucky stopped screaming. When he opened his eyes, she saw something that utterly terrified her. His eyes were empty, devoid of emotion, very much unlike mere seconds before. They were wide open, focused forward, looking beyond the doctor that was hovering over him. 

“Soldat?” one of the doctors asked, a wicked smile forming on his lips.

“Готовы соответствовать,” ready to comply.

The room became blurry and she was sucked out of the memory. She stood there in front of the knot of thoughts. A feeling of inadequacy overwhelmed her, and she willed herself out of her own mind. She shouldn’t have done that, not without his permission. He didn’t even know she could hear his thoughts, much less explore the memories he had left with her. 

She gasped for air as she came back to her senses. Bucky was much more complicated than she had anticipated, and the guilt he carried around with him wasn’t blown out of proportion and unwarranted. He felt as if things he had done, whatever those things were, had been his responsibility. But she knew more about the mind than him, she knew that that person she had watched be tortured was not him. Those eyes told her nothing, and his eyes told her everything and more. Those eyes were from someone who was a puppet, stripped of free will and agency. So maybe his guilt was warranted, but it didn’t mean it was his fault.

She rubbed her face and laid in her bed, looking up at the ceiling. Her heart raced inside her chest, the adrenaline of doing something so wrong settling on her. She would have to be honest with him.  She let a shuddery breath, as she realized she was at the point she avoided when meeting people. The fear of rejection was crushing and familiar and with time she realized it was easier to push people away, not forming connections deeper than trivial than to explain what she was. But Bucky was different, she felt it in her bones. And she wasn’t willing to let him go. #

#

Tuesdays were fuller than Mondays, but only slightly. Maybe one or two more students came in, trying to get ahead of the curve and not procrastinate their studies more than necessary. The amount of work she had was enough to keep her busy throughout the day, even without Tom’s help. 

She hummed the song in her headphones, weaving her way through the shelves, puting the few books that were returned that day back where they belonged. It was the part of her job that gave her the most pleasure. It gave her a sense of control and order, something that had lacked almost her entire life, especially while she was at the Institute. Professor had controlled everything back then. He controlled her and Peter and all the others to be something that most would not have chosen to be if given the choice. It made her feel helpless and tiny. But she had freed herself from that reality, much to Professor’s dislike. And now she could happily find her control in tiny things, like putting books back on their shelves. 

“How come I always come when no one’s at the front desk?”, her headphones fell to her neck as she turned around to look at Bucky. He wore a shy smile on his face, clutching two books tightly in his gloved hands. His thoughts were quieter that day, but still present and loud. She doubted it was enough to give her a headache, but it was enough to leave a mark on her mind.

“Well, I’d say it’s just your luck,” the corners of her mouth quirked up. “Wanna check those out?” she pointed at the books in his hands.

“Yeah,” he breathed out. She started walking towards the front desk, Bucky at her tail. “So, are you better?”

“Yep,” she nodded, getting behind the desk and taking the books out of his hands, “Told you I just needed to rest.”

“Doll,” his head tilted, his eyes carefully analyzing her. She heard worry bounce around his head, “you looked like you were about to drop dead.”

She shook her head, a smile creeping its way to her face. “It’s more common than you think, it’s fine, Bucky, really,” dismissing his worry, like it was the best way to earn his trust. “For whom the Bells tolls? Really diving into the classics, huh?”

“Need some comfort,” he shrugged. “It’s been 80 years since I read these, it felt like the time to re-read.”

“80 years,” she dragged, “You look a lot younger.”

His face became briefly stony, his brain going haywire for a second before he relaxed and gave her an awkward laugh. “You’re a lot funnier when you’re not in pain.”

“Aren’t we all?” she slid the book over to him. “It’s due next week, don’t b--”

“Be late with it, I know,” he completed, “I’ll return it tomorrow. Like always”

She heard words of charm and flattery from his mind. It was a timid voice saying it, if she had been distracted she wouldn’t have heard it. Her eyes trailed downwards, her smile tiny and shy. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say that you’re lying.”

“How’d you know better?” his eyes narrowed at her and his head tilted to the side. She found it absolutely charming that he did that when he was confused. 

“I read minds,” she said, seriously, her face impartial, very much unlike mere seconds before. 

“That’s funny,” he laughed, pointing at her. 

She opened an awkward smile at him, looking carefully at his expression. His mind told her he thought she was pranking him, being funny to charm him. She wasn’t. “I know you think I’m trying to charm you,” her eyes looking at her feet, her fingers entwined in a nervous habit, “but I’m not,” she finished, whispering. 

She could hear confusion clearly in his thoughts. It wasn’t exactly at how she could read his mind, more to why she was telling him the fact. “I can hear your thoughts very clearly, they’re very loud,” she whispered. After all these years of experience with this power, it never got easier telling people about it. “And I didn’t think it was fair to listen to your thoughts - you think a lot you know? - all so loudly and clearly,” She couldn’t look at him, her eyes were still cast downwards in shame, “If you want to, I can explain how it is, we can go for a walk or whatever.”

She could feel his intense gaze on her skin, she didn’t dare to look up. Disappointment was one of the things she hated the most, one she had dealt with a lot. Seeing it in his face would surely break her heart, even if only a little bit. “Fine,” she heard him say it, airly, “But you’re paying.”

She looked up and his expression was impassive. But his eyes were twinkling with a sort of curiosity and wonder that could only mean good things. A weird sort of relief washed over her. She let out a sigh, her features relaxing. “Great,” she brushed a piece of her hair out of her face, “great,” she breathed out, “I just need to close this place.”

“I’ll wait.”

#

#

“Tell me what that boy’s thinking,” he said, pointing to a little boy by the pond feeding the ducks happily. 

Her eyes trailed to the kid, trying to focus on him. It was an exercise she hadn’t done in a while, since she had left the Institute really. “He’s happy he’s with his dad,” she reported, “he doesn’t see his dad often and he misses him.”

“What about the dad?” his hands were in his pockets, his gaze locked on the dad sat on the bench just behind the kid. 

“He’s guilty he doesn’t spend enough time with his son,” she added, her eyes following the posture of the man. His eyes were fixed on his son, watching his every move. It was clear he felt some sort of guilt towards his son, and it was easy to assume that by his stance alone--if you were observant enough. Bucky was, “He works two jobs to pay the child support. He can’t find time between them often.”

 “How do I know that you didn’t just meet those people and they told you their life story?” Bucky questioned, his gaze intense and locked on her. They stopped beneath a tree, orange sun rays peeking from between the leaves. 

“It’s the first time I've ever seen them,” she plopped down beneath the tree, crossing her legs childishly, “I barely leave my apartment.”

He stared at her, his gaze strong and judgmental. Huffing, he calmly got down and sat beside her, his legs spread out in front of him. He crossed his hands on his lap, and her gaze locked at his left hand. She wondered if the arm was still the same as the one she had seen in his memory. That arm sent chills down her spine, it was intimidating and terrifying, the red star staring at her menacingly. “Why, though?”

“I can’t, really,” she shrugged. She looked up, her head tilting to the side, considering her words. “I have these lockdowns when I’m surrounded by too many people. It hasn’t happened in years but,” her eyes closed, the memories of the last lockdown she had flooding back at her. She saw her younger self falling to her knees in the middle of the Institute’s lobby, screaming and clutching her ears, “but it happens, and I’d rather not go through that. I’m not in speaking terms with the person that can help me and I’ll do anything to not talk to him again.”

His lips formed a thin line. A hum trembled his chest, his head resting on the tree behind them. “How much have you seen from…” his jaw clenched, his voice quiet and hesitant. 

“Not much,” she dragged. “I stopped after I realized that I, um, that I was…”she found she couldn’t complete the sentence under his strong gaze. “It wasn’t fair to you for me to see anything, not without you knowing.”

“What did you see?” he gritted through his teeth, his eyes watery and sad. 

“I saw,” she gulped, her voice straining with emotion as she looked deep into his eyes, “I saw you, um, tied to a chair. You were so out of it,” she shook her head, tears flooding her eyes, “you were mumbling your name and some numbers. And then,” she sighed, picking up strength to continue, “and then they - they broke you.”

“What else?” he growled, his hands in fists. His eyes were no longer sad, there was a latent anger in them. It made her sad that she was the cause of his anger, or rather the target. 

“Nothing,” she shook her head, “nothing else. Nothing other than random words from your day to day.”

He considered her for a moment, his eyes hovering her face frantically. She tried her best not to listen to his mind, trying to focus on elsewhere, on someone else. But he was like a magnet, and she could help but to be attracted to him and his thoughts. Words of confusion, anger and infatuation floated in his brain and echoed in hers. “Can you turn it off? Your...thing?” he pointed to her head almost in disdain. She knew better than to believe his gestures.

“Not exactly,” she hugged her legs, her chin resting on her knees. “If I could, I would have, a long time ago.”

They remained in silence after that. He looked at the clouds, considering everything she had just told him. She looked everywhere but at him, trying to stray her mind from him. It felt impossible,  he became her gravity center, and she couldn’t really escape it. She found that she didn’t want to. 

“How did you get the…” he tried to find the right words, “the mind reading thing?”

She laughed at his silly phrasing. “I was born with it,” she looked down at her hands, her cheeks feeling hot. “Professor picked me up and took me to the Institute after I turned 13 because of it.”

“That sounds like a cute way of saying you were kidnapped by the guy,” he commented, his tone serious and his eyes on her. 

“I wasn’t,” she tilted her head towards him, as if she was telling him a secret. “I went willingly, actually. The nightmares were getting worse and the headaches,” her eyes locked with his for a brief second as she brushed a piece of her hair out of her face, “well, headaches like yesterday’s are light ones compared to those. And the Professor, he promised to help me control it.”

“That doesn't sound suspicious at all,” she could hear him roll his eyes in disdain. 

“He did help me,” she assured him, “but at the time, I didn't realize that it would come with a cost.”

“I’m guessing he wanted something out of you,” he inferred, “that you weren’t willing to give.”

“Something like that,” she responded, her voice vague and distant. Remembering the things Professor had planned for her made her scared and, most of all, angry. Angry he dared to think she would be so desperate to abide by his wishes. She had learned that following his plans brought her nothing more than frustration and loneliness, he robbed her and her friends of a stable childhood so they could become his pawns. “He wasn’t a good person.”

“I get that,” he whispered, his head down, looking at his hands. He opened and closed his left hand repetitively. The anger he had felt once she had told him what she had done came back, but directed towards someone else. 

“Listen, Bucky,” she turned her whole body towards him. Her hands itched to grab his, but she knew neither of them were prepared to cross that line, “I’m truly sorry that I… couldn’t control myself. I figured that if I could decipher your thoughts the headaches would stop, but I didn’t realize how much you kept hidden,” she confessed, her fingers fiddling with themselves in a nervous habit. “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, I want to give you a chance to tell me these things yourself, that’s why I told you.”

He looked at her for a moment before responding. “You told someone who you’d only known for a couple of days your biggest secret,” he recited, almost as if he had been rehearsing the line in his mind over and over, “because you felt bad.”

“Well, when you put it like that it sounds foolish,” she grumbled. “I know what’s like not to be given a choice, and I wanted you to have the choice to, you know, walk away from me,” she finished, her voice just above a whisper. She struggled to keep her tears at bay, a couple of them spilling and running down her cheeks. 

“Why would I walk away from you?” he asked her, sincerity in his eyes. 

“You wouldn’t be the first person,” her eyes were cast forward, looking way beyond the park. She didn’t bother cleaning the tears that were rolling down her face. “And you wouldn’t be the last, certainly.”

“Doll,” he dragged, his voice low and beautiful, “I wouldn’t.”

She could barely hear his thoughts over her own. She couldn’t think straight anymore, too many emotions flooded her own senses, it was all too much. Her hands rubbed her eyes, trying to rid them of the tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cry.”

“It’s okay,” he shook his head. “But, seriously, don’t tell your biggest secret to someone you barely know.”

She laughed at his suggestion, her smile watery. “I won’t, don’t worry,” her head tilted to the side, her eyes carefully studying his face. It was the first time she truly took him in. His face was so wonderfully beautiful. His nose and his lips were perfect. But it was his eyes that would always fascinate her. So wonderfully blue and so beautifully deep. It was impossible to not fall in love with him with those eyes. 

He got up and brushed his gloves on the sides of his pants. He offered her his right hand, “How’d you say we get that coffee now and you tell me the craziest things you’ve ever seen people think?”

She smiled sincerely at him, her eyes looking up at him in admiration. She took his hand and she let him guide her.

#

#

“Doll, you need to start staying at the front desk,” he leaned casually on the side of the bookcase, looking calmly at her as she turned around to face him. “What if someone important comes in and there’s no one there?

She felt amused at Bucky’s teasing and smiled. “Tom’s supposed to be there, he must have just left to do something,” she stated, smugly. “Besides, you’re the only important person that comes here. At least, to me you are,” she tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. 

He bit his lip and looked at her in a way that made her melt. “Aren’t you a charmer.”

She could hear clearly in his thoughts he was amused by her behavior, the word ‘charm’ levitating around her brain. “I learned from the best,” she shrugged brushing past him and walking towards the front desk. 

She heard his heavy footsteps behind her. “Are we still up for tonight?” his voice had an edge that wasn’t there before. She sat down on her chair behind the counter as her eyes carefully analyzed his face. His jaw was tense, his eyebrows were furrowed and his fingers were tight around the book he meant to return. 

“I’ve been up for it every day for the past month, Bucky,” she narrowed her eyes at him. His jaw clenched even more in a way she didn’t know possible. She tried to ignore his thoughts and the words that bounced around her brain. “What are you trying to say?” she asked softly, taking the book from him gently. 

He sighed, resting his elbows on the counter he leaned in. “Sam needs my help,” he said, his voice low and tired. She could tell he wasn’t telling her the full truth, but she didn’t push it. 

“Oh,” she muttered, typing away to return the book he brought. “So you’re cancelling?”

“Doll, I wouldn’t if it wasn’t important,” he stated. She could tell he was sad, his eyes told her so, and so did the words in his head.  It pained her to see him give up their time together. It was cherished by both, and she suspected it was maybe one of the only moments of the day Bucky didn’t have to hold everything in. Mostly because she could see everything he was hiding. 

“Don’t,” she stopped him before he could further apologize. “I understand, an Avenger’s calling you,” she whispered, a devilish smile on her lips, “how could you not answer it?”

“I can think of a lot of ways,” he gritted. He had told her his qualms with Sam Wilson, but it only seemed like friendly teasing and nothing else. Nothing too serious, that's what she judged it to be. 

“Bucky,” she warned him, “there are more important people than me, and Sam is definitely one of those. Don’t feel guilty, that’s what I’m trying to say.”

“Y/N,” he never used her first name. He would call her ‘doll’, or ‘love’ or even sometimes ‘sweetheart’, but never by her first name. Hearing it leave his lips sobered her up quickly, “there’s no one more important to me than you.” 

Her mouth hung open in complete shock at his declaration. Her brain short-circuited for a moment, before recomposing herself. She opened her mouth to respond him but he quickly beat her to it. 

“I’m truly sorry, love,” he shook his head, his eyes cast downwards. 

Her eyes hovered him quietly for a second before slipping the book to him. “I extended the due date. Two weeks and nothing more,” she said, sternly. “You know the drill, Bucky.”

“Don’t be late with it, I know,” he recited. His eyes lingered on hers for longer than it normally would. It felt as if he was memorizing her, studying the little details of her face, the little quirks of her personality. She felt heat rising to her cheeks, like every time she was under his intense gaze. He looked downwards for a moment, his mouth slightly opened. “I won’t be gone too long, just a couple of days.”

She got up from her chair and walked to his side. She bit her lip as he watched her go around the front desk. He leaned on his arm, casually standing there as she looked down at her feet in front of him. “You have my number, I’m just a phone call away,” she muttered shyly. She couldn’t handle this flirty interactions with Bucky. Mostly because she would have to juggle her own thoughts with his. But there was something about his demeanor at that moment that put her at ease, she didn’t feel the need to juggle both of their thoughts, only to embrace them. She let herself feel the butterflies and be fully flustered under his charm. It felt nice. “I’m gonna miss you,” she whispered. 

“Yeah, me too,” he looked at her eyes, deeply and soulfully. She didn’t know how she hadn’t melted at the spot. “I’ll be back, I promise.”

The corners of her mouth quirked up. “I know,” her lips brushed his cheek. She quickly kissed it and looked back at him. “You should probably go. Don’t wanna keep Sam waitin’.”

He smiled at her one last time before leaving her. His smile, there was something different about that. It felt sincere and genuine, unlike all his other smiles that were usually caused by awkwardness and embarrassment. She had seen something completely different in that smile, something she couldn’t exactly place yet. 

#

#

She arrived quietly at her apartment, carrying a bag full of groceries and flowers for her tiny garden out in the fire-escape. Her upstairs neighbor had complained about it for months, until he joined and now she shared it with him. She had plans to make the whole building to contribute to the little garden, she was almost convincing her downstairs neighbor and she was a pivotal person. 

The apartment was too quiet, unlike normally. There were always whispers of her neighbor’s thoughts echoing through the walls, the busy sounds of the streets, the shouts outside from people going by their day. 

“I know you’re here,” she shouted to her apartment, “you weren’t subtle about it.”

“I knew you wouldn’t talk to me, otherwise,” Professor rolled in. He hadn’t changed a single bit since the last time she had seen him. His clothes were the same, his bald head glistened the same way it did, and his chair was just as stoic as his face. She hated him and seeing him in her apartment only reminded her of that.

“That’s cause I don’t want to talk to you, Professor, I thought I had made myself clear,” she growled, resting the bag and the flowers on the kitchen counter. “Why are you here?”

“It has come to my knowledge you’ve been having your episodes,” he said, robotically. 

“I’m not having any episodes, I'm fine” she muttered, her back turned to Professor. She cursed Peter mentally for being a fucking snitch. Next time she saw him she was going to give him a piece of her mind. 

“You’re not,” he corrected her. As usual, she only heard him in a tone of superiority and condencense, he always knew best. “We know what happens when you let yourself go with other people’s thoughts, child.”

“Don’t call me that,” she gripped the counter, her teeth gritted and her eyes shut. Her hands felt clammy, almost slipping from the counter. She had escaped the Institute, she had sworn she would never go back, for fucking Peter to bring Professor to her again. She knew Peter did it because he was worried. It still didn’t make it sting less. “I said I’m fine, I have everything under control.”

“How long have you been taking the suppressing pills?” he asked her, his voice judgemental and cold. 

She turned around to face him for the first time. He was impossible to read, he always made sure of that. As much as she begged him to teach her how to do it, to help her block out thoughts and stop people from getting into her head, he never really did it. She had to discover for herself, and, in that, she never was as effective as him. “It’s none of your business,” she scoffed. “It’s not like I’m of any use to you anymore, Professor. I’m sure you have a brand new shiny pawn you can play with that’s even better than I was. Besides,” she added, crossing her arms on her chest, “you gave me those pills.”

“They’re for emergencies only, Y/N, not continuous use,” he shook his head at her, his piercing through hers, She looked down avoiding his gaze, her jaw tight. Her head started to feel heavy, and she didn’t know if it was his prying or something worse. “Do you remember the last time you used those same pills continuously?”

Her teeth gritted and she closed her eyes to stop him from seeing the tears accumulating in them. She looked at him, her eyes completely angry and full of hurt, “I'm a lot stronger that I was back then,” she gritted. 

“Bad things happen when you repress your power,” Professor warned, leaning on his knees. “You learned that the hard way.”

“I haven't taken them in days.” she stated, trying to keep her head focused and her voice free of emotion. Professor considered her for a moment. She could feel him prying in her head, searching for traces of a lie well told. She knew he wouldn’t find any, she told the truth, even if it was half of it. 

“I know you’re not telling everything,” he told her, his hands fiddling with the orange vial temptevely. “What are you hiding?”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes at him. When she was younger, she wouldn’t even consider behaving badly around him. Now, she knew better. “I don’t owe you any explanations, Professor. I don’t even understand why are you here,” she pointed accusingly at him. “You've done a pretty good job showing you don’t care all my life, I find it hard to believe you care now.”

His eyes found hers, as always completely unreadable. But she saw the little details, the way his jaw tightened slightly, the way his fingers opened and closed the cap of the bottle nervously. It was hard to tell if the tick was fabricated or not, she could never tell with him. “Very well,” he said. “I’ll be in touch,” he wheeled himself towards the door. 

“Please don’t,” she said clearly as he exited her apartment.

As the door closed she let a shuddery breath, laying on her couch in exhaustion. She let a couple of tears fall from her eyes, quickly drying them after. She had cried because of Professor too many times in her life, she would not cry for him one more time. 

Her phone vibrated on her back pocket. She sniffed and fished out, checking what was the cause of the notification. ‘Just arrived. Call me’ from Bucky. Her heart picked up, smiling at her phone happily. 

It rang a couple of times before he picked up. “You’re late,” she said, before he had the chance to say anything to her, “you said a couple of days.”

“I’m sorry, doll,” he breathed out, “it took longer than anticipated.”

“It’s okay,” she shook her head, a smile on her face. “The book, though, you’re gonna have to pay a fee for being late.”

He laughed at the other end of the line. “First time I ever return it late, can’t you make an exception for me?”

“I didn’t do anything, it was Tom,” she stated quickly. Her lips adorned a permanent smile, so much it barely seemed Professor had just left her apartment. They stayed quiet before anyone said anything.

“I missed you,” he whispered, her heart racing in her chest as he recited the words. 

“I missed you too,” she replied back, her voice soft and full of emotion. She tried to contain her tears, an accumulation of feelings from just before and that moment but she couldn’t. “I was so lonely, I’m so glad you’re back.”

“Me too, love,” he sighed on the other end of the line. She could imagine him looking down at his feet, a silly smile on his lips. His eyes were twinkling in her mind the way that melted her, he looked absolutely beautiful as usual. “Do you want to go out? I owe you 2 weeks worth of coffee.”

She looked at the ceiling, trying to contain her heart and failing miserably. “Yeah, yeah, I’d like that,” she breathed out. 

“I’ll pick you up in 20.”

She hung up the phone and got up from her couch, a silly smile on her face. Her smile soon faded after she realised what she had done. She was only off the pills for 2 days, it wasn’t enough time for her powers to normalize. Without Bucky present, the abstinence wasn’t as noticeable. Sure, she could hear everything more clearly, the music her neighbor had stucky in his head, or the busy thoughts of a random person passing on the sidewalk. But Bucky always had a thousand things in his head, and that surely would be a problem. 

She was telling the truth to the Professor. She wasn’t taking them continuously, only a couple of times a week, when Bucky’s thoughts were always the loudest. But she hadn’t told him that she had stopped so late, later than she should have. She was toeing the line again, just like she had done when she was a kid and the prospect of not listening to everyone all the time seemed too good to be true. 

A sigh escaped her lips, her heart racing inside her chest, not for the right reasons. She hoped she could control it, keep her latent power at bay just like she did everyday. It was easy to fool herself like that. She forgot how addicting Bucky could be, how wrapped up in him she would get. It was almost an experiment: how would she deal with Bucky’s mind when her power was at the most raw. She wondered if she should be curious or scared. 

Her hands sweated as she unpacked her groceries. A cold rush ran through her spine, and she remembered the symptoms she experienced the last time she was off the pills. Dread settled in her, anticipating what was about to come. She cursed Professor, her stupid mutated gene and those fucking pills. She often wondered what would have happened if she never manifested any powers, how her life would have played out. 

Then, her senses were flooded by Bucky. She whipped around to the door, seeing the shadow of his feet lingering outside. Her head felt heavy and there was a pain blooming, something much worse than the ones she’d endured when she first met him. It was a side effect, she should have expected that. She leaned on her table for a moment, trying to get used to the pain. The knock echoed through her apartment. She barely registered it, his thoughts flooding her. It was all so incoherent, flashes of yellowed memories and newer ones ran through her head. She heard her name screamed in his head over and over again, his voice whispering pet names he had given her with images of their time together. 

She opened the door and there he was, standing in front of her. He wasn’t wearing his traditional gloves, and he had dodged the leather jacket of a simple longed sleeved t-shirt pulled at his elbows. It was the first time she saw his arm being displayed so freely, so unashamedly. He wore a boyish smile on his face, holding a bouquet of yellow and purple flowers meant for her. “I brought you flowers,” he handed the bouquet to her, his eyes twinkling with a charm she hadn’t seen in him before.  “You said you wanted to expand your garden,” he justified with a shrug, his eyes on the bouquet. The smile never left his lips. 

She almost forgot about her symptoms, letting his charm encapsulate her and warm her heart. She accepted the flowers, their smell overwhelming her. She stepped aside for him to come in, he ducked his head and got in the apartment quietly. It wasn’t the first time he had been over, but it was still odd to see him in her place. It looked smaller with him in it, less lonely. 

“Thank you,” she whispered, closing the door. Her hands glued to the plastic wrapping of the flowers. She wiped her other hand on her pants, gulping nervously. If before she thought his thoughts were loud, in that moment it seemed like they were being blasted in amplifiers at maximum volume. “How’ve you been?” she stuttered, her mouth dry. 

“I’m good, good,” he laughed looking down, his hands on his pockets. She could tell he wasn’t lying, for the first time she asked him that question he actually answered it honestly.  “How are you, doll?”

She grabbed a pot and some dirt to stick the bouquet in it from the cabinet under the kitchen island. “I’m okay,” she replied quietly. Resting the supplies next to the sunflower she had just bought, a wave of nausea washed over her. She felt the color drain out of her face, feeling lightheaded. Her hands gripped tightly around the backrest of a chair, trying to not collapse to the floor. 

She heard him rush to her side, his hands supporting her. The cool touch of his metal arm was contrastant with how hot her skin felt at the moment. “You don’t look okay,” it was like he was yelling in her ear, but she knew his voice was barely above a whisper. “What happened?”

“I’m off my pills,” she gripped his forearms, her eyes shut close. She tried organizing her head, separating her own thoughts with the thoughts of others. 

“Let me get them for you,” he guided her to the couch, gently sitting her down. 

“No,” she reached for him, her voice dying in her throat. Her hold on his wrist was weak, her eyes closed. The light only worsened her headache, she couldn’t bear to open her eyes. “There’s none left.”

“What d’you mean there’s nothing left?” he asked her, his voice strained. She knew he tried to contain his worry, but it slipped out in his tone. If she wasn’t so sick, she would have appreciated his care. “It seems like something important to have.”

“Professor took ‘em,” her words slurred, “I can’t take more, Bucky.”

“Why?” he hesitated, “what happened?”

“My powers,” her jaw clenched at the sharp pain going through her head, “I just wanted to spend time with you, Bucky, but the pain…” the tears spilled from her eyes, her eyes still closed. The grip on Bucky was tight, she was holding onto him like he was her lifeline, the only thing grounding her to the real world and not her head. 

He sat beside her, his hands hovering over her, unsure of what to do. She heard a sliver of guilt going through him, and sadness overwhelmed her because of that. “I’m sorry,” he whispered to her. 

“No,” she shook her head, wrapping him up in her arms, “it’s my fault. You’re amazing, Bucky, and I couldn’t stay away,” her tears wet his shirt, her head resting on his shoulder snuggly. She couldn’t help but notice the safe feeling that overwhelmed her in that moment. It was almost like it was where she belonged, safe in his arms. “Your mind… it’s just so beautiful, you’re so beautiful, Bucky. And I was greedy, I wanted you to myself, even if it meant a little pain.”

“A little?” he asked, his voice laced with a sassiness she hadn’t seen before. 

She laughed quietly, looking at his face. His blue eyes were sincere, full of emotion and thoughts she could never bring herself to decipher. “A lot,” she sighed, her eyes fixated on his.  “I fell back into old habits.”

“I get it,” he assented, his eyes cast on hers, looking for something she didn’t quite know what it was. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Stay,” she whispered, her heart beating fast inside her. “Please, stay.”

And Bucky did. For the first time, someone who had met her, all of her, stayed with her. That only made her love him more. He hugged her tightly, his head resting on the crook of her neck. “I’ll stay,” he reassured her, his thumb caressing her shoulder gently, “I got you”

She mumbled ‘I’m sorry’ like a prayer on his shoulder. It was too much input, her own emotions and his blended and her tears were their escape. “I shouldn’t have unloaded this on you,” she sniffed, breaking the hug. “It’s not fair.”

“Hey,” he gently pushed her hands out of her face. Her face was swollen and her eyes were red, but she could tell he didn’t care, she heard the word ‘beautiful’ bounce around in his head. “I can take it.”

She shook her head, words unable to escape her quivering lips. “Hey, stop,” he said firmly but lovingly, “listen to me,” he grabbed her face delicately, his fingers brushing her cheeks delicately. “I can take it, doll. Trust me. I have my demons too,” he whispered, “and they don’t scare you. You don’t scare me. I’m not going anywhere.”

Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t look away from his eyes. The sincerity in them disarmed her completely, the little restraint she had completely gone. Her breath hitched at the sight of the glimmer in his eyes and the love in his mind. “Thank you,” she mouthed, her voice gone. 

“You’re welcome,” he smiled at her, the boyish grin he had sported when he arrived back. “How about I make you some tea?” he got up, walking a few steps to the kitchen. He moved around like her tiny little flat was where he belonged. “I make a mean chamomile tea.”

She laughed quietly, her brain slowly calming down, her fever settling. “I’d like that.”

[storiesofsvu]

Law & Order OC & SVU thoughts from tonight!

I literally have zero memory of what happened last week on OC.

THIS IS SO AWKWARD OMG THE SECOND HAND EMBARASSMENT IN THIS MOMENT JFC. (Plus we all know she’s not actually drunk, she’s playing him, right??)

“All men are pigs” yeah bestie you got that right!

“Im your son” ???? EXCUSE ME??

Ayanna is SO hot jesus

WHY DOES IT SEEM LIKE STABLER’S IN CHARGE?? IF I WAS BELL I WOULD BE *SO* MAD AT HIM

GOD SHES SO BADASS AND I LOVE HER.

Ayanna in that vest all bad ass holy HELL🥵🥵 PETITION TO GET HER IN HER DRESS BLUES AT SOME POINT CAUSE I MIGHT DIE

Okay… fucking CALLED the wife getting taken out. But like… they went katt level agnst with the husband having to hear her get shot over the phone JESUS

SVU TIME! Thank god!!

*insert spongebob “i’m ready” meme here*

Okay so noah’s asking paternal questions, does he know he’s adopted yet.

Oh god we’re still trying to incorporate covid. Why couldnt we just pull what grey’s did.

Okay that’s the best way to intro Nick. (But that is some bad acting from m…that reaction?)

THANK FUCK for this beard wow. Hello amaro…

Also…. Amaro & amanda keep in touch? Love that.

Lowkey hate that this dude is someone from Liv’s past, and has already been on an ep of svu as a diff character, but i guess i’ll deal with it.

I feel like i havent watched SVU in AGES…. Too much HOC….

God the title card is fucking pathetic with just the four of them…

CAAAAASSSSEEEEYYYYY

(I dont remember that scene happening? Am i crazy?) also pls let her actually get a flashback with dialogue?

MEEELLLIINNDDDAAAAA

ALSO Nick using her first name?? Her lil teasing of “doctor”?!!??!!!

“Youre detectives go places” “i wish they wouldnt”

OKAY THEN WHY DID WE HAVE TO GET RID OF KAT???!!🤬

God this is fucking hearbreaking already….

“Stabler… Burton… something’s goin’ on” AMANDA CALLING IT LIKE IT IS!!! (Also DAMN she look good)

CRAGEN!! YES!!

Amaro sweet talkin his way into everything as usual. Fucking perf.

This suspect is a fucking creep

When are we gonna see Pheobe again? (Should i start to write for Pheobe??🤔)

K so i dont remember this whole grooming storyline, did they cover it in the older eps

OMFG THEY FUCKING BANGED??!! LIV IS NAKED UNDER THOSE SHEETS!!

THE EOS MUST BE FUCKING LIVID

I LITERALLY HOLLARED AT THE SIGHT OF THIS JFC…. WE HAVENT HAD A “SEX SCENE” SINCE CASSIDY.

“He needs a lawyer” “and i know exactly who to call”

MY HEART JUMPED AND WENT “IS IT BARBA OR RITA OMG!!” Fuck… i forgot langan was in this ep….as if liv would call trevor??? Like he hasnt been on since noah was a baby….rita & raf have been on WAY more often & more recently…

Honestly not surprised about that twist…..

This dark brown blazer is the fucking worst…..

Okay but does anyone still OWN a cassette tape player??

There’s only 10 mins left how are we going to resolve this!???

Liv literally say that she has to recuse herself, but is still super involved with the case.

Protective Amaro!!! I am here for it (now punch Stabler pls)

Jfc. Liv…. Nick was just trying to talk some fucking sense into you… chill…

Okay… im glad she apologized to Nick…

[tales-of-magic-and-chaos]

Here’s a silly random dialogue I thought of some time ago 

"I think we should fuck."

"Stark..."

"What? We've been held captive in this room in our birthday-suit for, like, the past days and we'll probably have to wait several others before being rescued. We literally have nothing else to do."

"... We could talk."

"Gandalf, let's be honest. None of us actually want to talk to each other."

"I have to admit he's not wrong, for once."

"Please, tell me you're kidding me."

"I'm just saying he has a point, that's all. As enthralling that trying to ignore the present situation and avoiding looking at each other is, I'm starting to grow tired of it. We could at least put this time to... Better use."

"And making out will make the situation less awkward and uncomfortable maybe?"

"At least I'll get rid of this fucking boner while having fun. I mean, yeah, I could jerk myself up, but why would I pass up an opportunity to get railed by the two hottest sorcerers I know?"

"We're the only sorcerers you know, Stark."

"That doesn't change my point."

"Drop it, Stark. Insisting is of no use. If he's not interested it's better to just ignore him."

"He didn't say no though."

"Stark, you really have to learn what subtlety is. Forcing someone to reveal the domains in which they lack skills and confidence really isn't courteous."

"I'm perfectly confident in my skills in bed, thank you very much Loki."

"Oh, is that so? My bad, I thought your coyness was embarrassment. There is nothing to be ashamed of in admitting your weaknesses, you know."

"Fuck you."

"Exactly! Finally something we can agree on."

[Loki is perfectly aware that Stephen isn't embarrassed, bothered or ashamed in any way and that the only thing stopping him from accepting to enthusiastically join them is his sense of responsibility.  He just knows that using their ego is the best way to switch these stupid humans' competitive spirit on. And it gives Stephen an excuse to drop the Hero's pressure to always act righteously.]

[septiembrre]

3 and 4 for get to be mine pls

3. What’s your favorite line of narration?

It’s hard to pick at this point, but some fun things -- I like dropping in silly kernels like this that make it clear how absolutely wild Beth’s mind is. 

Many moons ago, in a fit of curiosity or insanity, she Googled his mugshot from her arrest. She didn’t download it. That could have been incriminating, right? Instead, she opened it on the house computer in Dean’s office, and tried to understand what it was that she… liked. She had sat there for a long time and stared and stared and stared.

Or, ugh, I hate tormenting Beth but I get really into thinking about what would trigger her guilt. 

She also would do well to ignore the signs of Miriam and Marjorie’s loss permeating the house—the pictures, the tin of weathered recipe cards propped open on the kitchen counter, the doily she had seen on a little stand next to the coat rack in the foyer that had to have belonged to Dorothy. But it’s easier said than done.  

Beth listens to Marjorie, who sits opposite them, her striped feet curled up under her on the couch. As she regales them with anecdotes from her law school experience, her mother’s face is like an unavoidable beacon in the room, drawing Beth’s gaze back to the mantelpiece.

Beth begins to fully consider what she dragged herself into—lying to the bereaved.

4. What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

I am pretty obsessed with all the dialogue. Beth x Rio fighting, flirting, “fake” flirting, being awkward and repressed, and Beth + Ruby + Annie, and Beth + her kids, and Beth + Marjorie. But one example:

“Hey girlfriend.”

The most recent update was also all about them full-on embracing the fake dating lie. It’s so fun to write them bantering and riffing and all their double meanings. 

“Elizabeth was goin’ on and on about the pros and cons between the gluten-free flours. Almond this, cassava that.”

Despite herself, Beth laughs.

Rio looks back at her, tenderly, seemingly earnest to their observers, but Beth notes that particular embellished tick of his mouth. Oh, he’s having fun, is he?

“And I saw Christopher there, head spinning with all of the boxes of cake mix. The deadline for a bake sale looming—” She reaches down and plucks at the hand at her thigh, interlacing their fingers. Maybe hand-to-hand contact is safer than hand-to-thigh. They did say they were allowed to hold hands. “Utterly lost.”

Rio cants his head back and gives that deep-chested laugh. The wings ripple at his throat in that way that used to drive her insane in a previous lifetime. Beth licks her lips. His hand squeezes hers.

“And I don’t usually give out my number but she was all gorgeous and fuckin’ prim and bossy—”

“Bossy?!”

Rio nods, earnestly. “You know what they say about Virgos.”

Hold on, Beth starts, processing his comment.  She presses the crescents of her fingernails into his palm, a warning. “Excuse me?”

[dditjmej]

i thought of this in like 5 mins pls excuse the awkward dialogue

[chiaki-translation]

SSR Tasuku [Solid Mankai Black]: Backstage Translation

Distraction is real, I will upload the epilogue in a few mins after this one...

Anyway, literal translation for the card name is ‘Jet Black Mankai Black’, but repeating the word ‘Black’ in English sounds very awkward so I got a suggestion to put it as ‘Solid’ for ‘Solid Black’ instead.

Summary:

Touring with Tasuku that ends up with more shenanigans. I’m still suck at summary, please excuse me.

Translation is under the cut as per usual and the card I’m referring to is this one, chuuni Tasuku~ Enjoy~

Disclaimer:

A3! is owned by Liber Entertainment

Translator’s Note: Retort pouch curry is packaged curry(?). Just google it if you want to see how it looks like I guess.

Gakuran is a type of Japanese school uniform.

Youth Extra Appearance

Director:

Yeah, it’s delicious!

Kumon:

This sandwich is so delicious!

Omi:

That’s great.

Juza too, would you like to add some cream?

Juza:

Yeah.

Tasuku:

Morning.

Director:

Good morning. Were you running again?

Tasuku:

No, I was riding the bike today.

I didn’t let it run recently.

But I was thinking that I want to go touring soon.

Omi:

Ah, that sounds great.

The weather’s nice recently too.

Juza:

Right.

Kumon:

I also want to ride behind my brother again~!

Juza:

Yeah, I’ll let you ride behind me next time.

Kumon:

Alright~! It’s a promise!

TV:

“Wolf Ranger, assembled!”

Director:

Ah, that’s the show I saw last time.

Kumon:

It seems to be the current Sentai series!

Juza:

He… It’s that kind of feels.

Tasuku:

…

Director:

(Tasuku-san’s staring intently at the television.

He might have been influenced  by Shouta-kun.)

<Shifts to Door>

Director:

Coming.

Delivery Man:

You have a delivery.

Director:

Thank you so much.

Mid-year gift…

I wonder who it’s from.

(The sender is… Hero Show management company?

They went all the way to send this to us.)

<Shifts to Lounge>

Director:

(I wonder what’s inside.)

Tasuku:

What’s with the stuffs.

Director:

Tasuku-san, what a great timing!

It’s a mid-year gift we received from the Hero Show management company from that time.

Tasuku:

Hee, I see.

What’s inside?

Director:

I’m going to open it now—

!?

Tasuku:

This is…

Director:

Previous generation Sentai Heroes’ retort-pouch curry…!

Tasuku:

If you look at it closely, it seems to be made for children.

Director:

The tension’s getting pretty high with this much packed inside.

In addition, it’s curry too…!

Tasuku:

It’s not only curry, it seems that there’s a postcard inside too.

Director:

Ah, you’re right.

Eh umm—

“Thank you for the previous time.

If you would like, please enjoy it with everyone.”

They even write the postcard politely… I have to send my gratitude to them later.

The photos at the back looks very beautiful too.

Tasuku:

It seems to be a port somewhere.

Director:

Perhaps, it’s a sacred place from the Hero Series or something.

Tasuku:

…I see.

It doesn’t seem to be a mistake.

Director:

Really?

Tasuku:

Like what Director said, it looks like a famous garden from a location in the Sentai series.

Look, this one.

Director:

Ah, you’re right…!

I don’t expect it to really be a sacred place…

After saying that, now I feel like going there~

It’s such a beautiful place after all.

Tasuku:

Then, why don’t we go together?

Director:

Eh, really, is it fine?

Tasuku:

It was just right that I was thinking of letting my bike run a bit more.

The distance seems just nice too if it’s this place.

Director:

I want to go!

(Touring with Tasuku-san, I’m looking forward to it.)

<End of Part 1>

Director:

I’m glad it’s sunny today.

I’m looking forward to spend the day with you!

Tasuku:

Yeah. It’s the ideal weather for touring.

Director:

It’s been a while since I wear this helmet that I’ve received from Tasuku-san.

Tasuku:

Have you forgotten how to fasten the helmet?

Director:

I’m fine, I remember it properly!

…There, I’m done!

Tasuku:

The front belt, it’s twisted you know.

Director:

Really? ….Ah, here is it.

Eh umm… Eh?

Tasuku:

Geez… Come, turn this way.

Director:

Sorry, thank you for fixing it.

Tasuku:

Then, let’s go.

Director:

Yes!

<Shifts to Park>

Director:

Fuh… The wind feels great!

Tasuku:

It’s been a while since I let it run, as expected it feels nice.

Director:

The scenery’s beautiful too, since we’re here why don’t we take a short walk.

Tasuku:

Yeah.

Director:

…Hmm? It seems that people are gathering over there.

I wonder what’s happening?

Tasuku:

They have equipment around, is it a shooting?

Staff:

Eh, are you perhaps, Tasuku?

Tasuku:

…Yoshida-san?

Director:

(It’s Tasuku-san’s acquaintance I guess?)

Yoshida:

Are you still doing theatre?

Tasuku:

Still continuing.

Yoshida:

…I see.

That woman over there…  Perhaps, your girlfriend?

Director:

Eh! No no, you’re mistaken!

Tasuku:

She’s the director of my theatre troupe.

Yoshida:

Theatre troupe…? If that’s the case then just nice!

Tasuku:

Yes?

Yoshida:

Actually, we’re in the middle of shooting a special program for a Sentai series now, there’s a vacancy for extras and I need to make the arrangement for it.

If you’re fine with it, can I get the two of you to make the appearance.

Director:

Eh!?

Yoshida:

It’s a role with one or two lines, but of course, I believe that Tasuku-san and troupe director-san are used to it right.

Can I request for your help, please?

Director:

I’m sorry, but I myself have stayed away from performance for a while…

Anyway, I’m not confident in acting.

Yoshida:

It’s fine. You just need to appear for a little bit!

It’s the role of teenage student couple, so I want you to wear school uniform though…

Director:

School uniform!?

(In addition, the role of student couple…)

Yoshida:

There’s only one line for the dialogue.

Think of it as helping others!

Director:

Even if you say that…

Tasuku:

Yoshida-san, I’m sure you know my age.

I don’t think I can wear that kind of thing.

Yoshida:

If you decide to appear, I’ll put your names on the ending credit as well.

I can put the troupe name in too if you want to.

Director:

Ending credit…? Are you for real?

Yoshida:

Of course., since I’m asking for a favour from you guys.

Director:

…

Tasuku:

Oi… You don’t say.

Director:

Tasuku-san, should we do it?

Tasuku:

…Are you serious?

Director:

If it’s this way, it might become a good publicity for the theatre troupe.

Yoshida:

Yes yes, you don’t know when another chance like this might come up again.

Director:

Let’s do it!

I’ll do my best with all I have too…!

Yoshida:

I’ll depend on you too, Tasuku.

Tasuku:

…Hah, I have no choice right.

<End of Part 2>

Director:

(I tried taking it for myself and change, but…

As expected, I’m not comfortable wearing a school uniform.

I wonder if Tasuku-san’s done changing?)

Tasuku:

I can’t believe I’m wearing a school uniform at this age.

Director:

Eh… Tasuku-san, don’t look so uncomfortable with it!

Tasuku:

How can I not.

I can’t help but to think of what age I would be this year.

[

[

Choice 1: You look really cool.

Director:

I’m not flattering you, but it really looks cool on you.

Tasuku:

Geez…

…If you say that, it fits Director pretty well too.

Director:

Eh? Really?

Tasuku:

Yeah, don’t look so uncomfortable with it.

Director:

That, what do you mean by that!

Tasuku:

I’m just joking. It really fits you.

Director:

…If Tasuku-san said so, I guess I feel a bit more confident now.

Tasuku:

You’re such a simple person.

]

]

[

[

Choice 2: It sure looks  fresh.

Director:

It feels like I’m meeting the high school version of Tasuku-san, it sure is a fresh feeling.

Tasuku:

My body is of an adult though.

Director:

Tasuku-san, if I’m not wrong your high school wears gakuran too right.

After all, I wasn’t able to see Tasuku-san’s photos…

Tasuku:

Does that kind of thing happened…

Eh, was it the time when we went to Tsumugi’s house.

Director:

But, I can’t help to think that it will feel exactly like this and it’s cute.

Tasuku:

…I want you to tell me how you can look at it as cute.

]

] 

Tasuku:

To appear in this kind of role, definitely don’t tell anyone on the troupe.

Director:

You’re right… Even if it’s for the sake of publicizing, I’m still against wearing school uniform.

Yoshida:

Oh, it seems that you guys are ready.

It fits the two of you very well!

Well then, can I give you a brief explanation.

Tasuku:

Understood.

Director:

Pl, pleased to work with you!

<Shifts to Dorm>

Kumon:

Today’s breakfast is delicious as always!

Azuma:

Thanks for the meal.

Director:

Azuma-san, would you like to drink some coffee?

Azuma:

Thank you.

Tasuku:

Morning.

Director:

Ah, Tasuku-san.

Breakfast is ready.

TV:

“Following this, a large gathering of Sentai heroes from previous generation! Look forward to it!”

Kumon:

Eh, it seems that there will be another new Sentai series starting!

Azuma:

Hee, it seems that they’re doing a special program.

Director:

(Eh, is this maybe…)

Narration:

“This is a Port Town somewhere in the world…

People lived in peace.”

Director:

“Today’s date was fun. Thank you.”

Tasuku:

“Me too.

…Let’s go out like this again together someday.”

Kumon:

Hmm? Hmm?

Wait, I can’t tell from afar but…

These two, isn’t it Director and Tasuku-san!?

Azuma:

You’re right.

Fufu, I never thought I’ll be able to see the two of you in school uniform.

Kumon:

A couple role some more! Amazing!

Tasuku:

… Haa.

Director:

(We got found out so fast…!)

No, there’s a reason for this…

Masumi:

What’s this, what’s the meaning of this.

Director:

Masumi-kun!?

Tasuku:

Since when…

Azuma:

You got found out by the person you don’t want to find out the most.

Director:

Eh, this is more or less, a job that we took for publicity purposes…

Masumi:

I also want a uniform date with you.

Director;

Eh? That!?

Masumi:

It’s not fair if it’s only Tasuku who can have a uniform date with you.

Director:

For the uniform to have such force…

But anyway, Masumi-kun have also graduated from high school, right?

Masumi:

Even Tasuku wore it, so I thought it’s fine for me to wear it too.

Tasuku:

… This, I guess you won’t listen to whatever we say.

Director:

Wait, Tasuku-san!?

Aren’t you going to help me!

Kumon:

Masumi-san, you’re the same as ever~!

Azuma:

Fufu, it seems this battle will continue for a while.

<End of Part 3>

[barbariccia]

oh boy, i know what’s coming.

Kaidan: We’ve played it pretty close to the book so far. But we’re a long way from backup. We’ve got some tough calls to make. I’m just saying... try to leave yourself a way out. I’ve seen what cutting corners can do to someone. And I’d hate to have that happen to you, Shepard.

Kaidan: ... Commander.

[takes a deep breath]

so you have the option to ask if he’s talking about liara, in this scene. because liara is the default romance. which i’m [grimaces loudly] still. and i believe i’m correct in that if you’re playing mshep you get the choice to make between liara and ashley instead of kaidan around this time, too.

especially if i’m a what, kaidan.

don’t get me wrong, i like kaidan as a character. i romanced him in my first playthrough and enjoyed the romance, even! it’s your standard bioware ‘first dude, nice dude’ romance. there’s a little ust, they’re a decent battle couple, the eyebrows are almost hypnotic-

but i really don’t like the way that line’s come across. i’m sure many others have glossed over it in their playthroughs, but as a lesbian, i’m sat here with the most fucking unimpressed face. granted, in me1 he didn’t have a same-sex romance, but in retrospect, knowing you can romance him as a maleshep in me3, is just... yeesh. with that retrospective knowledge i am contenting myself with taking a deep breath and accepting that kaidan’s got some internal shit to work out, some self-realisation to come to, and that one day, one day, he might apologise to shep for the callous way he brought that up.

SO LET’S GO SEE LIARA, I GUESS.

Shepard: Maybe we could pick up where we left off. You were telling me about your interest in the Protheans.

Liara: Actually, I think I was talking about my interest in you.

granted, the conversation actually opens with the differences between asari and human lives. liara admits she’s always thought humans were very brash and aggressive, and shepard retorts that they have to be, because they live to 150 if they’re lucky, and that’s not much older than liara is now, all things considered. she thinks of humans as determined, but intimidating, too.

Shepard: You can’t argue with results.

Liara: No, but there are consequences. Unfortunately, the rest of the galaxy seems humanity as a bully. You run over anyone who gets in your way.

... good to know that humans will forever be humans, i suppose. it’s not exactly out of character for this race, and i wish the different characters’ viewpoints on human personalities came to the fore more often, as opposed to asari ethereality and krogan aggressiveness!

anyway- liara says that shepard’s will is truly incredible, and that she looked into the background of shepard to get to understand them better. her flavour text here changes depending on what background you took; in this run, she read over the reports from akuze, and you have the option to call her out on looking into personal information, which i took. liara’s excuse is that she was already embarrassed from your last chat with her, and that she’s too awkward to really know better... which isn’t an excuse. liara has potential for a lot of growth (which admittedly is realised the further into the franchise you go), but as of right now she is thoroughly unlikable for her cowardice. age and inexperience be damned, she ought to be a little more understanding of how interpersonal relationships work at this point.

... which isn’t to say that this isn’t a wonderful character flaw. because people do be like that.

she’s interested in us. shepard has the option to tell her that she’s only feeling that way because of our interaction with the prothean beacon, which is what she’s so far demonstrated interest in, and she says it was that way... at first. not so any longer.

😂 😂 😂  liara pls

so, i have the same feelings on this as i do with kaidan’s manner of approaching the relationship, in that if you’re not expecting it, it kinda comes out of left field. since leaving the citadel, all i’ve done is side missions up to this point, no main plot stuff, so it can be kind jarring to come back from the galaxy map after shooting the fuck out of a bunch of geth on various different planets only to be slapped in the face with the realisation that two of your crewmates are harbouring secret crushes on you.

meanwhile garrus has had no additional dialogue and is the only member of the cast to stay that way so far. goddamnit.

as an aside, as a female shepard, you have the choice to be like BUT YOU’RE A WOMAN... :O at liara, who calmly reminds you that asari are monogendered, and that it’s not really gay, so take that, censors! oh, but they have maternal instincts and look like women and are coded as women so

i turned her down, and she was highly embarrassed, and like, we’ve all been there liara, it’s fine.

but jesus.

[all-things-andrew-scott]

Notes on The Delinquent Season

Taken as I’m watching it. Mild spoilers ahead.

This film has barely started and I’m already preemptively angry because I know what it’s about. Lol

Andrew doesn’t look like a “Chris” but he’s still so cute when he says “fuck”. It always will be. No idea why. Probably because he just seems so soft.

Cilian’s character is a bit of an ass.

Major unhealthy relationship vibes all over

Chris makes a good point. You can be friends with your friend without your spouse being friends with their spouse

First time I’ve ever been on the customer’s side instead of the server. She’s a bit much

This whole conversation is awkward af and feels like searching for an excuse to make cheating okay

Oh Jesus. This better not be true. Fuck me.

Shit. It is true. Dammit.

He’s so fucking pretty it breaks my heart. Help.

I hate seeing him cry. :(

Okay but like. What is it? Cancer? AIDS? HIV? HPV? Something else? What???

I swear to god. No.

Also what’s up with her delivery of all her lines? They’re not great. No offense to tha actress but I don’t buy her act. And I’m not enjoying her. The character is also a massive twat so

This is cringey. “Feel my breast. Feel my nipple. I’m wet.” c r i n g e

There’s so much sighing and whispering and heavy breathing in this movie and it’s weird

“But you’re not undervalued by me.” That’s some straight up bullshit, Yvonne

Andrew is such a good actor. Holy shit. I’m always impressed. Always blown away. Realistic sobs. That’s not easy.

It’d serve them right to get caught honestly. I’ve never had more disdain for two fictional characters in my life

I’m really not enjoying this as much as I hoped because it is making me VISCERALLY uncomfortable. Polyamory is great. Cheating is garbage.

He always plays such a good dad. Wowie. What a sweetie.

This is so awkward

How did Jim explain the black eye???

....oh fuck

This shit just makes Yvonne an even bigger cunt. I know she doesn’t know but FUCK

Okay but like how do you fall in love with Cilian Murphy’s pasty ass when you’ve got Andrew Scott at home????? ((Obviously I’m joking. Pls don’t send the mob after me))

Yvonne you’re such a piece of shit. I mean Jim isn’t much better but you started all this. Christ.

WOW! Massive shitcunts. The both of you. Wow.

When you’re so preoccupied with your affair and bullshit you forget your children

Man I was so excited to watch this movie and it’s so BAD.

Scumbag. SCUMBAG! Jim you’re such a scumbag

ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?! CHRIS IS SICK AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT, JIM, IS WHETHER YOU CAN KEEP BANGING YVONNE?!?! Jesus Christ what a piece of fucking work. And “after?” Wow. You’re so fucking low dude.

Caught in your lies. Jim this is gonna bite you in the ass and you’ll have deserved it

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Caught bitch. You deserve it. Fuck you.

“You pathetic fuck”. A-Yup.

I hope she figures out it’s Yvonne. They both deserve the worst.

Gotta love the projecting. What a bitch.

Don’t you let him die believing he’s the worst man ever. I’ll haunt you.

You better fucking come clean you cunt.

I could watch Andrew monologue for 3 hours straight tbh

Get lost you fucking shitbag, Jim

Her husband is dying and all you can think of is yourself, Jim. You really are insensitive and selfish. Fucking prick.

Ah yes. Blame Yvonne you piece of shit. Wow. God. I can’t

Is he gonna fuck the server too now??? Christ

Someone stop this cishet white man pls because oh my god

I had a whole paragraph when I realized it was a dream so I deleted it. lol

...fuck. Couldn’t it have been implied after the fact? I’m tired of Andrew suffering the same fate over and over again

Oh of fucking course he fucked the server. Jesus.

She really gonna cry over a one night stand?

Wow. Jim has really reached peak stereotypical cishet white man. Christ.

Can’t believe Yvonne really wanted to try it on him. Disgusting. Can’t believe you cheated on your husband as he was fucking dying. You absolute Trollop.

Of course he’s with Orla. Another unheathy relationship by the look of it. God almighty

This movie was not good and the only redeeming quality was Andrew’s performance and the woman who played Danielle. She performed well too. The plot is shit. The characters are appallingly bad people. 50% of the acting between the main cast isn’t good. The dialogue is subpar. I’m just really really disappointed. Glad it didn’t cost much.